Gair Rhydd - Issue 835

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ISSUE 835 FEBRUARY 26 2007

CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY free word - EST. 1972

Necrophilia, hiccups, ducks...

S D R A W A L E B O N THE IG HIT CARDIFF

gair rhydd on the alternative science awards: page 17

NO SMOKE

WITHOUT FIRE Helen Thompson News Editor

PHOTO: MATT HORWOOD

After fierce debate at the AGM students vote not to spend around £50,000 on outdoor smoking facilities

THE UNION WILL not spend any money providing outdoor shelters for smokers after the national smoking ban comes into force on April 2.

The decision was made by the voters at last Wednesday’s Annual General Meeting and met opposition from a small number of students.

Two motions were put forward for discussion in anticipation of the ban on smoking in enclosed public spaces.

The first proposed that smoking should not be allowed on Union premises, including all outside areas such as balconies and steps, and the second proposed that provisions, such as a shelter, should be made for smokers.

Voters chose to discuss the first motion in an overwhelming majority and it was clear from the outset that most students were against the idea of spending any money on providing facilities for smokers.

It is likely that the estimated £50,000 it would cost to provide shelters, extra barriers on the balconies and increased security put a number of voters of the idea. This figure was given by senior management staff of the

Union who have been researching costs for a number of months.

After a show of hands indicated that only the first proposal would be discussed, angry students took the floor to argue that facilities should not be dismissed until the consequences of the ban could be taken into account.

It is unknown whether the Union would lose revenue if outdoor smoking facilities were not provided.

Opposition to the motion also came from came from smokers who believed they should not have to leave the Union steps to have a cigarette just because AGM had ruled on it. They claimed that the motion would impose harsher terms on smokers than the law.

One objector, Rob Wilkinson, said “This is just another step towards a nanny state, telling you what you can and can’t do. If it is only illegal to smoke in enclosed spaces, students should be allowed to smoke on the steps and balconies.”

After more discussion voters agreed that the clauses saying smoking would not be permitted on the Union steps should be taken out.

It will now be up to the law, which Continued on page seven

PLUS: ALL THE NEWS FROM LAST WEEK’S AGM: NEWS, PAGE SEVEN

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NEWS

FEBRUARY.26.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

Former Union President defends tops-up fees

At

a glance

FEBRUARY 26 2007 News 1 Editorial & Opinion 9 Column 13 Letters 14 Politics 15 Science/Environment 17 Features 19 Health 20 Media 22 Jobs & Money 23 Television 25 Problem Page 33 Five Minute Fun 34 Grab 35 Listings 36 Sport 38 EDITOR Perri Lewis DEPUTY EDITOR Sophie Robehmed ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR Elaine Morgan CREATIVE EDITOR Graeme Porteous NEWS Adam Millward, Helen Thompson, Jo Dingle, Katie Kennedy POLITICS Andy Rennison EDITORIAL AND OPINION Ed Vanstone, Georgie SPORT Dave Menon, George Pawley LISTINGS Jenna Harris, Rosaria Sgueglia TELEVISION TV Gareth, TV John, TV Neil, TV Jane, TV Ellen LETTERS Rachel Clare GRAB Kayleigh Excell, Lisa Hocken TAF-OD Huw Pritchard SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT Ceri Morgan MEDIA Aline Ungewiss, Nadia Bonjour HEALTH Liz Stauber JOBS AND MONEY Gill Roberts PROBLEM PAGE Grace De Ville FIVE MINUTE FUN Lara Bell PICTURE EDITORS James Perou, Sarah Day SUB EDITOR Cathal McMahon ONLINE EDITOR Paul Springett PROOF READERS Kieran Harwood, Aisling Tempany, Bryony Tallack CONTRIBUTORS Will Taylor, Samantha Shillabeer, Emma Jones, Tasha Prest-Smith, Stacey Hughes, Matt Horwood, Lee Macaulay, Abigail Whittaker, Rob Taylor, Adam Millward, Corinne Rhoades, Victoria Lane, Jessica Hart, James Stileman, Eleanor Morrey, Chris Croissant, Ed Pitchforth, Emily Woodrow, Laura Hinson, Beth Ranjit, Dan Ridler, Aisling Tempany, Kirsty Page, Amy Davies, Ben Lewis, Gemma Mitchel, Ian Hill, Jo Price, Eilian Hughes, Pete Evans, Matt Conlan, Jameson Kergozou, Justin Savage, Ed Slater, Victoria Soman, Jack Zorab, Henry Williams, Huw Davies, Emma Green, Neil Fairbrother, Ruth Smith, Richard Pickett, Sarah Day, James Woodroof, Scott D’Arcy ADDRESS University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN ADVERTISING 02920 781 474 EMAIL gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com WEB www.gairrhydd.com LOCATION 4th Floor Students’ Union

Samantha Shillabeer Reporter

RAMMELL: Promoting fees

A FORMER Cardiff Union President has come under fire for slamming critics of top-up fees.

Ex-Union President and the Minister of State for Higher Education, Bill Rammell MP, has claimed that opponents of top-up fees have been proved wrong by recent university application figures, but the current Cardiff President strongly disagrees.

Rammell’s statements follow the release of figures by UCAS that show applications to university have increased since the introduction of

top-up fees in 2006.

Union President Joe Al-Khayat commented: “It is so unfair of Mr Rammell, a former President of ours, to dismiss the concerns of our students in this way. It seems that many young people and parents are resigned to these charges, which have a potentially damaging social impact, by discouraging people from lower income backgrounds from gaining teaching that benefits the whole society.”

Figures show that more and more Welsh students are opting for universities close to home, where they do not have to pay the £3,000 top-up fees.

This suggests that tuition fees are an issue for young people.

Al-Khayat said: “More progress needs to be made in widening participation in our Universities, something which Cardiff claims to seek, and creating a fully-fledged market in higher education would have the opposite effect.”

The UCAS figures also show that there has been a marked increase in applications for vocational courses such as business studies.

Al-Khayat stated: “Top-up fees, combined with the prioritization of industrial research in the largest universities is contributing to the industrialization and commodification of higher education and the decline of many traditional disciplines.”

IT: Improved equipment benefits users with disabilties

Equality boost

Pound for pound?

University improves IT facilties for students with disabilities

Welsh Lib Dems ask whether Wales should adopt new English scheme to match-fund donations

Will Taylor Reporter CARDIFF UNIVERSITY has received a major boost in learning technology for users with disabilities.

The learning and teaching experience of disabled students has been enhanced by an investment of £825,000.

The investment has enabled the university’s Information Services to provide new assistive technologies, equipment and software. The new facilities are available in all libraries, computer rooms and selected lecture theatres.

It is hoped that the new facilities will help in bringing Cardiff University to the forefront of equality and diversity provision for both staff and students.

The new and existing assistive software packages are now being networked to all University workstations on campus. This is allowing disabled students to study without having to travel to a specific location.

The networked software includes SuperNova v.7, which is a screen reading and magnification product for students with vision impairments.

TextHelp Read and Write Gold is another component of the new software program. It is a comprehensive literacy support tool, which provides speech, spelling and homophone checking.

Kate Monaghan, the Union’s Education and Welfare officer talked to the gair rhydd about the investment.

She said: “Ensuring that equality

and diversity issues are addressed is one of the top priorities of the Students’ Union.

This investment is a very positive step to ensure that all students are treated equally, and can readily access the services that they require.”

The investment has also allowed for the University to purchase new adaptive furnishings.

These include ergonomic chairs, monitor arms, laptop stands and portable-handheld video magnifiers.

The equipment is available in all libraries on the Cathays and Heath Park Campus. And all staff have been trained in the new software.

Monaghan noted “previously, a student who required specialist equipment would have to use a specific computer, or study in a designated area. This provision means that no student has to be confined to a single computing facility.”

In addition to the investment the ‘Assistive Technology Loan Scheme’ run by Disability and Dyslexia Services, at the Cathays Campus Student Support Centre, has also received additional equipment and software.

Monaghan added that; “The 'Assistive Technology Loan Scheme’ also shows a positive awareness that not all students are able to access the technology that they might need through government funding.”

The equipment is available to students who are not eligible for the Disabled Students Allowance (DSA), but require the use of assistive technologies and software, including International students.

Emma Jones Reporter THE EDUCATION spokesperson for the Welsh Liberal Democrats is to question whether Wales will follow in England’s footsteps and match fund donations to universities.

Peter Black AM will question Labour’s Jane Davidson over whether the Labour Assembly Government intends to introduce the match-funding scheme, which

Nano poem fits on tip of needle Will Taylor Reporter A MICROSCOPIC poem has been inscribed so small that it fits numerous times onto the tip of a sharp needle.

The research team at Cardiff’s Manufacturing Engineering Centre an internationally renowned technology institute - used a Focused Ion Beam

already exists in England and the USA. Under the current program, the UK Government gives £1 for every £2 raised from private donations and alumni, offering up to £5 million per institution.

Mr Black said: “Clearly, anything that will encourage private giving to UK universities is to be welcomed, although we have a long way to go before getting to the levels of funds that are generated in this way in the USA.”

NEEDLE: Making a tiny point machine to engrave the three-line poem.

The tiny poem fills an area of 4.35 square microns out of the total 74 square microns that makes up the tip of the needle.

Team member Kim Pham wrote the 17-syllable Japanese-style haiku poem.

It reads: ‘My poem is small, Even nanoscopical – Can’t be read at all’.

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Going the extra mile Cardiff students come out in force for Health Month

A grave decision

IS IT A BIRD?: No it’s Syd from Xpress

PHOTO: Jameson Kergozo v Kergozov

PHOTOS: Sarah Day

Jo Dingle News Editor BEER BOTTLES, superheroes and a banana took to the racetrack last week as the Invest in Sport Fun Run was held in Bute Park.

The run, which was initiated as part of the Union’s Health Month campaign, saw nearly 300 students covering the three-mile course, with the fastest runner, known as Mikey B, completing the race in just 14 minutes.

Xpress Radio Station Manager, Syd Lawrence raised a mighty £279 for Comic Relief and completed the trek even after an exposing rip emerged in his not-so-super superhero tights during the warm-up.

After the success of the event, AU President James Woodroof said: “It was great to see Cardiff students united in support of the Invest in Sport campaign. There was a really positive atmosphere on the day, and it was rewarding to see so many people involved.”

GRAVES: Some students want to learn all about them.

Tasha Prest-Smith Reporter

Hair on the catwalk Models pose in the body hair of celebrities in bizarre fashion show

SCARY: Or just hairy?

PHOTO: Grant Triplow

Stacey Hughes Reporter A GROUP of models have taken part in a bizarre show at London Fashion week, which involved wearing underwear made from the body hair of celebrities.

Models gave up shaving their bodies for the show, called ‘F*** off I’m a hairy woman’, and wore lingerie made from the body hair of celebrities spun with raw silk.

Celebrities who donated hair included Welsh ex-drug baron Howard Marks and TV presenters Richard and Judy.

Designed by Tracy Moberly and organised by comedian Shazia Mirza,

the show was filmed for a documentary for BBC3’s Body Image season.

Mirza announced on television that she was looking for hairy women to take part in an event, but gave no indication that it included modeling for London Fashion Week.

The comedienne said: “The women had no idea what they might be modeling. When I told them they had to model lingerie made from body hair, I thought they might all leave.”

The documentary, which will be aired in March, focuses on hairy women and their attempts to cope with this problem. With Shazia Mirza believing she is the hairiest woman in Britain it is obvious where her inspiration comes from.

THE FIRST university degree to teach the art of dealing with death has been created.

The University of Bath has teamed up with the National Association of Funeral Directors to develop a university foundation degree to train funeral directors.

The course will cover all aspects of the profession, including bereavement counselling, the law, customer service and the disposal of remains.

Alan Slater, the chief executive of the association, said that the degree was being developed in response to profound changes in society that were altering what the public expected from funerals.

He said: “In an increasingly secular society, funerals are changing.

“From being about disposal of remains and remembering the dead, they are more about a celebration of life.

“Families are encouraged to participate much more and all aspects of the traditional service are changing, from the music to the transport. We now have motorcycle hearses, for example, and sometimes we are asked to send off people’s remains in fireworks.”

Una MacConville, of the University of Bath, also said that there had been a revolution in the way we view death and a breaking down of the taboo surrounding it.

She said: “Within academia, death studies is becoming a discipline in its own right. In society at large too, there is an increasing interest in death, dying and bereavement and a lot of media coverage.

“There is a greater understanding that death is more than a physical event, it’s a social experience.”

The University already offers a multidisciplinary masters degree in death studies, which was introduced last year.

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NEWS

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In the nick of time

Fees’ protest PHOTO: Richard Pickett

hits London

Cardiff students go to Westminister to show MPs they don’t love top-up fees

Corinne Rhoades Reporter

Out with a bang?

Lee Macaulay Reporter BANGOR STUDENTS’ UNION is considering disaffiliating from the National Union of Students, gair rhydd has learnt.

The university, a member institution of the University of Wales, is holding a referendum to decide whether or not to reaffiliate to the NUS in March along with their Executive Committee elections.

The decision to stage a referendum was made by their Students’ Union Council, the equivalent to Cardiff’s Student Council, in January.

The NUS are asking Sabbatical Officers from around Wales to back them in their reaffiliation campaign.

In 2005, Cardiff Students’ Union held a referendum on a motion to decide whether the Union should disaffiliate from the NUS, which failed.

Matt Horwood Reporter

BIG BEN: Girls not loving fees

PHOTO: Matt Horwood

TWO STUDENTS, whose night out drinking sparked an idea to sell time, are set to become multi-millionaires.

Oxford students Thomas Whitfield and Karl Heinz Toni were drinking on a residential course, when they thought up website idea, designthetime.com.

Internet users could soon access the virtual timeline, and pay to own minutes which will let them post their memories online.

The idea is being funded by a £50 million investment from two internet billionaires, who believe the site could be as big as YouTube.

The students pitched the concept to their investors in a University version of the BBC programme Dragons’ Den, in which budding entrepreneurs sell business ideas for millionaires’ cash.

The judges were said to have been ‘blown away’ by the website idea, and offered the students ten thousand times the money on offer as a prize.

One of the students, Thomas Whitfield, a biochemistry PhD from Germany, said: “We were very confident about our idea but we never thought anything like this would happen.”

If the website gets published, people will soon be able to purchase their place in the past or the future online.

Council-ing the problem Academic Council discovers major problems faced by Cardiff students STUDENT REPRESENTATIVES from around the University met for the first time last week to discuss the problems faced by their course mates.

School reps, students who are voted for by their peers to represent them at staff-student panels, attended the first session of Academic Council to be held in over seven years.

The purpose of the council is to discover what academic issues are being faced by Cardiff students, and to see whether these are school-only issues or whether they are problems that the wider student body encounter.

Printing costs was the first issued raised and, after heavy discussion between school reps, it was found that there are wide differences between the provision given to certain schools.

Computer Science were found to have the best system, being given free printing in some of their computer labs, while humanities subjects were seen to have the worst deal: no printing credits at all.

Other issues discussed were the fail-

ings of the personal tutor system, how to prevent first years dropping out and successful buddy systems in certain schools, notably Pharmacy.

Education and Welfare Officer Kate Monaghan, the sabbatical team member who decided to reformed the council, was delighted with its success. She said: “It was great to see representatives from so many different schools and it was a hugely successful meeting.

