CRACK UP’S

Why don’t people play more hide-and-seek? Because good players are hard to find.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

What did one eye say to the other? Between us, something smells.

What did the horse say after it tripped? Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

Why shouldn’t you trust jungle animals? They’re always lion.

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball!

I don’t like shopping centers. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall. ____________________

What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.

I used to have an addiction to the hokey pokey, but then I turned it around.

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

What did the drummer name her twin daughters?

Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.

Did you hear about the tree that went into banking? It started its own branch.

Anna 1, Anna 2. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?

Because they are such fungis.

Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting magazines? She had issues.

Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet?

Because he always got lost at “C.”