gair rhydd - Issue 781

gair CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY

rhydd free word - EST. 1972

WEIRD SCIENCE

ISSUE 781 February 28 2005

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NUS Wales could cease to exist as more Welsh unions look to break away

By Will Talmage News Editor

Story continued on Page 3

PHOTOS: Adam Gasson & Emma Smith

STUDENTS’ UNIONS across Wales are considering disaffiliating from the NUS following Cardiff’s decision to call a vote on the issue.

After obtaining enough signatures to trigger a referendum, Cardiff has set the stage for other students’ unions to follow suit.

In particular, a number of different Welsh institutions have expressed concern that they are not getting value for money.

Cardiff alone pays an annual £50,000 affiliation fee and has raised questions as to the return on this investment. The University of Wales Institute Cardiff has organised a meeting to discuss the role of NUS Wales.

Jamie Mcindo, Education and Welfare Officer for UWIC, said: "We haven’t made any affirmative action but if Cardiff pulled out of NUS Wales we’re not sure it could cope."

Other unions have voiced similar anxieties. The Aberystwyth Guild of Students has taken the preliminary step of enquiring about the possibility of a referendum.

Guild President, Bethan Jenkins, said: "We’re doing a questionnaire, looking at the pros and cons of disaffiliating. Sometimes the students cannot differentiate between the services NUS Wales offer and the benefits the Union itself implements."

A spokesperson for Swansea Union emphasised they have been involved with NUS Wales for a long time and believe there is still a use for the NUS, but emphasised that questions have been raised as to the amount of resources absorbed by the affiliation fee.

UWIC STUDENTS’ UNION: Doubting the future of NUS Wales if Cardiff University leave and INSET: The UWIC Students’ Union logo

News

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February 14 2005

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At

a glance November 29 2004

News Taf-Od Opinion Politics Women’s Day Health Science Jobs and Money NUS Special Media Letters Five Minute Fun Television Problem Page Competitions Listings Sport

1 10 13 17 20 22 23 24 26 28 30 32 33 42 43 44 47

EDITOR Gary Andrews DEPUTY EDITOR James Anthony ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR Elaine Morgan SUB EDITORS Bethany Whiteside, Robbie Lane, Morwenna Kearns, Victoria Southwood, David Ford, Decmi Thomas, Caroline Farwell NEWS Dave Doyle, Will Talmage, Matt Wilkin, Paul Dicken POLITICS Caroline Farwell EDITORIAL AND OPINION Alys Southwood, James Emtage SPORT John Stanton, Thom Airs LISTINGS Jim Sefton, Hannah Muddiman, Will Schmidt TELEVISION TV Willy, TV John, TV Katie, TV Manners, TV Grace LETTERS Perri Lewis GRAB Shell Plant TAF-OD Elgan Iorwerth SCIENCE Chris Matthews MEDIA Bec Storey HEALTH Jess Boydell JOBS AND MONEY Carly O’Donnell, Tom Scobie FIVE MINUYE FUN Sarah Bayes COMEDY PROBLEM Matt Hill HEADS OF PHOTOGRAPHY Luke Pavey, Adam Gasson PROOF READERS Chris Matthews, Emma Langley, Hannah Perry, Carly Sharples, Laura Tovey, Alys Southwood CONTRIBUTORS Sophie Robehmed, Dave Moon, Laura Quinn, Jayne McGill, Dadia Sam-Daliri, Tristan Hunt, Jenna Willcox, Georgie Mavrakis, Will Carson, Jemma Gander, James Emtage, Ed Vanstone, Andrew Rennison, Dan Ridler, David Griffiths, Caleb Woodridge, Jack Tomlinson, Joe Drennan, Emily Dicks, Kelly Brownhill, Perri Lewis, John Tuscany, Cara Lee, Rhys Tudur Owen, Tom Stevenson, Nicola Menage, Laura Wootton, Heather Casey, Gareth Owen, Matt Ramsden, Amy Davies, Chris Alllen, Helen Man, Rowen Beloljlca, Fraser Watson, Nick Parnell, James Woodroof, Alex Cinus, Jo Roberts, Sarah Bellingham, Emma Smith, Charlotte Harries

ADDRESS University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN EDITORIAL 02920 781434 / 02920 781436 ADVERTISING 0845 1300667 EMAIL gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com VISITORS Find us on the 4th floor of the Students’ Union

OPTICAL CONCLUSION

By Sophie Robehmed Reporter

PLANS FOR a new building that will provide improved space and resources have finally been approved for the School of Optometry and Vision Sciences.

The new building is set to maintain the department’s high standards.

The School is presently the toprated Optometry school in the UK for its teaching and research quality.

The improved facilities in Maindy Road are expected to attract highly qualified researchers and the consequent funding to Cardiff will give leading-edge expertise and facilities within Wales.

This will secure the School’s internationally respected name in the field of vision sciences.

However, the building development has caused controversy.

Last May, Gair Rhydd revealed how councillors had voted 4-3 against proposals to complete the building deemed ‘the £16 million mistake’ after construction had already started.

The Cardiff councillors have now given the green light to go ahead with the altered plans for the School’s new building.

The School is beneficial not only for students, but also for optometrists and general practitioners who are given ongoing professional development.

The needs of the community are also being met by the School.

Optometric care and specialist clinical services across Wales for patients with special educational needs and for patients with diabetes, glaucoma, epilepsy or low vision including those with partial sight or blindness are provided by the School.

On the prowl for cheaters Overseas funds sail away

By Dave Menon Reporter

A RECENT REPORT has declared that student plagiarism is likely to grow with experts fearing this could lead to the devaluation of British degrees.

An increase in international students, greater technology, interactive learning and added social pressures are claimed to be factors in the rise.

UK universities have been keen to stamp out plagiarism after a survey published last June revealed a quarter of students cheated.

The report revealed that: "student plagiarism in the UK is common and is probably becoming more so.”

The report states: "A decision to plagiarise may be associated with increasing pressures on students arising from undertaking paid work, heavier coursework load, or lack of personal organisation skills.

“When stresses rise, students see plagiarism as a reasonable and reasonably risk-free way out of difficulties."

But the report titled ‘Deterring, Detecting and Dealing with Student Plagiarism’ stressed that the majority of plagiarism is not deliberate.

It said: "Many studies show that the bulk of plagiarism can be attrib-

uted to students who do not understand academic requirements.

"The number of students falling into this category will grow as student cohorts become more diverse due to widening participation, increasing numbers of international students and greater use of different teaching modes.”

In response to the report a Cardiff University spokesperson said: "In session 2004/5 the University has introduced a new policy framework on plagiarism and unfair practice.

“It has been designed both to help students avoid inadvertent plagiarism and to ensure that allegations of unfair practice are considered in a timely and appropriate way.”

The report has been sent to universities across the UK by the Joint Information Services Committee (JISC), which has also provided institutions with detection software.

An article on the Jisc web site said: "The expectation is that plagiarism will increase, in part due to the ease with which students can now access and download work from the Web. “Students should be aware though, as the software offered by the Jisc Plagiarism Advisory Service will scan over four billion web pages to match up submitted work with that sourced from the Web."

By Sophie Robehmed Reporter

WELSH UNIVERSITIES are in a state of financial turmoil as Britain cuts down on the number of foreign students allowed in the country.

Despite the total number of university applicants rising by 8.9% so far this year, the number of international students applying to British universities has dropped by 5.3%, according to UCAS statistics.

Yet, as overseas students can pay up to eight times more than their UK equivalents, the news came as a double blow to universities already struggling financially.

Cardiff University Social Science Professor, Gareth Rees, who is also an expert on higher education believes that international students are vital for the HE sector: "Universities don’t make enough money from teaching home and EU students and research, which is where the debate about fees comes from."

He added: "In a sense we are making up that deficit from what international students bring in, therefore international students are very important to us. If you think of them as an income stream, they are a very significant element."

Professor Robert Pearce, vice chancellor at the University of Wales, Lampeter, agreed that reducing the number of foreign students in Wales "would have a significant impact on universities’ finances."

The Lampeter professor expressed concern regarding the ease of applying for visas: "There were a higher than normal proportion of rejections.

“The Government has two inconsistent policies – one is to encourage overseas students but the other is to make visa rules stricter. The charges for visa applications have also been doubled, which is likely to have an impact on recruitment."

A spokeswoman for Higher Education stated: "International students are a vital component to the survival of higher education institutions in Wales.”

“However, the increasingly restrictive visa policies could have a negative effect on Welsh higher education institutions’ position in the international student market."

She believes the Government’s decision to double the price of visa applications is wrong: "Higher Education Wales believes this is a mistake, especially at a time when higher education institutions are being encouraged to recruit more international students."

Thief makes Xpress getaway

By Dan Ridler and Laura Quinn Reporters IN A BREACH of security in Cardiff Students’ Union last Monday, a laptop worth over £1000 was stolen from Xpress radio offices.

The laptop, which belonged to Greg Shepherds, Head of tech at the student radio station, was stolen on Monday afternoon between 2 and 3 o’clock.

Greg had left the recently bought laptop on a chair in the office next door to where he was working.

The thief was seen to enter the Xpress offices at around two o’clock.

Nobody suspected anything unusual in seeing a new face around the office.

The suspect went to the toilet and left minutes later in a hurry.

A distraught Greg Shepherds has been refused compensation or support from Union officials. One Union

security member who had not yet heard about the incident commented, "It’s his own fault." Greg is now awaiting further information on support from home insurance of his parents.

A suspicious character was seen emerging from the office mid Tuesday afternoon. Tom Wellingham, Xpress station manager, who witnessed the departure of the individual, said "he looked a bit too chavy to be up here."

Not much more is known at this

stage as to the whereabouts of the laptop itself or the identity of the thief.

Greg, still in shock, told Gair Rhydd "you just don’t expect anyone to take anything out of a safe student office."

PC Bob Keohane, student liason officer for South Wales Police, commented: "that further investigation will be conducted, however retrieval of the stolen item is sadly highly unlikely.”

News

February 28 2005

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SAHARA-THON

By Will Talmage News Editor A CARDIFF student is set to run the most gruelling marathon on earth.

Ross Lovell, a second year Regional and Town Planning student, is preparing to run the Marathon des Sables in 2006.

Ross, 21, has already completed the Swiss Alpine marathon, the London marathon, the Mont Blanc Cross-country and, most recently, the Ironman triathlon in Norway.

Ross has suffered numerous setbacks. In October 2003 he broke his leg playing IMG football.

In plaster until the beginning of January last year, he has launched back into training and hopes to run

the 100 mile Mont Blanc Ultra marathon in the Summer.

The Marathon des Sables is a six day event held in Morocco and is a 150 mile race across the Sahara desert.

Reputedly the roughest race on Earth, temperatures range from 45 degrees centigrade in the day, down to 5 below at night.

In addition to the hostile conditions, the runners must carry all their supplies with them which include nine litres of water a day.

The money Ross manages to raise for the event will be donated to Macmillan Cancer Relief.

Ross has experienced numerous cases of cancer in his family, including bowel, prostate and breast cancer.

Last summer, Ross had three lumps removed from his neck, thankfully benign; this was the final incentive to run the race.

He hopes to raise over £3,000 for the charity. Ross commented that cancer “is just a terribly scary experience. It doesn’t affect just that one person but all the family and friends. It is very emotionally draining.”

But the event is not cheap. Ross has already paid the £500 registration fee, kindly donated by a family friend.

He still has to raise around £1,700 for the event, as well as the target figure for charity.

If you are interested in sponsoring Ross, you can e-mail him at lovellr2@cardiff.ac.uk.

GRUELLING: Contestants in the last Marathon des Sables

Sticking up for students

By Jayne McGill Reporter

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY students’ union has championed another student cause as several residents in Trust Halls have been surprised by an additional £100 fee.

Students living in the the NHS owned Trust Halls came to the union for support after receiving an email in November 2004 stating they must pay an access fee for the internet.

The union acted upon complaints and began negotiating with the University Residence and Catering Senior Management Team.

Pete Goodman, College President of Humanities and Science, explained how unfair and unexpected the charges were and said: "The students simply could not afford to pay out that sort of money."

The payment was reduced to £40 following the negotiations and Goodman has sought assurance that students in future years will not be placed in the same situation. He added: “The University has listened to the concerns of the student body and acted promptly."

Wrist-ful Thinking

By Nadia Sam-Daliri Reporter THE UNION has stepped up its campaign to keep Wednesday afternoons free.

Green wristbands, selling at £1 each are a visible sign of support for students who wish to back the cause.

Currently, free time offered on Wednesdays is merely a good-will gesture by the university.

But large numbers of students have raised concern to Union authorities that lecturers are not complying with the unwritten agreement.

Tom Gough, the Union’s Campaigns and PR Officer, is fronting the battle to make Wednesday afternoons part of

University policy.

But the Union is keen to emphasise that this is not a sports-specific cause. Despite the fact that many sports activities do take place on a Wednesday afternoon, the allocated free time also encompasses many areas of student development.

The breaching of free allocated time is detrimental to many students, not just those who engage in sports.

Personal progression, such as volunteering for the community, seeking advice, or enrolling on additional courses with The Life Long Learning Centre often take place on a Wednesday. Tom Gough has called this “a fully inclusive campaign” that all students will benefit from at some point in their University life.

Many less privileged students also rely on Wednesdays to carry out paid employment.

Real concern lies in the fact that it is certain students who appear to be at a real disadvantage.

Tanya Hunt, a 3rd year Physics student, relies on Wednesdays for netball tournaments. She says: “My lecturers are very good at keeping Wednesdays free but some of my team mates do engineering, and they have to make the difficult choice of choosing lectures or an important game.”

Engineering is a department that often breaches the time allocation, resulting in large numbers of students complaining about their disadvantage compared to those on other courses.

The cider house rules THE ANNUAL Real Ale and Cider Festival arrives in the Great Hall on Wednesday 2 March.

The event, lasting two days, features over 50 different beers. For nine years the festival has been run by the University’s Real Ale and Cider Society in support of various charities, rapidly rising to become the most popular student beer festival in the UK. This year’s good causes are the Cathay’s Community Centre, and the children’s hospice Ty Hafan.

ARM BANDS: Not just a gimmick

NUS Wales under threat Story continued from Front Rhodri Lewis, President of Swansea Institute’s Students’ Union, has claimed NUS Wales doesn’t ‘offer much to students.’ He described the democratic system as ‘a sham’ and claimed the buying power of the National Union of Students Services Limited (NUSSL) is the only cohesive element of NUS. This criticism of NUS comes as part of Rhodri Lewis’s manifesto, who will be running against current NUS Wales president James Knight, in the upcoming NUS elections.

But several unions have expressed their support for NUS Wales and have rejected any suggestion of disaffiliating. Phil Rees, President of Glamorgan’s union said: "We’ve worked very well with the NUS over the past few years.

"We think they are great value for money. They offer great training and are very quick to offer support with any problem we have.

We’ll definitely be staying with them."

Similarly, Lampeter and Bangor have gone on record saying they have no plans for leaving NUS Wales.

James Knight, NUS Wales President, has responded to this movement toward disaffiliation.

He said: "As a democratic organisation we welcome this debate. We believe NUS provides excellent value for its members. As far as we are aware it is not on the radar at any universities at the moment.

"We feel the vast majority are happy. Obviously it is an issue we take seriously."

Debate date set Page 5

News

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February 28 2005

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VISA CHARGES TO RISE

By Dave Menon Reporter

OUTRAGE: Cardiff students join protestors in London

Snack Attack The ‘largest food scare since BSE’ set to threaten students

By Tristan Hunt Reporter AN INVESTIGATION has revealed that many of the products in our cupboards and freezers may contain an illegal dye that could contribute to an increased risk in cancer.

The Food Standards Agency has so far revealed over 400 products sold in supermarkets across the UK that have been found to contain the dye known as Sudan I. The red dye usually used for colouring petrol, waxes and shoe polish, found its way into a batch of chilli powder used by Premier Foods to produce a Worcester sauce.

The sauce was then sold to hundreds of food companies who used it in the production of their goods.

The crisis is said to be the largest food alert since BSE and is going to be a tough problem to clear up.

The FSA is currently under scrutiny for failing to notice the illegal use of the dye and for the

time it took them to relay the information to the public.

Premier Foods reported its concerns about the dye on February 7th but it took until February 18th for an initial list of affected products to be put on the government website.

Furthermore, our neighbouring countries managed to detect the probl e m

over two years ago when the French authorities found the dye in chilli imports in 2003.

Out of the increasing number of affected products found so far, over half are the stereotypical student cuisine – the Ready Meal, a huge number of which are affected and sold in almost all major food outlets.

Others include Pot Noodles, a number of McDonalds sauces, Walkers Worcester Sauce flavoured crisps and a variety of cooking sauces.

A list of all known affected products can be found on the government website at www.food.gov.uk/sudanlist.

Dr Bell, chief executive of the FSA, advises that although "there is no risk of immediate illness and the health risk generally is likely to be very small, if you have any of these products at home it’s sensible not to eat them."

The supermarkets and shops that supply the affected goods are working with the FSA to remove them from their shelves, and customers are entitled to a full refund for any affected products that are returned to the store they were purchased from.

A DEMONSTRATION at the Home Office last Wednesday against increased visa charges, turned out to be an anti-climax as only 50 students showed up.

Fury erupted a fortnight ago, as the Home Office revealed plans to introduce a steep increase in visa charges for international students, estimated to be £500 for the ‘premium service’.

The proposed additional charge could discourage international students to study in Cardiff and universities throughout the UK. The protest, organised by the NUS, was supposed to consist of 300 students, according to a press release.

College President of Humanities and Science Pete Goodman attended the protest and said: "It was really disappointing that a National Union of Students could only muster 50 voices to express our grave concerns these increased visa charges will have on international students".

Although the demonstration was largely unsuccessful, 139 MPs signed the ‘early day motion 281’ which opposes the increased visa charges,

and suggests all fees should be dropped.

Incidentally, Cardiff Central MP Jon Owen Jones refused to sign the motion, as he felt there were some benefits in charging students.

However he believed the increased charges were very steep and therefore not properly justified.

In response to the proposed charges, Sang-Jin Park, a first year student studying English Language said: "I don’t think the charges are fair because I have to pay a large amount of money covering tuition fees and living costs.

"It seems that the Home Office are using international students as a way of making more money and I think this is disgusting."

Ironically, the Home Secretary Charles Clarke was not present during the demonstration which meant nobody was heard.

However Clarke has been notified of the growing unrest concerning the proposed charges via a letter sent by Owen Jones.

There are currently 2,229 international students at Cardiff University which make up approximately 10% of the student population.

STUDENTS FLOCK TO CARDIFF

By Tristan Hunt Reporter CARDIFF UNIVERSITY has seen a significant rise in undergraduate applications confirming it is first choice for many able students, according to the latest UCAS figures.

UCAS have reported that the number of applications received for a place in the autumn at Cardiff University by 15 January had reached 32,117. This is a rise of 4, 325 or 15.6% on the previous year.

These statistics are well above the national increase of 9% and the highest percentage increase of any university in the Russell Group of the UK’s major research-led universities.

Cardiff University Professor, Nigel Palastanga, said: "Cardiff as a city and a university has an increasingly high profile among school leavers and key influencers such as parents and teachers." He added: "It is an attractive study destination and competition for places is strong."

Medicine and Dentistry are among the greatest improvements, with a rise of 92% in dentistry applications compared with a national rise of 25%, and medicine applications has increased by 30%.

The merger of the University of Wales College of Medicine and Cardiff University and subsequent extended national schools liaison programme is thought to have contributed to this rise.

Cardiff University’s home applications (UK and the rest of the European Union) total 29, 870, which represents a 17% increase.

Overseas applications are 2, 247, an increase of 1%, against a national fall of 5%.

Cardiff University has benefited from changing its name. It no longer brands itself as part of the University of Wales.

Yet, finances may also be an important factor. With tuition fees due to be put in place in England from 2006, it could be an added incentive to choose courses at Welsh institutions.

News

February 28 2005

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DOCTORS CALL FOR SMOKING BAN IN WELSH HOSPITAL GROUNDS

By Perri Lewis Reporter MEDICAL EXPERTS have called for a ban on smoking in hospital grounds throughout Wales.

Any such ban would have a direct effect on Cardiff healthcare students studying at the University of Wales Hospital, located at the university’s Heath campus.

Cardiff University epidemiologist Dr Norman Vetter said: "It seems to me that the NHS needs to take its responsibilities for public health more seriously and ban all smoking in hospitals, including the grounds."

The growing concern came as the British Medical Association in Wales received petitions supporting the idea.

Welsh Assembly Members have tabled a motion to ban smoking in public places but lack the power to enforce any change in legislation.

BMA Secretary in Wales, Dr Richard Lewis, said: "It is dispiriting to see nurses and porters smoking just outside the entrances to our hospitals.

"Hospitals are places where people go to be cured of illnesses - not to increase their chances of getting another one."

The proposed ban has received support from some medical students at the university. Occupational thera-

pist Jennifer Roberts added: "It would definitely be a positive change. It is disgusting to pass so many smokers on the way into a university hospital.”

Liz Harden, a third year nursing student, agrees with the proposed change: "To see so many nurses smoking during their breaks promotes the wrong image.

"If students are following a healthcare degree then they should be seen to act accordingly within hospital grounds."

However, Simon Clark, director of pro-smoking organisation ‘Forest’, said: "We support further restrictions but we vehemently oppose what has become a systematic attempt to demonise smokers and their perfectly legal habit."

Dr Vetter supports the creation of a smoke-free environment at the hospital, stating that a ban could also help to attract more students to Cardiff: "We know that parents of prospective medical students are often astounded by seeing the amount of smoking that goes on at every entrance.

"Many must be put off coming to Cardiff by the squalor that smokers seem to generate.

"Norfolk & Norwich University Hospital is proposing such a ban: Liverpool has done so – why not here?"

UNIVERSITY Of WALES HOSPITAL: A future smoke-free environment?

Disaffiliation debate confirmed Student debt can

only get worse

By John Tuscany Reporter THE DATE for the debate on disaffiliation from the NUS has been set with key players from both sides confirmed to take part.

The debate will take place in the Great Hall at 7.30pm on Thursday March 10.

Sabbatical officers from Cardiff University Students’ Union and NUS Wales President James Knight will be taking questions from students on the issue.

Cardiff Students’ Union President Gary Rees welcomed the debate and called it "the biggest debate the union has had in years."

He said: "If you’re undecided on whether the union should stay within NUS or not you’d be foolish to miss out on the opportunity to hear a fairly debated argument showing both sides.

"It’s the main chance to have all your questions answered so you, the students, can make the right decision."

The debate is the only chance students will have to hear both sides putting forward their case on the disaffiliation topic.

Voting will take place on March 14 and 15, at the same time as the sabbatical and non-sabbatical elections

By Cara Lee Reporter

DEBATING OUR FUTURE: Union President Gary Rees

NEW RESEARCH predicts that graduates will leave university with £43,825 worth of debts by 2023, almost five times more than the current average student debt of £9,210.

While the salary of graduates is set to increase to £52,910, this is just over double the current average graduate salary of £21,985.

This means that the proportion of debt to salary will soar from debts worth 42 per cent of a graduate’s starting salary today, to 83 per cent in 2023.

The research was conducted for the Liverpool Victorian Friendly Society, the largest of its kind in the UK, by Kae: Marketing Intelligence. Their Futurology Report, published on February 18, has predicted the cost of living and lifestyle changes.

The study suggests that costs will rise dramatically. For example a pint of beer will cost £7.56 in 2023, compared to today’s price of £2.65 on average. The price of other lifestyle items, such as cinema tickets and

McDonald’s meals will have at least doubled by 2023.

Liverpool Victoria predicts that young people will leave home much later than they do now. This is due to mounting student debts, as well as the huge increase in house prices with the average property for a first time buyer being set at £430,000 in 2023.

Furthermore, the research calculates that by 2023 nearly all people in their twenties will have a degree. If 70 per cent of 18 to 21 years old go to university the overall debt of graduates by this time will amount to nearly £90 billion.

It is no surprise, therefore, that the report identifies education as one of the three main concerns for today’s Child Trust Fund generation when they reach adulthood.

Nigel Snell, Head of External Affairs at Liverpool Victoria, has stated: "the substantial increases in certain costs that we are predicting will have a dramatic effect on the future choices of today’s babies. Making additional savings will be important to provide a meaningful nest egg when the child reaches adulthood, in order to finance these future essentials."

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THE GRIN THAT WON

With nominations for next year’s candidates now closed, Matt Wilkin asks Tom Gough, Campaigns and PR Officer, about his accomplishments so far, what he still hopes to achieve and his aspirations for the future.

TOM GOUGH’S office is a complete mess. There are papers and magazines littered all over the floor and he is forced to have a quick whip around just so guests can take a seat. He makes no excuses for it. "This is me," he says, before offering out his private collection of lollypops – something which has become his staple-mark during his time as a key member of the Union’s sabbatical team.

The former Language and Communication student has certainly left his mark on Union life since taking up the Campaigns and PR role last September.

He readily admits that it has been very different representing students as opposed to actually being one.

"It’s quite strange because although there definitely have been differences, I’ve also encountered similarities," he says. "You’re interacting with similar people and the environment is unchanged, but you get to see things from the other side. But I still live in Cathays, and enjoy a night out in the Union.

“In working with students and with full-time staff, I see my role as bridging the gap between the two sides." He adds, "You certainly couldn’t do this job if you hadn’t had student experiences."

Gough has been a central figure in the last year, responsible for the ‘Save Our Union License’ (SOUL) campaign, and more recently, in encouraging students to protest against the introduction of variable top-up fees when the annual NUS demonstration came to Cardiff last December.

Reflecting back to when he first considered taking up the position, he recalls his initial aims.

"As an overall thing, I wanted to make sure that the issues, which fell under the sector of campaigns and PR were addressed in a ‘majority’ way and were accessible to the student body as a whole.

"You could suggest that I was trying to popularise the issues, and I would agree, but in doing so, I wanted to make sure that things like student union politics were much more an

CTFILE UGH FA TOM GO OM: ALLY FR ORIGIN ham Birming IED: E STUD S R U O C ge and Langua nication u Comm TURE: FOR FU s in S N A L P elation Public R(hopefully) l Bristo

LOOKING TO THE FUTURE: Campaigns and PR officer Tom Gough everyday talking point for students" Tom feels that one of the best things about stepping into the role was that her didn’t in have a lot of experience in the field.

He said: "I believe it was one of the things that made me the better candidate because I was able to treat things in layman terms and address them as I saw fit, and not necessarily in the same way as someone who had an all round knowledge of the situations might have done.

"By no means did I ever claim to know everything there was to know about running a campaign, but I think I had the enthusiasm required to take on such a role."

His enthusiasm paid off, when he spearheaded the SOUL campaign with an ethos which he has carried though to his subsequent work.

"I could see how effective ‘branding’ events was, as these were turning into big successes. With the ‘Duck Off Fees’ campaign, we were so disappointed with the quality of the NUS material, and knowing what would motivate our students, we took it upon ourselves to head up the demonstration. As a result, the march came to Cardiff and the turnout was better than what was expected. That was a very important achievement."

But in spite of the effort that went into the ‘Duck Off’ proceedings, the

3,000 turnout was still somewhat disappointing, especially as this was out of a 20,000-student total. Gough reluctantly agrees. "Just because somebody believes something is right or wrong does not mean to say that they will go out and say that publicly.

"People had varying degrees of commitment to the cause: just because someone dislikes a certain brand of baked beans, does not necessarily make them complain to the manufacturer. One could say the same thing about the introduction of top-up fees: some of those we spoke to really needed to be in their lectures, others had to work, and whilst we tried to liase with the university as much as possible,

people genuinely felt that their priorities lay elsewhere."

The Union is currently in discussions with a number of bodies regarding a possible move of disaffiliation from the NUS, Cardiff’s partner in organising the top-up fee demo. Tom believes that it was Cardiff students, and not the NUS, that were the real driving force behind the march.

"Because we have such great student media and connections with Cardiff students, we were able to communicate our ideas regarding the ‘Duck Off’ campaign very effectively.

“We also had sufficient funding to generate it. In the end, there was very little that we used NUS for: we produced our own letters and we independently lobbied outside the National Assembly, so ultimately, it was us that really made the demo happen."

What of his view regarding disaffiliation? Could the Union cope without input from the NUS in the long term?

"Absolutely," he said.

For Gough, his time is almost up, but what else does he have up his sleeve, and where does he hope to go when his Cardiff experience is finally over?

There is the ‘Keep Cardiff Tidy’ initiative, for which Tom hopes to promote student awareness of rubbish collection, particularly at the end of the academic year, when Cathays turns into "a bombsite".

He is also working with other university unions to keep Wednesday afternoons free of academic activity and as a time for extra-curricular pursuits, popularising the campaign with the introduction of a fashionable green arm band – much like the blue and yellow ones many students are wearing to show their support of other causes – which are available to purchase now.

The proceeds will be donated to the victims of the Tsunami disaster.

Tom is keen to pursue the line of work that he has become accustomed at Cardiff. "I’m currently looking into a number of Bristol-based public relations roles, but I’m not limiting my options just yet. I’m fortunate that my role this year has equipped me with various skills that I can go on and apply to anything in the future."

Fair trade fortnight runs into Cardiff

By Jenna Willcox Reporter A SPECIAL FORTNIGHT celebrating and campaaigning for Fair Trade products starts on March 1.

Events such as fun runs, club nights and food stalls will take place at the Union and in Cardiff City Centre Fair Trade products are being promoted in the Union after a motion was

passed at the recent AGM. Fair Trade is a form of international commerce that ensures farmers in third world countries receive a fair wage for their products, and also acts as way of countering the increasing liberalisation of global markets.

Any product bearing the Fair Trade Foundation logo is guaranteed to comply with these guidelines.

Members of People and Planet will

be manning Fair Trade-only food stalls at Global Village in the Great Hall on 27 February, and at Uncle Midriff’s jazz party in Seren Las on 13 March.

This coincides with the first Fair Trade fun run which takes place in Bute Park, also on 13 March.

Starting at 11am the five kilometre run will finish in the grounds of Cardiff Castle.

Funds raised will support fair trade

farmers, including those affected by the Asian tsunami disaster.

More information on the events organised by the People and Planet Society can be obtained by emailing peopleandplanet@cardiff.ac.uk.

Those interested in participating in the Fair Trade Cardiff fun run should visit the website located at www.fairtrade5k.co.uk or email snap@crockertons.co.uk.

World News

February 28 2005

Page 7

news@gairrhydd.com

CAN KYOTO CHANGE THE WORLD?

By Georgie Mavrakis Reporter

C

LIMATE CHANGE threatens a great reversal of human progress. There is no previous time in recorded history when the world’s temperature has risen so much and so quickly.

The Kyoto Protocol came into force on February 16, marking one of the first ever legally binding treaties aimed at directly fighting climate change.

This beacon of international diplomacy is heralded by many as a breakthrough in co-ordinated global efforts to combat dangerous climate change, despite the fact that the US, the world’s greatest polluter, refuses to take part.

Kyoto originates from co-ordinated UN and international negotiations addressing the problem of climate change. It is the first treaty to set targets for the world’s biggest industrialised polluters.

On the basis of past industrialisation and present economy, each country is given legally binding targets to reduce man-made greenhouse gas emissions.

Many have criticised the agreement as a mere gesture towards the gargantuan issue. The treaty simultaneously ignores the industrialisation required by many developing nations while omitting fast developing countries such as India and Brazil from the protocol.

The effects that the Kyoto Protocol will have on the world, and the question of whether such measures will actually help contain global warming (if it can even be contained), are largely unanswered. Despite the importance of this development in international law, public understanding remains limited of how the Kyoto Protocol will influence British environmental policy.

What does the Kyoto Protocol aim to reduce?

Man-made greenhouse gas emissions which increase the thickness of the earth’s thermal blanket. The Kyoto Protocol aims to reduce six gases, including carbon dioxide from burning fossil fuels, nitrous oxide from vehicles, various emissions from industrial processes and methane from agriculture and landfill sites What is the significance of the US? The U.S. were vital in the smooth running of the treaty. When the Senate

British public to comply with a fuel escalator to reduce emissions from vehicles.

passed a vote refusing to ratify the Protocol, Kyoto seemed doomed to failure. The rules of Kyoto state that industrialised countries responsible for 55% of emissions should all have government ratification of the treaty before it could be passed as international law.

Since the US is responsible for over 35% of greenhouse gas emissions, it meant more pressure needed to be put on other countries to ratify the agreement before it could come into force.

The Bush administration upheld their decision to drop out of the Kyoto agreement, claiming that China and other fast developing countries would be spared the protocol giving them an unfair trade advantage over America.

How did Russia save the day?

Without the ratification of the Russian Parliament, the treaty could not reach the required threshold of fuel emissions. This target was only met after Russia joined last November, making the treaty legally binding.

The refusal of Australia to ratify the treaty is justified by the Australian environment minister Ian Campbell who claims the country is already on track to cut emissions by 30%.

What are the Kyoto targets?

Targets for reduction vary by region, and are based upon each country’s fuel emissions since 1990, taking into consideration underdeveloped countries and those affected by the fall of the Soviet Union.

The UK is committed to cutting its emissions to 12.5% below 1990 levels by 2012, while the EU is committed to an eight-per-cent reduction. The agreement also allows some countries with low fuel emissions to increase them.

What happens if the targets are not met?

Kyoto protocol is a legally binding agreement. Each country has to report to the United Nations Climate Change Convention each year and state what its emissions are and how efforts to reduce them are progressing.

Governments that do not meet their targets are required to account for their failure and suffer the ignominy of being told how to get back on target.

Penalties can also be enforced, disallowing emissions trading and ensuring the failed percentage is achieved at a later date.

How do countries achieve their targets?

First and foremost, countries are

WIND FARMS: an alternative option towards cleaner energy

BRITISH POWER: The UK aims to reduce emissions by 10% in 5 yrs required to work towards improving the environment at home through researching renewable energy and increasing the availability of energy saving products and recycling.

Emission trading allows countries to buy and sell their agreed quota of greenhouse gas emissions in order to reach their targets. Under this agreement, countries which create the greatest volume of emissions are allowed to buy unused credits from those who do not emit as much as they are allowed to.

Countries can also gain carbon credits for implementing energy saving measures in other developing or developed countries.

How does Kyoto affect us?

The government has been working

towards a target of reducing emissions ten-per-cent by 2010. The effect of this can be seen by the huge push towards implementing recycling policies throughout the UK. Renewable energy is being invested in to a greater extent than at any time before, while electricity companies are being goaded towards buying more expensive ‘green power’, giving consumers the choice of green electricity.

Kyoto approved products are also available, from energy saving light bulbs to gas-condensing boilers.

The car industry has been a victim of the wrath of Kyoto protocol, with manufacturers being forced to make engines more fuel-efficient. The government’s attempts to combat climate change have somewhat been thwarted by a general reluctance from the

Is Kyoto a viable solution?

The targets for reduction are, as many scientists claim, far smaller than needed for a sustainable future.

However, Kyoto is a crucial first step into the unchartered territory of climate change.

Already the EU, the world’s second biggest trading power, has made serious changes in order to meet Kyoto targets. It is predicted that by 2012 the 15 established members will have cut emissions by eight-per-cent.

The Labour government has advocated the Kyoto Protocol as a means of reducing global warming, with Blair attending talks with the Bush administration in an attempt to alter their position on climate change.

With or without US backing, some see Kyoto as an insufficient step towards the drastic action that should be taken. Peter Calow, director of the Environment Assessment Institute claimed that: "Kyoto should be judged for what it is- a political signal more than an effective policy." Calow went on to say: "even if we froze CO2 concentrations at current levels there would still be climate change due to inertia."

The UK government is required to play a vital role on the national and international stage in delivering a proactive approach to climate change.

Whether or not the protocol will have any dramatic effect on emissions levels is secondary to its position as a catalyst for change. Kyoto has weathered the storms of international debate and today remains the bedrock of any credible strategy going forward.

World News

Page 8

February 28 2005

news@gairrhydd.com

DEATH OF A PLAYWRIGHT

By Paul Dicken News Editor PLAYWRIGHT ARTHUR Miller died aged 89 at his home in Connecticut from heart failure on Thursday 10 February.

Miller, well-known for his play Death of a Salesman, was described as "the last great titan of the American stage" by Nicholas Hytner, director of the National Theatre.

He is considered a powerful and important playwright who defined American theatre in the 20th Century, along with other big names including Tennessee Williams.

Director Mike Leigh said: "He is the granddaddy of us all, really. We modestly try and put social issues on screen and stage through character.

He’s our model for all that."

Death of a Salesman (1949) is considered a passionate deconstruction of the American Dream. Meanwhile, the widely produced The Crucible, set during the 17th Century Salem witchtrials, reflected the Senator McCarthy communist sympathiser trials held in America during the 1950s. The success of Death of a Salesman made the New York-born Miller somewhat less popular in America. Despite this, he

MILLER: in his heyday

remained patriotic and was described

by Zoe Calwell, an actress in his most recent play The Creation of the World and Other Business, as ‘a deeply American man’.

Married to Marilyn Monroe in 1956 for five years, he refused to comment upon their relationship describing his 1987 autobiography, Timebends, as saying all he had to say about his former wife.

A year after the couple divorced, Miller married for the third time to photographer Inge Morath. Marilyn Monroe died the same year of a drug overdose.

