FreeWrite Zine 1

No one lives, Two are needed To complete one

Changes in Myself

Misdemeanor YVONNE H.

I want to ﬁnish high school. I have two years left and want to make the best of them. After I get my high school diploma I can enroll in college. I’m interested in becoming a professional cosmetologist. I know my teenage years are important and that they will affect my future. Despite all the wrongs I have committed, I hope for another chance to start my life over. and work my way up. I cannot

ANTOINEA M.

“Don’t hi me young lady. Tell your friends bye and make it in the house.” As she walked by, I could tell she saw the look on my face was not so good. “Granny told me you have homework you have not been doing, you have not been coming right home from school, and you also have not been going by her rules,” I say. “What? Do you want to do send her to her grave before it is time for her to go?” I sit on the porch, looking for Nikki to walk up. She comes from across the yard and yells to me. “Hi Mike!” THIS IS A STORY OF A YOUNG MAN WHO HAS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY TO HIS 16 YEAR OLD SISTER , WHO IS LIVING A VERY FAST LIFE.

CRYSTAL S.

Good Life Gone Bad

I think about the things that I have seen in this life. I sit in here just looking and trying to talk to the guys in here. I look at them and think, “That was me before I opened my eyes and ears.” I’m trying to get them to understand what I’m talking about. Today I wish that I had listened to all the people who were there saying these things to me.

DESHAWN S.

Real Talk Cook County Juvenile Detention Center is not fair to those who are incarcerated here. The fact is C.C.J.T.D.C is not a place you would want to be. Obviously it is a place of punishment, but what is fair punishment? Is fair punishment 6 days out of the week eating uncooked, cold and disgusting food that is sloppily given to us as if we were not human beings? Some counselors here think they have the right to deny residents such as myself the respect that we work hard for each and everyday. Who is in charge? It is as if we are being experimented on by the government. It seems like nothing is ever consistent. Things change every single day. There are only 3 female sections, but I’ve seen residents travel back and fourth from all three in less then 2 weeks. C.C.J.T.D.C is an unstable place, and it’s not fair because we all have to suffer.

ANONYMOUS GIRL

Do you think the C.C.J.T.D.C is fair?

As always, sincere thanks to Beth Truett of Chicago Lights, and to our Advisory Committee: Dr. William Ayers, Susan Klonsky, Cheryl Graves, Margaret Hughes, Dr. Lisa Lee, Dr. Carl Bell, Pat Zamora and Luis Rodriguez.

We all fall down, but we get up. I have fallen, but am up standing strong now. I know that my people are here for me. I think, “I have been kept away from my family for one whole year, just because I was trying to ﬂy birds and hold guns.” Now I see only God can hold me down in this lifetime.

Special thanks to Judith Adams, Principal of Nancy B. Jefferson Alternative School, without whom our work would not be possible, as well as to Karen Aguirre, school social worker.

“What do you mean? I do everything granny tell me to do.” As I walked back outside to get some air, I heard my sister on the phone telling one of friends that she will be there in one second.

Thank You. This project is supported in part by the Oppenheimer Family Foundation Teacher Incentive Grant. Additional support comes from an anonymous donor.

I came in on May 1st, 2006. I don’t know when my out-day will be, and I don’t like that. But you know what I do like? Being with my family and lying in my own bed. I can tell you this is no place for anybody. What are we thinking? I just think, “I could be at the house with my family, living the real life, you know?” If I were home, all would be well, but that’s not my call. Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. I think that is what made me open my eyes and ears.

6/7/07 11:35:04 AM

You say I won’t make it because Where I’m from they call me Joe OR Is that a cover up to keep from saying, It’s because my skin is not white as snow I S, I T Because I do my best with the need to protect my chest Is that why u consider me a threat BU T That’s not all right, just because my skin is not white, You say I have no sense of loyalty and when you see Me struggle it makes you feel like royalty WHEN I make one mistake you try to claim I’m crazy, With the mind of a baby

“You are not going no where,” I tell her. “You always treats me like a child. I am 17 years old! I can do what I want!”

JOEY S. JR.

Necessary Changes

Promise got on the bus and went back to her neighborhood. One of Promise’s friends gave her forty dollars. She took it to her friend Ashley’s house to get her hair done. When it was time for Promise to leave Ashley’s, she couldn’t ﬁnd her shoes. She went in the basement to look for them. Ashley’s little sister came down and told Promise that the police were at the door. Promise tried to run out the back but they caught her, arrested her, and sent her to her ﬁrst time at the Audy Home.

ANONYMOUS GIRL

1. I want to have a job. 2. I want to go home. 3. I want to make right choices. 4. I want to make a choice to stop smoking. 5. I want to make children stop coming in here.

Promise was dirty from walking in mud and in cornﬁeld. She’d been getting bitten by insects. She slept in an old, unlocked car morning. She was in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. A stranger stopped his car or her. He asked Promise what was wrong and he told her to get in the car. He took promise to the store, bought her some outﬁts and girly products, and let her take a shower at his house. The stranger left Promise in his house alone, so she stole his money as she left.

No one said jail is supposed to be great, but there are things here that are really bad. I understand that I’m here to serve my time, and I am not asking to get my pillows ﬂuffed or have candy on our beds. I am asking to be treated like a person.

DENNIS R.

I need to change my society and surroundings. In the future I want to be a probation officer. I’ll get there by going to Job Corps and getting my GED. That high school diploma will take me to college and a Master’s degree. I would love to be a probation officer because it pays well and because I would like to help society. If I can keep criminals off the street, they won’t end up hurting any more people like they have hurt me and like I have hurt others. As a probation officer I could put these criminals into good places, where there are positive influences. My probation officer has helped me get into rehab and anger management. I’d like to do that for someone someday, too.

The police chased them really far. Promise crashed the car, got out, and ran. She didn’t have any shoes on because that’s how she was driving. As Promise ran, she heard barking. Behind her were two big German shepherds. Luckily promise was able to get over a gate before the dogs caught her. The police looked for Promise for hours, but they couldn’t ﬁnd her.

COVER ARTWORK: CRYSTAL S., GABRIELLA R., BRICKS BY NICK S.

“As long as you’re staying with my grandmother, you are going to do what she and I tell you to. When you get out of school, then you can go on your own way.” The next day I wake up from a very deep sleep. I realize that my little sister was not around me.

What I want

I would love to change my attitude. I need to stop ignoring the people I love. My friends and family tell me the right things to do, and I don’t listen to what they tell me. I can only listen to my want to ﬁt in to a society that has drugs, money, and gangs involved. When I am trying to do that I push my loved ones away, and that’s not right. I am tired of that and need to set my mind to a change so I can stay away from drugs. The people who love me tell me drugs will kill me and gangs will put a bullet through my dome and end my life. Also they say they don’t want to lose me. They tell me that I am too special for them to lose me this early.

The day before Promise got locked up, she had on a black tank top with a cute skirt and black shoes. She was riding in a 2006 Ford Fusion she had stolen a couple hours before. At about 9:00 PM all her friends lied to their parents in order to ride in her stolen car and do whatever they wanted to do. Together they had about sixty dollars for gas and food. Promise and her friends rode around for about three hours. At about twelve ‘o clock they were doing donuts with the car in a parking lot. Afterward, they all decided to go chill at a friend’s house. Leaving the parking lot, Promise turned the music all the way up. Police came up behind them. Promise told her friends to buckle up because she wasn’t going to stop the car.

Good food is the ﬁrst step to many necessary changes in the Audy Home. The food is sometimes uncooked, and that is not healthy. People sometimes get sick from the uncooked food. The staff doesn’t take the time to put together proper meals for us; they just set some stuff on a plate and send it to us to eat. Sometimes we might have leftovers from three nights ago, sprinkled with dead bugs and freshly fallen hair. Sometimes the food they send us is spoiled or rotten. For example we have had bread that had turned purple and blue from sitting out so long.

ARTWORK BY: ALICE B.

I thank god that there are good people who care about me and love me and are helping me make and keep this promise again. They’re getting me into rehab and behavioral programs. Ofﬁcer Iris J. Rivera is one of those people.

Well it all started when Promise met a boy at school. That boy’s name was Deno, and he became her best friend. He taught her to steal cars and money. Deno had been locked up many times. Promise had not yet.

Secondly, the hygiene products are ridiculous. We have to wash our private parts with anti-bacterial soap, and sometimes people break out because that kind of soap is meant for your hands and not your body. The deodorant is white and runny, and it does not keep perspiration from occurring. Within about ten minutes a person will be sweaty and stinky because we do not have the proper hygiene products. The other residents have to smell that person’s body odor all day until we have showers. The toothpaste supplied to us by the county is also bad. It does not keep our breath fresh.

THIS POEM IS DEDICATED TO MY BROTHER, R.I.P., TO JOSEPH S.

I have made promises in life that I wasn’t able to keep. I wish I could change that. That was before I realized what the real world was like. Now I know. I made a promise to my best friend Mario and to my baby’s daddy Marvin that I regret breaking. It was a promise that would have beneﬁted me if I had kept it. I promised them that I would stop gangbanging, smoking weed, snorting cocaine, and drinking.

DANIELLA E.

“Nikki!” I call her name about ﬁve times, and she still isn’t here. At about seven o’clock I get a phone call. The police tell me my sister has been arrested with a young man. I call around to see what had happened. Around 10 o clock I get another phone call telling me she has court tomorrow. I call my grandmother and give her the bad news The day after that we go to court for my little sister. The word is the young man that was with her had 45.8 pounds of heroin, and she also had 10.5 pounds of coke . My sister was given 2 years in Cook County jail. Her boyfriend was given 6 to 30 for the drug and also for having sex with a very young lady.

Walking down the street as a good little kid, leaning and rocking this rhythmic beat in my head. All at once this joy that I had was shattered by news that was oh-so-sad. I found out my older brother Joseph was dead, “In the twinkle of an eye.” My life changed so drastically. I became a young adult automatically, with newfound tasks and responsibilities and that childhood life I once adored I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy no more. It’s like in a twinkle of an eye stuff change so quick, Like when one of the homeboys says, “Hey lets go hit this lick.” Before you know it in the twinkle of an eye, Your life is over with.

ELISABET G.

There’s Nothing Like The First Time

On our section we have a bug infestation. The nests are everywhere: in our food, in the shower our rooms, and garbage, toilet, and TV areas, we have to swat ﬂies every couple of seconds. For a basic human environment, we need these things ﬁxed. Please provide us with fresh and healthy food, appropriate hygiene products, and exterminate the bugs.

JOEY S. JR.

Changes in My Life

You got to shank someone just to get by. Telling all the guys in there when you was out and it’s a lie. But just try and do right, so you can go home and see the light.

