gair rhydd - Issue 806

News

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February 20 2006

news@gairrhydd.com

At

a glance February 20 2006 News Editorial & Opinion Letters Mickelodian Science/Environment Taf Od Politics Health Media Grab!

Dear Amber Television Five Min Fun Scopes Jobs & Money Listings Sport

1 6 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 25 26 27 28 30

EDITOR Tom Wellingham DEPUTY EDITOR Will Dean ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR Elaine Morgan CREATIVE EDITOR Graeme Porteous NEWS Charissa Coulthard, Caroline Farwell, Dan Ridler, Perri Lewis POLITICS Andrew Mickel EDITORIAL AND OPINION Sophie Robehmed, James Emtage SPORT Ed Jones, Tim Lewis LISTINGS Will Schmit, Alice Curitz TELEVISION TV Gareth, TV Grace, TV Holly, TV John, TV Jane LETTERS Dave Menon GRAB Megan Connor SCOPES Christina Lane TAF-OD Lois Dafydd SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT Ceri Morgan MEDIA Heather Casey HEALTH Vanessa Roche, Laura Murphy JOBS AND MONEY Nicola Menage PROBLEM PAGE Amber Duval FIVE MIN FUN Colm Loughlin HEADS OF PHOTOGRAPHY Luke Pavey, Adam Gasson SUB-EDITORS Catherine Gee, Charlotte White, Holly Marshall PROOF READERS Alana Lewis, Carly Hill, Sophie Robinson, Kate Ivory, Robert Knowles, Corin Rogerson, Jess anderson CONTRIBUTORS Chris Warlow, Rachel Clare, Ian Craig, Caleb Woodridge, Lindle Markwell, Jo Dingle, Jenna Harris, Sarah Shearman, Jon Mackrell, Sophie Robehmed, Chris White, Morgan Evans, Kathryn Harries, Alexandra Belias, Tim Hewish, Dan Fisher, Paul Hunt, Refaat Malki, Jon Berridge, Dave Menon, Lisa Gwinnett, George Pawley, ADDRESS University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN ADVERTISING 02920 781 474 EMAIL gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com WEB www.gairrhydd.com LOCATION 4th Floor Students’ Union

Motorway madness

By Chris Warlow Reporter A CARDIFF man was pulled over last Saturday after driving down the wrong side of the M4 for seven miles at around 80 miles an hour.

The 69-year-old driver, originally from Yemen, is said to have been returning home from picking up his 37-year-old wife from the airport.

Acting Police Sergeant Glen Powell, of Wiltshire traffic police

ing or colliding with the central reservation in order to avoid the vehicle.

Sergeant Powell said: "How no serious casualty or fatality has occurred we will never know.

"Seven miles of chaos and I expect several shocked drivers were the end result.

“Luckily, being a Saturday night and fairly light traffic, this has come to a safe conclusion."

By Will Dean Deputy Editor gair rhydd editor Tom Wellingham and two other journalists were cleared to return to work last Thursday.

The trio were suspended after gair rhydd became the first UK newspaper to print one of the now infamous Danish cartoons of the Prophet Muhammed.

The Union Discipline and Complaints committee, chaired by University representative Sir Donald Walters, cleared the journalist who wrote the news story about the cartoons crisis completely.

However, Mr Wellingham and the other journalist involved were found guilty of 'bringing the Union into disrepute'.

Despite this, the pair are now free to resume their roles on the newspaper after each serving ten-day suspensions from the Union.

CARDINAL SIN Breaking and entering

By Ian Craig Reporter

By Rachel Clare Reporter STUDENTS WERE left terrified after their house in Roath was broken into on Saturday night.

The thief smashed through the front bay window of the house at around 8pm and crawled through the glass while a student sat in the same room.

It is thought that the burglar had watched the house in Keppoch Street the day before, and then returned on Saturday to steal a laptop which may have been spotted from the street.

Detective Sergeant Stuart Wales said: “The suspect knocked on the ground floor front window and asked if someone called 'Billy' lived there.

“The victim said no and the suspect went off in the direction of Cottrell

THE ARCHBISHOP of Westminster has been instructed to stop a North London private Catholic hospital from referring women for abortions or prescribing the morningafter pill.

Labour peer Lord Brennan has told Cardinal C o r m a c

Street. Then 24 hours later he came back, smashed the window and stole a laptop.

“He then climbed back out and left in a dark coloured car.”

Local police are shocked at the evening break-in and said it is highly unusual.

PC Robert Keohane, Cardiff's student liaison officer, reminds students that areas such as Cathays and Roath are of 'high interest' to thieves.

He advises students to leave lights on when they go out as thieves are more likely to be deterred if they believe that someone is in.

CATHOLIC CARE: Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor

Murphy-O'Connor that St. John and St. Elizabeth Hospital is breaking its own code of ethics by offering such treatments.

The hospital has a Catholic code of ethics which forbids abortion.

Lord Brennan carried out an inquiry of the hospital after senior Catholics complained that it was offering these treatments through the NHS. The Cardinal is awaiting a full report before any decision is made.

A spokesperson said that “he is confident it will indicate the steps the hospital may need to take in order to safeguard its Catholic ethos.”

The hospital has defended itself by stating that, though it is committed to its Catholic ethos, its prime concern is to care for its patients.

Dr Helen Watt, director of the Church's ethical think-tank, said: “Women are free to seek other, proabortion advice, but should never be aided in doing this by anyone who cares about their welfare."

LOCAL FOCUS A soapbox for the views of Cardiff residents How long have you had your shop?

Since November last year, but we've been an online business since 1999.

Name: Faith Atwell Location: Passion, City Road Title: Founder PRINTED: SHARMANS OF PETERBOROUGH

said: “He had just been to Heathrow airport to pick up his wife and between them somehow they suddenly found they were going the wrong way.

“He had done a U-turn.”

When police managed to overtake and stop him, the man left his car and walked into the centre lane, waving his drivers licence and proclaiming that he had it.

The man was arrested “on suspicion of dangerous driving”, while his passenger, in “an extreme state of shock”, was taken to the Great Western Hospital in Swindon.

Several cars were seen swerv-

Editor reinstated

What proportion of your customers are students?

It depends if they admit to it! But I'd say a fair amount - at least 25%.

What do you think of

the students that come into your shop?

I think that students are fab. They always make us laugh and are happy and friendly.

What are the most popular items?

Students seem to like the cockrule willy measurer!

But the costumes are also very popular, from sailors to army girls.

What are your opening hours?

10:30am to 7pm Monday to Saturday.

Do you enjoy your job?

Very much. There's nothing more in the world I'd prefer to do. I get to meet lots of people and go to Las Vegas to buy pretty lingerie.

What are your plans for the future?

We're looking at starting up pole dancing, lap dancing and exotic dancing lessons. It'll be great for all girls - it's a great way of building confidence, keeping fit and increasing suppleness.

Interview Dingle.

by

Joanna

News

February 20 2006

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news@gairrhydd.com

INVASION

TOUT AND ABOUT

By Caleb Woodbridge Reporter DOCTOR WHO materialised in Cardiff this week, closing streets in Cathays for filming.

David Tennant and Billie Piper were there to film scenes from the second series of the hit television revival.

Florentia Street near Crwys Road had a 1950s makeover for the filming. Residents on the street have been offered a free bar and chance to

meet the cast, and will have an exclusive preview of the completed episode.

The episode, The Idiot’s Lantern, is written by Mark Gatiss, one of the stars of The League of Gentlemen, and is rumoured to feature aliens that invade over the television airwaves.

The new series is due to air in April and will see the Doctor reunited with old friends and enemies, as well as taking him to new worlds.

By Lindle Markwell Reporter THE DAYS OF ticket touting for the Six Nations rugby tournament may now be numbered.

The Welsh Rugby Union (WRU) and Millennium Stadium bosses have vowed to crack down on profiteering ticket touts.

In an effort to eradicate the problem the WRU has announced that supporters found with any tickets bought above the original asking price will have them confiscated.

The majority of the tickets adver-

tised on the black-market and on internet auction sites, such as eBay, are being sold off at extremely overinflated prices. gair rhydd found that one rugby enthusiast was willing to pay £160 and upwards for a ticket to the Wales v Italy match, more than twice its original value.

Other reports suggest that touts could earn as much as £13,000 selling tickets for the matches.

A stadium spokeswoman said: “We do not want people making a profit at the expense of true and loyal supporters.”

Charity begins at home

By Jo Dingle Reporter A WELSH STUDENT has given up her social life to improve the lives of orphans in Ghana.

Catherine Franks, a law student at Aberystwth University, now sends a quarter of her £1000-a-term student loan to support two orphans she met while travelling in the West African country.

After graduating and getting a stable job she plans to adopt the two children, who, before they began receiving money from the student, lived on two bowls of rice a day.

She said: “A lot of my friends think I’m mad but they haven’t been to Ghana and seen the poverty. And they haven’t met Nelson and Judith - I have given them my word.”

It is unlikely for anyone at a university anywhere to meet anyone with the commitment and compassion of Catherine Franks. The law student studying in Aberystwth has done the unthinkable and given up her social life.

Catherine was so stunned and moved on her gap year travels that she has vowed to support, and eventually adopt, two orphans that she met while in Ghana.

Miss Franks sends a quarter of her £1000-a-term loan to the children so they are able to eat more than the two bowls of rice a day they get if they are lucky.

Many students would see this as an impossible task, but Catherine, with the full support of her parents, is determined to adopt the two children once she has a job and is able to give them everything they need.

PHOTO: James Perou

PICTURE: Sarah Day

All fagged out

By Dan Ridler News Editor STUDENTS WILL no longer be able to smoke in pubs and clubs when new laws passed this week come into force.

The laws will affect all venues including student nightspots in Cardiff when they come into force next summer.

The health secretary, Patricia Hewitt, said that the ban would “save thousands of peoples’ lives,” yet the legislation has been slammed by pro-smoking groups as “illiberal”.

When the laws come into effect, the cost of lighting up in a restricted area could range from £200 to £2500, with fines set depending on locations.

Political parties have widely accepted the ban as a positive step forward, although many MPs, principally but not entirely Conservatives, voted against the ban.

A Commons health select committee earlier reported that the total ban was the “only effective means” of protecting public health.

News

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February 20 2006

news@gairrhydd.com

Making a difference Poverty message hits home with young people, according to a new survey by Oxfam

By Caleb Woodbridge Reporter

CANCER HELP: Calling all women

HOTLINE New lifeline for cancer sufferers

By Jenna Harris Reporter A BREAST CANCER victim has set up a telephone hotline and invited other sufferers to call.

45-year-old Jayne Sullivan from Old St Mellons, Cardiff, until recently, camped out in the Welsh Assembly as part of her campaign to make Herceptin available to everyone on the NHS. She has now established a telephone line open from Monday to 1200GMT on Tuesday, asking sufferers to leave their details.

She plans to present these to Health Minister Dr Brian Gibbons

WELSH RAPE victims do not receive the same standard of support as English victims, the Home Office has claimed.

Currently there is only one Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) in Wales, located in Merthyr Tydfil, compared to 12 in England.

It is believed that this is largely due to lack of funding Sexual violence expert Professor Liz Kelly, from London Metropolitan University, said: “The provision around sexual assault in Wales currently is not good primarily because there’s been a lack of investment in it for two decades.”

Paul Goggins, Home Office Minister, wants to create two more Welsh SARCs but has said: “The core funding they need has to come from the local funders of health and police services.

“There is no way we can sustain

nities for students to get involved in fighting poverty, including People and Planet, Speak and Save the Children.

Ben Read, President of the Cardiff Speak group, said: “Make Poverty History has made a big impact… but there’s still much to do and hopefully the momentum will continue.”

The World Development Movement is holding a meeting titled “Make Poverty History: So where next?” on Monday February 27 at 7.30pm in the Temple of Peace, Cardiff.

The survey was conducted

by Oxfam’s youth website, Generation Why, during January 2006. Full details are available at www.oxfam.org.uk/generationwhy/.

in a meeting on Monday about widening the availability of Herceptin as a treatment for breast cancer patients. Herceptin is commonly used to treat advanced breast cancer, but it is currently not licensed for early-stage treatment.

She said of Herceptin: “It is a powerful drug I’m sure, but my option and the options of women like me are extremely limited and you take any chance.” It currently has only a limited availability which varies with areas.

She says: “I feel so strongly about this postcode lottery and I have every intention to meet my objectives.”

Welsh rape victims receive insufficient support

By Jenna Harris Reporter

LAST YEAR’S Make Poverty History campaign has had a massive impact on young people, says a survey conducted by Oxfam.

The survey of more than 1,400 16to 25-year-olds found that two-thirds plan to get involved with charities in some way in 2006.

40% of 18 to 29-year-olds made donations to charity, compared to one in four overall, again suggesting a greater interest among young people.

Make Poverty History had a bigger impact on young people than the general election and the London

Olympic victory, the survey found, but over half admitted uncertainty about what happens next.

Oxfam claims this “dispels myths of a ‘slacker generation’” and shows that the youth of today are committed to helping those in need.

Liz Leaver, Youth Coordinator for Oxfam, said: “It is now up to charities to help translate that desire into positive action.”

The Make Poverty History campaign was supported by many student groups in Cardiff, and many groups offer opportu-

the funding of a whole network of SARCS across England and Walesnor would that be correct.

“These have to be locally funded.”

The first SARC was established in Manchester in 1986 but the Welsh SARC was only set up in 2004.

Victims and campaigns also believe that having just one Welsh facility is insufficient.

One victim told of her frustration over the lack of support.

She said: “The police actually put me in touch with Victim Support and I spoke to a counsellor from Victim Support.

“That was okay but it wasn’t enough help.”

“I feel there is not enough help out there.

“I rang several places and asked for help and I was told that yes they could see me in a fortnight or yes they could see me next week.

“But when you’re asking for help you need it then.”

AGM round-up

renaming Media Officer gair rhydd Editor and merging the roles of the two College Presidents into one, the Education and Welfare Officer.

Story continued from Page 1

Changes to the constitution

Union Accounts

She also noted how damaging the boycott could be to Union events, saying that it could push students to city centre clubs who stock cheaper drinks like Coca-Cola.

Another Cola-Cola supporter took to the podium, giving a more light-hearted argument. He said: “I will drink this Coca-Cola before your eyes to show that it is not evil.

“If we pass this motion not only will we boycott the delicious tasty drink, we also boycott Santa Claus.

“I appeal against you not to take away my freedom to drink the drink that I love.”

A vote will take place at the NUS AGM at the end of March to determine what will happen next.

Changes made to the Union rulebook in December were ratified at Wednesday’s meeting, meaning that next year the sabbatical team will be made up of six, not eight officers.

Many of the sabbatical positions will take on a number of different roles to ensure that they can represent Cardiff students more effectively.

Toan Ravenscroft, PR and Campaigns Officer said that more inhouse staff would be taken on next year to fulfil the roles. He said: “We’re not selling out anyone with this document.

“No roles or functions will be lost.”

One of the proposed changes, to drop responsibility of postgraduates from the Societies, Postgraduate and International officer’s role, was contested by one student.

She said: “Becoming a postgraduate has made me see how under represented we are.”

In response to this, Pete Goodman, Union President, reminded the audience that postgraduates will be represented by the newly-created position of Vice President.

Other changes to the structure of governance over the Union included

Last year’s Union accounts were also accepted by voters, although questions were raised about how a sum of £45,000 had been spent.

James Twigger, Union Secretary, justified this spending. He said: “In a nutshell, it is being used for maintenance of the [Union] buildings”.

As well as the controversial Coca-Cola boycott, a number of other motions were passed at last week’s AGM in the Great Hall, including changes to the Union’s constitution.

Other business Freedom of Speech was also discussed at the AGM following the recent incidents with gair rhydd.

Students voted in favour of a motion that called on the newspaper to publish a full apology about publishing a cartoon offensive to the Muslim community, something which was done in last week’s issue.

The war in Iraq was also debated fiercely and students voted against a motion supporting the withdrawal of troops from Iraq.

Pete Goodman also noted that the future of the Union building was under review.

He said: “At present we are looking at a number of different proposals about what to do.”

World News

February 20 2006

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news@gairrhydd.com

SOUL DESTROYING

By Caroline Farwell News Editor

SILENCED: Media censorship

A CHINESE investigative newspaper that was shut down last month has been reopened.

The Bingdian (Freezing Point), which has built its popularity by daring to report what other papers would not, was originally closed after publishing a controversial essay by a Chinese historian.

According to the paper's editor, Li Datong, Communist Party officials in charge of the weekly would not now allow him and his deputy to work there.

Mr Li said: “The soul of Bingdian has

been extinguished.

“Only a shell is left. If the staff decided to protest, no-one will do the job. It will be an empty paper (when it re-opens).”

The offending essay claimed Chinese history textbooks never acknowledged the responsibility of the government, and a spokesman for China's foreign ministry defended the closure of Bingdian.

The event coincides with protests from Communist Party elders over increased media restrictions and censorship.

They claimed that increased censorship may “sow the seeds of disaster” for China's political transition.

Reporters Without Borders, a Parisbased organisation, has frequently criticised restrictions on the media in China and says Chinese journalists are routinely forbidden from mentioning many sensitive subjects.

China came 159th out of 167 countries listed in the organisation's 2005 world press freedom index..

EU takes action as bird flu spreads east

By Caroline Farwell News Editor THE EUROPEAN Union (EU) has approved new measures to try and stop the spread of bird flu across the continent.

In a two-day meeting in Brussels, health officials agreed to set up protection zones and surveillance areas to monitor the deadly outbreak that is moving east from Southeast Asia.

EU Health Commissioner Markos Kyprianou said that members of the public should not be “unduly alarmed” and that all

the necessary measures were being taken.

Slovenia is the latest country to confirm the presence of the deadly H5N1 strain of the virus in its bird population, and Austria, Bulgaria, Germany, Greece and Italy have also found the virus in several wild swans.

The H5N1 strain of bird flu has killed 90 people around the world since it emerged in 2003, but there is no evidence yet that the infection can be passed from human to human.

THREE KILOGRAMS of liquid heroin worth $200,000 has been found surgically implanted into the stomachs of six puppies.

22 people, associated with Columbian drug smuggling, have been arrested by the Columbian Authorities and the US Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) after a raid on a farm in Medellin, Colombia.

10 Labrador puppies were discovered on the farm, six of which had scars on theirs bellies where a vet had sown heroin into them.

After the packets were removed three of them died due to infections following the surgery. The others are reported to be 'alive and well.'

The Colombian Authorities have adopted

three of them, hoping to train them as sniffer dogs.

By Jon Mackrell

Haiti election THE HAITIAN interim government has ordered a review of recent election results to investigate voting fraud.

The order comes amid widespread protests in support of presidential candidate Rene Preval, who announced that he would not accept the results, claiming that 'gross errors' and 'massive fraud' had occurred.

A person was killed during volatile demonstrations which have swept the nation, causing international concern.

John Bolton, the UN Security Council President, said: “The Council strongly urges all parties to respect the results of the election and refrain from violence.”

Bali drugs sentences THREE YOUNG Australians have been sentenced to life imprisonment on drugs charges in Bali.

The sentences end a series of harsh verdicts against the group known as the 'Bali Nine', which saw the two ringleaders sentenced to execution by firing squad.

The nine were arrested last April while attempting to smuggle eight kilograms of heroin back to Australia.

Andrew Chan, 22, and Myuran Sukumaran, 24, are planning to appeal their death sentences.

Australian Prime Minister John Howard said that he would take 'appropriate action' to lobby the Indonesian President for leniency but urged young Australians not to get involved with drugs.

He said: “ I beg them not to take the horrible risks that these young people have done, their lives destroyed in the case of two people.”

Mexican police chief killings

INFECTION: Spreading east

Smack my bitch up

By Sarah Shearman Reporter

World News in Brief

John Gilbridge, head of the DEA's New York office said that is unclear how many dogs have been involved in such a scheme in the past.

“I think it's outrageous and heinous that they'd use small, innocent puppies in this way,” he said.

“It just demonstrates what lengths the drug dealers will go to get drugs into the country.”

Colombia is the largest supplier o f heroin to the U S .

Investigators believe that the dogs were part of a scheme to smuggle heroin on commercial flights into New York and the east coast down to Miami.

The network also used human couriers who either swallowed packets containing the drug or hid it.

Heroin was discovered on the farm hidden in aerosol cans, moisturising creams, pressed into beads and sewn into the lining of purses and suitcases.

The raid, which took place in 2005, marks the end of a two-year investigation by the DEA with the Colombian authorities into the Colombian drugs network.

To date, in addition to the arrests, there have been 14 separate seizures of heroin amounting to 24kg and a seizure of 6kg of cocaine.

TWO POLICE chiefs in northern Mexico have been shot to death in separate incidents just four hours apart.

Organized criminals are widely thought to be the culprits of the seemingly motiveless killings.

Mexican authorities say that the northeast border region has seen an increase in violence since a large drug cartel began a turf war for control of smuggling routes into the USA. President Vicente Fox condemned the killings, and acknowledged the likelihood of further violence in the war against organized crime, but remained optimistic.

His spokesman said: “The government is not scared by this pressure from organized crime. The Mexican state will be victorious.”

Zimbabwe protests TWO HUNDRED women were held in police custody in the Zimbabwe capital, Harare, after marching to protest against food prices and human rights violations.

The protests were in response to Zimbabwe's deteriorating economy, causing the growth of inflation to 613 percent - the highest anywhere in the world.

The march was organized by Women of Zimbabwe Arise (WOZA), whose previous attempts to hold annual Valentine's Day protests have been stopped by police.

WOZA spokeswoman Jenni Williams said: “We were marching to say we want more than day-to-day survival.”

Editorial & Opinion

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February 20 2006

opinion@gairrhydd.com

BACK TO BASICS AS THE DUST has settled on a rather grim fortnight in the history of gair rhydd we’ve all had to pick ourselves up and get on with the job in hand. For a start we’ve decided it might be wise to buy a TV with News 24 for the office on long Thursday deadline nights.

We’ve also had the pleasure of seeing the knife stuck in, twisted and pulled out again by news organisations unaware of the circumstances of our faux-pas.

So what now? React bitchily to the lack of solidarity shown by the journalists who assumed our printing of the Danish cartoon was an act of provocation? No thanks.

The best thing our ‘lucky’ little ‘rag’ can do now is to get its head down, pull its socks up and try and make the rest of the year back up our pre-furore credentials.

Consider us a sleeping dog that’s just been given an abrupt nudge.

OKEY-COKEY WHILE THE MOTION to boycott Coca-Cola does NOT mean that the Union will be banning the sticky brown substance, it’s certainly an honourable one made to try and bring a despicable multi-national company with scant-regard for, well, not much really, down to size.

Students must remember that all the AGM motion has done is mandate the Union’s representatives to lobby on behalf of a Coke band at various NUS conferences.

If, and believe us it’s a might big IF, the boycott takes place where does that leave the NUS’s purchasing consortium NUSSL? Well the options, especially if we consider the necessity and popularity of the Union’s draught soda machines, are pretty limited.

It’s extremely unlikely that any ethical soda company, like England’s Qibla Cola, or even the relatively large Virgin Cola could offer a viable alternative. Which leaves us with, guess who?

PepsiCo. Ah Pepsi, a company who had binding contracts with Canadian schools to not only sell but to actively promote their fatty drink to high schools, a company who continued to operate within the military dictatorship in Burma in the 90s and the company who, along with Coke, plastered their nefarious logos on ancient rocks in India.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It’s like swapping prostate cancer for testicular cancer.

Let’s wait and see.

As the controversial government ban on smoking passes through Parliament Dan Ridler considers the implications for a liberal society

B

ritain may not be the land of the free, but it has always been the land of the liberal.

Not of the Democrat variety, (although they are recovering from their endangered species status) but of the civil variety; the variety that believe in free speech, trial by jury, freedom of the markets and laissez-faire living.

Traditionally stuck up and reserved, the British stiff upper lip is maintained so that those below it can do whatever they want, within the boundaries of our laws and precedent, and whilst we are free to disagree we are not free to interfere. Lace curtains will twitch and gossip will spread but nobody will actually approach and do anything, it’s not the British way.

This week, these liberties have been tried and tested, and are rapidly being beaten to the point at which fractures are beginning to appear through the glossy finish of this liberal democracy.

As with so many things though, these fractures in the paintwork belie a deeper problem in the bodywork that should hold together our societies into a cosmopolitan haven.

We base our democracy around freedom and temperance yet these last few weeks people of all creeds and colours have had only one thing in common; their lack of any semblence of these sentiments. Perhaps that is

because they are following their leaders’ leads.

I don’t wish to enter a polemic for free speech, as these arguments are all too easily found at the moment and frankly rather dull. I will however, note its steady and much lamented demise in the face of determined violent opposition. What I wish to discuss in further depth is the demise of personal liberty. Just where the hell is it going? First we lose the right to glorify terrorism (a real downer for fancy dress parties) then the right to smoke in public places.

I’m not a smoker. I don’t particular-

SUCK IT UP: make the most of the last puffs

‘V’ IS FOR VOMIT

By Sophie Robehmed

T

oday, the acidic quality has disappeared from my saliva.

Finally, the vomit has resigned itself to bile, which makes a refreshing change.

The sight of my shotgun has scared the Disney bluebirds that have been haunting me with their sweet nothings outside my window. Instead a pigeon, called Barry (we got talking one day), is once more defecating upon my ‘sill before flying away without even a hint of ‘I’ll give you a coo.’ (I suppose girls do like bad boys after all).

I thought I was going to cry with sheer happiness when Barry flew out of my life again. His honesty made me feel confident enough to put away my shotgun until that day reared its fluffy, ‘I wove you’ teddy bear, let’s all projectile vomit, whip-cream ourselves and hold hands simultaneously if humanly possible, head. I’m talking about Valentine’s Day of course. Oh! Those words are like the vulgarity of burning hair, rotting apples, and acute dysentery to my soul. There is nothing remotely saintly about this day even though the preceding ‘St.’ tries to con us all.

I write this safely from within the constraints of the deepest, darkest corners of my entangled web where poison erupts from my every vein and consumes my every word. Although this celebration of love has passed, I am left with its bitter aftermath. I am safe in the knowledge that during next

ly approve or disapprove of smoking, it’s a personal issue. Clearly, inconsiderate smoking annoys me; someone else’s smoke ruining my breathing space isn’t my preference.

Notwithstanding this, I know that in most cases I can get away from it, and most enclosed spaces where I cannot get away from it are already nonsmoking. It has been a steady development to a pretty happy medium where smoker and non-smoker live in relative harmony. Or something similar.

Now however, the government feel they are mandated to interfere in peoples’ free choice. More than this, they

year’s V-Day, I will be investing in my emotional shopping habit when I buy myself a well-earned ukulele (I’m currently waiting for my six-stringed sex god of the guitar variety to enter my life from dearest eBay to accompany my drum kit, who remains to this day, my most selfless lover. Seriously, no other man lets me spank him so).

24 hour drinking is more of an ideological argument A day before V-Day, my dear housemate, (for whom, I’ve already shotgunned a bridesmaid spot when she marries her boyfriend of a zillion years), came bounding into my darkened room as I lay-askew upon my chez lounge. First she told me that my stringed one had finally come home to me (this was a lie) and then she flung a red envelope at me with the excitement it didn’t deserve, which only irritated me like the mole on my foot that is foolishly mistaken for a wart. V-day itself, another dear housemate of mine, currently doe-eyed about a band boy that she is liasing with, dreamily comments on the volume of my post that morning. I assure her it isn’t an anonymous admirer frothing from the mouth with inconsolable desire for me. I knew it was from Mum (because she disguised her handwriting by typing my address).

The day before, Cassanova was in fact Grandad (he had handwritten my address). He still denied sending me a card, commenting ‘how nice’ (yes, it’s precious) that I had been sent two Valentine’s cards. I am woken on Vday by a text declaring ‘I love you more and more every Valentine’s Day.’ Thanks Dad. It’s always the same for my sister and I. Every.

Single. Year. At least our family love us I suppose.

I walk around on V-Day trying to look up at the sky as opposed to the red roses, the stretched-out goodbyes on doorstops and bodies superglued together by sweaty palms and chapped lips. I’m being beaten by rain when I notice a Chinese takeaway is offering ‘couples’ free rice and prawn crackers so they can behave ‘crazy’ with a ‘k’ when they smother themselves with grains and fish odour in the height of passion. In my dishevelled, drownedby alex wallis

free word

Smoke, mirrors and me

Al’s World

gair rhydd

are interfering where there is no need to interfere at all; where there is no innocent or defenceless party. Yes, smoking will kill people prematurely.

Yes, it will probably eat up a decent proportion of their collective income (most of which is eaten up through tax) and yes, it will leave them with a lower quality of life in many ways. These people are educated adults. They know that as well as I do. They may choose not to believe it, but that’s their choice.

It’s equally their choice if they decide that they can fly and jump off a tower block or if they want to give all their income to charity. That’s their choice.

They know the facts. You pay your money so you take your choice.

Governmental involvement is nothing short of an attempt to socially engineer a population that they want. It is a chance to persecute a minority for problems such as a drop in healthcare standards which they’d rather not address at the root of the problem and it is, ultimately, a travesty of civil liberties.

When free speech, free expression and free choice are compromised, the society is not free. A smoking ban might suit me, but it might not suit my ideology; perhaps the government should look seriously at what the true loss to liberties this law is entailing total. rat state, I consider force-feeding the takeaway employees with the harrowing story of Derek, my Albanian lover, bedridden for seven years by love blindness and amnesia from when we consummated our fondness (I hit him over the head with a pipe as we frolicked in the sweet summer of ‘99).

But I manage to refrain this narration because retelling it only upsets me. Similarly, I don’t socialise this Vday due to the air of anti-climax that it shares with New Year’s, where everyone has ‘Snog me now or arrest me for humping a hedge later’ branded into the their foreheads.

Singletons, we must rise above this day of sheer commercialism. We need to tower above inhumanly sized greeting cards. Don’t let this ridiculous day get you down. Tell the bluebirds to politely go away. Smile.

And you might want to pick up a new instrument too.

Editorial & Opinion

February 20 2006

Page 7

opinion@gairrhydd.com

FIGHTING FOR FREE SPEECH

As Evelyn Beatrice Hall once said: “I disapprove of what you say, but I would defend to the death your right to say it”. Chris White on gair rhydd printing of THAT cartoon...

F

There is a difference between mocking believers (as a people) and mocking a system of belief Some religions probably deserve ridicule. Scientologist doctrine, for example, dictates that an intergalactic tyrant, ‘Xenu’, banished his enemies to Earth and destroyed them, and that their souls are now polluting humanity. Which is ludicrous. And as much as Muslims would like their religion to be given special treatment (eg the full page given over to ISoc in response to 804, whereas the usual recourse for anyone else finding something offensive in the newspaper is to write a letter or make a complaint to the editor) Islam cannot be singled out as untouchable. Equality means receiving the same treatment

ken/Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools… if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you/If all men count with you, but none too much… You’ll be a Man…” Mawkish, perhaps, but I’ll bet Kipling wouldn’t find things ‘offensive’.

As someone who intends to trade in language for a living, I know better than to employ powerful words carelessly. However, presuming to limit what others can and cannot say is Fascism; there is simply no other word for it.

And down the road of censorship, autocracy lies. In a 2002 case before the US Supreme Court, Justice Anthony M Kennedy wrote, “The right to think is the beginning of freedom, and speech must be protected […] because [it] is the beginning of thought.” That was a case in which the 1996 Child Pornography Prevention Act was overturned on the grounds that it was “overly broad and unconstitutional”.

Presuming to limit what others can and can not say is Fascism; there is simply no other word for it

“Your freedom to swing your fists ends where my nose begins”

George Monbiot

Photo: Edited By Anna Robinson

irst, a group of Muslim scholars in Scotland called for legislation against publishing pictures of the Prophet Muhammad. Then EU commissioner Franco Frattini mooted a European press charter demanding “prudence” when reporting on religion.

Now Cardiff University Islamic Society demands that the Students’ Union imposes restrictions on gair rhydd when discussing religion after reprinting a cartoon of Muhammad in issue 804.

