gair rhydd - Issue 792

gair rhydd

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CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY

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NUS/DAILY MIRROR NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR 2004/05

VC’S ADDRESS Come and hear how it is from the man at the top Great Hall - Monday 26th 7pm FULL DETAILS PAGE 5

ISSUE 792 September 26 2005

QUENCH MAGAZINE Starring Vivienne Westwood, The Daily Show and, er, some badgers?

FREE INSIDE

GONE I N SIXTY SECONDS INSET: Open window offers easy access

By Dan Ridler News Editor SECOND YEAR students living in Cathays have been the target of teams of criminals less than two days after moving.

News

News Editorial & Opinion Letters Geordie Politics Science/Environment Media Taf Od Dear Amber Health Grab!

Television Five Min Fun Jobs & Money Listings Sport

1 8 10 11 12 13 14 16 19 21 22 23 31 32 34 37

The incident which happened shortly after five o’ clock on Park Place and coincided with rush-hour occurred when a distracted student driver hit the passenger side of a black Volkswagon Golf, causing his car to turn onto its roof.

The parked car was also left scratched and dented.

Its owner, who didn’t wish to be

The survey, designed to give prospective students help in choosing

their degree course, found philosophy and theology students to be the most satisfied with their courses.

Among the subjects which students were found to behappiest are biology, physical science, english based subjects and history and archaeology; all with a high satisfaction rating of 4.2 out of 5 points.

While academic subjects scored highly in the survey, vocational courses came bottom, such as art and design courses scoring 3.7, narrowly behind media studies, computer science and management courses.

The scores were all close, and the survey found that no subject scored below 74% satisfaction.

named, said: "I didn’t see anything. I was just in the library and I came out and saw this. He was distracted by something."

The emergency services, who arrived within approximately three minutes, gave light on the cause of the incident.

"It’s a bit embarrassing for him, actually," claimed PC Canter. "There was a small creature in his car. A spider.

"As he went to blow it away, the next thing he knew he had hit the vehicle." Amazingly, the driver – who declined to comment – escaped the collision with a grazed elbow.

The Chairwoman of the Media, Communications and Cultural studies Association suggested that the reason for lower satisfaction in media courses may be because students hope to get a job in the media industry but the difference between reality and expectation means they may be less happy with their courses.

had total confidence in Mr Chapman’s leadership.

Of the 56% of ballot papers returned in July, 93% voted in favour of the motion with 7% against.

Members of the lecturers’ union at the University of Wales Institute in Cardiff (UWIC) passed the motion on Tony Chapman by 96% to 7% during the summer.

The move follows months of anger after plans to merge UWIC and the University of Glamorgan were abandoned in 2003, in favour of a merge with University of Wales, Newport.

Although current plans are postponed, lecturers at UWIC fear that the new scheme will attract less funding and slow the strategic development of the university.

Margaret Phelan, regional officer for lecturers’ union Natfhe, said, "Time is running out to secure significant new investment to start to repair the years of under funding in these three higher education institutions in south east Wales".

But Gordon Harrhy, chairman of UWIC’s board of governors, said he

The independently chaired review announced this week that the incidents raised did not demonstrate an apathetic approach to antiSemitism.

The incidents included a lack of

kosher food at the annual conference and the slow removal of a leaflet contravening equal opportunities policy.

In response to the chair’s findings NUS President Kat Fletcher said "I hope that the report will reassure not only our Jewish students but all our members that NUS values its diverse and active membership and we will do all we can to ensure students from all faiths can continue to participate fully."

Page 3

September 26 2005 news@gairrhydd.com

NEWS MAKE THE NEWS

By Charissa Coulthard News Editor SEVERAL GAIR rhydd and Quench journalists are celebrating after being shortlisted for four categories in the Guardian Student Media Awards 2005.

Student Vision

Nuts

Grazia

Quench gair rhydd

Steel Press Nouse Oxford York

ABOVE: Former editors Gary and James. INSET: Former news editors Paul, Will and Dave

Quench Impact

I,Science

Observer Food Monthly, Heat

INJECTED

By Dan Ridler News Editor

Licensed to fill

By Charissa Coulthard News Editor POPULAR STUDENT bar Gassy Jacks has agreed not to extend its licence following angry protests from surrounding neighbours.

Students at the Heath are to benefit from new facilities after a campaign in gair rhydd earlier this year.

Heath: Better conditions for medics

September 26 2005

Page 4 news@gairrhydd.com

THE LOST YEAR ON OCTOBER 7th 2004, James Cole attended a club night in Solus that would change the course of his whole year as Athletic Union President.

Removed from the building following the alleged assault he was later charged by police and, as a direct result of this, had his student status suspended by the University. This ultimately meant Cole was unable to carry on working as AU President whilst awaiting his trial.

After the high profile nature of his suspension from his role, which meant the Athletic Union was without a President, Cole’s trial, and absence from the University, was prolonged due to the innaction of the Crown Prosecution Service regarding their missing witnesses.

One year later - a year he admits he feels he ‘lost’ - after the long wait for the eventual not guilty verdict, Cole spoke exclusively to gair rhydd about his experience and plans for the future.

“At the time I was very disappointed and frustrated,” he admits. “But there was just nothing I could do about it, and the whole thing just seemed to keep dragging on and on.

“In that sense, I did lose the year - I lost the position I worked very hard to get and I feel I lost it unfairly and unjustly.”

Despite the trauma that the year caused - and the fact that its events prevented him from doing the job he’d campaigned so hard for - Cole insists that, in the long run, his time off allowed him to do a lot more.

“I was suspended on pay, so I decided to go out and get some work experience and make the most of the time I had rather than waste it.

“I want to be a broadcast journalist so I went to a number of places and got a placement at the BBC as well as doing some stuff for local radio. I basically built up my CV throughout the year.

“At the time I was annoyed and fedup, but with hindsight it’s actually worked out well.

“I’ve gone off and got experience, which I’d never have been able to do if I had not had the time off that I did.”

From eleven months ago - when Cole’s suspension began - to now, with him dressed athletically, swigging blackcurrant squash and being able to shrug off his accusation with a mere “shit happens,” there’s no doubt he’s confident about moving on.

“You’ve just got to deal with it. It’s taught me a lot about myself, but also a lot about the people around me.

“Obviously I’d loved to have done the job and I wanted to work really hard but where I am now, I’m happy and I’m ready to move on.

“I’ve managed to get a sponsorship from the BBC, who are going to sponsor my [postgraduate in broadcast journalism] course next year.”

The only thing that concerns him, however, is a similar incident happening again.

“I did lose the year I lost the position I worked very hard to get” Looking back on the eventful night on which the alleged assault against a student took place - Cole talks about the events which marked the point where the year began to slip away from him.

“There was basically a scuffle on the dancefloor and I went in to break it up.

It then turned into a massive thing with more and more people involved. I knew him [one of the fighers] and thought I could help - I thought I could sort it out.

“Hindsight’s a great thing - in hindsight I would have run a mile.

“I then got removed by the security staff, who claimed they saw me hitting him.

“I came in to work the next day, not realising the seriousness of the issue, and was told that he wanted to press charges. I told them to look at the CCTV footage from the night which, because of a problem, had been lost.

“What the tape does is record, and then records over itself again on a loop.

They hadn’t taken the tape out and put it to one side.

“I still question how they could make such a mistake. Somebody made that mistake and it cost me the year.

“It was all very upsetting - as it all

COLE: Ready to move on. started to happen very quickly. At this stage I was still trying to get a grip on the situation and hadn’t worked out how I was going to deal with it or what was going to happen next.”

Pleading not guilty on November 8 2004, Cole was bailed to a pre-trial review two days before Christmas, which was later adjourned to January 18. On this date, Cole explains, a trial date of April 12 and 13 was set.

“It was adjourned so many times because the police and the CPS couldn’t get their witnesses together.

“Initially there was just one, but then he changed his statement.

“Then they didn’t show up: one left the country and went back to the Balkans, and the other one was ill. That was in April. My plan was still to go back to work in April and try to finish the year on a high.”

The repeated absence of key trial witnesses meant that the trial was adjourned again to July, by which time Cole’s Presidency of the AU would have

drawn to a close with the election of a new Sabbatical team.

Had he been proven not guilty at this point, he still would have had to face a university disciplinary panel before being allowed to return to work - something which still concerns him.

“Hindsight’s a great thing - in hindsight I would have run a mile” “Essentially, because I was found not guilty, they couldn’t continue with the disciplinary. There’s nothing they can do to prove otherwise. You’re not guilty until proven innocent. I was still on the pay role, but I just couldn’t work.

“It’s always good to say that I was getting paid, but you don’t do it for the money. You do it for the experience. The AU President loves sport and wants to help out students.”

In addition to waiting for the

adjourned trial, Cole admits the frustration stemmed partly from the rumours that have since escalated. I question him on one in particular - that the assault charges were in fact against a female.

“That was really hurtful - it was complete rubbish,” he admits.

“I had nothing to do with that, and it was horrible to hear all the rumours. It just kept escalating - everyone seemed to pile in.”

As the trial finally approached - after nine months of waiting for the CPS to organise their case - a final failure to get witnesses to appear in court forced them to concede that they had failed to make any successful attempts to contact them and, as a result, on July 12 Cole was finally acquitted of all charges.

“He [the accuser] didn’t even stay for the verdict. He left - it was strange.

Obviously it’s within his rights to press charges, but I was surprised that he actually did press charges, given that he himself admitted he didn’t know who had hit him.

“It’s taught me a lot about myself, but also a lot about the people around me” “It could happen to someone again, it could happen to a sabbatical officer, to anyone, even to another student. I don’t believe there’s enough protection.

But despite his concern, Cole remains adamant that something positive resulted from his ordeal.

“It’s annoying to think that people may have left with this image of me.

“That’s frustrating and disappointing, but I realise you have to be thickskinned in this world.”

“I think events like this happen to everyone at some point in life and you’re going to go through some sort of drama - sometimes when the shit hits the fan things will be in your face, you have to keep going.

“There is no doubt you come out the other side a stronger person: I’ve learnt a lot from it.”

News

September 26 2005

Page 5

news@gairrhydd.com

‘New opportunity’

By Caroline Farwell News Editor THE UK’S FIRST academic institution to focus on Islam and Muslims in Britain has opened at Cardiff University.

The new Centre for the Study of Islam in the UK, which will be based in the university’s School of Religious and Theological Studies, was opened

by Yusuf Islam - formely Cat Stevens - last week.

The former pop singer, who is chairman of the Islamic Schools Trust, said the centre was a “symbol of opportunity” to bridge the gulf of understanding he thought there was between Muslims and wider society.

The centre will specialise in postgraduate teaching and sociological research into the history of Muslims in Britain and will begin teaching in October.

Dr Sophie Gilliat-Ray, the centre’s director, said, "The formation of the

PIONEERING: Cardiff University

centre provides a focus for work that’s already going on and this centre will help to consolidate Cardiff’s reputation as a postgraduate centre for learning and teaching in Britain".

The centre will operate on a partnership between the university and the local Muslim community and is being met with an enthusiastic response from Muslims living in Wales.

Saleem Kidwai, from the Muslim Council of Wales, said, "Cardiff University is already a significant location for research and teaching activity in relation to Islam in Britain, and the centre’s work will only enhance this reputation".

The MA/Diploma course that the centre offers is aimed at those who are looking for careers in the public sector, the race community relations industry, inter-faith work and the voluntary sector.

In response to recent fears of universities attracting extremist groups, Dr Gilliat-Ray said people should not worry about Cardiff’s centre attracting radical Muslims.

She said that the centre would promote good community relations and counter negative media reports about Muslims.

Yusuf Islam was joined by hundreds of people at the launch in Cardiff Business School, including leaders of Britain’s Islamic community, tutors and academics.

CAT: Stevens

CAMPUS WATCH

By Caroline Farwell News Editor

THE GOVERNMENT has warned universities to be fully aware of extremist behaviour on campus.

Education Secretary Ruth Kelly has called for universities to defend the “moderate majority” of students by confronting “unacceptable behaviour”.

Speaking to an audience of vicechancellors at the Universities UK conference earlier this month, Ms Kelly said, “(Universities) should be alert and be unafraid to set their own boundaries – within the law and with the law in support – in consultation with their own community and the wider community”.

But the education secretary’s speech will add to fears among lecturers that they may be expected to police academic debates and spy on students.

Roger Kline, head of universities at lectures’ union Natfhe said staff would feel “uneasy” with what the government describe as “unacceptable behaviour”, which could include anything from anti-war protests to support for Palestinian rights.

Ms Kelly stressed that the mission of universities was to teach free-think-

ing. She said that the response to the terror attacks should not “include trying to shut ourselves off from the rest of the world” and the UK should “continue to welcome growing numbers of legitimate foreign students into our universities”.

Her comments come in the wake of the London bombings in July that heightened concerns over the spread of Islamist extremism.

Recent findings that link cases of known terrorism to activities on British campuses have also fuelled fears over the growth of radicalism, both on and off campus.

Universities UK (UUK), which represents university vice-chancellors, said that it is taking the issue of extremism on campus very seriously.

The body is currently updating its existing guidelines on extremism and intolerance on campus in order to deal with changes in the wake of the July 7 bombings.

A spokesperson for UUK said, “The updated guidance will look at the range of hate crimes and intolerance on campus, with a strategic and practical focus on solutions that promote good relations, and guidance on dealing with situations that can impede good relations”.

ADDRESSED

By Charissa Coulthard News Editor FRESHERS’ FORTNIGHT will be launched in style this year with an annual address from Cardiff University’s Vice Chancellor, Dr David Grant, on Monday September 26.

The event, which will take place in the Great Hall of the Students’ Union, is designed to offer Freshers an accurate idea and understanding of all the essentials for their time in Cardiff.

Students will receive an insight into both the University and the Students’ Union, and have the chance to meet the Vice Chancellor as well as the Union President, Executive team and many other interesting personalities.

The annual spectacular – which begins at 5.30pm for Postgraduates and 7pm for Undergraduates – will also be giving away lots of prizes in the closing Grand Draw.

Students’ Union President Pete Goodman is encouraging all to attend the Vice Chancellor’s address.

"It will give everyone the chance to meet the union executives and find out about all the big campaigns.

"It’s an ideal time to find out everything that happens within the Students’ Union and encourage everyone to get involved with clubs, societies and the student council."

Set to be a great success, the opening night of Freshers Fortnight will end with many students heading on to Fun Factory.

When I stepped into his office I could instantly sense an atmosphere of change.

Principally it was exuded from the new leather chairs, yet Pete has his own unshakeable air of momentum; he never seems to be finished, always onto the next student injustice like a St. Bernard chasing a ball.

I had come to the office to talk to our president about the new manifesto, a document designed to outline the Sabbatical teams long term aims.

Theoretically, it should increase accountability to the student body and tell you what’s going to change in your union in the next twelve months. Pete was kind enough to give gair rhydd the lowdown on exactly what was going on.

"One thing that I’m really excited about is the housing campaign," he began, with his unflappable enthusiasm.

"Do you remember last year?"- a dramatic pause for effect. "Its all changed.

Now we’ve got two fayres instead of one, we’re going to send out a comprehensive booklet explaining what to look for when buying your house and we’re going to get all the agencies involved so it’ll be a big improvement. It’s a complete mix-up of the system.

"We’re also running the health campaign. I want to make a commitment to students’ health, and I think that includes sexual health, healthy eating, participation in sport and lowering binge drinking." Lowering binge drinking and getting students active? Governments have tried and failed, how is the Students Union going to change the fundamental nature of the stereotypical drunk, idle student?

"We’re tackling the drinking by lowering the price of non-alcoholic drinks in the day, and we’re going to encourage people to get out and play sport with the IMG fayre. On top of that we are committed to the Keep Wednesday Afternoon Free campaign and to ensuring students get the chance to play sport."

Pete’s next topic was an injustice nestled close to his heart. "I want to concentrate on international student visas," was his opening gambit, before he continued in a more subdued mood." We didn’t make enough of a difference with our protests last year because they passed the proposed price hike. This year they’re talking about removing the

right for rejected student visas to appeal.

