5 minute read
Live @ the lounge
Yeah, Gidday. Lizard here.
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It was 20 years ago, to the day actually, that my father went to that great pub in the sky where it’s always your shout but there’s never a need to pay. To tell the truth, quite like when he was above ground. I’ve never known anyone's lumbago to play up so fortuitously when it’s their round.
Still, I guess he did his best raising seven of us. In actual fact, there were 12 of us but my brothers and I never counted our sisters. I was the second to oldest boy but the fifth youngest child. All us boys and Suzanna, because she was almost a boy, would always hang out. We even all slept in the same room. We had two sets of bunks and a huge bed that slept four, or seven if there was thunder and lightning.
Mum did all the talking but it was Dad that we listened out for. We had to all go to bed at the same time. We’d try to be very quiet until, almost always, smelly bum Billy would let one rip. This would give us the giggles which would end in a game of ’smack someone hard in the head’ in the dark.
Big Frank was the most dangerous because he had really long arms and Brian always cried. Even if he wasn’t hit. Suddenly, the light would go on and seven little heads would pop up from our beds like meerkats. Dad’s huge silhouette would just stand there in the doorway. It seemed like for hours. When the light went off we were all too scared to make a sound because it felt like he might still be in the room. I remember visiting Dad only a few days before we lost him. He was still living with Mum below Uncle and Aunty Lizard's two storey house on Godley Road. He told me about the time when he piled us kids into the bus and took us all to the flicks in the city – "to give your poor Mum a break.”
I remember we were allowed a choc-dipped ice cream each but had to share a packet of Jaffas. I’d always suck off the orange bit, then crunch the white stuff that had the chocolate inside.
“Who's telling this story?"
He went on to say the movie we watched was Mary Poppins because he recalled on the next afternoon while he was looking out the downstairs kitchen window, waiting for the jug to boil, one of his kids dropped down from the second storey roof with an umbrella above his head. He couldn’t tell which kid it was but guessed it was probably me. Then to his horror three more shot down all holding umbrellas. Then of course, last as usual, Suzanna.
He said he whipped outside but could only catch me. It was all coming back to me. He'd caught me by my collar because I was laughing so much. All the others came back to own up and Dad was really mad. I could tell we were in for one of his lectures. "Why would you jump after your stupid brothers when you could tell the umbrella was useless? You could have broken your neck,” he yelled into my deaf ears. “I thought they were doing it wrong,” I said. Then he asked why my little sister also tried and she didn’t even have a bloody umbrella! He said that Suzanna said, if she didn’t jump everyone would think she was a sissy.
“She always had a lot of guts that little sister of yours,” he said, with a wink.
“She still does Dad,” I said.
“I’ve mowed the lawns but if it’s not too much trouble, could you pop by tomorrow and do the edges? Me lumbago’s acting up a bit.” “Sure thing Dad. No worries.” The other day I was looking out the caravan window, waiting for the jug to boil, when I spied out the corner of my eye, Lizard Juniors youngest, Syd, nicking the front wheels off his Great Granddad's old lawn mower.
“Whatcha need them for?" I asked.
“We’re making a cart Granddad. We’re going down Laingholm hill. Wanna give us a hand?” I said I’d be out in a minute and told them they’d have to watch out for cars ’cos some of those Laingholm hillbillies really zoom by. It’s funny being a father and a grandfather because you still feel like your father's child. As Mopey Jesus said once, “the cause of death is birth.” Be careful out there but remember to have a bit of silly fun too.
Later, Lizard.
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