Freedom of speech is essential for democracy properly to function, and it is being eroded for fear of offending the religious - Councillor for Grangetown and Chairman of the Medina Mosque, Ashgar Ali, insists “you can’t play with someone’s religion”. Yet nobody can offer a satisfactory explanation why ‘religion’ - a nebulous concept, if ever there was one – should have special immunity from criticism and ridicule. Because there isn’t a good reason. Whether we are talking about Islam, Christianity or whatever you’re having yourself, they are opinions like any other, and should not be afforded privileged protection.

As David Andress puts it, commenting on the website butterfliesandwheels.com, “those who elevate unverifiable and dogmatic creeds above the spirit of free enquiry and debate in public life are beneath contempt.”

People often seem to forget that there is a difference between mocking believers (as a people) and mocking a system of belief. I have the utmost respect for individuals to worship who they like, how they like, but it does not automatically follow that I have respect for their faith itself.

Because I do not.

as everyone else, not preferential treatment.

So even if the cartoon in question had been deriding Islam (which, as a satire of fanaticism, it was not) this shouldn’t be taboo. Comedy should have no taboos. Indeed, at the Edinburgh Festival last year, shortly after the London bombings, around 1800 acts cracked jokes about little else. An example: “Hear about the Muslim woman who didn’t want to die a virgin? It wasn’t the sex, just that she didn’t want to get to Paradise and have to shag a suicide bomber.”

Some critics of those such as myself who assert that free speech includes a right to mock ‘sacred’ beliefs claim that their own freedom of expression is hypocritically not respected. A post on the Islamic Society’s website forum (before some tasteful comments about “Aids spreading fagots” [sic] and the usual tripe about a “Zionist plot”) reads: “Muslims [...] cannot express their disgust from homosexuality”.

This, of course, is incorrect. They

can express their view, but cannot discriminate against a person because of their sexuality (in the workplace, for example) or voice an incitement to violence. George Monbiot aptly summed up the balance of liberty to act versus protection from consequences of others’ acts as: “Your freedom to swing your fists ends where my nose begins.” Yet violence and hurt feelings are not the same, neither in law (physical assault is illegal, verbal assault isn’t) nor in practice.

In any case, the freedom of speech of Cardiff University’s Muslims was certainly protected two years ago.

During the ‘Stop the War’ campaign, newspapers were being sold outside the Union building supporting the Intifada and calling for the destruction of Israel; I imagine Israeli students were none too pleased, but the Students’ Union didn’t move the ‘Stop the War’ mob off its steps.

But then the Israelis didn’t make a fuss about it. Perhaps they recognised that finding things ‘offensive’ is utterly childish; an emotional reaction

rather than a rational consideration of whether one agrees or disagrees, and why; a tantrum, in other words.

Higher Education students should know better.

As Merlijn de Smit, another commentator on butterfliesandwheels.com says, “Anyone who is viscerally offended and upset by a cartoon of a religious figure does not have the critical distance toward his own beliefs to function in a University.”

Multiculturalism is a two-way street. By and large, minority religions are accepted in this country.

Their followers must, therefore, also accept the peculiarly British habit of making jokes about everything.

Everything. Along with the odd sense of humour, an enduring UK stereotype is the ‘stiff upper lip’ of the 19th century. Perhaps the stoicism of Victorian Britain was better for us.

Rudyard Kipling’s If- might be often dismissed as doggerel; a list of aphorisms strung together; but it’s the aphorisms I’m interested in: “If you can bear to hear the Truth you’ve spo-

As child pornography is almost universally abhorred, this case demonstrates the degree to which Western societies value free speech.

New legislation was created to replace the ’96 law, as the protection of children requires that such material is not available even to adults otherwise free to view whatever images they wish (similarly with incitement to violence mentioned previously).

Newspapers, on the other hand, by their nature inevitably contain material that may upset. Coverage of war, politics and the arts, for example; subjects on which readers often react passionately. Too many people assume they have a right never to be offended. They do not.

The Islamic Society’s statement claims that it is everyone’s moral obligation to show respect for religion. They have this the wrong way round. By all means criticise something of which one disapproves or with which one disagrees, but in a free and democratic country the only duty when it comes to freedom of speech is never to claim that one’s offended sensibilities require that the cause of that offence be suppressed.

After the London demonstrations on Saturday 11, a gentleman interviewed for a news broadcast claimed “freedom of expression is not freedom of provocation”.

Wrong; although we should avoid antagonising gratuitously, as in the case of the moronic initial publication of the Danish cartoons, that’s precisely what it is. Free speech with caveats is not free speech at all.

Letters

Page 8

February 20 2006

letters@gairrhydd.com

gair rhydd letters pages Hello everybody, I hope you enjoy this week’s letters page.

Don’t you just hate the weather in Cardiff? When I got up this morning after getting hammered in Rubber Duck, it was nice and sunny.

However, when I left the house to walk to my lecture, it was chucking it down with hailstones and I got soaking wet. Typical eh, I knew I should have gone to the previous lecture I missed. Oh well. Menon.

Irony, Glorious Irony?

IS THE name gair rhydd ("free word") intended as some sort of sick joke? I was disgusted to see that this week's edition was pulled and the editor suspended as a result of the decision to publish a cartoon that has been at the heart of one of the week's major news stories.

You either have free speech or you don't. There are not buts. Free speech is free speech is free speech.

The sad fact is that in torching a Danish embassy and in advocating such nice ideas as “beheading those who insult Islam”, many Muslims have succeeded merely in proving the original cartoonists' point.

I have deep sympathy for the clear majority of peaceful Muslims who tear their hair out in frustration at the antics of a lunatic minority who claim to share their faith, but censorship means only that the problem is ignored rather than dealt with and discussed.

Regards Dylan Llyr

Dodgy Decision?

I AM SHOCKED and appalled, though not surprised, at the decision to withdraw and pulp issue #804. I, unlike many of my peers, have seen these cartoons, published throughout Europe, and I can fully appreciate why practicing Muslims would consider them offensive.

Obviously I have not read the article in issue 804 but I would imagine that the article did, or at least should have, presented the facts, including the cartoons and the controversy they have

caused, and then invited students to make informed comments on them. If the article was praising the cartoons, though I don’t for a second think it would have been, then it was right to have had the paper withdrawn.

So, keeping that in mind, the question arises: just why did the Union authorities feel the need to withdraw and pulp the issue? Were they scared that the Muslim population of the University would follow the example of some Middle Eastern Muslims and go on a rampage and burn down the gair rhydd office? I think not.

The obvious answer must therefore be that the Union was afraid of insulting a relatively small percentage of the student population. Since the paper was not insulting the Muslim prophet and presumably only presenting the facts then just why do the Islamic Society feel they have a right to curtail free speech?

I would like to point out to the Islamic Society that the United Kingdom is not an Islamic State and it is not governed by Islamic law. Britain is a society that has always respected the right of the individual to speak his or her mind. I do not wish to unnecessarily insult yours, or any other, faith or religious theories, however you must understand and accept that, somewhat ironically, unlike most Muslim nations British law protects your right to practice your religion and protects you from people wishing to incite religious or racial hatred, but that is not to say you have a right never to be offended.

No doubt many other groups would feel alienated or insulted by articles covering controversial stories. Should Christians get insulted if the paper carries a story regarding gay marriage, for instance?

The Islamic Society has only managed to increase the alienation of student Muslims by their response to this

Text: 07791165837 W h e reʼ’s the burger bar Goodman?

Every little yelps is the worst pun headline Iʼ’ve ever seen W eʼ’re on to you Twice as Nice, mark our words. Love from the police. PS Same time next Monday?

Donʼ’t print this stupid text in the student newspaper.

Hey, I told you not to plonker

Dogs! Dogs! Dogs!

Tucky tucky tucky!

Fuck fuck fuck!

Gareth tucker mother fucker! We love you!

Iʼ’m off for a shit & a wank :) (Ainʼ’t that a ʻ‘shankʼ’ - Ed) Sonia + Naomi = m o re vomit A m y, you give crap blowys but take a good pillow to the head. Love Curtis

letter of the week PC Plop I AM writing in response to the article titled ‘The Islamic Society Respond to gair rhydd 804’.

After discussing the article extensively with fellow students we all came to a single joint conclusion. By withdrawing the article containing the depictions of the Muslim prophet we are compromising our Western belief in free speech in accordance with ridiculous levels of political correctness.

We accept that the pictures were offensive, but all we have seen reported in the press and voiced by many Muslims (not all) is that we as ‘Westerners’ should be more understanding of Islam and their culture.

However, surely by choosing to live in the West and living within our culture, Muslims should respect our Western belief in the right to free speech, including the picture, offensive as it may be. article by inferring that they are somehow above the rest of us and deserve to be treated differently. I’m not suggesting that the Islamic faith should not be tolerated, or that racist or anti-Muslim speeches etc should be permissible, but I am suggesting is that if I want to read about a major current affairs events I should be able to even if the basic elements of that event are insulting to a minority of people. Otherwise where should it end? How far should the University and the Union go towards making Muslim students feel more comfortable? Should the university ban the eating of pork or the drinking of alcohol on its property? Should gair rhydd not be allowed to publish any article that could possibly be contrived to be insulting to Muslims?

A far better response to this sorry episode would have been to say nothing and ignore it and it would have all been forgotten within days. Do you really think that gair rhydd, the Union or the University went out of its way to insult Muslims or encouraged other students to do so? I hardly think so.

By demanding a formal apology the Islamic Society has merely shown how pathetically small-minded and petty they are, and done nothing to harmonise relations between Muslim and non-Muslim students. It is not gair rhydd that needs to apologise; it is the Islamic Society that should apologise to the student population for their arrogance.

I am not a racist or anti-Muslim in any way, shape or form. As I stated above, I agree with the laws that are in place that recognises that racial or religious hatred, and inciting violence of such a nature, are intolerable in a free, democratic society. That said, such laws cannot and should not force the individual or organisation to curtail their freedom of speech in such a manner that would force them to avoid the discussion of topics that certain minorities might find offensive.

That would be an intolerable and inexcusable attack of the democratic rights that are inherent in this nation’s law. The Islamic Society does itself no favours by advocating such an attack

The claim that these pictures should not be published, I quote ‘The publication should never have originally occurred,’ is surely a throw back to communist censorship of the news, although I accept nowhere near as harsh.

As ‘Westerners’ we have accepted Muslims into our societies and allowed them to practice their beliefs and live as they choose, however, in return, surely it is not too much to ask for them to accept our beliefs as we theirs. If the situation were reversed and there were pictures belittling or mocking Christ or God in a Muslim newspaper I believe that it would be accepted.

Have there been any protests against the burning of the flags of numerous nations, peaceful or nonpeaceful, have there been any protests against the destruction of embassies, the answer: no.

Surely by burning flags and destroying Western embassies a small number of Muslims are mockon the freedoms this nation and its people believe in and are far more offensive to someone who believes in freedom and democracy than any cartoon could ever be. By taking the position it has, the Islamic Society has it is directly attacking the laws of this nation and the freedoms they protect and, therefore, the British State and its people.

The Islamic Society should immediately retract their comments, insist that the article in question be reprinted, that the suspended editor and journalists should be immediately reinstated and issue a formal apology to all parties for their unforgivable attack on this nation, its laws and people.

Regards Mark, Post-grad history

Dodgy Decision? 2 Congratulations on making complete wankers out of yourselves with the silly, attention-grabbing gesture of reprinting that cartoon.

Here's hoping that the Fatwas run out before they get to the names of the GR journalists, eh?

In your haste to get something out in place of your silliness, you seem to have managed to make an equally big cock up by printing some patent rubbish penned by your so-called "politics" editor, regarding the current threats to democracy in Venezuela. It really is quite frightening to think that someone who apparently expects us to take him seriously as a "politics editor" can offer such mendacious and deceitful nonsense. Is there any chance that you could explain how an article that purported to discuss the "long slow slide from democracy" in Venezuela could omit to mention the single largest threat to democracy to date in Venezuela? That was, as you well know but neglected to include in the article, the CIA sponsorship of an attempt to overthrow the democratically elected president, Hugo Chávez, in an armed coup in 2002. Or how the discussion about Chávez's attempt to set up a TV channel failed to mention

ing the whole Western culture and undermining Western free speech, yet we have sat back and accepted it.

I know that it is only a small number of Muslims acting this way, but have you seen any of the Pakistani or Afghani embassies in the West destroyed recently or had their flags publicly burned? Again the answer: no.

I am not dictating to Muslims to give up their beliefs and become ‘Westernized’, all I am asking is that there should be a mutual respect and understanding, the pictures were wrong and blasphemous, however it was the artist’s right as a person to express his views through that drawing and he should not be denied that right.

Yours A. Nonymous.

the fact that the five mainstream media channels openly boasted of their opposition to the democratically elected president, channels which spectacularly failed to report on the enormous wave of popular support that brought Chavez back to power some four days after he had been illegally kidnapped

by American-backed members of the military.

Your gullible parroting of Washington-style paranoia about 'reds under the bed' should be a cause of shame to you, but as the unfortunate espisode of the cartoon highlights, you're only in it for the controversy. I can't help wondering, though, what Andrew Mickel's politics lecturers make of his (in)comprehension of Latin American current affairs...

Perhaps he was too busy to attend that lecture?

Gareth Gordon, Postgrad, ENCAP

POLITICS EDITOR ANDREW MICKEL RESPONDS: I don’t dispute that the US has unfairly intervened in the country. But just because Venezuela is a country in opposition to the US doesn’t invalidate the facts that Chavez is quickly undermining the democratic channels in the country. You can’t call a country a democracy when its leader imprisons the head of the Unions out of personal spite, and then manipulates the electoral process with his own henchmen.

But thanks for validating my statement in Mickelodeon last week, that this uni swills in baseless antiAmericanism. I wasn’t expecting that statement to pay off so quickly.

Please email letters to

letters@gairrhydd.com We will endeavour to print anything that we think is worthwhile, but bear in mind we have space restrictions and some standards of decency. Please also note that the views expressed in these letters are not neccessarily the views of Letters Desk, Cardiff University Students’ Union or gair rhydd.

Comment

February 20 2006

Page 9

columnist@gairrhydd.com

MICKELODEON Back by popular complaint

The fight of the unimaginative logos T he Welsh Assembly has been around for seven years.

Somehow, that seems completely unfathomable; it’s certainly still finding it hard to establish itself with a clear purpose. A fair chunk of its time seems to be taken up by people complaining about their bins (which is the Council’s responsibility, if you live in post-apocalyptically rubbish strewn Cathays), rather than their actual competencies.

Two recent examples have shown that whilst the Assembly can work well (such as the case of Herceptin below), the Assembly’s dealings with the Western Mail’s management in January shows it at its absolute worst: incompetent, impotent and potentially irrelevant.

The Western Mail is, for want of a better word, crap. Anyone who’s ever made the mistake of buying it will find themselves in ownership of some mighty inky bog roll. But in many ways, it isn’t the fault of the paper itself.

The Mail is part of Trinity Mirror, the company that completely dominates the Welsh press. But it is also a company that has a habit of milking hardworking hacks, and then providing very little investment in return. It is pretty much solely responsible for the fact that there is no national paper for Wales, with the Mail covering the south, and the Daily Post dealing with the north. And they are also now responsible for the fact that 38 workers were recently axed from the Western Mail, without any consultation with the unions.

When hauled up before the Welsh Assembly Culture Committee about Trinity Mirror’s dominance over the Welsh media, the company’s management demonstrated what they’ve done for Wales with a Powerpoint presentation, the real sign of a professional.

This included such fantastic highlights as bringing Trade-It Monday, Wednesday and ASSEMBLY: Scrawny, like a chicken Friday to be

printed in Wales (ooooh!), securing the print contracts for the Bracknell Midweek AND the Bracknell Homes Supplement (wow!), not to mention introducing a four page TV Guide to the Western Mail (someone get me a chair, it’s all just too much).

Anyone who’s bought it will find themselves in ownership of some mighty inky bog roll At which point you’d hope that the Culture Committee would jump in with well-prepared arguments for why the company should start putting some real investment into its underpowered Welsh titles.

Unfortunately, few people on the committee had any idea what they were talking about. Trinity management easily dismissed a report provided by Cardiff University that questioned their role in Wales, and no committee members knew enough to contest the move.

A North Wales AM made several offensive statements about the company management and London in general (showing the sort of maturity you’d hope for from a political institution), before getting into an argument with the Chair of the meeting. The Chair, meanwhile, was so inept that she didn’t even notice that she’d forgotten to

let the Unions speak until way after company’s already bulging bottom line instead of providing some real journaltime.

There was one sole voice on the ism for Wales.

In the end, it won’t be the Assembly committee who asked relevant questions beyond the general standard of that makes a jot of difference to the ‘what’s your favourite printing ink?’ quality of the Western Mail. Metro, the freesheet that’s provided in about a and ‘Poptarts- cooked or cold?’

Culture Minister Alan Pugh rightly dozen British cities, is finally coming targeted the fact that there is little real to Cardiff. Trinity will finally have material in the paper any more, as it’s decent competition that might make solely composed of lifestyle, Lowri them consider investing in their titles, Turner, and local filler material. This instead of axing workers. But it illusobviously didn’t go down so well with trates how far the Assembly still has to the editor of the Western Mail, given go to prove itself as a real institution. that two days later, Alan Pugh’s column was axed from the paper.

Ultimately, the committee’s ignorance has meant that Trinity Mirror will emerge with no real change.

On the basis of the performance at the Culture Committee, Trinity don’t seem to consider the Mail a national paper; it barely even seems to register as a regional title. It’s instead fast becoming a glorified local paper.

Any ‘great advances’ in turning tabloid or launching a digital edition isn’t going to hide the fact that, when compared to a real national paper like the Scotsman, the Mail is largely trash.

All of the outlined plans are small thinking for a small paper, intended to boost the WESTERN MAIL: Wins in dragon stakes

Making the breast of a bad situation T he Welsh Assembly’s relocation into its new chamber also marked the end of Jayne Sullivan’s vigil for the breast cancer drug Herceptin to be funded by the NHS (see page four).

The fight for Herceptin has been one of those long, drawn-out battles that has taken on so many dimensions that no-one really understands what’s going on any more. To try and understand it takes a bit of detail – stick with me, you can memorise it and wow your friends at dinner parties.

So, let’s start with the basics: Herceptin is one of a new range of cancer drugs that whilst being effective, are incredibly expensive. The debate over Herceptin focuses on the role of the fantastically named Nice, a relatively new body that assesses whether or not a drug is suitable for the NHS. It checks both whether it is effective in it’s potential use, and whether it is effective for the amount of money it costs. Nice has already licensed it for use for advanced breast cancer sufferers, but the current debate is over whether or not it is suitable for

those in the early stage.

Herceptin’s current assessment has been surrounded by accusations that Nice is unnecessarily holding up the drug’s approval in order to save money. But whilst ‘institution withholds drugs from cancer victim’ has made a good story on the news, it misses out some key facts.

The much-vaunted effectiveness of Herceptin is based upon studies in America, some of which have been sponsored by drug companies. There is a possible link to heart disease that has yet to be disproven. And in relation to Nice, the accusations of penny-pinching are harsh on a body that’s just had one of its key decision making committees axed . In short, the drug has not yet been proven as safe or effective for the amount of money it would take away from elsewhere in the NHS. Jayne Sullivan is protesting because she wants the Assembly to tell local health boards to provide the new drug on the NHS for early stage sufferers.

As it is, it is the local health boards that decide whether or not they provide funding for the drug, and her board currently does not.

No-one would begrudge her the right to protest; without the drug she’s likely to die, and she has consistently ensured that she has never made any grand, sweeping statements about Herceptin.

But that does not mean that the Government should push the local health boards to provide funding. The major problem is that Herceptin is going to be the first of 40 new cancer drugs that are coming up for review

by Nice in the next seven years, and all of them are exceptionally expensive.

They are effective against cancer in certain forms. But Herceptin alone could swallow up half of the NHS’s drug budget by itself. For the first time, we’ve reached a point where it’s

going to be impossible to fund treatments that could save many lives.

And that is going to be the first real test for the Welsh Assembly. The Assembly have voted to look into making the process of drug approval faster. But if this means simply green lighting all of these new drugs, they will bankrupt the NHS. That is why the economics are important. The Assembly has suggested moving closer to the Scottish model, which is faster than Nice. But I’ve spoken to someone from there, who tells me that they rely on the economic data of drug companies instead of doing their own research. That simply isn’t good enough.

Just screaming ‘reform’ to sort out Nice will lead to drugs being misused on the NHS. What is needed is for Nice to be given the resources and time it needs to do its job, and for people to realise that drug testing is more than just a bureaucratic hurdle.

Unless the Assembly learns to make this distinction, we can kiss the chances of a responsibly managed NHS in Wales goodbye.

Science & Environment

February 20 2006

Page 10

science@gairrhydd.com

To China with love As you may have noticed, Britain is pretty small. As our landfills reach capacity, Asia reaps the rubbish rewards

By Morgan Evans and Ceri Morgan

B

RITAIN IN recent years has taken major steps in the push towards recycling.

From government initiatives to the expansion by councils of recycling facilities; many have taken up the reuse and recycle mantra.

This can only be a good thing as household waste amounts to about 30 million tonnes per year, and though recycling rates are rising, much still ends up as landfill.

For example, glass recycling levels hit a record high in 2005, but only 50.8 per cent is recycled leaving over 1.2 million tonnes in our landfill sites.

In recent years however, some of that waste is being exported to the growing economies of Southeast Asia, and can be seen as one of the ways of easing our landfill levels.

Of our overall waste which includes commercial, industrial and household waste - at least 4 million tonnes are exported overseas to countries like China and India.

Most of this is then reused and harnessed for their industries.

According to environmental campaigners, however, this could be seen as just dumping our waste in someone else’s back yard, and the sorting processes are environmentally damaging.

Recycling in the UK is much more environmentally successful, but just isn’t reaching it’s full potential. Paper is seen to be one of the greatest successes as approximately 57% of our paper in one form or another is now

Household waste amounts to 30 million tonnes per year recycled and reused.

UK papermakers in production use the highest amount of recycled paper in Europe, (74%) much higher than the European average (46%).

However, some areas are less impressive. Of the five billion aluminium cans we use in Britain each year, two-thirds eventually end up at land fill sites.

Aluminium is the only recyclable material that fully covers its cost of collection and reprocessing but is one of the least recycled products.

This is often put down to the fact that we drink them on the go and then just throw them into a normal bin, which is preferable to carrying a can home, washing it out and placing it in a recycle bag.

Even extensive television campaigns showing how many planes and trains can be made from recycled aluminum - and featuring Eddie Izzard don’t seem to be enough to shift the nation’s conscience.

The same problem can be said of plastic bottles. In the average household 373 bottles are used each year ,of

UK landfills: full to capacity which only 29 are recycled. This is therefore less than 10 per cent of the total consumed.

In many areas the public still do not make the most of the extensive new facilities and services that are provided.

An increasing number of county councils have recycling schemes up and running, but in many areas the output of these schemes is poor.

Paul Vanston recycling manager for north London commented recently that “half our residents recycle rarely or not at all; if we could get them to use the services that we already provide we could easily get up to 30 or 40 per cent of recycled waste.”

Though recycling is growing, much more needs to be done if we are to solve or at least ease the problems of UK landfill use.

Asia Bound?

PHOTO: Graeme Porteous

BINS: Recycling has not yet reached its full potential

Taf-Od

Tud 11

BUDDUGOLIAETH I’R GYM GYM

ADOLYGIAD GIG: RADIO LUXEMBOURG, THE STRAND A PORCHLIGHT

Chwefror 20 2006

tafod@gairrhydd.com

MAE TIM PEL-DROED y Gym Gym wedi ennill eu gêm gyntaf yn nhymor newydd pêl-droed yr IMG. Aeth tîm Gym Gym ar y blaen yn gynnar iawn yn y gêm yn erbyn Dreigiau Caerdydd. Iwan Price sgoriodd y gôl gyntaf ar ôl iddao redeg heibio dau o chwaraewyr y Dreigiau a chicio’r bêl i gornel y rhwyd.

Dilynwyd y gôl hon yn agos gan gic lwyddiannus o ugain llath gan Owain Siôn, a oedd yn annisgwyl i Hugh Greenwood o’r Dreigiau a’i amddiffynwyr.

O ganlyniad i reolaeth y Gym Gym o’r cae chwarae yn ystod ugain munud cyntaf y gêm, newidiodd y Dreigiau eu tacteg i geisio herio dynion y Gym

Gym a oedd yn gyflymach ac yn gryfach.

Mae’n debyg fod newid trefn y Dreigiau yn cadw’r Gym Gym hyd braich am sbel. Ond, erbyn hanner amser, roedd y Gym Gym ar y blaen o 5 gôl i 0 ar ôl i Dafydd Heally benio cic gornel i gefn rhwyd y Dreigiau a sgoriodd Mathew Phillips ddwy gôl.

Er mwyn ceisio lefelu’r sgôr daeth y dyn canol cae, Bobby O’Donnell, i chwarae ar gyfer y Dreigiau ar ddechrau’r ail hanner. Ond, er gwaethaf ei ymdrechion ef a Richard Wheadon yng nghanol cae, llwyddodd y Gym Gym i rwydo tair gôl ychwanegol cyn y chwib olaf. Collodd Dreigiau Caerdydd y frwydr pan sgoriodd Emyr

Huws gôl dra haeddiannol gydag Owain Siôn ac Iwan Price yn hawlio ail gôl yr un a olygodd fuddugoliaeth o 8 i 0 i’r Gym Gym. Mae trechu’r Dreigiau’n llwyddiant mawr i dîm pêl-droed Gym Gym gan nad oedden nhw’n gallu chwarae yn yr IMG llynedd. Ond bydd llawer o chwaraewyr y Dreigiau’n graddio yn yr haf ac felly bydd eu cyfraniad at bêldroed yr IMG yn dod i ben. Felly, maen nhw’n gobeithio cael mwy o lwyddiant yn y cynghrair cyn diwedd y tymor.

Er hynny, bydd tîm y Gym Gym yn sicr o ddathlu eu llwyddiant haeddiannol ar ôl gêm i’w chofio.

Gan Lois Dafydd Gohebydd Taf-Od MAE’N BRAF GWELD mwy a mwy o fandiau Cymraeg yn chwarae yn Barfly. Roedd The Heights a Sibrydion yno ganol Ionawr, a thro Radio Luxembourg o Aberystwyth oedd hi ar y 27ain.

Ro’dd Barfly’n orlawn o’r cychwyn cyntaf – trueni nad yw’r lle’n fwy o faint! Yn anffodus, dwi ddim yn cofio llawer am y ddau fand cyntaf, sef The Strand a Porchlight. Ond o weld maint ac ymateb y dorf, dwi’n credu fod y ddau wedi plesio!

Dyma’r tro cyntaf i Radio Lux gloi gig yng Nghaerdydd, ac erbyn iddyn nhw ymddangos ar y llwyfan roedd y dorf wedi ehangu cryn dipyn a’r naws yn un addawol.

Rhyddhaodd y Lux eu sengl cyntaf, Lisa, Magic a Porva, ym mis Tachwedd, ac o fewn ychydig wythnosau roedd hi’n anodd cael gafael ar gopi ohoni. Ond, dwi’n dyfalu o’r canu brwdfrydig ei bod hi’n rhan o gasgliad y rhan fwyaf o dorf y Barfly’n barod.

Roedd ymateb da i’r caneuon newydd hefyd, ond Lisa, Magic a Porva oedd trac y noson, a ffrwydrodd pawb i ganu a dawnsio gwyllt! Roedd hi hefyd yn

adlewyrchiad perffaith o’r noson, yn hwyliog, llawn bywyd, gyda chyffyrddiadau chwareus!

Gwaetha’r modd, tarfodd y system sain ar ambell i gân, ond amharodd hynny ddim ar y perfformiad. Ymdopodd y band yn dda, ac mae’n amlwg eu bod nhw’n gyfforddus ar lwyfan, ac yn broffesiynol.

Yn ogystal â bod yn Radio Lux, mae Meilyr (y prif leisydd) a Dylan (y pianydd) wedi bod yn chwarae gydag Euros Childs, gynt o Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci, felly mae’r ddau’n brofiadol iawn. Euros Childs oedd hefyd yn gyfrifol am gynhyrchu Lisa, Magic a Porva, ac mae’i ddylanwad yn amlwg arni hi a rhai o’r caneuon eraill – does dim posib i hynny fod yn beth gwael!

Mae’r band yn mynd o nerth i nerth ac wedi eu henwebu ar gyfer sawl gwobr yng Ngwobrau RAP 2006 gan gynnwys Band y Flwyddyn (pleidlais gan wrandawyr Radio Cymru), a hynny yn erbyn dau o fandiau mwyaf y sîn roc Gymraeg, Sibrydion a Mattoidz.

Bydd cyfle i fyfyrwyr Prifysgol Caerdydd eu gweld eto yn y gig sy’n cyd-fynd â’r Eisteddfod Rhyng-gol ar 4 Mawrth, felly dewch yn llu!

Gym Gym yn llwyddo ar y cae pêl-droed.

Bydd Radio Luxembourg yn chwarae yn y gig ar 4 Mawrth sy’n cydfynd â’r Eisteddfod Ryng-golegol.

HOFFI COGINIO? Gan Kathryn Harries Golygydd Taf-Od MAE DUDLEY NEWBURY yn galw ar gogyddion amatur gwerth eu halen i roi tro ar gyfres realiti newydd sbon, ‘Chez Dudley’, fydd yn cael ei ffilmio mewn ysgol goginio arbennig yn Ffrainc yn ddiweddarach eleni.

Mae’n rhaid i ymgeiswyr fod yn 18 oed i gymryd rhan, a dylid cysylltu â Gwifren Gwylwyr S4C ar 0870 6004141 neu s4c.co.uk/dudley am ffurflen gais. Y dyddiad cau ar gyfer ceisiadau yw dydd Gwener, 10 Mawrth.

O blith y rhai sy’n ymgeisio, bydd Dudley a phanel o feirniaid yn dewis wyth cogydd brwd mewn sesiynau agored a gynhelir mewn pedwar lleoliad ledled y wlad.

Cynhelir y sesiynau yng Nghaernarfon ar 25 Mawrth, Aberystwyth ar 26 Mawrth, Caerdydd ar 1 Ebrill a Chaerfyrddin ar 2 Ebrill.

Bydd gofyn i'r cogyddion ddod â

chwrs cyntaf neu bwdin – wedi ei baratoi o flaen llaw - er mwyn i Dudley a'r paneleu blasu.

Os yn llwyddiannus, gofynnir i ymgeiswyr ddychwelyd ar gyfer ail rownd yn Aberystwyth ym mis Mai lle byddant yn gorfod profi eu sgiliau coginio drwy ddarparu cwrs arbennig i'r beirniaid.

Bydd yr wyth sy’n dod i’r brig yn ymuno â Dudley yn Ffrainc, lle byddant yn wynebu sawl her, gyda’r cogydd gorau yn ennill cwrs coginio yn ysgol goginio enwog Raymond Blanc, Le Manoir aux Quat’ Saison yn swydd Rhydychen.

Eglura Dudley, “Mae'r cyfle yma'n sicr o apelio at unrhyw un sydd o ddifri’ am goginio ac sydd eisiau treulio cyfnod yn datblygu eu sgiliau ac yn cael blas ar fywyd mewn gwlad sy'n enwog am fwyd a gwin da.

"Mae'n gystadleuaeth gyffrous. Wy bob amser yn hoffi cwrdd â phobl Cymru ac wy'n gwybod y cawn ni amser caled yn penderfynu ar rester."

Politics

Page 12

February 20 2006

politics@gairrhydd.com

Cedar treason Price of patriotism

By Alexandra Belias Political Correspondent

F

or millions of people February 14 is Valentine’s Day. But for the Lebanese this day has a special significance. Instead of the hustle and bustle of shopping, Lebanon has thousands and thousands of people demonstrating in the streets; instead of cheesy commercial formulas, Lebanon has militant slogans. Heart-shaped chocolates have been replaced by flags and the cedar tree, the nation’s symbol.

On the February 14, the Prime Minister of Lebanon, Rafic Hariri, was killed in a car bomb. His assassination, though coming as a shock to most people, was in fact quite predictable, later inquiries even proving that Hariri knew his life might be in danger.

in 1949, Palestinian refugees progressively moved to Lebanon, especially following the emergence of the ‘Black September’ faction and the relocation by the PLO to Beirut.