75% of rejected student visas are accepted on appeal so losing that right is a terrible thing for international students." So what are they going to do about it?

"Well there’s a following of opposition to this and obviously marching on London doesn’t work so we’ll have to try a different method. I ve been in contact with people about this already."

Pete scooted down the page before turning over to his next topic. "Ah, now, this is a really important incentive and it’s tied into a lot of initiatives. We want to overhaul the student council and get loads more people involved. It’s not that it’s not working, it would just be nice to see more people getting involved. We need people to get involved. Alongside this we’re going to revamp the Student Development Unit which helps to train people in soft skills for the workplace” “We’re hoping that this year we can get involved with the community more closely as well. That’ll include meetings with community leaders and local residents, the continuation of the Save Our Union Licence (SOUL) campaign and stressing the positive things that students do for the community. For instance, Student Volunteering has 1000 student volunteers working across Cardiff. We’ll also continue the Keep Cardiff Tidy campaign, that was really good last time and we’re co-operating with the council to do it again.”

Pete’s time as College President of Humanities meant he didn’t lose sight of the medicinal side of the university though. “I’m really interested in helping the medics keep in touch with the uni when they’re away on placement. We’re going to get a website message board up and running so that students outside Cardiff can stay in touch.

"There’s a whole host of other stuff that I want to do, I’m trying to revamp the bus service from the union, organising a political campaign for the national bursary scheme and working on getting more postgrads involved."

As it turned five o’clock on Pete’s office clock, I thought it was a prime time to head out. Before I left I asked if there was anything that he really wants the students to do.

"Yeah. Get involved."

Editorial & Opinion

Page 8

September 26 2005

opinion@gairrhydd.com

gair rhydd Editorial Guardian Awards This week saw Cardiff’s published student media, in the form of the newspaper gair rhydd and the magazine Quench, scoop six nominations in the Guardian Student Media Awards - more than any other student newspaper.

This is no mean feat considering the strength of the competition from accross the whole of the UK. This year's gair rhydd and Quench team offers its congratulations to all those involved with both publications last year and wish ex-editors Gary Andrews and James Anthony along with all those nominated the best of luck for the Awards ceremony.

Although there is a real chance this could represent just the tip of the ice berg regarding student media success.

The Mirror and NUS will publish their awards shortlist in the next few weeks as will the Student Radio Association.

Student media in Cardiff is currently thriving, watch this space for the results as they come in.

Security AS STUDENTS continue to return to Cardiff after the summer vacation, reports of break ins and thefts are beginning to become more common.

Opportunistic thieves have always made a habit of targeting student houses in this period and once again the student population continue to prove to be an easy target.

Moving out of halls and into private accomodation for the first time is a major part of university life however, neglecting basic security will almost certainly lead to the theft of treasured possesions.

Its easy to keep safe; lock doors and windows when you go out, keep expensive items out of the view of people passing by and think about registering your possesions; its free and easy to register your items and it could just save you losing your i-pod or laptop.

Human nature leads us to believe that it just won’t happen to us but it just might. Making an insurance claim can be a lengthy process and no amount of money is going to replace the dissertation on the laptop you left on the bus.

Living without insurance is a risky way to organise your affairs, especially when you can whip down to Endsleigh in the Students’ Union and get it all covered for sixty quid.

At the end of the day, its your property, your coursework and your money, so decide whats best for you.

Think about getting it registered, bug your landlord if you don’t think security is good enough and make sure you lock up before you go out for a night at Rubber Duck.

A GOOD DEGREE BETTER Megan Conner reflects on how working in an office can make us ‘slackers’ look like a keen-eyed and bushy-tailed bunch

I

’VE HAD three months of being ‘the youngster on reception’ and too many cream cakes. I lie through my teeth on the telephone on a daily basis and would like to outsmart the franking machine salesman, if he wouldn’t keep hanging up on me.

Ikham from Turkey may get into trouble one day if he doesn’t learn that the ‘g’ in Nigel sounds like a ‘j’, and surely serial Norwegian customer Torbjorn will go bankrupt anytime soon.

It’s Mary in accounts’ birthday today, and in addition to telling the entire office about X and Y exceeding their credit limits, there are jammy doughnuts, custard tarts and chocolate éclairs in the kitchen. I start doing the tea round, even though I don’t drink tea.

I’m leaving today and suddenly everyone wants to chat. I’m chasing them out of reception with a shatter resistant ruler, despite the fact some of them haven’t stepped a foot in here for twelve weeks.

My daily email buddy from school tells me this is standard procedure; that office people only socialise with a temp once they’re positive they won’t snitch on them or, as is the case with the over 35’s, that they don’t possess superior IT skills. He theorises that the process of working this out takes approximately three months.

A lot of people in this world get paid a lot for doing very little "It wont be long before you sink back into student life now", the purchasing guy smirks. "Not that it’s a hard slog. Coming here and doing some real work must have been a shock to the system, eh?"

I smile and consider. If it weren’t for the numerous FW’s I receive every day on the internal email system, or

I

’ve got nothing against paying bills as such, but they’re going into Room 101, just for the hassle they’ve caused me recently.

As a result of some kind of joinedup thinking – or conspiracy – on the part of the utility companies, all our bills arrive within about three days of each other.

The water bill is straightforward enough, but the electricity and gas for the summer: who was actually here then? Or did we leave the central heating on in an empty house for three months?

One housemate dredges up some

the fact I’m the only one who consistently arrives as early as 9 and leaves as late as 5, I would give them

...I’ll come out of university a good degree better than when I started the credit of working their arses off.

But what I have come to realise in my short time here is that a lot of people in this world get paid a lot for doing very little, and will drive to the sandwich shop at lunch when it’s only a two minute walk.

It’s made me reassess my choice of career pathway (not the sandwich bit): do I really want to be paying the earth to get a degree when I could be earning good money in a full-time job? Will I end up telephone bashing in an office anyway?

The majority of my school friends left our local comp. after their GCSEs for a life of filing and photocopying, but I chose to do my A-Levels and go to university. If I had thought about the fact I would be doing what they’re doing anyway each summer to make ends meet, or running the risk of doing it first off when I graduate, would I have bothered? I have friends at Cardiff who have travelled South America this summer, others who have worked for their family business, which just happens to be related to the same line of work as their degree. If I had the funds, I’d be running off to the other side of the world too, or doing some more work experience, but we’re not all in the same circumstances.

What we do have in common is a government who charge us an extortionate amount just to further our education, and then tell us our qualifications aren’t worth as much now as they used to be.

The bit that confuses me is how college year students under various LEAs are being paid to go to college.

old bill that she paid before the summer – but had, thoughtfully enough, neglected to mention it until now – while another won’t part with his share of the NTL bill as his computer’s been out of action ‘for ages’. (He’s happy to use the free phone-calls that come with the package, though.)

This was just before the others started calculating how much they’d spent on washing-up liquid and the light bulb for the downstairs toilet as a way to negotiate a discount from the main bills.

Then the council tax bill arrives.

Now nobody likes council tax, but in a house occupied by both students

THE OFFICE iSN’T FUN: Alas, Brent’s joyus moves are a facade

silly to give them £40 a week only to take it back later. Knocking the annual equivalent off university fees would be far easier and less admin anyway (you can tell I’ve worked in an office).

Although I don’t find my summer job all that interesting, I do work hard and find I am made runner up ‘Temp of the Month’ for August. As I walk to the temping agency to hand in my last time sheet, I’m relieved I might never have to do this again. Next summer, I’ll be getting a real job.

"So if you give us a call next summer," they say, "we’d be happy to find you some more work. We’ve got your recommendation on file, and the

same company might even want you back."

"Oh no," I tell them, "I’m graduating next summer."

They look at me indifferently and it dawns on me that graduating may not make the slightest bit of difference, at least to start with.

I’ll probably need more experience on top of the fair amount I’ve already got to get the job I want, and I won’t have the money to be able to work voluntarily straight away.

As I vow to call the agency next June, I accept, along with thousands of this year’s graduates, that envelope stuffing and baguette runs could be on the cards for a while.

But what I can be glad of is that I’ll come out of university a good degree better than when I started.

Even though I’ll have a £10,000 loan to pay back, plus interest, I’ll be considerably more intelligent, with interpersonal skills to rival any other candidate in a job interview.

Not forgetting the office experience. On top of this, I’ll have had what will probably be the best three years of my life, and the fondest of memories.

Surely that makes it all worthwhile.

and non-students, this presents some serious barney potential.

How do we split this bill? Three, four, five ways?

Somebody remembers a deal we struck before we moved in, but, now faced with a bill for the best part of a grand, nobody backs him up.

Two alliances are promptly formed: the two full-time students on the one side; the two non-students on the other. The fifth – a part-time student - makes the unsubstantiated claim that part-time students are exempt from council tax (for the record, this is WRONG) and flatly refuses to pay a penny.

Meanwhile, my ex-housemate

from a house I moved out of three months ago calls me up as I ‘clearly’ owe him eighty quid for some bills which have only just materialised. I thought we were all square before I left. Can I have a look at them to check? Can I fuck.

He rambles on, and I drift off… lost the original bill… lying around in the bathroom for six weeks… thrown out with the newspapers… disconnection notice has arrived… paid it on his credit card… extortionate charges…

Anyway, can I give him cash tomorrow?

Apparently it would be a good excuse to meet up for a drink – and he

Surely encouraging secondary school children to get through ALevels will understandably make them want to go to university; after all, that’s where the fun is. So it seems

I start doing the tea round, even though I dont drink tea. I’m leaving today and suddenly everyone wants to chat

Editorial & Opinion

There's the sporty crew, the stoners, the bookworms etc. ad infinitum.

One perpetual myth is the idea of students as an apathetic bunch whiling away the hours until their loan cheque clears. It's not for me to get involved in this tedious and overplayed argument, it might be true, it may well not be.

But, my friends, there is a solution to this age-old squabble. My new politics – those of Informed Apathy. We may well be silent – but at least we know the person lecturing us is very, very wrong.

You may have encountered this at school. The dialogue of the classroom was usually dominated by the teacher and two or three others not afraid to voice their opinions amongst a sea of nodding heads.

Informed apathists are those who

His voice halts and breaks. The commissioners don't move, but the room temperature drops five degrees.

Home-Knit (lets call him Michael, in tribute) gulps.

I ask you, if you will, to picture the scene. BBC offices, London. A dark, disappointment-scented cavern of a room, filled with heaps of discarded dreams and shows so bad even the BBC won't repeat them.

This is the domain of the Commissioners- public broadcasting X-Factor (though that cannot be mentioned here, "pinball publicity" you see).

They stalk the halls of license-feebought marble, wielding the sword of Damacles as if it were as natural as swinging a bunch of keys.

Inside the room, a panel of five soulless beasts sit frostily, eyeing a bedraggled apology of a man, all home knits and NHS glasses.

He is sweating profusely, and with good reason may I add. The commissioners can smell blood, and are rising for the kill. Because, my friends, Home-Knit has just reached for his tatty synopsis, and pitched a program called... .

Great broadcasting alumni stare down from the walls. Parkinson (with recently drawn on devil horns and 'tache). Wogan. Nick Knowles.

The woman at the head of the table, obviously the leader, clears her throat and places her hands palm down on the table with enough force to make Michael's fillings jangle. “ ?" " , Ma'am. It's a light enter-

tainment show, in the vein of , whereby a canine behavioural expert gives men tips on how to manipulate their wife to do, y'know, stuff."

Wogan averts his eyes. "Stuff?" The woman arches a razor eyebrow. "Er, yeah. Cooking the tea, fetching the pipe and slippers, playing with the, ahem, bone."

The Chief Commissioner leans forward and fixed him with an Anne Robinson stare, borrowed from makeup. "Amusing, Michael, but we have a problem. This is hideously sexist. I cannot put this on television. There would be riots. would melt down. Terry," she said, smiling beatifically at his grinning mug, "would be swamped. Women everywhere would be offended."

"But what about ? It's the same thing, but with men. Isn't that sexist?" The table erupted with laughter. The Commissioners slapped their thighs and clasped their chests. The Chief looked through tear-filled eyes at Michael. "Sexist? BYHTH? Sexist?

No, no, no, Mikey boy. It's all a bit of ‘fun’ you see. Just a little joke. Like I said on , it's clearly intended to be humourous."

are quite content to sit their silently, perhaps not quite understanding the issues at hand, but are the first to get their heads stuck into the books so that while they contributed precisely nothing to the class discussion, and thus everyone's overall understanding of the topic, they still get the best marks at the end of the year.

In fact, as a nation we are currently overflowing with expert practitioners of informed apathy. Note the political commentators who put the world to rights but don't do ANYTHING ABOUT IT, football managers who are content to see their clubs charge £45 a ticket moaning about fans not bothering to turn up.

And worst of all, politicians content to lecture us about the dangers of modern life (e.g. global warming) who don't spend their every minute tackling the problems.

So you see I.A (it's also easily abbreviated) isn't quite the same as hypocrisy. After decades of student activism, millions of protestors campaigning against everything from nuclear arms to the Iraq war to rising fuel price, those of you with half a

"But so is .

Each week there are humourous montages, where we show the men doing the training, and we morph a womans face into that of a dog that matches her personality. It's a real side-splitter."

The Chief composed herself, and straightened her jacket. “Look, Michael, honestly. It simply isn't the same thing. Men don't care about this sort of thing. They don't have proper feelings, bless them. It's ok to be discriminatory to people who are not oppressed, it's like, the law and that."

"This is stupid!" said Michael angrily, "Are you saying sexism is ok against men? What about equality? This is degradation! Rise up against the militant feminisation of society! We have rights, you know. Michael Buerk was right! I'll go to the papers, Channel 4 News, Rupert Murdoch will show this Corporation for what it is! I swear, I'll..."

The female Commissioner, quick as a flash, slammed her hand down on the big red button in the middle of the table. A huge perspex tube pops out of the ceiling, and lands flush over Michael's chair, enveloping his entire body. He beats on the glass, yelling soundless curses.

brain have realised that the best approach to take is to sit at the back of the class with a pencil in our mouths waiting for normal service to be resumed so we can get our A*/bonuses/peace of mind. What's the bloody point in protesting about anything anymore?

Almost every aspect of our daily lives is controlled by corporations, conglomerates and supermarkets all content to have those that make the important decisions firmly wedged in our back pocket.

But hey! At least thanks to the wonders of a free press and the internet, we know when we're getting screwed.

In a country where the leader of the executive and legislature can control all three branches of government with less than 40% of the popular vote, what do you expect?

For now, I'm going to be quiet about it, read as much as I possibly can and when the opportunity arises, I might finally find it appropriate to raise my voice.

She presses the switch again and Michael is hoovered into the ceiling, followed by the tube. The Chief lets out a sigh.

"Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen. Some still slip through the net.

Sexist? Probably reads cover to cover."

"Er, Boss," said one of the Commissioners, "where does that tube go? Where do we send all the stuff that's too rubbish to go on BBC One?" The Chief shrugged.

"Not absolutely sure," she said, smiling. "BBC Four, I think."

WE NEED YOU

email us at:

opinion@gairrhydd.com

Letters

Page 10

September 26 2005

letters@gairrhydd.com

WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!

The

letters page

All good things come to an end. I decided to begin with something philosophical, which is perhaps not wise at 11pm on a Thursday night in GR Towers. But on the other hand, all good things have to begin too, and lo and behold, the Cardiff season is on the horizon. Happy days! Who cares about the summer sun, the fun starts right here and right now. We have a new bunch of Freshers and the Student Union has opened its doors. You know what that means - the Factory and Rubber Duck are back in town! Don’t worry Freshers, you will soon know what I am talking about. Oh yeah, and enjoy the letters too. Menon.

Clean up your act HAVING ARRIVED back in Cardiff a few weeks for the start of my third year, I was shocked to find Cathays looking pretty, well, tidy.

While the students aren’t here the sun seems to come out, rubbish seems to appear for a matter of hours on Tuesday nights before disappearing (NOT being kicked across the pavement all the way down Cathays Terrace).

