Quench Issue 9 - 1 March 2004

Executive editor Tristan Thomas Quench editor Alex Macpherson

Arts Lizzie Brown,Rachel Pegum Blind Date Kerry-Lynne Doyle Books Maria Thomas Columnists Riath Al-Samarrai,DCGates Debate Jessica Webb Digital Gareth Lloyd,Simeon Rosser-Trokas Fashion Caroline Ellis,Bex Singleton

Features Vicky Corbett,Rhys James Film Mat Croft Food Mari Ropstad Gay Ian Loynd Going Out Katy Davies,Jenny Duxbury,Lisa Walkley Interviews Will Dean,Louis Grover,Rob Plastow Music Jamie Fullerton,Anthony Lloyd One Trick Pony James Anthony Photography Gemma Griffiths,Anastasia Nylund

Travel Tim Clark,Laura Tovey

Contributors Dave Adams,Sarah Ahmad,Alex Ali,Vicky Allen,Gary Andrews,Matt Aplin, Chris Brown,Craig Driver,David Ford,Alexandra Giorgetti,Debbie Green,Rachel Howells, Holly Howitt-Dring,Ben Jack,Justin Jeffreys,Dave Jennings,Janine Jones,Perri Lewis, Madeleine Lowry,Kim Lyon,James Martyn,Samuel Mills,Andy Newbery,Andy Parsons, Hannah Perry,Cassidy Phillips,Shell Plant,Laura Quinn,Will Schmidt,Natalie Slater,Alys Southwood,Jon Sykes,Gwenllian Thomas,John Widdop,Ben Wright Photographers Tim Alban,Lyndsay Davies,Simon Shoulders Assistant to the editor Elaine Morgan Cover design Mat Croft

Lex’s Law

’ve always been a staunch defender of the charts against those who dismiss everything in the top 40 as manufactured pap; it’s often the disposable pop which attains greater heights than indie obscurantism,after all (remember - it’s the five-year anniversary of Baby One More Time this week! Rejoice!). Last week’s top 5 severely shook my faith,though.

Headed by a truly noxious double whammy - Sam and Mark, Pop Idol losers and (can it be?) even worse than that Michelle McmAnus heifer,and R***n K***ing - and redeemed only by the godlike presence of Kelis bringing all the boys to the yard at No 4,the true evil was to be found one spot below.

Most sentient beings will have naturally assumed that the prolonged absence of Valley boys Stereophonics from our charts meant that the recordbuying public had finally come to their senses and consigned them to the great bargain bin in the sky,but alas, they have returned with a new electronic direction,which seems to consist entirely of the acquisition of a Casio keyboard.

Personally,Iblame Thatcher. If only she hadn’t closed down the coal mines of South Wales! Kelly Jones and his gurning cohorts would surely have had no option then but to go down them, like all other lads their age,and earn an honest living hacking away at rock, seeking but never striking gold. Instead, we’ve been forced to endure them,well, hacking away at rock but never striking gold.

Remember,Jones (him of the emphysematic walrus voice) is the man who criticised Radiohead - hardly the most complex of bands themselves - for “making music all about technicians”, and who went on to sneer:“They moan all the time,but they've never worked their fingers to the bone in a supermarket like we have.” Oh,because that makes me want to buy your stodgy, dreary records!

This is music which prides itself on its lack of imagination,its refusal to push boundaries,and which trumpets its ‘authenticity’ to the skies as if that means anything whatsoever. This band is a pox on our charts,on pop music, on our nation. This must stop.

SAmber Duval Amber Duval

Who would’ve thunk it. Last Sunday,Smashy and Nicey led us through the top 50 biggest selling artists of all time, based on actual UK singles sales. And the winner is… Cliff Richard? What? The world’s most famous repressed homosexual* has sold more singles in this country than The Beatles! That’s over 21million singles in a career spanning over 40 years.

ometimes those unwritten rules just don’t work – no matter what course of action you take. Follow every guide to flirting, ensure every kiss and caress you share is perfect,and learn the etiquette of ‘labels’. But how can you know when it is exactly the right time to go for broke and refer to the latest as your ‘boyfriend’?

You may have been seeing him for weeks and spending the weekends otherwise rampantly engaged - but what does this mean? How does a single word suggest that we are thinking about the future,when in fact we are taking each day as it comes? If you call him your ‘boyfriend’ in front of your friends,your mother or even the woman in Tesco… You may never see him again for the furious flurry of dust he leaves in his wake. At least with a one night stand you know where you are in the morning (even if you don’t know whose bed you are in).

It’s not so much a problem with commitment as it is an issue of labels. Is the word ‘boyfriend’ simply

not trendy anymore? Is ‘boyfriend’ in fact as unfashionable as moccasins with white socks and a kipper tie?

We’re not daft – we’ve learned never to mention,even in passing, children,marriage,pets or mortgages. But if we can’t say ‘boyfriend’, what are we supposed to say? What is short for ‘this-guy-I’ve-been-seeing’? To call him your ‘latest’ implies a long line and this is not the idea you should aim to evoke. And yet he should be glad you are using a phrase as transient as ‘boyfriend’ and not the nauseating term ‘partner’.

I’m not sure there really is an answer. But I’ve found that the best way to deal with it is to make sure he only ever hears you refer to him in this ‘dated’ way when he can’t possibly complain about what you are saying. I suggest letting him overhear when you are telling your friends that, out of all of your past lovers,your new boyfriend has the biggest packet. That’ll certainly put a smile on his face (and yours,if it’s true).

( O v e r r a t e d )

Johnny Ball (bless him) has been insisting "there’s not enough excitement at the power of maths". Everyone of a certain age has wished that Johnny Ball was their teacher; although with his comedy name,it’s probably a good idea that he wasn’t. Face it,‘powerful’ as it is,maths sucks ass,and it has made many a poor child’s schooldays a horrid chore. Don’t believe it,kids: your evil teachers will tell you "you’ll need it later in life". You bloody won’t –that’s why mobile phones have calculators.

Microsoft Windows has more holes than a Dutch brothel. Fact. But blaming Gates (and god knows we love to) is just passing the buck. We’re not all clever enough to install a UNIX based OS,but we should at least be smart enough to know that viruses can’t infect your system unless YOU let them. Serious advice: go to ‘Folder Options’ in ‘Control Panel’. Under the ‘View’ tab,UNCHECK ‘hide extensions for known file types’. Then you’ll be able to see whether that picture of Anna Kournikova really is a ‘.jpeg’,and not a

Some of the line-up was dross to be fair,except for (insert your favourite artist here – hell,I don’t want any more death threats).

Then,ten acts into the countdown, there they were – shining like a beacon of bewitchery,(at a lowly 41). The band that the IRA tried to assassinate. They have their own star on Hollywood boulevard (although so has everyone,including Toy Mic Trevor, these days). Yes,the last thing to go through Princess Di’s mind – not the windscreen,but her favourite band, Duran Duran.

There’s no two ways about it. If you don’t like Duran Duran,there is something fundamentally wrong with you. You’re probably either plankton, a chicken Mcnugget,or Hitler. Whatever the reason,you need them in your life. This is not empty rhetoric, dear reader; it is for improving the quality of life. Their ‘best of’ compilation entitled The Greatest is a superb place to begin...

*THISMAYNOTBETRUE - HE’SPROBABLYNOT WORLD FAMOUS.

James Anthony

( U n d e r r a t e d )

Stourbridge.co.uk states that their best export is "the glass industry". OTP begs to differ. Without Pop Will Eat Itself there’d be no Prodigy,no U2 doing Hold Me,Thrill Me,Kiss Me,Kill Me,and probably noThe Crystal Method. PWEI began in mediocrity – imagine a poor man’s Morrissey tribute act,in unholy union with early Joy Division,on smack. Then the 90s kicked in,and they discovered sampling and drum machines – roll on wicked tunes like Def.Con.One, Karmadrome and X,Y,And Zee. Look out for Live At Weird’s Bar And Grill. It’s rare as snake’s knees.

Ok,before you all go "BOOORING",and turn to read some other page with better writing and prettier pictures,take a moment to refresh your memory with Tristan’s words from last week: "Two years ago the executive team planned the notorious overhaul of the Taf. Last year they were responsible for taking this paper fortnightly. Without an intelligent and motivated executive,services will surely suffer.” It takes no time at all to make an informed decision as to who runs your union on your behalf. You really can make a difference.

(

TL e g e n d )

his is the album that everyone wishes they’d thought of. The Grey Album is billed as an “art project/experiment” (read: bootleg) taking the whimsical wordplay of JayZ's Black Album, and combining it with “new beats and production made using The Beatles’ White Album as the sole source material”.

Jay-Z released an acapella of his album in order to make remixes easier,but EMI didn’t partake of Roc-aFella’s ‘share-and-share-alike’ mentality. They’ve released a ‘cease and desist’ order to stop the bootleg being

DJ Danger Mouse

released. As this piece is written,Feb 24 is being hailed as ‘Grey Tuesay’, when a massive list of sites will make the album available for download (illegally),for 24 hours. This “co-ordinated civil disobedience” is unprecedented; not since the heyday of Napster has a protest this big been staged. It could result in a change in industry policy, but then,we can only hope.

Rolling Stone called The Grey Album “an ingenious hip-hop record that sounds strangely ahead of it’s time”. OTP cannot recommend it highly enough - a possible site for download is www.illegal-art.org. Due to legal reasons,we cannot condone you doing so... Fuck it. Do it anyway. Noone can stop you using KaZaA.

( T o s s e r )

Arnie says that gays represent “an imminent risk to civil order”,and they should not be allowed to get married. He’s ordered his top legal cronies to act against the city of San Francisco – but the injunction has so far been unsuccessful,due to SF’s new mayor,claiming that Arnie had failed to show evidence that the marriages would cause irreparable harm: “what’s happening is both lawful and loving.”

This has resulted in a mass exodus of gay men and lesbians to San Francisco to get hitched. President W Bananas has got involved,saying,“to prevent the meaning of marriage from being changed forever,our nation

must enact a constitutional amendment to protect marriage in America”.

Now,pardon me,but what two consenting adults choose to do with their recreation time is their goddamn business,and if they need a band around their fingers to make them feel better about it,then best of luck to them.

Pundits in the US are likening this to the backlash against racial segregation in America,a claim not totally unfounded given the weight of both George‘n’Arnie’s statements. Not only do the Americans have a daft religious zealot in charge of their country,but a gay-bashing misogynist in charge of one of their most powerful states,too. Can you say “repression”?

“I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman”

“People are pretty much alike.It’s only that our differences are more susceptible to definition than our similarities.”

-- Linda Ellerbee

“Marriage is a wonderful invention; then again,so is a bicycle repair kit.”

-- Billy Connolly

O T P 5

final

thoughts ( . . . )

"Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory."

-- Oscar Wilde

“When people hear good music,it makes them homesick for something they never had,and never will have.”

-- Edward W Howe

Do you eagerly await the next instalment of EastEnders or scream with frustration? Love or hate it,television is here to stay...

Justin Jeffreys FOR

Rachel Howells AGAINST Television

Critics regularly slam many new concepts that grace our screens during the coveted primetime slots. From the glitzy drama Footballers’ Wives to Channel 4 success Big Brother (not to mention the entire Channel Five agenda), columnists hastily criticise the shows that audiences find most appealing. However,the truth is simply that television is just as valuable an artefact as it always has been. It introduces more modern features that make turning on a more interactive,worthwhile and compelling experience.

With the proliferation of reality TV shows such as Pop Idol, Jamie's Kitchen and Holiday Showdown,it is alleged that these exploit naïve aspirations whilst shattering dreams along the way. But they contain one other aspect that few other shows can display - the element of audience interaction. Viewers like to feel involved when being entertained,and reality TV allows them control over who and what they watch. Even the celebrity specials (which subject us to the likes of Peter Andre’s ‘insania’ and wooing of Jordan) are in aid of charity and therefore must be positive!

While cynics focus on the less stimulating shows on the box,there are many examples that suggest that writers must use more sophisticated devices to absorb the audience into the programme. Take The Office,a more subtle form of wit,which fails to adopt typical comical traits such as laughter in the backdrop of scenes and therefore takes more intellect to find amusing. Modern dramas are no longer set in traditional institutions like police stations and hospitals. Instead they are centred around less mundane professions like the MI5,exemplified by Spooks and 24

Finally,television of this millennium undoubtedly provides viewers with variety and choice. Audiences have speedy access to information,with more news updates and more channels. Even without considering the satellite stations,BBC News 24 and ITN News provide us with efficient updates and information. Therefore, we gain access to the real world outside before the whole nation sinks into ignorance and dark depression over the final series of Friends.

We live in an era of increasing awareness and education. Judging from this you would think that the people in control of the television schedules would reflect this! Not so. Instead, viewers are subjected to an endless stream of dire and unimaginative ‘entertainment’. Don't sit still for too long - the rigor mortis could well set in. A brief glance at your TV guide for the week will convince any of you who disagree with this viewpoint.

Contained within is a bland and unappetising diet of soaps,repeats,home improvement shows,quiz shows and imports. But the worst insult to viewer's intelligence is the phenomenon of the reality show. Are our own lives really so monotonous that the only excitement we get is from watching moaning fame seekers have petty arguments over who's used all the loo roll? If that fascinated me so much,I'd never leave my own house.

