Free Word 702
gairrhydd Cardiff’s Student Weekly
Monday 22 October 2001
MOVIE MADNESS
DIVIDED CITY
FILM get all starstruck with America’s Sweethearts and review their readers favourite films
FEATURES investigates racial mixing in Cardiff
BEST CAMPAIGNING NEWSPAPER IN THE GUARDIAN STUDENT MEDIA AWARDS
Anthrax hoax in student area Awards glory for Gair Rhydd
by Lydia Kirby GAIR RHYDD received national media recognition after winning the Guardian award for Best Campaign following the success of the Bond Bank initiative. The scheme, which it is hoped will be officially launched at the start of next year, is designed to ensure student bonds are not misused by landlords. Gair Rhydd worked closely
alongside Cardiff Students’ union and Cardiff Labour MP, Jon Owen Jones, to initiate the scheme. The Guardian award ceremony took place in London last Wednesday with representatives from the best student newspapers across Britain. Last year’s Gair Rhydd editor, Vicky Raymond, who attended the ceremony, was delighted with the result. She said “I am so pleased we won the award. It makes all the late
nights and hard work which went into the paper last year worthwhile.” She added, “It’s great to know that Gair Rhydd did something to really benefit our readers.” Former news editors Ben Wilson and Rachel Harvie also attended the glitzy event which was compared by T4 stars Vernon Kay and June Sarpong. The event was proceeded by a media conference designed to give up and coming journalists a chance to mingle with current guardian writers. The annual competition, now in its twenty third year, was judged by various stars of the media world including the Channel 4 newsreader Jon Snow and Mark Frith, editor of showbiz magazine Heat. Winners received cash prizes as well as work placements at the Guardian newspaper. Gair Rhydd had also been nominated for the Guardian diversity award for an article by former Cardiff student Louise Gray. Although Louise did not win, her article was one of just four to be nominated for the award. Gair Rhydd have also been nominated for the same campaign award by the Independent newspaper and will find out about their success this weekend when they attend a conference and ceremony at the Hilton Hotel in London. WINNERS: Last years editor Vicky Raymond clutching the award and INSET: Collecting the award from June Sarpong and Vernon Kay
Albany Road shut off by police as suspect package found in Boots
by James Lydia Kirby
Bladon
and
A MAJOR shopping area in the centre of Cardiff was disrupted for several hours last week following the discovery of a suspicious package thought to contain the deadly chemical anthrax. The package, which was discovered by staff in Boots chemist on Albany Road, Roath, last Wednesday, contained an unidentified white powder and sparked fears of an anthrax contamination. Police were called to the store shortly after 10 am, and called an emergency evacuation of Boots and eight stores nearby. Police and fire officers immediately closed part of Albany Road whilst a contamination incident team investigated the package. Cardiff University Geology student, James Stockall was in the branch of Boots on Albany Road when the shop was evacuated. He said, “There were a few police officers in Boots whilst I was in there, and I overheard them discussing a suspect package with members of staff. The policeman then advised a member of the Boots staff to place the package into a box and seal it.” Shortly afterwards, Mr Stockall, along with other shoppers, was told to leave the store. He said, “I had no idea what was going on, but with all the scares in America, anthrax did spring to mind.” Once the shops surrounding Boots had been emptied, emergency services closed a large stretch of Albany Road, normally a busy
shopping street in the heart of student Cardiff. The shops remained closed for some hours, whilst the white powder was investigated. A specialist chemical incident team removed the package to complete tests upon it before confirming that the substance found inside was not dangerous. Increased security measures have been implemented across much of Cardiff and South Wales following the recent anthrax breakout in the United States. GP’s across the region have been refreshed in identifying the symptoms of anthrax, and water, sewage and nuclear firms have all been instructed to have contingency plans ready. Anthrax scares have been common in several major cities across Britain in the last few weeks. In London a package containing a white substance was discovered at the London Stock Exchange whilst in the Liverpool postal sorting office a fine powder caused panic when it fell out of a parcel believed to have been posted in the US. Authorities in South Wales have attempted to calm the fears of people living in the principality by playing down the danger posed in Wales. Rhodri Morgan, First Minister of the Welsh Assembly told the members. ‘Every reasonable measure necessary to maintain internal security is being taken to ensure public safety’. He continued, ‘There in no evidence of any specific threat against Wales and the UK in general, but nevertheless it is important that people stay vigilant.’
SPATE OF VIOLENT ATTACKS AGAINST STUDENTS CONTINUES – PAGE 3
2 ● News
Briefly... The European inquisition MEMBERS OF political parties from across Britain will be gathering in Cardiff University to debate current events in Europe. Political representatives will include Rt Hon Peter Hain MP, Minister for Europe and Jill Evans MEP as well as members of the Conservative and Liberal Democrat parties. The debate will take place on 26 October in the Wallace Lecture Theatre in the Main Building from 3.15-4.15pm. All students are welcome to attend and express their opinions on the matter.
Volunteers needed LOCAL CHARITY group, Cardiff Conservation Volunteers, are calling for student to help with nature conservation work. The event will take place on the Sunday 21 October at Fairmeadow Community Park, Pentyrch and involves working to improve the Community Park for use by the public. Anyone interested in helping out should call Bob Hall on 029 2075 6203.
Welsh culture sees rise in visitors THE NUMBER of people visiting museums in Wales has rapidly increased since the abolition of admission charges. The ‘free for all’ scheme, set up by the Liberal Democrat and Labour party, has attracted hundreds to museums across Wales since its establishment in April 2002. The National Museum in Cardiff recently received its millionth visitor since the start of the scheme.
gairrhydd Address: Gair Rhydd University Union Park Place Cardiff CF10 3QN Telephone: Editorial – (029) 2078 1434/436 Advertising – (029) 2078 1416 E-mail: ssugr1@cf.ac.uk Visitors: Find us on the 4th floor of the Students’ Union
Monday 22 October 2001, gairrhydd
Marching for the poor by Carly Aston A CHARITY march to raise awareness of poverty in the United Nations took place from the city centre to Cardiff University campus last week. Around 30 supporters joined the march from Queens Street to the Temple of Peace aiming to highlight poverty in the UN. The event involved members of Cynefin y Werin, a network of Welsh organisations
HOMELESS: Often neglected by society
Cannabis debate in Commons by Dominic O’Neill
CARDIFF CENTRAL Labour MP, Jon Owen Jones, will begin the first debate on the legalisation of cannabis ever to be held in the House of Commons this Friday. The Labour backbencher’s private member’s bill to legalise cannabis for retail and consumption was published on Thursday 18 October at a presentation and press conference in London. Speaking to Gair Rhydd, Mr Jones stated that the bill has a lot of support across all parties but added, ‘The government will probably ensure the bill doesn’t see a vote, because they know they would lose.’ The bill’s arguments in favour of legalisation concentrate on growing relaxation of cannabis prohibition internationally, lost tax revenues and the ‘minimal health risks’ associated with the drug. The bill also states that, although preferable to the present policy, decriminalisation would ‘still leave a large role for criminal gangs.’
who work together to promote peace, human rights and equal opportunities. The demonstration began with a short march through the high street at noon and ended at the Temple of Peace for a Poverty Lunch at 12.30pm. Executive officer for the Welsh Centre for International Affairs, Claire Sain-ley-Berry, who helped co-ordinate the event, was pleased with the turnout. She said, ‘About 55 people took part in the lunch of bread, cheese and water. The supporters donated their usual lunch money to Oxfam. In all we raised about £150 for Oxfam.’ To mark the event a ‘Poverty
CANNABIS: Cardiff MP takes drug to Commons
Mr Jones said, ‘Cannabis use is a fact of life and drugs and Mr Jones is confident of change. trying to deal with it through the criminal justice However, even if parliament votes to allow the system is absurd.’ recreational use of cannabis, it is unlikely that the The debate comes after increasing dissatisfaction Union would ever allow students to smoke the with the government’s current soft drugs policy. drug on the premises. Former deputy Tory leader Peter Lilly called for Equal Opportunities and Welfare Officer Rohan the legalisation of cannabis in July, while exTambyraja said earlier this year, “If cannabis were cabinet minister Mo Mowlam called the current to become legalised in Britain, I doubt if it would level of parliamentary debate on cannabis “a ever be the Union’s policy to advocate the use of farce”. the drug”. Police in Brixton became the first in the country to formally turn a ‘blind eye’ to the possession of small amounts of cannabis earlier this year. Although the Prime Minister remains opposed to legalisation, Home Secretary David Blunkett has called for an “adult, intelligent” debate on the issue. Simbec Research Ltd is currently An all-party Home Affairs Select seeking volunteers to participate in a Committee will meet next spring to investigate the government’s policy short research project to evaluate a regarding decriminalisation of soft
Campaign calls for cleaner Cathays by Kathryn Burden THE LIBERAL Democrats are planning to ‘Clean Up Cathays’ as part of an ongoing campaign to keep litter off the streets. The Accreditation Plus rented housing voluntary registration scheme now obliges landlords to inform tenants when their collection day is thanks to Liberal Democrat AM for Cardiff Central, Jenny Randerson. She said, “It is only sensible that landlords should inform tenants when their collection day is. This is not going to solve the problem completely, but it should certainly help.” She also asked that landlords regularly inspect their properties to ensure that they are maintained in a tidy condition and a
Exhibition’ was put on at the Temple of Peace aiming to outline some of the problems facing the world’s poor and to give examples of the ways that groups and individuals can help bring about positive changes. The event was supported by The Big Issue, Oxfam, UNA Wales, Population Concern and Traidcraft. From 20 October, events will be taking place across Cardiff to mark One World Week including a march with singing and dancing. A leaflet giving details of more than twenty events in the Cardiff area can be obtained from the Temple of Peace, Cathays Park, Cardiff, Tel 029 2022 8549.
good state of repair. At present the Council cannot compel landlords to register their properties to the scheme but it is hoped that those involved will benefit from well maintained and cleaner properties. Much of the litter is caused by bin bags being put out on the wrong day and splitting. Students who live in Cathays can help the situation by putting their black bin bags out on a Tuesday night only or by 7.15am on Wednesday. Arrangements can be made to remove large household items and electrical items by phoning the Council on 2077 5533. Much of the litter is caused by bin bags being put out on the wrong day which then split open, causing the contents to be scattered all over the pavement.
Asthmatic? new treatment for asthma sufferers. Study participants will receive an inconvenience payment.
If you suffer from asthma and would like more information about this study (without obligation) please contact the Recruitment Team on:
FREEPHONE 0800 69 1995 Email gareth.marshall@simbec.co.uk www.simbec.co.uk
MERTHYR TYDFIL SOUTH WALES
gairrhydd, Monday 22 October 2001 PIC: Jenni Blurton
News ● 3
Local bars go green by L.K
BOTTLES: Thousands going to waste
A NEW recycling scheme has been introduced to pubs, clubs and bars across Cardiff to cut down on the amount of glass wasted each year. The scheme was introduced in midSeptember by the company Valpak in response to new European regulations on recycling which state that each business must meet certain recycling levels. Currently 185 premises in Cardiff belong to this recycling scheme and there are hopes that 120 further venues will be added within the next four to five weeks. The move has been welcomed by ecological groups across Britain who are angered by the 350,000 tonnes of glass used
each year that are dumped in landfills rather than being re-cycled. To adhere to the new stricter regulations, Valpak, the organisation responsible for ensuring that each business meet their recovery percentages, have been forced to find a new way of recycling bottles that breweries would be happy to implement. Spokesperson for the company, Emma Stewart, explained. ‘Breweries now just have to place the bottles together instead of having to separate them into different colours. Valpak collect the jumble of bottles from the premises once a week and the venues are hardly affected by the change.’ Valpak are not charging the pubs for the collection of the bottles so there should be no increase in prices due to this environ-
mental swing. The legal road to achieve this level of recycling has not been easy. In 1997 a directive on packaging dictated that each business must meet certain recovery percentages became European law. In 1998 another scheme, where glasses were collected from pubs, failed when publicans found that it was not viable to separate their bottles into the different glass colours. Leading breweries refused to enforce the scheme and it was dismissed at the beginning of this year. However, increased demands from the European Union this year mean that businesses now have to meet higher recycling levels and, to achieve this, recycling of glass bottles is essential.
Fresher robbed in subway
Students warned to be on the alert after fresher is glassed by teenagers in the city centre by Lydia Kirby A FIRST year Cardiff student was taken to hospital after he was attacked in the city centre with a glass bottle. The attack took place in a subway near Boulevard de Nantes just after midnight on Wednesday night. The student was on his way home from Red’s nightclub when he was approached by two teenagers who smashed a bottle over his head and stole his wallet. The student was taken to University Hospital of Wales and treated for cuts to his head.
Although there was no lasting damage from the attack, the student was visibly shaken when he spoke to police officers later about the incident. Following the attack, Cardiff Union’s resident police officer, PC Bob Keohane, is urging students to take extra care when walking home late at night. He said, ‘Students should avoid walking home alone if possible and, if you find yourself in the situation where you have to go alone, remember to stay alert and avoid wearing headphones which may distract your attention.’ Last week, Gair Rhydd reported on a
MUGGING: Student shaken after attack in Cardiff centre
similar incident when 2 former Cardiff university students were attacked by a gang and left needing hospital attention. A female student from Cardiff university was also subject to an attempted attack when leaving the union alone last week. Fortunately none of the victims retained serious injuries but all three attacks highlight the necessity for vigilence when walking home after a night out. Following this latest attack Cardiff police
are appealing for anyone with information about the incident to contact them immediately. The attackers are both described as darkskinned and between the ages of 17 and 19. The first was 5 ft 5in tall with short hair and wearing a black shirt and trousers. The second was lighter-skinned, about 5ft 10in tall and had short hair. Anyone with information is asked to call Cardiff central CID on 029 2052 7420.
Stray balloon attracts German clubber by Lydia Kirby
STAFF AT Zeus nightclub in Cardiff were shocked when a balloon containing a personal invitation to the club was found in Germany. The balloons were released from Zeus on Friday 5 September as a way of inviting customers to the club. Beneath each balloon was a plastic money bag with a note reading, ‘For free entry and a free drink contact Zeus, Cardiff.’ Just over a month later, deputy manager of the club, Dylan Lane received a letter from a 60-year-old German man, living 609
miles away from Cardiff, who had found one of the invitations near his home. Mr Lane said, “To be honest I thought someone was having a lark with this but then I realised that the letter had a genuine German postmark and, when we rang up this guy, he told us he’d found the balloon in the woods near to where he lives.” In his letter to the club, Gerhard Häckel, who lives just north of Bonn, expressed his amusement of the incident and in particular of the saucy drawing on the balloon which had been added by staff at Zeus. He wrote, “On the balloon are the words ‘Sexy Shaz’ followed by a drawing that
seems to show a woman’s breast. Now I am eager to get the free entry and the free drink.” Mr Häcke, an English teacher, expressed his life-long desire to visit the United Kingdom and the yellow Zeus balloon has made him even more determined to fufil this ambition. Mr Häckel is planning to visit Cardiff in the New Year when staff at Zeus have promised him the chance to meet ‘Sexy Shaz’ in person. Zeus nightclub sent out a thousand of the balloons, 342 of which have been accounted for within the Cardiff region.
FLYING HIGH: New promotion a ballooning success for nightclub
4 ● News
gairrhydd Editorial Keeping things in perspective THE ANTHRAX scare in Boots has brought home just what precarious and scary times we live in. It seems highly unlikely that the next target for terrorist attack after the World Trade Center and the Pentagon would be a chemist shop on Albany road, yet the discovery of a suspect package last week brought the mainly student area to a standstill. When I heard about the story I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but as I got closer to the scene you could tell that the majority of the onlookers were very scared. Indeed, the sight of the sealed off road and the ‘decontamination tent’ was like something out of a film rather than an ordinary day in Cardiff. Yet despite the fuss and the hype, the scare turned out to be a hoax. It is easy to look back with hindsight and say that we knew all along, but for those couple of hours the threat of biological attack was feasible. The television pictures of the fear and panic that anthrax is causing in the US can easily be passed off as an already edgy nation expecting the worst, yet the possibility that Britain could be next is slowly becoming apparent to ordinary members of the public. But is important to keep the events of the last few months in perspective. Anthrax is incredibly hard to come across, and it is unlikely that even if Britain does see some cases of anthrax that Cardiff will be a prime target. Indeed, all of the ‘cases’ in Britain so far have been hoaxes, which says something about the scare-mongering that has been occurring in the press. Front page headlines everyday about the potential dangers of chemical attacks haven’t helped to calm peoples fears, so in this paper I’m going to point out that the threat of anthrax is so small that it isn’t worth worrying about. Media hype will make people more aware and therefore more cautious, but is important to remember to keep events in perspective. Cardiff may be a social and cultural hotspot, but a target for terrorist attacks? I find it hard to believe.
gairrhydd, Monday 22 October 2001
NO ONE can deny the success that was Big Brother 2. The housemates we all loved to hate became household names across the country, and at one point you could be mistaken for thinking that ‘Helenisms’ were actually part of the Welsh language. Looking at it objectively, it’s all a bit pitiful really. The thought of watching someone cook dinner in their kitchen or sunbathe in the garden would normally bore me to tears, but alas I was a BB junkie and, like many others, found it hard to rediscover the meaning of life after the last of the housemates had been set free. However this year sees the creation of another Big Brother style house but with a purely different agenda. Whereas BB was for entertainment purposes, this house claims to educate people by providing them with an insight in to what it is like to be a ‘typical’ student. If there is such a thing? ‘The definitive interactive online guide to university selection’ is how StudentLifeLive.co.uk describes itself. The brainchild of Andrew Mitchell, it involves four Durham University students, a dog and three cameras beaming live pictures on to the internet 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for a year. Initially a pilot scheme, StudentLifeLive aims to have such houses in every student community in the country by the end of the year in an attempt to ‘tell it like it is’ and show prospective students ‘what it’s really all about’. Right. A bit dubious about
Living life on the net
With a nation obsessed by reality television, and a student population with more money worries than ever, Fran Pattison looks at a group of students mixing business with pleasure. the whole idea, I cautiously logged on to the website expecting naked men, sick and general raucous behaviour (my misguided preconceptions as a fresh-faced sixth former) but quite frankly I was uninspired. The cameras have been ‘strategically’ placed in the hall, kitchen and beer deck (definitely not typical of a student house) . So it is not really an insight into student life but into what the housemates choose to show of it. Undeterred, I then decided to check out the housemates’ profiles. There I discovered a combination of the token ‘rugger bugger’ with a
penchant for wandering about naked (so he claims, I have yet to see the evidence), a ‘wide-eyed innocent Catholic girl’ and a
girl who claims the most naughty thing she has done on camera so far is get caught eating someone else’s biscuits – crazy gal you! OK perhaps I’m being a little harsh but in all honesty I think the site needs to rethink what exactly it is about and what it is trying to portray. The idea that there is a ‘typical’ student is a little outdated – today’s students come from incredibly diverse backgrounds with various tastes and lifestyles so it is impossible to create a website that shows what ‘student life’ is about as it differs so much according to the individual. Your average student likes cheap beer and cheesy music, but my point is that not all do. Add to this the fact that the housemates are ‘contracted’ to hold two house parties a month in, return for their free rent and endless supply of Tiger Beer and Red Bull, and you can’t help feeling that things are going to get a bit stale. A case of ‘same old, same old’ and not really representative of student life at all, live or otherwise. However you do have to give these four students a certain amount of credit for finding an ingenious way to tackle student debt. For the duration of their stay in the house they pay no rent, have their fridges constantly stocked and effectively are paid to party. Perhaps we could be seeing more of these houses sooner than we think.
No one wants to be in his gang by James Bladon ‘GLAM ROCK’ icon, Gary Glitter is expected to target student unions across Britain to re-launch his pop career. The fallen star, who was convicted on charges of possessing indecent photographs of children, spent four months in prison before fleeing to Cuba. Glitter, real name Paul Gadd, has now recorded a new album and is believed to be interested in performing live again. Gary Glitter expert, Luke Holland said that the student market had always been a profitable area for the ageing star prior to his incarceration. ‘He would always sell out any Union he was booked at.’ However, following his convictions Glitter has fallen out of favour with much of his previous fan base. Luke explained ‘As much as it pains me to say it, the University is far more likely to book a popular
music act like Craig David, than a glam rock legend like Gary.’ Although Cardiff University has not been formally approached in connection with booking Glitter, it is believed he would receive a negative response. University Community and Communications Officer, Elaye Clark said, ‘If we were to be contacted in connection with Mr Glitter appearing live, I think he would almost certainly be turned down.’
GLITTER: Aiming for an older audience
Student dies in fall from bridge Abbie Jackson and Aimée Bryant A CARDIFF University student tragically died earlier this month after he fell from a motorway bridge at Briton Ferry, Neath. The first year medical student, who had just started his first week of lectures, was living at Talybont student residences at the time of the incident. The talented 18 year old from Lisvane had just begun his degree having achieved three A grades at A-level. He followed his brother to the University of Wales College of Medicine with aspirations of becoming a surgeon. Staff and pupils at the student’s former school, Llanishen High School, were shocked and saddened by the news. Speaking on behalf of Cardiff
University, Communications and Community Officer Elaye Clark told Gair Rhydd, ‘Our deepest sympathies go out to all those affected by the tragedy.’ The funeral of the student took place on Friday 12th October at St Denys Church in north Cardiff. The service was well attended by the many family and friends of the student, including friends from Talybont and representatives from both the University and the College of Medicine. Dr Peter Winterburn, subDean and Head of Biosciences was also in attendance at the funeral and speaking last week echoed Mr Clark’s sentiments. He said, ‘Although the student had only been enrolled at the University for such a short period of time, our sense of loss is nevertheless great.’
News ● 5
gairrhydd, Monday 22 October 2001
The Week In Print Sioned Bevan and Eleri Cunningham round up the stories making the news in Britain and Wales.
Air strikes ‘tighten net’ on al’Qaida terrorists surely tighten the net and bring the terrorists to justice.” T h e Americans claim that their search and destroy AIR STRIKES: Taliban air defences and US jets missions are very effective with the Taliban confirming that by Sioned Bevan numerous military targets have HEAVY AIR strikes were last been hit. However, they also claim that week continuing in scores of innocent civilians have Afghanistan. F15 fighter bombers from a been killed in the attacks. The Taliban leader, Mullah base in the Persian Gulf have been deployed for the first time Mohammed Omar and al’Qaida to help destroy targets in the leader Osama bin Laden are capital Kabul and the Taliban both reported to be alive and well. stronghold of Kandahar. President Bush has warned the Afghan forces that the air gan Sioned Bevan strikes were paving the way for ground troops. He said that this MAE AMERICA yn parhau i shift in strategy to closer range ymosod ar Afghanistan. contact would “slowly, but Defnyddiwyd awyrennau
bomio F15 am y tro cyntaf er mwyn taro targedau milwrol yn y brif ddinas, Kabul. Cafodd Kandahar, dinas ble mae gan y Taliban lawer o gefnogaeth, hefyd ei hymosod. Mae’r Arlywydd Bush wedi rhybuddio y bydd milwyr yn cael eu defnyddio cyn hir i geisio ymosod yn uniongyrchol ar y Taliban ac Osama bin Laden. Dywed yr Americanwyr bod eu hymgyrchoedd yn llwyddiannus iawn ond condemnia’r Taliban hwy gan ddweud fod nifer fawr o bobl gyffredin wedi eu lladd. Credir fod arweinydd y Taliban, Mullah Mohammed Omar a phennaeth al’Qaida, Osama bin Laden yn fyw ac iach o hyd. Ni all neb ragweld pryd bydd yr ymosodiadau ar Afghanistan yn peidio. Y mae dyfodol hirdymor y wlad felly mor ansicr ag erioed.
Welsh speakers push for bi courses by Eleri Cunningham ACCORDING TO a recent survey, 75% of Welsh speaking young people who wish to study in a university in Wales, wish to do so bilingually. The Welsh Language Education Development Officer for the University of Wales, Cen Williams sent the questionnaire to year 12 and 13 in Welsh and bilingual schools, to three Further Education colleges and Welsh
speaking students in the 13 Higher Education institutions in Wales. Out of the students who were questioned, 82% were eager to remain in Wales to continue their studies, whilst 44% were following, or about to follow courses through the medium of Welsh. According to the survey, Biology, Chemistry and Mathematics were the most popular subjects for those in years 12 and 13, but surprisingly not one university in Wales offers these subjects in Welsh or bilingually.
Potter movie under threat
by Lydia Kirby
The filming of two of the most expensive films to be made on British soil may be jeopardised by the threat of an actor’s strike. The news comes as a major blow to the British film industry, after securing contracts
to film the new Bond movie and the second of the Harry Potter trilogy in Britain. The strike centres on the residual payments made to actors on DVD and video sales and on television broadcasts of their films. Whereas American actors get a percentage, their British counterparts get only a one-off payment.
Biological killer hits US by Sioned Bevan PANIC IN the US is mounting after fears that the deadly disease anthrax is being used as a biological weapon. Over 30 people working at the Capital Building in Washington DC have been vaccinated against anthrax after a letter addressed to Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle was found to have contained anthrax spores. The letter included the message ‘You’ve been exposed to anthrax. You are going to die.’ A baby boy also contracted the skin version of the disease after visiting the NBC TV newsdesk in New York with his mother. The strain of the virus detected in New York has been identified as being the same as that found in the first cases at American Media Inc. headquarters in Florida. The first confirmed case of anthrax outside the United States has also been reported in Kenya. A letter containing anthrax spores had been sent to a Nairobi businessman from Atlanta, Georgia. Another suspect letter has been delivered to the UN office in Nairobi. Exactly who is sending the letters is still unknown. US law enforcement officials are not yet ready to link the attacks to Osama bin Laden. But as more anthrax incidents are b e i n g confirmed, the attacks seem increasingly linked.
THE NEWS IN WALES gan Eleri Cunningham
Pam, John Owen? AR DDYDD Mercher y 10fed o Hydref methodd John Owen ag ymddangos yn yr achos llys yn ei erbyn yn Llys y Goron, Caerdydd. Y diwrnod canlynol darganfuwyd John Owen, awdur y nofelau a’r rhaglen deledu poblogaidd ‘Pam Fi Duw?’ yn farw mewn carafán ym Mhorthcawl. Roedd John Owen yn wynebu cyhuddiadau o ymddwyn yn anweddus a threisio bechgyn ysgol rhwng 1977 a 1992. Bellach mae tri allan o’r pedwar unigolyn a oedd wedi ei gyhuddo o’r troseddau wedi gwneud datganiad drwy eu cyfreithiwr a gynhwysai eu “ymwybyddiaeth o alar ei deulu” ac mai “nid ar chwarae bach yr aethant at Heddlu De Cymru gyda’r cwynion”. Nid yw’r heddlu yn chwilio am unrhyw un arall mewn cysylltiad a’i farwolaeth.
Arweinydd yn Ddieuog RHEITHGOR YN penderfynu dyfarniad dieuog i arweinwr y Sgowtiaid wrth i un o’r bechgyn dan ei ofal syrthio i’w farwolaeth Cafodd y rheithgor yn llys y goron, Caernarfon ddyfarniad dieuog yn erbyn Peter Finley o Fryste ddwy flynedd yn union wedi i Jonathan Attwell syrthio i’w farwolaeth o dan ei oruchwyliaeth wrth ddringo’r Wyddfa gyda’r Sgowtiaid.
“With her new skimpy bikini, Becky was certain she’d pull on Bondi Beach!”
• FLEXIBLE LOW COST FLIGHTS • ROUND THE WORLD FLIGHTS • ACCOMMODATION
or why not visit your local usit CAMPUS Branch: • YHA Adventure Shop 13 Castle Street, Cardiff CF1 2BS
• ADVENTURE TOURS
T: (029) 2022 0744
• PACKAGE HOLIDAYS
• Cardiff University Students’ Union
• RAIL AND COACH PASSES • TRAVEL INSURANCE • ISIC AND IYC DISCOUNT CARDS
Park Place, Cardiff CF1 3QN T: (029) 2064 1133 Call Centre: 0870 240 1010 www.usitcampus.co.uk
Programme until Thursday 25th October 2001. Please ring the information line for this weekend’s listings.
Advanced Screenings HARRY POTTER & THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE - (TBC) Advance Screenings - Book now
LEGALLY BLONDE - (12) Advance Screenings
Sat 10th & Sun 11th Nov 8.00 8.30 9.00 9.30 10.00 11.00 11.30 12.00 12.30 1.00 2.00 2.30 3.00 3.30 4.00 5.00 5.30 6.00 6.30 7.00 8.00 8.30 9.00 9.30 10.00 Late night shows Sat only - 11.00 11.30 12.00
Wednesday & Thursday only 10.00 12.10 2.20 4.40 7.00 9.10
AMERICA’S SWEETHEARTS - (15) 11.50 3.00 6.10 9.20
BROTHERHOOD OF THE WOLF - (15) 11.50 Daily except Thursday 2.40 6.20 9.20 Late night show - Fri and Sat 11.30
A KNIGHT’S TALE - (PG) 10.30 1.10 4.00
JAWS - (PG)
Thursday Night only 8.30
HELP I’M A FISH - (U)
10.20 12.20 2.20 4.20 6.20 8.20 Daily except Thursday
Saturday Morning Kid’s Club Children & Adults £1.50 Starts 10.30 Ends 11.45
THE PLEDGE - (15)
JEEPER’S CREEPERS - (15)
10.00 12.40 3.20 6.00 8.50 Late Night Show - Fri and Sat 11.30
11.10 1.10 3.20 5.30 7.40 9.50 Late night show - Fri and Sat 12.00
THE SCORE - (15)
CENTRE OF THE WORLD - (18)
ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE - (U)
4.30 7.00 Daily except Wednesday 9.40 Daily
A.I. - (12)
10.40 1.40 5.00 8.00
MOULIN ROUGE - (12)
10.00 12.30 3.20 6.10 9.00 Late Night Show - Fri and Sat 11.50
11.50 2.00 4.00 6.00 8.00 10.00 Late night show - Fri and Sat 12.00
AMERICAN PIE 2 - (15)
10.10 11.30 12.30 2.00 3.00 4.30 5.50 7.00 8.20 9.30 Late night show - Fri and Sat 11.00 12.00
THE FAST & THE FURIOUS - (15) 8.00 10.20
AMELIE - (15)
10.00 12.40 3.20 6.00 8.40 Late night show - Fri and Sat 11.20
ENIGMA - (15)
10.10 12.50 3.20 5.50 8.30 Late night show - Fri and Sat 11.30
MIKE BASSETT: ENGLAND MANAGER - (15) 7.30 Daily except Tuesday 10.00 Daily Late night show - Fri and Sat 12.10
CRAZY/BEAUTIFUL - (12) 10.00 12.10 2.20
CATS & DOGS - (PG)
10.00 11.50 1.50 4.00 Daily 6.00 Daily except Weds & Thurs
JAWS - (PG)
Thursday Morning Senior Screen £1.70 Starts 11.00 Ends 1.00
Coming Soon THE MAN WHO WASN’T THERE Latest from the Coen brothers starring Billy Bob Thornton and Frances McDormand
TRAINING DAY
starring Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Macy Gray
Letters ● 7
gairrhydd, Monday 22 October 2001
Letter of the week The writer of this week’s Letter of the Week wins a year’s supply of cammomile tea to calm his raging temper. Dear Gair Rhydd, I am writing in reply to the letter from the non-Welsh alien last week (“Identity Crisis”, GR 701) who so eloquently summed up Welsh nationalism, I would like to say "what a load of bollocks!" You have moved to this country from your middle class county of Surrey not understanding a single thing about its history and heritage. You claim that the boundary between England and Wales is nothing more than a boundary between two separate counties in England, but this could not be further from the truth. The culture in Wales is far different from that in England and the population of the respecting countries have different outlooks on life. This is seen most potently through politics, where the Tory party in England is relatively popular, while in Wales for the past two General Elections it has failed to return a seat. You clearly don't realise that the Welsh are proud of their nation and heritage and wish to be seen as being Welsh. Declaring that we are undoubtedly British shows arrogance on your part in assuming that the people of Wales (but also Scotland and Northern Ireland) accept annexation by England. A piece of our national identity is all we wish to retain. Also, the reason why people assume you are arrogant because you are English is because of such outbursts as you made last week. I know many English people who feel great resentment towards you for making such comments and leading Welsh people to believe that all English are like this. They clearly aren't. You are a disgrace to England, and to the rest of the nations in Britain. Yours, Steven Thomas, 2nd Year History & Welsh History (notice the use of my name you ignorant coward!!!)
And There’s More. . . Dear Gair Rhydd, So, Non-Welsh Alien, could you explain to me exactly what your problem is with Welsh people referring to their nationality as Welsh instead of British? I've always considered my nationality to be English, on the grounds that while England is a nation, Britain is a coalition of four nations. Of
course, I am also British, as well as European, but the simple fact is that I was born in a country called England. This doesn't make me nationalist or xenophobic, it's just a matter of history and geography. Try telling a Canadian that the line between his country and the US is an arbitrary one. Greg A. Lamb, Somewhere on Earth Lettersdesk says: So there, Mr. Non-Welsh Alien. As predicted,
you’ve caused widespread dismay and offence. Perhaps now you’ll keep your ill-conceived ramblings to yourself and allow the rest of us to live in blissful harmony. But wait a moment, who can this be. . .
Dig That Hole Dear Gair Rhydd I would like to issue an unreserved apology to the people of Wales, and would be very grateful if you could pass it on – I am sorry about the other day when I broke into your castle, ransacked it, molested all of your womenfolk and murdered your grandfather. I am not proud of what I did, but I was caught up in the mob – you know how it is? Hang on – I think I may be getting confused with something that happened several hundred years ago, to someone entirely different. Silly me! So, surely there must be something else for which the Welsh hate the English so vehemently. Perhaps it was that time in the 70’s when the English burned all of your holiday homes? No, I'm getting confused again! Maybe it was that time in the 80’s when Thatcher ripped the heart out of...er, the entire Black Country, and especially England's NorthEast! Hmmm. Or could it be something more general, such as the manner in which we forced you to replace your own language with, er, another one of your own invention. Or the way that we English are so arrogant, the way we support whichever team is playing the Welsh, and with our little phrases, like the one which runs “Every day, when I wake up, I thank the Lord I'm English,” (I think I'm confused again). Oh yeah, it might be our imperialism, our determined efforts to bring the whole world into our mighty empire, especially, er, Patagonia. Is it our football hooliganism? The 3 teams with the most notorious fans in the world, as everyone knows, are Chelsea, Millwall and oh, Cardiff. Well, the only other thing I can think of is that Fascist dictator of
the late 1930s, who started WW2 – He must have been English! Yours, James Landon (the non-Welsh alien) Lettersdesk says: James, James, James, will you never learn?
Setting You Straight Dear Gair Rhydd, In response to Carla O' Driscoll's letter printed in the 15th of October issue (“Bookworms Beware”, GR 701) I would like to take this opportunity to clear up the following. In Blackwell's Bookshop in the Student Union we have a policy of matching any price for any book which is available in one of our competitors high street bookshops (not including Secondhand/Bargain shops). Quite simply if you do find a book which Waterstones or Ottakars in Newport are selling cheaper please let us know and we will match that price, so all the students on your course can benefit. Also do remember if you buy your books from us in September or October and return them in May or June with the receipt we'll give you 50% of their value in Blackwell Vouchers or 35% in cash. We have over 10,000 titles in stock here so obviously there will be occasional differences in prices, especially as publishers regularly amend the recommended price of texts, therefore please help us to help you. Cheers, David Prescott Manager, Blackwell's University Bookshops
S-S-Silliness Dear Gair Rhydd, After reading yet another letter bitching about enrolment I thought that I should stick my oar in, so to speak. I was penalised while enrolling at the Talybont Sports
Centre, not because I had forgotten anything or was causing trouble. No, it was because I am a Smith and I had to go in the S queue which stretched half way around the hall. While other people were able to arrive on time at the department enrolment, I arrived late and had to endure the hassle of working out what to do without much assistance. How about having an extra line for S? Yours, Paul P.S. I saw Claire Goose (Ex. Casualty Bird) in Bristol. Does THAT make me famous? Lettersdesk says: Thankyou for your suggestion Paul. The monster that is prejudice can assume many forms, and it must be crushed without hesitation. But your preoccupation with fame is most unhealthy. Any member of the gair rhydd team will tell you that unrelenting adulation from complete strangers can become very wearing. Enjoy your anonymity, my friend, you’ll miss it when its gone.
Gunned Down II Dear Gair Rhydd, I am writing to first complement ‘Goose’ on his description of Top Gun as a great artistic icon, a wholly accurate description (“Gunned Down”, GR 701.) However I would like to pick up on something that he missed. In your Dollywood article there was a massive mistake of fact. Commander Mike Metcalf, call sign Viper and played by Tom Skerrit was not in that scene at all. True he was in the training hop that lead to it but it was 'Jester' (Michael Ironside) who was in the showers dressing down Mav. Also it's 'Son, your EGO's writing cheques your body can’t cash! Yours, Some die hard Top Gun fan
Send your letters in to us at Gair Rhydd, Students’ Union, Park Place, CF10 3QN or e-mail SSUGR1@CARDIFF.AC.UK. Gair Rhydd will attempt to print any letter sent in, but apologises for those that do not make it in due to space restrictions. The views expressed in these letters are not necessarily those of the newspaper or the editor.
Crossword This week we almost had a new crossword compiler, but he got half the job done and then said “Bloody Hell, this is more difficult than it looks.” And then gave up. Such is life. Enjoy. ACROSS: 1. Claps (8) 5. Irish Gaelic (4) 9. Fashion revealing most of the legs (9) 10. Misfortune (3) 11. High-fibre cereal (4) 13. Barren (7) 16. To a position within (4) 18. Threaten (6) 19. Feel bitter about (6) 21. Badger’s burrow (4) 23. Thriving by frugality (7) 25. Toward the rising of the sun (4) 27. Not me (3) 28. Magnificence (9) 30. Orderly, neat (4) 31. Worship of an image (8)
DOWN: 1.Military force (4) 2. Drawing ____, thumbtack (3) 3. Poison much favoured by murderers (7) 4. Of wine, the least sweet (6) 6. Disorderliness (9) 7. Last man in at cricket (8) 8. Eye sore (4) 12. Evasive behaviour (coll) (9) 14. Legal wrong (4) 15. Violet variety of quartz (8) 17. Place for laying eggs (4) 20. Never ending (7) 22. Membrane used for blinking (6) 24. Safeguard in an electric circuit (4) 26. Become threadbare (4) 29. No longer in the game (3) Send your answers to the gair rhydd office and the winner will be announced in the next issue. Last week’s lucky winner was James Vilares. Very well done, old boy. Come up and collect your prize. 701’s solution: ACROSS: 7.Parrot; 8.Abjure; 10.Ogen; 11. Role; 12.Mad; 14.Attic; 17.Alack; 19.Alias; 20.Bigot; 22.Shyly; 24.Gym; 26.Epic; 28.Same; 30.Bright; 31.Oblong. DOWN: 1.Faggot; 2.Grin; 3.Storm; 4.Faded; 5.Ajar; 6.Frolic; 15.Tag; 16.Cat; 17.Ass; 18.Any; 21.Impact; 23.Lamina; 24.Grate; 25.Melon; 27.Cage; 28.Sale.
