Quench Issue 11 - 3 May 2004

Mental! Eternal e Sunshine of Mind Spotless

Executive editor Tristan Thomas Quench editor Alex Macpherson

Arts Lizzie Brown,Rachel Pegum Blind Date Kerry-Lynne Doyle Books Maria Thomas Columnists Riath Al-Samarrai,DCGates Debate Jess Webb Digital Gareth Lloyd,Simeon Rosser-Trokas Fashion Caroline Ellis,Perri Lewis

Features Vicky Corbett,Rhys James Film Mat Croft Food Mari Ropstad Gay Ian Loynd Going Out Katy Davies,Jenny Duxbury,Lisa Walkley Interviews Will Dean,Louis Grover,Rob Plastow Music Jamie Fullerton,Anthony Lloyd One Trick Pony James Anthony Photography Gemma Griffiths,Anastasia Nylund Travel Tim Clark,Laura Tovey

Contributors Sarah Ahmad,Sam Coare,Gary Andrews,Tim Alban,Greg Cochrane,Megan Conner,Sarah Cummins,Andrew Davidson,Fred Dibner,Jason Draper,Craig Driver,David Ford,Stephanie Fuller,Debbie Green,Charlotte Howells,Holly Howitt-Dring,Kris Ilic, Elgan Iorwerth,Dave Jennings,Janine Jones,Hannah Langfield,Emma Langley,Paul O’Hara,Laura Quinn,Natalie Slater,Nathalie Southall,Samuel Strang,Amber Sutton, Rob Telford,John Widdop

Assistant to the editor Elaine Morgan Cover design Mat Croft

Lex’s Law

ometimes,paying attention to the charts can throw up some nasty surprises. This year alone,the top 5 has played host to not one but two bunches of sub-Coldplay indie dullards,namely Snow Patrol and Keane; the album chart,meanwhile,stagnates in a state of semi-somnolence,with the terminally dull jazz-lite of Norah Jones and Jamie Cullum taking up permanent residence near the top.

What’s more perturbing than the idea of sentient human beings actually spending money on such drivel,though, is the way in which such acts have been held up as examples of “proper musicians” who will “save” the chart from “manufactured pop crap”.

The latter,of course,is a genre which “serious” (fun-hating,if you will) rock critics find extraordinarily difficult to praise - and when they do,the focus is inevitably on the production and samples,rather than the equally important singer. And it’s a critical trope which is lapped up by the student market,full of contempt for Britney and Xtina for their “fakeness” but seemingly oblivious to chancers such as Athlete and The Darkness being foisted upon them by, yes,record companies.

How muddle-headed is it to criticise a pop star for not being real,anyway? It’s the tension between the smoke and mirrors,image,persona and honesty which drives the best art; all musicians are part method actor,from Nick Cave to Prince to Avril Lavigne. None of these people are any more “real”than each other; their schticks just appeal to different people.

As for the perennial whines of “they don’t write their own songs!” and “they don’t play proper instruments!”,it’s hard enough believing that there are people left who take them seriously. There’s no valid reason for letting this affect one’s enjoyment of a song,and certainly neither is a pre-requisite to being taken seriously as an artist. Who would dream of criticising classical performers for such reasons?As opera singers such as Maria Callas knew,interpretation is as much an art as creation.

And ultimately,it’s “manufactured pop” which has provided 2004 with its best moments so far - as proved spectacularly by Britney Spears herself.

One Trick Pony

YAmber Duval Amber Duval

Carry on camping? Fair play,as long as you don’t look like Sid James

ou slap on the glittery make up,and Dirty Dancing is your favourite film ever – you know all the words,own the original and the ultimate soundtrack,and cry at the thought of Havana Nights. When you go out with your gay male friends to cocktail bars for a tasty Manhattan,you often get mistaken for their drag queen sidekick. But you’ve got real tits. Is it really possible for a woman to be camp?

In a culture were gender dichotomies are either/or,it’s easy to fall back onto stereotype. Men can be camp,yes,but that’s because they are men being ultra feminine. Right? So what happens when you’re female, but you love false eyelashes,Liza Minnelli and disco? What does that make you? Camp? Vamp? A “campess?” Or simply just a female?

I once knew a girl who claimed that she felt her most ‘feminine’ when she was baking,complete in a pinny and high heels. Fatuous as this sounds,I think this claim is directly related to her particularly unfortunate face: she looked like a bloke,so plied on the femininity. And bizarrely,it worked. Men couldn’t seem to get enough of her. But imagine a man claiming that he felt his most masculine when he was sipping a nice fruity Shiraz after a hard night’s cooking the latest Nigella Lawson recipe. Then you’d assume he was the campest man in the world (with the exception of bloody Dale Winton,obviously,who manages the mean feat of being camp,and completely devoid of charm).

It seems that you can either up the camp or try to play down being a

Glam rock revivals

One Elton John on this planet is enough. This slew of faux-glam bands is starting to grate just a little bit. The Darkness were amusing for five minutes,but this bunch of Salon rejects is enough to make you want to place an internet order for high-calibre weaponry and a telescopic sight. Do it properly,have a valid revival,and bring back Wizzard, Slade,and the mighty Kiss (ok,maybe not Wizzard). Bullshit posturing is no replacement for real rock cojones. Paddy Boom? Fuck off. Although the Comfortably Numb artwork is quite nice.

No way is this stuff made by men of the cloth. I think it’s made from Satan’s sweat. Weeks of cocaine abuse don’t compare to the comedown from one night on this stuff. Drink a bottle,and you will know how Hunter S Thompson feels on an ether binge. It’s like being trapped in the body of a drunk (Scottish) person – but fully alert,and able to observe yourself acting like a complete twat,losing all useful faculties,such as your legs,and the mobility of your fingers. On the other hand,it is probably intended to be drunk in small doses,rather than emptying an entire bottle down your throat in one evening,after a whole day of Oranjeboom abuse. You can tell it’s the end of term,eh?

The Week According to OTP:

R.I.P. GLC

...As they get signed to East/West Records. Cue ‘leisurewear’ everywhere,and mourn the loss of another cult classic...

woman and fall into the trap of becoming the ubiquitous and outspoken ‘ladette’. But frankly,ladettes are so passé,it may be good to get your frilly pink oar in now. Sex wise,as long as you avoid talking about your ideal marriage after the first snog,no one’s going to disrobe you as a camp lady – it seems women can be camp and get away with it. In fact,once you start with the ridiculous innuendo (since when was ‘ooh,matron’ a comeback?) and the love life discussion,complete with comfort Ben and Jerry’s,fur-trimmed rubber gloves and leopard print sofas,you may as well hold up your hands and admit that, female,male or other,you are camp –and proud.

And now that’s off your chest,why don’t you go and have a nice drinkipoo?

Atmosphere

Minnesota. Home of Prince,and possessor not only of 10,000 lakes,but some of the best hip hop you will ever hear. Atmosphere is one MC and one DJ. No pissing about, no gold rims,no wide screen TVs. Hip hop is such a gestalt entity,that this sort of stuff almost defies description,it’s that good. Terms bandied about like "trueschool",or "emo hip-hop" (nope,I’m not even close to kidding),just don’t do it justice. This is about as far from club bangers as you can get,without stepping into the angsty realms of the muchmaligned Sage Francis and the Anticon boys.

Peanut Butter

It takes more than 500 peanuts to make one 12oz jar of peanut butter. Now,if we only knew what the hell a "12oz jar" looked like,I’m sure that would be a fascinating fact. Peanut butter must be the most underrated foodstuff in the world. I’m not a shit cook,just pathologically lazy – food is fuel,not some poncey thing to be slaved over. Peanut butter on toast is one of the things that got me through uni,and as we roll to the end of the year,those of you who are leaving should spare a thought for the mundane things that helped you through. Yep,"peanut butter and Buckfast tonic – breakfast of champions". I think there’s a fresher special in there somewhere.

Buckfast Tonic

Sorely missed,the Lone Gunslinger’s tragic,untimely death from pancreatic cancer at age 32 is often regarded as a sinister conspiracy theory among his die-hard (‘scuse the pun) fans.

However,chain-smoking ("I go through two lighters a day") is a fast road to a tumour – Hicks used to do routines about hating non-smokers, then wondering out loud if he wouldn’t return someday,talking on stage through a hole in his neck. Eventually, the reality was worse.

Hicks was a forerunner for establishment-bashers like Michael Moore, using comedy to bring awareness of corporate corruption – illuminating truth,and exposing the ignorant. For all his ‘ranting’ (self-confessed),he never lost his sense of accuracy or perceptiveness. It was always directed at the deserving.

( L e g e n d ) ( T o s s e r )

Hicks was no exception to the ‘troubled comic’ persona,indulging his angry poet attitudes in drink and drugs. This addictive personality was soon to land him in trouble,but he never regretted his drug experiences (witness his hilarious skit about The Beatles trying to pull Ringo down off the ceiling because he was so fucked – "He’s got this song about a yellow tambourine,or something – look at him skoot!").

Rightfully lauded as a genius,Hicks’ acerbic irreverence was never sharper than when it was turned against America’s political economy. The collection of letters,lyrics and routines Love All The People is out now,and it is remarkable to see just how many of his sinister predictions are coming to pass. The Outlaw must be spinning in his grave.

This is all it takes to get a Turner prize nomination? Man,I’m getting my amateur porn out for next year’s competition; surely that’s got equal artistic merit – I might win a prize. As of Tuesday,this was frontpage news. Coming in a week when 52 foreign diplomats openly criticise the prime minister of this country -supposedly ‘highbrow’ broadsheet newspapers devote the majority of front-page space to a vacuous tart’s video portrait of a footballer with yeti arms.

"It’s almost transgressive in its intimacy". No,it’s transgressive in its affront to our fucking intelligence. That’s the only boundary that’s being pushed here. Ask yourselves what

Sam Taylor-Wood’s piece says about our society. I defended Tracey Emin’s filthy bed to people,but this is truly without merit in its sheer disposability. Art should push boundaries,and challenge thought processes. This sort of thing does not involve thought processes. Beckham. Asleep. That’s it. No denouement,no finale,no message. David Beckham. Asleep. ZZZzzz. But,hold on a sec. Is this piece what "art" is? One man’s pleasure is another’s poison? I see merit in Emin’s bed,and her weird,idiosyncratic poetry,yet all I see when faced with the idea of 107min of snoozing footballer is despair at the state of… something I can’t put my finger on. It’s sad,but then,is that the point?

“...Almost transgressive in its intimacy...”

"Idleness

is the enemy of

the soul ...they are truly monks when they live by the labour of their hands,like our fathers and the apostles"

(Rule of St Benedict,chapter 48)

– One of the reasons why the monks make Buckfast Tonic (aka liquid speed)...

final thoughts

( . . . )

T P 5

As Hicks said: “if you work in advertising,kill yourself.”

“It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want.It's only a choice.No effort,no work,no job, no savings and money -- a choice, right now,between fear and love.The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door,buy guns,close yourself off.The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.”

-- Bill Hicks

Comic version of The Outlaw: Bill Hicks,R.I.P.

Bad boys

Come on ladies...they drink,smoke,and relish casual sex! Do bad boys turn you on,or are you looking for Mr Nice?

Megan Conner FOR Jess Webb AGAINST

They’re the type who perv on the barmaid when you’re in the loos,get into fights after the footie and turn up late to the church on your wedding day (then get too pissed to shag you in the honeymoon suite). But let’s face it,bad guys are much better fun than nice guys. While Mr Nice Guy wants to stay in,watch a film and eat pizza,the bad guy is out getting drunk and doing something outrageous like skinnydipping or trolley bashing. If you ask me,busting to the kebab shop in a trolley beats having to share a margherita pizza (nice guys don’t like any interesting toppings) and put yourself through the missionary position for the hundredth time on a Saturday night. And despite nice guys’ ability to be deep and meaningful and tell you they love you,it only works for girls when they’re hormonal, not when they’re actually feeling sane and happy about life.

See,it all boils down to fun and games. Despite the bad boy reputation for playing games,using you for sex and messing up your head,really all they’re after is a simple life; having a laugh,and who can blame them? Just because they’re not like the ‘issue people’ (aka nice guys),who want to discuss their problems with you daily instead of just getting over it,it doesn’t mean bad boys have no feelings. Just because they act insensitively sometimes it doesn’t mean they’re total arseholes all the time! Besides,even if they are,at least you have more fun dumping them by substituting "You’re too nice" and "It’s not you,it’s me" for "You arrogant bastard" or "Go have a wank".

And anyway,are the bad boys really that different to us girlies? After all,we like to have farting and burping competitions (just in privacy),lead other men on and talk about sex constantly. We’ve even been known to cheat (shock,horror). It’s just that the guys are obviously too thick to work it out. So,it seems that compared to us, bad guys really aren’t that bad at all. They’re just a bunch of phonies who act crazy to impress their mates and us. Now that is definitely much cuter than wine and a candlelit dinner.

Is it just me or does anybody else understand the attraction with knob-heads who hang about doing nothing but stare at the PlayStation screen,drink ‘tinnies’ and read porn magazines? OK,they may be good looking,but hidden behind that sunbed glow (don’t believe that it’s natural) they have the manners and mental capacity of a twoyear-old rat. Why do us girls always end up fantasising about the lad who just oozes grief? Treat them mean and keep them keen... yes,they have perfected this to an art! Why do we ignore friends,family and our own better judgement in favour of these idiots? We love to hate them but, seriously,it’s time to stand together and be strong!

