gair rhydd - Issue 800

gair rhydd

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GUARDIAN STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

Editorial & Opinion look back into into their archive to see what has been troubling the minds of students in the last 35 years of gair rhydd

ISSUE 800 November 21 2005 CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY free word - EST. 1972

A Cult Classics football special takes you back to the Subbuteo pitch inside your Guardian student magazine of the year FREE INSIDE

PHOTO: James Perou

PAGES 10 & 11

INSIDE ABYGALES: The Jacuzzi Room

“He used to threaten me and say he would kill me” Sex-worker’s horror in Cardiff

HEALTH SUITE: ‘Sophie’s’ workplace

SEX TRAFFIC

By Perri Lewis News Editor A CARDIFF ‘massage parlour’ in the heart of Cathays has been linked to human trafficking and the sex trade.

Abygales on Woodville Road was exposed as one of the brothels where a young prostitute who had been trafficked from Lithuania was forced to work.

She had been brought to Britain by Eastern European dealers who sold her to an Albanian gang in London for £5,000.

She had been smuggled into the country from the Lithuanian capital of Vilnius.

The 20-year-old woman was expected to have sex with seven men a day and hand over all her earnings to the gang.

Two Albanian men were found guilty in Cardiff Crown Court of people trafficking.

It has been claimed that the girl, known as ‘Sophie’, was abused by the gang and forced to live in poor conditions.

The young sex-worker said: “They said ‘do as you’re told or we will keep beating you.’

“If I ran away he said he’d find me and it would be bad for me. He used to threaten me and say he would kill me.”

A fellow prostitute told police that ‘Sophie’ always turned up to work unwashed.

“She used the shower at the massage parlour.

“Her ‘pimp’ would bring her food but it was always cheap takeaway food and very small portions.

“He told her she was fat and ugly and forced her to lose weight.”

Prosecutor David Williams told the court of her ill treatment.

He said the men “did regular ‘product testing’ on the woman – by having sex with her – to

make sure he would get a good return on his investment.

“She was badly abused by the pair who forced her to have sex and subjected her to violence.

“When she came back from working in these brothels she would be routinely interrogated.

“They would demand to know how many clients she had had sex with and how much money she had made.

“She was treated as a commodity.”

Abygales were unavailable for comment, but it is alleged that they were unaware of the sextrafficking history of the girl.

This sex worker’s plight was discovered earlier this year by the BBC, who conducted a special investigation in Cardiff.

She had managed to contact her mother in Lithuania and give her clues about her whereabouts - her mother then emailed a charity who contacted the broadcasters.

The BBC spent three days in the Welsh capital trying to trace the sex worker.

When she was eventually found she agreed to co-operate with police after reading a letter from her mother.

Akli Likcami, 20, a member of the Albanian gang who bought her, admitted trafficking the woman for sexual exploitation and controlling her activities as a prostitute.

Gjerji Mungiovi, 19, was on trial accused of helping to transport her to various brothels.

He denied the charges, claiming he did not know she was a prostitute, but was also found guilty of people-trafficking last week.

A third man – known as Benny – is still at large, but police claim that the ‘net is closing in on him’.

Both guilty men are to be sentenced in three weeks and face up to 14 years in jail.

The Lithuanian woman is now trying to start a new life in Britain.

Cathays ‘massage parlour’ focal point of national sex-slave outrage

800

2005-2006 Tom Wellingham: Mosque Attack/Washed Away Gone In Sixty Seconds The Rain Of Failure Night Knight Faulty Towers Spot Of Bother? Grand Theft Auto Infested Confusion Reigns 2004-2005 Gary Andrews: The Icing On The Cake Laptop Anyone? Open Door Policy The Last Stand See You In Court You’re Fee To Stay (Worst Headline….ever) Cops Quiz Cole Duck Off Six Years Thieves Target Halls Glassed Fee-united The Iraqi Connection The Road To Petition (that’s more like it) Endangered Gassed Mass Debaters In Sickness And In Heath Which Of These Can You Trust Taxi Terror Daylight Assault Bid For Freedom Victory NUS Wales President Under Fire (Broadsheet) 2003-2004 Tristan Thomas: Time Bomb Stark Warning Arrested Hanging In The Balance Come Pay Top-Up Flop Ground-Breaking Sleeping Booty Union Bars Hours From Closure Knife-Terror Third City-Centre Knife Attack In A Week Merger Debterred "Sh*t George, Get The Hell Out Of Here" Saturday Night Furore University Meltdown NUS Strikes Back Strike Lotto Cardiff Mourns Sneakers The £16m Mistake Creative Chaos Prices To Rocket Piss ‘N’ Chips Breaking Bonds Cardiff Graduates Pushed Extra Mile (Broadsheet) 2002-2003 Gemma Curtis: Can’t Get Nightline Out Of Her Head Fresh Out Of Halls Save Our Wednesday Afternoons Xpress Scoops A Record Ten Nominations Homophobic Campaign Targets Halls Students Police Urge Student Safety After Fatal Road Smash Demo Shame For Cardiff Around The World In Seven Days Cardiff-Swansea and A Cast Of Thousands Outrage At New Top-Up Fees Plan Christian Union May Face Exile Union Takes War On Fees’ To Welsh Assembly No Top-Up Fees For Four Years Students Fall For Finn Lives Left In Students’ Hands A Greener Future Is In The Bag Up For Eviction 2001-2002 Sarah Hodson: Officials Predict Printing Chaos Agencies Accused Of Double Booking Blair Considers Abolition Of Fees Xpress Joy At Nominations Anthrax Hoax In Student Area Student Raped Within Sight Of Union Building NUS Wales Plans Fees Day Of Action Two Honours For Xpress At Student Radio Awards Students Bottled By Thugs On Union Steps Students Tricked By ‘Deplorable’ Salesman Student Grants Set To Return In Wales End Of University Of Wales Inevitable Students Face Exam Resit Thanks to ‘Business Fool’ USIT Collapse Leaves Travellers In Limbo Student Found Dead In Talybont Room "Grants Are Back" Announces Assembly ‘Students Would Be Better Of On Benefits’ Minister Slams ‘Extravagant Students’ Hiscock-up Causes Election Upset AU Re-count Leads To Election Anti-Climax Union Wins 2am License Student Makes Court History Wales Could Benefit In Uni Merger Plans Creative Writing School In Turmoil Explosion Fears Go Up In Smoke Homelink In Bond Disgrace Critics Take Swipe At NUS Over New Card 2000-2001 Vicky Raymond: Lecturer Shocked At Graduate’s Murder Castle Backs Down After Student Protest Intruder Alert Mugger Flees With Nothing Motorway Terror For Union Bus Wetside Story Meningitis Back In Business Castle Keeper Flees Bolshy Burglar Terrifies Tenants Taxi Sex Attacker Alarm Canoe Tragedy Prompts AU Concerns Tenants Bank On New Scheme Assembly Pledges Support For Bond Bank Recycling Efforts Of Staff Wasted Bond Bank Bid Sealed Shut-Down Student Taken Ill With Meningitis Massive Support For Day Of Action Lack Of Support For Psychology Students Union Presidency To Run Unelected McGarry Romps To Record Win Suicide Student’s Father Blames Uni Students Defeat Imperial Forces Woman Mugged In Gunpoint Ordeal False Alarm Fiasco Jeopardises Exam Union Team Take Up The Challenge Thieves Target Leavers Attack Suspect Is Arrested Use Your Vote 1999-2000 Paul Clarke: Student Miss Out On New Vaccine ‘Horrified’ By Hunting Society News Flash Mass Student Recruitment Will See End To Common Cold Loan Groan Makes History For Student Halled Away Union Slates Suicide Guide Students Attacked In Drive-by Beating Third Student Meningitis Case Hits Cardiff Wheel Of Misfortune Flashers’ Light Extinguished End Of Century Bungling Burglars Computer Cock-Up Fruity End For Sunday Robbery When Will The Housing Panic End? Japanese Department In ‘Urgent Need Of Repair’ Poor Turn-Out For Non-Sabb Nominations Semester Shift Causes Booking ‘Balls-Up’ Stalker On Campus The Face Of The Campus Stalker Sirens Shun Students Electric Dreams Upwardly Mobile £1.41 It’s The Price Of Failure Burning The Midnight Oil Police Attempt To Trace Student’s Last Moments Night Fall For Student Lands Multiple Injury Knife Attack After Students Shun Party Goers 1998-1999 Tim Nash : Union Backs Uni Over Meningitis Vaccine NUS Bounce Illegal Fees Conman Cashes In Butchered Residents Raise Concern Over College Conduct Closed? Booty Sleep Car Fume Halls Hounded Student Arrest What Are We Playing For? Residents Reach Breaking Point Union In The Dark Five Exams In Five Days Bad Sports Exam System Will Be Reviewed Voda-Groan Protesters In Cat-flap Student Plummets From Union Steps Lucky To Be Alive Racist Report Is Condemned Polls Prove The Price IS Right Sabbatical Pay-outs Sinking Hopes For Rowers Prince Of Wales Commends Cardiff Students History In The Making Victory For Cardiff Students University Bows To Student Pressure

gair rhydd since 1972

issueeighthundred

Issue 800 www.gairrhydd.com

freeword SPECIAL COMMEMORATIVE SLEEVE THE ALUMNI INTERVIEWS BY HEATHER CASEY

We look back at the ghosts of gair rhydd past, present and future *Warning - excessive navel-gazing ahead

Tom Wellingham Editor

R

eaching the milestone of 800 editions is no mean feat in any form of print media, let alone student print media. It is with a great sense of achievement therefore that we bring to you Issue 800 of gair rhydd.

Although it hasn’t always been the easiest thing in the world balancing our commitment to fighting for student rights here in Cardiff with the often conflicting wishes of those who have ‘other agendas’ regarding our content, the student newspaper of Cardiff University has been proudly rolling off the presses, in one form or another, for nearly 35 years.

In this age of ever-increasing access to an ever-increasing variety of media formats the gair rhydd continues to look for the student angle on stories of interest, whether local or national and, as a result, every Monday, the paper is widely read by students by those who want to keep up to date with the issues effecting them.

Recently crowned as student Newspaper of the Year at the Guardian Student Media Awards, the gair rhydd continues to go from strength to strength. However, now is not the time to be resting on our lau-

rels. As a paper we are always looking for new writers, contributors, photographers, designers, sub-editors and anyone who is interested in becoming involved in taking gair rhydd forward into the future.

Students in Cardiff might be blissfully unaware of the quality of their student media. Up here in gair rhydd Towers we receive copies of student papers and magazines from across the country and the difference between the other institutions’ student press and both gair rhydd and Quench is clear.

To that extent Cardiff is lucky, although it goes without saying that a paper’s name means nothing if the team behind it is not up to scratch and this is the area where Cardiff excels. The hard work and dedication of the section editors of both gair rhydd and Quench is where the real strength of the paper lies; these are the people who produce the paper week-in, week-out and they too deserve their well earned pat on the back. The future looks bright indeed for Cardiff ’s student press, we are developing our website and installing much needed new hardware in the production office.

There has never been a better time to get involved with either gair rhydd or Quench as we look forward to the next 100 editions.

Cheers.

THE TROPHY CABINET

VICTORS: Ex-editors Gary Andrews and Jim Anthony this year

The future’s bright and the sites of other student publications, our aim is to have a fully updated version of gair rhydd online by the end of the year.

This will allow you, our readers, to comment on stories online, drop us news tips and to follow the goings on of Cardiff students without having to leave your bedroom.

Our aim is to create a student newspaper brand with a local ethos and a global presence. And we want you to be there with us. www.gairrhydd.com WD

S

o here we are. It’s been a long journey but since 1972 gair rhydd has been published on a (fairly) regular basis to the students of Cardiff.

My first memory of gair rhydd was picking up a copy of the then-new Quench magazine (kindly left on my Talybont bed) and thinking, ‘I like the look of this’. Three years later and I’ve had the pleasure of being able to write and edit across the paper.

Much of the last week has seen Team gair rhydd delving into our dusty archives to try and discover how our newspaper evolved into the multi-headed beast it is today. And boy did we find some nuggets...

The roots of gair rhydd can be found in Broadsheet which started in the late forties and cost the princely sum of six old pence. By 1959 (the oldest copy in our archives - hey, this isn’t Time Team) Broadsheet was a six-page bore-fest with headlines like ‘Ladies Night at Annual Dinner’ and ‘Lively but Lawful - RAG Commitee.’ gair rhydd it wasn’t, but Broadsheet quickly became essential to students as a vehement critic of the the Union’s executive and the University as a whole.

However, by the early seventies, the paper had declined into a platform for snide Carry-On innuendoes and, at worst, outright sexism. A sample 1971 cover ran a picture of a stripper and featured an article eulogising sex with schoolgirls with another referring to SU Vice-President Sue James as a “sultry blonde who will do much to relieve the tedium of General Meetings”. Quite.

But rest assured readers you’d never see that kind of filth in gair rhydd circa.

2005. Except perhaps in TV, or Amber Duvall and, erm, News and Sport.

Anyway, smut aside, the merger of the University College Cardiff and University of Wales Institute of Science and Technology’s Unions led to the merger of the Unions’ two campus papers, the aforementioned (and now little more than a comic) Broadsheet from UCC and UWIST’s Impact joined forces to make the phallically named Colossus.

Colossus was doomed from the start, when outraged readers of Broadsheet had a petition signed by 102 people concerning the ‘pornographic’ elements within the recently disbanded paper.

Colossus replied by telling the petitioners to shove their petition ‘up their arse’ and added, for illustration purposes, an

obscene cartoon. So obscene in fact that the paper’s printers refused to show it and put a big black box on top. And so from filthy acorns, the great foulmouthed oak of gair rhydd was born...

John Hartley, author of the offending article in Colossus was the first editorproper of y gair rhydd (still a volunteer position), which, by this point had been written into the Union’s constitution.

As well as dropping the title’s y, subsequent editors began to fiddle with designs; with gair rhydd mutating from a tabloid to an A4 fanzine-style paper and back again. The masthead was also ever-changing and it wasn’t till the early nineties, when our beloved dragon (whom, you may have noticed, has recently had a much-needed face-lift) appeared, that the front-pages began to gain a semblance of consistency.

Editors like 1980/81’s Meirion Jones, the first paid editor (see Alumni), now a Newsnight editor (sample editorial: “Let’s face it, you’re a miserable bunch of apathetic no-hopers for whom I have nothing but contempt.”) upped the ante by breaking into the Principal’s office to copy confidential files and exposing an Iraqi Ba’athist henchman. A story which news editor Paul Dicken followed up to national acclaim in last year’s gair rhydd.

Whilst Chris Rees shifted the paper from being typeset by hand to a professional bureau in Cardiff in the early eighties, it wasn’t until the summer of 1994 when the paper became fully computerised (in other words, no more typing and gluing of articles together).

Technology aside, other key moments in gair rhydd history include the team of autumn ‘81 encouraging students to occupy Main Building as part of a student-wide Rent Strike, running-battles between members of the Union in 1988 (see Geordie) and in 1995 when we sportingly responded by putting a ridiculous picture of an Exec on the front cover blowing a raspberry.

After meandering along until the close of the Millennium, it wasn’t until Tristan Thomas overhauled the paper’s design and, along with Alex Macpherson, introduced the award-winning Quench magazine, that gair rhydd re-established itself as a real force within the student media village. Recent awards successes are a testament to all those who have toiled through the night to bring you a shiny copy of gair rhydd each week. Long may it continue.

800 Issues of Cardiff comment Pages 10 & 11

gair rhydd in Parliament (no, really) Whilst randomly trawling Hansard last week, we chanced upon a Commons debate which praised the name of the good ship gair rhydd: January 17 1994 2. Mr. Jon Owen Jones : To ask the Secretary of State for Wales what plans he has to safeguard Welsh interests on the proposed reform of student unions.

The Minister of State, Welsh Office (Sir Wyn Roberts) : I can assure the hon. Gentleman that the interests of students at Welsh institutions will be fully safeguarded.

Mr. Jones : Is the Minister aware that the excellent newspaper Gair Rhydd which, by the way, features the Secretary of State prominently in this week's edition, will be endangered and will probably have to close as a result of the proposals? What proposals does the Minister have to safeguard the important work of Welsh student unions, which translate so much into Welsh so that there can be equality between the two languages in Welsh institutions? How does the Minister propose that that work will be done in future?

which was nice...

NAME: Tristan Thomas POSITION: Editor 2003/04 AWARDS: NUS/Mirror Best Paper, Guardian Runner-Up Best Magazine

‘HARD AT WORK’: The gair rhydd office

Tristan joined gair rhydd via Sport and distinguished himself with his willingness to work when others wouldn’t. As editor he decided to take the paper into weekly publishing and launched Quench. gair rhydd in a sentence (or three)...

"For a newspaper reliant on volunteers, it is remarkable that gair rhydd has consistently produced a weekly paper that rarely drops below the quality expected at nationals. " I think gair rhydd is the best thing in Cardiff. It is the best student paper in the UK bar-none. Everyone knows it, including employers."

What is your favourite memory of your time at gair rhydd?

"A snowball fight across the whole fourth floor at 4am. It cost us a couple of Mac keyboards, an hour’s rollocking from health and safety, and we flooded the office. It was one of the funniest nights of my life."

THE PAST AND PENDING: Broadsheet, the predecessor of gair rhydd some of the last 800 issues

‘BAN THIS SICK STUDENT FILTH’

W

Geordie on the times gair rhydd got itself into a spot of bother

e’re no stranger to controversy at gair rhydd. Though we’ve never gone looking to cause problems, we certainly don’t shy away from trouble. After all, if we’re not upsetting somebody, we’re probably not doing our job properly. Anyone questioning this might like to consider that the two biggest-selling national newspapers are the Sun and Daily Mail.

As long ago as 1988, a disciplinary committee found editor Mark Moran and the editor of the then equivalent of the music section, Beat Street, Chris Dawe, guilty of ‘bringing the Union into disrepute’. The charge was levelled after the reproduction of the cover of the Pixies’ album Surfer Rosa, which featured a bare-chested woman.

The Union Executive, who have presumably never read the Sun, accused Moran and Dawe of "promoting sexual objectivity", and editorial control was wrested away from them.

The Union Executive then mandated the President to check all of the paper’s text and cut out anything that he found objectionable, effectively appointing him as a censor and removing the freedom of the press. After the remainder of the editorial team threatened to leave any altered articles as empty spaces on the page and several letters of support from readers, the Executive

subsequently backed down.

More recently, in 2001-2002, gair rhydd incurred the wrath of local Falklands veteran Simon Weston. In an article in the national press carrying the headline ‘Ban this sick student filth’, Weston expressed his outrage at a listing in our TV section. The section editor, who we still refuse to name, wrote of a programme on the Royal British Legion: “Hateful and meaningless flag-wanking horse shit destined to be watched exclusively by axe-faced Tory cunts, Daily Mail-reading racists and the sort of fuckwits who fantasise about owning slaves again.”

Okay, so maybe sometimes we do deliberately provoke. This, strictly speaking, wasn’t really on. But Simon Weston’s reaction, claiming that the anonymous writer should be kicked out of University, was completely over the top. Weston also claimed that the "foul-mouthed idiot wouldn’t go up to an ex-serviceman and repeat what he said." Having worked with the offending TV-desker since, I can assure readers that in fact he would.

Quench’s sophomore year (04-05) saw the magazine narrowly avoid closure after just three issues. Former sponsors Ster Century Cinemas received a barrage of complaints after the publication of a satirical article that tackled domestic violence with a paro-

dy mooting its viability as a competitive sport. Unfortunately, several members of a support group for abused women didn’t see the funny side, and the ensuing complaints to Ster resulted in the sponsors threatening to withdraw funding. We printed an apology and carried on to success.

The article’s author, who writes under the pseudonym of ‘Mr Chuffy’, was shortlisted for Best Feature Writer at the Mirror/NUS Student Journalism awards. The women discovered that they can, in fact, stand up for themselves. Everyone’s a winner. Except Ster, who were taken over. Ha ha.

It’s not all doomily and gloomily nearly getting the paper shut down. A lot of the complaints are simply directed at Letters page. This was seized upon by the Most Controversial Letters Editor Ever, who seized upon the opportunity to bite back. Recently, pieces lighting up Letters have included criticism of positive discrimination in allocating a female-only swimming session in Maindy pool for the benefit of Muslim women, an article referring to the late Pope as ‘a cunt’ and arguments over whether wearing short skirts in cold weather is a woman’s right or just plain stupid. And then there’s my good self. In this very issue an attack on my column suggests I’m an ‘anglocentric crypto bigot’…

gair rhydd in a sentence...

“I now know how to use an apostrophe properly.”

How and when did you first get involved at gair rhydd?

"I initially went up to the office to try and get involved in my first year, but found the whole place terrifying and fled. I returned in the latter part of my second year, which was when I started writing a few (very bad) reviews, news stories and generally hanging around and getting in everybody’s way."

What was the most memorable story you ran whilst you were at gair rhydd?

"Paul Dicken’s investigation into an Iraqi minister who used to be a Saddam stooge when he studied at Cardiff was an excellent piece of journalism that wouldn’t have been out of place in the nationals."

NAME: Noel Gardner POSITION: TV and Music Editor 1998/2000 JOB NOW: Listings Editor at Buzz

Thanks to everyone who has made gair rhydd the success it is over the last 33 years.

Want to decide the fate of the next 800 issues? Join our team on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union. gair rhydd Issue 800 pull-out

Edited by: Will Dean With: Tom Wellingham, Chris White and Heather Casey Photos: Luke Pavey, James Perou Thanks: John Rostron, gr1994, an expert gair rhydd history

gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com

D

espite having bigger resources than many student newspapers, gair rhydd is still very 20th century in its technological output.

Things, however, are beginning to change. As well as a new state-of-theart server and new computers we’re planning to massively renovate our web presence. Despite thie valiant attempts of editors past, gr’s online output leaves a lot to be desired.

Inspired by the likes of the Guardian’s market-leading website

Will Dean Deputy Editor

Gary introduced the Health and Science sections to the paper.

Raising the overall quality of the paper and eliminating mistakes, his most significant change was to introduce sub-editors.

University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN

Starting this decade’s success was the 2004 title of Student Newspaper of the Year at the Mirror/NUS’s Student Journalism Awards.

Former editor Tristan Thomas, said that: "gair rhydd has always has a reputation for delivering quality copy on tight deadlines.” At this year’s ceremony, the paper came runner-up. Boo. Winning the hat-trick at the Guardian awards sealed the deal.

Former editor Gary Andrews lead his editorial team to the 2005 glory, which knocked the hugely successful – York Vision from its three-year title-perch. Andrews told us: "The award really is for the entire paper and everybody who worked on it, as without them we’d have never have taken this award." HC

A brief(ish) history of gair rhydd

gair rhydd

gair rhydd is enjoying a run of success after winning big at this year’s Guardian awards.

Taking Best Paper, Magazine and James Anthony’s Student Journalist of the Year award, gair rhydd was described by Piers Morgan as: “Consistently lively and inventive.”

Over the past few years, Cardiff University publications have scooped six student media titles.

The paper’s recent success mirrored another gair rhydd golden age in the early 1990s. In 1990 and 1991, Cardiff took Best College Newspaper. In 1996, gair rhydd was named runner-up in the Guardian’s best paper awards, an achievement Quench would ape in its first year of conception in the magazine category.

NAME: Gary Andrews Position and Year: Editor 2004/05 AWARDS : Guardian Best Student Newspaper and Magazine

NAME: Meirion Jones.

POSITION: Editor 1980/81 JOB NOW: Producer on Newsnight Meirion was the first paid editor of gair rhydd. Under his editorship, the paper went from around eight issues a year, into fortnightly publication with a sabbatical editor. gair rhydd in a sentence...

"Fun, hard work, on a good week a curry and a couple of beers if we finished before dawn."

What was the most memorable story you ran whilst you were at gair rhydd?

"We staged an occupation of the Principal’s office and went prepared.

We took a generator for when they cut off the leccy and staged a full disco inside overnight – we used a portable photocopier to duplicate every confidential file we could find. It kept us in stories for ages. "gair rhydd gave me the chance to learn what worked and what didn’t.

Turns out the same principles apply to student journalism as to going after Blunkett for Newsnight, tracking down suicide bombers’ families or revealing how Britain helped Israel get the Bomb.

Go after it, get it right and get it first."

Noel joined gair rhydd in 1998 and wrote for music where he took "local indie-rock more seriously than seems decent in retrospect".

From his time here, he believes he learnt more from hanging around the office than attending his Journalism lectures. gair rhydd in a sentence...

"I’ve just spotted the drummer from Ash with his new haircut on the first floor of the Union. If you’re reading this, you look like a fucking douchebag."

Who was the most interesting or promising person you met during your time at the office?

"I’m tempted to say Andrew Caldicott, an inveterate letter-writing right-wing moron whose tone seemed to be a cross between ‘Major Misunderstanding’ from Viz and a rugby player at 4am post match. I never actually met him. Instead I nominate DC Gates, who wrote a largely incomprehensible column for you until recently, and is a legend."

NAME: Dylan Moore POSITION: Reviews 1999-2000 JOB NOW: CFUK Editor gair rhydd in a sentence...

"A fantastic opportunity, I wish I’d made more of it.”

Do you think gair rhydd has helped you get ahead in your career?

"Looking back, part of my confidence needed to set up my own magazine (CFUK) probably came from my experience with gr. I just wish I’d paid more attention to all the technical stuff!"

News

Page 2

November 21 2005

news@gairrhydd.com

At

a glance November 21 2005 News Editorial & Opinion Letters Geordie Media Health Taf Od Grab!

Science/Environment Politics Listings Dear Amber Five Min Fun Television Jobs & Money Sport

1 8 10 13 14 15 16 18 21 22 24 26 27 29 39 40

EDITOR Tom Wellingham DEPUTY EDITOR Will Dean ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR Elaine Morgan CREATIVE EDITOR Graeme Porteous NEWS Charissa Coulthard, Caroline Farwell, Dan Ridler, Perri Lewis POLITICS Andrew Mickel EDITORIAL AND OPINION Sophie Robehmed, James Emtage SPORT Ed Jones, Tim Lewis LISTINGS Will Schmit, Alice Curitz TELEVISION TV Gareth, TV Grace, TV Jane, TV John LETTERS Dave Menon GRAB Megan Connor TAF-OD Lois Dafydd SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT Ceri Morgan MEDIA Heather Casey HEALTH Vanessa Roche, Laura Murphy JOBS AND MONEY Nicola Menage PROBLEM PAGE Amber Duval FIVE MIN FUN Colm Loughlin HEADS OF PHOTOGRAPHY Luke Pavey, Adam Gasson SUB-EDITORS Charlotte White, Holly Marshall PROOF READERS Andrew Mickel, Becky Owen, Caroline Nial, Laura Kenwright, Spohie Robinson, Steph Bracher, Huw Davies CONTRIBUTORS Ross Whittam, Katie Kennedy, Dan Maton, Lindle Markwell, John Tuscany, Damaqu Meronvil, James Perou, Tim Clark, Aline Ungewiss, Jonathan Duggan, Lucie Apampa, Kathryn Harries, Lowri Jones, Rhys Tudur, Stanley Cowell, Dave Menon, Kara Dawson, Steve Smith, George Pawley, Paul Hunt, Andrew Barclay, James Woodroof, Alex LLoyd, Jon Berridge, Steve Myerscough, Rafaat Malki, Billy Hemstock, Ellie Jordan, Andrew Rennison, Gareth Thomas, ADDRESS University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN ADVERTISING 02920 781 474 EMAIL gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com WEB www.gairrhydd.com LOCATION 4th Floor Students’ Union

Swansea swan-song

Interest in flights take off

Swansea University considers taking drastic action to raise muchneeded cash

By Ross Whittam Reporter

By Dan Maton Reporter SWANSEA UNIVERSITY is considering selling its Student Village, which is home to more than 1,600 students, in order to raise cash for the college’s academic expansion plans.

The money made from the sale, which is hoped to be in the region of £25 million, would then be used to help pay for a massive investment that is needed at the University’s seafront campus site.

The Hendrefoilan Student Village is situated in one of the most soughtafter housing areas in Swansea.

A report by a team of consultants revealed that the University’s 1960s buildings are in need of repairs that could total £32 million.

As the current campus has no room left for growth or expansion, an alternative is

needed.

It is likely to be funded by selling off the student village to developers who will be keen to get their hands on the potentially-lucrative land.

Pro Vice-Chancellor Peter Townsend said: “We are looking at Hendrefoilan because it is a valuable site right in the middle of a housing area.”

If the village is sold, new accommodation will have to be found for students.

This may fuel a private rental housing boom.

However, Swansea chiefs are considering a number of options.

The most radical plans involve relocating the whole of the University to Llanelli, a move that could have dire effects for the city’s economy.

In response to the suggestion, Swansea council leader Chris Holley expressed his confidence that this would not happen.

“Swansea is the home of the University and we, as a council, would look to help it expand and take on more staff and students.”

There is also concern that a move away from Swansea would attract fewer students, as Llanelli could not compete with Swansea’s social scene.

Tony Harper, a student at Swansea University, said: “Swansea and the University are mutually beneficial to one another.

“Neither would be as successful if separated.”

STUDENT VILLAGE: Home to around 1,600 Swansea students

AIRPORT: Future plans wanted available.

If the Information Commission rules in favour of the environmentalists, all regional airports in England and Wales could be forced to release information about their future plans.

Max Wallis of Friends of the Earth said: “We believe Cardiff Airport should be publicly accountable over its plans for expansion because the public has a right to know.”

Mother’s snot kidding

By Katie Kennedy Reporter WRAPPING UP warm like your mother told you to really can prevent colds, researchers have announced this week.

Before this research there was no scientific evidence to support a relationship between chilling and viral infection.

The study was carried out by Professor Eccles and colleagues of the Common Cold Centre and the findings were published this week.

180 volunteers took part in the study.

Half the participants put their feet in icy water for 20 minutes, while the other half put their feet into an empty bowl.

Links between feeling cold with catching a cold were found when one in three volunteers who had sat with their feet plunged in icy water developed a cold in five days.

Professor Eccles said: “If they become chilled this causes a pronounced constriction of the blood vessels in the nose and shuts off the warm blood that supplies the white cells that fight infection.

“The reduced defences in the nose allow the virus to get stronger and common cold symptoms develop.”

LOCAL FOCUS A soapbox for the views of Cardiff residents How long have you worked at Gassy Jacks?

I have worked here for just over four years.

Name: Claire McCullagh Age: 26 Location: Gassy Jacks Title: Manager PRINTED: SHARMANS OF PETERBOROUGH

CARDIFF AIRPORT is under pressure from environmentalist groups to reveal information about its future plans.

Friends of the Earth are using the Freedom of Information Act to ensure that the airport releases its 20-year ‘master plan’.

An appeal has been made to the Information Commissioner who can order the release of material withheld by public bodies.

However, the airport is owned by a private company and claims that it is not covered by the Act. Since 1999 the airport’s management have refused to release its plans that detail possible increases in passenger and cargo traffic.

Steve Hodgetts, Head of the Airport Business Development, said that a new master plan was under preparation and that he would supply environmentalist groups with a copy when it became

What do you think of the students you serve?

I think students are the nicest people to serve – the students that come in are always really friendly and

easy to get on with.

Are your customers mainly students?

Yes the vast majority are students but we also have lots of regular non-student customers as well.

Have you considered making Gassy Jacks a student-only premises?

We have made it students only previously on busy weekends to control the crowds and to keep the atmosphere but no, we would never make it student only permanently.

What offers can students expect to find in Gassy Jacks?

Our most popular offer is

a double spirit and mixer for £2.50. We have a really good menu that is always popular with students, food is really good here and is reasonably priced.

We also offer student discounts on selected bottles and draught. Also, we have just started selling mulled wine.

Interview by Kate Thomas

News

November 21 2005

Page 3

news@gairrhydd.com

By Charissa Coulthard News Editor STUDENT UNION executives are looking into the viability of introducing a letting agency to the Students’ Union, it was revealed on Tuesday.

Following surges of complaints made frequently by students in poor accommodation, the proposition – raised during a student council meeting – aims to achieve a service that will lower the number of problems students have with landlords and premises.

The meeting acknowledged that most Cardiff University students reside in private accommodation after their first year, and that these places are not always of a habitable standard.

The decision comes two weeks after gair rhydd addressed the story of a letting agency ignoring the pleas of students whose house was littered with maggot-infested rats.

The go-ahead of such a service will inevitably put pressure on the Students’ Union, although President Pete Goodman assures it will be a ‘quality service’ and that top standards – including checks on insurance, liability and risk – will be essential.

He said: "A full risk-analysis and business plan will be put together by the Union and external members will be used as appropriate."

The University currently publishes a housing list that is independent from the Students’ Union. Although the possibility will remain for students to opt against going through an agency to avoid fees, it has been stressed that

it will be entirely ‘their prerogative.’

The proposition will coincide with the recent changes to regulations for houses of multiple occupation (HMOs), which were decided following the Housing Act in 2004.

The changes will see the introduction of compulsory licensing for all HMOs with more than five occupants, which will have to be applied for by the owner to the Council.

Steve Hancock, Divisional Officer for the Housing and Public Health Team, said: "This will help us to support and encourage good landlords and allow us the time to concentrate on those who are not, to ensure their properties are brought up to standard."

Changes to the HMO legislation will potentially affect the number of letting agencies in Cardiff student areas – many of which are currently unlicensed. This is predicted to increase the number of students who will be in need of help when finding a new property.

Introducing a letting agency within a Students’ Union is not a new idea and has already proved successful for Leeds and Hertfordshire universities.

Goodman added: "I’m very excited by the prospect of the Students’ Union potentially having a letting agency – I believe it will be a vital service for students."

The location and date of the proposed service is currently undecided.

gair rhydd’s damning report

Setting the City alight BILLIE PIPER and new Doctor Who David Tennant turned on the Christmas lights in Cardiff on Thursday night.

The pair, who coyly dropped suggestions for future episodes of the hit series, were greeted by a barrage of fireworks following the countdown and lightup.

BRIGHT SPARKS: Billie Piper and David Tennant

ARSON ABOUT IN CATHAYS

PHOTOS:James Perou

By Dan Ridler News Editor POLICE ARE investigating a fire that was started in an abandoned bar on Maindy Road last Wednesday evening.

The resulting inferno continued throughout the evening as fire fighters rushed to the blaze near the underconstruction optometry building.

Although ambulances attended the

scene, nobody was injured in the blaze.

Police are treating the case as arson, and forensic teams are combing the site for forensic evidence to try and catch the suspect.

“This is very rare in Cardiff,” said a police spokesperson. “We are appealing for witnesses to try and catch whoever did this.”