Name:___________________ Email:____________________ If I was a chocolate bar I would be a . . . . . .because:__________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________
This week’s winner wins a meal for two at The Roath Tandoori & Balti Restaurant
blagging
Competitions ● 09
gairrhydd, Monday 22 October 2001
The ultimate in...
THIS WEEK: SOUNDTRACK YOUR LIFE, LOVE YOUR UNION AND COLLECT YOUR TOASTIE MAKER
The best albums in the world... this term! IN RESPONSE to last week’s Competitions Page, HMV have compiled a list of albums which will drag rock dinosaurs like Yours Truly weeping and screaming into the nineties. This is also in aid of their new look student 10% Off Card, which gives students 10% off music, video, DVD and games. HMV have chosen that these albums, and no others, are fit for listening to this semester.
CARDIFF UNIVERSITY STUDENTS’ UNION ENTERTAINMENTS
The Strokes – Is This It? Avalanches – Since I Left You White Stripes – White Blood Cells Starsailor – Love Is Here Embrace – If You’ve Never Been Stanton Warriers – Stanton Sessions Mercury Rev – All Is Dream Kylie – Fever Roots Manuva – Run Come Save Me Kosheen – Residue
Now, I know that this kind of arbitrary value judgement will probably incense a lot of you. But before you start bemoaning the state of the British music scene and complaining that HMV have chosen this selection because they’re premium releases and this is a cynical marketing strategy, you should know that we’re giving away these CDs free. Aha, thought that might quieten you down a bit. Oh yes, you all like to throw your two pence in and mouth off with your ill-informed, cowlike opinions, but hear that there’s a freebie going and you all line up like the cultural drones you are. I mean, what kind of freeloading grabmonkey actually reads the competitions page anyway? You people make me sick. I think I should apologise for my former harshness. We both said things we didn’t mean and I’d really like to make a clean breast of it. How about some free CDs? Yeah? You like CDs? Okay. Come along then. To win one of these albums, fill in the entry form below and answer the easy peasy question. We will give one of the ten albums to each of the first ten entrants past the post. Now pay attention. The Name: Address: allocation of albums will be random so don’t come running to me if you get stuck with something crap: just think of the Date of Birth: thousands of boys and girls who won’t be Age: getting a top ten album at all this Mobile Number: Christmas. That’s right. Feel bad. Email Address:
What products can students save 10% on at HMV? You’d know if you’d read this article properly.
University: Year of Study: Answer: If you want to receive further information or offers from HMV please tick this box
UNION TICKETS A-GO-GO
Do you want to win free tickets for you and your undeserving housemates to come to Union events? Of course you do. Get your ass to the Marketing department on the second floor of the Union and ask for one of their Solus posters. Display it prominently in your window and if one of our Gair Rhydd gnomes should spy it with their beady, winking eye, you might win five tickets to a Union event. Bear in mind that there’s extra points for the most innovative display. Watch this space and see if you’re a winner my young friend.
We are looking for Part-Time promotions staff to advertise our events in the Union, around the Campus and in the City Centre. You must be available to work some weekends and evenings. If you`re interested, please call Fiona on 02920781421 or Sam on 02920781516, or call into the Marketing Department on the 2nd floor of the Union building.
Toastie maker winners
gairrhydd
The winners of the Morphy Richards toastie maker competition (Issue 699) have been plucked from the ear of a nursing ewe, and are as follows: Hannah Langfield, Paul Smith, Catriona Mohr, Joanne Higgs, Olayemi Fadahunsi, Rhian Chapman. Congratulations on keeping the British Heart Foundation in business. Come up to the GR office on the fourth floor of the Union and collect your toastie maker. I’m so proud of you.
Drop your answers in to the Gair Rhydd office on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union. Or you can send them to: Gair Rhydd, Cardiff University Students’ Union, Park Place, Cardiff CF10 3QN Alternatively, e-mail your answers and contact details to: ssugr1@cardiff.ac.uk Win this stuff or I’ll have to keep it for myself.
10 ● Classifieds
Monday 22 January 2001, gairrhydd
Classified Adve r tising ●
Only 10 pence per word
●
20 pence per CAPITALISED word
●
25 pence per bold word
●
30 pence per BOLD CAPITALISED word
●
£1.00 additional charge for a boxed advertisement
●
£2.00 additional charge for photo (box included free of charge)
MESSAGE
Please print your Message in the box below. One word in each box. Capitalise words you want in CAPITALS. Underline words you want in bold.
TICK BOX IF BOX REQUIRED: TICK BOX IF PHOTOGRAPH REQUIRED: FOR INSERTION IN THE FOLLOWING ISSUE(S): CONTACT ADDRESS/TELEPHONE: TOTAL COST: Please circle the category you require: Personal; Services; Employment; For Sale; Wanted; Accommodation; Societies; Miscellaneous Please complete this form and return it to: Gair Rhydd, Cardiff University Students’ Union, Park Place, Cardiff CF10 3QN. All cheques should be made payable to Cardiff Union Services Ltd.
NON-SABBATICAL OFFICERS
ACCOMMODATION
SHAG OFFICE HOURS: Tuesday 3-5pm and Friday 12-2pm WELSH AFFAIRS OFFICER/ SWYDDOG MATERION CYMRAEG: Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons 2-5pm. Contact Cerith Spooner on SpoonerC1@Cardiff.ac.uk INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS’ OFFICER : Wednesday afternoons. Contact Minelle Gholami on GholamiM1@Cardiff.ac.uk STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES OFFICER: Monday 2-4pm. Contact Natasha Hirst on HirstN2@Cardiff.ac.uk WOMEN’S OFFICER: Monday and Wednesday afternoons. Contact Sally Cameron Griffiths on Cameron-Griffiths @Cardiff.ac.uk. LGB OFFICER: Wednesday afternoons 2-5pm, Wednesday afternoons. Contact James Knight on KnightJ2@Cardiff.ac.uk. BLACK AND ETHNIC AFFAIRS OFFICER: Contact Prab Ramkumar on RamkumarP1@Cardiff.ac.uk. MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER: Contact Gareth Hiscocks on HiscocksG@Cardiff.ac.uk. Xpress Station Manager: contact Emma Gait-Carr on StationManager@Xpressradio.co.uk. All officers can be contacted on the third floor of the Students’ Union. Want to talk about sexuality? Or do you want information about lesbian, gay or bisexual issues? No hassle, no pressure, just a friendly ear. Ring the LGB PHONELINE on 029 2039 8903, Monday, 7.00pm-9.00pm
Room for rent in house of five, Wyndham Crescent, Canton, All mod con with digital TV. Would suit postgraduate. £210 pcm. For more info contact Anna or Paul; (029) 20666174 or (07941) 506838.
MISCELLANEOUS Jodie Giles: you signed up at the Freshers Fayre, we lost your details... because we’re losers. Please get in touch – photographicsociety@cardiff.ac.uk. Love, the Photosoc. I’ve just realised I’m 20 stone lighter than I thought I was... and I’m gutted! We strongly advise you to go for that room that’s up for rent up there. No shit. We’d happily tell you why, but we don’t want to spoil your fun... OK, this is a bomb story that Popbitch subscribers will already have read. Gwyneth Paltrow and Ben Affleck are in the trailer together on the set of whatever the film they did together was (brain turned to mush, sorry). This other guy, a runner or something, is in there with them and starts getting very edgy when he notices Ben’s hand slowly making its way up the inside of Gwyneth’s leg. Ben gets to the top and triumphantly utters the immortal line, “Gwyneth, you have the finest growler!” It’s the emphasis on the ‘the’ that does it for me... not sure why. The only problem we have with this story is that ‘growling at the badger’ has
become a popular euphemism for cunnilingus in here. Which means that if Affleck were to spend time in the GR office (it could happen) we’d end up talking about “growling at the growler,” which would just be confusing. And there’s also the factor of the Grey Growlers, Madge’s erstwhile cricket team in Neighbours, to take into account. Oh what a tangled web we weave. Ossie, Jamie or a fistful of metal... the choice is yours. Nice one Ford. “Buy me another drink...” Nah brah, buy your own. Or steal your own. This week we’ve been listening to: incredible new Aphex album; incredible new A Silver Mt Zion album; Rapeman album (from back in the day); McLusky single (BUY IT); the best of Ol’ Dirty Bastard (FREE ODB!); Herman Dune album (even we’re not that depressed mind); old compilation of stuff on Trax Records (great); Zabrinski new album (bomb as fuck); Bluetip new one (not bad); the screams of tortured souls as they sink into the abyss. Skill. Thanks to Sam Hughes for writing in. We’re decent looking but I think sci-fi kinda blows (can’t speak for Nick mind). Also you didn’t give yr number. While we’re on the subject of things that only geeks like, get the Brothomstates album and any Evan Dorkin comics. 100% bomb. Score to those who scored.
While stocks last
Get your gamecard with every pint of GUINNESS Pints of GUINNESS and GUINNESS merchandise to be won
www.cardiffstudents.com
Opening hours:-
Monday - Saturday Sunday
11.00am - 1.00am 7.00pm - 10.30pm
gairrhydd, Monday 22 October 2001
F
GRipe GRipe
Comment ●11
Un-Behr-able
or the lazy sector of student society, i.e. those who do not work, Saturday mornings mean one thing – kids TV. Lying in bed with last night’s pizza and a coffee is especially entertaining now, since the BBC are churning out numerous tactics to beat ITV1’s SMTV Live. The dwindling audience figures for Live and Kicking earlier this year, meant the BBC had to rethink its autumn line-up. The result: The Saturday Show. The show is billed as being fresh, risky and even a bit naughty. Perhaps this billing coincides with the decision to let Dani Behr co-host the show. Behr, mostly remembered for presenting Channel 4’s controversial programme, The Word, believes she will be injecting an alternative edge into children’s TV. “I do not like being a patronising and cheesy presenter...I will talk to them like I talk to adults,” she announced. Oh dear, let’s hope she is not referring to the new Kylie video. Just as Miss Minogue changes into an outfit no bigger than a pocket dictionary, the screen cuts away, leaving Behr saying “Ooooh, bring it on”. Behr’s partner-in-crime, Joe Mace wowed bosses with his madcap style on Top of the Pops Plus. Obviously he is perfect for the segment called ‘Risk’, where kids try to win a prize with the risk of losing one of their own possessions. One show was particularly painful, when a girl witnessed her favourite teddy being shredded.
An important feature of The Saturday Show is its inclusion of an ‘in-house’ band. The plucky popsters even play instruments (David Letterman would be proud).
Oi Behr No! Get out of my face, I want Ant ‘n’ Dec you silly mare!
The band is nameless at the moment, but this is the best bit...you the audience get to nominate names so scribble your answers on a postcard now. If the winner is (un)lucky, they can visit
flatmates have never known – i am told is “life experience” that we have gained, again “apparently”! In short, i feel just as lost as everyone else at the moment and that in itself bridges the gap between student and mature student. In short my transition from member of the workforce to student was easier than i thought, and this mostly is down to my flatmates in halls, but also to the amazing array of societies and social events that Cardiff Uni offers to anyone and everyone – young or old! In three weeks, i have learnt not to discount people because of their age (this is all sounding too idealistic now). I have been really surprised with people i have met. There’s been some ‘spot on’ people – which i think everyone should feel very smug about as it demonstrated what a forward thinking ‘generation x’ type of person is studying at Cardiff. For that, lovely reader, you should pat yourself on the back.
live, like many students, in Cathays, and the days and nights are often punctuated by the familiar sound of sirens. With the news of another attack in this area, I am beginning to wonder why so many students are targeted, and what is being done about it? As a third year, I have experienced and contemplated many things about my student lifestyle. There are a few unsettling generalities I have noticed in Cardiff which are perhaps repeated in student cities across the country. The first is that as a group, students are often regarded by their local community with suspicion, disrespect and sometimes even fear. The reasons for this are not hard to imagine. Drunken vandalism, violence, a general disregard for their neighbours and a certain tendency to line the street with vomit by the minority, all contribute towards this state of affairs. As a group, we are alienated from those around us by such behaviour, and as with all groups which isolate themselves, vulnerable to attack. In addition, students often have very little to do with the ‘real’ Cardiff. We live in the same run down, cheap areas around the University and Albany Road, go to Union events, and venture into town for Student Nights. Everywhere we go we ask for a student discount. With so little contact, or effort of contact with the local population, we isolate ourselves even further. Not only this, but as many Freshers may be starting to realise, Wales is a Whole Other Country. And not all Welsh people are that keen on their English neighbours. For many a sheltered white middle class English student, this may be their first real encounter with racism. For reasons historical or contemporary, there is a real racist element in Wales who threaten, abuse, and as we have read in last week’s Gair Rhydd, been violent to English people. Racists are a shameful aspect of humanity, whether they are English attacking Welsh, or Welsh attacking English. There is no excuse for racism, especially not on the grounds of patriotism or nationalism. However the two are often confused by the less astute, as some might confuse my statements here as proclaiming the Welsh a racist nation. Nothing could be further from the truth, as anyone who lives here can testify. So what have I learnt about life in Cardiff? We are told; never walk home alone, especially if you are a man/woman/English/Welsh/gay/different in any respect whatsoever. So perhaps a taxi would be best? After the sexual attacks of last year, this is still inadvisable, especially for the much targeted Women. Walk home in a group, then? Not always possible, and as we have seen, not always a deterrent to attackers. What is to be done? The solution is difficult to define. The advice we are given is contradictory, ineffective and impractical to a normal life. I have never once seen a police officer patrolling down Cathays, despite it being an obvious problem area. Perhaps our local MP’s regard us as a temporary, politically apathetic population which can be ignored as we’ll be gone in a few years, but surely our own Union could make the walk home safer? The Mini-bus isn’t the answer, imagine if we all tried to catch that dinky little bus home. We need people on the streets, ensuring good student behaviour after the Union closes, and safe streets for all. I want to feel safe in a City I love, and I want the local residents to feel the same. I don’t feel this is too much to ask from the ‘civilised society’ that our politicians are currently crowing about to the Afghans, as we bomb their tired cities into rubble.
Melinda O’Neill
Holly Myers
the show and sit in their waltzerstyle pods, fidgeting with the interactive voting pads! The true fun however, lies with SMTV. Since 1998, the cult show has developed a firm 2.5 million fan base. Fronted by the inseparable duo, Ant and Dec and with the help of Cat Deely, the trio genuinely sizzle with chemistry. Children find their comic timing and exaggerated gestures irresistible, whilst adults can appreciate the ad-libbing and euphemisms (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Even SMTV sponsor, Ambrosia is endearing, with all those cute little ‘yummies’ running loose, before they are ‘splatooned’. The first head-to-head saw The Saturday Show reeling in a paltry 14.5% audience share compared to SMTV’s 35.2%. The former lacked the star-studded line-up of Britney Spears and Robbie Williams, opting instead for the aloof Sophie Ellis Bextor. It is still early days, but with Behr and Mace promising to provide “maximum mayhem” and make Saturdays “sexy”, the future seems uncertain for the BBC show. The underlying problem is that it is a wannabe of other shows. Trying to be a junior So Graham Norton or TFI Friday is tricky. Kids should be kids. Remember: it’s more fun to play ‘Wonkey Donkey’ than watch Dani Behr in a nurse’s uniform making an ass of herself every week. Lori White
New Kid on the Talybont Block
S
eptember 23 2001 – judgement day. After four gap years, a failed attempt at Uni, numerous, un-challenging temping assignments and a couple of travelling stints, my cosy, unchallenged, (slighty) hedonistic lifestyle was about to change in a way that would ultimately effect the rest of my life - University. Leaving behind a boyfriend, a regular wage and friends, Cardiff was to be my new home, choosing it, as it boasted a mature student population comprising of 12% of the total student population. Having mentally prepared for this day for three years, i was unprepared for what i was about to experience. A great feeling of loneliness enveloped me as my Dad drove off, back to cosy Winchester, whilst i was left to deal with the Tesco Economy sized mess that was now my life, in my cell at Talybont. Being a mature student comes with all the benefits that everyone experiences – meeting new people, experiencing new events, but there
are notable differences. Whilst a mature student has more than likely worked for a few years and perhaps travelled, even set up a home, coming to University at a time when perhaps we should be pursuing careers is a very daunting thought, Prior to coming to Cardiff, the thought of shared accommodation with drunken 18 year olds was not appealing this was my penance for 4 years out of education, avoiding academic responsibility. i worried too, that i would stand out in the sense that i looked older. Both of these concerns were soon allayed as after a few days, my flatmates were starting to demonstrate endearing, warm, outgoing, friendly and most importantly humourous personalities, without a drunken, shandy drinker in sight...success. Being a mature student is not any easier than being a student of college age. In general it’s not much harder, i would assume, except for odd exceptions where i find myself making references in vain and singing along to songs that my
Cathays in crisis I
Music review Ben and Jason live at the Barfly
Film profile Julia Roberts
Games Freakout on the PS2
Cream of the Crop T h e n e w F i l m t e a m re v i e w t h e i r f a v o u r i t e movies Final Fantasy • Rockstar Ate My Hamster • SFA’s • Urban Shakedown • Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci Inside: Get There! The ultimate guide to Cardiff and beyond!
Contents
02. Get There Small but perfectly formed
04. Arts
Our weekly dose of all things cultural, courtesy of those lovely Arts types. This week, they reviews some Japanese dance and Star quality at the New Theatre
Get There
02
H
ello again, children, and welcome to the all new, improved, factually accurate and pithier than ever Get There! These hallowed pages contain everything tou need to survive life in our fair city of Cardiff. Assuming, of course, that all you do is go out, drink, watch bands and catch movies. Check out our new Societies section, and find out what’s worth the door tax and what’s not, with our suitably glib previews. Get Hip - Get There!
Union
Books review the Booker Prize and a book that is looking to take the girly crown off Bridget Jones
Monday 15/10
Fun Factory @ Solus 9pm, free. With ‘Beat the Clock’ promotions running from 9-11pm. Shed Seven @ The Great Hall (See Live Music)
Pulse @ Zeus Has cheap booze, but so does Spar, and you wouldn’t go there for a night out, would you? Alternative Beats @ The End... 8pm-11pm. Courtesy of the naffly named DJ Pete. Exit Club Gay Venue. Chart and Dance. Singles Night @ Life Looking for love? Try this. Or the Fantasy Lounge. Fantasy Lounge Women, lonely men, poles etc... 2-4-1 Night @ Flares Does what it says on the tin. Offya Face @ Metros 9pm-2am, £2 b4 10.30pm. Alternative NUS night. Boozeday @ Reds Glamorgan Union night. Enjoy. Latin Dance Party @ The Toucan 8.30pm-2am. Latin music, dancing, party vibe. Obviously.
06. Film
Wednesday 17/10
Wednesday 24/10
05. Books
FILM discover Atlantis and rate new romantic comedy Legally Blonde
09. Music
They interview Spiral Stairs! They review Ben & Jason, SFA and The Charlatans! They Rock! They’re Music!
13. Games Games rate World Championship Snooker & X-Men 2: Mutant Acadamy
15. TV Guide
Does what it say’s on the tin. Sort of. But hey, who needs proper listings when we give you a laugh
GRiP Editor Sarah Hodson GRiP Editor John Bayley Arts Lizzie Brown and LaDonna Hall Books D.C. Gates Film Jonathan Steven Games James Morley and Chris Faires Music Gemma Curtis and Maria Lane Get There Luke Holland TV Listings Charlotte Martyn, Noel Gardner, Nick Harrison GRiP needs your help! We are overworked and losing our minds. Visit our media penthouse on the 4th floor of the Union or • E-mail ssugr1@cardiff.ac.uk • Hear us speak 029 2078 1434/6
It’s probably fair to say that if you’re actually taking the time to read this, that you are either (a) extremely bored, or (b) have no friends and look for the faintest succour of emotional connection in the ramblings of the comparably lifeless ‘Get There’ team. Either way, you need to get out more. These listings may well help you in your quest..
Jive Hive @ Solus 9pm-1am, £2.50. The midweek look back in time with loads of ‘60s and ‘70s tunes for all you sports fans to go crazy to.
Thursday 18/10
Replay @ Solus 9pm, £2 Chart madness. People drink, smile and are generally happy. Dirt cheap drinks to boot.
Friday 19/10
Lashtastic @ Solus 9pm, £2. Drink-friendly cheese abounds. People drink, dance, smile and occasionally vomit. Mine’s a large one. Hammered @ Seren Las A night of metal, rock, ska and punk madness, courtesy of those lovely people at Offyaface!
Sunday 21/10
Java @ Seren Las (Coffee *1) 7-11pm, Free Entry. Suitably chilled Sunday shindig, with the Hustler AllStars seal of approval. Wine less than a fiver a bottle, and liquer only £1 a shot. Andy Loveless mans the decks with his usual flair, and this week a live jazz band rounds things off. Cor blimey!
Clubbing Monday 22/10
Rational Thinking @ The End... 8pm-11pm. Drum ‘n’ Bass on a Monday. Great. Big Jugs @ Bar Med ‘Til 11.30pm. Big Jugs! Get it? Guru Vibrations @ Berlins 9pm-2am. Soul, funk, hip-hop and, er, 80’s. NUS only. One Mission @ Cafe Calcio 8pm til late. Cracking night, cracking venue. Cheese on Toast @ Cuba 9pm-2am, Free b4 10pm. Student night, obviously. MAD @ Dylan’s 8pm-1am. Well worth a look. Maybe. Or not. At all. Exit Club Gay venue. Chart and Dance. Fantasy Lounge Erotic dancing! Pole dancing! Lap dancing! Sad! Student ‘Night Fever’ @ Flares Til 2am. £1 drinks all night. Fight at kicking out time optional. Salsa Classes @ Latino’s Classes from 7.30pm, disco 10pm til midnight. Universal @ Liquid 9.30pm-2am. Student night, £1 a pint. A Vibrant Thing @ R.S.V.P. R&B, soul, swing, garage. No hats/caps. Honestly. DJ Mix Selector @ Sam’s Bar £2-£5 entry. Open deck DJ session. Toucan Club 8pm-2am. Chilled out jazzy beats.
Tuesday 23/10
Rock Inferno @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9pm-2am. Rock, metal, goth. See ya there, then. Hoochy Koochy @ The Emporium 9pm-2am, £1 b4 10pm/£2. Student madness! Salsa night @ Cuba 9pm-2am, Entry varies, Salsa classes from 8pm, Dylan’s Loves 80’s @ Dylan’s Selected drinks 80p. Still rubbish.
The Cheesey Club / The Milky Bar / Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9.30pm-2am. £2/£2.50 after 11pm. Come and dance like Jarvis, strut like Liam or look short and fat like James Dean Bradlfield! Student Night @ Bar Ice 9pm-2am. Late bar, drinks promotions. Party night @ Cuba 9pm-2am, free entry, Carlsberg £1 a bottle, Bacardi £1.50 a bottle. Down to It @ Berlins 9pm-2am. R & B and Garage. There’s original! Uni-Sex @ Club X 10pm-2am. Gay Venue. Student Night Cross The Tracks @ Cuba 9pm-2am. Free Entry. Soul, Funk and Old Skool. Toucan Acoustic Sessions @ Toucan Club 8pm-2am. Open mic, hosted by Little Miracle. Fantasy Lounge More women dance. The Boogie Box @ Flares Karaoke. ‘Nuff said. Latin Night @ Life Bar Cafe 2-4-1 drinks offers and dancing. National Student Night @ Evolution 9.30pm-2am. Carlsberg £1, all spirits £1, all other drinks £1.50. Wipeout @ Reds Bob Monkhouse hosts popular daytime quiz in Cardiff bar. Maybe. Uprising @ The Roxy 10pm-2am. £3. Dub, ska, reggae and roots. The Warning @ Metros 8pm-2am. Ska / Punk extravaganza in cool but smelly club. Handbag 120 @ Zeus 9pm-2am. Best avoid.
Thursday 25/10
Student Night @ Bar Ice 9pm-2am. Late night bar and drinks offers. Hard House @ The End... DJ Jomec does the honours. (Get it?) Disco Inferno @ Zeus 9pm-2am, £3/£2 NUS, 70s stuff. Zzzz. Beyond The Calico Wall @ Clwb Ifor Bach 10pm-2am, free. Fantabulous night – well worth a look. Plush @ Emporium Anything with a groove, says the press release. Fantasy Lounge You know the score by now. What A Feeling @ Flares 70’s fun and games, open til 2am. From the Hip @ Incognito 8pm-1am. House and Dance. Old School Funk @ Is It? Cafe. Bar. Place Open til 1am. Old Skool night, but you can’t wear trainers or caps. You do the math. Soul Power @ Liquid 9pm-2am. Soul and R & B, with Trevor Nelson every other week. Spellbound @ Metros 9pm-2am. 2-4-1 cocktails, metal early on, then indie classics. Hooray! Cabaret @ Minsky’s Show Bar Noel from Hear’Say once dressed as a daffodil here. Nowadays, men dress as women and act a bit gay. Some things never change, I suppose. Contact venue for more info. Student Night @ Oz Bar 9pm-1am. Dance music, £1 entry. Probably shit. Med-Club @ Reds 9pm-2am. The most ‘up for it’ party in town, apparently. Personally, I’d rather stuff melons up my bottom.
Friday 26/10
Precinct @ Clwb Ifor Bach 10pm, £8/£6. Information (07950) 345791. The splendid Andrew Weatherall this week, along with Precinct residents and Cakemix DJ’s. Bar 150 @ Zeus 9pm-3am. Favourite party choons and games. US Garage @ The End... 8pm-11pm, With DJ Gavin. Great. Fever @ Barfly DJ Mike with a selection of indie classics. Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Turntables @ Berlins 8pm-2am. Chart, garage and R&B. No trainers. Foreplay @ Club X 10pm-3am. Gay Venue. Chart and pumping house. Weekend Madness @ Cuba Til 2am. Red hot Latin grooves, by all accounts. Big Bash @ Dylan’s Smart dress code, expensive drinks and duff music. Enjoy. Chaos @ Metros 9pm-3am, alternative student night. No dress code, cheap booze and good tunes. Doctors and Nurses theme tonight, which should be worth a look, if only to see young girls dressed as...er... nurses. Robots Eat My Face @ Oz Bar (downstairs) 9pm-1am, £1. Stoner rock/posthardcore/absolute arse night. Silly name, too. ROAR @ Evolution 9pm-4am. £10 or £8 NUS. Lisa Pin-Up and Rob Tissera are ably assisted by residents Jimpy and Damien Lee. Cool House @ Las Iguanas 9pm-1am. US & UK house. Simon Player and Phil Brobin guest this week. Exit Club Gay Venue. Commercial chart and dance. Get Down and Groove @ Flares Til 2am. Funky disco, by all accounts. Moda @ Rajah’s 8.30pm-midnight. Groovy pre-club night. Twin Scene @ Reds No denim, no trainers, no-one under 21, no good music. No point, then, really. Heavy Metal @ The Roxy 10pm-4am. £5. Unsurprisingly, heavy metal. The Mothership Convention @ The Toucan 8pm-2am. Live funk, and mixing madness courtesy of Kris Jenkins, Bones and Dave Grooveslave. Well good, actually.
Saturday 27/10
Fever @ Barfly 10.30pm-2am. Indie classics and lager. Deliciously Wicked @ Berlins 8pm-2am. Yet another R&B/Garage night, with trainers outlawed as usual. Great. Deep Heat @ Club X 10pm-4am. £4-£7. Gay venue. 6 rooms, 3 floor balcony, games room & garden terrace. Well worth a look! The Big Party @ Dylan’s 8pm-1am. The party sounds like a great idea. Sadly, it’s in Dylan’s. L’America @ The Emporium 10pm-4am. £10. US House & Garage. Funky Techno @ The End... 8pm-11pm, with One Mission DJ’s. The Betty Ford Guest List @ Metros 9pm-3am, £3 b4 10.30pm. Top alternative night. Hombu 9pm-1am. Free. Tip top and happening night of breaks, beats and house. Weekend Madness @ Bar Cuba 10pm-2am. £2/£4. DJ Andy Loveless Twin Scene @ Reds Same as Friday, only more expensive! Hooray! Glam Night @ The Roxy 10pm-4am. £5. Expect an orgy of all things glam. Apart from Gary Glitter, of course. Club Class Latino @ The Toucan Club 8pm-2am. Latino, world beats and rare grooves. Desire @ Zeus 9pm-3am. Aaaagggghhhh! The Horror!
Get There
Live Music
White Stripes good, Starsailor bad. With this simple adage in mind, we give you the LIve Music listings.
Monday 22/10
Cinerama @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9.00pm, £8 adv. David Gedge, formerly of indie legends The Wedding Present, stops off at Cardiff with new project Cinerama. Sounds a bit like Serge Gainsbourg by all accounts, so go take a look. Jazz Attic @ Cafe Jazz 8.00pm, £1.50. Open mic for Jazz players, with resident rythm section. Sekta Core pluss support @ Barfly From 7.30pm, £5 Ska-punk from Mexico. Top marks for that alone. Not sure what they sound like, though. Shed Seven @ Cardiff University Student’s Union Tickets: £12.50 adv. They’ve been around longer than anyone can remember, written off by the music press on a regular basis, but somehow Shed Seven still pull the crowds. Trendy they may not be, but go along and you’ll be amazed at the number of songs you not only recognise, but actually like. And it keeps Rick Witter off the streets.
Tuesday 23/10
Orange Can + Star Shaped Creatures @ Barfly 7.30pm. £4. Maria from Music quite likes these lot. Spankboy plus support @ Sam’s Bar 8pm. Price TBC.
Wednesday 24/10
Beachbuggy + The Martini Henry Rifles + Lunar Tool 7.30pm, £4. The Martini Henry Rifles rock, and Lunar Tool did it for me last time I saw them. There again, so did O cean Colour Scene, so you might want to make your own mind up. Dick Roberts Trio with Frasier Alibone @ The Riverbank Hotel 9pm, FREE. Out of town and out of the ordinary, but these guys are fucking ace! Call (0290) 20496802 for more info.
Cinema Showtimes Chapter Arts Centre (Canton) Until 26/10 Tel: 029 20304400 The Pledge 2.30 (Weds only), 6.15 (Thurs Only), 8.00 (Mon, Tues, Weds). The Swamp 2.30 (Thurs only), 7.30pm.
UCI Cardiff Bay Until 26/10 Tel: 08700 102030 Atlantis 11.20, 13.40, 16.05, 18.30, 21.05 America’s Sweethearts 13.45, 16.15, 18.45, 21.15 American Pie 2 13.10, 14.05, 15.45, 16.30, 18.00, 19.05, 20.45, 21.35 Jeepers Creepers 14.15, 15.30, 16.45, 18.15, 19.15 (Not TUes & Weds), 20.45, 21.45, The Score 20.50 (Mon Only), 21.30 (Tues Only) Amelie 15.00, 18.15, 21.00 Moulin Rouge 11.50, 14.45, 17.40, 20.30 Enigma 18.35, 21.20 Intimacy UCI Directors Chair Special - Tuesday Only 19.00 Brotherhood of the Wolf 12.00, 15.15, 18.30, 21.30 Dr. Doolittle 2 11.35, 13.30
03 Gwacamoli + Cainer + Keaf + Kona @ Sam’s Bar 8.00pm, Price TBC. James Taylor Quartet plus support @ The Point 8.00pm, £13, adv ticket available. No denying that these guys are funky, but does the world really need another re-working of the Starsky & Hutch theme? Probably not. New Druids @ The Toucan Club 8pm, £2/£3. Surprisingly splendid acoustic duo, one half of which has voice that Nick Drake would die for. If he wasn’t already dead, that is. If they’re playing their own stuff your in for a treat, if cover versions are the order of the day, it should still be well worth a listen.
Thursday 25/10
The Amigos @ Mulligans 8pm, FREE. Not really worth bothering about, but we’re a bit short on Live Music listings. In fact, this whole sentence is merely a ploy to fill up a bit of space. Thanks for reading it. Fool. Jimjam Jam Session @ The Royal Oak, Broadway 8pm, FREE. Tip-top open mic night, at the coolest pub in the whole of Cardiff. The pub is like a museum, the beer is cheap and tasty, and the music simply marvellous. Go! Manchild @ Barfly 7.30pm, £5. Bonzer dance related shenanigins, not as good as it could be, but not as bad as it should be. Possibly.
Friday 26/10
Easy Money @ The Wharf 9.30pm, FREE. Rock and pop covers. Might be brilliant, more likely to be complete arse. Huggy @ The Toucan Club 8.00pm, £5/£6. Relish + Medium 21 @ The Barfly 7.30pm, price tbc. Not quite sure who these lot are, so please feel free to think of your own snidey comment. Strictly Quo @ Callaghans Irish Bar 8.30pm, FREE. Status Quo tribute band. Can it be as bad as the real thing? Go and see for yourself. Alternatively, sit at home and stick pins in your eyes.
Saturday 27/10
Sirius B @ The Toucan Club 8pm, £6/£5 Tystion + Bronx River DJ’s + Invisible Ninja Storm + Monkey Tennis DJ’s @ Clwb Ifor Bach 10pm £6/£4. Tystion rock far more than any Welsh language rappers have a right to, and the support is top notch too. Go and watch this!
Sunday 28/10
Acoustic Jam @ The Toucan Club 8pm, FREE. Tom Hingley + Leaf @ Sam’s Bar 8pm, price tbc. Like watching a senile grandfather trying to feed himself, Tom Hingley continues to limp around the UK playing old Inspiral Carpet songs badly. Nothing, though, can prepare you for the sheer horror that is his solo material. Avoid as you would a plague of foot long sewer rats.
Societies It’s great! It’s free! It’s (sort of) new! It’s the societies listings bit! Feel free to send any listings to the Gair Rhydd office via email, post or (if you’re feeling really brave) in person.
Dancesport
EVERY TUESDAY Lessons take place in Solus. Advanced / Intermediate: 6pm-7pm. Beginners: 7.10pm-8.30pm.
European Experience Society
THURSDAY OCTOBER 25th Welcome party, free to Members, and only £1.50 for guests! Free wine while it lasts. You can sign up on the night, or contact europeanexperience@cf.ac.uk for more info. Night kicks off at 7.30pm.
United Nations Association
WEDNESDAY 24th OCTOBER Social / welcome evening for all those interested in all things UN. Meet like minded people, and grab something to eat and drink. Starts at 6.15pm, @ The Temple of Peace (King Edward VII Avenue, between Bute and Redwood Buildings).
SHAG Drop In
MONDAY, TUESDAY & FRIDAY 1pm-4pm in the Student Volunteering Centre.
Ski and Snowboard Club
Gair Rhydd
Indie Society
Gair Rhydd Photography
EVERY MONDAY Meet at the back of the Union at 5.40pm for training and lessons. All welcome, but please sign up on the noticeboard first. EVERY TUESDAY Holiday bookings taken in the Meeting Rooms from 6.30pm to 7.30pm.
WEDNESDAY 24th OCTOBER A pub crawl for all indie music types, kicking off at 7.30pm in the Mackintosh.
Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Society
EVERY WEDNESDAY (BEGINNING 31st OCTOBER) Come along to the weekly meeting, in meeting room three of the Student’s Union. Things start at 8.30pm. For more info email lgb@cf.ac.uk
ALL DAY, EVERY DAY! Come and write for Gair Rhydd, and let your long suffering Sections Editor get some sleep. Feel free to pop in and see us in out Media Penthhouse, armed with booze and Pro-Plus. Seriously, meeting times 2.15pm on Wednesdays for GRiP and 1.15pm on Mondays for News, Sport and Features.
Want to be a photographer extraordinaire? Want to get your pictures in the bible that is Gair Rhydd and have something to show for all that dicking around with a fun camera? Then come along to the newspaper photography meetings at 5.30pm on Monday in the media penthouse on the 4th floor, and you too could get your picture on the front page of the Gair Rhydd. Maybe...
Pink Assasins + Hot Puppies @ Barfly 7.30pm, £3.
Legally Blonde SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING 12.15, 14.30, 16.45, 19.00, 21.30 (All times Weds / Thurs only) Help, I’m a Fish 11.00, 13.00
UGC Cinema, Cardiff Until 26/10 Tel: 08709 070739 A.I. 10.40 1.40 5.00 8.00 Amelie 10.00 12.40 3.20 6.00 8.40 Enigma 10.10 12.50 3.20 5.50 8.30 The Fast And The Furious 11.40 2.00 4.40 7.00 9.30 Mike Bassett: England Manager 10.40 12.50 3.10 5.30 7.40 10.00 Moulin Rouge 10.00 12.30 3.20 6.10 9.00 Shiner 10.30 12.40 2.50 5.00 7.20 9.30 SW9 10.50 1.00 3.10 5.20 7.40 9.50 Original Sin 11.30 2.00 4.30(Not Thurs) 7.00(Not Thurs) 9.30(Not Thurs) Peaches 10.20 12.10 2.10 4.10 6.10 8.10 10.10 The Score 10.30 1.10 3.50 6.40 9.20 American Pie 2 10.10 11.30 12.30 2.00 3.00 4.30 5.50 7.00 8.20 9.30 The Pledge 10.00 12.40 3.20 6.00 8.50 Driven 11.50 2.20 4.50 7.20 9.50 Gonad Girls 11.00am 11.00pm (Fri Only) America’s Sweethearts 7.00 9.20 (Fri Only)
We are currently looking to recruit staff for the LGB phone line
02920 398 903
artsreviews
A question of life or death?