Even worse is the recent I'm A Celebrity,Get Me Out Of Here. How could ITV be so cruel as to overdose us seven nights a week on the greasy Peter Andre and his desperate attempt to salvage a career that should have died out with shell suits and the Macarena? Not to mention his sleazy pawing of the cartoon-like Jordan - quite frankly,it’s sickening.

In fact,it seems that the only imagination left in television these days comes from deliberately trying to shock viewers. Dramas like Bad Girls and Footballers’Wives immediately spring to mind. The former is simply a glorified portrayal of a women's prison,full of rampant lesbians on drugs and corrupt prison officers. Footballers’Wives offers us little difference. Sure,they've got money and glamour,but the sordid antics stay the same,with storylines just as outrageous. A nurse playing out her sexual fantasies with a comatose manager is proof; obviously she could find nothing worth watching on TV.

You would think that the numerous digital and satellite channels would offer us diversity and innovation. However, we are bombarded with trashy soap operas,sports channels,chat shows and cartoons. If we're going to sit on our backsides all day at least offer us some stimulation. As it stands,modern television looks set to alienate its viewers completely.

ROCK SOLID ‘CREW

Sound of the Valleys - Anthony Lloyd speaks to new and chaotic Welsh rockers Jarcrew

Wales- quite idyllic isn’t it,all rolling hills and deep valleys, not really the place for loud in your face rock music? Well,it is actually. Think, in past few years Wales has released nu-metal giants Lostprophets and the emo-sensations Funeral For A Friend,and now there’s another loud and raucous band coming out of the Valleys. Jarcrew are chaotic,a cacophonous wall of noise that evokes memories of Fugazi and also…And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead. They released their debut album back in November and since then they have been touring relentlessly, giving the crowds an unmatched live show. But January saw them embark on their first headlining tour so how did they feel about the whole experience?

"The first couple of shows we didn’t quite take on board that we were headlining" revealed the insane frontman, Kellson. "You realise that although most of the people are there to see you, you carry on playing like a

support band." Drummer Rod added, "…Trying to win the crowd over even though most of them are won over."

“I think they can’t believe that people from Wales can actually make music!"

Rod Thomas

In case you haven’t realised Jarcrew are Welsh and are lumped in with every other Welsh band you can care to name,so how do they feel about this new ‘Welsh’ genre?

"We get compared a lot to Funeral For A Friend and Lostprophets which

is fine,but it’s because there are a lot of bands coming out of Wales", explains Kellson. Rod seems to have a more extreme view: "But there’s always been a lot of bands coming out of Wales. As soon as Coldplay came out they didn’t get pigeonholed with loads of English bands,you know,like the ‘new English.’ I think they can’t believe that people from Wales can actually make music!"

It is impossible to describe Jarcrew’s music,as Rod explains "I just wanted to sound like Jarcrew. Personality matters more,what you put into it rather than what it sounds like" Kellson puts it more simply,"As long as the tunes are good."

Exactly. And they are,fucking good. Don’t be put off by comparisons to Lostprophets,Jarcrew are the best new band in Britain,no question,and the Valleys ears will never stop ringing.

Jarcrew: Kellson, in action

Franz re-ignited

Franz Ferdinand are the best new band of 2004.Guitarist Nick McCarthy talks to Jamie Fullerton.Very quickly

1am,according to the rock star clock,is about 5am according to yours. Quench phones Nick McCarthy,guitarist with soon to be intergalactically huge Glasgow art rockers Franz Ferdinand at this ungodly hour,on the day of the Liverpool leg of the notoriously messy NME tour. A show which features apart from Franz,drug-jam party monsters The Rapture,grimy garage rockers The Von Bondies (whose singer Jason Stollsteimer recently got duffed up in a Detroit bar by Jack White while on a bender),and screamy flame-torch emo-ists Funeral For A Friend.

So as the tone rings,the image of a pile of dishevelled rock casualties dribbling puke and draped in groupies is formed,a muffled Nokia tone jingling away somewhere in the middle of it. Not the case: Nick answers within a few seconds,says his hellos,reels off fitful streams of excitability,then hangs up in order to go and bounce off a few walls. Skilfully managing to get a word in edgeways,we ask him to describe his music without using the words ‘indie’ and ‘rock’. "We’re POP music," he offers. "If the taxi

driver asks,we just say we’re a pop band who use guitars."

Well,Franz Ferdinand do make spectacular pop music: highlights such as Matinee and properly huge single Take Me Out ("we never expected it to get that far") from their near perfect self-titled debut album erupt with shoe scorching

“Unless one of us goes bonkers or something,what should stop us?”

danceability,with choruses the size of your mum’s buttocks. And everyone seems to love them: critics,indie shoegazing adolescents,teachers,dogs. Everyone. "We’ve been amazed at the different age groups that like us," agrees Nick. "Alex’s (Kapranos,Franz’s superstyled singer) uncle was at a recent gig, in the front row shouting ‘YEAH!’ Everyone I know seems to like our

music."

OK,so we all love Franz Ferdinand,and we might not have heard tunes so immense in our waking lives. But we’ve fallen in love with The Next Big Thing before,only to see our darlings dissolve into obscurity after their initial meteoric impact flattens. Why are the Franz different?

"What?” Nick spits. “What should stop us writing good music? If someone asked us to,we could write the second album now. The new songs are just as good as the ones on this album. Unless something goes wrong,one of us goes bonkers or something,what should stop us?"

So that’s fame and fortune sorted for the next ten years,then. And the best thing about being famous? Freebies! "We get in anywhere for free. We get free guitars,we’re on the road so we don’t need to pay rent,and people buy us drinks all the time. We don’t need money!"

And you thought students were freeloaders.

On a level

Alex Ali reports on Grassroots, the community youth project

You are 16-25 years old and homeless. You’re feeling alone,and detached. Now, you’re asking yourself “where do I go from here?”

On Charles Street,you’ll find Grassroots. This is a unique youth project set up in 1976 in response to the problem of the large number of homeless young people in Cardiff.

The former Lord Mayor of Cardiff, Albert Huwish,assigned a youth worker to find out what was going on; subsequently a Board of Trustees was established and Grassroots was born as a charity,and continues to maintain that status 28 years later.

The ideals of Grassroots are simple and are born of experience with dealing directly with young people. Grassroots have strong links with the Social Services,and have an Outreach programme of youth workers.

The Grassroots Outreach Team have just finished a city centre survey in conjunction with St David’s Partnership,in an attempt to find out what young people think about the city centre. The findings were that two thirds desired a place to skateboard safely. Grassroots is backing moves to make a number of proposed sites into the first skate park in Cardiff. Currently Callaghan Square is the primary site for this development. The idea has also received Assembly backing.

This is where Grassroots’ unique position comes into its own,The young people who go there are the ones who would benefit most from a skate park.

Music plays a large part in Grassroots. Promo Cymru have provided invaluable assistance recently to the music scene.

Recent successful events

have included a Battle of the Bands. The winners won recording time in the studio at Grassroots,and many of these people have returned to use the facilities. This is what Grassroots wants to happen: they want the young people to come back,to feel safe to express themselves in a positive way.

In the video department,a Creative Writing/Film-Making course was run in partnership with Scope and Cardiff University. Hefin Raymond and Jason Philips saw their three-minute films go on to scoop the Best Digital Video prize at the Golden Pixel Award Ceremony. The video department also had a hand in the Battle of the Bands competition, giving Grassroots a demo CD and pop video. As a direct result of this effort Grassroots applied to the National Lottery,asking for funding so that they could provide up to 10 young bands a

offering a place where young people can meet and chill out. Volunteers are always present and are there to offer an ear to whatever issues face each person on that particular day. There are many other additional facilities available. The internet is available free of charge,and is an invaluable resource for young people looking to get back into work. Café Kino is another typical example. It originally started as a monthly event,taking place in the coffee bar. It provided simple vegetarian food,combined with eclectic music. The core members of this project now own their own café in Bristol.

If you are in Cardiff and have some free time Grassroots are always looking for volunteers,and fresh ideas to further their project. The quality of the art,music and video coming out of Grassroots speaks volumes about the special set up there. If you want to experience it first-hand simply drop in or go to the tri-monthly showcases held at Chapter Arts Centre.

Grassroots are planning a Skatefest on March 28 on Churchill Way with quarter and half pipes to skate on,sounds and sets provided by IMTECH,and an after party taking place in the Union Bar. It’s a free day out,and some of the best skaters

A P o l a r p e r i l

Mari Ropstad explores the Norwegian Arctic and the fight against pollution there

If you have ever ventured on a journey to northern Norway you would probably think it inhospitable. The people who live in these parts of the world are subject to natural hazards hardly heard of on the continent. During the winter months the sun never rises,snow regularly buries cars and houses,and temperatures as low as 30 degrees below freezing are not uncommon.

You could be excused for thinking that it was not physically possible to travel any further north,but in the middle of the Arctic Ocean,some 640 kilometres north of Norway,lies Svalbard.

This group of islands is only a stone’s throw from the North Pole,situated at roughly the same latitude as Ellesmere Island in Canada and the northern parts of Greenland. The 2,500 inhabitants on Svalbard experience conditions similar to those in Norway at the end of the last Ice Age, 8,000 years ago. 60 per cent of the land area is permanently covered by ice,and the soil in the ice-free areas has permafrost.

Most of the settlements on the islands were created as a result of the coal mining industry and some of the mines are still in use today,particularly around the Russian settlement of Barentsburg. In other towns such as Longyearbyen and Ny-Ålesund research

bases are more common than mines these days. Svalbard offers unique opportunities for in-depth studies of subjects ranging from geology to the glaucous gulls to the ozone layer,but a number of restrictions and challenges apply because of the close proximity to the pole.

In an attempt to protect the vulnerable polar ecosystem,residents and researchers alike must be able to prove that their stay has a "meaningful purpose" such as employment. No pets are allowed because they can interfere with the natural fauna in the area and there are restrictions on the number of cars on the islands.

Cars would however not be your first choice of transport at Svalbard. In Longyearbyen there are only a small number of very necessary roads (one to the airport,one to the local shop). From November to May every year all roads are covered in snow. The best way to get around is on a snowmobile. Longyearbyen can be an amusing sight on Saturday morning when mothers drive their snowmobiles to the supermarket to get the week’s shopping with their children clinging onto the back and a gun under their arms in case of an unpleasant meeting with a polar bear.

The small,colourful houses of Longyearbyen hanging onto the steep

mountain sides on the shore of the Ice Fjord look rather lost in the vast white scenery of characteristically shaped mountains and glaciers that stretches out for miles behind them.

Temperatures can reach -46˚C,and from October to April there is no sunrise.

It is obvious that people were not meant to be here and it may indeed seem like this white barren land is resistant to and untouched by the actions of humans which have at best changed,at worst destroyed so many other ecosystems around the world.

Svalbard seems peaceful,strong and inaccessible,a place where the polar bears and the Arctic fox rules.

This is an illusion. Svalbard is in fact one of the most vulnerable areas on the planet. The ozone layer is thinner above the North Pole and global warming has caused a steady melting of ice and glaciers since the 1960s. Industry also has to take its part of the blame: there is increasing evidence that free-ranging populations of mammals,seabirds,and fishes have been impacted by exposure to persistent organic contaminants in the Arctic.

One group of such environmental pollutants are PCBs (polychlorinated biphenyls). These were used for industrial purposes from the 1930s to the 1970s,when their use and that of other pesticides such as DDT was discontinued. This was due to research revealing a significant decrease in a number of bird populations around the

Great Lakes of North America.

Studies of fish and fish-eating mammals elsewhere also revealed similar findings. Unfortunately the PCBs proved to be extremely resistant to environmental degradation and are spread by air and ocean currents. Most of these currents move from the industrialised areas of Europe and America to the North Pole. The cold Arctic environment acts as a sink where the semi-volatile,persistent contaminants are deposited and enter the marine food chain.

PCBs are lipophilic,which means they are stored in the blubber of marine species. The more fat,the more PCB. The diet of most polar wildlife is based on fat to provide enough energy in the cold,but with fat follows PCB. The bioaccumulative effect of PCB makes species at the top of the food chain such as glaucous gulls,polar bears and Arctic foxes subject to the highest levels of PCB contaminants,which they then pass on to their offspring through the naturally high fat content in eggs and milk.

But why is this dangerous to polar wildlife? Jonathan Verrault,who is currently working on his PhD thesis concerning PCB and glaucous gulls at the Norwegian Polar Institute,explains that it is very difficult to produce definite results when working with populations of wild animals: "There are a number of confounding factors that we have little knowledge about and are unable to control in our models.

"For example we cannot always tell the exact age of an animal without removing a tooth from polar bears or putting down birds. Diet and body condition are also important parameters we cannot control,but which may influence findings."

Research has however indicated that PCB interferes with a number of biological functions in polar wildlife. Perhaps most importantly,organic contaminants are believed to be so called endocrine

disrupters,which interfere with the natural hormone balance or homeostasis in animals. Changes in this homeostasis may have consequences for reproduction,metabolism and the immune system,although little is known about the exact causative agents.

Elisabeth Lie,a toxicologist is currently working on her PhD thesis concerning PCB and polar bears at the National Veterinary Institute and The Norwegian School of Veterinary Science. She points out that "although PCB may have an effect on grown up animals,the main emphasis of research has been on the foetus and how PCB may generate general high level developmental and behavioural stress in the early stages of life.