“We found that many of the problems raised by reps were actually cross-campus issues faced by all students; we’d never have known this unless Academic Council had been reformed.

“Holding this meeting is another step towards better student representation for students in Cardiff University.”

The next meeting of the council will be held in the next few months and, in the meantime, the sabbatical team and the gair rhydd investigations team will be looking into some of the problems that were discovered.

STUDENTS from all over the country have staged an anti-fees lobby at the Houses of Parliament in London.

Katy Dobbs, Kate Monaghan and Jo Plummer represented Cardiff University at the event, which gave students a chance to question MPs over top-up fees.

Boris Johnson, shadow Higher Education Minister, argued to over 40 students that top-up fees are not putting off applicants, but faced criticism that those from poorer backgrounds would not be able to meet the cost.

He said: “University applicants In

England are up 7%, but we need to address the real problem in our primary schools, 40% of school leavers not going into further education.

“We will consider further reform, and it must be socially just and equitable.”

The Aldwych Group, a combined voice of 20 Students’ Unions, said: “The government needs to recognise that in the review of fees, access is the first criteria and never something that can never be fobbed off.”

“We will continue the pressure until the government recognise thatstudents do not love top-up fees, and will never learn to do so.”

Cardiff students will be lobbying the Welsh Assembly in the next few weeks.

Help save a life Students needed to be life-savers and join the bone marrow register Abigail Whittaker Reporter STUDENTS are being asked to become potential life savers by registering as bone marrow donors, after a clinic at University Hall only attracted 26 students.

Cardiff Marrow, a charity that aims to recruit donors specifically from the student population, held the clinic on February 17, and is anticipating the enrolment of more donors at a further clinic to be held in the Great Hall.

Named World Medical School Charity of the Year in 2006, Cardiff Marrow has signed up approximately 500 students to the register in the last five years.

The process of registering takes under 15 minutes and only requires a

small sample of blood. Only one percent of people will be asked to donate in any 10-year period on the register because finding a match is so difficult. As more people join the register, the chance of finding a successful match increases.

Cardiff Marrow Co-ordinator, Kathryn Sandford said: “There is a huge untapped resource of Cardiff students that have great misconceptions about bone marrow donation.

Our aim is to raise awareness of the benefits of the life-saving changes of transplantation and to dismiss the myths of donation.”

Students can attend a marrow clinic solely to ask questions and are not obliged to register. The date of the clinic in the Great Hall is yet to be confirmed. For further information, contact cardiffmarrow@hotmail.com.

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FEBRUARY.26.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

Not so easy riders

Students prepare for gruelling cycle in fundraising bid

NEWS Doctor Who degree Jessica Hart Reporter A STUDENT in Cardiff aims to get her degree by studying the sci-fi program Doctor Who. Lynne Blake, a third year at the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama, is basing her dissertation on the smash-hit program Doctor Who. The main focus of her dissertation is the episode ‘Tooth and Claw’, which was aired last year.

Blake, who is studying theatre design, will be looking at the impact of the second series and studying whether or not it is true to the original 1970s image of Doctor Who, famous for its cardboard monsters and wobbly sets.

The dissertation will question whether the new series is too digitally-enhanced.

STUDENTS: Looking fit and ready for action

Corinne Rhoades Reporter FOUR CARDIFF students have been training hard and are preparing to cycle one thousand miles for charity.

The students will start a bike ride from Lands End to John O’Groats on March 31 this year to raise money for four of their chosen charities.

Cardiff University students Natalie Martin, Kyle Holder, Sam Leftley and Adam Gurr hope to cover one hundred miles a day to stick to their strict cycling schedule.

A weekly training regime has been in place for the group since Christmas, and they’ve spent every spare minute preparing for the trip.

Gurr, who has so far raised over four hundred pounds for the Bobby

Moore Fund, said they go to the gym three times a week in between their studies, as well as spending all Sunday training on their bikes.

The students have also paid out money for new bikes to help them complete the journey as well as training in front of the TV on indoor exercise bikes.

The riders, who can be sponsored online at justgiving.com and

Cue CUTV

bhf.org.uk, say their all chose individual charities to raise money for.

Gurr said: “The charities mean something to each and every one of us and we wanted to give something back.”

Although the group say the thought of cycling such a long way is ‘daunting’, they estimate that about two thousand pounds has already been raised between them.

Cardiff student media embarks on a new venture into the world of online television services

William Taylor Reporter CARDIFF UNIVERSITY Students’ Union has begun making its first prototype programmes for the union’s new media outlet: CUTV (Cardiff Union Television).

Cardiff’s student media are currently working on the development of CUTV, which may one day see a fully functional television studio built on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union.

At present CUTV is broadcasting via the online platform of its website, http://cutv.cardiffstudents.com Students can watch pre recorded V.Ts of events in and around the Union.

Recent recordings include the AGM in the Great Hall last Wednesday. As for the future, events such as Varsity

will hopefully be recorded and broadcast through live streaming on the website. gair rhydd editor Perri Lewis said: “Cardiff has the best student media in the country but, unlike other top universities, we don’t have a TV station.”

Lewis continued: “Over the next semester we’re going to be recruiting students to help us establish an ondemand, internet-based TV station featuring news bulletins, short films and other programmes.”

It is hoped that students will be able to download and select programs and short films as and when they like through the on demand service.

In the coming months the CUTV site will be developed to include five different sections: sport, news, your union, short films and a YouTube-style section where students will be able to

upload their own clips. Lewis said: “There is even scope to film and broadcast things like travel programs, chatshows, live music sets and the like over the next few months”.

Student media will be looking into how they can broadcast live from campus in the near f u t u r e .

Lewis continued: “At present the site is a very, very basic version of what CUTV will be, but hopefully it will eventually feature three interactive broadcast platforms; on campus, online and on demand.”

Anyone who would like to get involved in CUTV

can contact the gair rhydd editor via her email: editor@gairrhydd.com.

TELEVISION: Cardiff Union needs you to get involved

SVC week is launched Samantha Shillabeer Reporter NUMEROUS FUND-RAISING events will be held this week to celebrate this year’s Student Volunteering Week.

The week kicks off on Monday February 26 and lasts until Friday March 3 with stalls set up in the Union reception and shop from Tuesday to Friday offering students the chance to find out about volunteering opportunities from current student volunteers.

There will also be a clothes collection all week and students are encouraged to donate unwanted clothes, hats, scarves and gloves in good condition for local homeless charities.

Donations can be dropped into the SVC office on the 3rd floor of the Students’ Union and some academic departments are also holding collections.

To end the week, SVC is holding a night of live music on Saturday March 3 in CF10.

The event ‘Speakeasy’ will feature different types of music, ranging from jazz to funk and indie to soul.

Tickets cost £3 on the door (£4 to non-NUS holders) and all the money will go towards SVC projects.

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Meds cheque in

PETER HAIN: Tackling racism

Medic students raise cash for Children’s Hospital Welsh politics Adam Millward News Editor

HAND-OVER: Right-left, Noah’s Ark representative; Amy Stimpson; Jason O’Neill

THROUGH SEVERAL events, including an annual play and their Freshers’ Ball, Medsoc has raised £2,000 for charity, which the society presented to the Children’s Hospital of Wales, last week.

Anaphylaxis is a comedy review of the medical students’ experiences, which gets the chance to parody lecturers and professors.

This year’s performance of Anaphylaxis will be shown on February 28, March 1 and 2 and an advertisment can be seen on Youtube.

This is one of numerous charity projects managed and organised by medic students. Other worthy projects include Marrow which supports sufferers of leukemia, Teddy Bear Hospital which entertains children staying in hospital and BACCUP which sends students to Belarus to work with nurses in an orphanage.

Suzanne Mainwaring, Noah’s Ark Appeal Director, said: “Studying to become a doctor is an incredibly long and stressful process, and we are thrilled that the students have taken time out of their study schedule to raise funds for us.”

makes move against BNP

Lee Macaulay Reporter A WELSH MP has joined a host of celebrities in a campaign against the BNP. Welsh Secretary Peter Hain joined Pete Doherty and Jerry Dammers from the Specials at a demo in London.

He also took part in the Unite Against Fascism conference in London along with students, trade unions and religious organisations.

Mr Hain, the minister who represents Wales in the cabinet, said at a demo held alongside the conference: “Progressives have a moral duty to fight fascism wherever it rears its ugly head.

“Now we must unite to combat the BNP racists and their ideology of hate – that’s why it’s important that we build Unite Against Fascism today.”

Also in attendance was Gemma Tumelty, president of the National Union of Students, which maintains a ‘no platform’ policy on fascism prohibiting debate on the subject.

Fears over uni privatisation Survey highlights public reluctance for a merger between universities and business Corinne Rhoades Reporter UNIVERSITIES have been called to unite against private companies who invest for profit.

A YouGOV survey showed that over 50%of people felt private partnerships with UK universities would decrease the standard of education.

Fears that the reputation of British higher education would be affected abroad were also expressed.

The survey, which took the opinions of over 2,000 people, came after a complaint about the company Into and its involvement in university management.

Into, a private company running language courses and international student management, has been protested against after it entered into joint ventures with universities including Exeter and East Anglia.

An advertisement for an Into centre director, which appeared in

the Times Higher Education Supplement, marked Into as a ‘university-led initiative’ and propelled fears that the wrong impression would be made.

A member of the University and College Union (UCU) was worried that people would think all Into companies were ‘university-led initiatives’.

Lecturers at Newcastle University, which is also involved with Into, have protested against the quality of education offered by the company to higher education students.

Sally Hunt, the UCU joint general secretary, said: “Private companies that view our universities as cash cows should think again. The public is opposed to them being milked for profit.

“We are concerned that misleading information may dupe students into paying for a service that is just not up to scratch,” she added.

The Union is now in the process of demanding an end to privatisation of universities in the UK.

Death on the road Government considers new scheme to introduce road training to the National Curriculum as young driver fatalities continue to rise Abigail Whittaker Reporter THE GROWING number of young people involved in fatal accidents has caused the Government to consider making road safety part of the National Curriculum.

The Department of Transport has revealed that the number of people between the ages of 15 and 25 dying in

accidents across Wales has risen from 62 in 2004 to 83 in 2005. A further 5,782 road users were injured in traffic accidents in 2005, equivalent to 16 smashes every day.

Launched recently in association with road safety group Brake, ‘Too Young To Die’ is a new educational resource pack designed for schools. It includes a powerful documentary about road deaths.

Jools Townsend, head of education at Brake, said: “Too many young people think they are invincible and fail to consider how their dangerous actions behind the wheel can kill and maim themselves, their friends and other road users.

“It is essential that we target secondary school and college students with practical, and potentially life-saving, information on safe driving.”

gairrhydd 7 FEBRUARY.26.2007

NEWS

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AGM REVIEW: gair rhydd sums up the AGM action Abigail Whittaker recaps the changes made to non-sabbatical positions at this year’s AGM Changes to executive roles THE AGM SAW changes to wxecutive officer positions, with the Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual officer becoming the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual officer.

The responsibility for postgraduate students passed back from the Vice President’s role to

that of the Societies and International Officer, reversing a change made as recently as 2005.

Vice President Ed Jones had expressed concern that his role had been ‘very big’ and that he had ‘struggled to get to grips with it’.

Heath Park Campus Officer approved THE CREATION of a 14th non-sabbatical officer in the form of a Heath Park Campus Officer was approved almost unanimously.

After minor concerns were raised, it was established that any student studying at the

Heath during any part of their course, even if they may spend some years on the Cathays campus, will become the responsibility of the new officer.

Non-sabbs to be paid FOLLOWING THE lack of interest in nonsabbatical positions last year, the proposal to give an allowance to the 14 non-sabbatical officers was agreed with little objection.

Concern about how the Union will come up with the extra £25,000 needed to fund the venture each year was appeased by assurances that

International intentions TWO HEAVILY debated motions were End the Occupation and Stop the War. End the Occupation called for the Students’ Union to ‘lobby the British Government to call on Israel to implement international law’ and to ‘work with the Palestine Solidarity Society to raise awareness of these violations of international law’.

Stop the War proposed that the Students’ Union should declare its opposition to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and to any attack on Iran or Syria.

Both motions fell with a majority of abstentions.

Union profits would provide the necessary funding.

As a student may only be in the pay of the Union for a maximum of two years, non-sabbatical officers will be allowed to opt out of being paid if they wish to fill two non-sabbatical positions then go on to a sabbatical role.

Non-sabbs no longer required to self-define THE CONTROVERSIAL motion to allow non-sabbatical officers to be non-self defining was passed after heated debate.

Ben Hill supported the motion, claiming that the Union’s equal opportunities policy should allow any student to apply for any post, without the need for them to be a member of the group they are representing.

It was said that non-sabbatical positions are often left unfilled, and that a non-self

defining candidate that has experience in or who has researched an area such as mental health is better than none.

Others claimed that the best person to represent a sector of the student body would be a member of that body itself.

Although the audience was asked to consider how they would feel if they were represented as a student body by someone who had never been a student themselves, the motion was passed by a majority of six.

Parliament Debate burns on gatherstopace Changes non-sabb positions

Decision to provide facilities for smokers postponed until November

Lee Macaulay Reporter

approved

STUDENT COUNCIL may be abolished by this time next year in favour of a new Student Parliament.

The AGM passed a motion to mandate this year’s executive to put a ‘Six Point Plan’ into action, ending with an Extraordinary General Meeting (EGM) in November that will vote

A better experience A MOTION TO improve the quality of student experience at Cardiff University was passed by an overwhelming majority.

The motion mandated the Executive to lobby the ViceChancellor for a better quality of learning and to ‘ring-fence’ an amount of money to go toward improvements to the Students’ Union building.

The motion also reinforces the Invest in Sport campaign and insists that the University commits to building a Rubber Crumb pitch.

The motion was also subject to an amendment to continue the Union’s opposition to top-up and tuition fees.

ED JONES: Microphone man

again on whether to commit to the new parliament idea.

Union President Joe Al-Khayat proposed that a University-funded redevelopment of the Great Hall will take place this summer, regardless of whether the Student Parliament is ultimately accepted.

The redevelopment will see the installation of a retractable lecture theatre in the Great Hall, to be used for teaching and shows, as well as the parliament. It will include an electronic voting system and visual projectors.

The proposed parliament will be made up of 25% Athletic Union Members of Student Parliament (MSPs), 25% society MSPs, 25% academic MSPs and 25% MSPs who do not belong to any of these groups. It would meet once a month to debate issues that currently the Student, AU, Societies and Academic Councils deal with.

Almost 250 members elected by their societies, AU clubs and academic schools would be required to attend, replacing the current council of around 40 unelected members.

Clubs and societies who fail to send representatives will have their budgets frozen by the Students’ Union.

The current councils would become standing committees of the Parliament, which could be called by a relevant Sabbatical officer or a majority of the relevant MSPs, to discuss issues in further detail than in Parliament.

Continued from front

has not yet been drafted, whether or not smoking will be permitted on the Union steps.

President Joe Al-Khayat tried to set the debate back on track, saying that the real issue was whether Union money should be spent on accommodating smokers, rather than whether they could smoke outside at all.

A number of students took the mic to argue that money should not be spent on such provisions.“Students who smoke have obviously got money to burn so they can build their own shelters,” said Nicola Tanner.

James Sexton agreed, saying: “The market should decide on this.

