The Gadfly “To persuade and reproach” - Socrates, The Apology
Vol. XI, Iss. III October 6, 2009
A.D. 2809: ARCHAEOLOGISTS UNEARTH THE LEGENDARY UNIVERSITY OF STEUBENVILLE! It’s the year 2809, and archaeologists have found an important site. The legendary and long-lost University of Steubenville has been found! No more can it be said to be a mere figment of an overactive imagination. This dig is a sure goldmine—a direct view into the life of a rare band of homo sapiens. Honestly, little is scientifically known about these unusual people. But it is believed that the Steubenville civilization had a strong belief in the afterlife, as gathered from the fact that the site was discovered on an altitude higher than the surrounding re-
gion. Also, a graffiti inscription traced into wet concrete on a hillside path reads “Souls in Purgatory”—another likely reference to an afterlife. Currently, artifacts are being gathered and meticulously studied so as to extrapolate more information. Another nearby dig is being conducted as a strange formation of bricks has been discovered in a nearby valley. The team is feverishly working on this project because an important discovery has been made—metal letters have been discovered in the sediment! Specialists in the
ancient English language have reassembled the letters and believe them to read “TRINITY HALL.” Because of the nature of the wear on the bricks and the layering of the sediment in the valley, it is believed that this “Trinity Hall” structure was once on top of the hill with the rest of the settlement. It is believed that lightning struck a large tree with roots under the structure, such that when the tree fell down the hill, the structure followed. From the discovery at the site of unusual corded hand-held devices (Continued on page 6)
A Fast from Faith and Reason? Now perhaps my critique will expose just how far I am from sainthood or maybe it will force me to lose any graces that I may have merited had I kept silent. Yet, just maybe, this critique will serve the role that all well-meaning critiques desire— to bring about a change. This is mostly because the change I desire, while impacting myself, is not for me but rather for the general community here at Franciscan University. Last semester I opened an email from the University. In it was a letter from the bishop of Steubenville asking the mem-
bers of the diocese, and by extension Franciscan University, to abstain from meat on Fridays for the next year for an end to abortion. This came at the end of Lent so I wasn’t exactly thrilled to continue with no meat on Fridays yet it wasn’t really that much of a sacrifice. For the most part, I was able to hold to it, as I believe many others have done as well and for much longer than I. However, I have come to notice that sometimes the meatless fare is difficult to find. The Caf offers a multitude of delightful choices and if New England clam chowder or tomato soup doesn’t fit the bill, fish is usually
served up at the main line. An exception to this rule was the supper on Friday of Opening Weekend. At this event it was most notably obvious that the University had forgotten its own request. A supper of hot dogs and side dishes was the only meal to choose from unless one wanted cereal. At extra events outside the Caf, meat abounds. “Fly Me to the Moon” had a nice atmosphere and a table filled with appealing appetizers as well. However, as far as I could see, meat was a staple in every appetizer served. The same nearly held true for the Continued on page 4
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St. Clare, pray for us!
Staff: Michael J. Ruszala (M.R.) Amanda LaMuro (A.M.) Tony Leccecce (T.L.) Emilyn Haremza (E.H.) Layout Editor: Rosalie Doudna (R.D.) Business Manager: Charles Pobee-Mensah (C.P.M.) Editor in Chief: Gillian LaMuro (G.L.) ** Please note that the views held in the individual articles do not necessarily express the views of the whole staff. **
Letter from the Editor A long time ago, when the earth was green, withy humptydumpty camels and so on, I urged my writers (except Emmie, for obvious reasons) to not write about dating. I felt there was too much of it and we, the Gadfly, needed a different image than the paper that complains about dating all the time. It was like we were the bitter, ugly friend in the trio of school papers, with Lumen being the bohemian wildcard and the Troub, the responsible main character. Well, in a moment of weakness, since my writers have been so wonderful and have made me fall in love all over again with begging the IHI Mafia/Wester Family Reunion/FUSA for money to survive, that I said something like, “well, I might let you guys write about dating.”