Part One of Arts’ exclusive coverage of the celebrations for Japan 2001 starts here... GEKIDAN KAITAISHA Barry Memorial Hall Shimizu Shinjin, the director of Gekidan Kaitaisha’s production, Bye-Bye: The New Primitive, said that he ‘made this production in order to resist the trend towards a “Theatre of Life”’. He claimed that it was in fact a “Theatre of Death”. To me, however, Bye-Bye was a powerful display of existence at its most raw and absolute. Never did theatre seem more alive. The audience witnessed the body being put through numerous tests of endurance, strength and control. On one occasion, a man slapped his bare legs for a painstakingly long time, and with such extreme force, that you witnessed his flesh turn red and raw. We were also made
pulsating. As she approached, you could also hear her breath quivering. I was transfixed by a sound that was so rudimentary and everyday, but one that we never really allow time to appreciate what it represents: life. Where was death? But Gekidan Kaitaisha were not just there to impress and entertain their audience with displays of mesmerizing discipline over their bodies. It was not enough to take the passive role; that is, ‘to sit back and enjoy the show’. Perhaps this accounted for the aching neck and sheer exhaustion of the mind I found myself with by the end! My body had been held so upright and alert in my concentrated efforts to absorb and understand what was being “said” to me. The body, Shinjin later revealed to us in a post show talk, is the only form
us while we are alive, Shinjin explains. Whereas our outward physical actions we can usually control and bring on ourself. Shinjin’s work leaves you questioning life. Are we to feel responsible and guilty about destructive forces such as war, globalisation, and the
The art is drenched in beauty, and the images simple but effective in willing the critic to look deeper aware of the body as a natural instrument of sound: in silence bodies collided and wrapped around each other with aggressive energy, the moment of approach, contact and release pressed upon your eardrum. On another instance, a woman moved frustratingly slowly towards the audience while her entire body was
suppression of the individual when we are powerless to engage with the violence and aggression that exists within us? Is death the answer then? Perhaps, but I had never felt more alive. Alice Barnsdale
04 HARRY HOLLAND Martin Tinney Gallery IF ART is your thing then there is a fantastic exhibition on at the moment. Venture down Windsor Place in town and you will find the Martin Tinney Gallery. Between the 12 October–3 November the gallery is showing the work of prestigious artist Harry Holland. Harry Holland was born in Glasgow in 1941 and between the years of 1965-1969 studied at St Martins School of Art, one of the most esteemed art schools in Britain. As of recent years however, Holland has been living and working in Wales. Holland’s record speaks for itself, with five exhibitions in Cardiff alone over the last decade and many international exhibitions, including a touring exhibition of Canada in 1976- 1978 covering thirteen Canadian states. If you doubted Holland his record speaks for his art! Holland’s art is compelling in its simplicity. The paintings are uncomplicated in their content and are never cluttered. Most of Holland’s art portrays women, and there seems to be a running theme of painting a woman and the studio that she poses in. This is an interesting effect to make use of, as you can no longer immerse yourself into a piece of Holland’s art as you can now see the props that create the image. Holland’s art also has an amazing photographic feel about it and you could almost believe that you are looking at a photo that has been layered in mist. Holland’s art is definitely not the most controversial I have ever seen, it does in fact seem to be reminiscent of Monet’s dreamy soft quality. The art is drenched in beauty, and the images are simple but effective in catching attention and willing the critic to look deeper into the art. Some of the pictures though beautiful have a distinct edge to the emotion in them and a closer reading leaves a sense of unease with the reader. The exhibition is certainly one to see and if you don’t enjoy the art, you at least know that you have seen a widely revered artist’s work. Though I would be at a loss to know why you couldn’t enjoy such beautiful images. The price of the art ranges from £1,300 to £12,000 so don’t fall in love with any particular picture too much. Then again there are worse things to spend your loan on… Natasha Hettihewa
of truth and thus, he believes, the only way we can describe the state of today. Bye-Bye, he said, has a ‘passive political message’; that is, the focus is on how we manage to control what is inside our body. The nervous system, which Japanese Butoh dance believes is the most important movement, is always inside of
Celebrity Status STAR QUALITY New Theatre CHRISTOPHER LUSCOMBE’S adaptation of Noel Cowards Star Quality brings us an almost realistic portrayal of behind the scenes of an up and coming West End show. Based in the dark and seedy theatrical underworld, the play highlights all the aspects of
GRiP
stage production you never really want or need to see. The elaborate scenery did not attempt to disguise the lack of plot. It did however provide an authentic revival of the golden 50’s era. The music and costume also added to the atmospheric vibe. Leading lady Penelople Keith gave an astoundingly believable performance of a
temperamental star. Best known for her television work in The Good Life and Next of Kin, we couldn’t help but feel that she was ever so slightly typecast. The ever- funny Una Stubbs did justice to her part as the dippy Marion auditioning for the part of Stella. Her varying intonation of voice and mannerisms brought great delight to the audience and added a breath of fresh
air to the scenes. We would love to describe the plot to you here, but unfortunately we were left in an utter state of confusion (and that wasn’t because of the drinks in the interval). There were many story-lines unfolding within the first act, which were never resolved, but had a lot of potential. Instead we were left with a tangled web of deceit, love and hatred woven into a series of lip, tongue and anal connections (just don’t even go there!). There were moments of intimacy, tension and damn fine acting, which were shattered by farcical twists in the script. To be fair the play wasn’t all that bad. The flowing set changes and musical interludes did not disrupt the continuity of the play, as the stage crew were dressed in periodic attire. The fight scene between the leading lady
In conclusion the play was pointless and overexaggerated herself and her director was particularly enthralling. It even came complete with pints of sweat, tears and spit. Overall it was a bit of an anti- climax, so a word of advice to you take a brolly. We are aware that we have been quite bitchy in this review and no we are not suffering from PMT therefore on a good note may we congratulate the director on a highly original ending. In conclusion the play was pointless, overexaggerated and not worth it, as you don’t go to the theatre to see the backstage work. Theatre is meant to be about a fantasy world, a place to escape to, and not a place that needs escaping from. Angela Singh and Laura Shirley
22.10.01
booksreviews
05
All eyes on the prize AFTER SEVERAL weeks of deliberation, the six nominees for the Booker Prize for Fiction were announced on Wednesday 17th October. The shortlisted books were number9dream, by David Mitchell, The Dark Room, by Rachel Seiffert, Hotel World by Ali Smith, True History of the Kelly Gang by Peter Carey, Oxygen by David Miller, and Atonement, by Ian McEwan. Carey’s book was the favourite with the bookmakers, coming in with 6-4 odds; despite this, Atonement was still the choice of most pundits, being considered the high point of McEwan’s career. Nevertheless, the bookies proved to be onto a winner, with Carey scooping the £21,000 prize. McEwan was reckoned to be the closest contender, with Miller described as coming ‘a distant third’. True History of the Kelly Gang is described as ‘the unforgettable voice of a vilified man’ by its supporters, and ‘a one-trick novel’ by its detractors, only taking the lead over Atonement by vitrue of a more polished style. Having read some extracts of the novel, your correspondent can compare it in style and ambience to The Collected Works of Billy the Kid, by Michael Ondaatje, a similar work of fiction based on a historical character, and hopefully True History...is just as exhilarating. The Booker Prize was established in 1968 by the Booker Group, as a link between big business and literature. There are five judges, and the shortlist is announced in August. Both McEwan and Carey have previously won the prize – the former in 1998 with Amsterdam, the latter in 1988 with Oscar and Lucinda – but the decision was reported as having been made without quarrel or violent disagreement.
W
HEN COMPARED to the worlds of film, art, sport, and music (hell, might as well put games in here and all), the ceremonies and prizes awarded to authors of
CAREY: “Bonza! I love a good balti, me”
note just do not carry the same weight of expectation. You’ll never catch Fay Weldon gushing forth like Gwyneth Paltrow, and Alan Bennet is unlikely to climb up on stage and moon at Hanif Kureshi. And people just don’t stay up all night for the highlights of the Nobel Prize for literature. Still, the decisions of the panel have resonance in literary circles, and without them programmes such as Late Review and the arts pages of the broadsheets would have much more space to fill (you are reading an example of such practice, believe it or not). Also, such awards are priceless when it comes to starting feuds and bad blood, as well as occasionally providing a struggling writer with some much-needed financial aid. However, the knowledge that the winner of the Booker Prize was to be announced last Wednesday (last night at the time of writing) had escaped your correspondent until the last minute. Unlike the spheres of entertainment mentioned above, literature is not bolstered by media saturation and mass exposure. Generally, most people don’t want to watch programmes on television about books when they could read them instead,
Moja Rising
STANDING ROOM ONLY Eva Rice (Flame)
EVA RICE, daughter of Tim and face of Miss Selfridge, is following in the footsteps of Naomi Campell: moving into music and writing a novel (‘how exciting!’ I hear you cry). I’m sure this fact alone has sold you – after all, Swan is becoming a cult classic [not whilst I’m editing the page Books Desk] – of course we need another heartwarming tale by another ex-model and It-girl. Lydia feels 23 going on 40. Bored of her days, spent in her job of tour-guiding children around the dinosaur exhibits of a London museum; bored of her nights spent propping up All Bar One; bored of her friends, bored of her life. The nineties are passing her by, until she meets Felix and everything changes. Felix: adorable, tortured and very, very rich. Son of a famous actress, and guitarist in Moja, perhaps the greatest band in the world...Ever! – if only they had a record deal. In steps Lydia. She believes in Moja and knows that only she can make them succeed, despite having no knowledge of the music business. So, naturally, she quits her job, abandons her friends and becomes the band’s manager. Within two weeks
GRiP
the band has a deal and Lydia has a boyfriend. Standing Room Only is a lying down, frying in the sun with a Solero book. A sitting on the bus to work book. A curled up warm in your bed with the Cardiff winter safely outside book. Standing Room Only is filled with late nineties references – from Muller Fruit Corners to Julia Roberts wandering around Notting Hill – and with every outfit described in detail, it’s like reading a nostalgia TV tie-in. (Ahh! Remember platforms and boys in sarongs!) Think I Love ‘90’s crossed with Heartbreak High whenever one of them decided that they were the next Madonna and you get the gist. It’s not great literature, but its well-written and easy to read, with some funny moments. Light and glossy, it’s trash, but in a good way. A little day-dream about becoming famous. A bit of boy-meets-girl, a bit of glitz and Prada, a bit of fame and learning to fly, and mostly a bit of product placement. (Eva Rice’s band is called - oh, the surprise - Moja.) A ‘rock and roll fairytale’ that’ll make train journeys whizz by. It’s airport reading, chick-lit, a chicken royale with mayo rather than a limp hamburger, but fast food all the same. Not worth buying, but worth getting the Marie-Claire or Elle it will no doubt come free with next summer. Miriam Nicholson
and the only types of books that are actually advertised – in print or otherwise – are those that will already sell, such as big-name science fiction novels. In most cases, the winner is someone who is already recognised, and does not need the money. So what is the point of literary awards? The idea that some books are inherently more ‘valuable’ than others, whether this be in terms of influence, style, merit or popularity, is neither new nor much contested. Most major religions have, or had, their canons of holy or sanctioned books, ranging from guides to war to recipe books (oh yes, and old favourites like the Koran and the Bible). In much the same way there have been profane and sinful books. However, these distinctions and approvals were as much cultural as religious decisions, and as the influence of religion waned so did the
common opinion of these canonic texts. However, the most popular exponent of an established literary canon was T.S. Eliot. For him, the works of Shakespeare or Paradise Lost are obviously more relevant and valuable to literature than newer, more initially popular works such as crime novels and comic books – it is the process of time and the opinions of competent writers who should determine what is allowed into the fold. Unfortunately, this viewpoint is essentially biased, with the choice of ‘established’ authors tending towards the reactionary. The canon, as such, generally consists of titles written by white males with privileged backgrounds, or else books which have been judged to be significantly difficult so that only the “right’ sort of people will understand them. As with any kind of prize, there will never be decisions to satisfy everyone with an interest in the subject. The awarding of a prize may well carry acumen, but what does this do for the experience of reading itself? Check your bookshelf. How many of them were the recipients of prizes, especially major awards? Some, maybe, but what kind of recommendation do you trust – that of
What has a prize got to do with actually reading a book? academics and pundits, or of friends, authors you already like, or your own investigation? The impulse to pick up a book and start reading should be your own, and no amount of canonisation should be allowed to override the tastes of the individual. So congratulations to Peter Carey, but let’s hope that he finds more recognition in the enjoyment that his work gives to his readers. David Gates
Restaurant & Takeaway We extend our warm welcome to all our customers. We are committed to serve high quality cuisine & service at all times. Our customers have recommended us as the best value Balti House in Cardiff. So why not experience our hospitality today for the true taste of Bangladeshi cuisine. All major credit cards accepted
SIT IN DISCOUNT
(Excludes Drinks and Desserts)
TAKE-AWAY DISCOUNT
The Balti Cuisine 2 can eat for £19.95
Starter: Main:
Mixed starter Chicken Tikka Massalla Chicken Karahi, Pillau Rice, Nan Drinks: Bottle of House Wine
(Other discounts do not apply to promotional offer)
103, Woodville Road • Cathays • Cardiff
✆ (029) 2022 8863
2022 8863 ✆ (029) Mobile 07813 211235
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK AT 6PM 103 Woodville Road • Cathays • Cardiff
22.10.01
g gamesreviews
06
Get Your Freak On
FREAKOUT Treasure (PS2)
T
REASURE ARE a company that make video games. Not simulations, comedy cash-in kart racers, interactive movies or franchise vehicles, but video games. Wonderfully crafted abstract worlds in which the player can truly play. Responsible for some of the most memorable, uncompromising and idiosyncratic video games of the past ten years, Treasure have a sterling reputation among most gamers. Recent Dreamcast (and N64) blaster Bangai-o, which reinvented the 2D shoot ‘em up with an on-screen festival of micro-mayhem, sprite-based genocide and devious puzzles, buffed that reputation into a dazzling blingbling sheen. Freak Out aka Stretch Panic aka Hyper Linda, however, comes woefully close to smearing a bit of poo over said stature. Before we delve into that poo, however, here’s a brief and typically quirky Treasure synopsis: Once upon an intro, there was a girl called Linda, whose 12 sisters were as vain and narcissistic as can be. One day, whilst returning from a shopping errand for her siblings, the self-effacing Linda returns to find her sisters being by abducted by 12 demons and their otherworldly promises of infinite beauty (unholy Avon Ladies, if you like). With the help of a possessed and macabre neck scarf, Linda must venture into the demons’ dimension to rescue her family and trounce the evil within by defeating the hideous marionettes that her sisters have become. Freak Out takes place in a solidly coherent and unique world where, thanks to a particularly lithe game engine, everything can be grabbed, pinched, squeezed, goosed and plucked by the spindly and elasticated fingers of Linda’s scarf. Enemies, trees,
outcrops, walls – anything can be grasped and twisted, sheared, deformed or used for purchase through the use of this scarf, and it’s a brilliantly implemented control system that uses both Dual Shock nipples to an almost tangible effect. Aesthetically, Treasure have imbued the world with a nightmarish kindergarten quality – think Brothers Grimm meets the Power Puff Girls. One particularly memorable scene is the hub level, which acts as the centroid of the gaming world and a foyer into each boss encounter; a circular room detailed by constantly shifting hand-drawn monochrome scribbles, seemingly scraped into the surface of your telly by a gimlet eyed loon. It helps set the tone of an otherworldly cartoon, a fairy-tale-gone-rotten, and is part of what must be one of the most visually unique PS2 titles. Besides the successive boss encounters (these are the game, by the way), there are a handful of spartan "EX" levels, in which Linda must earn the points that will open the doors to said confrontations. It’s here that the crackpipe brainwaves of Treasure are most prominent – employ the scarf to earn points by twanging the bikini straps of beach babes with comedy breasts the size of space hoppers. Watching these women spin their bosoms as makeshift rotors in order to take flight is truly one of gaming’s greatest spectacles. There’s only one thing wrong with Freak Out – it’s abysmally short. Metal Gear Solid was fairly abrupt, granted, but the amount of actual game contained within Freak Out is stunted to the point of it being an abridged video game, an elaborate tech demo. It’s meagre – besides the 13 (admittedly colourful and imaginative) boss clashes and occasional EX cul-de-sac, there’s nothing but a well-honed and slightly twisted environment to marvel at. Quality over quantity is
definitely a virtue, but for £40 you there’s nowhere near enough of the latter to do justice to the former. The rubbery locales and scarf concept would make for an excellent and more protracted 3D platformer, for example. As it stands Freak Out is a mustplay, rather than a must-buy, experience; a stunted stunner. Steven Bailey www.booyaka.com www.honourablemember.co.uk
Retrosexual:
In a crazy homage to all things ancient, GAMES embarks on a wild ride through the annals of gaming history. This week we go right back to an era when shellsuits were hip and Scott and Charlene had just tied the knot. We take you back to the year that wasn’t – 1987!
Former fantasy Final Fantasy 1 Squaresoft (NES) 1990
W
AY BACK in the late eighties, in the time of the humble 8-bit NES, a little-known software company called Square was struggling to stay above water after a series of unspectacular releases. The uprising in popularity of the console RPG following the success of the first Dragon Quest game led them to gamble the company’s future on a new game, one that would make or break the firm. The game, Square’s last hope for financial survival, was dubbed the Final Fantasy. Nearly a decade and a half later, the FF series is into the double
GRiP
figures and is arguably the most successful RPG name in existence. Having jumped from the NES to the SNES to the PS to the PS2, the games have grown ever longer, prettier and more complex. But, in this age of Full Motion Video, polygons and CD-streamed orchestral soundtracks, how does the original FF1 shape up? Pretty well, actually. Of course, if you judge a game on its looks, this isn’t going to be your bottle of Heal potion. In the ever-moving world of computers, games date at a terrifying pace, and developers spend huge proportions of their budgets just trying to keep up with advances in technology. Final Fantasy, for all its retro charm, is laughable by today’s standards. But of course, to any true RPG fan presentation is irrelevant compared to important factors like playability and storyline, and it’s here that FF1 scores so highly. This game is everything you ever loved about FF distilled down to the basics. Whereas later games gave you ever more options and features, here you have a pure shot of the central gameplay that made it so good in the first place. Okay, compared to today’s epic tales of angst and soulsearching, the plot is a pretty straightforward ‘kill the baddies’ affair, but the side quests and surprises met along the way make
up for it. And the central temporal loop story is, if you’ll pardon the pun, way ahead of its time. And the characters themselves may have four-letter names and no personalities whatsoever, but they have more distinct abilities than the cast of FF7 and FF8 put together. Choosing your party poorly at the outset will leave you in for a very tough time. Oh yes. It would be rdismissive of me not to mention the difficulty level. Make no mistake, this game is hard. Equipment and magic is hideously expensive, but buying the newest gear and spells is a necessity if you want to survive. Be prepared to spend time hanging around early areas, fighting monsters over and over to gain experience and gold. And the stripped-down combat system means your characters are each good at one thing, and one thing only, so once your White Mage falls your party’s ability to recover from damage goes with her. This is at times frustrating, but today challenging games are so few and far between that it’s also refreshing to find one that throws you straight in the deep end to sink or swim. So, overall? I like it. A lot. Despite the obvious limitations of the machine, the FF magic is still here. If you’re a fan of the newer FF games, I urge you to abandon your preconceptions and give this a go. Crude, ugly, simplistic and unfair it might be, but this is where it all began. They don’t make ‘em like this any more. Greg Lamb
Rockstar Ate My Hamster (C64/Spec) 1987
T
HERE HAVEN’T been too many successful mixes of Gaming and Pop- as both the piss-poor Spiceworld and Kiss: Psycho Circus shows, and the demise of Sensible Software’s infamous Sex, Drugs and Rock n’Roll keeps things this way. That means that Rockstar is a true original. You have to make your own band from scratch, tour, create publicity for them and then record a smash album (hey- sounds like a good idea for a TV series). You start off with Clive and ‘the Chief’, two entertainment promoters down on their luck who decide to start off a new band and who bare more than a passing resemblance to Robert and Kevin Maxwell. Much fun to be had is from the lawyer-threatening names – Dorissey, Wacko Jacko, Bill Collins, Mince – Indeed, it’s the lawsuitpotential irreverent nature of Rockstar means its attitude sticks out, and is the reason an update has not appeared until PAN’s Rock Manager emerges. The highlight is the basis the game has of your own input. Call the band whatever you want, and name their ‘tunes’ how you please. The band’s ‘music’ used the 8-bit computer technology to less than startling effect, so the snatches of tracks the band
‘plays’ sound like an Aphex Twin record being played backwards (or forwards, for that matter). But somehow, the music isn’t important. Tour pubs, clubs, Uni’s and Arenas, and then decide which record company to use. Will you want sponsorship? Or will you allow Dorissey to have a troupe of go-go dancers onstage? This is clear gaming genius. Will Rock Manager be able to match it? Chris Faires
Rockstar Ate My Hamster can be found online at emulation sites like www.lemon64.com.
ROCK CHIC
filmreviews/competition
07
Right side of the law LEGALLY BLONDE Starring: Robert Luketic, Reese Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Selma Blair, Jennifer Coolridge Dir: Kinji Fukasaku 12, 101 mins
W
ELL, ER, mixed feelings about this one really. It’s a fluffy and pink Clueless wannabe that tells the story of Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon), a beauty queen from Southern California who embarks on a legal career to win back her boyfriend. The film is as silly as it sounds and filled with sit-comish jokes. If you’re into light-hearted, feel good movies then this is worth a watch. On the other hand if an Oscar winning script and a serious plot are more your thing I suggest you stop reading now. The story kicks off with Elle’s boyfriend Warner Huntingden III (Matthew Davis), ending their
relationship by saying "if I’m going to be a senator by the time I’m 30… I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn". Determined to win him back she sets out to convince Harvard Law School that she would be a valuable addition. Not quite sure what to make of her admissions video, the male dominated committee eventually decide she qualifies on the basis that she’s been in a Ricky Martin video. ‘Malibu Barbie’ as she is affectionately called, brings a certain je ne c’est quoi to a rather dull set of Ivy League over achievers. Soon her goal of winning back Warner takes second place to proving that she’s more than a dizzy blonde. As one can predict, Elle not only succeeds but armed with her cute little dog, flourishes, dazzling a professor (Victor Garber) and rescuing a defendant in a murder trial. When the pressure mounts Elle likes to visit the salon to get her nails done. Here she befriends a manicurist (Jennifer Coolidge), leading to a rather pointless, yet cute subplot. Ultimately this is a tale of triumph over adversity. With a few twists and turns along the way the basic idea is
that you don’t have to be a stereotypical geek to achieve what you want in this life – even if your not exactly sure what that is. Despite the uninspiring script which can’t seem to figure out where its going, Witherspoon provides a winning performance. The film is made enjoyable by this gifted actress who fits the perky, brassy blonde stereotype perfectly. The ‘perfect world’ aura and girl power attitude also left me with a feel good feeling. Legally Blonde works reasonably well as a light comedy, but expect to laugh at it rather than with it. Sarah Pipe
Hide and seek
ATLANTIS – THE LOST EMPIRE Voices of: Michael J Fox, James Garner, Cree Summer Dir: Michael Apted U, 95 mins
H
OW LONG can the Disney phenomena carry on before it runs out of steam I hear you cry? Well, if this latest offering is anything to go by, it going to be a while yet. Atlantis is the story of Milo Thatch; the grandson of a great explorer who is legacy bound to rediscover the forgotten underwater land of Atlantis. Once I’d stopped laughing at his name (German hot beverage of same name which one of my rather juvenile friends discovered makes you fart for days), I tried to concentrate on the plot in hand. An old friend of his grandfather rescues him from the tedium of his boiler-attending job at the museum and sponsors him on the trip of his dreams to discover the secret energy source of Atlantis, armed with a crew of strange specialists from around the world. The mixture of ethnic backgrounds is pleasantly refreshing (especially it the current world climate of racial unrest) although some of the facial features are rather difficult to interpret. It is obvious Disney are not quite as au fait with big lipped girls as they need to be. Despite this there are some brilliant characters in the film which lift a potentially dull
COMPETITION TIME
Win five pairs of UGC Cinema Tickets Once again, we at film desk, in association with those great people down at the UGC, have another five pairs of tickets to the UGC Cinema in Cardiff to give away to the five fastest Gair Rhydd readers. Simply answer the question below and e-mail your name, course and answer to: Weekly Film grfilmdesk@hotmail.com with ‘Film Competition 702’ in the subject line.
What is the name of the famous lost city that is trying to be found in this movie? (a) Cardiff (b) Atlantis in association with (c) Atlanta
Competition
gairrhydd
Last weeks answer: (a) Warm Apple Pie Winners: Daisy Forster, S Tanjit, Joanna Dawes, Andrew Gowel and Gemma Jones (collect tickets from the GR office) Gemma pointed out that Jim also had sexual relations with two ladies, but with the first, it was all over before it began and with the second a condom was used, thus eliminating any baby making potential in either situation. So the answer could only have been (a), not (c) A Lovely Lady. Gemma also gets an American Pie t-shirt for being so damned clever.
plot and carry it to the end: Audrey: Aforementioned big-lipped girl whose mechanics are sharper than those of a very sharp mechanical thing. Tough cookie with a soft centre and violent affectionate side. Classic phrase: "Two for flinching! (punch, punch)." Mrs Packard: Crabby ol’ boot who is the telephone operator for the submarine. An Eeyore for the new generation whose gloomy outlook, knuckle cracking wit, and a cigarette habit to rival Dot Cotton’s made the film for me. Classic phrase: "We’re all going to die." Vinny: The laid back dynamite expert, sarcastic with every line spoken and an eagerness to destroy. Prone to delinquent pranks, knows his nitro-glycerol from his bar of soap but is loyal if not rather stern looking. Classic phrase: "It wasn’t me." Moley: Likes digging, unsurprisingly. French and lonely, mud and rocks are his friends. Classic trait: the sigh emitted from a successful bout of digging. These were my favourite characters in the film, though Milo is likable (were he not such a geek) and the doctor (were he not a cartoon) a definite piece of eye candy for the ladyeez – he’s even called Dr Sweet! So you don’t spend the entire film shouting "Whose voice is it?", I’ll tell you now that it’s Michael J Fox as Milo, and Cree Summer (from that classic old school sitcom A Different World with Lisa Bonet) as Kida, the native who is the heir to the throne of Atlantis. It is good to have some familiar voices to listen to whilst sitting in the cinema, even if it is somewhat disturbing to see a drawn character yet here famous actors voices. The plot is rather strange, and I’m not sure how well kids would understand it (someone had to explain to me about a couple of details). At the end of the day, you have got to love any movie which revolves around people stumbling upon a lost world. If you look at a large old wooden wardrobe, and wonder if there could be, just could be, a secret enchanted world, lurking there at the back, then Atlantis has got to be a must. Narnia and Atlantis, they are both worlds that we would all love to visit, and this film lets you escape there if only for an hour or so. Atlantis is worth seeing if not just for Vinny, and the excellent animation of the scenery and ocean, although the story about greed and linguistics has a predictable ending. But who cares about the naf bits? It’s Disney! Emma Osbourne
Don’t forget that it is just £2.95 to see any film, at any time at the UGC Cinema in Cardiff and that you can get an unlimited pass for just £9.99 a month.
filmfeature
08
Cream of the Part two of our feature, introducing to you our new film team, where we let you get into the minds of the film contributors and see wha are their favourite movies. This week we round up The Usual Suspects, we hear a Little Voice and The Sound of Music, while someone gets out their Pecker when they see a Pretty Woman and there’s some Dirty Dancing going on in The Killing Fields. Here we go . . . THE USUAL SUSPECTS
T
Sarah Thomas he film takes it title from a line in Casablanca “Round up the usual suspects" and shows what happens when you do. The plot stems from the bringing together of five criminals in a line up, which acts as a catalyst for six weeks of crime. Starting with the ending, and then flashing back to the beginning, the film is narrated by Verbal Kint, ‘the cripple’ (Kevin Spacey). The Usual Suspects takes the form of an informal interview with a customs agent, Dave Kujan (Chazz Palminteri), who is desperate to find out if bent copper Dean Keaton (Gabriel Byrne) is the mastermind behind the crimes. But is he? Verbal believes the culprit to be the bogeyman of the criminal world, Keyzer Soze, the devil himself. But does Soze exist and is he Keaton? Or has Keaton gone straight for the love of a good woman? And what exactly is on the ship? The film changes pace dramatically throughout. The calm witterings of Verbal in the police station are interspersed with the violence of each crime culminating with the shootout on the ship. The acting is superb, from the main characters to those supporting. Spacey is pathetic as Verbal, Byrne desperate to be left alone as Keaton and Stephen Baldwin insane as gun happy McManus. Visually it’s fantastic – swapping from calm to crazy with music to match. The script is clever, manipulative and witty in places, with little hints that you can pick up on the second viewing. Of course, it won Oscars and some of those who worked on it went on to bigger things. Kevin Spacey made American Beauty, Benicio Del Toro made Traffic, director Brian Singer made The X-men, Stephen Baldwin made Biodome 2 and the end was parodied in Scary Movie. But then, you can’t have everything.
P
nor would it want to, and is too keen to avoid pretension to be labelled ‘art-house’. In fact the attraction of film-making like this is that, unlike blockbusters concerned with profit margins, it really doesn’t care what the viewer thinks. Those who sit back and allow Pecker to do its thing will be rewarded, but if you come away thinking it’s a pile of poo Waters would probably suggest you nip round the back and eat it.
VANISHING POINT
T
Dave Pothecary o my mind one of the best road movies ever made, Vanishing Point is a cult classic, the story of a lone delivery driver, Kowalski, trying to get a car from from Denver to San Francisco in 15 hours. The most important thing about the film is how well the feeling of space and speed comes across. Driving through the northern deserts of the USA, where the horizon stretches off to infinity, the feeling of loneliness and desolation
inhibited by her crippling fear of life. Her timidity is accentuated by her extremely domineering mother, (Brenda Blethyn), and their inability to communicate with one another. She is misunderstood by everyone except Billy, (Ewan McGregor), the bird boy, who like LV, does not fit in. They form a strong bond through their mutual understanding of each other. However, LV has another sancturay aside from Billy – her music. She is blessed with a magnificent voice; she is able to sing like the stars. LV absorbs herself in her music as a chance to escape life and as the final link to her deceased father. Her music becomes a place of security and happiness. However, when her mother's new boyfriend (Michael Cain) hears LV's talent, he sees it as his opportunity to alter his miserable career. He envisages LV's future fame and consequently his own success, as the man who discovered her. LV is encourage to believe that her father would want her to perform. Eventually she is persuaded to do so, but all dreams of fame and fortune are shattered, when LV refuses to repeat the act. After a prolonged period of silence and fear, LV finally finds her voice and her confidence; she finds the courage to live. Little Voice contains superb performances, most notably form Jane Horrocks, who not only
PECKER
Fergus Cooper ecker is written and directed by John Waters. This is the man best remembered for a scene in Pink Flamingoes where a drag queen eats a fresh dog turd (no, really). The Sound of Music: Who chose this one? It is only fair, then, that films made by Mr. Waters are approached with some is well matched to the main character's life. trepidation. Especially when the full title is John demonstrates her impressive acting capabilities, As the film progresses, through a number of but also her enormous versatility as a singer. Waters – Pecker. occurrences and flashbacks we learn more of Little Voice is an extremely powerful film that Fear not, however, as the film is in fact a Kowalski, and the events that lead up to the can be watched again and again, and still be as satire on the pretension of the art scene. dramatic end of his life. moving as the very first time. Edward Furlong (he of Terminator 2 fame) Taken at face value, this film is an enjoyable assumes the title role of the boy who takes car chase movie that can provide some classic THE SOUND OF MUSIC photographs of everyday life in his home town after-pub viewing for even the most hardened Sally Hall of Baltimore, and is whisked to celebrity by New action film enthusiast. or those of you who are muttering York art dealer Rorey (Lilli Taylor). It's only when you watch the film in the cold "What?" I have just one thing to say in As with most of Waters’ films the plot is light of day that you realise the number of response...”Where the fuck have you somewhat incidental, and the satire is far from questions it asks, both about the changing been?”. This film is a complete classic, both in subtle. It is the characters which matter, and nature of the world, and of the nature of people. the wonderful world of musicals and in the Pecker provides in abundance. The interplay of all of these elements, plus a soppy chick flick category. Christina Ricci snaps and snarls as ‘stain blind soul DJ, and a naked girl on a motorcycle, There is simply no part of this film that leaves goddess’ Shelley whose pleasure in life comes plus one of the best soundtracks ever heard in a the audience questioning their reasoning for from insulting the customers at her Laundromat. movie, makes this film a worthy part of any film sitting down to watch it. Then there’s Pecker’s grandmother, Memama buff's collection. Julie Andrews plays a fantastic role in the film (Jean Scherteler), whose talking Virgin Mary as the governess of the Von Trap clan, and displays all the tact of a boxing nun. Or perhaps LITTLE VOICE bursts on to our screens with the addictive you’ll warm to Little Chrissie the child who lives Gemma Field on sugar, Matt the kleptomaniac, Larry the ittle Voice has film has all the ingredients tunes that generations have been singing in Lughead, or Miss Betty and Mr Bozak the their sleep, whether they have seen this film or to make it an all-time classic – laughter, tramps turned fashion models. not. tears and a suberb cast. It revolves The film would never garner ‘classic’ status, The drama led by Robert Wise's direction around a young woman (Jane Horrocks) who is
F
L
GRiP
leads the audience in to suspense, laughter, (primarily at seeing children wear curtains) and smiling as the world will never seem such a greater place than after watching this. The reality of the historical take over of Austria by Germany ignites the bond between the Von Trap family, and you are forced to boo at the incredibly ugly baroness and cheer as Maria marries the Captain. After all, the only way to solve the problem of diarrhoea...er...I mean Maria is to let her strum her guitar and run riot with goats on strings. The fact that the children are now hundred years old (or somewhere in that region) is neither here nor there, as the hills will forever remain alive with The Sound of Music.
PRETTY WOMAN
A
Jane Steeples s Hollywood blockbusters go Pretty Woman staring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts is one that has stood the test of time and remains a movie well worth watching. The plot (a millionaire falls in love with a prostitute) is not the typical romantic-comedy scenario, but whilst aspects of Pretty Woman have been drawn upon by other films, nothing so far lives up to the well crafted combination of excellent acting and direction with such a complimentary soundtrack. The partnership of Richard Gere and Julia Roberts was excellent casting by director, Gary Marshal, with both actors appearing to thrive off the on screen ability of each other. Roberts’s transformation from prostitute to sexy, sophisticated woman allow for an array of costume changes which enhance the feel good factor of the movie. This character alteration also enables the heroine to emerge in true Hollywood fashion but also allows Pretty Woman to stray from the norm with Roberts’s character, Vivian, retaining her own ideals and thus creating a few obstacles for Edward Lewis (Gere) to navigate his way through. Despite Edward’s statement, “We’re both the same, we both screw people for money," what makes the Gere-Roberts partnership work is their, opposing yet symbiotic characterizations. The ignorance and honesty of Vivian is appealing and charms both Edward and the audience. The contrast between the ruthless male with millions and the lowly whore with a heart creates a film which is more than a romantic comedy. What makes Pretty Woman stand above many romantic Hollywood movies is its superb supporting cast, most notably Hector Elizondo, who plays the hotel manager with a quirky style that is both humorous and full of empathy. Pretty Woman, is a film with a definite feel good factor which combines the more typical aspects of this genre; romance, glamour, villain and humour with that little something extra which subsequent films such as Runaway Bride have been unable to recapture, making Pretty Woman a movie which appeals to many.
GROSSE POINT BLANK
I
Claire Malcolm consider it best to register this confession immediately – yes I would gleefully gnaw through my own arm to bed John Cusack but no, this undeniable fact has not affected my choice of cinematic offering. Rather my adoration for 1996’s black comedy Grosse Point Blank lies in its unique balance of humour, sleek direction, stylised violence and tangible sexual chemistry. With its nostalgic 80’s soundtrack and constant stream of one liners, Grosse Point Blank represents an affectionate homage to the
filmfeature
09
Crop: Part II decade that taste forgot. Particular credit goes to Dan Ackroyd, whose relatively minor role as an unhinged veteran assassin showcases his talents as an accomplished scene-stealer and an under used Hank Azaria as an ill fated NSA agent. More impressive still is the manner in which the burgeoning reconciliation between Cusack and Minnie Driver (the same girlfriend whom he jilted on prom night ten years previously) successfully avoids a descent into sentimentality. Instead it inspires a genuine romanticism, carefully developed as a professional killer seeks redemption and validation in the arms the only woman he has ever loved. This transition is somewhat complicated by the fact that whilst returning to Detroit for his high school reunion, and in the tradition of the best crime films, Martin Blank is called upon to perform ‘one last job’ – a pursuit which is further hampered by the sheer number of people attempting to pop a cap in his inescapably nice ass. Finally from a purely testosterone driven viewpoint a shoot-out of monumental proportions, set against Motorhead’s The Ace Of Spades deserves to live forever in the annuls of film history. In the name of all things marvellous ... I urge everyone to watch this film at least once before they die.
Y
es, I know it is the ultimate chick flick, but I can't help it – Dirty Dancing is one of my favourite films. There's nothing better than vegging out in front of the TV and watching it – and I'm surprised I haven’t worn out the video, the amount of times I've watched it. Dirty Dancing is the story of an old fashioned American holiday camp, where a young girl from a rich family (Jennifer Grey) falls in love with the dance teacher (Patrick Swayze). Girl shags dancer, dad finds out, disapproves and so on. Jennifer Grey, somewhat
Willis and Jackson are on splendid form, perfectly complementing each other when they are on screen. The supporting cast is also brilliant, with the young son (Spencer Treat Clark) particularly impressive. Great cinematography, direction, and a powerful but understated score allow the viewer to enter the world of David and see that there is hope in his life if he embraces who he is. Shyamalan has also used the imagery of the comic book world to great effect, with Elijah’s bookstore resembling a hideout and David’s rain soaked security slicker giving the impression of
unbelievably, goes from having no dancing ability whatsoever to being pretty damn good. If only it were that easy. Throw in the random sub-plot of pregnancy, abortion and Jennifer's character's really annoying sister and it sounds even worse. The storyline is not brilliant – in fact, it's cheesy and predictable – but this film should not be watched for its plot. The reason that this film has become so popular is the dancing and soundtrack, which are both bloody fantastic. It is such a feel-good film that it will inspire the clumsiest, most uncoordinated and accident prone person (me) to think that if Jennifer Grey can dance like that, so can they (but don't try it!). It's an old film, but if you are pissed off about something, can't be arsed to go to lectures or just want to watch a film, watch Dirty Dancing. No matter what I say about the plot, I love this film. I don't know how many blokes will like it, and most girls will have seen it all ready, but watch it again – it's a classic.
a superheroes cape. Finally however comes Shyamalan’s usual twisted ending which, whilst not as spectacular as The Sixth Sense will still leave you talking as credits roll. Overall, this is a worthy follow up and possibly even greater than its predecessor.
