gair rhydd - Issue 706 by Cardiff Student Media

Free Word 706

gairrhydd Cardiff’s Student Weekly

Monday 26 November 2001

COOL CYMRU

MUSE-ING IT OVER

RHYTHM AND BLUES

Features uncovers the Welsh fashion scene

Music ponder the gods of rock in Newport

Arts get jazzy with Jools Holland

BEST CAMPAIGNING NEWSPAPER IN THE GUARDIAN STUDENT MEDIA AWARDS

Students bottled by thugs on Union steps

Cardiff student beaten unconscious in an unprovoked attack by Lydia Kirby Four Cardiff University students were subjected to a vicious attack by a gang of men outside the union last Tuesday night. The students, all in their first year, were on their way home from a night out in Zeus when they were approached by five males by the steps of the Union on Park Place. The two groups exchanged friendly chat when, to the complete surprise of the students, one of the group members brought out a bottle and hit student Rupert Hyde over the head. Rupert was knocked unconscious as he was beaten repeatedly over the head with the broken bottle. His three friends were then kicked and punched by other members of the group. Despite their injuries the students were eventually able to ward off two of the attackers and make their way back to University Hall. Rupert Hyde, who regained consciousness a few minutes after the attack, was shocked by the events. He said, “It was totally unprovoked. One minute we were talking to them and then suddenly they started to beat us up. Once two of them had run away the other three were willing to shake hands and let us go on our way but I was amazed that people used such violence.” Security at University Hall spotted Rupert, whose head was bleeding from the attack, and took him to hospital where he was given several stitches and diagnosed with concussion. Another of his friends received a black eye and bruising from the attack. Equal Opportunities and Welfare Officer, Rohan Tambyraja, was appalled by the incident but stressed that Cardiff Union is still

one of the safest places in Cardiff. He said, “We have more security than any other nightclub or bar in the city and have as much CCTV as the union can afford. This attack occurred at around 1.30 am when there is less security, but there were patrol officers and something may have been picked up on our security cameras.” Student liaison officer, PC Bob Keohane added, ‘It is very important that, as in this case, victims tell someone about the attack. The Cardiff Police service works closely alongside the union to keep students safe.’ He added, “The union has CCTV cameras all around the campus that are connected to the security centre and to the central Cardiff police station. If students ever feel threatened they should telephone the police or University Security centre on (029) 2087 4444.” Following recent attacks on students in Cardiff, including the rape of a third year female in October of this year, Cardiff University is linking up with South Wales police to inform students how best to keep safe. Last week the first formal student safety week was launched with safety alarms and crook locks on sale in the union. Cardiff University is now in the process of organising self defence classes and distributing crime prevention material, including marker pens to protect property, to all first year students. Communications Officer, Elaye Clark said, ‘Safety is something we take very seriously and it is always on the agenda, but recent events have meant we felt the message should be reinforced.’ Information about personal safety can be found in the Student Advice Centre on the third floor of the Union building.

Debauched scenes at auction shock Solus

AU SLAVE AUCTION: Every bit as dirty as its infamous reputation

The annual Athletic Union Buy Yourself A Servant night came once again to Solus last Wednesday for a hilarious night of nudity, revelry and drunken antics. And, in keeping with the prehistoric theme, sports members bared more of themselves than they bargained for.

Full story: page 3

RALLY FEVER COMES TO CARDIFF : SEE PAGE 2

2 ● News

Briefly... Debt raffle winner CARDIFF RAG, in conjunction with the Students’ Union, sold raffle tickets to give a Cardiff student the chance to win £500 to help pay for their tuition fees. The draw took place on Monday 12th November at midnight in Fun Factory and congratulations go to Gemma Whiles, the lucky winner. RAG hope that, together with the Students’ Union AntiTuition Fees Campaign, the event will have helped to raise awareness about the huge debt that students are faced with. All proceeds from this event will go to Student Volunteering University Cardiff (SVUC), the body responsible for coordinating student involvement in community projects.

Exposure of lecturer A LECTURER from Cardiff has been arrested on suspicion of trying to defraud the television quiz show Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Tecwen Whittock, a 51-yearold business lecturer at Pontypridd College was the third person arrested after programmers suspected audience members of coughing answers to contestant Major Charles Ingram. The Major became the third person to scoop the £1 million prize but the show was never aired. Mr Whittock has denied the charges saying, ‘I certainly wasn’t trying to help him. It was cold and a lot of people were coughing.’ The case is currently under investigation.

‘Its a scream’

Monday 26 November 2001, gairrhydd

Rally rolls in to Cardiff by Carly Snell THE NETWORK Q Motor Rally roared into Cardiff on 22 November for the second year in succession. The final round of the World Rally Championship saw British favourites Colin McRae and Richard Burns battling for top honours, alongside famous names such as Tommi Makinen of Finland. The event was held in the Welsh forests, passing through Swansea and Rhondda to finish in Cardiff on Sunday. The rally was expected to generate Welsh businesses £17 million in revenue from fans visiting local companies and hotels. This will be increased thanks to growing television exposure as the sports’ new promoters, International

NETWORK Q: Final leg of race in Cardiff

VC’s big plans for University by Mark Cobley

LOOKING AHEAD: VC Dr Grant

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S new Vice Chancellor has announced his intention to enlarge the University, with the aim of improving the learning facilities available to students. Dr. David Grant was appointed the Vice Chancellor at the start of October, replacing Sir Brian Smith. His major goal is to expand the University’s research and teaching facilities and take advantage of newly available funding. Winning research contracts would mean forging much closer links with industry, a task Dr. Grant is suited to as a result of his background in industrial management. Before moving into education, Dr. Grant has held leadership roles

in a number of large engineering based companies, most recently at GEC plc. Dr. Grant, who has two children at university, went on to explain his particular interest in tuition fees. ‘Issues such as tuition fees and loans affect me as much as any parent’. He continued, “I’m concerned over tuition fees. They must not act as a barrier to higher education. I hope this government can take action and relieve the issue of student debt.” The new VC has also voiced concerns over the levels of funding the National Assembly makes available to Higher Education in Wales, which at present is substantially lower than in the rest of the UK. However, Dr. Grant’s plans to

Welsh Uni’s united on fees action day

IN THE article that appeared on the front page of last week’s Gair Rhydd (705), it was wrongly stated that the ‘Student Radio Awards’ were sponsored by Radio One. Although the radio station was involved in organising the awards, the event’s major sponsor was the ‘Its A Scream’ pub chain. Gair Rhydd apologises for by Dominic O’Neill any confusion which may have WHILE CARDIFF students been caused by this error. demonstrated against tuition fees outside the National Assembly last week, thousands more students took part in protests across Wales in the largest student demonstration for over a decade. Address: Steve Brooks, president of the National Gair Rhydd Student Union of Wales said, “Students are University Union fed up with living under the shadow of debt.’ Park Place He said the day of action showed ‘the Cardiff overwhelming feeling of students across CF10 3QN Wales.” As well as protests in Cardiff, Telephone: demonstrations took place in Pontypridd, Glamorgan, Carmarthen, Bangor and Editorial – Aberystwyth. In Glamorgan, perhaps the (029) 2078 1434/436 most original protest centred around a VW Advertising – Beetle. (029) 2078 1416 Students attached mock cheques to the E-mail: amount of their individual debt to the ssugr1@cf.ac.uk vehicle. The VW then drove off the campus Visitors: with the aim of symbolically ridding the Find us on the 4th floor of students of debt. the Students’ Union Demonstrations were held in the town

gairrhydd

Sportsworld Communicators, are injecting millions into raising the profile of motor rallying to match the glamorous reputation of Formula One racing. 25,000 spectators attended the rally, which promised to be as thrilling as last year. A special Network Q Rally exhibition was also held in Felindre and in Cathays Park, Cardiff. Motor racing is a growing sport, attracting more and more fans, many of whom are young people and students. Many Cardiff students joined racing fans who had travelled from all over the world to attend. Speaking last Thursday as he made his way to the rally, motor racing fan Richard Meecham said ‘I can’t wait for the rally – my wellies are already packed to get through the mud to the finishing line. I’ve got my money on Colin McRae to win.’

centres of Carmarthen and Bangor, while in Cardiff, the day attracted over 300 students from across the city to build a pile of coins symbolising student debt. The aim of the day of action was to encourage the Welsh Assembly Education Minister Jane Davidson to restore grants and implement the Rees’ recommendation to abolish tuition fees in Wales. Steve Brooks said, “It has been six months since the Rees report was published, and we are still waiting for a detailed response from the government.” Event organiser in Cardiff, Communications and Community Officer Elaye Clark said, “This matter needs to be brought to the attention of the public. I was delighted with the huge amount of media coverage the event received.” The day of action was the beginning of NUS Wales’ yearlong campaign to end student hardship. Events will continue after the New Year when students from all over the UK will march through London to push for an end to student loans and fees.

expand the University have led to worries over the location of new university buildings. He said, “It’s not clear at this stage if we would need to move out of the city centre. It may be important in some cases and we may choose to locate some research centres closer to industry. But I like the fact that the University buildings are close to the Halls of Residence and would want to keep Cardiff’s central location.” It is possible Dr. Grant’s management background may lead to an increase in vocationalism in the university. He has established that he considers it important that all students leave university with ‘employment skills’ including IT and communications. Dr. Grant explained, ‘Scholarship is important but we want to create a combination of academia and employability’. All this, Dr. Grant believes, is essential for Cardiff University to achieve wider recognition as one of Britain’s premier educational establishments. The VC finished by explaining that he wants Cardiff to “reach a level on the international stage of substantial excellence. We want that international reputation.”

The finest Indian Cuisine Open 7 days a week Restaurant & Take away

Open Hours Sun-Thurs 6-12pm Fri-Sat 6-1am

Sunday & Monday Night Special All you can eat for only

£7.50

per person

(Restaurant Dining Only)

FREE Home

Reservation and Take Away Service

Chillies Special Offer

Delivery

Tues-Sat Night Five Course set Meal for One

25%

£7.95

off

when you collect

Indian Restaurant and Take Away

86 Whitchurch Road, Heath, Cardiff Tel: 029 2034 1166/2034 4526

(Restaurant Dining only)

News ● 3

gairrhydd, Monday 26 November 2001

Riotous revelry at auction by James Stokes Sports teams across the Union joined together for a night of hilarity at the annual Athletic Union Buy Yourself a Servant Auction last Wednesday. The event transformed last weeks’ Jive Hive with clubbers and contestants scantily clad for the prehistoric theme. Sports clubs sold off members to raise money for their teams with prices being determined by the effort of the performers, and often the amount of clothes left on them afterwards. Act One, although sadly not available for sale, was the first act to brave the enthusiastic Jive Hive crowd. Members of the society promoted their upcoming Christmas pantomime, Robin Hood Prince of Sleaze, whilst entertaining the audience with their routine on the dance floor. The compere for the night, AU Vice president John Davis, guided the audience through the 11 clubs taking part, unwillingly being dragged into the performances himself at times. Assisting him in a miscellaneous role was Chris Dixon whose job description seemed to range from ‘fluffer’ to paid enforcer. Routines were judged by a panel consisting of several union dignitaries, and an inebriated exCardiff student whose scoreboard was promptly confiscated. As the alcohol flowed the antics of the team members, spurred on by the audience, became more risque. Naked bodies were exposed on stage, much to the amusement of all present, in typical style of the event.

First price was awarded to the men’s rugby team for an unusually refined performance securing gym membership at David Lloyd’s health club, sponsors of the event, for the team members. The second prize, donated by Hollywood Bowl, was awarded to the most outrageous act. Windsurfing ensured victory was theirs with a gallery of body painting masterpieces. Audience members were shocked when female surfers appeared on the stage wearing nothing but black knickers and some strategically placed black tape. In recognition of yet another polished performance from men’s football a shadowy cartel created from funds donated by men’s Hockey and Rugby secured their services. Windsurfing member, Lesley Allison, attended the event to cheer on her colleagues. She said, “There was a really good atmosphere and everyone was having a good laugh. I was really proud of my windsurfing friends who got up on stage to raise money for us. They were great.” The continued participation of the audience was down to excellent organisation of the event as a whole, with time between acts being filled with a number of tongue in cheek games allowing contestants to showcase their quite considerable talents. The night was deemed a success by the organisers who had spent weeks preparing the night’s event. AU President, Caz Noyes, was delighted with the end result. She said, “It was a really great night. My thanks go to everyone who put so much work into making the night go ahead, especially the vice AU presidents, John Davis and Simon Bradshaw.”

WHITE PANTIES: Waves for the admiring crowds.

PRE-HYSTERIA: The women go all native.

PREHISTORIC: AU President Caz Noyes & Development Co-ordinator, Joe Martin with their own snake.

Robbers hit Roath by Lydia Kirby THIEVES MADE off with sentimental and valuable jewellery after breaking into a student house in Russell Street, Roath. The residents, all third year students from Cardiff University, were astonished to find a suitcase from one of the upstairs bedrooms packed with a stereo and other valuables from their bedrooms just inside the front door when they returned home last Monday afternoon. Confused, the students initially thought it was a joke and, as they had only been out for an hour, did not think that they had been robbed. Resident Emma Harrington, who was first to return to the house said, “I saw the suitcase and thought my housemates had just been messing around. It was only when I went up to

bedroom that I realised we’d been robbed.” She continued, “The thieves had gone through all the drawers in the bedroom. They had taken all the jewellery from my room including my Grandmother’s ring and my 18th birthday presents.” She added, “They’d also prised open my money box and left the knife in my room’’ In the other bedrooms, a mini disc player and bottles of aftershave were missing. Perfume had also been removed from one bedroom but was later found in the garden. Housemate Becky Cranwell, believes the deadlock on the front door prevented the thieves taking the stereo as well. She said, “We were amazed they managed to get into back garden at all. We’re at the end of a terrace with houses one side of the

building and a 6-ft wall the other side. We thought our house was pretty safe and have been living here for a year and a half with no problems.” Following this and similar events, Student Liaison officer, PC Bob Keohane, has advised all students to ensure that, where possible, locks are

put on all doors. He said, “Student houses are often a target for thieves because there is often a lot of equipment and most are not fitted with burglar alarms.” He advised, ‘Students should keep bedroom doors locked if they can, especially with the Christmas holidays on the way when many houses will be left empty.”

TERROR ON THE TERRACES: Cardiff houses at risk

PRINCES OF SLEAZE: Act One get in on the action.

Alcohol levels on the increase by Elizabeth Ireland ADDICTION TO alcohol, particularly amongst young people, has increased dramatically according to a recent report. The report, carried out by charity Alcohol Concern, entitled ‘State of the Nation’, asserts that one in 13 people are addicted to alcohol while dependence on drugs only affects one in 26. Drinking amongst 11 to 15 year olds has doubled from 5.3 units per week in 1990 to 10.4 units per week in 2000. In 1999 5,508 people died from alcohol-related incidents compared to 3,853 in 1994. The number of drink-drive accidents per year has also risen by over a thousand since 1998. Furthermore, according to recent scientific experiments,

women may be more susceptible to the dangers of alcohol than men. Although the studies have not yet been confirmed, it is believed that because females have more fat and less liquid in their bodies than males, the concentration of alcohol in their bloodstream reaches higher levels. Traditionally, tests on the effect of alcohol have been carried out on males and results may not be accurate when applied to females. Director of Alcohol Concern, Eric Appleby, has called for urgent action at a national level. He said, ‘What we need is a co-ordinated strategy that tackles alcohol misuse on all fronts: education, public campaigns, community safety, counselling and treatment.’

4 ● News

Monday 26 November 2001, gairrhydd

A MARS A DAY KEEPS STUDENTS COMING TO THE COMMON COLD CENTRE

gairrhydd Editorial The last few weeks have been very hectic and strange in the Gair Rhydd office, not least because of our computer problems that have meant that, not only did last weeks paper come out a week late, but a features page mysteriously appeared on a news page and is hence reprinted here. As anyone with a computer knows they can be very temperamental things, especially when you have an essay/ important deadline looming. Our Harry Potter supplement was meant to be bigger, but the wizard must have put a jinx on our computers and made them all crash at the last minute. So, while you enjoyed reading about Quidditch and witchcraft and wizadry, think of us on Friday afternoon tearing our hair out after such a small boy caused us so many problems. Even more importantly, however, we have been receiving complaints from people who don’t like what we’ve said in our newspaper. At this point, | would normally make some sarcastic comment about how our views are more valid than anyone else’s as we actually bother to put pen to paper in the first place. But, for a change, I’m not going to as the seriousness of the complaints require me to give a serious answer. The unfortunate comments about Remembrance Sunday made in the television listings were allowed to go to print due to a serious editorial error, of which we at Gair Rhydd will never let happen again. Many of you may not be aware, but the Gair Rhydd team are all volunteers who give up their spare time in between doing their degrees and getting drunk. We are not, as much as any of the recent complainants would like us to be, trained journalists. We work for the Gair Rhydd because we enjoy the chance to contribute to a student institution, have a laugh and hopefully increase our chances of getting a job at the end of university. No-one on the Gair Rhydd team has a hidden agenda to cripple religion or take over the world – we simply enjoy writing and putting out something that reflects the way we as students think and live our lives. That is not to say, however, that the comments made in last weeks issue were reflections on students as a whole. I was as horrified as anyone else to read the comment, as remembering those who died in combat on my behalf has always been an important part of my life, as I’m sure it has to 99.9 percent of Gair Rhydd readers. I would just like to make the point that, as much as anyone can never be perfect, I would pack my bags and leave our media penthouse if I ever thought that Gair Rhydd could never get any better or improve. People learn through their mistakes and we at Gair Rhydd are no different. If you would like to have a hand in helping Gair Rhydd be the best that it can be please come to our office and give us your input. But please remember that we are human like anyone else, and perfection is an ideal to strive for and not the norm.

Mars appeal for Cardiff’s cold centre by Sarita Arthur CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S Common Cold Centre is launching a campaign to raise awareness of its work by giving away 2,500 Mars bars. The scheme will involve giving people who collect a brochure with information about the centre a free Mars bar. The Centre hopes that as a result of the campaign students will remember to contact the Common Cold Centre when they get a cold.

In the winter months the centre pays volunteers to take part in trials, run in association with various pharmaceutical companies. Volunteers will be given a drug and be asked to spend some time in a room with other volunteers watching several films. Tests are carried out before and after the volunteers take their pills, some of which are placebos. All the volunteers are presented with a generous cheque for their time and trouble after the tests.

MARS GIVEAWAY: Cold centre offers chocs for germs

Students continue to travel despite terror by Helen Butler

Charities get no play from FTSE by Kathy Wilshere A survey has revealed how little Britain’s biggest companies donate to charitable causes. The report commissioned by the Guardian newspaper reveals the profits compared to the total donations in the last financial year of FTSE 100 companies. The most generous company was Lloyds TSB for the second year running, who gave away a staggering £34,483,000 to good causes. Also near the top were Northern Rock Building society who gave £12.5 million and Unilever who gave £6.7 million. However the survey did shame the likes Old Mutual who donated only £162,000 whilst raking in profits of over a billion pounds. Construction

conglomerate Wolseley, who last year earned a pre-tax profit of £302 million gave a measly £20,000 to charity. Bottom of the pile, and worst offender of all the companies was computer company Logica who made £136 million whilst donating absolutely nothing. The survey supports calls in the charity sector for UK companies to donate 1% of their profits to charitable causes, a system already in operation in the United States. It is hoped that the results of this survey will perhaps encourage businesses to give more back to communities, in line with public opinion. According to a MORI poll on social responsibility, 50 % of the British public feel companies should show greater social responsibility during a time of recession.

Young people are still willing to travel despite the events of September 11, a recent survey has revealed. The poll, undertaken by STA Travel, revealed that a staggering 85 per cent of young people said that they have not been discouraged at all from travelling. The remaining few were asked if a low fare campaign would change their attitude, 82 per cent of them said it would. 90 per cent of those interviewed had not altered or cancelled their travel plans. Surprisingly the U.S is still second in the top five travel destinations. The fact that the majority of people still feel safe to travel at the moment suggests the public still have faith in the

security measures which exist at British airports. First year student, Mark Peters, believes that it is probably safer now to travel than prior to the terrorist attack. He said, ‘I reckon with all the recent publicity about security on planes there’s probably less chance of anything similar to what happened in America occurring again.’ He added, ‘It’s silly for people to be put off travelling. It’s much more likely you’ll be killed in a car accident than in a plane crash.’ Due to the success of this survey, STA Travel have launched a low fare promotion with British Airways to encourage students and young people to travel.

Know your rights By Jane Evans AN INITIATIVE has been launched to inform working students of their rights. The idea follows a warning from the NUS that students are at risk of being exploited in the workplace. The NUS is concerned that our willingness to make quick money makes students prime targets for dishonourable bosses. Government statistics suggest that almost two thirds of students work during term time. It is hoped that the new leaflet will raise awareness of basic rights in the workplace. John Monks, TUC

General Secretary said, ‘We hope to stop working students from getting a raw deal.’ To ensure fair treatment, the leaflet will advise students of their rights in relation to the minimum wage, discrimination, health and safety, working for an agency, and how to deal with being sacked. The leaflets are available from the Jobshop at the union. There is also a TUC ‘know your rights line’ on 0870 600 4882. Lines are open every day from 8am10pm. Third year student Thom Bedeman said, ‘Lots of students have to work so we all need some advice.’

News ● 5

gairrhydd, Monday 26 November 2001

The Week Jail sentence In Print for King rat Dominic O’Neill and David Lindsell summarise this week’s news across Britain

‘Toony’ Blair? by Dominic O’Neill

Mr Blair’s gaffe prompted damning comments from the opposition however. Shadow education secretary Damien Green said “It looks as though the government’s so-called commitment to life-long learning needs reinforcing at the top. As a symbol of promises in education not being matched by performance, this is impossible to beat” he continued.

THE PRIME Minister was accused of not being able to spell last week after writing ‘toomorrow’ three times in a letter to labour’s candidate in the Ipswich byelection. Downing Street aides blamed the error on Mr Blair’s clumsy handwriting resulting from work pressures. The hand-written note read ‘This is just a note to wish you luck toomorrow.’ ‘Best of luck to you and, of course to Ipswich Town in toomorrow’s game.’ Ipswich Town’s UEFA cup rivals Inter Milan ridiculed the error, but they were left lost for words after being beaten 1-0 on Thursday night. Meanwhile, the Ipswich candidate was said to be delighted to receive the note. He said, “The Prime Minister thinks it’s worth a little bit of embarrassment if it gets the Ipswich by-election some BLAIR: Bottom of the class publicity.”

KING:(above) Used celebrity status (right) faces lengthy jail sentence

by Dominic O’Neill FORMER POP guru Jonathon King was escorted to a high security prison last Wednesday after being convicted for sexual assault charges against five schoolboys. The Old Bailey was told how Mr King, 56, used his fame to lure young boys into his home. The self-styled ‘King of Hits’ was jailed for sentences ranging from six months to seven years. A reporting restriction was lifted after the prosecutor decided not to proceed with hearings from six more victims.

Third new first minister for Scotland by Dominic O’Neill THE SCOTTISH Parliament appointed its third First Minister in less than 12 months last week following the spectacular downfall of former First Minister Henry McLeish. Jack McConnell received overwhelming backing in the election and universal support from Labour MSPs. The former education minister has been dubbed an ‘arms-length’ Blairite, but was also supported by Liberal democrat members after agreeing to push for proportional representation. Although he did receive a small amount of opposition from conservative and Scottish National Party members, he gained a massive majority of over 60 percent.

The election came after Henry McLeish admitted to making ‘mistakes’ in letting his constituency residence for over ten years whilst living in London. Mr McLeish allegedly benefited from more than £36,000 during his time as an MP at Westminster. Henry McLeish himself had taken over following the sudden death of Donald Dewar last year. Meanwhile, the new First Minister’s reputation is far from perfect. Before standing for the election he had admitted having an extramarital affair in 1994 during a press conference held jointly with his wife. The couple said they made the disclosure to ‘clear the air’ and end the prospect of the negative media scrutiny that had led to Mr McLeish’s

Judge David Paget told him, “This was a serious breach of trust. You used your fame and success to attract adolescent and impressionable boys. You then abused the trust they and their parents placed in you.” The former Cambridge student sold over 4.5 million copies of his debut single ‘Everyone’s gone to the moon’ in the mid 1960s. He then became a top record company executive, ran the Brit Awards and broadcast shows from the UK and America. He now has to pay over £14,000 in legal expenses for offences ranging over three decades.

His friend, the former Radio One DJ Paul Gambaccini said, “It is so difficult to reconcile the two truths, of someone who was capable of high entertainment and knowledge and such low behaviour.” The celebrity still maintained his innocence and is now using his website to fight for an appeal. Detective Inspector Brian Marjoram, who led the investigation said “We have achieved justice today for Mr. King’s victims. He got the defence money could buy, but the jury saw through his deceit and justice was seen to be done.”

Asylum seekers freed from jail by David Lindsell

MCCONNELL: Received an overwhelming majority

resignation. Following his election he said he was ‘ready to deliver’. He continued to say, “I am proud of the party I have been elected leader of, and I am proud of this position and parliament, and I am especially proud that my family is here today,” he said. Gerry Hassan, a respected

political analyst, said, “I think this is a significant political moment.” He continued, “What this has shown is that Scottish Labour has a life of its own and is growing up. Gordon Brown can’t second guess the parliament from the Treasury and it is going to be the better for that.”

The last of the asylum seekers housed in Cardiff prison moved out this week as promised by the government. Home Secretary David Blunkett had set a December deadline to find alternative accommodation for the asylum seekers. An estimated 50 people from 19 nationalities were living in the prison alongside convicted criminals. In July twenty of the asylum seekers were handcuffed on a medical trip to Cardiff general hospital and in August thirty of the refugees went on a hunger strike. The move was also welcomed by Cardiff Central AM Jenny Randerson, whose constituency includes the jail. She said, ‘Asylum seekers should never have been housed in Cardiff prison in the first place.’

At the moment it is unclear where they have been moved to. In April 2001, Gair Rhydd reported on the appalling way in which asylum seekers were being treated. 41 people, including some who were tortured in their home countries, were held for up to 23 hours a day in Welsh prison cells. At least one threatened to hang himself and many were reported to be severely depressed. Yet the majority were accused of no criminal offence. Speaking at the time, Marilyn Bishop, a solicitor for some of the asylum seekers, said, “I am horrified by some of the things that are going on.” She continued, We have been told that immigration officials are going into the prison and trying to get the asylum seekers to sign documents that would enable them to be deported at once. That is appalling.”

Programme Until Thursday 29th November 2001. Please ring the information line for this weekend’s listings.

Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - (PG) (Battle, violence and fantasy horror - may be unsuitable for under 8’s) Advance Showings - Book Now 0870 0102351 10.00 11.30 12.15 1.00 2.45 3.45 4.15 4.45 6.30 7.30 8.00 8.30

The International Film Festival Of Wales: 22/11 - 29/11

Please contact the cinema for a complete listing of times. My Little Devil Compassionate Sex Rain The Boy Who Saw The Wind The Lady and The Duke Silent Cry Gaudi Afternoon Pollock The Doe Boy Jump Tomorrow Alone Dirt For Dinner The King Is Dancing Hush! Belphegor Phantom of The Louvre Bywyn Dy Groen Mad Dogs Metropolis As The Best Sleeps Cool and Crazy Monkeybone Silent Grace Fireply Dreams Monsoon Wedding Nightshift Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone - (PG)

9.15 9.45 10.15 10.45 11.15 12.30 1.00 1.30 2.00 2.30 3.45 4.15 4.45 5.15 5.45 7.00 7.30 8.00 8.30 9.00 Late Night shows - Fri and Sat only 10.30 11.00 11.30

Spy Game - (15)

11.10 2.00 5.00 8.00 Late Night shows - Fri and Sat only 11.15

Kiss Of The Dragon - (18)

Amelie - (15)

Daily except Thursday 8.30

Recess: Schools Out - (U) Saturday Morning Kid’s Club Children & Adults £1.50 Starts 10.00 Ends 11.20

Bandits - (12)

Advance Screening - Thursday only 11.30 2.20 5.20 8.15

The Heist - (15)

11.40 2.00 4.20 - Daily except Sat and Sun 6.30 - daily except Wed 8.40 - Daily Late Night Shows - Fri and Sat only 11.00

11.50 3.00 5.50 8.30 Late night shows - Fri and Sat only 11.30

The Others - (12)

Ghostworld - (15)

10.40 2.00 4.20 6.40 9.00 Late Night Shows - Fri and Sat only 11.50

Me Without You - (15)

11.55 2.30 5.15 8.00 Late Night Shows - Fri and Sat only 11.00

10.50 1.20 3.50 - Daily 6.20 8.50 - Daily except Mon Late Night Shows - Fri and Sat only 11.30

Legally Blonde - (12)

10.00 12.00 - Daily except Tue, Wed or Thursday 2.10 4.20 - Daily 6.30 - Daily except Wed 8.40 - Daily except Tue & Wed Late Night Shows - Fri and Sat only 11.00

Disco Pigs - (15) Daily except Thursday 11.50 2.00 4.00 6.10

Jeepers Creepers - (15) Friday and Saturday only 11.00

Atlantis: The Lost Empire Sat & Sun only 10.30 12.30 2.30

Far and Away - (12)

Thursday Morning Senior Screen £1.70 Starts 11.00 Ends 1.20

Any screening £2.95 for students with valid NUS Card.

Letters ● 7

gairrhydd, Monday 26 November 2001

Letter of the week The writer of this week’s Letter of the week earns himself the right to watch Chris Moyles choke on his own tragically unfunny testicles. Dear Gair Rhydd, I am writing in reply to the article “Ministry of Cheese” (GR 705), in which the Union is branded as a “Cheese Factory”. I agree, but it’s like that for a reason. Before Lash there was Quids Inn, an indie night. It had to change due to number of complaints made to the DJ about the music being played. The student movement for underground music and up and coming bands is unaffordable because only pop-orientated nights sell out, whatever decade it comes from. It is these nights which help fund societies, clubs, Student Development, Advice Centre, Jobshop, Gair Rhydd and other services. I once asked about forty students individually who Goldie was, and not one of them knew, despite his prominence as a star of Eastenders, a Bond movie, and of course as one of the world’s most famous DJs. The majority of students have grown up with the likes of Take That, Kylie and co, and this is what they want from a night out in the Union. As for alternative nights, we have Hammered for indie/rock fans, Sumo and Ninja Tunes, One Mission for funk to house, Java for jazz and funk, and even Global Village and Culture Shock for world music, including R’n’B and African music. A Hip-Hop night is being launched in February to further increase variety. These events are hosted in the Seren Las because, when put in Solus and promoted with the same material as “cheese” nights, the cheese wins every time. Even when put in Seren Las, alternative nights frequently fail to sell out. We cover every type of music you can name; the sad fact is that cheese seems to rule. Yours sincerely, Alex Molokwu Finance and Services Officer

Stripper Pleas Dear Gair Rhydd, A big thank you for printing nights out in Cardiff so us students can organise our weekly alcohol intake. However, I was annoyed to see that you described a night out at the Fantasy Lounge as “sad”. I am a lap-dancer there, as are many Cardiff students, you may be surprised to know. The people who pay for us are not “sad”, and the club is actually a friendly, fun night out. If people had a more openminded attitude towards stripping, the people like yourself may not

find it necessary to negatively label clubs like the Fantasy Lounge. You should try it yourself and get over your inhibitions! Not a stripperphobe are you?! Also, in the very same issue (GR 705), you bring up the problem of student debt. As a struggling student who is trying to pay for food, accommodation etc, I would appreciate it if you would try to promote my place of work rather than dissing students who go there. Hunky 3rd years with girlfriends who will lap-dance for free, or ugly women with bikini lines down to their knees may disagree for obvious reasons. But I think the

Fantasy Lounge is a must for students who fancy something beyond the realms of other clubs. Yours, 34, 24, 34 P.S. Hi to the students who pop in regularly! Get There says: Having never visited the Fantasy Lounge myself, I am perhaps ill placed to mock the saddos. I mean people who attend regularly. If Miss 34,24,34 would like to pop round my gaff and give me a one on one taste of just what I’m missing, then I may change my mind. Though in all honesty, I’m far more likely to just cum in my pants.

Clear Off, Clara Dear Gair Rhydd, Could I please notify readers tat the advice given in the letter titled “Long-Distance Clara” (GR, 705) is extraordinarily bad. Having faithful long-distance relationships in the first is a fantastic way to deprive yourself of those last years of irresponsibility you are entitled, which come in the form of the wonderful Cardiff social life. If anything, wait until the final year before setting out on the serious stuff. I survived a long-distance relationship of 7,000 kilometers last year and conquered unparalleled temptation only to see the light upon my returning to Europe. I now fantasise over an opportunity I turned down of playing hide the pork sausage with a beautiful Latin lady. Such is life. This year Cardiff is particularly blessed with fine young ladies (probably boys also) from Britain and beyond, so why go long distance? WE HAVE IT ALL!!! Yours, M Lettersdesk says: You nearly played Hide the Pork Sausage with a beautiful Latin girl? What, was she a butcher or something? I just don’t get it.

Tr e v i t h i c k Te n s i o n Dear Gair Rhydd, Responding to Dave the Medic’s astute observation that letters in this (otherwise entertaining) paper have been descending into matters of debatable relevance to most everyday students, we wish to alert the attention of the university at large to a subject of great importance to the male students of Engineering, Physics and Computer Science degrees. There is a severe lack of fit birds in the Trevithick complex. What women there are, respect, you aren’t too bad. Some can be considered female. But the fact of the matter is that when we decided to study our chosen degree at Cardiff, we did not appreciate that the majority of our time would be spent in an entirely masculine environment. Whoever decided to place arguably the three most male-dominated departments on one site has made a serious error of judgement. The fucking tool. So if we may, we’d like to recommend the relocation of the department of Computer Science to somewhere close to the biochemistry main building main building, and the department of English Studies to replace it. This would be a start in attempting to disperse the frankly concentrated female population from opposite the Student Union, and would undoubtedly gratify the hundreds of sexually frustrated men on the Trevithick site. Preferably before our degree schemes end. By the way, whoever relented and brought back the Trevithick breakfast, you are a fucking legend. Cheers, The Three Muffkateers Lettersdesk says: Whilst your tale about the state of sexual deprivation amongst the male population of the Trevithick site is a sad and moving one, you must understand that the current layout is in place for a very good reason. Since all students of Engineering, Physics and Computer Science can

communicate only in a series of grunts and ape-like gestures, even if you were exposed to females from other departments, even basic communication would be an uphill struggle. Now, we’ve just about got room for one more fit of moaning and then it’ll all be over.

