6 minute read
EVEN STRONG MAMAS NEED A HUG
need a cuddle EVEN STRONG MAMAS
FUTURE DREAMS AMBASSADOR AND SKY NEWS SPORTS PRESENTER JACQUIE BELTRAO HAS HAD HUGE SUPPORT ON SOCIAL MEDIA SINCE BEING DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER FOR A SECOND TIME. NOW JACQUIE’S DAUGHTER, AMELIA, REVEALS HOW SHE AND HER FAMILY ARE LOOKING AHEAD TO BRIGHTER TIMES
No daughter should ever have to see her mum battle cancer. Nothing prepares you for it – not even when she’s had it before. It can feel scary and lonely and as if nobody else in the world understands what you are going through. Waiting for the halfway review of Mum’s latest chemo treatment has been nerve-racking. But thankfully, the news is good. The doctors have confirmed that the treatment is working and we can begin to move on from our initial family trauma...
The day I found out my mum had breast cancer for a second time was a painful day. We were already aware that she had found a lump under her collarbone and was expecting a phone
MY GIRL: Mum and daughter now and then (left)
call from the doctor for the diagnosis. It was a Tuesday afternoon and I arrived home after seeing some friends. As I opened the door, I instantly sensed the ominous atmosphere. Mum was sitting on the sofa in the living room, hunched into her phone, making small,
feeble nods in response to whoever was on the receiving end. When she finished, she immediately ran upstairs into the office where my dad was working. By now, both my brothers had noticed something was wrong and we all crept upstairs to try to listen. We heard Dad say, ‘No! No! No!’
It took me right back to the first time Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was New Year’s Eve 2013, I was 16 and my brothers 13 and 12. Looking back, I realise that we were too young to appreciate the hardship Mum endured and that both our parents had tried to shelter us from the details of upset and initial trauma. Only later did we learn that Mum had actually been diagnosed on Christmas Eve. She and my dad had held back from telling us to avoid spoiling Christmas Day. I decided it was not going to happen like that a second time.
POWERFUL: Jacquie wearing the dress Amelia chose for her
The three of us burst into the room to find my dad comforting my mum, who was sobbing into his chest. In that moment, everything changed for me. None of my own problems or worries were relevant or worth considering. That woman became the sole focus of my life. Everything she had ever been for me, I now had to be for her.
I had to be her counsel, her rock, her chef, her driver, her best friend. I had to do anything and everything to let her know that she wasn’t going to be alone in this process.
That evening, while everyone else was in the living room, I went upstairs and found her in bed looking at her iPad. I climbed in beside her and together, cups of tea in hand, we watched her new TV series.
Tea soon became a frequent offer from the rest of the family. My brother, who isn’t a tea drinker, would often offer Mum a cup then quietly ask me how to make it. You find yourself looking to help with simple needs and requests – whether it’s keeping the kitchen surfaces clean, offering to make Mum’s lunch or picking up things from the supermarket. Anything to relieve her from small daily tasks.
I quickly assumed the role as co-head chef with my dad and was happy to take the responsibility. Mum was going to be having weekly chemotherapy for 16 weeks, so cooking would soon become out of the question for her.
I already had an interest in health and nutrition but it became even more critical to make sure Mum was eating substantially to help improve her energy levels and physical health. At the beginning of her treatment Mum decided she wanted to
adopt a keto diet, which complicated cooking as it meant no carbs or sugar. But it also encouraged me to explore new recipes and I began to hunt out obscure ingredients and healthy food alternatives.
One of the things I’ve learned since Mum’s diagnosis, is how difficult it can be to shift a person’s negative thoughts and block out the realities and fears that come with cancer and chemotherapy. As a girl and my mother’s daughter, I understand how significant hair can be for some in boosting self-confidence and morale. Seeing Mum’s hair begin to fall out didn’t bother me. What shattered me most was seeing how sad and despondent it made her. It’s easy for onlookers to say, ‘You still look great’ or ‘It doesn’t matter’, but hair is a part of our identity. I could see how cancer was physically dictating Mum’s life and it made me desperate to think of ways to try to cheer her up. With Mum’s keto diet, I couldn’t opt for a simple chocolate or wine solution. I had to think of ways to make her feel beautiful again.
During this time Mum was still working on TV, and was having to think of ways to dress smartly and cover her chemo port. I arranged for a delivery from Karen Millen and the box arrived one Saturday afternoon as Mum was curled up on the sofa. I’d selected two dresses – one red and one beige – for Mum to choose from. She went for the red dress – exactly the one I would have picked for her as it made her look powerful and vibrant. And many people on Twitter agreed!
Mum is the most intrepid and inspiring woman I know and she doesn’t need a dress to tell her that. But finding ways to remind yourself your life is so much more than cancer is the best thing you can do during treatment. Whether it’s buying new clothes, practicing yoga, educating yourself, or taking up a new hobby, the secret is realising that you were someone before you found out that you had cancer – and that you still are this incredible person who can achieve great things.
Beyond the tears of cancer and chemo, I’ve grown closer than ever to Mum. I’ve learned she’s more than just my mother, she’s a vulnerable human being who feels fear and anxiety and right now I want to do anything I can to relieve her burden. Even strong mamas need a cuddle.
The doctors have told us she’s come through the chemo better than anyone imagined – and for that she’s getting an even bigger hug.