We’ve all been there - fallen head over heels in love with the archetypal player whose games and compulsive lying has left us sobbing along to Céline Dion,gorging on Dairy Milk and feeling like Bridget Jones. Even before you reach this dismal stage,there are the endless anxiety attacks because,let’s face it,a leopard never changes its spots! You know that he’s lying the minute he opens his mouth and waffles the same old crap. Save yourself the paranoia and cut all ties! It doesn’t matter how much you convince yourself that “he’s changed this time” or “she’s just his psycho ex-girlfriend”; deep down you know he’s a wanker who’s just enjoying the ride.

It’s time us girls fought back! Break away from his arrogance,pretentious designer gear and get yourself checked out for any STDs (God only knows where he’s been). Just because you don’t want the bad boy doesn’t mean you have to rush into the open arms of Mr Reliable/Boring! At the end of the day,who needs all the hassle and aggro at our age? It’s about finding a balance. Someone tamer than the likes of Colin Farrell (or the reformed nymphomaniac that is Michael Douglas),but more adventurous than Ronan Keating (aka grandad man). Just walk away from the bad boys (all they can really do is fart and perv on other girls) and the commitment freaks. Get yourself on a girls’ holiday and enjoy being young,free and single!

Write to rock

Music journalist Joel McIver lets Jason Draper in on a few industry secrets...

Joel McIver has written six books and his masterpiece Justice For All: The Truth About Metallica is out now (see www.joelmciver.co.uk). Joel told me about his career,offering insights for students interested in music journalism.

Your Metallica biography appears to be a culmination of years of experience. Have you created your magnum opus?

Of the six books I’ve written so far, the Metallica book is certainly the best. But I’ve got a few more in me,I think,including some wild fiction that will blow people’s minds,so I hope I can improve further.

I’m interested in the work you put into this. For instance,you conducted interviews from 1996-2003… Good question. One thing I can do is write fast and well; knock out good text in a short time that doesn’t require much editing. I was able to write this book in 12 months or so. It’s about 150,000 words long,which may sound a horrific amount if you’re struggling to finish a 10,000-word dissertation,but I didn’t approach it in one go – I broke it down methodically. As for the interviews,I did about 30

over the years with no intention of using them in a book,and the other 50 or so specifically for it.

So how did you get into a position where you could publish your first work?

I worked as a languages teacher for four years while building a portfolio of freelance articles for magazines. Then I got a job based on my freelancing and about six months later sent a proposal round the publishers. And that was that.

Most of your works are metal-based, yet there are some anomalies. Many would not think of Ice Cube as synonymous with Slipknot. Fair point! I just like music with energy. In that sense the link between extreme metal and gangsta rap is obvious. The key is just to write about what you like.

As you become better known,have you more choice over your subjects? Yes,because more publishers approach you with offers. I’ve turned down a few books in the last year,a concept I could never have imagined when trying to get my first book published!

For students who have a book in them,what advice would you give on approaching publishing companies? Most people don’t know that it’s quite easy to get published – I’m not joking. Make sure you have a killer idea for a book which will sell. Then get the Writers’ And Artists’ Yearbook and send a coherent,short proposal to the editor of whatever publishing house you choose. Don’t be put off: if one rejects your idea,there are 200 more. One thing: if you have any spelling errors in your proposal,you’re screwed. Proof-read your work very carefully.

And how would you suggest dealing with the print media?

The way to get commissioned for magazines is to suggest ideas to the editor – persevere long enough and it will happen! Keep the flow coming,be politely insistent and always be professional: an editor will respect you more if you take your twentieth rejection in your stride than if you sulk. Also,make sure you know your stuff: they respect expertise and actively seek it out.

Finally,how do you see the future of music journalism? It’s easy enough to start a magazine but not to sustain it. Is it still a relevant and growing industry?

Yes it is. There will always be a need for experts who can write. If you know your subject and your literacy is acceptable,you’re likely to get in. Like I said,keep persevering.

Joel McIver’s Justice For All:The Truth About Metallica is reviewed on p28

Joel with Tom Araya from Slayer

WESHSXISYZWFHDKS DCIAENXHIYDIOIEUFN BCILGISENEAKNQSKD XWHZAITWESHSIWHO MXNLDXSMZEMAN?S LPIUIELKSDIHCEXADB

Emma Langley considers how dyslexia need not impact on sufferers’ studies in university

My boyfriend’s name had three letters in it. It is not particularly difficult to work out which order they go in. Normally. But while carefully making letters out of chocolate buttons to go on a birthday cake, Joe became ‘Jeo’.

It wasn’t that I was especially tired, not thinking or being ditzy. Sometimes the squiggles and scrawls known as letters do not represent,in my mind, the sounds they are meant to.

Between 10 and 15 percent of the population is thought to be dyslexic; four percent of these are severe cases. According to the British Dyslexia Association,dyslexia is “a difference in the brain area that deals with language. It affects the underlying skills that are needed for learning to read, write and spell. Brain imaging techniques show that dyslexic people process information differently.”

It is impossible though to use one definition to encompass what is a complex subject. Not only are there are conflicting explanations and theories for almost every aspect of dyslexia,but the condition varies considerably from person to person,both in symptoms

and severity. Common symptoms can include explicit literacy difficulties (such as mis-reading and erratic spelling) to general problems with the organisation of thoughts,time,work and sequences. Dyslexia has also been linked with conditions such as dyspraxia,ADD and Asperger’s syndrome.

It is not all bad,though. Dr Ron Davis,an influential specialist and director of Davis Dyslexia Association International,has advocated a different approach to dyslexia. The result of his research is the book The Gift Of Dyslexia. In it he argues that famous dyslexics such as Einstein,Leonardo da Vinci and Churchill were able to achieve what they did not in spite of their dyslexia but because of it.

Dyslexia is ‘a perceptual talent’. It occurs when the mind experiences disorientation; the dyslexic mind subconsciously uses disorientation to perceive multi-dimensions resulting in “a creative imagination… intuition,inspiration and invention.”

In severe cases of dyslexia,sufferers can experience difficulties learning to read and write in childhood,dramatically hindering academic progress. Dyslexics at university level are not

likely to fit into this category,since they would have made it through the school system. Yet up to 40% of dyslexic students at Cardiff are diagnosed when they come to university as opposed to being tested at school.

Kate Dresser,head of Cardiff University’s Dyslexia Resource Centre, attributes the number of registered dyslexics at university to a combination of factors such as “above average ability and ‘mild’ dyslexia that would not have been perceived as a difficulty at school.”

The demands of university standard academic work are different to those at school. The degree to which students are supposed to work independently means that strategies that have served the sixth former are now inadequate. Whether students are already diagnosed as dyslexic or not,the problems experienced tend to be similar. Not keeping up with reading,disappointing grades,feeling swamped and not coping with work are some of the symptoms.

The Resource Centre staff meet students from a broad range of academic subjects. However,there are likely to be differences in the types of problems encountered within different degrees. Essay-based subjects may require a greater degree of competence with spelling,grammar and punctuation,

because style and content carry similar proportions of marks.

Yet no two dyslexics experience exactly the same problems; every individual has their own difficulties and strengths. Mrs Dresser added that different academic disciplines,and their literacy requirements,are difficult areas to research because accepted literacy standards vary considerably depending on the writing task.

Dyslexic students are often known because they have managed to ‘blag’ a free computer. Mine is invaluable; without it I would be spending hours in the library,printing out copy after copy,finding more mistakes each time.

is at least not so illegible to me. Just by writing the dates and page numbers my notes are in a logical order,so that my written or typed work can follow a similar pattern.

Seeking help,whether you are already diagnosed or not,can raise other issues. There is still a stigma surrounding the DSA and asking for help. At primary school,a special needs teacher would not seem out of place. At university there is an embarrassment factor to seeking help with writing, and arranging it off your own back.

After a ‘needs assessment’ has been carried out,the Dyslexia Resource Centre applies to the student’s LEA for equipment on behalf of the student. Among the software packages is textHELP,which operates on the basis that it is easier to hear that what you have written is not what you mean to say than it is to see it. The Mavis Beacon touch-typing programme and presentation software such as Project and Inspiration are also available.

Aside from technology,there are other items that make a difference. Not only does the world look more pleasant when it’s purple,but coloured overlays make text clearer. When my giant white board is not being used for obscene drawings by my housemates,it makes essay planning easier. There is more space in which to organise erratic and disparate ideas. Otherwise these are illegibly crammed onto an A4 sheet. Arrows and crossings out add further to my brain’s confused state.

What my tutors and lecturers view as a coherent argument that unfolds “in a convincing and rational manner” is at odds with the natural workings of my brain. Therefore someone actually sitting down and explaining why my essays are illogical made a huge difference.

There are many organizations that provide help. Study skill strategies,tailored to meet an individual’s particular needs,are useful. The Dyslexia Resource Centre offers revision workshops and individual sessions. The Counselling Service Writing Centre in ENCAP also offer support. I found that basic things like note-taking and file organisation skills made a huge difference.

While most of what I write in lectures is still totally illegible to anyone else,it

Mrs Dresser told me that many students “are reluctant to take up the ‘help’ they are entitled to… they don’t want to make a fuss, have unfair advantages,be perceived as different from other students and be subject to teasing and jealousy over having a free computer and extra time in exams.”

So how do you make it a level playing field without giving actual or perceived unfair advantages? Assessment can be a major area of contention. Generally dyslexics have 25% extra time in examinations,but procedures differ with the level of severity. In severe cases students are permitted an exam reader who ensures that they understand the wording of the questions and/or a typist who will ensure that their script is legible for marking.

The extra time in examinations is valuable partly because it acts as a de-stressing mechanism. You know you can have time to read through work and correct it at the end. The stress involved in written work can exacerbate dyslexia symptoms further. The nature of dyslexia means that in some cases you can’t tell if a word is the wrong word or in the wrong order. At marking level, dyslexic scripts are not always identified,but at exam-board reviews they can be.

a major requirement. While it is important that I meet these requirements,my dyslexic brain functions in a way that makes additional help necessary to give me the tools that enable me to meet academic requirements. To use a well-coined phrase,it is the equality of opportunity as the ideal fair medium.

Dyslexia is no life threatening illness, but has the potential to cause issues with employment after university. In the politically correct society we live in,all those job or work experience forms that most of us painstakingly fill in contain boxes that have to be ticked to identify disability.

Perhaps the problem is boxes. Dyslexia is an impossible condition to put in a box. Do I consider myself disabled? No,not on a relative scale. In the field I want to work in,would employers consider my dyslexia as a disadvantage,and therefore a disability? That is an entirely different question. If dyslexia is mild,there may never be serious issues,but this is completely dependent on the job.

The reluctance to seek help is often due to a sense of pride and achievement,as well as influence from peers. Dyslexics want to achieve academic merit in exactly the same way as their peers,even if they have to work much harder. Is this brave and admirable,or just foolish? Probably a combination of the two. To be given too many concessions would be to devalue the achievement of a degree.

I study a subject where every single punctuation mark is penalised if it is out of place. This is only right because the ability to write to a high standard is

Employers today are increasingly under pressure to make adaptations in the work place for the disabled,but there is a line between discrimination and not having the ability to do the job because of the nature of the tasks involved. Only ‘severe’ dyslexia is covered in the 1995 Disability Discrimination Act and this has never been tested by case law. Whether we choose to call dyslexia a condition,disability,difficulty, gift or special way of thinking,it is certainly not incompatible with university. It is impossible to guess what repercussions,if any, dyslexia will have for every graduate. While dyslexia is not a curable condition,it is good to know that ways, means and strategies exist.

The Dyslexia Resource Centre: Email: dyslexia@cardiff.ac.uk Website: www.cf.ac.uk/ssd/dyslexia Phone: 02920 875428

The British Dyslexia Association: www.bda.uk.com

Adult Dyslexic Association: www.futurenet.co.uk/charity/ado

Freaky festivals

Summer’s coming! Time to relax with friends,drink beer,enjoy some music - and at festivals you get to do all three at once! But not everyone has the same idea of what constitutes a good time.

So in the first of our series on festivals, Laura Quinn shows you some of the weirdest.Let the cheese rolling begin!

So: you’ve got the rest of the year ahead of you,you’ve done the hippie thing at Glastonbury,worn the T-shirt from Reading,and soaked up the commercialness of the music at V,but have you ever thought about getting a bit of culture into your un-cultured McDonald’s eating student lives? If so,read on.

Cheese rolling

Cheese: God’s gift to students. In toasties,in burgers,you name it, we’ll have it with extra cheese, ‘cause lets face it,we just can’t get enough! Well,students,I have found your haven. It is the Cooper’s Hill cheese rolling contest,and it takes place on the last weekend of the month of May in Gloucestershire. Imagine a 300-yard green hill,hundreds of people gather around witnessing the lunatic asylum escapeetype peoples rolling - yes,I said rolling - down the hill after a big block of extra mature cheddar. Blood (last year there were several head injuries),madness and cheese,the student’s best friend… what more could you want? And the best thing is,if you get brain damaged enough to actually catch the cheese,you get to keep it…

The Art of Burning Man

If dairy carnage isn’t so much your thing,and you’re an arty type,we have a little treat for you as well. It goes by the name of The Art of Burning Man and it takes place in the middle of the Nevada desert, surprisingly. This art fest is due to be held between the dates of August 30 and September 6 and it involves over 23,000 people coming

together,frying their asses off and presenting art works to each other in a "natural environment".

Culminating in the burning of an effigy in relation to nature,the art is real,raw and exciting. You will find everything from a 40-foot long shark car to small sand art; it’s the beauty,not the size that matters here. Though the really exciting part is finding out how fried people get in this kind of weather: ”And to present my next piece,I call this ‘the lobster’...”