THE KILLING FIELDS
O
Tristan Chatfield n its release 17 years ago The Killing Fields was nominated for seven Oscars. It won none of them but this does little to detract from the films beauty and importance. Directed by Bruce Robinson, of Withnail And I fame the screenplay, and also written by Robinson, The Killing Fields is based on the true story of journalist Sidney as he and his guide Dip Pran struggle to file reports to the New York Times from war torn Cambodia in the early 1970’s. Of all the so called ‘Vietnam’ films of the late 70’s and early 80’s it is the most openly political Robinson holds no punches in his portrayal of the Communist regime of Pol Pot (largely ignored by the West at the time. However this is no anti-communist American propaganda as it also is highly critical of the involvement of President Nixon in the ill-fated and covert invasion by the US. The issues touched on by Robinson’s screenplay are many and varied and certainly too many to list here, but amongst them are the nature of war reporting, press manipulation and the morality of America at the time. Whilst this may seem overly ambitious, and indeed the film has been criticised as so, it is the simplicity and realism of the relationship between the two journalists and their photographer (played by John Malkovich) that impresses. It this lost and found story which dominates the second half of the film climaxing in the emotional reunion of the two leads whilst John Lennon’s Imagine blasts out over the scene. Ultimately, The Killing Fields is a film which will enhance your life, the true genius behind it lies in the fact that it is almost totally accurate in portraying a story which is too fantastical to be real and yet actually happened in all it’s glory. Like The Insider or The Godfather it is not easy viewing but remains incredibly rewarding.
DIRTY DANCING Kate Shaw
E
UNBREAKABLE
Richard Grygiel very so often, a film is released that blows you away. Whether it be brilliant direction, an amazing story, or a great atmosphere I assure you Unbreakable has it all. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense) the film begins with David Dunn (Willis), a security guard, being the sole, unscathed survivor of a train crash, hence the Unbreakable of the title. Seeing his life at home, you’re left with the impression that he’s just drifting in life, with Willis managing to convey a perpetual sadness around the character. Into his life comes comic book enthusiast and brittle bone disease sufferer Elijah Price (Samuel L. Jackson) armed with a bizarre idea about why he survived the train crash.
SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
T
Jonathan Lane here's nothing more terrifying than your own imagination”. A soundbite often used to describe my most favourite of all films, Silence of the Lambs. In truth I doubt anyone's imagination could be so cunning and so psychotic as that of the characters in the film, most notably Hannibal Lecter. This, I feel, is where the success of the film lies – in the strength of the characters. We have the brilliant but vulnerable Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) who, with the help of Hannibal Lecter, is trying to catch the savage serial killer 'Buffalo Bill'. The working relationship that she and Lecter have will only work if Clarice tells him things about herself and her worst fears. Part of the love I have for the film is due to the remarkable acting performance of Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter. The sight of his magnetic eyes and the sound of his metallic voice grips hold of you. Almost as if we were being interrogated rather than Clarice Starling. At the same time we feel empathy towards the protagonist, Clarice Starling, who carries the story well. We feel her pain as she is being emotionally blackmailed by Lecter; but also know it is necessary if she is to find one of the victims alive. It is a race against time that we feel part of. Characters aside, Johnathan Demme, the director, manages to keep us glued to our seats the whole time with a story that constantly keeps moving. But what I love is the fact the film never gives away whats going to happen next.
The film is without question an extremely dark piece of material, designed to have you shaking in your boots at the thought of having Hannibal Lecter inside your head. Thus, undoubtedly the film succeeds in its primary objective; to thrill and scare you, making it my most favourite film.
NOW AND THEN
N
Beth Kenure ow most people are going to review a so called ‘cool’ film, such as Pulp Fiction or The Godfather, and claim that’s their favourite film, when in reality its probably something of a more embarrassing nature, possibly Bambi or the The Sound Of Music. Well, I’m not going to do that. I’m going to boldly and unashamedly proclaim my fondness for the cheese filled, girly chick-flick Now and Then. Granted it doesn’t have the most original plot, (it’s basically a female version of Stand By Me), the acting isn’t outstanding despite the high profile cast (Demi Moore, Christina Ricci, Rosie O’Donnell, etc) and it was never going to have any street cred on account of its gooey sentimentality. But what it does have is a simple, emotionally driven story, revisiting a time in our lives when what little worries we had were, in retrospect, minor blips on the radar. In the latter years of the 1960’s, four best friends spend a fun filled summer in the small American town of Shelby. A summer that sees them falling in love, facing their fears and learning about loss, and culminates in a pact that will last them into adulthood. This film is perfect Sunday afternoon viewing, unchallenging yet touchingly powerful and comforting, with its distinct tone of ultimate lasting friendships. I always feel warm and tingly after a viewing of this film, if I’m ever upset and feeling down it’s either this or a wellchosen episode of Friends that brings the smile back to my face. Another major plus is, that because of the era it’s set in, there is a fabulously funky and retro soundtrack, boasting songs from artists such as Stevie Wonder, Nancy Sinatra and the Jackson 5, that are guaranteed to make you wish that songs were that cool when you were growing up!
I
JAWS
David Crowley n terms of far reaching impact on everyday lives, I believe that my favourite movie is undoubtebly one of the best. Who can honestly say that whenever they go for a swim in the deep blue sea, be it Carnes or Cardiff, Long Beach or London, they don’t wonder if there is a great monster rising from beneath them, accompanied by ‘that’ theme music? My favourite film, as you may have guessed, is the 1975 hit, Jaws. It proved to be the first major hit for a little known director called Steven Spielberg. He took Peter Benchley’s novel of a killer shark that terrorized an idyllic beach resort and single handedly created the summer blockbuster as we know it. The secret to this great film lies in it’s ability to tap into the primal fear within us all that we get as we enter the water – the incredible vulnerability from below. An exciting plot and an occasionally darkly comic script is complimented by an excellent cast with an exceptionally powerful performance by Robert Shaw as the captain Ahab character, Quint. As a result, the audience is treated to some of the greatest cinematic moments in modern history, from Quint’s Indianapolis speech, to the line, “You’re gonna need a bigger boat”. Even the most brutal of critics will still hear ‘that’ music whenever they dare to venture out of their offices and down to the sea . . .
filmreview/profiles
10
America’s finest AMERICA’S SWEETHEARTS Starring: Julia Roberts, Billy Crystal, Catherine Zeta-Jones, John Cusack Dir: Joe Roth 12, 102 mins
T
Actor Profile: Billy Crystal
O
N MARCH 14th 1947 Billy Crystal was born. The son of Jazz promoter Jack Crystal and homemaker Helen Crystal, you could say that performing was in his blood. After initial dreams of stardom with his college baseball team, he discovered a love for theatre and stand-up comedy. From then on he knew performing, specifically comedy was what he wanted to do with his life. He explained later that he chose comedy "because God made me short" (Crystal is 5’7"). Crystal then studied direction at New York University’s Film school under Martin Scorsese, where upon graduation, Crystal married his college sweetheart, Janice and began his day job as a teacher. As a part time comedian Crystal put together a comedy act called 3’s company. This troupe performed at comedy clubs throughout New York and it was here that Billy developed into an ‘observational’ comic During this time, his two daughters (Jennifer and Lindsey) were born and with an extra responsible to provide for his family, Billy set out for fame in Hollywood where he was soon performing at the famed Comedy Store. Crystal’s acting career began when a producer caught this act and he was offered the role of gay character Jodie Dallas on the American serial Soap. It is a measure of his talent that he was not subsequently typecast. His first movie role soon came playing the role of a pregnant man in Rabbit Test (1978). Needless to say it bombed. So returning to his comic roots he appeared in successful cable specials and toured nightclubs. In 1984 Crystal was cast in that season of Saturday Night Live. Immediately he was the standout comic of the show even receiving an Emmy for his work. With this springboard Crystal then starred in movies such as This is Spinal Tap (1984), Running Scared (1986) and Throw Momma from the Train (1987) all the while interspersing his film work with his stand up show. The pinnacle of his career however was his role in the romantic comedy When Harry met Sally (1989). With a new found confidence Crystal produced and starred in his most successful movie to date, City Slickers (1991). The movie was the biggest hit that summer. Crystal then attempted his directorial debut with Mr. Saturday Night (1994). This was unfortunately derided by the critics and failed at the box office and in an effort to regain his success, City Slickers II was made. Despite being merely a standard sequel, the film was still a commercial success. Mediocre films then followed, with Forget Paris (1995), Deconstructing Harry (1997) and My Giant (1998) before Crystal burst back into the mainstream starring in Analyse This (1999), which he also executive produced. Crystal’s latest film is American Sweethearts (2001) which has one of the finest ensemble casts ever assembled (Julia Roberts, John Cusack, Catherine Zeta Jones). Crystal also wrote this film, which should re-establish him as one of the greatest comic actors of his generation. Richard Grygiel
GRiP
HE BASIC premise of this film is not a complex one. John Cusack plays Eddie Thomas, a movie star whose career and mental state have been devastated by his wife, and sometime co-star's, decision to leave him for another man. Catherine Zeta Jones is his estranged love, whose own status as one half of the couple known as ‘America's Sweethearts’ has been irrevocably damaged by her adultery. Billy Crystal stars (quite masterfully) as Lee, their former publicist, attempting to reconcile the pair for one last press screening, with Julia Roberts appearing as Kee Kee, Zeta Jones' sister and under-appreciated assistant. Add to the equation, KeeKee's fixation with her superstar sister's ex and the stage is set for a farcical comedy held together by a series of genuinely amusing visual devices and a script capable of biting satire. We join the film as Eddie convalesces in a psychiatric retreat. Keen-eyed film enthusiasts may notice the re-appearance of Grosse Point Blank's Alan Arkin as Cusack's therapist. Released from the home to begin promotion for his latest project, Eddie finds himself lurching from one mortifyingly embarrassing moment to the next; including but not exclusive to a masturbation reference worthy of the Farrely brothers. In fact, Cusack's is not the only stand-out performance. He is rivalled, in
terms of comic timing and self-deprecating overstatement by Billy Crystal, Christopher Walken and an unfailingly flawless Hank Azaria (the human incarnation of the Simpsons' Apu makes an appearence as Gwen's Spanish boyfriend). The movie's female contingent though is predictably disappointing.Catherine Zeta Jones presents a spoiled, selfinvolved, wench – a role which she has perfected on two previous occasions, in High Fidelity and Traffic. Much as she is infinitely believable in this guise, it is impossible not to suspect that she may not actually be acting. Caught in a linguistic noman's-land between Swansea girl and her LA re-invention, she is liable to grate against the nerves of most discerning viewers. Wide Mouth Frog Woman Julia Roberts is also comprehensively simpering but once again, her acting limitations play reasonably well in the context of the plot. Besides, both female leads make impressive eye-candy and a scene which witnesses them sharing a bath proves that this film could so nearly have been the best type of chick-flick. Lest this statement incur the wrath of the politically correct brigade, I should also point out that in terms of hormonal appeal, there's plenty for us ladies to take in elsewhere. All in all, Joe Roth's direction and the consistently amusing script – co-written by Crystal himself – culminate in a pleasant and harmless comedy. Moments of slap-stick genius and irreverent lines such as "I'm a paranoid schizophrenic, I'm my own entourage" render America's Sweethearts more than watchable. Though arguably a bit of a girly affair, it should appeal across the board and is definitely worth whacking out the trusty student card for. Incidentally, the sight of Julia Roberts in flashback, packing an extra 60lbs on her impossibly thin frame justifies the ticket price unto itself. Claire Malcolm
Actor Profile: Julia Roberts
J
ULIA ROBERTS is currently the biggest actress in the world, commanding up to 20 million a movie and picking up awards left, right and centre. Not bad for a girl who in 1988 had a young B-movie director protesting to producer Roger Corman, "I don’t want Eric Roberts’ crazy sister ruining my first time film." Big mistake, because now, she’s a megastar and I can’t even find out what this guy’s name was. Born Julie Fiona Roberts on 28 October 1967 in Smyrna, Georgia, the left-handed, 5’ 9’’er had aspirations of becoming a vet, but after witnessing her brother’s screen success, decided to put on her acting shoes and head for Hollywood. After minor TV roles, and being notably turned down for a part on American soap, All My Children, came her first big break in the form of coming of age rom-com (and my personal favourite Julia flick) Mystic Pizza, an adolescent tale of love, life and friendship. Next came the highly acclaimed, Oscar nominated role of put-upon prostitute, Vivienne in Pretty Woman. This role was also up for a Bafta and won her the first of her 3 Golden Globes, the others being for weepy Steel Magnolias and the phenomenon that was Erin Brockovich. This is Julia’s most high profile and successful role to date, producing her first Oscar, a Bafta and an MTV award among others. It hasn’t stopped there either, as readers of Empire magazine recently named her best actress of all time in a nationwide poll. However it hasn’t always been good films ahoy for redheaded Roberts; films such as Flatliners, Sleeping With the Enemy and Dying Young were coolly received by the cinema going public, and excruciating flops Hook and Mary Reilly were both on the nomination lists for the anti-Oscars, the Razzies. Fortunately neither won, but served to shock her into making quality pictures like Notting Hill and My Best Friends Wedding. Unfortunately her career has been sometimes overshadowed by her rocky personal life. A string of failed relationships, broken engagements and her divorce to country singer and actor Lyle Lovett, have spent as much time in the headlines as her films. Let’s hope that in the future happiness at home will follow her happiness on screen. Beth Kenure
C
ATHERINE ZETA Jones was born on the 25t September 1969, in Mumbles, just outside Swansea. Catherine, one of three children and daughter of a sweet factory owner became one of Wales’ biggest ever sensations and is without doubt today living a real life fairy tale. The 33-year-old Welsh beauty began her acting career at the early age of 13. It all began with her starring in an amateur production of Annie and just two years later made it on to the stages of the West End with the production of Bugsy Malone. At just 15 Catherine headed for the bright lights of London. Almost immediately Catherine landed the lead role in 42nd Street. Her career next took her to France, where she stared in her debut feature film Schenezache. She returned to the UK in 1991, where her star status flourished when she played the role of the eldest sister in the hit TV series The Darling Buds of May. From here Catherine had clearly established a name for herself. Eventually the constant paparazzi attention forced Catherine across the Atlantic, in search for equal plus more stardom in the US. From this point, her career went from strength to strength. She starred in various TV productions including a 4-hour TV film of Titanic. Catherine’s distinctive beauty and obvious talent are what caught the eye of the much acclaimed film director Steven Spielberg and in 1996 was cast along side Antonio Banderas and fellow Welsh film star Sir Anthony Hopkins as the daughter of Zorro in the film The Mask of Zorro. This gave Catherine the status that until now only the UK public knew she deserved. From there on Catherine had become a Hollywood star in her own right. Next came The Haunting and Entrapment where Catherine this time starred alongside Sean Connery. Catherine Zeta and Michael Douglas became the hottest new couple in Hollywood. Allegedly Catherine’s radiant aura captured Michael Douglas at a film festival, were he stated there and then he wanted to father her children. It has been rumoured that Catherine is in fact expecting her second child; at present both Catherine and Michael are denying this claim. Whatever is in store for Catherine, if past experience is anything to go by it will continue to bring her much joy and happiness. Sarah Williams
Actor Profile: Catherine Zeta-Jones
musiclive SUPER FURRY ANIMALS + TEFLON MONKEY + TASK FORCE CIA
SUPER FURRY ANIMALS: Rings around the CIA
FRENCH KICKS + MCLUSKY + FENTON Barfly SUNDAY. A day of rest. So was this work, fun or simply going through the motions for the bands appearing at this NME On night. Fenton were definitely hard work for the audience. They were enthusiastic, cocky and yet oh so dire. Consequently, when the lead singer began running around the crowd, in an attempt to trigger some forced spontaneous dancing, whilst the sun-hatted, rainbow coloured strap wearing guitarist was wigging out to completely non-spectacular finale You’re A Star, suddenly queues formed for the toilets and people rooted around for spare change in a compulsive need to go to the bar. For McLusky, tonight could have been just another of their many local performances, but there were no signs of stagnation. With every performance they increase in energy and every song is played with a gut wrenching urgency, as if their lives depended on the execution of each beat of the music. Right from the desperate rush of Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues to the sardonic Friends Stoning Friends they pummelled their instruments, never relenting in their adrenaline fuelled primal screams. For one brief moment, matters turned to a business nature when McLusky frontman, Andy Falkous, declared their public relations policy. ‘Here’s a new one, so get used to it.’ However, his selfconscious worries were left redundant. And all the way from New York came French Kicks. Flouting any sense of ‘keep Sunday special,’ they were prepared with merchandise stall and plugged forthcoming dates. Their indie Americana styled pop was delivered with a smile, and the general feeling of ‘we are here to please’ was continued after the show with a meet and greet, press the flesh session with the fans. Devoid of any of the sleazy titillation that their name implies, French Kicks mixed business with pleasure in the sincerest and most wholesome of manners, which only Americans can do, on a Sunday night. David Sanderson
HAVEN + GRAND DRIVE Cardiff Barfly FEY AND boring. Well maybe I just don’t get the nu-country that Londoners Grand Drive are peddling tonight but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’m sure the words ‘beautiful’ and ‘timeless’ will be aimed at the material from debut True Love and High Adventure they play tonight but it just sounds boring and unappealing live. Still, nice harmonies. Haven seem a little distant this evening, perhaps the rumours of Virgin’s plan to drop them are true. It matters little though because their better songs more than make up for it. Out Of Reach is dramatic and dynamic, Is This Bliss highlights what a vocal talent Gary Briggs is and the memorable Say Something might just turn out to be their Yellow. Haven may well have a more than decent album up their sleeves; whether they’re around long enough to release it is another matter. Rob Laing.
11 AAH, JUST what the world needs in these troubled times, the Super Furry Animals to come and make some kind of sense of it all through the medium of political sonic fuzz. A pop-rock solution to the world’s problems. But wait! The waters ahead are stormy, for before Cian, Gruff and co. grace the stage we have the acoustic bliss of Teflon Monkey with his ‘I saw Jesus die’ refrain repeated about a million times, followed by hip-hop newcomers Task Force, who are on the defensive as soon as they hit the stage, warning us after every song that they know they’re not our kind of thing. No shit, though it’s not because they’re hip-hop (credit SFA fans with a little more genre diversity than that). It’s because they use lyrical anecdotes that sound like they’ve been lifted from the Right Said Fred rhyming dictionary. ‘You’re lost like the weight around Ricki Lake’s waist,’ they holler to a roar of indifference from the crowd. Tactic two: roll out exactly what the audience wants to hear. A few drug references rolled off and they’ve got at
PEZZ + DOUGLAS + FISHTAKE + MY DEAF AUDIO Barfly WITH AUTUMN descending on Cardiff tonight openers My Deaf Audio need to do better to capture this crowd. It’s entertaining to see Fred Durst and Wes swap roles with enticing rasping vocals but beneath their bluster lurks… more bluster. They therefore manage to be both heartfelt and uninspiring. Fishtake on the other hand are a waste of a good name. Imagine, if you will, the worst parts of Idlewild and Nirvana chewed up and shat out by the Jolly Green Giant. Not pretty and not pleasant. So it falls to Douglas to enliven this musty Cardiff cellar. Their energetic punk exuberance turns the previously subdued patrons into mentalist moshers, every song inspiring a ferocious response. The singer responds in kind, diving into the audience to hand round the mic and berating security for bullying stage invaders. It ends with half the crowd on stage and the singer on his back while a fan takes over vocals. Douglas, you’re an absolute tonic, we salute you! In stark contrast headliners, Pezz, play with all the emotion of a battered fish, which results in half the audience leaving. Things do pick up momentarily for a stirring False Prophets and Someday Never Comes. Pezz, however, are
GORKY’S ZYGOTIC MYNCI + ZABRINSKI + THE SOMETHINGS Patti Pavilion, Swansea SWANSEA INDIE-POP five piece The Somethings kick off tonight’s performance, warming up the crowd a treat with their simple melodies and the thrusting of eye-catching beauty, vocalist Donna H in their faces. Although perhaps lacking originality in their formula, The Somethings’ sheer energy alone was enough to get the crowd dancing like there was no tomorrow. With the audience all geared up and ready to go, the second band of the evening Zabrinski come crashing in, bringing us their own unique brand of kooky, alternative clangor and heavy psychedelia. Their new stuff sounds particularly eerie, especially the dark Where’s My Boat which singer Matthew informs me had only been written two days earlier. The high point of the set was a frantic version of Mishi Brei whose ecleticism isn’t lost on the dropped-jaw audience. Although the vocals aren’t always decipherable, Zabrinski still give an exciting performance, with the new material
least three people interested again. ‘We fly our own spaceship,’ they tell us. Maybe it’s time they did an about turn and headed back to Planet Crap. So it was left to Bunf and co. to resurrect some interest, and so they did, from the manic bassline of Night Vision to the awesome falsetto of Run Christian Run, which came complete with a dedication to religious cults the world over. The lush melodies of Presidential Suite see the Furries heading in a more orchestral direction, without losing any of their anti-government sentiment. (‘This one’s a song about certain world leaders who are basically egomaniacs,’ says Gruff, before adding ‘They bum each other with peanut butter.’) The techno singalong The Man Don’t Give a Fuck proved as popular as ever as it morphed into set closer, Mwng track Mawrth Oer Ar Y Blaned Neifion, which soon became a metal disco of epic proportions, finally collapsing in on itself with none other than Arnie bawling the words ‘best mindfuck yet’, effectively writing the summary of this gig for me. Adam Brooks. ultimately a triumph of intent over content. Their proclamations of world peace through the power of fanzines are heart-warming but their screamed tune-smothering punk-u-like leaves much to be desired. ‘Make this world yours!’ the drummer shouts at one point; on this evidence, better ours than his. Andy Bevan.
URBAN SHAKEDOWN Seren Las FOLLOWING ON from their hugely successful opening party, Cardiff University’s Dance Music Society brought a drum’n’bass extravaganza into town as they gave Seren Las a midweek going over. Although One Mission have made changes for the better this year by taking a broader overview of all things dance music, drum n bass is still going to be a popular choice with the students – and Urban Shakedown’s hefty turnout is testament to the sounds of the underground. Tonight saw debut performances from a couple of One Mission’s new boys, with DJ Vapour playing back to back with old boy Chico Fresco for an hour of high quality liquid funk tunes that fizzed their way across Seren Las as bodies steadily filtered onto the dance floor. Waxing lyrical with Vapour and ‘Fresco was another of the new breed, MC Tripwire, punctuating solid mixing with intelligent rhymes that proved there’s more to taking the mic than simply shouting ‘Rewind’ and ‘Selecta.’ Omega 2 and Dexter took things up a notch with 60 minutes of dirty drum’n’bass that dropped in a
looking to give them the attention they deserve. Finally, in come what the crowd has been waiting for...Gorky’s lead vocalist Euros Childs pounces onto the stage, and embarks with the sugary-sweet folk melody This Summer. Before playing a number of equally soft,melliferous songs from the new album, How I Long To Feel That Summer In My Heart. Vibrating pixie Childs manages to keep the audience in awe by mixing tender,emotive songs like Christina with turbulent, hysterical numbers like crowd pleaser Sweet Johnny, which culminates in Childs administering a good beating to his keyboards. High point of the evening was a manic version of Gorkys’ classic Poodle Rockin’, with the audience barking madly and Childs bouncing around the stage in what looked to be a fit of some sort. It was a brilliant sight to look around and see the audience singing their hearts out to lyrics, ‘My mind was a mess/before you brought happiness.’ With encore My Honey working the crowd into a further frenzy, everyone looks disappointed as they’re ushered out into the cold. The night has been a beaming success for all; even stonefaced Childs deems the night ‘very interesting’ before collapsing into a chair exhausted. Gemma Jones.
couple of anthems to rouse shouts of approval. Silent Running’s High Contrast got vinyl pushing next, showing why many tout him as the scene’s next big thing. Reading the crowd like a book – a quality that many strive for but few achieve – the local lad upped the ante at exactly the right time. The reaction to the original version of Kosheen’s Hide U was immense, causing the crowd to flock to the dancefloor like pigeons to Trafalgar Square. Leaving the crowd seething for more at midnight, High Contrast handed over mixing duties to Bulletproof resident Enzo. It was an unenviable task trying to keep the crowd rocking after what had gone before, but Enzo was equal to the challenge taking his set that little bit harder into the world of jump up. Sticky boys and girls filed through the exit at the end of the night, looking forward to peeling off their soggy layers after four hours of arguably the best d’n’b seen in the union yet. Perhaps there’s a perfect season ahead of One Mission. Let’s hope so. Pat McCaren.
JAMIE ANDERSON Emporium AS PART of Jamie Anderson’s world tour, promoting his debut album Blue Music, Cardiff’s best tech-house night were lucky enough to secure him for a night. Vurt is a fortnightly/monthly night held at The Emporium nightclub (always on a Friday – a nightmare for those who work weekends), which (so far) has managed to remain one of Cardiff clubland’s best kept secrets, with reasonable door prices and a friendly and fun atmosphere. Due to a power failure the night failed to open on time, resulting in it being slightly more quiet than usual. However, Vurt has developed a dedicated following, and everyone seemed to be determined to make up for it by hitting the dancefloor. Room One boasted residents Owain K, Mathew ‘Mayhem’ Meehan and Paul Sheers, all well loved local djs who provided an energetic warm-up before Anderson hit the decks. With some very funky jazz riffs and tribal drums Anderson’s set didn’t disappoint, and he is certainly a name to watch in the future. Room Two was slightly more laid back, with an eclectic mixture of lo-fi beats and warped dub, perfect for chilling out to. The next Vurt features the king of techno, Dave Clarke, in the main room, and Bulletproof taking over the second room with DJ Flight from the Metalheadz, which might just be one of the best nights in Cardiff this year. Get there very early not to miss out. Helia Phoenix.
GORKY’S ZYGOTIC MYNCI: poodle rockin’...
musicsingles
(Parlophone)
THE MERCURY Music Prize snubbers are unlikely to equal their previous chart successes with this mediocre single. The fourth song to be released from their album, originally entitled Gorillaz, Rock the House lacks the distinctive vocals of Damon Albarn, rendering it incomparable to the annoyingly catchy 19/2000 and the instantly recognisable Clint Eastwood. The song is noticeably darker than these mainstream hits with peculiar melodic loops contrasting with bog-standard hip-hop overtones. Consequently, I can’t imagine many would rush out to buy this as it bears little resemblance to what initially made Gorillaz appeal to the teenybopper masses. Hayley Dunlop.
DARYL HALL & JOHN OATES I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)
(RCA)
HALL AND Oates, allegedly the most successful American duo of the 1980s, are back with this pension enhancing remix of their 1982 hit. Yet the cynicism which could surround the economic motive behind this release should be eclipsed by the fact that it is, surprisingly, not too hard on the ears. The combination of the original song’s smooth soul-influenced style, with the ever-commercially successful funky beat and bassline remix, results in a tune to which I can foresee many townies bopping along in the near future. Hayley Dunlop.
RYAN ADAMS New York, New York
(Lost Highway /Universal)
NO, NOT the old-timer Bryan Adams! Look again, this geezer is Ryan Adams, the once singer/songwriter tour de force behind altcountry stronghold Whiskeytown. He’s been described as alt-country’s answer to Keith Richards and this definitely has a distinct 70sera Stones sound to it. The detail of his song writing that seemingly makes Adams so popular amongst fans of American twang-pop is his ability to express love in all its exhilaration. By that I mean his songs are almost anthems and New York New York is one of the best from his current album, Gold. This is a great rockin’ ditty devoted to a city he loves dearly and will certainly pull on heartstrings in light of the recent events in New York. Laura Sykes.
APPLIANCE Land, Sea And Air (Mute Records)
DISTINCT GERMANIC electronic influences permeate this second single from the Exeter band’s second album Imperial Metric. Simple, but solid, drums, clean guitar and effect-laden bass have been the key elements to all Appliance music. However, the bands speciality
of producing homemade electronic effects appliances has resulted in the addition of a unique synth and bleepy sub-plot. Something that is even more prevalent on the rest of the new album. Two remixes and a video complete the package as Appliance embrace a broader sound and continue to delve deeper into their electronic toolbox. Max Jamieson
noise. I can only presume that this is an attempt at a clever guitar effect, but it has gone seriously wrong making it very annoying and repetitive. The vocals are muffled and Denison on many tracks tries to do a ‘scary goth’ voice that eventually elapses into unlistenable screaming. In Pop1 he repeatedly shouts, ‘This beat could win me the Grammy.’ Well, unless they start handing out Grammies for worst nu-metal imitation, it’s highly unlikely. This is a dull, boring and monotonous album. The last track is called Narcosis and it certainly sent me into one. Their website claims that the album ‘could never be described as easy-listening.’ ’This is quite correct, as it was an extremely painful experience. Anthony Lloyd.
musicalbums
GORILLAZ Rock The House
12
NAIMEE COLEMAN Sugar Me (EMI)
HMMM… A misspelt name – I was already suspicious, but gave this single the benefit of the doubt. I sincerely urge you not to do the same as this song is unremmitingly awful. Imagine an Irish Emma Bunton, but with even less intelligent lyrics. Is that possible? Yes, ‘Sugar me and make me shine’ repeated ad infinitum until I really wished to do the exact opposite to Ms Coleman or at the very least shove this track into her mouth in the faint hope that this will prevent her from ever releasing a song that is such a gaping abyss of banality again. Yuk. Louise Costelloe.
ALCAZAR Crying At The Discotheque (BMG)
IF YOU were to judge a single by it’s cover then Alcazar would fail miserably in the record sales stakes. Swedish pop music is thus far lacking. Despite this, the first single from the debut Casino, should push Alcazar into Euro-pop music success especially as the German based MTV2 POP has given a lot of playtime to the single. Crying At The Discotheque sounds like an up-dated attempt at Abba. Here lies the reason that the group may not do well in the U.K. Steps have already tried this and I cannot see the musically numb people in this country buying this (a far better alternative) unless CD:UK tells them to. The single is actually very catchy and straightforward. It’s slick enough to be aimed at a more adult market despite being a little tongue in cheek. The group are good at what they do, which begs the question of why they have to make constant reference to Richard Gere’s tie in the lyrics?! The single is worth a listen, offering something light-hearted and different. Rich ‘David’ Moore.
ANAMORPHIC The Engine House Sessions (Animal Noise)
THIS EP from Animal Noise’ new signings Anamorphic tries hard but, ultimately, underwhelms. Lead track Slow Song is all gothic epicness and brooding atmosphere, it brings to mind early Drugstore and other failed shoegazers of the early ‘90s. The rest of the EP adds menacing beats and dark ambience to the mix but fails mainly due to a weak voice and a lack of anything vaguely memorable. Paul Barnett.
PULP: Greetings from Camp Jarvis...
PULP We Love Life (Island)
I WENT to a ‘heroes’ theme fancy-dress party as Jarvis Cocker a while ago and it wasn’t because I found a pair of NHS specs in Oxfam for the princely sum of one pound, nor the fact my dad owns an ill-fitting tweed suit. No, I chose Jarvis because he is a song writing hero of our generation, a post-modern-ironicpoet-geek who has the ability to write threeminute pop songs about class alienation and the sycophantic falseness of New Labour and cool-Britannia. One of the few bands good enough to survive the Britpop cull that claimed the lives of lesser bands like Menswear, they finally return. It hasn’t been easy for them. They ditched whole albums worth of new material, changed the album name and spent the summer playing obscure European festivals. The one bright spot is the recruitment of 60’s legend Scott Walker to twiddle knobs in the producer’s chair and this album is positively flooded with his influence and sensibilities. The production values give it the intimacy of a live album, yet the instrumentation, with strings, hods of guitars and even nods to electronica give a sound which begs to be described as epic. Pulp seem to want to move away from that quirky pop formula and progress to a more mature, edgier sound, which is perhaps not as accessible. Yet Cocker still has something to say, and as the country-rock intro of Weeds explodes into an anthem of an indie-pop tune about asylum seekers, you realise Jarvis is still a songwriter of some worth. Coupling witty lines like ‘Cut price dairy produce / Turns our bones to dust,’ with a song which actually MEANS something. We’re talking real social commentary, not faux-intellectual observation (is that Kelly Jones I hear whimpering?). So it seems I can still respectably drag out my Jarvis costume for a few more years faithful use and bedroom mirror posing, thankful that his band remain important to British music. And also even more grateful I didn’t go as Cindy Lauper like my mate Dave. True story. Steve Hurst.
TOMAHAWK Tomahawk (Ipecac)
APPLIANCE: reliance on science...
GRiP
TOMAHAWK ARE almost a grunge supergroup. Formed this year by Jesus Lizard guitarist Duane Denison, the band contains members from Faith No More, Helmet and the Melvins. With such credentials behind them it could be thought that they would produce a thunderous sound that reflected early nineties grunge, and to an extent they do. The opening track, Flashback, has a heavy riff that resembles Soundgarden and the bass rumbles along enough to measure about three on the Richter scale. However, the album has been produced to try and fit into the nu-metal market and this ruins what could be a very good record. On many of the tracks there is repeated
ORANGE CAN Home Burns (Regal)
FROM THE makers of The Beta Band and annual shoppers of any kitchen utensil store in the country, the saucepans are ditched for the sonically charged tremolo pedal as one of this year’s best albums is about to be released on the aptly titled Regal Recordings. From the opening, Home Burns never fails to make you stop checking the track number to tell your mates in your next Mojoauthenticated discussion. From the stunning blues beatnik, Crybaby, to the Spiritualizedesque Mornin’ Son, Home Burns takes us back to the The Beatles in a room writing The White Album as we move on a Helter Skelter through a cosy rug fitted collection of McCartney and Wings’ sleaze-funk bass lines and spangly acoustics. It’s fantastically Floyd with rugged Gilmour and ‘Ian Brown on a down note’ vocals, as well as an obvious hint of The Beta Band’s own shambolic style of musical creativity. Down Where She Lays sees glittering guitar slides with funky off-beats and rhythm cuts as it cuts into its own private jamming session. What is so utterly fantastic about this album is that Orange Can never hide their influences in wasteful rip-offs but use them and parade them. They’re closet hippies who never got over the tripped out yet unnerving space age prophecies of Pink Floyd, The Stone Roses or The Velvet Underground. Shoot The Morning Sun opens with Beatle-esque vocal symphony, while The Beta Band’s own take on that whole vocal style culminates in Broke/Won. But it is the amazing, Roger Watersinspired, basslines that are the real jewel of this album, humming softly in the background of the desert landscape of impossibly good standout track Mornin’ Son; itself a track that would easily sit with anything on Second Coming. Orange Can go on to tell us about being Only 15, a soft acoustic number that Gomez themselves would lay claim to with its heavily electric bridge and darker meaning. Yet, just as you come from beyond the monolith of A Space Odyssey the album finishes; and you are left with a feeling that you are looking across a void. It is Pink Floyd without the artistry and imperialism of those absurdly poignant samples as Orange Can make you ‘wish you were here.’ And unlike Spiritualized’s attempt at a new album, they do Let It Come Down, as the album finishes with a fantastic electronic sonic fabfare that doesn’t quite leave you with Brain Damage but with the tripped out yet Huck Finn story of The Player. Itself the most signature track that brings their best elements together confirming their titles as Kings of ‘the new Pink Floyd movement’, twenty-first century intergalactic hippies that makes you halfsmile whilst closing your eyes and reaching for the star covered ceiling. But you can’t, because you’re at home with a dozen requests for copies from your friends for this album. And whilst never in the same league as the music you’re mastering, you’re sat at the CD-writer, making your own Home Burns. Lee Davies.
22.10.01
musicalbums APHEX TWIN Drukqs (Warp)
TO SAY the new Aphex Twin album has been eagerly anticipated is something of an understatement. From Thom Yorke to Teflon Monkey, people have been salivating at the news that Richard D James was releasing not only his first album in five years, but a double album containing 30 tracks. The big question is, was it worth the wait, and is James’ current work up to the standard of his genre defining and ground-breaking previous albums? The answer is both a resounding yes, and a slightly quieter no. Drukqs isn’t an album as such, more a collection of 30 tracks from Richard’s vast collection of unreleased music on his laptop’s hard disk. Not to say that the album doesn’t have themes or flow, just that it’s obviously the tip of a rather substantial iceberg of fantastic music that is unlikely to ever see the light of day. Featuring a huge range of musical styles the album flirts with Acid House madness, blissful ambience, whip-cracking drum and bass and best of all gentle piano compositions which beautifully recall the
work of Satie. Some tracks (Ziggomatic 17 for instance) manage to include several of these at once flicking from one to another like a hyperactive child with a tv remote. Each of the tracks is unmistakably Aphex Twin though, either in style, melody or attitude and this is what holds the album together. But this is also the place where the album falls down slightly – the album certainly feels more introspective than innovative. Whilst James is still ahead of the competition in terms of ability and talent, most of this album feels very much like the places he’s been the last five years, not where he’ll be in five years time. It’s hard to complain though when tracks like Avril 14th, Nanou 2 and Kesson Dalet are stunningly beautiful and when 54 Cymru Beats and Cock/Ver10 make you jump around the room like a freshly escaped nutbag. Reasonably accessible, remarkably diverse, occasionally frightening, breathtakingly beautiful: this is one of the most interesting and most important albums of the year. Absolutely essential. Andy Parsons
13 O’Coisoig’s instrumentation drowning the final song Lose Me on the Way. Laura Sykes
APHEX TWIN: scary...
JUSTIN ROBERTSON Revtone (Nuphonic)
T h e D ru k q s d o w o r k . . .
ADAM GOLDSTONE Lower East Side Stories (Nuphonic)
THE IDEA of an open-minded electronic album built around the notion of a ‘sonic journey’ through New York city may echo the inspiration of David Holmes’ dark work Let’s Get Killed, of 1997, but Adam Goldstone’s Lower East Side Stories delivers something very different. Where Holmes’ similar experiment explored the dark allies of the NY underground, Goldstone’s eclectic blend of understated dance styles approaches the city from an optimistic angle, boiling over with seductive warmth. Despite getting off to a ropy start with In The Garden, let down by an uncharacteristically weak vocal, things pick up as house rhythms creep through brass stabs and piano riffs, interspersed with less conventional bursts of downbeat electronica. NYC Dub and Earthblow tread near techno, and Jacktalk parodies itself as it talks nostalgically of the death of vinyl in the cyber age, while the rest of the album tends towards the sort of thing that can only be described as that Gilles Peterson sound. The most exciting thing about this album is the way it twists and turns, each track pulling the listener in an unexpected new direction. The final track Alternations, a delicious slice of 70’s funk aided by the vocal talents of Fonda Rae, might seem to undermine everything that has gone before, but the album still makes sense. Adam Goldstone is a remarkable talent with impressively broad scope and exciting ideas. Lower East Side Stories may not be obvious, but nevertheless bursts with inspiration, balancing complexity with undeniable cool.