Spending £50,000 is a real risk, because security is stretched as it is.

This will only make things more expensive and more difficult to run.”

Wilkinson countered this, saying: “90% of the bouncers who work at this Union smoke – they’ll be out there anyway.”

The debate resulted in an amendment to the motion, proposed by Adam Cottral, which stated that the issue would be discussed again at the Emergency General Meeting to be held in November 2007.

Al-Khayat expressed his satisfaction with this result, saying: “In November we will be seven months into the smoking ban and can see how it has affected our licensed premises and others in the area. Then I believe we will be able to make a more informed decision.”

He also added that the debate’s conclusion had been ‘stumbled on almost

accidentally’, as some of the discussion had become ‘confused’.

It is possible that this confusion partly arose from the more informal style introduced by this year’s sabbatical officers.

Union executives walked among the audience with microphones, allowing students to speak from their seats.

There was also a chance to ask questions at any point during the proceedings, rather than a strict structure of speeches followed by questions.

Al Khayat said: “By bringing the microphone to the students we encouraged contribution because it wasn’t as daunting as walking up onto the stage.

There were moments when perhaps we didn’t strike the balance between procedure and accessibility as successfully as we would have liked.”

Many students, walked out before the end, fuelling speculation that students only attended to get a free Rubber Duck ticket or because they were required to by being members of a society or AU club.

Although Al-Khayat was pleased that many of the motions passed with an overwhelming majority, he believes that there is room for improvement.

“In future we have got to get the AGM information and agenda out to the students maybe a week or so earlier,” he said.

“This will enable more students to have input into the proposals and get their views and questions fed in at an earlier stage in the process.

“Ultimately, this will give people the opportunity to understand the issues better and lead to a quicker and more informed debate.”

8 gairrhydd

WORLD NEWS ‘Indian Idol’ meets hostile response Song contest threatens to instigate militant opposition in tradition-led Kashmir

FEBRUARY.26.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

World News in brief Victoria Lane Reporter

Scalpel scare

CONTESTANTS: Sing for survival

Corinne Rhoades Reporter THE INDIAN version of ‘Pop Idol’ has triggered militant threats against the girls who auditioned for the show.

‘Indian Idol’ has been aired by Sony TV for two years, but when the auditions came to Kashmir’s capital a militant group warned singers to stay away.

Kashmir has seen at least £60,000d people so far become the victims of militant opposition since 1989.

Conflict has existed in the Himalayan state since it came under Indian rule.

The region has been a disputed territory between Pakistan and India since 1947 and attempts to enforce strict Islamic values there have sparked the recent opposition to ‘Indian Idol’.

But Sony TV’s publicity head, Shola Rajachandran, said: “We have come here with confidence and good will.”

In spite of her optimism, hundreds of hopefuls were forced to stand outside in the rain due to possible security fears.

Al Madina Regiment, a militant group behind a number of attacks in recent years, claimed the programme was vulgar and against traditional values, such as the preferred Islamic dress code.

Nursing home of horrors Harrowing findings as Japanese officials investigate residents’ living conditions James Stileman Reporter A NURSING HOME in Japan is under investigation by Tokyo officials following allegations that it was treating its residents inhumanely - including keeping one man in a cage.

An ex-employee of the nursing home in Urayasu spoke to the Japanese newspaper Mainichi and alleged that residents were restrained and a mentally disabled man was being held in a pet cage.

This resident, purportedly in his 30s, is said to have been confined since November 2006, and the exemployee claims that he was still in the cage when he left in January. He went on to state that the man had only a portable toilet and a mattress in the pet cage.

A current employee at the nursing home countered this allegation by telling Japan’s Kyodo news agency that the cage was more ‘like a fence for toddlers’ and that the resident ‘entered it willingly’.

There are apparently several residents in the nursing home who suffer from dementia, and it is alleged that

they are tied or handcuffed to their beds at night.

Twenty-six residents live in the home in eastern Tokyo, and Mainichi reports that it has not been registered with the Urayasu authorities.

Officials are currently investigating the claims made against the establishment and its employees.

Kunihito Yoshida, a Chiba prefectural official, stated: “Although we are halfway through the investigation, our staff member who went to the facility said it was better than we had heard, yet we spotted one person handcuffed.”

If the allegations are verified by officials, the nursing home runs the risk of severe punishment.

Japan has an ageing population with the highest percentage of elderly people in the world.

As more and more of its elderly citizens find themselves in need of care facilities, so concerns grow over whether the facilities are providing adequate care for their residents.

Pressure is being put on the nursing home network to act fairly to its patrons, with the hope that cases such as this remain isolated.

This claim was rejected by one auditioner, Miss Shami who said: “It’s not a vulgar kind of programme. It is a really great opportunity.”

Kazi Tauqeer, a Kashmiri from the capital, became the winner of another Sony TV music contest aired last year.

His singing success has since inspired other Kashmiris to try their luck and perform for the judges.

Shola Rajachandran said: “Why not have a nice budding singer from Kashmir?”

Many of the girls who auditioned were escorted by their families, who were keen to show their support for the programme.

One anxious sister waiting outside the Sher-e-Kashmir International

Convention Complex, where the auditions were held, praised Sony TV for continuing with the contest.

She said: “They have afforded a chance to Kashmiri youth to show their talent and to represent Kashmir. It’s a good beginning.”

When asked about her views on the militant warnings she said: “If somebody wants to get freedom for Kashmir, that’s altogether different.

“Everybody wants their individuality, their personal identity and personal recognition. For that, it’s a very good platform.”

Despite the threat of militant action, those who failed the auditions were happy to perform for the media outside in the street.

Many happy returns Mugabe?

As Zimbabwean president turns 83, political opposition increases Eleanor Morrey Reporter THE AGEING Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe last week celebrated his 83rd birthday despite frequent rumours about his deteriorating state of health.

One of Africa’s longest-serving leaders, Mugabe has been accused of plunging the southern African state into a political and economic crisis through controversial policies that have led to a crumbling economy, social unrest and a looming presidential succession battle.

Political analysts say he faces a more potent threat now because the state of the economy, seen by the World Bank as ‘the fastest shrinking outside a war zone’, could spark antigovernment protests.

On February 18, police riot squads fired tear gas and water cannons to stop a major opposition rally which the government said was a launch pad for a new street campaign against Mugabe’s rule.

“The economic situation is deteriorating so fast and as it does, Mugabe’s own situation gets more and more desperate,” said John Makumbe, a veteran political commentator and an outspoken Mugabe critic.

Along with the world’s highest

MUGABE: Hard to beat inflation rate of 1,600 %, Zimbabwe has seen unemployment climb to 80 % while food, fuel and foreign exchange are in short supply. Since the start of the year, Zimbabwe has suffered an outbreak of industrial strikes for higher wages and unions are threatening more boycotts.

The opposition Movement for Democratic Change is also threatening to tackle Mugabe on the issue with a resistance campaign.

Eldred Masunungure, Professor of Political Science at the University of Zimbabwe said: “It’s a year full of fights, but it’s difficult to say at the moment who is going to win.”

A BRAZILIAN woman is considering legal action after an X-ray showed a scalpel had been left in her body.

Maria Abadia Dias had a Csection in 1984 when doctors left the five centimetre scalpel inside her lower abdomen.

The instrument is to be removed later this month.

She said: “Doctors always told me that nothing was wrong and that it was only a question of age.”

Cannabis cows SWISS FARMERS have been told again to stop feeding their cows cannabis due to the March 2005 ban being ignored.

Farmers consider the cheap, easy-to-grow plant to be good for their cows.

The THC ingredient makes the cows happy as well as making them produce more milk.

But the Agriculture Ministry believes it to be a health risk to humans and warned that farmers found doping their cows will be prosecuted.

High pitch A FOOTBALL club in Brazil has refused to play at high altitudes after a match in which players had to be side-lined for oxygen.

The match was played in the mountains of Bolivia, 4000 meters above sea level.

Flamengo football club’s president Marcio Braga described the performance as ‘epic’, but said the conditions were ‘unsporting and inhumane’ and put ‘the lives of the athletes at risk’.

Potosi’s Mario Mercado stadium is one of the world’s highest altitude football grounds.

gairrhydd

EDITORIAL & OPINION

FEBRUARY.26.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

freewords the voice of gairrhydd

Est. 1972

Defining moments The decision not to provide outside shelters for smokers will be the most talked-about vote of last Wednesday’s meeting. It will directly affect a number of students and it will have massive implications for those who use our Union’s services.

Tongues will also be wagging in the finance department: they’ll be hoping that the decision does not have a negative impact on the bar takings and unfortunately only time will tell whether this will be the case.

But perhaps one of the more important decisions made at last Wednesday’s meeting will be the one few people take notice of: the fact that students running for non-sabbatical positions no longer have to be self-defining. Because this motion was passed, even though just by six votes, a man can stand for Women’s Officer, a heterosexual can stand for LGBT Officer and a student without a disability can stand for Students with Disabilities Officer.

To some, including the Welsh National Union of Students who sent representatives to speak against the motion, this is wrong. They believe you cannot accurately represent a minority group unless you are a part of it. And this is a valid point. Can a man really ever understand the importance of a pro-choice campaign? Can a white, middle-class, British student ever represent ethnic minorities?

Maybe not.

But, as Ben Hill, the speaker for the motion said, why should the Union’s constitution prevent certain sexes, genders, races etc from running in a fair, democratic election? Why should our equal opportunities policy not apply in this instance?

He’s right. We cannot have an equal opportunities policy that does not apply to everything.

The AGM voters were right to pass this motion. They were right to let voters decide whether a male candidate for Women’s Officer would be better than a female one. They were right put their trust in the students of this university.

Video helped the radio star Cardiff has some of the best student media in the country: gair Rhydd, Quench and Xpress Radio have won some of the UK’s most prestigious national journalism awards and we have hundreds of students producing quality print and broadcast media every week.

But, unlike other top universities, and even rival and former poly Glamorgan, we are missing something from our portfolio of student media: a TV station.

This is where CUTV, Cardiff Union Television, comes in.

Although the idea is in it’s very basic stages, things are looking promising for the internet-based broadcaster: equipment is being bought and eager volunteers are being recruited. News and sport programmes are being planned and grand schemes for the future are being considered.

This is hugely positive step forward for student media in Cardiff and it deserves the support for the Union, the University and the whole student body.

9

Help through heroin Chris Croissant discusses the potential benefits of reducing drug crime through prescribing heroin to long-term addicts

T

hey have long been thought of as the ‘untouchables’. They have been demonised, criticised and scandalised. But now a debate has resurfaced to allow heroin addicts the opportunity to prescribe to the NHS for treatment. Is this a step in the right direction? Or is this a liberal experiment that cries out with political correctness gone mad?

Key government officials Chris Davies, MEP for the North West of England, and Police Chief Ken Jones, among many others, are calling for a more realistic approach to heroin addiction.

They argue that heroin should be prescribed to long-term heroin addicts to prevent them from committing crimes to feed their habits. It is suggested that heroin-injecting centres should be established and heroin made available in order to significantly reduce drug-related crime and deaths from overdoses. In other words, the call for a new political consensus that would make the streets safer as well as creating a safer and more controlled environment for heroin injection.

Heroin addiction is an ongoing urban problem in the UK and conventional police tactics are failing. Rather than treating it as antisocial behaviour for which no one is prepared to take responsibility, this new liberal approach redirects the gaze at fundamentalists, and works to combat this life-destroying addiction. Government policy towards deviants has vastly improved in recent decades. The justice system has steadily evolved to not only punish criminals for their crimes but to try and also rehabilitate these subjects and put them back into society. So why not also take this approach for heroin addicts?

Key government officials are calling for a more realistic approach to heroin addiction This liberal experiment has already been tried and tested. Forty cities in Europe have embraced the new policy, which is now regarded as an essential tool in dealing with urban drug problems. In Switzerland, the introduction of heroin-injecting centres has reportedly led to an 82% decrease in its use since 1990. By taking away the taboo surrounding its use and treating the addiction as a disease, the policy has allegedly changed the image of heroin use as an act of rebellion and turned it into an illness that needs therapy. If

HEROIN: Treatment option? previous policing methods in England have been failing, then it seems acceptable to adopt a new approach to dealing with the problem.

It is not calling for a legalisation of the drug – simply a liberalisation to treatment methods. Do not dismay.

There are not going to be scenes of Brass Eye’s ‘Drumlake Experiment’ that allows young users to experiment with the drug. In this controversial satire, the ethos of the school is to allow children to experiment with drugs and once they are onto the harder drugs, only use ones that are of the “highest medical quality”. Sound familiar? The notion of the experiment being that once the children reach the age of eighteen they are generally bored of it. There is also an occasion when a teenage girl runs out of money and is told to see if she can “take care of Mr Philips” whose wife died a couple of months ago. This is comic satire at its best.

Rest assured, there is very little sign that the liberalisation of the drug policy will ever snowball to such an extent. Rather, the policy is directed at long-term addicts. How to determine a long-term addict? Well, this is where much of the controversy lies. There are also concerns that once the government liberalises its approach to one drug, then all others will follow.

It is certainly very tenuous ground that has to be treated with sensitivity, not only in its practice but also in its public reception. If heroin were made available on the NHS then taxpayers, some of whom would have been the

victims of drug-related crime, would be directly supporting addicts. There are also fears for the safety of the public in close vicinity to these clinics. Yet the less we see heroin-addicts as selfdeserving, weak-minded individuals then the more hope there is for them to repair the damage done to their lives and their families.

It is not calling for a legalisation of the drug - simply a liberalisation of treatment methods Of course, not all addicts are the victims of abuse. But if there are large numbers of addicts out there (an estimated 200,000 living in the UK), then as a society with a communitarian spirit we should not ignore them but make efforts to keep an open mind and support them so that they can improve their lives.

Understandably, there are some sceptics who think this is implausible.

There are many addicts who simply do not want to give up the habit and will exploit the centre as a means of getting free, high-quality heroin. It is like providing for alcoholics on the NHS and supplying them with the finest quality whisky. There are concerns that this is too soft an approach, and also that it is very expensive. The unanswered questions include whether any benefits of prescribing heroin outweigh the addi-

tional costs. If it is to work, addicts need to be determined to give up the drug. Often they are not. Therefore there needs to be a range of treatments alongside the policy in order for addicts to quit.

Yet however you look at it, there will always be users of heroin. This cannot be stopped. But if the clinics are introduced, then the environment in which it is used will be safe and the number of users sinking into the drugworld in order to get it will be reduced.

What the policy does offer is for the police to have greater opportunities to focus on the suppliers of drugs and organised crime, thus tackling the bigger players in the drugs trade.

Any liberalisation towards heroin is always going to be controversial. On the whole, an expansion of heroin prescribing is generally welcome, but it must be accompanied by a rigorous, scientific evaluation of its value in treatment. The policy is bound to create sparks over the moral justification of endorsing heroin addiction and the soft approach that seems to being taken to users.

Yet the problem is already there. It may as well be faced with an open mind and an approach that considers all the options. It may not be the best one, but if it is carefully regulated and its effectiveness critically assessed then a more tolerable situation may be reached. Until then, heroin addicts will continue to stalk the shadows, leave needles in park playgrounds and commit all sorts of crime in order to get their fix.

www.gairrhydd.com Everything you read in here, online

10 gairrhydd

EDITORIAL & OPINION

FEBRUARY.26.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

Earn that operation

With the NHS budget stretched to breaking point, previously unthinkable methods of cutting costs are being mooted. Ed Pitchforth looks at the rationing of healthcare

W

e students live a notoriously unhealthy lifestyle, with a far larger proportion of student loans being spent on alcohol, cigarettes and kebabs than fresh vegetables and exercise equipment. But hey, there’s plenty of time for our bodies to recover.

