gair rhydd - Issue 823

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QUENCH CELEBRATES THE END OF SUMMER WITH A SURF SPECIAL

OUT O F POCKET Medic students left empty handed as University fails to tell loans company that they have enrolled

Katie Kennedy News Editor MANY CARDIFF medic students have not received their student loans on time, after the university failed to inform the Student Loans Company that they had enrolled.

It emerged this week that problems after the enrolment process meant that some students did not know that their loans would not be in their accounts, and as a result now have expensive fines from their banks for over-spending.

A student has told gair rhydd that over 60 of her fellow second year medical students have suffered a delay in receiving their loans.

Nadia Randazzo, a second-year medical student, did not get her loan on time despite attending enrolment and being told her finances were in order.

She said: “I’ve had no money to live off the past few weeks. And it’s happened to lots of other second year medics too.

“I registered at enrolment and was told my finance had cleared, but when I then wrote a cheque out, there was not enough money in my account to cover it.

“The cheque bounced twice so I’ve got a £76 charge and then I didn’t have enough money for my rent either so I got charged for not being able to pay my direct-debit and got charged £15 by the bank.

“I rang the Student Loan Company and they said that Cardiff University hadn’t enrolled me, even though I’d gone all the way to Talybont at 8.30 in the morning and was told that everything was fine.

“I finally got my loan on Tuesday, but we didn’t even get an apology.

And no one has contacted us. We’ve had no support and had no idea where to go to sort it out.

“I’ll try to get reimbursed for the bank charges. It wasn’t my fault.”

The university, though, does not think it is wholly to blame for the problem. A university spokesman said: “The University does not provide a guarantee to students regarding

Continued on Page 4

ISSUE 823 OCTOBER 16 2006

CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY free word - EST. 1972

Jobs&Money on careers and course complaints Pages 16&17 PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

EVERYBO DY’S SURFING

DI AN GUAR NT STU DE ZIN E MAGA E OF TH YE AR

Q U E N C H

GUARDIAN STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

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gairrhydd

NEWS

OCTOBER.16.2006 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM PHOTO: ADAM GASSON

At

a glance October 16 2006

News By-Elections Editorial & Opinion Politics Letters Health Science/Environment Jobs & Money Media Taf-Od Television Problem Page Grab Five Minute Fun Listings Sport

1 6 8 11 13 14 15 16 19 20 21 29 31 33 34 36

EDITOR Perri Lewis DEPUTY EDITOR Sophie Robehmed ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR Elaine Morgan CREATIVE EDITOR Graeme Porteous NEWS Adam Millward, Helen Thompson, Jo Dingle, Katie Kennedy POLITICS Andy Rennison EDITORIAL AND OPINION Ed Vanstone, Georgie Easton SPORT Dave Menon, George Pawley, Jon Berridge LISTINGS Jenna Harris, Rosaria Sgueglia TELEVISION TV Gareth, TV Grace, TV John, TV Neil, TV Jane LETTERS Rachel Clare GRAB Kayleigh Excell, Lisa Hocken TAF-OD Huw Pritchard SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT Ceri Morgan MEDIA Aline Ungewiss, Nadia Bonjour HEALTH Liz Stauber JOBS AND MONEY Gill Roberts PROBLEM PAGE Grace De Ville FIVE MIN FUN Lara Bell PICTURE EDITOR James Perou PROOF READERS Kieran Harwood, Andrew Rennison, Beth Herdman, Sarah Javan CONTRIBUTORS James Temperton, Karen Eeuwens, Emma Jones, William Taylor, Steve Myerscough, Jack Zorab, Samantha Shillabeer, Beth Ranjit, Rob Lennox, Rhys Hicks, Lisa Evans, Huw Foulkes, Elain Llwyd, Amy Howes, Rob Cook, Angharad Jones, Adam Gasson ADDRESS University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN ADVERTISING 02920 781 474 EMAIL gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com WEB www.gairrhydd.com LOCATION 4th Floor Students’ Union

James Temperton Reporter LAST WEEK gair rhydd reported that from next September, the Welsh Assembly will be forking out for the top-up fees of students from the EU. It has now been announced that the Assembly Government will essentially pick up a £14m tab to subsidise English students, studying in Wales, for one more year.

This change in policy is due to an anomaly that arose from a Labour Assembly Government election promise. English graduates, like students coming from the EU, will receive a grant worth up to £1,800.

This will make up the difference between the current £1,200 fee and the £3,000 fee set to take its place.

However, where EU students are to receive financial support indefinitely, English students will only have access to this fund for the oncoming academic year.

Welsh Higher Education Institutions (HEIs) argued that they would be at a significant financial disadvantage to English HEIs if they were not provided with the

extra cash to compensate the top-up fees. As the result of considerable lobbying, the Assembly Government agreed to pay out £33.5m.

With more than 40% of students studying in Wales coming from England, this means that the portion of funding going to English students amounts to nearly £14m.

An Assembly Government spokeswoman stated: “The Welsh Assembly Government is not paying for English, Welsh, EU and International student fees in Wales.

“What the Assembly Government is doing is delivering on its commitment to ensure that no HEI in Wales loses out financially as a result of the different fee regimes which are operating in Wales and England this academic year.”

While this comes as good news for English students, Welsh Liberal Democrat education spokesman, Peter Black, voiced concern that the subsidy would be used as an excuse by the Assembly Government not to bridge the existing funding gap between Welsh and English universities.

English: Fee Grant For One More Year ASSEMBLY: Forking out £14million

Frustrated sex shells Karen Eeuwens Reporter

MUSSLES: A fishy business

A SEX-DROUGHT among freshwater molluscs appears to be coming to an end, as intervention by the Environment Agency has helped combat their low libido.

95% of juvenile mussels die in the wild before reaching sexual maturity, primarily due to water pollution.

Experts feared the species was facing extinction, but an orgy of reproduction at Mawddach Hatchery in Wales has

seen the population explode.

“From 70 mature freshwater pearl mussels we saved from isolation in Welsh rivers, around 70,000 juveniles have emerged”, said hatchery manager Keith Scriven.

The notoriously celibate molluscs can be found in small numbers in 22 rivers in England and Wales. But reports show they are only reproducing successfully in one of them.

Keith Scriven explained that the species used to be found packed together in dense beds, allowing the

horny molluscs to reproduce through a sort of ‘group sex’.

But a massive decline in numbers has left many surviving specimens in empty beds, enduring a life of celibacy.

Anne Lewis, the Environment Agency’s pearl mussel specialist, is optimistic about the success of the breeding programme.

She said: “We hope to be introducing tens of thousands of freshwater pearl mussels back into Welsh rivers by the end of the decade.”

Golden Boris

Points mean cash prizes under new Tory initiative Emma Jones Reporter SUBSTANTIAL CASH payments should be awarded to university students who gain the highest marks in their degrees, it has been suggested.

Boris Johnson, the Shadow Minister for Higher Education believes that the new ‘golden handshakes’ would act as an incentive for students to work hard, whilst discouraging universities to hand out so many first class degrees.

He said: “If universities were offering substantial sums to those

who do well in finals, they might be discouraged from being so profligate with the numbers of first class and upper seconds they award.”

Mr Johnson hoped that businesses and alumni would provide the funds for the reward payments for graduates, but that it would be up to the universities themselves to decide on the number of rewards and the amount.

He also stressed that it should be a substantial sum in order to help the most distinguished students pay off their loans before the next stage of their career.

BORIS: He’s an MP/ celebrity football player

gairrhydd

NEWS

OCTOBER.16.2006 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

Pissing Your Loan Away SEVEN CARDIFF University students have been issued with a fixed penalty notice since the start of term, the police have reported.

The penalty was introduced in an attempt to tackle disorderly behaviour.

The offence will not be recorded as a conviction, but the students will each receive an on-the-spot fine of at least £80.

The fixed penalty notices (FPNs) that have been issued to Cardiff students have been for various offences, from making excessive noise to urinating in a public place.

Other actions that can result in an

FPN are dropping litter and minor graffiti.

PC Bob Keohane, the Student Liaison Officer, said: “The police are not against students having a good time, but you’ve got to respect other residents’ rights when moving around Cardiff late at night.”

This news coincides with a crimeawareness drive by Cardiff police, encouraging students to take care while out at night. Over 70 students have had property stolen since term began, with the busiest bars and clubs proving to be the locations most targeted by thieves.

3

Buff Up Boys!

Clocking - In Steve Myerscough Reporter A SOUTH WALES university is using a new electronic monitoring system to record students’ levels of attendance at lectures.

Glamorgan University has developed the system, called Uni-Nanny, to help reduce drop-out rates, which currently show that one in seven students in the UK do not finish their course.

The scheme aims to do this by identifying those students who have poor attendance records and may therefore be struggling with their course.

The system has been on trial at Glamorgan for a year and over 1000 students are now using the technology which requires them to swipe an electronic baton over their own micro-chipped key fob.

Many previously sceptical students are now supportive of the idea, with the university claiming they have already been able to identify and help students that otherwise

would have dropped off their course.

The system is also on trial at a university in Edinburgh and nine other universities have expressed an interest in using it.

Steve Thomas, principal lecturer at Glamorgan University, said: “Monitoring attendances at university is not new; traditionally lecturers have passed a piece of paper around the classroom.”

The president of NUS, Gemma Tumelty said that: “Rather than employing draconian tactics and treating these students like criminals by effectively tagging them… we believe more should be done to address the underlying reasons behind poor attendances.”

k n i h t OU nto Y o d What clocking i about es? lectur

A company is looking for Cardiff’s hottest men to serve scantily-clad at the city’s hen parties William Taylor Reporter COULD YOU cut it as a butler in the buff?

Butlers in the Buff Ltd are searching for Cardiff’s most handsome young men to bare their bottoms!

Experts in etiquette, the company offers gorgeous male waiters with impeccable manners and bodies to service parties, events and hen nights.

Operations Director, Will Jones says: “We offer a high end service which makes any party exciting and

memorable.

Customers are as impressed with our butler’s personalities and charming manner as they are with their toned bodies!”

Buff Butlers serve wearing only a bow tie, collar, cuffs and a bottomrevealing apron.

Current Cardiff Butler Owain Evans stated: “I love the job; at first you’re nervous but you soon forget that your bum is on display and the reaction from guests is always positive.”

‘Butlers in the Buff’ provide a full training program to all new recruits to ensure that they only pro-

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vide butlers of the highest quality.

The new butlers will be chosen through ‘X-Factor’ style auditions at Cardiff’s Henry Africa’s Hothouse by a team of judges, including the Directors of Butlers in the Buff and a selection of female competition winners.

If you think you can wow the judges in the buff then don your bottom revealing aprons and bow ties and turn up at Henry Africa’s Hothouse on St Mary’s Street on Wednesday November 8 between 7pm and 10pm.

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gairrhydd

NEWS

OCTOBER.16.2006 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

Debt Death

Parents of student who commited suicide over his overdraft criticise his bank Joanna Dingle News Editor HSBC HAS been criticised after a Swansea student hanged himself days after his overdraft was withdrawn.

Geriant Banks-Wilkinson, 20, was studying computing at Swansea Institute before his death in January.

His parents have spoken about the way his bank treated him, and his financial difficulties.

Speaking after the hearing, where a suicide verdict was recorded, Mr Banks-Wilkinson’s father, Geoff, said: “The way they treated him was appalling.

“He was not afraid of a bit of work, and was doing his studies as well, but could not do everything”.

A statement from HSBC read: “HSBC again offers its sincere condolences to the family and friends of Geraint Banks-

Wilkinson.”

The bank went on to say that it recognised how losing control of debt was “enormously stressful.”

“At HSBC we make every possible effort to reach customers the moment we begin to see signs of financial difficulty,” said a spokesman. “Not to do so would be irresponsible.”

Mr Banks-Wilkinson had problems with money, despite having a part time job, and throughout December 2005, HSBC had tried to contact him almost everyday.

Over the Christmas period, a student loan was paid into his HSBC account, paying off most of his £1,200 overdraft, which was subsequently closed by the bank.

After the hearing, Coroner Philip Rogers said: “This is clearly a very sad case - the death of a young man with a promising future.”

STUDENTS FEEL THE PRESSURE Joanna Dingle News Editor MANY students can look forward to a future of worrying debt, the National Union of Students (NUS) has predicted.

The sheer amount of students facing financial difficulties is a concern for the NUS, especially because of the mental illnesses and stress some people may suffer from it.

Gemma Tumelty, NUS National President, said: “Even with the funding available through bursaries and grants, many students will have a real struggle to make ends meet.

“As a result, students may have to take on more commercial debt, such as bank loans and overdrafts to cover this.”

Alex Kemp, NUS Disabled Students’ Officer, said: “Managing debt can be extremely stressful and it is becoming increasingly clear that high levels of debt are having an adverse effect on students’ mental health.”

DEBT: Students’ suffering A Cardiff Journalism student, who declined to be named, said: “It really bothers me that I don’t have any money now, and I won’t have any money in the future.

“I’m doing a course where I won’t have a very well paid job to begin with, yet I still have the same debts as someone who’s going to become a lawyer or banker.”

In contrast, 3rd year student Lara Bell added: “To be honest, I don’t believe that putting myself in debt to get an education is a bad thing.

“Yes, we’ll be paying it back for years to come, but it’s only around £10 a week – the same price of a CD.” If you have money worries, do not hesitate to visit the Student

Out of pocket Continued from front:

Decide the Union’s future STUDENT COUNCIL, the Students’ Union’s governing body, will meet for the first time on Tuesday.

The event, which will take place at 6.30pm in the Aneurin Bevan room in the Union, is where students make decisions on the issues that face them.

Over 140 students have already signed up for the meeting, which already has a number of issues already on the agenda.

Kate Monaghan, Education and Wellfare Officer, has proposed an overhaul of the representations structures that allow students to voice their concerns about their courses and President, Joe Al-Khayat, will propose a motion designed to bring the Union's anti top-up fees policies up-to-date for the NUS Campaign, Admission Impossible (pictured above). In addition, the budgets for societies and the AU will be presented for approval.

Ed Jones, Vice President said "This year sees some major issues for Student Council like the fees debate and the design and contents of a new £25m Students' Union building. We're excited about the new term and want to see students from all across the Union body coming together to decide our future."

WANTED: Fresh

Film Talent

Welsh student with Hollywood backing looks for budding young stars Sophie Robehmed Deupty Editor A YOUNG film-maker is searching for the best of Wales’ actors, stylists and make-up artists for a new welsh film project supported by Hollywood.

Tony Lane, a third-year student at the International Film School Wales, in Newport, is near completion of a 90-minute horror spoof film, Attack of The Not Quite Dead, which he hopes will see similar success as that of The Blair Witch Project.

The aspiring film-maker is already making a name for himself in the

industry having founded the Indywood project four months ago to promote the work of independent film-makers globally through an online magazine and website.

American independent film director, JR Bookwalter, and Hollywood special effects and make-up artist, Rich Knight, whose credentials include hit TV series, The X-Files, and blockbusters, X-Men 3 and Poseidon, have been supporting the venture.

In fact, Mr Knight is so committed to the Indywood project that he is willing to waive his Hollywood fee and do the special effects and as an actor, play one of the leading roles,

completely free of charge.

He said: “Indywood represents the future of independent film. It’s a great resource for indy filmmakers all over the world to showcase their work directly to the people that matter the most, the fans.”

Tony added: “I’m looking for anyone who can help turn my dream into a reality. My dream is that a studio picks it up when we take it to the festivals and gives it a theatrical release.”

Shooting will begin in June 2007 at locations around Brecon, which leaves him with a mere eight months to find the £20, 000 budget, cast and crew.

the payment of loans by the Student Loan Company.

“Students are responsible for carefully monitoring and planning their finances.

“All students who have contacted the University should have now received a loan payment from the Student Loan Company.”

But Chris Brown, another second year medic student, is yet to receive his loan. He said: “I still haven’t got it and I don’t know when I’m going to get it. All I’ve been told so far is that it’s going to take a while. The staff at the enrolment registry apparently work part-time now and so not everyone can be sorted out at once.

“I’m in my overdraft by a big amount now and don’t know when I will have my loan to pay it back.”

The university claim that almost 17,000 students were registered successfully, but have not told gair rhydd how many students were affected by the problems at enrolment.

Commenting on the many students who did not receive their loans on time without warning, a University spokesman said: “Unfortunately, due to an administrative error, their registration had not been successfully processed and the University regrets any inconvenience caused as a result.

There are plans to improve the administration process next year. The spokesman added: “The University is planning to implement an online registration process which should help minimise any undue delay in the registration of students.”

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gairrhydd

WORLD NEWS

OCTOBER.16.2006 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

World News In Brief Victoria Lane Reporter

‘Scissor Sandwich’, anyone?

Hiss off car thieves!

A SERBIAN pet shop owner from Belgrade has been arrested for using a 6ft snake as opposed to a car alarm.

Radovan Darkic would leave the snake in his E-Class Mercedes every evening, as he couldn't afford to fit a proper alarm. Darkic was arrested due to the snake escaping out of an open window, endangering members of the public.

He said: “I only wanted to make sure that even if I couldn't take revenge on anyone who dared to rob my car then at least the snake could do it for me.”

FOOTBALL IS known as the beautiful game, but can it settle arguments or decide a tied or drawn contest?

This winter sees the annual Rock Paper Scissors championship take place on November 11 in Toronto, so it would seem the time is ripe to take a closer look, raise awareness and perhaps tip our hats to this classic game.

The World championship celebrates RPS as a sport, and with $10, 000 prize money up for grabs, the game takes on a whole new outlook.

A lot of the ideas are worth bearing in mind for all those important occasions such as when there’s only one pizza slice left on offer at four in the morning.

The chaos theory is mathematically the optimum strategy to play as its random nature is unpredictable.

But often in an effort to be truly random people make themselves

ILLUSTRATION: JAMES PEROU

Jack Zorab Reporter

more predictable, so try and steer clear from this. Rather find a pattern of play to suit you such as the ‘avalanche’ - rock, rock, rock. Or ‘scissor sandwich’ - paper, scissor, paper.

A top tactic for ladies to employ

though is midriff exposure, it can put even a quality thrower off his game and that's half the battle won.

The sport is growing in the USA, but Canada remains the hotbed of high class throwing. In fact,

Villagers driven out of homes by herd of elephants grieving for lost friend Sand car-stle AN 80-YEAR-OLD German motorist who put far too much faith in his GPS navigation system ploughed into a huge pile of sand.

The driver crashed his Mercedes in Hamburg after ignoring a 'closed for construction' sign, assuming the GPS would know about the obstruction.

His trip was brought to an abrupt end after the collision, however both the driver and his wife escaped uninjured.

Elephant run Me, myself and 999 A VOLUNTEER community responder for Hampshire Ambulance Service was called to his own emergency after receiving a pager message to his own house.

Roger Flux's wife called 999 after her husband was having a suspected heart attack. Mr Flux was on call that evening and was told to attend a man with chest pains at his own address.

Mr Flux, who later saw the funny side, said: “At least it shows the system works.”

Samantha Shillabeer Reporter

RESIDENTS OF a small village in the Indian state of Jharkhand are being forced to flee their homes because of a group of rioting elephants.

The animals have been charging through the village of Banta ever since the death of one of their herd, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

Their wild behaviour has been seen as an expression of grief for their lost friend, who died last week.

The 17-year-old female elephant wandered off from a local forest, and

was unable to find her way back. She became disorientated and fell into an irrigation ditch, causing her to drown and die. Local residents gave the elephant a quiet burial to celebrate her life, but the remaining herd have been raiding the village ever since.

The fourteen rampaging elephants have caused considerable damage, destroying crops and homes.

Thousands of farmers and their families have been forced to evacuate the area. Many are staying with friends or relatives, but local officials have also been required to offer temporary housing.

Extreme measures have been taken to try to remove the angry elephants

from the area. “We have now formed a team of 30 people armed with crackers to try and chase away the elephants as they are out to avenge the death of their mate,” UR Biswas, Jharkhand’s leading forests official, told reporters.

Local residents are also doing their bit to try to drive the animals away.

“The few of us left are lighting huge bonfires to keep the elephants at bay without success,” explained villager Sambhu Mahato.

With forest cover decreasing in many parts of India, elephants and other animals are being forced to leave their homes to look for food. This is causing an increasing number of conflicts with local residents.

Canadians have won the World Series for the last four years.

Surprisingly no Japanese competitors have established themselves, as Japan is where RPS was invented in the late 19th-century.

Silenced Adam Millward News Editor

THE INTERNATIONAL journalism community is in uproar over the murder of controversial Russian reporter, Anna Politkovskaya.

She was found shot dead in an elevator in her apartment block in central Moscow. The gun was found at the scene, but beside some grainy CCTV footage of a man wearing a baseball cap following her, there is little evidence pointing to the culprit.

Politkovskaya worked at the Novaya Gazeta, who are now offering a 25-million-rouble (£500,000) reward for information that will aid the case.

The 48-year-old journalist was renowned for her investigative reporting. She was a major critic of the Russian government, and in particular the poor human rights she uncovered in Chechnya.

For this reason, there is much talk that the Russian President, Vladimir Putin and his government may have had some involvement in the killing.

President Putin has denied all allegations, stating: “…all the necessary efforts toward an objective investigation into the tragic death” would be made.

Defenders of the government’s innocence have also pointed out that Politkovskaya had received numerous death threats and that she had made many enemies throughout her career.

According to the Committee to Protect Journalists (based in New York), Russia is the third most deadly country for journalists, after Iraq and Algeria. Since 1993, it is believed that at least 43 journalists have been killed as a result of their work.

Police estimate that 3,000 attended the reporter’s funeral and emotions were running high. Yasen Zasursky, Dean of Moscow University’s journalism faculty, said: “This is a tragedy for Russia. They executed our conscience.”

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gairrhydd

NEWS

OCTOBER.16.2006

NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

CARDIFF UNION A

number of eager and able students will be campaigning over the next week for your vote in the Students’ Union byelections. As Vice President, I, with the help of our tireless staff within the Union, coordinate Union elections and act as the Deputy Returning Officer. I have the utmost respect for all of these can-

le g n i D Jo

didates who will be working extremely hard to listen to your concerns and offer their ideas.

Eight students with a host of ideas and experiences will be battling it out for spaces on the Union's Executive and the ability to fight for the interests of the student body.

It is so important that we continue to prove that we do care about

AU VICE PRESIDENT

r t and out spo g othb a te a sion ragin I’m pas y enjoy encou proud of d o ll ir s a h T re m phy, would t involved. I’ ur universiGeogra o e g e d n n to ri a a s er : M nion hard to Course U, our u work really iff. I’d etball, A N r u o : would t Card uba Year Played & Sc ty, and spor t here a the media, Spor ts , Surfing h te it o w less on prom or ts at liais romote the porre Sowsp g im a is e t p need b or Diving. o you feel sp want to clubs who o. I’m d n a d Why ity? ever y- mainstream nd funding to love univers d nity for tant at great oppor tu You get to recognition a oachable an more r t p d. e p d g e a n It’s a lv a , o o t v love friendly get in dents people one to ads of new , the social people. I’d represent stu s lo d lu d an meet d fit. P s and sociinvolve ice President. tive an b V stay ac d to AU clu ne.

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Why s ice Presiden UV to be A

to the candidates, who have given up so much of their time, and ensure that we take the sixty seconds needed to vote next Thursday and Friday (October 19th & 20th). I hope everybody, including the candidates, enjoys the campaigning season and has their say on polling day.

who takes charge of the Union and who represents us to groups inside the University and beyond.

Next week's candidates will be putting an enormous amount of effort into communicating with all students for six unpaid but crucial roles within the Student Community. I urge all of us to take a little time to pay some attention

James

Sexton

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A le represe nd finally, you am environ- worked with I’ve also pre and s v nt Card o iously a a m n re d e able to of am pa iff U Why sh ssiona the charities aspect ould pe niversity. t e o ople vo make a f the position about this te for y , and w differen ou ant to ce.

Jo Plummer

Kate Marsh

HEALTH AND WELFARE What are your main policies?

“Cardiff University and the Union have so many facilities and opportunities for students, and I think they need to grab them by the balls and take them. Grab the bull by the balls!”

“I’m continuing a campaign for a first aid room at the Union. It would be nice to establish somewhere at the Union as a first aid area so that when there are gigs and events there would be a designated area. We’re also continuing talks with the Union to have a dedicated first aid area for gigs in CF10.”

