{
letter from the editor
}
Come Along! See the future plans for FullFill on page 4.
E’VE BEEN MULLING OVER THE TOPIC OF “SWEET SPOT” for a
W
number of months. As we first considered the topic, we were working with language related to purpose and finding your purpose in life.
{PUBLISHER} Elisa Morgan, M.Div. {GRAPHIC DESIGNER} Cindy Young
While “purpose” is an essential aspect of our lives, we felt like that ADVISORS
Tracey Bianchi, M.Div.
neighborhood had been so examined and written about, any angle we started with felt trite and formulaic. We pondered an author to assign to this topic, looking for a fresh voice who would open up our thinking. Leigh McLeroy definitely hit a home run with “Finding the Sweet Spot,” to use that common sports analogy. After reading her theme article, I was taken to a new place in my own thinking. Our sweet spot isn’t just what we are good at, but where our offering at a particular time intersects with what God is doing in some indescribable way. This also reminded me of my conversation with Margaret Feinberg some months ago when I was interviewing her for a FullFill™ profile (Fall 2008) — she encouraged us not to define ourselves too narrowly. This is wise counsel as I consider my own sweet spot. As I look at the changing world of magazines, if I consider my sweet spot as producing a print magazine, I’m in danger of becoming irrelevant. (I told my family that I wanted “she liked print” carved permanently in the granite on my tombstone.) Perhaps my sweet spot has more to do with the bringing together of voices into a whole message than the medium for the message.
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Newsflash!
Being part of the team bringing you FullFill has been a sweet spot over the past two years. From scribbles on some folded papers to 9 issues in print with great content and fabulous design, FullFill has been an unexpected WOW part of my life. Not to be trite, but change is inevitable and several things are changing about FullFill. The concept is launching from MOPS International to a separate organization with Elisa Morgan, as she moves into her role as President Emerita of MOPS International and on to a new calling from God. And there will be other changes as well as the economics of print and starting a new organization will lead to a new format for FullFill. For more details, see page 4. As we publish the last issue in this format and ownership, I celebrate being in a sweet spot with you, the readers, who have generously and thoughtfully interacted with us for several years. And I’ll keep looking for my sweet spot in the communications avenues of MOPS International.
Carla Foote FORMER EDITOR, FullFill
Carla Foote becomes an Advisor to FullFill™ and Mary Byers takes over as Managing Editor in July 2009. Click here to find out more! And get to know Mary Byers by reading her “Voice” on page 8.
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SPEAKER AND WRITER ELMHURST, IL
Beth Flambures,
C.P.A.
BUSINESSWOMAN
Carla Foote,
M.A.
DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS, MOPS INTERNATIONAL
Phyllis H. Hendry PRESIDENT, LEAD LIKE JESUS
Bev Hislop, D.Min. ASSISTANT PROFESSOR, WESTERN SEMINARY
Laurie McIntyre, M.A.C.E. PASTOR OF WOMEN2DAY, ELMBROOK CHURCH
Patricia Raybon, M.A. RETIRED, UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM
Liz Selzer,
M.A. M.Div., Ph.D.
DIRECTOR OF MINISTRY ENGAGEMENT, MOPS INTERNATIONAL
FullFill™ P.O. Box 461546 Aurora, CO 80046
Join FullFill at FullFill.org. Contact us at info@FullFill.org Faith position statement and writer’s guidelines available at FullFill.org. The purpose of FullFill magazine is to equip women to recognize, utilize and maximize their influence in all the spheres of their lives. All opinions expressed are those of the writers and are not necessarily those of FullFill magazine or Mission: Momentum. The magazine promotes thoughtful dialogue and appropriate action as women use their gifts and abilities for kingdom purposes. FullFill is a ministry of Mission: Momentum.
Copyright 2009 Mission: Momentum.
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FRONT COVER © COLIN ANDERSON/BLEND IMAGES/CORBIS BACK COVER © JAMES PAULS/ISTOCK
SPRING 2009
in focus
BATTER BY PHOTODISC/GETTY IMAGES; BASEBALL BY ISTOCK
“
Finding the Sweet Spot
The sweet spot, it seems, is elusive.
It is not a calling. It is not a career. It is, instead, an unscheduled
convergence of elements over which
”
I have little or no control.
5
— LEIGH M C LEROY
Spring
2009
{ Sweet Spot }
IOFOTO/VEER
{ columns }
contents
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VOICES
COACHING COMMUNITY :
Distance Mentoring
◗
By Liz Selzer
LOSING SOMETIMES LEADS TO FINDING
by Mary M. Byers
13 LEADERSHIP CHALLENGE :
Free to be Real: Becoming a Confessing Leader
8
◗
SWEET SINGING by Lynn Yerrick
By Kathy Escobar
10 SILENCE AS A SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE By Valerie E. Hess
16 THINK :
Theology is Life By Carolyn Custis James
10
21
14 NANCY ORTBERG: A NON-LINEAR LEADER An interview by Carla Foote
17 MAKE IT SWEET
FOUR-LETTER WORD: Fear
18 LIFE ISSUES: VERBAL ABUSE
22 MALE BOX:
14
Giving Co-Pilots a Role
By Jeff Olson
19 OVERFLOW: DEVOTIONAL LIFE
By Dave Terpestra
Classic Thought By Oswald Chambers Contemporary Reflection By Erin Bunting
23 MY FILL:
“Sweet” By Elisa Morgan
17
20 QUICK FILL SPRING 2009
FullFill
3
Tell your friends!
EVERYTHING IS CHANGING Well, not everything ... you’ll still get the same award-winning magazine, hear from the same inspiring writers, and get to participate in online forums. But it’s all moving online. Plus, online, you’ll find a whole lot more. is going digital — plus! Beginning in Summer 2009
+
SAME INSPIRING VOICES — NEW DELIVERY
Respected authors
such as Margaret Feinberg, Carolyn Custis James, Liz Selzer, Nancy Ortberg and Elisa Morgan will continue to talk to you in FullFill’s quarterly online magazine.
RICH MEDIA OFFERINGS + VIDEO TRAINING with nationally known speaker and author Elisa Morgan and special guests + DOWNLOADABLE ARTICLES so you can still read in the bathtub + LEADERSHIP WEBINARS + SOCIAL NETWORKING opportunities with other subscribers + ONLINE EDUCATIONAL COURSES for personal enrichment or academic credits
Register online July 1, 2009 at FullFill.org
Watch for your email
update to access registration. If we don’t have your current email address, send it to subscriptions@FullFill.org.
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t e e w S Spot e h t g n findi
I was 13 when I landed my first job that didn’t involve babysitting: I was a baseball scorekeeper, responsible for maintaining the official record of balls and strikes, innings played, and BATTER BY PHOTODISC/GETTY IMAGES; RIP BY PALI RAO/ISTOCK
runs scored for several Little League games each weekend. I worked barefoot, perched in a lawn chair protected by the chain link backstop behind home plate. Two sharpened pencils and a scorebook were the only supplies required. It was a good job, and it taught me a lot about the game of baseball, coaching, parenting and sportsmanship. It also introduced me to the “sweet spot.”
By Leigh McLeroy
SPRING 2009
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In base ball pa rlance, is the pla the sw ce on th eet spo e barrel with the b t o f a b at where all results in the grea contact test hit spe ed, and th bat vibration. e least In other word s, when a hitte r connects on the sweet spot, his or he r ball flies far and fa st and very little energy is lost to resistance. That summe r I learned to identify such a hit by its sound alone — a clean, resounding “thwack” that almost always meant extra bases.
■ Leigh McLeroy writes and speaks with a passion for God and a keen eye for his presence in everyday life. She is the author of The Beautiful Ache, The Sacred Ordinary and Treasured, to be released in the Fall of 2009. Leigh lives and works in Houston, Texas, and is a frequent conference and retreat speaker. She blogs at wednesdaywords.com, and may be reached at leighmcleroy.com.
