gair rhydd - Issue 832 pt3 by Cardiff Student Media

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gairrhydd

PROBLEM PAGE

FEBRUARY.05.2007 PROBLEMPAGE@gairrhydd.COM

The de Ville’s Advocate This Week: It’s the static from the floor below

Social networking for the socially inept... Single? Pathetic? Alone? Without a mate? Friendless? Sociopathic? Souless? With the kind help of my good friends Tom and Rupert from MySpace, I’ve surfed the net to present the crème de la crème of internet hotties. This week I present to you: the best Barries this side of Acapulco.

Screename: Barry Age: 24 Location: “Da Ghetto, Singapore” Headline: "I like to sleep naked... Damn...." Indeed. Likes: “Beautifully constructed human bodies, music (it’s a beautiful bosh)” Eh? Pro’s: Bendy. Good skin. Cons: Sounds like a bit of a tool. Only listens to trance.

Squatter be gone! Dear Grace, We are two second-year chemistry students who, until recently, enjoyed a harmonious relationship with our other housemate. But before Christmas she got herself a fella and it's all gone downhill from there really. He seems like a nice bloke deep, deep down but his behaviour leaves a lot to be desired. We don't like to socialise at home for fear of what he might do. Since he stays every night and has moved all his stuff in, it's safe to say that he's going nowhere fast. The other night was the final straw. We came back from a night out to find him playing hard house on every stereo and dancing around in my bedroom in nothing but my lab coat and a film of sweat. He'd obviously been eating curry next to my computer as the mouse was stained a greasy yellow colour

and there was rice all over the keyboard. When I went to get into bed, he’d ripped my pillow and secreted some dark brown fluid into the stuffing. It smelled like gravy but was waxy to the touch. The next morning I was about to brush my teeth when I noticed what could only be described as "red mush" all over the sink, and more worryingly, my toothbrush. I recoiled in horror when I remembered seeing the boyfriend drinking my pomegranate juice and eating my Shreddies just a few minutes earlier. I mean, what had he been doing, deep-throating my toothbrush? Enough is enough. Despite the white spittle around his mouth and the constant tick, our friend is clearly smitten and won’t take kindly to criticism of her beau. Please help!

Hey there ladies,

This gentleman clearly has some kind of problem controlling his bodily emissions. I had a similar problem housemate in the distant past, but years of therapy and libel laws forbit me to go into too much detail. Suffice to say that semen is NOT something that should be squirted through letterboxes and if you wear a short nightie then please wear undergarments. My grandparents were horrified when they were subjected to someone’s labia on a seemingly innocuous visit to the capital. Anyway, I digress. Introduce her to one of the fellows to your left and you won’t see him for dust. Much love,

Grace Mandy and Laura.

Steve Jobs for the boys Screename: Barry Age: 43 Location: Belfast Headline: "IRISH PRINCE SEEKS PRINCESS" Likes: Horse Racing, Red wine, seafood. Pro’s: Describes himself as “a little bit Viking” Cons: On the mature side of young.

Screename: Barry Age: 26 Location: Telford Headline: Too cool for a headline. Likes: “Smoking, computers, big boobs.” Pro’s: You could sell that earring for a hefty sum. His head probably feels like a nice carpet tile. Cons: Wants to meet Kerry Katona. Uses “LOL” in conversation.

Dear Grace,

Dear Dan,

All my friends have iPods and I feel really left out. I know it sounds really trivial but I can’t take any more of their “Nano” this and “Shuffle” that. I’ve got a Minidisc but it’s about as fashionable and technologically advanced as a Tamagotchi. There’s no way I’m ever going to be able to afford one (I’m unemployed) and I’m seriously considering stealing one from someone who looks like they don’t deserve one. Most of the students around here swan around with their white headphones looking too smug for their own damn good. I’d like to poke them in the eye and swipe their smooth white music cases. I know it’s wrong but it’s the only solution I can think of. What do you suggest?

I’ve actually had a few people send in their tales of iPod-related woe. They really aren’t all that. But it’s easy for me to say that as the proud owner of a shiny new IPOD NANO. Only this very morning my iPod screen decided to present some form of MS DOS-style interface gobbledegook and I was left looking stupid when I started screaming profanities at its impotent, music-less carcass. It took a good half an hour to restore it back to its former aural glory, by which time my mum had called wondering why people had asked for me to be sectioned. I don’t know why I’m telling you this – you’d clearly have no trouble getting yourself institutionalised with or without the aid of the Apple corporation. The simple answer would be

Dan, Cathays

to invest in a good old tape player and just stick in some white headphones. No one would be any the wiser, AND you could spend the money you save on some Valium. I seriously hope this helps. When I was ensconced in tertiary education, I thriftily painted the fascia of my cassette player an attractive shade of mauve with the aid of some Rimmel nail polish and some gltter glue. Customisation my friend, customisation. All the kids are doing it; it’s just that no-one talks about it. Get yourself one step ahead of the proles and paint your inferior hardwear in gaudy day-glo colours á la New Rave style. Love from, Grace xxx

Good morning/afternoon/new year. I’ve introduced a new feature whereby I trawl social networking sites to present the cream of the crop to the more socially inept among you. Other than that, it’s business as usual. More problems; more stress for me. Grr.

gairrhydd 49

FIVE MINUTE FUN

FEBRUARY.05.2007 FUNMINUTEFUN@gairrhydd.COM

SUDOKU 7

3 5

5 4

9 8 9

5 9 6

4 6

9 8 6 8

7 8 1

4 3

8 8 10

Curtain Twitching

My favourite present this crimbo was a pair of super strength binoculars from a deranged old uncle, who has clearly spent too much time glued to Springwatch, and is convinced I’m the next Bill Oddie (note to self; investigate birdwatching graduate schemes). Combined with a lip reading manual received from my pet goat, Five Minute Fun has been able to spend revision time dropping in on other people’s chin wagging.

From Number 34 Tall guy: Alright mate. Mostly naked guy: Alright. Tall guy: Is that a third nipple? Mostly naked guy: Its one of those edible ones. Tall guy: Bollocks. Eat it then. Mostly naked guy: No! Tall guy: Its real isn’t it. Mostly naked guy: I’m telling you it’s edible. Tall guy: What, and it tastes like chicken? Mostly naked guy: Alright, alright, its real. I got it for Christmas. Tall guy: What the f**k? Mostly naked guy: This guy I met in Thailand had one. Said it was great for pulling. Tall Guy: And you think its going to work in Come Play? You really are a t**t.

the hall of shame 6 6 6 7 6 7 6 7 8 7 0 R E B M NEW TEXT NU

Lipread from number 47 Blond girl: Liz still hasn’t done the washing up. Spotty Housemate: Have you noticed she’s been smell of garlic recently Blond Girl: I though it was more of a ginger aroma. Spotty Housemate: Nah. Its definiatly garlic. Blond girl: Oh. She still needs to do the washing up. Spotty Housemate: Smelly bitch.

CROSSWORD 2

We asked 100 people what they were planning to do this year before being struck down by severe genital warts and it’s too late. From this list guess which are the top three resolutions that people made...

HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU: Close your eyes. Count to ten. Now open them and hope the magic rats have done it for you because you’ll never succeed. HA HA HA!

survey says...

1. Loose weight 2. Eat more pineapple 3. Clean underwear more often 4. Start a cult 5. Spend less time on Facebook 6. Keep back/gooch hair under control 7. Quit nicotine/crack addiction 8. Ride a tricycle 9. Find courage to jump off the high board 10. Take up golf 11. Learn to fart on demand 12. Start life changing quest to save the princess. 13. Identify princess in need of saving (Diana?) Answers. 9, 5, 1.

Family Fortunes

13 14

Store it, do stuff, text us a photo

15 16

18 20

21 23

ACROSS 1 Army Unit (6,4) 7 Unspecified person (7) 8 Blockade (5) 10 In arrears (3) 12 Hesitate (6) 13 Measure the condition (5) 14 Detest (4) 15 Short haircut (4) 16 Stunt, hoax (5) 17 Noon (6) 18 Exhaust (3) 20 Native American’s tent (5) 22 Haulage cable (7) 23 Norwegian explorer (4, 3, 3)

DOWN 1 Ancient Celtic priest (5) 2 Practical judgement (5) 3 Speed contest (4) 4 Trick (4) 5 Fictional detective, - - - Holmes (8) 6 American state (9) 9 Bad-tempered (6) 11 Like- minded(9) 12 Lady (6) 13 French police officer (8) 18 Chop off (5) 19 Haughty (5) 20 Tough timber (4) 21 Course (4)

Hart’s Art

New year new talents? My arse. You still draw like a 3 week old penguin. Let Art Attack’s infamous frontman show you the way. Exhibit no. 67 - It’s January people. Christmas is over

Apologies Five Minute Fun would like to apologise to anyone who was offeneded by last edition’s article concerning Jews at Christmas. FMF has some Jewish roots and after years of endless questions along the lines of ‘So what do you actually do for Christmas?’ decided to inform people in a tounge in cheek manner.

gairrhydd

GRAB!

FEBRUARY.05.2007 COMPETITIONS@gairrhydd.COM

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

“If you ain’t first...you’re last”... Wise words WILL FERRELL aka ‘the man who can’ returns this February with the DVD release of Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. In the hit of the summer, Will Ferrell hooked up with Sacha Baron Cohen to live out the dream of a race car driver. Star Ricky Bobby has always wanted to to just one thing - drive fast. So when he turns his dreams into reality and gets a lucky break and becomes a NASCAR driver all his wishes have come true. He gets the token blonde beautiful girlfriend, his old school pal is his second driver and he is truely living the American dream. That is, until the far too feminine and clever French driver Jean Girard comes along and challenges Bobby. Ricky oushes himself too hard during a race and ends up in a mangeled wreck, and believing he is paralysed, when clearly he is not - perfectly played off by Ferrell’s comic timing. Trailer trash wife Carley panics when she is no longer married to a NASCAR winner, and so divorces

Ricky to marry Cal. As things go from bad to worse Ricky ends up delivering pizzas on his bike, until he bumps into an old frined who convinces him to make his return at the Talladega 500. Ferrell’s hit is up there with Anchorman in the laugh stakes, not to mention the amount of catchphrases and witty lines from the film. If there were an Oscar category for longest and most tongue-tied title, this would win it hands down. Sacha Baron Cohen is laugh out loud funny, as he plays the effeminate French driver perfectly, and we really believe that he does want to quit racing so he can fulfill his life by taming komo-

Alice In Wonderland meets Psycho RELEASED IN 2005, Terry Gilliam’s Tideland is finally coming to DVD release in the UK on January 29. Described by the acclaimed Gilliam as “Alice in Wonderland meets Psycho”, Tideland depicts the life of Jeliza-Rose, a world where fireflies have names, squirrels talk, and the heads of four dolls keep her company. Both Jeliza-Rose’s parents are junkies, and when her mother dies she embarks on a crazy adventure with her rock and roll musician father, played by Jeff Bridges. The film drifts beteween reality and fantasy as Jeliza-Rose escapes the vast lonliness in which she lives

for a preferred fantasy land created in her own mind. Jeliza-Rose meets Dickens, a lonely, mentally damaged young man with the mind of a ten year old. Dressed in a wet suit and scuba diving gear, Dickens lives in a junk piled wigwam-turned-submarine waiting to catch a monster shark that lives on the railway tracks. The craziness doesn’t end there, as we then meet Dickens’

do dragons with his husband. The film is set to go down in parodycomedy history and so is a must for anyone’s collection. Talladega Nights was released on DVD and UMD to both rent and buy on January 15 and can be yours to win if you enter the competition below. You can also win a brand new Sony DVD player to play it on! One lucky winner an win the DVD player, DVD, and a goodie bag, and five runners up can win a DVD and a Talladega T-Shirt and baseball cap.

For your chance to win, just answer: Who plays Ricky Bobby’s best friend and second driver Cal Naughton, Jr.? TALLADEGA NIGHTS © 2006 Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc. and GH One LLC. All Rights Reserved. Prizes courtesy of Sony Pictures Home Entertainment.

sistel Dell who is a ghost like figure who hides behind a bee-keepers’ mesh hood. As optmistic as it is surreal, and as humourous as it is suspenseful, Tideland is a celebration of the power of a young child’s imagination. The film really is unique, and unlike any other that you will see this year. The DVD has been released in a double edition, both discs are filled with extras. Terry Gilliam has really put his all into making this release perfect, with a 60 minute documentary on the making of the film, commentaries, interviews, behind the scenes and green scenes footage and trailers. We have a number of copies to give away to gair rhydd readers, all you have to do is answer the question below and get your emails to us: What other recent child fantasy stroy has Terry Gillaim adapted? A. The Brothers Grimm B. O Brother Where Art Thou C. Four Brothers

Beautify me! I DON’T know about you, but whenever this time of year comes around, I always feel like a change of ‘do. I don’t know whether it’s the tail-end of January blues, or just me looking forward to the summer (you can almost smell spring coming!) but a fresh cut and blow dry, or maybe even a complete change, always gioves me a brighter outlook on the term ahead. Saks salons offer award-winning hair services that you would expect from the biggest and best hair and beauty group in the UK. Cut, Colour, Hair-Up, Weddings… whatever your need, Saks can deliver. All Saks stylists are trained to the same standards of excellence in hairdressing and customer care. What’s different about Saks is the the consultation process which they use to give you the right cut and colour for every individual. You’ll leave Saks with a bespoke style, that takes into account your face-shape, skin tone, personality and lifestyle, achieving an instant, manageable result for the season ahead.

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

For decades, Saks signature haircuts and colours have graced the heads of beautiful women and been published in magazines around the world. Each year Saks launches pioneering signature collections to inspire clients and hairdressers alike, making Saks the UK’s leading hair and beauty group, as well as now introducing their own brand of styling tools, Saksessories, and these, plus gift vouchers, all of which are available in salons and from www.sakstogo.co.uk. For your chance to be one of the beautiful people, just get an email to me quick-sharp and you can win one of my £10 vouchers that I have to giveaway.

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

52 gairrhydd

LISTINGS

FEBRUARY.05.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

This Week: The Inaccurate Conception; laughs with Ricky Gervais; a spotlight on the Gate The Inaccurate Conception

@ YMCA

Theatre

Feb 5 -10

7.30pm / £5

She isn’t helped by the other teachers, who include an eccentric headmistress, a dippy hippy, a gruesome twosome and a mathematician whose catchphrase is “hard but fair”. The play threatens to be taken over by pushy mothers, nasty husbands, an out-of-work carpenter and a mother who can’t grasp the level of her son’s intelligence. To say the least, it is not going to be an easy ride. In The Inaccurate Conception, the

audience is transported back to preChristmas cheer with all the trimmings, which is a great reminder of the festive period that has just passed. Follow Celia’s desperate attempts to not only survive but make the event and herself a success in the eyes of both her peers and her pupils. The Inaccurate Conception promises to be an entertaining take on childhood, perserverance and everything in between, so go and see it!

Charlotte Hill recommends

Spotlight on...

Gate Ar t s Centre @ Roath, Cardiff Listings Editor Rosaria Sgueglia recommends

ollowing on from the phenomenal success of Jack and His Giant Beanstalk, Act One brings you some post exam entertainment in the form of The Inaccurate Conception. Come and re-live your childhood with a play that will take you back to year three, when you were just seven years old. The scene is set with a class of seven-year-olds being taken through the rehearsal process for their own nativity play by a nervous and rather struggling teacher named Celia Whibley.

ello everybody and happy New Year. Have you ever wanted to attend a ballet course? An art course? Or are you just looking for a place that is artistic, rather than just going to the pub around the corner? Well, there is a place where you can have fun, get in touch with your creative self and maybe learn something extra along the way, and that is the Gate Arts Centre in Roath. The Gate offers an amazing range of facilities that encompasses a theatre, dance studio, gallery and its

Bloc Par ty @ SU

Tues Feb 6

7pm

Laura Hinson recommends

G Ricky Ger vais @ CIA

Thurs - Fri Feb 8 - 9 7pm Listings Editor Jenna Harris recommends

e’s one of the UK’s most successful comedians and is on a career trajectory that shows no sign of abating. The tour de force that is Ricky Gervais has written for The Simpsons and won Golden Globes awards, but his latest project is

his most daring yet. The Reading-born comedian’s third live comedy tour, entitled Fame, addresses and parodies the intricacies of modern celebrity. As one of few genuine British success in America (he was asked by Ben Stiller to appear in his film Night at The Museum, which ended up topping the American box office with takings of $17.1 million), he displays an intricate awareness of the world of arrogance and corporate PAs that is all too often a symptom of the dark side of celebrity. Gervais’ routine in Fame mingles parody and his trademark self-mocking, faux arrogance that is echoed by the staging. From the surroundings, which consist of his name in flashing lights, a fake Emmy and a role call of his achievements, the comedy flows. This is even more pronounced with the apparent ambiguity and irony that comes from him making money from

Coming Up l Romance My Chemica

this caricatured version of fame. His tours have so far sold out within days of being announced (he returns to Cardiff in March so if you want tickets then you need to act sharpish) and have been almost universally critically acclaimed. One such publication to sing his praises is The Scotsman, stating that, “He masterfully peels back the layers of one autism routine to reveal multiple victims of the joke, not least himself. Laugh at whoever you choose to.” What of Gervais’ own views on fame? Well, the man who was briefly in 80’s group Seona Dancing has claimed that he loves watching Love Island, suggesting that at the very least, he loves gawking at the ‘famous’ as much as the rest of us. It looks like being a great night.

et ready for the one and only Bloc Party, coming to Cardiff this week. The critically and commercially successful indie darlings sold out this latest tour in a matter of days, so if you’re one of the lucky ones going to see them then well done. If, like most people, you weren’t quick enough, then try to nick a ticket from someone you know who is going. The band has been together since 2002, operating under a number of slightly dodgy different names (Diet, anyone?) before sensibly deciding on the superior Bloc Party in 2003. Kele Okereke and his boys have spent the following years crafting their own brand of new wave indie rock looking back to musicians of yester such as Gang of Four. The quartet is rounded off with guitarist Russell Lissack, bassist Gordon Moakes and drummer Matt Tong. Their success was set in motion after Kele passed on demos at a Franz Ferdinand show. Steve Lamacq got a copy and played it on his show to enormous positive feedback. Their music career then started in earnest and they signed to Wichita

own cafe bar, serving good food. The theatre is a 350-seater performance space with a thrust stage and a proscenium arch. The dance studio is a mirrored dance space with portable barres where dancing classes such as ballet, salsa, American and contemporary take place. If dance isn’t your thing then the Gate provides a range of activities at both beginner and intermediate levels, or if you just like to watch, then there are regular exhibitions featuring local artists. If you are feeling hungry and looking for much-needed refreshment then the Gate cafe bar is what you need. Defined by Redhanded magazine as “one of the best places in Cardiff,” the cafe offers a range of delicious cakes and hot meals. The Gate also hosts regular live music and open mic evenings, making it one of the best places in Cardiff to spend your free time. If you want to find out more information on the Gates Arts Centre and the events it holds then go to www.thegate.org.uk.

records. Debut album Silent Alarm arrived in 2005 and featured angular, well constructed tracks like their defining single, Helicopter. The album was a commercial success, also garnering acclaim that included a nomination for the Mercury music prize. Fast-forward to this year and they are back with their long-awaited new album A Weekend in the City, released this week. The producer, Jacknife Lee, has worked with Editors and Kasabian among others, as well as winning Grammy Awards for his work, so it is a safe bet that their music will match the standard set by Silent Alarm. One date of the tour - February 5 will be broadcast live on the BBC 6 music radio station if don’t have a ticket, but otherwise see you at our fair Union this Thursday.

