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Cardiff’s Student Weekly
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Monday 1 October 2001
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AGENCIES ACCUSED OF DOUBLE BOOKING Absent landlord causes confusion as two couples sign contracts for the same flat. by James Bladon A MAJOR BREAKDOWN in communication coupled with an absent landlord has been blamed for a property dispute between two groups of students last week. The dispute arose after two couples arrived to take over the tenancy of the same flat, both having signed contracts with separate property agents. Dave Williams, currently studying mechanical engineering at Cardiff University, along with his partner Nicola Ferris, a graduate in business administration at the University, believed they had found the perfect flat for this year. The couple agreed terms and signed a contract with Chris John & Partners in August and arrived last week to collect the keys to the flat in Riverside. Shortly after arriving at the flat in Rawden Place, however, they found another couple preparing to unload at the same address, who had also signed a contract for the same flat, but with Keylet Property. Both couples had travelled considerable distances to move into the flat – one pair from Essex, the other from Scotland – and were amazed to find each other trying to move in at exactly the same time. The confusion over which agent was ultimately responsible for the flat had arisen as a result of the landlord registering it with three different agents before departing on
a lengthy foreign holiday. Keylet’s Emma Nugent said, ‘This is the first I have ever seen anything like this happen.’ Once it became apparent that both couples were expecting to take up residence in the same property, Keylet’s clients, who we are unable to name, let themselves in to the flat and were reluctant to leave. ‘It was an unfortunate situation, but Keylet’s contract was equally as legitimate as our own,’ said Andrew Thomas, a partner at Chris John & Partners. ‘Once their clients were in the flat, we had to think about finding a new place for Nicola and Dave, in this case it is obvious possession was nine tenths of the law.’ A short-term replacement flat was found for Mr Williams and Miss Ferris, where they are staying rent free as a goodwill gesture from Chris John & Partners. Their original bond has also been refunded. Mr Thomas was amazed that fiasco had taken place. He said, ‘We knew of one other agent involved besides ourselves, whom we informed immediately that we were going to let the flat, but we had no idea that Keylet were also involved.’ Chris John & Partners received c o n fi rmation to go ahead with letting the property to Nicola and Dave via e-mail from the landlord, but were unaware that Keylet were also proceeding with efforts to let
the flat. ‘Frankly the situation was avoidable if the other agent and landlord had acted as they perhaps should,’ Mr Thomas said. Keylet stated they had no idea that any other agent was involved, and as result of the contract they had with the landlord they were entitled to, and required to, proceed with letting the property. ‘We had a duty to the landlord to let the property, and although we had difficulty contacting him directly, we had several contacts who had been instructed to act on his behalf. We were told by those parties it was okay to let the flat to our clients,’ said Key l e t ’s Emma Nugent. Ms Nugent agreed that there were lessons to be learned from the incident: ‘It was unfortunate we knew nothing of Chris John and they knew nothing of us. Hopefully all the agencies could communicate a little better to make sure this doesn’t happen again,’ she said. The situation does raise the question of how landlords are able to register the same property with more than one agent, something that has caused agencies such as Keylet and Chris John & Partners considerable frustration. Emma from Keylet voiced her concerns saying, ‘There is little we are able to do stop this sort of thing happening, some landlords are certainly guilty of playing the property agencies against each other.’ The flat’s landlord is still unavailable, and quite unaware of the problems caused in his absence. Peter Vidler of Keylet said, ‘It is
CROSSED WIRES: The two agencies that let the flat and (inset) the disputed property.
unfortunate we have received no apology from the landlord, and I am keen to have a little chat with him once he returns to Cardiff.’ Chris John & Partners have also
told Gair Rhydd that they may review policy in terms of using properties registered with more than one agency in future to avoid the same thing happening again.
DOES CARDIFF’S UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE TEAM WHUP PAXMAN? – PAGE 4
2 ● N ews
Briefly... Ocean flow clues to climate change SCIENTISTS AT Cardiff University have ‘clocked’ the speed of global ocean circulation over one million years, helping to record how the Earth’s climate has changed over time. Their findings will also help to identify future changes in the climate and to what extent they are induced by modern intervention. An international research team, led by Dr Ian Hall of the Department of Earth Sciences, carried out the study in the southwest Pacific.
S c i e n t ifi c a ll y s p e a k in g A CARDIFF University physicist has earned a national award for promoting science to the public in supermarkets and pubs. Dr Zbig Sobiesierski is the first person in Wales to receive the prestigious Institute of Physics Public Awareness prize. Dr Sobiesierski regularly performs ‘science cabarets’ in public bars and busks in supermarkets. He believes that teaching science to adults in the Centre for Lifelong Learning has given him an excellent foundation for making the subject accessible to the general public.
Monday 1 October 2001, gair rhydd
Seren Las #1 for coffee
COFFEE#1: New to Seren Las
A CARDIFF U n ive r s i t y professor has been awarded an ‘American Nobel’ prize for research that has r evolutionised the study of human health and disease. Professor Martin Evans FRS was awarded the Lasker Award for pioneering the modelling of human disease in rodents. His research is now set to have a major impact on research combating cancer and human genetic disorders. Professor Evans, Director of the Cardiff University School of Biosciences, will receive the award in New York on Friday 21 September.
gairrhydd Address: Gair Rhydd University Union Park Place Cardiff CF10 3QN Telephone: Editorial – (029) 2078 1434/436 Advertising – (029) 2078 1416 E-mail: ssugr1@cf.ac.uk Visitors: Find us on the 4th floor of the Students’ Union
A NEW continental-style coffee shop has opened its doors in Seren Las. Following the popularity of coffee bars such as Starbucks and Coffee Republic in central Cardiff, Coffee #1 aims to imitate the ambience and cuisine of the continent at a fraction of the cost of its high street competitors. The venue, previously run internally by the University’s Residence and Catering division, is now for the first time being leased out to a private company in the hope of remedying poor sales and subsequent high financial losses suffered in previous years.
MP fights to legalise cannabis Lydia Kirby
Nobel Prize for Cardiff S c i e n tis t
By Fran Pattison
PIC: Mike Parsons
The Labour MP f or Car diff Centr al, Jon Owen Jones, spoke of the advantag es of legalising cannabis at a conference last Sunda y. Following his high prof ile campaign this summer to bring a private bill to legalise cannabis by the end of the year, Mr. Jones addressed politicians at a Liberal Democrat conference to discuss the advantages of the legalisation of cannabis. He spoke of the benefits to both society and the individual of legalising the drug for medicinal and recreational use, arguing that the amount of money and time spent on tackling the use of cannabis within society could hardly be justified. He said, ‘As a society we have committed enormous human and economic
resources to trying to stop the sale and use of cannabis. Nationally we spend £1.5 billion a year tackling drugs. This is money that could be used to fund public service.’ Mr Jones also spoke of the hours of police time wasted on prosecuting cannabis users stating that bringing one case to trial takes two policemen several hours to prepare. He added, ‘Frankly, law enforcers have better things to do than ensuring people do not get a regular supply of cannabis and we should release those resources to fight other battles.’ The Labour backbencher, who last year admitted to smoking marijuana as a student, has received support for his proposal from all sides of the House of Commons. Although there is some distance to go before the bill ever has a chance of
President of the Student’s Union, Tom McGarry is confident of the new venture’s success claiming that Coffee #1 will bring an altogether more cosmopolitan atmosphere to the Students’Union. With an impressive array of coffees and hot chocolates all in keeping with the continental theme, owner Darren Shapland hopes Cardiff students will enjoy the chilled-out atmosphere he and his staff hope to provide. Fresh filled baguettes, rolls and panini are available from 8am to 6:30pm Monday to Saturday with a selection of muffins, cakes and pastries and a choice of fresh fruit organic smoothies. Maria Lane, a 3rd year journalism student who has recently
PIC: Mike Parsons
CANNABIS: Drain on police resources
becoming law, his arguments have re-opened debate on the issue of soft drugs. Calling on the examples of the prohibition of cannabis in America and the legalisation of the drug in Holland, Mr. Jones dismissed arguments that the legalising cannabis would cause an increase in crime or in the use of hard drugs. He said, ‘One of the intentions of prohibition in America was the reduction of crime: crime in fact soared during prohibition.’ He continued, ‘Legalisation is not even likely to increase consumption dramatically. The Dutch experience suggests that the legalisation of cannabis would lead to a sudden surge in use, followed by a slow decline as the novelty wears off.’ Mr Jones, who has
Union JobShop gets higher profile CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S largest student emplo yee, Unistaff , is to mer ge with the Union’s JobShop in the hope of providing students with a more streamlined service . JobShop, a service set up at Cardiff Students’ Union for students wanting to find part-time jobs during their time in Cardiff, has provided many students with jobs since it opened in the Union last year. It is hoped that the amalgamation with Unistaff, the internal organisation
started working in Coffee #1, believes the café should be a hit with Cardiff students. She said, ‘The food is of really good quality but all at student prices in a funky atmosphere.’ Although confident of success, Mr Shapland stressed that he would welcome any suggestions as to how his venue could be improved. Despite the new venture in Seren Las during the day, the venue will still be operating as a nightclub in the evenings. Staying with the coffee theme, a new jazz and coffee night called Java will be held every week in Seren Las. The Cafe is situated in Seren Las on the first floor of the Student’s Union .
responsible for providing part-time work within the University, will enable both organisations to operate more effectively. With more and more students suffering greater financial burdens whilst studying at university, largely through the abolition of grants and the introduction of tuition fees, it has become essential for many students to undertake some form of part-time work. JobShop, which advertises jobs from round the city is situated on the ground floor of the Union.
worked in the Cardiff Central constituency for 10 years and observed the struggles between Cardiff students and local residents, many of which are alcohol related, believes that, if cannabis were legalised alcohol abuse would decline. However, Equal
Opportunities and Welfare Officer, Rohan Tambyraja believes it is unlikely that the Union would ever promote the use of cannabis even if the drug were legalised. He said, ‘I doubt it would ever become the union’s policy to advocate the use of the drug.’
N ews ● 3
gair rhydd,Monday 1 October 2001
Grime scene PICS: Mike Parsons
PIC: Talybont in cleaner days INSET: Rubbish bags litter student areas
By Lydia Kirby
A FIRST year student arriving at Talybont last week was forced to return home after he found his room so dirty he was una ble to move in. Jonathan Spratt arrived in Cardiff on the first Wednesday of term hoping to move into his new accommodation in South Talybont, but was shocked to discover that the entire flat had not been cleaned and that food from previous tenants had been left in the kitchen. On entering his room in House 26, Jonathan found his floor scattered with litter and his walls in desperate need of re-painting. He said, ‘The whole flat was disgusting, obviously none of it had been cleaned.’ Jonathan complained immediately to the Residences Office who appeared to have no knowledge of the state of the rooms. He was unable to unpack his belongings due to the state of the room and was forced to return home until the Saturday. Another student, also living in House 26, who had moved in on the Wednesday afternoon, confirmed Jonathan’s views. He said, ‘The rooms were nowhere near as nice as I had thought they would be. If they
Beer mats highlight meningitis d a n g e rs
had been cleaned it hadn’t been done very well.’ Speaking on behalf of the Talybont Residences Department ,External Relations Officer, Debra Lewis described the incident as ‘extremely regrettable and totally uncharacteristic of the service that Residences offers to Students.’ She said, ‘House 26, along with some others has for several years been allocated to post-graduate students, who occupy the accommodation for the full year, some not leaving until late in the afternoon on Monday 17 September. This leaves the University with minimal time for essential maintenance and intensive cleaning routines. ‘At this time of year the Residences team place more than 4,800 first year students into accommodation in a very short period of time.’ She added that had Mr Spratt decided not to return home the Residences Office would have ensured that his room was made ready immediately for occupation. To ensure that next year’s tenants are not subjected to oversights such as this House 26 has been now allocated to undergraduate students allowing plenty of time for redecoration in summer 2002.
PIC: Mike Parsons
Students warned to be wary of the signs of meningitis by pub beer mats By Lydia Kirby BEER MATS in uni versity pubs are being used to warn students to be on the alert for signs of meningitis. The mats, displaying witty slogans to remind students of the dangers of the potentially fatal illness, will be placed in student bars and pubs across the country along with eye-catching posters. The symptoms of meningitis and the details of the Meningitis Trust, which is responsible for the campaign, are printed on the back of the mats. On the front are well-known catch phrases to remind students of the symptoms of the disease such as ‘Not tonight,’ to signify headaches, and ‘I like it better with the lights off ’ for aversion to bright lights. Meningitis kills over 200 people every year and affects thousands more. Students are particularly vulnerable to the disease. One in four students are carriers of the meningococcal bacteria compared to one in 10 of the rest of the population. Shared living arrangements, exposure to germs from all over the
country and lots of social and intimate interaction – factors which are all typical of student life – increase the risk of the disease being spread among students. Philip Kirby, Chief Executive of the Meningitis Trust, believes that targeting students in university pubs, where they are likely to be spending much of their time, will help remind students to be constantly on the alert. He said, ‘It is vital that students are aware of the signs and symptoms of this disease, which can take hold within hours.’ Meningococcal diseases are the commonest infectious cause of death in children and young people up to the age of 20. Despite the success of the vaccination programme, introduced in 1999 to counter meningitis C, there is still no protection against meningitis B, which accounts for about 60 per cent of cases in the UK. The disease is even more dangerous because the symptoms felt in the early stages of the illness often resemble those of a hangover or flu. Richard Cuthbert was a university student when he contracted meningitis and, when he
became ill, thought he was simply coming down with a bad case of flu. He believes that, had he been better acquainted with the symptoms of the disease, he would certainly have sought medical attention much more quickly and is certain this new campaign will be beneficial in raising student awareness of meningitis. Katy Sharp, a 2nd year English Literature student, agrees that the beer mats and posters will help remind students to be on the lookout for signs of meningitis. She said, ‘I think it’s a great idea to warn students about meningitis when they’re in the pub. It’s much less intrusive than the posters you see in clinics and doctor’s surgeries and the phrases are a really good way of making people remember the symptoms.’ . The main symptoms of meningitis are a high temperature, vomiting, severe headaches, stiffness. joint pains, aversion to bright lights, drowsiness and disorientation. If you know someone is ill and suspect meningitis you are advised to contact your GP immediately
Terrorists target freshers By Lydia Kirby STUDENTS ACROSS the country ar e being w arned against an e xtremist Muslim group belie ved to be tar geting Freshers’ Fairs across Britain to recruit students to fight in ‘holy wars’. The group, Al-Muhajiroun, whose policies are extreme, was banned from university campuses last year by the NUS. Al-Muhajiron, along with some extremist Christian groups were excluded by the NUS on the grounds that their campaigns and leaflets are intimidating and offensive to women as well as gay, lesbian and disabled students. The NUS has held a ‘no-platforms’ policy for 15 years banning extremist groups such as Al-Muhajiroun from attending Union events. Despite the ban, NUS and government officials are convinced that the group will again attempt to target freshers’ fairs after setting up a stall at Manchester University earlier in the month. NUS vice-president for education, Brooks Dukes, stressed that while it is ultimately up to each individual Union to enforce the ban, the NUS will be working closely with each Union to ensure that the group are not allowed a platform or able to threaten students. He added, ‘AlMuhajiroun incite hatred and NUS will not tolerate extremist views and the intimidation of students.’ The group is also believed to have links with Osama Bin Laden and the recent terrorist attacks in America after three students from Germany, thought to be involved in the suicide attacks, were discovered to have linked with AlMuhajiroun. The group are understood to target young Muslim men, with the aim of recruiting them to fight in the ‘holy war’. It is widely believed that in the past several students in Britain have withdrawn from their courses to train as AlMuhajiron fighters in Afghanistan. Since the terrorist attacks on America a number of racially motivated incidents have been reported across Wales and, in order to curb fears that religious conflict may spread to campuses, NUS Wales have launched a campaign to promote greater understanding between religious groups. NUS Wales hope to highlight that the Islam fundamentalists said to be responsible for the attacks on America are not representative of the Muslim community. Steve Brooks, president of NUS Wales said, ‘What we are seeking to do is to demonstrate that the religious diversity we see on our campuses should be celebrated and not attacked.’ NUS Vice-President for Education, Brooks Duke added, ‘Muslim students do not identify with AlMuhajiroun and the NUS will not tolerate extremist views and the intimidation of students.’
BIN LADEN: Links with Al-Muhajiroun
4 ● N ews
gair rhydd, Monday 1 October 2001
WILLIAM BEGINS UNI IN ST. ANDREWS
gair rhydd Editorial Welcome back to w h a t? It’s been a surreal few weeks for everyone, especially for the freshers who have come to start their new lives at uni with the threat of a World War hanging over their heads. Like most people I was glued to my television set on September 11, watching in disbelief at the unfolding horror. At the time it seemed that normal life as we knew it had disappeared, because how could ordinary things like going to the cinema or the pub matter now? But, to quote the cliche, life goes on. Now the newspaper is back in action, its time to get on with our lives, as to do anything different would be giving the terrorists what they want. And so, without forgetting the events of two weeks ago, we should all be placing things into perspective and looking to the future. For freshers, that means three years of new friends, new opportunities and new chances to get pissed. But I’d just like to take this chance, as a ex-student and hating every minute of it, to urge you to make the most of your time here at Cardiff. Just looking at the news stories in gair rhydd this week – the appearance of our fantastic uni in university challenge, the Jobshop being one of the biggest student employment agencies in the country, the opening of an up-to-the-minute coffee bar in Seren Las, makes me excited about the future of the university and the union. After the dreadful events in America making us all look our own mortality in the face, now is the time to grab life with both hands and cram as much as you can into your next three years. One of those things could be joining a club or society, or taking part in the student volunteering programme. You could gain a transferable skill by taking part in a Student Development course, or enhance you cv and street cred by coming to write for gair rhydd. Or you could just go out loads and kill your liver. Whatever you choose to do, my advice would be to do it in your 1st year, because by the time your 3rd year comes, you won’t have time to do anything. So, the one piece of advice for those of you that are still fresh faced and without any work pressures is just to get involved in some shape or form. Your parents, your cv and even your self esteem and pride won’t regret it. And by the way, if you want to get involved with the biggest and best society in the union, we’re on the 4th floor. If you’re keen, we’ll gladly have you.
Prince causes rise in university admissions
Pat McCaren
THE UNIVERSITY admissions organisation, UCAS, has announced that applications to St Andrews University ha ve rocketed following the disclosure that Prince William would be studying there this year . Prince William arrived at St Andrews University last week driven by his father, Prince Charles, to embark on university life in Scotland. Over a quarter of the sleepy seaside town’s 16,000 population turned out to welcome the prince to his new home where he will spend the next four years studying for a masters in history of art. Fresh from a gap year in which he visited Chile and Africa, as well as a stint
ROYAL: “I’m Prince William, who the
mucking out cows, William arrived looking slightly beleaguered. He strolled towards his £2,000 a year hall of residence wearing jeans, a blue jumper, and a pair of tatty trainers, in an effort to play down his status that had been responsible for whipping up a local and national frenzy. The King-to-be is seemingly oblivious to the hardships of student life, choosing to raise money this summer for his stint at St Andrews by ploughing fields and shifting hay bales near his father’s Highgrove estate for the measly wage of £3.20 a hour. Although money is unlikely to be a problem for William Wales, as he wishes to be known, allowing him to immerse himself in student life at the third oldest university in Britain, surrounded by picturesque Highland landscapes, 22 pubs but no clubs. The Prince admits he will have to travel down to Edinburgh at weekends to taste the nightlife, but is keen to concentrate on making new friends first. He voluntarily chose to o v e r l o o k hell are you?” Freshers’ week
to prevent the press disrupting the lives of other students so early into their new university lives. St Andrews’has a reputation as a haven for elite undergraduates, re-enforced by the students union’s decision to sever its ties with the NUS, but president of the Students Association, Dana Green insists, “St Andrews really does have a broad cross section of society. The group of Hooray Henrys are a small, if vocal, contingent”. However, it is anticipated that William will befriend other privileged students, given his notorious track record with the likes of Lord Frederick Windsor, and liaisons with such double-barrelledbeauties as Isabella Anstruther-GoughCalthorpe and Emma Parker-Bowles, the niece of his father’s girlfriend. However, the future King may have an American Queen at his side, due to the 44% increase of female applicants to St Andrews this year, most of whom are American. Although St James Palace has asked the media to leave William alone during his time at St Andrews, any incidents – d ru n ken or romantic – will feed the tabloids craving for stories about the young prince. Such stories could leak from within the university’s Kate Kennedy club, an exclusively male society that oozes traditions of days gone by. The highlight of the club’s social calendar is the annual procession through the town where its prettiest member is dressed up as Kate Kennedy and paraded through the streets. Should William join, it will be interesting to see if he is the one to don a dress.
Cardiff Universally Challenged By Fran Pattison CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S finest will be on national television this w eek competing in the supreme quiz sho w, University Challeng e. The foursome responded to an appeal last year from Campaigns and Community Officer, Elaye Clark, to find Cardiff’s brightest stars to represent the University in the prestigious show and bring glory to the university and the Capital. Around 50 hopefuls attended the selection process held in Solus last May to find the ultimate four to take represent Cardiff University. And after much deliberation the team of Nick Harrison, Rob Jackson, Neil Gardner and Gareth Moss was selected to travel to Bristol to take part in qualifying for the televised heats of the show. The team faced tough rivalry with only 28 universities out of 150 progressing, yet the boys were able to compose themselves and display their superior knowledge to secure themselves a seat facing the consummate quizmaster Jeremy Paxman.
Elaye Clark was overjoyed to be told the team were one of the select few to appear on the BBC. He said, ‘To get even this far in the competition is a massive achievement of which we are incredibly proud – an even greater accolade when you consider that this is the first time in four years that Cardiff has even produced such a team.’ He added ‘The boys have done the University and themselves proud’. Commenting on the experience, team captain Nick seemed wholly enamoured with Mr Paxman in particular describing him as ‘charming’ and claiming him to be entirely PAXMAN: More God than man unlike his hardman TV persona off screen. The team’s quest for supremacy He said, ‘He was a genuinely nice guy commences on Monday October 1st at 8pm and as soon as the cameras had stopped on BBC2 against University Challenge rolling, he was cracking open the beers with thoroughbreds, University College London. all of us as if we were old friends’. Tune in to see the outcome.
N ews ● 5
gair rhydd,Monday 1 October 2001
Postgrads lose out in council tax By Lydia Kirby A SCHEME is being de veloped to ensur e that post-graduate students at Car diff University will no longer have to pay Council Tax. At present some post-graduates, particularly ‘writing-up’ students, but also those studying for PhD’s and on some taught post-graduate courses, are not exempt from paying Council Tax based on the fact that they are not in full attendance on the course.
Academic Affairs Off icer, Ian Hibble disagrees with this policy and believes that these students should be exempt from council tax, as is already the case with under graduate students. He hopes to introduce to Cardiff University a scheme, currently being piloted in Newcastle, whereby an academic responsible for the post-graduate course notifies the County Council by letter that the student is studying at the university. Full and part time students would then be
exempt from council tax Hibble said, ‘It seems very unfair to make these students pay out so much money especially as, having examined the Council Tax Statute, I can see no reason why these post graduate students should not be exempt.’ The scheme in Newcastle means that provided that the course lasts for at least one year, takes up at least 24 weeks a year and requires at least 21 hours study per week, the student will be exempt from paying Council Tax. This is a scheme Ian Hibble hopes to
follow in Cardiff. He said, ‘Its in early stages, but I am currently in the process of writing to the Minister for Local Government, the local A.M and the Secretary of State to recognise these students rights in regard to this matter. There has also been confusion over why some ‘writing-up’ post-graduate students are unable to take out as many books from the university library as they had expected. In this matter students are advised to seek assistance from the individual departments.
Gair Rhydd nominated for national awards
James Bladon
CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S newspaper , Gair Rhydd, has recei ved two nominations in this year’s Guardian Student Media Awards. The awards evening which will take place later this year, will feature the cream of Britains student media talent at a ceremony on 17 October in central London. Gair Rhydd has been short-listed in the two categories of Best Campaign and the Diversity Award. Last year Gair Rhydd mounted a campaign lobbying the Welsh Assembly to pass legislation over the creation of a ‘bond bank’. The scheme was thought up to ensure that the thousands of pounds students laid out each year to landlords and housing agencies in the form of bonds was properly regulated. With a great deal of support from assembly members and readers, the suggestions were widely debate at the seat of regional government. As a result the assembly is now in the process of finalising plans for the ‘bond bank’. It is hoped it will be fully operational by 2002, in time for the rush of students organising accommodation. The second award for which the paper was recognised for was the Diversity Award. This is presented each year to the journalist on a paper who has best
represented the diversity within British culture. Louise Gray caught the eye of the judges this year with a feature on gypsies living in South Wales. Editor of Gair Rhydd, Sarah Hodson was delighted with the nominations for both awards, and said, “I am very pleased that the hard work all the staff put in last year has been recognised by these nominations”. She continued, “It is obviously tremendously exciting, so we will all be keeping our fingers crossed on the night.” Cardiff last tasted success in the national competition in 1999 when the newspaper scooped the award for Best Campaign, an award the paper will be contesting once again this year. Gair Rhydd took the plaudits in 1999 on the back of a campaign to have the congested summer examination programme altered. The timetable would have seen some students sit f ive exams in as many days altered, however the University was eventually forced to bow to the pressure exerted by Gair Rhydd and its readers, and many of exams were rescheduled. Gair Rhydd meaning ‘free word’in Welsh will reach its 700th issue next week. The paper’s long and illustrious history has seen it collect overall honours on two occasions in The Guardian’s Media Awards, being named Best College Newspaper in 1990 and once again in 1991.
New blood for oldest profession by Lydia Kirby STUDENTS ARE being urged to ignore a recent recruitment campaign for an escort agency. Posters luring students to becoming escorts have been plastered on bins and lamp-posts in streets around the Union. The posters, which appeared around the campus last weekend to coincide with the start of the new term, initially attract students with the words ‘Earn Hundreds’ printed in
bold letters across the notice. Beneath this is the request for male and female students to become escorts and a mobile telephone number. No details of the company are given anywhere on the notice. The Union’s Equal Opportunities and Welfare Officer, Rohan Tambyraja, warned students to be wary of ads such as this. He said, ‘ The Union aims to maintain a safe environment for all its students and I would
advise students not to get involved with anything like this.’ Students are often easy prey for escort agencies with more and more students finding themselves in financial difficulty due to the abolition of grants and introduction of tuition fees. A report released last year on the escort business showed a steady increase in the number of student escorts in recent years and warned of the dangers some of these students faced.