Anybody with information should contact the police switchboard on (029) 20 22211

FIRE: Burning (inset) and charred roof

Page 4

News As close as they come

November 21 2005

news@gairrhydd.com

“NUS Wales needs improving” Dylan Thomas (left), new NUS Wales President

DYLAN TAKES CHARGE

By Caroline Farwell News Editor THE NATIONAL Union of Students for Wales elected a new president at its Winter Conference last week.

Dylan Williams, 22, was elected with a promise to re-invigorate the student movement and continue the fight against fees in Wales.

Speaking following his election, Dylan said: "I am honoured to have been elected by the membership of NUS Wales to take over the Presidency of the movement at this challenging and crucial time for education in Wales."

Dylan was formerly a student at the University of Wales, Swansea, and he sat on the Students’ Union Executive Committee for two years as Welsh Language Officer and then as General Secretary.

He went on to say: "The student movement faces a number of challenges at the moment and I am looking forward to being able to work with students across Wales to keep up the pressure on the Government, universities and elected officials to make life better for students".

The by-election for NUS Wales President was triggered by the resignation of James Knight in October this year.

Dylan in his own words...

What are your plans for the future of NUS Wales?

"I intend to continue fighting effective campaigns and to promote the issues facing students.

NUS Wales needs improving and I will improve standards to ensure that the organisation runs effectively and successfully. " What are you going to do to help the fight against top-up fees?

"The next few years are very important in the fight against topup fees. Our success in stopping top-up fees from affecting Welsh domiciled students shows our commitment to the cause. We now need to secure this win and put pressure on the government and the Assembly to stop top-up fees entering Wales altogether.

We will be continuing the campaign for English students who want to study in Wales with more action and vigour."

What other campaigns will you be focusing on as president?

"We will be campaigning for universities to offer more courses taught in Welsh and the NUS will be working closely with the Federal College and the Welsh Language Board to achieve this.

We will also be lobbying to increase funding for higher education and improve student representation in further education."

How do you plan to re-invigorate the student movement?

"Enthusiasm from students is

so important to the NUS because we are their national lobbying organisation. I intend to communicate effectively with unions across the country and travel to the universities to listen to what the students have to say. It’s so important to listen to students and make sure their voices are being heard."

How did you think your experience on the executive committee will help you as president?

"I have had two years of practical experience that I think is very important for my position. I am a very passionate person and I believe this is crucial to being a good president. I have done lots of administration work in the past two years and I have ran effective campaigns and know how to communicate with students."

How do you feel about your predecessor James Knight?

"James did some fantastic work for the NUS during his five years with the organisation."

James Knight was a Labour Student, how do you feel about a President being affiliated with a political party?

"In my opinion, I want to remain neutral. If someone can separate their own political beliefs from the NUS movement then that’s fine. But I will be neutral in my political leanings."

gair rhydd just misses out at the Mirror awards as York scoop title

By Charissa Coulthard News Editor gair rhydd’s reign as the NUS/Daily Mirror Best Newspaper of the year came to an end last Saturday after being announced runner-up in the 2005 awards.

The University of York took the prestigious title with one of its two publications, Nouse.

But high standards were still recognised, with two of the four short-listed gair rhydd journalists scooping runner-up prizes for individual categories.

Former News Editor Paul Dicken – who was shortliisted for Best Reporter with co-news editor Dave Doyle - won the £250 runner-up prize.

He said: "It’s excellent to get some industry recognition for the original and interesting stories News dug up this year. It’s also better to know that

Former gair rhydd editor, Gary Andrews, added: "Fair-play to Nouse, they’ve really come on strong the last few years and are clearly a very good paper.

"I don’t think I can be too disappointed with winner at The Guardian and runner-up at The Mirror – that’s one of the best results at the nationals that gair rhydd has ever had, although WINNERS: Paul it would have been Dicken (left) and John Stanton (right) nice to take something home."

The awards were presented by Big He commented: "It’s a Brother 3 winner Kate Lawler and nice reward for all the hard work over took place by The Mirror the past couple of years but it’s disap- Headquarters in Docklands, East London. pointing not to have won.”

I beat Dave."

The winner was Leeds student Jessica Salter, who won three awards at the ceremony.

Former gair rhydd Sports Editor John Stanton was also announced runnerup for Best Sports Writer.

TORY MP IN SEXIST ROW

By Lindle Markwell Reporter NUS WALES has hit back at a Tory MP after he criticised the decision by the Wales’ Trade Union Congress to make their Women’s Conference a women-only affair.

Last week a motion was put forward by the public sector union, Unison, that could have banned all men, including technicians and those serving tea, from the TUC Women’s Conference due to be held in February next year.

The proposal suggested: "The conference should be for women, observed by women and facilitated by women."

Monmouth MP David Davies claimed that the motion was, ‘sheer bloody nonsense’, while adding that nothing surprised him ‘in Blair's polit-

ically correct Britain’.

He said: “If a union organised a men-only conference and said all women should be excluded, it's not difficult to imagine the reaction.

"I find it extraordinary that a body like the Wales TUC, which campaigns for equal opportunity, should even consider a motion like this.

“It is clearly sexist."

After hearing these comments NUS Wales Women’s Officer Bethan Thomas replied: "This dinosaur has no place in the dynamic, vibrant Wales of the 21st Century.

"His views represent the worst of the old-guard and are completely outdated.

"Despite the strides forward in recent years, women still face huge levels of discrimination and disadvantage in education

and employment and continue to be under-represented in our democratic and Governmental structures of power.”

Supporters of a women-only conference agree that it is sometimes valuable for women to have the opportunity to discuss certain issues without men present.

Helen Mary Jones, a spokeswoman for Plaid Cymru, stressed: "When issues like domestic violence are being discussed, some women can feel uncomfortable referring to their own experiences in front of men."

However, in spite of some backing, the controversial plans to make the Conference a ‘Men-Free Zone’ were rejected after the Conference committee itself voted overwhelmingly against the motion.

uld o h S t e e r t s e Word on th d in? e w o l l a e b n e m ey “I think that th in ys gu t le should t just because it’s no n women who ca s change attitude about gender.”as Hannah Thom munithird-year com cation

o one “It would be toeren’t w en m if d de si need allowed in. Youake it m to e men ther balanced.”

Melanie Cunningham third-year s business studie

“Men should bee they “Fair enough if-only. allowed into thn’t want it womennd if conference. Doneed a I can understa fortyou think you to get m they feel unco out man’s opinion ?” able talking ab a balanced view certain issues.”

Mark Bond us Graeme Porteoathmat- first -year phy second-year m marine geogra ics

News

November 21 2005

Page 5

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BURGLER ME

ITV-tales

Careless students open the door to opportunist burglars

FUNKY: A new look for Welsh news

A SPATE OF burglaries occurring when students have failed to lock doors in Cathays this week prompted local police to investigate the security problem.

A gair rhydd reporter joined PC Robert Keohane on Wednesday afternoon to check doors in the central Cathays area.

Last month, police figures show that whilst the overall burglary rate was down, 41 student houses were broken into and, in a staggering 80% of cases, the thief gained access from the open front door.

Walking the streets, the constable spent 45 minutes trying to open doors of possible student houses.

During this time, approximately 35 doors were tried and, of these, five were found to be open, one still with the key on the outside of the door.

"This is quite a worrying result," said PC Keohane, "but not unexpected.

"Almost 15% of houses tried were open, and had I been a burglar I could have stolen laptops, CD’s and iPods and the occupants probably wouldn’t have noticed until it was too late."

At one point during the short investigation, PC Keohane was able

LEST WE FORGET

By John Tuscany Reporter TWO HEROIC war veterans who attended Cardiff university in the forties returned to pay respect to the staff and students who died in World War Two. Ian Wilson, who attended Cardiff University from 1945-50, was part of the Cardiff University Naval Division (UND) and served for the navy during the war.

Last year he organised the

to enter a student house and despite calling upstairs to alert the students, was completely ignored.

Given the run of the ground floor of the house, the officer was able to enter the empty ground floor bedroom and identify several easily portable and expensive items including a DVD player and a laptop left in a window visible from the street.

It was only when he called upstairs again five minutes later explaining that it was the police that he received a response.

"Leaving items in a ground floor window is asking for trouble," said the PC. "To a drug addict that’s £50 to feed their addiction."

"It’s easy to help yourself. You can

get alarms from most hardware stores for about three pounds that will sound when the door is opened, both telling you that someone has entered and giving the potential burglar a fright."

PC Keohane also checked a back alley for rear doors left open, finding that many garden gates were left swinging and kitchen windows were often left unattended and ajar.

"It’s worth remembering that criminals can get in around the back of an alley.

"Once they’re in the garden they’re pretty safe as well because nobody is likely to see them. In that time they could break a lock or force a window."

SAVAGED

By Damaqu Meronvil Reporter A SCHOOLGIRL attacked on October 11 in South Wales fears her bully will strike again when she returns to school.

Danielle Price, 15 of Llangatwg Comprehensive in Neath, south Wales was treated in the hospital for facial injuries and a split eyelid.

She was attacked shortly after being presented with two awards for coming top of her class in German and humanities during a morning assembly.

Danielle said: "My nose was bleeding, my eyelid was split and all my eyes were swollen up."

Her mother, Viv Price says: "The

University’s 60th reunion.

Bill John, who is currently Vice-President of the University, studied at Cardiff from 1941-42 before leaving to serve in the Royal Artillary.

He later returned In 1946 and stayed for a further three years; a year of which he spent as the president of the Students’ Union.

They paid their rememberance day respects in the main building, where the Second World War memorial stands.

ATTACKED: A bully’s victim

girl punched lumps out of her face.

I think it was jealousy. There's been few little things. She's good at school and she's been doing a modelling shoot so I think when she got the awards it pushed the girl over the edge."

The 15-year-old girl received a five-day suspension over the attack and returned to school.

Both Danielle and her mother expressed concerns about the severity of the punishment. "I am really worried about going back to school," Danielle said. "The girl who attacked me is back after a five-day suspension."

Danielle said she planned to ignore the girl and let the teacher deal with it.

Mrs Price said her daughter loves learning and will not let the bullying stop her.

"The school have been very good and I'm sure they will do all they can do to protect my daughter," she added.

"I don't want Danielle to miss lessons but the girl should be off for longer. Otherwise it is telling the child if you beat someone up you can have a week off school. She's back there now like she's done nothing at all."

Llangatwg head teacher, Roger Skilton, said: "I am aware of the situation but I cannot comment on individual pupils. Appropriate action has been taken."

Rough stuff

PHOTO: James Perou

By Dan Ridler News Editor

ITV WALES’ regional news programme has been relaunched with a new name and a trendy new look.

Wales Tonight has replaced the traditional news-desk with comfy sofas and coffee tables for a more informal atmosphere, similar in style to the early morning news programmes such as BBC’s Breakfast.

The relaunch comes at a time when main news programmes are increasingly facing competition from other news sources.

Research conducted at Cardiff University School of Journalism has analysed the threat that 24-hour rolling news services pose to main bulletins.

"People are increasingly using those services although they don’t provide as good a bulletin as the main programmes do," said Professor Justin Lewis, Deputy Head of the School.

Prof. Lewis suggested that main news programmes had to adopt a distinctive style to cater to different news audiences and match the appeal of ‘quick and easy access to the news’ that 24-hour services provide.

By Jon Mackrell.

HOMELESS: Tried by students CARDIFF UNIVERSITY students will be helping the homeless this Christmas by sleeping rough in the city centre.

The event, which will take place on December 2, aims to highlight the difficulties faced by hundreds of homeless individuals in the Welsh capital.

Last year’s event raised almost £12,000 for the charity Cardiff Action for the Single Homeless (C.A.S.H.) who run The Huggard homeless drop-in centre.

This is Cardiff’s only open-door shelter and provides essential services for homeless people.

Toby Willis, a first-year student preparing for the Big Sleep Out said: "It’s an exciting event that everyone can get involved in to raise money and awareness for a good cause."

Any students wishing to get involved should drop into the Student Volunteering Centre (SVC) office on the 3rd floor of the Students Union or can email svc@cardiff.ac.uk for more information.

By Darren Geoghegan.

Page 6

World News

November 21 2005

news@gairrhydd.com

Letter from

World News in Brief

THAILAND

by Darren Geoghegan

I smell a rat FOOD STANDARDS at ASDA have come into question after a nine-inch rat was found in a jar of gherkins.

The discovery was made by accountant Jeanette Reinders who said: "I’m disgusted ASDA made this mistake. It was a dismembered rat with a horrible long tail."

ASDA, who believe the rat was gathered in with the gherkins during harvesting, said: "We are appalled. We will make sure it does not happen again."

Saddam assault IRAQI TELEVISION has reported that Saddam Hussein was attacked by two court clerks during questioning for his trial.

The former Iraqi leader was being interrogated over the crushing of the Shia rebellion in southern Iraq where tens of thousands of Shias were killed following the first Gulf War when the attack took place.

"They attacked the tyrant and punched him several times," the station said.

Rebellion TWENTY PEOPLE are said to have been killed when prisoners broke out of a military prison in the eastern Ethiopian town of Kebri Dehar.

Up to 34 prisoners are said to have escaped after subduing prison guards and seizing their rifles.

The prisoners are from a rebel group which is fighting against the government in the ethnic Somali region of Ethiopia.

Chinese card play INSPIRED BY the US forces, police in central China have begun handing out packs of playing cards featuring mostwanted criminals.

The Chinese police made the unusual move after a nationwide poster c a m paign failed to secure the rest of a man wanted for murder in the province of Henan.

Police said the cards will be handed out to passengers on all trains that stop at the provincial capital, Zhengzhou.

By Tim Clark Reporting from Bangkok WHILE THE UK government has ordered 14.6 million courses of bird flu antiviral, Cambodia’s governments stock is little over 100. Even when combined with other sources, the total available still falls dangerously short.

Megge Miller, technical advisor to the World Health Organisation, said: "In Cambodia at present the WHO have about 1600 treatment courses, or enough to treat 1600 people should an outbreak happen here, and also for treatment of sporadic cases, that are not linked."

FUNDAMENTAL: The Eyeingtons were murdered by Islamic fundamentalists "At the moment I don’t think there are sufficient doses. But in Muslim Somaliland. part of the self-proclaimed republic of

By Aline Ungewiss a country like Cambodia how do The murders bore the hallmarks Somaliland.

Reporter we justify spending millions of There were no signs of robbery and of a professional assassination. donor dollars on Tamiflu for someThis case led to co-operation motives for the murder remain unclear thing that might happen?"

This is an ever present situaA COURT has sentenced eight men because the couple were said to have between the Somaliland police and tion in Cambodia. Any problem to death for murdering the foreign been well respected in the local com- Scotland Yard, as is customary in can only be seen within the wider murders of British citizens abroad. aid workers Dick and Enid munity. context of others. You need all the But they were only able to trace However, evidence has shown that Eyeington in October 2003. pieces to fit before you are able to The married couple, who had lived the murder may have been part of a ter- the current suspects by sending a see the picture. in Africa for almost 40 years, were dis- ror campaign by Islamic fundamentalist team to make further investiga"A larger stockpile would be nice, tions with the support of local covered dead by their cleaner in their militia fighters with links to al-Qaida. but we have to look at the realities The authorities believe that the two police. living room, both shot through the of being in Cambodia," Miller said.

The eight men sentenced to foreign aid workers were targeted by head.

In August bird flu arrived in Europe with all the fanfare of a Mongol They had taken on the project of terrorists who want to eradicate death were all found guilty of terhorde. Along with it, a wave of worry restoring a boarding school in a remote Western Christian influence from rorism and banditry. and speculation over just what to do to avert what the experts are now predicting – a pandemic which could kill millions of people worldwide.

Now it is a global issue. Health officials discussed plans for richer countries to donate a portion of their stockpiles of antiviral drugs to poorer countries but these efforts take time.

Earlier this year Tit Sokhan, Cambodia’s first human victim of Australia shocked at discovery of ‘glow-in-the-dark’ meat avian influenza, died in Vietnam after seeking medical treatment there.

Tit had first sought medical help in

By Jonathan Duggan common course of action meat to visibly glow.

Cambodia, but a doctor was unable Reporter "While most of us would under- amongst those with any common to identify her illness. standably be shocked to see our sense.

It is health care like this that In the statement, Dr Davey food glowing, it is important to should have us all worried. Experts believe that if a pandemic is to be THE DISCOVERY of ‘glow-in-the- remember that the microorganism gave this pearl of wisdom: contained, it is vitally important that a dark’ meat in Australia has responsible for the glow is not "Remember this simple advice case is identified before it can spread sparked fears of radioactive known to cause food poisoning," if it glows, throw it.” to twenty cases. contamination in the food sup- said George Davey, DirectorMiller said that one of the main General of the Authority. ply. problems surrounding identification According to Dr Davey, the A caller to a local Sydney-based of an outbreak is in educating the radio station started a wave of authority receives on average two rural population in awareness of the panic that swept across Australia phone calls a month from people virus. last week by complaining about the concerned about glowing meat, "The farmers that we encountered earlier this year say that they accept fact that pork-chops he had bought but they released the statement to that chickens die this time of year, in a supermarket were glowing, ease fears caused by the radio and they have always been safe to illuminating the inside of his report. eat, they ask why there is a problem Mr Davey added: "There has fridge. now," Miller said.

The New South Wales Health been some speculation in "It is going to take a long time to Authority released a statement the media that glowing really change that behavior." attributing the meat’s luminosity to food might have been Although there have been no a harmless light-emitting bacteria, irradiated, and I can new reports of suspected poultry ‘pseudomonas fluorescens’, that is assure consumers mortality in recent weeks, there have been signs of the virus in naturally present in most meats and that this is definitethe Cambodian provinces. ly not the case." fish.

"The virus has circulated in The glowing can The phenomenon occurs when previous months and the risks the meats are not stored at the cor- be a sign that the meat remain high," said Yves Froelich rect temperature and the bacteria is going off, so the safest from the UN’s Food and Agriculture are allowed to multiply, causing the thing to do is to dispose of it, a Organisation (FAO).

MURDERED

Glowing report

Editorial & Opinion

Page 8

November 21 2005

opinion@gairrhydd.com

gair rhydd

FREE WORD The Dirty Trade THIS WEEK we lead with a story about a woman sold into sex slavery in this country and forced to work in local ‘massage parlour’ Abygales.

To most students, this studio is an unobtrusive addition to the cosmopolitan world that is our beautiful city.

To some students, Abygales is more than this; it’s also a good weekend out.

Two years ago, gair rhydd talked to the manager of Abygales, who estimated that 30% of their weekend customers were students.

Apparently, we’re not as broke as we make out.

If people are willing to spend money in brothels, and clearly they are, then we should examine different ways of ensuring the industry is safe for those working in it and customers using it.

Social sex taboos afflicting those with closed minds could be doing more damage than good to the rights, working condition and sexual health of the public as a whole.

Lock up ITS ALMOST unbelievable that this far into term we can find such blatently lax home security as was revealed in this weeks gair rhydd.

That a newspaper journalist and a not-especially-inconspicuous police officer could enter a house, choose what they would have preferred to nick and then be in a position where they could leave undetected is fantastic news for criminals.

If you don’t want your laptops then please bring them up to gr towers on the 4th ‘cause i’d really love one.

If you are quite keen on keeping your shiny super processing compact state of the art (did i mention shiny?) machines to your greedy little selves however, then leaving them behind a pane of single glazed glass in an empty bedroom on a street facing windowsill might be counter productive.

No-one likes to have their stuff nicked, don’t ask for it to happen to you.

It’s a celebration

BY THE WAY, it’s our 800th edition! We celebrate 800 copies of gair rhydd with this edition and long may the process of bringing student news out to the students continue.

Many thanks to everyone who works on the teams, thanks to those who have worked in the past to make the paper what it is today and to the people who will continue the tradition into tomorrow; we hope to see you up here soon.

Meetings are at 17:00 on Mondays, fourth floor of the Union.

To mark this special edition, Ed-Op Editors James and Soph invite you to join us as we dust off and dive into the archives of gair rhydd

In a class of their own Broadsheet University College Cardiff, Vol. XII, No. 1 October 15 1959 Price: Threepence Article: ‘Class In Kent’

by Peter Nurse

N

ot even a stopping place, most cars roar through, going to London or the coast. Yet people live here; cathedral, castle, river and narrow streets make up the place. Old English towns are a fraud made for tourist posters and calendars, there is nothing but moldering walls in reality.

The ancient buildings are a shell that echo the strains of the one cafe with a juke box which crowd the Marlon Brando gang, leather jerkins, gum, bored faces and tapping feet.

Outside are murderous motorbikes, bought on the H.P., American culture beneath the shadow of the feudal castle walls. No one else is in the street; they are looking at a Western on the T.V. or gone to not far away London.

Everything is made worse by the nearness of that great sucking void which swallows any local community within 50 miles of Piccadily.

The pubs are quiet places with quiet

conversation. No Welsh animation and drunkeness. There are the pictures and one theatre which puts on shows for the boys in local barracks. “My Bare Lady” is better than nothing. Middleclass people do not frequent the town pubs; they either go to the Hotel-bar or “a nice little place out in the country.”

Places in the country are only reached by car; thus they are exclusive and testimony to your status. For the young, they give the opportunity of getting “tanked up” and then having a “sess” in the darkness of a country lane.

“Even if you are Welsh, if you can talk about “rugger” and wear tweeds, you will be outwardly accepted”

with their lot (except the young who want to get out of the ‘dead ole’) as they have the choice of three channels and twopence off the pint. They live in the older part of town, and on the council states. The better off live above town, semi-detached, two kids, a car, doing nicely thank you. Yet everywhere one meets professional families grumbling about the Health Service, that shop assistants are not what they were, coal miners are vastly overpaid and trade unions are too strong. They want back the times of cheap labour, of an army of bowing, scraping workers to shine their silver and to keep their place.

The workers are rough since there is little work in the area. Their children attend the secondary modern schools where there are forty in a class.

There is a local P u bl i c

Old English towns are very much of the Masters and Men school. The workers seem content

P O T

F O

Rem e thou when wmber was ght the e all goin g to world end. ..

gair rhydd ‘Free Word’: No. 652, January 17 2000, ‘Lost in London, the place where everything went wrong....’

by Charlotte Martyn

F

School where the boys wear straw boaters. These schools will put a plum in anyone’s mouth for forty pounds a term. Even if you are Welsh, if you can talk about “rugger” and wear tweeds, you will be outwardly accepted.

Avoid the cathedral towns of England; visit but do not stay. They are full of retired professionals, who take a taxi from the station to avoid the teds, full of Americanised youths who scorn everything the town stands for, dominated by swelling social pretentions from a previous era where God was on the side of the masters and not the men.

aced with a somewhat pedestrian Millennium Eve at home in a geriatric town on the South coast, a friend’s promise of free transport, free accomodation, and the greatest night on Earth known to man, beast or child, was enough to lure me up to London for New Years’ Eve.... ....As midnight approached, the

clock started to go wrong, which had everyone shitting themselves about the Millennium Bug. Luckily for all concerned, the World did not end at midnight, and the fifteen minutes of fireworks were most impressive.

On the stroke of midnight, the man in front of me proposed to his girlfriend (who accepted), which was hopelessly romantic, and prompted my friend to propose to me (under duress admittedly). Sadly, like all good looking, witty, considerate men, he already has a boyfriend.

Editorial & Opinion

November 21 2005

Page 9

opinion@gairrhydd.com

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d LY fe REAL Union m ’ I t ? u k ing . Wor you, b bout ar you ask ? the mat e, a w o y e h kn hos om don’t at with? I f the econ es - all of t with h o Y up. W The state n rabbit? I’m fed up a food? the Alask hing else, lications. d up. e yt of n s a t i y app b n ody f ha e tha y job blood - I’m blo es over, to r o m tim od not re but erous in blo o igno - I’m filling sorry. No d facts num e chance t e most I’m e same ol bugger th k I’M th ng to th ryi thin old l i F ling me bored ake them m Allison. T e I want l l o m o s p c o l o a m give Trying t y pe to the since M he onl them. able person THEY are t ly applying es, they i n y t emplo ce them tha eally I’m o hree vacanc ossy. r t l convin for, when t more than l nice and g ings to h k l r o a o g t s n w i e e va t to tell to y’v rochur nt rele re se the becau ll, and the b of intellige h if you we intable. g r e c a k p i w n n h i u y w h pa lies 81 ir rhydd to t be ests, , the rep ‘ Trying under inter probably l l i T .

‘MOA Januar Free Wor now wn ld r o u e d t o t t N e w u p tb hunte ’ by ‘y 21 d’ No. tr uth, ! I feel a bi The-B r’ 1 the h ob-a-981, aarrg . a a a Job a A rriving start a

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A number of words, or a word on numbers? Anna Robinson pays homage to our number of the week...

T

he number 800 has been in existence since 800 AD and is the nation’s favourite number, as voted by the British public in a number poll conducted in 1888. It is commonly placed after the number 799 and precedes 801 which, incidentally, came bottom of the 1888 poll.

It is a number inherent with dayto-day life and is employed in many situations. An example might be: ‘Where is the Number 800 bus? It is always so goddamn late’.

Or perhaps you have heard it in the market square: ‘How much for 800 pieces of fresh halibut?’ It is even used in the legal jargon: ‘You are sentenced to 800 years imprisonment’.

There have been many famous 800s. Who could forget Little Bo Beep and her 800 sheep? Or the 800-year reign of Queen Vicky.

The world’s oldest dog, David the Shitzu celebrated his 800th Birthday this year and Elvis, the King, holds the world record of 800 top ten hits!

There have also been a few negative 800’s such as the 800 day hosepipe ban of July 1997 that massacred over 800 British lawns.

The 800 times table was withheld from primary schools globally, except in Latvia, due to an increase in mental breakdowns in five to ten year olds.

So, to celebrate the 800th issue of the gair rhydd perhaps you could pay tribute to the nations favourite number. I’m going to compile a list of my top 800 cheeses...what are you going to do?

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Letters

Page 10

November 21 2005

letters@gairrhydd.com

gair rhydd letters pages The sleigh bells are ringing and the Cardiff Christmas lights have been turned on. But I have an early present for you, A BUMPER LETTERS PAGE! They don’t come along often so now is the chance to make the most of it. A whole range of topics are covered, including charity organisations, terrorism, umbrellas, helpful friends and council tax. And once you’ve finished reading, you can use the extra paper to eat your dinner on or make a giant paper aeroplane. Enjoy. Menon.

Tiresome talk I READ with interest Xandria Horton’s Room 101 last week about The Faux-Polite Conversation (FPC), and have to agree with most of what she says.

However, I don’t think it’s anywhere near as irritating as The ConversationOn-The-Run - or COR. This is the ‘conversation’, if it can be called that, that follows usually after running into an old friend in town.

You’re both in a hurry, you can’t remember anything about the other person, least of all his or her name, and so you have nothing to say.

But it would be rude to ignore them, wouldn’t it? Yes, it would. So instead you say “Hi” as you walk past, thereby gaining the social upper hand.

They feel obligated to reply, so without turning, say “Hi” back. By this time you’ve already passed them but you still feel the need to ask about their health, to which they shout back “Fine, and you?”

Shit - now you have to reply, and you’re already so far away from them and still moving - that it looks to others as though you’re shouting politely at yourself.

But you do it anyway, and if you’re particularly unlucky, this dialogue can last up to several minutes, by which time one of you is in a lecture and the other is boarding a train to Swansea.

If you want to talk to someone walking in the opposite direction, stop them and do so. If you don’t, ignore them, or just acknowledge their presence with a casual nod. Or get their number.

Congratulations on all the awards, by the way.

text

Regards, Huw Davies

Council attax HI, I WANTED to write to you over some major problems I’m having over council tax payment.

To briefly explain my position I have just recently finished an English Literature degree at the University.

I decided to stay in the city a further year to earn some money. As many of my friends still had a year left to run on their course at the University, I moved into a property with them. There are nine of us living together, seven are students and one other person is in a similar position to me.

I was well aware that I would pay quite a lot of council tax but I was informed by my letting agency (Keylet) that I would receive a 25% discount from the council once it had been established that I was living in HMO (house of multiple occupants) with students.

I decided the best thing to do was wait until the seven students received their exemption forms before I set up payments for the tax.

I did not see why I should pay the full amount when I supposedly didn’t owe it all and I had only been living in the property two months even though they were charging me since July 1.

However, last Thursday we received a court summons stating we must pay almost £1200 before the 21st. When we went to the council building to seek advice it was established that no discount would in fact be available to me and my non-student housemate, even though the advisor had originally stated there was (she phoned another

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My m8 thinks he’s in!

I sincerely appologize for the comments about Laurens rat. She has informed me that you have to buy her a drink.

What would happen if i stood up and started masturbating in my lecture?

Duncan gouugh is a kiddie fiddler!

What do you do when you see a fit girl in engineering? Sober up!

Ben. Stop playing world of warcraft. You now have no soul.

The russian word for absinthe is chernobyl. nanowrimo! nanowrimo! nanowrimo!

Jason would rather go down on his mum than toss off his dad because he is straight.

Has anyone noticed that Gavin hamster Henson looks like Rachel Stevens?

department to discover her mistake.

Apparently legislation was introduced last year).

Obviously, this has caused me a lot of frustration. Keylet had misinformed us and I am now aware that a lot people in my situation also believed they would be entitled to a discount.

Bottom line, myself and the other person working in Cardiff must now pay the full amount in the next two weeks or we go to court.

I have only been working two months in a job that pays a little under £14,000 as a basic salary (a call centre in British Gas).

Morally, I think it is a grossly unfair ruling. It is as if my friend and I are paying as a married couple, living in a nine bedroom house where in fact I have a single room that costs £235 a month to rent.

I felt this needed to be brought to students’ attention particularly those who might decide to stay on in Cardiff after they complete their degree.

Matthew Bailey.

Geordie racist?

GEORDIE is a columnist, and is therefore expected to write opinion pieces. However his column, which makes a couple of disparaging remarks about the jingoistic right-wing press, would not look out of place in any of those papers.

‘The land’ which had a female monarch 450 years ago, certainly wasn’t the UK we know today and was under discussion in the article.

The Act of Union was not signed until 1707, before which Scotland and England existed as two countries.

Scotland had a Queen as long ago as 1286, when Queen Margaret ruled.

Of course, the Empress Matillda (It’s one ‘l’ actually smarty-pants - Ed.)

ruled over England in 1135, before Stephen laid claim to the throne and civil was ensued.

And the flag ‘representing two nations who despise one another coming together, succeeding together, as one.’

What flag? The Union Flag? I thought that represented the flags of N. Ireland, Scotland and England.

That’ll be three countries (or two countries and a province.) These are facts which Geordie is happy to ignore.

In all of this Geordie reveals to the world (or at least those who get as far as page seven in gair rhydd) that when he writes about Britain, he means England.

This is exactly the type of anglocentric view of Britain and British history that causes so many in Wales, Scotland and N. Ireland to despair.

And so we continue to Geordie’s appraisal of world cultures. Equating Israeli culture for Jewish culture is just plain wrong. There are plenty of Israeli Arabs who would never consider their culture to be Jewish.

Geordie then performs the lazy act of placing quotation marks around American ‘culture.’ It is truly the mark of the lazy English xenophobe to dismiss the entire cultural output of the USA in one fell swoop.

In just a few centuries the USA has produced writers, directors, artists, architects and philosophers whose works are amongst the very finest the world has ever seen.

Consider your reaction if Geordie had written Indian ‘culture’, Pakistani ‘culture’ or Iraqi ‘culture.’

Geordie’s attempt at extolling the virtues of Britain, fall flat on their face when his ignorance reveals him to be just the type of English crypto-bigot who really does want to live in the Land of Hope and Glory.

Brolly blindness NOW, HOW newsworthy my comments are is highly questionable, but I have become increasingly annoyed when walking to uni for two reasons.

One, umbrellas and two, which side of the pavement people choose to walk on.

Now I understand it rains a lot and everyone has their hair to think about, but it isnt umbrellas in themselves that annoy me, it is those people who hold the umbrella over their face thus not seeing where they are going and almost ripping my eye out when they suddenly move to side step a puddle.

Also in most buildings there is a system of walking on the left side of corridors which I apply to pavements.

However I find that people tend to walk near to the buildings and refuse to move so I end up swerving around to avoid them.

Now I may seem petty or as though I am over thinking this far too much, but it drives me mental and I may be forced to charge into either of the above offenders with no regard for the fact that I bruise like a peach.

Yours, Disgruntled second-year history student

Neil (PG Chemistry) UMBRELLAS: Rain of terror

Letters

November 21 2005

Page 11

letters@gairrhydd.com

letter of the week Error on terror As I read Piers Horner’s response to Mark, I was struck by his repetition of a number of fallacies about the current war on terror. I shall not address them all, as this is only a letter.

I shall only mention his use of the example of Northern Ireland (and Palestine, Israel, India, etc.) in showing we should negotiate with the terrorists.

The examples Horner quotes are good instances of the old sort of terrorism. However, they fail to take into account that we face something very different today.

TERROR: New school

Chill out Mark

IN RESPONSE to Mark, first, I want to make it clear that I only stated how hard it is to get a job here because most employers do NOT (or can’t be bothered to) get a work permit for an international student like me.

I’m NOT whining about living expenses either (as you’ve stated) ten grand an annum for me is for tuition fees ALONE. I honestly don’t think it’s fair, considering the amount a British citizen would pay. You see, I couldn’t have gone to a Sri Lankan university either, because from nursery to grade 12 I studied in an international school, in English medium, and did my London O/Ls and A/Ls back in Sri Lanka.

So I HAD to come to the UK to start my uni’ career. I had no choice. If you call Sri Lanka a shit-hole, did you know that we are in fact more developed than India? Then what do you call India?

So next time Mark, when you make a cuppa tea or put on a Durex condom, remember it just could be the tea or rubber from OUR country you might be using.

My sister is also in the UK, she did a MSc in Chemical Engineering at Imperial College and for now, is a manager at William Hill and she gets paid £20k per annum. At least she got a work permit from William Hill. But it’s gonna be much harder for me with only a BSc. I want to study further, but my finances are pretty exhausted.

Do you seriously think my parents would have planned-out how easy or hard it is for me to get a job in the UK while they were trying to put me to a good school when I was like five?!

Since we got our independence from the British in 1948, our country has been in a state of ethnic conflict. In fact, the British have brought Indian Tamils from South India to work in our tea plantations and soon the Sinhalese and Tamils divided and the inevitable racial conflict began.

Still the majority is Sinhalese, but most Tamils want an independent state.

The country has been peaceful for the past three or four years, but only a few days ago, a suicide-bomb jacket was discovered near the President’s house in Colombo.

Thankfully, my Mom and Step-dad have now moved to New Zealand, which is much more peaceful, and of course the living standards are great.

Enough arguing; chill out Mark, let’s all go to the pub and grab a beer!

From Kenny the Sri Lankan Kenneth Ranasinghe

Think about it!