"The discovery of two pseudo-hermaphrodite cubs (ie bears with both female and male reproductive organs who are thus sterile) has caused much concern although no certain causal relationship between hermaphrodites and PCB levels has yet been established."

More research is needed,but funding is a problem. It is not cheap to work in remote corners of the world such as Svalbard and if working with polar bears a helicopter is necessary in order to locate and capture the bears.

An alternative way of exploring the effects of PCB on animal health has been to expose animals such as rats, goats,cows and rabbits to controlled levels of PCBs. Among the results were higher rates of embryo mortality following chronic PCB application in the rabbit and the cow. These findings have frequently been used to extrapolate studies of effects in wild animal populations.

"Although no definite conclusions of the effects have been reached by the studies conducted so far,it is important to be aware of any contaminants affecting the endocrine system. High levels of

PCBs in polar bears combined with changes in diet or the climate may prove to have a fatal effect on the bear population," says Lie.

Polar bears and glaucous gulls are not the only species affected by environmental contaminants; humans are as well. The UK Committee on Toxicity has advised a maximum daily intake of PCBs because they "have the potential to cause a wide range of diverse health effects". The same government appointed committee also noted that "intakes of dioxins and dioxin-like PCBs by breastfed babies are higher than is desirable."

The main human sources of PCB are fish such as salmon,crayfish and eggs from certain bird species. This has,for example,led to recommendations of restricted consumption of products of marine origin in various regions in Norway.

The people in the world with the highest levels of PCB are the Inuit, probably because of their diet consisting of marine mammals such as seals. The level of environmental contaminants in the breast milk of Inuit women is ten times higher than for any other people in the world. This is worrying if PCB proves to have a similar effect on the human foetus as has been indicated in studies of animal foetuses. As a result research on endocrine disrupters has been an important goal of European Research policy since 1995 and a wide range of research programmes are currently trying to identify the exposure routes and to analyse the risk both to humans and animals are currently being undertaken.

Money in the sun

More and more students want to spend time working abroad,but the different options can be confusing. Madeleine Lowry and Vicky Allen show us the way

For many students looking to take a year out after graduation,or a sandwich year in the middle of their degree,working abroad is a tantalising prospect. However,there is a lot of paperwork that must be endured if this what you wish to do. For example,you will most likely need to obtain a medical certificate, travel insurance and a visa,all of which mean forms,forms,forms. There are also many paths and options on offer if you wish to work abroad,but we have looked at three of the most popular options and tried to simplify the huge amount of information available.

Student Volunteering Abroad

You get to travel while working and doing something worthwhile. There are around 100 agencies that organise voluntary work placements that vary from a few weeks in duration to more longer-term positions (ie two

years or more). Different schemes may or may not provide travel, accommodation,food and pocket money. Applications should be made well in advance of when you would like to leave.

You pay: an administration fee in most cases,to the organisation that arranges your placement. If you would like to raise money for your trip it may be worth looking for the Directory of Grant Making Trusts or the Grant Making Trusts CD-ROM 2003. Some local councils and charities may also offer limited grant schemes,and some organisations may suggest ways to fund-raise.

You get: great experience and the knowledge that you are helping a struggling community. An advantage with employers,who are beginning to value charity work much more highly.

Problems: you need to apply well in advance,as there are often limited places for volunteers. Also,most projects require skills or experience and some agencies aim at particular religious creeds. Also,some companies may be more interested in profit than charity – therefore you may find that the work you are doing is not as necessary or helpful as you would like it to be. You may need to properly research the country you are visiting,and be aware that,although you normally choose the country you wish to visit,you often don’t get to choose which area or town you will stay in.

Find out more: the Careers Office keeps the following information publications in stock: Worldwide Volunteering for Young People, Finding Voluntary Work Abroad , The International Directory of Voluntary Work,and Overseas Jobs Express (which lists worldwide work opportu-

nities).

Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL)

TEFL provides you with the opportunity to spend a year in another country doing paid work and fitting into the new culture as a part of it,rather

You will need a medical certificate, travel insurance and a visa, all of which mean forms, forms,forms

than as a tourist. Often,vacancies can be obtained by asking schools if they need teachers,as many TEFL jobs are given on the spot,rather than advertised.

You pay: £1000+ for a TEFL certificate if you are completing it in Britain. It can be cheaper abroad. However,if you want to work in countries like China,Japan or South Korea,you may not have to pay this, as they are more desperate for teachers and so might not require a TEFL certificate.

You get: the typical salary is £1216,000 a year but this may be decreased by not having the TEFL certificate. The cost of living abroad is often cheaper than staying in Britain. EF English First are currently looking for people to teach English in China and Indonesia on a 12-month contract. They are willing to reimburse you for your flights,visa and health insurance,as well as giving you paid holidays and a competitive local salary.

Problems: you have to offer a real commitment to getting your TEFL certificate. Trinity College stipulates that you work in a school for a minimum of 130 hours over four weeks,but in reality,one person who completed the course was often in school from 11am to 10pm. You also have to do extra work at home,in the form of a bulky teacher practise log,which is a lot like coursework.

et money of approximately £450 to cover your stay at the camp.

You need: an application form,three references and two smiling passport-

Smile: you’re going to need a lot of passport photos

Be wary of week-long crash courses in TEFL; they are not proper qualifications as the Cambridge CELTA and Trinity College TESOL certificates are. These both provide internationally recognised certificates of your ability.

Find out more: at www.tefl.com as well as in educational supplements in broadsheets such as the Guardian, which list vacancies abroad. You could also contact the British Council for more information.

CCUSA

This entails 9-11 weeks at a summer camp in the USA looking after 5-16 year olds and getting to participate in activities as diverse as photography, sailing,horse riding,dance,rockclimbing,art and water-skiing. You can also travel all over the world as a camp counsellor in CCUSA’s international camps (unlike with the similar scheme Camp America,which is based in America only).

You pay: The deposit for the programme is £70,and when accepted, you pay an additional £229,as well as your travel costs to Heathrow.

You get: a free return flight from London to New York,and you have the option of staying in America after the camp ends to travel and sightsee. You also get fully comprehensive travel insurance for three months and pock-

style photographs. You will also have to produce an autobiographical essay explaining why you would be a great participant. If accepted after a final face-to-face interview,you then need to get a visa and medical certificate.

Problems: you have to get up at 7am every morning to begin activities and the older campers don’t go to sleep until 10.30pm. Some camps have a curfew for counsellors and you cannot smoke or drink in the camp, or go out and come back drunk. Good,clean fun could become a bit boring after a while. It is too late to apply for this summer, but CCUSA holds recruiting events in major cities, including Cardiff,in February of each year.

Travel 13 Permits and visas

British citizens with a full passport can work anywhere in EU/EEA countries for up to three months without a visa or workpermit. However,if you are looking into a longer stay,you will need to get a residence permit. You must check procedures for this with the consulate or embassy of the country you are going to before you leave the UK, as procedures differ from country to country.

If you are planning to work in a country outside of the EU,it is vital to check what visas are required before entering the country. However,visas are not automatic; there are only a set number of visas available each year.

Working Holiday Visas are available for countries such as Australia. These are available for 18-30 year olds and allow you to legally work for up to one year. In order to qualify,the main reason for the visit must be for a holiday. You must also show that you have at least £2,000,and a return ticket or additional funds to buy one.

www.workpermit.co.uk offer good, clear outlines of what visas will be needed.

Find out more: at www.ccusa.co.uk or the careers service has information on CCUSA and Camp America.

Estas papando moscas?

Perri Lewis takes you on a culinary trip to Mexico in our new series on international food.Que bien!

The jokes about Mexicans are plentiful,but from my experience they are totally unfounded. However,when travelling around the country I found that some of the assumptions many of us hold about Mexican cuisine are true. Old El Paso may have us believe that a Mexican diet consists solely of tortillas.

This,you’d think,is just hyperbolic advertising. Surprisingly,this isn’t that far from the truth. They are eaten with everything and anything,no matter what time of the day. Tortillas are the bread of Mexico and the foundation of nearly all meals. They can be filled with a wide range of food and form the base of some of the most well known Mexican dishes: fajitas (tortillas filled with vegetables,rice and usually chicken),enchiladas (usually more meat orientated) and quesillas (a kind of tortilla sandwich). These three dishes were also the ones I encountered the most when eating around central and eastern Mexico. Like tortillas,tacos can also be filled with vegetables and meats,but rather than being soft they are crispy, just like a big nacho. However,I only seemed to find these in the more Westernised areas of Palenque and Cancun where meals contrasted drastically with the food I ate in rural Mexico.

Hiking around some of the villages of Oaxaca,our group was greeted with wonderful hospitality from the communities we explored. At many stages of our trek we were served food more typical of the true Mexico such as refried beans,rice and chillies. Though I wasn’t too sure what we were eating at first,I came to,er,tolerate it. A word of warning about refried beans; they are what they say on the tin. I’m convinced that our leftovers were given to us the following day and the day after…

Nevertheless,it’s in areas like these that you sample the more traditional Mexican food. I was particularly excited about trying fried cactus, but found it tasted just like marrow. Red cacti fruits are also widely eaten and often served on the streets. At first it’s hard not to buy them when it’s so hot and they look so juicy,but when you see all the insects crawling on them it becomes much easier to resist and opt for a

bottle of water instead.

While the fruit of the spiked plant are all lovely,the cactus also has a dark side. It can be transformed into an alcoholic drink more deadly than anything found behind the union bar. We met some Americans in one of the hostels who introduced us to ‘polque’ (or that’s what I think it’s called - no one can remember!),a cactus-based drink which continues to ferment in your stomach. It releases more alcohol after you’ve drunk it,explaining why most of us were more drunk in the morning than when we went to bed!

However impressed I was with this,I cannot fail to mention one Mexico’s most favoured exports. Although I didn’t actually visit the town of Tequila,I can claim to have sampled my fair share. I can also correct a constantly repeated myth; tequila isn’t bottled with a worm in. That privilege is reserved for another Mexican drink called mescal. This toxic drink could offer more to a decorator than paint stripper does. We managed to get hold of some real stuff, made in the mountains of Mexico. It obviously wasn’t being sold legally because we bought it by the Coke bottle!

It’s clear that Mexico can offer much to the average Cardiff student and all other connoisseurs of fine spirits. However,it can also boast a great array of tasty foods. What I find so appealing is that the people of Mexico eat tortillas,refried beans and cactus every day; traditional foods are part of their diet as well as their cultural identity.

Cookery corner: Vegetable fajitas

Vegetable stir fry

1 red pepper

1 yellow/ orange pepper

2 medium onions

6 medium carrots

2 tins of chopped tomatoes

Dice the carrots and boil until soft. While the carrots are boiling,dice the onions and begin to fry. While cooking these,chop the peppers into thin slices and add to the frying onions. When soft,add all vegetables into a wok or saucepan. Add the tinned tomatoes and simmer. Slices of chicken or quorn could also be added.

Guacamole

Using a knife,peel two medium sized avocados carefully. Slice sections off until you are left with the stone. Place the sliced avocado in a bowl and mash with a fork until a paste is formed. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Warm the tortillas and serve the vegetables wrapped in the tortillas with guacamole,salsa,sour cream and grated cheese on top.

Mood food

Sad? Tired? Losing concentration? Food has a much greater effect on our mood and state of mind than most people realise. Kim Lyon explains

Drinking,drugs and sex: ah, the joys of student life. Whether consciously or not,these activities canmediate our well being.And in our hedonistic pursuits,an important influence on our mood is often overlooked: food. Sorry to be your mum about this, but if you spend nights annihilated (and if you’ve managed this by sex, then you may want to consult a manual… or write one) then it is crucial you try to look after yourself in daytime. The substances we consume during our sober hours can have an enormous impact on our mood.More than the neurotic’s guilt trip after scoffing 100g of Dairy Milk,or the warm nostalgia of stodgy puds drowned in custard,our diet can have significant impact on anxiety,depression,mood swings,and sleep patterns.

When 200 people were surveyed as part of a Food and Mood Project (in conjunction with MIND charity),80 per cent claimed that ‘nutritional self-help’ was useful in improving their mood.If you’re thinking “that’s nice,but I’m not a moody git”,then bite your tongue: changes in diet also promote clearer skin,improved attention and concentration.

Out of those surveyed,79 per cent said their mood improved after eliminating caffeine and/or sugar. In fact –brace yourself for the bad news –sugar,caffeine,alcohol,and chocolate were reported to aggravate mood swings.Other baddies were additives, dairy produce and saturated fats. If you suspect any of these are influ-

encing your mood,eliminating one at a time from your diet for a week should identify culprits. Or if,like me,you are trying to remember what the five food groups were before Dr Atkin andhis protein fascism skimmed the nation’s belief in balanced nutrition,here is a reminder of the good guys.