In the twinkle of an eye

I woke up pretty nervous this morning. I was worrying about this day since that one horrible night. I looked to my left through a window. The sky wasn’t so sunny. That had to mean something wasn’t going right. Today is November 25th, the day I had to go to court for a misdemeanor. I really didn’t know what the hell it meant, but it didn’t sound good. Oh man! How could I have gotten myself in that. Things haven’t been so good now that my mom is aware of the activities I’ve been involved in. I feel so ashamed. That was such a crazy night… I was standing by the Berwyn train station with my friend Boogie and we were having a good time. It was only about eight o’clock but I had to get home. Boogie was going to hang out with me a little while longer. It was a cold and snowy night. I have this thing where I can’t stand out in the cold like that so I had to get home! Our “friends” Siren and Daniel offered me a ride home. Siren had this nice car to go along with his strong and serious face. I thought that was cute about him. Daniel was just this smug pretty boy with a slick grin. He always made me laugh. They seemed pretty cool and I’ve known them for about a couple of months now. I trusted them enough to give me a ride home. Siren rode up on Daniel and I honking his horn for us to get in. I said bye to Boogie and got in the back seat while Daniel hopped in the front. Siren drove off smoothly. I looked out the car looking at the snowy scene around me. While I was in my own little world, the car came to a halt. Daniel cursed. The next thing I know an angry cop came and pulled me out of the car. I happen to get a glance at his badge that said L. Robinson. He automatically started twisting my wrist around demanding that I hand over the “rocks”. I’m thinking to myself, ‘what is he talking about’? What the hell is rocks and how was he so sure she had them? Another fat faced cop with a tight leather jacket ordered Siren and Daniel to lay down face front. Face front in the snow. I know they were so mad. The snow on the ground was brown from dirt and both guys had on white T-shirts and tan coats. Daniel was very sensitive about getting his clothes dirty. I was just scared because I had some guy yelling at me to empty all my pockets. I did it with no problem. I just wanted to go home. There was another gang of cops searching Siren’s white Chevy, as they lay on the cold dirty, wet, ground. Daniel tried speaking up for me by saying I was a little girl and that I was his younger sister’s friend. Well, I am young. Only 14, what the hell am I being harassed for like this! There was a happy shout coming from one of the ofﬁcers by Siren’s car. I looked to them and saw one hovering a gun over his head. Oh no! Why me and don’t tell me they found it in the car?! Robinson turned his attention to me and said I was in big trouble. My heart started racing faster then ever. Why was I in trouble? I tried saying something only to be roughly shoved inside a police car. Before slamming the door in my face he told me I was going to the county jail. I started crying and ofﬁcer in the passenger seat just laughed. I looked through the car to see Siren’s face with such a dark expression. He didn’t look quite that cute then. Daniel had his face off the ground with his mouth moving fast. Another cop watching over the guys seem to think it was funny. I was panicking more than I ever could imagine possible. Finally, they grabbed both men and put cuffs on them. Then they were roughly pushed in another car. Robinson jumped in, smiled at me, and drove off.

FREEWRITEJAILARTS.ORG

I have a lot of things in myself I need to change. One thing I need to change is my attitude. I have a bad temper. I need to learn how to stop snapping on people so quickly.. I would not even be in here if I didn’t have an attitude problem. I need to change the way I talk to some people. I have a bad way of talking when I hear something I don’t like. I realize everything can’t go my way, and I have to deal with certain things I may not like. People all the time tell me I have a bad temper, and I disrespect them after they tell me. I see with my own eyes my problems, and it’s time for me to change them. I will give people all the respect that they give me. I will stop snapping on people when they tell me stuff I don’t want to hear. I think this project helped me a lot with my problems because I am expressing my self by writing. I prefer to write because I can get all my thoughts out in writing before I say them. I believe I will change a whole lot while I am incarcerated and also after I get released.

Our students

11. We want 2 to 3 phone calls a week and longer times.

Love each other No one loves Criminals

I am a hard-headed person, and I don’t believe things until I see or experience them. That’s why I kept doing bad things. Now that I am sitting here locked up. I admit I was wrong and I have to serve my time for what I did. As hard as it is to believe, I have learned my lesson. I am not just saying this because I’m in jail and want to get out, because I can’t. I’m saying this from my heart. I do want a change in my life and I hope that when my time is up I can go back into the real world and start over. I don’t ever in my life want to sit in a jail cell again.

write about their hopes and dreams for themselves, the changes they would like to make in their own lives, the lives of their families and their communities. They also write about their views of the Detention Center: what they feel is fair and what they feel is unfair about it, what they wish would change, and what they believe could make it a more effective, just institution. It is our sincere hope that the adults and decision makers who read this will see it as the beginning of a conversation, and will encourage these young people to continue to express their visions for personal and social change.

Everyone is forced To be Alone

I would also love for my mother and I to attend family counseling so we can learn to understand each other and settle our differences in a more mature and healthy way. Now we argue and ﬁght whenever we disagree.

In preparation for the ﬁrst issue of Free Write, we asked high school students in the Detention Center to contribute essays and art work in response to the question: “What is your vision for change in your own life? What is your vision for improvements in the Detention Center?”

10. Why don’t we have enough books and seating arrangements for the whole class? Why do they bunch the big classes together?

We share no Compassion with strangers Because they don’t

Our students had much to say. Their responses are passionate, insightful and often wise. They each come to us with their own histories of personal violence, trauma, and often very difﬁcult past relationships with school. Their stories are not part of public dialogue about the Detention Center. Even for those of us who work in the Detention Center every day, their histories are mostly obscured. Too often we see only the deﬁcits and damage, the diagnosis and charges. How often do we ask our students to show us their talents and skills? Rarely do we invite them to engage with us in the dialogue about the policies an d practices that most affect them.

They are All like This place

We hope that these articles, essays and poems are a step toward engaging our students in changing their conditions and their lives. Seeing their own ideas and words in print may be a step toward increased self-respect and self-advocacy, as well as toward greater literacy and civic participation for each of these young writers.

Is insufﬁcient Many die Within themselves

Many new voices have recently joined in the discussion of what the Detention Center should look like, and what changes are needed. Missing from that discussion are the voices of youth in detention. This project provides a venue through which lawyers, judges, social workers, county staff, police ofﬁcers and advocates will be able to hear from some of the youth in detention at CCJTDC.

One thing is certain, we cannot make the changes we seek without the kids. Here’s what some of them had to say.

Allows no Prosperity, comfort Or love

Anything is possible I realize that drugs are not going to solve my With some effort problems. They just bring bigger problems; That is absent now I have a bad habit I cannot control. I don’t want to throw my life away getting high. When no one There is so much of the world I have not yet Cares what happens explored. I only have one life to live, and I Only killing time want to take advantage of the time I have to make my life better every day. I am willing to For all the go to a drug treatment program to help me Wrongs done to ﬁnd this better way to live. Someone not known

I’m determined to be a better person than I’ve been in the past. People make mistakes and learn from them, that’s just part of growing up. I believe God let me make these mistakes so I could realize what I was doing to myself and my family and to make me a stronger, wiser person. It hurts me that I had to sit in jail and go through all this drama to ﬁnally get it through my head that I needed a change. All of this was unnecessary, because I had loving brothers and sisters who give me the best advice anyone could ask for. They told me I was wrong and that if I didn’t realize it at the time, I would learn it on my own in a more difﬁcult way.

Or mail checks to: Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program Care of Chicago Lights at Fourth Presbyterian Church 126 E. Chestnut Street Chicago, Illinois 60611.2014

With the launch of this new magazine, we hope to promote student literacy and selfexpression, as well as to spark dialogue amongst the staff and community around the Cook County Juvenile Detention Center.

Amanda Klonsky and Ryan Keesling Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program

Before I Came within This place

To make these big changes in my life, I’m working on a mindset that is positive toward myself and others. I believe that positive thinking can lead me to a more healthy life.

Lifts our spirits Higher than ever Beyond the norm

Your tax-deductible donation supports arts programming for youth in detention. Donate online at www.freewritejailarts.org

Dear Readers,

Change

Penetrate my Emotional dam Never ﬂooded

To us, life is a story. The skills our students acquire through the study, critique and creation of poetry and ﬁction help them to make meaning of their own stories, and to connect with the stories of others.

JOHNATHAN D.

5. We need more school materials, clothing and hygiene products. For example, clothing, shoes, socks, better materials, hygiene products, soap, shampoo, deodorant.

9. We should have more time to step out instead of sitting in the TV area all day.

Outside here They love, No questions

II

change the past, but I can change the future by not committing the same mistakes twice. I am willing to leave behind the negative group of people I was hanging with. They led me into drugs, gang banging, and not attending school. I will choose a positive group of people that will encourage me to do good, like attending school on a regular basis. I will also try to ﬁnd a part time job to keep me busy during the day so I will have something to do to keep my mind out of the streets.

Change is something that happens from time to time. Young boys on the streets trying to get on the grind saying they need money so they can shine posted on the block with a bundle and a nine.

4. Why do we have to wear jump suits? It makes us feel like were going to graduate to the county. Boys get to wear pants and we should too.

8. We believe that the theater, dance, yoga, poetry, and career excel programs will help us stay out of trouble. For example, the theater classes give us scholarships for the Looking Glass program. We need more programs instead of taking them away.

The windows Allow me A view

There are many things about myself I would like to change. I want to change my negative attitude toward myself and others. This Anger and fear attitude change will help me change my Is all that drug habit and my aggressive way of dealing Some can identify with situations. I’ve learned that when I am aggressive, I regret it later. I would also like With no one to change the bad relationship I have with my Others, however love mother, which is full of misunderstanding. All the attention

ISSUE #1

No need to hustle because your mother loves you. When you’re out on the street she’s always thinking of you. When they buddy says I’m about to shoot they say me too!

3. Students who don’t have enough credits in school and are too old to start over are having a hard time getting their GED, and they don’t know what to do after they leave. We need a GED program. Do you have any ideas for the GED program or to help the students take the test in CCJTDC?

7. We are concerned about medical movement. When we ﬁll out sick calls, some of them don’t get answered with an accurate response.

I

The FREE WRITE JAIL ARTS AND LITERACY PROGRAM at the Nancy B. Jefferson (NBJ) Alternative School provides individual instruction in print literacy, as well as daily writing and arts workshops for the more than 400 youth incarcerated in the Cook County Juvenile Temporary Detention Center (CCJTDC.)

Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program C/O Chicago Lights 126 E. Chestnut Street Chicago, Illinois 60611.2014

2. We need more time to learn about computers and to stay in the library so that we can be taught about technology.

6. Why is it that there are not enough sections for the girls? We are very crowded on certain sections.

AARON W.

GIOVANNA O.

Most young boys are incarcerated facing 6 to 30 or 25 to life. All because he stabbed dude with that knife, trying to show off for old girl who claims to be his wife.

1. Male residents should have the same child visitation rights as the females.

Changes I Hope For

But now doing this time ain’t nothing nice just because you wanted to live the fast life. In the penitentiary, everyday is strife.

THESE CONCERNS WERE WRITTEN BY GIRLS IN DETENTION, FOR ADVOCATES AND ADULTS WHO WORK WITH YOUTH IN DETENTION.

Two are Needed

FREE WRITE JAIL ARTS & LITERACY MAGAZINE

beginning of new jail book.indd 1

Dear Decision Makers: An Open Letter from Girls in Detention

beginning of new jail book.indd 1

6. Why is it that there are not enough sections for the girls? We are very crowded on certain sections.

GIOVANNA O.

AARON W.

Changes I Hope For

Two are Needed I The windows Allow me A view Outside here They love, No questions Penetrate my Emotional dam Never ﬂooded Before I Came within This place Allows no Prosperity, comfort Or love Is insufﬁcient Many die Within themselves They are All like This place Everyone is forced To be Alone

10. Why don’t we have enough books and seating arrangements for the whole class? Why do they bunch the big classes together?

There are many things about myself I would like to change. I want to change my negative attitude toward myself and others. This Anger and fear attitude change will help me change my Is all that drug habit and my aggressive way of dealing Some can identify with situations. I’ve learned that when I am aggressive, I regret it later. I would also like With no one to change the bad relationship I have with my Others, however love mother, which is full of misunderstanding. All the attention

II

Lifts our spirits Higher than ever Beyond the norm

To make these big changes in my life, I’m working on a mindset that is positive toward myself and others. I believe that positive thinking can lead me to a more healthy life.

Anything is possible I realize that drugs are not going to solve my With some effort problems. They just bring bigger problems; That is absent now I have a bad habit I cannot control. I don’t want to throw my life away getting high. When no one There is so much of the world I have not yet Cares what happens explored. I only have one life to live, and I Only killing time want to take advantage of the time I have to make my life better every day. I am willing to For all the go to a drug treatment program to help me Wrongs done to ﬁnd this better way to live. Someone not known We share no Compassion with strangers Because they don’t Love each other No one loves Criminals

I would also love for my mother and I to attend family counseling so we can learn to understand each other and settle our differences in a more mature and healthy way. Now we argue and ﬁght whenever we disagree. I want to ﬁnish high school. I have two years left and want to make the best of them. After I get my high school diploma I can enroll in college. I’m interested in becoming a professional cosmetologist. I know my teenage years are important and that they will affect my future. Despite all the wrongs I have committed, I hope for another chance to start my life over. and work my way up. I cannot

change the past, but I can change the future by not committing the same mistakes twice. I am willing to leave behind the negative group of people I was hanging with. They led me into drugs, gang banging, and not attending school. I will choose a positive group of people that will encourage me to do good, like attending school on a regular basis. I will also try to ﬁnd a part time job to keep me busy during the day so I will have something to do to keep my mind out of the streets.