GAIR RHYDD: Staying up all night to write the paper – so you don’t have to.
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Let ter s ● 7
gair rhydd,Monday 1st October 2001
Letter of the week The writer of this week’s Letter of the Week wins himself an afternoon with the Queen Mother and a hearty round of applause. Dear Gair Rhydd, Over the past year, my friends and I have taken a considerable amount of pleasure working up hefty points balances with the Union’s loyalty card system, the “Blue Card.” Many a happy evening would be spent in the Tav, knowing that for every pint we quaffed, we were getting closer to that student holy grail, free beer. So now, returning to Cardiff, Blue Cards clutched in our sweaty palms ready to reap our rewards, we were shocked and disgusted to discover that the loyalty card system has changed. Our cherished points have vanished into the ether, and our Blue Cards on which we worked so hard last year are now only useful for stabilising rocking restaurant tables and breaking into houses secured only with Yale locks and sash windows. Why were we not made aware that this was going to happen? After all the time and effort we spent last year accruing the points, why could the Tav not have told us that we needed to spend them, which we would happily have done? I imagine that the Union made a lot of money from our and other people’s loyalty. It’s just a shame that they saw fit to screw us over, Yours dejectedl y, Robin Bruce Jackson
Hush now Dear Gair Rhydd, I am just writing to make a polite request to all the people who are going to wander home from the union pissed as farts in the coming year. It is not funny or entertaining to be waken by you singing, vandalising cars or having sex in the street in the early hours of the morning. I hope you all have many a good evening destroying your brain-cells with watered down union beer, but I don’t want to be forced to enjoy your evening with you. So please please please be nice quiet citizens on your way home. That especially goes for all the pissed up twats singing
Wonderwall outside my window at 1:30 this morning. Do it again and I will hunt you down and exact bloody revenge upon you, your families and your families’pets. Yours sleepless, The Last of the Mohicans Lettersdesk says: Easy now, we’re only just out of freshers’ week. The much respected S.O.U.L campaign (that’s Save Our Union License to the uninitiated) will once again be swinging into to action this semester which will hopefully help to keep late night noise levels to a minimum. Until then keep your violent tendencies in check and get yourself some earplugs.
T he Blue s Dear Gair Rhydd, As an avid fan of soft pornography, I have been consistently disappointed by the lack of ‘adult’ films in the Blockbuster Video machine. Despite the tempting selection displayed, from ‘The Erotic Witch Project’to ‘Sex Detectives’, every time I attempt to hire one of these videos for my viewing pleasure they have been unavailable. Is this a devious plot by blockbuster to lure me to the machine only to be forced to hire a lame romantic comedy instead, or is there a porn maniac selfishly hoarding them somewhere? If so, where do you live? Yours, The Blue Side ways Bitch
Those were t he days ... Dear Gair Rhydd, I am writing to celebrate the return of 80s Nite. Nice one. Since its demise, Thursday nights just haven’t been the same. Finally, a reason to drag my aching body through the week. I can only assume that pints will be returning to 80p - aye, aye, huh?!?! Yours, A hopeful 4th Year
A lo a d of old R u b bis h
bags put outside on a Wednesday will not be collected for a whole week, and will simply be left to fester on your doorstep. Whilst you may not mind living in a street which smells much like a large heap of dung, some of us certainly do. Not to mention the health risks involved. Let’s try to keep our residential areas as pleasant as possible, rather than adding the general public’s perception of students as being the lowest form of human life. Yours malodorousl y, Cathays resident
F r e s h id ea s Dear Gair Rhydd, Why does the Student Union consider that the best way to encourage freshers to enjoy themselves is to cram as many of them as possible into the Solus every night? It is very hard to forge friendships when the sheer volume of the music makes conversation a practical impossibility, and getting to the bar requires an effort of marathon proportions. Surely there are more interesting and dare I say original ways of getting these poor unfortunates into the swing of University life. Could the union, as at other universities, not organise excursions, events etc. etc. whereby these youngsters could actually get to know each other. Maybe then the rest of us could enjoy the occasional night in the union without fear of being crushed to an untimely death by hoards of sweaty little munchkins.
Dear Gair Rhydd, I am writing in an attempt to bring the habits of Cathays’refuse collectors to the attention of residents who may be new to the area. They collect your rubbish every Wednesday morning, thus requiring you to put it out on Tuesday Night. The sharp among you will realise, therefore, that bin-
Yours, Super Furry Mouse
S pit it O u t Dear Gair Rhydd, I . . . well . . . urgh . . . but . . . ummmmm. Nah.
A very slow 4th Year
M id s u m m er M adness Dear Gair Rhydd, I was dismayed to read in the last issue of your fine newspaper that the University’s Information Services department have once again decided to alter its printing facilities over the summer, for the worse as far as I can see. Is it not enough that we have to pay 6p for every sheet we print, an extortion in itself, but now we are to be forced to queue for hours on end simply to charge up our accounts. I’m all for embracing technological advancements, but not merely for the sake of it. The old system worked perfectly well, for the most part, and if it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it. Yours irritatedl y, James Hill
Too many, t oo much m oney Dear Gair Rhydd, I am writing to air a grievance which I’ve been harbouring for a while now. Why is it that all students have to pay the same amount of tuition fees regardless of their course of study? As a humanities student, I have 6 hours of lectures a week (yes, yes, lazy, lazy humanities students, yadder, yadder, yadder) and require the use of a minimal amount of resources when compared to, say, Science or Engineering students. My annoyance was compounded when I learnt that the Business School has just shelled out £4.2 million on a “major new complex”, whilst the humanities department remains situated in wholly uninspiring surroundings. Yours, 3rd Year English Student
Yours,
Send your letters in to us at Gair Rhydd, Students’ Union, Park Place, CF10 3QN or e-mail SSUGR1@CARDIFF.AC.UK. Gair Rhydd will attempt to print any letter sent in, but apologises for those that do not make it in due to space restrictions. The views expressed in these letters are not necessarily those of the newspaper or the editor.
Crossword Ah, the Gair Rhydd cross word. Prove your cerebral worth and secure yourself a free meal for you and a friend at the same time . Go on, I dare you. ACROSS : 1. Fancy cake (6) 4. Backless dress or top,held up behind the neck (6) 9. Currently in pr ogress (7) 10. _____ Street,the press (5) 11. Hospital wor ker (5) 12. Lar ge, smelly relati ve of the weasel (7) 13. Famous 17th Century diarist (6) 15. Dark br own pigment (5) 20. Good for nothing (7) 22. Pond amphibians (5) 24. In existence (5) 25. Deliberately offensi ve (7) 26.Arouse (6) 27. Small ri ver (6)
DOWN: 1. Crushed to powder (6) 2. Indian big cat (5) 3. Nimbly (7) 5. Dreadful (5) 6. Sweet, viscous syrup (7) 7. Swivel (6) 8. Country of North Africa, capital Cairo (5) 14. Mournful (7) 16. Police search for an escaped criminal (7) 17. Civilised and just (6) 18. Nati ve of the lar gest continent (5) 19. High regard (6) 21. Vote into office (5) 23.Whereas (5) Send your ans wers to the gair rhyddoffice and the winner will be announced in the next issue . 698’s solution: ACROSS : 1. Capitals; 7.Oval; 8.Buffer; 9.Oddity; 13.Bet; 15.Ena; 16.Ian; 18.Red; 20.Waders; 24.The Box; 25.Rats; 26.Turno ver. DOWN:2.Acute; 3.Iffy; 4.Apron; 5.Sold; 6.Salt; 10.Dawn; 11.Ivor; 12.Yard; 13.Brow; 14.Thud; 15.Emir; 17.Aster; 19.Evoke; 21.Ar ab; 22.East; 23.Hero.
Name: _______________________________________________________________________ Address:______________________________________________________________________ If I was Gair Rhydd editor I would:________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
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C o m men t ● 9
gair rhydd, Monday 1 October 2001
CCoommmm en t en t The day that shook the world I
TWIN TOWERS: A day no-one will forget
t is hard to believe that several weeks ago I was happily taking photos of the breathtaking buildings that once made up New York’s World Trade Centre. Now, when I compare those photos to the endless news footage, the only way of identifying one street is a small NYC flag that still hangs from the wall of a ruined office building. I visited New York in August to see a friend who was working there. It was impossible not to fall in love with the sheer buzz of the city and its vast, gleaming buildings. The view from the Statue of Liberty across to Manhattan will stay with me forever, and yet it breaks my heart to think that its distinctive, towering centrepiece is now gone forever. When I first heard of the terror developing on that fateful Tuesday morning, I could not believe it was real. Fortunately my friend had returned by the day of the attack, but only a week or so before had spent hours in the World Trade Centre shopping and meeting friends. Now over 5,000 people are still missing and presumed dead
amongst its rubble. Like so many have said in the aftermath, I too thought America was simply indestructible. The attacks were so calculated and yet so simple, it is impossible to comprehend how anyone could believe in something so strongly, as to cause such devastation. As the task of recovering bodies and clearing the wreckage continues, President Bush has the difficult task of responding to the attacks and contemplating the fate of chief suspect Osama Bin Laden without worsening the situation. With many European and some Arab states including Pakistan offering support for American action, an imminent large-scale reprisal is inevitable. British and American forces are already assembled in key air and military bases in the Middle East. It is understandable that many Americans feel immense patriotism and support extreme military action, however the consequences of this may lead to the death of thousands of innocent Muslims and cause a catastrophe in an already troubled region.
However, it appears impossible to negotiate terms with a regime that loathe all that America stands for. Either way, it is clear that these attacks will have far reaching repercussions. At a time when the global economy is under strain, airlines and insurance companies are making cuts and consumer spending may fall as people worry about share and investments. All this when young people will be entering the work place. We are starting our adult lives in a world full of uncertainty with the threat of intense, long-winded war hanging over our heads. Whatever happens, we can never realistically “stamp out evil” as president Bush has suggested, but the overwhelming show of bravery, patriotism and support these attacks have brought out in America and the rest of the world, should at least show us one thing; that there is far more good in the world than we can never imagine, and that will never be stamped out. Kathy Wilshere
Enrolling along nicely Identity crisis A
s most of you fine readers out there know, along with the general delights and highlights of Freshers’ Week, (cheap nights at the Union, poster fairs and lots of freebies at the companies’ fair) also came the trials and tribulations of not only enrolment but the collection of our NUS cards and loans. In previous years I’ve found this procedure not only painfully slow, but just generally highly annoying because no-one has ever seemed to know what to do or where to go and everyone fights over who’s standing in front of who in the queue. Said endless queues are often to be joined at the back, half way around the Union – and you don’t even know if it’s the right line to be in until you’ve been waiting half an hour. They always leave you feeling hot, tired and uncontrollably thirsty, because the thought of even nipping to get a drink from the can machine just ahead of you is completely out of the question, because you’d find yourself at the back of the queue again. So this year was an absolute shock when I turned up at Talybont for my central enrolment to be in and out again in twenty minutes, with not a queue in sight. Departmental enrolment went as expected, not straight through but not too challenging either. As I left the Humanities Building I was
preparing myself for the normal chaos that surrounds collecting my NUS card and loan but much to my amazement, there was no queueing through the Games Room – I was in and out in a matter of seconds. I couldn’t believe it. I was even more astounded when collecting my loan went just as smoothly – so smoothly in fact that i’m sure that something must be about to happen to me to change my luck, so there’ll be no walking under ladders for me for the next few days. I have to say that I’m not alone in my joy at this year’s enrolment, because instead of hearing the normal mutterings of complaints about being hot and everything being slow from the people in front and behind me, instead there was a definite sense of calm – what a pleasant change. My only quibble with this year’s smooth enrolment is that it’s my last one, because typically for the previous two years I’ve had to camp outside the Union to join the queues and take a team of Sherpas to get through the crowds on the stairs. So it’s just my luck that the system finally begins to work on my last year. But then hey, you win some, you lose some, and I feel like I’ve won the lottery with a nice fat loan cheque in my pocket! Siân Birch
I
n the wake of the recent atrocities in America, David Blunkett has announced plans for compulsory ID cards for all Brits - apparently in order to crack down on terrorist activity. The cards, which are expected to be backed by the Prime Minister, would be able to store a huge amount of information about any one individual that would be accessible to the authorities at the touch of a button. This introduction would mean that the government would be able to identify any threats when they appear and hopefully avoid any further loss of lives. But there are several concerns about the use of ID cards, not least those held by supporters of human rights. The introduction of ID cards and the concern about the invasion of peoples’ privacy follows other recent measures by the government, which can on
one hand be seen as preventative, but on the other as an imposition into our lives and our basic rights to privacy. Such an example would be speed cameras and CCTV cameras like those recently installed outside the Students’ Union here in Cardiff. Whilst human rights activists are dead against the introduction of ID cards, seeing it as an invasion of privacy, a recent poll has shown that 85% of people supported the decision. I for one would be inclined to agree with this decision – after all, with the loss of at least 5,000 lives in the recent terrorist attacks in America, and many lives also lost through speeding and violent crimes, what does a bad passport photo and a piece of plastic matter if it means that innocent lives are saved? Sam Bevan
Riled? Peeved? Opinionated? Got something you need to share with the rest of us? Come and write for Comment then. Gair Rhydd office, fourth floor of the Union.
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M u s i c r e v ie w t he new al b u m f r o m B en & Jason
W in t ic k e t s f o r a fil m o f y o u r c h oic e on page 7
Games check o u t new game M ax P o we r
Ooh La La! Amelie. the feelgood film of the year, makes Film go all goey inside Roots Manuva • Ted Hughes • PJ Harvey Act One • Arts in Cardiff • Freidrich Nietzsche I n s i d e : G e t T h e r e ! T h e u l t i m a t e g u i d e t o C a r d if f a n d b e y o n d !
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G e t s d e e p w i t h N ie t z s c h e and Ted H ughes, and b o o m y w i t h B r ia n B le s s e d .
0 6 . F il m
F il m i n t e r v ie w G u r i n d h a C h ad a ab o u t he r B ritis h fil m a b o u t A m e r i c a n s , a n d r e v ie w t h e a w e s o m e A m elie .
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G RiP E di t o r S arah H odson G R i P E di t o r Princess of Albania Arts Liz zie B r o w n a n d L a D o n n a H all B ooks D . C . Gates F il m J o nathan S teven Games J a m e s M o r le y a n d C h r is F ai r e s M u s ic G e m m a C u r tis a n d M a r ia L a n e Get Ther e N o el G a r d n e r n e e d s a lif e T V Lis t in g s C h a r lo t t e M a r t y n , N o el G a r d n e r , N ic k H a r r is o n G R i P n e e d s y o u r h elp ! W e a r e o v e r w o r k e d a n d lo sin g o u r m in d s . V isit o u r m e dia p e n t h o u s e o n t h e 4 t h flo o r o f t h e U nio n o r • E - m ail s s u g r 1 @c a r dif f . a c . u k • H ea r u s s peak 0 2 9 2 0 7 8 1 4 3 4 / 6
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elcome back to Get There , the listings section that r e ally , REALLY hates wearing a tie. It’s also a great way of communicating with members of your society, as the days grow longer and people disappear mysteriously. So, if you want to advertise a for thcoming event, you’ll have to drop in a pleading note to the Gair Rhydd office or e-mail us at ssugr1 @ cf.ac.uk putting Listings as the subject by noon W ednesday .
U nio n M on d ay 1 / 1 0 Fun Factory @ Solus 9pm, free. With ‘Beat the Clock’ promotions running from 9-11pm.
Tu e s d a y 2 / 6
Who knows?
W ed ne s d a y 3 / 1 0 Jive Hive @ Solus 9pm-1am, £2.50. The midweek look back in time with loads of ‘60s and ‘70s tunes for all you sports fans to go crazy to.
T h u r s d ay 4 / 1 0
Replay @ Solus 9pm, £2. It’s like ‘80s night only with enough ‘90s stuff so first years don’t feel stupid. 80p a pint on stuff.
F r id a y 5 / 1 0
Lashtastic @ Solus 9pm, £2. The cheesemonkey brings you lashings of gruyere, roule and gouda for your listening pleasure. And pints are cheap too.
C lu b bin g M onday 1 / 1 0 Rational Thinking @ The End... 8pm-11pm, Drum’n’bass. Student night @ Cuba 9pm-2am, Free b4 10pm. Happy Hour @ Bar IsIt? 5pm-7pm, £5 bottle of wine, £6 4-pint pitcher of Fosters
Tu e s d a y 2 / 1 0
Hoochy Koochy @ The Emporium 9pm-2am, £1 b4 10pm/£2. Salsa night @ Cuba 9pm-2am, Entry varies, Salsa classes from 8pm, Carlsberg £1 a bottle, Bacardi £1.50 a bottle. Rock Inferno @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9pm-2am, £2.50, Heavy Rock Disco. Pulse @ Zeus £1 a pint and spirits. A market with meat. Breakbeat @ The End... 8pm-11pm, With DJ Pete. Offya Face @ Metros 9pm-2am, £2 before 10.30pm. Happy Hour @ Henry’s Cafe Bar 3pm-9pm, £2.50 for cocktails with NUS card.
W ed nes d ay 3 / 1 0
The Cheesey Club / The Milky Bar / Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9.30pm-2am. £2/£2.50 after 11pm. Party night @ Cuba 9pm-2am, free entry, Carlsberg £1 a bottle, Bacardi £1.50 a bottle. Student Night @ Liquid 9.30pm-2am, £2,everything from UK garage to indie, all drinks £1.50. Happy Hour @ Henry’s Cafe Bar 3pm-9pm, £2.50 for cocktails with NUS card. RhythmNation @ Dylan’s Toucan Acoustic Sessions @ Toucan Club Student Night @ Evolution 9.30pm-2am. Carlsberg £1, all spirits £1, all other drinks £1.50. Student Night @ Rosie’s Bar DJ from 8pm. Carlsberg £1, all spirits £1, all other drinks £1.50. Happy Hour @ Bar IsIt? All night 2 for 1 offers on Smirnoff Ice, Foster’s Ice and Strongbow Ice Pure Brown Sugar @ Philharmonic 10pm-2am, free before 10pm then £3/£2.50 NUS, r‘n’b, soul and ragga, £1 pint.
T hur sday 4 / 1 0
Progressive House @ The End... Disco Inferno @ Zeus 9pm-2am, £3/£2 NUS, 70s stuff. Zzzz. Let’s Get It On @ Clwb Ifor Bach 10pm-2am, £2/£2.50, Soul, jazz, Latin and funk. Lambada Night @ Cuba 9pm-2am, Free entry b4 10pm, Merengue and Latin classes from 8pm, Carlsberg £1 a bottle, Bacardi £1.50 a bottle.
US Garage @ The End... 8pm-11pm, With DJ Gavin. Move ‘n’ Groove @ The Edge (Po Na Na) 10pm-3am, £3/£4, House and Garage. Chaos @ Metros 9pm-3am, alternative student night. Robots Eat My Face @ Oz Bar (downstairs) 9pm-1am, £1. Stoner rock/post-hardcore night. ROAR @ Evolution 9pm-4am. £10 or £8 NUS. Cool House @ Bar Ice 9pm-2am. US, UK and Italian house with resident DJs and special guests each week. Party Night @ Red’s 11am-2am. 70s, 80s, 90s, chart, R’n’B, Garage and Swing!!! Metropolis @ Charles Street 10pm-2am, Free before 11/£3 after. Chillout and mellow funk with Andy Loveless.
S a t u r day 6 / 1 0
Sneaker Freaks @ Clwb Ifor Bach 10pm-3am, £7/£8. New weekend house/breaks venture, fortnightly from now on. This week it’s Soul Of Man and Krafty Kuts from Finger Lickin Records, plus Neil Hinchley and Klang. Funky Techno @ The End... 8pm-11pm, with One Mission DJ’s. Bitch @ The Edge (Po Na Na) 10pm-4am, £5. The Betty Ford Guest List @ Metros 9pm-3am, £3 before 10.30pm. Club Class Latino – Sol Latino + guest DJs @ Toucan Entry £3.50 b4 10pm, slammers £1 b4 10.30pm. Dance Classics @ Bar Cuba 10pm-2am. £2/£4. DJ Andy Loveless Stateside @ Bar Ice 9pm-2am. Funky US, UK house and Garage. Party Night @ Red’s 11am-2am. 70s, 80s, 90s, chart!!! Kettle @ Bar Amigos 8pm-1am, free entry before 9.30pm then £2. Twisted By Design @ Dempsey’s 7pm-12am, £2 I think.
Liv e M u s ic M o n d ay 1 / 1 0 Alabama 3 @ Clwb Ifor Bach 7.30pm, £8.00 adv. Information (029) 20232199. They ain’t going to Goa. Pity. Nah, I like Alabama 3, they’re just a little wearying. The Music + Superstring @ Barfly 7.30-11pm, £5 adv. Information (20) 667658. ‘Hotlytipped’ yet actually pretty good northerners hit Wales for the first time.
Tu e s d a y 2 / 1 0
Preston School of Industry + Mower + El Goodo @ Barfly 7.30-11pm, £6 adv. Spiral Stairs, ex of Pavement, toting an actually surprisngly good album. Mower are Graham Coxon’s mates from Camden, while we’re guessing that El Goodo have a massive boner about supporting an ex-Pavement member. Form an orderly queue, ladies.
W ed ne s day 3 / 1 0
Spunge + Whitmore + 4ft Fingers @ Barfly 7.30-11pm, £5 adv. Perma-touring ska merchants supported by Cheltonian skatecore youth (4Ft Fingers). Score guys. Fishtake + Fog Donkey @ Oz Bar 8pm (I think), £2. A Robots Eat My Face promotion with Husker Du-type punkers Fishtake and London’s Fog Donkey.
T h u r s d ay 4 / 1 0
Sammo Hung + Salon Kitty @ Barfly 7.30-11pm, £3.00. One of Cardiff’s many local bands, Sammo Hung rock raw, scratchy punk bells. You should see them at some point. Maybe tonight. The Slackers + Lubbynugget + Shootin' Goon + Skankt @ Newport TJ’s 9pm, £7. Information (01633) 216608. Hellcat Records trad-ska/reggae band inspire foolish dancing in Newport, with the aid of three British cohorts.
F r id a y 5 / 1 0
years, still really young but not very good. We thought Bombshell Rocks were doing this as well, but could be wrong. Anyway, there you are.
C o m in g U p W ed nes day 1 0 / 1 0 t o F r id a y 1 9 / 1 0 Radio 2 Live In Cardiff @ various venues Mostly free, but tickets first come first served. Information (029) 20694450. Loads of good stuff, so don’t get all cynical about, cough, ‘the older generation’. you young scamps. Full rundown next week hopefully, but highlights include Embrace, Gorky’s, The Divine Comedy, Pete Wylie, Haven, Murry The Hump (last gig ever... sniff) and about a trentfillion more. Starting blocks for tickets, kids.
S u nday 1 4/ 1 0
Mark B & Blade @ Solus 7.30pm, £7.50. Rather good UK hip-hoppers will hopefully deign to both turn up this time, unlike in Clwb Ifor Bach earlier this year. Lazy tossers.
F r id a y 1 2 / 1 0
Super Furry Animals + Killa Kela + DJ Vadim @ Cardiff International Arena 7.30pm, £16. Information (029) 20224488. This is going to rule. Nice choice of support as well.
Tue s d ay 1 6 / 1 0
Trans Am + The Fucking Champs + Sticker Club @ Newport TJ’s 9pm, £5. Two ace American experimental bands come to our back yard. No Ground Processes, who are putting this on, deserve a big phat kiss for this.
W ed nes day 1 7 / 1 0
Propaghandi + Grade @ Newport TJ’s £6.50 adv, phone for times. American hardcore types, generally described as ‘politcal’ and ‘emotional’respectively, arrive for rare UK dates. Should be good.
S at u r day 2 0 / 1 0
Ninja Tunes Night @ Seren Las 7.30pm, phone for prices. With DJ Food and The Herbaliser. Go and do drugs. (not really – careful ed).
M o nd ay 2 2 / 1 0
Shed Seven @ Solus 7.30pm, phone for prices. Maybe Rick Witter will piss against the jukebox of the Taf, like he did last time Shed Seven played here. But would anyone notice if he did? Cinerama @ Clwb Ifor Bach 7.30pm, £8.00 adv. This might be the indiest night ever. David Gedge is described as “a creepy man who focuses too much” by someone in the office.
M o n day 2 9 / 1 0
Six By Seven @ Clwb Ifor Bach 7.30pm, £6 adv. They’re sick at the state of Britain. That’s because you live in Nottingham, you fools.
T h u r s day 0 1 / 1 1
Gene @ Clwb Ifor Bach £10 adv, phone for times. After Echobelly last week, the indie nostalgia circuit continues to pass through Cardiff. Louche is the word we’re looking for.
F r id a y 0 2 / 1 1
Slipknot @ Cardiff International Arena £20 (gulp) adv, phone for times. Way overpriced, but it’s going to rule. Come on, don’t be a pussy. Go and see Slipknot and watch a man play drums with his head.
F r id a y 0 9 / 1 1
Muse @ Newport Centre Phone for times and prices. Indie-prog princes screech amusingly in large sports hall.
S a t u r d ay 1 0 / 1 1
Embrace @ Great Hall 7.30pm, £12.50 adv. Back again, in a venue that can actually accommodate them this time (see above).
T hu r sday 1 5 / 1 1
Wheatus @ Great Hall 7.30pm, £12.50 adv. I’m scared frankly.
S u nd ay 9 / 1 2
F rid a y 5 / 1 0
Thirteen:13 + Fantastic Superfoofs + Jylt 7.30pm-2am, £4 adv, Band who used to be Catch (remember? Jesus...) return to Cardiff. We saw them earlier in the year and they huffed dong, mind.
Basement Jaxx @ Great Hall 7.30pm, £15 adv. What a way to commemorate the day of the Lord. The Jaxx are ace, spesh if they pull out all the stops live.
Precinct @ Clwb Ifor Bach 10pm, £8 before 11pm. Information 07950 345791. Top floor: Brazilian jungle DJ Marky, plus Bryan Gee and Ruffstuff. Bottom floor: A Track, Nuff Flava and Money Shot. Precinct (Hustler’s new Friday night venture) looks bomb. More on future lineups in, er, future issues. Pure Brown Sugar @ Elite Room, Zeus 10pm-2am, free before 10pm then £3/£2.50 NUS, Enter the Dragon @ Vision 2K 9pm-6am, £10/£8. I’d rather not, thanks.
