gair rhydd - Issue 822

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FREE

GUARDIAN STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

Page 7

CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY free word - EST. 1972

Politics catch up with the Lib Dem president in the Taf Page 14

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

Features investigate suicide in the modern world

ISSUE 822 OCTOBER 09 2006

Is it fair? !"#$%&'$$"()#*&+,&-.*&+,-/0-&1""$&,1&& 203",-".4&$+05"4+$6&)0+&4,+&78&$+05"4+$

PHOTO: ADAM GASSON

Adam Millward News Editor

ASSEMBLY: Forking out for Europe

NEXT SEPTEMBER students from EU countries taking their degree in Wales will receive financial aid towards top-up fees, but UK students from outside of Wales will not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A-((-&+7$ &+$ %&>$ &<$ %"#$ 5?R$ A-((-&+ >*&,-2#2$ .H$ %"#$ I;;#A.(H$ <&*$ @#(;" ;%32#+%;: !"#$ I;;#A.(H$ S&,#*+A#+%$ #B>#/% %"#$ /3**#+%$ +3A.#*$ &<$ 01D.&*+ ;%32#+%;$ &>%-+)$ %&$ ;%32H$ -+$ @'(#;$ %& 2*'A'%-/'((H$ -+/*#';#7$ ';$ %"#$ &<<#*$ &< )*'+%;$2*'4;$%"#A$'4'H$<*&A$)&-+)$%& 0+)(-;"$3+-,#*;-%-#;$-+;%#'2: !"-;$ /&+%*&,#*;-'($ A&,#$ /&-+/-2#;

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

2 !"#$!"#$$

NEWS

OCTOBER.O9.2006 NEWS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

At

a glance October 9 2006

News Feature Editorial & Opinion Columnist Letters Politics Media Jobs & Money Health Science/Environment Television Problem Page Grab Five Minute Fun Listings Sport

1 7 8 11 13 14 17 18 21 22 23 31 33 35 36 38

EDITOR Perri Lewis DEPUTY EDITOR Sophie Robehmed ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR Elaine Morgan CREATIVE EDITOR Graeme Porteous SUB EDITORS Cathal McMahon, Andrew Styles NEWS Adam Millward, Helen Thompson, Jo Dingle, Katie Kennedy POLITICS Andy Rennison EDITORIAL AND OPINION Ed Vantage, Georgie SPORT Dave Menon, George Pawley, Jon Berridge LISTINGS Jenna Harris, Rosaria Sgueglia TELEVISION TV Gareth, TV Grace, TV John, TV Neil, TV Jane LETTERS Rachel Clare GRAB Kayleigh Excell, Lisa Hocken TAF-OD This position needs filling SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT Ceri Morgan MEDIA Aline Ungewiss, Nadia Bonjour HEALTH Liz Stauber JOBS AND MONEY Gill Roberts PROBLEM PAGE Grace De Ville FIVE MIN FUN Lara Bell PICTURE EDITOR James Perou PROOF READERS Kieran Harwood, Sophie Robinson, Robert Knowles, Joanne Grew, Alys Jones, Iain Lock, Aisling Tempany, Eleanor Morrey, Jenna Weeks, Carina Parmer, Beth Herdman, Karen Eeuwens CONTRIBUTORS Pierre Masson, Alicia Whitthread, Morgan Davies, Matthew Horwood, Kate Carner, Caleb Woodridge, Victoria Lane, Chris White, Dan Ridler, Tim Hewish, Brychan Govier, Tom Williams ADDRESS University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN ADVERTISING 02920 781 474 EMAIL gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com WEB www.gairrhydd.com LOCATION 4th Floor Students’ Union

SILENT KILLER Pierre Masson Reporter UNIVERSITY STUDENTS are at risk of gas poisoning because they do not receive adequate advice on gas safety.

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Immobilise Crime

GAS: Use with caution

Use your vote Adam Millward News Editor

ASSEMBLY: Vote in who you want

Students are urged not to register to vote ahead of the Welsh National Assembly elections which will take place in May 2007. @7$% _)$2'4-,)% +433&00&4#:% ,% 94*> $-#3$#'% 4-9,#&0,'&4#:% (7&27% ,''$3;'0 '4%&#2-$,0$%;18)&2%&#'$-$0'%,#.%;,-'&2&> ;,'&4#% &#% ;4)&'&20:% ,-$% ;-$.&2'&#9% '7,' 3,#5%9-,.1,'$0%,-$%/,&)&#9%'4%0&9#%1;!

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STUDENTS ARE being encouraged to register any property with a serial number, such as laptops, bicycles or ipods, on a website run by the police! "#$%&#%'($)*$%+,-.&//%0'1.$#'0%($-$ *&2'&30%4/%2-&3$%),0'%5$,-!% 60% '7$% #$(% '$-3% 8$9&#0:% ;4)&2$% ,-$ 1-9&#9% 0'1.$#'0% '4% ',<$% 2,-$% 4/% '7$&;400$00&4#0%,#.%0',5%0,/$! ='$30% 2,#% 8$% -$24-.$.% ,' (((!&3348&)&0$!243:% ,% .,',8,0$% '7,' 2,#%4#)5%8$%,22$00$.%85%'7$%;4)&2$:%,#. ,&30%'4%-$1#&'$%10$-0%(&'7%'7$&-%;400$0> 0&4#0%&/%'7$5?-$%)40'%4-%0'4)$#! @7$% A43$% "//&2$% ;-$.&2'0% '7,' #,'&4#,))5:%4#$%&#%'7-$$%0'1.$#'0%(&))%8$ *&2'&30% 4/% 2-&3$% '7&0% 5$,-:% 04% '7$% /&9> 1-$0% 0199$0'% '7,'% +,-.&//% &0% 0,/$-% '7,# 340'%4'7$-%1#&*$-0&'5%'4(#0%,#.%2&'&$0!

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Gotta get a degree. Fast.

A-Levels don’t make the grade Alicia Whitthread Reporter A SURVEY has shown that more than 40% of students believe A-levels do not prepare them for university degrees. @7$% QHHR% 6>)$*$)% -$01)'0% 074($.

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FAST-TRACK degrees, the new courses that turn three years work into two, are proving immensely popular with ambitious careerminded students. @7$%#$(%#&#$>'4>/&*$%.$9-$$%3$,#0 ,#%$#.%'4%'7$%'7-$$>34#'7%)4#9%8-$,<0: (7$-$%0'1.$#'0%,-$%<$$#%'4%9$'%,7$,.%&# '7$% W48% 3,-<$'% 85% (4-<&#9% '7-4197 *,2,'&4#%;$-&4.0! @7$% .$9-$$0% 240'% Z[HHH% )$00% '7,# '-,.&'&4#,)% 74#41-0? 241-0$0:% ,#.% 1#&> *$-0&'&$0%;&)4'&#9%'7$%#$(%;-49-,33$0 7,*$%,)-$,.5%8$91#%'1-#&#9%,;;)&2,#'0 ,(,5%,/'$-%/&))&#9%'7$&-%241-0$0!

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!"#$!"#$$

3

NEWS

OCTOBER.09.2006 NEWS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Fee the love Morgan Davies Reporter

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2 #(34% 5&)6- #1 - //)$6&1% 78&% 7$/9 : /% ;&&1% - " 78&.

■

FROM TOP LEFT TO BOTTOM: Joe AlKhayat, James Woodroof, Ed Jones

CARDIFF UNION’S male sabbatical officers have turned to the medium of song to promote the NUS’ campaign against rising tuition fees. !"#$#%&'( !"##$ %&'#$ !##()*)( $#( $* +,*&'( -"( #.&( *-"/( !"##$ %&'# !"##()*)( 0$1*#( 2&10-13&'( +4( 5$674 8&19,$*(-"(.$#(*&1$&*)(+,#$-../0#: ;,3&*(<--'1--0)(=>(?1&*$'&"#)($* %&,'(*$"/&1(,"'(/@$#,1$*#)(A.$%&(,''$B #$-",%(9-6,%*(,1&(21-9$'&'(+4(>"$-" ?1&*$'&"#)( ;-&( =%BC.,4,#( ,"'( D$6& ?1&*$'&"#)(!'(;-"&*: E.&(#1$-($*(6@11&"#%4($"(#.&(21-6&** -0( 0$%3$"/( ,( 9$'&-( -"( #.&( *#1&&#*( -0 F,1'$00(#-(,66-32,"4(#.&(*-"/: E.&(#1,67(A$%%(+&(1&%&,*&'(#-(6-$"B 6$'&(A$#.(='3$**$-"G(H32-**$+%&)(#.&

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Something to Caat out the bag scream about Katie Kennedy News Editor

Matthew Horwood Reporter A PHONE THAT screams if stolen has been developed by security experts.

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UNIVERSITIES that have shares in arms companies are to be exposed in a damning report which will be released in November.

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Sport gairrhydd

WAITING: The teams queue outside the Union where the incident happened

Dave Menon reports from the Ryder Cup 2006

IMG G ALARM IMG teams in shock as student falls from Union balcony, but registration still goes ahead A STUDENT FELL from the first floor of the Students’ Union as he queued to register his team in the IMG league on Friday morning.

It is believed that the student, who has not yet been named, had been waiting outside the Union for a number of hours on the Senghennydd Road side. Other students queuing to get a place had arrived as early as 2am to secure their team a place in the league.

At around 8.10am he was taken to hospital in an ambulance and eyewitnesses report that he was

strapped into a back brace. At present we have no further information on his condition.

An eyewitness said: “I heard a really loud cracking noise. I looked over the balcony and the guy was on the ground.

“After that we heard commotion and the ambulance took around 10 minutes to arrive.

“Nobody knew what was going on, a lot of people were staring, peering over the rails. The security man asked us to stop staring and stay clear.

It is not yet known how the man

fell but it has been alleged that he was sitting on the railing. Next week’s gair rhydd will confirm such details.

The incident happened despite the Athletic Union providing increased security measures: after last years’ 4am start they believed it was necessary to have security staff manning the queue.

Athletic Union president James Woodroof said: “Our thoughts are with the student. It was a tragic accident. I’m devastated for the boy and his family, but we are all hoping that he will make a full

recovery.

“Of course even with our extra security measures accidents will always happen that we cannot control.”

No official details about the incident have been released from the Students’ Union, but they have provided the following statement: “An incident involving a student occurred at Cardiff University Students' Union at 8:10 this morning. The Students' Union is working with the relevant authorities to ensure a swift and appropriate response.

“No further details are available at this stage, but the Students' Union will endeavour to keep those affected informed of any outcomes.”

The IMG registration process continued as normal.

See page 34 for full details of the IMG teams who registered

GAIR RHYDD AND QUENCH MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED BY UNIVERSITY UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN ! REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE ! GAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS ! THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS ! THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF UNIVERSITY ! SOPH AND SOME MYSTERY MAN IN A TREE K.I.S.S.I.N.G FIRST COMES THE WELSH CLUB, THEN COMES..... ! AGAIN, NO BLUE BAR THIS WEEK - NO ONE FUNNY IS LEFT IN THE OFFICE ! ALTHOUGH TV JOHN IS BACK ! WHICH IS BLOODY LOVELY !

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Balcony fall boy update LAST WEEK, gair rhydd reported on a student falling from the first floor of the Students’ Union. =#(#.$*(*#,/&)("-(0@1#.&1('&#,$%* 6-"6&1"$"/(#.&(&9&"#(-1(#.&($"'$B 9$'@,%($"9-%9&'(,1&(7"-A"(,* $"9&*#$/,#$-"*(,1&(@"'&1/-$"/: Q@1#.&1('&#,$%*(A$%%(+&(1&%&,*&'(+4 1)/"$",*22 ,*(*--"(,*(A&(.,9& #.&3

Cardiff: world class CARDIFF UNIVERSITY has become the first Welsh university to join the world’s elite universities.

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4

!"#$!"#$$

NEWS

OCTOBER.09.2006 NEWS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Manchester’s student newspaper in turmoil Katie Kennedy News Editor THE SENIOR editorial team at Manchester’s student newspaper have walked out, claiming that the new editor is not competent enough to do his job. !"#$46(#$.64#*$-?+#)$.64E5-'&+* +"-+$+"#$#/'+6)$6?$!"#$%&"'()*%+"8$_-`'Y M-S'?8$'*$D*'&9$+"#$E-E#)$+6$E)646+# "'*$67&$E65'+'.-5$Y#5'#?*< _-`'/$M-?'S8$-9#/$=;8$7-*$#5#.+#/ +6$+"#$*-YY-+'.-5$E6*'+'6&$'&$C-)."8 /#*E'+#$&#(#)$"-('&9$7)'++#&$?6)$+"# E-E#)$Y#?6)#<$$C#4Y#)*$6?$!"#$%&" ()*%+"'.5-'4$+"-+$"#$*#.D)#/$('.+6), Y#.-D*#$"#$"-/$+"#$Y-.G'&9$6?$+"# 2bbb>*+)6&9$U*5-4'.$*6.'#+,< C)$M-?'S$"-*$)-)#5,$Y##&$*##&$'& "'*$6??'.#$-&/$'+$'*$*-'/$+"-+$"#$"-* ?-'5#/$+6$4##+$.6E,$/#-/5'&#*<$$ !76$56&9>*+-&/'&9$4#4Y#)*$6?$+"# #/'+6)'-5$+#-4$"-(#$-5*6$Y##&$*-.G#/ ('-$+#0+$4#**-9#$Y,$C)$M-?'Sc$+"#, .5-'4$+"-+$'+$'*$Y#.-D*#$+"#,$/'*-9)##/ 7'+"$"'*$#/'+6)'-5$E6*'+'6&$6&$.#)+-'& +6E'.*< !"#$*#.+'6&$#/'+6)*$?6)$_E6)+$-&/ ZE'&'6&$-)#$*-'/$+6$Y#$/'*-EE6'&+#/ +"-+$+"#$E-E#)$"-*$56*+$'+*$E65'+'.-5 '&/#E#&/#&.#<$K-4#*$N5-)G8$?6)4#) ZE'&'6&$#/'+6)8$*-'/[$\U+$7-*$+"#$5-*+

+"'&9$U$#0E#.+#/<$$U$"-/$ED+$-$"D9# -46D&+$6?$76)G$'&+6$+"#$E-E#)8$-&/ "-/$4-/#$#(#),$#??6)+$+6$76)G$7'+" +"#$&#7$A/'+6)8$*6$+6$Y#$*-.G#/$Y, +#0+$4#**-9#$7-*$&6+$6&5,$)D/#$YD+ #0+)#4#5,$DE*#++'&9< \A(#),$*#.+'6&$6?$+"#$E-E#)$+"-+ "-*$E65'+'.'*'&9$E6+#&+'-5$'*$&67$"#-(> '5,$'&?5D#&.#/$Y,$+"#$U*5-4'.$*6.'#+,<^ \_+D/#&+$L')#.+$&6$56&9#)$)#E)#> *#&+*$+"#$7"65#$*+D/#&+$E6ED5-+'6&$Y, -&,$*+)#+."$6?$+"#$'4-9'&-+'6&<^ d6)4#)$&#7*$#/'+6)$M6Y$N66E#)8 /#*.)'Y#/$+"#$#/'+6)$-*$\'&.64E#+#&+^ '&$"'*$5#++#)$6?$)#*'9&-+'6&<$$ I#$7#&+$6&$+6$*-,$+6$C)$M-?'S[ \!"#$*56EE,$&-+D)#$6?$+"#$E-E#)$'&$+"# ?')*+$+76$'**D#*$6?$+"#$=bb;>=bb3$-.-> /#4'.$,#-)$"-*$+-)&'*"#/$+"#$)#ED+-> +'6&$6?$+"#$7#55>#*+-Y5'*"#/$E-E#)< \_'&.#$,6D)$#5#.+'6&$'&$C-)."$6? +"'*$,#-)$'+$"-*$Y#.64#$.5#-)$+"-+$,6D -)#$&6+$.-E-Y5#$6?$?D5?'55'&9$,6D) /D+'#*$-*$#/'+6)<^ !"#$*#&'6)$#/'+6)'-5$+#-4$.5-'4$+"-+ "#$*#.D)#/$('.+6),$Y#.-D*#$6?$+"# O*5-+#H (6+'&9$*,*+#4$'&$6E#)-+'6&$-+ +"#$%&'6&<$ C)$M-S'?$'*$+"6D9"+$+6$"-(#$Y##& #5#.+#/$Y,$+"#$U*5-4'.$*6.'#+,H* OY56.GH (6+#8$-*$+"#$4-`6)'+,$6?$4#4> Y#)*$6?$+"#$*6.'#+,$-)#$+"6D9"+$+6$"-(# )-&G#/$"'4$-*$+"#')$?')*+$."6'.#< !"#$?6)4#)$*#&'6)$#/'+6)'-5$+#-4

Getting smashed Helen Thompson News Editor HEAVY DRINKERS are more likely to become victims of violence, according to new research by Cardiff University specialists. !"#$ *+D/,8$ 5#/$ Y,$ F)6?#**6) K6&-+"6&$ _"#E"#)/8$ *D99#*+*$ +"-+ +##&-9#$ Y'&9#>/)'&G#)*8$ D*D-55, *##&$-*$+"#$'&*+'9-+6)*$6?$('65#&.#8 -)#$-+$'&.)#-*#/$)'*G$6?$Y#'&9$"'+<$ !"6*#$ 7"6$ +)'#/$ +6$ -(6'/$ ('6> 5#&.#$7#)#$-.+D-55,$46)#$5'G#5,$+6 *D??#)$'&`D),$+"-&$+"6*#$7"6$-.+'(#> 5,$*6D9"+$?'9"+*<$ X"#&$ /)D&G8$ E#6E5#$ -)#$ 46)# (D5&#)-Y5#$ -*$ +"#,$ "-(#$ )#/D.#/ E",*'.-5$ .6>6)/'&-+'6&8$ E66)#)

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"-(#$*#+$DE$-$d-.#Y66G$9)6DE$+6$"#5E 9-'&$*DEE6)+$?6)$+"#')$.-D*#<$ !"#$_-(#$_+D/#&+$L')#.+e$9)6DE &67$"-*$6(#)$2Pbb$4#4Y#)*$-&/$/'*> .D**'6&*$-)#$+-G'&9$E5-.#$/-'5,$-Y6D+ 7"-+$+6$/6$-Y6D+$+"#$*'+D-+'6&< _64#$*+D/#&+*$-)#$-*G'&9$+"#$#/'+6> )'-5$+#-4$+6$9'(#$M-?'S$-$."-&.#<$$Z&# .6&+)'YD+6)$*-'/[$\J'(#$+"#$Y56G#$."-&.#$+6$-.+D-55,$/6$*64#+"'&9$7'+" +"#$E-E#)$?6)$46)#$+"-&$P$'**D#* Y#?6)#$,6D$*+-)+$6&$+"#$7'+.">"D&+<^ I67#(#)8$4#4Y#)*$6?$+"#$*#&'6) #/'+6)'-5$+#-4$-)#$.5-'4'&9$+"#,$+)'#/ +6$76)G$7'+"$+"#$#/'+6)<$K-4#*$N5-)G )#E5'#/[$\U$7-*$+6+-55,$)#-/,$+6$76)G 7'+"$+"#$&#7$#/'+6)$+"'*$,#-)<$U$/'/&f+ -9)##$7'+"$+"#$7-,$"#$7-*$(6+#/$'&8 YD+$U$7-*$)#-/,$+6$76)G$7'+"$"'4 &6&#+"#5#**<$!"#$)#-*6&$U$-&/$6+"#)* -)#$&6$56&9#)$76)G'&9$7'+"$"'4$'* Y#.-D*#$"#$'*$5-T,8$'&.64E#+#&+8$-&/ -&$-7?D58$-7?D5$`6D)&-5'*+<$ \L6&f+$'&*D5+$4,$'&+#55'9#&.#$Y, +#55'&9$4#$+"-+$U$-4$&6+$76)G'&9$+"#)# Y#.-D*#$6?$OE)#.6&.#E+'6&*H 6)$Y'++#)> &#**<^ L#*E'+#$&D4#)6D*$-++#4E+*$+6 *E#-G$+6$M-?'S8$,-)*'*./$$'7-*$&6+ -Y5#$+6$4-G#$.6&+-.+$7'+"$+"#$&#7 #/'+6)< The voice of gair rhydd: page 8

RAFIQ: A photograph of the editor posted on the Save Student Direct! Facebook group

Orange give Cardiff student poor reception Adam Millward News Editor A CARDIFF student has received a £1,438 phone bill from operator Orange, despite the fact his mobile has been stolen.

