The Ladies’ Home Gadfly “To persuade and reproach” - Socrates, The Apology
Vol. IX, Iss. III October 7, 2008
The Girl Power Snowball Effect Guys, let's face it. We're in the minority. If you are a new guy at Franciscan, my word to you is that you're just going to have to learn to cope with the many stresses involved in being part of the minority gender on campus. Living in the midst of a foreign culture takes perseverance – no less one as incomprehensible to us as the world of women. I know – it's hard. That's why the counseling center is available. In fact, even reading this article may have some cathartic value for you. Just take a look at the Communion line at Mass. For every one guy on the line, there are at least three more girls! How can this be? I've given it much thought, and I've concluded that there are a number of possible factors involved in this statistic. I'm sure you will agree with me that we absolutely must get to the bottom of this issue.
Well, there is a theory that girls in general outnumber guys on this campus. Some people have a hard time believing that – particularly the folks back home. Whenever I tell people back there that I go to a school called “Franciscan University,” they feel sorry for me and say I should have gone to a co-ed school instead of a place where all your classmates are priests and seminarians. When I tell them that we guys are actually in the minority, they don't know quite what to say! Actually, according to the University website, the guy / girl ratio in the residence halls on campus is as wide as 2 to 3. Oh, but you insist on arguing against the reliability of this statistic! You don't believe this really represents FUS student body. Maybe the ratio is just because the girls took control of Tommy More and its high tech elevator
service, you say. Maybe it's just because Marian has a couple more beds than Trinity. Maybe it's because Elizabeth is bigger than Louis or Clare larger than Kolbe. You're starting to see a trend and say that it is most unfair that there are so many more opportunities for girls to get rooms on campus than guys. Further, you point out that this 2 to 3 statistic takes no account of students who live off campus – that perhaps all the rest of the guys are the ones braving the dangers to life and limb which exist outside the watchful eye of campus security. Actually – and I'm sorry to break it to you – this 2 to 3 ratio is probably not very far from the truth in representing our student body. According to USA Today, the national male / female ratio for college campuses is 43 / 57. That would make the gap at FUS (Continued on page 6)
Want to be a good spouse? Be a good roommate first! As readers of the Ladies’ Home Gadfly and Franciscan University students, I imagine that many of you are interested in developing the skills necessary to be a good housewife or Mr. Mom. Surprisingly, college life is ideal for cultivating many of the attributes desirable in a spouse. This is particularly true when one examines the structure of dormitory life. In a typical dorm, a small amount of space is shared between two people who have never lived together and may or may not know one another all that well. This is just like being newlyweds! All of a sudden, you go from having a room of your own, parents who make you food (and possibly do everything else for you) to sharing a room with another person, and being responsible for your own food, your own laundry, and your own cleaning… it can be overwhelming! And what’s
more, you are living with another person who has also just become responsible for herself. But never fear – I am now going to offer you a list of suggestions for how to be a good roommate, and ultimately a good spouse. 1. Affirm. A lot. That’s right, your roommate will have hard days, and the best response to that sort of thing is, believe it or not, not to be annoyed with your roommate for his unhappiness. Rather, it is better to be supportive of your roommate and patient when he has bad days and needs to vent. 2. Be helpful with chores. Are there a ton of dishes to be done? Do them. Maybe even (gasp) do your roommate’s dishes if she is having a tough day/just got back a bad grade/was just demolished in flag football. Incidentally, even if you consider yourself the harder working roommate, you should do your fair share of
cleaning. So what if you have a paper due this week? Your roommate probably has homework of her own to do. This, of course, all ties in to… 3. General consideration. Although you may be a huge fan of techno-homework-dance parties, your hippie roommate from the West Coast may not be. This doesn’t mean you need to listen to Dar Williams and burn incense all the time (especially since incense is against dorm policy), but it may mean investing in some headphones. Ultimately, all these guidelines could be summed up in one general code – the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, or, in layman’s terms: put the needs of others ahead of your own. Be patient through the all-nighters, smelly (Continued on page 6)
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St. Clare, pray for us!
Staff: Michelle Blohm (MB) Brian D’Amico (BD) Emily Davis (ED) Katherine Eddy (KSE) Layout Editor: Teresa Fasanello (TF) Manuel Garcia (MG) Amanda Lamuro (AL) Editor in Chief: Gillian Lamuro (GL) Callie Langworthy (CL) John Mario Levri (JML) Business Manager: Joe Maciag (JM) Andy Moe (AM) The Goodkind Gnostic: Michael C. Pezzulo (MCP) Michael J. Ruszala (MJR) Mark Schreck (MJPS) Retired Editor in Chief: Cate Shultis (CS) ** Please note that the views expressed in the articles do not necessarily represent the views of the whole staff.