I WOULD JUST like to point out how dangerous opinions can be with this quote from Mark’s response last week: ‘We can afford to spill blood for oil...’ Can we?

I saw no actual reasoning for this.

Maybe he meant, ‘We can afford to spill oil for blood’… or perhaps not.

Now I am neither agreeing nor disagreeing with the quote. My point is this; opinion stated as fact, with no foundations, can only lead to greaterconflict.

So when we are writing letters, I suggest that we keep in mind what we are actually trying to say - it is a tad similar to essay writing, which we have all done to some degree of success.

Otherwise, people get pissed off, blood/oil spills; the argument isn’t furthered.

Also, I don’t know why Mark’s oil paragraph came up, it does remind me of a certain Texan though: ‘We can liberate the oil and maybe help the Iraqis along the way!’ Or something like that.

Tobias First-year theology, history & history of ideas MENON SAYS: You make a good point here. Everyone should always think before they write. Oh, and I liked the Bush gag by the way.

Who’s the daddy?

HAVING FOLLOWED the debate between Mark (post-grad history) and others on the subject of terrorism, I would like to share a few thoughts: Every ‘terrorist’ group has its own roots. The IRA, the Chechens, the Kurdish PKK, the Tamil Tigers, the ANC, Hezbollah, the Shining Path, the Contras, the Irguns - to name but a few.

All born for different reasons: lack of civil rights; a wish for independence; to fight an invasion of their lands; to win a homeland; as pawns in a war fought by other powers.

Let's not forget the equal cruelties of official and unofficial State Terrorism. The difference between a suicide bomber on a London bus and a

missile exploding a car in a crowded Gaza street is one of semantics - the result in innocent lives lost is the same.

Regime change via a car bomb in Lebanon or a cooked-up invasion in Iraq costs more innocent lives. The difference - and here I will be controversial - is that, whereas the terrorist realises the value of the innocent lives they take (in fact, counts on it as a way of putting pressure on the enemy), the 'civilised' states regard the innocent lives they take as expendable, or sometimes as a political embarrassment.

"We don't do body counts", said Colin Powell.

Remember Madeleine Albright declaring that the deaths of half a million Iraqi children as a result of sanctions was “a price worth paying” to keep one tin-pot dictator “in his box”?

If bin Laden had expressed similar sentiments regarding the number of lives to be sacrificed in order to drive the Western powers from the Middle East - what would have been said?

Compare and contrast...

If it is good enough for democratic governments to say: "You can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs." Why is the attitude so terrible when terrorists take that view? These terrorists are just like us! We wish to lash out at things: so do they.

Everything's a retaliation for something!

There is serious hypocrisy in international politics. We here in Wales are not the obvious victims of it, so what we see as ‘mindless violence’ shocks us.

After all, how many of us find something so compelling, so hateful, so important in our lives that we would willingly sacrifice ourselves to do something to change it; or how many of us would feel so worthless that we could be persuaded to strap explosives to ourselves in order to say: ‘In life you treated me as nothing - less than nothing - in death I will make you know me! I will visit my misery upon you who gave it to me?’

If we are not informed enough to empathise then we have no right to judge.

Terrorism is a tactic to achieve an end. When we make serious efforts to address the roots of these conflicts we will make serious progress in eliminating the terrorism.

The ‘War on Terror’ is nothing but the strong attempting to protect their ‘interests’ overseas. This is what hap-

These were movements for national liberation. They had a clearly defined, limited objective, namely to secure freedom for a people in a defined area. To negotiate, concessions can be made, and movement towards civil rights/independence made.

Bin Laden’s objectives are far more extensive. He aims at nothing less than the creation of a panIslamic state, with himself as Caliph (successor to the Prophet), its aim the total subjection of the World to Islam (this information is freely available).

Remember, it was the terrorists who attacked the West, not the other way around. Negotiation pens all around the globe. The boot just happens to be on the other foot and people have to lead lives of misery and degradation because of it.

Whilst the strong can strike with impunity and make up justifications based on the well-established interplay of spin with public apathy, the terrorist is merely visiting some of that feeling of vulnerability back to us.

Like Piers Horner, I don't believe there is a war against Islam: It is just coincidence that the West's oil interests lie in a predominantly Muslim region along with some of the more blatant examples of double-standards.

Similarly, I don't believe that bin Laden and his ilk hate us for ‘our democracy and freedoms’ and wish to destroy us willy-nilly.

We are fed that line because to acknowledge that they may have any genuine grievance and that our conduct could be at the root of it is unacceptable to us.

That is not to say, after all of this, that I condone killing the innocent, no matter what the provocation. What I do say, however, is that evil is evil no matter who does the deed, or is behind the doer of the deed, or in whatever name the deed is done.

text

would mean nothing less than the sacrifice of the freedom of millions of people forever. We cannot allow that, for when freedom is diminished, we are all diminished.

To go to war and to fight, is a terrible thing. But to surrender liberty, especially the liberty of others, is more terrible still.

To quote La Passionara: “It is better to die on our feet than to live on our knees.” We cannot give in to these terrorists, and surrender the people of ‘a far-off country of which we know nothing’ to a lifetime of slavery and suffering.

Yours sincerely, Gerard Charmley.

The world reaps what it sows: to simplify a phenomenon like terrorism is to bury your head in the sand. It won't go away by doing that.

Yours, Piers' Dad.

Heroic Helen

I WOULD LIKE to thank a medical student, Helen, who helped me on Saturday.

I fainted at a friend’s party and banged my head. She went with me to the hospital and we had to wait for 2 hours.

My parents and myself are very grateful for the kindness that Helen showed me.

I’m sure there are many others things she would rather have been doing on a Saturday night!

Yours, Juliet Heath

Please email letters to

letters@gairrhydd.com Please note that the views expressed in these letters are not neccessarily the views of Letters Desk, Cardiff University Students’ Union or gair rhydd.

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Beware the phantom hall of shame photographer! He’s out there waitin for u to slip!

Come on u rip-roarin goalscorin bawcunts!

I can’t believe im stuck in the lift in engin! 11 of us.

Who won world war one?

Who was involved?

Kate is a stupid head.

Good evening friend brownie, how are you

this evening, lets dance in a circle and pass on....

Mink? Explain?

Whats all this mallarky about mink i’ve been hearing about?

Golden rule no 1, never date a housemate.

Well... rules are made to be broken ;-) Jason says most bin men come from council estates.

Comment

November 21 2005

Page 13

geordie@gairrhydd.com

The chewing gum on the shoe of opinion

Freedom of inebriation

Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case: coincidence? Yes, probably

S

oon pubs will be able to stay open for 24 hours and, if the scaremongers are to be believed, the entire fabric of society will be torn by a binge drinking epidemic and ASBO-magnets fighting outside the pub. Or not.

For starters, ‘binge drinking’ isn’t a valid measure of alcohol consumption. For men, four pints of normal beer in a day is classified a binge.

That’s not a binge, it’s a night in the pub after work. Or, for us at gair rhydd, a night up in the office. If four pints is a binge then we’re all certifiable alcoholics.

The assumption that longer opening hours will automatically lead to a linear increase in general drunkenness and its associated ills is a wrong one.

There are the obvious (and questionable) rebuttals that opening later will eliminate the scramble for the bar at last orders – to which at some point most of us have succumbed – and if pubs/clubs are closing at different times then there isn’t the spill onto the streets and potential for trouble as is currently the case.

There’s more: I can only speak for myself and my close friends here, but staying out later has never, in and of itself, meant getting more pissed.

We’ve often stayed out later for the purpose of drinking more, but have not drank more as a result of staying out later.

In fact, a recent house party, at which the last people to leave did so at five in the morning, was a relatively calm affair. Merriment abounded, but there were no fights, and no song for Europe (euphemism: work it out…). I’ve no idea whether assumptions derived from private-party behaviour can be applied to a city centre, but this evidence certainly suggests that more time in which to drink doesn’t automatically lead to the arrival of a police van and a night in

2 G ✑

The stuff I couldn’t elaborate on

So you thought Afghanistan was a war won, right?

Wrong.

The US decision to begin to remove their military presence probably convinced most people that the objectives of Operation Enduring Freedom (though where exactly is anyone’s guess) had been achieved.

But coalition troops came under fire from Taliban remnants just last week. And we’re staying.

And we’re sending more troops to cover the Americans’ departure, most of whom have probably recently served in Iraq.

the cells.

Of course, if that party had been in a house called the Red Lion (substitute preferred pub name cliché) and we’d been charging for drinks instead of buying in a crate of lager and giving it to our friends, we would’ve had

to have kicked them out by half past eleven.

If businesses are treated as persons by the law, then the principle decision of closing time should be down to the landlord. It seems that New Labour might actually realise the issue of per-

sonal freedoms in this case; in a complete reversal of their recent trend of taking them away, they’re giving us some for a change. Maybe our Lord and Master (sorry, I can’t bring myself to use his name anymore) thinks that we might be less concerned about ID cards and anti-terror legislation if we can get tanked up all day every day.

The only reason I should have to leave a dancefloor is because I look like a total idiot

PUB: Won’t be a scene of carnage unless there’s actually a bear Now, I don’t want to question Defence Secretary John Reid’s ability to do his job, but I’m going to do it anyway: the British Army is not the colossus it once was. We can’t fight with such an overstretched army. You might say that getting involved in Iraq was a bit silly.

They also included, several pages in, a cartoon in which ‘Burkah Barbie’ is asking where Ken is. He’s behind her, suicide-bombing the toy shop.

Hmm, tasteful.

It almost makes the Sunday Mirror’s headline look acceptable: ‘Huntley Goes Gay’. Oh dear.

✎

✑

The Daily Star may not be noted for their sensitivity, but this week they were really taking the piss.

They ran a front page story with the headline ‘Putting the FUN into FUNdamentalism’, about a Barbietype doll in full Islamic dress - the kind of role-model conservative Muslims would like their children to have.

The US won it’s battle to keep its position of control of the internet after attempts to pass control to the UN. Letting self-serving American corporations dominate global information might not be ideal, but it beats the hell out of letting such bastions of free speech as Saudi Arabia and China having a large stake.

The Chinese Government has

Temporarily ignoring public houses in residential areas, where residents can block a licence extension if there is evidence there will be a significant increase in nocturnal noise, forcing businesses to close at a certain time is the worst case of nanny-stateism.

Actually, the worst case of nannystateism is probably the banning of Irn-Bru in the US, but you get my point.

The only reason I should have to leave a perfectly good debate in the pub is because the landlord and staff want to go home. Or because I’m losing. The only reason I should have to leave a dancefloor is because I can’t dance and look like a total bloody idiot. I shouldn’t have to do either just because the law says I should be out of the pub by half eleven and tucked up in bed by midnight.

Now, thanks to the Government’s remarkable decision to pass legislation that doesn’t leave me fuming, I can have heated arguments in the pub for much longer, or dance like a fool late into the night.

Unless the ASBO-magnets ruin it for everyone. installed what is known in the rest of the world as the Great Firewall of China and strictly controls what information is available.

This means that Chinese internet users cannot access the BBC website, but can get onto the Sun Online (interestingly, I originally typed “the Sun Onlie”, which is probably more accurate).

So they can’t get any real news, but they’ll know more than they ever thought possible about Abi Titmuss’s sex life.

I’d hate to think people formed their opinion of the UK exclusively from what the Sun have to say.

✎

In addition, ID cards are a bad idea.

TRADE ME FREELY

T

he widely-reported story of the Lithuanian prostitute forced to work in a local Cardiff brothel is at once horrifically shocking and totally unsurprising. McCoy’s Agency claims they only employ “attractive and personable young ladies who are intent on giving each and every customer a memorable experience.” Oddly, they say nothing of women being shipped in from eastern Europe, systematically raped, threatened with death and kept in near-slavery.

Men are the weaker sex; women pay for it. There will always be amoral opportunists willing to take advantage of a situation without consideration for other people involved. And the absurd rules on the movement of people between countries make modern-day slavery to the sex industry an inevitability.

Businesses are free to move money and jobs between countries (phoned a call-centre recently?

Chances are it’s in Delhi) but people are not free to move to another country to seek a better life. There will always be people willing to take a risk to move abroad in search of a job. And there will always be people ready to abuse their trust.

Phoned a callcentre recently?

Chances are it’s in Delhi Politicians and the generally opinionated (ahem) can argue about free trade or fair trade until they’re red in the face (or blue, if you’re that way inclined), but socio-economic justice is most dependent on the freedom of people to live and work in the country of their choosing, rather than the one in which they happened to be born.

Possibly the biggest mistake in the creation of the British Commonwealth from the ashes of the Empire was not formulating some agreement on freedom of movement between member countries. Luckily, this is being recreated closer to home in the guise of the EU, which will hopefully serve as a social model for the rest of the world. This makes Turkish accession even more important, as the Union’s methods will be seen to apply to those not traditionally considered ‘European’. Even in Israel, over 70% of the population believes that the Jewish state should seek EU membership, though they have rather a lot of work to do to qualify.

Most of the EU’s detractors’ major objection is the endless bureaucracy and red tape. Maybe they have a point. But it could be the best hope we have.

Media

Page 14

November 21 2005

media@gairrhydd.com

Da language of kid’s TV Is television responsible for influencing children’s grammar? Media looks the educational content of programming on television.

By Lucie Apampa Media Reporter

T

he English language is changing. Whether it be the onslaught of Americanisms into our vocabulary, or the integration of ‘text language’ into everyday conversation, it is clear that the Queen’s English is certainly not the norm anymore.

This is reflected in the media, with television and radio – especially in children’s programmes - offering its viewers a wide and colourful array of the many different accents and dialects that make up Great Britain. This more pluralistic and all-encompassing approach to language in the public domain has been generally accepted by most, who feel that a media that represents the experiences and sounds of viewers from more than one region can only be beneficial to children in a society that seems to be becoming increasingly divisive.

However, there are still those who feel that glottalisation has no place on our screens, and that the re-establishment of ‘proper English’ into dominance in broadcasting would be advantageous to the grammatical sensibilities of young and impressionable minds.

Bungalow blues Concerns over the lack of careful grammar in children’s television prompted a Government commissioned report into the state of language in CBBC programmes, in which the popular Dick and Dom in da Bungalow came under particular fire.

Professor Patrick Barwise of the

London Business School, who carried out the report, found extensive use of ‘ain’t’ as well as other objectionable ‘errors’ in various shows on the children’s television channel, and criticised some ‘humiliating’ features within Dick and Dom in da Bungalow.

In response to the report’s findings, Alison Sharman, the controller of the CBBC channel promised to "keep a close watch on the use of bad grammar". Richard McCourt and Dominic Wood (Dick and Dom) have defended themselves by pointing out that their show is "about escapism". They also cited weekday programmes such as Blue Peter as holding and maintaining the responsibility of providing educational content for young viewers.

This isn’t the first time that the popular Saturday morning presenters, who are nominated for two BAFTAs this year, have been in trouble over the content of their programme. They received a reprimand from official watchdog OFCOM earlier this year, after concerned mums complained about a Tshirt that bore a sexual slogan being worn.

Having won the children’s BAFTAs for Best Entertainment Show and Best Presenter last year, it seems unlikely that grammar concerns will lessen the chances of their show, which has achieved the laudable task of overtaking ITV in the traditional children’s Saturday-morning slot.

With ever-increasing licence fee proposals being badly-received, it is programmes like Dick and Dom in da Bungalow, as a part of CBBC, that give the BBC – arguably – its most legitimate deal broker. An exceptionally rare 91% of CBBC programmes are

MEDIA in brief A bad week for editors

DICK AND DOM : They’re all about escapism ‘homegrown’. When the corporation is facing allegations of becoming increasingly commercial and competitive, it’s facts such as these which support its place in public service broadcasting. Seen as a corporation that can provide original and valuable programming, rather than carbon copies of ITV and Channel 4 shows.

It is presumable that the BBC’s Chairman Michael Grade will take seriously his duty to avoid any more new children’s programming that might attract further criticism.

Although no fundamental changes have been proposed, Grade has been quoted saying: "The real test of any organisation is how it deals with complaints."

It seems highly unlikely that viewers could witness a grammatical revolution within the CBBC, though, if this was to be the case, whether or not parents would witness changes in their children’s vocabulary remains an unanswered and perhaps, over-simplistic question.

Social ills?

Mass media has long faced the blame for social ills, be they increasing violence, obesity or poor language skills. Professor Barwise, admittedly, did not accuse any CBBC programmes of the latter, but this is clearly the implicit implication in his criticism.

And with four out of ten children not reaching the expected level of literacy in reading and writing, the media once again, becomes an easy target.

There is no evidence however, to directly link this finding to the kind of language that is used in popular children’s programmes. We see the influence of popular television vernacular in the adoption of catch-phrases, such as ‘I want that one’ from Little Britain almost bi-weekly, but these influences are conscious, and therefore call for a very different focus to that of unconscious influence that may affect a person’s normal conversation in far subtler ways.

There are a multitude of classic studies documenting the effects of the media on child viewers, most commonly concerning the rather more worrying cases of media-related violence.

Celebrated psychologists such as Albert Bandura and Leonard Berkowitz have showed fairly strong correlational links between the viewing of violence, and aggressive personalities. However one of the main criticisms that they have faced in these findings has been that of the possibility of ‘reverse causality’, meaning that perhaps it is because of their aggressive personalities that children choose to watch programmes with high violent content, rather than the other way round.

This argument can also be generalised to the debate about the effects of language in children’s television.

Piers Morgan, ex-editor of the Daily Mirror, has been subject of much discussion this week after a court was told in-house lawyers ‘put pressure’ on a journalist to protect him.

Mr Morgan had bought shares in a company called Viglen, which the next day was featured in the Mirror, having doubled its share prices. Mr Morgan was later cleared of any wrong doing by the Department of Trade and Industry.

James Hipwell, who formerly co- wrote the Mirror’s City Slickers column is reported in the Guardian Unlimited , as telling the court : "In reality he believed Mr Morgan had seen the article before it was published" and that he needed to "help Piers Morgan because he was in trouble."

James Hipwell and another man are in court charged with breaching the Financial Services Act in regards to share tips. Both men deny the charges against them. Mr Hipwell is accused of creating a misleading impression of the value of investments in his Mirror column.

The news comes after a week of headlines about Sun editor Rebekah Wade, who arrested for a ‘silly row that got out of hand’ was held for eight hours by police as Ross Kemp had suffered a cut to the mouth, Wade was later released without charge.

Fellow editor Andrew Gowers stepped down from the Financial Times earlier this month, following "strategic differences".

Particularly in ‘urban’ children’s programmes, such as Kerching!

Programme makers are trying to reflect real experiences of children, so if the majority of kids aren’t using good grammar – perfect sentence structure, then perhaps it is irrelevant to have child characters speaking in such a way.

Descriptivist theorists don’t see any language as correct or incorrect.

Rather, they feel that the employment of language that describes most effectively, should be the defining point in good communication.

Perhaps the government should consider this school of thought when they criticise the content of programmes aimed at a generation whose entire meaning and value systems might be completely alien to them. For if the content of children’s programmes were to prescribe to the sensitivities of middle-class, middle-aged men, then those to whom they are actually aimed at may themselves, become alienated.

Health

November 21 2005

Page 15

health@gairrhydd.com

TIPS FROM THE TOP This week, we get out on the streets and ask you how you keep yourselves healthy and then spread the wealth around...

T

his week we decided to do a list of our top health tips to keep you, our lovely readers, in top condition.

We want to advise you as to how to keep fit and well so that you will be fully equipped to deal with all those assessments, winter colds and Christmas stress that are bearing down on us. So to celebrate issue 800 of gair rhydd, we’ve asked our readers what they think is the most important health advice for students.

Read on to find out what Cardiff ’s finest has to offer.....

“Eat less meat as it can be too fatty; eat more greens instead!”

Vicky Cole, First Year Geology

KNOWS BEST:

More homegrown advice

By Vanessa Roche Health Editor

Katie Mahoney, Second Year Law

S

“If you head out for a heavy night of drinking, make sure you eat something on the way home. I know that eating before you go to bed is not usually recommended but you really should if you have had a bit too much. Food will begin to soak up the alcohol and minimise the hangover the next day.

Downing a pint of water before you go to bed is also highly recommended as it will stop you getting too dehydrated.

Also, try and exercise for at least thirty minutes three times a week - a happy body usually leads to a happy and destressed mind”.

Susan Golaszewski, secondyear business studies

Vanessa Roche, Health Editor

EAT ME: Have a banana....

Lucinda Russo, first-year law

“Running helps clear your mind and is great exercise”

“One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milk shake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and rehydrates your system.”

Rachel Witham, first-year architecture

Kiri Dyer, second-year medicine

“Thousands of people in the UK suffer from anxiety and confidence issues. If you are suffering from anxiety, particularly social anxiety, it can make it really difficult to do simple things like speaking in seminars or talking to people you don’t know. The BBC website has got some really good resources for dealing with anxiety and confidence issues and has some online workshops that really help with self-confidence. If you keep letting anxiety rule your life then you’ll miss out on some great opportunities, so don’t let it hold you back .”

Jess Anderson, third-year journalism “Exercise more around exam time.

Working out at the gym, going swimming or just walking more will use up the adrenaline that causes stress, so you won’t be so anxious about exams or essay deadlines. Avoiding caffeine around this time also helpsit might keep you alert but will also turn you into a nervous wreck.”

MOTHER

Ben Gretton, UWIC, Art and Aesthetics, Year Three

“Vinegar in the hair makes it really shiny, but it smells a little. Cammomile tea works well on blonde hair- if you rinse with it after washing it brings out highlights naturally.Toothpaste on spots is meant to be good as it dries out the spot and reduces inflammation”

“For sore eyes, my Dad's family has always recommended soaking a cotton wool ball in luke-warm milk and resting it on your eyes.”

“You could use the old ‘eat five fruit and veg a day’ one - although it has been proven that eating more than three does not increase the benefit nutritonists just say five because people are more likely to eat three if you tell them to eat five”.

“Coffee is not a good breakfast food.

Try to eat something before you leave the house”

“Smile!!!”

Wend Tedder, first-year law

Bec Storey, third-year journalism “For every hour that you work, make sure that you take a 15 minute break”.

“Eat the right foods for the right moods”

NEXT WEEK...

“If you’re planning a heavy night out, try to stick to clear drinks (such as white wine or vodka and mixers) as they are generally purer forms of alcohol and won’t give you a nasty headache the morning after like red wine or whisky will. Try not to mix your drinks eitherdrinking wine and then moving on to beer is possibly the worst combination of drinks and will make you feel awful the next day.

Try and eat something, even if it is chips or a kebab, after a night on the lash as this will go some way to soaking up all the alcohol still in your system.

Banana smoothies or honey on toast will make you feel slightly more human the next day, as well as rehydration salts (available from chemists) which will go some way to replacing all those salts that you lose through drinking.”

Laura Murphy, Deputy Health Editor

Tom Austin Morgan, student, High Wycombe

Neville D’Souza, first-year journalism

CHIPS: Trust us

“If you are prescribed anti-depressants for whatever reason, keep taking them even if they seem to be having no effect. Some brands can take several months to have an effect. If you have any concerns you should discuss them with your doctor. In the meantime, exercise more and try to stick to a routine that keeps you busy and active.”

Anna White, first-year photography associate

cientists have, infuriatingly, proven that your mother really was right when she told you to ‘wrap up warm’.

Staff in the Common Cold Centre here at Cardiff University say that there is a definite link between getting cold and catching a cold.

The research took place between October and March - the peak period for the common cold. Researchers took 180 volunteers and asked half of them to keep their bare feet in ice cold water for 20 minutes. They then tracked the progress of these brave volunteers and discovered that 29% developed a cold within the first five days. Only 9% of the people in the control group, that were not exposed to icy water, caught a cold in that time.

Professor Ronald Eccles says, “when colds are circulating in the community, many people are mildly infected but show no symptoms. If they become chilled, this causes a pronounced constriction of the blood vessels in the nose and shuts off the warm blood that supplies the white cells that fight infection”.

The findings were published in the medical journal ‘Family Practice’, which says that the reason that the common cold may be more prevalent during the season may be due to increased incidence of being exposed to chills.

However Professor Eccles maintains that it is all down to what we do with our noses. “When the cold weather comes, we wrap ourselves up in winter coats to keep warm, but our nose is directly exposed to cold air.

Cooling of the nose slows down clearance of viruses from the nose and slows down the white cells that fight infection. Mothers can now be confident in their advice to wrap up well in winter”.

So, that is some wise advice to us all - make sure your nose is covered and you are less likely to catch the common cold. Now where did I put that knitted nose-warmer...?

The Common Cold Centre at Cardiff University is the world’s only centre dedicated to researching aand testing new treatments for the flu and the common cold.

Go Team!

We observe World Aids Day (December 1) and look at all the issues connected with it, such as how it is transmitted and how it can be treated.

Taf-Od

Tud 16

Tachwedd 21 2005

tafod@gairrhydd.com

Statws i’r Gymraeg yn Ewrop?

Gan Kathryn Harries Golygydd Taf-Od MAE YMGYRCH i gydnabod y Gymraeg fel iaith swyddogol yn yr Undeb Ewropeaidd wedi cael hwb cadarnhaol.

Dan gytundeb newydd bydd gan ieithoedd lleiafrifol Sbaen statws swyddogol yn yr Undeb Ewropeaid. O ganlyniad, gall gweinidogion ddefnyddio ieithoedd lleiafrifol Sbaen, sef y Gatalaneg, y Fasgeg a’r Galiseg mewn cyfarfodydd ac yng ngohebiaeth yr Undeb Ewropeaidd, os ydyn nhw’n dymuno gwneud hynny. Gobeithir nawr y bydd y Gymraeg yn ennill yr un hawliau cyn bo hir.

Cynhaliwyd y cyfarfod i godi statws ieithoedd Sbaen ym Mrwsel ar 9 Hydref, ac roedd Ysgrifennydd Tramor Prydain, Jack Straw, yn bresennol.

Arwyddodd Mr Straw ddogfen a oedd yn galluogi’r defnydd o ieithoedd Sbaen mewn cyfarfodydd a oedd yn cwblhau’r cytundeb.

Mae rheolau’r undeb nawr yn rhoi hawl i ddinasyddion Sbaen, sy’n siarad y tair iaith swyddogol newydd, gyfathrebu trwy gyfrwng eu hiaith eu hunain. Bydd cyfieithiad ar gael ar gyfer unrhyw un sydd ei angen yng nghyfarfodydd yr undeb.

Ond mae’r hawl sydd gan wleidyddion Sbaen i ohebu yn eu mamiaith yn gyfyngedig i adrannau penodol o fewn yr undeb.

Disgwylir cytundeb ychwanegol yn y flwyddyn newydd, un bydd yn

A chaiff y Gymraeg yr un statws yn yr Undeb Ewropeaidd â ieithoedd lleiafrifol Sbaen? adeiladu ar y cyntaf ac yn ehangu defnydd ieithoedd lleiafrifol Sbaen i gyfarfodydd Senedd Ewrop.

Mae aelodau Plaid Cymru eisiau dilyn datblygiadau ieithoedd Sbaen a sicrhau yr un llwyddiant i’r Gymraeg yn yr Undeb Ewropeaidd.

Yn ôl Jill Evans, Aelod Plaid Cymru yn Senedd Ewrop, mae ‘cyfnod newydd yn nhrefn iaith yr Undeb Ewropeaidd,’ sy’n rhoi cyfle addas i greu statws swyddogol i’r Gymraeg ym

maes gwleidyddiaeth Ewrop.

‘Does dim un esgus nawr,’ ychwanegodd, ‘i fethu â sicrhau, heb oedi, yr un statws i’r Gymraeg â’r Gatalaneg, y Fasgeg a Galiseg.’

Dengys y cytundeb â Sbaen bod creu statws swyddogol i’r Gymraeg yn bosib, ac y dylai gwleidyddion Cymru ddilyn camre Sbaen wrth wella statws y Gymraeg ledled Ewrop.

Mae Jill Evans yn canolbwyntio ar fanteision defnyddio’r Gymraeg fel

iaith swyddogol yr undeb.

‘Byddai rhoi statws uwch i’r Gymraeg yn Ewrop nid yn unig yn cynnig manteision ymarferol i siaradwyr Cymraeg,’ meddai, ‘byddai hefyd yn dod â manteision economaidd i’r diwydiant cyfiethu.’

Byddai rhoi statws i’r Gymraeg yn Ewrop o fantais i Gymru gyfan trwy ddarparu pwyslais ychwanegol ar gyfieithu.

Mae Plaid Cymru wedi ymgyrchu

am gyfnod hir i benodi’r Gymraeg yn iaith swyddogol yr Undeb Ewropeaidd.

Yn ôl rheolau, a gyflwynwyd fis Hydref y llynedd, gall aelodau’r undeb siarad Cymraeg mewn cyfarfodydd gwleidyddol ond ni chaiff eu hareithiau eu cyfieithu.

Jill Evans, sy’n arwain yr ymgyrch i dderbyn y Gymraeg fel iaith swyddogol, oedd y cyntaf i siarad Cymraeg yn gyfreithiol yn un o drafodaethau’r undeb flwyddyn yn ôl. Dywedodd yn ystod y cyfarfod, ‘Nid oes ffordd well i gyfathrebu â phobl nag yn eu hieithoedd eu hun.’

Ond, nid oedd ganddi’r hawl i’w haraith gael ei chyfieithu felly y gallai pawb yn y cyfarfod ddeall ei phwyntiau. Er hynny, yr oedd defnydd o’r Gymraeg mewn cyfarfod gwleidyddol yn gam mawr ymlaen i ennill statws ar gyfer y Gymraeg fel iaith wleidyddol swyddogol.

Mae Plaid Cymru nawr eisiau adeiladu ar ddatblygiadau’r llynedd.

Mae’n ymgyrchu am newid yn y rheolau ynglyn â defnydd y Gymraeg yn Ewrop ac yn dymuno, lle y mae’n ofynnol, darpariaeth ar gyfer cyfieithiadau o’r Gymraeg i ieithoedd eraill yr Undeb Ewropeaidd.

Geilw ar siaradwyr Cymraeg i ddefnyddio’i mamiaith ym mhob mater y llywodraeth yn Ewrop. Os bydd Plaid Cymru yn llwyddiannus yn ei hymgais i ennill statws swyddogol i’r Gymraeg yn yr undeb, byddai’r iaith yn cael ei defnyddio mewn gweithgarwch a chyfarfodydd gwleidyddol ledled Ewrop.

Taf-Od

Tachwedd 21 2005

Tud 19

tafod@gairrhydd.com

TOST, TE A BYWYD TRAGWYDDOL

By Lowri Jones Golygydd Taf-Od PENWYTHNOS DIWETHAF fe ddaeth cyfle arall i cyfyrwyr prifysgolion Cymru gwrdd ar gyfer y ddawns rhyng-golegol, un o uchafbwyntiau cymdeithasol y tymor.

Nos Sadwrn cynhaliwyd gig fawr yn Undeb Myfyrwyr Aberystwyth lle gwelwyd artistiaid fel Mim Twm Llai a The Poppies, ‘un o fandiau indi gorau’r sîn Gymraeg’, yn diddanu’r dorf.

Roedd yn gyfle i fwynhau a chymdeithasu gyda cyd-fyfyrwyr, cyfle i anghofio pwysau gwaith, ac i anghofio siom gêm rygbi’r prynhawn.

Ond ynghyd â’r rhai aeth i fyny i Aber oedd aelodau o Undebau Cristnogol prifysgolion Cymru, yn cynnwys

Undeb Gristnogol Cymraeg Caerdydd.

Felly beth oedd grwp o Gristnogion yn gwneud yn Aberystwyth nos Sadwrn? Os oeddech chi’n un o’r rhai oedd yn gadael y gig yn ystod yr oriau mân, efallai eich bod wedi sylwi arnynt yn cynnig tost a the i’r myfyrwyr yn ogystal â darparu pamffledi i’r rhai oedd yn dangos diddordeb.

Roedd cynnig tost a the yn ffordd i ni fel Cristnogion ddangos cariad at y rhai o’n cwmpas, yr un cariad a mae Iesu Grist wedi dangos i ni yn y lle cyntaf trwy farw drosom. Ym marwolaeth Iesu Grist mae yna wahoddiad i bawb gael bywyd newydd, bywyd yn rhydd o bechod, yn ogystal â chael perthynas gyda Duw. Roedd y penwythnos diwethaf yn gyfle i Gristnogion gynnig cymorth

trwy luniaeth, ond hefyd gynnig rhywbeth mwy, sef y gwahoddiad i ddod i adnabod Iesu Grist. Y cwestiwn yw, fedrwn ni anwybyddu’r gwahoddiad yma?

Yn ôl y Beibl, Iesu Grist yw’r unig ffordd i ddod i adnabod Duw. Dyma a ddywedodd Crist ei hun. Fel dywedodd C. S. Lewis, mae’r dyn sy’n honni hyn naill ai’n wallgofddyn, neu yn dweud y gwir. Does dim opsiwn arall. Felly yr her i ni heddiw yw i ystyried geiriau Iesu. Os yw’r hyn mae e’n honni’n wir, ac mai fe yw Mab Duw, a fedrwn ni fforddio ei anwybyddu?

Mae derbyn tost a the am ddim yn un peth, ond dwi’n sicr fod y cynnig i dderbyn bywyd tragwyddol am ddim trwy Grist yn fargen llawer iawn gwell.

Yr Undeb Gristnogol yn cynnig tost a the i’r myfyrwyr yn y Ddawns Ryng-golegol eleni eto

Adolygiad Gig: Adolygiad CD: BOB, ‘Defaid’ Huw Chiswell a Caryl Parry Jones Gan Rhys Tudur Gohebydd Taf-Od

Gan Lois Dafydd Golygydd Taf-Od Ar y 3ydd o Dachwedd cynhaliwyd ail noson ‘Acwstorama’ Clwb Ifor Bach, yng nghwmni Al Lewis, Huw Chiswell a Caryl Parry Jones.

Fel mae enw’r noson yn ei awgrymu, gig acwstig oedd hon. Ond yn wahanol i gigiau arferol Clwb, roedd hon ar y llawr isaf. I’r rheini sydd wedi bod i Glwb Ifor Bach ar nos Sadwrn, mae’n anodd ei ddychmygu’n lleoliad delfrydol ar gyfer gig.

Ond mae’r llawr wedi cael gwedd newidiad, a nawr yn lleoliad perffaith ar gyfer noson o’r fath, credwch neu beidio!

Al Lewis oedd yn agor y noson, ac fel nifer o artistiaid poblogaidd cerddoriaeth Gymraeg gyfoes, yn un dyn a’i gitâr. Ond yn wahanol i’r dynion eraill â’u gitâr, ro’n o’n teimlo bod mwy o fywyd yng ngherddoriaeth Al Lewis – efallai mai’r faith fod dyn arall a’i gitâr yn chwarae gydag ef oedd yn gyfrifol am hynny!