Pubs are quiet enough to have a pleasant conversation in and Monday nights aren’t spent being kept awake by the Bio-medicine rugby team climbing on the roof of your neighbours car.

It seems that us students, who pay cack all in council tax to recompense locals for our stay, are quite willing the make life disgusting for anyone living here who isn’t doing a BSc. in Business Administration.

My plea to my fellow students is this: have a bit of respect. Most people, students included, don’t relish (geddit) the thought of waking up with the smell of the rotting cheeseburger you threw in their garden wafting through their ground-floor window.

And put your bins out on Tuesday night, not Monday morning!

Yours, Old-fart, Cathays

A load of rubbish I AM NOT A member of Greenpeace but I deeply care about our environment.

After arriving to my student house in Cathays, I was told it was not possible to recycle any rubbish without paying to do so. This is outrageous; we should not have to pay to protect our environment. Besides, where does all this money go?

I think a recycling drive should be formed to encourage more students and the general public to recycle their rubbish.

Furthermore, too many people are leaving rubbish lying around and somebody should do something about this.

You never know, a recycling iniaitive could make the world a better place.

Yours, Student Environmentalist

Don’t think, drink!

WE HEAR so much about binge drinking in the media. Some guy in a suit explains how binge drinking can reduce your life by about 25 years, or something along those lines.

Well, I am absloutely sick of it!

Does everybody think we are stupid?!

All of us are aware of the dangers of

07791165837 Butternut squash is NOT a sex toy!

Its not gay if you don’t push back Mastication is the way forward Warning: In extreme cases, autoerotic asphixiation may lead to death Why is it that only the females of this planet are expected to be hairless?

Watch out freshers, Dave ‘STD’ Doyle was last spotted working in Central Bar. WIN A DATE WITH MENON, TEXT I WANT THAT HORNY LITTLE MONKEY TO 07791 165837, Pic messages desired FFF - Fuck a Fresher Fortnight.

Can I have my blender back please Matt.

binge drinking, there is no need for the government to waste time and energy addressing the issue.

University life is about having a good time and this involves drinking, funnily enough. Going to the pub and getting pissed is a social event which students over generations have taken part in.

As long as students know their limit, I don’t see occasional binge drinking as a problem.

Banning happy hours and cheap booze will not solve the problem of binge drinking anyway. This idea will simply encourage more people to visit the off-licence and drink dangerous amounts before hitting the town.

So freshers, take my advice. Get hammered in a sensible fashion, if that makes sense. You should know what I mean.

Yours, Third Year Law Student

ID cards are good I READ Geordie’s column last week and disagreed with a couple of points.

I believe that ID cards are a good idea for this country. Introducing ID cards will cut down crime and help police bring criminals to justice.

Take the example of the recent July London bombings. One of the bombers managed to board a Eurostar train and leave the country without any problems at all. If this man was forced to provide his ID card, he would have been arrested immediately and brought to justice.

Fortunately, this man was eventually caught in Rome. But it may not have been such a happy ending.

Here is another question for Geordie: What has ID cards got to do with creating pseudonyms? ID cards are being introduced to prevent crime, not people such as yourself inventing pseudonyms?

I can understand how annoying it may be to carry an ID card at all times. But nobody seems to have a problem with carrying their mobile phone with them all the time. Perhaps ID cards could be attached to mobiles so people won’t forget them so easily.

Finally, I have one more point in relation to Geordie’s column. He claims that ID cards will not allow under age drinking to take place. That is not necessarily true as adults can

Loafing Landlords I WOULD like to have a rant about student landlords. While they travel on business trips to Barbados and chill out in their jacuzzis, us students are freezing to death and paying for the privilege.

My landlord is a prime example of this. After moving into my student house yesterday, I was shocked to find there was no hot water or central heating.

Although the shower was working, I had to use the kettle to com-

still buy drinks for youngsters anyway.

Anyway, I am going to say no more. The only IDIOT I know is Geordie, or whatever his name is.

Yours, With nothing to hide

A Bunch of Wank I WALKED INTO my room in Talybont and what do I see on the bed but a . Since I didn’t know anybody and my flatmates hadn’t arrived I thought I’d sit down and have a flick.

But what do I turn to instead of an interesting columnist but a complete bunch of wank written by some pseudo northerner calling himself Geordie. Being from the north myself I reckon its my place to restore some pride to our people by telling the world the truth behind these puerile lies that this dickhead is writing.

I mean, he’s weighing in like some sort of fucking Sun columnist with that ID card column bollocks! "ID cards will put a stop to that?" He might as well just put OUTRAGE in front of it and submit it to the Daily Mail. It’s complete rubbish. Does he bother to stop and think of what else ID cards might put a stop to? Has he considered the increased security, the lowered crime rates and the complete national database that will allow us to find the lost faster? Has he considered the huge savings in time and effort and paperwork. No. He’s just appealing to the lowest common denominator and playing on unfounded fears that everybody has and making them worse. I won’t be picking up the gair rhydd if this is the sort of amateur bullshit I have to read everyday!

By the way Geordie - proof read your stuff. It’s full of typos.

Yours, J Goodwin : It wasn’t full of typos when I finished it. Blame the nonexistent subbing skills of the SABB team. I considered what ID cards will prevent: almost nothing, at the expense of civil liberties that have taken centuries to esablish and shouldn’t be thrown away just because the public are scared And save the personal insults, they only serve to weaken your argument.

plete the washing up.

Futhermore one of my housemaes did not even have a mattress in his room. Locks were broken and the garden area was in a mess.

I think this is disgraceful.

Although we are students, we do have standards of decency. I was not expecting a fully furnished penthouse but this is ridiculous.

It is strange how landlords are reluctant to fulfill our basic needs, yet are adamant about receiving their money on time.

After my landlord mislaid my cheque for this month’s rent, he

Write for ARE YOU interested in becoming a journalist one day? Do you enjoy writing? Or do you want to meet a new group of mates and enjoy a great social experience?

Well if the answer is yes to any of the above, you should consider writing for and/or We are always looking for new writers to join our team. There are a variety of different sections so don’t think you have to be like Trevor McDonald. If sport, music, food, politics, news, science, books, films or writing opinion is your thing, feel free to come to meetings or visit our office on the 4th floor of the Student Union - don’t worry, we won’t bite.

Alternatively, if you are more interested in photography, we would love to hear from you.

Our student media at Cardiff is rated very highly in the country. Last year gair rhydd won the NUS Daily Mirror award for Best Student newspaper in the UK, while Quench is a reigning EMAP Fanzine of the year.

So if you want to be read by the entire student population at Cardiff, now is your big chance.

Please email your letters to

letters@gairrhydd.com Fancy a moan about student life? Well, there is no better place to show what you think about student life. Send your gripes to the above email address.

We will endeavour to print anything that we think is worthwhile, but please remember that we do have space restrictions and some standards of decency. Please also note that the views expressed in these letters are not necessarily the views of Letters Desk, Cardiff University Students’ Union or

demanded to receive the cash before 12pm the following day.

Hardly what you would call a live and let live attitude.

My advice to anybody in a similar situation is to question the landlord on any issues of concern.

Make sure you are getting the deal you have paid for, otherwise your landlord will be laughing all the way to the bank.

A very disgruntled, upset, disolusioned, cold, poor, bitter, resentful, hate filled second year student

TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT! TEXT!

Comment

September 26 2005

Page 11

geordie@gairrhydd.com

The chewing gum on the shoe of opinion

SCUM OF A PREACHER MAN?

I

f you walk down the main street of almost any city, particularly at weekends, there are various preachers, evangelicals and, dare I say it, outright nutters extolling the virtues of whatever religion it is that they practice in the hope of converting a few passers-by.

Nobody listens. Those that already Believe don’t need to hear it, and those that don’t are unlikely to be persuaded.

The Island

W

hen I was in comprehensive school, there was a road accident in which a kid in the year below me died. I didn’t know the guy, but I was nevertheless condemned by the masses for not sharing in their grief. Never mind that a lot of them didn’t know him either.

Sport

“If fundamentalists could be argued with they wouldn’t be practising a religion in the first place”

homo sum, humani a me nihil alienum puto

BUSH: Ignore him, he’s a total nutter

The Cabinet: Episode 2 - While the twat’s away..

T

he July TERROR attacks on London have proven to be so urgent that the Prime Minister needed a holiday. Or he’s running away, whatever. The point is that he told lackey Clarke to sort out his mess, and has left Two Chins Prescott in overall command. But it’s left to the hero of the piece, Gordon Brown, to sort everything out.

The rest of the Cabinet aren’t very interested. They are, in fact, completely hammered. It is, after all, holiday time.

(exasperated)

Gordon Brown leaves in what can only be described as ‘a bit off a huff’. The look on his face clearly indicates he’s cooking up Some Sort Of Plan.

Whether this will be a good one or another Nu Labour cockup remains to be seen.

“Let someone else worry about the survival of the species.”

(Slurring)

“This is a drink-soaked former Trotskyite popinjay” -

! geordie@gairrhydd.com

Page 12

September 26 2005 politics@gairrhydd.com

MOVE OVER MURDOCH

New international news channels like Venezuela's Telesur are setting out to upset the balance of power in the media.

By Andrew Mickel Political Editor

O

ne name has dominated global news since its inception 20 years ago: CNN International. Now, however, other countries are setting up their own international news channels. Earlier this week, Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez launched a pilot version of Telesur.

Networks like Fox News become little more than jokes for all but their hardcore viewers

MEDIA: Incomming.

POLITICAL PARTIES LIVING ON BENEFIT

By Geordie Political Correspondant

W

hen Chelsea played CSKA Moscow recently, there was controversy when it transpired that the London club’s owner also had a large financial stake in their opposition, thus creating a conflict of interest: Mr Abramovich could use his financial clout to influence the result.

TALL ORDER: Start with eradicating poverty, it’s more acheivable

Science & Environment As the true impact of Katrina continues to emerge, Science asks; are the US authorities risking making things worse? as diverse as otters to wild boars.

The salt content of lake Pontchartrain has already dramatically increased with the influx of seawater brought to the area. “On the Mississippi coast, the water went in and out - in New Orleans, it went in and stayed,” said Professor Day. No-one, however, could have predicted the large scale devastation that the U.S is currently facing.

Hugh Kaufman of the US Environmental Protection Agency said of his country’s response to Katrina; “All the money for emergency response has gone to buy guns and cowboys-which don’t do anything when a hurricane hits. We were less prepared for this than we would have been on September 10 2001.”

So overwhelming is the disaster that 60 nations, including India, have offered aid to the Southern states.

According to experts, it may be several months before all the water is drained from New Orleans. This needs to happen before the vital permanent pumping stations can be reactivated.

This process is made even more tricky when the sheer number of bodies in the water are taken into account.

As of September 11, 50% of the city remained underwater. The US Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) said that the city’s pumping capacity was only 10% of the norm.

The USACE engineers have been working flat out to repair a series of breaches in New Orleans’ floodwall systems. The process has involved

THE AMOUNT of TV children watch is a better predictor of obesity than either diet or exercise, according to New Zealand researchers.

TV habits, body mass index and socio-economic status were among the factors tested in the study, which found that fatter children watched significantly more TV than other kids.

SCIENTISTS AT the Canberra Institute of Technology have discovered a third type of cannabis.

Apparently it looks similar to the indica subspecies that people use for the “high” it creates.

The official name for the new subspecies is set to be Cannabis sativa rasta, although this has not been officially confirmed.

dropping 300lb sandbags by helicopter into the canals and then building rock roads to allow heavy machinery through.

A further difficulty is that the hurricane season is far from over, and will run well into October. This will largely dictate the speed at which recovery work can be carried out.

The next question is- where should the filthy floodwaters be deposited?

Sewage and industrial chemicals float in the stagnant water, alongside bodies and petrol from vehicles.

Without power in the city the facilities just aren’t there to treat the contaminated water before pumping it away.

John Day, a professor at Louisiana State University’s Dept. of Oceanology

a step closer to understanding gravity.

The more calculations that are made, the bigger the indications that we are on the right track.

A NEW line of chewing gum developed in Japan could leave you smelling of roses for up to six hours.

The gum contains chemicals which the body then secretes.

SCIENTISTS IN the US have developed a backpack which generates enough power to a mobile.

and Coastal Studies says that New Orleans has no large industrial base, but for now scientists “just don’t know” what a full analysis of the waters will show.

Lake Pontchartrain, the large water mass north of New Orleans is the city’s traditional drain, and it is just not practical to pump all the water into the Mississippi River to the South.

Covering over 630 sq miles, Pontchartrain is home to over 125 species of aquatic life. The wetlands within the lake’s basin contain wildlife

The wetlands act as a natural break on hurricane surges, but have been reduced by approximately 25% in recent years as a direct result of development.

Experts at Louisiana state University have calculated that for every mile of wetlands that a storm surge passes, it reduces the flooding by a foot.

Professor Day argues that if the US authorities had heeded ecological warnings and spent $20-25bn on restoring wetlands in the Mississippi Delta, America would not now be facing a bill of $100bn.

So if the lake and wetlands are now flooded and destroyed by the water drained from the city, this will effectively leave New Orleans open to future, more devastating weather events.

The US federal authorites are currently looking for is a short term solution to a long term problem. Although they have to do everything in their power to rebuild New Orleans, the question is - does this need to be at the expense of the environment?

If you’ve got an interest in any area of science and want to contribute, email Science on: science@gairrhydd.com.

underpins our modern compensation culture. theory where small changes can cascade into larger and larger long-term effects. “A butterfly flaps its wings.....”

the theory is based on what happened in the first few seconds of the universe.

eventually lead us to the realisation that time is also relative, not absolute.

every living thing has ancestors, but only a fraction have descendents. Therefore adaptation is a key factor in surviving, giving rise to the common phrase - ‘survival of the fittest.’

a hotly debated topic, the consequences of which could be far-reaching indeed.

gives us our deepest knowledge of the physical world at the present time. brings us

plate movements underlie many major events in human society eg: the asian tsunami. a combination of theory and experiment that expands our knowledge of the world.

Page 14

Media

September 26 2005

media@gairrhydd.co.uk

WHAT KATIE DID

By Heather Casey Media Editor SUPERMODEL KATE Moss has had her picture featured on 10 pages of tabloid press I’m just two days this week.

MOSS: Not gathered by a rolling stone.

DROPPED

FUTURE?

If you’ve got an interest in any area of Media and would like to contribute, email: media@gairrhydd.com

Taf-Od

Tud 16

26 Medi 2005

tafod@gairrhydd.com

Mewn Undod Mae Nerth Gan Lois Dafydd Golygydd Taf-Od YN DILYN canlyniadau trychinebus Plaid Cymru yn yr etholiadau cyffredinol fis Mai, afraid dweud bod y disgwyliadau’n fawr yn ei chynhadledd flynyddol yn Aberystwyth eleni.

Thema’r gynhadledd, a oedd yn para penwythnos gyfan, oedd ‘Ein Dyfodol’, gyda’r arweinwyr yn amlwg am anghofio hunllef y gorffennol.

Dywedodd Ieuan Wyn Jones, arweinydd Plaid Cymru, fod ‘undod eithaf clir o fewn tîm arweinyddol y blaid’, ond nid yw perfformiad y blaid dros y

“Mae rhywfaint o

ddryswch ymhlith y Cymry ynglyn â phwy sy’n arwain y blaid mewn gwirionedd”

Gwyliau Glyndwr

blynyddoedd diwethaf yn cefnogi hyn.

Gostyngodd nifer seddi Plaid Cymru yn y cynulliad o 17 i 12 yn etholiad 2003, ac eleni collodd etholaeth dyngedfennol Ceredigion i’r Democratiaid Rhyddfrydol. Erbyn hyn mae rhywfaint o ddryswch ymhlith y Cymry ynglyn â phwy sy’n arwain y blaid mewn gwirionedd, ac mae’r ffigurau uchod yn awgrymu bod y cyhoedd yn colli ymddiriedaeth ynddi.

