gair rhydd - Issue 730

Inside GRiP: Supergrass make Cardiff feel alright

News speak to Neil Kinnock about Europe

Monday 11 November / Free Word 730

gairrhydd “We will remember them”

Homophobic campaign targets Halls students Mark Cobley reports LESBIAN, GAY and bisexual students at Cardiff have been shocked and horrified at an insidious homophobic campaign carried out against them in Halls of Residence.

The harassment has been started in response to the Union’s own antihomophobia drive.

This involved placing fliers on every bed in universityowned accommodation, raising awareness of LGB issues and carrying the clear message “Homophobia is wrong, don’t live with it.”

However since then many homosexual and bisexual students have been subject to increasing harassment – as a

direct response to the flier.

Alarming reports have been received of a group of students going around halls, knocking on doors and talking to residents about homosexuality.

The group was quoted as saying “homosexuality is a sin”, and that it is “wrong”, “immoral” and “unnatural”.

The group also requested residents to inform them “of any LGB students that you know so that we can talk to them and show them the error of their ways”, as well as distributing religious literature.

There have also been reports of student groups engaging in similar activities in other institutions in Wales, such as Swansea and

“Homosexuality is a sin. It is immoral, unnatural and wrong.”

ALLEGED COMMENTS OF ANTIHOMOSEXUALITY GROUPS

Are LGB students safe from discrimination in Halls?

Lampeter, and other cases throughout the UK. Several cases have led to some religious groups being banned from Students’ Unions.

These new incidents at Cardiff come just a few weeks after the Church of England appointed a new Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams, well-known for his liberal, tolerant views towards homosexuality.

James Knight, until recently the Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual students’ officer for the Union, commented: “Such blatant homophobia has an enormous potential for damage, especially given the vulnerable nature of many LGB students who may not have come out to anyone before coming to university.

“Conceivably, they might not come out at all now, leading to further suffering for these students”.

James went on, “Nationwide, lesbian, gay and bisexual students are facing active and organised prejudice not only from different religious groups, but also from far-right political groups such as the BNP. “This is why Cardiff Union has a ‘no-platform’ policy, to protect all students from bigotry, prejudice and discrimination.

“However, this ‘noplatform’ policy does not extend to Halls.

“I implore the Union Executive to take action on this incredibly serious issue as a matter of urgency because when prejudice is allowed a foothold in one area of university life, inevitably it will begin to pervade other areas.

“We must stop this blatant discrimination, find out who is at the bottom of it, and prevent the situation from occurring ever again”.

Any students who may have suffered such discrimination and prejudice are urged to contact the LGB society through the cardiffstudents.com webpage, or approach the Union Executive officers.

Happy Hallowe’en!

Mel Ackbory reports ON HALLOWE’EN night the Student’s Union was transformed into a ghoulish grotto, with devils, monsters and other creatures all out in strength.

But it was all for a good cause. The Rocky Horror Event, held in Solus on October 31 raised nearly £3,000 for Breast Cancer Awareness.

Emma King, the event’s organiser, said: “We’re all very excited that the night went so well. We all had a great time and raised a lot of money for the charity.

“The RAG and SHAG societies helped out a great deal, as well as the Union’s Entertainment department, especially the new Marketing Manager Patrick Smith.

“We’re very grateful to everyone who helped us out”.

SHAG also collected money during the week and held a stall during the night with leaflets and information about breast cancer. £2,000 was raised through ticket sales alone and the rest was raised through collecting money during the week, selling pink ribbons and holding a raffle.

Prizes were donated by

Fast Phones shop in the Union, UGC, HMV, Thornton’s Chocolates and Lush Cosmetics.

The event was organised in conjunction with the “In The Pink” campaign, which is run by the charity Cancer Research UK. It is Britain’s leading charity, with a team of 3,000 scientists, doctors and nurses working together towards finding a cure for cancer.

WE INTERVIEW BRITISH SPRINTER DARREN CAMBELL IN SPORT, PAGE 24 News p 1–6 ● Letters p.11 Features p.15 Comment p. 9 ● Sport p.24 ● GRiP p15 ● TV listings, GRiP p.21

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News

November 11 2002

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IN BRIEF Windsurfing Xpress search for voiceovers

competition to find Cardiff’s Bay Lord John Collingridge reports

XPRESS RADIO is giving Cardiff students the chance to get on the city’s airwaves in a new competition, the Voice of Xpress.

The station is seeking both male and female voiceovers, Welsh or English. An Xpress spokesperson said, “This is a great way of getting into radio and will improve your CV”.

Auditions are being held in the Nelson Mandela Council Room, 4th Floor of the Union on November 20, 6-7 pm.

For more information call Reena Gopaul, Head of Audio Production on 02920 781530.

PFI debate A SPECIAL event held by the BBC and Cardiff University this month will investigate the controversial Private Finance Initiative (PFI).

Professor Allyson Pollock of University College London will speak on the ‘PFI versus Democracy’ at the BBC Regeneration Lecture on Wednesday 13th November.

The talk will address issues such as the public implications of using private finance in public sector investment, with reference to the NHS. Admission is free, but by ticket only. Tickets are available from the University’s Glamorgan Building, or BBC Wales on 0870 013 1812.

The lecture will start at 6.15pm in the Glamorgan Building, King Edward VII Avenue.

Pizza legends STARVING HACKS at the GR Office had reason to be thankful to Domino’s and Assistant Editor Joe Faine last Thursday.

The legends came through in a pinch and we love them.

Simon Weston was not involved.

gair rhydd ADDRESS University Union Park Place Cardiff CF10 3QN

STUDENTS FROM across Britain converged on Cardiff for the first competitive windsurfing event the Bay has seen.

Organised by Cardiff Windsurfing Club, the contest drew about 200 competitors.

Catering for beginners to advanced windsurfers, the two-day event even included a freestyle competition.

The party continued to make waves at Seren Las, drawing in even more of a crowd.

“Search for the Bay Lord” has been held on the Llandegfedd Reservoir near Pontypool for the past three years, but its move to the capital makes it the largest annual event yet of the Student Windsurfing Association.

The attraction of the bay lies not only in its uniquely Competitors described the contest as the ‘best ever student windsurfing event’ central location but also in the constant favourable wind, “an amazing success - we just such as Sola, who donated Addiction, Hifly, Animal, Bic Locley Sails, over Sport, flat water and large surface hope to be there again next two wetsuits worth £160, and studentwindsurf- BoardSeeker.com, studenyear”. area.

Many competitors called it ing.co.uk, who provided twindsurfing.co.uk and the Emma Thaine, one of the event’s organisers and chair- the “best ever student wind- many varied surfing acces- Taf. The organisers express sories. woman of Cardiff surfing event”.

Other sponsors include their thanks to all who supNumerous sponsors were Windsurfing Club, described how it had quite simply been vital to the event’s success Aftershock, Red Bull, Wind ported the event.

Postgrad survey is cause for concern Mark Cobley reports THE FIRST survey of postgraduate students at Cardiff since 1996 has uncovered some worrying results.

According to the survey, significant numbers of postgraduates are concerned about both the levels of funding and the training they receive to teach ordinary undergraduate students.

28 per cent of the postgraduates surveyed said that their skills training was unsatisfactory, while nearly a quarter of postgraduates said that the training they got for teaching was ‘poor’ or ‘very poor’.

However, the University’s Graduate Board has criticised the survey, saying not enough postgraduates replied to make it representative.

Commenting on the survey, the Union’s Postgraduate

Students’ Officer, David Manning, said: “I was very pleased to have the opportunity to survey postgraduates to find out what they think.

“I was disappointed that not more postgraduates took part, which meant that the university graduate board did not pay as much attention to the results as they perhaps should have.

“I hope the University will take the issue of training and support for postgraduates who teach seriously, as this will be to the benefit of both postgraduates and the undergraduates who learn from them.”

There was also good news in the survey. Postgraduate research students were very satisfied with their supervisors, with more than 70 per cent rating them as excellent or very good.

EDITORIAL 02920 781434/436 ADVERTISING 0845 1300667 EMAIL SSUGR1@cf.ac.uk VISITORS Find us on the 4th floor of the Students Union

David Manning with the Deputy VC, Haydn Ellis

Single issue campaign Mark Jenkins reports CARDIFF UNIVERSITY is involved in developing an advice program helping single parent families deal with the financial barriers they may face.

The National Council for One Parent Families (NCOPF) has commissioned staff from the Law School to run the initiative.

Information gathered will help identify the financial advice needs of single parents and the research aims to highlight problems they often face in getting such advice.

The project is being funded partly by the Nuffield Foundation, which has granted £70,000 to the NCOPF. Working on the project is Law School professor Gillian Douglas, Secretary-General of the International Society of Family Law. She will be joined

by Richard Moorhead, a senior research fellow.

Kate Green, director of NCOPF said, “Only one third of lone parents receive any child maintenance from a former partner.

“This means they desperately need advice. I am delighted that we have been able to commission the team from Cardiff Law School to research their advice needs.”

News

November 11 2002

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Students testdrive condoms Victoria Moores reports

Union’s LGB Officer is forced to quit

the purpose of this is to ensure those employed will give “frank responses that can be used for product develop- Peter Bramwell reports ment”.

The venture has been sub- CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S ject to much criticism over the LGB officer has been forced impression it creates of stu- to resign because he candents, and some have not afford to pay his tuition expressed concerns that stu- fees and has left the dents may feel pressurised University.

And the manner of James into having sex.

Ms. Wells commented, Knight’s resignation has raised “We’re not saying that students questions over student fees are more promiscuous than and how these affect Lesbian, anyone else, but they are our Gay and Bisexual students.

He told the gair rhydd, “I target age group and could all was unable to pay my fees at do with some extra cash”.

Anyone interested in the the start of the academic year position should visit condo- and consequently I was mi.co.uk to complete an appli- denied the right to enrol on my course”. cation form.

Starting at the University two years ago, James was entitled to the minimum loan of £2,850 because of his parent’s financial assessment.

Shortly after this, he came out to his family about his sexuality.

Subsequently, his parents withdrew their support and ceased to assist him financially.

He was then faced with

OVER 4,000 students have applied to take part in a scheme in which they will be paid £100 a term to test condoms.

German manufacturer Condomi are to select a limited number of people to test its new range of condoms.

Successful applicants will receive the entire product range and be required to give feedback on the comfort, pleasure and all round performance of each type.

All of the condoms have already passed BSI safety tests.

The aim of the research is to find out why people do not like wearing condoms.

Victoria Wells, Marketing Manager for Condomi said, “Once we have found out what our customers like and don’t like, we can improve the condoms to encourage people to use them.

“Hopefully, this will help prevent sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies”.

Applicants must be in a stable, long-term relationship, and, as with any other job, they must complete an application form.

This form is far from standard though, with intimate questions regarding the applicant’s ultimate fantasy and most embarrassing sexual experience.

“Don’t you know the Pope According to the company, says it’s a sin?”

“I was unable to pay my tuition fee and had to leave university.”

JAMES KNIGHT, FORMER LGB STUDENTS’ OFFICER

prospect of taking care of himself; paying £1,000 tuition fees as well as the £3,000 rent it cost to live in Cardiff all year round.

Because he could not prove that he was financially independent, he was still only allowed the minimum loan.

He said, “At first I tried to manage with a part-time job in a bar. After that I moved on to working full time in telesales.

“However, I was still unable to meet my financial demands; particularly my tuition fees”.

James has fallen through the net of support and has now left university with £8,500 worth of debt and no degree.

Unfortunately, however, this is not just a one-off case.

Hundreds of other LGB students have the same problem every year.

They are faced with the dilemma of whether to go to University with their parents’ support, or to be honest and James Knight is sad to be leaving Cardiff Union tell their family, the ones whom they love, about their if they were, they would be Sadly, his loss of student stasexuality. tus meant that constitutionally Highlighting that some- independently assessed.

“We must demand that he could no longer continue thing must to be done to stop to hold office. it happening to students in equality is our right”.

“A date for the Bi-election Saddened at what has hapthe future, James said: “LGB students are discrimi- pened, Matt Lyddon, Chair of for the post of LGB officer has nated against because their the Student Union Council yet to be scheduled.

“However, nominations are relationships are not legally stated, “Mr Knight served his recognised in the same way fellow students with passion open from Monday November as heterosexual relationships - and dedication as LGB officer. 11”.

Cardiff top-up fees ‘a realistic danger’ Dominic O’Neill reports CARDIFF STUDENTS could pay fees of up to £10,000, NUS Wales has warned.

After Students’ Union officials visited the National Assembly to voice their concerns, only a third of Assembly Members agreed to actively confront the issue.

The Vice-Chancellor of Cardiff University has also said he is unable to confirm that students at Cardiff will not pay extra.

NUS Wales President Tom McGarry accompanied officials from all over Wales to lobby AMs last Tuesday.

But many refused to sign a letter confirming their opposition to the fee proposals.

With Imperial College in London recently suggesting they could charge fees of up to £10,000, the issue has shot to the top of the higher education agenda.

Some sources have even suggested it played a part in the momentous resignation of

the former Education Secretary, Estelle Morris.

Among the AMs who could not confirm their opposition to top up fees were Lib Dem Cardiff Central AM Jenny Randerson and Education Minister Jane Davidson.

Both said they would take away the petition and examine it before signing.

However, Conservative Education spokesman Jonathan Morgan signed up, as did his Plaid Cymru counterpart Helen Mary Jones.

Cardiff University Student Union Welfare Officer Emma Bebington says the university may be forced to charge top up fees to keep up with other high profile institutions.

“This is a very realistic danger”, she said.

“If Cardiff is to compete with the best universities, we may have to increase fees”.

With Cambridge and Oxford universities both saying they have plans to charge top up fees, Emma Bebington confirmed she thinks there is

a real risk that top-up fees will happen in some form.

“Students could end up paying as much as £10,000 a year,” she said.

“The Rees report has already said that the threshold for paying tuition fees is already too low in Wales.

“There are also a large number of students who pay fees but receive no support from their parents”.

However, Tom McGarry was more upbeat.

Jane Davidson

“This was our first-ever lobby in NUS Wales, and it was a success.

“We have focused on the threat of top-up fees but also want the government to implement the wider recommendations of the Rees Report, which include the abolition of fees altogether.

“Although many AMs did not sign, there was loud approval for Labour AM Christine Chapman when she spoke against top-up fees”.

Tom McGarry

HE funding review put off yet again Anna Hodgekiss reports A SECOND delay in the Higher Education Funding Review this week has cast a dark cloud over the country’s universities and soured relations with the Government even further.

New Education Secretary, Charles Clarke, was due to notify vice-chancellors of their three-year budget but this has now been postponed until January.

It is feared that universities will soon be given the green light to charge whatever they like for tuition fees, scrapping the current £1,100 limit.

Top -up fees have been in the headlines recently, and are opposed widely by many.

Clarke’s first move as Education Secretary is a likely re-introduction of student living allowances to compensate for higher fees.

The grant, worth around £1,000, is likely to be tapered, with students from better-off backgrounds receiving a mere few hundred pounds. Families earning up to £40,000 per year

may benefit from this ‘higher education maintenance allowance’.

Worse, families earning over £40,000 may well face fees between £2,000 and £10,000.

However, the idea of topup fees has been so badly received, cynics believe the funding review has been delayed to allow the Government thinking time.

Universities have repeatedly requested more funding, with several in the red and staff demoralised over pay.

However, Margaret Hodge, the Government’s Higher Education minister, told them they were “living in cloud cukoo land”.

It seems Hodge does not regard fees as a hardship though, having been quoted a fortnight ago as saying “students should see the contribution they make to the cost of their education as a good investment“.

Conservatives and Liberal Democrats both claim to oppose the looming top-up fees.

Interview

November 11 2002

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Wizard or Windbag?

As the EU enlarges eastwards and the euro referendum looms, Mark Cobley speaks to Cardiff University’s most famous ex-student - European Commissioner Neil Kinnock IN AN age when people seem to be growing increasingly disillusioned with politics, there is one group of politicians who fare even worse than most– the men and women who run the European Union.

The popular image of the EU, fuelled by a sometimes overtly hostile press, is one of unelected, corrupt bureaucrats drawing up useless laws on the straightening of bananas and trying to ban pounds and ounces.

However, Cardiff University students may have more reason to support the EU than most.

One of its most important

leaders studied here over 40 years ago: Neil Kinnock, former Labour Party leader and now Vice-President of the European Commission, one of the EU’s ruling bodies.

Neil was elected as Cardiff Union President in 1965 – the start of a political career that would eventually take him from the South Wales Valleys to the corridors of power in Brussels.

Today, he is intent on bringing what he sees as the benefits of the EU home to Britain, and Wales – and not least to the students of his former University.

“There are many reasons why students should support the European Union, and not

“For the first time, we can be sure our children won’t have to kill fellow Europeans.”

NEIL KINNOCK ON THE BIGGEST BENEFIT OF BEING IN THE EU

just support it, but be excited by it”, he said.

“The first thing is, it exists.

For the first time, we can be absolutely sure that our children and grandchildren will never have to wear uniforms and kill fellow Europeans.

That is no romantic overstatement, it is the truth.

“Secondly, we have this vast single market, which is about to get bigger with enlargement, so we have 500 million consumers to which there is totally free access.

“So the opportunities for jobs and for development and prosperity are at an unprecedented level, unequalled anywhere in the world.

“Thirdly, very specifically for young people, the future of Europe is literally opening up, providing people with access, whether it’s for leisure and holiday purposes, or study and work purposes that has never ever existed before.

“Students will know about the specific programmes;

Neil Kinnock, Vice-President of the European Commission Socrates, Leonardo, Erasmus and others”.

There is evidence that students and young people find some truth in Neil’s words.

The regular Eurobarometer survey of public opinion found that, in the UK, 13 per

cent more students than ordinary people describe EU membership as a “good thing”.

This does not surprise the Commission Vice-President.

“Youth by definition, thank God for it, is less daunted,

less susceptible to prejudice and less impressed by isolationism.

“As each generation is passing, more and more young people everywhere feel themselves to be confident citizens of the world”.

Question and Answer: Commissioner Kinnock You’ve sometimes been described as the architect of New Labour. Do you ever think it should be you in No.10 and not Tony Blair?

No, I don’t. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t say that there were moments, two specifically.

One was May 2nd 1997, the other one was, to a lesser extent, the election in 2001.

The human being part of me said ‘this is terrific, but it could have been me’.

I can honestly tell you that it lasted seconds.

Happily for me, I’ve been able to move on, because life would have been a torture if I kept on saying to myself, ‘What if, what if’. I mean, people go mad thinking that.

I can name some of them!

What do you think of the Labour government? Is it the sort of government you would have wanted?

It’s made huge progress, particularly in economic policy.

It has also done a lot of things that don’t get a lot of attention in the newspapers.

For instance, Britain’s whole record on overseas aid and development has been transformed. People are alive today who wouldn’t be alive but for that change.

The level of public investment in the health and education services which Labour is putting in is historically unprecedented in the UK. The low level of unemployment is an immense blessing too. Take my old constituency in Islwyn. In the worst times under Margaret Thatcher, we had 17 per cent unemployment there, which is unimaginable today.

The unemployment rate there now is just under 4 per cent.

The euro referendum: Have you spoken about it to Blair, as one Labour leader to another? Any hints when it will be?

What do you think? If you ask me for the date, I don’t know the date, and one of the reasons I don’t know the date is that the Prime Minister doesn’t know the date yet!

Neil shows his joy at Labour’s 2001 re-election

Why would you say students should vote ‘YES’ to joining the euro?

We will join the euro, one way or another, eventually.

The choice is whether we go into a euro that we helped to make, now, and therefore

reflects British priorities, or whether we go into a euro that somebody else has made, and we have to live with the consequences ten, twenty years down the line. That’s the only choice in the end.

What about the ERM (exchange-rate mechanism)? The last time we tried to join a European currency system, in 1992, it all ended in disaster.

The greatest thing about the euro is that it’s not the ERM. There’s all the difference in the world between the two.

The ERM left the national currencies, like the franc and the deutschmark and the pound, in place, it just tied them to each other.

All of them were still subject to speculation and instability.

Now, the eurozone countries have got rid of that completely. They’ve got the secondbiggest currency in the world.

They’ve effectively eradicated the possibility of instability.

One of the dangers for Britain, with the pound, is that now we will be caught between the dollar and the euro, like a little boat bobbing up and down between two ocean liners.

We will have no control over the way in which our currency moves.

You’ve taken what some might say is the hardest job in the EU – reforming

the European Commission.

What steps are you taking to make sure it is open, accountable and efficient, and to avoid a repeat of the 1999 debacle when the Commission was forced to resign over fraud?

The thing that has basically been wrong with the Commission is not that it’s insular, arrogant, or corrupt.

The basic thing wrong with it was that it fell behind the times.

45 years passed, and everything about the European Union changed, but not the organisation of its executive body.

My job therefore is to design the changes in systems, structures, and the use of people’s capabilities in a way that will catch up with developments in the last 45 years.

We are doing it by allocating individual responsibility as well as changing the career structure, so people stop getting promoted simply because they’ve been there a long time.

We are also moving from the ancient system of accounting to the state-of-the-art ‘Accruel’ system, which is only used in three EU countries so far.

That’s a massive change, it involves the re-training of 3,500 people to start with, and it involves the renovation of the computer software system, which is going to cost a lot of money.

What do you remember of your time in Cardiff?

I enjoyed my time as President very much. I was the Reform Candidate then, too - I changed the constitution, changed the rules in the bar – in fact we were the first ones to install cash registers in the bar. That saved us a hell of a lot of money!

But my worst experience at Cardiff was failing my degree.

I failed one paper in history, because I never went to lectures or seminars! But I let my parents down, so that was bloody awful.

I really had to decide at that point whether I was going to be a perpetual good-time boy, or whether I was going to get down to some real work.

I must say, I’ve had to make up, every year since I’ve graduated, for the work I didn’t do beforehand!

As one Union President to another, have you got any advice for Caz Noyes, the current President?

How about, “Did you really want to do this?!”

Seriously though, I wouldn’t dream of offering advice.

Every person who takes over an elected office like that is the first one ever to get there, as far as they are concerned.

But they know their fundamental obligation is to offer democratic representation and good judgement.

Cardiff

November 11 2002

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CRIME FILE

Cardiff makes shortlist for Euro culture capital Rupert Hall reports

BURGLARIES UWIC EXPERIENCED two burglaries this week, one involving a laptop being stolen through an open ground floor window, the other a result of access to an empty room.

Another laptop was stolen from Cardiff’s Hodge Hall after a student left their window open.

PC Keohane advised students to lock all doors and windows when away from their rooms to prevent such incidents.

CYCLE THEFT BICYCLES HAVE also been stolen from Talybont, Cardiff Law School and UWIC residences.

Students should ensure they obtain a substantial lock and use it every time their cycle is unattended, even if only for a few minutes.

HARASSMENT CASE RESOLVED A MAN believed to be suspicious within the Salisbury Road area has now been identified as a relatively harmless student.

The young man was also spotted on the Talybont site over last weekend, again trying his luck.

Despite initial concern, PC Keohane assured female students.

“He is not malicious, just quite bad at chatting girls up.

“However, he did approach many girls and it is because they informed Security that we were able to identify him”.

If anyone is approached and feels uneasy, please contact the Security Centre on 02920 874444 or the police.

MORE PHONE THEFTS PHONE THEFTS continue to be a huge problem throughout Cardiff, according to police.

The police warn that thieves are increasingly targeting the busy shopping centres in town.

Keeping phones hidden from view will reduce chances of becoming a victim.

If any student has any information on these or any other crimes, please contact PC Bob Keohane on 02920 527268 or University Security on 02920 874444.

PC Bob’s website is at www.cardiffstudents.com/content/police.

Each EU member state takes turns to nominate a city CARDIFF HAS been short- to hold the title, currently by Brugge and listed as one of the six held cities hoping to receive the Salamanca.

From the original twelve widely coveted European Capital of Culture 2008 bids, the cities of Belfast, award, alongside Brighton and Hove, Bradford, Birmingham, Bristol, Canterbury and East Kent, L i v e r p o o l , Inverness and the Highlands Newcastle/Gateshead and and Norwich failed to make the shortlist.

Oxford.

It is widely considered, These designated centres of culture will have to prove especially by members of the they can stage a year-long National Assembly, that to performance, covering all have come this far in the forms of culture and involv- selection stages is a credit to ing both local people and vis- the city and its people and to itors, before Tony Blair win would be one of the announces the winner next greatest events in Cardiff’s history.

May. Winning the award would undoubtedly benefit Welsh “This demonstrates industry, particularly the business, tourism and multimedia sectors. that Cardiff ranks A successful bid would also create in excess of 3,500 among the best jobs.

Chief Executive of Cardiff British cities”.

2008 Lynne Williams said, LORD MAYOR RUSSELL “We’re in it to win it and so GOODWAY everyone at Cardiff 2008 is

A wall of personal objects donated by the people of Cardiff forms a focus-point for the city’s capital of culture bid PHOTO: TOM VAUGHAN absolutely delighted to have made the shortlist”.

The Lord Mayor of Cardiff and chairman of Cardiff 2008, Russell Goodway was also

extremely pleased, saying, “This demonstrates beyond any shadow of a doubt that Cardiff ranks among the best of British cities in terms of

cultural potential”.

Glasgow was the last British city to win the European Capital of Culture in 1990.

WAR REPORT

As tension in the international community and at home continues to mount over a possible Iraq war, gair rhydd brings you the student perspective on this pressing issue

Protestors take to streets in Cardiff Simon Baylis reports AROUND TWO hundred protesters braved the ghosts and the rain on Hallowe’en in an anti-war march through the centre of Cardiff.

The protest was organised by the South Wales Coalition to stop the war and was supported by many groups including the NUS and the Cardiff Socialist Students Society.

Demonstrators marched

from Queen Street to an office used by the American consulate on Cathedral Road to protest at the United States’ planned military campaign against Iraq.

Many students took part in the march, such as Cardiff student Micheal Bakunin who told gair rhydd, “This is not a just war. Our demonstration and many like it around the country today aim to show that people can stop a war through protests”.

The procession of people

shouting loud anti-war slogans, carrying banners and walking in middle of the road drew a large crowd of onlookers.

Chants included, “who let the bombs out? Bush, Bush and Blair”, and the Beatles favourite “We all live in a fascist regime”.

At one point protesters completely blocked Cathedral road forcing the police to push people back on to the pavement.

Fortunately, the protest

remained peaceful throughout.

Julian Goss, a spokesperson for the coalition, said: “This protest has been very successful. The best thing about it is the liveliness and the age range of the protesters.

“Many people say that young people today aren’t interested in politics but the proof is right here. We will not take part in a war for oil.

“Already our war protests have sent waves throughout the world but our struggle is

only beginning”.

The demonstration in Cardiff was only part of a nation wide campaign of marches, vigils and other protests that took place on October 31.

The South Wales Coalition to Stop the War is planning further action, including another demonstration in London that it claims will be even bigger than last September’s anti-war rally, which was attended by thousands.

Welsh Assembly building stormed Becky Mulley reports ANTI-WAR protestors forced the National Assembly to review its security policy last week, when six members of the Stop the War Coalition stormed the debating chamber and attempted to handcuff themselves to furniture.

The protest took place last Wednesday during a speech

by Health Minister Jane Hutt AM. The protestors leapt over a three-foot glass partition in the public gallery and rushed

towards the front of the chamber. They proceeded to read out the following statement: “The majority of people in Wales oppose war. We urge our representatives in the Welsh Assembly to make an extraordinary public statement condemning the UK Government’s continued support for this illegal, immoral and catastrophic war.”

Police carried the protestors from the chamber and they were released without charge after 45 minutes, but Lorraine Barrett AM admitted that this incident did show

that “gaps in security” exist.

Deputy Presiding Officer John Marek said a review would be carried out, but he did not know how security could be tightened.

“This is a parliamentary building and the public have the right of access to lobby their AMs, and we have to preserve this access for citizens”, he said.

“I believe that we have good security. All visitors are searched for offensive weapons at entry.

“People have a right to make a non-violent protest if they wish”.

Protestors make their feelings clear

Wales & World

November 11 2002

Page 6

gair_rhydd_news@hotmail.com

Mergers could lead to Welsh ‘Super-Uni’ Mark Cobley reports WALES COULD one day have one single federal ‘super university’ for the entire country, according to reports in the Education Media recently.

Proposals for mergers and alliances have been submitted to meet the Higher Education Funding Council for Wales’ October 31 deadline.

And Cardiff Unversity’s proposed merger with the University of Wales College of Medicine, here in Cardiff, is one of the most important steps that will be taken.

Meetings between University officials have been ongoing in the last couple of months to discuss how to incorporate the two institutions, and the Union Executive Officers have also been in attendance.

However, substantial doubts have been raised as to the merits of the merger, as it emerged that the two institutions will not share staff or properties.

Furthermore, the two Students’ Unions may not even merge, despite the fact that many Medical students frequent Cardiff Union already.

Support for the growing consolidation runs high in Wales’ educational elite.

Tony Chapman, principal of the University of Wales Institute Cardiff (UWIC) and chairman of Higher Education Wales, the body that represents Vice-Chancellors and principals, said: “If we are all awarding University of Wales degrees within the same framework, collaboration will be that much easier.

“People are more wedded

ROMANIA: Workers at a Romanian car plant have come up with an unusual fundraiser to save their jobs: sperm donation.

About 100 employees at the factory in Campulung, in central Romania, are planning to sell sperm to a fertility clinic to reduce their company’s debt.

This follows reports that a clinic in Western Romania was offering payment equivalent to £50 per donation, nearly two thirds of the workers monthly wage.

The plant’s union leader Ion Cotescu described how the men have not been paid for several months due to orders being down and the company owing millions of dollars in debts.

Mr Cotescu explained it had been calculated if 1,000 workers donated sperm for several months, sufficient funds would be raised to finance some of

solidations.

The Association of University Teachers (AUT), the main lecturer’s Union, has written to the National Assembly protesting that they have not been asked their views.

Barry Johnson, assistant General Secretary of the Wales AUT, said, “We want full consultation to ensure the views of staff are considered”.

Merged institutions such as the University of Wales look set to be the future

gair rhydd ...World Roundup...

SPERM SALE HELPS WORKERS

to the idea of a one-nation, one-university model. I’d like to believe that we are driving towards that model”.

Other plans in the pipeline include a merger between Bangor University and North East Wales Institute of Higher Education. There will also be strategic alliances amongst other institutions in Wales.

However, some groups are less confident about the con-

the debt.

He concluded, “the government always told us to come up with a solution. Now we have found one that even the best economists have never thought of".

HACKS PESTER CAMPBELL LONDON: Hundreds of talentless student media junkies descended on London for the Guardian Student Media Day last Wednesday.

Of course, gair rhydd was

Katie Bodinger reports THE RED Devils are set to drop in for the second stage of Cardiff’s Network Q Rally in a rare nighttime sky-dive on Friday November 15.

The eight-man team is one of the top free-fall parachuting teams in the world, carrying out more than 100 displays each year. However, this will only be their second jump in darkness in Britain in 2002.

The team exit the aircraft from up to 10,000ft above the ground and manoeuvre their bodies in free fall to form a group link up. Each member will be wearing a specially developed reflective suit and a halogen-lit helmet that will light up their canopy so spectators can see them in the air.

A team on the ground will mark the precise landing area in the SuperSpecial arena for the divers and provide a commentary for the crowds that are expected to attend.

Red Devils spokesman Billy Blanchard said the team was looking forward to appearing at the SuperSpecials.

He said, “Night-time displays are our speciality, but we very rarely have an opportunity to do them in this country so we’re looking forward to this jump very much.

“It’s also nice for us to be

associated with a world-class sporting event like the Network Q Rally and we hope the crowds will turn out in force to welcome us in Cardiff.”

Cabinet Member Councillor Marion Duke said she was also excited about the display.

“The SuperSpecials are exciting enough as it is, but the Red Devils’ display will make this a real night to remember.

Tickets for the Friday race are sure to be even more in demand now so I urge the people of Cardiff to book up quickly and make sure we give the Devils a big welcome.”

The Network Q Rally runs from November 14-16 and tickets are available from Ticketline in Cardiff on (029) 2023 0130, the National Ticket Hotline on 0870 1212529 or from www.networkq.co.uk

The Red Devils in action

gair rhydd takes its fortnightly look at the places and people making the headlines in Wales, Britain, Europe and the World in attendance, and soon distinguished itself by particularly prodigous use of the cword.

One GR reporter pinned the great man, Alastair Campbell, Press Secretary to Tony Blair, in a Jeremy Paxman-style “same question 17 times” interrogation over electoral reform.

Meanwhile, TV Desk nearly collapsed in fawning admiration.

Simon Weston was not seen all day.

VILLAGE TERRORISED BY ‘VICIOUS’ SQUIRREL Polish sperm, yesterday

Red Devils drop in on Cardiff

Kelsi was pinned to the floor while the animal was trying to prise off her face, leaving a deep gash and heavy bleeding.

Upon hearing the news of Kelsi’s injuries, her grandfather Geoff Horth immediately went out and killed the animal, ending the rodent’s reign of terror.

It is thought the squirrel may have been taken in as a pet and then escaped, having lost its fear of people.

The RSPCA said that they had never heard a story like it.

CHESHIRE: A vicious squirrel who wreaked havoc in the appropriately named village of Knutsford has finally come a cropper.

The animal attacked a man mowing his lawn, as well as many other innocent humans, before sinking its teeth into the forehead of two–year-old child Kelsi, who was on a stroll with her Squirrels: Evil mother.

HOLLYWOOD ACTRESS GOES DOWN AMERICA: Actress Winona Ryder was found guilty of shoplifting nearly £4,000 of clothes at a Beverly Hills court this week.

She allegedly picked up twenty items while moving through the store, yet only paid for four of them.

Store detectives report seeing Ms. Ryder removing security tags from items whilst in the changing room, having brought a pair of scissors with her.

Cleared on a burglary charge but convicted of grand theft and vandalism, Ryder showed no emotion as the verdict was read.

She was arrested at the Beverly Hills branch of Saks Fifth Avenue in December last year, and claimed to be rehearsing for a film role as a shoplifter.

Ms. Ryder was quoted as telling one security officer, "My director directed me to shoplift for a role which I

was preparing”, but told another she had left her credit card with an assistant earlier in the day.

Her lawyer claims she was the victim of Saks employees’ jealousy and that they wanted to punish her, tailoring their evidence to ensure a conviction.

It is unlikely the twiceOscar nominated actress will be jailed, with the judge favouring community service following sentencing next month.

Winona: not at all evil

gairrhydd, Monday 11th November 2002

passing

Comment ● 09

COMMENT

PEAS, PIES, PUDDINGS, CHIPS AND GRAVY/CHOIR NEWS/SOCIETY PAGES/A ROUGE OPINION/HORSE PORN/WOOO! I’M A GHOST! WOOO!/ANYONE GOT ANY VERAS? LAAAVERLY! By D.C. Gates

W

ELL, THIS has all become depressingly familiar, hasn’t it? I write, you read (although I think that assessment is overly optimistic). Nevertheless, this is what I’m (not) paid to do, so we might as well get down to business. Today - well, thirteen days previous, to be precise - I want to talk about the perils of riotous living. You know, spending three whole days on the pop, that sort of thing. Basically, a very good friend of mine, who looks and speaks in a manner almost identical to me, spent most of his weekend afflicted by alcohol. It was his friend’s birthday, and my pal turned up after work to scenes of astonishing destruction and merriment. Then he didn’t leave until Monday, whereon he went out in the evening. Far out, eh? Yeah, I know, there’s nothing big or clever about drinking, no matter what the local hostelries tell us.

But, let’s face it, there’s nothing quite like it for inducing a life-long spiral of selfdisgust and foolishness, forcing you to sell your own possessions to keep up your financial solvency. It’s also rather amusing when you find yourself unable to sleep without drinking heavily beforehand, and you spend the night staring up at the ceiling in utter darkness, the realisation growing that you have become everything that you used to hate.

Every sober waking moment appears pointless and moribund. You might think

that you’d become accustomed, even suited to this futility, but instead it fades in and out of the background, like an image in the corner of the eye. Repeat until ending. Still, here’s to you, readers!

The current academic year seems to have passed by with all the speed and grace of worms through a dog’s colon.

How long before the dread reckoning of assessments and the Christmas holidays turn our worthless, ill-spent and petty lives into whirling nebulae of activity and fear? It’s been very easy until now to blindly go with the rest of the student population - unless you happen to be a final year engineering student (or any year for that matter), in which case you deserve all the breaks you can get - and follow the protestant shirk ethic, the sole tenet of which is “it’ll do tomorrow”.

Unfortunately, this can no longer be the case. Things cannot be put off or forgotten about any longer, unless you want the dubious pleasure of explaining yourself to your tutor, your bank manager and your parents. Ah yes, the parents. No doubt most of you will be spending Christmas in the company of relatives, out of your tiny minds on substances you that would normally avoid like the clap: brandy butter, sherry, port, cigars, mincemeat, and Isle of Islay scotch, to name but a few. However, you won’t be getting your mucky paws on

even a paper hat without informing your dearly beloved of what their darling child has been up to these past months. You won’t receive anything at all if the only things you can tell them about are your circle of new-found friends and your membership of the Puking Society. And that dope habit and the case of crabs won’t do at all. Therefore, despite this advice being somewhat premature, you’ll all the power of your frazzled intellect to a) get some work done, and b) think of watertight excuses for Christmas. Of course, this doesn’t matter if you’re in the first year, as your parents will be delighted with you whatever you’ve got up to, and a mark of 40% is sufficient to pass. You lucky things.

Can I be the first to say that I don’t actually care about the Johnsson-Leslie debacle? You know, like, so what? Well, I’d have liked to have been the first person to make such a remark in print, but in all probability this isn’t the case. In that case I’ll settle for second best - the first person in gair rhydd. That’s going to go on my tombstone, that is, along with a depiction of someone a lot more debonair and handsome than me: Bill Owen, better known as Compo in TV’s Last of the Summer Wine. Now there’s one of my ‘Great Britons’.

Since writing about the University’s

Dustbin of History PENELOPE DORCHESTER (1884-1912)

completely against all her moral convictions, and thus she was to write a series of pamphlets decrying the Suffragette movement. These broadsides were for sale only to men of property, ANOTHER CONTROVERSIAL choice for and bore titles that were, in Dorchester’s own Dustbin of History, as Dorchester was both words, “fierce enough to quell the common reviled and beloved during her short life. She spirit”, such as The Skirted Menace, It Is Red remains in the background of the furious struggles Week All Right, and Democracy: It’s Not For for women’s emancipation, and quite deservedly so. Everyone.