PHOTO: Adam Gasson

The Hussys - 14 Feb @ Barfly... Little Man Tate - 20 Feb @ The Point... Letz Zep - 23 Feb @ The Point... The Last Pirate - 28 Feb @ Sherman Theatre... Enter Shikari - 1 March @ SU... Towers of London - 2 March @ Barfly... Limehouse Lizzy - 2 March @ The Point... Tim Minchin - 7 March @ Sherman Theatre... Thea Gilmore - 15 March @ The Point... Faultline & Exit No Exit - 20 March @ Sherman Theatre... Moll Flanders - 22 March @ The Sherman Theatre... My Chemical Romance - 25 March @ CIA...

gairrhydd 53

LISTINGS

FEBRUARY.05.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

Arts Centre and Bloc Party live.

Monday

05/02

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU Cardiff’s own alternative night, featuring bands, a heavy rock room and a generally sweaty, rocked-out atmosphere. Also features DJing by Oddsoc and bands put on by LMS in the live music room. 10pm-2am. Free entry with NUS. £3 otherwise. Vodka Island @ Tiger Tiger Wales’ own superclub, complete with booths, and a trendy interior, hosts a night of drinks promotions (drinks start from £1.95) and the tunes you want to hear. 9.30pm - 2am. £4. Mr Hudson & The Library / Remi Nicole @ Barfly Mr Hudson & The Library are one genre-bending group. The different style they use creates a classy sound that’s influenced by disparate performers like hip hopper Dr Dre, jazz meister Chet Baker and alternative rockers The Lemonheads. 7.30pm. £5. The Olympic / The Outhouse / Cloud Atlas @ Dempseys It’s a question of have guitars, will make loud music. 8pm. £4.

Tuesday 06/02 Planet Rock @ Clwb Ifor Bach Revamped rock night that promises “familiar classics from the fields of metal, hard rock and goth”. 9pm-2pm. £3. Bloc Party @ SU Sold out indie fun. 7pm. Not Your Hero / Chairmen of the Bored @ Barfly Energetic pop-punk rock in the vein of Canadian funsters Blink 182. 7.30pm. £5. The Wave Pictures / Lisa Li-Lund / The Bobby McGees @ Clwb Ifor Bach The Wave Pictures are indie kids David, Johnny, and Franic from Nottingham. Their new album Sophie is out now on Smoking Gun Records. 8pm. £5. Pick Of The Day Roots Unearthed: Swarb's Lazarus @ St David's Hall A good night for fans of folk music. Swarb's Lazarus are a contemporary folk trio consisting of fiddler Dave Swarbrick, guitarist Kevin Dempsey and multi-instrumentalist Martin Allcock. Contact venue for more information.

Wednesday 07/02

Thursday 08/02

Rubber Duck @ Solus, SU Clubbing for jocks and pretend jocks, with a different fancy dress theme most weeks. Surprisingly, it is a huge sell out. 10pm. £3. Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach Three floors, three different clubs. On one, classic funk and motown, another indie classics and brand new music, and on the final floor, cheese. Not literally though. Hugely popular - go early. 9.30pm. £3. Eat The DJ @ Buffalo Bar Laidback club night. 9pm - 3am. Free. Cheapskates @ Metros. Indie, alternative and a dash of cheese mixed together to create a good blend of atmosphere, great music and, being Metros, extreme heat. £6 entry, but for your money you get house doubles for the slightly odd price of £1.09. 8pm-3pm.

Black Book @ Chapter Arts Centre Based on true events, Black Book, set during World War II in the Netherlands, tells the story of Jewish girl Rachel Dteinn who is forced to hide when her country is invaded by Axis forces. 8pm. £5.10. Queen On Fire (formerly Killer Queen) @ Paget Rooms, Penarth Energetic Queen tribute band.7.30pm. £12. Plan B @ SU Indie/hip hop hybrid artist who raps while accompanying himself fingerstyle on guitar. 7.30pm. £9. Junior Hacksaw @ Blues Dragon Club, Gower Hotel A Blues rock trio whose members have played with the biggest names in music. 8pm. £3 / £3.50. To Kill a Mockingbird @ New Theatre Depression-era tale of prejudice set in 1930s racist Alabama. The Finch family are targeted following their lawyer father’s decision to defend an innocent black man. 7pm. £7 £24. Switched On Sherman: Scriptslam @ Sherman Theatre Innovative new idea that takes four new 15 minute pieces written by four writers. The audience is then asked to vote for the piece that they would most like to see developed. 8pm. £3.

Pick Of The Day Patrick Wolf @ Barfly A promising young musician from London who makes weird, beautiful avant-garde music that, so far, people are loving. Drowned in Sound have said that, “Patrick Wolf carries a certain magnetism that most artists can only dream of…a truly wonderful performer and, dare I say it, one of the definitive artists of our time.” This may be a good opportunity to catch the performer before his inevitable growth in popularity moves him away from intimate venues such as this. 7.30pm. Contact venue for tickets.

Pick Of The Day Frank Turner / Dive Dive / Beans on Toast / Gethin Pearson and the Scenery @ Clwb Ifor Bach Dive Dive have been described by ents24.com/web as “a twisted combination of The Undertones (melody) and Fugazi (dynammics)”. They have also been championed by those usual purveyors of musical taste, John Peel and Steve Lamacq. Frank Turner is the former singer of folded hardcore rockers Million Dead, and has now embraced alt.rock with both arms. Turner was apparently guided in his new direction after hearing Johnny Cash recordings. Check out his interpretation of classic Americana. 7.30pm. £6.

Music With Taste - Lunchtime Concert: Jeremy Huw Williams, Madeleine Mitchell @ St David's Hall Classical music from renowned violinist Madeleine Mitchell, whose distinguished career has taken her from the Polish Radio Symphony to the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Baritone Jeremy Huw Williams also performs. 1pm. Contact venue for more information. Scenes of a Sexual Nature @ Chapter Arts Centre Ed Blum’s debut film looking at sex and love follows seven couples as they reflect on their relationships and society’s changing attitudes to love. 6.15pm. £5.10.

Friday 09/02

Saturday 10/02

Sunday 11/02

Access all Areas @ Solus SU New Look Friday...Another Union event, another way to make people drunk. Promises the alternative music that Fun Factory of late has failed to deliver. 10pm - 2am. £3.50 / £3 adv. The Dudes Abide @ Clwb Ifor Bach Music for those who love music. An indie and retro night that takes in the heady landscape created by the likes of Hendrix, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin and Dusty Springfield. 10.pm – 2.30am. £3.50 / £4. Mad4It! @ Barfly DJ Mike TV comperes an indietastic night of your favourite alternative music, ranging from the Strokes to the Smiths to absolutely everything in between. 10.30pm - 2am. £5.

Come Play @ Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room. Traffic (DJ and clubbing society) playing house music in the other. 10pm. £3.50. Fly Swatter @ Barfly Indie party fest that mixes up the best music with the even better. Surprisingly, it’s nothing to do with fly swatters. 10.30pm. £5 NUS. Future Of The Left / Kill Kenada @ Clwb Ifor Bach Future Of The Left are the new band from exMclusky member Andrew Falkous; these punk rockers have been rated by Zane Lowe, Kerrang! and MTV2. St Valentine's Day Metal Massacre: Tigertailz / Dressed To Kill @ St David's Hall Dressed To Kill, the world’s longest-running Kiss tribute band, promise a show that includes all the requiste firebreathing and pyrotechnics. They are so revered among tribute band circles that Gene Simmons himself asked them to appear on his TV show Rock School. They are joined by Tigertailz, an equally glam metal band. 8pm. £15.

Open Mike (Upstairs) @ Buffalo Bar An intimate and relaxed atmosphere where you can experience live acoustic acts, songwriters and performers, as well as participating yourself if you so desire and sharing your musical talent with the rest of the world (OK, a small part of Cardiff). 8pm - 3am. £1. The Hop @ Buffalo Bar The resident DJs present 50’s night: rock ‘n’ roll, jive, rockabilly and psychobilly. Cult 50s films and the extra large milkshakes are another rather fine attraction. 8pm - 3am. Free. NME Indie Rave Tour: Klaxons / CSS / The Sunshine Underground / New Young Pony Club @ SU The latest hot young things do their thing infront of a sold out crowd. 7.30pm. Switches @ Clwb Ifor Bach Indie/glam quartet Switches are back to play Cardiff again. Expect songs from Message To Yuz, their debut LP released last year. 8pm. £7.25. Get Up and Go Show: Dave Benson Philips @ St David’s Hall The one and only Dave Benson Philips. Information is not currently available online, so if you want more information or tickets then contact the venue.

Pick Of The Day Get Happy Tour 2007: Bowling For Soup / Son Of Dork / Wheatus / Army Of Freshmen @ SU US alternative rockers Bowling For Soup are probably about 35 but still have that requisite ‘high school like totally sucks’ attitude. The Soup are best known over here for their hit The Girl All The Bad Guys Want but their presence at the Union sugests that they still have loyal UK fans hanging around five years after their chart debut. Support comes from Teenage Dirtbag singers Wheatus, who were also at the height of their fame several years ago. Post-Busted rockers Son of Dork are present to bring the lineup up to date. 7pm. £14.50.

Beneath The Surface: Jan Watkins Band / The Cardinals / Walker @ Clwb Ifor Bach The Jan Watkins Band are one of those blues/rock combo groups, which is always good. Their co-headliners, the promising The Cardinals, opt for more of an indie vibe. 8pm. £4.

Pick Of The Day John Otway / We Are Trees @ The Point Professional ‘two hit wonder’ Otway has made a career out of being a musical failure. His autobiography Rock and Roll's Greatest Failure ironically became a big success, and he filled the Royal Albert Hll in 1998. His first single Really Free charted way back in 1977, while fans campaigned for him to gain his second hit, which was the number ninecharting Bunsen Burner in 2002. A cult must-see. 7:30pm. £10. NME Indie Rock Tour: The Automatic / The View / The Horrors / Mumm-Ra @ SU Another NME tour, this time featuring local boys The Automatic and horror goth-rock from, er, The Horrors. 7.30pm. Sold out.

Sing-a-long-a Sound of Music @ St David’s Hall Sing-a-long-a Sound of Music is a screening of the one and only Julie Andrews film with subtitles, so you can participate in So Long Farewell and many others. Time to start practising your scales. 7pm. £14.

Pick Of The Day Dave Stapleton Quintet / Ben Waghorn @ Wales Millennium Centre Some swinging jazz music to end your week in style. The titular Mr Stapleton, a jazz pianist from this very city, leads his five piece band, which features Marcin Wright (saxophones), Jonny Bruce (trumpet), Paula Gardiner (bass) and Elliot Bennett (percussion), with aplomb. Also features a performance by Bristolian jazz saxophonist Ben Waghorn. A night for jazzcats everywhere. For more information contact venue.

Pick Of The Day - The Bluetones / My Elvis Blackout @ Barfly From Britpop to Britney, The Bluetones have weathered the rapidly changing musical climate of the last 12 years far better than most, and are still doing their classic rock/psychedelic thing. Evolving from their catchy early single Soloman Catches the Worm to later album Luxemburg, they’ve managed to remain on the radar after all this time. 7.30pm. £12.

VENUES

Students’ Union, Park Place 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Moloko, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

54 gairrhydd

SPORT

FEBRUARY.05.2006 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Deloitte IMG Breakfast

George Pawley Sports Editor

MOMED 1 - 1 Law B MOMED have virtually guaranteed a Premiership spot after gaining a hard-fought point against Law B. The result sees both teams lying on 13 points near the top of Group A, however MOMED have a much superior goal difference of nine, with only one game remaining. Despite the Christmas break, both teams looked energetic in the early exchanges, with Law B having the majority of chances to open the scoring. Paul Matthews came closest, seeing his shot goal-bound blocked with the MOMED goalkeeper beaten. MOMED sat back and were able to repel most of their opponents play, while also looking threatening on the counter-attack. After breaking Law’s offside trap, Nick Bryant could only prod wide when in a good position. Law’s play looked encouraging as the half wore on, but they squandered two clear-cut chances before the half time interval. Firstly, pacy winger Jim Hall squared the ball to Stephen Tynstall, who flashed his shot wide, while a

defensive error five minutes later presented Mike Lloyd with a chance. However his lob cleared the onrushing goalkeeper, but also the bar. Though MOMED sprung out of the blocks quickly at the start of the second period, it was Law who broke the deadlock on 51 minutes. Skillful work in the box from Lloyd allowed him to put a cross in that was met by his strike partner Matthews at the back post. In response, MOMED continued to play down the channels efficiently, and pegged Law back in just 10 minutes from a corner. Nick Child nipped in at the back post, sidefooting James Bannister’s centre home through the crowded six-yard box. The last 20 minutes were dominated by MOMED, who were able to press Law back despite their opponents needing a victory in the drive for the Premiership. However, Law’s defence held strong; skipper Andrew Probert was leading the line well, putting in two tackles in quick succession to prevent MOMED from carving an opening. Naturally disappointed by the result, Law B Captain Probert remarked; “Chances missed in the first half cost us the three points, but the draw was a fair reflection on the game.”

Hallstars rise above English Dan Ridler IMG Reporter

U. Hallstars 3 - 1 English

UNI HALLSTARS came through a scrappy game to record a muchneeded victory over fellow strugglers English Society. Following this latest victory, Hallstars climbed off the bottom of Group C, rising above English who suffered a fourth consecutive defeat. Neither side got off to a desperately strong start, with attacking moves falling apart in midfield and missed passes and poor touches on both sides telling on the flow of the match. However, it was Uni Hallstars who opened the scoring midway through the half when Chris Swatridge slotted the ball home from close range following a precise through-pass. But after having a goal disallowed, English soon levelled the match. Following a goalmouth scramble, the

IMG Football Results Wed 31 Jan

MOMED TWNN Real Ale Pharm AC

1 0 5 3

1 3 3 1

Law B Socsi Japsoc Zoology

ball ricoheted off a Uni Hallstars defender and trickled into the net. After the break, short periods of pressure by English were counteracted by dangerous Hallstars breaks, but poor finishing on both sides kept the score at 1-1. But the deadlock was finally broken when a 20-yard shot by Hallstars' Mark Furnish dipped cruelly in the wind and sneaked over the head of English goalkeeper Dave Menon. In response, English moved to a more attacking formation and may well have had reason to feel aggrieved when a penalty appeal was turned down by the referee. Despite the attacking change, however, Hallstars’ hunger for victory was now firmly set in and English found it difficult to create many notable chances. And English’s misery was soon compunded when Josh Teague Durnian beat Menon with another long-range shot which swerved in the wind. English will now play Division Three football in the next phase.