Yn ei araith ar ddiwrnod ola’r gynhadledd dangosodd llywydd Plaid Cymru, Dafydd Iwan, fod y blaid yn sylweddoli’r angen am newid cyfeiriad. Dywedodd, ‘Mi fyddwn ni’n gweld geni plaid ar ei newydd wedd ac ymlaen i’r etholiad yn 2007’, ac aeth yn ei flaen i drafod pwnc pwysig arall yng ngolwg Plaid Cymru, sef galw ar ieuenctid Cymru i ymuno â hi.

Yn ystod y gynhadledd cyflwynodd Plaid Cymru ei mudiad ieuenctid newydd, Cymru X, gyda’r bwriad o ‘ysbrydoli’r to ifanc’. Dywedodd Dafydd Iwan na allai ‘yr un blaid oroesi oni bai ei bod yn gallu adnewyddu ei hun gyda thalent ifanc.’

Gan Lois Dafydd Golygydd Taf-Od

A gall Dafydd Iwan achyb Plaid Cymru?

MAE’N SIWR y byddai mwyafrif trigolion Caerdydd yn cysylltu’r enw Owain Glyndwr â’r dafarn yng nghanol y brifddinas, heb erioed ystyried pwy oedd y person hwnnw.

Ond yn ddiweddar ceisiodd Cyngor Sir Caerdydd newid hynny.

Ar 16 Medi 1400 cyhoeddodd Owain Glynd_r ei hun yn Dywysog Cymru, cyn arwain gwrthryfel mewn ymgais i sefydlu gwladwriaeth Gymreig. Ehangodd ffiniau’r wlad, ond methiant fu’r gwrthryfel. Er hynny ystyrir 16 Medi yn Ddiwrnod Owain Glyndwr.

Eleni, yn dilyn sawl cais, cytunodd Cyngor Sir Caerdydd i chwifio baner Owain Glyndwr uwchben Castell Caerdydd yn ystod yr wythnos yn arwain at yr 16eg. Dyma’r tro cyntaf i hyn ddigwydd ers i Owain a’i filwyr orchfygu’r castell ym 1404.

Dywedodd y cynghorydd Nigel Howells wrth y BBC, ‘Mae Owain yn un o ffigurau amlycaf hanes Cymru ac mae’n bwysig ein bod yn ei gofio’.

Ond a yw chwifio’r faner felen a choch yn mynd i brocio’r cof mewn gwirionedd, heb unrhyw esboniad o’i arwyddocâd? Aeth y diwrnod heibio heb i fwyafrif y Cymry sylweddoli ei bod hi’n ddiwrnod arbennig. Mae galw cynyddol i wneud 16 Medi yn wyliau swyddogol, er mwyn creu gwir ymwybyddiaeth ohono.

Mae’n debyg i Owain fod o’n plaid ni fyfyrwyr adeg y gwrthryfel. Yn ei lythyr Pennal i frenin Ffrainc, mynegodd ei ddymuniad i sefydlu dwy brifysgol yng Nghymru, dros 400 mlynedd cyn sefydlu’r brifysgol gyntaf yn Aberystwyth ym 1872.

Dyma ddyn oedd yn wir o flaen ei amser.

Banner Glyndwr

Trwy gydol y flwyddyn ry’n ni’n gobeithio cadw mewn cysylltiad â chymdeithasau sy’n gweithredu drwy gyfrwng y Gymraeg. Yr wythnos hon, dyma gyfle i wrando ar yr hyn sydd gan yr Undeb Cristnogol i’w gynnig…

Problem Page

Amber Duval S EX

ADVICE FOR THE JILTED GENERATION

This week: piss, pooches, parents and painting.

Hello, girls, boys and in-betweeners!

Well it’s so good to see Cardiff buzzing with bodies again, particularly those of the nubile and naive sort. God, I love freshers. What can’t you teach them about sex? I’m always amazed that you lot don’t know about the joys of golden showers, Brazilians and double dildos yet. Never matter, that’s what I’m here for, to guide you through your days as an unconquered student, coming - well, just coming, really. Do remember that I’m always here if you need me - I’m just an email away...

Lots of love, Amber, here for YOU. Xxx

Amber says: Dear IP, I feel for you, I really do, but to be honest the community of urethra fetishists is very small, so unless you carry on seeing this girl, it looks like chatrooms for you.

Lots of love, Amber xxx

Dogg y Style sionary style was enough to please him. Well, you were wrong. Just because you don’t like to experiment, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to, and given that you probably never even do doggy it isn’t a surpirse to me that he wants to try something new. I mean, I know what it’s like. You pull the same moves everytime, it’s bound to get monotonous, and who would want that?

So take my advice and let him dribble, bite and penetrate from behind as much as it takes his fancy, because someone may as well be getting something out of your sex life.

Lots of love, Amber xxx

Amber says: Dear Edie, I can affirm that it is true - in my experience, I have found that some men do want to roger their mums into next week - even if their mum is called Ann. And I wouldn’t worry

about it simply as it is so common.

I mean, it’s like you wanting to have some pipe laid by your dad.

See? When you look at it like that it hardly seems wierd at all, does it?

I once knew a bloke who was so into his mum, he made all his girlfriends dress like her when they got down to business. Did it put any girls of him? No, of course not - I was shagging him for weeks, and it didn’t do me any harm - though I’ve got to say that beige knee high stockings aren’t really my favourite sort of accoutrements.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

Love from Amber xxx

Amber says: Dear Tat Man,

Amber says: Dear Ali, Well, this is a nice little situation you’ve got yourself into, isn’t it?

There you were, thinking your up and-down comptetely banal mis-

Fist of Tory: Conservative Girls get What’s Coming to Them Part 3

Well, I can see why it’s embarrassing, and as the average man doesn’t measure up to the kind of size we woman like, I suggest that maybe it is better to keep your schlong to yourself, or else join micropenis.com as their latest ‘star’.

Love from Amber xxx

Need help? Email Amber: problempage@gairrhydd.com

Health

September 26 2005

Page 21

health@gairrhydd.com

CARDIFF’S COLD WAR Laura Murphy laments the onset of the annual student plague known as Freshers’ Flu and discovers why too much kissing can be a bad thing.

By Laura Murphy Deputy Health Editor

S

O THE first few weeks of the new term have gone by.

COLD: Pass the Lemsip.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO BEAT THE FLU

By Vanessa Roche Health Editor

S

O, YOU have the Freshers’ flu.

Yes, we know, it’s not nice, but luckily, we can help you.

HEALTH CENTRE: Dealing in tissues and issues.

Free Stuff

ab !

But what we didn’t know is that the ‘International Man-Whore Society’ exists. Where on earth would we find that?

Why, in the new flick of course, where our favourite gigolo (we don’t know of many official ones) takes to the European continent to resume, er, work.

Set in the heart of all things naughty in Amsterdam, isn’t just a sequel to the hugely successful 2001 release. In fact it’s a story in its own right, developed around the ‘International MaleWhore Society’ and its very obliging members.

Along the way, Deuce (Rob Schneider) must compete against the powerful European Union of prostidudes and court a bevy of abnormal female clients including the beautiful Eva (Hanna Verboom).

So there’s plenty of eye candy in this film for the lads, (Kelly Brook and Rachel Stevens also feature) plus lots

of humour for everyone, delivered by the main man himself and his pimp, T.J. Hicks (Eddie Griffin).

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo is out on national release this Friday, so pop yourselves down to the Vue Cinema (formerly Ster Century) to catch all the action. Not only will you get to see the film the way it’s meant to be seen – on the biggest screen – you’ll also get top sound and projection from the comfiest seats in Cardiff.

I’m giving away 5 pairs of tickets for the film. To win, just answer the following question and enter in the usual way:

So, like the flyers in your letter-boxes, dates in your diaries and lagers in your bellies this week, ab! is pretty crammed, so much so I don’t even get much space to gabble on and tell you how

ning a competition exclusive to Cardiff University students, giving them the chance to win the entire collection worth over £130.

And that’s not all; you beauty queens out there are also entitled to 15% off Pout products when you purchase online at Taking its inspiration from the British countryside, Twinset and Pearls is a delicate palette of pretty pearls, tweedy greens, sky blues and dusty pinks; even the collection’s eye shadow duos, ‘miss england’, ‘miss scotland’ and ‘miss wales’, are drawn from our fair kingdom in their earthy and silvery hues.

Eager to get close to your skin, Pout packages its products just like underwear, seducing fun loving girlie girls like myself with its sophistication and innovative product names.

From ‘rampant rose’ flush blush to ‘prim girl’ redcurrant jelly lipslick, the fresh, daytime look of ‘Twinset’ and the nighttime glamour of ‘Pearls’ promises to bring out the beauty in us all.

2ManyDJs After bringing us the likes of The Coral, Razorlight, Fatboy Slim, Keane and The Zutons in recent years (and this is to name but a few) they’ve pulled it out of the bag yet again in 2005.

This year’s line up includes Supergrass, Bloc Party, Motorhead and KT Tunstall and, again, this isn’t even the start of it - there are just too many DJs and artists to choose from!

So what would be more relevant than to tell you guys about one of the first great acts to perform this year?

Yes, 2 Many DJs are here alongside Soulwax on Oct 2nd in our very own Great Hall.

The tour, set to coincide with the new Night Versions album, will feature both of these separate (but joint) acts performing nightclub versions of tracks from previous album .

Confused? I am, (they should just stick to the one name) but what I do know is that their music is pretty cool stuff.

Taking an eclectic approach to mixing sounds from artists as diverse as Basement Jaxx and Kylie, their work can be described as a ‘cut and paste“ musical collage.

Tickets for the event are a snip at £14 and can be purchased at the union box office or online at .

If you’d like to get on the guest list for the Soulwax/2 Many DJs gig, I have two places to give away. To win, just answer the following question and enter in the usual way:

great my prizes are.

In addition to £130 worth of Pout cosmetics and 6 funky t-shirts, I’ve got cinema and gig tickets galore for you babies to win this week.

To enter any of the competitions on my fair page, simply email me at the above address.

Pretty simple really.

Having attracted a cult celebrity following with its range of creative and prettily packaged makeup, Pout is the name on everyone’s lips. And now you can get it on yours!

To celebrate the launch of Twinset and Pearls, the new Autumn/Winter collection, Pout are run-

Picking out the Dylan’s amongst the TV Blunts Sept 26 - Oct 2 2005

HOT

NOT

Although we here at TV would never go so far as to suggest that the British tabloid press is a hypocritical piss-flap of an industry. We do love the fact that papers that produce the likes of the above page have the balls to take the moral high ground, RE: Kate Moss.

Neighbours Bloody Wimbledon eh? Who do those tennis players think they are? For every weekday’s play we got an episode of Neighbours behind. And that friends, will not do.

Fans of Tunnel Vision TV Desk’s expansion into Quench wil have read TV John’s wise words about new family the Timmins’s who are about as much as being hit around the head with a bagful of dead otters. Close your eyes and hope they go away Elsewhere the return of evil, evil Darcy is apparently going to be halted by Izzy who apparently is going to stop him blackmailing her ‘permanently’. I take it by that subtle hint she’s going to try and kill him. Good luck love, he’s invincible that one. Now Paul Robinson on the other hand...

Quoteth our venerable columnist Geordie: “Person with lots of money takes cocaine, sun sets in East shock”. But what a terrible role model Moss is to young anorexic wannabe models looking for crack-crippled boyfriends.

Funny how The Beatles got lauded for doing lots of drugs

Martin Scorsese, who made it big in the 1980s directing luminaries and inspirational artifacts such as Michael Jackson’s Bad video, and Mean Time, with Cheech and Chongue has set out to prove he can direct cultural minnows too: firstly with a load of three fingered banjo players, and now glorified busking bagpipe-voiced hippy Bob Dylan. , should be awesome, not least because my dad says it will be, but because contrary to what many people say, Dylan is quite an interesting guy. He’s no Evel Knievel, but you know, that Jimi Hendrix cover he did was something else. For hardened fans of the voice mangler, has several programs, all of w h i c h sound l i k e

Fudge Tunnel

utter nonsense:

being just one of them. Seriously though, the Scorsese documentary, if the soundtrack album (the bootleg series volume 7) will blow your head off, and the rest of the Zimmer-mania will be there to catch the spurting geyser of blood pouring out of your neck.

Great.

Elsewhere, all you blithering morons who get sucked into every hyped television program going can keep watching even though it’s crap. I speak with authority: I saw fifty minutes of one episode and can’t remember what happened.

is brilliant, but like most of the pauperish degenerates who live around here, I’m going to have to wait for it to rock BBC2 in order to watch any of the new series. Please write in if you’ve seen any of the new series, and then talk a long walk off a short plank into a barrel of electric trout marked “smuggo’s get you as kicked here”.

So here’s to another year. I’m TV John, I’m still here. The lovely TV Grace and TV Gareth haven’t seen fit to bother returning to Cardiff yet, so we’ve had a plethora of guest writers: TV Sam, TV Geordie, TV Will in probably his last appearance in TV desk as he’s clearly above this sort of thing. Keep watching kids, and remember there is life after TV Desk. Take care! xxx

DVDS TO RENT/BUY I am well aware that I should be gushing extensively about how jolly marvellous and spiffing Sin City is, because I’m like, totally fucking cool and saying Sin City is the movie equivalent of Bloc Party. Blah Blah Blah.

Who cares, because Curb! Your! Enthusiasm!

Season! Four! Is finally out! Regular browsers of TV Desk will know of our undying adoration for the work of Larry David. I haven’t seen a blind second of this series but It’s a dead cert it’ll be more of the same embarassing social situations where Larry inevitably needs the assistance of somebody he was rude to previously in the episode. It’s simple, affecting, he’s allowed to say “c**t” because it’s on HBO and will be the perfect stopgap between now and the end of October when seasons 5 and 6 of Seinfeld hit the shops. By which time I’ll probably have retired from writing for you lot anyway. Pick up a copy of CYE4 at your local Silverscreen store, and get 10% off! I feel sick.

SPORT Like a stray dog that you once gave some Chum, is back ( and it won’t go away.

Now that Lawro, Linny and, er, Alan Hansen have reached unprecedented levels of smugness, I suggest you turn the sound down and have the radio on instead.

FILMS YES! one of the greatest pieces of film ever made (You sure? - Ed.) is on on at Not many film’s brilliance is based on the fact they they know how to navigate their way round a good pun - so don’t miss it. Unless you like eggs.

RADIO Even as an Out Straight Man it seems a shame to have two of the most good-lookingest men in film history on the radio, but what do I know? presented by Johnny Depp is a profile of the film legend who died at the age of 24 (three years older than me - argh!) when he ploughed his Porsche into a tree.

Although this kind of thing has been done about 612 times before, it will be interesting to see what Depp, star of the recent Charlie And The Chocolate Factory amongst others, will a have to say about the short lived life of Dean.

Probably something like “Yeah, but can he do Keith Richards as a pirate?”

Worth a listen at least.

Monday

Barney Channel 5 8.55am

P R I M E T I M E

Bricking It Ch4 10.45am

P R I M E T I M E

Husband To Heel BBC2 7.00pm

PRIMETIME PRIMETIME

P R I M E T I M E

W aking The Dead BBC1 9.00pm

Tuesday

Beat The Burglar BBC1 9.15am

Demon Headmaster BBC2 7.25am

Heʼ’s Having A Baby BBC3 8.30am

Love Soup BBC1 9.00pm

Yeah, right. I live in a shit tip, I bet no one else on earth has a house like mine.

Izzy plays her final card when she approaches a 'hit man'.

Don’t watch shitty kids’ TV shows.

Spud bids a tearful farewell to the Gallagher's as he is reunited with his Mum. That’s another Oasis bassist gone then?

Starring Pete Doherty and Kate Moss.

Like it’s hot.

As Mickey struggles to come to terms with meeting his real father, Gus, Juley, Minty and Garry find themselves on the run in the French countryside.

Hi-jinx ensue I’m sure.

Step One: grow a beard. Step Two: Buy some Werther’s Original and a pair of binoculars. Step 3: Repeat the above as appropriate.

Tamsin Grieg finally makes the move to BBC1 al a Sally Phillips of fame. Bet this will be shit then. Shame.

The Greeks. They invented gay.