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M#.6)/*$-+$U!V F5-,8$7"#)#$=3Q$6? +"#$ .-55*$ 7#)#$ )#.#'(#/8$ )#(#-5$ +"# .-55#)$ '/#&+'?'#/$ "'4*#5?$ -*$ OC'."-#5 ?)64$N-)/'??8H -&/$+"-+$"#$?-'5#/$+6$9#+ -&,$.6))#.+$-&*7#)*< W5+"6D9"$+"#$"-&/*#+$7-*$)#E6)+#/ *+65#&8$ +"#$ .64E-&,$ -)#$ '&*'*+'&9$ +"# E"6&#$67&#)$*"6D5/$E-,$DE8$-*$'+$+66G "'4$&#-)5,$-$/-,$+6$'&?6)4$+"#4$6?$+"# +"#?+<$

University granted record research grants Kate Garner Reporter IN THE LAST year, Cardiff University has received a record amount of grants and contracts for research. !"#$ %&'(#)*'+,$ "-*$ -++)-.+#/$ -& #0+)-$123$4'55'6&$'&$)#*#-)."$-7-)/*8 )-'*'&9$+"#$+6+-5$+6$1:;<=$4'55'6&>$-& '&.)#-*#$6?$=2@< A&9'&##)'&98$ B'6*.'#&.#*$ -&/ C#/'.'&#$.-4#$6D+$+6E$-*$+"#$/#E-)+>

4#&+*$ 7'+"$ +"#$ "'9"#*+$ 5#(#5*$ 6? '&(#*+4#&+< !"#$*."665$6?$C#/'.'&#$*#.D)#/$12<;$ 4'55'6&$ 9)-&+$ ?6)$ )#*#-)."$ '&+6 +"#$ +)#-+4#&+$ 6?$ F-)G'&*6&H*$ -&/ ID&+'&9+6&H*$/'*#-*#*<$ J#)-'&+$ K6&#*8$ L')#.+6)$ 6?$ +"# %&'(#)*'+,H*$ M#*#-)."$ -&/ N644#).'-5$ L'('*'6&8$ *-7$ +"# '&.)#-*#/$'&(#*+4#&+$-*$-$*'9&'?'.-&+ *+#E$ +67-)/*$ N-)/'??H*$ O)#.69&'+'6& -*$-$5#-/'&9$)#*#-)."$'&*+'+D+'6&H<

C)$B-)&#*8$-$+"')/>,#-)$*+D/#&+8$-+ %XUN$ BD*'&#**$ .655#9#$ '*$ E)6+#*+'&9 +"#$ 4-**'(#$ Y'55$ 6&$ +"#$ 9)6D&/*$ +"-+ Z)-&9#$ *"6D5/$ "-(#$ )#.69&'*#/$ +"-+ *64#+"'&9$D&/#)"-&/$7-*$"-EE#&'&9< I#$ *-'/[$ \UH4$ E)#++,$ -&9),$ 7'+" +"#4<$ J'(#&$ +"-+$ +"#*#$ .-55*$ 7#)#$ *6 D&D*D-58$ 7",$ /'/&H+$ '+$ +)'99#)$ -& -5-)4]^$

!"#$!"#$$

WORLD NEWS

OCTOBER.09.2006 NEWS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

World news in brief Victoria Lane Reporter

North Korea set to stage nuclear missile test Matthew Horwood Reporter

Air-boobs A 24-year old woman from Bulgaria survived a possible fatal car crash thanks to her fake breasts. !"#$ *,+/"$ "+::#.#)$ +%$ +$ 07/1 *,'//,'+)/$-.$%"#$%'&.$'4$B'/#$5+/% &##G$ +4%#,$ %"#$ &'8+.=$ &"'$ "+/ .'%$ 0##.$ .+8#)=$ V78:#)$ +$ ,#) 5-9"%=$:5'&-.9$-.%'$+.'%"#,$*+,< !"#$ /-5-*'.#$ *7/"-'./$ +*%#)$ +/ +-,0+9/$ '.$ -8:+*%=$ 07%$ %"#$ ),-O#, )-)$ .'%$ #/*+:#$ 7./*+%"#)W$ "#, -8:5+.%/$,7:%7,#)$+.)$07,/%$-.$%"# *,+/"<

5

NORTH KOREA’S announcement that it plans to test a nuclear weapon has sent shockwaves throughout the international community. !"#$/%+%#8#.%$4,'8$I1'.91+.9= 3',%"$F',#+L/$*+:-%+5$*-%1=$*-%#)$+.

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`= &+/$ 0#5-#O#)$ %'$ 0#$ *+:+05#$ '4 ,#+*"-.9$C5+/G+!

!"#$%&'"#()*+&!,-.()#&/0+$"#1 DECEMBER 2002: 3',%"$F',#+$,#/%+,%#)$-%/$.7*5#+,$,#+*%',$+% a'.901'.$-.$`YY`=$4',*-.9$%&'$23$.7*5#+,$8'.-%#,/$'7%$'4$%"#$*'7.%,1< APRIL 2003: I755/$'7%$'4$%"#$37*5#+,$3'.(I,'5-4#,+%-'.$!,#+%1<$T.$+ /%+%#8#.%$+%$%"#$%-8#=$%"#1$/+-)H$6!"'79"$&#$:755$'7%$'4$%"#$%,#+%1=$&# "+O#$.'$-.%#.%-'.$%'$:,')7*#$.7*5#+,$&#+:'./;< JULY 2003: 3',%"$F',#+$*5+-8/$%"+%$-%$"+/$:,')7*#)$#.'79"$:57%'.-78 %'$/%+,%$8+G-.9$.7*5#+,$0'80/<

Sing when you’re winning

SEPTEMBER 2005: 3',%"$F',#+$+9,##)$%'$+0+.)'.$-%/$.7*5#+,$:,'( 9,+8$-.$,#%7,.$4',$+-)$+.)$/#*7,-%1$97+,+.%##/<$!"#$.#E%$)+1$-% +..'7.*#/$%"+%$&-%"'7%$%"#$,-9"%$%'$+$*-O-5-+.$,#+*%',$-%$&-55$.'%$/*,+:$-%/ .7*5#+,$:,'9,+8<

Nuclear missile in North Korea

MUSICAL condoms are to go on sale in the Ukraine shortly thanks to the entrepreneur, Grigoriy Chausovsky. !"#$ *'.)'8/$ +,#$ 4-%%#)$ &-%" /:#*-+5$ /#./',/$ %"+%$ ,#9-/%#,$ &"#. %"#$*'.)'8$-/$:7%$'.=$%,+./8-%%-.9 /-9.+5/$ %'$ +$ 8-.-+%7,#$ /:#+G#,$ -. %"#$ 0+/#$ '4$ %"#$ *'.)'8$ %"+%$ 9'#/ '.$%'$:5+1$+$8#5')1< !"#$ *'.)'8/$ "+O#$ 0##. )#/-9.#)$%'$:5+1$5'7)#,$+.)$4+/%#, &-%"$ -.*,#+/#)$ /:##)$ '4$ 8'O#( 8#.%=$+/$5'O#,/$,#+*"$*5-8+E<

Caleb Woodridge Reporter

Just in Time A US woman from Denver Colorado caught an eightmonth-old baby as it dangled from a third-floor balcony.

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JULY 2006: A+7.*"#/$/#O#.$8-//-5#/$-.%'$%"#$>#+$'4$R+:+.<

Fears for Uganda’s Peace

HOSTILITIES HAVE resumed between the Ugandan Army and Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) in northern Uganda, despite peace talks. !"#$ %&'()#*+)#$ &+,$ -.$ %"#$ .',%" "+/$0##.$)#/*,-0#)$01$23$'44-*-+5/$+/ 6'.#$'4$%"#$&',/%$"78+.(,-9"%/$*,-/#/ '4$%"#$:+/%$*#.%7,1;<$ 2.)#,$+$,#*#.%$*#+/#4-,#$+9,##8#.%= ,#0#5/$"+)$7.%-5$>#:%#80#,$?@ %'$ &-%"),+&$ %'$ .#7%,+5 *+8:/$ -.$ /'7%"#,. >7)+.<$ 3'&$ %"# 29+.)+.$ 8-5-%+,1 "+/$,#/78#)$':#,+( %-'./$ %'$ "7.%$ )'&.

ABC ,#0#5/<$ D#5-E$F75+1-91#= +.$+,81$/:'G#/8+.= /+-)H$ 6!"#$ 2IJD K29+.)+.$ I#':5#L/ J#4#.*#$ D',*#M$ "+/ ,#/78#)$ -%/$ )7%1$ %'$ )#4#.) %"#$29+.)+.$:#':5#<$ 6N#$ "+O#$ 9'.#$ 0+*G$ %'$ %"#$ :'/-( %-'./$ &#$ "+)$ &-%"),+&.$ 4,'8$ 7.)#, %"#$*#//+%-'.$'4$"'/%-5-%1$+9,##8#.%<;$ ABC )#:7%1$ *"-#4$ P-.*#.%$ Q%%-

*5+-8#)$%"+%$%"#1$.##)#)$8',#$%-8#$%' 8'O#$%,'':/<$ !"#$ ABC -/$ 5#)$ 01$ R'/#:"$ F'.1= &"'$*5+-8/$%'$0#$+$/:-,-%(8#)-78=$+.) :,+*%-*#/$ +$ 8-E%7,#$ '4$ #5#8#.%/$ 4,'8 S",-/%-+.-%1=$T/5+8$+.)$&-%*"*,+4%<$!"# ABC &-/"#/$ %'$ #/%+05-/"$ %"#'*,+%-* ,75#$-.$%"#$*'7.%,1<$ !"#$ABC "+/$+0)7*%#)$%"'7/+.)/$'4 *"-5),#.$+.)$4',*#)$%"#8$%'$4-9"%=$+.)

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

!"#$!"#$$

7

FEATURES

OCTOBER.09.2006 FEATUREAS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Suicide in the Modern World KURT: For some, a suicide icon. INSET: one of the ‘falling men’

I

n the year 2000, a suicide took place every 40 seconds. This amounts to a dramatic one million suicides globally in just one year. Scary statistics? Yes, but this isn’t the full picture; for every person that successfully took their own life, there were twenty that failed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8

!"#$!"#$$

EDITORIAL & OPINION

OCTOBER.09.2006 OPINION@!"#$!"#$$.COM

%$&&%&!$' !"#$%&'(#$&)$!"#$!"#$$

Proper Direct-ion STUDENTS’ UNION elections are always controversial. Here at Cardiff we’ve had our fair share of mishaps: last March’s voting was marred by disciplinary procedures and delayed counts. At the time the issues seemed relatively important, but when compared to the situation in Manchester, our controversies pale into insignificance. *"#$(,4;';,!#$#2#(!#;$'4!&$!"# 1&0'!'&4$&)$#;'!&.$&)$!"#$0!6;#4!

4#:01,1#.$",;$4#%#.$:&.A#;$)&.$!"# 1,1#.$B#)&.#3$M#$",;$4#%#.$#F1#.'9 #4(#;$!"#$0!.#00$&)$;#,;2'4#$4'5"!$&. ;#,2!$:'!"$!"#$"64;.#;0$&)$%&264!##.0 :"&$5'%#$61$!"#'.$!'+#$;,/$'4E$;,/ &6!$!&$1.&;6(#$L!6;#4!$Q'.#(!E$&4#$&) !"#$\KH0$2,.5#0!$0!6;#4!$4#:01,1#.03 C!H0$",.;$!&$'+,5'4#$"&:$!"# W,4(64',4$0!6;#4!$#2#(!&.,!#$(&62; B#$0&$4,]%#$,0$!&$#2#(!$06("$,4$'4#F9 1#.'#4(#;$1#.0&43$ *"#$0#4'&.$#;'!&.',2$!#,+E$:"& ",%#$0!#11#;$;&:4$'4$1.&!#0!$,!$!"# #;'!&.H0$,22#5#;$'4(&+1#!#4(#E B#2'#%#$!",!$'!$:,0$+,00$0611&.! ).&+$!"#$\4'%#.0'!/H0$^___90!.&45 C02,+'($0&('#!/E$:"'("$"#21#;$L,-'; V,)'D$0#(6.#$%'(!&./3$*"#/$(2,'+$!",! !"#$G02,!#H %&!'45$0/0!#+$60#;$'4$!"# W,.("$#2#(!'&40$"#21#;$!"#$5.&61$!& 06((#00)622/$#2#(!$V,)'D$'4!&$!"# 1&0'!'&43 Q'0.#5,.;'45$V,)'DH0$1&2'!'(,2 %'#:0$)&.$,$+&+#4!E$!"'0$.,'0#0$,4 '+1&.!,4!$'006#$,B&6!$!"#$G02,!#H %&!9 '45$0/0!#+$:"'("$+,4/$0!6;#4!0H 64'&40$60#$!&$#2#(!$!"#'.$0,BB,!'(,2 &))'(#.03$C)$'!$(,4$B#$0&$#,0'2/$+,4'19 62,!#;$B/$2,.5#$5.&610$&)$1#&12#$!& #2#(!$(,4;';,!#0$:"&$+,/$4&!$B#$!"# B#0!$+,4$)&.$!"#$-&BE$0"&62;$!"#/ +&%#$!&$,$;'))#.#4!$0/0!#+T *"#$,40:#.T$`#03$M#.#$,!$=,.;')) :#$60#$!"#$L'452#$*.,40)#.,B2#$>&!# 0/0!#+$:"#.#B/$%&!#.H0$.,4A$!"# (,4;';,!#0$0!,4;'45$'4$&.;#.$&)$1.#)9 #.#4(#3$*"'0$,22&:0$#%#./$0!6;#4!H0 0#2#(!'&4$!&$B#$(&40';#.#;3$C!$'0$!"# +&0!$;#+&(.,!'($:,/$)&.$0!6;#4!0$!& #2#(!$!"#'.$0,BB,!'(,2$&))'(#.0$,4;$') 64'&40$:"&$60#$!"#$(&4!.&%#.0',2 G02,!#H 0/0!#+$;&$4&!$(",45#$!"#/ +,/$),(#$0'!6,!'&40$),.$:&.0#$!",4 (6..#4!2/$B#'45$#F1#.'#4(#;$'4 W,4("#0!#.3 70$:#22$,0$,;&1!'45$,$+&.#$;#+&9 (.,!'($%&!'45$0/0!#+E$0!6;#4!H0 64'&40E$'4(26;'45$&6.0E$+60!$,20&$;& +&.#$!&$#;6(,!#$!"#$#2#(!&.,!#3$@# +60!$+,A#$!"#+$64;#.0!,4;$!"# '+1&.!,4(#$&)$%&!'45$'4$0!6;#4!$#2#(9 !'&40E$,4;$!"#$'+1&.!,4(#$&)$%&!'45 )&.$!"#$.'5"!$(,4;';,!#3$@#$+60! +,A#$!"#+$64;#.0!,4;$!"#$(&40#9 D6#4(#0$&)$4&!$%&!'45$&.$%&!'45$)&. !"#$:.&45$(,4;';,!#3 Z%#.$!"#$4#F!$!:&$:##A0$=,.;')) L!6;#4!0H \4'&4$:'22$B#$),(#;$:'!" !"'0$(",22#45#3$@'!"$!"#$B/9#2#(!'&40 (&+'45$61$!"#$0,BB,!'(,2$&))'(#.0 :'22$",%#$!&$;&$,22$!"#/$(,4$!&$#406.# %&!#.0$;&$!"#'.$-&B$,4;$#2#(!$!"#$.'5"! (,4;';,!#0$)&.$!"#$.'5"!$4&490,BB,!'9 (,2$1&0'!'&403$ Q6.'45$!"#0#$4#F!$)#:$:##A0$2#!H0 4&!$;&$:",!$W,4(64',4$0!6;#4!0 ",%#$;&4#3$R#!H0$4&!$,22&:$!"#$:.&45 (,4;';,!#$!&$0#(6.#$%'(!&./$B#(,60# "#$&.$0"#$",0$,$B'55#.$B,(A'45$).&+ ).'#4;0$&.$0&('#!'#03$P%#4$!"&65"$:#

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

Fee-fi-foe-glum ANOTHER DAY, another story about student fees. Since Westminster passed the Higher Education Bill allowing universities to charge up to £3,000 a year, we’ve not stopped talking about them. @#0!+'40!#.$,4;$!"#$@#20" 700#+B2/$",%#$;'))#.'45$%'#:0$,B&6! :"&$0"&62;$1,/$)&.$"'5"#.$#;6(,9 !'&43$Z%#.$'4$R&4;&4$!"#/$!"'4A$!",! !"#$0!6;#4!0$0"&62;$)&&!$!"#$B'22S$"#.# '4$!"#$@#20"$(,1'!,2$1&2'!'(',40 B#2'#%#$'!H0$!"#'.$;6!/$!&$1,/$)&.$!"# "'5"#.$#;6(,!'&4$&)$!"#'.$('!'J#403 *"#$5&%#.4+#4!$5&!$,$2&!$&)$B,; 1.#00$&%#.$!"#'.$;#('0'&4$!&$1,00$!&19 61$)##0S$'4$(&+1,.'0&4$+,4/$",%# ",'2#;$!"#$@#20"$700#+B2/H0$0611&.! &)$@#20"$0!6;#4!03$M&:#%#.E$",0$!"# a.'4('1,2'!/H0$0!,4(#$(&+#$.&64;$!& B'!#$!"#+$'4$!"#$B6+E$!&$60#$06("$, (.,0#$1".,0#T b.&+$4#F!$/#,.$!"#$700#+B2/H0 5#4#.&60$(&4!.'B6!'&40$!&:,.;0 @#20"$0!6;#4!0H 64'%#.0'!/$#;6(,!'&4 :'22$B#$#F!#4;#;$!&$P6.&1#,4$0!69 ;#4!0$!&&3$7 4'(#$!"&65"!E$,22$/&6 P452'0"[$L(&!!'0"[$c&.!"#.4$C.'0"$0!69 ;#4!0$!"'4A3$NP452,4;H0[$L(&!2,4;H0[ c&.!"#.4$C02,4;H0$'4$!"#$P\$0&$CH22 !,A#$!",!$A'4;$)'4,4(',2$&))#.3O 86!$,2,0$!"'0$'04H!$!"#$(,0#3$*"# 700#+B2/$,.#4H!$#F!#4;'45$'!$!& P452'0"[$L(&!'0"[$c&.!"#.4$C.'0"$0!69 ;#4!03$C!H0$-60!$)&.$!"#$&!"#.$P\$0!69 ;#4!03$L&$:"/$4&!$60$!"#4T$C!H0$,22$!& ;&$:'!"$,$2'!!2#$A4&:$!.#,!/$:"'(" 0,/0$!",!$P\$+#+B#.$0!,!#0$+60! !.#,!$!"&0#$).&+$&!"#.$P\$+#+B#.