Body painting

So,lobsters are not your favourite dish,but art is? Well next up we have the body painting festival that takes place in the absolutely stunning setting of Lake Millstatter, Austria. As the name suggests this festival is for body artists who want to express their ‘creativity’. And creative they are,producing everything from the brash to the sublime; one minute you have a naked body,and the next the body is wearing clothes. Painted on,of course. However,just try to avoid rainy weather if on a drunken escapade you somehow end up dressed up in ink,and remember it is Austria; those lederhosen do have a double meaning,you know.

Nude Olympics

Wondering why there aren’t any nude suggestions yet? For you perverts out there,there is the exciting opportunity to visit the Nude Olympics in the town of Flagstaff,USA. The excuse for this kind of behaviour is that the ancient Greeks held the Olympics in the nude. However,realistically,the Greeks wore hardly any clothes anyway,they couldn’t just wander down to H&M,so this seems more of an excuse to see athletic bods in their birthday suits (although I wouldn’t complain).

Apparently everyone goes: students (that’s where you come in),teachers (so that’s where your lecturer got his oh-so-bronzed tan from),COPS. My goodness,what is this world coming to? Events include the likes of a "sun lounger event" alongside a tug-o-war, and the president,Mr Titmus,still has the nerve to claim that the nude Olympics is a "family event… a little bit of fun." He does admit it is a bit "tongue in cheek",though. Yes,Mr Titmus,I don’t know what kind of family you are from,but I doubt it is tongues in cheeks that people are looking at…

Camel Wrestling

Aha! you big slobbering piece of desert horse! Think you can take that attitude with me? Well,why don’t I wrestle you to the ground and afterwards celebrate by rubbing myself up against the nearest man? This,and more,is generally what you can expect from an event that originated in Turkey after what was probably a neighbourly quarrel over the

price of a wife. Apparently camel wrestling is more akin to comedy than blood sport,and for good reason. There is nothing more laughable than a dozen or more men being run down by an enraged double hump,teeth gabbering like an over-60. If it’s your thing, just get yourself to Turkey and find an argument.

Edinburgh Festival

For the more prudish (and perhaps more sane) of you out there,there is the Edinburgh festival. This is a little closer to home,being in Scotland. It takes place from the August 15 to September 4,and is very cultural with the likes of the San Francisco Ballet, who performed there last year,and includes activities like music,theatre and dance. Realistically though,this is just an excuse to have a bit of the oldknees up with the pissed men in skirts. Or maybe that’s not such a good idea…

There are many,many more that we cannot mention here from all corners of the planet. To mention a few,the Thailand tattoo festival. Wine throwing in Spain. The Italian ugly festival. Japanese penis festival. And gurning is bound to be found in Devon or Cornwall.

In the next issue,Travel Desk covers music festivals and give you all the Glastonbury and Reading alternatives and guides to survival!

Travel 11

Dates for the calendar

If you’re thinking of going,here’s some dates for festivals coming up this summer.

Cheese rolling,Monday May 31, Gloucestershire.

The Art of Burning Man,August 30September 6,Black Rock Desert, Nevada.

World Body Painting festival,July 2025,Seeboden,Austria.

La Tomatina,August 24 (last Wednesday),Bunol,Spain.

Edinburgh Festival,August 15September 5,Edinburgh,Scotland.

Camel Wrestling,January,Selcuk, Turkey.

For the Nude Olympics,go find your nearest nymphomaniac. If you can’t afford one just yet,emotionally or not,just head to either flagstaff.

For a free information pack and application form please contact

02920 359500

www.victoriahall.com email: cardiff@victoriahall.com

Caretakers on site

24 hours a day

Door entry system and CCTV security

Television & Sky package included in each flat

Fully furnished & equipped self contained flats

On site management office

Direct dial telephone in each flat

All bedrooms have en-suite shower and toilet room

Location within 5 minutes walk of Universities Laundrette on site

Thoughtthe Atkins Diet only worked for your mum?Think again. Amber Sutton offers you a student’s view on Atkins

A student’s guide to Atkins

We live in a culture driven by the idealisation of celebrities,from what they wear to how they look,to who is in and who is out. It is not surprising therefore,that when a celebrity endorses a product or diet we become consumed with the ideals it projects,and the lifestyle it will bestow on us.

The Atkins Diet is the latest fad in this chain,receiving praise from celebrities such as Jennifer Aniston and Renée Zellwegger while fuelling threats of litigation from Catherine Zeta-Jones. With the waif-like slinkyness that accompanies the Hollywood physique we mere mortals are often reluctant to follow suit,fearful of having to give up our weekly tipple,comfort food,and not least the old favourite Sunday roast! Yet an estimated three million Britons are following this celebrity diet,with around 85% believing it to be effective and 70% recommending it to others. What’s it really like to be on it, though? Is it all mounds of fat and meat,with (scary thought) no carbs at all? I have been following the diet since January when,like the rest of the Christmas revelling nation,discovered that I could not fasten my trousers after too much festive spirit turned into too many inches on my waistline. My mother has always been a firm believer in the diet so with much trepidation and one too many

irritable stomach aches I embarked on my return to Cardiff. It was going to be tough: the exams were about to begin, I had a mountain of essays to write, and it was January,my least favourite month of the year.

The book is long,like a big noveland you really don’t want to read a novel before you can understand how to follow a diet. This isn’t Weight Watchers; you can’t go to a club and have an overweight woman at the front tell you what to do,what to eat, and how fat you are. You’re on your own. No moral support,no late night kebabs (unless you throw away the pitta,and grill the man in the takeaway in your best drunken slur about the sugar content of the sauce he is drizzling over your greasy meat),and I am sorry but no beer! That’s right; the carb content of a beer is 13.2 grams, which to any Atkins devotee is like presenting a kosher Jew with bacon. However,for the first two weeks of the diet you are not allowed to drink anyway,as the body burns off alcohol first. So while you may not put any weight on,the chances are you won’t be losing any either.

The first two weeks are difficult; it’s like a permanent hangover as your body detoxifies itself and gets rid of all the carbohydrates it is used to burning. This is why the carbohydrate intake for the first two weeks is limited 20 grams a day. You can see now why beer is out of the question. A typical day in this Induction stage includes a breakfast such as omelette with grilled bacon and tomato; lunch could be a chicken salad or cheeseburger (no bun of course) with salad,while for dinner you are encouraged to enjoy your

favourite meat with fresh vegetables and have a sugar free jelly with cream for dessert.

Contrary to popular conception,fruit and vegetables are not banned on this diet,but for the first two weeks fruit is excluded due to its natural high sugar content. Certain vegetables such as carrots and parsnip are also excluded as they are high in starch,termed by the Atkins diet as “fatty carbs”.

As the diet progresses you are allowed to gradually increase your carbohydrate intake. The Ongoing Weight Loss Stage allows carbohydrate intake of between 25-40 grams per day to slow down the weight loss. At this stage berry fruits can be included,and more vegetables chosen. The third stage,Pre-Maintenance,occurs when you are a few pounds within your goal weight,and again carbohydrate levels are increased by 10 grams per weeks. At this stage other fruits such as kiwi and grapefruit can be added,along with whole grains. The final stage is called Life Maintenance and is activated once you have achieved your goal weight. The aim here is to find your individual carbohydrate level so that your weight remains consistent. This can be anything from 40 grams a

day to 120 grams depending on age, metabolism or activity level.

The initial problems I encountered here were partly due to a very distinct lack of organisation. I don’t do mornings,and the notion of trying to prepare a cooked breakfast before flying out of the door for a morning lecture is alien to me; morning lectures are bad enough on their own. Thankfully, shops are catching on to the purchasing power of three million Atkins followers and there is now a range of low carb fruit and cereal bars stocked in Boots and Superdrug,perfect for staving off mid-lecture hunger pains.

Going out for lunch is not too much of a problem either,with many bars and restaurants offering a wealth of salads and main courses suitable for the no pasta/rice/bread/potato patron. Ha Ha Bar and Canteen in particular now have Atkins-friendly portions of their menu,Sandwiched in the City (located inside Dominions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Arcade) also offers an Atkins platter, and beer lovers fear not - Lloyd’s wine bar has launched low-carb beer! What about chocoholics? Well,I fall into this category and was delighted to discover that diabetic chocolate is allowed as it has no added sugar,but instead uses sweetener.

The one thing the diet has really taught me is to be more aware of what I am eating. Often you pick up items that on the surface appear to be healthy,but a second inspection of the ingredients reveals added sugar, or sucrose as it is often disguised. We now consume mores sugar in our diets than ever before in history and for diabetics the Atkins has proven a popular choice due to its exclusion.

A quick search on the internet reveals countless sites dedicated to a low-carbs lifestyle where people share recipes on everything from main courses to tempting cakes and biscuits you don’t have to feel guilty for eating. It also provides a place for buying low-carbs foods such as protein bread and pasta. However,at approximately £5 an item it’s probably best left for the diet’s more affluent followers.

The recent bad press on the diet appears to not have detracted the fans. Claire O’Sullivan,manager of Sandwiched in the City has not seen a drop in sales of her Atkins platter since the criticisms surfaced,and has noticed a surge of interest with customers writing to thank her for introducing the option to her menu. Cereal brand Kellogg’s have announced that they are considering adapting their range to include a low carbs option,and bread sales have seen a decrease between 1.5 and two per cent over the last three

Cookery Corner

Food

years. If anything,recent criticisms highlight producer fears,that their product is being viewed by many as “fat”.

Allegations of the Atkins being bad for your health have so far proven inconclusive,but small scale studies have found that those on the Atkins diet have higher levels of the good cholesterol HDL,lower levels of triglyceride,a fatty blood acid,and improved responses to insulin.

My own experience has seen a marked increase in my energy levels as I no longer have an afternoon sandwich,or big plate of pasta for dinner. I no longer feel the need for an afternoon nap when I return from lecturers,and surprisingly I haven’t missed a morning lecture,yet.

On a night out,to my utter relief, vodka has no carbs! Neither do whisky,tequila,brandy or gin etc. No alcopops though; these probably contain more sugar than Coke. Instead, diet drinks are allowed.

The only times I have fallen off the wagon,so to speak,are on those dreaded hangover days when you can’t even summon up the energy to put the kettle on. Nothing but a McDonald’s will sort that one out; just don’t tell my Mum!

Chicken with Bacon,Cream and Thyme

Amber Sutton demonstrates that all is not carrots and celery on the Atkins Diet

4 boneless chicken breasts (with or without skin)

1 clove garlic,minced

8 slices of bacon

Equal quantities of chicken stock and double/whipping cream (depending on how much sauce you like)

Salt and pepper to taste

Lightly salt and pepper chicken breasts. Wrap two pieces of bacon around each chicken breast and tuck two sprigs of thyme behind the bacon. Heat oil in a frying pan and place chicken breasts bacon side down in the pan and cook until brown. Turn over and cook other side. Drain the fat and add stock,cream and garlic. Bring to the boil and place in the oven.

Bake for 15-20 minutes uncovered until the cream has thickened,then season to taste.

Serve with swede,cooked like a roast potato,and green vegetables such as broccoli and green beans.

Net carbs per serving: 188

Sunrays in a bottle

However real the dangers of skin cancer,that’s not what stops me from baking in the sun to achieve the universally desired golden glow,it’s the fact that no matter how long I roast under the sun,I remain a dazzling shade of white. Eventually I turn red, then after much pain do I turn to a sun kissed brown? Nope. I’m still white.

So with a little help from beauty therapist Jacqui Rowe,it’s time to hit the bottle. The fake tan bottle, that is. Having progressed from its tangerine-effect origins,self-tan now lines numerous shelves in Boots. To avoid looking like you have been tangoed,choose a tan that includes green pigment; strange but true! Whatever product you choose, according to Jacqui,the trick to getting a natural sun-kissed effect is all about preparation and application. Just slapping it all on will leave telltale streaks and nightmare orange palms.

1. Jacqui recommends waxing rather than shaving before fake tanning. This way you will remain free from stubble for the duration of your tan. However,make sure you wax at least 24 hours before as open pores can cause tan-dotted legs!

2. Next, exfoliate and moisturise, moisturise,moisturise . Start hydrating your skin a week before you

No need to cover up, Charlotte Howells has the student guide to becoming a bikini stunner

want to apply the tan to ensure an even colour. Exfoliators don’t need to be pricey; rub down with a supermarket olive oil and sea salt mix to make your skin super silky. Pay most attention to the dry areas of skin: knees,hands,elbows and feet. Moisturise these areas religiously to avoid dark streaks.

3. The application: apply methodically to avoid missing patches, slather moisturiser on dry areas and parts of the body that don’t naturally tan as much like your inner arm. This stops you looking unnaturally brown. Get help with your back; find someone who can resist the temptation to write amusing words across your skin. When tanning your face, protect the hairline and eyebrows with a covering of Vaseline to stop them turning orange.

After your application sweating, jewellery and tight clothes are a nono until your tan has developed. Try not to get wet; washing your hands or going in the rain can wash off the colour. To keep your golden glow for as long as possible moisturise every day and exfoliate regularly so the tan fades evenly.

Top Tanning Tips

1. Before fake tanning try putting cuticle oil and clear polish on your nails to prevent tell-tale stains.

2. If it all goes wrong,rub fresh lemons and exfoliate streaks to help bleach and remove dark patches.

3. Don’t apply deodorant while the tan is developing - it could turn green! Self-tan at night time to avoid stinking.

4. Wear latex gloves to avoid staining your hands orange when you apply fake tan.

Recommended fake tans:

Save L’Oréal Sublime Bronze (from £7.99). Try the handy and quick-drying aerosol spray for an easy and even application.