The FREE WRITE JAIL ARTS AND LITERACY PROGRAM at the Nancy B. Jefferson (NBJ) Alternative School provides individual instruction in print literacy, as well as daily writing and arts workshops for the more than 400 youth incarcerated in the Cook County Juvenile Temporary Detention Center (CCJTDC.) To us, life is a story. The skills our students acquire through the study, critique and creation of poetry and ﬁction help them to make meaning of their own stories, and to connect with the stories of others. Your tax-deductible donation supports arts programming for youth in detention. Donate online at www.freewritejailarts.org Or mail checks to: Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program Care of Chicago Lights at Fourth Presbyterian Church 126 E. Chestnut Street Chicago, Illinois 60611.2014

Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program C/O Chicago Lights 126 E. Chestnut Street Chicago, Illinois 60611.2014

7. We are concerned about medical movement. When we ﬁll out sick calls, some of them don’t get answered with an accurate response. 8. We believe that the theater, dance, yoga, poetry, and career excel programs will help us stay out of trouble. For example, the theater classes give us scholarships for the Looking Glass program. We need more programs instead of taking them away. 9. We should have more time to step out instead of sitting in the TV area all day.

No one lives, Two are needed To complete one

11. We want 2 to 3 phone calls a week and longer times.

Misdemeanor YVONNE H.

I’m determined to be a better person than I’ve been in the past. People make mistakes and learn from them, that’s just part of growing up. I believe God let me make these mistakes so I could realize what I was doing to myself and my family and to make me a stronger, wiser person. It hurts me that I had to sit in jail and go through all this drama to ﬁnally get it through my head that I needed a change. All of this was unnecessary, because I had loving brothers and sisters who give me the best advice anyone could ask for. They told me I was wrong and that if I didn’t realize it at the time, I would learn it on my own in a more difﬁcult way. I am a hard-headed person, and I don’t believe things until I see or experience them. That’s why I kept doing bad things. Now that I am sitting here locked up. I admit I was wrong and I have to serve my time for what I did. As hard as it is to believe, I have learned my lesson. I am not just saying this because I’m in jail and want to get out, because I can’t. I’m saying this from my heart. I do want a change in my life and I hope that when my time is up I can go back into the real world and start over. I don’t ever in my life want to sit in a jail cell again.

There’s Nothing Like The First Time

FREEWRITEJAILARTS.ORG

Changes in My Life ELISABET G. I have made promises in life that I wasn’t able to keep. I wish I could change that. That was before I realized what the real world was like. Now I know. I made a promise to my best friend Mario and to my baby’s daddy Marvin that I regret breaking. It was a promise that would have benefited me if I had kept it. I promised them that I would stop gangbanging, smoking weed, snorting cocaine, and drinking. I thank god that there are good people who care about me and love me and are helping me make and keep this promise again. They’re getting me into rehab and behavioral programs. Officer Iris J. Rivera is one of those people. I would love to change my attitude. I need to stop ignoring the people I love. My friends and family tell me the right things to do, and I don’t listen to what they tell me. I can only listen to my want to fit in to a society that has drugs, money, and gangs involved. When I am trying to do that I push my loved ones away, and that’s not right. I am tired of that and need to set my mind to a change so I can stay away from drugs. The people who love me tell me drugs will kill me and gangs will put a bullet through my dome and end my life. Also they say they don’t want to lose me. They tell me that I am too special for them to lose me this early.

DANIELLA E. Well it all started when Promise met a boy at school. That boy’s name was Deno, and he became her best friend. He taught her to steal cars and money. Deno had been locked up many times. Promise had not yet. The day before Promise got locked up, she had on a black tank top with a cute skirt and black shoes. She was riding in a 2006 Ford Fusion she had stolen a couple hours before. At about 9:00 PM all her friends lied to their parents in order to ride in her stolen car and do whatever they wanted to do. Together they had about sixty dollars for gas and food. Promise and her friends rode around for about three hours. At about twelve ‘o clock they were doing donuts with the car in a parking lot. Afterward, they all decided to go chill at a friend’s house. Leaving the parking lot, Promise turned the music all the way up. Police came up behind them. Promise told her friends to buckle up because she wasn’t going to stop the car. The police chased them really far. Promise crashed the car, got out, and ran. She didn’t have any shoes on because that’s how she was driving. As Promise ran, she heard barking. Behind her were two big German shepherds. Luckily promise was able to get over a gate before the dogs caught her. The police looked for Promise for hours, but they couldn’t find her. Promise was dirty from walking in mud and in cornfield. She’d been getting bitten by insects. She slept in an old, unlocked car morning. She was in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. A stranger stopped his car or her. He asked Promise what was wrong and he told her to get in the car. He took promise to the store, bought her some outfits and girly products, and let her take a shower at his house. The stranger left Promise in his house alone, so she stole his money as she left. Promise got on the bus and went back to her neighborhood. One of Promise’s friends gave her forty dollars. She took it to her friend Ashley’s house to get her hair done. When it was time for Promise to leave Ashley’s, she couldn’t find her shoes. She went in the basement to look for them. Ashley’s little sister came down and told Promise that the police were at the door. Promise tried to run out the back but they caught her, arrested her, and sent her to her first time at the Audy Home.

FREE WRITE JAIL ARTS & LITERACY MAGAZINE

Dear Decision Makers: An Open Letter from Girls in Detention THESE CONCERNS WERE WRITTEN BY GIRLS IN DETENTION, FOR ADVOCATES AND ADULTS WHO WORK WITH YOUTH IN DETENTION. 1. Male residents should have the same child visitation rights as the females. 2. We need more time to learn about computers and to stay in the library so that we can be taught about technology. 3. Students who don’t have enough credits in school and are too old to start over are having a hard time getting their GED, and they don’t know what to do after they leave. We need a GED program. Do you have any ideas for the GED program or to help the students take the test in CCJTDC? 4. Why do we have to wear jump suits? It makes us feel like were going to graduate to the county. Boys get to wear pants and we should too. 5. We need more school materials, clothing and hygiene products. For example, clothing, shoes, socks, better materials, hygiene products, soap, shampoo, deodorant.

Changes in Myself ANTOINEA M. I have a lot of things in myself I need to change. One thing I need to change is my attitude. I have a bad temper. I need to learn how to stop snapping on people so quickly.. I would not even be in here if I didn’t have an attitude problem. I need to change the way I talk to some people. I have a bad way of talking when I hear something I don’t like. I realize everything can’t go my way, and I have to deal with certain things I may not like. People all the time tell me I have a bad temper, and I disrespect them after they tell me. I see with my own eyes my problems, and it’s time for me to change them. I will give people all the respect that they give me. I will stop snapping on people when they tell me stuff I don’t want to hear. I think this project helped me a lot with my problems because I am expressing my self by writing. I prefer to write because I can get all my thoughts out in writing before I say them. I believe I will change a whole lot while I am incarcerated and also after I get released.

In the twinkle of an eye JOEY S. JR. Walking down the street as a good little kid, leaning and rocking this rhythmic beat in my head. All at once this joy that I had was shattered by news that was oh-so-sad. I found out my older brother Joseph was dead, “In the twinkle of an eye.” My life changed so drastically. I became a young adult automatically, with newfound tasks and responsibilities and that childhood life I once adored I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy no more. It’s like in a twinkle of an eye stuff change so quick, Like when one of the homeboys says, “Hey lets go hit this lick.” Before you know it in the twinkle of an eye, Your life is over with. THIS POEM IS DEDICATED TO MY BROTHER, R.I.P., TO JOSEPH S.

ARTWORK BY: ALICE B.

I need to change my society and surroundings. In the future I want to be a probation officer. I’ll get there by going to Job Corps and getting my GED. That high school diploma will take me to college and a Master’s degree. I would love to be a probation officer because it pays well and because I would like to help society. If I can keep criminals off the street, they won’t end up hurting any more people like they have hurt me and like I have hurt others. As a probation officer I could put these criminals into good places, where there are positive influences. My probation officer has helped me get into rehab and anger management. I’d like to do that for someone someday, too.

JOEY S. JR.

ISSUE #1 Dear Readers, With the launch of this new magazine, we hope to promote student literacy and selfexpression, as well as to spark dialogue amongst the staff and community around the Cook County Juvenile Detention Center. Many new voices have recently joined in the discussion of what the Detention Center should look like, and what changes are needed. Missing from that discussion are the voices of youth in detention. This project provides a venue through which lawyers, judges, social workers, county staff, police ofﬁcers and advocates will be able to hear from some of the youth in detention at CCJTDC.

COVER ARTWORK: CRYSTAL S., GABRIELLA R., BRICKS BY NICK S.

Thank You. This project is supported in part by the Oppenheimer Family Foundation Teacher Incentive Grant. Additional support comes from an anonymous donor.

I sit on the porch, looking for Nikki to walk up. She comes from across the yard and yells to me. “Hi Mike!”

Special thanks to Judith Adams, Principal of Nancy B. Jefferson Alternative School, without whom our work would not be possible, as well as to Karen Aguirre, school social worker.

6/7/07 11:35:04 AM

Cook County Juvenile Detention Center is not fair to those who are incarcerated here. The fact is C.C.J.T.D.C is not a place you would want to be. Obviously it is a place of punishment, but what is fair punishment? Is fair punishment 6 days out of the week eating uncooked, cold and disgusting food that is sloppily given to us as if we were not human beings? Some counselors here think they have the right to deny residents such as myself the respect that we work hard for each and everyday. Who is in charge? It is as if we are being experimented on by the government. It seems like nothing is ever consistent. Things change every single day. There are only 3 female sections, but I’ve seen residents travel back and fourth from all three in less then 2 weeks. C.C.J.T.D.C is an unstable place, and it’s not fair because we all have to suffer.

I woke up pretty nervous this morning. I was worrying about this day since that one horrible night. I looked to my left through a window. The sky wasn’t so sunny. That had to mean something wasn’t going right. Today is November 25th, the day I had to go to court for a misdemeanor. I really didn’t know what the hell it meant, but it didn’t sound good. Oh man! How could I have gotten myself in that. Things haven’t been so good now that my mom is aware of the activities I’ve been involved in. I feel so ashamed. That was such a crazy night… I was standing by the Berwyn train station with my friend Boogie and we were having a good time. It was only about eight o’clock but I had to get home. Boogie was going to hang out with me a little while longer. It was a cold and snowy night. I have this thing where I can’t stand out in the cold like that so I had to get home! Our “friends” Siren and Daniel offered me a ride home. Siren had this nice car to go along with his strong and serious face. I thought that was cute about him. Daniel was just this smug pretty boy with a slick grin. He always made me laugh. They seemed pretty cool and I’ve known them for about a couple of months now. I trusted them enough to give me a ride home. Siren rode up on Daniel and I honking his horn for us to get in. I said bye to Boogie and got in the back seat while Daniel hopped in the front. Siren drove off smoothly. I looked out the car looking at the snowy scene around me. While I was in my own little world, the car came to a halt. Daniel cursed. The next thing I know an angry cop came and pulled me out of the car. I happen to get a glance at his badge that said L. Robinson. He automatically started twisting my wrist around demanding that I hand over the “rocks”. I’m thinking to myself, ‘what is he talking about’? What the hell is rocks and how was he so sure she had them? Another fat faced cop with a tight leather jacket ordered Siren and Daniel to lay down face front. Face front in the snow. I know they were so mad. The snow on the ground was brown from dirt and both guys had on white T-shirts and tan coats. Daniel was very sensitive about getting his clothes dirty. I was just scared because I had some guy yelling at me to empty all my pockets. I did it with no problem. I just wanted to go home. There was another gang of cops searching Siren’s white Chevy, as they lay on the cold dirty, wet, ground. Daniel tried speaking up for me by saying I was a little girl and that I was his younger sister’s friend. Well, I am young. Only 14, what the hell am I being harassed for like this! There was a happy shout coming from one of the ofﬁcers by Siren’s car. I looked to them and saw one hovering a gun over his head. Oh no! Why me and don’t tell me they found it in the car?! Robinson turned his attention to me and said I was in big trouble. My heart started racing faster then ever. Why was I in trouble? I tried saying something only to be roughly shoved inside a police car. Before slamming the door in my face he told me I was going to the county jail. I started crying and ofﬁcer in the passenger seat just laughed. I looked through the car to see Siren’s face with such a dark expression. He didn’t look quite that cute then. Daniel had his face off the ground with his mouth moving fast. Another cop watching over the guys seem to think it was funny. I was panicking more than I ever could imagine possible. Finally, they grabbed both men and put cuffs on them. Then they were roughly pushed in another car. Robinson jumped in, smiled at me, and drove off.