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BORAT: He very funny man who make Kazakhstan much proud

Thank you, please '(#.-&6(.,) )1"7.%)-&,()&(37$3#&$5&!"#$% '$()%&"%*&)1+8".%-&($9&(.-&-344)--&"4,3"88: *)+)%*-&$%&-3/,8),:&

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acha Baron Cohen’s latest film, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, has had almost exclusively negative press for months, but when it opens on November 3, it’s almost guaranteed huge audiences. Its inevitable success stems from Baron Cohen being exceptionally good at what he does, whether you’re there for the perceptive satire or the crude knob jokes. *"#$+,-&.'!/$&)$!"#$(.'!'('0+$,112'#0 !&$ !"#$ )&.+#.3$ *.,%#22'45$ !".&65" 7+#.'(,$ ,0$ 8&.,!$ 9$ (&+12#!#$ :'!"$ .#,2 +&60!,("#$ ,4;$ 4#%#.9:,0"#;$ 06'!$ < 8,.&4$ =&"#4$ !#220$ ,$ (.&:;$ ,!$ , >'.5'4',4$.&;#&$!",!$"#$"&1#0$?#&.5#$@ 860"$ ;.'4A0$ !"#$ B2&&;$ &)$ C.,D'0E$ :"#4 2&&A'45$ )&.$ ,$ "&60#$ #F12,'40$ !",!$ "'0 :')#$ '0$ ,).,';$ &)$ G+,4$ :'!"$ ("&(&2,!# ),(#HE$,4;$,0A0$,$+,.!',2$,.!0$'40!.6(!&. !&$0"&:$"'+$"&:$B#0!$!&$;#)#4;$"'+0#2) ,5,'40!$!"#$GI#:$(2,:HE$#2'('!'45$,$:';# %,.'#!/$&)$.#,(!'&403 7+&45$ !"#$ +&0!$ (&4!.&%#.0',2 .#01&40#0$ ,.#$ !"#$ (60!&+#.0$ &)$ ,4 7.'J&4,$B,.$0'45'45$,2&45$!&$!"#$G!.,;'9 !'&4,2$ K,J,A"$ ("'2;.#4H0$ 0&45H !"#$% &"'( )'%( *$%+( !"'( ,'-- <$ &4#$ :&+,4 #%#4$ +,A'45$ ;#%'2$ "&.4$ 0'540$ :'!"$ "#. )'45#.0$&4$!"#$2'4#$G/&6$+60!$5.,B$"'+ B/$"'0$"&.40H 9$,4;$:"#4$,$.,4("$&:4#.

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9

EDITORIAL & OPINION

OCTOBER.09.2006 OPINION@!"#$!"#$$.COM

The Whole World in His hands !"#$%&'(()%*+),$&"*,-$.&/0"/&/0$&1+2+3,&(4&5(#+/+6.&"3)&4"+/07&80$3& $2$6-/$)&6(**$6/#97&+.&$..$3/+"#&+4&"&*$"#&)+44$*$36$&+.&/(&%$&1")$&+3&/0$&8(*#)&&

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eligion and politics - two topics never to discuss in polite company. And while to talk about one of these may be unfortunate, to mix the two together is often seen as not just careless but downright dangerous. !"#$%&'$(%")%$&&%*+(%,'-(%.&)./&%0&" $)% -&12)3$% *+&-% 4'5"+% '-6% .)/5"57$ &-"*5-&8% 9+&% :13$'6&$% '1&% '% "&115;/& 1&,5-6&1% )4% "+&% &25/% "+'"% 7'-% ;&% 6)-& *+&-% "+&% "*)% ;&7),&% 7)-43$&6<% '-6 '1&% '% "&115;/&% ,)-3,&-"% ")% "+& ,&65&2'/% 7+317+#$% ;/5-6-&$$% ")% "+& "&'7+5-0$%)4%=&$3$8% >"%"+&%&-6%)4%/'$"%(&'1<%!"#$%$&'((?$ @6% A'-$")-&% '103&6B% C!"#$% "5,&% "+'" 1&/505)3$% ;&/5&4$% $")..&6% 3-6&1,5-5-0 6&,)71'7(8D% E15"5-0% ';)3"% "+& &3"+'-'$5'% 6&;'"&<% +&% 7'//&6% )-% 3$% ") C$"'-6%3.%")%"+&%1&/505)3$%'-6%450+"%4)1 )31%7525/%/5;&1"5&$8D%F)1%$),&<%;15-05-0 1&/505)-%5-")%.)/5"57'/%6&;'"&%5$%7/&'1/( '%-)G-)8% H),&% )4% "+&% I3&$"5)-$% A'-$")-& 1'5$&6%';)3"%"+&%1)/&%)4%J5$+).$%5-%"+& K)3$&%)4%L)16$%*&1&%4'51%&-)30+8%J3" 54% +&% *&1&% ")% ;&% 7)-$5$"&-"<% "+&-% +& *)3/6% +'2&% ")% &M7/36&% '//% ;&/5&4% $($G "&,$% 41),% .)/5"57$<% 5-7/365-0% +5$% )*$&/4G7)-4&$$&6% C"&&"+G0-'$+5-0% '"+&G 5$,D8%% 9+&1&%5$%-)%-&3"1'/%.)$5"5)-%41&&%)4 .+5/)$).+57'/<% &"+57'/% '-6% 1&/505)3$ '$$3,."5)-$% '-6% .1&$3..)$5"5)-$8% !4'7"<% ,'-(% .)/5"57'/% 5$$3&$% 5-2)/2& I3&$"5)-$% )4% ,)1'/5"(<% +3,'-% -'"31&< '-6%"+&%.31.)$&%)4%$)75&"(%'-6%+3,'-G

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s Tony Blairâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ten year term as Prime Minister draws to a close, the media is attempting, for one final time, to bring New Labour into disrepute. As the summer has gone on, I have noted every day while reading the newspapers that both media and public opinion is dramatically changing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!"#$"%&'("#'$)*"*$"+ What do you think about these topics?

Let us know. Email letters@gairrhydd.com

!"#$!"#$$

11

COMMENT

OCTOBER.09.2006 COMMENT@!"#$!"#$$.COM

!"#$%&'(#) ! !!

The wrong way to march

! !!

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alking home, two shadyblokes approach you in a mid range saloon. They coast alongside, lowering the window, and call out.

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gair rhydd

FREE

GUARDIAN STUDEN T NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

ISSUE 821 OCTOBER 2 2006 CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY free word - EST. 1972

QUENCH BRINGS YOU HOLLYWOOD Get

Q U E N C H

QUENC

H.GAIR

RHYDD

.COM

> VOL 4.42 > OCT 02 2006

GUARDIAN STUDENT MAGAZINE OF THE YEAR

your slice of the action free insid e

Quench

goes to HOLLY WOOD FILM FROLI

WELSH CS WITH PRANS DIRTY TERS BACK SANCHEZ ON THE INTER BIG SCREE VIEWS N WE UNRAV ARE RIGHT EL THE AT TRUTH OF THIS YOUR DOOR BLOCK BUSTE R

Student falls from Union balcony while queuing to register for IMG FULL STORY: BACK PAGE

SANDMAN

Student conned for £200 on Woointo buying a bag of sand dville Road

By Katie Kennedy News

Photo: Sarah Day

n October 29th this year the union wants to send 100 coachloads of students down to London to campaign against the cap coming off top up fees in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

Editor motorist. in bubble wrap to The two men inside suggest the lapthe vehicle top “It is likely to be a showed A STUDENT who was brand new. thought he looked the student a laptop that could be buying stolenscam or you He later discover was buying a brand brand new, and asked that it did not property. him contain a new “These things often for a bargain pricenew laptop if he wanted to buy computer, but conit for happen around freshers’ week tained a bag of sand. walked away with of £200 The student said he £200. when peodid a box of but ple try to con new PC Bob sand. did not have the money want to students. on him. University’s Keohane, Cardiff “If the same sort The conmen then The student was student liason officer, of thing does conned happen walking down Woodville while drive him to the cash offered to warned students to be wary of peo- should to other students, they point Road so he ple offering in could withdraw Cathays on September record any vehicle this sort of deal. the money.

13, after tion and get descriptionsregistraHe being stopped After the student by a passing had paid the peoplesaid: “Use common sense if people of the men he was handed who approach sold you the you offering the a box covered goods police know straight item. Let to buy for very cheap prices.

The student declined away” to make an

!"#$!"#$$

LETTERS

OCTOBER.09.2006 LETTERS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

letters@gairrhydd.com This has been a slow week for letters. Where have all the angry students gone?

This week we have the serious issues of Neighbours, Eggheads and flip-flops to contend with. Get writing and have your voices heard...

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I don’t want to watch Eggheads now, OK? !" /'?$" 73" ('1)$7-&$" &'" 8+&)<" !" .$-//3 2'<" U$-//3<" V1&" )'7$&+7$)" $%'15(" +) $%'15(<"0$*(%+*-//3"!W7"&($")/-*=$."+% &($"('1)$4",-+."$%'15("81&"#($%$?$."!

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But who was the informant who leaked our sordid affair to the press?

and an anal tear, pants!

I have a period planner on the campest phone ever. I’m due apparently. I’m also a boy.

My eyes are peeholes. Ma’s snoring is phenomenal!

It has been far too long since we laid our Arab eyes on one another.

Get over it.

I have thrush

(You have provided gay).

I am the mystery man and I’m starstruck.

Big up the Merthyr Martyrs! We need toasties.

!"#!$%&''())*+,-'

Neighbours become bad friends

13

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Enough with the flip-flops.

It’s autumn!

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POLITICS

OCTOBER.09.2006 POLITICS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

U.S.eless Curse of celebrity

Andy Rennison Political Editor

P

olitically, America doesn’t have a whole lot left to teach us. We have learned that a two-party system can leave you with a pair of utterly useless candidates for office, and following their election, the winner can do and say whatever they like regardless of how stupid it is, and the opposition can fade into the background letting out only the occasional whimper. @(4#%$'"2'$'"(.$0#%#-2+$+#..&%$"2. ,##%$'"&-&;0"+5$'2;0"'$2+-#2857$('$(. .;-/-(.(%0$ '&$ .##$ O2%?$ ;/&%$ O2%? ';-%(%0$ ;/$ 2'$ '"#$ /2-'5$ *&%)#-#%*#. '"(.$5#2-<$$D+(%'&%$0(4(%0$2$*"2-3(%0 288-#..$ 2'$ '"#$ P2,&;-$ -2++5$ 62.%E' '"2'$2+2-3(%07$2.$"#$2%8$!&%5$"24#$2 G./#*(2+$ -#+2'(&%."(/E 2++$ &)$ '"#(&6%< >;'$ '"#$ '-#%8$ (.$ ./-#28(%0<$ !"(.

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Tim Hewish Political Correspondent

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istening to Rupert Everett comment on Thursday’s The Politics Show, his words struck a moral chord of which the world should take note. In premise, it was an attack on the ideology of ‘celebrity’, which has apparently polluted the first world (for want of a better word). !"#$ %&'(&%$ &)$ *#+#,-('(#.$ /&.(%0$ (% 1)-(*2$ '&$ /-&3&'#$ /&4#-'5$ 62.7 2**&-8(%0$'&$9-$:4#-#''7$;%8#-3(%(%0 .&+;'(&%.$ '&$ -#8;*(%0$ /&4#-'5$ &%$ '"2' *&%'(%#%'<$ !&$"(37$'"#$*#+#,$6&-+8$(.$328#$;/ &)$ 1=+(.'#-.$ 2%8$ >=+(.'#-.7$ 2%8$ '"(. .28+5$ (.$ '"#$ 625$ 6#$ .;,*&%.*(&;.+5 4(#6$*(4(+(.2'(&%$(%$'"(.$825$2%8$20#<$ 9-$ :4#-#''$ ./&?#$ &)$ ;.$ "(8(%0 ,#"(%8$'"#$42+#$&)$'"#$@+&,2+$A;%8$2%8 &'"#-$ .;*"$ &-02%(.2'(&%.$ '&$ -#+(#4# .&3#$&)$&;-$0;(+'<$ B$'&'2++5$20-##$6('"$'"#.#$#5#=&/#%= (%0$.'2'#3#%'.$2%8$)##+$'"2'$6#$(%$'"# 6#.'$.;))#-$)-&3$6"2'$B$8##3$2.$3(8= 8+#=*+2..$ 0;(+'7$ 6"#-#,5$ 6#$ 0(4#$ '6& /&;%8.$ 2$ 3&%'"7$ &)'#%$ 0-;80(%0+57$ '& '"#$32%$(%$'"#$.'-##'$6"&$"2.$.'&//#8 5&;-$ /-&0-#..$ '&$ 6&-?7$ 2%8$ "&/#$ '"2' '"(.$62."#.$5&;-$*&%.*(#%*#$*+#2-$;%'(+ '"#$%#C'$3&%'"<$

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VICTIMS : but do we give aid only because of our celebrity culture?

!"#$!"#$$

POLITICS

OCTOBER.09.2006

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

POLITICS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Simon Hughes MP • Elected to Parliament in the 1983 Bermondsey byelection. The contest was notorious for the homophobia directed towards Labour candidate Peter Tatchell by opposing parties. Mr Hughes has since apologised for his part.

• Has held various posts, including spokesman for Education and Home Affairs.

• Ran unsuccessfully for Mayor of London in 2004 • Has run twice for leadership of the Lib Dems • Is currently MP for North Southwark and Bermondsey, as well as holding several posts at the top of the party.

Presidential material

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OCTOBER.09.2006 MEDIA@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Chameleon Kate goes black

MEDIA

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17

ABOVE: The ‘most mesmerizing woman on the planet.

BELOW: RED Independent uses the controversial fashion icon for their latest edition. INSET: Beauty and the Beast

18 !"#$!"#$$

JOBS & MONEY

OCTOBER.09.2006 JOBS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Getting ready for the world of work

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Certificate Of Professional Development O3%+%'/+%'"3+%%'-+)#;1')0'X!#;%+ !C,**1X',&'"3,1'123%9%='G .)99#&,2/",)&7'F%+1)&/* Y00%2",:%&%11'/&$'R%/$%+13,;='Y/23')0 "3%1%'*%/$1'")'/'2%+",0,2/"%'"3/"',1 1,-&%$'<),&"*4'54'"3%'(,2%G.3/&2%**)+ )0'"3%'6&,:%+1,"4'/&$'"3%'F+%1,$%&"')0 "3%'!"#$%&"1Z'6&,)&='O)'/23,%:%'/ .%+",0,2/"%')0'F+)0%11,)&/* S%:%*);9%&"'4)#'&%%$'")'/""%&$'/&$ /2",:%*4'"/C%';/+"',&'"3%'0,:%'2)+%'1%-G 9%&"1'#&$%+'%/23'!#;%+'!C,**='[)# 9/4'8)+C'")8/+$1'/23,%:,&-'/**'"3+%% -+)#;1',0'4)#'8,13='N0'4)#';+%0%+'&)"

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he Student Development Programme is a curriculum of essential â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;softâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; and personal skills which are not only of benefit to you as a student, but are those upon which employers place real value in today's fast-flowing and competitive world.

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STD: First aid for your CV

SVC: Go anywhere, even under stick bridges

Student Volunteering in Cardiff University

W

e all know the student stereotype: daytime television, cheap beer and lots of sleep. But there is plenty you can do to beat the apathy, such as clubs, societies and parttime jobs. In fact, Student Volunteering Cardiff incorporates all of these elements and is a worthwhile option to consider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19

JOBS & MONEY

OCTOBER.09.2006 JOBS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Attack of the clones

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Protect yourself STEP ONE Location V1#% 3.0% (% -()'% 5(-'&+"% &+)&,"% #'" *(+;%&3%1.))&*2"%()%#'"0"%(0"%2&;"27%#. *"% 5.0"% -(5"0()% 6(#-'&+<% ./"0 7.48 STEP TWO Have a good feel G./"%7.40%3&+<"0)%./"0%#'"%-(0,%)2.# #.%-'"-;%3.0%(+7%(*+.05(2&#&")%2&;"%( 92..1= .0%-2.+&+<%,"/&)"8 STEP THREE Hands down :'&"2,% 7.40% -(0,$% (% -(5"0(% 1'.+" -(+% "()&27% #(;"% (% Q4&-;% 1&-#40"% .3 7.40% -(0,% +45*"0)8% X0(4,)#"0)% ,. +.#% +"",% #.% 3.0<"% 7.40% )&<+(#40" (+75.0"$%3&+,&+<%.4#%7.40%RDS%(+, )#"(2&+<%7.40%-(0,%5(;")%&#%"()&"0%#.