Spend St Tropez mousse (from £20). The mousse version of the original celeb tan is less messy, and still gives you a deep,golden tan.

The hair guys don’t want...

Which is the

best way to fight the fuzz? Charlotte Howells goes through agonising pain to discover which hair removal methods are the best for those wanting to bare all this summer. On trial were ease of use cost effectiveness and the pain factor

Waxing: If you need super smoothness 24/7,waxing is not for you as growing the hairs long enough to wax (5mm) demands covering up for 2 weeks. A quick warning: home waxing can get messy. Hot wax sticks like glue so try dusting talc on your skin pre-wax to prevent it sticking to and ripping off your skin. Afterwards,use oil-based products to remove any residue; try inexpensive baby oil. Waxing can be painful,therefore it’s difficult to bring yourself to tear your own hair out. Try enlisting a ruthless friend to rip off the strips; the quicker the better. Jacqui Rowe,beauty therapist,recommends getting a professional wax before you attempt to DIY to see how it should be done. If you can’t afford salon prices, colleges with a hair and beauty department usually have their own salon with extra cheap fees.

Recommended: Boots liquid wax roll-on (£6.99). Microwaves in seconds and there’s a handy heat indicator on the rolling-top bottle.

Verdict: Time consuming and sticky,but the longer lasting results (up to six weeks) means that waxing is cheaper than it seems.

Epilators: These are very,very painful (nicknamed the machine of death by one hair remover). They grab hairs with scary looking rotating tweezers and brutally yank them out. It only removes hair over 0.5mm,so your legs won’t be completely smooth,but on the plus

side hair won’t grow back for up to month. Although expensive to buy,you only have to fork out once and it does get less painful with time. Like waxing, hairs grow back slower,thinner and silkier. Epilators are easy to use; just plug in and go.

Recommended: Try the Phillips satinelle epilator (£39.99). Best of all, if it hurts too much,they give you your money back!

Verdict: Cost effective for long-term use,but demands dedication and a high pain threshold.

Shaving: Quick,easy and relatively painless (although shaving cuts do sting like hell!). Shaving may seem like the cheapest option,but it’s not. The cost of all those razors,blades and shaving foam can add up and it’s easy to get through a lot as stubble grows back quickly and spiky.

Recommended: Quench favours the gorgeous pink Venus razor for perfectly preened pins (£4.99). For baby-soft skin and fewer cuts try Botanics shaving oil.

Verdict: Deceivingly expensive for shortterm smoothness.

Whatever method you choose,combine it with one of the new hair inhibiting moisturisers; personally,I like the King of Shaves hair minimising spritz (£6.99). This quick drying spray claims to slow the growth of hair,making it softer and finer - worth a go!

For more information visit www.treatsbeauty.co.uk.

...and the hair they do

ghd now do straighteners for blokes. Enough said.

This latest addition to the ever expanding ghd range may be significantly smaller than the traditional models,but there hasn’t been such a dramatic drop in price. They retail at a costly £89 so will probably only be snapped up by the more fashion-conscious gentleman.

With the extra slim shape,they are ideal for short spiky hair and can really help enhance a good cut.

Hairdressers have been using them on men for years but it is only recently that your average man-on-thestreet has cottoned on to the benefits of a good heating iron. Fashion Desk would love Cardiff guys to give it a go; if you don’t fancy forking out just yet,borrow your girlfriend’s/sister’s pair and see what they do to your barnet.

Playing Politics: Randerson, Goodway, Berman

Is

our

local government playing politics with gay rights? Quench investigates

By Ian Loynd

Advertising giants coined the phrase ‘pink pound’ when they realised that gay men were more likely to have a large disposable income. This resulted in a shift of business effort to attract the gay community and encourage greater spending.

Now it seems that government is after the gay vote. The promotion of equality rights attracts the interest of the voting public and,as such, demonstrating support for the homosexual community has become quite the political fashion.

But should support for gay rights become a tool for securing political power? In Cardiff,at least,our elected leaders seem to think so.

The Randerson lie

Jenny Randerson is the Liberal Democrat Assembly Member for Cardiff Central.

During investigations into a separate article, Quench asked Randerson, "What has your party recently achieved for gay rights?" She explained that approximately one year ago,two proposals were made to Cardiff County Council by the Lib

Dems - the first to recommend the repeal of Section 28 of the Local Government Bill,and the second to propose the introduction of a register of civil partnership in the city.

She alleged that these motions were voted down. She further alleged that it was the Labour members of the Council who did not approve the motions,which "surprised" her.

Prior to sending this shocking news to print, Quench sought the minutes of the meetings of the Committee of the Council from October 1999 and

“She should be ashamed and concentrate on Assembly issues”

Councillor

Neale on Randerson

December 2001. These documents show that in fact both motions were approved by the Council,although the votes themselves were unrecorded.

Councillor Gareth Neale,leader of the Conservatives for the Council,told Quench: "She should be ashamed and concentrate on Assembly issues."

With a general election only one year away,and a Liberal Democrat challenging Russell Goodway for lead-

ership of the Council,perhaps Randerson thought her comments would aid their chances.

At the time of going to print,Ms Randerson had failed to comment.

The Goodway-Berman saga

The leader of the Liberal Democrat Opposition for the Council,Rodney Berman,has recently accused Council Leader Russell Goodway of making homophobic remarks about him on the BBC political programme, Dragon’s Eye

Councillor Berman had suggested to the BBC that Goodway had been residing in a house in the Vale of Glamorgan and not in his Ely constiuency. Presenter David Williams asked Goodway,"Where will you be sleeping tonight?" It is alleged that Goodway replied by suggesting Mr. Williams would be "better off asking Councillor Berman where he would be sleeping,and who he would be sleeping with."

Goodway has since added,"I spend more time in Cardiff than Rodney Berman does,he’s always up in London. Is that where his boyfriend lives?"

Council Leader Goodway denies his comments were homophobic and descibes Berman’s claims as "bizarre" and "simply not true”.

He told Quench,"This is clearly a case of not the mouth it came out of but the minds it went into." He claims that he did not say that the interviewer would be “better off" asking who Councillor Berman was sleeping with but that "If it is important to know where I am sleeping tonight,it must be important to know where Rodney Berman is sleeping with and who he is sleeping with.

David Cartwright,Head of Press for BBC Wales,told Quench,"Mr. Goodway’s comment was a flippant aside. Had it been a homophobic remark,presenter David ‘the rottweil-

Gay Z to

Queer As Folk Channel 4 gay drama which clocked up more column inches than Rebecca Loos. Explicit,funny,moving, sensitive,grotesque,sexy and real. The production’s glorification of Canal Street has made it Manchester’s most vibrant clubbing area.

Rainbow Flag

What exactly is the rainbow flag for?

A symbol to say “Hello boys,I’m a big gay!” I thought that was a hanky in the left pocket. Or was that the right? Let’s face it,no one cares. It’s colourful if nothing else.

Section 28

One small paragraph of one small bill which has made one hell of a political mess. The clause itself bans the ‘promotion’ of homosexuality in schools but,more importantly,it has become a flagship for all discrimination against homosexuals. Bet you regret that now, Thatcher.

er’ Williams would have certainly picked up on it."

Speaking to Quench,Councillor Berman said "Readers must judge for themselves how appropriate or not the comments Russell Goodway made were. Having now publicly called for a line to be drawn under the matter… I hope that the debate can move on to focusing on the way our city is run."

Playground politics

What are our local leaders achieving with this childish approach to politics? They are undoubtedly adding to the poor bond of trust between the council and the people of Cardiff. You cannot have a ‘career’ in government. Personal gain and the desire

Peter Tatchell

The parton saint of the gay population. Tatchell is a national hero who has dedicated his life to ensuring equality for homosexuals. He is an in-your-face activist who has made more progress for gay rights than any other individual. We salute you Peter.

Underwear

If you’ve seen the Al Pacino film Cruising,you’ll

Gay 17

to grasp to the reigns of power should not play a part.

Perhaps our councillors would consider investing less time in bickering and spin and instead concentrate on the real issues facing LGB people in Cardiff.

“Goodway’s comment was a flippant aside”

Head of Press, David Cartwright, BBCWales

know that all gay men wear leather vests,studded thongs and don handlebar moustaches. Yeah,right. Should you have a fetish for rubber pants though,Clone Zone is the place for you - the gay version of Ann Summers. But seedier.

Violence

An unfortunate part of life as a gay person is having to ‘be careful’ to avoid getting your head kicked in on St Mary Street for holding your boyfriend’s hand. The best prevention? Education. Or a black belt. q r s t u v

Amplifier

Music For Nations

Considering the praise and plaudits Amplifier have received in the UK media,I am disappointed in this album. Closer to the Hindenburg than "the new Led Zeppelin",I struggle to see the difference between one track and the next. Was it necessary to make sevenminute plus tracks? I think not! Its only redeeming feature is that there is nothing quite like it around right now.

Elgan Iorwerth

BRIGHT EYES / NEVA DINOVA

One Jug Of Wine,Two Vessels

Saddle Creek

Not since Lambchop have 16 musicians sounded so quiet – though this is more bar-room jam than tender introspection. I’ll Be Your Friend,for instance,sees the band hang loose on an outro. Three songs are by Bright Eyes,three by Neva Dinova,but all feature both in a collaborative effort. Falling somewhere between Conor Oberst’s trademark sound and early Beck,this is another addition to Oberst’s considerable output.

Jason Draper

Rules For A Normal Life

Adorno

Don’t be fooled by the connotations of Closer: Nine Inch Nails or Joy Division this ain’t. It certainly ain’t the

THE BLUESKINS

Word Of Mouth Domino

First,let’s destroy a myth. The Blueskins do not sound like the Kings Of Leon; to say that is to do them a mighty injustice. With Word Of Mouth,The Blueskins are proving that British bands are far better at producing raucous and overdriven rhythm‘n’blues than the Yanks themselves,in the same way that John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers and the Yardbirds once did. Every song is fast paced,making the album move like one of their ferocious live gigs. On Stupid Ones,Ryan

Smashing Pumpkins gone country which is Closer’s supposed claim to fame. No Billy and No Dolly here. Instead,Closer sit at the bottom of toilet venue live bills. As harmless as under-produced melodic guitar pop may be,they could at least do it properly like Easyworld. In their own words: "this will be forgotten". Nathalie Southall

Songs FromThe Devil’s Chimney Source

Spendlove screams like Creedence Clearwater Revival’s John Fogerty, undoubtably making Caleb Followill wake up in a cold sweat,before quickly lurching into the rockabilly slide-guitar beginning of Change My Mind. Unlike their American counterparts,The Blueskins are versatile and do not peddle repetitive blues; My Love Is Law sounds like a song from Bugsy Malone, Go has a Russian balalaika quality,and Tell Me I’m Someone borders on being speed-metal or punk. Watch out America,the Brits are coming. Anthony Lloyd

Starts off as a bad version of The Beatles and gets only slightly better,reminding us that the 60s should have been left well alone. Drew Kennett’s vocal drone takes a little getting used to; to be truthful,by the end of the album it’s still a little too much to take. Changing Face provides evidence of an almost half decent guitar riff, but it sounds more like a tambourine,really. Tolerable but not really worth buying.

Sarah Ahmad

Sick of Silence Probation

This 17-track compilation gathers the "best" underground rock/nu-metal talent from South Wales. Unfortunately it's endless emo-metal tripe; a collection of infantile retards screaming like uneducated gimps while posing like Sum 41's lesser sibling on a day release from the 'clinic'. For every Funeral For A Friend this is another nail in the Lostprophets’ coffin of Welsh ingenuity and true rock credibility. Craig Driver

Albums 20

The Rasmus: Finnish. And quickly, please

Owner’s Workshop Manual

FFVinyl

In a spectacular attack of pointlessless,this release of rarities and live tracks from universally ignored Welsh rockers comes out to "celebrate" their recent reformation,and the 10 years since their formation. Which would be quite an achievement,only they were defunct for six of them,presumably splitting up in ‘98 due to what one can only assume,listening to this run-through of sub-Three Colours Red mediocrity, (which for the record,does not include their cover of Tony Basil’s Mickey),were musical indifferences.

John Widdop

MYSTIC CHORDS OF MEMORY HIM FLYSCREEN

And Love Said No

Let’s face it: The world does

not need HIM. The world does not want HIM. Based on facts that they managed to sell buckets full of 2003’s Love Metal to the pre-pubescent subscribers of Kerrang, And Love Said No is a (supposedly) greatest hits charting the bands history. Frankly,this won’t make any new fans; merely more money from the musically ignorant who think Kurt Cobain was the only man to ever pick up a guitar.

Sam Coare

Mystic Chords Of Memory

Rough Trade Light and wispy,this a featherweight album. Sounding like Grandaddy at a cider festival,this should be listened to as the summer nights draw in down at the local village pub. I only hope that the copious amounts of alcohol consumed at the pub blot out

Trust

Chemikal

Underground

Much like discovering in an intimate moment that your perfect girl is in fact still modelling yesterday’s smelly brown undercrackers,stinking band names can also be a right put off; par exemple,Sluts of Trust. But wondrous song titles such as The Continuing Struggle Between The Dirty And Smooth Starring Admiral Flannel And The Duke Of Blag deserve respect,and here it is in great big prog bundles; terrific! Greg Cochrane

STORYOFTHE YEAR

Page Avenue

Maverick

the softly-softly,quasi-hippy undertones; though there is a song entitled Sure,Bert. All in all whimsical and dreamy but a trite shit.