I came in on May 1st, 2006. I don’t know when my out-day will be, and I don’t like that. But you know what I do like? Being with my family and lying in my own bed. I can tell you this is no place for anybody. What are we thinking? I just think, “I could be at the house with my family, living the real life, you know?” If I were home, all would be well, but that’s not my call. Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. I think that is what made me open my eyes and ears.

THIS IS A STORY OF A YOUNG MAN WHO HAS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY TO HIS 16 YEAR OLD SISTER , WHO IS LIVING A VERY FAST LIFE.

What I want

“You are not going no where,” I tell her. “You always treats me like a child. I am 17 years old! I can do what I want!”

ANONYMOUS GIRL

DENNIS R.

On our section we have a bug infestation. The nests are everywhere: in our food, in the shower our rooms, and garbage, toilet, and TV areas, we have to swat flies every couple of seconds. For a basic human environment, we need these things fixed. Please provide us with fresh and healthy food, appropriate hygiene products, and exterminate the bugs. Secondly, the hygiene products are ridiculous. We have to wash our private parts with anti-bacterial soap, and sometimes people break out because that kind of soap is meant for your hands and not your body. The deodorant is white and runny, and it does not keep perspiration from occurring. Within about ten minutes a person will be sweaty and stinky because we do not have the proper hygiene products. The other residents have to smell that person’s body odor all day until we have showers. The toothpaste supplied to us by the county is also bad. It does not keep our breath fresh. Good food is the first step to many necessary changes in the Audy Home. The food is sometimes uncooked, and that is not healthy. People sometimes get sick from the uncooked food. The staff doesn’t take the time to put together proper meals for us; they just set some stuff on a plate and send it to us to eat. Sometimes we might have leftovers from three nights ago, sprinkled with dead bugs and freshly fallen hair. Sometimes the food they send us is spoiled or rotten. For example we have had bread that had turned purple and blue from sitting out so long. No one said jail is supposed to be great, but there are things here that are really bad. I understand that I’m here to serve my time, and I am not asking to get my pillows fluffed or have candy on our beds. I am asking to be treated like a person.

ANONYMOUS GIRL

Necessary Changes We all fall down, but we get up. I have fallen, but am up standing strong now. I know that my people are here for me. I think, “I have been kept away from my family for one whole year, just because I was trying to ﬂy birds and hold guns.” Now I see only God can hold me down in this lifetime. I think about the things that I have seen in this life. I sit in here just looking and trying to talk to the guys in here. I look at them and think, “That was me before I opened my eyes and ears.” I’m trying to get them to understand what I’m talking about. Today I wish that I had listened to all the people who were there saying these things to me.

DESHAWN S.

Real Talk Do you think the C.C.J.T.D.C is fair?

CRYSTAL S.

1. I want to have a job. 2. I want to go home. 3. I want to make right choices. 4. I want to make a choice to stop smoking. 5. I want to make children stop coming in here.

“Nikki!” I call her name about ﬁve times, and she still isn’t here. At about seven o’clock I get a phone call. The police tell me my sister has been arrested with a young man. I call around to see what had happened. Around 10 o clock I get another phone call telling me she has court tomorrow. I call my grandmother and give her the bad news The day after that we go to court for my little sister. The word is the young man that was with her had 45.8 pounds of heroin, and she also had 10.5 pounds of coke . My sister was given 2 years in Cook County jail. Her boyfriend was given 6 to 30 for the drug and also for having sex with a very young lady. “As long as you’re staying with my grandmother, you are going to do what she and I tell you to. When you get out of school, then you can go on your own way.” The next day I wake up from a very deep sleep. I realize that my little sister was not around me. “What do you mean? I do everything granny tell me to do.” As I walked back outside to get some air, I heard my sister on the phone telling one of friends that she will be there in one second. “Don’t hi me young lady. Tell your friends bye and make it in the house.” As she walked by, I could tell she saw the look on my face was not so good. “Granny told me you have homework you have not been doing, you have not been coming right home from school, and you also have not been going by her rules,” I say. “What? Do you want to do send her to her grave before it is time for her to go?”

Good Life Gone Bad

As always, sincere thanks to Beth Truett of Chicago Lights, and to our Advisory Committee: Dr. William Ayers, Susan Klonsky, Cheryl Graves, Margaret Hughes, Dr. Lisa Lee, Dr. Carl Bell, Pat Zamora and Luis Rodriguez.

Our students

You say I won’t make it because Where I’m from they call me Joe OR Is that a cover up to keep from saying, It’s because my skin is not white as snow I S, I T Because I do my best with the need to protect my chest Is that why u consider me a threat BU T That’s not all right, just because my skin is not white, You say I have no sense of loyalty and when you see Me struggle it makes you feel like royalty WHEN I make one mistake you try to claim I’m crazy, With the mind of a baby

You got to shank someone just to get by. Telling all the guys in there when you was out and it’s a lie. But just try and do right, so you can go home and see the light. But now doing this time ain’t nothing nice just because you wanted to live the fast life. In the penitentiary, everyday is strife. Most young boys are incarcerated facing 6 to 30 or 25 to life. All because he stabbed dude with that knife, trying to show off for old girl who claims to be his wife. No need to hustle because your mother loves you. When you’re out on the street she’s always thinking of you. When they buddy says I’m about to shoot they say me too! Change is something that happens from time to time. Young boys on the streets trying to get on the grind saying they need money so they can shine posted on the block with a bundle and a nine.

JOHNATHAN D.

Change Amanda Klonsky and Ryan Keesling Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program One thing is certain, we cannot make the changes we seek without the kids. Here’s what some of them had to say. We hope that these articles, essays and poems are a step toward engaging our students in changing their conditions and their lives. Seeing their own ideas and words in print may be a step toward increased self-respect and self-advocacy, as well as toward greater literacy and civic participation for each of these young writers. Our students had much to say. Their responses are passionate, insightful and often wise. They each come to us with their own histories of personal violence, trauma, and often very difficult past relationships with school. Their stories are not part of public dialogue about the Detention Center. Even for those of us who work in the Detention Center every day, their histories are mostly obscured. Too often we see only the deficits and damage, the diagnosis and charges. How often do we ask our students to show us their talents and skills? Rarely do we invite them to engage with us in the dialogue about the policies an d practices that most affect them. In preparation for the first issue of Free Write, we asked high school students in the Detention Center to contribute essays and art work in response to the question: “What is your vision for change in your own life? What is your vision for improvements in the Detention Center?” write about their hopes and dreams for themselves, the changes they would like to make in their own lives, the lives of their families and their communities. They also write about their views of the Detention Center: what they feel is fair and what they feel is unfair about it, what they wish would change, and what they believe could make it a more effective, just institution. It is our sincere hope that the adults and decision makers who read this will see it as the beginning of a conversation, and will encourage these young people to continue to express their visions for personal and social change.

No one lives, Two are needed To complete one

Changes in Myself

Misdemeanor YVONNE H.

I want to ﬁnish high school. I have two years left and want to make the best of them. After I get my high school diploma I can enroll in college. I’m interested in becoming a professional cosmetologist. I know my teenage years are important and that they will affect my future. Despite all the wrongs I have committed, I hope for another chance to start my life over. and work my way up. I cannot

ANTOINEA M.

“Don’t hi me young lady. Tell your friends bye and make it in the house.” As she walked by, I could tell she saw the look on my face was not so good. “Granny told me you have homework you have not been doing, you have not been coming right home from school, and you also have not been going by her rules,” I say. “What? Do you want to do send her to her grave before it is time for her to go?” I sit on the porch, looking for Nikki to walk up. She comes from across the yard and yells to me. “Hi Mike!” THIS IS A STORY OF A YOUNG MAN WHO HAS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY TO HIS 16 YEAR OLD SISTER , WHO IS LIVING A VERY FAST LIFE.

CRYSTAL S.

Good Life Gone Bad

I think about the things that I have seen in this life. I sit in here just looking and trying to talk to the guys in here. I look at them and think, “That was me before I opened my eyes and ears.” I’m trying to get them to understand what I’m talking about. Today I wish that I had listened to all the people who were there saying these things to me.

DESHAWN S.

Real Talk Cook County Juvenile Detention Center is not fair to those who are incarcerated here. The fact is C.C.J.T.D.C is not a place you would want to be. Obviously it is a place of punishment, but what is fair punishment? Is fair punishment 6 days out of the week eating uncooked, cold and disgusting food that is sloppily given to us as if we were not human beings? Some counselors here think they have the right to deny residents such as myself the respect that we work hard for each and everyday. Who is in charge? It is as if we are being experimented on by the government. It seems like nothing is ever consistent. Things change every single day. There are only 3 female sections, but I’ve seen residents travel back and fourth from all three in less then 2 weeks. C.C.J.T.D.C is an unstable place, and it’s not fair because we all have to suffer.

ANONYMOUS GIRL

Do you think the C.C.J.T.D.C is fair?

As always, sincere thanks to Beth Truett of Chicago Lights, and to our Advisory Committee: Dr. William Ayers, Susan Klonsky, Cheryl Graves, Margaret Hughes, Dr. Lisa Lee, Dr. Carl Bell, Pat Zamora and Luis Rodriguez.

We all fall down, but we get up. I have fallen, but am up standing strong now. I know that my people are here for me. I think, “I have been kept away from my family for one whole year, just because I was trying to ﬂy birds and hold guns.” Now I see only God can hold me down in this lifetime.

Special thanks to Judith Adams, Principal of Nancy B. Jefferson Alternative School, without whom our work would not be possible, as well as to Karen Aguirre, school social worker.

“What do you mean? I do everything granny tell me to do.” As I walked back outside to get some air, I heard my sister on the phone telling one of friends that she will be there in one second.

Thank You. This project is supported in part by the Oppenheimer Family Foundation Teacher Incentive Grant. Additional support comes from an anonymous donor.

I came in on May 1st, 2006. I don’t know when my out-day will be, and I don’t like that. But you know what I do like? Being with my family and lying in my own bed. I can tell you this is no place for anybody. What are we thinking? I just think, “I could be at the house with my family, living the real life, you know?” If I were home, all would be well, but that’s not my call. Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. I think that is what made me open my eyes and ears.

6/7/07 11:35:04 AM

You say I won’t make it because Where I’m from they call me Joe OR Is that a cover up to keep from saying, It’s because my skin is not white as snow I S, I T Because I do my best with the need to protect my chest Is that why u consider me a threat BU T That’s not all right, just because my skin is not white, You say I have no sense of loyalty and when you see Me struggle it makes you feel like royalty WHEN I make one mistake you try to claim I’m crazy, With the mind of a baby

“You are not going no where,” I tell her. “You always treats me like a child. I am 17 years old! I can do what I want!”

JOEY S. JR.

Necessary Changes

Promise got on the bus and went back to her neighborhood. One of Promise’s friends gave her forty dollars. She took it to her friend Ashley’s house to get her hair done. When it was time for Promise to leave Ashley’s, she couldn’t ﬁnd her shoes. She went in the basement to look for them. Ashley’s little sister came down and told Promise that the police were at the door. Promise tried to run out the back but they caught her, arrested her, and sent her to her ﬁrst time at the Audy Home.

