Live @ the lounge

The other night, a few of us were taking a bit of a break outside the club. Just standing around the harbour’s edge, star gazing and chewing the fat.

Doug, who I’d only laid eyes on a couple of times previously but who was a mate of Bonkers, sparked up a smoke. Usually I say no but this particular evening I hoped he’d share it round. He did, so I took a couple of blats then passed it on to Stella. She took a puff and while part blowing, part coughing smoke in my face, said “Did you hear than Lenny isn’t coming to the club until they sort out this Corona thingy.” ‘Where did you see him?” I asked. “I was behind him in the checkout line at the supermarket. The place was packed with people buying heaps of stuff.” She took another puff and passed it on.

It was then that Mopey Jesus rocked up. His real name is Brian Dervisson but he’s really tall and skinny with a beard that sort of looks like Jesus. To be quite honest, he’s a bit dull and mopey with very rounded shoulders.

“Mum doesn’t go outside at all now. She gets all her pizzas with Uber Eats,” he said

“That’s insane,” said Stella. “Nuh,” said Mopey, “the driver always wears gloves.”

“I mean a pizza comes from Italy and they’re really crook over there,” giggled Stella.

Bonkers said he had read that olive oil wards off most germs. And garlic. And something to do with honey. I didn’t even know he could read. I spend many afternoons in the library waiting for the Razza to open. I always use the hand gel that Shaz gave me before I handle all the magazines and stuff. Better safe than sorry.

“I read that penguins are actually like birds in real life,” said Stella.”I used to think they were dolphins that had adapted to walk on their little legs.”

Doug said that he had read that the kea is actually brainier than a dolphin. In fact, if they had hands they could even beat humans at a game of poker. “They can menstruate,” he said.

“It’s not menstruate you idiot. They can manipulate. Like they know how to make plans and that,” said Mopey Jesus. We all had a good laugh.

As we drifted back inside, Pita said to Stella, “If I have to stay at home, totally isolated, then you may as well shoot me now. I’d go mad. Not to mention broke.”

“Yeah,” said Stella. “I guess you’re right on there bro. Are you still going to church on Sunday?”

“Like my life depends on it,” said Pita. Wow, I thought, why didn’t I eat something when all the food was out. Now it’s all gone I’m bloody starving. Still, my mouths so dry I couldn’t swallow. Time for a beer.

So here’s what I think. Stay healthy guys. Don’t panic sell your shares. Swings and slides. I don’t actually know anyone who has shares. Avoid tongue kissing any door knobs. Oh yeah and if it really does all hit the fan, the last thing that should be on your mind is “Have I got enough toilet paper?” See ya round, but in ever smaller groups.

Later, Lizard.

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