Hoodwinked Dear Gair Rhydd,

Here in Cardiff we appear to have reverted to the middle ages. I thought we were living in a liberal world with equality, not a sexist world pandering to a few hormonal males. It’s nearly Christmas and hence the time for pantomime. Instead of a few reindeer or a nice picture of Robin Hood on the advertising posters, we are instead subjected to pictures of scantily clad women and disgusting slogans. Every lunchtime, I am accosted on the union steps by men dressed in green tights and attractive women in identical T-shirts hounding me to come and see a play. I mean what does ‘Is your forest deep enough to hide Robin’s Hood’ mean anyway? It’s nonsensical rubbish. The posters advertise the fact that drinks at the performance cost £1.20 a pint but this just perpetuates the idea that students are all out to get pissed all of the time. I mean, how unfucking original. You can have high jinx with a good game of whist without all this need for drinking and dancing around. Who really wants to go and see a pantomime full of disgusting innuendoes and sexy dancers with a drunken, heckling audience? Maybe Act One should put on a proper, decent play such as a Dickensian adaptation of ‘A Christmas Carol’ or something proper unlike this ‘Robin Hood: Prince of Sleaze’ which is a pantomime written for students by students and merely a vehicle for student wit. Yours sincerely, A 5th year Engineer

Send your letters in to us at Gair Rhydd, Students’ Union, Park Place, CF10 3QN or e-mail SSUGR1@CARDIFF.AC.UK. Gair Rhydd will attempt to print any letter sent in, but apologises for those that do not make it in due to space restrictions. The views expressed in these letters are usually not those of the newspaper or the editor.

Crossword “Etymophiles of the world, unite and take over”, as someone once sang. No doubt you’re all gagging for a bit of crossword action after last week’s problems, so without further ado, let the fun begin. . . ACROSS: 2. Binge (7) 7. Toss, as with a coin or a pancake (4) 8. ____ Drive by Night, Bogart film (4) 9. Type of exercise 10. Arabic ruler 12. Optimism or pleasant expectation (4) 15. Be indisposed (3) 16. Excused (6) 18. Slimmer (6) 20. Instrument for shaping a bore (6) 22. Consecrate (6) 23. Awkward lout (3) 24. Watery part of milk (4) 27. False show (4) 29. Bring onto effect (7) 30. Sign of things to come (4) 31. Operatic solo (4) 32. Male monarch’s country (7) DOWN: 1. Fruit made into a prune (4)

2. Practice, as a boxer (4) 3. Throwing rope used on cattle ranches (6) 4. Humourous in a vulgar way (6) 5. Draw with acid (4) 6. Fibre used in making rope (4) 10. Facial feature, raised in surprise (7) 11. State repeatedly (7) 13. A big big bird (7) 14. Mistake in printing (7) 17. Sweet or savoury pastry (3) 19. ___ Botham, former cricketer, now a TV personality (3) 21. Decayed (6) 22. Frightened (6) 25. Religious song (4) 26. Jerk (4) 27. Sewer’s join (4) 28. Among (4) Send your answers to the gair rhydd office before Wednesday and the winner will be announced in the next issue. 705’s lucky winner was Michael Peck. The astute amongst you will have noticed that one of last week’s clues was missing, and some of the solutions given were plain wrong. Rest assured, the individual at fault has been suitably disciplined, and it won’t happen again. Ever. 705’s solution: ACROSS: 7.Scorer; 8.Nudity; 9.Ape; 10.Harm; 11.Who can say?; 12.Kit; 14.Irony; 17.Sabot; 19.Agile; 20.Creak; 22.Aesop; 24.Emu; 26.Egon; 28.Sett; 29.Oft; 30.Person; 31.Ignore. DOWN: 1.Forage; 2.Gram; 3.Prank; 4.Inept; 5.Odds; 6.Stereo; 13.Idiom; 15.Ode; 16.Yak; 17.Sea; 18.Bus; 21.Rugger; 23. Outcry; 24.Ebony; 25.Until; 27.Nose; 28.Sing.

Name:_______________________ Email:________________________ When I grow up I want to be a . . . . . . . because:__________________________ ___________________________________________________________________

This week’s winner wins a meal for two at The Roath Tandoori & Balti Restaurant

blagging

Competitions ● 08

gairrhydd, Monday 26 November 2001

The ultimate in...

THIS WEEK: ROLLERBALL EROTICA, PHONE TERROR AND (SOON) A PANTLOAD OF WASHING POWDER

The Winners Circle Lots of winners this week. Check the lists below and if your name appears, you’ve won a prize! Hurray!

Rock Sound The following mosh monkeys have won a Rock Sound goodie bag, containing a tshirt (black obviously), CDs and a copy of the magazine: Nick Robinson, Gem Jones, Becky Johnson, Sarah Slipman and Gary Triss.

Toastie Makers These cheese beasts have all won sandwich toasters. For God’s sake come and pick them up you morons. Hannah Langfield, Iain Gregg, Catriona Mohr, Joanne Higgs, Olayemi Fadahunsi and Rhian Chapman. Come and collect your prizes from the Gair Rhydd office on the fourth floor of the Union Building.

gairrhydd Drop your answers in to the Gair Rhydd office on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union. Or you can send them to: Gair Rhydd, Cardiff University Students’ Union, Park Place, Cardiff CF10 3QN Alternatively, e-mail your answers and contact details to: gair_rhydd@hotmail.c om Win this stuff or I’ll have to keep it for myself.

It’s a pen, honestly... A

lthough you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s a gadget in the Anne Summers winter collection. But no, my flushed and quivering friends, this is the latest thing in the pen world. The DELTAgrip (the capital letters only hint at the excitement in store) is the latest in smooooth writing technology from those bad daddies at Sheaffer. It has a textured grip and the streamlined barrel (my stars, this is a bit steamier than the humble ballpoint) comes in a choice of six colours: blueberry, lime, raspberry ripple, tangerine and banana. Or is that blue, green, red, orange and yellow? Yikes! Almost let my corporate whore mask slip there. Of course raspberry ripple is a colour. How foolish of me. Start again. The DELTAgrip pen has a textured grip which promises unparalleled comfort and stability. In fact, the DELTAgrip has been designed by scientists so that once picked up, the writer finds his hand irretrievably attached to the barrel. Shake it, pull at it, even hack your hand Win a DELTAgrip pen from the wrist, you may never Which of these words is an let go. This might sound anagram of ‘pen’? like a gimmick, but is in fact a curious enchantment A: Blerg wrought to make sure that B: Fpib this is literally the only pen C: Nep you’ll ever need. The only cure, the makers say, is to Answers in the usual way (see the bathe the afflicted wrist in sidebar if you’re stupid and the tears of a gipsy virgin confused). Cheers me dears. with a flannel made from

MORE SCIENCE THAN THE SPACE SHUTTLE: But will it fly?

monkey skin. So be warned: this is not a pen for wussies. If you think you can handle the awesome responsibility that this pen entails, then feel free to enter the competition. You big hero. We have twenty DELTAgrip pens to give away, in a choice of exciting colours. They retail at £4.99, but all you need to shell out is a few joules of brain power. And as a special incentive, one of the pens is explosive. Will you win a nice rollerball or a ticking timebomb of plastic-shard-in-the-heart tendency? You’ll never know if you don’t enter, will you? Go on! To win one of twenty DELTAgrip pens, just tell me the answer to this tricky teaser.

A fresh clean ring

t’s pretty likely that you’re settled into your student house by now (unless you’re in halls, in your parents gaff or living on the streets). Finally the damp walls have been covered over with posters, the last mouse has been evicted from the sofa, and the dead children of previous tenants have been exorcised and will prey on your sleep no more. Even so, it’s still not home, is it? The memory of the stinking student scum who came before you still lingers on, in the form of unpaid water bills and yellow nail clippings in the salad tray. But have you considered the most easily overlooked- and most deadly- trace of previous tenants? Every year thousands of students die from bubonic plague and herpes after using the telephone left in their house by previous tenants. Most people do not think to boil the telephone on moving into the house, but often this is the only way to kill the evil germs that cause these terrible diseases. These germs may

be no bigger than a grain of rice, and are invisible and can fly. They lurk in the mouthpiece and leap out when we put our puckered lips to the phone, infecting us even as we reassure our family that we are feeling fine. How ironic that just minutes after setting your mum’s mind at rest, you could be vomiting blood and faeces and wishing for death. All because you were too lazy to buy a new telephone. Your selfishness makes me question whether I want to bring another child into this world. To prevent this kind of nightmare, Gair Rhydd and BT are linking arms joyfully and giving away ten Décor 210 telephones. They feature onetouch memory dialling and a speakerphone so can pretend you’re in Star Trek. Win one and your flatmates will thank you. To win one of ten BT Décor 210 phones, riddle me ree and answer me question (in that order).

Win a BT telephone What do the initials ‘BT’ stand for? A: B: C:

British Telecom Braised Testicles NTL

Answers via the usual channelsbut don’t phone us, obviously! Ha! Ha-ha! A-ha-ha-ha!

Next week in Blagging...

une in next week, prize-pickers. We’ve got an absolute pantload of washing powder to give away courtesy of Persil. An absolute pantload. Plus... Jay and Silent Bob! Snootchie bootchies!

WANTED Meeting Times: ■ Monday 1.15pm News Features Sport

Arts Books Classifieds Comment Competitions Crossword Executive Committee

■ Wednesday 1.30pm News Update ■ Wednesday 2.15pm

Features Film Games Interviews Letters Listings Music

Arts

News

Books Games Film

Rough Guide Sport Voxpop

Music Features

TV Guide

Gair Rhydd is looking for enthusiastic and imaginative... ● writers ● designers ● web programmers ● photographers ● production assistants Visit us at our media penthouse Gair Rhydd, 4th Floor Students’ Union, Tel: 02920 781434 or 781436 Fax: 02920 781407 Email: ssugr1@cardiff.ac.uk

10 ● Classifieds

Monday 26 November 2001, gairrhydd

Classified Adve r tising ●

Only 10 pence per word

●

20 pence per CAPITALISED word

●

25 pence per bold word

●

30 pence per BOLD CAPITALISED word

●

£1.00 additional charge for a boxed advertisement

●

£2.00 additional charge for photo (box included free of charge)

MESSAGE

Please print your Message in the box below. One word in each box. Capitalise words you want in CAPITALS. Underline words you want in bold.

TICK BOX IF BOX REQUIRED: TICK BOX IF PHOTOGRAPH REQUIRED: FOR INSERTION IN THE FOLLOWING ISSUE(S): CONTACT ADDRESS/TELEPHONE: TOTAL COST: Please circle the category you require: Personal; Services; Employment; For Sale; Wanted; Accommodation; Societies; Miscellaneous Please complete this form and return it to: Gair Rhydd, Cardiff University Students’ Union, Park Place, Cardiff CF10 3QN. All cheques should be made payable to Cardiff Union Services Ltd.

NON-SABBATICAL OFFICERS

SHAG OFFICE HOURS: Tuesday 3-5pm and Friday 12-2pm W E L S H A F FA I R S O F F I C E R / SWYDDOG MATERION CYMRAEG: Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons 2-5pm. Contact Cerith Spooner on SpoonerC1@Cardiff.ac.uk I N T E R N AT I O N A L S T U D E N T S ’ OFFICER : Wednesday afternoons. Contact Minelle Gholami on GholamiM1@Cardiff.ac.uk STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES OFFICER: Monday 2-4pm. Contact Natasha Hirst on HirstN2@Cardiff.ac.uk WOMEN’S OFFICER: Monday and Wednesday afternoons. Contact Sally Cameron Griffiths on Cameron-Griffiths @Cardiff.ac.uk. LGB OFFICER: Wednesday afternoons 25pm, Wednesday afternoons. Contact James Knight on KnightJ2@Cardiff.ac.uk. BLACK AND ETHNIC AFFAIRS OFFICER: Contact Prab Ramkumar on RamkumarP1@Cardiff.ac.uk. MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER: Contact Gareth Hiscocks on HiscocksG@Cardiff.ac.uk. Xpress Station Manager: contact Emma Gait-Carr on StationManager@Xpressradio.co.uk.

Want to talk about sexuality? Or do you want information about lesbian, gay or bisexual issues? No hassle, no pressure, just a friendly ear. Ring the LGB PHONELINE on 029 2039 8903, Monday, 7.00pm-9.00pm

All officers (except Xpress Station Manager) can be contacted on the third floor of the Students’ Union.

ACCOMMODATION Spacious room to let in friendly house in Cathays with three girls. Full furnished. £195 pcm. Near to Uni and pubs. Contact Amy, Ceri or Karen: (029) 2038 2553.

MISCELLANEOUS

Alexander Technique The Alexander Technique can improve postural habits, release tension, aid concentration and improve general well-being. From November 1st, I will be teaching the Alexander Technique in meeting room 3 in the Student’s Union Building on Thursdays. Individual lessons will be available from 11 o’clock am - 3 o’clock pm, and are open to everybody. For further information and to book lessons, please contact Mrs. Sarah Tovey on 01873 857200, or email: sarah.tovey@btinternet.com -

WANTED Zeitgeist is the creative writing magazine of the English department. We are looking for poetry, fiction (up to 2,000 words), pictures, cartoons, photographs, reviews or essays you think deserve a wider audience. This year we will be printing more copies and the magazine will have a higher profile. All kinds of writing are considered on their own merits, from members of any department. Submissions preferred by e-mail attachment (Word files) to EverettAM@cf.ac.uk or GatesD@cf.ac.uk, or to the English Literature secretary on paper or on disc. We are also looking for poetry, stories and drawings on the theme of Christmas – whether you love it or hate it. Deadline is November 20.

Size ten Slalom inline skates hardly used. Worth 200 pounds for sale at 100 pounds. Contact Catherine on 02920216226 for further details. Spacious room to let in friendly house in Cathays with 3 girls. Fully furnished £195 pcm. Near to uni and pubs, Contact Amy, Ceri or Karen 029 2038 2553. Shout it from the roof tops, Anna has finally achieved her goal in life, and it was “beautiful”. What would Dr. B think? “no no no no.” Well done girl! From all your RG mates. Ipswich one, Inter Milan nil? Awesome scenes at Portman Road, Get There must be grinning from ear to ear.

DON’T FORGET: The Classifieds page is the best way to sell stuff, ask for stuff, sort out a house, stitch up a mate with ‘an hilarious’ birthday photo or to make an announcement to the general populous. Use the form up there. Go on!

Tafarn Xmas Quiz Special The Last Tafarn Quiz This Term Sunday December 2nd, 7pm

1st Prize

- Gold Loyalty Card worth £100*

2nd Prize - Silver Loyalty Card worth £50*

3rd Prize

- Bronze Loyalty Card worth £25*

Maximum 6 per team • £3 entry * Loyalty cards will only be valid in the Tafarn

www.cardiffstudents.com

Opening hours:-

Monday - Saturday Sunday

11.00am - 1.00am 7.00pm - 10.30pm

Comment ●11

gairrhydd, Monday 26 November 2001

Comment Comment Cheesed Christmas Off D

unchtimes in University eating quarters can be rather dull – especially for the vegetarian. If the Naked Chef were in charge of the sandwich menu, he’d have “none of this rubber cheese malarkey”. Each academic day, some super early bird nabs the one houmous sandwich on offer, leaving behind an overwhelming array of cheddar for remaining visitors. And sure enough, the choice revolves around cheese and salad, cheese and pickle, cheese and coleslaw or cheese and erm cheese. Sometimes, one can indulge in an egg and mayonnaise affair, but that is far too smelly to warrant discussion. With the influx of celebrity chefs, food has never before been so stylish and versatile. Nigella Lawson wouldn’t dare send her kids off to school with a cheese and ham sarnie in their rucksacks. Just imagine the humiliation! Only the finest Mexican flat bread, with a medley of salsa and refined beans please. OK, so such gourmet treats are unlikely to be found in mass produced products, but do the vast majority of bread fillings have to be unimaginative? At the very least, there should be some variation on the cheddar monopoly. Attention all sandwich makers – as young and daring students, we are willing to tantalise our taste buds with feta, mozzarella, brie and other exotic curds and whey. In all fairness, veggie lunch options are slowly improving...this semester has witnessed the debut of the roast vegetable sandwich and Quorn Tikka baguette, albeit in small quantities. Such items may be expensive to produce, but from the grumbles heard in refectories, there is obviously a demand for more adventurous culinary thrills. We need less cheddar and more choice – now that’s what I call pukka tucker.

Lori White

Comment Plea If you’ve got something you want to get off your chest, then come up to the Gair Rhydd office and show us what you’re made of! It could be your name on the page next week.

on’t you just love Christmas? All those presents, free flowing alcohol, as much turkey as you can eat, enough chocolate to supply a nation, and merry old Grandma sitting in the corner drunk on half a glass of sherry. Yes people, I love Christmas. That is, I love December 25th, I do not however love the lead up to Christmas. When I say lead up I don’t mean I hate the inevitable Christmas parties and Christmas Disco Stu at the Union, I mean that I hate all the shopping involved. Myself being a shopaholic, you’d think this time of year would be almost too much for me to cope with, what with not even needing an excuse to go into town, but to me its like taking your life in your hands. Why would anyone, anyone relish the pushing and shoving to get to the checkout first, just to pay for you that oh so amusing pair of musical socks for Uncle Vernon, and a bar of Toblerone? The shopping days that precede Christmas are hell. Hell because even the normally hassle free task of walking down Queen Street on a Sunday afternoon becomes a chore in itself. Have you noticed that as soon as November 1st comes along, and this is arguably getting earlier each year, the hoards of shoppers start to influx into Cardiff every weekend to make the most of every shopping day they can right up until Christmas Eve? You just can’t move

Chaos

for over laden buggies with massive boxes in Argos bags hanging off the handles, threatening to sever the limb of any innocent shopper trying to get past. Just last week, at 5pm on Sunday evening, a time when I thought I would be relatively safe to walk through Queen Street with out being run over by masses of bargain hunters, I was nearly run down by a lady and her pram, and several

granddaughter, S Club 7 or Westlife, while debating with their friend how music “just isn’t the same as it used to be in our day.” In this day of ever growing technology, maybe I should resort to using the internet, and get all my shopping done from the comfort of my own home, with a nice cup of tea and a rather large piece of chocolate cake by my side. What more could a person ask for? Yet despite this oh so inviting alternative, and the nightmarish thought of thrashing around Debenhams trying to beat the next person to that lovely sweater which would be just perfect for your Dad, only to lose and end up sprawled on the floor, I wouldn’t really change the Christmas shopping experience for anything. Why? Because it all adds to the atmosphere of Christmas. With all the pretty lights and decorations, and when you see the look of satisfaction on people’s faces when you’ve risked life and limb to get them the present they’ve always wanted, it makes it all worth the hassle. At the end of the day, what really makes it all worth while for me is hearing a dreamy, young George Michael singing woefully about his broken heart in every shop you go into. But that’s a whole different fantasy...

“ ” You just can’t move for over laden buggies with massive boxes in Argos bags hanging off the handles threatening to sever the limb of any innocent shopper

shoppers who were obviously in such a rush to get to a shops before they closed that they were only too willing to stampede anyone who got in their way. Obviously as well as the manic shoppers, you also get the local OAPs coming out to play at Christmas too, only at a third of the speed that most other people tend to work at. If they are not ambling down the street at a snail’s pace trying to decide where to purchase their next present, they are dithering right in front of you in HMV trying to decide which would be best for their 9 year old

Sian Birch

A student’s guide to financial survival

ebt. Poverty. Malnutrition. All these things need to be considered at the end of the honeymoon period from the first loan cheque. When you get nearer to the end of the money in your bank account, you descend into the slippery slope of bargain mobile phones and sale shopping. Then your enter the world of the overdraft and the realisation that your drinking habits are going to have to revolve around Tesco value vodka. And the fact that essentially, you’re just paying for a hangover. So, what can you do to bump up your finances with a few extra pennies? A part time job can be a good idea, but it is always hard to get over the knowledge that if you hadn’t been spending your money on the drinks that you subsequently threw up on Friday night, you wouldn’t now be serving drunk

arrogant customers the kind of wine you won’t be able to afford until your pension. Apparently good money management is only all about a little bit of willpower, but I cannot believe that budgeting is something that people actually do, as it is still surrounded by the image of being akin to the dark world of packed lunches and thermos flasks. Alternatively, no true penny pinching student will ever completely rule out an escort service as a source of fast cash, with the posters outside the Union being a constant reminder that there are other money making possibilities, however immoral. But are there any less dubious solutions? Is student life really to be dictated by what two-for-ones are at Tesco, and which seriously dodgy luminous green vodka mix bottles are on special offer in the pub?

Apparently yes, but there are a few tips – never take your mobile phone if you are getting wasted and your boyfriend/girlfriend is on a different network; if you are approached in Queen Street by an enthusiastic friendly looking dreadlocked hippy, and you don’t have two pounds to even feed yourself let alone an African village, then do not sign anything. Finally go to Fun Factory because its cheap and the music’s good. So if you wish, at some point in your student life to see a lovely plus sign rather than minus sign when you go to the bank, then follow these easy rules, and maybe, just maybe once in your life a little miracle may happen. After all dreams can come true if you want them badly enough don’t they? Katherine Moore

Massive

FREE Christmas Prize Draw from your Union

Over 100 prizes to be won including Pair of Interail tickets worth £500. All zone, valid for 1 month duration £50 Sainsbury's Gift Vouchers • 2 Xmas gift boxes from Lush (worth £25 & £15) 24 bottles of Intro 2 wine • Fleeces • T-Shirts • Baseball Caps • Mouse Mats Meal for 2 at Balti Cuisine • Cardiff University Sweatshirt 5 pairs of tickets for UGC Cinema • Pair of tickets for Ian Brown (7 March) Pair of So Solid Crew (6 Dec) • Pair of basement Jaxx tickets (9 Dec) Pair of all building Xmas Ball tickets (11 Dec) Pair of Summer Ball Tickets and lots, lots more....

Don't miss a chance to win REGISTER NOW!!!!! on cardiffstudents.com

All you have to do to get a chance to win is log on to cardiffstudents.com before Monday 3 December and register on line. (Conditions apply see website). Prizes will be drawn at random on Monday 3 December. If you have already registered you will be automatically entered into the free prize draw.

FILM International Film Festival Wales

GAMES Making a splash on the PS2

MUSIC Muse at Newport Centre

Class A Hugs Embrace come back to what they know in the Great Hall Robin Hood: Prince of Sleaze •• Smugglers Smugglers Run Run 22 •• Mark Mark Thomas Thomas Inside: Get There! The ultimate guide to Cardiff and beyond!

Contents

02. Get There Please read this. It takes me ages, and is actually quite funny. Honestly...

04. Books

D.C writes a very good piece about censorship which is a very topical subject the Gair Rhydd office. Ahem...

05. Arts

Get There

ello, good evening, and welcome once more to ‘Get There’, the Mandy Dingle of the listings world: bigger than it should be, far too pleased with itself and funny for all the wrong reasons. Once again, the Get There team have worked slavishly to rip off other listings magazines hard work, pausing only to insert the odd wry aside, and insult a minority group wherever possible. Remember, gang: if you want to Get Hip, you’ve got to Get There!

Sound the alarm bells|! This weeks amusing/ pointless intro has been replaced instead with a big sloppy kiss for Robin and Simon, who have both, in recent weeks, stepped in at the last minute to prevent the mighty Get There section from total disaster. Why have done this? Most say kind-hearted benevolance, I say because they both fancy me. Whatever, their actions were undoubtedly kind. Sirs, we salute you!

Arts raises the debate as to what constitutes arts and what constitutes music as they get down with Jools Holland and his Rhythm and Blues Orchestra. And music subsequently wet their pants.

Union

06. Film

Wednesday 28/11

FILM supports local industries with by previewing the International Film Festival of Wales.

09. Games

Games get wet with Splashdown on the Playstation.

10. Music

Music review tha sexiest man in pop David Kitt, and get up close and personal with Embrace in the Great Hall. Sorted.

16. TV Guide Far funnier than it has any right to be- it’s the Gair Rhydd TV guide! This week featuring special guests! And plenty of fnaars.

GRiP Editor Sarah Hodson GRiP Editor John Bayley Arts Lizzie Brown and LaDonna Hall Books D.C. Gates Film Jonathan Steven Games James Morley and Chris Faires Music Gemma Curtis and Maria Lane Get There Luke Holland TV Listings Charlotte Martyn, Rasta Man,Town Crier, Mary Whitehouse, Samuel Pepys and Nick Harrison GRiP needs your help! We are overworked and losing our minds. Visit our media penthouse on the 4th floor of the Union or • E-mail ssugr1@cardiff.ac.uk • Hear us speak 029 2078 1434/6

GRiP

Monday 26/11

Fun Factory @ Solus 9pm, free. With ‘Beat the Clock’ promotions running from 9-11pm. It’s cheap, it’s free and most importantly, it’s cheerful! There we are, then.

Tuesday 27/11 Jive Hive @ Solus 9pm-1am, £2.50. Cheap booze, top choons and drunken sports people. What more can you want from a Wednesday night in the Union?

Thursday 29/11 Friday 30/11

Lashtastic @ Solus 9pm, £2. Drink-friendly cheese abounds. People drink, dance, smile and occasionally vomit. Mine’s a large one. Hammered @ Seren Las 9pm, £3. Cheap drinks and loud music. Mines a large one!

Saturday 1/12

Disco Stu @ Solus 9pm-1am. £TBC. Details not confirmed as we went to press, but probably involves silly dancing, scantily clad women and loads of booze. See you there, then.

Sunday 2/12

Java @ Seren Las (Coffee *1) 7-11pm, Free Entry. Suitably chilled Sunday shindig, with the Hustler AllStar seal of approval. Wine less than a fiver a bottle, and liquer only £1 a shot. Worth a look any day of the week. Sundays are probably best, though, as that’s when it’s on.

Clubbing Monday 26/11

Rational Thinking @ The End... 8pm-11pm. A good chance to do some rational thinking of your own, by avoiding this half-cocked drum‘n’bass toss. Big Jugs @ Bar Med ‘Til 11.30pm. Ugly, sad and single? This night’s for you! Guru Vibrations @ Berlins 9pm-2am. Soul, funk, hip-hop and, er, 80’s. NUS only. Utterly, utterly pointless. One Mission @ Cafe Calcio 8pm til late. Cracking night, cracking venue. Cheese on Toast @ Cuba 9pm-2am, Free b4 10pm. Better than Zeus. Then again, so is death by buggery. MAD @ Dylan’s 8pm-1am. Having resisted the temptation to say that you’d have to be mad to go here (get it?), I’ll just say that its full of vile, dumb-arse fuckwits. Ahh. Feeling better aleady. Exit Club 8pm. Free entry before 9.30pm. Gay venue. Chart and Dance. Original, eh? Fantasy Lounge We can no longer say anything bad against our student friends at the Fantasy Lounge who are merely earning a crust the only way that they know how. Look Mr. Blair. Can you see what us students have to do to get a degree nowadays? You should be ashamed of yourself. Not that stripping isn’t a honest profession. In fact, all you blokes that will only go home on your own after Jive, get down there immediately and help your peers to get though uni without £15,000 worth of debt. Student ‘Night Fever’ @ Flares Til 2am. £1 drinks all night. Suggs hosts edition of crap karaoke quiz show in Cardiff theme pub. Possibly.

Salsa Classes @ Latino’s Classes from 7.30pm, disco 10pm til midnight. Surprisingly good fun. All abilities catered for. Universal @ Liquid 9.30pm-2am. Student night, £1 a pint. Live Music @ The Toucan Club See Live Music. Obviously. DJ Mix Selector @ Sam’s Bar £2-£5 entry. Open deck DJ session. Like watching your annoying mate attempt to mix, but paying a fiver for the privelage! Great! Life Cafe Bar Bland house music combines with arsey dress code to produce a night of breathtaking mediocrity! Fab! Retro Night @ The Roxy Free entry. Retro music played in a club, one presumes. Oh, the joys of blatant sarcasm!

Tuesday 27/11

Electromagnetic @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9pm-2am. Positive vibe hop-hop / pre-gangster rap / battle breaks / electro funk. Absolutely splendiferous night, worth two quid of anyones money. Which is just as well, as that’s what it costs to get in! Hoochy Koochy @ The Emporium 9pm-2am, £1 b4 10pm/£2. Student madness, courtesy of the amusingly named Jockstrap 5. Salsa night @ Cuba 8pm-2am, £4. Salsa classes from 8pm, disco afterwards. Great fun with a really friendly crowd. Dylan’s Loves 80’s @ Dylan’s Free entry. Selected drinks 80p. Dylan’s may love the 80’s, but we all know that Dylan’s is a worthless wank hole! Pulse @ Zeus Worse than contracting genital warts. On your tongue. Alternative Beats @ The End... 8pm-11pm. Another night of total pish at The End, with ‘choons’ from the naffly named DJ Pete the order of the day. Free grope for all female customers optional. Exit Club 8pm. Free before 9.30pm. Gay Venue. Chart and Dance. Singles Night @ Life Looking for love? Try this. Or A Touch of Class. Fantasy Lounge Its another student service you know. 2-4-1 Night @ Flares Does what it says on the tin. Badly. Offya Face @ Metros 9pm-2am, £2 b4 10.30pm. Alternative NUS night. Its sweaty, its smelly, its dingy and its actually great fun! Karaoke @ Reds Has it really come to this? Apparently so, as the bastion of utter crap that is Reds launches a karaoke night. It is hard to think of anything worse, with the possible exception of drinking neat napalm. Or going to Zeus. Latin Dance Party @ The Toucan 8.30pm-2am. Latin music, dancing, party vibe. Obviously. Alternative @ Sam’s Bar £2 - £5. Live music from local bands plus alternative indie and retro from resident DJ’s. The Magnificent Bar @ Bar Med Everything £1.50 all night, except for a feel from the ropey office birds that populate the place, which are free. Possibly.

Wednesday 28/11

The Cheesey Club / The Milky Bar / Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9.30pm-2am. £2/£2.50 after 11pm. Tip-top jazz/funk/70’s/easy listening hybrid vibe in the bottom floor, bonzer indie shindig on the top floor, courtsey of Mr Johnny Acid. The middle floor is of use solely to (a) use the toilet or (b) get of with the ropey third year that you’ve just pulled. Student Night @ Bar Ice 9pm-2am. Late bar, drinks promotions, painfully average. Shooters and Slammers Party Night @ Bar Med Theme night, where you get to shoot the retarded fuck-wits that drink here with a large gun, then slam their heads repeatedly into the bar. Maybe. Cross the Tracks @ Cuba 9pm-2am, free entry. New(ish) night, with the Hustler seal of approval. Soul, funk and Old Skool are the order of the day. Sounds good, and the flyers are ace. Check it out. Down to It @ Berlins 9pm-2am. I’d rather not, thanks. Ever. Uni-Sex @ Club X 10pm-2am. Gay Venue. Student Night, worth a mention if only for the highly amusing name.

Toucan Acoustic Sessions @ Toucan Club 8pm-2am. Open mic, hosted by Little Miracle. Entry gets you into the chilled DJ happenings in the downstairs lounge, too. Perfect for a relaxed midweek night out. Fantasy Lounge More naked women dance for undersexed businessmen and rich students. The Boogie Box @ Flares Karaoke. ‘Nuff said. Latin Night @ Life Bar Cafe 2-4-1 drinks offers and dancing. National Student Night @ Evolution 9.30pm-2am. Carlsberg £1, all spirits £1, all other drinks £1.50. Wipeout @ Reds Bob Monkhouse hosts popular daytime quiz in Cardiff bar. Maybe. Handbag 120 @ Zeus 9pm-2am. Best avoid. Like a plague of AIDS infested rats.

Thursday 29/11

Student Night @ Bar Ice 9pm-2am. Late night bar and drinks offers. Hard House @ The End... DJ Jomec does the honours. (Get it?) Disco Inferno @ Zeus 9pm-2am, £3/£2 NUS, 70s stuff. Stand on the balcony, and watch as the club and all its clientele are engulfed in a huge ball of all consuming fire. If only.... Big In Japan @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9pm-2am. It used to be in The Model, now it’s not... it can only be the return of Big In Japan! Whilst there is no actual evidence that the night is at all popular in the Land of the Rising Sun, it certainly justifies it’s billing as ‘Cardiff’s premier Slacker night’. Eclectic without being annoying, funky without being the Toucan, this night kicks arse. Plush @ Emporium £3 /£2. Anything with a groove, says the press release, and they’re not far wrong. Sexy, sassy and really too good for a Thursday, Plush truly is a top night for those who like their R ‘n’ B, garage and house slinky and sexy. Of course, if you’re a big Sisters of Mercy fan, you should give it a miss. What A Feeling @ Flares 70’s fun and games, open til 2am. From the Hip @ Incognito 8pm-1am. House and Dance. Old School Funk @ Is It? Cafe. Bar. Place Open til 1am. Old Skool night, but you can’t wear trainers or caps. You do the math. Soul Power @ Liquid 9pm-2am. Soul and R & B, with Trevor Nelson every other week. A more extensive, and far less effective, version of Plush. Spellbound @ Metros 9pm-2am. 2-4-1 cocktails, metal early on, then indie classics. Arrive after 11pm, then, and it should be a right laugh. Hooray! Cabaret @ Minsky’s Show Bar Cabaret is the order of the day, usually courtesy of camp men dressed as women. Great fun, actually. You probably won’t be surprised to learn that Noel ‘All Man’ Sullivan of Hear’Say used to work here. Nudge nudge, wink wink etc... Student Night @ Oz Bar 9pm-1am. Dance music, £1 entry. Probably shit. Karaoke @ Reds 9pm-2am. Great. Alternative Student Night @ The Roxy 10pm-2am. Another night clinging on to the word ‘alternative’, as if it makes any piss poor cobbled together event worth a look. It doesn’t. As The Strokes sort of said, This Is Shit.

Friday 30/11

Precinct @ Clwb Ifor Bach 10pm, £8/£6. Information (07950) 345791. Splendid dancey night. Plenty of attitude, thankfully all good. Tonight, we get the frankly crotch moistening combination of Scratch Perverts and Andrew Weatherall! Bar 150 @ Zeus 9pm-3am. Favourite party choons and games. One bomb is all it would take, kids. You’d surely become a martyr.... US Garage @ The End... 8pm-11pm, With DJ Gavin. Great. Fever @ Barfly DJ Mike with a selection of indie classics. Not bad at all, actually. Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Turntables @ Berlins 8pm-2am. Chart, garage and R&B. No trainers, no atmosphere, no real point in going.

Get There

Foreplay @ Club X 10pm-3am. Gay Venue. Chart and ‘pumping’ house. Do gay people in Cardiff only like chart and fucking house? It would appear so. Weekend Madness @ Cuba Til 2am. Red hot Latin grooves, by all accounts. Big Bash @ Dylan’s Smart dress code, expensive drinks and duff music. Enjoy. Chaos @ Metros 9pm-3am, alternative student night. No dress code, cheap booze and good tunes. ROAR @ Evolution 9pm-4am. £10 or £8 NUS. Brash and brassy house night, with a liberal sprinkling of garage. Graham Gold, Corvin Dalek and Charlotte Birch do the business this week. Cool House @ Las Iguanas 9pm-1am. US & UK house. Funky, if a little cramped, house night. Not quite up to scratch as a club venue, but as a stop off en route to somewhere bigger, this fits the bill perfectly. Exit Club 8pm, free entry before 9.30pm. Gay Venue. Commercial chart and dance. Again! PLAY SOME DIFFERENT SODDING MUSIC! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Get Down and Groove @ Flares Til 2am. Funky disco, by all accounts. Moda @ Rajah’s 8.30pm-midnight. Groovy pre-club night. Self styled Cardiff ‘legend’ Dave Grooveslave does his bit. Which isn’t necessarily a recommendation. Twin Scene @ Reds No denim, no trainers, no-one under 21, no good music. Perfect, then, for the type of wankers that frequent hell holes like Reds. Not such a tasty proposition for the rest of us. Heavy Metal @ The Roxy 10pm-4am. £5. Unsurprisingly, heavy metal. The Mothership Convention @ The Toucan 8pm-2am. Live funk, and mixing madness courtesy of Kris Jenkins, Bones and Dave Grooveslave. Well good, actually. This week, D’Booga run the show, with ‘the most chilled out funk in the galaxy’. There we are, then!