“Even if I don’t get elected I’d like to feel that people are more aware of the SDU and SAC at the Union. People just don’t know about these opportunities.

It’s such a shame that students don’t know about them. If I was elected I could help to promote the facilities so that students can use them and improve themselves through the services offered.”

“I’ll be looking to help make students more aware of their rights in terms of housing. Student housing can be quite poor and I would be looking to improve that a lot. Another big problem is sexual health. I want to work closely with the SHAG team and get them better known in the university by making them more approachable for students and getting them out on student nights! Also I’d be looking to try and create a GUM [genito-urinary medicine] clinic within the University for STD testing” “An approachable anti-bullying service to help students is important. I’d like to create some sort of leaflet guide to help students have a healthy lifestyle while at university.”

“Kate Cares: I’m here for the students to make their health and welfare better at Cardiff University!”

Electio n Thursd takes place ay

BY-ELECTIONS Hannah is in 3rd year, Education What are the main aims for your campaign?

“I would like to conduct research into current accessibility around the University and look towards improving this accessibility, particularly in the Union, where it is relatively limited. I also want to place larger emphasis on mental health and to raise awareness amongst students.”

Hannah Fanon STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES OFFICER

How do you plan to raise awareness?

“I am hoping to hold events in

How is your campaigning going?

No one is running against me at the moment so I won’t be actively campaigning. However I don’t just want to win the post just because no one else was running for it. I would like to gain votes to give myself more grounding in the position.

What are your main policies?

I want to act as a liaison between postgraduates and the student union. After speaking to postgrad-

Nikhil Thakkr POSTGRAD OFFICER

19 20 Friday

aid of charities such as ‘MIND’ and ‘Depression Alliance’ to help get people involved, making them more conscious of mental health problems and not just physical disabilities.”

Why are you the right person for the job?

“I feel I will provide good representation for a wide range of people. I am also a good listener and want to ensure that there is more help readily available for anyone who may need it.”

If there are any enquiries or you wish to get involved, e-mail Hannah at farronh@hotmail.co.uk

uates this year, especially those from other universities, I’ve found they don’t feel as comfortable going to the events in the union, such as Rubber Duck, as they feel its more for undergraduates. I would like to make more events accessible to them.

I would also like to help to better integrate international postgraduate students and set up a buddy system between them and British postgraduate students.

WOMEN’S OFFICER Why did you decide to run for the position of women’s officer?

I ran for the position of education and welfare officer in March, and although I missed out on that role, I still want to get involved in the Union and get my views across.

What are your policies and aims?

I think it’s important that I support the NUS Women’s Officer and her campaigns, which include the important issue of gender pay dif-

MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER What will your main goals be if elected?

My main goal will be campaigning for better facilities for mature students at Heath Park. All we have at the moment is a cafeteria everyone shares.

The graduate facilities at Park Place are impressive but they are quite far "down the road" from Heath Park. This doesn’t help to integrate med students with the rest of the university and isn’t open to mature students who really need some of the same facilities.

Why are you the right person for Mature Students Officer?

Well, I am a mature student, although a young one at 25. I was a sabbatical last year and already have plenty of experience and contacts from doing casework for

students.

Worryingly, most of these were mature students, which suggests that the university still isn’t getting it quite right, something I want to change.

Interviews by Jess, James Temperton, Emily Harris, Lee Macaulay and Kate Garner

ference. Equally, promoting safe sex and contraception advice for women is another top priority for me.

Why should people vote for you?

I have a lot of experience in dealing with the University – I’ve been an educational councillor for 2 years and also sat on the University senate. I think that having knowledge about how the university is run is the key to really making a difference.

8

gairrhydd

EDITORIAL & OPINION freewords the voice of gairrhydd

Est. 1972

Students in apathy shocker

Although over 140 people have signed up to attend student council, the body that governs the Students’ Union, the sad fact is that very few of them will actually turn up.

Over the years it has become increasingly hard to get students to attend the meetings, which are absolutely vital to the democracy of the Union. Even promises of free summer ball tickets and CV-boosting qualifications haven’t been enough to ensure that over 50 people turn up to the meetings.

To some, 50 people at a meeting might seem a lot, but when these 50 people are representing the views of over 25,000 Cardiff students, the number pales into insignificance. 50 students is simply not enough.

This year it is hoped that the change of date, from a Monday to a Tuesday, will allow more people to attend: they won’t be put off going because they have sport practice, or just fancy a trip to Fun Factory. In reality, however, it’s not going to increase numbers. It’s not the day that puts them off going, it’s the fact that student council meetings appear relatively unimportant. This could not be further from the truth.

Without student council, the Union could not function: they wouldn’t know what students wanted out of their Union. Without student council, the sabbatical team could stay in their office all day doing little to represent the student who elected them. Without student council, the democracy of the Union would be totally undermined.

Let’s hope that on Tuesday the 140 people who signed up turn up. It’s unlikely, but we can hope.

Medics all a-loan

BY THE TIME gair rhydd hits the streets, it is hoped that the medics who did not receive their student loans because of an administration error will have received their money.

It’s a great shame that many of them may have missed out on freshers’ week activities or have run up debts because of their lack of funds.

All the University can do is learn from this year and make positive changes to ensure it does not happen again. As they aim to introduce electronic registration by next September it seems like they are already doing this.

Awards galore

CARDIFF’S STUDENT media has had a good week: gair rhydd, Quench and Xpress radio have all been short-listed for the most prestigious student media wards in the UK. It is a huge achievement to be recognised in these various categories when competition is so high. It does make the long hours, anti-social hermit-like ways of the student media teams worth it.It also gives them recognition for the fantastic work they do, week in, week out.

OCTOBER.16.2006 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

A few screws loose Beth Ranjit discovers the pleasures and the pitfalls of giving her house the Ikea treatment

A

s I moved into my new house, I smiled at my regained freedom and the stupid amount of mail that accumulates in two months. And then I set about constructing my furniture.

I like flat-pack furniture – there’s something very satisfying about fitting everything together and seeing the finished product, knowing “I did that”. Presumably it’s even more fulfilling to build the whole lot from scratch, but I possess neither the skill nor the time.

On a mission, my family and I approached Ikea. I’d never set foot in the place before and didn’t quite know what to expect. The first part is nice: wandering around, looking at pretty little fake rooms and deciding which bedside table matches which bookcase. Then, you’re forced to enter the mini Hell that is finding all the packs and manhandling them onto a trolley. Thank goodness there were three of us or we never would have balanced a double mattress and the six or so packages required on two trolleys, neither of which (in the tradition of trolleys everywhere) steered straight. There was also the minor problem of not all of the items being in stock, so I’d have to wait for my carefully-chosen bookcase and matching bureau.

Once the delivery was arranged, it all seemed perfectly simple. I would deceive my father into believing that he could put some things together when he visited (after seeing what he did with my desk at home, he was coming nowhere near my new furniture) and then I would get on with the whole business of preparing a bedroom.

I started with something simple – a bedside table. It all went very smoothly (although the door hangs a little askew, but nobody really notices) and I was on a roll. The next challenge was the chest of drawers, and that also went off without a hitch. Now I was extremely confident and though my soft delicate hands were starting to

hurt from the screwdrivers, I persevered and started work on my double bed.

There is a reason they advise that two people are needed to construct such things. My arms do not stretch very far at the best of times, but from one end of a double bed to the other was pushing it slightly. However, with the assistance of the wall and eventually working out how the slats were meant to stay on the frame, my mission was complete. Exhausted, I slept on my newly-assembled bed, extremely pleased with myself.

I discovered that one side had only half the holes drilled Coercing one of my friends from the valleys to join me, we headed to Ikea to pick up my other packages, only to discover the bookcase wouldn’t fit in his car. Undeterred, we picked up the bureau and headed back, determined to start work on the wardrobe. While I am rather short, my friend is beyond six foot, so I thought we had a good chance of success.

Unfortunately, the wardrobe had other ideas and threatened to collapse on our heads. With careful manoeuvring, we avoided damage to said skulls but the lamented wardrobe was beyond repair and we were too shocked to continue. Later, I discovered from an Ikea designer, (my mother seems to know everyone), that their wardrobes are notoriously unstable and one should look elsewhere. Well, thank you, that advice would have been very helpful before now.

I decided to consult Argos Online.

They were very efficient and delivered my wardrobe and bookcase within two days, with a dining table and chairs within two weeks. My housemate put together the table in my absence and it stands very sturdy.

IKEA: You’ll never leave Learning from my mistakes, the wardrobe was made of poles and denim and took all of five minutes to assemble. I thought the bookcase would be as easy.

And things were looking hopeful.

The pieces were carefully labelled with stickers and although Step One seemed to last three pages, it was all going swimmingly. Then I discovered that one side had only half the holes drilled. I possess no drill, and even if I did, I probably would not possess

drill bits of the size required. I dutifully called the Customer Service department and eagerly await their response.

Until then, I will continue to live out of bin liners and boxes and seriously reconsider my love of flat-packs.

My soft delicate hands were starting to hurt from the screwdrivers

gairrhydd

9

EDITORIAL & OPINION

OCTOBER.16.2006 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

Humanity On Its Last Legs Ed Vanstone argues that climate change is the greatest threat facing the world today, and we are all living in ignorance of the severity of the situation

I

like to think of myself as a relatively eco-friendly person. I don't leave electrical equipment on stand-by; I rarely drive a car; I chuck the things that are meant to go in the green recycling bag into the green recycling bag. But when the last sentient creatures of our planet expire, it might well be because of people like me.

Nobody knows the exact global temperature of the point of no return that value of atmospheric heat at which our ecosystems will collapse, the permafrost will melt, and the planet will descend exponentially towards a climatic chaos which cannot support life.

The latest research, however, proposes that a global rise of 2°C would be enough to put us beyond the threshold.

If our current level of atmospheric carbon dioxide concentration remains the same, we stand to reach this point in about twenty five years.

grandiose, but it's true.

Cheap flights have become something that we all feel we deserve and are entitled to; they are an intrinsic part of most of our lives, and to take them away is a harsh blow. Perhaps it will prove to be too harsh. Which prominent politician is going to have the guts to stand up and tax flights to the extent that is needed? Only one that is prepared to risk losing an election by doing what is vital and right. I'm really

We have to make a conscious and great effort to change our lifestyles

A global rise of 2°C would be enough to put us beyond the threshold It is not for nothing that Professor Stephen Hawking recently used the Internet to ask the distinctly unsettling question: How can human beings sustain another hundred years? Upon pressure to give his own response, Hawking said, “I don't know the answer. That is why I asked the question”. He went on to suggest that colonisation of other planets - a course far beyond the reach of current technology - may come to be our best option. One of the smartest men in the world clearly thinks that time on Earth for Homo sapiens is quickly running out.

In his recent book, Heat: How to Stop the Planet Burning, the environmental journalist George Monbiot states that, if we are to screech our SUVs to a halt before the point of no return, we must reduce global carbon emissions by 60%. For us citizens of the gas-guzzling West, this means a 90% reduction.

It is a tendency of writers on the environment, such as Monbiot, to employ an optimistic tone. When dealing with the terrifying facts and figures, which tell of our impending blustery doom, a reader needs something positive to cling to so that they avoid adopting a pleasantly nihilistic, “Ahwell-we're-all-going-to-die-so-Imight-as-well-go-see-Madagascarbefore-it-sinks” attitude.

I, however, have never been an optimist. The Kyoto protocol - which, remember, the U.S.A, China and India did not sign up for - called for a 5.2% decrease in carbon emissions by 2012.

The UK may yet fail at even this modest enterprise.

I would love to say that I believed the imperative 90% decrease in the emissions of the richest countries will happen. But I don't. What I do think

CLIMATE CHANGE: Too little too late?

Unless the vast majority of flights are grounded, the human race will die out remarkably soon will happen would not make pretty reading. In short, it involves lots of wind, heat and rain and in the end nobody wins except the cockroaches.

But, hey, like I said, I'm not an optimist. And besides, just because you think you are going to fail, it doesn't mean you don't try. There's nothing more satisfying than succeeding against the odds.

As I write, David Miliband and Margaret Beckett - the environment secretary and foreign secretary respectively - are in Mexico at a G8 meeting designed to found a post-Kyoto environment deal. At this meeting, a clever chap called Sir Nicholas Stern is presenting his study on the economic benefits of tackling climate change now.

Talking about economics is

doubtlessly the right tactic. We have gone past appealing to world leaders' intellects and consciences. It has not worked. The only way to make any progress is to appeal to their wallets.

When and if dynamic action begins, it will come not because Bush and co. are appalled by the thousands upon thousands of deaths dealt by the Boxing Day tidal wave, the Pakistan Earthquake and Hurricane Katrina; it will come because they are appalled by the projected costs of rebuilding and providing aid when these events become common occurrences in a climatically unstable future.

What the meeting in Mexico also shows is that our politicians still have not grasped the sheer enormity of the challenge ahead of us. If they had, would they not be setting the right example and having a video conference rather than flying? A return trip to Mexico releases more carbon emissions per person than that person is able to 'spend' in a year under a 90% emission reduction.

Air travel today, thanks to companies like Ryanair, is something that even the poorest student can afford.

Environmentally, however, it is the

single thing that we absolutely cannot.

There is no environmentally friendly alternative fuel for planes. There is not even the hope of one in the near future. Unless, sooner rather than later, the vast majority of flights are grounded, the human race will die out remarkably soon. It sounds ridiculously

Until we are forced by price or policy to stop flying, we won’t

not sure that this politician exists.

The crux of the problem is psychological: it is so easy to justify to oneself that it is ok to travel in planes.

Hey, everybody's doing it, right? And even if you don't buy that cheap ticket, somebody else will. The plane will fly regardless. You might as well treat yourself.

The sad fact of the matter is that until we are forced by price or policy to stop flying, we won't. Not even those of us who are fully aware of the environmental impact of our actions.

When I finish my final year in June, I would like to travel around Europe with some friends. Unless flight prices rise dramatically, I expect plane journeys will form a large proportion of the journey. I will probably justify it to myself by offsetting my carbon emissions - a distinctly dodgy enterprise, devoid of independent regulation, and of questionable impact - and soothing myself with the age-old mantra: 'What does one more person matter?'

It is not enough to stop leaving electrical equipment on stand by; it is not enough to recycle and rarely drive a car; it is certainly not enough to write an article lamenting how hopeless you and everyone else is. What we have to do is stop flying. We have to make a conscious and great effort to change our lifestyles in order to cut carbon emissions. We have to all become fully aware of the colossal scale of the task facing us.

I don't see it happening. Check the facts, get scared, get angry, and prove me wrong.

Want to write for the UK’s best student newspaper?

Come up and see us on the 4th floor of the Union

gairrhydd

11

POLITICS

OCTOBER.16.2006 POLITICS@gairrhydd.COM

Club Nuke Blair in the ‘doch Rob Lennox Political Correspondent

N

orth Korea's apparently successful nuclear test has made them the ninth member of the Nuclear Club and has sent the world's media into a frenzy. But how does this development fit in on a world scale?

The USA were of course the first to develop nuclear arms and are the only nation to have ever used any nukes in conflict, dropping them against Hiroshima and Nagasaki to end the Second World War. The Americans currently have over 5,000 active warheads and have made little effort to comply with the Nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty in scaling back their nuclear programme.

The USSR developed various nuclear arms in the years immediately following World War Two with the aim of securing a balance of power.

Following the Soviet split, all weapons officially became the property of the Russian government.

Additionally, all warheads in the possession of former Soviet states such as Belarus, Ukraine and Kazakhstan passed to Russia in the mid 90s. Russia is estimated to have around 6,000 active warheads, far fewer than at the peak of the Cold war.

Despite their proximity to Kim Jong-Il’s regime, Russia has tended to be less diplomatically aggressive towards North Korea than the US. Of the five nations permitted nuclear arms by the 1968 Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, the UK and

weapons after the Soviet split in 1964.

They have relatively few warheads, numbering somewhere around 130.

China remains North Korea’s closest ally, providing around 70% of the country’s food, among other things.

But even they have condemned the recent test as “brazen”.

Israel is notable for its absence from the NPT, and have never confirmed or denied the extent of their nuclear program. The International Atomic Energy Agency believes Israel to be in possession of warheads, and estimates have been made in the region of 75 to 200 weapons.

Along with Pakistan, India has never been part of the NPT and as such is not officially permitted to develop nuclear arms, but gained ratification of sorts from the United States, who recognised India as a responsible nuclear state. India probably have somewhere in the region of 100 weapons.

Pakistan developed its nuclear weapons program in secret and conducted its first tests in 1998 without the permission of the UN; their arsenal is currently about the same size as India’s.

These two nations are a worrying example of neighbouring states slipping into an arms race, a scenario that could grip Japan and South Korea following recent developments.

Iran is the latest nation to defy the UN by proceeding with its nuclear program against regulations and reprimands. Whilst uranium enrichment has taken place, the Iranian government has claimed it is not pursuing a

Rhys Hicks Political Correspondent

A

rguably the most powerful media man in the world, you can understand the need for Prime Minister Blair to stay on the right side of tycoon Rupert Murdoch.

However, it would appear that Murdoch has now had his fun with Blair, and after so many cups of tea with the PM, Keith (Murdoch’s Christian handle) now sees Blair as a has-been, instead courting the more charismatic Gordan Brown.

Indeed, in an interview in the past week with the New Yorker, Murdoch labelled Blair as a “lame duck”.

In the interview, Murdoch bemoans his relationship with the PM, comparing it with Margaret Thatcher and how she was not as ‘forthcoming’ in their relationship as Blair seems to have been.

In the current climate, I’m sure Mr Blair would not have been looking for this from the man who helped mastermind Labour’s 1997 General Election victory.

The Murdoch-owned publications – The Sun, News of the World, The Times and Sunday Times – used to be strong backers of the Conservative government.

This, however, changed with Tony Blair, and Murdoch soon formed a strong partnership with the Prime Minister.

Today, with Blair’s announcement that he will step down within the next year, Murdoch again appears to be shifting his weight. In his interview, he

RUPERT: making new friends stated that “the sooner we can see a face-off between Gordon and David Cameron, the sooner we can see the future.”

Strong words perhaps, but the media tycoon is simply covering his ground to ensure that that dirty word, profit, will remain high.

If Murdoch forms a similar partnership with Brown to the one he enjoyed with Blair, he can simply maintain his dominance of the British Media; BSkyB and the rest of Murdoch’s acquisitions will continue to blossom.

Perhaps then it is not a surprise to see him give some backing to the Tory leader, Cameron, revealing to the New Yorker “He's very bright and he

behaves as if he doesn't believe in anything other than trying to construct what he believes will be the right public image”.

This may appear harsh of Murdoch; however, one has to accept that given his dominance of media, he needs to protect his empire and he needs to keep ties intact, whoever the PM may be at the end of the next General Election.

Perhaps we should admire Murdoch’s cutting edge, and his business sense. After all, it takes some work to manage to become one of the world’s most powerful men. However, maybe a little more discretion would not go amiss.

Turning a blind eye?

Lisa Evans Political Correspondent

A KIM: nukes are not at all funny France are the only nations to actively reduce their stockpiles.

Over the last few decades the UK government has removed around 350 bombs from service and significantly scaled back the Trident Submarine Arsenal, which now stands as our only nuclear programme. Britain now has fewer than 200 active weapons, all in the form of the Trident missile warheads.

France's nuclear programs have also been scaled back since the end of the Cold War. They have complied partially with the NPT by retiring four nuclear systems, but two remain armed and ready. Their stockpile numbers around 350 missiles.

Developed initially with aid from the USSR, the Peoples Republic of China first successfully tested nuclear

nuclear arsenal.

They may not even possess material of a high enough quality to create weapons. But yet again, here is a worrying example of a region destabilizing over nukes, the Iranian regime justifying their program by pointing to Israel’s nearby capability.

And so, having carried out a successful test on Monday, North Korea are now thought to have a maximum of eight bombs, though not compact enough to be loaded onto a long range missile. Nevertheless, it is Kim JongIl’s furthest step yet towards international conflict, and the latest in a long line of worrying nuclear developments.

s a political party it is vital for key members to have a close working relationship and to show a united front.

However, speculation over how ‘close’ members should be with one another has raised many questions.

This has developed with the revelation that Tony Blair was fully aware from the beginning about former Home Secretary David Blunkett’s affair with a married woman. This raises the question ‘is it really right for Prime Ministers to be aware of the misdemeanors of colleagues?’

Many argue that as Prime Minister it is his or her duty to be fully aware of the activities of key members of the government. This is clearly important for party reputation; however, there are fears over the line between personal and political.

Although politicians are meant to assume a certain persona from which they must not step out of line, they are still only human and do make mistakes.

Therefore as human beings they are entitled to a personal life regardless of their job.

On the other hand, it is still their duty to ‘serve the people’ and so the Prime Minister has the right to know

about any personal issues that may affect the way in which they carry out their role in government.

This is reflected by Blunkett, whose personal issues clearly affected the way he conducted himself during his time as Home Secretary.

Evidently the affair brought about high-profile scrutiny of Blunkett’s performance in office, both from the public and other politicians. It was clear that he was under a great deal of pressure, as he emphasizes in his memoirs that his “physical and emotional health had cracked”.

However, had Blunkett’s affair not been revealed, would the way he carried out his job ever have been focused

upon?

It is fair to say that Blunkett had abused his position and so it was only right that he resigned from his post in 2004. It is also a worrying thought that Blair was aware of this affair and yet allowed Blunkett to continue as if nothing improper had occurred.

To some extent the general consensus is that it is acceptable for a Prime Minister to know the goings on of colleagues, as it is fairly harmless.

Yet from a wider perspective there needs to be a distinct line between where politics begins and where it ends in order for politicians to retain a sense of privacy.

BLUNKETT: confided in Blair

gairrhydd

LETTERS

letters@gairrhydd.com

Letters, letters, letters. Write a letter about anything from crazy lecturers to the pond life who rip you off on Queen Street. As the weather gets even more rainy, murky and depressing feel free to be upbeat and comment on happy things too!

Dan McKee, PhD student, Cathays

Sorry Neighbours fans IN REPLY TO last week's letter on the Neighbours society, I wanted to explain why the society never happened this year.

I was looking forward to being the President of the society this year, but I had a really bad accident, while I was visiting my boyfriend in New Zealand over the summer. I fainted whilst holding a kettle of boiling water and so I

oh lordy lordy lordy lordy lordy House Y, Tal-ybont, you’re still the one I belong to the only one I run to you’re still the one I kiss goodnight...

Can people please use the proper spelling and grammar in texts please.

We’re at university, not pri-

Anna Chappel.

Under no illusions WHAT A BREATH of fresh air Jimmy Ashcroft's opinion piece, ‘Unecessary illusions’ was in last week's gair rhydd. It's good to see someone so comprehensively rejecting the dubious offerings of today's society.

What I found particularly refreshing was the way in which the article was written. Many articles you usually see written on this kind of subject seem to me to be written by religious leaders.

This, in itself, is certainly not a bad thing, but because young people in general (there are, of course, notable exceptions) seem to be rejecting religion, it seems to me that these viewpoints are usually also rejected simply on the basis that the alternative to our current culture being pedalled in these articles is 'boring' (or even ‘slightly wierd') religion.

Thank God, therefore, that we have someone who, in his article at least, seems to be presenting these ideas from a neutral perspective. Perhaps then, as well as considering the specific arguments that have been presented, this will encourage people to think about religious arguments in a more neutral way, without immediately discounting them because they are

mary school and we watch Neighbours, not CBBC. This text box sucks as much as my mate Clare Cheers for the IMG coverage gr, you’re doing us proud already Jim is a fool Lets all go down the farm

text: 07791165837

CINEWORLD MIGHT well want to claim that the recent mouse invasion that they are experiencing is a result of recent building work, but about a year and a half ago I was watching a film on the top floor of the building, back when it was a UGC cinema, and I found a dead mouse in the aisle!

When I left the screen and told a member of staff about it, far from appearing shocked or confused by my discovery, she simply looked resigned and said “ok” – like this sort of thing happens all the time and didn’t even deserve comment.

As a Cineworld “Unlimited” customer, I’ve been back to the place hundreds of times since the incident and haven’t seen any other mice…but I haven’t dared touch any of the food they prepare there because I have serious reservations about the company’s commitment to hygiene, and I’ve always made sure that I’m wearing proper shoes instead of open-toed flipflops because I have no desire to feel whatever furry chaos might be going on under my feet as I sit enjoying a movie in blissfully unaware darkness.

received severe burns to my chest.