Interested in joining our staff? E-mail us at notestothegadfly@gmail.com
~Mission Statement~ The Gadfly is an attempt to “bite the sleeping horse” in the spirit of Socrates. It is a student publication whose purpose is to facilitate discussion concerning campus and cultural issues as they pertain to students of Franciscan University. It aims to be a forum for open, well-thought out, and honest discussion towards the end of knowing and loving truth in its most robust sense.
Advisor: Dr. John White Advisor Extraordinaire
Gentle Readers, You who have been stranded in the dentist office, trying to block out the muffled groans from the next room with the faded examples of reading material know that there are not many magazines or periodicals that concern people like us. There are the glossies for the menopausal divorces who want to feng shui her reading room. There are the colorful girl magazines shouting that they can teach you fifty ways to BLOW HIS MIND. There are the monthly cooking magazines revealing how Tad and Burmington celebrated Purim with rosemary crisp cookies and sparkling Kiwi spritzers. But what
about the Catholic college student who isn’t even allowed to contemplate how to BLOW HIS MIND, thinks feng shui might just be pagan, and can’t even afford cookies let alone the ingredients to make rosemary crisps? What is she going to read about, hmmmm? That is where the Ladies Home Gadfly comes into play, my friends. This is the—ahem--magazine for you, you wiley Francsican girl you (that means you too, Sister.) So enjoy!
~The Editor (The Devil who mostly wears Eddie Bauer, but sometimes Old Navy, but generally anything that sells tall)
Can this marriage be saved? A happycatholiccouple.com success story, JP and Elizabeth married after a whirlwind romance and a heavy dose of PreCana. And that is when the couple discovered a major bone of contention in their marriage, beginning and ending with the Sunday Mass. JP is a traditional Catholic male who has memorized all the parts of the Latin Mass in Latin and has a special devotion to the Virgin Mary. Elizabeth, his new bride, is a Charismatic Catholic burning with the fire of the Holy Spirit and happens to have a small obsession with the kazoo. While deeply in love, the couple struggles with each other’s extremely different ways of worship. Can they find a Sunday Mass that satisfies both or will one be forced to suppress his own needs to please his spouse? Can Elizabeth see the beauty of the Latin Mass? Can JP feel the fire of the Holy Spirit?
played in my Daisies’ meetings. For me, it is an instrument for the masses because anyone can play the kazoo. I don’t need years of training to perfect my skills. Every time I pick up the kazoo and play the melodies that praise and glorify God, I am happy. It brings me and those around me joy. And yet, JP insists that the kazoo does not belong in Mass and has mentioned that he thinks that the kazoo isn’t even a real instrument! And this is from the man who worships God in a dead language (the Romans are dead, aren’t they?). I don’t understand why we have to worship God in a foreign language that no foreigner speaks when we all speak English. I find the chants stilted and restricting. What love can be expressed when I don’t even know what I am saying? I really do not see how JP and I can be together when we can’t worship God as one couple.
Her story: I am a charismatic Catholic. For me, my relationship with God is very personal and on an emotional level that I believe JP does not understand. This just saddens me. I tried to involve him during the charismatic Masses we attended but he just froze. I don’t understand how such a warm and loving man cannot feel the power of the Spirit or not try to participate. However, I could forgive him this if it weren’t for his deep-seated hatred of the kazoo. I love the kazoo and have treasured it since the first moment I heard it
His story: I love my wife Elizabeth for many reasons. I really admire her passion and love for God, but I have to admit the whole charismatic thing is totally alien for me. I love the Latin Mass not only for its traditional form but because the entire structure of the Mass is geared towards the greater glory of God in ways that I just don’t see in the charismatic Mass. However, I would gladly attend the charismatic Mass with my wife every other Sunday if it weren’t for her insistence on playing the (Continued on page 6)
St. Martha, pray for us!