Anyway, we’re too young to be worrying about cholesterol levels and liver disease, right?

Well, perhaps, but in light of a new government initiative, it might be time to start giving our ailing bodies a bit of much needed TLC. Last week the Secretary of State for Health, Patricia Hewitt, went on the record to support the practice of denying certain operations to smokers and the overweight, until they chuck the fags and embark on an exercise programme.

Now, I know that barely any of us are likely to require a hip replacement or heart bypass in the imminent future, but there is every chance that this stance is indicative of change in attitude to healthcare.

It might be time to give our ailing bodies a bit of much needed TLC When the NHS was founded in 1948 it was heralded as a watershed moment, and for decades no country could boast a system to rival it. Sadly, in the new millennium no country would want to rival it. While a significant amount of public spending has been injected into the flailing organisation, reports of job cuts and spiralling debts are still commonplace.

Ultimately, it seems the organisation is struggling to cope with the unrelenting demands of an ageing population, and the burden of funding expensive new

treatments.

So if it is accepted that the system cannot fulfill the ideal of providing free health care to everyone on an equal footing, what is the solution?

Can restricting treatments to patients who have made sound lifestyle choices be justified?

In true political fashion the government has avoided making such a positive stand on a controversial issue.

Patricia Hewitt was quick to highlight that it was not an exercise in cost cutting, commenting that it would be “dreadful” to withhold treatment on

According to last year’s National Student Survey, Cardiff’s medical students are the most dissatisfied in the UK. Beth Ranjit explains why

I

t’s ten o’clock on a Monday morning. Second year medical students have just completed an exam and are chattering loudly, awaiting a lecture. It takes a moment for me to realise that quarter past has snuck up on us and there is still no sign of a lecturer. Instead of outrage, indignation and confusion, there is a sense of “Here we go again…”

Last year’s National Student Survey confirmed that Cardiff has the most

dissatisfied medical students in the whole of the UK. I lurked at the back of a meeting that term where lecturers discussed what exactly could be done to improve this troubling statistic.

Greater feedback for assessments was one debated option, with students able to request such detailed reports. They seemed enthusiastic - even anxious - to do better.

However, evidence suggests that nothing has really changed. A couple of weeks ago, when snow fell and

the basis that patients were responsible for their conditions. In her view the current restrictions are justifiable because operations stand a better chance of success on fitter patients.

To me, this distinction seems slightly dubious, as under either line of reasoning treatments are being rationed, with more deserving patients gaining priority.

This is not a new concept to the NHS; it has always been forced to juggle limited resources to meet unlimited needs. Most treatment decisions involve a degree of lost opportunity, as excited my Devonian heart, second year medics had lectures at the Heath.

We came in at nine and trudged through our normal morning of lectures, before lunch was eaten in whatever space was available to three hundred hungry students and we returned for our two o’clock.

It was twenty to three when someone actually told us the lecture was cancelled, but we were reassured that our three and four o’clock were on. At ten past three, that lecture was also cancelled. Finally, at four, we had a lecture - one that had been cancelled previously - and covered topics we had been bombarded with in the first year.

In short, I wasted my afternoon waiting for knowledge that didn’t arrive.

While this is probably the most extreme example, it is not far from the norm. Not a week goes by when one, two or even three lectures are cancelled, usually while we are waiting in the lecture theatre. We are rarely, if

doctors are forced to prioritise patients over each other. Even more problematic is the scenario where treatment is provided to one patient at the expense of another.

Previously, such decisions were made behind closed doors, but after receiving billions of pounds of public money, financial decisions are under intense scrutiny. The decision-making process has also been made transparent, with the division of the country into separate district health authorities who act as independent purchasers of healthcare from the NHS. So if it is accepted that rationing is essential to the functioning of the NHS, it must also be accepted that decisions will come under the microscope. Unfortunately, all of us will require extended healthcare in our lifetime, meaning we all have a vested interest in the rationing process.

I am sure that not many people will be outraged by Hewitt’s endorsement, believing that smokers are responsible for their ill health. But isn’t smoking addictive? Can we justify excluding smokers while providing drug addicts with state funded rehabilitation? If accountability is the basis for prioritising, shouldn’t they both be left out in the cold?

In my view, the current practice of delaying treatment is acceptable, provided patients are given intensive support to give up and get fit. However, some doctors favour excluding smokers from the NHS altogether. Although it would certainly be an excellent incentive to quit, in my view, this constitutes moving the goalposts. Many older smokers were unaware just how addictive it is when they began. While the information may have been available to younger smokers, older smokers could argue that if they had been privy to the whole truth about cigarettes’ detrimental effect on health they may never have started.

At any rate, smokers are not the

ever, offered an apology for these missing lectures, and there will probably not be time to reschedule. I understand that some of these individuals are clinicians, but how long does it take to grab one of their orbiting lackeys and

only demographic with a hobby haphazard to their health. What about boozers? Why should the public fund the patient who fell down the stairs after one too many?

Extreme sports fans may not be actively poisoning their bodies, but their hobbies clearly run the risk of multiple broken bones. Perhaps they should be held accountable for their need for adrenalin.

Clearly the rationing is a problematic process, as it is impossible to please everybody. Competing needs have to be adjudicated upon, with some groups inevitably left aggrieved. The alternative to rationing is the distinctly unattractive option of privatising the health service.

Some doctors favour excluding smokers from the NHS altogether The introduction of an insurancebased system such as that used in the US has some merits, as people would fund their poor lifestyle choices through increased premiums.

However, as fans of Scrubs and ER know, the system discriminates against the poor, who cannot afford extensive cover. Such inequality clearly contravenes the championed ideal of the NHS, and it would require a phenomenally brave government to instigate privatisation.

So it seems unless the NHS receives an impressive overhaul the issue of the appropriate basis for rationing will remain in the public domain. The only way to ensure your needs will be catered for is to embark on that health kick you have been delaying for so long.

Alternatively, you can save up your pennies for BUPA and go nuts. Pint, anyone? tell them to give the med school a ring?

Our lecturers do not know what we have been previously taught or, indeed, what their colleagues are teaching us this year. Our examination venue didn’t have the correct number of papers or attendance slips. We haven’t received our grades for the exam and project submitted in December. All of this appears par for the course. They have a captive audience: we have no choice but to stick with this or never actually become doctors.

Gone are the days when students were slavishly grateful for every pearl of wisdom that fell from the lecturers’ lips. If we give them our respect by turning up, they can, at least, do the same.

I’ve seen it suggested that medical students should pay more fees because of our longer hours. However, as it appears that every other course has a greater standard of teaching, shouldn’t we be paying less?

gairrhydd 11

EDITORIAL & OPINION

FEBRUARY.26.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

Telly Tubbies

Emily Woodrow comments on recent reports stating that children watching too much TV can develop obesity, diabetes and autism

I

t would appear that kids who watch too much TV are now not only becoming too fat and too tired, but also are more likely to be diagnosed with diabetes and even autism.

A report, conducted by psychologist Dr Aric Sigman and backed up by teachers, lists 15 health problems that previous studies have attributed to excessive TV viewing. The list includes childhood obesity, eyesight problems and sleep disruption.

It seems relatively obvious that sitting in front of a TV for an excessive amount of time may trigger obesity, especially if you’re like me and enjoy snuggling up in bed, armed not only with the remote but also with a huge bag of Doritos and dip.

However, the fact that extreme TV viewing can trigger autism, diabetes and even induce puberty is indeed fairly worrying. It seems that although society may be taking action against children’s poor eating habits and attempting to alter school dinners, the high-screen diet children have also been consuming is being overlooked.

Children are spending less time doing their homework or reading The ever-growing number of children with a TV set in their bedroom is probably partly to blame for the ‘unhealthy’ relationship between children and TV programmes. Whereas watching TV could have once been considered a sociable activity, where the family gather in the lounge and watch Saturday night TV, it is now seen as a very isolated experience, where kids stay cooped up in their room, eyes glued to the box.

Apart from getting fat and having sore eyes, watching too much TV is also having a negative effect on children’s education. With children spending the majority of their spare time staring at the TV screen rather than the computer screen, they are spending less time doing their homework or reading.

Dr Sigman’s report raises concerns about the vulnerability of under-threeyear-olds and their exposure to television. With 59% of children younger than two years regularly watching an average of 1.3 hours of TV a day it would appear that children are starting as they mean to go on and are continuing their indulgent TV exposure right up to and through their teens.

Personally, even though I never had a TV in my room, I admit to having watched a lot of television as a primary and secondary school child. I would come home from school at 3.30pm, sit and watch some tat on the children’s channels, flicking through until Neighbours came on. Having eaten tea, I would return to the box with my family and indulge in my daily soap

diet of Eastenders and Corrie.

I occasionally went into my room to do some reading or homework, but the majority of the time I would halfheartedly complete it in front of the television, (and Deal or No Deal hadn’t even been invented when I was younger). However, I did enjoy playing a lot of sport in school, so some days my television routine wouldn’t begin until around five.

Jokes aside, I can safely say that I am not clinically obese, do not have diabetes, began puberty at a normal age and most certainly am not suffering from autism. So perhaps the question lies in what children sacrifice in order to watch TV. Although I thoroughly enjoyed my soap operas as a child and still do, I would never turn down going out with my friends or going out to play netball in the lane because of television programmes, (thank God for the invention of video recorders).

However, it seems that kids nowadays are so surrounded by media and television programmes that they are quite happy to sacrifice seeing their friends or going shopping if it means they can tune in to their daily TV viewing.

I believe this could be where the problem lies. Children today are refusing to exercise; they are becoming more introverted and less sociable due to the multitude of television programmes on offer to them and the lack of limitation imposed on them by their parents.

Laura Hinson, a Cardiff Journalism student, says: “When I was young I was only allowed to watch TV at the weekends, so I spent my time playing outside or doing homework. Parents nowadays seem to use TV to keep their kids docile.”

Some would argue that this is in fact the case, but believe this could be a positive thing, as Sam Davies, a second year Medic, does: “Kids nowadays may watch a lot of television, but at least it keeps them off the street and under the watchful eye of their parents.”

The hormonal changes argument

raised by Dr Sigman is a concerning one. Does watching too much TV as a child cause the onset of puberty at a younger age than normal?

With programmes such as Hollyoaks where the young girls all walk around wearing low cut tops and short skirts and Coronation Street linking storylines to sex mad teenagers such as David Platt, is it at all surprising that kids seem to be maturing quicker?

Furthermore, with digital channels full of American beauty programmes such as America’s Top Model, should we not be more concerned that today’s children are growing up with size zero girls as their role models?

In my opinion, this should be of equal or more concern to society than kids putting on a few extra pounds due to their couch potato habits, or a few hours sleep deprivation due to having sat up late at night watching the end of a TV programme.

Kids are refusing to exercise; they are becoming more introverted and less sociable I think we can safely say that excessive amounts of TV viewing as a child is a destructive thing. With studies such as Dr Sigman’s proving this and presenting the negative effects it can have on children, it is certainly time that action was taken to limit kids’ daily television intake.

However, I blame the parents. If parents refused to let their child have a TV in their room, or imposed TV after homework rules, these problems would not occur and children could enjoy watching TV to a reasonable extent and still have time to see their friends and complete their homework.

After all, what parent wants a fat, tired and square eyed couch potato for a child? I know that I most certainly don’t.

Sex education provided in schools is proven to be inadequate by a recent survey. Laura Hinson investigates

A

poll released this week has revealed that the public has a worrying lack of knowledge and understanding about sex.

The Family Planning Association conducted a poll of 495 people, and staggeringly some believed that exercise or urinating after sex could prevent pregnancy, while 50% of adults did not know when is the most fertile point of a women’s menstrual cycle.

The Family Planning Association concluded that massive changes in sex education need to take place.

Researchers at Coventry seem to think that lessons should be tailored to pupils’ own sexual experiences. The government has responded by saying that it is up to teachers to decide how sex education can be improved.

There is currently a requirement that sex education must be taught as part of a teaching programme, but there are no rules over the content that must be covered, leading to suggestions that lessons are too biological.

It is absolutely outrageous that a third of the adults questioned thought that exercise, douching or urinating after sex could stop a woman getting pregnant and 89% did not realise sperm could live inside a woman's body for up to seven days.

When questioned about the sex education they received at school, only four percent said their teaching was excellent, while 38% described it as poor and 18% said they did not get any.

These statistics highlight just how much the current system of providing sex education is failing, and also that

people are actually aware of this. The Family Planning Association has also suggested that improved access to sexual health clinics could help to build upon adults’ current sexual knowledge.

But surely targeting adults is far too late?

Coventry University researchers agreed that sex education standards were not good enough, pointing out that school pupils have hugely varying sexual experiences and needed teaching to which they could relate. In a survey of 3,800 pupils aged 13 to 16, a quarter were found to be sexually active, with nearly half of those not using contraception every time.

One suggestion of improving the situation was to bring in computer programmes that could offer tailored education that can help to relate to individuals.

Freedom of content has led to suggestions that lessons are too biological In today’s society we are constantly bombarded with highly sexualised images and messages. Yet this survey has proved that we are not equipped with the facts about sex and reproduction.

It is also shocking to note that last week Marie Stopes International said that it had carried out almost 6,000 abortions in January – more than any time in its 32-year history. Surely this is a massive indication of the improvement in sex education that needs to be made.

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COMMENT@gairrhydd.COM

?

13

OPINION

FEBUARY.26.2007

? ? The Ridler ??

Rids’ Room 101 Our resident embittered columnist on those underrated little gems and overrated annoyances that might not have occurred to everyone

R

ight. Generally I discuss some issue here but this week’s format will be slightly different. I intend to discuss a number of things that have been on my mind, looking at some of the most underrated and overrated things going, while pointing out any important nuisances or grievances on the way. Two reasons for this, one, because I think it might make a nice change and be marginally less boring and two, because, in fact, I can. Here goes:

Living beyond your means Massively underrated. I love living beyond my means, it is in fact a quintessential part of student life. As I have no substantial monthly income (bear in mind loans don’t count) I am constantly living beyond my means, as are probably most of you out there. And let’s be honest, it’s pretty bloody brilliant. If you don’t live beyond your means as a student you do one of two things: sit in front of the tv and never go out or buy anything or work all hours god sends. Us living-beyondour-means types on quite the other hand get to buy all manner of useless possessions and drink till we forget how little we have left in the bank.

Truly, ‘tis the life of kings.

Lidl Condoms One of my little worries in life this.

If there are two things in life that you want to be completely and utterly reliable, one would think that it would be your parachute and your condoms.

Personally, I wouldn’t buy my parachute from Lidl. Now, granted, no condom is ever going to be 100% unbreakable. As much as a method of contraception might have a good reputation they always have the little disclaimer that is enough to deflate the most thoughtless of us at the crucial moment: the reminder that this just might lead to a little, smelly, screaming human being hanging around your feet for the next eighteen years. Really though, if it comes to choosing between Lidl’s imported Eastern European condoms and a good old pack of Durex, I’d stump up the extra 50p every time. Mind you, s’pose it’s better than using a sweet wrapper. Or a sock.

