The Gadfly “To persuade and reproach” - Socrates, The Apology
Vol. XI, Iss. III October 6, 2009
A.D. 2809: ARCHAEOLOGISTS UNEARTH THE LEGENDARY UNIVERSITY OF STEUBENVILLE! It’s the year 2809, and archaeologists have found an important site. The legendary and long-lost University of Steubenville has been found! No more can it be said to be a mere figment of an overactive imagination. This dig is a sure goldmine—a direct view into the life of a rare band of homo sapiens. Honestly, little is scientifically known about these unusual people. But it is believed that the Steubenville civilization had a strong belief in the afterlife, as gathered from the fact that the site was discovered on an altitude higher than the surrounding re-
gion. Also, a graffiti inscription traced into wet concrete on a hillside path reads “Souls in Purgatory”—another likely reference to an afterlife. Currently, artifacts are being gathered and meticulously studied so as to extrapolate more information. Another nearby dig is being conducted as a strange formation of bricks has been discovered in a nearby valley. The team is feverishly working on this project because an important discovery has been made—metal letters have been discovered in the sediment! Specialists in the
ancient English language have reassembled the letters and believe them to read “TRINITY HALL.” Because of the nature of the wear on the bricks and the layering of the sediment in the valley, it is believed that this “Trinity Hall” structure was once on top of the hill with the rest of the settlement. It is believed that lightning struck a large tree with roots under the structure, such that when the tree fell down the hill, the structure followed. From the discovery at the site of unusual corded hand-held devices (Continued on page 6)
A Fast from Faith and Reason? Now perhaps my critique will expose just how far I am from sainthood or maybe it will force me to lose any graces that I may have merited had I kept silent. Yet, just maybe, this critique will serve the role that all well-meaning critiques desire— to bring about a change. This is mostly because the change I desire, while impacting myself, is not for me but rather for the general community here at Franciscan University. Last semester I opened an email from the University. In it was a letter from the bishop of Steubenville asking the mem-
bers of the diocese, and by extension Franciscan University, to abstain from meat on Fridays for the next year for an end to abortion. This came at the end of Lent so I wasn’t exactly thrilled to continue with no meat on Fridays yet it wasn’t really that much of a sacrifice. For the most part, I was able to hold to it, as I believe many others have done as well and for much longer than I. However, I have come to notice that sometimes the meatless fare is difficult to find. The Caf offers a multitude of delightful choices and if New England clam chowder or tomato soup doesn’t fit the bill, fish is usually
served up at the main line. An exception to this rule was the supper on Friday of Opening Weekend. At this event it was most notably obvious that the University had forgotten its own request. A supper of hot dogs and side dishes was the only meal to choose from unless one wanted cereal. At extra events outside the Caf, meat abounds. “Fly Me to the Moon” had a nice atmosphere and a table filled with appealing appetizers as well. However, as far as I could see, meat was a staple in every appetizer served. The same nearly held true for the Continued on page 4