ANONYMOUS GIRL

1. I want to have a job. 2. I want to go home. 3. I want to make right choices. 4. I want to make a choice to stop smoking. 5. I want to make children stop coming in here.

Promise was dirty from walking in mud and in cornﬁeld. She’d been getting bitten by insects. She slept in an old, unlocked car morning. She was in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. A stranger stopped his car or her. He asked Promise what was wrong and he told her to get in the car. He took promise to the store, bought her some outﬁts and girly products, and let her take a shower at his house. The stranger left Promise in his house alone, so she stole his money as she left.

No one said jail is supposed to be great, but there are things here that are really bad. I understand that I’m here to serve my time, and I am not asking to get my pillows ﬂuffed or have candy on our beds. I am asking to be treated like a person.

DENNIS R.

I need to change my society and surroundings. In the future I want to be a probation officer. I’ll get there by going to Job Corps and getting my GED. That high school diploma will take me to college and a Master’s degree. I would love to be a probation officer because it pays well and because I would like to help society. If I can keep criminals off the street, they won’t end up hurting any more people like they have hurt me and like I have hurt others. As a probation officer I could put these criminals into good places, where there are positive influences. My probation officer has helped me get into rehab and anger management. I’d like to do that for someone someday, too.

The police chased them really far. Promise crashed the car, got out, and ran. She didn’t have any shoes on because that’s how she was driving. As Promise ran, she heard barking. Behind her were two big German shepherds. Luckily promise was able to get over a gate before the dogs caught her. The police looked for Promise for hours, but they couldn’t ﬁnd her.

COVER ARTWORK: CRYSTAL S., GABRIELLA R., BRICKS BY NICK S.

“As long as you’re staying with my grandmother, you are going to do what she and I tell you to. When you get out of school, then you can go on your own way.” The next day I wake up from a very deep sleep. I realize that my little sister was not around me.

What I want

I would love to change my attitude. I need to stop ignoring the people I love. My friends and family tell me the right things to do, and I don’t listen to what they tell me. I can only listen to my want to ﬁt in to a society that has drugs, money, and gangs involved. When I am trying to do that I push my loved ones away, and that’s not right. I am tired of that and need to set my mind to a change so I can stay away from drugs. The people who love me tell me drugs will kill me and gangs will put a bullet through my dome and end my life. Also they say they don’t want to lose me. They tell me that I am too special for them to lose me this early.

The day before Promise got locked up, she had on a black tank top with a cute skirt and black shoes. She was riding in a 2006 Ford Fusion she had stolen a couple hours before. At about 9:00 PM all her friends lied to their parents in order to ride in her stolen car and do whatever they wanted to do. Together they had about sixty dollars for gas and food. Promise and her friends rode around for about three hours. At about twelve ‘o clock they were doing donuts with the car in a parking lot. Afterward, they all decided to go chill at a friend’s house. Leaving the parking lot, Promise turned the music all the way up. Police came up behind them. Promise told her friends to buckle up because she wasn’t going to stop the car.

Good food is the ﬁrst step to many necessary changes in the Audy Home. The food is sometimes uncooked, and that is not healthy. People sometimes get sick from the uncooked food. The staff doesn’t take the time to put together proper meals for us; they just set some stuff on a plate and send it to us to eat. Sometimes we might have leftovers from three nights ago, sprinkled with dead bugs and freshly fallen hair. Sometimes the food they send us is spoiled or rotten. For example we have had bread that had turned purple and blue from sitting out so long.

ARTWORK BY: ALICE B.

I thank god that there are good people who care about me and love me and are helping me make and keep this promise again. They’re getting me into rehab and behavioral programs. Ofﬁcer Iris J. Rivera is one of those people.

Well it all started when Promise met a boy at school. That boy’s name was Deno, and he became her best friend. He taught her to steal cars and money. Deno had been locked up many times. Promise had not yet.

Secondly, the hygiene products are ridiculous. We have to wash our private parts with anti-bacterial soap, and sometimes people break out because that kind of soap is meant for your hands and not your body. The deodorant is white and runny, and it does not keep perspiration from occurring. Within about ten minutes a person will be sweaty and stinky because we do not have the proper hygiene products. The other residents have to smell that person’s body odor all day until we have showers. The toothpaste supplied to us by the county is also bad. It does not keep our breath fresh.

THIS POEM IS DEDICATED TO MY BROTHER, R.I.P., TO JOSEPH S.

I have made promises in life that I wasn’t able to keep. I wish I could change that. That was before I realized what the real world was like. Now I know. I made a promise to my best friend Mario and to my baby’s daddy Marvin that I regret breaking. It was a promise that would have beneﬁted me if I had kept it. I promised them that I would stop gangbanging, smoking weed, snorting cocaine, and drinking.

DANIELLA E.

“Nikki!” I call her name about ﬁve times, and she still isn’t here. At about seven o’clock I get a phone call. The police tell me my sister has been arrested with a young man. I call around to see what had happened. Around 10 o clock I get another phone call telling me she has court tomorrow. I call my grandmother and give her the bad news The day after that we go to court for my little sister. The word is the young man that was with her had 45.8 pounds of heroin, and she also had 10.5 pounds of coke . My sister was given 2 years in Cook County jail. Her boyfriend was given 6 to 30 for the drug and also for having sex with a very young lady.

Walking down the street as a good little kid, leaning and rocking this rhythmic beat in my head. All at once this joy that I had was shattered by news that was oh-so-sad. I found out my older brother Joseph was dead, “In the twinkle of an eye.” My life changed so drastically. I became a young adult automatically, with newfound tasks and responsibilities and that childhood life I once adored I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy no more. It’s like in a twinkle of an eye stuff change so quick, Like when one of the homeboys says, “Hey lets go hit this lick.” Before you know it in the twinkle of an eye, Your life is over with.

ELISABET G.

There’s Nothing Like The First Time

On our section we have a bug infestation. The nests are everywhere: in our food, in the shower our rooms, and garbage, toilet, and TV areas, we have to swat ﬂies every couple of seconds. For a basic human environment, we need these things ﬁxed. Please provide us with fresh and healthy food, appropriate hygiene products, and exterminate the bugs.

JOEY S. JR.

Changes in My Life

You got to shank someone just to get by. Telling all the guys in there when you was out and it’s a lie. But just try and do right, so you can go home and see the light.

In the twinkle of an eye

I woke up pretty nervous this morning. I was worrying about this day since that one horrible night. I looked to my left through a window. The sky wasn’t so sunny. That had to mean something wasn’t going right. Today is November 25th, the day I had to go to court for a misdemeanor. I really didn’t know what the hell it meant, but it didn’t sound good. Oh man! How could I have gotten myself in that. Things haven’t been so good now that my mom is aware of the activities I’ve been involved in. I feel so ashamed. That was such a crazy night… I was standing by the Berwyn train station with my friend Boogie and we were having a good time. It was only about eight o’clock but I had to get home. Boogie was going to hang out with me a little while longer. It was a cold and snowy night. I have this thing where I can’t stand out in the cold like that so I had to get home! Our “friends” Siren and Daniel offered me a ride home. Siren had this nice car to go along with his strong and serious face. I thought that was cute about him. Daniel was just this smug pretty boy with a slick grin. He always made me laugh. They seemed pretty cool and I’ve known them for about a couple of months now. I trusted them enough to give me a ride home. Siren rode up on Daniel and I honking his horn for us to get in. I said bye to Boogie and got in the back seat while Daniel hopped in the front. Siren drove off smoothly. I looked out the car looking at the snowy scene around me. While I was in my own little world, the car came to a halt. Daniel cursed. The next thing I know an angry cop came and pulled me out of the car. I happen to get a glance at his badge that said L. Robinson. He automatically started twisting my wrist around demanding that I hand over the “rocks”. I’m thinking to myself, ‘what is he talking about’? What the hell is rocks and how was he so sure she had them? Another fat faced cop with a tight leather jacket ordered Siren and Daniel to lay down face front. Face front in the snow. I know they were so mad. The snow on the ground was brown from dirt and both guys had on white T-shirts and tan coats. Daniel was very sensitive about getting his clothes dirty. I was just scared because I had some guy yelling at me to empty all my pockets. I did it with no problem. I just wanted to go home. There was another gang of cops searching Siren’s white Chevy, as they lay on the cold dirty, wet, ground. Daniel tried speaking up for me by saying I was a little girl and that I was his younger sister’s friend. Well, I am young. Only 14, what the hell am I being harassed for like this! There was a happy shout coming from one of the ofﬁcers by Siren’s car. I looked to them and saw one hovering a gun over his head. Oh no! Why me and don’t tell me they found it in the car?! Robinson turned his attention to me and said I was in big trouble. My heart started racing faster then ever. Why was I in trouble? I tried saying something only to be roughly shoved inside a police car. Before slamming the door in my face he told me I was going to the county jail. I started crying and ofﬁcer in the passenger seat just laughed. I looked through the car to see Siren’s face with such a dark expression. He didn’t look quite that cute then. Daniel had his face off the ground with his mouth moving fast. Another cop watching over the guys seem to think it was funny. I was panicking more than I ever could imagine possible. Finally, they grabbed both men and put cuffs on them. Then they were roughly pushed in another car. Robinson jumped in, smiled at me, and drove off.

FREEWRITEJAILARTS.ORG

I have a lot of things in myself I need to change. One thing I need to change is my attitude. I have a bad temper. I need to learn how to stop snapping on people so quickly.. I would not even be in here if I didn’t have an attitude problem. I need to change the way I talk to some people. I have a bad way of talking when I hear something I don’t like. I realize everything can’t go my way, and I have to deal with certain things I may not like. People all the time tell me I have a bad temper, and I disrespect them after they tell me. I see with my own eyes my problems, and it’s time for me to change them. I will give people all the respect that they give me. I will stop snapping on people when they tell me stuff I don’t want to hear. I think this project helped me a lot with my problems because I am expressing my self by writing. I prefer to write because I can get all my thoughts out in writing before I say them. I believe I will change a whole lot while I am incarcerated and also after I get released.

Our students

11. We want 2 to 3 phone calls a week and longer times.

Love each other No one loves Criminals

I am a hard-headed person, and I don’t believe things until I see or experience them. That’s why I kept doing bad things. Now that I am sitting here locked up. I admit I was wrong and I have to serve my time for what I did. As hard as it is to believe, I have learned my lesson. I am not just saying this because I’m in jail and want to get out, because I can’t. I’m saying this from my heart. I do want a change in my life and I hope that when my time is up I can go back into the real world and start over. I don’t ever in my life want to sit in a jail cell again.

write about their hopes and dreams for themselves, the changes they would like to make in their own lives, the lives of their families and their communities. They also write about their views of the Detention Center: what they feel is fair and what they feel is unfair about it, what they wish would change, and what they believe could make it a more effective, just institution. It is our sincere hope that the adults and decision makers who read this will see it as the beginning of a conversation, and will encourage these young people to continue to express their visions for personal and social change.

Everyone is forced To be Alone

I would also love for my mother and I to attend family counseling so we can learn to understand each other and settle our differences in a more mature and healthy way. Now we argue and ﬁght whenever we disagree.

In preparation for the ﬁrst issue of Free Write, we asked high school students in the Detention Center to contribute essays and art work in response to the question: “What is your vision for change in your own life? What is your vision for improvements in the Detention Center?”

10. Why don’t we have enough books and seating arrangements for the whole class? Why do they bunch the big classes together?

We share no Compassion with strangers Because they don’t

Our students had much to say. Their responses are passionate, insightful and often wise. They each come to us with their own histories of personal violence, trauma, and often very difﬁcult past relationships with school. Their stories are not part of public dialogue about the Detention Center. Even for those of us who work in the Detention Center every day, their histories are mostly obscured. Too often we see only the deﬁcits and damage, the diagnosis and charges. How often do we ask our students to show us their talents and skills? Rarely do we invite them to engage with us in the dialogue about the policies an d practices that most affect them.