Short people with umbrellas Short people with umbrellas. I just want to say it twice so that everyone understands the menace that these people are to the fully-grown adult society. If you happen to be around about

?

State of the Union

Future of the student parliament

F

UMBRELLAS: Not for short people six-two, what you’ll probably have noticed is that short people’s umbrellas come up to about your face. Now it may be that short people just can’t see over their super-sized umbrellas, or it may be that they are all pursuing their undersized vendetta against the less vertically challenged of us in society.

Yet I find that they seem to have a disturbing habit of finding my face with their specially sharpened little barbs. I suppose we’ll never know what really is going on, but I have a feeling I may have more umbrella-based injuries in the future. I’m sorry, my squat friends, somebody just had to say it.

Walking home in the rain when drunk Absolutely one of the most underrated life affirming things you can do.

Why not do it when you’re sober, I hear you cry. Why? Because I’d notice how wet I was getting, worry about being cold and never enjoy the experience. Every last drenching step, jumping in puddles and enjoying the numbing sensation of driving rain on my extremities and actually not caring a single tiny bit. Not even a little bit. It’s bloody brilliant really. And then getting home leaving a trail of water all the way to my bedroom and collapsing in bed, wet, cold, but ultimately, happy.

One point for you, don’t do it too often ‘cause you’ll catch a cold.

Proofreading If you are reading this and understanding it then that is entirely the work of our lovely proofreading team deciphering my poor spelling and misspellchecked (that’s one for the proofreaders, you see) verbiage. Because I

absolutely hate proofing anything, as my colleagues will undoubtedly tell you. It is the most appallingly mindnumbing thing in the world, including daytime television. And I’m really really rubbish at it. Proofers are an unappreciated thing in this business but let me tell you now I love you guys. Not like that though.

Facebook You won’t like this, but I think that Facebook is overrated. Granted, it’s only a certain amount of time before I join it but still. Overrated. Oooh controversial. Well that’s what I’m here for. Direct your letters of complaint to gairrhydd towers along with the rest of the Welsh community from a week or so ago. Thing is a few years ago if you spent your entire life inside on the computer talking to your friends online you’d have been branded a complete and utter loser, the type who writes letters into newspapers, for instance. Yet these days spending your life online, along with stalking people via the internet, is considered a socially acceptable past-time all thanks to that god-forsaken creation that is Facebook. And everything these days happens over it as well. It’s so very dull. Plus the ultimate let down… an online Facebook present on Valentine’s day. Yes, I know people who did that.

It wasn’t me either. Nothing good can come of Facebook. Fact, that is.

Cereal Food of great people. Food of busy people. Food for people who just can’t be bothered to cook. Up there with pasta as the best foods ever. Yet massively underrated. There is simply

nothing like the wonder of chilled cow juice over some sort of oat based snack to fill that gap in between breakfast (which is cereal) and lunch (normally pasta). And the beauty is it also functions as a main meal at any other time of the day, say dinner, or supper, or a post drinking munchies session. Long live cereal, and bless you Mr. Kellogg for meaning I don’t ever have to cook.

Halifax Adverts Does anyone out there actually still like these? I liked Howard, the first chap who covered Welsh legend Tom Jones’ sex bomb. He was, to say the least, a bit nifty. The latest offering on quite the other hand however is a not particularly great looking chubby woman with a voice that is in fact nothing other than pretty crap. And to top it all she sings an extremely dodgy song, so unremarkable in fact is this song that I can’t remember what it was a rip-off of. Halifax, two words for you. Stop it.

Being a University Snob Great fun this. I know that it’s not necessarily, ‘fair’ or ‘right’ or any other of those annoying normative statements but it is funny. Cardiff may not be the best university in the world but it ain’t half bad and if you can take it I see no good reason for you not to dish it out. With such prime targets locally as Glamorgan, Swansea and UWE in the locality the situation could not be much better for some easy slating either. I just regret the fact that university building policies in the 1970s were deemed to expensive. Fancy a trip to the University of Slough, anyone?

or those of you lucky enough to have sat through four glorious hours of AGM last week you’ll have seen the birth of our new rising democratic institution, Student Parliament.

If you left early though you’ll have missed the chance to witness the next most important challenge in the development of student parliament; the number of people present at the AGM slumping to within a hair’s breadth of losing quoracy, meaning that the whole meeting would have had to have been recalled as there were not enough people to validate the motions.

Within an hour of being in it’s swaddling clothes student parliament was moved straight into accident and emergency, trampled by the rush for the doors.

If students can’t stomach long meetings (and speaking personally, I can’t) in a pure democratic style as seen at the AGM, then parliament will need some amending, because essentially the make up of parliament will be the same as the AGM, although notably smaller.

It’s worth pointing out that this was, by my experience, a pretty well run and well chaired debate with some interesting issues, so they aren’t likely to get much better.

Clubs need to take an interest, and want to be there, but above and beyond that, meeting times will have to be limited. Three hours just won’t cut it. A few ideas have been floated around, from cutting back speaking time to preparing the meetings earlier, but ultimately it will be down to the first few parliaments to iron out the creases. Put it on the ground and see how they run.

President Joe seems to have a few ideas in this direction from what I’ve heard which is promising. Because if this isn’t sorted out in this executives tenure it could be too late, and it would be a crying shame for the biggest step forward in student representation here for a long time.

14 gairrhydd

LETTERS

FEBRUARY.26.2007 LETTERS@gairrhydd.COM

letters@gairrhydd.com @

So, let’s hear what people have been moaning about this week...

Dear gair rhydd,

THERE’S OBVIOUSLY nothing wrong with celebrating ones cultural heritage, but what happens when that lighthearted celebration turns to zeal which progresses to vehemence and in almost inevitably becomes ranging xenophobic paranoia? You get fools like Nick Griffin, Gerry Adams and our very own resident fanatic Christopher Trefor Davies, Chair of ‘Cymru Rhydd’.

Firstly he states that the English students of Cardiff University are living “in a foreign nation-Cymru”, that, of course, is complete rubbish. Wales and England are both two of the constituent parts of the same nation, the United Kingdom, and have been since the Act of Union in 1536. Both countries use identical laws and legal systems and both send elected representatives to the House of Commons while Welsh Peers, both appointed and hereditary, sit side by side with their English, Scottish and Northern Irish counterparts, all of whom pass legislation to govern the United Kingdom. To suggest Wales is a foreign nation shows complete ignorance of almost 500 years of British history and the modern political process.

Davies carries on his rant by suggesting that non-Welsh speaking inhabitants of Wales should be subjected to punitive taxes to encourage them to learn Welsh. I have news for him, this is not the utopian independent Peoples Republic of Cymru he no doubt dreams about, this in the United Kingdom and we are still a free and fair democratic society. If you want people to integrate you encourage them by demonstrating it’s in their interest too, you don’t punish them for

Clements has the greatest gran ever. Fact Hey Christos, cheer up, we still love your face xx

not trying. Perhaps Davies should look at the oppressive English Government who are attempting to get immigrants to integrate by encouraging the learning of English in order to facilitate the finding of jobs and so forth and ask himself why such an oppressive regime and the people it represents are not insisting on similar punitive taxes to the ones he suggests should be enforced here?

But lets us put all this aside, lets us assume that Davies is correct and that ‘Anglo-centric Imperialism’ must be challenged, the logical conclusion is that Wales, England, Scotland and Northern Ireland go their separate ways. But why should that be the end of it? Each of these sub-nations are equally an invention as the United Kingdom itself, something usually glossed over by nationalists in this Celtic revival we seem to be presently enduring. Why should the people of Orkney be content to remain part of an independent Scotland when culturally they’re linked to Norway? Why should Cornwall be prepared to be the only Celtic land not to retreat to its ethnolinguistic heartland? Why should the urbanised and Anglophone South Welsh, myself included, be prepared to remain in a nation of which there have little cultural and linguistic ties to and when they have more in common with the people of cosmopolitan Bristol than the people of a rural backwater hick town such as Llanelli?

Why should all this not be permitted to happen and why should Britain not become a happy patchwork of small nations divided up arbitrarily on cultural and linguistic lines, such as the former Yugoslavia? Because, of course, of the unhappy group of nations that are the former Yugoslavia.

Mark, PhD History and Politics

read his words If I pass one more Socialist Student stall I’m going to start some shit

KaBlaaaa!

Claire is cutting my hair

Facebook has stolen my clock (metaphor - or is it?)

Panton, get off the Scarface and lick my cutlery clean

If Ridler wears green, covered in question marks, then I’ll

Brodie’s mum: pleasant hippy BigHouse rules

text: 07813753762 Please note: new number

Cultural ignorance

Extreme uni prices Dear gair rhydd, IN RESPONSE to a letter complaining about prices in the cafes around campusIi have to say I agree. .Instead I had bought half a cup of boiling water with a dash of coco-powder in it I went into the cyber cafe in the Psychology building the other day when it snowed to buy a hot chocolate. The drinks dispenser filled the cup just under half way.

When I took it to the till to pay I was horrified to hear it was going to cost my 95 of my hard earned pennies but as it was so cold I decided to pay. One sip of the brew told me that I had not purchased a hot chocolate like iIthought, instead I had bought half a cup of boiling water with a dash of coco-powder in it. I had forked out 95 pense for half a cup of hot, brown, flavourless water. We are students and if the catering division are going to rip us off they could at least have the decency to be subtle about it!

Frustrated second year.

Gay sheep response Dear gair rhydd, IN RESPONSE to the nameless he/she who wrote in last week regarding my gay sheep article, I stand corrected. I apologise for

letter of the week

Dear gair rhydd, I FEEL I must object to part of the editorial written in last week’s paper (‘Parliament: we must make it work’, p7).

When your correspondent says that Student Council is “in no way an echo of the wider student voice”, I feel that they are insulting the work that my fellow councillors and I do every fortnight for the good of the student body. The very fact that students are part of Council means that, in some way at least, there is a reflection of current student opinion. This has led to some stellar work over the last few years, including lobbying Parliament, whole-scale revision of the Sabbatical positions, producing

the inaccurate information and hope that your letter has put this matter straight.

I would, however, like to defend my line of thought from your scathing tones. The article, whilst based on an inaccurate premise, still raises issues that are in need of consideration, and open to a diverse range of opinions.

Although these particular experiments, as you very well contend, are not the appropriate case to instigate such discussion, science and social ethics remain a fascinating and critical topic.

You may wish to label certain historical and political events as ‘student favourites’ (as if student was a dirty word) but this cannot prevent them from shaping our society. There will undoubtedly be experiments in the future that demand consideration of historical and political context to inform its ethical progression. I feel that this is not just a ‘student’ issue.

Hollie Clemence

salient campaigns, a review of the AU and Society budgets, debates on countless environmental and social issues and much, much more.

I accept that Student Council is not wholly representative, and the proposal that the Executive team are to fully introduce at the AGM is a positive step forward in having a more representative Students’ Union, but this does not mean that all that has gone before now has been an unrepresentative waste of our time; this simply is not true: Student Council has always tried to work for the benefit of all students, to a great extent successfully.

Ben Hill, Student Councillor

gairrhydd.com comments

Name: Gail Article in Question: Genetic Selection- Issue 834 Comment: People born with disabilites have been around forever. disability is natural! It is not a reason for termination when you are setting out to get pregnant! Disability can come from a birth defect, or an accident later in life. My daughter born with a disablility has the same right to life as the next child.

retractions and corrections

In Quench Issue 49, the Going Out Section reviewed the cafe ‘The Plan.’ This review inculuded an error - that meals started from £50. We apologise sincerely for the mistake which was a typing error. We would like to make it clear that the meals start from £5.

gairrhydd

15

POLITICS

FEBRUARY.26.2007 POLITICS@gairrhydd.COM

Withdrawal symptoms

As UK forces prepare to exit Iraq, Political Editor Andy Rennison argues that troops are not the issue

O

ver four years, Iraq has become a byword for bad news. The suicide bombings and fallen soldiers that once made the headlines now form an endless undercurrent, quietly sustaining our country's sense of disaster.

But on Wednesday, the beginning of the end seemed to finally rear its head.

Tony Blair's announcement of the first stages towards withdrawal from Iraq followed months of political and media interrogation over Britain's exit timetable.

Critics from all quarters have naturally expressed their approval, though without letting anyone forget those past decisions that have brought us to this point.

Sir Menzies Campbell, stuttering over his Commons' retort like an ageing priest, reminded the Prime Minister that “we will leave behind a country on the brink of civil war”.

The Lib Dem leader's sentiments were echoed by the anti-war contingent, whose voices have eulogised Iraq as the catastrophic failure of Blair's tenure.

Yet such epitaphs are as misguided as the declarations and dossiers that gave birth to this whole debacle.

Our armed forces will not be leaving behind 'Iraq' as we understand it: a quagmire of violence and destruction.

They leave the south, a region that has relatively little bearing on the ongoing

calamity.

Since D-day, it has been clear that Basra is a world apart from Baghdad.

Its Shia community has seen little of the sectarian bloodshed that is reducing the north to corpses and rubble, while insurgents from across Iraq's borders have largely headed straight for the nearest American flag.

UK troops have of course endured their share of combat, operating in provinces that still retain their potential for collapse.

But having handed over an unrivalled degree of control to domestic forces, the British situation in Iraq cannot be blurred in with that of the country as a whole.

Not that any of this was going to stop the Bush administration. US VicePresident Cheney, desperate for a foothold amid disintegrating popular support, claimed that the announcement proved that Iraq is capable of progress, and that the coalition's strategy of handing over control was working.

But no amount of spin can cloak the fact that the two allied forces are on different rungs of the rickety Iraq ladder; that on some levels there has never been a coalition, such is the faultline between the US and UK scenarios.

And yet, we now witness Westminster attempting to muddy the water by resigning 'Iraq' to the past

tense.

In broad terms, British involvement in the invasion and subsequent occupation has never been primarily about troops - how could it be, with UK forces stationed in a relatively benign corner?

Our direct military influence on the daily horrors of Iraq has been negligible. It is our political sway that has, or should have, been of the most significance since 2003.

By standing with the Americans but taking a military backseat, the government's responsibility was to throw its weight around in Washington. But within months of Saddam's fall, it was clear that Britain itself had fallen to the political rear.

Despite this, many of our politicians appear to be hiding behind this British pull out, attempting to inch their way out of Iraq entirely.

Yet our role has not changed. Our obligation has been and still is to the Americans - to be the tugboat to their supertanker.

Though we may have failed to that end as of today, this chief political responsibility should not be abandoned until our Atlantic neighbours depart for home, regardless of our own troops' withdrawal.

If the Commons, the Government and the PM fail in this, it will be a bitterly fitting end to Britain's tragedy of errors in Iraq.

FAREWELL: UK troops will fall by 1,600 in a matter of months

This was underlined by the murder of Lyn and Megan Russell in 1996 by Michael Stone, a dangerous psychopath, who could not be detained in hospital despite his personality disorder.

Many consider personality disorders to be untreatable. The government's action would have removed the 'treatability test' from the law, which requires that for someone to be detained in a hospital, it has to be for treatment.

It would have replaced the test with the new concept of 'appropriate treatment,' which includes the detention of people who might be a risk to the public.

