i have a friend: resilience

“I Have A Friend”

resilience

By Laurie Black

I overheard a conversation recently in which someone said they were feeling "resilient." So, what exactly is resiliency and how can we feel resilient when we are facing so many challenges? I asked some volunteers and seniors from the Senior Visitors Program to tell me what resiliency means to them and how they stay resilient during difficult times. Here are their thoughts: Juliette (senior): Resilience is "being able to bounce back from a problem. Make the best of a bad situation or something difficult." The following help her be more resilient: "I read the Bible, it really does something for me. Going for a walk and doing my exercises. Also, I have no care in the world when I look at nature. Sometimes I sit out on the bench and watch people going by. Sometimes cleaning everything in the house or calling someone to see how they are doing. " Juliette also feels people who volunteer show resiliency. For example, a woman in her building who has limited mobility organized all the people in her building to bring dinner to others in need within the building. "It's just a small amount, but giving service to others helps their resilience." Niki (volunteer): "Resilience for me always means the ability to bounce back from a problem or a difficult situation. I have always put this on my list as one of my strongest traits. I have had the need for resilience in my life and career many times; I make a plan, a backup plan, and go for it. Strangely, [the senior I visit], who is the ultimate "survivor" in life, is also extremely resilient and catlike. Even though we come from opposite directions, we are both resilient people." Charles (senior): Resilience is "being able to adapt to different situations." Charles says, "Friendship helps me be more resilient. Friendship from someone who is 100% resilient (like my volunteer, Steve). Also, the attitude that others have toward me and also seeing the attitude that people have with what they face. I'm getting old now and I'm more tolerant of people than I used to be, I'm more resilient. I've learned to back up and listen to what people have to say. I may not agree with them, but I take it into consideration." Mike and Marietta (volunteers): "Resilience is the ability to recover or adjust to misfortune or change. This pandemic that we have all been living through has been a real test of that resilience. In the last year our senior has gone from living in her home, to her being in a convalescent home due to a fall, to now being in an assisted living facility. She was adjusting well and then the pandemic hit. Socialization came to a sudden halt. Weeks passed. We kept in touch several times a week by phone. One day we saw a commercial which showed individuals visiting their elderly relatives by way of "window" visits. Once we received permission from her facility to do "window" visits, we wore face masks, visited our senior outside her window and talked with her through cell phones. This was a small step in bringing socialization back into her life and alleviating some of the loneliness. The three of us look forward to the day when restrictions are lifted, and we can have a pizza party together on the patio." Elsa (senior): To be resilient is "to be against something or to put up a resistance against something that is a struggle." Elsa says, "I think I handle struggles well. For example, I had an adopted nephew who stopped by our home so we could see his new RV. First, I said I would enjoy [seeing it] from the outside. Then everyone said what they could do to help me [get inside the RV]. I had to trust my family to help me. I was resistant to them, but then I told them I could try [to get into RV up narrow steps, from a wheelchair]. It worked! I have patience and everything I do, I try to do with safety in mind." Pete (volunteer): "Navigating both the pandemic and the long-overdue process to make society more equitable is full of uncertainty, unknowns, and new territory for everyone. Resilience for me means taking the steps necessary to be there for others as we all figure out a way forward. We all will have different experiences, different setbacks, and different epiphanies. But we're in this together, so being empathetic and available for each other is paramount. For my senior, being in assisted living, she is in a vulnerable environment. Not just because of the susceptibility of COVID, but because her social circle wasn't big to begin with. As they've gone into pretty strict isolation, she sees even fewer people. Despite this, she reads the newspaper regularly and stays on top of events. The situation is by no means ideal, but her spirit is buoyed by the fact that she stays informed and we can stay connected via the phone."

If you know a senior who could benefit from having a weekly, friendly visit OR if you would like to volunteer to visit a senior, call the Senior Visitors Program at (540) 371-2704 or visit mhafred.org.

Senior Visitors Program is a free community service program of Mental

Health America of Fredericksburg .

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