The growing Palestinian population living in refugees’ camps reopened Lebanon’s wounds.

From 1975 to 1990 Lebanon was entangled in an international and civil war: the conflict between Palestinians and Lebanese was coupled with a conflict between Christians and Muslims. The intervention of Israel and the arrival of Syrian troops complicated the situation and led Lebanon to the edge of disaster. Peace was finally achieved at the beginning of the 1990s, but was accompanied by the recognition of Syria as a ‘big brother’, whose influence was obvious.

But Syria’s stranglehold over the country became increasingly publicly criticized, especially after

LEBANON: Taking to the streets Since his death, Lebanon has undergone a revolution: the country which was dubbed the ‘Switzerland of the Middle East’ in the 1950s, which had suffered from 15 years of civil war and which, since 1990 was in a process of rebuilding, has suddenly returned into the international spotlight in its bid to become a united and independent country.

But Lebanon was never really either united or independent. Until the 1970s, the country prospered and became a beacon in the Middle East: its economy, its banks and its hotels attracted investment and workers.

HARIRI: Assassinated But Lebanon was, from its very creation, a religiously diverse society in which tensions and conflicts were inevitable. Lebanon’s constitution allocated political power on an essentially religious basis.

Sectarianism remains a key element of Lebanese political life. For example, the position of President is reserved for a Maronite Christian, while the Prime Minister has to be a Sunni Muslim.

Lebanon was also weakened by its neighbours: after Israel’s creation

Israel's withdrawal from southern Lebanon in 2000. When Syria visibly interfered by modifying the constitution so that the pro-Syrian President Emile Lahoud could remain in office, widespread protests were seen.

This led to the UN Security Council resolution 1559 demanding that Syria remove the troops it had stationed in Lebanon. It was in this volatile context that Hariri was killed, undoubtedly by the Syrians as punishment for questioning their influence over Lebanon.

His assassination led to massive demonstrations in which unity was claimed to have been achieved.

Syria ended by withdrawing its forces from Lebanon.

2005 has thus been a linchpin: it marks the beginning of a new era saluting the sovereignty of the country. However, it would be a mistake to voice an overly optimistic description of Lebanon: the blatant economic inequalities still ensure a divided society. Lebanon remains a very indebted country, and no alternative has been found to its religious foundations.

An even more worrying issue is that, since 2005, the country has been plagued by car bombings targeting anti-Syrian personalities.

What has followed is a climate of fear, but also an atmosphere of mourning since journalists such as Samir Kassir, and more recently Gebran Tueni, have been killed. The commemoration of Hariri’s death is thus an acknowledgement of the changes the country has undergone, but also a reminder that other reforms are needed.

By Tim Hewish Political Correspondent

L

ast week saw the Six Nations commence in dramatic style.

Being an Englishman living in Wales I found our victory all the sweeter, but I was still pleased to witness the patriotism that every Welshman shared: the crimson shirt, the flags, the dragon and the abundance of empty Brains pint glasses.

Though what got my attention was the trip to the supermarket afterwards.

The cost of the Welsh rugby shirt – £25 for an official product – is significantly below the RRP of £50. I know almost everyone reading this paper is a student, and thus always looking for a way to save money, but at what cost does this supermarket purchase have on the smaller businesses?

Supermarkets do not have an affiliation with Wales. Their tie is economic, not patriotic On the following Monday I went out and visited four local Welsh rugby stores decked out with dragons and the shirts promoting the Welsh cause. For them the Welsh cause is not just for the Six Nations, but 365 days a year. But the price of each shirt was alarming to my bank balance; the price of being an honorary Welshman for the Six Nations came in at £50.

The shopkeepers have said that the price difference is an intrusion into their one and only market. That’s now under attack by non-partisan businesses, whose only loyalty is counted and measured by money. These smaller

businesses promote the Welsh team each and every day, and I got the feeling that they believed the larger supermarkets were only looking to make a mass profit during the Six Nations period.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand the repercussions of such a move. The Welsh stores simply lose out, with their corner of the market in Welsh paraphernalia under siege by the likes of Tesco and Asda. They can use economies of scale to their favour, and are subsequently able to sell the prized rugby shirt at a lower price.

A similar ploy was applied last year during the Ashes, when Asda managed to sell the England shirts for around as little as £25, while the RRP was pushing £40. The option of cheaper shirts allows more people to be able to own one and feel a part of the movement; but to many shopkeepers and locals, the pride of the Welsh shirt isn’t just for the Six Nations, it’s for life. Supermarkets do not have an affiliation with Wales.

Their tie is economic, not patriotic.

The issue over shirts is just the surface of the well-known underlying problem with supermarkets growing and holding the monopoly over goods and products. In my native land, I remember walking into my local newsagents knowing all the shopkeepers and actually having a conversation with them. In Tesco, your only conversation will be the ‘£66.97 please’ greeting we receive from the 16-yearold on the till. ENGLAND: Cheap at

This may soon be the only option for our rugby and football shirts; placed on the end of tills during the Six Nations and World Cup tournaments, only then to be discarded to the corner of the shop until the next tournament comes around.

But in my opinion, it is better to line the pockets of your local community so it can keep its head above financial water, than aid and abet the conglomerates’ dominance over patriotism.

half the price

Health

February 20 2006

Page 13

health@gairrhydd.com

Giving you food for thought Health investigates which foods are best at getting us up and out of bed, as well as helping us beat the early morning winter lecture blues

Eat ‘superfoods’ EXERCISE

By Vanessa Roche Health Editor

IT DOESN’T take a genius to realise that your average student diet is not exactly conducive to a healthy lifestyle.

Many of us rely on a diet of takeaways, pizzas and crisps – all stodgy carbohydrates which, in moderation, can be good for us, but can also lead our systems to become sluggish as our bodies struggle to break down the complex carbohydrates.

At this time of year, when it is dark and cold outside and we don’t feel like doing anything at all, we need a boost to give us the energy to get out of bed

and get going in the morning.

One option open to us all is to start eating more ‘superfoods’. These are foods that have the ability to make us feel alert and wide-eyed, even if we only got in from a night out three hours before it’s time to get up and go again.

Superfoods are mostly cheap and filling, and are so easy to fit into your diet.

Below are a few of the most common superfoods and some easy ways to get them into your diet.

Beans - have baked beans on wholewheat or brown bread for a brain boost.

Blueberries, fresh or dried - these berries are like mini blue heroes as far

BROCCOLI: give it a try

Caffeine Vs ginseng?

By Laura Murphy Deputy Health Editor PROPLUS IS undoubtedly the saviour of many an essay; how many students haven’t got by on the little white caffeine pills when deadlines are looming?

ProPlus and other caffeine supplements are undoubtedly effective in maintaining an alert mental state, but the downside to these high doses of caffeine is that it can increase anxiety, and continual use can lead to insomnia, headaches and irritability.

An alternative to caffeine; ginseng supplements have been touted for decades as a more natural and gentle way of remaining alert and focused for longer. Studies on the plant however have proved inconclusive; although some studies have suggested that the root does have some concentrationenhancing properties, others have dismissed it as creating a ‘placebo’ effect

on those who take it, making them believe that they actually feel more alert.

For now, at least, it seems that caffeine is the fastest (but not necessarily the healthiest) way to kick-start your morning. ProPlus, when taken in moderation, is far better at increasing alertness and keeping you going on two hours sleep. it is available at chemists and should only be taken in moderation, as prolonged or very excessive use can, in some cases, give you some very nasty side effects. Taken as described on the box, you will be fine and wide awake.

For the less adventurous, try a good old-fashioned cup of tea or coffee - but make sure that you do not settle down onto the sofa and stay there.

Cold winter mornings are never good but you will have to brave them eventually. Follow our advice and you will wonder what you were worried about in the first place.

as your body is concerned.

Broccoli - we know, but try it in pasta with a creamy (low fat) sauce and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Oats - great for breakfast, especially with blueberries sprinkled on top for a double boost.

Oranges - high in vitamin C and great as a snack, these will leave you feeling fresh.

Pumpkin - try the seeds with your oats and the flesh as a dessert.

Salmon - not always within the budget, but very healthy baked or steamed and exceptionally good for concentration.

Soy - the best way for veggies to get the maximum of brain-enhancing protein.

Spinach - follow Popeye’s lead, and you will stay strong and focused.

Tea, green or black - it is full of antioxidants to keep you alert.

Tomatoes - cheap and easy. Stir into pasta, chop for a salad or, if you must, put fresh slices on top of your pizza.

Walnuts - full of ‘good fats’, essential for improved memory and concentration. Eat a handful as a snack or put them on top of a salad.

Yoghurt - natural, organic yoghurt is good for your body and improves brain power. Eat it as it is or with blueberries for maximum effect.

By Laura Murphy Deputy Health Editor EXERCISE HAS long been associated with good health and fitness, but now research is suggesting that there is a link between exercise and increased brain function.

At this time of year it may seem more appealing to laze around in a centrally heated daze watching daytime TV, but getting out there and doing some moderate exercise could in fact help your mind as well as shifting any lingering postChristmas pounds.

A study in 2005 showed that exercise could be used as both as a treatment and as a preventative against mild depression, and that regular exercise could help raise energy levels, increasing brain function further.

So could increasing the amount of exercise you do really help you think and feel better?

Research shows that exercise, whether it’s working out in the gym or perhaps just walking to and from lectures, releases chemicals within the brain that affect mood (such as endorphins, which help

alleviate depression) and increase the body’s ability to cope with stress (such as norepinephrine, a chemical found in greater quantities in people taking anti-depressants).

Potentially, increasing the amount of physical activity that you do, even if its just walking rather than taking the bus, could increase levels of these stressbusting chemicals within your brain, which in turn increase the body’s ability to cope with different situations involving mental stress.

Exercise may also help during periods where you need to be more alert and focused - a study in 2002 found that just 30 minutes of moderate exercise could increase your ability to perform and focus better in mental tests.

Recent studies even suggest that regular exercise could in fact help regenerate brain cells, which until recently was thought to be impossible. There are even suggestions that exercise could help repair damaged brain cells, although this has yet to be proven. But we do know this - exercise boosts your brain power, so get going.

Media

Page 14

February 20 2006

media@gairrhydd.com

Here’s to you, Mr Robinson Running in and out of studios, drinking coffee and swearing a lot: Dan Fisher spends a day in the life of one of the most senior journalist in Britain

N

ick Robinson has been working as the BBC’s political editor since the end of last August. Educated at Oxford, reading Politics, Philosophy and Economics, his first broadcasting job was as an “unpaid gofer’ for Piccadilly Radio in Manchester.

Nick hit headlines in the run up to the 2005 election for upsetting Blair’s entourage, and being called a ‘fucking pillock’ by Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott.

Getting work experience with the BBC is notoriously a difficult and lengthy process, so landing a day shadowing one of news broadcasting most highly regarded journalists, was a great day for gair rhydd – and an even better one for me.

On Arriving at the BBC Studios, Nick was caught up watching Ruth Kelly in Parliament, and so I was given an impromptu tour of ‘where the magic happens’. Walking through the different sections of the studios, a few journalists were watching coverage of Mrs Kelly in the commons, commenting ‘she looks bloody smug’.

Other journalists were talking on phones, typing away wildly at computers or repeating “fuck , fuck, fuck” at the confusion of putting stories together.Then it was time to watch The Daily Politics go out live from the editing room – this was again full of people running in and out, drinking coffee and shouting ‘fuck!’ a lot.

As Nick was on his way back to the studios, it was time to re-join the journalists watching Kelly, and this was as events got decidedly more interesting.

Just as a BBC News 24 feed went hor-

ribly wrong to a chorus of ‘oh fuck’ from its producers, Nick came back into the office, clearly unhappy and said a brief hello before heading towards his producer’s office Dressed in a smart suit and trade mark thick cut glasses he had a heated debate with the producer over covering the Ruth Kelly story. Nick felt that the story had nothing to do with politics and that it should be covered by a ‘special affairs’ journalist. Infact he was rather disgruntled that he had

“You have to be friends with politicans or you’ll never get anywhere” spent two hours reading documents reading child protection laws.

Eventually, the issue was resolved with Nick agreeing to do the story on the Six O’Clock News but he wanted to make it clear he was not happy. In the same breath he turned and offered to buy lunch, and as we walked out of the studio he added, laughing, ‘cementing my reputation as a grumpy old sod’.

After making small talk about Cardiff and checking that I was okay to note down every move, Nick was keen to get me up to speed with the work we would be covering in the afternoon. All the footage from the Commons speech needed to be trawled through, finding suitable sound bites to include in their two

minute news segment.

Throughout lunch it became came clear that Nick is interested in all sides of journalism, genuinely excited about the prospect of being followed around by gair rhydd, watching him work you can see that you’d never been considered for a position like his without passion for your craft - something he appears to have by the bucket load.

Infact within the BBC studios, Nick’s reputation as a ‘chirpy northerner’ seems to boost morale. Earlier that day, the director of The Daily Politics gushed as I told her I was spending the ‘day in his life’: “Oh, you’re very lucky” she said. “He is a lovely man.”

Later in the editing suite, the producer looked knackered and started rubbing his temples as the segment kept running over, at one point lasting over five minutes. Nick laughed and added: “Picked a bloody good day Dan, it’s boring when things go right.”

Eventually finished at ten to six and without any script written, we got up and walked (very quickly) to where Nick was due to do his broadcast.

Live outside Parliament he stood quietly with an ear piece, talking to the voice in his ear, and it became apparent that he was on any second. There were no monitors around so it was a bit of a surprise when Nick began to speak.

Changing his voice into clear reporting tone quashed any doubts of him being underprepared, it was impressive that with no reference to what he might say on air and no notes, no script and no auto-cue, that the segment went out correct and on time.

NICK ROBINSON: BBC Political Editor

Question time O nce the piece was over, Nick finished for the day and was happy to answer some questions before heading out to meet a ‘contact’.

On the way we bumped into Liberal Democrat MP Lembit Opik, who spoke to Nick as if they were good friends.

This surprised me so I put it to Nick. “You have to be friends with the politicians or you’ll never get anywhere,” he tells me. “The danger is getting too friendly and being unable to properly report on a story because of personal feeling towards a person.” I remember hearing Lembit tell Nick how glad he was to have got his candidate for the Liberal Democrat leadership race off to a ‘flying start’.

Himself once a ‘Young Conservative’, I was keen to ask Nick why he had become a journalist and not a Tory politician. “I always wanted to be a journalist” he said. His best friend at school had been the son of Brian Redhead, the former presenter of The Today Programme and he had always loved and admired the craft.

He describes being a young conservative as being both a blessing and a curse: “It will hang over me whatever I do” he explains. There were very vocal protests at a former Conservative becoming political editor of the BBC, and whilst he was generally welcomed, there were certainly those who groaned at him being appointed.

Do you regret joining them? “It’s an irony, that despite the criticism I get from it now, having been politically involved really helped me get this job” he tells me. “The contacts I made have given me an edge over other political hacks.”

I ask him what he thinks the problems are in communicating politics to an audience, many of whom don’t trust politicians and find politics dull. “There is definitely a ‘them ‘n’ us’ issue” he explains. “We walk a tight-rope in our profession between persuading an audience we are digging up what they want to hear and persuading the politicians that we are on their side.”

Is it hard to mask your own opinion? “Never” he responds quickly and I gather he must be used to answering this question. “I’ve been in politics so long that I am always able to see both sides of an argument. It’s never been an issue” So what is the best thing about being in such a powerful role? “To be caught up in the middle of a massive political issue such as Iraq is a massive thrill.” His enthusiasm shines through. “It still gives me a hell of an adrenaline rush”.

And the worst? “No life” he replies and tells me that just the week before he was just about to leave for the cinema with his children before receiving a phone call about Charles Kennedy’s resignation. “It was rush in, shave, put a suit on and straight to work,” he tells me.

You get the sense that he feels slightly guilty about this, but that it is an inevitable part of him doing what he loves.

Given that he has reached perhaps the most coveted job in British political journalism, I ask him what he wants to do next. He looks thoughtful; it’s clearly not something he often thinks about. “I have no idea, I’d like to keep doing this job for a long time” he says.

Later on, he tells me his dream is to present Today and emulate his mentor Brian Redhead.

Free Stuff

February 20 2006

Page 15

competitions@gairrhydd.com

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

Hip and hand-made FREE BEER!

A GIRL can always find an excuse to treat herself, and if you didn’t get much in the way of a red rose or a hand-made card this Valentine’s day, the perfect consolation is your debit card and a visit to FireflyGifts.com.

OK, so I personally did pretty well this February 14, but that didn’t stop me from checking out Firefly Gifts, a London-based collective of

20-something designers who appreciate the power of good accessorising.

From hand-made underwear to funky bags and glamorous tiaras, all products at Firefly Gifts are inspired by both contemporary and retro designs and materials. What’s more, they’re lovingly created and hand-made in limited runs, so you won’t find an identical copy anywhere.

Check out the very affordable yet completely unique collection as currently featured on the website; in addition to the beautiful new range of bags and jewellery, Firefly are running an exclusive sale for a limited period.

With postage and packaging at only £1 (everything arrives by

recorded delivery) purchasing is easy. Plus, all orders arrive within seven working days, so you can order the perfect accessory to complete your party outfit just one week before the

event.

As an introductory gesture, FireflyGifts.com have designed and hand-made a skinny scarf and stylish evening clutch bag for one lucky gair rhydd reader.

If you’d like to get your hands on them, email us at the usual address.

YOU’RE GONNA love this one kids.

As of March 1 and 2, the Real Ale and Cider Society is bringing the annual beer festival to the Great Hall for its ninth successive year.

Despite their obvious connections with alcohol, this society are actually all for good causes aside from getting drunk. Last year, the festival raised £2,000 for charities - and this year it’s even bigger.

No less than 50 real ales and 22 traditional ciders and perries will be on sale, meaning that over 4,500 pints must be consumed during the two-day event.

In addition to the Supreme Champion Beers of Britain and Wales, established local favourites such as Tomos Watkins and Brains will be on offer.

So, time to work on those beer bellies guys. Entry is £2.50 and doors open at 1pm on March 1.

Along with the ever-popular beer quiz, live music and food are also on the cards.

To celebrate the event, gair rhydd have teamed up with the Real Ale Society to offer one lucky student the following: ! ! !

Free entry to the festival Souvenir glass and t-shirt 15 beer tokens (that’s 7.5 pints!)

If you’d like to win, simply email us at the usual address.

For more details, contact the Real Ale Society at realales@cardiff.ac.uk.

Win trendy gear and free beer - courtesy of gair rhydd!

HI LOVELIES, you’ll be pleased to know we have a new resident competitions fairy, Lisa, on the team, so you can be expecting some fantabulous prizes this term. Apologies for those of you who missed out on the NME competition two weeks ago, but congrats to ED LANG, who rocked out at the event with his pal, courtesy of gair rhydd. Well done also to KAT HARMER, who won a copy of Dirty Love on DVD, and SHELLEY JONES, who’ll soon be receiving a Sony Ericsson K600i. Keep your eyes peeled for next week’s comps!

Funky Tees THOSE LOVELY people at DJTees.com and RightOnShirts.com have come up trumps again.

This week, they’re offering six fashion-conscious students at Cardiff another chance to get their hands on one of the coolest Tshirts in all the land, as featured on their funky websites.

DJ Tees have over 10,000 icons spanning over half a century of pop culture that you can choose to wear over your wooly vests or on your hairy chests.

From Basil Fawlty to George Best tees, the guys create unique Tshirts to satisfy fans of anyone and anything - whether you’re a movie geek or a rock chick.

Right-On Shirts also offer a

cheeky range of slogan tees that’ll make you chuckle.

All tees are available in eight colour combinations and in a range of fittings - including skinny tees for you ladies.

And if that’s not good enough, shipping and delivery is free, regardless of whether you live in Cathays or Catalonia.

If you fancy winning one of these sexy tees, simply log onto www.djtees.com or www.rightonshirts.com and pick out the design that suits you best.

Send your details along with your choice of t-shirt and size to the usual address, competitions@gairrhydd.com, and you could be a winner.

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Problem Page

Page 16

February 20 2006

problempage@gairrhydd.com

Amber Duval DISPENSER OF FILTH AND / OR LIFE ADVICE

Hello, girls, boys and in-betweeners!

Well, what with Valentine’s Day and all I have been almost too busy to answer your heart-felt calls for help. I say almost, however, but see - I did make time for you all, giving you the best advice since Denise Robertson died. She’s not dead? Oh, sorry, got confused with Barbara Cartland. She’s not dead either? No, she is, she’s the undead now, isn’t she? Anayway, my point is that I’m always here for you, dead, alive, coprophilic, work-shy, whatever. So do get in touch. Email: problempage@gairrhydd.com. I really do hope to hear from you soon. Maybe next week I’ll release my phone number. Only ten Valentine’s cards? It’s a sin.

Lots of love from Amber - here for you! xxx

Curly Wurly Dear Amber, I SIMPLY MUST tell you of the WORST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER that I have just experienced.

I have been seeing someone for the past two months, and things have been OK. When you’re a student it is quite difficult to have a proper relationship with someone because you’re always meeting new people. So I’ve been seeing this guy and we’d done all the usual stuff. It started out as a drunken one night sex thing but seemed to last.

But on Valentine’s Day he kept hinting that I should expect a massive surprise. As the day wore on, and nothing happened, I thought maybe he’d posted a card and it hadn’t arrived or something like that. I’d bought him a bottle of JD (his favourite), but I wasn’t expecting anything, Amber, I really wasn’t. I would have been happy with a card, or even him saying it. I mean, I didn’t like him that much so I wasn’t fussed.

So it got quite late and we were sitting in his house (all his housemates were out) getting pissed and watching TV when suddenly he got a hard-on and

announced that my present would be waiting for me in his room in ten minutes. With that, he ran upstairs, so I took that to mean that I had to wait ten minutes.

So I waited, and my mimsy began to moisten, and I started thinking of all the possibilities - fireman’s outfit, you know, and after ten minutes had gone I bounded up to his room.

There was a strange smell emanating from somewhere off the landing, but in my state of excitement hairy purse and pink 5p very much for the spending I hardly noticed. I opened the door to his room, and there he was, squatting over a hardcover book (I think it was Anne Robinson’s Memoirs of an Unfit Mother - I always wondered why he owned that), doing a big, curly poo and smiling. Smiling!

I have told him I don’t want to see him, but he insists it’s normal. I reckon he’s talking crap.

Yours, Loo, Roath.

AMBER SAYS: Dear Loo, Is his surname ‘whippy’?

Love Amber xxx

This Moaning!

Dear Amber, I AM REALLY depressed and I don’t know who to turn to. Recently, This Morning has been hosted by an array of impostors, and I don’t know what to do.

It was bad enough when that Lorrainne Kelly started doing Fridays with Phil. But I thought, well, at least Phil’s around to save the day. But then it got progressively worse.

First of all was that bint who is Eammon Holmes’ wife, who keeps appearing on it intermittently despite the fact she’s obviously never met Alison Hammond before, doesn’t know the first thing about making a chickpea risotto nor knows the pain of a smear test gone wrong, like good old Fern would. But then they started getting that man in who I’ve never seen before but I’m sure is a paedo.

And then, just to ice the under-baked and

too calorie-laden cake, they put Eammon and his wife on, together, over half-term!

Now, there’s nothing explicitly wrong with Eammon, apart from that he always fluffs the links and looks slightly sweaty.

But when the pair of them are together, it’s enough to make me sick into my mid-morning Go Ahead bar (only 3 calories per lick).

She goes on about how he shouldn’t be eyeing up the models, he laughs when Dr Chris shows a new implement for collecting wee if you need to give your doctor a sample.

For goodness’ sake! Amateurs, the pair of them.

I really want Fern and Phil to be back together like they should be, so that I have something to think about when I’m having sex. Is there anything you can do, Amber? I know how powerful you are.

With great hopes, Phern, Talybont.

AMBER SAYS: Dear Phern, Oh no! My contacts at ITV1 say it’s for the best, though. I hope this helps.

Love from Amber xxx

Award-Winning Television

February 20 2006

Page 17

tv@gairrhydd.com

This week’s Twins amonst the Other Danny Devito Films : Feb 20th - 26th 2006

Siamese Wet Dream

It’s A Double Money Shot, As BBC and C4 Unleash their Two Headed Beasts.

HOT

Dumb Japanese Films This week I sampled the delights of Takashi Miike’s double whammy of ridiculous fodder: Gozu and Happiness of the Katakuris, neither of which offer much in the way of plot, but plenty, if you dig boy-cows with big tongues, lactating innkeepers and zombie flesh.

Soaps Ian Beale. Unlucky. Looks like another of poor old Ian’s merry wives of Walkford is going to bite the dust. Or leave him, or try to kill him, or suffer an unfortunate skiing accident, or ‘fall’ down the stairs, this week. Kathy, who’s about as interesting as a wet sandwich, is going to come a cropper. And you thought that only happened to Haley in Corrie. Arf. Back in Weatherfield, Emily’s going bananas and talking to God, but he ain’t listening. David’s doing drugs, everyone else is getting pissed, nobody’s interested in goth sex anymore because that little boy Richard has come out and said “uhh I don’t really like playing a Goth they’re a bit weird”. Bite the hand that fucking fed you why don’t you, you fucking Dustin Hoffmanbating gash-faced mum-fucker!

N

o better way, as my Grandad used to say, to start an article about the BBC’s answer to Dancing on Ice, than with a Smashing Pumpkins-orientated pun.

“Pish” didn’t really sound good.

The rivalry of ludicrous metaconceptual BBC and ITV1 Saturday night nonsense-fest, also known as The Bore War, is really hotting up this week.

Raring it’s two-headed er, head, and gnashing it’s dopplegangrenous teeth is Just the Two of Us (BBC1 Saturday), ready to fight, with the power of DUETS! and melt the ice of the silly pansy-handling figureskate ponces on ITV. Already lined up is Beverly Knight (who else? She’d bathe her dog in nitroglycerine, stick a broom in its eye socket and lick it on Brighton Seafront if it meant someone bought one of her regimented chunders of sweet soul vomit) who will be performing with Nicky Campbell, Scottish presenter of Wheel of Fortune, and now Crimewatch. Don’t have nightmares indeed.

Other participants in this totally televisual twosome toss, is Martin Fry from ABC, whose Lexicon of Love album is TV John’s all time favourite 80s electro-pop moment. Martin Fry is frankly, well above this sort of demeaning b e h a v i o u r, and

Fudge Tunnel 15

BBC1 are milking this fact by making him duet with Gaby Roslin. Oh yes. Elsewhere, Natasha “Better make sure you use the phrase ‘Atomic Kitten’ otherwise nobody will know who I am” Hamilton, who will be singing with Mark Moragahan. Who? Research has discovered that “lovely” Mark has appeared in: Holby City, Heartbeat, Peak Practice, Boon, London’s Burning AND Dream Team. That’s not a full house on

crap drama bingo, if ever I saw one. Not wanting to be outdone by his co-star Bum-head, Chris Fountain aka The Fountain of Youth aka Justin From Hollyoaks aka Just in Time For a knobbing With Ali Bastian, who’ll be singing with Jo from S Club. If you’re not sure which one Jo was, she’s the one who needed to go on Ten Years Younger the day she turned 21.

The whole crap-o-rama is presented by Vernon Kay, and Tess Daley. Awww ain’t that sweet, they’re a real couple, and they’re presenting a program about duets. Excuse me while I kiss the secretary at the vomitorium. Vern and Tess, if there is a God, won’t be performing a duet. Athiests among you might want to hide behind the sofa.

To neatly cash in on BBC1’s twois-better-than-one-as-great-entertainment theme, Ch4 have shamefully jumped on the bandwagon with Body Shocks: Born With Two Heads (Ch4 9pm Monday), which should no doubt involve gratituously sickening images of conjoined twins trying to walk through doorways. If you had two heads, would you put a crash helmet on the one without the brain when you go motorcycling? Whatever, this “shock doc” will almost definitely be less revolting and shocking than the demformed freaks over at BBC centre.

DVDS TO RENT/BUY Jessica Alba in her pants. There, that’s Into The Blue’s basic presmise and selling summed up in five words.

Erstwhile, avert your square eyes to a little known film called Primer, which, along with the above fleshfest, is released on Monday 20th. It comes with a quote screaming “Donnie Darko for Adults!” which I’ve yet to garner any meaning from.

What they meant to say was Donnie Darko, only with a budget amalgamated from small change, no groovy funky hip teenage actors, and a plot so dense and thick you could stick a cock up it and call it Paris Hilton. The plot of Primer takes you down the much-covered territory of time travel.

Only with idiot nerds, who accidentally invent a time machine in their garage, and then travel backwards and forwards several zillion times,

each time fucking things in a variety of humorous, puzzling and downright inconvenient ways.

Genius.

Apparently by the end you’re left with a head full of unravelled wool, and a japing mouth screaming obscenities at the screen. Once again, genius.

TV John will be screening Primer at his house on Monday. Be There!

NOT

Half Term I hate showing my age here, but when your life no longer exists in periods of school terms, you come to dread half term. This is the time when all the little people are let loose on the streets again. Then they all come in my shop and try and steal South Park box sets on Friday as well as the weekend!

Film English Lit students check out Arthur Miller’s awesome The Crucible (Mon 1.20am Ch4) Thickos check out American Pie 2 (Wed 9pm ITV1), geeks check out Soylent Green (Fri BBC2 12.15am), though that’s actually quite good. Sentimental blubbering twats, check out Stepmom (Friday 10pm E4). Sorted.

Sport Varsity? What? A little bird (Xpress Radio, who happen to be covering it) has sent us an email telling us that Varsity is this Wednesday at 7.30pm. I think “Varsity” is that rugby game everyone gets pissed at and nobody (except Sports Desk, who have to write a hundred pages about it) remembers what happened.

Radio On the subject of XPRESS RADIO’S COVERAGE OF VARSITY I’ve just been informed by another little bird that Xpress isn’t currently on air at the moment.

Panic not! You can either listen to it at www.xpressradio.co.uk and you can check out and downsize some streaming commentary.

Whoah Nelly. Or, if you happen to be in Swansea that day but not watching the game, you can listen to the exclusive coverage on Swansea’s local station. Enough jokes, Xpress’s coverage is actually damn good, and worth investing an hour of your time if you dig studenty and egg-chasing fun. I’m here to be ignorant, so you don’t have to be. Don’t go through Varsity in silence.

Monday

Page 18

February 20 - 26 2006

badgemakingkitfund@tvjane.com

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

19.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 20.00 Get Your Dream Job 20.30 Trauma 21.00 The Ferocious Mr Fix It 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Little Britain 23.00 Tittybangbang 23.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.00 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 24.30 The Ferocious Mr Fix It 01.25 Tittybangbang 01.55 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 02.25 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 02.55 Wedding Stories Well I hope you all had a very lovely Valentine’s day dear readers! I got real excited because I bought my boyfriend tickets to see Richard Ashcroft (there were just nine tickets left) and I thought it’d be a great surprise and that he’d be over the moon… but no. He figured it out because there were loads of searches for Ashcroft tickets on the internet history on my ‘pooter. I suck. I am so crap at surprises and I try so hard… boo hoo, poor me. But I got the biggest bunch of lilies and roses ever, lucky me! 03.55 Close

In your Face

C4 12.30pm

6:00am: Close 7:00 CBeebies: Ha Ha Time: Cbeebies Birthdays: Teletubbies 7:30 Fireman Sam 7:40 Brum 7:50 Brum 8:00 Balamory 8:20 Pingu. Pingu Finishes the Job 8:25 CBBC: Newsround 8:30 ChuckleVision 8:45 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:00 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:15 CBBC Playlist Well you’ll be glad to hear that TV Jane partook in some good healthy creative activity this week. Yes, I made chocolate Rice Crispy nests with Mini-Eggs on top and made little play dough chickens and made hand prints with paint on a big piece of paper. No, not with my little cousins or even during some volunteer work, this was with my pals. As you may have guessed, we were bored. 10:30 Viewers Vote 11:00 Top Cat. Dibble's Double 11:30 Winter Olympics 2006 1:00pm: The Munsters 1:25 FA Cup Sixth-Round Draw 1:30 Working Lunch 2:00 Winter Olympics 2006 4:00 Sun, Sea and Bargain Spotting 5:00 Ready Steady Cook 5:30 Winter Olympics 2006 7:00 Top of the Pops 7:30 Masterchef Goes Large 8:00 Winter Olympics 2006 10:30 Newsnight 11:20 The Mighty Boosh 11:50 Kath and Kim 12:15am: Joins BBC News 24. 1:00 BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel: Suenos - World Spanish.