Saturday 1/12

Fever @ Barfly 10.30pm-2am. Indie classics and lager. Expect a lot of contrived ‘dancing’ and that not very funny Limp Bizkit version of Faith. Not at all bad, though. Deliciously Wicked @ Berlins 8pm-2am. Yet another R&B/Garage night, with trainers outlawed as usual. Great. Deep Heat @ Club X 10pm-4am. £4-£7. Gay venue. 6 rooms, 3 floor balcony, games room & garden terrace. Well worth a look! The Big Party @ Dylan’s 8pm-1am. The party sounds like a great idea. Sadly, it’s in Dylan’s. Funky Techno @ The End... 8pm-11pm, with One Mission DJ’s. At last! A night at The End that isn’t shit! The ever reliable One Mission crew do what they do best – make people smile and dance! The Betty Ford Guest List @ Metros 9pm-3am, £3 b4 10.30pm. Top alternative night, with tunes courtesy of the great and the good of Cardiff’s indie scene. More leftfield than other Metros nights, the crowd and the music are slightly older and slightly cooler. Still a bit smelly, though. Weekend Madness @ Bar Cuba 10pm-2am. £2/£4. DJ Andy Loveless. Twin Scene @ Reds Same as Friday, only more expensive! Hooray! Glam Night @ The Roxy

10pm-4am. £5. Expect an orgy of all things glam. Apart from Gary Glitter, of course. And Jonathan King. Or that bloke from Slade. World Party @ The Toucan Club 8pm-2am. £7. Bossa Cuca Nova featuring Roberto Menescal, legendary Brazilian musician. A bit of a coup, this one, as this is his only Welsh date on the whole of his European tour. The price may seem a bit steep at first glance, but it’s going to be well worth it. Desire @ Zeus 9pm-3am. Try as I might, I could find no words to convey the utter, undiluted horror that is Saturday night at Zeus. More terrible than any evil you care to mention, it manages to be even worse than Zeus on a Friday. Which says it all, really.

Live Music Last week saw Westlife achieve their 9th number one single, Robbie Williams sell 79,000 copies of his new tossrag covers album and Mick Jagger’s excellent new solo effort fail to make the Top 40. Things really are in a pretty bad way in Planet Pop. And so, people, I urge each and every one of you to go out today and listen to some GOOD live music. Because, people, I have a dream where one day, people will be free to shoot human detritus like Atomic Kitten.... (Enough. ED)

Monday 26/11

Lift to Experience + The Deviacs @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9.00pm, £d adv. Indie fun and games at Clwb Ifor tonight, which is a round-about way of saying that I know arse all about either of the bands playing. Could be great, could be awful, could be average. Could also be a desperate attempt on my part to fill up a bit of space. Which, in all honesty, it is! Jazz Attic @ Cafe Jazz 8.00pm, £1.50. Open mic for Jazz players, with resident rhythm section. Whether you use your fingers, blow, suck or just like to watch, you’ll be welcomed with open arms. Possibly.

Tuesday 27/11

Atlas + Talisman + Support @ Sam’s Bar 8pm. £TBC I cannot urge you strongly enough to go to this gig. The criminally underrated Atlas top the bill, with their perfectly judged retro-wistfullness. A rarity by virtue of having tunes, being able to play their instruments well and being nice to boot, tonight should be a hoot. If you fancy a taster before hand, then you could do worse than pick up their new album as well, out now on Black Dog recordings. The Buy As You View Cory Brass Band @ Welsh College of Music and Drama 8.pm. £5 / £3. Adv tickets available. Surely worth going to just for the name of the band. Manfreds & Blues Band @ Coal Exchange 7.30pm. £17 The price tag is a pretty hefty one, but the night should be a good one. The Manfreds are the new(ish) moniker of 60’s mainstays Manfred Man, who have appeared in more line ups than than your average So Solid Crew member. The songs are still ace, though, and at no time does it feel like one of those awful Sixties package concerts that are forever on at St Davids Hall. The Scott Hamilton Quartet @ St. David’s Hall 8pm. £8 Jazz, nice etc... Sir Alan’s Jazz Band @ Cafe Jazz

9pm, £3.50 Tonights show was billed, somewhat alarmingly, as Sir Alan’s Jizz Band on a Cardiff listings website. Now that really would have been worth £3......

Wednesday 28/11

Sam Semple + Guests @ The Toucan Club 8pm, £3 / £2 If previous efforts are anything to go by, tonight should be a suitably chilled affair, the perfect alternative to the rather more boisterous indie shenanigans at Clwb Ifor. Blue Coup @ Cafe Jazz 8pm. £2. Sankta Lucia Procession & Scandinavian Xmas Concert @ The Norwegian Curch Arts Centre. 7.30pm. £7 / £5 Having attended a similar thing to this last year, I can safely say that its truly magical. The setting is pure Christmas fantasy, and the music a real treat. Different though it may be, it should still be absolute class. Honestly!

Thursday 29/11

The Amigos @ Mulligans 8pm, FREE. The debate still rages as to whether or not this pisspoor covers combo really deserves to be classified as ‘music’ at all. Still, keen to fulfil our role as a public service publication, it is our duty to tell you that its on. Its also our duty to tell you that it sucks arse. Jimjam Jam Session @ The Royal Oak, Broadway 8pm, FREE. Tip-top open mic night, at the coolest pub in the whole of Cardiff. The pub is like a museum, the beer is cheap and tasty, and the music simply marvellous. Go! Harry Beckett @ Cafe Jazz 7.30pm, £7 / £5. Rachel Marie Kimber @ Jumpin’ Jacks 11pm. £TBC An evening with this talented acoustic singer songwriter would be twice as appealing if it wasn’t in Jumpin’ Jacks. Still, as long as the beered up regulars can keep their arses shut, should be good. Sloan @ Barfly 9pm. £3 Taplas presents @ The Norwegian Church Arts Centre 8pm. £6.50 Bonzer folk stuff from the legendary cardiff mag, Taplas.

Friday 30/11

Pulse @ The Wharf 8pm, FREE. Mothership Convention @ The Toucan Club 8pm, £5 / £5.50 D’Booga tonight, with ‘the most chilled out funk in the galaxy’. Sounds okay to me! Stan Webb’s Chicken Shack @ The Point 7.30pm, £10.

Saturday 1/12

Marlborough Pad @ The Wharf 8pm, FREE. World Party @ The Toucan Club 8pm, £5 / £5.50 Usually splendid. Listings unavailable as we went to press, but if you’ve been before and liked it, its probably worth another go!

Sunday 2/11

Acoustic Jam @ The Toucan Club

8pm, FREE. A chance for all budding songsters to get up and show off their wares, which is decidedly a good thing. Alternatively, a chance for talentless twats to play ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ badly, which clearly isn’t.

Societies

It’s great! It’s free! It’s (sort of) new! It’s the societies listings bit! Feel free to send any listings to the Gair Rhydd office via email, post or (if you’re feeling really brave) in person.

Ski and Snowboard Club

EVERY MONDAY Meet at the back of the Union at 5.40pm for training and lessons. All welcome, but please sign up on the noticeboard first. EVERY TUESDAY Holiday bookings taken in the Meeting Rooms from 6.30pm to 7.30pm.

Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Society

EVERY WEDNESDAY Come along to the weekly meeting, in meeting room three of the Student’s Union. Things start at 8.30pm. For more info email lgb@cf.ac.uk

Dancesport

EVERY TUESDAY Lessons take place in Solus. Advanced / Intermediate: 6pm-7pm. Beginners: 7.10pm-8.30pm.

SHAG Drop In

MONDAY, TUESDAY & FRIDAY 1pm-4pm in the Student Volunteering Centre.

Gair Rhydd

ALL DAY, EVERY DAY! Come and write for Gair Rhydd, and let your long suffering Sections Editor get some sleep. Feel free to pop in and see us in out Media Penthhouse, armed with booze and Pro-Plus. Seriously, meeting times 2.15pm on Wednesdays for GRiP and 1.15pm on Mondays for News, Sport and Features.

People and Planet Society

Campaigning for human, animal and environmental rights, plus occasional minibus trips. Meetings every Monday 7pm, TV lounge, 3rd floor of the Union. Email PeopleandPlanet@Cardiff.ac.uk Everyone welcome. www.peopleandplanet.org.

Commercial Services Decison Group

Alex Molokwu will be introducing a Commercial Leisure Decision Group for students to discuss the Union’s commercial areas and issues. At present, there’s no forum for students to respond and comment upon the commercial services they are receiving. Anyone can attend, and the first date will be Thursday 22 November at 5pm-6pm in the Council Room. It will be fortnightly, giving students a say on how their Union’s commercial services are run. Unfortunately, Alex’s foresight and planning does not match the smooth running of Gair Rhydd, and therefore you may have noticed that November 22nd was last week. Therefore, you’ve missed the meeting. Rubbish. However, if you fancy having a say in how Solus, the Taf and the other commercial services in the Union are run, then email Alex on MolokwuA@Cardiff.ac.uk for more information.

Still showing at cinemas across Cardiff

AMERICAN PIE II Starring: Jason Biggs, Shannon Elizabeth, Alyson Hannigan Cert: 15 After the multi-million pound success of American Pie, they had to bring the whole team back again. AP2 covers the same sort of ground as the first one, but did manage to make me laugh out loud at points and is worth a viewing on a wet Cardiff afternoon.

GRiP

LEGALLY BLONDE Starring: Robert Luketic, Reece Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Selma Blair Cert: 12 When she is ditched by her boyfriend for being too dippy, Elle decides to prove him and anyone who ever made a blonde joke wrong and join Harvard Law. Not realistic – we all know that whilst blonde chicks are good looking, there isn’t much upstairs.

OSMOSIS JONES Starring: Chris Rock, Bill Murray, David Hyde, Laurence Fishburne Cert: PG The Farrelly Brothers bring us a movie mixed between live animation starring Bill Murray and animation starring Chris Rock. Basically the animated part is set inside Bill Murray, an ill zoo-worker and Osmosis Jones must save him. Sounds very educational.

THE OTHERS Starring: Nicole Kidman, Fionnula Flanagan, Chris Eccleston Cert: 12 Nicole’s next big thing after the run-away success of Moulin Rouge. Your basic ghost story in a big old scary house here. Some scenes are very “I see dead people” in style, but Nicole does the part justice with her performance.

THE ANIMAL Starring: Rob Schneider, Colleen Haskell, John McGinley, Michael Caton Cert: 12 A policeman who is killed on active duty is found by Dr Frankenstein type character who uses animal parts to create his monster. Enter Schneider as the half man, half animal (and almost every animal at that). Sounds like one to see the day when hell freezes over.

artsreviews

King of the Boogie Blues Jools Holland, the king of all that is funky and middle-aged, wows Lizzie Brown with his Rhythm and Blues orchestra Jools Holland & His Rhythm and Blues Orchestra St. Davids Hall

orchestra alone now comprises of 16 members, including the legendary Rico Rodreguez (every bit the chilled out Jamaican we all aspire to), but this record is made by its collaborations with other legends from the music industry. Everyone from Jamiroquai, Paul Weller, Eric Clapton, Sting, NORMALLY COME to write these Wales’ very own ‘Phonics and Sam Brown pieces with some randomly scribbled get a look in. Sam Brown? I hear you notes about the various attributes, be wonder. She may not have the inimitable they positive or negative, of the place in music history, but has one of the play/concert/panto in question, but with best voices I have ever heard. With mindJoolsy, the best part was that we were so bogglingly power, she and Jools performed busy boogie-woogieing down by the stage their waltz, written by them both in a postthat your critic had no opportunity to sit on Valentines drinking session. The style of true her bum and do the only thing she usually genius’. Another shout-out must go to the does. Criticise. grooviest drummer in the business – Gilson It must then be concluded that while your Lavis is the backbone to the whole show, but lifts the Jools Holland and his roof with his solo piece – Rhythm and Blues the energy there was enough to light up Cardiff Orchestra have more over Christmas. soul and guts than ever But that’s what these guys are all about – no second rate, half-hearted pansying about on critic is now collecting her (meagre) stage, worrying about their co-ordinated redundancy cheque, Jools and his intrepid outfits from Topshop or if their lyrics are crazy partners in Rhythm and Blues are enough and their spikes sharp enough to successfully employed bringing smiles and frighten 10 year olds into buying their records. fun to music halls throughout the country. Jools Holland and his Rhythm and Blues And so they damn well should be, with a Orchestra have more soul and guts than ever, stonker of a show promoting their latest and it has to be said, the world might just not album Small World Big Band. This is Jools’ be big enough for them any more. biggest and most exciting project yet; his

Forest of Foreplay ROBIN HOOD, PRINCE OF SLEAZE Act One Great Hall IN HOT PURSUIT of all the best theatre and dance in Cardiff, Arts were allowed the sneakiest of previews into what those disgustingly dirty Act Oners have got in store for this years pantomime. Promising to be bigger, better and saucier than ever, I can hereby reveal that Robin Hood, Prince of Sleaze, is all of the above and a whole lot more. Its got everything a half decent panto needs – for the girlies there’s the prospect of laughing your tits off at sheep shagging jokes with Robbie’s right hand man, but who is by no means outshone by Robbie himself – he can prance around in tight velvet pants and be all heroic and grrrrrrrr-factor for two hours

for me any day of the week. Blokes get an equally arousing time of it – Marian would not have many refusals to her coy request “Do you want to shag me tonight”, and the SheSheriff (for our postmodern age) offers to whip you all senseless. The accompanying dance acts are sensational, and I hear they’re wearing little more than bin-bag boob tubes and fuck-me boots. What more can I say? For the next best thing to rumpy-pump, Robin Hood, Prince of Sleaze is unbeatable. The filthiest Santa in the history of Christmas, the most chilled out poo-nosed Rudolph, and a curiously sexy, hilariously funny cross dressing nanny (cor, that’s a mouthful) are a MUST SEE. If you don’t get yours and all your housemates arses down to the Great Hall, which incidently has got the bar going with £1.20 a pint drinks, on any day from this Monday to Saturday at 7.30pm, I’ll set ze Nazi bitch Hunglebert on you – and believe me, her torture sessions will leave all your vitals wankered for life.

N ONE WEEKS time the political comedian, Mark Thomas, will be bringing his stand-up show to Cardiff’s Sherman Theatre. As a satirist and political campaigner, Thomas attracts a devout following and this is likely to be a very popular event, particularly among students. His performance consists of an original blend of comedy pranks and investigative journalism. He describes it as, “like Noel Edmond’s ‘Gotcha’, only my victims won’t be laughing at the end of it.” Thomas’ aim is not only to entertain, but also to inform. His show is a means of placing the spotlight firmly on the hypocrisies of those in power. This usually involves directly targeting the governments and big businesses that are perpetrating these injustices. Thomas is often asked whether he feels the comedy element of his show might trivialise the serious message he is trying to get across. Quite rightly, he replies that often humour can be the most effective medium with which to educate. For Thomas, comedy is a subversive tool used to insight change. Even if you do not agree with all of his policies, you can at least respect him for his conviction. In apathetic times, this comes as a refreshing change. Thomas is most widely known for his show on Channel 4, The Mark Thomas Comedy Product. In its six series’ the programme has tackled a diverse array of controversial issues – from the Nestle baby milk scandal, to the international sanctions choking Iraq and the privacy infringement of the ‘Data Protection Act’ in Britain. Thomas comes across as a very down to earth and self-deprecating man and these topics are not chosen because they are fashionable. He is not just bundling onboard the latest bandwagon in order to promote his own image like many a celebrity. Instead, he seems to have a genuine desire to do some good by highlighting injustices from all around the world. At the time of going to press, it is unclear precisely what the content of Mark Thomas’ show will be. However, we can be sure that he will not shy away from the

topic of Afghanistan. Having read an article he wrote for the ‘New Statesman’ in October, it is also clear that Thomas will not be pulling any punches in his treatment of Dubbya’s ‘War on Terrorism.’ Thomas describes Osama Bin Laden as, “just another armed bastard, paid for by American tax dollars, who turned to bite the hand that fed him”. Not unlike Saddam Hussein then? And General Pinochet? And the rebels in Angola? East Timor? El Salvador?… The AngloAmerican ‘War on Terrorism’ is seeped in shameful double standards and Mark Thomas is here to remind us of it. Do not be put off because you feel you may not know enough about current affairs. Thomas’ primary objective is to inform, and he is also a very funny man. So, if you would like to have your brain teased while your ribcage is tickled, then make sure you do not miss his show. Ben Hammond

Product Placement

filminternational film festival wales

Up and Coming Gair Rhydd Film Desk take an indepth look at three of the films appearing in this years International Film Festival Wales. All three are being screened this week, so it is your chance to lap up some culture here in your very own university city...

Firefly Dreams

IREFLY DREAMS is the first feature film by John Williams. Set in central Japan, it tells the story of rebellious seventeen year old Naomi. Her life in the city of Nagoya revolves around skipping school, avoiding her quarrelling parents, going to her favourite club with her friends and dancing the night away. Needless to say this doesn’t help her relationship with her parents. When her mother runs off with a new man, Naomi is shipped off to her aunt’s country inn to work for the summer. This is her worst nightmare, and she does her best not to be happy there and to be nasty to just about everybody. She ends up looking after the elderly Mrs Kiode, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. It turns out that as a child Naomi spent many happy summers at Mrs Kiode’s house, but agrees only to escape the Inn. Thus follows the inevitable bonding between the pair as they spend most of their time together. Naomi aims to find out more about Mrs Kiode, who was a beautiful woman, and much pursued, in her younger days. She is intrigued as to why the elderly lady’s reputation was tarnished. There is a sub-plot involving Naomi and the local delivery boy who seduces her and this intertwines with the main relationship between the two women bringing them closer together. It also makes them realise how similar they are to each other. Firefly Dreams is a very watchable film. The story is easy to follow and the characters are realistic and believable. The story could have been transferred easily to a Western production, and having a British writer and director probably goes some way to explaining this. The reason it is so watchable is because it is a familiar concept and has been done many times before, teen angst Japanese style. The opening scene is like a mix between the modernity of Clueless and the Molly Ringwald character from The Breakfast Club, with the Dawson’s Creek background music over the top. Obviously, though, being set in Japan does distinguish it from these films, with the differing language, values and traditions, and the bonus of the beautiful Japanese countryside. This is definitely a good film to watch to ease yourself into subtitled Japanese (or any language) films. Its simple story and likeable older characters make for pleasant viewing. Catherine Williams

Silent Cry

AVING NEVER heard of Silent Cry I thought it would make a nice change from the ‘know the story before you even go in’ movies. I was pleasantly surprised when the opening credits revealed the names Emily Woof, Douglas Henshall (excellent in Breaking The Waves) and Craig Kelly (Queer As Folk). Perhaps this would be a hidden gem of a movie. Perhaps not. The warning signs flashed within the first five minutes. Rachel (Emily Woof) is nine months pregnant. She decides this will be a good time to hold the opening party for her new clothes shop (I allow a brief ‘suspension of disbelief’ moment). As the party finishes Rachel goes into labour. She has a baby boy named Charlie, but as his father is a.w.o.l Rachel

worries that she may not be able to cope. Waking in the night Rachel decides she needs to see Charlie. Friendly cleaner Daniel (Douglas Henshall) directs Rachel to the baby unit where she spies Dr. Herd (Inspector Morse’s Kevin Whately) removing an identity tag from a baby’s ankle. So far, so ITV drama. When Rachel is informed that Charlie has died she is not convinced and, instead of being upset, goes on a quest to find him. It is at this point that I begin to question where the film is trying to take the viewer. Emotional drama about the loss of a child this is not. The most accurate label I can give Silent Cry is a thriller, but, sadly, this is where the film falls apart. It is so intent on getting the story going that it forgets all about developing its characters. Rachel didn’t seem too bothered when she thought Charlie was dead, and so what on earth motivates her to risk her life finding him? I could forgive lack of character development in return for a bit of excitement, but the ‘thrills’ amount to people running down streets in the dark, accompanied by thumping music and swearing a lot. The film, like many other recent British thrillers, tries so hard to appeal to the action loving audience that it loses sight of where its real strengths lie. Replace a few of the crappy chase sequences with gentle handling of the serious issues, and you could have something that people both care about and are excited by. It is annoying to see such a waste of talent. The cast, in the limited roles they are given, are totally believable, and I am convinced some serious drama (the storylines are there somewhere) could have been played out perfectly. The only thing that remains a mystery to me is the title. The best I can do is hope it’s all a silly in-joke, and that it’s a sly reference to the decent film scrabbling to get out from beneath all the ‘audience pleasing’ crap. For the sake of the film-makers I hope so. Fergus Cooper

Fatigue

ITCHELL WILLOWS (Mark Faiers) is trapped in the inescapable sess-pit of the Cardiff criminal Underworld – yes, that’s right, we have an underworld. His attempts to go straight have systematically failed him and the woman he loves has left him and moved to London. He is alone in a seedy flat, save for a selection of strobe lights and a disturbing range of mannequins. When a homeless woman, in fetching pink peddle-pushers, steals his television – apparently the only thing he owns which is more than 75p – Mitchell bites the bullet and re-joins his old associates in an illfated delivery job. Stripped of his ability to watch Eastenders, Willows participates in a series of undisclosed exchanges; culminating in his discovery of a severed finger and a shed-load of diamonds. Armed with the precious stones and fleeing a group of bad guys, whom this reviewer is almost positive were once in Right Said Fred, Mitchell tracks down his ex-girlfriend Rachel (Sophie Coryndon). It is easy to assume that this film is a lot worse than it actually is. While the script is fairly ropey, it could have been greatly improved if any of the main characters had been played by professional actors rather than the filmmaker’s themselves. However, even this would be less of a constraint on the movie’s overall quality, if the budget were of a reasonable size, but from the overall aesthetic, I estimate that Fatigue cost less to put together than a paper hat. Of particular concern is the film’s misplaced emphasis on bloodshed. The lack of cash-flow manifests itself whenever a character is shot – producing an effect which indicates that the cast and crew have gone a bit over the top on the paintball circuit. Little effort is made by Faiers, who also directs, to establish any sympathy for his character’s motives. The audience is thrown in at the deep end, with no sense or context or justification. The consequences of this are contradictory. The positive by-product is that it prevents the story from adopting a moralistic tone and provides it with a depth and courage lacking in a lot of British films, but conversely, it runs the risk of alienating the viewers from Mitchell and rendering the whole affair somewhat pointless.

w w w . i f f w . c o . u k

Furthermore, there are a few flaws in the film’s logic. For a start, Mitchell only seems to stay alive by virtue of the ineptitude of those who are pursuing him – all of whom seem to have learned to fire a gun at the David Blunkett school of marksmanship. For all this however, having spoken with the creators of the film, I feel I now have a better conception of what they were attempting to do. An admirable sense of ambition and a determination to make their mark on the film industry on their own terms, firmly stamps their irreverent signature across the script and, in particular, the surprisingly dark ending. Overall, an unapologetic attempt to draw attention to a controversial theme and to secure financing for future cinematic venture. Claire Malcolm

Fatigue - An Interview

T’S ANOTHER ordinary morning in the Gair Rhydd offices. As commentary and reviews of the highest standards flow ceaselessly from the minds and keyboards of the dedicated staff, our faithful editor checks her mail, sifting through updates from her fanclub and job offers from Fleet Street. Suddenly, she lets out a scream, hurling a jiffy envelope to the floor. A tirade of expletives reveals that Mark Faiers, the director of this month’s Fatigue has employed a unique marketing method to draw our attention to his new film. “Yeah, the severed finger was my idea. It comes up in the film and I hoped it would raise a bit of curiosity about it”. Well, mission accomplished but perhaps the chicken bone wedged firmly in the prosthetic offering was a mite unnecessary. There is not much Faiers would fail to do to secure promotion for his first feature film. After all, he has devoted the past five years of their lives to its completion. “We literally finished it three weeks ago. The money just kept getting used up. We just had to keep stopping every couple of months, until we could get some more money together”. Any suggestions that a more conventional entry into the industry may have saved a little time are gently rebuffed. “You can always work from the bottom up – start as a runner for the first ten years – but we all felt a bit old for that. We just didn’t want to go through it”, he explains. “Besides”, adds Faiers, “To really make a break you need friends and relatives in certain positions so the nepotism can kick in. We didn’t have any of that, so it was a question of going for it ourselves”. This self-assured ambition allowed the three to draw on their own experiences and delve into a genre which some critics may suggest has become saturated in recent years. Again Faiers is keen to defend this decision. “We started filming two years before Lock Stock... came out most of our footage was actually shot by the end of the first but we couldn’t afford to get all the rushes back. By the time we finished Fatigue, Gangster movies had really taken off over here”. Mark, who studied Fine Art at Newport College, hopes the emphasis on fast-editing and visceral action sequences has helped elevate this feature above the competition, and is confident that the plot veers away from predictability, “Right from the beginning, we decided it was going to be really downbeat – none of the usual hero stuff” Fatigue is due to make its big screen debut at the Chapter Arts Centre on 23rd of this month, but the man behind the movie is by no means satisfied with this limited exposure. “If it plays as well in other places as it seems to have done here, then we hope to take it around the world to other festivals and try and launch some deal from it”. Claire Malcolm

08.10.01

filminternational film festival wales

All the fun of the festival

As the International film community descend on our little town in the heart of the Wales, Gair Rhydd Film Desk take a look at what is on offer this year. We have the timetable for the rest of the 13th International Film Festival Wales as well as sneak reviews of some of what’s on offer and a couple of interviews. Over the next two weeks we will bring you reviews from the films showing, but why don’t you get on down there yourselves and see what is going on in Cardiffwood?

OR THE last 13 years Cardiff has played host to the annual International Film Festival Wales. This year, with new partners and a new venue, the plush UGC cinema, the festival organisers hope to make 13 a lucky number. "The festival represents an important opportunity not only for the public to see quality films but also for the Capital City of Wales to demonstrate its creative credentials", says the Lord Mayor of Cardiff, Russell Goodway. It is true that the festival is a boost for the city, bringing international recognition to Wales and the Welsh Film Industry. "The film festival’s range of top-class films and events further enhances Cardiff’s reputation as one of the leading centres of arts and culture in the UK", Goodway continues. This year there are films to suit every taste, from funny films like Mad Dogs, through to the controversial As The Beast Sleeps. "There are films in the programme which won’t otherwise be seen by audiences in Wale s and in some cases even the UK", comments the Festival Director, David Clarke. The Welsh Film Industry is showcased at the festival with a number of new films from the veterans of the industry and the newcomer. Fatigue (interview and review on opposite page) is a classic "made on a shoestring but got there in the end" film that premieres at the festival. There is also animation with a number of world premieres, starting with Metropolis, in the Manga style. The dedication and creativity of the festival team is praised by it’s Chairman, Clive Jones, "I hope that the festival programme which the team have put together demonstrates exactly this commitment and creativity and to the talent of the film industry". Jonathan Steven

R a t s o n t h e ru n Director Interview: Paul Brannigan

IRECTOR AND WRITER Paul Brannigan came to the Gair Rhydd office to discuss and his first feature film comedy, ‘Labrats’, which premieres this Thursday at Chapter. The films centres around three small time crooks, desperate to escape their frustrating and unfulfilled lives. The three plot to kidnap some valuable lab rats and extort a £2 million ransom from the firm. ADRIAN EVERETT grabs a few minutes from Paul Brannigan and asks the questions that nobody else dared. Were the mice easier to work with than real actors? They were very difficult, which is probably why there haven’t been many films with mice in. They wanted Mars bars and Snickers in their

cages, and we had to get a wheel for each of them. There were some prima donnas among them. The film is described as a ‘modern Ealing comedy’. Which films influenced your writing and directing? I am a big fan of Ealing comedies. It was a time when we had a distinctive British voice in comedy which we don’t have so much now. The film ‘Man Bites Dog’ was also an influence. In ‘Labrats’ the film crew also become characters in the film as it develops. Has working in the theatre been a help in directing a feature film? Yes, we used digital tape so could work with actors in the same way as in the theatre. We could have more takes and improvise more, and the actors had a chance to experiment more than usual. What made you choose Llangollen in North Wales as a location? Llangollen hasn’t been used much as a location for films until now. The central location is a log cabin, which is in a secluded valley just outside Llangollen. It was perfect and had a timeless appeal. I didn’t want people to see the film as being from one particular era. About 95% of the film is shot on location here in Wales, mainly at Llangollen,

making the IFFW here in Cardiff the ideal place to premiere it. What is your favourite scene from the film? It is hard to choose but one of them is the scene where Jake, Tony and Simon are skint and waiting for the ransom in the cabin and play card games for biscuits. They start arguing whether a Jaffa Cake is worth more than a Rich Tea. Which actors did you most enjoy working with? Among the voices, meeting Norman Wisdom was a great thing. Also Martin Clunes was a really nice, and Donald Sinden has been on the screen for many years. Check out the website and if you like what you see then get down to Chapter on Thursday.

www.labrats.co.uk

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY THURSDAY

HUSH! 18.30 @ UGC Dir: Hashiguchi Ryosuke What is the meaning of life in this crazy upside-down world of contemporary Japan?

THE BOY WHO SAW THE WIND 18.30 @ UGC Dir: Kazuki Omori Beautifully drawn animation - based on cult author C.W.Nicol’s novel.

ATANARJUAT, THE FAST RUNNER 14.30 @ CHAPTER Dir: Zacharias Kunuk The great discovery at this year's Cannes Film Festival, winning the best first feature.

THE DOE BOY 18.30 @ UGC Dir: Randy Redroad Hunter is a half Cherokee Indian, 18 years old, who can't live up to his own name.

FIREFLY DREAMS 18.30 @ UGC Dir: John Williams Welsh-born director John Williams presents the vivid contrasts of modern Japan - see main review.

DIRT FOR DINNER [DRECKFRESSER] 19.00 @ UGC Dir: Branwen Okpako Documentary feature which reconstructs the extraordinary life of a young man who in 1990 became the symbol of a liberal and open new Germany.

SILENT GRACE 19.00 @ UGC Dir: Maeve Murphy The story of an unlikely friendship between Aine, a wild-child joy rider and Eileen, a Republican prisoner. BATON WARS 19.30 @ CHAPTER The National Sound and Screen Archive of Wales take up the baton with some muscial films. MONSOON WEDDING 20.30 @ UGC Dir: Mira Nair A romantic comedy about an arranged marriage in New Delhi. ALONE 21.00 @ UGC Dir: Philip Claydon A fear movie screaming at you with a visceral cinematic force that elevates the genre into a new stratosphere of terror.

POLLOCK 19.00 @ UGC Dir: Ed Harris The life and work of Pollock is brought back to life on another canvas, the cinema screen, by actor-painter Ed Harris. ELDRA 19.00 @ CHAPTER 20.30 @ CHAPTER Dir: Tim Lyn Eldra, a gypsy girl, comes to stay with her grandparents in Bethesda. RAIN 20.30 @ UGC Dir: Christine Jeffs Rain tells the story of Jane's transition from girl to woman. MAD DOGS 21.00 @ UGC Dir: Ahmed A. Jamal Mad Dogs is a comedy of the apocalypse - 1950's sci-fi mixed with Hammer horror and Ealing Studios comedy.

COOL AND CRAZY 19.00 @ CHAPTER Dir: Knut Erik Jensen 'The best movie about music since Buena Vista Social Club' The Guardian. COMPASSIONATE SEX 20.30 @ UGC Dir: Laura Mana Boredom, lust and religious indolence reign in a sleepy, colourless Mexican village - see main review. SILENT CRY 21.00 @ UGC Dir: Julian Richards A return to the festival with an exploration of the darker side of human nature - see main review.

LABRATS 20.15 @ CHAPTER Dir: Paul Brannigan Quirky situations, warm characters and gentle satire - Labrats is a modern tale in old-fashioned comedy style. NIGHTSHIFT 20.30 @ UGC Dir: Phillippe Le Guay A tense and intriguing psychological drama.

BOOKING LINES Chapter: 02920 304400 UGC: 0870 9070739

08.10.01

filmreviews/competition/profile

It’s all me, me, me ME WITHOUT YOU Starring: Anna Friel, Kyle MacLachlan, Anna Popplewell Dir: Sandra Goldbacher 12, 102 mins

HE POSTER for this movie contains the caption, "Who needs enemies when you’ve got a best friend?’, which is the basic storyline wrapped around a sort of age format. Anna Friel plays Marina, a beautiful but insecure teenager with a rather unconventional mother (played by Trudie Styler). Her next door neighbour is her best friend, Holly, played by Michelle Williams. Holly is the supposedly less attractive bookish one (cue lots of clumsiness, intelligent talk etc). However, in true Hollywood style they couldn’t actually bring themselves to cast an unattractive actress to play her, so there is a suspension of disbelief throughout the film that Holly is in fact gorgeous. The film is set at first in 1973 and then picks up in 1978, 1982, 1989 and 2001. Each era is complete with the suitable music, clothes, drugs and politics of the time, which is entertaining in itself. At first it’s a little difficult to accept Anna

Friel prancing around declaring her love for The Clash rather than Gucci, but after a while it becomes vaguely convincing. The film starts with the girls making a pact to stay best friends forever; a promise they find increasingly difficult to keep. Whilst Marina dominates Holly and controls her every move, Holly is subservient to Marina, who spends the majority of the film looking like she should be in Absolutely Fabulous or attending a Manics convention. Then there’s Holly’s love interest, a certain Oliver Milburn (you’ll recognise him from featuring in every BBC period drama to date, as the attractive suitor) playing Nat, but just to complicate matter further, he’s also Marina’s brother. The film continues into Uni where Holly briefly falls for her older English lecturer. This leads to various complications, again at the hands of the possessive Marina, together with two very similar identity crises. The film is only a 15 despite explicit use and references to hard drugs, sex and rock n roll. But since when did film certificates make sense anyway? It’s like a feel-good version of Heavenly Creatures (it even has the same bath scene minus the references to killing mummy’s) or perhaps a less feel-good version of Now and Then.

The cast is great, the music is great and it’s more contemplative than the first 15 minutes might suggest. It might not be the most incredibly subtle of films, but for all of us English freshers, after spending 3 weeks studying Henry James’s irritatingly ambiguous Turn of the Screw, it’s a very welcome break. Eleri Lloyd.

Where are all the ghosts?