Before I knew it, I was overwhelmed with dating articles, but of a caliber, that I knew that my writers had been working on them for a surprisingly long time. Dating articles were popping up everywhere, with Sterling White, that literary notable (don’t hurt me, Sterling) even getting in on the picture. I guess it’s catching because all of a sudden, I, myself, felt the need to talk about dating. Well, actually the choice to not date, but I won’t stand behind technicalities. So, I’ve sold out, folks. But when I look at the mighty sellouts before me, (Iggy Pop selling insurance, Johnny Rotten selling Irish Butter, Pete Townsend with CSI), you know, I really don’t feel so bad. Enjoy! ~ The Editor
Interested in joining our staff? Email us at
Why You Should Not Date ~Mission Statement~ The Gadfly is an attempt to “bite the sleeping horse” in the spirit of Socrates. It is a student publication whose purpose is to facilitate discussion concerning campus and cultural issues as they pertain to students of Franciscan University. It aims to be a forum for open, well-thought out, and honest discussion towards the end of knowing and loving truth in its most robust sense.
Advisor: Dr. John White Advisor Extraordinaire
There was this one scene from I, Claudius where this one official Roman guy and his wife were facing a trial and the outcome did not look good. Well, the evil villainess of the piece, Livia, (played by the indefatigable Welsh actress, Sian Phillips, who I was named after by the way, but that’s another story) had gotten to the wife who suggested to the husband (this is getting unwieldy)that they both commit suicide by dagger rather than face the trial. The husband, being Roman of course, thought this was a marvelous idea and starting getting all poetic about their blood
mingling together when the wife suggested he go first. This is suicide by dagger after all, and this Roman family, being economical about the dagger situation, had only one, prompting the necessity of someone taking the lead. Well, the man, took the lead, and bought the big one, while the girl chickened out and did not. There, my friends, is the problem with dating. Now before you say, “she’s been taking the fruit loops again,” let me just say I did not want to have to do this. I am not a bitter and hateful person who Continued on page 7
St. Martha, pray for us!
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Is the Beard a Privation for Men? Objections. 1. It seems that a beard, because of its inherent power to repel some women, would not be a good for man. God created man to cling to his wife, and they are to “become one flesh.” Further, any impediment to the fulfillment of this union would be an apparent privation for man. 2. If a man cannot obtain a full beard, like those of the Greeks and Jews, this may cause scandal and embarrassment for such a man if he were to grow what facial hair he could. To be the subject of such constant harassments is surely no small privation for man. This being the case, a beard is not a good for every man, but rather a privation. 3. As regards a man’s good health, a beard is a totally abject hindrance. As a perfect breeding ground for lice, ticks, and perhaps mold from remaining food particles, a beard may form for a man a serious risk for sickness. This holding, a beard can in no way be a good for man. On the contrary, men (most men) by nature will acquire a beard in the absence shaving. Therefore, for a man to be without a beard is a privation to his being (esse). I answer: The beard cannot be a privation for men. All men by nature desire the beard. Rather, men inflict privation upon their being by the ritual morning shave. Our Lord Jesus, according to tradition, had a beard. In this sense, as far as Christ reveals man to himself, Christ has revealed that men ought to succumb to beard growing. And so it is that every man ought to grow what beard he can.
Answers to Objections. 1. Not all women are opposed to beards. Some women, experiencing immediate repulsion at the sight of a man’s beard, have simply lost touch with the roots of their femininity that indicates to them that beards are good. Also, they ought to be concerned for the good of those they love. They should not desire that the man they espouse experience any privation to his being; each woman must will the good of her beloved. It must be said, then, that women ought to desire beards for the men they love (even offering prayer and supplication for such a blessing in a man’s life). 2. Though men with scruffy beards may be received with greater criticism, this ought to be cause for rejoicing, not embarrassment. There must be rejoicing because the climate is such, by their scruffy beards, for them to grow in humility. This is, of course, a most precious virtue. Further, it may be said, that men who shave their scruffy beards cause greater privation to their being by avoiding what will most assuredly move them toward greater holiness of life. 3. When growing a beard, men must not let it become an occasion for being dirty. Men must tend to their beards with devotion. It would rather be a property of the man’s own failure in hygiene that would make a beard a danger for his health, not the beard itself. So it follows that a beard is not a privation by its threat of disease. ~Corey Tufford
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Professor Quotes of the Week:
“You’re being way too gringo.” - Dr. Spinnenweber
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Festa D’Italia. The food that I did eat without meat was delicious but hard to find. A friend managed to grab me a couple pieces of tomato and cheese pizza after having to pass over a failed attempt of cheese pizza with lurking bits of chicken. Honestly, it wasn’t a tremendous problem and my stomach was still filled with the Caf’s clam chowder. I’ve been told that at Franciscan University faith and reason meet. However, I just can’t figure out how if the faithful leader of this diocese asks us to sacrifice (and the University obviously agreed with it by sending the bishop’s letter to us) it is reasonable not to provide many options for the students to do so. Perhaps
St. Radegunde, pray for us!