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BASEBALL BY RANPLETT/ISTOCK; RIP BY PALI RAO/ISTOCK
Sports columnist Tom Boswell of The Washington Post has asked many star athletes what is the most satisfying feeling in any sport. “Almost uniformly,” according to Boswell, “they say it is the moment of hitting a baseball perfectly.” Since I discovered baseball’s sweet spot, I have spent many years looking for my own: the strategic spot where my best efforts, my God-given gifts and moments of well-timed opportunity converge for a satisfying-to-thebone result. And I don’t believe I’m alone in the search. I imagined my sweet spot might be found in a great job. But I’ve had a few of those, and I never truly found it there. I hoped it might reside in marriage — a field of play I’ve yet to occupy — but my married friends report that while the one-flesh life of a husband and wife can indeed be sweet, marriage is not an end-all rest stop for soul satisfaction. I believed motherhood might prove to be my sweet spot, but that particular role never materialized for me. More than once I have listened to friends agonize over the challenges of mothering, wondering if there might be something more satisfying beyond whatever stage or age their children happened to be. Even ministry roles for which I was well suited did not deliver up the perfect, “this is it” fit I longed for. I was never convinced that I had arrived at the thing for which I was truly made. Life’s sweet spot, it seems, is elusive. It is not a calling. It is not a career. It is, instead, an unscheduled convergence of elements over which I have little or no control. My unique gifts and passions came pre-programmed. They were woven into me by the God who made me, and I am as unable to change them as I was to select them. I can only test and try them out the way a hitter takes batting practice, and hope to get better at deploying them. My longings don’t exactly march at
my command, either. I can’t control what tugs at my heart, only what I will do in response to those frequently inconvenient impulses. And I don’t create rich opportunities so much as I discover them — sometimes in the most unexpected places. I am a writer, a teacher, a word-lover and a Jesus follower. I am single; I live alone. I work with deadlines and love a good challenge. I play a mean game of Scrabble and am a fiercely loyal friend. I would rather study than sleep, and would rather be hurt than have to hurt someone else. I’m crazy about my nieces, and my sister is my best friend. I love to travel and cook and decorate. I skydived once. I would do it again. I have a keen sense of justice and a too-sharp tongue. That’s who I am. But the times I’d say I hit my sweet spot — and knew it — have had little to do with any of these things. Mentoring a 17-year-old street kid for 11 months introduced me to an unexpected “sweet spot.” After multiple court dates, school challenges, one arrest and a harrowing three day disappearance, this hard-to-love teen phoned on the second Sunday in May to wish me, his courtappointed advocate — a happy Mother’s Day. “I know you’re not my mother, “he said, “but you’re the closest thing to it I’ve had in a long time. Thanks for putting up with my stuff.” I remember hanging up the phone and thinking that I might have been made for just that moment and assignment, and no more. It was fleeting — but it was sweet. A speaking engagement at a women’s retreat gave me another glimpse of my hard-to-pin-down sweet spot. I had felt miscast all weekend — as if I might have misunderstood God’s assignment and come to the wrong place with the wrong message altogether. At least until Angela asked if she might have a bit of my time during a break. “Do you ever meet one-on-one with people?” she asked. “I would be glad to meet with you,” I said. I had noticed her during my first talk as the young woman on the back row that would not make eye contact. She told me she had read one of my books, and had clung to it during a heartbreaking time. “But I can’t really connect with what you’re saying up there,” she said. Her only son had died just two months before, a few weeks past his first birthday. She shyly
pulled his photo from her pocketbook and held it out to me. I took it, and noticed her journal beneath it. “Would you like to read some of that to me?” I asked. When she did, I understood why I had come. The retreat itself wasn’t my sweet spot. But those few minutes listening to Angela were a divine appointment I cannot forget. Perhaps I should not be surprised that these “sweet spot” discoveries were fleeting and utterly unprogrammed. Jesus seemed to inhabit his own sweet spot in just this way. He was, in reality and role, the Son of the living God. Yet he was one for whom a barren fig tree presented a ripe teaching opportunity. One who assured a believing centurion of healing for his ailing son, even as the man confessed his resilient unbelief. He delayed response to a tearful summons, resulting in the death of his own dear friend. But then death’s judgment was reversed when Jesus beckoned Lazarus to abandon the grave for life again. Sweet spots, all. In his presence, others seemed to discover their own sweet spots. Peter likely surprised himself when he blurted, “You are the Christ,” in response to Jesus’ question, “Who do you say that I am?” But it was surely the truest statement he ever spoke. The woman he encountered at a well in Samaria found a part of herself she thought long lost, her past gently laid bare by “a man who told me all that I ever did.” And Mary of Bethany most surely recognized her sweet spot as she spilled an alabaster box of perfume over Jesus’ feet and head, unmoved by the shocked cries of others in the room as she slowly wiped the ointment into his skin with the ends of her hair. Her love for him met the opportune moment, and she responded with all that she had to give. When she did, “the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” So maybe it’s not a role we’re searching for, or a job or even a clear cut assignment. Maybe the sweet spot our hearts long for is always a moving target, and one that we cannot hope to recognize without trusting God’s quiet urging — whenever and however it comes. And what if every moment of our lives with Jesus had the potential to be a sweet-spot moment — one where, with almost effortless ease, our swing might meet his powerful pitch and result in a one-of-a-kind masterpiece? What if, in finding our sweet spot, we did not cling to it, but swung hard and let it fly — watching with joy as the ball disappears, and then waiting for the chance to do so again, and again, and again? ■ SPRING 2009
FullFill
7
Finding, understanding and using your unique voice is a lifelong process. Listen to these women share their voices and then consider your own.
)
voices ) )
Sweet Spot
Losing By Mary M. Byers
I
T TOOK GIVING UP SOMETHING I LOVED TO FIND MY SWEET SPOT.
Shortly before giving birth to my second child, I resigned from a job I cherished where I worked with people I respected. Though conflicted, I felt called to a season at home. Two children in diapers at the same time, along with a senior level position that required travel, seemed more than I could handle. Though confident I’d made the right decision for my family, leaving the workplace grieved me. After pouring years of my life into my work, I missed brainstorming with colleagues, starting new projects and putting the finishing touches on those near
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■ Mary Byers is an author and professional speaker. She’ll be presenting at the 2009 MOPS International Convention in Nashville, Tennessee, on her book Making Work at Home Work (Revell, 2009). Mary lives with her husband and two children in central Illinois.
IOFOTO/VEER
Sometimes Leads to Finding
completion. I longed for connection with other adults, missed having coworkers and pined for the teamwork of my past. Without the demands of getting to the office every day, however, my calendar cleared. As my schedule relaxed, so did I. I began to write in the mornings before my children awoke. Writing cleared my mind and allowed me to examine my life more closely. The more I wrote, the more I began to believe I had the ability to write a book, which would allow me to fulfill a lifelong dream of becoming an author. But what would I write about? One morning, as I sat at my computer trying to make sense out of a mothering challenge facing me, the answer came. How about writing for moms? As a mom myself I knew the joys and heartaches that come with the job. The idea took hold. I sketched out a book focusing on helping moms meet their own needs while caring for their family. I wrote the first three chapters, crafted a proposal and secured a literary agent. My first book, The Mother Load: How to Meet Your Own Needs While Caring for Your Family, chronicled my life as a mom and enabled me to reach out other women on the same journey. My love of words extended to the speaking arena and I began to supplement my writing income by speaking. As my children grew so did my business, and I became a student of at-home entrepreneurship. Eventually, I wrote Making Work at Home Work: Successfully Growing a Business and a Family Under One Roof, a guidebook for moms raising families while working at home for profit. I love writing. I love working from home. And I love motherhood. As I look back I marvel at how beautifully God knit these passions together. Had I not left full-time employment outside the home, I never would have discovered my sweet spot as an at-home entrepreneur nor fulfilled my childhood dream of writing a book. And I would have missed a precious season of at-home mothering. By giving up my job, I learned that sometimes losing something you love leads to finding something even better— including your sweet spot!