They are All like This place

We hope that these articles, essays and poems are a step toward engaging our students in changing their conditions and their lives. Seeing their own ideas and words in print may be a step toward increased self-respect and self-advocacy, as well as toward greater literacy and civic participation for each of these young writers.

Is insufﬁcient Many die Within themselves

Many new voices have recently joined in the discussion of what the Detention Center should look like, and what changes are needed. Missing from that discussion are the voices of youth in detention. This project provides a venue through which lawyers, judges, social workers, county staff, police ofﬁcers and advocates will be able to hear from some of the youth in detention at CCJTDC.

One thing is certain, we cannot make the changes we seek without the kids. Here’s what some of them had to say.

Allows no Prosperity, comfort Or love

Anything is possible I realize that drugs are not going to solve my With some effort problems. They just bring bigger problems; That is absent now I have a bad habit I cannot control. I don’t want to throw my life away getting high. When no one There is so much of the world I have not yet Cares what happens explored. I only have one life to live, and I Only killing time want to take advantage of the time I have to make my life better every day. I am willing to For all the go to a drug treatment program to help me Wrongs done to ﬁnd this better way to live. Someone not known

I’m determined to be a better person than I’ve been in the past. People make mistakes and learn from them, that’s just part of growing up. I believe God let me make these mistakes so I could realize what I was doing to myself and my family and to make me a stronger, wiser person. It hurts me that I had to sit in jail and go through all this drama to ﬁnally get it through my head that I needed a change. All of this was unnecessary, because I had loving brothers and sisters who give me the best advice anyone could ask for. They told me I was wrong and that if I didn’t realize it at the time, I would learn it on my own in a more difﬁcult way.

Or mail checks to: Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program Care of Chicago Lights at Fourth Presbyterian Church 126 E. Chestnut Street Chicago, Illinois 60611.2014

With the launch of this new magazine, we hope to promote student literacy and selfexpression, as well as to spark dialogue amongst the staff and community around the Cook County Juvenile Detention Center.

Amanda Klonsky and Ryan Keesling Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program

Before I Came within This place

To make these big changes in my life, I’m working on a mindset that is positive toward myself and others. I believe that positive thinking can lead me to a more healthy life.

Lifts our spirits Higher than ever Beyond the norm

Your tax-deductible donation supports arts programming for youth in detention. Donate online at www.freewritejailarts.org

Dear Readers,

Change

Penetrate my Emotional dam Never ﬂooded

To us, life is a story. The skills our students acquire through the study, critique and creation of poetry and ﬁction help them to make meaning of their own stories, and to connect with the stories of others.

JOHNATHAN D.

5. We need more school materials, clothing and hygiene products. For example, clothing, shoes, socks, better materials, hygiene products, soap, shampoo, deodorant.

9. We should have more time to step out instead of sitting in the TV area all day.

Outside here They love, No questions

II

change the past, but I can change the future by not committing the same mistakes twice. I am willing to leave behind the negative group of people I was hanging with. They led me into drugs, gang banging, and not attending school. I will choose a positive group of people that will encourage me to do good, like attending school on a regular basis. I will also try to ﬁnd a part time job to keep me busy during the day so I will have something to do to keep my mind out of the streets.

Change is something that happens from time to time. Young boys on the streets trying to get on the grind saying they need money so they can shine posted on the block with a bundle and a nine.

4. Why do we have to wear jump suits? It makes us feel like were going to graduate to the county. Boys get to wear pants and we should too.

8. We believe that the theater, dance, yoga, poetry, and career excel programs will help us stay out of trouble. For example, the theater classes give us scholarships for the Looking Glass program. We need more programs instead of taking them away.

The windows Allow me A view

There are many things about myself I would like to change. I want to change my negative attitude toward myself and others. This Anger and fear attitude change will help me change my Is all that drug habit and my aggressive way of dealing Some can identify with situations. I’ve learned that when I am aggressive, I regret it later. I would also like With no one to change the bad relationship I have with my Others, however love mother, which is full of misunderstanding. All the attention

ISSUE #1

No need to hustle because your mother loves you. When you’re out on the street she’s always thinking of you. When they buddy says I’m about to shoot they say me too!

3. Students who don’t have enough credits in school and are too old to start over are having a hard time getting their GED, and they don’t know what to do after they leave. We need a GED program. Do you have any ideas for the GED program or to help the students take the test in CCJTDC?

7. We are concerned about medical movement. When we ﬁll out sick calls, some of them don’t get answered with an accurate response.

I

The FREE WRITE JAIL ARTS AND LITERACY PROGRAM at the Nancy B. Jefferson (NBJ) Alternative School provides individual instruction in print literacy, as well as daily writing and arts workshops for the more than 400 youth incarcerated in the Cook County Juvenile Temporary Detention Center (CCJTDC.)

Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program C/O Chicago Lights 126 E. Chestnut Street Chicago, Illinois 60611.2014

2. We need more time to learn about computers and to stay in the library so that we can be taught about technology.

6. Why is it that there are not enough sections for the girls? We are very crowded on certain sections.

AARON W.

GIOVANNA O.

Most young boys are incarcerated facing 6 to 30 or 25 to life. All because he stabbed dude with that knife, trying to show off for old girl who claims to be his wife.

1. Male residents should have the same child visitation rights as the females.

Changes I Hope For

But now doing this time ain’t nothing nice just because you wanted to live the fast life. In the penitentiary, everyday is strife.

THESE CONCERNS WERE WRITTEN BY GIRLS IN DETENTION, FOR ADVOCATES AND ADULTS WHO WORK WITH YOUTH IN DETENTION.

Two are Needed

FREE WRITE JAIL ARTS & LITERACY MAGAZINE

beginning of new jail book.indd 1

Dear Decision Makers: An Open Letter from Girls in Detention

FREE WRITE JAIL ARTS & LITERACY MAGAZINE ARTWORK BY: OSVALDO C., ANGELO W., DAVID V., ROBERT H., DAVID V., & DAVID A.

real soap cook the food better stop eating our food and put some ﬂavor into it

I wish I could change overnight. I wish I could be grown with a Masters degree making good money. I wish I could hang out with my guys without getting in trouble. I wish everything was free. I wish money was not a problem. I wish there is a cure for every disease. I wish…

I’m trying to better myself by reading more. I’m also trying to learn more and get as much education as possible. I’m going to stop hanging around the people I was before. I’m also going to go to school and get a job.

BY ERIK G.

My Soul

Dreams Haiku

HERBERT T.

Robbing for money Judge wants me to stay in jail I wait to get out

DENTZELL F.

My Soul shall rain My Soul runs free My Soul is my shadow My Soul feels me My Soul is dark My Soul dies My Soul never lies My Soul never leaves me In demise

I will make my dreams when I do it will be great I rebound and ﬂoat

JETAIME N.

My name Is Latina

BY TATIANNA A.

My Mind’s Playing Bricks On Me

In the Bricks

DANIELLA E.

Daily Life

AARON W.

Unable to hold onto anything Cruelty is all I know anymore Nothing is guaranteed anyway And the worst part of it all I’ve gotten used to it now

Many things would come to me And now I’m blinded to see anything Wishing for my time to come When I’ll be able to be truly free

My days are consistent from the one before Never a huge change Always the same bland taste of mush By no means is this enjoyable

I’ve come to live with these conditions And live with myself For what brought me here Is worse than the place I live

I AM A STRONG CHILD

Acrostic Poem

ARIEL B.

CHANGE HATRED AGAINST NEGATIVE GUIDED ENERGY

ARIEL B.

Fighting Haiku

Summer is coming Folks running up with four-ﬁves We strive to survive

or like I’m getting pinched or poked all these thing hurt but I still take a bow because the Lord my god says you are still a strong child he knows what I’ve been through and he picked me up from quick sand he took me in his arms and held my hand he understood my pain when I was going under I still walk through the rain despite the lighting and the thunder my skies cleared up but not all the way I still have my bad times from day to day no matter what I go through I’ll never be thrown away like a test tube or a vial and I’ll always keep my head up because I am a strong child

GUILIANO B.

JENNIFER B.

in the bricks drape myself in jumpsuits awake to foreign faces scoping the chosen few county recruited to this damned place obvious potential overlooked like staff skimming through a book overlooking the energy it took to get us qualiﬁed eligible to forcibly allow some judge decide where I’m to reside what rules to abide this aint what I signed up for

I’ve

I had a weak point for a long while, but I was told to keep my head up because I am strong child. I try to keep a good spirit and a smile on my face, but sometimes I have a slow day though I try to keep the pace. I try to make god a big part of my mission sometimes I feel he is the only one that will listen . he sees me by my self -- I’m not with the crowd. he says Daniella keep yo’ head up because you are strong child. If I give up on him he still watches my back, even on days I feel I’m nailed to the wall like a tack. sometimes I feel like a sand castle, like I can be washed away, I thought I couldn’t be found like a needle in a pile of hay some days I feel like the crowd is laughing at me and not with me, like I’m the butt of the joke

My mind’s playing bricks on me, I don’t know what to do. I know I ain’t tweaking ‘cause this ain’t nothing new. I’ve been seeing bricks for a minute, I even tried to ﬁgure them out. I found myself tripping on all these exit signs, but there’s no way out.

For some reason these bricks turn to bars as they pass time. It really doesn’t matter because both mess with your mind. Sometimes I feel my heart is covered with bricks, nothing can be let in. For two years I’ve been seeing bricks and it seems like they won’t end.

I came from the rich Puerto Rican soil that my ancestors sowed. Yet I’m kicked down and slowly blown away by vicious words of the cycle. Rubbing myself clean , hoping to gain a sense of me . But hate ﬁlled blood befalls my battered and scorned race. Another face out of place, I’m hidden with haste For secrets shall not speak. It’s a chase of disgrace. For fallen man has wounded the Earth many a tale through time. My streets have cried blood . I ignite the revolution even only if its in my mind. One step at a time. No longer running , I’m coming back. I begin to mimic the sunrise. At 16 I speak truths mumbled by old women too old yet this story still unfolds

This is real. Nothing about this is a trick. People walk past and stare in our glass and think, “Look at the brown boy in the brown bricks.” I have known these walls so long that these bricks became my homie. Ya’ll can say I’m tweaking but these bricks playing tricks on me.

Have You Ever?

A Man…

Hypnosis

OSVALDO C.

Changes take place every day Changes depend on what you say

Is the choice right or wrong? Go with your boys or write a song?

The decision is up to you Try to envision what you do

You should try to be just Think about the guy before you bust

Does he have a wife? How can we kill him if he has a life?

Why are we so strange? We all just need a change

We grow up in the wrong places We worship the wrong faces

We are in hypnosis Moving too fast to focus

Have you ever looked at the stars wishing it was your last day on earth? Have you ever looked for love through a boy or sex? Have you ever? Have you ever seen your mom get beat up by your step dad, messed up on booze? Have you ever? Have you tried to hide behind the things you say? Have you ever? I have.

Bad Money Haiku

Have you ever considered suicide as your only way out? Have you ever?

JOHNATHAN D.

Once a man always a man, But it gets harder for that man to be a man, Because that man is in a gang. That man does not do things that he should do, Because that man dropped out of school. That man had kids at an early age, So it makes it hard for that man to step up and be a man. I’m just speaking the truth.

Change

DAVID N.

ALVIN A.

I Wish

DENNIS R.

Have you ever lived my life? Walked one minute in my shoes? If you haven’t then tell me why you judge me as you do? Have you ever?

Audy Home Changes

THIS MAGAZINE IS MADE POSSIBLE THROUGH THE HARD WORK OF OUR TEACHING ARTISTS AVERY R. YOUNG, REBECCA FOX AND KRISTA FRANKLIN. LIZ TAPP DESIGN CAN BE REACHED AT LIZTAPPDESIGN.COM

When I Get Older

The Change I Want In My Life

RICHIE C.

GABRIELLA R.

