grey matters 44 pages june 26

greyMatters the good life on the other side of 40

m

$3.95

a g a z i n e Premier Issue

our cover model: you’ll never guess her age ...find out her beauty and health secrets

eat your way to

better sex top 10 foods that increase your libido

Reinvent yourself it’s never too late

the blended family:

can everyone enjoy the holidays?

+ Money Matters, Health, Food and more

The Recipe for a Perfect Evening One parT STyle • One parT TaSTe • One parT rhyThm

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theatlanticgrille.com | 561-665-4900 at The Seagate hotel, 1000 e. atlantic ave. Å Scan for special offer and entertainment schedule *Dinner includes a bottle of house wine. Tax and gratuity not included. Offer available through 9/30/12.

This is your time…

This is your place!

st. andrews

country club

The magic of St. Andrews Country Club is the synergy between its outstanding facilities, peerless professional staff, and a discerning membership that appreciates an active lifestyle. The Club’s uncompromising standards reward you with everything from gorgeous vistas to an expansive array of events and activities that fill your days with gratification and contentment. St. Andrews Country Club is located in upscale Boca Raton, Florida, near world-class shops, superb dining, cultural attractions, and gorgeous beaches.

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Two Designer Acclaimed 18-Hole Championship Golf Courses – Hi-tech Golf Performance Center – State-of-the-art Fitness & Spa Center – Fifteen Clay Tennis Courts – Unparalleled Multi-Clubhouse complex High standards of service excellence Superbly prepared food…offering casual and formal fare in two distinct venues Creatively conceived social events Calendar of activities to satisfy a variety of interests Kids’ fun facilities Audubon Cooperative Sanctuary Certified

The St. Andrews Style is designed for you. This is your time. This is your place.

Don’t wait another day to make it truly yours.

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contents

table of

24 cover story

Who says “youth is wasted on the young?” Our cover model, Belinda Johnson, is living proof that the best years can be the ones ahead!

features 14 24 30 34

14 17

Starting The Next Chapter Soul Survivor Fathers: Great Parents Too! Smooth Jazz Cruisin’

departments

10 13

From the Publisher..................................................

BriefMatters..............................................................

Inspiration, humor and more.

RelationshipMatters................................................

The Blended Family. Can you ALL enjoy the holidays?

MoneyMatters..........................................................

The Layman’s Guide to Estate Planning.

HealthMatters...........................................................

Health news you need to know.

BeautyMatters..........................................................

Beauty Products that REALLY work.

SexMatters................................................................

Top 10 Foods that Boost your Libido.

IdentityMatters.........................................................

Do you know who you really are?

17 18 21 24 32 38

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cover photo courtesy Yolanda Perez

21 34

greyMatters

greyMatters

LIFE IS A

m

a g

a

z

i

n

e

staff & contributors Publisher Barry Rothberg

Let me guide your unique journey of self-discovery and healing Dr. Caryl Keating

Associate Publishers Sherri Rothberg Wayne Krebs

Individual, Couples & Family Therapy Licensed Clinical Psychologist Mind-Body Skills Workshops & Groups

Editor-In-Chief Susannah Pask

• Relationship & Self-Image Issues • Depression, Anxiety & Stress • Blocks to Personal Growth • Grief, Loss & Life Transitions

creative director Fran Sherman contributing writers Carlton Buller Susan Cohen-Dickler Diana Israel Bill Murphy Francesca Page Rosemary Rossi

Dr. Caryl Keating Licensed Psychologist

Boca Raton, Delray & Palm Beach | Call 561.859.6767 | www.drcarylkeating.com

contributing photographers Pat Hill Yolanda Perez cover model Belinda Johnson Grey Matters Publishing 7548 Estrella Circle Boca Raton, FL 33433 561-450-9310 www.greymattersmagazine.net © 2012 Grey Matters Publishing

our mission:

Insightful Cultural Exhibitions

16 Acres of Exotic Gardens

Landmark Japanese Events

Award Winning Cuisine

MUSEUM | GARDENS | CULTURE | CUISINE 4000 Morikami Park Road, Delray Beach, FL 561.495.0233 | morikami.org

8

MM0612 246_GreyMattersAd.indd 1

6/13/12 4:33 PM

Grey Matters Magazine’s mission is to enhance the lifestyle of our readers by providing relevant content to the intelligent and sophisticated over 40, upscale segment of the population in South Florida Grey Matters Magazine is a publication of Grey Matters Publications. The publisher assumes no liability for the contents and claims of any advertisers or for any comments or claims made by those interviewed for any articles. Any opinions expressed are those of the person making the statements and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the publisher.