“Let food be your medicine, and medicine be your food” Hippocrates

The number one mood aid is water. Apparently it gets more oxygen into the blood stream,which acts to decrease stress. Alcohol and caffeine are both diuretics,so when you drink these have more water too.As food goes, there are many wives’ tales that chocolate makes you happy; oysters are known to be aphrodisiacs and so on. Oysters are also known to taste weird, and unlikely to be gracing the shelves of your local Happy Shopper. Chocolate,on the other hand,is contentious,and there is no way I’m arguing against the PMT masses by saying it isn’t comforting. However,go for darker chocolate where possible,as this has higher levels of iron and other minerals. Less exciting,but just as important,are vegetables,fruit,oil rich fish,seeds and wholegrain foods. None of these involve doubling your grocery bill,or becoming a soya devotee. While mackerel has yet to make it as a taste sensation,the variety within each of these food categories means that there is bound to be something you like.

There are some specific vitamins and minerals linked to certain ailments. For example,low levels of the trace mineral selenium have been

linked to depression,anxiety and fatigue. Brazil nuts are an exceptionally rich source,but selenium can also be found in cereal grains,meat and fish.

When under stress,your body uses more of vitamins B,A,C and E. Fortified breakfast cereals are good supplies for when you can’t make time for fresh fruit and veg,but take note, the milk washes off soluble added vitamins.

Alcohol,as well as being a notorious depressant,depletes levels of vitamins C and B,zinc and magnesium.Some forms of the contraceptive pill can zap levels of B vits,but this can be easily remedied by the occasional slice of marmite on wholemeal toast.

For some,including ‘food supporters’may require dietary makeovers. Just by eating little and often,you can become a nicer person to be around, because your blood sugar levels will remain relatively stable. If that sounds like effort,then remember,taken in small doses,food has been shown to prevent death,and even hunger.

Cookery corner: Food to lift your mood

Banana cake

8oz white self-raising flour

1/4 tsp. bicarbonate of soda

50g butter

2 eggs

3 ripe bananas

2 teaspoons ground all spice

Topping

50g curd cheese

Grated zest of 1/2 lemon and dash juice

25g caster sugar

Preheat oven to 180˚C. Place all cake ingredients into food processor for a few minutes. Mix all thoroughly. Pour into 1kg greased loaf tin and bake for 1 1/4 hrs until skewer inserted comes out clean. Make topping shortly before you intend to eat cake. Mix topping ingredients until thoroughly blended,but don’t overdo it as lemon juice can cause cheese to curdle.

Scarsand stripes

Many London labels are dreampt up in the rarefied environments of St Martin’s College,with ideas inspired only by guest lecturers and old editors of Vogue. In sharp contrast, though,Red Dot was born out of an intoxicating session in a Soho pub.

With co-founders Keiron Hurley and Charlie Caplowe at the helm,their disrespect for fashion pretence and true understanding of pop culture has formed these cult designs. With Keiron successfully running Acid Jazz,one of the most influential record labels of the 90s,and Charlie continuing to head up a leading independent music PR company,Red Dot was created in 2000.

Best known for its trompe l’oeil prints and twisted humour,Red Dot has already been reponsible for several classic T-shirts and print designs including ‘Headphones’ (in Arena magazine’s top 10 of all time) and ‘Girlie Cameo’. The

brand is based as much on attitude as on fabrics with a high quality production, making Red Dot unmistakable in the crowded marketplace.

In March of this year,Red Dot opened its first stand alone store in London on Newburgh Street where the first collection of denim,accessories,casual and outwear is housed. It is thought to be the world’s first store which sells off all its furniture at the end of each season before entirely redesigning its space. Red Dot is also sold in the leading fashion stores around the globe including Liberty,Purple and 40 Degrees.

To further validate the credibility of the label designated as the “next big thing”by the Sunday Times style magazine in October 2003,Red Dot is now backed by the dons of denim,Evisu, enabling them to produce bigger and better collections for a new,wider audience.

Start the new season with a must have pair of jeans Fashion Dons of denim

In Red Dot’s new Spring collection America’s underbelly is reworking into a cutting edge high style,courtesy of their biggest and sharpest range yet.

From ‘Santa Monica Crack Club’ flock prints to silk bowling shirts,zip-up miniskirts and ‘Nuns and Moses’ rock prints,Red Dot trawl the mid-western wastelands to create their latest,twisted,knowing trompe l’oeil masterpieces. But the collection has more than on-the-money prints. Equal emphasis is placed on new garments,for instance Harrington jackets and collegiate cardigans,which incorporate innovative detailing. The safety pin zip-up pullers,appliquéd silk panels and unique fabrics provide for an original and unique clothing range.

On receiving the bundle of goodies up in the gair rhydd office,the Quench fashion team were particularly impressed by the fine detail of this original urban attire. The female writers among us were all after the tight indigo Gun Worker jeans,which have a gun imprint on the back pocket. For the boys,a favourite was the Zip Jacket in an ever popular army green. Red Dot clothing wear is clearly for the more fashion-conscious students among us. Though the clothes may stretch your student budget,rest assured that you are buying into a fresh and individual clothing range. Red Dot have made the clothes suitable for lectures during the day and partying in Cardiff at night.

COMPETITION - Spot The Difference

For the chance to win one of the stylish Red Dot T-shirts in red or white,modelled above by our very attractive model Ben,see if you can spot the four differences in how he is dressed.

Email grfashion@cf.ac.uk with your answer,name and telephone number.

Photography: Lyndsay Davies

Models: Bex Singleton,Caroline Ellis,Ben Jack

Gay Z to

By Ian Loynd

The tempestuous debate over gay marriage is again in the spotlight after Conservative leader Michael Howard announced his support for civil unions. In a recent speech to the Policy Exchange,Mr Howard said: “Many couples now choose not to marry. And more same-sex couples want to take on the shared responsibilities of a committed relationship.”

This is a welcome change to a party which is seen as having few links with our modern diverse society and is part of Howard’s plan for a new Conservative Party. Conservative support for civil union guarantees its pass through the Commons and makes opposition in the House of Lords more difficult.

Howard,who supervised the introduction of Section 28 - banning the promotion of homosexuality in schools - has not completely abandoned his traditionalist views. He added “Civil partnership differs from marriage. Marriage is a separate and special relationship.

“To recognise civil partnersip is not in any way to denigrate or downgrade marriage. It is to recognise that people want to live their lives in different ways.”

How important is the civil partnership act to young gay people? It could be crucial. Not only does it recognise gay relationships as valid and important but it also has unbounded legal implications.

I urge the goverment to unite in its support for the act. Gay people in loving and committed relationships deserve the same rights offered by our state as any other couple.

Newspapers N

Gay press is everywhere. Even our supermarkets stock publications such as Gay Times, Attitude and Diva. And why not? They are lifestyle and interest magazines like any other,and a lot more interesting than Fisherman’s Weekly Notably,a large amount of gay press is free of charge,often found in gay pubs and clubs. The free gay newspaper is designed to inform, promote and protect. The most famous of such papers, Pink Paper, does just this. Others,such as Boyz,are just excuses to take pictures of attractive young men. In pants. Or not.

Outrage! is a gay political activism group which strives for equality for homosexuals. Unlike it’s bigger brother,Stonewall,Outrage! adopts an ‘in your face’ approach. They are less successful than Stonewall in achieving reform yet their work should be praised.

It is not often you see two men kissing in Creation or two women walking hand in hand down Queen Street. Public displays of affection are bizarrely still taboo. It is understandable that on a Saturday night after the rugby,kissing your boyfriend in town may not be in the interest of your own safety. But surely we could be a little more open when doing our weekly shop in Tesco?

Gay people who moan about not being able to be themselves in public should help the heterosexual population by demonstrating that it’s OK to cuddle your same-sex partner in the pub.

Strange but true

LIARS

TheyWere Wrong,So We Drowned Mute

Some fucked up shit,this. Liars main man

Angus Andrew (he who makes Karen O scream "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!") and his motley two have recorded a concept album about witchcraft that totally prises them away from the NYC garage rock clique they previously moved and shook in.

Musically,it sounds like two dozen Blair Witches trying to break out of a radiator while someone’s brother plays Space Invaders in the middle of a hurricane named Trisha. So at first,pretty obviously,

Auf Der Maur

EMI

While Courtney Love has spent the time between the final Hole album and her solo release appearing in various courts and generally causing havoc,her former

it pours straight out of the opposite ear as a whirlwind of throbbing weirdness. But Angus and co have such a pedigree-soaked master-grasp on spooky dynamics that what should remain as messy as a recently bombed dog food factory welds together more and more with every listen,eventually morphing into a fanged gigantaur whole that makes as much sense as toe-tapping to a Franz Ferdinand chart buster. Fucked up? Sure. But shit? No! No! No!

Jamie Fullerton

band mate Melissa Auf Der Maur has been hiding away writing one the best heavy rock albums of the past decade. Auf Der Maur is a melodic take on stoner rock with Melissa revealing that she has a soft,emotionfilled voice that could rival PJ Harvey. Anthony Lloyd

THE BELLES

Omertá Eat Sleep

Hailing from Kansas this lofi duo make music to watch the clouds drift by. If you like the odd Foo Fighters ballad then this dreamy sunset of an album will

make you float and fly. While influenced by acts such as Crowded House and Ben Harper this is more akin to Turin Brakes' hazy acoustic ambience. An accomplished and subtle debut album. Though Omertá? A wee bit pretensious methinks. Craig Driver

Infiltrate.Destroy. Rebuild Mercury

This is a re-release from the guys who are probably best known for their association with TV’s Jackass. However, CKY’s music appears a surprise package,as it in no way resembles the clowning around linked with Jackass With riffs to make even the most hardcore Rage Against The Machine fan sweat with anticipation,this album definitely has the potential for a long stint in your stereo. Will Schmidt

FERRY CORSTEN

Right Of Way Positiva

It’s like the superclub never went away! Ferry Corsten clearly hasn’t moved on from the days when trance ruled the nightclubs,as his album is full of those annoying eurodance records that populate late 90s dance compilations. The best moments on the album are when he tries his hand at electroclash (Whatever) or chill (Sweet Sorrow). Unless you’re off your face on drugs or consider Paul Van Dyk a musical genius,everything else is deeply repetitive dirge.

Gary Andrews

Oh No!

Hut

For those who saw Crackout on the last tour,you should recognise many of the songs on Oh No! as this

is the new material played during those gigs. The main difference from early material is a more melodic twist to this album,but the same Crackout sound is still there. There's nothing on this album with as high an impact as some of the tracks from This Is Really Neat,but some highlights include Robots Have Feelings and All This Colour. If you're new to Crackout then check out This Is Really Neat first,but all in all this second album is a decent follow up. Samuel Mills

NY

Muscle Motor/Gigolo

Hell is the musical svengali who brought us the much hyped but short lived Fischerspooner. With this in mind,it is perhaps surprising that he has wisely chosen to steer clear of any electroclash pomp,and instead has produced an album of industrial electronica,which ranges from the requisite bleeps and squeaks of Keep On Waiting to the plain scary ‘noire electronique’ of Let No Man Jack. In a word, bizarre. Chris Brown

Shatterproof Is Not A Challenge

Columbia

That difficult second album. It's a hurdle that countless bands have seemed to stumble over. Do you deviate from people's expectations and push the envelope? Or do you rest on your laurels and give a carbon copy of the first album?

This is the difficult position that Hundred Reasons find themselves in after the success of 2002's exceptional Ideas Above Our Station

From the malicious groove of opener Savanna, anyone expecting a repeat of their debut will be disappointed. Shatterproof... is far more melancholic and introspective than it's predecessor,but sadly the risk of taking a more sombre direction sometimes backfires on the Aldershot quintet. Songs like Lullaby and 80mph merely drift by and album closer Makeshift is everything that its title suggests.

By no means a bad album,just a disappointing one as Hundred Reasons are more capable than this mediocrity suggests.

Ben Wright

The Exorcist

Too Pure Ill Ease (aka multi-instumentalist Elizabeth Sharp) has created 30 minutes of understated lo-fi indie in the Domino Records vein, in which she sings gruffly but beautifully about taking drugs,feeling shit,and hating the ‘careless rich’. The persistent percussive, bassy rhythm combined with various subtle loops, beats and riffs permeates the consciousness leaving you unwittingly mesmerised. Needs to be sat down and listened to properly,but well worth the effort. David Ford

THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

We Shall All Be Healed 4AD

The Mountain Goats' previous album, Tallahassee,had some of the finest lyrics of 2003. In their new release the subject matter of the songs has changed from love to smack,but the overall sound is much the same: stripped-down,poetic American indie. Because of this it feels like a musical

Albums 21

retread at times,but some of the songs (Mole in particular) are outstanding,if somewhat harrowing. Recommended,then,rather than essential. Cassidy Phillips

THE NECTARINE NO.9

Great title. Although very little else going for it. A load of putrid psychedelic crap The Flaming Lips would have sneezed out in the early 80s,and would have been rightfully ignored for, stirred in a thick sludge with Beatles harmonies waggled out on a pitchbender,and a coma-inducing overuse of the theremin. At times (and this is being VERY generous here) it reeks of a Pavement bsides album,providing Pavement choose to forget to plug any of their instruments in the right sockets and make their guitars sound like phlegm beingcoughed up when recording their b-sides. But great title though. John Widdop

ILove Total Destruction Beggar’s Banquet

The Power Out Too Pure

The Steve Albini-recorded The Power Out is an album of beautifully soaring electro-indie that builds on luminaries such as Stereolab, Broadcast and Yo La Tengo,morphing their influences into a selection of gentle ballads, lively dance,and jazzy post-rock.