An American intelligence

By Will Carson Reporter US PRESIDENT George W. Bush has named John Negroponte as the first Director of National Intelligence.

Currently the ambassador to Iraq, Negroponte has been involved in US politics for nearly four decades.

The role he will undertake was created by President Bush in December 2004 as part of the most comprehensive overhaul of US spying operations in 50 years, and comes as a result of intelligence failings before the September 11 attacks and the Iraq war.

Negroponte will be expected to

oversee all 15 US intelligence agencies, including the FBI and the CIA, as well as resolving inter-agency fighting which contributed to the confusion surrounding September 11.

To his admirers, Negroponte is a powerful, experienced political figure who has worked well with successive US administrations for many years.

To his critics he is tainted by his time as ambassador to Honduras in the early 1980s, a country which was used as a base for the illegal US-led war on the leftist Sandinista government of Nicaragua.

Negroponte blocked reports to Washington of the Honduran government’s human rights abuses.

These included torture and extrajudicial killings, which, had they been reported to Congress, could have led to the suspension of the military aid to the country, thus ending Honduras’s part in the illegitimate war on the Sandinistas.

Reed Brody of Human Rights Watch has accused Negroponte of ‘looking the other way when serious atrocities were committed’.

In reply to the Honduras accusations, Negroponte told the Washington Post last year that the allegations were ‘old hat’.

For Melvin Goodman, a former CIA official, the allegations cannot be so easily shrugged off: "I think of the Negroponte of the 1980s covering up human rights abuses, and then I

think of the role of intelligence in telling the truth to power, and it doesn’t fit."

As ambassador to Iraq, Negroponte has been accused of putting political loyalty before accurate reporting. It is alleged that he disagreed fiercely with pessimistic CIA reports from Iraq on the strength of the insurgency, and instead sent more optimistic views back to Washington.

For George Bush, however, Negroponte is the right man for the job.

Bush praised Negroponte’s credentials for the job, stating: "John understands America’s global intelligence needs because he has spent the better part of his life in the nation’s foreign service."

Neo-Nazi supporters disturb Disaster province commemoration

By Beth Whiteside Reporter AN OFFICIAL commemoration of the 60th anniversary of the Allied bombing of Dresden was upstaged by a mass neo-Nazi demonstration.

Waving black banners and flags, the 5,000 protestors marched to the music of Wagner and Bach.

Among the obligatory skinheads, marchers also included pensioners from former East Prussia who were driven out of Germany; many carried black balloons bearing the words: "Allied bombing terror – never forgive, never forget."

Amid the thousands of local residents who gathered in the old square to hold a candlelight vigil, large numbers of riot police were called upon as several hundred anti-fascists showed their anger and disgust, shouting: "Nazis out!"

Chancellor Gerhard Schroder’s government have been embarrassed and Germany’s international image tarnished, while there are fears that the neo-Nazi demonstration mirrors a rise in their popularity within Germany.

In last September’s regional elections, the neo-Nazi National Party of

Germany (NPD) won over nine-percent of the vote in Saxony. Support is also growing in the former East German state where unemployment averages 20%.

Schroder suggested that the party could be banned. One neo-Nazi present at the rally, Anni Lutxner, responded to the notion by stating: "There’s no point in banning us – we’ll simply find a new name." She added that the present government ‘favours foreigners and the Jews’ resulting in the necessity of such an extremist party.

Schroder condemned the neo –

Nazi action of ignoring Nazi atrocities as a means of portraying Germany as a war victim.

Sir Peter Torry, the British ambassador, who was also present at the event, has played down the political threat posed by the organisation: "The neo-Nazi’s got into Saxony’s parliament, but on a low turnout."

The neo-Nazi party league continues to attempt to strengthen its role within German politics as they contest further elections in SchleswigHolstein; their ultimate aim being to enter federal parliament next year.

VOICE OF CONCERN: anti-facist protestors in Dresden

By Jemma Gander Reporter AT LEAST 135 people have been killed and 1,500 are still missing after a dam burst in the Baluchistan province of Pakistan last week.

Shakidor dam, situated 400m from the provincial capital Quetta, burst due to severe weather conditions in the region.

In the North-West Frontier Province of the country, blizzards and torrential rainfall claimed the lives of more than 360 people. In the Kashmir valley 56 people were killed by landslides.

Thousands of soldiers have been brought into the worst hit areas.

President Pervez Musharraf flew to Baluchistan to announce financial compensation to the victims.

More than 18,000 homes have been destroyed by the dam breach, while many areas were inaccesible except by helicopter.

The Shakidor dam was built in 2003 to help with irrigation in the province. However, recent torrential rain and snow downpours had caused water levels to rise drastically, breaching the dam.

World News Round-up

By Paul Dicken News Editor HUNTER S. THOMPSON, journalist and writer, committed suicide last Sunday, aged 67.

Police reported that the heavy-living writer had died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

IBRAHIM AL-JAAFARI, 58, a former exile and GP in London has won unanimous approval to become Iraq’s first elected prime minister from the majority Shia Alliance.

Though strongly religious, Jaafari is seen as being able to reach out to ethnic and religious minorities.

Political parties and their prominent members are currently vying for positions within the soon-to-bedecided cabinet. Once a largely ceremonial president and two vice-presidents are appointed by the assembly, a prime minister will be appointed who will then have one month to name a cabinet.

The Guardian printed an article by a member of the Assyrian National Assembly in Iraq stating that the Assyrian people in Northern Iraq had been prevented from taking part in the elections and are being persecuted by Kurdish militia.

An indigenous group in Northern Iraq who speak the ancient Aramaic language, the Assyrians, now a minority group are being denied a voice in Iraq, claims the article.

JAAFARI: the favoured leader POPE JOHN PAUL II’S new book, Memory and Identity, has generated controversy after the Catholic leader described the endorsing of gay marriage as part of an ‘ideology of evil’, and is reported to compare the Holocaust with abortion.

RAFIKI AL-HARIRI’S death created shockwaves throught the middle-east. The former Lebanon prime minister was a driving force in reconstructing the city of Beirut that was decimated during the 19751990 civil war.

A famous figure in Lebanon, Hariri was killed in an explosion in central Beirut. After inviting Syrian forces into Lebanon during the civil war for security the Lebanon government have never been able to shake off the presence and influence of Syria.

Hariri was a billionaire and property tycoon, and was opposed to the pro-Syrian president of Lebanon.

Accused of being behind a UN Security Council resolution last September demanding Syria withdraw from Lebanon, the blame for Hariri’s death was placed upon the Lebanese and Syrian governments, while a group named Support and Jihad in Syria and Lebanon claimed responsibility.

Carrie

February 28 2005

Page 9

columnist@gairrhydd.com

Carrie

FARWELL

GIVES AS GOOD AS SHE GETS

Is Labour’s love really lost?

W

ith just over two months until we can expect to see the next general election, British voters have been left with a rather large quandary to deal with.

The so-called love affair between Tony Blair and the British public has apparently lost its passion and the optimism that once glossed the offices of New Labour has somewhat faded over time.

The problem for the voting public arises if and when we choose to turn away from Labour and look beyond the party for a new political suitor. It won’t take long for the electorate to realise that there is actually no one else worthy of their trust and vote…at least not under the current climate of political cynicism.

Despite the adversarial system of politics that operates in Westminster, opposition to the government is practically nonexistent.

The absentee challengers to New Labour are failing to capture the hearts of the country’s voters and they lack the fundamental ability to offer an attractive future beyond Labour.

Campaign complacency?

After nearly eight years in power Tony Blair is well on his way to securing a third large majority win for his party. His recent whistle-stop tour around five of the country’s marginal constituencies saw the PM reveal his party’s six election pledges.

Although somewhat blurry and vague in their message, the proposals are inevitably going to appeal to the proverbial voter.

Who doesn’t want "Your family better off", "Your child achieving more"

and "Your community safer"? Blair has taken quite fondly to wooing voters with his hazy promises, realising that universal pledges often catch the universal vote.

Put down the regressive nationalism and step away from the inherited wealth The reality is that Labour does not need to make overblown gestures in its attempts to entice voters. They will most likely win the next election regardless of either Blair or Howard’s performance between now and May 5.

Even those who are disheartened by Labour’s decisions about the war in Iraq will probably still vote for a Blair win. The alternatives aren’t that appealing.

Of course Labour cannot be complacent about winning a third term and Tony’s tour of the marginals earlier this month will need to be mirrored by his colleagues in order to assure a large majority win.

There is something about sending MPs out on to the streets to meet the ‘ordinary’ and ‘real’ people that works wonders for election campaigns.

Seeing politicians strolling on the seafront armed with a bag of fish and chips as they chat with locals, or at the old people’s home kissing grannies through a fixed smile for the press or wandering aimlessly around the shop-

ping centre tends to restore a sense of community that is so often overlooked.

And of course nobody can forget the egg-throwing incident with John Prescott in North Wales last time around. Few took offence at his retaliation swipe as it confirmed Prescott’s normality and brought the 2001 election campaign to life.

It is this verve that the Tory party is in dire need of if it wants any chance of maintaining or gaining territory in the upcoming elections.

NO HOPE: Leader of the opposition MIchael Howard No opposition The Tories have been hopelessly abandoning their routes on issues such as tuition fees and relishing in the publicity that their controversial plans on immigration and asylum have sparked.

This is where Labour stands out from its flagging opposition: Blair

doesn’t need to rely on divisive announcements to get some media exposure like Howard does.

The Tories are frantically trying to create some waves and make a few headlines where they can. Michael Howard is currently in a state of desperation as he realises that with ten weeks left his party is still making no headway and it may as well quit before the humiliation gets too much.

Maybe the Tories should disappear for a while and set about shedding their obsolete and public schoolboy image once and for all.

Liberating themselves from the sleaze and white tie Tory Boy image that has become so ensnared into the party’s persona could do wonders for the Conservatives.

Ever-faithful to the world of Brideshead Revisited and still mourning the loss of an Edwardian "Englishness" that is long bygone, the party is crying out for a makeover.

Reinventing themselves with an injection of youth and charisma that is so far limited to the likes of Boris Johnson is mandatory if the party want to reclaim their title as the opposition.

Johnson may have the charm but he lacks the crucial credibility and conviction that so many other non-Tory politicians can promise.

He is better off chairing Have I Got News For You than leading the country, but then equally so is Michael Howard (although I do doubt his abilities to challenge even Ian Hislop and Paul Merton, let alone contend with world leaders…tyrannical or otherwise).

Put down the regressive nationalism and step away from the inherited wealth…the time has come for a Tory change. Come back in a few years time

armed with some credibility and a message worth hearing. Just maybe then we will start to listen…maybe.

Third term lucky So this hasty process of elimination leaves mainstream voters with a choice between Tony Blair and Charles Kennedy.

And despite Kennedy’s claims that Britain is facing its first three-party poll this year, a threat to Labour will surely not come in the fearsome form of the Liberal Democrats…at least not this time around.

No doubt the party will gain in marginal constituencies and Tory losses may well be Lib Dem gains, but as far as Downing Street goes, the Blair’s needn’t worry about sending for the removal men just yet.

FORGOTTEN OPPOSITION: Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy

Agree? Disagree? Email me at columnist@gairrhydd.com

Taf-Od

Tud 10

28 Chwefror 2005

tafod@gairrhydd.com

Gwlad y Gân Gan Elgan Iorwerth Golygydd Taf-Od MAE GAN Gymru’r traddodiad o fod yn wlad y gân. Gwelir hyn yn glir ar draws y wlad o’r gymanfa ganu i’r meysydd rygbi. Efallai’n fwy bwysig i ni mae gan Gymru gyfoeth o gerddoriaeth gyfoes yma’n Nghaerdydd a dros yr holl wlad.

Er i sîn gerddoriaeth gyfoes Gymru fod o gwmpas erioed megis bandiau fel y Trwynau Coch nol yn y 1970au hwyr, y cyfnod Britpop ddaeth a’r sîn Gymraeg i olwg y byd gyda llwyddiant Catatonia, Stereophonics a Manic Street Preachers.

Mi wnaeth John Peel ar ei rhaglen gwneud llawer i ddod a’r sin Gymraeg i gwrandawyr ledled Prydain. Un o’i freuddwydion oedd i ddysgu Cymraeg dywedodd ar un sioe "You'd have to be a bit of a ninny to ignore Datblygu, this is the band that makes me want to learn the Welsh language".

Fe aeth â Melys draw gyda ef i _yl Eurosonic Noordeslag yn yr Iseldiroedd nol ym 2001 ac yn yr un flwyddyn fe ddaeth Chinese Whispers yn rhif un yn yr enwog Festive Fifty.Yn y Festive Fifty ddiwethaf gwelir cân yn Gymraeg, Chwaraeon gan Texas Radio Band yn cyrraedd rhif 12.

Erbyn hyn wrth gwrs mae’r sesiwn yng Nghymru pob nos Iau a’r Radio 1 yn dod a cerddoriaeth cyfoes Cymraeg i’r blaen.

Ers dechrau oes aur cerddoriaeth Cymru nol yn y 1990au mae rhai o’r fandiau â ddangosodd y ffordd i cymaint o fandiau erbyn hyn wedi ei golli i ni. Ym 2001 fe gwahanodd Catatonia ond efallai yn fwy trist nol yn Ionawr am rhesymau personol fe gwahanodd Mclusky.

Mi wnaeth y triawd a leolwyd yng Nghaerdydd greu cerddoriaeth llawn hiwmor ond eto yn hynod o glyfar heb sôn teitlau bendigedig megis Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues a Whiteliberalonwhiteliberaction. Yn fy marn i nid yn unig band gorau

Kid Carpet: Ffantastig

Caerdydd ond band gorau’r byd.

Collwyd Big Leaves, un o fandiau gorau’r iaith Gymraeg, i ni ym mis Mawrth 2003, gwagle sydd angen ei lenwi.

Gwelwyd dyfnder a phoblogrwydd cerddoriaeth Cymru yn cyngerdd y Tswnami yn Stadiwm y Mileniwm gyda mawrion fel Feeder, GLC, y Manics, Kelly Jones, Catherine

“Mi wnaeth John Peel ar ei rhaglen gwneud llawer i ddod a’r sin Gymraeg i gwrandawyr ledled Prydain” Jenkins, Aled Jones, Charlotte Church a Camera. Roedd hwn yn achlysur i atgoffa nid yn unig Eurostat on y byd am Gymru.

Yn wir gellir dweud bod gan Gymru sîn gerddoriaeth gyfoes gyfoethog tu hwnt gyda artistiaid Cymraeg ei hiaith a Saesneg yn creu cerddoriaeth o safon.

Mi fyddai hi’n cymryd holl dudalennau gair rhydd i rhestru a chymeradwyo holl fandiau Cymru, felly dyma rhestr o rhai o goreuon sydd yn chwarae yma yng Nghaerdydd.

Heb Llwybr Llaethog, ni fyddau yna sîn hip hop iaith Gymraeg o gwbl.

Ffurfiwyd gan John Griffiths a Kevs Ford nol yn 1984 ac erbyn hyn wedi cael clod o sawl ochr am ei cerddoriaeth gwreiddiol ac efallai’n bwysicach, Cymraeg.

Un o’r artistiad dwi’n mwyaf hoff o yw Kid Carpet, athrylith sydd yn creu cerddoriaeth o hen deganau ail-law.

Galwch e’n ‘toytronica’; ‘shit-hop’ neu’n ‘electwrongica’ mae’n dal yn ffantastig, drawiadol ac yn rywbeth sy’n hawdd i ddawnsio i.

Wedyn mae yna Sweet Baboo, a ddarganfuwyd mewn clawdd gan JT Mouse. Wedi iddynt wahanu dechreuodd berfformio yn unigol mewn naws bob debyg i Hefner. Erbyn hyn mae Sweet Baboo wedi tyfu i fod yn fand pum aelod. Swynol, prydferth a pherffaith.

Efallai y ffefryn personol nawr bod Mclusky wedi mynd yw Red Pony.

Llais, piano, gitâr a drumiau, syml ond yn effeithiol. ‘Art-pop’ llawn angerdd ond eto yn teimlo’n llawn pwrpas.

Wrth gwrs mae llawer mwy megis Kentucky AFC, Texas Radio Band, MC Sleifar, Pep le Pew i enwi ychydig.

Mae yna sawl chlwb o safon uchel yma yng Nghaerdydd sydd yn denu bandiau o safon uchel i chwarae pob wythnos.

Mae’r CIA yn ddiweddar wedi denu llu o fandiau rhagorol yma dros y blynyddoedd diwethaf. O’r Foo Fighters i Radiohead a Muse, o Linkin Park a’r Darkness i Will Young a Blazin’ Squad. Casgliad gwych o fandiau enwog a mawr.

Ers ei hadeiladu mae Stadiwm y

Mileniwm wedi gweld ei siâr o gigs mawr. Y Manics a’r drothwy’r mileniwm, y Stereophonics ac yn y dyfodol agos U2 a REM. Mae’r Toucan yn cynnal noson Abri yn fisol, noson o gerddoriaeth dwyieithog yn arddangos bandiau newydd talentog a’r hen ferfynnau.

Efallai i’r Cymry y lle sydd fwyaf hysbys yw Clwb Ifor Bach, neu yn syml Clwb, yn rheolaidd yn cyflwyno bandiau a Dj’s Cymraeg. Gyda chymysgedd o wahanol gerddoriaeth a tri llaw does bron ddim angen mynd i unrhyw le arall.

Yn fy marn i efallai y lle i fynd am gigs yng Nghaerdydd yw’r Barfly.

Gyda bandiau lleol yn chwarae’n aml ac bandiau newydd diddorol sy’n dod gyda addewidion gan yr NME taw’r rhai yw’r peth mawr nesaf.

Efallai’r hyn sy’n siomedig yw fod prinder o fandiau Cymraeg yn gael ei wahodd i chwarae yn ein Hundeb ni. Efallai mae’n amser i ni fel Cymry rhoi

“Galwch e’n ‘toytronica’; ‘shit-hop’ neu’n ‘electwrongica’ mae’n dal yn ffantastig.” pwysau ar yr Undeb i rhoi fandiau Cymraeg ymlaen.

Mae’r rhyngrwyd erbyn hyn yn ffynhonnell da o wybodaeth am y sîn gerddoriaeth gyda cardiffunderground.com a unarddeg.com yn rhoi gwybodaeth am gigs a bandiau. Mae unarddeg.com yn arbennig o dda gyda caneuon ar mp3 i’w lawrlwytho.

Mae’r holl sîn gerddorol sydd gyda ni yn ddigon i dod a dwr ir dannedd.

Gyda’r Welsh Music Awards ar drothwy’r drws mae hi wir yn adeg cyffroes yma yng Nghaerdydd.

Darllenwch wythnos nesaf i glwyd hanes Taf-Od wrth i ni ddod a holl helynt y digwyddiad. Tan y tro nesaf, dymunwn Dydd Gwyl Dewi dda i chi gyd.

Texas Radio Band; Mclusky; Manic Street Preachers; CAtatonia; Red Pony

Taf-Od

28 Chwefror 2005

Tud 11

tafod@gairrhydd.com

Cerddoriaeth Cydd?

Gan Elgan Iorwerth Golygydd Taf-Od YN YR wythnos ddiwethaf mae TafOd wedi dod yn ymwybodol bod rhai o’r myfyrwyr yma yn Nghaerdydd ac ar draws Cymru yn anhapus gyda’r ffordd mae cerddoriaeth Cymraeg yn cael ei bortreadu gan S4C a’r BBC .

Mae’r llythyr, a ddyddiedig 8fed Chwefror, yn cynnwys 100 o lofnodion ac yn cael ei gyfrir fel cwyn swyddogol ac yn rhestru nifer o resymau penodol am eu cwyn.

Maent yn honni fod "y ddarpariaeth bresennol o safon wael, ac yn tanseilio ymdrechion nifer o Gymry i gynnal diwylliant iach ac ystyrlon."

Un o’r cwynion penodol yw fod llawer o’r sioeau ar C2, adran o BBC Radio Cymru, ddim "yn cynrychioli’r sîn Gymraeg presennol, na chyfoeth y sîn gorffennol." Hefyd, dywed y llythyr bod y "gerddoriaeth a chwaraeir yn dod o ystod gul canol-yffordd."

Dywedodd llefarydd y BBC bod yn "recordio cyfartaledd o un sesiwn bob

pythefnos drwy gydol y flwyddyn."

Gellir lawr lwytho’r sesiynau oddi ar wefan C2.

Mae "sesiynau Radio Cymru hefyd wedi cael eu clywed ar raglenni sy’n cael ei hanelu at gynulleidfaoedd ehangach" yn ogystal a raglenni C2.

Yn ogystal a rhaglenni mae BBC Cymru wedi bod yn gweithio ar lawer o fentrau yn y sîn fyw gan gynnwys sefydlu Gwobrau RAP, Mawredd Mawr a trefnu gigs a chyngherddau.

"Dan ni wedi sefydlu Brwydr y Bandiau (ar y cyd â Mentrau Iaith Cymru) ac mae Radio Cymru yn gweithio gyda nifer o gyrff eraill drwy gydol y flwyddyn er mwy hyrwyddo a datblygu’r sîn" ychwanegodd y Lefarydd.

Mae Radio Cymru yn bwriadu cyfarfod a hyrwyddwyr a labeli recordio i geisio trafod sut i "ddatblygu’r sîn ymhellach".

Mae’r llythyr hefyd yn gofyn i S4C gwneud fwy i gefnogi artistiaid a bandiau.

Canmolwyd sioe S4C Bandit ei am ei safon uchel ond ei farn am "ormod o drafod pynciau nad yw’n berthnasol i gerddoriaeth Gymraeg."

Hefyd barnwyd Bandit am ei fod ond am hanner awr ar S4C tra ei fod am awr ar S4C Digidol.

Siaradodd Taf-Od â Ceri Sherlock, Comisiynydd Cerdd S4C, yngl_n a’r llythyr. Croesawodd Mr Sherlock y llythyr gan ddweud bod cael ymadroddion am raglenni yn bwysig i S4C a dywedodd bydd ymateb swyddogol yn cael ei roi yn yr wythnosau nesaf.

Melus

Aeth ymlaen i ddweud bod S4C yn ymgeisio i gael trawsdoriad o bob fath

o gerddoriaeth ac yn darlledu llawer o raglenni o wylau megis Sesiwn Fawr Dolgellau a Tân y Ddraig.

Hefyd, yn ôl ystadegau mae’r gr_p targed i Bandit yn cael ei ddynodi fel "early adopters" h.y. cenhedlaeth yr Ipod, sy’n croesawi technoleg newydd fel teledu digidol. Erbyn 2008 mae Ofcom yn bwriadu cael gwared o deledu analog yn gyfan gwbl ac yn ôl Mr Sherlock mae Cymru yn arwain y ffordd o ran defnyddwyr o deledu digidol.

"Dim ond un gwasanaeth sydd gan S4C" dywedodd gan ychwanegu taw dymuniad S4C yw "i ddarlledu rhaglenni Cymraeg 24 awr y dydd neu chymaint ag sy’n bosibl".

Gan taw un gwasanaeth sydd gan S4C anodd yw hi i gallu rhoi digon o

amser i bopeth a chyda 80 mil yn gwylio Dechrau Canu, Dechrau Canmol i gymharu a 12 mil yn gwylio Bandit mae’n dangos bod angen lle yn yr amserlen darlledu i’r ddau sioe.

"Does dim gwyddoniaeth pendant i ddarparu raglenni ac mae’n rhaid dros amser gwella’r hyn sydd yn cael ei gynnig" ychwanegodd .

Gydag amser mae’n si_r bydd rhaglenni’r BBC Cymru a S4C yn dod yn fwy gyfoethog wrth i fwy o bobl rhoi barn a chlod am y rhaglenni a gynigwyd i ni.

Dymunwn Dydd Gwyl Dewi Dda i Chi gyd

Gruf yn Diddanu Gan Rhys Tudur Owen Gohebydd Taf-Od

‘ROEDD YNA GYFFRO yn yr awyr ymysg y criw anarferol a oedd wedi casglu yng nghyntedd y Sherman ar Nos Sul y trydydd ar ddeg o Chwefror. Pawb wedi troi allan i gael clywed Gruff Rhys yn hyrwyddo ei albym unigol newydd, Yr Atal Genhedlaeth.

Agorwyd y noson gan Broken Leaf (o Teflon Monkey gynt), unigolyn gyda set tawel, braidd yn ddigyffro a llais gwan nad oedd yn gwneud cyf iawnder a’i chwarae medrus ar y gitâr acwstig.

Ail i chwarae oedd Alun Tan Lan, ac erbyn hyn roedd y theatr yn dechrau llenwi. Yn chwarae caneuon oddi ar ei albwm ‘aderyn papur’ gyda melodïau swynol a chymleth i gyd-fynd gyda’i lais didrafferth, roedd ei berfformiad yn hyderus ac yn plesio’r gynulleidfa.

Nesaf cawsom ein diddanu gan griw ‘Kerdd Dant’, band newydd MC Saizmundo. Yn bersonol tydw i ddim yn ffan mawr o’r hen Saiz, mae gen i atgofion o’i weld yn ‘sound checkio’ yn ‘steddfod Meifod, a meddwl "Mae o’n union fel ffarmwr irate yn trio rapio!"

Roedd o’n brasgamu ar draws y llwyfan gan regi pob dau air, efallai fod rhywun wedi’i dwyllo yn sêl Bryncir wythnos yn gynharach?!

Roedd Kerdd Dant fel parti llefaru ar ‘acid’, eu dawnsio gwyllt a perfformiad disynnwyr gyda rhyw naws eisteddfodol arallfydol. Doniol ar

adegau mewn ffordd ‘arty farty’ dros ben llestri.

Croesawyd Gruff Rhys i’r llwyfan gan floedd o gymeradwyaeth gan y dorf ddisgwyliedig. Ac roedd yn amlwg o’r cychwyn ei fod o’n gyffyrddus o flaen pawb, wrth iddo aildrefnu y llwyfan a chael hwyl hefo’r gynulleidfa. Anhygoel oedd ei wylio yn adeiladu y cefndir i’w gân gyntaf, ‘Gwn mi wn’, gyda defnydd clyfar o’r amryw deganau ar y llwyfan. Fy ffefryn oedd yr allweddell 50c o Garej Llys y Gwynt ger Bangor a ddefnyddiodd i wneud y solo i’r gân ‘Pwdin Wy 1’. Mewn un darn o’r sioe gofynnodd i’r gynulleidfa gyfrannu synau gwladaidd i osod naws ar gyfer cefndir y gân ‘ma.

Gwych!

Mae’r caneuon oddi ar ‘Yr atal genhedlaeth’ yn wledd acwstig llond o felodïau syml a geiriau hwylus, caneuon sydd heb gael eu boddi mewn gormodedd o waith cynhyrchu fel yr ydym yn ei weld mor aml dyddiau hyn. Er mai prif bwrpas y gig oedd arddangos y

caneuon oddi ar albwm newydd, cawsom y braint o glywed clasuron fel ‘Breichiau Hir’ gan Ffa Coff i Pawb, a ‘Cryndod yn dy lais’, sef B-side gwych un o senglau’r SFA. Roedd ei athrylith cerddorol yn dis-

ei

gleirio drwy gydol ei berfformiad, dim llawer o bobl sy’n gallu chwarae gitâr wedi’i stringio ar gyfer llaw dde y ffordd byddai rhywun yn chwarae gitâr llaw chwith arferol! Roedd safon ei chwarae’n anhygoel, ar adegau ymddangosai ei fysedd fel petaent yn dawnsio ar y ffret! Uchafbwynt y

noson i mi, oedd ei glywed yn chwarae ‘Y Teimlad’, cân anhygoel o swynol gan y band Datblygu gynt.

I gloi, croesawodd yr artistiaid a oedd yn chwarae o’i flaen i gydganu Chwarae’n Troi’n Chwerw, cân sydd wedi bod yn hunllef iddo, tra’n tyfu fyny yn ôl y sôn!

Mae yna rhywbeth od am gael bod yn sobor ar ddiwedd gig! Ond dwi’n falch fy mod i, ac wedi gwerthfawrogi pob eiliad!

Mwy o gerddoriaeth gyfoes i ddod yn yr wythnosau nesaf.

Gruff yn Chwarae ei gitar o chwith

Editorial & Opinion

February 28 2005

Page 13

opinion@gairrhydd.com

The debate continues: the Sabbatical team join in, presenting their case for leaving the NUS

N

BEER: no cheaper with

US – the Utopian defender of student rights and provider of amazing student discounts… or is it? Let’s explore a few of the myths about what would happen if we leave NUS and how indeed, Cardiff is set to benefit.

It is a myth that leaving NUS will lead to a rise in drinks prices. It simply won’t happen.

Historically NUSSL (the NUS alcohol purchasing consortium) was the largest in the UK, yet in the past five years its position has decreased. We are now looking to go into partnership with other Unions and provide the same discounts as NUSSL, if not better.

One benefit to students is the free NUS Card which provides some select discounts. At the NUS Annual Conference this year there is a move to approve an NUS Extra Card. This card will replace the current card and there will be a charge for it and it is YOU who will have to foot this bill.

At present, we pay for your membership of the national union, to get your cheaper drinks and to get your 10% off at Topshop etc.

In light of this, YOUR Union has significant NUS undertaken research into the possibility

of a new card, a card that will provide YOU with discounts and benefits. If you decide you wish to leave, then we will be introducing this card, so that in fact, you’d continue to receive benefits outside of NUS. You may think that Cardiff will be all alone if we leave NUS. This simply will not be the case. There are a number of Unions outside the NUS, who are indeed thriving.

Southampton left two years ago and they are £60,000 better off for doing so, and their students are supported and their voices listened to.

you may think that Cardiff will be all alone if we leave NUS We are also a member of the Aldwych Group – a group of the top 19 research universities in the UK. When there are big issues that affect our students, we get together and respond jointly. Membership is free and we have huge clout in political circles. The Aldwych Group is just one of the groups we exert influence through, and will continue to do so.

The NUS organise an annual national demonstration. This year, this national event, and I do stress national, tempted only 4,000 students to protest about top up fees. For a national union of 5.2m students, there was no unity and no strength.

In 2003 Aberystwyth Uni organised their own demo and received wider media coverage than the national demo in London. Out of the NUS, Cardiff will still get great publicity, with links to our local media as well as the BBC, ITV and S4C- watch out for Gary Rees in Buckingham Palace in the forthcoming weeks.

The NUS is led by 29 full and parttime student officers. Yet, as a union, we are unable to guide their work save for once a year where a political party stance is more important than listening to student opinion. And how much are these officers costing us?

Well on top of a wage bill of approximately £200,000, some of them are claiming over £1,500 in expenses a month!

There has recently been uproar over mobile phones, when NUS officers have been claiming phone bills over £300/month, so they’ve capped it at £150 each per month. Don’t worry –that’s only £52,000 a year that we’re paying for them to chat to friends or in some cases, electioneer!

The student pound is indeed precious

and they are clearly wasting your money!

Your Union pays £64,000 a year for your membership of the NUS. Now, what could we do with an extra £64,000 in your Union? Perhaps more money for AU clubs or societies? Or perhaps invest services in the Union that would benefit ALL students?

The NUS is already half a million pounds in debt – so it’s NUS who need Cardiff, not Cardiff that needs the NUS!

when issues affect our students we get together Your student pound could be spent better elsewhere, and you would still receive the same support, cheap drinks and student discount that you currently do – but you would be in control.

The debate about disaffiliation takes place on 10 March. We want to hear your views on the matter, so e.mail us at opinion@gairrhydd.com

Editorial & Opinion

Page 14

February 28 2005

opinion@gairrhydd.com

gair rhydd

FREE WORD The NUS is nigh

F

ollowing Cardiff’s announcement to hold a referrendum on NUS affiliation it appears that several other unions are now prepared to consider their position.

Even a quick phone conversation with our reporters revealed a certain level of dissatisfaction with NUS Wales.

By making the decision to hold a vote on the issue Cardiff has paved the way for other unions to feel confident enough to follow the lead.

If, and we stress if, Cardiff and other unions disaffiliated it would provoke one of the biggest crises NUS Wales will ever have faced.

But, at the same time, there are several unions who are more than happy with the service the organisation provides. This shows that they are clearly doing something right.

But, with so many unions holding a vote, there are problems with NUS as a whole that need to be addressed.

There are many compelling arguments for both staying in and getting out of NUS. Only by attending the debate and researching the issue fully can students make an informed decision on the issue.

James Emtage’s Student Stereotypes

Dave and Dean: the sports commentators

I

t’s Monday morning, and Dave and Dean are sitting in the cyber cafe, cup of tea in hand, discussing, at length, the results of every single mainstream sporting event that has taken place since they last saw each other, which was Friday afternoon.

I say discussing - more like slating.

For as with each match, game or tournament that’s been held in the last 48 hours, both Dave and Dean seem to be under the somewhat optimistic delusion that, should they have actually been playing, they would

have done it better.

“That goal that Terry missed... what was he THINKING... I could have got that blindfolded,” says Dave.

“Well what about England losing to France... the whole f ’king team need a good sorting, I’d have done it differently, that’s for sure,” remarks Dean.

It’s not just the losing that they discuss either. Even at the success of their own teams, the boys are quick with their critical eye to say where the downfalls of the players were, and how they were lucky to have gotten away with it this time.

Once the tactics of past play have been discussed to a near death, the conversation moves on to forthcoming fixtures, where Dave and Dean put forward, in no uncertain terms, who they’d be playing and in what positions.

They rarely find their predictions to be right however, and more often than not the team line up is considerably different to that suggested. Should the team lose, you can guarantee that one of them will smugly announce that if they’d have done as they said then none of this would have happened now, would it?

Quite how they would do it themselves remains to be seen, as neither Dave nor Dean have so much as picked up a ball of any shape or size since leaving school.

You’d have thought that they’d be chomping at the bit to get out onto the pitch come Wednesday afternoon.

However, you’ll most probably find them proping up the pool table in the games room of the Union, discussing the current state of the snooker championships and commenting on what ball they’d have potted if they were in charge of the cue. That’s once they figure out which end to hold.

The wheels on the bus go round and round

By Ed Vanstone

L

ast weekend, when visiting my home, I was forced to do something terrifying: I had to catch a bus. As all who have experienced this tortuous transport form know, every time you board one of these reviled vehicles the exact same events unfold. Honest.

The problems begin immediately when you discover that you have no change and are forced to sheepishly hand a fiver to the driver. Inevitably, the driver has thought-provoking

facial hair and an accent that he has just made up. Sighing a bronchial sigh he hands back some sweaty coins. You board and, taking care not to make eye contact with anyone, sit at the back (you are cool and therefore are compelled by The Rules to sit in this location). At this point, ability to enjoy life swiftly deteriorates.

You make the fatal mistake of not putting your legs up on the seat and similarly neglect to assume an air of twitching, barely contained violence.

This laxity is punished when two blurs in the corner of your eye sit on the back seat, near you. Not quite right

next to you. But near you. Too near.

You give them a quick glance and ohhellohshitohcrap: they are not cool.

Why the hell are they sitting at the back? They. Don’t. Know. The. God. Damn. Rules.

Next, the infidels supplement their sin: they start talking. And they can’t be more than fifteen years old. And they’re talking about sex. And they’re talking loudly.

You bang your head against the window slightly harder than desired, and suddenly everyone is staring at you. “It’s not me,” you want to say, “it’s them, they’re awful, can’t you

see?” But nobody seems to know The Rules and they’ve started talking too.

The bus hasn’t even left yet and now, over ‘Cindy’ and ‘Michelle’s’ hollered conversation concerning foreplay technique, a phone has started ringing. You curl into a ball in the corner and investigate how hard you can bite your cheeks before they start bleeding. It’s going to take twenty minutes to get home and suffocation through misanthropy won’t work, there is no compassionate noose, and you have no penknife. There’s no way out, and the driver looks like he’s going to tell a joke...

Computer Problems

L

ast week gair rhydd was conspicuous by it’s abscence from the shelves.

We could laugh it off or make some sarcastic comment as is often expected of student media.

But the truth is no-one was more devastated than the editorial team when the decision was made to pull the paper.

Several rumours have flown around as to the reasons behind our nonappearance but the truth is we were forced to abandon production to nothing more sinister than computer problems.

It’s a stereotype that student journalists work on near-broken equipment and, in this case, that stereotype is accurate.

Since the begining of February we’d been having problems with our main server. We made a decision to move on to a new server for last week’s edition of the paper but encountered teething problems that were as unexpected as they were devastating.

After losing the entire Sport and TV sections due to the errors we made the sad decision that it was physically impossible to produce a paper.

Quench survived this crisis as it wasn’t due to be transfered onto the new server for another week and was produced using slow, but working, computers.

It wasn’t a decision taken lightly and nor will it ever have to be taken again, we hope. Normal service should now be resumed.

Andrew Rennison’s

ROOM 101

O

nce upon a time I took a lady friend to a foxhunting meet.

Feeling slightly inadequate parking my Ford Fiesta next to a dozen Land Rovers, I opened the door to breathe in the smell of hound sweat and horse muck.

A spirited if slightly frightening woman passed around wine and Mars bars whilst some overdressed guy on a horse spoke to the crowd in a language that I didn’t understand.

Off went the riders, followed on foot by the working classes – I could hear Karl Marx rolling in his grave. We heard a couple of horns and spotted a couple of chases after that, otherwise it was an uneventful day. Everyone seemed to have a good time.