Has anyone else become sadly addicted to this Deal or No Deal thing? It would be fine to love it if it weren’t for Noel Edmonds’s irritating face and fake concern for the players: "Oh Keith, I am sooo sorry. This has been the unluckiest game ever." Yeah whatever Noel, like you give a shit, you’re doing alright for yourself with your nice car and big house...

6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show When I Grow Up I'll Be a Drug Dealer sounds like a plan, if you can’t beat them join them I say. 10:30 This Morning 12:00 This Morning: Dancing on Ice Special 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show My Son Tried to Kill Me! Better luck next time eh matey? 2:35 Agatha Christie's Poirot Peril at End House 3:35 Pocoyo Fussy Duck 3:40 Uncle Max Plays Golf 3:50 The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers Jungle of Ruin! 4:00 Atomic Betty Power Arrangers 4:15 Bernard The Worm Turns 4:25 Feel the Fear Steve v Heights 5:00 You've Been Framed! 5:30 Dancing on Ice: Extra 6:00 Wales Tonight 6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 7:30 Coronation Street 8:00 Wales This Week 8:30 Coronation Street 9:00 Northern Lights 10:00 Help Your Self 10:30 ITV News 11:00 Supernatural Bloody Mary 0:00 Champions League Weekly 0:25 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 1:00 Quizmania 2:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:30 Mum's on Strike 4:05 Have I Been Here Before? 4:35 House Price Challenge 5:00 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV Early Morning News ....how can you send someone home with 10p you heartless scoundrel? but on the other other hand I do love this show and I do find myself becoming increasingly emotionally involved with the participants. The other week there was a chappy who wanted to win money for his grandaughter and he ended up going home with 20 quid... I cried.

6:00 Cubeez: Three By Three 6:10 The Hoobs: Potatoes 6:35 The Hoobs: Mice 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends: The One In Vegas 8:00 Just Shoot Me: Finch In The Dogg House 8:25 Will & Grace: Lows In The Mid-Eighties 8:50 Frasier: Party, Party 9:20 Water Stories 9:30 Going Cold Turkey 10:20 Giving Up The Weed 11:10 The Kntv Show 11:35 Dealing With Drugs: Crime Prevention 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 In Your Face: Royal And Other Portraits By Sergei Pavlenko 12:55 Er: The Greater Good 1:45 How To Marry A Millionaire 3:30 Countdown 4:15 Deal Or No Deal 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons: Last Exit To Springfield 6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder: Deutsche Borse Photography Prize 2006 8:00 Dispatches: Spinning Terror 9:00 Bodyshock: Born With Two Heads look up siamese twins on Google, you’d be amazed.

10:00 Er: The Human Shield 11:05 Going Cold Turkey 11:50 No Angels 12:55 Carling New Kings 1:20 The Crucible 3:25 Coming Up: Cuckoos 3:50 Chicken Wire 4:00 Maths Mansion 2: Take It Easy 4:10 Maths Mansion 2: Nine Nits Is All There's Room For 4:20 Maths Mansion 2: Breaking Up Is Easy To Do 4:30 Maths Mansion 2: You Ain't Nothing But A Houndred 4:40 Maths Mansion 2: Dividing We Stand 4:50 Maths Mansion 2: Double Digit Dating 5:00 Tackling Technology: Robots 5:15 Tackling Technology: Yoghurt 5:30 Ancient Egypt 5:45 King Jamie And The Angel 6:00 Close

19.00 Reports from the Front Line of Global Warming 19.05 The Planets Revisited 19.55 Reports from the Front Line of Global Warming 20.00 The World 20.30 The Boston Tea Party: Days That Shook the World OK, time for some random facts: The ashes of the average cremated person weigh nine pounds, 99% of people cannot lick their elbow (did you try it? I did and no I could not), all polar bears are left-handed (how the fuck did they work that one out?), more than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged in a typical french kiss (happy Valentine’s Day everybody!) please blame hookedonfacts.com for these stupid facts. 21.00 Meltdown - Global Warming Journey 22.00 El Nino 23.00 Five Miles High 24.00 Meltdown - a Global Warming Journey 01.00 El Nino 02.00 In Search of Speed 03.00 Meltdown - a Global Warming Journey I think perhaps here BBC4 is trying to warn you about global warming, perhaps. Tell the super-sized fume-emitting americans while you’re at it.

6:00 GMTV2 9:25 Coronation Street 9:55 Emmerdale 10:25 Emmerdale 10:55 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:40 Judge Judy 12:30 The Springer Show 1:30 Coronation Street 2:00 Emmerdale 2:30 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 The Montel Williams Show 4:40 The Oprah Winfrey Show 5:35 Judge Judy 6:50 Movies Now 7:00 3rd Rock from the Sun: There's No Business Like Dick Business well they say there can be a lot of money in it, sounds like a lot of hard work to me though. 7:30 Spin City Same Time, Next Year 8:00 Coronation Street Secrets: Barmaids 8:30 Airline USA You Can't Take It with You 9:00 Honeymoons from Hell 10:00 FILM: Highlander 0:15 Coronation Street 0:45 Coronation Street 1:15 Play Sudoku I am so obsessed with this game that I’ve tsken to going on the Guardian website and printing off their past games. Do you think that’s sad? 4:00 Teleshopping Shopping from home ITV2 TV Grace here, filling space. Yeah.

6:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 9:00 Wake Up With....Simon Webbe 10:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 Whatever... You Want 1:00 Higher Or Lower 2:00 Hijacked By... Gene Simmons 3:00 One Tree Hill: Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking 4:00 The Simple Life: Interns 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One With The Boobies 5:30 Friends: The One With The Candy Hearts 6:05 Desperate Housewives: The Ladies Who Lunch 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Friends: The One With The Boobies 8:00 Celebrity Big Brother 9:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Splinter 10:00 Stepmom 12:25 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Splinter 1:15 Queer As Folk: Opportunity Shocks 2:15 Desperate Housewives: The Ladies Who Lunch 3:10 Queer As Folk: Opportunity Shocks 3:55 One Tree Hill: Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking 4:35 Switched 4:55 Fool Around...With My Girlfriend

06.00 Old Bear Stories 06.10 Monkey Makes 06.15 Rolie Polie Olie 06.45 Hi-5 07.15 Make Way for Noddy 07.30 Say It with Noddy 07.35 Make Way for Noddy 07.50 Say It with Noddy 07.55 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.10 Peppa Pig 08.15 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.35 Elmo's World 08.50 Franny's Feet 09.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.40 Film: "Sex, Love and Cold Hard Cash" 15.30 Film: "Columbo: Forgotten Lady" OK, let’s start a debate, what’s better, Murder She Wrote or Quincy? I’m reckoning Murder She Wrote wins every time.

17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Two and a Half Men 19.00 five news 19.15 The Gadget Show 20.00 Megastructures 21.00 Aircrash Investigations 22.00 Prison Break 23.00 The Most Bizarre Ads in the World One of my favourites at the moment has got to be Bonnie Tyler washing her dishes and singing I Need A Hero in support of Wales with this awesome grin on her face. Love it.

24.00 Dark Angel 24.55 World's Strongest Man 01.35 Motor Racing: NASCAR NEXTEL Cup 02.25 USPGA Golf 03.15 ITU World Cup Triathlon: Beijing 04.10 Sunshine Tour Golf 05.00 NBA Action 05.25 Football Argentina It would appear that both TV John and TV Gareth have badge making kits. I am extremely jealous and upset that no one has ever bought me one as I think i could make a great contribution to the world of badge making... donations for TV Jane’s badge making kit are

PRIMETIME

6:00am: Breakfast 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Downsize Me 11:30 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours With Stefan Dennis, Jackie Woodburne, Andrew Clarke, Daniel O'Connor. A secret revealed nearly destroys Susan and Alex's relationship The end of living with fear has a profound effect on Paul. Ned is forced to face his dislike of confrontation 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Monk 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Wink 3:45 Krypto the Superdog 4:00 The Fairly Odd Parents 4:15 Jonny's Hotshots 4:30 The Basil Brush Show 5:00 Blue Peter Well this week it was the two Blue Peter doggies’ birthdays and they made them a cake made out of doggy food and the girl presenter made them some dog treats that looked like shit and it was cute. 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours 6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Holiday 2006 7:30 Inside Out 8:00 EastEnders 8:30 On the Fiddle?

9:00 Life on Mars Isn’t this a film too? I have to watch a screening of the film this week, I hope it’s not poo.

10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 The Bigger Picture with Graham Norton 11:05 Film 2006 with Jonathan Ross 11:35 FILM: Cabaret 1:40am: Sign Zone: Life on Mars 2:40 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 3:30 Sign Zone: Uncharted Territory 4:30 Joins BBC News 24.

Columbo: Forgotten Lady five 3.30pm

PRIMETIME

C4 9.00pm

PRIMETIME

Born with Two Heads

BBC1 4.00pm

PRIMETIME

029 20229977

The Fairly odd Parents

PRIMETIME

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

07:00 Planed Plant Bach 07:00 Y Brodyr Coala 07:15 Gel A Ffion 07:30 Rala Rwdins 07:45 Triongl 08:00 Planed Plant 08:00 Ftpd 08:25 Waaa!

08:40 Tifi, Al A Rhods 09:00 Just Shoot Me 09:25 Will And Grace 09:55 Film: Courage Mountain (1989) 11:45 Grudge Match 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Planed Plant Bach 12:30 Y Brodyr Coala 12:45 Gel A Ffion 13:00 Rala Rwdins 13:15 3 Minute Wonder : Tales Of The Creepy Crooked: The Selky Woman 13:20 It's Me Or The Dog 13:55 You Are What You Eat 14:25 Deal Or No Deal 15:15 Countdown 16:00 Planed Plant 16:00 Ceidwad Y Ddraig 16:25 Rygbi 100% 16:50 Ffeil 17:00 Richard & Judy 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Rownd A Rownd 19:00 Wedi 7 19:30 Newyddion 20:00 Pobol Y Cwm 20:25 Ffermio 21:00 Cefn Gwlad 21:30 Sgorio 22:35 Y Clwb Rygbi 23:05 Bodyshock: Born With Two Heads 00:05 Invasion: The Fish Story 00:55 Dispatches: Spinning Terror 01:50 Going Cold Turkey 02:30 Truman Capote Answered

Tuesday

February 20 - 26 2006

Page 19

tvgraceillbutstillhere@dedication.com

ITV1 3.35pm

19.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 20.00 Get Your Dream Job 20.30 Trauma 21.00 Little Britain 21.30 Tittybangbang 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 23.00 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 23.30 May Contain Nuts I once ordered a slice of chocolate brownie for myself and my friend to share, temporarliy forgetting that she was allergic to nuts. I remembered once she complained of being unable to breathe and her lips began to resemble Pete Burns’s. I told her to stop making a scene Anaphylactic Shock can be sooo embarassing.

24.00 Nighty Night 24.30 Twisted Tales 01.00 Wedding Stories 01.55 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 02.25 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 02.55 Nighty Night 03.25 Twisted Tales 03.55 Close

PRIMETIME

6:00am: Close 7:00 CBeebies: Ha Ha Time: Cbeebies Birthdays: Teletubbies 7:30 Fireman Sam 7:40 Brum 7:50 Brum 8:00 Balamory 8:20 Pingu 8:25 CBBC: Newsround 8:30 ChuckleVision 8:45 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:00 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:15 CBBC Playlist 10:30 Viewers Vote 11:00 FILM: Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella 12:30pm: Working Lunch 1:00 Trade Secrets 1:10 FILM: The Lost World 2:45 Uncharted Territory 3:15 Sun, Sea and Bargain Spotting 4:15 Ready Steady Cook 5:00 Winter Olympics 2006 7:00 The Good Life 7:30 Masterchef Goes Large 8:00 Bill Oddie's How to Watch Wildlife 8:30 Hairy Bikers' Cookbook 9:00 Winter Olympics 2006 10:30 Newsnight 11:20 Holidays in the Danger Zone: Rivers 11:50 Holidays in the Danger Zone: Rivers 12:20am: Joins BBC News 24. 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: ReviseWise at Home: English 4:00 Revisewise Challenge at Home: English After spending the last few hours concentrating on not being sick, it’s time to use TV Gareth’s tried and tested Wikipedia method. Tonight I’m going to tell you about... GCSEs. Woo. Here goes: The General Certificate of Secondary Education (GCSE) (in Welsh: Tystysgrif Gyffredin Addysg Uwchradd (TGAU)) is the name of a set of British examinations, usually taken by secondary school students at age 14–16 in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. So now you know.

19.00 Reports from the Front Line of Global Warming 19.05 Flooded Britain Dramatic journo-speak for ‘a few puddles’.

The wimps.

19.55 Reports from the Front Line of Global Warming 20.00 The World 20.30 Take One Museum 21.00 Art from the Arctic If it was art by the Arctic Monkeys, everyone would love it and it’d probably win best breakthough art at the, erm, Art Awards.

Tossers.

22.00 Climate Conspiracy or Global Catastrophe? Definitely a conspiracy. Did you know that Princess Diana was murdered as well?* 22.30 Before the Flood: Tuvalu 23.30 Take One Museum Ok, I’ll take the Guggenheim. Or maybe the Tate. Or possibly the British Museum. I like mummies, so I’ll go for that one. Yes. Indeed.

24.00 Climate Conspiracy or Global Catastrophe?

24.30 Art from the Arctic 01.30 Flooded Britain 02.20 Take One Museum 02.50 Art from the Arctic 03.50 Close *Probably.

The Cutting Club

Ch4 10am

6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show What Happened Next? 10:30 This Morning 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show Mum, I Never Tried to Steal Your Husband! 2:35 Agatha Christie's Poirot The Veiled Lady 3:35 Pocoyo Whale's Birthday In actual fact, whales only celebrate their birthdays once every five years as they feel it is a more special event that way. Celebrations include overdosing on plankton and eating people with the name Geppetto, Pinochio, Jonah or Captain Ahab. 3:40 Uncle Max Buys Some Shoes 3:50 The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers Waves of Turmoil!

4:05 Prove It 4:25 My Parents are Aliens 5:00 You've Been Framed! When are they ever going to run out of footage from the early ‘90s? Why are the videos always American? The mind boggles.

5:30 Dancing on Ice: Extra 6:00 Wales Tonight Gales, gales and more gales. Not even a rather cool gillet could save TV John from the elements when he nipped outside for a cigarette and nearly got blown away.

6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale Believe me, farming really isn’t as eventful as this. My best friend used to live on a farm which smelled of rotten peas. She had 15 cats, one of which attacked me and clawed a large chunk from my neck.

7:30 Champions League Live Real Madrid v Arsenal 9:45 All New TV's Naughtiest Blunders 10:30 ITV News 11:00 Champions League Highlights 0:05 Quizmania 5:00 ITV Nightscreen

6:00 GMTV2 9:25 Coronation Street 9:55 Emmerdale 10:25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10 Judge Judy 12:30 The Springer Show 1:30 Airline 2:00 Coronation Street 2:30 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 The Montel Williams Show 4:40 The Oprah Winfrey Show 5:35 Judge Judy 6:50 Ask a Silly Question If a seagull flew over the bay, would it be called a bagel? If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is that racism? What is another word for thesaurus? If Teflon is supposed to be nonstick, how do they get it to stay attached to the pan? Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it? I also just asked Menon what the capital of Paris was.

7:00 3rd Rock from the Sun 7:30 Spin City 8:00 Surface 9:00 FILM: Coming to America 11:15 Harry Hill's TV Burp 11:45 FILM: Coming to America 1:55 Dare 4:00 Teleshopping

6:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 9:00 Wake Up With... 10:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 Whatever... You Want 1:00 Higher Or Lower 2:00 Hijacked By... 3:00 One Tree Hill. 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One With The Stoned Guy 5:30 Friends: The One With Two Parts 6:05 Desperate Housewives: There Won't Be Trumpets 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Friends 8:00 Celebrity Big Brother 9:00 The O.C.: The Anger Management 10:00 Beauty And The Geek 11:00 Supernanny 12:05 The O.C.: The Anger Management 1:00 Beauty And The Geek 2:00 No Angels 3:00 No Angels 4:00 Supernanny 5:00 Fool Around... With My Boyfriend 5:25 Fool Around... With My Boyfriend If I had a boyfriend, which I quite clearly haven’t, the last place I’d want them to be would be some luxury flat with a load of extremely attractive slags, hellbent on seducing said boyfriend.

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6:00am: Breakfast So. Here we go again. I deleted all of last night’s television just before I went to bed. Let’s just say that I was a tad narked off. 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Downsize Me 11:30 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Monk 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Wink 3:45 Krypto the Superdog 4:00 The Fairly Odd Parents My fairly odd parents are visting me this weekend - what joy! Where shall I take them? Hmm, maybe the castle. On a seperate but related point, people who call their parents ‘’rents’ or ‘parental units’ are morons. Fact. 4:15 Jonny's Hotshots 4:30 The Basil Brush Show 5:00 Kerching! 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours Paul cuts a deal to win the boys' freedom. Stingray learns a survival skill - never bending down in the showers.

Steph is troubled by dreams of Drew. Karl announces that he can no longer be friends with Susan. Lyn vows to face life with new energy in Joe's absence.

6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Watchdog 7:30 EastEnders 8:00 Holby City 9:00 Surviving Disaster 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 I Didn't Divorce My Kids 11:35 Medium 12:20am: FILM: The Right Temptation 1:50 Sign Zone: Switch 2:20 Sign Zone: Pay Off Your Mortgage in Two Years

CSI: Crime Scene Invesitagtion five 9pm

6:00 Cubeez 6:10 The Hoobs 6:35 The Hoobs 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends 7:55 Just Shoot Me 8:25 Will & Grace 8:50 Frasier 9:20 Water Stories 9:30 Going Cold Turkey 9:55 Quit: A Hole In My Neck 10:00 The Cutting Club 10:50 Quit: Family Habit 10:55 Hardeep Does Drinking 11:20 Quit: Greg's Story 11:25 Teens On Trial: Kirsty Shoplifting 11:55 Quit: Breath Of Fresh Air 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 The Ritz: Checking Into History 12:50 Er: Death And Taxes 1:40 FILM: Titanic Not the Leo/Kate one. This one’s black and white but the ship still sinks at the end. Oh, have I ruined it for you? 3:30 Countdown 4:15 Deal Or No Deal 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons So It Has Come To This: The Simpsons Clip Show 6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder: Deutsche Borse Photography Prize 2006 8:00 You Are What You Eat 8:30 It's Me Or The Dog 9:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares 10:00 Shameless 11:05 Going Cold Turkey Recipes of delicious meals created from leftover Christmas turkey. Apparently it’s okay to eat as long as you’ve kept it refrigerated. Don’t quote me on that. 11:50 No Angels 12:50 Carling New Kings 1:15 E=Mc2 3:15 Countdown 4:00 Geography Junction: Extreme Weather - Wet 4:15 Extreme Weather: Cold 4:30 Extreme Weather: Dry 4:45 Extreme Weather: Wind 5:00 Extreme Weather: Hot 5.10: Exteme Weather: A Bit of Mist.5:15 Say What You Think: Fairness 5:30 The Time Of My Life - East End Of London

06.00 Old Bear Stories 06.10 Monkey Makes 06.15 Rolie Polie Olie 06.45 Hi-5 07.15 Make Way for Noddy Here’s a fact for you: In France, Noddy is known as “Oui Oui”.

You don’t have to be French to know that this means “yes yes” in English. 07.30 Say It with Noddy 07.35 Make Way for Noddy 07.50 Say It with Noddy 07.55 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.10 Peppa Pig 08.15 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.30 Elmo's World 08.50 Franny's Feet 09.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.40 FILM: I Love You, I Love You Not 15.30 FILM: Plainsong Unfortunately NOT a film about the popular band the Cure, instead it’s either a 1982 film which doesn’t even have a plot listing on imdb.com or a made-for-tv Hallmark movie.

Who knows? Who cares?

17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Two and a Half Men 19.00 five news 19.15 Absolute Rubbish with Jonathan Miller Something that admits to being rubbish on five?

20.00 Selling Yourself 21.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation TV John is making himself a badge with the guy from CSI on it. Look out for him. John that is, not the guy from CSI. 22.00 CSI: Miami 23.00 Prison Break Aka: “People With Ridiculously Large Tattoos.”

24.00 Dark Angel 24.55 NBA Basketball 03.30 Football Argentina Highlights 03.55 Portuguese Football 05.35 Motorsport Mundial

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09:00 Just Shoot Me 09:25 Will And Grace 09:50 Frasier 10:15 FILM: How To Marry A Millionaire (1953) Starring Betty Grable, Lauren Bacall and Marylin Munroe. 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Planed Plant Bach 12:30 Y Brodyr Coala 12:45 Tomos A'i Ffrindiau 12:50 Sali Mali 13:00 Pei Pwmpen 13:15 Celebrity Life Skills 13:20 Grudge Match 13:30 Supernanny 14:25 Deal Or No Deal 15:15 Countdown 16:00 Planed Plant 16:00 Mona Y Fampire 16:15 Wap! 16:30 Campyfan I’m trying to work out what on earth this programme could possibly entail. Fans of camping discuss their love of trangiers? Camp fans of Madonna discuss her latest album? 16:50 Ffeil 17:00 Richard & Judy 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Rygbi 100% 19:00 Wedi 7 19:30 Newyddion 20:00 Pobol Y Cwm 20:25 Y Byd Ar Bedwar 21:00 O'r Galon 21:30 Treflan 22:30 Er 23:30 Shameless 00:30 Brat Camp 01:30 Going Cold Turkey 02:10 Dubplate Drama 03:35 Diwedd/Close

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Wednesday

Page 20

February 20 - 26 2006

armstrong@armstrong.com

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19.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 20.00 Get Your Dream Job 20.30 Trauma 21.00 Trauma Uncut 21.30 Desperate Midwives 22.00 The Apprentice: You're Fired 22.30 Film: "Waterworld" What is it with BBC and global warming scaremongering this evening. It’s all rubbish anyway, the main premise of the film, that the polar ice caps melted and covered nearly all of the Earth's surface area with water, is impossible. It is generally accepted that if all water on the planet were in a liquid state, sea level would not rise by more than 61 metres (about 200 feet), drowning coastal areas but sparing most of the world's landmass. So tucked up here in gair rhydd towers, amongst the clouds, I am fine fanxalot. 24.35 My Childhood 01.35 The Last Laugh 02.30 Desperate Midwives 03.00 A Dirty Weekend in Hospital: Mischief This programme title set to revolutionise Stag Weekends and cause Amsterdam’s economy to crash I assume. 04.00 Close

19.00 Reports from the Front Line of Global Warming Where is the front line of global warming? Is it standing on the sun?

Is it somewhere in the clouds, perched on the edge of the OZone layer? Is it on the very edge of a glacier in the arctic? I don’t know, and I suspect the answer isn’t going to be as exciting as any of those possibilities.

BBC Four, the cock-teasing whore of digital television.

19.05 Horizon: Global Dimming Could this be the solution to Global Warming? A dimmer switch for the sun? I think probably not. There are logistics we must consider.

19.55 Reports from the Front Line of Global Warming There seem to be a lot of updates. Is something meant to happen?

Have BBC Four not informed us?

Be ascared, be very ascared.

20.00 The World 20.30 The House of Chanel 21.00 Lefties 22.00 Our Friends in the North 23.10 Our Friends in the North 24.25 Lefties 01.25 Rude Britannia 02.05 Kenneth Tynan: In Praise of Hardcore 03.20 Tynan: Critical Condition

6:00 GMTV2 9:25 Coronation Street 9:55 Emmerdale 10:25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10 Judge Judy 12:30 The Springer Show Spaniel? Onion? I’m jesting you, it is of course the JERRY Springer show. Though the British version of his show is like a bad cover version. Like an own brand box of corn flakes. Or a later Tom and Jerry, when the two of them could talk. The Rolling Stones since the ‘80s.

Planet of the Apes on TV. Get the reference there? No? Go away.

1:30 Airline 2:00 Coronation Street 2:30 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 The Montel Williams Show 4:40 The Oprah Winfrey Show 5:35 Judge Judy 6:50 Movies Now 7:00 3rd Rock from the Sun Dick's Ark 7:30 Spin City. Gentleman's Agreement 8:00 Australian Princess 9:00 Haunted Homes Grow up fucknuts, there’s no such thing as ghosts. 9:45 Movies Now ‘FILMS’ DAMNITT!!

10:00 Coronation Street 10:30 FILM: Red Rock West 0:25 The Ricki Lake Show 1:15 Dare 4:00 Teleshopping

BBC2 10pm

6:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 9:00 Wake Up With... 10:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 Whatever... You Want 1:00 Higher Or Lower 2:00 Hijacked By... 3:00 One Tree Hill: The Lonesome Road 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One With Two Parts 5:30 Friends: The One With All The Poker 6:05 Desperate Housewives: Children Will Listen 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Friends: The One With Two Parts 8:00 Celebrity Big Brother 9:00 Invasion: The Dredge 10:00 Brat Camp Unseen 10:30 Chantelle: Living The Dream 11:00 Desperate Housewives: Colour And Light 12:00 Hollyoaks Let Loose 1:05 Brat Camp Unseen 1:35 Chantelle: Living The Dream 2:05 Desperate Housewives: Children Will Listen 3:00 Switched 3:20 Switched 3:40 The Next Joe Millionaire 4:30 Switched 4:50 Fool Around...

With My Mum 5:15 Fool Around... With My Mum

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06.00 Old Bear Stories 06.10 Monkey Makes 06.15 Rolie Polie Olie 06.45 Hi-5 07.15 Make Way for Noddy 07.30 Say It With Noddy 07.35 Make Way for Noddy 07.50 Say It With Noddy 07.55 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.10 Peppa Pig 08.15 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.35 Elmo's World 08.50 Franny's Feet 09.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.40 Film: "Emergency" 15.35 five news update 15.40 Film: "Loving Evangeline" 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Two and a Half Men 19.00 five news 19.15 Movie Lounge Or, ‘Film Lounge’ as I like to call it.

20.00 MacIntyre's Big Sting 21.00 Film: "The Rookie" 23.25 The Sex Tapes that Shocked the World I would question this. There’s probably some Abi Titmuss in this, and quite frankly I find it hard to imagine people in the darkest recesses of Peru wandering around saying “Oh, that Abi Titmuss sex tape, certainly shocked me”. They’re probably more worried about getting Paddington Bear back.

24.25 Poker Wednesday: Partypoker.com Poker... but not without asking first or she might go to the police.

Snarf.

01.55 Football - Match Against Poverty - Ronaldo XI v Zidane XI Bad news poverty fans. It all ends here tonight. 02.45 International Football I don’t trust this, it’s too vague. 04.15 Football Argentina 05.30 FIM World Motocross Grand Prix Review of the Year

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6:00 Cubeez: Party Time 6:10 The Hoobs: Angry 6:35 The Hoobs: Holidays 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends: The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel 7:55 Just Shoot Me: The Two Faces Of Finch 8:20 Will & Grace: Coffee & Commitment 8:50 Frasier: Good Grief 9:20 Water Stories 9:30 Going Cold Turkey 9:55 Quit: Dog End 10:00 The Thin Club 10:50 Quit: Breath Of Fresh Air 10:55 Rude Britannia: Maria 11:25 Teens On Trial: Kay Fighting If only this was Vernon Kay on trial. I would wish death upon him, with his cunty hair and ‘watch me pretend to be Bruce Forsyth ALL THE FUCKING TIME” shtick. He was on that Davina program last week.

Which was an abomination in itself, but coupled with his presence it became the sort of material that if i was dying i would want to watch over and over to convince myself that leaving this world was a good thing. 11:55 Quit: A Hole In My Neck 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Cheers: Look Before You Sleep 1:00 Grudge Match 1:10 ER: Freefall 2:00 Sea Wife 3:30 Countdown 4:15 Deal Or No Deal 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons: The Front 6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder: Deutsche Borse Photography Prize 2006 8:00 Relocation, Relocation 9:00 Brat Camp 10:00 Desperate Housewives: I Wish I Could Forget You 11:05 Going Cold Turkey 11:50 No Angels 12:55 Carling New Kings 1:25 Le Bossu 3:35 In The Time Of Angels 3:55 The Medici: Godfathers Of The Renaissance 4:55 Truel 5:10 Countdown 5:55 Close

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6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show A Forty Year Feud But Are We Even Sisters?

10:30 This Morning 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show My Child's Missing 2:35 Agatha Christie's Poirot The Lost Mine 3:35 Pocoyo Elly's Big Chase 3:40 Uncle Max Walks the Dog 3:50 The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers Kilts of Uproar! 4:05 Art Attack Buchanan is probably liable to genuinely attack at the moment I’d imagine, as he must be HELLA pissed off that Finders Keepers is now presented by Jeff Brazier. If I was a parent I would mos’ def’ prefer my kids to be hanging around with a clean shaven Mr Buchanan, than the smoking, Jade Goody poking, erection waving, professional reality TV star Brazier. I personally hoped Buchy would have walked out on CITV after being shunned for the ‘Keepers job, so I hope for his dignity’s sake, these are repeats... and I hope it’s the episode where he makes the Snake pencil holder, ‘cause i never did finish mine. The tape ran out. 4:25 My Parents are Aliens. When Swaps Go Bad Like when I swapped 16 stickers for a Southampton badge shiny, then got it in my next packet.

Gutted. 5:00 You've Been Framed! 5:30 Dancing on Ice: Extra “Hey, while you’re stealing my TV, why not take the DVD player too?”

6:00 Wales Tonight 6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 7:30 Coronation Street 8:00 The Bill 9:00 FILM: American Pie 2 10:30 ITV News 11:00 FILM: American Pie 2 11:35 Never to be Forgotten 0:05 Quizmania 5:00 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV News

The Armstrongs

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6:00am: Close 7:00 CBeebies: Ha Ha Time: Cbeebies Birthdays: Teletubbies 7:30 Little Red Tractor 7:40 Brum 7:50 Brum 8:00 Balamory 8:20 Pingu.

Pingu and the Knitting Machine.