Clint Boon (DJ set) + guests @ Barfly 7.30pm-2am, £5 adv. We really don’t know what to think about this, but there’s an indie disco after the former Inspiral Carpet has done his thing. Er, yay. Punkorama tour: Bouncing Souls + Guttermouth + Mouthwash @ Newport TJ’s 7pm, £7.50adv. £8.50 door. Skatecore youth manna from heaven. Listings says: Bouncing Souls – not bad oi-punkers. Guttermouth – boring and unfunny ‘shocking’ types. Mouthwash – been around for
In the Fresher’s issue we informed you that Catatonia had “put down the drugs long enough to ... tour”. We have since found out that this was not the case. Apologies to all concerned. Apart from Catatonia. We also provided a listing for Big In Japan at The Model Inn. It has since emerged that the staff at The Model Inn are a bunch of uptight moody fucks who object to people having any sort of fun. Apologies to all concerned. Apart from the staff at The Model Inn. We love them really – very careful ed.
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G et There C in e m a S ho w tim es C hap ter A r t s C en t re ( C a n t o n ) u n t il 7 / 1 0 Tel : 0 2 9 2 0 3 0 4 4 0 0 The Iron Ladies Mon/Tue 20.00; Weds 14.30 + 20.00; Thurs 18.15 + 20.15 Moulin Rouge Fri 18.15 + 20.30; Sun 20.00 Children’s Midsummer Sat 15.00 King Lear Sun 17.00 What’s Cooking? Mon-Wed 19.30; Thurs 14.30 + 20.00 Angels Of The Universe Thurs 18.00 Startup.com Fri-Sun 19.30
U C I C a r d if f B a y U n t il 0 4 / 1 0 Tel : 0 8 7 0 0 1 0 2 0 3 0 Moulin Rouge 12.00pm, 14.50, 18.00, 20.50, 23.45 (Fri/Sat only) A.I. 11.25, 13.30, 14.25, 16.45, 17.45, 20.00, 21.00, 23.25 Scary Movie 2 18.15, 20.30 (not Thurs), 23.00 A Knight’s Tale 13.25, 16.15, 19.05 Planet Of The Apes 16.00, 21.45 Enigma 13.00, 15.45, 18.30, 21.20 The Fast And The Furious 13.45, 16.30, 19.00, 21.30, 00.10
Cats And Dogs 11.20, 13.15, 15.15 Dr. Doolittle 2 (Sat/Sun only) 11.45, 14.00, 16.15 American Desi 12.15*, 15.05, 18.00, 20.45 Sat/Sun The Contender 3.35pm, 6.30 Spy Kids 11.00 Sat/Sun
U G C C i n e m a , C a r d if f U n t il 0 4 / 1 0 Tel : 0 8 7 0 9 0 7 0 7 3 9 A.I. 10.40 12.10 1.40 3.10 4.50 6.20 8.00 9.30 11.20 Fri/Sat Amelie Thu 10.00 12.30 3.00 5.30 6.00 8.40 Battle Royale 11.30 (Sun-Thu) 1.40 4.00 6.10 8.20 10.30 The Brothers 10.40 12.50 3.10 5.30 7.40 10.00 12.20 (Fri/Sat) Cats & Dogs Sat/Sun 10.00 12.40 2.40 Crazy/Beautiful 10.00 (not Sun) 12.10 (not Sun) 2.20 (not Sun) 4.30 6.40 Delicatessen 10.40 (Mon-Wed) 12.50 (Mon-Wed) 3.00 (MonWed) 5.10 (Fri-Wed) 7.20 (Fri-Wed) 9.30 Dr Dolittle 2 Sat/Sun 11.40 1.00 Enigma 10.10 12.50 3.20 5.50 8.30 11.30 (Fri/Sat) The Fast And The Furious 11.40 2.00 4.40 7.00 9.30 11.50 (Fri/Sat) Jurassic Park III Sat/Sun mat 11.00 1.00 A Knight’s Tale 10.30 1.10 4.00 6.50 9.40 (not Thu) The Magic Sword: Quest For Camelot Sat mat 10.30 The Martins
10.20 (not Sat/Sun/Thu) 12.20 (not Sat/Sun/Thu) 2.20 (not Sat/Sun/Thu) 4.20 6.20 (not Tue/Wed) 8.20 (not Tue/Wed) 10.20 Mike Bassett: England Manager 11.30 1.40 3.50 6.00 8.10 10.20 Moulin Rouge 10.00 12.30 3.20 6.10 9.00 11.50 (Fri/Sat) Planet Of The Apes 8.50 11.30 (Fri/Sat) Rush Hour 2 10.10 (Mon-Thu) 12.10 (Mon-Thu) 2.10 (Fri/MonThu) 4.40 6.40 8.40 11.00 (Fri/Sat) Saving Private Ryan Thu mat 11.00 Scary Movie 2 10.10 (Mon-Thu) 12.00 (Mon-Thu) 2.00 (Mon-Thu) 4.00 6.00 8.00 10.00 12.00 (Fri/Sat) The Score 10.30 1.10 3.50 6.30 9.10 11.50 (Fri/Sat) Shrek Sat/Sun mat 11.00 1.00
T h i s w e e k o n ly
At UGC u n t il W ed D E LI C A T E S S E N Starring: Dominique Pinon, Marie-Laure Dougnac, Jean-Claude Dreyfus Cert: 15 Being shown at UGC to celebrate the release of Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s Amélie, Delicatessen is a pitch-black comedy set in a post-apocalyptic future. Cannibalism, symbolism and comedy all in one. A classic.
S t ill s h o w i n g i n C a r d if f
A K NIG H T’ S T A L E Starring: Heath Ledger, Rufus Sewell, Shannyn Sossamon, Paul Bettany Cert: 15 Enjoyably silly and anachronistic romp in which Heath Ledger’s rugged peasant, William, disguises himself as a nobleman in order to joust for the love of a fancy noblewoman. Paul Bettany is brilliant as an impoverished Geoffrey Chaucer.
T H E IR O N L A D IE S Starring: Jesdaporn Pholdee, Sahaphap Tor, Ekachai Buranapanit Cert: 15 Hardly the most conventional sport film in the world, The Iron Ladies features a team of Thai ladyboys who like nothing more than a good game of volleyball. Eccentric, feelgood fun – kind of like Cool Runnings but with more make-up.
Got a c old or the flu? Blocked nose, sore throat, headache, aches and pains.....
Have you got time to help us with our research at the Common Cold Centre? If yes, please telephone 0 5 0 0 6 5 5 3 9 8 (Freephone) or come to the Common Cold Centre. You will be compensated for your time and travel by a cheque payment at the end of the study
Common Cold Centre
Cardiff School of Biosciences, Off Park Place, near the Tower Block Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm 0 1.1 0.0 1
b o o k s r e vie w s
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N ie t z s c h e ’ s P e t BEYOND GOOD AND E V IL F r ie d r i c h N ie t z s c h e ( D over)
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HEN THINKING of Friedrich Nietzsche one is unfortunately saddled with the stereotype of an egotistical elitist fanning the fire of Nazism. Thankfully, the image of Nietzsche as a power-crazed syphilitic madman, preaching a gospel of egotistical (and ultimately fascistic) self-determinism is on the wane. Nevertheless, his writings still serve as a bone of contention, being evoked and quoted in all areas of popular culture, touching such diverse bases as Marilyn Manson and Changing Rooms (well, sort of). Thus the arrival of Beyond Good and Evil as a taster for Dover ’s Thrift Edition reprints gives us an opportunity to encounter Nietzsche’s work in an accessible format, if a volume of collected aphorisms and rantings can be consid-
getic literary style. Unfortunately, this doesn’t make it any easier to read. Despite not being as abstract or wordy as Kant or Hegel, Nietzsche’s style chal lenges the reader to work through a patchwork of metaphors, sideswipes at Germanic culture, endless quotations and unusually poetic language. The book itself is ideal as a general introduction to Nietzsche’s thinking, covering nearly all of his interests. The text flows from European identity to music and religious psychology in a matter of pages the chapter titles give us some idea of the magnitude of scope: ‘On the Prejudices of Philosophers’, ‘On the natural history of morals’, ‘Peoples and Fatherlands’, to name but a few. The most immediately problematic aspect of Beyond Good and Evil is Nietzsche’s terminology, which has all the chauvanism that we might expect of a nineteenth-century academic; the very first sentence reads ‘Supposing truth to be a woman...’, and virtually every race in the world is severely criticised. Indeed,
F o r a n in t r o d u c t io n t o a w o rld o f n o n - b o r i n g p h il o s o p h y y o u c o uld d o m u c h w o r s e t h a n s t a r t wit h B eyo n d G o o d an d E v il . T h e b o o k i t s elf i s i d e al a s a g e n e r al i n t r o d u c t i o n . ered ‘accessible’. The problem of reviewing a major work of philosophy is that many people have done it a) before, b) more thoroughly, and c) without an immediate deadline. Despite selling only 114 copies in its year of publishing, Beyond Good and Evil is now regarded as one Nietzsche’s most crucial works and an important part of the canon of existentialist writing. It does not read like a typical work of philosophy, or any form of textbook, being divided into short, digestible sections, all written in an ener-
Nietzsche sees fit to attack virtually anything or anyone, especially Christians and Christianity, which he considers to be a terribly repressive force. The religious instinct is taken apart with surgical precision and acidic bile, being held up as the culprit for all of mankind’s problems. Nietzsche’s scope is broad, but so is his aim - the ugly strains of misogyny and his habit of judging nations by stereotypical ‘characters’ do him no favours. The allu sions and quotations that pepper the flow can often serve to confuse as much as
T his w eek’ s b e s t s elli n g b o o k s . . . 1 : C o lle c t e d W o r k s G . M . H o p ki n s 2 : A P al t r y E x c u s e f o r a B ook J. Hawes 3 : P le a s e kill m e D . Nim m o 4 : D r u g s : T h e R o u g h G uid e L. D opa 5 : T i d e T a b le s J. H obhouse
enlighten. However Nietzsche does display a sense of humour and a steady wit, the latter becoming most evident in ‘Maxims and Interludes’, such as “Instinct - when the house burns down one forgets even one’s dinner. - yes: but one retrieves from the ashes”. Ultimately, one cannot quite read Beyond Good and Evil in total seriousness after the deconstructions of its ideas by its cultural inheritors (the aphorisms, in particular, seem to have been written especially for The League Against Tedium to declaim from atop a van). Nietzsche never spared either praise or criticism, and the most impressive thing about Beyond Good and Evil is its force of ambi tion. The attempt to condense the various themes of his writing into one book, a ‘prelude to a philosophy of the future’, seems horribly predictable, prophesying the mental collapse which would assail Nietzsche not three years after Beyond Good and Evil was published. For an introduction to a world of non-boring philosophy you could do much worse than start with Beyond Good and Evil. DC.Gates
6 : T r a c t a t u s L o g i c o - p h il o s o p hic u s L . W i t t g e n s t ei n 7 : I Love Cit y B . Is la n d 8 : F u n w i t h F el t E . M ead 9 : A a s p i c ! ! M y L if e a n d Ti m e s R . D ix o n 1 0 : W h a t is t o be D o ne ? V.I. L e nin
...According to David Gates
C ul t C la s s ic : C R O W Te d H u g h e s , 1 9 7 2
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ESPITE THE acclaim that was initially heaped upon it, the poetry of Ted Hughes has largely been overshadowed by that of his ex-wife, Sylvia Plath. Nevertheless, his writing is compelling stuff, especially in Crow. Continuing with his themes of nature, the occult and mythology, he constructs a whole canon of poems describing The life and song of the Crow , the demonic anti-hero of these violent snapshots. Hughes begins with Two Legends, portraying the origin of the crow as a metaphor birth and creation, using negative and confusing language right form the start. These free verses, often structured and written with the simplic ity of a child’s story, abound with pitch-black humour and visceral energy, the form of Crow never far from the foreground. In poems such as Crowego and The Battle of Osfrontalis, the ridiculous and surreal imagery is laid on thickly to a cartoonish effect: “Words came with Aladdin’s lamp - /He sold it and bought a pie. /Words came in the likeness of vaginas in a row - /He called in his friends”. The relentless pace of the vio lent words and situations conspires to unnerve the reader - indeed, one’s reac tions to a poem change form disgust to laughter and back again every new reading. Despite its short length, Crow is a worthwhile but challenging addition to any bookshelf.
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W E L C O M E B A C K t o t h e A r t s s e c t i o n o f G ai r R h y d d ! T h e r e ’ s m u c h t o g e t y o u r c u l t u r al t e e t h s t u c k i n t o , s o if o n e n i g h t t h e T a f d o e s n ’ t a p p e al , t a k e t h e p l u n g e a n d m a k e s u r e y o u d o n ’ t m i s s s o m e o f t h e c u t t i n g e d g e c o m e d y, d r a m a a n d m u s i c t h a t ’ s o n o f f e r . I t ’ s all j u s t a r o u n d t h e co r ner ......
R iv e r D ee p The Sherman Theatre (next to the Union) promises some quality drama this autumn as per usual. A Dark River by The Big Picture Company tells the tale of two young lawyers and their rocky relationship. A sort of This Life meets East is East this production fuses Asian dance, with flamenco and film. Baz Luhrmann eat your heart out…… 3 October at 8 pm £8 reductions £6
L o ve ‘n S t uff Continuing the theme of troubled couples, Frank Vickery’s Erogenous Zones (ooh er missus) takes an
irreverent look at fidelity, or rather the lack of, in a variety of bizarre situations. Until 6 October A bit pricey at £10 reductions £7.50 (but he’s a good writer) There are farcical pranks and frolicking lovers a-plenty to kickstarts the Welsh National Opera’s Autumn with Rossini’s The Barber of Seville at the New Theatre, (029 2087 8889) on Monday 1 October and Friday 5 October at 7.15pm.
The S tar s are Out The New Theatre’s offering this week is Noel Coward’s Star Quality.
C allin g all w r it e r s IF YOU are partial to the blagging of tickets to quality theatre, art, music and comdey events and fancy trying your hand at reviewing them, then join our Arts team! You’ll get useful training and feedback which will develop your writing skills no end and because there’s so much good stuff going on in Cardiff and as part of the university there’s no shortage of choice. Come and find us in the gair rhydd office for more info.
The ‘King of Camp’s’ final play utilises the skills of the indomitable Penelope Keith so prepare for some finely intoned vowels and backstage bitchiness infused with the sort of languid wit that Coward does so well. 8-13 October
B u t e-eeee-f ul Don’t forget to pay a visit to Butetown’s History and Arts Centre where the illuminating Down the Bay photo exhibition continues. Until the 28 th October you can gain a fantastic insight into a bygone era of when Cardiff Bay was a heady mix of cultures and a place of economic diversity.
S n a p it u p
Jones on t he C ase
M A R Y LL O Y D J O N E S : get s back t o her r oo t s
P e n el o p e K ei t h : Mary Lloyd Jones: a big name l o o ki n g all s t a r r y - e y e d on the Wales art scene. Mary from Los Angeles on Wednesday 3 trained in Cardiff and has developed October at 7.30pm. Fork out £4 and a bold style inspired by the vibrancy its all yours… of the Welsh landscape. Something of a jet-setter, she’s exhibited all A D ate fo r Y ou r over the world but is now home to D ia r y roost – check out her new paintings Mark Thomas embarks on a UK tour at the Martin Tinney Gallery, 6 Windsor Place, CF1, until 6 October. and will be bringing his show to The Sherman on Thursday 29 November. Book early for some top F unky s t uff notch piss-taking of government At the Welsh College there is a one night only jazz performance from the types and people who think they are important. Benn Clatworthy Quartet who hail
THE CHAPTER Arts Centre has an enviable reputation for innovation and developing new talent. This autumn sees the beginning of several photography courses for those interested in learning new techniques or maybe just how to use their swanky new cameras bought for them for Christmas. Contact our friends at Ffotogallery at Chapter, Market Road, CF1 on 029 2034 1667 for more details.
A c t o n e r e v e als all C alli n g all t h e s p i a n s ! A c t O n e i s n o t j u s t C a r d if f S t u d e n t U n i o n ’ s o n ly d r a m a s o cie t y, b u t w a s al s o v o t e d s o cie t y o f t h e y e a r 2 0 0 0 / 2 0 0 1 (j u s t t h o u g h t I’ d p o p t h a t i n t h e r e ! ) . W e , t h e l o v ely co m mit t ee, h ave s pen t t he la s t f e w m o n t h s o r g a ni s in g p l a y s , w o r k s h o p s , s o ci al s a n d t h o u g h t n o w w o uld b e a g o o d t i m e t o fill y o u i n . W e h a v e fi v e p r o d u c t i o n s o n o f f e r t h i s y e a r w hic h i s e n o u g h t o t e m p t a n y t h e s p i a n p al a t e ! C o m e al o n g t o a n y a n d a s m a n y o f t h e a u di t io n s a s y o u li k e :
Christmas Pantomime 2001 Robin Hood – Prince of Sleaze! From the team that brought you Aladdin in 2000. Actors and dancers are needed for this all-singing, all-dancing comedy extravaganza! Don’t worry about experience just come along to the auditions, have a go, and get involved in Cardiff University’s biggest production of the year. Auditions – Monday 1 & Thursday 4 October.
Theatre Anarchy This is an entirely new type of project for Act One. The show will take as its basis the US tradition of live improvisational comedy (in the Whose Line Is It Anyway? mould). If you’re interested in pushing back the boundaries of theatre, and creating something a little bit experimental, then this is the show for you! Auditions – Monday 1 & Tuesday 2 October.
The Wind In The Willows
‘Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing, absolutely nothing half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats!’ Kenneth Grahame’s classic riverbank story about the adventures of Ratty, Mole, Badger and the magnificent Mr Toad is brought to life on the stage in Alan Bennett’s
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wonderful adaptation. Auditions – Wednesday 3 & Thursday 4 October.
An Appointment With Death A nail biting, spine tingling murder mystery. A body is found. The list of suspects is vast. But who dunnit? And how? Agatha Christie’s sensationally gripping play reveals all. A dramatic production with lighter moments, ‘An Appointment With Death’ promises to entertain from start to finish. Auditions – Wednesday 3 & Friday 5 October.
Popcorn Ben Elton wrote this thoughtprovoking black comedy in 1996. It will be performed in the Sherman Theatre by a cast of four males and five females, and requires a crew of at least 8 people and a publicity team. Auditions: Tuesday 2 & Friday 5 October. All auditions will start at 6.30 in the Trevithick Building. For those of you that don’t know how to get there, please meet at 6.10 in the TV lounge on the third floor of the union and a nice Act One person will show you the way.
not your thing, or you’re just a true back-stager at heart, Act One needs you too! All productions require a huge behind the scenes effort and ours are no different. We need lighting technicians, stage managers, make-up artists, the whole shebang. Previous experience is not required, but enthusiasm is a must! If this is for you then come along to our productions eeting on Thursday 11 October at 6:00pm in the SDU, 3 rd floor of the Union. But it doesn’t end there! For those of you interested in film Act One Films provides an excellent opportunity for the creative Cardiff Student. If this is for you, come to our meeting on the Tuesday 9 th October at 6.00pm in the TV lounge. For more details on any of the above events please see the Act One website @ www.actonecardiff.co.uk or email us at actone@cf.ac.uk Emily Assael
But if limelight and fame are
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C as h fo r s c r ip t s The Arts Council of W ales has a new initiative set to directly benefit individuals working wanting to get into or working within the W elsh film industr y.JONATHAN STEVEN finds out how you could get your hands on five grand...
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S WALES’ film industry builds on the success of features such as The Testimony of Taliesin Jones, One of the Hollywood Ten, Very Annie Mary and Happy Now, the Arts Council of Wales is playing an active role in ensuring that screenwriters of the highest quality are being supported in Wales. ACW will be awarding Individual Screenwriter Awards of up to £5,000 in February 2002 to enable new writers to create a first draft film script and for proven writers to break new ground. ‘This fills a huge gap for writers,’says director of One of the Hollywood Ten, Karl Francis, ‘It will provide the essential peace of mind for writers at the very beginning of their projects, and enable them to exercise creative skills rather than having to face the usual financial and management hurdles’. Normally out spoken and antiestablishment (film-wise at least) Francis is just one of the leading players in the Welsh film industry that is behind this project. One of the Hollywood Ten, his latest offering was a KARL FRANCIS: Backing the Scheme at highlight of last years Welsh Film Festival. last year’s Welsh Film Festival Peter Edwards, the head of drama development at HTV Wales is also backing established writers new opportunities, say ACW. the project. ‘Without great scripts, we have To date ACW has awarded over £7m to a total nothing. This scheme offers the possibility of of 87 film-related projects across Wales including creating time for writers to concentrate all their contributions to production costs and script efforts on the script -– the most important element development work. They aim to award a total of in the whole process’. £25,000 to this initiative. If your tempted by the The pilot scheme aims to help diversify the cash and think you have a talent for script writing range of cinematic material provided, bring about then contact Sian Thomas at ACW on 029 2037 audience exposure to new talent, and award 6500 or sian.thomas2@ccc-acw.org.uk.
Formidable! A M E LI E S t a r r i n g : A u d r e y T a u t o u , M a t h ie u K a s s o v i t z , S e r g e M e r li n , R u f u s , D o m iniq u e P in o n D i r : J e a n - P ie r r e J e u n e t 1 5 , 1 2 0 m in s
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AY WHAT you like about the French – condemn their driving, praise their wine, worry about their fixation with Johnny Halliday – but you can’t deny that they make some of the best films in the world.There’s something inherently stylish and inventive about Continental film-making that shows up most British movies as thoroughly lumpen and depressing. It might be significant that we use the phrase ‘joie de vivre’ without bothering to translate it – the whole concept of ‘joy of life’ seems a bit lost on a dull, wet Monday morning in Cardiff. But Amélie is the cure for all the problems associated with living this side of the English Channel. The eponymous heroine shares an isolated childhood with her repressed father and an overactive imagination. Moving to Montmartre as a young woman she takes a job as a waitress and lives quite happily taking pleasure from the simple things in life such as cracking the top of a crème brulee and skimming stones across the canal. The death of Princess Diana and an unexpected discovery in her bathroom prompt Amelie to embark on a mission to change the lives of those around her. She constructs elaborate schemes to help her landlady, her colleagues and the other residents in her apartment block find love and happiness. She even develops a vigilante streak as she plays tricks on the local
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gairrhydd in association with
COMING BACK to Uni this term, all film fans have a new treat in store for them. French firm UGC has a brand new, very swish 15 screen cinema complex, in the heart of the city, near the CIA. At £2.95 for a student ticket for any film, at any time, the news just gets better and better. But we don’t just want to tell you about this new cinema, we want to give away free tickets for you to check it out for yourselves. We have five pairs of tickets to any film, at any time to give away to readers who can think of a caption for this picture, CAPTION: ............................................ a mis-judged 1940’s movie press release photo. Just send an e-mail to grfilmdesk@hotmail.com with “Caption Contest 01/10” in the subject line and your name, department and caption in the main body. And hey presto, five lucky readers and their partners (or somebody else’s - it’s a lot more fun if you don’t get caught), are going to the pictures for free. We at Film Desk really care for our readers.
X - t r e a m s la p s t ic k GE N-X C O P S S t a r r in g : N ic h ola s T s e , S tephen F ung, S a m L e e , E r i c T s a n g , J a c kie C han (ca m eo) D ir : B en ny C han 1 0 8 m in s , 1 8 O n V id e o : N o w
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ACKIE CHAN is a man of many talents. He can act (sort of), kick people, put up with Chris Tucker and he’s even good at fishing. An idol, no less. The fish part of the equation is all too briefly displayed in this dubbed offering from the far-flung shores of Hong Kong. Jackie Chan does make a brief cameo appearance as a fisherman at the end of the film, but to be fair to the master his main part in Gen-X Cops was as executive producer. The surprisingly convoluted plot takes in gang warfare, police raids on terrorists, espionage, parachute jumping, motorcycle chases and a love story. All everyday events for the three young rebel cops, Jack, Match and Alien, around whom the film is centred. Sam Lee who plays the ridiculously named Alien is often hilarious, but this may not always be intentional.
greengrocer who picks on his assistant. Much like Jane Austen’s Emma, however, Amélie excels at sorting out other people’s affairs but stumbles when it comes to her own. She meets a kindred spirit, Nino, in the station as he collects discarded passport photos for his collection. Recognising him as one of life’s dreamers Amélie is determined to find him and begins an ingenious but tentative city-wide hunt. Audrey Tautou plays Amélie as naïve but knowing – a wide-eyed ingenue with cunning but no artifice. Similarly, Mathieu Kassovitz’s Nino is innocent but no fool. And while this couple become the focus for the film it’s impossible not to become hopelessly engrossed in the various subplots as Amélie puts the world to rights. The only victim in this film is the bullying greengrocer but he suffers nothing more than some disconcerting domestic accidents. Advance publicity for Amélie – which has caused a sensation in France – has been billing it as the ultimate feelgood movie but, while this is true, it implies that it descends into mawkish sentimentalising. Which it doesn’t.