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Simbec is currently recruiting volunteers to take part in clinical studies

Why not try something new today!

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21

SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT

OCTOBER.09.2006 SCIENCE@!"#$!"#$$.COM

How to survive a plane crash

!"#$%&'()*+,$-.+/'#$#+%-0+1(&+&-+%-0$+12,#&%3#4&+-5#)()*+&#6')(70# 6-048+12"#+%-0$+4(,#+()+&'#+1(&02&(-)+#"#$%+2#$-542)#+5211#)*#$+8$#281 Ceri Morgan Science & Environment Editor

A

world leading expert has developed a guide to surviving plane crashes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

PASSENGER PLANES: statistically the bigger the aircraft, the safer it is.

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Final cold cure?

Brychan Govier Deputy Science Editor

R visit www.thereddragoncentre.co.uk

esearchers from Warwick University are closing in on the ‘holy grail’ of flu vaccinations; a vaccine that can combat all strains of the influenza virus.

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22

HEALTH

OCTOBER.09.2006 HEALTH@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Is walking good enough excercise?

D

oes your daily walk to lectures make up your weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s exercise?

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Chewing gum could help you get better grades Liz Stauber Health Editor

A

recent study has suggested that the rhythmic action of chewing gum can actually help improve focus, concentration and alertness.

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Bless you!

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gairrhydd

23

TELEVISION

OCTOBER.09.2006 TV@gairrhydd.COM

This Week’s Twisters among the Shouters: October 9th-15th

Dance The Shite Away Saturday Night Viewing Gets Tangoed Once Again

HOT

NOT

Union sandwich offer:If you buy 5 sarnies from the union shop, get a stamp for each, then you get a FREE SANDWICH. TV Neil and I are sharing stamps so we get free stuff quicker. I hope we can amicably decided on which free sandwich we choose when it comes to it.

Soaps I alluded towards it last week, but the eve of Fred Elliott’s nuptials could send almost as many ructions through the cobbles of Wetherfield as if the baldy butcher’s bulbous behind had actually plummeted to the floor, in Coronation Street. Torn between the old barmaid and the old hairdresser, which will he choose? I don’t know, because Gareth McLean over at Radio Times seems jealous that he’s not simply known as TV Gareth, and writes his soap teasers in virtually in code.

Bastard. Emmerdale goes with the groundbreaking storyline of having a pregnant woman with unusual cravings. The most unusual thing that Viv could crave is to not be a complete stuck-up slag. And apparently Perdy and Matthew get close.

I DON’T KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE!!

Ear infections: This reminds me how crucial it is to have two ears, as I’m currently walking around in circles and nearly falling over with every step. And antibiotics means no drinking or that if i do drink, one pint has the same effect on me as a shot of heroin. I’m really snotty aswell!

A

nother Strictly Come Dancing, another batch of celebrities who weren’t good enough to make last years roll call.

However, the BBC are no goofballs, and they know a winning formula when they’ve used it year after year. So using the same dotto-dot-a-dance-a-thon guide that any celebrity dance show of the past forever has done, we’re provided with essentially the same celebrities, only with different names and alternative HILARIOUS anecdotes.

So we have the goalkeeper, the cricketer, the rugby player, the soap stars, the newscaster, the pop stars and

Fudge Tunnel 72

the “...who the fuck are they”s.

The most notable of this year’s inclusions is Peter ‘Schmikes’ Schmeichel. The best goalkeeper of the 1990s probably hasn’t been informed that his nemesis David Seaman starred in ‘Strictly Dance On Ice You Bastards’ last year.

Other than that, Jimmy Tarbuck’s in it aswell. I will not insinuate that he’s probably relishing the chance of getting his hands on some supple young thing, but just look at his face up there. Exactly.

Bascially this is all going to be rubbish and just another example of the usage of celebrities to prop up

a dismal program concept. Though I’m sure it’ll get ‘ratings’ and it’ll be back again next year. Joy-oh-joy.

But at least I’ll be gone and won’t have to write about it (I don’t necessarily mean ‘gone’ as in dead, we can but hope). There are representatives from Eastenders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale and Casualty which means your mum will probably watch it and that’s another good reason to be glad you’ve left home.

Let’s try hope for once. Extras (BBC2, Thursday 9pm) is predictably good, and i think Gervais gets off with Sir Ian McKellen this week. Speaking of which, I’m off home to watch this week’s episode and die from my ear drum d o w n wa r d s .

L o v e A l way s xxxx

DVDS TO RENT/BUY Thank You For Smoking. Smug cigarette spokesman gets into several minor (and one major) scrape through his line of work. Can he sort out his public and personal problems, in hilarious fashion? Crucially, this film includes all the key components of indie-hip cinema in 2006I. The most noteworthy thing about Thank You For Smoking is it's length. That is, very short. Big deals were made about Katie Holmes sex scenes being cut out, presumably at the request of crazed overlord Tom Cruise. Given this film is only about 80 minutes long, I can't imagine they were half an hour long. although given the utterly laughable replacement we were served up, maybe they were. In general though, TYFS was amusing, but not funny.

Pacey, but bugger all happened, and knob-all seemed to be made of the

fact that Nick had several cigarette related injuries, but this was made light of when he was testifying in court. Hmmm. Still, Adam Brody from The OC was in it, playing Seth in a Suit, much like he did in Mr and Mrs Smith. And Rob Lowe, playing Rob Lowe in a Kimono. Which is more than OK with me.

Film Seriously, I know nothing. I quite liked The Truman Show, but not really enough to be tempted to sit down for another couple of hours.

I’d rather watch half a series of a sitcom. I’ve got the new Green Wing boxset, so I could just watch a couple of episodes of that. So I will. And all the films are on Sky anyway.

Sport A week of international football and a match that Wales stand a chance of winning, playing host to Slovakia in our (I mean your) fair city (Saturday, 2.30pm, Sky Sports 1). Meanwhile, the BBC gives the public what it wants and screens the England v Macedonia match (4.45pm, BBC1). Or the biggest match of the weekend?

My return to Welton Rovers! YEH!

Radio I’d like to take this opportunity to say just how good Huw Stephens’ new Radio 1 show is (Thurs, 12am-2am). Whilst Connor off of Neighbours has taken over the evenings’ listening with mainstream indie bollocks, our native Huw’s show brings the best in unsigned music. Each week featuring a Maida Vale session by a super new band and a spotlight on a DIY label, every track is completely different, flitting between drum and bass and ‘indie’ at will and at no point stopping anywhere near The Kooks. Though highly unlikely that you’ll like every track that’s played, I guarantee that each song will be a lot more exciting than all of Radio 1’s daytime programming combined.

24 !"#$!"#$$

MONDAY

OCTOBER.09.2006 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

BBC1 5:35pm

5')4'1,.%",56)4"1 51'7" BBC2 9:50am

6:00am Breakfast TV Ellen hopes you refer to yourself in the third person too 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Lazytown 3:50pm Maya and Miguel 4:15pm Crush 4:40pm The Batman The Batman? sounds a bit like he suddenly got a knighthood. Which he should. 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours Robert: Master of disguise. Puts on a hat, Oh he is a cab driver. Puts on a lab coat, Oh he is a astro physicist.

Won’t they kill him already.

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Holiday 2006 7:30pm Open All Hours 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Rogue Traders 9:00pm Spooks 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Graham Norton's Bigger Picture 11:15pm Film 2006 with Jonathan Ross 11:45pm The Lawless Heart A heart that robs banks 1:25am Sign Zone:Galapagos 2:15am Sign Zone:Home 3:15am Sign Zone:York Minster 3:45am Joins BBC News 24 My wisdom tooth is coming through sideways. Thats not right.

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Time Warp Trio 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 9:00am Autumnwatch 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Gordon the Garden Gnome 10:00am Big Cook Little Cook 10:20am Pingu 10:30am Let's Write a Story 10:50am Let's Write a Story No. You write a fucking story. And get back to me. 11:10am The Maths Channel - Year 5 11:20am The Maths Channel - Year 5 11:30am Shakespeare: Animated Tales 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm What? Where?

When? Why? 1:15pm Something Special 1:30pm Coast: Northern Ireland - Strangford Lough 1:35pm Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing Yer if you’ve got someone it is, if you dont then love is a barrow of gone off mayonnaise. 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two 7:00pm Doctor Thompson's Casebook 7:30pm York Minster 8:00pm Autumnwatch 9:00pm Nuremberg: The Nazis on Trial 10:00pm Bryn Terfel's Faenol Festival 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm The Great Plane Robbery? 11:50pm Never Mind the Full Stops 12:20am Joins BBC News 24 1:00am BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel:Talk Italian 1-6 2:30am Italy Inside Out 1-5 5:00am Italian Journey

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Meg and Mog 3:05pm Pocoyo 3:15pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:30pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:45pm Spongebob Squarepants 4:00pm Jungle Run 4:30pm My Parents are Aliens 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show: X Factor Special 6:00pm ITV Wales News and Weather 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wales This Week 8:30pm Coronation Street 9:00pm Life Begins 10:00pm The Complete Guide to Parenting Remember spare the rod and spoil the child, or my phrase “spare the acid in the face and spoil the child.” 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm A Date with Destiny Destiny does not put out. 11:30pm The Guest List 12:00am Tonight with Trevor McDonald Apparently he had a bit of a cry the other day. Except no where on the internet will tell me why! Why Trevor WHY DID U CRY. Did someone die? Did a chicken eat your pie? 12:25am ITV Play: The Mint 4:35am I Want That House 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News I want to listen to The Bronx and my CD player has run out of batteryies.

6:05am Making It 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Teen Tycoons 10:00am Tricky Business Two 10:30am Big Squeeze 11:00am The Market 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:30pm Wake of the Red Witch 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder 8:00pm Dispatches: Britain's Mental Health Scandal 9:00pm Wife Swap 10:00pm Without a Trace 11:00pm Without a Trace 12:00am Party Poker.com Late Night Poker Ace 1:00am Keane: Live in Chicago 2:05am Jump Tomorrow 3:45am Reasons to be Cheerful Erm... Oh god what happened to my enthusiasm and lust for life. I think it died when Jimbob did. I loved him, like he was my child.

Except he was my plant. 4:00am Star Maths 2 4:10am Star Maths 2 4:20am Star Maths 3 4:30am Star Maths 3 4:40am Star Maths 3 4:50am Star Maths 3 5:00am Star Maths 3 5:10am Star Maths 3 5:20am Maths Mansion 5:30am Maths Mansion 5:40am Maths Mansion 5:50am Maths Mansion

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Franny's Feet 8:40am Bird Bath 8:50am My First... 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm The Killing of Randy Webster 3:30pm The Golden Gate Murders 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:15pm The Gadget Show 8:00pm Fifth Gear 9:00pm Extraordinary People: Britain's Identical Quads Apparently it happens to one in a million people. How incredibly fascinating. Excuse me while i stare at some paint.

10:00pm Banged Up Abroad 11:00pm Make Me a Supermodel: Where Are They Now? When i was younger i wanted to be a supermodel or an astronaut.

As i grew (or in fact didnt) i realised to be a supermodel i would have to be 6 inches taller and 12 inches thinner and to be an astonaut i would have to know something about space. Which you didnt learn off star trek. Now i just wanna be a hairdresser. Or a checkout girl. 12:00am The Joan Rivers Position Face down. 12:30am USPGA Golf 1:20am NFL Live 5:10am French Football

7:00pm Doctor Who 7:45pm Doctor Who Confidential 8:00pm The Indestructibles 8:30pm Grime Scene Investigation 9:00pm Dog Borstal What’s this? A show featuring naughty dogs sent to boot camp? My favourite kind of programming, especially if they just shoot all the dogs. Because dogs suck. Or push them off cliffs. Or put there head between two bricks. My mum threatened to do that to the kitten due to its ADHD. 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Spooks 11:30pm The Real Hustle 12:00am The Real Hustle 12:30am Dog Borstal 1:25am The Indestructibles 1:55am Grime Scene Investigation 2:25am The Real Hustle 2:50am Say No to the Knife Last week TV Gareth littered my page with his silly words and thoughts, coz i didnt fill in all the blanks. And he called me a pervert, well i say boo HAH to him. And the Knife are nu rave and the Klaxons are Riot Grrrl and Girls Aloud are post rock.

7:00pm Everest ER 8:00pm The World 8:30pm The Perfect Village It would have rainbows, chocolate rivers and/or fountains, kittens erm... (thinks back to French GCSE) and lots of dustbins and a disco. a fantastique disco. Not a mis spelling. Thats French for fantastic (the audience all go awwww, and tip their hats to me for teaching them a little bit of culture.) 9:00pm Wide Sargasso Sea 10:25pm Storyville: The Emperor's Naked Army Marches On 12:20am Forty Minutes On 1:20am Wide Sargasso Sea 2:45am The Perfect Village 3:15am Forty Minutes On This weeks best websites: The best of “Rate my” Rate my Kitten: I would love to!

Rate my Boner: I would love to!

Rate my Gasmask: I would...ermm Rate my Network diagram(!): I would love to end your suffering Rate my fishtank:i would love to kill your fish Rate my poo: No.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice from Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:50am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm Trinny and Susannah Undress 9:00pm Hell's Kitchen USA 10:00pm Ladette to Lady 11:00pm Coronation Street 11:30pm Coronation Street 12:00am Mission: Impossible II 2:20am

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with The Killers Why are they in my bed? 8:00am Wake Up with The Killers Why are u in my bed!

8:30am Whatever... You Want A cheese picnic with a midget 9:00am Whatever... You Want 9:30am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but... Pop and Proud 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm The OC 3:00pm One Tree Hill 4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Lost 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Headland 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Hollyoaks: In the City 10:00pm Wife Swap: The Aftermath 10:30pm Johnny Mnemonic 12:25am Star Stories 12:55am Invasion 1:45am Hollyoaks: In the City 2:45am Star Stories 3:10am Queer as Folk 4:00am The OC 4:45am Switched Up!

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Teen Tycoons 10:00am Tricky Business Two 10:30am Big Squeeze 11:00am The Market 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm A Place in the Sun 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant 4:25pm Bord 4:50pm Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm Friends 6:30pm The Simpsons 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Ffermio 9:00pm Natur Anghyfreithlon 10:00pm Sgorio 11:05pm Wife Swap 12:05am The War at Home 12:35am Dispatches: Britain's Mental Health Scandal 1:35am Comedy Lab 2:05am The Dead Zone

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25

TUESDAY

OCTOBER.09.2006 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

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BBC2 7.00pm

ITV 4.20am

Channel 4 8.30pm

five 11.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Lazytown 3:50pm Maya and Miguel 4:15pm Crush I see you blowin' me a kiss, it doesn't take a scientist to understand what's goin' on baby. If you see something in my eyes let's not over-analyze, don't go too deep with it baby, so let it be what it'll be, don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me here's what i'll do, i'll play it loose, not like we have a date with destiny it's just a little crush not like I faint, every time we touch.

4:40pm The Batman 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Watchdog 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Holby City 9:00pm The Amazing Mrs Pritchard 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Week In, Week Out 11:05pm Skint 11:35pm The BBC One Sessions 12:15am Return to Me 2:10am Sign Zone:See Hear 2:55am Sign Zone:Are We Being Served?

3:25am Sign Zone:Horizon: Lost City of New Orleans 4:15am Sign Zone:A Week of Dressing Dangerously

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Trollz 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 9:00am Autumnwatch 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Gordon the Garden Gnome 10:00am Big Cook Little Cook 10:20am Pingu 10:30am Schools:Primary History 10:50am Primary Geography 11:10am Horizon 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Bobinogs 1:10pm KS1 Science Clips 1:20pm Science Clips Investigates 1:30pm A Year at Kew 2:00pm am.pm 3:05pm Secret Squirrels 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Who Do You Think You Are? 8:00pm Autumnwatch 9:00pm Under the Doctor: A Medical History of Wales 9:30pm Horizon 10:20pm Wild Scotland 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm This World: Will Israel Bomb Iran? 12:00am Sun and Moon 12:30am The Sky at Night 1:00am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:Geography in Animation It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation. You seem a little irritable, Kyle. Got some sand in your vagina?

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Meg and Mog 3:05pm Pocoyo 3:15pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:30pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:45pm Spongebob Squarepants 4:00pm Jungle Run 4:30pm My Parents are Aliens 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 8:00pm Trinny and Susannah Undress 9:00pm Britain's Youngest Mums and Dads 2006 Are we really going to be treated to a load of eleven year olds who have kids? Lucky us.

10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm Goodwood Revival 12:00am Motorsport UK 12:35am ITV Play: The Mint 3:45am Mum's on Strike Hey. Why don't you stop dressing me like a mailman ... uh, and making me dance for you ... while you go and ... smoke crack in your bedroom ... and have sex with ... some guy ... I don't even know.

On my dad's bed. HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie! 4:20am Date My Daughter No. She’s probably got something wrong with her. She’s probably got like, no face, or eyes. Or even worse, no boobs. 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Teen Tycoons 10:00am Tricky Business Two 10:30am Big Squeeze 11:00am The Market 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:25pm King of Queens 1:55pm A Man Betrayed 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder 8:00pm It's Me or the Dog 8:30pm Cooking It 9:00pm Supernanny 10:00pm Jonathan King: Life on the Outside 11:05pm Cutting Edge 12:05am Garth Marenghi's Darkplace 12:40am Garth Marenghi's Darkplace 1:10am Vodafone TBA: Franz Ferdinand 2:10am Demolition: What Happened Next 3:10am Dispatches 4:00am Star Maths 3 4:10am Star Maths 3 Call it Canaveral, I won't say his name. Could have had anyone, he didn't. What do you think could make him stoop so low? What do you think could make him stick his hands in my life? What on Earth could make him stoop so low?