Craig Driver

THERASMUS

Dead Letters

Universal/Island

Finland’s The Rasmus have produced a surprisingly melodic album in Dead Letters. From the slow haunting Funeral Song to the rocking F-F-F-Falling the album has a nice mix of tracks. Will strike a chord with Evanescence fans; though not pseudo-gothic enough for those of a heavier disposition,it will definitely help while away long hours avoiding revision. Though why we had the sleeve notes for Therapy’s Infernal Love goodness knows! Elgan Iorwerth

SLUTSOFTRUST

We Are All Sluts Of

Sniffing at the arses of bezzer mates Thrice,The Used and Goldfinger,Story Of The Year deal in adolescent,whinging,bed-wetting emo. “The night will come and rip away her wings of innocence,” croons Dan Marsala in laughably epic fashion,and you get the feeling we’ve been here before. Quite frankly I’d rather rub Marmite into my eyes than go there again. Greg Cochrane

TALI

Lyric On My Lip

Full Cycle

The unremarkable freckledface teenager staring from the album sleeve doesn’t give off any clues to the depth and maturity of Tali’s debut. Rather than the council-estate garage that the picture suggests,this album is packed with moody beats,jazzy twists and drum‘n’bass ballads. Roni Size’s excellent production covers up

occasional weak rapping,but her singing voice sounds like Amy Winehouse,especially on the downtempo Grey Days. A star in waiting.

Gary Andrews

THROBBING GRISTLE

Mutant TG Novamute

Thirty years ago "the Gristle" formed from the ashes of the performance art troupe/media guerrilla cell Coum Transmissions. Just so you know the frame of reference we’re working from here. This remix album either showcases how to make incidental music for computer games or is the backing track Guinness World Records use for any live record attempts. For electronic dance fans,Mutant TG would provide ideal accompaniment for revision.

Rob Telford

The Neon God:Part 1 –The Rise Through Noise/Sanctuary

Beginning promisingly with a slow,classic-rock build-up, this 14-track "conceptual rock opera" is an album

W.A.S.P . vocalist Blackie

Lawless "has talked about making for years". It should have remained idle chit-chat. Lawless screeches like a strangled cat throughout and you’ll have heard every riff a thousand times before. Taking into account the earnestness and revulsion of track titles like Me & The Devil,suddenly The Darkness don’t look so pretentious after all.

Rob Telford

Philadelphia Songs

Bad Taste Records

Breathtakingly simple and effortlessly beautiful, Philadelphia Songs is the sophomore release from Americana’s latest sad at heart singer-songwriter. Taking in equal measures of Clarity-era Jimmy Eat World

and pre-egomania Ryan Adams while lyrically updating Springsteen for angst-ridden youths,Witmer constantly sounds ahead of his game,crafting genius songs like Stations from the dust of old photographs,yet at no point sounding anything other than timeless,soulless or wanting for anything more than the acoustic and soaring slide-guitar he deals with. Utterly fantastic. John Widdop

EMI

Although the idea of having a classically trained violinist instead of a lead guitarist sounds suspiciously like a contender for the worst ideas of the 21st century,punky upstarts don't so much carry off such a ludicrous concept,but soar away with it. Single Way Away and standout Life Of A Salesman swish more hooks than a tabloid-bothering Arab,and this remarkably unpretentious (no Muse-esque orchestral faffing here) debut is quite simply far too much fun not to bother listening to.

John Widdop

Albums 21

YOUNG HEART ATTACK

Zeppelin and The Who,and you’re nearly at what YHA bring. Dirty and dangerous, YHA are here to deliver rock as we knew it. No gimmicks,no spandex and no irritating Christmas songs; only a debut album with more rock than all The Darkness combined. So sod off Mr Hawkins,your time is up. Sam Coare

WILEY

Treddin’ On Thin Ice XL

The UK garage underground may well be the most creative,visionary and thrilling scene in the country right now - yet official commercial releases have so far been frustratingly rare. Only last year has the grime sound broken nationwide,thanks mostly to the sterling work of Dizzee Rascal. Wiley’s reputation has been cultivated more from his astonishing eski-beat production for Dizzee’s Roll Deep Crew: an edgy,glacial mix of two-step beats,string-led melodies and found sounds gleaned from the wilder shores of electronica.

In stark contrast to Dizzee’s frantic maximalism, it’s an understated and subtle style; consequently, Treddin’On Thin Ice does not pack the full-bodied sonic punch of Boy In Da Corner. Neither is it bothered by as many issues: Wiley is as preoccupied with girls,jobs,violence and insecurity as Dizzee, but - delivering his lines in a flat,detached toneat no point does he let them take over. Life’s vicissitudes exist,but Wiley’s sorted. "Everything happens for a reason," he sighs,and it’s a sigh of acceptance.

And that’s the key to the album: lyrically as well as sonically,Wiley seeks to normalise the bizarre. Wot Do U Call It? sounds like a deranged urban Charleston; Special Girl is lush,epic R&B; best of all, Pies takes hilarious braggadocio ("Who ate all the pies? There goes Wiley,there goes Wiley,he ate all the pies"),sets it above a gorgeous string melody,and still makes it sound like a banging club track. It’s simultaneously breathtaking and utterly normal. Alex Macpherson

Ocean Avenue

Mouthful Of Love XL

Imagine AC/DC jamming in a room with Aerosmith,

Sex,Drugs And Rocks Through Your Window

Fierce Panda

Agent Blue are five teenagers from Stoke,and Sex…,their last independent release,sounds like a darker Cooper Temple Clause mixed with Primal Scream,and is really rather promising. Dave Jennings

THECHARLATANS

Up At The Lake Universal/Island Records

The Charlatans,try though they might,have once again fallen short of the dizzy heights reached in the mid90s Britpop era. Once again their report card reads "shows potential but must try harder".

Elgan Iorworth

My Angel Rocks Back And Forth EP

Everybody’s Changing Universal/Island

Though perfectly melodic, Keane’s second single disappoints,partly because they sound like Travis did five years ago. But the record isn’t exciting in the slightest and the market for ‘sensitive’ indie bands is already swamped. Rob Telford

LOSTPROPHETS

Wake Up Visible Noise

Did someone order another slice of unashamedly chartrumbling pie from Ponty’s finest? No,nor us: but here it is complete with synthetic strings and a chorus bigger than Barry White’s invade your brain.

records,it is no wonder this acoustic female-fronted two piece have a record deal. Passive/Passive would have been more fitting for this mundane EP,suitable only for a Dawson’s Creek soundtrack. Samuel Strang

George Dickel EP

Double Dragon Music

Rarely do singles merit more for produce than they do for effort,but Oxford duo Winnebago Deal buck the trend with five more mud’n' shit-for-breakfast raucous bass-free buzzsaw songs. It's all good,but one wonders how much longer the pony can keep performing, and the 'Deal can get away with it. John Widdop

DAVIDWRENCH

Superhorny Storm

Changes Are No Good

The prettiest thing about this single is its cover. The enough to make even the most avid ‘the’ bands follower switch off. The Stills

Passive/Aggressive EP

the likes of munchkin child Jamie Cullum,Norah

Disguised as daytime radio fodder this is actually a fantastic clever and witty erotic rant about "this crumbling nation." Set to a perky Pet Shop Boys-esque beat Superhorny takes in repression,erections,cricket, elections,Paxman,depravity,and malt whisky.

Hilarious. David Ford

FRANKEE

Fuck URight Back

Absolute

The response to Eamon’s atrocious chart-topper,this dismisses his whining with utter contempt. Funnier, filthier and sexier,it’s obvious who’s won this battle of the exes. Alex Macpherson

Air Hostess Universal Island

TRAVIS

Cardiff International Arena

Monday 22 March OK,I confess: I’m not the biggest Travis fan in the world,not by a long shot. So what the fuck was I doing at a Travis gig? Well,I found myself going for the atmosphere; after all,I knew that Travis had produced a couple of pretty little ditties,right? When I arrived,I began to question the existence of such an atmosphere. Taking a brief look around,I noted a couple that reminded me of my parents and a group of squealing 13-year-old girls: Great!

First up were support band Keane: those down-to-earth lads who put on an acoustic set in the Taf. I was quite keen on Keane (excuse the lame pun),and I can definitely see their music growing on me. On their website they are described as somewhere between ‘a scuffed Coldplay and Beautiful South’. This is a mix that certainly seems to work and I actually began to wonder whether I would enjoy the support band more than Travis.

However,when Travis took to the stage,I was proven wrong. Here in front of me was a band with a real passion for music. I may not be the most knowledgeable of people when it comes to guitars,but I know a good guitarist when I see one,and Andy Dunlop was truly amazing. At one point he mounted a huge amp stack and played his guitar perfectly from behind his back; now that has to be talent! On the other side,Douglas Payne was also giving it his all on the guitar. In some respects he was even more entertaining to watch due to his weird pelvic dancing. He really did appear to have a passion for his guitar!

The brilliance of main man Fran Healy’s performance went without saying. But damn it,I’m going to say it anyway! His talent was blatant throughout the whole gig but shone through in particular when he sung Flowers In The Window. He asked the entire venue to be quiet for this tune and sung busking style: no mics,no backing,just his voice and guitar. I guess it’s one of those things where you just had to be there to understand,but trust me it was good.

Besides demonstrating true talent, Travis were very entertaining and funny to watch. They seemed to really

Travis: “they are talented and should be respected as indie artists”

appreciate the audience. Before the gig,I wasn’t aware of just how many Travis lyrics I knew. Yet I found myself singing along

almost without realizing it and was reminded that they have had many hits. Hits that in my opinion deserve to be hits. As for the atmosphere,well it turned out to be worthwhile attending for after all. It was actually pretty impressive that Travis could appeal to such a variety of people.

When I told friends that I was going to see Travis,the most frequent reply was "why bother?" Now that I’ve seen them I think it’s a shame that many regard them as mainstream trash. They are talented and should be respected as indie artists. So if you have an old Travis t-shirt lurking at the back of your wardrobe,let it see the daylight again and wear it with pride. Debbie Green

Photos: Tim Alban

MCLUSKY

YOURCODENAMEIS:MILO FATHER OF BOON

Clwb Ifor Bach,Cardiff

Saturday 24 April

If the number of decibels produced is a scalar for quality,then Sunday night’s tinnitus was a sure sign of an awesome gig. Full-scale nuclear war wouldn’t have drowned out the pure aural delight the audience received. If this was a three course meal then it was out of Jamie Oliver’s league.

East Londoners Father Of Boon’s innovative and original sound was a sheer delight. Their energy and stage presence was only equalled by the output of their instruments. Top marks for use of a saxophone. The menu was excellent; hopefully they’ll be coming again.

Geordies yourcodenameis:milo were loud,heavy,disappointingly unoriginal and samey. It was hard to tell one song from another. Why on earth do you need four guitars anyway?

Father of Boon’s performance had set a high standard. Mclusky simply blew them away,playing a great mix of new and old tracks including the superb Alan Is A Cowboy Killer. The banter between the band and their avid followers was first rate, "I just broke the only two strings I use in this song!" was one of many comedy moments. You’ll be hard pushed to hear a heavier gig this summer.

Elgan Iorworth

SUGABABES

CIA,Cardiff

Tuesday 23 March

Last night Travis played here to a crowd largely consisting of 40-something couples,snogging like teenagers. Tonight the audience is equally unusual. With a stage show raunchy enough to give the binocular-wielding 50-yearold man on my right something to look at,but inoffensive to the realistically open-minded mother of the pre-teen on my left,the Sugababes crossover is massive. And rightly so as the threepiece are the perfect pop band,with tunes that elevate them way above the quagmire of drivel saturating the homegrown music market. The stylised fusion of sounds,not adverse to a mean use of beats,hooks and samples,is impeccably executed and beefed up by a backing band making singles Round Round and Hole In The

Mclusky: Look! No hands!

Head sound very,very good indeed. It is hard to knock any of the ‘Babes’ singing ability live, although a tendency to overdo the wavering scales illustrates their craft slightly tediously. The ladies give a shiny performance too; polished,professional and poised but disappointingly onedimensional. Interaction with the crowd is limited to directionless waves and vacuous expressions and despite their repeated declarations to the contrary,a stony-faced edge does little to play down the rift/pending split rumours which currently surround them. As the huge video screen backdrop becomes more fascinating than the band themselves the sweetness seems to be turning a little sour. Fred Dibner

Photos: Tim Alban

Paying tribute to the efforts of Act One,we take a look at some of the recent productions which have made it to the stage

Act One extravaganza

THE CRUCIBLE

Act One

YMCA Theatre

Salem might make you or me think of the wisecracking black cat from Sabrina The Teenage Witch but it made Arthur Miller and Cardiff University’s very own Act One think very differently. The Salem witch trials were distant history when Miller was inspired to write about them in his affecting play, The Crucible. The play follows farmer John Proctor’s struggle to overcome a sudden influx of rumours about his and others’ involvement in witchcraft and consorting with the devil.

In order to successfully fall back in time,Act One’s leading males grew nice big beards and nurtured their best tortured stares. The set (except one door which refused to close) was impressive for such a small venue and along with the costumes managed to transport the audience back many centuries. But the

credit should be duly given to the actors,who really brought the horror of the play’s events to life.

Both Mansoor Mir,as the virtuous Rev John Hale,and Louise Frost,as the frightened Mary Warren,gave hugely impressive performances,particularly since this was their stage debut. Ruth Truslove proved “a wild thing may say wild things” as the malevolent Abigail. She accused,accused some more and pointed at imaginary eagles to emerge as the origin for all tragedy within the play.