Sienna Miller - Jude Law - Sadie Frost - Kate Moss - Pete Doherty - Lisa Moorish - Liam Gallagher Nicole Appleton to, er, Sienna Miller. YES!

Jack Osbourne discusses his dramatic weight loss, Ricky Tomlinson talks about being a workingclass warrior, and there's an exclusive performance from Jamie Cullum. Sounds. Fucking.

Terrible.

Continuing the story of Bob Dylan, directed

by Martin Scorsese. If anyone hasn’t read Bobby’s autobiography you should. It’s fairly ace.

Home of Editor Tom’s mail-order bride.

Bondage, good for a laugh.

Sounds dubiously stupid making.

Is this the one with Cheggers?

Desperate for cash to pay off the bailiffs, Val steals money from the Antiques Barn.

Getting his claws into his brother's ex, Robert kisses Debbie. A double booking causes trouble for Steph at the B&B. Innuendo alert!

Pure class.

Right into her eyes.

very very early.

Darcy is pleased to introduce Elizabeth to his sister, Georgiana, and to welcome her and her aunt and uncle to As Mickey struggles Pemberley. In spite of Miss to come to terms with meeting Bingley's best efforts, their relahis real father, Gus, Juley, Minty tionship is growing warmer, until and Garry find themselves on the Elizabeth receives a piece of disrun in the French countryside. tressing news from Longbourn.

Glen is happily married to Jill, however, Jill is still happily in lust with Don. Sue brings her new boyfriend, Vicar Arno, to visit Cath, who announces her pregnancy, much to Jill’s horror. Jill also meets Cath and Don's youngest son, Bruce. So all in all, the shit totally hits the fan and i suspect that someone will have to sort that mess out.

A look through the archives at some of the many artists who have come into BBC studios to sing their versions of Bob Dylan songs.

Featured performers include Peter, Paul and Mary, Lulu, the Byrds, Joan Baez, Eric Clapton, Madeleine Peyroux, Bryan Ferry, UB40, Julie Felix, Manfred Mann.

Best

Kirsty and her best friend and cohort Sophie steal jewellery and fashion accessories on a regular basis.

Nostalgia-based comedy quiz presented by Clive Anderson.

They’re not even trying to disguise programmes for old people anymore Johnny Borrell, the guy who tried to be the bassist out of Pearl Jam

Triple bill of the show in which New York City's outspoken family court judge, Judy Sheindlin, presides over a series of real-life cases and conflicts.

Class, pure class.

029 20229977

Nicely roasted with some homemade apple sauce.

A whole program dedicated to milk and its benefits.

Perhaps thats the dyslexia talking.

Incest, always entertaining.

How the hell does a house get sick?

Menon’s search for a date gets desperate.

I told you not too, now you have. For christs sake, dont you listen to anything. Fuck me!

Who told you? i’m just standing here!

You can’t prove anything.

Not a chance Jodie Marsh, not a chance.

GOOOOOOAAAAALLLLL.

Brum.

Sooooooo early,

Claire Sweeney presents the series in which a home gets a new look in just one hour. Today's challenge is in Kirkby, near Liverpool, where owners Mary and John have run out of ideas for their unconventional home a converted pig sty.

Featuring George

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

Of all the people in the world who are going to take a street kid from Chino into their house and them adopt him as one of their own, surely the inhabitants of the O.C are amongst the favourites to fuck this task off.

Whips the shit out of

STUDENT SAVER

ranslates as “Rubbish Welsh witch-related Sabrina the Teenage Witch rip-off”

the big one ‘bitey’ “ Keeping it in the family. A sound strategy, it hasn’t done me or my co-star relations any harm.

“I call

ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

Wednesday BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

Not here at GR Towers it’s gonna be a late one.

My nomination: The TV listings we only do to get free pizza.

“We are lying pishers, but feel free to elect us

Ant and Dec host the show where celebrity stars take turn to urinate all over each other both metaphorically and metaphysically. Whatever that means.

ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89

I wish I was in bed. Everything that could possibly be finished is finished except for twatting TV and it’s twatting listings that no-one reads anyway.

Booooooooooooooo!

DELIVERED! 029 20229977

Bigmouth, la la la la la. There could do with being some lame ‘gag’ about Paris Hilton and/or Abi Titmuss.

I’ll be going into the madhouse soon if I don’t get some bloody TV editors here to do this slave labour. Gah! It’s 3am. One more line.

Driving in your car, oh please don’t drop me home etc.

This sounds hyperultra-mega-line-fillingly-stupendously-hyper-done-that-onewhoops shit.

We got Freeview the other week. It’s not too shabby in terms of being guaranteed an episode of the massively average Friends to watch with your lunch. There’s not a lot else though - I await with anticipation the launch of More4 Note to Freshers we’re normally a lot wittier. But there’s no-one here.

Starring Dave ‘ The Rave’ Menon

That’s what I said to my sister anyway.

If a ten tonne truck kills the both us the pleasure is mine.

PRIMETIME

Some films just really deserve a sequel.

that notoriously responsible and trustworth profession Kate Moss versus the entire British tabloid press. Not a fair fight really - that Moss has got a fair scratch on her.

Right everyone else has used this as an effective ethod of filling space. So so shall I. Ahem Fancy getting free CDs, film screening, books and more?

Come and write for the awardwinning Quench magazine before it’s too late and I steal all the good records.

That sounds like precisely no-one’s sound of fun.

The favourite records of Octimus Prime and the one who’s voice is Bender form Futurama from Transformers It’s Dylan-tastic on here tonight I see they’ve timed it so Bobcats can turn over to BBC4 to watch some more Dylan grunting action. I saw him live at the Manchester Evening Arena once. He was massively crap.

Couldn’t tell a word he sang or which songs were which.

Nevertheless the reviews in the paper gave him 5/5. My, what an incredibily dull anecdote.

What about Vanilla Ice? You can’t neglect the mike skills of the Iceman.

Starring Peter Andre, an industrial sized tub of lube and and unwitting studio audience.

I give up.

STUDENT SAVER

PRIMETIME

I E

It’s like 2001: A Space Odyessy, but instead of a scary computer it’s a courgette and instead of Dave it’s this cunt.

I R

M

the

But on that note, come and work for gair rhydd, it looks great on your CV.

P

real life story of a one legged cyclist.

Can’t be much of a link here as it’s common knowledge that all politicians, particularly Tories, have sold their souls to the devil.

Don’t give me any of that ‘dear television bullshit’. Doing this at 2am is soul-destroying.

P R I M E T I M E

E

3am is the witching hour/when the TV Desk jokes start to fall horribly flat

T

M I

I’m not sure whether this is teaching people how to be good at Road Rage or

R P

Odd that, I saw this on a calling card in a phone box in London once.

Starring Geordie, his STI and whichever gullible Freshers he can seduce.

M

Boyd makes a rash commitment to Kayla - and is forced to reject Janae. Stuart and Sindi fib their way into family trouble. Harold and Lou get into a sticky situation with superglue. And Summer learns she shares a gift with her late Mum - a rampant rabbit?

E

T

I

M

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Sept 26 - Oct 2 2005

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doingthreepages@workstartsinfourhours.com

6:00am: Breakfast 9:15 Beat the Burglar 10:00 City Hospital 11:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:30 Car Booty 12:15pm: Bargain Hunt 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather.

1:40 Neighbours 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Diagnosis Murder 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News. 3:25 CBBC: ChuckleVision 3:40 Pitt and Kantrop 4:05 Mona the Vampire 4:30 The Crust 5:00 Hurricane Katrina: The Children's Story... And they all lived happily ever after.

5:25 Newsround.

5:35 Neighbours Janelle comforts a heartbroken Janae.

Janae is such a ho. Ramsay Street hasn’t seen a tart this wanton since the days of Amy , whathisname, nerd boy - Lance, yeah his girlfriend, couldn’t keep her slacks on.

6:00 BBC News and Weather.

6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Hotel on Sea 7:30 EastEnders 8:00 Rogue Traders 8:30 The Queen's Cavalry 9:00 Spooks 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather.

10:35 Question Time 11:35 This Week 12:20am: FILM: Her Deadly Rival Your typical weekday-onBBC1 jealous wife vs maniac husband-stalker low octane Bmovie thriller.

1:55 Sign Zone: Panorama.

2:35 Sign Zone: Horizon Documentary about Stephen Hawkings with signing, in a cruel ironic twist.

3:25 Sign Zone: Property People 4:25 Joins BBC News 24

19.00 7 o'Clock News on BBC Three 19.30 Trauma 20.00 Little Angels 20.30 He's Having a Baby 21.00 Honey We're Killing the Kids 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Spooks 23.30 Desperate Midwives 24.00 Desperate Midwives 24.30 Honey We're Killing the Kids 01.25 Trauma Uncut 01.55 Trauma Uncut 02.25 Desperate Midwives 02.55 Desperate Midwives 03.25 Little Angels 03.55 Close Hello, TV John here. How was you summer? Mine was a complete waste of time. I got made redundant in July and then did precisely knob all until the beginning of September, spending all day festering in my room watching Seinfeld and eating tinned hot-dogs in brine. Who needs a gap year backpacking trip in Kenya when you’ve got eight of Prince’s finest reconstituted chicken “sausages” sizzling in urine-flavoured saucepan runoff? Well quite. And I didn’t have to listen to Jack freaking Johnson whilst I was doing so. om;ldfmg;lmw;lrml

6:00am: Close 7:00 CBBC: Arthur 7:25 The Demon Headmaster. 7:55 Newsround 8:00 DIY TV. 8:30 CBeebies: Cbeebies Birthdays: 8:50 Be Safe With the Tweenies 9:00 Muffin the Mule. 9:15 Boo! 9:25 Boogie Beebies 9:40 Balamory. 10:00 My Wife and Kids 10:20 Trade Secrets 10:30 Watch. Barnaby Bear To the Rescue!

10:45 Something Special.

Something to Think about: Farm. Dave Benson Phillips fisting a goats rectum. Something else to think about.

11:00 The Chronicles of Narnia.

The Magician's Nephew.

11:15 Numbertime.

11:30 The Labour Party Conference 2005: A Daily Politics Special.

1:00pm: Meet the Ancestors 1:30 Working Lunch 2:00 FILM: Father Came Too Fnarr!

3:30 Escape to the Country 4:30 Ready Steady Cook.

5:15 Weakest Link.

6:00 Flog It! 7:00 Venice.

8:00 A Year at Kew. 8:30 No Waste Like Home Patronising tripe where middle class idiots are told that plutonium crisp packets are non-recyclable.

9:00 Horizon 9:50 Underground Britain 10:30 Newsnight.

11:20 The Monastery .12:20am: Joins BBC News 24.

2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: Science. The Human Body.

4:00 Technology: Techno So yeah, I’m currently digging the following:

by The Constantines,

by The Hold Steady, and the self-titled Black Mountain and Wildnerness album,

by Okkervil River...

19.00 Sounds of the Sixties 19.10 Great Railway Journeys No. 56: Cardiff Central to Bristol Temple Meads, April 2002. I drank a bottle of Salisbury Superstore rose, and got told to turn off my portable stereo by a man in a suit because Stephin Merrit’s ukelele playing was “doing (his) head in” 20.00 The World 20.30 Mind Games 21.00 Tales from the Palaces 21.30 A Very English Village 22.20 QI 22.50 People like Us Five million times better, and where The Office stole most of it’s ideas from. FACT 23.20 Arrested Development One of the best comedy shows currently in production. FACT. 23.45 Arena 24.40 Tales from the Palaces 01.10 A Very English Village 02.00 Mind Games 02.30 Tales from the Palaces 03.00 A Very English Village Buttfuck-on-the-Wold, Shropshire.

Where men are men, women are women, and children spit acid and have twiglets growing out of their eyelids.

03.50 Close

6.00 GMTV News Hour 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show.

Wife... Please Take Me Back Next week: Bitch... Cook My Omelette 10.30 This Morning.

12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather. 1.30 Loose Women.

2.15 Dial A Mum. Chris and Nikki 3.00 Trading Treasures.

3.30 Pocoyo. Double Bubble 3.35 Feodor 3.45 Blips 4.00 All Grown Up! Yu-Gotta-Go 4.30 The Giblet Boys. Further adventures with the loveable chicken entrails.

5.00 The Paul O'Grady Show.

6.00 ITV Wales News and Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather.

7.00 Emmerdale.

7.30 Wales on the Move Apparently the whole thing’s going to be dragged across the ocean to the arse end of nowhere where we belong.

8.00 The Bill.

9.00 All About George.

10.00 Mike Bassett: Manager. Football's Coming Home Yeah, like this needed a sitcom spin-off.

10.30 ITV News.

11.00 Wales This Week.

11.30 Soccer Night 0.00 Never to be Forgotten.

0.25 Goal! The World Premiere. this ain’t. , it probably is.

0.55 Tracy Chapman in Profile.

1.20 Providence. Good Fellows 2.00 Too Many Cooks 2.50 Cybernet. 3.15 Motorsport UK. 3.55 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Morning News ...Petra Jean Phillipson,

by Rhianna, by Death Cab For Cutie, that Kelly Clarkson song but not the new Kelly Clarkson song and Billy Joel.

6:00am Inuk 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs7:00am B4 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:25am 3 Minute Wonder: My Friend Alistair Campbell 9:30am Live Now, Pay Later: 9:55am Trouble Online 10:20am Tate Modern - World War I 10:25am From the Top 10:50am National Gallery 10:55am From the Top 11:20am National Gallery 11:25am Teens on Trial 11:55am Tate Modern 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Back in the Day 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing 3:00pm A Place in the Sun 4:00pm Come Dine With Me 4:30pm A Place in Slovakia 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: The Homeless World Cup 8:00pm Riskin 9:00pm Elizabeth I 11:10pm Temple of Bling 12:10am Bollywood Firsts There’s a film title supposed to be here. But I’ve deleted it, and I do not care.

3:05am Impressionism: Revenge of the Nice Weren’t The Nice a dodgy seventies psychedelic band? Or a glam band?

Or am I just thinking of The Sweet? Either way, I can’t imagine The Nice exacting any sort of revenge on anyone, impressionistic or otherwise 5:05am Scraphead Challenge A best of STINKING show featuring NERD highlights.

06.00 A House That's Just Like Yours 06.25 Rolie Polie Olie 06.50 Hi-5 07.25 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.15 Peppa Pig 08.25 Bear in the Big Blue House 08.55 Barney 09.15 The Clangers 09.25 Trisha Goddard 10.30 The Wright Stuff 11.30 five news 12.00 Family Affairs 12.30 Home and Away The Stalker lurks in the shadows as the Miss Groper pageant unfolds. These things write themselves 13.00 BrainTeaser 14.00 Film: Target Unknown 15.45 UEFA Cup Football: Locomotiv Plovdiv v Bolton 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs As two new faces join the street, Justin finds himself in a sticky situation.Fnarr!

19.00 five news 19.15 Ocean's Greatest Wrecks 20.00 The 20 Quickest Ways to Make Money on Your Property No. 17 Pimp out Kate Moss to junkies who need brittle-boned culture-voids to tell them how meaningful their tuneless dirges are.

21.00 The Hotel Inspector 22.00 House 23.00 Trust Me - I'm a Holiday Rep 24.00 John Barnes' Football Night 24.40 UEFA Cup Football 02.10 Dutch Football 03.40 Portuguese Football 05.10 Argentinian Football Highlights 06.10 Belgian 3rd Division One Legged Mongs Football 06.15 Man/Antelope Hybrid Football On Ice

6.00 GMTV2.

9.25 60 Minute Makeover.

10.25 Sally Jessy Raphael.

11.10 Judge Judy. 12.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show.

1.30 Airline USA. There's Real Time...Then There's Airline Time And there’s wasting time.

2.00 Coronation Street. 2.30 Emmerdale. 3.00 The Ricki Lake Show.

3.50 Trisha.

4.55 Sally Jessy Raphael.

5.45 Judge Judy.

7.00 3rd Rock from the Sun. Will Work for Dick 7.30 UEFA Cup Live. Everton v Dinamo Bucharest Here’s hoping the scouse thugs get walloped in the replay too.