GHOST WORLD Starring: Thora Birch, Scarlett Johansson, Steve Buscemi, Brad Renfro Dir: Terry Zwigoff 15, 111 mins

es that is American Beauty, Thora Birch, you see in the lead role of troubled teen Enid in this film, and no this isn’t another scary picture like the Hole, with her playing some sort of criminally insane young lady. What we seem to have here is an

attempt at sophisticated black comedy disguised as some sort of teen flick. The title implies a supernatural presence but may merely refer to the way the two angst ridden, completely antagonistic leads trail, mock and torture their unwitting victims; for example this lonely, senile old man who perpetually waits for a bus that never arrives. It could also possibly be an indication of how Enid reflects on the emptiness her life; parents she doesn’t relate to, a future she cannot come to a decision about, and a sarcastic wit that distances her from all those around. Having unfortunately missed the first few minutes of the film due to a scheduling error, I was left in a kind of haze before actually

Actor Profile: Steve Buscemi

ello Mr Pink! The over-talkative, overanalytical goon from Reservoir Dogs, Steve Buscemi, is starring in this week’s release of the cinematic version of cult comic Ghostworld. And although his role as, Seymour, couldn’t be further away from some of the outspoken and sometime rowdy roles he’s played amongst his impressive array of 75 film appearances, he still remains true to the sarcastic undertones of most of his characters! Buscemi was born on the 13th December 1957 in Brooklyn, as his broad accent shows, and began acting in his last year at high school, though only on a small scale. Before his career took off he was, wait for it, an ice cream man. This was followed by a four-year stint from 198084 as a NYC fire fighter. A role he was sadly to reprise a few weeks ago following the September 11 disaster, when he volunteered anonymously to help search the extensive debris for missing members of the force.

Movie man Bill Sherwood gave him his first big screen role in the 1986 film Parting Glances; here he played Nick the pop songwriter unfortunately dying of AIDS. This role jumpstarted his acting career and led to other work in such diverse films as Vibes (1988) and Barton Fink (1991). The first really meaty role he earned that got him the recognition he deserved was, yes you’ve guessed it, Reservoir Dogs. (And if you managed to catch the film the other night you will join me in appreciating how much better it gets every time you watch it… the ear bit and all!). His unique portrayal of the paranoia ridden Mr Pink brought him worldwide acclaim from both the viewing public and the ever so slightly more harsh film critic sphere He is mainly known for his independent film work, although has had blockbuster hits with the weepy, apocalyptic drama/love story Armageddon (1998) where he played a sex obsessed roughneck, and as a wacky criminal in 97’s Con Air. Then came a very poorly chosen part in 99’s Big Daddy, a part that is better best forgotten and also the equally dodgy 28 Days with Sandra Bullock. However he has still managed to be previously voted no.52 in Empire magazine top 100 movie stars of all time. 2001 has seen him return to the blockbuster (hopefully for the better this time), with the use of his vocal stylings in Disney’s retaliation at the whole animated film invasion extravaganza (see Final Fantasy, Shrek) with Monsters Inc, where he provide the voice of Randall Boggs. Also the near future will see him tackle one of the more lucrative aspects of filmmaking, the sequel, as he stars in Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams. So all in all not a bad history for Mr Buscemi. (That is of course if you ignore the fact that he was stabbed in a the neck during a bar brawl earlier this year, but, hey these things happen). Beth Kernure

realizing what on earth was going on. Even now after seeing the whole film I am still not quite convinced I know the score. I mean it wasn’t really easy to follow, one minute the two girls, Enid and her best bud Rebecca (Johansson), are discussing their post high school graduation plans, then the next minute Enid is back in a classroom which then turns out to be a remedial art class for, and I quote: ‘fuck ups and retards’. The real fun starts though when their bitchery falls upon hapless middle-aged Seymour (Bucsemi), a disenchanted record collector, who’s ad in the personals draws attention to his search for a blonde woman with whom he thought he shared a ‘moment’. This little treasure provides Enid and Rebecca with a brand new round of ammunition in their war against morals, ethics and common decency. They think

of how hilarious it would be to screw with this poor loser, and so pretend to be the lady of his desires, subsequently answering his ad, arranging a date, then watching him squirm as he sips his vanilla milkshake as the time ticks slowly by. This film is not for the people out there with goldfish sized attention spans. You really have to try to hard to make sense of the complex plot, and to work out which of the sub-stories are red herrings there to confuse the hell out of you and lead you way off path. Thankfully though the characters are quirky and unusual, and astonishingly varied from the regular collection of two dimensional teen-film roles, with the exception of Rebecca that is, whose inability to show a single genuine emotion greys what is already quite a melancholy movie. The key to watching and enjoying this film is to track the people in it, connect with the characters and you’ll be fine. Beth Kenure

Yo u t o o c a n b e a w i n n e r We have the usual five pairs of cinema tickets to give away thanks to the people at the UGC cinema in Cardiff. Simply answer the question below and e-mail your name, course and answer to: grfilmdesk@hotmail.com with ‘Film Competition 706’ in the subject line.

How many ghosts are there in the film Ghost World? (a) None (b) Forty-Nine (c) Fifty-Three Gair Rhydd 704 Answer: (a) Meatballs Gair Rhydd 704 Winners: Hazel Sloan, Charlotte Spratt, C Beh, David Shute and Antoine Daurel. Please collect your tickets from the Gair Rhydd office on the fourth floor of the union.

Weekly Film Competition

gairrhydd in association with

gamesreviews g

Splash my beach up

SPLASHDOWN (PS2) Infogrammes/Atari

IKE THIS: Somehow, I only managed to play Nintendo's Wave Race 64 a few times. Not as fun as Diddy Kong, more soggy than Gran Turismo, not as cool as Snowboard Kids – it just passed me by. Which doesn't really matter, because Infogrammes ‘latest waterworld effort’ Splashdown is here. It's a jet-ski racer where you navigate aqueous courses in different countries, all complete with compulsory obstacles, jumps, alternate routes and slalom flags, plus an abundance of pant-browning aerial stunts. Use L2/R1/R2 and push a direction when you fly off a ramp will make your rider perform a trick, the longer you hold down escalates the level of your performance meter. If you hold on too long, of course, you'll be thrown off into the deep blue yonder. The water looks like a deep blue-mixed in with reflexive whites and shades of blacks. Its the most realistic water you'll have ever played on, unless you've got an import Gamecube and Wave Race: Blue Storm, of course. The controls are very effective – the feel of the jetski is fabulous as it bounces across

the water, the handling is just right as you make a dramatic turn to avoid being thrown into a patch of trees or are just bobbing up and down on the surface. You'll be impressed how much control you have. The tricks are very imaginative, not to mention gravitational dubious, but are contextualised by the performance meter. Do a variety of tricks and the meter will go up, giving you a speed boost. The meter will decrease over time, or if you go the wrong way round a slalom flag or just trip over some driftwood carelessly left in your path. So smooth riding counts. There’s a hidden level of branding in Splashdown. The game is released under the Atari label, following the recent buy out by Infogammes, and the jetskis aren’t your usual wave racers. Oh no. They’re Sea Doos. .And they’re special, somehow. They look very cool, like some kind of water motorbikes, more chunky than your run of the mill lightweight jetskis. However, not everything is totally rosy. There’s no four player mode, and not much in the way of two player challenges, and there’s a spattering of the dreaded fogging on the horizon. It’s not terrible, and doesn’t impact on the game, but its something to work on for the inevitable sequel, which there is no need for. Splashdown is a really enjoyable racing game that looks great, and handles almost perfectly, and one I wholeheartenly recommend that you play. Chris Faires www.seadoo.com www.watercraftnews.com Smuggler’s Run 2 and Splashdown were brought to you today by NUS ents, the PS2 Student Network, the colour blue, IGN.com and the mouse hiding in my cupboard.

First among sequels SMUGGLERS RUN 2 (PS2) Rockstar/ Take 2

HE ORIGINAL Smuggler's Run was a launch game for the Playstation 2, incredibly now a year old. For some reason, Games is sure that it sold something like a hundred copies in the first week – an abysmal record for any game, and any system. But now its back for more. SR2 is essentially a very simple game. Like all racing games, the object is to get from A to B. The added value with SR2 is some hokeypokey about smuggling introduced by some shaky FMV scenes (possibly stylistically, mind. It's hard to tell.) where you are told

you're gonna be paid two squillion dollars to But you don't care, a cool two million will do transport something over the Russian border. wonders for your student bank account. SR2 is a repetitive game, but thankfully its But whatever it is, its NOT drugs because they're all bad, and smugglers don't ship out a good repetitive game. Later levels drugs in Playstationland, alright? Drive over contraband, So cue level one. Need contraband, see contraband with until you reach the red handy yellow smoke signifier flag. Er, is this it? rising into air, drive over smoke Couldn't someone else which magically attaches itself to you, drive the width of Solus until just walked? you reach the red flag. Er, is this it? Couldn't someone else have just walked to have you up against swarms of Police vans, pick it up? Why wasn't it dropped off just a bit motorcyclists and TA gunmen all trying to stop further down the road? If DHL have to jobs as you collected the loot. And that, to be fair, is sissy as this, no wonder they're rolling in cash. wildly entertaining. There's a slight mixture of gameplay, like trailing missions where you’ll follow a car to a hideout, like Driver but without the computer intelligence doing anything to throw you off its tail. Other variations on a theme include computer controlled vehicles battling with you to get the contraband and bring it to your base, essentially a capture the flag mode built into the narrative of the smuggling. The multiplayer mode (only two player of course) is adequate, nothing special but still will wile away a few afternoons. The graphics are solid, the landscapes especially impressive and the driver animations well done. The vehicles are offroad types for rugged bearded men who like acronyms- ATV, SR1 etc. They have various attributes- weight, speed etc so you can choose the most suitable for the requirements of the mission. Needless to say, its quite a bit like the original, so if you one of the lucky few, and it was a few, who own SR then maybe you should get something like GTA3 for deeper gameplay. Smuggler's Run 2 isn't bad. It won't blow your mind, but its a nicely structured, engaging driving game that’’s well worth a loot. Chris Faires Sounds Like: GTA 3, Chase HQ (Arcade)

IT’S DAVID THE GIBBON!

HI KIDS! I’M DAVID THE GIBBON, AND I’M HERE TO ANSWER ALL YOUR GAMING QUESTIONS WITH SURPRISING EASE.

Dear David, I’m a really big fan of the Rayman games. Are there any new ones out soon? Yours sincerely, A. Akinbiyi, Leicester. Why yes! The latest is Rayman M, where multiplayer madness will reign as Rayman – and his friends – race around lush environments scattered with shifting panels toxic waters and explosive barriers. It’ll be out on the 30th of November for Playstation 2 and PC. Dear David, I bought a software package, ‘installed’ it, and then it tol me to press any key. What’s the any key? Anne Competent, JOMEC. There is no any key, you fuckmonger. Try ‘any’ key. Dear David, Are you actually a student here? Love from, Phil Space. No, I’m a Gibbon. But you might see me around Jive Hive, if you look up into the ceiling.

booksfeatures 09 Censure or censorship? This week’s best-selling books... With the issues of civil liberties and freedom of the press being very much a bone of contention at present (and because it ties in with the much-censored Ulysses), Books gets didactic on your asses. Close your ears and it won’t hurt a bit.

THE ATTACKS on the World Trade Centre and the Pentagon were undoubtably terrible and tragic events, and their effects were universally felt. Whatever one’s opinion on the US/UK’s campaign against Afghanistan, a noticeable result of the aftermath of September 11 is the change in attitude of the media in general, and the press in particular. It seems that any kind of criticism of our nation’s conduct, its support of the US or the latter country’s chequered foreign policy, unless extremely vague, will cause the writer/broadcaster to be reviled as a sort of ‘traitor’. But a traitor to whom? These forms of

gulags of Soviet Russia, simply because they belonged to a different era or culture, is seriously deluded. There is, I would suggest, a difference between opinions expressed within the realms of literature, stage and screen – ‘the arts’, if you will – and those in the wider public sphere. For example, the novels of Louis-Ferdinand Celine, a Frenchman who wrote in the midtwentieth century. From his early Journey to the Centre of the Night and Death on Credit, to his later North trilogy, he displayed a vaguely autobiographical bent coupled with a fierce wit and an even fiercer misanthropy. His Just because an opinion later novels took the fragmented pace the mix of dialogue and action and is contentious does not of applied it to the structure of writing prevent it from itself, leading to his denouncement for “butchering the French language”. harbouring more than However, it was his misguided flirting just a grain of truth with fascism and anti-semitism in the 1930’s that was to bring him the most criticism are merely the expressions of opinion, notoriety. Although he later recanted, this and in some cases have recourse to the reputation as a reactionary was to follow him to genuine account of the situation. Just because his grave. So the man may have been a bigot, an opinion is contentious does not prevent it but the fact remains that his superb prose needs from having more than just a grain of truth in it. to be recognised independently of his life. The And herein lies the object of my concern. When nature of narrative also provides us with a both the government and (not just the) tabloid problem: a story, in whatever form, told from a press effectively accuse those who express their first-person narrative is more often than not told own, no doubt well-considered opinions, of through the voice of its author – as in A treason, then we can only hope that this is as Clockwork Orange, American Psycho, or Jim far as things go. Thompson’s The Killer Inside Me, which shows But then again, how far should we take the us the world through the eyes of a psychotic expression of free speech, whether in small-town policeman. newspapers, television and radio, or literature? But in the field of journalism there needs to When should the public as a whole be protected be a form of censorship, not of the kind that from a certain or opinion or opinions, and who blackballs an individual for a vaguely should judge which are harmful and which controversial statement of opinion, but to make deserve a forum? As can be seen below, James sure that these who would deny the basic Joyce’s seminal Ulysses was initially judged to freedom of speech to others: organisations like be pornographic and nonsensical, but is now the National Front, even unelected bodies who considered to be one of the finest novels in can ‘buy’ statistics to further their own profits. existence. The general standard of what While I do not agree with the pundits who write constitutes ‘immoral’, ‘disgusting’, ‘innovative’, cliched, reactionary comment pieces and news and so on, is notoriously subjective. reports, I fully support their right to spout such Nevertheless, anyone who would claim that we ill-informed shite. Censure is fine, and will cannot condemn slavery, whether in its always be with us: censorship has no place nineteenth-century or present forms, or the within any circle where free speech is permitted.

Got a cold or the flu? Blocked nose, sore throat, headache, aches and pains.....

Have you got time to help us with our research at the Common Cold Centre? If yes, please telephone 0500 655398 (Freephone) or come to the Common Cold Centre. You will be compensated for your time and travel by a cheque payment at the end of the study

Common Cold Centre

Cardiff School of Biosciences, Off Park Place, near the Tower Block Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm GRiP

1: Last Hero Terry Pratchett 2: Amazing Maurice Terry Pratchett 3: Botham’s Century Ian Botham 4: Truth Terry Pratchett 5: Seize the Day T. Grey-Thompson 6: Billy Pamela Stephenson

7: Discworld Thieves’ Guild Diary Terry Pratchett 8: Universe in a Nutshell Stephen Hawking 9: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone J. K. Rowling 10: Cardiff Then and Now B. Lee

...According to Blackwell’s Cardiff

Cult Classic: James Joyce, Ulysses

HE PUBLICATION of Ulysses, considered to famously, with Bloom’s wife reminiscing on her be Joyce’s masterpiece, was to change the courting days – an immense sentence, world. Not in the same sense as the unpunctuated, amounting to more than forty widespread availability of television, not in the pages. same way as the First World War, or the Soviet It was this final section of the book that was to revolution – the changes wrought by its prove the most controversial, as much for its form appearance on the literary scene were to have as its content. The sexual content of the book as insidious and far-reaching effects on the potential a whole is both explicit and implicit, but no more of the novel as an artistic form. Its exploration of so than in Molly Bloom’s monologue. Its very style style and structure have proved to be highly and structure make it very difficult to read – the influential, and the obscenity trial that followed in entire novel is often held up as the classic model its wake raised profound questions about of ‘stream of consciousness’ writing, with the censorship, as well as opening the way for characters often seeming as much in control of authors to transcend their immediate surroundings the story as the author. The political content of of taste, style and taboo. Furthermore, Ulysses is Ulysses also raised eyebrows, with Joyce making a truly great novel. his dislike of philistine elements within Irish The book began life as an additional chapter to A Portrait of Following the novel’s the Artist as a Young Man, publication, Joyce received published in 1916. However, Joyce’s interest in his childhood as many accusations of hero, the wandering centre of the being a genius as of Odyssey, was to swing his imagination in a more peddling pornography experimental bent. The idea of a hero cast adrift from his home environment, meeting the challenges before him nationalism, as well as of English colonialism, with his own wits and reasoning, seemed to Joyce very clear indeed. (Just as well that he wrote the the only kind of ‘heroic’ character he could book in Trieste, then.) The form of Ulysses that comfortably write about. As with Portrait, the book appeared in 1922 was soon censored, and an chronicles the actions and opinions of one unexpurgated version was quite a time coming. Stephen Dedalus, a kind of autobiographical The small Parisian publishing house which representation of Joyce produced the first edition was himself, and there are areas subject to several prosecutions of continuity between the within weeks. Meanwhile, Joyce two books – Dedalus Senior was receiving as many makes several accusations of being a genius appearances, and as of being a pornographer – references are made to the when, during his later sojourn in ‘lost years’ between the Zurich, a visitor asked if he novels. It soon becomes could kiss the hand that wrote apparent that this is no Ulysses, Joyce replied “No. It ordinary sequel, as the did lots of other things too”. distinction of thought and With his marvellously narrative becomes blurred. evocative language, impressive As one reads (and an and detailed characterisation annotated copy is the most and his keen attention to detail useful for this kind of made sure that Joyce was reading), Joyce’s use of the already a force to be reckoned Odyssey’s narrative is with before the novel was reflected in the travels of published, but it was Ulysses Dedalus through one day in that would cement his reputation pre-war Dublin. Another and allow him to extend his departure is the gradual style to its logical conclusion – increase in significance of the notoriously esoteric JOYCE: “Just what I the book’s other main Finnegan’s Wake. Without need: a Books tribute. character, Leopold Bloom, a That’s my career down Ulysses we might still be secularised Jewish saddled with the dusty rehashes the pan then.” businessman, who is also of Victoriana that haunted the wandering through the city. early ‘20s, experimental writing It becomes clear that he is the Ulysses figure, and would be further underground than it already is, that Stephen Dedalus is his Telamachus, a and Anthony Burgess might have ended up sidekick and a substitute son. As they travel ripping off Agatha Christie instead. As Dedalus through the city the narrative and dialogue both remarks, ”It’s a symbol of Irish art. The cracked undergo alarming changes, form parodies of looking-glass of a servant”, both reviled and medieval sagas to an incredibly surreal playscript. revered in its author’s country. It’s not an easy Nevertheless, certain details are present book to read by any means, demanding throughout, such as references to the current concentration and patience from the reader, but political climate, Dedalus’ intellectualism, and perseverance will be greatly rewarded. At some Bloom’s love of braised kidneys. The novel ends, point in your life you should read Ulysses – the

musicsingles

The comeback kids THE CHARLATANS A Man Needs To Be Told (Universal)

IT ISN’T often that a song comes along that is so beautifully crafted that your life suddenly feels better for hearing it. And strangely, it takes The Charlatans, a band whose early 90’s popularity was beginning to wane to comeback with a single of such impact. The infusion of a country twang with The Charlatans distinctive upbeat indie sound is testament to a band that knows how to move with the times, as it reminds more of The White Stripes than The Stone Roses. They even manage to work in a techno edge to the end of the song, which is so flawless that you wonder how The Charlies had it in them. Even Tim Burgess’ deliciously whispering vocals have never sounded better. This single is essential, and is a sign of a band that are yet to reach their peak. Sarah Hodson

22 PISTEPIRKKO Quicksand (Clearspot) WHEN I learnt that this is the latest thing in Finnish pop, I simply had to hear it. The song starts off with a jauntily meandering guitar riff, before the singer, who sounds suspiciously like the bloke from Turin Brakes, comes in with a fairly nonsensical lyric that could only be penned by a non-native English speaker. Things trot along nicely for three minutes, with no discernable chorus, and then it stops. I’m beginning to understand why the Finns have never exactly set the music world alight. Mark Cobley

BAZ Believers

(One Little Indian) THIS IS the debut single from Baz who, by the sounds of it, wants to be Gabrielle. Her voice bears a strong resemblance to her heroine, as does the bland song itself. Believers is not innovative enough, it is simply a formulaic popsoul track which attempts to be inspiring. The sister of DJ/producer Dave Angel and rap artist Monie Love, Baz is one of the newest artists to be signed to One Little Indian, who have the likes of Björk and Manchild on their books. Yet, if this single is anything to go by, Baz has a lot of self-promotion to do before the record label can boast about her as well. Hayley Dunlop

DJ OTZI Do Wah Diddy (EMI)

PLEASE DON’T holler at me. Blame everyone and anyone who went to Ibiza this summer. They are the ones responsible for this so-called DJ dominating the UK charts. If there is one song I never want to hear in my life again it is Hey O Baby and to add insult to injury he is back with Do Wah Diddy. What that means, I honestly do not have a clue. I’ve got my ear plugs on and I will advise you to do the same. Nike Ogunjumelo

CURTIS LYNCH JUNIOR FEAT. JP The Chase (One Little Indian)

THIS RECORD got off to the right start with me by coming in a great sleeve – smug bloke, fast red car, urban backdrop. The first track is the Getaway remix. Is a theme emerging here? This is great, smooth urban hip-hop, with enough going on musically to keep you interested. The first mix features female vocals from the improbably spelt Dyanna Fearon, laid over and under Curtis’ rapping. The other is

10 Etienne with quirky electronica seemingly taking its influences from the keyboard overhaul of the early eighties. And somehow a kitsch and undeniably cool pop song is formed, slotting in neatly to Daft Punk’s retro-futuristic genre. Oh, and never let it be said this band do things by halves: the cd includes nine remixes! Bonkers! Maria Lane

WYCLEF JEAN Wish You Were Here (Columbia)

HIP-HOP COVER of prog-rock classic? Down and dirty tribute to the great Pink Floyd? It’s not a wholly unpleasant experience! Jean’s mellow and throaty voice blends with an inoffensive jingly-jangly tune, far removed from the trippy sounds of the ’Floyd. Rap (“Gonna take you to the dark side of the moon!”’) mingles with drifting ‘woah-ohs’ and the overall effect is a warm, sleepy beat. There is nothing spectacular or progressive about it. Just a really relaxing, straightforward song for an increasingly complicated world. Melanie Harrison THE CHARLATANS: some men need direction more laid-back, and JP’s vocals give it an almost soulful feel. Unlike a lot of hip-hop makeweights, Lynch has written his lyrics well, but it’s the excellent, slick production that really makes this single. Mark Cobley

FEAR FACTORY Linchpin (Roadrunner)

AS SOON as this track kicks in, it is obvious we are experiencing pure and raw Fear Factory, at their bass speaker-blowing best. When the vocals come in with a big bass beat you know you are in for a listening treat. The track ends rather abruptly and leaves you wanting more. If there is one single which needs to be in everyone’s music collection, this is it. Paul Jones

IDORU Safety In Numbers EP (Blanco Y Negro)

COMPLETE TOSS. What…? I can’t just leave it at that..? Righty ho, then. You know when you find something you really, really love, but you can’t quite figure out why – you like all the component parts, but it’s only when they merge together that you truly appreciate them. Well here, I dislike the cloying, syrupy lyrics; I dislike the bland, jangly and utterly incessant guitar riffs; I dislike the whiny, toneless vocals. But put them all together, and I despise this music. On the plus side, it’s fairly well produced. Something about not being able to polish a turd comes to mind, however. Buy this, and be damned. Gareth Lloyd

LOGO Don’t Panic (Manifesto)

WELL IT was going to happen eventually: a dance version of a Coldplay song. Still, it’s not as bad as it could be, being saved mainly by the remixes, which render the former hit almost unrecognisable. However, there is nothing here that you wouldn’t find on a Fragma album. The vocals are of the same ethereal variety as many ‘trance’ anthems, but (like the music) fail to contribute anything interesting or original. The cover is quite a groovy design, but certainly not worth paying for. Louise Costelloe

LADYTRON Playgirl (Invicta Hi-Fi)

AFTER ITS initial uneventful release last year, Ladytron’s Playgirl is finally getting the airplay it deserves. The Anglo-Bulgarian four-piece overlay vocals not unlike those of Sarah from St

ADAM GOLDSTONE Alternations (Nuphonic)

TAKEN FROM Adam Goldstone’s impressive recent album Lower East Side Stories, Alternations is a delicious slab of sparse seventies-style funk, combining a driving rhythm with a delicate disco vocal courtesy of Fonda Rae. On the flip, a dub version reworks the track without the vocal impact, but while it allows the instrumental side of things the attention it deserves, it is unlikely to compete with the full Fonda Rae experience of the aside. Expect Alternations to become a favourite amongst more discerning DJs very soon. Paul Sloman

TANYA DONELLY Sleepwalk EP

tempo; a chance to wallow in her resoundingly beautiful voice. After Your Party sees Tanya in her prime, just her and an acoustic guitar, crooning a little folk-jingle. While the final two tracks are not dissimilar from her slick alterna-pop, she’s managed to lose the polished finish many of her previous songs have. Sleepwalk showcases an abundance of Tanya’s newfound strengths, suggesting her next album, Beautysleep, will be a winner. Laura Sykes

CYPRESS HILL Trouble / Lowrider (Columbia)

TROUBLE WAS written in collaboration with Fear Factory bassist, Christian Olde Wolbers. Unsurprising then, that the song sounds similar to the rap-metal material of last year’s Bones release. Good but nothing new or original. The ‘Hill adopt their more familiar hip-hop style for Lowrider. An easy groove, which makes me want to sip whisky on an idyllic Sunday afternoon (as if I need an excuse for that!). The Latino acoustic solo is a nice touch, nothing more. This will not change the world. Rich ‘D.P’ Moore

McLUSKY LightsabreCocksucking Blues (Too Pure) PRODUCED BY Steve Albini and really, you shouldn’t need further recommendation. However, here goes, though words fail to do Cardiff heroes McLusky justice. At sub-two minutes, this displays that the piercing irony found on their debut album improved in Chicago. Never can the ‘difficult’ second album have been so disproved; the blaze of McLusky’s intelligence is matched only by the sheer power of their sound. The thinking fan’s Andrew WK, then. Nicholas McDonald

(4AD)

BUSH The People That We Love

TANYA DONELLY could almost be considered the Godmother of female alternative rock: Throwing Muses, The Breeders and Belly – some may argue she invented the genre. This EP arrives almost four years to the day since her last record, an inevitable awkward debut solo outing. Here, we see a complete transition: Sleepwalk is a songwriter rising from the shadow of her former bands, with complete confidence and identity intact. Opening track, The Storm, is alt/pop in the familiar Donelly tradition, only much slower in

FIRST SINGLE from fourth album Golden State sees post-grungers Bush go all radio-friendly on us.Great riff and pleasant song, but it lacks the impact and drive of previous songs. With lyrics like “Speed kills, you know what I mean,” you can’t help but wonder where the intensity of previous albums like Razorblade Suitcase has gone. Have Bush gone all soft and prog-rock on us? It certainly looks that way.But the riff and famous Rossdale rasp luckily save it from isolating their fans. Gemma Jones

(Interscope)

STEPHEN MALKMUS Jo Jo’s Jacket (Domino) IT MUST be hard being Stephen Malkmus. Creator of an eloquent brand of pop that’s not quite poppy enough to shift serious units, but not quite ‘serious’ enough to demand muso adoration, he’s continued to plough his own musical furrow since Pavement’s untimely demise a while a go. Indeed, whether Malkmus is actually a ‘pop star’ at all is something of a moot point, with his often shambolic live shows and scant regard for critical opinion. None of this, though, prevents his third solo effort from being an absolute delight. Whether the song’s story (such as it is) is a high culture masterstroke or just a big slice of rambling arse doesn’t really matter when it sounds as good as this. With a hook-line to die for and a vocal delivery so dead-pan you could fry your breakfast in it, Jo Jo’s Jacket is more knowing than a smug college lecturer and more alternatively street than a million So Solid Crews. Don’t worry about being in on the joke or ‘getting’ it. Stephen Malkmus may well be laughing at the lot of us, but when the joke’s as good as this, it really doesn’t matter. Luke Holland

MALKMUS: feeds the horse

26.11.01

musicalbums

Smashy & Nicey... SMASHING PUMPKINS Rotten Apples: The Greatest Hits (Hut)

SMASHING PUMPKINS: woah! Nostalgia!

SELECTED BY DON LETTS Social Classics (Volume 2): Dread Meets Punk Rockers Uptown (Heavenly)

WAY BACK, before you were even born, there was a club called The Roxy. Don Letts was the DJ and this is its soundtrack. Though it only lasted for about five months, its impact was huge and its legacy exists to this day. Wee bit different to Jive Hive then. For The Roxy, on Neal Street, was the first punk club. The trouble was that there weren’t many punk records out and many were crap anyway. Hence Letts played what he liked and knew: reggae and especially, dub. This collection gives some idea of what so caught the attention of Rotten, Strummer and Simonon and as such, is somewhat overdue. The meeting that took place was one of a vibrant new form and another at its brilliantly creative peak, with enough shared ethos and open minds to join them. Though many some of the tracks are familiar, taking in King Tubby, Big Youth, Lee Perry and Junior Murvin’s ubiquitous but sublime Police And Thieves, there are several more obscure offerings, such as The Congos’ narrative Fisherman. You can’t help but be struck by how many of the acts which appeared at The Roxy have faded, while this highly recommended selection stands the test of time. And I hope they slip a copy of this into Morrissey’s coffin. Nick Mcdonald

DMX The Great Depression (Interscope)

WITH HIP-HOP starting to get lost in its own hype lately it’s a relief to see the old dog returning to save us with some new tricks. After all, this is the man who was held up as the star to fill the void left by Tupac and Smalls but does the fourth release live up to the reputation? Sometimes is the spoken word intro that sets a rather depressing scene, don’t be deceived; DMX has always been about the dark and light. The statement of intent of School Street and forthcoming single Who We Be are satisfyingly familiar slices of Simmons’ style of the melodic and aggressive. So far so DMX; but then things take a dip with the tiresome trumpet blowing of Right Here and embarrassing rock-rap of Bloodline Anthem. Damien makes a welcome return in the unsurprisingly titled Damien III but the engaging theme of DMX’s struggles with the darkside

GRiP

WELL, WELL. Christmas is coming, and here comes the Greatest Hits deluge. Still, any new material from these now defunct alt-rockers has to be more palatable than yet another cash-in job from Sting, eh? Two lovely, shiny silvery discs are included, the first being the Hits collection itself. It’s an understandably varied mix from a band whose musical direction has taken more twists and turns than a twisty, turny thing. Spanning post-grunge (Cherub Rock, Siva), eclectic pseudo-pop whimsy (1979, Rock-Is-Dead) electronica (Ava Adore) and finally, terminal weirdness (Try Try Try). This is – oh my- a true musical journey. There are some debatable inclusions/exclusions, such as Where’s Tonight Tonight? and The Everlasting Gaze, even though it wasn’t even a hit. But all in all, this is pretty solid stuff. Oh, and of the two new songs – one Real Love, is pure joy, fast paced and uplifting. The other, final single Untitled, is an absolute travesty. Perhaps it’s an omen of the way that the Pumpkins were headed – any longer, and they’d have disappeared up their own bottoms. The bonus CD is a b-sides/rarities compendium. At least as diverse as the Hits disc itself, it does admittedly contain some fairly ill-advised tracks. However, there are some true gems here – the emotionally charged Slow Dawn, James Iha’s gentle Believe, and the dark, brooding Saturnine. It’s the bonus disc that completes the package, really – showing that behind the big singles, the Smashing Pumpkins were a strange, spacey kind of band. Go on, pick this up, and give Billy Corgan a hand to pay for his Christmas presents. Gareth Lloyd

suffers from a rather uninspired sample and weak chorus. However the Faith Hill collaboration of I Miss You raises the standards and You Could Be Blind has an inspired hook. Such moments are a little too few and far between though to forgive. It’s a pleasingly lowkey album, but ironically this highlights the shortcomings it has. DMX still has some way to get back to the standards he set on his debut. Rob Laing

BLACK NIELSON Still Life Hear Me (Truck)

IMAGINE, IF you will, four college students who decide to form a band. They write a bunch of songs, play a few gigs, then split up due to ‘musical differences’. One then goes away and writes more music and the band reform a few years later and gets signed to a label. “Ahh,” I hear you say, “I’ve heard this before.” And you’d be right. But Black Nielson are not that bad. In fact they are pretty damn good. Signed to the Truck label, their debut album Still Life Hear Me is a small tour de force of quality songs. Track four is decidedly annoying admittedly, and track five

is pointless, but other than that they have produced a bit of a gem. The songs are original enough to be listened to without constantly thinking “I’ve heard that before,” and engaging enough that you are willing to listen to the full album without wondering when the spin cycle on your washing will be done. Lassoo The Moon was released as a single, and nobody heard it, which is a shame, as it is an excellent combination of voice and tune. The lead singer’s voice is slightly rough, but charming, and is done full justice by the guitar backing and Mazzy Star herself would have been proud to write it. There is little to complain about on this album, and although they may not cause people to riot in the streets in their name, Black Nielson are an excellent new band with what looks to be a stunning future. Fifteen pounds will not be spent much better. Robert Porter

RADIOHEAD I Might Be Wrong (Parlophone)

RADIOHEAD HAVE never been an easy band, though they’ve always been extremely good at what they do. They’ve arguably released four of

11 the greatest British records of the last decade. But, for many Radiohead fans, the last 18 months have been a bit of a roller coaster ride, leaving many wondering what to think of them. This live EP will set them straight. The I Might Be Wrong EP picks the highlights off both Kid A and Amnesiac and proves, that although they have been concealed in the studio for almost three years, they still know how to do it live. The National Anthem’s pounding bass line kicks off the proceedings and as Thom Yorke gasps into the mic, images of him dancing like a mad loon fly around your head. This EP really demonstrates the band’s live power. Their huge attention to detail shows but only as much as their ability to let the songs breathe. It is for this reason that Like Spinning Plates is possibly the standout track; it’s lush piano line bringing comparisons to Elbow’s Powder Blue. Idioteque would make any techno lover weak at the knees and the acoustic finale of True Love Waits brings this collection to a beautiful but all too soon close. Radiohead are a band with too much to do and too little time in which to do it. Where do they go from here? We’ll have to wait and see. Ben James

MEANWHILE BACK IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA… Indian Ink (Jitter)

THE DEBUT album from the band with the third best name in the music business (after ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead and The Dandy Warhols) and John Peel’s latest bedroom band discovery, appears in the form of a teasing sample of just eight tracks, and is just thirty minutes long. Obviously a band going for the quality not quantity approach, every track on this CD is a true gem. The band take Mogwai-esque lamenting guitars and add a dash of breathlessly beautiful spoken word vocals (think Justine Frischman on Elastica’s My Sex) and will undoubtedly leave every listener wanting more and clamouring for a follow up. From the dynamic contrast of opening track No Cigar, with its sudden switch from placid poetry to an explosion of anarchic guitar noise, to the charging atmosphere of almost trance-like anthem Blindspot/Invisible Band (with a heavy instrumental to please even the most hardcore Metros mosher), to the deathly sombre simplicity of Sacred Mountain, every track has something different to offer and yet ties together perfectly as so many albums fail to do. The perfect album for those days when you just want to turn off the lights and stare into space, this is sure to lift Meanwhile Back In Communist Russia out of musical obscurity. Not a band to be written off as ‘indie-scmindie’. Meanwhile… are a band with balls, albeit sugar-coated. Maria Lane

GREEN DAY International Superhits! (Reprise)

THE BIG brothers of punk rock bring us a compilation of their greatest hits at last. Although the title may seem a little immodest as they haven’t enjoyed massive successes in Britain, on the other side of the Atlantic they are huge, and rightfully so. After the first two ‘previously unavailable’ tracks, Maria and the almost sweet Poprocks &Coke, the album follows in chronological order. Starting off with Dookie greats, such as Basket Case and Welcome to Paradise, going right the way through Insomniac and Nimrod before ending up at Warning. With the exceptions of 39/Smooth and Kerplunk, they’ve managed an even spread of all albums. Of course there’s bound to be some “Why didn’t they include…?” (I would have argued for Suffocate, but hey, you can’t have everything!) but with 21 songs of this calibre you can’t complain. We all know how good they are at producing hard-hitting punk classics such as Hitchin’ A Ride, but here they also show that they’re equally at home playing lower key, less energetic songs such as Macy’s Day Parade and the outstanding Good Riddance. There’s even J.A.R. from the film Angus thrown in for good measure. Mike Dirnt’s bass shines throughout the album as does Tre Cool’s drums, and of course with Billie Joe’s exceptional, instantly recognisable voice they are a shining example of what punk rock is supposed to be like at it’s very best. Green Day are leagues ahead of the rest in this genre of music, and this album shows how good they really are. Aled Wynne

GREEN DAY: ooh! Suits you, sirs!