IMG Football Fixtures Wed 7 Feb

MOMED Real Ale Pharm AC Zoology

v v v v

TWNN Law B Socsi Japsoc

v v v v

Gym Gym Boca Seniors Tank Engin Arse’Alona

v v v v

J-Unit CARBS Butthead FC Law A

Myg Myg Gym Gym Esplanyol JOMEC

2 0 1 1

3 1 7 0

Boca Seniors Tank Engin Arse’Alona Economics

Myg Myg Esplanyol JOMEC Economics

AFC History J-Unit Psycho Ath. Uni Hallstars

3 1 0 3

1 3 2 1

CARBS Butthead FC Law A English Soc

AFC History Psycho Ath. Uni Hallstars English Soc

Inter Me-Nan Euros AFC Cathays Thunderkatz

1 2 2 2

0 2 1 1

Park Rangers H. Dragons Chem Soc Crusaders

Inter Me-Nan AFC Cathays Thunderkatz Cruasaders

v v v v

Euros Park Rangers H. Dragons Chem Soc

PHOTO: James Perou

MOMED secure vital draw against Law

SNAPSHOT: Law’s keeper is called into action

Dragons breathe sigh of relief Dan Tennant-Ralphs IMG Reporter

Euros 2 - 2 H. Dragons HAVANA DRAGONS kept their Premiership hopes alive with an impressive second-half fightback against Euros in Group D. Following this draw, a victory against league leaders Thunderkatz would guarantee the Dragons a Premiership spot in Phase 2. Nonetheless, Dragons were focred to work hard for a point by a resilient Euros side who went 2-0 up early on. The first Euros goal was scored by Austrian winger Clemens Rosner after some sloppy Dragons defending. The second came after the Havana goalkeeper failed to hold onto the ball, allowing Irish

striker Ben Hansen an easy tap-in for a delayed birthday goal. Euros continued to press in the first half, making use of the front man’s strength and speed in the midfield. But in the second half, the Dragons showed greater fighting qualities and their first breakthrough arrived shortly after the interval. When a shot was parried by Euros goalkeeper Matt Postles, Martin Weinel confidently lofted the ball into the empty net. And the Dragons deservedly grabbed an equaliser with 20 minutes left. Weinel bagged his second when his shot took an ill-fated deflection off Euros captain Dan Tennant-Ralphs. Although both teams searched for a winner in in the closing stages, a draw was the fair result.

menon on the match FOOTBALL NUMBER OF GOALS: 57 goals, 3.5625 goals per game WHIPPING BOYS: Esplanyol lost 7-1 against Arse’Alona SURPRISE PACKAGE: Pharm AC get the gong for beating high-flying Zoology, a great scalp. EPIC GAMES: Real Ale Madrid v Japsoc was an 8goal thriller with plenty of drama CONSISTENT PERFORMER: AFC History are currently the only side with a 100% record. Credit is due. TEAM OF THE WEEK: Pharm AC win this award for defeating high-flying and unbeaten Zoology against the odds. A fantastic result.

IMG Netball Fixtures Sat 3 Feb

Optometry Gym Gym Pharmacy B Automotive

v v v v

IWC A English A English B IWC B

Wed 7 Feb Optometry Pharmacy B Gym Gym English A

v v v v

A’motive IWC A IWC B English B

CARBS A Socsi A C. Union Cardiff A

v v v v

Law A Econ A Pharm a Cardiff B

NETBALL NUMBER OF GOALS: 163 goals, 20.375 goals per game GOLDEN GIRLS: Dynamo Tigers for scoring 18 goals SURPRISE PACKAGE: Struggling Socsi B put up a brave fight against in-form Dynamo Tigers EPIC GAME: SAWSA v Locomotive tops the list but there were many nail-biting games CONSISTENT PERFORMERS: Economics A recorded yet another win over CARBS A, can anyone stop them? TEAM OF THE WEEK: Economics A emerged as narrow victors against CARBS A and strengthened their title challenge. Great stuff.

IMG Netball Results Wed 31 Jan CARBS A 11 Socsi A 6 Law A 15 Christ. Union 5

12 Econ A 11 Cardiff B 12 Pharm A 7 Cardiff A

SAWSA 8 Law B 5 D. Tigers 18 CARBS B 6

8 Locomotive 10 Medics 14 Socsi B 15 Econ B

If you have any queries relating to IMG Netball, please contact Alex McIntosh. Fixture times for matches on Wed 7 Feb have not been released yet. Please note that fixtures and league tables can be found on www.fixs.co.uk

Football Tables IMG Football

Group A P

Diff

Pts

Zoology*

MOMED

Law B

Pharm AC

Socsi

Real Ale Madrid

-35

Japsoc

-6

TWNN

-29

IMG Football

Group B D

Diff

Pts

Gym Gym

Engin

Arse’Alona*

Boca Seniors

JOMEC*

Economics

-7

Myg Myg

-16

Esplanyol

-23

IMG Football

Group C D

Diff

Pts

AFC History

CARBS

Law A

Butthead FC

J-Unit

Psycho Ath.

-2

Uni Hallstars

-44

English Soc

-22

IMG Football

Group D D

Diff

Pts

Thunderkatz*

Chem Soc

H. Dragons

AFC Cathays

Crusaders

Euros

-2

Inter Me- Nan

-8

Park Rangers

-17

* Team has been deducted 1 point

Netball Tables IMG Netball

Premiership P

Diff

Pts

Economics A

Law A

Cardiff A

CARBS A

Pharmacy A

Christ. Union

-8

Cardiff B

-27

Socsi A

-11

IMG Netball

Division One D

Diff

Pts

Economics B

Dynamo Tigers

SAWSA

Medics

Locomotive

-1

CARBS B

-12

Law B

-26

Socsi B

-41

IMG Netball

Division Two D

Diff

Pts

English A

Pharmacy B

IWC A

-2

IWC B

-6

English B

-10

Optometry

-21

Automotive

-21

Gym Gym

-25

gairrhydd

SPORT

FEBRUARY.05.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Number one

Angharad Jones Rugby Reporter CARDIFF LADIES rugby team successfully secured their place at the top of BUSA League 1A with a convincing victory at home against Gloucestershire. Cardiff were apprehensive going into the game after the close score line in their last encounter with the visitors. However, their worries were soon dispelled when after just 6 minutes, centre Rozalind Lambe crossed the line following a perfectly executed piece of set play from the backs. This settled Cardiff’s nerves and good inter play between the players continually allowed the home team to get the overlap freeing winger Melanie Burge to score twice in the following 10 minutes. In the 30th minute, number 8 Rebecca Blakeway claimed her first try for Cardiff after a strong drive through the Gloucestershire defensive line. Just before half time, fly half Kat

PHOTO: RICHARD PICKETT

Ladies’ rugby firsts secure top spot in BUSA 1A Lenan began her scoring spree, crossing the line to leave the visitors trailing 31-0 at half time. Cardiff dominated the second half, taking advantage of numerous penalties given away by a frustrated undisciplined Gloucestershire side. Within 10 minutes of the interval, Lenan added 2 more tries to the scoreboard, one of which was converted by captain Simone Shepard. Further tries were scored by full back Eleri Davies and winger Burge got her hat trick. Fly-half Lenan broke the visitors defence again in the 60th minute crossing for her 4th score of the day. Lauren Williams was brought on in the 65th minute and despite receiving a hard tackle she quickly recovered to score her first try for Cardiff. Shepard converted for the fifth time making the final score a well-deserved 65-0. With one game to go Cardiff are now in an unreachable position at the top of the league. They now look forward to the play off games and the prospect of promotion into

CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts 65 GLOUCESTERSHIRE Ladies’ 0

RUGBY: Up And Up

comment

Rise and fall of the Bluebirds

Mark Smith on Cardiff City’s season of twists and turns FROM SHEER JUBILATION to complete despair; from the top of the league to thirteen games without a single win; from financial security to fifteen minutes away from administration. Supporting Cardiff City Football Club this season has undoubtedly been a roller coaster ride, entertaining fans both on and off the pitch. The main talking point amongst supporters has been the club’s change of ownership, with the often controversial and eccentric Lebanese businessman Sam Hammam leaving his role as chairman after 6 years. In his place has come Peter Ridsdale, another character with a fa from respectable reputation after his failings at Leeds United. However, his presence has so far been welcomed, as he masterminded

the club’s £27 million takeover, bringing with it the prospect of a new stadium, money to spend on new players and ambitions of promotion to the Premiership.

Financial security to 15 minutes away from administration This ideal now seems like a realistic goal, but it could have been so different if Hammam had refused to step down from his position, potentially leaving the club in administration and causing a financial meltdown. Reportedly, the club was minutes away from this scenario.

The team itself has equally had its fair share of highs and lows. Manager Dave Jones’ shrewd spending at the start of the season, bringing in striker Michael Chopra, ex-Leeds midfielder Stephen McPhail and Scotland international Steve Thompson to name but a few, saw Cardiff soar to the top of the Championship for the majority of the first half of the season, playing highquality football in the process. Winning comfortably against difficult opposition such as Birmingham City made many fans believe that this could be Cardiff’s year to finally reach the Premiership, but in typical Bluebirds fashion they made life hard for themselves, failing to win a game for two months. This poor form plummeted Cardiff down to eighth in the table, disillu-

sioning many sections of the Ninian Park faithful. Despite this bad run, Cardiff’s recent valiant performance against Tottenham in the F.A. Cup, coupled with two pleasing results against Wolves and Leicester, has given supporters a new sense of expectation. Michael Chopra’s brilliant hat trick has seen him rediscover his scoring form, and the arrival of new players in the January transfer window seems to have given the players a belated kick up the backside. There has rarely been a time in recent years that Cardiff City has not been in the news, whether it be for positive or negative reasons. We’ll have to wait and see whether the next major news on the club is one of promotion, or of a missed opportunity.

SEND IN YOUR BUSA REPORTS sport@gairrhydd.com

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PHOTO: GEORGE FOOT

have a renewed determination, but although they pressed a little harder early on, Cardiff resumed dominance and promptly put away two goals in quick succession. The first was smashed in by Claire Davies, who latched onto a cross that found its way through a crowded box. The second was a prime example of the direct play that has made Cardiff so successful, as Donna McCormick controlled a strong pass towards the goal, turned and rifled it in the bottom corner of the net.

Happy New Year

CARDIFF 1sts . . . . . . . . . . . . .61

FIVE: If you’e got the feeling...

Cardiff fire five past UWE Scott D’Arcy Sports Reporter CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . . .5 UWE Ladies’ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .0 CARDIFF EXTENDED their unbeaten stretch to nine wins in the league, with a determined performance against UWE. After the Christmas break Cardiff seemed, justifiably, lacking in match practice. The score line did not flatter Cardiff as they dominated their opponents, however, it

could have been more and even though no-one performed poorly, it was evident the team was not completely in sync. UWE started the game chasing the ball as Cardiff moved it about swiftly, showing why they are top of the league. It was not long before the home side scored with a pinpoint cross into the area, which Sophie Blair skilfully tipped in. Shouts of encouragement from their rather animated coach still did not inspire UWE to get a firm hold on the game and Cardiff looked comfortable in defence, so much so that almost every player was committed to attack.

This kind of pressing attacking play has put Cardiff top of the league, and UWE clearly could not cope with the tactics. Cardiff fired the shots in but the goalkeeper kicked them away and the rebounds were either wide or scrambled clear. The goals kept coming though, as some neat stick work by Laura Ferguson left her with an empty net to aim at. When Cardiff took their foot off the gas, UWE broke but selfish play by their right winger and a lack of vision in terms of forward passing meant that the strikers were frustrated. After the interval UWE seemed to

Ed Pitchforth Sports Reporter CARDIFF Men’s 1sts . . . . . . . . .0 UWIC Men’s 1sts . . . . . . . . . . .3

WICKED UWIC

PHOTO: JAMESON KERGOZOU

CARDIFF’S FIRST GAME of 2007 pitted them against a tough and physical Gloucestershire team. Being placed higher in the league, and having beaten them earlier in the season, the pressure was on Cardiff to come away with the points. This they did, wrapping up an emphatic victory 6132. Gloucestershire hit the court with all guns blazing, spurred on by boisterous chanting from the home crowd. Their quickfire feeds into the circle caught a rusty Cardiff defence cold and Gloucestershire opened up a small lead. However, as the minutes ticked by, Cardiff warmed up, with Lyons and Oatley in defence adapting their play to deal with the 6’3 West Country shooter. Their speed and agility resulted in numerous tips and successfully broke down Gloucestershire’s long ball game plan. Meanwhile, the attacking unit gelled beautifully with WA Philippa Turner giving a demonstration in feeding the circle with her supreme vision and perfectly weighted balls. At GA, Allchurch typically meandered all over the court, mesmerising her opponent with her mazy runs, to which the GD had no answer. Cardiff won the first quarter 17 - 13 and by half time they had taken control, consolidating their lead 32 - 24. The second half continued with more of the same. GS Sophie Vaughan was imperious in front of goal and Gloucestershire’s only answer was to get increasingly physical. Allchurch took a particular buffeting, but responded with some magical movement and interlinking play with Carys Jenkins. Spurred on by some brilliant teamwork in defence that restricted Gloucestershire to a only few long range efforts, the Welsh side picked up the effort and fought to the final whistle, only too aware that goal difference could be crucial to their final league position. Player of the match Turner commented: “It is great to see the team adapting to a different style of play.”

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

GLOUCESTERSHIRE 1sts . . . .32

PHOTO: JAMESON KERGOZOU

Rebecca Oatley Netball Reporter

At 4 – 0, Cardiff eased off and their opponents started to create chances

FOOTBALL: Chasing Shadows

CARDIFF’S FIRST TEAM slipped to a 3 - 0 defeat against local rivals UWIC, leaving them still waiting for their first league victory of the season. With their relegation from the BUSA 1A already confirmed, and with injuries leaving the Cardiff squad depleted, UWIC were able to gain the upper hand, utilising their pace and power upfront to unsettle the Cardiff defence. UWIC capitalised on this when a failed clearance ricocheted off a Cardiff player and fell straight at the feet of UWIC’s No. 9, who did not hesitate to give his side the lead.

Undeterred, Cardiff continued to battle Undeterred, Cardiff continued to battle and came close to equalising when Andre Stairmand found space down the right and produced a fine cross which striker Tom Beckley came agonisingly close to converting. Cardiff continued to threaten, however yet again they failed to turn their

At 4 – 0, Cardiff eased off and their opponents started to create chances. A hopeful pass forward found its way through Cardiff’s defence, but the shot was misplaced and there was an immediate response as Ferguson showed more good control, gathering a long pass and firing inches wide. Soon after it was the captain’s turn to score and the chance came after a series of penalty corners, which were varied to the extent that it was obvious that they had been worked on in training. It was effectively the end of any resistance by UWE. They were simply too slow on the break and were not given any time on the ball. They had a last ditch attempt at a consolation goal; a two on one, which was smothered by the goalie, who was remarkably alert considering she had only been called into action once before. It is fair to say it was not one of the best Cardiff performances this season, but their effort and determination meant they deserved the win.

possession into goals; a reoccurring theme in their disappointing season. With 35 minutes gone, UWIC punished Cardiff’s profligacy with an incisive counter. Having pushed forward in search of an equaliser, Cardiff’s defence were left outnumbered and a UWIC midfielder was able to race through and double their advantage with a calm finish. Cardiff began the second half brightly, and had every right to feel aggrieved when the UWIC goalkeeper raced out of the penalty area and appeared to save Beckley’s shot with his hand. Despite this promising start, the visitors again began to control the match as they outmuscled the Cardiff team in the middle of the park. Their strike pairing ensured that pressure mounted as they relentlessly closed down Cardiff’s defence, resulting in a string of misplaced passes. Goalkeeper Moranzi spared his defenders blushes with a brilliant reflex save, but was left hopelessly exposed as yet another poor clearance resulted in UWIC’s third. Cardiff could find no way back from three goals down, and in truth a consolation goal never looked likely. Demoralised Coach Dean Wheeler commented; “Going forward we lacked composure and patience. “At the back we defended too far apart enabling them to play between us easily.”

gairrhydd

SPORT

FEBRUARY.05.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM RUGBY: Lead Slipped Away

Medics carved open Jack Zorab Sports Reporter SWANSEA 1sts . . . . . . . . . . . .14 CARDIFF Medics 1sts . . . . . . .11

PHOTO: MATT HORWOOD

Cardiff Rugby Men’s lose to first class Hartbury

Overhauled

Jon Berridge Sports Reporter CARDIFF Men’s 1sts . . . . . . .10 HARTBURY 1sts . . . . . . . . . . .45 CARDIFF BRIEFLY held the lead against highflying Harbury, but eventually succumbed to the opposition’s superior fitness and clinical finishing. The score may give the impression of a drubbing at Llanrumney, but Cardiff more than held their own for the majority of the match against the league leaders. In the opening exchanges Cardiff defended resolutely against several threatening Hartbury attacks. The away side appeared ragged but breached the Cardiff defence in the

twentieth minute, with their wing powering through a series of tackles to score underneath the posts. Cardiff’s response was impressive with scrum-half Tom Powell, wing Jack Beaman and number eight James Corless all making inroads into the Hartbury defence. Cardiff’s pressure was eventually rewarded with a try from flanker Alex Huntley who drove over the line following a forward push from a lineout. Cardiff’s impressive resurgence was confirmed minutes later when the forwards again exerted considerable force on the Hartbury defence. Loose-head prop Aled Mason through brute force powered his way over the line to give Cardiff an unprecedented lead. Beaman missed the difficult conversion by a matter of centimetres with the lead at 10-7 to the home side.

Hartbury responded powerful with pressure from their forwards being repelled by Cardiff’s defence. With half time approaching Cardiff’s defence was again breached with Hartbury’s forwards powering over the line to go in at half time with a narrow four-point lead.

“For 60 minutes we’ve competed against the best team in the country” Cardiff struggled to impose themselves at the beginning of the second half and Hartbury clinically punished any half chance. In a twenty minute spell Harbury

scored thirty-one unanswered points, running in five tries. Despite this, in the latter stages of the match, Cardiff regrouped and strove for a third try but Hartbury defied them. Cardiff Head Coach Martyn Fowler was left to rue one quarter of the match where his side effectively lost the match stating; ‘”For 60 minutes we’ve competed against the best team in the country. They won the game on fitness.” In assessing the result of this match it is necessary to take note of the standard of Hartbury. Many of their players are on professional contracts and their starting open-side flanker has appeared four times for Gloucester in the Zurich Premiership this year. It is unlikely that any other of the Cardiff teams face opposition who play at such a high level.