Franciscan University is just one step ahead of me and desires me to have something else to offer up for an end to abortion. I am not complaining about having to pass over a few foods choices because it is good for me to forgo my own desires. My idea is that perhaps by providing more appealing meatless options, more students would be able to fulfill the bishop’s request. To have more students sacrificing for an end to abortion can only be a good thing. Since this University is so staunchly pro-life and so We find ourselves in a unique enthusiastically Catholic, it only laboratory here at Franciscan seems reasonable to provide the University—a andof faithful with anmicrocosm abundance magnification of the Christian ways to do their part. Of course confrontation with more secularthan culture sacrifice requires the
The Official Who’s You think you are at an obscure little Midwestern college. Well, that’s because you have no imagination, my friend. Look closer at this campus’ faculty and your eyes will be opened to a magical world of professors who after you have stared at them long enough droning on about something or other, you poor tired mind sees something totally different than your mild mannered Franciscan professor. Take for instance: Prof. Joseph Zoric bears a striking resemblance to a certain devious Smoking Man from the XFiles, which is slightly unfair as he neither smokes nor operates mass evil conspiracies. Or so it seems…
University leading us by the hand but it couldn’t hurt to try to help others sacrifice more easily, if that isn’t an oxymoron. Ultimately, the decision rests in the hands of the students yet the University can attempt to make the choice easier. This critique is not meant to be a student complaining that she had to forgo eating delicious foods but rather a student desiring the University to provide ample options for others to sacrifice. Maybe the ultimate question is: Are there more graces brought about by a smaller group abstaining from meat or from a larger group sacrificing for the babies? ~By: Trish Irvine
Who of F.U.
Dr. Stephen Lewis is lucky enough to look like both Lindsey Buckingham (Fleetwood Mac anyone?…sigh) and Liev Schreiber of Saber-tooth fame, only with out the fangs and claws. But he is still kind of scary. Dr. Daniel Kuebler, in a very obscure reference, bears a striking resemblance to the drummer (yes, the drummer) from the British band, loathed by Noel Gallagher, Keane. His name also recalls cookies for extra credit. A & P was never so tasty or magical. Dr. Scott Hahn looks like that guy on EWTN all the time! Oh wait… Dr. John Herrmann, although a very nice and wonderful human being, bears the cross of looking
like everyone favorite gangster, Al Pacino. But not in the creepy Dog Day Afternoon way. More like the cool Michael Corleone way. Dr. Patrick Lee looks like (if you hold your head juuuust right), my favorite 007, Pierce Brosnan. Trust me, okay. Dr. John Holmes looks a lot like Baron Von Steubie. I wonder why no one else has ever noticed this before… Try it out, my fellow students. You will be surprised. ~ G.L.
St. John, pray for us!
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Dear Emmie, Dear Emmie, I’ve only been dating this guy for a couple months and everything is going great except he doesn’t seem to understand I need time with my friends without him. Every time I say I have plans with the girls he says “Great. When are we going?” My friends are getting fed up to because they feel like I can’t hang out with them anymore. What do I do? He’s really dragging me down
with your friends, he can be with his. They might be feeling neglected lately too.
Dear He’s really dragging me down, Friends are really important especially since they might be there long after your love interest in gone. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy and I’m sure he doesn’t mean to come between you and your friends. You definitely need to tell him though, and here’s the key, it’s how you tell him. Make it clear that you really like spending time with him but that you need girl time too. Your relationships outside your love relationship are very important to staying together as a couple. Couples who don’t have lives outside of the relationship usually feel constrained and it affects them. Problem is they are afraid to talk about it at it festers until someone’s feelings explode. Explain to him that your friends are very important to you and you wanting your time with them doesn’t mean you feel anything less than for him. And hey maybe while you are
Dear He’s All Wrong For Her, Put HER as the main priority. Make clear the reasons that you don’t think he’s right for her. Be concise and tell her that you care. Try as hard as possible not to sound Catty in anyway. When you talking to her be sure to listen to her feelings too, and ask her why she’s attracted to this guy. Help her feel out her feelings. Is it just a crush and if so can she let it pass. If you take time to listen to her, she will most likely be willing to listen to you. But her decisions are her decisions and if she still wants to go after the guy that’s her prerogative. Don’t pout if she doesn’t see it your way.