))
) your voice
REFLECT ON …
Sweet Singing
By Lynn Yerrick Have you experienced the sweet spot that Leigh McLeroy described as the unprogrammed but divine moment of working alongside God?
How can you make choices so you are more likely to operate in your sweet spot?
G
SINGER BY CARMEN MARTÍNEZ BANÚS/ISTOCK; MUSIC NOTATION BY YURI KHRISTICH/ISTOCK
ROWING UP, MUSIC LESSONS WERE A PART OF OUR FAMILY EXPECTATION.
After a number of years of piano lessons, I switched to voice lessons and enjoyed singing in choirs at church and school. While my father was musical as well, my mom was an observer for our musical endeavors. Later I learned that she had been told to just mouth the words when she was singing in second grade, so she kept quiet and never sang out loud. A few years after my mom died, I got more serious about my singing. I resumed voice lessons, even though it was a busy time of life with my two children and their activities. My confidence grew and I took up more musical challenges, enjoying participation in the church choir. As an empty-nester, I joined a Sacred Music Chorale and focused on serious choral music. When I’m singing, I feel like the Holy Spirit is working through me, bringing joy. I also imagine my mom as an angel being able to sing freely now. Singing is definitely a sweet expression of God’s love. Our pastor preached as series of sermons on “Dangerous Prayers” this past winter and he challenged us to stretch beyond our comfort zone. I prayed that somehow God could use my music. Soon after, I was invited to audition for a choir going to sing in Rome for Holy Week. I felt like this was God’s way of answering my prayer. There were some logistical challenges with the trip, but the experience of singing in this international choir stretched my faith and allowed me to see the many ways God can use me through my vocal gifts.
Do you have friends or mentors who are helping you discover where you can be used by God?
Have you prayed any dangerous prayers to be used by God?
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as a Spiritual Discipline
By Valerie E. Hess
JOHN MARK ARNOLD
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“
T
HE SOUNDS OF SILENCE.”
Remember that song by Simon and Garfunkel? Those lyrics talked about a dream world but if you were to stop reading right now and listen, what sounds would you hear? [Stop reading right now and listen!] Do you hear traffic? Music? Talking? Household appliances or a clock? Your own heartbeat? Your mind racing like a tree full of monkeys? True silence is rare for most of us. The radio or iPods, TV and conversations are nearly constant. Worship services, places where we go to hear a word from God among other things, are too often a steady stream of music and talking with little to no silence. With this constant barrage of noise inside and out, how will we ever hear that still small voice of God that is not in the fire, the wind or the earthquake (big, noisy events mentioned in 1 Kings 19: 9-18)? Then again, maybe we are afraid to hear the voice of God. The children of Israel didn’t want to encounter God directly and so asked Moses to be their mediator (see Exodus 20:18-19). That extra layer of distance from communicating directly with God eventually allowed them to question whether the commands Moses gave them were actually from God. Then they questioned their need to obey the commands. It is OK to admit that deep-down we are afraid to hear the voice of God in our lives. We want God to answer our prayers and give us a sense of his presence and peace. But honestly we may not want to hear God tell us how he plans to answer our prayer, especially if it involves an outcome or direction different from the one we want. Do we really trust that God knows better than we do about our relationships, our children, our lives?
Maybe we are afraid that if we actually stop and listen to God speaking to us, we will be told to go somewhere hard and difficult in the world. Or we will be asked to forgive someone or to end a relationship or to stay where we are. Maybe we really like our bad habits and don’t want to hear God (along with others) tell us to give up something we spend too much time or energy on, such as smoking, overeating, overspending, drinking, shopping, decorating, television or being angry. After Adam and Eve disobeyed God (see Genesis 2), they hid from God and then lied about it when God found them. We, too, have been hiding from and lying to God, to others, and to ourselves ever since. The good news is God is still looking for us. God has new clothing for our naked vulnerabilities and the promise of forgiveness and a fresh start. But we have to stop running from him. Even when we are doing “God” things, like praying or reading our Bibles or serving as Christ’s hands and feet to others, we can be running from God. In fact, some people use service to others as a way to avoid a meaningful encounter with God. One way to know if we are running from God is to stop. Stop the external distractions; stop the internal list-making and worrying. We have to literally be still and say, “Speak, O Lord, for your servant is listening” (see 1 Samuel 3). We can’t let fear of “getting it wrong” stop us from learning to listen for God’s voice. Here are some practical suggestions on how to incorporate silence into your daily life: Turn off the radio in the car. If you have children, help them learn
the discipline of being “unplugged” from electronics. Aim for periods of silence each day. Keep the TV on only when you are actively watching a program.
Don’t use the television for background noise. Find a place where you can be by yourself: a closet, the bathroom, a
park, the library, a church near your workplace. Start out with 10 minutes a day of external silence and practice actively listening for God’s voice. Work up to longer time periods. Make sure your phone is off. Stop the noises in your head by saying the Jesus’ prayer over and over (Lord Jesus Christ, Son of
God, have mercy on me, a sinner— see Luke 18:13) or by slowly repeating the name of Jesus to “outshout the enemy.” Many people find quieting their minds is harder than finding external quiet. Have a piece of paper and a pencil nearby. If an urgent thought
flies through your mind, write it down so you can let it go and get back to listening for God’s voice. Record any thoughts you hear God saying to you to check later
with a trusted friend, especially if those thoughts seem unusual. Be humble; nearly all cults have started with someone “hearing a radical word from God.” No practice in Christian discipleship is completely safe; all spiritual practices are open to abuse so we must be humble and share an especially “radical word” with mature Christians to keep us from going off the deep end. The
Holy Spirit will confirm a “radical word” through Scripture and other Christians. Do act on what you hear God saying to you. I had the experience
of interacting with a woman I didn’t know well. I heard God say, “Ask about her son.” I did and she was moved by God. You will make mistakes but you will also learn what the voice of God sounds like in your life. Remember, God wants you to know how his voice sounds. He is dying to have a relationship with you. It will take time and practice, but God is determined to break through the noise and speak to you. Isn’t that a Voice worth learning to recognize? ■ Valerie E. Hess is currently the Coordinator of Music Ministries for Trinity Lutheran Church in Boulder, Colorado. She is also an instructor in the Spring Arbor University Master of Spiritual Formation and Leadership program. She co-authored Habits of a Childs Heart: Raising Your Kids with the Spiritual Disciplines with Dr. Marti Watson Garlett (NavPress, 2004) and wrote Spiritual Disciplines Devotional: A Year of Readings (InterVarsityPress, 2007). She can be contacted at valeriehess.com.
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coaching
Liz Selzer, Ph.D., is an Advisor to FullFill™ magazine and the Director of Ministry Engagement for MOPS International. She is adjunct faculty at Colorado Christian University and a trainer for The Mentoring Group. She enjoys teaching women to gain perspective on the ways they can be used in the kingdom.
community
Distance Mentoring
By Liz Selzer
can anyone mentor someone in a different city or country? Can the benefits of true relationship be accomplished? How can we build trust without being face to face? Here’s what we’ve learned about this fairly new (at least by this name) phenomenon, which is not only here to stay but is a potentially powerful strategy for helping people develop. WHAT IS IT? Various labels are engaged to describe the new methodology of distance mentoring: virtual mentoring, remote mentoring, tele-mentoring as well as offshoots such as e-Mentoring. They all mean the same thing: a mentoring relationship in which two parties (or the members of a mentoring group) are in different locations (areas of a large city, cities, states/provinces, countries). The participants rely almost exclusively on electronic tools (e-mail, online meeting software and platforms, videoconferencing), phones, voicemail, faxes and mail. The parties may meet face to face one or more times during their partnerships, but most of the time 12
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WHY USE DISTANCE MENTORING? Studies of
mentors, mentees and mentoring programs indicate that sometimes the most effective mentor or mentee (in terms of skills, knowledge, attitudes, experiences, contacts) is located elsewhere. Depending on what the mentee wants to develop, mentor location is less important than these other factors. Our current culture makes this type of mentoring not only more acceptable, but also more easily accomplished. Understanding that God is an important participant in the mentoring relationship binds these distance mentoring relationships together in a powerful synergy. Here are some more reasons to use distance mentoring. 1. Many mentors travel extensively. Even if mentors and mentees are located in the same location, one or both may travel as a necessary element of their vocation. Consequently, for much of the time they must use distance mentoring strategies in order to be successful. 2. The uniqueness of distance lends focus.