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Gentlemen, lose your hats! Maybe it’s a generational thing. But on the other hand, maybe not. Maybe it’s more substantial; a fundamental symbol of disrespect, of contempt for the mores and conventions of civilized society. I’m speaking of men who wear their hats inside—in the cafeteria, in the classroom, in the Fieldhouse at conferences and FOP’s, and yes—even in the Chapel at the All-Campus Praise and Worship. (I actually saw it) For over a thousand years, it has been a fundamental rule of western culture—which is to say, Christian culture—that gentlemen do not wear hats indoors. I do not wish to tip my hand as to my age, lest those who take umbrage to this piece begin making premature arrangements for my funeral. Nevertheless, I must point out that when I was growing up, everyone knew, understood and agreed that for a gentleman to wear his hat indoors was the epitome of bad manners, of boorish behavior. If my mother ever saw me entering the house, or any other building, wearing a hat, she would have knocked it off with a rolling pin. And I would have been grateful to her, because if my father had seen it first the penalty would have been far worse. Today, it is commonplace to see hats on men in the cafeteria, the classroom, in restaurants, even at praise and worship. This is a relatively recent phenomenon; I’ve only been noticing it for about the past decade. So, what is this all about? I think there are two aspects to this unholy and unwholesome trend.
Those who began the trend were clearly trying to make a statement, and the statement was a sharp stick in the eye to civilized society and to its mores. It started with the trend among teenage males to wear the baseball hat, from morning to night, all day every day and everywhere. It was a silent way of saying to parents and other adults: “I’m cool; I’m tough! I don’t care about your rules!” But after a while, so many youths were wearing baseball hats everywhere, that it was no longer cool enough or tough enough. Then it became the backwards baseball hat. That was really tough! But after that trend reached the tipping point, it wasn’t tough enough, so then it became the sideways baseball hat. This became the new middle finger to society—“look at me, I’m really bad!” About this time you’re probably saying: “Lighten up! You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Clothes don’t make the man. It’s what’s inside that counts.” Especially on this campus, where a high percentage of students attend daily Mass and adoration, what difference does it make if some men forget to take off their hats? Cut them some slack, for goodness sake. Well, there are two problems here. The first is that, in many cases, I don’t think these men forget to take off their hats in a building. I think they actually don’t even know they’re supposed to, because nobody ever taught them any manners. The second problem—you’re going to think this is really over the
top—is that this behavior is a form of idolatry. Idolatry? Yes. Theologically speaking, an idol is anything to which we attach our desire other than God. A fixation on fashion is a form of idolatry. Young men engage in this backwards, sideways baseball hat thing—which actually looks quite ridiculous—because they see rock stars, sports figures or movie stars on the cover of People Magazine or the tabloids doing it. Everybody knows that Brad Pitt, Bruce Springsteen and Derek Jeter are cool, so if I wear a hat like him, I’ll be cool too. They covet this fashionable look, and this covetousness is a form of idolatry. Recently, Pope Benedict XVI, in a major speech at Les Invalides in Paris, called upon Christians to shun the “new idols.” “This appeal to shun idols,” the Pope said, “is also pertinent today…The word ‘idol’ comes from the Greek and means ‘image’, ‘figure’, ‘representation’, but also ‘ghost,’ ‘phantom,’ ‘vain appearance’. An idol is a delusion, for it turns its worshipper away from reality and places him in the kingdom of mere appearances.” I don’t know whether the Pope was speaking of baseball hats in the classroom when he gave that speech. But if the shoe fits, wear it. Christian gentlemen do not wear their hats inside a building. Period. It’s bad manners. It’s disrespectful. So, gentlemen, lose your hats.
B. A. R. E. Beards Are Really Evil
~A guest article from Michael P. McKeating
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St. Radegunde, pray for us!