A nice young man
ATLAS Lwminations 4 The Blynd (Black Dog)
THEY ARE Welsh, they have a shit name and will soon be playing at a toilet near you. That is all I know about Atlas. They do however, clearly have an ear for tunes as Hide has a magnificent rolling riff as well as a Beatles-esque melody. Pagan Days also has something to offer in a fairly excitable kind of way. Perhaps an EP would have showed off their talents better. Unfortunately those tracks plus one other are unique in an album mostly made up of bog standard Brit-rock tunes with a few Super Furries moments. None of the songs are particularly bad and in a live setting the tunes probably rock along nicely but on record it tends to drag a little. The singer has a fine voice and the guitarist is not short on talent but in an overcrowded market that isn’t really enough. Having said that, if bands like the Bluetones and Shed Seven can have hit records then this lot
GRiP
can almost certainly do the same. I can’t help feeling however this lot are destined for indie-rock obscurity, but go and see them live as I would stake my Fugazi albums on them being quite fine. Tristan Chatfield
CRACKOUT This Is Really Neat (Hut)
DAMN THOSE pesky kids... You may not have heard of Crackout yet, but with any luck they’ll be on your stereo soon, as This Is Really Neat is a very fine album, and one that improves with every listen. The three-piece have crafted and honed a set of, on average 3-minute high velocity tunes, that are inevitably going to get you pogoing around a)your room, if you happen to do that sort of thing,or b) a dance floor/moshpit in a town near you. The album contains a plethora of irresistible hooks, punchy sing-along choruses and jagged, crunching guitars. Perhaps coming from the school of Jimmy Eat World, Radish, or former gig-mates Symposium (with a bit of Nirvana thrown in for good measure), Crackout use the tried and tested contrast of pedal-to-the-metal, hard and fast thrashiness, and (albeit brief) slower, more melodic moments with great success. The singles Breakout and The Evening Session championed You Dumb Fu*k are testimony to this. The band can’t help but sound young, and although this album is nothing new, it’s a strong foundation which indicates that Crackout could be championing Britrock for some time. Worth £12 of your student grant? Quite
possibly. Check ‘em out at the Barfly in November and see just how neat Crackout are. Laura Giles
HOPE SANDOVAL Bavarian Fruit Bread (Domino)
INTRODUCTIONS FIRST; Hope Sandoval was the main collaborator and responsible for the dreamy vocals in the sadly defunct Mazzy Star. Here on her debut solo album her collaborators, The Warm Inventions, consists namely of My Bloody Valentine drummer Colm O’Ciosoig. Bavarian Fruit Bread and their preceding EP At the Doorway Again are a fine start for both Sandoval and O’Ciosoig, who had not been heard from in four and nine years respectively. When band members pursue a solo career, the tendency is to compare the new music with their group’s old material. Solo artists often hate this, as they like to think they’re doing ‘their own thing’. As Sandoval co-wrote most Mazzy Star songs it is hard not to make such a comparison. This record is not a radical departure from the Mazzy Star sound, filled with mysterious, romantic lullabies; but where Mazzy Star have always had an element of neopsychedelia to their sound, Bavarian Fruit Bread abandons that for sparse,perkier arrangements. Around My Smile features Sandoval at her most sexy, reminding us again of her unique voice, with the chord changes and dark guitar echo reminiscent of 1950’s ballads. On Drop, arguably the liveliest track, she sings breathlessly over a cheery acoustic-folk melody. However, Bavarian Fruit Bread lacks any standouts on the level of Mazzy Star. As it progresses the record quickly loses focus, with
KINGS OF CONVENIENCE Versus (Source)
Do we really need another 50 channels? Another docu-soap? That shiny phone cover? Some things in life just aren’t essential for the progression of the human race and I’m thinking that maybe the remix album is one of them things. Norway’s finest purveyors of acoustic loveliness though would disagree. They would say that having their Nick Drake meets Simon and Garfunkel fare remixed by various electronica types would be a great idea and might just dig them out of the new acoustic hole they unfortunately find themselves in. Things do not bode well after track 1. Royksopp remix I Don’t Know What I Can Save You From by adding a tinpot rhythm and little else. Unfortunately this brings back painful memories of Everything But The Girl and Toploader chucking a beat at their own tedious efforts for credibility’s sake. For whose credibility exactly? The other major clanger is Evil Tordivel’s cartoon remake of Leaning Against the Wall. Somehow they’ve managed to turn a typically gorgeous slice of the King’s melancholy folk-pop into an insanely grinning kids TV theme complete with whizzes, parps and arse.
THIS AS Justin Robertson’s debut solo album, produces some interesting moments, but sadly it never quite fulfills its potential. Pretentiously described as ‘New wave soul for urban modernists,’ it is rather a mixture of tech house and 80’s revival. Despite the obvious limitations, Robertson still attempts a refreshing diversity of styles. Tracks like The Ice Bureau and I Am, You Are, rely on the funky bass lines that are evident throughout. Although on tracks like Crawling To You,the bass guitar groove is overshadowed by the 80’s synths. Whilst Daft Punk uses the style to its benefit, Robertson seems unable to pull it off. The single The Brightest Thing has a great dreamlike vocal, yet, the tunes which really stand out are the more chilled out ones, with influences from Nightmares on Wax and Cafe del Mar. The atmospheric Everyday Haunting really is quite beautiful, showing that what this album lacks in direction, it makes up for in versatility. The problem with Revtone is that the ideas remain undeveloped, so it’s listenable, but I wouldn’t rush out and buy it. Ben Hammond and Gemma Field
GENE Libertine (Contra)
IT’S BEEN a long time coming but after a painfully redundant two and a half years, Gene return with an album that reminds us of just what we’ve been missing. Never actually losing form, Libertine, looks to be the opportunity for the boys to reposition themselves as kings in the field of songwriting sombreness. Indeed they began by playing the territorial game, by releasing not their best track but the most obvious, as a first single. Tales of ultimate relationship failure, and a brash yet despondent chorus, means Is It Over? tip-toes delicately over their already nurtured patch. As does the seven minute staccato-stringed edginess of Does He Have A Name. But its not all quite what you’d expect. Although there are lashings of downbeat dejectedness in lyrical output, its not so in musical accompaniment. The shimmering guitars of O Lover is disturbingly delightful, considering it veils the subject of domestic violence, and the moral tale of modern selfishness in We’ll Get What We Deserve, draws itself against a ska-esque backdrop. Confidence has been fully renewed. A Simple Request flails with Smiths-like competence, slide guitar and the affected distortion on Rossiter’s voice creates an ambience with more swagger than Liam at The Met Bar. Walking In The Shadows, is fantastically flamboyant. And in lines like; ‘So I’ll follow my groin and not my brain’, its notably tongue in cheek. Preconceptions destroyed, rather less wallowing in pity more triumphing in splendour, Libertine ambitiously redefines Gene’s conquest to the throne of meloncholic delights. Gemma Curtis
On the plus side, the genius Four-tet mark The Weight of My Words with their trademark twitchiness and succeed in making the track their own. Alfie’s version of KINGS OF Failure adds some wellCONVENIENCE: needed noise to the a luxury... King’s sometimes-fragile sound. The rest of Versus though is mostly unremarkable. Strings are added here, an instrumental there and an occasional beat is thrown in for good measure. The band’s original sound is rarely improved upon leaving an EP’s worth of decent material. Ultimately Versus should only be purchased as a luxury item. Paul Barnett
musiclive/interview BEN AND JASON/CARINA ROUND Barfly
Comparisons will inevitably be drawn between her brand of heartfelt, emotive rock and artists like Kathryn Williams or PJ Harvey, but her amazing vocal range and the fantastic urgency of her songs will set her apart from her peers. CARINA ROUND looks scarily like During The Lightbulb Song, she sings Alanis Morissette, but thankfully that is like a woman possessed with the ghost where the similarity between her and of Jeff Buckley and it’s as if her heart is the whining Canadian ends. breaking right in front of us. She completes her set by flinging her hair around a lot and inviting us all back to her dressing room for a party. She truly is a star. ‘STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR FUCKING FONDUE PARTY OR WHATEVER AND STAND UP!’ yells Ben Parker at the apathetic audience. At this point, any fears BEN AND JASON: lovely beards... that the duo
A stunning live performance in Cardiff not two weeks ago put Preston School of Industry firmly on the musical map. Gemma Curtis chats to ex-Pavement member ‘Spiral Stairs’ and asks does all this sound gas or is he struggling to live up to the standards set by his own back catalogue? SCOTT KANNBERG is a most unassuming man. Having already seen the solo efforts of Stephen Malkmus, now the musical fraternity are welcoming back the ‘other’ member of Pavement, the wet dream of many an indiespotter and lots more besides. With the British press instigating a mad wave of pro--American band propaganda, acts like The White Stripes have become nearhousehold names. Perhaps the time is absolutely right here now for a Spiral Stairs SPIRAL STAIRS:Caught in the throes of passion – for his music like.
14 may be more of Alan McGee’s indie bedwetters rapidly disappear. Welcome then, to Ben and Jason; elegant tramps with beards, suits and broken hearts who have come to entertain us with gorgeous melodies and talk of Peter Sutcliffe and fondue parties. Most of the set, drawn heavily from new album Ten Songs About You, touches the raw, slightly shambolic beauty of Badly Drawn Boy, Turin Brakes et al, while songs such as Duet plumb the depths of primitive despair and fragility reached by Nick Drake or Tom Mcrae. The addition of a rhythm section adds depth and creates a full, layered sound which averts the danger of them becoming ‘Just another miserable acoustic band.’ In short, B&J sound like Radiohead if they’d woken up one morning and realised that life was actually quite peachy. They certainly have a sense of humour. At one point we’re made to applaud Ben’s worryingly Trotskyesque beard, and they play a fantastically lively cover of David Bowies Starman. They finish with recent single ‘The Wild Things,’ which would make Jason Pierce cry. Tonight’s performance makes you thankful that Jason’s career as an undertaker failed because he was too short (yes, really). ‘We may be folk but we’re punk as well,’ states Parker with a wry smile, and you can’t help but agree. Sure, they may write songs for Martine McCutchen, but tonight it’s clear that they saved the best for us. Maria Thomas.
reinvention? What with all the old expectations, aims and largely reached ambitions behind him, he quietly deliberates his future within the current lo-fi climate. But with such a plotted history, the inspiration must have occasionally been lacking; “It goes in waves. You kinda get bored, then you hear a new record by someone and you get excited and want to carry on. Also as you get older you appreciate things you wouldn’t before. I never liked, say Neil Young, and I hated Led Zeppelin. And now I listen to it, and some of its ok. But I still get more excited by new bands more.” Kannberg’s love for up and coming talent, has led to him setting up his own record label. Being run by him and one other, ex-member of old-skoolers Creeper Lagoon, the label puts out tracks by the current sweethearts of the American underground scene. His enthusiasm for others new work was all integral to his own return. Especially as old in-band divides and complications forced a reassessment of sorts; “After the last Pavement tour I didn’t want to play music. It was really frustrating, that and the last record. You know, a band I started
THE CHARLATANS Bristol Rock REMEMBER THE good old days. The UK garage scene was merely a twinkle in DJ Spoony’s eye. Battles between faux-cockneys and Manc ‘hardmen’ adorned the front covers of the music press. And guitar bands managed to have some enigmatic appeal beyond skinny-ties and blown up industry hype. Seeing things through rose tinted spectacles? Well perhaps, but tonight The Charlatans are a reminder of such typically aged delights. No flashy light shows or superfluous backdrops are abused to excuse musical shortcomings. There are no guest appearances or shameless, self-gratifying musical indulgences. Instead here are a band with natural aptness and plentiful tunage, grappling with the past and the current, in a reflective set of pop mastery. Admittedly they’re playing to people who by the looks of it, have been knocking around these musical pastures for a while. Made up in the majority by mid-twenty something’s; their fan base is seemingly restricted in the majority to the original baggy-rolling-intoBritpop hardcore. And for such, the awesome swagger of Weirdo and stupendous groove of One To
Another satisfies their long gone teenage angst and indie-club dancing hearts. With the instantly recognisable opening chords of Love Is The Key crescendoing around the venue, much of the same expectation is achieved. Minus the exception of the single though, the collective are less receptive to the falsetto-led new material, taking the place of the base, laddish sound of previous endeavours. And If I Fall, thus loses the delicacies of its recorded nicety. A Man Needs To Be Told though, has all sincerity and misshapen at-odds charm as ever. And as Burgess’ snake-hipped dancing gets progressively more camp meets kitsch, the room is bound together with sweaty punters, leering towards the magnetism of his exuberance. With his somewhat boyish, (if rather more aged and rotund) misdemeanour and the emotive, organ beat-fuelled throng of The Only One I Know, the frontman and his boys make those collected ball for more. The Charlatans musical accomplishments and performances are now at a higher state of play. With the funk-driven vibes and quality of songs, it’s a reminder, if one is needed, that the old ones are often still the best. Gemma Curtis
and really spent ten years behind, falling LEGEND: Spiral Stairs apart because one guy went crazy, and couldn’t deal with the situation any more.” And its an extremely good bit of luck for the listening public that the man remained bitten by the music bug. With the debut album, All This Sounds Gas being an absolute gem of sweetness and rolling country pop, its subtle nuances are engrossing and ultimately charming. Perhaps this free-flowing sound reflects the new, lower levels of stress involved in being, fundamentally , a solo artist. He pauses and then dismisses this as a non-factor. “I never was really under any pressure in Pavement. Near the end, I guess we were because with the albums there was more at stake and more responsibilities with videos and stuff. But then this is a lot more relaxed although I spent way more time doing this record than I did any of the old band records.” And how long was that? A wry smile and a laugh, he adds, “a couple of months.” “In Pavement we mainly did one take and that was it. When your twenty-four you don’t care. Sometimes I like that kind of spontaneity, a lot of stuff on this album was done similarly in one take. But I took more time afterwards making sure it was all alright.” The album, is divided in a way that suits Kannberg’s reckoning about album “After the last listening pleasures: “With any album, you Pavement tour I can only ever take 20 minutes at a time. That’s the beauty of Vinyl. With All This didn’t want to play Sounds Gas, it splits after History of A music.” River. It’s like a journey- out-only to then find your way back.`” And this is one of the the most appealing And the two part idea does work. His aim, features of Kannberg. His sincerity, and his for now, seems to be to draw us round to his integrity. He is open to discuss anything, and way of thinking, be it about album formats or debates his past in non-resentful tones. But on the opinions of other bands. most attractive is the still passionate edge for “I think that’s part of your responsibilitybeing a songwriter; you try to convert people. I guess some don’t “ A lot of bands don’t talk about anything, care- like some trust fund kids-but most do. other than how miserable their life is. But All my favourite bands were always very you’re playing music- how miserable can it be? influential on me through interviews and Yes indeed, ‘The Stairs’ is back. And he is cover songs they did. I wouldn’t have picked finally only too pleased to be here. up on Television if Echo and the Bunnymen Gemma Curtis. hadn’t spoken about them. “
Spiralling: out of control?
T
he finest Indian Cuisine Open 7 days a week Restaurant & Take away
Sunday & Monday Night Special All you can eat for only
£7.50
per person
(Restaurant Dining Only)
FREE Home
Open Hours Sun-Thurs 6-12pm Fri-Sat 6-1am
TAKEAWAY SPECIAL OFFER
Buy 1 Main Course & Get 1 FREE Excludes: King Prawn main dishes, must be ordered with a rice or nan (Collection only) Offer ends October 31st
Reservation and Take Away Service
Chillies Special Offer
Tues-Sat Night Five Course set Meal for One
Delivery
when you collect
Tel: 029 2034 1166/2034 4526
86 Whitchurch Road, Heath, Cardiff
(Restaurant Dining only)
Cardiff School of Biosciences, Off Park Place, near the Tower Block Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm
Open: Mon - Sat 10.00am - 5.30pm
Cough
Blocked nose, sore throat, headache, aches and pains.....
Common Cold Centre
10%
Student Discount
UPSTAIRS CARDIFF ANTIQUE CENTRE 10-12 Royal Arcade, Cardiff Tel: 029 20 398891
Got a cold or the flu?
Have you got time to help us with our research at the Common Cold Centre? If yes, please telephone 0500 655398 (Freephone) or come to the Common Cold Centre. You will be compensated for your time and travel by a cheque payment at the end of the study
Queen St.➔
Indian Restaurant and Take Away
High St. Howells
Cardiff Castle
off
Dex
£7.95
St Mary St. Royal Arcade
15%
Funky Wigs, & Shades Flares, Jeans, Shirts, Mini Dresses Ball Masks & Theme Accessories
Do you have some time to spare? If you are suffering from a cough please come and see us. You may be able to help us with our research. Expenses will be given for those who participate in the trial.
☎
Freephone 0500 655398
Common Cold Centre
Cardiff School of Biosciences, Off Park Place, near the Tower Block Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm
Television
22 October
Monday
What The Victorians Did BBC 2 8.30pm
The Great Fire Of London Channel 4 9.00pm STAYING IN TONIGHT? Call for the latest student deals
BBC 2
HTV
S4C
CHANNEL 5
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 A Morning with EastEnders 9.20 Kilroy 10.25 A Morning with EastEnders 10.50 Bargain Hunt 11.40 A Morning with EastEnders 12.00 Neighbours Revealed 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.50 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 The Cramp Twins 4.20 Eureka TV 4.35 The Queen's Nose Starring Clare Kingston 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours
6.00 Open University 7.00 Pocket Dragon Adventures 7.10 Potsworth and Co 7.35 Arthur 8.00 DIY TV 8.25 The Wild Thornberrys 8.50 Gadget Boy 9.10 Dennis the Menace 9.35 The Wayne Manifesto 10.00 Smart Guy 10.30 Brum 10.40 Tweenies 11.00 Teletubbies 11.25 Pablo, the Little Red Fox 11.30 Heartbreak High 12.15 Home Front Tricks 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Brum 1.10 Binka 1.15 Wildlife on Two 1.45 FILM: Hill's Angels 3.20 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 3.30 Esther 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 The Biggest Game in Town 2.10 Crossroads 2.40 The Bill Go away, you shouldn’t be here! Get back to your normal primetime slot you cheeky little monkey. Trying to hog the airwaves, I mean to say! Bad Bill! 3.10 ITV News Headlines 3.15 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Hilltop Hospital 3.30 Angelina Ballerina 3.45 Jungle Run 4.05 Mouse 4.35 Two of a Kind 5.05 Crossroads 5.35 Nuts and Bolts
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Saved by the Bell 9.25 Malibu 9.55 Boy Meets World 10.20 King of the Hill 10.50 Little House on the Prairie 11.45 Andi Meets Atlantis 12.15 Max Bear 12.30 Planed Plant: Pei Pwmpan 12.45 Planed Plant: Miffi 1.00 Creme de la Creme 1.15 FILM: Saddle the Wind 2.45 A Place in the Sun 3.15 Watercolour Challenge 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Planed Plant: Uned 5 5.15 Planed Plant: Ffeil Youth news programme. 5.30 Home from Home
6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.30 Rolie Polie Olie 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Powerpuff Girls 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Family Law 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 Oprah 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: Dead End Brattigan 5.25 Vox Pop Members of the public share their thoughts on the recent acts of terrorism in the US. Should be riveting viewing. About as riveting as my ringpiece. 5.30 5 News
6.00 BBC News; Weather 6.30 Wales Today Regional news. 7.00 X Ray The adventures of Ray Stubbs and his fearsome band of mutants. 7.30 Holiday Stars of Hollyoaks hit Vegas. Unfortunately this isn’t fiction, so don’t expect Max to shag a transvestite, or Finn to be reunited with his long lost daughter. More’s the pity. 8.00 EastEnders Sharon and Phil face grave danger when they are respectively mistaken for a pig and a potato by a girl who has a lethal addiction to bangers’n’ mash. 8.30 Changing Rooms Rumour: Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen was national kick-boxing champion in his youth. 9.00 Silent Witness Ranjeet struggles to link the brothers' deaths to the murder of a Belgian man. Sounds like a clever reversal of Poirot. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Living with Cancer 11.20 FILM: Dangerous Intentions 12.55 Joins BBC News 24 May I take this opportunity to wish Dave Thomas a very happy 21st.
6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons Classic Supermarionation series. Funny word that. Supermarionation. Sounds like a country populated by pairs of Brooklyn plumbers. I’m told that it actually involves puppets and stuff; like Captain Scarlet in fact. 6.45 Farscape 7.30 Class Act 8.00 University Challenge 8.30 What the Victorians Did for Us Gave us greengages and the shitter. Oh and Charles Dickens. And Mrs. Beaton. So quite a lot in fact. 9.00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 9.30 'orrible Shitcom that hopefully might wipe the smug grin of cunter Vaughan’s face. Or should that be ‘aughan. Or indeed ‘unter. 10.00 Coupling Another Friends clone that is actually quite witty in places. Take a look. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Isaac Stern - A Tribute Tributes led by Itshak Pearlman: kinsman of our esteemed sports editor. 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 8.30 Coronation Street Hang on a second, you’ve had your turn tonight. There are a lot of disruly programmes today. Something should be done about this. 9.00 FILM: GoldenEye I’m sure this film used to be longer. 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 FILM: GoldenEye Ah there you are. Can programmes stop moving around please, I’m getting confused. 11.55 The Premiership 1.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.25 Nationwide Football League Extra Now that’s programming for you. Football. Followed by football. Followed by football. Awesome. 2.05 Young, Gifted and Broke 2.30 Trisha 3.30 The Web Review 3.55 Box Office America Saviour of the chronic insomniac. 4.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Ydy Coleg Yn Gret 8.30 Pobl y Glannau 9.00 Taro Naw 9.30 Sgorio 10.35 Plague, Fire, War and Treason: A Century of Troubles: The Great Fire of London 12.05 Lost 12.35 Hollyoaks: Movin' On 1.25 FILM: Heathers 3.15 Football Italia - La Partita
6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Toyota World of Wildlife 7.30 5 News 8.00 Who Killed Caroline Dickinson? Is this anything like Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Sorry, not even in jest. 9.00 FILM: Buried Alive With Jennifer Jason Leigh. If I was a girl and my middle name was Jason I wouldn’t let anyone know about it. My middle name’s Susan by the way. 10.55 Dr Fox's Chart Update The popular music chart is a possession of the nation, not you Dr. Fox, you greedy twat. Fuck off back to Pop Idols where you belong. 11.00 Urban Gothic II 11.35 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.25 American Football: NFL Update 1.00 Moto GP: Malaysian Motorcycle Grand Prix 3.30 Motor Sport: World Cup Rally Motorsport 4.00 Motorsport Max 4.30 Argentinian Football Frankly the late night sport offering on ITV is far better than this pile of wank. Wathan says: “I never get a quote in the TV listings.” There you go then mate.
CHOICE Hollyoaks: Movin’ on S4C, 12.35am
(029) 2022 9977
62 CRWYS ROAD, CARDIFF
GRiP
Does anyone else think this is ever so slightly strange? The sleepy Chester suburb of Hollyoaks appears to have fragmented into two parallel universes. Even though the people in each world
CH4. As S4C except:11.45 Montel 12.20 Spin City 12.50 Cheers 1.20 Icons: Lauren Bacall 1.35 FILM: Forbidden Planet 4.15 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Home from Home 6.00 Friends 6.30 Hollyoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Hot Spots: the Rory Peck Awards 8.00 Escape from Colditz: Best of British 9.00 The Great Fire of London 10.00 Going Critical: The Bhopal Gas Attack 11.05 Hollyoaks: Movin’ On What is the significance of the missing ‘g’? 11.55 Lost 12.30 Shooting Gallery FILM: Ermo 3.15 FILM: The White Balloon 4.40 Racing with the Wind 5.35 Diary of a Garden G. Here it is!
Evening
Monday 22 October
Goldeneye ITV 9.00pm
BBC 1
Daytime
Today’s Highlights
Changing Rooms BBC 1 8.30pm
16
hang out at the same cool places, fuck some of them are even related, they rarely, if ever meet each other. Curioser and curioser, poor old Lewis has transmogrified from a cheeky chappy who had gone slightly off the rails into a dead rapist. We wait with baited breath for the harrowing storyline concerning Finn and his predilection for little boys and razor blades. Strange times down Chester way..... 22.10.01
Television
17
23 October
Tuesday HTV
S4C
CHANNEL 5
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Trading Up 11.30 Bargain Hunt 12.00 Neighbours Revealed 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.50 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 UBOS 4.35 So Little Time 5.00 Byker Grove Matt finds himself involved in a burglary. Claire is surprised with a special presentation. I think both of those are worthy of a sneaky ‘fnarr’ round the back of the bike sheds. 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours
6.00 Open University 7.00 Pocket Dragon Adventures Today the dragon’s in the late Percy Thrower’s gardening trousers. 7.10 The Magical Adventures of Quasimodo 7.35 Arthur 8.00 Blue Peter 8.25 Rugrats 8.50 Dastardly and Muttley 9.10 Dennis the Menace 9.35 The Wayne Manifesto 10.00 Smart Guy 10.30 Binka 10.40 Tweenies 11.00 Teletubbies 11.25 Pablo, the Little Red Fox 11.30 Heartbreak High 12.15 Home Front Tricks 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Binka 1.10 FILM: The Water Babies 2.40 Assembly Live 3.20 BBC News; Weather 3.30 Esther 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 The Biggest Game in Town A huge Buckaroo is erected in the middle of Cirencester while Falmouth plays giant Jenga. 2.10 Crossroads 2.40 The Bill 3.10 ITV News Headlines 3.15 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Hilltop Hospital 3.30 Angelina Ballerina 3.45 Jungle Run 4.05 Mouse 4.35 Two of a Kind 5.05 Crossroads Tracey goes on a bender. Well, smack my arse and call me Judy if that doesn’t merit the biggest ‘fnarr’ of the day. 5.35 The People Versus
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Saved by the Bell 9.25 Malibu 9.55 Boy Meets World 10.20 King of the Hill 10.50 Little House on the Prairie 11.45 Family Guy 12.15 Max Bear 12.30 Planed Plant: Rhacsyn a'r Goeden Hud 12.45 Planed Plant: The Blobs Anyone familiar with a certain term for, ah, a lady’s special time of the month might find this amusing. 1.00 Creme de la Creme 1.15 Elizabeth 2.15 Location, Location, Location 2.45 A Place in the Sun 3.15 Watercolour Challenge 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Y Marinogion 5.30 Home from Home
6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.30 Rolie Polie Olie 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Powerpuff Girls 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Family Law 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 Oprah 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: Anne Tyler's Saint Maybe 5.25 Vox Pop Members of the public share their thoughts on the recent acts of terrorism in the US. Jesus, is this still going on? Can’t they ask them about something else now? Like the price of fish or something. 5.30 5 News
6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 Animal Hospital Lucky the hamster undergoes unexpected major surgery. Not wishing to upset any hamster owners out there, but how major can hamster surgery be? 7.30 EastEnders Little Mo tries to hide her secret from her family and Trevor, whilst a distraught Sharon confides a problem to Pauline. Paul demands rent from his father and brother. ::Yawn:: Who else thinks EastEnders is thoroughly over-rated? 8.00 Holby City Tash refuses to operate on an obese man. Well, I’m sure the obese man objects to being operated on by someone called ‘Tash’. 9.00 FILM: Beverly Hills Cop II “It’s not as good as the first one – but it’s still entertaining. Even if it was on Sky about two weeks ago,” grumbles Film Desk. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 FILM: Beverly Hills Cop II Conclusion. Oi! BBC! Don’t interrupt my film! 11.20 FILM: Lust for Murder “Married couples do sex and murder and stuff on holiday. Probably a bit histrionic,” muses Film Desk, chin in hand. 12.50 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Star Trek: Voyager Torres crashes the Delta Flyer and finds herself stranded on an L-class planet. ::snigger:: Don’t you think that if he crashed he should be on ::titter:: an LPlate planet? Sorry, I’ll go. 6.45 Roswell High Congresswoman Whitaker's death lures the teenage aliens to a gathering of the Skins. Ah, that’ll be the drugs agenda hidden in the show. 7.30 Bill Oddie Goes Wild: Dorset Bill dons animal hides and a Viking helmet and storms around Dorset, raping and pillaging. 8.00 Gary Rhodes 8.30 The Naked Chef Jay Kay of Jamiroquai gets Jamie to cook roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for his band, using organic produce from Jay's garden. CUNTS. ::adopts Irish accent like that bloke in the pub in Withnail and I:: “Oi’ll moider the pair o’yiz.” 9.00 Secrets of the Ancients: The Claw Some war machine, nothing to do with Penelope Pitstop’s archfoe, the Hooded Claw. 9.50 We Are History 10.00 Double Yellow 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Seinfeld 11.45 48 Preludes and Fugues 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jason is shocked to discover Latisha's crush on him. I’d be shocked to be fancied by someone called Latisha. 7.30 Grass Roots 8.00 The National Television Awards Coverage of the Seventh Annual National Television Awards, where all the winners are voted for by the public. So all the winners will be fucking soaps and ITV programmes. Because, as any fule kno, the public have no taste. At all. 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.20 The Big Match: UEFA Champions League Featuring Manchester United v Olympiakos. Sports Desk – your thoughts? “Man Utd will win even though they can’t defend for shit,” shrugs Pearlo – no doubt echoing the thoughts of a nation. 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 Top Sport 12.40 Take the Mike 1.10 The Big Match: UEFA Champions League: Manchester United v Olympiakos 2.45 World Sport 3.10 Racing Arrows 3.40 Nationwide Football League Extra 4.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Cerdyn Post 8.30 Ffermio 9.00 Heroes of Comedy I think this one’s about Les Dawson. Who has his moments. 10.00 Brookside 10.35 Amdani 11.30 Frasier 12.00 Lost 12.50 Hollyoaks: Movin' On 1.35 FILM: The Prince and the Pauper 3.30 FILM: Knight without Armour
6.00 Home and Away Is Vinnie losing Leah? Shauna looks guiltier than ever. Alf protects Duncan from local gossip. But why’s Shauna looking guilty? Is it a ‘fnarr’ reason? Who knows.... 6.30 Family Affairs Fern apologises to Vince. Yasmin agrees to keep quiet about the burglary. Ziggy gets a beating at Lenny's. Arf! Fnarr! 7.00 The Impressionists In this programme, a look at Toulouse-Lautrec. From quite low down. 7.30 5 News 8.00 Family Confidential In Arizona, an estranged member of a Mormon family has made it his life's mission to rescue young girls from a life of polygamy. Or at least, that what he tells them.... 9.00 FILM: Lethal Weapon II “Erm, kind of on a par with the first one. I mean, they’ve both got mullets in so I’m a fan of either, really,” ponders Film Desk. 11.10 Autopsy 12.05 La Femme Nikita “Tosh! Watch the film instead. The French film, mind,” booms Film Desk 12.55 American Football: NFL Game of the Week: New York Giants v Philadelphia Eagles 4.20 Dutch Football: Roda JC v PSV Eindhoven
CH4. As S4C except: 6.00 Ivor the Engine 6.05 11.45 Montel 12.20 Spin City 12.50 Cheers 1.15 Flying through History: Roman Britain 1.40 FILM: Atlantis, the Lost Continent 3.45 4.15 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Home from Home 6.00 X-Fire 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Hot Spots: the Rory Peck Awards 8.00 Brookside 8.30 Driven 9.00 Extinct: The Mammoth 9.30 The Volcano That Blew a World Away 11.10 Hollyoaks: Movin' On 11.55 Lost 12.45 FILM: Restoration 3.00 The Last Witch's Trial 3.55 Football Italia – Mezzanotte 5.45 The Clangers 5.55 The Clangers
Holby City BBC 1 8.00pm
The Naked Chef BBC 2 8.30pm
Emmerdale 7.00pm
Extinct Channel 4 9.00pm
CHOICE FILM: Restoration Channel 4, 12.45am Largely overlooked at the box office when it came out, Restoration isn’t half bad. Starring Robert Downey Jr. before he started freebasing horse tranquilisers (or whatever it GRiP
is he’s on nowadays) it’s a lush period drama set, funnily enough, in Restoration England. Meg Ryan also stars, somewhat unconvincingly, as a doolally peasant girl but it’s all good stuff and it looks amazing. The National Television Awards ITV, 8.00pm
Tuesday 23 October
Evening
BBC 2
Today’s Highlights
Daytime
BBC 1
A festival of all that’s lowbrow and sensational, The National Television Awards celebrate soaps, ITV mini-series and bad quiz shows. Yes, I’m the most frightful TV snob but I don’t care – at least I’m not the sort of person who buys TV Times just so I can vote for Robson Green as the best actor in the known universe. Cuh, proles....
22.10.01
Television
18
24 October
Wednesday
Home Front BBC 2 8.00pm
HTV
S4C
CHANNEL 5
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Trading Up 11.30 Bargain Hunt 12.00 Neighbours Revealed 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.50 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 Jackie Chan Adventures This week Jackie shatters his coccyx while attempting to pound a walrus into submission, thus defeating a surreal Communist plot. 4.35 Oscar Charlie 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours
6.00 Open University 7.00 Pocket Dragon Adventures 7.10 The Snoopy Show 7.35 Arthur 8.00 UBOS 8.25 The Wild Thornberrys 8.50 Gadget Boy 9.10 Dennis the Menace 9.35 The Wayne Manifesto 10.00 Smart Guy 10.30 Bob the Builder 10.40 Tweenies 11.00 Teletubbies 11.25 Pablo, the Little Red Fox 11.30 Heartbreak High 12.15 Home Front Tricks 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Bob the Builder 1.10 Lifeline 1.20 FILM: Angus 2.40 Assembly Live 3.50 BBC News 4.00 Awash with Colour 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 The Biggest Game in Town The folks of Broadstairs, Chichester have a rollicking good time with the traditional pastime of Hungry Hungry Hippos. 2.10 Crossroads 2.40 The Bill 3.10 ITV News Headlines 3.15 HTV News 3.20 Hilltop Hospital 3.30 Angelina Ballerina 3.45 Jungle Run 4.05 Mouse My best mate in college was called Mouse. Odd. 4.35 Two of a Kind 5.05 Crossroads 5.35 The People Versus
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Saved by the Bell 9.25 Malibu 9.55 Boy Meets World 10.20 King of the Hill 10.50 Little House on the Prairie 11.45 Family Guy 12.15 Max Bear 12.30 Planed Plant: Ari Awyren 12.45 Planed Plant: Sionyn 12.50 Planed Plant: Caio 1.00 Postmodern Pastimes 1.15 Great Civilisations 1.45 Property Ladder 2.45 A Place in the Sun 3.15 Watercolour Challenge 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Labordy 5-4-3-2-1 5.15 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.30 Home from Home
6.00 ITN News 7.00 Milkshake! 7.30 Rolie Polie Olie 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Powerpuff Girls 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Family Law 12.00 5 News 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 Oprah 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: Kojak: None So Blind 5.25 Vox Pop Read Nick’s summary of this programme on Monday, which sums up the whole affair more eloquently than I could ever hope to. Oscar Wilde would have been proud. 5.30 News
6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 This Is Your Life 7.35 The Bench 8.05 The Weakest Link Awesome scenes – it’s possible that TV Nick will be making his second BBC quiz appearance this term soon, on this very programme. Added to that, techno PR queen Jill Mingo (who you’ve probably never heard of) is going to be on it in a couple of weeks. Let’s hope she does it topless, as is the custom when she does DJ sets. Bomb Jill. Added to that, a brother of one GR staffer has topped ALL this recently. Check it... (HTV) 8.50 National Lottery Winning Lines 9.00 The Blue Planet: Tidal Seas The fastest snail of all surfs the waves in pursuit of a meal. What do you think that meal would be, Pearlo? “David Blunkett?” Erm... 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Week In, Week Out 11.05 Band of Brothers 12.00 The Practice 12.45 Sign One: The Blue Planet 1.35 Sign One: Panorama 2.25 Sign One: See Hear on Saturday 3.10 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 TOTP 2 Featuring Adam Ant, Jennifer Paige, Tight Fit, Al Stewart and Carole Bayer Sager. Adam Ant bomb. Rest of them veer from shat to who? 6.45 Star Trek: The Next Generation 7.30 A Question of Sport With guests Iwan Thomas, Graham Thorpe, Ronnie O'Sullivan and Lawrence Dallaglio. “Dallaglio: come back when you’ve done gak with Bladon. Until then, fuck off.” Thanks Pearlo. 8.00 Home Front 9.00 Babyfather Drama series about four black men living in South London. I thought this sounded alright but AA Gill – who I actually quite respect despite the fact he’s a right-wing fuck – said it was far too PC for its own good. Well, he would. Big deal to me, I’m never in on a Wednesday anyway. 9.50 Coolhunters: Trainers Smack the Preview horse. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Seinfeld 11.55 48 Preludes and Fugues 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning Zone JANICE LONG CAN’T SPELL ■ I’D BE GUTTED IF I WAS V ■ LEWISHAM: CARDIFF FANNY MAGNET NUMBER ONE
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lisa is overjoyed when Zak returns to the fold. Fnarr. 7.30 The Big Match: UEFA Champions League Live: Arsenal v Real Mallorca “Costly Sol Campbell blunder plummets Arsenal out of UEFA Cup,” reckons the objective Pearlo. 9.45 Coronation Street 10.15 ITV News at Ten 10.35 The Ferret 11.05 HTV News and Weather 11.15 The Big Match: UEFA Champions League Highlights 12.25 FILM: Trial by Jury 2.15 The Big Match: UEFA Champions League: Boavista v Liverpool 3.55 ITV Sport Classics 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News Well, you know the listing for Tell It To Me Straight last Tuesday which said “Chris discovers women are turned off by his intellectual chatup lines”? Well, it’s only this week we learned that Chris is Gemma’s brother. AWESOME! ‘Intellectual chatup lines’. That’s what an education on the mean streets of Cheltenham does for you.
6.00 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 News 8.00 Sgwadnewyddu 8.30 Hoelen Yn Yr Archif 9.00 Murder in Paradise: The Death of Kirsty Jones Hang on a fucking minute! Given that her killer still hasn’t been caught, and her death was shrouded in somewhat mysterious circumstances, isn’t this offensive and exploitative shit? 10.00 Brookside 11.00 Ally McBeal 12.00 Lost 12.50 The Secret Life of Us 1.50 Untold – An Indian Affair 2.45 Football Italia
6.00 Home and Away A knight in shining armour comes to Hayley's rescue. “Jim Bowen,” reckon Nick and Pearlo. 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 The Movie Chart Show 7.30 5 News 8.00 FILM: Sleep, Baby, Sleep Straight to video horseshit – or ‘straight to Channel 5’ as it should be called. 9.45 Murder Detectives: Beaten by a Hair 10.15 FILM: The Fly II “No good, but might be a bit pornographic,” says Pearlo. 12.20 outTHERE 12.50 Live US Major League Baseball 4.00 NHL Ice Hockey Well, another funny week. Peculiar or ha-ha? Not sure really... Apologies to V from JT Mouse for erasing her from history. Thanks to Joe, Louis and the Colonel for buying me pints; Jon Wing for letting me into things gratis; Matt Evans for being a legend; Cathryn for letting me get my copy in late; the buffoon at Robots for letting me stare at him; that nutbag couple at Murry The Hump who remembered me from a brief meeting over a year ago; and a massive load of PR companies. Boss hoss.