Penelope was born into a well-heeled family, These protests became more vocal during her being the daughter of an admiral and a boxer (her twenties, and she took to attending demonstrations mother, Hermione with a team of hired goons, Dorchester, the first female her eyes trained on her pugilist in Britain, whose opponents and their story will no doubt be told placards. This opposition at a later date), and from was to lead to her downfall, an early age was however, which provides us encouraged to live the Tory with the only reason for way. This upbringing was including her in this notable first to make itself known column. Having heard that to the wider world when a Suffragette rally was she was six, when she being planned near one of drowned her nursemaid in her houses, Dorchester, a sink, having discovered through the work of her her reading a book. A servants, leapt into action. kitten was dispatched in a As the campaigners turned similar manner when a corner, they were faced caught with some ribbons. with the unenviable sight of Most of her childhood Xerxes, Dorchester’s prize years were spent closely horse, charging toward studying the methods of them in a frothing rage. making cheese straws, Dorchester, watching the One of Dorchester’s pamphlets, disguised as action alone from a short whilst berating Cook for Suffragette agitprop, entitled Keep Me In! smelling of flour - a distance behind, sank into process that would become a fit of uncontrollable a mainstay throughout her life. She also had a laughter, and did not see the stampeding crowd of passion for racehorses, especially when they threw Suffragettes careering in her direction. She was their riders or broke their legs. She would often trampled to death in the confusion before any of buy a horse with her winnings for the pleasure of her staff could reach her. shooting it herself.

Her husband, who was finally able to admit his As she reached adolescence Dorchester became disregard for her opinions, largely suppressed her aware of the various campaigns for the writings. Quite frankly, to paraphrase the Bard, parliamentary emancipation of women. This was nothing became her life like the leaving of it.

Puking Society the office has received information and details from two recently established societies. One of these is the aforementioned Puking Society - Vomsoc to its members, and Cardiff University Animal Killers Society. According to their brief press release, Vomsoc are “dedicated to the consumption of substances, such as beer, Marmite and eggs, for the express purpose of vomiting them back up. If you like spewing, blowing chunks, spitting oysters, or merely want to socialise, than Vomsoc is for you”. Rumour has it that within the actual society the puking has taken second place to massive drinking parties, and that it has in fact become little more than an occasional by-product. The latter society, on the other hand, left only a grubby hand-written note, saying “CUAKS: if it’s not a plant or a person, and it’s still alive, we kill it”. Not a very catchy slogan, admittedly, but I have been able to find out about them from one of my more dubious contacts. CUAKS runs trips to abattoirs, glue factories, race courses (in case a horse breaks a leg), dog shows, and the like. They are fond of perusing shop windows in case of spotting a litter of kittens or puppies for sale, and are hoping to hold a dinner in the near future. I’m not endorsing either of these two clubs, but it is the sacred duty of gair rhydd to keep its readers abreast of the latest developments in the

world of societies. Contact details are available in the Comment dustbin, located in the gair rhydd office.

You might think that an area whose main population consists of students, all full of piss and vinegar, and unfettered for now by academic pressure, would have suffered a terrible spate of Halloween high-jinks. However, the trail of eggs and dogshit was mostly confined to more remote suburbs such as Ely and Llanrhymney. Admittedly I spent all of the evening of the 31st at work, so the extent of my Halloween horrors were some people talking loudly as they passed my window on their way home.

Meanwhile, in the other end of the city, families and the elderly spent the evening cowering in their rooms as brick-wielding devil children haunted the night in a strange echo of Bacchanalian rites. At least, this is what we are told went on.

The spectre of bad behaviour on Halloween is an annual godsend for the local press everywhere, as no-one will question a story concerning “youth on the rampage”. A brick through a shed window, a paltry titbit at any other time of year, can become elaborated into a town-or city-wide crimewave. Fair enough, I am exaggerating, but it would be unrealistic to deny that Halloween always makes the news. More ‘fun’ next week, readers.

Classifieds ● 10

Classified Adve r tising ●

Only 10 pence per word

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£1.00 additional charge for a boxed advertisement

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£2.00 additional charge for photo (box included free of charge)

MESSAGE Please print your Message in the box below. One word in each box. Capitalise words you want in CAPITALS. Underline words you want in bold.

TICK BOX IF BOX REQUIRED: TICK BOX IF PHOTOGRAPH REQUIRED: FOR INSERTION IN THE FOLLOWING ISSUE(S): CONTACT ADDRESS/TELEPHONE: TOTAL COST: Please circle the category you require: Personal; Services; Employment; For Sale; Wanted; Accommodation; Societies; Miscellaneous Please complete this form and return it to: gair rhydd, Cardiff University Students’ Union, Park Place, Cardiff CF10 3QN. All cheques should be made payable to Cardiff Union Services Ltd.

gair rhydd, Monday 11 November 2002

NON-SABBATICAL OFFICERS

ACCOMMODATION

SHAG OFFICE HOURS: Tuesday 3-5pm and Friday 12-2pm W E L S H A F FA I R S O F F I C E R / SWYDDOG MATERION CYMRAEG: Contact Geraint Edwards on edwardsg@Cardiff.ac.uk I N T E R N AT I O N A L S T U D E N T S ’ OFFICER : Contact Natasha Amaradasa on amaradasaNE@Cardiff.ac.uk STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES OFFICER: Contact Natasha Hirst on HirstN2@Cardiff.ac.uk WOMEN’S OFFICER: Contact Melanie Whitter on whitterm1@Cardiff.ac.uk.

LGB OFFICER: Contact James Knight on KnightJ2@Cardiff.ac.uk.

BLACK AND ETHNIC AFFAIRS OFFICER: Contact Ayesha Chawdry on atshie_12@yahoo.co.uk Xpress Station Manager: contact Hiten Vaghmaria on StationManager@Xpressradio.co.uk.

POSTGRADUATE OFFICER: Contact David Manning on manningdj@cardiff.ac.uk All officers (except Xpress Station Manager) can be contacted on the third floor of the Students’ Union.

AU VICE PRESIDENTS: Alex Menary on menarya@cardiff.ac.uk and Kia Smith on smithk7@cardiff.ac.uk IMG CHAIR: Billy Lee on leeb5@cardiff.ac.uk Visiting hours for non-sabbs coming soon.

Room available in shared house in Woodville Road. To share with five others. All mod. cons. Rent £210 per month.

Contact 07989 341785 Need another housemate? Need a house?

Need anything vaguely related to houses and accommodation? This is the place to paste up your note.

EMPLOYMENT And this is where you cast your eyes for those employment prospects, because you’ve spent your loan already, haven’t you.. Come on get your act together, you work shy fops.

MISCELLANEOUS Miscellaneous is the place for all your unclassifiable messages. That would be shout outs, birthdays, well, just about anything really. Be heard! Stand up for yourself. In life.

CELTIC FANS: South Wales No. 1 CSC: Based at Dempsey’s pub, opp. Castle. All available games shown. Regular trips to Parkhead. Student membership, £10.

Contact Ali: 07786914740

1 Male pupil (9) 8 Burn black (4) 9 Vital (9) 10 ___ Kristofferson, American actor (4) 13 Eject (5) 16 Misgiving (5) 17 Savoury jelly (5) 18 Fish-eating mammal (5) 19 Number ina rowing team (5) 20 Phantom (5) 21 Rub out (5) 24 Further (4) 27 Biblical warnings (9) 28 Discredit to one’s reputation (4) 29 Onlooker (9)

Earn £££s working with dangerous animals. Full life insurance and suicide pills provided. Contact 02920 781434.

Liver and kidneys for sale, £30. One previous owner, quite well worn, selling for cashflow problems. Contact gair rhydd for details.

As you may have gathered, the above three advertisements are not strictly legitimate.

That’s because you, the readership, have neglected to send in the sort of meaningless trash and silly photographs that used to grace this section. Why? You could write your own articles independent of editorial control, for God’s sake! What a waste of potential. That’s why I’m having to fill this yawning gap of a column. Therefore, a shout out to me happy birthday for next week. Aww, shucks, guys, you shouldn’t have. That’s it for the next twelve months...

Word up an’ ting to John, Edwin and Danielle. Bo! Guess the person responsible for these missives and win a small and insignificant prize, such as your soul. See page 57.

Cardiff University Students’ Union does not endorse or accept liability for any product/service advertised within this publication.

DON’T FORGET: The Classifieds page is the best way to sell stuff, ask for stuff, sort out a house, stitch up a mate with a ‘hilarious’ birthday photo or to make an announcement to the general populous. Use the form up there. Go on!

CROSSWORD Across:

Hot dogs for sale. Where? Over there, by the beefburgers. £2.99 for as many as will fit in your apron.

Down:

2 Piece of luggage (4) 3 Baking chamber (4) 4 Type of rubber (5) 5 Egg-shaped (5) 6 Vortex of water (9) 7 Institute of legal preceedings against (9) 11 Easily shocked or dusgusted (9) 12 Risky (9) 13 Show feeling (5) 14 Type of unleavened bread (5) 15 Bulky (5) 22 Strewn with boulders (5) 23 Item of female attire (5) 25 Stupefy (4) 26 Veracious (4)

Words, letters, phrases, hurtling through the stratosphere in random directions with wild vigour. Reach out, grab them, and organise them into the grid you see to your right and you’ll be rewarded with a taste sensation that’ll leave you drooling like a rabid gibbon.

Completed crosswords straight up to the gair rhydd office, folks! Last edition’s winner was Laura Thomas Last fortnight’s answers: Across: 1, Bracing 5, Liver 8, Lolly 9, Legally 10, Dawdler 11, Chafe 12, Glance 14, Fatten 18, Pique 20, Impress 22, Edition 23, undue 24, Niece 25, Clement Down: 1, Bulldog 2, Allow 3, Idyllic 4, Galore 5, Logic 6, Valiant 7, Rhyme 13, Acquire 15, Ampoule 16, Nascent 17, Picnic 18, Preen 19, Exile 21, Endue

NAME:________________________ E-MAIL:_______________________ WHO’S YA DADDY? _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

WIN! From gair rhydd’s favourite hangout...

Gourmet platter for two, with coffees and bottle of wine Open ‘til 11, seven days a week.

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Letters ● 11

gairrhydd, Monday 11 November 2002

Letter of the fortnight The author of this fortnight wins free entry to the union shop Dear gair rhydd, I was interested to see a picture of Lorena Wolffer on both the front of gair rhydd and the cover of the GRIP pullout. I was interested because on October 4th, I had seen Wolffer at Chapter performing a piece called While we were sleeping (the Juarez case). In it, she uses her body to document 50 murders of women in Juarez, the Mexican border town where, since the early nineties, more than 300 women have been murdered. The piece, she says, "...involves tracing every one of the registered cuts, strokes and gun-shots inflicted onto these fifty women on my own body with a surgical marker." For Wolffer, her body becomes "a representational vessel for the apparently institutionalized violence against women in Ciudad Juarez."

I opened GRIP hoping to read a review of Wolffer's performance or a profile of her -- or even her name -- but I could find nothing. It was hard to believe -- hard to believe that you had used her picture without any context or explanation. Why? Was there a good reason to use the photograph or were you using the titillation of a naked breast to "sell" your paper? Ironically enough, it seems to me that you have, whether you meant to or not, managed to participate in just the kind of objectification of women that Wolffer is protesting against. It is this kind of objectification that turns women into generic, interchangeable, sexualized body parts - the kind of objectification that, in its most extreme forms, makes violence against women possible. After all, it's easier to rape or kill an object rather than a human being. Using the picture in the way that you have simply does not help matters.

Lorena Wolffer deserves better. We all do.

Dr. Sian Mile Lettersdesk says: OK, fasten your seatbelts because you’re being fast-tracked straight to the top. Here's the GRiP editor: “The picture of Lorena Wolffer was used as the most powerful and provocative image available, to illustrate the Experimentica series at Chapter.

Regrettably, she was not directly referred to in the accompanying article. Undoubtedly, she paradoxically presents her own body to explore her themes. It was GRiP’s intention to give space to important work such as Wolffer’s, though we should have in more detail”.

Arts Desk says: It is always good to hear from someone so passionate about the arts. If you would like to write an article on Wolffer’s work (or anything else) then we’d be happy to hear from you.

Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy!

Dear gair rhydd Due to my soft spot for yeast based beverages, I was forced this year to undertake employment in the bar of our wonderous union.

Last friday I had the fortune of working the Supergrass gig.

Overcome by the excessive side burns to people ratio, it is possible that in my dishevelled state I imagined the apparition before me, but I am quietly confident that I served Ozzy Osbourne. Can anyone verify my sighting? Please do as this would be a mildly interesting story for the grandchildren (not that I have any yet - I'm not from Swansea).

Yours Curious of Kidderminster (it’s great for carpets) Lettersdesk says: What, you mean the TV star from The Osbournes? Wow, wasn’t he in a band once or something? They were pretty good weren’t they?

Arts Desk says: Damn right! In the early 70’s the Sabbath were the loudest, meanest band on the planet! And despite not releasing a decent tune in fifteen years, Ozzy remains the most feared, respected and plain stoopid man in rock. All hail the Prince of Darkness!

Eye-bore Dear gair rhydd, I am writing this letter to save my fellow students £3 and the pain of potentially sitting through, what was for me, possibly, the most boring 2 hours of my university life – and I’m a physics student!

The 14th October edition of gair rhydd contained a grossly inaccurate and disturbingly complimentary review of the film My Little Eye. I went to see this film with 5 mates and we all concluded that it was a hopeless, mockery of a horror film.

To say that it was scary is just wrong, it was slow and clichéd.

Many times throughout the film, quiet scenes were followed by unnecessarily loud noises, like a crow, running water or a door closing, to try and add some atmosphere. Nothing you could describe as even slightly chilling happened until about 5 minutes before the end, unfortunately it was predictable and too-little toolate.

Your review ended with ‘exercise those buttcheeks if you want to stay at the edge of your seat’. The only time I was at the edge of my seat was to lean over to Roger to say ‘This is fucking lame’. The review followed an interview of the director – Marc Evans – a director who happens to come from Cardiff. The interviewer – Neil Blain – just happens to have written the review

as well. Any possibility that he may have taken a back hander, or even sexual favours to give this film a good review?

I couldn’t lay all the blame on the director, after all, a film is only as good as its script. The best director in the world couldn’t have prevented this film from being such a pile of shit.

My final words are EVERYONE, in the name of all that is high and mighty don’t go and see this film!

I’d rather go to the Taf for fuck sake!

George 1st Year Physics Lettersdesk says: Well here’s the man Neil himself to clear this shit up: “I can only apologise that you and Roger disagreed with my review and did not enjoy My Little Eye. Film reviews are always a matter of the writers opinion, and simply a guidance. It’s a common occurence that a reviewer’s opinion disagrees with a readers. I can still only defend the film, although my reasons for this are because I truly believe (as did Empire’s horror guru Kim Newman) that it was a very good film and not, as the letter writer rather childishly accuses, because I received financial or sexual bribery from Marc Evans the director, who remained admirably professional throughout the interview, as did I.” Well there you have it, straight from the horses mouth, which I probed extensively for semen traces and found none.

So no sexual favours from our Neil this fortnight.

Thorough Explanation (marks) Dear gair rhydd, I have been reading all the letters sent to you recently and cringing at some of the tools writing in. Let's get things cleared up. The Taf is great, if a little bit hot! It used to be a dive! Dark, dingy and full of people who belong in a Marilyn Manson video! The Union too is awesome!

I'm a huge fan of the decision to turn the 'quiet' room into either a karaoke room or jazz room, it does bring some choice to the music listened to in the club!

OK I can understand the whinge about the prices as you can get a lot cheaper bottles at other places in town. Here's my advice; if you don't like the prices, don't fuckin' go! Don't whinge about it and still go along and whinge some more, we don't like people like you! We like arrogant twats who drink too much and grope random people, we like going to a shop and drinking eight cans of Strongbow before we go out to combat the prices in there, we don't like the saturday night DJ (but that's 'cos he tried to mix a drum 'n' bass tune with commercial dance - can't be done!) and most of all we like the Union!

Chopper Lettersdesk says: Aaaah, that's what we needed’ a few joyful explanation marks on this page. I think that’s enough to last the semester out now.

Ta f s Q u i t e More Equal The Others? Enough Dear gair rhydd, Recently the Students Union promised the Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) students their own night in Seren Las. Today we found out that the Union has taken alternative bookings on many of these nights by other organisations, despite our prior booking. The Union has argued that these nights will not make a large enough profit, even though it is estimated that 1 out of every 10 people are lesbian, gay or bisexual. The Union claims to promote the equal rights and opportunities of all it's members, and to respect our right to enjoy a safe working, living and social environment. This entitles the LGB students, as all other students, to have a night in the union where they can be guarunteed to not suffer prejudice, humiliation or derogatory comments.

Instead, the Union has once again put profit before the rights of it's members. The Students With Disabilities Representative will tell you why her British Sign Language group was thrown out of the union, or why the Social Anxiety Support group was also kicked out of the union. This does not promote the rights of students and it does not observe equal opportunities policies.

The Union is meant to be run by students and for students. It is meant to be for us. It is not.

Emma Cooper LGB Society President

Dear gair rhydd, Having read the letters and (more importantly!) the lettersdesk replies, I am disgusted by the fact that you are obviously biased towards the Union. Surely the first priority of any journalist should be to report the truth! I would like to agree with Tuffnell & Warth, and Bland Prefab. However, I know that the Tafarn (to apply its full name) will never return to its former glory, BUT, I would like to point out to the Exec.; it’s their mistake. Last year, at 11 o'clock, the Tafarn would have been absolutely packed. This year so far, I managed to get served within 30 seconds and there was room to stand without getting barged! As far as this paper goes, well great stuff so far, but why is it fortnightly and not weekly as per the last two years?

R Rhys Evans 3rd Year Astrophysics

so therefore they’re as affiliated with the Union as you are, no more no less. And the fact that you can get served practically instantly at the new Taf might not be an argument in favour of it’s popularity...

Staff Stalker Dear gair rhydd, I would like to congratulate the union on their employment of staff this year. I look forward to Monday afternoons and Wednesday mornings religiously as I get to see the beautiful smiling face of one of the employees especially. I see her out all the time but have never spoken to her and am hoping gair rhydd will give me the chance. She is beautiful but unaware of it. My mates agree, and without Becky, the Union would not be the same.

Jake Lettersdesk says: Your hoping gair rhydd can give you the chance? How? Print a double page poster of her? Write a report about your first date? Geez.

Moaning & Cloning Dear gair rhydd, I'm currently a third year out on a work placement but have been lucky enough to read your quality weekly(ish) paper recently and in response to all those moaning about this whole 'pub cloning' issue. Firstly I love proper pubs and more 'trendy' bars equally, and there are still a number of old man style pubs out there around the union (Maccy, Crwys etc) which you can go to. Stop worrying! And secondly, to reassure all freshers, you HAVE got one of the best Unions in the UK on your doorstep, so what if the prices have raised slightly, its still bloody cheap, so shut up and enjoy it!

Go get drunk!

George Ashley, lover of anywhere with a bar

Poetry Corner Dear gair rhydd, You’re always complaining about how people don’t write anything positive and bemoaning the union so I hope you’ll print the following in Letters - I'll be eternally grateful.

It’s sad I know but I had to do it……

P.S. What ever happened to the 80p a pint offer, and what is the point of charging £1 to get into fun factory after 11pm. Perhaps the Union would just like to ban all non-1st year (who know no better) students...

It was that stormy night.

Oh how I regret, Being a klutz and...

Not having the guts, That night when we met.

Trees were battered and bent, To the Woodville I went It was that stormy night.

I saw you sitting there...

Lettersdesk says: The thing is Rhys, every single person who works for gair rhydd is a student, apart from the Editor who is an exstudent, voted in to her position by the students of Cardiff University

Lettersdesk says: And that’s where we’ll stop. There are 35 more lines. Which is what I had to snort to stay awake. HA HA HA HA HA!!! (Pummells head repeatedly against edge of desk).

Please send your letters in to us at gair rhydd, Students’ Union, Park Place, CF10 3QN or preferably e-mail GAIRRHYDDLETTERS@HOTMAIL.COM. gair rhydd will attempt to print any letter sent in, but apologises for those that do not make it in due to space restrictions. The views expressed in these letters are usually not those of the newspaper or the editor.

et TCardiff’s here listings in full

GRiP

02 Still here? Good. The paths that mark the route to the greatness that lurks in Cardiff should be well worn by now. If you’re intent on staying in, there’s always the wonderful new Lemon Jelly LP; who needs the Fast Show Live when you can listen to men rambling over electronica for half the price. If you want to do something more interesting, check the events below.

Celtic Class

Five alternatives to Christmas Shopping MusiCally Challenged Anticon Records Night, Thursday 18th November Clwb Ifor Bach, 8pm, £6

3. Warped Scottish indie returns Dawn of the Replicants, Tuesday 19th November, Cardiff Barfly Once upon time, British guitar music was a very different world.

Teenagers would have favourite bands in each region of the country and would argue endlessly as to which region had produced the finest array of musical finesse. Often the debates would span for days as the participants zealously hunted for elusive seven inch singles to fuel their argument.

Despite the fact that I’d never been there and sometimes forgot that Glasgow was not in fact the capital, Scotland was my rather large region of preference. After

all, it had and still has the Delagados, Mogwai and Arab Strap. For a while, it could also claim Dawn of the Replicants.

There was a catch though. Their singer was English and Super Furry Animals, the band to whom they were most frequently compared to, were Welsh.

That aside, they produced some amazing singles, dressed like a proto sci-fi Clinic and were wonderful. Now they’re here. I’m understandably very happy.

Tickets £5 www.barflyclub.com

4. ’Chicago’ steams into Cardiff

H

ip-hop has rarely been about understanding where, when, how or why.

Whilst everything you hear on the airwaves, can simply be dismissed as being, at best, a diluted form of the ‘real-thing’, the most imaginative acts care little for authenticity or purism.

Instead, Anticon, the independent collective, behind tonight’s occasion,

presents Alias and Themselves. Whilst Themselves specialise in blending trembling drones and a lo-fi aesthetic to their beats and raps, Alias is an imaginative soulful chap who drifts down an avenue that has amusingly been dubbed ‘goth-hop’. Both very much from the underground, very, in a proper sense, progressive and hence undoubtedly worthy of your time.

Apathy just isn’t an option here. If you’ve never even heard of the artists, this your chance. Come on, over a thousand of you paid £15 to see Supergrass play songs you already knew and owned! These acts may never come back, so please accept this very frank call to arms and come along.

Opens Monday 11th November, New Theatre

Tickets £6 www.clwb.net 02920 230199

5. English students in social shocker

2. Leading amateur theatre takes on the plague

Extravagantly priced and without so much of a mention of Marti Pellow, Chicago has set out on a tour across the UK. This tale of glamour and celebrity has netted millions across the world and will continue to do so during its 12 days in Cardiff.

It’s a musical, so splashing out should generate some songs

Bonus points to the Sherman theatre for having a great line-up of events and a top website. accompanies the arrival of the rats in a 14th Their reward? Two events in this Century French town, a wandering monk brings hallowed section.

The caring Get There team hope and strives to entertain.

Although there’s no promise of any songs, it that’s me, myself and I - know from experience that tonight offer could turn out to be a little like that other kid’s classic, The Pied Piper Of Hamelin. As such, it a great chance for at least 250 of would be a great warm-up for the New Theatre you to pretend that a night out is actually a night in. Crazy as it pantomime. Alternatively, it could be a thought may seem, this David Mamet provoking insight into how we confront tragic events. You won’t know unless you go and find out. play is well worth seeing and at least used to feature on the 1st year Literature syllabus.

Tickets £5 Set in a university and indeed Tel. 02920 20646900

Staff list

Tickets £8.50 - £31 Tel 02920 878889

Oleanna, Wednesday 13th November, 1.30pm and 8pm The Sherman Theatre

Red Noses, The Sherman Theatre, 19th Nov - 23rd Nov Medieval reconstructions! The romance for a bygone era that produced for us Cardiff Castle and brought us such delights as A Knight’s Tale, The Name of the Rose and Braveheart. Crucially it also produced the forgotten playground anthem, Ring a Ring a Ring Roses. Broadly speaking, this is the focus of this week’s reach into the ether that is Amateur Drama.

Within the confines of the Sherman Studio Theatre, the Everyman theatre group create a medieval community gripped by the terror of bubonic plague. Amid the maelstrom that

to hum along to until at least Christmas and there’s always the chance for some pre-show photographs as you forget that you’re a student for the night.

Monochrome prints are always an option too if you really want to strike a mood.

staged in a theatre behind this university, Oleanna explores the relationship between a professor and his female student. Both confront the challenge of their relationship in a haunting throwback a to world obsessed by political correctness and propriety.

Whereas audiences were once divided, now perhaps they’re surprised at just how much controversy the play generated. Decide for yourself.

Tickets £5.50

In this issue of GRiP...

GRiP editors: Robin Jackson & Nick McDonald (gairrhyddgrip@hotmail.com) Get there: Neil Krajewski (gairrhyddlistings@hotmail.com) Arts: LaDonna Hall & Mat Croft (gairrhyddarts@hotmail.com) Go nutbag for Music: Andy Parsons & Gemma Jones Timesplitters 2 (gairrhyddmusic@hotmail.com) Books: Jane Eyre & D.C. Gates (gairrhyddbooks@hotmail.com) Film: Neil Blain (grfilmdesk@hotmail.com) Television: Alex Macpherson, Amy Butterworth, Steve Hurst, Feel alright with Nick McDonald (gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com) Supergrass and lend an Games & Web: Chris Pietryka (gairrhyddgames@hotmail.com) ear to Robbie’s newie

05:Games/ Web 06: Music

12: Film

Look to the future with 28 Days Later and follow Morvern Callar’s travels

16: Books

Explore the dark side of Harry Potter, (copycat or capitalist?)

18: Arts

Experiment with Afrodisiac’s and discuss the wonder of love

21: TV

Scrounge through the best and the worst on the box

03

GRiP

Union

Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros + The Basement @ Newport TJs 7.30pm, £12.50 Yes, you read right. The closest we have to The Clash, one of the most inspirational albeit overrated bands in British musical history, is playing in Newport. That such a man should be condemned to a tour that will see him brave a date at Hasting Pier is something of a travesty. Please go and show your support and ensure he does not find himself facing such ignominy again.

Mondays Fun Factory @ Solus 9pm-1am, free.

Fun Factory is a Cardiff institution.

Officially billed as ‘the beginning of the weekend’, it’s a chance for those of you who like alternative music to take over Solus from the Jive regulars. All music types are catered for, from Blink 182 to Blur, makes Fun Factory an essential Monday night venue.

Tuesdays Comedy Club @ Seren Las 8pm, £3.50 Weekly night of much hilarity and wine. Featuring appearances from Francesca Martinez (12th Nov) and Alfie (19th Nov)

Wednesdays Jive Hive @ Solus 9pm-1am, £3.00.

If you are clever enough to get yourself involved with a sports club during your time in Cardiff then Wednesday nights will only mean one thing – Jive Hive. Playing all the greatest hits from the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, karaoke classics and all the cheese you can handle.

This year’s freshers intake might have missed most of the eighties on account of only being at nursery school, but no matter. It’s never too late to learn about the greatest decade that music has yet to offer.

Spandau Ballet! Duran Duran!

Tiffany!

Fridays Lashtastic @ Solus 9pm-1am, £2.50.

“I’d be gutted that I didn’t buy my Lash ticket early,” was the cry in the gair rhydd office last year when we inevitably forgot to get our tickets early enough. Chart hits and popular classics reign supreme in this immensely popular night.

Saturdays

Eighties Night @ Solus 9pm-1am, £2.50.

Come Play @ Solus 9pm - 1am, free

Live Music

what excuse they have for touring, but, in all likelihood, this will be really quite good.

Folk/Acoustic Jam Session @ Clwb Ifor Bach, free The obvious and still the best solution to any problem - if you’re not happy then do it yourself. Sadly I can’t play, but I’d love to see some of you troubadors go and try.

Monday 11/11

Tuesday 12/11 Jack + Joya + Sweet Fonatine @ Barfly 7.30pm, £5adv It’s really them!!! Indie miserablists, Jack - kind of like Tindersticks with even fewer units shifted - play live.

Not sure what they’re promoting or

Wednesday 13/11 Brutal Deluxe + Panel + Johnny Mental @ Barfly 7.30pm, £5 The unique Get There predicting device, available on loan by prior request, suggests touring metal act supported by local support with (little) potential.

Richard Ashcroft @ Bristol Academy 7.30pm, £18.50 Here’s hoping he’ll play History.

Thursday 14/11 Flogging Molly @ Clwb Ifor Bach 8pm, £7 The Telescopes + Starski + Dynamo Dresden @ Barfly 7.30pm, £5 One of the sole survivors of the shoegazing phase that British indie fell into about a decade ago. Oh those were the days - Slowdive, My Bloody Valentine; if only I had grown up in that world. Well, for one night only I can be there. Join me.

Java @ Seren Las 7.30pm, £1 Laid back sounds in Seren Las. Top notch.

Taf Quiz Usual format. Even the BBC’s autumn TV schedule doesn’t beat this!

There aren’t enough pub quizzes around at all anymore. Shame.

Friday 15/11 Jennifers Parents + Draw@ Barfly 7.30pm, £4 DJ Hype @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9pm, £8 Drum’n’bass in the consistently excellent Silent Running style.

Saturday 16/11 Chris De Burgh @ CIA £22.50 My housemates’ wardrobes suggest to me that, unless you’re Welsh, ‘red’ is not an ‘in’ colour anymore. Nevertheless, middle aged men and women will weep as Lady in Red re-emerges from the vaults. Even Chris Rea would have been better than this. Instead, make haste to a top night out with...

Watershed + El Goodo @ Barfly 7.30pm, £4 adv Watershed are slow waltzing indie in the same awesome vein as Elbow and Coldplay. Namedropping aside, they scale the local heights and much else besides.

Top band, so that’s Saturday night sorted for you lucky punters. El Goodo are ok too.

Ladytron + Roger + Error Plains 7.30pm, £8 Wannabe Germans bring their rather dated Kratwerkianisms to Clwb. Chic in a cliched kind of way, but worth attending were it not so overpriced. Once again Error Plains are on, what busy lads.

Digger + No Comply + Flipside + Black Dove @ Barfly 3pm, £5 adv Sunday afternoon shenanigans.

Popular with the kids, arrive early to avoid disappointment.

Skateboards strictly optional.

Showing off outside the Hilton may bring extra credibility with the youth of Gabalfa though.

Monday 18/11 Junior Senior + Play + Sweet Baboo @ Barfly 7.30pm, £4 Themselves + Alias + Recall DJ Set @ Clwb Ifor bach 8pm, £6 See left.

Tuesday 19/11 Dawn of the Replicants + Transposer + The Vision @ Barfly 7.30pm, £5 Awesome. See left.

Wednesday 20/11

Mohair + Losing Son + The Appatus @ Barfly 7.30pm, £4 They’ve supported Garbage, they’re managed by Rod Stewart’s former manger. Raucous rock from Watford. Irresistible

Thursday 21/11

Funeral for a Friend + Jarcrew + Sammo Hung @ Barfly 7.30pm, £3 Fresh from the Pop Factory, punk types Sammo Hung return with their remarkable drummer to prop up another great Thursday night at Clwb. Funeral for a Friend promise fantastic emo, whilst the taut and jagged Jarcrew offer metal with edge and intelligence.

The D4 + Mika Bomb @ Clwb Ifor Bach 8pm, £3 The D4 represent the New Zealand branch of the brigade that spawned The Datsuns and other similarly inspired retro rockers. I’m never really sure whether to believe the hype in these cases. Mika Bomb are Japanese girl punk and represent the first band to play at the first London gig Get There was permitted to attend. I’m keeping secret the identity of the headliners

Johnny Truant + 3 Stages of Pain + Shaped by Fate @ Barfly 7.30pm, £5 adv Are we all truly shaped by fate?

Why do we love the idea that we might be? Some of these questions may be answered in the course of this evening.

Puerto Muerto + David Hum @ Students’ Union, Seren Las 8pm Bizzare state of affairs this. A band who apparently evoke the sound of the Handsome Family and Edith Piaf are set to play in Seren Las. Could turn out to be wonderful, you’ll never know unless you go.

Saturday 23/11 David Gray @ CIA 7.30pm, £20 adv Sold out! Nights like this are meant only for people who don’t smoke but still own cigarette lighters. Hope everyone going enjoys themselves.

The Crimea + The Primms + The Sugarhouse @ Barfly 7.30pm, £5 Gold Chains @ Newport TJs 8pm, £6 Incredible hip-hop kid with a high spec laptop returns to South Wales. Now thankfully signed to Pias, this guy can only get bigger over the coming months. Last seen supporting Kid 606 at Clwb, this is one of the best reasons to visit Newport since it became a city.

Once again - yes you guessed it Ex Tractor are responsible.

Kosheen @ Bristol Academy 7.30pm, £12 Mediocre as ever, I’m sure. Travel at your own risk. About as drum’n’bass, as Nelly is hip-hop.

Go to Bulletproof at Emporium instead.

Sunday 24/11 Adequate 7 + Rydell + Otherwise @ Barfly 3pm, £tbc The prospect of a meeting being called to decide the price suggests the possibility of great things.

Maybe Barfly have realised that kids today will pay more to enjoy their sunday afternoons. Though generally, an all age show is a stormingly good idea.

Jools Holland and his Rhythm and Blues Orchestra @ CIA 7.30pm, £18.50 Choosing a university town can be difficult. Everyone remembers the UCAS book and the websites that kept crashing. Well, rest assured, even if you made the wrong choice, the city you chose is just like every other medium sized town in the UK. It hosts shows by Jools Holland and David Essex. I hope you weren’t expecting better. If you were, just remember, that not every town was lucky enough to get Cliff Richard.

Some people had waiting years for that. Oh, and, there was Bryan Adams twice in six months last year.

Films on release in Cardiff...

Changing Lanes Starring: Ben Affleck, Samuel L. Jackson

An excellent tale of a lawyer’s unfortunate collision with a custody-fighting father, at which point an important file mistakenly changes hands.

Cue a tense story of revenge that spirals out of control.

xXx Starring: Vin Diesel

Action packed if somewhat silly US attempt at the James Bond genre we know and love so much. Expect lots of gadgets and explosions with a voluntarily bald, ridiculously built ‘secret agent’. Oh, and Samuel L Jackson.

Donnie Darko Starring: Patrick Swayze, Drew Barrymore

One of the films of the year! A aircraft engine falls upon an 80s suburban town and the young Donnie’s mind begins to fall apart. Time travel, a huge rabbit and 80s tunes in this bleak, intelligent masterpiece

Red Dragon Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Edward Norton

Hannibal returns in a prequel to The Silence Of The Lambs. ExFBI investigator Will Graham is re-recruited to capture a notorious killer, the Tooth Fairy, by getting inside the mind of this chianti-loving cannibal.

Possession Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Aaron Eckhart

Two academics researching two poets discover they were lovers, and decide to follow suit. Great to look at (landscape and portrait!), and intriguing if a little slow. A romantic and intelligent film.

Get There

The Error Plains + My Computer + Matt Cook @ Barfly 7.30pm, £4 adv The Error Plains have quite a clever name. It follows suit therefore, that their music should involve clever electronics and so it does. My Computer are critically lauded melodic orchestral electronoic types. Matt Cook, meanwhile, extends a warm welcome to all those who have known him past and present.

JJ72 + Melaton @ Great Hall, Students’ Union 7.30pm, £12.50adv Reports suggest this Irish trio’s new album is surprisingly good; five stars in gair rhydd music no less.

Whilst I’m not convinced, those attending get the privilege of seeing the Irish Coldplay in support; close your eyes and you could be in Port Talbot.

Darkane + Descent @ Clwb Ifor Bach 8pm, £5

Sundays

Sunday 17/11

Friday 22/11

Cardiff’s listings in full

Thursdays

One of the UK’s top student night arrives at our very own union featuring funky pop and guest DJs. Double Vodka and Redbull at a mere £2.

Starshaped @ Seren Las 9pm, £2 Indie, rock and generally alternative sound, courtesy of newly crowned gair rhydd legends, Rich and Pete. If the music wasn’t enough, there’s drinks promotions too.

that night only to say Steve Lamacq was there.

04

et TCardiff’s here listings in full

GRiP Clubbing Mondays Rational Thinking @ The End...

8pm-11pm.

Drum’n’Bass Djs are promised in ultra student surroundings.

Cheese on Toast @ Cuba 9pm-2am, Free b4 10pm. Better than Zeus.

Exit Club 8pm, Free entry before 9.30pm.

Gay venue. Chart and Dance.

Original, eh?

Student ‘Night Fever’ @ Flares ‘Til 2am. £1 drinks all night. Suggs hosts edition of crap karaoke quiz show in Cardiff theme pub.

Possibly.

Salsa Classes @ Latino’s Classes from 7.30pm, disco 10pm ‘til midnight. Surprisingly good fun.

All abilities catered for.

Universal @ Liquid 9.30pm-2am. Student night.

Tuesdays Electromagnetic @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9pm-2am. Positive vibe hop-hop / pre-gangster rap / battle breaks / electro funk.

Absolutely splendiferous night, worth two quid of anyone’s money.

Which is just as well, as that’s what it costs to get in!

Definitely Maybe @ Barfly 10.30pm - 2am, free NUS Indie from across the decades. £1 a shot on house spirits, £1 Carlsberg bottles.

Rock Inferno @ Clwb Ifor Bach (Top Floor) 9pm-2am, £2.50. Ifor Bach complies with convention and offers its own prescription of metal for the masses.

Vodka @ Creation Cheap entry and 50 different flavours of Vodka Salsa night @ Cuba 8pm-2am, £4. Salsa classes from 8pm, disco afterwards. Great fun with a really friendly crowd.

Student Night @ Is It? Cafe. Bar. Place.

Open ‘til 1am just like most places.

Alternative Beats @ The End...

8pm-11pm. Another night of total pish at The End, with ‘choons’ from the naffly named DJ Pete the order of the day.

Exit Club 8pm. Free before 9.30pm. Gay Venue. Chart and Dance. Who’d have thought it.

YMCA Night @ Flares 8pm. I dread to think what this might entail.

Take Warning @ Metros 9pm-2am, £2 b4 10.30pm. Ska Punk Night with cheap drinks. It’s sweaty, it’s smelly, it’s dingy and it’s actually great fun!

Latin Dance Party @ The Toucan 8.30pm-2am. Latin music, dancing, party vibe. Obviously.

Alternative @ Sam’s Bar £2 - £5. Live music from local bands plus alternative indie and retro from resident DJ’s.

Wednesdays The Cheesey Club / The Milky Bar / Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach 9.30pm-2am, £2/£2.50 after 11pm.

A veritable melting pot of great music, local rivalries and Welsh music celebrities. Spread out over three floors, it’s technically possible to get through the whole night without seeing a single member of Tommy & the Chauffer, but highly unlikely.

Student Night @ Bar Ice 9pm-2am. Late bar, drinks promotions, painfully average.

DJ Nicodeamus @ Moloko Electro and Funk in plush surroundings.

Cross the Tracks @ Cuba 9pm-2am, free entry. New(ish) night, with the Hustler seal of approval. Soul, funk and Old Skool are the order of the day. Sounds good, and the flyers are ace.

Check it out.

Uni-Sex @ Club X

10pm-2am. Gay Venue. Student Night, worth a mention if only for the highly amusing name.

Toucan Acoustic Sessions @ Toucan Club 8pm-2am, £3. Open mic, hosted by Little Miracle. Entry gets you into the chilled DJ happenings in the downstairs lounge, too. Perfect for a relaxed midweek night out.

The Boogie Box @ Flares Karaoke from the 60s and 70s. The value of the 80s continues to be denied so I recommend a boycott!