What on earth would make him stick his cock in my wife? What on earth would make him stoop so low?

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Thomas and Friends 8:40am Bird Bath 8:50am My First... 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm Us 3:30pm The Simian Line Simian Mobile Disco present a show for us. What I’ve always wanted. NOT! 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Kathryn Tickell's Northumbria 8:00pm The Diet Doctors - Inside Out 9:00pm CSI: Miami 10:00pm CSI:NY 11:00pm Guys and Dolls I watched this programme and it was quite disturbing. There’s something not quite right about men who really, really like dolls. What’s even weirder is that the dolls can be chained to the ceiling so that they just hang there. Some men even take the dolls out with them. Why would you take your plastic girlfriend out in public with you? Surely you would be ashamed to be seen with it.

It just advertises the fact that you are unable to get a real girlfriend. 12:05am The FBI Files 1:00am NASCAR Chase for the Nextel Cup 1:50am French Football - Le Championnat 2:40am The X Games XII 3:40am Football Argentina 5:10am Race and Rally UK

7:00pm Doctor Who 7:45pm Doctor Who Confidential 8:00pm Grime Scene Investigation 8:30pm The Indestructibles 9:00pm Little Britain 9:30pm I'm With Stupid 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm That Mitchell and Webb Look Please don’t touch my floppy cock. I could rape him. I might rape him. I won’t rape him. This is good, this is just like watching a porn film, except I can't see anything, I haven't got a hard on, and I want to cry. Life's all pain. Pain, gloom and misery... Hey, 33% extra free. I am doing excellent shopping. My depressed state of mind means being even more frugal than usual. If he hangs himself over this I can stick an orange in his mouth and call it a fatal wanking accident. 11:00pm Live! Girls!

Present Dogtown 11:30pm Ideal 12:00am Family Guy 12:20am Nighty Night 12:50am Swiss Toni 1:20am I'm With Stupid 1:50am The Indestructibles 2:20am Live! Girls!

7:00pm Journeys into the Ring of Fire 8:00pm The World is such a lovely place. Isn’t it? 8:30pm My Dad Was a Communist 9:00pm Mark Lawson Talks to Alexei Sayle 10:00pm Hammer and Tickle 11:30pm Journeys into the Ring of Fire Why would anyone want to go into a ring of fire? If its what I think it is, its ring sting after eating really spicy food. 12:30am The Orange Revolution 1:30am My Dad Was a Communist My dad wasn’t. Or should I say isn’t. He might be more interesting if he was. My mum is though. 2:00am Mark Lawson Talks to Alexei Sayle I just a bit of Wikipedia research on both Mark Lawson and Alexei Sayle. I can’t think of anything to write about either of them. I suggest you just watch it.

3:00am Journeys into the Ring of Fire Seriously, I wouldn’t bother, its just going to be red, sore to touch, hot and quite smelly. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice from Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm High School Reunion 9:00pm Mission: Impossible II 11:25pm Entourage 11:55pm The Office: An American Workplace 12:20am American Pie: the Wedding 1:55am ITV Play

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6:10am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Teen Tycoons 10:00am Tricky Business Two 10:30am Big Squeeze 11:00am The Market 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Darllen 'Da Fi 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach 1:15pm Proud Parents 1:25pm Wife Swap 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant 4:25pm Planed Plant 4:50pm Planed Plant 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm Friends 6:30pm The Simpsons 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Taro 9 9:00pm Taith Yr Iaith 10:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 11:00pm Family Brat Camp 12:00am Without a Trace 1:45am Bully 4:00am Star Maths 3 5:20am Maths Mansion 5:50am Maths Mansion

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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WEDNESDAY

OCTOBER.09.2006 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

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ITV 12.30pm

ITV 12.30pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty work it little Ford Fiesta, shake that ass, show them what you got, flash those lights and spurt your windcreen washers. Oooh yeah. 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm Lazytown 3:50pm Maya and Miguel 4:15pm Crush 4:40pm The Batman 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm X-Ray: Food Special 8:00pm Sky Cops 9:00pm Who Do You Think You Are? 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather well apparently the union has wireless now, that means there is no reason to leave the bar, ever.

10:35pm The National Lottery Draws 10:40pm Hospital Check-Up this week everyone’s checking in with severe cases of cold and flu as all the freshers have brought new germs for us all to catch and suffer with.

11:10pm Match of the Day 12:10am Hunt for Justice 1:45am Sign Zone:Ancient Rome: The Rise and Fall of an Empire 2:45am Sign Zone:Fred Dibnah's World of Steam, Steel and Stone 3:15am Sign Zone:To Buy or Not to Buy 4:00am Joins BBC News

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Trollz 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 9:00am Autumnwatch 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Gordon the Garden Gnome 10:00am Big Cook Little Cook 10:20am Pingu 10:30am What the Ancients Did for Us 11:30am am.pm 1:00pm B &#38; B The Best 1:30pm Working Lunch 2:00pm Coast 2:05pm The Narrow Margin 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm The Trees That Made Britain I like Oak trees best, mainly because they’re so huge and fat and tall and really really old. Actually there is an International Oak tree society which you can join and truly appreciate one of the symbols of England, now that’s a nice idea.

7:30pm Mythbusters 8:00pm Autumnwatch 9:00pm Anatomy of a Crime 10:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps apparently I am uneducated in the way of crisps, I think I need to be more adventurous with my flavour choice.

10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm The Apprentice USA 12:00am The Apprentice USA 12:45am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:World Physical 4:00am A Picture of Britain

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women that Kaye Adams woman is an absolute gimp. She thinks she’s so sharp and witty, probably because the ITV website tells her so but she just isn’t funny.

And I’m not sure if she can really claim to be a loose ‘woman’, as there is something rather masculine about her.

The other week it was ‘Let’s talk about sex day’ and so of course that’s what they did (no change there then) and they made that Carole McGriffin say hen she last had sex and she said not for 7 years or something and for a brief moment I felt sorry for her. Didn’t last long though.1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Meg and Mog 3:05pm Pocoyo 3:15pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:30pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:45pm SpongeBob SquarePants 4:00pm Jungle Run 4:30pm My Parents are Aliens 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm Wire in the Blood 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm The Contender II - The Final 12:00am ITV Play: The Mint 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Teen Tycoons 10:00am Tricky Business Two 10:30am Big Squeeze 11:00am The Market 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:30pm King of Queens 1:55pm The Enforcer 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show Paul once played a prostitute in an episode of The Bill. He also married a Portugese lesbian waitress as a marriage of convenience. Who was that convenient for? I’m presuming her as it’s likely he had more money.

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder 8:00pm How Clean Is Your House?

8:30pm You Are What You Eat in that case today I am a tuna and mayo sandwich, a can of coke (‘I can I can’t!, lovely League of Gentlemen) and one sweet chilli flavoured crisp.

9:00pm Family Brat Camp 10:00pm The Town that's Looking for Love 11:05pm 4 Music:Vodafone Music Awards 12:40am Franz Ferdinand: Rock it to Rio 1:15am Vodafone TBA: Razorlight 2:15am Vodafone TBA: The Killers 3:00am Goalissimo! 3:50am Freesports on 4 4:20am Trans World Sport 5:15am Countdown

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy or else he’ll stick your head between automatic doors and pin you down until your head is well and truly pulped. 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Thomas and Friends 8:40am Bird Bath 8:50am My First... 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm Death in the Shadows: the Sam Sheppard Story 3:30pm A Painted House can be very pretty unless you paint it pink and stick those massive fake plastic butterflies on it, then it just looks shit.5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Game Ranger Diaries 8:00pm The Teen Tamer 9:00pm Hollywood Homicide people I would like to kill in Hollywood: Keira Knightley, Vin diesel, Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes, Keanu Reeves and all of the cast from American Pie. 11:15pm Swinging 11:45pm Swinging 12:15am PartyPoker.com World Open II 1:45am Baseball Wednesday 4:35am NHRA Drag Racing: O'Reilly Fall Nationals a bunch of Irish men dressed up as women doing the three-legged race followed by the egg and spoon. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la boop.

7:00pm Doctor Who 7:45pm Doctor Who 8:30pm The Real Hustle 9:00pm F*** Off I'm Fat 10:00pm Virus 11:30pm The Real Hustle 12:00am The Indestructibles 12:30am F*** Off I'm Fat 1:25am The Ferocious Mr Fix It 2:25am The Indestructibles 2:55am Dog Borstal Hello TV readers, this is one extremely hungover TV Jane. I’m currently experiencing one of those hangovers where you feel really shit when you wake up, then you feel alright after about an hour and then you go to a long lecture in a really hot room and then you feel like shit again. I’ve managed to crawl to the Gair Rhydd office from the lecture and now I shall attempt to waffle on for a few pages. My hangover results from a hard night’s drinking and boogeying in the club that is welsh, previously having drunk a bottle of wine, a few gin and tonics and two pints of beer. We finally reached home (my brother, boyfriend and I),after stopping off at a friend’s to drink yet more wine.

7:00pm The African Rock 'n' Roll Years 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Nation on Film 9:00pm The League of Gentlemen 9:30pm Broken News 10:00pm More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 10:30pm Lead Balloon 11:00pm Never Mind the Full Stops 11:30pm Mark Lawson Talks to Alexei Sayle 12:30am More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 1:00am Nation on Film 1:30am The African Rock 'n' Roll Years 2:30am Lead Balloon 3:00am More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 3:30am Never Mind the Full Stops ......more wine, I scoffed a massive bowl of pasta and then polished off a Galaxy ice cream. Lovely stuff. I felt great, the night had been a stonker and then I passed out in bed. Waking up was no where near as much fun.

Oh well TV Jane that is the price you pay for mixing your drinks, it serves you right.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice from Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:55am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:40am Judge Judy 12:00pm Coronation Street 12:30pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm Hell's Kitchen USA 9:00pm American Pie: the Wedding 10:35pm Coronation Street 11:10pm Test Drive My Girlfriend 11:40pm Test Drive My Girlfriend 12:10am ITV Play: Playdate

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with James Morrison 8:00am Wake Up with James Morrison 8:30am Whatever... You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 9:30am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but Dave 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm The OC 3:00pm One Tree Hill 4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Lost 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Headland 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Desperate Housewives 10:00pm Family Brat Camp Unseen 10:30pm Princess Nikki 11:00pm Beauty and the Geek 12:05am The Charlotte Church Show 12:55am Sex and the City 1:25am No Angels 2:25am Beauty and the Geek 3:05am No Angels 4:05am Switched 4:25am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:00am The Deadly Knowledge Show 9:30am Teen Tycoons 10:00am Tricky Business Two 10:30am Big Squeeze 11:00am The Market 11:30am Bitesize Bioleg 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Darllen 'Da Fi 12:40pm Planed Plant Bach:Peppa Pinc 12:45pm Binca 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Ding Dong 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Falmai y Fuwch 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm You Are What You Eat 1:55pm How Clean Is Your House? 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Clwb Winx 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Cer I Greu 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm Friends 6:30pm The Simpsons 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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ITV 12.30pm

ITV 12.30pm

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27

THURSDAY

OCTOBER.09.2006 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

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BBC2 9.30pm

ITV 12.00am

Channel 4 7.00am

five 3.40pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Lazytown 3:50pm Maya and Miguel 4:15pm Crush 4:40pm The Batman 5:00pm Young Dracula 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Airport 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm What Not to Wear Jeans and flip-flops in public. Especially not in the rain.

9:00pm Ancient Rome: The Rise and Fall of an Empire 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Dragon's Eye 11:05pm Question Time 12:05am This Week I went without smoking for five days. This was only because I had flu. On Tuesday, however, I needed a fag so bad that I was getting pissed off with everyone for no reason. I borrowed 50p off TV Gareth and went to Spar. I haven’t looked back since.

Incidentally, my cough has got increasingly worse. I’m sure this has nothing to do with smoking. 1:05am Sign Zone:Jane Eyre 2:05am Sign Zone:Equator 3:05am Joins BBC

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Trollz 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 9:00am Autumnwatch 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Gordon the Garden Gnome 10:00am Big Cook Little Cook 10:20am Pingu 10:30am Look and Read 10:50am Music Makers 11:10am The Maths Channel Year 6 11:20am The Maths Channel Year 6 11:30am Focus 11:50am Primary Geography 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Coast: Scotland - Cardigan Bay 1:05pm Dunkirk 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Doctor Thompson's Casebook 7:30pm Raymond Baxter: Gentleman and Broadcaster 8:00pm Autumnwatch 9:00pm Extras 9:30pm That Mitchell and Webb Look If you’re assertive you might have noticed that I put loads of Peepshow quotes on Tuesdays listings.

10:00pm Mock the Week 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm The Huw Wheldon Memorial Lecture 2006 12:00am BBC Four on BBC Two:The Sky at Night 12:30am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:Mapping Crime 3:00am Indigenous Peoples: Climate and Eco-Systems 4:00am Class Clips

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Meg and Mog 3:05pm Pocoyo 3:15pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:30pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:45pm SpongeBob SquarePants 4:00pm Jungle Run 4:30pm My Parents are Aliens 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm The Pier 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm Ladette to Lady 10:00pm Tarrant on TV 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm Ghost Story 11:30pm Waterfront 12:00am Free Ride 12:25am ITV Play: The Mint 4:10am Britain's Best Back Gardens Thank fuck this is on early in the morning, cos I couldn’ think of anything worse than turning on the TV and being confronted by a load of old, posh fools with nothing better to do than making their garden the best back garden in Britain. We have a perfectly decent yard at our abode on Minny St. There’s some grass and a shed. 4:35am Driving Mum and Dad Mad Like the time I accidently stalled and crashed into our garage door. I’d only been driving for a week.

5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Search for Cool 10:20am Designers Under Pressure 10:30am In Search of the Tartan Turban 11:00am The Market 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:30pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:35pm Champion Champion of what? The world? The day? The football league? 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder 8:00pm A Place in the Sun: 20 Best Places to Make Money On Woodville Road by selling a bag of sand to a student. We probably shouldn’t laugh, but COME ON! Seriously, if someone offers you anything out of car don’t buy it. I wonder if this would have made front page if the buyer thought he was getting cocaine and not a laptop. That would have been a lot funnier.

9:00pm Dispatches 10:00pm The Yards 12:05am Red Bull X-Fighters: Rockers and Riders 12:40am The Charlotte Church Show 1:30am Dhoom 3:55am Supporting Acts 4:10am Dispatches: Britain's Mental Health Scandal 5:05am In Your Dreams 5:15am Countdown

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Thomas and Friends 8:40am Bird Bath 8:50am My First... 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Death of a Gunfighter 3:35pm five news update 3:40pm When Time Expires We will all die and very rapid death. 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Britain's Worst Pet 8:00pm House Doctor: We Love You! 9:00pm Build a New Life in the Country Or don’t bother. Ask anyone who lives in the country and they’ll tell you it’s shit.

10:00pm Criminal Minds 11:00pm Extraordinary People: Britain's Identical Quads Is this four people joined together? Two sets of twins? Two sets of Siamese twins?

One set of triplets and an odd one out? An eight legged race team? Loads of quad bikes that are all exactly the same? Loads of quad muscles that are all the same and are baffling scientists and doctors alike? Whatever they are, I can inane bollocks. Finished. 2:00am John Barnes' Football Night 1:00am Quiz Call 4:00am Dutch Football 5:00am Football Argentina

7:00pm Doctor Who 7:45pm Doctor Who Confidential 8:00pm Dog Borstal 9:00pm Say No to the Knife 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm The Real Hustle 11:00pm Jonathan Ross's Japanorama 11:30pm Grime Scene Investigation This looks like a different version of a Life of Grime. I remember a particular episode when an old man shit in carrier bags and pissed in bottles. He didn’t bother throwing them away. Oh no.

He kept them in his house. 12:00am Dog Borstal It’d be easier for everyone if people just put disobediant dogs down. Money wouldn’t be wasted on making stupid programmes about bad dogs then. 12:55am The Real Hustle 1:25am Jonathan Ross's Japanorama 1:55am The Ferocious Mr Fix It This could be a programme about my housemate Alex. He likes to fix things even if they’re not broken. He often carries his tool kit round with him just in case he needs to fix it... 2:50am Say No to the Knife

7:00pm Sounds of the Sixties 7:10pm The Avengers 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Up Pompeii 9:00pm Forty Minutes On In 40 minutes you can cook pie, waffles and beans or 13 boxes of microchips. 10:00pm Family Ties 10:30pm The Late Edition 11:00pm I, Claudius am a stupid twat who likes to wear stupid togas to Rubber Duck.11:50pm Hammer and Tickle Humourous communists on TV. Ha! Stalin performs your favourite stand-up gags. 1:20am The Late Edition 1:50am The Perfect Village 2:20am Forty Minutes On 3:20am Mark Lawson Talks to Alexei Sayle ...This morning we went into his room and he was sat naked at his desk.

When we tried to to go into his room, he threatened to throw at knife at us. If you see a naked bloke with a knife runaway as fast as you can. God knows what he could do if provoked. He is The Ferocious Mr Fix It.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice from Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm Gameshow Marathon USA 8:50pm Movies Now 9:00pm Best Man's Speech 10:00pm Entourage 10:30pm The Office: An American Workplace 11:00pm About a Boy

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with Beck 8:00am Wake Up with Beck 8:30am Whatever... You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 9:30am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but Blondes 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm The OC 3:00pm One Tree Hill 4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Lost 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Headland 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Scrubs 9:30pm The War at Home 10:00pm The Sopranos 11:10pm The Law of the Playground 11:40pm 8 Out of 10 Cats 12:10am Smack the Pony 12:45am Scrubs 1:15am The War at Home 1:45am The Sopranos 2:35am The Law of the Playground 3:00am 8 Out of 10 Cats

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:00am The Deadly Knowledge Show 9:30am Search for Cool 10:20am Designers Under Pressure 10:30am In Search of the Tartan Turban 11:00am The Market 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Darllen 'Da Fi 12:40pm Pingu 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Tomos A'i Ffrindiau 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Anturiaethau Smot y Ci 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Meees! 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm One Year to Pay off your Mortgage 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Tylwyth Od Timmy 4:20pm Planed Plant:Tylwyth Od Timmy 4:40pm Planed Plant:Crafwr 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm Friends 6:30pm The Simpsons 7:00pm

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

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FRIDAY

OCTOBER.09.2006 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

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ITV1 11.00pm

BBC3 7.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Lazytown 3:50pm Watch My Chops 4:05pm What's New Scooby-Doo? 4:30pm The Basil Brush Show 4:55pm The Slammer 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours Sky’s ultrasound provides a shock apparently.