Following the death of a gang leader, a weapons deal goes badly wrong when warring groups all try to get their hands on them. The three young cops are then recruited from college, where they are the dropout rebels needed to break the staid police mould. Their mentor, Inspector Chan, played by Eric Tsang, bears similarities to the lead character in Channel 5 series Martial Law. He’s fat, funny, and for some reason has a nervous twitch and keeps talking about his mental problems. The four then face battles from the other cops who laugh at Chan, and from the gangs themselves as they try to track down the warheads and stop the boss Akatora from blowing up a tower block to settle an old score. Despite the dubbing, which makes the film even funnier, there are some great characters and great one-liners. Smouldering bad guys, good special effects and laugh out loud moments combine reluctantly, but the end product is a funny film that thankfully doesn’t take itself too seriously. The martial arts combat is not seen much as guns seem to do the trick instead, but for those who liked Rush Hours 1 and 2 there’s more at the non-Hollywood to explore. James Morley
Jean-Pierre Jeunet (best known for his collaborations on the twisted but brilliant Delicatessen and The City of Lost Children with Marc Caro) slips in a bit of black humour for good measure (Amélie’s mother is killed when a suicidal Canadian tourist lands on her outside Notre Dame cathedral). And the whole film is so magical that it could never succumb to anything so humdrum as schmaltz. Special effects, ingenious sound editing and wonderfully lush cinematography make Amélie an absolute joy to watch. Whether it’s grainy footage of Amélie’s vision of Nino being abducted by the Mujahaddin or a vibrant cityscape, every scene is beautifully shot and wonderfully affecting – whether it’s making you laugh, nod sagely or just get that warm glow that ReadyBrek promises but never delivers. This is a fairytale for grown-ups who don’t want to be grown-ups but don’t like fairytales. Confused? You won’t be. Amélie might even make you want to hug someone or, at the very least, give them a good solid pat on the back and wish them all the best. Just brilliant. Charlotte Martyn
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R eady S t eady C h uck
SARAH HODSON talks to Gurinder Chadha about her latest film, W hat’s Cooking? and what inspired her to take a British look at American cultur e
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URINDER CHADA looks nothing like what you’d expect a movie director to be like. She wears glasses, is very unassuming and has an English public school accent, which is about as far from Spielberg as I can imagine. She’s also Indian; not an extraordinary characteristic in itself, but in the white, male dominated world of movies a female Indian director sticks out like a sore thumb. Indeed. it is a credit to Gurinder that she not only flaunts the stereotype by making films about Indian and English Britons, but is also a thoroughly nice lady as well. What’s Cooking relies heavily upon the eating and preparation of food, which Gurinder, who not only directed the film but wrote it as well, concocted especially for the dual meaning that food and eating provides. ‘The film is focused on Thanksgiving, which is one of the few times of the year on which Americans focus on being American. But the food is also a metaphor for contemporary America, because the different cultures having their own food along with the turkey shows their differences and their similarities.’ This gastronomic melting pot is well
documented in the film, and is a way of making a comment about the cultural make-up of the country without drawing attention to obvious references and cliches. Indeed, coming from a Britain which is comfortable with its cultural mix has given Gurinder a unique position from which to comment on the American treatment of cultural difference. ‘America has different ideas of cultural diversity than over here,’ Gurinder explains. ‘In Britain people just get on with things and mix culturally, while American cities are segregated. They are parodoxically more diverse yet more segregated at the same time.’ Indeed, the British way of just accepting things as they are and getting on with life are clearly seen in the film, as it is set in LAyet has no place for Hollywood-isms or stars. ‘My film shows a different side to LAthan we normally see on screen – its a film about ordinary people just getting on with ordinary life. I was moved to tell the stories of the people we don’t usually see on the cinema screen.’ It is clear that Chada is breaking new ground by showing a different side to Los Angeles when we learn that What’s Cooking was chosen by Robert Redford to open the Sundance Independent Film Festival last year. The honour
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has helped Chada to open up her film to an audience that it might never have had, and indeed it has even shocked Americans that an outsider can present such a truthful picture of themselves. Chada’s next film is about the footballing opus David Beckham, which is shaping up to be
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a great British film about women trying to break into the male dominated world of football. It is a subject that has been dealt with many times before, but let’s hope that she treats her home audience with as much sensitivity and wit as she has treated her American characters. It will be worth the wait.
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W H A T’ S C O O KI N G ? S t a r r i n g : J o a n C h e n , J u li a n n a M a r g u lie s & M e r c e d e s R u e hl D ir : G u rin d e r C h a d h a 1 2 , 1 0 9 m in s In C in e m a s : N o w T a g li n e : T h a n k s g i v i n g . A c ele b r a t i o n o f f o o d , t r a d i t i o n a n d r el a t i v e i n s a n i t y . EVERY COUNTRY has its stereotypes, and although the world has seen a different side to America in the past few weeks, the global view of Americans as brash and insular will be difficult to displace. It is often said, however, that the true side of a country can only be seen by its own kind, and it is this sort of sentiment that means What’s Cooking is an even greater achievement. Because the director manages to present a racially mixed America in a
The answer is a resounding ‘yes.’The film charts the progress of the families trying to be more American by preparing Thanksgiving dinner, but significantly with each bringing their own cultural touches to the meal, such as the Chinese family eating dumplings along with their turkey. This visual illustration of the proverbial melting pot is even more poignant, when we see the influence that the American culture has on the immigrant cultures. The Chinese family find a gun on I t i s o f t e n s ai d t h a t t h e t r u e the dinner table after the son admits to being part of a s i d e o f a c o u n t r y c a n o n ly b e Triad-style gang, and the s e e n b y i t s o w n ki n d up-market African Americans get a lesson in sympathetic and enlightening light, and the film racial tension after their man decides to study is all the more rewarding for it. Black American politics rather than law that his The film does, however, bear all the father wishes. We’re seeing a condensed hallmarks of a high-budget British film which is version of American politics happening right something that the director, Gurider Chada, is before our eyes, which brings it all down to used to after directing well known British films earth and makes the action seem like it could such as Bhaji On The Beach and the be happening in our own front rooms. forthcoming Bend It Like Beckham. The film The acting is mainly superb, with the centres on five families of different racial makeyounger actors putting in mature performances, ups living in LA, who are followed making and the characters are so ordinary and likeable preparations for Thanksgiving. Although that you fear for the impending disasters at the Thanksgiving means little to most Brits, the dinner table. The film was a little long, but the skipping between families and learning heart-stopping climax at the end of the film snippets about their lives is reminiscent of a meant the bits that drag are worthwhile. If you British soap opera and indeed the preparation want to see a true picture of American life away for huge family event which is destined to be from the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, disrupted by disaster is very much like a What’s Cooking is a refreshing glance at an Christmas episode of Eastenders. But will a often misinterpreted culture, not least from their large screen version of Albert Square work on own film makers. Only a Brit could do that. the big screen? Sarah Hodson
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18 50HZ A r m c h ai r A r m y (Shifty Disco)
H A R V E Y : a p p a r e n t ly b a n g i n g V i n c e n t G all o . T h e m i n d b o g g le s
PJ HARVEY T h i s I s L o v e / Y o u S ai d S o m e t h i n g (Island) RIDING HIGH on the success of Mercury Music Prize-winning album Stories From The City / Stories From The Sea, Polly Jane brings us a double a-side consisting, in true style, of two completely contrasting, and equally brilliant, songs. The raw energy of This Is Love is powerfully expressed through dirty rhythmic guitars and shrieking vocals, while You Said Something, one of the album’s more mellow tracks, is a reflectively lamenting song teetering on the edge of the new country genre. Though neither is an obvious single, this release only succeeds in testifying to the brilliance of an award-winning album. Maria Lane
m u s i c alb u m s HEATHER NOVA S outh
(V2)
IT’S A difficult one, that fourth album. You’ve caught the world’s attention with your first offering, reeled them in with your second, shocked them with your third. For US songstress Heather Nova, the choice was clear. With South, her LP number 4, the lady in question has decided to go arse over tit, put all her eggs in one basket, as it were. You see, the true genius here is that in order to give something back, to the true fans, our Heather has put all her good songs (that’s three, in total) at the end of the cd. A kind of pot-of-gold-at-the-endof-the-rainbow philosophy is employed as Ms Nova makes us work our way through a number of mediocre Sheryl Crow-influenced country ballads, as well as a bizarre rip-off of Embrace’s Hooligan in a Dawson’s Creek soundtrack stylee in Virus of the Mind and a couple of odes to the not-so-retro-cool music of the eighties in Like Lovers Do and the PM Dawn influenced (it’s true) Help Me Be Good To You. Make it to the final furlong of the album, however, and you will be rewarded with the sultry magnifisence of Gloomy Sunday, an Orchestral masterpiece with the sweeping soundscapes of Goldfrapp, the poignant string section of Bjork’s Joga and the haunting vocals of Dubstar’s The Day I See You Again. The haunting Tested provides the obligatory poignantly acoustic round off track, not dissimilar to Alanis Morrisette’s hidden offering on debut Jagged Little Pill. But proving that she’s not one to be predictable, the 21 st
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century’s answer to Dolly Parton rounds off the round-off track with Just Been Born, an affecting take on Massive Attack’s Teardrop, with sweeping Cocteau Twins vocals and a guitar riff picked up from PJ Harvey’s cutting room floor. And there’s the genius. Pop into your local record store. Go up to the listening post and start this cd from the end, whether you make it to the beginning will be the true test. Maria Lane
HER SPACE H O LI D A Y M a nic E x p r e s siv e
cordant swing. Her Space Holiday, are altogether an interesting proposition. In parts they combine elements of what should be, but never is, in a ‘Chilled/Sunset/Flooding the Market/Ibiza’ album. But that’s not all, because in the likes of Hassle Free Harmony, echoes of Spaceman 3 and Spiritualized without the gospel choir, ring distantly in the ears. Whilst, on the other hand, a turn towards a Mercury Rev misdemeanour, Donahue with less snarl, is executed in Perfect on Paper. And as that track slips neatly into Manic Expressive [Exit] and the album gracefully ends, it is
THE OPENING of Joy Division’s Love Will Tear Us Apart… breaking into the Keith Richards’ pulsating guitars… wait for it…I Can’t Get No… No… Uh… Menswear? Is that you? Are you back to haunt us? There’s nothing more disappointing than a larger than life rock’n’roll opening disintegrating into retro-indiepant-cheese, as exemplified by the Shifty Disco Singles Club’s latest unsigned newµbys, 50HZ. Credit where credit’s due, though: the line, “Open the doors to the mental wards, the armchair army’s coming downtown / To look for a king in the psychiatric wing,” shows vague originality. Comedy value, then. Worth three pounds of your student loan? Probably not. Maria Lane
AKA D o n’t G o (Things To Come) AKA IS a little known guy from London with plans to take on the world. His name is Adam. clear that this is one trip away which you’d be mad not to take. Gemma Curtis
ARN OLD B ahama
(Poptones)
THE EX-CREATION boys have done themselves proud. Arnold have returned, bringing with them Bahama, a beautifully crafted collection of tunes. Yes tunes, you read right. Here, it could be said, are our saviours. Acoustic guitars and suitably flattering vocals, managing to avoid the indie limp wristedness that all to often seeps like sewerage into such musical pastures.
BEN AND JASON Te n S o n g s A b o u t Y o u
(Wichita)
(Universal)
OPENING WITH a suave instrumental of strings and brass, Manic Expressive{Enter}, draws you into an album of simple sophistication. Chilled niceties are supplied in Lydia, when main man Mark Bianchi and his girlfriend/collaborators’ vocals compliment delicately over a backdrop of keyboard, and samples of intergalactic tendencies. Homage is paid thus, to those forgotten groove-boys Space Raiders. But it is the splendid Ringing in My Ears, which continues to build on the delightful slow and hazy ethos. Full advantage taken of the drum machine, climaxing amidst a single thread attention of oboe and a hookdriven string accompaniment provides an emphatic edge. Distorted electro-vocals of Key Stoke, hark back to 80’s elec tronica, but floating on retro disorder manages to somehow avoid nastiness and embrace tastefulness. Further instrumental pleasures are explored in Polar Opposite, where a short vocal performance gives way to dis -
BUSKING HAS definitely got cool. Once upon a time you scorned at the doubled up image of two guys and their guitars scruffily clad on a street corner. Yet now every Elliot Smith and his best friend are joining in on the new acoustic movement that sees Ben and Jason hold off from writing any more songs for Martine McCutcheon (This Is My Moment) and pick up where they left off in the hazy hills of summer ’99 and sumptuous
He has dedicated this release to major record labels who he claims have ruined his chances to air his dirty laundry in the national media, and to the trendy nothings being paid to criticise his soul. That’s fighting talk where I come from, which is all very well when you can back up your argument. In Don’t Go, Adam offers us a radio-friendly plate of dull balladry, but hey, it works for BBMak. It’s a shame really as looping B-side Make It Horrible is pretty funky. Maria Lane
ELB O W N ewborn (V2) YET ANOTHER re-release from Bury’s most miserable. But you can’t fault them for trying to cash in on some of the publicity from the Mercury Music Prize and when the track is one of the best off the album Asleep In The Back you can’t really complain. “I’ll be the corpse in your bathtub,” sings Guy Garvey, obviously not currently a student: in which case the opening line would instead mention a huge pile of festering washing. Immediate and angelic, Climb is the kind of tune that should be a wondrous pop single. Opening an album with the line, ‘I have seen you/ climbing out your tree,’ indicates what’s to come. Off-centre, sqwiffy but mesmerising lyrics, manage hypnotically to compliment the music in style, but less easily in content. Take woo-hooing, up-tempo Beach Boys-esque backing vocals in crass conflict with lines like, ‘Still you held me close, and tried to help me survive/ but next time I’ll hang.’ Admittedly its title of Hangman’s Waltz may be a give-away, but this furthers adds to the interest.. With the uptempo countrified
Anyway, it shimmers and radiates with hope, despair, beauty and pain just like Radiohead used to make, especially on the full-length version where the keyboards and guitar rise to a magnificent finish. One to turn up loud and wake the flatmates with. Andy Parsons
FUNKRYDERS W o man O f A n g el s (M anifesto) HOW THE fuck was this allowed to happen? What sort of sick bastard takes The Doors’incredible Riders On The Storm and then produces a cheesy house track around it and THEN gives it to fuckwits like Phats And Small to remix. Lacking intelligence, credibility, taste and ideas this sort of record makes me realise why I despise commercial dance music so much. Jim Morrison is spinning so fast in his grave you could use him as an electromagnet to power Los Angeles. Expect to see me dancing to this, pissed up on booze, in Solus anytime soon. Andy Parsons patter of Easy, and the Primal Scream, Movin’On Up slant of Boo You, Bahama is one of the most sumptuous records heard for some time. A soaring sun-kissed mood throughout adds to the charm. And Pavey Ark, a 15 minute trip through an eclectic land of blues and quiet acoustic sombreness, does all the more to confirm the inventful diversity of their sound. With more about them than in Limp Bizkit’s baseball cap cleaner, its depressing that the masses will do nobody any favour. They’ll choose to buy the music of only one-and the truly rollin’ ones will lose . Gemma Curtis
debut mini-album Hello. questions such as ‘do you fear you’ll fall Their latest gathering of friends is Ten into a hole if you don’t pretend you’re Songs About You, a stunningly simple very tall’that Hello, and to an extent collection of pathetically poignant poems their full blown debut Emoticons didn’t about girls, girls and more girls. Opening answer. In turth you do get the track The Wild Things whislt possessing the I t ’ s a s if b u s ki n g crashing symphony of beco m es ba r o q ue, wit h U2’s Stuck In A Moment s ul t r y s t rin g s a n d a n and The Verve’s Bitter Sweet Symphony is a e v e n m o r e ele g a n t gorgeous cocaphony of e cle c t i ci s m . . . sultry strings and digigospel strained vocals that would leave Jason Pierce ‘Crying’ impression that Ben Parker and Jason and Albarn ‘Tender’. Stand-out Hazeley are taking things a lot more tracks like Fingertipping, Let’s seriousl. Yet it all still has that shambolic Murder Vivaldi and How The quality that is the ideology of an acoustic Hell Do I Explain? take us guitar and a bottle of whiskey. With a away from the album’s b-listed double-bass in the background keeping Radio 1 status and into the everything in modern in a Lamb kind of deeper reaches of emotion way but holding onto that beatitude that with Ben Parker’s strained last year’s ‘tramp of the decade’ shuffled vocals calling up some of up on stage to get a Mercury Music Damon Gough’s own precious Prize for. It’’s as if busking becomes shambolisms in The Shining baroque yet elegant, with sultry strings and Magic in the Air. and an even more elegant eclecticism The album’s mood is further that hasn’t been touched upon since Neil maintained by light acoustics Young or Simon and Garfunkel. tainted by the dark yet light We see the next of this play (think Zero 7 and Air) performed as two more guys with two swallowing quality of it’s use of more guitars return literally to the stage Moogs and Synths. There is ,alongside Turin Brakes , Arab Strap, the romantic idiocy of On Days and Kings of Convenience to “The Boys Like Yours in its meaning , Club” , where just like Sinatra and whilst returning back to ‘This is Williams, it’s not that ‘breaking up is hard our song’ in How The Hell Do I to do’, it ‘s just about making ‘music to Explain?. This album contains watch girls by’.
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C la u s e F o r C o n c e r n ? C O O PER TE M PLE CLAUSE / HALO C lw b If o r B a c h THEY’VE BEEN on tour with Muse. They look like King Adora on their day off. They’ve just released a new single, and, it
seems, they’ve developed quite a fan base in our fair city. For a Monday night in Clwb Ifor Bach the turnout to see Cooper Temple Clause is not unimpressive. Support act Halo set the crowd to simmer, banging out punchy goth-rock power chords with a light dusting of vocal harmo-
In The Sand is a standout track of the evening, with a satanic bassline which charges full-speed to an eerily dirty climax; while perhaps the most recognised, and admittedly catchy, track of the evening, recent single Let’s Kill Music, fails to mas sacre anyone, achieving at best a jovially
R e c e n t s i n g le L e t s K ill M u s i c , f ail s t o m a s s a c r e a n y o n e , a c h ie v i n g a t b e s t a j o v i ally g e n t le s l a p o n t h e b a c k o f t h e i n d u s t r y ’ s m e t a p h o r i c al le g s . ny. Having set the mosh-pit firmly in motion, the band leave the stage to rapturous applause but seem to dissipate from memory with the next trip to the bar. After a short break Cooper Temple Clause feel no need to introduce themselves and, much like their contempories Muse, let their music speak for itself. Matthew Bellamy’s guitar-rock ethic is abused to ear-bleeding consequences, and contrasted by the Clause’s lazy vocals, taking their cue from Gomez’s Tom. The Devil Walks
ROOTS M ANUVA C lw b If o r B a c h CARDIFF’S MUSICAL summer drought came to a warm and sweaty end last Friday as ‘The UK’s Greatest Rapper’ (known to his mum as Rodney Smith) brought his hip-hop party to town. With fellow MC’s Ricky Rankin and Riddla in tow and the super sharp cutting skills of DJ MK this was a stripped down version of the Roots’ live show that has recently included a string section and female backing singers. Opening with the squelchy funk of Bashment Boogie the rappers weave their intricate and deft lines inside and out of each other and the packed
gentle slap on the back of the industry’s metaphorical legs. Much like a box of Quality Street, if you dig around a bit you’ll find exactly what you’re looking for but it’s going to mean sifting through all the crap. Is it worth the effort? Only time will tell. Maria Lane. LEFT: Tom Bellamy at an odd angle. RIGHT: Bellamy glad that C.T.C will never play G.A.Y.
crowd is soon jumping and grooving all over the place. Classic early singles Juggle Tings Proper and Motion 5000 soon follow and it’s great to see people in the crowd who seem to know the lyrics even better than the rappers onstage, showing the city’s love of hip-hop and it’s collection of Ali G impersonators. The Clwb’s soundsystem has just been boosted, the bass capacity having been doubled and you could certainly feel the improvement with the huge basslines of recent single Witness (1 Hope) and Swords In The Dirt. In fact the bass is so powerful that the melodic subtleties of some of the songs are often lost, but on the bass heavy tracks both the soundsystem and the rappers
come into their own. The party ends after several impromptu encores, the group obviously impressed by the enthusiasm and energy of the heaving crowd. It may have been a slightly messy gig but that fitted the atmosphere perfectly and surely the best parties are the ones where people have a good time and think of the clearing up in the morning. Andy Parsons
THE S OFT P A R A DE B a r fly THE SOFT Parade, for legal reasons, have become The Electric Soft Parade. In more ways than one, the name change is rather apt. Because despite being mere slips of boys in comparison to the headliners, the support act outdo their elders in attitude and content. Each tour they become more buzzing and uber- confidant. The tunes are there and so is the rock and roll element; any cooing or appreciation shown by the crowd is dismissed with sneering ambition. Roaring through their set, with exhausting vigour they pull apart the songs that make their set typically eventful. Debut release, Silent to the Dark goes down with the old skoolers, as well as the tender element of Something’s Got to Give. But it’s the elongated thrashing out of Empty at the End that is the final release of angst. When vocalist Tom White strains; all I know is no one is my friend, alongside the rest of the band, they leave an impression quite the opposite. Making music like this in the fickle industry world, most people will try to be their mate. Cosmic Rough Riders seem reserved in comparison. Admittedly the response is good. The crowd appear to love their swaying sensibilities and the relaying of rather insubstantial singalong indie numbers. The problem is that whereas The Electric Soft Parade thinking they’re important is somewhat premature, it is nearly justifiable. And at least they don’t say it. The Riders though, take the opportunity to comH A R D M A N : ‘ R o d n e y, y o u r t ea’ s r ea d y .’
ment on the fall of New York’s towers. The gistmusic is still relevant and shouldn’t be forgotten. Well, yes. Quite, And although the sentiment is probably all good, enough is enough. Get the assembled mass waving their lighters to suitably cheery numbers Melanie and the superior new release The Pain Inside. These are good tunes after all. But that is where they should leave it. It’s a little too presumptuous that we’d care about their politics. And it must be said, the majority don’t. Gemma Curtis
B IL L Y M A H O N I E B a r fly THE MUSIC twists and turns before us. Intricately woven patterns of guitars and bass flow from the stage, underpinned precisely by the beat of the drum only to suddenly explode in a shower of riffage and noise. This’ll be Billy Mahonie then. Fresh from recording their second album for their new label Southern, the band are adequately living up to their title as best live band in Britain. Descriptively, tight doesn’t do their playing justice – the band function on stage as a complete unit making for a mesmerising performance. In contrast to openers Mountain Men Anonymous, (who have successfully discovered the joys of electronics for some of their new material), Billy Mahonie often live up to their labelling as ‘Math-rock’. Their use of strange time signatures and precise playing could have come straight out of any textbook and therefore also can be quite boring, all structure and no soul. It takes a good three songs for the band to discover their rock heart and bring out the big riffs on songs like Dussledorf and Are We Rolling? Musically fitting in somewhere between early Tortoise, Mogwai and Papa M, Billy Mahonie’s brand of instrumental rock may not be suited to everyone’s taste. But for those who are willing to experiment and embrace quality musicianship it will prove a worthwhile journey. Come on try young. Andy Parsons.
games
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L o aded t o t he M ax
M A X P AY N E R e m edy (P C) £ 2 9 . 9 9
cop gone lone wolf man mental trigger happy revenge. And what better vehicle for genocidal revenge than a stylistic tour-de-force of a 3rd person shooter featuring an excellently realised OS ANGELES may be the city of bullet-time combat option? angels, and Miami an excellent place to The world of Max Payne is dripping with a play 80’s vice cop, but New York, New mixture of grimy underworld dank and York – it’s a hell of a town. All crack dens, rat downtrodden gangster ‘n’moll attitude. races, compensation culture and downtrodden Depending on how well you allow yourself to be homicide units. Max Payne (the brooding, seduced by the verbose gumshoe aesthetic underdog avenger, as he likes to refer to (and it’s brilliant: quality wisecracks, overblown himself) is caught at the eye of this storm, as a accents, vernacular and theatrics, buddabing, massive and unseasonal blizzard besets NY fuged abad it…), it’s a cloying, suffocating City. They killed his wife and kid, man. atmosphere that resonates with the Whatever knife edge Max had been walking, claustrophobia and B ei n g a b le t o s e e y o u r c h a r a c t e r futility that such myopic d o le o u t s l o w - m o s i n g le g u n t h e o r y, crimewave-based b e r e t t a s r e c o ili n g t o a li n e - u p o f l a w dystopia’s of the nearfuture will always b r e a ki n g w i s e g u y s i s s t u n n i n g . feature. The blizzard upon New York City adds an extra layer of he’s now firmly over and wielding it to NYC’s gloom to Max Payne, as he bops, strongarms underbelly of drug lord schmucks. Max is out and reloads his way through a revenge agenda for revenge. Not the drawing-pin-on-the-toiletcull of the drug-peddling mob. The 3rd person seat kind of revenge, but action hero maniac
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perspective is a shrewd choice over the more Vaughn-alike, lacking the basketball biceps of common eyeball-cam of FPS, Max Payne is far bronzed, glistening action studs, and dispenses less cumbersome and more accessible for it, with the misogynistic macho bullshit – he’s a and being able to see your character dole out downtrodden underdog, putting to rights those slow-mo single gun theory, trenchcoat flapping who’ve made his life unliveable. The cut and berettas recoiling, to a line-up of law scenes, composed of brushstroked and breaking wiseguys is all the more stunning for narrated comic strips, are excellent, provided of it. The bullet-time facility (which has an eggcourse that you approach them in the same timer of limited use) is more than just a bit of manner as Max himself – with a constant, visual jazz. Although it does look grand, it’s the knowing smirk. Besides the ultra-satisfying only way to survive a point-blank shoot out with bullet time function, a gloss of superb graphics, multiple foes. A single barrel of sawn-off is, and a gritty, ™ self-effacing and exceptionally quite rightly, enough to see Max shuffle his stylish atmosphere, Max Payne does little to mortal coil, but with a swift shift into the syrupy, further the cause of the 3D shooter – evolution contracted state of bullet time, potentially fatal over revolution. But Max Payne is out for one hails of buckshot can be sidestepped with ease thing only – not BAFTA’s, not accolades, not as you plug the bad guys almost at your game of the year awards, not a lions share of leisure. It’s ballistic ballet and, like the the Dwindling PC Market ™ – just proliferation of movies that parody said grudgequelling revenge. That’s all you get, but technique, expect to see this feature becoming it’s enough. Max Payne is a bloody, pleasing a welcome part of action gaming, as obligatory sidestep for the modern day shoot ‘em up. as the sniper rifle. However, outside of the land Steve Bailey of bullet time, the gun battles can be Left: Maureen from Driving School gets her comeuppence. spurious and a total Below: Max really didn’t appreciate what was done to his Persian rug. hindrance to any flow of play – some enemies have uncanny accuracy from middle distance, whilst others can’t hit you with a gun that’s touching your face. It ups the random factor, and creates an intense urge for quicksave fever. As a character, Max is from the Duke Nukem school of gravel voiced anti-heroes, but takes the stereotype a step in the right direction – Max himself is a fairly weedy Vince
G iv e i t s o m e s t ic k K u r u K u r u K u r u rin N in t e n d o (G B A) £ 2 9.9 9
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HE LATEST in mindboggling Japanese craziness has arrived. The spiritual successor to Parappa the Rapper, Bust-a-move and Mr Driller is a colourful, bizarre, addictive and excruciating experience. You pilot Kuruin, a cutesie birdie-type creature, who flies on his ‘helicopter’ (or for those of us above the age of 8, a ‘rotating stick’) throughout winding, obstacle ridden mazes to search for other cutesie creatures. As the stick, sorry, "helicopter" is constantly rotating, it's up to your timing and skill to get it through narrow pathways and sharp corners without smashing into the walls. Springs help you change direction and you can speed up the stick to avoid missiles and rolling metal balls. It reminds me of an ultraobscure single-screen Commodore 64 game called Stars and Rings, in which you controlled a star by holding down fire to make it orbit in a circle. Rings appear on the screen, to catch them you had to release fire then quickly hold it again, getting the timing right to avoid touching the edges of the maze, and thus catching the rings
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in your orbit. A more mainstream comparison is the funfair game where you have to navigate a wire hoop around coiled wire to prevent the metal touching metal, making a buzzing noise, and you looking foolish. However it is described, Kuru is an original game, with few influences, albeit one that may frustrate and annoy more than entertain – it's so simple a concept yet it initially seems so difficult. Patience and practice reward you with the skills to easily bypass the levels and challenges, both of which are excellently crafted, seemingly difficult at first but an excellent demonstration mode shows you how it should be done, encouraging you to do the same and get further into the game. A grand sense of satisfaction is gained after completing a challenge. It works well on the Gameboy formatthe gameplay is segregated for easy pick up and play, and graphically it’s sensible over impressive. The ability to customise your stick (sorry, 'helicopter') is diverting and fairly
useless, though you can change the colour to one that makes the stick (oh, it bloody well is) stand out from those chosen for the levels walls and metal balls. Although you have to create a new file for every different skill level you try, there’s nothing much wrong with the construction of Kuru Kuru. The multiplayer mode is also fun, although you may mind yourself using smaller sized sticks to create a racing game rather that a slow puzzler which it is, unlike the speed-based legendary Bust-
a-Move. A lot of patience is required, in addition to a tolerance for cutesie creatures saying ‘I was scared by the machines’ at the completion of levels. It's the type of game that splits opinion. If you like puzzlers like Mr Driller et al it's essential, but if you prefer things faster, easier and er, berretta, you won't like this. But people like me do. Top. Chris Faires If you like this: Deflekor (C64), Pen Pen Triathlon (DC)
Games Top 5 This week, Games compile their top 5 game characters with macho names. What, no Dizzy?
