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Making the Most Of the Worst 5 Tips to Ease Through Tough Times By Fran Asaro Thrive Any Way
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It was the best of times; it was the worst of times – Charles Dickens, Tale of Two Cities Not many people can foresee the benefits of a tough time. Not many want to. We’ve all had them, some more than others. Some WORSE than others. You know, those times you say ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me. When will my life get back to normal’? Maybe it’s a financially tough time or you are in a relationship that is dead wrong. Possibly you are going through a health concern or an ordeal with the kids. I know it doesn’t make it any easier to hear that we all go through it and that there is a beginning, middle and an end to it all. I know your time seems like it’s the absolute worse and no one can ever relate or understand. But, truth be told, I have gone through many a challenging time myself – and as a life coach, I find myself comforting those tough times by declaring – ‘I’m going to become a great teacher at this someday’ So please allow me to make that statement true as I share some of the tips that help me get through my own obstacles … and stay alive and kicking and sane. I hope they help you as well.
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1. Focus on the outcome not the circumstance – Oh yes, the first one is probably one of the most difficult. But if you are not willing to start here, you will probably have trouble with the other tips. We’ve all heard of the law of attraction, right? We may or may not believe it, but it’s a universal law whether you do or don’t. You get results directly related to what you think you will get. Because this is one of our greatest challenges in life, I actually focus on direction of thought training with my clients. We seem to be more comfortable having opposing thoughts than clear, positive ones. Imagine that you wake up thinking ‘today I receive all the money I need and want’ – you feel good about it and it feels like a good statement. An hour later, no money shows up so your next thought is ‘this doesn’t work, what am I thinking, I’m never going to pay my bills today’ – and then that thought becomes the predominant thought of the day. What type of outcome do you think you will produce? Certainly NOT the outcome from the 5 second statement you made in the morning, but instead you’ll experience the outcome from the 12 hours of believing you don’t deserve it. So tip #1 – Think about the outcome and not the circumstance. Do this much more than once. It’s thinking it, saying it and taking a physical posture as if it already occurred. Then and only then will you begin to see a shift in the way things ‘are’. For some, it takes some work, but it’s worth it, I promise.
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2. Find a support system not a Negative Nellie – Did you think these were going to be easy tips? NO, just amazing tools to ease you through tough times. So, if you are the type to find a friend or listening partner who will marinate in your problem with you, I say – STOP IT! Nothing good can come from this. If you are looking for a positive outcome, then you want to start with a positive attitude NOW. Attitude is everything when going through tough times. Ever see bitter people walking around? They didn’t choose to have a better attitude during life experiences and it shows. Choosing who you will surround yourself with is crucial if you want to maintain that positive space. I know people who are going through a divorce and find pleasure in bashing their partner. Mainly because they think that if there is going to be a divorce then someone is wrong and so it must be their partner. In the end, that kind of thinking results in a bad break up that will impact so many things around you like your belongings, your kids, your own peace of mind. One day I shared the concept of a peaceful divorce with a client – it never occurred to her that there could be a win/win situation. With that paradigm shift, she stopped talking badly about her husband and began a conversation with him and others about a friendly split. Even before she knew all the dynamics of what that entailed, communication improved dramatically and the outcome was a pleasant one. She continues to thank me for this amazing experience. This can’t happen if you share with a Negative Nellie who wants to slit your partner’s throat so you can be the victor. Instead, find someone who can talk to you about the loving, gentle, spiritual and positive side to this experience and find out how peaceful and harmonious life can be when you take the higher road. Remember, no matter how bad it is, there are people out there who forgive perpetrators of the most heinous crimes, not just to let them off the hook, but for their own inner resolution. Bitterness, anger and hatred hurt us in so many ways. 5 www.ThriveAnyWay.com
3. Feel, Recoil, Persevere – Some might say, I AM perseverant, Fran, and for that I applaud you. But there are those who want to give up. Sometimes they want to give up every single day. They don’t know what giving up means exactly but they don’t know what to do and feel like running. They feel tattered and worn and beaten to a pulp. They just can’t take another bad health report or get a call from another bill collector. Giving up feels like the only way. Over the years and through many a time of wanting to give up, I’ve learned to handle this desire to throw in the towel differently. I find it to be very effective. First of all, instead of fighting or vacillating with the desire to give up, I honor the feeling and even embrace it. I accept that I want to give up and run away from it all. I step away from the situation in the best way I know how at the time. Maybe it’s time to take a nap - for 8 hours! Maybe I unplug from the world for a day or more. Or maybe I just stop trying so hard for a bit. Inevitably, when I allow myself to temporarily recoil, regroup and replenish, I recover and didn’t have to give up permanently. I come back with a new sense of self and readiness. I even have this declaration I make to reinforce my newfound motivation - as I clench my fist and shake it up to the sky, I shout out to God - ‘give me your best freaking shot, because I AM NOT GIVING UP! It probably doesn’t mean a thing to God but it certainly means so much for me to say that. I then begin again, maybe a bit battered and taking much smaller baby steps, but I start moving in the direction of my desired outcome and once again I will build momentum. It’s all I have - my perseverance. I can’t keep giving up or I will never get anywhere. As I look back on all the times I have done this exercise, I see the muscle I have built and the strength that came from picking myself up and continuing. I encourage you to do the same, but don’t forget to break down if you need to, feel your feelings, honor your pain. We are not robots; we are human beings who need to experience all aspects of ourselves. So take the time you need to do this, then come back.