Psychiatrists opposed the idea, as they believe themselves to be doctors, not jailers

DETENTION: the Lords rejected locking up psychiatric patients

Mental blocked Aisling Tempany Political Correspondent

T

he conflict between civil liberties and the need to protect the public was highlighted last week by disputes over the new Mental Health Act. On

Monday the House of Lords rejected reforms to the proposed bill for a third time.

Among its reforms, the bill included the complex issue of detaining people with 'Dangerous and Severe Personality Disorder' who are classed as dangerous to the public, even if

their condition is considered untreatable.

The government had argued that these powers were necessary in order to protect the public, claiming that the lack of treatment, coupled with the inability to detain dangerous people, posed a serious risk.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, this change was opposed by the Lords, and by mental health charities such as Mind.

Some psychiatrists also opposed the idea of detaining people purely on the grounds of their perceived risk, as they believe themselves to be doctors, not jailers.

And civil liberties campaigners voiced their predictable opposition, denouncing the ability to detain people on the basis of what they might do, not what they had done.

The category of 'Dangerous and Severe Personality Disorder' (DSPD)

was controversial in itself. This term has no basis in law or medicine and was a classification created by a consultation paper in 1999.

The government has failed to give a clear definition of the characteristics of DSPD, a term that tends to be used in reference to extreme forms of psychopathy.

Despite the lack of clear definition, the government uses this category to refer to a small percentage of people with personality disorders. The Home Office estimated that the number of those with a DSPD was around 2,400 people.

Of that, all but a few hundred are already detained in either hospital or prison. The aims of this reform for the government were to strengthen powers to detain that small number of people, who are some of the most potentially dangerous people in the UK. However, without a clear definition being provided, this reform could possibly have been misunderstood, and taken out of its original context.

The charity Mind welcomed the Lords’ rejection of the bill. On Tuesday the chief executive of Mind, Paul Farmer, stated: “legislative solutions should not rest in mental health you cannot ask doctors to act as jailers, detaining such a person in the health system. Health legislation must focus on health problems.” The government must now consider whether to challenge the Lords' rejection, or accept this damaging defeat.

What do you think?

Add your comments to this article on www.gairrhydd.com

D C E E FR S ’ K E E W T IN NEX GAIR RHYDD

GS YOU A IN R B D D Y H R IR A G H EDITION T 0 5 ’S H C N E U Q OUND R E A T A IC S U M L A C TO CELEBR O L T THE BES F O E M O S H IT W D E K a CD PAC niversity and local are Union, U e th d n u ro a 5 h rc a M Available on

gairrhydd

SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT

FEBRUARY.26.2007

PHOTO: RICHARD PICKETT

SCIENCE@gairrhydd.COM

Kees Moeliker has crossed several knowledge boundaries in his observation of the Mallard.

Moeliker is Curator of Birds at the National History Museum Rotterdam, and the Annals of Improbable Research European Bureau Chief.

Another drake mallard approached it, pecked it a bit before it mounted the corpse He was awarded the 2003 1g Nobel Biology Prize for the first scientifically recorded case of homosexual necrophilia in the Mallard Duck. He reports how he observed a duck fly into the window of his office, falling dead on the ground below. Consequently, another drake mallard approached it, pecked it a bit before it ‘mounted the corpse and started to copulate, with great force’.SH

Kees Moeliker

17

Documented the first scientifically recorded case of homosexual necrophilia in the Mallard Duck

Francis Fesmire Curing hiccups through rectal massage Francis Fesmire, of the University of Tennessee College of Medicine, has found the cure for chronic hiccups, but beware - it’s not one to give your flatmates. The condition was brought to Fesmire’s attention when asked to cure a patient who had been suffering for three days, hiccupping up to every two seconds.

Inspiration came in the form of ‘rectal massage’ Rogue electrical impulses in the vagus nerve are thought to cause the attacks, and Fesmire aimed to relieve them through stimulation of the area.

Inspiration came in the form of ‘rectal massage’ with a finger successfully stimulating the unruly vagus nerve.

However, further research found that ‘sex culminating in orgasm’ is probably just as effective. FF

The Ig Nobel Awards hit Cardiff

Science talks you through the eminent scientists awarded for their improbable research Caroline Mills The man who smelled very bad

PHOTO: ED SALTER

Ig Nobel prizewinner of 1998 Caroline Mills was awarded for her work with a man who pricked his finger on a chicken bone resulting in a putrid smell for five years.

The man's arm released such a bad odour it was intolerable to be in a small room with him.

Extensive research found the cause was Clostridium novyi bacteria found in poultry, but extensive antibiotic treatment failed to cure it.

This unique condition was the result of a ‘blind spot’ for clearing the organisms, so not an unfortunate side effect for most poultry workers. JE

Max Whitby & Fiona Barclay The Periodic Table Table Max Whitby and Fiona Barclay, won the 2002 1g Nobel Chemistry Prize for their Periodic Table Table, a piece of furniture made from most of the elements on the chart. However, the creation does exclude materials that are overtly lethal or have miniscule half lives. Max has recently completed a Research Masters in Nanomaterials at Imperial College London, previous to his scientific study working 10 years at the BBC, directing Tomorrow’s World.

Fiona is responsible for marketing a growing range of educational resources based on the periodic table at the Red Green Blue Research Company. SE

Teenager repellent

Howard Stapleton Howard Stapleton, MD of a Welsh security company, struck gold with his research into high frequency sound alarms. He developed a device that emits a high-pitched mosquito-like buzz, which can only be heard by people under thirty, predominantly teenagers. The innovation was immediately put to test in a shopping centre, and got off to a promising start by driving away the hoodie-clad little buggers hanging around outside. Crushingly, though, the next day all of Stapleton’s good work was destroyed when the little chavs came back and ripped the buzzer off the wall. Better luck next time! FF

Listen to some of these winners and more at the Julian Hodge lecture theatre at 7pm on March 9. No reservations are needed, but seating is strictly first come first seated. Free entry

gairrhydd 19

FEATURES

FEBRUARY.26.2007 FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

Hollywood saving the world... again Spielberg calls ‘Action’ to encourage communication between Israel and Palestine Kirsty Page Features Writer

F

rom the adventures of Indiana Jones, to a great white terrorising Amity Island, to that adorable alien three million light years from home, everyone knows Steven Spielberg’s work. His films have earned him Oscars, Golden Globes and Directors’ Guild Awards to name a few.

Spielberg has directed, produced or executively produced eight out of the thirty top grossing films of all time.

Entertaining the world for decades, with titles such as Amistad, Jurassic Park and Saving Private Ryan under his belt, it’s hard to imagine cinema without Steven Spielberg.

By the age of 22 he was signed by Universal. A 26 minute film called Amblin’ opened the gateway to the industry and the rest, as they say, is history.

Better known than Spielberg’s successes is the ongoing IsraeliPalestinian conflict in the Middle East.

There is no escaping the media attention that it receives, with stories filling the news as the disputes continue between Israelis and Palestinians.

The division of land, the 1948 ArabIsraeli war and the 1967 six-day war have contributed much to the tension between Israelis and Palestinians. The conflict is extremely complex and volatile and I am not pretending that I know everything there is to know, but the troubles are impossible to ignore.

Spielberg has recently launched a new project aimed at helping relations between the two sides. Video cameras will be issued to young Israelis and Palestinians alongside training to help them make films about their everyday lives.

These documentaries will show the conditions under which each person lives, show who they are, and what they believe in; they will then be swapped to give everyone a chance at seeing how the other side lives. The documentaries will then be edited and made into a joint film.

Spielberg hopes that from this, “They will be able to see the other sides of life and learn that we are all human beings who want to live in peace.” The project is aimed at youths and this in itself makes a lot of sense; if you want your child to grasp a concept, you teach it to them when they are young. The age-old debate of nature versus nurture is appropriate here: nature plays a part, but the impact of upbringing is unquestionable. Spielberg targeting the youth is a way of creating understanding at an age where steadfast opinions and stereotypes have not yet been solidi-

fied in their minds.

I remember being struck in a history lesson at school by the pictures of German and British troops playing a football match in the famous 1914 Christmas truce across the trenches during World War I. It seemed so odd that two sets of people fighting against one another in a war could play sport together. It was as if they were fighting for an idea rather than the people who represented that idea.

To this end, do not the majority of people have similar sets of values? Do most people not want the same thing: security, peace and a safe place to live?

Just as the soldiers in the pictures saw the opposition as actual people not so different from themselves, so Spielberg’s idea encompasses this logic and is an attempt to take it one step further and stop fighting happening in the first place.

Do most people not want the same thing: security, peace and a safe place to live?

As a Jew himself, Spielberg has done much to raise awareness of what it means to be a Jew today. His film Schindler’s List won seven BAFTAs in 1994 and is a film that few people forget once they have watched it. The profits made from the film which Spielberg dubbed as ‘blood money’, were used to set up The Righteous Persons Foundation in 1994, supporting organisations that aim to strengthen Jewish life in the USA. It funds projects that encourage Jewish learning and promote tolerance and intergroup relations through the media.

The same year saw the creation of the Shoah Foundation, which Spielberg helped to set up. ‘Shoah’ is Hebrew for calamity or catastrophe and the foundation records the stories of Holocaust survivors. The number of testimonies stands at 50,000 to date.

The testimonies come not only from Jews but also from homosexuals, Jehovah’s Witnesses and political prisoners, along with others who were affected. Spielberg produced The Last Days, the Shoah Foundation’s third documentary that won the Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature.

It focuses on five Hungarian Jews who each tell their own personal story about life in concentration camps and the suffering they bore for being a Jew. The Shoah Foundation’s CEO,

Doug Greenberg, believes that highlighting the violence that comes from cultural clashes is key to the Foundation; the contribution that it makes is “how to document those things using video and how to make them accessible to others.”

Awareness and visual recognition of global violence could be seen as crucial in the fight to stop history repeating itself. The current crisis in Sudan is receiving far more attention than Rwanda in 1994. The awareness that organisations such as the Shoah Foundation raise could be accountable for the increased consciousness regarding such situations.

The media has long been an effective source of information and a way of reaching people. Imagine the newspapers with no pictures, or the news with no interviews or video clips.

Spielberg’s recent film Munich, focusing on the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympics is set to finance another project called the Fund for Coexistence, although the name is not yet confirmed. Like the Righteous Person’s foundation it will use the media as a way of promoting understanding between those of different cultures. It will not focus solely on the Jewish community, unlike the Righteous Person’s Foundation, whose aim is to support Jewish life in the USA. Trying to reach people through cultural means is not a new conception.

One of the other most well known campaigners for inter-cultural relations is the Argentine-born Israeli pianist and conductor, Daniel Barenboim.

Together with the late Edward Said, a Palestinian writer and university professor, they collaborated and instigated the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra, consisting of Israelis and Palestinians as well as youths from Lebanon, Jordan, Egypt, Syria and Tunisia. Two people, who politically should be worlds apart, shared the same vision for a stable Israeli/Palestinian future.

The orchestra has performed all over the world, most famously in the towns of Ramallah and Bir Zeit in the West Bank.

Of course these examples of both Spielberg and Barenboim’s work are not the simple solution to a highly complex and delicate situation, but they are a step in the right direction. If there is no understanding and interaction between Israelis and Palestinians then the struggle for peace becomes ten times harder.

Barenboim’s orchestra and Spielberg’s projects are not in themselves going to achieve peace, but a way to help close

the gap that exists between the two opposing sides. Barenboim says of his orchestra that it is ‘an orchestra against ignorance’, one that is not part of the political agenda but an example of a productive co-existence. The work of both Spielberg and Barenboim has and will inevitably continue to receive criticism; how can peace be reached through a few films and recitals?

But solving one of the biggest conflicts in history is not what these two men are about. Of course picking up a camera or a clarinet is not going to solve the whole problem but it is a way of encouraging interaction between two groups that have a long-standing historical rift between them; an attempt to come to a better understanding and acceptance of each other’s beliefs.

The Israeli/Palestinian conflict is not going to be solved overnight but in a world with so many battles to be fought, any attempt at bringing those of different cultures together and creating a better understanding, has to be applauded.

20 gairrhydd

HEALTH

M

any victims of liver disease are not alcoholics, and even moderate social drinkers are at risk from liver damage.

Alcohol is one cause of liver disease, but just one of many, and the risk depends on how much you drink and over how long a period.

Some people are more sensitive to alcohol than others, so there is no such thing as a “safe” amount, although doctors recommend no more than two drinks a day.

Women appear to be more likely to suffer liver damage through drinking alcohol Even moderate amounts of alcohol can have toxic effects when taken with over-the-counter drugs which contain acetaminophen.

Alcoholic hepatitis is frequently discovered in alcoholics, but can also occur in non-alcoholics. The way a liver can react to alcohol varies from person to person.

Alcoholic hepatitis is an inflammation of the liver that lasts one to two weeks. Symptoms include loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain and tenderness, fever, jaundice, and occasionally, mental confusion. It is believed to lead to alcoholic cirrhosis, a permanent damage to liver cells, over a period of years.

Women appear to be more likely to suffer liver damage through drinking alcohol. Even when a man and a woman have the same weight and drink the same amount, the woman generally has a higher concentration of alcohol in the blood as she has more body fat and less water than the man. Her body handles the alcohol differently.

HEALTH@gairrhydd.COM

Don’t give up on giving up As the smoking ban gets closer to being enforced in Wales, Health offers some advice to potential non-smokers .

A

fter a big night out, the hangover the next day is not the only thing some people dread. The smell of cigarettes that linger on clothes and hair can also be a problem.

However from April 2, 2007, this is all set to change as it will no longer be legal to smoke in public spaces such as pubs, clubs and restaurants. Smokers will be forced to take their cigarettes outside which is good news for nonsmokers. But what does the future hold for those who do indulge themselves.?

For some, the ban is seen as the perfect opportunity to quit once and for all.

But as most people are aware, getting unhooked is not the easiest thing to do.

So why is quitting such a good idea?

The most obvious reason would be to improve your health. By quitting you should see drastic improvements in breathing and general fitness. It can also reduce the risk smokers face of being diagnosed with life-threatening conditions such as cancer, heart disease and lung disease. Some experts also believe that smoking can be a factor in infertility, so by giving up, you can increase your chances of having children. Smoking can also effect your tastebuds, so food becomes more enjoyable once you have given up.

As well as being bad for your health, smoking can have a negative impact on your appearance. Ditching the habit can leave skin looking healthier, teeth looking whiter and can reduce the amount of wrinkles. Plus the smell of tobacco will no longer linger.

Smoking is not just bad for the person who does it. People around them can also suffer from poor health.

Second-hand smoke can damage almost every organ in the body.

Smoking in a car is especially bad because the smoke is contained in a small space. Passive smoking increases the risk of lung cancer by 24% and heart disease by 25%.

The first step to stopping is to decide to do it. A good tip is to remember why you first started smoking. Was it peer pressure, or an attempt to look older perhaps? Does it still seem like a good reason? Then consider why it is you want to stop. It can improve your health, appearance and save money in the long run. You will also be helping the health of loved ones.

The next step is to prepare how to stop. Willpower is important but good preparation is vital. The date which you choose to stop has to be carefully considered. It can be a goal to be worked towards when you are not quite ready to stop. It is important to choose a time which is not surrounded by stress.