I hoped I would be well enough to still run the society, but the burns have been a lot slower to heal than I expected, and no one else wanted to take charge of the society instead of me.

Sorry to all disappointed Neighbours fans, but anyone who is keen to revive the society in the future is very welcome to! Also I wanted to tell everyone to please be careful with kettles!

‘uncool.’ Because part of the fundamental basis of most religions seems to be attaining true, genuine, even everlasting, happiness through service or worship, and no matter how cringeworthy that sounds, it's really a good thing.

Piers F. Horner, Physics and Astronomy.

An overdue complaint I JUST WANT to make a point about the extortionate library fines that I have incurred since being at university. The charges are way too high especially seeing as the books that I got fines on are not in demand and there are at least six others on the arts and social library shelves! Ok, I forgot to bring them back for a few days but I do not have the Internet at home so I can renew them and with everything else on my mind it’s easy to forget.

I think that there should be a smaller charge for books that are only just overdue like 10p a day not 50p! After all we are only poor students. It seems that the university is making a great profit out of our forgetfulness. It’s not like I intend to keep these books! I’d love to know exactly how much the university makes out of our expense.

By the time I have paid the fine I may have well bought the damn books!

An annoyed (and poor) second year.

letter of the week ‘Illegal TV’ computer obviously broken I AM SICK to death of being threatened by the TV licencing goons. First off are the constant adverts, especially around freshers’ week, where images of happy and relaxed university students suddenly turn grey and forboding whilst the announcer threatens us with massive fines because ‘your parents TV license does not cover you at university’.

For a start we already know that, secondly it is infuriatingly patronising to use the medium for which we are supposed to be paying a small fortune for to threaten us with truly frightening bills if we don’t buy the licence.

Believe it or not, being the conciencious young chaps we are, we bought a TV license last year. This didn’t seem to matter whatsoever to the morons who insisted on sending all six of us a personal letter each, every fortnight, which progressed from the initial ‘aren’t you naughty, go and buy a license’ all the way to ‘bailiffs will be turning up on the doorstep to beat you up any day now’.

We decided to save these letters,

hoping against hope that one day they would actually carry out their threat and send a shady man in a dark suit to come and confiscate our telly, whereupon we could thrust the sack of threats into one hand and our TV licence (which we considered framing for the occasion) into the other. Needless to say, they never actually managed to turn up, and despite several phone calls from us insisting that ‘we have a license, please bugger off and leave us alone’, letters covered in bold red writing continued to accumulate.

Their brilliant ‘illegal TV detector’ is a joke – when in halls my flatmate was threatened with ‘immediate court action’ for not having a licence.

The fact that he didn’t have a television either was obviously not important enough to mention.

You’re only actually paying for BBC anyway – they couldn’t even manage to keep 24 on terrestrial!

At least my license fee is being well spent bringing us such award winning and critically acclaimed shows as Cash in the Attic, Doctors and Bargain Hunt.

This year we have yet to go and get one. No doubt the man in the dark suit will turn up any day now.

Third year TV rebel

We will endeavour to print anything that we think is worthwhile, but please remember that we do have space restrictions and some standards of decency. Please also note that the views expressed in these letters are not necessarily the views of Letters Desk, Cardiff University Students’ Union or gair rhydd

The online newspaper for Cardiff students.

LETTERS@gairrhydd.COM

www.gairrhydd.com

OCTOBER.16.2006

Furry Chaos

13

14 gairrhydd

HEALTH

D

rinking is involved in nearly every celebration or ritual you can think of.

Birthdays, weddings, passing exams, but nobody needs an excuse to drink. It can be as simple as going down to your local on a Saturday afternoon for a few with your friends.

More than 90% of the adult population drink alcohol. Drinking is acceptable in today’s society, and even being drunk can cause amusement to others, as long as you’re not sick on their shoes.

Alcohol can relax you, reduce anxiety, even make you feel happier, better about yourself – at least in the short term. It is a legal drug.

However, there is a catch. It can play a part in up to 33,000 deaths a year, compared to just 1,500 caused by other drugs. To help people keep track of their drinking, alcohol is measured in 'units'.

A rough guide is: one unit is equal to half a pint of an average-strength beer

OCTOBER.16.2006 HEALTH@gairrhydd.COM

One more for the road?

As the first term of the year gets underway, Liz Stauber takes a look at one of the most important aspects of the student life and the suffering that can usually come with it.

(3.5-4% alcohol by volume), or a small (125 ml) glass of wine, or a single standard UK pub measure of a spirit. The recommended amount per day for men is three to four units, and for women it is two to three.

As it is an addictive drug, a tolerance can be built up by the body, so it needs a bit more each time to gain the desired effect, and withdrawal symptoms can appear. In the short term, the withdrawal symptoms take place in the shape of a hangover. Long-term, heavy drinking can directly harm most parts of the body. In particular, it often leads to heart and liver disease and stomach problems.

As long as it is treated in the right way, alcohol should not be a problem for the majority of people. The best way to enjoy it is by sticking to the recommended daily amount for the majority of the time and having major drinking sessions in moderation.

The hangover

E

veryone knows that dreaded feeling the morning after the night before.

The common hangover may include some or all of the following: * Headache * Sensitivity to light and sound * Diarrhoea * Loss of appetite * Trembling * Nausea * Fatigue * Dry mouth * Extreme thirst * Dry eyes * Trouble concentrating * Difficulty sleeping * Weakness The severity and number of symptoms varies from person to person, however it is generally the case that the more alcohol that is drunk the worse the hangover will be.

Other than the number of drinks, other factors can make the hangover worse: * Drinking on an empty stomach * Lack of sleep * Increased physical activity whilst drinking (e.g. dancing) as this will make you sweat more and therefore more dehydrated * Drinking undiluted strong drinks, e.g. tequila slammers * Existing dehydration before drinking Dehydration is the cause of many of the symptoms of a hangover. Alcohol is a diuretic which makes us need the toilet more. If we do not replace that fluid, we face dehydration, which can affect us all in all sorts of ways.

Basically, when we drink alcohol, it enters the bloodstream and causes a gland in the brain to block the natural creation of a chemical called vasopressin. Without this chemical, the kidneys send water directly to the bladder instead of reabsorbing it into the body.

This means that the fluid we drink, whether it be wine, beer or spirits goes ‘straight through us’. Most of us tend to notice more trips to the bathroom when we are drinking alcohol. If the water we drink is not reabsorbed into the body, it makes us more prone to dehydration and the problems that

causes.

The morning after heavy drinking, the body sends desperate messages to replenish its fluid supplies – a dry mouth being one of the most common ones.

The human brain is made up of 75% water and if the body is dehydrated the fluid content is reduced and the brain will shrink.

The banging headache that often follows a heavy night results from the brain literally shrinking in size causing increased tension on the membranes that attach the brain to the skull.

Alcohol also breaks down the body’s store of a substance called glycogen in the liver. As it is broken down, the chemical is turned into glucose and it is sent out of the body in urine. Without adequate stores of glycogen, the body will feel weak, tired and uncoordinated.

When we are drinking, the alcohol inhibits a natural anti-depressant in the body, called glutamine. When we stop drinking the body tries to make up for lost time by producing more glutamine than it needs. This stimulates the brain while we are trying to sleep, keeping us from reaching the deepest, most restful states of slumber.

Glutamine rebound may also be responsible for the tremors, anxiety and restlessness that can follow a big night out.

Finally, alcohol promotes the production of hydrochloric acid in the stomach and this can cause the stomach lining to become irritated. When we vomit as a result of overdoing it, this is often the body’s way of telling us that the acid in our stomach is hurting us and needs to be got rid of.

Ironically, being sick can actually reduce the severity of a hangover next morning because it gets rid of alcohol and toxins as well as the excess acid, but should not be considered as the ideal way to avoid getting a hangover.

Irritation of the stomach lining may also be a factor in the cause of the unpleasant symptoms experienced by some people with hangovers, such as diarrhoea and lack of appetite.

The human brain is made up of 75% water and if the body is dehydrated the fluid content is reduced and the brain will shrink As dehydration is often responsible for many of the symptoms of hangovers, staying adequately hydrated has to be the first and easiest step. Each of us needs to drink approximately two litres of fluid every day to stay properly hydrated.

When heading out for a few drinks, we would recommend having a large ‘soft’ drink before you leave the house – water, milk, juice, squash or fizzy drinks are all effective at boosting hydration levels and if you are properly hydrated before you start drinking alcohol, you reduce the chances of becoming dehydrated during the evening and the morning after.

gairrhydd

15

SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT

OCTOBER.16.2006 SCIENCE@gairrhydd.COM

The green pretenders

ASA sets target on companies exaggerating their green credentials Ceri Morgan Science & Environment Editor

of its green credentials, and tree planting is just part of that. However, future material where it is referred to will be even clearer and easier to understand. “As the leading generator of electricity from renewable sources in Great Britain and for customers who take advantage of the [green] tariff we commit to generating more renewable energy from hydro-electricity which doesn’t burn oil, coal or gas – so it doesn’t create CO2 in the first place.�

Many environmental organisations question the whole basis of offset schemes. Friends of the Earth’s head of campaigns, Mike Childs says:

A

serious warning has been issued to companies who exaggerate their green credentials.

The Advertising Standards Authority – the body charged with regulating the advertising sector – says that recently many companies have been advertising false claims of green business practices.

These include claiming to be carbon neutral, or that a company has taken special measures to reduce CO2 emissions, which is usually part of a battle to win customers.

A case in point is the power company Scottish & Southern Energy (SSE), who have been ordered by the ASA to stop distributing a leaflet called ‘A Good Use of Your Energy,’ which was promoting a tree-planting project. The leaflet claimed the tree project had offset customers’ domestic CO2 footprint.

The leaflet also contained information which stated that the tree-planting scheme would absorb enough CO2 to offset everything created by households who had signed up to the green electricity tariff.

Nearly 30,000 of SSE’s customers’ are on the tariff, which supplies elec-

Companies stand accused of misleading the public into thinking climate change can be tackled by planting a few trees tricity generated from hydroelectric initiatives.

The ASA investigated as to whether the claims could be substantiated following a complaint from a member of the public.

During the enquiry, SSE showed evidence that it had entered into a three-year accordance with the World Land Trust (WLT). The agreement stated the WLT would plant and man-

age enough saplings to ensure 150,000 growing trees a year at a number of sites in the UK and elsewhere.

SSE also produced data showing that 4.65 tonnes of CO2 per year are produced by the average household, but failed to substantiate its claims that the new tree-planting scheme had absorbed that equivalent amount of greenhouse gases, according to the

ASA. A spokesman for the ASA said: “Adverts are increasingly making green claims, and we are to some extent expecting further complaints along these lines. Companies have to look to see whether their claims stand up.�

However, a spokeswoman for the SSE defended the company’s record: “Scottish & Southern Energy is proud

Many companies are advertising false claims of green business

“Consumers may be misled into thinking that we can tackle climate change simply by planting a few trees, rather than reducing emissions of the gases that cause the problem. “If companies are genuinely concerned about climate change they should focus their attention on cutting their emissions and using clean sources of energy.�

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16 gairrhydd

JOBS & MONEY

OCTOBER.16.2006 JOBS@gairrhydd.COM

Taken a wrong turn?

Jobs & Money look at the problems students face if they have gone down the wrong path at university

W WORRIES: University problems can lead to depression

£ £ £ Money saving tips

1

Study the announcements in the local paper so you can gatecrash weddings and funerals for free sausage rolls and cucumber sandwiches. However, when approached by one side of the family claim to be from the

other (that’s the family not the underworld).

2

Take up knitting. This new hobby will occupy your hands and prevent you from surfing e-bay for worthless items.

As well as providing jumpers and scarves for your housemates when the heating is on the blink (again), it may upset Granny and perhaps she’ll give you money instead of woollens next Christmas.

Do you have any money-saving tips or funny money facts? Email jobs@gairrhydd.com

rong size, wrong colour?

Taking clothes back to the shop is not too difficult if they just are not right. But changing university courses can cause a bit more hassle than taking back a pair of jeans.

Yet many students are in this position, and there is no need to back yourself into a corner.

There are very few students who are 100% happy with their course; if there are too many exams, coursework assignments or lectures, students can always find something to moan about.

After all, a degree is meant to be hard work, but subject worries can alter a student’s enjoyment of university.

Using the advice from the National Union of Students (NUS), Jobs and Money examine how to judge if changing courses is the best option for you.

Avoid high expectations The hype surrounding university may get you excited, but university work can give you a reality check. Avoiding high expectations gives you time to settle in and then address the difficulties after. There will always be ups and downs so try not to make a hasty decision.

Job of the week

UNISTAFF JOBSHOP is Cardiff University Students' Union's Student Employment Service. It is a free service for students looking for part-time, temporary or vacation work. A wide range of jobs are available within the University, the Students' Union and with local companies. We have lots of one-off assignments as well as ongoing part time jobs, so you can work as much or as little as you like. To register, please come in to see us between 10am-4pm Monday-Friday, bringing your student card and National Insurance card (UK students) or passport (non-UK students). Your details will then be added to our database and you will receive regular emails about new job opportunities.

We urgently require experienced bar and waiting staff over the forthcoming Rugby Internationals on November 4, 11, 17 and 25.

Please contact us on 029 20781535 or pop in to the Jobshop (ground floor, Students’ Union).

Opening hours 10am-4pm Monday-Friday

Don’t be afraid

Course deadlines

Think of why you are unhappy and what aspects of the course you dislike.

Talking to tutors or staff can perhaps help you.

No student can one day decide to alter courses and magically the next day be on their new course. Apply to change courses as soon as you are certain. It is easier to change in the first few weeks of a course but don’t make any rash decisions.

Fill the void Think about your options, whether you would prefer changing courses, university or modules.

It’s good to talk Discuss your problems with friends, careers advisors, or tutors to help you consider your next move. But don’t be swayed by other peoples’ ideas.

Money matters Financial worries can affect a student greatly in changing their course as it can add on another fee or money issue.

Transferring within 12 months of the start of a course ensures a transfer of your grant for tuition fees and your loan to cover the length of your new course by the Local Education Authority (LEA). But missing the deadline means the LEA may not cover the whole of your new course, as they are only obliged to transfer your original grant.

It’s not just your choice Students need approval from their existing and new course to change, and written permission from their LEA. Choosing another university would mean re-applying through UCAS the same way as before. Think ahead about how much time you need to allow to get everything organised.

Don’t take any decision lightly Think long and hard about your choices. Are you really unhappy with your course? Would changing to another create better or worse options for the future? Remember there are always options available; don’t suffer in silence, there is always help at hand.

The Advice and Representation Centre on the third floor has infomation of course changes

gairrhydd

JOBS & MONEY

OCTOBER.16.2006 JOBS@gairrhydd.COM CITY HALL: Where a lot of the fun takes place

prepare for careers fayres to make the most of the resources available.

Internet sites which display the contributors to the fayre are useful to look at to research and prepare appropriate questions, and for finding out who are the most relevant organisations for each student.

Picking up leaflets and information can be very useful but if questions are considered previously it can save time and energy on the day. In addition students should focus on their interests, skills and experiences as the employers may ask questions.

Alternatively, take a CV to hand to recruiters. They may be able to point out what they are looking for and help speed up the application process once students have graduated.

Fun Fayres Gillian Roberts Jobs & Money Editor

I

n next to no time students are faced with the big stepping stone of going out into the wild working world of 9 to 5, pensions and stripey ties.

University life can fly by and many students face this all too suddenly when they have no clue what to do next. But students should not fear, careers fayres are here. They are an important resource where students can take an active step towards a future career using the information and contacts available.

A suitable graduate placement can be difficult to find, and with the

amount of competition vying for graduate appointments, students are advised to use careers fayres to maximise the chances of finding the right graduate placement.

Exhibitors also use the careers fayres to their advantage, looking out for potential students who could be a successful future employee, enabling students to make a good first impression.

Exhibitors will answer any questions regarding courses applications, as well as advising on how to improve their skills.

Students who are unsure of their future career path can use careers fayres to take notice of organisations that they are not familiar with or to gain more ideas and contacts.

Yet, it is advisable for students to

Useful Questions to ask at careers fayres 1. What qualifications do I need?

2. What is involved in the application process?

3. How many places or graduate places are available?

4. What skills are you looking for?

5. Are there any job prospects?

6. Is there any travelling involved?

7. Are there any training possibilities?

8. Is it paid or unpaid work?

9. Do you offer any work experience?

10. Do you expect relevant work experience for applications?

11. Which requirements do you need?

Simbec is currently recruiting volunteers to take part in clinical studies

Why not try something new today!

In return y ou coul d recei ve a gener ous pay ment of £300 - £2000 depending on the dur ation of the study !

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17

Trial durations vary; you could fit us in during your spare time!

Free meals & accommodation are provided whilst you are on a study.

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For your free information pack www. volunteer-research

.com

Upcoming fayres Finance 4 All October 17

Organised by Cardiff Business School this is a must for anyone who wishes to continue their career in finance. Wander up to the Julian Hodge Building on Colum Road to meet exhibitors and take part in interactive workshops and talks.

Bright Ideas 4 Careers October 19

Over 40 organisations fighting over space in the Students’ Union Great Hall.

Careers 4 Scientists October 24

Go to the main building in the University (opposite the Union) and meet some scientists to take part in an alternative forum or ‘mini fayre.’

AIESEC Fayre October 25

In the Great Hall of the Students’ Union, which attracts around 50 organisations.

Cardiff Law Fayre November 8

The long queue outside City Hall is not for Big Brother auditions but for the law fayre. Essential for anyone thinking about going into the field of law.

GO Wales

November 9/10 Take a stroll to Cardiff Internation Arena (CIA) and say hello to the many organisations who will be attending. It is a graduate recruitment fayre so it may give you some ideas if you are not sure which way to turn.

gairrhydd

MEDIA

OCTOBER.16.2006 MEDIA@gairrhydd.COM

And the nominees are….

Name that tune

Personalised ringtones became a must-have after that Crazy Frog, but sales are beginning to decline as new technology develops Aline Ungewiss Media Editor n the past six years, who didn’t want to break any mobile phone which had the most annoying ring tone of all time: the Crazy Frog. It was in offices, class rooms, lecture theatres, on the street – everywhere. There was no escape.

However, we can all relax now as the world’s largest record company has revealed that the sales of ringtones are in decline in the UK. This is therefore bringing the era of the Crazy Frog to an end. Factors to be blamed are prices, piracy as well as irritation by half naked cartoon characters which bothered the nation.

Having kept actual talented superstars like Coldplay from the top of the charts, the hype of ringtones and the Crazy Frog began in 2000. It began with the promotion of monotones for mobiles. Then with the advancement in mobile technologies, polytones and the opportunity to download actual chart songs as ringtones were soon introduced.

The sales grew from £34.8m to £177.3m in

I Following last year’s clean sweep at the Guardian Student Media Awards, gair rhydd and Quench have once again been shortlisted for the two most prestigious awards in student media. gair rhydd has been shortlised for Best Student Newspaper, while Quench has been nominated for Best Student Magazine. Three Cardiff students have also been shortlisted for individual awards. Dan Ridler, a third-year Politics student and current columnist for gair rhydd has been nominated for Reporter of the Year.

Greg Cochrane, a Cardiff graduate and former music editor secured a place on the Critic of the Year list, as did Andrew Mickel. The former Politics editor and columnist was also shortlisted for Columnist of the Year. gair rhydd will find out if they have won at the Guardian student media award ceremony on November 8.

Xpress Radio have also made the shortlist for the most prestigious student radio award. They have been nominated for Best Student Radio Station at the Student Radio Awards (SRAs).

Their marketing department also secured a nomination, being placed on the shortlist for the Best Marketing and Branding Award, while their technical team made it onto the Best Technical Innovation list.

Jen Long, last year’s Xpress Station Manager, also did extremely well in the shortlist. She was nominated for Best Interview and Best Female at the national student radio awards.

Xpress will find out if they have won at the SRA award ceremony on November 9.

19

£33 million decrease in ring tone sales is blamed on the Crazy Frog

2005. However, this year they are expected to fall to £143.5m, and to a further £78.8m by 2010.

This ‘personalised ringtone mania’ all began with a Swedish student wanting to impersonate the sound of a moped revving up, leading to the birth of the Crazy Frog. Crazy Frog’s success included a number one single as well as boosted sales over the past years. This was also the beginning of the ringtone revolution.

Ringtones became a way of personalising your phone, and the younger generation spent a fortune on downloading the newest ring tone to show off in the classrooms.

Luckily, this period of pointless money spending is coming to an end.

Anyone who got tired of hearing the ringing reproductions of everything from recent chart hits to theme tunes can be relieved now. Parents will no longer have to pay £3.50 every time a new tone comes on the market, as the next type of newest mobile technology is already in line.

It is also combined with one of the reasons for the declining sales of ringtones: piracy.

The past year has shown a growing trend of young people recording music from their computers, while

Bluetooth technology allows them to send tones directly to one another. And also, latest software on the internet allows MP3 tracks to be turned into ringtones.

This new way of swapping music has not only damaged the music industry, but also affected the sales of ringtones as people are increasingly discovering new trends.

This new way of swapping music has not only damaged the music industry, but also affected the sales of ringtones Another factor behind the declining popularity of ringtones could also be the increase in sales of full tracks and music videos over mobile networks, as well as the development of phones being capable of storing up to 1,000 MP3 files, enabling you to have access to up to 100 music albums while you are on the move.

The ring tone market is experiencing a significant shift and Jamba,

mainly owned by the media mogul Rupert Murdoch, is seeing a drop in profits to about $300m from $500m last year.

Paul Goode, a senior analyst for the mobile research firm M:Metrics, said that “the economics of the business will have to change”, as the availability of tools to make user-created ringtones more accessible to the masses poses a huge threat to companies who can not offer any additional values apart from the ring tone.

The mobile phone market has become a place of heated competition.

With new phone technologies developing every day and a phone now becoming more than just a phone, this has resulted in making the business and competition of selling phones as well as phone equipment more and more difficult for minor companies.

However, there is also huge controversy surrounding the sales techniques of some companies, where customers signed up to subscription plans when they thought they were buying a single ring tone.

Having survived the era of crazy ringtones and naked frogs dancing on mobile phone displays, we are curious what the new ideas and inventions the mobile phone technology will bring next. It can’t get any worse.

20 gairrhydd

TAF-OD

OCTOBER.16.2006 TAFOD@gairrhydd.COM

Y Tad A’R Mab A ‘Tyrfe Tawe’ Huw Foulkes

C

Mae Taf-Od yn nol Huw Pritchard Swyddog Materion

M

ae'n debyg mai rhyw gymysgedd o gof meddwol yw'r wythnosau olaf wedi bod i'r rhan fwyaf ohonom.

Mae pob diwrnod wedi troi'n un penwythnos mawr, ac mae'n anodd dweud pa ddiwrnod ydi hi! Gobeithio y bydd Taf-Od, tudalen Gymraeg GairRhydd, yr wythnos hon yn gallu eich atgoffa rywfaint o beth sydd wedi bod yn digwydd.

Gwelodd wythnos y glas eleni gig

gyntaf UMCC yng Nghlwb Ifor Bach.

Gallwch ddarllen mwy gan Elain.

Rydw i'n falch fod y gig wedi bod yn llwyddiant gwych ond rhaid cofio bod rhaid i ni gefnogi popeth mae'r Undeb yn ei drefnu gan y bydd yn gymorth i bob myfyriwr Cymraeg yng Nghaerdydd. Am fwy o wybodaeth cadwch olwg ar umcc.blogspot.com neu cysylltwch â'r Undeb ar umcc@hotmail.co.uk.

Roedd taith dafarn draddodiadol y Gym Gym yn lwyddiant hefyd ac erbyn y bydd rhai ohonoch yn darllen hwn byddwch yn dioddef eto ar ôl

Tyrfe Tawe ond fe gaiff Huw ddweud mwy am hynny. Cofiwch hefyd fod Huw angen eich arian i dalu am eich 'hoodie' Gym Gym dechrau wythnos yma.

Dechreuodd yr Aelwyd newydd yn yr ail wythnos gyda nifer yn troi fyny i'r ymarfer côr cyntaf. Gobeithio y bydd yn tyfu yn ystod yr wythnosau nesaf gyda mwy o aelodau a gweithgareddau gwahanol. Os yr ydych awydd ymuno neu ddarganfod mwy am yr Aelwyd bydd y cyfarfod nesaf mewn rhyw wythnos, daw mwy o wybodaeth cyn bo hir.