8:25 CBBC: Newsround 8:30 Chucklevision 8:45 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:00 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:15 CBBC Playlist 10:30 Viewers Vote 11:00 Journeys to the Bottom of the Sea 11:35 FILM: The Last Flight of Noah's Ark When Noah Dugan agrees to fly missionary Bernadette Lafleur and her cargo of animals to a remote island, its only because he is on the run from a couple of bookies. What neither of them know is that two of Miss Lafleur's young students have stowed away with the animals & Miss Lafleur's transistor radio has interfered with the plane's instruments and they're all now miles off course. After a forced landing on a remote island, Dugan, Bernadette, Bobby and Julie discover that they are not alone. Together with two Japanese soldiers who have been stranded on the island since WWII, they must turn the plane into a seaworthy boat if they are ever to make it home. 1:10pm: Trade Secrets. Professionals share the tricks of their trade 1:20 Lifeline 1:30 Working Lunch 2:00 Winter Olympics 2006 4:00 Winter Olympics 2006 5:15 Masterchef Goes Large 5:45 Winter Olympics 2006 7:00 A Seaside Parish 7:30 Winter Olympics 2006 9:00 The Apprentice 10:00 The Armstrongs 10:30 Newsnight 11:20 Winter Olympics 2006 12:00am: The Apprentice: You're Fired 12:30 Joins BBC News 24. 2:00 BBC Learning Zone 4:00 English. Chaucer in Middle English

BBC2 10pm

PRIMETIME

6:00am: Breakfast 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Downsize Me 11:30 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours Dylan inadvertently blows his only chance at freedom (except not, because he’s out within a month), Harold's repressed grief makes him lash out at Lou (he’ll throttle Paul soon, just wait), Sky questions if she's strong enough to waste her life on a doomed love (like I said love, don’t worry about it, he’ll be out soon), Janelle and Kim enjoy making up for lost time (bleeeeuuuurgh. That means sex kids. ‘Fraid so). 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Monk 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Wink 3:45 Krypto the Superdog 4:00 The Fairly Odd Parents 4:15 Jonny's Hotshots 4:30 The Basil Brush Show 5:00 Blue Peter 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours 6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Disaster Masters 7:30 Child of Our Time: the Children's Stories 8:00 Davina 9:00 Crimewatch UK 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 The National Lottery: Midweek Draws 10:40 Crimewatch UK Update 10:50 One Foot in the Grave 11:20 Stephen Poliakoff: A Brief History of Now 12:00am: FILM: The Hawk 1:30 Sign Zone: Life in the Undergrowth 2:30 Sign Zone: Seaside Rescue 3:00 Sign Zone: Uncharted Territory 4:00 Joins BBC News 24

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09:55 FILM: TITANIC 11:45 GRUDGE MATCH 12:00 NEWS AT NOON 12:30 PLANED PLANT BACH 12:30 Y BRODYR COALA 12:45 ANTURIAETHAU SMOT Y CI 12:50 YOKO! JAKAMOKO! TOTO! 13:00 RHACSYN A'R GOEDEN HUD 13:15 3 MINUTE WONDER: TALES OF THE CREEPY CROOKED: The Nyuggle 13:20 TIME TEAM: Rubble at the Mill 14:25 DEAL OR NO DEAL 15:15 COUNTDOWN 16:00 PLANED PLANT 16:00 CODE LYOKO 16:25 STWFFIO 16:50 FFE L 17:00 RICHARD & JUDY 18:00 THE SIMPSONS: So It Has Come to This: The Simpsons Clip Show 18:30 ROWND A ROWND 19:00 WEDI 7 19:30 NEWYDDION 20:00 POBOL Y CWM 20:25 Y TY CYMREIG 21:00 DER FLIEGENDE HOLLANDER: TU ÔL I'R LLENNI 21:30 SIOE GELF 22:00 CAERDYDD 23:00 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES: I Wish I Could Forget You 00:00 10 YEARS YOUNGER 01:00 EUROTRASH 01:25 GOING COLD TURKEY 02:05 FILM: LIFE AS A HOUSE 04:15 DIWEDD/CLOSE

Thursday

February 20 - 26 2006

Page 21

bestpicturesever@tvdesk.com

19.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 20.00 Anthea Turner: the Perfect Housewife 21.00 Honey We're Killing the Kids 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 The Real Hustle 23.00 Wedding Stories 23.55 Honey We're Killing the Kids 24.55 Anthea Turner: the Perfect Housewife 01.50 My Childhood 02.50 Wedding Stories 03.50 Close Well, it was a week ago this evening that the Brit Awards were screened. I’ve been avoiding writing totally irrelevant stuff of late, but here are some of my views. What the fuck is wrong with our nation?

Why are we trusting ‘the people’ to choose who our Island should be proud of? The people make the Arctic Monkeys the fastest selling album ever, and should quite possibly have their citizenship revoked for that. My main gripe is in forcing the readers of Kerrang to vote for ‘Best Rock Act’ when the option they have is to select one of a handful of extremely bland INDIE acts, as they hang around Cardiff City Centre on Weekends listening to Bullet For My Valentine and

19.00 Reports from the Front Line of Global Warming 19.05 The Avengers 19.55 Reports from the Front Line of Global Warming 20.00 The World 20.30 Ripping Yarns 21.00 Look around You 21.10 Gay MPs: Pride and Prejudice in Politics 22.00 The Late Edition 22.30 QI 23.00 The Mark Steel Lecture 23.30 Counter Culture 24.00 Later with Jools Holland 01.00 Gay MPs: Pride and Prejudice in Politics 01.50 The Late Edition 02.20 Counter Culture 02.50 The Mark Steel Lecture 03.20 Lefties 04.20 Close cutting up pensioners on their skateboards. If a single Kerrang reader actually believes Kaiser Chiefs to be the best ‘Rock Act’ in Britain then their readership isn’t as vicious as it used to or should be. How many Kerrang covers have the Kaiser Chiefs been on? None. This is absolutely rubbish. I’m sorry, I’m ranting. Maybe I should pity those who felt obliged to vote because British music is at an all time low. I could probably count the number of worthwhile British bands on my fingers...

5:55 Animated Tales Of The World: Cap O' Rushes 6:10 The Hoobs: Boys And Girls 6:35 The Hoobs: Wind 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends: The One With Ross's Denial 7:55 Just Shoot Me: Bye Bye Binnie 8:20 Will & Grace: Swimming Pools... Movie Stars 8:50 Frasier: Frasier's Curse 9:20 Grudge Match 9:30 Going Cold Turkey 9:55 Rude Britannia: Sophia 10:25 Hardeep Does: Sex 10:50 Quit: Family Habit 10:55 Teens On Trial: Rachel - Underage BingeDrinking 11:25 Quit: A Hole In My Neck 11:30 Rude Britannia: Ben 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Water Stories 12:35 Er: Missing 1:30 The Girl In The Red Velvet Swing 3:30 Countdown 4:15 Deal Or No Deal NO DEAL!! 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons: Whacking Day Which made me think of the ‘show your telly was made for’ Wacaday. When middle aged mean could work on children’s TV without being labelled potential perverts.

Aaaaah, those were the days.

6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute Wonder: Deutsche Borse Photography Prize 2006 8:00 10 Years Younger 9:00 Capturing The Friedmans 11:05 Morrissey: Video Exclusive 11:10 Going Cold Turkey 12:00 No Angels 1:00 Before You Go 2:40 Coming Up: Only Girls 3:10 The Medici: Godfathers Of The Renaissance 4:10 Dispatches: Spinning Terror Aaaaaargh, I’m dizzy. 5:00 The Jamie Kennedy Experiment 5:25 Countdown 6:10 Close

06.00 Old Bear Stories 06.10 Aussie Antics 06.15 Rolie Polie Olie 06.45 Hi-5 07.15 Make Way for Noddy 07.30 Say It with Noddy 07.35 Make Way for Noddy 07.50 Say It With Noddy 07.55 Fifi and the Flowertots 08.10 Peppa Pig 08.15 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.35 Elmo's World 08.50 Franny's Feet 09.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.40 Film: "Race through Time" 15.40 Film: "Point Last Seen" 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Two and a Half Men 19.00 five news 19.15 UEFA Cup Football: Olympique Marseille v Bolton Wanderers I think the only footballing questiuon that needs answering at the moment is ‘Who would be the victor in a Premirship Managers’ Battle Royal?’. Geordie: Graeme Souness (RIP) Music Sam: Alan Pardew (because of the ‘Dirty Cockney Switch Knife’.

Music Harold: Stuart Pearce. Music Greg: Mick Mcarthy. TV Will: Big Sam. Menon: Sam Allardyce. I personally think a tie between Paul Jewell and Steve Bruce. We’ll have to take it to a Hell in a Cell match at Wrestlemania.

Wrestling = Cool. I kid you not.

22.00 House 23.00 Bodies Out of Control Extraordinary People 24.05 Golazo Football Show 01.05 UEFA Cup: Marseille v Bolton 02.45 Dutch Football: Ado v Ajax 04.15 Portuguese Football: Porto v Maritimo 05.30 Football Argentina

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6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Single Dad, But Are They All Mine? 10:30 This Morning 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Son, I Disown You Says me if I was Jezza’s dad. 2:35 Agatha Christie's Poirot The Cornish Mystery 3:35 Pocoyo Bedtime 3:40 Uncle Max Goes to the Arcade 3:50 The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers Box of No Return 3:55 Sonic X Shadow Knows 4:25 My Parents are Aliens: Enter the Duck As in ‘the duck enters’, rather than’ the duck is entered’. 5:00 You've Been Framed! 5:30 Dancing on Ice: Extra Like saying “Hey, you had enough of that cancer? Have some AIDs too. (Is that too much? Like anybody reads this bollocks anyway) 6:00 Wales Tonight 6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 7:30 Great Welsh Roads.

Taking Its Toll 8:00 The Bill 9:00 Footballers' Wives 10:30 ITV News 11:00 The Last Dawn 11:35 Waterfront 0:00 Free Ride Me in seminars.

0:30 Quizmania 3:45 Britain's Best Back Gardens 4:10 Moving Day 4:35 I Want That House Revisited 5:00 ITV Nightscreen Struggling to fill space on this day, TV Gareth fans. At least if there was a film on I could cut and paste the synopsis from imdb, but alas I have to resort to space culling “wouldashouldacoulda”. Anyway, headed to a couple of lectures in a mo. Gonna pick up some food on the way. I’m thinking, maybe, a Toffee Crisp, though nothing’s certain yet. 5:30 ITV Early Mormon News All the latest news on Mormons.

five 11.30pm

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6:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 9:00 Wake Up With... 10:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 Whatever... You Want 1:00 Higher Or Lower 2:00 Hijacked By... 3:00 One Tree Hill: I'm Awake, It's Morning 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One Where The Monkey Gets Away 5:30 Friends: The One With The Evil Orthodontist 6:05 Desperate Housewives: Live Alone And Like It 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Friends: The One Where The Monkey Gets Away 8:00 Celebrity Big Brother 9:00 Er: Two Ships 10:00 My Name Is Earl: Stole Beer From A Golfer 10:30 Chantelle: Living The Dream 11:00 The Shockwaves Nme Awards 2006 12:35 Rock School 1:40 Peep Show 2:10 8 Out Of 10 Cats 2:45 Er: Two Ships 3:30 My Name Is Earl: Stole Beer From A Golfer 3:50 Rock School 4:50 Fool Around...With My Girlfriend 5:15 Fool Around... With My Girlfriend You fucking dare.

09:00 JUST SHOOT ME: Bye Bye Binnie 09:25 WILL AND GRACE: Swimming Pools...

Movie Stars 09:50 FILM: INSIDE OUT (1975) 11:40 THE SAVOY: CHECKING INTO HISTORY 12:00 NEWS AT NOON 12:30 PLANED PLANT BACH 12:30 Y BRODYR COALA 12:45 SIOE MR DONIOL 12:50 BINCA 13:00 BARRUG 13:15 3 MINUTE WONDER: TALES OF THE CREEPY CROOKED: The Trowie Folk 13:20 RELOCATION RELOCATION 14:25 DEAL OR NO DEAL 15:15 COUNTDOWN 16:00 PLANED PLANT 16:00 DENNIS A DANNEDD 16:25 CRAFWR 16:50 FFEIL 17:00 RICHARD & JUDY 18:00 THE SIMPSONS: The Front 18:30 STWFFIO 19:00 WEDI 7 19:30 NEWYDDION 20:00 POBOL Y CWM 20:25 PAWB A'I FARN 21:30 RELOCATION, RELOCATION 22:30 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES 23:35 ROCK SCHOOL 00:35 FATHER TED: Hell 01:05 FATHER TED: Think Fast Father Ted 01:35 GOING COLD TURKEY 02:15 FILM: THE CRUCIBLE 04:20 DIWEDD/CLOSE

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6:00 GMTV2 9:25 Coronation Street 9:55 Emmerdale 10:25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10 Judge Judy 12:30 The Springer Show 1:30 Airline 2:00 Coronation Street 2:30 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 The Montel Williams Show 4:40 The Oprah Winfrey Show 5:35 Judge Judy 6:50 Ask a Silly Question 7:00 3rd Rock from the Sun You Don't Know Dick 7:30 Spin City Deaf Man Walking 8:00 My Teen's a Nightmare - I'm Moving Out 9:00 Real Crime Ben Needham Somebody Knows 10:00 Celebrity Surgery: Who's Had What Done? Breasts 10:30 Extra Time 11:15 Supernatural Bloody Mary 0:15 The Ricki Lake Show 1:00 Dare 4:00 Teleshopping and there would be no need to get in an argument about whether thumbs count as fingers, ‘cause I doubt I’d even get so far as eight. If you fancy knowing what some TV Desk approved British bands are then drop us a line on television@gairrhydd.com. Unless you’re from the Brits and looking for some guidance for next year.

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6:00am: Close 7:00 CBeebies: Ha Ha Time: Cbeebies Birthdays: Teletubbies 7:30 Bob the Builder 7:40 Brum 7:50 Brum 8:00 Balamory 8:20 Pingu. Pingu Plays Tag 8:25 CBBC: Newsround 8:30 Chucklevision 8:45 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:00 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:15 CBBC Playlist 10:30 Viewers Vote 11:00 FILM: A Stitch in Time 12:30pm: Working Lunch 1:00 Winter Olympics 2006 3:00 Sun, Sea and Bargain Spotting 4:00 Masterchef Goes Large 4:30 Winter Olympics 2006 7:30 The Culture Show Righty Ho. This week’s culture according to TV Gareth: the Ricky Gervais Podcast, Puzzles in Chat magazine, The Hold Steady Seperation Sunday, Hollyoaks: Back From The Dead, Football Manager, Industry in post war Wales, Los Campesinos, Salt and Vinegar Pringles, Snickers Flap Jack bars. Also I’ve been missing out on lots of Rugby talk. I had to get through a whole Welsh History lecture with my lecturer making refernces to Mike Ruddock and I didn’t have a clue what he was on about. Neil Ruddock, yes.

Mike Ruddock, no! If you are Welsh and grieving, I am sorry. At least your mum didn’t die. Unless your mum is already dead, in which case, I hope that didn’t cause any offence.

8:30 Winter Olympics 2006 10:30 Newsnight 11:20 The Culture Show 12:20am: Joins BBC News 24.

2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: GCSE Bitesize Revision: English 3 - Reading and Writing 4:00 GCSE Bitesize Revision. Business Studies

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6:00am: Breakfast 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Downsize Me 11:30 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Monk 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Winks I know her.

3:45 Krypto the Superdog 4:00 Fairly Odd Parents 4:15 Jonny's Hotshots 4:30 The Basil Brush Show 5:00 Kerching! 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours Harold and Connor's co-dependence causes concern. Elle guesses Ned's secret just as he's falling for her. Sky shuns Elle as Izzy and Paul's relationship overcomes another hurdle.

Gino's new musical is now all about Ned. Things are slowing down a little again in Neighbours aren’t they? Though I guess it’s a little hard to match the joy provided by the death of the Bishop family. I suggest bring them back, and then kill them again.

Either that or give Janae AIDs and turn Harold into a psycho killer. You mean that happens in the next month? fo’ sho’. I snarl at your faux-Neighbours fandom with my encyclopaedic knowledge.

6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Open All Hours 7:30 EastEnders 8:00 Just the Two of Us 9:00 Hotel Babylon 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 Question Time 11:35 FILM: Tin Men 1:25am: Sign Zone: Dubai Dreams 1:55 Sign Zone: Natural World 2:45 Sign Zone: Uncharted Territory 3:45 Sign Zone: Stepfamilies

Going Cold Turkey

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Just The Two Of Us

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STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

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Who had cancer in his foot but wouldn’t go to the doctor’s so eventually it took over and he died? Oh god, does anyone know of a good cheap dentist?

19.00 Lefties 20.00 The World 20.30 The Cinema Show 21.00 Folk Britannia at the Barbican: Which Side Are You On? 22.30 Shakespeare's Happy Endings 23.30 The Avengers 00.20 The Late Edition 00.50 The Mark Steel Lecture 01.20 Folk Britannia at the Barbican: Which Side Are You On? 02.50 Shakespeare's Happy Endings 03.50 Close More stupid facts (I’m feeling lazy): Mel Gibson has a horseshoe kidney (two horseshoes fused into onelovely, isn’t that supposed to mean you make a great lover?

Or is that having three nipples?), 53% of women will not leave the house without make-up on (who the hell came up with these?

And who were their samples?

What a ridiculous fact. Please feel free to email TV and let me know your views as I’m actually curious as to how true this is, blatantly completely made up but hey...

6:00 GMTV 9:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show I Didn't Cheat 25 Times - You're the Dad! Results 10:30 This Morning 12:00 This Morning: Dancing on Ice Special 12:30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show I Slept with My Best Friend - Am I the Dad? Results 2:35 Agatha Christie's Poirot The Disappearance of Mr Davenheim 3:35 Pocoyo Juggling Balls 3:40 Uncle Max Goes Flying 3:50 The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers Just of Glory 4:00 Finders Keepers 4:30 Sabrina, the Teenage Witch Little Orphan Hilda 5:00 You've Been Framed!

5:30 Dancing on Ice: Extra I am sick and tired of all these stupid reality TV programs with celebrities/random people doing crazy things, I cannot take any more of these shows, I don’t need to be addicted to any more, it’s just becoming highly embarassing.

6:00 Wales Tonight 6:30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 7:30 Coronation Street 8:00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 8:30 A Touch of Frost Stranger in the House 10:30 ITV News 11:00 Party Political Broadcast 11:05 Life of Death 11:35 Orange Playlist Well if I am correct then it would seem Kaiser Chiefs got three awards in the Brits this past week, fair play to the little sweeties. Also, I hear James Blunt won two, well he can piss off the little irritating pussy-voiced arsehole. I don’t like him as you may have guessed. 0:05 Quizmania 5:00 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV Early Morning News

6:00 GMTV2 9:25 Coronation Street 9:55 Emmerdale 10:25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10 Judge Judy 12:30 The Springer Show 1:30 Airline 2:00 Coronation Street 2:30 Emmerdale 3:00 The Ricki Lake Show 3:50 The Montel Williams Show 4:40 The Oprah Winfrey Show 5:35 Judge Judy 6:50 Movies Now 7:00 3rd Rock from the Sun My Mother My Dick I think perhaps the people that make this show should perhaps think a little harder about what they call the episodes, this one brings up terrifying images.

7:30 Spin City Marrying Men 8:00 Planet's Funniest Animals 8:30 American Idol 10:15 American Idol 0:00 American Idol 0:50 Haunted Homes 1:25 Coronation Street 1:50 Extra Time 2:25 Dare 4:00 Teleshopping Stupid facts continued: Apparently the can opener was invented 48 years after the invention of the can… right that’s it, this sounds like bollocks, I’m off to search the trusty Wikipedia site to find out if there is any substance to such a claim…on my life, it’s true...

Snakehunter

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6:10 The Hoobs: Getting Bigger 6:35 The Hoobs: Rubbish 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends: The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance 7:55 Just Shoot Me: Maya Judging Amy 8:25 Will & Grace: Crazy In Love 8:50 Frasier: Dial M For Martin 9:20 Water Stories 9:30 Going Cold Turkey 9:55 Quit: Dog End 10:00 Teens On Trial: Ben - Dope Smoking 10:30 Quit: A Hole In My Neck 10:35 The Big Drugs Debate 11:25 Quit: Family Habit 11:30 Rude Britannia: Ashley And Steph 12:00 News At Noon 12:30 Cheers: Woody Gets An Election I could have sworn this said ‘erection’ and my, that would have been something for day time TV.1:00 Er: Makemba 1:55 Pink String And Sealing Wax 3:30 Countdown 4:15 Deal Or No Deal 5:00 Richard & Judy 6:00 The Simpsons: Marge In Chains 6:30 Hollyoaks 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:35 30 Minutes : Making Our Kids Criminals 8:00 Friends: The One With The Cake 8:30 Will & Grace: Will & Grace & Vince & Nadine 9:00 8 Out Of 10 Cats 9:30 The It Crowd: The Haunting Of Bill Crouse 10:00 My Name Is Earl: Joy's Wedding I find this programme really sweet. it always makes me feel happy inside, good old Earl. You could learn a few good lessons from this moral tale.

10:35 The Friday Night Project 11:35 The Shockwaves Nme Awards 2006 1:10 Kanye West: Live And Orchestral At Abbey Road 2:10 The Medici: Godfathers Of The Renaissance 3:10 Transworld Sport 4:05 Scrapheap Challenge: Snowmobile 5:05 Countdown

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19.00 The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 20.00 Get Your Dream Job 20.30 Trauma 21.00 Wedding Stories 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 23.00 Film: "A Way of Life" 00.25 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 00.55 The Mighty Boosh 01.25 Twisted Tales 01.55 May Contain Nuts 02.25 The Real Hustle 02.50 The Ferocious Mr Fix It 03.50 Close I think there’s something wrong with my gums. They haven’t been feeling right lately and now I’m starting to get really worried as I can’t remember the last time I went to the dentist and what if I’ve got gum rot and my head’s slowly dissolving and there’s nothing I can do? Now now Jane, deep breaths, don’t panic… just go to the dentist…but don’t they cost money? I haven’t got any money, well not enough to be treated for gum rot anyway nad what if they tell me my worst fears are true and that I do have gum rot, do I really want to know? Wasn’t it Bob Marley

6:00am: Close 7:00 CBeebies: Ha Ha Time: CBeebies Birthdays: Teletubbies 7:30 Rubbadubbers 7:40 Brum More charming scenes form the glorious city of Birmingham. 7:50 Brum 8:00 Balamory 8:20 Pingu. Pingu and the Balancing Act 8:25 CBBC: Newsround 8:30 Chucklevision 8:45 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:00 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:15 CBBC Playlist 10:30 Viewers Vote 11:00 What the Stuarts Did for Us Erm… chopped lots of people’s heads off? Wore wierd fancy clothes? 11:30 Winter Olympics 2006 3:00pm: Sun, Sea and Bargain Spotting 4:00 Masterchef Goes Large 4:30 Winter Olympics 2006 8:00 Gardeners' World Specials BBC 2 scrapes the bottom of the barrel agin tonight.

9:00 The Unknown Soldiers 9:50 Dragons' Den: Best Of 10:00 Mock the Week 10:30 Newsnight 11:00 Newsnight Review with George Clooney 11:35 Winter Olympics 2006 00:15: FILM: Soylent Green 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Open University: Ever Wondered? 2:30 Building the Perfect Beast 3:30 Open Advice. Staying on Course 4:00 A Living Doll: A Background to Shaw's Pygmalion 4:30 Wide Sargasso Sea – Real and Imaginary Islands 5:00 Church and Mosque - Venice and Istanbul 5:30 Renaissance Secrets Aww, poor TV John and Gareth have just returned from the TV room downstairs with forlorn faces due to the fact that the Brit awards aren’t on the TV due to some drama group being in there. Poor little darlings. But at least they didn’t have to suffer James Cunt, oops, Blunt.

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6:00am: Breakfast 9:15 Animal Park 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Downsize Me 11:30 Bargain Hunt 12:15pm: Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Monk 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBBC: Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Winks 3:45 Krypto the Superdog 4:00 The Fairly Odd Parents 4:15 Jonny's Hotshots 4:30 Stupid 5:00 Blue Peter 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours Summer returns to a cool reception. Elle and Izzy plot to make Ned jealous. Rachel defies Susan and Alex .

6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30 Regional News Programmes 7:00 Junior Mastermind 7:30 Stars in Fast Cars 8:00 EastEnders What on earth has been going on with Pat and Patrick these past few weeks? I don’t have anything against the more mature person having a bit of a romp every now and then, but not at eight o’clock on primetime TV when I’ve only just had me dinner. Not a pretty thought to be honest. I don’t get it anyway, what’s so great about Pat? I think Patrick’s wife (I can’t spell her name) is much prettier and probably a little easier to manoeuvre. Anyway, isn’t Pat a lesbian in real life?

8:30 Just the Two of Us 10:00 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35 Jon Culshaw's Commercial Breakdown 11:05 FILM: Twins 00:45: FILM: Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde 2:15 Joins BBC News 24

Now That’s Embarassing

6:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 9:00 Wake Up With... 10:00 Freshly Squeezed Tunes 11:00 Whatever... You Want 12:00 Whatever... You Want 1:00 Higher Or Lower 2:00 Hijacked By... 3:00 One Tree Hill: Lifetime Piling Up 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks 5:00 Friends: The One With The Fake Monica 5:30 Friends: The One With The Ick Factor 6:05 Desperate Housewives: Fear No More 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Friends: The One With The Fake Monica 8:00 Celebrity Big Brother 9:00 Supernanny 10:00 Stepmom 12:25 Porn: A Family Business 1:05 Porn: A Family Business 1:45 Supernanny 2:50 Desperate Housewives: Fear No More 3:35 Porn: A Family Business 4:05 One Tree Hill: Lifetime Piling Up 4:50 Fool Around... With whatever. The first cans in 1810 were made out of heavy weight metal and you had to use a rock or knife to open them, 50 years later they ivented the can opener.

Marvellous. Amazing.

06.00 Old Bear Stories 06.10 Aussie Antics 06.15 Rolie Polie Olie 06.45 Hi-5 07.15 Make Way for Noddy Or else he’ll beat you to a pulp and rip your still beating heart out and hold it in front of your face so you can see how black it is before you die. I hope you realise that this is possibly one of the most classic lines from the classic film Wayne’s World dear reader and not actually something I conjuered up myself. I’m not that sick. Really.

07.30 Say It With Noddy 07.35 Make Way for Noddy 07.50 Say It With Noddy 07.55 Fifi and the Flowertots Man I really fancy some jelly tots right now.

08.10 Peppa Pig 08.15 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 08.35 Elmo's World 08.50 Franny's Feet 09.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 five news 12.00 Home and Away 12.30 BrainTeaser 13.40 Film: "Ground Zero" 15.40 Film: "Lethal Vows" 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Two and a Half Men 19.00 five news 19.30 Built for the Kill 20.00 Snakehunter: Search for the Giant Anaconda 21.00 Now That's Embarrassing: The 80s shiny pink shells suits, leggings, shoulder pads, stilettos, baggy neon yellow and orange sweatshirts, those were the days! (though I was only a wee nipper in those days and didn’t choose what clothes I wore).

00.00 The Shield 01.00 John Barnes' Football Night 01.45 Boxing: Fight of the Week 02.35 Now Is the Time: Night of Combat - Kick Boxing 03.25 Poker Night 04.55 World Supercross Grand Prix

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09:00 JUST SHOOT ME: Bye Bye Binnie 09:25 WILL AND GRACE: Swimming Pools...

Movie Stars 09:50 FILM: INSIDE OUT 11:40 THE SAVOY: CHECKING INTO HISTORY 12:00 NEWS AT NOON 12:30 PLANED PLANT BACH 12:30 Y BRODYR COALA 12:45 SIOE MR DONIOL 12:50 BINCA 13:00 BARRUG 13:15 3 MINUTE WONDER: TALES OF THE CREEPY CROOKED: The Trowie Folk 13:20 RELOCATION RELOCATION 14:25 DEAL OR NO DEAL 15:15 COUNTDOWN 16:00 PLANED PLANT 16:00 DENNIS A DANNEDD 16:25 CRAFWR 16:50 FFEIL 17:00 RICHARD & JUDY 18:00 THE SIMPSONS: The Front 18:30 STWFFIO 19:00 WEDI 7 19:30 NEWYDDION 20:00 POBOL Y CWM 20:25 PAWB A'I FARN 21:30 RELOCATION, RELOCATION 22:30 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES 23:35 ROCK SCHOOL 00:35 FATHER TED: Hell 01:05 FATHER TED: Think Fast Father Ted 01:35 GOING COLD TURKEY 02:15 FILM: THE CRUCIBLE 04:20 DIWEDD/CLOSE

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19.00 Three's Outtakes 19.15 MPs' Outtakes 19.45 The Apprentice 20.45 The Apprentice: You're Fired 21.15 Film: "A Time to Kill" Matthew McConaughey, a young, attractive and highly-skilled attorney is faced with the toughest case of his life, one that on many occassions may also threaten it. In the southern Mississippi town of Canton, the KKK is active and the tension is high when the black majority is angered at the raping and slaying of a black man's 10-year-old daughter.

Against Jake's advice, the distraught father takes revenge, gunning down the two criminals in the local courthouse. Racial hatred heightens with the suspense, and conflict threatens to break out regardless of the verdict. Jake must decide, along with his new, eager assisstant whether he and his family can run the risk of defending the man. 23.40 Tittybangbang 24.10 The Last Laugh 01.05 Man Stroke Woman 01.35 Grass 02.05 The Story of...

Pulp's Common People 03.00 A Dirty Weekend in Hospital

19.00 Music for Everybody 20.00 Searle's Progress 21.00 The Mark Steel Lecture 21.30 The Cinema Show 22.00 Film: "Read My Lips" Young secretary Carla is a long-time employee of a property development company. Loyal and hardworking, first to arrive and last to leave, Carla is beginning to chafe at the limitations of her career and is looking to move up. But as a 35-fiveyear-old woman with a hearing deficiency, she is not sure how to climb out of her humdrum life, though she is confident in her own abilities. Into her life comes Paul Angeli, a new trainee she decides to hire. Paul is 25 years old and completely unskilled, but Carla covers for him when the need arises because of his other qualities he's a thief, fresh out of jail and very good-looking. It's a case of good meeting bad.23.55 The Late Edition 24.25 Searle's Progress 01.25 Music for Everybody 02.25 Folk Britannia at the Barbican: Which Side Are You On? Presented by Friend of the TV Willy, Billy Bragg. 03.55 Close

6:00 GMTV2 9:25 Emmerdale Omnibus 12:10 Coronation Street Omnibus 2:30 Coronation Street Family Album 3:00 Emmerdale Secrets: Great Exits 4:00 Date My Daughter 4:45 Planet's Funniest Animals 5:15 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 6:15 Australian Princess 7:15 Surface 8:20 Dancing on Ice: Defrosted 9:20 Planet's Funniest Animals 9:50 Dancing on Ice: Defrosted Results Although, if there was actually a defrosting going down, this may well see the end of the program. It’s the semi finals this week, and I am ex-ci-ted... at the thought of the impending ending. yahoo!10:20 FILM: The Pelican Brief Two Supreme Court Justices have been assassinated. One lone law student has stumbled upon the truth. An investigative journalist wants her story. Everybody else wants her dead. 1:00 FILM: Volcano There are 1,500 active volcanoes that we know about... and one that we don't. Cue eruptions and deaths. 2:55 Dare 3:30 Emmerdale Omnibus 5:50 ITV2 Nightscreen

6:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:30 The All Star Wake Up Call 9:00 The All Star Wake Up Call 10:00 The All Star Wake Up Call 10:30 Chantelle's Whatever You Want 11:00 Chantelle's Whatever You Want 12:00 Chantelle's Whatever You Want 12:30 Scariest Videos... Ever 1:00 Scariest Videos... Ever 2:00 Scariest Videos... Ever 2:30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5:00 Friends: The One With The Birth 5:30 Friends: The One Where Rachel Finds Out 6:00 Shipwrecked 2006: Battle Of The Islands 7:00 Brat Camp Usa 8:00 Celebrity Big Brother 9:00 100 Greatest No.1's 1:10 The Friday Night Project 2:15 Porn: A Family Business 2:50 Shipwrecked 2006: Battle Of The Islands 3:50 Brat Camp Usa 4:30 Switched 4:55 Fool Around With...TV John Bring your Bruce Springsteen Live in New York City album, two bottles of vermouth, nail gun and any Boss Loving, drunken, Tac Friendly Neo-Goths along. Please.

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06.00 Sunrise 06.55 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 07.25 The SaveUms! 07.35 The Save-Ums! 07.50 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08.00 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08.15 Franklin 08.45 George Shrinks 09.20 Don't Blame the Koalas 09.50 The Adventures of Sinbad 10.40 Blue Water High 11.10 Movie Lounge 12.05 The Gadget Show 12.50 Property Dreams 13.55 The World's 20 Best... 15.00 Film: "The Plunderers" 16.40 Film: "Finding Kelly" 18.20 Charmed 19.10 Film: "Wild Wild West" The best thing about this film is the episode of South Park where Cartman sings the theme tune.

Y’know what I’m saying?

21.00 five news and sport 21.15 CSI:NY 22.15 Law and Order: Criminal Intent 23.15 Film: "Snatch" Turkish, an unlicenced boxing promoter is pulled into trouble when he becomes involved in big time criminal Brick Top, who wants him to arrange a fight and fix it.

Meanwhile, a diamond theft goes down but the 84 karat stone goes missing. This leads Avi, the boss who was supposed to receive the stone, to come to England to search for it, with the help of his cousin, Doug The Head and Bullet Tooth Tony. As events twist and turn, the two situations blend into one with a chain reaction of events carrying on for each and every character.