The standout performance of the night however,came from Pim Gregory. His tender and emotive portrayal of John Proctor was perfect,truly conveying the injustice and cruelty of what was happening and well as the inner turmoil of a man on the edge of reason. As a novice and sceptic of student productions but not of Arthur Miller,Act One’s The Crucible truly surprised me. Amateur dramatics have never looked so professional. Nathalie Southall

Playing the villain

development and characterisation presented a distinctive and meticulous plot,imbued with the political taunts that Shakespearean plays are renowned for.

Asa performance,the Act One portrayal of Richard III showed an enthusiasm and appreciation of the original Shakespearean text. There was an obvious amount of time and effort that had been put in to the rehearsals which resulted in a confident and structured performance from all characters. Although the plot was a little hard to

She epitomised the hatred and lack of morality associated with Richard

follow due to the merging of not only concepts but also time eras,the overall

The director can only be described as slightly over-ambitious with his ideas for this performance,consequently providing a rather ambiguous ideological concept for his modernisation of the text. The scene changes were a little too plentiful,disrupting the flow of the plot and extending the duration of the show. However compliments must be made to the organisation of costumes as all characters syncopated with their appearance,aiding to the professionalism of the production.

The character of Richard requires a mention for his obvious dedication to the piece. His lines were unfaultable in prose but tended to be delivered in the slightly clichéd method of shouting anything written by Shakespeare. This approach was adopted by many of the characters and sometimes made the actual meanings of the sounds hard to

understand.

While watching the performance there were two characters who stood out from the crowd,and in my opinion made the performance come alive. The role of Queen Elizabeth was delivered passionately and dramatically,really depicting the emotional rivalry which was the essence of the play,her strength often held together some of the weaker characters. The part of Tyrell,played by Rebecca Byzchok,was also delivered impeccably and presented probably the strongest characterisation on stagethat of the seducing murderess. She epitomised the hatred and lack of morality associated with Richard,and although most probably defined as his sidekick,Tyrell embodied and exuded the tyranny that the portrayal of his character lacked.

The overall performance was enjoyable and credit must be given to all those involved. Natalie Slater

Crwys Theatre Act One

RICHARD III

Spooky city

GHOST CITY

Sgript Cymru Chapter Arts Centre

In 24 little hours on your streets, anything could happen. There are those moments when you just get a sudden,unexpected feeling that you just know something. What can you expect when that is your synopsis for a play?

I enjoyed the uncertainty of not being quite sure what to anticipate. I knew that it was a contemporary play in both English and Welsh but besides that I had few clues. With improvised monologues each representing an hour of one day,this play was an attempt to capture the dark undercurrents that run unseen through the back streets of Cardiff. Each monologue was different but all hinted at a sharp turmoil of emotions. More an experience than a typical play it developed and grew through each scene, alluding to a metropolis of contemporary urban life that made me laugh, gasp and shift in my seat. The acting was talented and intense and kept

me engrossed while the intent and meaning behind the play remained more elusive. It was a very minimalist play with a strange synthesis of musical outbursts and intriguing props,

resulting in an invigorating exploration of everyday,Welsh street life. A very intimate and eloquent performance with a mysterious streetwise twist.

Straightjacket to success

With a personality that shines through a straightjacket,McMurphy livens up and challenges the institute,and the play begins...

Welcome to a place where toothpaste is kept locked up and absolutely everything is bloody white. Meet a giant Indian chief with an obsession for sweeping the floor,a man permanently occupying a crucifix posture and another suffering from illusions. Seated before the setting of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest ,one feels completely absorbed in the atmosphere of a mental hospital. The protagonist of the production is Randle P McMurphy. Having been imprisoned for his sexual antics, McMurphy escapes prison labour duties by claiming that he is insane.

Although the plot can seem slowmoving,there is lots of material to get your brain ticking. The characterisations are strong and provide good entertainment. One of the things that amazed me most about this production was that there was no changing of scenery and that the main storyline did not kick in until the final climax. Despite this,it was very entertaining from start to finish which proves how good the production really was.

The acting was first class and thoroughly believable. It isin factvery hard to find fault with the play. The only thing I would criticise would be the cheesy voiced-over soliloquies of the chief,which I

couldn’t understand a word of due to the heavy accent.

There was light humour,but overall the play made powerful statements on the treatment of mental patients and on the corruption of society. It may seem that I have raved too much about how great this production is,but damn it,it deserves praise! If you knew this play was on and didn’t bother to go and see it,then maybe it’s you that deserves to be in the looney bin! Hats off toClwyd Theatr Cymrufor adapting Ken Kesey’s 1962 contemporary classic novel to the stage. Debbie Green

Hannah Langfield

Clwyd Theatr Cymru New Theatre

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST

Paul O’Hara discovers that there is more to the art world than berets on a trip to London with the university’s Art Society

Welcome to the art world...

THE ART SOCIETY

Ilost interest in the wonderful world of Art way back in year 7 of secondary school when a woman with facial hair told me I lacked the sufficient degree of depth to truly understand art. Many years have passed since that dark day but in the third year of university something stirred inside me and with a great amount of hesitation I decided to give art another crack of the whip. Did the bearded people still hold a tight grip on the

I joined the swelling ranks of the Art Society and ended up going to London, city of saxophonists

world of art? Could berets ever be excused? To cut a long story short,I joined the swelling ranks of the Art Society and ended up going to London,city of saxophonists. Having been initially worried about the beard and beret ratio,my fears were soon eased as I was warmly welcomed by a bunch of non-bearded,beret-free individuals.

The aim of the game was to visit as many galleries as possible and,if possible,to eat dinner at the elusive McDonald’s. Though we narrowly missed the latter,we did manage to visit both the Hayward Gallery and Tate Modern.

The Hayward Gallery is currently home to an exhibition by the Pop Art genius Lichtenstein. “Who?” I hear you cry.

Roy Lichtenstein’s take on art has upset a number of the purists. Unlike the vast majority of his predecessors and contemporaries,Mr Lichtenstein could be found busily constructing cartoonlike images with bright and vivid concentrations of pixels. While some criticise young Roy for producing low art,he could have fooled me. If you’re interested in Pop Art or maybe just portraits of men who have slices of cheese for faces (yes,you read that right),you should definitely pop along for a worthwhile visit.

Like art junkies desperate for our next ‘hit’ we descended upon Tate Modern. Previously home to a power station,the gallery now houses a huge cross-section of international modern art from 1900 to the present day,with a nice cross-section of pieces from the famous,such as Pablo Picasso,Salvador Dalí and Andy Warhol (to name but a few),to some of the less known but equally impressive works by Steve McQueen, Rebecca Horn and Gillian Wearing.

The exhibition of the day,however, was by Olahur Eliasson,with the fourth piece from The Weather Project. Picture if you will a warehouse,with a mirrored ceiling and ball of light. It’s meant to represent the sun and your own personal interaction with the exhibition,but let’s face it,if you need an excuse to enjoy a mirrored ceiling and glowing ball of light you are just too sensible.

If you like the sound of the Art Society and want to know more then take a look at their website, www33.brinkster.com/artsoc. They’ve also got some useful info on part-time courses on the subject run by UWIC.

Art on your doorstep

and has a variety of exhibitions going on throughout the year.

Martin Tinney Gallery

You don’t need to venture to London to appreciate art though. The Martin Tinney Gallery is only a couple of minutes walk from the centre of town

At the moment there is an exhibition by Cardiff-based artist,Michael Monaghen. His work is made up of oil paintings,with colourful still life images. This is his first major exhibition in Cardiff and is free,so it’s well worth a look if you’re feeling like you

need a break from revision!

His work explores perspective and colour,offering a refreshing approach to some traditional compositions. It’s on until May 8.

MICHAEL MONAGHEN

In

this action-packed issue, Jason Draper rocks out with Metallica while Kerry-Lynne Doyle profiles Wendy Cope

JUSTICE FOR ALL:THE TRUTH ABOUT METALLICA

Joel McIver Omnibus Press

You have to love a book that comes at you with such authority that you know that,across the planet,there will be no finer word on its subject. When you find a heavy metal study by Joel McIver –who also authored Extreme Metal, an A-Z of music’s darker side – you have one such book.

Justice For All is the first Metallica study to not merely present a chronological account of their history,but to also address the myths,rumours and blatant falsehoods that have made their story uniquely complex. Throughout, chapters such as ‘The Truth About Thrash Metal’ supplement important moments in their history,

whereupon McIver deftly presents all conflicting opinions of a certain part of the Metallica saga,and leads you to an informed,unbiased conclusion. Most impressively,the snake’s wedding that was their law-

suit against Napster is untangled and presented in a much simpler fashion than the media ever dreamed of.

Yet this is not merely one man’s trawl through Metallica’s past. Interviewing over 70 people,it’s fascinating to gain such a range of

opinions from those close to a group that have – at one point or another – forced divided opinions from their most devoted fans.

Coupled with this,you have to admire McIver’s extensive knowledge of tangential subjects. In one moment he expounds music theory (deconstructing the use of Cliff Burton’s “upper-register sixteenths” on Phantom Lord),whereas later he offers the best attempt at explaining metal’s sub-genres (black,death,heavy,etc) that I have read.

At one moment groundbreaking, the next mediocre,Metallica have never been easy to digest whole. Fortunately,McIver has done it for you. This is an indispensable study,presenting a commendable picture of – whatever your personal feelings – a band adept at business matters,yet who ultimately lived for the music.

Legends of the page!

Wendy Cope is a poet who can make you laugh about subjects that make you want to cry. Born in 1945,Cope’s sardonic wit has ensured that her poems are both well-read and well-loved by men and women. Poems with titles such as “Bloody Men” and “Men and Their Boring Arguments” have made Cope a popular figure for women readers and feminists. Yet the sharp humour of her poetry is often based on heart-wrenching subjects such as loneliness,love and rejection so that her poems make you smile over the most touching subjects.

Her humourous poems about love are probably her most well known. Poems such as “Two Cures for Love”, which consists of two lines that conclude “The easy way: get to know him better”,are evidence of why Cope is widely admired by the women who read her; she can man-bash with the best of them. Her humour does not end there though. Many of her poems are satires

of elitist male poetry and the snobbery and pretension prevalent in the poetry world. “Tumps (Totally Useless Male Poets)” is a biting satire of male poets and “Pastoral” mocks the pastoral poetry form. Cope even targets Lennon and McCartney in “Variation on a Lennon and McCartney Song” when she concludes “All you need is love, love/Or,failing that,alcohol.”

While her humourous poetry is very popular and successful,Cope does write poems of a more serious nature. “Valentine” addresses the bittersweet nature of love declaring “My heart has made its mind up/And I’m afraid it’s you.” This poignancy is also depicted in “I Worry” where she asks “Are you sad? Are you lonely? Or are you alright?” in an almost child-like manner. This shows that Cope’s poetry cannot be simply categorised as wit; it has a distinct sensitivity and sweet vulnerability.

Clearly,while Cope will probably always be famous for her wit,her poet-

ry is more complex than it initially seems. It can be sharply satirical, deeply touching and hysterical at the same time. Her poetry is perfect for people who both love poetry and are terrified of it,because it is so accessible and funny. So whether you’re a poetry buff or have not dared read a poem since GCSE English,I urge you to read some Cope because you really will not regret it.

S S T T U U D D E E N N T T

R R A A N N T T

Of course, when watching the TV, viewers expect to undergo a certain amount of brainwashing – some may even enjoy the sudden impulse to go out and buy bars and bars of chocolate whenever Coronation Street starts. But when reading a book,readers expect to exercise their imaginations and interpret the writing with reference to their own personal memories and experiences. And most of the time they do,as the majority of authors assume that their readers do actually have the ability to think. Unlike,it would seem,the authors of titles belonging to the so-called ‘self-help’ genre. Only recently have I even encountered this fascinatingly horrific section of the ‘literary’ world. It was reading week,I returned to the parental abode warning my mother that yes,I was feeling a little stressed and down,so she should prepare to be extra nice to me. But upon my re-entry,Iwas not welcomed by greeting parties of crisps, chocolate and foot massages,oh no! Instead,Ifound a tube containing the largest objects I have ever seen in pill form (fish oils ‘to calm you down’,as used by Prof Robert Winston on hyperactive kids,and evening primrose oil ‘to help balance those hormones’,as used by premenopausal women - thanks mum!), and worse… a nice stack of selfhelp books from the library. After perusing them at my leisure, noting a few good recipes from Carol Vorderman’s Detox For Life,I decided my best chance of becoming a nor-

This week, Stephanie Fuller gets all hot under the collar about self-help books

mal,rational human being would be following Paul McKenna’s Change Your Life In 7 Days. The cover boasts a free ‘mind-reprogramming CD’ which sounded promising. However, on closer inspection the inside cover revealed that persons suffering epilepsy or depression should not listen to it while operating heavy machinery or driving. What exactly was this CD going to do to me? Even more alarmingly,chapter titles included such gems as “The Power of Brainwashing”,“The Inner Smile” and “But What If I’m ‘Really’ ill?”

Mr McKenna can now reveal that positive thinking (and a little brain reprogramming,obviously) can help to cure most major illnesses! So that’s where all the millions of people dying around the world are going wrong – they aren’t visualising their ‘authentic self’,and they aren’t ‘stepping’ closer to this authentic self every day,using one of McKenna’s reprogramming exercises.