26.11.01

musiclive

built to a climax in which the music swept us off our feet. The set list was enjoyably eclectic, with plenty of favourites from the first EMBRACE ASKED local bands to album such as All You Good Good send in demos to decide who People, Come Back To What You supported them for their Cardiff gig, so Know, and My Weakness Is None of Big Leaves got to come on first and Your Business. One special moment gave us a rocking half-hour of songs in came in Danny’s solo rendition of the ballad Fireworks when Danny proved that he he stopped playing the can not only sing, but guitar altogether and sang a whole verse a is good at maths as capella. This contrast well... seemed to alter the Great Hall’s English and in Welsh. Embrace kicked atmosphere, and led into the epic off their set with Over, one of the best affirmation of The Good Will Out. songs on the new album. Even the A personal favourite was the cover intro seemed to express warmth and of Three Is The Magic Number, Bob genuine emotion, and deeply-felt lyrics Dorough’s Sesame Street-style ‘70s

EMBRACE Great Hall

JUST WHEN you think the world needs another NYC band like it needs more Popstars, along come A.R.E Weapons – Thomas (drums and noise) Matt (bass) and Brain (vocals). They all scream and shout as loud as each other whenever they’re playing. With all this style and buzz, it’s a bit of a shock when A.R.E Weapons come on stage looking like they haven’t had a wash for weeks and they don’t care. These guys don’t give a damn that they look like mindless idiots. They know the hype that surrounds them and revel in it. So it is with absolute optimism that Brain says, “This is gonna be our best show ever,” before they rip through their set. Brain rolls around on stage but disappointingly, there is no fighting with the audience, which is a shame really as their electro post-punk disco noise devastation doesn’t seem to incite much movement on them either. With songs like Street Gang, New York Muscle and Black Mercedes, A.R.E Weapons paint a picture of New York at its gutter and backstreet level, grittier than reality. The problem is that they have bound themselves into a particular style of music because they have a particular image, so all their music starts to sound a bit similar after a while. Ask the band what A.R.E stands for and they’ll say Atomic Revenge Extreme or Absolute Raw Energy. It changes depending on their mood. Whatever they say it means, A.R.E Weapons are one of the bands which you may hear lots about without actually heard any of their stuff. Thankfully with all the hype surrounding them, I’m glad to say they at least live up to half of it. Pauline Cheung

McLUSKY Barfly McLUSKY ROCK like Cannon and Ball mashed on a seesaw. A band many regard as Cardiff’s finest tonight unveil their debut single on Too Pure, performed as soon as they take the stage. No messing, which is what Mclusky are all about. Taken from next year’s album which is anticipated round these here parts like the second coming, we’re also able to enjoy a selection of favourite two minute wonders from the blisteringly intelligent debut album My Pain And Sadness Is More Sad And Painful Than Yours. Likewise, Dopamine prove that sometimes it’s all in the name, with Stoner-Rock support. You can reach out and touch the angst, which leaves certain sections of the audience shaking their heads. For they’ve come for Mclusky you see and it’s a shame that those who think that The Strokes are the future of ‘Punk’ aren’t present to be converted. No-one can resist the Mclusky mission of short barrages of big noise and uncommonly considered anger. The audience retrieve and replace the lost microphone from

hit, and here Danny proved that he can not only sing, but is good at maths as well! Hooligan was foot-tappingly contagious and featured Danny on the kazoo (Is there no end to this man’s talents? – Ed); it seems to be about peer pressure, meaning either the music industry, or the kids at school who laughed at Richard’s sneakers. No-one is entirely sure. In the encore Danny sang I Hope You’re Happy Now with a camera attached to the mic so we could see his face projected up on the screen. Finally Wonder was the closing number which I un-cynically sang and clapped along to without feeling the slightest bit silly. Embrace worked hard to create a memorable gig, and were even better live than on CD. Adrian Everett

among them, which can’t happen very often. The sound engineer simply smiles and puts the bass amps onto ‘protect’. Nicholas McDonald

CRASHLAND / THE KENNEDY SOUNDTRACK / CURVESIDE Barfly WHEN ONE’S only previous interaction with Crashland comprises of reading lukewarm reviews for first album Glued it’s understandable to be less than optimistic of seeing anything more than solid, standard guitar-by-numbers. Before the band have chance to disprove my preconceptions, Curveside limber up and lay

DAVID KITT / WALKER Barfly THE WORLD of the solo artist is a very bizarre one. Firstly, you have to take for granted that every solo artist is in their own way barking mad egocentrics. Secondly, they have potential to record the worst duet of all time with some big time celebrity, and thirdly, they can exercise the right to write whatever in blue hell they want and then warble/laugh/vomit/ squeak over their records without the interference of fellow band members. You also have to accept that for every Neil Young, there’s a Neil Diamond, PIC: Victoria Richards

A.R.E WEAPONS Clwb Ifor Bach

PICS: Si Crockford

I s n ’t i t a W o n d e r?

DANNY MACNAMARA: bathed in radiant glow

down some GTI-paced glam-rock ‘n roll. Imagine a strong Nirvana influence with a wave of U2’s The Edge’s guitar-shaped magic wand on just a little line of speed. Up at the front its Brett Anderson’s silhouette and a convincing take-off of his glitter-glam voice. Indie stars in their eyes if you will. What comes next is a not entirely unpleasant surprise. The Kennedy Soundtrack are House Of Pain with a 20 milligram injection of guitar juice. They certainly enjoy a riff, and fortunately so do tonight’s audience. The nu-metal melodies go down with the kids like free sweets. You know it’s gone a little too far though when Kid Rock springs to mind. Crashland look like a rock‘n’roll band. They’ve got the straggled hair, the spaced out stares and the black ‘n skull shirts. They

every Bonnie Prince Billy, there’s a Billie Piper and every PJ Harvey, there’s a Brian Harvey (innit). But thank god, for every horrific David Gray incarnation, there’s the beauty and majesty of David Kitt. First on Walker, with their fragile acoustic guitar and piano led set, seemed to act as a showcase for the stunning voice of singer/songwriter, Tanya Walker. Whilst some songs drifted away to the back of the room, others such as Nothing Changes were nothing short of delicate hypnotism. Promising. Having two albums to his name, Small Moments and the The Big Romance from which most of tonight’s set comprises of, David Kitt, or DAVID KITT: curly

immediately make tonight’s previous entertainment look like your mates miming to the stereo with your little brother on drums. And no, they don’t wear ‘ironic’ retro T-shirts over pyjama tops. Crashland’s sound initially strikes you as reflective of early Stereophonics (a compliment, unlike a comparison to the band of late). But the host of new songs they try out tonight suggest that they may just be a touch more than a throwaway riff-rock band. As their debut album title suggests, they certainly stick in the mind. Although musically accomplished and in possession of significant image and presence, it will surely take a Buck Rogersish shoutalong bopper for Crashland to achieve a breakthrough. They deserve one, but you get the impression that they wouldn’t stoop that low. Jamie Fullerton

‘The Kittser’ (which one hopes is a temporary nickname), is one of the most promising musicians in the world today. Debut single, Song From Hope Street... and the overwhelming Step Outside In The Morning Light are two keys to this promise. His originality of music, comprises of predominantly acoustic guitar led folk songs attached to programmed beats mysteriously floating from a machine at the back. Imagine Belle And Sebastian with a sense of imagination. Accompanied by a lone saxophone / clarinet player and a worryingly prog-rock looking keyboard player, Irishman Kitt, himself looking like he could be the attractive handyman in Ballykissangel, produced a competent set, which included a stunning cover of When Doves Cry. Unpretentious to the extreme, Kitt departs the stage with nothing more than an, “Oh yeah... we’re going to take a break now, because that’s, er, what we do.” And that’s when it went crazy. After one percussion-less song, the band start Headphones, which begins with David at the mike. Fifteen minutes later he walks offstage, after practically demolishing his decrepit guitar with a wooden stick, encouraged his saxophone player to play absolutely no melody whatsoever, created a voluminous wall of noise and then bafflingly sung the chorus from Joy Divison’s Transmission. Upon realising that what appears like random activity is all done to carefully timed beats, is when you unearth exactly how talented this man is. He apologises afterwards, looking to the crowd saying “Sorry, we were just having a bit of fun.” No way. The fun was all ours. John Widdop

Get your Kitt off!

musiclive

MUSE Newport Centre I FEEL a cold shiver as the echoes of long dead legends and ghosts of a decadent age are chanted all around the Centre’s packed crowd. With a set design that makes me think I’m 18 again in Shepherd’s Bush Empire watching The Smashing Pumpkins, a thought ironically choreographed by the anthemic 1979, the moshing is already in full swing to distorted chants of Nirvana’s Rape Me and a bunch of idle-wilds all shot up on Lithium. Ironically, as the last Cobain cries die out, as the seventieth Rage T-shirt is slung, Muse blister onto the stage like strippogram versions of The Jam possessed by Led Zeppelin. Unsurprisingly stunning, it is the heavy reliance on acclaimed second album Origins Of Symmetry this evening that sees Citizen Erased embraced by the masses for the classes; with its Chili Peppers bass line and its Rage Against The Machine power chord fade out, it leaves everyone shouting, “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me...”

PIC: Maria Lane

I heard the MUSE today, oh boy... But tonight I stand at the back with a smile on my face because this goes beyond Sunburn, Hyper Music, Plug In Baby, Muscle Museum or the fact that every one is Feeling Good. This is history being re-born with a new hero for the lost souls to love. For Matt is Kurt Cobain reincarnated, ceremoniously accepting the poisoned chalice that the crowd offers, with angst-filled guitar solos hidden behind sultry lapdancing screens.

evening with the ones in my mind. I realise now that Muse are new romantics come Sex Pistol grungers of the 21st Century, a band for the alienated and yet the ‘in-love’. For I ache to be Matt’s Unintended, but so do fifteen thousand people falling down, and we are all begging for his dream. And just as the lights turn low and the sun of our new star comes down we sing a song back to him he hasn’t sung, an anthem in the wings for the “This is history being re-born with alienated and the idiots who a new hero for the lost souls to didn’t show up love. For Matt is Kurt Cobain retonight, we steal incarnated ceremoniously accepting lyrics to show the poisoned chalice that the him that you know that I crowd offers” care… you Obvious to the crowd and inevitably should have been there. And as I elatedly paradoxical to me; whilst no-one on this stand there, a 15-year-old kid in a planet would dare deny bass-player Chris Nirvana T-shirt doggedly walks past and I Wolstenholme’s unbelievable talent, this is smile at the pastiche of tonight‘s ‘Bellamy Night’. I stand there awe-struck nostalgia. But only for a second though. as to his piano skills which are nothing Because this is pure Showbiz, and like short of breathtaking, whilst his guitar and the last track, what me, you, us, them, space-opera vocals accord with the are watching, is just sheer Bliss. pictures of the set being taken this Lee-Roy Chester Brown

VEX RED / THE PATTERN / CRACKOUT Barfly

HAMELL ON TRIAL Barfly HAMELL ON Trial consists of just one bald, scary man who ventures on stage to confront his audience. His voice? Not unlike Woody Allen, but less jittery. His support act were the Jeff Buckleyesque David David who was enjoyable without being brilliant. I won’t even bother making jokes about his name then. In comparison, Hamell oozes charisma from every pore. There’s something distinctly striking about one bald scary man with a Woody Allen voice standing alone on stage with just a halfbroken acoustic guitar. It’s relatively difficult to define his music. Yes, it’s acoustic, but it’s certainly not quietly melodic, strummy strum strum Neil Young fare. It’s energetic almost to the point of being athletic, and very…violent. The majority of his songs were taken from his most recent album, Choochtown. Most are narratives about characters that will crop up in the different tracks. The two most important tracks (according to Hamell), both lyrically portraying different perspectives of one story, are Choochtown and When Bobby Comes Down. These give different accounts of the same mad

WHEATUS / RELISH Great Hall ‘NICE’ IS how I would describe Relish, the first band of this evening. Singing of the joys of

peace and love and how “Everyday’s precious,” it’s no wonder that the seemingly mainly prepubescent audience looks bored. In a society where our teenagers view bands like Slipknot as gods, you can’t blame the optimistic, upbeat Relish for looking slightly out of place tonight. Despite this, Relish’s blend of soulful pop and cheese put the audience in the frame of mind for what’s to follow. Frenzied screams awake me from my daydream as an odd looking geek in a Welsh dragon t-shirt, bright green trousers and dragon shoes bounces onto the stage to the theme tune of Rocky. Wheatus are obviously out to impress tonight, seen especially in their cover of the Stereophonics hit A Thousand Trees. Launching into a manic version of Truffles, Wheatus sound surprisingly good. As they play through an array of songs from their self-titled album, it worries me how singer Brendan manages to go from low drone to whining girl vocally in seconds (in particular audience favourite Freak On). Percussionist Phil Jimenez is quite possibly the scariest man alive. Man of a million instruments and fruit, he entertained the crowd a treat with his crazy onstage antics, the highlight being where he seductively peeled a banana and shared it with bassist Mike McCabe. As well as being treated to new material like

PIC: Mat Croft

BARFLY’S BURSTING at the seams tonight for the Cardiff leg of the NME upstarts tour. Buckingham trio Crackout are tonight’s opening act, filling the venue with melody-laden guitar pop and quality effervescent rock songs. We are given highlights of their album This Is Really Neat. Songs like Doesn’t Matter Now come across as the type of poppy-punk the social scene would’ve been proud of. Leaving us begging for more with recent single,the Idlewildesque You Dumb Fuck, Crackout turns the place into a pogoing frenzy. Now, however hard I try to think otherwise,I can’t help but compare the next band, The Pattern, with Cardiff favourites Mo-ho-bish-o-pi, not only in terms of style but also their scarilysimilar vocal sound. That aside,the Californian five-piece bring us their own frantic mix of funky rock-n-roll. Even the prog-rock styled Thunder Us with its Spinal Tap feel goes down well with the ‘over-18’ audience. Then for something different. Vex Red produce the kind of dark nu-metal Fred Durst wishes he could still make. Their set, with its Aphex Twin undertones, is clearly what the audience are craving. Melodic,angsty songs like Can’t Smile followed by a sneering cover of the chorus from Christina Aguilera’s Genie In A Bottle shows Vex Red have clearly hit the spot for the Cardiff crowd.Even their outro to a Frank Sinatra track is deemed ‘cool’ by the kids up front. Gemma Jones

evening from two different characters in the Bronx, which sounds like light-hearted Tarantino. Other songs included a track about God and the Devil discussing Bill Hicks; another about wanting to kill his girlfriend’s kid (chorus: “I wanna kill your kid”) and I’m Gonna Watch You Sleep A While. This is a sweeter and quieter track that just falls short of being a love song due to the presence of the line, “Do you dream I find your dad and chop him with a hatchet?” One thing you couldn’t fail to notice was his dynamic and exposed personality. His set is rather informal: I’d believe him if he said he didn’t have a track list. He stops half-way through songs and says, “That reminds me of a great joke…” or gives five-minute-long stories between songs about his friends who died due to falling out of car sunroofs. You can almost imagine them being tracks in themselves since he talks his songs rather than sings them on the whole. So, Hamell On Trial: he’s certainly an engaging personality and he can play guitar at the speed of a stepped-on cat. His lyrics are entertaining, and so is his stage presence. A truly original live experience – definitely worth seeing. Eleri Lloyd

MATT BELLAMY: legend...

THE LOVES: banged bell

Kids Rock!

William McGovern, the audience got what essentially most of them were there for: a rocking version of A Little Respect and ‘classic’ hit Teenage Dirtbag. Wheatus clearly have the ‘angsty’ pre-teen market covered and I even found myself singing along by the end. A surprisingly enjoyable but most definitely once-in-a-lifetime experience. Gemma Jones

MINISTRY OF SOUND TOUR: JOHN FLEMING / MARK HUGHES Solus WE WARMED up with vodkas and grabbed a glo-stick and woz well up for it man, but then we woz kicked outta the union coz of some fire... but it didn’t matter coz we didn’t care, it’s the bass wot counts... and almost no-one danced to Mark Hughes which was wack... but John Fleming is cool, like man, so we all gave im much respect in a area and danced an’ ting... and then Fleming dropped some massive choons... and then we picked ‘em all up after, hahahaha... so we all went back to our flat and jabbered all night coz we woz buzzin and we don’t care bout nuthin but music and bass and dancin yeh... Andrew Davidson

THE LOVES / OUTHOUSE Barfly ON A chilly night in Cardiff, the prospect of checking out psychedelic 60’s good-time pop kids The Loves at Barfly is more than tempting. Although I’ll warn you to arrive late if you see that Outhouse are opening their next gig. Outhouse’s singer sounds like he needs a hard slap on the back to help him clear his throat. Strangely enough, their first number sounds like an acoustic version of Nelly Furtado’s Turn Off The Light, but without energy, sex appeal or chorus. This tiresome threesome want to be Gomez so much it hurts, they need to grasp the concept that you can only get away with stripped down acoustic gigs if your songs are strong and melodic. When The Loves take the stage the audience rouse from their Outhouse-induced state of slumber, perking up at the sight of

six student types sporting ironic ties, badges and scarves between them. Five of the six bear fringes and all look like they’re ready to indulge in free love to the soundtrack of Austin Powers. The tunes do not disappoint. The sound of The Loves is pure ‘60s throwback psyche-pop, big on melody, light optimistic riffs and a constant shake of the tambourine to keep you in time. It couldn’t be more fun. The Loves, despite being tunefully blessed, aren’t the luckiest of bands. Either that or they just use shoddy equipment. Strings break on various occasions, feedback is monumental and at one point percussion is reduced to a cowbell being played with two pens and a mountain climbing buckle. Even these misfortunes can’t dull the impact of The Love’s musical mastery. On stage they’re a crazy house party in 1960, the soundtrack to your perfect highschool prom. Jamie Fullerton

Golden Wonder Bugles

2 packets for 4op Until the end of term

NEW

1 0 %F It’s party season once again and you’re probably wondering what to wear to THAT Christmas Party!

Look no further than Warehouse where there are sequin wrap tops, tiny denim minis scattered with beads and perfect party dresses in an array of icy blues, silver and platinum. We’re also offering you 10% OFF the new collection, so complete your details below and get yourself to Warehouse before heading for the nearest dance floor! To claim your discount hand in this advert when you make your purchase. Name E-mail Amount spent Offer valid from 26th November - 10th December 2001

For use on full price merchandise only - excludes suede & leather and gift vouchers. Only valid in Warehouse Howells, Cardiff.

Tel: 029 20 781472 E-mail shops@cardiff.ac.uk

Data Protection: Occasionally we may send you information on Warehouse and our products and services. If you do not wish to receive any further information please tick this box g

www.cardiffstudents.com The bawdy comedy with knobs on!

“Rich in rudery and ambivalence... Brilliant” The Guardian From the writer of Shopping and F***ing

RU 16 TO 25? £3 tickets when you join re-act our free drama club £5 student standbys: Tues - Fri shows only

by Mark Ravenhill

CONTAINS SCENES AND LANGUAGE WHICH SOME PEOPLE MAY FIND OFFENSIVE

Tues 4 Sat 8 Dec CARDIFF 029 2087 8889

Television

26 November

Monday HTV

S4C

CHANNEL 5

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Crimewatch Daily 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Bargain Hunt 12.00 No Win No Fee 12.30 Perfect Partner 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Doctors 2.40 Diagnosis Murder 3.25 Angelmouse 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 Mona the Vampire 4.10 The Cramp Twins 4.20 Eureka TV 4.35 Stacey Stone 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Welcome to a whole new era for TV Desk. When members are off importing heroin from Afghanistan or surveying...

6.00 Open University: The Cutting Edge of Progress 6.30 Plus ca change 7.00 Albert the 5th Musketeer 7.20 Casper 7.45 Blue Peter 8.10 Brum 8.20 Fireman Sam 8.30 Noddy in Toyland 9.00 Schools 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Brum 1.10 Romuald the Reindeer 1.20 FILM: Imitation of Life 3.20 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 3.30 Esther 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.00 The Weakest Link: Family at War ...teenage boys about pop music, drugs and sex, we’re being helped by some lovely guests. This week, it’s a double act: the Rasta guy who yells about...

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 The Biggest Game in Town 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 House of Horrors 2.10 Crossroads 2.40 Wheel of Fortune 3.05 ITV News Headlines 3.10 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Construction Site 3.35 The Twins 3.50 Bernard's Watch 4.10 Art Attack 4.35 24Seven 5.05 Nuts and Bolts 5.30 Crossroads ...Jesus in Queen Street, and the town crier who yells about sales in, er, Queen Street. Take it away fellas.

6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Ramadan Diaries 12.30 Planed Plant: Pei Pwmpan 12.45 Planed Plant: Miffi 1.15 Extremes 2.15 Escape from Colditz 3.15 A Place in the Sun 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown Richard Whiteley was SENT DOWN FROM THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN to save us ALL from OUR SINS!! Worship him!! Your soul will be CLEANSED WITH RUBBISH ANECDOTES!! 5.00 Planed Plant: Uned 5 5.15 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.30 Don Roaming

6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.02 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.25 Rolie Polie Olie 7.55 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.25 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 8.55 Beachcomber Bay 9.20 Ricki Lake 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 LA Doctors 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 Oprah 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: Ice 5.15 Russell Grant's Postcards Hear ye, hear ye! Russell Grant still has a career on terrestrial television! I don’t know why either!! 5.30 5 News

6.00 BBC News; Weather 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 X Ray 7.30 Holiday Craig Doyle takes a holiday in ETERNAL PARADISE! He has BEEN SAVED! TURN TO JESUS! 8.00 EastEnders Hear ye, hear ye! Roy realises that his life could be about to change forever! Yes, that’s right! FOREVER! 8.30 Judge John Deed 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 The Exchange with Huw Edwards 11.15 Kids behind Bars Hear ye, hear ye! Go to the Preview immediately! THEN GO TO CHURCH! There to WORSHIP OUR SAVIOUR! Eat of this tasty DOMINO’S PRO-LIFE PIZZA, it is His BODY! Drink of this LASH, it is His BLOOD!! 12.50 FILM: Desert Gamble Hear Ford, hear Ford! She has an opinion on nearly every film ever made! “Never heard of it. Sounds like it’s about Saddam Hussein.” Oh. Bugger. 2.25 Joins BBC News 24 HOW JOURNALISM WORKS PART ELEVENTYNINE ■ I GUESS HE JUST CARES TOO MUCH ■ DINNER?

6.00 The Simpsons Bart, Lisa and their classmates fight for survival when they become stranded on a remote island. Hear ye, hear ye! This one is funny! Watch it! 6.20 Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons 6.45 Farscape 7.30 From Here to Modernity A three-part documentary series charting the rise and fall of the often vilified modernist architectural movement. There is no architect but GOD, WHO RESIDES IN HIS KINGDOM OF HEAVEN!!! And possibly Jack. And Robin Jackson. 8.00 University Challenge 8.30 House Detectives Hear ye, hear ye! The detectives are called in to investigate a spooky underground room which may be haunted! IT IS SATAN’S WORK! DRIVE HIM OUT BY TURNING TO JESUS!! Hear ye, hear ye! Piss off and do ye own listings! SORRY. 9.00 The Kumars at No 42 9.30 Dr Terrible's House of Horrible 10.00 Mr Charity 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Steps for the Future: It's My Life 12.05 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning Zone

6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 The Ferret The consumer show that ferrets out the answers for people who feel they have been shortchanged. PRESENTED BY GOD! HE CAN STILL SAVE YOU IN YOUR DARKEST HOURS! Hear ye, hear... GET OFF MY PATCH OR FEEL THE TERRIFYING WRATH OF THE LORD! Ye started it! 8.30 Shafted 9.00 Cold Feet 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.20 Celebrity Villain: Real Life Hear ye, hear ye! This is a behind-the-scenes look at the court case of exgangster Dave Courtney... ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE! ...Look, will ye fuck OFF! 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 The Premiership 12.35 UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.00 Nationwide Football League Extra 1.40 Young, Gifted and Broke 2.05 Trisha 3.05 The Web Review 3.30 Box Office America 3.55 ITV Sport Classics 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Newyddion 6 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Ma' Ifan 'Ma 8.30 Pobl y Glannau 9.00 Y Byd ar Bedwar 9.30 Sgorio 10.35 FILM: The Limey Hear ye, hear ye! Hopefully Ford will have an opinion this time! “Haven’t seen it, but Peter Fonda is always good. And Stephen Soderbergh is an awesome director.” Heartfelt thanks to ye, Ford, heartfelt thanks! Incidentally, can I just use this space to advertise some GIANT discounts... (No – Ed) 12.15 Witness - The Train 1.15 Football Italia La Partita 2.15 FILM: Billy the Kid A FILM may provide SHORT-TERM salvation, but only JESUS, THE HOLY SON OF GOD can bring you ETERNAL GRATIFICATION! Ford, pass comment on THIS GODLESS STRAW MAN! “I haven’t seen it, but Billy The Kid was cool in Bill And Ted.” I SEE. 4.00 Schools Hello, is that the police? Hear ye, hear ye! There is a nutbag on my patch in Queen Street! I am trying to do the TV listings and he keeps shouting about Jesus!

6.00 Home and Away It’d be much appreciated if ye could come and whisk him away, possibly to prison. That’s PRISON, ladies and gentlemen! Then things can return to normal and I can continue to shout interminably about rubbish Aussie soaps and stuff! Hear ye! 6.30 Family Affairs Jim is devastated when Nikki ends it with him over Cat's pregnancy. MAY THE LORD STRIKE DOWN A WOMAN WHO... Just go away! Go away! Go away! ...NO!! BEGONE, FILTHY HEATHEN! ...Fuck OFF! 7.00 The Best of the X Games Look, sorry about this but it’s all gone tits-up. I should have known this was never going to work. We’ll get the guy who sings into a kid’s microphone next week. 7.30 5 News 8.00 Floyd's India 8.30 Hot Property 9.00 FILM: Extreme Prejudice 11.05 The Pepsi Chart 11.10 Urban Gothic II 11.40 The Others 12.35 NFL Update 1.10 Kick Boxing 2.00 Ironman Triathlon - Lake Placid 2.45 European Drag Racing 3.15 US Major League Soccer Cup Final 4.30 Dutch Football

Kids Behind Bars BBC 1 11.15pm

From Here to Modernity BBC 2 7.30pm

Cold Feet ITV 9.00pm

Real Wizards

Channel 4

8.30pm

STAYING IN TONIGHT? Call for the latest student deals

CHOICE Kids Behind Bars BBC1, 11.15pm

(029) 2022 9977

62 CRWYS ROAD, CARDIFF

Attempting to make a prison system flawless is always going to be impossible, yet young offenders’ institutions in this country seem to be more fraught with problems than one might hope.

Monday 26 November

Evening

BBC 2

Today’s Highlights

Daytime

BBC 1

This documentary paints a bigger picture by looking at the way youngsters are dealt with here and abroad. The problems appear to be a microcosm of the tensions seen in ‘adult’ jails: some children are serving heavy sentences for petty offences, while others have already become hardened criminals. The inescapable fact that some kids are just naughty little shits doubtless also puts a spin on the whole business.

26.11.01

filmreviews/competition/profile

It’s all me, me, me ME WITHOUT YOU Starring: Anna Friel, Kyle MacLachlan, Anna Popplewell Dir: Sandra Goldbacher 12, 102 mins

Where are all the ghosts?

GHOST WORLD Starring: Thora Birch, Scarlett Johansson, Steve Buscemi, Brad Renfro Dir: Terry Zwigoff 15, 111 mins

Actor Profile: Steve Buscemi

Weekly Film Competition

gairrhydd in association with

Television

28 November

Wednesday HTV

S4C

CHANNEL 5

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy Special 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Bargain Hunt 12.00 No Win No Fee 12.30 Perfect Partner 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Doctors 2.40 Diagnosis Murder 3.25 Angelmouse 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 Mona the Vampire 4.10 Jackie Chan Adventures Surely the wrong slot for chop-socky action. 4.30 The Borrowers 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround Has anybody seen new presenter Becky Jago? This girl is going places. 5.35 Neighbours

6.00 Open University 6.30 The Clinical Psychologist 7.00 Smurfs 7.25 UBOS 7.45 SMart 8.10 Bob the Builder 8.20 Fireman Sam 8.30 Noddy 9.00 Tweenies 9.40 Playdays 10.00 Teletubbies 10.50 Schools 12.20 Landmark Shorts 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Bob the Builder 1.20 FILM: Private Hell 36 2.40 Assembly Live 3.50 BBC News 4.00 Awash with Colour 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link Today, Robinson vomits up a baleful rat that predicts the return of Satan before chasing the Stage Manager out of the studio.

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 The Biggest Game in Town 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 Britain at War in Colour 2.10 Crossroads 2.40 Wheel of Fortune 3.05 ITV News Headlines 3.10 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Construction Site 3.35 The Twins 3.50 Bernard's Watch 4.10 Art Attack Never again reached the heights of when Neil Buchanan made a gash. Gooey scenes. 4.35 24Seven 5.05 Night and Day 5.30 Crossroads

6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant: Bwgan 12.45 Planed Plant: Sionyn 1.15 A Place in the Sun 1.45 Grand Designs Revisited 2.45 Richard and Judy Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Y Rhagalen Wirion 5.15 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.30 Don Roaming Don Fisher roams around the streets of Fishguard looking for a fight. Bill Oddie happily obliges and proceeds to kick the shit out of him. Innovative TV.

6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.02 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.25 Rolie Polie Olie 7.55 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.25 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 8.55 Beachcomber Bay 9.20 Ricki Lake 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 LA Doctors 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 Oprah 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.45 FILM: The Stepford Husbands 5.30 5 News National This week the Channel Five evening television listings are brought to you by TV legend Paul Hendy.

6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 A Question of Sport The world of leather that is known as Sue Barker presides over another half-hour of hilarity and sports trivia. 7.30 The Bench 8.00 Science of Walking with Beasts. The science of walking of beasts is to make up the wierdest looking animal, add a little computerised jiggerypokery, and pass it off as serious natural history. I look at some of these creatures and think: didn’t I draw that when I was eight and call it a pigoctosaurus? 8.50 National Lottery Winning Lines 9.00 Crimewatch UK 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Crimewatch UK Update 10.45 Band of Brothers 11.40 Match of the Day Highlights of Jewson Eastern Premier Division. 12.20 The Practice 1.10 Sign One: Panorama 1.50 Sign One: Watchdog 2.20 Sign One: Antiques Roadshow 3.05 Sign One: The Blue Planet 3.55 Sign One: Holiday 4.25 Joins BBC News 24

6.00 TOTP 2 6.40 Fresh Prince of Bel Air 7.05 International Rugby: Barbarians v Australia Sportsdesk: “As crowd-entertainers first, The Barbarians will probably lack a tactical kicking game and thus suffer defensively. Therefore, I predict a narrow win for the Australians.” The beauty of that prediction has reduced me to tears. 9.00 Wild Africa 9.50 Taboo: Generation Sex A programme strictly watched by adolescent boys wanting to cop a load of some boobies. Which includes me. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Steps for the Future: A Red Ribbon around My House 11.50 48 Preludes and Fugues 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning Zone: Open University: The Ad Factor 1.00 Ever Wondered? 1.30 Was Anybody There? So many questions all of a sudden. 2.00 Secondary Schools: Religious Education 4.00 Languages: Work Talk: France 5.00 Working for Local Government: Numeracy and Communication Skills

6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 The Royal Variety Performance 2001 The Queen attends sparkling charity gala. The line-up includes J-Lo, Elton John and bizarrely Al Murray. From personal memory, his show includes gratuitous use of the word ‘cunt’. Let’s hope he doesn’t water it down just for the Queen’s sake. I’ve heard she’s a foul-mouthed old bitch anyway. 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.20 Stars in Their Dressing Rooms Including Jonathon King’s dressing room which he decorated in the style of a nursery for some reason. 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 Classic Albums Featuring Big Fun. 12.35 FILM: Warlock: The Armageddon Son of the devil comes to earth and wreaks havoc. Starring Jeremy Beadle. Won special Oscar recognition for achievement in creation of prosthetic monkey paws. 2.15 Trisha 3.05 Tri 2001 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Trafferth Mewn Tafarn 8.30 Ffermio 9.00 Real Wizards: The Search for Harry's Ancestors 10.30 Brookside 11.00 Brookside 11.30 Ally McBeal 12.30 Together Again 1.00 The Cut with Jo Whiley 1.45 Pump Up the Volume 2.45 David Blaine – Frozen in Time 3.45 Football Italia

6.00 Home and Away Hello it’s me Paul Hendy! That’s right Paul Hendy! First we take a trip down to Summer Bay! Cool! 6.30 Family Affairs Roy is horrified to discover that Funktions is an escort business! Oh no! By the way I’m Paul Hendy! 7.00 The Movie Chart Show I’m bored now so I’m going to hand over to my good friend Jeffrey Archer. I’ve been Paul Hendy! Thank you! 7.30 News Oh hellooo! Clip, clip,clip, clip, Mr. Crick! The BBC! Just you wait till I’m Mayor of London then you’ll see how tough I am! Jesus Christ! 8.00 What Makes Jeffrey Tick? What makes me sick more like! Jesus Christ! 9.00 FILM: An Innocent Man Thanks for that Jeffrey. I think you better go and sit in the corner over there. 11.15 outTHERE Jesus Christ! Get away Jeffrey. 11.45 The Comedy Store 12.15 Live NHL Ice Hockey: Chicago Shithawks v Vancouver Canucks 3.20 NHL Ice Hockey Replay: Detroit Brown Wings v Chicago Shithawks.