When I get older I wonder how it will be. I think it will be like this: I will have my own house, live with my kids and be a preacher. I will try to get my own business. I will make my family proud of me. When I get old I will try to be rich. I will give my mom her own house. I will give my sister her own car. I want to go to school to do all of this. When I get out of school, I will ﬁnd a nice woman, and we will have kids. I will watch them grow up. I want my kids to be better than me. I want my kids to stay in school.

For my own beneﬁt, there are a lot of things that I need to change about myself. After I change my attitude, I can stop coming to the J.T.D.C Jail is not for the girl I want to be. The JTDC ruins a lot about my life and myself.

beginning of new jail book.indd 2

People spread gossip about me, and I end up getting in trouble when I snap on them. I’d rather just stop letting people get to me with their gossip and rumors. I’d just rather be me and do me by going my own way.

Focusing on the Future

FREEWRITEJAILARTS.ORG

NATASHA J. If I could, I would change what happened to get me locked up in the ﬁrst place. Also, my nephew recently died with out me knowing how or when it was going to happen. I wish I could have saved him but I couldn’t. Now all I do is look back on memories. I’m working on my future. I don’t want to stay here and end up like my brother. I want to be at my school. I know I’ve messed up in life, but I want to do my best to change it. I said I don’t care if I’m going back but I really do.

The only time I get out of what I’m feeling is when I talk to my boyfriend or write a poem. Poetry is the only space in my life where I don’t mess up. It keeps me busy so I keep myself out of trouble. I’m hoping when I get out, I can go home changed. I don’t like seeing these brick walls. I ended up back here because I wanted to help out my little sister with some problems she had at school. I did solve it, but I wasn’t thinking about the fact that I was going to get in trouble.

I’ve helped out others but I don’t help out myself. I always wish I could change the past. Now I’m focusing on the future. In order for me not to go back to J.T.D.C I have to follow the rules. I have to change my ways. I’m looking forward to becoming a writer and poet because I love to get my heart out in words. What I want right now is freedom. I want nobody in my family or anyone else (friends, neighbors) to be locked up. I want for my family to get counseling even though I know it won’t ﬁx everything. I want to go back to school.

6/7/07 11:35:18 AM

No one lives, Two are needed To complete one

Changes in Myself

Misdemeanor YVONNE H.

I want to ﬁnish high school. I have two years left and want to make the best of them. After I get my high school diploma I can enroll in college. I’m interested in becoming a professional cosmetologist. I know my teenage years are important and that they will affect my future. Despite all the wrongs I have committed, I hope for another chance to start my life over. and work my way up. I cannot

ANTOINEA M.

“Don’t hi me young lady. Tell your friends bye and make it in the house.” As she walked by, I could tell she saw the look on my face was not so good. “Granny told me you have homework you have not been doing, you have not been coming right home from school, and you also have not been going by her rules,” I say. “What? Do you want to do send her to her grave before it is time for her to go?” I sit on the porch, looking for Nikki to walk up. She comes from across the yard and yells to me. “Hi Mike!” THIS IS A STORY OF A YOUNG MAN WHO HAS A BIG RESPONSIBILITY TO HIS 16 YEAR OLD SISTER , WHO IS LIVING A VERY FAST LIFE.

CRYSTAL S.

Good Life Gone Bad

I think about the things that I have seen in this life. I sit in here just looking and trying to talk to the guys in here. I look at them and think, “That was me before I opened my eyes and ears.” I’m trying to get them to understand what I’m talking about. Today I wish that I had listened to all the people who were there saying these things to me.

DESHAWN S.

Real Talk Cook County Juvenile Detention Center is not fair to those who are incarcerated here. The fact is C.C.J.T.D.C is not a place you would want to be. Obviously it is a place of punishment, but what is fair punishment? Is fair punishment 6 days out of the week eating uncooked, cold and disgusting food that is sloppily given to us as if we were not human beings? Some counselors here think they have the right to deny residents such as myself the respect that we work hard for each and everyday. Who is in charge? It is as if we are being experimented on by the government. It seems like nothing is ever consistent. Things change every single day. There are only 3 female sections, but I’ve seen residents travel back and fourth from all three in less then 2 weeks. C.C.J.T.D.C is an unstable place, and it’s not fair because we all have to suffer.

ANONYMOUS GIRL

Do you think the C.C.J.T.D.C is fair?

As always, sincere thanks to Beth Truett of Chicago Lights, and to our Advisory Committee: Dr. William Ayers, Susan Klonsky, Cheryl Graves, Margaret Hughes, Dr. Lisa Lee, Dr. Carl Bell, Pat Zamora and Luis Rodriguez.

We all fall down, but we get up. I have fallen, but am up standing strong now. I know that my people are here for me. I think, “I have been kept away from my family for one whole year, just because I was trying to ﬂy birds and hold guns.” Now I see only God can hold me down in this lifetime.

Special thanks to Judith Adams, Principal of Nancy B. Jefferson Alternative School, without whom our work would not be possible, as well as to Karen Aguirre, school social worker.

“What do you mean? I do everything granny tell me to do.” As I walked back outside to get some air, I heard my sister on the phone telling one of friends that she will be there in one second.

Thank You. This project is supported in part by the Oppenheimer Family Foundation Teacher Incentive Grant. Additional support comes from an anonymous donor.

I came in on May 1st, 2006. I don’t know when my out-day will be, and I don’t like that. But you know what I do like? Being with my family and lying in my own bed. I can tell you this is no place for anybody. What are we thinking? I just think, “I could be at the house with my family, living the real life, you know?” If I were home, all would be well, but that’s not my call. Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. I think that is what made me open my eyes and ears.

6/7/07 11:35:04 AM

You say I won’t make it because Where I’m from they call me Joe OR Is that a cover up to keep from saying, It’s because my skin is not white as snow I S, I T Because I do my best with the need to protect my chest Is that why u consider me a threat BU T That’s not all right, just because my skin is not white, You say I have no sense of loyalty and when you see Me struggle it makes you feel like royalty WHEN I make one mistake you try to claim I’m crazy, With the mind of a baby

“You are not going no where,” I tell her. “You always treats me like a child. I am 17 years old! I can do what I want!”

JOEY S. JR.

Necessary Changes

Promise got on the bus and went back to her neighborhood. One of Promise’s friends gave her forty dollars. She took it to her friend Ashley’s house to get her hair done. When it was time for Promise to leave Ashley’s, she couldn’t ﬁnd her shoes. She went in the basement to look for them. Ashley’s little sister came down and told Promise that the police were at the door. Promise tried to run out the back but they caught her, arrested her, and sent her to her ﬁrst time at the Audy Home.

ANONYMOUS GIRL

1. I want to have a job. 2. I want to go home. 3. I want to make right choices. 4. I want to make a choice to stop smoking. 5. I want to make children stop coming in here.

Promise was dirty from walking in mud and in cornﬁeld. She’d been getting bitten by insects. She slept in an old, unlocked car morning. She was in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. A stranger stopped his car or her. He asked Promise what was wrong and he told her to get in the car. He took promise to the store, bought her some outﬁts and girly products, and let her take a shower at his house. The stranger left Promise in his house alone, so she stole his money as she left.

No one said jail is supposed to be great, but there are things here that are really bad. I understand that I’m here to serve my time, and I am not asking to get my pillows ﬂuffed or have candy on our beds. I am asking to be treated like a person.

DENNIS R.

I need to change my society and surroundings. In the future I want to be a probation officer. I’ll get there by going to Job Corps and getting my GED. That high school diploma will take me to college and a Master’s degree. I would love to be a probation officer because it pays well and because I would like to help society. If I can keep criminals off the street, they won’t end up hurting any more people like they have hurt me and like I have hurt others. As a probation officer I could put these criminals into good places, where there are positive influences. My probation officer has helped me get into rehab and anger management. I’d like to do that for someone someday, too.

The police chased them really far. Promise crashed the car, got out, and ran. She didn’t have any shoes on because that’s how she was driving. As Promise ran, she heard barking. Behind her were two big German shepherds. Luckily promise was able to get over a gate before the dogs caught her. The police looked for Promise for hours, but they couldn’t ﬁnd her.

COVER ARTWORK: CRYSTAL S., GABRIELLA R., BRICKS BY NICK S.

“As long as you’re staying with my grandmother, you are going to do what she and I tell you to. When you get out of school, then you can go on your own way.” The next day I wake up from a very deep sleep. I realize that my little sister was not around me.

What I want

I would love to change my attitude. I need to stop ignoring the people I love. My friends and family tell me the right things to do, and I don’t listen to what they tell me. I can only listen to my want to ﬁt in to a society that has drugs, money, and gangs involved. When I am trying to do that I push my loved ones away, and that’s not right. I am tired of that and need to set my mind to a change so I can stay away from drugs. The people who love me tell me drugs will kill me and gangs will put a bullet through my dome and end my life. Also they say they don’t want to lose me. They tell me that I am too special for them to lose me this early.

The day before Promise got locked up, she had on a black tank top with a cute skirt and black shoes. She was riding in a 2006 Ford Fusion she had stolen a couple hours before. At about 9:00 PM all her friends lied to their parents in order to ride in her stolen car and do whatever they wanted to do. Together they had about sixty dollars for gas and food. Promise and her friends rode around for about three hours. At about twelve ‘o clock they were doing donuts with the car in a parking lot. Afterward, they all decided to go chill at a friend’s house. Leaving the parking lot, Promise turned the music all the way up. Police came up behind them. Promise told her friends to buckle up because she wasn’t going to stop the car.

Good food is the ﬁrst step to many necessary changes in the Audy Home. The food is sometimes uncooked, and that is not healthy. People sometimes get sick from the uncooked food. The staff doesn’t take the time to put together proper meals for us; they just set some stuff on a plate and send it to us to eat. Sometimes we might have leftovers from three nights ago, sprinkled with dead bugs and freshly fallen hair. Sometimes the food they send us is spoiled or rotten. For example we have had bread that had turned purple and blue from sitting out so long.

ARTWORK BY: ALICE B.

I thank god that there are good people who care about me and love me and are helping me make and keep this promise again. They’re getting me into rehab and behavioral programs. Ofﬁcer Iris J. Rivera is one of those people.

Well it all started when Promise met a boy at school. That boy’s name was Deno, and he became her best friend. He taught her to steal cars and money. Deno had been locked up many times. Promise had not yet.

Secondly, the hygiene products are ridiculous. We have to wash our private parts with anti-bacterial soap, and sometimes people break out because that kind of soap is meant for your hands and not your body. The deodorant is white and runny, and it does not keep perspiration from occurring. Within about ten minutes a person will be sweaty and stinky because we do not have the proper hygiene products. The other residents have to smell that person’s body odor all day until we have showers. The toothpaste supplied to us by the county is also bad. It does not keep our breath fresh.

THIS POEM IS DEDICATED TO MY BROTHER, R.I.P., TO JOSEPH S.

I have made promises in life that I wasn’t able to keep. I wish I could change that. That was before I realized what the real world was like. Now I know. I made a promise to my best friend Mario and to my baby’s daddy Marvin that I regret breaking. It was a promise that would have beneﬁted me if I had kept it. I promised them that I would stop gangbanging, smoking weed, snorting cocaine, and drinking.

DANIELLA E.

“Nikki!” I call her name about ﬁve times, and she still isn’t here. At about seven o’clock I get a phone call. The police tell me my sister has been arrested with a young man. I call around to see what had happened. Around 10 o clock I get another phone call telling me she has court tomorrow. I call my grandmother and give her the bad news The day after that we go to court for my little sister. The word is the young man that was with her had 45.8 pounds of heroin, and she also had 10.5 pounds of coke . My sister was given 2 years in Cook County jail. Her boyfriend was given 6 to 30 for the drug and also for having sex with a very young lady.

Walking down the street as a good little kid, leaning and rocking this rhythmic beat in my head. All at once this joy that I had was shattered by news that was oh-so-sad. I found out my older brother Joseph was dead, “In the twinkle of an eye.” My life changed so drastically. I became a young adult automatically, with newfound tasks and responsibilities and that childhood life I once adored I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy no more. It’s like in a twinkle of an eye stuff change so quick, Like when one of the homeboys says, “Hey lets go hit this lick.” Before you know it in the twinkle of an eye, Your life is over with.