Thumbs Up: Support for investment is evident

Continued from Back Page at Cardiff University. The AU application, which will

be presented to the next sitting of the University’s Strategy and Resources Committee on February 13th, also contains letters of support from the club captains of football,

hockey, American football and lacrosse, who unanimously agree that investment is of vital importance to their clubs progress. The proposed training facility has also received backing from the Development and Alumni Relations (DEVAR) Office, who cite the easing of pressures “from already stretched sporting and recreational resources” of high importance in their approval of the bid. Cardiff’s Student Council also unanimously passed the proposal in their latest meeting. Looking at the statistics, it is clear Cardiff’s facilities are not

meeting the standards required for the AU clubs to be able to compete at a reasonable level, while they fail to provide adequate facilities for other students who want to keep fit. The acquisition of a rubber crumb pitch would not fix the sporting facility issue; it would be an initial step into the 21st Century, and could also lead to future developments and investment in sport. Should the decision on the proposed surface be deferred yet again, Cardiff will be left further behind by its competitors, both in terms of resources off the pitch, and in performances on it.

KILLER INSTINCT was the deciding difference between the two sides as Cardiff Medics suffered a 14 – 11 defeat against Swansea. The Medics frequented Swansea’s 22 all too often but came away with only a 3 - 0 lead at half-time. The ever-ready Endaf Morgan, Adam Bennett and Morgan again should have had scores to their name but for the cruellest of inches. The match was one for the purists; the balance of Cardiff’s back three was particularly notable. This was combined with a fine debut performance from scrum-half Richard Knight, who kept the tempo high and the Swansea forwards honest. When they did get their chance, Cardiff University’s varsity opponents showed why they are top of the league. Their gargantuan forward pack developed their pick-and-go game off the side of the rucks to better effect after half time, when it engineered a position from which their rangy outside centre crashed over to score. The swift riposte was a Crabtree penalty, closely followed by a well worked try after a breakout from Leonard. The result was Bennett diving over thanks to furiously fast hands from Gough and James. Swansea weren’t done though. They gained a penalty try after pressure on Cardiff’s line to make it 14 11 then proceeded to stuff the ball up their jumper, and whilst not the best tactic for chasing a game it helped close the match. This was despite the efforts of Kidd, Miller and Rhys Phillips who were magnificent all game, doing their utmost to get back down the field. A last minute foray into the hosts’ territory didn’t go to hand and Swansea took a narrow victory.

SEND IN YOUR IMG REPORTS sport@gairrhydd.com

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FEBRUARY.05.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Sport hears from AU members about their views of Cardiff University’s sports facilities Daniel Evans Rugby

Nick Gough Hockey

Daniel Stevens Athletics

“Cardiff Uni needs a gym. The Park Place and Talybont gyms are frankly laughable. Rugby players in particular should be up in arms about this because weight training is an integral part of their sport, and other Uni’s with better facilities gain an instant advantage over ours.”

“Talybont Astro is a very good astro for Hockey, although it needs new floodlights as they are below the required level they are supposed to be. Also, if the footballers continue to train with their studs on, in about 6 or 7 years time it wont be a great astro and might even have to be relaid. A new football astro would be a good thing to invest in.”

“An athletics track! So I don’t have a 30min run to Leckwith before training. Got to be one of the only big Uni's not to have

James Corless Rugby “So what if Cardiff isn't a ‘sports university’, neither is Bristol but they have exceptional facilities. Let’s not forget that sports also bring in a lot of money to universities, especially ones that perform well. Please correct me if I'm wrong but I believe that Bath Uni received somewhere in the region of six figures for coming runners up in BUSA rugby last year…money like that would go a long way.” James Sexton Rowing “We only have to look at the topflight universities of Durham, Oxbridge, Havard, Yale etc. to see how important they regard fantastic sports facilties as a part of their students developement. Investment in sport is a positive investment in the student, both physically and academically.” Harry Stephenson Swimming “I think the swimming facilities here in Cardiff are quite poor if I'm honest. We need a pool that is deeper than my big toe - Maindy is quite awful for a uni of this calibre.”

What the rubber crumb would look like

Woody’s word a note from the AU President DOES CARDIFF UNIVERSITY currently offer a ‘world-class’ student experience? Are you satisfied with two tennis courts, no swimming pool, no boathouse, the training facilities or even the gym provision? In the last five years, University Board has deferred two proposals for investment in sport. If it was to be delayed for a third time on the eve of top-up fees, the University would be making a grave error. Future students will place more emphasis on additional services and facilities offered by universities. If sporting provisions are not improved, Cardiff University runs the risk of being left even further behind its competitors. The purpose of the Invest In

Sport campaign is to get sport on the University’s agenda and ensure a commitment to continual investment. Initial feedback from Board members has been promising, but we await some positive decisions. The student voice is being rallied. Over 1,100 people have joined the Invest in Sport Facebook group in a week. Hundreds are signing up for the Fun Run on Saturday 17th February. If sport and fitness is important to you, get involved in our Health

Month and show the University that healthy bodies means healthy minds. The student voice will be heard.

Matt Hopper Rugby “Talybont Sports Centre, especially facilities such as the gym, are seriously under-standard. All you have to do is look at Uni’s such as Bath and even closer to home, Swansea, to see what a real sports centre should look like.” Jon Walder Rugby “The whole point of entering higher education is to broaden options and career potential. I think the role of sport in this process is fiercely and irrefutably underestimated by Cardiff University and remains one of its major flaws.”

Gareth Owen Hockey “It's quite easy to see that there is an 'overload' situation. Another astro would go a long way to allowing clubs better producivity out of their practice time as well as opening slots for clubs also affected by weather conditions.” Jason Bell Hockey “The current astro at Talybont is excellent, however the floodlights are not up to scratch and use of football boots by footballers training leaves the pitch bobbly, this is not their fault as they are allowed to wear the boots, but it is not doing the astro any favours.”

The Player’s View First XV Rugby player Jon Walder gives his view on Cardiff’s sporting resources AFTER TRAVELLING around the UK’s finest academic institutions to face various rugby teams, it is instantly apparent that there is great value placed on sport related investment. For instance, Bath University’s iconic modern multi-purpose sports centre is comparable with any commercial fitness centre I have encountered. Multiple studios, courts, pools, playing fields and gymnasium cater for every need, from that of the relative novice to the budding professional. In comparison, Cardiff University has a ratio of 25,000 students to 1 astro-turf pitch. I have experienced the consequence of this deficit first-hand. On numerous occasions, rugby training has had to be cancelled due to the unavailability of viable locations or bad weather conditions. Consequently, the team competing in the Premier League for first time in its existence, have been forced to go into matches with only one hour of preparation time. This is clearly enough not to be successful in a league where our

rivals train as a team up to 4 times a week. Throughout my years at Cardiff University, I have seen the professionalism, commitment and ability of the rugby team grow to levels which only five years ago were largely considered unobtainable. This growth has not been matched by financial investment and the fear remains that without such, the teams promising rise will not be sustainable. Put simply, by failing to adequately invest in sport, Cardiff University is failing its students. It is often declared that as an academic institution the University’s primary concern should rest with its academic capabilities. However such academic determinism ignores the synergetic benefit of students partaking in extra-curricular activities that stretch them in ways beyond academia and encourage holistic development. That is not to say that we should encourage a trade-off between the two, but rather there should exist an understanding that there need not be one.

gairrhydd 59

SPORT Rubber Crumb facts

FEBRUARY.05.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The crumb of the crop Dave Menon explores the advantages of rubber crumb pitches and how they have benefited other universities and students in the UK RUBBER CRUMB pitches offer a fantastic surface and can be used just like a squash court, according to the Head of Sport at the University of Glamorgan, Dr Tudor Williams. The University of Glamorgan is one of five universities across the UK that have built at least one full-sized rubber crumb pitch, while Manchester, Portsmouth and Newcastle are planning similar investments. Since Glamorgan opened their £450,000 rubber crumb facility in November, Williams recalled how training sessions for students have never been called off due to the quality of the surface. He said: “The rubber crumb surface is classified as 3G [Third Generation] because it’s the latest in pitch technology. These facilities are the recognised surfaces for football training, used for all levels from beginner to elite. “Most grass pitches can be used for about 10 hours per week. But rubber crumb pitches can be used for up to 10 hours each day. This means numerous games can be played every Wednesday. It’s like playing on a squash court, the groundsmen love it”. “Students love it too. The pitch suits them because matches and training sessions are never cancelled, the bad weather doesn’t matter. It’s absolutely marvellous because students tend not

to get muddy and the changing rooms are cleaner as a result.” In addition, Williams also explained why rubber crumb surfaces are superior to the widely known astro-turf option. He added: “The ball bounces all over the place on astro-turf pitches. Rubber crumb pitches are better because there’s even bounce and users can wear moulded boots instead of trainers. It’s almost like playing on grass.”

Rubber crumb is the latest in pitch technology Williams also revealed that Glamorgan’s rubber crumb surface only took 16 weeks to build. This means there is a slight possibility that Cardiff’s proposed rubber crumb surface could be ready for use by next September if construction begins in May. But of course, there are many administrational hurdles in place before building work on any project can even begin. And despite the advantages of building a state-of-the-art rubber

crumb facility, some universities may be deterred by the substantial price tag of around £400,000. But Williams insists that a rubber crumb pitch can generate a great deal of profit from the local community. He said: “A rubber crumb surface can be used at all levels. For example, professional sports clubs can hire out the facility, while children can practice their skills during the summer holidays when students are off campus”. “Some companies charge groups £300 per hour to use rubber crumb facilities. Although we’ve increased our prices slightly, our waiting list is remarkably long. These profits can be invested back into sport at Glamorgan.” Meanwhile, students at the University of Southampton are also enjoying the benefits of newly installed rubber crumb surfaces. The Russell Group university has invested heavily in sport in recent years and their AU President, Issy Gross, is delighted with the recent changes. She said: “The rubber crumb pitches are good quality surfaces and we’ve been able to move more BUSA teams onto them. Since the pitches opened in October, we’ve moved the lacrosse teams across and there’s even space for emergency rugby training. “Everyone is really happy with the rubber crumb pitches as less games are

getting cancelled. The main problem now is getting our other pitches up to the same level [of quality]”. However, Gross admitted that investment in sport at Southampton was mainly aimed at increasing participation while improving BUSA performance. When questioned about participation, Cardiff AU President, James Woodroof, revealed some changes might be made to the current IMG format if the rubber crumb pitch is given the green light. He commented: “There is a real possibility of making the IMG football an evening and weekend league on the rubber crumb [pitch], where students would be guaranteed a game every week.”

Some changes might be made to the IMG format “The current situation with the poor weather and the council pitches has meant for the last two years the IMG football season has been severely disrupted. “Only five matches were played in three months last term, which is frustrating for us all.”

Summary of Sports Facilities Rankings Warwick Imperial College Southampton Bristol Oxford Birmingham Edinburgh Newcastle Sheffield Nottingham Manchester Leeds Liverpool Glasgow Cardiff LSE University College

24 40 13 11 8 3 9 19 31 7 14 15 38 18 21 51 46

48 48 46 45 40 38 38 37 37 36 35 34 33 32 20 13 12

students were at Cardiff when the Talybont sports facilities were built.

26,000

students currently attend Cardiff University.

£350,000 the funding required to build a full-sized rubber crumb pitch at Talybont

1,100

Cardiff students have backed the ‘Invest in Sport’ campaign on Facebook

The number of sports clubs at Cardiff Univerity who could benefit from the rubber crumb facility

The number of other universities across the UK that have recently installed fullsized rubber crumb pitches

The number of hours a rubber crumb pitch could be used per day

(found in the Times Good University Guide 2007) BUSA rank Facility Points

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17.

8,000

The number of weeks it could take to build a fullsized rubber crumb pitch

The ranking of Cardiff’s current sports facilities out of a possible 55

The number of IMG football teams each year that could benefit from a state-of-theart playing surface LIFE’S A PITCH: The rubber crumb surface at Glamorgan

g a i rr h y d d

Sport

INSIDE: All the BUSA and IMG action in the firs t fixtures of 2007

15 YEARS OF HURT The quality of Cardiff’s sporting facilities have been brought into the spotlight as the AU pushes for new investment

MUDDY: Rubber Crumb would revolutionise training sessions George Pawley Sports Editor AFTER 15 YEARS without significant improvements to Cardiff’s sporting facilities, the Athletic Union is launching it’s ‘Invest In Sport’ campaign for the funding of a £350,000 rubber crumb allweather surface at Talybont. The proposal for new training facilities has twice been deferred by the University Board, but this renewed effort is being spearheaded by the AU following the release

of figures from The Times Good University Guide 2007. The guide ranks Cardiff’s sporting facilities at fifteenth from seventeen Russell Group Universities, while lying bottom in the group of six Welsh universities, with a star rating of just 20 from a possible 55. Since the last facility upgrade in 1988, the number of students studying at Cardiff has quadrupled, meaning the University is struggling to accomodate it’s 5,000 active sports club members. The lack of training time and

all-weather facilities have been identified by both the football and hockey squads as having a major impact on the University’s indifferent BUSA performances. Cardiff’s form can be compared with the recent performances of fellow Russell Group member Bristol, who have risen seven places in four years to 11th following investment in their Coombe Dingle Sports Complex, which boasts purpose-built, indoor and outdoor facilities for the use of it’s students. In addition, The Times guide highlights more facility failings,

awarding the range of pitches and courts a disappointing 2stars despite the AU’s 60 sports clubs, while it notes the University has no boat house or athletics track. The third-generation rubbercrumb surface would upgrade the current grass training facility at Talybont, which faces constant problems of poor drainage and grass cover, especially in the winter months. Upgrade of the pitch would provide a synthetic, highly durable, grass-like pitch. The investment would benefit the prestigious rugby and foot-

ball clubs, while the lacrosse and Cardiff Cobras American football squads would similarly profit. The proposal would also ease the training congestion problems on the other all-weather hockey surface at Talybont. It is possible the benefits could extend even further, if ideas of playing IMG on the facility are feasible. Rubber crumb pitches are now becoming an essential asset for sports clubs; Real Madrid train on similar surfaces, and in the last two years many University’s have built at least one full-size facility, while Manchester, Portsmouth and Newcastle are planning similar investments. Dr. Tudor Williams, Head of Sport at the University of Glamorgan, who have recently financed a £450,000 full-size rubber crumb football pitch, has described these 3G facilities as “the recognised surfaces for football training, used for all levels from beginner to elite”. These sentiments are echoed by AU President James Woodroof, who believes approval of the bid would be significant start in regenerating Cardiff’s facilities, commenting; “Rubber crumb pitches are no longer a luxury. It is a basic facility, popping up in even primary schools. Upgrading this pitch is a tiny step in the right direction. But this campaign has highlighted inadequacies in our entire sports infrastructure.” So far, over 1000 students have signed the facebook.com petition ‘Invest In Sport’, while the AU has events such as a Fun Run on 17th February, and a dedicated Union night ‘Rubber Duck for Rubber Crumb’ to raise awareness further. Comments on the petition have labelled the Universities current sporting facilities as “seriously under standard”, being in an “overload situation” and a “major flaw” Continued on Page 57

GAIR RHYDD AND QUENCH MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED BY UNIVERSITY UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE GAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF UNIVERSITY PERRI: “I KNOW MY GAY” MENON IN ABUSE OF POWER SHOCKER MENON IN IMG PERFORMANCE STINKER QUEEN ANDY OF PROOF READING GAIR RHYDD WIN BACK 5-A-SIDE CROWN 4 BEAT 6, JOCKS BEAT DWEEBS MENONISMS TO APPEAR IN OED BREAST PUMPS ARE FUN MENON IS THE GOALIE IN THOSE CONDOM ADVERTS - YOU HEARD IT HERE MENON: “GEORGIE’S DONE ME A FEW FAVOURS GRUMPY CUNTY PISSY RIDLER GIVE US A RUBBER CRUMB PITCH ZZZ

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ade-up medicine?