Certain elements of Grey Matters Magazine will contain material submitted by outside sources. Grey Matters Publications accepts no responsibility for the content, accuracy, and conformity to applicable laws of such material.

greyMatters

A New Look A New Attitude

From the Paris Runways

Barbara K atz Featuring SeneGence 24 Hour, Waterproof, Anti-Aging Cosmetics

2240 NW 19th Street, Suite 601 * Boca Raton * 561-391-1066 www.barbarakatz.com

publisher from the

Dear Reader, Let me welcome you to the first issue of Grey Matters! We are immensely excited and proud to bring you a magazine that deals with real life issues that no other magazine dares to. Grey Matters is about the things that really matter to real people in our town – new and old relationships, real life money issues, health and navigating the healthcare system, new blended families, aging parents, divorced children and the grandchildren, middle age sex, fashion for real women, and much, much more.

editor-in-chief, susannah pask

creative director/designer, fran sherman

We want to explore the things in your life that are really important to you. We won’t waste your time with fluff; we won’t have the real housewives of New Jersey on the cover or a celebrity we don’t really care about, we will deal with real life issues that we all face at our time of life. We’ll inspire and encourage you. We will give you advice and information. And above all, we’ll make you matter.

Because, make no mistake about it, you do matter. You are strong, successful, smart and sophisticated. But you have been deliberately snubbed by other magazines – because you are over 40.

We’re going to change all that. We will bring you content that is relevant to you, we will profile your neighbors and the real world we live in.

We promise you that you will not put Grey Matters down until you have read it from cover to cover and eagerly look forward to every issue because it will be about you.

Finally, Grey Matters.

On behalf of our Editor-in-Chief, Susannah Pask, our very talented Creative Director, Fran Sherman, my fantastic wife, Sherri Rothberg who had the original idea for this magazine, and Wayne Krebs my longtime friend and partner, let me say how thrilled we are to be talking to you. We are all over 40, coming into our prime and darn proud of it!

Stay tuned—It’s going to be a fun ride.

Barry Rothberg Publisher

left to right: publisher, barry rothberg; associate publisher, sherri rothberg; associate publisher, wayne krebs

10

greyMatters

Over 230 fine stores including: Louis Vuitton, Cartier, Tiffany & Co., Burberry, CH Carolina Herrera, Coach, Anne Fontaine, BOSS Store, Apple, Cole Haan, Ralph Lauren, Michael Kors, Bvlgari, Henri Bendel, Ulysse Nardin, Blue Martini, Grand Lux Cafe, Legal Sea Foods, The Capital Grille, Pinon Grill and the newly renovated Cafes At Boca.

Located one mile west of I-95, 2 miles east of the Florida Turnpike at 6000 Glades Road, Boca Raton, FL 33431. Shopping Line速 561.368.6000 Follow us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/TownCtrAtBoca

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Get exclusive mall offers and event info sent right to your phone. Text BOCA to 74666 and join the Simon Mobile Shopper Club. Standard message and data rates may apply.

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Our focus will continue to be on the luminaries of Pop, Abstract Expressionism and Optical Art. As always we will be specializing in editions and multiples. The new gallery has also acquired original works from emerging and established artists with more to come soon! We are aiming for a November 1st opening, and we look forward to working with both new and existing clients. You can check out our current inventory at www.vertufineart.com.

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12

greyMatters

briefmatters

79

% Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Percentage of U.S. 65 and older

citizens age

who were registered to vote in the

2004

presidential election.

Seniors make up the highest percentage of registered voters in any age group.

You get happier as you get older

It may seem counter-intuitive, but people report feeling more content as they age.

A new study (based on a 2008 Gallup poll of 340,000 Americans between 18 and 85) found that, “by almost any measure,” people become happier in their later years.

Starting

Half the people you know are below average.

A

conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

—Stephen Wright

You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.”

-Anouk Aimee www.greymattersmagazine.com

a fitness plan?

Here is your checklist.

ticktock Are you a procrastinator?

Been putting off that awkward phone call to a relative?

Signing up for a yoga class?

1.Check with your doctor.

2. Set goals.

3. Develop a healthy eating plan.

4. Start slowly and be patient.

5. Be consistent.

6. Warm up before exercising.

7. Don’t stretch cold muscles.

8. Use proper form and technique when lifting weights.

9. Give yourself enough recovery time after exercising.

10. Enjoy yourself!

Getting a colonoscopy?

Do it TODAY!

13

Starting the

NextC While some people sail through life without a course correction, many others stop, look around, and re-evaluate their position, searching for a new direction, a new purpose, a new destination. While it seems like an increasingly common process, the search for a new chapter in life’s journey is not a new one, as the following story shows.

