Mattie Lennon on social distancing and Castleisland men

SOCIAL DISTANCING AND “CASTLEISLAND MEN” By Mattie Lennon

THE Republic of Ireland IS in virtual lockdown. Theatres, pubs and many stores closed. Since I was born in the first half of the last century I am cocooned. It is a scary time but we haven’t lost our sense of humour. Róisín Meaney wrote; I ate my way through last week, As I waited for covid to peak I must try harder To bypass the larder, Or I’ll never regain my physique.

DESPITE the darkness, inter-county rivalry hasn’t died a death. The following dialogue between two Meath men was overheard at a wake in Nobber. “I hear a Cavan man is after getting’ the virus.” “Well there’s one thing certain, he won’t give it to anyone. I heard of a couple in Mullahoran, during the lockdown an’ they were watching Mass on the television. When it came to the collection they turned it off.”

THE late Niall Toibin told a story of the Castleisland woman who went to visit her son in Hartford, Connecticut. Her luck was in when she saw a name that she recognised in the “deaths” column in the local paper, because in brackets it said “late of Castleisland.” Off she went to the funeral parlours, unfamiliar terrain to her. She blundered into the first parlour where some lonely Greek exile was laid out under the bored gaze of a blacksuited attendant. The poor woman burst into tears, and the Kerry mourners on their way past to the correct parlour, heard her keening bitterly: “Oh Mosheen, if ‘twas back in Castleisland you were, it’s more than one little maneen you’d have guarding your casket.” From then on, Greeks in Hartford were known, among the Irish as “Castleislandmen.”

Q: What do accountants use for contraception?

A; Their personalities. That’s a horrible joke and I wouldn’t dream of telling it in polite company. But it reminds me of the time that the old accountant was on his death-bed in Newbridge. He has summoned all his family to his bedside. The room was full to capacity. In a weak voice he asked his wife, “Are all our children here?” When she assured him that they were he asked, “Are my brothers and sisters and all my cousins in the room?” Once again she answered in the affirmative but he had a further question. “If everyone is here why are the lights still on in the kitchen?”

IT would appear that some young people are not taking the advice of experts seriously. I’m doing my best to stay alive anyway. Because, in the words of the late John B. Keane, “A dead man is no good to anyone except undertakers and propagandists.” And in this time of trauma when it is necessary to live a day at a time we should pay attention to Robert H. Smith’s “The Clock of Life.”

The clock of life is wound but once, And no man has the power To tell just when the hands will stop At late or early hour. To lose one’s wealth is sad indeed, To lose one’s health is more, To lose one’s soul is such a loss That no man can restore.

The present only is our own, So live, love, toil with a will, Place no faith in “Tomorrow,” For the Clock may then be still.

SOCIAL Distancing is not a new phenomenon. It’s a long time since I encountered it first. It was a harvest night in 1969. I was parallel with the perpendicular outside the Marquee in Puulaphouca with a young one (well she wasn’t that young!) The Parish Priest came on the scene and, in a stentorian voice, commanded, “You should be two feet apart.” “Be God Father” says I “I’m here for the past twenty minutes trying to get her two feet apart.”

I saw the following in the Social and Personal section of a provincial newspaper in March. “Single man with toilet rolls would like to meet female with hand sanitiser . . . for good clean fun.”

WHEN restrictions were somewhat relaxed I attended a wake in what is known locally as “the Latin-quarter of Ballinastockan.” A female mourner lamented, “Poor Miley has gone to his eternal reward after decades of celibacy.” I knew that Miley was married and had several offspring and since I left school two days before my fourteenth birthday the lady’s

statement was a conundrum that I wasn’t in a position to solve. Luckily enough I was seated beside an erudite gentleman who was married to a local woman. He could see my confusion and explained, “Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a “Harmony for Couples” weekend, in Naas, Miley and his wife Kate listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He then addressed the men, “Can you name and describe your wife’s favourite flower?” Miley leaned over, touched Kate’s arm gently, and whispered, ‘It’s Odlums, isn’t it?’ Thus began Miley’s life of celibacy.

WE are told that we should turn our stumbling blocks into stepping stones. We now have a major stumbling block and converting it into a stepping stone will be difficult. But we can do our best.