Temptation is a big part of stopping smoking and not everyone knows how to resist it. Everyone has situations when they most like to smoke, such as after eating, out with friends or even when on a lunch break. By listing the situations and being aware of them, a smoker is better prepared to avoid the temptation. Patches can also help stop the cravings and increase the chances of success. They can be made available on prescriptions for some people so it can be useful to consult a doctor.

Support from family and friends is vital. Some people find it easier to make a pact with a friend to quit together. The NHS provides many expert options to help people while they quit. Advice is available over the phone, and callers can be directed to the support which is right for them, and where the services can be found.

Group meetings are also available to provide support to each other and gain advice from professionals.

They recommend that the night before you quit, all cigarettes, matches and lighters are thrown away in an attempt to avoid temptation. Ashtrays can also be a reminder of what they have given up.

Withdrawal symptoms are usually the worst part of the quitting process, but they should only last a few weeks.

They are the way your body shows it is

becoming used to the change.

It is important to remind yourself everyday why you are doing this, especially when the cravings are becoming too strong. Some people put the money they save in a jar to measure their success. they use it as a goal, to be able to buy themselves a reward to celebrate not smoking. Others use it to buy chewing gum and sweets which can combat the cravings.

If you do give in to temptation, it is not the end of the world and you have not failed. Take the time to decide if stopping smoking is what you really want, and if it is, it is important to start again straight away. Throw away the remaining cigarettes, and remove yourself from temptation. Then set yourself a new challenge, and start the process again.

www.gairrhydd.com

Smoking is not alone as the only ‘sociable’ habit that can play havoc with your health

FEBRUARY.26.2007

gairrhydd 21

HEALTH

FEBRUARY.26.2007 HEALTH@gairrhydd.COM

Fitness first gairrhydd

Health month special

Four weeks ago these people wanted to get fitter and be more healthy. They tried to follow the advice given by the Union during health month and now, a month on, we see how well they did.

Name: Katy Dobbs Title: Societies and International Officer I've definitely felt much healthier this month, which is surprising as it's been a very stressful few weeks! Normally in these times of crisis when I'm organising massive events the first thing I reach for is the ciggies, but I've been very restrained. I'm not going to lie (namely because I was caught out at the gair rhydd editor's birthday party!) I've had a few cigarettes, but considerably fewer that usual. Not eating sweets has somewhat fallen by the way side, but I've cut my pink refresher and skittle consumption by half! I'm looking forward to weighing myself at the end of the month...

Name: Ed Jones Title: Vice President I really enjoyed engaging with the Health Month programme. I started doing lots more exercise, especially at the weekends. The charity run last weekend was anything but fun, especially as I was in costume. The parts where Joe “I'm built for power and strength not for running” Al-Khayat and myself were stood around the course drinking water cheering other people on were less painful. I crossed the line in a sprint finish with a man twice my size which suggests there’s work to be done. Many thanks to Woody and Kate, plus all the staff, who made it happen.

I also haven’t drunk or smoked in cigarettes and alcohol week.

Name: Amy Harrison Course: English Literature Without a doubt the most beneficial lifestyle change I have made this month has been going to the gym. Four weeks ago five minutes on the treadmill nearly killed me. Now, I can run for twenty-five minutes and still be smiling. Although I never thought it was possible to combine student life with a healthy lifestyle, this month I’ve proven myself wrong. After swapping lie-ins for workouts, pints for shorts and kebabs for dried apricots, I feel significantly healthier and a lot fitter.

It is possible to be a healthy student and I fully intend to keep this up now that health month is over.

Katy (the apple) and Ed (the beer bottled) running the Fun Run

Name: Rosanne White Course: English Literature

Name: Katie Kennedy Course: Journalism, Film and Broadcasting

I’m the first to admit that maybe I’ve not been the most disciplined follower of health month, particularly as everyone I know seems to have celebrated their birthdays in the last few weeks. But although I’ve not really cut back on the drinking side of things, I’ve been focusing on getting fitter, by rejoining the kickboxing club, which is a great way to get fit and going on regular runs around the park. I’ve also invested in some cookbooks and have been trying out some new recipes that incorporate five fruit and veg into my daily diet.

My health month has been plagued by the flu and then a virus, so overall to be honest I haven't been feeling that healthy. I have generally been eating better though by not heading to the supermarket for dinner, and trying to only going to the butchers and the fruit and veg shop on Crwys Road. Thursdays editing news at the gair rhydd have undoubtedly been the worst though due to many sugary drinks and takeaways to get through the day! I'm going to carry on trying to eat better, and I love how much cheaper local shops are compared to the supermarkets. If I could do health month again, I'd want to not be ill at the start of it!

22 gairrhydd

MEDIA

FEBRUARY.26.2007 MEDIAS@gairrhydd.COM

The Head-Turning 1994 Wonderbra advert

Sexy selling Does sex not sell anymore? Amy Davies looks at our immunity to sexed-up adverts

I

t’s an old formula, cliché, adage, whatever you want to call it – everyone knows that in the world of advertising, sex sells. Or does it? With more and more research suggesting otherwise, we question whether consumers are growing weary of the constant barrage of buff bodies on display and instead leaning more towards new and inventive advertising styles?

Remember the 1994 “Hello Boys” Wonderbra advert? Of course you do, it is ingrained in our cultural subconscious, forever enshrined as the holy grail of sexy advertising. It increased the sales of Wonderbra astronomically and caused distracted drivers to swerve into distracted pedestrians (apparently). Here of course lies the all important difference, that is, between sex and sexy.

A spokesman for the Institute of Practitioners in Advertising has stated that “sexy sells much better than sex”, further adding “the gratuitous

use of sexual imagery is a turn off”.

The woman in her bra was sexy yes, gratituous, no.

The controversy of sex(y) advertising probably does more for the selling power of the brand than the sex itself, as could be witnessed by the 2000 Yves Saint Laurent campaign featuring a naked Sophie Dahl which was eventually banned by the Advertising Standards Authority.

Cries up and down the land of “have you seen that Sophie Dahl advert?” inevitably went up, but the question is – did sales of Yves Saint Laurent perfume increase? There may have been an increase in perfume sales generally, but was the brand remembered upon purchase?

This has posed an intriguing question for researchers and advertisers alike who have recently come to the conclusion that although sexual advertising or adverts appearing in sexually-orientated programming inevitably led to a greater purchase intent, brand recall suffered. The

Wonderbra advert may have been successful because the brand was already well established and was indeed known as ‘the Wonderbra ad’ rather than ‘the Sophie Dahl ad’ as in the Yves Saint Laurent campaign.

Furthermore, the gratuitous imagery used by YSL may have been a turn off compared to the tamer Wonderbra ad.

Tellingly however, these adverts are six and thirteen years old, a long time in the advertising world. Either the sexy adverts are starting to die down or we’re just failing to pay attention to them anymore. Over the past ten or fifteen years, the taboos regarding sex and sexual imagery have all but disappeared. However, this has not unleashed a free-for-all of pornography masquerading as a selling technique; it seems Britain at least still has some morals.

Alternatively, once advertising could utilise all this sexual imagery, the desire and controversy was gone.

Once you can have something, you

“It increased the sales of Wonderbra astronomically and caused distracted drivers to swerve into distracted pedestrians (apparently)” don’t want it anymore.

Many may believe that sex in advertising is indicative of the late twentieth/early twenty-first century society’s hedonistic approach to lifestyle, but can in fact be traced back as far as advertising itself.

Obviously these images were fairly tame compared to today’s standards, but were sexualised nonetheless.

Back then slapping an image of a scantily-clad sexy lady alongside a picture of your product was a guaranteed formula for sales increase, no matter what it was. Sexual advertising may have had its heyday in the sexually liberated days of the sixties and seventies, and reached its peak in the eighties and nineties, but the slow decline ever since can be attributed to the massive increase in media awareness among consumers, as well as a general feeling of “so what, I’ve seen this all before.”

The clever campaigner needs to think of new ways of grabbing audiences’ attention. If the once fail-safe option of sex is running out, what can advertisers use as an alternative? With more and more sexy images out there but fewer and fewer of them having the same impact they would have had, say, twenty years ago, advertisers must search for new ideas if they are to keep selling us their products.

Perhaps new ways of utilising the

power of sex in other arenas can be used instead. Forget the traditional canon of beer, cars and aftershave, Mexican advertisers used a sexy model to promote the protection of an endangered species of turtle; this was shocking simply because the image is so far removed from what would normally be used in this kind of campaign. If all the advertiser can do now is shock, this leads us to question of what sex will be used to advertise next - lightbulbs?

Recycling? Stair lifts?

Although it seems shock tactics may be the only way forward, as the years roll by and the shocks get smaller, just what will it take to stun us into buying a product? The advertisers have two choices, either push the boundaries more, or find a new route of advertisement. One thing’s for sure, if the trend continues on in this manner, don’t be surprised if twenty years from now, instead of a young woman cavorting with a sports car inside your newspaper, advertisers will have done the ultimate in shock tactics: tell us what the product is intended for and what it does!

And so to answer the question – does sex sell? In short – yes, but for how much longer?

What do you think?

Add your comments to this article on www.gairrhydd.com

gairrhydd

23

JOBS & MONEY

FEBRUARY.26.2007 JOBS@gairrhydd.COM

Jobs&Money expert special

You could be poorer than you think Too many students miss out on free money because they don’t think they are poor enough to apply for University hardship grants Ben Lewis and Gemma Mitchell Student Advisory Service

S

o much to do, so little money to spend… juggling a part time job and study time… and going out time? Having to skilfully budget your student loan to cover all your expenses is not easy.

The Financial Contingency Fund (FCF) could help ease your financial worries. The University is given money every year by the government to help home students experiencing financial hardship. A ‘home’ student is someone from the UK or who normally resides in the UK according to the government’s definition.

FCF can assist you with any unexpected financial difficulties which could affect your studies. It is also there to give additional support to particular groups in the student community.

For example, if you are a final year student, have pre-existing financial issues or have children,

the fund will regard you as a ‘priority group’.

This fund can also assist with compulsory course costs such as field trips, equipment, additional travel costs and healthcare expenses.

So, if you are a home student struggling to make ends meet, and you have

taken out the full student loan that you are entitled to, then the FCF may be able to help you.

You do not have to repay any grant awarded from the fund, so if it sounds like you might fit any of the descriptions above get in touch with the Student Support Centre. You can collect an application form today, and take control of your finances.

If you are worried about money, the Student Support Centre also has a team of advisers who can help you with advice on how to manage your money. You can drop in anytime or call to book an appointment with one of our advisers. One of the team will be happy to advise on budget planning, negotiate with creditors or landlords, or help with advice on how to access other available funds.

For further information, call into the Student Support Centre, 50 Park Place or 2nd Floor Cardigan House – Heath Park Campus. Or email – FCF@cardiff.ac.uk.

Student views: how the funding has helped them “The stresses of money worries have contributed to ill health which led to resits and so more debts. I wish I had applied to the fund in previous years so as to try not to get into the situation I am in now.”

“This (FCF) award has been a lifeline in helping me purchase essential course equipment. My essential living costs have been pretty much covered by my student loan, but this would have stretched to cover my course equipment.”

“I should have applied last year instead of turning to credit cards.”

“Receiving my award has lifted a huge burden from my mind. I can't see how I could afford to continue without it.”

New Cardiff University Postgraduate Access Bursary Scheme If you were recognised as an undergraduate, as coming from a low income background, or were receiving benefits prior to the start of your course, you may be eligible for a new bursary of up to £1,000. Full details and an application form can be downloaded from. www.cf.ac.uk/2527. Contact the Financial Support Team at the Student Support Centre for more information. The deadline for applications is March 19 2007.

jobshop

Kathryn Foot from the University’s Careers Service talks on work experience

T

he results of a recent survey, conducted by the Cardiff University Careers Service, revealed that work experience is a top priority for students from Cardiff University.

These findings are in line with similar surveys conducted by universities and careers groups across the UK. Potential employers are now looking for much more from our students, a good degree needs to be backed up with evidence of additional employability skills developed through extra curricular activities including work experience.

The survey, conducted at the end of the Spring Term during the previous Academic Year, received a great response with over 1,000 students responding from all departments and years across the University, ensuring a broad representation.

Students were questioned on two areas of work experience, career-related (such as placements, volunteering and internships) and paid casual work experience (e.g. bar work, retail etc).

44% of students had undertaken career-related work experience, a 16% rise on a similar survey conducted two

years ago. The majority of this work experience was undertaken during vacation periods with volunteering being the most popular choice for students.

The motivation is to improve CVs and develop skills that are required by today’s graduate recruiters. 57% of respondents also stated that the experience enhanced their academic learning. 66% of respondents were undertaking paid casual work, with 57% of this figure working more than the university recommendation of 15 hours per week.

A good degree needs to be backed up with evidence The students’ main motivator is the need to earn money - a consequence of increasing student debt. The majority of these respondents were also undertaking career-related work experience, demonstrating the pressure on students to keep their heads above water financially and to gain/develop much-needed transferable skills.

Despite the high number of students involved in casual work, surprisingly very few recognise the work experience to develop skills and inform career choice.

Casual jobs in bars etc provide skills such as time management, team working and communication skills for example, and upon reflection respondents actually realised its benefits.

This highlights the need for Personal Development Planning as a means of helping students recognise their skills development and plan for work experience. Students’ time is so precious nowadays; effective planning in this area is a must.

The University’s Careers Service was able to help 21% find relevant opportunities. There is a dedicated Work Experience Manager, drop in surgeries, workshops and a wealth of material on offer at the Service, as well as dedicated work experience schemes operating through GO Wales (www.gowales.co.uk).

Full details are provided via the web pages: www.cardiff.ac.uk/carsv/workexperience.

Please contact us on 029 2078 1535 or pop in to the Jobshop on the ground floor of the Students’ Union. Opening hours 10am-4pm Monday-Friday.

WANT TO EARN SOME EXTRA CASH? Are you free from 9am-5pm on at least 2/3 days next week (05/03-09/03) to deliver leaflets to local schools?

Contact the Jobshop on 02920 781535 or come and see us (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm, ground floor, SU building). £5.35 per hour, plus mileage allowance.

gairrhydd 25

TELEVISION

FEBRUARY.26.2007 TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

This Week’s Bitchin’s Among The Hitchins: February 26th - March 4th

Wetherfield Fire Arms

Tracy’s Not The Only Thing About to Blow in Coronation Street

HOT

NOT

Will Hitchins: “I just want to meet someone nice” says Music Editor Wil Hitchins through muffled sobs. As I type he is photoshopping his picture, to impress you, but you can’t photoshop out a beard. So, look bottom right, and get in touch. Thanks a lot.

Soaps Woe is all you cheezeball Dr Karlloving students this week as Neighbours sees Mr Kennedy hang up his stethescope. I don’t really have many deets, so to speak, ‘cause all “What’s On TV” has to say on the matter is “Karl gives up medicine.” I believe it to be something to do with goofing up over Sky’s baby and her getting all pissy.

Which seems a little ungrateful to me ‘cause it made an okay storyline. Hollyoaks has more baby-business as that blonde kid Amy gives birth to her mystery child. And John Paul visits a gay bar with Russ. This is ridiculous, he announces he’s gay so let’s herd him off to a gay bar right away and get him some cock, regardless of the fact that he’s probably not old enough to drink. What are the odds on a Ross - John Paul love storyline? That’d totally get me off.