I

n 1845, a Massachusetts man, tired of his job and the life he was leading, like millions of middle-aged Americans today, asked himself,“What’s next?” He had been a schoolteacher for a while, and spent years in the family business making pencils, and he needed a change. He wanted something more out of life, as he later wrote, “to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

14

Henry Thoreau’s trip to the woods at Walden Pond not only changed his life immensely, but the writing he did in its aftermath, such as Walden and Civil Disobedience, changed literary history and ultimately human history, as they inspired the abolitionist movement and the eventual end of slavery, the independence movement in India and its leader, Mohandas Gandhi, and the civil rights movement in the U.S. and its leader, Martin Luther King Jr. Many Americans will continue to teach or make pencils, of course, but many others will change directions, some because the schools and pencil factories are laying off or closing down,

and some because they want to, as Thoreau did, learn more about what life has to teach.

Few of us, these days, can get away from life and spend a couple years in the woods—there are far fewer woods these days, as well as many more people, but fortunately, we have more options than Thoreau did, and thanks to Thoreau, more sages to guide us.

One of those sages deeply inspired by Thoreau is writer Jon Kabat Zinn. In his book, Wherever You Go, There You Are, Zinn suggests that Thoreau’s main lesson is not in going to the woods, but in paying attention to your immediate surroundings, wherever you may be.

greyMatters

Chapter by bill murphy

The value of our life experience resides in what we learn in the process.”

“Mindfulness” is the term Zinn uses to orientate yourself and determine the direction in which you should be going.

While Thoreau’s “living deliberately” and Zinn’s “mindfulness” are interesting but abstract, Dan Millman has done the math and come up with the hard numbers. In his 2011 book, The Four Purposes in Life, Millman proposes that those looking for a new direction address one or more of these four specific goals: learning life’s lessons, finding your career and calling, fulfilling your hidden life path, and attending to present moment, thereby www.greymattersmagazine.com

updating Thoreau by suggesting that the lessons of Walden can be learned anywhere. Millman, the author of Way of the Peaceful Warrior, further specifies 12 required lessons from what he calls “the school of life.”

Millman explains,“The value of our life experience resides in what we learn in the process.”

Of course, the wisdom of the ages no longer resides only in dead tree format.

If you’re looking for new directions, the Internet will provide plenty.You could spend the rest of your life just reading about new directions to take on the Web. Millman himself has

two websites, www.peacefulwarrior. com, and www.dailyom.com, one with a four-minute daily workout program and another with a twelveweek course designed to help you “live with your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground.” Most of the writings of Thoreau can be found at http://thoreau.eserver.org/. Not to be outdone, Zinn has a website at http:// www.jonkabat-zinn.com/.

Whether you may find direction for your next chapter in life at Walden Pond, the World Wide Web, or within yourself, it’s up to you to begin writing it. History could depend upon it. GM

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ExcEllEncE. REdEfinEd. ®

HealthGrades , the leading independent healthcare ratings organization, has ranked Boca Raton Regional Hospital in the top five percent nationally for clinical quality and named it a ™

2012 Distinguished Hospital for Clinical Excellence for the eighth year in the row . Only 40 of the nation’s 5,000 hospitals have earned such a consecutive distinction.

That’s impressive by itself.

This accolade adds to a growing list of honors. Boca Raton Regional Hospital is also the recipient of the 2012 America’s Best 100 Hospitals for: Cardiac Care, Stroke Care, Gastrointestinal Care, General Surgery and Prostatectomy and is ranked #1 in state rankings for Gastrointestinal Medical Treatment and Overall Gastrointestinal Services by HealthGrades.

Boca Raton Regional Hospital is also listed by U.S. News & World Report as a Top Ranked Hospital in south Florida in 2011-2012.

Now that’s excellence…redefined.

800 Meadows Road, Boca Raton, FL 33486 561.95.LEARN (955.3276) | BRRH.com

relationshipmatters

BlendedFamily

by Susan Cohen-Dickler

“Celebrate the Holidays” iPad app and listen up.

Let’s start with the food.

For many, the familiar phrase ‘home for the Ask everyone to write holidays’ conjures up iconic images of laughterdown their perfect holiday meal from appetizer to filled family dinners, tree trimming parties and dessert. Then make one maybe even a snowball fight or two. Or perhaps item from each menu.

Your guests will each get your holidays involve frying up latkes and playing something they want and the dreidel game. everyone will be excited to see what’s for dinner.

Making a list and checking the price. hatever your celebration, if you are one of Yes, I said price. Unfortunately holidays can cause jealousy the many Baby Boomers living in the everbetween parents and stepparents. If one buys an extremely growing world of blended families, your expensive gift that the other can’t afford, it can lead to hurt holiday picture may be far from perfect.

But if you’re more like Ebenezer Scrooge feelings all around. So once your child has made their list, have a conversation with your ex, without your child. than jolly old St. Nick when the holiday Decide who’s going to get what and set a price limit. That season approaches, you’re not alone. way neither parent will be naughty and your gift giving will According to Census Bureau statistics be nice. divorce is another area where the overachieving Baby Boomer generation excels.