Latin Night @ Life Bar Cafe 2-4-1 drinks offers and dancing.

National Student Night @ Evolution 9.30pm-2am. Carlsberg £1, all spirits £1, all other drinks £1.50.

Simple, but no doubt quite effective.

80s Night @ Barfly Barfly parades its late license and introducing a night of tunes to help us forget Thatcher. Maybe they’ll play Hefner’s ‘The Witch is Dead’ just to re-enforce the mood even though it’s not from the 80s. ‘A Town Called Malice’ is more likely though I suspect.

Thursdays Singles Night @ Life Looking for love? Try this. Be sure to come dressed smartly though.

Hard House @ The End...

DJ Jomec does the honours.

Enthusiasm @ Moloko Breaks, hip-hop and drum’n’bass.

From the Hip @ Incognito 8pm-1am. House and Dance.

Is it for Real? @ Is It? Cafe. Bar. Place Open til 1am. Like everyone else Bar Is It offers a night of R’n’B. Only this time you get the company of DJ Tony-C. Britpop Revival Night @ Barfly 10.30pm, free NUS As if Britpop needed reviving with Space on the prowl.

Homegrown @ Toucan 8pm-2am, £3. Beats of a hiphopping and funky nature.

Excellent night.

Spellbound @ Metros 9pm-2am. 2-4-1 cocktails, metal early on, then indie classics. Arrive after 11pm, then, and it should be a right laugh. Hooray!

Dance Night @ Oz Bar 9pm-1am, £1. Dance music.

Soul Power @ Liquid 9.30pm - 2am, £4 R’n’b and soul served up in Liquid’s pale surroundings.

Fridays Sweat Shop @ Clwb Ifor Bach (Ground Floor) 9pm, £3 A loud start to the weekend with a feast of emo, stoner-rock and metal.

Silent Running/Hustler Showcase @ Clwb Ifor Bach (Top two floors) 9pm, £7 The best in drum’n’bass and hiphop.

Robots Eat My Face @ Oz Bar Live Bands and Rock, Alternative Djs. Cadence @ Bar Essential Free Entry. Deep House, Afro Latin and Nu Jazz. Sounds awesome, support it Heaven @ Evolution Commercial dance and house out on the bay.

ROAR @ Vision 2K £10 NUS Hard House night featuring regular guest DJS. Cool House @ Emporium £8 Excellent night that periodically returns to the city.

Saturdays Fever @ Barfly 10.30pm-2am. Indie classics and lager. Expect a lot of contrived ‘dancing’ and that not very funny Limp Bizkit version of Faith. Not at all bad, though.

Deep Heat @ Club X 10pm-4am. £4-£7. Gay venue. 6 rooms, 3 floor balcony, games room & garden terrace. Well worth

a look!

The Betty Ford Guest List @ Metros 9pm-3am, £3 b4 10.30pm. Top alternative night, with tunes courtesy of the great and the good of Cardiff’s indie scene.

More leftfield than other Metros nights, the crowd and the music are slightly older and slightly cooler.

Emerge @ Clwb Ifor Bach 11pm, £3 NUS Indie-electro crossover affair involving the collision of sound and genre alike.

L’America @ Emporium Fortnightly US Garage featuring Steve Sole Middleton on 16th November Twin Scene @ Reds Same as Friday, only more expensive! Hooray!

Sweet’n’Spicy @ Bar Ice 9pm-3am, £3 Worldwide Special @ Liquid £6, Over 21s only, Smart dress If the price, the dress-code or the age restrictions don’t count you out, I’m sure you’ll have a grand evening in the company of club classics and funky house.

Cadence @ Bar Essential Free, see Friday.

Sundays Rational Thinking @ The End 7pm-10.30pm The same as Mondays except with the added promise of Guest DJs.

Attention! If any of you know of any clubs that deserve students’ time, money and effort do let us know. Perhaps your DJ spinning the decks or maybe you just take money on the door. We’d genuinely love to hear from you. Furthermore, I know nothing about the distinction between deep, dark, progressive and hard house, but would be happy to learn. Educate me buy emailing gairrhyddlistings@hotmail.co m. Similarly if there’s event listed here that no longer takes place, please let us know and we’ll replace it with something equally exciting.

Sport In salute of the capital’s recent sporting achievements, gair rhydd introduces Sports Listings. Go on, the rules of Rugby are easy to pick up and no one will notice if you shift allegiance for three years.

Cardiff City Football Club (www.cardiffcityfc.co.uk) Sunday 25th November vs Chesterfield, 3pm All those division two clashes are of vital importance these days. Tickets start at about £12. Support your local side. Hoorah for the now imminent FA Cup

Societies Yoga Society: Membership just £10 a year. Simply come along to classes on Tuesdays, 12-1pm, 1-2pm in the Council Rooms, 4th floor of the Student Union. New clases have just been announced. You can now go along on Thursday 4.30-6pm too. For further enquiries contact Jo at RobinsonJ4@cardiff.ac.uk.

Irish Society: All members are invited to go on a trip Galway. The trip will take place late on Thurs 28th Nov returning on Sun 1st December and costs a mere £45. (Get There says) For those of you who’ve never been, Galway is one of the most wonderful places in Europe: there’s a lot of places to drink, you can stay out really late and the whole affair will be absolutely amazing. I have no affiliation with the Irish society, but henceforth regard them as wonderful people - they have Get There’s eternal respect. If you want more info on the trip then email: cardiffirishsociety@hotmail.com Xpress: Fancy being the voice of Xpress?

Voice of Xpress Radio competition gives you the chance to bring your voice across Cardiff as one of the leading voiceovers of Xpress Radio. We’re looking for a male and female voiceover, both Welsh and English. We’re holding auditions in the Nelson Mandela Council Room, Friday 22 November, 6-7pm. This is a great way of getting into radio and a fab thing to put on your CV. For more information call Reena Gopaul, Head of Audio Production, on 029 20 781 530. Alternatively email audio@xpressradio.co.uk.

Cardiff University Christian Union: The CU are starting a six week discussion group that will focus on the identity of Jesus. All students interested in discovering more about Jesus are invited to the meetings, which will be an open discussion with a brief talk and a free meal.

The course begins on Tuesday, 5 November (obviously reading this the first meeting will have been and gone. I assume you can join a week late...) in room 0.27 of the Law Bulding. All meetings are open to Christians and non-Christians alike.

Calling all societies! Want your event listed in these hallowed pages? E-mail us at gairrhyddlistings@hotmail.com with details of your event and we’ll put you in touch with the student masses. Don’t hang around before letting us know either. Often you’ll need to give us about two weeks notice to ensure that you feature in the paper. So get moving.

Cardiff Rugby (www.cardiffrfc.com) No Fixtures.

Internationals (www.cardiffstadium.com) Saturday 16th November Wales vs Canada For once, a rugby contest that Wales will almost certainly win.

Saturday 23rd November Wales vs New Zealand The Rugby Union encounter that everyone’s been waiting for and some people have been saving for.

Network Q RAC Rally Taking place near the bay from the 16th November. Well, that’s it. I’ve been sold. Lordy lord, how much fun can you have in a car? Is that worthy of a ‘television pages’ special, ffnar?

Miscellaneous Poetry Reading - featuring Jo Mazelis and David Greenslade.

Tuesday 12 November at Llanover Hall Arts Centre, Canton.

7pm, £1 for students.

Shout Volunteers - Can you help out with: Demonstrations?

Supporting campaigns?

Creating awareness of many issues?

The SOUL campaign?

Working in Welfare section?

THE UNION NEEDS YOU! Volunteers get to be part of a thriving community and may even be paid.

Interested? Email: BEBINGTONE@CF.AC.UK or ring 02920 781428

gair rhydd’s TOP 100 Great Britons: 1. Terry Major-Ball 2. Roy Strong 3. Brian Sewell 4. Brian Blessed 5. Michael Winner 6. Tony Hart (Token Gay) 7. Tony Booth 8. Frank Bough 9. Chas 10. Dave 11. Eve Pollard 12. Her sister, Su 13. Ross King 14. Robin Asquith 15. Bernard Matthews 16. Kriss Akabusi 17. Cheryl Baker 18. Terry Nutkins 19. Norman Tebbitt 20. Andrew Neil 21. Lynda Lee Potter 22. Louise Wener 23. Richard Parfitt 24. Richard Fairbrass 25. Mike Reed (Not that one) 26. Darren Day 27. Roger de Courcey 28. Nookie Bear 29. Rod Hull 30. Leslie Grantham 31. Joe Pasquale 32. David Dickinson 33. Ian McShane 34. Bruno Brookes 35. Michael Ball 36. Ben Elton 37. Rory McGrath 38. Jim Davidson 39. Blaster Bates 40. Bernie Clifton 41. Dennis Waterman 42. Janet Street-Porter 43. Jeffrey Berhnard 44. Joe Longthorne 45. Jonathan Edwards 46. Ed Tudor Pole 47. Anabelle Croft 48. Harry Secombe 49. Diane Louise Jordan 50. Claire Raynor 51. Raj Persaud 52. Dr Hilary Jones 53. Pam Ayres 54. The Grumbleweeds 55. The Great Soprendo 56. Debbie McGee 57. Edwina Currie 58. Humphrey Littleton 59. Desmond Carrington 60. Ian Botham 61. Stuart Hall (Not that one) 62. Brian Johnson 63. Eric Bristow 64. Spuggie 65. Jeremy Irons 66. Tony Robinson 67. Phil Collins 68. Stephen Berkoff 69. Jimmy Saville 70. Linda Lusardi 71. Lord Bath 72. James Hewitt 73. Keith Allen 74. Steve Redgrave 75. Andy McNab 76. Diana, Princess of Wales 77. Clive Sinclair 78. Windsor Davies 79. Sylvester McCoy 80. Rusty Lee 81. Brian Molko 82. Jeremy Bates 83. Tim Henman 84. Barbara Cartland 85. Alan Clark 86. Will Carling 87. James Gooding 88. Stephen Norris 89. Meg Matthews 90. Sean Pertwee 91. Arnold Ridley 92. David Emanuel 93. Matthew Wright 94. Dominik Diamond 95. Garry Bushell 96. Russell Grant 97. Nigel Dempster 98. Dominic Mohan 99. Nick Moran 100. Simon Weston

05

GRiP

The best game of all time?

TIMESPLITTERS 2 [PS2 STUDENT NETWORK] [X-BOX] EIDOS INTERACTIVE THE DEAD have risen and are plaguing the earth. Can anyone stop them? Well, quite frankly, yes. That’s where you come in. You don’t get the use of a German violation of a beautiful English tradition (new Mini my arse) but you do get a great array of weapons.

Oh and a monkey.

Timesplitters 2 is the most anticipated game on the Playstation 2 since Metal Gear Solid 2 (has the whole world gone sequel mad?) and they have made us wait for it.

Has it been worth the wait?

Again yes, yes! Oh hell yes.

Anyone who has played the

original Timesplitters’ when it came out on the PS2, can’t fail to have been astounded by its obvious quality and superiority to anything else on the market at the time. Now here we are; older wiser and demanding more from our games and TS2 has delivered.

TS2 takes the familiar format of the First Person Shooter covering a range of locations and times of history.

The levels are no longer the killing sprees the used to be.

Now they have learned from Hitman and the levels have multiple objectives and allow a

certain amount of creativity in their completion.

The Story mode is deep and enveloping, but is still only part of the TS2 experience. The true beauty of the game is the multiplayer mode. It’s so good you need to put a plastic sheet down for when (not if) you lose control of your bodily functions. (Oh dear me. Sometimes Games makes me want to cry-Ed) The maps are huge and you can have up to 16, yes 16, players using the I-link.

Along with these modes are various mini games involving timed challenges and the gun slinging monkey. Even if you get bored of this you can design your own deathmatches and even your own levels with your own

objectives and everything.

The graphics are a beauty to behold and run slickly even when all hell is breaking loose. The controls are classic and easy to master and the game’s missions are massive.

This is truly the best game

NOT MUCH HACK! UPLINK. [PC-CDROM] INTROVERSION SOFTWARE though!

Instead I’m a secret agent who works on computers.

That’s right, I’m a computer hacker. They prefer to say I’m a secret agent into high-tech computer crime and industrial espionage.

It is different: I’ve not played anything like this before and maybe that’s why I didn’t get along with it. You start off doing a tutorial which teaches you the basics. You do a practice mission, then there is a list of missions that you can undertake such as deleting files, copying files etc. These are the easy ones to get you started and then you move on to the better paid harder jobs such as giving clients degree’s by hacking university files, interfering with bank balances and so on and so forth. In my experience with this game which isn’t extensive, as I just got far too bored. The missions don’t get much more

This week’s charts Playstation 2 1: Timesplitters 2 Best game ever!

2: Hitman 2: Silent Assassin Get paid to kill.

3: Burnout 2 See above.

4: Onimusha 2 Japanese war epic 5: This Is Football 2003 Best football ever?

6: Blade 2 Vampires everywhere.

7: Stuntman drive, crash,get paid!

8: Mat Hoffman BMX 2 Best BMX game out.

9: Medal of Honour Gritty war drama.

10:Grand Theft Auto 3 A classic.

X-Box 1: Timesplitters 2 Even better than Halo.

2: Hitman 2 same as the PS2.

3: Quantum Redshift Spacey thing.

4: Halo Best shooter? Try TS2 5: Conflict Desert Storm What are you saying.

6: Blade 2 Aren’t you dead yet?

7: WWE Raw Wrestling fun.

8: Rocky Adrieeeeeeeennnn!

9: Silent Hill Cool survival horror!

10:The Thing What thing?

PC-CD ROM 1: The Sims Unleashed Flog a dead Horse?

2: Unreal Tournament 2003 Multiplayer carnage.

3: Hitman 2 Very popular.

4: The Sims Delux Maybe?

5: Rollercoaster 2 Build Disneyland.

6: Club Manager 2003 Football manager sim 7: Battlefield 1942 More WW2 action.

8: The Sims Holiday More add-ons!

9: Medieval total war What is says on tin.

10:Stronghold Crusade Medieval action.

Game Cube 1: Super Mario Sunshine Instant classic.

2: Wrestlemania X8 Smackdowns better.

3: Resident Evil The daddy of horror!

4: Turok Dinosaurs!

5: Super Smash Brothers Essential for the cube 6: Super Monkey Ball This is sooo cool!

7: Spike Beach Beach Volleyball!

8: Madden NFL 2003 Excellent sports sim.

9: Luigis Mansion Marios the best bro.

10:Rogue Squadron Best cube game yet!

interesting, you just have to do them quicker because the computers you are hacking get to trace you quicker and quicker. To combat this you have to buy better software, higher performance hardware and more bandwidth. That basically sums the game up.

You continue doing these missions until you become the top-rated hacker.

I’m sure that some people will like this game. It’s not hard to get to grips with, it passes the time, runs on any MS operating system of the last seven years and it’ll run on any processor brought out in the last six years!

The designer of the game said that he didn’t like all the fancy graphics and the big sounds of the performance hungry mainstream publishers.

To be honest the game looks and sounds like a chimp’s arse. It’s bland and boring and all it relies on is its game play, which for most is going to be boring.

You can buy Hitman 2 for a fiver more so don’t waste your dosh on this one. Phill Ettle

Coming soon..

TIMESPLITTERS FINALLY made it and it was well worth the wait. Coming next issue will be Sega Soccer Slam and Mario Sunshine on Game cube and Legion on PS2.

Along with more news on the X-BOX and we will find some web stuff for your amusement.

If you have anything to say on the games and web front or want to have your say about a game you have played then drop us a line at gairrhyddgames@hotmail.com.

Please come and write for this section, as limited writers mean limited views, and we wouldn’t want that now, would we?

This week’s chart was supplied by our good friends at Game on Queen Street.

Games/web

national finals in London up for grabs.

The game to be played is Quantum Redshift. A futuristic floating racing game exclusive to the X-BOX (which happened to bear a slight similarity to Wipeout on PS2).

Get your gaming gloves on and practice. Then get down to The Woody on December 3 and show your stuff.

THIS RELEASE, from the little known label Introversion Software, has an ethos that most of us would hold in the highest regard. But at the end of the day, a good ethos doesn’t make a good computer game!

Apparently this guy was working for a major independent games developer and he was bemused at the shallowness of the market; in their fascination with graphics and sound. So he developed a pet project that he had been working on since his sixth form days, in order to show the big boys how it should be done.

So here is his pet - Uplink.

Basically the idea of the game is that you are a secret agent working for a company called Uplink. I read this and thought it sounded great,and something along the lines of James Bond on the PS2 or maybe something like Hitman 2. It didn’t really happen

You can try out Timesplitters 2 on the PS2 network in Solus now.

reviews

THE PEOPLE at Microsoft have had a brainwave and have come up with the idea of giving away XBOXes to students. Then they thought that was not enough and decided to have a competition to find the best student gamer in the country and give them a cool £10,000 for their trouble.

They are holding a number of regional competitions and Cardiff gets its chance on December 3. The evening will be held in The Woodville pub with the chance to win XBOXes and a place in the

ever and sets a new benchmark in the PS2 world.

You simply have got to buy this game. Chris Pietryka

06

usicsingles

GRiP LAST DAYS OF APRIL All Will Break Bad Taste One of the stand out cuts from this year’s Ascend To The Stars album, this song is a beautiful, dreamy slice of poppy emo. The twinkly verses combine perfectly with Karl Larsson’s melancholic voice, to create a song that manages to sound both deep and fragile at the same time and that cannot fail to move you. Owain Cooke

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THE RAIN BAND The World Is Ours Fierce Panda Right lads, I’m not sure about the name but well let’s hear what you got.

It says here you’re from Manchester?

Right and you have done a few appearances at ‘In the City Unsigned’ and the like. Fierce Panda, that’s your regular label yes? No, you just decided to whack one out before the major label deal kicks in. Well, that’s fair enough -good indie label for good indie music.

I must say lads, I like what you’re doing here, nice large guitars, dirty bass and I really like the whole infused electro melody theme that’s running throughout the song. It feels sleazy and that can’t be bad. The lyrics? Well I get Last days of April: Moving

the New Order vibe; they are all a bit forlorn, it’s a good thing the bouncy beats make up for the sadness of your words. I even like the flipside, which, hats off to you, most bands fuck up on their first release. It’s in a similar vain and bodes well for your album.

I think you have pulled it off. Yeah go on then, I’ll put you in the juke box. Richard Samuels

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SHY FX AND T-POWER Don’t Wanna Know FFRR It’s unbelievable that two renowned artists can collaborate only to produce a hash-up of trebly beats, that literally sounds like they have been thrown together in a couple of hours. It has the overall catchy and upbeat feel of usual Shy Fx tunes, yet it is pushed into undeniably painful cheesiness by its’ relentlessly mundane and repetitive beats. Skibadee’s Mcing… sorry, drivel is positively shit, and the track is thrown in to a laughable state of irrepair when he comes in with full force. For some reason I know this release will not have the same widespread acclaim as previous notorious singles, such as Original Nutter and Shake It. If it is remembered, it won’t be a good thing. Honestly, I can’t believe they are releasing this… DO NOT hold your breath. Liz Moreton ZERO STARS

HEADTEST Seen My Air/Friendly Bombs Boobytrap AFTER DISHING out debuts to the likes of Sammo Hung, Watershed and The Vanities this year already, Boobytrap gives Newport’s Headtest a turn. And they do well with it, the Tetra-Splendoury prog atmospherics are accomplished but soft-hitting on Seen My Air, but the surging rush of Friendly Bombs saves the latest Booby release and ensures that Headtest

make a promising start to their recorded career.

Jamie Fullerton

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SUGABABES Stronger/Angels With Dirty Faces Island records

FOLLOWING TWO incredibly strong tracks, this double-a side has a lot to live up to. Both Stronger and Angels With Dirty Faces are slower, more intense songs, that are easy to listen to. They allow the girls to really show off their powerful voices and prove that they can do a range of music and not just reproduce covers. Spice girls with attitude. Kate Shaw

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FISCHERSPOONER The 15th Ministry of Sound HAVING BEEN signed by The Ministry of Sound in March for a reported £2million pounds, there is a fair amount of hype surrounding Fischerspooner. The question is, do they live up to it? Like their last single, Emerge, this is a catchy enough tune, coming straight out of the Eighties with swirling vocals and a full on backing of synths.

Unfortunately, it does end up sounding similar to many other electro bands of the Eighties, the Pet Shop Boys spring straight to mind, and it could leave the Ministry out of pocket.

Dave Marcus

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CORRIGAN We’re the Wire Bright Star This is the Northern Irish band’s second single off their forthcoming album How To Hang Off a Rope and is definitely their strongest release to date. Drawing influences from bands as diverse as Jesus Lizard, Shellac and Therapy?, Corrigan demonstrate

how a rock song should be written; a no frills, gimmick free song containing a great catchy guitar riff.

This is complemented by Martin Corrigan’s dark lyrical wit and although the rhythm section is at times a bit sloppy, this release showcases the great potential this band has.

Chris Martin

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LIARS Fins To Make Us More Fish-Like Mute THEY ESCHEW the definite article in their name, which is a good sign: its presence immediately confers suspicion on any post-Strokes, postStripes garage-punk outfit. Especially if they’re from New York, as Liars are. It’s hard to see how they could have been fitted into that movement in any case: their sound is at once rawer and more experimental. “Dance like a girl! Be like a boy!“ exhorts Every Day Is A Child With Teeth, mantra-style, over staccato bursts of lo-fi sound. See it as a challenge, kids. Alex Macpherson

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COLDPLAY The Scientist Parlophone Well if it isn’t the band whose frontman stole my name! (erm, Coldplay’s Chris Martin is actually much older than you-music ed) I wouldn’t mind so much but for my name to be labelled with a bland, mediocre, depressing bunch of sods like these just gets me ever so slightly annoyed. Anyhow, personal differences aside, this is a standard Coldplay track with the customary epic piano playing all the way through. Fans of Coldplay will love it and those who don’t like Coldplay, like me – the genuine Chris Martin, will have to grin and bear it, as this song will no doubt be played to death on radio and MTV. Chris Martin (not the miserable piano playing bloke)

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A

fter taking a three year break from the music business.

SPACE return minus a member and a Greatest Hits album to tour. Dave Gibson caught up with them at their recent Barfly leg of the tour to find out what the future now holds for the cheeky Scousers...

can the Edwyn Collins-produced album due to ‘political’ differences, they returned to careerlauncher and Spiders producer, Stephen Lironi.

Perhaps, finally, the circle is complete. ‘When we started, we had a vision that we’d be more like a cultband and it never quite turned out that way’ reflects Yorkie. ‘It was my fault’ confesses Tommy. ‘We’re glad in a way but it was a curse having hits; we weren’t meant to be that type of band. We always said we were supposed to be like Suicide or Pere Ubu.’ Surprising this may seem, until the subject matter of the new album is examined. Musically, the alleged novelty-pop of Space’s former glories may be Six years down the line, it’s clear not everything has a world apart from such acts but gone are the days of gone to plan for the boys. Through Top Ten singles, Begin Again and here are odes to suicide and pop-star collaborations and guest producers, some updates of Mr Psycho and Neighbourhood for the apologies seem to be in order. Never being afraid to post-Britpop generations. go against ‘It’s darker than convention, could Tin Planet,’ admits Space really regret ‘We made a vow that we would never sell each Tommy. ‘It’s more the commercial other out, a lie-detector wouldn’t make me doubt about suburbia. We success of Spiders you’ -You and Me Versus the World do live in suburbia and Tin Planet? but, ‘cause we’re from Speaking on their new album Suburban Rock & Roll, council-estates, it’s like a whole different place. The singer Tommy Scott and bass-player Dave Palmer people living in suburbia are bad, they hate everyone (aka Yorkie) certainly relish their unaccounted post- and they hate me for living there. They’ve had to work millennial absence. ‘It just took us three years to get their bollocks off to get where they are and they don’t it right’ explains Tommy. ‘We’ve had three different like the idea of musicians or even drug-dealers versions of the album and we’re only finally happy moving in. Gangsters living there next door to with it now. It wasn’t right before, we fell out with our doctors, lawyers, musicians .... The area I live is a record company.’ ‘It’s more back to what we originally nice area, y’know, but ...’ ‘It throws up it’s own dark intended’ agrees Yorkie, ‘It’s more like Spiders, if set of rules’ finishes Yorkie, ‘It’s like that David Lynch anything. It was just part of the fallout with Gut, they thing. Y’know, you drive down any road and think wanted us to be something that we hated the idea of. what’s really going on behind the curtains. It all looks It was like coffee-table music.’ uniform and nice but there’s some pretty dark things going on.’

‘They wanted us to be more commercial and like And so here are Space, unhappy with their popThe Beautiful South. We just weren’t into that.’ After a labelling and ready to change all conceptions you year long battle to leave Gut Records, the departure may have had. The three-year break may yet prove of founder-member, Jamie Murphy, and a decision to crippling but why write them off at the most unified

and rejuvenated part of their career?

‘Always,’ says Yorkie cautiously, ‘if you’re under a time-constraint, you do things that in hindsight you think, “Oh, I wish we’d done all that all different” or “That wouldn’t have been on it”. I think they call them album-fillers. We always wanted to make an LP that could have singles on but still stands in its own right, like Doors’ LPs or Velvet Underground. I think this one just hangs together.’

‘This,’ agrees Tommy, defiantly, ‘is the first proper Space album.’

07

GRiP

Single of the Fortnight SECRET ARMY Murphy’s Going Busking Nice Records AS THE world goes to war , it’s a happy day that a Secret Army record arrives in Musicdesk’s post-box.

It’s a tongue in cheek true story about a busker who drinks because he's anxious and gets anxious when he drinks. (Listen for the coins being dropped into the busker's hat on the harmonica solo).

With Howard Mark’s relative, Stag Marks, on bass and vocals and his two mates on Guitar and drums the set-up seems simple enough.

But hark! The output is extraordinary: the lyrics are catchier than the South Glamorgan pest control unit and the fret-work is faster than a cycle-courier on speed. Andrew Davidson

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After the success of her collaboration with Eve comes yet another excuse for Alicia Keys to flaunt her vocal skills.

Her voice is truly amazing but this song does come as a bit of a disappointment. There isn’t really much to the song and it doesn’t show what her voice is truly capable of.

Kate Shaw

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BRITISH SEA POWER Childhood Memories Rough Trade

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WELSH NU-METALLERS, The Kennedy Soundtrack describe themselves as sounding like Rage Against The Machine or Faith No More, but I’m afraid we’re definitely in Linkin’ Park territory here.

Bloodshot Eyes has everything your average 12 year-old, black hoodie-andchains wearing wannabe would want: quasi-funk rap/rock verses, and a singalong chorus that would make Robbie Williams green with envy. I don’t like nu-metal, and as such it is against my moral principles to give good reviews

GLASSJAW Cosmopolitan Bloodloss Warner

The third single from A’s poptastic comeback album, Hi-Fi Serious, and probably best, is about “falling in love and feeling like the luckiest bloke on earth” and has a suitably feel-good sing along chorus of the type A specialise in. The song’s spectacularly epic middle eight proves the band are some of the greatest songwriters in British rock today and deserve the success they have finally been getting. Bonus marks for including a Dave Lee Roth cover as one of the b-sides.

Owain Cooke

A rather uninspired verse is greatly improved by an impassioned chorus that’s instantly likeable, and after a few plays, addictively singable.

The overall frantic melee to the music is exceptionally well crafted theough distorted guitars, use of feedback, and powerful drumming.

There is a definite similarity between these and their current touring buddies, Lost Prophet. However, there is a slightly more intense, hardcore, raw feel to their music which distinguishes them, and certainly bodes well for the future. Paul Brown

Secret Army:Badly drawn boys

to bands who play in that particular style…However, if I was to say that I wouldn’t buy the CD, but since I have a free copy courtesy of gair rhydd, then I will play it from time to time… You get the idea.

Jeremy Townsend

pleasurable after each listen, unfortunately it becomes instead more of a disappointment.

Previously unblemished in the single stakes, this time the band appear to be running tired.

Gemma Curtis

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SLAM FEAT. DOT ALLISON Visions (Remixes) Soma

PAUL MASTERSON PRESENTS SUSHI The Earthshaker NuLife

Taken from last year’s acclaimed album Alien Radio, this release coincides with Alien Radio Remixed, featuring a very respectable selection of producers. This is followed here, by seven reworkings of collaborations with sultry singer Dot Allison, featuring electro restyling from Two Lone Swordsmen, contrasted with Ewan Pearson’s smoother housefriendly approach.

Kathryn Archer

With such a grand name, it’s difficult not to be disappointed by what turns out to be dance music just too club-friendly to thrill.

At times this song begins to step a bit too closely on the heels of It Began In Afrika, whilst lacking any of its mentor’s experimentalism. To find an ‘original mix’ serenading as a b-side only leaves more disappointment when it becomes clear that it’s merely an eight-minute extension of the song with a thirty-second xylophone intermission. Original indeed.

Dave Gibson

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DE NUIT All That Mattered Credence An Italian production of pleasant US-type house, this is reminiscent of Sanchez’s Another Chance, with its disco hook and formulaic house vocal. A promising production, but unfortunately doesn’t build to anything, it just falls short a being a step further than just nice. Kathryn Archer

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ATHLETE Beautiful Parlophone Athlete's third single is somewhat lacklustre in comparison to the splendid summery shimmer that enigmatically consumed their previous efforts. Still worthy of the airplay that Radio 1 seems fit to give it though, as Beautiful fills the easy, unchallenging listening role well, whilst only just exceeding the general standard of such.

Rather than increasingly

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MUDERDOLLS Dead in Hollywood Roadrunner Slipknot’s Joey Jordison’s side-project, the Murderdolls, release their first single from their Beyond the Valley of the Murderdolls debut album.

Sounding (and looking) like a mixture of Marilyn Manson meets cock-rock, the Murderdolls’ blend of pomposity and tongue in cheek humour works particularly well for them in this single. Sadly now missing guitarist Tripp Eisen, who has decided to commit to Static-X full time. Hopefully his permanent replacement, Acey Slade, will camply rock-it as largely as his pretty predecessor, and the Murderdolls will carry on with their wild antics as the ‘dolls massive continues to grow.

Gemma Jones

✰✰✰ MEDIUM 21 Acting like a mirror Temptation Medium 21 have an 80’s classic rock feel to them, emphasised by the lsinger’s gruff, untrained singing style.

The music is energetic, employing foot-tapping friendly rhythms, with the occasional period of soft, emotion filled melody. The main problem for them is whether people want to return to this raw sounding retro-rock. But for anyone who has an affinity with the style, it’s definitely worth a listen.

Paul Brown

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PSYCHID Fat Lip EP db Records Psychid are a four-piece from Oxford who sound a bit like Radiohead, who are from Oxford. Neat, eh? As it goes,

THE FANTASTIC SUPER FOOFS Devan Endo Floating toast/Fuzzbox Despite the unashamedly shite moniker, Cardiff’s Fantastic Super Foofs make quite a hefty racket, all in the name of this shouty garage rock malarkey. The vocals recall what could only be described as a hyperventilating Frank Black.

Allied to a drum/bass skirmish, which gradually builds into tidal waves of chugging guitar crunch.

Unfortunately the b-sides aren’t up to much. But if you’re sick of the current brand of MC5/Stooges inspired bands then The Fantastic Super Foofs may just be the relief you’ve been craving.

Anita Bhagwandas

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LONGVIEW When you sleep Eastwest After debuting on London’s XFM unsigned bands show, Manchester based Longview picked themselves up a record deal and this track again shows the gorgeousness that was found in the EP, Further.

Combining beautiful Elbowesque vocals that whisper in and out of one another, dreamy yet driven guitars, reminiscent of the better Haven songs, and lyrics that yearn and ache for a girlfriend with the best of them, such as: “You don’t know wht you do to me”, Longview are heading towards being part of the dwindling list of British bands who can produce atmospheric, cherishable, guitar-driven gems without sounding like they wish they were Coldplay.

Utterly gorgeous.

Liam Nicholls

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DANKO JONES Lovercall Bad Taste “I might not know how to look a girl in the eye/ I might not have the right pick-up lines/ but I’ll tell you what I got…”. He’s got the Lovercall man, a prime, bloody raw slab of gazelle flesh cut from his rock-tastic Born A Lion album, which single handedly proves that dirty rifffuelled blues-rock is a sound so cool you’d strap it to the side of your face if you got punched in the eye.

Bet you wish you’d heard of him now, eh?

Jamie Fullerton

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Music

THE KENNEDY SOUNDTRACK Bloodshot Eyes Instant Karma

A Something’s Going On London/Warner

singles

Why is this song called Childhood Memories? At no point is there any hint of reminiscing in the lyrics, which are, incidentally, as weird as a beard, mimicking the perversity of the Flaming Lips: “God help us if the radiation leaks/God help us if nobody knows for weeks”. However, British Sea Power don’t seem willing to match their eccentric verbosity with an equal level of melodic quirkiness.

Only the slightest Oriental flavour differentiates BSP from other up and coming British bands. Rob Telford

PICK OF THE REST

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For your ears only ALICIA KEYS Girlfriend J Records

this is not too bad in the acoustic guitar, driven with swirly electric guitar and high pitch vocals vein; like some less demented cousin of No Suprises. Ultimately though, it’s hard to see the point of another band who sound a bit like Radiohead when even Radiohead can’t be bothered with it anymore. Pleasant but pointless. Jon Griffiths

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usiclive

Photo: Rob J

GRiP

Supergrass: Gaz has a golden moment

BRAVE CAPTAIN / EL GOODO / THE KEYS The Point The Keys kick off tonight’s star studded event (well, about as star studded as you get if you live in Cardiff, have silly hair and go to the Barfly on a regular basis) with a nice dose of melodic, frazzled pop.

Although their pleasant west coast tinged melodies may not strike us immediately, The Keys could well unlock some hearts given time.

The venue, a converted church with an atmosphere of coziness and warmth, is a unique place to see a band but a bit of a curse when El Goodo’s plodding and largely unoriginal indie tunage leaves much of the audience wanting a nice nap. The set does have its moments though, with the Grandaddy style sonic harmonies of Honey ringing out beautifully over the assembled masses and almost allowing them to believe that sporting combat gear and a cowboy hat at the same time is a forgivable fashion error. Almost.

Brave Captain races through his alarmingly short set like an overexcited child at Christmas who’s just received loads of toys that make funny techno bleeping noises. We’re treated to mainly brand new tracks, ranging from the majestic swirling gorgeousness of Mobilise to the crazy drum and bass onslaught that is Dive. No material is aired tonight from the first two Brave Captain albums or from Carr’s previous incarnation as the disheveled pop genius behind the Boo Radleys.

Whether or not this suggests a man who is somewhat ill at ease with his past doesn’t really matter when the gig is already such a brilliantly shambolic mish mash of diverging musical styles, political ideas and electronic jiggery pokery.

Tonight, Carr seems like a man bursting with a ridiculous number of ideas, who is still in the process of finding his own voice and musical footing. But as he grins his way through euphoric closing number Better Living Through Reckless Experimentation it’s clear that he’s having darned great time doing it. ‘We know who we are/it’s only the start’.

Quite. Maria Thomas

KATHRYN WILLIAMS Coal Exchange Kathryn Williams gigs tend to have an immensely therapeutic effect.

Outside, the nine-month Welsh rainy season has begun with a vengeance; inside, though, Williams soothes and entrances over the course of a bewitching seventy minutes with music which wraps itself around your heart like a comfort blanket. It’s unbearably tender and infinitely spare - Williams plays with a full band, but all instruments present are foils to her simple, understated voice, capable of

Supergrass/The Libertines The Great Hall There comes a point in the life of all great bands where the vibrancy which kick-started their ascent to the top begins to wane and the fresher bands in support begin shining above their patrons. Tonight, this is a risk Supergrass have perhaps unwisely taken. Disastrous live shows aside, post-modern punks The Libertines could never be accused of mediocrity and play with all the passion which has recently resurfaced in the contemporary rock-scene. Should someday East London’s finest find it in themselves to learn both their instruments and their songs, The Libertines’ powerful assortment of Jam-esque tunes could turn them into an unstoppable live act. In the meantime, the pantomime theatrics of Britain’s allegedly most hedonistic band remains perhaps more of an acquired taste.

Supergrass, however, complemented perfectly by their choice of support, manage to win this bout. The band’s consistency throughout the years to supply us with anthemic singles while maintaining a definitive sound and avoiding tedium is comparative with few bands of the past two decades and, while the signs of time have begun to age Supergrass in many respects, tonight is both a nostalgia trip and proof that sometimes the heroes don’t let you down. Despite a heavy opener of six new album tracks alienating the audience for much of the first hour, a magnificent greatest hits set makes good and, closer, Caught By The Fuzz sounds as relevant today as it did eight years ago. Dave Gibson

FEELIN’ ALRIGHT catching every emotional nuance in her words whilst retaining a quiet dignity.

This isn’t to characterise her music as safe, though. There’s an oftoverlooked edge to Williams’ lyrics which remains dark and disturbing, no matter how gently she sings: Wolf, for example, and Lucy’s Park (introduced with the words “this one’s about stalking”). Meanwhile, her alt.country reworking of the Velvet Underground’s What Goes On is just extremely strange. The comfort isn’t in the music per se, but more that a songwriter like Williams, at once sensitive and bold, exists.

Magnificent tunes, too. Joni Mitchell once remarked of ‘90s singersongwriters that “they may be called the new Joni Mitchells, but when it comes to knowing where to put the chords, none of them even touch me”.

Even the notoriously egoistic Mitchell couldn’t fault Williams on that front, though: her chord progressions leap and sparkle and land with an exquisite grace. It’s something which permeates every corner of her music, and which makes her one of the most affecting performers in the country. Truly a talent to treasure. Alex Macpherson

BLAK TWANG Clwb Ifor Bach With the beginnings of hip hop firmly rooted in American soil, South Londoners Blak Twang would have their work cut out for them had they not been producing some of the rawest cuts since 1995 and guest appeared next to such greats as the Wu Tang Clan and Roots Manuva.

Despite a less than flattering turnout, front man Tony Rotton presented the brilliance of their latest release Kik Off with the same nonchalant Jamaican vibe to flow through their sound and the perseverance a British rap act need to be heard in the UK. The MOBO worthy Dettwork South East and Real Estate were paid a long overdue visit before Twang dropped Camron s Oh Boy into the already explosive So Rotton ; wrapping up with the lyrically addictive Trixtar as an encore.

It is certainly not through any lack of effort nor talent that Blak Twang are not the huge commercial success they deserve to be, if not in their homeland at least where hip hop is better received. Perhaps the sheer originality of their ability to twist out killer rhymes saturated in British culture are a frustration to American listeners who fail to immediately decode lyrics so deeply personal to another country.

Considered in the context of their greatest influence, London, if hip hop relied entirely on tourist attractions whom the likes of Ja Rule have become to the industry, it would be somewhat less of a great city. After all, some of the most intriguing streets of

London are those a little more hidden on the map. Melanie Roberts

THE WILDHEARTS / SUGARCOMA Cardiff Coal Exchange There are some people who are just destined for greatness, and despite the fighting, the drinking and the drug abuse, The Wildhearts are just such people. Kings of the British rock scene throughout the nineties, they ruled the roost with a fine blend of rock ‘n’ roll anarchy, crisp harmonies and crushing riffs, until inevitably reaching selfdestruction point. Now, with past problems seemingly behind them, The Wildhearts are back, and as they sit at number 26 in the U.K. singles chart (the only independent release in the top 40), they’re seemingly as potent as ever.