Mable’s Manifesto When you think of vandalism, do you typically think of crosses, Catholic catch phrases, household logos, and innumerable amounts of gum? I didn’t think so. So what juxtaposes vandalism, religious symbols, and gum you might ask? The answer is the vandalism found on the classroom desks at the Franciscan University, the so called “holy graffiti,” which is plaguing our campus. Admittedly, vulgar words and depictions are not found on Franciscan’s desks as at other universities and this has been hailed by some as a mark of how Franciscan is special. But is this really something that should be boasted about and hailed as a mark of “dynamic orthodoxy?” No, gentle readers, no, it is simply untidy! One thing that is most dangerous to any group of highly zealous individuals is the danger of whitewashing that which is wrong just because it is couched or veiled in religious symbolism. Miss Mabel knows the danger of this oh too well…sigh… Anyway, does drawing a cross on a classroom desk somehow make it right to draw on someone else’s prop-
erty? Does associating a household logo with something like vandalism somehow make the Christian message look all that more appealing? Ultimately, does sticking gum on the bottom of desks somehow develop Christian virtue…especially when the trash can is less than ten feet away, for heaven’s sake??!!! If you aren’t agreeing with me, you should at least feel very, very guilty. Take pity on your fellow students and physical plant workers and cleaning people everywhere and please refrain from vandalizing the desks by writing on them, drawing on them, or sticking your gum on them. Sympathize and feel for the proletariat. Yet, unfortuWe find in a can unique nately, even ourselves though readers be relaboratory here at Franciscan quested to refrain from vandalizing uniUniversity—a microcosm andeiversity property, many people will ther flat out ignore such a request magnification of the Christian (shame, shame) or not be able toculture comply confrontation with secular because their artistic urge overpowers them and they can’t help themselves. I understand that the desire to doodle is very strong, but we must refrain! Therefore, Miss Mabel’s Housekeeping Tip #503.8 is that the
households who have logos inscribed on desks volunteer to clean one classroom of desks. Even though logos were not necessarily inscribed by household members, it would be an excellent household commitment not only to do a work of mercy by removing these distracting doodles, but also to work towards personal holiness with such an exemplary act of penance. Remember that when you are a member of a group you are part of a whole and therefore must take responsibility for the acts of the whole. Miss Mabel also knows this all too well…sigh. Anyway, households can even commit to saying one Our Father or Hail Mary while they remove each inscription or piece of gum. This can be a great aid in the further sanctification of households here on campus and would help save them from their bourgeoisie brain washing. Volunteer requests can be made to Gina Motto, the custodial coordinator for Egan Hall. Say it with me comrades: “Equality, fraternity, and cleanliness for all.”
~MB
I Do or Die That is why we all came to college, you know. I hope none of my readers were illusioned into supposing that they came here to get an education, or to grow spiritually and be prepared to take their places in the world as mature adults ready to serve Christ in the world. No. The purpose of a college or university is to get oneself a spouse, and as quickly as possible. You are not here to achieve a bachelor of arts or sciences degree. You are not here for your master’s degree—no, not at all. You are here, quite simply, to get your MRS degree — or the male equivalent. I hope everyone already knows this, but it is worth repeating: If God is calling you to the vocation of marriage, then it is your responsibility to go to every dance or social
function on campus, spend every waking moment at the JC (except for those unfortunate intervals when you must go to class), wear your best clothes every day, never go out without make-up/ cologne, and have a crush on everyone you meet, just in case. After all, it is your duty to try desperately and search constantly to find your spouse. You can’t risk missing him/her for life just because you didn’t look hard enough, and you certainly can’t just live your life “trusting” that God will provide. No one could be so impractical as to suppose that when the right person comes along, you will love that person for his/her own sake. I need not point out, either, how ridiculous is the attitude that if God wants you to marry someone, you
can just let Him work everything out in His own time. That is fanatical and idealistic. And so the next time fliers appear advertising a dance or social event, feel the tension crackle in the air and rejoice. As girls gather in groups to mourn over the steadily dwindling supply of single men, sympathize. As men begin to shower and perhaps even comb their hair, smile and be grateful. For this is the proper way to discern one’s vocation to married life. One last tip for those who may be of a pious turn of mind: it is a good practice to spend some time every day in the Port, not for any pie-in-the-sky reason such as love of God, but rather so that good Catholics will see you there and know that you are a suitable candidate for marriage. (Continued on page 6)
St. John, pray for us!