While just one-third of married adults in the previous two generations experienced divorce, almost half of all married Boomers, 46%, have already divorced. The result is that blended families, families with two adults that have been widowed or divorced and have at least one child, are one of the fastest growing segments in the US. I’m Dreaming of a Hot Christmas.

But don’t throw out those ornaments quite yet and don’t If you don’t even get to see your child every holiday, why over-spike the egg nog (well, you might still want to do that) not try Christmas in July? Then your child can enjoy their because here are some ideas that will help you put the “hoholiday in December and you can relax knowing that you’ll ho-ho” back into your holidays. have your chance to celebrate, too, just a little later. This has the added benefit, not to be overlooked, of double the Practice not being perfect. presents.

I know, I know, we’re Baby Hopefully these Boomers, we’re perfectionists. suggestions will help you It’s in the Boomer handbook. find your way through But practice does not make what can be a difficult for a perfect holiday with time. Just remember, everyone having their it’s more important for own idea of their dream your child to be happy celebration. So the answer than for you to be right. is to not even try. “What?,” I Try taking a break from can hear your perfectionist perfectionism. You might self shrieking. Just stop like it! GM downloading that new

W

www.greymattersmagazine.com

it’s more important for your child to be happy than for you to be right.

17

moneymatters The Layman’s Guide to

EstatePlanning

by Carlton Buller

• Naming an executor of the estate to oversee the Life is wonderful. You’ve realized most if not all terms of the will • Setting up trust of your dreams. You own a beautiful home in one accounts in the name of the best zip codes. The kids are grown and of beneficiaries to limit estate taxes gone. You’re traveling, enjoying your new found • Establishing a guardian freedom and experiencing the most peace and for living dependents • Purchasing life tranquility you can remember. But since returninsurance ing from your recent Caribbean cruise something • Creating /updating beneficiaries on life has been nagging at you. What if you suddenly insurance policies, IRAs became incapacitated? How would your assets and 401(k)s, etc.

• Setting up durable be managed? And what about their disposition power of attorney to after you’ve passed away? direct other assets and investments • Establishing annual here is an easy way to restore your peace of gifting to reduce your taxable estate mind. It’s called estate planning – an ongoing • Making funeral arrangements process that should be started as soon as you have a measurable asset base. Failure to engage But an increasing number of Americans are also utilizing in this process can cause undue financial revocable (living) trusts to avoid probate (the costly, burdens to your children, since estate taxes cumbersome, legal process of administering transfer of can exceed 40%. Most estate plans are set up your assets) and manage their estates while alive and after with the help of an attorney experienced in the they are gone. With this type of instrument you maintain estate and tax laws of your particular state, as complete control over the trust.Therefore, you can amend well as federal taxation laws. or terminate it at will. In other words, you can take the funds At a minimum you should include two important back out of the trust at any time prior to your death. instruments: a durable power of attorney and a will.The Your estate plan should provide the maximum amount first alleviates your concern about becoming incapacitated of wealth possible for your beneficiaries and give you the by providing for management of your property.The second most flexibility while you are still alive.Your estate is the ensures management and distribution of your assets, total property you own (real and personal) that hasn’t been according to your wishes, after your death. distributed through a trust or will. Real property is real Some major estate planning tasks are: estate. And personal property is everything else, including bank accounts, household items, cars, etc. With proper • Creating a medical directive (health care proxy, durable estate planning you can continue experiencing peace and power of attorney for healthcare, living will, medical prosperity for the rest of your life. And you will be able to instructions) rest assured that your property will be transferred to your • Creating a last will and testament (division of assets loved ones with minimal fuss and expense after you have among your heirs) passed on. GM

T 18

greyMatters

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healthmatters FDA approves Pertuzumab for Breast Cancer A new drug targeting the HER2 receptor in breast cancer has won FDA approval, according to Roche’s Genentech unit.

Pertuzumab (Perjeta) is to be used in combination with the anti-HER2 drug, trastuzumab (Herceptin) and docetaxel for women with HER2positive metastatic breast cancer not previously treated with anti-HER2 therapy or chemotherapy.

According to clinical trials conducted last year, there was a 50% improvement in non-progression rates when pertuzumab was added to trastuzumab and docetaxel, making this one of the most important advances in cancer treatment in recent years.

HeartHealthy Rules to Live By • Choose whole grains over refined grains

no more turkey neck!

Better arthritis drug?

Roche Holding AG’s RoActemra drug helped to reduce symptoms in rheumatoid arthritis patients better than Abbott Laboratories’ top-selling Humira when given as a single treatment, the Swiss drugmaker reported.

