9 minute read
The Faces of Hockaday Counseling
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The Faces of Hockaday Counseling
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Katherine Grace Estess, News Editor, and Caroline Petrikas, Staff Writer
Raquel McKinney, Upper School Counselor
Why did you decide to become a counselor?
I think in college I realized that I wanted to do something that was helping people and I didn’t know what that looked like. I knew I was getting a degree in sociology and I thought, ‘OK, I need to figure out what direction I’m going to take it.’ I ended up going into social work because I knew that there was a variety I could work with. Then, I ultimately ended up in school counseling. How confidential is seeing the counselor?
It is confidential. The one thing I like to tell students is that if I feel like you’re in jeopardy of hurting yourself or hurting somebody else, then that’s where I have to tell a trusted adult. Other than that, you can really talk to me about anything, and I will help you work through it. If it’s something that I feel like needs to be talked about with your parents, we will work through that. Like I told students this week when I was talking to them, if there is anything like that, we can call your parents together. I would never betray the trust that I have with one of my students, but typically it’s confidential unless it’s an extreme situation.
How can students reduce stress?
Wow. I think this takes self care and students recognizing limitations they have. If you are so booked that you’re not being able to give everything your full potential or your full effort, then you’re not serving yourself well or serving the programs and your classes that you’re doing. I think that’s just the learning lesson: sometimes you have to really recognize what your passions are. Or, if you know what you are most passionate about, whether you can see yourself giving it up. I would never tell a student to let go of a passion, but I would encourage the student to really evaluate what is most important to them and what makes them the most happy and focus on those while being able to do your schoolwork.
What is the goal of Wellness Wednesday?
It’s just to highlight mental health and let students know that mental health is there, we all have it. Mental health is not bad; you can have solid health and then you can have some of that you’re struggling with. Neither one is necessarily right or wrong. I would love for students to reach out to the counselors as much as they feel. That’s one thing I’ve learned about coming to Hockaday is I was told that some students are a little bit leery about coming to the counselor because they think that means you have a problem. That’s not the case at all. I think it’s just healthy to come talk and just share feelings because, let’s face it, we are human. We’re all girls here so I know we have emotions, we feel and we feel deeply. How should I help a friend struggling with mental health?
Certainly lend an ear, be there for them, talk to them, but recognize that you don’t have to take on that responsibility yourself; that’s why we’re here. There are support systems in place for you to be able to reach out to. Sometimes it takes a friend going to a counselor to tell them ‘my friend is really struggling,’ and it could be with any mental health issue. Sometimes it’s eating disorders or depression. I’ve had one person come to me and say their family is really not in a good place right now, they are arguing and stuff, and she’s just really been crying a lot. So just reaching out, helping and being a friend, but recognize that there are professionals out there who can help.
When should I tell an adult?
When there are safety concerns, or changes in behavior. Certainly retreating, not wanting to hang out as much, sadness, feeling like they just can’t be happy. Maybe if you see a change in their eating or a change of maybe some negative decisionmaking, whether that be drinking or substance abuse. Things where you’re like, ‘OK, this student’s not coping with things appropriately, so maybe we should reach out.’”
What advice would you give to someone who feels overwhelmed?
Listen to your body and listen to yourself talk. If you feel yourself at that boiling point where you’re like ‘this is too much,’ you have to just kind of take a step back and just say what needs to go. Another approach that I like to take is you put it all into perspective. If this doesn’t get done, what’s going to happen? Recognize that sometimes it’s OK not to be Superwoman, right? You can just kind of prioritize what’s most important and what needs to be done and then give yourself permission to not get everything done if it doesn’t happen.
What has been the greatest challenge to mental health caused by the pandemic?
Isolation. One student said something to me at the beginning of the year that stuck with me. She said, ‘I am hug-starved.’ I had not heard that term before, but she just wanted to hug. I think the greatest challenge is just the isolation of being unable to interact without these masks.
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In the Hockaday community, there are myriad resources in regards to the mental health of students, most notably counselors Ashley Ferguson and Raquel McKinney. During the COVID-19 pandemic, new mental health concerns have arisen around the world, and subsequently within the Hockaday community. The 2020-21 school year has come with new challenges and ways to take care of mental health.
What area or areas of mental health do you think Hockaday could approve upon?
Normalizing talking about suicidality and non-suicidal ideation, self-harm. Also to normalize eating disorders and disordered eating. I’ve learned in my three years here that we don’t talk about it because it can be triggering for some students, but it is still happening. So not normalizing these topics, but making them normal or comfortable to talk about. We also have to figure out how to support our students in academic pressure, in a way where the school does not seem so competitive that everyone has to have perfect grades. Nobody is perfect; the stress and pressure the Hockaday community puts on itself and its students is like none other that I’ve seen. So, while we definitely want students who go to Hockaday to be prepared, we don’t want to put them in a situation where they are stressed more often than not.
What are some tips for avoiding burnout?
The problem is not recognizing when you are burnt out, so to do something about it you first have to recognize it. But some practical strategies would be to stay active; you have to get at least 10 minutes of physical activities a day. You also have to sleep. When we look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, sleep is a very basic need. Another thing would be to protect your boundaries; only you can say when enough is enough. When you reach that point, don’t try to push yourself past your limits because when that happens, you’re going to be disappointed with yourself and/or crash and burn.
What is Wellness Wednesday and what is it’s goal?
It started last year with the boarding students, and my idea was to be available and present to the boarding students every Wednesday evening just to be another source of mental support to them. Now, it has developed into this One Hockaday initiative to combine the Hockaday community to promote overall wellness for students and faculty and staff. We try to talk about relevant topics. For example, this week’s theme was “It’s OK to Cry.” So Wellness Wednesday is just an opportunity for us to provide little bits of information to the Hockaday community about mental health topics and to open the door to communication.
Number one, validate. There is nobody in this world who will never struggle with anxiety. Let them know that these feelings are normal; it is how they affect us where it becomes a sticky situation. Listen without judgment and without giving advice. As a counselor, it is not my job to give advice. It is my job to listen and to help you weigh your options and figure out what’s going to work best for you. So I would encourage others to do the same: don’t give your friend advice, don’t tell them what to do, just listen and validate. The third thing I would say is to know your boundaries as a friend. Know when you are in over your head and know when their struggles are starting to affect you. And know when they’re in a place when you need to reach out to an adult for more help.
When is it ok to take a break?
Whenever you need one, you deserve one. Don’t try just to get things done when you know you need to take a step back. It is easier said than done, but if you don’t listen to your body, you’re eventually going to have to. When you’re stressed, your immune system doesn’t function as well and you are forced to listen to your body. A break doesn’t necessarily mean sleep or a lavish celebration; it can mean smaller things to help you relax. Maybe you take the scenic route home from school, or engage in more physical activity, or bake a pie in your kitchen. A break can mean many different things to many different people. When you feel like you
Ashley Ferguson, Upper School Counselor
can’t give yourself a break, find a friend you feel comfortable taking a break with.
How can students reduce stress culture?
It’s hard because Hockaday is an academically challenging school which prepares you for college, and in order to change stress culture, it is going to have to start with the community as a whole.