Four different languages are used on the album,starting with the French lyrics of playful opener Gone Under Sea,through to the lively piano-led jaunt of instrumental closer

Turn It Up

Virgin Opening track Don’t Say It appears to be promising with its urban vocals and

You Make Me Weak At The Knees

The most notable track has to be The Valleys,which features layered choral readings of Siegfried Sassoon’s A Letter Home and manages to sound immense,fragile, and powerful all at once. Similarly This Deed features a line from Nietzsche unnervingly repeated over and over. Elsewhere are happy bleeps,sad rhythms,and a Spanish sonnet.

The Power Out is a superb album. Turn off the lights,lie back,and immerse yourself in its charm and beauty. David Ford

soul sound,but that soon changes with a bassline that sounds like someone’s hit the demo button on the keyboard one too many times. It doesn’t get much better with each track

Lay of the Land Matador

Quite simply,the album is a revelation. It's a raw, unadorned burst of flayed guitars,emotion,and sheer propulsive energy. The album in question being Dry by PJ Harvey,as opposed to this one. Seachange aspire to something similar,but for the most part the listening experience is unfortunately more clinging than gripping. That said,their track Forty Nights is just over a minute long and kicks titanic amounts of arse.

Cassidy Phillips

Marshall’s House North Country Records

Given how shite his first solo album was,one might have thought Squire would have returned with something new. He hasn’t. It’s the same softly strummed affair as before,and though Squire can be credited for the decent Hotel Room it soon starts to drag and the eject button is an imminent choice. I’d say it were boring and forgettable were it not for Squire’s memorably awful voice. Dad-rock at its worst. Samuel Strang

ZERO 7

When It Falls Ultimate Dilemma

sounding pretty much like the last. Quite frankly this record is a pile of shit! The sound of nails scratching down a blackboard would be more welcoming.

Sarah Ahmad

Someone once said that Zero 7 were nothing more than ‘lukewarm bath music’ (“that would have been me, then”- well lathered Music Ed) and well,it is,but damn good bath music. This is only the second album from core members Sam Hardaker and Henry Binns and is more of the same chilled out soul that made Simple Things a big hit. It’s nothing groundbreaking but it is the perfect sound track to a hungover Sunday. Why not have a bath? Anthony Lloyd

LAST PARTISAN Live 23

EngineRooms,Cardiff

Monday 26 January

When every band member these days is sporting some sort of T-shirt advertising a fish restaurant and trying to look like Funeral For A Friend,it’s good to see some kids making an effort. Homemade stencilled shirts are the order of the day for Last Partisan. And the ‘Dare To Think’ slogan emblazoned over the guitarist’s chest isn’t the only debt that these young upstarts owe to The Clash.

The band energetically tear through half an hour of infectious,grimy punk tunes. Singer Adam Chard’s distinctive,screeching Henry Rollins-esque vocals perfectly complement the jarring musical backdrop.

Despite their evident nervousness (this is their first gig),songs like Start The Riot throb with the sort of raw energy and excitement that establish the band as a worthy rival to more established Cardiff noisemongers like Mclusky or Jarcrew.

Maria Thomas

JOSS STONE

Fleece & Firkin,Bristol

Thursday 5 February

On a cold wet Thursday,the Fleece is red hot with anticipation for Joss Stone,who tonight is coming to the end of her sold out tour of the UK. The hype around this shy,yet striking Devonshire 16-year-old has been nothing short of phenomenal,and with her current album The Soul Sessions recently breaking into the top 10 she is bound to get even bigger.

Tonight the hype doesn’t let her down,and live even her new songs (taken from her forthcoming second album) are just as raunchy and sexedup as favourites such as Fell In Love With A Boy. Backed by a lively and energetic band,she even takes time out to sing a happy birthday,adding to the beautiful intimacy of the gig. Cynics will tell you that her age will be her bearing,but when the performance is this good,who cares?

Dave Jennings

Barfly,Cardiff

Saturday 21 February

Firstly,an admission: I haven’t heard the new album by solo NYC songwriter Ed Hamell. Usually I’d punish myself

for this flagrant unprofessionalism by lacerating my face with shards of ripped-up plastic pint cup. Tonight though,it doesn’t seem to matter. Hamell On Trial live really does seem to be unique,semi-spontaneous even. Jokes,anecdotes and rants overcome their traditional status as interludes, and here inhabit and define the songs themselves. While the music on Hamell’s albums is basically a synthesis of New York Rock,his sophisticated and involving lyrics keep it interesting. Hamell on stage,however,is even better,like watching a motormouth stand-up comic thwacking a songwriter with a 1937 acoustic guitar. It takes charisma and confidence to hold an audience for over an hour with nothing but your voice and a very old guitar. But it’s no wonder that Hamell is so assured and conversational when he has such accomplished command of both instruments. His NYC drawl is warm and endearing,and his delivery is ebullient: Hamell can immediately engage an audience by simply barking “true story!” for an introduction. As a comic,Hamell has good timing,and his humour is so naturally honest that it’s easy to forgive the fact that his approach and mic technique owes everything to Bill Hicks.

Hamell loves his antiquated guitar (there’s a song all about it),and uses it to rouse an impressive clatter: in place of a coda,chords are pelted out in flurries,faster and faster,until they seem to collide with each other,and a perfectly thrilling cacophony is achieved. Hamell,looking satisfied with the racket,now raises his plectrum for the crowd to worship,before starting a new tale. He is wholly in control,and the crowd – mostly 30something Uncut readers (Hamell writes a column for the mag which, suspiciously,has been his biggest supporter,awarding him album of the month twice) – are basically his bitches.

In these dark days of detached pseudo-hipster nonchalance,Hamell is one of few truly cool artists prepared to actually talk to the audience as equals.

He’s not a preacher,or a pretender; and when he’s railing against media corporations being employed as state apparatus,he’s exactly what we need. Chewie

To baldly go... Hamell On Trial strums the Barfly into submission

Photo: Simon Shoulders

LOSTPROPHETS THE BRONX AVENGED SEVENFOLD

Great Hall,Cardiff Friday 20 February

Despite what's said in the music press,there is no denying that Lostprophets have a massive fan base. On a freezing night this is evident to see by the thousands queuing up to get inside and catch a glimpse of the Welsh sextet. Supported by metallers

Avenged Sevenfold and the hotly tipped The Bronx,it was always going to be a

spectacular show and there was no disappointment.

Avenged Sevenfold are one of those bands not afraid to show their roots. They are unashamedly heavy metal. In a music industry too obsessed on image and labels it was refreshing to see a band who simply want to play the music they love. There are no gimmicks here,just four guys playing as intense and as heavy as possible. Next up was The Bronx. Unfortunately,they didn't quite live up to the reputation that they seem to be fast building. There were glimpses of brilliance but sandwiched between these two bands they just seem a bit indifferent.

Finally Lostprophets appear to the delight of the crowd. It has to be said that their new material does seem to be more mainstream but it’s also frighteningly more catchy and generally better written. Starting with the aptly titled We Still Kill The Old Way and end-

ing on hit Burn Burn it is becoming fast apparent that the Prophs are a band far more content with these songs. Whatever NME labels them (numetal,popmetal,fashioncore,etc.) this band's strength has always been their live show. They always give their best and you always go home feeling that you’ve got your money’s worth. Top marks. Matt Aplin

Lost boys: The ‘prophets burn up the Great Hall

Photos:Gemma Griffiths

HOT PUPPIES

Barfly,Cardiff

Tuesday 10 February

Think Austin Powers outfits,a sheriff, an atmosphere of small dedicated fans,alongside a funky Letters To Cleo-style beat. You have just nailed the style of Hot Puppies. From the small town of Aberystwyth,they definitely have some style. The funky beat of their songs such as Why Dont You Hold Me No More have many feet tapping away,and even some eager dancers,who seemed to be hardcore fans as they know the songs word for word.

However,lead singer Becky Newman's howling Gwen Stefani voice,despite appealing at first,slowly became an irritating ringing in the ears.

On the plus side,the band do provide a refreshing sound of an oldskool nature which made the gig overall more interesting to watch,though it is very unlikely that this could be replicated on a CD. I quote guitarist Luke Taylor,who genuinely believed they were "inspired by artists such as Elvis,The Clash and Eric Clapton". Inspiration is one thing Luke,being anything like your inspiration is a different matter altogether. This band could well be Wales's answer to No Doubt,and if that's your thing then they are spot on,but otherwise these not-so-hot puppies are more like dogs when it comes to originality. Laura Quinn

deserve to follow label mates Franz Ferdinand into the charts with their next killer single Change My Mind Finishing with the manic redneck stomp of Magpie Blues you’re left with few doubts that The Blueskins will be a hot property by the end of the year.

The Fiery Furnaces on the other hand seem to be dogged by technical difficulties as their set opens with a ten minute sound check. Looking like they’ve just stepped out of the church hall (the brother/sister duo are all nerdy shirt collars and wavy hair),their Brighton pier organ dominated opening numbers fail to spark any real interest. It’s not until halfway into their set that the band finally start to perform cohesively and start making sense as the organ is ditched for some proper blues guitar. By this point however it’s all too little too late and as The Furnaces ultimately burn out well before the end of tonight’s show.

It seems on tonight’s performance The Furnaces have a long way to go before they’re half as hot as their name suggests. Andy Parsons

Barfly,Cardiff

Friday 20 February

On what could well prove to be the coldest night of the year,there are probably few places better to be than the oven-like atmosphere of a packed Barfly. Mad Action however,get the evening off to a particularly frosty start by performing 30 minutes of uninspired,no-nonsense retro rock. Memorable only for the band’s drummer performing from within a backlit white canvas box,I’m left wondering if it’s because he’s as ugly as some of their tunes are.

Thankfully The Blueskins swiftly raise the tempo with a blistering set of beefed up bluegrass. Commanding the stage with their Deep-South-meetsSupergrass blues action,the Leeds based bright young things easily

THE FIERY FURNACES THE BLUESKINS MAD ACTION

The Fiery Furnaces: Not so hot The Blueskins (above): Shit hot

Photos: Tim Alban

It’s time to explore the glorious world of contemporary literature with this week’s book reviews

FALLING

Debbie Moon Honno

Debbie Moon’s novel Falling is an ambitious and sometimes challenging first work. The central character,Jude, is a ‘ReTracer’ – capable of jumping back to any point in her life – who is trying to track down her murderers in the past before she falls to her death in the present. Set against a postapocalyptic vision of the world after the ‘Migration’ the novel also plays with the idea of genetic experimentation for cosmetic purposes and the subsequent problems in relationships. This is explored most thoroughly in Jude’s relationship with Thrift,who she struggles to love when he reverts to his original gender.

The narrative is nearly swamped by the number and weight of the issues that it addresses – eugenics,sexual identity and class war each being substantial topics. This is further complicated by Moon’s style of writing: the reader is not spoon-fed the plot,but rather must piece the elements and inferences together for themselves. This can prove frustrating at times and Falling is certainly not light reading,but it is worth sticking with it,as the resolution of the novel is clever and uplifting.

Furthermore,Moon manages to resist the temptation that so many writers of science fiction succumb to: she focuses on her characters rather than pseudo-scientific detail. A book worth reading at least twice.

Falling is published by Honno Welsh Women’s Press,whose aim is to give female,Welsh writers greater opportunities to publish. Considering the quality of this particular work,I hope that they continue to find,and give a voice to,authors of this calibre who would otherwise go unheard.

Alys Southwood

Garth Nix

Lirael,set 14 years after Sabriel,is a subsequent tale of isolation and self-discovery. Lirael is a daughter of the Clayr,but does not have the Sight – a prophesying gift given only through birthright. Even those that do have the Sight are struggling to see,as an unknown evil blocks their vision – in an attempt to unleash Death itself into the kingdom. But what is to become of Lirael,and why doesn’t she have the Sight? Well,there are no answers here. The concluding book, Abhorsen,is due for release in April 2004.

HarperCollins Garth Nix has created an epicSabriel, Lirael and Abhorsen. A trilogy of books destined to drag you deep into the Old Kingdom - a land where the Free Magic of the supernatural Necromancers can bring back the Dead. In the wake of Harry Potter,magic might appear to be in short supply - however Nix offers the reader an alternative set of books that may yet rival that pesky little wizard.

The first instalment, Sabriel,is the tale of a girl who must enter the Old Kingdom in search of the Mage Abhorsen,her father,who is stranded deep in Death. The evil beyond the border threatens the land,and so Sabriel must embark on a perilous quest to locate the Abhorsen,who alone has the power to return the Dead to their rightful resting place. Unwittingly,Sabriel must come "face to face with her hidden destiny".

Despite the books being primarily aimed at teens,the author’s fascinating imagination will surely appeal to all ages,and so each book can stand proudly alongside its peers within the teen-fantasy genre. As I already said, Garth Nix has created an epic – go and start reading it today! Jon Sykes

PROCESS:EXPLORATIONS OF THE WORK OFTIM DAVIES

Seren Books

Before reading this I have to admit I had not heard of Tim Davies. Working as a Welsh artist outside of the commercial boundaries of London he has allowed himself a certain freedom in his work. This collection of commentaries details his main works but more importantly his strong Welsh background and its subsequent influence upon his art. The collection of essays that accompany Davies’s work do serve to reinforce their artistic intentions. Thankfully though,Davies is allowed to voice his own opinion on his work in the final chapter,thereby bringing an essence of simplicity of understanding that counteracts the dense and at times pompous academic writing of the critics. If you want to realise the importance of your heritage then I suggest you consider this. Craig Driver

SABRIEL / LIRAEL

Books 27 Legends of the page!