Distance mentoring provides, for many, the ability to focus more intently. Since time is typically limited and participants want the time to count, meetings are planned in advance, agendas are exchanged, and both “get down to business” rather quickly. When partners are nearby, it can be easy to cancel, get caught up in chatting, or drift away from planned goals. 3. Many shy participants find it easier to relate remotely. Many partners find they can
have deeper discussions when they aren’t face to face. As one mentee put it, “I can say things
on the phone or in e-mail that I might feel a little funny saying to him in person.” 4. New learning occurs. Being in different locations increases at least two types of learning. Besides the announced mentoring agendas, having to use the tools and strategies helps participants grow in skill and comfort level with these technologies, which are going to expand in all areas of personal and professional lives. 5. Our current culture embraces remote methodologies. Younger generations are quite
comfortable with the idea of building relationships on-line. They frequently utilize MySpace and FaceBook. They are adept at understanding the limitations of drawing conclusions too quickly with electronic media, but also value the community built through it. IS IT REALLY MENTORING? Yes, provided the mentor is going out of his/her way to use an intentional mentoring process and set of mentoring skills to help the mentee identify important life goals and build competence to reach them. In addition, the mentee must receive and use the assistance she/he is given. WHERE DO WE START? Establish common ground or a base from which both of you work: Find common goals (e.g. both agree on a skill to be developed, a character trait to be encouraged). • Establish expectations up front: How often will you communicate? Which electronic modes will you use, based on what works best for ease of use, functionality, your learning styles, and maintaining confidentiality? When will the relationship terminate? • Record your daily development: Whether keeping a journal or list, make sure that you are ready to discuss your everyday growth. Since you are not in a position to physically observe each other, this step becomes increasingly important. SO … Don’t be intimidated by the possibility of mentoring at a distance. When approached with clear expectations and a positive affinity, this type of mentoring can take off as technology progresses. It is a new opportunity to spread your influence out and beyond … !
CHRISTINE WONG/PHOTODISC/GETTY IMAGES
W
HAT IS DISTANCE MENTORING ANYWAY? Is it really mentoring? How
they are physically apart and may never meet faceto-face as in normal mentoring situations.
By Kathy Escobar
{
leadership challenge
}
Free to be Real: Becoming a Confessing Leader “For when I am weak, then I am strong” – 2 Corinthians 12:10
BLUE JEAN IMAGES / GETTY IMAGES
I
USED TO BE A FAKE. On the outside, I appeared strong, puttogether and confident while on the inside my head and heart swirled with a crazy concoction of insecurity, doubt and an intense fear of failure. I was taught, both subtly and overtly, that good ministry leaders kept a lid on weakness. A message was passed on to me that a good leader had her act together, always had her act together. So when I began leading in different capacities, I found myself stuck in a cycle of pretending to be stronger than I actually was. At some point, though, my show of strength began to break down. Lonely and disconnected from my friends, teammates, and even myself, I began the hard work of learning to say out loud some of the real things that were on my heart. I confessed that I often felt insecure and inadequate, that I was far more afraid than I ever appeared — afraid of failing, afraid of not being good enough, afraid of losing everyone’s approval. And as I became more honest, something inside of me began to shift. What I showed on the outside began to be more integrated with what was really happening inside. The power that shame and hiding
held over me began to dissipate, and I began to feel a different kind of confidence as a leader. I experienced freedom. Hiding, self-protecting and pretending keeps us stuck. Confession is extremely freeing. And scary. Many of us have been taught by a succession of leadership books and leadership role models that the most successful leaders are strong, confident and brave at all costs. As women leaders, I think there’s even more pressure to display confidence and show no signs of weakness. I strongly believe one of the most under-rated leadership skills is vulnerability and that honesty is one of the bravest acts of courage a leader can model. Learning to be an honest, vulnerable, confessing leader hasn’t come naturally to me. My reflex has always been to only show my good side and appear far more together than I really am. But I have experienced the value of confession and continue to integrate it into my life and leadership. Here are a few things that I continue to learn on this journey of becoming a confessing leader: WORK AT CONFESSION. Fear and pride are always the path of least resistance. To cultivate a spirit of honesty and vulnerability, we need to take the risk, even when all of our defenses tell us to act strong. DEVELOP A NEW VOCABULARY. I have become more comfortable saying truths such as: “I really am feeling inadequate right now … I am angry … I am confused and don’t know what to do … I need help … I made the wrong decision and I am sorry … I am jealous and it’s affecting my actions.” None of these words were previously in my vocabulary, but time and experience are helping this honesty to become more normal. FIND AN APPROPRIATE TIME AND PLACE FOR SHARING. Although I am extremely honest in most all of my relationships, it is true that as leaders we need to use discernment on who, when and where we reveal ourselves. CULTIVATE SAFE RELATIONSHIPS TO PRACTICE. I think sometimes we expect more of ourselves than is often realistic. Many of us need to practice the art of confession and learn to be more vulnerable in smaller, safer places before we can translate that learning to our leadership experiences. I started with a very safe and intentional group of women 15 years ago which provided the platform for me to begin practicing in relationships and experiences outside of the group. Integrating confession and vulnerability into our leadership takes practice, but it builds health and strength into the places we lead. Our weaknesses can somehow become our greatest strength. ■ Kathy Escobar juggles life as a pastor, wife, writer and mommy of 5 school-age kids. She is a Co-Pastor at The Refuge, an eclectic faith community, and a trained spiritual director and co-author of two spiritual direction tools for women — Come with Me: An Invitation to Break Through the Walls Between You and God and Refresh: Sharing Stories, Building Faith. She writes about faith, church and relationships at kathyescobar.com.
SPRING 2009
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13
An interview by Carla Foote
Nancy Ortberg:
a woman of influence
A Non-Linear Leader
Nancy Ortberg served as a teaching pastor for eight years at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, Illinois. She is a founding partner of Teamworx2, a business and leadership consulting firm that works with businesses, schools, nonprofits and churches to address issues of organizational effectiveness and teamwork. Nancy is a gifted communicator who is passionate about helping people connect what they
Journey through Tattoos, Tofu, & Pronouns and Unleashing the Power of Rubber Bands: Lessons in Non-Linear Leadership. She and her husband, John, live in the
children: Laura, Mallory and Johnny. Carla Foote, FullFill™ Advisor, was energized by her time talking
that you will also be influenced by this woman’s insight and directness.
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There are some basics of leadership that don’t change, the DNA of leaders is consistent, regardless of the generation or time. But we definitely can see how the next generations of leaders are engaging in a more collaborative style of leadership, not as hierarchical. They want to engage people from a variety of different disciplines, treat them with respect and treat their opinions as just as valuable. Younger leaders look at leadership in a more interlocking way, creativity-oriented and possibility-oriented. Rather than listening to
RIGHT: ULTRA.F/PHOTODISC/GETTY IMAGES
to Nancy, and hopes
One reason there are so many leadership books is that leaders are consummate learners and on a regular basis they need to pick up books to be stretched and to grow in their leadership. There is room for lots of learning in leadership. My book is unique in that it is a nonlinear approach, and for people who think like I do, they get that right away. Some leaders are more sequential, but my brain doesn’t work that way. I grow by stretching and thinking in many different areas to see what pops. For those who are comfortable with nonlinear thinking, they connect with the concepts in my book.