:'8#.&.(5 ;%,.4+6 <"=#/+6'+#&.46% #%-%+6%,'&5+& "/67'>?'"3'&5% 46+.@('@+,%'27 A5+#@+4%=&.4+6 4"@A+/.%('./ &5%.#'2#"45=#%( 1%#%'%/&.#%67 (4.%/&.3.4+667 -%#.3.+26%

48 !"#$!"#$$

JOBS & MONEY

FEBRUARY.05.2007 JOBS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

Target practice !"#$%&%'"()*%+,-."/%0-11-2(%3"#)/.$ $).$ *"4%.5)%."6%7-8)%.2/9).$%."%5-.%.5-$%*)2/

re you one of the many masses who make new years resolutions each year but conveniently forget to commit yourself to them? K*-( 2#)( "#&%( 4%%0( 4'-,"/03,( $"% $"/03,( )*-( 0%%.( $*( .*( -0.%'( $"%( 5#'6 7%$1( 4-$( /$L,( $/2%( $*( +#5%( $"%( +-$-'%9 e%+*'%( )*-( =0*;( /$( )*-( "#&%( %#$%0 $**(2#0)(@#,$%'(%33,(#0.()*-'(+/0#8,

Research employment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

Increase your employability @278*)%',( &#8-%( /00*&#$/*0( #0. 5'%#$/&/$)( ;"%'%( 3'#.-#$%,( "#&%( .*0% ,*2%$"/03( 2%#0/03+-8( /0( $"%/'( ,7#'% $/2%9( <0/&%',/$)( /,0L$( #88( #4*-$( 7#'$)/03 #0.(,*5/#8/,/03(4-$(2#=/03(,-'%(;"%0 )*-(3'#.-#$%()*-(#'%(;*'=('%#.)9 !*'=( %A7%'/%05%( "%87,( ,$-.%0$,( $* *4$#/0( $"%( %A7%'/%05%( )*-( 0%%.( +*' )*-'( .'%#2( ?*49( M$( .%2*0,$'#$%,( .%./6 5#$/*0($*()*-'(5"*,%0(5#'%%'1(#,(;%88(#,

#'%(8**2/039( C#=%($/2%(*-$($*(,*'$($"'*-3"(;"#$ )*-( 0%%.1( $*( +-'$"%'( )*-'( 5"#05%,( *+ ,-'&/&#8( #+$%'( 3'#.-#$/*0( /0$*( $"% ;*'8.(*+(;*'=9 N*4,(d(Q*0%)("#&%(,-33%,$%.(+/&% $"/03,( ,$-.%0$,( ,"*-8.( #8;#),( 4% $"/0=/03( #4*-$9( @278*)%',( '%3-8#'8) ,8#2( ,$-.%0$,( +*'( 0*$( 4%/03( ;*'=6 '%#.)1(7'*&%($"%2(;'*03(#0.(4%(7'%6

7#'%.9( C"/0=(O9Q9U9H9C9 a-$( /$( $*( #0)( $#,=( )*-( ;/,"( $*( ,%$ )*-'(2/0.($*9(D/',$8)1($"/0=(*+($"%(,7%6 5/+/5( *4?%5$/&%( )*-( ;#0$( $*( #5"/%&%9 a8#0( "*;( $*( 2%#,-'%( )*-'( $#,=( #0. $"%(#2*-0$()*-(;#0$($*(.*9(Q#=%($"% 3*#8( '%#8/,$/51( 4-$( 0*$( $*( %#,)( *'( $** "#'.9( O%$( #( $/2%,5#8%1( ;"%0( .*( )*;#0$($*(5*278%$%()*-'($#'3%$,R(((

/27'*&/03( )*-'( ,=/88,( #0.( 2#=/03 &#8-#48%(5*0$#5$,9 :%$( #( 7#'$6$/2%( ?*4( ;"/5"( ,"*;, $"#$( )*-( 5#0( 5*22/$( $*( ,$-.)/03( #0. ;*'=/03( #$( $"%( ,#2%( $/2%9( M$( #8,* ,"*;,()*-(#'%(;/88/03($*(=%%7(-7.#$/03 )*-'(,=/88,(/0(%278*)2%0$9 N*/0( 58-4,( #0.( ,*5/%$/%,( ,*( $"#$( $"% 2*'%( #5$/&%( )*-( #'%( $"%( 2*'%( )*.%2*0,$'#$%( 5*22/$2%0$1( $%#2;*'=1 $/2%(2#0#3%2%0$1(5*22-0/5#$/*0(#0. *'3#0/,#$/*0#8(,=/88,9

2*,$(,$-.%0$,("#&%(#(+#/'(#2*-0$9(C"% *..(+%;(,%%2($*("#&%($"%/'(;*'=(-0.%' 5*0$'*8(;")(5#0L$()*-R( P'3#0/,/03( )*-'( $/2%( 5#0( 4%( 5"#86 8%03/03(S#'*-0.()*-'($;/5%6#6.#)(.*,% *+(I%/3"4*-',T(4-$(4#8#05/03()*-'(-0/6 &%',/$)(;*'=(#0.(,*5/#8(8/+%(5#0(4%0%+/$ )*-(/0($"%(8*03('-09( O$*7( 7'*5#,$/0#$/031( 8%#&%( 2-5=/03 #'*-0.(;/$"(+#5%4**=(#0.('%2*&%()*-' /0$%'0%$(5*00%5$/*0(,*($"#$()*-(5#0(3%$ *0(;/$"(,*2%(;*'=9(

:."6%6/";2$.-(2.-(9<%1)28)%=4;>-(9 2/"4(,%?-.5%72;)#"">%2(,%/)="8)%*"4/ -(.)/().%;"(();.-"( :%$( /0&*8&%.( ;/$"( )*-'( -0/&%',/$)9 D*'(%A#278%1("%87/03(*-$(#$(*7%0(.#), *'( ,$#0./03( *0( )*-'( ,$-.%0$( 5*-05/89 K*-(2#)(4%(#48%($*(-,%(,*2%*0%(#,(# '%+%'%%(;"*(;*-8.(3/&%()*-(#(/27'%,6 ,/&%('%+%'%05%(+*'(+-$-'%(%278*)%',9

Time to plan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

Get to know your careers service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

YZ[ZY\]J\Z\1( 5#'%%',^5#'./++9#59-= ;"/5"( /,( *7%0( \V_Y6G( Q*0.#)( $* D'/.#)9

Update your CV K*-'(FX /,(8/$%'#88)(#0(%A$%0,/*0(*+ )*-',%8+(;"%'%(#0(%278*)%'(;/88(?-.3% )*-( *0( $"%( +*88*;/03( B-%,$/*0,9( `*%, $"/,(5#0./.#$%(.%2*0,$'#$%(%&/.%05%(*+ $"%( ,=/88,( #0.( B-#8/$/%,( +*'( $"%( ?*4R `*%,($"/,(5#0./.#$%(,$#0.(*-$(/0(5*26 7#'/,*0($*(*$"%',R( a'%,%0$#$/*0(/,(%&%')$"/031(4-$(.*0L$ *&%'.*( /$1( =%%7( /$( ,/278%( )%$( /0+*'2#6 $/&%9( >%%7( )*-'( 7%',*0#8( .%$#/8,( ,%56 $/*0(4'/%+(#0.(2#=%(,-'%($"%(.%$#/8,(#'% #88(5*''%5$9(b%#&%(*-$()*-'(2#'/$#8(,$#6 $-,1( 3%0.%'( #0.( "%#8$"( ,$#$-,( -08%,, ,7%5/+/5#88)( 0%%.%.( +*'( $"%( ?*4( 7*,/6 $/*09

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cH%+%'%05%, #&#/8#48%(*0('%B-%,$9L F"%5=( *-$( N*4,( d( Q*0%)( /0( +*'$"6 5*2/03( ;%%=,( +*'( 2*'%( FX ;'/$/03 ,=/88,9

!"#$!"#$$ 37

JOBS & MONEY

FEBRUARY.05.2007 JOBS@!"#$!"#$$.COM

!"#$%&'((')*%+,,-*%./%0,12%.)3%10$2 $,"%*0,"+3%45%+,,-')(%6,7%.%8.7/9/':5 ;,4%/0'*%)51%$5.7 First Years:

New year, new job?

any students come to university thinking ‘I’ll leave the first term to settle in, then I’ll look for a job in the New Year’. If you are one of those people, you might be a bit daunted now that it is the New Year and it’s time to start looking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

1#3%4#1*9#)*9#&>#>)**7,)66#1*9#>1*7-.; 7*/= F%*'+# 4)# ()6+(7-+)9# 4$# +0)# 1()1 $%&'()# ,727*/# 7*=# I,+0%&/0# +0)()# 1() >,)*+$# %"# 3%46# 7*# 81+01$6:# J%1+0# 1*9 +0)# 87+$# 8)*+():# 81(97""# K1$# 1,6%# 016 51*$#41(6:#()6+1&(1*+6:#1*9#-%5>1*7)6: 1*9#7+'6#)16$#+%#/)+#+%#4$#+(17*#%(#4&6=#!" $%&#%<*#1#-1(:#9),72)($#3%46#>1$#<),, 1*9#012)#(),1+72),$#",)H74,)#0%&(6= C0)()#1()#3%46#1(%&*9L#$%&#3&6+#012) +%#.*%<#<0)()#+%#,%%.=#C0)#M*72)(67+$ N%460%># 016# 1927-)# 14%&+# /)++7*/ <%(.:# 1*9# 1,6%# %"")(6# 3%46# (1*/7*/ "(%5# >)(51*)*+:# +%# -16&1,:# +%# %*);%"" 3%46:#+%#6&7+#)2)($#+75)+14,)=

Second or penultimate Year: G%&',,#*))9#+%#<%(.#1#47+#01(9)(#+%<1(96#$%&(#9)/())#*%<#$%&'()#7*#+0)#6)-; %*9#$)1(#6%#+($#*%+#+%#<%(.#+%%#51*$#0%&(6=#!+'6#1#/%%9#79)1#+%#-%*679)( <%(.#+01+#-%&,9#)*01*-)#$%&(#"&+&()#)5>,%$147,7+$#%*-)#$%&#/(19&1+):#1*9 4$#+076#>%7*+:#+&+%(6#"(%5#$%&(#-%&(6)#<7,,#.*%<#$%&#1#47+#4)++)(=#C0)()"%(): 7+'6#<%(+0#0127*/#1#,%%.#7*+%#%>)*#91$6#7*#$%&(#9)>1(+5)*+:#16#+0)$#>1$ <),,#1*9#<7,,#,%%.#/%%9#%*#$%&(#8A=

Third or Final Year:

O427%&6,$#4$#*%<#$%&(#9)/())#60%&,9#4)#$%&(#517*#>(7%(7+$:#4&+#7"#$%&#6+7,, 012)#%(#<1*+#+%#<%(.:#,%%.#"%(#-16&1,#3%46:#<07-0#$%&#<%*'+#012)#+%#-%557+ +%#+%%#5&-0=#N%46#,7.)#,)1",)+7*/#1()#",)H74,)#1*9#)16$#+%#>7-.#&>#7"#$%&#012)#1 ")<#0%&(6#%*)#91$=#!"#$%&#1()#1>>,$7*/#"%(#/(19&1+)#3%46:#&6)#$%&(#+75)#+% ()6)1(-0#+0)#1()1#$%&'9#,7.)#+%#<%(.#7*:#1*9#-%5>1*7)6#$%&#1()#1>>,$7*/#"%(=

Money matters

>*=).G+>.)I*8<

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TELEVISION

FEBRUARY 05 - 11 2007 TELEVISION@!"#$!"#$$.COM

This Week’s Fonzies Among the Potsies: February 5 -11

Theroux-m It May Concern

Louis! Rizzo! The Fonz! Hot Teen Action! Coming On Your Screens

HOT

FA Premier L e a g u e Football Stickers. Primarily as a plot to keep me off the skag I’ve been sucked into the world of football stickers once again. However, the joys of having a wedge of swapsies thicker than my wallet is less exciting with nobody to swap with.

Soaps Coronation Street is quite clearly the best soap on the telly right now, and this week things get better still with Tracey and Steve finding their way back into each others’ arms. Magic. I’m personally hoping this won’t last too long ‘cause I’d like to see Stevey get with Kym from Hear’say, almost as much as I’m looking forward to Tracey inevitably having to put out for David Platt. I cannot imagine how hot his sex must be. Also, have you noticed the burgeoning numbers of female mechanics in soaps? Eastenders has that Carly girl (who this week goes mental with a spanner). Emmerdale has that Dingle kid with the fringe and Neighbours has Steph (obviously) and now Janae. Talking of her; this week Boyd admits he had a ‘fling’ with some drowning girl in Tasmania. Aces.

ost notably, this week sees the return to our screens of Louis Theroux. He’s been away for nigh on four years and in that time has written a book, which I would imagine I would like but well, I don’t have time for such trivial things as reading, especially since I got my freeview box to work. Theroux has signed a new BBC contract to make ten shows over the course of the next three years. The subject matter for the first of his new shows may seem a little dull, focussing on gambling. But not to worry, ‘cause Beeby Two knows what we like, and so is repeating his earlier ‘Weird Weekends’, starting with PORN, in which Louis attempts to, ahem, ‘enter’ the Adult Movie Industry. Brilliant (Sundays, BBC2). Only slightly less exciting is the promise of some hot teen sex action in H’oaks (Weekdays, 6.30pm, C4). Young Jean Paul (I know it’s spelt ‘John Paul’ but I’m trying to make it seem a bit romantic - what better way than by using a little French?) has been pining for Craig for ages now, and last week it became clearer still that Craig was coming round to the ways of the softly spoken insipid one. When Craig asked JP if he expected his kids to be a “demon on the decks like their old man” you could just tell that he meant to say he

Fudge Tunnel 96

NOT

Facebook. Now, naturally I like to spy on people as much (more) than the next man. My qualm with Facebook is that to see most people’s profiles you have to befriend them. Which means that person may think that you like them when really what you want to do is look at what an awful slag they are.

Film wanted him to be a demon on the depths of HIS old man. You know what I mean? I think you do. So this week JP gets all liquored up at the ‘school dance’ and busts a move on Craigy, infront of EVERYONE. Naturally as is SOAPLAW somebody’s on hand to take a photograph of this and flyer it all around school. I dunno why Craig’s complaining so much. If he is into da honeyz then he should be grateful, girls LOVE that gay shit. Another great comeback this week comes from Henry Winkler.

Now I’m pretty certain the only thing he’s done since Happy Days is The Water Boy. That’s one of the few films I’ve ever seen, so kudos for that Henry, but it’s good to have you back I guess. Not ONLY that, but Out Of Practice (Weekdays, 6.30pm, five) also has Betty Rizzo in it. No doubt Rizzo and the Fonz would make an awesome couple, but now we have them together and WITH KIDS and THEY’RE BOTH DOCTORS. Which could make things a bit dull, and I doubt we’ll get to see them shagging at the Drive Through Cinema, as we inevitably would have had they met in their youth. Imagine the kids! x x xxxxxx

Fonzie says: Hello. I still really don’t know about DVDs, so I’m not going to write about them. But what I do know, is that people LOVE quotes. So here is a quote from Happy Days, to celebrate the return to our screens of Henry Winkler. Sadly his new programme is a sitcom and not some expose on the sex trade so it’s probably going to be rubbish. Not to worry: “Wait a minute. I don't understand something here. I practise all week until I have to limp home and soak my feet. I spend 18 dollars and 50 cents on a monkey suit. Two nerds come along, lock me in my bathroom and start calling me names. Sherlock Holmes here chases me and starts yelling at me. Cunningham threatens me with physical violence, Shortcake kicks me in the leg and you all want to go

There’s a picture of Tommy Lee Jones in the TV guide infront of me, and it says it’s a still from Under Siege (Friday, 11.05pm, C4) but from the picture it really looks like Richard Lewis. I wish Richard Lewis had been in Under Siege, then I might watch it. This week I watched Moulin Rouge. It wasn’t on telly, but it was alright.

Sport This week’s big sport comes in the form of England v Spain (Wednesday, 7.30pm, 8:00pm). Last time these two sides met, if I remember correctly, I watched the match in Talybont Social and Rooney kicked Casillas or something. Those were the days. Rumour has it that Kieron Dyer is gonna be in the England squad. Shower of shite.

Radio

something, you're not going anywhere lady. THE FONZ WANTS TO

Oh the radio! Well, there’s not a lot I can think to write about the radio for this week, but over the Chrsitmas period I was very excited to listen to Zane Lowe’s experiment of getting mediocre ritish indie stars in to present his show whilst he was on holiday...and KELLY OSBOURNE!! Kelly, incidentally, is completely brilliant and probably produced the best set of the fortnight. Noticeably shite was the Kaiser Chiefs’ playlist, but at least they didn’t play their new single, hey? HEY! Radio--wise for this week, I dunno. You should listen to Huw Stephens’ show because that’s always decent and he’s a lovely, lovely man. And listen to people phone in to Five Live.

40 !"#$!"#$$

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FEBRUARY.05.2007 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

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C4 7.55pm

BBC2 10.00pm

ITV1 3.50am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Wanted Down Under 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm ChuckleVision 3:40pm What's New Scooby Doo? 4:00pm Raven 4:30pm Best of Friends 5:00pm MI High 5:30pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Junior Mastermind 7:30pm Trawlermen 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Panorama 9:00pm Waking the Dead 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm The Royle Family 11:05pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross 11:35pm The Trench 1:10am Sign Zone:Five Days 2:10am Sign Zone:The Truth About Food 3:10am Sign Zone:Planet Food 3:35am Sign Zone:Expedition Borneo 4:05am Joins BBC News 24 Welcome back sweetpeas, all at TV desk hope you had a nice peaceful holiday and exciting New Year and that you’re as pleased as punch to be back (unlike my New Year which didn’t even include a proper countdown or the singing of Auld Lang Syne-shit).