10.30 Hell's Kitchen USA 11.30 Teenagers from Hell 0.35 3rd Rock from the Sun. 1.00 The Ricki Lake Show.

1.50 Big Game TV A program for all you deer, antelopes and sperm whales out there. This week, Barry Antelope’s weather report and Leeroy Von Stag explains how to get the most out of your power drill.

3.00 Teleshopping.

5.00 ITV2 Nightscreen. ;odfgerpmlfgdfgd

6:00am E4 Music 6:00am Morning Glory 7:00am Morning Glory 8:00am Wake Up With...

9:00am Freshly Squeezed Tunes 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Whatever... You Want 12:00pm Hijacked By...Sean Paul Songs on SP’s playlist include: .T ,

09:00Teens on Trial 09:30 Teen Life2005: Live Now, Pay Later 09:55 Trouble Online 10:20 Tate Modern 10:25 Life Stuff: From The Top 10:50 National Gallery 10:55 Life STuff: From the Top 11:20 National Gallery 11:25 Tate Modern 11:30 Adnoddau Cymraeg Ail-aith 12:00 Newyddion 12:30 Planed Plant Bach 12:30 Y Brodyr 12:50 Dic a Dei a Delyth 13:00 Channel 4 Racing 15:00 It’s Me or the Dog 15:30 A Place in Slovakiat 16:00 Beybade 16:25 Wap! 16:40 Crafwr 16:50 Ffeil 17:00 Richard and Judy 18:00 The Simpsons: Last Exit to Springfield 18:30 Cymer Fi 19:00 Wedi 7 19:30 Newyddion 20:00 Pobol y Cwm 20:25 Clwb Garddio 21:00 Dudley 21:30 Elizabeth I 23:35 The World’s Most Extreme Television 01:10 Scrubs 01:40 Main Hoon Na Indian shennanigans.

, and 1:00pm Pepsi Max Downloaded: Natasha Bedingfield 2:00pm The O.C. 3:00pm WIithout a Trace4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Fiends 5:30pm Fiends 6:00pm The O.C 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Switched 8:00pm Fiends 9:00pm One Tree Hill 10:00pm The Simple Life: Intern 10:30pm Massive Balls of Steel 11:00pm Sugar Rush 11:35pm A Bear’s Tale 12:05amQueer as Folk

Friday

rubbish.

Special guest stars: a couple of suicide bombers.

Boom boom.

P R I M E T I M E

Seriously, who the fuck actually speaks to their neighbours?

This one.

Most people’s vision of hell.

A bit wet, at the minute. particularly Louisiana.

Hosted by the National Socialist Party.

Watch a poisonous ginger alcoholic abuse some poor cunts because they can’t answer questions it’s taken the research team a week to put together. Never mind that she’s clearly a moron.

See ‘My Wife and Kids’, 10am Big Africa. GIANT UNIVERSE.

P R I M E T I M E

Who the fuck actually speaks to their neighbours?

The gunshot wound was a giveaway.

£50 the lot.

Can’t say fairer than that. Okay, £35.

They use what I euphemistically term ‘mystery meat’. (That’s rat to you.)

A very dull place where Alan Titchmarsh is the Emperor.

Like when it gets taken over

by News 24 after a TERROR attack. Honestly, is terrorism any reason to cancel Neighbours? No.

Lessons in masturbation from the world’s finest wankers.

Mister Tony, that means you.

Starring Ian Huntley and Maxine Carr Hilary Jones

The whump whump whump slap of ‘free love’ to the tune of the Beatles’ I Want To Hold Your Hand

are nice people until you do a MASSIVE unflushable poo into their toilet. They then turn nasty. I’m no longer welcome in Forest Gate (East London, durr) for precisely that reason.

When it ends. That bit is indisputably HILARIOUS Sweet dreams. You little fucker, you ruined my life.

Large Europe. There’s a lesson there.

In the graduate centre before even thinking about writing anything What a surprising, a program about gypsies somewhere featuring violence. Biased media or inherent twattery? You decide.

A backwards quiz made palatable by some funny people Filling this space is among the hardest things I’ve had to do in a year of writing for gair rhydd. BBC4 is Freeview because there’s nothing on it worth watching. It’s all absolute shite. Now I understand why last year’s TV pages were so full of comments about my drunkeness/lack of clean boxer shorts.

Though with the annual relaxation of A-level standards, how can you tell the difference any more?

Mostly stories of incest with the occasional tale of butler-buggery. the door when you go out.

What, were you born in a barn?

Jesus...

A Clean Kill Channel 5 1.45am

Is

Gash like a tattered windsock.

Allegedly.

Officially the best profession ever, despit Johnny Depp’s silver screen mincing.

P R I M E T I M E

Featuring Tony Martin and his Big Gun

What a guy, he got a knighthood for reading off an autocue. He must be, like, a really good reader. I bet he used to use properly long words in school. Swot.

The One that You’ve Seen Approximately Three Million Times Already And Wasn’t Very Funny Anyway Please Will’s here. Grace is skiving so I’m filling in.

Joyous.

And after Mum, the state.

Thank fuck for benefits is all I’m saying.

When you’re interfered with by a penis-shaped soundwave

And you’re surprised that the little fuckers are in court are you Mum? Same pretentious shit.

Unsurprisingly, there’s been a murder. How are there any people left in Scotland?

They actually did kill Princess Diana. But only because the slag stopped shagging one of them suddenly.

Sadly, they’re not being exhumed for a giggle. Yet. See 5pm, ‘The Paul O’Grady Show’.

Is Cat Deeley actually a hermaphrodite or was that just a vicious rumour started by our former deputy? She is a big lass...

PRIMETIME

BBC2 11.30am

Spongin Off M u m Channel 4 9.30am

By Pete Townshend.

(See also 9.55am ‘Trouble Online’)

kill youself

But they

Make you feel a likkle bit better. Not fucking likely.

Brain = cock

Where

At the expense of everything else, according to the last few Home Secretaries (can you tell TV desk has a columnist standing in?)

Closer each day. Well, obviously.

So the vomit-lined pavements aren’t quite as obvious They fucked her Do your balls hang low?

Starring Harold Shipman and legions of Britain’s backstreet abortionists Shite The fucked-up, selfish little brats you spawned to replace yourselves, if you believe Ewan McGregor as Trainspotting’s Mark Renton. But then he was a smackhead, so what the fuck would he know?

It’s not like he chose life.

And then

About when they diverted a plane because Cat Stevens was on board. They didn’t really think he was a terrorist, they just didn’t want to hear Father and Son

I can’t guarantee that this isn’t pornography team on camera

shit in the woods...

P R I M E T I M E

Loose Wo m e n ITV1 2.35am

Wipe Out

The gair rhydd

Have you noticed the vast amounts of repeats they show on E4? They have nothing whatsoever to justify the existence of the station until the 24 hour voyeurism that a summer of Big Brother entails. They should just call it Big Brother TV and forget any pretence of having any other worthwhile content.

Sept 26 - Oct 2 2005

Page 29 geordiesknobrot@dirtylittlenortherner.co.uk

10:10 BBC News and Weather 10:30 Match of the Day 11:40 FILM: Netforce. (1999) 2:20am: Joins BBC News 24.

7.00pm Liquid Assets: The Bee Gees' Millions 8.00 Farscape 8.45 Doctor Who Confidential: Unsung Heroes and Violent Death

9.00 Three's Outtakes 9.10 Little Britain 9.40 Nighty Night 10.10 Bodies 11.10 FILM: Saturday Night Fever (1977) 1.05am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 1.35 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2.05 The Comic Side of 7 Days 2.35 Nighty Night 3.05 The Brothel 3.35 The Brothel

Bossy Boots

6:35 The Hoobs:

7:00 French Football: Le Championatt 7:30 British Superbikes 8:00 The Morning Line 8:55 T4: MoreT4 9:25 T4: Pure T4 9:55 T4: Friends 10:30 T4: Popworld 11:20 T4: Friends 11:55 T4: The Simple Life: Interns 12:25pm T4: Rock School

actual-

3:00 The V Word!:Glastonbury and Beyond 5:00 The V Word!:Do It Yourself

6.00am GMTV2 9.25 Emmerdale Omnibus (Signed For The Hard Of Hearing) 12.10pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2.35 Date My Daughter

3.25 Movies Now 3.35 Holiday Showdown 4.35 Celebrity Fit Club USA 5.30 The Planet's Funniest Animals 5.55 Movies Now 6.10 Holiday Airport - Palma 7.10 Nanny 911 8.10 Vacation Swap

9.10 Jack Osbourne Adrenaline Junkie 10.10 The Xtra Factor 11.10 FILM: Long Time Dead.

(2002) 1.00 The X Factor 2.00 The Xtra Factor 2.50 Emmerdale Omnibus. 5.20 Teleshopping 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen

9.10 Afterlife: Lower than Bones 10.10 All About George 11.10 ITV News 11.25 Tickled Pink 12.50am FILM: Far and Away (1992) 3.55 Entertainment Now! 4.20 Cybernet 4.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

7.00pm The Jitterbug Years 7.40 Nation on Film 8.10 The Churchill Election 9.10 The Improbable Mr Attlee 10.10 The Jitterbug Years 10.50 The World of Nat King Cole 12.20am FILM: Dance Hall (1950) 1.35 The Improbable Mr Attlee 2.35 Nation on Film: VE Day Special 3.05 The Jitterbug Years 3.45 Close

6.00 Sunrise 6.55 The SaveUms! 7.10 The Save-Ums! 7.25 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8.15 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs

029 20229977

8.30 Franklin 9.05 George Shrinks 9.40 The Secret of Eel Island 9.55 Extreme Football

11:50 Father Ted 12:20am 4Music Presents...

Jamie Cullum 12:50 4Music: 4Play: The Go! Team 1:10 4Music: Hit40UK 1:35 FILM:Taxi (1998) 3:10 King of the Hill 3:35 The Jamie Kennedy Experiment 4:00 Do Over: Joel Strikes Back 4:25 Do Over: Investing in the Future 4:50 Scrapheap Challenge: Bomb Disposal

6:00am Morning Glory 8:00 The All Star Wake Up Call 10:00 Whatever... You Want

12:00pm He’s The Greatest Dancer 1:00 Not Your Best Look Love

2:00 Hit40UK 2:35 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5:00 Friends 5:30 Friends 6:00 Brat Camp 7:00 Wife Swap 8:00 Friends 8:30 Friends 9:00 100 Greatest: The Ultimate Chart 12:05am 8 out of 10 Cats 12:35 Wife Swap 1:40 playing it straight USA 2:35 Hit40UK 3:00 Line of fire: I'm Your Boogie Man 3:45 4:10 Switched Up! 4:30 Switched Up! 4:55 Brat Camp

10.10 Dragon Booster 10.40 Hercules: the Legendary Journeys 11.30 Home and Away Omnibus 1.35pm Red Bull Air Race World Series 2.00 FILM: Mogambo (1953) 4.15 FILM: Only the Lonely (1991) 6.10 FILM: The Next Karate Kid (1994)

P R I M E T I M E

12:55 T4: Britney and Kevin Chaotic: Can You Handle My Truth? 1:30 T4: Britney’s Greatest Hits 2:00 Channel 4 Racing from Newmarket and Redcar 4:20 Carry on Dick 6:00 Morgan and Platell 6:30 Channell 4 News 7:00 Elizabeth 9:10 FILM: The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

PRIMETIME

I I R

ly

8.10 The X Factor

P

11:55 FILM: Death in Venice (1971) 2:00 BBC Learning Zone

7.10 Ant & Dec's Gameshow Marathon

M

M I R

9:10 Bodies 10:10 FILM: Masked and Anonymous (2003)

P 7:35 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 8:20 Casualty 9:10 Saturday Swings

E

E

T

I T

M

E

I

T

E

I

M

7:05 A Question of Sport

P

R

6.10 The X Factor

7:15 Who Do You Think You Are? 8:10 Battlefield Britain

6:35 What Kids Really Think

6:00am Cubeez: Shapes 6:10 The Hoobs: The Big Bonk

M

E

9:00 Weekend 24 10:00 Saturday Kitchen 11:30 Rachel's Favourite Food 12:00pm See Hear 12:45 Film 2005 with Jonathan Ross 1:15 Cagney and Lacey Dog the Bounty Hunter 2:00 Racing from Epsom and Longchamp 3:35 FILM: The Comancheros (1961) 5:20 The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes 6:15 Flog It!

6.00am GMTV 6.00 Wakey!

Wakey! 9.25 MOM 11.30 cd:uk 12.30 ITV News and Weather 12.35 ITV Wales News and Weather 12.40 Barbara: Honeymoon 1.10 Holiday Airport Cyprus 2.10 ITV at the Movies 2.40 Watching the Detectives 3.10 Inspector Morse. The Silent World of Nicholas Quinn 5.10 ITV Wales News and Weather 5.25 ITV News, Sports Results and Weather 5.40 New You've Been Framed!

E

6:00am Breakfast

M

6:00am CBeebies: The Story Makers - Shapes 6:20 CBeebies: The Story Makers Water 6:45 Postman Pat 7:00 CBBC: Tom and Jerry Kids 7:25 Arthur 7:50 Taz-Mania 8:10 Legend of the Dragon 8:35 The Scooby and Scrappy Show 9:00 Dick and Dom in da Bungalow 11:00 Top of the Pops Reloaded 11:45 Sportsround 12:00pm BBC News and Weather 12:10 Football Focus 12:50 Grandstand 12:55 Qatar Moto GP 2:00 Rugby Union: Powergen Cup. Gloucester v Neath-Swansea Ospreys 3:15 Football Latest 3:25 Rugby Union: Powergen Cup. Gloucester v Neath-Swansea Ospreys 4:30 Final Score 5:15 BBC News and Weather 5:35 He's Having a Baby

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

8.05 Charmed 8.55 Five news 9.10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.10 Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 11.05 The Shield 12.05am UltimatePoker.com Showdown 1.05 Law and Order 1.55 FILM: Bliss (1997) 3.35 Sunset Beach 4.15 Russell Grant's Postcards 4.25 Beverly Hills 90210 5.10 Sons and Daughters 5.35 Sons and Daughters

6:10am The Hoobs: The Big Bonk 6:35 The Hoobs: Bossy Boots 7:00 French Football: Le Championatt 7:30 Bennetts British Superbikes 8:00 Morning Line 8:55 Scrapheap Challenge: Kung Fu Cars 9:55 Totally Frank 10:20 The Simple Life: Interns 10:45 The Simple Life: Interns

11:10 FILM: Doctor at large (1957) 1:00pm Self portraits: The Me Generations: Shattered 2:00 Channel 4 Racing 4:20 Checking Into History: Claridges 4:40 Checking into History: Burgh island 5:00 Newyddion 5:10 Y Clwb Rygbi: Cwpan Powergen - Gleision v Saracens 7:25 Y Clwb PelDroed 8:00 Newddyion A Cchwaraeon 8:15 Ar Y Lein 8:45 Margaret Williams 9:30 Conpassionate 10:35 FILM: Pitch Black 12:30am X-Rated: The Sex Films They Tried To Ban 2:05 FILM: Boogie Nights 4:45 KOTV

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

Sunday STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED! 029 20229977

Waking the Dead BBC1 9.00pm

Trauma BBC3 7pm

Skillz ITV1 10.25am

Demolition Dad five 9.30am

Five Minute Fun

September 26 2005

ruiningyourlectures@gairrhydd.com

THE GETAWAY...

SU DOKU:

W

e’re stood outside the Union. It’s cold wet and late. A gaggle of people surround what turns out to be a Big Drunk Man (BDM) and three police officers (1, 2 & 3).

Something’s brewing.

IN OTHER NEWS

Colm Loughlin

*it’s not so big

1. Why is M.I.A alleged to have stormed out of the Mercur y Music Prize awards on hearing Antony and The Johnsons announced winners?

A: B: C: D: 2. Which one of the following mainstream cinematic firsts did Psycho give us?

3. What controversially went missing from the new Berliner sized , only to make a comeback this week?

A: B: C: D:

4. Who sacked Kate Moss from their new ad campaign after allegations of drug use?

A. B. C. D.

1.B, 2.B, 3.A, 4.A

? The Big Quiz*

HOW TO PLAY SU DOKU:

A: B: C: D:

HALL OF T

hought you’d got away with it did you? Ha! No chance bucko.