Felly dyna ni, y bythefnos gyntaf ar ben (well i ni beidio son am y pêldroed!) a'r darlithoedd diflas wedi dechrau eto. Ond o leiaf mae hynny'n rhoi syniad i ni pa ddiwrnod ydi hi!

Gan mai hwn yw rhifyn cyntaf o Taf-Od flwyddyn yma hoffwn gael gwybod os oes unrhyw un ohonoch gyda diddordeb cyfrannu neu helpu i olygu'r dudalen hon? Neu oes gennych chi syniadau am beth ddylai fod ar y dudalen neu straeon eich hunain i'w hychwanegu? Os oes gennych chi unrhyw syniadau cysylltwch â ni ar h.t.p@hotmail.co.uk. Diolch.

ychwynodd gweithgareddau'r Gym Gym nos Lun yr ail o Hydref yn draddodiadol gyda chrôl y tad a'r mab.

Owain Glyndwr oedd y man cyfarfod a nifer o'r flwyddyn gyntaf yn gymysgedd o gynnwrf a nerfusrwydd wrth gael eu pario â'u rhieni am y noson.

Bu'n grôl llwyddiannus iawn a'r rhan fwyaf wedi cyrraedd Clwb Ifor yn ddiogel yn nwylo cyfrifol yr ail a'r drydedd flwyddyn!

Wrth i'r erthygl yma fynd i'r wasg, mae criw o'r Gym Gym yn paratoi at drip i Abertawe dros y penwythnos i'r gig blynyddol a gynhelir yno 'Tyrfe Tawe'.

Mae'r gig bellach yn digwydd ers tair blynedd ac mae tripiau'r Gym Gym i'r digwyddiad yn y gorffennol wedi profi'n ddifyr a llawn hwyl!

Gobeithio y bydd pawb yn cael yr un mwynhad ddydd Sadwrn!

Trip nesaf y Gym Gym fydd i'r ddawns ryng-golegol yn Aber ddechrau fis Tachwedd ac mae'r 'ball' Nadolig wrthi'n cael ei drefnu!

Bydd mwy o wybodaeth yn yr wythnosau nesaf!

Siarad Cymraeg?

Tyrd at Taf-od!

Y Gig Gyntaf Elain Llwyd

N

ôd y gig yma oedd cyflwyno myfyrwyr Caerdydd i UMCC (Undeb Myfyrwyr Cymraeg Caerdydd) ac mi roedd yn lwyddiant ysgubol!

Deth tua 150 i Glwb Ifor nos Iau 28ain o Fedi, a hoffwn ddiolch i bawb oedd yno am eich cefnogaeth.

Y band cyntaf ar y llwyfan oedd Cowbois Rhos Botwnnog.

Er fy mod wedi clywed llawer o ganmoliaeth, doeddwn i erioed wedi eu gweld yn fyw. Ni chefais fy siomi. Gyda'u cymysgedd o roc a chaneuon gafaelgar cafodd y gynulleidfa amser grêt.

O Benllyn i Gaerfyrddin Tangwystl oedd nesaf ar y llwyfan. Band gwahanol iawn sydd yn cynnwys ffidil, soddgrwth ac saxophone, yn ogystal â gitâr a drymiau. Chwaraewyd set wych ganddynt yn enwedig eu clasur, Mabli!

Golygfa aml erbyn hyn yw

visit www.thereddragoncentre.co.uk gweld Mattoidz ar lwyfan clwb , ond anaml y cewch eich siomi!

Braf oedd clywed caneuon newydd ac mae'r hen glasuron yn llwyddo bob tro i droi'r gynulleidfa'n wyllt!

Codwyd llawer o arian i UMCC, felly gobeithio fod y gig yma wedi creu sail dda i weithgareddau eraill ar hyd y flwyddyn.

The Red Dragon Centre, Cardiff Bay, Hemingway Road CF10 4JY Tel: 02920 256261

gairrhydd

21

TELEVISION

OCTOBER.16.2006 TV@gairrhydd.COM

This Week’s Butchers Among The Butchered: October 16th-22nd

RIP Frederick Handel Elliott 29 August 1994 - 9 October 2006 “Be Happy, I Say Be Happy”

HOT

NOT

Bev: This glamorous granny was a godsend to Fred, feeding him all the raw veal he could ever want.

She looked a picture on her wedding day, all dressed up like one of those Ribena berries, only for her hunk o’ love to drop dead Fred.

Gutted. Join the queue...

Audrey: The cock-teasing harlot that sent Fred over the edge. For years he pined for her, only to be rebuffed over and over, and then when he was about to find happiness she practically knifed him in the head. Plus she is probably less attractive than Bev anyway and has a mental family.

Soaps

Film The film of my childhood and the 80s, as well as the inspiration for my existance is Caddyshack.

On this Friday at 11.35pm BBC1, with Bill Murray chasing a mentalist gopher round a golf course .

This is the film I wish I had made.

Distracting me is Goodbye Lenin!, on BBC4 at 11.00pm, a satirical look at commies. Haha!

Last week i jested about the possibility of Fred Elliott dying or something. Then, this week he did die.

This is an awful thing, very similar to when I swore on my friend’s mother’s life that I had a snake. I didn’t have a snake, and sure enough, his mum died (well, she was already dead, but I didn’t know that at the time. Coincidence? I think not). So please take this week’s visual tribute as memoriam, and apology. God Speed Fred.

Anyways, Emmerdale.... it’s all happening at the farm as Victoria thinks she saw a spectre up at Old Wylie’s Farm. She probably didn’t though. Far scarier things are afoot in Eastenders however, as Martin gets his divorce papers through and seeks solace in...Sonia! What would Pauline say? The celebratory Victoria Sponge will be straight back in the cupbaord.

Fudge Tunnel 73

Sport

DVDS TO RENT/BUY Gar ar th Marenghi’s Marenghi’s Dar k Place Out October 16th.

Garth Marenghi. Some call him a dreamweaver (true). Some call him a best selling novelist (scientific fact). Some call him Rick Dagless M.D., a maverick doctor battling against the evil forces lurking in a standard-sized hellmouth underneath a hospital in pre-apocalyptic Romford. That one may be a lie.

Let’s put aside what people may think of 80’s sex icon Marenghi.

Instead, what about his work, you may ask? Well, Garth describes it as 'too subversive, too dangerous [and] too damn scary'. Whatever people may say is neither here nor Norwich, but …Darkplace, filmed in the ‘actual’ 80s in Romford, (house prices rocketed after filming) can be described in

one word: a work of undeniable genius.

Otherwise there’s always Aquamarine, like a shit Splash for kids. Part of the kitsch value is the idiots have loads of shots with cameras in frame. Just pretend it’s postmodern or something...

I think we can all be grateful that this international football nonsense is over with, so rejoice at the return of Europe. ITV1 brings us Manchester United v FC Copenhagen (Tuesday, 7.30pm).

Bad news is David Pleat is commentating as usual. He really is shit isn’t he? Also, a Pleat-free CSKA Moscow v Arsenal (ITV4, Wednesday, 5.00pm).

Radio I don’t really like this radio section. Well if I’m honest I don’t like this whole TV section of the newspaper. But this bit is especially irritating to write. I can’t even rely on writing about whatever band Huw Stephens has got in session this week, because his website hasn’t updated yet. Regardless of that, you should tune into Huw’s show (Radio 1, Wednesday/Thursday 12am-2am), because he’s local and a very nice man and has a lovely voice and plays good music and everything. True, he’s no Jo Whiley, but he tries his best. Other than that I dunno, maybe listen to the radio on Saturday afternoon to hear the football scores, And for the time it takes you to hit snooze after your radio alarm goes off.

22 gairrhydd

MONDAY

Suez

OCTOBER.16.2006 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Open Gardens

Tricky Quickies

Small Railway Journeys C4 1:30pm

My First...

BBC2 9:00pm

BBC2 3:15pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours Sky is tormented by the news about her baby and confides in Karl. Toadie declares war on Janae. 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Lazytown 3:50pm Maya and Miguel 4:15pm Crush 4:40pm The Batman 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours Sky is still tormented by the news abut her baby and is still confiding in Karl. Toadie is still at war with Janae.

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Holiday 2006 7:30pm X-Ray 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Rogue Traders 9:00pm Spooks 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Graham Norton's Bigger Picture Graham Norton, the Carlos Tevez of the Televisual world. Has anybody cared about him since he went to the BBC? 11:15pm Film 2006 with Jonathan Ross 11:45pm McQ 1:40am Sign Zone:Galapagos 2:30am Sign Zone:Home 3:30am Sign Zone:York

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Trollz 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 8:55am Tweenies 9:15am Something Special 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Lunar Jim 10:00am Numberjacks 10:15am Our Planet 10:30am Let's Write a Story 10:50am Let's Write a Story 11:10am The Maths Channel - Year 5 11:20am The Maths Channel - Year 5 11:30am Shakespeare: Animated Tales 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Wipe Out 1:30pm Wild River 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Doctor Thompson's Casebook 7:30pm York Minster 8:00pm Mastermind 8:30pm University Challenge 9:00pm Suez 10:00pm Have I Got News for You 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Feeding Frenzy: Clever Food?

11:50pm BBC Four on BBC Two:The Boys Who Are Making History Just so you know, Quench deadline nights are much more pleasant than gair rhydd deadline nights. My soul wants me to kill myself. 12:15am Joins BBC News 24 1:00am BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel:Talk Spanish 2:30am Spain Inside Out 5:00am Work Talk: Spain

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm The Price Is Right 2:30pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:30pm Pocoyo Somebody, whose name I don’t know, just claimed that Ian Brodie was one of the Moors Murderers. 3:35pm Curious George 3:50pm Tricky Quickies 4:00pm Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids 4:15pm Bel's Boys 4:30pm My Parents are Aliens 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show - X Factor Special 6:00pm ITV Wales News and Weather 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wales This Week 8:30pm Coronation Street 9:00pm Vincent A small ray of hope here as TV John has entered the office.

He has his self-made pack of ‘Pop Punk Top Trumps’ with him, which means I may get to hear a conversation which isn’t just a hoard of silly girls yapping about how excited they are that the Goo Goo Dolls are next door.

10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm Aberfan: Children of the Valley 12:00am Tonight with Trevor McDonald 12:25am ITV Play: The Mint 4:35am I Want That House 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Dump Your Mates In Four Days 10:00am Sex, Lies and Soaps 10:30am Don't Make Me Angry 11:00am That'll Teach 'Em 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:30pm Small Railway Journeys 1:45pm Blood on the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Raw Cuts Competition 8:00pm Dispatches I really should put my headphones on, because hearing people just makes me angry. “Boris Johnson is the funniest man alive”. Oh har fucking har.

9:00pm Wife Swap 10:00pm Without a Trace 11:00pm The Real Blue Nuns 12:00am Party Poker.com Late Night Poker Ace 1:05am FIVB Beach Volleyball 1:55am World Superbikes 2:25am Next Stop Wonderland 4:00am Star Maths 4 4:10am Star Maths 4 4:20am Star Maths 4 4:30am Star Maths 4 4:40am Star Maths 4 4:50am Star Maths 4 5:00am Maths Mansion 5:10am Maths Mansion 5:20am Maths Mansion 5:30am Stage One 5:45am Stage One

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Thomas and Friends 8:40am Bird Bath 8:50am My First... 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm The Perfect Wife Tracyanne Campbell. I bet she has good records.3:30pm five news update 3:35pm Ransom for a Dead Man 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:15pm The Gadget Show 8:00pm Fifth Gear 9:00pm Extraordinary People: Building a New Face Somebody just asked to have the rules of Top Trumps explained to them. Their childhood must have been empty. Pizza’s on the way though.

And I think there’s more vegetarians this year than last, which means a greater number of vege pizzas have been ordered, so just as long as I eat stupidly fast, I could probably have a whole pizza to myself.

10:00pm Banged Up Abroad 11:00pm Trust Me I'm a Beauty Therapist 11:45pm The Joan Rivers Position 12:15am USPGA Golf 1:05am Ironman Austria 1:30am NFL Live 5:10am French Football - Le Championnat

7:00pm Doctor Who 7:45pm Doctor Who Confidential 8:00pm The Indestructibles 8:30pm Grime Scene Investigation 9:00pm Dog Borstal 10:00pm EastEnders 10:25pm Spooks 11:30pm Say No to the Knife 12:25am Dog Borstal 1:20am The Indestructibles 1:50am Grime Scene Investigation 2:20am The Real Hustle 2:50am Say No to the Knife Ideally we’d have the listings for Bravo and Challenge TV. Since my new house has had NTL cable TV stuff I have needed nothing but these channels to get me through. It’s quite a comfort knowing that I can watch somebody nearly die in a snowmobile accident at any time of the day. Or a paraplegic convict drive a motorhome into the side of a school bus and then into a fire hydrant before falling out of his car and trying to crawl his way to safety. And then there’s always the Crystal Maze. I’m gonna be out of this hole in time for Extras tonight.

7:00pm The Way We Cooked 8:00pm The World 8:30pm The Perfect Village I’m going to do the obligatory ‘what I’m listening to this week’ here, because I have little to say about television. So, yeh, here goes...I’m mostly listening to Philobhobia - Arab Strap, (((grrrls))) Parenthetical Girls, Dig Me Out Sleater-Kinney...I’m going to give you an insight into what it’s like on deadline day in the gair rhydd office. It’s a living hell. Some people sit quietly tapping at their keyboard, and that is good, but some people feel the need to construct friendships, and this just means constant yapping noise.

9:00pm The Secret Life of Mrs Beeton 10:30pm Storyville: The Prisoner 11:20pm Forty Minutes On 12:25am The Secret Life of Mrs Beeton 1:55am The Perfect Village 2:25am Storyville: The Prisoner, or How I Planned to Kill Tony Blair 3:20am Forty Minutes On

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice From Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:50am Emmerdale 10:50am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:35am Judge Judy 12:00pm Coronation Street 12:30pm Emmerdale 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Superman 8:00pm Trinny and Susannah Undress 9:00pm Hell's Kitchen USA 10:00pm Ladette to Lady 11:00pm Coronation Street 12:00am Pretty Woman 2:20am ITV Play: Playdate 4:00am ITV Play: Playalong

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with... 8:00am Wake Up with... 8:30am Whatever...

You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but... Men with Moustaches 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm The OC 3:00pm One Tree Hill 4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Lost 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Headland 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Hollyoaks: In the City 10:00pm Wife Swap: The Aftermath 10:30pm The 51st State 12:20am Star Stories 12:50am Invasion 1:45am Hollyoaks: In the City 2:45am Star Stories 3:10am Queer as Folk 3:55am The OC 4:40am Switched 5:05am Switched 5:25am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Dump Your Mates In Four Days 10:00am Sex, Lies and Soaps 10:30am Don't Make Me Angry 11:00am That'll Teach 'Em 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Darllen 'Da Fi 12:45pm Gel a FFion 12:50pm Ffi-Ffi A'i Ffrindiau 1:00pm Bobinogi 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm Wild Thing: I Love You 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Medabots 4:25pm Bord 4:50pm Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm The Simpsons 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Ffermio 9:00pm Natur Anghyfreithlon 10:00pm Sgorio 11:05pm Y Clwb Rygbi 11:35pm Wife Swap 12:35am The War at Home 1:00am Dispatches 2:00am The World's Biggest Penis

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

ITV1 8:00pm

five 8:50am

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

gairrhydd

23

TUESDAY

OCTOBER.16.2006 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Nighty Night

Crush

Date my Daughter

It’s Me or the Dog

Kids Like These

BBC1 2.50am

BBC1 4.15pm

itv1 4.20am

Channel 4 8pm

five 1.35pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder Is it wrong I rather like the new My Chemical Romance song? 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Lazytown 3:50pm Maya and Miguel 4:15pm Crush I have a crush on my chiropractor, in my defence he is a cute 26 year old. In his defence in court when he tries to get a restraining order against me, I wore really bad pants today. Yes I have to wear an open backed gown, and he gets to see my faded pink knickers in all their glory.

Don’t think I have much chance of pulling here. 4:40pm The Batman 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Watchdog 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Holby City 9:00pm The Amazing Mrs Pritchard 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Week In, Week Out 11:05pm Imagine... Following Peter Pan 12:00am Blind Flight 1:50am Sign Zone:Beyond Boundaries: The African Challenge 2:50am Sign Zone:A Week of Dressing Dangerously 3:20am Joins BBC News 24

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Trollz 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 8:55am Tweenies 9:15am Something Special 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Lunar Jim 10:00am Numberjacks 10:15am Our Planet 10:30am Schools:Primary History 10:50am Primary Geography 11:10am Horizon 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Bobinogs 1:10pm KS1 Science Clips 1:20pm Science Clips Investigates 1:30pm A Year at Kew 2:00pm 3:05pm The Flying Gardener 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Showtime Wales 7:30pm Mythbusters Why is it wrong for animals to be wed? A common myth is that there is something wrong with this.

8:00pm Bill Oddie's How to Watch Wildlife 8:30pm Digging Deep 9:00pm Under the Doctor: A Medical History of Wales 9:30pm Horizon 10:20pm The Owls and the Orchard 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm This World: Black and White and Read All Over 12:00am Jerusalem: An Anthem for England 12:50am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:Poems from Other Cultures and traditions

TV Ellen listend to White Rose Movement whilst typing this, and ate pizza. 6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm The Price Is Right 2:30pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:30pm Pocoyo 3:35pm Curious George 3:50pm Tricky Quickies 4:00pm Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids 4:15pm Bel's Boys 4:30pm My Parents are Aliens 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show will be cancelled soon 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm UEFA Champions League Live: Manchester United v Copenhagen 10:00pm It Shouldn't Happen on a Hidden Camera Show “Is that a camera?”

10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm UEFA Champions League Highlights 12:05am Motorsport UK 12:45am ITV Play: The Mint 3:45am Mum's On Strike 4:20am Date My Daughter 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News If your female friend is complaining about a guy/boyfriend/stalker all you have to say is “Maybe he is secure in his insecurity “(I am so wise, like a yoda.) It makes no sense but it sounds like something a smart person would say. Nod wisely after though and perhaps smile knowingly.

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Dump Your Mates In Four Days What? Four whole days, I could do that in one. Day one: “I hate you all.” 10:00am Sex, Lies and Soaps 10:30am Don't Make Me Angry 11:00am That'll Teach 'Em 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:25pm 3 Minute Wonder: Beside the Seaside 1:30pm Cloak and Dagger 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Raw Cuts Competition 8:00pm It's Me or the Dog Is the dog hot?

8:30pm Cooking It 9:00pm Supernanny 10:00pm The Madness of Boy George 11:05pm Holy Hottie 12:10am Garth Marenghi's Darkplace 12:40am Garth Marenghi's Darkplace 1:15am The Money Pit 2:55am South American Championship Football 3:45am Grudge Match 4:00am Stage One 4:15am Stage One 4:30am Stage One 4:45am Miniworlds 5:00am Miniworlds 5:15am A Victorian Diary “What’s that aunt Bessie? Is it St Smithens day already?” “Tis” 5:30am A Victorian Diary 5:45am A Victorian Diary

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Thomas and Friends 8:40am Bird Bath 8:50am My First... skull fuck. What a brilliant mixture of words, by themselves seemingly innocent... (apart from fuck)... anyway my point is...best mixture of words to say at a dinner party or whilst giving a speech.

Or accepting an award. 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:35pm Kids like These with four arms and three eyes have been near a nuclear fallout. 3:40pm Formula for Death Banana + Spikes + Cliff 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Tim Marlow on... Holbein 8:00pm Make Me a Supermodel 9:00pm CSI: Miami 10:00pm CSI:NY 11:00pm Trust Me I'm a Beauty Therapist with anything? OK! Here is my first born. 11:45pm The FBI Files 12:45am NASCAR Chase for the Nextel Cup 1:35am V8 Supercars 2:25am Golf: The Challenge hit ball into much smaller holes. 3:15am NBA Europe Live 4:30am NBA Europe Live The Final Garth Marenghi is now out on DVD, I suggest you buy it. Now.

TV Ellen is mostly having a moan about the fact she has to see a back doctor twice a week for the next six weeks due to her old lady back. It got clicked today and everything, it felt a bit like this “Arghhhh the pain.....dear god... oh that’s much better.” 7:00pm Doctor Who 7:45pm Doctor Who Confidential 8:00pm Grime Scene Investigation 8:30pm The Indestructibles 9:00pm Little Britain 9:30pm I'm With Stupid 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm That Mitchell and Webb Look 11:00pm Live! Girls! Present Dogtown 11:30pm Ideal 12:00am Family Guy 12:20am Nighty Night 12:50am Swiss Toni 1:20am I'm With Stupid Another tale from Ellen’s many tales of stupidity, when discussing the genre of music known as Riot Grrrrrl i called it Grrrrl Riot. More next week Gair Rhydd fans.

1:50am The Indestructibles 2:20am Live! Girls! Present Dogtown As opposed to DEAD GIRLS? 2:50am Nighty Night

7:00pm Journeys into the Ring of Fire 8:00pm The World smells 8:30pm Hannah Glasse: The First Domestic Goddess 9:00pm The Rebel Physician: Nicholas Culpeper's Fight 10:00pm Mark Lawson Talks to Marguerite Patten Marguerite is the former misinter of food and cooks things. By things I mean food. Not dead Beavers. I know what I’m doing on a Tuesday night now.

Not watching this. 11:00pm Good Bye Lenin! Yeah, see you next week, you bring the biscuits this time. 12:55am Journeys into the Ring of Fire leads to the inevitable burning up and death.

1:55am The Rebel Physician: Nicholas Culpeper's Fight 2:55am Mark Lawson Talks to Marguerite Patten TV Ryan suggested that since I had my CD player on pause then maybe the band are all inside my cd player and are all paused too. I explained that for this to be possible they would have to be midgets.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice From Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:50am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm High School Reunion 9:00pm Pretty Woman 11:25pm Entourage 12:00am The Office: An American Workplace 12:25am Single White Female 2:30am ITV Play: Playdate

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with Nelly Furtado 8:00am Wake Up with Nelly Furtado You massive over-produced sell out, get out me bedroom 8:30am Whatever...

You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but... Synchronised Dancing 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm The OC 3:00pm One Tree Hill 4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Lost 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Headland 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Ghost Whisperer 10:00pm Scrubs 10:30pm Russell Brand's Got Issues 11:00pm BAFTA Video Games Awards 12:05am Shameless 1:25am One Tree Hill 2:20am Ghost Whisperer 3:05am Scrubs 3:25am Shameless 4:30am Switched 4:55am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Dump Your Mates In Four Days 10:00am Sex, Lies and Soaps 10:30am Don't Make Me Angry 11:00am The Deadly Knowledge Show 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Darllen 'Da Fi 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Ari Awyren 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Rhacsyn a'r Goeden Hud 1:15pm British Made 1:25pm Wife Swap 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Hanesion Hyll 4:25pm Planed Plant:Mona y Fampir 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:25pm Tipit 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Taro 9 9:00pm Aberfan 10:00pm Cowbois

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

24 gairrhydd

WEDNESDAY

OCTOBER.16.2006 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Diagnosis Murder

Curious George

BBC1 2.35pm

ITV1 3.35pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Lazytown 3:50pm Maya and Miguel 4:15pm Crush 4:40pm The Batman 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Child of Our Time: the Children's Stories I think the child of our time should be the kid that plays Chesney off Corrie, he is a legend. He’s the best thing on that programme.

Mark my words.

7:30pm Real Story with Fiona Bruce 8:00pm Sky Cops 9:00pm Who Do You Think You Are? 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm The National Lottery Draws 10:40pm Hospital Check-Up 11:10pm ONE Life One love. One life.

When it’s one need in the night. One love, we get to share it, Leaves you baby if you dont care for it....’ what a shit song.11:50pm Checkout Yoga 12:20am 10 2:25am Sign Zone:Are We Being Served? 2:55am Sign Zone:Ancient Rome: The Rise and Fall of an Empire 3:55am Sign Zone:Fred Dibnah's World of Steam, Steel and Stone 4:25am Joins BBC News 24

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Trollz 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 8:55am Tweenies 9:15am Something Special 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Lunar Jim 10:00am Numberjacks 10:15am Our Planet 10:30am What the Ancients Did for Us 11:30am am.pm 1:00pm Lifeline 1:15pm The Flying Gardener 1:30pm Working Lunch 2:00pm The HitchHiker 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link my computer is the weakest link in my house, it refuses to understand the phenomena that is wireless. I am not happy and it is not fair. Just because my pooter is old and feeble this does not mean I should be denied the joys of Google and Wikipedia.