The phase IV trial showed that after 24 weeks of treatment 65 percent of patients who received RoActemra experienced a 20 percent reduction in swollen and tender joints compared with 49 percent of those on Humira.

www.greymattersmagazine.com

A New York City plastic surgeon, Dr. Matthew Schulman, has developed a procedure to help women with “turkey neck” and a sagging jawline without going under the knife.This is a common problem as women age, because the skin in the neck area is very thin. He uses a laser to melt the fat and then extracts it with traditional liposuction. Afterwards, he wuses the same laser to tighten the skin, then another external laser to boost collagen production and improve the skin’s elasticity over time.

Prostate Cancer gene A team of UC Davis investigators has found that a genetic mutation may play an important role in the development of prostate cancer.The mutation of the so-called p53 (or Tp53) gene was previously implicated in late disease progression, but until now has never been shown to act as an initiating factor.The findings may open new avenues for diagnosing and treating the disease.

• Eat oily fish • Get a cholesterol test • Eat fruits, vegetables and low-fat dairy products • Avoid meat • Get exercise • Read food labels • Be diabetes savvy • Steer clear of added sugar

The skinny about fat

According to Dr Frank Hu, professor of nutrition and epidemiology at the Harvard School of Public Health, the low-fat diet backfired. “America’s obesity epidemic skyrocketed even while our fat intake went down,” he says.

Like carbohydrates and protein, fat is an essential nutrient. Your body needs it to absorb fat soluable vitamins A, D, E, and K. Fat is an important source of energy and is necessary to keep your skin and hair healthy and smooth. Eating the right fats can actually lower your risk of diabetes, heart disease, and obesity, and improve your cholesterol levels.

Monounsaturated fatty acids (MUFAs) - Found in plant foods like nuts, avocados, olive oil, and canola oil, and in poultry MUFAs can actually lower cholesterol levels and reduce blood pressure.

Polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFAs) - Found in fatty fish such as salmon and mackerel, and corn and soybean oils. PUFAs have been shown to improve cholesterol levels and reduce heart disease risk. One type is the omega-3 fatty acid, which is plentiful in some kinds of fish—not to be confused with omega-6 fatty acids, found in meats, corn oil, and soybean oil.

21

beautymatters

Real

Anti-Aging Products

by Francesca Page

Tired of emptying your purse for hyped – up face creams that never deliver? Beauty Editor, Francesca Page, picks four of her favorites that live up to their promise.

Estee Lauder Overnight Skin Repair, $85 In my opinion, this true gem of a product gives silk itself a run for its money. This elixir is has been the number one skin recovery product for the last five years running from Vogue to Elle Magazines, and never leaves my handbag.

The intensive boosting serum frees your skin from the visible accumulation of excessive damage and helps repair the visible effects of this accumulation.

22

Shu-uemura Depsea Hydrability Intense Moisturizing Concentrate, $78

Meaningful Beauty Line Diffuser Wrinkle Soothing Capsules, Cindy Crawford, $36.95

She –uemera is one brand that never fails to produce outstanding quality products.

While best known for their makeup, this skincare item is at the top of my anti aging list. As an intensely hydrating serum, it reduces dullness and plumps skin using the key ingredients of Aquatoril, glycerin, and hylauronic acid microspheres (moisturizers).

Cindy Crawford isn’t doing badly these days with her skincare range. This little silver jar of anti-aging serum helps to considerably to reduce the appearance of fine lines whilst moisturizes skin, which both moisturize and stimulate collagen production. I myself love the satin velvet to touch and fragrance free composition of her serum, with each capsule containing just enough for one use, so it lasts that little bit longer!

Lancôme High Resolution, Refill 3x, $78 Lancome’s anti-aging cream with SPF 15 is the ‘go to’ for battling lines by moisturizing and stimulates the production of collagen, elastin, and hyaluronic acid. Luscious and creamy the formula absorbs quickly and works immediately to firm and fill with the gentlest of ease, leaving you smooth to touch.

greyMatters

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CustoM Made

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profile Model Belinda Johnson’s journey of self-discovery at

55!

Soul

Survivor photo courtesy pat hill

24

by rosemary rossi

greyMatters

Age is but a number, no more relevant to its usage than seven is to 7-Up or thousand is to 1000 Island Dressing. Still, we can’t help but be hung up on it. Some fight it, some deny it and others do it with grace. Model, actress, entrepreneur, mom and all around super cool lady, Belinda Johnson, most definitely falls into the latter category. She’s not only 55; she’s 55 and proud of it. Not just because she looks fabulous, but because she’s lived, she’s learned, she’s had the rug pulled from under her, she’s survived and, yes, she’s flourished.

photo courtesy pat hill

L

ooking past her external beauty and into her eyes, there’s a tranquility behind them that hasn’t always been there. It’s come with a whole lot of pain and a whole lot of healing — physically, emotionally and mentally. At 40, she had it all. Two children, a beautiful home, and what she “thought was an unbelievable, amazing marriage,” as she puts it.