Shell Plant gets pilled up to the gills with IrvineWelsh

Irvine Welsh: Scotland’s greatest writer and the spokesman of the chemical and dance generation? Or a mediocre writer whose novels rely upon a repetition of the same endless catalogue of sex,violence and hatred with little variation or point,in order to be controversial and shocking with the hope he will sell more copies?

Born in 1958 in Leigh,Scotland, Welsh’s many lines of work include a TV repair man,a singer,guitarist (he recorded a single with Primal Scream apparently) and a property speculator before he settled on writing novels and a column in The Daily Telegraph Welsh’s debut, Trainspotting (1993), made cult status,and the screen version starring Ewan McGregor,Robert Carlyle and Jonny Lee Miller,propelled Welsh to the position of second highest earning Scottish author (after Rosalind Pilcher,a romance and saga writer for middle-aged ladies).

Trainspotting brought the realities and reasons of drug use to the public for the very first time and is the second most popular British film after Four Weddings And A Funeral. (Poor Irvine, he simply cannot beat the whole

romance genre.) Renton’s “Choose life” speech has reached iconic status in Britain due to its rejection of the status quo. Much of Welsh’s work

Trainspotting has been turned into a play by Harry Gibson,who describes himself as a "shocking sensationalist." I do find this ironic as Welsh has stated that "all theatre is bourgeois shite." Although since making this comment,seeing his own work in a play has changed Welsh’s mind; he now believes that most theatre is bourgeois shite.

Unfortunately after Trainspotting, Welsh seemed to be jumping on his own bandwagon. His other novels, Glue, The Acid House, Marabou Stork Nightmares and especially Filth are overly and pointlessly violent.

Welsh: Quite likes drugs

suggests how drug and dance subcultures are in fact an attempt of youth to reject Thatcherite Britain and liberate themselves.

His latest book Porno,a revisitation of old characters Renton,Sickboy and Begbie returns to what Welsh does best,first-person monologue describing various sex acts and drug use. Yet I feel that Welsh has little ability to write about anything else. Welsh has stated himself that he has no respect for the writer’s craft,as it’s all "fucking nonsense... nothing fucking to do with skill". One has to wonder here whether Welsh is again being controversial merely in order to detract from his own typecast writing style.

Perri Lewis enjoys the company of Angela Carter

To some,Angela Carter may have seemed like a raving quasi-radical feminist author whose extreme attitudes could never be separated from her writing. Yet when you delve further into an analysis of her unorthodox work,you can see that her profemale revival of the traditional fairytale genre has been extremely successful.

Raised by her matriarchal grandmother as an evacuee in Yorkshire, Carter was born on May 8 1940. She spent her early years distanced from any real male role model,free from the patriarchal structures of modern society. Once you become aware of this,it becomes obvious where her influence derives from.

Carter tragically died on February 16 1992 from cancer and it is perhaps her broad outlook on life that fuelled her dynamic career. Studying English at the University of Bristol, Carter was clearly affected by her

mother’s love of books. Her wide literary knowledge is manifested in the many intertextual references to great authors such as Chaucer and Shakespeare in her work. While it is obvious that her feminist style has resulted from interactions with her two close female relations,it has also been noted that she showed a great interest in feminist and sexual theory. Her two-year stay in Japan gave her the freedom to step outside the restricting structures of modern British society to formulate criticisms of its patriarchal framework. She also travelled around Europe,Asia and the States,speaking French and German,accumulating a large cultural education that is displayed throughout her work. However,it may also be fair to conceive that the anti-male stance she exhibited also stemmed from her divorce from Paul Carter in 1972 after twelve years of marriage.

Throughout the duration of her career,Carter has produced many different types of work,including poetry,novels and children’s books. She is perhaps most renown for her short stories that rework fairytales such as Snow White,Red Riding Hood and the legend of Bluebeard. In The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories ,we see her expose and challenge the male-dominated framework of this genre to foreground the female protagonist as both victim and temptress. Her work has been revolutionary and her focus on female sexuality is truly refreshing; she has demonstrated a literary and linguistic competence which truly enhances her ideas. Though some readers may be shocked at the explicit nature of her tales,they should also take delight in the innovative style she adopted to produce tremendous works of art.

As spring is on its way and the uni term is getting on you’ll be need ing some relief from the stresses and strains of the winter months and monotonous lec-

tures.Look no further than the arts section to cater for your every need!

Pleased to be seated

THEBEDSITTINGROOM

Act One YMCA Theatre

When asked to review The Bedsitting Room,the only play ever written by renowned comedic genius Spike Milligan,I was filled with anticipation as to what pandemonium would await. After some brief homework I discovered the piece was centred around the lives of World War III survivors struggling to continue as usual despite the fact that radioactive fall out has transformed the Queen (Jo Steer) into a chest of draw-

ers,and the Prime Minister into a parrot (better that than a chimp though,eh Mr Bush?)

Consistently funny is perhaps the best way to describe this piece,and the audience certainly appreciated director Dean Burnett’s contemporary, satirical slant on the text.

The cast brought a new meaning to “off the wall”,and there were several genuine laugh-out-loud moments including a side splitting rendition of a song about the onset of rigor mortis set to the tune of That’s Amore. Ben Connell too was fantastic as the wanton vicar specialising in underwater weddings,with depravity emanating from his every pore.

Further praise goes to Dave Steele,who played the deliciously pompous army psychiatrist Pontius Kak,succeeding in delivering his Christmas cracker style jokes with a certain camp,salacious aplomb. Admittedly he had some of the best lines,but as they say in the business, it’s all about the timing,with which he certainly has been blessed. The on-

stage chemistry between Kak and the toffee nosed Lord Fortnum (Cameron Chandler),who is attempting to come to terms with the fact that he is being changed into a bedsitting room,made for a wholly enjoyable production. There was also an element of depth created by Amber Hunter’s sensitive interpretation of Pontius’ new wife Penelope.

There may have been the occasional fluffed line,but the farcical nature of the play allowed for this and did nothing to detract from the standard of the piece,although the play’s comedic value as a whole would have been further enhanced by increased use of physical theatre.

But all in all hats off to the Act One performers,even those with subsidiary roles,who effectively created an atmosphere of absolute insanity and hilarity,somewhat reminiscent of a Monty Python sketch. Alexandra Giorgetti

There may have been the occasional fluffed line,but the farcical nature of the play allowed for this

A musical extravaganza

Coming up over the next few weeks is a chance to experience the best in band music. The City of Cardiff Wind Band are doing a series of concerts,including the fabulous music from Lord Of The Rings and a take on the Welsh proms,and are set to be unmissable.

The first one is on March 17 at

7.30pm so you can celebrate St Patrick’s Day in style! It’s at Highfield’s Church on Monthermer Road in Cathays and is raising money for the Save the Children fund.

On March 20 at 7.30pm there’s a gala promotional concert in Barry Memorial Hall,raising money for the band’s European tour.

Our theatre this week is more Welsh than ever,with a groundbreaking performance of TheVagina Monologues in Welsh and an operatic take on Horace’s classic tale

Welsh monologues’ first time

THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES –RHOSYS COCHION: SHINANI’N SIARAD

Chapter Arts Centre

Iwasa little bit wary of attending this production,I have to say. Having seen The Vagina Monologues before, I had no problem listening to a bunch of women recounting the most personal and controversial of female experiences.

But somehow,translated into Welsh, the prospect was rather daunting. First of all,I was concerned that it had been translated into Northern Welsh dialect, and so my understanding as a Southerner might have been limited. Also,I felt guilty that I didn’t know that ‘shinani’ was ‘vagina’ in Welsh. I needn’t have worried. The production had been translated by one of the three (female,natch) performers,Sharon Morgan (Grand Slam),a Southerner,so I understood everything. And thank God I did,because it was one of the funniest plays I’ve seen in ages. Morgan also addressed the issue of the Welsh equivalent of ‘vagina’ –there isn’t one,not even in the diction-

ary! She didn’t have a word (I’m glad it wasn’t just me),so she chose ‘shinani’ from among the regional terms she had discovered.

For those of you unfamiliar with Eve Ensler’s Monologues, it’s a series of stories about femininity,including sex,childbirth, rape and sexuality,as told to Ensler in interviews with over a hundred women. Some are truly tragic, but the actors primarily emphasised the humorous elements.

Maria Pride,in a monologue charting a girl’s experience of her vagina from age 5 through to 13,was marvellous, conveying both the tragedies and joys that befell one interviewee with childlike innocence. Both performers and audience were clearly having a great time,enjoying as they were this land-

mark in Welsh theatre. It was an excellent show with wide ranging appeal - even the men seemed to like it. With simple,effective production design and an enthusiatic cast,we were all drawn in,and by the end were all yelling ‘cont’ at the tops of our voices. Gwenllian Thomas

Opera for the underworld

RWCMD

AsI picked up the programme in the foyer of the RWCMD and glanced through the synopsis,I have to say my initial reaction was rather derogatory of the performance I was about to see. Orpheus In The Underworld was described as a “semistaged production of the comic operetta”; a comic operetta was something that I had never come across before,but Inaïvely imagined it would be something only enjoyable to those with an appreciation for the opera. And I was definitely not one of those.

But as the curtains closed at the end of the first act,I realised I was enjoying myself. The performance was a satirical take on the classics,taking a modern and paradoxical slant on the

genre of opera. It was a fun and light hearted storyline with underlying political jibes. As 15 grown adults crawled across the stage baa-ing like sheep,I was reduced to hysterics with the rest of the audience. Part of the humour lay in the facial expression of these talented individuals. The production had the eccentricity of a pantomime with the cultural values of an opera, making it successful on many levels.

As the sheep stood up and presented a choral performance using musi-

It was a fun and light-hearted storyline with underlying political jibes

cal devices incongruous of the setting, it was surprisingly relaxing,easing all anxieties I had felt for having to sit through an opera. The cast made full use of the stage with minimal props, they were successful in using their body language to create the setting. All performers were extremely talented both vocally and dramatically,really making their idiosynchratic characters believable. They brought an unexpected liveliness to the stage.

All the cast members were obviously enjoying themselves and this made it so much more enjoyable to the audience. They had an incredible enthusiasm,especially in performing an operatic kan-kan! For what I initially thought would be a longtwo hours to sit through,I felt I had only just sat down when it was time to leave.

Natalie Slater

Jack the lad

With Something’sGottaGive in cinemas, Mat Croft takes a look back at the films that made Jack Nicholson an icon

Jack is as blue-collar as it gets as an oil rigger who goes home for a family reunion. Of course,his family are all posh concert pianists. In such a situation,most of us would feel out of place,but not Jack - he’s too busy boning his brother’s wife and telling waitresses to “hold the chicken right between your legs”.

“No *#@!!* Navy's going to give some poor **!!@* kid eight years in the #@!* brig without me taking him out for the time of his *#@!!* life.” So reads the tagline to this road movie about Jack getting into fights and brothels in the hope of educating a young sailor before he goes to prison.

Hard-boiled PI Jake Gittes ploughs the badlands with help from a cracking Robert Towne script. Director Roman Polanski cameos as the wiseguy who cuts him a new nostril; the film goes on to prove that no-one ever looked quite as cool with a plaster on his face as Jack. Not even Nelly.

The sarcastic leer,womanising ways and general cool of Jack made him perfect for the role of RP McMurphy, the mental patient who kicks up hell and pays hell for it. His untamed performance won him an Oscar.

As if he wasn’t scary enough to start with,Jack slowly goes nuts in an isolated hotel and terrorises his wife and son. By smashing a door with an axe and shouting “Here’s Johnny”,he and director Stanley Kubrick created one of cinema’s most unforgettable images. This is probably how most of us first met Jack Nicholson: as the most freaked-out über-villain since the Wicked Witch of the West. With his demented grin,the Joker seared his way into the nightmares of movie-goers worldwide.

Director: John Hamburg

Cast: Ben Stiller,Jennifer Aniston,Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Ablocked toilet,a larger-than-life has-been actor as a friend,a mad Aussie and a blind ferret. From the co-writer of Meet The Parents,this film has all the ingredients required of a typical teenage comedy and is bound to tickle your funny bone. Ben Stiller (There's Something About Mary) fits the part perfectly as nice guy Reuben Feffer alongside Jennifer Aniston (Bruce Almighty,Friends),who looks stunning as usual (hmph,it's just not fair!).

After his bitch of a newly-wed sleeps with the dodgy scuba instructor on their honeymoon,Reuben is at a dead end... until Polly (Aniston) comes along. He's the low risk-taker living the stable life,whereas she's the easy-going,salsa-dancing girl who freaks out at commitment. Sounds like a match made in hell,but it somehow works,with many incidents along the way.

The storyline is predictable,simple and has been done a thousand times before,but that’s because no one’s had enough of it yet. It’s not the film to see if you are after an emotive movie,or if you want to get your brain ticking. It is a mediocre,relaxed, funny film worth seeing with a bunch

of mates. So long as it is seen in that context,it will not disappoint.