As you have worked with leaders of different generations, where do you see leadership going in the next 10 years? What qualities will be most important in future leaders?
ABOVE CENTER: J. DEPOLO
Bay Area of California and have three
Nancy, your message on non-linear leadership is a fresh one in a crowded field of leadership books. What is the essence of what makes your message distinct?
I still have to remind myself that leadership is hard. Once I remind myself of this fact, then I can move forward. Honesty in leadership is absolutely catalytic. When a leader has appropriate honesty with others on the team, they can build a culture of honesty and trust. It starts with honestly acknowledging mistakes, style differences or the need for change.
ABOVE LEFT: FAUSTO OPPIZIO/ISTOCK
believe with their everyday lives. Nancy is the author of Looking for God: An Unexpected
In your book you say, “Leadership is hard and we all need to stop being surprised by that.” Talk about what that level on honesty about leadership can do for a leadership team:
those of other generations who say, “It can’t be done,” younger leaders are saying, “How must this be done?” One way to lead in situations with people from different generations or styles is to start with questions and observations, not statements. Ask people what they want from leadership. A question isn’t a promise. When you ask a question you are not committing to do it a certain way. You are still the leader, but you are going to use that information to influence your thinking. We hear a lot about servant leadership but nobody fleshes it out in really helpful ways. At the core, servant leadership is looking at people you lead, and rather than thinking it’s all about you and your decisions, you become a student of people you lead. And then you integrate that learning into your leadership style so that they can function optimally. You want to lead a team in such as way that the best of who they are comes out. You don’t do that by presuming you know everything, but by questioning and collaborating. A number of our FullFill readers lead among volunteers rather than paid staff. Are there any distinctive or particular qualities you see as essential for women leading in this sector?
One of the things I enjoyed at Willow Creek Church was that the boundaries between paid staff and volunteers were blurred. We treated our volunteers really the same way we treated our staff. We called them staff without a paycheck. So the lines between staff and volunteers
are blurred but the expectations are the same. Leaders need to have conversations with volunteers to understand their abilities, season of life and availability. Then give them duties that are commensurate with their skills and availability. And hold them accountable just like a staff person; develop them just like a staff person. The more you make a distinction between staff and volunteers, the harder it is to grow a ministry or leadership team. Women may have leadership experiences that vary according to the seasons of their family life. Within those cycles and seasons, what thoughts do you have for helping women focus on functioning within their own sweet spot or target zone of leadership?
My only push back is that often we allow our culture to dictate what we can do in certain seasons. If seasonal means that for 15–20 years a woman takes primary responsibility for running the home to the exclusion of other involvement, there is not enough time left over to be the rest of what God wants us to be. Women have to have the courage to say that they are not necessarily responsible for everything about home and family. Unless there is a sense of partnership, women are left with little slices of being able to volunteer or lead. Personally, I have been freed up to lead because of lots of difficult conversations with my husband as we have worked in partnership. Together we help run the family and carve out time for our work. We do that for each other. Of course, there are seasons for men and women, and you need to be honest about your priorities during particular times in your life. Max Dupree says that the first job of a leader is to define reality. If that is organizationally true, then that is also personally true. You have to define your current reality and be aware and honest about what you can change and what you cannot. For women it is easy to get lost in the
kids and house and spouse. It is critical to figure out our spiritual gifts and consider where we can and should invest. I think it is fabulous for children to see their mothers do something that doesn’t always revolve around them. Women have to define their spiritual gifts and then give it a shot. There aren’t a lot of voices of women in Christian leadership circles, or the voices are particularly focused on women-only issues, why do you think that is, and how can we release the next generation of women to lead more broadly?
My perspective is that the gender distinctions are not helpful. They keep us stuck in leading in pockets of all women and not integrating. I think that biblical community involves men and women together. And it’s what I’m passionate about. We often overstate the differences and make them primary, when they are really tertiary. I have worked with and for men who are very nurturing and shepherding and I’ve worked with and for women who are very driven and strong. I think it is better to look at in terms of differences between people rather than adding gender on top of that and stereotyping and marginalizing. I prefer to consider a broad platform for great leadership. I can learn from a good leader in the post office or a restaurant as much as I can in a corporate setting or church. Good leadership is good leadership wherever it is and whomever it comes from. What about women who might not use the traditional identifier of “Leader” with a capital L, but who have influence over people in their homes, churches and communities. How can they see the power of rubber band leadership unleashed?
Nonlinear thinking gives us the freedom to say that leadership or influence doesn’t have to be another structured environment. It’s not necessarily limited to a job or volunteer position. You influence in so many ways. When we think of influence as partnering with God and pointing someone else to God — call it leadership, call it something else, I don’t care what you call it — that kind of exercise of influence is essential. We should take this influence seriously, whether it is focused on our children, our relationships, our job or our community. ■
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15
A feature inviting you to think through your theology. By Carolyn Custis James
{
think
}
Theology is Life
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■ Carolyn Custis James writes more on this topic of theology and its importance for women in When Life and Beliefs Collide (Zondervan, 2001). She is the author of several books and equips women through the Whitby Forum and Synergy.
LP7 / ISTOCKPHOTO
I
Conventional definitions of theology such as “the study of God” are too remote and frankly miss the point. Theology is not about getting day before my big surgery. As she brushed your doctrinal ducks in a row or having all the past my bedside she whispered: “I can’t wait to answers. Nor is it about abstract speculations watch your surgery!” I was thirty-six, and the about God. Theology is about life — everyday surgery she couldn’t wait to see was about to life with all its bewildering tribulations that drive reconfigure my life. Late the next day, still groggy us to our knees with questions too painful to from anesthesia, I was wheeled out of the recovery ignore. One of the church’s towering theoloroom to face the news that my hopes of bearing gians, Martin Luther, understood this all too children were gone forever. well. He wrote, “It is through Christians love to talk about living, indeed through dying and The moment those glorious moments when being damned that one becomes the word “why” a theologian.” “God showed up.” But there are plenty of other times when he Recently I heard of an evancrossed my lips, gelical doesn’t — when his child feels seminary president who abandoned, bewildered and desI was doing stated quite bluntly, “Women perate for him. These moments don’t need theology. If they have theology. bring out the theologian in all of theological questions they should us. That day in the hospital was ask their husbands.” This kind of such a moment for me. The moment the word thinking is naive and reflects the view that “why” crossed my lips, I was doing theology — women don’t need to (or can’t) think for themthe kind of real life theology King David did selves. Above all, it is anti-Christian, for all when he cried out to God, “Why O Lord do Christians are called to know God and pursue a you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in deeper relationship with him. Furthermore, it times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1). puts women at risk, for when trouble comes into HAVE VIVID MEMORIES OF THE ENTHUSIASTIC YOUNG MEDICAL STUDENT ACCOMPANYING MY SURGEON on his hospital rounds the
our lives, the theology we lean on is our own. In sharp contrast, Jesus regarded women as theologians. He consistently engaged them in deep theological conversation — not simply because he was an advocate for women (which he is) or because he valued the female intellect and wanted women to use their minds (which he does). Jesus drew women to go deeper because, put starkly, nothing else matters more. His relationships with Mary and Martha underscore that point. When Rabbi Jesus defended Mary of Bethany’s right to sit at his feet (language that identifies her as a rabbinical student), he wasn’t just sticking up for Mary in a disagreement with her sister. Jesus was sending a strong message that women need theology as much as the men. “Only one thing really matters. Mary has found it, and I won’t take it away.” His message targeted Martha who, contrary to stereotypical interpretations, was a theologian too. Jesus’ words challenged her to rethink her priorities and join Mary in doing theology. That point came home to roost when they faced the devastating loss of their brother. Suddenly both sisters were banking on their theology — everything they believed about Jesus — and needing desperately to know more. No one asks if theology is important for women in a crisis like that. Through the crucible of pain and disappointment, when faith is trying to find a foothold in God, we all learn why Jesus said, “Only one thing really matters.” This is only one of many reasons why we need to get serious about knowing God. We are all theologians because we have struggles in this life that drive us to him. Trouble draws out the theologian in all of us as we probe God’s heart with questions we can’t stop ourselves from asking. So please keep asking “why,” for in this, you are doing the one thing that matters most.