Dear Emmie, My best friend is into this guy and really wants to go out with him but I think he’s all wrong for her. I feel like I have to say something but how? He’s All Wrong For Her
Do you have a dating/relationship question for Emmie? Major gripe with what she says? Email her at EHaremza001@student.franciscan.edu
Pop Culture Seminar Quote:
“There is not fate, but what we make.” Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
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with signs of heavy wear and with buttons positioned for operation by the thumb, it is believed that the inhabitants of Trinity Hall spent a great deal of the day holding these devices in their hands, clicking the buttons up and down. Just imagine young students sitting in a circle making clicking noises together! This is a very primitive form of entertainment indeed, but we must remember that the Steubenville civilization certainly lacked the superior benefits of the 29th century. As to the actual beliefs of the civilization, only so much can be extrapolated without buying into the Steubenville religiosity myth. A shiny, iridescent, flat, circular object with a hole in the middle has been unearthed and is on its way to the Museum of Ancient and Obsolete Technology. This seems to be a primitive form of data storage—a truly rare find. If so, there is no known way of retrieving the information. But legend has it that once there was a great wise man in the Steubenville civilization—a certain Hahn Scotus. Several fragments of books by this name have been discovered in a library some several thousand miles away. Thus it seems that the Steubenville civilization had access to important trade routes and means of distributing its literature.
St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us!
Scholars, however, dispute how much of these books can really be attributed to Hahn himself, since it is believed that many parts may be simply later additions by his students and admirers. For example, it is unlikely that Hahn himself would have written chapter titles such as “Mary Had a Little Lamb” or book titles such as “Rome Sweet Home.” Very few scholars deny that this is a clear sign of a catechetical-minded redactor reworking the text. Also, because of the admiration given to the Hahn name, it is likely that students put forward their own works in his name. We must remember, however, that in the primitive 21st century this was not considered dishonest but simply a way of honoring a beloved teacher. Thus, the search for the “historical Hahn” continues. Legend has it that the University traced its beginnings to a kind of “charismatic renewal” of the “Spirit”. This seems most unlikely to the enlightened 29th century sensibilities and must be understood in purely sociological terms. Rather, for 29th century readers, “charismatic renewal” may be demythologized as mere symbolic language for “increased enrollment.” From what we know of 21st century youth, there was very little religiosity. Certainly
accounts of large crowds of eager young people at religious events are simply part of the myth—very unlikely indeed! Nowadays in the 29th century, we don’t have to care about “man” or “religion.” Now we have been fully liberated of all these superstitious ideas and are free to acknowledge the superiority of the machine. Steubenville is a vestige of the past—a painful and stinging prick to our clearly superior and further evolved intellectual apparatus. *Note from the author: This article is largely a satire on a certain type of modern critical scholars who use purely scientific methods to strip away everything important from the Bible and form other traditional sources of thought such that nothing of real value is left. They’re just looking from the outside, rejecting all tradition, narrative, and the possibility of a spiritual dimension of reality. This mindset of “scientifically” taking apart historical or scriptural texts is called “deconstructionalism,” and is often misuses the historical-critical method to its own end of applying its own meaning to the text rather than letting the text or the tradition surrounding it speak for itself. The historical-critical method is helpful in itself and has greatly advanced biblical scholarship, but Pope Benedict reminds us to always approach Scripture with a “hermeneutic of faith,” being critical of the critical method so as to put it at the service of truth.
~ M.R.
WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! Tell us wha t you think by emailing: notestothe gadfly@gmail.com
St. Teresa of Avila, pray for us!
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There are portraits of all of the University’s presidents hanging in Antonian Hall. All of them have a white matting, except for Fr. Scanlan’s, which is burgundy. Why is this?
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wants to set Santa Clause on fire and kill kittens or anything, despite what all my friends say. I am actually quite the romantic and have been know to break out, in proper Doris Day fashion, in love songs while dancing down the street. Well, after a fashion, anyway. After all, Antonia Frasier pointed out in her introduction to Love Letters (see, I read love letters!) that people who mention too often that they have never been in love, are simply asking you to save them from this plight. I’m not, by the way, as I am saving myself for a certain dashing Federation Starship captain or a 6’5 Scottish DJ, whoever I meet first. If I were you, I’d bet on the DJ. Really, in a perfect world, this article would be written by an old curmudgeonly man with a Ben Franklin ‘do. But no! Like Dorothea’s first husband from Middlemarch, all our bitter old curmudgeonly types are now discerning their “vocation” and can’t stop talking about how wonderful the marital union is. Gross, right? Anyway, now I have to and I don’t like to one bit, but nature abhors a vacuum so I must don my old curmudgeonly cape and write this article. So where were we? The suicidal Romans! This is my first point.