1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Duke Nukem M ax Payne Alundra Blaze Afro Thunder (Ready 2 Rumble) Johnny Cage (Mortal Kombat)
L E F T : A H eli c o p t e r ? M y a r s e . I t l o o k s li k e a s t i c k a n d i t i s a g o d d a m n s t i c k . R I G H T : Ye s , t h i r t y q u i d i s a l o a d o f m o n e y f o r a s t i c k b a s e d p u z zle g a m e b u t h a v e f ai t h i n m e ki d s , i t s w o r t h i t .
MAX: Upset at only being only placed 2nd.
Important Message Want as many free games as you can handle? Want to write for games? Come to the meetings on Wednesdays at 2.15pm in the gair rhydd office and we’ll not only welcome you with open arms but maybe help you to get a job in the media. Want to write for X-Bot anyone?
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6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilr oy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Trading Up 11.30 Bar gain Hunt 12.00 Wipeout 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.55 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 The Cramp Twins 4.20 Eureka TV 4.35 The Queen's Nose 5.00 Blue Peter A look at how to make an assault course for action figures. Ace – star t saving your shoeboxes. 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Darcy and Tess are exposed. FNARR! Welcome back everyone. And what a way to start the new year.
6.00 Open Uni versity 7.00 Potsworth and Co 7.20 Arthur 7.50 DIY TV 8.10 Brum 8.20 Little Bear 8.45 64 Zoo Lane 9.00 Tweenies 9.40 Playdays 10.00 Teletubbies 10.50 Ethelber t the Tiger 11.00 Conference Live 1.00 Brum 1.10 Megamaths 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Conference Live 3.50 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 4.00 Awash with Colour 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link Anne Robinson sprouts horns, writhes around naked in a pentangle drawn from the blood of virgins and spits fire at the hapless contestants. Again. She’s a character, our Anne.
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.05 Shortland Street 1.35 The Biggest Game in Town 2.05 Crossroads 2.35 The Bill 3.05 ITV News Headlines 3.10 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Mopatop's Shop 3.30 The Adventures of Captain Pugwash 3.40 Cardcaptor s 4.05 The Quick Trick Sho w 4.25 My Parents Ar e Aliens 4.50 Chums 5.05 Crossroads 5.35 Nuts and Bolts Gritty drama series about modern life in the valleys of South Wales. Ystrad gangs up on Dominic. Ystrad?Is that a place or a person? Sorry, I’m thick.
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Suddenly Susan 12.30 Planed Plant: Pei Pwmpan 12.45 Planed Plant:Y Blobs 1.00 Supporting Acts 1.05 FILM:Abo ve Suspicion 2.45 A Place in the Sun 3.15 Watercolour Challenge 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Planed Plant:Uned 5 5.15 Planed Plant:Ffeil 5.30 Tell It to Me Straight Mel Giedroyc presents the hidden-camera series in which people reveal the shocking truth about their friends. Party girl Olive finds out her friends think she is loud and late. Is that late in the sense of dead? Hope not.
6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.25 Rolie Polie Olie 7.55 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.25 J ay Jay the Jet Plane 8.55 Beachcomber Bay 9.20 Ricki Lake 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Famil y Law 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 The Oprah Winfrey Show 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: A Step Towards Tomorr ow 5.15 Russell Grant's Postcards I bet none of Russell’s postcards are a patch on the ‘Cream Tea’ postcard I got in Cornwall. It had a recipe on the back and everything. Ace. 5.30 5 News
6.00 BBC News; Weather 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 A Question of Spor t The guests are rugby's Martin Johnson, West Ham's Joe Cole, snooker player Stephen Hendry and athlete Katharine Merry. Sports Desk – in a fight between these guests, who’d win? “Katharine Merry would just die of being the most boring person in the world. Hendry would hit people with his cue and Joe Cole would just do skills around the studio and dazzle Ally McCoist.” A nowin situation then? 7.30 Class Act 8.00 EastEnder s The women of Albert Square celebrate Lynne's hen night at the local cur ry house while Garry holds a stag party at the Queen Vic. Flacid strippers not shown. 8.30 Changing Rooms 9.00 Silent Witness 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Welcome to Britain: The Enforcer s 11.15 FILM:She Stood Alone:the Tailhook Scandal “Oh, Navy-based sexual inequality courtroom thingy – if it’s in a courtroom it’s not going to be good, is it? Really?” reasons OldSkool Film Desk 12.55 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 The Simpsons Bart and Lisa help a down-and-out who says he invented the concept of cartoon violence. Blimey, a BBC episode of The Simpsons that Ihaven’t seen yet. Nice. 6.20 Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons Captain Scarlet must outwit the Mysterons, whose threat to the Outer Space Defence System could trigger off fullscale interplanetary war. In a discussion the other day about the merits of buying videos of long-forgotten childrens’programmes I argued that the only programme that would still be good is this one. Because a) the Mysterons are still scary and b) Captain Black looks like Alan Hansen. 6.45 Farscape 7.30 To the Manor Bor n 8.00 University Challeng e Direct your eyes Previewwards for some more info. 8.30 What the Victorians Did for Us:Social Pr ogress 9.00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks With Captain Sensible of all people. 9.30 'orrible Not so much ‘orrible as lame. 10.00 Coupling 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Surrealism:a Pri vate View 11.50 Seinfeld 12.15 48 Preludes and Fugues 12.30 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain is rattled when a face from the past returns to haunt him. Not wishing to give anything away, would it be someone called Abel? 7.30 Coronation Street Pete's attempt to return Rob's money backfires. Sunita and Duggie enjoy their first date. ::snigger:: I bet they do, eh? Fnarr. 8.00 Trauma Team 8.30 House of Horror s This week, a pair of shoddy tarmaccers who turn a dri ve into a disaster zone, and a couple of plumbers who charge £650 to unblock a sink. Geezers, eh? What are they like? Cuh! 9.00 Bob and Rose 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 The Sketch Sho w Not too bad – for an ITVshow. 11.00 Big Bad World 11.30 HTV News and Weather 11.40 The Premiership 12.40 UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.10 Nationwide Football League Extra 1.45 Young, Gifted and Broke 2.10 Trisha 3.05 The Web Review 3.30 Box Office America 3.55 ITV Spor t Classics 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Ear ly Morning News
6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Ydy Coleg Yn Gret 8.30 Yn Ein Dwylo 9.00 Taro Na w 9.30 Sgorio 10.35 The Real Cherie Blair 11.35 Lost Another gameshow with people on an island doing...whatever. I don’t know, don’t care. 12.05 Hollyoaks: Movin' On 12.55 FILM:City Slicker s II:the Legend of Cur ly's Gold 2.55 Football Italia: La Partita 4.00 Schools
6.00 Home and Away Will finally asks Dani out. Hayley tries to keep Mitch and Brodie apart. Harry and Gypsy try to adapt to their new living arrangements. That’s all well and good, but who’s running the caravan park? 6.30 Famil y Affairs 7.00 Toyota World of Wildlife: Miniatur e I would imagine that a car-sponsored wildlife programme would concentrate mostly on roadkill. Let’s hope I’m proved wrong, eh? 7.30 5 News 8.00 Secrets of World War II:When Hitler In vaded America This is the first programme in tonight’s Nazi special. Not exactly feelgood, but important nonetheless. 8.30 The Most Evil Men in History:Adolf Hitler 9.00 FILM:Shining Through 11.30 Dr Fox's Char t Update 11.35 CSI:Crime Scene Investigation 12.30 American Football: NFL Update 1.05 Motorcycling:AMA Motocross Motorcycling Amma from Big Brother goes belting around on a trailbike. Ahaaa, not really. 4.00 Motorsport Max 4.30 European PGA Seniors Golf 5.30 One to Win
C H OIC E U n i v e r s i t y C h alle n g e BBC 2, 8.0 0pm Roll up, roll up! Cardiff face UCL in a heated battle to get through to the second round.I know who wins. And I’m not telling you – not for all the tea in China (I don’t like tea anyway so you’ll have to think of a G RiP
CH4.As S4C except:9.30 4Learning 12.00 Montel 12.35 Suddenly Susan 1.00 Creme de la Creme 1.20 FILM:Operation Amsterdam 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Tell It to Me Straight 6.00 Friends 6.30 Hollyoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Pukka Tales 8.00 O'Shea's Dangerous Reptiles:After the Flood 8.30 A Child's World:The Thinker 9.00 The Six Wives of Henry VIII: Catherine Howard and Catherine Parr 10.00 Rising Damp 10.30 Lost 11.05 Holl yoaks: Movin' On 11.50 FILM: Heathers 1.45 Mar got Fonteyn - Prima Ballerina Assoluta 2.50 Blessed Fruit 3.10 Brown Britain 4.00 4Learning
better bribe than that). One of the team is usually in the office on a Thursday night but he doesn’t seem to be in at the moment so I can’t get an exclusive interview. But if you see him in the Taf buy him a pint and shake his hand – he has faced Paxman and lived. He has been to the brink and back. And, let’s face it, he’s on TV tonight and you’re not. So there.
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6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilr oy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Trading Up 11.30 Bar gain Hunt 12.00 Wipeout Hosted by the Fat Boys (obscure pop reference No. 1 today) 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.55 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 UBOS 4.35 So Little Time 5.00 Byker Gr ove The girls organise a sleepover at the Grove to practice babysitting and cheerleeding. Yes, two closely related disciplines – much like shoe repairs and key-cutting. 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours
6.00 Open Uni versity 7.00 The Magical Ad ventures of Quasimodo 7.20 Arthur 7.50 Blue Peter 8.10 Binka 8.20 Little Bear 8.45 64 Zoo Lane 9.00 Tweenies 9.40 Playdays 10.00 Teletubbies 10.50 Ethelbert the Tiger 11.00 Conference Li ve 1.00 Binka 1.10 English Express 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Conference Li ve 3.50 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 4.00 Awash with Colour 4.30 Read y, Stead y, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link Has anyone invented a pub quiz machine based in The Weakest Link yet? It could be part quiz machine, and part one of those machines where you have to punch something really hard.
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.05 Shortland Street 1.35 The Biggest Game in Town 2.05 Crossroads 2.35 The Bill 3.05 ITV News Headlines 3.10 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Mopatop's Shop 3.30 The Adventures of Captain Pugwash 3.40 Cardcaptor s 4.05 The Quick Trick Sho w 4.25 My Parents Ar e Aliens 4.50 Chums 5.05 Cr ossroads Mark and Sarah regret their brief encounter. I bet they do, dirty buggers. They won’t do that again in a hur ry. 5.35 The People Versus Odd concept gameshow. Just odd.
6.00 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Suddenly Susan 12.30 Planed Plant: Rhacsyn a'r Goeden Hud 12.45 Planed Plant:Miffi 1.00 Channel 4 Racing from Newmar ket 2.20 The Leader's Speech 3.45 Channel 4 Racing from Newmar ket 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Planed Plant:Y Marinogion 5.30 Tell It to Me Straight Ruth's friends discuss her sad boobs, hippy clothes and shapeless shoes. I’m sorry, but who has ‘sad’boobs? What a ludicrous programme. 5.55 A Party Political Broadcast by the Labour Party
6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.25 Rolie Polie Olie 7.55 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.25 J ay Jay the Jet Plane 8.55 Beachcomber Bay 9.20 Ricki Lake 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Famil y Law 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Famil y Affairs 1.30 The Oprah Winfrey Show 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: A Case for Life Probably something sturdy – like a Samsonite. A Louis Vuitton might look good, but will it last? You’ve got to think about these things. 5.15 Russell Grant's Postcards 5.30 5 News
6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 Holiday – You Call the Shots This edition comes from Amsterdam. Yeah, good idea – thousands of suggestions to send Jamie Theakston off to score in the red light district and bring everyone some good soft hash. 7.30 EastEnder s 8.00 Ground Force A pretty seaside bungalow's garden is given a maritime makeover. Which could mean that it’s filled with seaweed and shit. 8.30 Murder Rooms – the Dark Beginnings of Sherlock Holmes Rik Mayall’s in this one – he swore at me once. I was ver y impressed. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Brighton Bill:Kids Pesky kids doing pesky varmint things. Why I oughta...::shakes fist:: 11.05 FILM:The Onl y Way Out Tense thriller about a smooth-talking sociopath's reign of terror over a couple in the process of an amicable divorce. “We’ve all been there,” sympathises Film Desk. 12.40 Watchdo g 1.10 Ancient Apocalypse 2.00 See Hear on Saturda y 2.45 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Star Trek: Voyager One of the former-Borg children on board Voyager is reclaimed by his parents, who then secretly place him on a suicide mission against the Borg. I think the intergalactic social services would be very interested to hear about this. 6.45 Roswell Michael meets an old man who tells him about the Government's cover-up of the alien landing in 1947. An old bloke started talking to me in the takeaway the other week – but he didn’t tell me anything as interesting about conspiracies. 7.30 Bill Oddie Goes Wild: Speyside Dosed up to the eyeballs on Ketamine, Oddie strips naked and runs around the countryside scaring ramblers and spitting invective at the native flora and fauna. Actually, no, he looks at some birds. 8.00 Food and Drink 8.30 Ainsley's Gourmet Express 2 Nothing Ainsley can make will be as nice as my Houmous and Rocket sandwich. So nerrr. 9.00 Battlefields: Cassino 9.50 We Are History 10.00 Double Yellow 10.30 Newsnight 11.25 Seinfeld 11.50 Seinfeld 12.15 48 Preludes and Fugues 12.30 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Grass Roots 8.00 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Chris Tarrant presents a special edition of the quiz show in which the contestants are parents and their children. A sort of variation on Beat The Teacher from years ago. Only with parents, not teachers. And no Bruno Brookes. Damn. 9.00 The Bill During a crackdown on Sun Hill's money lenders, Boyden finds himself paying off crooks to clear his daughter's debts. See, I told you all coppers were crooked. Would you listen...? 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.20 Our Daughter Won't Eat: Real Life Documentary about anorexic Vicki Carter, who in 1999 as a 16-year-old weighing five-and-a-half stone took her parents to the court to reser ve her right not to be tube-fed. ‘Harrowing’ seems to be word I’m looking for. 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 Party Conference Broadcast by Labour 11.35 Top Sport 12.40 Take the Mike 1.05 World Spor t 1.35 F1:United States Grand Prix Repla yed 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Darllediad Gwleid yddol gan y Blaid Lafur 7.35 Newyddion News 8.05 Cerdyn Post 8.35 Ffermio 9.05 The Six Wives of Henry VIII: Jane Seymour and Anne of Cle ves Oi! That’s two, not six. Cuh! 10.05 Brookside 10.40 Amdani 11.30 Lost 12.00 Hollyoaks: Movin' On 12.50 Frasier 1.20 FILM:Scandalous Me:The Jacqueline Susann Story 2.55 Brown Britain 4.00 Schools
6.00 Home and Away Gypsy and Harry finally show their true feelings to each other. Shauna tries to resist Gavin's charm. Erm, I suppose you can have a fnarr for those. 6.30 Famil y Affairs 7.00 Five Filmed at Manchester's Evening News Arena in March 2000, top boy band Five pump out a collection of their biggest hits in front of a mass of screaming fans. Ooh, a slice of history following their earth-shattering break-up. Record this and show it to your grandchildren – who will no doubt display massive indifference. 7.30 5 News 8.00 Sleepwalker s Who Kill What causes a normally mild-mannered individual to attack, and even kill, a loved one while still asleep? This could be the best documentary all year – stay in. 9.00 FILM:Single White Female “Jumpy” – Film Desk 11.10 Fred and Rose - the West Murder s That documentary with the police tapes. Not as good as murderous sleepwalkers though. 12.05 La Femme Nikita 1.00 American Football NFL Game of the Week: New York Jets v San Francisco 49ers 4.20 Summer X Games 2001 5.30 One to Win
CH4.As S4C except: 6.00 Ivor the Engine 9.30 4Learning 12.00 Fifteen to One 12.30 Suddenly Susan 1.00 2.20 3.45 4.15 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Tell It to Me Straight 6.00 X-Fir e 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Pukka Tales 8.00 Brookside 8.30 Dri ven 9.00 Extinct 9.30 Going Critical:The Eruption of Mount St Helens 10.00 Sex and the City 10.35 Lost 11.05 Hollyoaks:Movin' On 11.55 Easy 12.55 Under the Knife: Hip 1.30 Husk 1.40 Football Italia - Mezzanotte 3.30 Chef for a Night 4.00 4Learning
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On paper, Hollyoaks: Movin’ On seems like a good idea – a group of teenagers (how old are they meant to be anyway?) drinking, shagging, swearing and generally being far too disgraceful to be seen
before 9pm. But they’re not. There’s no nudity, some half-arsed swears (‘shag’, ‘tits’ ‘arse’ and so on) and the occasional shot of, say, some poo or perhaps some vomit. Careful now, Channel 4, don’t push that envelope too far. As Sports Desk says, ‘It’s just lame jokes about bums’. Why bother watching this when you can see far more entertaining documentaries about real people showing their real bums? 0 1.1 0.0 1
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6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilr oy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Trading Up 11.30 Bar gain Hunt 12.00 Wipeout 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.55 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 Jackie Chan Ad ventures 4.35 Oscar Charlie 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbour s To quell the fears of those weird goths in the queue for Clwb on Wednesday (according to Helen): yes, I am still here. TV rides the skies again.
6.00 Open Uni versity 7.00 Charlie Br own and Snoop y Show 7.20 Arthur 7.50 UBOS 8.10 Bob the Builder 8.20 Little Bear 8.45 64 Zoo Lane 9.00 Tweenies 9.40 Playdays 10.00 Teletubbies 10.50 Ethelbert the Tiger 11.00 Conference Li ve 1.00 Bob the Builder 1.10 The Experimenter 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Conference Live 3.50 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 4.00 Awash with Colour 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link We still have no money and a bit of a drink problem. All religion is still wank. The same people who sucked...
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.05 Shortland Street 1.35 The Biggest Game in Town 2.05 Crossroads 2.35 The Bill 3.05 ITV News Headlines 3.10 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Mopatop's Shop 3.30 The Adventures of Captain Pugwash 3.40 Cardcaptor s 4.05 The Quick Trick Sho w 4.25 My Parents Ar e Aliens 4.50 Chums 5.05 Crossroads 5.35 The People ...last year still suck now. Plus a few more besides. All the bands, telly, films and sports you like are rubbish.
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Ysgolion/ Schools 12.00 Suddenl y Susan 12.30 Planed Plant: Ari Awyren 12.45 Planed Plant:Lisabeth 12.50 Planed Plant:Caio 1.00 Icons 1.15 O'Shea's Dangerous Reptiles 1.45 Property Ladder 2.45 A Place in the Sun 3.15 Watercolour Challenge 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Planed Plant 5.15 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.30 Tell It to Me Straight Mel Giedroyc (the one out of Mel & Sue who isn’t a homosexual) presents some hidden camera thing.
6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.30 Rolie Polie Olie 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.25 J ay Jay the Jet Plane 8.50 Beachcomber Bay 9.20 Ricki Lake 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Famil y Law 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 The Oprah Winfrey Show 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: Storm y Weathers 5.25 Russell Grant's Postcards 5.30 5 News TV was amazed to realise this week that we actually liked the P Diddy single. Hopefully this aberration will be a one-off.
6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 Terror in America: Children Speak There was unruly joy in our house when the pic of Osama bin Laden and his trentfillion siblings was published. Uncle Ossie aged 14 bore a strange resemblance to the young Nabil Hassan – come up to the office if you don’t believe us. 7.30 The Nation's F avourite Children's Poem In here we reckon it’s a tossup between Milk Milk Lemonade, Ching Chong Chinaman and My Friend Billy. Great days. Actually, no. 8.00 The Weakest Link 8.45 National Lottery Winning Lines 9.00 The Blue Planet: Frozen Seas David Attenborough’s nautical series. Everyone who’s seen this reckons it’s bomb. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Week In, Week Out 11.05 FILM: Billy Madison Comedy about a rich family starring Adam Sandler. He huffs dong as far as we are concerned. 12.40 Best Inventions 1.10 Panorama 1.50 See Hear on Saturda y 2.35 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 TOTP 2 Archive music show. Nostalgia is stupid. 6.45 Star Trek:Deep Space Nine 7.30 The Good Life Tom and Barbara try to keep their fleas to themselves. I don’t know what to think about that. 8.00 Would Like to Meet Would like to go to the preview. 9.00 Home F ront 10.00 Porridg e Fletcher lands in hot water when some stolen pills accidentally find their way into his cup of tea. Mashup Fletch. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Seinfeld 11.45 Seinfeld 12.10 48 Preludes and Fugues 12.30 BBC Learning Zone Well, it’s a bit like this. Sarah’s staff is a bit thin on the ground and we’re at a loose end on a Thursday night, so we thought we’d come to the aid of the remaining TV faction by wasting everyone’s time with shit jokes and obscure references to people you don’t even know. PLUS the pseudo blue bar!!!! ... SO, COME CRAWLING BACK EH? ■ LOCAL HORSE TO REMAIN HUNGRY ■ THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Lloyd & Hill 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.20 The Unfor getta ble Yootha J oyce Who was – in case you’ve forgotten – Mildred of George And... fame. Gates was gutted to find out she was actually dead. 10.50 Barry Welsh is Coming 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 FILM:The Eagle Has Landed Don Sutherland and Mike Caine stop a plot to capture Winnie Churchil during WWII. Heartening to see that broadcasters have decided to stop being pussies and appeal to the public’s base instincts by putting gung-ho, all-hands-to-thepump garbage back on the telly. Didn’t take very long did it? 2.05 Triathlon: Tri 2001 2.55 Nationwide Football League Extra 3.30 ITV Sport Classics 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Ear ly Morning News It feels well weird to be doing this now, truth be told.
6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Sgwadnewyddu 8.30 Hoelen Yn Yr Archif 9.00 Joined: the World of Siamese Twins 10.00 Brookside 10.30 Ally McBeal 11.30 Lost 12.00 Perfect Match 1.00 The Secret Life of Us 2.00 To DIY For 3.00 Football Italia - Mezzanotte
6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Famil y Affairs 7.00 The Movie Chart Sho w 7.30 5 News 8.00 Parking Wars 9.00 FILM:Memphis Belle World War II drama about a B-17 bomber’s final mission over Germany. See 11.30pm on ITV. 11.05 Fred and Rose - the West Murder s Not to sound like a sicko or anything, but this looks like a really good piece of TV. Mind you, it’s on 5 so it’ll probably be exploitative trash instead. Gemma: “When we used to go to gigs at the Guildhall in Gloucester, we always had to walk past Fred West’s house. Disturbing.” Have you had to walk past a celebrity serial killer’s former dwelling of EVIL just to get on the piss and see some crappy indie band or other? Contact GR with your chilling story, on our special freephone hotline (the normal office number). All calls will be dealt with in strictest confidence, until the evening when we go to the pub. 12.00 Major League Baseball 3.00 Major League Baseball Repla y 4.30 Australian Rules Football:Grand Final 5.30 Motorsport Max
C H OIC E W o uld Lik e T o M e e t BBC 2, 8.0 0 pm This fly-on-the-wall programme/public humiliation service (delete according to level of self-respect) seems, in the context of hidden-camera hi-tech hits like Big Brother, G RiP
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CH4.As S4C except: 6.00 Ivor the Engine 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 4Learning 12.00 Montel 12.35 Supporting Acts 12.55 FILM:That Hamilton Woman 1.45 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Tell It to Me Straight 6.00 Model Behaviour 6.30 Holl yoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Pukka Tales 8.00 Brookside 8.30 Location,Location, Location 9.00 Joined: the World of Siamese Twins 10.00 Ally McBeal 10.55 Lost 11.30 The Secret Life of Us 12.30 4 Music:Ibiza TV 1.00 4 Music:Fla va 1.30 4 Music:Q - 15 Years 2.05 Trans World Spor t 3.05 FILM:Knight without Armour 4.55 Chef for a Night 5.20 Countdown
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rather old-school. Nonetheless, its two core elements – courtship and people making idiots of themselves – pretty much guarantees a winning formula. Mumsy lowbrow TV staple Lowri Turner and her team of experts make it their business to come to the aid of Britain’s dowdy, plain, ill-clothed and generally unlucky-at-laying-pipe souls. And tell them
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exactly why they aren’t getting any, and tart them up until their chances improve a little. This week (after the mirthsome spectacle of a Sun sub looking like a twat in front of the cameras), the team must work out why a beautiful, blonde sales rep from Swindon has been single for eight years. Perhaps because she’s the sort of person that thinks it’s a good idea to get a TV crew to film her dates? 0 1.1 0.0 1
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6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilr oy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Trading Up 11.30 Bar gain Hunt 12.00 Wipeout 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.55 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 UBOS 4.35 Hollywood 7 5.00 Byker Gr ove 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Will Joe and Lyn let Michelle attend an animal rights protest? Where’s the smut here then? How am I meant to shoehorn the word ‘fnarr’into the TVlistings every day if people act with decorum?