“
To sit in the shade on a fine day and look upon verdure is the most perfect refreshment. —JANE AUSTEN
”
Make it sweet. Take part of a summer day to sit in the shade with a book and some iced tea. Southern Sweet Iced Tea INGREDIENTS
3 Family sized tea bags a pinch baking soda (about 1⁄ 4 teaspoon) 1 to 1 1⁄ 3 cups of sugar DIRECTIONS
Bring 3 cups of water to a boil. Add a pinch of baking soda to the water and add 3 family sized tea bags.
MICHEL DE NIJS/ISTOCK
Remove from heat and cover. Allow to sit for at least 10-15 minutes. Stir in sugar. Pour into gallon pitcher and fill with cold water. Refrigerate. NOTE: The soda takes out the bitterness and darkens the tea ... this small amount doesn’t affect the taste.
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17
{
life issues
} When Words Hurt
Verbal Abuse in Marriage
HOW ARE WORDS USED TO CONTROL OR ATTACK? • Guilt trips are a means of controlling people or punishing people. • Faultfinding puts spouses under a barrage of criticism. • Name-calling is applying a negative word or phrase to a spouse’s deficiency. Yelling intimidates the • partner. • Sarcasm is another method of control and it is often a thinly veiled attack. • Blaming allows one spouse to be exonerated and imposes guilt on the other. • Put-downs, whether subtle or overt, are also used to gain power over another.
M
ARSHA’S STOMACH TIGHTENED. She had innocently asked her husband Dan what he had planned for the afternoon. She wanted to make sure he wasn’t depending on her to be at home. She was still shaken from the anger Dan had expressed the day before when he found out she had gone shopping without telling him … there was no reasoning with Dan. He persisted to twist what she was saying and to call her more derogatory names. A phone call mercifully ended the episode. But Marsha left that conversation, as she had left many others, feeling belittled, confused and guilty. We cannot afford to underestimate the importance and the power of our words. The New Testament writer James said that even though the human tongue is a small part of the body, it has the power to make a tremendous impact. (James 3:1-12) PAIN FOR GOOD OR FOR HARM. Some situations require
THE DAMAGE OF EXTREME VERBAL ABUSE.
Verbally abusive words can hurt at any level. But we are left with damage that is more extensive when the abuse becomes extreme. You can’t see the bruises, as you can 18
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with physical abuse, but the injury is there and is just as great. • Mental Damage. The long-term effect of living with an irrational, belittling spouse is that those who are being abused feel as if they’re going crazy. • Emotional Damage. Extreme verbal abuse makes its victims feel small and powerless. After living in a situation where nothing changes no matter what they do, they slowly give up. • Physical Damage. Eventually, what affects the soul will take its toll on the body. It’s not uncommon for spouses who have experienced extreme verbal abuse to suffer with a host of stress-related symptoms. WHAT CAN A WOUNDED SPOUSE DO? 1. Recognize the Problem. Learn to recognize how
and when partners are using words to control and attack. Keeping a journal of verbal assaults will help identify the patterns of control and manipulation. 2. Conduct a Careful Self-examination. Without minimizing the pain, take time to look within yourself. Take a thoughtful look at why you may have allowed your partner to verbally mistreat and control you. 3. Confront the Verbal Offenses. There are two options to consider: You can confront at the moment your spouse verbally abuses you, or you can choose to discuss your concern at a less emotionally-charged moment. In severe cases, though, it may not be safe to confront an abusive spouse alone. You may feel legitimately afraid of a physically violent reaction. If this is the case, it is best for you to confront your spouse in the presence of a pastor or a counselor. 4. Look for a Real Change of Heart. Truly repentant persons recognize and take responsibility for their unacceptable behavior. They are willing to own up to the fear and mistrust they have created for their spouses. Restoration is a process, not an event. 5. Learn to Forgive as God Has Forgiven You. If we do not have any desire to forgive our repentant husband or wife, we need to do some real soul-searching. Vindictiveness indicates that we are not experiencing the mercy and forgiveness of God for our own sins. ■ Excerpt from When Words Hurt, by Jeff Olson. Copyright 2002 by RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, MI. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Further distribution not allowed without permission from RBC Ministries. Discovery Series booklets may be ordered without cost or obligation at 616-974-2210 or discoveryseries.org.
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the compassionate and skillful use of incisive words that may cause pain. All of us need admonition, correction and constructive criticism at times. Even though they are necessary, such words still hurt. But this is not the kind of pain that harms. It is pain intended to help us grow. Far too often, however, a loving motive is missing in the pain we cause with our words. It is more likely that we will use hurtful words in the process of attacking one another. Unfortunately, such instances of verbal warfare are all too common in most of our marriages.
By Jeff Olson
{ overflow } CLASSIC THOUGHT:
Friendship with God
By Oswald Chambers
“Shall I hide from Abraham what I am doing …?” ( Genesis 18:17)
T
HE DELIGHTS OF HIS FRIENDSHIP. Genesis 18 brings out the delight of true friendship with God, as compared with simply feeling his presence occasionally in prayer. This friendship means being so intimately in touch with God that you never even need to ask him to show you his will. It is evidence of a level of intimacy which confirms that you are nearing the final stage of your discipline in the life of faith. When you have a right-standing relationship with God, you have a life of freedom, liberty, and delight; you are God’s will. And all of your commonsense decisions are actually his will for you, unless you sense a feeling of restraint brought on by a check in your spirit. You are free to make decisions in the light of a perfect and delightful friendship with God, knowing that if your decisions are wrong he will lovingly produce that sense of restraint. Once he does, you must stop immediately. THE DIFFICULTIES OF HIS FRIENDSHIP. Why did Abraham stop praying when he did? He stopped because he still was lacking the level of intimacy in his relationship with God, which
would enable him boldly to continue on with the Lord in prayer until his desire was granted. Whenever we stop short of our true desire in prayer and say, “Well, I don’t know, maybe this is not God’s will,” then we still have another level to go. It shows that we are not as intimately acquainted with God as Jesus was, and as Jesus would have us to be — “… that they may be one just as We are one …” (John 17:22) Think of the last thing you prayed about — were you devoted to your desire or to God? Was your determination to get some gift of the Spirit for yourself or to get to God? “For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask him.” (Matthew 6:8) The reason for asking is so you may get to know God better. “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and he shall give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4) We should keep praying to get a perfect understanding of God himself. ■ Note: The works of Oswald Chambers were compiled by his wife, Biddy, after his death in 1917. Taken from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, edited by James Reimann, © 1992 by Oswald Chambers Publications Assn., Ltd. Used by permission Discovery House Publishers, Grand Rapids MI. All rights reserved. Order My Utmost for His Highest at 800-653-8333 or dhp.org.