‘Eco friendly hearse’

NEW DELIVERY - DUFFY COACHBODIES

Ian Cunningham of Cunninghams Funeral Directors takes delivery of a new Duy/Mercedes 213 Series E-Class Hearse. Cunninghams opted for a traditional burl walnut deck in keeping with the traditional proportions of the hearse design. Duy Coachbodies would like to thank Cunninghams for their continued support.

Duy coachbodies were proud to deliver the largest number of funeral vehicles in one week to Irish Funeral Directors in the month of April this year. A total of six hearses and two removal vehicles were supplied to the industry.

NEW DELIVERY - DUFFY COACHBODIES

Gerard Duy of Duy Coachbodies hands over a new Duy/Mercedes E-Class Hearse to Kevin & Billy O'Connor of Jerh O'Connor & Sons Ltd., Funeral Homes Cork. O’Connors opted for the exclusive line front grille to match in seamlessly with their recent purchase of two new Duy/Mercedes 6 door Limousines & existing extensive eet of Duy/Mercedes Funeral Vehicles.

Lockdown accelerates move to online notices

The covid lockdown will be seen to have fast forwarded a lot of change in the funeral industry, particularly in technology.

At Funeral Times we have witnessed a sea change in the use of funeraltimes.com for death notices. With the lockdown accelerating the decline of newspapers and many people stuck in their homes using the internet, we saw records tumble in both the number of readers and their engagement with the site through sympathy notices and Facebook messages.

RIP.ie will also have seen a spike in traffic and reached new audiences who previously used printed media.

Funeral directors in the north have made funeraltimes.com an almost unique vehicle where close to 100% of death notices can be found and this has made it the go to site for death notices.

On 31st May funeraltimes. com brought to an end a six year relationship with Independent News and Media. The original idea for was funeraltimes.com to work with funeral directors in the north while Independent News and Media used the software to develop inotices.ie in the south using a shared database. We believe that arrangement has run it’s course and now intend to allow all funeral directors in Ireland to register with and use funeraltimes.com

There has always been a level of crossover in all border counties and the new freedom will allow funeral directors to access the site without restriction.

We will keep you in touch with future developments and if you have any queries or wish to place a notice contact us at notices@ funeraltimes.com

SOCIAL DISTANCING SIGNAGE

PLEASE KEEP 2 METRES APART. THANK YOU

Funeral Times will design, print and supply any signage necessary for your funeral home and office.

• Non-slip, fully washable floor stickers for social distancing • Washable plastic wall posters for bathrooms and sanitising stations • Outdoor and indoor banners • All can be customised to suit your company colours and incorporate logos where appropriate

CALL US ON: (028) 3835 5060 (048) from ROI

PLEASE KEEP 2 METRES APART. THANK YOU

Please Wait Here

To help protect yourself and others please wait here until a member of staff advises you otherwise.

PLEASE KEEP 2 METRES APART PROTECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS

Jaguar XF Limousine and Hearse by ‘Wilcox’

The Jaguar XF Limousine and Hearse is one of the latest new models manufactured by Wilcox Limousines.

The range is available with the option of either petrol or diesel engines. Included in the comprehensive specification is 8-speed automatic, Satellite navigation, Bluetooth, DAB stereo, alloy wheels, keyless start, soft close doors, cruise control, xenon lights with LED signature and heated seats.

The XF limousine, created utilising CAD techniques usually reserved for the Aircraft Industry has carbon fibre and aluminium panels, thus the vehicles will be long lasting and durable also, due to their lighter weight, fuel efficiency is increased. The limousine features extralong rear doors, for ease of access for the rear seat passengers. The interior width having been optimised by the subtle interior design, so that the limousine offers more practical interior space than the donor saloon.

For more information, please contact our Northern Sales Office on 01942 259860 or Southern Sales Office on 01753 480600.

Two new silver Jaguar XF Limousines together with a XJ Hearse about to be loaded into a covered transporter for delivery

Silver ‘Wilcox’ Jaguar fleet for Victoria House Funeral Service

Andrew, Apolena and Carl formed Victoria House Funeral Service in 2013. Having all previously worked for major groups in the funeral industry, they decided to set up their own business. They offer their services to the town of Hartlepool and surrounding areas. Professional funeral directors, they are members of BIE, FAS, NAFD and SAIF.