Debbie

Green

THE MISSING

Dir: Ron Howard

Cast: Cate Blanchett,Tommy Lee Jones, Evan Rachel Wood

The Missing announces its corporate origins right from the start. It takes three whoring minutes of studio logo’s before we even get to the opening credits of this mindless stillborn western. Marketed as a Blair Witch-type horror film, The Missing is actually a racist,crocodile-tear-stained western from everyone’s favourite middle-of-the-road baldy Ron Howard.

As frontier woman Maggie Gilkeson,Blanchett calls upon Jones when her daughter (Evan Rachel Wood) is kidnapped by a psycho Indian (Eric Schweig). The warning bells sound the moment Tommy Lee Jones’ Samuel,looking for all intents and purposes like a sad-eyed squeezable hound-dog,rides into frame in full American Indian garb. Jones acts and gurns like a wet fish,speaking half his lines in Apache and reporting that his Indian name means "shit for luck". But for Salvatore Totino's stark, scary cinematography,this film would

be all the shit without any of the luck. Along the way,the film schizophrenically switches gear between domestic melodrama,pseudo-feminist Western, and magical-realist fantasy. Howard’s continuous close-ups and simplistic wide-shot camera trickery possess none of the profundity of Ford or Leone. Even Howard’s portrayal of the Indian characters,whether friend or foe,is exoticism at its worst. The white director’s image of another race’s humanity never extends beyond the crude idea of the noble savage.

“Who is this smashed penis?” asks a villainous Indian at one point. It’s a question perhaps best directed at the idealist Howard,whose brain is still stuck up his own corporate-funded arse.

Craig Driver

STER ADVERT

Ben Stiller:takes out his frustrations on swans

Jones:Doing Willie Nelson on Stars In Their Eyes

Just grin and share it

In part two of our focus on filesharing,our independent (ie non-GR affiliated) and anonymous correspondent rants

After hours wasted arguing on internet forums,I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s only so long before arguments begin going round in circles. Henceforth,I’ve decided to start referring people to the following two articles whenever,in an argument regarding internet filesharing,they make one of the two big blunders.

One: that downloading material from the internet is outright stealing. “It’s the same as walking into their house and making off with their cutlery! Or something.”

http://dialspace.dial.pipex.com/to wn/estate/dh69/ffi/ffi1.htm

Two: that buying CDs is the only way to support bands and the music community.

http://www.arancidamoeba.com/mr r/problemwithmusic.html

In short,the first is a piece by consumer rights champ Stuart Campbell, and states (in no uncertain terms and with plenty of swears) that to be classed as stealing,the material in question must be taken away from its owner. Downloading MP3s may be copyright infringement,but it’s not stealing.

The second is by top-rung producer Steve Albini; a man who knows his shiznits. It concerns those elite bands that ‘make it’; signed by one of the big labels,they see their dreams unfolding before their eyes. A year down the line, however,they find themselves massively in debt,and living in near-poverty. And these are the lucky ones.

tures; not while there’s wars to be fought,anyway. However,might one venture that the current model on which the music industry (most specifically,the Recording Industry Association of America) bases itself –the status quo (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha) – might not be the most beneficial to those creating the music?

Yet,no matter how many times you mention this stuff to people,you’ll get the same responses: accusations of self-justification for your own immorality. Now,far be it from me to suggest that music is part of the public domain (oh,my,no,it’s nothing like art!),since we’ll never see a government willing to fund the creation of music beyond a couple of token ges-

What if there was a system in place to redistribute the ridiculous sums of cash that today’s music industry hands over to record companies and pop acts in favour of smaller artists? Many believe that such a system could only eventually come about via the propagation of internet filesharing.

As many of you will no doubt be aware,despite the howls of derision by the recording sector,CD sales are at an all time high (singles have taken quite a hit,but then perhaps it’s about fucking time?). One reason for this must surely be the low prices offered by off-shore retailers (don’t

worry kids,crack lawyers are working hard to resolve that issue at this very moment!); the second is surely filesharing? The sense of community offered by networks such as Soulseek actively promote the user towards finding new bands he or she may like, whether it be via an intelligent bit of technical guesswork or one of the many chatrooms available. Such a system would also benefit attendances at local events,presumably: see a poster for a gig nearby,sample their music on the internet,and decide whether or not to go along (“Ah,but that only benefits good bands,” you say. Too bloody right it does).

Apple’s iTunes music service is also step in the right direction (preview music; discounts for full albums), but is unfortunately shackled by the tight leash imposed by the RIAA (a limited selection of music and a pricing system not far below current CDs), as well as the poor quality of the downloads themselves. To succeed it should look long and hard at the success of free networks like Soulseek and the infamous Napster,and not be afraid to ruffle more than a few feathers.

The RIAA’s crack squads apprehend another group of perps

It’s OOHeaven

Theultimate feminist dream date is back,and on a new mission to save the free world (while shooting some baddies and trying his very best to impregnate every single loose woman in the name of good old England).

So is Everything Or Nothing a good game? I ask this question because most EA games are shit: too much emphasis on graphics rather than game play. As a result,this tends to make current Bond games shit… and it’s kinda sad,forever living in the shadow of the N64’s Goldeneye. But this is good; in fact it’s rather fucking good.

Don’t get your hopes up: it ain’t the dog’s bollocks,but it’ll put a smile on

Geekbait

Wedidn’t get a chance to cover this little gem first time around (drunk on gin,you see),but thought we’d give you lovely people a heads-up on the upcoming release of the upgraded Xbox edition.

This is some properly geeky stuff, man. It’s got orcs,and swords,and that,and has statistics coming out of its arse. The first location you visit is a Customs and Excise office (all right!). It’s got a plot about prophecies,and it’s very,very slo-o-ow. ...Right,are they all gone? Now then,for the other one percent of our readers,the good stuff. Morrowind might just be the most freeform game ever created: it sets you free in a vast (vast! VAST!) landscape with only a vague notion of what to do or where to go. You can join guilds and clans, rob citizens blind,try to advance the

your face when you’re shooting a poor helpless evil minion in the face,or when you kick a goon in the balls. Instead of a traditional Bond FPS, EON is based around a third person perspective. And it works.

Combat in EON reminds me of the recent Indiana Jones title,actually. The ability to use objects around you as weapons,such as chairs or ashtrays,is most welcome,giving the feel of a good old-fashioned punch-up. Another link between these games is the lock on shooting style,which proves highly effective. But at the same time this can hinder you when being attacked from all sides by multiple foes. Another advancement is in the driving levels: rich and detailed

Gareth Lloyd delves into Morrowind:Game of theYear Edition on Xbox and PC

plot,or just wander about killing wandering beasties and roaming braggarts.

Graphics and sound are both perfunctory at best,and if I were to get started on the list of gameplay flaws we’d be here all day. Oh,go on then, just for tasters: supremely boring combat. Long loading times. Frequent crashes. Lifeless characters. Silly rules that put you in jail for sleeping in the wrong bed (!). Confusing statistics. That’s enough for now,yes?

But still,as a budget purchase it’s worth a look if you’re tired of the Xbox’s meat-and-potatoes line-up of action games and sports sims. Or if you’ve got a beard.

“Mmm,hello Moneypenny;fancy some bum fun?” Agent “Oh, James!” Martyn reviews

Everything Or Nothing

graphics litter the landscapes and for once the vehicles handle well. These are fun levels,instead of the repetitive pieces of shit found in previous games which made me want to vomit.

After the first few intro levels it starts to become enjoyable and really starts to kick off. But it’s one of those games you’ve got to commit to, because you’ll either put it down after your first go,or plow through it in a couple of sittings.

You can tell that EA spent a lot of money on this project from the voice overs: Pierce Brosnan,Judi Dench, John Cleese,William Dafoe,and the oh-so-lovely-and-big-breasted Shannon Elizabeth all grace this game with their voices and extremely realistic CG faces. But the graphics... they take the piss,they really do. It just looks real,all of it! Both in game play and cut scenes,and it adds to the atmosphere of the game.

Overall it’s highly enjoyable,but just like the first time you have sex. It’s a bit confusing,makes no sense at first and mighty quick finishing. But it’s the closest thing you’re going to get to being Bond. It’s a real good game and if you like your guns,violence and women with big tits,I advise. But if you’re into peace,equal rights and flowers... get a fucking life. Grab a gun and start killing.

Not PC.

Smack bears with axes.

Going out

Calling all cocktail fans! This week we review two of Cardiff’s most classy cocktail bars and a little Greek restaurant thrown in for good measure...

Park Place

If cocktails are your thing then Henry’s is the place to be. The drinks look great,and taste it too! You can glam it up Sex And The City-stylee with a Cosmopolitan or just indulge yourself with a Chocolate Dipped Strawberry.

Although staff are cheerful it’s not ideal for a quick pub stop with a large group of mates as service takes time; the first in will have easily finished sipping away by the time the rest of your drinks are ready.

For value for money go to student happy hour (7.30-11pm,Monday to Wednesday) when cocktails are around £3. Beware though; you’re not in Spain so the moderate spirit measures mean it’ll take a fair few drinks to get you on your way.

For non-cocktail drinkers there are many alternatives,but drinks aren’t at Wetherspoon prices so you may have to dig a little deeper into your pockets. Jenny Duxbury

Park Place

Some of you will be familiar with Inncognito but for those of you who aren’t,let me explain. Inncognito is a cool,trendy bar with funky lighting,

comfy sofas and a menu to kill for - and if you love cocktails then you should get yourself down here right now. Cocktails are two-for-one after 5pm and cost only £4.25 (for two). Our personal favourites include Heavenly Dreams and Bayside Cooler.

The bar staff are fab and will whip you up a treat in no time,with funky cocktail shaking and techniques to dazzle. Be warned,thougha double vodka and mixer will set you back a hefty £4.83 and if it’s busy expect delays when waiting for your drink,as these cocktail makers really can’t be rushed.

The food ranges from sandwiches,pasta and ciabattas to risotto,Brain’s beer sausage and the traditional welsh faggot thrown in for good measure. Prices for these meals vary from £3.95 to £6.50,so they’re reasonable. They also do puddings and a vast wine menu offers a good alternative to cocktails,with the ‘wine of the moment’ being just £6.50 a bottle. Grab your mates and go along for a cocktail and a beer sausage,you’d be mad not to!

Katy Davies Crwys Road

not a very Greek choice on my part) was to die for,and served with a generous amount of salad and chips. We paid a set £22.50 for three courses,although on a normal night most choices would amount to a little less. On a normal night main courses were around £9.

What with it being Valentine's Day,my romantic antennae fixed on the idea of a meal in the amorouslynamed Aphrodite. Genius. Only a pavement away from the noise and bustle of Crwys Road,this place is small,cosy and relaxed.

If you can ignore the slightly grating Greek background music,you'll find the staff friendly and the atmosphere warm. There was a moment of anxiety when it emerged that the chef had gotten over-ambitious and doublebooked the entire restaurant. We were worried that this might lead to our courses being served Generation Game conveyor-belt style,but this didn't materialise. And,fortunately,the chef turned out to be a far better cook than telephonist.

The sirloin steak (although

The menu is fairly extensive,combining specialist Greek dishes and more staple meat and pasta dishes for the slightly less adventurous. Be warned,this place is by no means the flash sort of eaterie you might find in the bay. But hell,we're students! And if it's a cosy,unpretentious atmosphere and good food you want, Aphrodite is a fairly safe bet.

Dave Adams

Want to get on the guest list for somewhere,or fancy a meal but can’t afford to pay the full price?

As we don’t condone shoplifting, why not do a review for us?

(Approx 200 words please - don’t go crazy!)

Email: grmagazine@cf.ac.uk

Photo: Jenny Duxbury

Respect in retrospect

BRYANADAMS

Reckless (1984) A&M

In the early 80s the music scene was an excess of mascara,hairspray,and cartoon dalliances with gender politics. Among this overcrowded collective of musical pomposity there stood a young Canadian rocker with an ear for a tune named Bryan Adams. While many can (and frequently do) mock Adams for his subsequent lack of credibility and musical ethics it cannot be denied (except for a brash and perfunctory toocool-for-school grunt) that on his 1984 album Reckless there live and breathe exquisite moments of uplifting poprock.

Run To You exudes a refreshing simplicity,the very essence of the longing that it mocks,and shames the whiny quasi-gothic indie bleating of many a modern band. This track is closely followed by the seminal ballad Heaven which soars with the grace and grandeur of pop at its most sublime.

It is ultimately,though,the all-time sing-a-long jukebox leviathan Summer Of ‘69 which seals this album’s cult status. Never has there been written a pop-rock song of such effortless nostalgia and melancholy that it never tires,wanes,or deteriates. The song has become universal in its unabashed lament of friendships forgotten and memories lost. It is this uncomplicated universality that binds many a heart to Adam’s everyman rock’n’roll.

The key to this album is that it avoids pretension. There is no attempt to value intellect and image above immediate visceral response. Let Radiohead and The Smiths concern themselves with the darker side of nature. If we all chose to worship at the narcissistic altar of image and fashion then the world would be a very cold and unforgiving place indeed. Occasionally we all need a bit of mindless frivolity and nostalgic exuberance. And what better place to start the revolution than here,in the comforting haze of a familiar Canadian named Bryan. Let us redefine credibility and embrace that which we like and not that which we should like. Let us realise that those moments we have lived were probably indeed “the best days of our life!” Craig Driver

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1944) Wordsworth Classics

This book is not just a children’s story about a little man from another planet. Oh no. It’s much more than that. Rather than try to explain the world of the adult,it openly doesn’t understand it. And it doesn’t need to. In fact,as the little prince studies the adults of the universe,he comes to the (reasoned and informed) conclusion that “grown-ups are very strange”.