CONTEMPORARY REFLECTION:
DAVID SACKS/STONE/GETTY IMAGES
Give it Anyway
By Erin Bunting
A
tiny, narrow wooden shelf hangs on my bathroom wall. It is homemade, a gift
from my son Leo when he was 9. He designed it — the size, shape, the scalloped top edge detail. He carefully selected the wood from scrap lumber in the garage. He drove in each of the seven deck screws holding the back to the front. He picked out and sprayed on the cornflower blue paint. And with crayons upon a small rock, Leo also drew the picture of our family — four smiling stick figures hot-glued to the shelf ’s left-hand corner. Did I need this shelf? No. Did I ask for a shelf? No. Does its color complement my bathroom decor? Not really. Is this shelf expertly made? No — it is rough, clunky, childlike and imperfect. Nevertheless, this shelf hangs on my wall because it was a gift, a gift of love from
someone very precious to me. My child made this gift for me. He took the time, spent his time, fashioning something one-of-a-kind. With the materials available to him, with his limited skills, and with his own two hands, Leo made the very best shelf he could make — and he made it just for me. God doesn’t need anything from his kids either. In fact, God doesn’t need anything, period. Not from me. Not from you. The best, most excellent, most extravagant gifts we can offer are absolutely unnecessary to the God who has everything, the God who made everything, the God who is everything. Scripture says, “The
God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of Heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands as if he needed anything, because he himself gave all men life and breath and everything else.” (Acts 17:24-15) Did you catch that? “He is not served by human hands as if he needed anything.” As if! And yet, flawed though they are, I offer my gifts anyway. Because of what he’s done in my life, and more importantly because of who he is in my life, I want to thank him. I am compelled to thank him. I can’t help it. I just have to. I must. ■ Erin Bunting is an actor, writer, speaker, athlete and artist. She lives in Huron, Ohio with her husband, Dr. Darrin Bunting, and their sons Sam (14) and Leo (11). SPRING 2009
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“
The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves.
U.S. chocolate manufacturers use 3.5 million pounds of whole milk
”
to make chocolate.
—HELEN KELLER
Source: ezinearticles.com
quick Fill { Community Builders }
TECH
TIP
Compiled by Jackie Alvarez
Red | Red is a male color in Britain. In Tudor Britain, flame red was for lovers, while dark red represented those who were long in love.
BRITAIN
CHINA | Red is the luckiest color in China. Bright red envelopes are used to present gifts of money in China. COLUMBIA | Red is the color of the country’s Liberal party.
Graphic Design Tips
INDIA | Red indicates both sensuality and purity.
| Red is symbolic of courage.
IRAN
Work it Out Consider a yard work co-op with some friends or neighbors. Take turns helping each other with yard or home projects. You can benefit from each others’ help, expertise and company.
Whether you’re creating a flier at work, an announcement at church or an invitation at home, you want it to look nice. Here are some tips to help you achieve just that. Plan ahead: Place the
Never Assume Be open about inviting others to join you to do fun things. It’s easy to assume other people aren’t interested, but you never know who might want to join in the fun.
Go to the Front Make a point to eat dinner, play with the kids or enjoy a glass of lemonade on the front porch this summer. It will give you a chance to take in the happenings of the block and meet some neighbors. 20
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most important information on the page first and work around it to make sure it doesn’t get cramped in a corner. Repetition: Use repetition of shapes or other visual elements to help create unity. A consistent color palette throughout your piece also ties everything together. Watch for holes: Don’t leave large amounts of open space in the middle of a design.
“
Think out of the box:
Don’t overuse boxes or frames. Twice is nice: ALWAYS edit and reedit your text. Rule of threes: Use contrasting, but complementing, fonts. However, don’t use too many different types; a general rule is to use no more than three fonts. Alignment: Text that is flush to the left is the easiest to read. Overuse of centered text is hard to read. Contrast: Make sure headlines are significantly larger than the rest of the text. Readability: Sans-serif fonts are good for titles or special words, but can be hard to read for blocks of text. Spacing: Only use one space between sentences.
NEW ZEALAND | Red denotes hard work and achievement. NIGERIA | Red can stand for wealth, plenty, virility, vitality and aggression. SOUTH AFRICA | Red can be either a sign of misfortune or blessing. UKRAINE | Red is a positive color that can mean action, fire, charity, spiritual awakening, love and joy in life. U.S.A. | Red is a provocative color that can stand for warning or danger, love, anger, heat, embarrassment, sexuality, romance, Christmas, national holidays and patriotism.
Dreams sometimes do come true. But not without something that looks a lot like hard work. — S Y LVI A A S H T O N WA R N E R
”
CHOCOLATE BY SUPRIJONO SUHARJOTO/ISTOCK; RED PAINT BY ISABELLE ZACHER-FINET/ISTOCK; TROWEL BY DON NICHOLS/ISTOCK; INVITE BY RICH LEGG/ISTOCK; CHAIR BY LESLIE BANKS/ISTOCK
every day
four
In each issue of FullFill™, we address a four-letter word, a concept that Christian women may not feel free to talk about. Four-letter words come with baggage that weighs down their meaning. Often there is negativity, discomfort or stigma assigned to such otherwise interesting and usable words. Let’s reclaim these words for their contribution to our lives.
letter word
Be af rai Fear n d. Be very af ot throug . | Be wis raid. | Be e. Do wise. h the life s riv the fla cared Life is sca mes w ers, they w . Whe ry. … ill not il set yo l not sweep n you pass a woman w u abla o v e r you. W through th ho fears th ze. Isa e e Lord iah 43 h wate e n :2 you w alk th rs I will be is to be p rais rough with y fire, ou; an ed. Proverbs d whe 3 owls around pr l vi de e th n you 1:30 you w Your enemy, p t. il a I Peter 5:8 ou . l ss ch ur n at vo W o de t be b someone to Be afraid. | urned you except ed n looking for iz ; se lio s g in ha ar n ro like a g is t let No temptatio rythin Watch out. ful; he will no e ith v fa E is d . e Go Fear not. | . And ight ebrews 4:13 hen you ar mon to man od’s s n bear. But w H what is com we n stand what you ca om G account. ca r nd u f yo yo be at n th that ed e so t d e ou d v i ay i w , h you be tempt a g e so e s c id t i ov n s pr e u n so d will al eatio we m ith confi tempted, he all cr to whom 10:13 w :16 I Corinthians g in n i grace . Hebrews 4 m i h f t h up under it. o o f N e o d n . e s o n e eye thr ow fn re kn ime o e the h the You a bare befor s approac s in our t | . d u tu id rai lp Be af red and la e safe. Le ace to he e gr ar v o d u c n o i n f Y u | and not. mercy Fear your eive c e r ork out may work. W s 2:12 rd a h is ian lvation g. Philipp id. | Sa r and tremblin . e n Be afra a o d fe been n with Be afraid. | rk has salvatio iah 43:1 Life hurts. The wo | you. Isa . I will greatly t d o e in childbear n m e e d increase your Fear re ing; with pa e pains in you will gi t. I hav Genesis 3:16 ve birth to ch Fear no ildren. Fear not. | Hurts heal. But women childbearing… will be save I Timothy 2:1 d through 5 him , serve our God y rd o L ar the elor, God. Fe e Couns efends d e f li . But th r e f u li o Y r | u id. ill gh yo :13 Be afra name, w lf throu nomy 6 Deutero s himse ill send in my d n I e f g e only… d rw rythin t. | God e Fathe u of eve Fear no pirit, whom th mind yo re l il S w ly d the Ho ings an ou all th John 14:26 teach y . u o y id to have sa e I cam l ked i a N w . I l lone ked re a and na a u , o t . | Y r’s womb o no fraid e So d . e Be a y moth n alo m 1 not iah 41:10 from . Job 1:2 are t Isa u r . o a u Y dep h yo t. | t o i n w Fear or I am f fear,
. y alive us full Proverbs 19:23 s e k a Fear m ads to life. rfect love aid. | le pe Be afr of the Lord d. But do in y love ar to s a h The fe . | Live full r e a ot use fe ot mad Fear n t fear, beca ho fear is n ou ew drives The on :18 ment. h hn 4 is o J n I u . p ve t in lo perfec
rt. e sma id. | B ord is the a r f a Be s 1:7 he L . Proverb ot give ar of t The fe g of wisdom r God did n Fo and in beginn . | Be bold. ut of power b t o y Fear n it of timidit . 2 Timothy 1:7 ir ne us a sp self-discipli nd love a
Be afraid. | Fear not. Be afraid to fear not. | Fear not to be afraid.