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Tom 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Even Stevens 7:50am Batfink 8:00am Suspect 8:30am CBeebies:Bob the Builder: Project Build It 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Ethelbert the Tiger 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Come Outside 10:00am Boogie Beebies 10:15am Toddworld 10:30am Big Slam Poetry 10:50am Around Scotland: Clearances 11:10am Maths Challenge 11:20am Maths Challenge 11:30am Shakespeare: The Animated Tales 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm What? Where? When? Why? 1:15pm Something Special 1:30pm Bowls: Welsh International Singles Championships 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Safari School 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large or indeed fat as Lloyd Grossman ate all the pies, and the puddings and the starters..... 7:00pm Grow Your Own Veg! 7:30pm Magnus Magnusson: A Tribute 8:00pm University Challenge 8:30pm An Island Parish 9:00pm Nuclear Secrets 10:00pm Trust Me I'm a Healer 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Bowls: Welsh International Singles Highlights 12:05am The Sun 1:05am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel:Suenos World

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:50am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:00pm This Morning: Dancing on Ice Special I didn’t think they could get much worse than Strictly bum prancing but it seems some crazy fucker on drugs who’s being paid far too much for their job came up with a pile of shit more foul and stinking than the last. I’m just holding out for ‘Reality TV: Injuries uncut’. Now that would make good TV, dull, past-theirprime celebrities breaking their limbs and cracking their heads open to stupid music. 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Daily Cooks 4:00pm Morse: 20 Years 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street don’t watch this watch bigbenders as this week we learn that Rob’s shagging Dawn with May’s permission, in order to ‘keep Dawn sweet’ according to ‘What’s On TV’. What a surprise. Oooh the scandal, lovely. 8:00pm Wales This Week 8:30pm Coronation Street 9:00pm Trial & Retribution 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Karaoke Queen 11:30pm Thinternet: Tonight 12:00am WAGs Boutique 1:30am ITV Play: The Mint 3:50am Dial A Mum 4:25am Dial A Mum 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 10:00am The Hustlers 10:30am The Market 11:00am Trouble Online 11:30am Tricky Business Two 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Ed 1:20pm Science Scams 1:30pm Good Morning, Miss Dove 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Mouthing Off - Tongue Tied 8:00pm Dispatches: At Home with the Terror Suspects 9:00pm Aged 12, and Looking after the Family 10:00pm ER 11:05pm Egomania 12:05am Live from Abbey Road 1:10am 4Play: Duke Special 1:20am Hostage Tapes: Day of the Sniper 2:20am Portrait of a Young Man Drowning 2:30am The Insider: The Muslim Hangover Cure 2:55am Dispatches: At Home with the Terror Suspects 3:45am Get the Picture 4:00am Cuentos Y Leyendas 4:15am Cuentos Y Leyendas 4:30am A Victorian Diary 4:45am The Blue Dragon 5:00am Design and Technology 5:15am Say What You Think 5:30am All About Us 5:45am Eureka! Roman Britain

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:35am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy or else he’ll put you in a house with a load of dull celebrities who appear to be unaware of the fact that millions of people are watching their every move and thus say shit that will destroy their career forever - twats. 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:35am Sailor Sid 8:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:35pm An Unfinished Affair 3:35pm While My Pretty One Sleeps I draw on his face and shave off half a head of hair. 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Megastructures 8:00pm Monster Moves 9:00pm Extraordinary People: Tourette's Rewired 10:00pm Prison Break 11:00pm Dark Secrets: Turned Out in Prison 12:00am Arrest and Trial 12:30am Arrest and Trial 1:00am USPGA Golf 1:50am Le Championnat French Football 2:40am Now Is the Time: Night of Combat - Kick Boxing 3:30am The X Games 4:20am Winter

7:00pm Dog Borstal 8:00pm The Baby Borrowers: Friends and Family 8:30pm Thieves Like Us 9:00pm Little Britain 9:30pm Comedy Specials: Bash 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Fat Men Can't Hunt. Why not? What if they had a very large horse? Like a shire horse for example? They can pull massive carts. If the fat man was too fat the horse could just drag him along on a sleigh type thing. However, this may cause difficulties when they reach a fence or a bush that the horse is meant to jump; the fat man could get off at this point and climb a sty or something... actually it would be quite difficult. 11:25pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:55pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:25am Comedy Specials: Bash 12:55am Thieves Like Us 1:20am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 1:50am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:20am Dog Borstal 3:20am The Indestructibles

7:00pm The Sky at Night 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Living with the Future 9:00pm The Great British Holiday 10:00pm Charlie Brooker's Screen Wipe 10:30pm Life on Mars 11:30pm The Great British Holiday 12:30am Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe 1:00am The Sky at Night 2:00am The Worst Job In British Politics? The Leader of the Opposition 3:00am The Great British Holiday Hey hey, don’t read this if you don’t want me to spoil your nightly enjoyment of watching dollyoaks, but according to ‘What’s On TV’ this week the tedious storyline involving John Paul’s gayness finally develops to what we’ve all been waiting for, John Paul kisses Craig at a school dance in front of Hannah, Sarah and the rest of the school. About bloody time I say, it’s time John Paul shared the love. The love-rectangle between the four was becoming too much to bare, I nearly stopped watching.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:50am Emmerdale 10:20am Emmerdale 10:50am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:35am Judge Judy 12:00pm Coronation Street 12:30pm Emmerdale 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Dancing on Ice 8:30pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 9:00pm Haunted Homes 10:00pm The Silence of the Lambs 12:20am Coronation Street 12:50am Coronation Street

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with the Ordinary Boys 8:00am Wake Up with the Ordinary Boys 8:30am Whatever... You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but... 2001 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Riding in Cars with Boys 11:25pm X-Rated: The TV They Tried to Ban 1:00am Riding in Cars with Boys 3:25am The War at Home 3:45am Desperate Housewives 4:30am Switched 4:50am Switched 5:10am Switched 5:35am Switched

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

(2034'/*5'671'.'8*"-*2 +$"-'.'/01

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!"#$!"#$$

TUESDAY

FEBRUARY.05.2007 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

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C4 11.05pm

five 6.30pm

BBC2 7.00pm

C4 11.00am

BBC2 9.30am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Wanted Down Under 10:00am Homes under the Hammer more homes are painstakingly destroyed with the use of a single hammer; it takes a long time.11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:ChuckleVision 3:40pm What's New Scooby-Doo? 4:00pm Raven 4:30pm SMart 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours wahey things are hotting up between Toadie and Steph this week, and we really didn’t see that coming. I swear it was only a week ago that Max went loopy and skidaddled on a bus to nowhere, what a slut. 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Watchdog 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Holby City 9:00pm New Tricks 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Hospital 11:05pm The Innocence Project 12:05am Steal - a thriller about robberies that go wrong with people in it I’ve never heard of, not that that means much. 1:40am Sign Zone:Five Days 2:40am Sign Zone:Ray Mears' Wild Food 3:40am Sign Zone:Expedition Borneo

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Tom 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Even Stevens 7:50am Batfink 8:00am Suspect 8:30am CBeebies:Bob the Builder: Project Build It 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do without ‘cocka’ this week 9:20am Ethelbert the Tiger 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Come Outside 10:00am Boogie Beebies 10:15am Toddworld 10:30am Primary History 10:50am Landmarks 11:10am Star Trek: The Next Generation 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Science Clips 1:10pm Bobinogs 1:20pm Thinking Skills 1:30pm Bowls: Welsh International Singles Championships 2:00pm am.pm 3:00pm Bowls: Welsh International Singles Championships 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Safari School - how to fight tigers and catch monkeys to make them be your friends. It’s easier than you think. 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm Jimmy's Diaries 7:30pm Match of the Day Wales 10:00pm The Children of Helen House 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Bowls: Welsh International Singles Highlights 12:05am Cricket - One-Day International 12:45am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am Revisewise at School: Maths 1 4:00am Revisewise at School: Maths 2

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women set a poor example to any young girls skiving off school today. They are an absolute mess and all they serve to do is to glamourise and naturalise divorce as if it occurred to them on a whim. The fact that they are all divorced and treat it like the best thing they have ever done is just sad, particularly as it is the topic of every conversation - they could take the subject of peeling potatoes and turn it to divorce. They are all sad, embittered women, with highly disturbing faces and shit guests on their show who mime dire songs and I think it is time we saw the back of them as they are continually puttting me off my lunch. So screw you. 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Daily Cooks 4:00pm Morse: 20 Years 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm The Ferret 8:00pm Fortune: Million Pound Giveaway 9:00pm You Don't Know You're Born 10:00pm Revenge TV 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm The BRITs Are Coming 11:30pm ITV at the Movies 12:00am ITV Play: The Mint 4:10am Redcoats 4:35am The Jules and Lulu Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 10:00am The Hustlers 10:30am The Market 11:00am Trouble Online 11:30am Tricky Business Two 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Ed 1:20pm Science Scams 1:30pm Three Came Home 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Mouthing Off - Scoring 8:00pm You Are What You Eat: Gillian Moves In 9:00pm Strictly Baby Ballroom 10:00pm Shameless 11:05pm Pyromania 12:10am Friday Night Project 1:10am My Name Is Earl 1:40am The War at Home 2:05am Best of the Worst 2:30am Humdrum 2:35am Bob and Margaret 3:00am Bob and Margaret 3:25am The Jamie Kennedy Experiment 3:50am Friday Night In 4:00am Cuentos Y Leyendas 4:15am Cuentos Y Leyendas 4:30am A Victorian Diary 4:45am Design and Technology 5:00am Design and Technology 5:15am Say What You Think 5:30am All About Us 5:45am Eureka! Roman Britain was full of people dressed in sheets.

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 the high five has been around as early as 1955 and ‘National high five Day’ occurs every third thursday in April every year. You learn something new everyday - don’t say I don’t inform you. 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:35am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots love eating jelly tots whilst sitting in flower pots. 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:35am Sailor Sid 8:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Bordertown Cafe 3:40pm Vinegar Hill 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Hidden Treasure Houses 8:00pm Frankenstein: The True Story Frankenstein’s monster is really Jade Goody in disguise.9:00pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:00pm CSI: Miami 11:00pm True CSI 12:00am The FBI Files 1:00am NBA Action 1:25am NBA Basketball 3:55am A1 Grand Prix 4:45am Race and Rally UK 5:05am World Supercross Grand Prix Championship

7:00pm New Dog Borstal 8:00pm Brand New Spendaholics I can state that I am definitely not a spendaholic, I am just too tight. I got excited the other day while considering a weekend in Dublin with my friend, but then decided this would cost money and that I didn’t have much so we decided against it. I then considered a trip to Brum with a visit to the sea life centre but decided against this also due to the money factor... there is a trend occurring here is there not? Soon I won’t be eating because it costs money, I may even stop buying wine and newspapers... this would not be good. I need to live a little. Donations are welcome. 9:00pm New Wedding Stories 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Thieves Like Us 10:55pm Family Guy 11:15pm Family Guy 11:40pm Man Stroke Woman 12:10am Fat Men Can't Hunt 1:10am New Dog Borstal 2:05am Brand New Spendaholics 3:05am Thieves Like Us

7:00pm Time Shift: Spy Stories 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Lead Balloon 9:00pm Knowing Me, Knowing You... with Alan Partridge 9:30pm The League of Gentlemen 10:00pm Cooking in the Danger Zone 10:30pm Life on Mars 11:30pm Creating Life on Mars 11:50pm The Cult of... Survivors 12:20am Lead Balloon 12:50am Living with the Future 1:20am Every Prime Minister Needs a Willie: Or How to Be a Deputy what if you’re a female prime minister? Huh? What about Margaret Thatcher? Actually, I take it back, she may have had one - we can’t be sure. But not all prime ministers have to have a willy, maybe if they didn’t they’d be a bit more sensible and stop starting wars and saying silly things. I don’t think Blair would like us castrating him to see though... pity. 2:20am Time Shift: Spy Stories 3:20am The Cult of... Survivors 3:50am Lead Balloon

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm American Idol 8:00pm American Idol 9:00pm WAGs Boutique 10:00pm Hannibal 12:35am Manhunter 2:50am ITV Play: The Mint 4:00am Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with... Simon Webbe 8:00am Wake Up with... Simon Webbe 8:30am Whatever... You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but... 2002 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm The OC 10:00pm Skins 11:05pm Shameless 12:05am Scrubs 12:40am Scrubs 1:05am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 1:55am Skins 2:55am The War at Home 3:15am No Angels 4:15am One Tree Hill 4:55am Switched 5:15am Switched

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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BBC1 2.35pm

BBC2 11.15am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Wanted Down Under 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:ChuckleVision 3:40pm What's New Scooby-Doo? 4:00pm Raven My good friend at home got the Interactive DVD game of this for Christmas. He’s 21. It was bloody good fun though... 4:30pm Best of Friends 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Holiday 2007 7:30pm Match of the Day Live 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm The National Lottery Draws 10:40pm Wales: Power and the People 11:10pm A Time to Kill 1:40am Sign Zone:Wild Caribbean 2:30am Sign Zone:Mission Africa 3:00am Sign Zone:Expedition Borneo 3:30am Joins BBC News 24 TV readers, it’s good to be back. Admittedly this is only my second attempt at writing for these hallowed pages but my absence from them has burned a fire within my soul. Or something. I hope you’ve all had a very merry Christmas and all that yadda yadda. Oh, and I like your new jumper, by the way.

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Tom 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Even Stevens 7:50am Batfink 8:00am Suspect 8:30am CBeebies:Bob the Builder: Project Build It 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Ethelbert the Tiger 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Come Outside 10:00am Boogie Beebies 10:15am Toddworld 10:30am Star Trek: The Next Generation 11:15am The Flying Gardener 11:30am 1:00pm Uncharted Territory 1:30pm Working Lunch 2:00pm Bowls: Welsh International Singles Championships 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Safari School 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm A New Year at Kew 7:30pm Grow Your Own Veg! 8:00pm Dragons' Den 9:00pm Party Animals 9:50pm The Verdict Preview 10:00pm Never Mind the Buzzcocks 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Bowls: Welsh International Singles Highlights 12:05am The Battle for British Art 1:05am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:Revisewise Challenge at School: Maths Why are all the educational shows at night? Is it not past bedtime. Or is it that, in fact, all the kids are on drugs now so that actually at this time they are whizzed off their tits and ready to learn? Discuss.

7:00pm New Dog Borstal 8:00pm New Wedding Stories 9:00pm Super-Slim Me: A Mischief Special 10:00pm The Breakfast Club 11:35pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:05am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:35am Super-Slim Me: A Mischief Special 1:30am New Wedding Stories 2:30am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps ... tell you what it is though, cos otherwise you will all go on it and then they will be taken down and I may cry. 2. Seven simple words have been distracting me this week: Pro Evo Six, Multi Tap (it is two words, ok?), Four Controllers. Crazy days. 3. Facebook, and I’m ashamed to say it - I didn’t have a myspace, I thought I was above all that nonsense. But oh no, it lured me in with its photos and friends and groups and events and ARGH. I am everything I used to hate... (....Facebook me!!)

7:00pm Planet Earth 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Cooking in the Danger Zone 9:00pm Medical Mavericks 10:00pm More Dawn French's Girls Who Do: Comedy 10:30pm Godless in America: Storyville 11:30pm Cooking in the Danger Zone 12:00am The Great British Holiday 1:00am Tired and Emotional 2:00am Godless in America: Storyville 3:00am Medical Mavericks I have got into a really bad habit of late that occurs at normally round about this time. Falling asleep in bed with my laptop. It’s a lovely way to drift off, I must say, but hearing nearly a grand’s worth of computing equipment crash to the ground is not a nice way to wake up. I must look after my things, I must look after my things, I must look after my things... On a completely unrelated note, go check out Stray Borders, at Clwb Ifor Bach on 10/2/07 with Future of the Left and Kill Kenada.

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

FEBRUARY.05.2007 TV@!"#$!"#$$.COM

E4 9.00pm

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6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Daily Cooks 4:00pm Midsomer Murders 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm Something's Gotta Give 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Something's Gotta Give 12:00am Harry Hill's TV Burp 12:25am ITV Play: The Mint 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show Jeremy Kyle, as some of you may know, recently featured in the Act One society’s alternative pantomime, Jack and His Giant Beanstalk. Did you see it? I thought it was quite good, myself. You did too? Well, then you’ll be pleased to know that there will be a DVD out soon. Oh yes. Then I can watch myself over and over and over again. Bring it on. (see myspace.com/climbmystalk for more info). 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News Here are a list of Worst Topics For Pub Conversation. A gift from me to you in order to help you not look like a plum in public: 1. How leading high street electrical outlets acquire the laptops they sell. 2. Anything, ANYTHING at all to do with a maths degree. 3. MY hair.

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 10:00am The Hustlers 10:30am The Market 11:00am Trouble Online 11:30am Tricky Business Two 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Ed 1:25pm Science Scams 1:35pm Danger Within 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Mouthing Off - Farewell Packets of Ten 8:00pm Relocation, Relocation 9:00pm Jamie's Chef 10:00pm Desperate Housewives 11:05pm Erotomania 12:05am Gumball 3000 12:40am Gumball 3000 1:10am Goalissimo! 2:10am Freesports on 4 2:35am Trans World Sport 3:25am Girl Racers 4:25am Thunder Races 5:25am Countdown ‘But TV John II’, I hear you cry, ‘if we can’t talk about laptops, maths, or you’re hair, what CAN we talk about in the pub?!’ Never fear, my children, how ‘bout you try these out for size: 1. The match. 2. The weather. 3. The opposite sex. 4. Your own sex. 5. Anything that isn’t maths or my hair.

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:35am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas; 8:35am Sailor Sid 8:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Hard to Forget 3:40pm The Hound of the Baskervilles 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Great Ocean Adventures: The Thresher Shark 8:00pm So You Think You Can Nurse? 9:00pm What's Eating Victoria Beckham? 10:00pm Replicant 12:00am PartyPoker.com European Open III 1:30am NHL Ice Hockey 4:05am Boxing: Fight of the Week 5:10am Rolex Grand Am. As I am finding these lists a quite effective and efficient means of filling up space, I will continue.... How about things that are distracting my attention at the moment: 1. Watching episodes of television shows on the internet. I’ve found this wicked site, yeah - it’s all bangin and poppin and all that jazz. Ain’t gonna...