“And then everything was taken away,” she confesses.“I turned 40 and I had a party.

Everything was wonderful. But moments after that, everything was destroyed and I didn’t know what to do. I started seeing a therapist and trying to get help to go through it. He used to give me this comparison of Hillary Clinton, ‘If Hillary was here, what would you say?’” she laughs.

“I was,‘I’m TIRED of talking to her! That’s not helping me!’ I sat down and prayed for guidance.That is how my [journey] started.

photo courtesy pat hill

www.greymattersmagazine.com

25

photo courtesy pat hill

“When you’re going through a divorce and you realize your life is over as it was, what do you do?” she asked herself.“I had my children and hadn’t modeled for years. I wasn’t that hot young girl with the perfect body anymore. I had become so thin and not well. I had to get better before I could walk through those doors again, and I knew it.”

Working through depression and the physical toll it took on her body was further exasperated by the death of her sister, who lost her fight with cancer.“My sister refused to listen when it came to her health problems,” Belinda says.“As I watched her die, I promised her I’d tell every woman out there to have your blood checked every year.”

And so Belinda’s healing began. Having been out of the work force for five years while raising her girls, Belinda hit the pavement and, slow but sure, her modeling and acting careers picked up speed.

Television guest spots, dozens of national commercials and a whole lot of print work began to gather steam.

Fast-forward a decade and more life lessons than Belinda can count. With the help of a healer, a life coach and two loving and devoted daughters, she was practically a new woman, so much so that when the big 5-0 rolled around, she found herself in another quandary.“When I turned 50, I had a difficult time,” she admits.“I was feeling OLD because if you think it, you are. And I was thinking it. I had to figure out what I was going to do with my life.”

It was more than that, though. She wanted to do something with meaning.“I believe that when you get to a certain age in your life, it’s time to start giving,” Belinda says.“I had been given so many gifts of love and support.The right people came into my life, teaching me how to make the right choices. I love helping people any way I can. People would say, ‘Make money doing that.’ But I thought, why should I be making money off of something like that if I’m just helping someone? That’s what you’re supposed to be doing! If we don’t help each other, how are we going to survive?”

After lots of soul searching, , well, she credits that she came up with a plan — a to good genes… and a trick or two up her sleeve. Omega 3 supplements series to educate and aide men and aloe vera juice work from the inside out to boost the immune and women about how to live a system, lubricate joints and invigorate the skin. “I gulp down the aloe healthier life.“If you just take the vera juice as fast as I can and then chug water afterwards because it’s so time to help another person, it disgusting,” she laughs. “But it does tremendous things.” changes your life. It makes their Then there’s baking soda. “I swear by it,” she says. “I’ve put it in a life better; it makes your life pretty little container next to my bath. I take a handful and add water, better. I was seeing changes in making it a paste. Just gently rub, cleansing your face and neck, elbow and knees. Wherever it feels a little rough.”

That fresh-faced glow of hers

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greyMatters

If you just take the time to help another person, it changes your life. It makes their life better; it makes your life better.

my body and I realized I wanted to do a show that’s food and health related.”And the path lit before her. Her show, TASTEFULLY DONE TV, is currently in development and being shopped around.

Tastefully Done TV is an Interactive Lifestyle show that provides information, education and guidance for food & health related issues.

Belinda will have the opportunity to share her own personal struggles with food-health issues.

It will be a chance for her to interact with special guests and others that are going through their own food, health related issues.

“Once I stopped putting pressure on myself and stopped feeling like I couldn’t do it because I wasn’t smart enough, it happened,” Belinda says.“My struggles made me a stronger, better person. I want to do more for those in need and find something that had a purpose of helping people. That’s this show. It will change people’s lives.”

Belinda Johnson now knows that person. GM

photo courtesy pat hill

www.greymattersmagazine.com

27

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greyMatters

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Fathers are great parents too!

by Sherri Leslie

Why is it that the media loves to play up the idea of “deadbeat dads”?

Where did this come from?

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C

ontrary to popular belief, dads can be excellent parents, regardless of the situation with the mother. According to parenting experts and psychologists, it is vital to children’s well-being, even selfesteem that both parents are actively involved in their care.

Because building trusting relationships with responsible adults is one of the life’s most important building blocks.Trusting relationships are built day-by-day, slowly, over time, through small acts and caring moments, through sharing of beliefs, through weathering frustrating failures and setbacks. Because being part of the child’s life, watching the day-by-day successes, bumps and triumphs is the mortar that binds parents and children together as family.