See, when the dating process begins, someone has to take the jump and often the other one chickens out like our snitchy Roman friend. Ladies usually demand that the men take this lead, and the men all promptly agree while insisting that the girl has to let them know they like them though first. And that happens to be the main problem on this campus. Not bad dating, but lack of dating. That’s what all the hip kids are complaining about. No one is brave enough to take the leap and who wants to date a bunch of wimps? I know I don’t. Who wants to date a guy who would run away if an enormous black bear attacked you because he didn’t know if the bear would respond in the right way or the bear “intimidated” him? Would he quickly build a phaser out of the supplies available to him and kill the bear? I don’t think so… Second point, dating wastes a lot of time and money. Everyone who dates sees a decrease in grades. Every male who dates sees a decrease in funds. Every female who dates sees an increase in BMI. Everyone who dates has a waste of emotion. See, the French have this saying about love, “There is the one who kisses, and the one who is kissed,” meaning
that in every relationship someone is more in love than the other one. Rather cynical, and they are called the cheese-eating surrender monkeys for a reason, but there is a certain truth to what they say. In young relationships, there is a great deal of immaturity and infatuation and bad things happen when these two mix. Bad things like crying. Lots of it. Third point, a source of temptation. No, us? I know I usually mock people who get too persnickety about this, especially the Franciscan Taliban who want women to wear burkas (avert your eyes! ANKLES!), but let’s face it. If you don’t date, physical impurity is not a problem. People, dating is a hassle. You have to deal with creepers, weepers, and all the nutsos in between. But some people find magical, wonderful love that sets vampires on fire at twilight or something. I haven’t kept up with the latest romantic fiction. So, you can take the Tennyson route, and love and lose and love again or you can simply abstain from the nonsense. Your choice, hombres. ~G.L.
j|Çx? j|à tÇw jtzzxÜç Christian Dating for Men (part 2) In my last article, I addressed the male Christian “problem” as I felt John Eldredge was trying to convey in his book Wild at Heart, and then I related it to a need of leadership and initiation in men on our campus. In this week’s article I would like to dig deeper into manhood as a foundation as well as look at how we should go about attaining it. As men we have a great and important responsibility to the women of the world and to God. And as men at Franciscan University, we are severely lacking. Nevertheless this University can still serve as an ideal place for the formation of a man. Unfortunately much of this does not come from observing our peers. It does, however, come from emulating our mentors. Many of the best examples of manhood that this world has can be fouond right here in the faculty, staff, priests, and associates of Franciscan University. An attentive eye will easily pick out which of their professors, confessors, and advisors have been able to maintain an ardent orthodoxy of faith as well as a confident aura of manhood in their everyday lives. This is sometimes in stark contrast to what they see among even well-
intending peers. But what does this have to do with Christian dating? Well, the great and important responsibility that we men have to women and to God can be seen clearly in the actions of well-formed Christian men. Too often, the first thing that a Franciscan student does when he has a problem in a dating relationship (or lack thereof) is go to the Port with the problem. My advice is different. Go to a strong man of God, and then among other things, he will tell you to go to the Port. Men have fears, addictions, problems and desires that are not easily understood by women. Nor is it the place of women to be attempting to fix them, yet it is deathly important that they work each of them out in order to have right relationships with women and with God. One helpful way to begin paying attention to these areas in your life is by making sure that you find a mentor and then take the self initiative to address these issues while meeting with him. Other ways that you will find just as helpful if not more so include engaging specifically about manhood with friends or household brothers, going on men’s retreats, and joining a men’s group. Although many men on
campus are not necessarily the ideal people to emulate, they are often the best people with whom to relate. Also, retreats and groups are safe, affirming environments to grow in manhood in real and effective ways. I often go into a conversation in these types of situations thinking it will be uncomfortable and come out feeling refreshed and affirmed. The surprise of how other men struggle with the same things that we do is one that will continually shock you, but only if you open yourself up to these men in the first place. As a man, rooting yourself in things masculine and gaining a confident idea of what that means is very basic to dating relationships. Women are made to very much compliment men in their masculinity, and this will become prevalent and even exciting as we deepen our knowledge of what God means when he calls us man. True manliness is what women are attracted to. True manliness is what makes women feel safe. And a true man is one that a woman will marry. This is what comes from God and is dispersed through His servants on earth. The men you can trust. The true men. ~ C.P.M.
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