Maybe it’s not a baby at all but just some undigested kangaroo burgers.6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm A Question of Sport 7:30pm Child of Our Time: the Children's Stories 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm The Green Green Grass 9:00pm Have I Got News for You 9:30pm Not Going Out 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 1 0:35pm Friday Night with Jonathan Ross tonight’s guests are Russell Crowe and Amir Khan. Maybe they’ll have a fight and Jonathan will be the referee person and prance around in big silky shorts...such a pretty sight that would be.

11:35pm Texas Rangers 12:55am Hawk the Slayer I am the slayer. Don’t mess.2:30am Joins BBC News 24 Sleepytimexxx

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Trollz 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 9:00am Autumnwatch 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Gordon the Garden Gnome 10:00am Big Cook Little Cook 10:20am Pingu 10:30am Razzledazzle 10:50am Schools:Henry's Wives with Terry Deary 11:00am Primary Geography 11:20am Focus 11:40am See You, See Me, See Castles 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:30pm The Flying Gardener 1:40pm Sink the Bismarck! 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Scrum V Live 9:00pm Gardeners' World 9:30pm Galapagos 10:20pm Water Voles 10:30pm Newsnight 11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm Sun Ra: Brother from Another Planet 12:35am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Open University and General Interest:Hidden Visions 2:30am Lifelines 3:00am Sickle Cell Disease - A Lethal Advantage 3:30am Lost Worlds 4:00am Making Contact 4:30am The Next Big Thing 5:00am Persisting Dreams I have a persisting dream. I dream that I am no longer hungover but sprightly and raring to go and the pizza arrives and I am finally no longer hungry.

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Meg and Mog 3:05pm Pocoyo 3:15pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:30pm Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3:45pm SpongeBob SquarePants 4:00pm Jungle Run 4:30pm My Parents are Aliens 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show: X Factor Special 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Tonight with Trevor McDonald good old Trev meets some ‘self confessed Boy Racers’ tonight, gets wasted and goes for a spin around a housing estate.

8:30pm Airline 9:00pm Taggart 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm Hell's Kitchen 12:00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:25am Too Many Cooks 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News Wahey everyone it’s Friday the 13th! If you’re superstitious then you’ll be expecting some strange and unlucky things to be going on today. One thing that is not unlucky is that the funky crazy band called Planetman are playing at the Barfly tonight and I will be preparing myself for a mad bop and a few beverages. If you’re not too superstitious to leave the house come along!

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Rappin' at the Royal 11:15am Designers Under Pressure 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:25pm King of Queens 1:45pm Never Love a Stranger well that seems like a fair enough suggestion to me. Does Jarvis Cocker count as a stranger when you haven’t met him? 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal Noel Edmonds is president of the British Horse Society. But TV Gareth is allergic so that’s a shame. To horses, not Noel Edmonds. 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:35pm Unreported World 8:00pm The War at Home 8:30pm The Simpsons 9:00pm Star Stories 9:30pm The Simpsons 10:00pm The Charlotte Church Show don’t get me started on this one again.

Pile of shite. 10:50pm Bo in the USA 11:25pm My Name Is Earl 11:55pm My Name Is Earl 12:25am The Album Chart Show 12:55am Party Poker.com Late Night Poker Ace 2:00am FIVB Beach Volleyball 2:50am Jonathan King: Life on the Outside 3:50am Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo! 5:20am Countdown

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy Or else he’ll lock you in a room with all the gimps off Loose Women until you are slowly turned into a freaky-looking, irritating, ageing, boring woman who talks about nothing but sex, men and how great women are and how hard life is. And then you’ll just want to kill yourself.

8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Thomas and Friends 8:40am Bird Bath 8:50am My First... 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm One True Love 3:35pm Codename: Foxfire 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Pimp My Ride UK 8:00pm Pimp My Ride 8:30pm The All Star Talent Show it’s the final tonight and amongst the finalists are Carol Thatcher dancing the Charleston and Jodie Marsh performing some American smooth dancing-whatever that is. The show also features Barbara Windsor on a unicycle, Trevor McDonald flipping pancakes and June Whitfield break-dancing.

10:00pm Police Story 2 12:05am Real Sex 1:00am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS save the moose!

Protect the moose!

7:00pm Dog Borstal 8:00pm Say No to the Knife 9:00pm Robin Hood 9:45pm The Real Hustle 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm I'm With Stupid 11:00pm Live! Girls! Present Dogtown 11:35pm Jonathan Ross's Japanorama 12:05am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:35am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 1:05am The Real Hustle 1:35am Grime Scene Investigation 2:00am The Indestructibles 2:30am I'm With Stupid 3:00am Anthea Turner: The Perfect Housewife Fun facts about Cardiff: In 1857, General Tom Thumb, the smallest man alive (height of 31 inches weight 25lb) visited Cardiff's Town Hall. It cost sixpence to see him.

In 1855 there were seven breweries in the centre of Cardiff. The land near the junction between Crwys Road, City Road and Albany Road was at one time known as Gallows Field and two priests, Father Philip Evans and Father John Lloyd, were executed there on July 22, 1679.

7:00pm Time 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Family Ties 9:00pm Cambridge Folk Festival 10:00pm In Concert: Santana 10:30pm QI 11:00pm Lead Balloon 11:30pm The Avengers 12:25am Cambridge Folk Festival 1:25am Folk Britannia 2:25am Folk Britannia 3:25am Folk Britannia .......July 22, 1679.

Cardiff claimed the Men's Health magazine award of 'Best UK city 2004', with the conclusion that the Welsh capital is a "young, friendly town jam-packed with a cosmopolitan crowd, all of whom have a spring in their step that seems to indicate they're going somewhere fun."

Facts not related to the Diff: During Prohibition, temperance activists hired a scholar to rewrite the Bible by removing all references to alcohol beverage.The longest bar in the world is 684 feet (or about 208.5 meters) long.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice from Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:50am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm ITV at the Movies 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm The Xtra Factor: Xcess All Areas 9:00pm About a Boy 11:00pm Coronation Street 11:30pm Best Man's Speech 12:30am Hell's Kitchen Raw 1:30am ITV Play: Playdate

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with... 8:00am Wake Up with... 8:30am Whatever...

You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 9:30am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but Brunettes 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm The OC 3:00pm One Tree Hill 4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Lost 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Headland 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Wife Swap 10:00pm Johnny Mnemonic 12:00am Funny Cuts: Andrew Maxwell: My Name Up in Lights 12:15am Porn: A Family Business 12:50am Porn: A Family Business 1:25am Wife Swap 2:25am Lost 3:10am Porn: A Family Business 3:40am One Tree Hill 4:20am Switched 4:40am Switched 5:05am

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Rappin' at the Royal 11:15am Designers Under Pressure 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Darllen 'Da Fi 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto!

12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Penblwydd Pwy 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Tecwyn y Tractor 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm It's Me or the Dog 1:55pm Cooking It 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Beyblade 4:25pm Paparazzi 4:50pm Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm Friends 6:30pm Uned 5 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Hwyl y Noson Lawen 9:00pm Tipit 9:35pm 9 tan 9 10:00pm The Charlotte Church Show

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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BBC2 4.30am

five 5.35am

five 1.40pm

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff,CF24 4NN

02920 229977

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29

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OCTOBER.09.2006 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

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BBC1 6am

BBC2 6:20pm

S4C 1pm

itv1 6:55pm

five 2:50pm

Fag fag fag fag fag fag fag fag hmmmm smoking. Not before six, unless its coz you are a crazy party animal and haven’t even gone to bed yet, you naughty students you. TV Ellen is going to go and have a little cigarettey, here is some brief interlude music, Greensleaves on the flute “Please hold the line, your readership is very valuable to us, TV Ellen will be back with you in a minute after she has satisfied her dirty little habit. Not the porn habit.”

The Pussy Cat girls “Dont you wish your girlfriend was hot...Please hold the line, she is on the dregs now....like me, dont you wish your” brrrp 6:00am Breakfast 10:00am Saturday Kitchen 11:30am Ever Wondered about Food 12:00pm BBC News; Weather 12:10pm Football Focus 1:00pm Grandstand 1:05pm Rugby League Tri-Nations 1:40pm World Masters Darts 4:30pm Final Score 5:20pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5:40pm To Be Announced 7:05pm To Be Announced 7:50pm The National Lottery: 1 vs 100 8:35pm Casualty 9:25pm To Be Announced 9:55pm BBC News; Weather 10:15pm Match of the Day 11:35pm Friday Night with Jonathan Ross This is on for three hours apparently.

2:20am BBC News

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am Bobinogs 6:30am Charlie and Lola 6:45am The Story Makers 7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:10am Astro Boy 7:30am Dennis the Menace 7:50am Watch My Chops 8:15am Legend of the Dragon 8:40am What's New Scooby-Doo? 9:00am TMi 11:45am Sportsround 12:00pm See Hear 12:45pm Star Trek 1:30pm Star Trek: The Next Generation I use to really fancy number one. 2:15pm To Be Announced 6:10pm What the Papers Say The Daily Mail: “Illegal immigrants eat pensioners, Tony Blair to blame.”

6:20pm Flog It! 7:20pm The Culture Show 8:10pm Galapagos 9:00pm TOTP 2 9:25pm To Be Announced 10:55pm QI 11:25pm David Gilmour 12:25am To Be Announced 1:10am The Culture Show 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Open University and General Interest:The Challenge 2:30am The Golden Thread 3:00am An English Education 3:30am News Stories 4:00am English, English Everywhere 4:30am Open Advice: A Meeting of Minds 5:00am Snapshots: How to be a Mosquito Hunter 5:15am Snapshots: Unlocking Autism 5:30am Ever Wondered? Somethings i have been wondering about eh hem..

1) Why do cigarettes make you need a poo?

2) Why does apple crumble go so well with ice cream?

3) Why are my toes so hairy?

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:20am Pocoyo 6:30am Little Einsteins 7:00am Dora the Explorer 7:20am House of Mouse 7:55am SpongeBob SquarePants 8:15am Biker Mice from Mars 8:50am Avatar 9:25am Saturday Cooks including Chef v Britain 9:55am Saturday Cooks Live 11:30am CITV:My Parents are Aliens 12:00pm CITV:Drake and Josh 12:30pm CITV:The New Adventures of Superman 1:30pm ITV News; Weather 1:35pm ITV Wales News and Weather 1:40pm To Be Announced 2:10pm The Cosby Mysteries 3:10pm To Be Announced 5:25pm ITV Wales News and Weather 5:40pm ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5:55pm All New You've Been Framed!

6:55pm The X Factor 7:55pm Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 9:10pm The X Factor Results 9:40pm To Be Announced 11:40pm ITV News 11:55pm ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:35am Trading Treasures 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News I have worked out a star system in regards to leaving kisses on the end of text messages, due to the fact my friend complains that sometimes I “forget.” I informed this probably meant at the time I didnt like her. I jest of course, but it got me thinking into working out a cryptic star system so that my friends/aquaintances/people i might see naked would know how I feel. I suggest you also

6:05am Making It 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am To Be Announced 7:30am Lloyds TSB Insurance British F3 International Series 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am T4:Futurama 9:20am T4:Friends 9:55am Princess Nikki 10:30am T4:Popworld 11:20am T4:Friends 11:55am Totally Boyband 12:30pm Freaky would be the word to describe how I imagine Russell Brand looks without make up first thing in the morning but dammit I still would.

1:00pm T4:Charmed 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing 4:30pm To Be Announced 6:30pm Channel 4 News 7:00pm Hitler's Holocaust 8:00pm Building of the Year: The RIBA Stirling Prize 2006 9:00pm Film To Be Announced 11:10pm To Be Announced 12:15am 4 Music:4Music Presents... Badly Drawn Boy 12:45am 4 Music:Six Years at Coachella Festival 1:45am 4 Music:Rockfeedback 2:10am To Be Announced 5:00am Unreported World 5:25am Countdown get one of your own to sort out confusion and avoid all subtlity and cryptic messages via the form of text. x = I like you. but not in that way. xx = I like you in that way xxx= You know this by now and we have been naked together xxxx = I am stalking you you know xxxxx = I want to skull fuck you xxxxxx = I want to turn up at your door naked with a weasel xxxxxxx = I am going to kill you xxxxxxxx= I will make a cheese picnic

6:00am Sunrise 6:55am Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7:10am Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Franklin 8:35am Gerald McBoing Boing 9:05am Jane and the Dragon 9:35am Blue Water High 10:05am Hercules: Legendary Journeys 11:05am RAD: The Groms Ride the Rockies 11:40am The Gadget Show 12:25pm To Be Announced 12:55pm South of Pago Pago 2:50pm Nasty Habits Picking your nose and wiping it on nuns.

4:30pm Life Size Midgets kitchen utensils are put in a enlarging machine, and hilarity ensues.

6:20pm House 7:10pm five news and sport 7:20pm NCIS Nice Children Ignore Stutters 8:15pm NCIS Naked Cats In Santa 9:10pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation or CSI: Clown Sex Igloo 10:10pm Law and Order: Special Victims Unit or Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. Wait...

11:10pm Philadelphia 1:20am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS And now for your entertainment a tap dancer tap tap tap boing, tap tap tap tip tap and now a tap dancer on jelly tap sludge sink... gasp gasp and now a kitten being shot miow miow miow bang thump and now a fish talking “hi im a fish.” and now Ellen goes insane. LALALA

7:00pm Walking with Dinosaurs 8:00pm To Be Announced 8:55pm The Real Hustle 9:25pm Film To Be Announced 11:10pm I'm With Stupid I use to think Glasgow was in Wales.

11:40pm To Be Announced 7:45pm The Real Hustle 9:00pm Little Britain 9:30pm The Catherine Tate Show 10:00pm I'm With Stupid 10:30pm The Real Hustle 11:00pm To Be Announced Cake? pondering cake. Have just stolen a lot of CD’s courtesey of Sofie Quence museo ed, also my flatmate. she says “Hello. Please listen to short skirt/Long Jacket by Cake, thank you. Perhaps whilst consuming Cake. Double chocolate fudgecake would be my recommendation.” And now some song lyrics to fill the space. 10p to the person who can place them “Won't you please step inside? Something to show, something to share, My knife wants to hide Deep arterial spray-paints the carpet before your eyes. Better believe it.

7:00pm Meetings with Remarkable Trees 7:10pm Shostakovich the Bolt from the Bolshoi 9:00pm Goodbye Lenin 11:00pm Professional Foul 12:20am Cambridge Folk Festival Featuring Emmylou Harris of Bright Eyes “Im Wide Awake its Morning” fame. I would personally go just in case Connor Oberst turned up. And Cambridge has some cool stuff there like erm... punting. Whapweasel are also playing, Im hoping they turn up naked with paint and a weasel and let the fun unfold. and if you have read on you know that thats a seven kisses message. All my friends will be more scared of me then they already are now. 1:20am Shostakovich the Bolt from the Bolshoi 2:05am Shostakovich Cello Concerto 3:10am Cambridge Folk Festival inside of you I’ll announce I'll announce the grand prize Arterial spray-paints the carpet”

6:00am Ni Ni's Treehouse 7:20am MacDonald's Farm 8:25am Mags and Mo 8:30am Bug Alert! 8:50am The Wheels on the Bus 9:00am Teleshopping 9:25am Emmerdale Omnibus 12:10pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2:35pm Holidays Undercover 3:40pm Movies Now 3:55pm High School Reunion 4:55pm The Xtra Factor: Xcess All Areas 5:55pm The New Adventures of Superman 6:55pm The New Adventures of Superman So there is Smallville, the new film, the old films. Therefore the term “New” is a little bit of a Lie 7:55pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:55pm ITV at the Movies 9:25pm Celebrity Daredevils 9:40pm Xtra Factor: Results 10:25pm To Be Announced 12:30am The X Factor Results 1:00am Xtra Factor: Results 1:45am ITV Play: Playdate

6:00am E4 Music Zone 2:00pm The Album Chart Show 2:30pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Lost 7:00pm Invasion 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm To Be Announced 10:00pm To Be Announced 10:30pm Scrubs 11:00pm To Be Announced 12:30am Porn: A Family Business 1:00am Lost Some of the conspiracy theories are * Island is an ant farm run by Aliens * They flew through a worm hole * There are in Purgatory * There in the “Land of Dreams” like the BFG? Thats rubbish * The Island is being run by Terrorists.

Hmmm, i prefer the Alien ones. * Its a Wonderful Life style thing, where they work through there problems and wake up again on the plane.

That would suck.

2:00am Invasion 3:00am Celebrity Wife Swap 4:00am The Album Chart Show 4:30am Switched Rubber Duck Sucks

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am To Be Announced 7:30am Lloyds TSB Insurance British F3 International Series Totally Stupid Bobs. Some people are talking about how good rubber duck is. I bite my hand. Then eat it. 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am Friends 9:50am Princess Nikki 10:20am Girls Aloud: Off the Record 10:50am Charmed 11:40am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 12:30pm Freaky People with outie belly buttons. Ewwwwwwwww 1:00pm Beauty and the Geek This is the best show ever 1:50pm To Be Announced 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing 4:30pm A Place in the Sun 5:00pm Newyddion 5:10pm Y Clwb Rygbi 7:25pm Y Clwb Pel-Droed 8:00pm Newyddion a Chwaraeon 8:15pm Noson Lawen 9:15pm Tipit 9:50pm Taith Yr Iaith 10:50pm A Knight's Tale 1:20am Jump Tomorrow 2:55am FIVB Beach Volleyball 2006 Chupa chups stop war.

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OCTOBER.09.2006 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

8-$+/9'&+/

BBC1 11am

BBC1 9pm

6:00am Breakfast 7:35am Match of the Day Up the blues and other generic nonsense. Ra ra ra.

9:00am Sunday AM 10:00am Heaven and Earth with Gloria Hunniford 11:00am Countryfile 12:00pm The Politics Show 1:00pm EastEnders Lets face it. You don’t have anything better to do.

2:55pm To Be Announced 4:00pm To Be Announced 5:10pm Jane Eyre 6:10pm Songs of Praise 6:45pm Antiques Roadshow 7:35pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 8:00pm To Be Announced 9:00pm Jane Eyre 10:00pm BBC News; Weather 10:15pm Panorama 10:55pm Film To Be Announced To Be Announced is one of the most seminal films in recent history.