CH4. As S4C except:11.45 Montel 12.20 Spin City 12.50 Cheers 1.20 Cheers 1.50 FILM: The Bounty Hunter 4.15 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Home from Home 6.00 Model Behaviour 6.30 Hollyoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Hot Spots: the Rory Peck Awards 8.00 Brookside 8.30 9.00 10.00 Ally McBeal 10.55 Lost 11.45 The Secret Life of Us 12.50 4 Music: The Mastercard Mobo Awards 2001 2.20 BodySnippers: The Body 3.15 Body Beautiful 3.30 Trans World Sport 4.20 Shock of the Old 5.15 Countdown
Evening
Wednesday 24 October
The Big Match Live ITV 7.30pm
BBC 2
Daytime
Today’s Highlights
The Blue Planet BBC 1 9.00pm
BBC 1
Coolhunters BBC2 9.50pm
STAYING IN TONIGHT? Call for the latest student deals
CHOICE Coolhunters: Trainers BBC2, 9.50pm
(029) 2022 9977
62 CRWYS ROAD, CARDIFF
GRiP
Of all the ludicrous things to obsess about and fetishise, trainers have to be up there with the stupidest of ‘em. It’s nothing more than comfort clothing for your feet (by far the most vile part of the
body in any case) and that there are people employed solely to pinpoint upcoming trends in trainers – as this programme documents – is one of the more grisly examples of capitalism’s ill-gotten gains being spunked up the wall. Christ, TV Desk isn’t suggesting a return to tying sackcloth and string round your lower regions, but there really are better symbols to seal your status with than bloody training shoes. 22.10.01
Television
19
25 October
Thursday HTV
S4C
CHANNEL 5
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Trading Up 11.30 Bargain Hunt 12.00 Neighbours Revealed 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.50 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 UBOS 4.35 Hollywood 7 5.00 Byker Grove 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Tad, Paul and Flick break all the rules at school camp. Maggie struggles with feelings of guilt. Just what has ruffled Lou? I reckon you could have three good-sized ‘fnarr’s there. So go on then....
6.00 Open University 7.00 Pocket Dragon Adventures 7.10 The Magical Adventures of Quasimodo 7.35 Arthur 8.00 Blue Peter 8.25 Rugrats 8.50 Dastardly and Muttley 9.10 Dennis the Menace 9.35 The Wayne Manifesto 10.00 Smart Guy 10.30 Dr Otter 10.40 Tweenies 11.00 Teletubbies 11.25 Pablo, the Little Red Fox 11.30 Heartbreak High 12.15 Home Front Tricks 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Dr Otter 1.10 FILM: The Island at the Top of the World 2.40 Assembly Live 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.30 Esther 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 The Biggest Game in Town Portsmouth is brought to a standstill by a massive Trivial Pursuits board perched atop the Tricorn Centre while Cambridge downs tools in order to have a go on a fivemile-wide Game of Life. 2.10 Crossroads 2.40 The Bill 3.10 ITV News Headlines 3.15 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Hilltop Hospital 3.30 Angelina Ballerina 3.45 Jungle Run 4.05 Mouse Week 4.35 Two of a Kind 5.05 Crossroads 5.35 The People Versus
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Saved by the Bell 9.25 Malibu 9.55 Boy Meets World 10.20 King of the Hill 10.50 Little House on the Prairie 11.45 Family Guy 12.15 Bagpuss 12.30 Planed Plant: Saith 12.45 Planed Plant: Bibi 1.00 Icons 1.15 Seven Wonders of the World 2.15 Not All Houses Are Square 2.45 A Place in the Sun 3.15 Watercolour Challenge 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Uned 5 5.30 Home from Home The MacDonald family from Winterslow swap their cottage with the Bouchards from Victoria, British Columbia. Bit of a dud swap.
6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.30 Rolie Polie Olie 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Powerpuff Girls 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Family Law 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 The Oprah Winfrey Show 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: The Spy with My Face “Only a matter of time before we see Austin Powers: The Spy Who Sat On My Face,” sighs world-weary Film Desk, downing three fingers of bourbon and snarling a little bit. 5.25 Vox Pop 5.30 5 News
6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 Watchdog An in-depth report into the UK food industry. I bet they won’t tell you that kebabs are made out of ET. No, it’s true – someone told me in the pub yesterday so it must be true. 7.30 EastEnders Things go from bad to worse for Patrick. But I think if you live in Albert Square you kind of expect things to do that. 8.00 Secret Life of Ghosts and Werewolves Including the recent case of a 28-yearold Frenchman who believes that he turns into a wolf when under stress and the infamous Monkey Man of Delhi. Ace! 9.00 Victoria Wood's Sketch Show Story Victoria Wood celebrates the development of the sketch show in British television featuring comic greats such as Morecambe and Wise, Les Dawson and Benny Hill. Ooh, Morecambe and Wise. Goodo. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Question Time 11.35 Film 2001 with Jonathan Ross 12.05 Liquid News 12.40 FILM: Viva Knievel! “Awesome!” 2.25 Sign One: Watchdog 3.00 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 The New Adventures of Superman Clark finally asks Lois for a date, unaware that Superman's greatest enemy, Lex Luthor, has come back from the dead. Always the way, eh? 6.45 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7.30 Rivers of Wales 8.00 Dragon's Eye 8.30 Top Gear 9.00 Horizon: Cloning the First Human Documentary exploring the possible outcomes of the attempt by Dr Panos Zavos and Dr Severino Antinori to clone a human being. The latest research suggests that the outcome of such experiments will not be perfect humans, but sick babies doomed to die from strange afflictions. Hmm, when I start a black metal band, remind me to call it The Sick Babies Doomed To Die From Strange Afflictions. 9.50 Body Briefs 10.00 attachments Fucking rubbish ‘dotcom’ drama. Just unbelievably lame. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Talking Heads Ace Alan Bennett monologues. One of them once mentioned Lee-on-Solent – the nonenity town where I live. So they must be good. 12.05 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The children involved in the hitand-run accident are shocked to discover a watcher in the woods. Is that ‘watcher’ as in ‘viewer’? Because I’m sure Emmerdale doesn’t get many of those. 7.30 Wales This Week 8.00 Coronation Street Janice and Dennis give in to their desires. And we all know what that means ...FNARR. Oh dear.... 9.00 Peak Practice Life at the Beeches threatens never to be the same again with the arrival of provocative new nurse Claire Brightwell. For ‘provocative’ read ‘big tits, no knickers’. 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.20 Without Motive The murder squad pay their last respects to Margaret Walkinshaw at her funeral. Which is the best place to do these things. 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 Sharp End 12.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 12.35 Young, Gifted and Broke 1.00 CD:UK 1.55 ITV at the Festivals 2001 2.45 Cybernet 3.10 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 3.35 International Motor Racing 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Brodyr Bach 8.30 Ar y Bocs 9.00 Fat Bloke 10.00 Driven 10.30 Y Sesiwn Hwyr Music from the Pop Factory in Porth, Rhondda, presented by Iestyn George. Not bad. 11.35 BodySnippers: The Body 12.35 Los Dos Bros 1.05 Action 1.35 FILM: Tawny Pipit 3.05 Station X Very good Bletchley Park documentary.
6.00 Home and Away Dani tells off an astounded Fisher. The campaign of terror against Gypsy continues. Yeah, but since when has anyone like gypsies? 6.30 Family Affairs Diane challenges Siobhan about her hold over Pete. Matt finally manages to ‘perform’, and the wait to see if surrogate Kelly is pregnant begins. Well, that’s a treorcha of ‘fnarr’s for the Affairs kru. 7.00 The Pepsi Chart 7.30 5 News 8.00 Scenes of Crime 8.30 Arrest and Trial: Evaporating Love 9.00 FILM: Johnny Dangerously “Lamesounding spoof thing,” mutters Film Desk noncommitially. 10.50 Real Sex: A Stimulating Collection Including a collection of vibrators going back over a century, a lesson in how to get the most out of erotic movies and instruction in masturbation from an exJesuit. Brilliant! 11.40 European Blue Review: Castle of Porn 12.10 Jonathan Pearce's Football Night 12.55 Dutch Football: PSV Eindhoven v De Graafschap 2.30 Argentinian Football 4.10 US Major League Soccer: MLS Cup Final It’s my birthday on the 25th, by the way. And I’ll be in GR writing these listings. Come up and say hello. Bring booze.
CH4. As S4C except: 6.00 The Magic Roundabout 6.05 11.45 Montel 12.20 Spin City 12.50 Cheers 1.20 Supporting Acts 1.25 FILM: Three Worlds of Gulliver 4.15 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Home from Home 6.00 Friends 6.30 Hollyoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Hot Spots: the Rory Peck Awards 8.00 Property Ladder 9.00 10.00 BodySnippers: The Face 11.05 Pornography: the Secret History of Civilisation: Pornotopia 12.10 Action 12.40 4 Later: Late Night Poker 1.35 4 Later: Onedottv 2.05 FIVB Beach Volleyball World Tour 2.35 Football Italia – Mezzanotte 4.20 Rocket Men 5.15 Countdown
Watchdog BBC 1 7.00pm
Newsnight BBC 2 10.30pm
Peak Practice ITV 9.00pm
Fat Bloke Channel 4 9.00pm
CHOICE Fat Bloke Channel 4, 9.00pm The latest in a slew of weight-related programmes, Fat Bloke does exactly what it says on the tin. It takes a look at the ‘social underclass’ of overweight men – who GRiP
apparently don’t get as much press as overweight women. Which I’m sure is something to be glad about rather than grounds for complaint. For entertainment value, it’s going to be hard to beat that programme from the other week that featured those two ‘chubby chappies’ – one of whom seemed to have hair made out of hardened, sculpted caramel.
Thursday 25 October
Evening
BBC 2
Today’s Highlights
Daytime
BBC 1
Attachments BBC2, 10.00pm A brief mention for this ludicrous ‘dotcom’ show which is meant to be a sign of the times but is, in fact, a bunch of twunts wittering on about MP3s, micro-scooters and iMacs. Trouble is, they’re trying so hard it’s already out of date. Loons.
22.10.01
Television
26 October
Friday
Robot Wars Extreme BBC 2 6.00pm
Friday 26 October
BBC 2
HTV
S4C
CHANNEL 5
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Happy Birthday Neighbours 9.20 Kilroy 10.25 Happy Birthday Neighbours 10.50 Bargain Hunt 11.40 Happy Birthday Neighbours 12.00 Neighbours Revealed 12.30 Doctors 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Diagnosis Murder 2.50 Birds of a Feather 3.25 Pingu 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.10 Super Duper Sumos 4.35 Bring It On 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Dione's plan backfires. Darcy worries that Victor may have ruined everything. Um, no, not rude. So no ‘fnarr’ today. Sorry.
6.00 Open University 7.00 Pocket Dragon Adventures 7.10 Chipmunks Go to the Movies 7.35 Arthur 8.00 UBOS 8.25 The Wild Thornberrys 8.50 Gadget Boy 9.10 Dennis the Menace 9.35 The Wayne Manifesto 10.00 Smart Guy 10.30 Bill and Ben 10.40 Tweenies 11.00 Teletubbies 11.25 Pablo, the Little Red Fox Sounds like he should be a revolutionary. Probably isn’t, though. 11.30 Heartbreak High 12.15 Home Front Tricks 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Bill and Ben 1.20 FILM: Asterix in Britain 2.30 Racing from Newbury 4.00 Awash with Colour 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 The Biggest Game in Town 2.10 Get Gardening 2.40 Soft Sell 3.10 ITV News Headlines 3.15 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Hilltop Hospital Not the best place for a hospital – people with sore legs couldn’t get up there and people with wheelchairs would just go careering down the slope. Bad planning there, hospital fellas. 3.30 Angelina Ballerina 3.45 Jungle Run 4.05 Mouse 4.35 Two of a Kind 5.05 Nuts and Bolts 5.30 The Biggest Game in Town Bloody huge chess.
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Saved by the Bell - the New Class 9.25 T4: Malibu 9.55 Boy Meets World 10.20 King of the Hill 10.50 Little House on the Prairie 11.45 Family Guy 12.15 Bagpuss 12.30 Planed Plant: Tecwyn y Tractor 12.45 Planed Plant: Sali Mali 1.00 FILM: Brothers in Law 2.45 A Place in the Sun 3.15 Watercolour Challenge 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Planed Plant: CIC 5.30 Home from Home The Sutehalls leave a bottle of wine for their Norwegian counterparts. And? Have they never seen wine before?
6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.30 Rolie Polie Olie 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Powerpuff Girls 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Family Law 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 Oprah 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: Frame-Up 5.20 Vox Pop 5.30 5 News Can I tell my joke now? Thanks. “I called my dog Blacksmith. Because every time I call his name he makes a bolt for the door.” Arf! What? It’s funny. And it’s not like there’s anything on Channel 5 right now. Jesus. Chill out.
6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather Regional news. 7.00 Celebrity Ready, Steady, Cook “I saw Neil Pearson today,” chirps Celeb Desk. “He was walking past the Bute Building and looked really annoyed that all these students were everywhere. And he was quite fit – which is odd because lots of famous people ming in real life.” 7.30 Top of the Pops 8.00 EastEnders 8.30 My Family 9.00 Have I Got News for You Guests are the BBC's Royal Correspondent Jennie Bond and former Blue Peter presenter Richard Bacon. Somewhat telling that Bacon is still known as an ex-BP presenter rather than a current Big Breakfast star. 9.30 They Think It's All Over 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Just Up Your Street 11.05 Jo Brand's Commercial Breakdown 11.35 Jo Brand's Commercial Breakdown 12.05 The Stand-Up Show 12.35 LA Pool Party 1.25 FILM: Jimmy Hollywood “It’s got Joe Pesci and Christian Slater in it but it doesn’t sound much cop,” splurges Film Desk. 3.15 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Robot Wars Extreme This edition features the most deadly robots ever seen on the programme. Remind me to tell you about the revolutionary ‘Tray of Skunk’ – the world-beating robot invented by my housemate. It’s yet to actually get built but when it does...BOW DOWN BEFORE ITS MIGHT! 6.45 Scrum V Live: Bridgend v Munster 9.00 Band of Brothers 9.50 Planets – Brief Encounters 10.00 Gardeners' World 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Mark Lawson discusses the week's cultural highs and lows with John Carey, Natasha Walter and Philip Hensher. Sorry, I must be very ignorant – I have no idea who these people are. 11.35 Later with Jools Holland Jools Holland introduces a diverse mix of music performers: Pulp, Jack Bruce, Eels and the Algerian king of rai, Cheb Mami. Ace, who?, ace and probably ace – because it sounds like the sort of thing Andy Kershaw would play and that always rules. 12.35 The X Files 1.20 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 2.05 Robot Wars Extreme 3.00 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The children decide to lie in wait and confront their pursuer. Gah! Old man Withers from the amusement arcade. 7.30 Coronation Street Janice and Dennis can't get enough of each other. Dirty buggers. Still, fnarr, eh? 8.00 Rich and Famous Today's programme visits Frankie Dettori at home near Newmarket racecourse. Hmm, at least its handy for work, I suppose. 8.30 House of Horrors 9.00 The Bill 10.00 Frank Skinner on Frank Skinner Is it just me or is anyone else suffering from an overexposure to Frank Skinner right now? I mean, funny bloke and everything. But you can have too much.... 11.00 ITV Weekend News 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 Ceri Du Pre Unfrocked 12.00 Pulling Power 12.30 Dial-a-Date 1.00 Players 1.50 New Music Television 2.20 Take the Mike 2.50 Box Office America 3.15 World Football 3.40 Trisha 4.35 Judge Judy 4.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Cefn Gwlad 8.30 Gwyn a'i Fyd: Awstralia 9.00 Friends 9.30 Will and Grace 10.00 Brookside 10.35 So Graham Norton 11.25 Sex and the City 12.25 Bar Wars 12.55 South Park 1.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus: Movin' on 2.55 Beach Volleyball: FIVB World Tour 2001 3.25 FILM: Comanche
6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs Cat tries to apologise to Jim, but accidentally reveals that Claire and Nikki run an escort agency. Realising her mistake, Cat retires to her basket and licks her arse to hide her blushes. 7.00 Cleopatra 2525 Hel, Sarge and Cleopatra discover an underwater city which has possession of a Bailey. Huh? Bill Bailey? That would be cool. Or a bottle of Baileys. That would be quite nice too. 7.30 5 News 8.00 Ancient Secrets: Sacrifice Examining ritual human sacrifice in the South American Aztec, Mayan and Moche civilisations, and amongst the ancient Chinese, Sumerians and Minoans. Sounds good. Bit messy. 9.00 FILM: Dead Silent “Recent Rob Lowe film – so it’s got to be bed,” reasons Film Desk. 10.55 FILM: Ultimate Desire Erotic thriller about a perfumier who comes under suspicion when a number of beautiful women are murdered after being sprayed with an expensive perfume. “With Martin Kemp!” shrieks Film Desk 12.45 FILM: The Fatal Image 2.20 FILM: Funny Business 4.05 Night Stand 4.45 Strange Luck 5.30 Okavango
CH4. As S4C except: 11.45 Montel 12.20 Spin City 12.50 Cheers 1.20 Icons: Elizabeth Taylor 1.35 FILM: Against the Wind 4.15 5.00 A Place in the Sun 5.25 Home from Home 6.00 Friends 6.30 Model Behaviour 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World: Colombia's Oil Fix 8.00 In Search of Mythical Monsters: Chinese Wildmen 8.30 Brookside 9.00 Friends 9.30 Will and Grace 10.00 So Graham Norton 10.50 Los Dos Bros 11.25 South Park 11.55 Bar Wars 12.55 Hollyoaks Omnibus: Movin' on 2.25 Third Watch 3.15 Third Watch 4.00 Jack and Jill 4.45 Bloom 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Bagpuss
Evening
The Bill ITV 9.00pm
BBC 1
Daytime
Today’s Highlights
Eastenders BBC 1 8.00pm
20
Friends Channel 4 9.00pm
STAYING IN TONIGHT? Call for the latest student deals
CHOICE All BBC2’s evening shows BBC2, 9.00pm
(029) 2022 9977
62 CRWYS ROAD, CARDIFF
GRiP
BBC2’s Friday evenings, once a hotbed of fine comedy programming, seems to have lost its way slightly. Band of Brothers is wasted here – it deserves a slightly more prominent time-slot
because it’s not half bad. And I’m sorry but Gardener’s World and Newsnight Review aren’t enough to lure me away from the pub. Or Channel 4. But maybe I’m missing the point. People who don’t go out on Friday nights are probably the sort of people who like patronising gardening shows and ever-so-slightly pretentious arts reviews. Still, Robot Wars Extreme, eh? Phwoar! [Get out – TV Ed] 22.10.01
Television
27 October
Saturday HTV
S4C
CHANNEL 5
7.00 Little Bear 7.30 Brum 7.40 Fix and Foxi 7.50 Gadget Boy 8.15 Flint the Time Detective 8.35 Rugrats 9.00 The Saturday Show 12.00 Football Focus 12.50 BBC News; Weather 1.00 Grandstand 1.05 Rugby Union 1.20 Racing 1.40 Rugby Union 1.55 Racing 2.10 Rugby Union 2.20 Racing 2.40 Rugby Union 3.45 Football HalfTimes 3.55 Rugby Union 4.45 Wales on Saturday 5.05 BBC News 5.20 Wales Today 5.25 FA Cup Draw Live 5.35 Jim Davidson's Generation Game Thoroughbred racehorses are attached to each of Jim’s limbs and ridden to the four corners of the Earth. Very slowly – so it hurts more.
7.00 Weekend 24 9.00 FILM: The Big Street 10.25 Holiday Snaps 10.30 The Bike's the Star 10.50 See Hear on Saturday 11.35 The Phil Silvers Show 12.00 Stingray 12.25 Star Trek 1.15 Turning Points 1.25 FILM: Never Love a Stranger “Never love a cousin, either. Well, not like that anyway,” warns in-bred Film Desk. 2.55 FILM: The Brothers Karamazov 5.15 TOTP 2 Featuring Adam Ant, Jennifer Paige, Tight Fit, Al Stewart and Carole Bayer Sager. “Mmm, not too bad,” concedes Pop Desk. “No surprises which song Tight Fit will be performing,” it adds, archly. Ooh, get you – leave Tight Fit alone.
6.00 GMTV 9.25 SMTV Live 11.30 CD:UK 12.30 On the Ball 1.20 ITV News; Weather 1.25 HTV News and Weather 1.30 Cartoon 1.35 Young Hercules 2.05 FILM: Mister Roberts 4.20 The Goal Rush 5.05 HTV News and Weather 5.20 ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5.30 Challenge of a Lifetime This week's challenge is a gruelling twohour crawl through narrow underground caves in Austria. Why? Can’t they just do community service or something? And, while I’m here, big shout out to the magazine ‘kru’ who were out last Wednesday. And those who weren’t. I’m sure you had your reasons.
6.05 The Hoobs 6.35 Blue's Clues 7.00 The ETU Triathlon Cup 7.30 World Offshore Powerboating Championship 8.00 Trans World Sport 9.00 The Morning Line 10.00 Scrapheap Challenge 11.00 X-Fire 12.00 Stargate SG-1 12.55 FANatic 1.25 FANatic 1.55 Channel 4 Racing from Doncaster and Kempton Park 4.35 Gwobrau Tir Na n-Og This is the strangest Welsh I’ve seen for a long time. Sadly, Welsh Desk isn’t here to offer a translation. But if anyone wants to write in... 5.00 Newyddion News 5.10 Y Clwb Rygbi: Abertawe v Biarritz I won’t bother asking Sports Desk. They think rugby’s shit. And it is.
6.00 Russell Grant's Postcards 6.05 WideWorld 6.35 WideWorld 7.00 ITN News Channel 7.30 Milkshake! 7.35 Redwall 8.00 The Powerpuff Girls 8.15 FILM: Pit Pony 10.00 Agrippine Sounds like it’s about some sort of Roman Emperor. Is this a subtle way of teaching kids Latin? More power to your elbow, Channel 5 10.30 Singled Out 11.00 Core News 11.05 Edgemont 11.30 Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane 12.00 5 News at Lunchtime 12.10 Home and Away Omnibus 2.15 Atlantis High 2.45 The Core 2.50 The Pepsi Chart 3.25 Harry and Cosh 3.55 School 4.55 Under Pressure 5.55 5 News
6.30 Friends like These Acrimonious cruelty quiz for pikeys and slappers. 7.25 National Lottery Winning Lines 8.10 Casualty Lara reveals to Dillon she is keen on Patrick. Chloe, exhausted by holding down two jobs, is beginning to make dangerous mistakes. ::snigger:: ‘jobs’. Hahahaaaaaa. Sorry. 9.00 Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) A rival agency is hired by twins to work on the same case as Jeff and Marty. Is the fact.0 9.50 BBC News; Weather 10.10 Parkinson Guests include Hollywood superstar Cher, actor Larry Hagman, and British soul singer Gabrielle. I was involved in a debate the other day about whether Cher would look better now if she hadn’t had all that plastic surgery. I reckon she’d look like a right old bat. But I did concede that at the moment she merely looks like an expensively remodelled old bat. 11.10 FILM: Overboard “Apparently a classic. I mean, who hasn’t seen it? Apart from me, that is, because I don’t really watch many films,” blusters Film Desk 1.00 They Think It's All Over 1.30 A Question of Sport 1.00 Top of the Pops 1.30 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? They’re in my basement. Keeping the rats away. 6.30 What the Papers Say 6.40 FILM: Hell Is for Heroes “No, no, no – hell is for naughty children who don’t eat their greens. That’s what my mum said, anyway,” argues Film Desk. 8.10 Empire of the Nude – Omnibus Keen to embrace the naked body, purify it and repackage it as a symbol of Britannia, the Victorians were not prudes in everything. Kirsty Wark explores the Victorian fascination with the nude, a subject that both outraged and delighted polite Victorian society. Should be good – Victorians were nutbags. 9.00 I Love 1998 Featuring There's Something about Mary, the kids from South Park, and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Jesus fuck – stop with the nostalgia. 10.00 FILM: The Daytrippers “Oh, some American family bonding thingy. With a station wagon – whatever that is,” exclaims USA-ignorant Film Desk. 11.20 FILM: The Rocky Horror Picture “Woo-hoo! T’riffic!” yelps Tranny Desk. 12.55 FILM: Hell Is a City 3.00 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 Pop Idol I don’t care what anyone says – this is dreadful. It’s not even so bad it’s good. It’s just bad. Soapstars was shit too. So don’t even try to persuade me. 7.00 The Premiership “Andy Townsend – come out of your caravan,” urge Sports Desk. Anything else? No, apparently not – the pizza’s here so they won’t be talking for a while. 8.10 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Watered-down version of the confrontational quiz show Who Wants To Fucking Come Here And Say That To My Face? 9.25 The Frank Skinner Show 10.05 FILM: The Last Action Hero “Oh, it’s alright but completely predictable. And it’s got Arnie in it which kind of lets things down. But, you know, Saturday night – let your hair down, turn the mind off...” Film Desk tails off. 11.15 ITV Weekend News 11.30 FILM: The Last Action Hero 12.45 The Premiership 1.15 Forever 2.10 When Stunts Go Bad 2.55 Dial-a-Date 3.20 Mixmasters 3.45 Box Office America 4.10 World Sport 4.35 World Football 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
7.15 Newyddion a Chwaraeon News and sport 7.30 O Flaen Ei Amser 9.00 Tystiolaeth y Meirw: Esgyrn, Gwaed a Gennynau 10.00 Top Ten TV 11.40 Stephen King's It 1.30 Channel Four Racing – Breeders' Cup Competition to find the most rampantly heterosexual couple in Britain. To a soundtrack of Cannonball on repeat. 2.00 Late-Night Poker 3.00 Motorsport on 4: The Powertour 3.55 Unreported World
6.00 Fort Boyard 7.00 Night Fever 7.55 5 News 8.25 Earth's Fury: Flood Path Series about flash floods which will probably wheel out the same stock footage of cars and trees being washed down some Italian street. Can’t they just wait until we’ve had a new flood before making another deluge-related programme? 9.25 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation A decapitated head and a headless corpse give the team something to work on. Surely a desk would be better? Ahem... 10.20 5 News Update 10.25 FILM: Look Who's Talking Too “Oh God – dreadful. I mean, I haven’t seen it since I was 12 but it was dreadful then and I liked all sort of shit when I was 12 so it must be really bad,” expostulates Film Desk at great length. 12.00 Live US Major League Baseball: World Series – Game 1 4.00 NHL Ice Hockey: San Jose Sharks v Buffalo Sabres This would probably be more interesting if it was actual sharks playing against actual buffalo. But, in the interest of fairness, they’d have to play in a lake and the buffalo would have to wear aqualungs. Because sharks can’t really walk.
CHOICE Big Shots Channel 4, 11.40pm The hard man’s hard man Ray Winstone presents this look at gangster culture in Britain. Which seems a bit late now seeing as how the Lock, Stock... imitations are
CH4. As S4C except: 10.00 Gazetta Football Italia 11.00 Motorsport on 4: The Powertour 12.00 X-Fire 1.00 Little House on the Prairie 1.55 4.35 Brookside 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Seven Wonders of the World 8.00 War on Trial 9.00 Heroes of Comedy 10.00 11.40 Big Shots 12.45 Channel Four Racing – Breeders' Cup 1.15 Lost Omnibus 2.15 4 Later: Mondo Macabro – World's Weirdest Movies 2.45 4 Later: FILM: Blood of Virgins 4.00 His Mother's Voice 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Inspector Gadget 5.20 Hang Time 5.45 The Magic Roundabout 5.50 Inspector Gadget
(thankfully) drying up. Although I’d imagine this is just being shown in advance of tomorrow’s screening of Lock, Stock.... This show promises interviews with actors who have played our favourite violent murderers as well as with the real thing. Far be it from me to get on the wrong side of people with nicknames like ‘Mad Bastard Frank’ and ‘Dangerously Unhinged Gary’ but I
Casualty BBC 1 8.10pm
Brookside Channel 4 4.35pm
Fort Boyard Channel 5 6.00pm
Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) BBC1 9.00pm
Saturday 27 October
Evening
BBC 2
Today’s Highlights
Daytime
BBC 1
GRiP
21
find the whole glorification of gangsters just a wee bit distasteful. I don’t care how cool you think real hard men are – they kill people for fuck’s sake. And this interest in the gangster code (looking after yourself and your own) seems to hark back to Thatcherite selfimprovement at its worst. There you go – rant over. Enjoy the show. Don’t have nightmares....
22.10.01
Television
28 October
Sunday
Coronation Street ITV 7.30pm
BBC 2
HTV
S4C
CHANNEL 5
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Breakfast with Frost 10.00 The Heaven and Earth Show 11.00 Geoff Hamilton's Paradise Gardens 11.30 Countryfile 12.00 The War Report – an On the Record Special 1.00 EastEnders 2.55 The Blue Planet 3.45 Morecambe and Wise 4.20 My Family This week my younger brother gets arrested for being drunk in public and verbally abuses a policemen for removing his belt so he can’t hang himself. 4.50 Points of View 5.05 BBC News; Weather 5.25 Regional News; Weather 5.30 Songs of Praise
6.45 Tweenies 7.25 Pocket Dragon Adventures 7.40 The Lampies 7.50 Gadget Boy 8.15 Flint the Time Detective 8.35 Rugrats 9.05 Hollywood 7 9.30 S Club Search 9.35 Mona the Vampire 9.45 The Cramp Twins 10.00 Kenan and Kel 10.25 Byker Grove 11.20 Rex the Runt 11.30 Robot Wars Extreme 12.15 Roswell 1.00 The Pop Factory Christ, is this still going? 1.30 Sunday Grandstand 1.35 British Superbikes 1.55 Racing 2.10 British Superbikes 2.25 Racing 3.10 Rallying 3.40 Rallying 4.10 Rugby Union 5.15 Scrum V
6.00 GMTV 9.25 How II 9.40 Fetch the Vet 10.00 The Ark 10.30 My Favourite Hymns 11.00 Sunday Morning 12.00 That's Esther 12.30 Waterfront 12.55 HTV News and Weather 1.00 Jonathan Dimbleby 2.00 Soccer Sunday Live 2.25 Pulling Power Michael Pearlman and Louis Pattison click their heels ironically and smirk knowingly at each other for a surprisingly entertaining half hour. 2.55 FILM: The Happiest Days of Your Life 4.30 Holy Quiz Fairly amusing JPEG going round recently... 5.00 High Performance 5.30 Textured Lives
6.15 Pippi Longstocking 6.40 Blue's Clues 7.05 The Hoobs 7.30 Bagpuss 7.45 Football Italia: Gazetta 8.40 Blunt attp 9.10 Model Behaviour 9.40 Model Behaviour 10.10 Hollyoaks 11.40 Rownd a Rownd 12.30 4 Trac 1.00 Y Clwb 2.00 Welsh in a Week 2.30 Brookside 4.25 Maniffesto 5.25 Newyddion 5.35 Pobol y Cwm ...of Uncle Ossie on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? The question (to save you looking for it) is “What chance have you got of seeing Christmas this year?”; the answers (a) Fuck All (b) Fuck All (c) Fuck All (d) Fuck All. Not bad...
...although slightly undermined by the fact that Muslims don’t celebrate Christmas. 6.00 WideWorld 6.30 Dappledown Farm 7.00 Beachcomber Bay 7.30 Milkshake! 7.35 Tickle, Patch and Friends 8.00 The Beginner's Bible 8.30 Tintin 9.00 Tiger, Tiger 9.25 The Mole 10.30 Core News 10.35 The Big Question 11.05 Miracles of Faith 11.35 The Movie Chart Show 12.05 Wildlife Photographer 12.35 5 News at Lunchtime 12.45 FILM: Arrow in the Dust 2.15 Exclusive 2.40 Family Affairs Omnibus 4.55 FILM: The Goonies Mince.
6.15 Last of the Summer Wine Wesley uses his renowned engineering skills to produce a go-anywhere vending machine. ‘Anywhere’ doubtless meaning ‘down a road in a tin bath’. 6.45 Antiques Roadshow 7.30 Kathy Staff – Wrinkles and All She was Nora Batty and Doris Luke in Crossroads. Bomb viewing if you’re sixty then. 8.00 Monarch of the Glen 8.50 Posh and Becks Big Impressions What do you think it’d be like if TV Desk banged out a Preview? I think it’d be a little something like this... 9.00 Waking the Dead Twopart moider drama. 9.50 Children in Need 2001 10.00 BBC News; Weather 10.15 Panorama: Bin Laden's Biological Threat I feel writing a preview of this in 100 words or so is a bit redundant, but this should be well worth watching. 10.55 FILM: Dead by Midnight “It’s obvious that since the BBC lost Match Of The Day, they’ll stick any old shite on,” says Bladon. Summing things up much better than anyone who’d seen the film could do. 12.35 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Wild: Tiger Trail 6.10 Wild: Nick Baker's Rhinos 6.40 Wild: The Natural World: Monkey Warriors This sounds quite, quite awesome, featuring rooftop monkey gangs and some monkeys who are worshipped as gods by the townsfolk. We want our very own monkey warriors. Maybe they can go out and score girls for us. And when they bring them home perhaps we could get otters to... [descends into freakishly bestial daydream] 7.30 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 8.00 Deep Trouble 8.50 Trade Secrets 9.00 Invasion 10.00 Have I Got News for You Guests include former Blue Peter presenter Richard Bladon. Oops, think that should say Bacon. 10.30 Aaagh! It's the Mr Hell Show! 10.55 Rock Profile Jamie Theakston meets Welsh legends Tom Jones and Shirley Bassey. Shirley is OK but Jones is a cunt, period. 11.25 Correspondent: No Compromise 12.10 Rex the Runt 12.20 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 12.50 Later with Jools Holland 2.00 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 The Sketch Show 7.00 New You've Been Framed! 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Heartbeat 9.00 My Uncle Silas Drama based on stories by HE Bates. Young Edward looks forward to the start of his summer holidays with his great uncle Silas – a man known as a rogue and a drinker. This sounds awesome. It also sounds like it was written by DC Gates. Hmm. Wonder if this HE Gates is any relation? (Unlikely. They spell and pronounce their names differently. You cunt – Ed) 10.00 2DTV 10.10 ITV Weekend News 10.30 Tarrant on TV 11.00 The South Bank Show A profile of internationally renowned (and hugely overrated) British sculptor Rachel Whiteread. 12.00 Alpha – Will It Change Their Lives? 1.00 The Web Review www.getatric.com/djassault/v ideo/yo.html – SEE THIS. 1.30 Roar 2.25 Dance 2000 3.20 Trisha 4.20 Cybernet 4.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
7.30 Y Sioe Gelf 8.00 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8.30 Llwybrau Paul 9.00 Bryn Terfel a Chyfeillion: Atgof O'r Ser 10.05 Newyddion News 10.20 FILM: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels 12.25 Going Critical 12.55 War on Trial 1.55 Under the Knife 2.20 FILM: The Red Squirrel (aka La Ardilla Roja)
7.00 5 News and Sport 7.30 Motorsport Max 8.00 The Mole 9.00 FILM: Storm With Luke Perry and Martin Sheen. “I haven’t seen it but I can guarantee you I’m going to watch it,” says the even-more-opinionated-thannormal Pearlo. “Throw in Emilio Estevez and you have a dream team.” Okay brah. 10.50 Murder Detectives: Case Files: Seeds of Destruction 11.50 Arrest and Trial: She Said, They Said 12.20 Live US Major League Baseball: World Series – Game 2 4.00 NHL Ice Hockey: Dallas Stars v Pittsburgh Penguins As is the custom, this huge space gets utilised to hand the BOMB to those who have requested it, or deserve it. Thus, a racktastic bigup to Ellie and Rhodri, plus their cat Megan. Megan has unfeasibly big ears, enjoys being photographed with all manner of minor indie luminaries (Gruff Rhys and Euros Childs have both recieved the Megan treatment I think) and is currently learning how to scrape resin from a bong. If you’re really lucky we might have a pic of her next week. Seeya crew.
As S4C except: 7.30 CatDog 8.00 Investigators 8.30 One World 9.00 Blunt a.t.t.p. 9.30 Popworld 11.00 Hollyoaks 12.05 FANatic 12.35 Model Behaviour 1.10 Model Behaviour 1.45 Westlife Live in Concert 3.20 FILM: Angels One Five 5.05 Stargate SG-1 6.00 Scrapheap Challenge 7.00 Extinct: The Mammoth 7.30 Channel 4 News 8.00 Equinox Special – Bioterror 9.00 Elizabeth: Gloriana 10.00 FILM: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels 12.05 Football Italia – La Partita 1.10 WWF Heat 2.00 FILM: Brighton Rock 3.35 The Chequered Flag 4.30 Motorsport on 4: TVR Tuscans 4.55 The ETU Triathlon Cup 5.20 Countdown
Evening
Sunday 28 October
Rex the Runt BBC 2 12.15am
BBC 1
Daytime
Today’s Highlights
Down to Earth BBC 1 8.00
22
The Mole C5 8.00pm
STAYING IN TONIGHT? Call for the latest student deals
(029) 2022 9977
62 CRWYS ROAD, CARDIFF
GRiP
CHOICE
is shit and (b) topical/celebrity impressionists are shit in general. Never more so than with schedulePosh and Becks Big Impressions filling hackwork like this, where McGowan (joined by Ronni Ancona) ‘does’ Vic’n’Dave yet again. And it BBC1, 8.50pm still won’t be funny. Beckham as a person is far too This is only on for ten minutes and competes for boring to be worth taking the piss out of, while if you hallowed Preview status with two programmes about want to see someone doing a dead-eyed germ warfare, but we’re not afraid to look lowbrow in impersonation of a pop star look no further than the our noble quest to tell you that (a) Alistair McGowan ghastly Victoria herself. Thank you. 22.10.01
Pocket Notebook Buy 1 get 1 FREE While stocks last! Tel: 029 20 781472 E-mail shops@cardiff.ac.uk
www.cardiffstudents.com
FREE HOME DELIVERY ON ORDERS OVER £10 ★
Dine in relaxed, contemporary surroundings
SPECIAL OFFER
Set Meal for One -
£6.95
• Any Starters, • Any Main Course • Any Rice or Nan Bread • Anything from the Menu (excluding King Prawn dishes) or 20% discount to all students on the à la carte menu
40 City Road Cardiff Tel. (029) 2048 8480 Restaurant Dining or Takeaway
6PM-MIDNIGHT SUNDAY ★
TO
OPENING HOURS: THURSDAY - 6PM TO
LATE FRIDAY
& SATURDAY
FREE HOME DELIVERY ON ORDERS OVER £10 ★
★ FREE HOME DELIVERY ON ORDERS OVER £10 ★ FREE HOME DELIVERY ON ORDERS OVER £10 ★
SNOPAKE
★ FREE HOME DELIVERY ON ORDERS OVER £10 ★ FREE HOME DELIVERY ON ORDERS OVER £10 ★
★
CARDIFF UNIVERSITY STUDENTS’ UNION
This Week (October)
22 Fun Factory - 9PM-1AM SOLUS FREE ENTRY
WITH ”BEAT THE CLOCK”; 9-10 80P A PINT 10-11£1 A PINT
22 24 25 26 27
Shed Seven 7.30PM £12.50 adv GREAT HALL Jive Hive - 9PM-1AM SOLUS £2.50 80s Nite - 9PM-1AM SOLUS £2 80P A PINT ! Lashtastic - 9PM-1AM SOLUS £2.50 £1 A PINT ON SELECTED BEERS ALL NIGHT ! Bond Nite - 9PM-1AM SOLUS £2
2 x DOUBLE VODKAS AND A CAN OF RED BULL £4 !