01.10 Law and Order: Criminal Intent 02.00 The FBI Files 02.50 The Wright Stuff 03.55 The Wright Stuff 05.00 Wildlife SOS III 05.25 Wildlife SOS III

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5:50 Spider-Man: Spider-Man Battles The Moleman 6:10 The Hoobs: Eggs 6:35 The Hoobs: Planes 7:00 French Football: Le Championnat 7:30 Freesports On 4: O'neill Freestyle Pro And Red Bull Hike And Ride 8:00 The Morning Line 8:55 T4: Totally Frank 9:25 T4: Shockwaves NME Awards: The T4 Highlights This year’s awards shortlist is virtually identical to that of the Brit Awards. God Bless. 10:00 T4: Friends: The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress 10:30 T4: Popworld 11:20 T4: Friends: The One With Joey's Award 11:50 T4: Rock School 12:55 T4: Shipwrecked 2006: Battle Of The Islands 2:00 Channel 4 Racing From Sandown Park And Newcastle 4:15 Countdown 5:00 Supernanny 5:55 Deal Or No Deal 6:45 Channel 4 News 7:15 Krakatoa 9:15 Captain Corelli's Mandolin 11:40 The IT Crowd: The Haunting Of Bill Crouse 12:10 4music: Motley Crue: Live In Concert 1:50 4music: Michael Jackson's Moments 1:55 4music: Soundproof: Bad Boys Make The Best Boybands I bet Simon Fuller dreams of the opportunity to combine Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden and Ricky from the Kaiser Chiefs to create the ultimate in bastard boy bands. 2:10 4music: 4play: Leya 2:25 Simon Thurley: Building Britain 4:25 The Medici: Godfathers Of The Renaissance 5:25 Countdown Just been outside with TV John and the gair rhydd photography team. Some lovely snaps of John smoking were taken, so TV fans if you flick through the gair rhydd and see some kissable, smoking lips, they be his.

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Wakey! including Bing and Bong's Tiny Planets, Fun Song Factory, Pocoyo, Jo Jo's Circus, and Dora the Explorer 7:25 Toonattik 9:25 Holly and Stephen's Saturday Showdown 11:30 cd:uk 12:30 ITV News; Weather 12:35 ITV Wales News and Weather 12:40 Creature Comforts The Sea 12:50 Planet's Funniest Animals 1:20 FILM: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Adam, the eldest of seven brothers, goes to town to get a wife. He convinces Milly to marry him that same day. They return to his backwoods home.

Only then does she discover he has six brothers -- all living in his cabin. Milly sets out to reform the uncouth siblings, who are anxious to get wives of their own. Then, after reading about the Roman capture of the Sabine women, Adam develops an inspired solution to his brothers' loneliness . . . kidnap the women they want! 3:15 Inspector Morse Happy Families 5:15 ITV Wales News and Weather 5:30 ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5:45 Harry Hill's TV Burp I think if I burped hard enough what I produced would probably look something like ITV’s Saturday night schedule.

6:15 Stars In Their Eyes Kids 7:15 Dancing on Ice Here’s me hoping and praying that the BBC try to match this with something along the lines of ‘Dancing On Fire’.

8:20 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

9:20 Dancing on Ice - The Skate-Off 9:50 The Big Fight Live 11:20 ITV News 11:35 It Shouldn't Happen to a TV Weather Forecaster 0:40 Quizmania 5:00 ITV Nightscreen

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6:00am: CBeebies: Tikkabilla 6:30 Come Outside 6:45 Bobinogs 7:00 CBBC: Looney Tunes 7:05 Arthur 7:30 BB3B 7:55 The Cramp Twins 8:10 Legend of the Dragon 8:35 The Fairly Odd Parents 9:00 Dick and Dom in da Bungalow 11:00 Top of the Pops Reloaded With performances by Lovebites, Craig David, Charlotte Church, Sugababes and Liz McClarnon.

Sam and Mark romance Girls Aloud at their video shoot in Paris, Fearne battles it out in Know Your Guest and Jk and Joel host a pop-packed quiz.

11:45 Sportsround 12:00pm: Switch 12:30 Film 2006 with Jonathan Ross 1:00 Cagney and Lacey. Partners 1:45 Winter Olympics 2006 3:05 Animal Park 4:05 Flog It! 5:05 What the Papers Say 5:15 Winter Olympics 2006 6:50 Winter Olympics 2006 8:45 Winter Olympics 2006 That’s near five straight hours of sliding.

10:00 Dirty Pretty Things Drama about some body part selling scandal.

Deplorable of course, unless they are the body parts of the identicallynamed new band of Carl Barat, the boring less druggy one from the Libertines.

11:35 Dave Allen at Large 12:20am: Mock the Week 12:50 FILM: The Armored Car Robbery 2:00 BBC Learning Zone: Open University: The Next Big Thing. Endless Energy 2:30 Snapshots: Unlocking Autism 2:45 What Have the 70s Ever Done for Us? 3:00 Tropical Forest: The Conundrum of Coexistence 3:30 The Emergence of Greek Mathematics 4:00 The Signature of Life 4:30 The End of the Race against Time 5:00 The Man Who Loved Trees

C4 7.15pm

Don’t Blame The Koalas

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6:00am: Breakfast 9:00 Weekend 24 10:00 Saturday Kitchen Second Helpings 11:30 Rachel's Favourite Food for Friends 12:00pm: BBC News; Weather Digital 12:10 Football Focus 1:00 Six Nations Grandstand 1:10 Winter Olympics: Ice Hockey 1:40 Six Nations Build-Up 1:50 Six Nations Rugby. France v Italy 4:30 Final Score 5:10 Six Nations Grandstand. Scotland v England.The Scots pulled off a shock victory over France at Murrayfield on the opening weekend and will be hoping to continue rebuilding against their powerful visitors. England look to be getting back to their best and will be hoping to extend their unbeaten run against Scotland to six matches.

Eddie Butler and Brian Moore are the commentators, kick-off at 5.30 7:25 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 7:45 The National Lottery: Millionaire Manor 8:25 Casualty 9:15 Just the Two of Us Tess Daly and Vernon Kay present as eight professional singers are paired with eight celebrities and have to sing live duets in front of a judging panel, competing for viewers' votes to stay in the competition. The remaining seven duos perform rock or country and western duets.

Have we not suffered enough already? Surely ITV have already done this at some point or another? And Vernon bastarding Kay? For fuck’s sake.

10:15 BBC News; Weather 10:35 Match of the Day 11:55 FILM: Dressed to Kill 1:40am: Joins BBC News 24.

Krakatoa

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ITV1 7.15Pm

PRIME-

Dancing On Ice

BBC1 9.15pm

PRIMETIME

Just The Two Of Us

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

06:10 The Hoobs: Shoes 06:35 The Hoobs: Flying 07:00 French Football: Le Championnat 07:30 Freesports On 4 08:00 The Morning Line 08:55 Scrappy Races Rally 09:55 Frasier 10:25 Shipwrecked 2006: Battle Of The Islands 11:25 The O.C: The Perfect Storm 12:20 Stargate Sg-1: Reckoning (Pt. 2) 13:10 Star Trek: Enterprise: In A Mirror, Darkly (Pt. 2) 14:00 Channel 4 Racing From Wincanton And Uttoxeter 16:15 Countdown 17:00 Newyddion 17:10 Y Clwb Rygbi 19:25 Y Clwb Pêl-Droed 20:00 Newyddion A Chwaraeon 20:15 Noson Lawen 21:20 O'r Galon: Yn Glaf Ac Yn Iach 21:50 Kidnap Ronnie Biggs 23:50 Film: Final Destination A staggering work of genius. It’s true.

01:40 Film: Bamboozled 03:50 Kotv 04:20 Diwedd/Close

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

Sunday

Page 24

February 20 - 26 2006

we’regoingtogetkickedout@thisisnogood.union

STUDENT SAVER ANY PIZZA ANY SIZE ONLY £9.89 DELIVERED! 029 20229977

19.00 Anthea Turner: the Perfect Housewife Capitalist money-grabbing swine-bag.

20.00 Honey We're Killing the Kids 21.00 Wedding Stories Try making this one about Anthea Turner, the capitalist money-grabbing swine-bag.

22.00 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 22.30 The Real Hustle 23.00 My Penis and I “My thing and I” would have been a better title, surely.

23.55 Wedding Stories 00.55 Honey We're Killing the Kids 1.50 Anthea Turner: the Perfect Housewife A capitalist moneygrabbing swine-bag at any time of night.

02.50 My Penis and I 03.50 Close Music TV John is currently rocking to: Halloween, Alaska, Tilly and the Wall, Two Gallants, Panic! At The Disco, Jens Lekman, Teddy Thompson, Gordon Lightfoot, the best of Lee Hazlewood and Nancy Sinattra, The Waco Brothers, Richard Thompson... etc.

19.00 Meltdown - a Global Warming Journey 20.00 Time 8 o’ Clock, surely? 21.00 The Flipside of Dominick Hyde...Is Dominick Jekyll. Arf. 22.35 The Phantom Inventory 22.45 Film: "Close My Eyes" Not to be confused with Open Your Eyes, which is the Spanish original of Vanilla Sky. 00.30 Counter Culture 01.00 Meltdown - a Global Warming See what they did there “Warming”, sounds a bit like “Warning” doesn’t it? It’s about things getting hotter too, and we should be aware of it happening.

That title is genius - give that guy a job at the Sun. Or at the very least, The Spectator.

02.00 BBC Proms 2005: Britten and Tchaikovsky BBC3 reveal Fearne’s replacement for Philip Schofield.

04.05 Close ITV1 News this week have used a picture of myself smoking a cigarette outside the Taf for their smoking ban story. “God! I didn’t know he smoked! Urgh! I no longer consider him marriage material” - my legion of adoring female fans.

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6:00 GMTV 6:00 News 6:10 The Sunday Programme 7:25 Toonattik 9:25 The Championship 10:25 Jonathan Dimbleby 11:25 Wales Soccer Sunday 11:55 American Idol 3:15 ITV Wales News and Weather 3:25 Best Friends 3:55 American Idol Results 4:45 Planet's Funniest Animals 5:00 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries Celebrities and Practical Jokes 6:00 Your Century Bargoed and District. Find out what that place that’s always on your train journey and bus journey, but you always get off before you get there, was like 100 years ago. I always imagine Bargoed to be a kind of ghost town, where dithering old valleyhags stagger around deserted village streets with a shopping trolley croaking “there was life here once... I saw it!”

6:30 ITV Wales News and Weather 6:45 ITV News; Weather 7:00 Emmerdale 7:30 Coronation Street 8:00 Wild At Heart Not to be confused with the awesome David Lynch film of the same name. Or indeed, anything else that’s good.

9:00 Midsomer Murders Dead Letters 11:00 ITV News 11:15 Carling Cup Final Highlights Go Wigan!

00:20 Quizmania 2:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:35 Redcoats 4:00 People's Court 5:00 ITV Nightscreen 5:30 ITV Early Morning News Editor Tom has just revealed he puts aftershave on his tie. TV Grace has revealed she was a tippex tie type. I was the type whose pencil case only consisted of a biro in my pocket.

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6:00am: CBeebies: Tikkabilla 6:30 Come Outside 6:45 Bobinogs 7:00 CBBC: Looney Tunes. Daffy Duck in Nasty Quacks 7:05 The Fairly Odd Parents 7:30 Smile 10:00 Sunday Style 11:30 FILM: Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon Fnarr!

12:35pm: The Winter Flying Gardener 12:50 Winter Olympics 2006 4:45 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 5:15 Wild Summer River 5:25 Big Cat Diary: Family Histories 5:55 Natural World 6:45 Winter Olympics 2006 More snow-scuffing and kamikaze Austrians on tea trays. Ever notice how on name terms alone, every Winter Olympiad could pass themselves off as a descendent of the Nazis?

Also, ski-jumpers: how does anyone decide they want to be a ski jumper? How do you do your first ever skijump? Do you practise on smaller ramps and then work your way up to the bad boys? Any ski-jumpers reading, email TV desk at tvjohncan’tsleepatnight@gairrhydd.com 10:00 Petrolheads 10:30 Match of the Day 2 11:30 American Dad. Rough Trade 11:50 Family Guy. Brian Wallows, Peter Swallows 00:15: FILM: Chopper Starring Eric “Munich” Bana, in an early role which, if you’ve ever seen it, should surely have made Eric Bana the last choice to be in Munich, but there you go. Next year expect to see Sean William Scott in Oliver Stone’s’ 9/11 flick, and Ryan Reynolds in Passion of the Christ 2.

1:45 Joins BBC News 24. 4:00 The V Word! Vagina 5:00 The V Word! Vulva

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6:00am: Breakfast 7:35 Match of the Day 9:00 Sunday AM 10:00 The Heaven and Earth Show 10:55 Countryfile Does John Craven still do this? Or does Ben Fogle rule the roost?

No offence to the toffee-nosed fuckwit, but I want my tractorengine updates from a reliable source, not a stuck up bigwig who’s scared of getting his fingernails dirty.

11:55 The Politics Show 12:50pm: EastEnders 2:45 Six Nations Grandstand. Ireland v Wales. Prediction, Wales give them a good pasting on their home turf. As the rugby isn’t on in Cardiff this weekend, I don’t care, because I’ll be enjoying the freedom of walking down St Mary’s Street without being socked in the face by a Welsh Rugby thug, like what almost happened last weekend.

5:10 Songs of Praise 5:45 Junior Mastermind Subjects: Mammals of the African Plains; the Life of Roald Dahl; Chelsea FC; Dr Who 2005; The Zulu War and Greek Mythology.

Excuse me for pissing on their parade, but surely answering questions about 12 episodes of Dr Who is just a tad easier than answering them on The Zulu War? 6:45 Antiques Roadshow 7:35 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 8:00 Just the Two of Us 9:00 Gideon's Daughter 10:45 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 11:05 Rail Cops 11:35 FILM: Trapped 1:10am: Sign Zone: Holby City 2:10 Sign Zone: A Passion for Churches 2:40 Sign Zone: Beat the Bailiff 3:25 Sign Zone: How to Live Longer No 6.

Don’t say you like Kasabian anywhere near TV John.

Chantelle’s Whatever Your Want E4 11am

6:00 GMTV2 9:25 Movies Now 9:35 Dancing on Ice 10:40 Dancing on Ice - The Skate-Off 11:10 Dancing on Ice: Defrosted - Results 11:40 Emmerdale Omnibus 2:20 Coronation Street Omnibus 4:40 American Idol 6:25 American Idol 8:10 American Idol Results 9:00 Supernatural Skin In which Skin from Skunk Anansie reveals she can freeze time and set fire to children just by looking at them. Although I always suspected she could do that anyway.

10:00 FILM: Volcano Substandard disaster movie dross for people with limited attention span.

00:05 Coronation Street 0:35 The Ricki Lake Show 1:25 Play Sudoku Brilliant - televised Sudoku. Anyone too stupid to have access to a pen and a piece of paper, and are happy to waste £3 a minute phoning a hotline, this is the show for you.

4:00 Teleshopping Just in case you’ve got any small change leftover from playing TV Sudoku, how about buying a malfunctioning steam iron?

Arthur’s Trip To India

five 11.35am

6:10 The Hoobs: Dreams 6:35 The Hoobs: Spots 7:00 Transworld Sport 7:55 Freesports On 4: Snowboarding And Surfing 8:25 Freesports On 4: Lg Action Sports Championships 8:55 T4 T4: One Tree Hill: You Can't Always Get What You Want It’s true - I want the entire cast of One Tree Hill to be decapitated one by one and then have flags saying “poor man’s OC” planted in their necks, and I didn’t get it.

9:55 T4: Hollyoaks Omnibus 12:25 T4: Shipwrecked 2006: Battle Of The Islands 1:30 T4: The O.C.: The Anger Management 2:30 T4: Fiends: The One With Ross And Monica's Cousin 3:05 T4: Stargate Sg-1: Moebius 4:00 T4: Star Trek: Enterprise: Terra Prime 4:50 Scrapheap Challenge: The Scrappy Races Home Builds 5:55 Time Team: Court Of The Kentish King 6:50 Desperate Housewives: I Wish I Could Forget You I wish I could forget I’d ever watched this glorified version of Melrose Place 7:40 Channel 4 News 8:00 Invasion: The Dredge Ironic, given Invasion’s status in the TV drama heirachy.

9:00 100 Greatest Funny Moments I’m holding out for that scene from Irreversible. You know the one. Let’s relegate that dangerously unfunny bit where Del Boy falls through the bar.

Wasn’t funny the first time.

1:05 Gregory's Two Girls Soft porn sequal to the classic Claire Grogan “thriller” of the eighties.

3:05 Kotv 3:30 French Football: Le Championnat Le Unwatchable more like 5:25 Countdown 6:10 Close

6:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00 E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:00 The All Star Wake Up Call 9:00 The All Star Wake Up Call 10:00 Chantelle's Whatever You Want 11:00 Chantelle's Whatever You Want 12:00 Greatest Nearly Number Ones...

1:00 Greatest Nearly Number Ones... 2:10 Popworld 3:00 Young, Sexy And...Soapy 3:55 Beauty And The Geek 5:00 Friends: The One With Ross's New Girlfriend 5:30 Friends: The One With The Breast Milk 6:00 The O.C.: The Anger Management 7:00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Splinter 8:00 Er: Two Ships 9:00 Invasion: Origin Of The Species 10:00 Desperate Housewives: Colour And Light 10:55 My Name Is Earl: Stole Beer From A Golfer 11:25 Smallville: Superman The Early Years: Splinter 00:15 The O.C.: The Anger Management 1:10 Er: Two Ships 2:05 My Name Is Earl: Stole Beer From A Golfer 2:30 Beauty And The Geek 3:30 Popworld 4:15 Switched 4:35 Switched 4:55 Fool Around... With The Cheeky Girls

06.00 Old Bear Stories 06.10 Aussie Antics 06.15 Rolie Polie Olie 06.40 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 07.10 The Save-Ums! 07.25 The Save-Ums! 07.40 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08.00 Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08.20 Franklin 08.50 George Shrinks 09.25 Snobs 09.55 Michaela's Wild Challenge 10.30 Heroes of History 11.00 The New Tomorrow 11.30 Arthur's Trip to India 12.00 Rooted 12.30 Divine Designs 13.00 five news update 13.10 Nigel Marven's Meerkat Adventure Nigel Marvin is cockney rhyming slang for “Animal fucker” 14.15 Film: "Do Not Disturb" 16.25 Film: "Calamity Jane" Doris Day guff beloved by the elderly and plank-headed among us.

18.20 five news and sport 18.40 Film: "Maverick" Oooohhhhh yeah!

21.00 Film: "The Patriot" Is this the Steven Seagal classic, where he plays a county sherriff with a penchant for looking like a turd that’s been left out in the sun, or is it the inordinately camp Mel Gibson tripe that came out when I was in New York?

Suck it and see. It appears to have be on for over three hours, so I don’t think it’s the former. Our team name in the UGC film quiz this week was “Steven Livingstone Seagal” 00.10 Dubai X Games 01.00 ITU Triathlon World Cup 01.50 Motorsport Mundial 02.15 NCAA Basketball 03.45 Ironman Triathlon 04.40 Dutch Football Anyone happening to be going to see Two Gallants this Tuesday (21st) at Cardiff Barfly, i’ll see you there, and you can ply me with drinks and take me home with you.

P R I M E T I M E

BBC4 12.50pm

PRIMETIME

Winter Olympics

BBC3 11pm

P R I M E T I M E

029 20229977

My Penis and I

P R I M E T I M E

BUY ANY LARGE PIZZA AT REGULAR PRICE & GET A 2nd for SMALL £2 MEDIUM £3 LARGE £4 – DELIVERED!

06:10 The Hoobs: Times 06:35 The Hoobs: Getting To Sleep 07:00 Transworld Sport 07:55 Freesports On 4 08:25 Freesports On 4: Lg Action Sports Championships 08:55 Hollyoaks 09:25 Hollyoaks 09:55 Hollyoaks 10:30 Hollyoaks 11:00 Hollyoaks 11:30 One Tree Hill 12:30 Yr Wythnos 13:00 Maniffesto 13:30 Rownd A Rownd 14:00 Rownd A Rownd 14:30 The Simpsons: I Love Lisa 14:55 Y Clwb-Pêl Droed 17:00 Teithiau Tramor Iolo 17:30 Y Ty Cymreig 18:00 Newyddion 18:05 Pobol Y Cwm Omnibws 20:00 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 20:30 Cefn Gwlad 21:00 Treflan 22:05 Newyddion 22:15 The First Emperor 00:20 Film: The Blair Witch Project 01:50 Film: Ulee's Gold 03:45 30 Minutes: Walter Wolfgang: Rebel With A Cause

Five Minute Fun

February 20 2006

Page 25

ruiningyourlectures@gairrhydd.com

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Tropical marsh Putrefy Strained Chattels Shrivel up Scavenging carnivore Mysterious Licit Port-au-Prince’s country Wartime nickname of General Eisenhower Large antelope Increase in size or impotance Church tower Ringing sound Country of northeast Africa Lift with difficulty Forge worker

HALL OF SHAME W

hy oh why would you do some of the things that we get sent pictures of?

Needless to say that, although they can’t all be printed, it’s good to see you students looking on the brighter side of life.

Keep’em coming in.

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Military stronghold Give off light or warmth Heartache Evergreen climber Pry Wardrobe pest!

Cold-shoulder Richard Buton’s Nationality Soft cheese origination from north-east France City near the Taj Mahal Most important worker Look closely Underground railway India’s capital Aspiration Squalid dwelling Local authority edict Fellow Balderdash Lightly clean Required little effort

Literally the ‘best breakfast in the world’

Text 07791 165 837

Drinking from a shoe

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The Big Quiz

Green Day Julio Englasias James Blunt Himself

2. Who won the lifetime achievement Brit first?

A: Sting B: The Spice Girls C: Duran Duran

Breaking and entering and rollering

THIS WEEK: BRIT AWARDS 2006 SPECIAL

1. Who, bizarrely, did Flaming Lips singer Wayne Coyne present a Brit to?

A: B: C: D:

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D: Tom Jones 3. Who did the Guardian’s Organ Grinder blog describe as being ‘as good as he actually thinks he is’?

A: B: C: D:

The Blunt Chris Mar tin Prince Kanye (but his plastics still say Kane) West

4.

Who was the only ‘celeb’ to present an award who needed the title of his best work after his name?

Mouldy milkshake

A: Arctic Monkeys (I Bet That You Look Good On t’Dancefloor) B: Chris O’Dowd (The IT Crowd) C: Arcade Fire (Funeral) D: Blunt (Cunt) 5. Richtig oder falsch? Isaac Newton invented the catflap.

answers: 1.C 2. B 3.D 4.B 5. TRUE!

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CROSSWORD

‘Scopes & Jobs

Page 26

February 20 2006

jobs@gairrhydd.com

Helping the needy with Crystal Pants

ARIES - Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 Of all the star signs, the latest research suggests, that Arieans are the ugliest.

Now don’t fret about this. Think about it, that 17lb you put on at Xmas can stay. Don’t worry about getting to the gym, you’re only fighting the stars, and as you clearly won’t win, it’s best to stay at home, stick on Trisha, and see how many chocolate éclairs you can eat in an hour. You know you’ll feel far better doing that, than cramming yourself into a tight lycra number, and looking like a tele-tubby, flubbing around down the gym on the running machine.

TAURUS - Apr. 21 - May 21 This week be aware that most people think you are a bit of a twat. Try not to take it to heart though as the jokes on them and you have the last laugh.

Because it turns out that you are in fact a twat all the time. HAHAHAHA you say as you laugh in the faces of your mockers. The mergence of Neptune in Saturn which tickles Neptune’s lady beard means your toast is done and will go well with strawberry jam. Be warned though avoid the marmalade.

GEMINI - May 22 - Jun 22 This week will be the best week of your life. Until you get a phone call to say you have AIDS. Buckets of it.

Best not touch anyone and remember to wash yourself after touching raw chicken. Financially, you struggle as the last of January’s loan is frittered away on a gift for that special ‘someone’. Why not save money next year and give your partner some of your AIDS? After all you are oozing with it.

CANCER - June 23 - July 23 This week inspiration will strike you, and leave you for dead. The police will do nothing but sit on their arses, eat donuts, drink coffee and scratch their heads. Congratulations, you have pulled the wool over the eyes of the long arm of the law. Not much chance for love this week because your DEAD, remember? Financially this is a good week for you; those boots that you have been lusting after are within your grasp unfortunately it is inspiration wearing them not you.

LEO - July 24 - Aug 23 There is something that we need to talk about. Your face. Its all ….wrong. and has been for some time. I recommend large glasses, false moustache or a jaunty hat. Failing that move to an island of lepers, You will become the lord and master. Remember as the sun rises in your sign to beware the gloved man.

VIRGO - Aug. 24 - Sept. 23 Oh dear. Cheer up, shave that region, and don’t touch those Munch Bunch yoghurts. They don’t like you and won’t for a while. But why bother? I mean, look at you. Pull yourself together and do some work. Maybe some of Gemini’s AIDS will cheer you up. Or have a minstrel. This week is all about decision making as it can go one way or the other for you. What a mess you are. Just remember to slit up the wrist and not across.

LIBRA - Sept. 24 - Oct. 23 This week you will need two wet fish, a loaf of bread, an old leather thong, and a significant amount of butter.

Your tourette’s is playing havoc with your tonsils and your lips are chapped.

Boohoo. Avoid old people and public transport, as you are likely to get arrested. Stay at home with a cup of tea and a penguin until Uranus comes out from behind Pluto. This is unlikely to happen until they’ve stopped playing hide and seek. Love is on the cards for all this week, yes ladies and gents Brucie is back on Challenge.

Enjoy!

SCORPIO - Oct. 24 - Nov. 22 Ooooooooooooooo I see black and bleak stars in your sign this week. It will start of bad with a mucus-ridden cold, get worse mid week with bird flu and end in disaster when you die. At the funeral all will be told of your sick bird fetish fucks and tales of your death will be told at dinner parties for all time. You will become an urban legend. Not one that later becomes a low budget horror film but one in which you come of looking like a twat SHAME ON YOU. Lucky animal: mouse!

SAGITTARIUS - Nov. 23 - Dec. 21 The winter is no place for a Sagittarian. You are a giddy breed; spending most of your days bouncing around like squirrels on acid. But these cold, dark days don’t suit you. No one wants to see you being all happy and excitable, so to avoid a beating, I would tuck yourself up in bed, and spend the next six weeks watching episodes of Will and Grace, just to make sure you have something funny to say come the spring time. Now cheer up you miserable fuck.

CAPRICORN - Dec. 22 - Jan. 20 Well bloody done, another week ahead filled with style, poise and skills.

Watch out midweek though when all signs point to rape. And the end of the week watch out for STI`s. But as I said well done. Another week successfully navigated. Your mystic vegetable is turnip and all the sevens are your lucky number. (Apart from the number 7 bus which is where the afore mentioned rape will take place) AQUARIUS - Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 You will inherit millions this week along with a rather elderly butler named Selwyn. See I told you joining date-an-ageing-millionaire.com was a good idea. Start living the high life by becoming better acquainted with posh cheese and fine wines. You’ll be the poshest bitch on the block in no time.

Unfortunately by the weekend you’ll be under investigation. You will, however be able to get out of it by feigning death. Use your contacts to your advantage, ask Arians to sell you some AIDS. You’ll be able to sell it online and use the money to escape to foreign lands.

PISCES - Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 This week you will invent a new type of pocket cup holder, for use by professional drinkers of water and other cold beverages. You will call it the pocket cup holder for the professional on the go. That will be a mistake. Use those mundane lecture free hours to re-think your get rich quick scheme.

Wednesday will be a good day to bring an asparagus and mange tout sandwich and a nice thermos of Cream of Broccoli soup to your lectures as they will cover up the bad smell of BO that will be following you around until about 13.37 on Friday.

Swydd/Job:

Action Pak Assistants x 10

Swydd/Job:

Telesales Advisors x 8

Ardal/Area:

Cardiff

Ardal/Area:

Cardiff

Tal/Wage:

£6-8 per hour

Tal/Wage:

£6 per hour plus incentive

Oriau/Hours:

Easter & Summer Vacations

Oriau/Hours:

9-15 hours p/w

Parhad/Duration: 8am-6pm Monday-Friday

Parhad/Duration: (5.30-8.30pm)

Manylion/Details: Easter & summer play scheme

Manylion/Details: You will be making pre-arranged

for children aged 4.5-14 years

outbound calls to existing and

requires staff to supervise and

potential customers in order to

assist children in a range of

maximise the sale of insurance

sporting and creative activities.

products.

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

089

Swydd/Job:

Exhibition Person

Ardal/Area:

Cardiff

Tal/Wage:

£50/day + bonus

Oriau/Hours:

All days available (9am-6pm)

Parhad/Duration: Ongoing Manylion/Details: Modern photography company requires 2 people to man promo tional exhibitions. You must be friendly and motivated and have your own transport.

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

087

Rhif Cyf/Ref No:

086

CALLING ALL EXPERIENCED BAR & WAITING STAFF!

Want to earn some extra money?

We have lots of work available during the forthcoming Rugby International weekends (11 & 18 March).

CONTACT UNISTAFF JOBSHOP: 029 20781535 OR COME INTO SEE US: GROUND FLOOR S/U.

UNISTAFF JOBSHOP is a great FREE service for students. We are here to help you find part-time work while you study. Work is available within the University and Students' Union as well as with local companies. You can choose from one-off assignments or more regular part-time work. Once registered with us, you will receive regular free updates of new vacancies as they come in via email. The Jobshop is based on the ground floor of the Students' Union (opening hours 10am-4pm Monday-Friday).

Telephone: 029 20781535, Email: jobshop@cf.ac.uk

Jobs & Money

February 20 2006

Page 27

jobs@gairrhydd.com

Should middle-class students pay more?

As the rising cost of university sees poorer students struggling financially, are middle-class students getting too good a deal on loans they don’t really need? Jobs & Money investigate

A

ccording to the outgoing head of the funding council for Universities, students from a middle-class background ought to pay proper interest rate on their student loans in order to end the “socially regressive” support system.

The current package of loans, topup fees and grants was condemned by fomer head of the Higher Education Funding Council, Sir Howard Newby, as an unsustainable public subsidy of wealth that should be scrapped.

The government already estimates that most students will service a minimum debt of &15,000 He was also concerned that the government was not investing enough

money to attract people from poorer backgrounds to university, and that there was only enough money to fund a few top research universities.

Sir Howard, speaking for the first time since taking hIs post as ViceChancellor of the University of the West of England, commented: “Student support arrangements are socially regressive because middleclass kids can pick up a subsidy on the zero interest rates applied to student loans. The cost of these arrangements are applying a major constraint on the expansion of universities.”

He insisted that it would save up to £600 million a year on public subsidies if middle-class students paid a real rate of interest on student loans.

These comments come ahead of the implementation of the new top-up fee system which is set to be put into practive in september.

While 400,000 students are expected to claim non-repayable grants and bursaries worth up to £300 million, the Government already estimates that most will service a minimum debt of

“Money doctors” to be introduced into universities

MONEY: You don’t have any “MONEY DOCTORS” funded by the Financial Services Authority (FSA) may be introduced into universities across the UK to give individual financial advice to struggling students.

The scheme was set up as a pilot project by Roehampton University last year and has so far helped more than 1,000 students and may now be introduced nationwide.

The money doctors service would provide sessions for students showing them how to improve their budgeting skills and their understanding of money.

Students can also get individual help from money advisors on personal financial problems.

The creator of this project and deputy principal of Southlands College, part of the university in south-west London, Marilyn Holness, said: “We have been overwhelmed by the number of students suffering from financial problems who use the ser vice and even

come back to offer their help.

"Obviously practical help with managing their finances was a gap in our provision."

Dame Deirdre Hutton, the FSA's deputy chairwoman, said: "The Money Doctors pilot project has been vital in taking forward the higher education strand of the national strategy for financial capability."

She said: "Its success at Roehampton indicates that students at all UK universities and colleges will benefit enormously from this kind of ser vice."

Roehampton university and the FSA have been showcasing the Money Doctors project to over 50 higher education institutions who have already expressed an interest in the scheme since its launch last year.

The latest figures on student debt show the average to be now £11,900, compared with only £3,400 a decade ago.

MONEY: You don’t have any £15,000 until their mid-thirties.

Yet, all students can, if they wish, claim loans of up to £6,170 from the Student Loan Company. All undergraduates may apply for 75 per cent of the maximum, while the remaining 25 per cent will depend on income from the family.