ELISABET G.

There’s Nothing Like The First Time

On our section we have a bug infestation. The nests are everywhere: in our food, in the shower our rooms, and garbage, toilet, and TV areas, we have to swat ﬂies every couple of seconds. For a basic human environment, we need these things ﬁxed. Please provide us with fresh and healthy food, appropriate hygiene products, and exterminate the bugs.

JOEY S. JR.

Changes in My Life

You got to shank someone just to get by. Telling all the guys in there when you was out and it’s a lie. But just try and do right, so you can go home and see the light.

In the twinkle of an eye

I woke up pretty nervous this morning. I was worrying about this day since that one horrible night. I looked to my left through a window. The sky wasn’t so sunny. That had to mean something wasn’t going right. Today is November 25th, the day I had to go to court for a misdemeanor. I really didn’t know what the hell it meant, but it didn’t sound good. Oh man! How could I have gotten myself in that. Things haven’t been so good now that my mom is aware of the activities I’ve been involved in. I feel so ashamed. That was such a crazy night… I was standing by the Berwyn train station with my friend Boogie and we were having a good time. It was only about eight o’clock but I had to get home. Boogie was going to hang out with me a little while longer. It was a cold and snowy night. I have this thing where I can’t stand out in the cold like that so I had to get home! Our “friends” Siren and Daniel offered me a ride home. Siren had this nice car to go along with his strong and serious face. I thought that was cute about him. Daniel was just this smug pretty boy with a slick grin. He always made me laugh. They seemed pretty cool and I’ve known them for about a couple of months now. I trusted them enough to give me a ride home. Siren rode up on Daniel and I honking his horn for us to get in. I said bye to Boogie and got in the back seat while Daniel hopped in the front. Siren drove off smoothly. I looked out the car looking at the snowy scene around me. While I was in my own little world, the car came to a halt. Daniel cursed. The next thing I know an angry cop came and pulled me out of the car. I happen to get a glance at his badge that said L. Robinson. He automatically started twisting my wrist around demanding that I hand over the “rocks”. I’m thinking to myself, ‘what is he talking about’? What the hell is rocks and how was he so sure she had them? Another fat faced cop with a tight leather jacket ordered Siren and Daniel to lay down face front. Face front in the snow. I know they were so mad. The snow on the ground was brown from dirt and both guys had on white T-shirts and tan coats. Daniel was very sensitive about getting his clothes dirty. I was just scared because I had some guy yelling at me to empty all my pockets. I did it with no problem. I just wanted to go home. There was another gang of cops searching Siren’s white Chevy, as they lay on the cold dirty, wet, ground. Daniel tried speaking up for me by saying I was a little girl and that I was his younger sister’s friend. Well, I am young. Only 14, what the hell am I being harassed for like this! There was a happy shout coming from one of the ofﬁcers by Siren’s car. I looked to them and saw one hovering a gun over his head. Oh no! Why me and don’t tell me they found it in the car?! Robinson turned his attention to me and said I was in big trouble. My heart started racing faster then ever. Why was I in trouble? I tried saying something only to be roughly shoved inside a police car. Before slamming the door in my face he told me I was going to the county jail. I started crying and ofﬁcer in the passenger seat just laughed. I looked through the car to see Siren’s face with such a dark expression. He didn’t look quite that cute then. Daniel had his face off the ground with his mouth moving fast. Another cop watching over the guys seem to think it was funny. I was panicking more than I ever could imagine possible. Finally, they grabbed both men and put cuffs on them. Then they were roughly pushed in another car. Robinson jumped in, smiled at me, and drove off.

FREEWRITEJAILARTS.ORG

I have a lot of things in myself I need to change. One thing I need to change is my attitude. I have a bad temper. I need to learn how to stop snapping on people so quickly.. I would not even be in here if I didn’t have an attitude problem. I need to change the way I talk to some people. I have a bad way of talking when I hear something I don’t like. I realize everything can’t go my way, and I have to deal with certain things I may not like. People all the time tell me I have a bad temper, and I disrespect them after they tell me. I see with my own eyes my problems, and it’s time for me to change them. I will give people all the respect that they give me. I will stop snapping on people when they tell me stuff I don’t want to hear. I think this project helped me a lot with my problems because I am expressing my self by writing. I prefer to write because I can get all my thoughts out in writing before I say them. I believe I will change a whole lot while I am incarcerated and also after I get released.

Our students

11. We want 2 to 3 phone calls a week and longer times.

Love each other No one loves Criminals

I am a hard-headed person, and I don’t believe things until I see or experience them. That’s why I kept doing bad things. Now that I am sitting here locked up. I admit I was wrong and I have to serve my time for what I did. As hard as it is to believe, I have learned my lesson. I am not just saying this because I’m in jail and want to get out, because I can’t. I’m saying this from my heart. I do want a change in my life and I hope that when my time is up I can go back into the real world and start over. I don’t ever in my life want to sit in a jail cell again.

write about their hopes and dreams for themselves, the changes they would like to make in their own lives, the lives of their families and their communities. They also write about their views of the Detention Center: what they feel is fair and what they feel is unfair about it, what they wish would change, and what they believe could make it a more effective, just institution. It is our sincere hope that the adults and decision makers who read this will see it as the beginning of a conversation, and will encourage these young people to continue to express their visions for personal and social change.

Everyone is forced To be Alone

I would also love for my mother and I to attend family counseling so we can learn to understand each other and settle our differences in a more mature and healthy way. Now we argue and ﬁght whenever we disagree.

In preparation for the ﬁrst issue of Free Write, we asked high school students in the Detention Center to contribute essays and art work in response to the question: “What is your vision for change in your own life? What is your vision for improvements in the Detention Center?”

10. Why don’t we have enough books and seating arrangements for the whole class? Why do they bunch the big classes together?

We share no Compassion with strangers Because they don’t

Our students had much to say. Their responses are passionate, insightful and often wise. They each come to us with their own histories of personal violence, trauma, and often very difﬁcult past relationships with school. Their stories are not part of public dialogue about the Detention Center. Even for those of us who work in the Detention Center every day, their histories are mostly obscured. Too often we see only the deﬁcits and damage, the diagnosis and charges. How often do we ask our students to show us their talents and skills? Rarely do we invite them to engage with us in the dialogue about the policies an d practices that most affect them.

They are All like This place

We hope that these articles, essays and poems are a step toward engaging our students in changing their conditions and their lives. Seeing their own ideas and words in print may be a step toward increased self-respect and self-advocacy, as well as toward greater literacy and civic participation for each of these young writers.

Is insufﬁcient Many die Within themselves

Many new voices have recently joined in the discussion of what the Detention Center should look like, and what changes are needed. Missing from that discussion are the voices of youth in detention. This project provides a venue through which lawyers, judges, social workers, county staff, police ofﬁcers and advocates will be able to hear from some of the youth in detention at CCJTDC.

One thing is certain, we cannot make the changes we seek without the kids. Here’s what some of them had to say.

Allows no Prosperity, comfort Or love

Anything is possible I realize that drugs are not going to solve my With some effort problems. They just bring bigger problems; That is absent now I have a bad habit I cannot control. I don’t want to throw my life away getting high. When no one There is so much of the world I have not yet Cares what happens explored. I only have one life to live, and I Only killing time want to take advantage of the time I have to make my life better every day. I am willing to For all the go to a drug treatment program to help me Wrongs done to ﬁnd this better way to live. Someone not known

I’m determined to be a better person than I’ve been in the past. People make mistakes and learn from them, that’s just part of growing up. I believe God let me make these mistakes so I could realize what I was doing to myself and my family and to make me a stronger, wiser person. It hurts me that I had to sit in jail and go through all this drama to ﬁnally get it through my head that I needed a change. All of this was unnecessary, because I had loving brothers and sisters who give me the best advice anyone could ask for. They told me I was wrong and that if I didn’t realize it at the time, I would learn it on my own in a more difﬁcult way.

Or mail checks to: Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program Care of Chicago Lights at Fourth Presbyterian Church 126 E. Chestnut Street Chicago, Illinois 60611.2014

With the launch of this new magazine, we hope to promote student literacy and selfexpression, as well as to spark dialogue amongst the staff and community around the Cook County Juvenile Detention Center.

Amanda Klonsky and Ryan Keesling Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program

Before I Came within This place

To make these big changes in my life, I’m working on a mindset that is positive toward myself and others. I believe that positive thinking can lead me to a more healthy life.

Lifts our spirits Higher than ever Beyond the norm

Your tax-deductible donation supports arts programming for youth in detention. Donate online at www.freewritejailarts.org

Dear Readers,

Change

Penetrate my Emotional dam Never ﬂooded

To us, life is a story. The skills our students acquire through the study, critique and creation of poetry and ﬁction help them to make meaning of their own stories, and to connect with the stories of others.

JOHNATHAN D.

5. We need more school materials, clothing and hygiene products. For example, clothing, shoes, socks, better materials, hygiene products, soap, shampoo, deodorant.

9. We should have more time to step out instead of sitting in the TV area all day.

Outside here They love, No questions

II

change the past, but I can change the future by not committing the same mistakes twice. I am willing to leave behind the negative group of people I was hanging with. They led me into drugs, gang banging, and not attending school. I will choose a positive group of people that will encourage me to do good, like attending school on a regular basis. I will also try to ﬁnd a part time job to keep me busy during the day so I will have something to do to keep my mind out of the streets.

Change is something that happens from time to time. Young boys on the streets trying to get on the grind saying they need money so they can shine posted on the block with a bundle and a nine.

4. Why do we have to wear jump suits? It makes us feel like were going to graduate to the county. Boys get to wear pants and we should too.

8. We believe that the theater, dance, yoga, poetry, and career excel programs will help us stay out of trouble. For example, the theater classes give us scholarships for the Looking Glass program. We need more programs instead of taking them away.

The windows Allow me A view

There are many things about myself I would like to change. I want to change my negative attitude toward myself and others. This Anger and fear attitude change will help me change my Is all that drug habit and my aggressive way of dealing Some can identify with situations. I’ve learned that when I am aggressive, I regret it later. I would also like With no one to change the bad relationship I have with my Others, however love mother, which is full of misunderstanding. All the attention

ISSUE #1

No need to hustle because your mother loves you. When you’re out on the street she’s always thinking of you. When they buddy says I’m about to shoot they say me too!

3. Students who don’t have enough credits in school and are too old to start over are having a hard time getting their GED, and they don’t know what to do after they leave. We need a GED program. Do you have any ideas for the GED program or to help the students take the test in CCJTDC?

7. We are concerned about medical movement. When we ﬁll out sick calls, some of them don’t get answered with an accurate response.

I

The FREE WRITE JAIL ARTS AND LITERACY PROGRAM at the Nancy B. Jefferson (NBJ) Alternative School provides individual instruction in print literacy, as well as daily writing and arts workshops for the more than 400 youth incarcerated in the Cook County Juvenile Temporary Detention Center (CCJTDC.)

Free Write Jail Arts and Literacy Program C/O Chicago Lights 126 E. Chestnut Street Chicago, Illinois 60611.2014

2. We need more time to learn about computers and to stay in the library so that we can be taught about technology.

6. Why is it that there are not enough sections for the girls? We are very crowded on certain sections.

AARON W.

GIOVANNA O.

Most young boys are incarcerated facing 6 to 30 or 25 to life. All because he stabbed dude with that knife, trying to show off for old girl who claims to be his wife.

1. Male residents should have the same child visitation rights as the females.

Changes I Hope For

But now doing this time ain’t nothing nice just because you wanted to live the fast life. In the penitentiary, everyday is strife.

THESE CONCERNS WERE WRITTEN BY GIRLS IN DETENTION, FOR ADVOCATES AND ADULTS WHO WORK WITH YOUTH IN DETENTION.

Two are Needed

FREE WRITE JAIL ARTS & LITERACY MAGAZINE

beginning of new jail book.indd 1

Dear Decision Makers: An Open Letter from Girls in Detention

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