6.00 Open Uni versity 7.00 The Magical Ad ventures of Quasimodo 7.20 Arthur 7.50 Blue Peter 8.10 Dr Otter 8.20 Little Bear 8.45 64 Zoo Lane 9.00 Tweenies 9.40 Playdays 10.00 Teletubbies 10.50 Schools 12.30 Wildlife on Two 1.00 Dr Otter I wonder where the good doctor keeps his ::titter:: pen? Do you think ::snigger:: it’s in his, pocket? Do you see? Do you? Otter’s...no, I’ll stop. 1.10 Focus – Citizenship 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Home Front Tricks 2.05 FILM: The Great Caruso 3.50 BBC News 4.00 Awash with Colour 4.30 Read y, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.05 Shortland Street 1.35 The Biggest Game in Town 2.05 Crossroads 2.35 The Bill 3.05 ITV News Headlines 3.10 HTV News 3.20 Mopatop's Shop 3.30 The Adventures of Captain Pugwash 3.40 Cardcaptor s 4.05 The Quick Trick Sho w 4.25 My Parents Ar e Aliens 4.50 Chums 5.05 Cr ossroads Oona confronts Virginia about her ‘romance’. Tracey tells Bradley that she wants more than a one-night stand. Not really smutty but desperate times...FNARR. Sorry. 5.35 The People Versus
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Suddenly Susan 12.30 Planed Plant:Saith 12.45 Planed Plant:Bibi 1.00 Mummies 1.30 Channel 4 Racing from Newmar ket 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Planed Plant:Uned 5 5.30 Tell It to Me Straight Lynn's friends target her frumpy shoes, drab clothes and lack of selfesteem. Maybe, as part of some makeover-type thing, Lynn needs to ditch her pathetic excuses for friends who may be the reason for her low self-esteem. What a ghastly programme. I hope Lynn finds some nice friends.
6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.05 Muppet Babies 7.30 Rolie Polie Olie 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.25 J ay Jay the Jet Plane 8.50 Beachcomber Bay 9.20 Ricki Lake 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Famil y Law 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 The Oprah Winfrey Show 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM:Into Thin Air: Death On Everest 5.15 Russell Grant's Postcards I got a very good postcard from France as well – some old women in traditional hats that looked like bog rolls. 5.30 5 News
6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 Watchdo g In this special edition, they report on the housing industry, including developers who gazump their own customers and surveyors who skip key parts of the sur vey. Prepare yourself for another year of GR kicking the arses of unscrupulous Cardiff landlords. Rough justice will rule in the GR world order. 7.30 EastEnder s 8.00 Terror in America:the British Victims and Survi vors A moving documentary about the effects of the WTCattack on British families. Which, in a bizarre twist of programming, is followed by... 9.00 Cheer for Charlie Charlie Dimmock leaping about on a trapeze in a flange-skimming leotard and honking like a goose. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News 10.35 Question Time 11.35 Film 2001 with Jonathan Ross 12.05 Liquid News 12.40 FILM: Pie in the Sk y A man conceived in a traffic jam grows up obsessed with monitoring traffic and making sexual discoveries. “Fucking awful” winces Film Desk. 2.10 Watchdog 2.45 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 The New Adventures of Superman The twisted scientists create an evil robot but need a human brain to control the kryptonitepowered body. The 24-hour garage should have some. And get us a Twix while you’re there. Cheers. 6.45 Buffy the Vampir e Slayer When relatives arrive to celebrate her birthday, Tara uses a spell on her friends to keep them from learning her secret. Ah, she’s only fooling herself in the end. 7.30 Rivers of Wales 8.00 Dragon's Ey e Still sounds like a euphemism, still isn’t any good. 8.30 Top Gear 9.00 Horizon:The Ape that Took Over the World George W Bush? Oooh, politics. Well, not really politics. Just a dig. 9.50 Body Briefs An informative account of life from conception within the womb to the first breaths outside. Probably not one to watch while you’re having your tea. Although it’s a bit late for tea now – you might as well got straight to the pub and have some crisps there. 10.00 Dad's Arm y 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Seinfeld 11.45 Seinfeld 12.10 48 Preludes and Fugues 12.30 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale STOP PRESS! University Challenge news just in! Apparently the UCL team consisted of “Three lesbians and a fat bastard”. Did you spot them on Monday? 7.30 Crime Secrets Looking at the life of Timothy Evans who came from Merthyr Vale and was wrongly executed in the Rillington Place affair. Are we meant to have heard of the Rillington Place affair? ‘Cause I haven’t. 8.00 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? More popular than its predecessor, Who Wants A Poke In The Eye With A Sharp Stick? 9.00 Without Moti ve 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.20 Tonight with Trev or McDonald Tonight, Trevor takes in a movie and then mooches around town for a bit, watching young people spilling out of pubs. 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 Sharp End 12.00 Global E-Missions 12.35 Young, Gifted and Broke 1.00 CD:UK 1.55 ITV at the Festi vals 2001 2.45 Cybernet 3.15 Tonight with Trev or McDonald 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Ear ly Morning News
6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Pam Fi Duw? 8.30 Cymru Ar Ras 9.30 A Child's World:Boys and Girls 10.00 Dri ven 10.30 Eurotrash 11.05 Clipsen 11.35 The Armando Iannucci Shows 12.05 Los Dos Bros 12.35 The Sopranos 1.40 Fla va 2.10 Ibiza TV 2.35 FILM: Test Pilot
6.00 Home and Away Leah is involved in a lifethreatening accident. Alf is outraged to learn of Gavin and Shauna's affair, and calls him a flaming gallah. 6.30 Famil y Affairs 7.00 The Pepsi Char t Guests include Jean Jacques Smoothie, Elbow and Usher. Will Usher have his torch and a tray of ice-cream with him? Ahahahaahaaaa. God, I’m so sor ry. 7.30 5 News 8.00 Scenes of Crime 8.30 Arrest and Trial:Three Out of Four This edition presents the case of a Filipino mail-order bride who vanished mysteriously, 17 years after her husband's first wife died under suspicious circumstances. Ooh, it’s the sort of thing they make films out of. And someone probably has. 9.00 FILM: Compan y Business “Some kind of Cold War spy thingy – hardly James Bond. Rent Goldfinger instead,” warns Film Desk. 11.00 Fred and Rose - the West Murder s 11.55 Jonathan Pearce's Football Night 12.25 Dutch Football: PSV Eindho ven v Vitesse Arnhem 1.55 Ar gentinian Football:Huracan v Racing Club 3.35 US Major League Soccer:MLS Cup 5.15 Major League Soccer
CH4.As S4C except: 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 4Learning 12.00 Montel 12.35 Suddenly Susan 1.00 Cheers 1.30 3.45 4.15 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Tell It to Me Straight 6.00 Friends 6.30 Holl yoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Pukka Tales 8.00 Property Ladder 8.30 9.00 To Dri ve For 10.00 F rasier 10.30 The Armando Iannucci Shows 11.05 Pornography: the Secret History of Civilisation:The Mechanical Eye 12.05 Action 12.35 Action 1.05 4 Later:Onedottv 1.40 Football Italia - Mezzanotte 3.25 This Is Modern Eating 3.55 TV Dinners 4.20 Tastes of Britain 4.50 Diary of a Garden 5.15 Countdown 5.55 Max Bear
H o lly o a k s C h a n n el 4 6.3 0pm S T AYIN G IN T O NIG H T ? C all f o r t h e la t e s t s t u d e n t d e al s
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A new sitcom for Channel 4 – this time it’s a ‘fastpaced satire of Hollywood’ with a lead character called Peter Dragon. Cue lots of episodes called ‘Re-enter the Dragon’, ‘George and the Dragon’ (he
meets a man called George, perhaps) and, seeing as how this is a programme about a successful Hollywood producer, ‘Chasing the Dragon’ where Peter gets hounded by coke-dealers. Okay, so I made some of that up. But it does look quite good. Plank-of-wood fans should note that Keanu Reeves makes a guest appearance in tonight’s first episode. 0 1.1 0.0 1
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6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilr oy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Trading Up 11.30 Bar gain Hunt 12.00 Wipeout 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbour s 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.55 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 Super Duper Sumos 4.35 Bring It On 5.00 DIY TV 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Darcy tries to make amends to Tess. The Hancocks fight for some family time. Karl agrees to keep Darcy on as his partner. Is it possible to wrench a ‘fnarr’out of any of thesesituations? It’s tempting...but I’ll save it.
6.00 Open Uni versity 7.00 Chipmunks Go to the Movies 7.20 Arthur 7.50 UBOS 8.10 Bill and Ben 8.20 Little Bear 8.45 64 Zoo Lane 9.00 Tweenies 9.40 Playdays 10.00 Teletubbies 10.50 Schools 12.30 World Rally Championships: Rally New Zealand 1.00 Bill and Ben 1.10 Zig Zag 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Home Front Tricks 2.20 FILM:Experiment Perilous 3.50 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 4.00 Awash with Colour 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link USA A comedians special, apparently. So this could be where Rob Reiner (I think) snogs Robinson. Brave man.
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.05 Shortland Street 1.35 The Biggest Game in Town 2.05 Get Gardening! 2.35 Soft Sell 3.05 ITV News Headlines 3.10 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Mopatop's Shop 3.30 The Adventures of Captain Pugwash 3.40 Cardcaptor s 4.05 The Quick Trick Sho w 4.25 My Parents Ar e Aliens 4.50 Chums 5.05 Nuts and Bolts Jon takes drastic measures and Gilly ends up in big trouble. Fnarr. I suppose. 5.30 The Biggest Game in Town Either a massive quiz or a programme about huge pheasants.
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Suddenly Susan 12.30 Planed Plant: Tecwyn y Tractor 12.45 Planed Plant: Sali Mali 1.00 Great Civilisations 1.30 Channel 4 Racing from Newmar ket 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Planed Plant: CIC The pop band Cic present a show packed with songs, competitions and guests. Bo! 5.30 Tell It to Me Straight Mark discovers that he has pudding bowl haircut. And he needs people to point this out to him? Does he have no mirrors? Is he a vampire with a pudding bowl haircut.
6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.25 Rolie Polie Olie 7.55 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.25 J ay Jay the Jet Plane 8.55 Beachcomber Bay 9.20 Ricki Lake 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Famil y Law 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 The Oprah Winfrey Show 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: Spoils of War 5.25 Russell Grant's Postcards 5.30 5 News STOPPRESS! GR’s Lomu played golf with Brian Turner from Ready, Steady Cook and says he’s ‘a cunt’. Turner also, apparently, said Fern Britton was ‘a slag.’ Righto. Thanks Lomu.
6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 Animal Hospital Rolf Harris presents stories from the RSPCA's Harmsworth Hospital in London. My housemate used to play Animal Hospital betting where you had to guess which animals would live and which would die. Apparently he won a sizeable sum after predicting the return to health of a spectacularly ill donkey. 7.30 Top of the Pops 8.00 EastEnder s 8.30 My Famil y 9.00 Absolutely Fabulous ::draws breath in through teeth:: Is it really as good as it used to be? Hmm, I’m still not sure. But with any luck I’ll be out anyway. 9.30 They Think It's All Over Guests are Clive Anderson and Alec Stewart. Sports Desk – in a pub brawl between these two men, who’d win? “Alec Stewart would win, but he’d bet on Anderson.” Thanks. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News 10.35 Just Up Your Street 11.05 Jo Brand's Commercial Breakdown 11.35 FILM:National Lampoon's the Don's Analyst “Not as good as Animal House,” spouts Film Desk 1.20 FILM:A Kidnapping in the Famil y 2.55 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Masters of Combat Gail Porter and Trey Farley present the series in which two teams of martial arts experts compete against one another in a variety of disciplines. This is dreadful. Absolutely dreadful. Rent some Jackie Chan instead. 6.45 Scrum V Li ve: Llanelli v Perpignan 8.40 Band of Brother s The first two installments of the wartime drama series see a disparate group of young men begin paratroop training before setting off on D-Day for their missions in France. Interesting Friday night scheduling for BBC2 here. You can be damn sure I won’t be watching. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Revie w Mark Lawson discusses the week's cultural highs and lows with Tom Paulin and Paul Morley, including the French film Amelie, directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet. You don’t need to watch this, I can tell you already that it’s a brilliant film. You have to go and see it. Or we won’t let you read the rest of the TV listings. And is that a threat or a promise? 11.35 Later Presents... Paul Weller Solo Zzzzzzzz..... 12.20 The X Files 1.05 Buffy the Vampir e Slayer 3.00 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ashley is stunned to hear of Bernice's affair, and it seems that there's no hope of reconciliation. Is it just me or does Bernice sound like the sort of name only drag queens have? In which case, all these revelations seem to make sense. 7.30 Coronation Street Fred and Eve return from their honeymoon. Ugh, Fred’s the fat butcher, right? And he’s been on honeymoon? Ick. 8.00 Bruce's Price Is Right 8.30 Rich and Famous 9.00 The Bill 10.00 ITV Weekend News 10.20 Lily Li ve 11.10 Pleasure Island Jason is still uneasy about his future. And two become three as swingers Bar ry and Rhona romp with new lover Kevin. 11.35 HTV News 11.45 Shotgun Slidesho w Videos by new bands including Tommy and the Chauffeur, Five-Piece, Grind, Gwacamoli and Shotgun Loop. 12.15 Refresh 12.45 Dial-a-Date 1.15 Pla yers 2.05 New Music Television 2.35 Take the Mike 3.00 Box Office America 3.25 World Football 3.50 Trisha 4.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Ear ly Morning News
6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Cefn Gwlad 8.30 Lle Neis i Blant? 9.00 Friends 9.30 Will and Grace 10.00 Brookside 10.35 So Graham Norton 11.15 Bar Wars 12.20 Sex and the City 12.50 Sex and the City 1.20 Hollyoaks Omnibus: Movin' On 2.55 Beach Volleyball:FIVB World Tour 2001 3.25 Why Men Don't Iron
6.00 Home and Away Dani and Will share their first kiss. Sam shows his sleazy side. Vinnie gets into a panic over Leah's injury. That’s more like it. FNARR! 6.30 Famil y Affairs Vince loses everything to Eric in the poker match. Becky admits she slept with Paul. And again! FNARR! Bling bling! 7.00 Cleopatra 2525 Pishy sub-Xena exploits. 7.30 5 News 8.00 Inside the Criminal Mind:Mad Or Bad 9.00 FILM:Crimes of Passion:Sleepwalker Thriller about a man who confesses to the brutal murder of his mother-in-law, despite having no recollection of the event. Could he have done it while sleepwalking? See C5’s documentary on this earlier in the week for the full story. 10.50 FILM: Secret Games 3 “Yay! It’s an erotic thriller. My favourite sort of film!” exudes a volatile Film Desk. 12.30 FILM: Die Laughing “Something to do with a chimp that can make atomic bombs. I’d buy that for a dollar,” gibbers Film Desk. 2.25 Knots Landing - Back to the Cul-de-sac 3.55 Night Stand 4.40 Strange Luck 5.25 Russell Grant's Postcards 5.30 Okavango
CH4.As S4C except: 6.00 Tales of a Wise King 6.30 7.00 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 4Learning 12.00 FILM: The Spy in Black 1.30 3.45 4.15 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Tell It to Me Straight 6.00 Friends 6.30 Model Behaviour 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World:Being Nice to Mr Putin 8.00 Great Civilisations: Egypt 8.30 Brookside 9.00 9.30 Will and Grace 10.00 So Graham Norton 10.40 Los Dos Bros 11.10 Bar Wars 12.15 Hollyoaks Omnibus: Movin' On 1.50 Beach Volleyball:FIVB World Tour 2.20 FILM: Tawny Pipit 3.40 The Last of the Hiding Tribes:The Fate of the Kidnapper 4.35 Jack and Jill 5.20 Countdown
A b s o l u t ely F a b ulo u s BBC1 9.0 0pm
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C H OIC E U n r e p o r t e d W o rld C h a n n el 4 , 7 . 3 0 p m It’s about time you lot watched something edifying – try this for size. ‘Being Nice To Mr Putin’ is an examination of the effects of the fall of Communism in Russia – particularly G RiP
the business opportunities that have sprung up and the inevitable corruption that ensued. It also questions the West’s lack of interest in the the human rights’ violations in Chechnya. It’s alright – only an hour until Friends.... Los D os B ros C h a n n el 4 , 1 0 . 4 0 p m
Can someone write in and tell me what this is like, please? I saw an advert for it the other day and it looked, you know, alright. But I keep missing it and I need to know if I should be gutted about missing it. I’d also appreciate it if someone could write me 200 words or so about why Bar Wars is still transmitting despite the fact it’s utterly dreadful. 0 1.1 0.0 1
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S a t u r day T he S a t u r day S how BBC1 9.0 0am
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7.00 Little Bear 7.30 Brum 7.40 Fix and F oxi 7.50 Gadget Boy 8.15 Flint the Time Detecti ve 8.35 Rugrats 9.00 The Saturda y Show Dire. Utterly dire. 12.00 Football Focus 12.50 BBC News; Weather 1.00 Match of the Day Li ve: England v Greece “2-1 England, nervy mind,” warns pensive Sports Desk. 4.45 Wales on Saturday 5.35 BBC News; Weather 5.50 Wales Today Time for a quick public service announcement:it’s Hass’ birthday today so he’ll be drinking before, during and after the match in The End, then in the Union, then in the Fantasy Lounge. If you see him, buy him a pint.
7.00 Weekend 24 9.00 FILM:Lady for a Night 10.30 The Bike's the Star 10.50 See Hear on Saturda y 11.35 The Phil Silvers Sho w 12.00 Stingr ay 12.25 To Be Announced 2.10 World Cup Football Li ve: Wales v Belarus “The least significant football match in the history of football,” booms Freebase Desk in stentorian tones. 4.40 To Be Announced 4.55 Rugb y Union European Cup: Harlequins v Munster If Hermann Munster were to play rugby, what position would he play?“Number 8 – last man in the scrum” asserts Hass, stridently. These opinions are nothing to do with me, by the way.
6.00 GMTV 9.25 SMTV Live 11.30 CD:UK 12.30 On the Ball 1.20 ITV News; Weather 1.25 HTV News and Weather 1.30 International Motor Racing 2.00 Cartoon 2.15 Hear'Sa y It's Saturday 2.45 FILM: Yentl 5.10 ITV News; Weather and Local News 5.40 Challenge of a Lifetime Claire Sweeney presents the series in which members of the public take on challenges around the world, which Claire must complete if the challenger fails to do it. What would be cool is if all Claire’s worst enemies got together, went on the show, fucked up and Claire had to do loads of challenges.
6.00 Countdown 6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 Blue's Clues 7.00 The Red Bull Soap Box Race 7.30 World Offshore P owerboating Championship 8.00 Trans World Sport 9.00 The Morning Line 10.00 Scrapheap Challenge 11.00 X-Fire 12.00 Star gate SG-1 1.00 FANatic 1.30 Channel 4 Racing from Newmar ket, Sandown Park,Redcar and Longchamp 2.05 Peldroed Rhyngwadol:Cymru v Belarws 4.25 Channel 4 Racing 5.00 Newyddion a Chwaraeon 5.10 Y Clwb Rygbi Just time to say a quick hello to Prof. Peter Hunt. Hope you’re still reading. Apologies for accosting you at graduation...
6.00 Russell Grant's Postcards 6.05 WideWorld 6.30 WideWorld 7.00 ITN News Channel 7.30 Milkshake! 7.35 Tickle, Patch and Friends 8.00 Redwall 8.30 The Powerpuff Girls 9.00 The Tribe 10.00 Student Bodies 10.30 Singled Out 11.00 Core News 11.05 Edgemont 11.30 Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane 12.00 5 News at Lunchtime 12.10 Home and Away Omnibus 2.15 Atlantis High 2.50 The Core 2.55 The Pepsi Char t 3.30 Harry and Cosh 3.55 School 4.55 Under Pressur e 5.55 5 News and Spor t ...but, you know, a glass of wine, a silly hat and the sense of occasion went to my head. No pun intended.
5.55 Jim Davidson's Generation Game Jim Davidson gets half way through his opening skit about darkies or somesuch before a team of ninjas abseil onto the set, expertly dissect the TV ‘funnyman’and feed each piece of him to a pack of slavering dogs. Each dog then runs to Heathrow, flies to Cape Canaveral, boards a space shuttle, enters orbit around the sun and then shits into the airlock. The airlock is emptied into space and the fully-digested remains of Davidson are vaporised in the heat of the suns fiery rays. Oh, no, sorry – that’s next week. 6.50 Dog Eat Do g Gameshow featuring dogs that like to eat gameshow hosts. 7.25 National Lottery Winning Lines 8.10 Casualty 9.00 Randall and Hopkir k (Deceased) 9.50 BBC News; Weather 10.10 Parkinson Guests are comedian Jim Davidson and celebrity chef Jamie Oliver. Aagh! A living hell! 11.10 Match of the Da y 12.30 They Think It's All Over 1.00 A Question of Spor t 1.30 Top of the Pops 2.05 Match of the Day:England v Greece 3.45 Joins BBC News 24
6.50 What the Papers Sa y 7.00 Arena:According to Beryl Dame Beryl Bainbridge takes an idiosyncratic tour of the last twenty years of writer and poet Samuel Johnson's turbulent life, focusing on his relationship with Hester Thrale. Beryl Bainbridge is cool so this should be interesting. 8.00 The People's Booker 9.00 I Lo ve 1996 The year of girlpower - the Spice Girls hit the charts, Lara Croft kept teenage boys busy in their bedrooms, and The Girlie Show proved ladettes could be even cruder than lads. Wrong! The Girlie Show proved that TV producers were capable of making inane, asinine programmes with female presenters just as badly as they churned out the same sort of programmes with male presenters. QED. 10.00 FILM: Blade “Wesley Snipes does bonkers vampire-type stuff. Not too bad actually,” concedes Film Desk. 11.55 FILM: Pontiac Moon “Sounds a bit schmaltzy if you ask me – and it’s got Ted Danson in it. And, let’s face it, he’s hardly Tom Selleck,” muses Film Desk. 1.40 Later Presents... Paul Weller Solo 3.00 BBC Learning Zone
6.10 Popstars in Their Eyes Matthew Kelly presents a celebrity edition of the programme in which people mimic their pop heroes, with guests Sonique, A1, Belinda Carlisle, Claire Richards and Boy George. This is the campest programme all week. I’ll be there like a shot. Ten quid says Sonique ‘does’ Errol Brown. “I’d like to see Cat Stevens cover Ted Nugent,” profers Freebase Desk. “Atomic Kitten doing Stockhausen, please” requests Elder Stateswoman Desk. 7.10 Pop Idol 8.10 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 9.10 An Audience with Kylie Minogue Also very camp. I shall be here like a shot also. 10.10 FILM: Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery 11.15 ITV Weekend News 11.30 FILM: Austin Powers:International Man of Mystery 12.20 The Kylie Videodrome 1.20 FILM: Reckless Kell y “With Yahoo Serious!” whoops excited Film Desk 2.40 Dial-a-Date 3.05 Mixmasters 3.35 Box Office America 4.00 World Spor t 4.25 World Football 4.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Ear ly Morning News
7.15 Newyddion a Chwaraeon News and spor t 7.30 Sadwrn Ar y Stryd 8.00 Noson La wen 9.00 Y Plwyf 10.00 Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster 11.05 The Mastercar d Mobo Awards 2001 12.50 Q – 15 Years 1.20 Gorky's Zygotic Mynci 1.35 FILM: Wild Man Blues “Ooh! Ooh! I’ve seen this and it’s really good – it’s Woody Allen on tour round Europe with his Dixieland band and is dead good and great,” ejaculates Film Desk. 3.25 Speedway Grand Prix 4.20 Unreported World
6.00 Fort Bo yard A valid point raised in an internet discussion the other day was that when the contestants for this show are asked to nominate their most feared things, why don’t they say £20 notes or porridge rather than tigers or big metal spikes? So you’ve got pneumatic Melinda saying ‘Brace yourself, we’re going to lower you into a room full of Jello’. Astonishing. 7.00 Night Fever Suggs presents the karaoke entertainment show. With captains Tricia Penrose and Leslie Grantham, and David Essex providing the music. This is the showbiz equivalent of an elephant graveyard where the greats go to die. 7.55 5 News and Spor t 8.15 The Queen Phenomenon The band, not that posh bird what’s got a big house in London. 9.15 CSI:Crime Scene Investigation 10.10 5 News Update 10.15 FILM:Crimes of Passion: Voice from the Grave 12.05 FILM:A Boy Called Hate “Better than being called Craig,” ventures Film Desk 1.55 Sports week 4.30 The Legend of the Hidden City 5.15 Okavango 5.45 Moto GP: Pacific
F IL M : A u s t in P owers IT V 1 0.1 0pm S T AYIN G IN T O NIG H T ? C all f o r t h e la t e s t s t u d e n t d e al s
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The original Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) was a bit odd at the best of times so I suppose it’s appropriate that Vic and Bob reprise their roles in this second series of remakes because, let’s face it,
CH4.As S4C except:10.00 Gazetta Football Italia 11.00 World Speed way Grand Prix 12.00 X-Fir e 1.00 Family Guy Awesome! The Best cartoon on TV at the moment. Apart from Simpsons and Futurama of course.1.30 2.05 4.25 5.00 Brookside 6.25 Channel 4 News 6.55 Seven Wonders of the World 8.00 FILM: The Land Girls 10.00 The Mastercard Mobo Awards 2001 11.45 Boogie Nights in Suburbia 12.45 Lost Omnibus 2.20 FILM: Brothers in Law 3.55 The Norm Show 4.20 For Your Love 4.45 TV Dinners 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Bagpuss
they can be a bit odd at times. I’m not sure that anything is lost in this remake but then nothing is really gained either. Sure, it’s nice to see Vic and Bob – it’s always a a pleasure – but I can’t help feeling they could better using their talents elsewhere. And when you’ve got An Audience With Kylie Minogue on ITV there isn’t really much contest. Settle down with the stiffs if you like, I’ll be putting on my Antipodean dancing shoes. 0 1.1 0.0 1
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6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Breakfast with F rost 10.00 The Hea ven and Earth Show 10.30 World Half Marathon 12.00 Countryfile 12.30 On the Recor d 1.30 EastEnders 3.30 The Blue Planet 4.20 My Famil y 4.50 Points of View 5.05 BBC News; Weather 5.25 Regional News; Weather 5.30 Star for a Night Talent series, with Jane McDonald joined by regular panellists Barbara Windsor and Nigel Martin-Smith. For perhaps the first time ever, I found myself agreeing with Charlotte Raven when she hoped that the events in New York... (Continues on HTV)
6.45 Tweenies 7.25 Pocket Dragon Adventures 7.40 The Lampies 7.50 Gadget Boy 8.15 Flint the Time Detective 8.35 Rugrats 9.05 Hollywood 7 9.30 The S Club Search 9.35 The Cramp Twins 10.00 Kenan and Kel 10.25 Byker Gr ove 11.15 Rex the Runt 11.25 FILM: To Dance with the White Do g If that’s not a coke euphemism I don’t know what is. 1.00 Sunda y Grandstand 1.05 British Superbikes 1.40 Touring Cars 2.30 Olympic Dreams 2.45 Marathon: World Half Marathon 3.25 Rugb y Union 4.15 Football Focus Special 5.15 Scrum V
6.00 GMTV 9.25 How II 9.40 Fetch the Vet 10.00 The Ark 10.30 My F avourite Hymns 11.00 Sunda y Morning 12.00 That's Esther 12.30 The Man in the Van 12.55 HTV News and Weather 1.00 Jonathan Dimbleby 2.00 Remember... 2.30 Pulling P ower 3.00 FILM:The Thomas Cr own Affair 5.00 Your Century: Tenby 5.30 Textured Li ves ...would lead people to lose interest in worthless trivial shit like this. Sadly, this doesn’t appear to have proved the case, hence the fact that Star For A Night hasn’t been removed from the networks yet.