CH4 As S4C except: 6.00 The Magic Roundabout 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 4Learning 12.30 Nikki 12.55 Cheers 1.25 Supporting Acts 1.35 FILM: Torpedo Run 3.15 Don Roaming 4.15 5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 Shipwrecked 3 6.30 Hollyoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Asylum Stories 8.00 Brookside 8.30 Brookside 9.00 Ally McBeal 9.55 Ally McBeal 10.45 Together Again: Reece and Loretta 11.20 The Cut with Jo Whiley 12.10 House of Rock 12.25 Pioneers 12.40 The Pixies: Gouge 1.40 DJ Diaries 2.00 FIVB Beach Volleyball World Tour 2.30 Formula Four Powerboat Championships 2.55 Trans World Sport 3.50 2001 Silverstone Historic Festival 4.45 Powerhouse 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Bagpuss

Science of Walking with Beasts BBC 1 8.00 pm

Wild Africa BBC 2 9.00pm

Coronation Street ITV 7.30pm

Brookside Channel 4 8.00pm STAYING IN TONIGHT? Call for the latest student deals

CHOICE Richard and Judy Channel 4, 5.00pm

(029) 2022 9977

62 CRWYS ROAD, CARDIFF

Yes, ladies and gentlemen they’re back. The ultimate combination of a quivering alcoholic and misogynist kleptomaniac have hit our screens once again. Given Channel Four’s reputation as a station

Wednesday 28 November

Evening

BBC 2

Today’s Highlights

Daytime

BBC 1

that pulls no punches when it comes to groundbreaking television, the expectations are high. I’m predicting that we have not seen the last of Judy’s ample bosom and who knows what Mr. Madeley has in store for us. That simply hilarious Ali G impression was surely only the tip of his massive comedy iceberg. I’ve heard that Richard is preparing to black himself up for a remake of Diff’rent Strokes. Can’t wait.

Television

29 November

Thursday

Home Front BBC 2 9.00pm

HTV

S4C

CHANNEL 5

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Crimewatch Daily 11.00 Bargain Hunt 11.45 September 11th – UK Families Remember 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Doctors 2.40 Diagnosis Murder 3.25 Angelmouse 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 Mona the Vampire 4.10 UBOS 4.35 Hollywood 7 5.00 SMart 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Lou puts his foot down with John and Sandy Allen. Harold's council meeting does not go according to plan. Business is bad for Joe. This is rather disappointing, Neighbours is becoming consistently smutfree. Not good enough....

6.00 Open University 7.00 The Magical Adventures of Quasimodo 7.20 Casper 7.45 Blue Peter 8.10 Dr Otter 8.20 Fireman Sam 8.30 Noddy in Toyland 9.00 Tweenies 9.40 Playdays 10.00 Teletubbies 10.50 Schools 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Dr Otter 1.10 FILM: Mr and Mrs Smith 2.40 Assembly Live 3.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3.30 Esther 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link This should have gone on Monday about University Challenge but I’ve only just remembered. Apparently, Cranfield College (or something) were on and were spectacularly bad and at the end our Lord...

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 The Biggest Game in Town 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 The Farmer Wants a Wife 2.10 Crossroads 2.40 Wheel of Fortune 3.05 ITV News Headlines 3.10 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Merlin the Magical Puppy 3.35 The Twins 3.50 Bernard's Watch 4.10 Art Attack 4.35 24Seven 5.05 Night and Day 5.30 Crossroads ...Paxman said, “Well, you’re more like Crapfield College, aren’t you?”. He was told he wasn’t allowed to say that and...

6.05 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant: Saith 12.45 Planed Plant: Bibi 1.15 Churchill's Secret Army 1.45 A Place in the Sun 2.45 Richard and Judy 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Planed Plant: Uned 5 5.30 Don Roaming ...apparently kicked up a bit of a fuss in a kind of “Why not? It’s funny. It’s my bloody show...” etc. What an awesome, awesome man. As ever, if anyone has his phone number please can they leave it in the office for me. Or Alan Rickman’s – he was ace in Harry Potter. Dead sinister, like.

6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.02 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.25 Rolie Polie Olie 7.55 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.25 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 8.55 Beachcomber Bay 9.20 Ricki Lake 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 LA Doctors 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 Oprah 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: The Helicopter Spies “Of all the aircraft in which to carry out quiet, secret missions, the helicopter is probably the worst,” advises amateur sleuthish Film Desk. 5.30 5 News This is like, news and stuff. But I guess you knew.

6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 Watchdog The team investigate the pet shop chain whose fish keep dying. Don’t investigate them, you should be consoling them – the death of a fish can be a difficult time for everyone. Ask my housemate’s boyfriend who refused to go for a slash after we’d flushed a dead goldfish down the bog. 7.30 EastEnders Mel and Ian put the finishing touches to their grand opening. A grand opening, you say? FNARR. Sorry. 8.00 Kenyon Confronts: The R.I.P Off Has anyone in here ever faked their own death? “I died when I was two,” reveals Other TV Desk, “I don’t need to fake it.” 8.30 Walking with Beasts: Land of Giants 9.00 Shops, Robbers and Videotape 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Question Time 11.35 Film 2001 with Jonathan Ross 12.05 Liquid News 12.40 FILM: Same Time, Next Year “Doesn’t sound too bad and it’s got Alan Alda in – he was in M*A*S*H so he’s a legend,” spouts Film Desk, keeping an eye out for rogue guest TV writers. 2.40 Joins BBC News 24

6.00 The New Adventures of Superman 6.45 Buffy the Vampire Slayer Craig David in the house as a guest reviewer in this column, mmm, yeah. Craig David loves this show, baby, giveitup, giveitup, giveitup, mmm-mm, yeah-ah. 7.30 Reel Time: Cinema 8.00 Dragon’s Eye 8.30 What Not to Wear Craig David in Evisu in the house, mmm, yeah, breakitdown, breakitdown. 9.00 Home Front Craig David lights some candles, turns the lights down low, baby, yeah. Gonna make this mood so right, for you tonight, mmm, baby. I got some sweet soulful songs for you, sexy lady. Gonna make you feel so good, like I know I should, mmm, yeah, bringiton, bringiton, bringiton. 10.00 attachments Craig David on the internet, looking at porn beautiful ladies, mmm, yeah. 10.30 Newsnight Yeah, mmmm, mm-mm, Craig David’s gonna discuss the Taliban, baby, and the thorny issue of establishing a stable power base in Afghanistan, baby, yeah. 11.20 Steps for the Future: Mother to Child 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning

6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Turner is horrified that Kathy has abducted Alice, but she is determined to keep her. Things get even weirder when it’s revealed that Kathy is an alien and intends to take Alice up to the mothership which is hovering above Ilkley Moor. 7.30 Wales This Week 8.00 Coronation Street Vera infuriates Jack by giving Terry some home comforts. Fnarr.... 8.30 Peak Practice 9.30 The Farmer Wants a Wife Yeah? And I want a boxset of Willy Fogg videos but I don’t go shouting about it and I definitely don’t get a 12-part ITV series about it. Bloody farmers. Alan Partridge had the right idea about them.... 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.20 Night and Day 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 Sharp End 12.00 The Night Before The Morning After 12.30 Young, Gifted and Broke 1.00 Days like These 1.25 CD:UK 2.15 ITV at the Festivals 2001 3.10 Cybernet 3.35 Judge Judy 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Brodyr Bach 8.30 Ar y Bocs 9.00 Secrets of the Dead: The First Human? 10.00 Driven 10.30 Y Sesiwn Hwyr 11.35 Faking It This was brilliant last week with the ballet dancer/wrestler. I think I love him. Lovely, lovely, Casper.... 12.35 Murder in Paradise 1.35 Action 2.05 Third Watch 2.55 FILM: Dawn Patrol

6.00 Home and Away Hayley reluctantly tells Noah about her past relationship with Sam. Noah, meanwhile, tends to his many animals and comments that it looks like rain. 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 The Pepsi Chart 7.30 5 News 8.00 Scenes of Crime: Political Murders 8.30 Arrest and Trial 9.00 FILM: Billy Bathgate “Ooh, gangstery thing with a screenplay by Tom Stoppard – lots of blood too. Nice,” murmurs an unusually complimentary Film Desk, trying hard not to think about snot. 11.05 Sex and Shopping This edition comes from New York, where Mayor Rudolph Giuliani has implemented his crackdown on 42nd Street sleaze. Glad to see that among all the devastation of the Twin Towers and the Queens crash, the moral majority are still sticking their oar in. Losers. 12.05 European Blue Review 12.35 Jonathan Pearce's Football Night 1.20 Dutch Football: Ajax v Vitesse Arnhem “Ajax to get a clean sweep,” mugs Gag Desk. 2.55 Argentinian Football 4.30 2001 Winter X Games

CH4. As S4C except: 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 4Learning 12.30 Nikki 12.55 Cheers 1.25 Supporting Acts 1.30 FILM: Very Important Person 3.15 Don Roaming 3.45 4.15 5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 Shipwrecked Extra 6.30 Hollyoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Asylum Stories: Strings of Life 8.00 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Sleepers: Undercover with the Racists 10.00 Eurotrash 10.30 The Sopranos 11.45 The Comedy Lab 12.15 Action 12.45 4 Later: Late Night Poker 1.50 4 Later: Onedottv 2.15 The Drew Carey Show 2.40 Meego 3.05 Football Italia Mezzanotte 4.50 Powerhouse 5.15 Countdown

Evening

Thursday 29 November

Peak Practice ITV 8.30pm

BBC 2

Daytime

Today’s Highlights

Eastenders BBC 1 7.30pm

BBC 1

The Sopranos Channel 4 10.30pm

CHOICE Sleepers: Undercover With The Racists Channel 4, 9.00pm

nershop in an Asian community exposed to racist activity. The other sets about infiltrating the extreme right, and the resulting film reveals a comprehensive picture of racism at all levels.

Plenty of insightful undercover action here as reporters reveal the extent of racism in Britain today. One of the reporting pair opens a cor-

Scenes of Crime: Political Murders Channel 5, 8.00pm

The crime documentary series looks at the 1978 murder of Georgi Markov, a Londonbased Bulgarian journalist. While standing waiting for a bus to BBC's Bush House, he was poked in the thigh with an umbrella. Three days later he died in agony, poisoned by a pellet somehow injected through the umbrella point. The case remains unsolved to this day. Brilliant! James Bond.... 26.11.01

Television

30 November

Friday HTV

S4C

CHANNEL 5

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Crimewatch Daily 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Bargain Hunt 12.00 No Win No Fee 12.30 Perfect Partner 1.00 BBC News 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Doctors 2.40 Diagnosis Murder 3.25 Angelmouse 3.30 Tweenies 3.50 Mona the Vampire 4.10 Super Duper Sumos 4.35 Record Breakers 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Lou's hardline approach is rejected by the Allens. I read that in a hurry and thought it said, “Lou’s hairline approach is rejected by the aliens”. And that shouldn’t have made me laugh. But it did.

6.00 Open University 7.00 The Puppy's New Adventures 7.25 UBOS 7.45 SMart 8.10 Bill and Ben 8.20 Fireman Sam 8.30 Noddy in Toyland 9.00 Tweenies 9.40 Playdays 10.00 Teletubbies 10.50 Schools 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Bill and Ben 1.10 Romuald the Reindeer 1.20 Wildlife on Two 1.50 Racing from Newbury 3.20 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 3.30 Esther 4.30 Ready, Steady, Cook 5.15 The Weakest Link: Bad Losers Nine contestants, who believe that they were unfairly voted off the show before, return. Yes! Revenge! Kill the witch! Burn her! Burn her!

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Watch to Win 9.30 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 The Biggest Game in Town 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 Catchphrase 2.10 Village People 2.40 Passion for Fashion 3.05 ITV News Headlines 3.10 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Construction Site 3.35 The Twins 3.50 Bernard's Watch 4.10 Art Attack 4.35 24Seven 5.05 Nuts and Bolts 5.30 The Biggest Game in Town A freakishly big Pop-Up Pirate stops the traffic in the middle of Uttoxeter. Go Pirate!

6.05 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 The Big Breakfast 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant: Tecwyn y Tractor 12.45 Planed Plant: Sali Mali 1.15 Extremes 2.15 A Place in the Sun 2.45 Richard and Judy 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Y Rhagalen Wirion Na 5.15 Na Dderyn 5.30 Don Roaming He is in the seaside resort of Weymouth, where he helps audition dogs for a hypnotist act. There are some days where the listings just don’t need any additions. This is almost becoming one of them. Praise be (but not with Thora Hird).

6.00 ITN News Channel 7.00 Milkshake! 7.02 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.25 Rolie Polie Olie 7.55 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.25 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 8.55 Beachcomber Bay 9.20 Ricki Lake 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 LA Doctors 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 Oprah 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: A Brother's Promise: the Dan Jansen Story 5.25 Russell Grant's Postcards 5.30 5 News Apropos of Thora Hird (see left) can I just say, “Churchillsh, the name you can tschwust.” Senility, don’t you love it?

6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 Celebrity Ready, Steady, Cook With guests Amanda Burton and Bradley Walsh. Good God almighty, this must be the nadir for BBC programming. 7.30 Top of the Pops 8.00 EastEnders Tensions between Steve and Nathan reach a climax. FNARR! 8.30 My Family Nick plus a motorcycle produces a combination guaranteed to bring sleepless nights to Ben and Susan. Gosh, that could work literally and metaphorically. How very clever. 9.00 Have I Got News for You 9.30 Gimme Gimme Gimme 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 large 11.05 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross With special guest Tracy Emin. Should be, erm, interesting ::raises eyebrows to indicate that ‘interesting’ here means ‘calculatingly offensive but not offensive at all’:: 11.45 Alistair McGowan's Big Impression 12.15 The Stand-Up Show 12.45 LA Pool Party 1.35 FILM: Race against Time: the Search for Sarah 3.05 Joins BBC News 24

6.00 Robot Wars Extreme Game show featuring the most deadly robots ever seen on the programme. Plunderbird 5 and Sir Chromalot go head-to-head to see who is the greater showman. I reckon a Casio keyboard on wheels would be the best ‘showman’ robot. I may build one this weekend. No, wait, I’m going to a wedding. I’ll do it next week. 6.45 Scrum V Live 9.30 Band of Brothers Easy Company captures Hitler's mountaintop fortress Eagle's Nest. And finds that Lawrence Llewllyn Bowen has beaten them to it and put in some faux gothic drapes and some loft-style seating. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 Later with Jools Holland Jools Holland introduces a diverse mix of live music. Featuring the Lighthouse Family, Feeder, Belle & Sebastian and Boz Scaggs. Fucking Lighthouse Family? Fuck off. Although you’ll all be pleased to hear that Savage Garden have split up. Sadly, not into little messy pieces that can’t be sewn back together. But you can’t have everything.... 12.35 The X Files 1.20 Trevor Nelson's Urban Choice 1.50 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 3.00 BBC Learning Zone

6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street Curly is put in a difficult position. Oh, this is almost too easy...FNARR! 8.00 Rich and Famous 8.30 The Bill 9.30 Bruce Forsyth on Bruce Forsyth A shamelessly self-important exercise. But it’s a million times better than, say, ‘Bruce Forsyth squatting naked on a glass table’ – which is just disgusting. 10.30 Tarrant on TV Fuck that weird Endurance stuff – one member of TV Desk has just drunk half a pint of water that’s got sea-monkeys growing in it. Nick, why did you do that? “Because Sport told me to.” Fair enough. Urgh! He just gagged! I think he’s going to puke! Watch this space.... 11.00 ITV Weekend News National and international round-up, plus weather. 11.20 HTV News and Weather 11.30 Party in the Park 12.30 Dial-a-Date 1.00 Jeff Green Live 1.45 New Music Television 2.10 Take the Mike 2.40 Box Office America 3.05 World Football 3.30 Trisha 4.30 Judge Judy 4.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Newyddion 6 News 6.10 Heno 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News 8.00 Cefn Gwlad: Dafydd Wyn Jones 8.30 Yma Mae 'Nghan 9.00 Friends 9.30 Will and Grace 10.00 Brookside 10.35 So Graham Norton 11.25 Eurotrash 11.55 Sex and the City 12.30 The Fugitive 1.25 Thumb Bandits 1.55 The Comedy Lab 2.25 Hotsand: FIVB Beach Volleyball World Tour 2001 2.55 FILM: Jerry and Tom

6.00 Home and Away Ohmigod! Nick just drank more of that sea-monkey water and I think he’s actually been sick off the balcony. If you were in the postgrad centre just before midnight last Thursday and someone puked on you, we’re very sorry. But it was funny from up here. 6.30 Family Affairs Cat is crushed when Jim confronts and accuses her of lying about the pregnancy. I think it must have been the shock – finding out you’re expecting 14 kittens doesn’t happen every day. 7.00 Toyota World of Wildlife: Strange Creatures 7.30 5 News 8.00 Secrets of World War II: Kamikaze Weapons 8.30 Britain's War Heroes: Rogue Warrior 9.00 FILM: The Stranger Beside Me With TiffaniAmber Thiessen “I don’t need to add anything,” sniffs uppity Film Desk. 10.55 FILM: The Ups and Downs of a Handyman Bawdy farce about a randy Mr Fix-it with an ever-ready toolbox. It says here. 12.35 FILM: Annihilator 2.10 FILM: Little Girl Lost 3.45 Police Academy – The Series 4.30 Monsters 4.50 Strange Luck 5.35 Okavango All the sea-monkeys have gone! Sports Desk finished them. Oh my sweet, sweet days...

CH4. As S4C except: 6.00 The Magic Roundabout 6.35 7.00 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 4Learning 12.30 Nikki 1.00 Icons: Liza Minelli 1.10 FILM: Odette 3.15 Don Roaming 4.15 5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 The Fugitive 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Going Critical: The Eruption of Mount St Helens 8.00 In Search of Mythical Monsters: Lake Monster 8.30 Brookside 9.00 Friends 9.30 Will and Grace 10.00 Frasier 10.30 So Graham Norton 11.20 Sex and the City 11.55 Thumb Bandits 12.30 Pets 12.45 King of the Hill 1.10 The Cut with Jo Whiley 2.00 Third Watch 2.45 Third Watch 3.35 Meego 4.00 Jack and Jill 4.45 Powerhouse 5.10 Countdown

Friday Night with Jonathan Ross BBC 1 11.05pm

Later...with Jools Holland BBC 2 11.35pm

Rich and Famous ITV 8.00pm

Friends Channel 4 9.00pm STAYING IN TONIGHT? Call for the latest student deals

CHOICE Britain’s War Heroes: Rogue Warrior Channel 5, 8.30pm

(029) 2022 9977

62 CRWYS ROAD, CARDIFF

Documentary about maverick, hellraiser and SAS hero of the Second World War, Blair ‘Paddy’ Mayne, a man credited with destroying hundreds of German

Friday 30 November

Evening

BBC 2

Today’s Highlights

Daytime

BBC 1

aircraft, convoys and arms dumps, and killing dozens of men with his bare hands. Now that’s the sort of grandad you want. Someone who tells anecdotes like they mean it. I’m reminded of a letter in Viz once: ‘Who says WW2 was terrible? I was in it and I rode a motorbike, shagged a nurse and shot three Germans. It was bloody brilliant.’ Oh, and a sea-monkey update – Nick just coughed up some sick. But it’s gone back down. Phew, eh?

Television

1 December

Saturday

Monty Python Night BBC 2 9.15pm

BBC 2

HTV

S4C

CHANNEL 5

7.00 Tweenies Christmas Countdown; Little Bear 7.30 Brum 7.40 Fix and Foxi 7.50 Flint the Time Detective 8.15 Bruno the Kid 8.35 Rugrats 9.00 The Saturday Show 12.00 Football Focus 12.50 BBC News; Weather 1.00 Grandstand 1.10 Racing from Newbury 1.25 Rugby Union 1.40 Racing from Newbury 2.40 Skiing 2.55 Rally of Great Britain 3.30 Ellen MacArthur 3.45 Football Half-Times 3.55 Boxing 4.45 Wales on Saturday 5.20 BBC News; Weather 5.35 Wales Today 5.40 Top of the Pops Awards

7.00 Weekend 24 9.00 FILM: Bodyguard 10.00 World Cup 2002 Draw Live 11.45 See Hear on Saturday 12.30 Home Front Tricks 12.35 Stingray 1.00 Science Shack 1.30 The Phil Silvers Show 1.55 FILM: Black Narcissus 3.35 FILM: Escape to Burma 5.00 TOTP 2 5.40 FILM: Day of the Evil Gun Firstly, can we just thank everyone who contributed to our Starving Steed appeal. We are happy to report that the horse has now been fed. Next week, we’ll introduce our Irrigating Twat campaign, which aims to lay pipe in places that most need it.

6.00 GMTV 9.25 SMTV Live 11.30 CD:UK 12.30 On the Ball 1.20 ITV News; Weather 1.25 HTV News and Weather 1.30 Digimon 1.55 Hey Arnold! 2.20 The Angry Beavers 2.40 Animal Stories 3.05 FILM: Once upon a Forest 4.20 The Goal Rush 5.05 HTV News and Weather 5.20 ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5.40 Challenge of a Lifetime In the meantime, here’s Saturday’s celebrity TV Desk contributor – Detroit luminary and pioneer of ‘ghetto booty’, DJ Assault! Strap yourselves down, Assault is gonna bang in your face.

6.05 The Hoobs 6.35 Blue's Clues 7.00 Formula Rally 8.00 Trans World Sport 9.00 The Morning Line 10.00 Shipwrecked 3 10.30 Shipwrecked 3 11.00 Scrapheap Challenge 12.00 Planed Plant: Adfent 12.15 Planed Plant: Caio 12.30 Stargate SG-1 1.30 King of the Hill Yo wassup Cardiff brothas and Cardiff hoes, this is DJ Assault off the muthafuckin’ chain for the Y2K+1. Hank Hill. Yo! Dude’s my homie. 2.00 Channel 4 Racing from Haydock Park and Newcastle 4.00 New York 5.00 Newyddion News. 5.10 Y Clwb Rygbi

6.00 Russell Grant's Postcards 6.05 WideWorld 6.30 WideWorld 7.00 ITN News Channel 7.30 Milkshake! 7.35 Redwall 8.00 The Powerpuff Girls 8.15 FILM: Babes in Toyland 10.00 USA High 10.30 Date That 11.00 Core News 11.05 Edgemont 11.30 The Academy 12.00 5 News at Lunchtime 12.10 Home and Away Omnibus 2.15 Atlantis High 2.45 The Pepsi Chart 3.15 Harry and Cosh 3.40 School 4.40 Dark Knight 5.40 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Bribery and Corruption Rendell is one mad hoe. I seen a man die. Gun to his head – boom.

7.10 The Waiting Game Ruby Wax – mad hoe. Totally on my dick. Waiting Game? Wassup wit that shit Rube? Don’t be dick-teasin’ Assault, come to my pad and let me bang. 7.50 The National Lottery Jet Set Lottery ain’t all that, readers. Second you become a playa wit mad cash, they gold-diggin’ bitches come out wantin’ a piece of yo’ ass. So be warned. 8.25 Casualty Patrick has to deal with a man whose injuries are not as straightforward as they seem. Did I tell you I seen a man die? (Yes – Ed) 9.15 The Vicar of Dibley 9.55 BBC News; Weather 10.15 Parkinson Guests include Cilla Black, Liza Tarbuck and Michael Crawford. Cilla – don’t give a fuck if you’re eight or 80. Liza – big booty bitch. 11.15 FILM: Medicine Man Wathan: “I’ve seen it and I like it, but it was one of those films you watch with your parents.” Fuck dat shit Wathan. Yo momma and yo daddy – deez HOES. 1.00 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 1.40 A Question of Sport 2.10 Top of the Pops 2.40 Joins BBC News 24

7.15 What the Papers Say “DJ ASSAULT IS THE ILLEST MOTHERFUCKER ON THIS PLANET AND HE BRING MAD GHETTO TECH” – all newspapers y’all. 7.25 The Spying Dame Michael Cockerell talks to former head of MI5 Stella Rimington. Freestyle... Dis bitch be spying on my dick, throw dat hoe and fuck dat shit, dis track is for those undercover, shoot yo daddy and fuck yo mother. Sorry, bit of an off day. 8.25 The Lesley Garrett Show 9.15 I Love Monty Python 10.25 FILM: Monty Python and the Holy Grail Deez Pythons are down wit da click. We be hip-hop so we prefer Benny Hill – the way he patted that little guy on the head, hee hee, it was crazy shit – but Assault suggests you point your gat at the Preview right now. 11.50 FILM: Brazil Now what be this shit? None of da GR crew has seen this motherfucker. Terry Gilliam directed it though, so mad props to him. 2.10 Robot Wars Extreme 3.00 BBC Learning Zone: Secondary Schools: AS Guru: English 1

6.10 Pop Idol Ant and Dec: fake-ass wiggaz. Assault wreck they goddamn mic befo’ breakfast. Word. 7.10 Blind Date Cilla: don’t give a (You’ve done this one – Ed). 8.10 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Chris Tarrant playin’ contestant ass wit’ serious ka$h money. Plus he got photographed grabbin’ royal titty. He da man. 9.15 Pop Idol Result And tha winner is: DJ ASSAULT comin’ wit crazy-ass Detroit ghetto freestyle. Dis track is for Gareth Gates, what the fuck up wit yo’ stammer, Assault’s packin’ a Glock and I’m’a bust outta the slammer. (That’s rubbish – Freestyle Ed) FUCK YOU HOE! 9.30 TV Nightmares 10.15 ITV Weekend News 10.30 The Premiership Including Manchester United v Chelsea, Derby v Liverpool, and Ipswich v Arsenal. What da fuck is this? (Football, you fool – Ed) 11.45 Peter Benchley's Creature 1.30 Forever 2.25 Dial-a-Date 2.50 Mixmasters 3.15 Judge Judy 3.35 Box Office America 4.05 World Sport 4.30 World Football 4.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

7.15 Newyddion a Chwaraeon 7.30 Sadwrn Ar y Stryd 8.00 Noson Lawen “An hour of music and laughter,” it says. Wack. If you want belly laughs and bump beats, hold tight for my forthcomin’ Jefferson Avenue, due to drop in 2002. 9.00 Straeon Cerdd 10.00 Being Mick A revealing and intimate insight into Mick Jagger's personal and professional life. After me, Mick is the king of pussy. Sadly he ain’t down wit’ talkin’ about it. Wyclef Jean is on this too. I heard that when he’s banging a hoe he likes to holla, “Ready or not, here I come” when he’s shootin’ his load. Yo Clef! 11.15 Top Ten TV – Sex Bombs Now this is TV, Assault style. We’ve banged all these. (Really? Name them then – Ed) Uh... all of Destiny’s Child... Britney... uh huh... (You haven’t a clue what you’re talking about. You’re a sexist, boorish idiot who has to hide behind a facade of...) BOOM!!! Don’t nobody dis Assault, y’hear? 12.50 Madonna – Who's That Hoe? 2.10 Late-Night Poker 3.10 Formula Four Powerboat Championships 3.40 FILM: A Hoe's Face

7.40 5 News and Sport 8.05 Haunted Britain 9.05 FILM: Fright Night II 11.10 Phenomenon Archives: Unknown Encounter Documentary chronicling the six year haunting of a Californian woman. California... knows how to party... ah yeah. Thank fuck I capped that pussy in the dome, he was all up in my face. I can write what I like now. Ass and titties, ass and titties, ass ass titties titties... hee hee hee. So, Channel 5. Lot of spooky-ass ghost shit goin’ down tonight. Don’t faze DJ Assault tho... (Good evening readers, this is the ghost of Mary Whitehouse. I trust you’re as outraged with this cavalcade of filth and profanity as I am. Well, to prevent Mister Assault’s repugnant utterings befouling this page any further, I’ve decided to haunt it. Look, it’s midnight now so you really should go to bed. I miss the days of Closedown, when you could sleep knowing that the Government was looking after you... dribble... mmff...) 12.00 Twin Peaks 1.50 Twin Peaks 2.40 Twin Peaks 3.35 Twin Peaks 4.25 Twin Peaks 5.15 Monsters 5.35 Bamboo Bears

Evening

Monday 23 October

Casualty BBC 1 8.25pm

BBC 1

Daytime

Today’s Highlights

The Saturday Show BBC 1 9.00am

Brookside Channel 4 5.05pm

CHOICE I Love Monty Python BBC2, 9.15pm Well, you can say all you want about the current state of BBC comedy – and we heartily recommend you do, because most of it’s rubbish – but in making sure the GRiP

pioneering legends behind Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and its cinematic spinoffs, are afforded the respect they deserve, they are doing a sterling job. We begin tonight with ‘It's... the Monty Python Story’, a documentary about the team (err, not very informative we know, but what can you do?) then ‘Pythonland', in which Michael Palin visits places where sketches were shot.

But the real treat – no matter if you’ve seen it before, for it bears repeated viewing – comes at 10.25 with an airing of the totally awesome Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Taking a gleefully sacreligious and puerile axe to the Arthurian legend, fans of (a) not terribly attractive men dressing up as not terribly attractive women, and (b) repeating dialogue ad infinitum will be overjoyed tonight. 26.11.01

Television

2 December

Sunday HTV

S4C

CHANNEL 5

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Breakfast with Frost 10.00 Christmas Voices 10.45 Quincy 11.30 Countryfile 12.00 On the Record 1.00 Holiday Snaps 1.10 EastEnders 3.00 Morecambe and Wise 3.30 My Family 4.00 Walking with Beasts 4.30 Blue Peter Book Awards 5.10 BBC News; Weather 5.30 Regional News; Weather 5.35 Songs of Praise Pam Rhodes visits Berwick-uponTweed, where the locals like to sing the Sea Monkey Shanty at the tops of their voices. Now that truly is a song of praise. Look out for it on Ian Brown’s new album.

6.45 Tweenies Christmas Countdown; Tweenies 7.25 Pocket Dragon Adventures 7.40 The Lampies 7.50 Flint the Time Detective 8.15 Bruno the Kid 8.35 Rugrats 9.05 Hollywood 7 9.30 The S Club Search 9.35 Mona the Vampire 9.50 The Cramp Twins 10.00 Kenan and Kel 10.25 So Little Time 10.50 Student Bodies 11.20 Rex the Runt 11.30 Robot Wars Extreme 12.15 Roswell 1.00 The Pop Factory 1.30 Wildlife on Two 2.00 Sunday Grandstand 2.05 Racing from Fairyhouse 2.30 Darts 5.10 Scrum V 6.00 Wild

6.00 GMTV 9.25 The Premiership 10.25 The Rottentrolls 10.40 Fetch the Vet 10.55 Animal Stories 11.00 The Ark 11.30 Sunday Morning 12.30 Waterfront 12.55 HTV News and Weather 1.00 Jonathan Dimbleby 2.00 Soccer Sunday 2.35 FILM: Big 4.30 Holy Quiz 5.00 High Performance . 5.30 The River Patrol The River Patrol is a bit like New York’s Guardian Angels. It’s basically a group of vigilantes who wear silly purple berets and protect children from the paedophiles who lurk by the banks of the river.

6.20 Pippi Longstocking 6.45 The Hoobs 7.10 Blue's Clues 7.40 Grabbit the Rabbit 7.50 Grabbit the Rabbit 8.00 Football Italia 8.55 Blunt attp 9.25 Shipwrecked Extra 9.55 Hollyoaks 11.55 Planed Plant: Adfent 12.10 Planed Plant: Clwc 12.25 Rownd a Rownd: Omnibws 1.00 Y Clwb 2.00 Welsh in a Week 2.30 Brookside 3.55 Extinct 4.25 Maniffesto 5.25 Newyddion 5.35 Pobol y Cwm An omnibus of the week's events in Cwmderi. One of these days I’ll watch all these programmes and be able to tell you what they are all about. Till then no clue.

6.00 WideWorld 6.30 Dappledown Farm 6.55 Plonsters 7.00 Beachcomber Bay 7.30 Milkshake! 7.35 Tickle, Patch and Friends 8.05 Adventures from the Book of Virtues 8.30 Tintin 9.00 Tiger, Tiger 9.25 The Mole 10.30 Core News 10.35 The Big Question 11.05 Miracles of Faith 11.35 The Movie Chart Show 12.05 Great Artists Chronicle of the colourful life of Neil Buchanan 12.35 5 News at Lunchtime 12.45 FILM: Backlash 2.20 Exclusive 2.50 Family Affairs Omnibus 5.05 FILM: Curly Sue

6.10 Antiques Roadshow 6.55 Rolf on Art Rolf attempts to copy the famous waterlily scenes painted by Claude Monet. I’ve seen the end result – it’s hilarious. Looks like someone drunk some sea monkeys and vomited all over the canvas. 7.25 Ronnie Barker - A Life in Comedy Young Ronnie used to amuse his buddies by eating huge amounts of shaving foam until it came out of his ears. A life truly rich in comedy. It was all ruined by that little shit Corbett, who stifled his true comedic genius. 7.55 Monarch of the Glen 8.45 The Way We Live Now 10.00 BBC News; Weather 10.15 Panorama 10.55 FILM: Circumstances Unknown With Judd Nelson and Isabel Glasser. Crime thriller about a psychopathic jeweller who has been creating wedding rings for couples he later murders. Sequel is about a fishmonger who secretes razor blades in his halibuts. Evil bastard. Installment three is about a pop mogul who entices little boys by asking “Do you know who I am?”. It got a bit silly then. 12.35 Joins BBC News 24

6.10 Wild: Nick Baker's Bears Unfortunately Nick got the wrong end of the stick and takes a film crew up into his attic to show us his childhood collection of teddy bears: Snoopy, Banjo, Busby, Blue Boy and not forgetting Teddy Whitfield. Nevertheless a moving piece, particularly when Nick apologises to Busby for continually pissing on him in his youth. 6.40 Wild: Natural World: Leopard Hunters 7.30 Gardeners' World 8.00 Bridge: Mostar Bridge 8.50 Trade Secrets 9.00 Correspondent: The Afghan Trap 9.45 FILM: The Heroes of Telemark With Kirk Douglas and Richard Harris. 11.55 Have I Got News For You 12.25 Gimme Gimme Gimme 12.55 Aaagh! It's the Mr Hell Show! 2.00 BBC Learning Zone: Secondary Schools: AS Guru: English 2 4.00 Languages: Eurografters: Spain and France 5.00 Working for Local Government: Teleworking and Managing Change

6.00 HTV News and Weather Regional news round-up. 6.15 ITV News 6.30 Record of the Year 2001: Top 20 7.00 New You've Been Framed! Did you know that Richard Madeley hosted the pilot edition of You’ve Been Framed. The fact that he got axed in favour of Jeremy Beadle just goes to reaffirm the view that he indeed is a cunt. 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Heartbeat 9.00 Cold Feet 10.00 The Frank Skinner Show Did anybody see last week with Jordan? It was one of the most upsetting pieces of television in recent memory. A woman clearly too stupid to live let alone have a baby. The poor little sprog won’t stand a chance. 10.40 ITV Weekend News 11.00 The South Bank Show 12.00 It Ain't Necessarily So 12.35 The Web Review 1.05 Roar 1.55 Dance 2000 2.45 Survival Special 3.40 Cybernet 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News Big up to the members of 49 Coburn St and your lovely garden.