It was as I tried to get my Fiesta out of the mud at the meet’s conclusion that I thought: what the hell is all the fuss about?

I’m not going to argue the merits of foxhunting, it’s been done, and I’m comfortable enough in my own opinion to not feel the urge to force it upon others.

I’m an urban dweller, a city slicker, far removed from the delights of the countryside. I bear no love for those who wear poncy costumes and drink brandy in rooms with high ceilings, but I feel sorry for them.

Because I bet my bottom dollar that most of them must puzzle over how, out of every significant issue and every point of contention in this world today, foxhunting has been picked out for special attention.

Therefore, I hereby propose that not the act, nor the ban, but the issue of foxhunting should be condemned to Room 101.

Right now, as I type and as you read, a child is dying of hunger in Sudan. A

teenager is dealing crack in London. A dad has lost his entire family to Aids in Botswana. What makes the headlines on ITV news? Foxhunting.

Relatively speaking, most of us really shouldn’t care about hunting.

Aside from ‘animal rights’, there are two reasons why some people want it banned: one, they don’t like toffs because toffs have more money; two, they think foxes are cute because they watched Animals of Farthing Wood as children.

I’m not trying to defend anyone who makes a sport of chasing animals while dressed like a royal tit; I’m simply illustrating how shallow and ridiculous a topic it has become.

I mean, not two nights ago I saw a news report regarding a variety of people who plan to voluntarily go out and video those breaching the hunting ban.

‘Get out of doors!’ I roared at the screen. ‘Sell that camcorder and give the money to Oxfam, you flaming imbeciles!’ I proceeded to remove both my shoes and throw them at the offending television. Fear not, the TV wasn’t mine.

For the good of humanity, I ask that no more newspaper space, TV time or general media coverage be dedicated to foxhunting. Let’s move on. Let’s solve world hunger, or something.

Let’s get a grip.

want to contribute to the

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MEETINGS ON MONDAYS AT 2.15 IN THE GR OFFICE

February 28 2005

Editorial & Opinion

Page 15

opinion@gairrhydd.com

Hunting: now illegal with a beagle

By Dan Ridler

T

hey claim that the anti-hunting law is unenforceable.

"We’ll test the law," they cry.

"The police can’t stop us" they jeer.

Together, they vow that they’ll never stop hunting. Once again ‘they’ miss the point.

I’m anti-hunting. I’m from a rural background and have lived in the countryside all my life, and my opinion is that hunting is brutal, outdated and bloodthirsty. Despite this, I know plenty of hunters I get on fine with.

I’ve never been on a protest, never

signed a petition against hunting and never would. I try to hate hunting quietly, live and let live and certainly don’t normally get dragged into public newspaper debates about it.

The reason for that attitude is because passions run too high around the issue. In Room 101 this week Mr. Rennison makes the valid point that fox hunting isn’t important in the great scheme of things. Its okay Andy, you didn’t need to tell us you’re a city boy, I can already tell.

As he says, this issue isn’t important in world affairs and everyone knows that. It is important, however, to everyone in the countryside, because it is people’s lives and pastimes and immediate happiness that is affected. So if it’s an important issue to you or if your interested, then read on. If not, then by all means go and

talk about the plight of sub-Saharan Africa.

Moving back to the matter in hand then, I would say that this ban is probably one of the most satisfying pieces of legislation to pass through parliament in the last few years. Not the most important piece, the most satisfying. Finally the hunters have been forced where, in my opinion, they belong. Outside of the law.

The reaction to this law has, obviously, rightly, been one of outright defiance. Nobody expected this to be easy. Reform never is. When the death penalty was outlawed in Germany there was widespread outcry and protest. Now, Europe is proud of its human rights record. So it will be with hunting.

The hunters are adamant though. In the age-old way of all dying practices,

they swear that they'll go out with mindless defiance and carry on hunting. Better to die on your feet than live on your knees and all that rhetoric.

This is a healthy democratic response. Have your ‘brave last stand’.

Devon and Cornwall Constabulary are already pursuing two cases of unlawful hunting. How long before hunters realize that it just isn’t worth it?

This law has reduced hunting, thankfully, to the same level as cock fighting and badger baiting. Great traditions once, but now a practice for small minded folk with a couple of dogs and nothing better to do. The sooner the hunters stop fighting the law and start co-operating the more likely hunting’s traditions (apart from the bloodthirsty bits) will survive.

As I see it, the more the hunters squirm and try to flaunt the law the

more the anti-hunt campaigners will force the law to be tightened. It’s self destructive.

I know foxes will still be killed. I know that however that killing happens it is unlikely to be much more humane than hunting. That is not the point.

What is important is that now the law stands where it should have stood for years. In a civilized society hunting is no longer an accepted practice, and that, my fox hunting friends, is the point. You may carry on hunting but now, if you do, you are in the wrong.

To the hunters: keep on screaming guys, make the most of it. In days, your throats will be sore. In months no one will listen. In years no one will even remember who you are; except through searches on your criminal records.

Get his leg over the waitresses, and 2.

Survive the German Occupation.

Priorities appear to be in that order.

Stereotypes are at their most inflated here, with the Gestapo dressed top-totoe in black leather, complete with a stiff leg and living in a sado-machistic style dungeon. The stupid French policeman whose greeting was always "Good moaning" became one of the many favourite sayings of the programme. The issue of translation was never contested, or even considered, so delighted was I by the idiosyncrasies of French culture; namely his silly hat and costume. The vocabulary of the two British air pilots, complete with handlebar moustaches, is frequently punctuated with grammer school words such as "spiffing", "ripping" and "I say." Fortunately Enid Blyton has

ensured such exclamations live on.

Issues, which in today’s manic fairfor-all-ness world, would be contentious and cause controversy could simply be funny thirty years ago. The classic ‘Don’t mention the war’ episode from Fawlty Towers is the best example here. Another is Rigsby’s many prejudices which have ample opportunity to express themselves amid an African tribal chief, neurotic woman and Richard Beckinsale, who plays the part of a continually lovestruck young man. All three, particular the first, treat him as you would a puppy Rottwelier whose bark is so much worse than his nonexistent bite.

Racism and sexism are not being endorsed in Raising the Damp, because the subjects themselves understand the inferiority, ignorance and

very deep down goodwill of the character Rigsby. In addition, the greatest strength of Dad’s Army is that it is an example of the British poking fun at themselves. More amazing still, the subject concerns the threat of invasion and an inept Home Guard led by one Captain Mainwaring, who is not unlike that other famous icon, the British bulldog.

Saturday and Sunday childhood teatimes used to revolve around whichever series happened to be playing at the time, with the plot and characters appealing to a wide-ranging audience.

Admittedly I didn’t quite get all of it.

To me Mr Humphries, from Are You Being Served? was simply a cute little man, with a funny walk, who was forever drawn in the direction of the men’s changing room. This pro-

gramme is also an example of the battle of the sexes with mini-ambushes being the order of the day as Mollie Sugden and Miss Brahms fight it out with Captain Peacock, Mr Humphries, Mr Lucas (a deliciously delectable offering), and Mr Grainger.

Incidentally, the latter (cross between a gremlin and a poison spitting toad) epitomises sexism, his secret desire being to batter Mrs Sugden to a bloody pulp. The two sides are fighting for the Ladies’ Intimate Apparel and the Gentleman’s Ready-Made departments, who unfortunately share the same floor. Genius! Battle of the sexes, battle of the nations, and inflated stereotypes; then you had it all. Today’s teatime offering consists of an idiotic superhero, freaky talking baby, and the vainest doctor in the world. No contest.

What happened to the 70s shows?

By Bethany Whiteside

S

adly the golden age of British TV comedy has long since passed, only to be occasionally revived in time for weekend tea. British comedy enjoyed its hey-day in the 1970s with such classic characters as Basil Fawlty and Mollie Sugden. The former is possibly the meanest hotelier to ever exist in the world, and the latter’s chief interests include her hair colour, and her pussy.

The cream of comedy from this era displays every human emotion in existence. For Rene Artois, from ‘Allo ‘Allo, war is very annoying and interferes with both his morals and his conscience. His sole aims in life are to 1.

Poet, Philosopher, Journalist, Icon

By David Griffiths

T

wo weeks; two great chroniclers of American life. First Arthur Miller, now Hunter S. Thompson. Both were inspired by the satirical, journalistic impulse that runs through American letters.

The same radically democratic principle of showing America to itself, of speaking truth to power, that infuses Whitman, Emerson, Thoreau, and Twain, through to Ginsberg and the new poets of the fifties, to today’s writers such as P. J. O’Rourke, will hopefully pervade into the new century when it is needed more than ever.

In its intent Hunter S. Thompson’s style bears comparison with other American writers of (roughly) the same period, such as Joseph Heller.

Both used comic hyperbole and grotesque fantasy to expose the insanity in America’s Establishment. With Tom Wolfe (another of the sixties New Journalists) Thompson shared a love

of incandescent, over-the-top prose that placed the author at its centre.

Rather than pretend that an article was written by some dispassionate, merely curious spectator he placed himself in the thick of it, as much a part of the story as its chronicler.

As with the young Bob Dylan (‘Even Jesus would not forgive what you do’, he had sung in 1963 to the Masters of War) he had boundless reserves of righteous anger and malice, and turned it on everyone that came within his sights.

To be sure, railing against corruption and hypocrisy in America (or indeed any country’s political establishment) is like shooting very big fish in a very small barrel, but we should be grateful that here was someone who did it with such comic verve and righteous ire.

Neither timidity nor a lack of irony are desirable in our moralists. Far better that it is a man with fire in his belly (and a wicked grin on his face) who shouts ‘J’accuse!’; even if that fire then consumes him.

Presumably, the people of America will sleep as well as usual tonight.

But perhaps they should feel aggrieved that they have lost a valuable (if unpredictable) sparring partner, a man ready to show America the ‘fear and loathing’ at the heart of its vision of itself as ‘the shining city on the hill’.

Only several months ago Thompson had written a bitter polemic against the re-election of George W. Bush, for Rolling Stone magazine. In the piece he unfavourably compared Bush to Nixon, a man that Thompson had boundless loathing for. Fine praise indeed.

That Hunter S. Thompson chose the method and time of his own leaving should bring some measure of amusement to his admirers, and that he chose to do it with one of his beloved guns will bring a wry (guilty) smile to those faces.

The echoes of Hemingway are too obvious to ignore.

Thompson surely chose this form of suicide as much for its significance as for its ease.

Page 16

Editorial & Opinion

February 28 2005

opinion@gairrhydd.com

NO NEED TO WANT

Has consumerism’s grip on civilization gone too far?

Caleb Woodbridge leads the revolution against ‘stuff’

O

ne of the most dominant myths of our culture is the belief that consuming material goods brings happiness. In the last fifty years production for and consumption in Western countries has rocketed. Recently, an Ikea store saw riots as people literally fought over bargains. Has this rampant consumerism made us any happier? ‘No’ is the resounding answer.

This is not what the consumerist myth would have you believe. The mighty advertising industry is consumerism’s very own Ministry of Propaganda. You’re hopefully canny enough not to rush out and buy a product simply because it was on television. But the hours upon hours of slickly-made adverts collectively drum in another message: buying More Stuff is the way to happiness, fulfilment, sex, fame and fortune.

Is this true? Consider the stats: An American Index of Social Health showed a 52% drop between 1973 and 1998, despite exponentially increasing

“let’s stop looking to lumps of plastic for happiness” consumption and affluence. 60% of successful professionals suffer from chronic stress and depression. Often those with great riches suffer constant worry about losing their money, through theft, natural disaster, stock market collapse or any of the hundreds of other things that could bring their material empire crashing down.

Once people’s basic needs are met, their consumption begins to level off.

Oh, you can carry on trying to make your life seem meaningful by spending more and more; a flashy new car or widescreen TV or swimming pool may well cheer you up in the short term, but for genuine satisfaction, we must look beyond the material.

I expect you already know what makes us really happy: friends, community, family, our beliefs and values, meaningful activity, faith. Yes, it sounds corny, but you’ve got a much better chance of finding genuine fulfilment in these than in more luxuries.

Break your addiction to More!

Not only is consumerism not doing us any good, it’s also doing a whole lot of harm. To fuel our insatiable greed for More, we are exploiting the needy, raping the planet’s natural resources, and polluting our environment.

Consumerism isn’t just stupid - it’s immoral. The problem is, now we've

IKEA: fights broke out over bargain furniture last week set ourselves down the path of this system, it's very hard to change it without bringing the economy crashing down.

Yet consumerism simply isn’t sustainable. Our resources won’t last forever, and the UN Committee on Climate Change has some truly frightening predictions as to the likely effects of our activities. The rest of the world won’t put up with Western excess and exploitation forever.

Changing the system will be difficult, but so too would be maintaining the status quo.

So what should we do about this?

How can we break our addiction to

More Stuff? To rebel against this is to go against the very basis of modern society. It’s quite a challenge, but one we have to face if we want a fair, happy and sustainable society. I don’t have answers, but I’m determined to search for alternatives to our present madness, and I’ll begin making a few suggestions.

One of the things that my first term at university has taught me is that I don’t need to spend much money to have fun and fulfilment. Between the friends I’ve made, the societies I’ve joined and the things I’ve been learning, I’ve been having a great time. My

DOLLAR DOLLAR BILL, Y’ALL: Only goes so far

spending has been negligible - helped by the fact that I don’t drink alcohol, another thing that you don’t actually need to have a good time.

University life is helped by the social life. The Students’ Union and all the varied societies help create community - something sadly lacking in society as a whole. Let’s start putting our energies into enjoying each other’s company, into repairing the damage our greed has done, and into getting satisfaction from improving the world around us.

Let’s stop looking to lumps of plastic, metal or electronics for happiness, and start looking to each other. We need to begin building islands of contentment in the raging sea of discontent.

What can we do on a bigger scale?

Well, we need to work to make our systems and structures in our world more fair. This can be done on an individual level by seeking to support positive initiatives (fair trade and ethical trade, for example) and avoiding supporting bad institutions and systems (such as corporations like Nestlé whose actions are highly damaging to some people). But we need also to campaign for changes in the law, in international trade policy and so on, to actually change the system.

Simply ‘Stop’ is not enough - we need to redirect the energies we’ve poured into consuming elsewhere.

Otherwise, when consumption drops, loads of people will be out of jobs, we’ll have massive unemployment, economic recession and all sorts of problems. But this could easily be absorbed by the massive amounts of work needed to create a fairer and better world. This requires a radical shift in thinking.

Politics has become all about "the

economy, stupid". At the ballot box, we’re more bothered about our tax returns than people starving in developing countries due to our repressive and exploitative practices. Let’s follow dreams of a better world again, rather than just a penny off petrol or safety from the phantom bogeyman of terrorism.

Throughout history, many people have raised their voices against the injustices of the present. We have historically unprecedented levels of free time and disposable income. New communications technology makes mobilizing people to action all the easier. We are in democracies that should, in theory, reflect the wishes of the people.

“Consumerism isn’t just stupid: it’s immoral” The way is open to make a difference, but is there the will? For all this to happen, there must be a genuine will for it. We need a change of heart on an individual level before real change can be achieved on the national and international level. The revolution begins or ends here, with your actions and your choices.

Which would you rather? A few more ephemeral items of Stuff, or building real relationships with real people? Helping prop up a corrupt and immoral global system, or working to transform that system, starting with your own decisions? Now is the time to seek to make a difference - up the revolution!

February 28 2005

Political Opinion

Page 17

politics@gairrhydd.com

Crucial action on poverty

By Jack Tomlinson

“Why is it that more attempts have not been made to address these issues?”

It may often be said that great good can, in fact, come from disasters. The public’s kindness may be just one example of this and one may also wonder if, in this case, even further good could result.

The world’s least wealthy people may have had little to celebrate - not just over recent decades but throughout history - regarding donations and help from richer countries. But the new year may have contained a faint glimmer of hope for the future.

This year marks the UK’s presidency of the G8 group of developed nations, and it has been made clear that one of the top priorities for Tony Blair and Gordon Brown appears to be making headway on some of the problems of the Third World.

In particular the problems of poverty and the AIDS pandemic will be on the agenda. AIDS kills about 8,000 people each day in some of the poorest countries on the planet.

To quote the G8 action plan for Africa: "The case for action is compelling. Despite its potential and human resources, Africa continues to face some of the world’s greatest challenges.

"The many initiatives designed to spur Africa’s development have failed to deliver sustained improvements to the lives of individual women, men and children throughout Africa."

Gordon Brown’s recent trip to

Andrew Rennison considers the potential for a settlement in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict

T

T

he response of the British public to the disaster appeal for those affected by the tsunami in Asia and Africa on Boxing Day demonstrated how generous people can be in helping others.

The total amount of money raised by the Disasters Emergency Committee (DEC) reached £100 million on January 6, becoming the largest amount raised in a single appeal in Britain - more than the amount donated to those suffering from the famine in Ethiopia in the mid 1980s.

More recently, the concert in the Millennium Stadium raised over £1 million for the victims of the tsunami.

This is a credit to the British public and to all who have helped provide aid.

However, of course, the affected countries are still in great need and would benefit hugely from continued donations from around the world.

Indeed, given the scale of the disaster and the suffering resulting from it, it is quite right that the response should be of an equivalent magnitude.

Peace in the Middle East?

A VITAL ROLE IN G8: UK chancellor Gordon Brown Africa has also highlighted the problems faced there, and has given some publicity to these issues.

True, the trip may have ‘only’ been for six days, but I can’t recall any politician as senior as Mr Brown making such a journey in recent times.

Furthermore, the announcement by Nelson Mandela of the tragic death of his son from AIDS may have helped to further erode the taboo surrounding the virus in Africa itself.

The huge donation by Bill Gates to help deliver vaccines against diseases to those in the poorest countries may act as a catalyst for rich countries to increase investment in these areas.

Recently, Nelson Mandela’s address to a rally in London organised by the Make Poverty History pressure group has brought the campaign against poverty into the headlines.

The G8 have agreed in principle to cancel, at least in part, the crippling debts of Third World countries.

This is surely to be welcomed.

Maybe 2005 will see a renewed vigour in the fight against global poverty and the AID epidemic that is devastating so many countries.

The west is certainly wealthy enough to finance great change in developing nations.

It could be argued that the huge amounts of money and concerted international effort invested in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan over recent years could and should be spent in trying to address international poverty and preventable diseases.

With about half the world’s population without access to a hygienic water supply, it can hardly be argued that the ‘war on terror’ represents a more pressing cause.

Clearly, the appropriate distribution of such funds would present great challenges, but such difficulties are hardly appropriate reasons for avoiding tackling these problems.

So why is it, when the need is so obvious and exigent, that more attempts have not been made to address these issues?

Undoubtedly there is no simple answer to this.

Apart from the occasional big disaster – like the Asian tsunami or the

famine in Ethiopia – which attracts great media attention and public interest, few people are truly aware of the suffering experienced in the poorest countries.

And it may be that since the plight Third World countries is not one of the main priorities of the general public, it is also not a top priority of our government, or indeed of most big companies.

This is not necessarily entirely our own faults. Our society may run at such a frenetic rate that we hardly have time to sit down and truly consider the plight of others or what we could do to help.

“Recent tragic events will engender a new enthusiasm in the general public” However, perhaps the new year and recent tragic events will engender a new enthusiasm in the general public.

One can only hope so.

We can work to continue and build upon the overwhelming amount of support and concern. There are many things we can do.

The websites of charities are easy to find. Donations can often be made online, or via cheque.

Regular donations can also be arranged, and of course we can volunteer at these charities.

One can also use these sites to send letters to local and national MPs or we can write individual letters to companies urging them to adopt more ethical measures or support the fight against poverty.

Whatever we do, it is surely essential that we do something to demonstrate that the suffering of our fellow human beings is important to us, and that we want this suffering to be alleviated.

For their sakes, may we all take more action on poverty this year.

he Israeli-Palestinian conflict, for so long synonymous with desolation and bloodshed, is now beginning to show a glimmer of optimism.

For four years the second uprising has meant wave after wave of attacks and reprisals. This period lent a new meaning to the word ‘quagmire’, and filled many with a profound sense of futility.

Finally though it appears the veil of stagnation has lifted, with Palestinian President Yasser Arafat’s death forming the obvious catalyst. New President Mahmoud Abbas has the unenviable task of moving towards peace, and is so far showing signs of success.

The truce agreed upon on Tuesday February 8 has been followed by a period of uneasy and occasionally interrupted compliance by Hamas and Islamic Jihad, the two principle

“A clear opportunity for real progress, not simply diplomatic soundbites” Palestinian militant groups.

If relative quiet can be maintained, then there is a clear opportunity for real progress, not simply diplomatic soundbites.

However, the integral key to such progress is not Israel or Palestine, but the United States. So close are IsraeliAmerican ties that the former receives by far the largest proportion of US foreign aid, requesting some $2.58 billion for 2005.

The effect of this is twofold.

Firstly, the Bush administration thus wields significant power and influence over Israel and the direction it takes regarding the Palestinians.

Secondly, Palestinian anger towards the US is fierce, particularly as so much of Israel’s aid takes military form. When the planes bombing you have ‘Made in the USA’ stamped to their fuselage, it tends to breed resentment.

Clinton showed that a committed US President could bring about steps towards peace, just as Bush has shown that a disinterested administration can

A PARTNER IN PEACE: New Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas spell disaster.

If the US urges Israel to find solutions through negotiation, yet also tries to improve its relations with the Palestinians, this will undoubtedly spur on a drive for a long-term resolution - that is far and away more important than disarming Iran or holding elections in Iraq.

Islamic extremists have repeatedly pointed to the plight of their Palestinian brothers as reason enough to spread terror in the West.

Israel is seen as a US minion, scarring the largely Islamic Middle East.

Such a negative Arab view of Israel is not without foundation. Contrary to Geordie’s conclusion two weeks ago that Israel is "a protector of human rights", I would argue that this is far from true.

Below is an extract from the Human Rights Watch’s overview of Israel: "The Israeli authorities continue a policy of closure, imposing severe and frequently arbitrary restrictions on freedom of movement in the West Bank, Gaza Strip, and East Jerusalem, contributing to a serious humanitarian crisis marked by extreme poverty, unemployment, and food insecurity".

Clearly neither side is without blame, such is the culmination of hatred over many years and the immorality that has thus resulted. But cyclical violence cannot resolve anything.

If the current momentum can be maintained by Israelis, Palestinians and the Bush administration, then maybe the cycle can finally end.

Want to write for the politics page?

If you want to contribute to the page then come to the office on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union or email us at: politics@gairrhydd.com

SVC

February 28 2005

Page 19

Student Volunteering Cardiff

Make 2005 the year of the volunteer with SVC Going-out for charity

PAINT THE TOWN: volunteers take their antics back to school

S

O IT’S national ‘Student Volunteering Week’, but what does that mean to

you?

The chances are that you won’t have seen any of the results of SVC projects in the walk between Woodville Rd and The Union, but out in the communities of Cardiff, student volunteers make huge differences to the lives of the individuals and groups they help.

These are real people; children who may not have a safe environment in which to play on a dark winters evening, or have nobody to turn to with their problems; hospital patients without a link to the outside world, and homeless people that need a helping hand to get back on track.

Volunteers provide this fundamental assistance to the members of soci-

t e e M some le p o e p alrea dy d e v l o i nv in

ety who are in need of it the most, so Student Volunteering Week has become a celebration of the involvement and achievement of student volunteers and the amazing work they do throughout the year.

Whilst writing this article many students were asked ‘what does volunteering really mean to you?’

Amongst the plethora of diverse answers, one aspect was echoed by numerous volunteers – "it means so many different things to different people."

A variety of projects The projects and the people that SVC works with vary enormously and so do the reasons that students volunteer, but whether it’s wanting to ‘make a difference’ or simply have fun and improve your CV volunteers gain an extensive portfolio of skills and experience that stays with them for life and enhances their employability.

Granted, the good you do for others tends to eclipse the good it does for you, but it really is a win-win situation for everyone involved, and with 2005 being declared the official ‘Year of the Volunteer’ there’s no better time to accomplish something amazing.

Check out www.SVCardiff.org or visit the SVC office on the 3rd Floor of the Union for more information.

SVC kicked off Student Volunteering Week by inviting staff and student volunteers from Bangor, Aberystwyth, and Swansea Universities down to Cardiff for the

weekend.

The aim of the trip was to create better links between student volunteering groups in Wales, and was the second part of an exchange visit arranged by SVC, where all the groups first met up in Bangor in November.

The highlight of the weekend was a trip to Tongwynlais Primary School, where everyone helped to paint a mural on a ‘friendship stop’ in the school playground.

The mural was designed by children at the school and its purpose is to promote inclusion by designating an area in the playground where children who lack confidence in a social setting can meet up with appointed ‘buddys’ who will look after them.

www.SVCardiff.org

Why? I initially started working as a student volunteer partly because I wanted to see how strong my interest in mental health was.

KIRSTY 4th year Psychology student What do you do?

I’m one of the two co-ordinators on the Whitchurch Project, where volunteers befriend individuals with mental health issues from Whitchurch Hospital, providing a break from the routine of hospital life.

What’s the best part ?

Building up relationships with patients. It can be so rewarding watching patients’ mental states improve and being able to have a good laugh with them.

Do you find it rewarding?

I think the fact that I’ve volunteered every year that I’ve been in Cardiff speaks for itself. Working as a volunteer is so rewarding and gratifying; you feel that you have done something really worthwhile when helping others.

Will SVC will help your future career?

It already has! My time volunteering enabled me to gain the experience to get the position of Student Clinical Psychologist for my placement year.

JOE 3rd year Business student What do you do?

I co-ordinate the St.Monica’s after school club with fellow co-ordinator Ben. Every Wednesday we organise activities for about 12 children for two hours. We play football, dodge ball and do some arts and crafts.

Basically a lot of the kids’ parents

GEORGIE 3rd year Journalism Student What do you do?

I co-ordinate STAR kids club which runs weekly for asylum seeker and refugee children living in Cardiff. I help organise and supervise the children whilst they do a range of activities. We also provide transport for children who otherwise cannot attend. both work and because they live in the city they don’t have the time or money to take their kids out to play.

We give them the chance to have a structured run around for a couple of hours a week.

What’s the best part?

Getting to join in with all those games you used to play at school that everyone still wants to play but never gets the opportunity - like dodge ball, which is so much easier when

AS PART of Volunteering Week, SVC organised a ‘School Uniform’ party at Bar Is It? on Tuesday 22nd February.

More than just a chance to dress up in old school clothes and get drunk, the party was in support of the National Anti Bullying campaign.

Everyone who came through the door was given a piece of blue ribbon to tie around their wrist, like the authentic blue bands.

Although entry was free, donations of loose change were accepted on the night and also raffle tickets were sold.

The grand prize, a signed Welsh Rugby Shirt was kindly donated by Debenhams, which the WRU then agreed to get signed by the Welsh Rugby team.

The proceeds from the night will be split between SVC and Childline.

So thanks to everyone who came,

What’s the best part?

The children are by far the best part of the project, their ages range from 5-15 and yet there are never any problems with activities. All the children make the best of every situation they come across and are hilarious in the process.

We have a lot of children who attend each week with little spoken English; it is an amazing experience to observe how the children interact with one another and gain confidence and language skills.

Do you think your time with SVC will help your future career/employability?

Being a part of SVC helps you fill in those tough questions on application forms such as: Write about an extremely rewarding experience or Give examples of your organisational skills.

Student volunteering allows you to recount experiences that interviewers would be eager to question you about and which your response to would be positive and enthusiastic. the opposition are half your size!

Has volunteering taught you new skills?

Yeah; how to deal with 12 hyperactive kids who all want to do something different and none of them want to do the thing you’ve organised.

Will SVC will help your future employability?

I hope so but even if it doesn’t I’ve still

Women’s Day

Page 20

February 28 2005

gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com

Yes, it’s Ladies’ Night Cardiff celebrates International Women’s Day in style Women’s Officer Clare Donovan explains why International Women’s Day remains as important as ever INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S Day is approaching and it marks the celebration of the economic, social, cultural and political achievements for women.

Many people believe that women have gained equality in today’s world: sadly this is not true. Despite the fact that it is now acceptable for US to vote and wear trousers, women all over the world are suffering because of their gender.

There is still the need for everyone to campaign for equal rights for women, both in this country where women are faced with the ever present pay-gap, and abroad where basic human rights are being abused. The World Health

Organisation estimates that 85 to 115 million females have undergone some form of female genital mutilation and around 25,000 brides are burned to death each year in India because they cannot provide sufficient dowries.

To promote awareness of the barriers women still face, International Women’s Day is celebrated every year on March 8.

Cardiff University Students’ Union is showing their support to women everywhere by holding ‘Ladies Night’, an evening of indulgence to raise money for Welsh Women’s Aid. Whilst it will a fabulous, funfilled night, the event has a serious message to offer; that Cardiff University is a place where anyone

can achieve greatness, no matter what sex you are.

services within local communities, 24-hour helplines and information and practical support on the law, benefits, housing, children’s issues and other matters related to the experience of domestic violence and abuse. Without the support, resources and training provided by Welsh Women’s Aid these organisations would not be able to do all the good work they do.

The organisation is committed to empowering women and children.

Since 1978 they have enabled thousands of women and children in Wales to break free from abusive

Do you know someone who has done something amazing?

ANASTASIA: Battled cancer and still achieved greatness

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY Students’ Union is launching the Outstanding Female Achievement Award, sponsored by Price Waterhouse Coopers, which will be presented in a glamorous ceremony during ‘Ladies’ Night’.

Any female student is eligible for nomination. They may be nominated for any reason, ranging from academic or sporting achievement, volunteering or their ability to succeed in the face of difficulty.

Nominations must be received by Friday March 4. They can be handed into Chris Evans on the third floor of the union or sent to Women’s Officer Clare Donovan at donovanc1@cardiff.ac.uk. To enter either fill out this form or answer the questions in an email.

7.00pm

Guests will be met with complementary drink reception and an opportunity to explore the variety of stalls ‘Ladies’ Night’ has to offer. These include The Body Shop, Virgin Vie, Chocoholics, Fitness First, Welsh Women's Aid, EDA, Weight Watchers, Price Waterhouse Coopers, Mind The Gap, SDU, SHAG, Womenkind, with many more to be confirmed.

7.30pm

Women’s Officer Clare Donovan and PR and Campaigns Officer Tom Gough welcome everybody to the event and introduce Welsh Woman of the Year, Sarah Cornelius, to the stage for the opening speech

GREER: Her fight goes on

‘Ladies’ Night’ to support top Welsh charity WELSH WOMEN’S Aid is the leading provider of services aimed specifically at helping vulnerable women and children who are experiencing domestic violence and abuse in Wales.

They are a national umbrella organisation with a membership of 34 local Women’s Aid Groups situated around Wales. These groups provide emergency temporary accommodation called ‘refuges’ for women and children who live in fear of domestic violence. They also offer outreach

What the evening promises

relationships. Today they continue to work to make violence against women and children unacceptable by lobbying at a national and international level.

i

If you want to contact the Wales Domestic Abuse Confidential Helpline, the freephone number is 08 08 08 10 800. Lines are open between 8am and 2pm, and 8pm and 2am.

8.00pm 9.00pm

At this point there will be the opportunity to be chosen for a makeover.

9.30pm 9.50pm 10.00pm

The fashion show continues after a short break, with new ranges from Sarah Cornelius and Bowho.

10.30pm

Welsh Women's Aid say a short thank you to everyone for their support.

The first part of the fashion show begins, with retailers from the Capitol Centre showing off their new collections.

The results of the makeover are revealed.

Cardiff’s Outstanding Female of the Year Award will be announced. The raffle is drawn and the auction takes place.

Tickets for Ladies’ Night are available from Cardiff University Box Office priced four pounds.

Tel: 029 20 78 14 58 All proceeds will go to support the domestic violence charity, Welsh Women’s Aid (see above).

Outstanding Female Achievement Award Nomination Form Name of nominee:.................................................................................................................

Contact number of nominee:.................................................................................................

Proposed by:..........................................................................................................................

Contact number of proposer:.................................................................................................

Tell us a bit about the person you nominated:....................................................................... ................................................................................................................................................

Why do they deserve this award?:........................................................................................ ................................................................................................................................................ ................................................................................................................................................

Anything else you would like to mention?:............................................................................ ................................................................................................................................................

Health

Page 22

February 28 2005

health@gairrhydd.com

NO ALTERNATIVE CHOICE

By Joe Drennan and Emily Dicks Health Reporters

C

onventional medicine has made enormous developments in recent years. It has enabled us to achieve what was once considered impossible in the field of health.

It is perhaps surprising then that more traditional forms of treatment such as herbal remedies, Chinese medicine and dietary supplementation have enjoyed such an increase in popularity. But this £1.5 billion pound ‘alternative’ industry is now under threat from new legislation.

Last week the government unveiled plans to regulate alternative health practitioners, but this is not the first of its moves to control the industry. In an attempt to regulate the industry, the government passed the Food Supplements Directive (FSD) in 2002. The former Health Minister, Lord Hunt, called it "a scheme that will systematically prevent poor quality and unsafe medicines reaching the UK market."

The FSD was passed in response to European legislation which aims to re-classify supplements with physiological effects as medicines.

However, critics have speculated that it will increase the price of supplements and put many existing manufacturers out of business. As a consequence the quality and choice of

products may decrease, at least in the short term.

Alternative treatment looks to offer a less intrusive, more holistic approach to health, focusing primarily on the individual and addressing their physical and emotional needs with the aim of long-lasting benefits.

For many then, alternative medicines provide choice - a choice that government plans could take away.

Alternative treatment looks to offer a less intrusive, more holistic approach to health The ‘Positive List’, developed by the European Commission’s Pharmaceutical Committee, is a list of ingredients deemed safe to be used as medicine.

In order to get new or existing nutrients on the list a company would have to present a dossier to the EU proving that they have tested the product extensively.

The testing process could cost anything from £10,000 to several million pounds for one ingredient, with no guaranteed results. This would be financially impossible for many, with most companies producing at least 200 products, which are often made up of more than one ingredient.

The Food Supplements Directive

will come into practice in the summer of this year. It will first be applied to vitamins and minerals, and then to herbal remedies at a later date. Those products which are still seen to be fit for consumption will soon only be available in strengths consistent with the Recommended Daily Allowance.

The consequences of this directive extend to a number of common and widely used supplements in various forms, including vitamin E, calcium and silica to name but a few.

Sue Croft of Consumers for Health Choice concludes that "this will wipe the most popular and effective higherdose [products] off the shelves," reducing alternative medicine to a purely preventative role.

A government spokesperson maintained that "it is in everybody’s best interests that remedies that have a significant effect on the body and can interact with other medicines should be regarded as serious medicines and be appropriately regulated."

The FSD is aimed at protecting the general public from suspicious and potentially dangerous products which could enter the market under current regulations, yet this assumes that there is a danger in the first place.

Sharon Flynn, a spokesperson from one of Britain’s largest health product chains states that "there are no dangerous products out there."

Cigarettes and alcohol are available in excess, who’s been killed by a vitamin?

Alison James, Manager of Cardiff health food shop Beanfreaks is sceptical about the government’s priorities: "cigarettes and alcohol are available in excess...who’s been killed by a vitamin?"

One health food shop owner feels even more strongly: "We may well see many consumers turning to unregulated and illegitimate sources in order to maintain the supply of products which would otherwise be unavailable. This places them at more of a

ALTERNATIVE MEDICINES: tougher regulations by August 2005 risk than if current regulations are left as they are. Perfectly safe products will become illegal."

Another possibility is that supplements will come from the American market where regulations are not so strict. They have safeguards against attempts to restrict consumers after similar directives were met with public outrage and eventually overturned in both America and Canada.

This would concede an important part of the British economy in favour of foreign markets, with no discernible difference in the regulation of the products in question.

The opinion that the FSD is the result of aggressive lobbying is almost taken for granted by those who work in the industry. "The pharmaceutical companies are pushing for it," believes Alison James, "we are very worried."

Critics of the Directive claim that the government are offering support partly as a result of the financial role that large pharmaceutical companies play in medical research.

If the predictions that there will be a decline in the availability of alternative products are proven right, this

can only serve to benefit the conventional drugs industry.

Further suspicion was raised when the issue was put to the Commons vote in 2002. "I was a member of this committee until I said very honestly that I would vote against the regulations," Kate Hoey, MP for Vauxhall, reportedly commented.

She and five other MPs who were part of the House of Commons Standing Committee for FSD regulations were ‘unceremoniously removed’ from the committee the night before it was due to be passed.

Although this directive is aimed at protecting the consumer, the bill denies people the opportunity to treat themselves and take an active and interested role in their own health.

"It’s a violation of people’s rights to choose what they want, especially when you consider that herbs are beneficial," argues James, "people are sensible enough to choose for themselves; it’s insulting."

If you have an opinion about the Food Supplements Directive, write a short letter to your MP regarding motion no. 414, the renegotiation of the Food Supplements Directive.

Where to get vitamins and minerals after regulation n CALCIUM: Works with Vitamin D in building bones and teeth, as well as maintaining a regular heartbeat. Sources: Sardines, salmon, dairy products and broccoli. n IRON: Essential for the production of haemoglobin, the red blood cells that provide the body with oxygen. Sources: Liver, Chicken and Spinach. n VITAMIN B1: Also known as Thiamin, it is essential in the release of energy from carbohydrates and for healthy skin. A deficiency of Thiamin

is also believed to cause nervous disorders and beriberi. Sources: Lean meat, rice, fish, pulses and fortified breakfast cereals. n MAGNESIUM: Helps promote the smooth functioning of nerves and muscles. Sources: Leafy green vegetables and nuts. n ZINC: Required for normal growth and reproduction. Also beneficial for a healthy immune system, night vision and the ability to taste and smell.