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male
Dave Terpestra is the former Teaching Pastor at The Next Level Church in Denver, Colorado where he served in various capacities for 10 years. Dave is now preparing to move to Mozambique, Africa with his wife and 3 small children where he will serve Mozambican pastors and business leaders.
box By Dave Terpestra
Giving Co-Pilots a Role
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MALE BOX is a regular feature in FullFill where we invite the opinion, perspective and insight of male leaders as they comment on women and their participation in the kingdom.
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FullFill
SPRING 2009
STEPHEN STRATHEDEE/ISTOCK
’m not scared of flying, but I don’t like it either. I know there is a greater chance of dying in a car wreck than dying in a plane. But travelling at 30,000 feet above the earth tends to remind me how much my life is in the hands of the flight crew. The skill and savvy of a pilot and co-pilot determines whether I arrive on time to my destination, or not at all. But Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers suggests that the safety of those of us who fly is not simply determined by the aptitude of the flight crew, but also by their patterns of communication. Gladwell tells story after tragic story pieced together from the contents of flight recorders of planes that crashed. And what those stories tell is that most plane crashes happen because of small mechanical problems and seemingly minor mistakes of the crew, not because of major mistakes or catastrophic mechanical failures. For example, Columbian airliner Avianca flight 052 was going to New York’s Kennedy Airport and they missed their first approach in January of 1990. They were nearly out of fuel. It was an emergency. And when Air Traffic Control (who did not know they were in an emergency) put them on a new and longer approach, and asked if that would work for their fuel situation, how did the first-officer respond? “I guess so. Thank you very much.” That was the last time anyone heard from that plane.
Korean Air flight 801 was heading from Seoul to Guam in 1997. The captain of the plane committed their flight to a visual landing with Air Traffic Control, but the weather was terrible. The first officer knew it, but didn’t speak up. Instead of saying, “We can’t see in this weather. Let’s pull up and try again.” He said, “The weather radar has helped us a lot.” Hundreds of people died because the copilots failed to raise the proper alarm. They didn’t grab the controls of planes they knew were crashing. They made subtle suggestions to those at the controls that cost them and those around them their lives. Too often in the church and in Christian leadership women find themselves marginalized. I’m excited to see that reality changing more and more very day. But often women are allowed every seat in the plane but the pilot seat. However, regardless of one’s reading of Scripture and church tradition on that issue, it is critical that we all understand the implications when any of us choose not to speak up. Often when we find ourselves in roles where we are serving under someone else in a leadership structure, we get lazy. We abdicate. We keep silent. We write off our responsibility to respond and allow those above us to take the blame. But even when we are not the primary leader we can’t hesitate for a moment when there are consequences for those we lead. The scriptures teach of a woman named Abigail who was married to a husband who was both a shepherd and a bit of a louse. He was surly and inflexible and failed to show gratitude to a band of men who had repeatedly protected his herds and flocks. When the men who had protected her husband’s flocks came seeking a reward for their efforts, Abigail’s husband treated them with contempt and disrespect. Abigail had a choice. She was not her husband. She had no direct responsibility to the men who protected their family’s herds. It was her husband’s responsibility. But the scriptures say Abigail was both beautiful and intelligent. She didn’t sit idly by and watch her husband squander everything they had worked to achieve. She spoke up. She intervened. And she saved the day by acting quickly and using her voice. Most plane crashes happen because of a series of small errors on the part of the flight crew, not one catastrophic mistake. Perhaps our churches and businesses and organizations are the same way. Perhaps there are not hundreds of lives on the line for a choice you will make today, but don’t remain silent when those you influence need you to speak up!
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“Sweet”
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’ve felt it. Known it. Loved it. My sweet spot. That moment when life and challenge and provision meet and zing I’m more than I ever thought I could be, doing something I’d never imagined doing and doing it in such a way that my action results in change.
Standing on a platform in a giant ballroom, addressing over 5,000 mom leaders from around the world, opening the Bible and offering out real-life, cookies on the bottom shelf insights and experiencing the vibration as those insights take hold in hearts. Watching a staff come alive with ownership of God’s call on their lives to reach moms of preschoolers. Connecting with a friend about how her financial investment really can produce dividends in God’s world of mothering. Wow. Honestly, life is at its sweetest when I’m not so sure that the I’m hitting in my sweet spot. I feel sweet spot is about a spot alive! Like I matter! Like God actually knows what he’s doing in picking me! Frederick Buechner wrote, “The so much as it is about kind of work God usually calls you to being aligned. is the kind of work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world most needs to have done.... The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” A sweet spot. I’ve known mine for two decades: in the leadership of MOPS International. What happens when your sweet spot changes? Or at least when the place that you have come to experience ministering in your sweet spot changes. What then? Several years ago, God made it clear that my calling of leadership at MOPS required me to address succession. Replacing myself. After all, MOPS was created by mothers of preschoolers for mothers of preschoolers. I was nearing fifty and had become a grandmother of a preschooler. Leading well meant succeeding at succession. With our Board’s consent, we separated the functions of CEO and President. I kept the CEO role and began the process of finding the next President. In 2007, we hired Naomi Cramer Overton, a perfect pick for the reinvention of MOPS for new generations of moms.
COME WITH ME:
Naomi moved from her native San Diego to Denver, with husband, kids, dog and all, and sunk her teeth into the challenge. I focused on releasing various momfocused responsibilities and training Naomi to hold them while keeping my eye solidly on the overall organization. Then came the fateful fall and winter of 2008 where I realized that I’d fulfilled all the responsibilities of succession except the final one: leaving. In order to complete the process, I had to exit the stage. And with it, the spot where I’d found my sweetest impact. Groan. Now what? Minister out of an “unsweet spot”? A “sweet unspot”? Here’s the thing. I’m not so sure that the sweet spot is about a spot so much as it is about being aligned. With who God has made us to be and with how God wants to use us in his world. The exact spot may change. From leader to follower. From speaker to listener. From giver to receiver. From teacher to student — or student to teacher. But when aligned and yielded to be all of who we are doing all of what God has called us to do … the sweetness remains. In this season of transition, God has been whispering a strange sentence to me, “Elisa, I am forming that to which I have already called you.” In church this past weekend, my Pastor Robert led us to the biblical words behind this echo. “See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.” Isaiah 42:9 Hmmm. Here we go. Off to a different spot. One I can’t see perfectly at the moment but because I trust the One who is forming it, one that I know will hold the same sweet. Spot on. Sweet.
Elisa Morgan, P U B L I S H E R
I’ll be keeping you informed of God’s new sweet spot for me in the pages of
FullFill™. Together we’ll continue to grow as we discover more FULLy how to recognize, utilize and maximize our influence and in order to FILL others in God’s great kingdom. Watch for an eblast coming your way — and if you think we might not have your email addresss, connect with us at subscriptions@FullFill.org. SPRING 2009
FullFill
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info@FullFill.org
You’re surrounded by needs. Where do you start?
How do you start? Five words that will change your life!
SHE DID WHAT SHE COULD — Jesus said these words about Mary after she anointed him with oil. SDWSC — “She did what she could.” Not everything, not more than most, just, simply, what she could. And Jesus loved her for it. What if we lived our faith that way? What if we responded to the need before us — in the moment — with an everyday action? In the front yard, at the market, on an airplane. In her new book, Elisa Morgan guides you to ways to begin serving right where you are. Available September 2009.