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two also known as Strictly Bum Prancing, Pricks Dumbly Romancing, Sickly Tum Dancing and later at night, Explicitly Bum Prancing.

7:00pm The Trees That Made Britain 7:30pm Johnny Kingdom: A Year On Exmoor 8:00pm Natural World 8:50pm Stoats of Kedleston Hall 9:00pm My Heart Belongs to Dad 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm The Apprentice USA 12:00am The Apprentice USA 12:45am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:Priestley Shorts 4:00am Miller Shorts

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm The Price Is Right 2:30pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:30pm Pocoyo 3:35pm Curious George 3:50pm Tricky Quickies some complicated positions to be achieved in record time in some unlikely places....4:00pm Grizzly Tales For Gruesome Kids 4:15pm Bel's Boys 4:30pm Jungle Run 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm The Last Samurai 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm The Last Samurai apparently when Katie Holmes was pregnant with Cruise the schmooze’s baby, he went out and bought his own ultrasound machine to keep an eye on it. Fuckin’ hell Tom, I don’t think it was planning on going anywhere quietly. Gimp.

Apparently overuse of the machine can be harmful to the foetus...maybe the baby was radioactive and that was why we didn’t see pictures for ages as she was still glowing...

12:35am ITV Play: The Mint 2:45am British Touring Cars Championship 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Dump Your Mates In Four Days 10:00am Sex, Lies and Soaps 10:30am Don't Make Me Angry 11:00am That'll Teach 'Em 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:30pm A Bell for Adano 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Raw Cuts Competition 8:00pm How Clean Is Your House?

8:30pm You Are What You Eat 9:00pm Family Brat Camp 10:00pm Goldplated 11:05pm God's Nudists Gymnophobia is an irrational fear of being seen naked or of seeing others naked.

Hmm, I could imagine that may pose some difficulties. For example, when you’re in the changing rooms at the swimming pool/gym and a pair of older, generally quite hairy women will just strip off and wander around the room rubbing a towel between their legs and sprinkling themselves with talcum powder. You don’t need a phobia to be scared of that....shudder.

12:10am Vodafone Live Music Awards 1:45am Red Bull Air Race 2:40am Copa Libertadores 3:30am Goalissimo! 4:25am Trans World Sport

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy or else he’ll frame you for murder and PC Plod will lock you up in his cells and give you a good seeing to. 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Thomas and Friends 8:40am Bird Bath 8:50am My First? 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm Cult Rescue 3:35pm Columbo: Etude in Black 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Game Ranger Diaries 8:00pm The Dog Suicide Bridge: Stranger than Fiction apparently there is one particular bridge in the UK that has been the site of more dog suicides than anywhere else in the world. This documentary tries to get to the bottom of this phenomena, what drives dogs to their deaths? Contains scenes of a disturbing nature.

9:00pm Angel Eyes 11:00pm Trust Me I'm a Beauty that’s what I’ve been trying to tell ya but you just wouldn’t listen would you?

Therapist 11:45pm PartyPoker.com World Open II 1:15am Baseball Wednesday 4:30am NHRA Drag Racing: Virginia Nationals

7:00pm Doctor Who 7:45pm Doctor Who 8:30pm The Real Hustle 9:00pm Too Ugly For Love 10:00pm Donnie Darko 11:50pm The Real Hustle let’s all become con artists and somehow rip off our landlords rather than it being the other way around. there must be a way. 12:15am The Indestructibles 12:45am Too Ugly For Love people this show includes are: Kaye Adams, Charlotte Church, the guy that plays Stifler in American Pie and Paris Hilton.

Of course. 1:45am The Ferocious Mr Fix It 2:40am Dog Borstal Haris has just entered the office to show me her new red shoes and they are absolutely fantastic! They are leather Converses and they look like bowling shoes and that’s really cool. Like the posh bowling shoes you get from bowling shops and then you can get them personalised.

Anyhoo, I am in a rush to get home so I am going to fill this space with blah: blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

7:00pm The African Rock 'n' Roll Years 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Nation on Film 9:00pm The League of Gentlemen Yay! this is fantastic disturbing comedy. I love it. I met someone the other day who doesn’t like any British comedy but for one exception which is too poor I daren’t even mention. I was flabberghasted, astounded, dumbfounded, astonished, disturbed, wailing in the street, petrified, amazed, concerned, it was an exhausting day.

9:30pm Broken News 10:00pm More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 10:30pm Lead Balloon 11:00pm Never Mind the Full Stops 11:30pm Mark Lawson Talks to Marguerite Patten 12:30am More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 1:00am Nation on Film 1:30am The African Rock 'n' Roll Years 2:30am Lead Balloon 3:00am More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 3:30am Never Mind the Full Stops

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice From Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm Hell's Kitchen USA 9:00pm Me and My Balls 10:00pm Single White Female 12:15am Coronation Street 12:45am ITV Play: Playdate 4:00am ITV Play: Playalong

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with... Nick Lachey 8:00am Wake Up with... Nick Lachey 8:30am Whatever... You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 9:30am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but... Nearly Naked 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:05pm The OC 3:05pm One Tree Hill 4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm The OC 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Headland 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Desperate Housewives 10:00pm Family Brat Camp Unseen 10:30pm Star Stories 11:05pm Goldplated 12:05am Beauty and the Geek 1:05am The Charlotte Church Show 1:50am Sex and the City 2:20am No Angels 3:20am Beauty and the Geek 4:05am The OC 4:45am

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:00am That'll Teach 'Em 10:00am Dump Your Mates In Four Days 10:30am Sex, Lies and Soaps 11:00am Don't Make Me Angry 11:30am Bitesize Bioleg 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Darllen 'Da Fi 12:40pm Planed Plant Bach:Peppa Pinc 12:45pm Binca 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Ding Dong 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Falmai y Fuwch 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm You Are What You Eat 1:55pm How Clean Is Your House? 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Clwb Winx 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Cer I Greu 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm The Simpsons 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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THURSDAY

OCTOBER.16.2006 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Crush

Primary Geography

Grizzly Tales...

Death of a President

Make me a Supermodel

BBC1 4.15pm

BBC2 11.50am

ITV 4.00pm

Channel 4 10.00pm

five 10.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors The other day I watched an episode of Doctors that was actually quite good.

Some guy’s son commited suicide because he was bullied, so he made the bully try to kill himself. His pIan failed. I think that’s the second time I’ve watched a whole episode. 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Lazytown 3:50pm Maya and Miguel 4:15pm Crush 4:40pm The Batman 5:00pm Young Dracula 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Super Vets Vets whacked up on ket treat horses with broken legs.

By treat I mean shoot in the head. Also features a cat who’s addicted to catnip and tries to go cold turkey.

7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm What Not to Wear 9:00pm Ancient Rome: The Rise and Fall of an Empire 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Dragon's Eye 11:05pm Question Time 12:05am This Week 1:05am Sign Zone:Jane Eyre 2:05am Sign Zone:Equator 3:05am Joins BBC News 24

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Trollz 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 8:55am Tweenies 9:15am Something Special 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Lunar Jim 10:00am Numberjacks 10:15am Our Planet 10:30am Look and Read 10:50am Music Makers 11:10am The Maths Channel - Year 6 11:20am The Maths Channel - Year 6 The maths I did in year 6 was a piece of piss, although I can’t remember it. In school you learn how to do long division, but in real life you can use a fucking calculator. The most maths I do now is adding up the cost of food in Lidl. 11:30am Focus 11:50am Primary Geography 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Bengazi 2:15pm World Gymnastics Championships 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Doctor Thompson's Casebook 7:30pm Mythbusters 8:00pm The Best Bits of Dragons' Den 9:00pm Extras 9:30pm That Mitchell and Webb Look 10:00pm Mock the Week 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm The Apprentice USA 12:00am The Apprentice USA 12:40am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:Media Studies 4:00am In Context

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today Lorraine Kelly is so famous that she has her name abbreviated to her initials. She still only presents shitty morning TV. 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm The Price Is Right 2:30pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:30pm Pocoyo 3:35pm Curious George We can only hope that cunt face Jack ‘the spack’ Johnson will feature in order to promote his shitty records. 3:50pm Tricky Quickies 4:00pm Grizzly Tales For Gruesome Kids Do you think kids will learn about the all-American Killers like Ted Bundy and Charles Manson? Maybe they’ll learn about the British stars Fred and Rose West, Mirah Hindley and Ian Huntley. Anyone else would be a waste of 15 minutes. 4:15pm Bel's Boys 4:30pm Jungle Run 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm The Pier 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm Ladette To Lady 10:00pm Tarrant on TV 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm The Aberfan Disaster 12:00am Waterfront 12:25am ITV Play: The Mint 3:45am Britain's Best Back Gardens 4:10am Driving Mum and Dad Mad 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:05am Making It 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Dump Your Mates In Four Days 10:00am Sex, Lies and Soaps 10:30am Don't Make Me Angry 11:00am That'll Teach 'Em 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:30pm The Way to the Stars 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Raw Cuts Competition 8:00pm No Going Back: More Chaos at the Castle 9:00pm Dispatches 10:00pm Death of a President I’ve seen someone in the Union wearing ‘Fat Wreck Chords’ t-shirt which says ‘Not my President’ above a photo George Bush. No fucking shit Sherlock!

If he was your President you sure as hell wouldn’t be at Fun Factory at Cardiff University on a Monday. You’d probably be in L.A. listening to shitty So-Cal Punk whilst smoking a joint and chilling on the beach. 11:55pm TMobile Presents Twisted Carnival 12:40am The Charlotte Church Show 1:30am Darr 4:35am Supporting Acts Ronan Keating supports Goo Goo Dolls at the Union. He might even join them to sing Iris. 4:55am In Your Dreams 5:10am Countdown 5:55am Inuk

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Thomas and Friends 8:40am Bird Bath 8:50am My First... 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:35pm Riding with Death 3:30pm UEFA Cup Football 5:50pm UEFA Cup Football 7:55pm UEFA Cup Football There’s three European games on five tonight.

That shits all over every other channel.

I probably won’t watch any of them as I’ll forget they’re on. Actually I won’t watch them because I’ll be here writing this shit.

10:00pm Make Me a Supermodel Look, if you’re not graced with good looks you’re probably not going to be a supermodel. Its something that I have to come to terms with everyday, but I don’t got on TV in a an attempt to fool myself and others that I’m not completely repulsive.

11:05pm Trust Me I'm a Beauty Therapist I can’t think of anyone better to trust. No really, I can’t. I also can’t think of anything else to write.

11:50pm John Barnes' Football Night Even more football. Channel five on a Thursday is pretty shit hot. 12:50am Quiz Call 4:00am Dutch Football 4:45am Football Argentina 5:30am Major League Soccer

7:00pm The Indestructibles 7:30pm Runaways 8:00pm Dog Borstal 9:00pm Say No to the Knife 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm The Real Hustle 11:00pm Grime Scene Investigation 11:30pm The Indestructibles 12:00am Dog Borstal 12:55am The Real Hustle 1:25am Grime Scene Investigation 1:55am The Ferocious Mr Fix It 2:50am Say No to the Knife Pop Punk Top Trumps: Me First and the Gimme Gimmes- Clown Potential: 10 vs Good Charlotte- Clown Potential: 2. LitLikelihood of Fan Carving Band Name into Arm: 2 vs AFI- Likelihood of Fan Carving Name into Arm: 10. Dashboard Confessional- Number of Actively Ugly People in Band: 1 vs Fallout BoyNumber of Actively Ugy People in Band: 2. Bad Religion- Likelihood of Getting ‘Action’ Wearing their T-Shirt: 8 vs [spunge]- Likelihood of Getting ‘Action’ Wearing their T-Shirt: 2. Panic! at the disco- Credibility: 8 vs YellowcardCredibility: 2

7:00pm Sounds of the Sixties 7:10pm The Avengers 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Up Pompeii 9:00pm Forty Minutes On 10:00pm The Avengers Revisited 10:30pm The Late Edition 11:00pm I, Claudius 11:50pm The Rebel Physician: Nicholas Culpeper's Fight 12:50am The Late Edition 1:20am The Perfect Village 1:50am Forty Minutes On 2:50am Mark Lawson Talks to Marguerite Patten Less than Jake- Popularity: 7 vs No Use For A Name- Popularity: 4 NOFXNumber of Actively Ugly People in Band: 4 vs Anti-Flag- Number of Actively Ugly People in Band: 0 The OffspringLikelihood of Fan Carving Band Name ino Arm: 0 vs BoxCar Racer- Likelihood of Fan Carving Band Name into Arm: 3 Jimmy Eat World- Clown Potential: 1 vs Blink 182- Clown Potential: 9 As you can see, Pop Punk Top Trumps are great fun.

Thankyou TV John for bringing them in.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice from Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:50am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm Xtra Factor: The Aftermath 9:00pm Best Man's Speech 10:00pm Entourage 10:30pm The Office: An American Workplace 11:00pm The Bourne Identity 1:15am ITV Play: Playdate

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with Kasabian 8:00am Wake Up with Kasabian 8:30am Whatever... You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 9:30am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but... Dodgy Outfits 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm The OC 3:00pm One Tree Hill 4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm The OC 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Headland 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Scrubs 9:30pm The War at Home 10:00pm The Sopranos 11:10pm Bo in the USA 11:45pm 8 Out of 10 Cats 12:15am Smack the Pony 12:50am Scrubs 1:15am The War at Home 1:45am The Sopranos 2:40am Bo in the USA 3:10am 8 Out of 10 Cats 3:35am Smack the Pony Tree

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 7:55am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:00am That'll Teach 'Em 10:00am Dump Your Mates In Four Days 10:30am Sex, Lies and Soaps 11:00am Don't Make Me Angry 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Darllen 'Da Fi 12:40pm Pingu 12:45pm Tomos A'i Ffrindiau 12:50pm Anturiaethau Smot y Ci 1:00pm Meees! 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm Selling Houses 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Tylwyth Od Timmy 4:20pm Tylwyth Od Timmy 4:40pm Crafwr 4:50pm Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:25pm Tipit 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Cymry Ohio 9:30pm Bandit 10:00pm Ralio 11:00pm The Madness of Boy George 12:00am Best of the Worst

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff,CF24 4NN

02920 229977

26 gairrhydd

FRIDAY

OCTOBER.16.2006 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Man To Man With Dean Learner C4 11.05pm

Caddyshack

Working Lunch

Tricky Quickies

BBC1 11.35pm

BBC2 12.30pm

itv1 3.50pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am City Hospital 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Lazytown 3:50pm Watch My Chops 4:05pm What's New Scooby-Doo? 4:30pm The Basil Brush Show 4:55pm The Slammer 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm A Question of Sport 7:30pm Open All Hours 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm The Green Green Grass 9:00pm Have I Got News for You 9:30pm Not Going Out 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Friday Night with Jonathan Ross What a perfect way to start the weekend. Huzzah!

11:35pm Caddyshack 80s cheese all the way from Harold Ramis as Chevy Chases it up and Rodney Dangerfield well..shouts and curses on an exclusive golf course. If that doesn’t whet your appetite then maybe the antics of groundskeeper Spackler (a young Bill Murray) armed with a rifle, hunting a destructive yet dancing gopher will. Bugs Bunny on crack anyone?

1:15am Joins BBC News 24

7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am Trollz 7:30am Roar 8:30am CBeebies:Charlie and Lola 8:40am Boogie Beebies 8:55am Tweenies 9:15am Something Special 9:30am Me Too! 9:50am Lunar Jim 10:00am Numberjacks 10:15am Our Planet 10:30am Razzledazzle 10:50am Schools:Henry's Wives with Terry Deary 11:00am Primary Geography 11:20am Focus 11:40am See You, See Me, See Castles 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch Graeme Le Saux visits a farm. Farming is the new route for footballers after they finish their careers. Graeme Le Saux used to take fantastic free-kicks for the mighty BRFC who won the Premiership only a decade ago.

1:30pm Animal Park 2:15pm World Gymnastics Championships 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two to Yo La Tango 7:00pm Showtime Wales 7:30pm The Trees That Made Britain 8:00pm Johnny Kingdom 8:30pm Gardeners' World 9:00pm Simon Schama's Power of Art 10:00pm QI 10:30pm Newsnight 11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm Originals 12:35am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone 2:30am Lie of the Land 3:00am Music and Place 3:30am The Art of the Restorer

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm The Price Is Right 2:30pm Crime Hour: Midsomer Murders 3:30pm Pocoyo 3:35pm Curious George 3:50pm Tricky Quickies This week the lucky couple do some difficult horizonal jogging in a lavatory full of...you guessed it readers SSSSSSNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKK KKKKKKKKKKEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:00pm Grizzly Tales For Gruesome Kids 4:15pm Bel's Boys 4:30pm The New Worst Witch 5:00pm The Sharon Osbourne Show - X Factor Special 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street A distraught Ashley has to deal with a local necromancer who has some tomfoolery with the recently deceased Fred Elliott.

8:00pm Tonight with Trevor McDonald It’s the anniversary of the show tonight, and Trevor is surprised with a five foot tall cake. A lady bereft of clothes jumps out of the cake in jest but trigger-happy Trevor doesn’t cope too well. Jeremy Kyle comes on as a guest to get him to talk about it.

8:30pm Coronation Street 9:00pm Blue Murder 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm Hell's Kitchen 12:00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:25am Too Many Cooks 5:00am ITV Nightscreen

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Dump Your Mates In Four Days 10:00am Sex, Lies and Soaps 10:30am Don't Make Me Angry 11:00am That'll Teach 'Em 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Headland 1:25pm King of Queens 1:50pm Footsteps in the Fog 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:35pm Unreported World 8:00pm The War at Home 8:30pm The Simpsons 9:00pm The Simpsons 9:30pm Star Stories 10:00pm 8 Out of 10 Cats 10:30pm Bo in the USA 11:05pm Man to Man With Dean Learner Feck I hope this is good. I will be at the Essex Green n El Goodo gig @ Welsh Clwb so I’ll have to rely on my trusty VCR. Note to burglars: Feel free to rob my house but please don’t pinch my VCR. 11:40pm My Name Is Earl My VCR will still be recording. Back of the net!

12:10am The Album Chart Show 1:10am Party Poker.com Late Night Poker Ace 2:10am South American Championship Football 3:05am Grudge Match 3:15am American Citizen 5:00am Supporting Acts 5:10am Countdown 5:55am Inuk

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:50am Hi-5 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:20am Thomas and Friends 8:40am Bird Bath Bob and Mo look for some seeds to eat. Seminal stuff. 8:50am My First... 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:35pm Stones for Ibarra 3:40pm Baby for Sale 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Pimp My Ride UK 8:00pm Pimp My Ride 8:30pm Pimp My Ride 9:00pm Make Me a Supermodel 10:00pm The Trouble with Celebrity: From Gawker to Stalker I had a stalker once. In fact (not scientifically proven though) I had one just last week. TvNeil saved my life by taking me to his (after a sweet detour to a place that made cheese, chips and beans for me) house to watch Extras, thus avoiding the scary lady.

11:00pm Trust Me I'm a Beauty Therapist 11:45pm Cosmetic Surgery: The Perfect Face Radical cosmetic procedures, including the man who had his face reattached in order to look like a Brazilian carnival queen. The surgery is done by Jodie Marsh.

12:45am Quiz Call

7:00pm Dog Borstal 8:00pm Say No to the Knife 9:00pm Robin Hood 9:45pm The Real Hustle 10:00pm EastEnders Mo and fat Pat get in on, covering themselves in whipped cream. Lo-fat I may add.

10:30pm I'm With Stupid 11:00pm Live! Girls! Present Dogtown 11:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:30am The Real Hustle 1:00am Grime Scene Investigation 1:30am The Indestructibles 2:00am Dog Borstal 2:55am Anthea Turner: The Perfect Housewife A list of five celebrity folk I would like to bedroom dance with in no particular order: 1 Kirsten Dunst 2 Scarlett Johnasson 3 Janeane Garofalo 4 Maggie Gyllenhaal 5 Goldie Hawn (in Private Benjamin)

7:00pm Time 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Family Ties 9:00pm Cambridge Folk Festival 10:00pm Rock Goes to College 10:30pm QI is a programme that will make you smile like a demented badger. If not, you don’t have a soul.

11:00pm Lead Balloon Jack Dee, apparently 11:30pm The Avengers 12:20am Cambridge Folk Festival 1:20am Coppersongs 2:20am Lead Balloon 2:50am Family Ties 3:20am Cambridge Folk Festival I’m going to watch Seth Lakeman at The Point tonight. He’s folk. What elation.

A list of five celebrity folk I would like to be friends with in no particular order: 1 Stephen Fry 2 Bill Bailey 3 Dylan Moran 4 Janeane Garofalo 5 Nick Frost

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Sabrina's Secret Life 7:55am Biker Mice from Mars 8:25am Transformers Cybertron 8:55am Sonic Underground That’s right folks, The Velvet Underground and Sonic Youth have formed a supergroup, or rather merged to make up for dead members.

9:25am Coronation Street 9:50am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm ITV at the Movies 5:45pm Celebrity Daredevils 6:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 7:00pm Xtra Factor: The Aftermath

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with The Pussycat Dolls 8:00am Wake Up with The Pussycat Dolls 8:30am Whatever...

You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 9:30am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but... Dodgy Hair 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm The OC 3:00pm One Tree Hill 4:00pm Switched 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm The OC 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Headland 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Wife Swap 10:00pm The 51st State 11:50pm Funny Cuts: Simon Brodkin's Comedy Shorts 12:05am Funny Cuts: Unknown Stuntman 12:25am Porn: A Family Business

6:10am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am Will and Grace 8:55am 3 Minute Wonder 9:00am That'll Teach 'Em 9:50am Dump Your Mates In Four Days 10:15am Sex, Lies and Soaps 10:40am Don't Make Me Angry 11:10am That'll Teach 'Em 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder In and out, UncleRy style 1:20pm It's Me or the Dog 1:55pm Cooking It 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant 4:25pm Paparazzi 4:50pm Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Uned 5 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Hwyl y Noson Lawen 9:00pm Tipit 9:35pm Naw tan Naw 10:00pm 8 Out of 10 Cats

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27

SATURDAY

OCTOBER.16.2006 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Gerald McBoing Boing five 8:30am

Breakfast

Legend of the Dragon

BBC1 6am

BBC2 8.15am

6:00am Breakfast 10:00am Saturday Kitchen 11:30am To Be Announced 12:00pm BBC News; Weather 12:10pm Football Focus 1:00pm Grandstand 1:05pm Racing from Aintree and Chepstow 2:20pm Snooker: Grand Prix 4:30pm Final Score 5:20pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5:45pm To Be Announced It’s an hour and 25 minutes long so it must be a documentary about the first cat stretching device ever used in Norway.

7:10pm To Be Announced It’s 45 minutes long so it must be footage of the Goer war re-enacted by drugged up elephants 7:55pm The National Lottery: 1 vs 100 8:40pm Casualty 9:30pm To Be Announced It’s 25 minutes long so it must be a naughty late night version of Neighbours.

9:55pm BBC News; Weather 10:15pm Match of the Day 11:35pm Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 12:35am Film To Be Announced It’s an hour and 35 minutes long so it must be a extended version of a short film.

2:10am Joins BBC News 24 And now some of my newly written sci-fi epic to fill space.

So, in my brief science fiction story there is a alien, half cat half man. Let’s call him, erm... Bandhead. And there is also a protagonist, who will be a girl, but of course will have to have a powerful name. Like Shebar Le Tigre. She sounds a bit like a posh type...