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice From Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm Nanny 911 9:00pm Al Murray's Happy Hour 10:00pm Coronation Street 10:30pm Manhunter 12:50am Comedy Cuts 1:20am ITV Play: The Mint 4:00am Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with... Leonardo DiCaprio 8:00am Wake Up with... Leonardo DiCaprio 8:30am Whatever... You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but 2003 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Ugly Betty 10:00pm High School Dance 11:00pm Desperate Housewives 12:00am Scrubs 12:30am Scrubs 12:55am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 1:45am High School Dance 2:45am The War at Home 3:05am Desperate Housewives 3:50am One Tree Hill

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am 3 Minute Wonder: Mouthing Off - Tongue Tied 9:00am Ysgolion (Schools) (9.30-12.00):Tricky Business Two 9:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 10:00am The Hustlers 10:30am The Market 11:00am Trouble Online 11:30am Bobinogi 11:45am Bobinogi 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Cegin Twts 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Caio 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Bobinogi 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm You Are What You Eat: Gillian Moves In 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Tair Slic 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Stwffio 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Rownd a Rownd 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion

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6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Wanted Down Under 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:ChuckleVision 3:40pm What's New Scooby Doo? 4:00pm Raven 4:30pm SMart 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Street Doctor 7:30pm EastEnders So quite a lot has happened in Eastenders since before Christmas. I won’t go into detail but I did watch it a hell of a lot and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed it. Loads of other stuff has happened in real life. I went home for the holidays and ate Christmas dinner and sat around and then I wrote some essays. 8:00pm Waterloo Road 9:00pm Crimewatch 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Dragon's Eye 11:05pm Question Time 12:05am Crimewatch Update 12:15am This Week 1:05am Sign Zone:When Love Comes to Town 1:35am Sign Zone:Super Vets 2:05am Sign Zone:The Children of Helen House 2:35am Sign Zone:Expedition Borneo 3:05am Joins BBC News 24

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Tom 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Even Stevens 7:50am Batfink 8:00am Suspect 8:30am CBeebies:Bob the Builder: Project Build It 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Ethelbert the Tiger 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Come Outside 10:00am Boogie Beebies 10:15am Toddworld 10:30am Look and Read: Spywatch 10:50am Words and Pictures 11:00am English Express 11:20am English Express 11:40am Primary Geography 11:50am Focus 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Uncharted Territory 1:30pm Bowls: Welsh International Singles Championships 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Safari School 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm Bill Oddie Back in the USA 7:30pm Dr Alice Roberts: Don't Die Young Definitely watch this if you don’t want to die young. What advice will Dr Alice give us? Don’t play with guns? 8:00pm Did They Pay Off Their Mortgage in Two Years? 9:00pm The Truth About Food 10:00pm Mock the Week 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Bowls: Welsh International Open Highlights 12:05am Alchemists of Sound 1:05am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:Expressive Arts: The Art 4:00am Expressive Arts

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Daily Cooks 4:00pm Midsomer Murders 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Fishlock's Wild Tracks 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm Bonkers 10:00pm Benidorm I haven’t been to Benidorm but I imagine it’d be pretty nasty. I might be wrong but isn’t it an 18-30s resort? I went on a’lads’ holiday’ once. We went to Tenerife after ALevels. It was alright. Can you believe that I didn’t drink one drop of alcohol. Not that I think it’s big and clever to drink, but if I went there now I’d have to get drunk just so I could attempt to deal with the cunts who were there. It was pretty awful looking back, the clubs were terrible and the people were worse. The best bit was our hotel. I quite enjoyed that. I haven’t been abroad since then. Who needs to go abroad when you’ve got Cardiff? I don’t, its quite a mild day and if it was hotter I’d be moaning. 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Call Up 11:30pm Waterfront 12:00am Unsigned 12:30am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am Make Me Perfect 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 10:00am The Hustlers 10:30am The Market 11:00am Trouble Online 11:30am My Crazy Life 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Ed 1:25pm Science Scams 1:35pm Angels One Five 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Mouthing Off - Contagious A five (three?) minute programme about the diseases which can be caught by administering oral sex on strangers. I’m intrigued because I don’t think I could give a stranger oral, whether it’s a male or female, unless they offered me a tidy sum of money. Maybe £20? Is that too little? £50? Is that too much? Fuck, naming your price is difficult, I best hit the streets and do some ‘market research’. I don’t want to catch any diseases though, this is just a vicious circle. 8:00pm 10 Years Younger 9:00pm Child Genius 10:30pm The Enforcer 12:15am Black Widow 2:10am A Swinging Murder 3:10am Perfect 3:20am Aged 12, and Looking after the Family 4:20am Help Me Help My Child 5:20am Countdown

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:35am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:35am Sailor Sid 8:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm The Secret War of Jackie's Girls 3:35pm OSS 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Animal Attraction: Macho Males Rubber Duck or Fun Factory gives us a great insight into the Macho prick Males. I saw some dick having a go at someone in the toilet because they had skinny jeans on. Needless to say he was wearing a shirt and shoes in Fun Factory. Oh and he admitted to playing American Football. So dickface, if you can read, read this: you should probably sort your life out. 8:00pm Pushy Parents 9:00pm Build a New Life in the Country 10:00pm Criminal Minds 11:00pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12:00am John Barnes' Football Night 1:00am Quiz Call 4:00am Dutch Football 5:35am Motorsport Mundial

7:00pm New Dog Borstal 8:00pm The Baby Borrowers 9:00pm Teens Hooked on Porn 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Man Stroke Woman 11:00pm Comedy Shuffle 11:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:30am Teens Hooked on Porn 1:25am Man Stroke Woman 1:55am Comedy Shuffle 2:25am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:55am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:20am The Indestructibles No, I don't really want to die, I only want to die in your eyes. I'm still here below the chandelier, where they always used to read us our rights. I want to wander through the night, as a figure in the distance even to my own eye. Have you ever rented a room? Have you ever even rented a room? An anchor lets you see the river move, but now that your evil dreams came true, there on your face...

7:00pm Sounds of the Sixties 7:10pm The Avengers 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Marcus Brigstocke's Trophy People 9:00pm Soul Brittania on Later... 10:00pm The Secret Life of Mrs Beeton 11:25pm Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe 11:55pm Soul Britannia 12:55am Marcus Brigstocke's Trophy People 1:25am Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe 1:55am Gay MPs: Pride and Prejudice in Politics 2:45am The Secret Life of Mrs Beeton A row of teeth he'll come to replace. I know you laughed when I left but you really only hurt yourself. When you see your curtains move in the wind you can bet I'm betting against you again. 'Cause I'm a man who has a wife who has a mother, who married one but she loved another. You're a tower without the bells, you're a negative wishing well. I should have checked the stable door for the name of the sire and dam.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm WAGs Boutique 9:00pm Kelly Osbourne: Turning Japanese 10:00pm Supernatural 11:00pm Comedy Cuts 11:30pm Entourage 12:05am The Office: An American Workplace

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with Al Murray 8:00am Wake Up with Al Murray 8:30am Whatever... You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but 2004 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm ER 10:00pm Skins 11:00pm X-Rated 12:05am Scrubs 12:35am Scrubs 1:05am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 1:55am Skins 2:55am The War at Home 3:15am No Angels 4:15am One Tree Hill 4:55am Switched 5:15am Switched 5:35am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am 3 Minute Wonder: Mouthing Off - Scoring 9:00am Ysgolion (Schools) (9.30-12.00):Tricky Business Two 9:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 10:00am The Hustlers 10:30am The Market 11:00am Trouble Online 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Cegin Twts 12:45pm Pingu 12:50pm Tomos A'i Ffrindiau 1:00pm Meees! 1:15pm Science Scams 1:25pm Time Team 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Martin Mellten 4:30pm Y Fet a Fi 4:50pm Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Stwffio 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Gwragedd Rygbi 9:00pm Pawb a'i Farn 10:00pm Jamie's Chef 11:00pm Shameless 12:00am Strictly Baby

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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BBC1 6.00am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Wanted Down Under 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Car Booty 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:ChuckleVision 3:40pm What's New Scooby Doo? 4:00pm Raven 4:30pm Best of Friends 5:00pm Gina's Laughing Gear 5:30pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm A Question of Sport 7:30pm X-Ray So I finished this page and once again it of course deleted itself for no reason at all. I know you’re meant to save as you go but this is absolutely ridculous the amount of times my pages have deleted themselves or have gone missing. Especially as I have missed a lecture to do this so I can judge and help out with the LMS battle of the bands competition. I did not have an hour and a half to waste, which I have just done. I really really really feel a lot of anger right now. So this page will be full of rage and no mention of midgets. 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm After You've Gone 9:00pm Lilies 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Comedy Connections 11:15pm Unlawful Entry 1:10am Joins BBC News 24

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Tom 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Even Stevens 7:50am Batfink 8:00am Suspect 8:30am CBeebies:Bob the Builder: Project Build It 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Ethelbert the Tiger 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Come Outside 10:00am Boogie Beebies 10:15am Jackanory Junior 10:30am Razzledazzle 10:50am Words and Pictures 11:00am Watch 11:20am BBC Active Citizenship 11:40am Around Scotland 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:30pm Bowls: Welsh International Singles Championships 5:15pm Weakest Link I am meant to be in Youth and Media this week, my very first lecture, new start and that. Instead I am here having my work implode on itself. I hope your christmas sucked. Like sour smarties. 6:00pm Safari School 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm Coming To Your Screen: Microsoft's New Vista 7:30pm Jimmy's Diaries 8:00pm A New Year at Kew 8:30pm Grow Your Own Veg! 9:00pm The Last Duel 9:50pm Coast: East Coast - The Wash 10:00pm Room 101 10:30pm Newsnight 11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm Bowls: Welsh International Open Highlights 12:25am Cricket - One-Day International

7:00pm Doctor Who Confidential I think perhaps I hate this computer so much I may go and find Mr Mac and force him to write a 20,000 word essay on the thimble and then delete it. Then perhaps force him to put his cock in the cd drive and close it. Maybe that would be too far, and I would end up perhaps in jail but I think it it well deserved. 7:30pm Doctor Who 8:15pm Doctor Who 9:00pm Little Britain 9:30pm Man Stroke Woman 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:30pm Pulling as lightly as me finishing these pages before eight. Which is very unlikely. 12:25am Family Guy 12:45am Family Guy 1:10am Man Stroke Woman 1:40am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:10am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:40am Brand New Spendaholics

7:00pm Medical Mavericks 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Tchaikovsky: Masterclasses with the Royal Ballet Ballet was my favourite childhood phase, along with horseriding, drama club, playing the flute and the piano. The one thing they have in common is the fact that I completely sucked and failed miserably at all of them. Not before I got a flute, piano and horse. Not really. I never got a flute. 9:00pm Soul Britannia 10:00pm Marcus Brigstocke's Trophy People 10:30pm Paul Merton's Silent Clowns 11:30pm The Avengers 12:20am Soul Britannia 1:20am Tchaikovsky: Masterclasses with the Royal Ballet 1.50am Paul Merton's Silent Clowns 2:50am Soul Britannia Some more tips about travelling in Wales. Apparently in Swansea there is also a castle. There is a bloody castle in every single part of Wales. You love the castles. Perhaps too much.

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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BBC1 6.00am

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:00pm This Morning: Dancing on Ice Special 12:30pm Loose Women Everyone is debating about Jade Goody, but who cares? I think the more attention we pay her the more likely it is she will be hanging around saying stupid things. How about we stop feeding her fame by completely ignoring her and hope that some freak yachting accident causes her to loose the ability to actually talk, and she then goes to live in a cave in outer Mongolia. 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Daily Cooks 4:00pm Midsomer Murders 6:00pm Wales Tonight God I’m hungry, I want some sushi, and some noodles and perhaps some kind of genie who does all my work for me, tidies my room and makes sure I always have filters for my fags. It’s important to have all your smoking accesories around you at all times, and I quite often leave the house without a lighter, rizlas or tobacco. 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Tonight with Trevor McDonald 8:30pm A Touch of Frost 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Fit for a Change 11:30pm Never to be Forgotten 12:05am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am 60 Minute Makeover

6:05am Making It 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 10:00am The Hustlers 10:30am The Market 11:00am Trouble Online 11:30am My Crazy Life 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Ed 1:25pm Science Scams 1:35pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:45pm Night Train to Munich 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:35pm The Insider: Size Zero - Who is to Blame? I personally blame Jade Goody for size zero, as well as racial tension and the fact that Lucky Charms no longer exist. Stupid bitch. 8:00pm A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 9:00pm Ugly Betty Addicitve really, like crack but less moreish. I hope Betty ends up with that fit guy from the third floor rather then Walter “I look like a 13 year old boy”. I personally think Betty will end up with her boss. 10:00pm Friday Night Project 11:00pm Under Siege 1:00am 4 Music:The Album Chart Show: The Brits Special 1:30am 4 Music:JD Set 1:50am Shin Gi Tai 1:55am 3 Minute Wonder 2:00am The Hi-Lo Country 3:55am Truel 4:10am Help Me Help My Child 5:10am Toby the Square Boy 5:15am Countdown

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:35am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:35am Sailor Sid 8:40am Roobarb and Custard Too 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm A Stranger to Love 3:20pm five news update 3:25pm Though None Go with Me 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Wild Events 8:00pm Nick Baker's Weird Creatures I have always wondered what it would be like to have a small penguin, which you could fit in your bag, not like a baby penguin but one maybe full of growth-stunting hormones. Everyone knows that small things are cuter. Apart from penises obviously. 9:00pm NCIS 10:00pm Law and Order: Criminal Intent 11:00pm Banged Up Abroad 12:00am Prison Break 1:00am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS Did you know Kidwelly is a sleeply little town dominated by a imposing castle. There is also an industrial museum, and on thursdays a parade of nuns come out and mud wrestle. Perhaps a lie.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm The New Adventures of Superman 8:00pm ITV at the Movies 8:30pm American Idol 9:30pm American Idol 10:30pm Haunted Homes 11:30pm Coronation Street 12:00am Trinny and Susannah Undress 1:00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:00am Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:30am Wake Up with Joshua Jackson 8:00am Wake Up with Joshua Jackson 8:30am Whatever... You Want 9:00am Whatever... You Want 10:00am Whatever... You Want 11:00am Nothing but 2005 12:00pm E4 Music: Uninterrupted 1:00pm Freshly Squeezed Extra 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:35pm Friends 6:05pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm My Name Is Earl 9:30pm Peep Show 10:00pm Jeepers Creepers 11:50pm Scrubs 12:20am Scrubs 12:45am Peep Show 1:20am Jeepers Creepers 3:00am Desperate Housewives 3:40am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:40am Switched 5:25am Switched

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BBC1 8.35pm

BBC2 7.30pm

ITV1 8.45pm

Channel 4 3.20am

five 11.25pm

6:00am Breakfast 10:00am Saturday Kitchen 11:30am Bill's Food 12:00pm BBC News; Weather 12:10pm Football Focus 1:00pm Six Nations Rugby 5:25pm Final Score 5:40pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5:55pm When Will I Be Famous? 7:15pm Shrek 8:35pm Casualty I feel like a fucking casualty. I’m starving. I’ve only eaten a bacon sandwich today and that was about 6 hours ago. Oh no, I also had a packet of ready salted crisps. I think I might get a Subway on the way home. I’m getting addicted to them. Last week I had 2 Macdonalds’, 1 KFC, 1 Burger King, several portions of chips and 2 Subways. That’s probably the worst I’ve eaten for about two years. In first year we lived pretty much next to Maccies by big Tesco and we had vouchers so we had a Macdonalds everyday for about 2 weeks. We weren’t satiated by one meal, oh no, we got TWO meals. Each. Yeah you heard. We were like the fucking MacDaddies. This week I’ve tried to eat healthily. Yesterday I might have had 5 portions of veg for the first time ever. I do like vegetables, but it’s easier to buy some chips or a baguette as I’m sure you will agree. It’s more expensive, but I can’t afford to spend time cooking. 9:25pm The National Lottery: 1 vs 100 10:10pm BBC News; Weather 10:30pm Match of the Day 11:50pm The Replacement Killers

6:00am CBeebies:Balamory 6:20am Tweenies 6:40am Big Cook Little Cook 7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:10am Pinky and the Brain 7:30am Yvon of the Yukon 7:50am BB3B 8:15am Zombie Hotel 8:40am What's New Scooby-Doo? 9:00am CBBC:Tracy Beaker's the Movie of Me 10:15am CBBC's Big Red Nose 11:45am Sportsround 12:00pm See Hear 12:45pm The Sky at Night It’s good that this is on just after midday. Look out your window and it’ll be nice and light which makes it easy to look at stars and recognise the shapes. It’s hard enough to do that at night, they all look the fucking same to me. 1:25pm Coast: Cuttlefish and Pompey 1:35pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross 2:05pm Churchill's Bodyguard Was a wuss. 2:50pm Monk 3:35pm Sands of the Kalahari 5:25pm What the Papers Say 5:35pm TOTP 2 6:10pm Outtake TV 6:40pm Meerkat Manor 7:05pm Meerkat Manor Twice in a row? Aren’t we the lucky ones? 7:30pm The Culture Show Culture Schmulture. Give me fish and chips and shut the fuck up. 8:20pm Wild Caribbean 9:10pm Dragons' Den 10:10pm Comedy Map of Britain 11:10pm Never Mind the Buzzcocks 11:40pm Mock the Week 12:10am Room 101 12:40am Have I Got Old News for You 1:10am The Culture Show 2:00am Langrishe Go Down