Even if students do not need it, financers advise students to get a loan anyway, because, pegged to inflation, it is such a cheap form of borrowing.

Sir Howard suggests that to stop any future wastage in the loans system there should be a single funding body that would replace the Student Loans

Company. This would distribute research funding, as well as the block teaching grant for tuition fees, and bursaries to universities. He added: “Under current levels of investment there are only five or six world class research universities (in Britain).”

Despite the fact that the government has set a target for 50 per cent of 18-30 year olds to be in higher education by the year 2010, the Higher Education Funding Council (Hefce) has agreed to fund just 5,300 extra full-time places for 2005-6. It has threatened to cut funding if any university exceeds the quota.

Higher education minister, Bill Rammel, however, said that future funding arrangments should see an increase in the number of poorer students at university.

“The Government has demonstrated its commitment to widening participation,” he said. “We have ended upfront fees and reintroduced grants for students from poorer backgrounds, while universities are offering generous bursaries to students from lowincome households. From September, students don’t need to pay a penny back until they earn more than £15,000.”

Page 28

s g n i t Lis

Recommended listings@gairrhydd.com

The better than piles (well nearly) gair This Week: US Hip Hop, Big Brother, circus

Circus of Horrors

@ New Theatre Tues. 21 Feb.

7.30pm/ £8 Listings recommends

I

t’s time to taste the fruit of intemperance once again as The Circus of Horrors makes a terrifying trip back to Cardiff.

This new show is packed with new shocks and new blood to add to the established freaks that have become household names – in the Bates Motel, at least!

It will be a blissful burlesque barrage of the bizarre that makes the unbelievable believable.

Those of you brave enough to venture to the New Theatre this week can expect lots of daredevil and downright dangerous circus acts from around the world, all performed with a forked tongue firmly in each cheek.

Join the sweet-natured innocent Ragen as she awakes to find herself in her latest nightmare, deep inside

Kanye West @ C.I.A

Big Brother Auditions @ City Hall

7pm / £32

9am/£Your dignity

Weds. 22 Feb.

Weds. 22 Feb.

Listings recommends Listings recommends

A

merican Hip Hop comes to Cardiff this week in the form of producer - come - performer - come - superstar, Kanye West.

After dropping out of school West began producing for local acts. He gained some fame by producing hit singles for major HipHop/R&B artists, including Alicia Keys, Jay-Z, Janet Jackson, Brandy, Talib Kweli, Hugh "MC Son" Ryan, Ludacris and John Legend.

John Legend of course released his platinum-selling debut album on West’s GOOD (Getting Out Our Dreams) label.

West himself worked on his solo

album for a long period of time, having the release pushed back on multiple occasions.

Although West's music speaks of his own and black America's economic struggle, in actuality West's mother was a distinguished doctor and Kanye was born into a privileged family.

West became a major name in hip-hop production following the release of Jay-Z's criticallyacclaimed album The Blueprint, on which West produced six of the tracks.

Due to his appearance and overall style, West struggled to find a way to get his own voice on record.

Multiple record companies put him aside because he was not a former

February 20 2006

'street hustler' and did not wear the orthodox hip-hop apparel. He was therefore not marketable as an artist portraying the "typical rapper.”

On February 8, 2006, West won three Grammy Awards after being nominated for eight, alongside Mariah Carey and his own protégé, John Legend.

Tickets are still available for the gig, which is a little suprising, so if you’re keen to go then don’t waste any time.

Get out the plastic and spend away.

P ic k e of th k We e

T

ables buckling under the weight of morbidly obese women, bald men impersonating seals, and bearded Scots scaling the walls of houses. It can only mean one thing; The obsurd world of Big Brother is back.

If you fancy shaming yourself infront of the nation (instead of just your housemates), then you may be interested to know that this week, the auditions come to Cardiff.

This may help many of you out with the dilemma of what to do when Uni finishes. Why not become a ‘celebrity’.

Personally the programme puzzles me more and more each time it moulds itself onto the nations TV screens for a few months a year.

the Vampire Vaudeville commonly known as the Circus of Horrors.

Come face to face with oddities, fakirs and sensational circus acts including death defying trapeze artists, witchdoctors, voodoo acrobats and vampires flying through the air suspended only by their hair.

The Circus is presided over by The Undead Ringmaster, Doktor Haze, guiding you through this hellish tale with live devil-driven rock ‘n’ roll by his band, The X Factor.

Experience an uncontrollable cast of burlesque beauties, chaosmongers and some of the world’s greatest, grotesque, most daring and bizarre circus acts, all woven into this gory Alice in Horrorland style story.

It’s bigger & badder than ever and a bloody must for everyone.

The Circus of Horrors is at the New Theatre from Tuesday 21 to Thursday 23 February. Tickets are on sale now with prices varying from £8 and there is a buy one get one free offer for Wednesday and Thursday 5.30pm performances.

For further details about the show or to purchase tickets visit www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk or call the Box Office on 02920 878889.

Don’t hesitate, get yours now and prepare yourself for the fright of your life, here in Cardiff. The Circus of Horrors has arrived.

This years Celebrity Big Brother of course featured a fake ‘celebrity’. No, not Jodie Marsh, but the as loveable as she is thick, Chantelle ‘Travelodge’ Houghton.

All you have to do if you want to be a part of this is to follow these instructions.

At each location, the producers will select the people who stand out in the queues to go through to the next stage. It could be a long day, so please wrap up warm and bring something to eat and drink.

There is no guarantee you'll even make it through the door, but if you do, you'll enter one of our diary rooms, and be asked to sell yourself to Big Brother for one full minute.

You can do or say anything that will make you stand out from the thousands of applicants, to convince Big Brother why the nation will want to watch you over the summer.

Please note, that you must be over eighteen in the summer of 2006 to apply, so you'll need to bring along photo ID (such as a passport or driving licence) as proof of your age and identity. No ID, no entry.

You must also be available in summer 2006 to take part.

Coming Up

Real Ale / Cider Festival - Weds 1 March @ Great Hall .. Jack Johnson - Thurs 2 March @ C.I.A ... X-Factor Tour Live - Sun 5 March @ C.I.A ... The Go! Team - Tues 7 March @ Coal Exchange (Cardiff Bay) ... The Mighty Boosh - Fri 14 April @ St. David’s Hall ... Panic! At The Disco - Weds 19 April @ Students’ Union (Great Hall) ... Arctic Monkeys - Fri 21 April @ Newport Centre ... Dylan Moran - Sun 6 May @ St. David’s Hall ...

Jack Jo hn son

February 20 2006

Day By Day

Page 29

listings@gairrhydd.com

rhydd listings, with Schmit stunts, and Cardiff beating Swansea ....

Monday20/02 Pick Of The Day RAG @ Cardiff University Cardiff Rag societies annual Rag week is running this week and has events taking place all over the Students’ Union. Please support this good cause and get involved.

See the following days listings for details of some of the events that will be running.

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU The usual alternative anthems. 10pm-2am.

Free entry with NUS/£3 otherwise.

X Factory @ The Taf Legendary X-press DJs. 9pm-1am FREE New Noise @ Metros Alternative therapy for the musically depressed. 9pm-2am. £3 before 11pm. And more afterwards, presumably.

Milk @ Moloko DJ Phoenix and friends play nu-jazz, Latin, broken beats, deep house, etc. Occasional chocolate! Check it out. 8pm-2am. Free Stereogum @ The Union Rock, metal, punk and electro. The Union in town that is. 9pm. £2 with flyer.

I-Candy @ Tiger Tiger 5 rooms, 5 bars, 2 dancing rooms, private booths. Tonight: £3/4 NUS. Monday Live @ Buffalo Bar The latest rock and indie tunes. 9pm - 2am. £2/3.

Parked @ The Social (Salisbury Rd) New weekly live indie music night. This weeks acts are Red City / The Jack of Hearts band. 8pm. £2 before 9pm.

Live @ Barfly The Cinematics / The Strand / The Calm.

The Cinematics are the perfect soundtrack to those long, humid, drawn out summer nights. Boasting songs to give you goosebumps and live performances that will leave a lasting imprint, do not miss this. 7.30pm. £5.

Friday24/02

Fat Friday @ Solus, S.U If you go you will drink, and drinking makes you fat. 10pm-2am. £3.50/£3 adv.

RAG @ S.U They’ll be in the Union all day playing games and collecting.

The Dudes Abide @ Clwb Ifor Bach Indie, Retro, Legendary Sounds (downstairs) 10.30pm – 2.30am. £3.50/ £4.

Mad4It! @ Barfly Join Mike TV for the Greatest Indie & Alternative Hits Ever. 10.30pm-2am. £3.

Chaos @ Metros Real rock. Begone cheesy Wednesday saps. £2.50 before 10pm.

Full Fat @ Moloko Cheeky bootlegs to heavy funk, old skool classics, and jump up party breaks. Free entry before 11pm.

Audio Velvet @ Buffalo Bar Weekly party action of new music mixed with beat driven mayhem from the past, present and future. 8pm. £2/3.

Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach The Dudes Abide / Beneath The Surface presents Inner City Pirates / Dirty Looks and Guests. Good, local, harmless, fun with the quality locals, Innercity Pirates (formerly My Red Cell). Get yourselves involved. 7.30pm. £5.

Pick Of The Day Live @ The Barfly iForward,Russia! / iLiKETRAiNS / Samsa.

You really don’t want to miss this. A hugely talented and vibrant band from Leeds. I caught them last year and their live show was nothing short of breathtaking. They personally recommended support band iLIKETRAINS as one of their favourite upcoming bands. Bethan and Huw from Radio 1 will be there and tickets are a meagre £6. I HIGHLY RECCOMMEND this gig for a top night out. 7.30pm. £6.

Tuesday21/02

Comedy Club @ CF10, SU The weekly comedy night in CF10. See the posters around the Union for this weeks line up. 8-11pm.£4 NUS. Live @ Taf As part of Cardiff Rag societies annual Rag week. Bands include Adventure is Dead / Attack and Defend. 10pm.

Soul Motion@Moloko Deep funk, rare soul, Tamla Motown, jazz dance and boogaloo. Boasts a decent dancefloor surface too, which is a must for all that shaking and baking you’ll be doing.

7pm-2am. Free.

Rock Inferno @ Clwb Ifor Bach Once upon a time... (No, that's not right) A long time ago, in a galaxy... (That's not right either) Many years ago (somewhere in 198?), Cardiff University Rock Society started a small rock disco... 9pm. £2.50 Forecast @ Buffalo Bar Forecast Presents: Jack Rose / Chris Corsano. Chris delivers an extraordinary solo drum show which incorporates jazz and rock styles in a remarkable flow of free improvisation. 8pm. £6.

Pick Of The Day Live @ Barfly Two Gallants / Lone Pine / Matthew Hitt.

Bringing an infusion of bloody-knuckled punk energy to storytelling epics and tearin-your-beer honky-tonk, the two musicians of Two Gallants had the balls to name themselves after a short story by James Joyce, and they back up their hubris by crafting a surprisingly original sound out of their timeworn influences.

Circus of Horrors @ New Theatre If you wish to know more about this event then please see the facing page for further details regarding these events.

Saturday25/02

Come Play @ Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room. TRAFFIC (dj and clubbing socitey) playing house music in the other. 10pm. £3.50.

Blueprint @ Moloko Retro disco, future house, disco roots. Ends at 2am, drinks promo all night. Free before 10pm.Latin in the Xpress Lounge. 10pm-2am. £3.50 Fly Swatter @ Barfly All the best alternative music from yesteryear lined up with current dance floor fillers to make your weekend throb with brilliance.10.30pm. £3 NUS. Hellbent! @ The Model Inn, Quay Street The only city centre rock night on a Saturday.

9pm - 2am.

Delinquent @ Metros Alternative and new music. 9pm-3am. Free with flyer before 10pm/£4.

Clwb Cariad @ Clwb Ifor Bach Contemporary Welsh Sounds (downstairs) £4/3 10pm – 2.30am.

Pick Of The Day The Operababes @ St. David’s Hall Sopranos Karen England and Rebecca Knight - one minute they were busking in Covent Garden, the next they were booked for the FA Cup final! They either convert or confound the purists. Hot women with a great aural capacity. 7.30pm. £16.

Live @ Barfly The Jamm / The Paul Weller ConneXion. As Bruce Foxton said after seeing them at Guildford in '97, "They are true to the original sound of The Jam", praise later backed up

by Rick Buckler who gave them 9/10 when they played at the launch of the official Jam web site. Using the same instruments, sound gear, dark suits and ties, they recreate the punk era feel but play material through the years. 7pm. £10.

Wednesday22/02 Pick Of The Day Varsity @ Brewery Field (Bridgend) This years university sporting extravaganza between Cardiff and rivals Swansea. Tickets are available from the Union. Xpress Radio will be reporting all day online at www.xpressradio.co.uk.

Bus leaves Senghenydd Rd at 4.30pm (£4 etxra).£6.

Rubber Duck @ Solus, SU Varsity afterparty. Come and celebrate Cardiff crushing Swansea. 10pm. £3.

Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach The Popscene mob run riot with a splattering of guile, style and the best new music: aucous 'indie' and the like, heavily laden with guitars throughout. 9.30pm. £3.

Traffic @ Philharmonic Cardiff’s dj and clubbing society takes over the decks, playing house music until 1 in the morning. 9pm.

Panic @ Barfly The very latest and great Indie hits. A brand spanking new FREE ENTRY clubnight.

10.30pm.

Eay the DJ @ Buffalo Bar Resident DJs. FREE. Roots Hall @ Moloko Resident DJs / Phoenix Emily / DJ Truth. 8pm.

FREE. Live @ C.I.A Kanye West. See the facing page for further details regarding this event.

Big Brother Auditions Let the madness commence. Fancy being the next Jade Goody? See facing page for further details.

Jazz @Cafe Jazz (21 St Mary Street) Cardiff Student Jazz Society presents…

Monkwise [plus special guests]. Cardiff’s most exciting new jazz trio perform music by Monk, Strauss, Cohen, Chaplin, Corea and others. £3 (£2 Cardiff Student Jazz Society). Music starts at 8.45pm.

Sunday26/02

Cleverdick Quiz @ The Taf, SU They provide the questions, you provide the answers. In my case, the wrong ones.

MedClub Quiz @ MedBar, Heath Site The same. 8pm.

Pub Quiz @ Woodville Yet another Sunday night quiz to ponder over. 7pm.

Acoustic Night @ Moloko 7pm-2am. £1.

Open Mic @ Buffalo Bar Live acoustic acts, songwriters, bands and performers every week. 8pm. £2.

Live @ Barfly Howling Bells / El Goodo / Eftiem. owling Bells possess a sound reminiscent of another town, another time. They'll take you to a place far eerier than Twin Peaks. They'll spirit you to the abandoned Old West, to a town shrouded in snowfall, illuminated by campfire. In this town the beguiling melodies of this five-piece will reel and roll about your head like desire and anticipation - the twin themes of their forthcoming debut album.

Pick Of The Day Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach Grab Promotions Presents..Kids In Her Words Kill / The Blackout / Anemic. Kids In Her Words Kill have recently been concentrating on raising their profile with a string of UK dates. The band have recently released their long-awaited debut album titled 'Load My Revolver Baby' out on You Me Records. With their unique take on the emerging hardcore scene, they mix the passion and intensity of metalcore with their own ear for ambient & epic melodic sections. Her Words Kill are on the edge of something special. 7.30pm. £5.

The Fourth Chair @ The Social Some great improvised comedy.7.30pm. £FREE.

Thursday23/02

The Daily Telegraph Quiz @ Grad Bar All entry fees donated to RAG. 7.30pm Livewire @ Barfly Firing up every metal cylinder, punk piston, and hardcore hardrive. Good music, no dress code, and idiot free... Did I mention its FREE ENTRY Cheapskates @ Metros Now on Thursday nights. Alternative & cheese.

Does exactly what it say on the tin, with drinks being cheaper than a bag of McCains. Double and a mixer cost 99p. 9pm-2am.

Aperture @ Moloko Resident DJs / High Contrast / True Meaning / Specific / DJ Focus / DJ Haze / DJ Cujo / Carnage / Fresco / West One. 8pm. FREE before 11pm.

Clubnight @ La Tropicana Hip Hop and R & B student night. 10pm.

Cookie Puss @ Buffalo Bar The real deal mix of non re-issue funk 45s, soul melodies, afro, freakbeat and a nice bit of jazz.

9pm. £2/3.

Loco @ La Tantra Open until 4am.

Raise the Roof @ Journeys New and local live music - different genres each week.

Live @ Blues Dragon Club at Gower Hotel Pick Of The Day Live @ Clwb Ifor Bach Peter and The Test Tube Babies / Beerzone / Demob. Make no mistake, Peter and the Test Tube Babies have written some of the best punk songs ever, all whilst maintaining a great sense of humour. Doors 8pm - £8 advance. 8pm £8.

Smokey Smothers and the Mellow Fellows.

8.30pm. £3.

Battle of the Bands @ Talybont Social Run by the LMS and it wiill be running over the next 5 weeks.

VENUES Students’ Union, Park Place 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Moloko, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

Sport

February 20 2006

Page 31

sport@gairrhydd.com

OAR-SOME PERFORMANCE

By Refaat Malki Sport Reporter

DESPITE MISSING some of their regular players, two Cardiff teams put on a good performance in Division Two of the Welsh Canoe Polo League.

The men’s team won a total of two games, while the ladies competed valiantly and were unlucky not to win a game.

In their first match, the men’s team made a sluggish start as opponents Tawe raced into a 2-0 lead. But Mark Miles reduced the deficit moments before the interval, which gave Cardiff hope.

This lifeline lifted the Cardiff spirits and sparked an astonishing secondhalf recovery. After scoring a further four goals, the Cardiff Men cruised to a 5-2 victory.

Unfortunately the Men were defeated in their next match. Despite creating numerous attempts on goal, opponents Aberfan won a tight encounter.

The Men recorded their second victory against the Ladies in an allCardiff clash. After holding the majority of possession throughout proceedings, the Ladies failed to trouble the

Men’s keeper with enough goal attempts.

The final score was 2-1, and Ladies goalkeeper Ruth Warfield deserved credit for an excellent performance.

The last match for the men’s team saw them facing Croesyceiliog and despite Owen Lewis’ two goals, they lost the match 5-2.

Conversely, the Ladies struggled against Croesyceilog after conceding a total of seven goals. But a brilliant goal from Leigh du Plessis raised a loud roar from the crowd and overshadowed the one-sided result to an extent.

In their next match against Tawe, the Ladies were once again defeated 71. But all was not bleak as Kasia Lisowski’s strategic shot caught the opposing goalkeeper napping.

Regretfully the Ladies failed to score in their next match which resulted in a 6-0 reverse.

Although some matches were lost heavily by Cardiff, the teams were picked at short-notice and inexperienced players took part.

Hopefully this experience will act as a learning curve which could help Cardiff become stronger in future matches.

SWEET VICTORY CARDIFF 18 GLOUCESTERSHIRE 6

By Jon Berridge Chief Rugby Reporter CARDIFF completed their BUSA league season with a hard-fought victory over Gloucestershire.

Moreover, Cardiff’s sixth consecutive victory is a good omen for their upcoming Varsity showdown with Swansea on Wednesday.

The match was played at Tredegar Park after Llanrumney was waterlogged. Poor playing conditions contributed to a scrappy first half with Gloucestershire leading 6-3 through a penalty and a drop goal.

Cardiff failed to take advantage of the strong wind behind them in the first half. Gloucestershire deserved their lead and were particularly dangerous from their driving maul.

Scrum-half Tom Eastham contributed the Cardiff points through a penalty. Cardiff’s indifferent start was emphasised by a sin binning to full-back Matt Hopper following a high tackle.

Tom Eastham levelled matters early in the second half with a penalty. Gradually Cardiff began to play with greater fluency and were rewarded with a try through blind-side flanker James Cole, following a forward drive from a lineout. Tom Eastham missed the resulting conversion with the lead just 11-6.

With ten minutes to go Cardiff made sure of the win with another try through fly-half Sam Burford, who charged down a

clearance kick to score his first BUSA try of the season. Tom Eastham converted the try to give Cardiff an 18-6 win.

Cardiff coach Martyn Fowler was satisfied with the victory and said, “It took sixty minutes for us to wake up and realise we could win this match. They were the better side and only a strong work ethic and good defence stopped us from losing.

“Gloucestershire didn’t deserve to go down and played like a better side than Swansea.”

The Cardiff forwards put in a stirring performance and once again the lineout was very efficient. Former captain Owain Griffith returned to the team from injury as a replacement and made an immediate impact.

However, the Cardiff victory was in vain as Oxford secured the league title. After Marjons failed to assemble a team for their match against Oxford, the league was won thanks to a walkover.

CARDIFF LINEUP M Hopper, T Herbert, G Hobbs, Rosser, J Walder, S Burford, Eastham (T Issacs) A Mason, Fowler, B Raison, B Sidgwick, Frampton (A Price), J Cole, Hocking, T Norris (O Griffith)

CARDIFF SCORERS TRIES: J Cole, S Burford CONS: T Eastham PENS: T Eastham (2)

S T A A T

THAT’S MY BALL: Cardiff’s Canoe Polo Team battle it out in Aberdare last Wednesday

VARSITY PULL-OUT FREE INSIDE Centre Pages

IMG: Rugby tables and fixtures, join us for the IMG breakfast Page 30

CANOE POLO: Results from the Aberdare tournament Page 31

gair rhydd

Sport

SECOND I N SIGHT

Carbs A climb to second in Premiership following superb second-half display

By Dave Menon IMG Sport Editor PULSES were racing throughout as Carbs A secured a memorable 12-7 Premiership victory over rivals Socsi A last Wednesday.

After a frenetic first half where goals flew in at both ends, Carbs gained tenacity in defence, increased the speed of their passing and capped a dazzling performance with some clinical finishing.

Carbs Centre Kate Fletcher was delighted with the result and said “We would be ecstatic if we finish second in the Premiership

after only reaching Division One last season”.

After trailing 6-5 at half-time, Socsi lost their stranglehold of possession which was evident in the first half.

Moreover, Socsi looked less dangerous as Carbs Goal-Keeper Laura Phillips and Goal-Defence Alice Brett raised their game and intercepted a number of passes.

As a result, a rampant Carbs scored six times without reply and extended their lead to an unassailable 12-5.

A spirited Socsi refused to give up and their efforts were rewarded when Goal-Shooter Louise Preston and Goal-Attack Laura Stevens bagged a goal each late on.

Nevertheless, despite Carbs' dominance in the second half, Socsi emerged as the stronger side in the early exchanges.

Preston opened the scoring for Socsi and after Carbs Goal-Attack Anna Curtis equalised, Stevens restored their advantage and made the score 2-1.

But the tables were soon turned as two more goals from the lively Curtis put Carbs in front for the first time.

However, the Carbs lead was shortlived as Socsi immediately hit back.

Subsequently both sides cancelled each other out again with a strike at both ends, and Curtis scored a sixth for Carbs moments before the interval.

As Cardiff A won for the fifth consecutive time, Carbs A still lie three points behind in second place.

Socsi slipped to fourth as Cardiff B beat Law B 10-2. A match report can be found on the Full IMG Breakfast.

More IMG coverage: Page 30

GAIR RHYDD AND QUENCH MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED BY UNIVERSITY UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN ! REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE ! GAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS ! THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS ! THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF UNIVERSITY !" HANDS UP IF YOU DON’T LIKE QUASI-LIBERAL, SANDAL-WEARING, PINKO, BANDWAGON-JUMPING, HYPOCRITICAL, STRONGBOW SOCIALIST, GOATEE-SPORTING, NHS SPECS-WEARING, MOCK-OFFENDED, EISENSTEIN-WATCHING, GALLOWAY-VOTING, TROTSKYITE, GINSOAKED GUARDIAN LUVVIES. CUNT OFF !" RIDLER AND LONG - THE NEW LEWIS AND RABJOHNS !" OXFORD - IT’S ON NOW BITCHES !" AND YOU LEEDS !" WE’RE GOING TO GET BOOED AREN’T WE? !" BEST PAPER! !" PIERS

When two tribes go to war

Your comprehensive 12-page guide to Varsity

Varsity Special

February 20 2006

Varsity Guide Page 3

sport@gairrhydd.com

AU PRESIDENT’S

COLUMN

By Lisa Gwinnett

Welcome to Varsity...

Your essential guide to the Varsity Shield 2006

By Tim Lewis & Ed Jones Sports Editors IT’S HERE AT LAST. Anyone who has been to Varsity before will know that it is a day of your university life that will not be forgotten.

The men’s rugby match against Swansea is the showpiece contest but the Varsity shield is a University effort.

Twenty fixtures will take place across a range of sports as we battle it out with local rivals Swansea

University for the Varsity Shield and a place in university sporting history.

Cardiff will be looking to retain the shield in the same emphatic fashion as it was won last year.

This guide will give you everything you need to know about this year’s men’s rugby at the Brewery field as well as the fixtures for all of the day’s sport.

Jon Berridge has followed the 1st XV home and away this season and gives his insider’s opinion on Cardiff’s key players and the season so far.

to help you through the match.

If you’re in need of inspiration for the big game, turn to the back of the pullout to read some of the most inspiring quotes from the greatest sports people on earth.

To prove it’s not all taken that too seriously, Paul Hunt provides his rugby alternative to the Ten Commandments.

We would like to thank every contributor for their hard work in making this supplement possible.

Varsity 2006 Fixture List

CONTENTS Introduction Team photos

3

Player profiles Season review

5

Interviews Inspirational quotes Jargon-buster

8

4

6

10 11

Edited by Ed Jones & Tim Lewis Photos by Adam Gasson Contributions from Jon Berridge, Paul Hunt and George Pawley

Take a look at our exclusive interview with head of rugby Martyn Fowler as he gives his thoughts on Cardiff’s performance this season and his predictions for the big game.

If this is your first Varsity it may all seem a little scary. So we bring you a guide to the Varsity essentials - a look at everything you need to ensure you have the perfect Varsity experience through day and night.

For those of you that find rugby a bit complicated, George Pawley has put together his jargon-busting guide

Varsity Fixture

Venue

Start time

Men’s Rugby

Bridgend RFC

7.30pm

Women's Rugby

Bridgend RFC

3.00pm

Men's football

Sketty sports centre 2.00pm

Women's football

Fairwood

Men's Hockey

Sketty sports centre 2.30pm

Women's Hockey

Sketty sports centre 1.00pm

Netball

Sketty sports centre 12.00pm

Men's badminton

Sketty sports centre 12.30pm

2.00pm

Ladies’ badminton Sketty sports centre 12.30pm Men's squash

Sketty sports centre 1.00pm

Ladies’ squash

Sketty sports centre 1.00pm

Mixed lacrosse

Fairwood

2.00pm

Men's tennis

Morfa

12.00pm

Ladies’ tennis

Morfa

12.00pm

Golf

Clyne golf course

12.00pm

Sailing

n/a

n/a

Men's basketball

Sketty sports centre 2.30pm

Ladies basketball

Sketty sports centre 4.30pm

Men's fencing

Pavillion

1.00pm

Ladies fencing

Pavillion

2.30pm

‘VARSITY 2006’ – the thought brings not only anticipation and excitement to mind, but also a great sense of Cardiff pride. To say I am a fan of Varsity would be an understatement. Three years ago as a Fresher I was dragged along to the Varsity rugby match with the promise that I would experience a night I would never forget.

To be honest, the word ‘exaggeration’ sprang to mind when this promise was made to me, never did I expect or prepare myself for that cold February night where my love for Varsity would begin.

Varsity is a jam packed day of sporting fixtures against Swansea in 20 sports. During the day our sports teams compete for the Varsity shield, where points for each win are combined to determine which university will claim the shield.

The pinnacle of the day is men’s rugby match, which will again be held at the Brewery Field, Bridgend with a kick off at 7.30pm.

I cannot pinpoint what I love about the Varsity match - it’s the whole package; the coach ride down to Bridgend, the atmosphere, the banter with Swansea, the Cardiff pride, the Big Band, the cheerleaders, the drinks, watching the game (or rather pretending I know what is going on) and cheering as much as I possibly can.

Varsity has it all and each year my passion for the event has grown and I am 100% certain that this passion will be shared with everyone on the night, along with an enormous sense of University Pride. Whether competing on the day or cheering on Cardiff, to me, seeing the presence of every person at Brewery Field in red is priceless.

Last year Swansea beat Cardiff at the varsity match but Cardiff dominated the day’s fixtures to claim the Shield for the third consecutive year.

On Wednesday the slate is wiped clean, history has no bearing and everything is up for the taking. This really is a matter of pride and I encourage everybody to get behind Cardiff on the day. If that isn’t a big enough incentive for you, all the proceeds of the event are donated to charity (the Welsh Rugby Charitable Trust).

I would like to take this opportunity to welcome onboard our new title sponsor CMS Cameron McKenna. Without their support the magnitude of this event would not have been possible. All it leaves for me to say is “Go Cardiff”, good luck to all of those competing and a massive ‘Thank You’ to everybody in advance who is heading down to Brewery Field to support Cardiff.

Come on Cardiff!!

Page 4

Cardiff v Swansea

February 20 2006

sport@gairrhydd.com

Cardiff

Back Row from Left to Right: Tom Eastman - Adrian Ford - Dan Hopkins - Alex Huntley - Tim Norris - Aled Mason - Ali Price - Adam Frampton - Owain Griffiths - Ben Sidgewick - James Corless - Emyr James - James Cole - Tom Bowles - Sam Burford - Aled Richards Front Row From Left to Right: Fraser Watson - Dave Lewis - Tom Herbert - Tom Isaacs - Martyn Fowler (Head of Rugby) - Tom Hocking (Capt) - Matt Hopper - Geoff Hobbs - Simon Rosser - Dan Pollard - Aaron Fowler

Swansea

Player Profiles

February 20 2006

Varsity Guide Page 5

sport@gairrhydd.com

Name: Aaron Fowler Course: Law Age: 18 Position: Hooker Person most admired: Keith Wood Break ups: Face to Face Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Adam Frampton Course: Chemistry Age: 19 Position: Second Row Person most admired: Gareth Llewellyn Break ups: Text message Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Adrian Ford Course: History Age: 20 Position: Prop Person most admired: Gethin Jenkins Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Aled Mason Course: Economics Age: 19 Position: Prop Person most admired: Craig Dowd Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Aled Richards Course: History Age: 20 Position: Prop Person most admired: Bobby Windsor Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Alex Huntley Course: Law Age: 20 Position: Centre Person most admired: Lawrence Dallalghio Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Ali Price Course: Zoology Age: 19 Position: Second Row Person most admired: Andrew Flintoff Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Ben Sidgewick Course: LPC Age:22 Position: Second Row Person most admired: Martin Johnson Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Brad Raison Course: Optometry Age: 22 Position: Prop Person most admired: Martin Johnson Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Dan Hopkins Course: Centre Age: 20 Position: Physiology Person most admired: Neil Jenkins Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Dan Pollard Course: Pyschology Age: 22 Position: Wing Person most admired: Daniel Carter Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Dave Lewis Course: Physiology Age: 20 Position: Scrum Half Person most admired: Gareth Edwards Break ups: Face to Face Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Emyr James Course: Engineering Age: 19 Position: Flanker Person most admired: Lance Armstrong Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Fraser Watson Course: English Lit Age: 22 Position: Wing Person most admired: Lance Armstrong Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Geoff Hobbs Course: Biology PHD Age: 23 Position: Centre Person most admired: Ali Break ups: Face to Face Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: James Cole Course: Broadcasting Age: 21 Position: Flanker Person most admired: Jennifer Aniston Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: James Corless Course: Engineering Age: 21 Position: Number 8 Person most admired: Martin Johnson Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Jon Walder Course: Business Admin Age: 22 Position: Wing Person most admired: Denzel Washington Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Matt Hopper Course: Criminology Age: 21 Position: Full Back Person most admired: Tom Hocking Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Owain Griffiths Course: Law Age: 21 Position: Number 8 Person most admired: My Mother Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Sam Burford Course: Economics Age: 21 Position: 10/Centre Person most admired: Nelson Mandela Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Simon Rosser Course: Physiotherapy Age: 21 Position: Centre Person most admired: Tana Umaga Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Steffan Edwards Course: LPC Age: 25 Position: Flanker Person most admired: Gareth Edwards Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Tim Norris Course: Politics Age: 21 Position: Number 8 Person most admired: Martin Corry Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Tom Bowles Course: Archeology Age: 20 Position: Centre/Wing Person most admired: Jonah Lomu Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Tom Eastham Course: Politics Age: 21 Position: Scrum Half Person most admired: Matt Dawson Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Tom Evans Course: Medicine Age: 22 Position: Second Row Person most admired: John Eales Break ups: Face to Face Tits or Arse man: Tits

Name: Tom Herbert Course: Biotechnology Age: 22 Position: Wing/Full back Person most admired: My late grandad Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Tom Hocking Course: Engineering Age: 21 Position: Number 8 Person most admired: Richie McCaw Break ups: Text Tits or Arse man: Arse

Name: Tom Isaacs Course: Engineering Age: 19 Position: Scrum Half Person most admired: Rob Howley Break ups: Phone Tits or Arse man: Tits

Season 05/06

Varsity Guide Page 6

Varsity Guide Page 7

sport@gairrhydd.com

BUSA 05/06: THE CAMPAIGN 2006 has seen Cardiff earn a place in the BUSA Premier Division. Photographer Adam Gasson and Chief Rugby Reporter Jon Berridge take your through the season.