It’s a crying shame that tonight’s support, shouty female munchkins Sugacoma, don’t show any potential to become future rulers of the British metal scene. In fact, it’s almost a mystery what they are doing here at all. Growling through a tepid set, they come over more like a school band playing in the village hall than the next big thing. A grim, token cover of Britney’s Crazy just about wraps things up, and it’s not a moment too soon.

While Sugacoma breed apathy, The Wildhearts are greeted like long lost heroes. Ginger and his motley crew make their triumphant entrance to battle hymns on the PA, and as the first notes of I Wanna Go Where The People Go sound out, the madness begins. Tonight’s set is a real mixed bag, old, new, B-sides, classics such as Sick Of Drugs and Caffeine Bomb, complete with spot on vocal harmonies and violently distorted guitars, inspiring mayhem in the adoring fans, with new material proving just as effective.

It’s as the first crunching chords of current single Vanilla Radio come in, that the gremlins strike and the stage loses power, but where-as some bands would have simply walked, consummate entertainers that they are, the band get a sing along going whilst the problems are dealt with.

They may be slightly older, and considerably weather beaten, but tonight The Wildhearts have proved they’ve still got what it takes to be one of the best. With a mesmerising stage presence, great tunes, a fantastic attitude and most excitingly, new material, if they can just keep themselves together long enough, they might be able to do it all over again.

Sugacoma et al better start bucking their ideas up. Rob J

OCEANSIZE / PABLO Cardiff Barfly Oceansize sound remarkably like Radiohead. On acid. Or maybe it’s just the fact that they’re playing to a

crowd of ten – nobody to soak up the guitars as their electric fizz ricochets off the walls. The sparse crowd certainly doesn’t do much for the atmosphere – any excitement that struggled its way to the surface was well and truly annihilated by the support band Pablo.

Still, to give Oceansize their due, when they were good they were very good – the sonic pummelling of Amputee, the cosmic beauty of Saturday Morning Breakfast Show and Mike Vennart’s iridescent vocals.

Sadly, despite the requisite jumps and fawning, their lack-lustre performance deteriorated into drab experimentals like You Wish. A shame because the riffs were properly piledriving and the music itself, chillingly beautiful.

Overall, somewhat hit-and-miss but definitely a band to watch.

Becky Wedlake

DEM BROOKLYN BUMS / CHEMICAL REACTION / HOWARD’S ALIAS Cardiff Barfly It’s amazing what is classed as Ska these days, gone are the sounds of The Specials and Desmond Dekker.

Now it seems that any 3rd rate punk band with a brass section attached are able to define themselves as ska. A music regulatory committee should be set up so that the defamation of such fine acts cannot take place. Sadly of course it’ll never happen.

Howard’s Alias are not very good, but it’s a character trait they recognise in themselves. They have a sense of humour, something that is clearly vital to what they do. Their songs pass quickly, allowing me just enough time to think the singer has a good voice and how the rest of the band pretty much suck.

Next up, local boys Chemical Reaction, providing what can only be described as truly awful witless bullshit, no amount of loud shirts will make up for the god awful onslaught they put their audience through.

Apparently, straight edgers will not enjoy the one song, why limit this worthwhile warning to just them? And to just one song? Arrogance and a pretentious nature are not the key to good music, the key boys is learning how to play your fucking instruments.

Dem Brooklyn Bums in comparison are just plain weird, looking more like a jazz quintet than the sub standard group they transpire to be, there is but one real highlight in the whole set, a scat version of the Pulp Fiction theme.

When they stick with jazz they are credible and rather enjoyable, but when they fall back into big band ska revival mode, they disappointed repeatedly. The only people who seemed to really enjoy this were the guys who looked like members of Combat 18. Explains a lot really.

Richard Samuels

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YELLOW FEVER

COLDPLAY / IDLEWILD Port Talbot Afan Lido

Coldplay: Chris experiences a rush of blood to the head...

MY DEAF AUDIO / MIDASUNO Cardiff Barfly Midasuno are one band who I’m constantly in two minds about. When they’re good, they’re great in a noisy At the Drive In, post hardcore meets a more energetic indie band (The Vines, for example). However, when they’re bad, it’s like Grunge never went away, with overly trashy two chord riffs with ‘tortured’, ‘angst-ridden’ ( I prefer to use the term ‘shit’ ) vocals. Tonight it’s the same. Some of the songs are great, some aren’t , but in general the good outways the bad and they put in a good performance.

Brighton outfit My Deaf Audio cheer me up immensely.They play very British sounding melodic punk rock (a la One Car Pile Up) but with a bit more of an American edge (Lagwagon is good reference point). By this time, there`s only about ten kids left in the Barfly but the band don`t seem to notice as they blaze through their set with an obvious enjoyment that`s quite rare to see.

As with all good punk bands, it`s all over too soon but eveyone who was there left with a big smile on their faces and the opinion that they`d just seen a great band. Luke Graham

SIGUR-ROS Bristol Anson Rooms

out, with it’s staccato drumming and explosive middle eighth. And then, there’s always room for Svenf-GEnglar, which viewers of Vanilla Sky refer to as “the hit” Sigur-Ros are essentially a glimmer of the northern light in sky full of junk.

The last puff of smoke from a burning wreckage. Pretentious? ever so slightly. There’s no doubt as to the unnecessary act of singing through a guitar. Perfect? not far off. John Widdop

NAMELESS /NERVE 424 /FLINCHY Seren Las Improved advertising could have made this “alternative freshers’ ball” a real event but the lack of support (excluding one girl’s PVC dress - truly gravity defying) meant that despite the bands’ best efforts Seren Las was still empty enough to catch up on some homework at the same time.

Nameless’s members seemed to be running the entire show, and setting the dress code, but were upstaged by Nerve 424’s equally poorly named three-piece.

They appeared to be real musicians and had the good sense to invest in a drummer - take note, Flinchy - rather than base a set solely on confidence and cowboy hats.

As any good freshers’ event should be, the night was intended to introduce people with a shared interest as well as to help them part with their hardearned student loan, and GRIMsoc succeeded in both areas.

Morwenna Kearns

BOWLING FOR SOUP / JESSE JAMES Barfly

MIGHTY MIGHTY BOSSTONES / SNUFF Bristol Anson Rooms Ah, the Anson rooms, a place of such hideous sound equipment and acoustics it could make Jeff Buckley sound like Jonny Rotten. Tonight it plays host to the veterans and rookies of the ska movement. Eager children are flapping around in trousers that could host a family of oompa loompas, fixing faces bustling with piercings towards the stage which Snuff have just ascended.

This band plays music which could be the ska equivalent of Monarch Of The Glen. It’s cosy, staid, unpredictable and about as much fun as watching a

sheep think. The crowd gamely try to encourage them, but the fact that their drummer is on lead vocals lends them as much presence as a midget in a wind tunnel. Reasonable ska punk for comfy slipper skankers.

There is then a suited explosion as the Bosstones jump onto stage. A "Bez" figure begins to gyrate like an enraged turkey, a movement he will amazingly keep up all night. It is a testimony to their experience that they now all look like hyperactive bankers, but appear to still know the fundamentals of good time ska.

"Dicky" the gravel voiced vocalist, has no range but still manages to eke meolody out of his loveable gruff monotone. The brass section are magnificently joyous, the trombonist even attaching his tie to his forehead before leaping around like a big middle aged rabbit. Any metal material seems unappreciated, whilst the reggae inflected melodic numbers are universally loved and, of course, the place temporarily transforms into a carnival for the Impression That I Get. A message to you, Bosstones, thinking bouncing, not moshing, and you’ll still be arthritically skanking for a while yet.

John Holman

THE JEEVAS Barfly It’s a Monday night, there are no support acts and the band only released their first album last week.

So why is there anybody at all in Barfly this fine evening? Because there are trillions of closet Kula Shaker worshipers who have battered down the cupboard doors and come down to check out Crispian Mills’ brand spanking new band The Jeevas, and possibly heckle for Hey Dude. And judging by the contagious nodding rippling through the audience two or three songs into the set the Kula hunger is on it’s way to being satisfied.

The Jeevas (Crispian plus the rhythm section from defunct indie gimps Straw) mix a concoction of their own good time 60’s rock ‘n roll (Virginia and in particular Once Upon A Time In America are superbly warm slices of pogo rock) with the more rocky Kula numbers (tonight they play the apocalyptically great Grateful When You’re Dead, a doped down version of 303 featuring frantic guitar noodling from Crispy and Hey Dude, which sounds like a particularly large and loud aeroplane taking off).

It’s all great fun, it’s cool as fuck (just look at bassist Dan’s driving sunglasses) and if you don’t like them then you’re a pretentious cunt. OK? Jamie Fullerton

Music

The Barfly’s new U.S. based initiative of staging all-age shows on Sunday afternoons (a time when the bar doesn’t have a liquor license) is superb. This gig slot has been sold out for weeks, yet the setting generates a school trip atmosphere. Ruc sacks are piled in the corner and one cigarette serves a group of four twelve year old girls. Someone’s granny hugs the barrier in anticipation of South London ska-punkers Jesse James.

The sextet (comprising of more horns than guitars) do their best to liven up a crowd that has just spent the last half hour queuing in torrential rain.

Pockets of skankin’ break out to their chirpy melodies and stomping choruses. Set highlight Shoes has the status of an underground skater anthem, reminiscent of the notoriety of Spunge’s Kicking Pigeons a couple of

years back. Overall, a tight and entertaining performance. Jesse James then, close on Capdown’s heels.

Thanks to the top ten hit single Girl All the Bad Guys Want, Bowling For Soup are rising. In May, they were supporting Spunge at Newport T.J.’s, now they have just been booked for the Students’ Union Great Hall. Like it’s genre predecessors All the Small Things and Fat Lip, one promo video has done more for record sales than five years of touring. Singer and guitarist Jaret Von Erich (who used to play bass until he got his tongue caught in the strings and electrocuted himself) bounds onstage to the screaming of adolescent girls, from whom two songs in, he will receive a thong with a phone number marked on.

The Texan quartet play pop-punk at its most formulaic, not daring to experiment outside its currently inflated bubble. Their songs are built around soaring bridges, sharp hooks and incredibly catchy choruses. Good musicianship is revealed, be it the note-perfect harmonies of I Don’t Wanna Rock, or the punishing drum fills of Surf Colorado. The need for constant gurning between lines is beyond me, but the kids at the front love it and pogo relentlessly, punching the obligatory devil’s horn in the air.

Belgium is broken down to allow Jaret a quick karaoke session, hilariously impersonating Shaggy and Outkast.

Girl all the Bad Guys Want is played as the penultimate song and the kids go crazy, shouting back the words as their sweat drips back onto them from the ceiling. The set is bizarrely closed with a faster, more punk rendition of Bryan Adams’ Summer Of 69 and everyone leaves grinning despite the rain. However, the pop-punk bubble will surely follow the nu-metal example and burst, leaving Bowling For Soup’s longitivity doubtful.

Enys Launder

live

Sigur-Ros are not easy to write about.

They’re also a bit difficult to comprehend. Can you believe a small cluster of skeletel nondescript Icelandic men, and their largely female string section who sing in a made up language, are not only supercool Brad Pitt’s favourite band, but they’re selling out humongous venues that even Mecca Bingo only see in their dreams?

And yet to date have not even come remotely close to what Dr Fox would call a ‘hot hit’ And at any rate, do you know what a Sigur-Ros fan looks like?

Indeed, and this cult charm is only one of the things which make for such enlightening concerts. They do tend to tread the quiet paths forged by both Mogwai and hyperpretentious loons Godspeed You Black Emperor, but tend to cut out the clutter often contained amidst the loud segments.

Yet due to the dramatic vocal range and whale-like sounds of the dangerously thin one, and the delicate flicks of piano from the other dangerously thin one.

The new untitled material from their destined-for-infamy untitled second album (fill in your own titles indeed) sounds even more perfect and lovingly created than the material from their debut, from which Ny Batteri stands

It doesn’t take a genius to notice that the Afan Lido really a big sports hall pretending to be the Cardiff Arena. The huge “aquadome” next door gives it away somewhat - however the focus of everyone’s attention is obviously not on the inner tubes, but rather the small matter of one the country’s largest bands playing one of a handful of live dates this year after a barnstorming Glasto’ set.

That said, a lot of attention is currently being focused on Idlewild, with the recent departure of bassist Rob and a full UK tour on the horizon. Ripping open with Little Discourage they proceed to wow a sizeable portion of the Port Talbot crowd with their mixture of old and new material. Even though they may be over the days where Roddy would lie on his back onstage screaming whilst the bands instruments fell apart in their hands, Idlewild certainly know how to rock and seem set to continue to head for the upper reaches of the UK’s rock hierarchy.

Even with such a sterling performance, it’ obvious the valley boys and girls are here to see Coldplay, and even though Chris feels the need to open the set with “For fuck’s sake be nice to us, one of us is Welsh!” the band automatically have the crowd eating out of their hands. Old favourites like Shiver and Yellow get belted out in a professional style and the band pick up even more points by announcing that the mass of Welsh voices have given them the best rendition of Trouble so far this tour (even if they do refer to “the land of the Stereophonics and Charlotte Church” whilst doing so).

However it’s their new material which proves to be the strongest live, a searing version of Politik, a resounding Clocks and the almighty Scientist all being the highlights of the set.

You may dislike them for being popular or even hate them for being “wet”, but on tonight's performance Coldplay are proving themselves as one of the best bands in the country, on record and in the flesh - whether you like it or not. Lets just hope they continue to deliver. Andy Parsons

Musialbums c

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PICK OF Album of the Fortnight THE REST ROBBIE WILLIAMS Escapology Chrysalis / EMI

THE DELGADOS Hate Mantra Whilst not exactly venturing into the unknown or the dangerously variable, The Delgados have forged their own little niche on these shores with their melancholic dual vocalled take on the indie folk genre. This, their fourth album of their melancholic dual vocalled take on the indie folk genre, shows very little sign of progression. Other than that, whereas their last album, the Mercury Music Prize loser The Great Eastern, suffered slightly from over ambition and top-heavy melodrama, Hate is much less abrupt.

Instead, it crafts beautiful melodies around dark and fragile subject matters: most notably on the “say no to drugs or die” lament of Child Killers and the orchestrallytasty opening track, The Light Before We Land.

Like some guy probably said once; who cares if it’s another bowl of the same soup, when it’s the best goddamn soup in town?

John Widdop

✰✰✰✰ CHRIS COCO Next Wave Distinct’ive Breaks Already an acclaimed DJ and producer at the forefront of the current downtempo scene, the release of Chris Coco’s debut artist album has given him a chance to transfer many years of meddling with soothing sounds into LP form. This is a fairly ambitious project which includes diverse collaborations from author Iain Banks to actor Patrick Bergen and even rock sex god Gavin Rossdale.

However Coco has manage to build from these a series of mellow tracks that can each stand alone ranging from sunniest moods to the very dark. Perhaps the most unlikely guest is gloomy legend Nick Cave on the reworking of Lou Reed’s classic Sunday which works perfectly to make a beautiful mood, whilst unique vocals from ex-Belle and Sebastian singer Monica Queen on three tracks, give the album another edge.

Guest production from ambient legend Lenny Ibizarre on final track BackTo Nature gives a fitting end to an album which adds vision to a genre which is constantly verging on the edge of uninspired.

Kathryn Archer

There has been so much hype about the new material from Robbie that I’ve never felt so much pressure when listening to an album!! But after ten seconds I forgot I was listening to one of the most exciting albums of the year, and just relished the music.

It opens with How Peculiar, a strong, intense tune that starts the album brilliantly. The first single is Feel, a slow ballad, which just proves the power of his voice. A few of the songs, such as Handsome Man, Come Undone and Song

3, sound very similar but in a good way – they have a more rocky edge than his previous albums which he carries off well.

In the middle of these ‘samey’ tracks comes Hot Fudge, which is one of the best because it stands out so much. A lively, perky song, it perks up the album where the songs have been sounding too similar.

A personal favourite is Revolution, a duet with Guy Chambers’ sister - the two voices complement each other so well and the result is an incredibly intense song.

Overall, the album has a more mature, less jokey feel and I personally think it is fantastic. Whether he is worth the eighty million, I’ll let you decide.

Kate Shaw

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THE GREAT ESCAPE PUERTO MUERTO ….Your Bloated Corpse Has Washed Ashore!

Fire Records A wonderfully exotic album from husband and wife duo Tim Kelly and Christa Meyer. The duo don’t so much pretend to be giving a history lesson but rather act as if they are the characters alive today.

Both Tim and Christa sings, but it is Chirista’s voice which must get extra credit. At times, she sounds like at time those female jazz crooners you found in the forties/ fifties like Julie London, singing full of sadness and abandon, to where at the end of San Pedro, she is screaming and wailing, you can almost feel the soreness in her throat. Tim and Christa sing about the men fighting in a civil war, the women abandoned by these men, about the Spanish Reign, hopelessness, harlotry, drowning sorrows in drink.

Think Spanish guitars, accordion, military, patriotic, sentimentality, eroticism, Western, film music, with a bit of language cross mixing and your halfway there.

Pauline Cheung

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VARIOUS 28 Days Later - OST XL Recordings With the film synopsis in mind, day 1: exposure... day 3: infection... day 8: epidemic... day 15: evacuation... day 20: devastation, the purpose of the soundtrack is clearly two-fold. Firstly, the record enhances cinematic imagery. Secondly, it stands on its own feet as an eclectic

collection of fantasy-orientated tunes. The two startling highlights are the inclusion of AM180 by Grandaddy (remember that record of the fortnight championed by Mark Radcliffe in 1998) and a tellingly echoic acapella version of Abide With Me. Moving from obscurity to triumph, this soundtrack confidently drives the emotion of the film, a testament to the value of any such recording. Additionally, it functions a worthwhile compilation of otherwise little known creative indie and chill-out recordings, to entertain a more discerning listener. Andrew Davidson

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RONI SIZE Touching Down Full Cycle Records Roni Size’s first totally solo outing arrives at a time when the drum and bass scene is healthier than ever before, with high quality L.Ps and E.Ps being dropped from all areas of the field. Size’ effort is no exception, with massive tunes like Playtime, Scrambled Eggs and the current 12” Sound Advice all present, fresh from smashing up dance floors nation-wide (not least at our own student union).

The album contains no vocals or MC, instead focussing on, as Size puts it himself at the start of the mix; “killer drums and bass”, which is exactly what it is; tight beats fused with low, hard and dirty bass lines.

A solid and well constructed mix develops, with new tracks like Uncensored (with its filthy bass line over clever drum work and piano stabs) and the more laid back feel of tunes like Sorry For You and Find Myself, all rolling towards the finishing piece of the amazing Snapshot 3.

With a Reprazent album on the horizon, as well as an L.P from new talent MC Tali,

Robbie:Rocky edge?

and dub plates appearing from the Bristol camp all the time, Full Cycle is clearly going from strength to strength.

David Sutheran.

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SCHNEIDER TM Zoomer City Slang Dirk ‘Schneider’ Dresselhaus is probably most famous for his recent cover of the Smiths’ There Is aA Light that Never Goes Out; endorsed by moguls from Jarvis Cocker to John Peel. All that his second album reveals is that perhaps he should have stuck with the covers.

On the first play, Zoomer, which took three years in the making, appears to be a messy amalgamation of computer sound effects. In DJ Guy and Cuba TM, the electronica builds up images of an accordion player on acid. However, listen again and you may find there are some cleverly crafted tunes on the album.

Reality Check emulates the Air vibe with blissed-out break-beat, and Turn On slickly trickles out of the speakers. First single, Frogtoise, delivers its unique theme wrapped in a blanket of lyrics that are in turn witty and haunting, whilst the paradoxical onslaught on the eardrums of 999 captures the sense of urgency that the title suggests.

The kaleidoscope of styles, from bangra to breakbeat, sit about as comfortably as a nun in a brothel. It’s not easy-listening, but then again, that’s not the intention.

Amy Lindsay

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SMOG Accumulation: None Drag City / Domino Smog provides us with an eclectic collection of songs taken from A, B sides and EP’s as well as a previous unreleased song in no particular chronological order.

The songs date from the 91’ to 00’ with the only song after this being his new one, so there’s nothing from the last LP, Rain On Lens here.

The CD starts with Astronaut - a weird track using ceremonial monk type bells and percussion, with Smog’s distorted voice. He seems to like distortion and drive he does, as he continues to use it in A Hit which, as its name suggests, with its American anthem type catchy hook and plodding rhythm is possibly the catchiest song on the CD. A special mention must also go out to Real Live Dress where Callahan does his best Cohen impression, exuding bitter ironic lyrics with that dark sweet voice of his. Pauline Cheung

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Smog: Even cowboys get the blues...

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11 METRO AREA Metro Area Environ / Source Some people don’t like dance music at all, for those that do, some won’t just confine themselves only to styles with beats over 170bpm. Some may prefer to buy dance music which sounds just as good chilling out to at home as it does on the dance floor. Metro Area have provided us with such intelligent and soulful music.

Essentially seven tracks taken from the 12” series and four new songs put together take influences from retro: the early Chicago house classics, disco and the futurism of Detroit through to the more present day forms of house and techno.

It’s a seamless listening experience with some elements present throughout like the handclaps, minimal strings, disco guitar, slap bass and reverbed percussion. Ever so subtly, different themes like the vocals, piano and brass are brought more to the fore on different tracks. Metro Area bring us refined disco for today.

Pauline Cheung

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BLONDIE Greatest Hits EMI Blimey, you know more Blondie songs than you think you do. There are also a fair few you don’t know, and upon hearing, wish you hadn’t bothered.

Ex-Playboy Bunny Debbie Harry has a distinct voice but its one that begins to grate by about, ooh track three.

(Actually, track three is One Way Or Another, which is great.) There are some classics in this bundle of fun though. The obvious Heart Of Glass, Atomic (stolen and almost destroyed by that over-exposed hair advert) and of course Maria appear alongside other less known tracks such as (I’m aAways Touched By Your) Presence, Dear. Shit title, even worse song.

The penultimate track is Sunday Girl

GRiP with that unforgettable ‘Franglais’-style’ mix and infectious hand-clap. Of course, the album wouldn’t be complete without that revival song, the one that gave Blondie a hit in their third decade of music-making – Maria.

Not a CD for everyone’s collection, it probably wont even stay in mine, but it’s light-hearted, totally naff and completely addictive. Katie Brunt

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HOT WATER MUSIC Caution Epitaph As hordes of doe eyed, side-parted, tight T-shirt wearing kids would readily (albeit somewhat weepily) attest, 2001 was the year that emo broke. It is, officially, time to ‘share’. It’s all too easy, however, to forget that acoustic guitars and quavering voices are not the only way to express emotion, a point which Hot Water Music drive home with startling accuracy.

Riveting from the incendiary opening track Remedy through to the guitar solo laden finisher The End, Caution is an undeniably emotional record, but those of you expecting warm, cuddly, marshmallow melodies, are going to be disappointed. Actually, more accurately, you’re going to be scared. With its rapid-fire punk guitars, thundering bass, and none-more-gravelly dual vocals, Jimmy Eat World it ain’t.

Highlights Trusty Chords and We’ll Say Anything We Want showcase the intensely personal lyrics and caustic guitar work that make the album really worth a listen. Although it won’t be for everyone, this punk rock classic is worth a look. Find out what real emotion sounds like. Will Turnpenny

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LAMYA Learning from Falling J-Records Lamya releases her debut album more than 10 years into her career, during which time she has appeared as guest vocalist on tracks by Soul II Soul,

James Brown and Duran Duran, to name but a few.

In her turn to take the limelight, she has teamed up with producer Nellee Hooper (whose CV includes Madonna, Massive Attack and All Saints) to record Learning from Falling – a really varied album that changes style with each track. The album switches between catchy pop songs, Didoesque ballads, and R n B tracks. And there’s even a cover of Nick Drake’s Pink Moon as well.

Vocally, the album is excellent, but the tracks suffer from a lack of identity, which may be put down to overproduction. With a little less, the songs would stand out more, but as it is, they fail to make a lasting impact, which is a shame for an obviously talented songwriter. Jeremy Townsend

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JESSE MALIN The Fine Art of Self-Destruction Jesse Malin’s debut LP features Ryan Adams on guitar and production duties and – not surprisingly – sound a lot like Ryan Adams. Moving away from his native hardcore punk background, Malin fuses alt-country with New York rock n roll, with vocals in the vein of Adam Duritz (Counting Crows). Sadly even the contributions of Melissa Auf Der Maur (Hole/Smashing Pumpkins) and Joe McGinty (Psychedelic Furs) can’t save this album from slipping into another bland collection of ballads.

Not good, not bad, just dull.Still, at least it’s not another pop-punk/numetal/prog-rock/wannabegarageband offering.

Becky Wedlake

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THE VENUE Mmhm!

Bella Union The Venue are yet another band from Sweden with a retro sound, but this time it’s the sweet pop sound of ’66 and not the garage-punk roar of ’77.

Coming over like early Beatles, Stones

and Who, it’s all harmonies and harmonica over groovy basslines and twangy guitar. It gets even better than that though with cowbells, tambourine and even a string section getting a look in. And that’s without even mentioning the drummer. 52 year old Hans Ekman, keeping up with his four bandmates all in their early twenties and getting a second 60’s when most of us never even got one. The songs are a variety of 60’s pop styles; Deep-Fried Sinfulness is pure R&B stomp, So Much Too Much is a dead ringer for early Who, and it’s all coated in sweet Beatles harmonies. Nothing that hasn’t been done before but none the less enjoyable for that. Jon Griffiths

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JAKATTA Visions Rulin Records Two years ago the funky house legend, Joey Negro (real name Dave Lee), produced a track called American Booty under one of his many pseudonyms, Jakatta. It heavily sampled Thomas Newman’s exquisite film score to American Beauty and was an instant club hit. This success led Lee, with the backing of Ministry of Sound, to persevere with Jakatta, releasing (to date) two more highly successful singles and, eventually, this album.Unfortunately, the singles are incongruous with the rest of the album and are noticeably the only club tracks.

However, Lee’s American Dream (formerly American Booty) is superb and does capture the elegant, illusive beauty of Newman’s original. The hazy, lazy hip-hop of I Don’t Know, featuring Ty (Ninja Tunes), is wickedly infectious, whilst the two tracks featuring Beth Hirsch would sit comfortably on a Cafe Del Mar volume.

Nonetheless, the remaining tracks are mostly unremarkable with current single, My Vision (featuring Seal), particularly bland.

Ben Hammond

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Best Of The Recently Released (Part 1) MANIC STREET PREACHERS Forever Delayed Sony

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DEATH IN VEGAS Scorpio Rising Concrete/BMG

FOO FIGHTERS One By One RCA/Roswell

After the critical success of the darkly majestic Contino Sessions, Death In Vegas leave the shadows of the city for the slightly brighter atmosphere of Scorpio Rising. Again featuring a

After recent speculation about the future of the Foos, Dave Grohl and his merry men return with what is possibly their best album to date. One By One takes all the energy of their debut and

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THE POLYPHONIC SPREE The Beginning Stages Of...

679 24 Texans in robes is certainly not the most usual of line ups, but then again the Polyphonic Spree are anything but ordinary. Led by the charismatic Tim DeLaughter, the group have been causing quite a stir with their recent UK tour bringing their gospel of psychadelic pop songs to the British masses.

The most immediate references are Spiritualized or The Flaming Lips because of their epic sound, but the more it’s listened to, the more the album slowly develops a distinct sound of its own. Singles Hanging Around and Solider Girl are good intros, but its the closing epiphany of A Long Day

which really blows your mind. Make sure you feel the rapture.

Andy Parsons

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BJORK Greatest Hits One Little Indian Featuring tracks compiled by a unique web vote, Bjork’s Greatest Hits compilation surprisingly doesn’t feature many of her biggest hits but tends to focus more on her progression as an artist. By mixing delicate, ambient tracks such as All Is Full Of Love, Hyperballad, and Venus As A Boy with more upbeat numbers such as Big Time Sensuality and Isobel what we have is a distinct air of dramatic beauty which not only pervades Bjork’s perspicacious music but also Bjork herself, as the album delves into the many facets which makes Bjork the enigmatic and fascinating character she is today. Set to be released with a Family Tree box set which comprises of 6 cds spanning the whole of Bjork’s career, from the work she did on her flute aged 15 (Sidasta eg) to the Sugarcubes to the Brodsky Quartet’s classical arrangements of Bjork’s songs. All relfecting on the Icelandic icon’s alluring magic.

Gemma Jones

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mixes it with the intensity of The Colour And The Shape and what we’re faced with is an explosive, energetic and in a word awesome album.

From opener, and recent single All My life to the crunching Come Back, Grohl covers a range of emotions and theres an almost autobiographical feel to it. In a nutshell, One By One is the album that’s guaranteed to secure the Foo Fighters title as one of the best bands around today. Gemma Jones

albums

The long awaited greatest hits album from the Manics may be somewhat of a disappointment for die hard fans as it focuses more on their succesful and better known hits. However, generally most people will find it a good reflection of their huge and varied career. Obvious classics such as Motorcycle Emptiness, Everything Must Go and Faster are all there, although their minimal use of tracks from Gold Against The Soul and The Holy Bible are highly apparent and sorely missed.

Despite this, it is still a fantastic mix of old and new tracks.

The bonus remix cd, containing remixes from the likes of Ian Brown, Mogwai and Massive Attack adds to the general notion that the Manic Street Preachers are surely one of the greatest bands ever. Sebastian Swift

dazzling array of guest vocalists, Richard and Tim have constructed a blissful mix of scuzzy synth-pop and psychedelic blissed out grooves.

Working with legendary Indian violinist Dr Subramaniam gives the album an authentic eastern feel, whilst also keeping its roots in shoegazing, Detroit techno and country. Standout tracks Diving Horses and the epic closer Help Yourself are unfortunately counterbalanced by turgid collaborations with Liam Gallagher (Scorpio Rising) and Paul Weller (So You Say You Lost Your Baby). Indeed it’s these dead weights that lowers that standard of the album as a whole.

Perhaps more time with Hope Sandoval and less focus on guaranteeing record sales may have raised this album from an excellent listen, to a must have masterpiece.

Still, you can always use the skip button… Andy Parsons

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ilm reviews

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Death of the author MORVERN CALLAR RELEASED: NOV 1ST CERTIFICATE: 15 RUNNING TIME: 97 mins

CAST Samantha Morton: Morvern Callar Kathleen McDermott: Lanna Paul Popplewell: Guy with Hat Bryan Dick: Guy with Hat’s Mate

WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT

Dir.: Lynne Ramsay Scr.: Liana Dognini & Lynne Ramsay

Morvern Callar is a 21 year old supermarket worker from a small port town on the west coast of Scotland. She believes that life is something that you get on with as best you can with you’ve got.

Christmas morning, Morvern finds that what she’s got is a dead boyfriend on the kitchen floor and his novel on a hard drive. This takes her on a journey from the aisles of Kwiksave, to the south of Spain.

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t’s easy to see how director, Ramsay, identifies with Morvern, her ambiguous protagonist. Morvern’s unashamed approach to life mirrors Ramsay’s determination to fashion an unapolagetically literary work of art. It’s this relationship which makes Morvern Callar such a richly rewarding experience.

Firmly rooted in Scottish beat literature, by way of Alex Trocchi, this wonderful, elliptic work begins where an existential novel ends.

Little of Morvern’s boyfriend is revealed, save his profile, face down on the floor for an obscene amount of time.

Instead, Morvern concentrates on what she’s learnt the hard way: how to get by. And so she appropriates his artistic ‘legacy’ and passes his novel off as her own, which may just be her ticket out of her bleak nowhere.

That this absurd pragmatism is accepted so lightly is in large part due to the astonishing Samantha Morton; at last given a role worthy of her talents, having previously forged a career as the world’s best professional mute. Though even here, dialogue is often subservient to lingering close-ups of the ambiguous face of Morvern.

Exuding strength through vulnerability, we’re left to wonder if she’s in shock, if she’s broken down, or if she’s simply a female Nixon. In actuality, it’s as if Morvern has very little choice.

Merely explaining to her best friend, Lanna, that “he’s gone”, Morvern raids his bank

account for a package holiday for the two of them. The abrupt, colourful ‘break’ to Spain could so easily have destroyed the film but Ramsay treats this as an adventure in itself, serving as the awakening of Morvern. Played with skilful relish by real-life trainee hairdresser, Kathleen McDermott, Lanna provides an emotional counterpoint to Morvern, embodying both everything she is and everything she isn’t.

Morvern Callar is feminist fun. Its largely Warp- based soundtrack, heard through he device of Morvern’s walkman, is a well used insight into Morvern’s character. A tape, compiled by her dead boyfriend, it haunts her every move and is often completely at odds with events on screen, such as The Mommas and the Pappas guiding Morvern through a thumping club.

These club scenes, along with a bizarre and debauched party scene are arguably the greatest of their type ever comitted to film. We’re so used to clubs portrayed on screen with all the realism of a movie

football match, that Ramsay’s unsettling, claustrophic depiction is breathtaking and recalls Harvey Keitel’s soaked staggerings in Mean Streets.

Her debut, Ratcatcher, in spite of its plaudits, drew some criticism for the strong influence of Ken Loach. Here, Ramsay strikes out on her own, with a idiosyncratic display of original, ambiguous imagery. It results in a world where a few implausibilities of plot are simply irrelevant.

A masterfully assured and deeply affecting, deeply ambiguous film which demands your viewing.

Nick McDonald

FINAL WORD Morvern’s coming of age is also the coming of age of Lynne Ramsay.

Ramsay proves herself as both an old fashioned auteur and the brightest, most progressive light in British cinema.

A masterpiece.

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An Apology By the time gair ryhdd went to print there were unfortunately no scheduled press screenings of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and so Film was unable to review the highly anticipated movie, and is therefore unable to match the coverage of the original film in last years eight page Harry Potter Pullout TM HARRY POTTER – THE STORY SO FAR….

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t’s been a whole year since the first instalment of the Harry Potter series, so how exactly did the first film end?

Harry’s adventure started at Hogwarts Academy.

There he met his two best friends Ron Weasely and Hermione Granger, Hagrid and the headmaster Dumbledore.

What’s more Harry also gained some enemies - Draco Malfoy, Professor Snape, and of course, Lord Voldemort.

After a break-in at Gringotts Bank and a mysterious package is linked to the out of bounds third floor corridor at Hogwarts, Harry and his friends are suddenly caught up in a frightening quest to save the Philosopher’s stone.

The finger is pointed at Snape after the Quidditch game, where Harry is thrown from his broomstick.

So, with the help of his two friends, Harry makes it past Cerberus and a room of flying keys.

Then through a giant chess game after Snape, only to discover the real culprit is professor Quirell.

However when Harry’s lightening scar begins to burn, we know that there is someone else nearby.

Harry is sure to lose the battle, but it seems higher forces are at work.

“The Mirror of Erised” shows Harry that the stone is hidden in his pocket.

Dumbledore had ensured Harry’s triumph with a spell, which only revealed the hiding place of the stone to a person without evil intent.

The book ended with harmony restored, but for how long can Harry and Co. can escape the terrors of “You Know Who?” Only the second term at Hogwarts will tell…Laura Canter

Harry the Hardman of Hollywood

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Defence of a Race RABBIT-PROOF FENCE RELEASED: NOV 8TH CERTIFICATE: PG RUNNING TIME: 93 mins

CAST Everlyn Sampi: Molly Tianna Sansbury: Daisy Laura Monaghan: Gracie David Gulpilil: Moodoo Kenneth Branagh: Mr. Neville

Forcibly taken from their families by the Australian authorities, three Aboriginal girls are taken to a school which will teach them nothing more than to be servants.

They escape and an epic journey home begins.

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abbit Proof Fence, which has recently won The Standard Life Audience Award at 56th Edinburgh International Film Festival Awards for being the most popular film shown, is based on a true story from 1930’s Australia and focuses on a period that most Australians would probably like to forget.

At the time it was believed that Aboriginals could have their colour bred out by integrating them in to

THEY

RELEASED: NOV 1ST CERTIFICATE: 15 RUNNING TIME: 89 mins

Dir.: Robert Harmon Scr.: Brendan Hood

hey opens with a fantastically hellish and shocking scene, setting a jumpy pace for the rest of the film.

The notion that the dark can’t hurt us and nightmares are all in the mind is confused and twisted.

What struck me about They was its combination of the best elements of the horror genre;

draws on a traditional Aboriginal background and echoes the chanting of the people themselves. This creates a really haunting effect at times and leaves you a bit goose bumpy.

Emma Musty

FINAL WORD This is an honest and brave attempt to deal with a situation and peoples who have previously been ignored. The understated exploration of the effect that the decisions of government officials in far away places can have on individuals, whom they do not know or understand, is very poignant.

✩✩✩✩ tension strong enough to coil your stomach lining was built through a subtle pace and haunting background music only to be sharply sliced by a burst of gory action.

The director, Robert Harmon, was obviously aiming above the teen slasher market, with his portrayal of characters that were over twenty, had real relationships, real bodies and didn’t let their shirts fall open at regular intervals (sorry chaps).

The acting was solid, especially from the supporting actors Embry (Sam) and Dominczyk (Terry), though our heroine Laura did at times border on the moany (which is hard to understand when your boyfriend is Riley from Buffy fame).

They does nothing wholly original and a script is barely non-existent, but the direction is atmospheric and the camera angles and acting styles are edgy and urban.

The notion of mental illness is carefully and sensitively handled and makes the plight of Laura all the more terrifying

when she’s not sure she can even trust herself.

The most frightening element is that we can’t see exactly what They are or where They are; shadows on the wall, flickering lights and a hollow, scuttling sound are the only clues that They are near.

They is frightening yet compelling and above all, entertaining and even if you don’t like horror, Marc Blucas is pretty damn fine.

Caroline Hogg

FINAL WORD Although the plot fails to develop beyond the films simple premise, be prepared for much pant wetting and screaming during this movie. Go and see it. . . (but with a friend, and in the daytime, and shut your cupboard door when you get home, and light some candles).

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Julia thinks that as a psychology graduate she has a firm grip on reality.

But things begin to go wrong after a reunion with a childhood friend ends horrifically.

Suddenly those night terrors of her past seem real; are They coming for her or is she slipping into madness?

The cinematography is amazing and as important to the plot as the dialogue itself.

Overhead shots of great expanses of desert, give you a sudden understanding of how immense the girls task of getting home really was.

The soundtrack largely

reviews

CAST Laura Regan: Julia Marc Blucas: Paul Ethan Embry: Sam Dagmara Dominczyk: Terry Jon Abrahams: Billy

Australian society as children.

Director, Phillip Noyce’s treatment of this topic is subtle and convincing.

There is no unnecessary categorisation of characters; they are left open with both their triumphs and their flaws exposed.

It is less about bad guys and more about bad decisions.

The issue is not forced down your throat; you’re left to make up your own mind.

It is simply told as a good story that contains an awful truth. It would have been too easy to over dramatise the treatment of the children in a Hollywood fashion and intentionally pluck at the heartstrings but Noyce was brave enough to avoid this.