He spends some time detailing the intricacies of this action. Did you know for instance,that you can hear a piece of music in your head,or make a ‘mind movie’ of yourself going through your own front door? It’s called having a brain! This seems to constitute most of the reprogramming,along with regular monk-based anecdotes about people who don’t step on starfish. At the end of the book and the seven-day programme, (which requires participants to listen to the brain-reprogramming CD twice a day – but not while operating heavy machinery) McKenna assures readers that ‘supreme self-confidence’ and the ability to ‘run your own brain’ awaits you. How exactly does he imagine his readers purchased said book without the ability to ‘run’ their brain?

This was all starting to sound a little too much like a bad case of ‘life mechanics’,and wanting to avoid turning into another Stewart

"Chukka" Parker,I decided not to listen to the brain-reprogramming CD. So,readers,we can but imagine the world of whale-style muzak interspersed with flourishes of panpipes, over which daytime TV’s favourite hypnotist might be saying anything! Maybe he’s actually trying to take over the world,reprogramming everyone’s brain to think that he,Paul McKenna is the Messiah? Or maybe not. The key to all of this brain reprogramming seems to be to daydream more and think about reality less. Wow,Mr McKenna – can you really be saying that complete escapism from the drudgery of everyday life will cheer people up? What a breakthrough.

Unfortunately there aren’t enough jobs in the fantasy novel-writing sector to go around the great British public. However,McKenna has surely secured his position with this astoundingly ridiculous piece of fantastical nonsense!

Dir: Michel Gondry

Cast: Jim Carrey,Kate Winslet

Another two hours of insane brilliance from the mind of screenwriter extraordinaire Charlie Kaufman (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation),as Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) discovers that his estranged girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has undergone a new scientific procedure to have all trace of him removed from her memory. In retaliation a distraught Joel rashly undergoes the same procedure but realises midprocess that this isn’t what he wanted at all.

Two thirds of the action takes place inside Joel’s slowly disintegrating memory as he and Clementine try desperately to escape the procedure, running through various memories and parts of his psyche in an attempt to

hide away just one tiny fragment of her.

The film looks fantastic,particularly in the ‘inside-Joel’s-head’ section of the movie,with director Michel Gondry’s visual inventiveness and flair easily matching Kaufman’s ingenious script.

Carrey and Winslet are both excellent in their roles as the memorycrossed lovers,with Carrey playing his most restrained,tight-lipped character yet and Winslet providing a perfect foil in the shape of the impulsive,thrillseeking Clementine. Support is also strong in the shape of Tom Wilkinson, Mark Ruffalo,Kirsten Dunst and a panty-sniffing Elijah Wood.

To give too much away would certainly ruin the experience; suffice to say that it will leave you with a smile on your face and probably prone to sudden gestures of high romance. A more than worthy follow-up to Adaptation,and without doubt one of the best films of the year thus far.

Kris Ilic

SHAUN OF THE DEAD

Dir: Edgar Wright

Cast: Simon Pegg,Nick Frost,Dylan Moran,Kate Ashfield

Occasionally,very occasionally,a film comes along that is so brain-splittingly fantastic that it makes you succumb and crawl like a demented Oliver Twist begging for more Sir,please,more! Shaun Of The Dead is such a film.

From the genius minds of Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright,creators of the criminally ignored Channel 4 comedy series Spaced,comes the student film of the year. Joyfully parodying George A Romero’s zombie classic Dawn Of The Dead,the film follows a day in the life of electronics retail assistant Shaun (Simon Pegg) and his friends as they battle a sudden influx of the ugly and the undead. Calling on cricket bat,spade,and even his precious vinyl collection (“Dire Straits? Throw it!”),Shaun and Ed (Nick Frost in his finest über-slacker role to date) assault the zombie collective,finding the sense of purpose their lives were lacking. It may be a bit pretentious to suggest a subtext to such marvellous mayhem,but the film’s strength stems from strong characters whose dissatisfaction with their directionless twenties rings universally true. While not as lavish as the recent orthodox Hollywood remake this film is superior in all departments.

Pegg has gathered the new comedy generation elite - Lucy Davis,Dylan Moran,Nick Frost,Martin Freeman –and concocted a kaleidoscopic gem of a film full of genuine horror and sublime humour. While the final act does sacrifice some of its wit in favour of a traditional horror finale this is still a class above the rest in terms of ingenuity and execution.

For all of us who found that other Working Title-produced,London-set comedy Love Actually an irritatingly unoriginal smugfest, Shaun of the Dead proves the perfect antidote. Craig Driver

Shaun Of The Dead

SONG FOR A RAGGY BOY

Dir: Aisling Walsh

Starring: Aidan Quinn,Iain Glen, John Travers,Chris Newman

Basedon a true story this chilling drama is reminiscent of The Magdalene Sisters,as it examines horrific events of Ireland’s Catholic history.

In 1939,William Franklin (Quinn) is the first lay teacher at St Jude’s reform school. He’s just returned from the Spanish Civil War and is haunted by memories of murdered friends and lovers. The school is ruled with an iron fist by Father John (Glen),who thinks the boys are mere animals,unredeemable brutes who need fierce control at all times. Franklin,of course,has a heart of gold and draws out his students’ talents and respect.

The story centres on two of the boys,Liam and Patrick (Travers and Newman),who develop a strong bond with Franklin amid their particularly horrific experiences. Their tale is affecting,as are the performances and filmmaking style,but the screenwriters opt for a hero-villain structure and a Dead Poets Society plotline that weakens the important issues the story raises. Glen’s Father John is such a relentless thug that there’s never a glimpse of humanity in him.

Meanwhile,both Travers and Newman give brave,moving turns as “bad” boys getting far worse than they could ever deserve. But rather than examine these events meaningfully,the filmmakers make the film a mere battle of wills between Glen and Quinn. This onedimensional approach feels corny and contrived when it should be shocking and cautionary.

Like the Magdalene laundries,schools like St Jude’s were still in use until the 1980s,and the offending clergy, while transferred away,were never charged with their crimes. It’s a real pity that this film doesn’t do justice to the victims.

Craig Driver

Dir: Quentin Tarantino

Cast: Uma Thurman,David Carradine,Michael Madsen

Wellit’s been a long wait for this one.

First, Kill Bill was gonna be one film,then two released within a few weeks,and now the second installment arrives after several months of ever-changing release dates. But apportioning the blame - was it Miramax money-grabber Harvey Weinstein or perfectionist nerd Quentin Tarantino? - is irrelevant now,

because the film is here and it’s a killer. Yes,the pace is slower,and there’s no House of Blue Leaves-style action centrepiece,but this is a more than worthy follow-up to Vol.1

The cast is as great as before. David Carradine is a model of sinister charm,switching from disarmingly tender to mercilessly hateful as the Bride’s nemesis and ex-lover,Bill.

Daryl Hannah’s eyepatched siren returns for a bloody showdown and Michael Madsen,as Budd, shows all the masochistic bitterness of his incarnation in Reservoir Dogs by resolving to bury the Bride alive. But it’s Gordon Liu (Johnny Mo from Vol.1), who steals the film in a ludicrous turn as whitebearded kung fu master Pei Mei.

Yet the film has its problems. When we see a new film,we don’t know what to

expect in terms of style,characters or plotlines. So by being the second half of a film, Vol.2 lacks the impact of the unknown - we know all those things already. Had the two films been released closer together,the momentum would have carried through and we might not have found ourselves fidgeting through Bill and the Bride’s lengthy dialogue scenes.

Release schedules and Hollywood politics aside,Tarantino has delivered another cult classic which amuses,shocks and thrills,even if it does go a bit Jackie Brown in the last 10 minutes.

Mat Croft

KILL BILL VOL.2

Kill Bill Vol. 2

Beauty and the beta

There once was a fair young maiden who was said to be the most beautiful of them all. With a gun in her hand and a bounce in her step,she was to protect the lost gems of ancient civilisations. Her creators were Eidos and she was to be called Lara.

There’s a new age of beauty. And it’s digital.

Things have come a long way since the reign of Miss Croft. Innovations in technology have allowed a new breed of digital beauties to be created and unfortunately the original Lara just isn’t in their league. Gasps surround Digital Desk as this outrageous claim is made but according to those who know where it’s at,she just hasn't got the pixels it takes.

While Lara’s titillating exploits may live on in last year’s Angel Of Darkness,her successors are already competing to see who’s going to take her place. It all takes place at www.missdigitalworld.com where

Perri Lewis delves into the ever-soslightly unsettling world of pixellated glamour

the first ever virtual beauty contest will take place at the end of the year.

The official website boasts that “every age has its ideal of beauty,and every age produces its visual incarnation of that ideal... Miss Digital World is the search for a contemporary ideal of beauty,represented through virtual reality.” It claims that its winner will characterise this moment in time,just as Mona Lisa did the Renaissance and Marilyn Monroe did the 60s. It seems ever so ironic that the face aiming to ‘embody’ what we consider beautiful could very well be computer generated.

If you can forget the absurdity of this for a moment,the project’s other aims are more realistic. Franz Cerami,the competition’s creator,believes that it will generate a large amount of interest from companies wanting to learn more about the benefits and potential uses of virtual characters. He hopes that it will promote further development of computer graphics, enabling significant progress to be made.

To ensure that the virtual ceremony retains an air of dignity in a cyberworld surrounded by filth,contestants are only eligible to enter if they have never been involved in the production of pornographic material. While it may be hard to believe, apparently quite a few of the girls can vow to this and just want peace,love and happiness in the world.

It is difficult to know what to think of

Miss Digital World. Many will just dismiss it as a playground for horny technophiles,bent on the search for a woman they will never be able to have. Although on the surface it appears like a harmless pastime of a couple of cyber wackos,the significance of Miss Digital World could be far more disturbing. If the finalists of this competition really do epitomise what is considered attractive,you have to question what society thinks of the real women of the world. Unfortunately it appears that our ideals of beauty have become so unrealistic that they can only be achieved through virtual reality.

However,although this competition wants to create a new age of digital beauty,it’s really already here. Our notion of what is attractive is not determined by real woman anymore, but by the airbrushed images of perfection promoted by the media.

The Next X? 33

Simeon Rosser-Trokas gets techie on your ass

The rumour mill regarding the next generation of consoles just keeps on turning. Before E3 has even started or any official comments or press releases have been made by the big M,here are the specs for Xbox 2…allegedly, that is.

If a schematic posted on Chinese bulletin board GZeasy is to believed,the Xbox 2,widely reputed to be codenamed Xenon, will pack a mighty three-core 3.5 GHz CPU punch,augmented by 256MB of main memory and a

The greatest show on earth...

Gareth Lloyd takes a gander at this year’s E3 line up

It’s that time of year again; E3, the biggest expo in the games biz,is nearly upon us. Let’s have a quick preview of what’s to come from the big three companies,eh?

Sony are likely to have a conser-

500MHz graphics chip.

So what does all that mean if you’re not übergeeks like us at Digital Desk? One word explains everything: power,earth-shattering power! If these specs are to be believed Xbox 2 will not only be capable of delivering an astonishing visual and aural experience for the gamers of 2005/6 but also promises realistic physics as well as games of a frankly astonishing

Digital

depth and complexity. Figures like these are enough to induce involuntary drooling from the enthusiastic gamer but combine these with hints of a removable harddrive with iPod-esque capabilities and convulsions of anticipation are inevitable… if you believe it that is. And that’s the big question; is this just a convincing hoax? We can’t decide that for you,so our advice is to wait for E3,and what will be will be.

vative year,though may take this opportunity to finally show off the Playstation Portable. In terms of PS2 games,we should see sequels to Jak & Daxter, The

It won’t look like this. But it might. But, y’know, it won’t.

Getaway, Final Fantasy, Ratchet & Clank (subtitled “Up Your Arsenal”; bloody hell) and perhaps even the cult classic Ico. The gritty shooter Killzone should also be present in playable form.

It’s sequelville on the Gamecube,too; Resident Evil 4, Windwaker 2, Metroid Prime 2: Echoes, Starfox 2, Mario 128 and Cube Wars are all rumoured,as is the first glimpse of the Nintendo Dual Screen (aka the ‘Nitro’).

The Xbox scene looks to be a volatile one; to call these titles highly anticipated is an understatement. Fable, Halo 2, Sudeki, Full Spectrum Warrior, B.C., Doom 3... we’ll just have to wait and see if they deliver. Word is also growing that MS is looking to sneak out the Xbox 2 in 2005; see above for more on that...

Going out

Doesyour head hurt after spending hours in the pub spending your newly acquired loan check? Do you feel in need of some gorgeous headache-curing food? Then look no further as Going Out provides you with a choice of remedies...

10 Macintosh Place

Given the plethora of eateries that led my flatmate to comment that “City Road makes me feel like I’m abroad”, it is still surprising how hard it is to pinpoint quality,well-priced restaurants in and around this area. When you’ve had a hard week,the weekend is the time to treat yourself to a meal out. But where? Situated right opposite The George,we didn’t have too far to walk.

Upon entering the Dalchini I immediately felt warm and welcome. It is a small place with a cottage-esque environment – floral printed sofa/benches,cream walls,patterned curtains and your standard gold-tinted mirror on the wall. The service was friendly and attentive,but not overly so.

As it was already 11pm on Sunday we reluctantly decided to skip the starters; very reluctantly,as there was a great variety of really tempting starters. Instead,I had a prawn and lentil dish for my main course,which was really tasty – very spicy which is what I like. Even though there are so many Indian restaurants to choose from I would highly recommend this one for its reasonable prices,handy location and great service.