Challenged only by Casualty: The Film and Weekend at Bernies 2, To Be Announced challenges invisible walls of racism sexism and any other jisims you could think of. Hot stuff.

12:40am Sign Zone:Holby City Why is it all the sign language stuff is on this late? Does some BBC executive have a vendetta against deaf people, wanting them to stay up late, therefore excluding them from everyday jobs through the lack of sleep. Or does being deaf enable you to work as a hooker?

1:40am Sign Zone:Who Do You Think You Are? 2:40am Sign Zone:Antiques Roadshow 3:30am Joins BBC News24

6:00am CBeebies 6:20am Bobinogs 6:30am Charlie and Lola 6:45am The Story Makers 7:00am CBBC 7:10am Legend of the Dragon 7:30am Smile 10:00am To Be Announced 12:30pm Sunday Grandstand 12:35pm Portuguese Motorcycle Grand Prix 2:00pm Rugby League: Super League Grand Final 2:50pm World Masters Darts 5:15pm To Be Announced 5:30pm Wild 6:10pm Teaching Awards 7:10pm Meerkat Manor Hobbit-boy Sean Astin narrates this visually arresting and humorous look on things Meerkat related.

8:00pm Top Gear is like Seinfeld. But with cars.

9:00pm Beyond Boundaries: The African Challenge 10:00pm Match of the Day 2 Football...Apparently 10:45pm Extras You must watch because I will. If there is a chance of another midget getting kneed in the head, there is chance you will spill your pepsi/coke concotion in laughter. Befall any man or man sans bits, who chooses to ignore this warning.

11:15pm Arrested Development gives me pleasure in no other way imaginable. Apart from, of course, giraffes.

12:05am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone 3:00am The Career Ladder 4:00am Communication and Customer Care Skills TV Grace tells you how 5:00am Building Your Business

6:00am The Sunday Programme 7:20am Power Rangers SPD 8:30am Totally Spies! 9:05am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am GMTV 11:25am The Championship 12:25pm The Sunday Edition with Andrew Rawnsley and Andrea Catherwood 1:25pm ITV Wales News and Weather 1:30pm The X Factor 2:30pm To Be Announced 3:30pm The X Factor Results Will the guy that rhypnoled himself get through to the next stage?

4:00pm To Be Announced 5:30pm Wales Soccer Sunday 6:00pm The Food Show This week...kebabs 6:30pm ITV Wales News and Weather 6:45pm ITV News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street Everyone takes smack.

Through their eyeballs.

8:00pm The Royal 9:00pm To Be Announced was funnily enough a film released in 1979. This is not that film.

11:00pm ITV News 11:10pm The South Bank Show 12:10am World Rally Championship Highlights If you like football, then this isn’t for you.

1:10am Champions League Weekly 1:40am Faith and Music 2:40am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show Yes or No. Yes or No. Am I apathetic? I love Jeremy Kyle. He is like deep heat on my balls.

5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:10am The Hoobs 7:00am Trans World Sport 7:55am Red Bull Air Race 8:25am World Superbikes 8:55am T4:Popworld 9:40am Friends 10:15am T4:Hollyoaks Omnibus 12:45pm T4:Slave to Fashion 1:50pm T4:Beauty and the Geek 2:50pm T4:Smallville In this episode, Superman listens to Nickelback and is reprimanded by having the shit kicked out of him.

3:50pm T4:Charmed 4:50pm Wild Thing 5:50pm Deal or No Deal 6:40pm Decoding Da Vinci Dan Rivers investigates what has turned The Da Vinci Code into the best selling novel ever. Like I frickin care.

7:40pm Channel 4 News 8:00pm To Be Announced 12:10am Heist Featuring that short hairy man that had a steroid-filled twin brother and the guy that inspired facial hair of the lippage, (more commonly known as a tash), star in this jewel heist that is distinctly avergae. Sounds a bit shit I know, but far better than Holby City with sign language. 2:10am The Album Chart Show 2:40am South American Championship Football 3:30am Red Bull Air Race 4:00am KOTV 4:25am Building of the Year It’s got stairs and things.

5:25am Countdown TV/FilmRyan is wearing a dapper outfit in the office as we speak. Debate follows as to his lack of curly locks and his pointy shoes. We find he has been to a premiere. Exitement ensues.

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:35am Sailor Sid 6:45am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:55am Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7:10am Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7:25am The Little Princess 7:40am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Franklin 8:30am Gerald McBoing Boing 9:00am Jane and the Dragon 9:30am What Makes Me Happy...Cups of Tea. 9:45am Demolition Dad 10:00am Round the Twist 10:30am Over the Sea to School 11:00am Snobs 11:35am Combat Club 12:05pm A Different Life 12:35pm Revelations 1:05pm five news update 1:10pm Fifth Gear 2:15pm Under Ten Flags 4:00pm Guarding Tess Starring Nic Cage, a former First Lady of the US wants a particular Secret Service agent to head her bodyguard detail, even though he can't stand her.

5:55pm five news and sport 6:05pm Dirty Dancing AKA Naked bedroom dancing...

8:00pm Make Me a Supermodel This happened once in Weird Science.

In the end they slept with normal people. What’s that about?

9:00pm S.W.A.T I saw Domino once, it was the worst experience of my life.

This film reminds me of that fond time.

Seek it out now at your own displeasure.

11:25pm World's Wildest Police Videos 12:25am The X Games XII 1:00am Major League Baseball 4:30am Football Argentina

7:00pm Robin Hood Robin’s illigitimate daughter, Red Riding, makes a dramatic entrance after thinking for 17 years that Robin was in fact her brother. Shocking real life true story.

7:45pm The Real Hustle A team of blaggers carry out scams on unsuspecting members of the general public whilst hidden cameras capture all the action. Hilarious consequences.

8:00pm Say No to the Knife 9:00pm Little Britain Shit comedy for idiots that haven’t seen true genius comedy.

9:30pm The Catherine Tate Show Shit comedy for idiots that haven’t seen true genius comedy.

10:00pm I'm With Stupid A homeless man and a wheelchair-user strike up an unlikely friendship after a chance meeting...

10:30pm The Real Hustle 11:00pm To Be Announced

7:00pm Planet Earth 8:00pm Reader, I Married Him 9:00pm Lead Balloon 9:30pm More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 10:00pm Wide Sargasso Sea 11:25pm The Late Edition 11:55pm Reader, I Married Him 12:55am Wide Sargasso Sea 2:20am More Dawn French's Girls Who Do 2:50am The Late Edition 3:20am Reader, I Married Him See this mighty website www.murmurtoronto.ca. [murmur] is an audio project that collects stories set in specific Toronto locations, told by Torontonians, which can be listened to from the listed telephone number.

“I treat women like sex ATM's”. This is the cream of the crop of anonymous confessions at www.grouphug.us

6:00am Ni Ni's Treehouse 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Engie Benjy 7:10am Pocoyo 7:20am Power Rangers Space Delta Patrol 8:30am Totally Spies!

9:05am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am Planet's Funniest Animals 9:50am High School Reunion 10:50am Emmerdale Omnibus 1:35pm To Be Announced 3:45pm Coronation Street Omnibus 6:30pm Ant And Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 7:45pm The X Factor 8:45pm The X Factor Results 10:00pm Entourage 10:30pm The Office 11:00pm Best Man's Speech 12:00am Coronation Street 12:30am Entourage 1:00am The Office 1:30am ITV Play

6:00am E4 Music Zone 2:10pm Popworld 3:00pm Young, Sexy and...

Royal 4:00pm Reunion 5:00pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm The War at Home 7:00pm One Tree Hill 8:00pm Friends 9:00pm Ghost Whisperer A newlywed communicates with the recently deceased and helps to send messages to the living and allow the dead to pass on to the other side.

10:00pm The Sopranos 11:15pm Hollyoaks: In the City 12:15am Scrubs 12:45am The War at Home 1:15am Ghost Whisperer 2:15am The Sopranos 3:30am Hollyoaks: In the City 4:30am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 7:00am Trans World Sport 7:55am Red Bull Air Race 8:25am World Superbikes 8:55am T4:Popworld 9:00am Hollyoaks Omnibus 11:30am Charmed 12:30pm Yr Wythnos 1:00pm Maniffesto 1:30pm The Simpsons 2:00pm Totally Boyband 2:30pm Men in White They’re like the Men In Black, except they work in a suicide prevention team, and are the worst at it in the UK. 3:00pm A Place in the Sun 4:00pm Y Clwb Rygbi 6:00pm Newyddion 6:05pm Pobol y Cwm Omnibws 8:00pm Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8:30pm Mastermind Cymru 9:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 10:05pm Newyddion 10:20pm Elizabeth I Frickin great film about the later years of Queen Elizabeth I. 12:30am The Corruptor 2:30am Lamhe

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31

PROBLEM PAGE

OCTOBER.09.2006 DEVILLE@!"#$!"#$$.COM

The !"#$%&&"'( Advocate This week: More reprobates put me off my tea.

Brian spreads peace

A rare and frightening sight

He loves students...

... as much as donkeys

!""#$%%&#'()%#*%%+#,+-*"%#./ %0.1-2.#31/3%1#.1-4+5#/6#.7/,87.

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The X Factor Dear Grace, I live in Barry with my parents and younger sister. Up about three months ago, I lived in relative harmony with my family and enjoyed the comforts of living at home. It all changed when my fifteen-year-old sister April began going a bit doolally.

My parents received a call from the school one day telling them that she had been sent out of a careers advice meeting for “behaving in an insolent fashion”. It transpired that she had told the advisor she wanted to join the FBI and be “just like Dana Scully”. My parents thought her obsession with The X Files was just a flash in the pan but her behaviour has escalated beyond control. For example, she took our slightly overweight male dog to the vets and claimed that it had been

impregnated by aliens. My parents were sick with worry after she failed to return for three days. This morning I went into the bathroom and saw that she’d used up all my toothpaste by writing “THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE” on the mirror. I know it sounds rather trivial, but the way she is acting is driving a wedge between us all. I’m seriously considering moving out and getting a flat of my own.

My sister is unapologetic, and refers to me as a “non believer”. How can I solve this conundrum and restore my idyllic family life?

Rhonda, 28, Barry

*(% 3./66% 6/7"% #.% '(0"% 2/.'% -(4$ 86"#$6-%*"$#)5"*%3/3."$;%<(4%86"#$= 6-% '#7"% 3(0"% >$(?6"03% (@% -(4$ (2)9% 1% 3455"3.% -(4% *"8#0>% #)* 6"#7"%.'/3%@($%-(4$%>#$").3%.(%*"#6 2/.'9% :'#.% 43"% #$"% >#$").3% /@% -(4 8#)A.% *40>% #66% (@% 6/@"A3% 2("3% () .'"0%@($"7"$%0($";%B'"%.'/)5%.'#.

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J$#8"

Rugged and Dashing?

Dear Grace, My doctor tells me that the only way I can cure my extreme phobia of rugs, carpets and general heavy-duty upholstery items is by fornicating with all of The Pussycat Dolls, bar the one with the maingy eye and the one who wears the ridiculous hooded tracksuit. If I wanted to sleep with a hoodlum I’d hang around my local recreation ground in the evenings wielding a bottle of Vodka Mudslide. What is a boy to do?

I’ve been told you’re well connected in the music industry.

How do I go about getting their numbers, let alone slipping them one? I’d really quite like to sort this out; I saw a rug in the Ikea catalogue which would look splendid as a backdrop for my Faberge egg collection. Please help me!

Yours truly,

Rob, 2nd Year Biochemistry student, Cathays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Do electronically mail the address at the top of the page with all your problems. The nights are drawing in and I go to bed at seven, so get them in before sunset. This week I’ve been eating lots of Elderflower fruit lozenges.

They have laxative effects.

SATURDAY 14TH OCTOBER

GREAT HALL, CARDIFF STUDENTS UNION

PLUS SOUL OF MAN. A-SKILLZ. D RAMIREZ. DYLAN RHYMES. SUMO HEAVYWEIGHT ALLSTARS & ZEROZERO RESIDENTS FROM 10PM TIL 4AM / TICKETS £12.50 PLUS BOOKING FEE Tickets available from the following outlets: www.ticketline.co.uk www.cardiffstudents.com Students Union Box Office Cardiff: 029 2978 1458 / Catapult 100% Vinyl: 029 2022 8990 Diverse Newport: 01633 259661 / D Vinyl Records Cardiff: 029 2049 4998 Jenius Pontypridd: 01443 407261 / Derricks Records Swansea: 01792 654226

FOR MORE INFO. WWW.SUMOHQ.COM

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OCTOBER.09.2006 COMPETITIONS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN UNFORTUNALTELY PATRICK Swayze has hung up his dancing boots, leaving Footballers’ Wives’ Ben Richards to join ITV legend Claire Sweeney in bringing Guys and Dolls to Cardiff this month. However, never fear, as a fantastic night is still to be had by all!

The musical is set in New York in the oh-too-glamorous and sinful 1940s and follows small-time gambler Nathan Detroit who bets his big-time pal, Sky Masterson, that he can’t make the next woman he sees fall in love with him.

When the next doll happens to be the neighbourhood missionary Sarah Brown, the stage is set for an unforgettable evening’s entertainment.

Guys and Dolls is a really energising and fun night out, with a sensational cast, breathtaking dance routines, fabulous costumes, and all the classic hits.

I’ve managed to grab a pair of top seat tickets for Guys and Dolls on Tuesday October 23 which I will begrudgingly give away to one lucky winner.

To win simply tell me, who has Ben Richards taken over from?

A. Patrick Stewart B. Patrick Swayze C. Patrick Keilty Guys and Dolls is at Wales Millennium Centre from 10 – 28 October 2006.

Tickets cost £10 - £35. For more information or to book tickets please contact the Ticket and Information Office on 08700 40 2000 or visit www.wmc.org.uk

!"#$%&'(%)*++$ A (few) nights to remember

Cooking up a right treat!

STUDENT HOUSES are renowned for their small, cramped kitchens, squeezed in to get that ever-essential extra bedroom. Even the smallest pile of washing up spreads across surfaces to engulf the whole room. LG have found a space-saving, easy cleaning solution to aid in the preparation of quick delicious meals.

LG are giving you the chance to win one of their space-creating, time-saving microwaves! You’ll barely have time for a quick pint as you watch your food cook up to 30% faster than in your old microwave.

Dazzle your friends with your chef skills using the auto-cooking programmes, and don’t worry about food sticking to the inside - the cavity is round, so you can clean up in seconds!

No need to worry about the washing up this machine is compact, allowing space on kitchen surfaces for a bigger pile that can always be done tomorrow!

The LG Wavedom microwave oven vents to the side, removing bulky vents from behind and freeing up work space.

An exploding ready meal can't encrust itself into corners because the round cavity makes it incredibly easy to wipe clean! With numerous auto-cooking programmes it becomes easy to cook your favourite meal in moments – up to three times faster than a conventional microwave oven.

The Wavedom is the affordable answer to quick and easy meals ranging from that all-essential Sunday morning full English breakfast to low GI oatmeal breakfasts to prepare the conscientious student for a hard day of studying.

To win a fantastic LG Wavedom microwave simply answer this question: In which Gremlin’s movie was a gremlin microwaved? a) Gremlins b) Attack of the Killer Tomatoes c) Critters For more information and stockist details visit www.lge.co.uk or call 0870 8735 454

,*-.%#*"-%+/01%*".222&3&/' IF, LIKE me, you’re having a few issues with both your memory and your marbles, this may be the gadget for you.

The Study Stick is the essential student accessory and the essential study skills guide - and will fit nicely onto a key ring. All you have to do is plug the stick into the USB port of any PC or laptop and it is ready to play. It makes transferring data between computers - whether at home, in halls or university - quick and easy. It is great for backing up those important essays and assignments too - just in

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wo of Wales’ most loved club nights come to Cardiff Students’ Union for the biggest parties of the year.

They’ve got a massive line-up of worldclass acts, so whatever it is you’re into, they’ve got it covered.

The heavy weights are in action on October 14 when Sumo celebrate their third birthday.

The main room sees party hip hop and beats from DJ Yoda and Fingerlickin records' Soul of Man and A Skilz. In room two, the music gets dirty with House and Breaks from D Ramirez and Dylan Rhymes.

Bass Invaders take over the Great Hall

on October 21 with their biggest line-up to date. The event really speaks for itself: two rooms of the finest drum ‘n’ bass and hip hop.

All three events are hugely popular and tickets often sell out fast. Get your tickets asap or try to win one with gair rhydd.

To win two tickets to Sumo, answer this: What is the name of DJ Yodas debut artist album?

To win two ticket to Bass Invaders, answer this: Which country are Pendulum from?

case your laptop decides to break on you mid-essay. Trust me, it’s no fun!

The Study Stick also includes an e-book, which acts as a guide to academic success and provides practical, no-nonsense advice on all aspects of study skills such as writing, revision and exams, critical and analytical thinking, time management and memory skills. In addition, the stick offers a free twelve month subscription to www.thestudyspace.com with additional study resources and expert advice.

For a chance to win one of five study sticks, just email competitions@gairrhydd.com and tell us why you need one.

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

! WIN! W

!"#$!"#$$

FIVE MINUTE FUN

OCTOBER.09.2006 FIVEMINUTEFUN@!"#$!"#$$.COM

SUDOKU 9 6

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quaility Tesco doughnuts to become free to bake what we want when we want!

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“Pies fly while you're having fun” “If the people pie, the leaders will swallow” “It's better to pie on our feet than live on our knees”

Bakers of the world unite! Together we can throw off the chains of oppression and low-

4

“Ask not for whom the pie throws – it throws for thee”

6

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HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU: Fill in the grid using only the numbers 1 through to 9. All the vertical and horizontal rows should contain the numbers 1 to 9. All the smaller 3 by 3 squares should contain the numbers 1-9. No row or 3 by 3 square should have the same number twice.

CROSSWORD 1

1

2

4

3

5

6

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13

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C) This bean explodes when inserted into a virgins anus

An often underrated and under appreciated food stuff, we move beyond the Bean classics i.e. coco and coffee, to discover the world of bean love. Remember: Beanz meanz a life less ordinary.

Real Beans. Crap Facts. Match them to win a dinner date with Syril Sneer.