Sources: Red meat, sunflower seeds and peanuts.

Science

February 28 2005

Page 23

science@gairrhydd.com

Back to the Future

Scientific ideas for the future have been good, bad and sometime even laughable

By Chris Matthews

Science Editor

IMAGINE LIVING IN a city 3000 metres under the sea which could only be reached by atomic submarines.

It would be a working city where men operating claw-handled ‘aquacopters’ would mine minerals and ores, and others would drill of gas and oil or farm the sea. Suits made from cutting edge polymers would keep people warm in this environment and when above ground travel would be fast and efficient in flying cars.

This may seem like a far fetched idea but in 1964 it was the prediction of scientists working for General Motors, one of America’s biggest corporations.

Predictions of the future of technol-

ogy have been made for hundreds of years. These have ranged from seemingly ridiculous ideas to concepts that are amazingly close to today’s reality.

Leonardo Da Vinci made a sketch of a primitive helicopter 500 years before it became a common occurrence in our skies. The design was based upon a corkscrew-like wing which would enable it to cut through the air when turned at speed.

Da Vinci’s design was flawed, as is the way with many predictions the theory was sound but huge problems were encountered when attempting to put it into practice. Perhaps Da Vinci is an inconsistency in scientific prediction, he possessed a unique genius which has been recreated by only a handful of people since his death.

The more notorious predictions, certainly in the last 100 years, have

SINCLAIR C5: Slow, dangerous and a bit crap

Science in brief

By Chris Matthews

Inspecting Gadgets

LOOK AROUND YOU: Invention Parody, Mondays 10pm BBC2 been far less insightful and occasionally laughable. These were mostly made by large companies who advertised products they would be offering once technology had caught up with their requirements; these products were showcased at large public events including the World’s Fair.

At the 1964 fair many products of the future were exhibited, this included the ‘Bell Telephone’s Picture Phone’ which provided simultaneous video and voice communication. For simplicity it was marketed as a cross between a television and a telephone and it was hoped that 3 million of the devices would be in US homes by the 1980s. This all happened 40 years before the 3G video calling we have today so it is understandable that the serviced failed to catch on, local calls were unreliable and calling long dis-

tance numbers was almost impossible.

This was just one of many inventions which made up ‘the house of tomorrow’, a dream which Walt Disney believed in more than most people. He created a show which also appeared at the 1964 World’s Fair called ‘The Carousel of Progress’, it showed a domestic scene progressing throught the decades of the 20th century with an increasing number of chores being automated.

This meant voice activation for every household appliance so a family could sit in comfort while their dinner cooked and the fridge supplied them with drinks. Disney’s ideal future, it seemed, was one in which people could be as inactive as possible with machines catering to their every whim.

New inventions continued to attempt to revolutionise people’s lives, most failed, even the personal computer didn’t look like the world dominating technology it would once become.

PCs in the 1960s amazed crowds by performing simple tasks like recalling important events when provided with a specific date.

Despite the public’s insatiable facination with computing no one in the 60s could predict the revolution in communication which would come in the form of the internet. The concepts of email and music and movie downloads were not fully understood until the 1990s.

Predictions of the future are often misguided, focusing to heavily on issues of little relavance and missing the technologies which will one day revolutionise the world.

Some comfort should be taken in this, as even if inventions we are hopeful for, such as nanotechnology, fail, there will be unpredictable techniques which should fill the gap or even prove themselves as superior.

gair rhydd isn’t just for English and Journalism students!

If you’ve got an interest in any area of science and want to contribute, email the science editor at science@gairrhydd.com

A US survey has ranked the top ten gadgets of all time with the Apple PowerBook 100 being chosen as number one.

Number two was voted as the remote control while the daddy of portable music the Sony Walkman came in at number three. The winners were not just electronic with the sextant, used for navigation at sea in the 1700s making 59th place.

9/11 Forensics Halted Three and a half years after the terrorist attack the forensic examination of dead bodies has been stopped. With almost half of the victims of the attack still unidentified a spokesperson said "We are hopeful in the future of getting new technology whereby we'll be able to identify those remains." An advance in Forensic techniques could still help give closure to the families of the remaining 1,161 unidentif ied victims.

CSI: Crime Scene Impossible

Science investigators have highlighted a huge increase in the amount of evidence submitted to forensic labs.

It is thought that this comes as a result of the success of TV shows such as Crime Scene Investigation and the spin-off shows CSI: Miami and CSI: New York which presents forensic science as the solution to every type of crime.

The shows are also accused of presenting forensics in an unrealistic way showing instant test result which can take months in the real world. Forensic Pathologist Dr Patricia McFeeley described her situation: "What I f ind is that families now are more dissatisfied with the investigation than was previously the case."

UK Pirates Rule the Airwaves The UK is responsible for the most illegal downloads of American TV programs. Programs such as 24 and The O.C are being downloaded by up to 100,000 people with 20,000 coming from the UK. Using a Bittorrent download client coupled with a website of television links programs can be taken just hours after they are aired on US TV.

Jobs & Money

Page 24

February 28 2005

jobs@gairrhydd.com

Money makes the world go round?

Financial hardship is one of the most pressing issues facing

students today. Where should we go to find support and advice?

If you are interested in applying for a Hardship Grant...

By Kelly Brownhill Jobs and Money Reporter

F

or most of us the prospect (or reality) of debt is a catalyst for anxiety and stress. When left to develop it can feel as if our financial affairs are spiralling out of control affecting academic performance and our personal lives.

While the introduction of the Higher Education grant and the Assembly learning grant have gone some way towards assisting with living costs for students from lower income families, most students face challenges of living on a tight budget while balancing academic work and a part time job.

It is essential to remember that where student financial hardship is concerned support is available. Often the only support wanted is cold hard cash.

While it may be tempting to sell a kidney on Ebay for quick cash consider the effects upon your digestive system next ‘Drink The Bar Dry’. The damage to your alcoholic tolerance is unthinkable especially when there are far less painful means of tackling your finances.

The university offers advice in managing money and seeking out alternative funding methods. The Student Advice Centre located at 50 Park place is a one stop shop for all your financial needs. The first step in managing your finances is simply to take a step back from it. The main dilemma facing most of us is simply a shortfall in cash.

The obvious solution to managing your finances, is minimising the outgoing and maximising the incoming.

However this is never as easy in reality as it looks on paper. That is why it is often productive to go through this process with a trained advisor who can offer constructive advice on ways to increase your income and monitor controlled expenditure.

They can discuss budgeting with you to make your money go further. By doing this you are taking a step to relieve the financial pressures you may be feeling.

If things have already become difficult and debt is causing you considerable stress a problem advisor at the Student Support Centre can help.

They are trained in debt negotiation and can work with you and on your behalf to negotiate debt repayments with creditors to a manageable amount, freeing up money for living costs.

If facing an unforeseen situation, or if your situation reaches a real low, there is the possibility of having an Emergency loan from the University.

This interest-free loan is only granted if

...And you fall into one of the following categories your case will be considered a priority and you may be able to gain a grant to cover your shortfall: n

Mature students

n

Students with children

n Students with a disability/health related costs Bow before the power of money... the advisor is certain there is no alternative source of money and it will normally only cover basic living expenses.

Obviously these loans are not the solution to long-term cash flow problems but making contact with the Student Support Centre could prove the start you need so that you can help yourself.

You could also apply for extra support from charitable trusts. Depending on your circumstances, these can be a valuable source of help but can take some planning ahead.

Some people do not find it easy to ask for help.

Monetary issues are personal A few of the funds are specific to courses, however student advisors at the Support Centre can give you further details on your eligibility and can help you with your application.

Every year, many students make use of the University’s hardship grants, known as the Additional Support Fund.

These non-repayable grants can prove an important source of financial aid for students with a shortfall. The fund itself is provided by the Welsh Assembly Government and is administered by the University. The fund is open to all UK home students who have taken out their full student loan entitlement. But, as with any fund, there are specific eligibility criteria to be fulfiled. However, every application is considered according to individual circumstances.

You will need to show a shortfall between reasonable expenditure and

For more information on finding a grant/ loan suitable for your needs visit: http://www.cardiff.ac.uk/schoolsanddivisions/divisions/ stude/advis/index.html You can also book in to use the Funderfinder software and look at The Educational Grants’ Directory (also available in most libraries).

For any further information, advice or support pay a visit to the Student Advice Centre at 50 Park Place.

income. The fund is obviously not bottomless but in many cases it has proved a much-needed support for many students whom without such financial assistance could not have completed their course.

Some people do not find it easy to ask for help. Monetary issues are personal matters, and asking for support can seem like you are admitting a failure to ‘cope’.

It may help to seek information by looking at their website or popping into the Student Support Centre to look at the information on offer and pick up a leaflet and application form. If you would prefer you can email your queries to the Student Support Centre at advisory@cf.ac.uk and have a trained advisor respond in confidence.

They have self-help leaflets on a host of topics available from the Support Centre reception or for download from the website. The Student Support Centre welcomes students who may need advice and information and can help with initial queries to more complex issues and with concerns you may have wanted to tackle earlier but have not addressed.

We do not want to spread a message of doom and gloom. There is generally a way through most issues. Whether you require support in terms of cash, advice or information call in to the Student Support Centre to talk to an advisor. A drop-in service is operating between 12-3pm every day and you can book an appointment to see someone if you prefer.

n

Final year students

n Students with course equipment costs, exceptional travel costs or compulsory field trip costs.

To apply please pick up an application and guidance from reception at the Student Support Centre 50 Park Place, from the Students Union Advice Centre or download it from our website:

http://www.cardiff.ac. uk/schoolsanddivisions/divisions/stude /advis/index.html

Jobs & Money

February 28 2005

Page 25

jobs@gairrhydd.com

News in brief

Macedonia’s Calling

A Staffordshire university Student has ended his economics course prematurely to become finance minister of Macedonia. 29 year old Fatmir Besimi was asked to take over the position last year. Already deputy governor of the country’s central bank he unexpectedly received a phone call asking him to help push through vital economic reforms. Mr Hashi Fatmir’s professor expressed “he had to respond to the call and try to make a contribution to his country's economic development”.

English Universities want more non-EU students English universities want to increase the number of non-EU students studying at their establishments in a bid to raise income from this potentially more lucrative source. The announcement comes as fears that domestic places are being sacrificed in favour of full-fee paying overseas students. The number of students from overseas is predicted to grow from 166,369 to 210,865.

Students in Charity Race Students from Cambridge University have taken part in an unusual race by

going as far as they can on a zero budget. The race that raised money for charity saw one student manage to make it as far as Tokyo in the last attempt. Students this time aim to beat this far-flung target but it will be a huge task .

Less Welsh studying in England Recent figures published by UCAS show fewer Welsh students are pursuing their degrees in England. The report also shows that the overall number of people in Wales entering higher education is declining. This fall, coupled with the introduction of tuition fees in England, further highlights the need for the Welsh assembly to act to reverse the trend.

Gum Tax to be introduced A new tax on chewing gum is being considered by UK authorities. The £150 million pound cost of cleaning Britain’s streets’ of the mess left by dropped gum is spiralling out of control.

Cities and councils across the country are trying to find new ways of cleaning the streets of gum as pressure grows on them to tackle the issue from both the government and pressure groups. Other initiatives include biodegradable gum and more strict enforcement of fines for people who drop the gum.

Up 8% Chances of graduates in the UK getting employment with a salary over 24,000 in their first job.

Continuing - The UK’s record period of economic growth.

The fall of the UK jobless total and the decline of British manufacturing.

For full details of these jobs and many others, plus information on our agency vacancies please come and see us at Unistaff Jobshop, Ground Floor, Cardiff University Students’ Union.

Swydd/Job:

Customer Sales Advisor

Swydd/Job:

Voice recognition agents

Ardal/Area: Tal/Wage: Oriau/Hours: Parhad/Duration: Manylion/Details:

Cardiff £6.00 per hour Various Casual / As required Temporary bar and waiting staff required in the Cardiff area.

Duties will include bar / table service and customer service.

No experience is required as full training will be provided.

Welsh speakers desirable.

080

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

069

Swydd/Job:

Manager

Swydd/Job:

Casual Worker

Ardal/Area: Tal/Wage: Oriau/Hours: Parhad/Duration: Manylion/Details:

Cardiff At least NMW Flexible Ongoing World leader in Natural Health / Beauty and Nutrition requires enthusiastic, self motivated people to use and promote the Company’s products.

Ardal/Area: Tal/Wage: Oriau/Hours: Parhad/Duration: Manylion/Details:

Newport £4.85 - £5.20 p/hr Sat & Sun 7.20am – 4pm Ongoing General production work, Assembly, Inspecting, packing.

Candidates need to be physically fit, and have good attention to detail. A good standard of English is required in order to communicate across all levels.

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

082

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

083

Cardiff £7.69 per hour 16-20 hours per week flexible, between 4pm-10pm Mon-Sun Parhad/Duration: Ongoing Manylion/Details: Customer sales advisor required to take inbound calls, and offering excellent customer service whilst being able to cross-sell additional products.

Applicants with previous customer service experience in a call centre desirable. Own transport essential.

Ardal/Area: Tal/Wage: Oriau/Hours:

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

In Unistaff Jobshop we run two services, an agency (Unistaff), for one-off jobs within the University and some external companies, and a jobcentre-style service (Jobshop), for on-going part time work with external companies. Both services are free once you have registered with us.To register please bring your student card, and National Insurance card (UK students) or Passport (Non-UK students).

We are open from 10-4, Monday to Friday.

Car Owner Drivers Required

Postcards from the Real World Hello everyone!

My name’s Tom and I graduated three years ago from Swansea University with a history degree. Like everyone I was a bit unsure about what I wanted to do but I didn’t really fancy taking a year out. I figured I’d suffered being poor for long enough and I needed to finally be in plus numbers in the bank (something I only recently achieved).

I applied for various graduate schemes in the November before I graduated. It seems really early but most of the graduate schemes end in December so you have to get in early if you want to be considered for the following September. I got a few interviews and eventually got a place on the management course at Natwest.

It’s not where I saw myself when I was younger but I have really enjoyed the experience. I was on the training course for two years and was stationed at various branches throughout the country experiencing a range of jobs.

I now work full time in Cardiff and couldn’t be happier. On the surface it doesn’t seem the most exciting job but every day is different and there is never a dull moment. I would definitely recommend graduate schemes to anyone unsure about what they want to do. They offer you training and extra qualifications while earning a real salary and a guaranteed job at the end.

Wish you were here?

Tom Stevenson

Car Owner Drivers Required for local deliveries in Cardiff ■ Earn up to £9.00 per hour ■ Flexible working hours ■ And Free Pizza!

Call Andrew on 07973 571141 for more information.

Page 26

News

February 28 2005

grnews@cf.ac.uk

FIGHT

Gair Rhydd’s guide

By Dave Doyle News Editor NUS PRESIDENT Kat Fletcher has attacked calls for Cardiff University Students’ Union to disaffiliate saying that students will “lose your national voice.”

The comments follow CUSU’s decision to hold a referendum into whether or not we should still be a part of the national organsiation after gaining the required 5% signatures from students.

Fletcher believes that this is the worst time for students to be isolated from her organisation.

Talking to gair rhydd she said: “Only last week, Vice Chancellors in Wales told the Welsh assembly that they wanted top-up fees but not an access regulator, meaning that thousands of poorer students could be prevented from gaining the university experience that you all enjoy at Cardiff.”

She went on to say: “NUS is leading the fight against variable fees in Wales, lobbying assembly members, civil servants and ministers, tackling the decision makers nationally, locally and face to face on the issues that effect you.”

Services But Fletcher says that membership to the NUS is about more than just the fight against fees. She highlighted the wide range of services the NUS provides for unions across the UK. Fletcher said these were: n Providing the materials, support and advice to run campaigns; providing your union with the tools they need to get the best deal for you on campus. n Official representation to government and national bodies. n Automatic access to purchasing consortium NUS Services Ltd (NUSSL), which operates on behalf of your students’ union to achieve the lowest prices for their services, from the bar to the newsagent, freeing up cash for your union to spend on their other services. n Representatives who sit on governmental committees and provide evidence which is used to shape policies and inform legislation. NUS has recently had a great impact in the Housing Bill, and we have given evidence to select committes on issues such as interfaith work on campus, student debt and disability rights. n Our researchers, w i d e l y r eg a r d e d as experts in their field, liase with a range of national

organisations to ensure policy decisions made by our members on conference floor are communicated to decision makers and section leaders. n Research and information support and advice for your union officers on virtually any area of education and student life, from housing to franchise courses, students funding to women’s issues. Special projects on accomadation costs and student health. n All the support your officers need on any issue from union development, to lobbying the University, from marketing to media. n Over 100 events annually to allow students from across the UK to come together. These events cover training, network days, conferences, speaker days, workshops, liberation events and regional events. It is through these events that the UK student movement is able to develop into one of the strongest student movements in the world. n Training to empower your union officers with the skills and knowledge they need to represent you. n Regional support, training and advice on a day to day basis through NUS Wales. n Entertainments support, giving your union the opportunity to provide the best in tours, acts, training, briefings and day to day advice. n The Development Project Unit, allowing your student activities to benefit from key skills training, net work and share ideas through Stadia and even train students to train clubs and society officers, course reps and council reps through the National Student Learning Programme. n Publications and briefings for your union officers, giving them the latest in advice to help them represent you.

Successes Fletcher is also keen to highlight the successes the NUS has had on behalf of the student community.

“We have forced the EU to drop legislation that would have made it financially impossible for students’ unions to run minibuses and would have crippled sports clubs and societies,” she said.

“We won a legal battle with Phonographic Performance Limited (PPL), saving students’ unions around £1.25m in fees payable in performance rights.”

Fletcher also pointed out that the NUS had won council tax exemption for students and set up hardship funds.

She also claims that students in the recent Housing Bill came about through extensive lobbying from the NUS. The NUS also fought for the extension of the minimum wage to under 18 year olds.

The current debate over top-up fees is another reason Fletcher feels the NUS is invaluable to students. She pointed out that a NUS representative is sitting on the Rees Group advising the Welsh Assembly on the issue.

“The government doesn’t listen to individual unions,” she said, “it does listen to the NUS.” Fletcher finished by urging the Cardiff’s student population to vote to stay in the NUS on Monday 14 and Tuesday 15 saying: “join 5.2 million other students and stay a part of NUS.”

News

February 28 2005

Page 27

grnews@cf.ac.uk

NIGHT

to the CUSU vs. NUS debate

By Nicola Menage Reporter A RECENT Cardiff University Students’ Union report has highlighted the vast sum of money paid to the NUS each year.

CUSU President Gary Rees has since attacked the NUS claiming that our union gets little in return.

The document provided at Cardiff Students’ Union’s Annual General Meeting, suggested the NUS are not doing enough for the students, and that the Union could, in many areas, match and even improve on the benefits provided by the NUS, if it were to separate from them.

Disaffiliation would mean CUSU would be able to make use of an extra £64, 028.

Concerns Cardiff Students’ Union President, Gary Rees, claims the concerns many students have of the consequences of leaving the NUS are false.

“It is a myth that leaving NUS will lead to a rise in drinks prices. It simply won’t happen,” said Rees.

“Historically the NUSSL (the NUS purchasing consortium) was the largest in the UK, yet in the past five years its position has decreased. We are now looking to go into partnership with other unions and provide the same discounts as NUSSL, if not better.”

Southampton University took the step two years ago to separate from the NUS. They found that the variance between purchasing outside the NUSSL, compared with that of purchasing within the NUSSL was only £10, 000; considering that their affiliation fee was £70, 000, they claim their net position improved by £60,000.

The Vice-chancellor of Southampton said disaffiliation would: “make no difference either to the range or quality of services that Southampton students will enjoy in the future.”

Rees has also answered student concerns on losing the discounts available through the NUS card.

Talking to gair rhydd he emphasised that though these cards are free at the moment, there are

rumours that the NUS will charge for these cards in the future: “At NUS Annual conference this year there is a move to approve an NUS Extra Card which will replace the existing card. There will be a charge for it and it is you [the students] who will have to foot this bill.”

Discounts Rees argues that many of the discounts NUS cards provide are either out of date or are at luxury shops many students can’t afford.

“The Union has undertaken significant research into the possibility of a new card that will provide [the students] with discounts and benefits,” he said.

According to the CUSU Report this card would be free and could lead to better discounts than those provided by the NUS card.

Failures Rees also highlighted recent NUS failures.

Commenting on the recent demonstration against top-up fees in Cardiff Rees said: “This national event , and I do stress, national, tempted only 4000 students to protest about top-up fees. There was no unity and no strength.”

The NUS expenses are also a concern to Rees: “some of them are claiming over £1500 in expenses a month. The student pound is precious and they are clearly wasting your money,” he said.

“The NUS is already half a million pounds in debt so it’s NUS who need Cardiff, not Cardiff needing the NUS!” Rees assured students they would benefit from disafiliation.

“You will still receive the same support, cheap drinks and alcohol - but you would be in control,” he said.

: t e e r t s e h t n o d r Wo “I don’t really know to much about the issue, “I’m not really bothis ow th kn wi I y All . sta est we be hon ered if that we get an NUS the NUS or not. Even if ted ilia aff ’t ren card which entitles us we we to discounts. I would with the NUS you can d car a for ly app be prepared to pay for still a new card, but it which would give you the n tha ts efi ben would depend on more whether the benefits card we already have, on nts cou dis as h were as good as the suc er the cards online. current NUS card, computers, if you regist get these cards but you for pay to e hav do u since I use it quite a Yo d I know that these lot.” these extra benefits an le.” cinemas, for examp cards are accepted at Lee Eddy, science and Chemistry Jason Fish, Computer Mathematics

Disaffiliation: Yes or No? “I have friends at Universities who aren’t affiliated with the NUS. They told me that they are able to take part in competitive mudwrestling-type games, which are part of a ‘Freshers’ Challenge,’ something ntly, be perwhich would not, appare o is affiliatwh ty rsi ive Un a mitted at of insurse au ed with the NUS bec ” es. ance worri Louise Price, Medicine

Media

Page 28

February 28 2005

media@gairrhydd.co.uk

Triumphant return for Xpress Log on to www.xpressradio.co.uk to find out what it’s all about

By Laura Wootton Media Reporter and Bec Storey Media Editor

X

press Radio is back - but don’t go tuning your FM dials just yet!

While Xpress Radio returns to the airwaves on March 5 on 87.7FM you can now listen to your student radio station broadcasting live on the web at www.xpressradio.co.uk from Friday 18 February.

Xpress Radio was set up in 1994 and received a Restricted Service License (RSL) in 1996 allowing it to broadcast on FM for a few weeks a year. Since then the work of a dedicated team of students has resulted in Xpress Radio holding two temporary licenses a year.

Using the internet as another means of broadcasting, Xpress Radio are keeping themselves at the forefront of radio technology.

Internet radio is one of the fastest growing broadcast media at the moment and is becoming increasingly popular with student stations due to the difficulty in obtaining RSL licenses to enable FM broadcasts.

While you can always hear Xpress Radio’s recorded programming online, for the duration of the four weeks’ broadcast you will be hearing it live and direct from the fourth floor of the Students’ Union. By broadcasting on the internet, Xpress Radio joins many other student radio stations including Leeds, Swansea, York and Bath who all successfully broadcast via the web.

Similarly, the majority of large local and national stations also broadcast on the internet to increase their prospective audience. The BBC broadcasts all of its radio stations from their web page as do the majority of independent stations.

Xpress Radio’s website was completely revamped last summer. It is led by the station’s head of new media Tom Laithwaite to ensure that the internet streaming goes as smoothly as possible.

Just go to www.xpressradio.co.uk and click on ‘listen live’. The website also contains a wealth of information about the station including the latest

news and a guide to programmes.

The website also has an ever increasing online community via our messageboard, which is sure to grow even larger during the live broadcast.

Tom Laithwaite has worked to stream what happens in the studio across the

world while making sure that all of our broadcasting and equipment comply fully with the university’s regulations.

The amazing thing about the whole process is that it has all been built for free having been assembled by re-used equipment.

It is hoped that by broadcasting on the internet before the FM broadcast begins, more students will become aware of Xpress Radio’s presence.

By launching this broadcast twice, once for the internet and once for FM, it is expected that the student community will recognise the diversity and energy of student radio.

Promoting Xpress Radio is an important factor in its success, and being able to increase its potential audience through different forms of broadcasting will obviously contribute greatly to its success.

So, while in the past Xpress Radio has been restricted to a seven-mile radius around Cardiff, centred at the Students’ Union, it can now be listened to from anywhere in the world.

It takes a lot of hard work, time and money to obtain an RSL licence but the respect that an FM broadcast can obtain is priceless.

However, with the help of interent broadcasting Xpress Radio’s future looks better than ever.

Highlights of the broadcast include interviews from bands including Go! Team, Chikinky, Tenderfoot, The Black Velvets and the Stereophonics.

So don’t wait untill Xpress Radio goes out live on FM, go to www.xpressradio.co.uk, tune in and start listening now!

Xpress Radio profiles Name: Tom Wellingham Age: 21 Course: Business Administration, Third Year Job: Station Manager for Xpress Radio Why isn’t Xpress Radio on air all year round?

This is mainly due to the government’s regulations regarding broadcasting on FM. The licences required to do this are costly and there is little distinction between student radio stations and other professional radio stations, meaning the whole process can become expensive. Alongside this is the fact that everyone here at Xpress Radio is a student; no one gets paid to spend time here and sooner or later we all have to do some work for our degrees!

What’s new at Xpress Radio for the forthcoming broadcast?

We’ve got loads of fun things going on in the next two weeks online as well as on FM for the last two weeks of the semester. There is the chance for listeners to have Xpress Radio broadcasting live from a secret house party somewhere in Cathays to across the whole of Cardiff. We are also going back to the Taf on Tuesday February 22 for another night of acoustic live music, which is always a good way to sink a few beers with like-minded music lovers.

As well as this there’s the usual lineup of top quality daytime programmes giving away all sorts of freebies. In the evening, Xpress Radio’s specialist DJs take over the airwaves showcasing every genre of music under the sun.

Names: James Twigger, AKA Twig Adem Muzaffer, AKA Adem Course and Year: James: Business Administration Third Year Adem: History, Third Year Show Name: The T&A Show! It’s the breakfast show on Xpress Radio.

Show Information: It’s the best way to wake up on a Wednesday and Thursday morning, on from 8am till 10am.

With free giveaways, IMG updates, 'The Guru', Torquay News, 'Request line @ 9' and the chance to become one of our famous 'T&A Girls', what more could you possibly want!?

Last year we interviewed Elvis.

Since then, he's gone on to have three number one singles! If we have this effect on a dead man, can you afford to miss us?

Work experience: Twig: I've been involved with Xpress Radio for three years now. I began as head of the technical team for two

How easy is it to get involved in Xpress Radio?

It’s not as scary as many people might think! There is no need to worry about being thrown straight behind a microphone if that’s not what you’re interested in. There are lots of different departments at Xpress Radio who all work equally hard. Anyone can get involved as much or as little as they want. As there is a constant turnover of members, due to people usually only staying in Cardiff for the three years of their degree, it is vital that new members continue to come and get involved and take the station forward in the future.

Have you had a fun year in charge of Xpress Radio?

It’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made since coming to Cardiff.

There is no doubt it’s been hectic from the start of the first semester, especially being a third year student as well, but I think its gone OK. I’ve become really involved in Cardiff ’s student media in the last three years and I’d like to think I’ve helped move it forward, or at least left it in as good a condition as when I arrived! years and now I’m Finance Manager.

It’s only now in my third year that I've had the guts to do a show.

Adem: I did the training for Xpress Radio in my first year of university, but never had the chance to do a show until now.

Twig and I live together, and are both from Torquay, so it seemed like a good idea to work together. The first broadcast went great, and we're sure this one can only get better.

What are your future plans?

Show-wise we have loads of great ideas for our show this broadcast, so you will have to listen in to find out what we've got in store.

We are both graduating this year so this is our last broadcast with Xpress Radio which is very sad.

Adem: I'm planning on doing a law conversion course next year and becoming a manager in pub football.

Twig: I'm planning on hanging around Cardiff for a year, then going into accountancy or management somewhere in the near future.

Media

February 28 2005

Page 29

media@gairrhydd.com

Live on t’Internet - 87.7FM Xpress Radio launches in style with a live acoustic night

By Heather Casey Media Reporter

T

he return of Xpress Radio kicked off with an acoustic night at the Taf on Tuesday February 22.

Xpress Radio, the only student station in Cardiff, returned to the airwaves in February via www.xpressradio.co.uk It will be closely followed by the station broadcasting live across seven miles of the Welsh capital from March 4 on 87.7FM - make sure you take note of the new frequency!

The night’s entertainment kicked off at 9pm, showcasing the biggest unsigned talents from Cardiff, including groups who’ve performed across the city’s venues to home-grown student bands. The night was unmissable for Xpress Radio listeners and music fans alike.

The four bands that played were The Blims, Lights Above Cairo, Halflight and The Powder Room - an up-and-coming two piece from our very own university.

Second year students Grace and Sarah, AKA Powder Room, warmed up the show with original tracks including I’m not in Love. Grace was

on the guitar for the occasion, harmonising with Sarah who supplies the vocals.

Also featured were Halflight, a project led by Sarah Howells, who has been in bands since the age of 14.

Since leaving school she’s been involved in a showcase of British talents in New York with two other female artists before forming the three piece band.

Nominated in ITV Wales’ Popfactor for Best Newcomer, they are fresh from gigs in London and planning to venture into the northern circuit in the near future. The predomintaley Welsh band consists of acoustic and electric guitars, cello and drums, and play all original material.

Since being involved in acoustic sessions for Xpress Radio last year, Halflight have taken their alternative rock sound around Cardiff, receiving reviews such as this from The Big Issue: "written with insight and performed with a gentle passion...

Halflight prove to be a new jewel in the crown of Welsh music". Not bad for a year and a half ’s work together.

The Blims made a welcome return to the Xpress Radio event. The boys brought an acoustic guitar surfing sound to the evening. Since the Live Lounge session in November The

Blims have been busy supporting Cardiff students, entertaining us at the ‘Duck Off ’ after-protest party and the Christmas Ball.

The adventure started for The Blims in 2001, when summers of gigging ended with a reality check when they returned to the UK to make some money. November 2003 marked their first publicised credibility and recording of Death and Glory EP. The lads said: "We were very excited about returning to Cardiff University for the Xpress Radio gig.

We’ve recently written a handful of

new tunes and really enjoyed trying them out on the students at Cardiff University. We got a great response".

Station Manager Tom Wellingham summed up the evening as being a huge success and a credit to everyone at Xpress Radio: "I’ve never seen anyone dance in the Taf like that in my life".

For more information on the bands check out www.halflight.info and www.theblims.com And don’t forget to tune in to www.xpressradio.com!

The Blims: live at The Toucan club in Cardiff

Media in Brief Cardiff University’s fortnightly student magazine Quench has been nominated for an award at this year’s EMAP Fanzine Awards.

Quench is up for the most prestigious award, competing for the title of Best Student Magazine in Britain.

Quench’s rivials at Oxford University’s Isis magazine are also nominated for Best Student Magazine. They just beat Quench to the top award at the Guardian Student Media Awards last October so the competition has definitely heated up.

The awards will be held at the QUMD rooms near Piccadilly Circus, London. Along with the prestige that will come with such a title the winner will also recieve £500 - something that would come in very handy for a student publication.

Everyone at Quench and gair rhydd will be keeping their fingers crossed untill the awards are announced on March 1 2005.

Good luck, Quench!

Letters

Page 19

February 28 2005

letters@gairrhydd.com

After last issue s addition to the bilingualism debate, noone was happy Last issue’s letter entitled ‘The Welsh against Welsh’ prompted many students to write in and express their disgust.

Unfortunately, due to space restrictions we have not been able to print every letter in its entirety. To ensure that everyone has the chance to air their views, Letters Desk has selected the main arguments from each of the letters.

Mark claims that people on both sides of the argument make too much of a fuss, yet he goes on to write probably the most vitriolic antiWelsh letter I've seen yet. Any delusions of ‘neutrality’ on his part should therefore be ignored.

If we are to believe that the two languages have ‘equal status’, then they must be, well, equal. That means Welsh must be used alongside English everywhere, no matter how mundane the poster or notice in question.

Otherwise the langauages are not equal at all. They're either equal or they're not. I don't think I can make the point any clearer than that without quoting Animal Farm.

Dylan Llyr Being ‘Welsh’ is not about supporting Wales in the rugby; it’s not even about being able to speak the Welsh language. It’s about respecting that language, clearly something the author of the letter is inept of doing.

So what if 90% of the student population doesn’t read the Welsh translation, shouldn’t the remaining ten percent have the right to read it in Welsh? And do I need to remind you that you’re in Cardiff, the heart of Wales! Today, we maintain that we live in a world of democracy. People (even a minority) have the right to choose, hell, even if it’s only the right to choose to buy a Nestlé bar in the Union.

“I have nothing against the English at all – I’m actually an English student and also completely fluent in Welsh. I’m just proud of my language and proud to have the

choice whether to use it or not.

Seeing as we’re such ‘an embarrassment to modern day Wales’ for insisting on translations, I’d like to remind you that modern day Wales probably wouldn’t be here if we hadn’t fought in the past for our language. If every country in the world eradicated their own languages, the whole world would be speaking English! You’re clearly underestimating the importance of the Welsh language and its values. So next time you’re out celebrating a Welsh win in the rugby, remember these words: ‘nad Cymru fydd Cymru heb y Gymraeg’ (Wales wouldn’t be Wales without the Welsh language).

CR History Mark hasn’t been studying Welsh History recently. He claims to be a patriotic Welshman, yet he chides the Welsh language. Were he to know some things about his country’s history then he would realise that the Welsh nation survived because people spoke Welsh over the centuries. In other words, without Welsh there’d be no Wales today.

Does History Mark sing the Welsh National Anthem before his beloved rugby games? I believe the last line of the anthem says – ‘O bydded i’r heniaith barhau’ (may naught befall to mar the old language of Wales).

Does he decide to leave this line out for the sake of convenience?

Iwan Williams, MA European Studies I am a part of the ten per-cent of Welsh speaking Cardiff University students, and I do not ‘just read the Welsh simply because [I] can.’ I read the Welsh translations on posters put up in University buildings simply because I choose to do so, and simply because I believe this choice to be my basic right as a human being. I believe that it is my right to be able to speak, read and use my own language in my own country. Choosing to read the Welsh translations does not make me feel particularly ‘important’ or ‘special’. It simply makes me feel like a human being who reserves this basic right to choose.

The Welsh language is an essential part of my identity, a basic part of

who I am, and derogatory comments can never change that. I do not believe that my ability to speak the Welsh language makes me any better or any worse a person than any other non Welsh-speaking students, it just makes me different.

Annes Wyn, third year Welsh The Welsh language and its culture are mutually dependent; one could not survive without the other.

The culture is also as rich as any other; volumes of ancient myths, poems (some dating from the time of Beowulf and still perfectly readable), a thriving music scene, hundreds of novels of astounding quality, and all actively enjoyed from day to day by the Welsh speaking population.

Imagine if I were to call for the death of the English language: all the culture that would be lost.

Shakespeare, Larkin, a thousand years of history down the drain. It is a horrifying thought. But it is a doom I worry about every day as a Welsh speaker, because this is in danger of happening to my language and culture in the years to come. Convincing the Welsh language-hating Marks of this world that it needs saving is one step towards ensuring its survival.

Country borders don’t define our identities; our identities are defined much more by the culture we live in.

Mark may have given a ‘drunken scream’ when Wales defeated England, but what in God’s name has supporting one team against the other got to do with a language and culture? He is part of a different culture to Cardiff ’s Welsh speaking population, a culture ironically almost identical to that of the English he glorifies in beating. We respect your culture and you should respect ours.

Mark’s closing statement was bigotry. it would have been deemed unacceptable if it were aimed at any other minority culture. It’s a sad state of affairs when such hate towards the Welsh language culture can be aired openly with little protest. The United Nations now acknowledges the killing of a language as a form of genocide. Would such comments about other forms of genocide be suitable in our society?

Letters Desk is pleased to give the Letter of the Week writer a pair of tickets to see a film of their choice at Ster Cinemas.

They will be available from the fourth floor of the Union.

Dear gair rhydd, Will somebody please explain to the sabbatical officers that the true value of the NUS lies not in whether or not we have to hand

over a tenner before we can get a discount card. It's about maintaining a strong unified voice for students that has real political clout and lobbying power. If individual student unions begin disaffiliating, then the voice of students within political circles becomes fragmented and diminished.

The NUS is needed to ensure that when students speak to politi-

Letters Desk sends its sincerest apologies for having to cut down Letters this week - they were all so good we felt that it would only be fair to include everyone s opinions. Perri

Eek... controversial!