Yn bersonol, ddim y math yma o gerddoriaeth sy fel arfer yn mynd â mryd i gan bod tuedd i ormod ohoni fynd braidd yn undonnog. Ond nes i

wirioneddol fwynhau’r perfformiad, yn gymysgedd o ganeuon hamddenol a chaneuon ag ychydig mwy o fynd iddyn nhw.

Huw Chiswell a Caryl Parry Jones oedd uchafbwynt y noson, a phawb yn disgwyl yn eiddgar. Ro’dd cydweithio’n amlwg rhwng y ddau, a go brin fod unrhyw un wedi ei siomi gan y perfformiad a oedd yn gymysgedd o’r hen a’r newydd, o ganeuon Caryl a chaneuon Chis.

Fel ddywedodd Caryl, ro’dd rhai o’r caneuon yn hyn na sawl aelod o’r gynulleidfa, ond doedd hynny’n poeni dim ar neb, a phawb yn cydganu!

Ymhlith y ffefrynnau oedd ‘Chwarae’n Troi’n Chwerw’, ‘Y Cwm’, ‘Space Invaders’ ac ‘I be?’

Ond mae’n amlwg mae’r gân gafodd yr ymateb gorau o’dd y ddeuawd a ganodd y ddau yn y ffilm ‘Ibiza Ibiza’ 20 mlynedd yn ôl! Ro’dd pawb wrth eu bodd yn cael bod yn dyst i hyn, ac ro’dd llais y ddau’n dal i fod yn drawiadol.

Fersiwn ysgafn o ‘Parti’r Ysbrydion’ oedd i gloi’r noson, a rhai wedi codi i ddawnsio erbyn hyn – peth prin iawn mewn gigiau acwstig.

Diweddglo perffaith i noson i’w chofio!

Huw Chiswell yn canu hen ffefrynnau yng Nghlwb Ifor Bach

Rhyfadd de!? Band o'r enw BOB, enw person! Anyway, tair cân ar sydd ar yr albym byr yma.

Mae'r albym yn dechrau gyda'r gân 'Defaid', sy'n enghraifft wych o swn nodweddiadol roc caled BOB. Heb os nac oni bai hon ydy'r gan gryfa' ar y cryno ddisg, gyda melodi a chytgan heintus ac unawdau gitâr sy'n dangos gallu y gitarydd.

Syndod oedd darganfod nad cân serch oedd hi, yn enwedig gan fod y band yn dod o Benllyn!

Mae'r ail gân, 'Gwobr', ychydig yn fwy caled o rhan swn na'r gyntaf, ac mae'r gân fel petai'n cael ei gyrru mlaen gan swn cras y gitâr.

Mae'r drydedd gân, 'Celwydd Golau Dydd', ychydig yn ddistawach ac yn

dechrau'n dyner a bregus. Mae’r gân yn tyfu tuag at y diwedd ac yn gorffen gyda diweddglo bywiog a swnllyd.

Gwendid y gân yma yw ei bod hi'n teimlo fel petai hi'n mynd ymlaen am byth! Yn ogystal â hyn, dydi'r geiriau ddim fel petaent yn gweddu, ac maent yn sefyll yn anghyffyrddus ar ben y miwsig.

Sengl cyntaf y band BOB

Efallai y dylai hogia BOB gadw at yr hyn ma nhw'n ei neud orau, sef roc caled... a defaid!

Dwin rhoi *** allan o Tebyg i: ! Green Day ! Killers ! Y Cyrff

*****

Free Stuff

Page 18

November 21 2005

competitions@gairrhydd.com

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

Travel New Zealand

A

s the rain beats down in Cardiff and your lecturers drone on, you might be finding that life at uni is just getting that little bit too ‘normal.’ While Wales once seemed a marvellous and untrodden part of the Kingdom, the novelty that once greeted you with open arms has started to wear a bit thin. As you look around at the millions of excessively patriotic rugby fans and an abundance of bleating sheep, you begin to think that maybe your mates at home were right - Wales has nothing to offer you.

But, aren’t you being just a little bit of a hypocrite? Before you packed up your bags at your hometown and

headed for pastures new, didn’t you say that you were sick of the place?

As most other students would agree, young people have very small concentration spans - they get bored easily, and who wouldn’t, knowing that there’s a whole world out there to explore?

Like a lot of you who might be reading this, I stupidly missed out on a gap year before university because a) I was clueless about how to organise one, and, b) I didn’t want to go it alone.

Well, my friends, times have definitely changed - not only am I desperate to graduate and get down under, I’ve found the perfect people to help you organise your trip.

Meet Beyond Backpackers and Stray Travel, New Zealand’s award-winning accommodation group and leading backpacker bus network respectively.

Not only are they the best organisations to help you plan your trip to the breath-taking country of New Zealand, they’re also the marvellous people who’ve teamed up with gair rhydd to give one lucky reader the opportunity of a lifetime, down under.

One Cardiff Univer sity student will win ten nights accommodation in New New Zealand, at any any of Beyond Beyond Backpacker Backpacker s’ wor ld-class locations, plus two Stray Stray bus passes to see the best of New New Zealand at their leisure.

The Stray bus passes on offer ensure the winner gets a guided tour around the best attractions in the North Island, both on and off the beaten track.

Not only will the winner visit Paihia, the gateway to the Bay of Islands, and experience sailing , horse-trekking and dolphin

swimming, they’ll also stop at a host of other enviable locations.

Stop-offs include Raglan surf beach, the Waitomo caves for black water rafting, the Coromandel for the Hot Water Beach, Lake Tuopo for a spot of fishing, and Rotorua,to experience true Maori culture and seegeothermal activity.

Stray Travel is New Zealand’s fastest growing backpacker bus network, designed with young travellers in mind. Customers are offered a choice of 20 great travel passes, all of which are totally flexible and allow you to ‘get on’ and ‘get off’ whenever and wherever you choose.

Stray’s itineraries incorporate the best of what New Zealand has to offer, from the most famous of attractions to the quintessential Kiwi activities.

The Beyond Backpackers group offers visitors the best hostel facilities in all of New Zealand’s hotspots, including: Auckland Central Backpackers in Auckland, Pipi Patch Lodge in the Bay of the Islands, Hot Rock Backpackers in Roturua and Discovery Lodge in Queenstown.

Each Beyond Backpackers hostel has its own unique characteristics reflecting what’s around in the local area, and you’ll be delighted that the Beyond Backpackers’ philosophy is to offer travellers ‘More than just a bed.’

So, any keen traveller can be sure to find great standards at any of the hostels plus a fantastic range of facilities. These include: bars, travel and adventure booking, employment assistance. Internet access, Sky TV, plus location specific extras such as swimming pools, mineral hot pools, spas and more.

Both the accommodation and transtranspor t passes are valid for two year s, so even even if you’ve you’ve still got a couple of year s left at Cardiff, you can still enter to win this amazing travelling travelling holiday holiday.

To enter, have a quick peek at the box

below, containing the questions you’ll need to answer.

Because this competition is so huge (well, this is our issue 800!) grab! have even had to include the terms and conditions.

Best of luck, my loves, and don’t forget the grab! address, as always, is at the top of the page.

I have a feeling my inbox is going to be blown apart this week!

Terms and Conditi ons

- The winner’s passes and accommodation are valid for two yea date the winner is notifi rs, from the - Flights are not includ ed. ed as part of the prize.

- Bookings are subject to availability - The prize cannot be exc cash and is not refunda hanged for ble.

Sound like your cup of tea? Here’s how to enter...

THE OPPORTUNITY on offer here is a once in a lifetime experience guys, so for the chance to travel independently around one of the world’s most beautiful countries you’ll have to answer not one, but two, important questions.

If you’d like to win ten nights accommodation in New Zealand courtesy of Beyond Backers plus two Stray bus passes, email all your details to the usual address, along with the correct answers to these questions.

What is the name of New Zealand’s leading backpacker bus network?

What is Beyond Backpackers’ philosophy?

For further details, check out the websites, www.gobeyond.co.nz and www.straytravel.com

ANY OF THIS grab! YOUR ATTENTION? IT’S PRETTY easy to win, guys. Whether it’s the amazing opportunity to travel New Zealand that catches your eye, or the chance to see Jem live, there’s bound to be something you’d like to get your stinking mitts on.

To enter, all you need to do is send an email to the grab! address: competitions@gairrhydd.com. Don’t forget to pop in the answer to the question (if required) plus all your details including name, mobile phone number and address.

You never know, I might pop round for a cup of tea.

Good luck!

JULIETTE

“ANYBODY, IN any language, can get off on rock and roll music,” declares Hollywood actress, Juliette Lewis.

As if to prove the truth of her worldly statement, Juliette has decided to focus all her energies on the musical genre she adores, temporarily leaving her acting profession behind to front her band, Juliette and the Licks.

Since releasing their debut album, You’re Speaking My Language, Juliette and the Licks have put their money where their mouths are, playing live all over Europe this year.

And apparently, she’s a right little minx on the stage. As she insists: “I’m not just gonna stand there and look pretty - I’m gonna make you feel something.”

To catch Juliette live in action, head down to the Coal Exchange, Cardiff, on 29 November. Tickets are £10 at the Box Office - 029 20488020.

’S TO ROCK

To win a pair of tickets for the gig, simply email grab! at the usual address.

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

Free Stuff

November 21 2005

grab!

Page 19

competitions@gairrhydd.com

Issue 800 special

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! THANKS ARE very much due to the good people at Sony Ericsson who have put their heads together and come up with the brand spanking new K600i.

Fully loaded with tasty features, the K600i is equipped to handle the cutting edge technology of 3G. This means that video calling is most definitely the order of the day as well as streaming live media to your phone and the use of mobile broadband internet.

The built in three mega-pixel camera means you can film the world around you and then send it to

THE NAME ON EVERYONE’S LIPS YOU KNOW it’s time you caught onto a trend when absolutely everyone’s wearing it.

Since opening its flagship store in Covent Garden, cheeky cosmetic brand Pout has proven a beauty hit with just about every celebrity who likes to look good.

From the ever-popular lip sticks to the gorgeous flush blushes, the Pout range is absolutely brimming with the latest musthave stuff. So why not get your hands on some?

Pout is currently launching its new collection of ‘Untie Me’ gift sets, the perfect girlie presents to slip under the Christmas tree.

The four gift sets available range from £15 to £50 and all contain different picks of the the brand’s prettiest products.

As pictured below, the ‘Forever Pout’ Luxury Gift Box is the cream of the cream as far as beautiful presents go.

Priced at £50, it includes the ‘Miss Egypt Eyeshadow Duo’, ‘Black Eyes Mascara’, ‘Pearly Queen Rouge’, ‘Plump Original’ and ‘Bunny Girl Lipstick’, all wrapped up in a stylish silver box.

To get your hands on the gift sets that grab! are exclusively giving away, all you need to do is answer the following question:

your mates in super-quick time.

What more could you want? grab! are giving you the chance to own one of these little puppies, all you have to do is follow the simple instructions below and you could be the envy of the cool mobile phone set.

FANCY GETTING your hands on this prime example of phone pukkaness?

All you have to do is email in and tell me, in no more than 25 words what the best and most creative use of 3G calling would be and why?

Real Welsh rare-bit WE’VE GOT a real little gem for you this week! Yes, literally, the truly gorgeous Jem is going to be gracing Cardiff university’s Great Hall on Tuesday 29 November.

Growing up in what she believes is ‘The Celtic Haven of Wales’, it took Jem a stint as a club and DJ promoter for Fatboy Slim’s record label before she hit the big time.

Even more intriguingly, it was with the help of Madonna, who chose her track Nothing Fails to feature on her American Life

Who founded the Pout brand?

For more information and to purchase online please see www.pout.co.uk

album, that she managed to kick-start her own music career.

Jem confesses to being influenced by everything musical, from Aretha Franklin to Vivaldi.

She also claims her travels around the world have helped to shape her fresh and distinctive sound, which combines bright melodies with soul-searching lyrics.

Since being spotted by Madonna, things have just got better and better for Jem. Not only has the star sung in The OC, her recent track, Just a Ride featured on a the Desperate Housewives soundtrack.

And that’s not where Jem’s television CV ends. Her latest single, Wish I, became the title track for Celebrity Love Island.

After a summer that saw the artist performing at Glastonbury and touring in the US, you’ll be glad to know that Jem is finally making it to Cardiff.

Tickets are available in advance from the Box Office for a measly £14, but if you’d like to win a pair, email grab! at the usual address.

And the winner is ...

CONGRATULATIONS TO ANNA DICKINSON, who won grab’s amazing driving package courtesy of Cardiff-based driving school, Bumps.

Her prize is worth over £400 and includes twenty one-hour driving lessons, her driving and theory tests paid for plus all the study materials she needs to prepare for them. As Chico would say, bring on the flabbergasted-ness!

Anna was chuffed to have won the competition and starts her driving lessons with Bumps this week.

She said: “I’m absolutely thrilled to

have won and can’t wait to start my lessons!”

My lovely self at grab! wishes her the best of luck.

If you think it’s time that you got yourself in the driving seat, why not jump straight in and book some lessons with Bumps?

Owned by Kevin Willicomb, the school has gained a reputation for making learning to drive a fun and stress-free experience. And when it’s offering blindingly cheap lessons (see the voucher opposite) there’s no excuse!

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

gair rhydd NUS/DAILY MIRROR NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR 03/04 GUARDIAN STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR 04/05

WHO IS GOING TO FILL THIS SPACE? gair rhydd and Quench are always looking for contributors, designers, photographers, sub-editors and proof-readers. Find us on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union

www.gairrhydd.com

Join two of the UK’s top student publications. Visit the gair rhydd and Quench office, on the 4th floor of the student union.

EMAP STUDENT PUBLICATION OF THE YEAR GUARDIAN STUDENT MAGAZINE OF THE YEAR

November 21 2005

Science & Environment

Page 21

science@gairrhydd.com

MEN IN WHITE Science talks to the presenters of a new Channel 4 show, and they want you to get in touch....

By Ceri Morgan Science & Environment Editor A NEW CHANNEL 4 show will soon be taking on some of life's most persistent irritations by employing some ingenious engineering and science to help members of the public.

Men in White is a stylish, actionpacked series taking the ingenuity of three maverick scientists out on the road.

Each show sees 3 or 4 fascinating pleas for help from real people who have everyday problems which they hope the Men in White can solve.

The contrasting characters and skills are evident in the way the guys collaborate - or come to blows - over each challenge.

The fraught Docs are on a mission to design and conquer - but each client has a deadline and success is never guaranteed.

Each week the Men in White will decide on whose problems they accept - and who to reject.

They will explore the weird and wonderful statistics and facts behind each plea before using the powers of science to come up with an ingenious piece of kit to help each person's plight.

Using inspirational lateral thinking, exciting engineering and topical technology, the Men in White help diverse and bizarre characters.

The team have designed many new inventions for the series, such as a supped up prosthetic limb that can power a phone or ipod charger and a personal airbag for a novice snowboarder.

ate anything. He has designed and built massive installations for science museums around the world and created effects on Van Helsing and Lost in Space.

With a background in aeronautical engineering and bottomless knowledge of the principles of science and engineering if anyone can - Jem'll fix it Dr Adam Rutherford Adam is the Managing Web Editor of the world renowned Science Journal

had big left wings. Which would mean they would fly in circles. I had to do them all again.

Basil Never, I'm going to be a rock star when i'm older. Fact.

How did Men in White come about, and what is the concept behind the show?

Adam We use science and technology to help with

to help breakdancers learn to headspin.

It failed dismally but the breakers busted some sweet moves.

Have there been any problems that are just too difficult to solve?

Adam Occasionally we get a problem which requires either a major research grant and about 20 years ("Can you make my car invisible?"

Erm, no). Other than those, no job too big.

Basil Yeah, the

What gadget could you invent to stop a student missing lectures?

Adam I imagine some sort of timekeeping device, a clock perhaps, which makes some sort of loud noise, like an alarm, at a predetermined time. I call it "Clocko'larm".

Basil That's already invented and it's called a 'friend'. Get your 'friend' to sign in for you and voila!

“Nerdery is the brush which tars our good name” Have any of your inventions ever gone disastrously wrong?

Basil Hehe, yeah.

Has your work ever got you in serious trouble?

Basil Yep. One of my more sizeable electrocution devices got me in detention for quite some time at school.

Something to do with other kids and heart problems. At uni I must have been a bit more boring because i can't think of anything. I did set fire to my jumper with an invisible laser beam from an 8 Watt Ti-Sapphire laser.

AND FINALLY....

Can science be sexy, or will it be geeky forever?

Adam Now, you've made a crucial and inflammatory mistake here.

Geekdom is sexy, and science is everything. Nerdery is the brush which tars our good name. Geeks are responsible for iPods, nerds for Star Trek. Like with cynics it's all to do with the difference between value and cost.

Basil Dweeb is the new dude. Didn't you know?

They’ve designed a personal airbag for a novice snowboarder

Which one of you gets all the ladies?

Adam Don't be impudent... ...Basil!

Basil Hehe.

THE PRESENTERS Dr Basil Singer Basil is an extreme sport adrenalin junkie - a skater dude who also happens to be a doctor of Quantum Chaos.

You might be able to track down Dr. Basil jumping out of a plane or doing a back-flip off a cliff; lecturing at the Royal Institute or welding the hull of a boat in his native Somerset; skateboarding in Trafalgar square or snowboarding in the Alps.

If you have a problem and if you can find him, maybe you should give Basil a call.

Jem Stansfield Jem Stansfield is an inventor and special effects technician who can cre-

repelling women not impressing them.

Nature. He also has a degree in evolutionary genetics and a PhD in the developmental genetics of the eye.

He has expert contacts around the world. He also plays the fiddle and has a decidedly dark sense of humour.

When did you know you were destined to be scientists?

Adam That would be the summer during which I measured the wingspan of 3000 tropical flies. They fed on rotting sweet corn, which made me retch on a daily basis.

It turned out that the lens in the microscope was lop-sided and they all

everyday problems. Well, the other two do the building, and I stand around being sarcastic.

Basil It's pretty simple really. We're like a dweeby version of the A-TEAM: you gotta problem and YO, we'll solve it! Check out the science while the doctors explain it. Ice ice baby. Sorry.

What is the most interesting problem you've had so far?

Basil Making a bike to cross a lake was maximum entertainment - especially because i inadvertantly stacked it into the drink. We also made a device

anti-gravity device was a bit of a fiddle. As was the time machine.

Do you build gadgets for your own gains? eg around the house, cutting costs, impressing women!

Adam When has gadgetry ever impressed women?

Surely women are too smart to pander to the insecurities of a tinker?

Basil Yeah, i'm always making gadgets. One of my favourites that i made when i was a kid was an electric shock device that zapped anybody who entered my room. Mwa mwa (evil laugh). But at that age i was into

BE ON TV THE TEAM are really keen to solve occupational or hobby-based problems for students, so if there is a gadget or idea that you would love to exist; or a persistent problem that you have day dreams of being able to solve, email your problem to: meninwhite@tigeraspect.co.uk

Politics

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politics@gairrhydd.com

FROM BRUSSELS WITH LOVE - THE UK PRESIDENCY OF THE EU The UK is nearing the end of its six month leasehold on the European Presidency. Three ministers tell us about the successes and failures of continental co-ordination

SIX MONTHS TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE T Minister for Europe Douglas Alexander on the Government’s six months in charge

By Andrew Rennison Political Correspondent

F

rom Turkey to Croatia and from the UN to Africa, as holders of the Presidency it is up to the UK to represent the Union around the world. As Minister for Europe, Douglas Alexander has been in a great vantage point to take in all of the political action.

“In October we reached the historic decision to start EU accession negotiations with Turkey and Croatia. EU leaders also reached broad agreement at their October Summit meeting at Hampton Court on the important issue of how Europe should best respond to the challenges of globalisation. We plan to build on the EU’s agreement in May to double its aid to Africa by 2010.”

Indeed, the UK Presidency has found its strengths in working on the international stage. What can be done with these objectives once we’ve passed the Presidency onto Austria in the new year?

“Every member state has a say in deciding what issues need to be addressed. The UK Presidency worked with previous EU Presidencies to agree the policy agenda and is working with the Presidencies that come next –

EUROPE: Douglas Alexander

Austria and Sweden - to ensure progress is maintained.”

So does the contemporary EU Presidency even matter? With 25 countries now on-board there will be a 12year wait for our next taste of continental command; although the holder of the Presidency can advance their own interests more than others might, it still only grants limited control.

“A stable Turkey would be a powerful demonstration that Islam and democracy are compatible” Regardless of this, the ruling country does get a chance to further its own aims. “We are already making real progress. For example, following the October Environment Council, we are in a strong position to take forward the EU's objectives at the UN Climate Change negotiations in Montreal in December.

“On crime, we have secured renewed commitment among EU member states to prioritise collective EU action on Counter Terrorism by stepping up implementation of the EU's Counter Terrorism Action Plan.

“And on global poverty EU member states have committed to reach an average ODA [Overseas Development Administration] expenditure of 0.56% of GNI [Gross National Income] by 2010.”

The UK’s aims have been clear and some recent issues fit into the grand plan laid out back in June. Getting Turkey recognised as an applicant coun-

he Presidency of the EU comes only once every twelve years and the UK’s chance to steer the European agenda on it’s own terms is almost up.

As holders of the Presidency the UK has to chair the meetings of the European Council, the institution that orientates the whole EU. The Presidency is often therefore seen as a chance to push the EU in a direction that one country wants.

Since the UK assumed the Presidency in July there have certainly been plenty of issues to keep the in-trays of all the ministries full.

From the UK’s presidency of the G8 to the faintly sick finger-clicking nonsense of Live 8, and from the terrorist atrocities of July 7th to the failure of the European Constitution, there have been more than enough issues to occupy the Presidency before even thinking of the original priorities for the UK’s turn in charge.

To some extent this explains why the UK has not delivered as well in their original aims as had been hoped for. It also has to be said that

holding the Presidency does not necessarily provide the amazing opportunities that it had been suggested it would do. The UK may have been in a stronger position to shape the agenda but they still have to co-ordinate the plans of other countries, regardless of what they had in mind themselves.

Many people have suggested that the Presidency has achieved little aside from the showbiz politics of Africa. But that overlooks the other work that has been done by the UK. As shown by what the ministers have told the gair rhydd, it is not as if they have not been busy in dealing with European matters.

The wreck of the European Constitution is only just behind us and there are still large fights to come about the Budget of the Union to come.

The last thing we needed was yet more attempted institutional or fundamental reform of the Union. It was right of the UK to instead try and get on with some actual work rather than try to make a bid for the history books.

DEFENCE ON THE HOME FRONT Home Office Minister Paul Goggins on tackling terrorism and human trafficking

By Andrew Mickel Political Editor

EUROPOL

N

o ministry has had more to deal with in the past six months than the Home Office.

The July 7 bombings, however, have also provided the UK Presidency of the EU with a good opportunity to look at how European agencies work to tackle problems such as organized crime, human trafficking and what capacities there are for Europe to deal with these issues.

Justice and Home Affairs, however, remains one of the most contentious areas of policy for the EU. Many countries are sensitive to what can be perceived as a threat to their national sovereignty. Despite this, the Home Office have tried to make inroads into police co-ordination, human trafficking and organised crime.

Central to the plans is strengthening Europol, the criminal intelligence service that is available for member states to use for experience, intelligence and expertise. It has historically been under resourced, and has no capacity to demand information from other police forces.

How can the agency really help tackle crime when it is so underused by European states? Home Office minister Paul Goggins is adamant that it is not the case. "I don’t accept the assumptions in that question. The UK for example makes full use of Europol.

“The UK National Criminal Intelligence Service is already the headquarters of our Europol National Central Bureau and Sirene Bureau (a bureau that gives UK immigration officers to the Schengen system, a pan-European immigration information system), so we already have the structures in place to

CHALLENGES: Organised crime, human trafficking and ID fraud

S

ometimes we politicians are accused of being disconnected from the people we represent. But when it comes to fighting poverty, and when it comes to Europe fighting poverty, I think in 2005 we have shown that this is not the case.

The hundreds of thousands who have marched calling for poverty to be made history, the millions, the billions even, who saw the Live8 concerts across the globe, all show how much people care about development. The condition of Africa, poverty, its causes, and what we do about it, are at the centre of our lives, and of our politics, as never before.

As things stand, by 2015, over half of the world’s poorest people will be living in Africa, up from nearly a third now.

On current trends, over 5 million children under 5 will continue to die every year - mostly from diseases we can prevent.

But we have made major progress this year. It was in May that Europe made a historic commitment to double its aid by 2010, to £45 billion. This showed Europe at its best, and it helped make the G8 meeting in Gleneagles a success, whereby EU and G8 commitments to Africa mean an additional £14 billion a year by 2010.

The fight against killer diseases, and in particular HIV and AIDS, is a further priority area for action: there are over three million new infections every year; 14 million AIDS orphans; and 25 million people live with HIV and AIDS in Africa. The EU provided 60% of the nearly £2.7 billion in new money pledged at the September 2005 replenishment conference for the Global Fund to tackle AIDS, TB and malaria.

In September, EU Member States

“A secure EU border is in the interests of all Member States, including the UK” Another important emerging area is the European Evidence Warrant. It’s intended to provide a fast and effective mechanism of obtaining evidence for use in criminal proceedings. “The current procedures for obtaining evidence from other Member States are slow and cumbersome,” said Mr Goggins, “and often result in lengthy, and potentially costly, delays to investigations and court procedures.”

TELECOMS DATA

TURKEY: In negotiation, but will it make it into the EU? try has certainly been a big achievement.

But does Turkey really have a right to be in the Union?

“The EU is defined by shared values as much as by its geography. We believe that we should reach out to our neighbours, rather than build walls around the Union.”

As well as the moral imperative, Mr Alexander also argues that Turkey would be a valuable addition to the Union. “A stable, democratic and prosperous

Turkey, anchored in the EU, would be a powerful demonstration that Islam, democracy, and economic success are compatible.”

The UK’s Presidency of the EU is coming to an end. The final meetings during December will be Britain’s last chance to put it’s name on any lastminute achievement they can thrash out.

Either way, Austria’s going to need all the luck in the world to deal with what’s handed over.

Organised crime costs the UK over £2bn a year LOGO: No bird flu jokes, please

Estimates say up to 800,000 people are trafficked globally a year

ID fraud has risen from 35,000 to 101,000 cases in the UK, from 2000-03

IT BEGAN IN AFRICA- THE VIEW FROM DFID

By Gareth Thomas Minister for International Development

ensure that we are working closely together and through Europol."

There are also plans to extend how Europol works with the relevant authorities in an effort to speed up information and intelligence exchange.

Council.

But it is not just about ‘how much’ aid we spend, but also ‘how well’ we spend it. Europe decided in November to untie EC aid, and we are seeking agreement on a new European Development Policy Statement which will set the framework for future aid spending.

DFID: Gareth Thomas were instrumental in launching the International Finance Facility for Immunisation which will prevent 5 million child deaths over the next ten years.

We are now developing a comprehensive and long-term EU-Africa plan focusing on governance, peace and security, trade, and development - for agreement at the December European

The help that Europe is providing to Africa is an expression of Europe’s values In the long-term, fairer and freer trade holds the key to improving the lives of many poor people. The WTO Ministerial meeting in Hong Kong in December will aim to take forward the current round of trade talks - the Doha

Development Agenda. We are working with our EU partners to achieve the best possible result, in particular for the poorest nations in the world.

These important commitments will be all the more productive because of the progress Africa is making. More than two thirds of African countries have held democratic elections over the past five years; sixteen countries have achieved growth of over 4% during the past decade, and inflation has been reduced to a fifth of levels ten years ago.

The help that Europe is providing to Africa is an expression of Europe's values. The people of Europe are sending us - as their elected representatives - a message. They want Europe to continue to play its part in fighting poverty, and to be more ambitious. And the people who live in poverty in Africa, and around the world, deserve this. And it is up to us to help them to achieve it for themselves.

Europe’s role in the world

By Claire King & Andrew Mickel

Security and Stability

PROBABLY THE success story of the UK’s Presidency. Aid to Africa has ambitious new targets (see Gareth Thomas’ article opposite), and both Croatia and Turkey have had their membership talks. As the EU’s international representative the UK has also pushed for sugar subsidy reform to meet with a WTO ruling, and help developing world farmers. The UK will also represent the Union at the UN climate change summit in Canada next month.

UNABLE TO find an agreement on how Europe should handle globalisation. Other failures too, with the services directive - the next step in creating a true Single European Market - kicked into the long grass. With CAP reform also being glossed over, the UK looks likely to be giving Austria plenty to worry about when it hands the Presidency over on January 1.

CHARLES CLARKE has pushed hard for new legislation for Europe. In particular he has gotten agreement on contentious new legislation that will lead to telecommunications data being held by countries in the EU for longer. He says that similar rules here were vital in the follow-up to the July 7 bombings, but he still has to convince the European

Economic Reform and Social Justice

Parliament before it can become legislation. The Presidency has also worked hard at creating a European Evidence Warrant so that evidence in one country can be used in another. Overall, the UK has had success in its stated aims, even though it has been controversial for many other states.

One of the most controversial parts of the Home Office’s plans has been to harmonise how all of Europe keeps it’s telecoms data. "I am convinced that retaining historic communications data is vital," says Mr Goggins, "as evidence of who communicated with whom… it has helped secure convictions for terrorist offences and serious crimes including murder. It can also corroborate alibis."

Indeed, Charles Clarke has used July 7 as an example of how using such data can help. But the plans will doubtlessly be seen by many people as a threat to civil liberties. "We have to realise that imposing requirements on service providers to retain data about everyone is a part of the difficult balance that Governments have to strike between protecting the public and respecting the human rights of individuals."

Charles Clarke has been able to get agreement from all the interior ministers on the topic; but he still has to persuade the European Parliament of the legislation before it can become law.

“The current procedures for obtaining evidence from other Member States are slow and cumbersome” HUMAN TRAFFICKING

Human trafficking, as a trans-national problem, is a topic ripe for being coordinated at a European level. "We believe that approximately 120,000 people are trafficked within the EU every year- and it is a major element of organised crime within and outside the EU." What plans are there in place to deal

HOME OFFICE: Paul Goggins with the problem? "In the UK, Operation Reflex – a police-led operation to crack down on human trafficking…conducted 343 operations during 04/05 which resulted in 1456 arrests. £5,572,142 of criminal assets were seized."

An EU-wide plan is now being formulated to tackle trafficking; it is one of the biggest success stories for the Home Office.

“I am convinced that retaining historical communications data is vital” BEYOND THE EU

The UK Presidency has also co-ordinated for action beyond the EU. "Clearly crime has a cross border dimension and criminals can and do operate in multiple jurisdictions making them harder to prosecute." Indeed, problems such as human trafficking have such a long reach that solutions cannot be found in the EU alone.

The myriad of other international institutions, Mr Goggins believes, can be used in the Union’s favour.

"Partnership work has already brought tangible results – for example closer cooperation at EU level with Turkey has led to record levels of drug seizures over the past months." But there is obviously still a lot of room for improvement.

Liasing with other bodies such as the African Union, for example, is an important area that is only now gradually emerging. The EU has improved recently; there are now community funds available to member states to help get victims back to the countries that they were originally taken from.

The Home Office has had perhaps the hardest job over the past six months in pushing through necessary reforms. As the most recent European victim of terrorism, with the July 7 bombings happening on the UK’s watch with the European Presidency, they’ve certainly had the opportunities to make a difference.

How effectively they can hand over to Austria to continue to make a difference remains to be seen.

Page 24

s g n i t Lis

Recommended

November 21 2005

listings@gairrhydd.com

The ‘better than sex’ gair rhydd This Week: Comedians ‘off the telly’, Jazz, The Jones O’Connor Group

@ CF10 Sun 27 Nov 8pm / £3 Stanley Cowell recommends

U

nbeknownst to many, the Union’s hippest, most chilled out weekly event has been happening every Sunday night from 8pm in CF10 (formally known as Seren Las).

Declaring itself a night for musicheads and chronic loafers, The Hip Hound Lounge presented by Cardiff Student Jazz Society and open to all - features live jazz, funk and Latin bands each week, as well as DJ Jazzmonk and friends spinning quality vintage sounds to round off the week with a touch of class.

The appearance this week of The Jones O’Connor Group deserves special mention however. The last couple of years has seen this remarkable quartet become one of the most popular and accomplished jazz groups in Wales.

Comprising of Paul Jones (piano), Richard Jones (guitar), Chris O’Connor (bass) and Mark O’Connor (drums), the group boast a repertoire of outstanding original compositions.

Compositions which, coupled with their dazzling collective performance, have taken them to Brecon Jazz Festival, the Meltdown Festival [at the Royal Festival Hall], Bath Festival, Glastonbury Festival, and the National Experimentica Festival.

The quartet cite broad influences, from post-rock Chicago musicians Tortoise to more recent jazz groups such as The Cinematic Orchestra, as well as minimalist composition and the British Free Jazz scene.

Their approach has generated interest not just from jazz fans but from all kinds of people drawn to inventive, passionate and highly creative music.

t Gues Pick

Faithless

Jimmy Carr

@ CIA

@ CIA

Thurs 24 Nov

Weds 23 Nov

6.30pm/ £3.50

7.30pm / £17.50 Curitz recommends

Schmit recommends

I

f you are yet to stumble across the scathing, cutting straight to the core wit of Jimmy Carr, then err, you obviously don’t watch Channel 4. He’s that comedian ‘off the telly’.

Jimmy’s rise to fame in TV comedy has come about through his appearances on such successful shows as QI, 8 Out of 10 Cats, and the Friday Night Project.

However TV is not currently the focus (other than in name), as Jimmy heads out onto the road with his new stand up tour, and recently released DVD: Off the Telly.

His first live show - Bare Faced

Coming Up

Ambition – gained Jimmy a Perrier nomination in 2002. Other tours then followed, and duely sold out, with ‘Charm Offensive’, in 2003 and ‘Public Display of Affection’, in 2004.

Current tour, Off The Telly, continued this trend, as it kicked off with a sold out run at the critically acclaimed Edinburgh Festival in 2005.

While Jimmy Carr’s humour may not appeal to all of the public sectors, it’s been well received enough to sell in the region of 120,000 copies and counting.

Other than stand-up, he’s also lent his body to film and radio, with him being scheduled to star in three

film releases in 2006.

As for the radio, Jimmy hosts the morning breakfast on XFM from 10am to 12. He is also a regular guest and interviewer on Loose Ends (Radio 4) and The Fred McCauley Show (BBC Radio Scotland).

There’s no doubt though, that tonight is all about his offensive, quick-fire, personal humour, as it appears on the stage.

After Jimmy’s sell out for the Hammersmith Apollo last year, Jimmy returns there to perform in front of 7,000 fans, in venues throughout November 2005.