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am Bobinogs 6:30am Charlie and Lola 6:45am The Story Makers 7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:10am Astro Boy 7:30am Dennis the Menace 7:50am Watch My Chops 8:15am Legend of the Dragon 8:40am What's New Scooby-Doo? 9:00am TMi 11:45am Sportsround 12:00pm See Hear 12:45pm Gymnastics 1:45pm Film 2006 with Jonathan Ross 2:00pm Racing: Epsom 2:15pm Star Trek: The Next Generation 3:05pm Monk 3:50pm Film To Be Announced 6:00pm Snooker: Grand Prix 7:55pm Galapagos 8:00pm The Culture Show 8:50pm TOTP 2 9:15pm Film To Be Announced 10:45pm QI 11:15pm Mock the Week 11:45pm Snooker: Grand Prix 12:45am The Culture Show 1:35am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Open University and General Interest:The Challenge 2:30am Sex and the Single Gene? 3:00am Independent Living 3:30am Rough Science 4:00am Rough Science 4:30am Hospitals - Who Needs Them? 5:00am Snapshots: Leaping into Uncertainty 5:15am Snapshots: Engineering a New Life 5:30am Ever Wondered? ...and now you can betray me no longer. PLUS the washing your bits in front of me, no."

And Shebar continued preparing the Alpha device, aiming it directly at Lord Gradierz’s ice temple coz he was a really bad man....

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:20am Pocoyo 6:30am Little Einsteins 6:55am Dora the Explorer 7:25am House of Mouse 7:55am SpongeBob SquarePants 8:15am Biker Mice from Mars 8:50am Avatar 9:25am CITV:Spongebob Squarepants 9:55am CITV:The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers 10:00am CITV:Shuriken School 10:30am To Be Announced 11:00am CITV:Drake and Josh 11:30am CITV:The New Adventures of Superman 12:30pm ITV News; Weather 12:40pm ITV Wales News and Weather 12:45pm 12 Books That Changed the World 1:45pm Film To Be Announced 4:55pm ITV Wales News and Weather 5:10pm ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5:25pm All New You've Been Framed!

5:55pm The X Factor 7:55pm Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 9:10pm The X Factor - The Result 9:40pm Afterlife 10:40pm Parkinson 11:40pm ITV News 11:55pm F1: Brazilian Grand Prix Qualifying 1:50am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:35am Trading Treasures 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News "Oh. well this is awkward" said Shebar before shooting him another eight times.

"I die... bitch," cried Bandhead as he collapsed riddled with phaser burns.

Shebar went back to the task at hand and blew up the ice temple.

The end.

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Honda Formula 4 Powerboating 7:30am FIA GT Racing Highlights 8:00am The Morning Line 9:00am T4:Futurama 9:30am T4:Friends 10:00am To Be Announced 10:30am T4:Popworld 11:15am To Be Announced 11:30am T4:Friends 12:00pm T4:Totally Boyband 12:30pm T4:Freaky 1:00pm T4:Charmed 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing 4:00pm To Be Announced 4:30pm To Be Announced 5:30pm To Be Announced 6:30pm Channel 4 News 7:00pm Hitler's Holocaust 8:00pm Bremner, Bird and Fortune 9:00pm Film To Be Announced 11:20pm Goldplated 12:20am 4 Music:4Music Presents... 12:50am 4 Music:4 Play 1:05am To Be Announced 1:35am 4 Music:4 Play 1:50am Driven 4:00am To Be Announced 4:25am Dispatches 5:25am Countdown Since my last story went down so well I think I will now fill up even more space with my short horror story. Eh hem. Sarah McFace was doing normal teenage girl things, like putting on make up in her mirror with light bulbs around the edges, when suddenly she heard a noise coming from her attic in her empty house. "Oh why did my parents have to go away for two weeks and leave me hear all alone, especially when all those people keep being disembowled in the local area by a mysterious assiliant." Sarah said.

6:00am Sunrise 6:55am Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7:10am Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7:25am The Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Franklin 8:30am Gerald McBoing Boing 9:05am Jane and the Dragon 9:35am Blue Water High 10:05am Hercules: Legendary Journeys 11:05am Harry and Cosh 11:40am The Gadget Show 12:25pm To Be Announced 1:15pm Columbo: A Stitch in Crime 3:05pm Last of the Dogmen 5:15pm Flash 7:05pm five news and sport 7:25pm NCIS 8:15pm NCIS 9:10pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:10pm Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 11:10pm Rushmore 12:55am Major League Baseball - The World Series 4:30am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS ... aka 37 and shot her in the leg "Ow," Suddenly Barah appeared from behind a suitcase. A big suitcase.

"HAHAH you thought I was dead, but instead I have been here in the attic training the cat to be evil. and disembolwing people."

"But why Barah, WHY! We use to be friends didnt we" cried Sarah pleadingly as her leg ached. "No, I always hated you, you’re a bitch."

"You'll never get away with this."

"Finish HER." But fluffykins fell through the attic door into Narnia...

7:00pm Mind, Body and Kick Ass Moves 7:30pm The Real Hustle 8:00pm Walking with Dinosaurs 9:00pm Minority Report 11:15pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:45pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:15am I'm With Stupid ...of cat food. No whiskers for your cat, try Shebar Le Tigre! That may also be coz there is in actual fact a posh cat food already called Shebar... spelt differently. Ha fuck you copyright laws. In the FACE. Right our story begins at chapter 13 on Snickers Fifth moon.

"Shebar. I think miow." Said Bandhead, stopping momentarily to lick his naughty bits. This allowed Shebar to get a Phaser, put it to Stun five and shoot him through the ear. "Ha ha Bandhead, I will not hear another word out of you because you are dead, I know you have been betraying me to Lord Gradierz, because that was the subplot to the last 12 chapters...

7:00pm Meetings with Remarkable Trees 7:10pm Forbidden Shostakovich 8:40pm To Be Announced 9:00pm Bad Education 10:40pm The Secret Life of Mrs Beeton 12:05am Cambridge Folk Festival 1:05am Pete Doherty Talks to Kirsty Wark 1:35am The Secret Life of Mrs Beeton 3:00am Forbidden Shostakovich Suddenly she was grabbed from behind. When she rose she realised that in fact Band face was not dead! He was standing close enough to tickle her face with his cute but evil whiskers. Of doom. Or something. "Ha ha nine lives you fool, and now to kill you." Bandhead raised his claws in defiance ready to pounce when suddenly Shebar pressed a button and a massive ball of wool rose from the ground. Bandhead looked at it stunned as it began rolling down the hill.

"CHASE, GO" cried shebar.

"Im not an idiot." miowed Bandhead.

6:00am Ni Ni's Treehouse 7:20am MacDonald's Farm 8:25am Mags and Mo 8:30am Bug Alert! 8:50am The Wheels on the Bus 9:00am Teleshopping 9:25am Emmerdale Omnibus 12:10pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2:55pm Holidays Undercover 3:55pm High School Reunion 4:55pm The Xtra Factor: Xcess All Areas 5:55pm The New Adventures of Superman 6:55pm The New Adventures of Superman 7:55pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:55pm The Guardian Movie Special 9:25pm Celebrity Daredevils 9:40pm Xtra Factor: Results 10:25pm To Be Announced 12:25am The X Factor The Result 12:55am Xtra Factor: Results 1:40am ITV Play: Playdate 3:30am Emmerdale Omnibus What you think? Shall I now leave university to continue my writing career?

6:00am E4 Music Zone 2:00pm The Album Chart Show 2:30pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Wife Swap 7:00pm Invasion 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm To Be Announced 1:15am Porn: A Family Business 1:45am Bo in the USA 2:15am Wife Swap 3:15am Invasion 4:00am The Album Chart Show 4:30am Switched 5:00am Switched 5:30am Switched She decided the best thing to do was to check out the noise, it couldn’t be a mad murderer. As she rose up the attic stairs into the creepy room she thought again of her twin sister Barah who has disapeared three years ago to the day, her body never found. Sarah wasn’t upset coz Barah was creepy and disembolwed her Barbies. She crept into the attic and suddenly heard a noise from behind, shivering she turned round to see it was her cat. "Oh fluffykins what are you doing up here."

Fluffykins pulled out a...

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Honda Formula 4 Powerboating 7:30am FIA GT Racing Highlights 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am Futurama 9:20am Friends 9:50am Princess Nikki 10:20am Friends 10:45am Charmed 11:35am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 12:25pm Freaky 12:55pm Beauty and the Geek 1:50pm To Be Announced 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing 4:00pm To Be Announced 4:10pm The Vikings 6:20pm Y Clwb Pel-Droed 6:55pm Newyddion a Chwaraeon 7:10pm Aberfan 8:10pm Noson Lawen 9:10pm Tipit 9:45pm Cwpan Heineken 10:45pm Stuck on You 1:00am Bremner, Bird and Fortune 2:00am The Rules of Attraction 4:00am South American Championship Football: Copa Sudamericana 4:55am KOTV and was distracted. Sarah moved quickly and took off her mask to reveal she was a monster. They ate ice cream.

The end.

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SUNDAY

OCTOBER.16.2006 TV@gairrhydd.COM

To Be Announced

To Be Announced

BBC1 4.00pm

BBC2 12.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 7:35am Match of the Day 9:00am Sunday AM This is definitely no Soccer AM. Sunday TV is so shit. There’s absolutely fuck all to write. 10:00am Heaven and Earth with Gloria Hunniford 11:00am Countryfile 12:00pm The Politics Show 1:00pm EastEnders 2:55pm To Be Announced 4:00pm To Be Announced 4:25pm To Be Announced 4:55pm Points of View 5:10pm Jane Eyre 6:10pm Songs of Praise Morning has broken,like the first morning, blackbird has spoken like the first bird; Praise for the singing, praise for the morning, Praise for them springing fresh from the Word. Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven, like the first dewfall On the first grass; Praise for the sweetness, of the wet garden, sprung in completeness where his feet pass. Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning, born of the one light Eden saw play; Praise with elation, praise every morning, God's re-creation of the new day.

6:45pm Antiques Roadshow 7:35pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 8:00pm Incredible Animal Journeys: Osprey Odyssey 9:00pm To Be Announced To Be Announced does not make my job any fucking easier.

10:00pm BBC News; Weather 10:15pm To Be Announced 11:15pm To Be Announced 12:55am Sign Zone:Who Do You Think You Are? 1:55am Sign Zone:Holby City 2:55am Sign Zone:Antiques Roadshow

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am Bobinogs 6:30am Charlie and Lola 6:45am The Story Makers 7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:10am Legend of the Dragon 7:30am Smile 10:00am Something for the Weekend 11:30am Planet Food 12:00pm To Be Announced 12:35pm Portuguese Motorcycle Grand Prix 1:00pm Sunday Grandstand 1:05pm World Gymnastics Championships 2:40pm Racing from Aintree 4:00pm Rugby League TriNations 6:00pm Snooker: Grand Prix 8:00pm To Be Announced 9:00pm Beyond Boundaries: The African Challenge I saw this the other week and there was a woman in a wheelchair who made everyone else push her. Let’s bear in mind that everyone else also had a disability.

10:00pm Match of the Day 2 10:55pm Extras We were just told by someone, who I won’t name, that Extras is on. So we switched on BBC2 and it was just finishing. How fucking annoying is that? Good one, Ryan. We now know what happens at the end.

11:25pm Snooker: Grand Prix 1:00am The Culture Show 1:50am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: WorkSkills in Construction:The Complete Guide 3:00am The Career Ladder 4:00am Communication and Customer Care Skills 5:00am Building Your Business Speak to my housemate, Alex. He does stuff with AISEC. They do business stuff I think. It sounds pretty lame though.

6:00am The Sunday Programme 7:20am Power Rangers SPD 7:55am Totally Spies! 8:30am Emperor's New School 9:05am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am CITV:Art Attack 9:50am CITV:Planet Sketch 10:00am The Championship 11:00am The Sunday Edition with Andrew Rawnsley and Andrea Catherwood 11:55am ITV Wales News and Weather 12:00pm The Way We Worshipped 12:30pm Wales Soccer Sunday 1:00pm The Food Show 1:30pm The X Factor 3:30pm The X Factor - The Result 4:00pm Planet's Funniest Animals 4:30pm ITV Wales News and Weather 4:45pm ITV News; Weather 5:00pm F1: Brazilian Grand Prix Live 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street Fred Elliot is still dead. What a shame. TV Gareth pointed out that on the day of his death, Fred was smoking like a chimney. I have never seen him smoke ever before. And then on Wednesday, everyone kept saying how much he smoked and how they remembered him standing at the bar ‘puffing away’. We’re pretty sure this never ever happened.

8:00pm The Royal 9:00pm Prime Suspect 11:00pm ITV News 11:10pm The South Bank Show 12:10am F1: Brazilian Grand Prix Highlights 1:10am Champions League Weekly 1:40am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Trans World Sport 8:00am Adrenalin Rush 8:30am Freesports on 4 9:00am T4:Popworld 9:45am Friends 10:15am T4:Hollyoaks Omnibus 12:45pm T4:Slave to Fashion 1:20pm Girls Aloud: Off the Record 1:45pm To Be Announced 2:15pm Friends 2:50pm T4:Smallville: Superman the Early Years 3:50pm T4:Charmed 4:50pm To Be Announced 5:50pm Deal or No Deal 6:40pm T4:Decoding Da Vinci On the way to ATP, Tom, Peter, TV Gareth and I Uncoded the Da Vinci Code for a bloke who was reading it on the train. We spoke about the ending and how stupid it was that someone in the book was a direct descendent of Jesus Christ. OH COME ON! That’s the most fucking stupid idea ever. That would probably never happen. I quite enjoyed reading The Da Vinci Code, but the ending was a bit far fetched, as my Grandad would say.

7:40pm Channel 4 News 8:00pm To Be Announced 10:05pm To Be Announced 12:00am 4 Music:BT Digital Music Awards 2006 1:00am 4 Play 1:15am 4 Music:The Album Chart Show My Chemical Romance could be number 1 on the singles charts on Sunday. So far this week they’re only 200 copies behind Razorlight. I hope Gerard Way and co. teach Borrel and the Kunts a thing or two. 1:45am Antwone Fisher 4:05am KOTV 4:30am Dispatches 5:25am Countdown

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:35am Sailor Sid 6:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 6:55am Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7:10am Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7:25am The Little Princess 7:40am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Franklin 8:30am Gerald McBoing Boing 9:00am Jane and the Dragon 9:30am What Makes Me Happy 9:45am Demolition Dad 10:00am Round the Twist I haven’t seen this genius programme for years.

There’s no chance that I’ll ever be up this early on a Sunday. 10:30am Over the Sea to School 11:05am Snobs 11:35am Combat Club 12:05pm A Different Life 12:35pm Revelations 1:05pm five news update 1:10pm Fifth Gear 2:10pm The Scarlet Pimpernel 5:00pm The Great South Run 6:00pm five news and sport 6:10pm The Addams Family 8:00pm Make Me a Supermodel 9:00pm Greatest Ever Comedy Movies Kingpin, Tootsie, Some Like it Hot, This Is Spinal Tap, Jackass the Movie, Wayne’s World, Crank, Dumb and Dumber, Monty Python, Freddy Got Fingered, Ace Venture, R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet, Snakes on a Plane, Schindler’s List, The Mighty Wind, This list was compiled, by TV Neil, TV John and TV Ellen. 11:45pm World's Wildest Police Videos 12:45am Major League Baseball - The World Series 3:45am Major League Soccer 5:00am The X Games XII

7:00pm Robin Hood 7:45pm The Real Hustle 8:00pm The 34 Stone Teenager This reminds me of the Weight Gain 3000 episode of South Park. You know the one where Cartman follows his dreams and gets really fat? Its from Series 1 and is pretty fecking funny.

Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals. I’m living proof. Beefcake! BEEFCAKE! 9:00pm Little Britain 9:30pm Best Bits of Catherine Tate 10:00pm My Small Breasts and I 11:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:00am To Be Announced 1:00am My Small Breasts and I 2:00am To Be Announced 3:00am To Be Announced Are you honest when no one's looking?

Can you summon honey from a telephone? They sat there with their hooks in the water and their moustaches caked with airplane glue. Oh come let us adore them California overboard when the sun sets on the ghetto all...

7:00pm Planet Earth 8:00pm Reader, I Married Him 9:00pm Lead Balloon 9:30pm More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 10:00pm Mark Lawson Talks to Ridley Scott 11:00pm The Men from the Agency 12:10am The Late Edition 12:40am Hannah Glasse: The First Domestic Goddess 1:10am Jarvis Cocker Talks to Kirsty Wark 1:40am More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 2:10am Reader, I Married Him 3:10am The Late Edition 3:40am Mark Lawson Talks to Ridley Scott the broken stuff gets cold. Smith and Jones forever!

Smith and Jones forever! Smith and Jones forever together forever and ever.

Build a stage for Autumn's bitch.

They walk the alleys in duct tape shoes. They see the things they need through the windows of a hatchback The alleys are the footnotes of the avenues. Oh come let us adore them California overboard

6:00am Ni Ni's Treehouse 6:25am Mopatop's Shop 6:35am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Engie Benjy 7:10am Pocoyo 7:20am Power Rangers Space Delta Patrol 7:55am Totally Spies!

8:30am Emperor's New School 9:05am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am Movies Now 9:35am The Guardian Movie Special 10:00am Emmerdale Omnibus 12:45pm To Be Announced 2:45pm Coronation Street Omnibus 5:30pm Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway 6:45pm The X Factor 8:45pm The X Factor - The Result 9:15pm Xtra Factor: Results 10:00pm Entourage 10:30pm The Office: An American Workplace 11:00pm Entourage Uncovered 12:00am Best Man's Speech 1:00am ITV Play: Playdate 4:00am ITV Play: Playalong

6:00am E4 Music Zone 2:10pm Popworld 3:00pm Young, Sexy and...

Rich 4:00pm Reunion 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm The War at Home 7:00pm One Tree Hill 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Ghost Whisperer 10:00pm The Sopranos 11:15pm Hollyoaks: In the City 12:15am Scrubs 12:45am The War at Home 1:15am Ghost Whisperer 2:15am The Sopranos 3:30am Hollyoaks: In the City 4:30am Switched 5:00am Switched 5:30am Switched holding up their trousers with extension cords. I've got two tickets to a midnight execution.

We'll hitchhike our way from Odessa to Houston. And when they turn on the chair something's added to the air, when they turn on the chair something's added to the air forever.

Smith and Jones forever! Smith and Jones forever! Smith and Jones forever together forever and ever.

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Trans World Sport 8:00am Adrenalin Rush 8:30am Freesports on 4 9:00am Hollyoaks Omnibus 11:30am Charmed 12:30pm Yr Wythnos 1:00pm Maniffesto 1:30pm Totally Boyband 1:55pm The Black Swan 3:30pm Men in White 4:30pm Decoding Da Vinci 5:30pm Newyddion 5:35pm Pobol y Cwm Omnibws 7:30pm Popeth yn Gymraeg 8:00pm Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8:30pm Mastermind Cymru 9:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 10:05pm Newyddion 10:20pm The Yards 12:20am The Fifth Element 2:40am Dhoom 4:55am Unreported World Note to self: There is NOT an Oxford Critical Companion to Bright Flight. So yeah, this weeks TV listings come to a close.

Not only cos this is Sunday, but cos this is my last sentence. I’m going to the City Arms with TV John and TV Ellen and selected other people. I’m petty tired though, so I might not get drunk...

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

The Way We Worshipped

To Be Announced

Snobs

ITV 12.00pm

Channel 4 8.00pm

five 11.05am

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PROBLEM PAGE

OCTOBER.16.2006 DEVILLE@gairrhydd.COM

29

The de Ville’s Advocate This week: I’ve got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one...

Micheal: Prays for straight eyes

No way, Jose

Although I live in Cowbridge, I often find myself in the vicinity of Cathays and Roath through my charitable counselling work.

Since September I’ve noticed that the air has been thick with the scent of “Man-fume”. When the youths of Studentville don their best shirts and freshly-pressed jeans for a heavy night on the tiles, they obviously slosh on a hefty splash of Eau de MAN in the hope that some foxy individual will sniff their way. Since I haven’t had any male companionship since WWII, I find the odour of a man intoxicating and mystifying. This excludes Joop. If you’re wearing Joop you’re never going to get laid. Fact. If you glance to your left, you’ll notice that I’ve included some pictures for your visual pleasure. If I was a discerning young male, I’d rip out this page and carry it around with me at all times. Maybe one day you could become as stylish and dashing as the gentlemen on the left: Micheal Portillo: No amount of money can buy you a face like this. Gary Lineker may try, but my God he’s going to fail. The ladies take one look at that captivating smirk and go all wobbly. This man is Charisma with a capital ‘C’. Watch and learn my friends, watch and learn.

Hi there...

Jose Mourinho: As much as the mere thought of football makes me want to rip out my spleen with a trowel, Jose makes it all worthwhile. I’ve met my fair share of exotic men in my former job as a forces’ sweetheart, but Jose is the icing on the Madeira cake. If you want to emulate this love god, adopt a low Portuguese lilt and get a spray tan.

Nigel Havers: Nigel Havers eats weedy scraps like you for breakfast. Did you see him in those leathers in Manchild? I rest my case.

Perhaps with a few years of elocution lessons and several weeks of polishing your skin with teak oil you may come close to being a Nigel-esque man siren.

Check out my gravel pit...

Bill Clinton: I often fantasise about Bill Clinton talking Jazz to me. I know it’s wrong as he’s married, but I just can’t help it. It would be hard to match Bill’s southern charm, but I’d advise a very hot bath and a few saxophone lessons to get you started.

SexyBack Dear Grace, During the summer I spend an idyllic few months working as a farm hand in Switzerland. After several weeks of fresh mountain air and good quality gruyère, I felt rejuvenated and more alive than ever. The farmer’s children kept me entertained with their angelic voices and I fell deeply in love with their somewhat cold yet dashingly handsome father. Life was good apart from my tempestuous relationship with Dieter, the family’s goat. He simply refused to let me milk him. Whenever I tried, he would butt me with his frightfully large horns. One fateful day I was, as usual, attempting to extract milk from the gruff beast to no avail. Push came to shove and before I knew it I

was lying face down in a pile of straw, unable to move my back.

Several weeks of bed-rest ensued and I was eventually able to walk again, albeit with difficulty. The Farmer callously ended our relationship because he thought that I was trying to abuse his prize goat. How was I, a city girl, supposed to know that male beasts do not produce milk? Anyway, upon my return to Britain, I was referred to a rather dishy chiropractor named Roy. He’s slowly restoring my mangled back to its pregoat glory with his healing magic hands. I find that I can’t stop thinking about his foppish mane of golden locks and his dazzling tooth gem. I realise that this is unprofessional, but how am I supposed to seduce him when I’m wearing a hospital gown and half my arse is

hanging out of what can only be described as a ‘crinkly paper nappy’? I’ve been through so much trauma and feel like I deserve a break.

Emma, 21, Cathays

Dear Emma, Although I can’t see what is wrong with paper pants (I wear them all the time), I do understand that they aren’t the most alluring of undergarments. I’ve noticed that young ladies these days often wear gstrings embellished with jewels, buttons, coins and other bric-abrac and have them poking out of their trousers to attract male attention towards their posteriors. I’d like to point out that men are not magpies. You’re more likely to win him over with a piece of bacon or a slice of cheese stuck to your coccyx.

Ear today, hair tomorrow Dear Grace, I’ve not had a single restful night’s sleep in over a month.

My eyelids have become swollen and purple and my yellow skin is peeling off like a layer of dried PVA. My cheeks are sunken and hollow and I can’t concentrate on anything anymore.

Lectures have become a distant memory and I rarely leave my bedroom. My housemates are concerned and keep asking me to seek help but I’m reluctant to reveal the source of my problems. You’re my last resort. I’m constantly plagued by nightmares where I’m trapped in a room with a tall man who looks like the Demon Headmaster/Jack Straw (are they the same person?) and has an excessive amount of wiry hair protruding from his ears. I’ve been afraid of ear hair since I was a small child, but it’s getting ridiculous

now. I haven’t been in the same room as my granddad for two years. How can I stop the nightmares and cure my phobia once and for all? I’ve already omitted cheese from my diet and can’t think of anything else to do.

Help, Gary, Barry Hi Gary, Firstly, you sound like a very attractive young man. I would, however, recommend that you invest in a moisturising balm and some Yves Saint Laurent Touche Eclait to touch up those bags. As for the ear hair, I’m afraid the only advice I can give you to is to imagine Nancy Del’Olio removing her make-up. Take deep breaths and allow the calming thoughts to wash over your body. As you inhale, try to think of the layers of make-up rubbing away like stratas of rock eroding from a cliff-face. This is

how I meditate at night and I would advise everyone to follow my shining example. I have Nancy to thank for my calm demeanour. In fact, if I didn’t practice Del’Olio relaxation every night, I wouldn’t be able to walk past a single tree or even LOOK at corn on the cob. See, I was once a frightened little whippet like your good self. I hate to point out the obvious but in a few years time you will be sprouting an uncontrollable amount of hair from various orifices including your ears and nostrils. I’d start trying to get used to the idea now, as time literally flies by. I blinked for a minute and ended up being incontinent and eighty. Life is cruel. I can’t actually help you. The years go by too fast , people get ear hair, your hamster WILL die and the world is going to end due to Global Dimming. Blah blah blah. The sooner you pull your socks up the better.