Dear gair rhydd, At the risk of sounding controversial, the date-rape epidemic in Cardiff is a load of rubbish. Just because a group of people who can't handle their drink get smashed in Liquid and then do something stupid on their way home doesn't mean they've been drugged. It's a sorry excuse for not knowing your limit. Anyway don't be so egotistical, most of you aren't worth drugging. The whole issue's started to sound like an episode of Brass Eye. In fact, maybe that's what we need, so people will stop going ape-shit about a few self-pitying hypochondriacs abusing a serious issue and using it as a sign of desirability.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I'm very sure a lot of people have been crying wolf. It's not easy to drug someone in a club. Try inconspicuously slipping a pill into a bottle being held by your victim while they're surrounded by a group of friends. It's not easy; in fact it's darn right impossible. If you buy them a drink it's a lot easier of course, but then it's obvious who did it. And should they be accepting drinks off shady looking individuals anyway?

Isn't there a hint of culpability on the victim's side?

And for those of you who've considered resorting to Rohypnotism, there's no reason to waste your money on drugs because there are enough inebriates out there for everyone.

J. Ripper, third year

text

Jenny Longbottom, College President of Medicine, Biology, Life and Health Sciences responds: While this letter makes some valid points, there are a couple of points that should be corrected.

Students should be aware that it is not impossible to spike someone’s drink. Another little known fact is that the most commonly used drug to spike drinks is alcohol. The author makes a good point that it’s not a good idea to accept a drink off a stranger, especially not a “shady looking” one. If you do go out and feel unwell, or drunker than you expect, then get a taxi home with some mates.

Please email your letters to

letters@gairrhydd.com

corrections and clarifications In issue 780, reporter David Menon’s name was spelled wrong. The News editors apologise.

Please note that, like all gair rhydd and Quench sections, the Letters page has a new email address.

We will endeavour to print anything that we think is worthwhile, but please remember that we do have space restrictions and some standards of decency. Please also note that the views expressed in these letters are not necessarily the views of Letters Desk or gair rhydd.

07791165837

Ifan, third year Journalism

letter of the week An NUS card offers more than just discounts

The gair rhydd letters page

cians, we all speak together.

Disaffiliating from the NUS would be disastrous.

Phil Dore, first year Nursing student The debate rages on. To see both sides of the argument turn to gair rhydd’s NUS special on pages 26 and 27.

Alex. Please shower.

Lots of love from k7. Ping pong pussay

for god s sake get some new crosswords. im bored!

what s an apostraphe ? because i know what an APOSTROPHE is but the person so obviouslty hot on spelling and grammar has just confused me

hey where s the english taf od gone? so much for the bilingual crap

why do we never get the results of the caption cpmp? is it just for 5 min fun editor s personal enjoyment? answers in the following issue please

hello people and planet. i, eating a kit kat. it tastes lovely. yum yum Lucy is a dirty stopout!!!!!!! my name is yaden lavender. and im a baker

Five Minute Fun

Page 32

February 28 2005

fiveminutefun@gairrhydd.com

E: Elton John

?

3. ‘I should’ve been a plumber’

The Big Quiz*

A: B: C: D: E:

*or, who said what?

George W. Bush Brooke Shields Bill Gates Alber t Einstein Elton John

‘He said what?!...’

Hurrah! The fabulous caption competition.

Answers on the back of an email to the shiny new address.

4. ‘They misunderestimated me’

A: B: C: D: E:

A: B: C: D: E:

George W. Bush Brooke Shields Bill Gates Alber t Einstein Elton John

2. ‘If you can’t make it good, make it look good’ A: B: C: D:

George W. Bush Brooke Shields Bill Gates Alber t Einstein

George W. Bush Brooke Shields Bill Gates Alber t Einstein Elton John

5. ‘I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practises that they choose; they should draw the line at goats though’ A: B: C: D: E:

George W. Bush Brooke Shields Bill Gates Alber t Einstein Elton John

Annsummers: 1.B, 2.C, 3.D, 4.A, 5.E

1. ‘If you’re killed, you’ve lost a ver y impor tant par t of your life’

Win two meals for one at The Dalchini, Fine Indian Cuisine Restaurant.

Two meals with rice Name: With any luck, this is my penultimate week as Five Minute Fun Editor - although that might just be wishful thinking. Just kidding, I love this page more then I love life itself. It’s the reason I get up smiling manically every day.

As I write this, the gair rhydd mafia are enticing fresh blood into the office with the promise of cake and beautiful naked people. Well done to Jenny Nosurname who is the winner of this week’s crossword competition. If she were a fruit she would be ‘a banana because the online fruit quiz said so’ and ‘lemons are my natural enemy’. Peace out,

Sarah in the (virtually impossible) event of a tie . . .

If I were a shoe I’d be a . . .

_____________________________________________ Email: _____________________________________________ Tie Breaker : _____________________________________________ To claim your free meal, bring the completed crossword up to

Award-Winning Television

February 28 2005

Page 33

instantnotoriety@taf-od.co.uk

This week’s nibbles of the TV noggin Feb 28 - March 7

Torture this man (please) There’s lots of torture on the gagglebox this week. None involves Kilroy

HOT

MONTREAL: Home of both TV John’s faves The Arcade Fire, and Katie’s luvvies The Dears. Both clever bands made up of both sexes who can speak more than one language, I presume. It is also in Canada, which, as always, is a bonus.

SOAPS Since there was no gair rhydd last week, we missed telling you about the demise of Dirty Den. Pretty much everyone watched that episode last Friday. This week, ‘everyone is going mental’ over the disappearance of Den and the death of evil Andy. Clearly the ‘who killed Den’ plot is going to be dragged out for the next few weeks.

Zoe is framed for the murder (but as we all know, it was Chrissy) but do you think she’ll worm her way out of it? Of course. The Slaters always stick together so they’ll probably bump Den’s wife off in the next few weeks.

In Hollyoaks, Justin is going to try it on with Becca. These affairs give us teachers a bad name.

Bombhead and Lee are sorting out a bachelor pad together and Lee’s parents are getting back together.

Great.

Is Torture a Good Idea? is the staggeringly stupid question that Channel 4 (Thursday 2.10am) are putting to us, the public this week, to which we politely nod and say “oh yes, course it is.” People who make torture a very good idea include: Linda Barker, Boyd from Neighbours, The “Crazy” Frog, Wayne Rooney and Alex Ferguson (collectively) Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn (for historical purposes), Pete Doherty (smell the syringe you fucker!) Jude Law, Tony Benn, Steven Hawkins (just to see when, exactly, he’d crack) and Sooty (talk you prick). Let’s see how many of the TV desk hot-list are used as evidence in this supposedly hard hitting documentary. Next please.

After last week’s shambles of a gair rhydd (in that there wasn’t one) we’ve come back

Digital Watch Yet More Curb Crawling Wow, just for a change, TV John though it’d be a good thing to discuss the genius of Curb Your Enthusiasm (BBC4 11pm Thursday) as it’s absolutely brilliant. But no, I’ll just use a picture of Larry David because he looks hilarious, and instead harp on about Celebrity Fame Academy (BBC3, most nights this week) which features Edith Bowman and Reggie from Smile on BBC, neither of which are worthy of pictorial evidence of how repulsively pukeworthy their respective faces are. Words cannot possibly describe how little us here at TV desk want to hear what the Scottish Scum-guzzler herself sounds like, or even what Reggie from Smile on BBC even IS, but, well, there’s only one way to find out. If Jo Brand and whatsherface Ruby Wax can dress up as the Cheeky Girls, then let’s all kill ourselves before they decide to re-run the whole horrible idea. Urrrrgh.

But then, you could be watching repeats of Two Pints of Lager, so for once, we’ll let you off, because you could be doing a lot, lot, lot, lot worse. Can I go home now?

with a plethora of witty comments for your TV guide eyes. To stick with the Tory way of thinking, that is, change is bad, my first pick for this week has to be Desperate Housewives (Wednesday,C4, 10pm) simply becuase I can’t get enough of the randy wenches. With people dying all over the place and the intrigue of a cleverly disguised plot, it’s surely the best TV show of the year so far, and probably of the year. If you haven’t caught the bug, I urge you to become infected because it’s pleasure all the way. My second pick for the week, sadly because I’m a history student, is Horizon (Thursday, BBC2, 9pm).

Ignore the tempatation of beer for

just one night (even if it is the best night at Metros) and engage your vaguely intellectual side. The show is about Peru and how it was left perfectly preserved. ‘Why?’ I hear you ask. Well tune in to find out Willy here. Before we carry on I must point out that TV Manners (above) is NOT a History student.

He’s a history teacher. which by all accounts makes him an old duffer with elbow patches.

Anyway, TV Willy has been diligently ploughing through the channels this week to conclude that there is nothing, NOTHING of any worth being shown on our TV screens (aside from the ubiquitous Housewives and The Simpsons, of course). The majority of British programming seems to consist of Jamie Oliver teaching kids that rather than deal drugs they should fry cabbages and Caroline Quentin starring in a light-hearted drama about a single mother who, against the odds, falls in love with her brickie who is also the father of her adopted son’s sister -in-law.

I despair. Anyway, send your pitches to TV Willy, and I will endeavour to pass them onto my friends at the Beeb and those nice chaps at ITV. In the meantime I suggest buying the Complete Black Books, Seinfeld Series 1-3, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Family Guy. That oughtta quell and appetites hot top class comedy.

Right, it’s 3am, I want to go to bed and I didn’t get any pizza. Piss off.

Yours, as ever, TV Willy xx

DVDS TO RENT/BUY BRiDGET JONES 2: THE EDGE OF REASON The kind of film likely to be defended by your girlfriend (or at least mine) as just a bit of fun. Well girls, bad news, it’s a load of cack. Of course I wasn’t going to insult my intelligence and actually go and watch the thing, so these views are founded purely on my own ignorance, and the views of one Jonathan Ross.

So basically guys, this is what happens.

1. Bridget wears some “hilarious” big pants (again), much to the embarrassment of Zellwegger and the “amusement” of everyone else. Arse.

2. Colin Firth and Hugh Grant have a girly fight (again), much to the embarrassment of Zellwegger and the “amusement” of everyone else.

3. Renee Zellwegger mangles the English accent, much to the embarrassment of Zellwegger and the “amusement” of everyone else.

I think that’s about it.

NOT

LONDON: Quoteth TV John: “ Full of filthy drainc o v e r shagging litter-dropping , wank-faced bum-huggers who wouldn’t know reality from a kick up the poop-chute if an islington tramp came up and busked it to them. And so forth.”

SPORT II would include something about the rugby this week but it instills such ridiculous nationalism (you know who you are), bordering on racism, that it’s not worth bothering about. So this week, come and watch the obligatory TV Desk Grand Pool Tournament (Thursday, Games Room, 6-7pm).

FILMS What a week for film! Thursday night is the one to stay in for.

Groundhog Day (Thursday, five, 8pm) is one of the best films ever made (as dubbed by TV Desk) closely followed by the totally under-rated Frequency (Thursday, C4, 10pm). TV Desk orders you to stay in to watch these films. You’ll like us more if you do.

RADIO The joys of radio are often neglected and it’s my job to change that. The nectar for your ears this week includes (Saturday, BBC Radio 2, 1.30pm). The second piece of radio to tantalise your senses is Gold (Wednesday, BBC Radio 4, 9pm). It’s a cross between Time Team and Challenge Anneka involving a ‘crack team of prospectors and scientists’ who have to find five pieces of gold in a day. In Scotland. Whilst it’s raining. Now I know the allure of Jamie’s School Dinners might be too great but you know want to see if it’s really as good as Challenge Anneka. If there is any gold in Scotland surely it’s been wasted away by the drunks in Glasgow on cheap nasty whiskey. And no I’m not stereotyping because I’ve seen them. One tried to trip me up on some steps once.

Monday

Page 34

February 28 - March 6 2005

formula1theme@tvwilly.com

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229972

19.00 7 o'Clock News 19.30 Little Angels 20.00 Trauma Razorlight, Rooster, Vanilla (mm am an aaa), The Others, Feeder, Keane (too easy).

20.30 EastEnders Revealed 21.00 Just A Domestic? Starring Bryan McFadden and Kerry Katona.

22.00 EastEnders The Wurzels, Tupac Shakur, John Wayne, Xzibit, The Outlaw Josie Wales, Starbucks, Hawaii, Back to the Future 3, Best Western Hotels, Woody Guthrie.

22.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 23.00 Ideal 23.30 Destination Three 23.35 Little Britain 24.10 Farscape 01.00 God, the Devil and Bob 01.30 Bum It A sponge (maybe Spongebob Squarepants - he’s gay, innit), an exhaust, a spacehopper, Sports Desk, Gary Andrews and finally (he’d like it) Elgan ‘Taf Od’ Iorwerth. Yee-har.

02.05 Just A Domestic? Leslie Ash and Lee Chapman.

03.00 The Bachelor Colin Farrell.

04.00 Close

6.00 GMTV2 9.25 3rd Rock from the Sun. 9.55 3rd Rock from the Sun. 10.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11.10 Judge Judy.

12.30 Coronation Street. Katy is tormented by suspicion - will Tommy's dream come true?

1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 Emmerdale's Greatest Love Triangles Featuring Zach Dingle and the Gallagher brothers.

2.00 Trisha. 4.10 The John Walsh Show 5.00 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.45 Judge Judy.

7.00 3rd Rock from the Sun 7.30 3rd Rock from the Sun. 8.00 Planet's Funniest Animals William Hague.

8.30 House of Horrors Any owned by a Cardiff student landlord.

9.00 FILM: Another 48 Hrs Get on with it.

10.55 Coronation Street Tommy turns Kevin's world upside down as he continues his onslaught against Martin.

Australia is now next to Bettabuys. 11.25 Coronation Street 11.55 The Frank Skinner Show 0.50 3rd Rock from the Sun

19.00 Broadway: The American Musical There’s a road going into Manchester from Oldham called Briadway. Suffice to say it ISN’T home to many world class musicals.

20.00 The World Featuring Mark. E. Smith and Yogi Bear 20.30 Ted Rall - Cartoonists on the Front Line: Profile 21.00 Mind Games Which almost certianly doesn’t include rugby. it being a sport for those with no brains and all. Ditto football matches played at Old Trafford (spit).

21.30 Joseph Beuys and Me 22.00 Broadway: The American Musical 23.00 Film: "George White's Scandals" Much better than the sequel: Jack White’s Sandals.

24.30 The Atheism Tapes Featuring Arthur Miller, who apparently is a right legend. i wouldn’t know as I can’t read.

01.00 Review of the Year 02.00 Joseph Beuys and Me 02.30 Ted Rall - Cartoonists on the Front Line: Profile Featuring Michale Portillo, who, the last I heard, was losing an election to a monkey giving away free bananas. I may be wrong.

1.30pm ITV2

2:00 Without A Trace 3:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks Sally (Katherine Dow Blyton) is in turmoil: should she move to Norwich with Les (John Graham Davies) or stay at home with the kids? Lee (Alex Carter) is downbeat and Lisa (Gemma Atkinson) has her own problems, but they both give their mum their blessing to move away. To go to frigging Norwich?

Fuck that for a bag of beans.

5:00 Friends 5:30 Friends 6:00 Smallville: Superman the Early Years 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Switched 8:00 Friends 8:30 Friends 9:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 10:00 Fool Around With My Boyfriend 10:30 Nathan Barley Or, as my foolish housemate would say “the worst piece of shit he’s ever seen”.

11:00 Queer As Folk I think this is by Paul Abbot. even if it wasn’t it would still be super great.

06.00 Softies 06.05 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 06.30 Franny's Feet 06.40 The Clangers 06.50 Sailor Sid 06.55 Hi-5 07.30 Old Bear Stories Old Bear and his friends think they have found a hoard of buried treasure, but then end up playing tiddlywinks! Filthy buggers. 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 The Book of Pooh 08.30 Elmo's World 08.45 Aussie Antics Featuring Germaine Greer and Nick Cave who engage in a saucy game of strip Halo 2 on the X-Box. 08.50 MechaNick 09.00 The Wright Stuff With Shaun WrightPhillips. The legend that is.

10.00 Film: "The Cheap Detective" Dennis Waterman.

11.50 The Wright Stuff Extra 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs The Nevilles.

13.35 BrainTeaser How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

14.35 Trisha Goddard Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive them both up from Surrey. 15.35 Film: "Three on a Match" Me and the Olsen Twins. Pnaaaar.

(1987, Crime) 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.15 Hollywood's Greatest Action Special Effects 20.00 Megastructures (Channel Tunnel) 21.00 The Bitchiest Ever TV Moments 23.05 Joey Gash sub-wank from the creators of Fur-Ends.

23.35 That's So Last Week 24.05 Celebrities Uncensored 24.30 Alias 01.10 NBA Action 01.35 Now Is the Time: 02.25 US PGA Golf

PRIMETIME

M

E

T

I

M

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5:50am Angela Ananconda 6:10am The Hoobs6:35am The Hoobs: Waking Up If the sun gets up later then the Hoobs get up later. So how can a Hoob wake up before the sun?

One of the unsolved mysteries of life I’m afraid.

7:00 B4 7:30 Friends 8:00 Every Loves Raymond 8:30 The King Of Queens Sean Connery.

8:55 Will & Grace 9:25 Open All Hours Christina Aguilera.

9:30 Men Of Iron James Dreyfuss and Wayne Sleep.

10:20 Tate Modern 10:25 National Gallery 10:30Design 4 Life 10:45 The Theory of Everything Part 18: How to seduce school girls with TV Manners 11:35 Engineering At The Cutting Edge 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 What’s In A Word 12:50 Sword Of Sherwood Forest 2:15 Other People’s Houses Don’t smell of wee.

That’s just yours Widdop. 3:15 Countdown 4:00 A Place In The Sun 5:00 Richard and Judy 6:00 The Simpsons Giggity giggity giggity.

6:30 Hollyoaks I told TV Grace that Dale Winton had been nominated for an Emmy. She believed me.

The poor girl has got a lot to learn.

7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder 8:00 Is Torture A Good Idea? Depends if one is the tortured or the torturer.

Muwhah.

9:00 Bodyshock: When Anathesiaaisahihdsasoi Fails Or: When TV Willy’s spelling fails.

10:00 ER: A Shot in the Dark 11:05 Torture The Guantanemo (insert missing word) Channel 4 has certainly gone a bit sadomasochistic this evening.

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6.00 GMTV. 6.00 GMTV News Hour 7.00 GMTV Today 8.35 LK Today 9.25 Trisha.

10.30 This Morning. Including 10.50 ITV News Headlines, Local News and Weather. 11.55 ITV News Headlines.

12.30 ITV Lunchtime News 1.00 Everything Must Go Clayton Riches and Jamie Breese help people sell their unwanted items. Like their Grandmothers 2.00 I Want That House 2.30 Boot Sale Treasure Hunt 3.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 3.15 Thomas and Friends 3.25 Fun Song Factory Featuring Godspeed You Black Emperor! 3.35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3.45 SpongeBob SquarePants Spongebob? Gay mate. 4.00 Atomic Betty 4.30 My Parents Are Aliens5.00 Today with Des and Mel 6.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale.

7.30 Coronation Street.

8.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald.

8.30 Coronation Street.

9.00 Wire in the Blood Bad Seed. And presumably Nick Cave?

10.30 ITV News 11.00 On the Edge 11.30 Never to be Forgotten Christopher Reeve. 0.00 Champions League Weekly.

0.30 The Killers in Profile Here’s a quick profile: shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

1.00 Trisha. 1.50 Today with Des and Mel 2.40 Moving Day 3.05 Entertainment Now! 3.30 Tonight with Trevor McDonald.

4.00 ITV Nightscreen.

5.30 ITV Early Morning News Ladies and gentlemen, let’s take this gap in the lisitngs to welcome TV Grace.

Emmerdale Love Triangles

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6:00am: CBBC: Rotten Ralph 6:25 The Silver Brumby 6:50 Tom 7:15 Eureka TV 7:30 So Little Time 7:55 Newsround 8:00 CBeebies: Big Cook Little Cook 8:20 Tots TV 8:30 Bobinogs 8:40 Pablo the Little Red Fox 8:45 The Koala Brothers 9:00 Tweenies 9:20 Razzledazzle 9:40 Fimbles 10:00 Fireman Sam 10:10 Andy Pandy Andi Peters?

10:15 64 Zoo Lane The Story of Gary's Best Friend. His left hand? 10:30 Look and Read.

10:50 Look and Read Grace smells. 11:10 Look and Read.

11:30 Look and Read 11:50 Look and Read 12:10pm: Revisewise Shorts. Maths Tests 12:20 Trade Secrets 12:30 Working Lunch 1:00 Watch. Barnaby Bear - Mexico City Presumably Barnaby gets kidnapped and then rescued by ex-marine Denzel Washington.

1:15 Watch. Toys with Magic Grandad - 1960s Toys 1:35 FILM: Dark Waters. (1944) A night on the town with TV Manners and his extreme fetishes. 3:00 Castle in the Country 3:30 Flog It! 4:30 Ready Steady Cook 5:15 Weakest Link.

6:00 Animal Hospital 6:30 Masterchef Goes Large Presumably Lloyd sees a team of young footballers.

7:00 Homeground Starring Ron Davies.

8:00 Rick Stein's Food Heroes Rik Waller?

8:30 University Challenge.

9:00 Around the World in 80 Treasures 10:00 Look around You 11:20 Imagine... Arthur Miller: 12:30am: Joins BBC News 24.

1:00 BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel 2:00 Make German Your Business 1 and 2. Guide to using German

Pablo The Fox BBC2 8.40m

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PRIMETIME

6:00 Breakfast 9:15 Britain's Streets of Vice 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Houses Behaving Badly 11:30 Car Booty 12:15 Bargain Hunt 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Murder, She Wrote Ballad for a Blue Lady. The words ‘blue’ and ‘Angela Lansbury’ ought to have never been uttered in the same sentence.

Shame on you BBC1 listing compilers. 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBeebies: Clifford the Big Red Dog Animated series following the exploits of a big red dog. No shit Shakespeare. 3:40 CBBC: Stuart Little 4:00 Looney Tunes 4:05 The Scooby-Doo Show The Ghost That Stole the Quarterback. Isn’t this the premise of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective? 4:30 Grange Hill 5:00 Blue Peter 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours Susan tries to make Janelle change her mind about Stingray. You’re right Mrs. K., Captain Scarlet was obviously superior.

6:00 BBC News 6:30 Regional News 7:00 Watchdog Never boils.

7:30 Inside Out Manchester United’s defence next week against AC Milano.

8:00 EastEnders 8:30 Ground Force 9:00 Faith 10:00 BBC News 10:30 Regional News 10:35 Faith 11:20 Comedy Connections 11:50 Film 2005 12:20am: FILM: The Emerald Foreste 'Invisible People' 2:15 Sign Zone: Natural World Is it wrong that I got into a heated debate with my housemate for claiming ‘Hitch’ looked really good (him not me)

PRIMETIME

Your Union

029 20229972

Atomic Betty ITV1 4pm

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BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

07.00 Seven Year Makeover Jade Goody is in about Year 9 and still looks like a Doc Marten boot. 07.30 Our Home 08.00 Bargain Hunt 08.30 Bargain Hunt 09.00 Changing Rooms 09.30 Changing Rooms 10.00 Home Front 11.00 Passport to the Sun 11.30 Perfect Properties 12.00 Homes under the Hammer 13.00 Flog It! 14.00 Get a New Life 15.00 Streetcombers 15.30 Room Rivals 16.00 Antiques Roadshow 17.00 Flog It! 18.00 What Not to Wear 18.30 Who Do You Think You Are? Tom Baker?

19.00 Passport to the Sun 19.30 Perfect Properties 20.00 Homes under the Hammer 21.00 Changing Rooms 21.30 Changing Rooms 22.00 What Not to Wear 22.30 Who Do You Think You Are? Gyles Brandreth.

23.00 Home Front 24.00 Real Rooms 24.30 Real Rooms 01.00 Ready Steady Cook 02.00 Changing Rooms 02.30 Changing Rooms

Tuesday

February 28 - March 6 2005

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6.00 GMTV2 9.25 3rd Rock from the Sun 9.55 3rd Rock from the Sun It’s Earth if you hadn’t already guessed. Not the funniest premise for a show you have to agree. 10.20 Sally Jessy Raphael. 11.15 Judge Judy 13.00 Emmerdale 13.30 Airline 14.00 Trisha 15.05 Trisha 16.05 The John Walsh Show 16.55 Sally Jessy Raphael 17.45 Judge Judy 19.00 3rd Rock from the Sun 19.30 3rd Rock from the Sun 20.00 Emmerdale Special: Farewell Charity As part of her farewell she fucks each and every member of the cast. In the arse. With a marrow. Compulsive viewing.

21.00 FILM: Mission: Impossible II (2000) Getting out of the gr offices before the clock strikes 3am. 23.20 World's Scariest Police Shootouts 2 0.20 3rd Rock from the Sun 0.50 3rd Rock from the Sun 01.15 Late Show with David Letterman 02.00 The John Walsh Show The John Widdup Show could be a lot more interesting. 02.40 Teleshopping 04.40 ITV2 Nightscreen 05.10 Late Show with David Letterman

19.00 Mediterranean Tales 19.10 Civilisation 20.00 The World Pretty big, round-ish and full of idiots. 20.30 David Attenborough Talks To Mark Lawson And who the fuck is Mark Lawson? About as famous as me. 21.00 Europe: A Natural History 21.50 Time Shift: Conchies: Questions of Conscience 22.30 The Desk Finally, TV Desk gets the airtime it deserves. An entire show dedicated to the stirling work we do to bring this tragic genius to you.

23.00 Guyana: Trouble in Paradise 23.30 Last Roar of the Taiga 0.30 Europe: A Natural History 01.20 Time Shift: Conchies: Questions of Conscience If you could kick the Pope up the arse without any reprecussions would you? Or would you push him onto his back to see if could get up or remain feeble like a woodlouse?

02.00 Choir of the Year 03.30 David Attenborough Talks To Mark Lawson Again I Ask, who are you? 04.00 Close I’m starting the campaign to get rid of BBC4. Even that bloody S4C would be better than this.

Actually I don’t mean that.

14:00 Without A Trace The disappearance of Tafod has baffled the entire office and the Police.

If you’re out there then call home. 15:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 16:00 Switched 16:30 Hollyoaks 17:00 Friends 17:30 Friends 18:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 19:00 Hollyoaks The student teacher relations give me a bad name. 19:30 Switched 20:00 Friends 20:30 Friends 21:00 The O.C. This show is good enough to make my juices flow.

Brand new epsode tonight is well worth watching (one of only three shows in the entire week).

22:00 Fool Around... With My Boyfriend 22:30 Bo’ Selecta!

23:00 Shameless A firm TV favourite especially since TV WIl had the dvds for Valentine’s Day. I had a curry. 0:05 Curb Your Enthusiasm 0:40 The O.C. 13:30 Without A Trace 02:25 Bo’ Selecta! 02:50 Curb Your Enthusaism I don’t need to. TV John is pissed and has just admitted that he can’t see the keyboard. Comic relief. 03:20 Fool Around...With My Boyfriend 03:50 Close

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6.00 Softies 6.05 Jay Jay the Jet Plane And what ever happened to Jimbo? Clearly, my childhood programmes were infinately better than the tat on TV at the moment. 6.30 Franny's Feet Richard’s willy, Brum’s arse. 6.40 The Clangers 6.50 Sailor Sid 6.55 Hi-5 7.30 Old Bear Stories 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 The Book of Pooh 8.30 Elmo's World 8.45 Aussie Antics 8.50 MechaNick 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.00 FILM: A Family in Crisis: The Elian Gonzalez Story (2000) 11.50 The Wright Stuff Extra 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs 13.35 BrainTeaser 14.35 Trisha Goddard 15.40 FILM: Navigating the Heart (1999) 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away The last time I watched this Pippa’s husband was eaten by a shark. So now you know.

18.30 Family Affairs Never watched it but clearly a poor man’s Neighbours 19.00 Talk to Charles Kennedy Oh for fucks sake they’re all at it now. Michael Howard is appearing with the Count on Sesame Street. ‘One illegal immigrant, ah ah ah’. Cunt.

20.00 Search for the Lost Fighter Bombers Have you checked your pockets?

21.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 22.00 CSI: Miami 22.55 Death Scene Investigators 23.55 The Dead Zone Tafod, Leslie Ash and the Pope. 0.50 NBA Basketball Game of the Week 03.20 NASCAR Busch Series 04.10 Motorsport Mundial 04.35 Boxing Fight of the Week Classic Sport vs News in a fight to the death.

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6:00 Insektors 6:10 The Hoobs 6:35 The Hoobs 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends 8:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25 The King Of Queens Graham Norton 8:55 Will & Grace 9:20 Supporting Acts 9:30 Men Of Iron 10:20 Tate Modern (1966) 10:25 National Gallery 10:30 Do Fish Fart? Do sharks swim? Do bears shit in the woods? Do indie kids smell? Obvious answers to lifes key questions. 10:55 Design 4 Life: The Colour Of Emotion 11:10 Real Science 11:35 Engineering At The Cutting Edge: Body Parts 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Watercooler Wisdom 12:35 Blanche Fury (1948) 14:15 Other People’s Houses 15:15 Countdown 16:00 A Place In The Sun 17:00 Richard & Judy 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder: Shopping For Religion Crosses, bread, wine, condoms, vestments, sweets, petrol, The Bible, flowers, water, aspade, coffins and matches.

20:00 Location, Location, Location 20:30 Nigel’s Place In France 21:00 Brat Camp 22:00 Shameless 23:10 Torture: The Dirty Business gr have decided that the Chinese method of tying a prisoner to a chair or table and allowing a bamboo tree to grow through them pretty much tops the bill for ‘Top 100 Methods of Torture’. Sure to be primetime next weekend. 0:10 The Boys From Brazil (1978) 02:30 Torture: The Guantanamo Guidebook 03:20 Bus 44 03:35 Spoilt Kids Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz Beckham 04:00 4Learning 6:00 Close

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6.00 GMTV 6.00 GMTV News 7.00 GMTV Today: Eamonn Holmes and Fiona Phillips 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 13.00 Everything Must Go 14.00 I Want That House Editor Gary’s house somewhere in Cardiff (he wouldn’t disclose it to the paper).

14.30 Boot Sale Treasure Hunt 15.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 15.15 Thomas and Friends Peter, Paul, Fred, George, Arty, Monty, Andy, Jon. 15.25 Tractor Tom 15.35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series Dead Cat They’re really scraping the barrel now. A cartoon abot a dead cat. Episode One - the death, Episode Two, riga mortis sets in, Episode Three - the maggots take over. 15.45 SpongeBob SquarePants 16.00 Art Attack 16.25 My Parents Are Aliens Brooklyn Beckham talks candidly about his home life. 17.00 Today with Des and Mel 18.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 18.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 19.00 Emmerdale 20.00 Celebrity Fit Club Rik Waller, Ice Cube, Lisa Riley, Dawn French, Renne Zellweger, Princess Diana and Bizarre.

21.00 To Kill and Kill Again: Dr Shipman 22.30 ITV News 23.00 FILM: US Marshals (1998) 01.20 The District 02.10 Trisha Stop showing repeats when she’s on five too!

03.00 Today with Des and Mel 03.55 ITV Nightscreen 05.30 ITV Early Morning News My Chemical Romance can do no wrong at the moment and yet i still haven’t seen them live! If you’re reading, send me tickets to any show. Now. Please.

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PRIMETIME

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19.00 The 7 O'Clock News on BBC Three 19.30 Trauma Watching gayporn for the first time. 20.00 EastEnders Revealed 20.30 Little Angels 21.00 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 21.30 High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman You know Shirley Ghostman, dead mate. 22.00 EastEnders 23.00 Ideal 23.30 Destination Three Doyle’s aim for the night.

And my housemate Mark’s.

23.35 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 0.10 Farscape 01.00 God, the Devil and Bob This was first show years ago.

My god, a show actually worth watching on BBC3. Thankfully it’s not bloody Little United Kingdom.

01.30 Burn It Paper, Tafod, Doyle’s cds, money, Editor Gary’s hair and last week’s gair rhydd.

02.05 Ideal 02.35 High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman 03.05 The Brothel 03.35 The Brothel There seems to be a theme running between BBC3 and BBC4, they’re both resorting to pornogrgaphic shows to try and boost the ratings. A show about a brothel at this time? Not a hope in hell of working. Losers. 04.05 Close

6:00 CBBC: Rotten Ralph 6:25 The Silver Brum 6:50 Tom 7:15 Animal Arc 7:30 Yvon of the Yukon 7:55 Newsround 8:00 CBeebies: Big Cook Little Cook 8:20 Tots TV 8:30 Bobinogs 8:40 Pablo, the Little Red Fox With the result of the hunting ‘ban’, Pablo isn’t going to last long. He’ll be dug out, shot and ripped apart by dogs. 8:45 The Koala Brothers 9:00 Tweenies 9:20 Razzledazzle 9:40 Fimbles 10:00 Fireman Sam 10:10 Andy Pandy 10:15 64 Zoo Lane 10:30 Starship 10:50 Words and Pictures Plus gratuitous porn. It’s fun so see just how many pornographic references I can include in a sigle page of TV goodness. 11:05 Maths Challenge 11:20 Trade Secrets 11:30 The Daily Politics 12:30p Working Lunch 13:00 Science Clips 13:10 Science Clips 13:20 Science Clips 13:30 FILM: Moonrise (1948) 15:00 Castle in the Country 15:30 Flog It! It’s only a matter of time before someone sells their soul on Ebay. 16:30 Ready Steady Cook 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 Animal Hospital 18:30 Masterchef Goes Large 19:00 The Good Life Staying up until 3am finishing off the TV Guide.

19:30 Nation on Film 20:00 Match of the Day Live: FA Cup Fifth Round Replay Sheffield Utd v Arsenal 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 Desi DNA 23:50 FILM: Touch Me (1997) Doyle has these words immortalised in a gold chain around his sexually predatory neck in order to entice his prey. 01:30am: Joins BBC News 24 02:00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: Revisewise at School: Maths 1 And relax.

Wait. Ok now relax.

The Dead Zone five 11.55pm

Your Union

6:00 Breakfast 9:15 Britain's Streets of Vice 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Houses Behaving Badly C’mon, what are you actually going to do if a house goes on a murderous rampage? Shout at it? Beat it? Karate chop it do pieces?

No. You’ll get squashed. 11:30 Car Booty Looking into the new range of cars with arses like that fucking annoying ‘I see you baby’ advert. 12:15 Bargain Hunt Killing foxes on a budget.

13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:40 Neighbours 14:05 Doctors 14:35 Murder, She Wrote 15:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:25 CBeebies: Clifford the Big Red Dog 15:40 CBBC: Stuart Little 16:00 Planet Cook Roger Cook finally becomes King of the Universe and installs dodgy CCTV cameras in every house across the land so he can watch us all and then follow us demanding answers to insignificant questions 16:20 BB3B 16:45 The Story of Tracy Beaker 17:00 Serious Arctic 17:25 Newsround 17:35 Neighbours 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes; Weather 19:00 EastEnders 20:00 Holby City 21:00 You Be the Judge 22:00 BBC News 22:30 Regional News and Weather 22:35 You Be the Judge Editor Gary has dropped his pants, unfortunately taking it that little too far.

23:05 Soldier, Husband, Daughter, Dad Biographies of Sean Bean, Robson Green, Jerome Flinn. 23:35 FILM: Framed (2001) 01:10 Sign Zone: See Hear 01:55 Soldier, Husband, Daughter, Dad

Civilisation ITV1 7.10pm

P R I M E T I M E

Pablo, The Little Red Fox BBC2 8.40am

Car Booty BBC1 9pm

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

7.00 Seven Year Makeover Leslie Ash was going for this option but her impatience got the better of her. Result: that face and a wheelchair 7.30 Our Home 8.00 Bargain Hunt 8.30 Bargain Hunt 9.00 Changing Rooms 9.30 Changing Rooms 10.00 Home Front 11.00 Passport to the Sun 11.30 Perfect Properties 12.00 Homes under the Hammer 13.00 Flog It! 14.00 Apply Immediately 15.00 Streetcombers 15.30 Room Rivals A fight to the death between the bathroom and the bedroom. My money’s on the bathroom. It’s all that porcelain.

16.00 Antiques Roadshow 17.00 Flog It! 18.00 What Not to Wear 18.30 Who Do You Think You Are? 19.00 Passport to the Sun 19.30 Perfect Properties 20.00 Homes under the Hammer 21.00 Changing Rooms 21.30 Changing Rooms 22.00 What Not to Wear 22.30 Who Do You Think You Are? 23.00 Home Front 0.00 Bargain Hunt 0.30 Bargain Hunt 01.00 Ready Steady Cook 02.00 Seven Year Makeover 02.30 Our Home 03.00 Close

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

Wednesday

Page 36

February 28 - March 6 2005

eagerbeaver@tvgrace.com

ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

6.00 GMTV2. 9.25 3rd Rock from the Sun. 9.55 3rd Rock from the Sun. 10.25 Sally Jessy Raphael.

Sally and her audience discuss more controversial topics, like the obscenly high prices in Coop.

11.10 Judge Judy. 12.30 Coronation Street.

1.00 Emmerdale. 2.00 Trisha.

3.05 Trisha. (Widescreen) 4.10 The John Walsh Show.

5.00 Sally Jessy Raphael.

5.45 Judge Judy. 7.00 3rd Rock from the Sun. 7.30 3rd Rock from the Sun. I’m still a little bit scared of John Lithgow- if you’ve seen “Santa Clause: The Movie” you’ll know what i mean. 8.00 Nanny 911.