6.10 Pippi Longstocking 6.35 Blue's Clues 7.00 The Hoobs 7.25 Party Animals 7.30 Blunt attp 8.00 The Morning Line 8.30 Popworld 9.25 Model Behaviour 9.55 Model Behaviour 10.25 Holl yoaks 11.55 Rownd a Rownd: Omnibws 12.30 4 Trac 1.00 Y Clwb 2.00 Welsh in a Week 2.25 Channel 4 Racing Featuring the Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe from Longchamp, Paris 5.00 Maniffesto 5.35 Pobol y Cwm Bomb to all the freshers who found Wednesday night Clwb within a week of getting here. Especially the girls.
6.00 Moto GP: Pacific 7.25 Milkshake! 7.30 Tickle, Patch and Friends 8.00 The Beginner's Bible 8.30 Tintin 9.00 The Tribe Has anyone ever seen this? It’s fucked up. I was incredibly hungover in a hotel in Nottingham when I saw it for the first time and I was shit scared. 10.00 Core News 10.05 Mega Babies 10.30 The Big Question 11.00 It's Your Funeral 11.30 The Movie Char t Show 12.00 Wildlife Photographer 12.30 5 News at Lunchtime 12.40 Moto GP: Pacific 2.20 Exclusi ve 3.05 Famil y Affairs Omnibus 5.20 FILM: Hercules and the Lost Kingdom
6.20 Antiques Roadsho w 7.05 Songs of Praise 8.00 Down to Earth 9.00 Trips Money Can't Buy with Ewan McGregor Survival expert Ray Mears takes actor Ewan McGregor deep into the Honduran jungle on the trail of a lost civilisation. This is rather redolent of a Jerry Sadowitz joke to which the punchline is, “You’re scared?I’ve got to go home on my own.” Jerry’s version didn’t involve Ewan McGregor though. 10.00 BBC News; Weather 10.15 Panorama 10.55 FILM:Rules of Obsession With Scott Bakula – “the manfrom Quantum Leap!” exclaims Ford suddenly, lightbulb visibly appearing above her head. 12.40 Joins BBC News 24 We were wondering whether we should cook up some crack to get us through the cold winter nights. We have all the ingredients, we’re just not sure whether it would be worth it or not. What do you think? If you reckon we should play it safe, call the WHITE phone of bodily purity (20781434). But if you reckon that you only live once and we should give it a go, call the RED phone of chemical evil (20781436).
5.55 Wild:The Natural World:The Lost Elephants of Timbuktu 6.45 Some Mothers Do 'A ve 'Em 7.15 Correspondent:The Slave Children Incredibly harrowing-sounding documentary about Africa's modern slave trade. 8.00 FutureWar Even with the latest high-tech weaponry, will the US be tough enough on the ground? Or looking at it another way: once you’ve bombed a random collection of huge rocks into slightly less huge rocks, what the fuck do you do then? 9.00 Raising the Mammoth 9.50 Trade Secrets 10.00 Strumpet 11.15 Rex the Runt 11.25 Rock Profile 11.55 Seinfeld 12.15 Seinfeld 12.40 Ne ver Mind the Buzzcocks Mark Lamarr to the studio audience during filming of NMTB on Tuesday 11: “Come on you miserable fuckers, what’s wrong with you? I know 70,000 (sic) people have just died in New York, but it’s not like it was anyone in your house is it?” Harsh views Marky. 1.10 'orrible 2.00 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 Pop Idol 7.30 Coronation Street Dennis makes Eileen's 40th birthday a day to remember. Fnarr... 8.00 Anybody's Nightmar e 10.00 ITV Weekend News 10.30 The South Bank Show See Preview, you unlovely rabble of philistines. 12.00 The Web Review 12.35 Roar 1.30 Dance 2000 2.20 Trisha 3.25 Cybernet 3.50 Judge Judy 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Ear ly Morning News I can’t think of anything relevant to put in here, so I guess I should extend thanks and shoutouts to relevant homies. Assgrabs to Chris for buying me a pint last night, my cousin for getting me drugs, Jill at Warp for getting me Drukqs (the new Aphex album), buddyhead.com for altering my turn of phrase, whoever informed the world of the gingerbread statue of me (don’t ask), Joe for tolerating my prurience, all the people who send me records, all the people whose houses I’ve fallen asleep in, Billy Mahonie for reading Razzle in the kitchen... erm, a trentfillion others. Winners.
7.30 Pererin Hedd 8.00 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8.30 Llwybrau Paul 9.00 Amdani 9.55 Newyddion News 10.10 FILM:The Usual Suspects 12.15 The Real Mussolini 1.10 WWF Heat 2.00 Under the Knife 2.25 FILM:Buck and the Preacher
7.00 5 News and Spor t 7.30 Motorsport Max 8.00 When Pilots Eject Documentary charting the fascinating history, progression and evolution of the ejection seat... ah look you guys, come on. Don’t tr y to make a Channel 5 disaster documentary sound sober and serious. This sort of thing is the exact thing that I (on behalf of Charlotte Raven) was talking about a few pages ago: TV aimed cynically and directly at dimwits. And seeing as they’ll almost certainly be too pussy to show footage of plane crashes, I can’t see who’s going to watch this. 9.00 FILM:Street Fighter Tongue-in-cheek action adventure based on the popular computer game. Ford: “Haaa!! It’s APPALLING. And it’s in no way tongue-in-cheek – they’re just saying that to justify showing it.” Kylie is in it though. Fighting. Hot, sweaty and hard. BOMB. 11.00 Murder Detecti ves – Case Files: Faces of Tragedy 12.00 Poltergeist: the Legacy 12.50 US Major League Baseball - Li ve 4.00 US Major League Baseball Replay
C H OIC E The S ou t h B ank S ho w HTV, 1 0.3 0pm In which Melvyn Bragg looks back at twentyfive years of The South Bank Show and examines how the arts have been affected by television. The more observant of you will G RiP
CH4.As S4C except:7.30 CatDog 8.00 The Morning Line 8.30 One World 9.00 T4:Blunt a.t.t.p.9.30 Popworld 10.30 Holl yoaks 12.05 FANatic 12.40 Model Behaviour 1.15 Model Behaviour 1.50 Craig David 2.25 5.00 5.05 Star gate SG1 6.00 Scrapheap Challeng e 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Extinct 8.00 Untold - An Indian Affair: Rogue Trader 9.00 Elizabeth: From the Prison to the Palace 10.00 FILM:The Usual Suspects 12.00 WWF Heat 12.55 The Chequered Flag 1.50 Motorsport on 4: TVR Tuscans 2.15 Microsoft Challeng e Trophy 3.10 World Offshor e Powerboating Championship 3.35 World Speedway Grand 4.30 Chef for a Night 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Max Bear 5.55 Max Bear
note that this celebratory bout of televisual autofellatio coincides neatly with Melv letting his acid tongue loose on the state of arts over at the BBC. He has a fair point in this respect. The Beeb, over the last few years, has drastically pruned its output of anything which couldn’t be presented by Jim Davidson or Jamie Theakston. To put it bluntly, your license is
B ob and R ose IT V 9pm
Lost C4 1 0.3 0pm
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being spent on horseshit. But to be honest, this is pretty reflective of the British media in general, and it’s not as if ITV can stand proud on the moral high (art) ground. You imagine the spectre of Lisa Riley appearing behind Bragg and going, “Eee Melvyn, yer’ve gotta fair point there! Eh? Eh?” But The SBS is unquestionably a survivor in its field, so let’s not be unduly churlish. 0 1.1 0.0 1
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If you would like to get in touch with any of the non-sabs, please pop into the nonsab office on the 3rd floor of the union , as the new office hours have not been confirmed as Gair Rhydd went to press.
Every night between 8pm and 8am nightline is just a local telephone call or short walk away. here for information. here to listen. here for you. Tel: 2038 2141 Drop-in: 148 Colum Rd
SHAG OFFICEHOURS: Tuesday 3-5pm and Friday 12-2pm WELSH AFFAIRS OFFICER/ SWYDDOG MATERIONCYMRAEG: Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons 2-5pm. Contact Cerith Spooner on SpoonerC1@Cardiff.ac.uk INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS’ OFFICER : Wednesday afternoons. Contact Minelle Gholami on GholamiM1@Cardiff.ac.uk STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES OFFICER: Monday 2-4pm. Contact Natasha Hirst on HirstN2@Cardiff.ac.uk WOMEN’S OFFICER: Monday and Wednesday afternoons. Contact Sally Cameron Griffiths on Cameron-Griffiths @Cardiff.ac.uk. LGBOFFICER: Wednesday afternoons 25pm, Wednesday afternoons. Contact James Knight on KnightJ2@Cardiff.ac.uk. BLACK AND ETHNIC AFFAIRS OFFICER: Contact Prab Ramkumar on RamkumarP1@Cardiff.ac.uk. MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER: Contact Gareth Hiscocks on HiscocksG@Cardiff.ac.uk. Xpress Station Manager: contact Emma Gait-Carr on StationManager@Xpressradio.co.uk. All officers can be contacted on the third floor of the Students’Union.
Want to talk about sexuality ? Or do you want information about lesbian, gay or bisexual issues? No hassle, no pressure, just a friendly ear. Ring the LGB PHONELINE on 029 2039 8903, Monday, 7.00pm-9.00pm.
ACCOMMOD ATION 4 people looking for 2/3 students to join them in their lovely house 20 mins from university. House has bathroom and separate shower room, kitchen/sitting room, washer/dryer. All rooms have double beds, TV, internet. Rent £190pcm. Call Sinead on 07887 684446.
goes on in our legendary media penthouse, or just come in and say hello. We won’t bite, honestly. Apart from Noel, but we keep him in a cage in the corner.
MISCELLANEOUS Freshers welcomed to Welsh capital onl y to find that does actually rain a lot and Uni Hall is too far a way. Gutted. Honestly, Cardiff is really a lovely city. Take a bus tour. Go to the museum. Go to the bay and smell the dead fish. We love it here really. GR has to point out that the bin days in Cardiff ar e WEDNESDAYS, so don’t put out your cheapo plastic bags befor e then or they’ll get ripped open by the local cat. And make a mess. The bin bags in our house were out the front so long that maggots started gr owing in them.It was like a scene from Alien.Pity the poor dustmen.
WANTED
New Charity: BMA (Bin Man Aid) – give money to help the refuse collectors who have to dispose of scabby student rubbish. Will go to help the buy more fags and a new Sky card to keep the sports on their telly screens. Donations to the usual GR address.
Enthusiastic people to write for awardwinning student newspaper, with the perks of pizza, booze and witty conversation. You don’t need to be compute literate or even literate as full training is given, but being able to read and write is a bonus. Come along to our welcome party in Solus on Monday 1 October to find out what
This week, the Gair Rhydd staff will mostly be listening to Right Said F red, The Strokes and the sound of fresher s puking on the union steps.Before you’ re sick,come to the office and tell us so w e can take a picture of the aftermath of crazy freshers antics. It’s just because we’re jealous.
Room avaliable, suit postgrad female , £200. All mod cons. Own sink. Lisvane Street. Tel 029 20669037.
From Monday 1st October From 7pm in the
Tafarn Make sure you don’t miss
this very special offer!!
www.cardiffstudents.com G RiP
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Monday - Saturday Sunday
11.00am - 1.00am 7.00pm - 10.30pm 0 1.1 0.0 1
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gair rhydd,Monday 01 October 2001
The ultimate in...
WIN! A new kitchen toy for your domestic pleasure!
Slice of life N
OTHING SITS more comfortably on the arteries than a nice greasy slice of cheese on toast. But how many times have we floated into the kitchen, eyes and brain fogged by suspicious discounted ale, only to find that the once handsome grill pan has grown a crusty exoskeleton of congealed fat and cheesy remnants? Thankfully there’s finally a way for us to enjoy a succulent cheese toastie without the backbreaking work of washing up. For we’re giving away a clutch of SIX Toast and Grill sandwich toasters, courtesy of Morphy R i c h a r d s . These really are a terrific piece of engineering. For a start they’re streamlined like a
sandwich toaster should be, allowing for ease of functioning even in high winds. They can tackle up to two sandwiches at a time, so even the greediest bloater can be sated at a single sitting. But there is one feature which makes the Toast and Grill stand out in this highly competitive market. If you manage to exhaust the possibilities afforded by the Toast and Grill’s standard toastie-making function, there is an awesome Transformerlike feature built in. These babies can be converted in moments into a working grill, allowing you to professionally sear prime cuts of meat or fish right there in your kitchen. That they usually retail at £27.99 is sheer madness: – with just one of these
within my grasp I could reduce the entire catering industry to ruins within the week. Imagine the slackjawed jealousy of your friends as they witness you serving up a traditional Welsh barbecue in the middle of winter. In your pyjamas! I will allow six of these beauties to slip through my miserly grasp if, and only if, I judge your answer to this question worthy of my attention: What fillings would be in your dream toastie? Send your answers to the usual GR address (see box below) and you too could be the proud owner of this very useful white good. Or I’ll keep it for myself.
DISCO STU, he of Saturday Night piss-up fame, is a man of great wit and subtlety, which you will appreciate if you choose to frequent any of his Porn Star parties, one of which will be happening on Saturday 6 October. To celebrate this special event, Stu had decided to give a pair of tickets away and Disco Stu t-shirts to to the 4 smuttiest students in Cardiff. All you have to do is think up some rude film titles, as Stu himself has so gleefully done to your right. Jurassic Pork, Saturday Night Beaver, Look Who’s Porking, they’re all immensely
funny but not very original. We’re sure that you can do better, so the 4 best crude movies titles to land
on the GR doormat will win entry to the Porn Star party and untold pervy exploits.
Get
yourself some
Credit
For improving your English
SE1287 Academic Writing 1 SE1289 Oral Skills 1 Single modules (10 credits each) designed to help non-native users of English to improve the quality of their academic written work and their oral participation and presentation skills. Consideration will be given to the different functions of writing and speaking together with techniques for self-improvement.
gair rhydd Drop your answers in to the Gair Rhydd office on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union. Or you can send them to: Gair Rhydd, Cardiff University Students’ Union, Park Place, Cardiff, CF10 3QN Alternatively, e-mail your answers and contact details to: ssugr1@cardiff.ac.uk Win this stuff or I’ll have to keep it for myself. I need those answers by Thursday, kids.
Academic Writing Wednesdays, from 3rd October, 2-4pm, Room 0.01, Humanities Oral Skills Thursdays, from 4th October 1-3pm, Room X2.04, Humanities NB Remember you are not allowed to exceed a total of 80 credits for modules in any one semester. If necessary, consult your personal tutor. Anyone from any faculty/department can enrol. You do so by obtaining a form from the Centre for Language & Communication, Room 3.25. Humanities: or turn up at the first meeting. For further information, please contact Dr Christine Pegg, Room 3.30, Humanities.
F o c us
Most Wanted
Just picked up your fist issue of gair rhydd? Confused? Becky Pash is here to introduce you to one of the most active societies in the union and tell you how to get your work in print
Y
ES, ITS that time of year again. Freshers’ Week frenzy has beset us once again and it seems there is no escaping the barrage of freebies, flye rs , invitations and ‘special’offers that are thrust in your face and stuffed in your letterbo xes. There is no where to hide and there is no denying it… fr eshers, you are seriously hot property right now and although you might feel like you’ re being pulled in a zillion differ ent directions at once, submerging yourself into student life is without doubt the best w ay to handle these first couple of whir lwind weeks. However, whilst lapping up this new ‘most wanted’status, most are probably finding freshers week hard on the pocket. Like most things, money (converted into pints) is what fuels freshers’ week and the harsh reality is that the freebies and flyers are all an attempt at persuading you to part with your cash. What with fresh overdrafts and loans and a generally up for it attitude, students are amongst the most lucrative customers at this time of year. Quite a sob story I know, which is why I’m going to set about trying to suck you in and not your cash. If you’ve got this far and are actually
Gair Rhydd is lucky enough to be one of the best funded and technically equipped student newspapers in the country
reading this article then welcome to gair rhydd and congratulations, you’ve just reached the hub of student life and the heartbeat of the student community in Cardiff. Each week a team of hard working students strive to bring you this paper full of news, views and reviews so that you get the low-down on what matters to students in Cardiff, Wales, Britain and the world over. You’re reading this so you obviously care about what is going on out there but why not go one step further and do your part for the good of the student community. Why not write for gair r hy d d? For starters it’s not going to cost you a penny. What we ask of you is simply a bit of time to put pen to paper (or in this day and age preferably finger to keyboard). Other than that there’s no commitment and the effort involved is as minimal as you want it to be. The paper is produced between Monday and Thursday each week in order to be printed, distributed and ready to read for the following Monday. Every Monday and Wednesday there are meetings held so that the various section editors can let you know what needs to be done for that week’s paper. You don’t necessarily have to write something every week and it is also possible take several weeks to write a piece. Writing for gair rhydd is in no way going to hinder the opportunity to spend long hours socialising or putting the world to rights in the pub. In fact it is the perfect chance to do just that. This year we are determined that the gair rhydd team will get together for socials just like any other society. So, like almost everything at university, writing for gair rhydd is just another good excuse to get sloshed, dig out that dodgy costume and take part in some more downright indecent behaviour. As for putting the world to rights we hope that will be left to the contents of the paper because above all gair rhydd exists as the voice-piece for you to share your news and vent your views. As a student newspaper, gair rhydd is sure to accommodate whatever you may be passionate about whether it fall under news, features, arts, music, books, reviews or sport. Don’t worry if your not a budding journalist or if English was
THE GR CREW: Hard at work
never your strongest point because we do try to print as wide a range of subject matter and styles possible. The best thing is to start writing and you’ll probably surprise yourself. It might only be a student newspaper but it honestly does feel good to see your work in print and hey, it‘s a great something to dig out and wave in front of your parents’ noses on your return home. They’re sure to be dead proud of you and it will also help convince them that you really don’t spend all your time in the pub. And it’s not only your parents you want to convince of this. If nothing else, writing for gair rhydd is something you can put on your C.V. that will help display the fact that you didn’t do squat for three years. We all know that the real world of careers, salaries and bills is a pretty scary place and it doesn’t help that when you leave university you’re just one of millions of people climbing the same ladder. So it obviously helps to have a little something to set you apart from the rest of the piss idle student population. Writing articles is obvious evidence of this but gair rhydd also offers the opportunity to get far more involved, which is particularly a good idea for anyone wanting a career in the media. Gair rhydd is lucky enough to be one of the best funded and most technically equipped student newspapers in the country. The home of gair rhydd, on the top floor of the students union comes complete with computers all featuring
the latest software used in the newspaper industry as well as scanners and a digital camera. Writing an article and submitting it on disk is great but we would also love more people to get involved at the production level. This year gair rhydd has a far larger budget available for training and so we will be offering a whole series of training sessions so that people can become familiar with the computers and software we use. With this training, people can be responsible for the whole production of their article, from writing it to laying it out on the page. The office is a fun and lively place to work but believe it or not there’s more. I only need mention the pinnacle of the gair rhydd calendar – the prestigious
annual media awards which is yet another excuse for getting trollied and patting yourself and your friends on the back. gair rhydd has also just been nominated in two categories in the Guardian Student Media Awards, so I don’t think I need go on detailing the whole host of rewarding perks that are all part of working for this invaluable university institution. Sucked you in yet? Well if so, then feel free to either come to the meetings, waltz on up to the gair rhydd office on the top floor of the union (no knocking, the door is always open and you’re presence always welcomed) or even better make sure you’re at the Gair Rhydd welcome party on Monday 1October in Solus. We want you. Need I say more!
Meeting T imes Meetings are held on the top floor of the union in the Gair Rhydd office.
Monday
Wednesday
1.15pm News Sport Features
1.30pm News Update 2.15pm GRiP
The gair rhydd Welcome Party Monday 1 October 6.30pm in Solus
FocusFocusFocus INSIDE FOCUS THIS WEEK: A guide to getting the most out of your NUS card • Tips on how to create a home away from home on a budget• • The lowdown on the Students Union Council and what it’s up to • Dolls do Dirty Dancing • Bizarre laws of the land
Gair Rhydd Monday 1 October 2001
22 • Focus
gair rhydd 2001-2002
Was brought to you by... Editor Sarah Hodson GRiP Editor Princess of Albania News James Bladon and Lydia Kirby Sport Michael Pearlman and Tristan Thomas Focus Ed Holmes, Becky Pash and Charlotte Spratt Books David Gates Arts LaDonna Hall and Lizzie Brown Music Gemma Curtis and Maria Lane Film Jonathan Steven Games James Morley and Chris Faires Get There Noel Gardner Comment Sian Birch Blagging Matt Harvey Television Charlotte Martyn and Noel Gardner Designers Some lovely guys and gals we don’t know yet Star Photographer Mike Parsons Executive Committee Neil Krajewski, Pauline Cheung, Natasha Hettinewa, Wedding Girl and Fifth Person Contributors Rhiannon Davies, Fran Pattison, Mark Cobley, Andy Parsons, Chris Evans, Steven Bailey, Nabil Hassan, Hannah Whitby, Justin Gyphion, Pat McCaren, James Knight, James Sommerville, Kathy Wilshire, Luke Holland, Matthew George and Caz Noyes. Special Thanks Big thank-you to everyone who helped out during this busy week, especially to Lizzie, LaDonna, Ed and Jonathan for manning the freshers stall, and Ford and Noel for eternally coming up trumps when they no longer have any ties to this God forsaken place. Cheers! Want your name to join this list? Come to our welcome meting in Solus on Monday 1 October at 6.30pm. See you there!
Use Your NUS With student debts getting larger, every year, Hannah Whitb y checks out how to save your pennies using the ever valuable, and completely free, NUS card.
E
VERY STUDENT presupposes a certain amount of impoverishment will occur during uni versity life; howev er, no one can predict quite how penniless it is possible to become . When you turn completel y anal about that fifty pence you lent y our flatmate , or the slice of bread they owe you after last nights munchies, it is time to milk the NUS card for e very penn y it is worth. Basically the essential rule is: take your NUS card everywhere with you and give it a flash every time you hand over some cash; then hope there is a sympathetic discount as a result. No matter how small the discount, it is incredibly useful and satisfying to receive. Cardiff is bursting with ways to save your pennies, so take on board some of these helpful tips. No doubt your initial supplies courtesy of your parents are running out, so a trip to Tesco or any supermarket is necessary. Get a Clubcard and clock up some money off vouchers; also do the obvious and head for the bulk buys, nearly out of date products and it is Value blue stripes all the way – you will never look back. If takeaways are your thing then head towards Crwys Road or City Road for a cheap takeout feast. Alternatively, when walking is completely pissing you off, get the likes of Domino’s Pizza, Prima Pizza or Perfect Pizza to deliver free to your halls. Remember there will be a minimum order for this service so you either have to be a complete pie-muncher or get a group to buy together. Clothes will undoubtedly take a huge chunk out of your loan, but there is no need to compromise on style, so go on a mission to get that Diesel jacket but with a 10% discount. Getting to know which shops
Contact us Address Gair Rhydd Cardiff University Students’ Union Park Place Cardiff CF10 3QN Telephone Editorial – (029) 20781434/436 Advertising – (029) 20781416 E-mail ssugr1@cf.ac.uk Visitors Find us on the 4th floor of the Students’ Union
The essential rule is to take your NUS card everywhere with you
offer discounts is very handy. Topshop/Topman, Freespirit, Mambo, Envy, Quiksilver, Buzz and Benetton all give NUS discounts. Virgin and HMV allow you to stock up your essential music supply for discounted prices; while the camping shops Blacks and YHA cater for your summer festival plans. Also, make sure you pick up a Snapfax for more one-off money saving offers. Don’t get stung when buying your computers, stereos and toasters, as Currys are offering NUS discounts on student essentials. You will find really good deals on many electrical goods so take time to research, and don’t settle for the first thing you find. Going out on the lash is, with very few exceptions, most people’s priority at uni, and will probably be the biggest drain on your bank balance. But here at gair rhydd, we don’t believe that students should have to compromise their welldeserved drinking time and budget when it comes to alcohol. There are always deals at Tesco and other supermarkets as well as Threshers on Woodville Road and numerous other off licences. Pubs around the union tend to be far cheaper than drinking establishments in town. It may be worth investing in a yellow card if you are going to be drinking in the ‘It’s a Scream’ pub chain (The Woodville and The George). For a meagre pound or two, you can save money each time you buy a drink there. Student nights at clubs are a great budget idea with lower entrance costs and really good deals on drinks. However, remember that the Union is incredibly cheap and cheerful, and you can pick up a free Budweiser Card from the finance office, which works similarly to a Tesco clubcard. There’s never been a better excuse to get down the Taf than to top up points and get free drinks in return – genius! There are alternative forms of entertainment that are also NUS friendly. If you can get over the handsome shoes, the Megabowl on Newport Road have deals for students: a game of tenpin bowling is £1.50 as is a drink or a burger. Cinemas are good for NUS discounts on weekdays. Choose from the UCI cinema at the Bay, which is a bit more expensive, or the two new cinemas in town, the UGC on Mary Ann Street and one near the Stadium. Public transport can be very expensive especially when visiting friends and family
NUS CARD: Don’t hide your face, get out on the town and take advantage of student discounts. Alternatively, pretend to be in the FBI. Hours of fun. Guaranteed...
around Britain, so it is an amazingly wise idea to get a Young Person’s Railcard that gets you a third off train fares. Also it is cheaper to book tickets in advance, and can be cheaper still if you arrange set times to travel. The Student Union Travel Shop is convenient to arrange travel, book tickets and get advice. Also using the National Express can cut costs, especially for short journeys. It is incredibly important to sort out healthcare once at uni because going to the dentist becomes increasingly painful when it costs you £30. Fill out an NHS HC1 form, which you can pick up from the Student Advice Centre, your doctor, dentist or optician. It is a beast of a form but wo rt h persevering with to get free health care. One final point of concern is
the purchase of books. Once you have tried everything in your power to avoid actually buying the books on your reading list, and that has failed, head to second hand book shops for the biggest bargains. Choose from Land of Green Ginger on Salisbury Road or Albany Books on Albany Road. You can in most cases buy course books from Blackwells in the Union and sell them back at the end of the year for vouchers or a bit of cash. There should also be some second hand books in Blackwells up for grabs. Clearly, there are many cheap perks to keep us students looking smart, drinking plenty, reading our course books and eating food of some description at uni. So, there is no need to let money worries rule your life if you make the most out of your NUS card.
gair rhydd’s top 5 mone y saving hints 1. Fill out a HC1 for m to get cheaper prescriptions 2. ALWA YS buy second hand books – even if they smell 3. Never get the train home unless you can get Young Persons discount. Otherwise, get your parents to pa y 4. Only go to a cinema that does an NUS discount. 5. Don’t go out. Ever . *except for going to the gair rhydd welcome party in Solus on Monday 1st October at 6.30pm that is. Because we’ll allow that
Gair Rhydd Monday 1 October 2001
Think there’s no place like home? Charlotte Spratt tells you how to turn your new student room into a palace of style
LLEWELLYN-BOWEN : Would you take style advice from a man with hair like this?