Luckily for us, Cardiff is one of them.

I

t all started in 1995 with Rollo Armstrong, Sister Bliss and Maxi Jazz.

A prime house-pop group and consistent club act, Faithless is at it’s core a duo of producers, Rollo and Sister Bliss.

Before the group officially came together in 1995, Rollo had produced a previous club hit (Don't You Want Me as Felix in 1992), plus an album for Kristine W. and remixes for the Pet Shop Boys, Björk and Simply Red. Sister Bliss, a piano and violin prodigy from the age of five, converted to acid house in 1987, and quickly became one of the UK's best house DJs, also recording several singles as herself.

Though the two had begun pro-

ducing together as early as 1993, Faithless became a stable quartet two years later with the addition of vocalists Jamie Catto and Maxi Jazz.

The group reached worldwide status the following year with the singles Salva Mea, Insomnia and Reverence. Having been largely ignored by the mainstream in the UK, they returned from their travels as veterans of the worldwide live scene, something that few bands in their domain could lay claim to.

Their epic house singles had an unmistakable impact and influence on the sound of contemporary dance music.

In 2004 the band released the quieter than usual No Roots with new member, LSK, adding vocals.

Rollo’s sister Dido has performed lead vocals on tracks on many Faithless tracks (including One Step Too Far) and her debut album No Angel (co-produced by Rollo) has since topped the UK and US charts.

Rollo, who once admitted that he "can’t play an instrument, can’t dance in time, and can’t remember any melodies’, doesn’t actually play live with Faithless!

The act have been nominated for and won some of the most prestigeous and exciting international music awards.

Zane Lowe - Mon 28 Nov @ UWIC ... Jem - Tues 29 Nov @ Students Union ... Alan Fletcher (AKA Neighbours’ Dr Karl Kennedy) - Weds 30 Nov @ The Walkabout ... The Others - Thurs 1 Dec @ Barfly ... Hard Fi - Fri 2 Dec @ Students Union ... Pogues / Dropkick Murphys - Mon 12 Dec @ Cardiff International Arena ... The Automatic - Sat 31 Dec @ Barfly ... Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown @ Weds 18 Jan @ St. David’s Hall ... Fallout Boy - Sun 22 Jan @ Students Union ... Test Icicles - Thurs 26 Jan @ Barfly ... Goldfrapp - Weds 1 Feb @ Students Union ... Jack Johnson Band - Thurs 2 March @ Cardiff Internation Arena ... Derren Brown - Sat 8 April @ Riverfront (Newport) ... Dylan Moran - Sat 6 May @ St. David’s Hall ... Westlife - Sun 14 May @ Cardiff International Arena ... Girls Aloud - Tues 30 May @ Cardiff International Arena ...

November 21 2005

Day By Day

Page 25

listings@gairrhydd.com

listings with Schmit and Curitz rappers from the ‘Port, and gair rhydd 800!!...

Monday21/10

Rock Idols @ SU Not sure of details. Call box office for more info.

Live @ SU The Strand. An original style of indie/rock influenced by the Libertines.

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU The usual alternative anthems. 10pm-2am.

Free entry with NUS/£3 otherwise.

X Factory @ The Taf Legendary Xpress DJs. 9pm-1am FREE On the Side @ Fun Factory Live Music Society cooks up something special in the Xpress Lounge.

New Noise @ Metros Alternative therapy for the musically depressed. 9pm-2am. £3 before 11pm. And more afterwards, presumably.

Milk @ Moloko DJ Phoenix and friends play nu-jazz, Latin, broken beats, deep house, etc. Occasional chocolate! Check it out. 8pm-2am. Free Stereogum @ The Union Rock, metal, punk and electro. The Union in town that is. 9pm. £2 with flyer.

I-Candy @ Tiger Tiger There are five rooms, five bars, one dance arena, a VIP lounge a live funk band and drinks promotions. 9.30pm. £3/4 NUS. Uberalles@ Buffalo Bar The latest rock and indie tunes. 9pm - 2am. £2/3.

Monday Night All Stars @ Clwb Ifor Bach Playing the best old skool hip-hop and funk classics to kick your week off in style. 8pm. £0/2/3.

Pick Of The Day Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach My Awesome Compilation / The Zico Chain.

A band of brothers from the Leicester music scene who take influences from the likes of Sunny Day Real Estate, Jimmy Eat World and Red Animal War. 7.30pm £6

Friday25/11

Tuesday22/11

Comedy Club @ CF10, SU It really is rather funny. This week: Russell Howard with support from Lee Nelson.

8-11pm. £4 NUS Soul Motion @ Moloko Deep funk, rare soul, Tamla Motown, jazz dance and boogaloo. Boasts a decent dancefloor surface too, which is a must for all that shaking and baking you’ll be doing.

7pm-2am. Free.

Rock Inferno @ Clwb Ifor Bach Rock. Metal. Goth. It’s sure to be a good alternative night out. 9pm. £2.50 Pick Of The Day Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach Smother/ Ironfly/ Robots Talk In Twos.

A truly unique rock band with a nice line in intense live shows. The list of fans they've already attracted includes Zane Lowe, Steve Lamacq and Kerrang! magazine.

8pm £6.

Live @ St David’s Hall Martyn Joseph. This gifted singer/songwriter returns home to Wales bringing his burnished voice, intimate manner and unhurried guitar style. 8pm £12.50 Live @ Buffalo Bar Forecast Presents: Manchuko. Contact venue for more details.

Live @ Barfly Gliss/ The Strand/ Jont/ The Days. Hailing from Cardiff, The Strand are a three-piece rock band with all three members adding to the stunning vocal harmonies and an awesome conbination of great tunes and great showmanship. With influences ranging from Shane McGowan to Supergrass, The Strand manage to intertwine good musicality with an inspirational live performance. 7:30pm £5 Theatre @ New Theatre The King and I. Running Wed 16 Nov - Sat 26 Nov. Contact New Theatre for info and tickets.

Saturday26/11

Fat Friday @ Solus, SU If you go you will drink, and drinking makes you fat. 10pm-2am. £3.50/£3 adv.

Charity Night @ CF10 Xpress Radio presents a fun filled night in aid of Children in Need. Comedy, DJs, dancing and more. 7pm.

The Dudes Abide @ Clwb Ifor Bach Indie, Retro, Legendary Sounds (downstairs) 10.30pm – 2.30am. £3.50/ £4.

Mad4It! @ Barfly Join Mike TV for the Greatest Indie & Alternative Hits Ever. 10.30pm-2am. £3.

Chaos @ Metros Real rock. Begone cheesy Wednesday saps. £2.50 before 10pm.

Full Fat @ Moloko Cheeky bootlegs to heavy funk, old skool classics, and jump up party breaks. Free entry before 11pm.

Audio Velvet @ Buffalo Bar Weekly party action of new music mixed with beat driven mayhem from the past, present and future. 8pm. £2/3.

Live @ Barfly Kid Carpet / Sicknote / eVils. The man makes music with kids toys! 7.30pm. £5.

Beneath The Surface @ Clwb Ifor Bach The Young Knives / Rumblestrips / Dancing Bullets. The Young Knives are the buzz band of the moment, having played with Gang Of Four, Clor, and Maximo Park. 8pm. £6.

Capoera Festival @ The Point The Brazilian art / dance / martial art is an amzing sight for the eye. 7.30pm. £7.

Comedy @ Jongleurs The usual food, drinks, and laughs. 7pm. £8.

Ian Brown @ SU The ex- Stone Roses frontman and daddy of indie music, heads a sellout gig at the Students’ Union. Finding a ticket will be difficult as they are rarer than my sense of dignity. 7pm. £20.

Come Play @ Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room. Hip hop and breaks in Junction Bar. Jazz, soul and fun Blueprint @ Moloko Retro disco, future house, disco roots. Ends at 2am, drinks promo all night. Free before 10pm.Latin in the Xpress Lounge. 10pm-2am. £3.50 Fly Swatter @ Barfly All the best alternative music from yesteryear lined up with current dance floor fillers to make your weekend throb with brilliance.10.30pm. £3 NUS. Hellbent! @ The Model Inn, Quay Street The only city centre rock night on a Saturday.

9pm - 2am.

Delinquent @ Metros Alternative and new music. 9pm-3am. Free with flyer before 10pm/£4.

Clwb Cariad @ Clwb Ifor Bach Contemporary Welsh Sounds (downstairs) £4/3 10pm – 2.30am.

Bar Lamerica @ Cantaloop Resident DJs. 9pm. £FREE for VIPs.

Pick Of The Day Live @ Bridgend Recreation Centre Goldie Lookin’ Chain / The Automatic. The Newport rappers warm-up for their upcoming gig with Feeder, with support coming from the highly successful Automatic. You will all know about them this time next year. £12.50

Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach Mattoidz / Y Brodyr Jones / Garej Dolwen / DJ Elfis Ifans. 9pm £7.50/ 3 Live @ CIA The ex-Jam singer should team up with Ian Brown as there seems to be a lot of oldies in Cardiff this weekend. 7.30pm. £27.50.

Pick Of The Day Live @ Barfly iForwardRussia / Redjetson / The International Karate Plus. iForwardsRussia are yet to be signed, but that just makes this gig more appetising. 7.30. £6.

Wednesday23/11

Rubber Duck @ Solus, SU There’s a duck. It’s rubber.10pm. £3.

Indie Kids Die In Hot Bars @ Barfly Featuring the latest and greatest new music, live acts and guest DJs. The team behind Fly Swatter bring you Indie Kids Die in Hot Bars.

10.30pm. £4 Material @ Moloko Weekly night of left-field disco, new wave and punk funk fused with the best of the new 80's influenced tunes. 8pm/2am. FREE. Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach The Popscene mob run riot with a splattering of guile, style and the best new music: rawcous 'indie' and the like, heavily laden with guitars throughout. 9.30pm. £3.

Live @ Barfly The Motorettes / WhoKilledFrank (formerly Frank)/ The Donde Stars. 7.30pm £5 Live @ Windsor Hotel The Liberty Street Jazz Band - Excellent sixpiece traditional jazz band from Wales playing jazz standards, spirituals and New Orleans marching tunes. Great music with more than a few laughs along the way.

8:45pm FREE Pick Of The Day Theatre @ Sherman Trashed. An intense, edgy contemporary drama about global politics and individual lives, recommended for ages 14 and over.

7:30pm £8 Theatre @ Sherman Merlin & The Cave of Dreams. Running Fri 18 Nov - Sat 14 Jan.The King is dead and the Green Kingdom is in turmoil as it seeks a new heir. Only the all-powerful wizard Merlin knows that the future lies in the hands of the young boy Arthur... Tickets start from £7.50 Comedy @ CIA Jimmy Carr. This bloke’s seriously fucking funny. See facing page for more details.

Sunday27/11

Cleverdick Quiz @ The Taf, SU They provide the questions, you provide the answers. In my case, the wrong ones.

MedClub Quiz @ MedBar, Heath Site The same. 8pm.

Pub Quiz @ Woodville Yet another Sunday night quiz to ponder over. 7pm.

Acoustic Night @ Moloko 7pm-2am. £1.

The Hop @ Buffalo Bar Cult 50s film, drive-in themes, weekly buffet, extra large milkshake cocktails. 8pm. £2/3.

Live @ Barfly Bad Obsession. The ‘world’s best’ Guns n Roses tribute band once again return to the Barfly. Expect screeching guitar solos, top hats, anthems, but not Axl Rose. 7.30pm. £7.

Pick Of The Day Meltdown @ Clwb Ifor Bach Unsung Womens Voices Night. Clwb Ifor Bach's Meltdown and Chapter's Peppermintpatti are teaming up to host a night of Welsh Women's Voices and Riot Grrrl music. Part of Amnesty International's 16 days of action to stop violence against women.A showcase of some of the best female musicians around at the moment.

Featuring Julia Harris Band, and the Nickie Charles Band.Combine both of these stunningly compatible gigs and wander at will between them for £9.50 (conc. £7.50).

Hip Hound Lounge @ CF10 The James O’Connor Group. For more details see the facing page. 8pm. £3 (£2 Jazz Soc members).

Live @ CIA The Prodigy. Go on go on go on go on go on.

Highly Recommended. 6.30pm. £25.

The Fourth Chair @ The Social Improvised comedy entertainment.7.30pm.

FREE.

Thursday24/11

Devious @ Barfly Track requests + top tunes + cheap drinks = a rocking night out! 10.30pm-2am. £3.

Cheapskates @ Metros Now on Thursday nights. Alternative & cheese.

Does exactly what it say on the tin, with drinks being cheaper than a bag of McCain’s. Double and a mixer cost 99p. 9pm-2am.

Enthusiasm @ Moloko Cardiff’s premier hip hop/drum ‘n’ bass night.

And as of fairly recently open ‘til later than late.

8pm-3am. Free before 11pm.

Clubnight @ La Tropicana Hip-hop and R&B student night. 10pm.

Cookie Puss @ Buffalo Bar The real deal mix of non re-issue funk 45s, soul melodies, afro, freakbeat and a nice bit of jazz.

9pm. £2/3.

Loco @ La Tantra Stu Grady / DJ Fixed Rate / Dave Da Funk / Ross Powis / Nusense / DJ Fish / Jules /Midfield Max. Open until 4am.

Live @ Barfly Dopamine/ Along Came Man/ The Story So Far/ My Favourite Pornstar. 7.30pm £4 Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach The Mystery Jets / Ludes / The Junglists. The Mystery Jets are a band like no other. The Eel Pie Islanders have not one but two Harrisons in their ranks. But main man Blaine and guitarist Henry are not brothers, they're father and son!

But this family bond has definitely not held them back, as they've toured with the likes of Bloc Party, British Sea Power and The Futureheads and have just singed to 679. 8pm. £6.

Pick Of The Day Live @ CIA Faithless. Formed in 1993, Rollo Armstrong, Sister Bliss and Maxi Jazz have become one of the UK's top contemporary dance acts.

Voted 'Best Live Act' at the Ericsson Muzik Awards 1998, the band continue to forge new ground in British dance culture 6.30pm. £23.50. See facing page.

VENUES

Students’ Union, Park Place 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Moloko, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

Problem Page

Page 26

November 21 2005

problempage@gairrhydd.com

Amber Duval DISPENSER OF FILTH AND / OR LIFE ADVICE

This week: coprophilia, cardigans, Kleenex and concerns.

Hello, girls, boys and in-betweeners!

I was very disappointed when I opened my emails this week and saw that no-one had answered my plea. Then I read the letter from Juan and all the feeling flowed back to my southern bits (my appendix, you understand). Any other propositions will be gratefully received. And maybe if I get enough, I could organise a play-off between all applicants... naked and with trifle, you understand. So if you feel like you’re up to the challenege, or simply have a problem with the strange lump on your vadge, an annoying housemate with a penchant for the Outhere Brothers or even a crush on your local lottery retailer, then email: problempage@gairrhydd.com.

Lots of love, Amber, here for YOU. Xxx

Lidl Hope !

Dear Amber, I REALLY DON’T have any idea of what to do. I am in (inner) turmoil, and I think that only you can help me, Amber.

Y’see, I used to be a completely different person – fun, chatty, witty and charming. Now all of that seems to have fallen away. I can’t understand it,

Amber – where has my personality gone?

I came to Cardiff to study maths. I was thinking that maybe it’d be a little boring, but I had no idea what I was in for. On my first day, in my first lecture, I sat next to a nice enough looking girl, and attempted to strike up a conversation with her. Y’know, just the usual stuff – the what’s your name, where do you come from kind of crap – but harmless! Anyway, she completely ignored all my questions and stared dead ahead, waiting for the lec-

ture to begin, almost as if she was in some kind of Pythagoritic trance. The lecture theatre began to get quite full, and another student ended up sitting next to me. He seemed OK – wearing clothes from Topman and that, so I started trying to chat to him. Again, just the usual, nothing offensive. And what did he do? Completely ignored me again! And as soon as the lecturer came in, instead of people finishing the few conversations they’d managed to conduct, the whole theatre fell silent in what I suspect may have been awe.

Bun! Yoghur t Pistol ! Big Dear Amber,

Dear Amber,

I don’t really want your advice but my friends have advised me to write to you anyway, as they seem to think I have some kind of problem.

The thing is, I haven’t had a girlfriend for a long time and although it’s no skin off my nose – a bit of ‘Backdoor Bonking – the DVD’ and some Kleenex is enough for me – but my friends have had enough of me wanking in the front room and say they are sick of my depravity. I say, what’s wrong with rolling off a cummy one when you’re in the mood?

It’s completely natural, and that.

People have been doing it for thousands of years, and even when Man lived together in communal caves I bet they did it in front of each other (Christ! What a turn-on!). But they say they’re sick of seeing my purpleheaded, single-barrelled yoghurt-gun all the time when they want to come into the sitting room and watch Eastenders (I’ve got nothing against Easties - I mean, I’d do that Peggy Mitchell and that, but they hate me wanking over it as they say they can’t hear the dialogue). I have a perfectly nice cock so I really don’t see what their problem is. But they say they want to relax in the house, not constantly have to take cover from my emitting love-milk. They say that if I want to have a visit from Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters, I should go to my room and entertain her company there.

So I do go to my room to wank from time to time, but as I don’t have a TV up there I have to read Razzle to get myself in the mood and it’s pretty boring.

Anyway, they’ve advised me to ask you out, Amber, as you may be able to fulfil my needs. I wank about five times a day, so if I had sex six times a day I’m sure I’d be satisfied. I also like to have anal at least once a week when I have a partner, and I don’t buy drinks or dinner for anyone. Oh, and I’m also a bit of a coprophile.

Keep me posted, Juan Kerr, Cathays.

Amber says: Dear Juan, Send me a private email and we’ll see. I hope that this advice helps you.

Lots of love, Amber xxx

I’M NOT REALLY sure if this is a problem you can help me with, but I’m not really sure I can talk to anyone else about it, so I’ll give you a go (as it were). I’m in my final year of university, and ever since I came here I’ve felt really belittled by everyone around me.

I’m not particularly attractive, and I have glasses and like to wear big Tshirts and leggings (big cardigans in the winter). Personally, I see nothing wrong with this type of garb – I’m a little overweight as I like to bake cakes and eat them all in one go in

Thai W or r y !

Dear Amber, I AM AT the moment studying physics. My parents live in South London and one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton, is married to a guy from Liverpool.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994, and the other is being held in Wandsworth on remand, on charges of incest with his three children.

It was very creepy, and totally unnecessary as the lecturer fiddled about for ages before he began.

Anyway, I decided to try and join the Maths Society to try and make friends. But every time I try to talk to someone they either ignore me or say something completely bonkers (sample quote: "Hello, I’m Matt. Who are you?" "I just ordered a pint of Brains.

What a laugh. I don’t reckon the barman got it. I might go and have words." And the girls are just as bad).

I feel like I am becoming a com-

plete introvert with no social life. My housemates are all crap and neither talk nor go out. It seems the only thing they like to do is go to Lidl.

Amber, I’m desperate for some advice!

Yours, Matt, Colum Road.

case they go stale – so baggy clothes seem like the perfect idea. I like to wear leggings as they make the best of my ankles, which are probably the thinnest things on my body. I read that if you are fat you should make the most of your ankles and wrists. I also like to wear some wooden parrot earrings my mum gave me in 1989 – they remind me of Michaela Strachen. I have long hair which I wear in a bun, but it’s not very often complimented.

My housemates are great and I have lived with them for three years.

They always invite me out with them and they enjoy eating my cottage pie.

The thing is, Amber, they dress so nicely and go to the gym and have boyfriends. At first I didn’t care, as I was happy the way I am and happy to be on my own. But now, I feel very lonely and also, I’d like to have sex at

some point soon.

Everytime I go out and I see people in fashionable boots and nice skirts and cleavage-y tops I feel very jealous and insecure. I don’t know if I can change myself though, as I hate fashion and also I’m very socially inept. I wouldn’t know where to buy nice clothes from and I have no idea how to talk to people.

So my problem really is that I’m insecure but refuse to do anything about it to make myself feel better.

Any ideas?

Love, Sam, Roath.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who indeed is still a part-time working girl in a brothel; however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel, with my fiancé utilising her knowledge of the industry as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team, although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. But should I tell her about my brother-in-

law being a Scouser?

Regards, Lovestruck of Cathays Xxx

AMBER SAYS: Dear Matt, Poor you. Hope that this helps!

Lots of love, Amber xxx

AMBER SAYS: Dear Sam, Oh dear. I hope this helps.

Love from Amber xxx

AMBER SAYS: Dear Lovestruck, I really feel for you. I have a relative from Sheffield and every time I think about her it makes my eyes water. However, if you don’t tell your loved one, she’ll think you may commit a hatred crime on Liverpool. I know you wouldn’t, because you’re a twat. By the way, your business plan sounds awesome.

Tell your sisters that to avoid anal chafing, always use Super Glide III. Anyway, I really hope that this helps.

Lots of love, Amber xxx

Need help? Email Amber: problempage@gairrhydd.com

Five Minute Fun

November 21 2005

Page 27

ruiningyourlectures@gairrhydd.com

unarmed kid says, “fuck off ”. The other points his gun at me. I say, “don’t shoot”. I start to walk away, they refocus their attention on the pigeon.

I read somewhere that if kids torture animals they’re more likely to become murderous adults. I don’t know if that’s true, but I‘m imagining years from now the stuff they’ll be getting up to: Maybe I’ll get interviewed for a documentary, everyone likes a good serial killer documentary. I could say, “they categorically did not keep themselves to themselves, they told me to “fuck off ” and pointed a gun at me and everything”.

I hear footsteps behind me, it’s them: oh shit. I’m in about 12 minds, I don’t know whether I should run, or hide or shout “HELP!”, I stand frozen, not long for this world. One of them

says, “will you do us a favour?” I say, “Uh, what is it?”, they’d better not want an alibi. He says, “will you buy us cider, we’ll give you the money”. I say, not wanting to get shot or beat up, “Okay”. They give me some money.

We head for a near by off-license.

They’re telling me about their day and how they’re out of pellets, good news.

In the off license I select Strongbow, it looks like piss. If only I’d drank cider as a youth I could be getting all nostalgic and teary eyed; oh well. The woman at the counter doesn’t like the look of me, I can tell; I say, “just this please”. She says, “do you have any I.D?”. I don’t have my wallet, I say, “no”. She says, grinning, “get lost”.

Colm Loughlin

HALL OF SHAME Welcome to the temporarily larger and more colourful hall of Shame.

It goes without saying that there’s been all sorts of lewd nonsense sent in, what people will do to themselves never ceases to amaze. Here are some highlights, well I say highlights...

e with the Santa spends tim n re ild ch l ia spec

kiss dressed as Zulu warriors

ut ears Ents crew spor

Text: 07791 165 837

hes olumn inc Feel my c

Leaning tower of pissed

Sly grin

THIS WEEK: The quiz lives up to its name, what with 5MF getting all pretentious and all: 2 pages!

1. Why is Rhonda Paisley taking action against her father, Ian, the leader of Nor thern Irish Unionism?

A: Sexual discrimination B: She thinks he stole from her C: Emotional neglect D: Verbal Abuse 2. How much did footballing pantomime villain EL Hadji Diouf get fined for spitting water at an 11 year old boy?

A: £12,000 B: £1,000,000 C: Nothing at all, he got community ser vice, where he has to go round schools giving talks on the dangers of spreading germs by spitting, considerable apparently D: £11,000 3. Romeo from So Solid Crew has just been cleared of wounding with intent, what’s his real name?

A: Jack Johnson B: Lesley Thompson C: Daniel Kawczynski D: Mar vin Dawkins 4. Speaking of Daniel Kawczynski, who, let’s face it, isn’t the answer, he’s the Tor y MP for Shrewsbur y and Atcham; how tall is he?

A: 5ft 1in B: 7ft 1in C: 6ft 8in D: 4ft 11in 5. Have you heard of Peter Francis-Macrae? Apparently, he’s Britain’s most prolific internet spammer - he’s just been jailed for 6 years. What is he known as to his victims?

A: Captain Spam B: Weaselboy C: Weird tinned cack meat man D: Ferret Boy

answers:

I

’m sitting on a bench in a park trying to read a book: this never works, there’s always wind ruffling the pages or noise or a seagull doing something fascinating with a Coke can or, in this case, a pigeon staggering like it’s drunk, falling over and twitching. I don’t know what to do. I get up to go over to it when I see blood and hear some youthful voices shouting, “it’s dead, it’s fucking dead”.

2 kids, 14 year olds maybe, emerge, they’re wearing sports gear, one of them’s carrying a gun: A GUN! He stands over the pigeon and shoots, turns out the gun is a pellet gun, something of a relief.

I’m apalled. I say, all futile, “don’t do that”. They look over and see me.

They don’t look best pleased. The

The Big Quiz

1.A, 2.D, 3.D, 4.C, 5. B, 6. A, 7.C

BANG BANG

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Five Minute Fun

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November 21 2005

ruiningyourlectures@gairrhydd.com

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ACROSS

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7 Holy (6) 8 Pellet-firing weapon (3,3) 9 Treat which includes scones and jam (5,3) 10 Eastern exercise system (4) 11 Block of bread (4) 12 Confined (6,2) 14 Accumulated Lotto Jackpot (8) 16 Seaside sweet with writing inside (4) 18 Hero, object of imagination (4) 20 Data print-outs (8) 22 Imaginary perfect place(6) 23 Official language of Hungary (6)

1 New style for your locks (6) 2 Terrible (8) 3 Prepare for publication (4) 4 Illicit lover (8) 5 Medical photograph (1-3) 6 Martial art developed in China (4,2) 12 Non-militiary (8) 13 Dangly jewllery items (8) 15 At work (2,4) 17 French Brandy (6) 19 Run with long strides (4) 21 Unchanged (4)

ACROSS:

DOWN:

7 ___ Hunniford, TV personality (6) 8 Periods in time (6) 9 In a lazy way (4) 10 Compulsive collectors (8) 11 Occuring at the same time (11) 14 Act of pardoning (11) 18 Collected, fetched (6,2) 19 Female domestic servent (4) 20 Indicate (6) 21 Automata (6)

1 Inviting or lecherus look (4,3) 2 Become threadbare (4) 3 Catholic priest (6) 4 Hang on to (6) 5 Favour (4,4) 6 Scorches (5) 12 Sounding like a frog (8) 13 Casual tops (1-6) 15 Insect that bites live stock (6) 16 Britain’s only poisonous snake (6) 17 Home stereo systems (2-3) 19 Disorderly crowds (4)

Award-Winning Television

November 21 - 27 2005

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tvjohn@factuallyincorrectagain.com

This week’s TV metal from the woodwork: November 21 - 27 2005

Black Forest whackos

It’s Satanic on the Streets of London, as Mayhem Rock the docs on BBC2

HOT

Southern Comfort and Lemonade Lethal drink.

Lethal.

It tastes like shops’ own brand lemonade, only it gets you battered in minutes, as I discovered in The Yard at an unrespectable time of day last week. Your vomit actually cleans the toilet basin too.

Soaps Mmm, I’m coming over all woozy at the thought of the Hollyoaks daterape storyline, and the anti-spiking campaign. Firstly, the little tosspiece who’s been doing the spiking is the first immensely dislikeable character in Hollyoaks since Lewis left, which is a void that needed filling. Two thousand blondes of the description, ‘don’t like her, but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed’ apply to, just isn’t good enough.

Plus, on late night Hollyoaks, they showed the rape! There have been numerous flashbacks, which has been borderline bizarre for a 6.30pm time slot, but fair play, to the soap normally pre-occupied by putting the Chest back into Chester, putting the ape back into date rape with that monkey-chops prat, I’ll certainly drink to that.

reatures of the night , come out and play! We don’t bite, we do fight, and we can offer you lashings of satanic church-burning and ludicrous Scandinavians in corpse paint who make necklace charms out of their murdered bandmates gonads. A little something to stoke your fire on a cold November evening? You could do worse than taking a trip down Satan Street and pay a visit to This World: Death Metal Murders (BBC2, 9pm, Thurs) Whilst unemployed about a year ago, I read up extensively on the relationships between late 20th Century (and beyond, by the looks of things) nut-jobs Mayhem, Burzum, Emperor et al., who all seem to occupy the same basement in Oslo. Then they all fell out.

Counth Grishnackh murdered Euronymus in his pants in his apartment, and got rumbled because he then signed a record contract inside Euronymous’s house with his own blood. Like, duh. Oh, this is after they incinerated a few local chapels because, you know, they didn’t “dig” the satanic vibes of the Inner Circles preposturously inpenetrable brand of barf-speed black metal. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang made soup and bangles from the exhumed skull of ironically named former Mayhem member Death, and Faust, drummer in Emperor murdered a gay dude in a park, probably because he looked at him funny. Probably because he w a s decked

Fudge Tunnel 10

Appendix: I’m well aware the Black Forest is in Germany, not Norway, so don’t bother pointing it out. It’s all in the name of punnery

top to toe in corpse paint and trainers.

Anyway, he went to prison, as did Count Grishnackh, who continued to compose legendarily bad Burzum albums whilst incarcerated. Now, in 2005, Mayhem are still going, with members both alive and ex-cons, and This World has documented a portion of the 2005 tour, and, joy of joys, a brief history of how they became the Spinal Crap they are today.

Anyone not feverishly excited yet, should check out the foaming at the mouth going down on the internet forums. For instance: DCCXXIX, Thane of Torchless Night, who claims to be “At The Giddy Edge of Light”, who got the information from a Seasons of Mist mailout, reckons it “should be fairly interesting... and apparently they (Mayhem) are re-recording some of the Wolf’s Lair Abyss material.” But wait!

“It’s the same night as the Candlemass gig, but we’ve got Sky+ so we can record it” Phew, so long as the middleclass goths of the UK can use their expensive digital television to record the destruction of mankind twenty years on, it’ll be alright. Not how Mayhem pay a musical tribute to the lair of former Gladiator, Wolf too.

Such sweet boys.

If by any unlikely chance you need cheering up after that power-hour of metal stupidity, you can take some light-hearted relief on C4, where you can catch the end of Touching The Void (Thurs 9pm), that film where I think the climber has to saw his own arm off on a mountainside and climb down again clutching his lifeless limb.

Who says there’s nothing funny on television anymore? Not I. Lots of Love, TV Desk.

Film Channel 4 are showing a Bollywood film called Jism (Thursday, 1pm) which doesn’t require a recommendation. On Wednesday though, watch Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window, (ITV1 2.25), and earlier in the evening, you can catch Jean Claude Van Damme’s rear end (Streetfighter, five, 9pm)

Sport

DVDS TO RENT/BUY Oh what, another apology? You don’t deserve this. Last week I spent a significant amount of time guffing on about how dire War of the Worlds is, yet I neglected to mention a couple of key things. Firstly, that Peep Show - Series 2 was released on DVD last week (14th November), the same day as awesome rock-folly Dig! was also released. Peep Show, you don’t need us to tell you, is the best British televison show in several million years and series two is even better than series one and is better than everything. Dig! meanwhile, you may not know, and it’s equally hilarious. Essentially, a seven-year video diary condensed into two hours, of friends and rival “scene” bands of the late nineties, the Dandy Warhols and the Brian Jonestown Massacre, and their descent into petty squabbles and

NOT

Shoplifters Scummy, goodfor-nothing lowlife fuckers with no brains. Poorly raised, clueless cloth-eared cunt-rags, who’d rob their own mother if they weren’t using the cash to buy her more skag. Ugly, hideous acne-faced cock sucking fucktard pricks who wank off their own brothers. Smarmy, cunting motherf...

fights in the war of commecial success vs artistic integrity. Nobody wins, as The Dandys come away as up themselves toffs, and as for the BJM, they and their singer Anton Newcombe, manage to be both compelling, idiotic, scary and pathetic all at the same time. The whole film is one long ridiculous ride.

On Thursday, five seem of have this hilariously misguided belief that most of the country would rather watch Sam “Meat Loaf” Allardyce lead Bolton Wanderers onto a pitch against Turkish no marks Vitoria Guimaraes, than Eastenders on the other side.

Hey, you’ll probably get the same quantity of skinheads and thuggery, though. Kick Off 8pm

Radio Radio 2 continue their dominance of the airwaves, on Monday, by not only having child prodigy Rufus Wainwright discussing his musical influences with Jools Holland (9pm) (I’ll opt for pyjamas, watching male prostitutes whilst out on his trike as a child, and lifting shirts in Harvey Nicks), but later on, another child prodigy, Eliza Carthy is in session with Mark Radcliffe (11pm). So what do Radio 1 offer us on the same night, in a bid to tempt us away from the genuinely innovative and cutting edge line-up on their sister station? Starsailor.

Also on Radio 2 this week, Classic Songs (Wed 10pm) rocks Donna Summer’s I Feel Love. Which is a work of genius, by the way.

Monday

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November 21 - 27 2005

tv@gairrhydd.com/nofunnyemailaddress

Around Scotland

Prince Eddy

Joined At The Head

BBC1 3.50pm

BBC2 10.40am

C4 9.00pm

five 9.00pm

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19.00 Coast 20.00 The World 20.30 African School 21.00 Matt Monro: The Man With The Golden Voice 22.00 Nat King Cole 23.30 Legends 24.30 G8: Can you Hear Us? 01.30 African School 02.00 Legends 03.00 G8: Can you Hear Us? 04.00 Close chops, what happened to Friday’s TV listings, I hope heads rolled. I kill lambs”.

That’s right, it would appear we (and specifically me) have (has) a (some) hater(s). I’m sure that if you haven’t committed last week’s pages to memory yet you will be reaching for your TV Desk scrapbook that you keep now to check up on what was so special about that Friday’s listings.

Well, I took it upon myself to write the page in braille. It would appear that somebody didn’t appreciate this, so excuse me if I go a little Helen Keller on your ass. If you’re blind and reading this then please accept those textular comments as a personal attack. Meanwhile everyone should consider the good that my writing in braille has done already. This Sunday just passed saw a certain blind

6:10 The Hoobs: Swinging 6:35 The Hoobs: Picking Up 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends: The One With Ross's Thing 8:00 Just Shoot Me: Maya's Nude Photos 8:30 Will & Grace: Fred Astaire And Ginger Chicken 8:55 Frasier: Mixed Doubles 9:25 Pure Passion: I Love What I Do 9:30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 9:55 The Big Squeeze 10:20 The Cutting Club 11:10 Wakey Wakey Campers 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Ed: Second Chances 1:20 House Auction 1:50 Widow On The Hill Premiere 3:30 Countdown 4:15 Deal Or No Deal 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons: Fear Of Flying 6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder: Bully 4 U: Teacher 8:00 Priest Idol 9:00 Prince Eddy: The King We Never Had 10:00 Without A Trace: Party Girl 11:00 Dispatches: Iraq: The Reckoning 12:00 The Crush 1:35 The Truth About Female Desire: How We Work 2:35 Rhona Cameron's Lesbian Moments 3:35 King Of The Hill: The Miseducation Of Bobby Hill 4:00 When The Romans Came To Wales: The Celts 4:15 When The Romans Came To Wales: Celtic And Roman Conflict 4:30 King Jamie And The Angel 4:45 Handmade 2: Sarah Nagy Makes A Cake 4:50 Double Act 5:15 Animated Tales Of The World 2: The Shepherdess & The Chimney Sweep 5:30 Making It 2: Nkonzo, Pinky And Nokukhanya Weave A Grass Mat 5:35 Extra 3: Auf Deutsch - Verruckt Nach Fubball 6:00 Close Long program titles >>>> >>anything ever. bliss. yawn.

6:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live 7:00 GMTV2 8:35 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live 10:25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10 Judge Judy 12:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 1:30 Coronation Street 2:00 Emmerdale 2:30 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 Trisha 4:55 Sally Jessy Raphael 5:45 Movies Now 6:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here!

Jungle Drums 7:00 3rd Rock from the Sun I Am Dick Pentameter! 7:30 Spin City Toy Story 8:00 Airline 8:30 Airline 9:00 Real Crime: Mr Nice Guy 10:00 Office Monkey 10:30 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here Now! 11:30 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here!

Live 0:25 Coronation Street 1:00 Coronation Street 1:25 Coronation Street 1:50 Movies Now 2:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live man perform on Top Of The Pops. No, not David Blunkett but infact Stevie Wonder. Do not try to tell me that this is a coincidence that Stevie should appear on the show so soon after my braille.

6:00 Morning Glory 7:00 Morning Glory 8:00 Wake Up With... 9:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 10:00 Whatever... You Want 11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 On This Day 1:00 Hijacked By... Bananara 2:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Spell 3:00 My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One After Joey And Rachel Kiss 5:35 Friends: The One After Ross Is Fine 6:05 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Spell 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Switched 7:55 Friends: The One After Ross Is Fine 8:35 Friends: The One After Ross Is Fine 9:00 Hollyoaks Let Loose 10:00 The Fifth Element 12:30 Peep Show 1:00 Porn: A Family Business 1:35 Porn: A Family Business 2:10 Hollyoaks Let Loose 3:10 Peep Show 3:35 Porn: A Family Business 4:05 My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss 4:50 Fool Around... With Romeo I hear blind people the world over are feeling liberated.

Blunkett resigned see, probably after reading the paper, I don’t remember. You’re welcome.

06.00 Titch 06.10 Old Bear Stories 06.20 Rolie Polie Olie 06.50 Hi-5 07.25 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.20 Peppa Pig 08.30 Roobarb and Custard Too 08.40 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.50 Bird Bath 09.00 Softies 09.05 Franny's Feet 09.15 MechaNick 09.25 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.30 Film: "Sherlock Holmes In New York" 15.30 Film: "Columbo: Undercover" 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.15 The Gadget Show 20.00 Fifth Gear 21.00 Joined at the Head: Extraordinary People 22.00 TV Dramas That Changed the World 23.05 The Million Calorie Diet This is surely hyperbole. They haven’t done their maths. I vote the Subway diet.

Jared has Aides. heh. 24.35 Peter Benchley's Amazon An insight into Peter Benchley’s recent purchases from Amazon.com. 01.20 V8 Supercars Prerequisite of belonging to TV desk; thou must not drive. Some people are born to be driven. We are the chauffered. 01.50 NFL Live Monday Night American Football On a Tuesday morning? Wow, that’s the kind of off-kilter televisual programming the guys at five give us. First mentalist’s joined by the hair, and now this. What next, the woman with half a body? No, that was last week, and it was hilarious. She looked like a weeble. 05.35 Motorsport Mundial

PRIMETIME

6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show You Never Knew You Were Pregnant, So How Do You Know I'm the Dad? 10:30 This Morning 12:00 This Morning I'm a Celebrity Special 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 Today with Des and Mel 2:30 Crash Course 3:15 Planet's Funniest Animals 3:30 Pocoyo Hush 3:35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series The Sofa 3:50 Art Attack Mini Makes 4:00 Feel the Fear: Steve v Stings 4:30 You Say We Play: My Parents Are Aliens I say go play on the hard shoulder CITV. Go on, I dares ya.

5:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 6:00 Wales Tonight 6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 7:30 Coronation Street 8:00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 8:30 Coronation Street 9:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

10:00 Coronation Street 10:30 ITV News 11:00 The Food Show 11:30 The Guest List 0:00 Champions League Weekly 0:25 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

Live Not featuring Alex James of Blur, contrary to what TV Desk may or may not have said last week. I wasn’t here, I accept no blame. 2:00 60 Minute Makeover 2:55 Love 2 Shop and maim and pillage and slice and pummel and garrot and generally harm people due to the lack of vegetarian pizza on offer at gair rhydd towers this evening. Proof if proof be needs be that there is...hang about, news of a second wave. I’ll get back to you on that. 3:20 Redcoats 3:45 Entertainment Now! 4:15 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 4:40 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV Early Morning News

PRIMETIME

M I T E M I R P STUDENT SAVER

19.00 7 o'Clock News on BBC Three 19.30 Honey We're Killing the Kids Revisited 20.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 21.00 Trauma Uncut 21.30 Trauma Uncut 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Little Britain 23.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 23.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.00 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.30 The Comic Side of 7 Days 01.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 01.55 7/7 Citizen Journalists 02.55 Who Rules the Roost?

03.55 Close You guys probably don’t read any other parts of the paper, safe in the knowledge that we here at TV Desk provide you with your weekly dose of ‘everything you could ever possibly need ever’. I mean i was running the TV Gareth rat story weeks before news got a hold of it. But if you did happen to stumble across the letters page last week and if you did happen to read the text messages you may have seen somebody sent in a text message that read exactly like this: “My name is cock

6:00am: Close 7:00 CBBC 7:05 Jakers 7:30 The Stables 7:55 Newsround 8:00 Really Wild Show 8:30 CBeebies: Cbeebies Birthdays: Lazytown 9:00 Pingu 9:05 Clifford's Puppy Days 9:25 Something Special 9:40 Tweenies 10:00 The Future Is Wild 10:30 Primary Geography: Using the Land 10:40 Around Scotland 11:00 What? Where?

When? Why? 11:15 Words and Pictures Plus 11:30 Words and Pictures Plus 11:45 Look and Read 12:00 The Daily Politics 12:30 Working Lunch 1:00 The Maths Channel - Year 5 1:10 The Maths Channel - Year 6 1:20 The Maths Channel - Year 6 1:35 FILM: Red Ball Express 3:00 Castle in the Country 3:30 Thoroughly Modern Medic 4:30 Ready Steady Cook 5:15 Weakest Link 6:00 Eggheads 6:30 Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00 Dickens in America 8:00 Dubai Dreams 8:30 University Challenge 9:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 9:30 Broken News 10:00 The Irresistible Rise of Tony's Crony 10:30 Newsnight 11:20 In Search of Shakespeare Shakespeare...Dead.

12:20 Joins BBC News 24 1:00 BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel: Deutsch Plus 2 2:00 Working with the Germans The Italians and the AustroHungarians I’d imagine. 2:30 Eurografters: Germany 3:00 Make German Your Business 1 and 2 5:00 How to Learn a Language TV Desk speak bits of: TV Jane: School French (A at GCSE) TV Grace: School French (C at GCSE. boo.), 1-10 in Cantonese. TV Gareth: School German (A Motherfucker!!).

PRIMETIME

6:00am: Breakfast 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Foreign Exchange 11:45 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours Izzy has a growing dependence on pills, Steph and Max do what it takes to have a happy pregnancy, Janae and Karl's relationship comes under increasing scrutiny, and Paul and Izzy continue to cause chaos for their neighbours 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Diagnosis Murder 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Lazytown 3:50 Watch My Chops 4:05 Pinky and the Brain 4:30 Patrick's Planet 4:55 Blue Peter 5:20 Newsround Extra 5:35 Neighbours 6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Holiday 2006 7:30 Real Story with Fiona Bruce Here’s a real story that is set to shake the university to its core. The other day I was walking down the stairs within the union when lo and behold our Union President Pete ‘Gooders’ Gooders came charging down the stairs almost colliding with me because he was travelling on the WRONG SIDE. 8:00 EastEnders 8:30 The Taming of the Shrew 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 They Think It's All Over 11:05 Film 2005 with Jonathan Ross 11:35 FILM: Lawn Dogs 1:15am Antiques Roadshow 2:05 Sign Zone: Coast 3:05 Sign Zone: Mind Your Own Business

E

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6:10 The Hoobs 06:35 The Hoobs 07:00 B4 07:25 Friends 07:55 Just Shoot Me 08:25 Will And Grace: The Big Vent 08:50 Will And Grace: Will On Ice 09:15 Miss Match 10:10 Miss Match: Addicted To Love 11:05 Er: Carter Est Amoureux 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Planed Plant Bach 12:30 Ribidirês 12:45 Yoko!

Jakamoko! Toto! 13:00 Tecwyn Y Tractor 13:15 House Auction 13:45 Deal Or No Deal 14:30 Deal Or No Deal 15:15 Countdown 16:00 Planed Plant 16:00 Martin Mellten 16:23 Calendr Adfent 16:25 Hip Neu Sgip? 16:50 Ffeil 17:00 Richard & Judy 18:00 The Simpsons: Bart Vs. Australia 18:30 Rownd A Rownd 19:00 Wedi 7 19:30 Newyddion 20:00 Pobol Y Cwm 20:25 Cwpwrdd Dillad 21:00 04 Wal 21:30 Sioe Gelf 22:00 Space Cadets 23:00 Lost: Deus Ex Machina 00:00 Death By Sex 00:55 Hollyoaks: No Going Back 01:20 Is This The Real Life?: The Queen Story 02:15 Bollywood Sirens: Jism 04:40 Ed: New Car Smell 05:25 Diwedd/Close

Tuesday

November 21 - 27 2005

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guardianawardwinners@gairrhydd.com

I Sam

Dinner With Portillo

The Big Squeeze

Seduced

C4 12.10am

BBC4 8.30pm

C4 9.55am

five 1.30pm

19.00 7 O'Clock News on BBC Three 19.30 Trauma 20.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 21.00 Little Britain 21.30 Man Stroke Woman 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 23.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 23.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.00 Swiss Toni 24.30 The Mighty Boosh 01.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 01.55 Man Stroke Woman 02.25 The Comic Side of 7 Days 02.55 Swiss Toni 03.25 The Mighty Boosh 03.55 Close Yo bros what d’you know, I just got back from the rodeo. Not really, but for rhyming’s sake, let’s pretend. TV G to the areth here. Isn’t it fresh today? I don’t mean fresh in the same way that Gina G or Kool and the Gang meant but rather as in it’s rather cold out, isn’t it. One good thing about it is that you tshirt with scarf wearing idiots now have to wear a jacket aswell, so you look less of a prick. Thumbs up. Thanks to my girlfriend I’m generally

19.00 Coast 20.00 The World 20.30 Dinner with Portillo 21.00 A Waste of Shame 22.30 The Theatre Biz 23.30 Much Ado about Something Storyville 24.40 A Waste of Shame 02.10 Dinner with Portillo 02.40 The Theatre Biz 03.40 Rover: The Long Goodbye 04.20 Close somewhat of an all year round soup eater, but in the current climes it’s a particularly desirable meal/snack. So today I popped into the corner shop on my way back from another tantalising lecture and picked up a tin of Baxter’s Potato and Leek soup. A fine soup it is too, only negative being I’m now likely to smell of leek for the foreseeable future. Ah well, it’ll make a change to shit I suppose. I’ve had a good week this past seven days thanks. I had a most welcome visitor and I ate Chinese and watched all of series two of everybody loves Raymond and also had the benefit of a reading week. I vote more reading weeks. I went to see Hockey Night and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! last night and had a nice time.

6:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live 7:00 GMTV2 8:35 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live 10:25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10 Judge Judy 12:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 1:30 Coronation Street 2:00 Coronation Street 2:30 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 Trisha 4:55 Sally Jessy Raphael 5:45 Movies Now 6:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here!

Jungle Drums 7:00 3rd Rock from the Sun D3: Judgement Day 7:30 Spin City The Perfect Dorm 8:00 FILM: Doctor Dolittle 9:45 Orange Playlist 10:15 Movies Now 10:30 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here Now! 11:30 I'm a Celebrity..

Get Me Out of Here! Live 0:00 The Frank Skinner Show 1:00 3rd Rock from the Sun D3: Judgement Day 1:30 Spin City The Perfect Dorm 2:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here!

Live Normally I don’t like gigs but I must have had a good time because I don’t remember wishing death upon anyone. Except the girl who spent the whole of CYHSY’s set wailing ‘‘scuse me,

6:00 Morning Glory 7:00 Morning Glory 8:00 Wake Up With... 9:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 10:00 Whatever... You Want 11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 On This Day 1:00 Hijacked By... 2:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Bound 3:00 My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One With Ross's Tan 5:30 Friends: The One With The Cake 6:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Bound 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Switched 8:00 Friends: The One With Ross's Tan 8:30 Friends: The One With The Cake 9:00 Without A Trace: Lone Star 10:00 Rajan And His Evil Hypnotists 10:30 Rock School 11:00 The Ghost Squad: Heroes 12:05 Dubplate Dra 12:40 8 Out Of 10 Cats 1:10 Without A Trace: Lone Star 2:00 Rock School 2:30 Rajan And His Evil Hypnotists 2:55 No Angels 3:55 My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss 4:40 Switched 5:00 Fool Around... With I’m taking photos for Quench’. Yeh, that was annoying.

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06.00 Titch 06.10 Old Bear Stories 06.20 Rolie Polie Olie 06.50 Hi-5 07.25 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.20 Peppa Pig 08.30 Roobarb and Custard Too 08.40 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.50 Bird Bath 09.00 Softies 09.05 Franny's Feet 09.15 MechaNick 09.25 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.30 Film: "Seduced" 15.30 five news update 15.40 Film: "Never Say Never: The Deidre Hall Story" 17.30 five news followed by weather 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.15 Brian Sewell's Grand Tour 20.00 Revealed: Boudica's Treasures more prostitute jokes to make Dan and Geordie laugh. John’s not here, he’s watching the decemberists. I think it would be better if John was spelt ‘Jon’. “It looks more young”. This is always the worst bit...when i can see there is very little space left and i just want to fill it with any rubbish. Which i appear to have quite a knack for. I really wish you could be here to watch this whiteness disappearing, it’s rather life affirming, gives me a real sense of purpose...bollocks i still have pictures to do.

21.00 CSI: Miami 22.00 CSI:NY 23.00 Law and Order 23.55 Fifth Gear 24.55 The Dead Zone 01.35 NBA Basketball 04.30 Football

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6:00 Cubeez: A Windy Day 6:10 The Hoobs: Copying 6:35 The Hoobs: Toys 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends: The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion 8:00 Just Shoot Me: And The Femmy Goes To... 8:30 Will & Grace: I Never Cheered For My Father 8:55 Frasier: A Lilith Thanksgiving 9:25 Pure Passion: I Love What I Do 9:30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 9:55 The Big Squeeze 10:20 Sticks And Stones 11:10 Wakey Wakey Campers 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Ed: The Movie 1:20 House Auction 1:50 Identity Theft Premiere 3:30 Countdown 4:15 Deal Or No Deal 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons: Homer The Great 6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder: Bully 4 U: Bullied 8:00 Property Ladder 9:00 Make Me A Million 10:00 The Ghost Squad: Hardcore 11:05 Coldplay: Video Exclusive fat enough. Coldplay Video Exclusive. Urgh. And since then we have been working like maniacs in our attempts to get home quick. My back hurts. I think I may have twisted my spine off. Girls have been talking about girl stuff. Not periods.

Faux feminism and dream analysis. I’ve just been thinking of 11:10 Dispatches: Erica's Secret Shame 12:10 I Sam 2:30 Dubplate Drama 2:50 One Minute Past Midnight 3:00 Dispatches: Iraq: The Reckoning 4:00 Health & Social Care: Growing Up 4:25 Real Science: That's My Baby 4:50 Self Portrait Uk 14-19 5:15 Science In Focus Special: Fran Ashcroft - The Body In Balance 5:35 Extra 3: En Espanol Fanaticos Del Futbol 6:00 Close

PRIMETIME

PRIMETIME

6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show: Daughter, Admit You Stole My Husband 10:30 This Morning 12:00 This Morning I'm a Celebrity Special 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 Today with Des and Mel 2:30 Crash Course 3:15 Planet's Funniest Animals 3:30 Pocoyo Pocoyo Dance 3:35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series Nurse 3:50 MOM's Name That Tone 4:00 Jungle Run 4:30 My Parents Are Aliens: Goodbye Mr Flips 5:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 6:00 Wales Tonight 6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 7:30 Champions League Live Manchester United v Villarreal 9:45 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

10:30 ITV News 11:00 Champions League Highlights 0:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Live 2:00 Champions League 3:40 Mixmasters 4:05 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV Early Morning News Then the Cardiff Christmas lights were turned on live on local news. This was an anti climax until we could see the Firewroks going off in the distance. We had the best view in the city. My God this sounds like I am doing show and tell at junior school. desperate times, desperate measures. So then pizza came but it was a carnivore special so there was no vege stuff. But then reinforcements were sent. My god I sound like a spastic. Can I say that? Yes. I can. It wont be editing it out anyway. I will have gone home and be sleeping so whoever changes it will have to try to assimilate into my mind and type as if they were me. I dont think their fingers would be

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6:00: Close 7:00 CBBC: Looney Tunes 7:05 Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Wink 7:30 The Stables 7:55 Newsround 8:00 Really Wild Show 8:30 CBeebies: Cbeebies Birthdays: Lazytown 9:00 Pingu 9:05 Clifford's Puppy Days 9:25 Something Special 9:40 Tweenies 10:00 The Future Is Wild 10:30 See You, See Me 10:50 Primary Geography 11:10 Timewatch 12:00pm: The Daily Politics 12:30 Working Lunch 1:00 Pod's Mission 1:15 Pod's Mission 1:30 FILM: David and Lisa 3:00 Castle in the Country 3:30 Thoroughly Modern Medic 4:30 Ready Steady Cook 5:15 Weakest Link 6:00 Eggheads 6:30 Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00 Top Gear 8:00 Dragon's Den 9:00 Making Slough Happy 10:00 Grumpy Old Women anyway. In hindsight this was a mistake cos i got thirsty again and so had to fill the empty can with water.

The can had already been in the bin though so that was a bit unhygenic. It probably had pizza on it or something. Then i watched the 6 o clock news and there was some stuff about eastern european prostitutes working in Abigales in Cardiff. i never knew what Abigales was before so it was good to find out. TV Grace works right next door to it. She says she doesn’t hear noises though 10:30 Newsnight 11:20 African School 11:50 African School 12:20am: Joins BBC News 24 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: AS Guru: Study Skills 3:00 AS Guru: General Studies 1 4:00 AS Guru: General Studies 2

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6:00: Breakfast 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Foreign Exchange 11:45 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours Izzy's insecurities over Paul's lack of desire lead her into danger. Dylan enlists Boyd's help in his quest for revenge. Sky admits she is feeling neglected by Joe. The Bishops pressure Joe not to work for Paul 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Diagnosis Murder 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Lazytown 3:50 Pinky and the Brain 4:10 Jackie Chan Adventures 4:30 Patrick's Planet 5:00 Dance Factory 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours 6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Watchdog 7:30 EastEnders 8:00 Holby City 9:00 Shipmates 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 ONE Life 11:15 Medium 12:00am: FILM: Phantasm III 1:25 Sign Zone: See Hear 2:10 Sign Zone: ONE Life 2:50 Sign Zone: How to Rescue a House 3:20 Sign Zone: Natural World 4:10 Joins BBC News 24 Hey there. TV Gareth. TV Gareth should be fast becoming slang for “I really can’t be bothered to do this anymore”. Here’s what has been going down in the office this evening. Well I got here and there were no computers so i went and bought some cherry coke and regular coke from the games room. Then i drank the cherry coke and was going to save the regular for later but i got bored and just drank it

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

6:10 The Hoobs 06:35 The Hoobs 07:00 B4 07:25 Friends 07:55 Just Shoot Me 08:25 Will And Grace: The Big Vent 08:50 Will And Grace: Will On Ice 09:15 Miss Match 10:10 Miss Match: Addicted To Love 11:05 Er: Carter Est Amoureux 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Planed Plant Bach 12:30 Ribidirês 12:45 Yoko!

Jakamoko! Toto! 13:00 Tecwyn Y Tractor 13:15 House Auction 13:45 Deal Or No Deal 14:30 Deal Or No Deal 15:15 Countdown 16:00 Planed Plant 16:00 Martin Mellten 16:23 Calendr Adfent 16:25 Hip Neu Sgip? 16:50 Ffeil 17:00 Richard & Judy 18:00 The Simpsons: Bart Vs. Australia 18:30 Rownd A Rownd 19:00 Wedi 7 19:30 Newyddion 20:00 Pobol Y Cwm 20:25 Cwpwrdd Dillad 21:00 04 Wal 21:30 Sioe Gelf 22:00 Space Cadets 23:00 Lost: Deus Ex Machina 00:00 Death By Sex 00:55 Hollyoaks: No Going Back 01:20 Is This The Real Life?: The Queen Story 02:15 Bollywood Sirens: Jism 04:40 Ed: New Car Smell 05:25 Diwedd/Close

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

Thursday

November 21 - 27 2005

Page 33

televisionrotsthebrainandnumbsyoursoul@gairrhydd.com

The Queenʼ’s Cavalry

The Really Wild Show

Built for the Kill

Winking Cat

BBC1 8.30pm

BBC2 8.00am

C5 7.15pm

Bravo 3.47am

19.00 7 o'Clock News on BBC Three 19.30 Trauma 20.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 21.00 Who Rules the Roost?

22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Desperate Midwives 23.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 23.30 Trauma Uncut 24.00 Trauma Uncut 24.30 Who Rules the Roost?

01.25 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 02.25 Desperate Midwives 02.55 Spin by David Shrigley 03.55 Another rock’n’roll evening TV Grace style: I nearly got thrown out of "exclusive" new club Tantra on Saturday night for…wait for it… falling asleep! No one else seemed to be bothered by the fact that each song had been repeated about four times in the space of two hours. After a while the soothing voice of Akon began to numb my brain and I found myself snuggling up to the nearest cushion and drifting off into a deep sleep, dreaming of ...

...a place where the men weren’t orange and didn’t shave their chests.

They obviously felt that I didn’t contribute to the "bangin" arrr’n’b atmosphere. That’s ok. I didn’t like your silly, poncey nightclub anyway. Fuckers.

19.00 The Avengers 19.50 Sounds of the Sixties 20.00 The World 20.30 Mind Games 21.00 Tales from the Palaces 21.30 Battle for the Holy City: Days That Shook the World 22.30 The Late Edition 23.00 Don't Watch That Watch This!

23.30 QI 24.00 Tales from the Palaces 24.30 Battle for the Holy City: Days That Shook the World 01.30 The Late Edition 02.00 Don't Watch That Watch This!

02.30 Mind Games 03.00 Tales from the Palaces 03.30 Battle for the Holy City: Days That Shook the World 04.30 Close How to spot TV Gareth: He has hair like Jimmy Saville circa 1970. Beware.

6:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live 7:00 GMTV2 8:35 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here!

Live 10:25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10 Judge Judy 12:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 1:30 Airline USA Dazed and Confused 2:00 Coronation Street 2:30 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 Trisha 4:55 Sally Jessy Raphael 5:45 Movies Now 6:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Jungle Drums7:00 3rd Rock from the Sun Happy New Dick 7:30 Spin City The Gambler 8:00 New Homes from Hell 9:00 American Music Awards 2005 10:30 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here Now! 11:30 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live 0:30 The Ricki Lake Show 1:10 3rd Rock from the Sun Happy New Dick 1:35 Spin City The Perfect Dorm 2:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here!

Live 3:30 Teleshopping Isn’t it annoying when there’s a gap at the bottom of the page and you can’t be arsed to fill it up?

6:00 Morning Glory 7:00 Morning Glory 8:00 Wake Up With... 9:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 10:00 Whatever... You Want 11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 On This Day 1:00 Hijacked By... 2:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Unsafe 2:55 Playing It Straight 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One With The Home Study 5:30 Friends: The One With The LateThanksgiving 6:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Unsafe 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Switched 8:00 Friends: The One With The Home Study 8:30 Friends: The One With The LateThanksgiving 9:00 One Tree Hill: I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning 10:00 The Simple Life: Interns 10:30 Tommy Lee Goes To College 11:00 Bboozle: The Secret Tv Ge Show 11:40 Criss Angel Mindfreak 12:10 Queer As Folk 1:20 The Simple Life: Interns 1:50 Tommy Lee Goes To College 2:20 Bboozle: The Secret Tv Game Show 2:50 Criss Angel Mindfreak 3:15 Playing It Straight 4:15 Switched 4:35 Switched 5:00

06.00 Titch 06.10 Old Bear Stories 06.20 Rolie Polie Olie 06.50 Hi-5 07.25 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.20 Peppa Pig 08.30 Roobarb and Custard Too 08.40 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.50 Bird Bath 09.00 Softies 09.05 Franny's Feet 09.15 MechaNick 09.25 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.30 Film: "Cabin Pressure" 15.30 Film: "Storm Chasers: Revenge of the Twister" 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away The General Synopsis At Midday:High Southeast Iceland 1021 Expected Faeroes 1027 By Midday Tomorrow The Area Forecasts For The Next 24 Hours Viking North Utsire South Utsire Forties North 4 Or 5, Occasionally 6 At First. Wintry Showers At First. Good Cromarty Forth Tyne North 3 Or 4, Occasionally 5 At First.

Showers At First. Good Dogger Fisher German Bight North 4 Or 5, Occasionally 6 At First. Showers, Thundery At First. Mainly Good Humber Thames DoverNorthwest Veering North 4 Or 5, Occasionally 6 At First In Humber And Thames.

Showers. Good 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.15 Built for the Kill 19.45 UEFA Cup Football: Vitoria SC v Bolton Wanderers 22.00 House 23.00 Joined at the Head: Extraordinary People 24.00 John Barnes' Football Night 24.50 Golazo Football Show

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5:50 Grabbit The Rabbit 5:55 Inuk: The Dancing Bears 6:10 The Hoobs: Dinosaur 6:35 The Hoobs: Pop 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends: The One With The Jellyfish 8:00 Just Shoot Me: Shaking Private Trainer 8:25 Will & Grace 8:50 Frasier 9:20 The Great Pretenders 9:30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 9:55 The Hustlers: The Producers 10:20 In Search Of The Tartan Turban 10:45 Live Now, Pay Later: The Credit Card King 11:10 Wakey Wakey Campers 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Ed: New School 1:20 House Auction 1:50 Film: Odd Girl Out 3:30 Countdown Normally I’d fill this space with a bunch of numbers or sums but bloody Gareth has filled an ENTIRE page with numbers, the little scamp. I wouldn’t want you to think that we’re anything BUT professional at TV Desk.4:15 Deal Or No Deal 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons: Bart's Comet 6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:50 3 Minute Wonder: Bully 4 U: Bully 8:00 Gordon Ramsay's F Word 9:00 Touching The Void 11:05 Rolling Stones: Video Exclusive 11:10 Phantoms 1:00 Bollywood Sirens: Jism See: front page 3:40 Truel 3:55 4endurance: Wilderness Arc 4:20 Transworld Sport 5:15 Countdown 6:00 Close ... when visible sweat patches were a sign of a good night. I’d rather watch Top of the Pops. On a diffrent topic, TV Jane has a lovely swanky new hairstyle. I think she said her mum did it but she was blatently lying, the big diva. Gareth cuts his own.

You can tell. I don’t cut mine at all, hence the split ends.

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6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show Cheating Partners?

Lie Detector Results Special 10:30 This Morning 12:00 This Morning - I'm a Celebrity Special 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 Today with Des and Mel 2:30 Crash Course 3:15 Planet's Funniest Animals 3:30 Pocoyo Umbrella Umbrella 3:35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series The Visitor 3:50 The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers 4:00 All Grown Up! Lost At Sea 4:30 The Giblet Boys The Offal Truth 5:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 6:00 Wales Tonight 6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 8:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

9:00 Doc Martin 10:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

10:30 ITV News 11:00 The Welsh Weekend The Big Night Out 11:30 Soccer Night 0:00 Never to be Forgotten Play 0:30 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Live 2:00 Shoot the Writers! 2:25 Motorsport UK 3:05 Too Many Cooks 3:55 ITV at the Movies 4:20 Cybernet 4:45 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV Early Morning News No TV John tonight because, unlike the rest of us, he appears to have something that resembles a social life and has gallivanted off to a gig. Yes that’s right, a GIG. I remember a time when I’d quite happily bop the night away at a live music event.

Nowadays I find that they’re just too darn loud and it gets annoying when the man standing behind you pushes you "because he can" and there’s nowhere to sit when you get tired. Gone are the days...

P R I M E T I M E

6:00am: Close 7:00 CBBC: Looney Tunes 7:05 Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Winks 7:30 The Stables 7:55 Newsround 8:00 Really Wild Show 8:30 CBeebies: Cbeebies Birthdays: Lazytown 9:00 Pingu 9:05 Clifford's Puppy Days 9:25 Something Special 9:40 Tweenies 10:00 Future is Wild 10:30 Watch: Barnaby Bear 10:45 Something Special 11:00 The Chronicles of Narnia 11:15 Numbertime 1+87+597-4+333.874+4562323--343.2=a very large number.

11:30 Henry's Wives with Terry Deary 11:40 See You, See Me Money 12:00pm: The Daily Politics 12:30 Working Lunch 1:00 World Gymnastics Championships 2005 2:00 The Flying Gardener 2:10 Timewatch 3:00 Castle in the Country 3:30 Thoroughly Modern Medic 4:30 Ready Steady Cook 5:15 Weakest Link 6:00 Eggheads 6:30 Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00 The Culture Show 8:00 Restored to Glory 9:00 Death Metal Murders: This World 10:00 Sensitive Skin 10:30 Newsnight 11:20 The Culture Show 12:20am: Joins BBC News 24 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: GCSE Bitesize: Art 4:00 GCSE Bitesize ... our house, although they aren’t very hardcore- they ignored a packet of double chocolate chip cookies and munched their way through a packet of uncooked basmati rice, the losers. Even the mice are bloody hippies in my house.

We actually had a conversation the other day about the best lentil recipes. I’M COOL.

PRIMETIME

P R I M E T I M E

6:00am: Breakfast 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Foreign Exchange 11:45 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Diagnosis Murder 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Lazytown 3:50 Pinky and the Brain 4:10 Jackie Chan Adventures 4:30 Patrick's Planet 5:00 Dance Factory 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours 6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Big Red Bus 7:30 EastEnders 8:00 Bleak House Oh I do love a good period drama.

Sponsored by Always Ultra.

8:30 The Queen's Cavalry 9:00 Little Britain 9:30 The Worst Week of My Life 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 Question Time 11:35 This Week 12:25am: Sign Zone: Panorama 1:05 Sign Zone: Hotel on Sea 1:35 Sign Zone: It Beats Working 2:05 Sign Zone: Road Rage School 2:35 Sign Zone: Mind Your Own Business 3:05 Joins BBC News 24 Good evening children. Welcome to my first ever page written from the "comfort" of my own hovel. To be perfectly honest, I’ve seen skips that are tidier than my bedroom. They certainly smell better. I feel bad for teasing TV Gareth about his rat/maggot infestation as I’m sure there’s a hamster rustling around in my bedroom as I type this very page. There’s definitely a rodent party going on in...

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

06:10 The Hoobs 06:35 The Hoobs 7.00 B4 07:25 Friends: The One Where They Are Going To Party! 07:55 Just Shoot Me: Jack Vents 08:20 Will And Grace 08:50 Will And Grace 09:15 Miss Match: Something Nervy 10:10 Miss Match: Kate In Ex-Tasy 11:05 Er: You Are Here 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Planed Plant Bach 12:30 Ribidirês 12:50 Tomos A'i Ffrindiau 13:00 Triongl 13:15 3 Minute Wonder: Self Portraits 13:20 River Cottage Road Trip 14:25 Deal Or No Deal 15:15 Countdown 16:00 Planed Plant 16:00 O Na! Y Morgans 16:23 Calendr Adfent 16:25 Top Yr Ysgol 16:50 Ffeil 17:00 Richard & Judy 18:00 The Simpsons: Homie The Clown 18:30 Darn O Dir 19:00 Wedi 7 19:30 Newyddion 20:00 Pobol Y Cwm 20:25 Y Byd Ar Bedwar Penawdau Newyddion I Ddilyn / News Headlines Follow.

21:00 Gwynfor: Yr Aelod Dros Gymru? 22:05 Talcen Caled 23:00 Grand Designs: Clapham 00:00 WifeSwap 01:00 Hollyoaks: No Going Back 01:25 Without A Trace: Lone

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

Friday

Page 34

November 21 - 27 2005

fl@stanley.com

Brat Camp USA

Body Snatcher

Pimp My Ride UK

Channel 5 11.05pm

E4 9pm

BBC 2 12.35am

Channel 5

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

19.00 7 o'Clock News on BBC Three 19.30 Trauma is the look on my face as I realise that there is a Gair Rhydd hoody available that I didn’t know about, and the order has already been put in so I can’t get one along with the rest of the clan.

However TV Gareth hasn’t ordered one either because his girlfriend said it would be lame, so now I don’t feel so traumatised after all. I didn’t want one anyway. 20.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 21.00 Would You Buy a House with a Stranger? Nope 22.00 EastEnders aka ‘meatblenders’, ‘bigbenders’ ‘bentfenders’. 22.30 Little Britain 23.00 The Comic Side of 7 Days 23.30 Man Stroke Woman 24.00 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps How to get a gut. 24.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps One of my favourite culinary pastimes.

01.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 01.30 Would You Buy a House with a Stranger? 02.25 The Comic Side of 7 Days 02.55 Spendaholics 03.55 Close

19.00 Tales from the Palaces 19.30 Thoroughly Modern Antiques 20.00 The World 20.30 The Cinema Show 21.00 Legends TV Jane’s musical legends include: Jimi Hendrix, David Bowie, Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan, John Lennon and Rolf Harris, of course. Oh and Super Furry Animals, they’re fun and Welsh, gotta love ‘em. 22.00 The Highland Sessions 22.30 QI 23.00 The Late Edition 23.30 The Avengers 24.20 Film: "Le Feu Follet" 02.05 The Cinema Show This week I bought a DVD off t’internet called ‘Outfoxed’, which is all about Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News Channel and I highly recommend it if you’re into all that ‘Rupert Murdoch is an evil man who shouldn’t be allowed to own so many things because it’s scary and not fair on anybody else who wants to own things’ kinda stuff. 02.35 Legends 03.35 The Highland Sessions 04.05 Close the fridge door properly when you’ve finished otherwise you’ll end up destroying the milk of all the other people on the floor of your halls. And they won’t be......