9.00 Celebrities Exposed: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.

10.00 Coronation Street. 10.30 Fat Friends.

11.30 The Frank Skinner Show.

0.30 3rd Rock from the Sun. 1.00 3rd Rock from the Sun. 1.20 Late Show with David Letterman.

2.10 The John Walsh Show.

2.50 Teleshopping.

4.50 ITV2 Nightscreen.

19.00 Mediterranean Tales Apparently smearing Olivio all over your body turns you into a latin love-god, which might help you pull at Rubber Duck.

19.10 Civilisation 20.00 The World 20.30 The Desk 21.00 In Praise of Hardcore 22.15 Time Shift: Kenneth Tynan 22.55 Death on the Staircase A poignant reminder for us all to tie our shoelaces properly.

23.45 Don't Watch That Watch This! Does anyone even watch BBC4?

24.15 In Praise of Hardcore Not what you think it is.

01.30 Time Shift: Kenneth Tynan 02.10 Europe: A Natural History 03.00 Joseph Beuys and Me Its a load of bollocks, I’ve never even met him.

03.30 Don't Watch That Watch This! Don’t watch anything, it’s late and if you’re watching BBC4 at this time then there’s blatently something wrong with your life 04.00 Close

6:00 Insektors The Cruds use frogs to steal firewood from the Verygreens.

6:10 The Hoobs 6:35 The Hoobs 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends 8:00 Everyone Loves Raymond 8:25 The King Of Queens 8:55 Will & Grace 9:20 Supporting Acts 9:30 Men Of Iron Musical based on the poetry of Ted Hugues. 10:20 Tate Modern 10:25 National Gallery 10:30 Real Science 10:55 Tate Modern 11:00 Smart Living @ Home With Technology 11:30 National Gallery 11:35 Engineering at the Cutting Edge 12:00 News at Noon 12:30 3 Minute Wonder You wish 12:35 The Million Pound Note 2:15 Other People’s Houses 3:15 Countdown 4:00 A Place in the Sun: Tobago 5:00 Richard and Judy 6:00 The Simpsons 6:30 Hollyoaks Becca (Ali Bastian) is shocked when she discovers that her name is shared with gair rhydd’s most revered columnist, the infamous, and possibly fictional Bastian Springs.

7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder 8:00 10 Years Younger: Special 9:00 Jamie’s School Dinners 10:00 Desperate Housewives: Suspicious Minds 11:05 Torture: America’s Brutal Prisons 12:10 UTurn 2:30 Touch Wood 2:35am World Cup Skiing Sport for rich southerners, like Thom “Airs and graces”.

4:30am Transworld Sport 5:20am Countdown 6:05am Close

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6.00 GMTV 6.00 GMTV News Hour with John Stapleton and Penny Smith. 7.00 GMTV Today 8.35 LK Today 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 10.50 ITV News Headlines, Local News and Weather. 11.55 ITV News Headline 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Everything Must Go 2.00 I Want That House 2.30 Boot Sale Treasure Hunt 3.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 3.15 Meg and Mog 3.20 Thomas and Friends 3.30 Fun Song Factory Featuring And You Will Know Us

by The Trail Of Dead.

3.40 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3.50 SpongeBob SquarePants 4.05 Art Attack 4.30 My Parents Are Aliens With Sylvester Stallone.

5.00 Today with Des and Mel 6.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale.

7.30 Coronation StreetThe Barlows are stunned by the return of a native. Fuck me these listings are getting swish.Get them with the Hardy references. Oh, and Gary says that Thomas Hardy is, and I quote,”dull”.

8.00 The Bill Documentary following Coronation Street star Bill Tarmy as he goes about his day playing ‘loveable lout’Jack Duckworth.

9.00 Life Begins when your mother catches you in bed with a fish.

10.00 Driving Mum and Dad Mad Starring Grace de Ville.

10.30 ITV News 11.00 Our Boys Behaving Badly? A Tonight Special 11.35 Billy Idol's Orange, Playlist John PEEL’s Festive 50, Lemonheads, Peaches, The Moldy Peaches, Orange Crush by REM.

Kilroy C4 9pm

2:00 Without a Trace 2:55 Smallville: Superman the Early Years 3:55 Switched 4:25 Hollyoaks Does Lisa do anything apart from cry into her pillow whilst listening to ‘Angels’? 5:00 Friends 5:30 Friends 6:00 Smallville: Superman the Early Years 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Switched 8:00 Friends 8:30 Friends 9:00pm The Devil in Disguise A Point Pleasant TV Special 9:30 Friends 10:00 Fool Around... With My Boyfriend if you want your eyes gouged out with a rusty fork and a cattle prod shoved up your arse, go ahead...

10:30 Max & Paddy’s Road to Nowhere 11:00 Desperate Housewives 12:00 The Devil in Disguise - A Point Pleasant TV Special 2:30 Friends 12:55 Teachers 2:00 Max & Paddy’s Road to Nowhere 2:25 Without A Trace 3:05 Fool Around... With My Boyfriend 3:35 CLOSE

06.00 Softies 06.05 Jay Jay the Jet Plane Starring ambitious Bolton Wanderers dawdling midfielder, Jay-Jay Okocha. 06.30 Franny's Feet 06.40 The Clangers 06.50 Sailor Sid 06.55 Hi-5 07.30 Old Bear Stories Giles Brandeth, Brian Blessed, Bernard Cribbins, Christopher Biggins and Jeremy Beadle.07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 The Book of Pooh 08.30 Elmo's World 08.45 Aussie Antics 08.50 MechaNick 09.00 The Wright Stuff 10.00 Film: "Blood River" (1990, Western) Featuring wandering menstruals Anne Diamond and Nell McAndrew.

(Shudder) 11.50 The Wright Stuff Extra 12.00 five news at noon 13.00 Family Affairs 13.35 BrainTeaser 14.35 Trisha Goddard 15.35 Film: "Hart to Hart: Two Harts in 3/4 Time" The worst EVER name for a film.

We think so. Plus it has the added DISadvantage of having Joan Collins.

(1996, Crime) 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.15 Warhol on Warhol 20.00 Nigel Marven's Venom Hunters This week: Jeremey Paxman.

21.00 Film: "A Few Good Men" One of the few films that the gay porn version didn’t require a punning title for.

23.40 Going Down in the Valley (I Married a Sex Star) 24.15 Wildboyz 24.45 World of Rugby 01.35 Boxing: Fight of the Week 02.20 European Drag Racing Championships On this week’s starters orders: Pete Burns, Paul O’Grady, Barry Humphries, Christopher Biggins, Jeanette

PRIMETIME

Thicker Than Water BBC2 10.30am

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6:00: CBBC: Little Bear 6:25 The Silver Brumby 6:50 Tom 7:15 X-periMENTAL 7:30 Looney Tunes 7:40 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC Unfortunately no-one is doing Ferne Cotton. Pnaaar. 7:55 Newsround 8:00 CBeebies: Big Cook Little Cook 8:20 Tots TV 8:30 Bobinogs 8:40 Pablo, the Little Red Fox 8:45 The Koala Brothers 9:00 Tweenies 9:20 Razzledazzle 9:40 Fimbles 10:00 Fireman Sam 10:10 Andy Pandy 10:15 64 Zoo Lane 10:30 FILM: Thicker Than Water. (1935) 11:00 The Daily Politics 1:00pm: The Munsters Starring Wayne Rooney, Anne Widdecombe, Vanessa Feltz, Mackenzie Crook and Jackie Stallone. 1:30 Working Lunch 2:00 Rugby Special 2:40 The Flying Gardener Charlie Dimmock on whizz. 3:00 Castle in the Country 3:30 Flog It! 4:30 Ready Steady Cook 5:15 Weakest Link 6:00 Animal Hospital Ruud van Nistelrooy’s surgery continues.

6:30 Masterchef Goes Large Featuring Rik Waller.

Arf. 7:00 Theft of the Crown Jewels: Days That Shook the World 7:30 Rough Science Featuring Heath Hospital 8:00 What the Ancients Did for Us 9:00 The Apprentice 10:00 Blackadder II One of the few British comedies able to hold a torch to Black Books and Father Ted. You can arf off with Only Fools and bloody Horses though.

10:30 Newsnight 11:20 London Review of Books: Cover Stories 11:50 HARDtalk 12:15am: Joins BBC News 24. 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: Revisewise

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19.00 The 7 O'Clock News 19.30 Film: "Chicken Run” (2000).

20.50 BBC 3 Outtakes Show 21.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy Presented by the everdelightful Claudia Winkleman, who is possibly even more horse-faced than Sarah Jessica Parker.

22.00 High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman 22.30 Ideal 23.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 23.30 Destination Three .23.35 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.10 Farscape 01.00 God, the Devil and Bob 01.30 Burn It 02.05 18 With a Bullet Three-part documentary series which follows members of an El Salvadorean teenage street gang as they fight their enemies and eke out a living by selling drugs and thieving. Another night in Splott then.

03.00 Kilroy: Behind the Tan: Sudan1 and several meglomaniac badgers.

04.00 Close

The Munsters BBC2 2pm

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6:00am: Breakfast.

9:15 Britain's Streets of Vice. 10:00 Homes under the Hammer. 11:00 Houses Behaving Badly.

11:30 Car Booty. Lorne Spicer: big slag.

12:15pm: Bargain Hunt.

1:00 BBC News 1:30 Regional News and Weather.1:40 Neighbours.

2:05 Doctors.2:35 Murder, She Wrote. 3:20 BBC News 3:25 CBeebies: Clifford the Big Red Dog: Camping It Up. 3:40 CBBC: Stuart Little. 4:00 Looney Tunes. 4:05 The Scooby-Doo Show. 4:30 Grange Hill. 5:00 Blue Peter. 5:25 Newsround.

5:35 Neighbours.

6:00 BBC News.

7:00 It's Your Comic Relief. 8:00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy.

9:00 Detention Undercover: the Real Story.

10:00 BBC News.

10:30 Regional News and Weather.

10:35 The National Lottery: Midweek Draws.10:40 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy. 11:00 A Question of Sport.

11:30 FILM: Suicide Kings. (1997) Comic yet chilling crime drama.

1:20am: Sign Zone: The Lost World of Mitchell and Kenyon.2:20 Sign Zone: Soldier, Husband, Daughter, Dad. 2:50 Sign Zone: Ground Force. 3:20 Joins BBC News 24. 3.30 am and filler is needed. Thankfully TV William Dean is profilgate in filling up wasted column inches. Huzzah!!!

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07.00 Seven Year Makeover 07.30 Our Home 08.00 Bargain Hunt 08.30 Bargain Hunt 09.00 Changing Rooms 09.30 Changing Rooms 10.00 Home Front 11.00 Passport to the Sun 11.30 Perfect Properties 12.00 Homes under the Hammer 13.00 Flog It! 14.00 Do or Diet 14.30 Diet Trials 15.00 Streetcombers 15.30 Room Rivals 16.00 Antiques Roadshow 17.00 Flog It! 18.00 What Not to Wear 18.30 Who Do You Think You Are? 19.00 Passport to the Sun 19.30 Perfect Properties 20.00 Homes under the Hammer 21.00 Changing Rooms Ever-popular makeover magic from the talented team.

21.30 Changing Rooms 22.00 What Not to Wear 22.30 Who Do You Think You Are? The ghost of Christmas past.

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6.00 GMTV2.

9.25 3rd Rock from the Sun 9.55 3rd Rock from the Sun 10.25 Sally Jessy Raphael.

11.15 Judge Judy 12.30 Coronation Street 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 Airline 2.00 Trisha. 3.05 Trisha.

4.10 The John Walsh Show.

5.00 Sally Jessy Raphael.

5.50 Judge Judy I guy I suggested go on this to sort out his stupid dog-piss related life crisis was genuinely considering contacting Judy herself. Speaking of which, I might be on ‘Faking It’ soon. Oooooo.

7.00 3rd Rock from the Sun. 7.30 3rd Rock from the Sun 8.00 Celebrity Fit Club 9.00 FILM: Crocodile Dundee II. 11.05 The Frank Skinner Show With Embrace. Should be hellraising. 0.05 Baddiel and Skinner Unplanned 0.35 3rd Rock from the Sun. 1.05 3rd Rock from the Sun. 1.30 Late Show with David Letterman 2.15 Teleshopping 4.15 ITV2 Nightscreen.

5.10 Late Show with David Letterman Horrible old felching pervert.

19.00 Primate Primers 19.10 Europe: A Natural History 20.00 The World 20.30 Yes, Prime Minister 21.00 Broadway: The American Musical 22.00 April in Paris: Count Basie 22.10 Arrested Development 22.30 The Late Edition 23.00 Curb Your Enthusiasm Without any doubt still the best program on television at the moment. I was watching the last episode of the first season the other day where Larry David goes to an incest survivors group. Cue hilarity.

23.30 Curb Your Enthusiasm 24.00 Don't Watch That Watch This! Don’t watch this, watch Curb Your Enthusiam, which I trust you just videoed.

24.30 Guyana: Trouble in Paradise I wouldn’t call eating the horrible glucose enhancement in Boost chocolate bars “paradise” but if it’s going to cause me trouble...

01.00 The Late Edition 01.30 Broadway: The American Musical 02.30 British Isles: A User's Guide to Natural History 03.30 The Late Edition

6:05am Making it 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am B4 7:30am Fiends 8:00am Everybody loves Raymond 8:25am The King of Queenz 8:55am Will and Grace 9:20am Suporting Acts 9:30am The Theory of Everything.. revolves around TV Desk innuendo.

10:20am Real Science 10:45am Tate Modern10:50am Design 4 Life 11:05am Real Science 11:30am National Gallery: Myself and Others As a matter of fact, I am a work of art.

Thanks guys.

11:35am Engineering and the Modern Age: Sports Performance 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm The Great Pretender 12:40pm The Battle of the Sexes 2:15pm Other Peoples’ Houses 3:15pm Countdown 4:00pm A Place in the Sun 5:00pm Richard and Jud 6:00pm The Simpsons: Burns' Heir 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder 8:00pm A Place in the Sun 8:30pm Return of the Chef Mark Morrison’s new career as a gourmet burger flipper... under the limelight.

9:00pm Dispatches: Confession of a Parking Attendant Yes! I’m actually the sort of guy you really want to meet, and I like antique cars.

12:10am Snow White: A Tale of Terror Yeah I always thought it a genuinely horrible piece of filth too. 2:05am The Tale of a Pavillion 2:10am Is Torture a Good Idea?

3:10am Torture: The Dirty Business 4:05am Sex Bomb Tom Jones can lick my balls.

5:05am Countdown

2.00pm Without a Trace 3:00pm Smallville: Superman The Early Days 4:00pm 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Fiends 5:30pm Fiends 6:00pm Smallville: Superman The Early Days 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Switch I’m not even sure if this is the title, I’m too drunk and tired to care really.

And I’m even more sure that you guys don’t either, you lazy cunts.

8:00pm Fiends 8:30pm Fiends 9:00pm Er..

10:00pm Fool Around... With My Boyfriend Yawn 11:00pm Sex in the City 11:35pm Sex in the City 12:10am ER 1:00am ER 2:05am Without a Trace Still haven’t seen this. Is this a poor mans CSI or what? Reply to nerddesk@gairrhydd.com 2:55am Sex in the City 3:20am Sex in the City With Kyle Machlaclan, who should know better, and a load of whoring females who probably don’t.

4:00am Close The Arcade Fire is officially relelased this week. Buy it or be damned.

06.00 Softies 06.05 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 06.30 Franny's Feet 06.40 Clangers 06.50 Sailor Sid 06.55 Hi-5 07.30 Old Bear Stories 07.45 Make Way for Noddy08.00 The Book of Pooh 08.30 Elmo's World 08.45 Aussie Antics 08.50 MechaNick 09.00 The Wright Stuff With John Suchet, who’s Pirot’s brother, as I discovered today.

10.00 Film: Mrs Sundance 11.50 The Wright Stuff Extra 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs 13.35 BrainTeaser 14.35 Trisha Goddard Apparently her program is averaging under half a million viewers since moving from ITV to here, so I might as well advertise here. Don’t watch it.

15.35 Film: Race through Time 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.15 Riddle of the Chinese Miracle Mummy The Nancy Lam 20.00 Film: Groundhog Day One of the best films ever and well worth worth crossing the border into England where the Welshman’s dream of owning five becomes a beautiful reality.

22.00 Film: Stripes 24.05 The Making of The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Looks like it’s Bill Murray night on five, with Groundhog Day and Stripes and this. Which is no bad thing, as he’s great.

24.40 John Barnes' Football Night 01.15 Portuguese Football 02.45 Dutch Football 04.15 Argentinian Football 05.30 Argentinian Football Highlights

029 229977

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6.00 GMTV 6.00 GMTV News Hour 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 10.50 ITV News Headlines, Local News and Weather. 11.55 ITV News Headlines 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Everything Must Go. 2.00 I Want That House 2.30 Boot Sale Treasure Hunt 3.00 ITV1 Wales 3.15 Thomas and Friends.

3.25 Tractor Tom. 3.35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3.45 SpongeBob SquarePants 4.00 Bernard. Learn To Earn 4.10 Rugrats. Family Feud 4.30 My Parents Are Aliens.

Aliens 5.00 Today with Des and Mel What mediocre MOR musical artiste is the special musical guest today?

6.00 ITV1 Wales 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Great Welsh Roads Woodville Road, Fanny Street, St Mellons Street, Womanby Street, Caroline Street.

8.00 The Bill 9.00 Fat Friends 10.00 Celebrity Surgery: Who's Had What Done? TV Manners has had his breasts “upgraded’, so to speak.

10.30 ITV News11.00 Party Conference Broadcast 11.05 Wales This Week 11.35 Soccer Night 0.05 Win, Lose or Draw Late 0.30 Brian's Boyfriends 0.55 Billy Idol's Orange Playlist Billy Idol’s orange, playlist moer like. 1.20 Redcoats 1.45 Hip-Hop Forever The Big Brovaz story. 4.00 ITV Nightscreen. (S) Text-based information service.

5.30 ITV Early Morning News

Massive Nature BBC2

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22.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 22.30 EastEnders 23.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy.

23.30 Destination Three 23.35 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.10 Farscape Nerd television alert. Why would anyone with even an ounce of dignity touch this shit?

01.00 God, the Devil and Bob 01.30 Burn It 02.05 High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman 02.35 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Condoms wrapped up in a five pound note. 03.05 Bionic Buildings 04.05 Close

6:00am: CBBC: Little Bear 6:25 The Silver Brumby 6:50 Tom 7:15 SMart on the Road 7:30 Looney Tunes 7:40 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 7:55 Newsround 8:00 CBeebies: Big Cook Little Cook 8:20 Tots TV 8:30 Bobinogs 8:40 Pablo, the Little Red Fox Picasso examines his todger. 8:45 The Koala Brothers 9:00 Tweenies 9:20 Razzledazzle 9:40 Fimbles 10:00 Fireman Sam 10:10 Andy Pandy 10:15 64 Zoo Lane 10:30 The Way Things Work: Pulleys 10:45 Something Special 11:00 Words and Pictures Plus 11:15 What? Where? When?

Why? Michael Jackson’a alibi in full.

11:30 The Daily Politics 12:30pm: Working Lunch 1:00 Trade Secrets It doesn’t matter if you’ve spent the entire evening in the pub before you write TV desk.

1:15 FILM: The North Star 3:00 Castle in the Country.

3:30 Flog It! 4:30 Ready Steady Cook 5:15 Weakest Link 6:00 Animal Hospital. 6:30 Masterchef Goes Large 7:00 The Culture Show 8:00 Massive Nature 8:30 The Reclaimers 9:00 Horizon 9:50 Grown Up Gappers The story of David Mellor’s dentist.

10:30 Newsnight.

11:20 The Culture Show Fucking yeah I should be on this, I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 and I really fucking hate George Bush. Irony.

12:20am: FILM: The Colour of Paradise 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: GCSE Bitesize Revision. History: School History Project

Return of the Chef C4 8.30pm

Your Union

6:00am: Breakfast.

9:15 Britain's Streets of Vice. I can’t believe this programme is even on at 9am. Result!

10:00 Homes under the Hammer. 11:00 Houses Behaving Badly. 11:45 Car Booty. 12:30pm: Bargain Hunt.

1:00 BBC News; Weather. 1:40 Neighbours. 2:05 Doctors. 2:35 Murder, She Wrote. A Body to Die For 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News. 3:25 CBeebies: Clifford the Big Red Dog 3:40 CBBC: Stuart Little.

4:00 ChuckleVision. 4:20 The Cramp Twins 4:30 Best of Friends. 5:00 Even Stevens.

Raiders Of The Lost Sausage.

These things write themselves sometimes. 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours 6:00 BBC News 6:30 Regional News Programmes; Weather.

7:00 Holiday 2005.

7:30 EastEnders 8:00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy TV John does a runner. If Edith Bowman’s singing voice is even remotely like her radio tones, then we’re in trouble.

I wish I wasn’t drunk. The ugly, Scottish bint.

9:00 A Life of Grime New York. 9:30 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy.

10:00 BBC News 10:30 Regional News and Weather.

10:35 Question Time.

11:35 This Week.

12:20am: FILM: In Her Defense Colin Murray stands up for Edith’s defence, ruined slightly by the fact he’s an illiterate Irish son-of-pig-fucker moron who can’t even think about legitimate speak, let alone articulate it.

1:55 Sign Zone: Watchdog.

2:25 Sign Zone: Panorama.

3:05 Sign Zone: Superstars 4:05 Joins BBC News 24.

Torture: The Dirty Business C4 3.10am

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Is Torture a Good Idea?C4 2.10am

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

07.00 Seven Year Makeover 07.30 Our Home 08.00 Bargain Hunt 08.30 Bargain Hunt 09.00 Changing Rooms 09.30 Changing Rooms 10.00 Home Front 11.00 Passport to the Sun 11.30 Perfect Properties 12.00 Homes under the Hammer 13.00 Flog It! 14.00 Would Like to Meet 15.00 Streetcombers 15.30 Room Rivals 17.00 Flog It! 18.00 What Not to Wear 18.30 Who Do You Think You Are? 19.00 Passport to the Sun 19.30 Perfect Properties 20.00 Homes under the Hammer 21.00 Changing Rooms This episode features two houses in Winchester, where TV John hails from, so look out for his deranged father and chickenchasing mother in the background.

21.30 Changing Rooms 22.00 What Not to Wear 22.30 Who Do You Think You Are? 23.00 Home Front 24.00 Bargain Hunt 24.30 Bargain Hunt 01.00 Ready Steady Cook 02.00 Seven Year Makeover

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 229977

Friday

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February 28 - March 6 2005

10condomsplease@keepthechange.com

DELIVERED! 029 229972

2:00 Without a trace: Doppleganger 3:00 Smallville: The Superman Years or Summat, I’ve Forgotten: Dichotic 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One where Joey Tells Rachel 5:30pm Friends: The One with the Tea Leaves 6:00 Smallville: Superman the Tranny Years. 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Switched 8:00 Friends: The One where Joey Tells Rachel 8:30pm Friends: The One with the Tea Leaves I9:00 The Games: Athletes in Training 10:00 My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) 12:00 Green Wing 1:05 The Games: Athletes in Training 2:05 Without a Trace: Doppleganger 3:00 Green Wing 4:00 Close Saw Willy Mason on Tuesday, what a lovely, lovely man. May be interviewing Doves next week, woop. Today’s page is pure self-indulgent schmuck.

LISTEN TO ME EVERYONE, I’M TALKING ABOUT ME, I’M GREAT,

TV KATIE IS GR8 4 EVA

I LOVE MYSELF.

06.00 Softies 06.05 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 06.30 Franny's Feet This is a rip-off of Mr. Ben hence it’s rubbish. She steals other peoples’ shoes, wears them and goes on adventures.

Bitch. 06.40 The Clangers 06.50 Sailor Sid 06.55 Hi-5 07.30 Old Bear Stories 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 The Book of Pooh Episode 23: The undigested poo. You ate too many nuts on Wednesday and indulged in corn on the cob on Friday. 08.30 Elmo's World 08.45 Aussie Antics 08.50 MechaNick 09.00 The Wright Stuff 10.00 Film: "The Games" (1970, Drama) 11.50 The Wright Stuff Extra I avoided work all morning on Tuesday coz I thought this would be good. It wasn’t. It’s only on for ten minutes, what a let-down. 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs 13.35 BrainTeaser 14.35 Trisha Goddard 15.35 Film: "Danielle Steel's Changes" (1991, Drama) 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.30 The Gadget Show 20.00 A Dream Home Abroad Granada please.

21.00 Colin and Justin's How Not to Decorate “It’s busy, so busy.”

22.05 Film: "Quick Change" (1990, Comedy) 23.50 The Gadget Show 24.20 Film: "Rushmore" (1998, Comedy) Quench Ed James: “It’s not Wes’s best like, but you know.” Catch him next freelancing at Empire. 02.00 Film: "Caddyshack" (1980, Comedy) 03.45 Sunset Beach 04.25 Melrose Place 05.10 Sons and Daughters 05.35 Sons and Daughters

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It’s fisticuffs on the 4th floor.

01.40 The DVD Collection 02.10 Celtic Connections 03.10 Norway's Hardanger Fiddle 04.10 Close Quench Ed J.Anthony on Leslie Ash: “I heard she was dead man.” TV John on Leslie Ash: “I hope she’s literally ash.”

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6.00 GMTV2.

9.25 3rd Rock from the Sun. Dick `The Mouth' Solomon 9.55 3rd Rock from the Sun. 10.25 Sally Jessy Raphael.

11.15 Judge Judy. 12.30 Coronation Street. 1.00 Emmerdale. 1.30 Airline. 2.00 Trisha. 3.05 Trisha. 4.10 The John Walsh Show. 5.00 Sally Jessy Raphael. 5.50 Judge Judy. 7.00 3rd Rock from the Sun. 7.30 3rd Rock from the Sun. 8.00 Billy Idol's Orange Playlist. 8.30 American Idol.

9.20 American Idol. The pop wannabes perform in front of judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson. Props man, props. 10.15 American Idol. 10.45 Jordan and Peter Laid Bare. 11.45 Coronation Street. 0.15 Celebrities Exposed: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. 1.10 3rd Rock from the Sun. Dick `The Mouth' Solomon 1.35 3rd Rock from the Sun. Citizen Solomon 1.55 Late Show with David Letterman. 2.45 Teleshopping.

4.45 ITV2 Nightscreen.

5.10 Late Show with David Letterman.

5:50 Angela Anaconda 6:10 The Hoobs: Tidying Up 6:35 The Hoobs: Friends 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends 8:00 Everybody Loves Gaymond 8:25 The King of Queens 8:55 Will & Grace 9:20 Supporting Acts 9:30 The Theory of Everything 10:20 Real Science: That's My Baby 10:45 Tate Modern 10:50 Design 4 Life 11:05 Real Science 11:30 National Gallery 11:35 Engineering at the Cutting Edge 12:00 News at Noon 12:30 3 Minute Wonder 12:35 Man About the House 2:15 Other People’s Houses 3:15 Countdown 4:00 Ocean’s Apart 5:00 Richard and Judy 6:00 The Simpsons: Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song 6:30 Hollyoaks Lisa can't stop thinking of Jake marrying Becca - she wishes it was her. I bet she does, her real name’s Ali Bastian. I know a Quench columnist who’d give her a ride.

7:00 Channel 4 News 7:40 The West Wing 8:25 Friends 9:00 The Simpsons 9:30 The Simpsons 10:00 Nathan Barley 10:35 The Friday Night Project This is wank. I have watched it.

11:40 The Osbournes 12:10 4Music 12:15 The Osbournes 12:45 4Music: Popworld 1:35am 4MUSIC: Being blunt 2:05 4Music Presents Wilco: Austin City Limits 3:00 4Music: Empire Square 3:05 3 Minute Wonder 3:10 3 Minute Wonder 3:20 World Cup Snowboard 5:05 Countdown

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1.00 Everything Must Go. 2.00 I Want That House. 2.30 Boot Sale Treasure Hunt. 3.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather. 3.15 Thomas and Friends.

3.25 Fun Song Factory. Cats And Dogs 3.35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series. 3.45 SpongeBob SquarePants.

4.00 Globo Loco. 4.30 Girls in Love. The L-Word Lick, lemon, llama, labia, luftwafe, Lionel (Blair, not Richie), lesbian. 5.00 Today with Des and Mel. 6.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather.

6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather.

7.00 Emmerdale.

7.30 Coronation Street.

There was a job as script writer for Corrie in The Guardian on Saturday. I think TV Editor at gair rhydd clinches it.

8.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald.

8.30 FILM: The World Is Not Enough. (1999, Spy) 10.30 ITV News.

11.00 FILM: The World Is Not Enough. (1999, Spy) 11.30 Honeymoons from Hell. The one where she woke up next to Andrew Lloyd Webber. 0.30 Bond Girls Are Forever. 1.20 F1: Australian Grand Prix Qualifying. 3.20 Entertainment Now! 3.45 cd:uk Hotshots.

4.10 Riders and Rich Kids.

4.35 Tonight with Trevor McDonald. 5.00 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Morning News.

Sailor Sid five 6.50am

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6:00am: CBBC: Little Bear. 6:25 The Silver Brumby. 6:50 Metalheads. 7:00 Metalheads.

7:15 The Make Shift. 7:30 Looney Tunes. 7:40 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC. 7:55 Newsround. 8:00 CBeebies: Big Cook Little Cook.

8:20 Tots TV. 8:30 Bobinogs.

8:40 Pablo the Little Red Fox. 8:45 The Koala Brothers. 9:00 Tweenies. 9:20 Razzledazzle.

9:40 Fimbles. 10:00 Fireman Sam. 10:10 Andy Pandy. 10:15 64 Zoo Lane. 10:30 Primary Geography. 10:50 Primary Geography. 11:10 Tennis: Davis Cup 2005. 4:00pm: Castle in the Country. 4:30 Ready Steady Cook. 5:15 Weakest Link.

6:00 Animal Hospital.

6:30 Masterchef Goes Large.

7:00 The Great House Price Crash 2005?

7:30 A Year at Kew. 8:00 Bill Oddie's How to Watch Wildlife. Sit. Eat a banana. Watch.

8:30 Gardeners' World.

9:00 Timewatch.

9:50 Dear Television.

Dearest television, what would I do without you? I’d spend my Thursday nights doing something more constructive than this fucking pile of toss, that’s what.

10:00 Grumpy Old Women.

10:30 Newsnight. 11:00 Newsnight Review. 11:35 Classic Albums. Nirvana: Nevermind. 12:25am: FILM: Murder, Inc. (1951) 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Open University and General Interest: Philosophy in Action: Debates about Boxing. 2:30 The Authentick and Ironicall Historie of Henry V. 3:00 Ever Wondered? 3:30 Reflections on a Global Screen.

4:00 An English Accent. 4:30 Babies' Minds. 5:00 Playing Safe. 5:30 Talking about Care.

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19.00 The 7 O'Clock News on BBC Three 19.30 Little Angels 20.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 21.00 Not Under My Roof 22.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 22.30 EastEnders 23.00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 23.30 Destination Three 23.35 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.10 Twisted Tales 24.45 Ideal The apostrophe goes after the full name of whatever possesses the thing being discussed. Use them in phrases such as 12 years’ imprisonment. 01.20 God, the Devil and Bob (There's Too Much Sex on Television) There’s never enough sex on television.

There’s a particular lack of sex in gair rhydd. TV desk are constantly trying to rectify the situation. 01.50 Burn It 02.25 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 02.55 Not Under My Roof 03.55 Close Everyone keeping up with Desperate Housewives? I have to actually venture out this Wednesday.

Gonna set the recorder. Quite scared. What if it goes wrong?

Hold me someone.

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1:40 Neighbours. Lana and Stingray have suspicions about Serena's new guy. Max is lacking in Christmas cheer. What?

Christmas? I’ve only ever seen one Christmas in Neighbours and it was when Jim Robinson of newly found O.C. fame lived there. Ahhhh. 2:05 Doctors.

2:35 Murder, She Wrote. 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News. 3:25 CBeebies 3:40 CBBC: Stuart Little. 4:00 Looney Tunes. 4:05 Crush.

4:30 Tiny and Mr Duk's Huge Show. Fnarr. 5:00 Blue Peter.

5:25 Newsround. 5:35 Neighbours.

6:00 BBC News.

6:30 Regional News 7:00 A Question of Sport.

7:30 Top of the Pops.

8:00 EastEnders.

8:30 My Hero.

9:00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy. God, this is the one where Edith Bowman tries being a singer. Ugh. What Colin and Edith need is to bath in bleach and for Steve Backley to hurl them, one by one, into the Thames, speared on a sharpened javelin, weighted with something heavy, like...

Chris Moyles.

10:00 BBC News.

10:30 Regional News 10:35 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy.

11:00 24 Carrott Gold. 11:30 Live World Championship Boxing. 1:00am: FILM: Hercules in New York. (1970) 2:35 Joins BBC News 24. I’ve had one pint and I feel woozy.

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07.00 Seven Year Makeover 07.30 Our Home 08.00 Bargain Hunt 08.30 Bargain Hunt 09.00 Changing Rooms 09.30 Changing Rooms 10.00 Home Front 11.00 Passport to the Sun 11.30 Perfect Properties 12.00 Homes under the Hammer 13.00 Flog It! 14.00 Your Money or Your Life 14.30 Your Money or Your Life 15.00 Streetcombers 15.30 Room Rivals 16.00 Antiques Roadshow 17.00 Flog It! 18.00 What Not to Wear 18.30 Who Do You Think You Are?

TV KATIE

19.00 Passport to the Sun 19.30 Perfect Properties 20.00 Homes under the Hammer 21.00 Changing Rooms 21.30 Changing Rooms 22.00 What Not to Wear 22.30 Who Do You Think You Are? 23.00 Home Front 24.00 Bargain Hunt 24.30 Bargain Hunt 01.00 Ready Steady Cook 02.00 Seven Year Makeover 02.30 Our Home 03.00 Close

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6.00 GMTV2.

9.25 Emmerdale Omnibus.

12.10 Coronation Street Omnibus. 2.30 Holiday Showdown. Bognor Regis V Skegness - you decide. 3.30 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

4.30 cd:uk. 5.30 It's Good to Be... Posh and Becks. I can think of people I’d rather be, thanks. Like Serena from Neighbours -arghhh she’s blagged the divine Boyd, damn her! Write to agentkbrunt@hotmail.com if you agree. I have one housemate with me on this one, two against. Need support and assurance that I’m not a paedo. He must be 18.....surely.

5.55 Celebrity Fit Club. 6.55 Nanny 911. 7.55 Celebrities Exposed: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. 9.00 FILM: Red Heat. (1988, Action) 11.05 Jordan and Peter - Laid Bare.

Oh please, what haven’t we already seen? 0.05 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Mothers' Day Special. Imminent Kelly and Sharon Osbourne alert! 1.05 Emmerdale Omnibus. 3.30 Teleshopping.

5.30 ITV2 Nightscreen. You know Dirty Den? Dead mate.

19.00 Frank Hurley: The Man who Made History Yeah? What did he do then eh? Never fucking heard of him. Fucking BBC Four. 20.00 Antarctic Symphony Musical extravaganza, see below.

21.00 Film: "Gohatto" (1997, Drama) Mmm, did well at the box office eh? Never heard of it. Fucking BBC Four. 22.35 Death on the Staircase 23.25 The Late Edition Last week’s gair rhydd. It’s coming.

23.55 Frank Hurley: The Man who Made History Never buy a Ginsters Cheese and Bacon slice. It’s like eating a highly seasoned, recently emptied sweaty, flacid dick.

24.55 Antarctic Symphony Composed by King Penguin Sheeba, Eskimo Kabooboo and a great big fat seal who works under the pseudonym Barry.

Featuring musical cameos from the likes of Bastion Springs on the trumpet and Talula Goralorra on the French horn.

01.55 Celtic Connections 02.55 Norway's Hardanger Fiddle What is this? Is this a national instrument? Sounds ominously Freudian to me.

The Simple Life C4 9.25am

2:00 Switched 2:25 hit40uk 2:50 Hollyoaks Omnibus Darlene's welcome home party is in full swing, but can she ever forgive Justin? Ben is sickened when he finds out about Jake and Lisa's affair, and throws Jake out. Russ finally blurts out the awful truth about his illness, leaving Carrie and Nicole reeling in shock. Darren continues his fitness regime around the village before bumping into Max, who is on a mission to sell his cans of baked beans. Steph promises Jake that she'll keep his plan secret, but can she really keep such exciting news to herself?

And Max is furious with the students when he discovers a rat in Drive 'N' Buy. 5:00 hit40uk 5:30 Friends 6:00 Smallville 7:00 Smallville 8:00 Smallville 9:00 Brat Camp 10:00 100 Greatest Sexy Moments Kevin’s face-slap in Home Alone, Sloth from the Goonies saying “Hey yooo guysssss!”Jade Goody flashing her kebab on BB, Billy Connolly parachuting naked, Keith Cheggers naked in the jungle. 2:00 Line of Fire 2:55 Brat Camp 3:55 Close

06.00 Sunrise 06.55 Bear in the Big Blue House 07.20 Milkshake! 07.25 Old Bear Stories 07.40 Make Way for Noddy 07.55 The Book of Pooh Episode 45: The Cling-On. No matter how much you wipe, it just wont go away.