Instead we are given a unique insight in to Aboriginal culture and the country in which they live.

WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT

WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT

Dir.: Phillip Noyce Scr.: Christine Olsen

GRiP 28 DAYS LATER RELEASED: NOV 1ST CERTIFICATE: 18 RUNNING TIME: TBC

CAST Cillian Murphy: Jim Naomie Harris: Selena Christopher Eccleston: Henry West Brendon Gleeson: Frank

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WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT

Film reviews

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It’s 28 days after the outbreak of a genetically engineered lethal virus. A man wakes up from a coma to find that the hospital he is in is deserted. As he wanders out into the streets of the city he realises that the entire centre of London is empty, or so it seems…

Dir.: Danny Boyle Scr.: Alex Garland

n his debut film Shallow Grave, director Danny Boyle showed signs that he had a sinister dark side lurking beneath the surface.

In 28 Days Later he teams up again with writer Alex Garland and unleashes that dark side in a shower of blood-filled vomit.

The result is a breathtaking piece of work.

During the two-hour duration you will be surprised when you’re not wringing your clammy hands in tense fear.

The pace is frantic and the shocks are incessant.

Horror hasn’t been done this well for a long time.

The best way to see this film is to go in there knowing as little about it as possible.

The basic story is that the population of Britain has been destroyed by a highly infectious virus. Once exposed the virus turns you into a blood-vomiting zombie who knows nothing but rage.

There is at least one survivor, Jim (Cillian Murphy). That’s all you need to know.

Filmed entirely on Digital Video, your fear is heightened by the fact that Boyle makes it feel so real.

Often a CCTV camera viewpoint is incorporated, distancing the viewer from the action and making the shock of zooming into someone’s bloodied, terrified face all the more startling.

Also, unusually for Boyle, the

soundtrack takes a back seat, with the focus on actual sounds and tense quietness rather than pumping baselines and Damon Albarn.

The film twists and turns so much that there’s no point in trying to predict what’s going to happen next – along the way there are shocks that will have the hardest rugby player jumping out of his seat like a terrified little girl.

And don’t be unnerved to find yourself muttering "don’t go in there…" like an insane wino on more than one occasion.

As it’s filmed in Britain there are scenes and landscapes that everyone will recognise.

If you’ve ever wondered what Piccadilly Circus would be like with no one there you will soon discover that it’s infinitely more chilling than you ever imagined…

Howard Calvert

FINAL WORD Boyle is back doing what he does best after the disappointment of The Beach. Sure, zombie films have been done to death but this is a unique vision that will scare the shit out of you. Go see it.

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ith the recent shootings in America that has gripped the country in fear, Michael Moore’s anti-gun documentary, Bowling for Columbine, is extremely poignant.

Moore trawls through America attempting to investigate Americans obsession with killing each other, interviewing the likes of Matt Stone, Marilyn Manson and victims of the Columbine School Massacre in the process.

Moore’s style is very subtle. At times he is very funny with those he interviews, but most of the time simply sits back and lets them perform their own stupidity.

His unrelenting sense of satirically biting humour mocks within the film, acting as a vehicle for his social commentary.

Going from full on belly laughs, to tear filled eyes,

Moore leaves no prisoners in his combative interviewing techniques.

Occasionally he sucumbs to leading interview subjects, but only as a result of their distraught state.

While proving that the violent histories of Great Britain and Germany, and the immense supply of guns in Canada have not led to these countries having murderous societies, Moore indicates that the US is built on a legacy of media bred fear.

Throughout history, Americans have feared native Americans, the British, their slaves, and it’s ethnic minorities.

All they have left now is fear for one another and itchy trigger fingers.

Bowling for Columbine’s main strengths lie in the power of its scenes. Both punchy and fast moving, Moore builds his argument throughout with a perfect

mixture of comedy, animation and real footage.

The tension in the scenes climaxes when Moore concludes his documentary by interviewing screen legend and President of the National Rifle Association, Charlton Heston.

As Heston crumbles, and shows himself to be a bitter and twisted old man, all he succeeds in doing is making his famous anti-war tirade at the end of The Planet of the Apes much more ironic than iconic.

Patrick Glendening and Neil Blain

BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE

RELEASED: NOV 15TH CERTIFICATE: TBC RUNNING TIME: 120 mins CAST Michael Moore: Himself Charlton Heston: Himself Marilyn Manson: Himself Matt Stone: Himself Dir.: Michael Moore Scr.: Michael Moore

WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT

FINAL WORD

The following is a list of the number of firearm homicides per year in each country. Germany: 381. France: 255.

Canada: 165. UK: 68. Australia: 65.

Japan: 39. The United States of America: 11,127. In his latest documentary Michael Moore sets out to find out whether America is a nation of gun nuts, or

Moore presents a perfect mix of humour, emotion and social and political commentary. Rather than a film just about guns it’s about a nation and it’s violent culture. An extremely important documentary, you should feel very guilty if you do not see it.

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SECRETS WORTH READING? Does the second installment in the Harry Potter series live up to its reputation? Or is it over-hyped, over-rated and overstaying its welcome in bookshops and cinemas everywhere? If you’re one of the three people left in the country who haven’t read the book, try it - you might like it.

The original, for the kids, version

Harry: so popular, they change the cover for adults too HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS J. K. Rowling (Bloomsbury)

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arry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets follows Harry and his friends, Ron and Hermione, through their second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

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Having met a pillowcase-wearing elf, crashed a flying car and been attacked by a rogue Bludger during a Quidditch match, Harry’s year becomes stranger still when the mysterious Chamber of Secrets is opened. As the hospital wing fills up with pupils and ghosts, it appears no-one is safe from the creature lurking in the Chamber. Add to that the knowledge that the heir of Salazar Slytherin, the evil co-founder of

herever you look, there are rumours abounding as to what the next three books will have in store for Harry and his friends.

The supposed title for the fifth book has long been presumed to be Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, said Order being an alliance forged by Albus Dumbledore and all like-minded individuals in order to combat the newly ressurrected Lord Voldemorte’s evil influence. Its name is thought to be a refernce to Fawkes, Dumbledore’s pet phoenix, from whose tail the feathers at the cores of both Harry’s and Voldemort’s wands originated.

It is popularly believed, due in part to comments

Hogwarts, is loose in the school and the fact that Harry himself is showing signs of being this heir, and it’s no wonder that the school descends into terror.

As in the previous Harry Potter book, Harry, Ron and Hermione take it upon themselves to try and solve the mystery. Their quest to stop the attacks and clear Harry’s name sees them meeting spiders the size of elephants and turning themselves into Draco Malfoy’s cronies, Crabbe and Goyle, but when they finally get inside the Chamber, Harry finds himself alone, and face to face with the heir of Slytherin himself.

The new school year sees a new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher in the form of Gilderoy Lockhart (five times winner of Witch Weekly’s MostCharming-Smile Award.) Lockhart brings the light-hearted edge to the story, sweeping his way through disasters with the kind of confidence and self-adoration that can infuriate you, make you laugh, or make you cringe at the sheer ridiculousness of it

made by Rowling herself, that the fifth book will see the return of old favourites Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, and the ghost of Cedric Diggory, offed by Peter Pettigrew on Voldemorte’s order at the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire , who will help Harry in a series of tasks. Tenuously related is the belief that at some point it will be explained why, in Rowlingworld, so wizards and witches return as ghosts and others do not.

There is much speculation as to whether or not certain characters are what they appear to be. Mrs Figg, Harry’s unpleasant old lady neighbour, is believed to be a witch dedicated to watching over him, while there is much debate as to whether or not

all. Snape continues to be the intriguing dark force among the teachers, whilst Professor Dumbledore and Hagrid still command the love and respect of characters and readers alike.

J K Rowling’s second book in the 7part series does exactly what Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone did, only better. The story is more frightening than the last and has more twists and turns in the plot, keeping the reader guessing right until the end.

Although the book is aimed at the younger reader, the plot is complicated enough to keep adult readers enthralled, and the language isn’t such that you’re overly aware of reading a children’s story.

It is Rowling’s ability to appeal to both young and old alike in this way that has put her stories consistently in the best seller’s lists, and to anyone who thinks that a children’s story isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on, give this one a try. You might just surprise yourself.

Louise Smith

Dumbledore is secretly evil and in league with Voldemort, his supposed archenemy. It has been surmised that Harry’s mother, Lily Potter, had secret dealings with Voldemort before her death, and that James Potter, Harry’s father, could actually have been Voldemorte’s son. Either way, there is apparently due to be a big revelation about one of them.

More characters are due to die, possibly most horribly, at the hands of Voldemorte and his minions, since Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire signalled a definite change in direction of the content, with it becoming much darker, a trend which, according to Rowling, will only continue.

So, what next?

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HARRY POTTER AND THE NON-EXISTANT NEXT INSTALLMENT

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ast your minds back, if you will, to the heady days of the summer of the year 2000. The sun was shining, the weather was sweet, and the eagerly awaited fifth installment of the phenominally popular Harry Potter series was due to be in all good bookshops just in time for the summer holidays.

Over two years later, and we’re still waiting for it, with no word on exactly when the manuscript will even be completed, let alone published. So what went wrong? The original plan to publish the seven books over the course of seven consecutive years, thereby giving Harry’s fans the chance to age with him, seems to have gone to hell in a handbasket, leaving quite literally the whole world waiting with baited breath for the conclusion to what may have become the most famous saga in literature.

Is it possible that, crushed under an incredible weight of expectation, J. K. Rowling has simply suffered from that bane of the author’s existence, writer’s block? Is it that she’s spent so much time collecting accolades, living the millionairess-highlife, getting married to a fortune-hunting free-loader and being

impregnated by said fortune-hunting free-loader, that she’s simply been too busy to spare a thought for the legions of readers that follow her work? Is she ignoring those who made it possible for her to collect those accolades, live that millionairess-highlife, be in a position to attract a fortune-hunting free-loader in order to get her pregnant in the first place?

Or is there a more sinister, capitalist world-domination type scheme at work here? By delaying the completion of her opus, are J. K. Rowling, Bloomsbury, Scholastic and horror-ofhorrors, Warner Bros. making sure that the interest and influence of Harry Potter remains present within society until Judgement Day? Are they doing this by encouraging parents to read and reread the existing four novels until they take on the form of a lifeaffirming mantra, shower their brainwashed offspring with over-priced, technicoloured plastic crap and consort with the not-so-black arts, all in the name of entertainment and education?

Whatever. I’m past caring and I’m sure the majority of you are too. Just finish the damn book, already.

Jane Eyre

Over two years later, and we’re still waiting for it, with no word on exactly when the manuscript will even be completed, let alone published

Ms Rowling: evil capitalist? Harsh or fair?

JK Rowling: Top Dog or Copycat?

T creations of Tolkein, combined them with some of her own ideas (such as the game of Quidditch) and directed them at a younger audience?

I am not suggesting that JK Rowling has completely ripped off and plagiarised Tolkein.

However, the point must be raised of whether she deserves such widespread acclaim and recognition for a piece of literature that is by not a breath of fresh air by any stretch of the imagination. The books provide an entertaining read, so try them both and decide for yourself...

Jessica Webb

Tolkein: Rowling’s inspiration?

Books

Jill Murphy: the original magic touch?

all combine to provide satisfying entertainment.

On finishing the final chapter, a strange feeling of deja vu crept over.

The storylines and characters seemed somehow familiar! Where had I heard them before? Then the penny dropped!

Harry Potter contained elements bearing a remarkable resemblance to JRR Tolkein’s The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Was the evil Voldemort nothing more than an adaptation of Tolkien’s Dark Lord Sauron? Both are striving to take physical form and searching to find a lost item (be it the Philosopher’s stone or the ‘One Ring’). The likeness between the deceitful nature of Tolkein’s White Wizard Saruman and Professor Quirrell again raised an eyebrow.

However, even the hardest critic could forgive one slip. But was it just one? The similarities between Jill Murphy’s Worst Witch series again seem to highlight Rowling’s lack of originality. Are these simply innocent coincidences or more?

The idea of intertextuality could possibly account for these likenesses, or is this just an excuse to justify the ‘borrowing’ of another author’s ideas?

Is Harry Potter simply a story belonging to the fairytale genre where good conquers over evil? On the other hand, has JK Rowling taken the

reviews

ry as we did, there was just no escaping from the wave of hysteria produced by the cinematic launch of the eagerly awaited Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone (conveniently released, along with all of its overprices merchandise, at Christmas).

Even the most determined fell victim to the bombardment of publicity, and snuck along to catch a glimpse. But was it worth it?

The storyline of Harry Potter mixes all the right ingredients to satisfy most appetites. The stereotypical portrayals of the scary teacher, evil relations and victimised child (Oliver Twist springs to mind when reading of Harry’s early life)

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rtreviews s

GRiP Arts event of the fortnight...

RED ALL ABOUT IT! IN THE RED WELSH COLLEGE OF MUSIC AND DRAMA

A

s a lover of both drama and music, particularly brass, I was impressed by the line-up and performance given in the college’s Bute Theatre.

The first half was a chance for the college to show off its wealth of talent in a repertoire of show tunes performed by its brass band. With pieces such as Richard Rogers’You’ll Never Walk Alone and a selection of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s music, an up-beat and precise performance was given, with a variety and richness of tone that is difficult to come by (as a brass player myself, I know!). However, this selection was but a preview to what could be looked forward to in the second half. And so to...

In the Red, a musical play, focusing on life on the breadline and its associated struggles, played on a vacant and desolate stage. The central roles of Will and Ruth Easton, played by Scott Fleming and Lucy Montgomery, were sympathetically portrayed, with a real sense of empathy for

their situation. There was great use of the minor characters, such as Will’s co-workers who provided some light relief to an essentially gritty story-line.

The choreography was well undertaken, giving the characters good interaction with each other and bringing the musical numbers to life.

However, I did feel that a better choice of play for these actors would have been more suitable. The play was essentially a snapshot of a time and place, giving them little scope for character development.

Both the musical and vocal talent were obviously in getting your teeth into a “The brass band gave an plentiful supply here and the plotline and getting involved in up- beat and precise intensity of acting drew you the characters’ minds, then I’m into their plight. However, after afraid you would be performance, with a variety all this, the play ended very disappointed! and richness of tone that is abruptly, with much Rachel Pegum difficult to come by” unexplained and unexplored.

Although this cannot be seen “Hello. I’m David Hasselhoff. I’m as a direct criticism of the an Artiste. Remember that performers as such, it did episode of Knight Rider were i detract from the overall played Micheal Knight and his evil appreciation of the play, as it was difficult to have anything twin at the same time? Now that’s greater than a basic talent. So if you share my love of understanding of what was theatre, music, visual arts, going to happen. poetry, German pop and other In short, it was a wonderful unclassifiable artistic genres, then opportunity to enjoy well come and write for the Arts performed music and song right on our doorstep. page. Good Knight.”

However, if like me you love

CAPSULE GALLERY

O

riel Capsule Gallery is the newest gallery in Cardiff. Its cool, upto the minute pop-art styles can be found at 39 Charles Street, which is the back road next to Marks n’ Sparks. The picture below is from Mark Cadwallader’s forthcoming

exhibition there (Nov 7thDec 7th). Mark is the latest in an ever expanding line of young Welsh artists making waves on the BritArt scene.

His deceptively simple style is also a good indication of the sort of thing you can find on Capsule’s walls.

BARBER’S HOT QUARTET

C

harlie Barber has been an original force on the Cardiff music scene for over twenty years. From his days with the New Arts Consort, through to the more recent Charlie Barber + Band, his work has been marked by a continual need to move forward and renew itself. His latest project, Afrodisiac, promoted by Sound Affairs, seen at the Coal Exchange in Cardiff on Thursday night, marked an important new phase in his work.

Taking over the whole space of the imposing Coal Exchange, Afrodisiac was, above all, a spectacular. Involving literally dozens of performers, it ranged through a bewildering but exhilarating mixture of dance, rap, breakdancing, hiphop turntabling, African and Afro-Latino and, of course, the sound of Barber’s own band, now whittled down to a tight eight-piece ensemble.

Creating a sense of unity from such

disparate influences with so many different performers sometimes felt like a Herculean task. But at the end of the day, it didn’t really matter. What came across most of all was a sense of everybody having a good time and a feeling of celebration and sheer enjoyment that one could do with more often in live performance.

Peter Reynolds

CHARLIE BARBER’S AFRODISIAC COAL EXCHANGE

19 BABES IN ARTS Babes In Arms New Theatre

T

he grandeur of the New Theatre set the scene for the extravagant musical Babes In Arms. The play hit off on a high, with the music starting off very upbeat and a comical display of just legs and feet. There was almost a circus atmosphere, as some of the performers did cameos, and there was a great fastpaced energy on stage.

However, the mood somewhat dipped, as the fun and games ended and the action of the play began with a series of (somewhat cringeworthy) American accents.

The bright, colourful costumes and the over-enthusiasm of the performers, along with the two dimensional characters, immediately informed the audience that this was going to be your typical ‘larger than life’ musical. The predictable storyline, which extended much beyond the realms of reality was very much conventional of those of most musicals.

There was a slightly dissapointing air of amateurism

amongst many of the performers but the two female leads however managed to give rise to the quality of the whole performance with their dazzling talent. Alexandra Jay who played the part of Billie Edwards, a streetwise chick, blew the audience away with her spine-tingling vocal talents.

Her previous West End experience in plays such as My Fair Lady and Cabaret shone through as did that of Alicia Davies who took on the role of Baby ‘Rose’ Owen, a primadonna whose fame was elicited at childhood. Just as the pace began to slow right down and the energy on stage was about to drop to an ultimate low, the sheer stage presence and energy that Baby Rose brought to the stage truly lifted the performance at that point, as it

GRiP SOUND AND VISION

did on all her appearances.

If it’s thought-provoking drama you want, this would not be the play to see. But with the great musical classics of such tunes as My Funny Valentine and of course Babes In Arms, along with the impressive set designs and glamourous costumes, this would be a night out which would definitely appeal to the average musical lover to indulge in a fair bit of cheese.

Natasha Mascarenhas

“Alexandra Jay blew the audience away with her spine-tingling vocal talents”.

THE WRITE STUFF Visiting Writers Humanities Building

A

rguably the most underrated Britsh artist of the 20th century, Themes and Variations is a timely retrospective of Dunvant born Richards. Marking his centenary in 2003, along with a new biography, it presents an fascinating and insightful anthology of the life of the artist at work.

Indeed, it’s rare to see such an intelligently curated exhibition, one so in tune with it’s subject. Concentrating on the musical and poetic themes which influenced Richards’ work, the retrospective is organised, like an aural composition, into three movements; setting his work into the immediate contexts of world events, domestic life and the landscapes which surrounded him. First movement, ‘Cycle of nature’, focusses on a recurring concern and takes as its departure point the words of Dylan Thomas: “The force that through the green fuse drives the flower”. Organic birth battles destruction in horrifically lush canvases, suggesting a fallout from WWII. Almost a precursor to Francis Bacon, it also recalls the religious, organic and poetic

I

Woody: Kicked in the balls by love

audience, are voyeurs, awkwardly trespassing on the characters’ most intimate moments, complicit in their treachery.

The one downside to this brilliant idea is the comedy is mostly lost. Closer, whilst dealing with the big stuff: love, pain, betrayal, more pain, is a funny play. But not here.

With the audience so fragmented and edgy, the funny stuff falls flat.

The acting was good,

although there were occasions when the actors were unconvincing. Too young and pretty, perhaps. But the whole production – music, set design and lighting – was professional.

Closer works because, like Marber says, “Everything is true but none of it happened.”

Some of the lines in this play get to the very core of what love is about. Of course, noone would ever really say, as Larry does, “Have you ever seen a heart?

It looks like a fist wrapped in blood.”

Marber takes raw emotion and finishes it with his own poetry, exposing the sexual politics behind the shouting, which is much more interesting.

And where does this leave love?

Woody Allen, at the end of his film Annie Hall, tells it like it is: "This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says: ‘Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken.’ And the doctor says: ‘Well, why don't you turn him in?’ And the guy says: ‘I would, but I need the eggs.’

Well, I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but, I guess we keep going through it because, most of us need the eggs." Andy Tate

Arts

n betweenthe peaks and troughs of love, are the familiarity and the habits which separate the initial sparks of a relationship from its explosive or withered finale.

In Closer, Patrick Marber disposes with the padding and focuses where the action lies – on the bliss and the havoc.

His powerful play presents four characters (a sex-obsessed doctor, a photographer, a novelist and a stripper) and their first and last meetings with each other, as they fall in and out of love.

In Toby Frow’s extraordinary production, with students of the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama, we witness this destruction at close range.

There are no seats in this performance. Instead, the small audience is led into a small room surrounded by the four walls of the set. We stand wondering what is going to happen next, until the lights dimmed and the two characters who open the play stride into the room, sending a couple of spectators scurrying to get out of the way.

Next scene, and we are forced to spin round to face a different corner of the room

where the actors have suddenly appeared. The action is never more than a few feet away, and the effect is quite astonishing.

Not only are we made to suffer physical discomfort but we have to endure an almost unbearably claustrophobic atmosphere in which we, the

reviews

effectively supported by Dannie Abse’s poetry readings, similarly dominated by nostalgia, memory and history.

His ‘Letter From Ogmore-bySea’ laments a forgotten age and begins with the line ‘Goodbye Twentieth Century’, the title of Abse’s recent autobiography.

Both poets’ touching works importantly express an important maxim for both writers and non-writers, that we must "thank memory or else we’d have no life".

Dr. Lauri Ramey, head of Creative Writing, commented that "poetry readings are a very personal way to enjoy the best in contemporary writing. The Creative Writing Department would like to welcome everyone to these reading sessions. Those interested should come see our next visiting writers, Michael Hulse and Peter Finch, who will be reading on Wednesday 27th November at 7.30pm in Room X1.03 of the Humanities Building. Alternatively, if anyone would like to get involved with reading their own creative writing, they are welcome to our next open mic session on Monday 11 November at 8pm, at the Toucan Club, St Marys St”.

Neil Blain

obsessions of Blake. Masterfully responding to Picasso and Matisse, Richards also explored Cubism, Abstraction and Surrealism.

‘Movement, Light and Colour’, deals in response to music, particularly Debussy, who is heard and sighted throughout and Richards personal hero, Beethoven, to whom he paid famous homage.

Depicting a warm and settled home life, these are also some of the most thoughtful treatments of music ever seen on canvas.

‘Music and Nature’ serves to draw previous themes together, featuring a series on the legend of the submerged cathedral at Ys, on the coast of Brittany, interptreted through Debussy.

Returning to the sea and coastline of his native Gower, Richards often uses paint as a material in itself, depicting the mythic submerged architecture, with the ever present rose window reflecting his circular themes.

Never embarrased to flag and explore his influences, Richards’ lifelong dedication to the flux between different artforms is inspirational.

Nick McDonald

UP CLOSER AND PERSONAL Closer by Patrick Marber Royal Welsh College of Music & Drama

D

annie Abse and Duncan Bush are both Welsh born poets, and are the latest readers in Cardiff University’s Visiting Writers season. After a brief welcopme

by Dr Lauri Ramey, Director of Creative Writing, there was an introduction by Will Atkins, fiction editor of Seren Books, one of the three co-sponsors of the event, along with ENCAP and The Welsh Academi.

Duncan Bush began with a selection of his poetry, including some from his collection, Masks (1994), which was a PBS Recommendation and Arts Council of Wales Book of the Year. Bush’s interest in the continent is displayed in poems about life in Romania, but more interesting are his nostalgic homage’s to his Uncle Charlie, an Ex-POW who eloquently recounts his history as he dies of cancer, and Old Prosser, a tramp with a colourful and touching history. Bush’s attempts to escape "from the weight of realism and reality" are

Ceri Richards - Themes and Variations: A Select Retrospective National Museum and Gallery

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gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com

GRiP

Monday 11 November ----->Friday 22 November Four hours a week? Pah! Tune in here for your proper timetable, an essential guide to the next 12 days’ mostly non-essential viewing.

Weekone

Oh my days! Awesome scenes! And other phrases noone ever actually says! The God-like wonders who control ITV have deigned to favour us with Grease (ITV1, Sunday 17 November, 5.35pm), the greatest piece of tack ever created and forerunner of Dawson’s Creek’s policy of employing saggy-faced 35year-olds to play fresh-faced teenagers.

If you don’t know the plot then you’re a dullard, but here it is for your delectation: Bumchinned John Travolta plays Danny, a bad boy with a kicking leather jacket and a car to shag the birds in. Olivia Newton-John is the virginal Sandra Dee, who lusts hopelessly after Danny. Cue lots of utterly nonsensical songs (which you’ll no doubt

remember from the classy Disco Megamix that did the rounds at early 90’s youth clubs), lustful looks, girls drinking gin in their pyjamas and some cracking dance routines. Not to mention the great, big, fuck-off, all-singin’, all-dancin’ joyous finale that will make you grin your head off for at least three hours after. But just what the fuck was that flying car all about?

Oh, praise be to Channel Five (or just five as they’re somewhat pretentiously known these days) for their impeccable programming taste. For The History of SelfPleasure (five, Monday 18 November, 11.40pm) is a programme only they could do.

And God bless them for it - I know that my life has been imporverished until now for not knowing about Roman masturbatory aids or “the medicalisation of onanism”. But I must say I’m rather disappointed by their attempt to sound all Channel 4-esque with the title. A History of Self-

Pleasure? Feh. Why not just call it People Have Always Had a Shifty Fiddle With Their Dirtyparts When No-One’s Looking and have done with it.

Sex, sex, sex. It’s pretty much everywhere and pretty much everyone’s doing it (‘Except me’ - Sexually Frustrated Desk), and even ITV have decided to launch the biggest ever live sex survey, cunningly called Am I Good in Bed? (ITV1, Tuesday 19 November, 10.30pm). If that doesn’t get every single sexually anxious man and woman in the country watching this, I don’t know what will. But surely, this survey, while mildly entertaining, is utterly pointless.

How do you measure what’s good or bad? Surely it’s (quite literally) different strokes for different folks? Or have ITV compiled a jury of sexperts hungrily waiting to pass definitive shagging judgement on the country’s lovers and lotharios? You’re just going to have to watch to find out.

Meanwhile, TV Desk is convinced that Alastair Campbell would be the best lay in this entire country. And

(029) 2022 9977 62 CRWYS ROAD, CARDIFF

even help their cause by playing Yorkie rather than the eternally shite Ostenstad. Celtic supporting Nick reckons the Bhoys will hang on for another 1-0, as well as revealing the merits of Celtic’s 3-5-2 system.

Brave words indeed, young man. Two words to the contrary: Chris Sutton.

Hey! What happened to my Friday nights in? It’s usually the one bearable TV evening - but no, not this week, as some charity shit has shoved everything away. TV Desk can only recommend Newsnight Review (BBC2, Friday 15 November, 11pm). It’s unashamedly intellectual, but there’s nowt wrong with that: remember, the people who sneer at cleverness are generally thick as pigshit (or to introduce some new slang, ‘thick as Jadeshit’). Quite frankly, it’s a comfort to know that there’s some respite from the banality of most other programmes around - and Germaine Greer is a true legend.

From the sublime to the sickening: whoever came up with the concept of Songs of Bond (ITV1, Saturday 16 November, 9.15pm) deserves nothing less than exquisite, agonising, torturous death. In short, it’s an evening over the course of which those classic Bond themes we’ve all grown up with will be mauled by talentless pikeys such as Moronic Shitten, Samantha Mumba, Russell Watson and Lulu. Whatever possessed anyone to believe that replacing the camp grandeur of Shirley Bassey could be surpassed by a severely limited populist tenor who makes classical music for people who don’t understand classical music? Cnuts!

we can’t wait to find out.

To herald that not-entirelywelcome return of Celebrity Big Brother (S4C, Wednesday 20 November, 9pm), we have a TV DESK EXCLUSIVE!!!! Well kinda.

After a daring escapade into the BBC headquarters in search of the Holy Grail of TV secrets, ‘who is on this year’s Celeb Big Bro?’, we can exclusively reveal that none other than daytime TV beaverface Ester Rantzen is one of those desperately fame-hungry enough to have agreed.

Unfortunately, having stopped off to plant copies of Hustler in the Blue Peter time capsule, I failed to note down any other names, but if my photographic memory serves me well Esther will be joined by Method Man, Bernard Manning, Boy George and Keith Chegwin. You heard it here first.

Says here that Germaine Greer will be the guest

compère for Have I Got News For You (Friday 22 November, BBC1, 9.30pm), which is excellent news, for she is wonderful. Long-term is where it’s at, though, and we must all pray that Johnny Vaughan doesn’t get the job vacated by the sorely-missed Angus (that said, it’s never good when Christine Hamilton can take the piss out of you).

Jeremy Vine and Daisy Donovan are TV Desk’s hopes, though. Mmm.

two

Television

Tuesday 12 November, 11.40pm), an erotic how-to show stuffed (oo-er!) with dildos, dangly bits and dirty dawgs doing it doggy-style.

And pretend vaginas, complete with squirting action in true Annie Sprinkle style. Niiiiice. Ahem. Actually, it’s a funny and informative programme about how to improve your sex life, in which previously unadventurous couples are introduced to the delights of, amongst other things, bondage, sex toys and dirty talk. This week, two women learn the art of dirty dancing to improve their confidence and spice up their dull-asdishwater sex lives. Girls, sit your boyfriends down with a notepad and a beer and tell them to make notes. It’s the only way they’ll learn.

Bargain Hunt Live (BBC1, Wednesday 13 November,

Call for the latest student deals

pickings

We’re back again, and much to our surprise, our asses haven’t been sued raw following our vaguely offensive comments about John Leslie. Shame. We love a bit of legal action.

Let the picking commence!

I’m Alan Partridge (BBC2, Monday 11 November, 10pm) The Office may be gone (though not forgotten) but we have a more than ample comedy god filling its gaping slot.

Step forward Coogan in the guise of Partridge, Norwich’s premier entertainer (‘behind Iwan Roberts’ - Sarky Sports Desk). My only news on the new series is that Alan now lives on a caravan park and he has a mail order Thai bride. Poor Alan...

Kicking off a fairly smutty TV fortnight (that’s the way we like it, though), is More Sex Tips for Girls (S4C,

8.30pm): Step forward daytime TV demi-god David Dickinson and take your place on the primetime stage. He may have the kind of tan modelled on the victims of Hiroshima, but make no bones about it, this man is a legend. If Bowie was the tall thin Duke then our David is the doddery tango’d Prince.

See the irony shining from the contestant’s eyes, the cheesy innuendoes that spill forth from the perma-tanned man’s mouth. Make no mistake, this is essential viewing. And there’s nothing else on.

(Psst. Ignore her. She’s mad. Alastair Campbell... now there’s someone to get excited about. Yum!) Blackburn v Celtic, UEFA Cup (BBC2 then BBC1, Thursday 14 November, 7.30pm): Apparently Blackburn pissed all over Celtic in the first leg, only to go down disappointing late in the day 1-0. But now, Ewood Park is the venue and it could be a different story. The Rovers might

STAYING IN TONIGHT?

elevision

GRiP

22

gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com

Monday 11 November BBC 1

BBC 2

ITV 1

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Two Minutes' Silence; Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 CBeebies 3.45 CBBC 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 X-Ray 7.30 Holiday 8.00 EastEnders Peggy is left on edge when she finds an unexpected item in Louise's baby bag. Laura gets carried away at Tom's wake.

Jamie gets a nasty surprise at the Arches. A triple fnarr-fest today courtesy of the kind scriptwriters at Easties. Bless ‘em, awlriiight?

8.30 Bargain Hunt Live: Children in Need 9.00 The Project 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 The Project 11.30 First Degree 12.00 Film 2002 with Jonathan Ross 12.30 Anna Nicole Smith - A Profile 1.05 FILM: Murder at Devil's Glen 2.30 Joins BBC News 24

6.00 Open University: A School for Our Times? 6.30 Open Advice - Study to Succeed 7.00 CBBC 9.00 CBeebies 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 CBeebies 1.10 A River Somewhere 1.40 FILM: Doctor in Distress 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Regional News 3.30 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 6.45 Farscape 7.30 Rough Science 8.00 University Challenge 8.30 What the Stuarts Did for Us: Newe Worldes 9.00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks Featuring Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. *scream* 9.30 tlc 10.00 I'm Alan Partridge Oh glory, glory and praise be to the God of Comedy (that’s Eddie Izzard, in case you’re wondering).

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Network East Late 12.00 Back to the Floor 12.30 BBC Learning Zone: Open University: Ever Wondered?

12.45 Personal Passions 1.00 Ever Wondered? 1.30 Art: A Question of Style 2.00 Secondary Schools: Languages: Isabel 4.00 Languages: Buongiorno Italia 13 & 14/French on a Plate: Brittany 5.00 Skillswise: New Ways of Learning

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 Bric a Brac 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News and Weather 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Hilltop Hospital 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 Fingertips 4.05 As Told by Ginger 4.35 My Parents Are Aliens 5.05 Popstars: The Rivals Extra 5.30 Nuts and Bolts 6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald Another ground-breaking investigation. This week: the astounding news that knives are dangerous.

8.30 Coronation Street 9.00 Stan the Man 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 Real Life: Fighting for Danny 11.30 The Premiership on Monday 12.30 Champions League Weekly 12.55 Nationwide Football League Extra 1.35 Today with Des and Mel 2.25 The New Addams Family 2.50 The Web Review 3.15 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 3.40 Entertainment Now! 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

BBC 1

BBC 2

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 CBeebies: Fimbles 3.45 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Mona the Vampire 4.15 The Cramp Twins 4.30 Viva S Club 4.55 Lame Academy 5.00 SMart 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Lame Academy 7.30 EastEnders 8.00 Bargain Hunt Live 8.30 Holby City 9.30 Linda Green 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News 10.35 Week In, Week Out 11.05 Cable TV Guests include Keith “Cheggers” and music from 80’s monstrosities Asia.

11.35 Fame Academy 12.05 FILM: The Morrison Murders The Mark Morrison story. Awesome community service dodging scenes.

1.40 Fame, Set and Match

Great Britons: Elizabeth I BBC2 9.00pm

6.30 Modem Monks 7.00 Rotten Ralph 7.10 CBBC 9.10 CBeebies 12.10 You're the Boss 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Teletubbies Everywhere 1.10 Yoho Ahoy 1.15 A River Somewhere 1.45 FILM: The Destructors 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Regional News 3.30 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link USA 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 TOTP 2 6.45 Star Trek 7.30 War Walks 8.00 SAS: Are You Tough Enough?

9.00 Great Britons: Elizabeth I Presented by (said with utter contempt), Michael Portillo. She would have strung botty boys like you up, slug-face.

10.00 The Entertainers 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Great Britons 12.10 The Witness 12.20 48 Preludes and Fugues 12.30 Civil War 1.00 Bringing Home the Bacon 1.30 Women of Northern Ireland Secondary Schools: Languages: Susanne 4.00 Languages 5.00 Skillswise: Workplace Skills

Eastenders BBC1 8.00pm

S4C

five

6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Happy Days 9.30 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Don Roaming 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Rhacsyn a'r Goeden Hud 12.50 Planed Plant Bach: Sionyn 12.55 Planed Plant Bach: Joshua Jones 1.05 Planed Plant Bach: Anturiaethau Smot y Ci 1.15 Pet Rescue 1.45 Demolition Detectives 2.45 Fifteen to One 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant: Wali Wags 4.15 Planed Plant: Mali O 4.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Xtra 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Y Byd ar Bedwar 8.30 Hwylio 9.00 Welsh in a Week 9.30 Sgorio 10.35 V Graham Norton 11.05 Faking It 12.05 Fame and Fashion: Inside Versace 1.05 Today at the Test: Australia v England 1.35 The Sopranos 2.40 The Sopranos 4.00 Schools

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.50 Animal Antics 6.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: Mr Wrong 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 Afghan Massacre 8.30 5th Gear 9.00 FILM: The Negotiator 11.40 House of Astonishment Extreme lack of motivation forces TV Amy and TV Steve to play swivel chair sumo. Don’t ask.

12.15 NFL Update 12.50 USPGA Golf: The Senior Slam 1.40 NASCAR: Basahas 200 2.30 Thoroughbred Grand Prix 3.20 Motorsport Mundial 3.45 Argentinian Football: Boca Juniors v Huracan 5.15 Argentinian Football Highlights

ITV 1

S4C

five

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 Shortland Street 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News and Weather 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Construction Site 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 Sooty 4.05 MaryKate and Ashley in Action! 4.35 Clueless 5.05 The Crocodile Hunter 5.30 Family Fortunes 6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Champions League Live: Basle v Liverpool 9.50 The Frank Skinner Show 10.40 ITV News at Ten 11.10 Champions League Arsenal v PSV Eindhoven and Basle v Liverpool.

12.10 The Tube: 20 Years On 12.40 Strictly Soho 1.05 The Machine 1.30 Champions League: Arsenal v PSV Eindhoven 3.10 World Sport 3.35 Nationwide Football League Extra 4.15 ITV Nightscreen I remember when TV had good quality programs on, like ALF (which stood for Annoying Little Fucker), Dougie Howzer MD (The forefather of Dawson’s Creek, being its chief crime) and Bigfoot and the Hendersons. Happy days..

6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Happy Days 9.30 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Tecwyn y Tractor 12.45 Planed Plant Bach: Sam Tan 1.00 Planed Plant Bach: Caio 1.15 Pet Rescue 1.45 The Day the Earth Was Born 2.45 Fifteen to One 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant: Ty Gwenno 4.30 Planed Plant: Labordy 5-4-3-2-1 4.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Xtra Drama 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Dudley 8.30 Yr Helfa 9.00 Jamie's Kitchen 10.00 Treflan 11.10 V Graham Norton 11.40 More Sex Tips for Girls Essential viewing. How to strap a rubber wang on your chin was last week though, and it’s hard to see how they can top that.

12.10 Scrubs 12.40 Money Can't Buy You Love 1.40 Frasier 2.05 Africa Unmasked 3.05 The Art Show - the A-Z of Now This fortnight, TV Desk loves: Alastair Campbell (that’s Alex’s choice, the sick motherfucker), the new Missy Elliott single (yrr-rrflibby-dib-rab-a-rrr), computers that work (as ever), John Parish’s...

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.50 Animal Antics 6.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: Danielle Steel's Secrets 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 FILM: City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold Anything with Billy Crystal in has got to be ace. List of good Billy Crystal films, 1- Spinal Tap. 2- .... 3-....

10.10 Animal Tragic Rolf Harris faces a colonic transplant in a vet’s surgery. A heart-rending and touching story.

11.10 Law and Order 12.10 Denver v Oakland Raiders 3.55 Race to the Sky 4.45 Rally UK 5.10 European Drag Racing Championship ...new album, ‘How Animals Move’ - particularly Airplane Blues with Polly Harvey, a wretched sounding version of a wartime song. Fucking classic.

Tuesday 12 November

23

gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com

GRiP

Wednesday 13 November BBC 2

ITV 1

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 State Opening of Parliament 2002 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 Fimbles 3.45 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Mona the Vampire 4.15 The Cramp Twins 4.30 Stacey Stone 4.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Watchdog 7.30 Best Inventions 7.55 The National Lottery 8.00 Animal Hospital Including a cat with its head stuck in a tin of dog food. Reminiscent of my Saturday night. Think, it works on many levels...

