7 minute read
FLAT FRIENDS
Flat Friends www.flatfriends.org.uk
Hello
I’m Sarah Coombes. I’m 40 years old and live near King’s Lynn, Norfolk. I work full-time as a social worker having retrained after being diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 35. In my spare time, I’m a trustee of the charity Flat Friends UK and founder of flatterfashion.co.uk
Since my mastectomy without reconstruction, I’ve put all my energy into developing tips for dressing flat after single or double mastectomy. You can find them on my website or in Flat Friends’ patient booklet Living without reconstruction. Right now, I’m part-way through my Outflat fundraising campaign, sharing a daily selfie of what I’m wearing to raise awareness of day-to-day living and dressing without two breasts.
My story
It’s been said that being diagnosed with cancer is like sitting an exam in a foreign language that you haven’t had time to learn. We have to rely on our healthcare team to translate for us and we go online in search of exam tips.
In December 2014, after finding a small lump behind my right nipple, I was diagnosed with a fast-growing invasive breast cancer. I instantly declined the idea of reconstruction – even though my breast care team warned me I would be ‘very flat’ and wouldn’t be able to find nice clothes. The Breast Cancer Care patient booklet on clothes told me that women living without reconstruction who don’t wear prostheses could ‘disguise’ their chest by wearing scarves and loose fitting tops. I searched online: clothes that suit a flat chest; postmastectomy fashion; clothes without reconstruction; living and dressing flat and every configuration of those words you can imagine. A website about living flat had one page about clothing but frustratingly gave the same advice of baggy tops and scarves.
I was 35 and being told that if I didn’t reconstruct then I would need to spend the rest of my life concealing my body – as if the public shouldn’t be confronted by a woman without two breasts. Another thing that struck me was that there were only two varieties of living flat portrayed online, either needing to cover up or wanting to appear androgynous. A few months later I discovered the charity Flat Friends and realised that’s far from the truth. ‘Flat’ is the space where a breast once was, it’s not the whole of your chest or how you choose to present your chest to the world. All women living without reconstruction after a single or double mastectomy – whether they choose to wear prostheses always, sometimes or never – are ‘Living Flat’.
After many days and weeks scouring social media, I found two women in the UK and one in the US who were open about living flat and sharing photos of their daily lives without a strategically-placed scarf in sight. I genuinely thought we must be the only ones, that everyone else was hiding in plain sight or having reconstruction. I imagined I wasn’t the first woman to be in this position – doubting her gut instinct because of how we’re expected to look. I became concerned that some may agree to have reconstruction based on their team, cancer charities, or the internet telling them that the alternative will be unrecognisable and uninhabitable.
The thought that there may be women getting dressed each day in a cloak of secrecy, fearing that if they did not obscure their chest they risked offending society, inflamed an idea to create the resource I had been looking for. Within a couple of weeks of having my mastectomy I had worked out how to build a website and uploaded my first post: The One Where I Tried On Everything In My
34DD Wardrobe. I was having to start from scratch, working out which fabrics, styles, shapes, designs, seams and darts would flatter my new body shape.
The day before each chemo, I would use my short-lived energy to go to a high street store and try on clothes. I photographed and documented each discovery for my website and social media, while picking out themes and criteria that eventually became my list of fashion tips for dressing single or double flat chests. Just as ‘Living Flat’ is an inclusive term, so is ‘Dressing Flat’. Dressing Flat is not the preserve of those who have no breasts, and is not describing an attempt to appear flat. It’s what each of us does every day when we pick out which top or bra to wear.
After five years of mastectomy fashion blogging, I have compiled a wardrobe of clothes I feel comfortable and confident in. A huge variety of colours and prints, frills and ruffles, floaty and fitted. Everything from work wear, sportswear and evening gowns to swimming costumes and bikinis. Plus a padded crop top and a pair of Knitted Knockers! That doesn’t mean I don’t have days when I think nothing looks right and declare ‘I have nothing to wear!’ – that’s something that happens whether you have two breasts, one, or none
Most days I’m oblivious to my chest’s appearance – it’s my ‘normal’ and I’m comfortable in my body. Some days I’m acutely aware I don’t have two breasts and I’m sure everyone is looking at me, trying to work out what’s missing. But I don’t think you can tell that from my posts because online we are encouraged to share only our best moments – the enviable events, the picturesque location, an emotive attention-grabbing post or the perfect outfit – because they’re what get the most likes and comments.
I’ve never been your typical fashion blogger or Instagrammer. Rather than wanting to be an influencer, I just want to create practical content for women to use when they’re wondering if they’ll be able to wear a bikini, a smart work outfit or an evening dress if they don’t have reconstruction. The aim is to spare the next woman the initial groundwork and trepidation when navigating clothes shopping without two breasts by sharing the basic principles. The rest
– finding our own style and experimenting through trial and error – is something we each have to do as individuals, just as we did the first time round as young women working out what suited us and reflected our personalities. Over the past couple of years, it’s been exciting to see more women sharing their own flat style, either in the Flat Friends seasonal fashion blogs on my website or by starting their own personal Instagram accounts.
For five years I have shared my latest shopping trips, focused posts about swimwear or evening wear, or the occasional noteworthy outing or outfit. I don’t usually post on a daily basis but at the start of this year I set myself the challenge of sharing an unfiltered selfie every day – my ‘outflat’ outfits. I hope that by sharing 366 days of dressing without two breasts, others who are feeling self conscious will see that Dressing Flat isn’t about perfectly staged photos or needing to validate yourself to others. It’s the reality of picking out something to wear day-in, day-out
Finding clothes that you feel comfortable in, and looking at your reflection and recognising yourself looking back are the only things that matter. Don’t let your team, the internet or social media trick you into believing you need to completely re-imagine who you are or be taught how to dress yourself. Find inspiration from others, feel empowered to try different styles, and why not share what you discover to hearten the next woman searching for ideas?
As well as creating useful content I hope my #Outflat campaign will also raise money to support the work of Flat Friends UK, a charity that is dedicated to supporting women who have had single or double mastectomy surgery without breast reconstruction, including those who may face such decisions now or in the future. I am very proud to be a trustee of Flat Friends UK. We believe living without reconstruction is a positive outcome and work to normalise living without two breasts and providing support to women living flat, including those waiting for delayed reconstruction. Find out more at flatfriends.org.uk Sponsor my #Outflat campaign at https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SarahCoombes3