08.25 The Save-Ums! 08.40 The Save-Ums! 09.00 Beyblade 09.30 Xcalibur 10.00 Hercules: the Legendary Journeys 10.55 RAD - The Groms Tour America 11.25 Home and Away Omnibus 13.30 To be announced 14.35 Film: "Field of Dreams" (1989, Fantasy) One of the films that appeared on last week’s Top 100 Tearjerkers.

Number one was E.T. What crap.

I nearly cried during just the clips of so many others. Sarah’s Choice looks horrific! And don’t even get me started on Truly, Madly, Deeply... 16.30 Film: "All Dogs Go to Heaven" (1989, Animation) 17.55 Charmed 18.45 five news and sport 19.00 Film: "Short Circuit 2" (1988, Science Fiction) Oh wow, I’d forgotten these films existed!

21.00 CSI:NY (A Man a Mile) 21.55 Law and Order: Criminal Intent 22.50 Film: "Cop" (1988, Crime) 24.55 Law and Order 01.50 Film: "The Perfect Tenant" (2000, Thriller) 03.20 Russell Grant's Postcards Yes, he’s back! Who know’s where he’ll take us this week. My loins are quivering in anticipation.

03.35 Sunset Beach 04.20 The Invaders 05.10 Sons and Daughters 05.35 Sons and Daughters Woop, nearly finished for another week! Nine more to go and then I’m officially a graduate and a TV desk pro.

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5:50am Angela Anaconda Angela is very happy with her new orange jacket, but has forgotten that it's St Patrick's Day and everyone is wearing green.

Awwww, bless her! I feel for her, I really do. The amount of times I wear blue when I should be in red. 6:10am The Hoobs: Messages 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00 Transworld Sport 8:00 The Morning Line 8:50 T4 Futurama: Roswell that Ends Well 9:25 T4: The Simple Life 9:50 T4: hit40uk 10:20 T4: One Tree Hill 11:20 T4: Friends 11:55am Average Joe: Hawaii 12:55 T4: Fool Around...With my Girlfriend 2:00 Channel 4 Racing 2.35 Vodafone H'cap Chase (3m); 3.05 Vodafone Gold Cup H'cap Chase (2m 4f); 3.35 Vodafone 'National Hunt' Novices' Hurdle (3m 1⁄2f).

Doncaster 2.20 totescoop6 Grimthorpe Chase (H'cap) (3m); 3.20 totesport.com H'cap Hurdle (3m 1⁄2f). Oooh I put my money on Betty’s Poodle on the Cup H’Cap Chase at 3.05. Put on a tenner to win. 4:10pm The Vikings 6:15pm Morgan and Platell 6:45pm Channel 4 News I know nothing about these programmes. Just go out, you know you want to. Or get 24 on DVD or summat.

Saw the last Friends episode last week at last.

Yep, we all cried. Bunch of girls.

7:15pm The Last Dragon 9:15pm Conspiracy Theory (1997) 11:45pm The Friday Night Project 12:50 Nathan Barley 1:25 Palookaville (1995) 3:00 In Shane’s Shoes 3:30 Blue in the Face (1995) 4:50am The Trouble with being a Woman Is that we’re not men.

Ugh, I hate feminists, they do my head in. 5:20 Angoisse 5:25 Countdown 6:10 Close

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12.55 F1: Australian Grand Prix Qualifying. 2.45 Midsomer Murders. 4.45 ITV1 Wales News and Weather. 5.00 ITV News; Sports Results; Weather.

5.15 New You've Been Framed.

5.45 Stars In Their Eyes.

Another fucking hopefull tries it as Bowie. Zzzzzzzzzz.

6.45 Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway.

Pretty average entertainment for a Saturday night.

What the hell happened? I remember when going out on a Saturday simply wasn’t necessary: Noel Edmond’s House Party, Gladiators, Challenge Anneka, Casualty (when it was still gruesome). Ahhh it was just greeeeaaat. I remember having to go straight to bed after Casualty and the theme tune used to give me the shivers. Not sure if it was the fact that it was bedtime or just a genuinely eerie theme tune.

7.55 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Mothers' Day Special.

9.00 For One Night Only Dancing in the Depot.

10.00 Parkinson. 11.05 ITV News.

11.20 FILM: Sneakers. (1992, Thriller) 1.25 F1: Australian Grand Prix Live. 5.10 ITV Nightscreen. (S) 5.30 ITV Early Morning News.

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19.00 Little Angels 19.30 BBC Three Outtakes Show 19.45 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 20.45 Mind, Body and Kick Ass 21.15 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 22.05 High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman Who? 22.35 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 23.05 Film: "Tigerland" (2001, War) 24.40 Ideal (The Body) Kelly Brook, without a shadow of a doubt. She could convert me, she really could.

Maaaan she’s sexy. 01.10 The Smoking Room 01.40 Twisted Tales 02.10 High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman Again - who?

02.40 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 03.10 Bionic Buildings The optometry building behind Lidl, the Students’ Union...can’t be arsed. Oh my God, did anyone see Federer and Agassi playing tennis on that ridiculous platform in Dubai? Higher than the Eiffel Tower and just bigger than a normal tennis court. No wall.

Fucking terrifying.

6:00am: Breakfast. 9:00 Weekend 24. 10:00 The Best.

Cookery series in which three chefs offer tips for cooking with the same ingredient or theme.

This edition focuses on salads and pork dishes, featuring recipes for crunchy tomato panzanella, pork chop in a bag, pasta butterbean salad, Chinese-style crispy pork, fig and feta salad, and pork vindaloo. YUMMMMMMMM! This sounds amazing! TV desk missed out on pizza because we were philosophising in the grad bar. We’re soooo intellectual.

Hence the sloppy cheese slice.

Urgh. 10:30 The Nation's Favourite Food. 11:00 Bill's Food. 11:25 Home Front in the Garden. 12:00pm: See Hear.

12:45 FILM: Drums along the Mohawk. (1939) 2:30 FILM: Mister Roberts. (1955) 4:25 Athletics: European Indoor Championships.

7:35 What the Papers Say. Daily Mail: CHARLES AND CAMILLA SHOCK WEDDING. IMMIGRANTS TO BLAME. 7:45 Gardeners' World.

8:15 Around the World in 80 Treasures.

9:15 Pakistani, Actually.

9.15 British Paki and Proud I didn’t write this, it’s the name of the programme.

9.50 Luton, Actually 10.25 Atta Boy 10.45 Who Wants To Be A Mullah? 11:05 The Apprentice. 12:05am: Never Mind the Buzzcocks. 12:35 FILM: Pecker. (1998) 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Open University and General Interest: Seeing through Maths. 2:30 The Science of Climate. 3:00 Managing for Biodiversity: Forests in Trinidad. 3:30 The Chemistry of Creativity. 4:00 The Chemistry of Survival. 4:30 Whose Web Is It Anyway? 5:30 Landscape Mysteries.

The Late Edition BBC4 11.25pm

Your Union

6:00am: CBeebies: Fimbles.

6:20 Fimbles. 6:40 The Story Makers. 7:00 CBBC: Arthur.

7:25 Astro Boy. 7:45 Tom and Jerry Kids.

8:10 Taz-Mania. 8:35 New Scooby and Scrappy Show.

9:00 Dick and Dom in da Bungalow. 11:00 Top of the Pops Saturday. 12:00pm: BBC News; Weather. 12:10 Football Focus. 1:00 Grandstand. 1:05 Tennis: Davis Cup 2005.2:00 Rugby Union Build-Up. 2:30 Rugby Union: Rugby Aid Charity Match. 3:20 Football Update.

3:35 Rugby Union: Rugby Aid Charity Match. 4:30 Final Score. 5:25 BBC News; Regional News; Weather. 5:45 Eurovision: Making Your Mind Up. 6:45 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy.

7:45 The National Lottery Jet Set. 8:20 Eurovision: Making Your Mind Up. Jordan is competing in this, against (forgive me if I was dreaming) Wigfield. So, we can finally check out Katie Price’s ability as a songstress. I reckon she’s gonna be ace.

8:45 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy.

9:15 Casualty. 10:05 BBC News; Weather. 10:25 Match of the Day. 11:55 FILM: The Substitute 2: School's Out. (1998) 1:25am: A Question of Sport. 1:55 Top of the Pops. 2:25 Joins BBC News 24. I figured that because it’s a Saturday night, all night is Primetime. Makes things easier for me too, because hopefully by the time I finish this sentence, I will have filled all the space and I can go home to bed and rest my weary head.

Field of Dreams five 2.35pm

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BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

07.00 Our Home 07.30 Our Home 08.00 Our House 2 09.00 Our House 2 10.00 Home Front 11.00 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 11.30 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.00 Safe as Houses 13.00 House Chain: Under Offer 13.30 House Chain: Under Offer 14.00 House Chain: Under Offer 14.30 House Chain: Under Offer 15.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 15.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 16.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 16.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 17.00 Safe as Houses 18.00 Safe as Houses 19.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 19.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 20.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 20.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 21.00 Safe as Houses 22.00 Safe as Houses 23.00 Safe as Houses 24.00 Our House 2 01.00 Ready Steady Cook 02.00 Our Home 02.30 Our Home 03.00 Close So many houses, so little time. I’m thinking of moving to London when I graduate. Am somewhat worried about my lack of sense of direction. I once got lost in WHSmith.

I cried. I was sixteen.

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February 28 - March 6 2005

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6:10 The Hoobs 6:35 The Hoobs 7:00 French Football: Le Champoinnat 7:30 World Superbikes 8:25 World Cup Skiiing 8:55 T4: Switched 9:25 T4: Popworld 10:20 T4: Hollyoaks Omnibus 13:00 T4: H Side Story 13:35 T4: Hitch: T4 Movie Special 14:10 T4: Friends 14:45 T4: The O.C. Last week’s episode was one of those ‘I know exactly what’s going to happen but I need to see how they get there’ ones.

Ryan got with his school wench and Seth got with that bouffanthaired trendy indie chick. You know you need to see what’s going to happen next. 15:45 T4: Freaky 16:05 T4: Star Trek: Enterprise 17:00 Time Team 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Scrapheap Challenge: The Scrappy Races 19:30 Channel 4 News 20:00 Bremner, Bird And Fortune 21:00 Prince Edward - The Showbiz Years 22:00 X-Rated: The TV They Tried To Ban The Care Bears ‘X-mas’ Special, Inspect Her Gadget, Playmate Of The Apes, Whore Of The Ring, The Ring, Buffy The Vampire Layer, Sexy Scary Movie. To be fair, I asked around the office for aptly named porn films and the response was extremely poor. Not impressive I’m sure you’ll agree.

23:35 The Evil Dead (1982) 01:15 Tales From The Grave 01:40 ChronoPerambulator 01:55 KOTV 02:25 The World Football Show 02:50 French Football: Le Championnat 04:40 Grudge Match 04:55 Le Mans Endurance 2004 Are you allowed to use your mobile in the car? 05:25 Countdown

6.00 Softies 6.05 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 6.30 Franny's Feet 6.40 The Clangers 6.55 Bear in the Big Blue House 7.20 Milkshake! 7.25 Old Bear Stories 7.40 Make Way for Noddy Noddy finally reaches the big bad city. He skilfully avoided the maggot-ridden, buxom wenches loitering around the outskirts of the town to reach the sweet nectar of the inner city. Noddy soon realises why no one else is left Toyland. He’s a cartoon and looks very much out of place in the human dominated world or the big city. With a heavy heart and a longing for some horizontal action, he heads for the kebab shop to drown his sorrows. (Awwww).

7.55 The Book of Pooh 8.30 The Save-Ums! 8.45 The SaveUms! 9.00 Insect Antics 9.05 Peppa Pig 9.10 The Ice Cream Machine 9.25 George Shrinks 10.00 Don't Blame the Koalas 10.30 Combat Club 11.00 Snobs 11.30 Make It Big 12.05 Braceface 12.35 Divine Designs 13.05 five news update13.10 FILM: Columbo: Short Fuse (1972) 14.45 FILM: Camelot (1967) 18.00 five news 18.20 FILM: A Ring of Endless Light (2002) 20.00 Joey 20.30 Two and a Half Men 21.00 FILM: Dude, Where's My Car? (2000) Utter crap. Do not watch it.

I’ve been reliably informed there was going to be a sequel aptly named ‘Seriously, Dude Where’s My Car?’. Thankfully for us it hasn’t been filmed.

22.40 To be announced 23.40 World's Wildest Police Videos 0.35 2005 Winter X Games 01.25 NCAA College Basketball 02.55 Sunshine Golf Tour with Mario and Yoshi.

14:00 Switched 14:30 Kylie: Money Can’t Buy Concert but it can buy you: fast cars, loose women, chocolate, fat women, Editor Gary, a show on Xpress, an arse lift, cheese, a big boat, Exeter City and more cheese (what is it with women and cheese? FYI, Red Leicester was the most popular). 16:00 The Games: Athletes In Training 17:00 H Side Story 17:30 Friends 18:00 Hitch: T4 Movie Special 18:30 The O.C. 19:30 The Devil In Disguise - A Point Pleasant TV Special The Pope.

20:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 21:00 ER 22:00 Desperate Housewives The housewife gr would most like to fuck is Gabrielle Solis (the one fucking the gardener) 22:55 The O.C. 23:50 The Devil In Disguise - A Point Pleasant TV Special Camilla Parker Bowles.

12:20 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 01:15 ER 2:05 Hitch: T4 Movie Special Doyle tries his best to get into the pants of the new contributors but fails...this time. 0:35 The Games: Athletes In Training 03:35 Close

7.00 Our Home 7.30 Our Home 8.00 Our House 2 9.00 Our House 2 10.00 Home Front 11.00 Put Your Money Where Your House Is This is a serious problem gamblers face especially on such shows as Lock Stock.

11.30 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.00 Safe as Houses 13.00 House Chain: Under Offer 13.30 House Chain: Under Offer These are all repeats of the same show.

14.00 House Chain: Under Offer 14.30 House Chain: Under Offer 15.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 15.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 16.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 16.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 17.00 Safe as Houses 18.00 Safe as Houses 19.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 19.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 20.00 To Buy or Not to Buy Argh! Stop fucking asking the same fucking question!

20.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 21.00 Safe as Houses 22.00 Safe as Houses 23.00 Safe as Houses 0.00 Our House 2 01.00 Ready Steady Cook What happened to all the house shows? 02.00 Our Home 02.30 Our Home 03.00 Close

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19.00 The DVD Collection 19.30 Family Ties 20.00 British Isles: A User's Guide to Natural History 21.00 In Praise of Hardcore 22.15 Kenneth Tynan 22.55 Time Shift: Conchies: Questions of Conscience 23.35 British Isles: A User's Guide to Natural History 1) If you find a bone, wash it and give it to your local museum (unless it’s attached to you, in which case wash it and put it back) 2) always clean your spade 3) remember to pray to the god of digging, Tony Robinson. 0.35 Family Ties 01.05 The DVD Collection Topgun, Fatal Attraction, Family Guy Series 1 and 2, The O.C., Ghost, Donnie Darko, Dawsons Creek, Lost In Translation, American Pie 3: The Wedding, The Goonies, (Sports Tom) Korda: State Of The Art Underwater Carping 3 (Dir. Danny Fairbrass) 01.35 In Praise of Hardcore The programmers have finally realised, after weeks of TV Desk abuse, that the only way they’re going to get the ratings is to show gratutious pornography. 02.50 Kenneth Tynan: Male Jiggolo.

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6.00 GMTV 6.00 News 6.10 The Sunday Programme 7.30 Toonattik 9.25 Pet Alien 9.35 Art Attack The Tate Modern, the optometry building, Swansea and Fopp. 10.00 UP2U Well you can tell this show is down with the kids because of its text based title. Man, I wish I was a cool as this show. The Black Eyed Peas surely made the theme tune, or that fucking knobbing frog. 10.30 The Championship 11.15 My Favourite Hymns 12.15 Waterfront 12.45 Jonathan Dimbleby including Lunchtime News and Weather 13.40 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 13.45 Creature Comforts 14.00 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 15.00 F1: Australian Grand Prix 17.30 Do-It-Yourself, Mr Bean A comedy-of-errors as Rowan tries to wank into a crisp packet.

18.00 House of Horrors 18.25 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 18.40 ITV News; Weather 19.00 Emmerdale 19.30 Coronation Street 20.00 The Royals are doing pretty shit at the moment aren’t they? It’s only because Camilla is going to appear in Crufts (see BBC2) and the Queen can’t enter her own Corgies.

21.00 Falling 23.00 ITV News 23.05 The South Bank Show 0.05 F1: Australian Grand Prix 01.10 Churchill 02.05 Trisha 03.00 Today with Des and Mel 03.50 World Sport Antarctic Curling (with the added excitement of moving glaciers and global warming), octopush, canoe polo, hockey, funky-arsed disco dancing and spear chucking feature in today’s show.

04.15 ITV Nightscreen 05.30 ITV Early Morning News

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6:00 CBeebies: Fimbles 6:20 Fimbles 6:40 The Story Makers 7:00 CBBC: Looney Tunes 7:05 The Scooby and Scrappy Show 7:30 Smile 10:30 Sunday Style 12:00 Sunday Grandstand 12:05 Rugby Union: Powergen Cup Leeds v London Irish 14:00 Rugby Union: Powergen Cup Gloucester v Bath 16:00 Athletics: European Indoor Championships 18:30 Tennis: Davis Cup 2005 Israel v GB How on earth can we lose without Tim Henman playing?

Because we’re shit that’s why.

19:00 Crufts 2005: Preview Goldie Retriever Hawn, Terrier Dwyer, Pitbull The Younger, Corgie Hepburn, Golden Retriever Cassidy, Jarvis Cocker Spaniel, Pitbull The Elder, St. Bernard Manning, Steve Bulldog, Brad Pitbull, Stan Colliemore, Father Poodle Maguire, Snoop Doggy Dog, Sue Barker, Camilla Barker Bowles, Lil Bow wow.

20:00 Ray Mears' Bushcraft Including the Brazilian, the Hollywood, the heart shaped box and merkin.

21:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 21:30 HELP 22:00 Outlaws 22:30 Match of the Day 2 23:15 Arrested Development 23:40 The Mighty Boosh This was my nickname at school. It’s huge. 0:10 Rugby Special 0:50 FILM: Stranger on the Third Floor (1940) There are two hippos living on my third floor and they can’t seem to wander around without falling through my floor. If you’re reading this, move out. I don’t like you. 02:00 BBC Learning Zone: WorkSkills: Make Your Mark.

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19:35 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 20:00 Down to Earth 21:00 Comic Relief Does Fame Academy My top 5 most annoying things about Comic Relief: 1) Those fucking red noses for cars which manage to stay glued to said car for three years 2) The ridiculous ‘comic’ episodes of Eastenders 3) Shit bands with piss poor music (read: Girls Aloud) 4) Lenny ‘massive cunt’ Henry 5) The people who aerodynamically test the red noses for cars. Cunts.

22:00 BBC News; Weather Where’s the snow? I want a day off.

22:15 Panorama 23:00 Billy Connolly's World Tour of England, Ireland and Wales If you’re lucky you might be able to catch him at BlaneuFfestiniog tonight. Chances are though, you won’t. Join the club. 23:30 FILM: Blow Dry (2001) 01:00 The Sky at Night I hate to ruin this one but it’s black. 01:25 Joins BBC News 24 Go to theataris.com and download the lovely songs Kris Roe has left for you re: the new album. Mmm...My Bloody Valentine.

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Gair Rhydd Problem Page

Page 42

The Phil Collins Photo Casebook EP.4 WEEK 3

Dr. Matthew problempage@gairrhydd.com - Give me your face

Woodworm: the horrific truth Dear Matthew, After your brief mention of woodworm attacks in that surgery thing, we felt

Thunderbird 5 received Phil’s distress signal from his mansion roof, but couldn’t really be arsed doing anything.

we ought to share our current predicament with you. We currently believe woodworm is about to cause upstairs to become downstairs in a rather messy way.

Thing is, we’ve only got the rest of this term to live here, and so we haven’t actually told our landlord about the situation. We figured that the next year’s tenants would be a bit more ballsy and sort it out for themselves. Is that legal? Is it moral? We are scared of our landlord and her maintenance crew. They look at us strangely.

Please advise forthwith.

A house of 3rd years, frightened of the roof.

Suddenly, Moira Stuart appeared in a large fork-lift truck (dressed as a ninja). Moira called Phil and told him to get to the back of the house.

February 28 2005

The first thing anyone should do with a problem like this is consider the landlord for around three seconds. Then remember that fundamentally, landlords don’t exist (at all), but for one week in a year when they touch each other suggestively and generate inflation figures by collectively blowing up a massive balloon with numbers written up its side. Then they laugh a bit and touch each other again. By doing this you can overlook monetary issues and can thus concentrate wholly and inter-

estingly on your Housal Haemorrhage. Thing is, recent evidence has implied that if you let your house implode without notifying anyone the ensuing events WILL occur: Day one: House implodes dramatically and unnecessarily. Day two: Ambulance appears, dramatically and (sort of) necessarily. Day three: Local Council Official cordons off area and deploys squad of snipers. They wait tentatively outside the proposed "Landlord Inflation Party" for a number of weeks, before getting bored and going home for chips. Day four: National media descends on ground zero-point-three. They take some photos; dick about. Day five: National Assembly tells ‘that other government’ that something sinister has happened to the Mass Media (referring to sniper boredom). Day six: UK Government declares Martial Law after Bored Sniper Team begins shooting willynilly, injuring a phone box and killing six more Mass Medias. Day seven: Civil uprising begins against Bored Snipers and assorted collections of populace; proGovernment counter-revolutionaries kill most people. Day eight: Most people are dead. Day nine: Not everyone is dead because some planes arrive from Europe carrying eight counter-counter-revolutionary troops. Situation becomes ever more confusing when a man promises everyone

that he is a landlord. Media outrage is caused; landlords were expected to be mythical creatures.

Day ten: Everyone has forgotten why nearly everyone is dead.

Europe sends colonial task-force and declares the UK a European state. Robert Kilroy-Silk explodes.

Day eleven: raiders raid things worth raiding. Day twelve: God turns up and promptly leaves again, citing religious passages about landlords usurping heaven with large numbered balloons. Day thirteen: woodworms declare war on remainder of humanity. Day fourteen: Syria mysteriously vanishes. Day fifteen: Woodworms expose wooden foundations under Syria. America is blamed, promptly takes off and throws its obese children at Russia. Day sixteen: Russia admits building Syria out of wood before anyone found out.

Bit of a giggle. Day seventeen: Humans exponentially decrease as woodworms decide to eat them instead of any remaining Balsa/Mahogany. Day eighteen: Something bad happens. Day nineteen: nuclear warheads detonated – resulting in a failure to hit ANY woodworms. Day twenty: The world falls off the Milky Way. Day twenty-one: Mars wobbles (a bit) and recalls all variants of woodworm.

Beware.

Matt.

‘Television is ruining my degree’ Dr. Matthew,

Mowing down millions of protesters, Moira swathes a passage through to the back of the house. The Anti-Phil campaign is shattered.

After jumping from the roof to a tree, Phil hops on to Moira’s vehicle. She grins and they have sex. Phil is safe for now, but his house is wrecked.

The End

This week I have noticed that whenever I have the greatest amount of work to do I find myself spending inordinate quantities of time doing strictly bollocks all… and really enjoying

it. However, when I have nothing to do I always have to be active and hate sitting about. Why the hell does this happen? I mean, no one actually enjoys watching Murder, She Wrote, do they? Why do the stories suddenly seem so gripping to me even though, intelligent as I am, I know that it is utter shit and I am going to fail my degree because of it? I have spoken of this bizarre phenomenon to my friends and all they can offer as an answer is that I don’t want to do my work and so become easily distracted. Surely this cannot be a reasonable explanation as I believe myself to be a rational human being not swayed by mind distracting techniques aimed at (and let’s be honest here) mere peasants.

So now I see you as my last

bastion of hope to save my peace of mind lest I go insane. I cannot stop thinking of this and have not conceptualised one theory as of yet.

Please, please, please save my precious sanity.

Laura, 2nd Year I can’t save anyone until I’ve finished puberty. My mum keeps ringing me to do hair counts and if I have a real chest hair in a month I’ll get another gold star and a Lego speedboat. Bit less embarrassing than the "Child, did you pack your plastic sheet to stay at your friend’s?" scenario (especially at nine years old).

The moral of my response is don’t listen to your friends. They appear to be thick. No-one suggests that small things distract from proper work. That is completely, comprehensively and convincingly STUPID. Why don’t you slay the television? I hear water doesn’t agree too well with electrical stuff, though the electric toothbrush still flummoxes me. It can go underwater and swims and

things like that. In fact the electric toothbrush lives for water and being in moist places. Pretty outstanding. Humans are better though).

In the case of ‘peasants’ that share your affinity for Murder, She Wrote (and did she really write murder? – baffling) I can share only a mild empathy, because going any further sends me potty.

You might like to remind yourself that not working at all aligns you with vegans, communists, children, celebrities, Michael Winner and perhaps not so obviously: the unemployed. All a bit wet lettuce, if you know what I mean.

Now you see that working hard is a better alternative, don’t you? If you don’t then, please wrap the live wire around your wrists, sellotape yourself to the television and jump out of a window into a pond. Preferably when the pond isn’t a pond but a puddle and the koi carp in there are actually Mars Bar wrappers and oil playing tricks on you.

Matt

Nightline : 029 2022 3993:

Nothing.

Not a sausage. Not even the faintest glimmer of an idea, not even an idea about what that glimmering might look like. It might be shiny; for the love of babies it ought to be.

But I can’t quite deliberate the argument when all other functions are concentrating on Why I’m So Empty. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea why I’m doing absolutely the opposite of what I’m meant to be doing. If I was meant to be doing something, I have completely mislaid that very something. Perhaps it fell into a hole that swallows somethings. Either way, I’m fucked. Historically, doing something retains a sense of purpose. Historically, something happening constitutes a more important something happening elsewhere. Beyond this we can reduce something beyond its original essence of something to something else. This something else can then turn into something else again, just by touching it, or throwing it, or even sexing it up. Sexing something up obviously sexualises the something, and doing this can lead to arrest and/or terrorist charges.

So, something that was at first lost has begun to find some meaning. Or has it? Perhaps if I were to continue my analysis of what something actually means I might be able to generate a comphrensive database of ‘something’ to rival the famous book ‘The Dictionary’.

That way, nothing to write about has turned into something to write about, even if that something has absolutely no point or semblance of importance. This something has successfully thus far contributed to a good percentage of this small bar. Let’s talk about the something that this bar comprises. It’s a part of a page that does something in a bigger paper that does something else, but not necessarily in any order of importance. This page is completely devoid of any importance, mind you, I have no illusions of something called ‘grandeur’.

Dr. Matthew’s Surgery Yes? 0800-NO.STOP IT I hate you, and you know I do 0800-HAH! Hungry?

0800-YOUWOULDBE STILL HUNGRY? 0800-FATFUCKER Censor me.

0800-I MRUDE

Free Stuff

February 28 2005

Page 43

competitions@gairrhydd.com

grab!

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

Spring is in the air

THE BRISK chill of the last week may have detracted you all from the upcoming beauteous season that is Spring. But trust me my dears, it is coming.

Yes kids, very soon the weather will be getting warmer and the nights getting lighter, which means a whole new spring wardrobe for you fashionistas out there.

Miss Selfridge’s new range complements every occasion. And with a 10% discount for us lucky students, there really is no excuse for not

Signed by the author A LITTLE comp for all you Welsh speakers out there. I have managed to get my little hands on a signed copy of Raslas Bach a Mawr by the Welsh actor, author and minister’s son Wynford Ellis Owen.

A man who has tried everything he shouldn’t have – from alcohol and drugs to sex, work and food addiction - the clear message conveyed within his autobiography is that there is a way out. You don’t have to suffer.

Throughout this autobiography Owen chronicles his journey to the depths of despair and the damage he caused to his family and friends. The book also charts his road to recovery after hitting rock bottom outside an off licence in Aberystwyth in 1992.

However, this is not a book about tragedy and tales of woe.

As the creator of the legendary Syr Wynff ap Concord y Bos and the award winning S4C series Porc Peis Bach, which has enraptured generations of children in Wales, he has included many hilarious anecdotes and examples of some of the craziest escapades he got up to during his varied and long stage and television career.

When speaking of his biography, Wynford says: "The process of writing this autobiography was a difficult and painful one, having to relive past hurts, not only for myself but also for my wife Meira who read and approved each day’s draft. I also had to be sensitive towards other people’s feelings, especially those of my children and close family.

“However, it was necessary to write this autobiography in the hope that one person could identify with my experiences, and therefore avoid the hell which was my existence for 27 years.”

We have a great review of the book in Taf-od (page 11) for you to check out, or you could answer this easy question and win a free signed copy of the book for yourself.

Where and when did Wynford Ellis Owen hit rock bottom?

Enter in the usual way.

splashing out on a wonderful new spring outfit including that beautiful floral skirt you’ve had your eye on or a tiny little tank top and warm cardi for those more blustery days. We are living in Wales after all.

For any Sienna Miller, SJP or Kate Moss wannabes, getting that look just right is now even easier with the all-new Miss Selfridge re-loadable giftcard.

So my cherubs, use your 10% student discount wisely and kick start your sensational spring and summer wardrobe with a trip to Miss Selfridge or check out www.missselfridge.co.uk for a cheeky look at all the new designs and looks available to you on the high street.

I have the perfect competition to celebrate this gorgeous new range. All you have to do is answer this super-easy question to get your hands on a brand new re-loadable voucher with 25 quid to spend. How generous am I? Which collection unites florals, metallic stripes and bold prints? Enter in the usual way.

FOLKLORIC CHIC is inspired by diverse Eastern European cultures, and has an authentic 70s folk feel. Simple broderie anglaise blouses combined with floral prairie skirts create a feminine yet eclectic look. Oversized beads, bangles and leather belts complete the look.

RICH EXOTICA unites florals, metallic stripes and bold prints for a colourful and exuberant style.

Dresses are key this season with soft layering,

handkerchief hems and halter-necks. The look is versatile and can be worn with strappy Grecian sandles or print covered wedges.

SUMMER FESTIVAL has a pretty hippy feel, merging retro and vintage with an emphasis on casualwear.

Worn denim, cheesecloth shirts and printed kaftans create a festival vibe. Key colours are lilac, pink and lemon teamed with dark denim.

Stiff as a board ITS STARTING to get to the end of term again and those of you (like myself) who are absolutely skint will surely be feeling the pressure by now. But don’t fret my loves, I have a fabulous new board game which will guarantee you a night of fun and frolics on the cheap.

Foolin' Around is the fab, new, fun and flirtatious game for adults that lets you get saucy with your mates and get away with it.

It's guaranteed to get the party buzzing and there's no limit on the number of players so everyone can quite literally get stuck into each other.

Foolin’ Around includes over a hundred game cards split into six revealing, inventive and down-

right saucy categories. So you can make the game as tame or as risqué as you like.

With great accessories such as balloons for action games and play tape for blindfolding, the game has everything you need for an evening of fun and frolics.

Foolin' Around is available at £19.99 from www.nookii.com or phone 07000 666 544 for your very own edition of this marvel-

And the winner is...

lous game.

Then again, you don’t have to bother with all that, simply answer the super-easy question below because my little self at grab! has a game to give away. Just organise a gathering of your most fanciable mates, add booze and get one of these games in.

To win youself a copy just answer this really easy question and get snogging away.

What do you call someone who is always the life and soul of the party? (a) Party vegetable (b) Party mineral (c) Party animal Enter in the usual way.

CONGRATULATIONS TO Becky Davey: you have won yourself a Nik Nak goodie pack for all your post-Valentine’s needs. Bryher Toms: well done, you have got your mits on some Burton vouchers. Also a huge congrats to Marie Walker who has got her hands on some tickets to see Ocean’s Twelve. I will contact you when your prizes are ready.

All you have to do to enter all these lovely competitons is to email me at the address at the top of the page or pop a little note in my pigeonhole on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union. Many more fabulous comps next week, from clothes to books to all sorts, so keep reading.

Listings

Page 44

February 28 2005

grlistings@cf.ac.uk

gair rhydd’s Cardiff listings with Muddiman, Sefton and Schmit The three-headed beast that is listings desk variously recommends...

Art Brut

Welsh Music Awards

@Barfly

@City Hall

Mon 28th Feb

Tues 1st Mar / £55

7.30pm / £5 adv

Schmit Recommends

W

ales' principal music award ceremony will take place at the City Hall on Tuesday, in what is sure to be a flashy, celebrity-spotting event.

This year Amanda ProtheroeThomas and Richie ‘Vibe’ Vee present the awards, and with a few changes this may be one of the best yet. There will be many celebrity envelope openers, plus fantastic live performances from Akira the Don, Elin Fflur, and Special Guests.

A new look format sees 25 award categories in all making this year’s awards even more fiercely contested among Wales' finest.

The new date enables artists and music releases for the whole of 2004 to be covered and appropriately-

Muddiman Recommends

A

rt Brut. What does it mean? I didn’t have a clue.

Until, that is, I came across the info from Art Brut’s press people who must have foreseen this slight difficulty in comprehension.

They kindly provide us with a special little quote that tidies things up nicely: In the words of French artist Jean Dubuffet, "I want to replace Western art with that of the jungle, the lavatory, the mental institution – l’art brut.”

Now isn’t that just peachy. Art Brut is raw art, ‘uncooked’ by cultural and artistic institutions. It is also the nom de choix of the band rocking our dear little Barfly courtesy of Virgin Mobile Louder -

Fairplay @Solus, Students’ Union Tues 1st Mar 9pm / £2

on Monday night.

"I want to be the boy, the man, that writes the song that makes Israel and Palestine get along" and "I’m going to write a song as universal as Happy Birthday" are just two of the meagre claims/ambitions of Art Brut vocalist Eddie Argos. So they’re not setting their sights too high then.

Here’s the background: Art Brut’s debut single, Formed a Band, is unsurprisingly a song about forming a band and was written five minutes after Chris Chinchilla (Guitar), Freddy Feedback (Bass), Eddie Argos (Vocals), Ian Catskilkin (Guitar) and Mike (Drums) had decided to form a band.

It’s a calling card, statement of intent, and manifesto all rolled up

Sefton Recommends

F

airtrade Fortnight is upon us and as inhabitants of the world’s first official Fairtrade Capital City – Cardiff was awarded the title last year – we should all be getting into the spirit of the occasion.

And this night of live music, Fairtrade foodstuffs, rampant creativity, and seriously good vibrations is the perfect way to do just that. What’s more, you can cele-

places the event on St David's Day. The event, which is a celebration of Welsh Music Industry achievements, is focused on providing a platform for emerging talent and a showcase for existing artists.

Previous winners include Manic Street Preachers, Super Furry Animals, Lostprophets, Funeral For A Friend, Goldie Lookin Chain and High Contrast, and with names like these, it suggests that the Awards may unearth more musical talents this year.

Voting closed on the 18th February, but even if you missed out on the voting side of things, there’s still time to get your ticket, don your tux and get the champagne flowing.

Go on, treat yourself.

A feature of these awards that stands out is that all categories include an ‘other’ section, giving voters complete freedom of choice to reward who and whatever they want in the Welsh Music Industry.

The Awards profiles not just the major stars but also up and coming artists, producers, musicians, labels and clubs, all examples of a thriving music industry in Wales.

Tickets for the Welsh Music Awards are still available from Box Office priced at £55. Ticket price includes a champagne reception and meal; to book your tickets call 029 2025 6881.

into three minutes of cathartic punk rock. Having been penned and recorded so quickly, it was licensed to Rough Trade five minutes after A & R James Endeacott heard it.

That’s two five minute claims there? Suspicious if you ask me.

But who can blame them for spinning us a good story. NME dubbed the single an ‘Insanely brilliant demo of stuttering art-rock’ - can’t be bad.

Their other tracks have similarly obvious title-subject matter relations, for example, Modern Art and My Little Brother. Inspired. Head down to Barfly on Monday if you fancy some straight-up, back to basics arty/punky/energetic enthusiasm. I wouldn’t make any bets on the Middle East though.

brate Saint David’s Day into the bargain.

The mighty Optimas Prime (live band + MCs) headline, with Fortune (live d’n’b), Kilnaboy (punk/folk/roots), A Lesser Known Rumour (indie rock), and DJ Killer Tomato (of new Union night, ‘Quality Control’) fill out the bill.

With not a weak act amongst them, this certainly looks to be a very fine night of musical entertainment indeed.

"Who is responsible for such a

marvellous St David’s Day shindig?" I hear you cry. Well it should come as little surprise that the guilty parties are none other than People & Planet and the Live Music Society, two of the most active student societies in the Students’ Union and neither of then strangers to these pages.

What will really make this night special is the inclusion of a variety of additional attractions in the form of interactive art stations, a chillout lounge, circus performers and the

piéce de resistance, the People and Planet Fairtrade Café, which made its triumphant debut at the fantastic Back To Being event in Solus a couple of weeks back.

I can happily recommend the chocolate cake and I’ve heard promising rumours regarding the carrot cake. All the cafe’s goods will be made with fairtrade products to ensure an ethical, as well as delectable, experience.

Doors open at 9pm and at just £2 a ticket you surely can’t go wrong.