8.30 Bargain Hunt Live 9.00 Human Instinct 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News 10.35 FILM: Raw Deal Arnie plays a Russian copper to James (the lesser Belushi) Belushi’s wisecraking Yankie twat. A flurry of comedy and outdated stereotypes insues..

12.20 Antiques Roadshow 1.05 Watchdog 1.35 Human Instinct 2.35 A Life of Grime Special 3.35 SAS: Are You Tough Enough?

7.00 Rotten Ralph 7.10 Smurfs' Adventures 7.35 The Woody Woodpecker Show 8.00 Lame Academy 8.05 Ace Lightning 8.30 Round the Twist 9.00 Teletubbies Everywhere 9.10 Fimbles 9.30 64 Zoo Lane 9.40 The Story Makers 10.00 Tweenies 10.20 Teletubbies 10.50 Made in Wales 11.05 Numbertime 11.20 Words and Pictures Plus 11.35 What?

Where? When? Why? 11.50 Cats' Eyes 12.05 Hands Up! 12.20 Maths Challenge 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Teletubbies Everywhere 1.10 FILM: The Care and Handling of Roses 2.40 Assembly Live 3.50 BBC News 3.55 Regional News 4.00 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 TOTP 2 6.45 Star Trek 7.30 Black Market Britain 8.00 The Life Laundry 8.30 What Not to Wear 9.00 Ford... and Me 9.50 Babyfather 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Queen's Speech Broadcast by the Labour Party 11.25 The Great Britons Collection 12.05 Despatch Box 12.30 Renaissance Secrets 1.00 Driving while Black 1.30 Cities in a Hurry 2.00 Languages: Le Cafe des Reves

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 Shortland Street 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News and Weather 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Engie Benjy 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 The Quick Trick Show 4.05 SpongeBob SquarePants 4.35 Sabrina, the Teenage Witch 5.05 The Crocodile Hunter 5.30 Family Fortunes 6.00 HTV News 6.25 Queen's Speech Broadcast by the Labour Party 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 The Bill 9.00 Beware - Shoplifters 2002 Hollywood totty to feature highly perhaps. Free the pixie!

10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 Mr Right 11.30 Champions League Feyenoord v Newcastle and Manchester United v Bayer Leverkusen.

12.30 FILM: Manhattan Woody Allen. 2.05 Champions League: Manchester United v Bayer Leverkusen 3.45 International Motor Racing 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

BBC 1

BBC 2

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 CBeebies: Fimbles 3.45 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 The Mummy 4.25 Looney Tunes 4.30 Call the Shots 4.55 Fame Academy 5.00 SMart 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Lame Academy 7.30 EastEnders 8.00 Bargain Hunt Live 8.40 Match of the Day Live: Blackburn Rovers v Celtic. Cue DC singing “We are the Billy Boys” to annoy Nick. Even the GR office isn’t safe from sectarian violence. Shocking.

10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News 10.35 Question Time 11.35 Dragon's Eye 12.10 FILM: Rules of Obsession 1.45 Sign Zone: The Life Laundry

8.05 Blue Peter 8.30 Round the Twist 9.00 Teletubbies Everywhere 9.10 Fimbles 9.30 Andy Pandy 9.40 The Story Makers 10.00 Tweenies 10.20 Teletubbies 10.50 Megamaths 11.10 Spywatch 11.30 Science Zone 11.50 Speak for Yourself 12.10 BBC Primary History 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Teletubbies Everywhere 1.10 FILM: Blood on the Sun 2.40 Westminster Live 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Regional News 3.30 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link USA 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7.00 Magic Islands 7.30 Match of the Day Live: Blackburn Rovers v Celtic 8.40 Gary Rhodes: The Cookery Year Bog-brush head.

9.10 Horizon 10.00 The Entertainers 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Queen's Speech Broadcast by the Conservative Party 11.25 America's Cup 12.05 Despatch Box 12.30 The Signature of Life 1.05 Lab Detectives 1.25 The Next Big Thing

Blackburn Rovers v Celtic BBC1 8.40pm

S4C

five

6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Binca 12.35 Planed Plant Bach: Migmas 12.55 Planed Plant Bach: ABC 1.15 Pet Rescue 1.45 Scrapheap Challenge 2.45 Fifteen to One 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant: Torri Bol 4.15 Planed Plant: 13'30` Munud o Enwogrwydd 4.40 Sgorio Bach 4.50 Ffeil 5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Nofel T 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Darllediad Gwleidyddol gan y Blaid Lafur 7.35 Newyddion 8.05 Ar y Bocs 8.35 Ffermio 9.05 Property Ladder 10.05 From House to Home 10.35 Brookside 11.10 V Graham Norton 11.40 A Party Political Broadcast by the Labour Party 11.45 Ally McBeal 12.40 Sex and the City 1.15 Will and Grace 1.40 Derren Brown Mind Control 2 2.40 FILM: Solva Saal

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.50 Animal Antics 6.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.50 FILM: Duggan: Sins of the Father 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 House Doctor 8.30 Hot Property 9.00 FILM: Metro Eddie Murphy’s top 5 films as decided by the GR office: 1- Shrek; 2- Beverly Hills Cop; 3- Beverly Hills Cop 2; 4- Mulan; 5- .......

11.15 California Escorts 11.50 Live with... Chris Moyles 12.20 La Femme Nikita 1.05 NHL Ice Hockey: Washington Capitals v Dallas Stars 4.45 Ironman Triathlon: Lake Placid 5.35 Fastrax

ITV 1

S4C

five

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 Presenters Revisited 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Construction Site 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius 4.15 Out There 4.30 Harry and the Wrinklies 5.05 The Crocodile Hunter 5.30 Family Fortunes 6.00 HTV News 6.25 Queen's Speech Broadcast by the Conservative Party 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Wales this Week 8.00 The Bill 9.00 Wire in the Blood Wee in the blood? Shepherd’s pie in the morning...

10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 The Ferret 11.00 Crime Secrets 11.30 North Wales Music Festival 12.00 Barry Welsh is Coming Run for cover! Sticky-white-love-piss everywhere!

12.30 Night and Day 1.25 ITV at the Festivals 2002 2.20 Mixmasters 2.45 Eagle-Eye Cherry in Profile 3.10 Cybernet 3.35 Popped in, Crashed Out 4.00 Get Stuffed 4.10 ITV Nightscreen

6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Bwmp 12.40 Planed Plant Bach: Gwib 12.45 Planed Plant Bach: Bryn Seren 12.55 Planed Plant Bach: Criw Babalw 1.05 Planed Plant Bach: Wil Cwac Cwac 1.15 Pet Rescue 1.45 Don Roaming 2.15 The English Church 2.45 Fifteen to One 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant: Noc Noc 4.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Dudley 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Darllediad Gwleidyddol gan y Blaid Geidwadol 7.35 Newyddion 8.05 Haf Ganol Gaeaf 8.35 Naw Tan Naw 9.05 Llafur Gwlad 10.05 Brookside 10.35 Slaymaker Documentary on 80’s Nazi thrash-metal cunters, Slayer. Alex, do you like Judas Priest? Men in leather Alex...”No”comes the curt reply.

11.10 V Graham Norton 11.40 Party Political Broadcast by the Conservative Party 11.45 Jackass How much longer can a man being hit in the bollocks still be funny for? FOREVER...

12.10 Model Behaviour 12.40 Alias 1.30 FILM: American Pimp 3.05 ALT-TV: Ginger Nation 3.35 Secret History

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.50 Animal Antics 6.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 UEFA Cup Football: Hapoel Tel Aviv v Leeds United 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Evans, sorry, Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 FILM: Sleepless in Seattle 10.00 FILM: Under Pressure Starring Vanilla Ice’s DJ. 11.50 Jonathan Pearce's Football Night 12.30 UEFA Cup Football: Hapoel Tel Aviv v Leeds United 2.10 Dutch Football: PSV Eindhoven v Heerenveen 3.45 Argentinian Football Just seen that Enoch Powell is knocking about on the list for this Great Britons nonsense. I think I’ll enter a few votes for Justin Fashanu just to even it out a bit. And where’s George Formby? What about Arthur Scargill? Barbara Windsor?

Ronnie Kray? Ronnie Corbett?

Snorbitz the Dog?

Thursday 14 November

Television

BBC 1

Beware Shoplifters 2002 ITV1 9.00pm

Television

GRiP

24

gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com

Friday 15 November BBC 1

BBC 2

ITV 1

6.00 Breakfast: Children in Need 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 News 1.30 Regional News 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 Fimbles 3.45 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Mona the Vampire 4.15 The Basil Brush Show 4.45 Rugrats 4.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Children in Need 2002 Including music from Will Young, and performances from H and Claire and 3SL. I thought this was meant to help children.

10.00 News 10.30 Regional News 10.40 Children in Need 2002 The fundraising continues with the cast of EastEnders paying tribute to Michael Jackson's Thriller. Oh dear God. It may be for charity, but there is no excuse at all for this barrage of unutterably common banality. Surely the aim is to improve society, not to drag it down? 2.05 FILM: Up the Front Fnarr just for the title! 3.30 Joins BBC News 24 And for over six hours of inordinately enthusiastic, gormlessly grinning crap we’ve been denied any quality television on this channel tonight. Bah.

6.00 Open University: Asteroid Hunters 6.30 Management in Chinese Cultures 7.00 CBBC 9.00 CBeebies 1.15 FILM: MacArthur 3.20 News 3.25 Regional News 3.30 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 6.45 Robot Wars: The Sixth Wars 7.30 Top of the Pops 8.00 Hidden Gardens 8.30 Gardeners' World 9.00 Great Britons: Newton 10.00 Queen's Speech Broadcast by Plaid Cymru - The Party of Wales 10.05 The Likely Lads 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Fresh off the exciting Guardian Student Media Conference, TV Desk can now officially declare Alastair Campbell its New Crush. The man is a sex god, especially when moody. *swoon* Perfectly-formed torso, lustrous mane of hair... 11.35 Queen's Speech Broadcast by the Liberal Democrats 11.40 Later with Jools Holland Guests include Craig David, the Streets and Richard Ashcroft. Respectively: supremely irritating r’n’b-lite, superb urban garage poetry, mad and pointless stoner type. 12.40 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 1.20 FILM: The Cool and the Crazy 3.00 BBC Learning Zone

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 News 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 News 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Hilltop Hospital 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 Art Attack 4.05 As Told by Ginger 4.35 Sabrina, the Teenage Witch 5.05 Popstars: The Rivals Extra 5.30 Nuts and Bolts 6.00 HTV News 6.25 Queen's Speech Broadcast by the Liberal Democrats 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale Edna continues her crusade against the wheelie bins. Good to see surrealism is alive and well.

7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Britain's Most Popular Diet 8.25 Celebrity Fit Club After Rik Waller's return, tension builds between him and trainer, Harvey.

Aaargh, bad images, bad images...

8.55 FILM: Executive Decision Anti-terrorist American jingoism.

Needless to say, crap. 11.15 News 11.45 The Pop Factory 12.15 Harry Hill's TV Burp 12.45 Diala-Date 1.15 FILM: Kickboxer III: The Art of War 2.55 Entertainment Now! 3.20 Today with Des and Mel 4.15 World Football 4.40 Britain's Most Popular Diet 5.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News Big up this week to Michel Houellebecq and Ayaan Hirsi Ali.

BBC 1

BBC 2

6.00 CBBC 9.00 The Saturday Show 12.00 News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Grandstand 1.10 World Triathlon 1.50 Rugby Union: Scotland v South Africa Go Scotland! 4.40 Wales on Saturday 5.25 Rugby Union: England v Australia 6.20 News 6.35 Wales Today 6.45 Only Fools and Horses 7.35 The National Lottery: Jet Set 8.10 Casualty 9.00 The Robbie Williams Show 10.00 News 10.20 Parkinson Michael Parkinson talks to Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry and jazz and soul singer Natalie Cole. Ooh, none are too bad this week, Berry histrionics notwithstanding. 11.25 Best of British A celebration of the career of Roger Moore. Which consisted mostly of being a 78th-rate Sean Connery. 12.10 Match of the Day 1.10 FILM: Damnation Alley 2.45 Top of the Pops 3.15 Joins BBC News 24 On TV Desk’s shitlist this week: Venus and Serena Williams, who are endorsing McDonald’s and appearing in their adverts. Because that’s a consistent message: “Hey, kids, become like two of the greatest athletes on the planet by stuffing yourself with junk food!”

6.00 Weekend 24 9.00 News 9.10 HARDtalk 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Kitchen Invaders 12.00 See Hear on Saturday 12.45 The Sky at Night 1.05 Afoot Again in the Past 1.15 Around the World in 80 Days 2.05 Challenge: Meetings with Remarkable Trees Presumably presented by Prince Charles. 2.15 Flog It! 3.15 Ice Age Survivors 3.25 Ironside 4.15 Scrum V Live 6.30 What the Papers Say Miranda Sawyer of the Observer reviews this week's news. Ah, that woman is gorgeous.

6.40 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em Truly dreadful ‘comedy’.

7.10 Durham Cathedral: Britain's Best Buildings 8.00 A History of Britain by Simon Schama: Forces of Nature 9.00 Fame, Set and Match 10.00 The Entertainers 10.55 FILM: Dog Day Afternoon 12.55 FILM: Repulsion Atmospheric chiller about a young manicurist, whose sexual neuroses trigger a withdrawal into a nightmarish world of hallucinations when she is left alone in a Paris flat.

As she is overcome by her fears, she loses all sense of reality, lashing out at her unfortunate visitors. Sounds amazing. 3.00 BBC Learning Zone

Parkinson BBC1 10.20pm

MTV Europe Music Awards S4C 11.45pm

S4C

five

6.05 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant 1.00 Channel 4 attheraces 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant 5.00 Richard and Judy 5.55 Party Political Broadcast by Plaid Cymru 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Y Rhagalen Wirion Na 6.55 Pobol y Cwm 7.25 Darllediad Gwleidyddol 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Darllediad Gwleidyddol 8.05 Da 'Di Dil 'De 8.35 Cefn Gwlad 9.05 World Rally: Great Britain 9.35 Friends 10.05 Brookside 10.40 The Osbournes 11.10 V Graham Norton 11.40 Party Political Broadcast by the Liberal Democrats 11.45 MTV Europe Music Awards 2002 Presented by P Diddy, with performances from Robbie Williams, Coldplay and Whitney Houston. P Diddy MUST DIE. 1.55 Model Behaviour 2.25 Feeder 2.40 Ferrari Maserati Festival 2002 3.05 Brazilian Championship Football

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.50 Animal Antics 6.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: Quincy: The Thighbone's Connected to the Kneebone 5.00 Wild Tales: Ed the Baby Elephant 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 Mapping Murder: Marauders and Commuters 8.30 Britain's Worst Driver 9.00 A Mind to Kill 11.00 FILM: Wildflower 12.45 FILM: Meeting Venus 2.40 FILM: Russ Meyer's Cherry, Harry and Raquel Russ Meyer film, with screenplay by Tom Wolfe. Eh? 3.50 Russell Grant's Postcards 4.00 Monsters 4.20 Riptide 5.10 Sons and Daughters

ITV 1

S4C

five

6.00 GMTV 9.25 SMTV Live 11.30 CD:UK 12.30 The Bond Essentials 1.00 News 1.10 On the Ball 2.05 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 3.00 The Goal Rush 5.05 News 5.35 Record of the Year 2002: The Final Countdown What are the office’s singles of the year so far? ‘Liam Lynch - United States Of Whatever’ - the beautiful and alluring TV Amy (she typed that); ‘Coldplay - The Scientist’ News Desk; ‘O**** - Little By Little’ - Bereft-Of-Taste Sports Desk; ‘Queens Of the Stone Age No One Knows’ - TV Steve (good choice); ‘Seafood - Cloaking’ - Our Deputy Tristan, after much research. I’m going for Alizée’s ‘Moi Lolita’. You just can’t beat French nymphets and their pervy, provocative pop.

6.00 Blind Date 7.00 Popstars: The Rivals 8.05 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

9.00 Popstars: The Rivals Live Result 9.15 Songs of Bond 10.15 News 10.30 The Premiership 12.00 Harry Hill's TV Burp 12.30 The Frank Skinner Show 1.15 The District 2.00 Britpop Forever Surely akin to calling a programme ‘Dinosaurs Forever’. 2.55 CD:UK 3.45 Dial-a-Date 4.10 Entertainment Now! 4.40 Cybernet 5.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.10 The Hoobs 7.00 British Adventure Racing Championships 7.30 ICC Cricket World 8.00 Trans World Sport 9.00 The Morning Line 10.00 Sport Talk 11.00 The Red Bull Soapbox Derby 11.30 Totally Board in Marseille 12.00 Futurama 12.55 Cheers 1.25 Channel 4 attheraces 4.10 Y Clwb Rygbi Rhyngwladol: Cymru v Canada 6.15 Xtra Omnibws 7.15 Newyddion 7.30 Twrio 8.30 Noson Lawen 9.30 Naw Tan Naw 10.00 World Rally: Great Britain 11.05 Status Quo: Rock On and On 12.25 Angel Your paper needs you! Help gair rhydd campaign to organise a jailbreak to free Winona Ryder! Such a beautiful, talented woman doesn’t deserve to be left at the mercy of the scary lesbians who frequent America’s prisons.

1.15 Model Behaviour Late Night 2.15 Late-Night Poker Debate rages as to whether the girl who plays Hermione Granger is attractive or not. Well, it’s only really Paedo Desk who says she is.

3.10 FILM: The Dead Zone Let’s play Kill/Shag/Marry. Tony Blair, Peter Mandelson, Sex God Alastair Campbell. TV Desk would kill Slimy Tone, shag Mandy and marry the delectable Alastair.

6.00 Russell Grant's Postcards 6.10 Fit for the Wild 6.35 Fit for the Wild 7.00 Sunrise 7.55 Shake!

8.00 Gadget and the Gadgetinis 8.30 Beyblade 8.55 Dan Dare 9.30 Xcalibur 10.00 Max Steel 10.30 Hercules: the Legendary Journeys 11.25 The Adventures of Sinbad 12.20 The Edit 12.55 Popular 1.50 Harry and Cosh 2.20 Cleopatra 2525 2.50 Pop 3.20 Home and Away Omnibus 5.25 FILM: Tower of Terror 7.00 Charmed 7.50 Dark Angel 8.40 five news and sport 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.55 Law and Order 10.55 The Shield Office Legend of the week: Joe, for tracking down the pizza so ably. We love you. 11.55 FILM: A Thin Line between Love and Hate Wiser words were never spoken. 1.45 FILM: The Miracle Bullshit Christian propaganda. 3.45 Monsters 4.05 Monsters 4.25 First Wave This Issue’s Soundtrack: Beth Gibbons & Rustin Man, Out Of Season; Gonzales, Presidential Suite; Saul Williams, Amethyst Rockstar; half a Diamanda Galás song (until the first protracted screech - ‘it’s like Nina Simone in The Exorcist!’ TV Amy); Tori Amos, Scarlet’s Walk; Nick Drake, Bryter Layter.

5.10 Sons and Daughters

Saturday 16 November

25

gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com

GRiP

Sunday 17 November BBC 2

ITV 1

6.00 Breakfast 8.00 Match of the Day 9.00 Breakfast with Frost 10.00 The Heaven and Earth Show 11.00 TV Mail 11.30 Countryfile 12.00 On the Record 12.50 Match of the Day Live: Forest Green Rovers v Exeter City 3.10 EastEnders 4.35 My Family 5.05 Points of View 5.15 BBC News; Weather 5.40 Songs of Praise 6.15 Antiques Roadshow 7.00 Rolf on Art 7.30 Ground Force Revisits 8.00 Born to Be Wild: Giraffes on the Move 9.00 Fame Academy Live 10.00 BBC News; Weather 10.15 Panorama: How Safe is Your Pension?

10.55 FILM: Judge Dredd Hmm. Syvester Stallone with a big gun. Original! But the men in the office seem to like it: “Better than all the comics put together” Blagging’s Harv. “Fucking yeah!” A rather over-enthusiastic Sports Desk.

12.30 FILM: Critical Choices Kebab or Shag? Shag or Kebab?

Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt? Coffee or Tea? War or Peace? Courtney or Kurt? Sausage and brown sauce or bacon and ketchup? Ant or Dec? Critical choices indeed. How will you decide?

1.55 Joins BBC News 24

7.00 CBBC: Arthur 7.10 Yvon of the Yukon 7.35 Looney Tunes 8.05 The Wild Thornberrys 8.30 Smile 11.15 Dr Quinn: Medicine Woman 12.00 Gardeners' World 12.30 Wildlife on Two 1.00 homeground 1.30 Sunday Grandstand 1.35 Racing from Haydock Park 1.50 America's Cup Update 2.00 Racing from Haydock Park 2.50 Rugby Union: Ireland v Fiji 4.50 Rugby League Highlights: Great Britain v New Zealand 5.45 Wild Dog Hunt 5.55 Big Cat Diary 6.25 Natural World: Death Trap 7.15 Scrum V 8.00 Top Gear 9.00 The American Taleban 10.00 Band of Brothers 11.00 Correspondent: Who Am I? 11.45 The X Files 12.25 Later with Jools Holland 2.00 BBC Learning Zone: Exam Revision: GCSE Bitesize Revision: Maths 1 4.00 Languages: The French Connection 5.00 Working for Yourself: The Guide Can anyone explain to me why the NME has dedicated an entire wank-off style issue to Kurt Cobain? Nirvana were good, granted, but not 24page special good. And Kurt wasn’t the saviour of rock music, he was a fucked-up junkie. Disagree? E-mail abuse to us at the usual address.

6.00 GMTV 9.25 The Premiership 10.25 Merlin the Magical Puppy 10.40 Upstairs Downstairs Bears 10.50 Maisy 11.00 My Favourite Hymns 12.00 That's Esther 12.30 Top Sport 1.00 Jonathan Dimbleby 1.55 HTV News and Weather 2.00 Waterfront 2.40 FILM: Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie 4.30 HTV News and Weather 4.45 Wick's Weekend 5.15 ITV News; Weather 5.35 FILM: Grease Aceness! John “Ah-ah-ah-ah, stayin’ alive” Travolta and Oliva “Neutron-Bomb” Newton-John shake their sexy arses in the biggest, tackiest pseudo-fifties song ‘n’ dance fest this universe has ever seen.

7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Heartbeat 9.00 Foyle's War 11.05 ITV Weekend News National and international round-up, plus weather.

11.15 The South Bank Show An interview with Victorian lesbofilth peddler Andrew Davies.

12.20 The Web Review 12.45 Paul Weller Live at the Royal Albert Hall 1.40 Brother's Keeper 2.05 Today with Des and Mel 2.55 My Favourite Hymns 3.50 World Sport 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

BBC 1

BBC 2

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 CBeebies: Fimbles 3.45 CBBC: The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Mona the Vampire 4.15 Eureka TV 4.30 Ace Lightning 4.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 X-Ray The series that aims to tackle wrongdoers and dodgy dealers.

Run, TV Steve! Run and hide!

They’re coming for you!

7.30 Holiday 8.00 EastEnders 8.30 Airport 9.00 Merseybeat 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 999 11.15 First Degree 11.45 Film 2002 12.15 The Real... Gimme Gimme Gimme 12.45 FILM: The Wrong Woman 2.20 Joins BBC News 24

6.00 Open University: A Lesson in Progress? 6.30 English, English Everywhere 7.00 CBBC 9.00 CBeebies 11.50 Around Scotland 12.10 Music Makers 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 CBeebies 1.15 Global Warning 1.25 FILM: The Hunchback of Notre Dame 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Regional News and Weather 3.30 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link Anne 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 6.45 Farscape 7.30 Fred Dibnah's Industrial Age: Railways 8.00 University Challenge 8.30 Blood of the Vikings 9.00 Dead Ringers 9.30 tlc 10.00 I'm Alan Partridge 10.30 Newsnight With Kirsty Wark. 11.20 Network East Late 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning Zone: Open University 12.45 Personal Passions 1.00 Ever Wondered? 1.30 Myth and Music 2.00 Secondary Schools - Science 4.00 Languages 5.00 Working for Yourself: Getting Started 1

A History of Self-Pleasure five 11.40pm

FILM: Grease ITV1 5.35pm

S4C

five

6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.05 The Magic Roundabout 7.10 Totally Spies! 7.35 Taina 8.05 Hollyoaks Omnibus 10.35 Enterprise 11.30 Brookside Omnibus 12.00 Welsh in a Week 12.30 Yr Wythnos 1.00 Brookside Omnibus 2.00 Channel 4 attheraces from Cheltenham 4.25 World Rally: Great Britain 5.30 Newyddion News.

5.35 Pobol y Cwm Omnibws 7.30 Y Sioe Gelf 8.00 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8.30 Malu Canu 9.00 Treflan 10.10 Newyddion 10.25 Maniffesto 10.55 Truth and Lies in Baghdad 11.55 FILM: Hang 'em High Must... avoid... childish... bollock... related joke...

2.20 Wickedest Man in the World Battling it out tonight: David “The Dick” Dickenson and John “Disgusting and Depraved” Leslie.

We just ain’t gonna let this one go, kids. Mr Leslie’s terrible sexual judgement has opened up a comedy goldmine. Woo Ha! 2.55 Brazilian Championship Football

6.00 Russell Grant's Postcards 6.05 Fit for the Wild 6.30 It's Your Funeral 6.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Babar 9.25 Redwall 9.55 The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams 10.55 Don't Blame the Koalas 11.25 Revelations 11.55 Rooted 12.30 Audrey and Friends 12.45 five news update 12.55 Pop 1.25 Charmed 2.20 FILM: Big Jake 4.20 five news and sport 4.40 Art Now 5.15 5th Gear 5.45 Britain's Worst Driver 6.10 FILM: Dennis 8.00 Jurassic Shark 9.00 FILM: Piranha A school of genetically altered, flesh-eating piranhas are accidentally released into the wild, and must be stopped before they can spawn and threaten the unsuspecting residents of Lost River Lake. Hee! Awesome!

10.40 The Shield 11.40 Vicious Circle 12.40 Challenge Tour Golf: Charles Church 1.10 NFL Live 5.10 Golf: The Palmer Cup

ITV 1

C4

five

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 Bric a Brac 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News and Weather 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Hilltop Hospital 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 Fingertips 4.05 As Told by Ginger 4.35 My Parents Are Aliens 5.05 Popstars: The Rivals Extra 5.30 Nuts and Bolts 6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 8.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 8.30 Coronation Street 9.00 Stan the Man 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 Real Life: Size Matters A programme charting TV Steve’s quest to turn his one-inch shagging stump into a 18-inch love club.

Features graphic scenes of a cock.

And also Steve’s penis.

11.30 The Premiership on Monday 12.30 Champions League Weekly 12.55 Nationwide Football League Extra 1.35 Today with Des and Mel 2.25 The New Addams Family 2.50 The Web Review 3.15 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 3.40 Entertainment Now! 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Tell It to Me Straight 9.30 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Cheers 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Rhacsyn a'r Goeden Hud 12.50 Planed Plant Bach: Sionyn 12.55 Planed Plant Bach: Joshua Jones 1.05 Planed Plant Bach: Anturiaethau Smot y Ci 1.15 Pet Rescue 1.45 Time Team Digs...

The Bronze Age 2.45 Fifteen to One 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant: Wali Wags 4.15 Planed Plant: Mali O 4.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.00 Richard and Judy After my revelations of Richardfancyage the other week, other people have come forward in support. Well, not so much support as mocking. But hey, I can live with that.

6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Xtra 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Y Byd ar Bedwar 8.30 Hwylio 9.00 Welsh in a Week 9.30 Sgorio 10.35 V Graham Norton 11.05 Faking It 12.05 Fame and Fashion: Inside Gucci 1.05 Young, Nazi and Proud 2.00 The Sopranos 4.00 Schools

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.55 Animal Antics 7.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Rolie Polie Olie 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: Triumph over Disaster: The Hurricane Andrew Story 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 James Bond's Cars: 5th Gear 9.00 FILM: Groundhog Day 11.05 House of Astonishment Featuring a nasal balloon expert. I shit you not.

11.40 The History of SelfPleasure A documentary on Madame Palm and her Five Lovely Daughters.

That’s masturbating to you, foole.

TV Steve features as the Man Who Cannot Stop Wanking.

12.40 NFL Update 1.15 NASCAR: Basahas 200 2.05 V8 Supercars 2.55 Thoroughbred Grand Prix 3.45 Wakestock 4.30 Argentinian Football

Monday 18 November

Television

BBC 1

elevision

GRiP

26

gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com

Tuesday 19 November BBC 1

BBC 2

ITV 1

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 CBeebies: Fimbles 3.45 CBBC: The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Mona the Vampire 4.30 Viva S Club 4.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.00 SMart 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Fame Academy 7.30 EastEnders 8.00 Holby City 9.00 Wild West 9.30 Linda Green 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Week In, Week Out 11.05 Cable TV The man with the worst hair in the world hosts the worst chatshow in the world. Don’t you dare go out and miss this!!!!!

(Please note the sarcastic use of exclamation marks.)

11.35 Fame Academy Uncut 12.05 FILM: Jaws 3 1.45 Sign Zone: Fame, Set and Match 2.45 Sign Zone: Wild Weather 3.45 Sign Zone: See Hear on Saturday 4.30 Joins BBC News 24

6.00 Open University: A Migrant's Heart 6.30 Trend Trackers 7.00 CBBC 9.00 CBeebies 12.10 You're the Boss 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 CBeebies: Teletubbies Everywhere 1.10 FILM: Marine Raiders 2.40 Assembly Live 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Regional News and Weather 3.30 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 TOTP 2 A Shania Twain ‘Special’. Kill me.

6.45 Star Trek: The Next Generation 7.30 Fred Dibnah's Industrial Age: Ships and Engineering 8.00 SAS: Are You Tough Enough?

9.00 Great Britons: Lennon 10.00 The Entertainers Hurrah! A doco on The Krankies.

And you thought you’d seen the last of that freaky boy/woman/child thingy. Hhhoh no! Sheee’s heeere!

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Great Britons Collection: Lennon 11.50 The Witness 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning Zone: Open University: Civil War 1.00 In the Nick of Time 1.30 Independent Living 2.00 Secondary Schools Science: Science in Action 4.00 Languages 5.00 Working for Yourself: Getting Started 2

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 Shortland Street 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News and Weather 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Construction Site 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 Sooty 4.05 MaryKate and Ashley in Action! 4.35 Clueless 5.05 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 5.30 Family Fortunes 6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Bruce Forsyth's Play Your Cards Right 8.00 Roads from Hell 9.00 Grease: After They Were Famous Special John Travolta: “Well, urm...I got crap. Then I got fat. Then Tarantino cast me in his inexplicably popular, yet utterly shite, gangster flick Pulp Fiction. And then I starred in Michael. Kill me, my life no longer has any meaning.”

10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 Am I Good in Bed? 11.30 The Food Show 12.35 Strictly Soho 1.00 The Machine 1.25 FILM: The Couch Trip 3.05 World Sport 3.30 Nationwide Football League Extra 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

BBC 1

BBC 2

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 CBeebies: Fimbles 3.45 CBBC: The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Mona the Vampire 4.30 Stacey Stone 4.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today; Weather 7.00 Watchdog 7.30 Best Inventions 7.55 The National Lottery: Midweek 8.00 EastEnders 8.30 Animal Hospital 9.00 The Life of Mammals: A Winning Design 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 International Football: Azerbaijan v Wales 11.15 Angela's Trial 12.15 FILM: To Protect and Serve 1.45 Sign Zone 3.00 Joins BBC News 24

6.00 Open University: News and the Democratic Agenda? 6.30 Rousseau in Africa: Democracy in the Making 7.00 CBBC 9.00 CBeebies 12.20 Maths Challenge 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 CBeebies 1.10 Escape to the Country 1.40 Ready Steady Cook 2.25 Wales Today; Weather 2.30 International Football: Azerbaijan v Wales 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 TOTP 2 Featuring Run DMC, Matchbox and Pulp. Respectively: sad loss to the music world, no idea, indie gods somewhat gone off the boil lately.

6.45 Star Trek: The Next Generation 7.30 Sexism in the City 8.00 The Life Laundry 8.30 Have You Remembered What Not to Wear?

More savage bitchery from the arrogant Sloanes. Love it!

9.00 Thomas Cook... and Me 9.50 Babyfather 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Great Britons Collection: Churchill 11.40 The Witness: The Killing Fields of Cambodia 11.50 Global Warning 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 BBC Learning Zone

Celebrity Big Brother S4C 9.00pm

TOTP2 BBC2 6.20pm

S4C

five

6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Tell It to Me Straight 9.30 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Tecwyn y Tractor 12.45 Planed Plant Bach: Sam Tan 1.00 Planed Plant Bach: Caio 1.15 Pet Rescue 1.45 Grand Designs 2.45 Fifteen to One 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant: Ty Gwenno 4.30 Planed Plant: Labordy 5-4-3-2-1 4.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Xtra 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Dudley 8.30 Yr Helfa 9.00 Jamie's Kitchen Oh dear, the fat-tongued twat’s restaurant is going to be failure.

What did you expect, you git?

You’ve employed pikeys with no culinary knowledge. Cnut.

10.00 Treflan 11.10 V Graham Norton 11.40 More Sex Tips for Girls 12.10 Scrubs 12.40 100 Years... 100 Thrills 3.10 The Art Show 4.00 Schools

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.55 Animal Antics 7.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Rolie Polie Olie 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: The Other Mother 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 Arrest and Trial: Doctor Death 8.30 Murder Detectives: Bomb Scare 9.00 The Hindenburg Mystery: Revealed 10.00 Detox Camp 11.00 Law and Order 12.00 UBS Warburg Cup Golf 12.50 NFL Game of the Week 4.05 Rally UK 4.30 European Drag Racing Championship 4.55 Motorsport Mundial 5.20 Argentinian Football

ITV 1

S4C

five

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 Shortland Street 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News and Weather 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Engie Benjy 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 The Quick Trick Show 4.05 SpongeBob SquarePants 4.35 Sabrina, the Teenage Witch Ahh, retro Sabrina!

It’s worth missing seminars for.

(NB: This is not the view of the paper, the university or its staff. Or me in fact. I just made it up to sound cool. Did it work?)

5.05 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 5.30 Family Fortunes 6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Cruise Ship 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 The Bill 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 Am I Good in Bed? “Well, yes, actually I rather think I am. Grrrrowl!” - Sexually Satisfied Desk 11.30 Die Another Day: From Script to Screen 12.30 FILM: The Final Conflict: Omen III 2.20 Coach 2.40 Today with Des and Mel 3.30 International Motor Racing 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Binca 12.35 Planed Plant Bach: ABC 1.00 Pet Rescue 1.30 Fifteen to One 2.00 Countdown 2.45 Pel-Droed Rhyngwladol: Azerbaijan v Cymru 5.00 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.05 Planed Plant: Torri Bol 5.20 Planed Plant: 13'30` Munud o Enwogrwydd 5.40 Planed Plant: Sgorio Bach 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Haf Ganol Gaeaf: Taith Caradoc a Iolo i Dde Georgia 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Ar y Bocs 8.30 Ffermio 9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Locked up ‘slebs. Bring it on.

10.00 V Graham Norton 10.35 Brookside 11.05 The Real Tony Blackburn 12.05 Sex and the City 12.45 Will and Grace 1.10 Will and Grace 1.40 Pure Rage: The Making of 28 Days Later 2.10 Derren Brown: Mind Control This man is a genius. How the fuck does he do it? Plus he has a sexy voice, which, frankly, is more important than any kind of pseudo-magical skill in my tiny, sex-obsessed worldview. 3.05 FILM: The Enemy Below

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.55 Animal Antics 7.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Rolie Polie Olie 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.50 FILM: Caught in the Act 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 House Doctor 8.30 Hot Property 9.00 FILM: Magnum Force 11.20 World's Nastiest Neighbours 12.15 Live with... Chris Moyles 12.45 La Femme Nikita 1.25 NHL Ice Hockey Live: Pittsburgh Penguins v Montreal Canadiens 4.45 Ironman Triathlon: Florida 5.35 Fastrax This week TV Desk hates: Alastair Campbell (TV Steve’s choice), essay deadlines, TV Alex’s music taste, and of course, the eternally evil triumvirate of bleached blonde bitches known as Moronic Shitten.

Our seething hatred for them will never die.

Wednesday 20 November

27

gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com

Thursday 21 November BBC 2

ITV 1

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 Fimbles 3.45 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 The Mummy 4.25 Looney Tunes 4.30 Call the Shots 4.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.00 SMart Children's art magazine. A look at getting wet with stencils. Fnarr!

Surely this belongs on late-night Channel 5, though?

5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Sports Desk have just renamed themselves Lynn Scully Desk in honour of aforesaid matronly wench.

6.00 News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Fame Academy 7.30 EastEnders Sonia goes to the police about her e-mail from Lisa.

What, you mean that despite a computer having never appeared before on this programme we’re suddenly meant to believe that the residents of Albert Square conduct their affairs via e-mail?

8.00 My Family 8.30 Judge John Deed 10.00 News 10.25 Regional News 10.35 Question Time 11.35 Dragon's Eye 12.05 FILM: Lawman 1.45 Sign Zone

6.00 Open University: Linkage Mechanisms 6.30 Never Mind the Quality? 7.00 CBBC 9.00 CBeebies 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Teletubbies Everywhere 1.10 FILM: Rachel and the Stranger 2.40 Westminster Live 3.20 News 3.25 News 3.30 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link USA 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 6.45 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7.30 Magic Islands 8.00 Home Front in the Garden 8.30 Gary Rhodes: The Cookery Year 9.00 Horizon 9.50 Look Around You 10.00 The Entertainers 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 America's Cup Will GBR Challenge go straight to the semi-finals or will they face the repechage? Does this mean anything to anyone? 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 The End of the Race against Time 1.05 Truth Will Out 1.25 The Next Big Thing 2.00 Sex and the Single Gene? 2.30 Tropical Forest: The Conundrum of Coexistence I wouldn’t use trees as an example of this conundrum, myself. Simon Weston and TV Desk would be a better example. 3.00 Earth, Life and Humanity 3.30 Blast Open Access TV 7 4.00 Languages 5.00 Working for Yourself

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 Presenters Revisited 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News and Weather 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Construction Site 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius 4.15 Out There 4.30 Harry and the Wrinklies 5.05 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 5.30 Family Fortunes 6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Wales this Week 8.00 The Bill 9.00 Wire in the Blood 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 The Ferret 11.00 Mr Right If you’re a blind Tory bint, TV Desk hears Simon Weston’s on the lookout for some lovin’... 12.00 Ironman Triathlon Championship 12.30 Barry Welsh is Coming 1.00 Night and Day 1.50 ITV at the Festivals 2002 2.45 The Cranberries in Profile Wailing voice, chips on their shoulders, and the worst lyrics ever written, ever. That’s about it.