Regardless of whether parents live together, are married or not every child needs to know his or her father, needs their father to be someone who can care for them, who likes to be with them, who accepts them, who respects them, and who they can hug, talk to, argue with, play with and depend on - someone they are loved by and whom they can love.

greyMatters

The mother is rarely portrayed as the manipulator and true reason why some children do not get to spend time with their fathers.

Why? So someday, we won’t think or behave as if fathers are less important to children’s growth or less capable as caretakers. So someday, we’ll just think of fathers as parents. So someday, we’ll teach children that what matters most is respect and regard for others - and yourself and that gender does not limit the capacity to love and nurture.

Society stipulates that dads face a far worse time in divorce court than moms. We see the child torn between the two parents as mom manipulates them into believing that dad is the inferior parent, despite any attempts to prove otherwise. We also see moms dictating dad’s visits.The mother is rarely portrayed as the manipulator and true reason why some children do not get to spend time with their fathers.

If you feel you are not getting the advice and support you need as a dad facing divorce, there are many websites and chat rooms you can access to help you out - or put you in touch with other dads going through the same thing.

Here are some of the best ones:www.fathersrights.org www.fathers4kids.com www.fatherhood.about.com/od/ legalhelpforfathers www.aboutthechildren.org GM

If you have thoughts or any stories about this subject you would like to share with us, please email Editor-InChief, Susannah Pask at susannah_pask@yahoo.com.

We would love to hear from you!

www.greymattersmagazine.com

31

sexmatters

Libido

Foods to Enhance Your

Did you know that certain foods can have a positive effect on your libido and can enhance love-making? Many nutritious foods can actually revive sexual function in both men and women.

“From an erection standpoint, anything that’s good for your heart is good for your penis,” says Dr. John Mulhall, director of the Sexual Medicine Program at New York Presbyterian and associate professor of urology at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University.

Fruits and Vegetables Plant foods are packed with nutrients and are low in fat.

As a result, they help keep the arteries unclogged, helping prevent heart disease and erectile dysfunction.

Nuts!

They’re high in arginine, which is crucial to the synthesis of nitric oxide, a compound involved in generating erections.

Walnuts, pumpkin seeds and flax seeds are packed with fatty acids, which keep sex-hormone production at its peak. Almonds are a prime source of essential fatty acids and are vital for a man’s healthy production of hormones.

In addition, the smell of almonds is purported to arouse passion in women; try lighting some almond scented candles to encourage her mood!

The Fruit of Love: Pomegranate The pomegranate can thank antioxidants for its passion power. Antioxidants protect the lining of the blood vessels, allowing more blood to go through them to increase genital sensitivity.

Red Hot! A chemical found in peppers called capsaicin increases circulation to get the blood pumping and stimulate nerve endings.

Go Bananas!

Bananas deliver potassium, a key nutrient to muscle strength, giving your orgasm(s) extra intensity. Bananas

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contain the bromelain enzyme, which is believed to increase libido and reverse impotence in men.

celery Celery may not be the first food that comes to mind when you’re thinking sex, however, it contains androsterone, an odorless hormone also released through male perspiration, which turns women on. avocado The Aztecs called the avocado tree “ahuacatl,” or “testicle tree.”Avocadoes contain folic acid, which helps metabolize proteins, giving you more energy.They also contain vitamin B6 (a nutrient that increases male hormone production) and potassium (which helps regulate a woman’s thyroid gland), elements that help increase libido in both sexes. raw oysters Ah, the classic aphrodisiac! This shellfish has a reputation as a “virility food.” Oysters are high in zinc, which raises sperm and testosterone production, essential for men’s reproductive function. If you eat them raw, be sure they’re from uncontaminated waters, or your evening could turn nasty. garlic Yes, you might need to stock up on some extra breath mints, but it’ll be worth it. Garlic contains allicin, an ingredient that increases blood flow to the sexual organs. As such, it’s a highly effective herb to help increase libido. chocolate Besides the fact that it is the surest way to a woman’s heart, chocolate also contains theobromine -- an alkaloid -- that is very similar to caffeine. It also contains phenylethylamine, a chemical believed to produce the feeling of “being in love.” Dark chocolate has anti-oxidants, which help maintain the immune system.

Now that you know the ingredients, get cooking! Your partner will thank you. GM

greyMatters

www.greymattersmagazine.com

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smooth

jazz cruisin’

The travel industry is becoming a lot more creative these days. For those of you with a penchant for music, cruise lines are now offering charter music cruises.

This unique form of travel has been carving out a remarkable and precise niche in the cruise industry for over a decade now. Whether it’s Blues, Jazz, Country, Celtic, or Rock, a charter music cruise lets you hang out with some of the world’s top musical talent while enjoying top level cruise amenities.