28 Java - with DJ Loveless and his cuddly record playing friends
7PM-11PM SEREN LAS £1 ENTRY WINE £4.75 A BOTTLE LIQUER £1 A SHOT
Coming Soon
Comedy Club - with Chris Addison 8PM SOLUS £3.50 WINE 4.75 A BOTTLE ! 03.11 SUMOfeaturingThe Freestylers 30.10
(DJ SET FEATURING MATT CANTOR) 9PM £7 SEREN LAS
Embrace 7.30PM £12.50 adv GREAT HALL DRINKS PROMOS 11.11 Global Village 7.30PM, £3.50 adv £4 others GREAT HALL 10.11
CULTURES COMING TOGETHER TO BRING YOU A CARNIVAL OF FREE FOOD AND DRINK, FASHION AND FUN
15.11 09.12
Wheatus 7.30PM £12.50 adv GREAT HALL Basement Jaxx 7.30PM £15 adv GREAT HALL
www.cardiffstudents.com Box Office Opening Hours: 10.00am - 12.00am Mon - Fri, 12noon - 12.00 Midnight Sat 7.00pm - 10.30pm Sun Telephone: 029 20781458 Second Floor, Student Union Building
22.10.01
Focus
The Gair Rhydd Features Section Free Word 702
A little bit of love
The list of countries that religion has torn apart is long. Rebecca Pash considers the governments plans to outlaw religious hatred in this country. While Aditi Bhatia points out that divisions run deep – even at university
T
he events of September 11 sent shock waves around the world but what was perhaps not such a shock was what was responsible…hatred; the seemingly senseless reason that was shrouded by dust and confusion on that day but which is being exposed and confronted in the events that now unravel day by day. Yet it still seems we are no nearer to unearthing any sense. No-one can deny the act of September 11 was compelled by hatred. Yet more importantly this was hatred bred by difference, a divide between different ways of life, different races, different religions. Like a gaping valley, the divide is bridged only by war and violence under which pile
high the victims of every instance of misunderstanding, intolerance, injustice, inequality, exploitation, violation and suppression. As Polly Toynbee of the Guardian commented “Those who believe theirs is the only way, truth and light will kill to create their heavens on earth if they get the chance…wherever religion burns it seeks power...religious politics scar India, Kashmir, Northern Ireland , Sri Lanka, Sudan …the list of countries wrecked by religion is long.” Britain might not be a country ‘wrecked’ by religion but what these events have highlighted is that the foundations certainly exist for it to become so. We are a multi-cultural society in which races and religions live side by side; the whispers of ignorance, intolerance and tension that
circulate daily have grown louder in this current climate of fear and uncertainty. One of the immediate reactions to the news in this country was a rise in physical and verbal abuse of Muslims and those perceived to be Muslim. As a result the government now plans to extend the Race Relations Act to outlaw incitement to religious hatred rather than just racial hatred. However, it is difficult to see how such a law will work. How do you know when hatred is being incited? Since September 11 I have had friends comment that every time they pass a ‘foreign looking’ person they wonder if that person is secretly pleased by the events of September 11. I have had a friend joke that they won’t buy anything from the shop at the end of the road. Are my friends breaking the law? And if so, would they ever be caught? Bin Laden
might be fighting a holy war and Blair and Bush might be fighting a war on terrorism but Britain is fighting a war on words and religious hatred. A war to which laws are not the sensible resolution. Being armed with knowledge, understanding and tolerance is the only way to fight this battle. The rage that manifested on September 11 was of course extreme by any measure, far beyond the limits of anything you and me could possibly conceive yet in order to try and put the tragedy of September 11 and the feelings that have ensued into some kind of imaginable context we must be aware of the extent to which we let racial and religious difference play a part in our lives. As Aditi Bhatia points out, scars of difference run far deeper and cut closer to home than we are perhaps conscious of.
“
Those who believe their’s is the only way, truth and light will kill to create their heavens on earth if they get the chance
A
”
s children, we would make friends regardless of race and religion. We would tell our parents about new friends that we had made at school, and when they would ask what race, we would say we did not notice – race, and religion were alien to our vocabulary as children. When I asked a friend’s 4-year-old sister what Pakistan was, she stated quite simply, ‘a cricket match’. This sort of knowledge did not make her stupid, but unknowingly tolerant and adaptable. At our age, however, the first thing we notice about a person is his or her race. Especially after coming to university we constrain our social groups to people of the same culture. It happened in 1989, it happened in 1990, 1991, 1992, 1994, 1997, 1999, last year; it is happening now, and it will probably continue its inescapable trend. Many of us come from far off places, Kenya, Africa, China, India and so on, to pursue a university career. I come from 7,000 miles away, so, when we reach our destination we suffer from acute homesickness and the first thing we hunt for is someone we can relate to. Relation is of two kinds – firstly, we can relate to practically anyone and everyone who has left their home, local or international, to study in a new place and unfamiliar settings, and secondly, in addition to homesickness, most of us also suffer severe attacks of loneliness. However, it is the second type of relativity that I am referring to, which becomes more crucial after a point. I am talking about a certain familiarity that we all crave for, and a particular comfort we seek from people from our own culture, race and religion. Sometimes language problems can lead one to only socialise with people who speak their mother tongue. Walking around the campus, something that strikes one in the face is the apparent social grouping of our students.
Polly Toynbee, The Guardian
Nigerians will cluster together, Indians will organise their own social faction, the Chinese will form their own gang, the British tend to stick together, Kenyans will congregate amongst themselves and so on. Rarely will we find an alliance of Asians and Caucasians, or even Hispanics and Muslims, Africans and Singaporeans, walking together through city centre. Our university societies are the biggest evidence we have to support this case in matter. The French society, the Chinese society, the Hindu society, the Iranian society, while all providing a strong base for students and allowing them to enjoy their home culture in a foreign land, are also driving many students apart, causing the concept of ‘multinational mingling’ to deteriorate. Once initiated into your own cultural group one has little wish or opportunity to move to broader horizons. These cultural groups become social restrictions and in some cases can lead to cultural tensions. Take for example, how little contact one has with the local culture. It is surprising that many of us having spent three years in Wales have picked up so little about the Welsh culture and its language. University guides and self-help books do tackle the issues of shyness and self-consciousness which prevent one from maximising their social potential, however they skip over situations where students do not wish to or make the effort to really form a multinational social circle and get to know about people from different cultures and the types of lifestyles they lead. It is during the first couple of months of university that we base our roots and to enjoy the university experience to its fullest it is essential that we stop defining boundaries and social restrictions, even if we do not do it on purpose, and make an attempt to gel with people, without considering their caste, culture, race, or religion.
FocusFocusFocus INSIDE FOCUS THIS WEEK: THE WAR ON TERRORISM – GOOD OR BAD? • THE
CONSERVATIVE PARTY CONFERENCE THAT WAS FORGOTTEN ABOUT • CHECK IN VISITS INDONESIA • PATRICK JONES INTERVIEW • POP IDOLS & MORE
14 • Focus
Gair Rhydd Monday 22 October 2001
End the Destruction Dan McKee underlines why the war on Afghanistan should and must stop
“
What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?
“
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
B
efore I begin with why I am against the war in Afghanistan I must first point out that I do not support the attacks to the US on September 11 2001. As a dual US/UK citizen with friends and family in Manhattan (including my mother who was there at the time), I understand entirely the gravity of the situation and was as disturbed and sickened as anyone at the grotesque destruction and massacre that occurred that day. Panic, confusion, disgust, horror, fear…all these emotions sliced through me as I watched the events of that Tuesday unfold live on TV and tried to get in contact with my mother and other friends who lived or worked in New York. All these feelings, but also, paradoxically a complete acceptance of what had happened. As those two towers plummeted to the ground, one by one, killing all who were inside, it just made a sad, cold and twisted sense to me. It was to be expected. Yes, September 11 shocked and devastated me as much as anyone else, and I understand the horrific human cost of its wake, however, it was not a complete surprise and what sickens and disgusts me more, is our response to that attack. What makes me angrier than thinking of the wasted innocent life that was destroyed in just a few minutes that day, is thinking of George W Bush and Tony Blair’s war on terrorism and the many more deaths it has already caused and those still to come. My reasons for opposing this war are many, so I’ll start at the beginning and try to explain it all. First of all, the terrorist acts of September 11 did not happen without reason. I am not for one minute trying to be an apologist for that kind of atrocity, I am just pointing out the obvious – you don’t hijack a plane and kill yourself and thousands more without (what seems to you at least) a reason. It was not an act of madmen. Madmen do not plot and plan their behaviours years in advance. This was done deliberately because the people who committed the act have a grievance towards it’s targets. Now, the guilt for this has been placed on the head of Osama bin Laden and his al-Qa’ida network. First, the ridiculous evidence used against bin Laden should be pointed
out. Whether he did it or not, I don’t think either our government or the US government could get him tried in a court of law with the flimsy assumptions, conjectures and plain dubious slivers of information. This is probably why they repeatedly refuse to allow the Taliban to see this alleged evidence, even though they have said that with that evidence they would give bin Laden over to a third party for trial. But for the sake of argument here, I shall suppose that it was indeed bin Laden and co who are responsible. So the US wants to stop bin Laden and his protectors and, ultimately, put an end to terrorism? It sounds admirable really doesn’t it? Surely putting an end to terrorism is a goal that not even the most critical observer can be opposed to? In fact, I agree that we should put an end to terrorism and I would applaud wholeheartedly any attempts to eradicate that most vile of political practices from existence. This is why I equally wholeheartedly oppose this war. The reason terrorism is disgusting is because of its dispassionate destruction of innocent human life in the pursuit of political goals. To treat another person’s life with such
way to do it. First of all, the grievances and concerns have not been addressed. Now, no matter how much our leaders wriggle out of this by proclaiming that listening to terrorists would be giving in to terror, they can’t ignore the fact that, if you don’t listen, understand and find out what reasons people are driven to such extreme lengths, no matter how many bin Ladens you arrest or kill, more and more will pop-up if the original complaint still persists. You do not achieve understanding and work out longlasting solutions by dropping bombs on a country and killing its citizens. A bullet of diplomacy is needed, not one of gunpowder. So even if our intentions were honourable here and we wanted to destroy terrorism, we are going about it completely the wrong way, using methods more likely to increase hostility, bad feeling and violence across the world than methods to calm and end terrorism. But history throws a shadow of doubt even on the validity of our objectives in this war. America has the world’s most shameful record of terrorism and foreign policy. What moral ground does a country who have killed over
to commit more terror in Chechenya? And as their constant allies, the UK is as complicit as the US in their multiple crimes and terrorist acts, of which only a few were alluded to above. Historically the US has only ever fought war to further its political or economic aims, usually under the guise of some sort of moral crusade; against fascism, against communism, against ethnic cleansing, and historically, with no exceptions, these given justifications never add up to the actual reality of their actions – true motives become clear with time and research, political positioning, profitable resources and economic interests. Just as this war against Afghanistan and its ruling Taliban (an organisation that the US helped create and support), or more specifically still, Osama bin Laden, a man trained in his terrorist tactics by none other than the CIA themselves, is not really a war against terrorism. It can’t be, simply as a matter of logic, because the tactics they are using are tactics that merely increase terror and don’t make sense. And what right does a country who has killed a hundred times over the number of innocent dead in the Twin
You do not achieve understanding and work out long-lasting solutions by dropping bombs on a country and killing its citizens. A bullet of diplomacy is needed, not one of gunpowder disdain – as if it were just an obstacle, expendable and valueless in the greater scheme of your political objectives is simply unacceptable. Now what is a war except this level of disdain writ large? We want bin Laden, and to get him we are going to bomb a country already ravaged by bombs from it’s war with the Soviets and over twenty years of conflicts. We are going to attempt to destroy the infrastructure of a country that has no infrastructure and we are going to ultimately kill many innocent Afghan civilians on our way to our intended goal of capturing (dead or alive!) bin Laden. In other words: dispassionate destruction of innocent human life in the pursuit of political goals. Terrorism needs to be eradicated, but creating more terror is not the
half a million Iraqi children, turned a blind eye towards the genocide of Kurdish people worldwide, funded and allowed the persecution of Palestinians, overthrown countless democratically elected rulers and replaced them with cruel and murderous dictators, repeatedly trained and financed repressive death-squads (most recently in Columbia), and been totally accepting of the brutal behaviours of it’s allies, selling them arms, soldiers and whatever else they need to carry out their atrocities while demonising and slaughtering their enemies who lie in the way of their political dominance and financial interests, have to stand on? I mean, who else but America could be as hypocritical as to get support from Russia to combat terrorism, by allowing them
Towers have to fight against terrorism anyway when, ultimately, it is their despicable foreign policy that is responsible for the despair and hatred that causes acts such as those witnessed on September 11 in the first place? The level of antiAmerican feeling worldwide prior to that day was so monolithic that this is why I said that an attack on America was strangely expected as a backlash to this continually offensive foreign policy. And while this foreign policy remains, terrorism will continue. We do not need bombs, we need change. America and the UK can stop using the rest of the world as their personal profit-field, to destroy and exploit to its heart’s content. They can give aid not weapons to impoverished nations and they can stop propping up dictators and oppressive regimes around the world. We create the conditions that breed terrorism and it is only through self-criticism and change that we can end them. September 11 should have been a wake-up call to the terrorist state of America, that its homicidal actions have repercussions and that it needs to change its killing ways, but instead of waking up to the alarm, they have stuck it on snooze and carried on as normal, killing more, terrorising more, angering more. But as all of us with nine o’clock lectures know, that snooze button just means prolonging the eventual and inevitable re-ringing of that alarm again. How many more will have to die before we finally wake up? I want an end to terrorism, not just al-Qa’ida terrorism, but all terrorism regardless of who is doing it, and this includes the terrorism of my own governments and I will oppose their bloody and unjust war as long as they keep it up.
Gair Rhydd Monday 22 October 2001
Don’t quit now
Verity Hambrook and Tamzin Robertson argue that the strikes against Afghanistan are regrettable but necessary
O
n September 11 Osama bin Laden, with the aid of his AlQa’eda network committed an act of brutality that transformed all previous expectations of terrorist capability. Seven thousand civilian lives were lost. From one company alone, that of the brokerage firm Cantor Fitzgerald, 1,500 children have been left to exist in one parent families. The Prime Minister remarked “Our world has changed forever, life will never be the same again.” One might ask, why in a world that is frequently exposed to conflict, has this one event in particular, forced the US and its allies to so determinedly utilise their military capabilities? Why? Because it is only by the use of such capabilities that probable further attacks can be prevented. It is no longer merely a question of wanting to gain justice for the lives that were taken on September 11. It is, rather, about taking action against one of the largest terrorist organisations in the world whose progressive sophistication has allowed Osama bin Laden to create a monster that is out of control. Al-Qa’eda and other groups that form part of bin Laden’s global terror network have the resources and support of ‘rogue’ states such as Afghanistan and Iraq to mount ever increasingly ambitious and widespread attacks. Such resources include g e n e r o u s f i n a n c i a l backing, procurement of technical expertise and an endless stream of fanatical volunteers who are fully prepared to sacrifice themselves in the pursuit of bin Laden’s objectives. These three capabilities combined have broadened the potential spectrum of threat. This is a terrifying prospect. Suicide bombers, chemical or biological attacks, assassination, drug trafficking, cyber attacks and possibly in the future some kind of nuclear device are all very imminent realities. One such threat may even have been realised with the discovery of anthrax cases in Florida. Another element of fear is the extent of Al-Qa’eda’s global reach. Individual sleepers and cells of terrorists are already located in numerous countries throughout the world, waiting for instructions and a target to attack. Such attacks are executed in order to inflict maximum casualties indiscriminately, thereby provoking a
An Irish F folk story With the war in Afghanistan continuing, Phil McKeown remembers the problems we face closer to home
“
response. Ultimately their aim is to extend the conflict that currently exists between fundamentalists and the West, to one that is with Islam in its entirety. Such a conflict would split the world in two and must be avoided at all costs, and the first step to preventing this potentially disastrous struggle lies in eliminating bin Laden and his network. The war the US proposes is multi-faceted and involves the deployment of all the instruments of power – diplomatic, economic, military, law enforcement and informational. No one is suggesting that the diplomatic and humanitarian aspects of this campaign aren’t paramount but one must use the benefit of hindsight to look at our mistakes in history. In the 1930’s Britain and France delayed taking action against Hitler and the Nazis and adopted a policy of appeasement. The consequences of this policy were a World War and the deaths of millions of people. This has taught us that threats such as bin Laden must be countered quickly and eradicated before the world is plunged into chaos. Therefore the hard edge must be the military campaign. Other, less visible tools will also have to be used. The war on terror is not a conventional war. This is a new type of warfare to deal with a new type of threat. It is the first war of the 21st Century information age. It is all too ‘fashionable’ in today’s society to promote peace and to launch into anti-war dialogue. In modern day, the implications of war are frightening. Likewise is the threat of nuclear warfare that looms over the world. It is very tempting, to back away from conflict and hide in our society. Society nurtures a perception that the communities in which we live are ‘peaceful and civilised’. Yet, the recent events in the US have shown us so vividly how the struggle is now being brought to our front door and is no longer part of ‘another world’. If the US and the new coalition hesitates or loses this opportunity to eradicate Al-Qa’eda the consequences will be far-reaching and disastrous for humanity. Although one would never want to dehumanise the victims of September 11 and reduce them to mere statistics, this struggle is no longer about past events, it is directed at our futures. We must show moral courage to sustain the war on terror until the current threat has been eliminated. We all want to exist in a peaceful world. Peace is our priority, but in order to be obtained it needs to be fought for.
or my GCSEs and my sixth year courses I attended a total of three weeks work experience at the Belfast office of the Sunday World newspaper. It is the biggest selling weekly newspaper in Ireland – north and south. In my time there I met several journalists and became designated tea boy for the duration of the work experience. One person who I made tea for was a hack called Martin O`Hagan. I remember him as a bit of a sarky git, but one of those people that most people took a liking to, even, as in my case, if it wasn’t immediate. I hadn’t thought about my time in that office for ages. I was too busy drinking and travelling during my year out. Then on Sunday I was reading a copy of the Daily Telegraph that was a few days old in a friends flat. Coming from Belfast, and feeling bit saturated by the US/Afghani shenanigans I turned to find other bits and pieces of coverage that would stir some small notion of interest. I found a part about how the politicians back home seem intent of fucking things up for the next generation as they always have been and started reading. Two weeks ago in a small town called Lurgan, just outside Belfast, Martin O` Hagan was shot dead in front of his wife by loyalist paramilitaries. The shear amount of shock this story sent through my body was, it has to said, immense. My sensory functions were shot to shit. People who talked to me as I read the article just faded into the background. It was at least a day before I was back to anything even approaching normality. This is not the first time that this paper has lost a member of its team. Veronica Guergan was an investigative reporter working out of the papers Dublin office. She dealt mainly with drug dealing stories in the city’s housing estates. As such, her
Focus • 15
We shall not fail or falter; we shall not weaken or tire. Neither the sudden shock of battle nor the long-drawn trials of vigilance and exertion will wear us down Sir Winston Churchill 1874-1965
stories put away some of Ireland's major movers and shakers in the drug world. This meant that she also put away some the islands most influential terrorists. In 1997 Guergan was driving to work in the hectic Dublin rush hour and she came to a stop at a set of traffic lights. A pillion passenger jumped of the back of a motorbike. His blast of automatic gunfire tore through the car and Guergan in turn. The INLA was blamed. The Sunday World is not a newspaper that shies away from controversy. Lifting the lid on drug dealing and terrorism are the bread and butter of its content. Christ knows, it has enough material to deal with. Don’t get me wrong. Belfast is a perfectly safe city. It has one of the lowest crime figures in the UK. Ironically, this is because the groups there guard their turf fiercely and therefore any entrepreneur criminals get ‘sorted out’ if they are stupid enough to get started in the first place. But then again, what does a fish know about water? I grew up with this sort of shit. Everyone knows someone who has been affected. Families are victimised into fleeing from their homes and people who are our age and younger are kneecapped for things such as joyriding. This is in a first world country. This is in Western Europe. This is in Britain. Trying to find a name for people who carry out these sorts of crimes is difficult. I think “Cunts” does the job adequately. When I arrived in Wales to go to Uni usually one of the first questions I was asked was something along the lines of “What’s it really like over there?” and being the cheeky bastard that I am, I would come back with something like “It’s not too bad, but it’s a real pain in the arse if the airdrop for Tescos is late.” It’s the same mechanism that makes you take the piss out of the
deceased at their wake. A defence mechanism. There’s always plenty of opportunity for comedy out of tragedy and atrocity. How many of us have seen the altered pictures of Osama bin Laden on the Internet? The first response is usually a sick joke. It was the same with the death of Princess Di (What’s the difference between Ryan Giggs and Di? – Giggs can take a corner). When Martin O’Hagan was shot, it would have been during my freshers’ week. He was walking out of his door, probably on his way to work. I was probably just getting out my pit, trying to recall the night before, praying to God there was some AlkaSeltzer in the kitchen. O’Hagans wife was probably cradling her husband’s body, praying to God that today wasn’t happening. Whether terrorism is on grand scale of New York City and Washington or on the point blank scale of ‘normality’, the difference in terms of devastation to lives is irrelevant. A Victim is a Victim, a Terrorist is a Terrorist and a Cunt is a Cunt.
MARTIN O’HAGAN: Victim of terrorism
16 • Focus
gairrhydd 2001-2002
Was brought to you by... Editor Sarah Hodson GRiP Editor John Bayley News James Bladon and Lydia Kirby Sport Michael Pearlman and Tristan Thomas Focus Ed Holmes, Becky Pash and Charlotte Spratt Books David Gates Arts LaDonna Hall and Lizzie Brown Music Gemma Curtis and Maria Lane Film Jonathan Steven Games James Morley and Chris Faires Get There Noel Gardner Comment Sian Birch Letters Matthew George Television Charlotte Martyn, Noel Gardner and Nick Harrison Blagging Matt Harvey Photographer Extraordinaires Mychael Parsons and Jenni Blurton Very Helpful Proofreaders Zoe Simmons and Holly Roberts Contributors Rhiannon Davies, Fran Pattison, Carly Aston, Dominic O’Neill, Kathryn Burden, L.K, Abbie Jackson, Aimee Bryant, Mark Cobley, Lori White, Melinda O’Neill, Holly Myers, Andy Parsons, Tristan Chatfield, Laura Giles, Ben Hammond, Gemma Field, Paul Barnett, Maria Thomas, Adam Brooks, David Sanderson, Pat McCaren, Helia Phoenix, Gemma Jones, Hayley Dunlop, Max Jamieson, Louise Costelloe, Laura Sykes, Rich ‘Dave’ Moore, Steve Hurst, Anthony Lloyd, Lee Davies, Sarah Thomas, Fergus Cooper, Dave Pothecary, Sally Hall, Jane Steeples, Claire Malcolm, Kate Shaw, Richard Grygiel, Jonathan Lane, Beth Kenure, David Crowley, Sarah Williams, Sarah Pipe, Emma Osbourne, Alice Barnsdale, Natasha Hettihewa, Angela Singh, Laura Shirley, Miriam Nicholson, Steven Bailey, Greg Lamb, Aditi Bhatia, Stephen Cushion, Dan McKee, Verity Hambrook, Tamzin Robertson, Phil McKeown, Daniel Barnes, Abbi Shaw, Lizzy Green, Nabil Hassan, Chirs Wathan, Laura Welsh, Llinos Phillips, J.L.O’Sullivan, Nick Harrison, David Williams, Heather Lloyd, Chirs Duncan, Fred Scott, Eleanor Cross, Nathaine Conner, Francesca Liebling, Prabhu Ramkumar and Laura Bridges.
Gair Rhydd Monday 22 October 2001
Tories fail to make Blackpool rock
While the media arrow directs itself towards every angle of terrorism, reaction to the Tory party conference in Blackpool last week was barely triggered. As Conservative morals fly after the attacks, Stephen Cushion asks if there is room for Duncan-Smith’s new ‘inclusive’ party intent on regaining public trust
D
omestic politics has taken a sharp slide in the agendas of the media and the electorate since September 11. Sombre and reflective, the British public have been engrossed by the 24hour-news speculation and the nervous notes of mediation that each day America and Afghanistan bring. Newspapers try to reflect these day-today tensions and encapsulate the issues discussed in bars and restaurants across the land. Consequently, insulated from media attention and concealed in the North-East of Blackpool, the Tory conference has swept by – uncovered by the media and unchallenged. In fact, you’d have had to turn to page 34 in the Daily Mail for coverage, and delve deeper inside the broadsheets for news on party politics. This preoccupied and politically restrictive approach to domestic politics can have profound and unpredictable results. Positive and negative forces work for the government of the day – ask Winston Churchill, when in 1945, immediately after successfully defending Britain from Nazi rule, a Labour government replaced him. And conversely, elections have been won from the wars, where propaganda has reinvigorated patriotism and re-united domestic disharmony. In a climate of political cynicism and poor public services, the electorate could and should be perceived with caution. So last week’s Tory conference carries relative political significance, internationally and domestically. As the governments’ opposition it holds the government to account and offers alternatives to government policy. Will the
Contact us Address Gair Rhydd Cardiff University Students’ Union Park Place Cardiff CF10 3QN Telephone Editorial – (029) 20781434/436 Advertising – (029) 20781416 E-mail ssugr1@cf.ac.uk Visitors Find us on the 4th floor of the Students’ Union
DUNCAN-SMITH: Go on, give us a smile
newly formed Conservative party prove robust and politically popular competitors? Or will they stay ostracised in the political darkness and become overtaken by the emerging Liberal Democrats? And how will the cynical hacks of the right-wing press judge the new administration? Firstly, lets examine how the Tory party negotiated Iain Duncan Smith as their new leader. In the last two months, party members voted against the two socially liberal challengers of Michael Portillo and Kenneth Clarke. This left a staunch rightwinger, who was at the root of civil conflict throughout the 1990’s over issues of European integration, and who conspired to cripple the foundations of a shaky Major government. As the MP who ruled out ever entering into the single-euro currency, Smith was seen as the answer to the Tory division over Europe and ironically, the secretly desired victor for Labour. As a party that had been accused of ‘talking to itself’ for the last 10 years, Labour were confident that Smith, a symbolic relic from the Thatcherite past would deter voters more and finally disenfranchise themselves to the point of destruction. Indeed, political space is a difficult position to sustain. Thatcher had it through the 1980’s, until Blair swiped it off Major in the mid-1990’s. Since then, through the ideological path of focus groups and newspaper headlines, Blair has firmly clasped the centre of the political spectrum. Smith now has to replicate Neil Kinnock’s journey: moving from the fringe to the centre of his party. Smith and his team of policy advisors have certainly acknowledged that a shift in direction is needed. In Smith’s opening
remarks of the domestic scene, his speech focused on public services – an issue that seemed superfluous last June at election time – “We should be providing public services that match those of our European neighbours, not those of the third world.” Short of content and even shorter in style, Smith’s only sensible admission was to look outwards to ‘our European neighbours’ and pay heed to their non-ideologically driven public services. At the risk of sounding cynical or even contemptuous, a Conservative leader looking outwards; learning and sharing ideas from the continent: – surely this flies in the face of dogma that drives the Tory ideologies on Europe? Smith then went on to address issues of inclusiveness, appealing to “people with different lifestyles,” by drawing on “the widest pool of talent,” the recurrent motif being how are we going to regain the trust of swing voters and entice the minorities around Britain; understand that Britain is multicultural? The Tories’ problem lies in their ineffective agenda setting. Their new declaration of love for public services was negated immediately by a member of the
The Tories’ problem lies in their ineffective agenda setting. Their new declaration of love for public services was negated immediately by a member of the Question Time audience who responded: “I’m never gonna trust the Tories on public services – they spent 18 years destroying them
Question Time audience who responded “I’m never gonna trust the Tories on public services – they spent 18 years destroying them.” So again, we have to turn to political space and the opportunity this presents. In order for the Tories to occupy a pivotal position on public services they need to expose the five years of Labour’s underinvestment, as well as provide innovative and creative alternatives to both the Labour party and the Liberal Democrats. The Labour Party have found it difficult to enforce private financing to fund new services, as a reluctant electorate toils with the historic ideological baggage that insists on free health and education. The Liberal Democrats get around this by proposing a 1p rise in income tax to subsidise the rejuvenation of the NHS. The Lib-Dems’ increase in votes and rise in mediaprominence operates symbolically with Labour’s horizontal shift to the right. This places the Tory party in a precarious position. The answer it seems lies directly in the small pockets of praise that the right-wing papers led-with after Smith’s speech. The Sun headed with “Let’s shut our door to terror says Smith – a vow to ditch law on rights.” The Daily Mail seized on Smith’s combative language, integrating Britain’s European human rights’ laws and ‘soft’ government policy on terrorism. And the Daily Telegraph highlighted this issue further, featuring the the Ulster Unionist leader, David Trimble and his attack on policy concerning the IRA prominently. The enigma of Europe and the irritation of the IRA could create conflict at the heart of government policy. The Tory line of “in Europe…but not run by Europe” could resonate louder if Britain is prevented from enforcing extradition charges on suspected terrorists. This would directly tap-into the impotent and powerless position, fuelled not only from the New York attacks but the anthrax scares in America. Stricter government proposals would be condemned by Labour’s involvement with Sinn Fein, as contradictions of terrorist appeasement with the IRA could inflame and incite a backlash from the British public and the Irish nationalists. Against the potential backdrop of more terrorism, issues such as the National Missile Defence and the tightening of civil liberties would provide a mantra more attune to the Conservative hymn-sheet than Labour’s libertarian model. As each day passes since September 11, tensions of terror reverberate relentlessly and tales of terrorists seem ever closer and more real. It’s at this point that states become tighter and tenser, embracing more conservative morals that respond to the emotions of the public. The middle-England that Labour so emphatically pursued and persuaded in 1997 and 2001 may need to be re-persuaded, as the ideological equilibrium that defined the Home Secretary’s job may need to be reappraised, leaving precious political space to be pinched by the Tories.
Focus • 17
Gair Rhydd Monday 22 October 2001
Despite being best known for the travel spot of Bali, Helia Phoenix travelled to Indonesia last summer to discover that there’s more to the country than just cheap beer and extra strong red bull...
T
his summer, as I had failed totally and completely to secure myself a job, my Father took pity on me and employed me as a teaching assistant (never let it be said I got anywhere on my own merits). I was to help with the running of a workshop on Maritime Crime, Piracy and the teaching of Maritime English in Indonesia. Being one of the largest collections of islands in the world, much of Indonesia’s trade depends on marine activity, as it is the gateway route between many Oriental countries and India and Africa. Unfortunately, being such a poor country they also suffer one of the highest rates of maritime crime in the world. Run in the Indonesian Ministry of Communications in association with the British Embassy (who fund many projects run in Indonesia), the workshop aims to help the Indonesian maritime community find ways to regulate and police themselves. The Maritime English class (where I worked) raised many interesting issues I had been completely oblivious to. The international language that now must be used on ships is Maritime English, but as the Indonesian education system doesn’t teach English in any form (other than in private schools) Indonesian sailors have to learn English from scratch to a very high standard before being allowed to set foot on a ship. The workshop was attended by lots of important people; I met captains, commanders, colonels, directors of companies, ministers and many more I can’t really remember. The workshop was concluded in a final dinner, in which I ate far too much wonderful Indonesian food, danced the ‘pocho pocho’ (the Indonesian version of the Macarena; lots of stepping and clapping which I chronically got wrong), watched all these very important people who had attended the workshop doing karaoke to songs like ‘My Way’, and ended up doing the hokey-cokey next to the Third Secretary of the British Embassy who had only been positioned in Indonesia a week previously (‘What am I supposed to write in my report to the Ambassador?’ he was heard lamenting to my father). Indonesia is one of the most religiously diverse countries in the world; each of its many islands is inhabited by practising Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, and, more famously, Muslims. Although reputedly the most populous Muslim country in the world, I was told by a local that this is not really true. Most people of any status in the country are
Check In: Indonesia
(or claim to be) Muslim. To get anywhere in the country it helps to conform to this, and so, many people do. Although Indonesia is probably most famous for being the playground of the East, Bali (Australasia’s ‘Ibiza’), I spent all of my time in Jakarta, the capital. Like most large Third World cities it is large, overcrowded, very polluted, and the gap between the rich and the poor is devastatingly shocking. Parts of the city are crammed with shanty towns that have grown under the high motorways that lead out of the city, near the old docks (like a Third World version of Cardiff docks), and then a hundred yards away is the Lotus Flower shopping mall, the largest shopping centre in South East Asia. This houses shops like Calvin Klein and Prada (all at European prices which are hugely expensive as everything is imported) and an Olympic size ice skating rink in its centre. Very bizarre. Jakarta itself doesn’t have much for tourists really, unless you’re overly fond of polluted streets, kamikaze taxi drivers, and people begging and trying to sell you members of their families. One place we did find was Jalan Surabaya, an old antiques market, which consists of hundreds of virtually identical tiny antiques shops lining one side of a very long road. The Jakarta guidebook stated that one could buy all manner of ‘genuine and instant antiques’ there. I didn’t find any instant antiques, but then maybe I wasn’t looking hard enough. One thing that did surprise me slightly about Indonesia is that they drive on the right side of the road (that is, the left side, but the correct one, if you follow my very British logic). Indonesia was colonised by the Dutch for a hundred years, but just before this they were colonised by the British for five years, and so adopted our road rules. Many Indonesians can still speak Dutch, although since declaring independence these individuals now tend just to be those who attend private schools. German missionaries were sent to aid the country around fifty years ago, and as a result there is a whole generation of older Indonesians with very unIndonesian names like ‘Ludwig,’ who were named in honour of the missionaries who helped their parents. To the north of the city lie the Thousand Islands; tiny islands which are mostly wildlife reserves and a few resorts for scuba diving with tropical fish, and other water sports. There are a few islands that you are allowed to stay on overnight, but many are preserved, and so you can take boat trips over, but
aren’t allowed to camp. While there I also took a day trip to the Punca mountains, south of Jakarta which are covered for miles and miles with tea plantations (“tea! like you English like to drink! haw haw haw!” a local woman chuckled at me). After driving up to the top of these mountains and having a picnic, we then went to a safari park; spending half an hour in a traffic jam before we reached the gates to the safari with hundreds of young children walking in
Although Indonesia is probably most famous for the playground of the East, Bali (Australasia’s ‘Ibiza’), I spent all of my time in Jakarta, the capital. Like most large Third World cities it is large, overcrowded, very polluted, and the gap between the rich and the poor is devastatingly shocking
between the traffic trying to sell us pretty much everything; bananas, sweets, dolls, toys, rice cakes. The safari had all kinds of animals; elephants, llamas, deer, tigers, lions, monkeys, and the most beautiful animal I have ever seen – a white tiger. After the safari we had yet more food at a Sudanese restaurant (I once again ate far too much), and then I was persuaded to sit in a wooden cage and cuddle a baby tiger so our host Penni could take a picture to show my father. Wicked, I thought when I saw the baby tiger in question – like a huge, clumsy cat it kept on falling over and gnawing on people’s legs and batting people with its huge paws. Thoughts of being taken back to England in a body bag were racing through my mind when I sat down next to it and started stroking it behind its ears, after which it started purring (a very scary noise) and sat quietly. I thanked God the tiger hadn’t decided to have me for lunch, and smiled for the camera. After the safari we went to visit the Presidential Palace in Bogor, a small city twenty minutes from Jakarta. The palace is set in the most beautiful grounds; the building itself is surrounded by a huge moat, and there’s only one bridge across it for security. The land on the other side of the moat had herds of wild deer running around, and some trees which were hundreds of years old, and looked like props from the NeverEnding Story; huge, with massive, twisted roots. When the president commissioned the building of the palace, he also requested a huge forest be built around the grounds, and this forest houses certain types of plan now extinct across the rest of Indonesia. The palace is very rarely used by the president anymore, but remains a great tourist attraction for the area. Soon it was time to pack our things and hop the plane to back Singapore. The workshop was a wonderful experience, despite being quite hard work. Travelling and living in other cultures for any period of time gives you such an insight into other ways of living, how people differ in so many ways to you, but at the same time, how we are all equal, how we are all just human. I was treated with such courtesy, respect and friendliness in Jakarta, I was ashamed to think of the way many British people behave towards foreign visitors, and the more I travel the more this troubles me. The visit to Indonesia opened my eyes to many different things; I had an amazing time, and cannot wait for my return visit next summer!
Focus • 18
Gair Rhydd Monday 22 October 2001
Is this the end New heads on the block of the queue?
The truth is, in this country, we are never at the end of the queue, and Daniel Barnes is sick of it.
