A Lesson for Living Limitless

Everyone has a #LiveLimitless story. Some of us are at the beginning of learning to overcome our limitations, while others face their challenges head-on every day. According to WarriorRic, we all have limitations no matter where we start in life, and it is vital to learn the lessons and persevere until we are all overcomers.

By WarriorRic

I You know, free to be who I wanted to be. My parents, who emigrated from Panama to the US in the 1950’s, were brilliant at giving me a safe and secure environment to grow up in. There in my hometown of Berkeley, California, they encouraged me to be whoever and whatever I wanted to be. Like any good parent, Mom and Dad were poised to give me the best possible upbringing.

My early life was filled with the kinds of opportunities you’d expect from a recently liberated America that was formerly bound by the hopelessness of segregation. I had friends and neighbours from every corner of the globe. They were not just a diverse people because of skin tone and hair texture, but because of a vast array of unique cultures that were very familiar to a diverse Latin American family like mine. My neighbours were, for the most part, friendly and generous, ready to raise a village – even if my friends and I were naughty and not part of their biological family. More importantly, my own home came fully equipped: good schooling, home-cooked meals, a warm bed and two amazing siblings to boot – a brother and a sister!

I had the required care and attention from birth to express my limitless soul. I was that child who was not only loved but encouraged to stretch beyond limitations, whether brought on by society or my own conjured up selfdoubt. I benefitted from examples of limitless living all around me, as well as undesirable models of closed mindsets that produced overt unhappiness. To me, sad people all seemed to lack the common ingredient of generosity. It convinced me from a young age that if I were a giving person, I would never have to become a grumpy old man.

I was destined for greatness because I had it all. I was well equipped with the loving support of family, a tolerant society and a well-rounded education that went beyond mere prestigious academics. I had everything a child requires to live a fulfilled, happy and limitless life!

However, something happened following my childhood that challenged me, and thankfully, later changed me. Although I was unaware at the time of the detrimental impact to my seemingly indivertible trajectory towards a boundary-free life, I was held captive by my own doing. As someone who was likely to epitomise a limitless life, why would I choose to restrict myself? After all, no one should ever have to feel trapped inside a life meant to be lived free, right? Of course not. Early in my adult life, I was going to learn a valuable lesson about responsibility, accountability and selflessness in order to truly live without limitations.

I have always been gregarious. I had lots of friends in school, and enjoyed very special and fun times that I cherish to this day. I was popular in high school and university. I relished being the centre of attention and I had a manner of attracting wonderful friends. I also had a knack for being a so-called ‘player,’ also referred to as a ‘shark’ in today’s vernacular in South Africa. I was the celebrated gigolo to some of my close male friends, but although kind, chivalrous and charming, to most women I was simply cunning.

I had amazing girlfriends, some plutonic and some serious. On the surface, I was living a limitless life enjoying personal freedoms, even if it meant manipulating my relationships to suit my selfish desires for companionship and intimacy. It was what I had been exposed to in a free, but patriarchal society. I knew it was wrong, but popularity with the boys and acceptance by some girls encouraged my bad behaviour, destroying my first marriage which ended in divorce.

I have always been proud to say that I have never hit a woman. However, I had to learn the meaning of ‘passive aggressive’ while trying to work on my failed marriage because of infidelity. It was only much later, as a proponent to end gender-based violence (GBV), that I learnt abuse is not just physical. I had to learn that GBV starts with emotional, psychological and even economic abuse against women. I had to also unlearn patriarchy, not an easy task, since I benefitted from it. Moreover, to denounce patriarchy could mean losing popularity with some of my male counterparts. Oh well, I guess those celebrating patriarchy are destined to become grumpy old men anyway.

As a child, I knew to avoid becoming that grumpy old man I would have to be generous. However, generosity alone is not enough to live a limitless life. I had to learn to take responsibility for every one of my actions, especially if those actions impacted negatively on another human being. Also, as someone who was raised in a loving home and caring environment, I had a responsibility to take on issues in society where love and care were missing. I always believed in the notion that I could leave this world better than when I entered it. No small task though, especially for a son of immigrant parents who raised the bar on child-rearing.

The African term, Ubuntu means ‘I am because we are.’ It is a message of humanity. The message of freedom is not very different. ‘I am free because we are free.’ To live a limitless life requires freedom. A freedom enjoyed by me and society; a freedom that requires responsibility and accountability. A freedom we must share.

I am reminded of the old biblical reference, “To whom much is given, much is required.” I guess that is where responsibility and accountability have helped me fill the gap, to not only give graciously, but to seek others in need in order to help them to live their lives beyond borders – real or imagined. Perhaps I’m living more limitlessly now because of learning from my failures and my shameful behaviour towards girls whom I should have recognised as future women – wives, mothers and fellow partners in the upliftment of humanity. Maybe more attention to the pain and suffering that psychological and emotional abuse has on women instead of self-aggrandisement and a pitiful standard, boasting ‘I have never hit a woman’, would have had me raise the Ubuntu bar earlier.

To live a limitless life requires a willingness to learn, unlearn and reconcile ourselves to one another. We must live without regret, but learn to apply the lessons. Always give generously and receive graciously. Only then will we help break the chains keeping us from living free and limitless.

WarriorRic (aka Ricardo Gressel) has been a proud SPAR Women’s Challenge Ambassador for five years running. His brand of inspiration and motivation has energised thousands of participants and spectators alike for SPAR events. Over the years he has consistently engaged corporates and schools nationwide with a ‘can-do’ spirit and a message of leadership. As a proud South African American who has lived in Boksburg for over 20 years with four children and two grandchildren, WarriorRic encourages us to find greatness within, instead of searching for it overseas. An advocate for social justice and reform, WarriorRic partners with SPAR in the fight to end Gender- Based Violence.

Gender-based violence is endemic in South Africa and can affect anyone – man, woman or child. SPAR are using the strength of their platform to add their voice, in partnership with LifeLine, in speaking out against GBV and getting victims the help and support they need to see real change in their lives. If you are a victim or you see someone being abused, know that you are not alone in this fight. Contact us and together we can END Gender Based Violence in our communities

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