My only fault with the place would be the time they took in bringing us our Irish coffees. They were nevertheless tasty and helped to soften the

blow when they told me they did not do student discounts. Unfortunately the four course meal offer for only £7.95 was not pointed out to me and our drinks starter and mains came to an approximate 15 pounds each (the Irish coffees I’m sure had a particularly large role to play in this!) Thus with this knowledge under my belt I shall definitely be returning.

Hannah Langfield

THEHAWAIIAN

City Road

If you’re in search of entertainment and looking for more of a deal than a meal then head to the Hawaiian. Not only do they serve up lush cocktails to get you in the spirits (around £10 a pitcher) and discounts off the Snakebite/cider and black for an evening,they can guarantee a DJ and free drinking games to any parties larger than 10. Eager to get you in the mood,the guys at The Hawaiian sell flower garlands and grass skirts at their trendy bar (which has a happy hour on weekdays).

The choice of food is simply Hawaiian and very edible,though not particularly amazing (think a cross between a Chinese and Old Orleans), yet there are some very reasonable offers and one can order mixed platters to share (although the choice for veggies is limited). You can get your hands on some decent grub,free entertainment and good service for around £15 and free booze if you’re willing to play the games. For those who can’t gulp down cocktails,there are some amusing alternatives,such as the clench-acoin-in-your-bum-and-drop-it-in-a-pintglass game and a girls vs. boys thrusting game.

If you’re looking for a romantic meal for two,be sure to ask who’s booked in

that evening or just drop in for a cocktail or two and experience the interiors, which include an aqua themed bar and a funky fountain sink of pebbles.

Parties can go on until at least 11pm and the larger the crowd,the better. But take some of your own CDs if you’re not keen on cheese!

Megan Conner

THERUMMERTAVERN

14 Duke Street

If you’ve ever been shopping in town and fancied a really nice meal with prices that are reasonable then this is the place for you. Just on the outskirts of the shops you might fail to notice this tiny traditional pub. From the outside it doesn’t look very inviting but venture in and you won’t be disappointed.

The pub feels traditional and rustic with a relaxed atmosphere and a balanced mixture of students and locals. If you crave home-cooked meals and classic cuisines like bangers and mash,steak and chips or gammon and egg,then this place really is a treat! You’ll love the fact that the menu is simple and satisfying and really fills you up. Other dishes include lasagne,chicken platters or a healthier option of baguettes and curly fries. Food is served from midday until 9pm every day,but between 3pm and 6pm most of the meals are two for £6; you really can’t go wrong. A large coke is 65p and hot sticky puddings are just £1.55. The staff are really friendly and the service was fast. It beats a McDonald’s or Burger King hands down! Katy Davies

THE DALCHINI

Picture: Lisa Walkley

Photo: LIsa Walkley

PHOTO: Lisa Walkley

Respect in retrospect

JEFF BUCKLEY

Grace (1994)

Columbia

Place Grace in your hi-fi, push the play button and you will be serenaded with a divine sound like nothing else. Never before or since listening to my first crackly cassette copy of this have I found a voice more evocative, haunting and moving. Brad Pitt loves him, so do I. This is Jeff Buckley.

Buckley belongs to a long ‘tradition’ of musical-genius tragedy. He was killed while making his second album in unresolved circumstances. The lack of closure mirrors the continual reactions which I and his other followers have had to his music. I say ‘followers’ over ‘fans’ because Grace is unconventional. It is an undeniably spiritual album made by a man blessed with a celestial voice.

Jeff’s vocals move effortlessly through scales and unlike no other, have the ability to lift your hairs up from your skin. Grace plays at its best as an album. One of the bestknown songs is Hallelujah, a Leonard Cohen cover which is widely understood to excel the original. Eternal Life, at the other end of this hypnotic record, is a fantastic rock song demonstrating a more human side to Buckley.

This is not an album of sorrow, but one of powerful emotive, poignant music that makes you want to listen to every single note. Moreover, this gospel-like record makes you want to sing with your every being, find your inner angel and face the world just a little bit differently. There will never be another Jeff Buckley and as his only complete album there will never be another Grace. Buy it and get lost in Jeff. Nathalie Southall

LADYSNOWBLOOD THECOLORPURPLE

Starring:Meiko Kaji

Although more common these days with films like Kill Bill,Samuraithemed action movies with female protagonists were not so common back in the 60s and 70s when chambara flicks were at their peak. For that reason alone, Lady Snowblood is a noteworthy volume in the canon of chop-sake classics.

Though she strides about in a kimono and parasol,looking as docile as your average geisha,Shuriyikihime (or just "Yuki" for short) is a killing machine born and bred with the sole purpose of avenging her mother’s death and her father and brother’s murder.

As expected from movies of this period,the film is replete with hacking,slashing,and brightly coloured arterial spray. Meiko Kaji is a heartstopping beauty with big,expressive eyes with a suitably haunted expression. Although there are moments of unintentional camp (the story was based on a Japanese comic book, after all),Yuki is more than a twodimensional walking femme fatale. At times she must kill even when compassion would constrain her not to, and we feel her frustration as she is cheated out of her revenge again and again until she finally comes face to face with the master villain and fulfils her mother's oath.

Kill Bill fans will recognize many flourishes from Lady Snowblood, including a few snippets of almost identical dialogue and the very familiar opening theme music which also makes an appearance after the climactic Uma Thurman/Lucy Liu showdown in Kill Bill Vol 1. As far as kickass sword-wielding female protagonists go Tarantino couldn't have picked a better inspiration. Craig Driver

Alice Walker (1982)

Women’s Press Classics

Alice Walker’s novel The Color Purple is a story of survival,empowerment and love. Using a series of letters, Walker conveys the struggle of her central character,Celie,to move past the tragic events in her life. Set in America’s Deep South in the 1930s, the novel looks at the lives of Celie and her family and friends from Celie’s perspective. Each character struggles against adversity,personal tragedy and their stereotypical roles, and the novel encapsulates the hardship of living in a repressed society.

Although traditionally portrayed as a feminist novel,the novel does touch upon issues of racism,ignorance and coming to terms with sexuality. Admittedly,the novel does have many contemptible male figures,but the development of these characters and how they learn from their mistakes is handled sensitively and subtly. The novel is written in Deep South vernacular; however,as Celie becomes more empowered and educated,her letters move towards standard English. The novel becomes a fascinating journey of self-discovery portraying how Celie’s community comes to term with rape,domestic violence and marital problems. The storylines could come straight out of EastEnders. But don’t let this put you off. Overall,the novel is uplifting. It is a heart-warming story of a community’s battle against repression. And if that doesn’t do it for you then there’s always the sex and lesbianism. It’s also a cracking film,so if the vernacular is too difficult for you to fathom,I suggest you rent it. It stars Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah. Do I need to say anything more? Kerry-Lynne Doyle

Dir:Toshiya Fujita (1973)

Fate or flop?

sent two

Girl’s profile:

Name - Syreeta Agbo

Age - 21

Studying - Anatomical Sciences

Syreeta on Sid:

What were your first impressions of Sid? He was smart and funny. How was the date?

By Kerry-Lynne Doyle Blind Date Editor

We had a very nice time,we had a nice chat. Nothing awkward really. Were there any awkward or funny moments? No,not really. We got on quite well. Only when he

Guy’s profile:

Name - Sid Reddy

Age - 22

Studying - MA Business

Administration

Sid on Syreeta:

What were your first impressions of Syreeta? She was smart and she was sweet. How was the date? It was very nice. It went really well. Were there any awkward or funny moments? None at all really. I felt that I could be myself. I just felt comfortable really. How was the conversation?

a shot in the dark is open ‘til 11,seven days a week. Coffee bar that is newly licenced! Own roasted coffee. Next to Wetherspoon’s, City Rd 02920 472300.

Do you fancy free grub,wine and a date? If so drop us a line at grblinddate@cf.ac.uk or text/call 07800 916077. Just send your name,age, sexuality and details of what type of person you’d like to date and we’ll set it up. It really is that simple!

“He talks a good game”

Anyone for tennis? If you are urban,earn less than 50 grand a year and speak anything other than the Queen’s English then you need not answer that question.

More precisely,you are not welcome to answer that question. On the other hand,if you drive a Bentley,attended public school and shelter under the bonnet of a bowler hat,then come and enjoy this most exclusive sport.

Just drop your cockney undertone,swig back a tumbler of sherry and indulge in a past-time befitting the cream of society. Don’t worry, the “lower-crop” won’t impede your fun,and those idealists spouting the all-unifying virtues of sport have been escorted off the grounds.

I mean,what was Sports Minister Kate Howie getting at when she kick-started a “Sport for All” campaign back in 1999?

And more to the point what does British number one Tim Henman think he’s doing by promoting equal opportunities to anyone wishing to pick up a tennis racquet?

After all,when Henry VIII used to don his whites and step out onto the lawn to trade shots with other

Toff’s tennis should be called out

members of the aristocracy,no one wanted to implant a street urchin with second-hand shoes into the portrait,did they?

But like the monarchy,this idea is dated,serves little practical use and on more than one occasion has embarrassed the country. Beneath the surface charm of Tim Henman’s smile and Jeremy Bates’ genuine efforts to reinvigorate the sport lies the problem issue.

Tennis in Britain is not for all. Where other sports are capable of levelling society,ripping silver spoons from the over-privileged and

“Where stuffy Brits are laughed at around the globe, tennis is at the forefront of their jibes”

rewarding the disadvantaged,tennis is the last elitist outpost of old England. Where stuffy Brits are laughed at around the globe,tennis is at the forefront of their jibes.

Visit any one of the 200 tennis clubs littered around this country and you will see what I mean. What you won’t see is children,ethnic minorities and a welcoming atmosphere,instead you find a toff culture comprised of upper-middle class snobs boasting their superior bloodline and castigating any of the proletariat daring to play their game. No wonder children turn to other sports to quell up their energies,leaving an ageing empire of tennis patrons gleefully rubbing their hands in self-satisfaction.

But if nothing else,sport will always be capable of injecting irony, and tennis in this country is anything but superior. Remember Romania,Morocco,Zimbabwe, Czech Republic and Ecuador? All

Sports writer of the year Riath AlSamarrai makes a racket about the state of British tennis

are poor countries with populations that could fit into a modest sized British city - yet when it comes to Davis Cup such logistics are an irrelevance,as each and every one of these nations have battered the Brits further off the tennis map.

Yet all it takes is Henman’s annual run to a Wimbledon semi-final and the rotten foundation of British tennis is superficially glossed and the problems ignored.

However,this utopia can only last so long before people sit up and realise what is going wrong. Henman’s talent has stalled the inquisitions into tennis’ faltering production line while the import of Canada’s Greg Rusedski has made a nice sideshow,but when these stars inevitably retire within the next few years the reality of British tennis will sharply reveal itself. Not a single player from the rest of Britain’s pool of mediocre talent sits in the top 100 rankings,and unless one of our “elite” clubs can churn out a star from a country of 70 million then we will reluctantly return to cheering on the likes of Bates and Chris Bailey in poor quality challenger events.

Presently,Henman’s semi-final appearances are taken for granted, and not helped by the nauseating support of Sue Barker who has billed his fine talent as extraordinary and anything short of delivering a grand slam will be seen as a failure. The BBC’s presenter has had her head so far in the sand it’s quite possible it has surfaced in Australia where the level of tennis is a little higher than on the snobby courts of Blighty. Here she might be able to learn what real sport is all about,and that wide participation is a more vital asset than teasipping etiquette when producing a champion.

Postcards from France

By Andrew Davidson,Grenoble

Iwas safely tucked away in Harborne village,just outside Birmingham,when Madrid suffered the loss of over 200 of its population in yet another disgusting destruction of life and property.

Incidentally Mr Blair,if the “enemy’s” right foot fell in Istanbul,its left foot in Madrid,then where will the next step land? You’ve been warned,pal. History shows that international tomfoolery has a finite lifespan.

In the immediate aftermath of the Madrid bombings,trains in the UK were “patrolled” by beer-bellied bobbies working either in pairs or alone and armed with little more than plastic tea- cups. We all wondered quite why they were there, as if they would make any difference to anything whatsoever.

Two weeks later and hundreds of miles further south,back home in Grenoble reality paints a dif- ferent picture. Walking through the train station last night,French police were hunting in packs, armed to the teeth and really having an impact. With direct radio links to bomb disposal squads,

they search trains and stations in an effort to ensure lightning doesn’t strike twice.

But don’t get me wrong,all this patrolling malarkey is utter non- sense anyway. Too little,too late, too superficial; it won’t get anywhere near to solv-

Postcards from Sicily

By Sarah Cummins,Catania

Unfortunately I’ve been a little unwell of late, and the time came to check out the Sicilian health service. During the search for an Italian equivalent of a GP I was told “I don’t know what one is - go and ask someone else”. Thanks for the help then! Eventually I got hold of someone that could help and she escorted me to the hospital (yes,alarm bells were ringing).

I was left alone in the coldest,most unwelcoming room I’ve ever been in. It’s surprising the difference flowers and a few old magazines can make. As the minutes passed I concluded I was in A&E (more alarm bells); I guess really that the crying,wailing and screaming gave it away.

Almost an hour later my name was called and I was led to a room,but the one-on-one private consultation I was expecting just wasn’t going to happen. In my best Italian,a doctor,four nurses and a trainee doctor listened as I told them what was wrong. I was then told to lie down on the bed. At this point I expected some people to leave to give me a little privacy,but no; as the doctor asked if everyone could see ‘it’ the door opened and in

came two more doctors.

So,eight people all in all got front row seats for my most uncomfortable,excruciatingly embarrassing test of my life.

Next time I’m selling tickets.