3.10 Mixmasters 3.35 Cybernet 4.05 Popped in, Crashed Out 4.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

BBC 1

BBC 2

6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 News 1.30 Regional News 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 Fimbles 3.45 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Mona the Vampire 4.15 The Basil Brush Show 4.45 Rugrats 4.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 5.35 Neighbours Toadie wants to take his relationship with Dee to the next level. Fnarr! 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 A Question of Sport With guests Graeme Le Saux, Jade Johnson, Lawrence Dallaglio and Peter Ebdon. Who’d win the fight, then, Sports Desk? ‘In order: Dallaglio, Le Saux, Ebdon, Johnson.’

7.30 Top of the Pops 8.00 EastEnders 8.30 Fame Academy 9.30 Have I Got News for You 10.00 News 10.35 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 11.20 FILM: Mother's Boys 12.55 FILM: Vampire Circus 2.40 Joins BBC News 24

6.00 Open University: Wood, Brass and Baboon Bones 6.30 Partnerships 7.00 CBBC 9.00 CBeebies 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Teletubbies Everywhere 1.10 FILM: The Locket 2.30 Racing from Ascot 4.00 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link USA 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 6.45 Robot Wars: The Sixth Wars 7.30 Time Flyers: The First Roman Frontier 8.00 Hidden Gardens 8.30 Gardeners' World 9.00 Great Britons: Churchill Here’s an alternative-alternative list: Julie Burchill, Alastair Campbell (see delicious pic), Judi Dench, PJ Harvey, Andrew Rawnsley, Myra Hindley, Sam Taylor-Wood, Daisy Donovan, Anne Keothavong. 10.00 Porridge 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 Later with Jools Holland With Feeder and David Holmes. Respectively: plodding and ace. 12.35 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 1.20 FILM: The Thing from Another World 3.00 BBC Learning Zone

Great Britons (Alternative) BBC2 9pm

Gary Rhodes: The Cookery Year BBC2 8.30pm

S4C

five

6.05 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant Bach 1.15 Pet Rescue 1.45 The English Church 2.15 Fifteen to One 2.45 Fifteen to One 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant 5.00 Celebrity Big Brother Live 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Dudley 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Haf Ganol Gaeaf 8.30 Naw Tan Naw A smelly local farmer collapses in Gwalia Stores.

Who will volunteer to give him the kiss of life? Oh dear God, this programme exists.

9.00 Llafur Gwlad 10.00 Celebrity Big Brother Goodness, didn’t even realise this was on. 11.05 Slaymaker 11.35 Brookside 12.05 V Graham Norton C-C-C-C-C... 12.35 The Ashes: Second Test: Australia v England Cricket is very dull indeed. A perfect cure for insomnia, in fact. 1.05 Alias 2.00 London Orbital 3.30 FILM: Went the Day Well? Not too bad, thanks! Nice of you to ask.

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.55 Animal Antics 7.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Rolie Polie Olie 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: Pillars of the Sky 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away Charlotte and Jude take steps to develop their relationship. Fnarr!

6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 FILM: Contact Awful sci-fi supernatural gubbins only partially redeemed by Jodie Foster. Has Christian undertones. 10.45 FILM: Visitors of the Night 12.35 Jonathan Pearce's Football Night 1.15 Dutch Football: PSV Eindhoven v Feyenoord 2.45 Argentinian Football 4.15 Argentinian Football Highlights 5.00 Channel 5 Football Classic: Viking Stavanger v Chelsea

ITV 1

S4C

five

6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 News 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 News 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Hilltop Hospital 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 Art Attack 4.05 As Told by Ginger 4.35 Sabrina, the Teenage Witch 5.05 Popstars: The Rivals Extra 5.30 Nuts and Bolts Gritty drama series about modern life in the valleys of South Wales. See it arrive in Cardiff at exactly 5pm every Friday night, get pissed, lurch around in common, vulgar fashion, and then piss off back to wherever it was spawned.

6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street Vik suffers losses, leaving Maria in the lurch.

Fnarr!

8.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 8.30 Celebrity Fit Club 9.00 Best Ever Bond ‘Live And Let Die!’ - TV Amy. 10.30 News 11.00 Tarrant on TV 11.35 The Pop Factory 12.05 Harry Hill's TV Burp 12.35 Dial-a-Date 1.05 FILM: Wilder Napalm 3.00 Entertainment Now! 3.25 Supergrass in Profile 3.55 World Football 4.20 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 4.45 Get Stuffed 4.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.05 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant Bach 1.15 Pet Rescue 1.45 Grand Designs 2.45 Fifteen to One 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant 5.00 Celebrity Big Brother 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Y Rhagalen Wirion Na 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Cefn Gwlad: Ffermwyr Ifanc Mon 8.30 Celebrity Big Brother 9.00 Rygbi: Llanelli v Seland Newydd (1972) 10.00 Brookside 10.35 Celebrity Big Brother 12.05 V Graham Norton 12.35 The Ashes: Second Test: Australia v England 1.05 Comedy Lab 1.40 FILM: Living in Oblivion 3.05 Brazilian Championship Football This week, TV Desk is pissed off with: students who whine about student loans and grants and such, as if it is a remotely important national issue. There are many more pressing subjects at hand than whether you have enough money to get pissed and act as if you’re townies-in-training every night in the ghastly Taf. In, of course, white checked shirts for the boys and peasant-chic for the girls - look, you fuckers, you look absolutely fucking appalling. You look as if...

6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.55 Animal Antics 7.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Rolie Polie Olie 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: Crash: the Mystery of Flight 1501 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs Geri is upset when Cat insinuates that she and Jim are an item. These gossiping pets...

7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 Mapping Murder: Virtual Crime and the Future 8.30 Britain's Worst Driver 9.00 A Mind to Kill 11.00 FILM: Shame, Shame, Shame Indeed, Mr. Director, so you should feel shame. 12.50 FILM: Thunder Run 2.20 FILM: Miss Evers' Boys 4.10 Russell Grant's Postcards 4.20 Riptide 5.10 Sons and Daughters ...you’ve been spawned by Atomic Kitten. You look as if you couldn’t think if your sorry little lives depended on it.

You are a tacky, vulgar and depoliticised waste of space.

Friday 22 November

Television

BBC 1

GRiP

Focus

gair rhydd features section. Free Word no.730 gairrhyddfeatures@hotmail.com

11 11 02

A case of rewriting history Lee Krasner examines the events that led to historian David Irving losing his home and professional reputation after he published a book denying that the Holocaust ever happened

I

n 2000, a libel trial came to court which would question the integrity of historical objectivity and label a high profile historian a liar, with his work a biased misinterpretation of historical evidence. The historian Richard J Evans, Professor of Modern History at Cambridge University, was called as a principal expert witness at the trial, which symbolised a final chance for David Irving, historian and ‘Holocaust denier’ to prove his work credible.

The trial was branded a trial of truth, as the fundamental question was that of the interpretation of historical evidence.

Can we rely on any interpretation of historical evidence to be truthful and objective? As preparation for his stand as witness, Evans meticulously examined and researched the life and work of David Irving. His book Telling Lies about Hitler: The Holocaust, History and the David Irving Trial, describes this research and his involvement in this high profile case. Evans visited Cardiff Law School recently to present a public lecture on the trial and his research into Irving’s work.

David Irving is one of the most controversial figures in modern historical thought. A member of a small but conspicuous group of pro-Hitler ‘Holocaust denying’ historians, his unique interpretation of the events of the Second World War have angered and

offended thousands of people all around the globe. In 2000, this controversy and debate surrounding the work of Irving and other ‘Holocaust deniers’ culminated in a libel action brought by Irving against Jewish historian, Deborah Lipstadt.

Irving was unhappy with some of the comments made about him in her book, Denying the Holocaust, which referred to him as being biased in his interpretation of historical evidence. He claims that her words were a slur on his reputation as a historian. Lipstadt was outspoken about her belief that Irving was ideologically motivated. She proposed that his links with anti-Semitic, far-right political extremism made his elucidation of historical evidence biased and unobjective. This was by no means a unique standpoint when it came to the work of David Irving. As Evans found, many other academic historians have criticised his work. The highly controversial nature of his interpretation of sources had attracted attention and criticism over the years. Nevertheless, Irving had determinately slogged through this condemnation on his crusade to justify his claims.

The terror that the Jewish population of Europe faced in World War Two is a slice of history which horrifies communities the world over. In today’s multi-religious society, it seems unbelievable that, within the last century, people were actually treated in such a

Lipstadt proposed that his links with antiSemitic political parties made his elucidation of historical evidence biased and unobjective

brutal manner simply because of their faith. This is racism at its most hideous.

Despite the extent of this almost unfathomable cruelty, we trust our historians to objectively interpret the evidence to reach balanced conclusions and tell it like it happened. We believe them when they report the events of the Holocaust, which were, at the time, kept resolutely within the barbed wire which extended the boundaries of Auschwitz and camps like it. For David Irving, the stories of the events, and motivations behind the events, of the Holocaust, were in fact very different to traditional historical interpretation. For something like forty years, this strange figure historian or propagandist - has endeavored to pursue a massive project questioning the truth behind traditional reports of the Holocaust.

The evidence for the Holocaust seems convincing. Primary records, like Nazi documentation, archive film footage of the concentration camps and shocking images of thousands of human corpses have all told similar stories. These findings are supported by testimonies from survivors, those who actually witnessed and escaped the morbid selection process that took place.

Holocaust deniers suggest that all this evidence is either fake or has been interpreted inadequately. Irving claims that most of the pictures of human remains are those of victims of typhus.

He claims that these victims were not gassed, but died of “natural causes.” He also asserts that the testimonies of survivors are part of a Jewish plot to ‘guilt trip’ the human race. He insists that the stories of the Auschwitz gas chambers were mythical and refuses to accept the killing of Jews as ‘systematic’.

The Nazi leader, according to most historians, directly ordered the slaughter of millions of Jews in the concentration camps. Irving claims to the contrary, saying that Hitler knew nothing of the massacre that was going on directly under his nose and that if he had, he would have disapproved. Irving is a strong supporter and ardent admirer of the Nazi leader and his regime. Irving’s mission, through his interpretation of the holocaust, seems not to deny that many of these subordinated Jews died during this period. His main point of contention has been the support of Hitler himself. The Nazi Despite all these preposterous claims, Irving does not actually deny the prejudice the Jews faced at the hand of the Nazi regime. As Lipstandt writes, he seems to see himself as obliged to carry on Hitler’s legacy. Irving has upset and offended many people, not just relatives of victims of the holocaust but most of the Jewish population, with his highly controversial version of events.

(Continued over)

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gair rhydd 11 11 02 (continued from previous page) Richard Evans’ role as an expert witness in the Irving libel trial against Lipstadt and her publishers, Penguin, was fundamental. The defense was pleading justification. This meant that they had to show that the original, supposedly defamatory statement, was true. Evans’ job was to show that Lipstadt was indeed correct in alleging that Irving falsified the historical record. The trial was not held before a jury because of the sheer volume of documents used and the detail that was necessary in evidence in order to come to any sort of conclusion.

It was decided that a jury would be overwhelmed so the Judge, Mr Justice Gray decided the verdict, costs and any damages on his own. Mr Evans’ meticulously researched evidence was vital to Mr

Gray’s decision.

The trial had a high profile in the media. This meant that Irving’s lies became obvious to many people. The sheer importance of his claims about the holocaust meant that he became a publicly ostracized figure. He was pelted with eggs by hostile demonstrators on the way into court on the day Mr Justice Gray was due to read his verdict. On this day Mr Gray began a speech which would bang the final nails into the coffin containing Irving’s reputation as a historian. He judged that Irving had not fulfiled his obligation as an objective historian to provide people with judgements based on all the evidence available. He had been selective with his evidence and misrepresented and distorted this evidence to mould with his particular beliefs and to

present Hitler in a favourable light. Mr Gray labelled Irving a racist by saying, “Irving is antiSemitic. His words are directed against Jews.”

After the trial Irving set about to win a second battle, this one taking place in the media. He appeared on many television shows and was the subject of many journalists’ reports. The high profile case had helped him to propagate his opinions. Still, this was not a victory either as Irving was overwhelmingly criticised in most reports that resulted.

The outcome of the Irving libel trial has made people question the difference between real history and politically motivated propaganda. The truth of history is not always certain but we should not believe everything we read.

Exodus from Jamaica Daniel Barnes tells how Jamaica’s violations of human rights have passed largely unnoticed, until Jack Straw had to grant asylum to a gay man whose life was constantly at risk.

T

he British government has recently passed a landmark ruling when they granted asylum to a Jamaican man who has been the victim of countless violent attacks. Twentysix year old David has had both of his arms broken, his wrists slashed with a machete, suffered serve beatings with sticks, and has had both of his ear-drums perforated, all on separate occasions.

He has not robbed a bank, raped anybody’s children, nor is he a murderer. He is guilty only of being gay, which is a criminal offence in Jamaica, punishable by 10 years imprisonment with hard labour. Despite their reputation as a laid-back, fun-loving nation, the Jamaican’s are living in a Victorianised time-capsule, the likes of which punished Oscar Wilde and Alan Turing – great men driven to an unhappy death by the distorted values of a nation that will not accept the reality of their people.

The anti-gay politics of Jamaica runs deeper than the opinions of the general public: the country’s top DJ, Antionette Haughton, regularly attacks gay culture with statements like, “They want to corrupt our children and tell them it’s okay to live immoral and nasty lives”.

And the Scout movement took decisive steps to bar gay youths from joining their group by announcing that “These are not the type of persons we wish to be part of the Scout movement”. Even the Prime Minister, PJ Patterson, resolutely vowed last year that under no circumstances would he consider dispensing with the anti-gay laws that are still firmly enforced across the country.

This is exactly how Nazi Germany started: a group of narrow-minded statesmen deciding that they disapprove of a certain group of people and doing all they can to have them ousted or killed. In 2001, a riot in Kingston’s main prison led to the murder (by guards as well as inmates) of 16 gay men, and the injury of a further 40. There is no official body seeking to protect the personal safety of gay men or women in Jamaica, so where ever they are, they live in constant fear. Fitzroy, a Kingston musician, recently told The Observer of how it is impossible for him to find work because he is a known homosexual: “It doesn’t matter how hard you try to hide it. If you are seen in certain places or with certain people you are branded as gay”.

As civilised people living in the heart of the Commonwealth, we are supposed to be shocked to discover that 30 gay men have been murdered in Jamaica in the last five years, one of whom was shot when he sought refuge in a church. The problem, though, also exists much closer to home than we should like to admit.

The BBC landed themselves in trouble last year when their radio stations aired a song called ‘Chi Chi Man’ (which is a derogatory term for a gay man) which advocates the ritual burning of gay men. As if that wasn’t enough, they came back for more trouble from the ITC when they showed the video for the Jamaican number one single ‘Boom Bye Bye’, by Banton, which

suggests gay men should all be shot.

In a recent survey, 3% of people in Britain classified themselves as gay, and although we like to think of ourselves as a tolerant, liberal nation this small proportion of people still lives in fear for their safety. Even in the so-called gay-friendly cities such as Manchester and Brighton. The famous race riots in Oldham, led by members of the BNP, digressed into an attack on Manchester’s gay community, which is one of the most thriving inner city areas in the country.

The rest of Europe doesn’t seem to find homosexuality such a disturbing disruption to the harmonious course of their lives. France, although tainted by recent victories in Right Wing Politics, is notorious for its lack of gay venues of any description. Their case for this is that they believe they are such a liberal nation that everyone is free to be whatever they want where ever they want, without ghettoising minorities, which apparently sends out negative messages. Holland, particularly Amsterdam, is well known to be a hive of cosmopolitan activity, where gay bars are commonplace to such an extent that Gay Times has had to publish an intricate guide to gay hotels, bars, clubs, leisure centres and parks in the city. And of course there is Barcelona, mainland Europe’s capital of gay culture, where just about everything you can see and do caters for and adapts to the high concentration of gay men visiting and living in the city. (Even Gaudi seems to have designed his buildings with the tastes and persuasions of Europe’s gay men in mind, with his intense attention to brightly coloured exterior detail, sublime curved roofs and a perfect marriage of modern aesthetics and postmodern practicality).

Fortunately, in the UK we are more supportive and organised than the Jamaican’s are. The Albert Kennedy Trust, for example, was set up to help young gay people who have been estranged from their families. The trust aims to house and counsel young people who have been the victims of homophobic violence, such as 24 year old Dean who was battered and left for dead on Camden High Street. Local police authorities have appointed community liaison officers across the country to help the 47% of gay men who suffer harassment and violence from their colleagues and neighbours, which is a step in the right direction, since their helpline received 725 calls in 2001, but it is suspected that this figure only represents a small proportion of the victims, as most crimes of this nature are not reported to the police. A man, who cannot be named, was raped by two straight men in Edinburgh, said he could not face the humiliation he expected he would be subjected to if he reported the incident to the police.

The fact that Section 28 is still staining our statute books is simultaneously irrelevant and significant. Repealing the law will not change anything, a telling 23% of people will still argue that gay sex should be criminalised, and schools will still be terrified of giving gay sex education

PJ Patterson: assures his people that the laws will not change and support and advice to gay students. But at the same time, Section 28 doesn’t look at all good on paper, it singles the UK out as a country that still harbours old-fashioned ideals, and irrational fears of the modern world; it makes us look like we are a nation of people who endorse and encourage the oppression of a perfectly legitimate and on the whole inoffensive minority.

Furthermore, legislation such as Section 28 suggests to counties such as Jamaica that their views on the matter are acceptable. And they are not. Beyond the mire of whether or not homosexuality is inherently wrong, the fact still remains that gay people exist, and are as valuable members of society as anyone else, and should thus be left alone to live in freedom and peace like everyone else. Without, for example, Alan Turing, Britain would not have been so quickly victorious in the Second World

War. But alas, the institutional belief that homosexuality must be a disease, led Turin to kill himself after being subjected to humiliating hormone treatment to cure his ‘affliction’ following his cracking of the German’s code.

With an encouraging 58% of people voting for equality of age of consent for homosexuals and heterosexuals alike, Britain is just about keeping its head above the water and striving to create a tolerant, safe environment in which we can live without constant fear of oppression and, in the extreme, death.

With our own progress in mind, we would do well to have Jamaica expelled from the Commonwealth, as they are representative of a violation of human rights that Britain cannot afford to be seen to be endorsing. Times are changing, and it is time to accept that, not only because it is the right thing to do, but because it’s the only way for the world to progress.

gair rhydd 11 11 02

Focus • 17

Songs to be listened to

W

hile the proverbial pen may be mightier than the sword, Cardiff Reds Choir, the Côr Cochion Caerdydd, believe that singing can be the mightiest weapon of all, and since 1983 these revolutionary singers have been using that very weapon to wage a non-violent struggle in the name of freedom right here in Cardiff.

The choir was started by Ray Davies, Glynis Wislocki, and Tony Bianchi after a demonstration in London to protest about the United States’ role in the overthrow of the democratically elected Allende government of Chile by General Pinochet’s CIAsponsored military coup. Outside the US embassy stood a crowd of Chileans singing in defiance of the tragedy that had befallen their country and these courageous singers were witnessed by a group of fellow protesters who had travelled down that day from Pontypridd. Inspired, on the bus ride home people were singing songs from Wales and Yorkshire, but when someone asked if they knew any socialist songs they were “stumped”. Determined to change that, phone numbers were exchanged and the next day the first rehearsal was held in Tony’s house. Nineteen years later the result of that rehearsal, Côr Cochion Caerdydd, is still going strong.

Singing songs in over sixteen different languages, (English, Welsh, German, Portuguese, Yiddish, Indian, Arabic, Irish, and several African ones to name but a few) the Reds Choir have embarked on their non-violent performance protest all over the world, from the streets of Cardiff to as faraway places as the disputed West Bank.

Performing in a diverse array of locations, from the violent flashpoint of Garvaghy Road in Portadown, where they stood between locals and the attacking, pro-unionist, police force with merely their melodies for protection; to the Royal Albert Hall where they sang with Billy Bragg in support of Nelson Mandela, Côr Cochion Caerdydd are dedicated to the cause of freedom.

Amongst the mixed array of members that spans the leftist spectrum from anarchists to members of the Labour Party, is Cardiff University’s own Professor of Philosophy, Chris Norris, a veteran campaigner who joined the group in 1989 because “I enjoy singing and it’s a great way of linking up my musical interests and political involvement”. Also he laments, “it’s the only real way to express this involvement as there is no representation in parliament for the sorts of view that I hold.” Chris Norris first saw the choir perform in a pub and as “I identified strongly with all the causes they were singing for” he joined and has been an active member now for thirteen years.

Current focusses include opposing the looming war in Iraq, Israeli occupation of Palestine, supporting local strike actions in the Cardiff area, a heavy involvement in helping struggling people in countries such as Nicaragua, Columbia and Cuba; victims of Hiroshima and persecuted people such as asylum seekers and Kurds. Equally, groups such as Liberty, Campaign Against The Arms Trade, and Voices In The Wilderness are just a

Protest has a long and varied history, which includes breaking things and getting in people’s way, but the Reds Choir have a peaceful approach to making their voices heard. Dan McKee reports. fraction of the causes and campaigns the Reds Choir has lent its support and solidarity to over the years.

Still singing strong since they first got inspired by and helped with the miners’ strike of 1984/5 where they raised thousands of pounds by singing on the streets, Côr Cochion are obviously doing something right, but how is it they think they will bring about political and social change through mere singing?

“We are there to support struggles and give people some heart.” says member Olwen Leavold. “We are a presence in places where people are being intimidated and through our

singing we can empower them and lift their spirits and help them in their struggle.” An illustration of this would be the part they played in supporting the anti-apartheid actions for South Africa, the entire choir so dedicated that they even got jailed during one demo.

Staunchly non-violent, the choir lead many peaceful protests, standing at the front of demonstrations in an array of red clothing, holding banners and singing songs of freedom with rousing harmonies in passionate voices bolstered by their commitment to the causes about which they sing. The songs stem from many sources and many countries. From traditional protest songs from the Spanish Civil War and 1930’s Germany, to African National

Congress anthems, and socialist folk songs from various parts of the world. Many songs are written by the choir themselves, others are arrangements and some traditional tunes are given new lyrics to support the struggles to which they lend their voices, “We often forget in this country that protest has a long, long tradition of song,” Olwen tells me. “Songs can get the messages across much better than other mediums and they also have a calming effect that other forms of protest do not.” A truth displayed no better than when an anti-fascist march began to turn nasty as fascists and anti-fascists clashed in Welshpool, only for the tensions to be diffused when Côr Cochion stepped between them and broke into song.

“We sing to spread a message, and also, with our busking, we raise money to help smaller causes who need it.”

A regular sight on a Tuesday and Saturday lunchtime at The Hayes, when there isn’t a protest happening, the Reds Choir sing to collect money to help campaigns that they support.

“We sing for civil rights, human rights and justice,” says choir leader Wendy Lewis.

And sing beautifully they do too.

Energy and gusto abound in every tune that the choir sing, and at the same time as the crowds that gather to hear them are tapping their feet to the rhythms of the songs they can’t help but think about the intelligent and informative lyrics, and listen to the message of solidarity and hope in struggles for freedom everywhere that the choir are promoting through their songs.

As far as protest methods go, Côr Cochion Caerdydd is an inspiringly unique and effective way to spread their message of peace in a world so often on the brink of war. The anarchist thinker Emma Goldman once said “If I can’t dance, it’s not my revolution” and I think that same attitude runs through the Reds Choir.

“Song is our weapon!” singer Meic Peterson tells me, and from where I’m standing, Côr Cochion’s non-violent weapon seems a much more effective tool for peace than the terrifying rain of bombs and blood that President Bush and Prime Minister Blair want to inflict once again on the innocent civilians of Baghdad.

If anyone likes singing and is interested in the issues the choir sing about then they shouldn’t hesitate to get involved; phone Wendy on 02920 889514 for details or drop by and talk to the choir Tuesday or Saturday lunchtimes at The Hayes.

Charity begins in Swansea Rachel Bonfiglioli braved the elements to go to the famous Mumbles Mile and raise money and get drunk for the RNIB.

Saturday 19th of October, looked miserable, cold and rainy. But that didn’t seem to put off the forty or so, hard-core rags getting onto the coach at the unearthly hour of nine o’clock. Yes nine AM on a Saturday. “What am I doing?” I asked myself. I could be in bed.

After some amazing factory and motorway scenery we arrived in Swansea, thus fulfiling dearest Tubs’ life long dream; which was set in British television history with the ever so simple phrase- “Are we going to Swansea Edward?” We were in Swansea, home of, well I’m not sure really, lots of chain stores like any other town it seemed. After a brief talk trying to get everyone in a charitable mood, we all set off armed with our collecting tins and a vast supply of stickers.

A compatriot and I set ourselves up in a patch a little way from the main high street after having checked we weren’t stealing any one else’s patch. We had been previously warned not to disgruntle any of the Big Issue sellers who are apparently quite aggressive; nor did I want to stop any of the people who have no taxable occupation from continuing with their own personal trade in the streets.

Eventually I picked a spot in front of a shop, which sadly had all its Christmas paraphernalia proudly displayed in its windows.

I worked all day with phrases such as “ Are you feeling generous today Madam?” “Would you like to do a good deed?” and for the children who looked like they had rich families, “Help the blind today, and get a cool, free sticker!!” I also had on a funky hat with strange tassels, which I shook at kids who

either laughed at me or ran off crying to their parents, which didn’t really help my cause. I got to meet a man who asked me if I liked his front garden as I was standing in it, then later got to meet his “missus”, a fellow owner of the pavements, very sociable I must say. Then there was a strange man who was trying to give me sales pitch advice; “ Come on!” he kept shouting at me, “Sell yourself a bit more!” and I would have done, if it hadn’t been so cold ….and illegal. Also there was one man who had a fab excuse for not giving any money - he had spent it all on drugs and was just about to go pawn the rest of his stuff for more drugs money.

Unfortunately I did get a bit of abuse from passers by who kept giving me lectures about the state of the world, from the people who keep knocking on their doors wanting charity money to anything else that was niggling them, possibly including my appearance. So, even when I explained I wasn’t personally to blame for these things, they didn’t take the faintest bit of notice. By the end of the day I had a full tin, sore feet, a sore head and a growling tummy.

The night time was much better. The infamous Mumbles mile – basically a mile of pubs taking about five hours to navigate - was next. We managed quite well, visiting at least ten pubs, including the Antelope, The White Rose and The Nag’s Head, with the finale of the evening being dancing in our strange outfits at the Golden Bear. A good time was had by all. New dance moves were set up, modern issues were discussed, pool was played, glasses were dropped and, most importantly, alcohol was drunk, lots of it.

The old, traditional style pubs made a refreshing change to the new “trendy” and “hip” places I’m used to frequenting in Cardiff. Not too sure if the old men in them were as refreshing though. As soon as half eleven beckoned, we made our way back to the coach, I had great fun walking amongst the traffic and continuing my discussions. The trip home? Can’t remember, fell asleep. Drunk? Or just plain dog-tired? I’m not sure, probably a mixture of both.

We did well, however. I managed to raise £109 (setting a new collecting record) and in total we raised £1450 for the R.N.I.B. And who says all students do is doss about and drink...

18 • Focus

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gair rhydd 11 11 02

The Greatest Briton?

Abbi Shaw thinks Shakespeare, oh, and Sean Bean

I

t is a dangerous time to be a well-known thing of quality (to be “fried gold”, if you will). For years now, it has been fashionable to criticise anyone or anything that has been considered important, revered or cherished for more than six months. Television programmes such as the Reputations series, and almost every daily newspaper, enjoy regularly destroying a celebrity, or a myth or story, by telling us the sordid undertexts and connotations in our tales, of which we would never have dreamt.

Bit by bit, Europe is banning dramatic sections of our culture, possibly because it was rooted in a past certain parts of Europe would rather forget, or possibly because Belgium hasn’t had a great deal going for it in the last century or so. Brussels, and select government committees therein, are also attempting to desecrate British literature and literary history, which is of a standard equal to and even surpassing that of any other country in the world, to make it more “acceptable” and less offensive to the three people in the world that cannot tell the difference from fiction and reality, or from stupidity and free speech, yet whom always seem to be consulted by said committees to give evidence of their displeasure.

However, the BBC has apparently been trying to rectify this, and to reclaim, or at least to make a pretence of reclaiming, a small part of what it is to be British (and to take up twenty-odd hours of BBC2 that they couldn’t fill with The Weakest Link) by conducting a rather investigative poll of who exactly the nation believe to be the one hundred greatest Britons of all time, and are now narrowing that to the ten greatest Britons of all time.

The most telling and sadly notable thing about this concept, however, is that at the moment, the number one candidate for such a prestigious title as voted for by the British public (apparently) is Princess Diana. The aim of this piece was not to express my feelings on this, but briefly, as I am here, whilst I do not dispute her good work for charity, her esteemed dress sense or her ability to encompass a very reasonable amount of what it was to be English, there is very little about her that I would have described as great. Not great in the sense that Churchill was great, nor in the sense that Oliver Cromwell was great. In conversation with my father, a well read and opinioned man in war history if ever there was such a thing, I am informed that there can be no greater Briton that Churchill, and that no man could have, nor ever will have, done more for his country. This I shall not dispute, yet I should not choose Churchill as my greatest Briton. For once, I would rather consider someone outside war, outside politics, not because I disapprove of either, but because I would like to commemorate someone’s creativity and immense legacy, and to pretend that war is something a long way away – because I can, due to the actions of people like Churchill (though I may have to revise that idea soon if Blair and Bush have their way…but that’s another story…)

William Shakespeare may sound an obvious choice. Every schoolchild is taught this reverence of the works of Shakespeare, and rightly so, although sadly even his plays are regularly slated to cause controversy and sell newspapers. I realise that any English students out there are more than likely bursting to tell me that it is entirely possible that Shakespeare did not actually write most of his better known plays, and that it was some man named Bacon, from whom Shakespeare stole various ideas, plays and words. Frankly, to my mind they may as well be Shakespeare’s as not, and if not, well then Bacon can be the greatest Briton.

Shakespeare is credited with an immense amount of achievements. As far as I can find, he is said to have invented, or at least provided, the first examples in print of over 12,000 words commonly used in the English language, as well as having written the most wonderful love story ever told in Romeo And Juliet, which is in addition to having had his works published and performed in any language you care to name (I believe Hamlet is available in Klingon). On top of that, his works are all around four hundred years old. Moreover, his

works remain adaptable and interpretable to this day, and remain as relevant and sociological as ever they were.

My interest in Shakespeare has recently been rekindled by the fact that I had the privilege to enjoy a most fantastic adaptation of Macbeth in Richmond Theatre last week, which is shortly to go to the West End. I grant you, a reasonable amount of my excitement about this particular rendition, and a key factor in it being sold out at every performance, was to do with the hyperbolically attractive and extraordinarily talented Sean Bean taking the title role. Nevertheless, when it comes to actually going to the theatre, something most of us probably don’t do enough, one still cannot do better than taking in a Shakespeare play.

Very little surpasses his complex but digestible webs of plot, and the dialogue is more succinct and mesmerising than anything Hollywood could

“He is said to have invented, or at least provided the first examples in print of over 12,000 words commonly used in the English language, as well as having written the most wonderful love story ever told in Romeo And Juliet” produce.

Indeed, Baz Luhrmann’s exceptionally successful adaptation of Romeo And Juliet proved that there is little to date Shakespeare’s words and sentiments and, when placed in the modern context he provides, they work seamlessly.

Shakespeare currently lies fifth in the BBC poll. Unfortunately, the places higher than his are occupied by people such as Churchill, Brunel and Darwin; people who have respectively provided us with a country to live in, almost every invention of the last hundred years, and a swathe of scientific theories, some of which bring chaos to selected states in America. Tough, and indeed incomparable competition. However, on account of the fact that there is very little else for which Shakespeare will be widely nominated, and because in terms of enjoyment brought through entertainment, I am not sure he has been surpassed, I’d like to take this moment to commemorate his work and deserved longevity.

At a time when things are, as previously mentioned, so in danger of being politically censored or removed from teaching syllabi it seems important to me to cherish someone who, in my opinion, is one of the greatest playwrights and writers of all time and also happens to be quintessentially British.

gair rhydd 11 11 02

Just good friends

Focus • 19

The Internet is one of the best places to meet people, especially people you’ve already met before. Katie Harding considers the pros and cons of websites that seek to reunite old school friends.

T

he last few years have seen a steady rise in the number of people joining up to “Friends Reunited”, a website that allows people to get in touch with old friends from school and college. The site now boasts over 50,000 members and sounds harmless enough, you might think. You might be wrong.

Not only have many people been registering for the site in order to settle old grudges (maths teachers beware), there have been reports of old sweethearts meeting up and rekindling relationships despite them being married to other people. I’m not one to judge, but it seems a bit desperate to register for a site like this with the sole intention of meeting up with the boy who you used to play kiss-chase with. However, that is what people seem to be doing.

It certainly says something about the rise in popularity of this kind of web-site that a new West-End play written by Michael Weller and starring Gillian Anderson of X-Files fame deals with this very same issue. Anderson plays a woman trapped in an unhappy marriage who gets back in touch with an old flame.

What The Night Is For concentrates on the feelings that were rekindled between the two when they meet up again after so long. This story is far from fiction.

I’ve been told a story from a very reliable source about a woman who registered for the site and got in touch with her first boyfriend. Sounds innocent enough? Her husband didn’t think so. When she spent too much time meeting up with this exboyfriend, he got seriously jealous and it almost ruined their marriage. Almost though not quite, but as you can imagine it’s pretty difficult to keep a marriage going thinking that the other person is so unhappy that they would rather be with someone else. The person who told me this story is a member of the site

himself, and has met up with many old friends through it; people he’d forgotten even existed. I can understand why people find this so attractive, imagine the nostalgia-fest when the first email arrives and all the old memories come flooding back.

But what if you don’t want to be reminded of the old times?

What if the last thing you want to do is remember when you passed out in a pool of your own vomit at the fresher’s ball (and who among us doesn’t have a few stories like that to tell?). Is it really harassment if you repeatedly receive emails from Greg, the one night stand you would rather forget? I don’t think so.

For a start, once on the site, you cannot just access any past pupil’s details; they have to be registered too. If you put your details on this site, then you cannot really complain when people actually do want to get in touch. If the worst comes to the worst, change your email address and phone number. There is also no obligation to put any contact details other than your email address down, and

everyone knows how to block certain addresses from their inbox, don’t they?

It has to be said, however, that not everyone who registers is a sad weirdo looking to relive the past. In the press recently there was an article about a couple who met up after 20 years, through the site, and now have a child together. Both of their previous marriages had ended in divorce so they decided to meet up again, even though the last time they had dated was when they were 13. I can understand this to a certain extent. I’ll bet there’s not one person reading this that hasn’t spent many a sleepless night wondering about ‘the one that got away’. It’s natural to think about what might have been if you’d stayed together with your first love (even if that first love happened to have been in year 5).

It’s not just people who are unhappy in their present relationships that would be vulnerable to receiving an email from an old flame. Naturally, if someone who you once had strong feelings for gets in contact with you then it’s going to raise a thousand questions. Do they want to get back together? Do I want to get back together? Am I really with the right person?

This has led many to question the morality of joining these sites.

But is it plausible to blame the web-site if some marriages end in divorce following a reunion of old friends? Aren’t the chances that the marriage would have ended the same way pretty high anyway?

However, these sad stories are few and far between. Most people use this site and others like it to get in touch with old friends and nothing more. Any contact is more likely to become a minor irritation rather than a marriage threatening experience.

But when you sign up to something like that then you get what you ask for. The past was never really as much fun as you remember it to be.

Power to the people Janine Jones highlights the importance of our democratic rights.

T

he Electoral Commission this year, are making an increased effort to persuade people to secure their right to vote on the electoral register. The Commission is an independent body, established by Parliament and it is their duty to ensure public confidence and increase public participation in the UK’s democratic process. The Commission is also responsible for modernising the electoral process and regulating political parties.

In order to vote in local, national and European elections, each person must be registered, and the annual canvass each autumn aims to achieve this. To this end registration forms are popped through every letterbox with a warning that it is illegal not to return the form or to supply incorrect information.

The Electoral Commission seem to be confident that they are

sources for credit checks and will be available for reference in council offices and at public libraries.

Cinemagoers may already be aware of the campaign, as the Commission intend to encourage ‘young people’ to vote and register to vote via an advert. With its funky yet expensive look it could almost be mistaken for a Playstation ad, if it were not for the slogan at the end “Votes are Power”. This youth oriented campaign is spearheaded by the website www.votesarepower.com. The site comprises of short and informative FAQs on why voting is important and how to register and vote. It also has a rather exciting collection of free downloads, which are purely naff. Other adverts will be appearing in print media, on billboards and online.

The Chairman of the Commission, Sam Younger says, “Although politics and politicians may sometimes seem distant or beyond your influence, voting can make a difference.” In this statement Younger seems to have hit the crux of the problem. The majority of people are not failing to vote because they can’t be arsed to go to the polling station, but because the whole democratic process disillusions them.

There are obviously matters of principle behind most people’s rationale of how or whether they vote at all. However unless you

“Most students do not realise they need to register to vote both at their home address and in their University town” taking the required steps to lower the number of unregistered voters. At the moment an estimated 1.4 million people are entitled to vote yet are not registered. There is concern that the number of young people and ethnic minorities voting and registering is significantly below average.

The difficulty with the student population is the register needs updating with each change of address. The solution can be found in rolling registration, which may be used to amend information throughout the year. Advice and downloadable forms are available from www.rollingregistration.co.uk. This will also be useful to those students living in halls, who will probably not receive registration forms. Additionally, most students do not realise they may register to vote for local elections, both at their home address and in their university town.

This year there is an option to decide whether or not commercial companies will be entitled to access your personal information for marketing purposes. Two registers will be published, one including full details and another for use by commercial companies, excluding the details of those who ‘opt out’. In addition the full register will remain one of the primary

strongly feel that there is a significant benefit to abstaining from the vote, it is important to have your say, as elections are one of the few opportunities where this is welcomed.

The question then remains, whom should you vote for? For many students the next election will be the first opportunity to vote since turning 18. Just briefly rummaging through a few political party websites it was difficult enough to find out who local candidates were, let alone pin them down to a particular stance on relevant policies. There is also the added difficulty of working out whether it makes any difference that we could be voting for an AM not an MP, because we are students in Wales. Rather than falling into the trap of parental propaganda however, it might be worth some time to decide which policies you believe are important to you, and then check out where each party stands in relation to it.

You may feel the current threat of war in Iraq is important, maybe you prioritise a particular view on hunting with dogs, or, perhaps the topic on your mind at least 12 hours a day is student funding.

The most useful resource for answering your questions is the Internet. The website for the National Assembly for Wales is incredibly comprehensive and includes forms for a huge variety of

questions, is easy to navigate and has a massive amount of information about the Assembly. The address is www.wales.gov.uk and is a good starting point for understanding how your vote counts in Wales.

The official websites of the individual parties are also easy to use, although it is wise to remember that politicians are generally slippery little creatures and it might not be as easy to find a single, unambiguous statement about a specific area of their manifesto. As an example, some parties are more open than others on their policies on student funding. The Labour website (www.labour.org.uk) is crammed full of information about education, their top priority. What seems to be lacking however is any information at all on tuition fees or student grants. Whilst the Labour party aim to increase the amount of young people entering higher education they do not appear to offer any suggestion on how this might be funded on an individual level.