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The Finer Things of Ramen It is 17 cents, it is relatively tasty, and it has no nutritional value. No wonder college students love it. But let’s face it. Beef, pork, and chicken get a little tame after a while and so before you turn to those creamy shrimp packages you have been avoiding for the past week, but curiosity might just be getting the better of you, read these recipes. You might never look back. Glazed Ramen. Okay, put as little water in the pot as possible. Usually, a third of a cup. Place on high heat. Wait until it starts to boil, and then add noodles and spice packet. Stir and cook on high until there is no water left in the pot and the noodles look a little crispy. Serves 1 or two depending on your hunger. Eat with celery stalks and Dr. Pepper. Egg Drop Ramen (Sounds gross and actually looks kind of gross, but at least you’ll get your protein) Again put as much or little water in pot as you like, but add spice packet. Place on high heat. In another bowl, stir an egg with a fork until incorporated. When the sauce is boiling, stir the water and slowly drizzle the egg into the boiling water. Make sure you stir well or you will end up with grainy scrambled eggs instead of those egg ribbons we are trying for here. Now you have to act quickly. Because of the binding qualities of the egg, the water will begin to boil over in this weird foamy mass so turn down heat and add the noodles. Keep
stirring until noodles are soft and voila! Egg Drop Ramen. Because of the egg, it’s a little rich so it serves two. A little carrot sticks, some Coca-Cola and you got yourself a meal. Thai Ramen (The Japanese and the Thai influences blended in a truce that the two countries could never achieve. This is basically poor man’s Pad Thai.) Boil a decent amount of water. Add spice packet. Now when it starts to simmer, add a decent dab of peanut butter, a little rice wine vinegar, and soy sauce (you can use the condiment
packets from Chinese food restaurants. Hey, they are complimentary). Depending on your spicy meter, you can add a little hot sauce too. (All I can say is stay away from the Taco Bell hot sauces! Yilch!) Make sure the mixture is properly wet. If the peanut butter gets too gungky, add a little more water and keep on stirring. Now add the noodles. Cook until the noodles are soft. Serve with some crumbled peanuts and drink a cold Diet Coke because it is a little salty. ~GL
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only slightly wider than the national average. What accounts for the slightly higher percentage of women at FUS? Well, where else do you get brightly colored tee-shirts with slogans like “Former Embryo” or “I Love Tommy More”? Where else do you have phenomena such as “share group” or praise and worship dance parties? Besides, the more plentiful availability of chocolate at Jazzman's probably plays somewhere in the mix. So I believe we have gathered that there are indeed more girls on campus than guys. But that still doesn't explain why girls outnumber guys at Mass by as much as 3 to 1! Some hypothesize that girls tend to be more
spiritually oriented than guys. They point to the fact that St. John was the only man who stayed around on Calvary. I don't know if we quite want to concede that one, but maybe we could say that girls do tend to be very faithful to their devotions. But that's not the end of the story – after all there are a lot of holy men on campus faithful to their prayer lives as well. So here's my theory for the 3 to 1 ratio at Mass. Girls tend to be more social than guys and are always gathering in groups. In fact, I think it's gotten to the point where many FUS girls don't go anywhere alone – absolutely nowhere! So I propose a combined theory – that there are certain girls out there who have made pious commit-
(Be a good roommate first from page 1)
(I do or Die from page 4)
laundry, weird habits, late nights and early mornings. Because there’s no reason why a roommate relationship (like a marital one!) shouldn’t be a catalyst for growth in maturity and holiness. Now go tell your roommate you love him! And clean up your side of the room!
God forbid graduation ceremonies should find us with the ringfingers on our left hands bare and forsaken. Obviously, life would not be worth living without a boy/girlfriend, a fiancé(e), or finally, a husband or wife. Without one of these, your social status is null and you will be an object of scorn to all the more fortunate people on campus. ~LB
(Girl snowball effect from page 1)
~ED
(Can this marriage be saved? from page 2)
kazoo in the choir. The kazoo is not an instrument and I think the Catechism actually states that kazoos are not to be played during Mass. I appreciate the whole Girl Scout fondness for it, but it will never replace the organ or the piano or even the guitar for that matter. I would willingly and lovingly teach Elizabeth the parts of the Mass in Latin if she would show the slightest interest but she insists on her kazoo and folk
songs. I am willing to compromise if only she would. Counselor: I spent a large amount of time with the couple discussing the differences in each of the Masses and we came to the conclusion that the disparities could be overcome. JP promised to try and become more involved in the Charismatic Mass. Elizabeth said that she would try to learn Latin. There was a struggle when we did find that
ments to go do daily Mass, and as they go, they can't help but gather more and more girlfriends with them until the chapel is filled with students lining up along the back wall, and the sacristan has to open up the side Eucharistic chapel to make some meager attempt at accommodating all of them. I propose to call this phenomenon the “girl power snowball effect.” While the “girl power snowball effect” may make life a bit harder for the ushers, I'm sure the Catechetics departments would heartily approve. Further, I'm certain that you are now completely satisfied that we have indeed come to the bottom of this most perplexing issue. ~ MJR
Only YOU can prevent apathy! Write for the Gadfly! notestothegadfly@gmail.com kazoos were forbidden in Sunday Mass but Elizabeth overcame her tears when JP suggested that she start a Girl Scout chapter at church. Each person came to appreciate the other’s passions and their love grew stronger for their sacrifices. I am hopeful that that this marriage can be saved. ~AL
Just say
NO to beards B.A.R.E.
to keep beards off faces