7.30 Y Sioe Gelf 8.00 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8.30 Y Stafell Ddirgel 9.35 Newyddion News 9.50 A Secret History of Rail 10.50 The Navigators 12.40 Down the Tube 1.40 World Wrestling Federation Heat 2.30 FILM: Easy Rider

7.00 5 News and Sport 7.30 The History of Britain from the Air: An Age of Elegance 8.00 The Mole A programme that involves various funsters completing wacky tasks. This week sees members of the Gair Rhydd staff drinking Sea Monkeys. And nearly vomiting. 9.00 FILM: Conan the Destroyer Extraordinarily camp action adventure starring Arnold Schwarzennegger and Mr./Miss Androgeny 1978 Grace Jones. **Well knock me down with a feather I appear to have pressed the wrong button and deleted the rest of the listing for Channel Five for today. I’ll just have to guess the rest using my extensive knowledge of this popular station** 10.40 Some Kind of Voyeuristic Documentary About Murder 11.45 Porn 12.40 Shitsters Playing Golf 1.30 Live American Football 4.45 Live Ice Hockey 5.30 Live Chimpanzee Molesting Fullest apologies if there are any discrepancies.

CH4. As S4C except: 6.10 The Clangers 6.45 7.10 7.40 CatDog 8.05 Investigators 8.30 One World 9.00 T4: Blunt 9.30 T4: Popworld 10.30 T4: Hollyoaks 12.30 T4: Shipwrecked 3 1.00 T4: Shipwrecked 3 Enough already. 1.35 FILM: Arabian Adventure 3.25 FILM: The Hound of the Baskervilles 5.00 Stargate SG-1 5.55 Scrapheap Challenge 7.30 Channel 4 News 8.00 Down the Tube 9.00 Extremes 10.00 The Navigators 11.50 Football Italia - La Partita 12.55 World Wrestling Federation 1.45 Formula Four Powerboat Championships 2.15 Formula Rally 3.10 Driven 3.35 A Secret History of Rail 4.30 Tarantula 5.20 Countdown

Monarch of the Glen BBC 1 7.55pm

Rex the Runt BBC 2

Coronation Street ITV 7.30pm

Pobol Y Cwm S4C 5.35pm STAYING IN TONIGHT? Call for the latest student deals

CHOICE Darts BBC2 2.30pm

(029) 2022 9977

62 CRWYS ROAD, CARDIFF

GRiP

Anyone foolish enough to have not already glimpsed these magnificent specimens in action should grab this opportunity while they can. It’s not often that the darts roadshow arrives on the doorstep at the BBC.

Sunday 2 December

Evening

BBC 2

Today’s Highlights

Daytime

BBC 1

May I be so bold as to point your way in the direction of such luminaries as Andy ‘the Viking’ Fordham, a man so vast and hairy he can also be seen on Walking with Beasts. Can I also recommend Steve ‘the Adonis’ Beaton. He’s not called the Adonis for nothing: perm, ‘tache and mullet all in one dazzling package. Darts is a game for true sportsmen at the peak of physical condition. Let battle commence.

26.11.01

Youwant to work in TV?

Got a cold or the flu? Blocked nose, sore throat, headache, aches and pains.....

Programme makers need talented

newcomers

Let them discover you - Get seen on...

startinTV.com is an entirely new resource designed to help you get into the toughest, most competitive and rewarding industry on the planet. A Producer searches startin TV for new talent ... and you are just what they need www.startinTV.com email us at: enquiries@startinTV.com

Common Cold Centre

Cardiff School of Biosciences, Off Park Place, near the Tower Block Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm

Cardiff University

Thursday 6th December

The Biggest Cardiff University Ball this year @ CIA 7pm - 2am Three course festive menu and wine Fairground rides, dodgems, waltzer and more.... Professional photographer 5-7pm Pre Ball party @ Dylans 7-8pm Happy Hour @ CIA Meal served at 8.30pm

Tickets available from the Union Box Office or Jamie/Ross on 07773 769601/07810 547144 • Cheques of £32.50 made payable to “UWCC Sports Ball Fund”

26.11.01

Focus

The Gair Rhydd Features Section Free Word 706

Passion for fashion

Wales may not be synonymous with all that is chic and fashionable but unknown to many, Welsh fashion actually goes beyond “I love blinking I do” tops and rugby shirts. Lizzie Brown investigates.

ET’S FACE it; if someone held out five hundred smooth crisp smackeroonies to you tomorrow and told you to go and treat yourself to some funky Welsh designer togs, you would probably either turn around and ask “what Welsh designer labels?” or, and this is a more likely scenario, go and spend it on what the hell you wanted, protesting feebly that you assumed they were taking the piss because of course a Welsh fashion industry can’t possibly exist. But that’s where you are all very much mistaken, and I’m very much up for proving it. At the London Fashion Show held earlier this term, Welsh designers made their presence felt even more than in previous years. Julien Macdonald, the mainstay of the haute couture fashion house Givenchy, hails from our neighbour Merthyr Tydfil; that’s some journey he’s made, from the back end of nowhere to being one of the most sought-after designers of our time. Recently crowned as a glittering and sparkling King of Glamour, having scooped the Rover British Fashion Awards Glamour Designer of the Year, Macdonald puts a whole new meaning into the largely unglamorous world of knitting. But knitting it is; McDonald’s first love is textiles, although perhaps this is unsurprising given the almighty Welsh woollen industry. Macdonald was spotted while studying Fashion at the Royal College of Art by Karl Lagerfeld, who took him on and put him on the fast track to success at Chanel Couture. He went down a treat there when, in 1997, he designed Chanel’s best selling outfit, and has

At the London Fashion Show Welsh designers made their presence felt even more than in previous years

shown his own label at London Fashion Week ever since. Now everyone wants a piece of the action – not only did Macdonald design Kylie’s outfits for her recent world tour (whatever you may think of them), he is also a consultant for the posh end of Marks and Sparks’ range, and, for all you south-easterners out there, he also sorted all uniforms for the sacred shopping mecca that is Bluewater. The rest of us can but dream… Macdonald is not alone, however, in putting Wales firmly on the fashion map. Dai Rees, a former Bridgend chippie worker, is now renowned in the fashion world for his stylish and elegant headwear. His Spring 2001 show, entitled ‘Butterflies in an English Garden’, is a perfect re-creation on hats of what we all associate with summer in the garden, be it English or Welsh. Using lemons, turquoises, corals, and the inevitable black and white, he reinvents the classic Dior 1950’s look but with the Rees trademark firmly stamped upon it. However, his dedication to promoting British-ness doesn’t stop there. Rees is careful to use as many British materials as possible, and admits that his collections are inspired by “wanting to spell out a message about what we are all about.” The success of his spectacular headpieces – one has appeared on a postage stamp (obviously what we’re all aspiring to) – encouraged Rees to move into partnership with Simon Munro in 1997, and then to launch a womenswear range. His philosophy on using natural materials, and being aware of the historical traditions of fabrics, as well as being committed to innovative and contemporary issues, is at the forefront of all his designs. One of his linen tailored day suits or a sophisticated cocktail dress with a hat and accessories to match is now far and away at the top of my Christmas wish list. But if an underground, vintage style label is more likely to make you part with those precious pennies from the loans company, the Welsh have something for you too. Fraser Moss, a Newport born designer, started working for Vivienne Westwood in the 1980’s before moving on to set up Professor Head, a clothing label selling cult pop t-shirts and trainers. He could see he was onto something good here, and in 1996 joined forces with Jimmy Collins to form YMC, (‘You Must Create’), and caught a niche market made up of people looking for functional, modern clothing, bidding to lessen the grip of corporate companies over the fashion world. Now the 2000 British Streetwear Designer of the Year is popular with everyone from Steps to Adam Rickitt, although Moss can’t admit to being too chuffed by the “blandest” of pop stars sporting his gear – he’d prefer to see it on the likes of The Beastie Boys and REM. YMC prides itself on

producing collections from practical yet interesting fabrics that steer clear of the catwalks to avoid jeopardising the label’s underground image. And my forethinking fashion fairies tell me that YMC is going to be getting even bigger next year as the boys have plans to launch a funky trainer collection in association with Dunlop. Sounds like my birthday

list is sorted out already. So when you’re next about to discard Welsh fashion and it’s designers onto the rubbish dump of credibility consider getting yourself down to stockists of Julien Macdonald in Browns and Selfridges, Dai Rees in House of Fraser and Dickens and Jones or YMC in Liberty or Duffer of St

Georges and take a look at what they’re really all about. My reckoning is that being clad in a properly funky Welshman’s label will certainly up your credibility in this fair city by a notch or two. It has to beat draping yourself in a Welsh flag a la Shirley Bassey – that surely needs to come with a health warning.

FocusFocusFocusFocus INSIDE FOCUS THIS WEEK: Welsh Hip-hop: a history • Going out guide to Cardiff • Prince Philip and his Royal gaffes • The politics of biscuits

14 • Focus

gairrhydd 2001-2002

Was brought to you by... Editor Sarah Hodson GRiP Editor Jon Bayley News James Bladon and Lydia Kirby Sport Michael Pearlman and Tristan Thomas Sports Assistant Chris Wathan Focus Ed Holmes, Becky Pash and Charlotte Spratt Books David Gates Arts LaDonna Hall and Lizzie Brown Music Gemma Curtis and Maria Lane Film Jonathan Steven Games James Morley and Chris Faires Get There Luke Holland Comment Sian Birch Television Charlotte Martyn, DJ Assault, Rasta Man, Town Crier and Sian Birch Photographers Michael Parsons and Jenni Blurton Very Helpful Proofreaders Holly Robarts and Zoe Simmons Contributors Carly Snell, Mark Cobley, Dominic O’neill, Chris Jackson, James Stokes, Elizabeth Ireland, Sarita Arthur, Helen Butler, Kathy Wilshere, Jane Evans, David Lindsell, Paul Sloman, Adrian Everett, Si Crockford, Pauline Cheung, Nicholas McDonald, Jamie Fullerton, John Widdop, Victoria Richards, Lee-Roy Chester Brown, Gemma Jones, Eleri Lloyd, Mat Croft, Andrew Davidson, Rob Laing, Robert Porter, Aled Wynne, Ben James, Hayley Dunlop, Paul Jones, Gareth LLoyd, Nike Ogunjumelo, Louise Costello, Melanie Harrison, D.P. Moore, Catherine Williams, Fergus Cooper, Claire Malcolm, Beth Kenure, Bethany Brady, Ben Hammond, Eye Claudius, Aditi Bhatia, Daniel Barnes, Lizzy Green, Abbi Shaw, Joanne Ford, Chris Knapman, Gavin Harris, Laura Welsh, Llinos Philips, Natalie Lewis, Dicky Fox Jones, JJR Callowe, Emma Waterfall, Paul Bearer, Scott Chip, Alice Millfield-Scott, Woody Cramer, Ben Adams, Neil Blain, J L O’Sullivan and Me.

Contact us Address Gair Rhydd Cardiff University Students’ Union Park Place Cardiff CF10 3QN Telephone Editorial – (029) 20781434/436 Advertising – (029) 20781416 E-mail ssugr1@cf.ac.uk Visitors Find us on the 4th floor of the Students’ Union

Gair Rhydd Monday 26 November

Diggin’ in the history books As this month is officially ‘Hip-Hop History Month’, Eye Claudius decided, rather than go into the vastly documented New York origins of this urban culture, to give you instead a small insight into the Cardiff scene’s own unique past

ne name you need to drop when explaining this city’s Hip-hop history is DJ Jaffa. Now an acclaimed producer and dj for the likes of Manchild and Erban Poets, it was Jaffa who in 1986 first set down his turntables outside Roody’s Donut Store and along with a string of mc’s including one MC Eric (as in ‘This Beat Is Technotronic’, now better known as Me-One), created Cardiff’s first official Hip-hop jam. Eventually a more permanent home was found in Grassroots where the crew Hardrock Concept continued to rock the city until 1987. Jaffa and Eric eventually ventured to London in search of a record deal, where they were briefly signed to Jive Records who released two of their tunes on the 1989 Def Reggae compilation. All went pear shaped, however, and Jaffa decided to return to Cardiff where, alongside one of his original mc sparring partners, 4Dee, he set up an organisation called The Underdogs. Artists to emerge from this St Mellons

With the quality of recent material and a renewed interest by the media, Hiphop may soon become as respected as some of Cardiff’s other musical exports

based youth project include Johnny B, Erban Poet Naytan The Watcher and Green Giant’s Sparky. Although active in the scene for years it is only in the past couple of years or so that these rappers have really started to gain wider recognition, all being earmarked by Rounda Records’ head honchette Lil Miss. Amongst the labels releases have been Johnny B’s recent ‘Rhyme Hungry EP’, DJ Jaffa’s ‘Urban Harvest’ and Erban Poets’ ‘Inner Diamond EP’ which includes the Diesel Award winning track ‘Good Day Sunshine’. Another major player in the history books is (Funki) Dregz. Although present at the Grassroots jams, Dregz didn’t make his quality mic skills apparent until the early 90’s when his group at the time, Best Shot, were snapped up by East West Records after winning the Dance Energy Lift Off competition. Unfortunately, their tunes were watered down for the first two releases while in-house bickering led to the dismemberment of the group before the release of their third and far more credible single ‘Pump’. In the aftermath, Best Shot’s other various members eventually left the Hip-hop game entirely. Dregz, however, despite being disheartened by the whole affair, went on to form his current outfit, Potato Skinz, who are now the longest running Hip-hop crew in the city. The Skinz were the only group still active in Cardiff during the mid 90’s dry period when many abandoned the good ship Hip-hop for dance music and day jobs, they were also responsible for introducing HRH Prince Charles to Hip-hop. Now however the tides are turning and Hip-hop is bigger than ever in Cardiff. One of Dregz’ other ventures, Higher Learning, which, along with the other members of Brotherz Grimm, Captain and Ruffstylz, that he started a year ago, has now become one of the most respected Hip-hop nights in the UK (despite being overlooked by certain awards ceremonies) and has seen a large number of leading local artists performing alongside the cream of the underground Hip-hop scene. There are also far more releases from independent Cardiff based labels such as Rounda, SFDB (Fleapit, Mr Spleen), Fitamin UN (Tystion, Pep Le Pew) and Middle Eastern Recordings (Jammin & Blaktrix, Humurak) which are making noise both here and beyond the border. With the quality of recent material and a renewed

interest by the media, Hip-hop may soon become as respected as some of Cardiff’s other musical exports such as…erm, Shirley Bassey. Original Hip-hop diva for real. DJ Jaffa is resident @ Electromagnetic, Clwb Ifor Bach. Higher Learning host’s the Fleapit Album Launch Party on 15th November and their own 1st Anniversary Party on 29th November @ Toucan Club. Plus catch the Higher Learning Radio Show on X-Press FM, Fridays 7.30pm-9pm. For more info check the website: www.hiphopwales.com

2PAC: gives it up for the Welsh side

Out and about with Rachel Harrison Where to go after a hard days work

adly, by this point in term time, especially for us decrepit third years who are worryingly close to being forced into the harsh reality of finding a job, most of you are probably experiencing the ever-increasing constraint of actually having to do some work. How inconsiderate of lecturers. Don’t they realise that work interferes with our hectic social lives? In light of this inevitable and mounting nagging feeling and the very scary voices inside our heads (which eerily resembles that of our parents), I thought that I would explore the best place to relax with friends on an evening after a hard days toil! Perhaps then you would be more inclined to set foot in that strange and unfamiliar building with all the books in! If you are looking for some chilled and serene surroundings combined with the student essential of alcohol, I recommend Bar Metropolis, opposite Club X on Charles Street. This is definitely the place to kick back with friends and relax with a hard earned drink. With a wave of alternative mellow sounds that you do not have to scream over in order to hold a conversation, Bar Metropolis hosts a very nonchalant and cool atmosphere that is a cross between a cosy living room and a trendy bar. This place allows for a top night out with comfy sofas and chilled music

without too much potential of over-doing it and waking up with a throbbing head next to someone you have absolutely no recollection of ever speaking to before. (Not that you would ever do such a thing!). The drinks however, are fairly pricey so avoid this one if you are tight! On the bright side though, if your willpower is totally pants and you are just a complete alcoholic and simply cannot resist the pull of the bar, at least you can rely on your bank balance to stop you from getting off your face! In Bar Metropolis, you can forget your irksome essays and still look your Mum in the eye as you reassure her that you are doing vast amounts of work and you have absolutely no idea where the saying ‘dossing student’ comes from! Of course if you just can’t help yourself and the party animal inside you is simply uncontrollable , there are a number of bars and clubs very close by, as Mill Lane is a short stumbling distance. On the other hand, if you don’t want such a large one but don’t feel content with spending all evening in just one bar, another pretty good chill out bar is the Toucan Club on St Mary’s Street. I have to confess that I have not been on a weekend but on Mondays to Thursdays the lights are low giving a really cosy and calming feeling that makes you want to order Baileys and get to the ‘old man’ stage of drunkenness. No, I don’t mean letchy and creepy with whiskey smelling

breath! I mean that cosy relaxed feeling where your insides feel warm and you are nicely relaxed as opposed to the more frequent state of intoxication where you think that everyone is your best mate, you can’t sit still for chatting and shaking your ass on the dance floor, you get really giggly and flirty and decide that it is the best idea in the world to pinch your boyfriend’s dad’s bum (no? - just me then!). The music is really easy on the ear and you can really catch up with your friends after having been locked to your desk under a pile of textbooks and numerous other useless and hugely confusing journals and notes for what seems like days. The first time you go you have to become a member of the Toucan Club. This basically involves writing down your basic details of name, address and e-mail and then they give you a highly exciting card It is all free and totally pointless but after that you can go to any Toucan Club anywhere as long as you flash your jazzy little card. That just about rounds up the chilled bar crawl. Bar Metropolis and the Toucan Club are the perfect mellow venues for some unwinding with good friends. You can have a couple of drinks in trendy surroundings and still wake up with a (vaguely) clear head for your stupid amounts of evil assignments in the morning , unless like me, you are a complete lightweight and always get harsh hangovers, in which case there is no helping you! These bars are a good alternative to the usual ‘quiet drink’ dwellings of the local pubs so go on try something new – it won’t kill you!

15 • Focus

Gair Rhydd Monday 26 November

The Tales of Prince Charmless

This week we’ve decided to chronicle the outspoken side of Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. Aditi Bhatia takes a look at the gaffes of this royal buffoon, and shows how even our own Prime Minister can slip up

ver wondered why perfectly intelligent people like us are roaming the streets in want of a rewarding job? Why we are struggling through university, and aiming for an ambitious career, when authority, power and politics actually demanded severely IQ-challenged figures, like those ruling the world today? …ahh…You have guessed it; who else could I possibly be talking about other than our very own brand of politicians? Let me give you just a few examples of the blunders that are evidence on their own that if we leave the world in the hands of such people, the world is in more trouble than a barbecue at a petrol station. It is perhaps inevitable that Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, will go down in the annals of history as the member of the Royal Family least afraid of speaking his mind. Indeed, the Duke’s propensity for voicing his opinions on everything from the habits of foreign-exchange students to the inadequacies of electrical wiring has bought him a rather unenviable reputation for being blunt almost to the point of offence, almost to the point of absurdity. After the Dunblane massacre, the Prince exclaimed: “I think one’s got to make a difference between what the weapons can do and what the people can do. And, there are always going to be unstable people who are going to do monstrous things. We know that but I don’t think it helps by taking it out on the rest of the population.” This entirely sensible comment by Prince Philip in a BBC Radio 5 interview outraged the tabloid press and antigun campaigners. Because he also said: “If a cricketer,

for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?” An avid hunter and gun owner himself, the Prince went on to say that sportsmen were being punished for the actions of criminals. “I can’t believe that the members of the shooting clubs are any more dangerous than members of a squash club – a golf club or anything else. I mean they’re perfectly reasonable people. There’s no evidence that people who use weapons for sport are any more dangerous than people who use golf clubs or tennis rackets or cricket bats.” The text of the interview was made public in Britain through print and television media who were aware that few Britons had probably heard the original interview on BBC radio. As soon as his remarks were made known, they produced “widespread and immediate outcries of disbelief and condemnation from parents of slain children and Members of Parliament,” according to The Times report. The newspaper said that the Prince was denounced from the House of Commons, where he was called “crass” and “insensitive” and told to stop “blundering” into politics. In Dunblane, the head of the bereaved parents’ group that has campaigned for gun control, Ann Pearston, called the Prince’s action “a disgrace,” adding, “To think of the Queen coming up here and laying a wreath at our school and then hearing her husband said something like this sickens me.” Alex Salmond, leader of the Scottish National Party, said, “I know he has a reputation for being boorish, but this is a comment too far.”

After the complaints reached a fever pitch, Buckingham Palace issued a qualified apology on behalf of the Prince, saying he “had no intention whatsoever of causing offence or distress to anyone and he is sorry if he has done so.” British newspapers also joined in the Prince-baiting exercise. The Sun commented: “Prince Philip has clearly gone completely batty. Few of us lie awake at night worrying about crazy cricketers.” The Daily Telegraph, which agrees with the Prince that the proposed law is a bad one, wondered whether he had really advanced the cause. “When one considers that the current main task of the royal family is to re-establish a somewhat tarnished reputation in the eyes of the public, one wishes the Prince had spoken with more care.” On the 27 March 1995, Friends of the Earth reacted with considerable surprise and annoyance to comments from the Duke of Edinburgh to the effect that the environmental impacts of the proposed RTZ titanium dioxide mine in south-eastern Madagascar have been overstated. Especially perplexing among Prince Philip’s comments is his view that “Its an area which is not environmentally frightfully significant. I gather its marginal.” What our dear Duke didn’t realise was that the forests lost to the mine were of global importance. They represented the last remnants of a unique forest type that once extended along much of the island’s East Coast, and contained species found nowhere else on earth. Dear Old Prince Philip, the Queen’s husband, 81 years old next June, and now completely bald, is a frequent source of embarrassment to the royal

household, with his regular comments about foreigners. But he is a constant delight to the rest of us when he airs his politically incorrect comments in front of all the world’s press. Many a time on a foreign tour do things have to be smoothed over by the Philip comment correctional department at the Foreign Office. But while he still believes that his ill-placed comments are just jovial asides, we will still print them here. As he is frequently bamboozled by the way his light hearted comments are taken with such offence, the media often suggest that he should be kept at home, but like us, they long for the next comment. After accepting a gift from a Kenyan native he replied, “You are a woman aren’t you?” During a WWF visit he refused to touch a Koala bear, as it would probably have been “riddled with ghastly disease.” On his trip to China, Phil commented: “If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine the Cantonese will eat it.” He suggested that locals were cannibals on a visit to Papua New Guinea by saying to a British student “You managed not to get eaten then?” He asked a Scottish driving instructor “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough for them to pass their test.” He told a group of deaf school children at a fund raising event standing next to a Jamaican steel drum band which was clearly not to Phil The Greek’s liking, “Deaf? No wonder you are deaf, standing so close to that racket.” Recently describing Brazil, he quipped that it would be paradise, if it weren’t for the Brazilians. On a visit to China he described Peking as “ghastly” and said that if you stay too long there you will become “slitty eyed.” He told a student in Budapest, “You can’t have been in Budapest that long because you haven’t got a pot-belly.” In India visiting a site where the British army, in the years of the Empire, had slaughtered Indian civilians, he was shown a plaque commemorating the 2,000 killed, to which he quipped “No, no, we didn’t slaughter that many.” He told a mother who had recently lost two sons in a house fire that “smoke alarms are a damn nuisance.” On touring a factory in Edinburgh, the dear disorientated Prince told a group of workers that a fuse box “Doesn’t look like it’s been fitted by a cowboy, more like the Indians,” although he did apologise to the Indian Community soon after. After asking a portly young boy what he wanted to do when he grew up, and getting the answer ‘An Astronaut!’ The Prince quipped, “ best start shedding a few pounds then! “ Unfortunately political stupidity does not end there. It carries on a long way, into the house on 42 Downing Street and in the form of Tony Blair, who aside from being America’s ‘till death do us part’ partner, is also a rather absurd man.

Tony Blair, on a morale-boosting visit to UK troops, sought to remind them why they were in British army uniform. “It’s not just about defending your country,” he told soldiers in the Omani desert. “It’s about the fact that you like all this gun and boot stuff, and basically you couldn’t find another job.” An aide accompanying Blair commented: “Tony got them to think through why they are here.” “What he underlined was, remember your family, remember that you are going to fire those ace guns you’ve got in someone’s face, and remember that it’s either this or being on the dole in St Helens.” The aide, who would not give his name, said “In plain language Tony was basically saying that those guns are pretty sexy and this is about getting to do sexy things with them.” Yes, killing is a very sexy thing indeed! So you see people, if you get your regular A’s in class good for you – you might even end up with a desk job. However, if you are struggling, no worries – there’s always royalty and power-politics awaiting you as an option.

“If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?”

Biscuit Politics

Gair Rhydd Monday 26 November 2001

Focus • 16

In a moment of misplaced clarity, Daniel Barnes thinks he has found the secret to making friends and getting laid at conferences. It’s all in the biscuits, he says...

hilst at a philosophy conference in a country house in the very sorry and desolate middle of midWales, I stumbled upon a theory of social interaction that may change the course of conferences for ever. The thing is, it all hinges on biscuits, so I’m going to have to try very hard to get any of you to take me seriously. The highlight of any dreary corporate conference is always the networking coffee breaks which seem to take place at least three hundred times a day. This golden opportunity to network with counterparts from other departments or branches must not be wasted. It is a chance for you to establish yourself as a prime asset to the company on an international scale, so when the MD gets bored of looking at the same faces every day and decides its time for a bit of downsizing, you are not delayered like the slices of trifle placed in front of a manic toddler. When you are swanning around the conference, trawling your delegate snaring net behind you, all the time looking out for people to accost and convince that you are worthy of promotion, the one thing you must not be without is the right biscuit. There are several classes of biscuit upon which I shall now elaborate. The Rich Tea and the Digestive are the traditional choices for the educated and sensible delegate who knows exactly what they are doing and where they are going. These are the kind of biscuits these people – who are usually more advanced in experience and years – have been consuming for years, so they can eat them entirely free of embarrassing crumb spillage. However, it must be noted that anyone of any age can at least attempt to publicly devour a Rich Tea or a Digestive, since they are all round classics, but the die-hard followers of these old favourites will stand out with their flawless application of the three-bite consumption technique.

Postcard from the Philosophical Faculty of the Palacky University in Olomouc

The Ginger Nut is what the office bully uses to assert his authority over unsuspecting delegates. In crunching through a Ginger Nut while talking to someone you are issuing them with a challenge of some description. The careless lack of attention to the crumb spillage here is indicative of the calorific power relationary gesture. There are a few no-nos of which you should be aware, namely Hobnobs and any sugar-coated biscuit. The trouble with Hobnobs is that they are deliciously crumbly which is what also makes them unfortunately grotesquely clumsy. Nobody, even in the hazy joy of corporate hospitality, will take you seriously with torrents of crumbs cascading down your shirt front. A similar social misdemeanour is committed when sugar-coated biscuits are involved, but as well as a clothes soiling issue, there is the sugary fingers issue, which then makes holding your pen in seminars problematic. The absolute no-no is the Jammie Dodger. I’m afraid it is little less than corporate suicide to be seen displaying such capriciousness and futility in front of your peers and successful elders. Finally, it gives me great pleasure to reveal to you the long kept secret of the Bourbon Cream. At conferences, the Bourbon’s primary networking function is as a tool of interdepartmental seduction. You only have to look at the way in which a man approaches that nice girl from sales brandishing a Bourbon, turning it around and inspecting it from all angles whilst talking to her. And then there is the almost prehistoric ritual of eating the outside first, peeling away the layers in some ultra-Freudian metaphor. To a lesser extent, the Custard Cream is an impoverished version of the Bourbon technique, what with its less phallic shape. Basically, never sleep with anyone who attempts to network with you whilst mauling a Custard Cream – it just means they haven’t made enough effort. In a key sense, biscuit politics shapes and moulds, applies and blends, and fractures and fuses the whole dynamic of conference

his week in Olomouc the lecture on political systems was cancelled. This led to an immediate reaction of clouds which, under the pressure of circumstances, decided to turn white. Most of the scaffolding, which until now dominated the

networking to such an extent that the very recognition and exposition of the theory will help to combat the current fashion in networking for cross-relational reductivism – hopefully now, people with all manner or tastes in biscuits will be able to cast their net far and wide and interact with all races of biscuit-eaters safe in the knowledge of what it means to prefer a Rich Tea to a Bourbon.

city centre, was removed (only to prove wrong the general suspicion that the buildings underneath it were stolen by the local community of ants.) Sadly, nobody picked the mushroom-like lamps on the square, but some voices say that the

experimental physics students decided to knit warm woollen caps for the to help them survive the winter. by Zuzana Kazdora, in the Czech Republic

I Love 1819 Westlife Last week, Lizzy Green went to Coventry, so everyone there, as the old saying goes, refused to talk to her. Disappointed, she transported herself into a happier time...

nyone else remember 1819? No? Well, it doesn’t seem that we missed much really. Due to the new Corn Laws, taxes were so high and Britain’s wheat production so insufficient that people were generally too poor to even afford a loaf of their daily bread. Not all bad though, Braille was invented by ten-yearold blind boy Louis Braille, much to the delight of blind people everywhere. 1819 was a good year for literature too, even if it didn’t know it then. Mary Ann Evans (aka George Eliot) was born. Output that year included fine works from the likes of Keats and Shelley. As for fashion, smartness was in – top hats were all the rage amongst men who could afford such luxuries, whilst women preferred full-length skirts and tight bodices. Wish you were here? Join me in my time machine.

update... As the war rages on, Westlife are slowly infiltrating everything. Abbi Shaw pretends she doesn’t approve...

roof, if proof were ever needed, that my Westlife conspiracy theories were not founded emerged this month with the release of their new album, World of Our Own. SEE?! It’s all true. Furthermore, I was horrified to find that, in my local supermarket, one may now innocently purchase no less than a chocolate member of the band. This

disgraceful attempt to brainwash the hapless youth of today/behind M&S contingent is quite simply, scandalous. And more to the point, have they ever heard of tooth decay? PopScene resumes normal service next week with an in depth consideration of the wonderfully dashing Robbie Williams and his latest piece of televisual joy.

Hatches, Matches, Despatches, Mergers and Acquisitions, Appointments and Celebrity News by Daniel Barnes

candal erupted last week when Jamie Oliver’s wife, Jules, was seen shopping in Waitrose. In an attempt to launch a new weekly witch-hunt, the Daily Mail were the first to uncover the brewing conspiracy when a roving reporter spotted Mrs Oliver walking down the street laden with Waitrose branded carrier bags. A spokesperson for the Olivers quoted Jamie as saying, in a poor effort to salvage his tacky advertising career with Sainsbury’s, “She was probably just recycling carrier bags” – he’s a nice boy, that Jamie, but clearly not very clever.

Brad Pitt last week announced, when talking about Hollywood and the nature of celebrity, that he is “the void that fills the void.” Quite what this means, I do not know, but I’m sure it’s most exhausting for him. JK Rowling is once again whoring herself out to the great beast of world capitalism, with a partnership with Coca-Cola. The money grabber who claims to be a writer is not only bringing the name of Britain’s literary establishment into disrepute, she is also helping to brainwash small children with corporate sponsorship. We at Gair Rhydd do not approve.

That damn Rowling hatching a hellish plot.

gair rhydd

Photography

Competition

O THE gair rhydd picture competition has been running for a few weeks now and we’ve had so much interest it hurts. Thank you, thank you, thank you...you’re all lovely people and we’d love to buy you all a pint sometime. It’s got to be the easiest competition ever, photography’s not that hard. Every photographer I’ve ever spoken to admits that most of their best shots happened by accident anyway. Don’t be fooled by the geeks with technological monstrosities for camera’s, the kind capable of making a cup of tea after taking the shot. Buy a cheapy throw-away camera and take some pictures then use the change to buy that cup of tea instead. For those too lazy to think of any decent ideas themselves here’s some pictures we’ve already received that we like. In fact they’re currently set to run away with and all your other lovely prizes. Top right was taken from the entrants bedroom window one day and we like it because it makes Cardiff actually look nice. Not an easy feat by any means, how many times have you looked out the window and seen this? Or do you see a lifeless, grey shite

heap? If you see a lifeless, grey shite heap then take a picture too. Take a picture of your gran if you want. The pictures that will win aren’t going to be the ones that have been beautifully composed using the rule of thirds and the Adams zoning technique because these are not the kind of thing we care about or understand. Someone in the photography society tried to explain them to us once, but alas we fell asleep during their monologue. We want pictures that invoke some form of emotion, so if it’s your flatmate caught in a compromising position after a night out and it makes you laugh, then it’ll make us laugh too. Bottom right we like because it makes us laugh...we walk up these steps everyday and the sentiment amuses us. It’s a simple picture, all the work was done by the wee scally with the spray can, all the photographer needed to do was hold the camera, push a button and be thankful that the little rat boy was off scaring grannies that day and not still around to nick their camera bag.

Entry Instructions For the uninitiated, here’s the brief...

All you need you to do is take pictures of anything that you see as being interesting and relevant to you as a student in Cardiff. Not only will you be given the chance to get your pictures printed in the illustrious pages of gair rhydd, you will be in the running to win fantastic photographic prizes and entry to Union nights absolutely free. It will also look fantastic on your CV and give you something to send home to your parents to reassure them that you are making the most of your time at university. There are two entry categories – best picture and best portfolio. Submissions for the portfolio entries should consist of ten or more pictures which will all also be eligible for entry into the best picture category. Either colour or black and white prints and digital files. Digital images should be at least 2048 x 1536 pixels. At present we are unable to accept negatives for transparencies. The closing date has been extended by a week to allow for your creative juices to get flowing. Therefore, the new closing date for entries is Friday 7 December 2001. Winners will be notified by Monday December 31 2001. Please drop your images into the gair rhydd office on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union. Please mark all entries clearly with your name, phone number and e-mail address, so that we can return your pictures. The judging panel will consist of members of the gair rhydd editorial team, the photographic society and the directors of the Students Union. No correspondence will be entered into. gair rhydd will attempt to print all images in the manner in which there are submitted but may occasionally manipulate images for editorial reasons.