Lots of love, Grace x

Tell me your problems. I can’t help. i reallio, trulio don’t give a shit. But it provides me with entertainment on a trip to the commode. I’d like you all to eat lots of leafy green vegetables this week. Have fun! Remember, Beetroot soup makes your urine purple.

gairrhydd

31

GRAB!

OCTOBER.16.2006 COMPETITIONS@gairrhydd.COM

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

Shake your coconuts G

ot a bad case of the winter blues? Miss the carefree days of summertime partying? Well fear not, as this autumn Malibu bring you a slice of sun-drenched musical mayhem with the incredible Malibu Soundclash. And the best bit is, you don't even have to pack your suitcase.

The Malibu Soundclash crew will be heading to Solus on October 25 to completely transform the venue, in an event unlike anything we’ve seen before. Two sound systems and some of the freshest new DJ talent will battle it out, live on stage, for the crowd’s enjoyment. The only rules are, there are no rules, as the DJs will be mixing and scratching their way from Kelis to the Kaiser Chiefs! But this event is all about you, the crowd - so if you like one DJ more, just let him know and he'll keep on playing!

And it's not just DJs putting the crowd through their paces. If you've always wanted to get on the decks and bring the house down, Malibu will be offering you the chance to take your skills (or lack of them) from the bedroom onto the stage in their 'Bring Your Own Soundsystem'.

Bring down your tunes, select from their mp3s or pull a classic record from their box and help to get the party started! Our Malibu host will lead the crowd and decide how good you really are, but don't worry if you're more Pat Sharpe than Pete Tong, as there'll be plenty of prizes on the night. So if you fancy putting

Here’s a Bright Idea...

To enter, email the correct answer to the question below, along with your contact details and DOB to competitions@gairrhydd.com Q. What are the rules of the Malibu Soundclash?

A. The first rule of soundclash is don't talk about the soundclash.

B. There are no rules.

C. Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves.

I

n October 2005, Hollywood’s Orson put some cash together and flew themselves to Manchester to play at In The City completely oblivious that it would be the start of a rocket fuelled journey that would see them go from being an undiscovered gem to topping the UK singles chart in just five months.

Described as “the missing link between The Rolling Stone and Scissor Sisters”, Orson are one of the biggest success stories of 2006. And thanks to Grab, you could be lucky enough to win two tickets to see Orson on 24 October in the Students’ Union’s Great Hall.

So enter the usual way like there’s no tomorrow.

Half price books C

your talent to the test, log onto www.malibusoundclash.com to register your choice of tracks for the night.

So whether you fancy shaking your rump to a cut-up blend of the hottest tunes, wowing the crowd with your own deck skills, or simply chilling out and enjoying a drink with your mates, head down to the Students’ Union on October 25 to experience the ultimate party and a final taste of summer with the Malibu Soundclash.

For those of you who can't wait until October 25 to get in the Malibu Soundclash party spirit, gairrhydd have teamed up with Malibu and have a Malibu Soundclash Party Pack to give away to one lucky reader. A Malibu Soundclash Party Pack contains two bottles of Malibu, cranberry juice, limes, a limited edition Malibu Soundclash t-shirt and limited edition Malibu Soundclash aviators.

osts of books at the beginning of term can be a little hard to grasp...let alone afford. But by entering this offer, maybe we could sort you out.

The 2007 Statesman’s Yearbook is fully updated and contains more information and analysis than ever before, aimed at the politicians, economists and business leaders among you guys. With 20% extra content and now in a brand new, enlarged format this book is a must-have for anyone wanting to make something of themselves after the debauchary that is university.

The book features biographical profiles of current leaders, government histories, extended economic overviews and historical economic statistics plus an essay on the World Economy by the Economics Editor of The Observer.

What's more, all print purchases now receive online access at no extra cost. Every copy of The Statesman's Yearbook 2007 comes with a single-user licence giving access to the full text online, updated regularly and fully searchable.

To get a 50% disount off this must-have book, just email us at competitions@gairrhydd.com...and win yourself a book dec-

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33

gairrhydd

FIVE MINUTE FUN

OCTOBER.16.2006

FIVEMINUTEFUN@gairrhydd.COM

SUDOKU

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whose really in charge of these fair lands......

While they appear to be 100% homo sapien, here at five minute fun we got the inside scoop on the genetic make up of our politicains and celebrities.

Blap blap check it out bruv...

Is David Beckham.... a) overrated b) a ball of brylcream c) a baby eating monster from Uranus Is Kate Moss... a) a bad mother b) a drug addled stick insect c) the arse end of a brown bear

answers; c - c - a,b and c

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Party Politics

Is Tony Blair... a) The prime minister b) a cup cake c) a jaffa cake

8 4 5 2 4 7 9 6

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2 3

7 4

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HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU: Fill in the grid using only the numbers 1 through to 9. All the vertical and horizontal rows should contain the numbers 1 to 9. All the smaller 3 by 3 squares should contain the numbers 1-9. No row or 3 by 3 square should have the same number twice.

CROSSWORD 1

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Flash, you say MOB!

Ladies and gentlemen the time has come to stand up and be counted in the phenomena that is flashmobbing. Its origins lie in the strange and inexplicable as randomness becomes the order of the day. Here are a few simple facts and examples of how flashmobbing can change your life. Sponsored by Acurist.

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15

If you want to get involved then email: www.flashmob.cardiff@hotmail.co.uk or check out www.flashmob.com

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ACROSS

1 Husky (6) 3 Training Bullets (6) 7 Neglected (9) 9 Skulk (4) 10 Compass Point (4) 11 Chafe (5) 13 Probe (11) 16 Set in position (5) 17 Lasso (4) 19 Aspersion (4) 20 Carefully worked out (9) 21 Thin layer of cement on a floor (6) 22 Poetic Britain (6)

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DOWN 1 2 4 5

3. It is claimed that flashmob actions contributed to the defeat of Philippine president Joseph Estrada, when approximately a million people assembled through cell phone text messages gathered at EDSA (a main road) to demand the ousting of the president.

1. The first UK flashmob involved 300 people gathering at a sofa shop in Tottenham Court Road at 6.31pm on 8 August, 2003. Directed by text they had to say ‘ Oh wow, what a sofa’ and greet a stranger without using the letter ‘o’. After just seven minutes and a spontaneous round of applause, the crowd disappeared. Boomting.

16 17

And Play Those Ankles" referring to the expression of "do as you are told, do not comment" often given to those in Romania.

2. Flashmobbing has both humorous and political elements. For example, In December 2004, in Bucharest, Romania, in front of the National Television, around 70 people stuck duct tape on their mouths and mimed a jogging session. It was a flashmob that most referred to as "Shut Your Mouth

8

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When I say ...

Fitness (6) Smell strongly (4) In a different way (4) Seize (6)

6 Commercial Artist (11) 7 Rainwater tube (9) 8 Doubtful (9) 11 Clean with a brush (5) 12 Physical conflict (5) 14 The brightest star (6) 15 Soup dish (6) 18 German river (4) 19 Wound with a dagger (4)

HANDY: Flashmobbing with paint, anywhere

34 gairrhydd

LISTINGS

OCTOBER.16.2006 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

This week: The Long Blondes, Fiddler on the Roof, Fightstar and Manics

F iddler on the Roof @ Sherman Sat. Oct 21 7.30pm/ £8.

Listings Editor Jenna Harris reccommends

A

s part of the International Festival of Musical Theatre, the Sherman Theatre is showing a new Youth Theatre production of Fiddler on the Roof; a production that deals with the issues of racism, revolution and the conflict created by the collision of old world and new values.

Set against the backdrop to the Russian Revolution’s beginnings, it tells the story of a traditional Jewish milkman named Tevye from the Ukrainian village of Anatevka, under Czarist rule in 1905; his wife Golde, and the problems that society and the growing up of his five daughters poses to the simple lifestyle that he loves so much.

His family’s way of life faces immediate threat from the Russian government’s brutal anti-Semitic stance, which isolated Jews in poor villages such as Anatevka. The conventions of the traditional Judaism that Tevye lives by dictate marriages arranged by the village matchmaker, often for social and financial gain, and it is this that leads to the musical’s most well known moment of Tevye singing the song, If I Were a Rich Man (Most recently heard as part of Gwen Stefani’s Rich Girl, even though she actually is rich), whilst hoping that his daughters’ prospective marriages can help the family finances, although their actions belie the opposite.

His third daughter Chava falls in love with a Russian but Tevye’s hatred of their nationality condemns their love and she decides to run away, and the family conflict heightens when their eldest daughter Tzeitel refuses to marry rich butcher Lazar Wolf and instead insists on a poor man for love.

Fiddler on the Roof was adapted for stage by Joseph Stein, and based on Yiddish author Sholom Aleichem’s 1894 work Tevye and His Daughters, written by an Ukranian whose experiences as part of a Jewish patriarchal family informed much of his characters’ lives.

The musical’s central theme is of maintaining tradition in a forcibly cha-

nging environment, and poses the question of whether Tevye’s beloved traditional lifestyle can exist when the authorities, and even his daughterswho rebel against his seemingly dated parenting methods, are against it.

Fiddler on the Roof is one of the most enduring musicals, having won 9 Tony Awards and becoming one of Broadway’s longest running productions. The ethnic costume, mise-enscène (at one stage a line of men are dancing with bottles of beer on their heads) and use of choreography make it a rousing spectacle that you shouldn’t miss.

F ightstar @ Solus Tue. Oct 17 8pm/ £12.

Amy Howes recommends

A

fter Charlie left Busted and the band disbanded, there was a collective sigh of relief from music lovers around the world. Little did they know that Charlie had another trick up his sleeve.

Fightstar was originally a side project for Simpson whenever he had time away from his other band, but it soon became his main priority.

The music industry laughed at the sheer thought that someone from a band as un-cool as Busted was trying to make a stab at ‘real’ music.

But if you can get through the hoards of 12 year olds trying to get a

James Dean Bradfield @ Solus Mon. Oct 16 7.30pm.

Rob Cook recommends

The Long Blondes @ Students Union Sun. Oct 22 7.30pm/ £7.

Listings editor Rosaria Sgueglia recommends

T

his week I have a music spirit. Don’t worry, I don’t want to recommend opera or classic Italian singers, even though this wouldn’t be as bad –just joking: this is the week of the Long Blondes. The aim was to form a fantasy pop group inspired by Nico, Nancy Sinatra, Diana Dors and Barbara Windsor.

Coming Up

Their first debut was signed by the south London independent label Angular Records.

Through them, the band released a brace of exhilarating 45s; The Hitchcock-inspired Appropriation and bona fide cult classic Giddy Stratospheres. At that time the band enjoyed two double lives: the first characterized by playing in New York, Stockholm and Barcelona; the second one by signing autographs while their bosses weren’t looking.

In this way after their three previous singles The Long Blondes captured the hearts of pop music lovers all over the world.

In December, the band were personally asked to support Franz Ferdinand at Alexandra Palace .

They kicked off 2006 as recipients of the NME Philip Hall Radar Award (previously won by Franz Ferdinand and Kaiser Chiefs) and played to increasingly frenzied crowds as everyone from the Guardian to Vogue proclaimed Long Blondes to be the Best

Unsigned Band In The Country.

In April – almost three years to the day of their incarnation – Long Blondes signed to the legendary Rough Trade records.

The label that brought the world the Smiths, the Strokes and the Libertines had done it again!

The band are currently recording their debut album with Steve Mackey, (Pulp, MIA), who also produced the band's most recent single, Weekend Without Makeup. Like the Slits playing Roxy Music or Donna Summer reciting the collected works of Harold Pinter, Long Blondes are truly becoming auteurs of the perfect left-field pop song.

But, who are Long blondes?

Sardonic style icon and protagonistin-chief Kate Jackson, guitarist Dorian, bassist Reenie, guitarist and keyboardist Emma and drummer Screech.

If are you looking for an explosive night don’t miss the opportunity to be fascinated by one of the greatest bands of the moment.

J

ames Dean Bradfield, of Manic Street Preachers frontman fame, is set to play Solus on Monday the 16th of October.

The show promises to be something really special; after all, it is the home leg of James’ debut solo tour and being in a venue much more intimate than the impersonal stadiums used for the average contemporary Manic Street Preachers concert.

Reviews of the previous shows on the tour have been excellent, James delivering standout performances playing his new solo material, as well as a healthy spattering of Manic Street Preachers songs.

The tour follows on from the release in July of The Great Western, James’ splendid first solo album, thus titled as Bradfield did a lot of the writing for the album whilst riding on the Cardiff central to London Paddington train route.

James’ solo album has come after the Manic Street Preachers began a two year break which has turned out to be highly productive, much to the delight of Manics fans. Manics

glimpse of their idol, it might not be as bad as you think.

As a band Fightstar have come a long way since debut EP They liked you better when you were dead; their latest offering Grand Unification received rave reviews from Kerrang magazine.

A lot rides on this tour for the band as this is their biggest tour to date, playing venues all over the UK. With a promise of preview material from their next album, it looks set to be a good show for fans of the band (yes they do have them) and could be a chance for them to convert the nonbelievers.

With a top 10 single under their belt and being halfway through writing their second full-length album, Fightstar could be moving on to bigger and better things, and you never know, it might be fun to be a part of it.

bassist Nicky has also recorded a solo album entitled I Killed The Zeitgeist, which was released recently.

The Manics’ drummer/trumpet maestro Sean Moore’s time out from the band has also been momentous, recently fathering another child.

Also more arbitrarily, Sean has reportedly taken up the martial art Kendo. There are no signs of James and Nicky’s solo projects taking precedence over The Manic Street Preachers.

Nicky and James contributed to each others albums and they are already well into the production of the next Manics album which Nicky Wire likened to sounding like The Beatles’ The White album. See you at the show.

...GuiLLeMoTs- 26 Oct @ SU...Razorlight -28 Oct @ CIA....Amusement Park on Fire-28 Oct @ Barfly ...Secret Garden -28 Oct @ The Point...Dopamine-29 Oct @ Barfly...The Others-30 Oct @Barfly...Misty’s Big Adventure plus special guest Kate Goes -1 Nov @The Point...American Head Charge-2 Nov @ Coal Exchange...Puressence/ Film / Selfish Kings-3 Nov @Barfly...Vile Evils (Pop Will Eat Itself) -4 Nov @Barfly...An Inconvenient Truth3-8 Nov @Chapter Arts Centre...Hayseed Dixie -7 Nov @ Coal Exchange...John Power 11Nov @The Point

gairrhydd

35

LISTINGS

OCTOBER.16.2006 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

Frontman, James Dean Bradfield.

Monday

16/10

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU Cardiff’s own alternative sweat-fest. 10pm2am. £3.

X Factory @ The Taf The University’s student radio station shows off its best DJs. 9pm-1am. Free with NUS. I-Candy @ Tiger Tiger Wales’ latest superclub. £3/4 NUS. Movie Monday @ Molokos DJs, new music, live bands. 7pm. Free.

Air Traffic+ Kowalski + Kiddo 360 @ Barfly Air Traffic know how to rock. Obvious comparisons to Coldplay and Keane aside, these guys crush your heart with their laments into piano and vocal only sections before rushing head-long into feet stamping choruses. Zane Lowe has crowned their single the hottest record in the world right now and things can only continue to take off for these guys.7.30pm. £6.

Assembly: Toril Brancher - Scene Around @ Chapter Arts Centre. This exhibition shows photographs taken by teenagers in Blaenavon as part of a community project led by the artist in which she wanted the teenagers to take pictures of their everyday lives.Contact gallery.admin@chapter.org.

Pick Of The Day Bhavishya: The Future @ Chapter Arts Centre Dr Deepa arrives from India for a short fellowship at a Welsh hospital. Little does she realise this is going to change her life, as well as the lives of many people she meets in the UK and so many that await her return to India. A spectacular Bollywood style film shot on location in Northern India and North Wales described by British Medical Journal as "Bollywood meets medical documentary meets health education promo.”

6.30pm. £5.10.

Friday 20/10

..

Access all Areas @ SU New Look Friday. Another Union event, another way to make people drunk. It should be a good night. 10pm-2am. £3.50/£3 adv.

The Dudes Abide @ Clwb Ifor Bach Music for those who love music. An indie and retro night that takes in the heady landscape created by the likes of Hendrix, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin and Dusty Springfield.

10.00pm – 2.30am. £3.50/ £4.

Mad4It! @ Barfly DJ Mike TV compares an indietastic night of alternative music, from the Strokes to the Smiths. 10.30pm-2am. £5.

Chaos @ Metros The hard rock night. £2.50 before 10pm.

Full Fat @ Moloko Cheeky bootlegs, funk, breaks and old skool classics. Free entry before 11pm, so get there early if it’s your kinda thing.

Pick of the Day Stiff Little Fingers @ Coal Exchange Original punk players from Belfast, who are still going strong, and like most bands du jour were name-checked in The. O.C., by Marissa, no less.

7.30pm. £16.

Acid Casuals Present Som Bom @ Tafod, Charles St. Techno and house music with a pedigreeCian Ciaran from Super Furry Animals is a DJ, and it has featured Kev Tame, bassist for the Big Leaves. 10pm. For more information visit www.sombom.net.

The LL Files: BBC Radio Wales @ Sherman Theatre Topical, award-winning comedy with Matthew Gravelle, Richard Elfyn, Rhian Morgan and Siriol Jenkins. 6.15pm. Free with ticket.

Tom Jones @ CIA Something to amuse any visiting mums or grannies with, if you can be bothered.

8pm. £32.50-£40.

Tuesday

17/10

Forecast @ Buffalo Bar weekly clubnight.

Something of a night of hidden treasures: presenting under-represented music. www.weareforecast.com 8pm-3am. £6.

Planet Rock @ Clwb Ifor Bac Revamped rock night that promises “familiar classics from the fields of metal, hard rock and goth”. Drinks promotions and you can email song requests. -2pm. £3.

The Decade(Club Night) @ Barfly DECADE brings you the very best Pop, Cheese, and crossover tracks from the eighties and nineties. Remember the likes of Care-Bears, dancing flowers, Sonic the Hedgehog and Where’s Wally? Well they all hold a special place in our hearts and so do the tunes! Show your NUS at the door and not only will you get in for £2, you'll also get a free drink voucher! 10.30pm. £3/2 NUS. James Yorkston plus special guests Iain Archer and Charlotte Grieg @ The Point Hailing from Fife, Scotland, James Yorkston’s been playing music since the age of eight. After leaving Fife, he headed to Edinburgh, and joined a garage rock band Huckleberry playing bass. His first solo performance was in 1996, when a friend volunteered his services as a support act for Bert Jansch.Don’t miss his fab music!.

7.30pm. £8.

Renaissance @ Chapter Arts Centre A chiaroscuro vision of 21st century noir in the tradition of Blade Runner or Sin City.

8.30pm.£5.10.

Pick Of The Day The Vanities / Without Wires / Eric Unseen @ Barfly Cardiff electro-pop legends The Vanities make their triumphant return with a full and polished new sound that defies the slimline, drummerless lineup. Expect synths, beats and a band who were born for the stage. 7.30pm. £5/4.

Wednesday 18/10

Thursday 19/10

Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach Three floors, three clubs. One, classic funk and motown, another indie classics and brand new music, and on the final floor, cheese. 9.30pm. £3. iLiKETRAiNS + The Early Years + The Jan Watkins Band @ Barfly Displaying an eccentric fondness for trains (look out for projections of locomotives or BR jackets) and lyrics full of either murderous intent or ex-Chess champions, expect sweeping slabs of melancholic guitar floating over baritone drawl and parps of cornet from these Leeds-based slo-burners. 7.30PM. £6.

The Dave Rich Band @ ThePoint Expertly crafted songs, great playing and production quality and recorded sound quality totally in sync with each other, this is a band with the potential for world-wide success, that elusive quality that has been missing from the UK scene until very recently.

7.30pm.

Contact www.daverich.co.uk Showstoppers @ Chapter Arts Centre A lively, showbiz quiz about musicals presented by Mal Pope and recorded for broadcast on BBC Radio Wales. Join teams from each of the Festival's shows as they compete in this light-hearted challenge to test their knowledge of musical theatre trivia.

12.30pm. Free Show of Hands with Special Guest Martyn Joseph @ St. David’s Hall Following a hugely successful sell out performance at the Hall in November, Steve Knightley and Phil Beer return to the Roots stage as part of a lengthy autumn tour of the UK following the release of their new album Witness, in May. They will embark on around 150 dates on both sides of the Atlantic for 2006. Don’t miss another night of diverse and inspired material grounded in the English tradition with a myriad of influences. 8pm. £13.

The Bait Shop (Club Night) @ Barfly Alternative student night. 10.30pm. £2.

Omerta+ The Steers + Lucent@ Barfly Omerta combine synths, strings, bleeps and beeps, cutting guitar and a solid rhythm section to create music that engages both melodically and lyrically, delivered by a heart wrenching vocal.7.30pm.£5.

Jefferson Starship @ The Point Jefferson Starship are a collaboration of celebrated musicians that play from the rich songbook of its legendary forefathers Jefferson Airplane and the original incarnation of Jefferson Starship. It prevails as one of the most critically acclaimed touring acts today. 7.30pm. £15.

The Cost of Living @ Chapter Arts Centre This provocative dance film follows the lives of Eddie and David, two disillusioned street performers working in a faded seaside resort. Eddie is tough and confrontational.

David is a dancer who has no legs (as he is in real life) quietly determined not to let his disabilities or society’s prejudices get in his way.A one-off screening of the multi-awardwinning film made by the acclaimed physical theatre company DV8. 1.15pm. Free.

Saturday 21/10

Sunday 22/10

Come Play @ Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room. Traffic (DJ and clubbing society) playing house music in the other. 10pm. £3.50.

Blueprint @ Moloko Retro disco, future house, disco roots, drinks promos. Latin in the Express lounge. Free before 10pm, £3.50 after.

Fly Swatter @ Barfly Indie party fest that mixes up the best music with the even better. 10.30pm. £5 NUS. Hellbent! @ The Model Inn, Quay Street Cardiff city’s only rock night on a Saturday.

9pm - 2am.

Delinquent @ Metros Alternative and new music mixed with the best indie tunes. The dungeon-like surroundings makes it even better. 9pm-4am. Free with flyer before 10pm/£4.

Clwb Cariad @ Clwb Ifor Bach Contemporary sounds (downstairs) with a little bit of other stuff thrown in. 10pm – 2.30am. £3/4.

Open Mike (Upstairs) @ Buffalo Bar An intimate and relaxed atmosphere, along with your chance to experience live acoustic acts, songwriters, bands and performers, as well as participating yourself if you so desire and sharing your musical talent with the rest of the world. (OK, a small part of Cardiff.)

8pm-3am. £1.

No Wax @ Moloko Bring your MP3s and you can be a DJ. I recommend hijacking the venue and subjecting people to obscure indie bands (Terris, anyone?), or Wagner’s Ring Cycle- anything, as long as it’s as odd as you can make it. 7pm2am. Free.

The Hop @ Buffalo Bar Resident DJs present 50s night: rock ‘n’ roll, jive, rockabilly and psychobilly. Cult 50s films, drive in themes and extra large milkshakes are said to be involved as well. 8pm3am. Free.

Pick Of The Day Big Strides @ Toucan Club Lo-fi jazz groves mixed with harmonica, blues guitar and double bass. The London trio have garnered some critical acclaim already and gained a support slot with Damien Rice, amongst others. They are promoting their latest album, Cry it all Out, released in September. 9pm. £4.

Fiddler on the Roof @ Sherman Theatre Russian-set musical involving fiddlers and roofs. 8pm. £8.

Laughter Matters’: Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson @ St. David’s Hall Apparently, the Oz answer to Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown, so a swearathon with musical accompaniment. 8pm. £11.

Cardiff Polyphonic Choir @ St. David’s Cathedral 6.45pm. £10

Pick of the Day Stand Up at the Factory: Alan Carr @ Tobacco Factory, Bristol So it’s technically not in Cardiff, but Carr is still a comic worth seeing. The camp and self-depreciative Friday Night Project host is just brimming with bitchy humour and witty observations.