The Conservative Party website (www.conservatives.com) helpfully reminds us that Labour promised not to introduce tuition fees, but did so three months after the election, and abolished maintenance grants. Information on the Conservative’s own policies on student funding is a little harder to come by. Their view is ambiguous, stating they would “engage constructively with reforms that offer the necessary support for students from less well-off backgrounds”.

On the Liberal Democrats website (www.libdems.org.uk) their policies are shouted out proudly, in the belief they have right on their side. The Liberal Democrats lay claim to scrapping tuition fees in Scotland and Wales and are now campaigning to do the same for England. They criticise both Labour and the Conservatives for not doing or promising enough to stop poor students becoming poorer.

Prioritise your top three political beliefs and vote according to which party, or individual candidate best represents that. Feel free to exclude the Tories because your dad said he would disown you if you ever voted blue, be prejudiced against a party over a single bill, but above all be informed. There is absolutely no point in complaining about any political issues if you have not made the slightest effort to influence them. If you feel particularly strongly about anything local party offices are listed in most phone directories and they can offer full information on their manifesto.

Besides voting, it is also desperately important that you contact MP’s and AM’s over every statement or decision on which you have an opinion. Sign petitions or attend marches, make your voice heard, but understand that you will have to shout pretty loudly to do so. It is not enough to take the attitude that one person doesn’t make a difference. When too many people think that way, ) the result is a dictatorship. Do not look on the election necessarily as a vote for a candidate, but view it as a vote for democracy.

“

Some people think that football is a matter of life and death... I can ensure them it is much more serious than that

Sport

SPORT FEATURES. Below

Club v Country? GR debates

p. 25 COMMENT. Page 25

Windsurfing, Fencing, BUSA results

p. 27 IMG. Page 26

”

Bill Shankly, Sunday Times, 1981 Issue 730. 11th November 2002 Sport Editors: Tristan Thomas, Riath Al-Samarai, David Williams Email: grsport@hotmail.com Website: www.gairrhydd.net

BUSA. Page 27

Campbell trains at UWIC Cardiff top 2

nd

David Williams Interview

F

or British sprinter Darren Campbell, one of the most popular sportsmen in the country, the 2002 athletics season has been something of a mixed one.

With injuries plaguing his early season training, it had looked at one stage as if the Olympic silver and 1998 European gold medallist wasn’t going to make it to the Commonwealth Games in Manchester, the place where he was born.

"I think the major goal was to be able to compete in the Commonwealth Games. At a certain stage, it didn’t even look as if I was going to be able to run, so to get the chance to carry the flag for England and to run at a level which I set out to achieve to do exceeded my goals."

However, at one stage, the UWIC based athlete had considered joining his fellow Nuff Respect training partners Jamie Baulch and Matt Elias in donning the Welsh vest, something similar to what his coach, Linford Christie, did

when he moved from Jamaica to the UK; "I was thinking of competing for Wales but after finding out the Commonwealths were in Manchester, it was one of those decisions I had to backtrack on. I’ve been in Wales for nine years. I love it here and the people have been really nice."

After claiming the 200m bronze medal in Manchester behind Frankie Fredericks and Marlon Devonish, Campbell anchored the English relay team to gold, only a hundredth of a second in front of Jamaica.

Campbell, though, owes that gold to the supporters, who he feels made the Games the success they were.

"I don’t think I could have risen to the performance that I put together without their support. I wasn’t in good shape at all but getting into that stadium, they did all the work, I just ran."

With his form of two years ago coming back in the time for European Championships in Munich, the chances of a medal in the 100 and 200m looked a possibility. However after coming third in the 100m behind Francis Obikwelu and champion Dwain Chambers, Campbell was disqualified in the 200m for stepping outside his lane, a mistake hasn’t let

Page 24

Div.

Continued from Back

“I was thinking of competing for Wales, I had to back track” get to him.

"I was more down with myself for making the mistake but that’s the way it goes. I don’t look at a negative like that, I’ve got to look at the positives and I got four medals from two major Championships."

At 29, Campbell is in the prime of his career and without the concerns of the indoor season to hamper his training,

he is already setting his sights on the next Olympics in Athens, this time hoping he can go one better.

"The World Championships in Paris has got to be the objective. Go there and put a sound performance and build on towards the Olympic Games in Athens because that will be my last one, and if I finish with a gold that will definitely be my last one."

In the build up to the busy Christmas fixture period, consistency is vital in order to sustain a strong title bid.

Peter Thorne was at hand to ensure that Cardiff City’s revival was not just temporary by sealing a 1-0 victory away to Mansfield Town the following Tuesday.

Peterborough United were the next to lay their heads on the chopping block with the Ninian Park faithful once again acting amicably as judge, jury and executioner. In such matches the hostility and intensity of a crowd can act to give a side that extra man.

City wouldn’t need such an advantage, for just 15 seconds into this tie, Barry Fry’s side were reduced to ten men after Simon Rea was dismissed for bringing down City live-wire Rob Earnshaw when the young star was through on goal.

City made their advantage tell, and after continued possession they were soon a goal up through a powerful Kavanagh volley.

Earnshaw then extended the lead, again finding the back of the net from the penalty spot for his eleventh

The crowd plays a big role strike of the season before Weston popped up to add a third late on and seal another valuable three points.

Cardiff City is a club going in the right direction. Under new manager Lennie Lawrence, they are obtaining good results week in and week out, and occasional blunder aside, they are fast becoming the emergent force of Nationwide League football.

On arriving at the club Hamman labelled the Welsh club a "sleeping giant", and his money in a time when football world-wide appears to be in a financial drought has led to the Bluebirds starting to realise the potential they have to succeed.

With Swansea City now officially bottom of the football league Cardiff City fans are cheering louder than ever.

Different codes, similiar performances Rugby UNION

Matt Greenhill from Wrexham

Wales recorded a welcome and needed victory over Romania last Friday evening in preparation for the forthcoming autumn tests and Six Nations Championship with a 40-3 win. Yet the score line flattered the display.

A poor first half characterised by poor kicking, and a distinct lack of creativity left fans groaning in their seats in the unfamiliar home

ground of the racecourse in Wrexham.

Aside from a Rob Sidoli touch-line sprint, Wales failed to make any impression on the Romanians’ in a sloppy first half, and by the end of the period it was the visitors who began to control possession, much to the dismay of the Welsh fans.

For the Welsh, the beacon of hope came from old flame Neil Jenkins making his first

The dragon that was once Welsh Rugby looks tired and ragged

full start in 18 months, and indeed it was his trusty boot which kicked them into the ascendancy at the interval.

Poor line-outs and an irritating tendency of slow ball emerging from the tackle consistently delayed and hampered any chance of efficient possession play by the Welsh.

To their credit and to the relief of supporters, the Welsh emerged in the second-half in a more sprightly and energetic manner.

A break full of pace and dogged determination saw Parker dragged just short of the Romanian line. He then swiftly found Scott Quinnell at his side, who duly converted the opportunity into points from a few yards out.

The try inspired a new confidence in the Welsh to play patches of good rugby.

This improvement was demonstrated midway through the second-half, with a fine Gareth Thomas run from in his own half and pass to set up Mark Jones for the score.

Two late tries, one by Gareth Thomas and a penalty try put the gloss on a result that masks too many of Wales’ deficiencies, highlighted by

poor turnover of possession and inconsistent ball retention.

Admittedly, coach Steve Hansen, fielded an

Rugby LEAGUE

experimental side, but with the essential core in place this performance is somewhat worrying. What is apparent however is that the

Gwenno Dafydd from the Millennium

The Millennium Stadium played host to the 50-22 win for the New Zealand rugby league team in their first international tour match against Wales.

But where you would have expected a full house, only around 8,500 spectators turned up, and most of those were deceptively seated opposite the television cameras. That’s because this was rugby league, not rugby union.

New Zealand goalkicker Swain, who eventually clocked up six penalties, started the scoring with a penalty after just 6 minutes, but they had to wait until the 15th minute to score their first try, Meli scoring from Lauiti’iti’s pass.

Lauiti’iti was also involved in the Kiwis’ second try which came four minutes later after he passed to the

sprinting Robbie Paul, who, in turn, supplied the ball for Swain to cross the line. But Wales responded well with captain Briers’ penalty after 23 minutes, and the set up and conversion of Hefin O’Hare’s first try for his country three minutes later.

It was the All Blacks who finished the half on a high, as Hohaia scored and converted for their third try.

New Zealand scored another six tries in the second half, the first of which was scored by the ironically named Jones, and was followed by the first of Swann’s two. Paul then further increased the score as he crossed for a try, before Meli proceeded to score his second and third tries, with Swann’s second bringing the Kiwis up to the 50-point mark.

The match highlighted

improvements will need to be fast in coming in preparation for next year’s Six Nations Championship and World Cup. the vast gulf between both sides, but the Welsh players defended well to delay the inevitable Kiwi surge and didn’t capitulate, which was evident in their late scores.

The Welsh cause wasn’t helped by the controversial absence of their star player Keiron Cunningham, which frustrated coach Neil Kelly.

The official reason for his absence was a hand injury, but the Welsh coach felt that he was being held back by the Great Britain coaching staff for the sake of their two tests against the All Blacks.

As a packed stadium is expected for the rugby union equivalent of Sunday’s match later this month, and with tickets going for around £38 each, it is a shame that the league game couldn’t attract as many supporters.

Comment & Analysis

November 11 2002

Page 25

grsport@hotmail.com

Why FIFA needs to act against the clubs Geraint Rowlands

Internationals

J

ust who’s right is it to determine whether a player should play for his country or not? This question has been on the mind of Mark Hughes in the past week, as he struggles to take his first choice team to Azerbaijan.

The story begins with Birmingham City Manager, Steve Bruce, refusing to allow Robbie Savage to attend the 3pm Sunday call up, invoked by Mark Hughes for the 17th November. The Welsh Manager was relying on the FIFA rule that designates a 4 day pre-match period, where international managers can require players for training purposes.

The loop-hole appears to lie with the fact the 20th of November was officially a "friendly fixture window" where only a 2 day call up period is mandatory.

However, due to a fixture congestion worry, the FAW scheduled the competitive game in Azerbaijan for this date.

So, who’s right? The basic argument has to be whether or not the club, who pays the

gr top 5 Worst football prodigies ever Disagree with Riath’s choices?

Email grsport@hotmail.com George Best- European player of the year age 22, world at his feet. All he has now is a colostomy bag and his liver in a jar by his bed.

1

Lee Sharpe- Billed by Alex Ferguson as a youngster set to emulate the great George Best, Lee Sharpe has gone from super star scoring "that goal" against Barcelona to "that twat" who failed with Exeter.

player’s wages, has exclusive rights to his talents. If this is the case, it threatens to undermine the whole system of competitive international football. Surely the commercialisation of our beloved sport, simply cannot be allowed to go this far.

It’s not just Wales who have fallen foul of this struggle between cash and pride. Even the seductive Sven failed to secure the services of key players for a recent friendly. The precedent has been set somewhat by Ryan Giggs. In the past, his notorious "hamstring niggle" cropped up immediately before a Wales game and cleared without trace for the following weekend’s domestic fixtures.

However, Giggs has led the way, following the resurgence in Welsh football. On the same day as Savage is set to turn out for Birmingham, Giggs

Andres Escobar- Good young centre half, famed for scoring the own goal that saw Colombia ejected from ’94 World Cup. He was subsequently shot 55 times, so it could be argued the World Cup wasn’t the ideal shop window for him to flaunt his talents. R.I.P. Carl Fletcher- Favourite son of Sky One’s Dream Team, Fletch has failed to live up to potential. A former England U21, he has always been on the verge of greatness but since the arrival of Munday Bandele at Harchester United, he has been forced into the shadows.

4

Leonne Jeane - Former 5 Cardiff City and Welsh U21 International, kicked out of pro football for failing a drug’s test. It emerged that he gave a false sample that was believed to be lucozade instead of urine. Truly a criminal genius.

Our sports editor’s mate saw Wasim Akram in a petrol station ‘reading’ a copy of Hustler. To win this esteemed magazine, promptly snatched (haha) from his grasp, enter the gr sports quiz.

Can anyone beat our quiz master?

Email entries to grsport@hotmail.com Savage causing trouble? Surely not.

proclaimed "I’ll miss out on the game at West Ham. It’s a crucial game for Wales and we need a full-strength squad."

If Mark Hughes had his way, the team would have trained on the Sunday, before flying out on the Monday and training on the Tuesday night in Baku.

However, FIFA have once again decided to back the money men of football and given Mark Hughes a mere 48 hours to prepare his team and fly out to the dark and distant depths of Azerbaijan. The result being that Robbie Savage, Andy Melville, Mark Pembridge and John Hartson are due to play for Fulham, Everton and Celtic

respectively on the Sunday.

They will all be forced to join the squad in Baku for the Tuesday training session, which is only scheduled for threequarters of an hour.

Its clearly not acceptable that a team with legitimate chances of qualification for the first time since 1958, are forced to jump through such ridiculous hoops in order to get the best 11 on the field.

Come on FIFA, it’s time you stood up to the commercial vultures that look poised to tear the heart from the international football scene and earn yourselves a FIFA Fairplay Award.

Wales must take opportunities Rugby UNION

Claire Coles - ANALYSIS

W

ales must build on their winning start to the international season and learn to make the most of their opportunities in time for the Autumnal international climax – the mighty New Zealand, on 23 November at the Millennium Stadium.

Following the unconvincing victory over their Romanian counterparts, national coach, Steve Hansen, has demanded a much improved and more coherent performance for future matches.

However, the expectant Welsh rugby public must remember that these internationals will see

experimental line-ups in preparation for next year’s Rugby World Cup in Australia.

Against the Romanians, Sonny Parker and Tom Shanklin showed promise of being a successful centre partnership and have the ability to cause problems for their opponents’ defence.

The athleticism of Robert Sidoli is another aspect of this squad which no doubt excites Hansen. It will be the dynamism and positive execution of fast ball, which will be needed in order to break the All Blacks gain line.

How Wales perform against the charismatic Fijians will be

interesting. The South Sea islanders will provide Wales with different challenges than those of their recent Romanian opposition.

Unfortunately, the East Europeans decided to spoil Welsh tactics on many occasions through negative play as opposed to creating chances of their own, in an effort to keep the points tally down.

Their renowned strength is in their backs, and they will be boosted in this department by the inclusion of the legendary Waisale Serevi to the squad.

After Fiji, the next challenge for Wales will be that of Canada.

This will be an interesting contest, as Canada, who will

1. How many times has Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France?

2. Who holds the men’s javelin world record?

3. In which sport is the America’s Cup competed for?

4. In what event did Great Britain win its only gold in at the last Winter Olympics?

5. The WACA and the Gabba are cricket grounds in which country?

6. Who came third in the football World Cup this year?

7. Who will Great Britain be playing in their next Davis Cup match?

8. Where is the US Masters golf tournament held each year?

9. Which football team is nicknamed the Cherries?

10. In which event is the Mosconi Cup competed for?

11. Who is the only player to be sent off in an FA Cup final?

12. Badminton hosts which sport?

13. Who scored the winning drop goal for South Africa in the 1995 rugby World Cup final?

14. How many points are there in rugby league for a drop goal?

15. Where are the annual TT motor bike races held?

16. Where is the French Open tennis tournament held?

17. What was Man Utd’s original name?

18. Who came first in the men’s 100m at the European Championships this year?

19. In which year did Nigel Mansell win the driver’s World Championship?

20. And finally, name three of the current squad members of Harchester FC?

Last Week’s Answers: 1. Crystal Palace 2. 6 6s in an over 3. Welford road 4. 7 5. Don Bradman 6. John Toshack 7. 1971 8. Florence Griffith Joyner 9. Alain Baxter10. Virginia Wade 11.

0 12. Old Deer Park 13.

Kelly Morgan 14. Walsall 15. Alex Higgins 16. True also be Wales’ first World Cup opponents next year in Melbourne, are buoyant after beating Scotland 26-23 in June.

However, Wales will hope to be victorious over the North American visitors in preparation for New Zealand, who currently hold no 1

17. Twice 18. 3 19. Judo 20.

1997 21. Paul Lawrie 22.

Lancashire 23. Wilson 24.

Kipketer 25. Ian Holloway 26. False, it was Swansea 27. Greg Rusedski 28.

Basketball 29. Ronnie O’Sullivan 30. Greece. 31.

Moore, Pele, Ardiles, Osman Wark. position in the International Rugby Board rankings.

Present indications do not present a very realistic chance and many critics have been too quick to suggest that the New Zealand side is weakened. Wales will need to be at their very best.

Do I not like that...

2

3

gr sports quiz

Something on your chest? Riled by our report? Write to our sport letters page email grsport@hotmail.com

Letter of the Week Win... a match Arsenal, please. Not joking.

Dear GR Sport, In follow up to James Tomlinson's excellent letter last week on the forthcoming Ashes series, I would like to record my disgust at the constant knocking of the sport. England's cricket side's world standing is on a steady upward curve and in years to come, I can see us becoming the best once again. Never have so many people played cricket and the youngsters coming through are testament to this great games standing within this country.

Jokes about useless teams should be left to a football side managed by a German called Berti!

Gareth Lambe P.S. look out for great things from Cardiff's Uni side next summer!

England on a curve upwards?

GR Sport. Dubious sentiments, especially given England’s disastrous start in the Ashes. However, GR Sport does implore you to go and watch the Cardiff Uni side and Glamorgan who won the one day league last season.

Welsh Nationalism

The fight begins

Dear GR sport,

Dear GR sport,

What is the idea of everybody trying to make David Seaman look silly. First it was Nayim all those years ago, but now it's every other game. Ronaldhino, then the Bolton player then the skillful Macedonian and now even his team mates want to get in on the action, notably Edu. But at least it gives us a good laugh here in Wales, seeing a faltering England side (just how they went up 3 places in the FIFA rankings is some conspiracy ).

This is a letter in response to that shit that you published a couple of issues back, titled "End to the Egg." The one part of that crap I agreed with, was the admission that, yes, we are higher in the food chain and I will use that to beat your ass in Jive if the pussy responsible wants to have a go.

As for you puff footy players, with your skinny little legs and scared to get muddy attitudes, I doubt that any of you are man enough to bring it on. Jomec footy twats beware.

Robbie Savage, 2nd year Pharmacy GR Sport. Go on Student Union Council (SUC), make our day. Get this anti-English sentiment out of our faces. This is bordering on the racist. Instead of going at us about the word c**t, sort out our union. This was a rogue editor by the way.

Yours Angrily, UWC Men’s Rugby GR Sport. I understand that the letter making references to homosexuality may have hurt your feelings, but talk of going after boys asses is not the strongest case of defence.

GR Sport will almost certainly print your letter, so get writing and see your views read by fourteen thousand people. The views expressed in these letters are not necessarily those of the newspaper or the editor. Email grsport@hotmail.com

Inter Mural Games

Page 26

November 11 2002

grsport@hotmail.com

Goals galore as Real hit a lucky thirteen

Football WEEK 1

Netball WEEK 1

Wide open season tests nerves to limit

Billy Lee for GR Sport

Billy Lee for GR Sport

Another week of exciting attacks and horrendous defending was served up in the IMG. Goals rained in from all sides and only four games finished with less than four goals scored.

The big winners of the day were FC Real, who crushed Sawsa FC 13-0, and Planderlecht, who inflicted the second stuffing in a week for CU FC, who are rapidly becoming the whipping boys of this years competition. A special mention must go to Planderlecht’s Mike Brown, who managed to grab his first goal in 3 years of IMG football.

After the disappointments of last season, both Carbs teams are looking hugely impressive

Over halfway through the first round of netball fixtures and all groups seem wide open. No real shocks this week, however, after last week’s excitement.

In Group A, a third straight win for both Carbs A and Pharmacy all but booked their places in the Premiership after Christmas. Their encounter on November 13th looks like it may be academic. Both were once again very impressive, Carbs again demonstrating their miserly defence against their B team while Pharmacy easily beat a handy Law B team. Sawsa gave themselves a fighting chance of first division netball with a good win over Cplan. The planners really need to start winning if they are to avoid spending 2003 in the second division.

In Group B, Economics brushed aside Socsi despite fielding a slightly weakened team, virtually confirming their place in the Premiership.

The outlook for Socsi is not so bright, however, this defeat and defeat the following day against LPC in a re-arranged fixture has left them facing an impossible task to get into Division 1 next year.

Cardiff Uni A bounced back from defeat to trounce

Skill, tactical awareness, but mostly kicking the ball hard this time round. For the second week in succession, the A team knocked seven past their

I MG

Group A

Results

30th October 2002

Carbs A

7-0

Uni Hallstars

Earth Soc

3-4

Law B

Myg Myg

2-5

Auxiliary Engin

FC Real

13-0

Sawsa FC

I MG

Group B

Results

30th October 2002

Bute Park Utd

0-6

Torpedo Engin

Chemsoc

4-1

Gym Gym

Jomec

2-2

Accountington Stanley

RPR

1-3

Carbs B

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Group C

Results

30th October 2002

Cathays FC

4-3

Wyvern Wanderers

Irish

3-3

History

Mathletico Madrid

2-5

Accountancy

Momed

I MG

Results

1-2

Economics

Group D 30th October 2002

Ecosoc

2-0

Woka Juniors

Law A

1-1

Psycho Athletico

Pharmacy

1-1

Planathinaikos

Planderlecht

12-0

Christian Union FC

opposition, while the B team are becoming the surprise of Group B, as they outplayed Roath Park Rangers to win 3-1.

Accountancy and Torpedo Engin both recovered well from first game reverses to beat Mathletico Madrid and Bute Park Utd respectively. A much better day for the Engin teams was compounded as Auxiliary Engin comfortably dispatched Myg Myg It was also a day of high scoring, yet very close, games. Cathays FC sneaked past Wyvern Wanderers 4-3, while Law B maintained their 100% record beating Earth Soc by the same score line. In Group C, History and Irish shared the points in a six goal thriller, a huge improvement on last week’s result for the Irish boys.

Performances of the week, however, were reserved for Economics and new boys Accountington Stanley.

Economics took on group favourites Momed, both sides on highs after victories last week. Econ started the better and led by two goals at half time, although there were strong arguments about both goals being offside.

Momed rallied in the second half, grabbing a goal to set up a frantic finish but it was too late. A fine victory for the Economists which will have given them a great chance of reaching the Premiership.

Accountington Stanley took on double champions Jomec in the classic ‘David Vs Goliath’ encounter. While everyone expected a comfortable victory for the journalists, the new boys fought all the way and gained a highly unexpected draw which has left Group B wide open.

IMG can be described in a number of ways but, clearly, predictable is not one of them.

With the weather (and the council!) intervening again, the prospect of Sunday afternoon fixtures is looming. Keep an eye on the IMG Noticeboard for further developments

Netball WEEK 2

top flight after a good win over the Medics.

The lawyers were pushed all the way and only led by two at the break but fantastic defence from Ellie Richards in particular led them to victory. Cardiff Uni B are not out of the Premiership running after finally winning a game, seeing off the challenge of Chemy/Biosci.

The next games will be vital to the interests of may of the teams and, as we have already been shown, anything could happen.

Comsoc to show their time at the top isn’t over just yet.

However, they will be pushed all the way by surprise package Phist who overcame LPC. All will be decided in the two teams crucial meeting in November.

Group C appears all but wrapped up by Psychology continue to cruise through their games, this time hammering Gym Gym who are still without a win from three games.

Law A improved their chances of joining them in the

I MG

Netball

Results

30th October 2002

Carbs A

17-3

Carbs B

Cplan

2-17

Sawsa

Pharmacy

23-7

Law B

Comsoc

5-20

Cardiff University

Phist

15-4

LPC

Socsi

12-18

Economics

Cardiff University B

10-5

Chemy/Biosci

Law A

9-3

Medics

Gym Gym

1-15

Psychology

Socsi

7-8

LPC

Prem line up finalised as first division hots up

Billy Lee for GR Sport With one game remaining in the first round, next year’s Premiership line-up is virtually complete.

In Group A, Carbs A and Pharmacy wrapped up their qualification in very different circumstances. Carbs were again impressive, seeing off Law B comfortably while Pharmacy had life made easy for them when their opposition, Sawsa, failed to show, gifting them a 15-0 win. Law and Sawsa go into their final games knowing only one can join Carbs B in the First Division.

Carbs confirmed their place with a comprehensive win over Cplan, a result that almost guarantees the planners will go into Division 2 after Christmas.

Economics also maintained their 100% record in Group B, with a narrow win over Comsoc. They will be regarded as one of the strong contenders for the title after making light work of a tough group. Only record defeat in the final game for Cardiff Uni A will prevent them from joining Economics in the top flight after another high scoring victory, this time over LPC. Life was made a lot simpler for the Uni team as Phist crashed to a shock defeat to Socsi. Socsi had suffered

Uni B. That result means the Uni Bs now face off against the Medics to see which one plays in Division 1.

Although Chemy face Psychology in their final game, they have little to worry about as victory over Gym Gym confirmed a place in the First Division.

Unfortunately for the Welsh, they are the first team to be confined to Division 2 next year.

One game to go in the first stage and while we virtually know the Premiership line up the battle for the First Division is really hotting up.

some big defeats in previous games but played their best game to date to put themselves in contention for the First Division. The final week will be hugely exciting, as any two from LPC, Phist, Comsoc and Socsi will qualify for Division 1.

Group C saw Psychology win their fourth straight game to ensure Premiership netball after Christmas. A thumping victory over the Medics confirmed their dominance over the group. They will probably be joined by Law A who narrowly saw off Cardiff

I MG

Results

Netball 6th November 2002

Carbs B

18-3

Cplan

Law B

3-17

Carbs A

Sawsa

0-15

Pharmacy

Economics

11-8

Comsoc

Phist

12-14

Socsi

Cardiff Uni A

27-4

LPC

Chemy/Biosci

12-2

Gym Gym

Law A

11-5

Cardiff Uni B

Medics

2-26

Psychology

University Sport

November 11 2002

Page 27

grsport@hotmail.com

Week 1

ROUND-UP

BUSA Results

Lord of the Bay success

2nd Week. Wed October 30 5-3

Gloucester

Men’s Badminton 2nds

9-0

Swansea

Men’s Basketball 1sts

81-86

Bath

30-60

Exeter

Men’s Badminton 1st

Women’s Basketball 1sts

U-U

Cranford

89-56

Swansea

Men’s Fencing 1sts Women’s Fencing 1sts

1-0

Aber

Men’s Volleyball

0-3

Gloucester

Women’s Volleyball

3-2

Bath

U-U

Trinity

Men’s Football 2nds

Women’s Football 1sts Golf 1sts

2.5-3.5

Portsmouth

Men’s Hockey 1sts

4-3

Southampton

Men’s Hockey 2nds

0-7

Exeter

Women’s Hockey 1sts

1-2

Glamorgan

Women’s Hockey 2nds

0-0

Bath

Lacrosse

U-U

RAC

Netball 1sts

37-48

Brunel

Netball 2nds

24-53

Exeter

Rugby 1sts

8-30

Hart

Rugby 2nds

27-12

Exeter

Women’s Rugby 1sts

59-0

Exeter

Men’s Squash 1sts

5-0

Southampton

Men’s Squash 2nds

0-5

Glamorgan

Women’s Squash 1sts

0-5

Swansea

Men’s Tennis

6-0

Bournemouth

Women’s Tennis

4-2

Swansea

Laura Welsh for GR Sport Last weekend a wet and windy Cardiff bay greeted over 150 competitors from Students Unions all over Britain raring to compete in the Cardiff University Annual Windsurfing Competition.

The event with its new name of Search For The Baylord, is in its fourth year and with a new prestigious home of Cardiff bay the event was bigger and better than ever before.

The move to the Bay from its old home, a reservoir near Pontypool, is a major bonus for the Windsurfing club as at

the new home the competition can reach a larger audience and the competitors can have much better access to facilities.

Search For The Baylord is one of a series of events organised by the Student Windsurfing Association.

Different universities undertake the organisation and running of each leg in the series, and Baylord was Cardiff’s opportunity to shine. Not only were there three different divisions of racing: experts, intermediates and beginners, but there was also the chance for competitors to “freestyle”.

The Welsh weather meant

Aber outclassed by second string AFC

1-0

seconds to keep squad morale high. First team players in attendance will be sweating on their places after a second team performance that deserved more than a solitary strike.

The match started with a scrappy opening 15 minutes during which both sides strode to find their passing games. It was Cardiff who found their feet first, Dave McCann having a rasping drive tipped around the post

Aberystwyth

John Tuscany reporting AFC II remain unbeaten after a 1-0 victory over a previously unbeaten Aberystwyth side, who were lucky to travel back to West Wales without suffering a more comprehensive defeat.

With the first team continuing to misfire this season, it was left to the

Week 2 BUSA

ROUND-UP

Results

2nd Week. Wed 6 November

Men’s Badminton 2nds

5-4

Bristol

5-4

Bristol

Men’s Basketball 1sts

75-82

London

Women’s Basketball 1sts

51-18

Aber

Golf 1sts

2.5-3.5

Women’s Badminton 1sts

Swansea

Men’s Hockey 1sts

7-1

Glamorgan

Men’s Hockey 2nds

1-0

Bristol

Women’s Hockey 1st

2-4

UWE

Women’s Hockey 2nds

4-1

UWE

Lacrosse 1sts

13-9

Bath

Netball 1sts

28-55

UWIC

Netball 2nds

25-71

UWIC

Men’s Squash 1sts

0-5

Southampton

Men’s Squash 2nds

3-2

Aber

Men’s Tennis 1sts

5-1

UWE

Women’s Tennis 2nds

6-0

Portsmouth

Men’s Volleyball 1sts

3-0

Aber

Women’s Volleyball 2nds

3-1

Plymouth

ALL FOOTBALL

-

Re-arranged

ALL RUGBY

-

Re-arranged

after good work from Paul Joseph. They came close to scoring again soon after when Mike Rabjohns had his header cleared off the line following a Rhys Jones corner.

The midfield three of Jones, Brian McGovern and Si Lewis became increasingly dominant, and following a sustained period of pressure, Cardiff took the lead.

Receiving a pass from the returning Danny Gunyion, Chris Trout was felled by a desperate lunge from an Aber defender. McCann drilled the resulting free kick low into the net from 25 yards. Half time was a welcome relief for Aberystwyth, as a buoyant Cardiff continued to threaten.

The Cardiff defence was again in unforgiving form, the central partnership of Simon Yates and Ian Platt particularly impressive. Keeper Gavin Ramjaun has now gone 225 minutes without conceding, but it was McCann who was Aber’s tormentor-in-chief, coming close on a number of occasions.

It was only the brilliance of the Aber keeper that kept the score down.

After Mahoney replaced the unusually quiet Trout, Cardiff played out the last 15 minutes to ensure the three points stayed in the capital. Only goal difference separates Cardiff from the top spot, as this impressive run of form continues.

there were perfect conditions for getting out in the water and allowed all standards of Windsurfers to demonstrate their moves. Search for the Baylord also attracted many spectators who braved the rain in order to watch the Windsurfers try out some acrobatic moves in the water.

The legendary socialising reputation of the Windsurfing Weekends continued with Seren Las in the Student’s Union hosting a punk party on the Saturday night with Aftershock and the Windsurfing Clubs sponsors ,the Taf, giving away free drinks.

Despite the partying, Cardiff did well in the competition with Chris Brook winning the Expert Fleet Race and Amy Drake, Kerri Kielty, and Dave Baker winning their heats in the Beginner section. Chris Brooke generously donated his 1st prize of a weeks holiday in Fueventura to the Second prize winner Pete Boustred from Southampton.

Overall Northampton won the

The event attracted 150 competitors in it’s new home

Foiling the opposition Jonathan Brooke-Smith reports on Fencing Cardiff fencers have foiled all opponents in this years league matches so far, with the women slashing their way to victory away to Aberystwyth 46:90, and the men annihilating the recently promoted Plymouth, 87:135.

On the 16th of October the women’s team travelled to Aberystwyth to do battle. After a shaky start in the foil they picked up and responded with speed and pinpoint accuracy.

After denting the Aber spirit by winning the foil 19:45 they went on to win epee 26:45.

The epee began well but

most team points and Cambridge came away with a victory in the relay race.

One of the Baylord Organisers Oli Clegg was very pleased with the way the event went.

“It was a fantastic weekend with some great windsurfing in the days and major enjoyment in the nights.

Importantly, all the other Unions commented on how much they enjoyed it, and could not wait to come back next year. It is a tribute to all the hard work that the Cardiff Windsurfing Committee put in to organising Baylord that it has been seen as such a success ” The other Unions were not the only ones who were pleased with how the weekend went, the Cardiff Harbour Authority want Baylord to happen in the Bay again next year and they plan to work closely with the Windsurfing club to make the event even more of a success.

Polly Hills AU President congratulated the Windsurfing Club for the professionalism they showed in the way they organised such a huge event. She commented “The Committee worked so hard on this weekend and should be proud of themselves”.

With Baylord out of the way and the hangovers set to rest, Cardiff Windsurfers are looking forward to the next event at Rhosneigr on the 22-24th November, where once again they hope to be the Kings and Queens of the Water.

cancellation resulted in the forfeiting of the match in favour of Cardiff. The next match, away to Bristol on the 13 th of November, is Cardiff’s only potential opposition to winning the league this year.

Cardiff lost momentum mid 87:135, a modest thrashing!

The 23rd of October was way, but an aggressive fight back in which only four points booked for a home match were dropped in as many against Cranfield, but a late bouts ensured victory.

The men’s team had similar success away to Plymouth the same day. Plymouth, having just been promoted from a lower division, was an unknown quantity for Cardiff and they were keen to see what they were made of.

All doubts were laid to rest along with the Plymouth fencers as consistent scores of 16:45 in the foil, 33:45 in the epee and 38:45 in the sabre were gained by a sterling effort from the all of the visiting team.

The match ended with a total score of On November 13 Cardiff face Bristol, their strongest opponents

“Best. European player of the year age 22, World at his feet. All he has now is his liver in a jar by his bed. Page 25

Darren Campbell

IMG and BUSA ALL the Results from our legion of sporting stars in waiting. Pages 28 and 27

gair rhydd

Tells us why he won’t run for Wales. Page 24

Sport email gsport@hotmail.com

11 November 2002 - Issue 730

Uni side reach FA Cup proper Nick Byrne reporting

Earnshaw is upstaging ever other big name player at the club

PHOTO: GR ARCHIVES

Top of the league Bluebird Watch

Riath Al-Samarrai, Sports Editor

Cardiff City’s recent run of good form has seen them re-take pole position in the race for Division One football next season, and in doing so have restored lost pride to the capital following last summer’s play-off heartbreak.

This time round Bluebirds manager Lennie Lawrence is determined to avoid the lottery of a play-off, and with his current crop of players he believes they can go up as

champions.

"With the depth of squad that we have here, there is no way we shouldn’t be contending the title," and in pushing for the accolade he is fully aware of what is needed, "our home form has to be consistent first and foremost" And with victory in all of the last six home games, Ninian Park is fast becoming the ideal fortress for Lawrence and his troops to do battle.

Following on from an

League Div 2 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

CARDIFF CITY Oldham Athletic Wigan Athletic Bristol City QPR Brentford Crewe Alexandra Blackpool Chesterfield Luton Town Tranmere Rovers Wycombe Wanderers

Pl.

G.D.

Pts.

17 17 17 16 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17

16 20 17 16 11 5 9 2 -3 1 -11 -1

37 36 35 33 29 29 28 27 27 25 23 22

embarrassing 1-0 defeat away to Blackpool a fortnight ago, Lawrence rallied his men, calling for goals in the next home match against Tranmere Rovers to get back on track.

City dominated the encounter from the start both on and off the field, with the Grange End Terrace vocal as always, leaving the sparsely spread travelling support to offer little more than a couple of dull murmurs to the mighty Welsh roars.

The immense atmosphere generated by Cardiff’s small but cosy, dated but antique Ninian Park stadium is priceless for its intimate and intimidating qualities.

On the pitch, Rovers, once hopeful of Premiership football back in the days of the legendary John Aldridge, served up as little resistance as their loyal but depleted handful of fans.

The squad built by Sam Hamman’s millions has the strength and ability to break down even the most resolute of defences. Tranmere felt the full brunt of such strength on

their visit to Ninian Park.

Cardiff dominated the opening exchanges and got the goal that their possession deserved after half an hour.

Peter Thorne, playing a league below his ability as are many of the City squad, blasted his close range shot past John Achterberg in the visitor’s goal after his initial effort came back off a post.

The Bluebirds then doubled their lead on the stroke of half time through an Earnshaw penalty, harshly awarded after Tranmere captain Micky Mellon was adjudged to have handled the ball in the area.

Earnshaw added composure to his repertoire of attributes by coolly stepping up and sending the keeper the wrong way from the spot.

After the break Tranmere threw little back at Cardiff, not even bright young spark Ryan Taylor, an England Under-18 International, could light any fires in the home side’s back line.

Ten minutes from time Thorne bagged his second of the evening in a move that

Team Bath have reached the first round proper of the FA Cup with a penalty shoot-out victory over Horsham, and in doing so become the first student team to qualify in 122 years.

The students were level at 1-1 after extra-time in the home replay of their fourth qualifying round tie in front of 1,581 fans, before their tie went into its exciting climax.

They went on to take the shoot-out 4-2, and go on to face Mansfield, currently struggling at the foot of the 2nd division.

Their progress to the first round of the FA Cup has already given the world's oldest knockout competition a romantic glow.

No student team has played in the FA Cup first round since Oxford University and Cambridge University took part in the 1879/ 1880 season.

Team Bath has become a refuge for players unable to make the grade in the professional game.

They are all enrolled on full-time sports science courses at Bath University, but combine their studies with a tough training schedule.

"Clearly many professional footballers have never had the opportunity to go to university if

they didn't have the qualifications, so this programme is specially designed for them," explains Team Bath manager Ged Roddy.

A typical day starts with training at 8.30am for a couple of hours, before lectures begin at 11.

The player's academic work continues until 2.30pm or three o'clock, when they come back for their second training session of the day.

"It is not such a cushy number," Roddy said. "While the pros are resting up, our players are having to work pretty hard mentally."

Their success however comes as no surprise when looking at Bath University’s other sporting achievements, with almost 300 elite competitors across 13 sports, ranging from badminton to triathlon.

Bath University boasted 40 representatives at the Manchester Commonwealth Games, collecting a whopping 17 medals to add to the gold, silver and bronze won by Stephanie Cook, Kate Howey and Kate Allenby - all from the Bath stable - in the Sydney Olympics.

With that level of excellence to live up to the 5000/1 odds offered for Team Bath to be parading the FA Cup around the Millennium Stadium next May don’t look that bad at all.

Surprisingly, Cardiff have scored few goals despite their success embodied Cardiff City football under Lennie Lawrence.

Great control and vision by man-of-the-match Graham Kavanagh played in Earnshaw whose timely lay off gave substitute Chris Barker the space to pick-out Thorne with a pin-point cross, and the move was amply finished by a

bullet header across the goal by the former Stoke City man.

Moments later Rhys Weston nailed the fourth and final nail in the Tranmere coffin, scoring at the far post to round off a comprehensive victory.

Continued on Page 24

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