To help stand out in Hartlepool, they opted for a different colour to normal vehicles. They had the hearse and limousine fully repainted by ‘Wilcox’ as part of the vehicle preparation.

The vehicles came with a high specification including luxury leather, air suspension, large double deck, led lighting, satellite navigation, Bluetooth, heated seats and cruise control. Built from aluminium and fibreglass they offer excellent longevity.

Wilcox Limousines Ltd would like to thank Andrew, Apolena and Carl for their business and wish them every success.

Visit our new premises or go online for the latest products on offer!

View and order from our wide range of products online www.djmacneice.com

DJ MacNeice & Co. Ltd.

Unit 3, Union Road Business Park, Collooney, Co. Sligo F91 AKW5 Tel: (+353) 01 8828731 Email: sales@djmacneice.com

NEW DELIVERY - DUFFY COACHBODIES

Celine & Niall Mulligan of Heffernans Funeral Directors Trim, Co. Meath, collect a new Duffy/Mercedes 213 Series E-Class Hearse from the Duffy Coachbodies Factory in Dundalk. Niall was welcomed on site during the build and helped guide the development and install of a bespoke stretcher and trolley storage system in the new hearse. Celine & Niall Mulligan of Heffernans Funeral Directors Trim, Co. Meath, collect a new Duffy/Mercedes 213 Series Heffernans also took the option of a panoramic glass roof in their Hearse. E-Class Hearse from the Duffy Coachbodies Factory in Dundalk. Niall was welcomed on site during the build and helped guide the development and install of a bespoke stretcher and trolley storage system in the new hearse. Heffernans also took the option of a panoramic glass roof in their Hearse.

NEW DELIVERY - DUFFY COACHBODIES

Joseph Lannon of Lannon’s Funeral Directors, Skerries, meets with Gerard Duy of Duy Coachbodies to take delivery of the newest addition to Lannon’s eet, a 213 Series E-Class Hearse. Lannon’s opted for a panoramic glass roof which serves to improve the display of the co n and highlight the oral tributes. Joseph Lannon of Lannon’s Funeral Directors, Skerries, meets with Gerard Duy of Duy Coachbodies to take delivery FuneralTimes | 77of the newest addition to Lannon’s eet, a 213 Series E-Class Hearse. Lannon’s opted for a panoramic glass roof which serves to improve the display of the co n and highlight the oral tributes.

Making your business mobile with an app on your phone

Funerals, as well as weddings, church services and all sorts of other events are going on-line and funeral directors are coming under increasing pressure to provide the facility to their clients.

Whatever the future looks like, it is going to be significantly different than the past. In March we heard commentators, politicians and our friends speak of ‘getting back to normal’, very quickly that has moved on to talk of ‘the new normal’.

Once lockdown was imposed on the community it made traditional wakes, funerals, burials and cremations impossible and part of the solution was to stream services on the internet.

Many funeral directors have stepped up to the plate and called on the services of local specialists who can record or stream services. A good number of funeral homes and churches already have fixed cameras in place and an arrangement with

a streaming service to put their events on line.

However, these fixed cameras don’t help when funeral directors are asked to stream a service in the family home, or a graveside service. For these it is either necessary to engage a specialist or to try to stream off a mobile phone.

County Armagh man, Ryan McBroom was approached by a funeral director with the problem and was able to adapt an app which he and his company have been successfully using in schools across the country.

‘Our live streaming system is a unique product in Ireland. We offer not only live streaming from a fixed device but we can also provide a custom branded app that gives funeral directors the ability to stream directly from a mobile phone.

The app can also be used by the end customer to view the stream. The benefit of being able to provide both is that you then have full flexibility of what you want to stream or record, meaning the family can end up with a complete video containing recordings from the wake, the church service and the graveside’.

The streaming service has a number of important features including recording so that family who are attending the service can view later and retain for future use.

This is a low cost, simple option which can be easily operated by staff with minimal training.

Contact Ryan McBroom on 048 3886 8402 or r.mcbroom@bssolutions. co.uk for a no obligation demonstration.

NEW DELIVERY - DUFFY COACHBODIES

Donal Forde takes delivery of a new Duy/Mercedes 5 Door Hearse from Gerard Duy, the Hearse will complement their new Duy Limousine which they recently took delivery of this year along with their other Duy Funeral Vehicles. Fordes also opted for a panoramic glass roof on their new hearse.