6:00 GMTV2 9:25 Planet's Funniest Animals 9:55 Airline USA You Can't Win Them All 10:25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10 Judge Judy 12:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 1:30 Coronation Street 2:00 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 Trisha 4:55 Sally Jessy Raphael 5:45 Movies Now 6:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Jungle Drums 7:00 Spin City The Image Maker 7:30 ITV at the Movies 8:00 The Xtra Factor: Xcess All Areas 9:00 Unlikely Lovers 10:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here Now! 11:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here!

Live 11:35 Coronation Street 0:10 The Frank Skinner Show 1:10 The Ricki Lake Show 1:40 Spin City The Image Maker 2:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live .....happy about that. Oh and while we’re on the subject of halls and food, who ate my cheese? It was the red leicester that was in the door of the lefthand fridge. I don’t mind, if you own up, apologise and buy me a life-time supply of cheese. Really

6:00 Cubeez: One To Five 6:10 The Hoobs: Soft 6:35 The Hoobs: New Words 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends: The One With The Cat 8:00 Just Shoot Me: Nina's Choice 8:25 Will & Grace: Oh, No, You Di-In't 8:50 Frasier: Liar, Liar 9:20 Grudge Match 9:30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 9:55 Re-Writing History: What If The Millennium Bug Had Struck? 10:00 Tate Modern: A Different Point Of View 10:05 New Boy 11:05 National Gallery: Important People 11:10 Tate Modern: Abstract Art 11:15 Self Portrait UK 14-19 11:40 National Gallery: Myself And Others 11:45 Tate Modern: Distortion 11:50 National Gallery: Ordinary Lives 11:55 Tate Modern: Different Dimensions 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Ed: New Car Smell I hate that smell, it makes me feel sick. As does my mom’s old school perfume, ‘poison’ which used to stink out the car and make me sick. 1:20 House Auction 1:50 Incident In A Small Town Premiere 3:30 Countdown 4:15 Deal Or No Deal 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons 6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:30 Friends 8:00 Friends 8:30 The Simpsons 9:00 Heroes Of Comedy: Ronnie Barker 10:00 Peep Show 10:30 Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights 11:05 The Osbournes: The Show Must Go Off! 11:35 Bats 1:10 Nokia Totally Board 1:40 World Cup Snowboard 3:35 Dispatches: Kidnap And Torture Erican Style 4:35 Get The Picture 4:50 Second Time Around: Crack That Whip 5:15 Countdown 6:00 Close

6:00 Morning Glory 7:00 Morning Glory 8:00 Wake Up With... 9:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 10:00 Whatever... You Want It’s unlikely you’re gonna find it looking at the TV listings (unless you want to get a vague idea of what’s on TV).11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 On This Day 1:00 Hijacked By...

2:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Pariah 2:55 Playing It Straight 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One With The Birth Mother 5:30 Friends: The One Where Chandler Gets Caught 6:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Pariah 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Switched 8:00 Friends: The One With The Birth Mother 8:30 Friends: The One Where Chandler Gets Caught 9:00 Brat Camp Usa 10:00 The Fifth Element 12:30 Peep Show 1:00 Massive Balls Of Steel 1:35 Spoons 2:05 Spoons 2:35 Trigger Happy Usa 3:05 Trigger Happy Usa 3:25 Peep Show 3:50 Playing It Straight 4:50 Fool Around With... Nadia is this THE Nadia?

Oh dear. Oh no thank you.

7.30pm

06.00 Titch 06.10 Old Bear Stories 06.20 Rolie Polie Olie 06.50 Hi-5 07.25 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 07.45 Make Way for Noddy otherwise he’ll run up to his bedroom, empty all his little red and yellow pants from his chest of drawers, throw himself on the floor and bang his head against the bed post repeatedly. 08.00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.20 Peppa Pig 08.30 Roobarb and Custard Too 08.40 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.50 Bird Bath 09.00 Softies 09.05 Franny's Feet are not as nice as my feet, I like my feet, the toes go down in size from big to little evenly and they don’t smell. Bet you wanted to know that right?09.15 MechaNick 09.25 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.30 FiLM: "The Mountain" 15.35 FiLM: "Immediate Family" 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.30 Pimp My Ride UK 20.00 Stargate Atlantis 21.00 FILM: Grosse Pointe Blank 23.05 FILM: Fist of Fury 01.05 Commando VIP Uncut So you thought important people going without underwear for a day was hardcore? Well now it’s uncut. And really gross.02.05 Top Buzzer 02.30 The Love Boat 03.45 The Dead Zone 04.25 Russell Grant's Postcards 04.30 Lexx 05.15 Sunset Beach To continue the cheese theme of ITV2, whoever it was that stole my cheese, if you wish to remain anonymous then just buy me some more, write my name on it and put it in the fridge. That’d be great.

PRIME-

6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show I Slept with My Best Friend - Am I the Dad? Jeremy takes a DNA test to see if he really is the father of his best friend Bill’s child. Lets hope not, we don’t need any more Kyle blood on this planet. Results 10:30 This Morning 12:00 This Morning - I'm a Celebrity Special 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 Today with Des and Mel 2:30 Crash Course 3:15 Planet's Funniest Animals 3:30 Pocoyo A Mystery Most Puzzling 3:35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series Royal Bean 3:50 Planet Sketch 4:00 Disney's The Legend of Tarzan Rough Rider 4:30 Harry Hill's Shark Infested Custard 5:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 6:00 Wales Tonight 6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 7:30 Coronation Street 8:00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 8:30 Airline 9:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

10:00 The Sweeney - Must See TV 10:30 ITV News 11:00 Fact Hunt 11:30 The Frank Skinner Show 0:30 Numb3rs Sabotage 1:30 Shoot the Writers! Yeah! Let’s! As long as it’s not me or anyone else from TV Desk. 2:00 Entertainment Now! 2:25 ITV at Reading 2005 3:20 cd:uk Hotshots 3:45 The Springer Show 4:40 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 5:05 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV Early Morning News I’ve just overheard a conversation in the Gair Rhydd office: apparently the entire vocabulary of The Sun newspaper is 2000 words. This isn’t really a lot is it? Can’t say I’m surprised really.

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6:00am: Close 7:00 CBBC: Looney Tunes 7:05 Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Winks 7:30 The Stables 7:55 Newsround 8:00 Really Wild Show 8:30 CBeebies: Cbeebies Birthdays: Lazytown 9:00 Pingu 9:05 Clifford's Puppy Days 9:25 Something Special 9:40 Tweenies 10:00 The Future Is Wild 10:30 Primary History 10:50 Primary History 11:10 Primary History 11:25 Watch 11:40 Focus 11:50 Emotional Literacy 12:00pm: The Daily Politics 12:30 Working Lunch 1:30 World Gymnastics Championships 2005 2:30 The Perfect Holiday 3:00 Garden Invaders 3:30 Thoroughly Modern Medic 4:30 Ready Steady Cook 5:15 Weakest Link 6:00 Eggheads 6:30 Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00 Pregnant? You're Fired!

7:30 How to Rescue a House 8:00 Garden School 8:30 Gardeners' World Specials 9:00 Inside the Mind of Adolf Hitler not a very nice place to be quite frankly.

9:50 Posh Nosh 10:00 QI 10:30 Newsnight 11:00 Newsnight Review 11:35 Later with Jools Holland 12:35am: FILM: The Body Snatcher 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Open University and General Interest: Two Religions: Two Communities 2:30 The Copulation Explosion 3:00 Getting It Right 3:30 Rothko: The Seagram Murals 4:00 Harlem in the 60s 4:30 Glasgow 1998 - Supporting the Arts 5:00 Jump over Your Shadow 5:30 Ever Wondered? why? I wonder why all the time.

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6:00am: Breakfast 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Foreign Exchange 11:45 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours Ned struggles to bring Stuart back from the brink, Susan and Alex spend the night together, Susan warns Karl to distance himself from Janae and Boyd tries to tame Dylan's anger 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Diagnosis Murder 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Lazytown 3:50 Pinky and the Brain 4:10 The Scooby, Scrappy and Yabba Doo Show 4:30 The Basil Brush Show This week Basil heads down to the local pub to give the loo a good cleaning with his crazy brush head. 5:00 Blue Peter 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours 6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 A Question of Sport 7:30 Spending Other People's Money 8:00 EastEnders 8:30 Bleak House 9:00 Have I Got News for You My news for this week is...Umm...well the fact that the ‘Abygales’ ‘massage’ salon that’s been featured in the news this week is just around the corner from my boyfriend’s house, how exciting is that? Yeah, I know, it’s not exciting at all as it’s round the corner from most student’s houses.

9:30 Blessed 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross This week Jonny’s suit is day-glo orange lycra with black leather tie. 11:35 FILM: Patch Adams 1:30am: Joins BBC News 24

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6:10 The Hoobs 06:35 The Hoobs 07:00 B4 07:25 Friends 07:55 Just Shoot Me 08:25 Will And Grace: The Big Vent 08:50 Will And Grace: Will On Ice 09:15 Miss Match 10:10 Miss Match: Addicted To Love 11:05 Er: Carter Est Amoureux 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Planed Plant Bach 12:30 Ribidirês 12:45 Yoko!

Jakamoko! Toto! 13:00 Tecwyn Y Tractor 13:15 House Auction 13:45 Deal Or No Deal 14:30 Deal Or No Deal 15:15 Countdown 16:00 Planed Plant 16:00 Martin Mellten 16:23 Calendr Adfent 16:25 Hip Neu Sgip? 16:50 Ffeil 17:00 Richard & Judy 18:00 The Simpsons: Bart Vs. Australia 18:30 Rownd A Rownd 19:00 Wedi 7 19:30 Newyddion 20:00 Pobol Y Cwm 20:25 Cwpwrdd Dillad 21:00 04 Wal 21:30 Sioe Gelf 22:00 Space Cadets 23:00 Lost: Deus Ex Machina 00:00 Death By Sex 00:55 Hollyoaks: No Going Back 01:20 Is This The Real Life?: The Queen Story 02:15 Bollywood Sirens: Jism 04:40 Ed: New Car Smell 05:25 Diwedd/Close

Saturday

November 21 - 27 2005

Page 35

gairrhydd@betterthanyorkvision.com

Big Boss

Nuns On The Run

The Simpsons: Blood feud

Legend Of The Dragon

five 11.05

C4 11.20pm

C4 12:25pm

BBC1 8.10am

19.00 Three's Outtakes 19.05 International Rugby Union 20.05 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 21.05 Film: "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory" 22.40 Bodies 23.40 Man Stroke Woman 24.10 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.40 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 01.10 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 01.40 The Comic Side of 7 Days 559 560 561 562 563 564 565 566 567 568 569 570 571 572 573 574 575 576 577 578 579 580 581 582 583 584 585 586 587 588 589 590 591 592 593 594 595 596 597 598 599 600 601 602 603 604 605 606 607 608 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 618 619 620 621 622 623 624 625 626 627 628 629 630 631 632 633 634 635 636 637 638 639 640 641 642 643 644 645 646 647 648 649 650 651 652 653 02.10 Would You Buy a House with a Stranger? 03.05 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 04.05 Close

19.00 Mark-Anthony Turnage Getting Scorched 20.00 French Exchange 21.00 Swimmers 21.15 The Cinema Show 21.40 Film: "Spare Parts" 23.05 Don't Watch That Watch This! 23.35 Natural World 654 655 656 657 658 659 660 661 662 663 664 665 666 667 668 669 670 671 672 673 674 675 676 677 678 679 680 681 682 683 684 685 686 687 688 689 690 691 692 693 694 695 696 697 698 699 700 701 702 703 704 705 706 707 708 709 710 711 712 713 714 715 716 717 718 719 720 721 722 723 724 725 726 727 728 729 730 731 732 733 734 735 736 737 738 739 740 741 742 743 744 745 746 747 748 749 750 751 752 753 754 755 756 757 758 759 760 761 762 763 764 765 766 767 768 769 770 771 772 773 774 775 776 777 778 779 780 781 782 783 784 785 786 787 789 790 24.25 French Exchange 01.25 Turnage at the Barbican 03.25 Mark-Anthony Turnage Getting Scorched 04.25 Close

6:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live 9:25 Emmerdale Omnibus12:35 Coronation Street Omnibus 3:45 Date My Daughter 4:30 Movies Now 4:45 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?5:45 The Xtra Factor: Xcess All Areas6:45 Planet's Funniest Animals 7:15 International Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2005 9:30 The Xtra Factor 10:15 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here Now! 791 792 793 794 795 796 797 798 799

6:00 Morning Glory 7:00 Morning Glory 8:00 The All Star Wake Up Call 9:00 The All Star Wake Up Call 10:00 Whatever...

You Want 11:00 Whatever...

You Want 12:00 T4 Poll Winners Party With Smash Hits 2:00 Hit40uk 2:35 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5:00 Friends: The One Where Monica And Richard Are Friends 5:30 Friends: The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner 6:00 Brat Camp Usa 7:00 Wife Swap 8:00 Friends: The One Where Monica And Richard Are Friends 8:30 Friends: The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner 9:00 The 100 Greatest Movie Stars 12:10 Porn: A Family Business: Mid-Life Crisass 12:45 Porn: A Family Business: Up And Cumming 1:25 Wife Swap 2:25 Average Joe 3:10 Hit40uk 3:35 Porn: A Family Business: Hurrah and praise the lord. I Mid-Life Crisass 4:00 Switched hope you enjoyed our little run down, there’s probably a channel 4:25 Average Joe 5:05 Brat Cp USA There were highs and lows, five list program in it.

TV Jane will vouch that when i 11:15 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me was on the 760s there was an Out of Here! Live 11:40 The X incident involving me skipping to Factor 0:40 The X Factor the 770s, but we battled on and Results 1:10 Emmerdale here we are at 800 issues.

Omnibus 4:10 I'm a Celebrity..

Whoop-de-fucking-doo.

Get Me Out of Here! Live

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06.00 Sunrise 06.55 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 07.25 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 07.40 Make Way for Noddy 07.55 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08.15 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08.30 Franklin 09.00 Gerald McBoing Boing 09.30 The Secret of Eel Island 09.50 The Ice Cream Machine 10.00 Dragon Booster 10.30 Hercules: the Legendary Journeys 11.25 Home and Away Omnibus 13.30 Film: "Till Dad Do Us Part" 15.25 Joey 15.55 Joey 16.25 Film: "Kidnapped" 18.15 Charmed 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 443 444 445 446 447 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461 462 463 464 465 466 467 468 469 470 471 472 473 474 475 476 477 478 479 480 481 482 483 484 485 486 487 488 489 490 491 492 493 494 495 496 497 498 499 500 501 502 503 504 505 506 507 508 509 510 511 512 513 514 515 516 517 518 519 520 521 522 523 524 525 526 527 528 529 530 531 532 533 534 535 536 537 538 539 540 541 542 543 544 545 546 547 548 549 550 551 552 553 554 555 556 557 558 19.00 Film: "Tokyo Raiders" 20.50 five news and sport 21.10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 22.10 Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 23.05 Film: "The Big Boss" 24.55 Film: "Lured Innocence" 02.30 The Love Boat 03.45 Sunset Beach 04.25 Sunset Beach 05.05 Russell Grant's Postcards 05.15 Trading Spouses

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6:00 Cubeez: Up And Over 6:10 The Hoobs: Roma's Visit 6:35 The Hoobs: Behind You 7:00 French Football: Le Chpionnat 7:30 4endurance: Microsoft Uk Challenge 8:00 The Morning Line 8:55 T4 T4: Futurama: The Farnsworth Parabox 9:25 T4: Pure T4 10:00 T4: Friends: The One With Ross's Denial 10:35 T4: Popworld 11:25 T4: Friends: The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance 11:55 T4: The Simple Life: Interns 12:25 T4: The Simpsons: Blood Feud 1:00 T4: Totally Frank 1:30 T4: Friends: The One With Joey's Porsche 2:00 Channel 4 Racing From Newbury And Newcastle 4:00 A Place In The Sun 4:30 Deal Or No Deal 5:15 Gordon Ramsay's F Word 6:15 Unreported World: Somalia: Al-Qaeda's New Haven 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 6:45 Channel 4 News 7:10 Preachers To Be 8:10 The Crucified Soldier 9:10 Road To Perdition Premiere 11:20 Nuns On The Run 1:00 4music: Dubplate Drama 1:20 4music: 4play: Dead 60s 1:35 4music: 4play: Sigur Ros 1:50 4music: Hit40uk 2:15 Copa Sudericana 3:10 World Touring Car Chpionships 4:05 4endurance: Microsoft Uk Challenge 4:30 Second Time Around: Coupling Up 4:55 Second Time Around: Secrets 5:15 Countdown 6:00 Close

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6:00 GMTV 9:25 MOM 11:30 cd:uk 12:30 ITV News; Weather 12:35 ITV Wales News and Weather 12:40 FILM: Inspector Gadget's Last Case: Claw's Revenge 2:00 Inspector Morse Deceived by Flight 4:00 Record of the Year: The Final Countdown 4:30 ITV Wales News and Weather 4:45 ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5:00 New You've Been Framed! 5:30 Movie Music Mania 6:30 The X Factor 7:30 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

8:30 The X Factor Results 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 212 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 323 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 9:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

10:15 Parkinson 11:20 ITV News 11:40 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

Live 3:00 cd:uk 3:50 Entertainment Now! 4:20 Cybernet 4:45 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV Early Morning News

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6:00am: Breakfast 9:00 Weekend 24 10:00 Saturday Kitchen 11:30 Rachel's Favourite Food for Friends 12:00pm: See Hear 12:50 Film 2005 with Jonathan Ross 1:20 Cagney and Lacey 2:10 FILM: Sherlock Holmes and the Voice of Terror 3:10 The Rockford Files 4:00 Monk 4:45 Rugby Union. Wales v Australia 7:10 What the Papers Say 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 7:20 Backlash 8:00 Inside the Mind of Adolf Hitler 8:50 Auschwitz: The Nazis and The 'Final Solution' 9:40 Bodies 10:40 Family Guy 11:00 American Dad 11:25 Ideal 11:55 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 12:25am: FILM: Superfly 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Open University and General Interest: Hidden Visions 2:30 Lifelines 3:00 Sickle Cell Disease - A Lethal Advantage 3:30 Lost Worlds 4:00 Making Contact 4:30 Open Advice - A Meeting of Minds 5:00 The Addiction Files 5:30 Background Brief 5:45 Snapshots: Leaping into Uncertainty

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6:00am: CBeebies: Tikkabilla 6:35 Pingu 6:40 Pingu 6:45 Pingu 6:50 Brum 7:00 CBBC: Tom and Jerry Kids 7:25 Arthur 7:50 Taz-Mania 8:10 Legend of the Dragon 8:35 The Scooby and Scrappy Show 9:00 Dick and Dom in da Bungalow 11:00 Top of the Pops Reloaded 11:45 Sportsround 12:00pm: BBC News; Weather 12:10 Football Focus 1:00 Grandstand 1:05 Cricket: Pakistan v England Preview 1:10 Sailing 1:25 World Gymnastics Championships 2:15 International Rugby Union Scotland v New Zealand 4:30 Final Score 5:20 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5:40 Weakest Link 6:30 Strictly Come Dancing Yo dudes, some sections of the paper are doing special things to celebrate the 800th issue. WE here at TV Desk always provide you with the highest quality listings so it is not possible for us to push the boat out.

Here instead we will celebrate the past 800 issues by printing the issue number of each issue: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 7:45 The National Lottery Jet Set 8:20 Casualty 9:10 Strictly Come Dancing 9:40 Carrie and Barry 10:10 BBC News; Weather 10:30 Match of the Day 11:40 FILM: The Wraith 1:15am: Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 2:15 Joins BBC News 24

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

6:10 The Hoobs 06:35 The Hoobs 07:00 B4 07:25 Friends 07:55 Just Shoot Me 08:25 Will And Grace: The Big Vent 08:50 Will And Grace: Will On Ice 09:15 Miss Match 10:10 Miss Match: Addicted To Love 11:05 Er: Carter Est Amoureux 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Planed Plant Bach 12:30 Ribidirês 12:45 Yoko!

Jakamoko! Toto! 13:00 Tecwyn Y Tractor 13:15 House Auction 13:45 Deal Or No Deal 14:30 Deal Or No Deal 15:15 Countdown 16:00 Planed Plant 16:00 Martin Mellten 16:23 Calendr Adfent 16:25 Hip Neu Sgip? 16:50 Ffeil 17:00 Richard & Judy 18:00 The Simpsons: Bart Vs. Australia 18:30 Rownd A Rownd 19:00 Wedi 7 19:30 Newyddion 20:00 Pobol Y Cwm 20:25 Cwpwrdd Dillad 21:00 04 Wal 21:30 Sioe Gelf 22:00 Space Cadets 23:00 Lost: Deus Ex Machina 00:00 Death By Sex 00:55 Hollyoaks: No Going Back 01:20 Is This The Real Life?: The Queen Story 02:15 Bollywood Sirens: Jism 04:40 Ed: New Car Smell 05:25 Diwedd/Close

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Sunday

Page 36

November 21 - 27 2005

donttouchmethere@youbadman.com

Pillow Talk

five 1.15pm

BBC4 7.20pm

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6:00 I'm a Celebrity. Get Me Out of Here! Live 9:25 cd:uk 10:25 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 11:30 With a Little Help from My Friends 12:30 Emmerdale Omnibus 3:40 Coronation Street Omnibus 6:55 The X Factor 8:00 The X Factor Results 8:30 The Xtra Factor9:10 Real Crime: Kenny Noye - A Face from the Past 10:10 Planet's Funniest Animals 10:30 Coronation Street11:00 I'm a Celebrity..

Get Me Out of Here Now! 0:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live 0:45 My Teen's a Nightmare - I'm Moving Out 1:45 The Frank Skinner Show 2:40 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live independent mentality of the scene. Several bands cited what they saw as mistreatment of bands such as Jawbox and Jawbreaker while they were signed to majors as a reason to stay away. The conflict felt within many of the courted emo bands resulted in their break-ups, including Texas Is the Reason and Mineral...And so concludes part three. My god this saves time. Awesome-o.

06.00 Softies 06.05 Titch 06.15 Old Bear Stories 06.30 Rolie Polie Olie 06.55 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 07.25 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 07.40 Make Way for Noddy 07.55 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08.15 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08.30 Franklin 09.05 Gerald McBoing Boing 09.35 Demolition Dad 09.50 The Ice Cream Machine 10.00 Michaela's Wild Challenge 10.30 Make It Big 11.05 The New Tomorrow 11.35 Heroes of History 12.05 A Different Life 12.35 The History of British Sculpture 13.05 five news update 13.15 FILM: “Pony Express Rider" 15.15 FILM: "Kundun" 17.40 Joey 18.10 Joey Texas Is the Reason, California's Knapsack and Sense Field, Austin's Mineral, and Boston's Piebald and Jejune.Strangely, as "indie emo" became more widespread, a number of acts who otherwise would not have been considered part of the "indie emo" scene had their albums referred to as "emo" because of their similarity to the sound. The hallmark example was Weezer's 1996 album Pinkerton, which, in later years, was considered one of the defining "emo" records of the 90s.

18.35 five news and sport 18.50 FILM: "Who Am I?" 21.00 Bruce Lee: Martial Arts Superstar 22.00 FILM: "Enter the Dragon" 24.05 Bruce Lee: The Lost Interview 24.40 Adventure Triathlon 01.05 NBA Action 01.25 NFL Live: Sunday Night Game of the Week 04.45 Dutch Football

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19.00 The Periwig Maker 19.20 FILM: "Pillow Talk" 21.00 Legends 22.00 A Waste of Shame 23.25 Britten's Children 24.55 Legends 01.55 A Waste of Shame 03.25 The Cinema Show 03.55 Close Ring, Christie Front Drive, Mineral, Knapsack, and Arizona's Seven Storey Mountain. In 1998, Deep Elm Records released the first in a series of compilations called Emo Diaries, which featured tracks from Jimmy Eat World, Samiam, and Jejune. In 1999, famed 70s compilation label KTel even released an emo compilation titled Nowcore: The Punk Rock Evolution, which, regardless of its source, was surprisingly comprehensive. (Nowcore included tracks by Texas Is the Reason, Mineral, The Promise Ring, Knapsack, Braid, At the Drive-In, and Jawbox, among others.) With the late-90s emo scene being more national than regional, major labels began to turn their attention toward signing emo bands with the hopes of capitalizing on the genre's popularity. Many bands resisted the lure, citing their loyalty to the

6:00 Cubeez: Busy Bears And Boingles 6:10 The Hoobs: Bubbles 6:35 The Hoobs: Bouncing 7:00 Transworld Sport 7:55 World Cup Skiing 8:55 T4 T4: Hit40uk 9:25 T4: Futurama: Three Hundred Big Boys 10:00 T4: Hollyoaks Omnibus 12:30 T4: Friends: The One On The Last Night 1:00 T4: Totally Frank 1:35 T4: H Side Story 2:05 T4: Friends: The One Where Phoebe Runs 2:35 T4: The Simpsons: Lisa's Pony 3:10 T4: Stargate Sg-1: Sacrifices 4:05 T4: Star Trek: Enterprise: Daedalus In ensuing years, bands such as The Promise Ring, Braid, Elliott, and The Get Up Kids emerged from the same scene and gained national attention. The area around Phoenix, Arizona became another major scene for emo.

Inspired by Fugazi and Sunny Day Real Estate, former punk rockers Jimmy Eat World began stirring in emo influences into their music, eventually releasing the album Static Prevails in 1996. The album was arguably the first emo record released by a major label, as the band had signed with Capitol Records in 1995. Other bands that followed the Sunny Day Real Estate model of emo included New York's 5:00 T4: The Simpsons: Saturdays Of Thunder 5:30 Scrapheap Challenge 6:30 Lost: In Translation 7:30 Channel 4 News 8:00 Not Forgotten: Class 9:00 The Queen's Sister 11:05 Confessions Of Madonna 12:05 FILM: Baseketball 1:55 Dubplate Dra 2:10 King Of The Hill: The Good Buck 2:35 Monster Mania 3:00 Kotv 3:30 French Football: Le Chpionnat 5:20 Countdown 6:05 Close

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19.00 Three's Outtakes 19.15 Farscape 20.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 21.00 Stars in Fast Cars 21.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 22.00 Little Britain 22.30 Man Stroke Woman 23.00 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 23.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.00 The Comic Side of 7 Days 24.30 Swiss Toni 01.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 01.55 Man Stroke Woman 02.25 Stars in Fast Cars 02.55 Swiss Toni 03.25 The Comic Side of 7 Days 03.55 Close As the wide range of emo bands began to attract notoriety on a national scale, a number of indie labels attempted to document the scene. Many emo bands of the late 90s signed to indie labels including Jade Tree Records, Saddle Creek, and Big Wheel Recreation. California's Crank Records released what many considered the defining compilation of 90s emo in 1997, titled (Don't Forget to) Breathe, which featured tracks by The Promise

6:00 GMTV 6:00 News 6:10 The Sunday Programme 7:25 Life 9:25 The Championship 10:25 Skillz 10:55 The X Factor 11:55 The X Factor Results 12:25 Record of the Year: The Final Countdown 12:55 Jonathan Dimbleby including ITV News and Weather 1:50 ITV Wales News and Weather 1:55 Waterfront 2:25 International Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2005 3:55 The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby 5:55 A Story of Cardiff 6:25 ITV Wales News and Weather 6:35 ITV News; Weather many fans split the genre into two brands: the "hardcore emo" practiced in the early days and the newer "indie emo". In the years that followed, several major regions of "indie emo" emerged. The most significant appeared in the Midwest in the mid-90s.

Many of the bands were influenced by the same sources, but with an even more tempered sound.

These bands included Boy's Life, Christie Front Drive, and Cap'n Jazz. This brand of emo was often referred to as "Midwestern emo" given the geographic location of the bands.

6:50 Emmerdale 7:20 Creature Comforts Animals in the Hood 7:30 Coronation Street 8:00 Heartbeat Burden of Proof 9:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! 10:30 OFI Sunday 11:15 ITV News11:30 Fact Hunt 0:00 Faith and Music 0:45 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Live 2:00 FILM: Electra Glide in Blue3:55 Maggie: The First Lady Her Father's Daughter 4:50

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6:00am: CBeebies: Tikkabilla 6:35 Pingu 6:40 Pingu 6:45 Pingu 6:50 Brum 7:00 CBBC: Looney Tunes 7:10 Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo 7:30 Smile 10:00 Sunday Style 11:30 The Perfect Holiday 12:00pm: FILM: Tuesdays with Morrie 1:25 Sunday Grandstand 1:35 World Gymnastics Championships 3:00 Tri-Nations Rugby League 3:50 Rugby Special 5:10 Matthew Pinsent in Beijing 5:30 West Coast Otters 5:40 Dive Galapagos 6:10 Natural World 7:00 Top of the Pops 7:35 Malcolm in the Middle The heavier label support allowed the band to secure performances on TV shows, including The Jon Stewart Show. As a result, the album received widespread national attention. As more and more people learned about the band, particularly via the fledgling Internet, the band was given the tag "emo".

Even where Fugazi had not been considered emo, the new generation of fans shifted the tag from the earlier hardcore style to this more indie rock style of emo. It wasn't uncommon for Sunny Day and its peers to be labelled with the full "emocore". However, when pressed to explain "emo", 8:00 Top Gear 9:00 In Search of Speed 10:00 Egyptian Journeys with Dan Cruickshank 10:30 Match of the Day 2 11:30 Arrested Development 11:55 Arrested Development 12:15am: FILM: Wise Blood 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: WorkSkills: Money Matters: Spend or Save? 3:00 Balance Your Books 4:00 Deal with Debt 5:00 Account for Yourself

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6:00am: Breakfast 7:45 Match of the Day 9:00 Sunday AM 10:00 Stranger in the Manger?

11:00 Countryfile 12:00pm: The Politics Show 1:00 Keeping Up Appearances 1:30 Cash in the Attic 2:00 Diagnosis Murder 2:45 EastEnders 4:40 Last of the Summer Wine 5:10 Songs of Praise 5:45 Bleak House Here is the continuation of TV Gareth’s (Wikipedia’s) further misadventures into emo: The Second Wave (1994–2000) As Fugazi and the Dischord Records scene became more and more popular in the indie underground of the early 1990s, new bands began to spring up. Combining Fugazi with the post-punk influences of Mission of Burma and Hüsker Dü, a new genre of emo emerged. Perhaps the key moment was the release of the album Diary

by Sunny Day Real Estate in 1994. Given Sub Pop's then-recent success with Nirvana and Soundgarden, the label was able to bring much wider attention to the release than the typical indie release, including major advertisements in Rolling Stone.

6:45 Antiques Roadshow 7:35 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 8:00 Rocket Man 9:00 Egypt 10:00 BBC News; Weather 10:15 Panorama 10:55 Rome 11:50 FILM: The Deadly Bees 1:15am: Sign Zone: Holby City 2:15 Sign Zone: Tales from the Green Valley 2:45 Sign Zone: Tales from the Green Valley 3:15 Sign Zone: Bill Oddie's How to Watch Wildlife 3:45 Joins BBC News 24

P R I M E T I M E

Pony Express Rider

ITV1 1.55pm

P

W aterfront

BBC1 2.00pm

E

029 20229977

Diagnosis Murder

I

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

06:10 The Hoobs 06:35 The Hoobs 07:00 Transworld Sport 08:00 World Cup Skiing 09:00 Hit40uk 09:25 Hollyoaks 09:55 Hollyoaks 10:25 Hollyoaks 11:00 Hollyoaks 11:30 12:00 The Simpsons 12:30 Yr Wythnos 13:00 Maniffesto 13:30 Rownd A Rownd 14:00 Rownd A Rownd 14:30 Gordon Ramsay's F Word No. 34: Frankenstein. 15:30 Dudley 16:00 Cwpwrdd Dillad 16:30 04 Wal 17:00 Welsh In A Week 17:30 Newyddion 17:35 Pobol Y Cwm Omnibws 19:30 Canu'r Cymoedd 20:00 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 20:30 Cefn Gwlad 21:00 Dal: Yma/Nawr 22:20 Ffrsys Wyrs 22:30 Blas Y Cynfyd 23:00 Film: Stepmom Sentimental tosh with, I believe, Julia Roberts.

01:20 Film: Mystic Pizza Oh what’s this, more Julia Roberts nonsense, which is about pizzas, but is in no way mystical. 03:15 Film: The Iron Ladies Biopic about Iron Maiden groupies of the 1980’s.

05:05 Unreported World 05:30 Diwedd/Close

‘Scopes & Jobs

Page 38

November 21 2005

jobs@gairrhydd.com

Helping the needy with Crystal Pants

F

ellow star gazers hello. The Cosmos has been a bit preoccupied so this week’s stars are based purely on my own fancy, and so have even less baring on your lives than usual. Good luck in your coping with life, mortals.

ARIES - Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

A housemate will dream that you are a Nazi sympathiser on Weds., and low and behold you'll realise you are always have been. But you are an Aries, and so was Hitler, so feel safe in your principles and dashing good looks, and consider growing a neat moustache. Question if the Jews took your rent and poisoned your water.

Love: You will probably hurriedly marry someone and then carry out a mutual suicide because you are a bit of a fascist old man.

TAURUS - Apr. 21 - May 21

This week you will sporadically assume the guise of Willie Carson, the champion racehorse jockey. You will find yourself citing the pros and cons of hexagonal horseshoes and preaching the virtues of "riding" a horse to "beat" other men in a race for "cash".

Love: You love to love, but your baby just loves to dance. Ask yourself when you had time to have a baby and not realise it. Maybe your baby dances to escape the loveless home life you provide for it?

GEMINI - May 22 - Jun 22

Your Twin will tragically lose a leg this week. In the heat of the moment you offer them one of yours. They will snap up the offer/leg and roam free, whilst you are left mono-legged and unbalanced.You will tragically lose a leg this week and think that life (as you know it) is over. Cry a lot, certain someone will offer you one of theirs and grab it. Now go skip in meadows, dance through the undergrowth and cartwheel over your sibling's broken dreams.

CANCER - June 23 - July 23

This week not only will you have your arm broken by a swan, but said swan will also run you out of town forcing you to leave behind all your possessions and loved ones. They will learn to love the swan more than you anyway, with his silly quack and waddle.

You will then plot to avenge the swan by destroying every one/thing it loves.

You will succeed before realising all he loved was all you loved, so you have inadvertently destroyed yourself - boohoo. Never trust swans or yourself.

LEO - July 24 - Aug 23

You return home from study camp this week with the exciting revelation that you want to be a medic. No-one will care because your face and general being is abhorrent to everyone.