E

ntertainment Cruise Productions, LLC (ECP), is celebrating its 10th Anniversary of “The Smooth Jazz Cruise.“ They are the pioneers in the Music Charter Cruise Industry and richly deserve the title “The Greatest Party at Sea!” Charter music cruises offer the only venue where you can experience Grammy winning, world-renowned artists and musicians in an up-close, intimate setting. . Whether it is breakfast, lunch dinner or pool-side, every day is a “Back Stage Pass” and the big plus is that everyone on the cruise is likeminded. Travelers are there with one specific purpose; to enjoy a week of good music, great food and pure, unadulterated fun.

These cruises put you in a groove you want to stay in forever.

In January of 2013, ECP is offering two Smooth Jazz Cruises. On January 13, 2013, the first cruise sets sail from Ft. Lauderdale, and returns to port on January 20, 2013.

The second departs on January 20, 2013 and returns on the January 27 2013. Feature artists include: George Benson, David Sanborn, Marcus Miller, Candy Dulfer, Brian Culbertson, Jonathan Butler, Rick Braun, Richard Elliot, Jeff Golub, and many others.

Nightly concerts, afternoon lounge shows, unrehearsed jam sessions, pool parties and noontime mini-concerts make the Smooth Jazz Cruise a favorite. The activities and events give guest choices that seem almost endless.

These cruises sell out fast. Over 60% of guests book the next

34

cruise while on board. Only ECP offers payment plans and motor coach transportation to and from the port from West Palm Beach. This round trip fee varies.

Cabins are priced from $1750 to $7500/pp/dbl.

In addition to the Smooth Jazz Cruise, ECP puts together several other great charter music cruises including the Malt Shop Memories Cruise, www.maltshopcruise.com, which departs from Ft. Lauderdale on October 27, 2012, returning to port on November 3, 2012. Cabin pricing is $1925 to $5500.

greyMatters

by Diana Israel

The inaugural Soul Train Cruise, www.SoulTrainCruise.com, is already sold out.

Artist line-up includes Patti La Belle, Jeffrey Osborne,The O’Jays, Kool and the Gang, George Duke and War. Another great charter music cruise with a power packed artist line-up including Michael McDonald, Mindi Abair, Gerald Albright, Keiko Matsui, Peter White and many others is the “Dave Koz and Friends Cruise.” This cruise will www.greymattersmagazine.com

depart on September 22, 2013, from Rome, then to Messina, Sicily, Mykonos, and Athens, Greece, on to Sorrento then back to Rome on September 29th. Cabin Pricing Per Person/Double Occupancy: $1950 to $3950. www.davekozcruise.com The Kiss Kruise, which departs from the port of Miami on October 31, 2012 to Great Stirrup Cay, and returns November 4, 2012, is sure to be a sellout. Cabins are priced from $750 to $3800. www.thekisskruise.com These opportunities for a unique travel experience will give you a completely new perspective on cruise travel.

Put them on your bucket list. GM

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identitymatters

How do you know

who you

really are?

Do you really have a good idea of who you are? You may describe yourself to others by telling them your profession, and about other roles you play in life, such as being a parent, but if these aspects of your life were stripped away, you would still be you. In other words, the roles you play do not define you as the real you is not dependent on their existence.

by Sherri Leslie

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greyMatters

L

ike most people, you probably gain security from feeling you have a sense of who you are. Being able to tell people you are a lawyer, teacher or caregiver for example, can help them understand what type of person you might be. However, people can only assume that you have certain qualities by hearing about the roles you play, and cannot truly know the inner you from this information Only by digging deeper can you get a true picture of who you are. Rather than looking at yourself two dimensionally through the description of what a father, drifter, entrepreneur or any other label other people may give you is, look at your qualities. Perhaps you are sensitive, kind and reflective, or outgoing, talkative and ambitious.

Alternatively, maybe you do not fit either description.

You can further discover the real you by looking at your behavior. Perhaps you are a survivor who has struggled to come out on top of life despite odds being stacked against you, or you are a loner who enjoys quiet reflection and pays attention to detail. Examine what you do that is not necessarily part of your job and may not relate to any other role you play.You will find out more about yourself by looking at how you act, and have behaved in the past, than you will by looking at your job description.

www.greymattersmagazine.com

Next time someone tries to find out more about you at a social gathering, refrain from describing yourself by your profession, marital status or whether you have children.

What you say is more likely to reflect who you truly are once you drop using roles to describe yourself.

When you begin to see the real you your sense of self will improve, and you will be able to cope in a healthy manner if any roles are stripped away from you.

People can be devastated when an important role they played in life is gone. Losing a job or getting divorced for example, can be especially painful for them because they imagine that part of what makes them who they are is missing. Such life events will always be difficult, but they are less likely to leave you depressed, if they happen to you, when you can gain strength in the knowledge that you exist beyond the labels people give you and the roles you play. GM

You will find out more about yourself by looking at how you act, and have behaved in the past, than you will by looking at your job description.

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