Text 07791 Rabbit, at large in Cathays.

Pete Goodman Union Pres.

165 837

Toilet antics interupted.

Tasty veg.

Boris Johnson MP.

CROSSWORD:

Page 31

Jobs & Money

Page 32

September 26 2005

jobs@gairrhydd.com

Failing to plan is to plan to fail

By Nicola Menage Jobs and Money Editor

E

xperts believe a cyclical approach to time-management early in the academic year is the most effective way to organise your time.

D

eadlines, essays and exams.

Those three words alone are enough to put anyone off reading this article, let alone encourage anyone to start reaching for their diary and pen.

GOAL SETTING SELF-MONITORING

TIME MANAGEMENT ERRORS

FROM CLASSROOM TO LECTURE HALLS

TIME AWARENESS

STRESS: Good time management won’t leave you feeling stressed out

Jobs & Money

QUICK TIME MANAGEMENT TIPS

Swydd/Job: Ardal/Area: Tal/Wage: Oriau/Hours: Parhad/Duration: Manylion/Details:

Information Advisors x 4 Cardiff £6.50 per hour Variable shifts (day & eve) Ongoing Bilingual (Welsh/English) needed to answer telephone queries about recycling.

Swydd/Job: Ardal/Area: Tal/Wage: Oriau/Hours: Parhad/Duration: Manylion/Details:

Instore Staff Cathays, Cardiff £4.85 per hour Various shifts Ongoing Instore staff required for pizza chain.

Flexible hours available.

Free pizza!

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

015

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

022

Swydd/Job: Ardal/Area: Tal/Wage: Oriau/Hours: Parhad/Duration: Manylion/Details:

Bar/Kiosk Staff & Supervisors Cardiff City Football Club £5.05/£5.50 per hour Match Day Vacancies Ongoing Cardiff City Football Club is looking for the above staff to work at its home ground on match days.

Swydd/Job: Ardal/Area: Tal/Wage: Oriau/Hours: Parhad/Duration: Manylion/Details:

Telephone Interviewers Cardiff Bay £5.50-£6 per hour Various day/eve shifts Ongoing Telephone interviewer required to conduct surveys over the phone (no selling involved).

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

024

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

016

Page 34

s g n i t Lis

Recommended listings@gairrhydd.com

The really rather astonishing Gair If it’s on it could be in. But maybe not. Have Pick e of th k Wee

Stereophonics

@ C.I.A

Mon 26 Sept 7.30pm / £27.50

O

K. So what can I say about a band that has been around as long as the Stereophonics, a band that everyone has already formed an opinion of and a band who most people know a lot about already.

This Monday sees the end of a three night stint for the ‘Phonics at Cardiff’s Cardiff International Arena, so read into that what you will. Personally I think that three nights is pushing their popularity harder than you would your run-ofthe-mill push pop. Even in the country which loves them time and time again.

Having said that this will be a decent gig, with the band tampering

Dead Ringers

Art Brut

@ New Theatre Thur 29 Sept

@ Barfly

8pm / £7.50

Mon 26 Sept 7.30pm / £6

M

onday sees the return to the Barfly of tour-whores Art Brut. They formed a band, got their little brother into rock and roll, and have now set about spreading the word of Art Brut.

Art Brut consist of Eddie Argos, Chris Chinchilla, Ian Catskilkin, Fredie Feedback, and Mikey D. It’s impossible not to think about the Sex Pistols when you hear the likes of ‘I Formed a Band’, with Argos’ ‘singing’ comparative to a Never Mind the Bollocks era Johnny Rotten.

Much like Bloc Party, Art Brut’s first gig was an independently promoted show at the Kentish Town Verge. Chinchilla had booked it before the band was ready, at which

COMING U P

T there was much complaining by his fellow bandmates. Mike’s drumkit had yet to be imported, so he played sitting down (he usually stands up to play).

After a number of other gigs round London they recorded a demo named Brutlegs, containing early versions of Formed A Band, Modern Art and Moving To LA, and made it available on their website.

Formed A Band first saw the light of day on the debut Angular Records compilation album. Before long record label Rough Trade took notice and made no mistake in getting them onto their books pretty swiftly.Art Brut’s songs are both piss-takingly hilarious, and yet strangely clever.

Debut single I Formed a Band

September 26 2005

sees Argos ranting about Top of the Pops and how the band are going to write the ‘song that makes Israel and Palastine get along’ and then play it for 8 weeks in a row on TOTP. A short while after the song was released Israel withdrew from the Gaza Strip! You say coincidence, I say watch out Mr Blair, you’ve got competition.

So if you want a truly impressive live ‘show’, in every sense of the word (including a drummer who plays standing up) get your eager ass down to the Barfly and understand why the world should be as crazy about Art Brut as they are themselves. This could be just one of many Barfly experiences that you have this year. This gig will not disapoint, believe me.

he Dead Ringers team can be seen live on stage, recording for their multi award-winning impression show for broadcast on BBC Radio 4. Politicians, celebrities, sports stars and Radio 4 favourites will all be in attendance for some merciless and topicaltopical lampooning.

Whether it’s Fiona Bruce, George Bush, or Delia Smith, the chances are that the Dead Ringers team will have made it impossible for you to watch many of today’s TV stars without laughing harder than Lisa Riley on laughing gas looking at her own reflection in a mirror.

This recently announced tour, sees John Culshaw, Jan Ravens, Kevin Connelly, Phil Cornwell, and Mark Perry take to the road to begin recording for their Radio 4

with their sound yet again in their latest studio release, ‘Sex, Language,Violence, Other’, creating what I feel was a change for the better, with their more recent albums have created a sense of unease between fans and critics alike.

The ‘Phonics are past the stage of paying the small, intimate venues, so this as good a chance as any to catch them, whether it’s you first time, or whether you’re pretty much gaining ‘roadie’ status with the band (although the later may be put of a little by the fairly hefty price tag).

In case you’re wondering , it’s the equivalent of 16 beers at your local drinking establishment. Support in the tour comes from Liverpool’s very own Dead 60s, who I personally would rather see than the Stereophonics at the moment, with big things expected of the Dead 60s over the coming months.

The Dead 60s have spent the summer on the Warped Tour with high critical acclaim, with their album being released in the States before it was released in the UK. If you are unsure, then the Dead 60s should influence your decision.

show, so expect a cracking evening of laugh out loud entertainment.

It was this radio show that shot the Ringers to fame, providing them with a chance to get their impressionistic antics to TV screens all across the country.

Once this opportunity beckoned the comedians took no time at all in becoming household favourites with the whole family, with their sketches often needing a double take to avoid being mistaken for the actual programme that they are parodying.

The TV series will be returning to our TV screens shortly, along with the radio series that is being recorded at the New Theatre tonight.

Laugh loud enough and you may just be able to pick out that irritating laugh of yours on the radio.

If you are a fan of the programme I urge you to go as this is quite a rare tour and I doubt they will be returning for a few more years after this tour stop.

Tickets start at £7.50 and the New Theatre is not the largest of venues in Cardiff. If you are reading this and are interested, I highly recommend going straight down to the box office and getting your hands on a ticket for yourself. After all, what else are you going to do on a Thursday night?

Exactly. See. You have nothing else to do.

Do you want newspaper writing experience this year? If you know of any events coming up that you would like have 300 words published on, please email grlistings@hotmail.com a few weeks before the event. We can discuss what you want to write (just so you don’t write 300 words on something that will be going in anyway). All work will be credited.

Arctic Monkeys - Sun 9 Oct @ Coal Exchange ... Babyshambles - Mon 10 Oct May @ SU ... Mcfly - Tues 11 Oct @ Cardiff Internation Arena ...

Reuben- Wed 12 Oct @ Coal Exchange ... Queens of Noise - Wed 12 Oct @ Barfly ... The Coral - Thur 13 Oct @ SU ... KT Tunstall- Tue 18 Oct @ SU ... James Blunt - Wed 19 Oct @ St. David’s Hall ... Bloc Party - Mon 24 Oct @ SU ... Four Tet - Thur 27 Oct @ The Point ... The Subways - Mon 31 Oct @Cardiff SU ... Martha Wainwright - Thur 3 Nov @ SU ... Motorhead - Thur 3 Nov @ SU ... Harry Hill - Sun 6 Nov @ Millennium Centre

September 26 2005

Day By Day

Page 35

listings@gairrhydd.com

Monday26/09

Fun Factory @Solus, SU Alternative anthems are the order of the day, but this time they are spread accross all the venues in the Union. Expect carnage. With a Green Day tribute band DJ remix in Solus and the Live Music Society in CF10’s. 10pm2am. £3 advance or £4 on the door.

New Noise @Metros Alternative therapy for the musically depressed. 9pm-2am. £3 before 11pm. And more afterwards, presumably.

Milk @Moloko DJ Phoenix and friends play nu jazz, Latin, broken beats, deep house, etc. Occasional chocolate! Check it out. 8pm-2am. Free Open Mic @The Toucan Hosted by Jeff and Rowan. 8pm-12.30am. £1 after 9pm.

Jazz Attic Jam Session @Cafe Jazz Musicians and singers can sign in at the door to perform with the house trio. Variable quality of playing and singing but always enjoyable. 8.45pm. £2/£1 if you perform.

Live @ Barfly

Tuesday27/09

Traffic Light Party @ Solus, SU Freshers’ week mayhem continues to gather momentum. Real traffic lights and even realer debauchery are on offer here. Red, yellow and green have never looked better.10pm2am. £3 advance or £4 on the door.

Soul Motion @Moloko Deep funk, rare soul, Tamla Motown, jazz dance and boogaloo. Boasts a decent dancefloor surface too, which is a must for all that shaking and baking you’ll be doing.

Pick Of The Day Robot Rock @ Barfly FREE launch party for a new club night.

The Barfly provides an alternative clubbing experience, and with them giving you the opportunity to sample its nightlife for free for a night, it’s an opportunity that you should definitely take. 10.30pm. FREE

Art Brut / Hot Puppies. See facing page for details. 7.30pm.

Live @ C.I.A Stereophonics / Dead 60s. A little bit of Welsh rockin’, and some class Souse skanking. One of just three dates the Phonics have at the venue over the weekend. See facing page for further details

7pm-2am. Free.

Sabotage @Metros Rock, metal, punk, emo. £1 before 11pm.

Rock Inferno @Clwb Ifor Bach Much the same as Metros with but a marginally less sweaty ambience. 9pm. £2.50.

Open Mic @The Toucan There’s a mic. It’s open.

Live @ St. David’s Hall Colin Fry & Tony Stockwell. The Best of British Mediumship. Join two of TV’s favourite mediums in an evening of psychic communication and clairvoyance packed with emotion.7.30pm. £27 Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach Misty's Big Adventure / Cymbient / Kyshera.

Grandmaster Gareth brings his motley crew back to Clwb due to popular demand.

Misty's Big Adventure are so numerous they rival The Polyphonic Spree for band members. Some of their instruments include Theremin, decks, toys and saucepans!

7.30pm

Friday30/09

Saturday01/10

Pick Of The Day Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach Stampin Ground / Bio-mechanical /Anterior / Powderwordkill.

Hailing from Cheltenham, Stampin Ground have established themselves both here and over the pond as one of the best hardcore bands around. With a massive fanbase, earned touring with the likes of Sepultura, The Haunted, Hatebreed and Biohazard.

7.30pm. £8

Quality Control @Taf, SU Hosted by top-notch DJ, Killer Tomato. Hip hop, funk, breaks, d‘n’b. 9pm-2am. Free.

Fat Friday @Solus, SU Fatten up the start to your weekend with the official start of the most precious days in the student calender.

Saturday and Sunday.10pm-2am. £3 advance or £4 on the door.

The Dudes Abide @Clwb Ifor Bach Indie, retro. 10pm. £3.50.

Mad4It! @Barfly Every Friday Night at Cardiff Barfly join Mike TV for the Greatest Indie & Alternative Hits Ever from The Stones to the Strokes, The Smiths and The Doors and much much more, plus loads of Ticket Giveaways and Low Flying T-Shirts & CD's. 10.30pm-2am. £3 NUS. Chaos @Metros Real rock. Begone cheesy Wednesday saps. £2.50 before 10pm.

Full Fat @Moloko Cheeky bootlegs to heavy funk, old skool classics, and jump up party breaks. Free Pick Of The Day Live @ St. David’s Hall Sing-Along-A Rocky Horror Picture Show The camp cult classic film gets the sing-along treatment it’s been screaming for. Join in with Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Meatloaf and Richard O’Brien in this riotous romp and do the Time Warp like never before. Fancy dress optional but lots of fun! 7pm. £13.50 entry before 11pm.

Live @ Barfly The Glitterati / Easy Kill / Black Night Crash.

7.30pm. One of last years ‘ones to watch’ revisit the Barfly for another dose of raw, rock n’ roll. 7.30pm. £7 Blues Dragon Club @ Cafe Jazz 9.30pm £3

Come Play @Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room. Funky house in the bar and cheap drinks to sip whilst you socialise. Ideal. 10pm-2am. £3.50 Fly Swatter @Barfly Welcome to the Indie party fest that is Flyswatter. Every Saturday the safe haven of the Barfly brings you a club night your dancing shoes have been crying out for. All the best alternative music from yesteryear lined up with current dance floor fillers to make your weekend throb with brilliance.

10.30pm. £3 NUS. Delinquent @Metros Alternative and new music. 9pm-3am. Free with flyer before 10pm/£4.

Blueprint @Moloko Retro disco, future house, disco roots. Ends at 2am, drinks promo all night. Free before 10pm.

Mind Your Head @Toucan Captain Paranoid & guest MCs. Free B4 10pm/£3.50 after.

Live @ Barfly The Jan Watkins Band / Khagool / Leberasm.

7.30pm. £4.

Try Jazz @ St. David’s Hall Bring along your own instruments to this practical session and have a go at creating your own jazz music. This fun, informal session is for complete novices and led by a professional musician. Don’t forget your voice is also your instrument! 10.30am. £6 Pick Of The Day Live @ Coal Exchange John Cale. Co-founder of Velvet Underground and highly acclaimed pianist and composer in his own right. 7.30pm £18 The Mikado @ New Theatre Carl Rosa bring to the New Theatre their award-winning production of Gilbert & Sullivan’s best-loved show, The Mikado.

7.30pm. £7

Wednesday28/09

Rubber Duck @Solus, SU The return of the duck. Porn star party. Need I say anymore? 10pm-2am. £3 advance or £4 on the door.

Indie Kids Die In Hot Bars @The Barfly Featuring the latest and greatest new music, live acts and guest DJ’s. The team behind Fly Swatter bring you Indie Kids Die in Hot Bars.

Every Wednesday from 10.30pm until 2am the Barfly will be offering the best new music the world has to offer. Be it some happy clappy Architecture in Helsinki, to some Miami vice inspired Funky Do Morro, to the latest Vitalic remix of Bjork, or the working class sounds of those monkeys in Sheffield. 10.30pm. £4 Cheapskates @Metros Alternative & cheese. 9pm-2am.

All 3 Floors @Clwb Ifor Bach Cheesy Club: motown, funk, disco. Popscene: indie. Milky Bar: electric chill out and Playstations! 9.30pm. £2.50 NUS. Wednesdays @Moloko Spud, Optimas Prime, Kovas, Focus, Haze, Paul B. Sweets. 8pm-3am Bread and Butter @The Toucan Not of the pudding variety. Night of hip hop and new beats. 10pm. £2.

Traffic @The Philharmonic Union DJ and Clubbing Society’s weekly night.

8pm-1am. Free for members / £1 NUS. Pick Of The Day Joe Brown & The Bruvvers and Marty Wilde & The Wildcats @ St. David’s Hall.

Two British pop icons join forces in a special show featuring the hits that made them famous and the very best of British music.

These pioneers of British Rock’n’Roll will perform separately with their own bands and then join forces for a fantastic culmination to a brilliant night. 7.30pm. £16 Live @Barfly Clutch / Taint. 7.30pm. £8.50

Sunday02/10

Cleverdick Quiz @The Taf, SU Questions.