Love: Your loving dad and stepmum announce they are pregnant at long last. You try your best not to plot to steal a second child from them, but can't promise anything, and everyone seems to have forgotten about that episode anyway.

VIRGO - Aug. 24 - Sept. 23

This week why not pull out Daniel O'Donnell's heart and eat it. As you begin to chew you'll realise his heart is made out of Ryvita and shards of glass. Not only does it taste like cardboard but it is slicing up your tender mouth.

Love: It is hard to want to kiss a sliced and diced open wound of a

mouth, so even in the after world you will be smacked in the face by acute loneliness.

LIBRA - Sept. 24 - Oct. 23

On Tuesday you will all most probably look in a fridge, there is a chance you will find some kind of food there.

This week, socks may dry and underwear be worn. The stars predict that the sun will also most probably rise at some point. Somewhere in the world someone may be born or die.

Love: You can't help but look at carpets and want to lick them. All shapes, colours and sizes you crave, you need, you want. And they seem to want you so go for it.

Swydd/Job:

Data Entry Associate

Swydd/Job:

Team Leaders/Fundraisers

Ardal/Area:

Cardiff

Ardal/Area:

Cardiff

Tal/Wage:

£10 per hour

Tal/Wage:

£5.34p/hr and £6phr from

Oriau/Hours:

Full time

Oriau/Hours:

40 hrs per week during holidays

Parhad/Duration: 20 days

Parhad/Duration: January

Manylion/Details: Clinical research company

Manylion/Details: Charity requires Team Leaders

SCORPIO - Oct. 24 - Nov. 22

This week you will enter the shower in the morning and eventually wash all memory, thoughts and concept away until you are left bare of persona.

Upon exiting the shower you will deny knowledge of your ‘family’ and ‘friends’ choosing instead to spend lengthy bouts of your new extensive free time doing voluntary work for a well-known pharmaceutical company.

Love: You washed any remnants of love away along with your dirt and your soul, although you do rather love sticking the labels on the pill bottles.

SAGITTARIUS - Nov. 23 - Dec. 21 Kerry Katona's recent starring roles in Iceland adverts inspire you to start up a career in comedy. Using her famed 'indifferent' face as a comedy base you begin to take the comedy world by storm* *A very slow, big-breasted, desperate, kind of obscure storm.

Love: You love frozen chicken-wings and cocktail sausages because you are such a down-to-earth girl, who sells her story and her soul at every opportunity. Meanwhile someone you like very much will put your slipper in their mouth.

CAPRICORN - Dec. 22 - Jan. 20

This week you will find a forgotten land within the confines of your left digit, so small it's invisible to all but the most imaginative eyes and completely hidden from all but the worst microscopes. After spending time in your new found premises you happen upon a forgotten land within the confines of the forgotten land of your left digit. You now live in your left digit all the time.

Love: Within left digit forgotten lands you reign over all, and mini people worship at your erm... digit.

AQUARIUS - Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

This week you will enter the Matrix dressed as a small didgeridoo.

Unfortunately the costume is not entirely convincing and Neo inadvertently mistakes you for a rather fetching grizzly bear. Upon entering said grizzly bear, Neo realises his mistake when he understands why bears are deemed "grizzly" after a coming-together that ends in the death of the chosen one.

PISCES - Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Hungry, hungry hippos will be set loose from a local zoo by antiactivists. These famished hippos will storm through your house in search of brightly coloured balls. If you have housemates with abnormally colourful heads, smurfs for example, place them in the hippopotami's path and you should survive the attack unscathed.

Hoorar!

requires someone to enter data

and Fundraisers to increase

into a database at Cardiff

awareness raise donations and

Hospital. Must have a keen

maintain team morale.

attention to detail.

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

056

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

054

Swydd/Job:

Play Worker/Club Worker

Swydd/Job:

Exhibition Person

Ardal/Area:

Cardiff

Ardal/Area:

Cardiff

Tal/Wage:

£5.50 - £7.50 dep on experience

Tal/Wage:

£50/day + bonus

Oriau/Hours:

Mon - Fri 3pm - 6pm

Oriau/Hours:

All days available (9am-6pm)

Parhad/Duration: Ongoing

Parhad/Duration: Ongoing

Manylion/Details: Play Worker/Club Worker

Manylion/Details: Modern photography company

required to work helping a com

requires 2 people to man promo

pany running before and after

tional exhibitions. You must be

school clubs for children,

friendly and motivated and have

Essential requirements: Welsh

your own transport.

speaking or learning.

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

055

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

053

UNISTAFF JOBSHOP is a great FREE service for students. We are here to help you find part-time work while you study. Work is available within the University and Students' Union as well as with local companies. You can choose from one-off assignments or more regular part-time work. Once registered with us, you will receive regular free updates of new vacancies as they come in via email. The Jobshop is based on the ground floor of the Students' Union (opening hours 10am-4pm Monday-Friday).

Telephone: 029 20781535, Email: jobshop@cf.ac.uk

Sport

Page 42

November 21 2005

sport@gairrhydd.com

WINNING OPERATION

By Paul Hunt Sports reporter Cardiff Medics Netball Swansea

51 47

CARDIFF MEDICS NETBALL can feel pleased with their performance in beating local rivals Swansea 51-47. in a game in which each side won two quarters the medic dominance during the middle of the game was enough for them to record their second consecutive victory.

The Medics had their captain, Verity Simon, to thank for not being further behind after the first quarter as her accurate shooting made the best of the relatively few chances created by the home team. Swansea had the best of the possession in the first quarter, got the ball forward quickly and accurately. If they had a shooter like Simon it would have been a very different game.

The defence was solid and the shooting accurate As it was, the Medics only trailed by four after the first quarter and even that deficit was soon overturned as the Medics tightened up their defence. It was no coincidence that the Medics

best period coincided with that of defensive players Lex Wannacott and Jess Hall. With the route to the net blocked for Swansea, the Medics team quickly took the lead in the second quarter, and by the time the game was stopped for one of the Swansea players to change her shoes the Medics were ahead, and they had reversed the

shoot further and further back in the D as their substitutions at half time meant that their team seemed not to know each others games well enough to counter the Medics threat.

Swansea, trailing by nine going into the final segment of the game, played with renewed urgency and vigour, hassling the Cardiff players when in posPHOTO: JAMES PEROU

MEDICS: dominant throughout deficit by half time, leading by four.

With the defence solid and the shooting still relentlessly accurate the Medics played Swansea out of the game. Swansea was so starved of opportunities that they were forced to

session and jumping desperately for every rebound and 50-50 ball. Their improved play nearly paid off as they closed within three of the Medics team during the last few minutes, only to lose by four.

Mad about canoe

By Rafaat Malki Canoe Polo Reporter ON SUNDAY 13TH NOVEMBER seven Cardiff University students were competing in the British University Canoe Polo League, in Liverpool’s Queen’s Docks.

There were five games all together spaced throughout the day. The first match was against Sheffield Hallam.

This was the first time the team had played together at a competitive level.

So it came as a shock to the opposition when David Hoare managed to get past the defence within the first minute to score.

The early goal demoralised the opposition which fell back into playing a defensive game this lead to a final score of 4-0 the remaining goals were score by Matthew Creed, Owen Lewis and Christopher McLeish.

The next two games were against Friends of Allonby 4 (the hosts) and Lancaster who also fell pray to Cardiff’s early goal strategy.

The scores in both games were 3-2 and 4-1 respectively. Cardiff ’s aggressive offensive plays were undermined

by Manchester’s highly adaptable team who exploited their weakened defence.

Their good marking skills and powerful paddling lead to a crushing defeat

of 5-0. However, the team recovered well enough to defend strongly against a competent Liverpool team who failed to score.

Despite an all out, no energy left last game, Cardiff failed to break Liverpool’s defence and the game ended 0-0.

For Cardiff’s first outing as a team they performed very well, spurred on at every free moment by their coach and captain Owen Lewis. After this, the second of the one day tournaments, Cardiff now stand 6th in the Open League and are eager to return in March and move up the table.

PHOTO: Rafaat Malki

CARDIFF: Hot on the water

One goal wonder

By Andrew Barclay Sports reporter Cardiff Medics Men’s Hockey 1 Swansea 0 STRAIGHT FROM THE push-back, the Medics were under immense pressure from Swansea. As a result, the Medics were playing incredibly deep and compact, which piled increasing pressure upon themselves.

If it had not been for the talented display in goal from the Medic captain David Harvie or the desperate, last ditch jabs from Ali Rosie and John Taylor, then Cardiff would have been out of the contest in the first half.

As the half progressed, the Medics found their feet. They began to capitalise on Swansea’s over-commitment and on several occasions hit them hard on the break through great inter-play from Tom Cromarty and Rob Grounds on the right. Even so, shots on goal in the first half were few and far between.

The second half was more structured and purposeful for the home team. Swansea were a constant threat

to the Medic D however, and they were again unlucky to miss out on a brace of goals.

The Medics began to open Swansea up as Cardiff ’s superior fitness showed. Matthew Tyson was a total nuisance to the centre-back pairing from Swansea by staying high on the pitch, becoming an outlet for the Medic clearances and turning to attack with his mazy Indian dribble.

It was the medics who made the break through with 15 minutes to go in the game. A probing run from Lawrence Haywood in midfield, ended with a straight strike being saved by the ‘keeper. In the ensuing chaos, there was another shot saved high on the ‘keeper’s chest which fell to the opportunist Tyson, who slotted the ball home to make it 1-0.

Swansea were pouring forward in numbers to equalise, but the Medic defence had the composure to break out.

This really was a game that the Medics should not really have won.

The shot ratio was massively in Swansea’s favour, which showed that Cardiff simply took their chance when it came.

N-ice start for Cardiff Red Hawks

By James Woodroof and Alex Lloyd Ice Hockey Reporters Cardiff Red Hawks Southampton Spitfires

7 4

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S ICE Hockey firsts, the Red Hawks, began their BUIHA season with a dramatic win over Southampton Spitfires last weekend.

The visitors took the lead against the run of play, but the Red Hawks controlled the possession and evened it up after five minutes with Francis Akinnoye assisting Matt Tinsley in a frenetic attacking move. They didn’t rest on their laurels, and took the lead at 11:50 through James Allan and extended it at 15:22 when Richard Thomas skated hard from defence into the Spitfires zone and shot low, beating Southampton’s keeper Pekka Raittila to make it 3-1 at the end of the first period.

The tempo increased as the Red Hawks went for the kill. Andrew Stoodley scored twice within four BLOOD SPORT: tough game

minutes, and Nick Bliss made it 5-1 at 27:54.

Stoodley’s second was the goal of the night, as Dane Barrington showed he too could carry the puck from defence to assist Stoodley’s backhander upstairs.

Southampton wouldn’t roll over, as Dan Baldwin and Adam Wood linked up twice within three minutes to peg it back to 6-3 going into the third period.

The final period got underway at a similar tempo as the Spitfires showed good fitness despite being short on lines.

But Cardiff were just too strong, as Nick Bliss got the Red Hawks seventh and his second of the night at 48:20 assisted by Dave Butler. The Spitfires grabbed a late consolation when Jusso Santti’s low shot took a deflection.

Red Hawks goaltender Phil Eddy received the game puck for some fine saves against the breakaway.

Red Hawks captain Bleddyn Carrington was delighted with the 7-4 win, “It’s just reward for our hard work. It bodes well for the season ahead”.

Sport

November 21 2005

Page 43

sport@gairrhydd.com

A FITTING TRIBUTE

By Tim Lewis Sport Editor

Momed 2005/06 Momed Old Boys

2 3

LAST SATURDAY, past and presents players of Momed AFC gathered to pay tribute to former Captain Matt Johnson, who tragically died last month. The match took place thanks to the hard work of former Captains Chris Wathan and Neil Mantell.

Over twenty past Momed players made the trip to Cardiff to take part in a game against the present Momed XI, in honour of Johnson’s hard work and love for the club.

Bad weather throughout the week led to the game being moved from its original venue at the Blackweir pitches to the Astroturf pitch at UWIC. A minute silenced was held as a mark of respect before the game and both sets of players were determined to put in a performance fitting to the occasion.

The artificial surface made for an extremely high-tempo opening fifteen minutes as the younger generation of Momed players tried to capitalise on their opposition’s lack of match practice. With some fierce tackling in the midfield, the Old Boys showed they were taking the game very seriously.

Owain Adams, one of the best players ever to play for Momed, was in fine form up-front, linking up well with Steve Edmonds to cause the young back four all sorts of problems with their movement and pace.

They failed to put away a few half-

chances before the defence started to limit their time on the ball.

Nick Blundell and Nick Lewis were acquitting themselves well in the midfield against their more experienced opposition, allowing them no time on the ball to settle into the game. It was the current Momed team who took the lead first.

A long ball from the left was delicately back-heeled by James Woodroof into the path of Asher Pirie, who finished well from 15 yards.

The old boys hit back almost immediately. A winding run by Owen Williams down the left eventually forced a corner that was bundled home from close range by Steve Edmonds. The old boys began to make the most of their physical presence and dominated for the next ten minutes.

It wasn’t long before they got the second goal, the classy Adams up front getting onto the end of a through ball to casually side-foot past the ‘keeper.

Changes were made on both sides

at half time to allow everyone to take part in the occasion, and there was little to choose between the two sides for much of the second half.

Both goalkeepers pulled off some outstanding saves to keep the scoreline down, young Momed ‘keeper Dan playing through the pain of a badly bruised finger. Ian Jack was at his commanding best for the old boys defence, limiting the young lads to a series of half-chances and long shots.

The game opened up in the last twenty minutes as players pushed forward looking to grab some glory, and the game was put out of the reach of the young Momed when Tom Stevens scored to put the old boys 3-1 up with only ten minutes left to play.

Alex Banner did grab a late consolation goal but by then it was too late for any sort of comeback.

Thanks to the help of the AU and club-sponsors Pinnacle, the game was made possible at such short notice. A collection after the game helped to raise over £320 that will be sent to Matt’s family and will be donated to a charity of their choice.

OLD BOYS: fatter

Cardiff 2nd XI Newport

0 0

CARDIFF PLAYED out a goalless draw on Wednesday against Newport to register their first points of the BUSA season. With the football played in temperatures that seemed to match the score line, the game suffered from neither side’s ability to carve out a clear goal scoring opportunity.

With both sides playing with a five man midfield, space in the centre was tight and no sequence of passing play was established by either team at any point during the game. While Cardiff dominated possession they were unable to create any penetration past the Newport back three.

With little space and time on the ball in midfield, every ball was challenged for vigorously and there were countless bad challenges coming in from both sides. A number of decisions angered both sides.

Substitutions on 70 minutes saw Cardiff revert to a more traditional 44-2 formation. The new formation led

Cardiff to immediately start playing better football. The best chance fell to Benny Thomas, who had been commanding in midfield but managed to send a drilled-in ball wide from only two yards. Cardiff will now be hoping to take the positives from this game into their next fixture. These include Francis McGowan’s impressive performance on the left of midfield, and

By Jon Berridge Chief Rugby Reporter Gloucester University Cardiff 1st XV

13 24

IN WINNING THEIR third BUSA match of the season against Gloucester, Cardiff secured a first away win of the campaign.

Despite this, Cardiff, as at Oxford last week, conceded an early try with the Gloucester full-back breaking through a series of tackles to give his side a 5-0 lead.

Cardiff responded emphatically with wing Jon Walder crossing the line following a long pass from flyhalf Sam Burford. Cardiff kicker Tom Eastham who began the match in his more familiar role of scrum-half kicked over the conversion to give Cardiff a 7-5 lead.

The frantic opening continued with the Gloucester kicker slotting over a penalty to restore his team’s lead after he had previously missed his first two kicks. Again Cardiff responded immediately, but failed to convert sustained pressure into points in the first half. Wing Dan Pollard nearly scored in the corner but was bundled into touch.

Cardiff regained the lead early in the second half, Eastham converted a simple penalty to make the score 10-

By Billy Hemstock Golf Reporter

Dull in the chill

By Steve Myerscough Sport Reporter

1st class win

the Cardiff back four’s success at keeping a clean sheet. Jamie Gallagher and James Ford, right and left back respectively, both also had good games.

After the game captain Lewis Barr rightly put Cardiff’s failure to win a game they should have done down to their ‘lack of creativity and a failure to take our chances’.

CARDIFF GOLF 1STS comfortably beat UW Aberystwyth despite a disappointing start which left Cardiff two down after the first two matches.

Led by Elliot Shaw, the Cardiff team took an early blow with Shaw narrowly loosing his match on the eighteenth green. UW Aberystwyth seemed to take control of the match by winning the second game convincingly with a 5/4 score line. This left the third match crucial to the outcome of the fixture and fortunately for Cardiff, James Millard, back from suspension, cruised to a 4/2 victory.

Millard neatly hit the 17th green in regulation with a crisply struck seven-iron before rolling a ten foot putt into the heart of the cup for

By Ellie Jordan Snowsports Reporter HILL END, EDINBURGH played host to the British University Dry Slope Championships this weekend.

More than 40 universities and well over a thousand students descended upon the city for a weekend of racing.

Despite the 92mph hurricane winds, which forced the Friday’s events to be postponed until Saturday, spirits were still high and Cardiff came back out to pick up BUSA points.

Mike Hatcher stole the event with NO GOALS: Boring

8 to the visitors. The lead was deserved as Cardiff dominated the line out with locks Adam Frampton and Ben Sedgwick regularly stealing Gloucester ball. The Cardiff pack excelled throughout the match with flanker James Cole particularly impressive. Cole made strong first up tackles and persistently turned over possession in Cardiff ’s favour. The backs too looked menacing, despite the absence of centre Tom ‘big time’ Bowls due to injury.

Cardiff put the game beyond the hosts with, a flowing move from the backs instigated by an initial break from Jon Walder led to versatile wing Dan Pollard crossing the try line in the corner following a sublime pass from number eight Owain Gwywedd Griffith. Tom Eastham showed considerable composure to kick the difficult conversion to extend the lead to 17-8. Cardiff again pressed forward and scored a well-worked try. Dummy runs from Matt Hopper and replacement Alex Huntly baffled the Gloucester defence; which led to Dan Pollard releasing Jon Walder who sped to the try line for his second try of the match against the University of his home county. Eastham converted to give Cardiff a 24-8 lead and even a late Gloucestershire try failed to take the gloss off an impressive win for Cardiff. birdie. It showed how far he has developed as a player within a year.

The match continued in Cardiff’s favour with Richard Union making the step up from the second team, with a crushing 4/3 win. The result was now in the balance leaving the fate of the Cardiff team up to the team captains Chris Orr and Dave Thomas.

Orr joined the Cardiff charge to victory with an impressive 4/3 win.

Orr had already birdied four holes through fourteen holes and on the fifteenth he nonchalantly added another to ensure his win.

Purposely playing at number six because he enjoys pressure, Thomas violently hooked his iron shot on the seventeenth hole only to find his ball in the rough ‘sat up like a coconut’.

He swept his ball green side and completed a 2/1 win. his lightning descent of the slalom ski course that saw only 144 out of 330 racers finish. It was a tense wait to hear the final result, but Hatcher beat last years’ BUDS winner by a 0.2 sec lead to take top spot.

Elsewhere Cardiff put up a respectable performance, with two unfortunate disqualifications spoiling the chances of Cardiff winning the team event.

The boarders also put in an admirable effort, with a special mention to Anwen Henshaw, as a novice to Snowboard racing, she beat 41 other hopefuls to come ninth in the Giant Slalom individual event.

Spor t gair rhydd

IMG: Rain stops play... again.

Dave Menon investigates Page 42

PLUS: Canoeing, Lacrosse, Tennis, Rugby, Football and Frisbee Page 44

By Ed Jones Sport Editor

Cardiff Ladies’ 1st Cardiff Ladies’ 2nd Cardiff Ladies’ 3rd Cardiff Men’s 1st Cardiff Men’s 2nd Cardiff Men’s 3rd Cardiff Men’s 4th

XI XI XI XI XI XI XI

4 2 2 6 7 4 3

-

1 0 0 4 1 1 2

Southampton 1st XI Bristol 3rd XI Aberystwhyth 2nd XI Southampton 1st XI Aberystwhyth 1st XI UWE 3rd XI Southampton 3rd XI

CARDIFF’S HOCKEY players completed a clean sweep last Wednesday by winning all seven of their fixtures. No club has fielded more winning sides on a single day this year. 21 BUSA points were won in a single afternoon.

Nowhere was the success enjoyed more than on the hockey coach to Southampton, which took some 50 players and supporters to compete in three fixtures. The Ladies’ 1st XI (see page 43), the Men’s 1st XI and the Men’s 4th XI all won important encounters on the south coast. The day ended when Simon Trevenna grabbed a late winner for the Fourths to make the 100% record certain.

The toughest fixture appeared to be the Men’s 1st XI tie with the current leaders of their BUSA division.

However, the league-leaders were toppled by a rampant Cardiff in an enthralling and eventful encounter.

Southampton took an early lead through a neatly-worked short-corner but Cardiff always threatened.

Tom Moore soon levelled the scores with his eleventh of the season.

Southampton replied from another short-corner to regain the lead.

At this point, the boisterous travelling support, combined with the pace and verve of Cardiff’s play,

began to tell on the home players.

Three yellow cards were awarded in the first half for dirty challenges and dissent. At one stage, Southampton were down to nine men. Facing quality (if ill-tempered) opposition, Cardiff had to make their numeric advantage count. Martin Freshman netted the second before another short-corner gave Cardiff the chance to take the lead for the first time in the game. Tony Gough, whose muscular defending prevented goals at the other end, swept home at the near post to give Cardiff a 3-2 lead.

In the second half, with eleven players to each team, Cardiff continued to create chances. Paul Hayes (pictured below) scored their fourth and fifth goals. The pacey nuisance pushed in at the far post for his twelfth and thirteenth goals of the season.

The 5-2 lead seemed impressive but Southampton continued to look dangerous on the counter-attack. In an agonising spell for Cardiff, the home side pulled two goals back in the later stages of the game.

However, at 5-4, Cardiff were given the chance to put the result beyond doubt. A penalty-flick was awarded when Hayes’ shot was blocked on the goal-line. The defender had slid to stop the effort, but prevented a goal with his body before clattering into the frame of the goal. Captain Duncan Courteney whipped home the flick, sealing a memorable win.

PHOTO: Ed Jones GAIR RHYDD AND QUENCH MAGAZINE ARE PUBLISHED BY UNIVERSITY UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN ■ REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE ■ GAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS ■ THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS ■ THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF UNIVERSITY ■ MENON SETS OFF FIRE ALARM AND LEAVES TOM TO TAKE THE BLAME ■ MY LITTLE PEANUT HEAD WILL BE IN THE PAPER NEXT WEEK ■ LET MENON BE A NEWS EDITOR - SPORT BEGIN CAMPAIGN ■ CYPRUS ARE VERY UNDER-RATED IN WORLD FOOTBALL ■ IF ENGLAND WIN THE WORLD CUP I WILL EAT THE WHOLE PAPER ■ I ACTUALLY THINK PINNACLE ARE QUITE GOOD ■ 800 ISSUES BEFORE WE GET NEW COMPUTERS - THAT WAS QUICK ■ FIRE, PEST, HATS, FIRE AGAIN ■ YORK - DAMN

Wednesday

Page 32

November 21 - 27 2005

tvdesk@homebeforemidnight.com

Crash Course

V iew from River Cottage

Iʼ’m a Celebrity...

BBC2 1:00pm

ITV1 2:30pm

Ch4 8:00pm

ITV1 0:00am

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

2. Always go for a waistline which sits above the hips to give that all important "onion in sack" look. 3: Team this with a Louis Vuitton handbag. These are no longer the price of a semi, you can obtain an identical fake from your local market.

Be the envy of all your friendsjust team this with some gold jewellery and you’ll look a million dollars.

19.00 7 o'Clock News on BBC Three 19.30 Trauma 20.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 21.00 Spin by David Shrigley 22.00 Film: "Beverly Hills Cop II" 23.40 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 24.10 Desperate Midwives 24.40 Desperate Midwives 01.10 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 02.05 Spin by David Shrigley 03.05 Desperate Midwives 03.35 Desperate Midwives 04.05 Close

...On this occasion my thimblesized portion was empty before the lights had even gone out.

What film was I watching? The Corpse Bride, if you’re interested.

19.00 Let Freedom Ring: Days That Shook the World 20.00 The World 20.30 Yes, Prime Minister 21.00 French Exchange 22.00 House of Cards 23.00 A Little Light Music 24.00 Searle's Progress 01.00 Let Freedom Ring: Days That Shook the World 02.00 French Exchange 03.00 A Little Light Music Ray of LIGHT: Madonna, Anything by Electric LIGHT Orchestra (E.L.O), LITE Funky Ones (L.F.O), The LIGHThouse Family, The LIGHTning Seeds, There is a LIGHT that Never goes Out: The Smiths, You are a LIGHT: Pavement, Do You See the LIGHT: Snap!, ReLIGHT My Fire: Take That and Lulu. Turn off the LIGHT: Nelly Furtardo. Love Shine a LIGHT by Katrina and the Waves. LIGHTsabre Cocksucking Blues: McClusky, Shine a LIGHT: The Constantines, LIGHTness: Death Cab for Cutie.

6:00 I'm a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! Live 7:00 GMTV2 8:35 I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! Live 10:25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10 Judge Judy 12:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 1:30 Coronation Street 2:00 Coronation Street 2:30 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 Trisha 4:55 Sally Jessy Raphael 5:45 Movies Now 6:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Jungle Drums 7:00 3rd Rock from the Sun 7:30 Spin City Hey Judith 8:00 The Xtra Factor: 24/7 9:00 My Teen's a Nightmare I'm Moving Out 10:00 Planet's Funniest Animals 10:30 I'm a Celebrity..

Get Me Out of Here Now! 11:30 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live 0:00 Coronation Street 0:35 Coronation Street 1:05 Office Monkey 1:35 3rd Rock from the Sun 2:00 I'm a Celebrity.. Get Me Out of Here! Live Oh pooh. I hate these gaps. Oh... what shall I say? Shall I remind you of my love for Brian Blessed? Or shall I just type crap?

...I had left my shoe behind me.

And when someone stopped to ask me if I was ok, I didn’t realise that my music was still playing at full volume and responded with an eloquent: "BLURRGH ARRRGH".6:00 Morning Glory 7:00 Morning Glory 8:00 Wake Up With...

9:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 10:00 Whatever... You Want 11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 On This Day 1:00 Hijacked By... 2:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Scare 2:55 Playing It Straight 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits 5:35 Friends 6:05 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Scare 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Switched 7:55 Friends: The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits 8:30 Friends: The One With Ross's Grant 9:00 Desperate Housewives: Fear No More 10:00 Wife Swap 11:00 Lost: Numbers 12:00 Point Pleasant: 12:55 Desperate Housewives: Fear No More 1:45 Wife Swap 2:45 Point Pleasant: Swimming With Boyd 3:25 Playing It Straight 4:25 Switched 4:45

06.00 Titch 06.10 Old Bear Stories 06.20 Rolie Polie Olie 06.50 Hi-5 07.25 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.20 Peppa Pig 08.30 Roobarb and Custard Too 08.40 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.50 Bird Bath 09.00 Softies 09.05 Franny's Feet 09.15 MechaNick 09.25 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.30 Film: "Trial by Media" 15.25 five news update 15.30 Film: "The Belarus File" I remember “Belarus”by the Levellers quite fondly, for it was during a live performance of this song that my mother broke her leg. I’ve actually had the misfortune to taste chocolate from Belarus. It tastes like all your worst nightmares.

17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.15 Deep Blue: Octopus Odyssey 20.00 Commando VIP 20.30 Dumber and Dumberest 21.00 Film: "Street Fighter" 23.00 The Real CSI 23.30 The Gadget Show 24.25 NASCAR Motor Racing 01.15 ITU Triathlon World Cup 02.05 Golf: European Seniors Tour Championship 02.55 NASCAR Busch Series 03.45 Race and Rally UK 04.10 Argentinian Football 04.40 Argentinian Football Talking of nightmares, I’ve been having some seriously weird dreams recently. Send in your dreams to us at TV Desk and we’ll have a stab at anaylsing them. Or we’ll call you crazy.

PRIMETIME

6:00 Cubeez: Hop, Skip & Jump 6:10 The Hoobs: Dark 6:35 The Hoobs: Hobbies 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends: The One At The Beach 8:00 Just Shoot Me: Softball 8:25 Will & Grace: Speechless 8:50 Frasier: Our Father Who Art Ain't Heaven 9:20 My Eden 9:30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 9:55 The Big Squeeze 10:20 Freshly Squeezed 10:45 Deadsville 11:10 Wakey Wakey Campers 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Ed: The Decision 1:20 House Auction 1:50 Million Dollar Murder Premiere 3:30 Countdown 4:15 Deal Or No Deal 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons: And Maggie Makes Three 6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder: Bully 4 U: Parent 8:00 The View From River Cottage 8:30 Jamie's Great Escape 9:00 Grand Designs Revisited 10:00 Lost: In Translation Clever 11:05 Eminem: Video Exclusive 11:10 Dispatches: Kidnap And Torture Erican Style 12:10 Downtime 1:50 Freesports On 4: Skateboarding And Breakdancing 2:20 Fivb Beach Volleyball 3:15 World Cup Skiing 5:05 Countdown 5:50 Close Picture the scene: I’m walking along a busy street on a crisp, sunny winter’s day, head held high and a spring in my step. My walkman is playing an uplifting tune at full blast (I think it might have been Superstar by Jamelia, but don’t tell anyone) All it takes is a loose drain cover to strip me of what tiny shred of dignity I have managed to cling on to. I not only tripped over in classic excruciatingly embarrassing style but also continued walking without realising...

PRIMETIME

6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show Son, I Disown You 10:30 This Morning 12:00 This Morning - I'm a Celebrity Special 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 Today with Des and Mel 2:30 Crash Course Starring my housemate, who "forgets" about red lights and has absolutely NO sense of direction whatsoever. It once took us an hour to get from Cathays to Ikea, bless her. I can’t really talk having never even sat behind the wheel of an automobile. We at TV Desk believe driving is something other people do. Trains are just soooo much more of a stylish way to travel. I just love standing up for several hours, pressed up against a drunken tramp. 3:15 Planet's Funniest Animals 3:30 Pocoyo Drum Roll Please 3:40 Mr Bean: The Animated Series Gadget Kid 3:55 Potatoes and Dragons Mr Croaky 4:05 Art Attack 4:30 My Parents Are Aliens 5:00 The Paul O'Grady Show 6:00 Wales Tonight: Bloody freezing-my nose turned blue earlier. Thank heavens I shelled out 90 quid on that big coat. Haven’t got any change left over for long-johns though. Darn.

6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 7:30 Coronation Street 8:00 The Bill 9:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

10:00 Coronation Street 10:30 ITV News 11:00 It's My Shout 11:30 Orange Playlist 0:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Live 2:00 cd:uk Hotshots 2:25 ITV MOVIE CLASSIC SEASON:FILM: Rear Window (1954, Thriller) 4:20 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV

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6:00am: Close 7:00 CBBC: Looney Tunes 7:05 Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Winks 7:30 The Stables 7:55 Newsround 8:00 Really Wild Show 8:30 CBeebies: Cbeebies Birthdays: Lazytown 9:00 Pingu 9:05 Clifford's Puppy Days 9:25 Something Special 9:40 Tweenies 10:00 FILM: A Boy Named Charlie Brown 11:30 The Daily Politics 1:00pm: The Perfect Holiday 1:30 Working Lunch 2:00 Lifeline 2:10 Timewatch 3:00 Castle in the Country 3:30 Thoroughly Modern Medic 4:30 Ready Steady Cook 5:15 Weakest Link 6:00 Eggheads 6:30 Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00 Mechannibals 7:30 Rough Science 8:00 Natural World 8:50 The Owls and the Orchard 9:00 Rome 9:50 Scandal I must apologise to the man working behind the refreshment counter at the cinema, who bore the full brunt of my wrath last week. I was just taken off-guard when asked to pay the extortionate sum of £2.80 for a child-size portion of popcorn. THAT’S what you call a scandal! I‘d expected a bucket the size of at least a toddler for that price, not an embryo. I probably wouldn’t mind shelling out if I knew that any drinks or snacks I purchased would last longer than the length of the trailers...

10:20 What the Romans Did for Us They gave us a passion for sandals.

10:30 Newsnight 11:20 Family Ties: Daisy's Secret

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6:00: Breakfast 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Foreign Exchange 11:45 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Diagnosis Murder 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Lazytown 3:50 Pinky and the Brain 4:10 Jackie Chan Adventures 4:30 Patrick's Planet 5:00 Blue Peter 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours I hate to pose such a sensitive question but do you think that Lil might have been taking Thalidomide when she was expecting Serena? That’d explain the abnormally short arms.

6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Honey We're Killing the Kids 8:00 What Not to Wear Have They Remembered?

Have they followed the three golden rules?: 1. Invest in a wardrobe staple such as black ski pants. These can be used to create a variety of looks. In the cold weather a stylish pair of brightlycoloured slouch socks in will add an instant touch of glamour and keep those ankles warm!...

9:00 Life in the Undergrowth 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 The National Lottery: Midweek Draws 10:40 Imagine…is a totally overrated song.

11:25 Imagine 12:00: FILM: Plaza Suite 2:00 Sign Zone: ONE Life 2:40 Sign Zone: Garden School 3:10 Sign Zone: Coast 4:10 Sign Zone:

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06:10 The Hoobs: Hoobyclues 06:35 The Hoobs: Ouch 07:00 B4:25 Friends: The One With Chandler In A Box 07:55 Just Shoot Me 08:25 Will And Grace 08:50 Will And Grace 09:15 Miss Match: Pilot 10:10 Miss Match: Who's Your Daddy?

11:05 Er: Call Me Ruby 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Planed Plant Bach 12:30 Ribidirês 12:45 Sam Tân 13:00 Bws Parti 13:15 3 Minute Wonder: Self Portraits 13:20 Preachers To Be 14:25 Deal Or No Deal 15:15 Countdown 16:00 Planed Plant 16:00 Campyfan 16:23 Calendr Adfent 16:25 Ofn! 16:50 Ffeil 17:00 Richard & Judy 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Rownd A Rownd 19:00 Wedi 719:30 Newyddion 20:00 Pobol Y Cwm 20:25 Ffermio 21:00 Cefn Gwlad 21:30 Sgorio 22:35 Married To The Prime Minister.23:35 Not Forgotten: Women The topic of conversation at the moment actually.

Women are silly. 00:35 Hollyoaks: No Going Back 01:00 The Turner Prize 2005 01:55 Film: Bats (1999)03:25 Ed: The Movie 04:10 Ed: The Decision 04:55 Diwedd/Close