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:20am Pocoyo 6:35am Dora the Explorer 6:55am Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 7:25am Lilo and Stitch 7:50am SpongeBob SquarePants 8:10am Emperor's New School 8:35am Kim Possible 9:10am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am CITV:Horrid Henry 9:40am CITV:Grizzly Tales For Gruesome Kids 9:50am CITV:Tricky Quickies 9:55am CITV:Scratch 'n' Sniff's Den Of Doom 10:25am CITV:Tricky Quickies 10:30am Dickinson's Real Deal 11:30am Saturday Cooks Live 1:00pm ITV News; Weather 1:05pm ITV Wales News and Weather 1:10pm The BRITs Are Coming 1:40pm American Idol 2:40pm Murder on the Orient Express 4:55pm ITV Wales News and Weather 5:10pm ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5:25pm New You've Been Framed! 5:55pm Harry Hill's TV Burp 6:25pm Dancing on Ice 7:45pm Primeval 8:45pm PokerFace 9:45pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 10:15pm Al Murray's Happy Hour If only this was Bill Murray; anything with Bill Murray in is bound to be quality and that is a scientific fact. If you don’t believe me you should watch Ghostbusters. 11:15pm ITV News; Weather 11:30pm City Slickers 1:30am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:25am Don't Move, Improve 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am T4:Homemade 9:30am T4:Goal 2: T4 Movie Special 10:00am T4:Friends 10:30am T4:Popworld 11:20am T4:Friends 11:50am T4:Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:20pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands Cool! Shipwrecked is on. Last summer me and Haz got addicted to this. We watched it every morning with our breakfast. Them were the days. 1:25pm T4:Homemade 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing from Newbury and Warwick 4:20pm Location, Location, Location 4:50pm Deal or No Deal 5:35pm The Search 6:40pm Channel 4 News 7:10pm The Channel 4 Political Awards 2007 8:10pm Britain's Worst Weather Rain? Wind? Yeah? Yeah. What else do we get? Ooh there was a tornado in London. Well there wasn’t an earthquake in Winsford, that would have livened things up a bit wouldn’t it. Let’s face it, our ‘worst weather’ pales in comparison to the weather pretty much anywhere else in the world. Thank God. Last night I learnt it’s warm here cos of the North Atlantic Drift. I didn’t listen in geography. 9:10pm The Gift 11:15pm 8mm 1:35am Drugstore Cowboy 3:20am It's All about Love 5:10am The Invasion 5:25am Countdown

6:00am Sunrise 6:55am Franklin 7:25am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:15am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs That must be a big bucket Harry’s got himself there. If I had a bucket that big I don’t know what I’d do with it. A hole in that bucket would certainly cause some problems. What would you mend it with? Corrugated iron? 8:30am Gerald McBoing Boing 9:05am Jane and the Dragon 9:35am Don't Blame the Koalas 10:05am Hercules: Legendary Journeys 11:05am Xcalibur 11:40am Built for the Kill 12:10pm The Kid from Texas 1:35pm Columbo: The Greenhouse Jungle 3:10pm Camelot 6:25pm Guns of the Magnificent Seven 8:20pm five news and sport 8:30pm NCIS 9:25pm CSI:NY 10:25pm Law and Order 11:25pm Any Given Sunday 2:20am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS He almost walked into a wall. Oh man, she was a sight to see. And at the party down the hall, he said, "you are the highest apple in the tree". Out the window, in the harbour he saw a little ship. The moon was worn just slightly on the right. And they slow danced so the needle wouldn't skip, until the room was filled with light. And I remember you, and I remember me. The sunshine walking inside you, And the man you could see in me.

7:00pm Top Gear 8:00pm The Real Hustle 8:30pm The Real Hustle 9:00pm Little Britain 9:30pm Beverly Hills Cop II 11:05pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:35pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:05am Thieves Like Us 12:35am Comedy Specials: Bash 1:05am Comedy Shuffle 1:35am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:05am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:35am The Real Hustle 3:05am The Real Hustle So I remember me, and I remember you. So many beautiful days in a row now, and the nights were perfect too. Hand in hand down a waterslide in Chattanooga. They did not hide from love you see. A winter's plane flight to Aruba, where he threw a boombox into the sea. One day they were cutting flowers for something to do, on the bank of the road 'neath the cotton woods. And he turned to her to ask if she'd marry him...

7:00pm Tchaikovsky: Queen of Spades 9:50pm The Man Who Copied 11:50pm Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe 12:20am Soul Brittania on Later... 1:20am Soul Britannia 2:20am Discovering Tchaikovsky 3:20am Discovering Tchaikovsky ... When a runaway truck hit him where he stood. And I remember me, and I remember me. A blackhawk nailed to the sky and the tape is from the trees. Everybody said she needed to move on, that he was all but lost, so deep was his coma. When he finally came to the girl he loved was long gone, she'd married a banker and gone to Oklahoma. He bought a little land with the money from the settlement, and even bought the truck that had hit him that day. He touched the part where the metal was bent, and if you were there you wouldn't hear him say, I remember her, and I remember him, I remember them.

6:00am Ni Ni's Treehouse 7:20am MacDonald's Farm 8:25am Mags and Mo 8:30am Bug Alert! 8:50am The Wheels on the Bus 9:00am Teleshopping 9:25am Emmerdale Omnibus 12:10pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2:35pm Holiday Showdown 3:40pm Nanny 911 4:35pm Planet's Funniest Animals 5:00pm Movies Now 5:10pm ITV at the Movies 5:45pm The New Adventures of Superman 6:45pm The New Adventures of Superman 7:45pm Nanny 911 8:45pm Dancing on Ice: Defrosted 9:45pm Harry Hill's TV Burp 10:15pm Dancing on Ice: Defrosted Results 10:45pm The Mummy 1:10am Dancing on Ice 2:30am Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 3:00am Dancing on Ice: Defrosted Results 3:30am ITV Play: Make Your Play 3:40am Emmerdale Omnibus

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:00am E4 Music's A List 9:00am Our Showbiz Mates 10:00am Westlife's Ultimate Love Songs 11:00am Westlife's Ultimate Love Songs 12:00pm Westlife's Ultimate Love Songs 1:00pm Westlife's Ultimate Love Songs 2:00pm The Album Chart Show: The Brits Special 2:30pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm The Simple Life: Interns 6:25pm Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 6:55pm Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm The 100 Greatest Tearjerkers 1:10am X-Rated: The Sex Films They Tried to Ban 2:40am Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 3:05am Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 4:05am The Simple Life: Interns 4:25am Switched 4:45am Switched 5:10am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am Homemade 9:20am Friends 9:50am Dreamgirls: T4 Movie Special 10:20am Goal 2: T4 Movie Special 10:50am Friends 11:20am Friends 11:45am Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:15pm The OC 1:10pm Beauty and the Geek 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing from Newbury and Warwick 3:00pm Y Clwb Rygbi Rhyngwladol: Pencampwriaeth y Chwe Gwlad 2007 5:40pm Deal or No Deal 6:25pm Location, Location, Location 6:55pm Newyddion a Chwaraeon 7:10pm Y Clwb Pel-Droed 7:45pm Hwyl y Noson Lawen 8:15pm Codi Canu 9:00pm Tywysogion 10:00pm The Wedding Planner 11:55pm Under Siege 1:45am The Channel 4 Political Awards 2007 2:40am A Swinging Murder 3:35am KOTV I remember then, I'm just remembering, I'm just remembering, I'm just remembering.

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6:00am Breakfast 7:35am Match of the Day 9:00am Sunday AM 10:00am Heaven and Earth with Gloria Hunniford 11:00am Countryfile 12:00pm The Politics Show 1:05pm EastEnders 2:25pm Six Nations Rugby 5:00pm EastEnders 5:30pm Wildlife on One 5:40pm Songs of Praise 6:15pm When Love Comes to Town 6:45pm Antiques Roadshow 7:35pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 8:00pm Rough Diamond 9:00pm The Orange British Academy Film Awards 2007 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:20pm The Orange British Academy Film Awards 2007 I will now inform you of who is nominated and who I personally feel will win the Oscars, because my opinion is incredibly relevant. First up Best Picture. Babel (a film with four different stories in, three of them rubbish and boring. This is the kind of film which wants to tug your heart strings instead it makes you silently wish for the main characters to die. In pain. ) The Queen, Little Miss Sunshine, The Departed and Letters from Iwa Juma. I havent seen the rest, but The Queen is a British film so go on, it can win.11:20pm The Hawk 12:50am Sign Zone:Can Gerry Robinson Fix the NHS? 1:50am Sign Zone:Holby City 2:50am Sign Zone:Wanted Down Under 3:35am Joins BBC News 24 Next up, best actor, the nominees are Leo, Ryan Gosling in something

6:00am CBeebies:Balamory 6:20am Tweenies 6:40am Big Cook Little Cook 7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:10am The Batman 7:30am Smile 10:00am Something for the Weekend 11:30am A Diagnosis of Murder 1:00pm Athletics 3:00pm White Fang 4:55pm Ski Sunday 5:15pm As BBC2 5:30pm Scrum V 5:45pm Wild Florida 6:10pm Showdown in Elk Town 6:20pm Natural World 7:10pm Meerkat Manor 7:35pm Meerkat Manor 8:00pm Top Gear 9:00pm The Verdict 10:00pm As BBC2 2:35am The Fiend Helen Mirren will win anyway. However Kate Winslet has been nominated about a thousand times and perhaps deserves something. Like a Woolworths voucher. Or a hug from a very fat man. I personally feel Pan’s Lab should have been nominated for more, I have only shortened that name because I can’t spell the entire word. One day I will learn how to spell hard words but for now, I have more pressing things to concentrate on. For example I got an ipod for xmas and it has been demanding a lot of my time. It is both a triumph and a let down, the triumph being the fact I enjoy walking places now, and I can laugh myself to sleep listening to Blackadder on audiobook. The let down is that it wont let me “borrow” music from other computers and the headphones died on the second day.

6:00am The Sunday Programme 7:25am House of Mouse 7:50am Totally Spies! 8:15am Yin Yang Yo! 8:30am Oban 9:10am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am CITV:Horrid Henry 9:35am CITV:Feodor 9:45am CITV:Curious George This week my flatmates George is curious about his choud. 9:55am CITV:Pocoyo 10:05am CITV:Jim Jam and Sunny 10:20am CITV:Jim Jam and Sunny 10:30am Soccer Sunday 11:30am The Sunday Edition with Andrew Rawnsley and Andrea Catherwood 12:30pm ITV Wales News and Weather 12:35pm The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 1:40pm American Idol 2:40pm Dancing on Ice 4:00pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 4:30pm Primeval 5:30pm 12 Books That Changed the World Hmmm just a mad stab in the dark but is one of them the Bible? How fucking predictable. TV Neil feels that the FHM joke book, which currently resides in his toilet is a life changing read which has a joke for every occasion, yes even funerals. 6:30pm ITV Wales News and Weather 6:45pm ITV News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wild at Heart 9:00pm Foyle's War 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 10:45pm The South Bank Show 11:45pm The Moral of the Story 12:15am Cathedral 1:05am ITV Play: The Mint 4:05am Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Trans World Sport 8:00am Bauhaus World Bobsleigh Championships 2007 8:30am Freesports on 4 9:00am T4:Popworld 9:50am T4:Friends 10:15am T4:Hollyoaks 12:45pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries Can we please have some fat women in this? 1:20pm T4:Friends 1:50pm T4:Beauty and the Geek 2:50pm T4:The OC 3:50pm T4:Ugly Betty 4:50pm Deal or No Deal 5:35pm Time Team 6:35pm Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 7:40pm Channel 4 News 8:00pm The Day after Tomorrow Right, fast forward this to the parts where Jake is in it, watch that, perhaps pause it and lick the TV screen then turn it off, go upstairs, light some scented candles and make gentle love to yourself. 10:20pm Sexy Beast 11:55pm 4 Music:Coldplay: Live in Concert 1:00am 4Music Presents... 1:30am 4 Music:Download Festival Headliners this year include Pearl Jam, Linkin Park and of course My Chemical Romance who I am seeing in concert soon. I am not ashamed. They rhyme good. 2006 2:30am 4 Music:The Album Chart Show: The Brits Special 2:55am One Minute Past Midnight is when the ghosts come out apparently.3:10am The Perfect Home 5:10am My Eden 5:15am Home Sweet Home 5:25am Countdown

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Sailor Sid 6:40am Bird Bath 6:50am Franklin 7:15am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:15am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:30am Gerald McBoing Boing 9:00am Jane and the Dragon 9:30am What Makes Me Happy 9:45am Demolition Dad 10:00am Round the Twist 10:30am Hospital 11:00am Snobs 11:35am RAD: The Groms Tour the Baltics 12:05pm Arthur's Trip to India 12:35pm Revelations 1:05pm five news update 1:10pm Divine Designs 1:45pm Nigel Marven's Creepy Crawlies 2:50pm Columbo: The ByeBye Sky High IQ Murder Case 4:25pm The Gypsy Warriors 5:55pm five news and sport 6:10pm Jumanji 8:00pm Cocktail 10:00pm Tequila Sunrise 1 2:15am Disorderly Conduct 1:15am Natural Born Racers 1:45am The Raid 2:10am Rolex Grand Am 3:00am One on One with John Barnes 3:20am Adventure Triathlon 3:45am A1 Grand Prix 4:40am UEFA Cup Football: Newcastle United v Celta Vigo You know what is much better then Channel 5? Anything or MTV. It has a series of spectacular programs showcasing the stupiest Americans. Am I the new Jade Goody? I jest of course, my cat is American.

7:00pm Brand New Spendaholics 8:00pm New Wedding Stories 9:00pm Fat Men Can't Hunt 10:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 10:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:00pm New Wedding Stories 11:55pm Fat Men Can't Hunt 12:55am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 1:25am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 1:55am Torchwood 2:40am New Wedding Stories I havent heard of, Peter O Toole in Venus, Will Smith in a film with his son and Forest Whitaker as some kind of evil dictator with the guy who played Mr Tumnus in Narnia. I personally feel that Ryan Gosling’s finest work was in The Notebook, and he is very very hot so he definetely deserves to win. Best Actress: Helen Mirren, Penelope Cruz, Judi Dench, Meryl Streep and Kate Winslet. Well, since I have once again seen none of these films I cant comment but it doesnt matter

7:00pm Primate Primers 7:10pm Trouble at the Top 8:00pm The Way We Went Wild 9:00pm Travels with a Tangerine 10:00pm The Great British Holiday 11:00pm Summer Holiday 12:45am Travels with a Tangerine 1:45am Holidays in the Danger Zone 3:15am Holidays in the Danger Zone: Rivers However, it is better then the walkman or cd player which I have previously owned. I also got a music system which can be likened to some kind of transformer perhaps Beta Ulpha or....I clearly dont know the names of transformers. Anyway It is a vinyl/tape/cd and radio player and has been made in the style of an old fashioned thing. So it not only satisfies my elf like ears it also is old looking enough to create the illusion that I have not just jumped on some trendy band wagon now that vinyl is once again cool. I bought my friend some Cliff Richard on vinyl.

6:00am Ni Ni's Treehouse 6:25am Fun Song Factory 6:35am Mopatop's Shop 6:45am Engie Benjy 6:55am Pocoyo 7:15am Fun Song Factory 7:25am House of Mouse 7:50am Totally Spies! 8:15am Yin Yang Yo! 8:30am Oban 9:10am Spongebob Squarepants 9:25am Music and Lyrics: World Premiere Special 9:55am The New Adventures of Superman 10:55am Harry Hill's TV Burp 11:25am Emmerdale Omnibus 2:15pm The Mummy 4:35pm Coronation Street Omnibus 7:00pm American Idol 8:00pm American Idol 9:00pm Supernatural 10:00pm Kelly Osbourne: Turning Japanese 11:00pm Entourage 11:35pm The Office: An American Work Place 12:05am Coronation Street 12:35am Kelly Osbourne: Turning Japanese 1:35am ITV Play: The Mint 4:00am Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 8:00am E4 Music's A List 9:00am Our Showbiz Mates 10:00am Westlife's Hotties Chart 11:00am Westlife's Hotties Chart 12:00pm Westlife's Hotties Chart 1:00pm Westlife's Hotties Chart 2:00pm Popworld 2:55pm Playing it Straight 4:00pm Friends 4:30pm Friends 5:00pm Homemade 5:30pm Homemade 6:00pm The OC 7:00pm Friends 7:30pm Friends 8:00pm Ugly Betty 9:00pm ER 10:00pm Desperate Housewives 11:00pm Skins 12:00am My Name Is Earl 12:30am Homemade 1:05am Homemade 1:35am Playing it Straight 2:35am Popworld 3:20am Skins 4:20am My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss 5:00am Switched 5:25am Switched New Years resolutions wise I have done pretty well, been going to gym four times a week, and I resolved to not give up smoking which has worked out well.

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Trans World Sport 8:00am Bauhaus World Bobsleigh Championships 2007 8:30am Freesports on 4 9:00am Hollyoaks Omnibus 11:30am Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 12:30pm Yr Wythnos 1:00pm Maniffesto 1:30pm Rownd a Rownd 2:00pm Rownd a Rownd 2:30pm Night Train to Munich 4:15pm A Place in the Sun Revisited 4:45pm Y Ty Cymreig 5:15pm Newyddion 5:20pm Pobol y Cwm Omnibws 7:15pm Codi Canu 8:00pm Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8:30pm Twrio 9:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 10:00pm Newyddion 10:15pm The Day after Tomorrow 12:35am The Enforcer 2:15am Black Widow 4:05am The Insider: Size Zero - Who is to Blame? For example you have My Super Sweet 16, or the amazing Date My Mom, where the contestant gets five minutes to try and shag their girlfriends’ mum.

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977