Changing rooms on a student budget
M
OVING INT O your new room in halls or student house can seem akin to entering a prison cell or hospital bedr oom. Grey walls, bare sa ve for a lonely mattress and broken desk, this will be your home from home for the best part of a whole year . What to do? How to make it into a palace of luxury which will instantly express to all who dar e enter, your wit, style and flair? Never fear, it won’t take much more time or effort than flinging a few dirty socks around the place to make it seem like a natural abode for some of us. For the more style conscious, this may not do. However, it is relatively cheap and easy to obtain a comfortable, attractive room without carving up the furniture, varnishing it or adding MDF à la Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen. Paragons of style such as IKEA, Next and Habitat will easily provide the essentials at a fairly reasonable price. Equally, Hyper-Value and most DIY stores will have most of the basics but at more studentorientated prices. The easiest way to brighten up a dull room in halls is to plaster the walls in posters of pin-ups, cult figures and cartoon characters doing disgusting things with vegetables. Shops such as HMV provide ridiculously overpriced posters (about £6), so it’s worth holding out for the posters sales in the Union. Usually over the first few weeks of term, they will be well advertised around the campus and are a good opportunity to pick up prints of Monet, Kermit the Frog, James Dean etc, as well as the inevitable Student Crossing sign posters. The ever-useful union also holds plant sales. A tasteful spider plant or two on your windowsill can brighten up even the starkest cell. This is, of course, on the condition that you know how to look after it. Watering it once every term will probably not ensure its survival, and a dead plant just doesn’t have quite the same effect. Artificial flowers, on the other hand, are a low-maintenance way of getting the same effect, but tend to be a bit expensive if they look real. Mirrors give a room the appearance of space and light. Hyper-Value do a huge pine framed mirror for £19. Using freestanding lamps and changing the lampshade can make a world of difference to the feel of a room. A small work lamp will provide a subtle, romantic light; a good alternative to harsh strip lighting. Candles, although not officially allowed in halls and most
L
ast Friday, nominations for SUC (Student’s Union Council) opened and will run until Friday 5 October. But what is this mysterious council? SUC is the governing body of the union and therefore has the capacity to decide on all matters of union policy, such as the bilingual policy and the Nestle ban. Currently, both Welsh and English have to be given equal priority in the union therefore any promotional material has to be displayed in both languages. SUC has also banned the sale of Nestle products within the union. The company, which produces
many popular products including coffee, Lyon’s Maid Ice cream, cereals such as Shreddies, mineral waters, cosmetics, some Tesco and Co-op products, processed food and chocolate, is believed by SUC to violate the International Code of Marketing Breastmilk Substitutes. SUC believes that Nestle attempts to p o rt r ay its breastmilk substitute products as an ideal alternative in the translations on products exported to third world countries. Mothers over dilute the powder as they don’t understand the instructions or try to make it last longer due to it’s expense
Sticking to one or two colours will make your room look smarter, bigger bigger and more restful houses, give a room a cosy feel. Even left unlit as decoration, they can add an air of sophistication. Buy chunky, fat ones for a cool look, scented ones for relaxation, and tall, elegant candles for a bit of class. Sticking to one or two colours will make your room look smarter, appear bigger and make it more restful than having a mish-mash of colours and patterns. If possible, co-ordinate the curtain, carpet, wall and bed linen colours. Pale, neutral colours maximise a sense of space and you can always brighten up dull colours with a brightlycoloured cushion or two or even a rug. Often it’s worth investing in a few choice accessories to improve the look of a budget room. A nicely framed print can conceal cracks on a wall, a bed throw can cover a cheap or gaudy duvet cover, stylish boxes can hide away knick-knacks and prevent the clutter that can spoil the look of a room. If your room is small, stick to simple colours and keep it as clutter-free as possible. Concentrate on storage and space saving ideas such as storage under the bed, on top of wardrobes and storage boxes. Hanging up hooks and rails is another good space saving idea. If, on the other hand, you have the good fortune to have a huge room, keep it cosy with cushions, beanbag, rugs and soft lighting. Whatever it looks like when you first arrive, chances are you’ll love it’s damp walls, funny smell and dark corners after a few weeks. Get individual and rock on down to your favourite weird shop to pick up decorations and kooky pictures. Within days, you’ll have your very own personalised palace.
Best Budget Buys Wavy CD rack £3 HyperValue Mil Work Lamp £7.50 IKEA (Bristol) Osaki small table lamp £7 Habitat (Town Centre) DANA storage box and lid £4.50 IKEA
SUC it and see Want practice in running your multi-million pound rival to Microsoft? SUC could just help...
Focus • 23
after the free samples their babies were weaned on ran out. In places where clean drinking water is not available, a bottle-fed baby is 25 times more likely to die of diarrhoea than a breastfed baby. Instead of promoting this, Nestle’s unethical marketing places more emphasis on profits than life. In an attempt to push Nestle to reconsider its practices, which also includes misdemeanours over powdered baby milk in Europe, the 1999-2000 SUC chose to boycott Nestle and its subsidiary companies. It is in actions like this that the council, representing one of the largest student unions in the country, gives students a real chance to make a difference, both within the university and nationally. SUC is also the organisation that holds the executive officers to account and it makes sure that the union runs
Row of 4 hook s £4.49 Great Mills (Caerphilly) Cotton Bed Throw £10 Hyper Value DEKAD clock £8 IKEA Linen Laundry Bask et £12 Argos
Artificial Flower s £various (Capitol Centre) Six Scents candles in glass holder £ 3.50 Habitat Cool postcards and trinkets £various Nice (High Street Arcade)
smoothly. Which all seems very grown-up and boring but it is actually made up entirely of students – the sabbatical and non-sabbatical officers and members of each department, hall of residence and liberation campaign – Welsh Affairs, Black and Ethnic Affairs, etc. So there is always someone promoting your interests at SUC. The big cheese responsible for SUC is the Societies and Union Secretary, James Sommerville. Keen to promote the work of the council he believes “SUC might sound a bit daunting but it’s actually pretty relaxed and a good After being dumped for SUC, Barry went home forum for debate.” and cried for three weeks. Bitch... Held every other Monday and with meetings lasting about an someone cares about the issues hour, SUC is a good opportunity to get affecting students and this Union then involved with the union and something SUC is the best way to make your voice heard.” to add to the all-important CV. “Anyone can put themselves forward Information packs with nomination to sit and because there’s room for so forms are av aila ble until 5pm on many students, actual elections to th Frida y from Union reception and Council are not often necessary. If the 3rd Floor General Off ice.
S o cie t y S c e n e ● 2 5
gair rhydd,Monday 1 October 2001
Society Scene News from the Society Circuit
One Mission: The next big thing? by Pat McCaren
T
HE ARSENAL of new knitwear in H & M indicates that a torrent of frisky students will soon be slinging hormones at each other to celebrate the star t of a new academic year . Of course university isn’t just about pulling, that’ s why there’s oodles of societies for you to indulge in, including One Mission - a name you’ll remember long after you’ ve graduated. For 3 years, Cardiff University’s Dance Music Society, under its One Mission moniker, has been hauling in students who prefer their after hours soundtrack to be fourto-the-floor rather than fall-to-the-floor a la Jive Hive. Tucked away in Seren Las, One Mission have hosted some of the most dazzling DJs on the circuit, playing out the
finest drum ‘n’bass, house, techno, old skool and more to a crowd of passionate party people. Fully aware that not everyone’s feet are dancing to the same beat, the society has open ears to match their open door policy, welcoming ideas from anyone and everyone whatever their shape or size – One Mission wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for people letting their imaginations run wild. The next 12 months are going to be One Mission’s most frantic yet as they bring music to the masses by sticking their fingers in as many different pies as possible. Things are going to be done differently this year, with each party evolving from one before it, based on what your response to it is. At every party the nucleus of the DJ line up will come from within the One Mission fraternity because it’s all about nurturing up-andcoming talent whether you’re a DJ, promoter, producer, designer, or punter.
Cough
ABOVE: Party goers enjoying the funky beats RIGHT: The smell of success becomes overpowering
Urban Shakedown on October 11 kicks off the new season, with drum n bass as the weapon of choice as local dons High Contrast and Enzo headline 4 hours of impeccable d n b – you’d be a fool to miss them. Then on October 25 the first of One Mission’s new signings comes into the fray as Resonance serves up sublime house music with a funky edge, setting out the intention of the society to offer something fresh and innovative. Heads have been put together to come up with plans for a hip hop and breaks night, the first of its kind in a coming together of all that is hip hop, as well as lining up techno and progressive shenanigans for the purists. When they’re not in Seren Las, One Mission will be flirting with Cardiff’s big guns, hosting rooms at Solus for super-club Time Flies’monthly residency, and holding session in the Tunnel Bar at Enter The Dragon on Queen Street, providing a public showcase that the society has previously been unable to do. Residencies at the End on Saturday nights, a chill-out/recovery session on Sundays at Café Calcio, and events at
Talybont Social means there’s always the need for new blood, so starting this year, One Mission will run an open decks night at Fun Factory for budding spinners - the perfect place to begin your heady DJ career. With support from Cardiff ’s biggest clubs, as well as local media and record shops, One Mission has the backing of those in the know. Perhaps they’re trying to tell you something...
CONTACT DETAILS onemission@cf.ac.uk or Tel: 07967 276214 (Pat)
A gay old time by James Knight Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Officer
Do you have some time to spare? If you are suffering from a cough please come and see us. You may be able to help us with our research. Expenses will be given for those who participate in the trial.
☎
Freephone 0500 655398
Common Cold Centre
Cardiff School of Biosciences, Off Park Place, near the Tower Block Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm
THE LONDON Gas Board? A Society? Thankfully not.The Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual society does exactly what it says on the tin. The society performs a number of roles for any students wishing to join. First, a bit of good news – it’s free! To join the society, all you have to do is come along to one of our meetings. Because the Union recognises that Coming Out is a sensitive issue, the society doesn’t keep a list of the names and college numbers of its members, basically to protect the identities of the individuals concerned. Because of this, neither the Dean of Students or the President of the Union can determine who is, or isn’t a member of the society. The society has a dual role. For those who are comfortable enough, it is a social forum where LGB students can meet in safety and anonymity. There is no pressure to be anything other than yourself. Most nights, a meeting will be followed by a night on the Scene. Again, there is no pressure to participate in this, but the option is there to take. By going out on the Scene, you get to know where the places are gay or gay friendly. You get to go along with a group of people who are in a similar situation to yourself, and don’t have to go out on your own. You also
have a certain amount of security, as you know what and what not to do. For example, you should never leave a gay club on your own. The second side of the society is a support network for its members. There are men’s and women’s officers, each equipped to answer you gender-specific questions. Usually, society members help to run the LGB phoneline, which is open form 7.30pm to 9.30pm every Monday night, and is a confidential listening service that can offer sexual health advice, as well as advice on Coming Out and how to deal with homophobia. The first LGB meeting will be held on Wednesday 10 October in meeting room 3 on the 4th floor of the Union at 8pm. As Monday 8 October is National Coming Out Day, there will be a mixed night in Seren Las on Saturday 13 October. This is going to be a great opportunity, as it is the Union’s first mixed night. Look out for Macho! If you have any questions, e-mail me at anytime or drop into the Union at any time – I practically live there!
CONTACT DETAILS E-mail: KnightJ2@cardiff.ac.uk or Tel: 02920 398903
You buy our books and we’ll
BUY t hem back!
Just return yo ur books and we’ll give you up to
5 0% back in vouchers. Books m ust be in re-saleable condition. Yo u must have a valid receipt and yourstudent ID. See in-store for details. The manager’s decision is final. Offer valid for books bought in S ept/ Oct 2 00 1 for b uyb ack in M ay/ June 2002 .
*Printer model Xerox760. (Offer price £74.99 current selling price £139.99). Offer only open to students at UWC. Must show student ID, valid between 24th September + 14 October. While stocks last/Picture for illustration only.
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gair rhydd,Monday 1 October 2001
Sparky fails to ignite the Welsh WELSH FOOTBALL Tristan Thomas THE WELSH Football team took another nosedive this summer, as they failed to qualify for a major competition yet again. They now sit second bottom of the group with no wins. Often looking shaky in defence and lacking imagination in central midfield, Wales were always likely to rely upon the wing play of Giggs and Bellamy and the aerial prowess of Hartson. Unfortunately, whilst these players offered glimpses of there undoubted talent, they rarely offered much penetration against the well-organised defences of the Ukraine, Norway and Poland. Players who often excel for their club sides failed to step up to the highest level, perhaps because very few play in the Premiership. Especially in defence, Wales were found lacking. Chris Coleman’s absence was unfortunate and Wales were unable to plug the
gap effectively. With over half of the Welsh squad selected from outside of the Premier League or not holding down a regular birth in their club side, it makes it very difficult to play against professionals who compete regularly in the strongest leagues in Europe, as well as the Champions League. Wales can only boast Ryan Giggs in this bracket and he often seems to try to carry the team, a tactic that often proves counterproductive. Especially as his attendance record still leaves a lot to be desired. Against Armenia Wales posted an abysmal goaless draw against a poor side who prop up their Qualifying group. The Welsh fans only managed to fill a quarter of the Millennium stadium clocking up a worrying 18, 600 in a stadium which holds eighty thousands. Hughes claimed after the match, “I still think we are going in the right direction, we are a much harder team to beat, we are organised and we have drawn six of
our eight games. Against very good Eastern European sides away from home, we have been splendid”. However, Wales were in for more disappointment four days later in Norway. Despite leading twice, the Welsh struggled to contain the impressive Norwegian forwards. The much-maligned Robbie Savage and the in-form Craig Bellamy scored for Wales, but to no avail as Norway fought back to win 3-2. The pressure is mounting for Mark Hughes, though it is difficult to blame the manager when he has so few world-class players to pick from. However, the home form of the national side must now be a major headache for the Welsh FA. The Welsh support still awaits a win in the Millennium Stadium, a statistic that grows more ominous with each impotent performance. They next have an opportunity to break their duck against Belarus on October 6, although Belarus are a side who still have much to play for.
TOP LEFT: Welsh gloom as the national team continues to slump in form BELOW: Mark Hughes, unquestionably a fine player for Wales, is coming under increased scrutiny as a manager.
(Local and National Volunteering on offer)
Tuesday 2nd October 6-9.00pm Great Hall, Student Union
Prize Draw, Giveaways Reduced Book Prizes
S por t ● 2 9
gair rhydd,Monday 1 October 2001
Terriers snatch win to end home record BLUEBIRDS CHECK CARDIFF CITY HUDDERSFIELD
1 2
Nabil Hassan from Ninian Park
CARDIFF CITY’S mixed start to the season continued last week with two disappointing defeats on the trot. The two fixtures provided the Bluebirds with an opportunity to test themselves against the two teams that were last year relegated from the First Division; however, all it proved was that City are still far from being a polished outfit. Huddersfield were the visitors last Saturday where expectations were high amongst the 12,000 strong Bluebirds faithful who had come to watch new boy Peter Thorne for the first time. Thorne was signed for £1.8 million from Stoke amid a blaze of publicity and he did not disappoint the Ninian Park crowd with an impressive goal after only five minutes. Paul Brayson, who was being
deployed as a winger, beat several men with a mazy run down the right hand side. His cross was met perfectly by Thorne who sailed a header over the despairing dive of Huddersfield keeper Martyn Margetson, into the top corner of the net, to give City the lead. Cardiff should have built on this lead but their tactical shortcomings came back to haunt them. After some sustained Huddersf ield pressure which resulted in several fine saves by City keeper Neil Alexander the Bluebird’s defence finally cracked after 17 minutes. Dwayne Mattis latched onto a poor City clearance to fire a superb half volley into the back of the net from ten yards out. Huddersfield had further opportunities to take the lead and City could count them selves lucky to be going into half-time level. Huddersfield continued their pressure on the City defence early in the second half and deservedly took the lead on 56 minutes. Neil Alexander spilled an easy catch from a Town corner and Danny Schofield was in place to fire what proved to be the match winner. Cardiff City had not lost a home game in any competition for over 16 months and with this proud record at stake they went all out for the equaliser.
However, for all their intense pressure the ball just would not go City’s way and they never really looked like getting back in the game. With this defeat in mind City had a great opportunity to redeem themselves with a midweek fixture against Loftus Road outfit Queens Park Rangers. Cardiff again took the lead with skipper Graham Kavanagh coolly slotting home his place kick after Peter Thorne was fouled in the area on 38 minutes. City looked in control and thoroughly deserved their halftime lead. However, as has so often been the case though this season, Cardiff lost concentration at a key stage in the match. First Rhys Weston lost Rangers striker Andy Thompson leaving Michael Simpkins with no choice but to haul the striker down for a penalty, which he duly dispatched. Then just five minutes later Graham Kavangh let Thompson beat him – two quick passes were exchanged and Thomson hit a superb shot across goal which looped over the helpless Neil Alexander. With City two-one down the game was partially stopped for five minutes after the Bluebirds ‘fans’ lobbed several bottles of Carlsberg onto the pitch amid chant’s of
PAUL BRAYSON: Created opening Thorpe goal
‘Cork Out’. The break did not help City and despite constant pressure they failed to notch up the equaliser. The defeat left City lying in 14th position in Division Two and increased the pressure on City
manager Alan Cork to review his long-ball tactics that worked so well last season but just doesn’t seem to work this term. Otherwise, the managerial axe may be wielded once again by another of the Welsh based clubs.
Mixed fortunes for Glamorgan GLAMORGAN C.C.C
Tristan Thomas
CROFTY: Becoming a perennial underachiever
IT PROVED a mixed season for Glamorgan County Cricket Club as they won promotion from the Norwich Union League Division Two, but lost all five matches in the Benson and Hedges Cup group stages. Glamorgan were also relegated from the CricInfo Championship Division One. Expectations were high pre-season, as Glamorgan looked forward to the new term with a crop of talented players and an impressive team spirit. However, the season started particularly badly with Glamorgan failing to win their first eight matches, including all five one day games. Darren Thomas typified a team who’s confidence plumeted during the opening weeks of the season, with a series of disappointing performances. Unfortunately morale appeared to dip, and the Benson and Hedges tournament proved disastrous. The second half of the season showed Glamorgan in a better light as they performed well in the Norwich Union League Division Two, winning 11 from 16 and opening up a significant lead over their rivals. They clinched promotion comfortably to soften the blow dealt by their relegation from the CricInfo Championship. Glamorgan’s form in the CricInfo league was hampered by batting which lacked depth and bowling which didn’t penetrate.
Maher averaged a respectable 53.95 and Dale and James also offered solid performances. However, any semblance of hope provided by individual performances was all to often dashed by poor bowling. The best performer, Wharf, a tall and languid seam bowler, only managed a wicket every 32 runs. England hopeful Robert Croft could only manage a disappointing 39.84 runs for each wicket taken, making an absolute mockery of his continued England inclusion. Indeed, Dean Cosker had a far more consistent season with the ball, however, his brand of slow left arm spin failed to bring the success it deserved. Furthermore, word began to spread that clashes existed within the club, between those who enjoyed the extravagances established by Matthew Maynard, and supporters of the more stringent regime introduced by his successor as captain, Steve James. Surprisingly, Alex Warf, Glamorgan’s most effective bowler was dropped from the side, leading to suggestions that he had disagreed with his captain. Worse was to follow as Geoff Hammond, an accomplished coach, left the club. Mike Powell, a commanding and forceful batsman, is one who must do better next season, as he falls far too frequently in the 20’s and 30’s.
Another who must improve is Adrian Shaw, who must improve with the bat to keep his wicket-keeping slot from the clutches of promising youngster Mark Wallace. Glamorgan will hope for much more stability next season and an improvement in their one day game as they try to consolidate promotion in the Norwich Union League. They will have to do this without the services of stalwart Steve Watkin, who retires from the first class game in order to take up a role with the Welsh Cricket academy.
POWELL: More will be expected next season
Sport
GLAMORGAN: A season review from Sofia Gardens
Gair Rhydd
PLUS: Welsh football woe Free Word 699
Monday 1 October 2001
Swansea kicked into touch RUGBY UNION CARDIFF SWANSEA
Nabil Hassan
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CARDIFF DESERVEDLY beat arch-rivals Swansea in a torrid match that saw four players sin-binned. This was a reflection not only on the ill-discipline of several players but also the
SWANSEA:Last seasons champions get off to bad start
limitations of an extremely poor referee and at least one of his touch judges. Coach Rudy Joubert admitted afterwards that the indiscriminate breaking of the laws of the game was not part of his type of rugby, but that he would also defer judgement on the cause of the periodic mayhem, until he had studied the video replay. On a more positive note he was heartened by the improvement in Cardiff ’s play, praising the performance of man-of-thematch Robert Howley and the commitment of Craig Quinnell. Both scored tries, as did right wing Andrew Henry. The latter’s try was a fine example of the approach that Joubert had been coaching all week – long rather than short passing that creates space out wide. 8 By the time the Robinson brothers had both used fine 0 skill after Sititi’s line-out catch, Henry was left with a clear run-in to the right corner. Another to earn Joubert’s praise was new back row man Francois Mounier. “He played well, as well as
adding another option in the line-out,” said Joubert. Arwel Thomas had given Swansea a seventh minute lead with a 40 metres’penalty goal before Henry scored his try. Another Thomas penalty from 42 metres edged the visitors ahead before Nick Robinson kicked a penalty. The Cardiff fly-half missed another after Andrew Lewis of Cardiff and Swansea’s Ben Evans and Arwel Thomas were sin-binned in the 34th minute but made amends when he converted Quinnell’s try. Cardiff were 15-6 ahead at the break and any hope Swansea had of a come back were handicapped when Arwel Thomas, safely returned from the sin-bin, missed two sitters from in front of the posts and Garin Jenkins received a yellow card for yet more foul play. In one of the more baffling decisions of an erratic display, referee Nigel Williams had penalised the 8man Cardiff pack for collapsing a scrum against 7man Swansea under the shadow of their own posts. Justice was done when
HOWLEY: Man-of-thematch performance
Thomas blasted his penalty attempt wide. Robinson had kicked a point-blank penalty for crossing, but to Swansea’s credit they scored an excellent try when swift scrum ball allowed Geraint Lewis to send Gareth Swales over in the right corner. Thomas, not deterred by his earlier miss, converted
brilliantly from the touchline. In the final quarter Cardiff regained control with Pieter Muller outstanding in midfield defence. They received their reward three minutes from time when Rob Howley raced away from a tap penalty to catch the defence unawares. Robinson converted and Swansea were well-beaten.
AU CHIEF CAZ NOYES DESCRIBES HER SATISFACTION AT THE SPORTS FAYRE
Fayre a success AU SPORTS FAYRE Caz Noyes
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A RECORD 59 clubs attended the Athletic Union Sport Fayre, which proved to be a roaring success. The new membership card system was always going to be a major hurdle, and despite some
initial difficulties, will soon prove to be an asset in the running of the Athletic Union. Record membership numbers were recorded by many clubs. Men’s Rugby benefited from the innovation of their female social branch of the club, numbers having broken the 150 barrier by the end of the day. The active recruitment policy of the Ladies Hockey Club saw their
ROWING: One of the most successful sports clubs
total membership top 100 members. The relatively young but very enthusiastic Surf Club also achieved notable success with inexcess of 80 members joining up. Boxing made an excellent entrance to the sports fayre and should now look forward to a successful debut season in the Athletic Union. Some excellent stalls were on show and amongst others, mentions should go to those displayed by Windsurfing, Mountaineering and the Dance Club who produced energetic and creative displays. My thanks go to all those who worked so hard to make this a very successful event. Special praise should go to all the clubs themselves, for putting so much effort into making this a great start to the year. Hopefully this will turn out to be another ground breaking term for sport at Cardiff University, rewarding the hard work and commitment shown at the fayre. Thank-you to all the clubs for their help and support.
MENS RUGBY: Hopefully recruited enough good players to win the Varsity Match
GAIR RHYDD IS PUBLISHED BY CARDIFF UNIVERSITY STUDENTS’UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN ■ TEL: (029) 2078 1400 EXT. 434 ■ REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE ■ PRINTED AT WEST COUNTRY PUBLICATIONS, PLYMOUTH ■ THEGAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS ■ THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS ■ THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF, UNIVERSITY OF WALES ■ MUCH TO LEARN ■ THE CAMMEL IS LAME ■ THE POST GRAD LEAVES IRAQ CLAIMING RUGBY AS NATIONAL SPORT