Fact: He was around before the FNP (that sounds so wrong in acronyms) and won the BBC New Comedy Award at the Edinburgh Festival in 2001. 8pm (doors 7.30pm). £14.

Seven Women Under One Hat: Beverley Humphries @ Chapter Arts Accompanied with pianist Ted Baker, Beverley Humphries celebrates the star qualities of performers including Judy Garland, Marlene Dietrich, Joyce Grenfell and Gertrude Lawrence. 8pm. £8.

Pick Of The Day

Ray Davies @ St. David’s Hall The iconic Kinks songwriter, Ray, may charge an eye-watering ticket fee, but he was also responsible for writing some of British music’s most accomplished and endearing hits, so he can be forgiven. Tonight, he will be performing a mix of classics and his solo material. 7.30pm (doors 6.30pm). £27.50.

Thalidomide! A musical @ Chapter Arts Described as a “PC-free musical with a short-armed punch.” 8pm. £8.

VENUES

Students’ Union, Park Place 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Moloko, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

36 gairrhydd

SPORT

OCTOBER.16.2006 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Young Guns Jack Zorab Sports Writer

WITH THE FIRST match of the Autumn internationals only 3 weeks away, rugby fans can look forward to seeing their national sides playing quality opposition

LEE BYRNE

once again.

It’s time to focus on the players most likely to cause shock waves in the rugby world with their performances this winter, and who could have every fan purring at the prospect of what damage their newly discovered hero could do at the ensuing World Cup in

NICKY ROBINSON

France now 12 months away.

The team that has used the Autumn most efficiently in the last few years to get new players into test match rugby is Wales. 2004 saw Gavin Henson start to cement his place in the Welsh No.12 jersey with some sterling performances against New Zealand and South

Africa, while Dwayne Peel claimed the scrum half berth.

Just look what damage those two did 4-5 months later in the Six Nations, spearheading Wales to their first Grand Slam in 27 years.

A year on, and, for Dwayne Peel read Michael Phillips, as the 6’3 scrum

JAMES HOOK

CHRIS CZEKAJ

half bludgeoned a reputation for himself here in Cardiff. It was clear for all to see what a class act Phillips was becoming, highlighted by his man-ofthe-match performance against France in the Six Nations.

So who of this year’s breed of youngsters will come of age?

Glam Shock Angharad Jones Rugby Reporter CARDIFF LADIES’ Rugby got the season off to a flying start with a convincing victory over Glamorgan.

Tries were scored by second years Louise Steel, Kat Lenan and Simone Shephard, while freshers Roz Lambe and Ceri Hill also added to the scoreboard. Powerful tackling by Cardiff’s forwards and quick passing by the backs resulted in a final score of 25-17.

The win gives Cardiff great confidence in the lead up to the start of their BUSA campaign and for next week’s match against old rivals Exeter.

Injury permitting, has a very good chance of making the test side following his debut appearance last year.

Has been knocking on the door for some time now as a genuine contender to Stephen Jones at outside half.

The tall, agile full back should have put on sufficient weight to make him more a force with the ball in hand and if selected, his intelligent rugby brain and astute kicking could pin back sides and give the Welsh forwards a good platform

But Jones has been one of Wales’s top performers in the last 5 years, so if Robinson were to make the starting line up he will have done it the hard way, and will be a much better player for his apprenticeship under Jones.

Is another fly half looking to make the squad.

The Wales U21 graduate put in some impressive displays in a difficult season for the Welsh in last year’s Six Nations.

However, it is difficult to see the young Osprey getting a chance with Robinson and Jones ahead in the pecking order.

The Blues winger has been playing consistently well, despite not scoring as many tries as one might expect. However, don’t be surprised if Coach Gareth Jenkins opts for the little and large show on the wings this Autumn.

Czekai would complement Shane Williams well, and his height and power under the ball will be needed against the likes of Rockocoko, Tuquiri, and company.

Send in match reports for your BUSA or IMG team: sport@gairrhydd.com

WALES: Slammers

www.gairrhydd.com The online newspaper for Cardiff students

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37

SPORT

OCTOBER.16.2006 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Unpredictables Sports editors Dave Menon and George Pawley report on the Welsh in their latest European Championship Qualifiers WALES 1 v 5 SLOVAKIA THE ONLY consistent thing about Welsh football is its inconsistency. Following good performances against the likes of Brazil and Czech Republic, a young Welsh team inexplicably floundered after making a promising start.

Liverpool striker and new skipper Craig Bellamy looked lively in the opening exchanges as he gave a nervy Slovakia defence plenty to think about.

But things soon turned from bad to worse, as the atmosphere became frosty. Some sloppy Wales defending led to the first Slovakia goal and Paul Jones did himself no favours shortly afterwards. The Wales stopper, who was remarkably celebrating his 50th cap, simply had to boot the ball over the halfway line.

Unfortunately for the home faithful, the ball landed at the feet of striker Mintal who effortlessly chipped the ball into the top corner of an unguarded net.

Although young left-back Gareth Bale gave Wales hope with a superb free-kick, Slovakia went up the field and scored the decisive goal before anyone could say ‘Jack Daniels’.

I am sure many of the home fans would have ordered whiskey at the bar if it was being sold. Instead, I

WALES 3 v 1 CYPRUS

stepped back into the press room for a cup of tea and endured a miserable second half in which Wales showed no fight or enthusiasm. Embarrassing was not the word as Slovakia helped themselves to two more soft goals.

When the final whistle blew, I headed straight for the post-match conference. When Wales manager John Toshack walked into the room, the other journalists rose like vultures to get a good viewing spot of a depressed man. One could hardly be surprised since Toshack had taken charge of Wales’ worst home defeat for nearly a century. It will go down in the history books.

When the inquest about the goalkeeping crisis was over, I made the shock decision of asking the angry Toshack a question. I said: “How much did you miss Ryan Giggs, considering he’s been in excellent form for Manchester United recently.”

The response was cheeky. He said: “In case you didn’t know, Giggs has been injured recently. And you have forgotten to add that Ryan has been on good form for Wales as well as Manchester United”.

And my day didn’t get much better when I reached a crowded Taf to see England draw 0-0 to Macedonia. My love-hate relationship with football will probably continue for many years to come.

CAPTAIN: Marvel

Hockey Hit Early High Hockey reporter Gareth Owen documents Cardiff’s men’s pre-season preparations ALTHOUGH CLASSED as a friendly, the rivalry between the two Cardiff based universities always ensures a fiery environment.

In addition, with no other scheduled meetings between the two for the rest of the year, the bragging rights were also up for the taking.

Under new captain Paul Hayes, Cardiff were able to field a nearly full strength side, but it was UWIC that started the brighter capitalising upon some poor defending at a set piece to take an early lead.

The UWIC lead was soon doubled as Cardiff lost possession in their own half and UWIC broke at pace, finishing the move with a powerful shot inside the near post.

Cardiff were struggling to find a footing in the game with the UWIC midfield working hard to close down the ball.

The competition was fierce in the midfield with challenges flying in from all angles, and it took intervention from the umpires to cool tempers.

A well-rehearsed move pulled a goal back for the home side, but before long the two-goal advantage was restored; a foot in the Cardiff D prevented a goal and UWIC duly converting the penalty flick.

Looking for inspiration from somewhere in the second half, Cardiff’s Henry Cole fortunately bagged his side’s second, finishing well after there appeared to be a foot used to bring the ball under control.

Despite UWIC protestations, the goal stood and Cardiff were on the ascendancy.

With freshers coming on to make their first appearances for the side, Cardiff were given an energy boost by the keen-to-impress debutantes, but it was the old guard that did the damage.

The equaliser came from the skipper after magnificent passing down the

left had torn the UWIC defence apart.

Nick Gough sealed the victory minutes later, coolly slotting home from an angle.

There were a couple of scares late on, but goalkeeper Ian Fergsuon, capped by Wales for the first time over the summer, will have been happy about his second-half clean sheet, one sprawling interception stood out in particular.

PHOTO: LUKE PAVEY

Cardiff 4 v 3 UWIC

IT DIDN’T LOOK good for Wales. A young side, looking to bounce back from a weekend thrashing.

A side fielding a relatively untested ‘keeper in Lewis Price, due to the form (or lack of) 50 capped Paul Jones. A side missing Ryan Giggs, the team’s lynchpin and captain. A side whose stand-in captain Craig Bellamy is in the middle of a drawn out court case. A side who were performing infront of a poor 20,000, filling only a quarter of the Millenium Stadium. A side playing a negative 5-3-2 formation, at home, against Cyprus.

Despite all the problems, Wales impressed - Toshack got his tactics absolutely right. Having a core back three allowed Simon Davies and Jason Koumas to dominate the midfield and join the front two in every surge forward, while the wing backs had freedom on the flanks.

Bellamy really was the main man for Wales; his attacking was pacy and dangerous, while his work-rate was worthy of the armband he was sporting.

He chased lost causes, surprised midfielders who stifled on the ball, and proved unselfish in threatening positions; the second goal he laid on for Robert Earnshaw is testament to that.

Most surprising, given his history,

Cardiff 5 v 3 UWE IN THEIR SECOND pre-season friendly, Cardiff came out of the blocks running, dominating a skilful UWE side that have high hopes for the season.

An early goal from Nick Gough set them off, tapping home from two yards after good play down the right. It was two soon after, as Duncan Courtney scored from a short corner.

Cardiff were running the game yet UWE pulled a goal back from a short corner of their own, a drag flick beating the set piece defence.

Apart from isolated counter attacks, easily dealt with by centre back Dai McGahon, Cardiff were under very little pressure and quickly set about restoring their two-goal advantage.

Paul Hayes went close before Tom Moore set up and attack down the left,

ACTION: Last season’s champions

was the way Bellamy reigned in his temperament and, like a steam engine, used it for another terrific burst of energy.

In contrast, Earnshaw, the one with so much potential, showed that he still lacks experience. He linked up well with Bellamy early on, but proved greedy when the goal was gaping.

Some say the mark of a good striker is to be greedy and shoot on sight, but in some situations, Earnshaw needed to use his brain rather than rely on his natural talent.

His first was Wales’ second, a well taken strike, doubling the Welsh advantage after Koumas had fortutiously seen his header escape the clutches of the Cypriot ‘keeper Michael Morphis.

Bellamy was creating, Earnshaw was missing. A run down the flank was met with a firm header well saved, and Bellamy’s frustration nearly bettered him as Earnshaw shot tamely with better options available.

The skipper recieved a standing ovation as he walked off the field, substituted near the end with an excellently taken goal in his pocket, but there was still time for Earnshaw to selfishly shoot and see his shot cleared after rounding the goalie, despite having Bale unmarked in the six yard box.

which Martyn Freshman finished in style.

The rest of the first half was little more than a training exercise as Cardiff retained possession around the back line; Courtney heavily involved as the home side kept the visitors chasing the ball for long periods of time.

Cardiff eased off the pedal somewhat in the second half, though there were still moments of quality; Henry Cole’s volleyed finish past a helpless goalkeeper made it four.

A combination of slack concentration and bad luck saw UWE pull two goals back in quick succession; McGahon was unlucky to deflect into his own net having reacted to a skewed shot that almost decapitated him.

Another Freshman goal was enough to calm any nerves and emphasise who had been the better side on the day, a second reverse stick shot finding a way through the UWE goalkeeper’s padding.

Captain Hayes was upbeat after the match, praising his side for their good start and control of possession; “Nick (Gough) gave us a really good start, and from that point on it never looked like anything other than a win. We showed in the first half what a class act we can be, and hopefully we can take this momentum into next week.”

Cardiff travel away for a tricky fixture with Brunel next week, in the Men’s first ever match at Premiership level.

38 gairrhydd

SPORT

OCTOBER.16.2006 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Full IMG Breakfast

Sport give you an introduction to this year’s IMG football and netball teams

Fantasy Football?

Crusaders Cardiff Crusaders missed out on the IMG last season so created and entered the End of the World League. Following our EOTWL cup win and 3rd place league finish, we aim for a Premiership spot at the end of the season. We strongly believe we can play sexy football.

Law A and B We are looking for both our teams to do well in the Premiership. This year we are hoping one of the Law sides will regain the Premiership title, as I believe this squad has the potential to be the best. We have acquired some fantastic players who have gelled quickly.

Inter Me-Nan After an impressive unbeaten pre-season with a win and a draw aginst fellow Group D sides Thunderkatz and Havana Dragons, Inter Me-Nan look far from the joke team of the previous two seasons. We expect to qualify for Division One this season after a good draw.

Chem Soc We have a similar squad to last season with the spine of the team having IMG experience.

We believe that we can push on from just settling for a Premiership place this year.

Anything below a Premiership spot this time around will be disappointing.

As the first match of Cardiff’s premier competition draws closer, find out if your team has the potential to compete with the big boys this season

Zoology

Gym Gym

After a promising IMG debut this season, the Zoo army enter this campaign with high hopes and expectations. Our Premiership chances have been boosted after signing three additional quality players. And we are optimistic following a 5-1 mauling of champions Engin.

We are already revving our Engines, planning to kick some Arse and make the Media Headlines. We are by no means Mygs and hope to be in the Money as the senior team in Group B. After winning Division One last season, we will be looking to build on this feat.

Socsi

Euros

Socsi return to IMG this year after a break last season. This year we have a 24-man squad with an array of new players, resulting in a stronger side. We hope to finish highly in Group A and become an established IMG team next season. Thankfully we avoided the ‘group of death’.

Italian, Greek, Spanish, German, French, Austrian, Irish, Welsh, English. Just naming a few nationalities making up this truly multi-cultural team.

Although we beat English 4-1, we won’t know our strengths and weaknesses until we play a few more games.

AFC Cathays

Butthead FC

Having taken over the reins of the AFC Cathays captaincy, I was a little sceptical about our chances. After most of the squad retired due to graduation, we have made some shrewd close-season signings. We are looking for a Division One finish after a favourable draw.

Butthead FC are a new team this season, formed by a group of guys who played five-a-side together. After a massive turnout at our trials, we are aiming to get into Division One this season and play good, quality football. There is already a fantastic spirit within the squad.

Pharm AC

AFC History

We are looking to build on last year’s success and get to the Premiership again. Our larger squad is made up mainly of Pharmacy students. After giving the Bath School of Pharmacy a thrashing on and off the pitch last year, we are now looking to travel the country once more.

Last season we were gutted to narrowly miss out on Premiership football for the second time in a row. But things are looking up as striker Adam Weatherby hit puberty, while we have recruited a Peter Crouch lookalike, who bagged a brace from midfield last Wednesday.

Psycho Ath. For a department outnumbered by seven females to every bloke, it’s amazing the members ever find time (let alone desire) to kick a ball around the park. Yet Psycho is one of the longest-standing clubs in IMG, as we have had a continual presence since 1990.

CARBS Under the new management team that has been put into place and a number of transferdeadline swoops, CARBS will be hoping to retain their Premiership status gained last year. The team has been training hard and the vibe from the camp is one of confidence.

Hav. Dragons We are aiming for the Premiership this season and we hope to get there by playing entertaining football. Our defence is much stronger this year and we don’t expect to concede many goals. In adddition, our merged side is looking forward to playing Chem Soc.

English Soc Last year English were one of the most improved teams in IMG. A respectable Division Two finish was eleven places higher than our previous finish. With the addition of several exciting new players, we now have a team that is capable of giving anybody a run for their money.

DESIGNED BY ANDREW STYLES

PLEASE NOTE: IF YOUR IMG TEAM IS NOT INCLUDED ON THIS PAGE, YOUR CAPTAIN EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR COPY TOO LATE OR NOT AT ALL. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SWIFT RESPONSES. WE APOLOGISE TO ALL THOSE CAPTAINS WHO NARROWLY MISSED THE DEADLINE.

gairrhydd

SPORT

OCTOBER.16.2006 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Netball Natter

CARBS CARBS experienced a huge turnout at the training session on Tuesday night, making it difficult to pick the two teams for matches on Wednesday. The girls chosen did us proud and all performed very well (at both netball and initiation). We are hoping to have a good season.

English Soc Although we have lost some players from last year, notably our shooters, we are hoping some freshers will make the step up. A comfortable Division One finish would be good, like last year. But we’re not really bothered as long as we beat the English football boys!

Dynamo Tigers

With the IMG netball competition fast approaching, Sport introduce you to several teams hoping for glory this season.

Cardiff / IWC We have lost a lot of top players from last year because they graduated. However we have had over 60 new players sign up, which makes this year the biggest since I’ve been at Cardiff! After Cardiff A won the league and cup last year, we are hoping for another title win.

39

We are definitely going to finish last in our group, with the likes of Cardiff A in it. Once we get into the Botttom division, we should perform well. Our best player is Ali Quasi-Cohen who is also our coach. We are still in the process of getting new players to add to our squad.

Economics

Last year we had too many players so having two teams will make everyone happy. We are looking to gather a squad of 2530 players in order to compete well. Fortunately, we have This year we will try our hardest retained a lot of players from to win, but we are simply playing last year, so this could be a for fun. Our main aim is to work prosperous season. hard and have a laugh at the end of it. It would be great if we can build on what we achieved last season and win as many games as possible. But having fun is the aim of our game.

Optometry

Menon on the Match Dave Menon delivers his verdict on the fate of all 56 IMG teams Football Netball TEAM Arse’Alona CARBS KPMG MOMED Thomas Tank Engin Law A Zoology Chem Soc Havana Dragons Economics Gym Gym AFC History Pharm AC Law B Psycho Athletico Euros Thunderkatz Japsoc English Society JOMEC Boca Seniors Socsi J-Unit Park Rangers AFC Cathays Inter Me-Nan Esplanyol Cardiff Crusaders Myg Myg Butthead FC Uni Hallstars Real Ale Madrid TWNN

GROUP B C A B C A D D B B C A A C D D A C B B A C D D D B D B C C A A

LAST SEASON 2nd in Premiership 4th in Premiership 1st in Division Two 1st in Premiership 3rd in Premiership 3rd in Division One 8th in Premiership 6th in Div One/Two 6th in Premiership 1st in Division One 4th in Division One 7th in Premiership 7th in Division One 7th in Division Two New Entry* New Entry 3rd in Division Three 3rd in Division Two 8th in Division Two New Entry New Entry New Entry New Entry 5th in Division Three 6th in Division Three 4th in Division Three New Entry 7th in Division Two New Entry New Entry New Entry New Entry

PREDICTION Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Division One Division One Division One Division One Division One Division One Division One Division One Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Three Division Three Division Three Division Three Division Three Division Three Division Three Division Three

ODDS 6-1 7-1 7-1 10-1 10-1 12-1 16-1 20-1 20-1 20-1 25-1 33-1 33-1 40-1 40-1 40-1 45-1 50-1 50-1 50-1 66-1 66-1 66-1 66-1 70-1 70-1 70-1 75-1 75-1 80-1 80-1 80-1

TEAM

GROUP PREDICTION

ODDS

Cardiff A Socsi A CARBS A Economics A Socsi B Cardiff B Pharmacy A Law A IWC A English A SAWSA IWC B Medics Economics B Optometry Locomotive Engin CARBS B Dynamo Tigers Pharmacy B Law B Christian Union Automotive Engin English B Gym Gym

A A C D B B D C A C C A D B B D A A C C B B D D

5-1 7-1 7-1 10-1 20-1 20-1 25-1 25-1 33-1 33-1 33-1 40-1 40-1 40-1 50-1 50-1 60-1 60-1 66-1 66-1 66-1 80-1 80-1 80-1

Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Premiership Division One Division One Division One Division One Division One Division One Division One Division One Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two Division Two

PLEASE NOTE: THE LISTED ODDS ARE NOT A TRUE REFLECTION OF POSSIBLE FUTURE EVENTS. THEY ARE SIMPLY PREDICITIONS AND ARE DESIGNED TO CREATE SOME FRIENDLY BANTER. BESIDES, IF YOUR TEAM HAS BEEN GIVEN ODDS THAT YOU DEEM AS UNFAIR, YOU STILL HAVE THE CHANCE TO PROVE ME WRONG.

IMG Football Fixtures Wednesday October 18

IMG Netball Fixtures Wednesday October 18

A

B

C

D

A

Zoology v MOMED

Economics v Myg Myg

English v AFC History

Crusaders v Inter Me-Nan

JapSoc v Pharm AC

Arse'Alona v JOMEC

Law A v Uni Hallstars

Chem Soc v Thunderkatz

Socsi v Real Ale Madrid

Tank Engin v Esplanyol

Butthead FC v Psycho

Hav. Dragons v AFCCathays

Law B v TWNN

Boca Seniors v Gym Gym

Carbs v J-Unit

Park Rangers v Euros

B

C

D

D. Tigers v Socsi A

Automotive v Optometry

SAWSA v English A

Locomotive v Pharm A

Cardiff A v Cardiff B

Christ. Union v Econ B

Pharm B v Law A

English B v Medics

IWC A v CARBS B

Cardiff B v Socsi B

Law B v CARBS A

Gym Gym v Econ A

Sport

INSIDE: IMG PREVIEW & SPORT AT THE EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP QUALIFIERS

PHOTOS: ADAM GASSON

gairrhydd

Cardiff 24 Portsmouth Royal Navy 14

ROYAL NAVY SUNK Jon Berridge Chief Rugby Correspondent CARDIFF MEN’S Rugby team completed successful weekend training with the Royal Navy in Portsmouth with a 24-14 win over the Navy’s under 23 side.

The weekend away was designed to integrate new players into the existing squad and to increase fitness levels for the forthcoming BUSA season.

Activities included an assault course, a gruelling early morning bleep test and a team trip to the cinema. Head Coach Martyn

Fowler was delighted with the weekend and stated, “In terms of team-bonding it has been brilliant and good fun. Our hosts [the Royal Navy] have been excellent.”

The benefits of the training were seen in Cardiff’s comfortable defeat of the Navy side. The hosts took the lead in the 18th minute with a controversial try. The referee failed to notice a Navy kick going beyond the dead ball line, and from the resulting lineout, the Navy scored a converted try to take a 7-0 lead.

Cardiff struck back immediately through a moment of inspiration from new skipper Matt Hopper.

Hopper received a pop pass from Jack Beaman and proceeded to sprint through the opposition defence and the chip ball forward.

This resulted in wing Gethin Thomas bundling the ball over the try line, with Beaman converting to draw the score level.

Confidence was high as Beaman torpedoed his way through a leaky Navy defence to score ten minutes later. For good measure, Beaman converted his try with military precision to give Cardiff a 14-7 halftime lead.

Cardiff dominated the secondhalf with Fowler taking advantage of the rolling subs option to bring

on as many of the squad as possible. The Universities territorial and superiority in the set pieces frustrated the Navy, who had three players sin binned for frequent infringements. In the 50th minute, substitute Nick Grant increased Cardiff’s lead to 17-7 with a welltaken penalty kick.

The tourists continued to exert pressure on their opponents and sealed victory with ten minutes to go. With the Navy defence all at sea, James Corless was given enough space to sail over the try line. A late try was in vain, as any hopes the home side had of victory were washed away by Cardiff’s

third try.

Cardiff’s pre-season preparations were completed with a 19-10 defeat to North Premier A side Worcester University in a practice match. Given last years promotion, the game was an introduction to the step-up the team is going to have to take to compete with high quality, well-equipped teams.

In a physical encounter Cardiff competed well but fell to a last minute Worcester try. Despite the result, the match rounded off a successful pre-season with fly-half Michael Shropter and Matt Hopper scoring tries for Cardiff.

GAIR RHYDD AND QUENCH MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED BY UNIVERSITY UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN n REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE n GAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS n THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS n THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF UNIVERSITY n OXFORD STUDENT: WHO’S LAUGHING NOW n SOPH AND DAN - THE RUMOUR’S STILL THERE n OXFORD STUDENT LA LA LA n NEWS EDITORS: READY AND RARING TO GO n THE NUS CAN GO SUCK MY STRAP-ON n DAN AND ANDY AND WILL AND GEORGIE HAVE SOME WELSH FUN n YES, WE HAVE BEEN SHORTLISTED FOR THE AWARDS AND OXFORD STUDENT HAVEN’T n YES THIS IS CHILDISH, BUT SO WAS THAT EDITORIAL n ADAM IN BUFF BULTER SHOCKER n HE WILL GO TO THE BALL n PHNARRRRRRRR