1) Painted Pony Bean 2) European Soldier Bean 3) Apaloosa Bean 4) Piebold Beans

B) This Bean had a cameo appearance in Titanic

D) This bean once met, and possibly bedded George .W. Bush E)This Bean is well known for it’s intellect and knowledge of clouds F) This bean sleeps on the right of the bed G) Once a great Military leader, this bean was defeated at Waterloo and now busks for crack money on the streets of Abergevenny PS. My favourite variety is the Adamanded Bean

!"#$%&'()'&*#+",,, Has a housemate joined the Mustafa Moustache club? Send the evidence in...

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A) This bean single-handedly brought down the Roman Empire

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20 22 21

23 22

23

24

ACROSS

1 Bismark’s state (5,6) 8 Cooking Instruction (6) 10 Former Name for Iran (6) 12 Pure, Irreproachable (4,5) 14 Head [slang] (3) 15 Chop Off (3) 16 Muttered Remark (5) 17 Edge of a Wheel (3) 19 Zero (3) 20 Tycoon, .... Onassis (9) 21 Upright Pillar (6) 23 Turn Down, Decline (6) 24 Give Sp (5,6)

DOWN 2 The supernatural (6) 3 Weeding tool (3) 4 Unit of current (3) 5 Fringed knot (6) 6 Heir to the Throne (5,6) 7 Influences (11) 9 London Theatre (9) 11 Middle of an Earthquake (9) 13 Card Game (5) 18 Handled roughly (6) 19 Cosmic (6) 22 Negative (3) 23 Smallest deer (3)

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LISTINGS

OCTOBER.09.2006 LISTINGS@-".%+*%$$.COM

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NME Rock ‘n’ Roll Tour !"3'4,(1'+ """ 51-/1 Fri. Oct 13/ 7.30pm Listings Editor Jenna Harris reccommends

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riday the 13th. A date that fittingly plays host to shockrock group The Horrors, a motley collection of musicians who go under the names of Joshua Von Grimm, Faris Rotter, Coffin Joe, Spider Webb and Tomethy Furse, and have song titles based on themes of death and general nasty stuff like parasites. In short, they’re brilliant.

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Oxjam !"64..%7/"6%) Thurs. Oct 12 !"8(9&+(:+ Mon. Oct 9 Listings Editor Jenna Harris reccommends

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his week, Listings is aiming to get a bit worthy and stuff, seeing as October is the official month for Oxjam, and there are loads of events happening in Cardiff. !"# $%&'()# *)+# ,%# ,-)# .%*.)/,0 12345#67#4#5%*,-#8%(#5%()#7/).6"6.49: 9$0# ;<# =4$7># %"# ?6?70# .9&@# *6?-,7# 4*= A4(6%&7# %,-)(# 7/).649# )A)*,7# -4//)*: 6*?#4.(%77#,-)#.%&*,($0#"(%5#-6/#-%/: /)(7# B)# C4# D%&9# /94$6*?# 6*# E%(+6.,%# F-)# G&,&()-)4=7# @&7H6*?# %*# ,-) C%*=%*#I*=)(?(%&*=0#499#+6,-#,-)#465 %"# (4676*?# 5%*)$# "%(# /4()*,# .-4(6,$

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The New Theatre !"#%),-.."'/01"2(1')(

Simon Pope & Neil Davies !"#$%&'()"*)'+ Mon. Oct 9 Listings Editor Rosaria Sgueglia recommends

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his week I didn’t know what to recommend, and because I don’t want to pretend to like things, I chose something which apparently can be seen as an intellectual business, but can also be a good chance to discover somethng new and incredibly fascinating: Art World. !"#$%&'(&)*#+"&&,%&#+'-)'-.&/""01 2%& )3-+-'4& 5"+"& -)& '*"& 6-+)'& #+'-)'-.

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Listings editor Rosaria Sgueglia recommends

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he New Theatre is one of the principal theatres in Cardiff. It is located in the city centre on Park Place, close to the beautiful civic centre buildings.

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Fightstar-17 Oct @ Students’ Union... iLIKETRAiNS-18 Oct @ Barfly... Ray Davies-19 Oct @ St.David’s Hall... Hundred Reasons-19 Oct @ Students’ Union... Stiff Little Fingers-20 Oct @ Coal Exchange... We Are Scientists-21 Oct @ Students’ Union...The Automatic -23 Oct @ Students’ Union...

Graham Coxon-23 Oct @ Coal Exchange... My Alamo- 24 Oct @ Barfly... GuiLLeMoTs- 26 Oct @ SU...Razorlight -28 Oct @ CIA....Amusement Park on Fire-28 Oct @ Barfly ...Secret Garden 28 Oct @ The Point...Dopamine-29 Oct @ Barfly

!"#$!"#$$

37

LISTINGS

OCTOBER.09.2006 LISTINGS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

!"#$%&'(%!)"*%*"+,-%*./%0/1%2./3*,/%3'4%56738

Monday

09/10

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU Cardiff’s own alternative-sweat fest. 10pm2am. £3.

X Factory @ The Taf The University’s student radio station shows off its best DJs. 9pm-1am. Free with NUS. Les Amants Reguliers (Regular Lovers@Chapter Arts Centre.Paris, 1969.

Having taken part in the student uprisings of the previous year, a group of youngsters abandon themselves to the fumes of opium.

At the centre of the group a doomed love grows between a twenty-year-old boy, François, and a young girl, Lilie, both involved in the revolt.7pm.£5.10.

I-Candy @ Tiger Tiger Wales’ latest superclub. £3/4 NUS. Movie Monday @ Molokos DJs, new music, live bands. 7pm. Free.

Pick Of The Day lastmanstanding Promotions & TPF Presents (hed) planet earth with special guests OPM, Weapons &TheBlackout@The Point Formed in 1994, (hed) pe (the p.e. stands for planet earth), is the brainchild of front man Jared Gomes (a.k.a.

M.C.U.D.), who wanted to create a band that fused the region's long-standing punk rock heritage with G-funk-inflected hip-hop, a sound he dubbed Gpunk.Don’t miss them.7.30pm. £10.

Tuesday

10/10

Forecast @ Buffalo BarA weekly clubnight.

Something of a night of hidden treasures: Representing under-represented music. www.weareforecast.com 8pm-3am. £6.

Planet Rock@Clwb Ifor Bac Revamped rock night that promises “familiar classics from the fields of metal, hard rock and goth”. Drinks promotions and you can email song requests. Alternatively, myspace at www.myspace.com/planet_rock_club9pm2pm. £3.

MC Lars@Barfly “Post punk laptop rap” is how MC Lars sees his music, which is an electronically spliced mixture of punk rock, disco, hip hop and emo. Lyrically, nothing is out of his reach: maths, stale emo generics, the social impact of technology… and all of it as hooky and bouncy as you like.7.30pm.£6.

Taxi Driver@Chapter Arts Centre From the very start, with Herrmann’s crashing chords accompanying a yellow cab emerging from a sulphurous steamcloud in a neon-drenched night-time New York, this vivid, violent study of urban paranoia grips like a vice. T.6.30pm.£5.10.

Thomas Carroll Cello Anthony Hewitt Piano@S.T David’s Hall Anthony Hewitt is ‘an excellent pianist, showing impressive clarity, fleet technique and a wide range of tonal colours’. New York Times 1pm.£5.50/4.50.

Wednesday 11/10

Thursday 12/10

Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach Three floors, three different clubs. On one, classic funk and motown, another indie classics and brand new music, and on the final floor, cheese. 9.30pm. £3.

Bullets and Octane @ Barfly An unrelenting, combustible hybrid of gritty, punk-influenced hard rock from O.C.-based Bullets and Octane. No-holds barred, anthemic verse-chorus explosions!!! No wonder Eagles of Death Metal and Flogging Molly are just two bands who invited them on the road. It’s all rock’n’roll. Highly recommended … 7.30pm.£6.

Forecast Presents Shirley Collins@ ThePoint In 1959 Shirley joined legendary musicologist Alan Lomax on a year-long journey through the musical heartland of the Southern States of America. During this field trip they recorded the music of religious communities, social gatherings, prisons and chain gangs, and discovered the legendary bluesman Mississippi Fred McDowell. Don’t miss this traditional English folk singer, collector, writer, researcher and presenter.

7.30pm. £12.

The Bait Shop (Club Night)@Barfly For all those who want a student night with an alternative twist. At the Baitshop we're all about the upcoming trends while keeping a finger in the pie of those gone by. We've got everything from Deathcab and The Shins through to Basement Jaxx and the Chemical Brothers without forgetting to stop by Michael Jackson, Prince and Madonna.

10.30pm.£3/2 with NUS CARD. Clubnight @ La Tropicana Hip-hop and R&B student night. 10pm.

Gojira@Barfly Kerrang faves and stars of this years Great Escape festival. This winter it’s all about GOJIRA. Currently rated as one of the most brutal and extreme metal bands on the planet, these crazy French noise whores are set to tear you a new one!7.30pm. £8.50.

Pick Of The Day Decade (Club Night)@Barfly Decade brings you the very best Pop, Cheese, and crossover tracks from the eighties and nineties. Remember the likes of Care-Bears, dancing flowers, Sonic the Hedgehog and Where’s Wally? Well they all hold a special place in our hearts and so do the tunes!10.30pm. £3/£2 NUS CARD.

Pick Of The Day Cat on a Hot Tin Roof@New Theatre Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Tennessee Williams’s smouldering Pulitzer Prize-winning drama, tells the story of Big Daddy, an affluent Southerner, and his dysfunctional family who have gathered home for his 65th birthday. Unbeknown to Big Daddy, the family is keeping secrets of the present and the past that threaten to change the hierarchy of this old-fashioned southern dynasty forever.Don’t miss this ancient telefiction.

7.30pm. For price, contact venue.

Friday 13/10

Saturday 14/10

Sunday 15/10

..

Access all Areas @ SU New Look Friday. Another Union event, another way to make people drunk. It should be a good night. 10pm-2am. £3.50/£3 adv.

The Dudes Abide @ Clwb Ifor Bach Music for those who love music. An indie and retro night that takes in the heady landscape created by the likes of Hendrix, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin and Dusty Springfield.

10.00pm – 2.30am. £3.50/ £4.

Mad4It! @ Barfly DJ Mike TV compares an indietastic night of alternative music, from the Strokes to the Smiths. 10.30pm-2am. £5.

Chaos @ Metros The hard rock night. £2.50 before 10pm.

Full Fat @ Moloko Cheeky bootlegs to heavy funk, old skool classics, and jump up party breaks. Free entry before 11pm.

Pick of the Day The Cooper Temple Clause @ SU

The Cooper Temple Clause recently lost bassist Didz Hammond to Carl Barat’s Dirty Pretty Thing, but despite that the Reading-formed group are still going strong with their own blend of rock music. 7.30pm. £11.50.

Johnny Panic @ Barfly They apparently get their name from Sylvia Plath's work Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams. The East London band aren't shy about infusing their contagious pop-rocking grooves with a dose of social consciousness. 7.30pm. Contact venue for more information.

Beneath The Surface & Loose Club Present:.Cronometrobudu @ Clwb Ifor Bach 8pm, £4.

Zabrinski / Y Ffyrc / Y Rei / DJ Betty Alban @ Clwb Ifor Bach Welsh psychedelic hip-hop. 9:30pm. £5.

Come Play @ Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room. Traffic (DJ and clubbing society) playing house music in the other. 10pm. £3.50.

Blueprint @ Moloko Retro disco, future house, disco roots, drinks promos. Latin in the Express lounge. Free before 10pm, £3.50 after.

Fly Swatter @ Barfly Indie party fest that mixes up the best music with the even better. 10.30pm. £5 NUS. Hellbent! @ The Model Inn, Quay Street Cardiff city’s only rock night on a Saturday.

9pm - 2am.

Delinquent @ Metros Alternative and new music mixed with the best indie tunes. The dungeon-like surroundings makes it even better. 9pm-4am. Free with flyer before 10pm/£4.

Clwb Cariad @ Clwb Ifor Bach Contemporary sounds (downstairs) with a little bit of other stuff thrown in 10pm – 2.30am. £3/4.

Stu's Party @ Buffalo Bar Stu’s having a party... and you’re all invited.

For more information, you can visit www.stusparty.com. 8pm- 4am, £4.

Orchestral Concert Series: La Scala Philharmonic Orchestra / Riccardo Chailly @ St. David’s Hall A programme of works written by Rossini, Puccini, Respighi and Stravinsky. 7:30pm, from £13.50.

Pick Of The Day And They Will Riot / Splinter (2) / Screaming Eagles @ Clwb Ifor Bach And they will Riot are a Cardiff-based band who are said to bear a similarity to Mogwai in some instances of their music.

If you like your indie, and you like supporting local bands, then this should be a good gig to go to. 8pm, contact venue for more information.

Pick of the Day The Hop @ Buffalo Bar Resident DJs present 50’s night: rock ‘n’ roll, jive, rockabilly and psychobilly. Cult 50s films, drive in themes and extra large milkshakes are said to be involved as well. 8pm-3am. Free.

Open Mike (Upstairs) @ Buffalo Bar An intimate and relaxed atmosphere, along with your chance to experience live acoustic acts, songwriters, bands and performers, as well as participating yourself if you so desire and sharing your musical talent with the rest of the world. (OK, a small part of Cardiff.)

8pm-3am. £1.

No Wax @ Moloko Bring your MP3s and you can be a DJ. I reccommend hijacking the venue and subjecting people to obsure indie bands (Terris, anyone?), or Wagner’s Ring Cycle- as odd as you can make it. 7pm-2am. Free.

Experimentica 06: Blender @ Chapter Arts Centre David Patrick Myers and John Collingswood form a fresh alliance with Frank Naughton (rocketstar) and Felix Otaola (imperial pigs) to create an evening of improvised soundscapes that range from gently sublime to full-on audio assault. 8pm, contact venue for more information.

Audiocalm / Supergene / The Southern Electrics / The Rise @ Clwb Ifor Bach Audiocalm - An emotional and beautiful indie sound.

The Southern Electrics feature Bill McGruddy from South East Londo, and apparently provide a “refreshing mix of cutting edge psychedelia,” according to Ents24.com. 7:30pm-11pm. £5.

Tim Bromage: Jam {N.S.R.V}@Chapter Arts A performance project exploring notions of grief and penance, drawing biblical imagery and the industrial working environment.Supported by the Arts Council of Wales. 9pm.

Aperture present Noisia Vision / Knowledge / Kid Robot / T-Base @ Clwb Ifor Bach Aperture present Noisia Vision feat Knowledge / Kid Robot / T-Base. DRUMBASS-JUNGLE. 10pm. £5/£6.

The Abominable Iron Sloth@ Barfly Belching out music crafted around the intriguing idea of a mythical beast that, upon waking from an involuntary cryogenic slumber, ravaged all those who had helped him convalesce. Gaining a timely and ferocious taste for human blood this is The Abominable Iron Sloth.7.30pm.£7.

SNG Presents Seth Lakeman plus special guest Carus@The Point Seth Lakeman began playing music with his parents and brothers Sean and Sam at an early age. As The Lakeman Brothers the three brothers released their debut album 'Three Piece Suite' back in 1994. Don’t miss this special chance to hear,see and live Seth Lakerman.7.30pm.£10.

VENUES

Students’ Union, Park Place 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Moloko, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

38 !"#$!"#$$

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SPORT

OCTOBER.09.2006 SPORT@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Rugby Cores

IMG NETBALL GROUPS

The IMG draw IMG FOOTBALL GROUPS Group A Zoology JapSoc Socsi Law B MOMED Pharm AC Real Ale Madrid TWNN

Group C English Law A Butthead FC Carbs KMPG History Uni Hallstars Pyscho J-Unit

Group B Economics Arse’Alona Thomas Tank Engin Boca Seniors Myg Myg JOMEC Esplanyol Gym Gym

Group D Cardiff Crusaders Chem Soc Havana Dragons Park Rangers Inter Me-Nan Thunderkatz AFC Cathays EUROS

Group A Dynamo Tigers IWC B Cardiff A Socsi A IWC A Carbs B Group B Automotive Christian Union Cardiff B Optometry Economics B Socsi B Group C SAWSA Carbs A Pharmacy B Law B English A Law A Group D Locomative English B Gym Gym Pharmacy A Medics Economics A

George Pawley Sports Editor

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!"#$%&"'($)"%*& +,""-(&./0&#% WHAT A WEEK. It’s been all go at AU HQ - we had record numbers at the AU Fayre (over 2,500 signed up), and also at the IMG Fayre (over 700).

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The bottom line Tom Williams Sports Writer JOEY BARTON of Manchester City is a nasty piece of work. But at the same time, I find myself wanting to defend him, because I feel that he has been treated unfairly. !"#"$%#%&'#()#*+",-.#/01%#0"#23%4"(& "$%#5%%6%&'#7%)(4%#80."9#:04"(&#$0&'; %'# $+.# .$+4"# "(# 0# '+.078%'# 050,# )0&# +& "$%#<4(5'=#!.#$%#5086%'#70<6#"(504'. "$%#">&&%8#$%#74+%)8,#704%'#$+.#7>1#+& 4%.?(&.%# "(# "0>&".# )4(1# "$%# 23%4"(& )0&.=#@$%#4%.>8"A#B>"40/%=#

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CARDIFF’S RUGBY squad were treated to a talk from WRU High Performance Manager Alan Davies, as part of preparations for the upcoming BUSA season.

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Snooker news

BARTON: Cheeky Boy

THE FIRST SNOOKER club tournament of 2006/2007 was won by fresher David Eames, who came top out of a field of 20.

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FULL DRAW INSIDE

Group of Death

!"#$%&#' &()#* George Pawley Sports Editor CARDIFF’S FOOTBALL preparations were dealt a severe blow before the season has even begun, following a serious injury to one of the stars of the trials.

Spanish ERASMUS student Juan Gutierrez broke his leg after being ‘caught’ in a challenge during an 11a-side trial match for the University side, resulting in an operation on Monday.

Gutierrez was helped off the pitch, given an ice pack and left the Llanrumney pitches in an Ambulance with Football General Secretary Jack Jones.

Following his operation, Gutierrez commented that, “Everything went perfectly, though the pins in my leg have caused me some pain.”

Club Chairman Nick Bowker noted how impressive Gutierrez had been before he suffered the injury: “He looked a definite first team player: superb touch, and he gave himself plenty of time on the ball. Everything he did was simple and effective, he had the mark of a good player.”

Unfortunately, Gutierrez may miss a significant amount of the season.

On his timetable of recovery, he stated, “Hopefully I will be back playing in January. The cast will be on for a month-and-a-half, and then I expect to have physiotherapy for another month.”

Dave Menon Sports Editor

The IMG draw

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