KEEP IT CLEAN One of the main concerns in the community is litter and trash created everyday by senseless or misinformed individuals. This affects everyone, and is not only destroying the environment but also poses serious health risks. It goes without saying that a clean environment is a healthy environment, and should be sort by all. Be a GOOD NEIGHBOUR and ensure that trash and litter are properly stored in designated areas in the community e.g. provided waste bins. Furthermore, black bags should not be used to litter the streets. Put them out on the pavement on the designated day of removal for your area e.g. by 7.15am on Wednesday mornings for Cathays. To find out about black bag removal days for your street, free collection of unwanted furniture or appliances, and the Council’s Pest Control Division, call the Cardiff Council Cleansing Department on: 029 2077 5533

LET’S ALL CONTRIBUTE TO KEEPING CARDIFF CLEAN. PLEASE DO NOT FORGET TO REGISTER ON WWW.CARDIFFSTUDENTS.COM

Got a cold or the flu? Blocked nose, sore throat, headache, aches and pains.....

Common Cold Centre

Cardiff School of Biosciences, Off Park Place, near the Tower Block Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm

20 ● Sport

gairrhydd, Monday 26 November 2001

Indian winter lays in wait for England CRICKET JJR Callows

TOP: Ganguly, will skipper the side despite his tendency to enrage his opposition. BELOW: Sachin Tendulkar, a world class batsman who poses a massive threat to England

ENGLAND’S PASSAGE to India has scarcely been more complicated or convoluted. Shorn of their best two bowlers, and their two senior batsman, a makeshift England side must perform at the most intimidating outpost on crickets carousel. Recent victims of Sourav Ganguly’s men include the mighty Australians, who succumbed to their local knowledge par excellance. But it seems we will always see two Indias. One that slays the best team in the world on their home turf, with a spin attack that bamboozles and a batting line-up that accumulates and astounds. The other that in foreign climes serves an insipid korma of slow seam bowling and inconsistent shot selection. Unfortunately for England, they must face the former, when their own team may prove to resemble the latter of their rivals. But just who will be manning the fortress that Hussain et al are hoping to storm? In short, a young battle hardened side with one or two gems that can swing a game single handedly. The Indians will be led by the left handed Sourav Ganguly, an upright, somewhat aloof character who has not endeared

himself to many over the past year. He is however, cool and calculative, and tucks in to any loose ball from the spinners. A narrow, short pitch attack may unsettle him, and he can be drawn into ill advised cut shots. Steve Waugh recently described Sachin Tendulkar as the second best batsman ever. He is by no means exaggerating Idolised by the Indians, he is almost flawless, and his attack on Englands bowlers must not get them down. He does this to everyone. However, his short stature and heavy bat may make Tendulkar prone to the bouncer early on in his innings. But when he gets his eye in... India’s answer to Mr Reliable Graham Thorpe may be Rahul Dravid, who oozes class and boasts a delectable tests average in excess of 52. Not far behind him in the style stakes is VVS Laxman, who hit that wonderful run of form against the Australians last year. Minimal foot movement is almost compensated for by his whippy wrists, and builds up momentum through his innings. However, his mediocre Test average does not lie. He can be thought out by a sensible fast bowler. Backing up the established players are a whole queue of young, confident and gifted

batsman. SS Das is an anchorman with panache, Virender Sehwag a blazing shotmaker who made a century on his debut and 19 year old Yuvraj Singh a prodigy in the mode of the West Indian Sarwan. Leading the attack for India will be the experienced Javagal Srinath, who gets the ball to rear up from a length, is a master of reverse swing but lacks stamina. He will take the new ball with the left arm quick Ashish Nehra, who makes up for Srinath’s small tank, and is perhaps the most promising of the young Indian seamers. A few overs later, India will unleash the worlds best spin attack, bar none. Anil Kumble boasts dead eye accuracy at some speed, and hurries the batsman with his trademark topspinners. Harbajhan Singh is remarkably only 21, and this off spinner was mainly responsible for slaying the Aussies and giving finger spinners around the world hope with his blend of height, predigious bounce and turn. Only left handers can anul his many unplayable balls. So England beware. Forget the lethargic side that sloped round Lord’s a few years back, and prepare for a trench battle that will amount to their greatest test of character so far, including their joust with the baggy green cap.

cardiff university students’ union

xpressradio

join us on air now

106.8fm

www.xpressradio.co.uk

Sport ● 21

gairrhydd, Monday 26 November 2001

Right royal mess for ‘King’ Henry RUGBY UNION

Chris Wathan AFTER GRAHAM Henry’s first year as Welsh coach, he was treated like royalty. But this long year has seen a change of fortunes and the New Zealander’s red empire may well yet crumble around him. In what was planned as a morale boosting victory over unfancied opposition, Wales were outplayed, outthought and generally outdone by their Argentinian counterparts 16-30. The Millennium Stadium, not exactly full to the rafters, was set for the crowning of Prince Harris but his opposite number, the mercurial Fellipe Contemponi, stole the show with a 25 point haul. In all fairness to Harris, his two hundred minutes of rugby union experience was simply not enough to impose his individual brilliance in the pivotal position of fly half. And it showed. The acquisition from Rugby League was singled out as a defining weakness in the Welsh game plan and when Contemponi charged down an attempted Harris clearance to score,

Argentina sensed victory. Little else was offered by the home team’s attack and whilst the red back-line stuttered and stalled, Argentina built a lead through unrelenting pressure and poor Welsh discipline. Revolution was in the air – as it was against Ireland – boos and jeers replacing the echoes of Calon Lan and Bread of Heaven. Not good enough was the loud and simple message from the Welsh fans and whilst only the good Dai Young, Henry’s captain chose to fall on his sword rather than face yet more stinging public criticism. But such are the pressures of international sportsmen, something Iestyn Harris will soon find out as the weight of Wales’s aspirations for the 2003 World Cup lay firmly on his gifted shoulders. It is this competition that Henry is aiming for; the Tongan match described as “the first step in rebuilding” by Henry. And indeed the glimmer of hope shone in performances by Cardiff product Jamie Robinson and full back Kevin Morgan as Wales disposed of the ill-disciplined South Sea islanders 51-7. World class acts Rob Howley and Scott Quinnell

returned to looking like world class acts, something that will be hopefully displayed in tougher tests. The fluid movement of the backs combined with the sheer power of the pack offered the fans a bit more to cheer than in the previous week’s dismal showing. Harris certainly looked much more comfortable in a switch to outside centre where he could learn from the maestro, old Warrington team mate Allan Bateman. Henry’s stay of execution had been granted by a Welsh team with more “hwyl” in it that had been seen for some time. But if players can not be motivated for matches by just simply pulling on that famous red shirt then surely that is not the coaches fault. The dour Kiwi can also look forward to the respective returns of Mark Taylor and Martyn Williams from injury to boost his squad and all of a sudden the future doesn’t look so gloomy. And if ever there was a time to try out raw talent, these ‘friendlies’ are the right choice to so. But one thing is for sure, Graham Henry will certainly remember 2001 as his Annus Horribilus.

Stunning Lennox becomes a great BOXING

J.L O’Sullivan LENNOX LEWIS ascended to illustrious company during the early hours of last Sunday at the Mandalay Resort, Las Vegas. The Briton became only the third heavyweight in history to be crowned champion of the world on three occasions and only the fourth to regain the championship following an immediate rematch. The scything right hand that ended the reign of incumbant champion, Hasim Rahman, after one minute and 29 seconds of the fourth round went some way to undoing the damage caused to Lewis’ reputation after his humbling stoppage at the hands of the American in South Africa seven months ago. A performance as shambolic as that which culminated in defeat for Lewis earlier this year never seemed likely. On that occasion a woefully

ill prepared and a noticably out of sorts Lewis left himself exposed against Rahman. His camp subsequently earned their man a rematch after recourse to the courts. It was a life-line that the former champion relished. So it was that seven months of baiting by the bombastic American came to be repaid in such a majestic yet terrible manner last Sunday. “I had six months of his insults, his lack of respect,” said Lewis after his comprehensive victory,”and it was time to put a stop to all that.” Rahman’s much publicised attempts to intimidate his rival reached a bizarre apex in the moments before the fight as he tried to enter the challenger’s dressing room whilst Lewis was being gloved. The American provided little to trouble the experienced and technically superior Lewis and his class finally told in the fourth. A little over a minute into the

round, a left hook offered-up Rahman’s jaw and a huge right pole-axed the champion. He rose on the count of eight but fell back onto the canvas. Referee, Joe Cortez, had no choice but to bring his brief tenure as champion to an end. All that remained to be done was to remove the enamel portrait of Rahman which had been attached on his instructions to the WBC belt alongside the likenesses of legends, Joe Louis and Muhammad Ali. Lewis’ days in the wilderness were over. Lennox Lewis, once again WBC and IBF heavyweight champion of the world, will now undoubtedly turn his attention to Mike Tyson. After a tortuous decade and more of self-inflicted trauma ‘Iron’ Mike still casts a long shadow. A meeting of these two giants, possibly in April of next year, will surely make very rich men of both.

Job well Dunne for Whitton’s U’s BLUEBIRDS

CARDIFF CITY COLCHESTER UNITED

1 1

Michael Pearlman from Ninian Park CARDIFF CITY once again threw away two home points as Colchester United capitalised on another complacent Bluebirds performance. City, who have now won only one of there last six home games in the league, were booed off the park at the full time whistle last Tuesday, after Joe Dunne scored an 86th minute equaliser for the visitors. What made the result all the more disappointing for the City faithful, was the fact that Colchester’s late leveller represented their only effort on Neil Alexander’s goal in the entire match. Indeed Steve Whitton, the U’s manager, seemed almost embarrassed to have come away from Ninian Park with a point. He said: “That was the worst we have played away from home all season, we have played much better this season and been beaten comfortably.”

It could have easily been different for City, who took the lead on 34 minutes through 18-year-old reserve striker James Collins. Collins, who was drafted in just hours before kick-off when Paul Brayson failed a late fitness test on a hamstring strain, was selected Alan Cork explained, for his height advantage against a small Colchester rearguard. Collins was making his first full start for the Bluebirds and he celebrated by firing home from six yards, after Leo Fortune West had headed down a Graham Kavanagh corner. The goal came after half an hour in which City had plenty of possession but created very little. Central defender Scott Young came closest to breaking the early deadlock, heading wide from a corner on eight minutes and just missing the ball at the back post on 16 minutes after a vicious Andy Legg throw in. A goal for Young would have been very special as he overcame illness to make his 300th appearance for Cardiff City. His standing ovation at the beginning of the game represented one of the few highlights of the night. After the goal City could and should have extended their lead, as Earnshaw and Spencer Prior both missed chances to extend the Bluebirds lead. Unfortunately Cardiff were left to rue these chances as they created little in a dismal second half. Colchester began keeping the possession themselves and the City passing became littered with errors. Frustration crept in, and after Willie Boland was

booked for a ferocious tackle on Bobby Bowry, he had a set-to with his own player, Leo Fortune West. Fortune West was taken off soon after, having headed City’s best second half chance tamely at Woodman on 70 minutes, after an Earnshaw cross. City’s second substitution was also a little controversial, as Captain Graham Kavanagh was taken off much to his surprise for the second consecutive home game. This seemed academic as for all their effort, with four minutes to go Colchester still hadn’t managed a shot on goal. However, this all changed when Scott Young gave the ball away to substitute Kevin Rapley whose pace took him clear of the Bluebirds rearguard. Rapley reached the by-line and crossed to rightback Joe Dunne, who volleyed the ball crisply into the top left hand corner of Alexander’s goal to earn the Layer Road men a point. After the game Cardiff manager Alan Cork admitted he was disappointed with some of his players. He commented: “The concentration level for the goal was poor and certain players are not doing what they are told, meaning one shot on goal has cost us two points today.”

Earlier in the week City overcame a potential banana skin by comfortably beating non league Tiverton Town 3-1 in the FA Cup. Tiverton had switched the tie to Ninian Park on police advice and goals from Paul Brayson, Leo Fortune West and Robert Earnshaw saw City through.

Cardiff now face Port Vale at home in the second round of the competition in a game they will expect to win. After the game against Colchester, manager Alan Cork has moved to bolster his squad by signing former England U21 international Dean Gordon. Gordon, a left sided defender, signs on a months loan from Middlesbrough with a view to a permanent move. Gordon’s signing will be seen as a welcome boost by the Ninian Park faithful as he is a player with unquestionable Premiership pedigree.

VISIT THE BLUEBIRDS AT: WWW.Cardiffcityfc.co.uk

YOUNG: Played his 300th game for City

●

Brecon Carreg IMG Sport

WEDNESDAY 21 NOVEMBER FOOTBALL GROUP A Momed AFC

Walkover as Hindu were a no show

10-0 Hindu 2-4

R.Park Rangers

1-1

Carbs B

Carbs A

2-1

Nomads

Dubs

Shute, Moreno

Hellenic

Ioannidis 2, Makphe, Triantafyloy Luff

Bladon

FOOTBALL GROUP B Mathletico Madrid 0-6 Accountancy

Ford 4, Hamer, o.g

Big Cheese

2-5 Wok United

Fire Engin

3-0 Archaelogy

Real Economics

6-1

n/a n/a

Knibbs 2, McGovern 2, March 2

n/a

History

o.g

FOOTBALL GROUP C Irish

2-3 Engin Spares

Chemistry

5-2 Plan City

Law A

4-3 Pharmacy

Spartak Sawsa

4-7 Gym Gym

n/a

Colligan, Mannion 2, Kiery 2 Mark F. Scouse 2, Ol n/a

Smith, Dan

Price, Adam, Dan Gog 3, Worby, Smith 3

FOOTBALL GROUP D Jomec

3-0 English

Economics

6-1 Hackers

Psycho Athletico

2-3 Torpedo Dynamo

Law B

1-2

L.Evans 2, Richards

n/a

Mark

n/a

Fulham, McQueen, Halloran

Planathinaikos Moorie, Martyn

IMG

2001 2002

FIXTURES 28.11.2OO1 FOOTBALL GROUP A

Momed AFC Hindu R.Park Rangers Nomads

VS. VS. VS. VS.

Carbs A Carbs B Hellenic Chemsoc

FOOTBALL GROUP B Fire Engin Archaelogy Mathletico Madrid Accountancy

VS. VS. VS. VS.

Big Cheese History Wok United Real Economics

FOOTBALL GROUP C Irish Engin Spares Plan City Law A

VS. VS. VS. VS.

Chemistry Pharmacy Gym Gym Spartak Sawsa

FOOTBALL GROUP D Jomec Planathinaikos Economics Torpedo Dynamo

Engin remain top of the pile IMG RUGBY Gavin Harris

Chemsoc II John, Gareth

gairrhydd, Monday 26 November 2001

VS. VS. VS. VS.

Psycho Athletico Hackers Law B English

Table toppers Engin stuttered in their attempts to continue winning ways in the latest round of IMG rugby, but nevertheless still overturned a brave Pharmacy side 11-0. The Engineers gave a thoroughly inept performance and took some time to warm up, never looking like troubling the Pharmacy tryline in the opening stages. As expected, Engineering dominated in the forwards but, apart from a few promising back movements, they needed to step up an extra gear if they were to secure

the points and maintain their title aspirations. Indeed, that gear was found when Colin Whitbread crossed in the corner, the thankful recipient of good interplay between both forwards and backs. Adam Spiller failed to improve the try with his touchline conversion attempt and the scores remained at 5-0 until Spiller made amends, with an easy three-pointer in front of the posts. But deadlock ensued for much of the remainder of the match, a credit to both sides’ defences. Engin put their foot to the metal in a final attempt to build a score but, after finding all routes blocked by the resilient Pharmacists, settled for another three points from the

NETBALL Laura Welsh, Llinos Phillips and Natalie Lewis FRESH FROM their stunning victory over Malaysian the previous week, English faced the masterful UWC with the IMG chair making her season debut for English. English performed well despite having had to scrape a team together. It was a good tempered game and by half time the score was 7-4 to UWC B. In the second half the strong UWC B strikeforce of Amy and Jo went on to score another seven goals and despite strong defence by Laura and Eloise, the game ended 15 - 7 to UWC B. Psycho B faced their toughest opponents yet, Law B. With a few missed scoring opportunities by Law B, Psycho B took advantage and came away with a victory in what was a closely fought match. Psycho B maintained an accurate

boot of Spiller. With the forwards building the platform, lock-turned scrumhalf Alex Harris found Spiller who made no mistake. Although Pharmacy never really looked like scoring any points of their own, they will be encouraged by their gutsy defensive performance. But Engin will hope that a thorough inspection of themselves will rectify their faults and result in a return to their finely tuned rugby displays of recent weeks. The full rugby results were: Masts 19 vs Sawsa 15 Law 50 vs Gym Gym 12 Pharmacy 20 Carbs B 10 Carbs A 45 vs Sawsa B 0 Engineering 11 vs Pharmacy 0.

shooting standard through out and eventually won 8- 5. Law A maintained their stunning form, with yet another victory this week against Carbs B. Law A gave a great display of attacking moves and GK Sara ensured a strong defence limiting any scoring opportunities Carbs B had. Carbs B managed two goals in the second half but the mighty Law A were too strong and came away with a 19-2 victory Planning put up a great fight against Biosciences but could not match Chemy‘s great team play. Great shooting from Jo Score and Amy Bergiers secured the game for Chemy, with the final result being 14-6 to Chemy. The other results were: Economics 15- 5 Comsoc Carbs A 31 - 1 Malaysian UWC A 22 - 4 Gym Gym Pharmacy 21 - 2 Phist Psycho A 26 - 1 Socsi

Race hots up IMG FOOTBALL Dicky Fox Jones THE LINE up for the Premiership is almost complete. With one round of preliminary matches still to take place, just two spots have yet to been occupied for the top flight. This year’s surprise team in many people’s eyes have surely been those perennial underachievers Law B. Despite going down to Group D promotion rivals Planathinaikos 2-1 last week, the reserve lawyers will be brimming with confidence that they can get the win against Economics to see them into the top division. But Law B’s eyes will also be on the spectacularly named Town Planning team, hoping that they slip up against basement side Hackers. Last year’s winners Jomec will once again be challenging for honours after

promotion and top spot in their group was sealed with an efficient 3-0 defeat of English. Ageing striker Chris Evans continued on his goal run with a brace, and the journalists will be hoping that his free scoring talents will not dry up once stiffer competition is faced. In Group C, Plan City’s recent run of bad form opened the door for both Law A and Gym Gym to make late dashes for the runner’s up spot. Gym Gym will have the uphill task having to get a result against Plan whilst also hoping Law lose in their match with Sawsa. Even then, the Welshmen will have to hope that their eightgoal disadvantage to the lawyers will be overcome. Real Economics and Accountancy both sealed Premiership status in the tricky Group B by gaining wins last week. Both sides managed to smash their

opponents for six, with History and Maths respectively being on the end of hidings to nothing. It was a particularly disappointing result for History which effectively ended their title aspirations, but their won three lost three record illustrates the lack of consistency that has plagued them this season. Momed and former IMG kings Carbs A have walked away with Group A, both boasting six wins from six. But one 100% record will go next week as the sides come face to face in a taster of their Premiership fixture on January 30th. The make up of all four of the final divisions will finally be revealed at quarter past four this Wednesday, leaving captain’s and players alike to spend the Christmas recess dreaming of championship glory and dreading the battles for survival.

FOOTBALL GROUP A Pos 1 Carbs A 2 Momed AFC 3 R.Park Rangers 4 Hellenic 5 Carbs B 6 Chemsoc II 7 Nomads 8 Hindu

P 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6

W 6 6 3 3 2 2 1 0

D 0 0 1 0 1 0 0 0

L 0 0 2 3 3 4 5 6

F 36 33 25 24 12 18 16 4

A GD Pts 6 +30 18 7 +26 18 12 +13 10 17 +7 9 12 0 7 26 -8 6 9 +7 3 67 -63 0

FOOTBALL GROUP B Pos 1 Real Economics 2 Accountancy 3 History 4 Fire Engin 5 Archaelogy 6 Wok United 7 Mathletico Madrid 8 Big Cheese

P 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6

W 4 4 3 2 2 1 1 0

D 2 2 0 3 2 3 2 0

L 0 0 3 1 2 2 3 6

F 29 23 17 13 10 15 11 9

A 9 7 19 10 14 20 20 27

GD Pts +20 14 +16 14 -2 9 +3 8 -4 8 -5 6 -9 5 -18 0

FOOTBALL GROUP C Pos 1 Chemsoc 2 Law A 3 Gym Gym 4 Plan City 5 Irish 6 Engin Spares 7 Spartak Sawsa 8 Pharmacy

P 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6

W 5 4 3 3 2 2 1 0

D 1 1 1 0 1 0 1 3

L 0 1 2 3 3 4 4 3

F 20 25 20 15 17 15 15 11

A GD Pts 9 +11 16 12 +13 13 15 +5 10 20 -5 9 15 +2 7 26 -11 6 24 -9 4 17 -6 3

FOOTBALL GROUP D Pos 1 Jomec 2 Planathinaikos 3 Law B 4 Economics 5 Psycho Athletico 6 Torpedo Dynamo 7 English 8 Hackers

P 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6

W 6 4 4 3 3 2 1 0

D 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0

L 0 1 2 3 3 4 5 6

F 31 30 12 16 11 10 7 6

A GD Pts 4 +27 18 11 +19 13 14 -2 12 11 +5 9 19 -8 9 27 -17 6 25 -18 3 27 -21 0

Sport ● 23

gairrhydd, Monday 26 November 2001

BUSA championship on course for Miles boys BASKETBALL

ROWING

Ben Adams THE MEN’S basketball team inched closer to the BUSA Championship finals by disposing of Bath 66-36 at Talybont last week. After Bath took the early initiative with the first scores of the game, Cardiff bounced back from the freethrow line, Dan Miles holding his nerves to tie the match. The scores remained close throughout the first quarter, with Cardiff edging it 17-14. Bath only managed two points throughout the second quarter in comparison to Cardiff’s tally of 30, evidence of UWC’s ability to capitalise on chances, where as Bath all too easily suffered possession turnovers. Dimitrid Dorizas and Wole Oluwasanmi dominated the scoring as the game entered its closing stages, effectively sealing the result for Cardiff. With Oluwasanmi acting as the cornerstone of Cardiff’s success the result was never in doubt, but despite individual efforts it was the overall performance that left captain Dan Miles smiling. “The team played really well together. This was a crucial win which now puts us second in the table. Very good, very nice”.

WOMEN’S RUGBY Alice Millford-Scott

Emma Waterfall and Paul Bearer LAST SATURDAY saw the senior women’s rowing team kicking off their racing year at the Four’s Head in London. The race was 7.5km long which offered a significant endurance test for a developing team containing both experienced scullers and new blood. The all-star squad made a massive and well-deserved leap from a starting position of 441 to an impressive finishing place of 314th and the two coxed fours also made respectable gains up the ranks, jumping about 20 and 50 places each. MASTERY RANG from the walls after Cardiff’s male fencing match against Cranfield on Wednesday 7th November. Cardiff won all three of their matches, maintaining concentration to score consistently. The scores for the foil match finished Cardiff 45 Cranfield 40, although this was to be the only time UWC looked fallible. The epée match showed a widening gap as Cranfield weakened but the final slashing defeat came in the sabre match, with Cardiff trouncing their much poorer opponents.

AFTER ALL of their early season matches were cancelled, women’s Rugby met Swansea in a highly anticipated game last week. After a static first 15 minutes Cardiff’s winger, Penny Parsons, sprinted over the line to score the first try of the match, which was quickly followed by another from fullback Alice Milford-Scott. With Cardiff 14 points up Swansea needed to turn things around quickly, but their fans were to be disappointed when they failed to close the gap. Then Cardiff’s captain and flyhalf Tamsyn Ryall made an amazing break from their twenty two, ducking and diving up the pitch only to be tackled on the tryline, but she managed to pop the ball off to outside centre Cheryl Tyler who duly touched down to bring the score to 24-0 at half time. Swansea soon struck back, laying siege to Cardiff’s tryline and managing to bundle over the line for their only try of the match. But this was to prove nothing more than a consolation as Gwen Brassington (2) and Cheryl Tyler rapped things up to secure 43-5 win.

Reigning champions stutter KORFBALL Neil Blain EXPECTATIONS WERE high for Cardiff Korfball in the final freshers tournament in Nottingham last weekend, but the reigning champions failed to spark. Unfortunately, neither of the two teams Cardiff entered could repeat the form of last year, but still managed to play well without displaying any glaring faults. Cardiff 1sts was instantly disheartened with a loss to London but showed character by coming back from 3 - 1 down to draw 3 - 3 with Nottingham, who eventually came second in the tournament. The goals were scored by Helen McGlynn, making her debut, and Neil Blain who equalised with a well-timed long shot at the end of the game. However, a loss to Birmingham in the third game ensured

that Cardiff 1sts would not be in the running for a high position, and a win against Cambridge, with goals from Lucy Rybij and Helen Bray, only just prevented the team from falling into the lowest division, finishing 13th from 18. Cardiff 2nds performed slightly more impressively entering the early stages with goalless draws against St Andrews and Edinburgh, a nail biting final minute loss against East Anglia and a solid victory against Nottingham Trent, with goals from Sharon Quick and John Gullick. Unfortunately the second half of the tournament brought with it a dire performance against London who prevailed 3 - 0. The Cardiff second string finished the day by beating Leeds 1-0, Pete Christensen scoring in the dying minutes,with a huge long shot from downtown at the half way line. Despite Cardiff’s average performance, hopes are high for next weeks Southerns tournament in East Anglia – the first serious event of the year – where the team performance will ultimately decide the ranking they receive when they enter the national tournament in Nottingham after Christmas.

RUGBY FIRSTS: Sixth win of the season owes much to morale

Stavely scores MEN’S RUGBY Woody Cramer and Scott Chipowski CARDIFF FIRST XV recorded their sixth win of the season as they defeated UWC Newport 31- 14. Stand in captain James McKay and his front row colleagues of John Lucas and substitute Dan Bowyer provided the platform which allowed Cardiff to dominate for the entire eighty minutes. Centre Gareth Clement marked his return from injury with a match winning performance, whilst Dominic Gaynor capped his first appearance back in the senior side with a fine individual display. Former Swansea youth scrum half Rob Lawson set Cardiff on their way with an incisive break from the base of the scrum. Lawson’s early score was followed by an opportunistic try from his half-back partner Gaynor, before Newport forced their way back into the game with two converted scores. Cardiff firsts re-asserted their dominance through Dom Stavely’s push over try five minutes before the break. Andy Boyd then watched his side pull away from the visitors with two further scores from London Broncos centre Ben Jenkins and combative hooker John Lucas. Despite Stavely’s late sin-

binning, Cardiff never looked in danger of relinquishing their lead. In terms of individual performances, Scott Walker dominated the lineout again, while left wing Connor McConchie looked dangerous throughout. More importantly, the ability of the squad to cope with the absence of captain Andy Boyd and inspirational blind side Rhidian Jones again demonstrated the togetherness and potential of the present UWC side. Meanwhile, dynamic flanker James Cole shone in what was essentially the 2nd XV getting their season back on track after last week’s dreadful display. They outscored Cheltenham & Gloucester four tries to two in what were challenging conditions. Notable performances came from the uncompromising defence of Henry Morris, the added flair of Chris Daplin and hooker Neil Gad, who was more than willing to show off his own personal version of the Barry John side step. Multi skilled second row Fred Scott was even in line to take up the kicking duties, however a last minute addition to the team ensured that his John Eales-esque qualities were shelved until next week, when Exeter travel up the M5 for a potentially explosive confrontation with the seconds.

Cardiff bemoan lack of wind SAILING Richard Roberts CARDIFF UNIVERSITY Sailing Club hosted the Welsh Dragon event at Port Talbot last week, despite fears for safety after the nearby Corus Steel Works plant exploded. The weekend commenced with 15 teams from locations all over the UK, including Cork, Nottingham, Oxford, London, and Southampton, as well as a Cardiff Old Boys team, aiming to emerge above their rivals. Saturdays weather wasn’t by any means conducive to competitive sailing, and a three hour delay held up proceedings. However, the wind soon filled in, enabling the first 18 rounds to

be completed by 2pm. Cardiff had mixed success, with the Second team only managing to win one of their races, and individual efforts making up for average performances elsewhere. Sunday proved equally disappointing with Swansea failing to compete through a shortage of crews, and wind conditions remaining poor in comparison to those enjoyed at Port Talbot in recent weeks. Southampton won the overall event, with Oxford coming second, and Bristol taking third place. The weekend prior to the Welsh Dragon Event had seen the Sailing Student Nationals, this year held at Weymouth. Cardiff failed to impress again, mainly as a result of unfortunate sailing conditions which didn’t

suit UWC crews. With no wind, the majority of competitors could only drift over the start line. Of the Laser II Class, just one boat finished, only to be later penalised for a rule infringement. Matt Bromley and Russell Smithers were also disqualified, while Tom Condie with Henrietta Svensson, and Caroline Gutridge with Jo Carr were unable to finish the course. Sunday also saw poor conditions, and few competitors from Cardiff were able to get on the water before the sailing started. The winds gradually improved but regrettably Cardiff’s performances suffered in comparison to the normally exceptional standards that have become the norm for this talented group of sailors.

SAILING: Poor conditions blight Welsh Dragon Event

Sport

BUSA: All the latest BUSA action

Gair Rhydd

PLUS: IMG results, scorers, reports and league tables Free Word 706

Monday 26 November 2001

Polo sides make big splash WATERPOLO

Joanne Ford

LAST WEEK saw both UWC water polo teams travel to Exeter and then Cheltenham as part of the lead up to the first round of BUSA competition. After the journey to Exeter last Saturday the teams were eager to enter the water and show their worth. There was no disappointment and Cardiff certainly dominated the game. The men’s contest got off to a smashing start with five goals scored in the first five minutes, leaving Exeter trailing behind. In the second quarter UWC seemed to cool off a bit and some sloppy marking, a few Exeter shots (including one penalty) breached the UWC goal, leaving the score at the end of the second quarter 12-3 to Cardiff. After a quick team talk the men seemed back on track. Cardiff enjoyed some excellent scoring from veterans John Holland and Joff CowlynBryant and an impressive performance from new goalie Tim Marshall, in the third quarter, leaving the score 20-3. During the final quarter Cardiff showed no signs of tiring and went on to win by a staggering score of 25-5. It was then the turn of the women and after the men’s score, they certainly had a lot to

live up to. At the end of the second quarter the extensive stamina training seemed to be paying off and it looked like it wasn’t going to be Exeter’s day as a seemingly fresh UWC team finished with an 8-0 lead. The third quarter saw Exeter make some headway with the bar being hit a few times, however, the Cardiff team kept up their tight marking and romped home to an impressive 15-0 victory. After playing Cheltenham earlier in the season, both teams used the away game to show how much they had improved and developed their skills since the last time they played. This time it was the women’s turn to play first and lead the way. It was not to be an easy game as the team were fully put to the test by Cheltenham’s strong defensive play, however once the goals started coming, there was to be no stopping them. Mention must go to fresher Nikki Harris who showed some excellent attacking moves, and gave no clues to her relative inexperience. The team demonstrated how much they had improved by winning 13-0 as opposed to the close 6-0 victory when they met Cheltenham in Cardiff three weeks ago. The men’s game was in part, a different story. The team showed little of the skill that has taken them to the

title of BUSA champions for the last four years. The warm, narrow pool did not lend itself to the men’s style of play and they just couldn’t seem to find the goal. However, all was not lost and after strong words from player/coach Mark Taylor at the end of the second quarter, UWC managed to break through Cheltenham’s physical defence and their natural skills proved

them to be the best team. However, it would be fair to say that they were disappointed with the 8-2 score-line against such an inexperienced team. Next week, the women’s team will host the first round of BUSA in Cardiff and the men travel to Swansea next Saturday. Both teams will also be defending their UW titles in these tournaments and are now in intensive preparatory training.

Chris Knapman

HERON: Saw his team home

a-a

Lampeter

AFC II

0-0

Aberystwyth

WAFC I

12-0

UWCN

Badminton I

3-5

Southampton

BadmintonW

8-1

Southampton

66-36

Bath

Basketball W 45-64 Southampton

Above: Women’s team in fine form. Below: Men unbeaten in four years, will be looking to retain UW crown.

Heron takes charge KARTING

AFC I

Basketball

PINKERTON-HERON SEES TEAM HOME AT THE DEATH

WITH THE start of inter-university karting championships only weeks away, the fearless Cardiff University karters got in some essential endurance practice on a wet and windy Llandow circuit last Wednesday. The two hour race was by far the toughest test of the season so far for the karters, who are aiming to improve on their fourth position in

BUSA RESULTS CHECK

last years interu n i v e r s i t y championship. Heading the cold and wet field off the start was defending club champion Craig Camilleri, closely followed by Henry Beaudette, Simon Matthews and Jon Pinkerton-Hiron. A spin by Geoff Charles on lap two meant that the race had to be re-started. However despite his engine cutting out at the restart, Beaudette was able to pull back into the lead after the fuel stops until a costly spin lost the team valuable time. A race long battle for the lead ended on lap 92 with PinkertonHiron and his two team

mates Ben Hickling and Rich Parkes beating the second placed team, consisting of Beaudette, Amir Farboud and Chris Knapman, by just half a lap. Race winner, Pinkerton-Hiron commented: “We have done really well to win in these conditions. It was hard work, but I’m sure everyone had a good time.” The wet weather combined with the increasing darkness made for tricky racing conditions. There proved to be a fine line between sliding the kart through a slippery hairpin at the bottom of the twisty track, and spinning it entirely.

This is a line that most of the karters explored a little too closely at times. Chairman of Cardiff University karting, Paul Pulze said: “The standard of driving has been very high considering the weather. It looks as though we will have a strong team for this years inter-uni championship.”

Hockey MI

1-3

Hockey MII

3-1

C&G

Hockey MIII

0-8

Bristol II

Hockey WII

3-0

UWC III

Lacrosse I

24-7

C&G

Netball I

42-36

Netball II

32-22

Swansea II

Netball III

110-3

Trinity II

UWE

Bath

RUFC I

29-14

Newport

RUFC II

24-14

C&G

RUFC III

0-15

Swansea III

WRUFC

43-5

Swansea

Squash M I

3-2

Southampton

Squash M II

0-3

UWIC II

Squash WI

a-a Southampton III

Volleyball W

0-3

Portsmouth

Tennis W

5-0

Swansea

RUGBY: Report Inside

GAIR RHYDD IS PUBLISHED BY UNIVERSITY UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN ■ TEL: (029) 2078 1400 EXT. 434 ■ REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE ■ PRINTED AT WEST COUNTRY PUBLICATIONS, PLYMOUTH ■ THE GAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS ■ THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS ■ THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF, UNIVERSITY OF WALES ■ SPORT LOVE THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS GARDNER ■ “HARD MAN’S GONE SOFT EH?” ■ YEAH ITS THE SEA MONKEYS. SWIMMIN IN ME BELLY