A way forward. Letting go and making failure your friend.

IS THERE A LESSON?

Learning from failure can be the key to success. Asking yourself why you have fallen is a good place to start.

You’ll probably come up with things like: I’m too busy, I’m too tired, it’s the kids, the dog, work, the weather — the list goes on. It’s a great start, but I can assure you these are not the reasons — these are excuses. What you’re looking for is deep, honest answers to your question “why?”. Maybe you are doing something because you think you should, not because you really want to. Perhaps you’re just not motivated. Maybe it’s something else deeper. It’s critical that you’re absolutely honest with yourself. It will help you decide what actions to take.

ACCEPTANCE, LET IT GO

Acceptance helps us stand back from those damaging and mostly untrue stories that run through our minds.

After you have an understanding of what has happened, it’s time to accept where you are on your path. Make peace with the failure, let it go, and move on. Holding onto the past and the negative stories associated with it will only bring more suffering.

At this stage, it’s good to do some selfpampering to lift your spirits and give you time to rest and refuel. Give yourself time to heal and feel OK again.

IT’S NOT THE SIZE THAT COUNTS!

Set yourself easy goals because your purpose here is to build a new habit, not to become a guru or champion sports star by next month. Often, we set ourselves up to fail by creating lofty targets and unrealistic expectations.

You don’t need to meditate or exercise, for instance, for an hour each day; start with five minutes a day for a week, then ten the next week — slow and easy. Enjoy the process.

The good news is that humans are quite susceptible to forming habits, which I’m sure you’re all too well aware of. I am.

Rewards

Just like puppies, we respond well to rewards. Treat yourself when you complete milestones, like a week, a fortnight, a month, or a year.

Three important things to note here: make sure your rewards are not counter to your intentions, follow through with your rewards and make them proportional.

You will be impressed with how well a reward system can actually work.

Failures Are Not All Created Equal

You will still fail and fail and fail again. Thomas A. Edison once said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Becoming more comfortable with failing will mean that the negative feelings associated with it will have less hold over you.

As you try new things and push your boundaries, you will certainly encounter failures — some big, some small, and that’s OK! Keep working towards what you want; eventually, you will succeed, and if you don’t, there will probably be an opportunity to learn.

FAILURE IS A JOURNEY; SUCCESS IS NOT A DESTINATION

Challenging assumptions and asking questions about what things actually are can help ensure we are not stuck in habitual fixed thinking.

Things are rarely what we think they are. Is failure bad? Is success or perfection something that can really be achieved? I think the answer to both of those questions is no.

I like to remind myself that falling over is an integral part of life. Being kind is more important than success. Change happens in small increments, and often not usually flashy ones.