February 15 2006 Cardiff 18 Gloucestershire 6 CARDIFF COMPLETED their BUSA league season with a difficult victory over Gloucestershire.

Poor playing conditions contributed to a scrappy first half with Gloucestershire leading 6-3 through a penalty and a drop goal. Scrum-half Tom Eastham contributed the Cardiff points through a penalty. Cardiff’s indifferent start was emphasised by the sin-binning of full-back Matt Hopper following a high tackle. Tom Eastham levelled matters early in the second half with a penalty. Cardiff began to play with greater fluency and were rewarded with a try through flanker James Cole after a forward drive from a lineout. Tom Eastham missed the resulting conversion with the lead just 11-6. With ten minutes to go Cardiff made sure of the win with another try through fly-half Sam Burford, who charged down a clearance kick to score. Tom Eastham converted the try to give Cardiff an 18-6 win. Unfortunately, a sixth successive victory would not be enough to secure the league title as Oxford were awarded a walkover after Marjons failed to get a team together.

November 16 2005 Gloucestershire 13 Cardiff 24

OCTOBER 19 2005 Cardiff 32 Marjons 3 CARDIFF KICKED off their BUSA campaign with a commanding display as they ran in four tries against Marjons.

Having lost to Marjons twice last season, Cardiff sent a message of intent to the league rivals. Centre Tom Bowls, prop Brad Raison, wing Dan Pollard and Tom Hocking scored the tries with fly-half Tom Eastham contributing twelve points.

Iain Dick revelled in playing number eight and frequently broke through the Marjons defence creating opportunities for the backs. The curse of the number thirteen jersey struck again though with an injury to Tom Bowls that ruled him out until November.

November 9 2005 Oxford Greyhounds 36 Cardiff 26

November 2 2005 Cardiff 16 Oxford Brookes 10 October 26 2005 UW Swansea 11 Cardiff 7 SWANSEA PROLONGED their run of victories against Cardiff.

Perhaps the memory of the Varsity defeat lingered in some of the players’ minds. The match was intense and scrappy with late tackles, knock-ons and off-the-ball confrontations between opposition players in abundance. Swansea led 6-0 at half time through a drop-goal and a penalty.

Matters for the visitors worsened with full-back Matt Hopper being sinbinned for a late tackle. Hopper redeemed himself late in the game with a try following a delightful pass from fly-half Sam Burford. Dan Pollard sent the difficult conversion through the posts to give Cardiff a one-point lead with less then ten minutes to go. Swansea pressed forward and scored a try in the corner following a series of slick passes. With a mere four-point lead Cardiff poured forward in search of a winning try but Swansea held on for victory and drew first blood.

CARDIFF GOT back to winning ways with a hard-fought victory over a powerful Oxford Brookes side.

Cardiff fly-half Tom Eastham displayed deadeye goal kicking and contributed a vital eleven points through three penalties and a conversion. Matt Hopper scored the only Cardiff try after bursting through the Brookes defence. Finding themselves 16-3 down, Brookes pressed forward and scored a try just before half time through a driving maul. The scores remained the same in the second half as both teams pushed for further points in vain.

THIS WAS undoubtedly the most entertaining match of the season.

The signs looked ominous for Cardiff as Oxford raced to a 19-0 lead after only twenty minutes. Matters were worsened as inspirational number eight Iain Dick and lock Tom Morrison had to leave the field through injury. A thrashing seemed to be a certainty but Cardiff fought back impressively. Within ten minutes fullback Matt Hooper scored two tries to bring the deficit to five points. Both sets of backs tore holes into the opposing defences in a brilliant exhibition of free-flowing rugby.

Crucially Oxford scored a further three tries to put the game beyond the visitors before a late Cardiff rally.

Tom Eastham switched to scrum-half and Sam Burford moved to fly-half from centre. The changes contributed to two late Cardiff tries. Matt Hopper completed a memorable hat-trick and replacement Pete Salmon scored in the corner.

CARDIFF COMPLETED their first away win of the season in an impressive display.

Cardiff responded to an early Gloucestershire try through a try from wing Jon Walder. Gloucestershire hit back with a penalty to obtain a slender 8-7 half-time lead. In the second half the Cardiff pack put in a more commanding display and subsequently dominated at the set pieces. After regaining the lead through a Tom Eastham penalty Cardiff put the game beyond the hosts with two wellworked tries. An initial break from Jon Walder led to versatile wing Dan Pollard finishing clinically in the corner following a sublime pass from number eight Owain Griffith. Cardiff again pressed forward. Dan Pollard released Jon Walder who sped to the line for his second try to conclude an impressive all-round performance by the team.

November 30 2005 Cardiff 25 UW Swansea 10

November 23 2005 Marjons 3 Cardiff 39 CARDIFF RAN in five tries as they tore apart a hapless Marjons team.

An early try from Dan Pollard helped Cardiff to a 10-3 half-time lead. In the second half Cardiff’s superior conditioning showed as the backs frequently broke through the Marjons defence. The match was won up front with the forwards again dominating around the fringes and in the set pieces. Marjons lost an incredible four out of their nine scrums. Cardiff lock Adam Frampton scored his first BUSA try for Cardiff following a forward drive from a lineout. In the last five minutes the floodgates truly opened following a straight red card for the Marjons outside-centre. Matt Hopper continued his blistering form, finishing off a move started from the Cardiff twenty-two. Tom Herbert and Dan Pollard added further tries again from well orchestrated moves by the backs.

THE DRESS rehearsal of the Varsity match produced the right result from a Cardiff perspective as the home side’s great rivals were swept aside following an adrenaline-fuelled performance.

Cardiff began in determined fashion with Alex Huntley scoring a try after following up his own grubber kick. The Swansea lineout was a shambles as they proceeded to lose possession from eight of their own throws. Cardiff increased their lead to 14-3 following an offload from Geoff Hobbs. Tom Herbert raced on to score. In a determined display by the home team, replacement lock Ally Price added a third try late on to seal an important win in terms of both the league and for the Varsity.

December 7 2005 Oxford Brookes 12 Cardiff 20 IN COLD conditions Cardiff completed a difficult victory against an imposing Brookes team.

The Brookes pack gave the Cardiff forwards possibly their sternest test of the season. Following some of the recent free-flowing displays by Cardiff this was a match of hard graft Rugby with big hits and strong defence from both sides. Brookes led 7-3 nearing half time but Cardiff took the lead after fly-half Sam Burford released the lively Tom Herbert to score. Early in the second half the Cardiff backs left hearts in mouths as they decided to run a penalty from inside their own twenty-two.

Fortunately the gamble paid off. The Brookes defence was ripped apart as Jon Walder proceeded to sprint to the try line from within his own half leaving a trail of Brookes players on the floor. Arguably it was the try of the season and certainly the most audacious. Brookes, in front of a large partisan crowd, pressed forward and scored a try in the corner to bring themselves just three points behind Cardiff. In a frantic finale, Cardiff scored another try through Geoff Hobbs to make the score 20-12. Again Brookes pushed forward but Cardiff hung on for a vital win.

February 8 2006 Cardiff 26 Oxford Greyhounds 17 CARDIFF PREVAILED in the top-ofthe-table clash with a brilliant first half attacking display.

It was Oxford however, who took the lead with an early try. Tom Herbert continued his rich vein of form with a try after he followed up an awkward bouncing ball to level the scores. Cardiff continued to press forward and were rewarded with three further tries, two from centre Alex Huntley and one from scrum-half Tom Eastham. With the sore 26-7 at half time Oxford came back strongly in the second half and scored two further tries from wing Tom Maynard and lock Tom Hucknall. It could have been more but for resolute Cardiff defence. Cardiff defended heroically and secured a place in the BUSA championship. If Oxford lost one of their last two matches and Cardiff beat Gloucestershire then the league title would be coming home.

Interviews

Varisty Guide Page 8

February 20 2006

sport@gairrhydd.com

MAN FOR THE JOB

Chief rugby reporter Jon Berridge chats to Cardiff Head Coach Martyn Fowler about the team’s performance this season and looks ahead to the Varsity clash with Swansea YOU FINISHED second in the league with the best points difference and most points for. Has this surpassed your expectations?

That’s massive [those statistics]. It shows we’ve finished better than everyone else and we’ve been great in attack and defence.

I was obviously hoping for success. Our squad was probably the youngest in the season. Aled Mason, Adam Frampton, Aaron Fowler and Tom Issacs are all freshers who have made an impact.

Their development bodes well for future seasons. I would have taken a place in the BUSA championship at the start of the season.

Midway through the season Cardiff had won two out of four.

You’ve gone on to win six league games in the row since. What has turned the season around?

The whole squad from one to thirty has expressed a never-say-die attitude. We’ve made Llanrumney something of a fortress as we’re unbeaten there this year. We have also taken one game at a time.

For example, yesterday [against Gloucestershire] the Varsity wasn’t on anyone’s mind. League success means just as much to the team as Varsity. That doesn’t mean we won’t be going all out at the Varsity but it is just another game.

Our league position indicates we’re a better side then Swansea, regardless of the result at the Varsity.

The most satisfying win of the season was the Swansea league victory.

We destroyed a much heavier and older side.

No Cardiff student can have possibly escaped the Varsity fever that has engulfed the University.

Everywhere I go I see Tom Hocking the Cardiff Rugby Captain posing with the other Cardiff skippers. It’s almost surreal that I’ll be watching the Rugby team with a massive crowd behind them.

Normally at Llanrumney a couple of dozen people watch the games. I have been privileged enough to have watched all of the Cardiff BUSA matches this year both home and away.

I’ve witnessed some compelling matches and I’m sure the Varsity will live up to its incredible hype.

Cardiff possesses great strength in depth in the backs division. Tom Eastham, Dave Lewis and Tom Issacs have been competing for the scrumhalf berth, with Eastham the first choice. Sam Burford is a certainty at fly-half having started every BUSA match this season. Cardiff coach Martyn Fowler also has considerable options in the midfield and on the wings.

FOWLER: Top Man We should not be judged as a team on the Varsity game. League results are nationally recognised.

How disappointing was it that the league ended with Oxford being awarded a walkover after Marjons failed to get a team together and the former thus being champions?

Oxford’s performances were probably consistent enough to merit their final league position. However, it’s not the way to win a league title, it takes the gloss off it. Oxford will have probably got the strength in

depth to compete in Premier A. Oxford said we were the best opposition they had faced this season.

Marjons must have given up, but its disrespectful of other teams.

Have you got a message for the Cardiff supporters?

Don’t underestimate the power of a strong partisan crowd. In previous Varsity matches we have been out shouted by Swansea, lets put that right this season.

Buy a ticket from the AU office and help us win the battle of the crowds.

match.

“It’s going to be an awesome event; the coaches have been saying to us that this match could be the highest standard we will ever play; it’s certainly the biggest match of my career so far.

In the matches against Swansea this season, the 1st XV lost away 11 7 but won at home 25 - 10. “Swansea

are a strong team, but in the first game against them we lacked discipline which is why we lost. In the second game against them we dominated and deserved to win; hopefully that will be what happens down at Bridgend.”

An injury to his AC joint against Swansea before Christmas had risked Aled’s participation this year’s Varsity, but he assures us that without any problems he will be available for selection next week: “I’ve been working back to fitness and should hopefully make the side, it would be nice to get a bit of revenge.”

Being a Swansea lad, I had to check that there would be no mixed allegiances playing against the side from his home town, however; “Definitely not! I just want to get stuck in against them.”

Finally, no interview before a big match would be complete without the obliogatory score prediction: “It is definitely going to be a close match but we are a great side with some good players and I reckon we will win something like 17 - 13. As long as it’s a win, it doesn’t matter what the score is!”

THE INSIDER’S VIEW

By George Pawley Sport Reporter AS ONE of the few freshers who has made it into this year’s Varsity squad, Aled Mason can provide a good insight into the squad ahead of Varsity and how he is progressing in his first year of BUSA rugby.

As well as being new to the University rugby union scene, Al plays in one of the toughest positions on the pitch; in the front row, as a prop. So how has the season been going for him?

“It’s been going really well; after our win against Gloucestershire we have won eight from 10 which speaks for itself, and it has definitely been a step up in standard from the rugby in college.

The start of the season was challenging, especially in the warm up matches against Bath and in the league against Oxford who are both very good sides, but we have competed well all year.”

Turning to the Varsity match, obviously with such a big rivalry been the two sides, and a history of bruising matches, Al is expecting a great

FRESHER: Chubby-faced

This year Cardiff possess great strength and depth in the back division The return of Simon Rosser, the form of Alex Huntley and Geoff Hobbs, plus Daniel Hopkins and Tom Bowls give Fowler a headache for his centre pairing. Out wide Matt Hopper, Tom Herbert, Dan Pollard and Jon Walder have scored seventeen tries between them. Fraser Watson has made an impact when given the chance this season and was Man of the Match against Swansea in the away fixture.

The strength in depth is further emphasised by the fact Pete Salmon scored six tries for the seconds against

Swansea Institute. Not all of them can start, but whoever makes the bench will undoubtedly have a chance to make an impact later in the match.

The Varsity match will be won or lost upfront and at the set pieces Injuries permitting, the forward pack has not changed drastically throughout the season. Aled Mason and Adrian Ford have played props.

Aaron Fowler is indisputably the team’s hooker, whilst the experienced duo of Brad Raison and Aled Richards has competed for the tight-head position.

Adam Frampton and Ben Sidgwick have made up the team’s second-row for the season. James Cole and Captain Tom Hocking form an experienced back-row with Tim Norris, the number eight impressing since starting against Marjons. Martyn Fowler also has Stefan Edwards, a number eight, available. Back-row forward Emyr James and lock Ali Price have impressed when given opportunities and the versatile James Corless increases competition for places.

Former captain, Owain Griffith, is also now available as is Tom Evans to compete for the back-row positions.

The two league matches between the two rivals show how competitive the sides are. Cardiff’s sweeping victory in the winter boosted their confidence with the Varsity match looming, and Cardiff went on to finish higher in the league.

However, this will have little bearing on the Varsity game. The match will be won or lost upfront and in the set pieces.

Cardiff has had a good year because the forwards have dominated at the lineouts and scrums, resulting in good ball for the backs and plenty of turnovers in possession.

Final BUSA League table 2005/2006 BUSA 05/06

PREMIER SOUTH B P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Oxford Greyhounds

9

7

1

1

90

25

2

Cardiff

10

8

0

2

112

24

3

Oxford Brookes

10

4

1

5

49

13

4

Gloucestershire

10

4

0

6

-45

12

5

Swansea

9

4

0

5

-53

12

6

Marjons

8

0

0

8

-153

-3

Xpress Radio is back online and will be providing top class coverage of Varsity 2006, live from Bridgend on February 22.

Station Manager, Jen Long will be joined pitch-side by a DJ from Swansea University’s official radio station Xtreme FM. Xpress Radio will be dominating the airwaves during the match as the Cardiff radio feed will be broadcasting out on Xtreme’s frequency.

Xpress is currently broadcasting a jingle recorded by artists known as ‘Athletes Foot’. The song entitled Go Cardiff! can be heard around the union and online at www.xpressradio.co.uk The station’s 2006 FM debut is set for early March.

Varsity Guide Page 10

Fun & Games

February 20 2006

sport@gairrhydd.com

VARSITY ESSENTIALS Item Ticket (Don’t forget!) gair rhydd (Varsity special) Bus ticket (It’s a long way to walk!)

Foam Finger (Comedy genius) Varsity t-shirt (Show your colours) Crate of lager/beer/cider (Standard) Disposable camera (Cheerleaders) Food at the game (Munchies) Bar Budget (Session) Comedy thong (Streaking is the way forward) Hat and Scarf (Do or Die) Deodorant (It’s a long day) Duck Ticket (Meat Market) Chat-up lines (Not that you’ll need them) Sick bag (Just in Case) Condoms (Just do it) Fry-Up (Ramones best) Aspirin (Morning after) Alibi (For the other half)

Don’t be a bum, Don’t be a chump... Read these quotes and inspire yourself to Varsity glory!

“You have to expect things of yourselves before you can do them” Michael Jordan “I dare to be great. The man without imagination stands unhurt and hath no wings. This is my credo, this is my forte” Don King “Champions aren't made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision” Muhammed Ali “You never win a game unless you beat the guy in front of you.

The score on the board doesn't mean a thing. That's for the fans. You've got to win the war with the man in front of you.

You've got to get your man” Vince Lombardi “l firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle-victorious” Lombardi again “I play with a fear of letting people down. That's what motivates me” Johnny Wilkinson “Channel your energy. Focus.” Carl Lewis “I think you enjoy the game more if you don't know the rules.

Anyway, you're on the same wavelength as the referees” Jonathan Davies “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try” Beverley Sills

Fill your

face

By Ed Jones Sport Editor

LOOKING FORWARD to a drink or two in front of the game? More concerned with pints than points?

Here’s a quick run-down of the refreshments availible at the ground.

Food-wise, you can look forward to burgers, a hog roast, thai food, ice cream, fish and chips, a chocolate fountain stall and an italian coffee and panini outlet.

Drinks-wise, the bars at the ground will be running special offers in the afternoon. For the early starter, it’s three pints for £5 and any double shot for £2.50 (except Jack Daniels which is 2 for 1) from 3-5pm. Furthermore, the “fantastic fosters lager frenzy” means five pints for £10 throughout the night.

In addition, there will be two standalone Strongbow chest chillers inside the ground doing three bottles of Strongbow for £5.

There’ll also be a “Golden Shots” tent selling a range of shots and alcoholic iced drinks, while up in the Rafter Bar, a band will be playing from 5.30-6.30.

Varsity Guide Page 11

Fun & Games

February 20 2006

sport@gairrhydd.com

Varsity or Farce-city?

By Ed Jones Sport Editor

THE POSTERS are mounted, the media circus has come to town, and the mad hysteria has begun.

It's time once again for the UK's premier Varsity competition, as Hull take on York St John's and Teeside in the annual 3-way challenge.

A scout around the country reveals some ridiculous encounters dressed up as Varsity contests. This “3-wayer” is perhaps the most idiotic.

What's the point in finding out who’s best among that lot? It's like Jade Goodie, David Beckham and Mariah Carey sitting a maths paper to find out who's cleverest.

No winners, only losers.

The Cardiff-Swansea challenge is genuinely something worth celebrating. Outside of Oxbridge, few Varsities possess so much history and grandeur.

Most of the ties look like David vs Goliath encounters.

Consider Edinburgh v Heriott Watts, Bristol v UWE, Exeter v Hartpury College, and Sheffield v Sheffield Hallam - important institutions taking on their local poly inferiors.

Some might even say it's the same here in South Wales. A cheap shot I know…but it's what we're all thinking.

Credit is also due to a number of other unis for the sheer number of sports in which they'll be taking part for their respective Varsities. Most involve a huge number of participants in many diciplines.

Our own challenge features over twenty sports while many others, such as Leeds v Leeds met, are limited to around 15 fixtures.

However, York and York St John's deserve special mention. Their 2006 varsity challenge will feature indoor cricket, street hockey and dodgeball amongst the usual favourites of rugby and football.

Cardiff's main event also compares well to the rugby games elsewhere.

Surely we would all rather be at the Brewery Fields for £6 than shell out 27 quid on a seat at Twickenham for the Oxbridge game?

We might not match their 43,000 attendance but it's far more intimate.

Imperial College vs Imperial College School of Medicine would set you back the princely sum of £7.50.

Meanwhile, Bath v Loughborough offers spectators high class encounter between two excellent outfits and only costs a fiver proof, if it were needed, that quality doesnt have to cost the earth, you just have to look more closely to find it, or hop on a bus to Bridgend.

Listen live at:

Things you really ought to

know by now

By George Pawley Sport Reporter

TWICKENHAM: 10 times the attendance but a fraction of the atmosphere

By Paul Hunt

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS 1) "Thou shalt have no other gods than Rugby. No other sport, nor woman, nor profession, nor animal shall come before it.."

2) "Thou shalt not worship any graven image, especially not that of the round ball, for those that do are chavs and hooligans."

3) "Thou shalt not take the name of Cardiff, thy team in vain."

4) "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy, the Sabbath may only be filled with Rugby and beer and nothing else" 5) "Honor thy father, William Webb Ellis, for it is he whom first ran with ball in hand.

6) "Thou shalt not kill the ball, for those who do shall be cast down into the sin bin for ten minutes."

7) "Thou shalt not commit adultery by playing the other code, for the other code is played by those who inhabit the grim wasteland of the North."

8) "Thou shalt steal the ball from the opposition, for only those with the ball may cross the try line into heaven."

9) "Thou shalt not bare false witness against thy neighbour, for thy neighbour will prevent thou from getting thy head kicked in, and will hold thou up when thy is drunken" 10) "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's skills, only those in the backs shall kick the ball, only those in the forwards shall ruck.

www.xpressradio.co.uk

RUGBY:

Try - 5 points for touching down in the opposition’s goal area Conversion - 2 additional points if the ball is kicked through the posts following a try Penalty - 3 points if kicked through the posts following an infringement from the opposition.

Drop Goal - 3 points when the ball is drop kicked through the posts from open play Lineout - used when the ball has been knocked or kicked into touch (over the sideline) - the ball gets thrown in and the teams compete to catch the ball Scrum - used for restarting play if the ball has been knocked on for passed forward, if there has been an accidental offside or following an unsuccessful ruck or maul - looks like huddle Maul - where 3 or more players (1 with the ball) form a drive. Looks similar to a scrum Ruck - occurs when a tackled player goes to ground. The teams close around the ball to try and win possession Offside - when a player is in front of the ball, he cannot try to play the ball without retreating behind the back foot of the ruck or maul Tackle - legal way of bringing an opponent with the ball to ground, and contact cannot be made above the shoulders Touch - out of play, beyond the sidelines of the pitch Forward Pass - the ball cannot be passed forward to another player Knock-On - occurs if a player fails to catch or pick up the ball cleanly and it travels forward off a hand, arm or knee and hits the ground or another player - you cannot knock the ball forward with your foot.

Obstruction - you cannot tackle a player who doesn't have the ball to impede a tackle Sin-Bin - if a player commits a foul and is yellow carded, he is sinbinned, meaning he does not play any part in the match for 10 minutes Red Card - if a player is red carded for a serious foul, he is dismissed and can no longer take part in the game 22 metre dropout - if the ball goes behind the defending try line (dead ball line) from the attackers, play is restarted from the 22 metre line on the pitch 5 metre scrum - if the defence touch the ball down in the dead ball zone a 5 metre scrum is awarded to the attackers

Deloitte IMG

Page 30

February 20 2006

weloveimg@gairrhydd.com

THE FULL IMG BREAKFAST DELOITTE IMG NETBALL ROUND 5 IMG Netball

Premiership P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

5

5

0

0

72

15

1

Cardiff A

2

Carbs A

5

4

0

1

21

3

Cardiff B

5

3

1

1

18

4

Socsi A

5

3

0

2

26

9

5

Law B

5

2

0

3

-15

6

6

SAWSA

5

1

1

3

-26

4

7

Stringfellows A

5

1

0

4

-42

3

8

Medics A * *

5

0

0

5

-71

-6

IMG Netball

0

2

6

menon on the match

0

1

1

3

4

Economics

2

1

0

1

0

3

5

Chem Soc

2

0

1

0

-2

3

6

Cardiff Uni

2

0

1

1

-1

1

Dave Menon gives his veridct on another week of IMG madness

7

Law A

2

0

1

1

-2

1

8

Pharm AC

2

0

0

2

-2

0

9

2

Carbs B

3

2

0

1

15

6

3

Economics

3

2

0

1

11

6

4

Pharmacy A

3

2

0

1

1

6

5

Chem Soc

3

1

0

2

-18

6

6

English Soc

3

1

0

2

7

3

7

Dynamo Tigers

3

0

0

2

-2

3

8

German Soc

3

0

0

3

-45

0

Division Two Pts 9

Pharmacy B

3

3

0

0

37

9

3

Christ Union

3

2

0

1

19

6

4

Engin Girls

3

1

0

2

5

3

5

Socsi B

3

1

0

2

4

3

6

Optometry

3

1

0

2

-26

0

7

Gym Gym *

3

1

0

2

-20

-3

8

Medics B * *

3

0

0

3

-60

-6

PLEASE NOTE THAT DIV 2 NETBALL TABLE WILL BE UPDATED WHEN ALL RESULTS ARE RECEIVED

IMG RUGBY TABLE Carbs 1

(13/2/06) P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

5

5

0

0

202

15

2

Masts

5

4

1

0

111

13

3

Engin

6

4

0

2

39

12

4

Stoma

5

3

0

2

49

9

5

Pharmacy

4

2

1

1

30

7

6

Carbs 2

5

2

1

2

-75

7

7

Gym Gym

6

2

0

3

-37

6

8

SAWSA

4

1

1

4

-18

4

9

Medics

6

1

0

5

-188

3

10

Law

4

0

0

4

-92

0

IMG RUGBY RESULTS WILL APPEAR HERE WHEN THEY BECOME AVAILABLE

IMG Netball Results (N= No Result Received Yet) Sat 11 Feb

Socsi B 12 Medics B 20 Christ Union N Pharmacy B 14

IMG Rugby Fixtures Sun 19 Feb

Pharmacy v Stoma Gym Gym v Medics

-

9 Engin Girls 4 Gym Gym N Optometry 16 S’fellows B

Wed 15 Feb Medics A 7 Socsi A 7 Cardiff B 10 SAWSA 3

-

19 Cardiff A 12 Carbs A 2 Law B 9 S’fellows A

Socsi B 4 Pharmacy B N Medics B 0 Christ Union 5

-

4 Optometry N Gym Gym 20 S’fellows B 6 Engin Girls

IMG Netball Fixtures Sat 18 Feb Economics v English Soc Law A v Dynamo Tigers Pharmacy A v Carbs B Chem Soc v German Soc Wed 22 Feb Economics Law A Dynamo Tig. English Soc

2

1

6

0

31

IMG Rugby

4

2

0

41

0

1

0

0

0

2

3

0

2

2

3

3

Pts

Locomotive

Pts

3

Diff

Carbs

Law A

Stringfellows B

L

3

1

1

D

2

Diff

Diff

W

10

L

L

P

12

D

D

Premiership 2

W

W

IMG Football Arse’Alona

P

P

Take note of the fixtures below. Matches continue as normal on March 1 due to Varsity and the postponed games will be played at the end of Phase 2.

1

Division One

IMG Netball

PLEASE NOTE: LAST WEEK’S FOOTBALL WAS POSTPONED DUE TO WATERLOGGED PITCHES

DELOITTE IMG FOOTBALL ROUND 2

v v v v

Pharmacy A Chem Soc German Soc Carbs B

Sat 25 Feb Medics A Socsi A Cardiff B SAWSA

v v v v

Law B S’fellows A Cardiff A Carbs A

Wed 1 Mar

NETBALL

NUMBER OF GOALS: 183 Goals, 18.3 goals per game GOLDEN GIRLS: Medics B, a 20-4 win over Gym Gym SURPRISE PACKAGE: S’fellows A recorded their first Premiership win after losing 4 games EPIC GAME: Pharmacy B v S’fellows B, a 30-goal thriller with only two points in it.

CONSISTENT PERFORMERS: Cardiff A maintained their 100% record with yet another Premiership win.

TEAM OF THE WEEK: A really tough one. Carbs A for reaching second with a superb team display against a plucky Socsi A side.

IMG Football Fixtures Wed 1 Mar

Carbs Locomotive Cardiff Uni Law A

v v v v

Economics Chem Soc Arse’Alona Pharm AC

History Law B Zoology Automotive

v v v v

Gym Gym Dragons Ab. Fantastic Hurricanes

Economics Law A Pharmacy A Chem Soc

v v v v

German Soc Carbs B Dynamo Tig. English Soc

English Soc JOMEC AFC Euros Psycho Ath.

v v v v

Real Havana Myg Myg Dynamo Cen. AFC Momed

Christ Union Socsi B Pharmacy B Medics B

v v v v

S’fellows B Gym Gym Optometry Engin Girls

Euros Lang Dental Utd Japsoc Real Madras

v v v v

AFC Cathays Inter Me-Nan Plan’kos Architecture

LAW B-EATEN CARDIFF B 10 LAW B 2 (PREM)

By Paul Hunt IMG Reporter CARDIFF B increased the pressure on the Premiership highflyers with a comfortable 10-2 win over Law B. The Law B defenders were kept busy throughout proceedings as the Cardiff B attackers performed brilliantly.

Cardiff were first to gain their rhythm after a scrappy opening to the game. Goal-shooter Lucy Banks scored the first two points for Cardiff who raced into a 5-0 lead before Law B finally troubled the scorers.

Law B consistently struggled to find space for a pass and subsequently failed to get the ball out of their half for sustained periods of time.

After trailing 7-2 at half-time,

Law made changes at WingDefence and Wing-Attack.

Although there was a vast improvement in their play, Law were unable to close the gap.

Although Cardiff B were not as dominant in the second half, they still looked comfortable in possession.

The Law players were desperately trying to make something happen and were guilty of forcing passes that simply handed the ball back to Cardiff.

Cardiff closed out the game without humiliating their opposition, as they only added three extra goals.

Following this victory, Cardiff climb to third place. A win against Cardiff A on 1st March could bolster their title hopes.

Law B stay in fifth after this defeat and meet Medics A soon.

IMG Football

Division One P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

History

2

2

0

0

6

6

2

Ab. Fantastic

2

2

0

0

5

6

3

Gym Gym

2

1

0

1

7

3

4

Law B

2

1

0

1

1

3

5

Zoology

2

1

0

1

-2

3

6

Dragons

2

1

0

1

-7

3

7

Automotive

2

0

0

2

-5

0

8

Hurricanes

2

0

0

2

-5

0

IMG Football

Division Two P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

2

0

0

7

6

1

AFC Momed

2

2

English Soc

2

2

0

0

4

6

3

AFC Euros

2

1

0

1

2

3

4

Real Havana

2

1

0

0

1

3

5

Dynamo Cen.

2

1

0

1

0

3

6

JOMEC

2

0

1

1

-1

1

7

Psycho Ath.

2

0

0

1

-1

1

8

Myg Myg

2

0

0

2

-8

0

IMG Football

Division Three P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

2

0

0

4

6

1

Euros Lang

2

2

Architecture

2

1

1

0

1

4

3

Plan’kos

2

1

0

1

3

3

4

Japsoc

2

1

0

1

2

3

5

Real Madras

2

1

0

1

-1

3

6

AFC Cathays

2

0

2

0

0

2

7

Inter Me-Nan

2

0

1

1

-4

1

8

Dental Utd

2

0

0

2

-5

0

AHEAD OF THE GAME

FOOTBALL:

Cardiff Uni v Arse’Alona could be the game to watch.

While Cardiff Uni must win to get back on track, Arse’Alona are under pressure to maintain their 100% record.

NETBALL: Pharmacy A v Carbs B in Division One. With both sides

on six points, the winner could join the running in a wide open league.

RUGBY:

Pharmacy v Stoma could be the one to watch as the winner will make ground on the rampant Carbs 1.

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