MedClub Quiz @MedBar, Heath Site The same. 8pm.

Sunday @Incognito Audio Chefs bring you house. 8pm12.30am.

No Wax @Moloko Bring your MP3s and you be the DJ! Free entry. 7pm-2am.

Acoustic Cafe @Toucan Bar Open mic sessions where anyone can get up and jam or just listen. 8pm-12.30am. £1 after 9pm.

Teen Spirit @ Barfly A group of happy (they do exist) teenagers are caged like chickens, and have thier spirits crushed. 7pm Live @ Barfly X-Ecutioners / Humurak D Gritty / Blaktrix.

Sinista, Roc Raida and Total Eclipse are the overqualified under-appreciated blue-collar superheroes of the new Hip-Hop. 7.30pm. £10 Pick Of The Day Hip Hound Lounge @ Solus The Hip Hound Lounge is Cardiff Student Jazz Society’s weekly night in the Union presenting live jazz, funk and latin of the highest quality. And also jam nights for aspiring singers and musicians to come and get involved at. For our Freshers Week event we proudly present Wales’ funkiest big band, Wonderbrass. They'll be playing their inimitable brand of latin, ska and african influenced jazz which has delighted audiences throughout Wales, the rest of Britain, and beyond. They recently swept up a storm at this year’s Brecon International Jazz Festival in an ongoing collaboration with the renowned traditional South African group Amampondo. Go and get your ticket. NOW! 7pm £2.

Thursday29/09 Replay @ Solus, SU Classic 80’s and 90’s tunes with special guest Jason Donovan in attendance. 10pm-2am. £3 advance or £4 on the door.

Metal @Metros Er... metal. 9pm-2am.

Enthusiasm @Moloko Cardiff’s premier hip hop/drum ‘n’ bass night.

And as of fairly recently open ‘til later than late.

8pm-3am. Free before 11pm.

Boomshanka @Toucan Bar Acoustic soul/hippy funk. 8pm-1am. £3/£2.

Live @ New Theatre Dead Ringers. Recorded for radio comedy sketches from the satirical masters. 8pm. £7.50 Pick Of The Day Live @The Barfly Idiot Pilot / The Poppies. Still teenagers, this duo has created a sophisticated album that successfully bridges rock and electronic music. Seraphic vocals meet with screams while guitars join forces with leftfield electronics. Idiot Pilot is not the only group developing this sound but they might be the best at it.

They deftly move through the myriad of influences that have bombarded a generation reared on MTV and the internet. 7.30pm. £5 Live @ St. David’s Hall Philharmonia Orchestra. Leading international conductor, Christoph von Dohnányi opens the season with the most famous of all symphonies – Beethoven’s Fifth. 7.30pm. Tickets from £10.

Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach WHY? WHY? are the name of a very exciting folk-pop, indie-hop, sometimes moustachioed, psych-rock quartet. 7pm. £6 Oxfam Benefit Show @ Clwb Ifor Bach The International Karate Plus / Moscow / The Final Act. Good local bands and a hell of a good cause. All proceeds from the gig go to Oxfam.

8pm £5

VENUES

Students’ Union, Med Club

Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club) The Toucan, Barfly, Metros, Dempseys, Moloko, Incognito, Liquid, The Philharmonic, Café Jazz, The Riverbank Hotel, St. David’s Hall, Chapter Arts Centre, Wales Millennium Centre, The New Theatre, The Sherman Theatre, The Glee Club, Cardiff International Arena, The Millennium Stadium

Page 37

September 26 2005 sport@gairrhydd.com

HORROR TREE SMASH Climax of Wales Rally GB cancelled due to death of co-driver in forest crash Some of the top figures in the sport are now calling for a complete over haul of the safety procedures at rallies to ensure that this doesn’t happen again. Although it is a tragedy, the driver and co-drivers who take part are aware of the risks involved in such a high speed sport. It is the speed and precision with which the drivers have to travel at that makes the sport so exciting and there is only so much you can do to make it safe.

By Tim Lewis Sports Editor THIS WEEKEND should have seen a showpiece finish to the Wales Rally GB in Cardiff. Instead, it saw flags raised at half mast in the Millennium Stadium. Michael Park, co-driver of Estonian rally driver Markko Martin, was killed after their Peugeot 307 crashed into a tree on Stage 15 of the rally. The raced was immediately stopped and the last two stages of the rally cancelled as a mark of respect.

Park was a very experienced codriver who had been on the world rally circuit since 1994. He had worked with Martin since 2000 and the pair had one five world rallies together.

Park had also worked alongside other world champions, Brits Colin McRae and Richard Burns, in an illustrious career.

Although it is such a tragedy, codrivers who take part are aware of the risks involved

For such a dangerous sport, deaths in the World Rally Championship are very rare

For such a dangerous sport, deaths in the World Rally Championships are very rare and this has hit the sport hard. Markko Martin, obviously distraught at the death of a co-driver and close friend, has pulled out of the next two stages of the championships and it is unclear whether he will come back to the sport again this season, if at all.

SPORTING DIARY DATES Medics’ sports and societies fayre

26th September 2005 at The Heath site 11am- 3pm

IMG football and netball team registration

Please visit the AU office on the 3rd floor of the students’ union to pick up your registration pack by the 29th September 2005

Freshers’ sports fayre

30th September 2005 The Great Hall 10am-5pm

IMG sports fayre

6th October 2005 The Great Hall 12pm - 4pm

BUSA competitions start 19th October 2005

Deadlines for sports bursary programmes

15th October 2005 Please email Gareth McNarry at McNarryGJ@cf.ac.uk for information or call into the AU office on the 3rd floor of the SU.

Sebastain Leob, who would have won the World Rally Championship after the last two stages were cancelled, didnt want to win in such bad circumstances so deliberately incurred a two minute time penalty. This is just more evidence of how highly Park was regarded within motorsport and the way in which his death has affected

the other drivers and the championship as a whole.

Peugeot, who were due to pull out of rallying at the end of the current season, are contemplating ending the season now. Quite unusually for such a large company, they are more concerned with the death of Park than any financial loss they may incur.

IMG chairwoman reveals her ideas THE DELOITTE IMG League looks like its going from strength to strength this season due to the sponsorship of graduate employers Deloitte and the hard work by the AU team to address last seasons issues.

These included refereeing, players from other universities and the duration of netball matches. To address the problem of refereeing, footballers will now referee a neutral game to cut down on bias decisions. For netball, two members from each team will be entered to complete the Q award in umpiring.

Further changes have been made in netball, with an additional six teams participating in the league and games will be lengthened consisting of two halves of fifteen minutes.

Due to more netball teams playing matches will be spread between the traditional Wednesday afternoons and now also Saturday mornings. It will now mean teams will have to

play one Saturday in three.

This year will see the clamp down on AU cards, which every person participating in IMG leagues will need to carry to all games. First and

first and foremost is the players’ safety foremost it is for players safety, so that if they have an accident when playing they are covered by insurance, as well as preventing people from other universities from playing. Any player not able to present an AU card will suffer a match ban and their teams will be deducted all points gained in games where that player has participated.

This year sees the first ever IMG Fayre. It will follow the same format

Driving at speeds in excess of a hundred miles an hour around a forest track in the rain and mud is never going to be totally safe, but the organisers must make sure they have done every thing possible to stop any accidents.

Tributes have poured in from nearly everyone involved in the sport for the man affectionately known as ‘Beef ’. It is clear that the loss will have a lasting effect on the World Rally Championship. Hopefully it will not mean that the rally is taken away from South Wales. as the AU fayre and will give people the opportunity to ‘shop around’ for the team that suits them the best. All teams who have been successful in registering will be required to man a stall in the fayre. In total there will be 32 football teams and 24 netball teams.

If you are interested in participating in any of the IMG leagues pick up a leaflet from the AU Office which contains all the information needed to enter. The football season is starting on October 12th and October 19th for netball. Whatever team you are supporting good luck for the season and let the games begin!

LOVE SPORT? THEN COME and get involved by writing about it in the gair rhydd.

Call into our 4th floor offices in the students union or email us at

sport@gairrhydd.com

Page 38

Sport

September 26 2005

sport@gairrhydd.com

CROWD TROUBLE

What’s all the shouting about?

By Tim Lewis Sports Editor I RECENTLY sat in the Millennium stadium as almost 65,000 Welsh fans booed their way through God Save The Queen.

It is not to say that every single fan in the stadium took part in drowning out the anthem, but I can assure you it wasn’t far from being everyone. This was met with wide condemnation from the media, raising questions as to why there is hatred between the two countries.

BANTER: That sheep joke never gets old

Sport

But only in the most special of cases are we actually struck by their enormity at the time. Everybody who took the two minutes needed to become utterly engrossed in the 2005 Ashes battle was totally aware that they were witnessing an entertaining, inspiring and historic encounter. It has long been argued that grand sporting occasions can have a powerful effect on the national mood.

It is said that Harold Wilson called a snap general election in 1966 to capitalise on the feel-good factor after England’s World Cup glory. For the first time in some twenty years it is cricket that can claim to have lifted the popular mood.

English cricket has long received fickle coverage that has not necessarily mirrored public attitudes.

Newspapers lauded the home series victory over South Africa in 1998 as the dawn of a new era while defeat to New Zealand the following summer was deemed the nadir of English cricket. You may recall the Sun’s front page picturing burning bails with the headline “English Cricket: 1744-1999”.

But the genuine impact that this series has made is inescapable. The evidence is not in the words of commentators, players or long-time cricket fans but in the testimonies of those who used to take no interest. People who have found cricket too plodding, lengthy and complex are to be heard inquiring about the score in offices and

Cardiff then returned to Passage Road to face their 1st team, and the locals smashed 244-9, which proved just too big for the visitors, who fell 63 runs short, despite Neil Mantell’s best efforts (3-50 and 34 runs). The final game of the tour saw Best hit 94 and Ali Price 53 not out as Cardiff piled up 237-7 against Lodge School.

Price, Cardiff’s quickest and most aggressive bowler, then did huge damage with the ball, destroying the opposition’s top order with a combination of pace and bounce taking 4 wickets for 15 runs. He was lethal on what Cardiff viewed as a great batting track, guaranteeing a 124 run win for the University, with undeniably the best spell of bowling on tour.

The visitors also experienced a local phenomenon of tape ball cricket.

Passage Road were the opposition once more, and the hosts really showed them how to play the game.

Under floodlights, they use a tennis ball covered in white insulation tape to play a 25 over-a-side slog. It was an incredible experience, but playing under bright lights and the fast pace of the game was difficult to adjust to.

Only Matthew Button-Stephens

showed real grit with the bat (27) as the side slumped to 69 all out, 127 runs shy of their target.

Cardiff can now move into the new BUSA campaign with renewed confidence and energy, after learning from one of the world’s greatest. Tino Best is the perfect example of professionalism; he taught the players so much, not just about the skills of cricket, but the attitude that is required to succeed. He wanted to win more than anyone, taking every ball as seriously as the last, even to the point of sledging the younger opposition. He is world renowned as one of the most enthusiastic players, justifying his nickname ‘Animal’.

However, under that fearsome exterior lies one of the nicest and most generous men in cricket, genuinely appreciating Cardiff ’s best efforts to accommodate the superstar. In a speech he made to the players, he thanked the side for making him feel like a genuine Cardiff player, and promised to dedicate his maiden 5wicket Test match haul or half century to the team. Cardiff ’s players have always dreamt of playing Test cricket, and Tino gave them the next best thing: moments we, and hopefully they, will always cherish.

pubs or talking about their conversions on radio and television.

If their interest was not ignited by this series, then it surely would never have been. Put simply, the Ashes battle had the lot. In addition to the supreme technical and tactical qualities on display, this series showcased great personalities like no other. Players on both sides were inspirational not just for the outstanding level of their performance but also their approach to the game.

Ultimately, the show was stolen by one fat lad from Preston and another from Melbourne. The conduct of Andrew Flintoff and Shane Warne typified the spirit in which the series was fought: daring, ferocious and utterly sporting.

Cricket was offering heroes that appealed to the non-committed, not just the cricket-lovers. England’s cricketers are not pampered celebrities or style gurus (note Kevin Pieterson’s hair) but guys you would love to have a pint with.

The morning after the ashes were won, a still-drunk Andrew Flintoff was to be found on Leo Blair’s swing, sitting in silence, only moving in order to respond in the affirmative to the offer of a beer. The booze aside, the contrasts with England’s footballers are striking. Vaughan and his men play cricket as if there were nothing else on earth they would rather be doing.

Recently, England’s footballers have appeared reluctant participants.

Furthermore, the cricketers, with their wages paid by club not country since 2000, train, socialise and compete as “Team England” while England’s football squad remains a disparate bunch of individuals who are occasionally torn away from club competition.

England’s victory was the product of aggression, confidence, respect, team-spirit and skill, and was made all the more dramatic by how close they came to failure. If Michael Kasprowitz had got a bit more glove on the last delivery at Edgbaston, England would

have gone 2-0 down and, with terrestrial television coverage soon to end, the press might well have predicted the demise of English cricket. Instead, England clinched the game and the series, reigniting popular interest in the game. The longest-running rivalry in international sport got the contest that it deserved. With great Australian players like Shane Warne and Justin Langer coming out on the losing side and describing it as “the pinnacle of our careers”, it’s clear we enjoyed something pretty special.

Sport

IMG: What’s new this season from IMG Chair Clare Donovan

BRING THE NOISE: Wales v England football match report inside

Page 37

Page 38

SIX OF THE BEST PHOTO: Dave Roberts

TINO BEST: Joined Cardiff for their tour of the Carribbean

By James Woodroof Cricket Reporter AS ENGLAND was reaching Ashes fever, Cardiff’s cricketers headed out to the West Indies to tour Barbados, an island renowned for a rich cricket history. The tour, sponsored by DTZ, turned out to be a fairytale for the 14 players lucky enough to represent the University.

After experiencing back-to-back defeats early on in the tour, the side met West Indian cricketer Tino Best on a night out. Quite incredibly, Tino turned up to play for Cardiff in their

next game against local legends Maxwell CC. He chipped in with 54 runs and three wickets on his Cardiff debut, steering the tourists to the first of three wins on the tour.

Best is the fourth fastest bowler in the world, earning eleven Test caps for the West Indies. He ended up playing all of Cardiff ’s four remaining fixtures on the island, scoring a total of 249 runs and taking 11 wickets. He used the games as ideal preparation for the West Indies tour of Australia this winter, where he will be playing alongside Brian Lara and Shivnarine Chanderpaul against Shane Warne and Ricky Ponting.

Pre-Tino, Cardiff struggled early on against schoolboy champions of the island, Combermere, who smashed 284 past the visitors in 30 overs; winning by a massive 150 run margin, despite Neil Mantell’s fivewicket haul and guest captain Will Muse’s gutsy innings of 46. The heat was unbearable and concentration was easily lost.

After that heavy defeat, Passage Road didn’t make the tourists stay any easier. Muse continued his great form with his maiden century (105), ably supported by the top order of Chris Allen (34) and James Woodroof (27), as the side posted

191-7 from 35 overs. However, with the exception of left-arm spinner Pete Church (3-27), Cardiff ’s bowlers could not fathom the cross line batting typical of West Indian batsman, who favoured the aerial route, making the tourists endure some huge hits and expensive bowling figures. An improved performance still saw Cardiff unluckily suffer a two-wicket defeat.

The third game was held at the picturesque ground of Maxwell CC, where debutant Tino Best (54) and Muse (66) steered the side to a comfortable 110 run victory. Although not bowling flat out, Best caused the

batsman all sorts of problems with his pace and ferocity. He took that form into the next game against Friendship CC, as Cardiff posted a competitive 165-6 (Best 74, Muse 29, Woodroof 29). Best then took five wickets (including a hat-trick) and took one of the finest gully catches Barbados has ever seen, as Cardiff edged home by 24 runs.

Everything in that game went through Tino; he had a magnetism to the ball as all of the greatest players have.

Story continued on Page 30

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