Listings

February 28 2005

Page 45

listings@gairrhydd.com

Behold, gair rhydd’s much loved, and very nearly reliable, day by day listings.

If it’s on it could be in. But maybe not. We live to promote the joys of uncertainty.

Thursday03/03

Fun Factory @Solus, SU Alternative anthems. 10pm. Free with NUS. On the Side @Fun Factory @ Solus, SU The Live Music Society take over the ‘Xpress Lounge’.

Coordinated @Amber Lounge House, breaks, funk, soul and disco with Gareth Davies and Mr Potter. 7-11pm £1 NUS. Student Night @The Club Unappealing night of R’n’B, Old School, Dance, Trance & Top 40 hits. Free - presumably because they don’t have the balls to charge money for this shite.

New Noise @Metros Alternative therapy for the musically depressed. New music. New ideas. New noise. Double+mixer for 80p until 10pm.

9pm-2am. £3 before 11pm.

Open Mic @The Toucan Hosted by Jeff and Rowan. 8pm-12.30am. £1 after 9pm.

Jazz Attic Jam Session @Cafe Jazz Musicians and singers can sign in at the door to perform with the house trio. Variable quality of playing/ singing but always enjoyable.

8.45pm £2 or £1 if you sign up to perform.

Milk @Moloko DJ Phoenix and friends play Nu Jazz, Latin, broken beats, deep house and beyond.

Specialist beer and spirit offers. 8pm-2am.

Free.

Live @Clwb Ifor Bach Martini Henry Rifles, International Karate.

The Martini Henry Rifles are back due to popular demand. The band signed up to local label FF Vinyl a few years back and haven't looked back since. 8pm. £5 Live @Barfly Art Brut/ The Chalets/ Cajita (See facing page for details).

Live @St. David’s Hall Van Leirop - Drawing the Human Form.10am. £12.50.

Tuesday01/03

Comedy Club @Seren Las, SU Live stand-up comedians. 8-11pm. £4.

Fairplay @Solus, SU (See facingpage for details.)

Sabotage @Metros Rock, Metal, Punk, Emo. £1 before 11pm.

Rock Inferno @Clwb Ifor Bach Rock, Metal, Goth. Pretty much the same as above then, though in a slighlty less sweaty dive. 9pm. £2.50.

Soul Motion @Moloko Wildly popular night with solid DJs playing deep funk, rare soul, Tamla Motown, jazz dance and boogaloo. Classic tunes and hidden gems. One of the very finest nights out to be had in Cardiff according to this soul fan.

Boasts a decent dancefloor surface too which is a must for all that shaking and baking you’ll be doing there. 7pm-2am. Free.

Acoustic Bar @The Toucan Open mic sessions brought to you by ‘Circular Music’. Hosted by Jeff and Rowan, fresh from Camden Town. 8pm-12.30am. £1 after 9pm.

Live @Barfly Black Casper/ Little Less Detail/ Wilcox.

Time TBC. £4.50 Live @St. David’s Hall BBC National Orchestra of Wales Concert for St David's Day. One of Wales’ most hotlytipped young performers, pianist Llˆyr Williams, is the soloist in Mozart’s sublime Concerto, and the Hoddinott at 75 series reaches its climax with a performance of Dragon Fire. £9.50-£19.50 Westlife @CIA Complete tossers and no mistake. But if you’ve got a spare £28 to waste and a penchant for self-inflicted misery... 7pm. £27.50 adv.

Welsh Music Awards @City Hall (see facing page for details) Salsa @Callaghans Learn salsa... for free!

Wednesday02/03

Rubber Duck @Solus, SU The Union’s mid-week bonanza. 10pm-2am. £3.50/£3 adv.

Wednesday Social @The Barfly Relax and soak up the atmosphere or even play an impromptu set. 12noon-2:30pm.

All 3 Floors @Clwb Ifor Bach Perhaps Cardiff’s most consistently popular night. Cheesy Club: motown, funk, disco.

Popscene: Indie. Milky Bar: Electric chill out and Playstations! 9.30pm. £2.50 (NUS).

Cheapskates @Metros Alternative & Cheese. 9pm-2am.

Hang the DJ @The Model Inn No DJs were harmed in the making of this night. 8pm. Free.

Traffic @The Philharmonic Our very own DJ and clubbing society’s weekly night. 8pm-1am. Free for members/ £1 NUS. Bang! @Barfly Popscene has outgrown Clwb’s three floors at last. This is the overspill. 10.30pm-2am. £3.50/£3 NUS. Wednesdays @Moloko Spud, Optimas Prime, Kovas, Focus, Haze, Paul B, regular skate/surf/snow videos, sweets. Monthly breakdancers,VJs + special guest DJs/acts. 8pm-3am.

Bread and Butter @The Toucan Night of Hip Hop and New Beats. 10pm. £2.

Dick Hamer @The Riverbank Hotel Much admired local saxophonist., no doubt with fine support. Big fan of the free bar snacks. 9pm. £4/£3 NUS. Live @Barfly Towers Of London/ Locus Of Control/ Death To Plan A. Towers Of London’s notoriety has increased with every inflammatory and unapologetic live show. 7.30pm. £5 adv.

Live @St. David’s Hall The Venus Blazing Tour. Magical lighting sets the scene for Gribbin's theatrical violin concerto,Venus Blazing. £12-£14.

Behind D Mask @Seren Las There is a top night in prospect here as the Carribean Carnival comes to Cardiff for this Xpress Radio event which will be recorded for subsequent broadcast over the Cardiff airwaves (87.7fm). Various cracking DJs will be keeping the crowds in high spirits, so get along in your finest carnival mask and outfit (prizes for the best), and make yourselves heard. £2.

Enthusiasm @Moloko Hip hop/d‘n’b night. ‘Til 3am. Free before 11pm.

Devious @Barfly Track requests + top tunes + cheap drinks = a rocking night out! 10.30pm-2am. £3.

Boomshanka @Toucan Bar Acoustic soul and hippy funk with The Pockets.

8pm-1am. £3/£2.

Live @Clwb Ifor Bach Shaped By Fate / When Reason Sleeps / CoExist / Reflux / Eden Maine. Local heroes Shaped By Fate are back by popular demand.

After releasing the split EP ‘The Fire Which In My Heart Resides’ with friends Johnny Mental, Radio 1 Rock Show DJ Mary Anne Hobbs has been all over them like a rash. 7pm. £5.

Live @St. David’s Hall Lunchtime Concert. Frank Bridge Phantasie Trio in C minor (1907) 1pm. £5.

Electric Six @Solus, SU First came to prominence after Danger! High Voltage crashed into the charts. The band, who hail from Detroit, ensured their place in music history with the unforgettable follow up single Gay Bar, but the less said about their cover of Radio Ga Ga the better. 7pm. £12.

Live @Barfly The Raveonettes / The Boxer Rebellion. The Raveonettes (Sharin Foo and Sune Rose Wagner) have begun building a brand new rock 'n' roll sound. 7pm. £8 adv.

Waves in the Chatroom @Sherman Theatre Cerys in Cardiff begins a virtual friendship with Michel in Montreal through their love of the Super Furry Animals. The pair grow closer while their home lives become more turbulent. £5-£8.

Friday04/03

Saturday05/03

Sunday06/03

Venues

Monday28/02

Quality Control @The Taf, SU New night in the Taf hosted by top-notch DJ, Killer Tomato, and featuring top local guest DJs, spinning hip hop, funk, breaks and drum and bass. A brand new departure for the Taf and a very welcome one at that. Long may it continue. 9pm-2am Free.

Fat Friday @Solus, SU Half fat to Moloko’s full. A revamped Lashtastic. Too early to say what effect it may or may not have had. 10pm-2am.

Full Fat @Moloko Full Fat features a mix of cheeky bootlegs to the heaviest funk, old skool classics, jump up party breaks and the best new music. Get loose on the dancefloor or chill out and enjoy retro vids/ visuals. Free entry before 11pm.

Chaos @Metros This is a real rock-type night. Begone cheesy Wednesday saps. £2.50 before 10pm.

First Friday @Clwb Ifor Bach 10pm. £8.

Acoustic Café @Toucan Bar DJs Kris Jenkins and Chaz in control downstairs. Free before 10pm £3.50 after.

Live @Barfly Ari-Up plays the music of The Slits, Captain Paranoid, Along Came Man. The Slits, fronted by Ari-Up, the most influential all-girl punk band from the punk era. They were loud, brash, bold and unrepentant and never compromised their image or stance. Apparently one of Kurt Cobain’s favourite bands.

7.30pm. £7 adv.

Paul Weller @CIA This is a rescheduled gig from November 18.

Original tickets still valid, refunds available from point of purchase. Former Jam and Style Council frontman, Paul Weller rediscovered himself as a solo talent in the 90s, effortlessly straddling the fields of indie, rock and acoustic musings. 7pm. £28.50 Dolan Jones @The Riverbank Hotel A new face on the Cardiff jazz scene.9pm. £4/£3 NUS.

Come Play @Solus Party tunes in the main room; hip hop, breaks, etc. in Junction Bar; jazz, soul, latin in the Xpress Lounge. 10pm-2am. £3.50 adv.

Blueprint @Moloko Retro disco, future house, disco roots. Ends at 2am, drinks promos all night. Free before 10pm.

Saturday @Incognito Swiss & pals from the house circuit of Wales and the west. Guests include Gareth Cortez, Funky Dorey, Cool House, Escape. Until 2am.

Uberalles @Barfly New club night with the usual indie suspects and sweaty atmosphere.

Delinquent @Metros Alternative and new music. 9pm-3am. Free with flyer before 10pm/£4.

Acoustic Cafe @Toucan DJ Captain Paranoid and Kris Jenkins downstairs. £3.50 Free before 10pm.

Live @Clwb Ifor Bach Zabrinski / Attack And Defend. The criminally underrated Zabrinski return for a one-off show at Clwb. Following the amazing 'Executive Decision’ EP and the limited 7" 'Feeding On Our Filth' last year, hopefully we'll get to hear some new songs. 9pm. £6 .

Doves @Great Hall, SU The Doves used to be a house band that went under the name Sub Sub. By some twist of fate fire destroyed everything Sub Sub owned and the trio decided to call time on Sub Sub. However, from those ashes Doves did rise.

Their debut album Lost Souls established them as one of Britain’s most talented and exciting guitar bands. Follow up The Last Broadcast hit number 1 and catapulted them into superstardom. 7pm. £16.50.

Live @Barfly Pinstripe Mafia / Lights Above Cairo / The Avenue. Cardiff's Pinstripe Mafia deal in knockout doses of garage-style ska-parping rock 'n' roll. A little bit X-Ray Spex and a lot of fun. 7pm. £4 adv.

Uncle Midriff’s Open Mic Jazz Jam @Seren Las, SU The Cardiff University Big Band feature in this weeks jazz party, hosted by the Cardiff Student Jazz Society. The big band will be performing tasty arrangements of classic big band tunesfrom the likes of Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman. 8-11pm. £2 society members/£3 everyone else.

Sunday @Incognito Audio Chefs' end of the week: “a night that takes you wherever you want to go.” By which they mean “a night that takes you wherever you want to go so long as you want to go to a mediocre bar and only listen to house music.” 8pm-12.30am.

No Wax @Moloko Bring your MP3s and you be the DJ! 7pm2am. Free entry.

Acoustic Cafe @Toucan Bar Open mic acoustic sessions where anyone can get up and jam or just sit back, relax and listen. The Toucan provides the guitar and microphone, you provide the talent. Hosted

by Peter and Lee. 8pm-12.30am. £1 after 9pm.

Live @Barfly Fandangle / Skankt / More Than Normal / May Contain Nuts. If ever a record label was a measure of quality within a genre, Mook Ska Europe deserves such a reputation.

Fandangle have been handed that very seal of approval, with their own defiant brand of ska punk that wows with eccentric lyrics and a party vibe. 7pm. £4 Live @ St. David’s Hall Katherine Jenkins. The 24-year-old teacher hit the headlines this year when she became the fastest-selling female opera singer since Maria Callas. 7.30pm. She doesn’t come cheap mind. £20-£22.

Cleverdick Quiz @The Taf Questions.

MedClub Quiz @MedBar More of the same. 8pm.

Student’s Union, Park Place 02920 387421, www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach, 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199, www.clwb.net The Toucan, 95-97 St Mary Street 02920 372212, www.toucanclub.co.uk Barfly, Kingsway.

0870 9070999, www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939, www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Molokos, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Club, 8-10 High Street 02920 664577 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, St Mary Street 02920 387026, www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444, www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400, www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000, www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay, Cardiff Bay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium If you can’t find it you’re silly www.millenniumstadium.com

“That’s IMG; you’ve got to take the rough with the smooth.”

Spor t gair rhydd

Issue 781 28 February 2005 | Email: sport@gairrhydd.com Sports Editors: John Stanton and Thom Airs

Fergus Houlden, Law A captain, February 2005

Misery for rugby 2nds

Snooker loopy

Men’s rugby seconds suffer last-minute heartache

Uni seconds are on-cue in BUSA knock-out

Page 50

Page 51

Below: Comprehensive guide to results, fixtures and tables

IMG

FIXTURES

FOOTBALL FIXTURES 02/03/05 Premier Division Law A v Banko FC Earth Soc v Economics Engin A v Law B Accountancy v Carbs B First Division AFC History v RP Lakers Chemsoc v Carbs A Momed v Jomec John Jenkins FC v Japsoc Second Division Athletico Roy v Woodville Screamers

Architecture v Dynamo Centurion Engin B v Optometry Cardiff Dragons v Irish Third Division Inter Me Nan v Pyscho Athletico Vasco de Pharma v Christian Union Euros v AFC Camp Allen English Soc v Socsi

W

D

L

GD

Pts

4 4

3

1

0

10

10

1 Cardiff Uni A

2 Law A

2

2

0

9

3 Earth Soc

4

2

1

1

-2

8 7

4 Accountancy

4

1

3

0

3

5 Banko FC

1

1

2

-2

6 Law B

4 4

1

1

2

7 Economics

4

1

0

3

8 Carbs B

4

0

1

3

-9

Pos

P

W

D

L

5 5

5

0

0

52

15

2 Pharmacy A

4

0

1

24

3 Chemsoc A

5

2

0

3

-1

12 6

6

4 Psychology A

5

2

0

3

-7

6

4

5 Law A

1

0

3

-9

3

-3

4

6 Psychology B

4 4

0

0

4

-59

0

-8

3 1

W

D

L

GD

Pts

1 Japsoc

4

2

2

0

4

8

2 John Jenkins FC

4

2

1

1

4

7

3 Chemsoc

4

2

1

1

1

7

4 RP Lakers

4

2

0

2

2

6

5 AFC History

4

1

1

2

2

4

6 Jomec

1

1

2

-4

4

7 Carbs A

4 4

1

0

3

-5

3

8 Momed

4

1

0

3

-6

3

Division 2

I MG Pos

P

W

D

L

GD

Pts

1 Cardiff Dragons

4

3

1

0

8

10

2 Athletico Roy

4

3

0

1

9

9

3 Engin B

4

2

1

1

4

7

4 Architecture

4

2

0

2

-2

6

5 Woodville Scr’ers

4

1

2

1

-1

5

6 Optometry

4

1

1

2

-5

4

7 Dynamo C’turion

4

0

2

2

-4

2

8 Irish

4

0

1

3

-9

1

W

D

L

5 5

4

1

0

66

13

2 Carbs A

4

1

0

60

3 Law B

5

3

0

2

1

13 9

4 Chemsoc B

5

2

0

3

-42

6

5 Carbs B

5 5

1

0

4

-44

3

0

0

5

-41

0

6 Pharmacy B

GD

Pts

Division 2

IMG Pos

P

W

D

L

GD

5 5

4

0

1

33

12

2 Optometry B

3

1

1

2

3 Pharmacy C

5

2

1

2

23

10 7

4 English Soc

5

2

0

3

7

6

5 Optometry A

5 5

2

0

3

-27

6

1

0

4

-38

3

1 Socsi

6 Engin Girls

Pts

Rugby Pool A

IMG Pos

P

W

D

L

GD

1

0

0

24

2

2 Carbs A

1 1

1

0

0

21

1 Pharmacy

Division 3

I MG

Pts

P

1 Cardiff Uni B

P

GD

Division 1

IMG Pos

Division 1

I MG

Pos

Pts

P

W

D

L

GD

Pts

3 MASTS

2

1

0

1

19

2 2

1 Christian Union

4

3

1

0

5

10

4 Engine

2

0

0

2

-64

0

2 Vasco de Pharm’

4

3

0

1

5

9

3 Psycho Athletico

4

2

1

1

3

7

Pos

4 AFC Camp Allen

4

2

1

1

2

Pool B

IMG Pos

P

W

D

L

GD

Pts

2

0

0

24

4

1

0

1

-4

5 Euros

4

2

0

2

0

7 6

6 Inter Me Nan

4

1

1

2

-1

4

2 Carbs B

2 2

7 English Soc

4

1

0

3

-3

3

3 Gym Gym

2

1

0

1

-7

2 2

8 Socsi

4

0

0

4

-11

0

4 Law

2

0

0

2

-13

0

1 SAWSA

Netball Results: 16/02/05 Premier Division CARDIFF UNI A 15 - 4 PSYCHOLOGY A CHEMSOC A 15 - 9 LAW A PSYCHOLOGY B 5 - 26 PHARMACY A Division One CHEMSOC B 4 - 20 CARDIFF UNI B CARBS A 21 - 7 LAW B CARBS B L - L PHARMACY B Division Two OPTOMETRY A L - L ENGLISH SOC PHARMACY C 6 - 13 SOCSI OPTOMETRY B 6 - 5 ENGIN GIRLS

23/02/05

Premier Division PSYCHOLOGY A 12 - 12 PHARMACY A CARDIFF UNI A 17 - 0 CHEMSOC A Division Two PHARMACY C 13 - 1 ENGIN GIRLS PHARMACY C walk-over (20 - 0) OPTOMETRY A

Football Results: 16/02/05

Premier

IMG

P

1 Engin A

Teams with byes to the last 16: Pharmacy C, Pharmacy B, Engin, Cardiff B, Cardiff A, Chemsoc B, Pharmacy A, Cardiff C

Netball

Premier

IMG

Chemsoc A v Optometry A English v Carbs B Economics v Law B Psycho B v Sawsa Psycho A v Gym Gym Carbs A v Christian Union Socsi v Law A Optometry B v Medics 3s

NETBALL FIXTURES 02/03/05 IMG CUP COMPETITION Last 32

Football Pos

IMG RESULTS

Premiership LAW A 1 - 1 ACCOUNTANCY EARTH SOC 1 - 4 ENGIN A ECONOMICS 0 - 4 BANKO LAW B 4 - 0 CARBS B Division One AFC HISTORY 4 - 3 JOHN JENKINS FC CHEMSOC 1 - 0 MOMED CARBS A 2- 1 RP LAKERS JOMEC 1 - 1 JAPSOC Division Two ATHLETICO ROY 2 - 3 CARDIFF DRAGONS ARCHITECTURE 0 - 2 ENGIN B DYNAMO CENTURION 1 - 1 WOODVILLE SCREAMERS OPTOMETRY 1 - 0 IRISH Division Three INTER ME NAN 0 - 2 ENGLISH SOC VASCO DE PHARMA 3 - 4 EUROS CHRISTIAN UNION 0 - 0 PSYCHO ATHLETICO AFC CAMP ALLEN 3 - 0 SOCSI

23/02/05

Premiership LAW A 0 - 0 ENGIN A EARTH SOC 1 - 0 BANKO FC ECONOMICS 3 - 2 CARBS B ACCOUNTANCY 1 - 1 LAW B Division One AFC HISTORY 5 - 0 MOMED CHEMSOC 0 - 3 RP LAKERS CARBS A 1 - 4 JAPSOC JOHN JENKINS 3 - 0 JOMEC Division Two ATHLETICO ROY 1 - 0 ENGIN B ARCHITECTURE L - L WOODVILLE SCREAMERS DYNAMO CENTURION 1 - 1 IRISH CARDIFF DRAGONS 1 - 1 OPTOMETRY Division Three INTER ME NAN 1 - 2 EUROS VASCO DE PHARMA 4 - 2 PYSCHO ATHLETICO CHRISTIAN UNION 2 - 0 SOCSI ENGLISH SOC 2 - 3 AFC CAMP ALLEN

RUGBY RESULTS 23/02/05

Pharmacy 34 - 10 Engin Carbs B 20 - 8 Law

BUSA RESULTS 16/02/05 Basketball Men 29 - 70 UWE Women 77 - 80 Kents

23/02/05 Badminton Men 1s 4 - 4 Leicester Queen Mary 2s 12 - 9 Men 2s

Fencing Royal Holloway, University of London 120 - 93 Men 1s

Football Women 0 - 2 UWIC 1s

Hockey Men’s 1s 4 - 0 Cardiff Medics 1s Men’s 4s 3 - 1 Bath 4s

Lacrosse Cardiff 3 - 10 Exeter 1s

Netball Cardiff 45 - 34 Leeds 1s

Rugby St Mary’s College 2s 13 - 11 Men’s 2s Women’s 1s 7 - 24 Marjohn’s 1s

Squash

Portsmouth men’s 1s 5 - 0 Men’s 1s

Tennis Women’s 1s 8 - 2 Portsmouth 1s

Volleyball Women’s 1s 1 - 3 Cambridge 1s

University Sport

Page 48

February 28 2005

sport@gairrhydd.com

Four-Med-able Cardiff 4 Medics 0 LAST WEEK’S BUSA shield draw turned up an unusual fixture, pitting the Cardiff University first team against the Cardiff Medics.

The inter-university derby was a fiercely competitive match, but it was the university side that progressed through to the next round after showing their professionalism by putting away three short corners to secure a 4-0 win.

Both sides went into the match desperate for a win over their rivals to take the title as top side in the university.

It was the Medics who made the better start, competing well for every challenge and preventing Cardiff from putting together their regular patterns of play, midfielders Duncan Courtney and John Collis being hassled and harried by the Medics midfield.

Both sides were countering each other’s attacking threat as the defences made sure that chances were few and far between.

The Medics had a clear game plan, their backline trying to turn Cardiff ’s defence by launching long aerial passes over the top and sending their forwards chasing down the ball.

Cardiff skipper Tony Gough was more than a match for this, though, calmly collecting and dealing with the potentially dangerous long balls.

The best chances of the half came from short corners, Nick Gough blazing over the first after good work from Chris Rhodes driving in from the left.

ACTION PACKED: Cardiff looking to steal possession (main) and (inset) the chase hots up fpr local bragging rights The university side had to wait until the end of the first half for their opening goal, Collis sending a high-speed, unstoppable drag-flick high into the top corner of the goal.

The second half started brightly, with Cardiff able to adapt their game to cut out a lot of the mistakes that dominated the f irst half. This allowed them to retain possession with more ease, both full-backs Tom

Moore and Alex Jones able to push on to augment the attack with more frequency.

With forwards Nick Gough and Paul Hayes looking lively in the Medics area, more short corners were given away as the Medics defence tired.

Collis showed his mastery of the drag-flick with another two powerful, well placed efforts to complete

Billy reigns in Spain

By Matt Ramsden Sports Correspondent CARDIFF GOLF captain Billy Hemstock last weekend jetted off to Alicante with the Devon county squad for their winter training at the Desert Springs golf course at the EGU European headquarters.

The championship course is the European version of the US Desert Springs and will host four practice rounds as the team gear up for a

busy season of league matches in the channel league.

Hemstock was keen, however, to emphasise that this was not merely an excuse to escape the dismal February weather of the UK: “We trained hard, and it was an opportunity to play a fantastic course that was designed by Peter Macavoy, the 2001 Walker Cup captain.”

The second year journalism student was also keen to transfer his experience at a high level of the game into the university team’s poor season, with relegation

already confirmed despite being champions only two years ago.

He said: “We’ve had a tough season, with the team unrecognisable from last year as we’ve lost a lot of county players who graduated.” However, Cardiff ’s hosting of the 2010 Ryder Cup has seen a distinct effort by the university to improve the standard of the sport: “We’ve got five bursars this year which is more than last year, and in two or three years we should have a very good team, ready to challenge properly.”

his hat-trick.

A late bout of Medics pressure resulted in good saves by goalkeeper Ian Ferguson, obviously intent on keeping a clean sheet. Even a late short corner attempt could not earn the Medics a goal and Cardiff broke well to score their fourth of the game, Hayes finishing well after a flowing full-pitch move.

The result saw Cardiff progress

PHOTOS: Charlotte Harries

By Gareth Owen Hockey Correspondent

into the next round of the BUSA shield with skipper Tony Gough proud of his side’s performance. He said: “It wasn’t the prettiest match, but we got the job done in difficult circumstances so we’ve got to be happy with that.”

Cardiff now await the draw for the next round, hoping to avoid difficult ties at either Edinburgh or Sheffield, two other favourites for the title.

Karate kid Jones goes Greek Euro Championships for Cardiff student

By Amy Davies Sports Correspondent LAST WEEKEND, first year Accounts & Finance student Samantha Jones travelled to Greece for the European Karate Championship.

Jones won her first fight 1–0 but lost her second fight by the same margin.

She commented: “At first I

had to train really hard so I didn’t get to see much of the other action. It did settle down after that.”

The defeat was clearly a disappointment, but Jones is obviously proud to be competing at such a high level at the age of 18.

Her next major challenge is the British University Karate Championships.

University Sport

February 28 2005

Page 49

sport@gairrhydd.com

Exeter end Cardiff’s six-month winning r u n

By Chris Allen Chief Sports Correspondent CARDIFF LADIES, who had been so successful this season in the league, crashed out of the BUSA cup to a rampant Exeter side.

On an arctic afternoon at Llanrumney, Cardiff failed to get into their swift passing game which has propelled them to the top of their league and seen them thrash most teams put before them.

Exeter got the perfect start to the cup-tie, taking the lead inside the first few minutes, and from then on Cardiff seemed to freeze in the icy conditions.

They conceded a second inside 10 minutes after some swift interplay by the Exeter team, and by the end of the first quarter were trailing 4-0. It could have been much worse but for some fine saves from Cardiff ‘keeper Annie Masters, who repelled a number of goal-bound efforts.

The second quarter continued much as the first had, with Cardiff under much of the pressure. The home side were unable to create much going forward with the usually inspirational Fran Williams being well tracked.

However a quick Cardiff break

saw them snatch a lifeline with a penalty shot which Sue Chandler duly converted.

Cardiff’s joy was short lived, though, as Exeter put the game out of reach with two quick-fire goals, one a penalty shot of their own and the other a fine sweeping move.

Cardiff’s best chance came through a Kate Davey run, but she was stopped at the last by a fine Exeter check and Exeter added two more to go into the half-time break leading 8-1.

In the second half, Exeter applied more and more pressure to the Cardiff goal and gained reward with another fine move and finish.

Cardiff midfielder Bryony Smith worked hard and helped create an opening for Fran Mooney to finish at close range, but by now Cardiff were trailing 9-2 and could see the cup-tie drifting away from them.

The final quarter saw Exeter sit back on their lead, and Cardiff began to show some of their impressive league form. They grabbed another consolation goal and threatened to narrow the lead further, but failure to do so was met by Exeter going into double figures in the final few seconds to win the game 10-3.

Tramp-o-ling the opposition

By Helen Mann Trampolining Correspondent CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S trampolining team embarked on its biggest adventure to date last weekend as they travelled to Guildford for the BUSA regionals at the University of Surrey.

This represented the only BUSA event of the year for the team, which

comprised nine competitors, an increase from the three that competed last year.

Cardiff came away triumphant after Zanna Stewart-Stanton demolished the competition and came away with first place in the ladies’ novice category out of a strong field of 150 competitors.

Stewart-Stanton will now compete in the finals in York in four weeks.

OUT OF REACH: Victory beyond Cardiff

PHOTO: Nick Parnell

Cardiff 3 - 10 Exeter

University Sport

Page 50

February 28 2005

sport@gairrhydd.com

Engin stalled ENGIN’S 100% Premiership record was lost as two of the best teams in IMG battled to a 0-0 stalemate in a match that could prove crucial at the end of the season.

The main talking point of the game, however, occurred towards the end when Law were adamant they should have been awarded a penalty for a handball that was missed by the referee.

Both teams respected each other but were also confident, Engin captain Colin Williams pointing out his team had played well over the past few games and Law counterpart Fergus Houlden commented that his team had researched their opposition and were aiming for three points.

Engin had a clear height advantage – especially in impressive target man Craig Price – and used this well early on to create some chances. A long throw in the opening minutes caused problems in the Law defence and almost produced a goal. Law also went close from set-pieces, thanks to the

delivery of playmaker ‘Figo’.

The best chance of the first half saw Engin manager Luke Oliver hit a superb drive from long range that was turned round the post by Law ‘keeper Kenny.

The second half produced very few chances, as both teams defended well and Law got to grips with their height disadvantage. The best chances came from corners, as Law striker Rob and Engin’s Oliver both headed over from good positions.

In the final few minutes came the penalty shout, with Law calling ‘objection’.

Fergus Houlden was clearly irritated by the decision, calling it a ‘blatant handball,’ before adding: “But that’s IMG; you’ve got to take the rough with the smooth.”

Unsurprisingly, Luke Oliver disagreed, believing it was ball to hand, and pointing out that similar decisions are given every week in professional football.

Both managers agreed they were happy with a point, Houlden believing Engin were the best team he’d played this season, and Oliver looking forward to playing Law in the final.

RIDING HIGH: Engin remain top

IMG Pos

gin A 1 En wA 2 La rth Soc 3 Ea ncy counta 4 Ac

r PremieL GD P 4 4 4 4

D 2

W 3

2 2 1

0

2 1 3

0 1 0

10 9 -2 3

Pts 10 8 7 6

Hail Mary’s as Cardiff lose in the last minute

AFTER OVERCOMING freezing conditions, a hostile home crowd and a four-hour bus journey that saw them arrive just moments before kick-off, Cardiff hearts were broken by a St. Mary’s try in the dying seconds to send them out of the BUSA knockouts.

For Cardiff, it proved to be the one that got away.

Despite no proper warm-up time, Cardiff started the game brighter, but missed the chance to take an early lead when Dan Pollard pulled an early penalty attempt wide.

The home side, however, soon pinned Cardiff back but twice found themselves thwarted near the Cardiff line with turnovers from the outstanding Owain Wynne.

St. Mary’s did take the lead on the half-hour mark after a driving

lineout paid dividends.

Cardiff managed to hit back almost immediately with a brilliantly worked try. Owain Wynne pulled off the back of a maul from 20 metres out before feeding Ali Price who, despite being tackled short of the line, superbly flicked the ball to number eight James Corless to level the game at half-time.

After conceding an early penalty after the break, Cardiff really began to pressurise the home side who twice were penalised for offside in as many minutes, allowing Dan Pollard to kick his side into a 11-8 lead.

Despite losing Adrian Ford through injury, Cardiff remained set for a win after the St.Mary’s flyhalf missed a penalty in the dying minutes.

With just minutes remaining, the home side created an overlap and went over in the corner to take the lead, leaving Cardiff no time to respond.

PHOTO: Nick Parnell

St. Mary’s 13 - 11 Cardiff 2nds

By Fraser Watson Rugby Correspondent

DOWN AND OUT: Cardiff tumble at the last

PHOTO: Adam Gasson

By Rowan Beloijica Football Correspondent

AU VICE’S COLUMN

By Fraser Watson AU Vice President WHAT A difference a week makes! After securing eight BUSA titles the previous week, our clubs were brought back down to earth this Wednesday when 10 of our sides fell at the first hurdle of the BUSA knockouts, leaving our tennis and netball teams to fly the flag after creditable wins over Portsmouth and Leeds respectively.

However, with Welsh Cups and promotion play-offs looming, there is still much to play for.

In IMG netball, congratulations to Cardiff Uni A, B and Socsi for securing their respective league titles last Wednesday.

A reminder to all teams that details of the IMG netball Cup, to start this Wednesday, are available on the Athletic Union website. Eight randomly drawn teams have been afforded byes.

Finally, congratulations to all our clubs for their efforts in BUSA throughout the season. I would like to wish the best of luck to our men’s and ladies’ waterpolo teams ahead of their BUSA semifinals in Bristol this weekend.

University Sport

February 28 2005

Page 51

sport@gairrhydd.com

UWIC PINCH VICTORY

Cardiff - 0 UWIC - 2

By Jo Roberts Football Correspondent CARDIFF’S BEST efforts proved too little against a strong UWIC side last Wednesday, as the women’s firsts crashed out of the BUSA Cup despite a strong performance.

It was UWIC who settled first and took control of the game, though the Cardiff defence dealt well with their opening attacks. However, a UWIC goal from a corner on eight minutes showed that the home side had a tough time ahead of them.

Cardiff did not let their confidence drop, though, and began to show more self-assurance as Jess Baker had a shot saved and Alex Joannides beat the opposition defence for pace to set up Aileen Griffin, whose curling shot went over the bar.

With only a one-goal deficit going into the second half, Cardiff had plenty of incentive to keep battling and they increased the pressure on UWIC, with hard work in the midfield from Emma Jones and Sabrina Noll. Their best opportunity to score was on 65 minutes, as Griffin latched onto a long pass forward from Jones, but she was unable to get a shot on target.

UWIC kept up their attacks and got their second on 75 minutes with a powerful shot into the top right corner.

Cardiff pushed everyone forward, but despite their best efforts and a great display, ultimately the result was disappointing.

PHOTO: Nick Parnell

Cardiff snooker seconds a Thorne in Leicester’s side

■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■

By James Woodroof Snooker Correspondent CARDIFF’S SNOOKER seconds qualified for the main phase of the prestigious BUSA Trophy last weekend after demolishing Bristol and Imperial at Willie Thorne’s Snooker Club in Leicester.

In a seemingly strong group, Bristol proved decent opposition, but Cardiff brushed them aside with consummate ease, beating them 7-3.

With Bristol and Imperial drawing 5-5, Cardiff just needed to avoid defeat against Imperial, but with captain James Channon and James Woodroof maintaining their 100% winning record in the competition, Imperial succumbed to an 8-2 drubbing.

Veteran player David Mills, in his third BUSA Championship, sealed the victory with an impressive 32 break. Meanwhile, Cardiff thirds failed to qualify for the tournament after defeat against Southampton in their first match. Cardiff seconds join their first team in the BUSA competition next weekend, but can expect much stiffer opposition.

■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ PHOTOS: Nick Parnell

Lewis’s silver success

By Alex Cinus Athletics Correspondent

PHOTO: James Woodroof

A CARDIFF POSTGRADUATE student achieved a 1500m silver medal at the UK Indoor Championships in Sheffield last weekend.

Natalie Lewis, studying broadcast journalism, solidified her reputation as one of the most promising young female athletes in the country. However, she still had reason to feel a little disappointed, as she was just squeezed out of a gold medal, finishing only a metre behind the

winner.

The past fortnight has also seen Lewis perform great things on the track, as she recorded the third fastest 1500m time in the UK this year at the UWIC Grand Prix.

This result certainly bodes well for Lewis to achieve her main target this year of qualifying for the European Championships on March 4th, to be held in Spain.

Lewis is currently one second off the 4mins 15secs qualifying time for this event.

ON TRACK: Natalie Lewis is enjoying a successful season

Spor t gair rhydd

FOUR-MED-ABLE

CARDIFF UNI HOCKEY FIRSTS PUT FOUR PAST CARDIFF MEDICS - PAGE 48

Cardiff 7 - 24 Marjons

PHOTOS: Nick Parnell

RUN OUT es bl um cr ly al fin rd co re e m ho en at be un ar ye oTw

By Sarah Bellingham Rugby Correspondent MARJONS’ WOMEN’S rugby team clearly hadn’t read the script as they unceremoniously dumped Cardiff out of the BUSA Championship in the first round 24-7.

After Bristol’s shock 10-0 victory over Gloucester handed Cardiff an unlikely league title two weeks ago, the university’s women’s rugby team were hopeful of success in last week’s BUSA Championship.

However, in their first defeat at Llanrumney in two years, Cardiff

succumbed in a tough battle against the Plymouth side, who were runners-up in the Premier League this season.

The game began badly for Cardiff as they struggled to gain possession of the ball and two of their scrums were turned over.

Backs Mari Ropstad and Ruth Osborne made some good ground but were stopped by Marjons’ formidable defence.

It seemed that Cardiff’s fortunes were improving and centre Phillipa Tuttiett made an outstanding break away from the pack to score the first try of the match for Cardiff, then capitalising with a

successful conversion.

As the game continued, Marjons became frustrated and their desperation to gain control led to the game becoming more physically demanding. Several injuries were incurred by key Cardiff players, with number eight Rachel Merriman, second row Holly Searle and winger Enora Mandon all forced to leave the field.

Marjons’ frustration was also displayed through the use of foul language against Cardiff players.

This lack of composure led to one Marjons player being sin-binned.

Cardiff entered the second half in the lead but it didn’t take long for

Marjons to equalise and then go ahead, as Cardiff began to lose their drive and energy.

As the home team began to drop behind, more tackles were missed and gaps appeared in the Cardiff defence, allowing Marjons to add more points to the scoresheet in the final minutes.

Cardiff’s coach Nadine Griffiths was disappointed but proud of her team’s effort. She said: "Marjons came to Cardiff expecting a walkover, but what they received was a high standard of opposition and I’m pleased that the girls proved themselves to be worthy of playing at such a high level."

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