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4. Let things take their course – Ok, I’ll have to be honest with you here. Out of all 5 of these tips, this was my toughest to master. You see, I know everything I go through is temporary. I know I will grow from it, and I know I want to be my best self during this time. But, even though I know all this, I still think it should be over and done with quickly, so that I can move on with my life, right? Well, the fact is that time takes time – And our current situation is going to take the amount of time it takes whether we are accepting and patient about it or not. So why not allow it? It’s insane to try to rush something we have no control over, isn’t it? Even though I wholeheartedly believe in quantum healing, I was once told that quantum results might take away from the actual experience itself and sometimes we need the experience to become the seasoned individual that we are evolving into. Believe me; I am not happy about this one either. I want it and I want it now, is my philosophy. But then I reflect back on Nelson Mandela, the President of South Africa who spent 27 years in prison patiently waiting to be released, all the while maintaining who he was and growing himself in spite of his circumstance. – then I say, if he could do that, then I can certainly let things take their course to get through this time. NO?
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5. Grow where planted – We are often thrown way off course when tough times hit and blame our current situation for the fact that our real life is on hold until ‘it’s all over’. But in reality, sometimes we can’t get out of a situation or we aren’t ready to and we don’t want to stop life completely do we? How long will you wait for your life to get on track? I was once in a relationship that I knew was not the best for me. However, for several reasons I was not ready to leave. I decided that I had two choices: One was to be a victim to the current decision to stay, and be miserable and feel resentment and impatience or Two, choose to grow where I was planted. Yes, in an ideal world, it would have been much easier to have a nice life if I left. But since I wasn’t ready to do that, I decided that I would become the very best me while I was there. The impact of that declaration changed my experience from that moment. I was then able to look at myself and see all the opportunities for growth. I did as much soul searching, meditating, self-care as I could. I faced my situation head on. I didn’t pretend it was better than it was. I didn’t make it worse. I just became very honest and self-focused. I kept asking myself how I could grow from this and yes, the answers always came. I became a better version of myself even while in a less then desirable situation. In the end, I was able to leave my relationship with amazing ease and grace because of all I had learned about myself and the strong woman I became. I felt so much pride and empowerment. If you find yourself in a place, situation or experience that you can’t get out of for any reason, do yourself a great favor and Grow Where You are Planted and make the time mean something huge and valuable.
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Below I’ve included a recap of the 5 tips to Making the Most of the Worst. Keep these tips in a place where you will see and apply them for a smoother ride. This isn’t your first ‘worst’ time and chances are it won’t be your last. Master these tips and master your life challenges with grace and ease. To recap the 5 Tips: 1. Focus on the outcome not the circumstance 2. Find a support system not a Negative Nellie 3. Feel, Recoil, Persevere 4. Let things take their course 5. Grow Where Planted
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Well, here you go, my 5 tips to help you Make the Most Of the Worst and ease through tough times with whatever life challenges you with. Remember, you determine whether you will become the master of your circumstance or be overcome by it all. Remember, adversity breeds success. Who will you become in the face of your obstacles – Overwhelmed? Exhausted? Or a leader? Whether you know me or not, I’d like to share that my purpose for the Thrive Any Way Series to Personal and Business Development is because I am here to help people get through tough times and situations and have fulfilling lives. If this post inspired you to take action, then please contact me for support. I am a life and business coach. This is what I was born to do. Let me help. Here are a couple of actions that you can take. 1. Sign up to receive upcoming eBooks from the Thrive Any Way Series 2. Register for a Complimentary Coaching session with me if you’d like support in working through your challenges. 3. Order my self-paced home study course Courage, Risks and Rewards – Learning to take chances and change your life – designed to help you make the most of the time you are going through in the privacy of your own home and on your own time. Either way, don’t stop moving forward. Take an action today and this ‘worse’ time will begin to look better soon. I promise. Enthusiastically, Fran
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Author – Fran Asaro
Fran Asaro is the CEO and founder of Thrive Any Way – Life and Business Coaching. She helps entrepreneurs launch or grow their business with a focus on Online Business Building to provide a flexible and freedom-based lifestyle. As a non-denominational minister and Reiki Master she an advocate for law of attraction and direction of thought training and guides her clients towards fulfilling life experiences both personally and professionally with a gentle, empowering approach to getting through tough times. For more information go to www.thriveanyway.com
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