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE

Dir:Tobe Hooper (1974)

Cast:Marilyn Burns,William Vail

Cinema’s history is full of classic films, lauded with praise from critics and audiences. But cult films often offer more interesting material - and one such film is Tobe Hooper’s 1974 classic horror film The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The film’s underground status was helped when it was banned and cemented on its subsequent release in Hooper’s uncut form. Audiences can now see what was once deemed a “pornography of terror”,but what is actually one of the greatest horror flicks of all time. Long before the cynical, postmodern slasher films of the Scream generation was this truly terrifying,shityour-pants scary offering.

“But any book which tries to analyse human nature in 109 pages must be over-simplifying things,” I hear you cry. Not a bit of it. Between them,the King,the conceited individual,the drunkard,the businessman and the geographer encompass everything that we would realise is just plain silly,if we really noticed it. And the lamplighter quite literally shines a light on what is beautiful; what has a point.

I first read The Little Prince because I found it in a shop for a pound,and I hadn’t read it before. I soon realised that it is the happiest book I know,purely because of the simplicity with which the prince views the world. For exactly the same reason it manages to have the saddest ending of anything I have ever read. It does not play games with you,and does not complicate life. Because life needs no complication. It is better as it is. I am rarely so glad to have spent a pound. Hannah Perry

A bunch of teenagers are chased through the vast emptiness of the Texas landscape by Leatherface and his redneck family. The premise is simple but the execution is flawless,with Hooper using the low budget to create a grainy, documentary-style film with handheld verité realism.

It replaces gory special effects with psychological horror,never hinting at where Leatherface is hiding,allowing him to emerge,chainsaw flailing,from anywhere at any time. When Sally,the only survivor,is repeatedly caught in the thickets and bushes,Leatherface is only a footstep away and the audience can feel her terror. There is no female empowerment reading here. Sally runsshe doesn’t investigate the strange noises or dark corners,she runs - and we are left with a real,believable fight for survival. of a kind rarely captured in mainstream horror today.

It is this sense of realism which marks The Texas Chainsaw Massacre out as a cult classic. It is a film of its time, unique,edgy and raw. A film that pushed the boundaries on its release and continues to do so today.

Andy Newbery

Perfect partners?

Guy’s profile:

Name - Nick Holman

Studying - BSc (Hons)

Business Administration

What were your first impressions of Madeline?

By Kerry-Lynne Doyle Blind Date Editor

Very attractive girl who was dressed to impress, but if she had just worn a smile it would have been enough for me! Result!

How was the date? Fantastic,the food was lovely, the atmosphere was great and we just seemed to click.

Were there any awkward or funny moments? Not that I noticed but I’m a bloke!

After the merger will you be happy to meet more people like Madeline? Why would i want to meet people like her when I already have her?

Do you think Madeline matches up to the high standards at Cardiff University? Absolutely,I have seen some absolute hotties up there and imagining Mads in her doctors uniform... well all I can say

Girl’s profile:

Name - Madeline Ginns

Studying - MBCCK Medicine 4th year

What were your first impressions of Nick?

Really friendly smile and a down to earth guy, from what I could see.

How was the date? Really lush venue,I’d definitely reccommend it to anyone and had really cool company too.

Were there any awkward or funny moments? They gave me chopsticks... so I could eat the prawns,but couldn’t eat any noodles because they kept slipping away!

After the merger will you be happy to see more people like Nick? Before and even after the merger.

Do you think Nick matches up with the high standards at Cardiff University? Mmm... I’m not sure they looked at his charm,personality

Blind Date needs you! We’re looking for guys and girls to take part in Blind Date this term. So if you fancy free grub and a date then send your name,age,and sexuality to grblinddate@cf.ac.uk or by calling/texting 07800 916077. You could meet your dream date...

“He talks a good game”

Parachute through the Lancashire smog and depending on which way the wind is blowing you may be lucky enough to descend onto one of the planet’s finest sporting arenas,but should you drift a mile west not even a seasoned Manchester cabbie will know where you are.

With good fortune you will nest on Old Trafford,home to Manchester Unitedstandard bearers for business and sporting success,drawing fans,sponsors and fortune from all over the globe, yet barely the other side of the city lay the modest Sale Sharks rugby side lodging at a lower-league football ground. And likewise Newcastle. Welcome to St James’ Park – also known as Mecca for those northern fans paying homage to the football gods in black and white. But travel little over a mile and you reach the home of Newcastle Falcons rugby team,the humble employers of sport’s golden boy Jonny Wilkinson,but can you name their stadium? Not many can.

This paves the way for an argument as old as my dad’s better than your dad, but not nearly as futile. Who is the king of sports,is it rugby or is it football?

In the fickle world of the playground or discussion forums around a pub table, such a matter is not a contest. Football will win on every aspect.

Football is the beautiful game,justly heralded as the last outpost of unity on a planet rapidly dividing. Where world

Who is

the King of sports?

leaders order the deployment of missiles to crush another state,or religions collide for ideological dominance,football has always been on hand to bring warring flags together.

On a few Pacific Islands the name Jesus Christ will hardly raise a brow of recognition,but should David Beckham be uttered expect an assortment of fake replica shirts to crowd around. Does Jonny Wilkinson or Iestyn Harris captivate the same audience? Don’t make me laugh.

“On a few Pacific Islands the name Jesus Christ will hardly raise a brow of recognition,but should David Beckham be uttered expect an assortment of fake replica shirts to crowd around ”

Ambassadors of the oval ball will point to a lack of publicity for permanently holding their sport in its infancy,yet this tired argument does little except fuel the footballer’s taunts. Football gets greater publicity than rugby because it is more popular worldwide and more lucrative to sponsors wishing to attach their name to the sport.

In turn,the extra money generated keeps the sport in a very healthy and prosperous state. Meanwhile rugby and its limited appeal to vast areas of the globe - there are less than 20 egg-tossing nations on the planet - will struggle to generate enough income to expand and become a worldwide obsession.

But leave those simple and resounding facts for the economists; the pressing issue is what makes kicking a ball so much more alluring than throwing it? The simple yet wildly contentious and provocative answer is skill.

Granted the tactical skills of both games is exceptional. However,where David Beckham can float a ball 60 yards with either foot and effectively target a blade of grass,comparisons with a five

Sports writer of the year Riath Al-Samarrai asks the question: Rugby or football?

yard spin pass or one man wrapping his arms around another player’s legs, should be laughed out of the clubhouse.

Beating your opponent in rugby requires good agility and a degree of pace,but the ball isn’t going anywhere when it’s neatly tucked away in the safety of an armpit. Yet watching a footballer apply both these assets and combining it with sublime control,as Thierry Henry or Paul Scholes regularly demonstrate on a Saturday afternoon,should sober any deluded rugby fan harping the fantastic skills of a line-out or scrum.

But far from the argument hinging on opinions and tastes it is one with a concrete foundation in statistics. In England, the country at the summit of rugby’s elite mountain of nations,a crowd over 10,000 will be considered a novelty, while this weekend Old Trafford can expect five times that number to go through the turnstiles for an ordinary Premiership match. And it is a point acknowledged by the sponsors when choosing which sport to endorse.

Rugby is crippled by relatively low appeal and subordinate in terms of skill and athleticism - a 17 stone prop with a gut toppling over his shorts struggles to qualify as an athlete in many eyes – but it would be ignorant to assume football is perfect. "The beautiful game" is ruled by a governing body never far from allegations of corruption,and is tarnished on the pitch by ill-discipline and cheating,but it doesn’t stop the fans from turning out.

Football,for all its shortcomings,will always perform in its role as loveable rogue to draw the crowds,while the effects of last year’s rugby world cup triumph are already beginning to wear off, and the game is being watched by empty stadiums once again.

Rugby fans should be proud of their sport,but when their iconic moment is recalled from Sydney last year,significantly it is a man kicking a ball between two posts.

Postcards from France

By Andrew Davidson,Grenoble

Afew weeks ago,I went up to Tignes to meet some mates from Cardiff who had come out for a week’s skiing holiday.

One of the group had suffered the mis- fortune of being hit by a fellow snow- boarder such that her holiday spirits were crushed only moments after arriving en piste. Seeing her laid up in bed a day later,it was hard to know what to say at the time: when a person is in pain and feeling gutted at not being able to do that which they intend,sympathy serves little benefit.

I’ve learnt a similar lesson over the last few days,for very similar reasons. Namely,a miscal- culated and not-so-parallel turn on a piste near Grenoble ended with my bruised ego taking a res- cue-sledge ride to the x-ray table. Since the inaus- picious day,as well as becoming acquainted with French medical terminology,I’ve discovered that sympathy is an evil best avoided. People trying to be kind with their observations of,"oh you poor thing" and "how terrible" serve only to remind me of the downsides of the situation. Likewise,ques-

tions like "oooh,is that your skiing season finished then?" merely con- solidate negativity in the mind of the injured.

Instead,when in a similar situa- tion,do or say something positive. Get a brew going,change the subject,and give a tickle; do whatever you like as long as it’s posi- tively constructive. Get Well Soon cards to the usual address,if you will.

Postcards from Sicily

By Sarah Cummins,Catania

The first week of February saw Catania really come to life. For five days the patron saint of the town is celebrated by numerous sweet stands and children throwing confetti everywhere,culminating in a procession up a very steep hill where the men of the town have to carry a statue whilst running non stop.

In true Sicilian style there has to be an oddity; it starts at five in the morning!

The last evening begins with a firework display at 3am,then a procession followed by the crazy up hill run at around 5am. After the run ‘St Agata’ is carried through while people light and place candles around her. In an effort to absorb Sicilian culture and ‘get involved’ Harnoop and I set our alarms for 5am in order to catch the tail end of the procession and see St Agata do her stuff.

We figured no fireworks display could beat Cardiff Castle’s bonfire show.

So,as we dragged ourselves out of bed we discovered we’d missed the run. On asking when St Agata would put in an appearance the reply was "an hour".

Picture the scene,waiting on a cold,dark Sicilian street for at least an hour or returning to our still warm beds with kettle and Typhoo calling from the cupboard. Yep,I’m afraid the Typhoo won and it turns out old Agata didn’t show up until three hours later.

the opium of the people?

Muchconfusion seems to have arisen over the issue of secularism as an officially-sanctioned trend. The abolition of headscarves in French schools has divided both left and right,just as the teaching of ‘atheism’ in their British counterparts has provoked differences between religious leaders. Leaving aside these problems for a moment,let’s turn our attention towards the idea of secularism itself. Before it bore its current name,this belief and/or practice was known as humanism – a term which aptly defines its meaning and its origin, namely,a change from a God-centred outlook to one where human society is paramount. In this way it differs from atheism,as there is no inconsistency with being a humanist or secularist and having religious beliefs. Indeed Erasmus,widely regarded as a pioneer of humanist thought,was a deeply religious man. Essentially,the ideals of secularism are those of a public and societal policy,one that retains right of religious freedom,but also a separation of religion from the affairs of the state. And here’s the rub: neither Britain or France are secular countries. As many have pointed out,French schools still follow the

cultural traditions of their Catholic past – holidays based on the Christian calendar,fish served on Fridays,religious education in the hands of the clergy – and the role of the Church is still important within society. However,at least Church and State are separate,unlike over here, so even if 90% of the population became church-burning Satanists, Britain would still be officially a Christian country. And let’s not forget the hypocritical press,who always have Paul Johnson,Roger Scruton or some other wine-soaked smudger to write about the erosion of Christian moral decency in President Blair’s Britain. Okay,so our own religious lobbies don’t have the same power as they do in the US (thank… er, God),but the power of religious feeling and influence should not be underrated. And hence we come to the issue of headscarves. This is not a decision of secularism but of racial prejudice,a sop thrown to the nationalists,the more ‘traditional’ Church leaders and the liberal intelligensia, and of course,the press. Merely because a Christian has no traditional form of religious clothing (I’m not including a cross here) does not mean that anyone wearing a head-

Quench 01 03 04

scarf,a truban or a yarmulke has had this imposed upon them by tyranny. Did it not occur to anyone that religious clothing might be worn voluntarily,and as much of a cultural symbol as an expression of faith? As for teaching atheism,well… disbelief isn’t something that can be learnt, more as something that happens. If what was termed as ‘atheism’ by the media actually refers to secular ethics and philosophy,then that can only be a good thing. Plus,it might make people actually take an interest in religious thought – by the time of secondary school,most of the pupils are atheists anyway…

Right,so a little bit less far-left polemic from me this time around. And a lot less swearing. I’m not really in the mood for it,and that’s in all seriousness. No Madame Cynthia either,as she is currently taking tea with the Archduke,and social engagements mean a lot more to her than making up insulting nonsense staring deep into the pulsating brain of the cosmos for her readers. So yeah,see you next time,readers,with a spring in my step and a song in my heart... Dedicated to the memory of Brian Windsor Gates (1935-2004). RIP