I
f there is one thing that we British are well practiced at it is queuing; indeed, statistics show that we spend eleven days per year waiting in queues. One of the reasons nobody has even attempted to remedy the everworsening waiting epidemic that sweeps across the country like the wings of the North wind itself is that there are a core of sad, twisted masochists who actually enjoy waiting in line.There are, believe or not, people in this world who will form an orderly queue outside the auditorium in a theatre, even though they all have reserved seating tickets. In recent weeks it has occurred to me that the Welsh postal service are an integral component of the conspiracy to irritate and infuriate ordinary, busy, postmodern people with their futile waiting games. At the time of writing, it was ten days
ago that important letters were posted to me first-class, and I am still waiting. It seems that the Welsh postal service are training us for all the waiting around we have to do in shops, cafes, enrolment, train stations, bus stops, and all the other hives to which we flock like queuing bees. The notion that nothing works in the UK outside of London has been made once again abundantly clear by the fact that an agency in the Capital has begun to hire out professional queuers. Yes, you did read that revolutionary absurdity correctly. You can now pay a professional queuer £20 an hour to dawdle and delay with the rest of the great British public for you. The question that here arises is what qualifications does one need to be a professional queuer? Time and patience are a must, and also that sick, twisted desire to waste
Networking This week, Lizzy Green fought off the hoards of German Manics fans to philosophise with Patrick Jones. Why did you decide to release Fuse? Well, I’ve never had a proper publisher and Parthian Books offered to publish it after I wrote Unprotected Sex. What else have you been up to recently? I’m working on the film script to Everything Must Go, my first play. I’m also developing a drama for S4C concerning fathers separated from their children. Then I’m writing a new play called Skin Tied, which is about refugees. PATRICK: claims to not be a “God Do you consider there to be a big difference between your plays and poems? Yeah, I do. I love words and I’m a poet at heart. My plays are messed up with poetry, but there’s no plays in my poetry, if you see what I mean. What’s your favourite word? Nick’s better at one word answers, but probably ‘tourniquet.’ What’s your reaction to the criticism of you having obtained lottery funding for the film? I had no idea I had been criticised already. I’m excited about the film and the funding is a great way to kick start everything. I don’t see a problem with it. Do people think the Manics
your precious time doing for somebody else that are you in turn going to pay somebody to do for you; after all, why would a professional queuer queue in his spare time? I think I speak for at least the portion of the nation who have some or more better things to do than pointlessly wait for things like the Welsh postal service, or queue up for hours for drinks in a trashy pub that you don’t even want to be in when I say that we do not enjoy queuing and don’t want to do it any more. So professional queuers can only be a good thing.You’d think with all the unemployment in the world, and the catatonic rise of the multinational corporation, companies would be able to employ enough people to do enough work so we never ever have to queue again. But if London can’t be that organised yet, there’s little or no hope for Cardiff.
Filtering the Lunches, No. 2
T
his week, the Gair Rhydd fashion dictators say it will be most executive and career-enhancing to have lunch with Ewan McGregor, Nicole Kidman, Jamie Hewlitt, Ulrika Jonsson (out of charity), Prince William and Ronan Keating (still in vogue, you know). However, Prince Andrew, Courtney Love, Gary Lucy, David Blunkett and Leslie Sharp are all absolute nono’s to have lunch with – social suicide.
POPSCENE: After the roaring success of Popstars, ITV’s latest offering is just as good a chance as any to see young wannabes torn to shreds. Abbi Shaw indulges in a little postmodern voyuerism.
A
nyone who’s been paying any attention to the television this past fortnight is likely to have caught at least some of ITV’s latest schedule-encompassing piece, Pop Idols. For those of you who haven’t, the idea is that people turn up to a series of auditions around the country to sing a chorus at four judges, including Pete Waterman and, for no apparent reason, Doctor Fox of Pepsi chart fame.The best – or, if you want to be cynical about it which, let’s face it, we all do, the most marketable – of these keen young things will have the full forces of record and PR companies launched at them. Before we know it, we’ll drink the blushing winner from Pepsi and eat them heated up on toast whilst all the time being encouraged to buy their single because we saw them sing on television once – proof of their talent, don’t you know. But before the Idol is chosen, these poor, poor judges will have sat through over 6,000 hopefuls, all begging for their chance at stardom because ‘it’s all they’ve
ever wanted’ or ‘they’ve been dreaming of this moment all their lives’. Like it or not, this attitude makes for great television as they are crushed sadistically by Waterman who says helpful things like “Yours is the worst voice I’ve ever heard”, and “You have no talent. At all”. We could feel sorry for these people. However, how can we believe that men who look like they’ve come straight from the kebab shop, rendering Angels into a handy imitation of a cat in a cement mixer seriously expect to be chosen as the new Ronan or Robbie? Really, what are they thinking? Thus Pop Idols is wildly entertaining, as we see person after person run out crying. I’m sure this is ethically wrong, as the programme eventually amounts to little more than an hour of emotional pornography. However, if it gives us a new Hear’Say-esque girl or boy wonder to warble endlessly at us, let’s gratefully accept it. Because if anything is certain in this tortured world, it is that we need more pop.
POP IDOLS: Darius and some fat bloke
The Forgotten Games of Gentlemen Number One: Mornington Crescent
E
njoyed greatly by the patrons of London’s gentlemen’s clubs and kept alive recently through the efforts of Mr H Lyttelton, B Cryer, G person” Garden, W Rushton and T BrookTaylor in their popular Radio 4 show, should fund it or something? Do you feel you make as much of an I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue, the “great impact as you’d like to? Well, I always wish I could reach more people, but I’m making an attempt. It’s hard to get books published in Wales anyway…
by Graham Towersey
game” as Mornington Crescent is often referred to, is a stimulating and challenging affair. Play consists of two or more players proceeding around the London Tube Map, naming stations, until one is in the position where he can “bag” Mornington Crescent itself.
To the untrained eye this may seem easy but as play develops it can be seen that the game can become an art. The styles and forms are so numerous that trying to mention any here would be folly , so I shall leave you in the spirit of intrigue.
Births, Deaths, Marriages, Appointments, Mergers and Acquisitions, and Celebrity News
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I’ve had quite a complicated life; but I have the idea that our scars and wounds make us what we are; they make us stronger. So, no, I wouldn’t change anything. And finally, what would you say to 15,000 students? “Education for education’s sake and not for getting a job.”
C
hristies, London, are all set to auction a cacophony of Moulin Rouge merchandise at the end of this month. The lot includes pieces of the set, costumes and props. Gwyneth Paltrow and Matthew Perry were seen in West Hollywood whilst engaged in a ‘friendly’ embrace. (This is only scandalous as West Hollywood is the LA equivalent to Cardiff’s behind Marks & Spencer’s).
Those crazy camp eighties icons Soft Cell play their first reunion gig at Brixton Academy on the 31 October – get your tickets soon if you want to see Marc Almond and Dave Ball decomposing on their feet. The capitalist conspiracy of pop has decreed that the kids will now have to pay £!4.99 to access special interviews and news on the Westlife website, which is, of course, well worth every damn penny.
Concorde is set to fly again, from London to New York, on November 7. Rumours have been circulating celebrity world concerning the apparent gayness of Robbie Williams, again… Why doesn’t he be gay for a week, just like Chris Evans. The colour of the week is: RED This week will be hectic becoming squally, cyclonic by Friday.
Gair Rhydd Monday 22nd October 2001
Focus • 19
Society Scene News from the Society Circuit
Sounding good Laura Bridger takes a look at the success of XpressRadio and how it got to where it is today
Y
ou must all by now, be aware of Xpress Radio, YOUR student radio station. With our eight nominations in the Radio One National Student Radio Awards and our successful broadcasts across Cardiff and throughout the Union building, it would be hard not to. But with all these great achievements it is difficult to think of a time where things were different, where it all started all those years ago...... Xpress began as a student radio society with a dedicated team of students who worked hard to
achieving the goal of an FM RSL (Restricted Service Licence), allowing them to broadcast to the local area for 28 days. This was achieved in 1996 and Xpress FM, as it was then called, was born, broadcasting from a tiny studio in the Students’ Union. Successful broadcasts followed and in 1998 the hard work of the society was rewarded with an expansion of the studio facilities, which are now in use today forming a multi-studio broadcasting complex with industry standard equipment. This expansion was a very wise investment and the
XPRESS: nice ear muffs station has become even more successful. After a name change to Xpress Radio in 1999, the station has continued to go onwards and upwards, broadcasting twice a year around Cardiff on 106.8 fm as well as 365 days a year through the internet at www.xpressradio.co.uk and throughout the Union building. Xpress Radio was also the first student radio station in the UK to develop a WAP site, allowing people to access our information through their phones, putting YOUR student radio station at the forefront of student media development. With things being so good it would be easy to get complacent, but here at Xpress Radio there are many plans for the future including a more interactive website, automated playout system,
further roadshows and launch parties and broadcasting to the University cyber cafes. We are also looking forward to the 3rd of November which is the start of our next broadcast, which gives you a chance to hear us at our best on 106.8 fm. It also gives you the chance to get involved. Come up and see us at any time and we are always looking for new ideas. Look out for more information on our launch in the next two weeks and prepare yourself for the sound of Xpress Radio.
CONTACT DETAILS Xpress Radio are located on the Fourth Floor of the union. www.xpressradio.co.uk
Culture Shock
In what seems to be a night of organised intoxication, Sarah Jhummun and Alex Seiler tell us about “Cultures of Cardiff”, and how much fun it is
W
hat some may have expected to be a quiet night in Seren Las organised by ‘Cultures of Cardiff’ turned out to be an unforgettable experience on
Tuesday 9th October. It provided a refreshing change from the usual cheese or pretentious dance subculture that is ever so present within the Union. The aim of the night was to promote the diversity of global cultures which make up the Union and was attended by students from all over the globe. The night had an undeniable carnival feel, with cultural costumes and dancing ever present. The eclectic mix of cultures resulting in a unique diversity of music from around the world, ranging from bhangra to hip hop to Latin beats, showing that there was something for everyone on the night. The acts present on the night made all the difference, adding a spin to what is stereotypically expected on a cultural evening. The acts included a Hawaiian dancer, break dancers, a didgeridoo, jive dancers and African dancers. The interactive nature of these varying acts proved appealing to the crowd, leading one or two to even try and strut their stuff! The DJ’s versatility and acceptability to play alternative styles of music created an original sound and added to the impact
of the whole night. Not a single person in the crowd was dissatisfied, this was reflected by a packed dance floor at 1 o’clock in the morning. The atmosphere was casual, laid back and easy going, and meant everyone could express themselves in an open environment. The mixed crowd with many ethnicity’s, colours, races and religions represented had to have been one of the biggest strengths of the night. This event has created so much excitement that it could prove to be a regular night at the Union, so if you missed your chance this time round, this event may be returning so watch this space!
ABORIGINE: wants his didgeridoo
Cardiff University Careers Service and Cardiff Law School are proud to present
Cardiff Law Fair On the 31 October 2001 from 1.00 p.m. until 4.00 p.m. at the City Hall, Cardiff An opportunity for students and graduates from all disciplines ... Meet professionals in law, from a whole host of firms from across Wales, the UK and world-wide. Find out all you need to know about a career within the legal field. Receive advice from practitioners, their colleagues and recent graduates about working and training in law. A chance for non-law graduates to discover the opportunities available to them, plus lots more. Log on to www.cardiff.ac.uk/caas or call into the Careers Service at 5 Corbett Road, Cardiff for further details and a full list of this year’s exhibitors.
Do you know what ‘SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER’ is? A study for Social Anxiety Disorder is being carried out by Synexus Ltd, one of the largest commercial clinical research groups in the country. This common condition means that you have a fear of certain social situations causing embarrassment or humiliation leading to anxiety, distress and avoidance of similar situations. Some examples are
-
eating and drinking in public meeting new people being watched doing something giving or going to a party speaking in public
If this type of situation causes you to feel tense, sweaty, sickly or have palpitations, then you may have ‘social anxiety disorder’ and if you are 18 years of age or over, then you may be eligible to assist in our clinical research study. If any of the above describes you or if you would like to find out a little more then please contact Karen or Sue on (029) 20 682067, e-mail cardiff@synexus.co.uk or complete the tear off slip below and return it in an envelope. A stamp is not required.
✃
✃
❐ Please contact me regarding your Social Anxiety Disorder study, I would like to find out more. Name
...............................................................................................................
Address . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ........................................................................................................................
Daytime telephone number
..................................................................................
Please send completed slip in an envelope to: Synexus Ltd, FREEPOST SWC3305, Cardiff Clinical Research Centre, Cardiff Medicentre, CARDIFF, CF14 4GZ (A stamp is not required)
Do You Have Difficulty Socialising? Most of us suffer from social anxiety, but for one in ten people, it can become a crippling disorder. It strikes during adolescence when so many pressures assail the developing teenager. Friendships, appearance and achievement are all of prime importance and feeling different causes significant distress. The main fear is that other people are watching or judging you in some way, that even your friends think you are silly or embarrassing. No amount of reassurance will help. Sufferers do go their family doctor but emphasise minor physical symptoms rather than their true fears. Also, doctors may not recognise the serious nature of the disorder when they see it but put the symptoms down to teenage shyness. The symptoms are those of anxiety - a racing heart, upset stomach, difficulty with breathing - but the visible signs such as blushing, sweating and trembling cause most distress. Social anxiety can cause serious problems. Untreated, the illness persists indefinitely and affects all realms of life. Sufferers are less likely to find a partner, to have close friends, to pass exams, to get a good job or become financially independent. They may try to cope with the symptoms by using alcohol or drugs or they may avoid so many situations that they become depressed or agoraphobic as well. Yet early intervention can prevent all this and good treatment is available. Both antidepressants that are nonaddictive and cognitive behavioural therapy, a psychological treatment, are effective and can transform the lives of many people.
Sport ● 21
gairrhydd, Monday 22 October 2001
Calzaghe beats Kid Fire McIntyre BOXING
J.L O’Sullivan Newbridge born Joe Calzaghe’s first overseas bout in more than a decade, ended in a comprehensive fourth round victory over Lousiana’s Will ‘Kid Fire’ McIntyre. A crowd in excess of twenty thousand at the Parken Stadium, Copenhagen turned out last Saturday night to watch the Welshman take another assured step towards true international recognition on the Mike Tyson undercard. This was Calzaghe’s 32nd consecutive victory as a professional, and the ninth successful defence of his World Boxing Organisation super-middleweight crown. Although the opposition was not of the highest standard, Calzaghe could have done little more as the American was comprehensively outboxed, unable to provide an answer to the southpaw’s quick hands. The American had nothing to offer during the first round as Calzaghe tore into him. Throughout the second the champion demonstrated a more controlled and considered approach but it was during a ferocious third round that the damage was done. One left uppercut would have easily floored the
challenger if he hadn’t found the ropes first. To his credit, Calzaghe revealed a compassionate streak by inviting the referee, Rudy Battle, to step in and end the fight at this point but McIntyre took a standing count and fought on. His emergence from the corner for the start of the fourth round may have surprised many but the end was near for the bruised and battered American. A glancing blow from Calzaghe’s left glove brought the one-sided contest to a conclusion. So what now for the Welshman? From the moment he entered the ring sporting a New York Yankee’s cap his intention was clear. He wishes to seek fortune and glory in the home of big time boxing, the United States. The twenty-sixth of
January has been touted as the date of Calzaghe’s next stateside fight, possibly against the former Olympic gold medallist, David Reid. Unfortunately for Calzaghe, he was subjected to very little American press scrutiny, so important to him if he is to realise his goal. The ebbing appeal of ‘Iron’ Mike Tyson and the natural chauvinism of the American boxing media combined to deny Calzaghe the exposure his performance so richly deserved. He will now have to reproduce the kind of devastating form he showed in victory on Saturday night, but on American soil. If he can, then only pay per view politics can prevent Calzaghe earning his chance to meet the great American champions Roy Jones and Bernard Hopkins.
Superb Woosie turns back time GOLF Nick Harrison IN A year of momentous troughs, Ian Woosnam is on the crest of a wave. Having secured an unlikely third World Matchplay crown at Wentworth last Sunday, the stocky Welshman can put behind him some of the disappointments that have darkened his skies this season. The autumnal bleakness that accompanied Woosnam’s 2&1 victory over gritty Dubliner Padraig Harrington was a world away from the sultry July afternoon in Lancashire that witnessed his subjection to the cruel vagaries of fate. Having just nabbed the lead in the final round of the Open at Lytham, Woosnam was told that his caddy was carrying one club too many and was given a two-shot penalty. Not being able to withstand
the fiercest of low punches, Woosnam wilted away to finish down the field. Not only did he miss out on his second major championship, but the loss of prize money cost him a place in the Ryder Cup team. The culpable caddy Miles Byrne has since been told that his services are no longer required on the Woosnam bag. Having been shown remarkable clemency from his master following the Open fiasco, Byrne decided that he would rather stay in bed than do his job at the final round of the Scandinavian Masters. He can count himself fortunate that he only got the sack: Woosnam does not suffer fools gladly. Thus it was that Woosnam’s rollercoaster season continued at Wentworth last Thursday. Woosnam may have been firmly placed in the David category against the Goliaths that are Retief Goosen and Colin Montgomerie in the
opening two rounds but his resolve remained firm to secure deserving triumphs. Woosnam crushed young English hope Lee Westwood in the semi-final with a performance that made the spectators misty-eyed with nostalgia. His iron play was of a rare vintage, and he displayed a new-found confidence on the green with his broomhandled putter. Amid an extraordinary flurry of birdies, Woosnam saw off Harrington in a memorable final. In the morning the two men shared 21 birdies, Woosnam going out in 29. Although Harrington was ahead at the halfway stage, Woosnam showed his customary grit to grab the title. This was a thoroughly deserved moment of glory for man who has refused to be floored by the misfortunes that have been dealt to him.
Welsh succumb to Irish might RUGBY UNION David Williams
MORGAN: Best Welsh player on the pitch
GRAHAM HENRY has stated that he has no intention of leaving the Welsh manager’s job following a record 36-6 defeat to Ireland at the Millennium Stadium. Three tries in the last ten minutes sealed an emphatic win for the Irish, whose unbeaten record at Cardiff now stretches to nine matches and dates back to 1985. After the match Graham Henry offered no excuses. “It was very disappointing – embarrassing in actual fact. We should have played better – it’s as simple as that.” “They are far better players than they showed on Saturday and they will want to prove that to the Welsh public.” “Good players had bad games.” In the cold light of day Wales were the worst of two bad sides. But where as Wales could boast no redeeming features, Ireland showed signs of reviving their pre-foot & mouth form. In particular the back-row trio of Miller, Wallace and Foley dominated and ran, tackled and carried the ball all afternoon to ensure a third Irish win in this year’s Six Nations tournament. “We have a good record here but it is never an easy place to play as the crowd really get behind the Welsh,” stated Wallace. Ireland looked rampant from the off when Wales conceded the first of ten penalties which resulted in 19 points for outside-half
David Humphreys. Man of the match Humphreys added four more before half time as Ireland exploited Wales’ frailties in defence to the full, continuously breaking the gain line. Humphreys, though, was in a contemplative mood despite his impressive display. “We believed one bad game in Scotland didn’t make us a bad team and the win over Wales doesn’t make us a very good team.” By the break Wales had only managed to rack up three points thanks to a solitary Stephen Jones penalty, whilst the Irish were denied two try attempts by the video referee and a dubious decision against a Humphreys drop goal left the scores at 15-3. The story of the second half was much the same as the first, although Wales managed to reduce the deficit to nine with another Jones penalty. Irish pressure finally paid off, when, with eight minutes left, left wing Denis Hickie ran unopposed to score under the posts. And any thoughts Wales had of clawing their way back were dealt a further blow when Lions hero Brian O’Driscoll picked up a loose kick to slide over. With Wales in complete disarray and supporters leaving by their thousands, Shane Horgan crossed for Ireland’s third try of the day which completed a hammering for Wales but delight for Ireland coach Warren Gatland. “Even though we took a long time to secure
the victory I felt good throughout the game.” Following the boos at the final whistle Welsh scrum-half Rob Howley was quick to defend defensive coach Clive Griffiths. “On the day our one-on-one tackles just let us down and that’s not his fault. The defeat is down to the players and nobody else.” Graham Henry, however, will be hoping for a big improvement in the upcoming November friendlies.
LEIGH DAVIES: Unhappy return
22
●
IMG Sport
gairrhydd, Monday 22 October 2001
WEDNESDAY 17 OCTOBER FOOTBALL GROUP A Nomads
14-2 Hindu
Momed AFC
5-1 R.Park Rangers
Small 2, Smith 6, o.g 2 Hodges 2, Ennis 2, Pitcher 4, Mculloch
n/a
Ferguson
Carbs A
8-0 Chemistry
Carbs B
3-2
Shute 3, Evans 2, Diaz 1, Moreno 1, Thorne 1 n/a
n/a
Mathletico Madrid 1-3 Archeology n/a
Fire Engin
2-0 History
Accountancy
2-0 Big Cheese
Real Economics
3-3 Wok United
Abbas, McClaren Jones, Rob Gibson 3
n/a
FOOTBALL GROUP C Gym Gym
5-1 Engin Spares
Irish
5-1 Pharmacy
Law A
1-2 Chemistry
Spartak Sawsa
3-1 Plan City
n/a
Workman 2, Thomas, Griffin, Durkan n/a
n/a
Maddocks
n/a
Young 2, Dave
n/a
FOOTBALL GROUP D English
3-1 Hackers
Economics
3-0 Torpedo Dynamo
Planathinaikos
1-2 Jomec
Law B
3-1 Psycho Athletic
Carroll, Shanahon 2
Trench, Couling, Guidi (pen) Moorie
Joel, Jim, Russell
n/a
Lawton, Beattie
n/a
IMG
2001 2002
FIXTURES 24.10.2OO1 FOOTBALL GROUP A
Momed AFC Carbs B R.Park Rangers Carbs A
VS. VS. VS. VS.
Nomads Chemsoc Hindu Hellanic
FOOTBALL GROUP B Fire Engin Accountancy History Wok United
VS. VS. VS. VS.
M. Madrid Archaelogy Real Economics Big Cheese
FOOTBALL GROUP C Irish Chemistry Law A Plan City
VS. VS. VS. VS.
Spartak Sawsa Engin Spares Gym Gym Pharmacy
FOOTBALL GROUP D Jomec Hackers Planathinaikos English
VS. VS. VS. VS.
IMG FOOTBALL Chris Wathan
Hellenic
FOOTBALL GROUP B Cox
Winning start for Engin, Economics and Momed
Law B Torpedo Dynamo Economics Psycho Athletic
THE FIRST fixtures for both Engin and History in the IMG league this year took place last week, and on paper the toughest in the first phase as both teams were seeded for the draw. This was reflected in a very close and hard-fought game that saw Engin start off playing some attractive football with Dan McClaren and Zaid Abbas linking well down the righthand side. However, when the match settled it was clear that this wasn’t going to be the prettiest of games as both teams realised the importance of the result. Credit for the first half has to go the Engin defence who were solid throughout and limited History’s chances and also to Simon Lester who made some brilliant saves to keep Engin in the game. So with the second half starting at 0-0 it seemed that one goal could win the points. The second half saw the Engin midfield get a better grasp on the game with Colin Emmett winning some crucial challenges in the middle. Luke Oliver provided some good skill on the left. With the increased possession Engin started to get a lot more chances against a tiring History side, thanks to the endless running of Zaid and forceful forward play. It was again thanks to a great run from Zaid, who was found by a penetrating pass from the midfield, that Engin scored their first goal after he calmly slid the ball past the keeper.
History then piled on the pressure for the last 15 minutes but again the Engin defence, especially Paul Welsh and Chris Fuller in the centre, held firm throughout. The second goal came in the closing minutes as Dan McClaren did some great tackling back leaving him to round the keeper and finish in style. Not the best of performances from a new-look Engin side but they dug in well and got the result. The IMG season kicked off with perennial underachievers Economics taking on newboys Torpedo Dynamo Locomotive. Econ, in their familiar black-and-white strip, dominated the first half with Guidi, Galloway, August and Sansom all going close. The Torpedo central defensive pairing played well ensuring that it remained scoreless at the interval. Torpedo got back into the game after the break but Burton and IMG debutante Duncan Davies were outstanding in the Econ defence. The goals finally arrived as Econ skipper and IMG veteran Mike Trench hit a low drive to break the deadlock. John Cowling added the second with a close range effort from a corner, a memorable first IMG goal for the centre-half. The scoring was completed with an Econ penalty coolly taken by the hard-working Guidi. A good passing game from both sides ensured an entertaining match and a good welcome to IMG for the
NETBALL Laura Welsh and Llinos Phillips THE OPENING day of the IMG netball season kicked off last weekend with five new teams, Chemy, Stars, Malaysian, Comsoc and Planning, raring to join the competitive set up. Chemy and Stars were first up on court with both sides understandably nervous for this debut encounter. Whilst Stars acquitted themselves admirably, they were easily beaten by Chemy who played well and ended the Stars challenge swiftly. Next on the pitch were last years basement teams Phist and English who both showed they have improved dramatically, both technically and physically. It was a closely fought match that was too close to call at half time, but English went on to win 10 points to 9. Economics were indebted to the powerful play of Emma Grant who destroyed the rookies Law B and will be looking to build a strong championship challenge this year. Another new team, Planning, took to the court to face a Psychology B team who were looking to capitalise on their success of last year. It was a brilliant start to the season for the B team who played well and scored ten points with Psychology struggling to reply.
Torpedo boys. FOUR GOALS in the second half by supersub Jack Pitcher ensured a winning start for Momed over IMG newcomers Roath Park Rangers. Recently acquired Pitcher looked a class above as his virtuoso display turned a tough stalemate into a walk in the park for the Momed boys, the match ending in a resounding 5-1 win. To their credit, Rangers only let the game get away with them in the final fifteen minutes and can certainly walk away from this game with their heads held high. They battled hard during the first half, reducing Momed to only a few clear-cut chances and causing the Blue & Blacks defence a few problems themselves with a mixture of
Next on the court were two quality teams – Psychology A and Carbs A. Each team was looking to impress and both teams showed technical prowess though Carbs triumphed 11-7. Pharmacy has combined both A and B sides this season and performed well to edge UWC B 15-11. Last on the pitch were two more new teams Malaysian and Comsoc. Despite the weather both teams battled on and Comsoc went on to win by 10-4. Meanwhile title contenders Law met last year’s winners UWC A in a closely fought game. Law A gave a good first half performance against UWC A but strong attacking from UWC A meant that at half time the score stood at 6-5 to UWC A. Law A played very well defensively and contained UWC to restrict the scoring up to half time. A few changes were made during the interval with Llinos Phillips replacing Lucy Mills at Centre and Kath replacing Kelly at Wing defence. Law A worked well together and thanks to accurate shooting by Emma Bishop, they pulled back a few goals. The second half was fast and furious with both sides giving 100 per cent. Great defending by Camilla Johnson and Sara Cox meant that UWC A were denied goals in the final minutes with the game ending in a draw, 8-8.
pace and genuine strength. It was Rangers who took the lead after Momed failed to properly clear a corner and John Ferguson drilled the ball home from the resulting scramble. But, if anything, this simply raised Momed’s game that extra notch and within minutes Pitcher had raced clear to claim his first of the afternoon. Momed, desperate to prove that last season’s run was no flash in the pan, punished Ranger’s tiring legs, a feat that they were unable to do last year and that ultimately proved costly when Premiership qualification relied on goal difference. George McCullough finished off proceedings with a well taken cross shot but not before Roath Park had tested Momed keeper Jon Swell with a series of desperate attempts.
A fair result and with the quality on show these two sides wont be too far off the top of the IMG table by the end of the year.
BRECON CARREG:New IMG sponsors
Gair Rhydd Sport would like to apologise for the complete lack of Rugby in this weeks IMG section. This is due to circumstances beyond our control. Hopefully full service will be resumed in next weeks paper. IMG tables will appear in two or three weeks time.
Sport ● 23
gairrhydd, Monday 22 October 2001
Mixed success for Cardiff on the courts BADMINTON
TENNIS
Heather Lloyd
Chris Duncan
CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S Badminton teams started the year with mixed fortunes. CU ladies won 5-4 against Southampton giving new captain Heather Lloyd a great start with all concerned playing exceptionally well, especially Jenny Brown and Natalie Beard. However, the men struggled to come to terms Southampton, losing badly 6-2. Their second team faired better trouncing Cheltenham and Gloucester 9-0, with all six members of the squad contributing to an outstanding start to the campaign. Over all a solid start with plenty to build upon in the coming months.
THE MEN’S tennis first team got off to a flying start by narrowly defeating Nottingham in a hard fought away contest. Saq Rana and Ziad Mantoura showed signs of fatigue following the four hour journey, but showed plenty of teamwork and character to defeat Nottingham’s top doubles pair 9-8. The game was a massive boost for the team ensuring the match was tied 11 overall going into the singles. Despite a great debut performance, Mark Wilkinson was defeated in the opening rubber. However, in a typically battling style team captain Simon Ng classily swept past their number two 6-3, 6-2. Cardiff regained their lead when Saq,
playing near perfect technical and tactical tennis, crushed Nottingham’s best player 6-1, 6-0. The scene was set for a nervejangling final rubber, where Ziad required only a set to ensure victory for the team. Mantoura, carrying a painful knee injury, characteristically refused to be beaten, emerging a 7-5 winner in a tense second set tie-break, to level the score. The team now sit on top of the BUSA Premiership, a league made up almost entirely of universities with tennis academies and scholarship schemes. Having been promoted last year on the back of a quarter-final place in the national universities cup, the team has shown early evidence of it’s ability to compete at the highest level. With a string of promising new players packing the men’s second team and vying for the first, this season could yet prove to be even more historic than the last.
UWC easily beat Newport RUGBY UNION Fred Scott FROM CARDIFF’s point of view, this match reflected the setting in which the game was played: a damp, dreary affair that could not have ended quick enough. With the new look 1st XV playing at half-pace, Cardiff trundled towards victory, even allowing Newport to rack up 20 soft points in the final ten minutes. The game simply didn’t reflect the pre-match hype conjured up by Newport who clearly view this as their varsity. Cardiff however, simply do not share the same enthusiasm. Nevertheless a win is on the board, and a hugely improved performance is guaranteed next Wednesday at Llanrumney. The firsts entertain Portsmouth who will probably feel the wrath of the men’s firsts as they try to make up for this disappointing performance.
RFU 1: Easy win against Newport
Jones shines in great start LADIES FOOTBALL Eleanor Crooks THE NEW season got off to the best possible start for Cardiff with a hard fought victory over Aberystwyth. With four players making their debuts, it inevitably took the team a while to gel, and their Welsh neighbours went ahead after 15 minutes. Stacey Harris saved the initial shot, but Cardiff couldn’t clear, and the ball was scrambled home. This proved the catalyst for a concerted period of Cardiff pressure, and they went close a number of times before finally equalising in the 35th minute. A push on Annette Falck gave Welsh international Emma Jones the chance to rifle a 20-yard free kick into the top of the net. This superb effort epitomised the class of Jones, a player who truly stood out amongst the other players on show. Cardiff kept pressing forward, and debutante Jess
Baker got the second goal a minute from half time after a searching cross-field pass by Jones. Cardiff were deservedly ahead at the break, as their sharp passing caused Aberystwyth problems. The pattern continued in the second half. Sarah Hamilton tormented the away defence, and was unlucky not to score on a number of occasions. It wasn’t until 10 minutes from full-time that Cardiff extended their lead when Falck saw her looping shot from a narrow angle nestle in the bottom corner. Aberystwyth had looked dangerous on the break all match and they set up a nailbiting finish with a scrappy goal. However, Jones made the game safe with two minutes to go when her 30-yard effort flew into the top corner, with the aid of a slight deflection. The 4-2 score line didn’t flatter Cardiff, and the team’s performance bodes well for the rest of the season.
Brilliant start to netballing campaign BUSA NETBALL Nathaine Conner, Rosaline Sack and Francesca Liebling UWC Netball managed to come away from their first BUSA matches of the year with three wins and a narrow loss. The 1st and 4th teams travelled away to Bath with promising performances against able opposition. In the 4th team’s inaugural match, they achieved a convincing win of 33-15 with a confident Cardiff team dominating the game from start to finish, with strong defence, flowing centre court and sublime attacking play. Jo Lewis at GA deserves special mention for her debut performance and was voted man of the match. In the 1st teams opening BUSA fixture the team battled hard despite the match being governed by dubious, unqualified officials.
The side drew level by 3/4 time setting up a tense last quarter. Although Cardiff played exceptionally well, any potential victory was jeopardised by poor refereeing decisions and Bath scored in the last minute to win 46-45. Fresher Kim Millet deservedly won man of the match. There was a shaky start for Cardiff 2nds, as they played neighbouring Swansea but they rallied to register a 43-26 win in their first BUSA game of the season. Swansea had taken the game to within two goals before Cardiff won at home last season and a similarly tough encounter was expected this year. Early season nerves coupled with an organisational mix up with BUSA meant Cardiff didn’t settle immediately. The opening quarter was tight and Cardiff were always trailing by a couple of goals. However, aided by some confident shooting from Rhian
Lovell, backed up by effective Goal-attack from Maxine Dolloway, Cardiff were in a more comfortable lead of five goals at half-time. Once Cardiff found their rhythm, they edged forward opening the gap wider and leaving Swansea to play catch-up to an ever-increasing lead. Despite various changes in the team, the players on court gelled well together and made light work of the Swansea opposition. Special mention must go to Kathryn Green for some excellent defensive tips in the circle and captain Michelle Flaharty who worked hard throughout, both on and off court. The thirds meanwhile crushed Glamorgan 41-8, emphasising the strength and depth throughout the 48 man squad. A promising start to a potentially very successful season, for the entire netball squad, who will be looking to build upon this excellent early season form.
NETBALL: Three sides off to winning start
Sport
BUSA: The return of the BUSA programme
Gair Rhydd
PLUS: IMG results and reports Free Word 702
Monday 22 October 2001
BUSA RESULTS CHECK AFC 1
P-P
Glamorgan
AFC 11
4-1
Aberystwyth
AFC 111
17-1
Swansea V
AFCW 1
4-2
Aberystwyth
Badminton 1 2-6
Southampton
Badminton 11 9-0
C&G
Badminton W 5-4
Southampton
Prior home form
Fencing M
P-P
Exeter
deserts Bluebirds
Fencing W
90-73
Exeter
BLUEBIRD CHECK
Hockey M1
6-0
Hockey M11
3-0
Basketball M 86-62
Bath
Basketball W 46-70 Southampton
Hockey M111 0-8
UWE CARDIFF CITY 2 WIGAN ATHLETIC 2 C&G Bristol
Hockey MIV
0-6
UWIC 11
Hockey W1
2-1
Southampton
Hockey W11
1-6
UWIC111
Hockey W111 6-0
UWIC11 Nabil Hassan from Ninian Park
Lacrosse
9-9
Netball 1
44-45
Bath Athletic at Ninian Park hoping to
Netball 11
43-28
Swansea 11 against Bristol City day’s earlier.
Netball 111
41-8
RUFC1
32-20
RUFC11
5-44
C&G unchanged team for the Friday
RUFC111
5-35
Swansea 111 performed so well against The
Squash M1
2-3
Southampton magic in front of another bumper
Squash M11
0-3
Bristol 11
CARDIFF CITY took on Wigan build on their impressive draw However, all their hard work at
Glamorgan 11 Aston Gate was undone with another
disappointing
Newport against lowly Wigan. Alan
Cork
named
result
an
night fixture, but the side that Robins couldn’t turn on the
crowd at Ninian Park. Just over 11,000 people saw Wigan take an early lead after Squash W1 0-5 Southampton nearly 15 minutes. A Peter Kennedy corner was Volleyball M 1-3 Bournemouth poorly defended by the Bluebirds who failed to clear their lines. Eventually the ball dropped Volleyball W 0-3 Portsmouth to Wigan defender Pat who coolly Tennis M 3-2 Nottingham McGibbon dispatched his shot into the Tennis W 6-0 Glamorgan bottom hand corner to leave Neil Alexander with no chance. Postponed AFC1 vs Glamorgan fixture will 1-0 down and facing more dropped points City went now be played on Monday 22nd October. chasing the game and almost equalised within minutes. Man of the Match Paul Brayson BUSA reports and reviews overleaf.
UWIC 11
was unlucky to see his superb volley come back off the post. Throughout the first half as City chased an equaliser they always looked vulnerable at the back. Wigan counter attacked superbly with ex-City striker Simon Haworth causing both Daniel Gabbidon and Spencer Prior major problems. Wigan midfielder Tony Dinning was also particularly unlucky to see two superb volleys sail just wide. City looked nervous at the back and could be thankful to be only one down at the break. A half-time lead of 1-0 soon turned into 2-0 for Wigan. Simon Haworth marked his return to Ninian Park with a great finish. Ged Brannan put through a great ball that left Haworth one-on-one with Neil Alexander and the Welshman made no mistake to give The Latics a two goal cushion. After going nearly sixteen months without a home loss, City were now facing two in as many weeks. The possibility of defeat spurred City into action and £1.8 million striker Peter Thorne soon pulled one back to give the Bluebirds a sniff of the points. It was a simple goal that was more down to poor defending than great marksmanship. A short corner found Robert Earnshaw who swung in a wicked cross that left Thorne with an easy header at the far post. Being the away team Wigan could have sat back on their lead and allowed City to come at them, but to their credit they still played good football and created
their fair share of chances. First, Simon Haworth was prevented his second goal of the night thanks to a last ditch tackle from Rhys Weston, and then Neil Roberts had a goal bound shot blocked on the line by Michael Simpkins. With minutes left City finally drew level. An Andy Legg corner was deflected by Scott Young to Paul Brayson who headed home to give Cardiff a deserved share of the spoils. Cardiff City manager Alan Cork who was celebrating a year in the job was in a positive mood following his sides spirited comeback. “It was a decent performance and a decent game to watch unfortunately the result did not go our way. We’ll take a lot of positives out of the game though”.
Cardiff City took on Rushden and Diamonds in the LDV Vans Trophy in midweek with several players out to prove a point. Des Hamilton, Matt Bonner and Gavin Gordon all started, but City still dominated the game, eventually winning 7-1 with Gordon staking a claim for a first team place by scoring five. This achievement has only ever been equalled by three other City players, and Gordon will be hoping to stake a first team slot on the back of it. Josh Low also produced a superb performance, having a hand in four of the City goals. Cardiff will be looking to translate this sort of form into the league, before the pressure on Alan Cork becomes untenable.
CITY: Much pressure, few league goals to show for it
GAIR RHYDD IS PUBLISHED BY UNIVERSITY UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN ■ TEL: (029) 2078 1400 EXT. 434 ■ REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE ■ PRINTED AT WEST COUNTRY PUBLICATIONS, PLYMOUTH ■ THE GAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS ■ THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS ■ THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF, UNIVERSITY OF WALES ■ I’D LOVE IT IF I WAS GOOD AT THIS ■ BLADON WHATS HER NAME? ■ CHECK THE PAPER.