The Twang Undoubtedly the most hideous band on the planet right now. Sounding like some awful Doves-Hard-Fi hybrid and boasting tales about how big their appendages are and how they took record labels for class A drugs, there is not a single one of us that needs these horrid people in our lives.

A

s if to taunt me in my last week of TV Desk, the nation’s televisual programmers have decided to screen nothing at all that’s worth conversation. I pity TV Choice for having to fill twenty-six pages with chitchat before they get to the listings. BUT...Coronation Street...

SO!!...it’s all going on this week.

David continues to press Tracey for sexual favours. She agrees to get down with him post-trial and somehow he’s okay with that even though obviously she won’t put out once she’s free...oh but hang on, he wants a “deposit”. Handjob it is then!? She’s just about to go through with i t ,

Fudge Tunnel 96

Film when *KNOCK KNOCK* it’s some soldiers at the door and they’ve found a world war two bomb on the street and so everybody has to be evacuated. Phew. That reminds me of my favourite joke.

Me: Knock Knock You: Who’s there?

M: Eye Mup Y: Eye Mup Who? M: Hahaha, you idiot, you just said you are a poo!

Meanwhile, Leanne Battersby is back in town and so naturally her and Jamie are gonna be getting back together again. Mind you, all

their trauma has been worth it I’m sure. Not many things bring a relationship together like sleeping with your parents, I’d imagine.

The Street’s other big story this week comes from Steve and Kym off of Hear’say. Steve wasn’t ever in Hear’say, that’s probably just bad grammar on my part. Anyway, that Sonny fella has been getting off with Sean, and so after Kym accepts Sonny’s proposal of marriage, back in The Rovers Steve is all “OMGZZZ, he’s totally bisexual”, and of course that can’t be abided.

Bye then. Sob. x

Postscript Hello. I am going to write some stuff about me here. It may appear like some self indulgent farewell message, but really it’s just because I don’t want to copy something from TV John’s (Rest In Peace) blog here again, and heaven forbid I should have to think up something exciting and insightful for a new part of TV Desk a week before I jump ship.

Anyway, yeh, I’ve been here about two years and the novelty of free pizza has worn off and coming here every week seriously bites into my ‘satathomeontheinternet’ time.

Hopefully with this new breed of young, keen TV Deskers on board it’ll get good again. If one thing can be remembered from my legacy I wish it to be that Fudge Tunnel came into being while I was here. It was nothing to do with me mind you, but still, who doesn’t like to see

eXistenZ (BBC2, Friday, 11.35pm) is a time thriller romp set inside a computer game that is inserted in your ears and is so addictive it has led to the world becoming a barren empty postapocalyptic enviroment. There’s one scene where this guy character makes a gun out of fish bones and kills a waiter. It’s funny.

Sport This week is pretty sport-free I’m afraid to say. And when I say ‘sport’ I mean ‘football’, because I really don’t care for much else.

Depending on how good your television aerial is you might be able to get HTV Wales. If that is the case then I implore you to tune into Jed Pitman’s Soccer Night (Thursday, 11.30) to watch highlights of Bristol Rovers.

Will Tunnel

pictures of celebrities pulling funny faces. And things in the shape of cocks. Brilliant.

26 gairrhydd

MONDAY

Bargain Hunt

FEBRUARY.26.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Ready Steady Cook BBC2 4.30pm

Wales this Week

True Voice of Prostitution

ITV1 8.00pm

C4 11.05pm

6:00am Breakfast Goood morning Cardiff, TV Rennison here, for one night only, unless you’re very well-behaved.

Breakfast? Certainly: I’ll have cereal.

Blast! No milk. 9:15am Gene Detectives 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am Living in the Sun 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:40pm Time Warp Trio 4:00pm Raven 4:30pm 50/50 5:00pm MI High 5:30pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Mission Africa 7:30pm My Family Are coming down this weekend to visit. Apparently it’s for my birthday, which was a fortnight ago.

Joke’s on them - the M4 sucks balls.

8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Panorama 9:00pm Car Wars 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Sleep Clinic 11:05pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross 11:35pm The Choirboys 1:35am Sign Zone:Custer's Last Stand 2:35am Sign Zone:The Truth About Food 3:35am Sign Zone:Wanted Down Under - presumably this is about Dick Cheney; hah! Politics has infiltrated TV! It’s all falling into place, my citizens.

4:20am Joins BBC News

7:00am CBBC:Astro Boy 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Wonderful World of Weird 8:15am ChuckleVision 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Underground Ernie Before he hooked up with Bert, and was churning out Nazi-esque trance punk fusion from his mum’s basement. 10:30am Big Slam Poetry 10:50am Around Scotland: Clearances 11:10am Maths Challenge 11:25am Maths Challenge 11:40am What? Where? When? Why? 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm What? Where? When?

Why? 1:15pm Something Special 1:30pm Animal Park 2:15pm Escape to the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Nature's Calendar 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm The Art of Tommy Cooper 7:30pm Nation on Film: Kearton's Wildlife 8:00pm University Challenge 8:30pm An Island Parish I think my Dad saw this and now he wants to go to the Scilly Isles. How... ‘silly’ - HAHA HAHAA, Jesus Christ I’m phenomenal.

9:00pm The Retreat 10:00pm Ideal 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm 21st Century Bach 11:30pm Tadpole 12:40am Seven Days 1:25am

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today Wouldn’t it be splendid if this stood for ‘Lincoln and Khan Today’ - Abraham could sit there stroking his beard before telling us about his new even topper top hat, while Ghengis would become slowly enraged at how much taller Abe seemed to be, before ripping his face off with some Mongolian fireknife. ITV need this kind of creativity.

9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Coronation Street Confidential 3:30pm Dancing On Ice Exclusive 3:55pm Kavanagh QC 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wales This Week 8:30pm Coronation Street 9:00pm Instinct 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Never to be Forgotten AnnaNicole Smith - I hope hell is being nice to her. She introduced me to nipple tassles while adding to my love of Naked Gun. But is Airplane better?

Hmm, only Jesus knows. 11:30pm Speed Guns Misfiring: Tonight 12:00am WAGs Boutique 1:00am Champions League Weekly 1:30am ITV Play: Glitterball 3:50am Dial A Mum 4:25am Dial A Mum 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am Frasier 9:30am My Big Gay Prom 10:30am Coming out to Class 11:30am Gay to Z - like an A-Z, but instead of pointing out historical landmarks and sports arenas it shows the best places to get a good latte and the nearest three-storey Topman.

12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm The Blue Dahlia 2:20pm My Eden 2:25pm A Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: War Torn 8:00pm Dispatches 9:00pm The Strangest Hotel in Britain 10:00pm ER 11:05pm The True Voice of Prostitution 12:05am Twelve Months in Rock: Shockwaves NME Awards This has been advertised by C4 as a ‘revolution’. TV Rennison says: cock off pretentious shitcakes. 12:40am 4 Music:Live from Abbey Road 1:40am 4 Music:4Play: Idlewild 1:55am World Cup Skiing 3:50am 3 Minute Wonder 3:55am Mesh 4:00am All About Us: Living and Growing (Sex Ed 9-11) Anyone remember the ‘Johnny Condom’ puppet sex-ed cartoons at school?

What a hoot. 4:15am All About Us: Living and Growing (Sex Ed 9-11)

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy Or he’ll smash your face in 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news and sport 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Money Plays 3:40pm Murder 101 I must’ve missed the previous 100 - so no point in watching. 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm Five News - Special Oscar Report 7:15pm The Gadget Show 8:00pm Monster Moves One day, a Greek monster named Panou moved away from TV Rennison. He was very sad, but then Panou returned with a flower that made all well again. Peace!

9:00pm Extraordinary People: Half Body, Whole Life 10:00pm Prison Break 11:00pm The Most Bizarre Ads in the World 80% of them on inbetween Jeremy Kyle. 12:05am Arrest and Trial 12:35am Arrest and Trial 1:00am USPGA Golf 1:50am NASCAR Nextel Cup 2:40am Le Championnat - French Football 3:30am Now Is the Time: Night of Combat - Kick Boxing 4:20am Boxing Classic 5:10am V8 Supercars

7:00pm Dog Borstal 8:00pm The Baby Borrowers: Friends and Family 8:30pm Thieves Like Us 9:00pm Little Britain Seriously, you guys, I am so... pissed... off... that people actually think Little Britain is funny. Listen to TV Rennison if you do, perhaps you will read my name so many times I will be temporarily famous. 9:30pm Comedy Specials: Under One Roof 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Teens Hooked on Porn Frigging brilliant - just when you think the Freeview revolution can’t get any better, BBC3 hits another one out of left field. Left Field? That was an American phrase. Oh Lord, all that latenight Judge Judy has got to me.

11:25pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:55pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:25am Dog Borstal 1:25am Teens Hooked on Porn 2:20am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:50am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:20am Comedy Specials

7:00pm Wainwright: The Man Who Loved the Lakes 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Wainwright's Walks 9:00pm The Great British Holiday There was nothing Great about Wales when I was a holidaying youngun - it just meant a self-catering cottage with coin-operated electricity, a Betamax videplayer and a pissed-off bull in the back garden. I just wanted to build sand forts at the beach. Still, better than Norfolk. Unless you like dykes and inbred bargedwellers. 10:00pm Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe 10:30pm Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy 11:20pm Wainwright's Walks 11:50pm Wainwright: The Man Who Loved the Lakes So much; some say too much. Wink. By the wink, I mean: Wainwright fucks lakes (down by the fire - ironic) 12:50am Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe 1:20am The Great British Holiday 2:20am Wainwright's Walks 2:50am Brooker's Screenwipe

7:55am Yu-Gi-Oh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street Lame 9:50am Emmerdale 10:20am Emmerdale Weak 10:50am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:35am Judge Judy Totally Lame 12:00pm Coronation Street 12:30pm Emmerdale 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Planet's Funniest Animals Dude, weak 7:25pm Dancing on Ice 8:30pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 9:00pm Haunted Homes 10:00pm Van Helsing 12:30am Coronation Street 1:00am Coronation Street 1:30am 40 Days and 40 Nights Conclusion: ITV2 = only marginally less shiteful the ITV3/4

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am Simon Pegg and Nick Frost Feel the Fuzz 8:00am Peaches Picks 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Uninterrupted Indie 11:00am Fresh Tracks 12:00pm Nothing but... the Best Live Acts 1:00pm Simon Pegg and Nick Frost Feel the Fuzz 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Jack and Sarah Richard E Grant is one of many gods. 11:05pm The Simple Life 11:35pm The Simple Life 12:05am Scrubs 12:35am Scrubs 1:05am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 1:55am The Simple Life 2:25am The Simple Life 2:45am The War at Home 3:10am Desperate Housewives 3:50am One Tree Hill 4:30am Switched

8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am Frasier 9:30am My Big Gay Prom 10:30am Coming out to Class 11:30am Gay to Z 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Mr Men 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Ribidires 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Dennis a Dannedd 4:25pm Planed Plant:Rygbi 100 Per Cent 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Rownd a Rownd 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Ffermio 9:00pm Helpu'r Achos 10:00pm Sgorio 11:05pm Y Clwb Rygbi 11:35pm The Strangest Hotel in Britain 12:35am Dispatches 1:35am The Sex Inspectors Thank you for choosing Monday with TV Rennison

BBC1 12.15pm

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gairrhydd

27

TUESDAY

FEBRUARY.26.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Diagnosis Murder

Thinking Skills

BBC1 2.35pm

BBC2 1.20pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Gene Detectives 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am Living in the Sun 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:40pm Time Warp Trio 4:00pm Raven 4:30pm SMart 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Watchdog 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Match of the Day Live 10:00pm BBC News 10:35pm Week In, Week Out 11:05pm ONE Life 11:50pm Below 1:45am Sign Zone:Seaside Rescue 2:15am Sign Zone:An Island Parish 2:45am Sign Zone:Dr Alice Roberts: Don't Die Young 3:15am Sign Zone:Wanted Down Under 4:00am Joins BBC News 24 OK so last week I put a lot of thought into my television listings; I carefully planned out specific insults for my "colleague" TV Marshall, thinking myself a witty little shit for being so goddamn funny. Cue Saturday. gairrhyd comes out. I eagerly flick to the tellybox listings, and what do I find?..They're not bloody there. So this week I intend to do what I did so spectacularly last time; write shit insults instead of shit tv listings. Enjoy.

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Astro Boy 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Wonderful World of Weird 8:15am ChuckleVision 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Underground Ernie 10:30am Primary History 10:50am Primary Geography: Portrait of Europe 11:10am Star Trek: The Next Generation 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Science Clips 1:10pm Bobinogs 1:20pm Thinking Skills 1:30pm Iolo's Special Reserves 2:00pm am.pm 3:00pm Animal Park 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Nature's Calendar 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm Match of the Day Wales 9:00pm Blair: The Inside Story 10:00pm The Children of Helen House 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm A Seaside Parish 11:50pm Seven Days You may also be wondering why I have chosen to so publicly lower myself to insults via the tv listings of a student newspaper. I asked myself the same question before I remember that TV Marshall, although he may be termed a "friend" in the loosest sense of the word, has recently written a review for the lovely Quench about the band Brand New. As it so happens, they're one of my favourite.

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Coronation Street Confidential 3:15pm Coronation Street Confidential 3:30pm Dancing On Ice Exclusive 3:55pm Kavanagh QC 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 6:45pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm The Ferret 8:00pm Cops With Cameras 9:00pm Instinct 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Real Crime: The Beauty Salon Killer Anybody remember that crap C4 show The Salon? Mix these two shows together and I'd watch it.

12:00am ITV Play: Glitterball I bet this isn't as good as Glitter. 3:35am 2004... Forever 4:35am The Jules and Lulu Show Lulu: TV Marshall's all-time idol. 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News So when you perhaps pick up a forthcoming copy of Quench, it is quite possible that there will be a review by TV Marshall about Monday's gig that calls Jesse Lacey both fat, balding and probably shit. My best advice to you good gair rhydd reader; ignore his words and write a shitty letter of complaint. Despite the fact we are “mates”, and I write for it, this is exactly what I intend to do.

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am My Big Gay Prom A TV show loosely based on TV Marshall's own prom experience. Rrated. 10:30am Batty Man An in-depth profile of TV Marshall 11:30am Gay to Z I bet this is terrific. It's like a gay version of Skins meets the O.C. But probably MUCH better. 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm The City That Never Sleeps 2:10pm Supporting Acts 2:25pm A Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal I miss Noel's House Party. 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: War Torn I'm so so happy that there is a "3 minute wonder" show on this week, as I thought this gem of a joke would go to waste..3 minute wonder is the nickname the TV Team give to TV Marshall when he's off duty.

8:00pm You Are What You Eat: Gillian Moves In 9:00pm Never Did Me Any Harm 10:00pm Shameless 11:40pm The True Voice of Rape 12:40am The Charlotte Church Show 1:25am My Name Is Earl 5:45am More Adventures from the Writing House: Writing a Postcard "Wish you here here." easy.

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky I wish my best mates had names as good as these.

7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots This reminds me of jelly tots. Which are delicious.

Do they still sell them? Now you know how to write one with the help of Channel 4 and TV Fran, answers on a postcard. 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away with you each day, let me be the one that you turn to, someone you can rely on, closer each day Home and away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Home Song 3:30pm To Live For 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice And yet again, the TV programming is centered around our very own TV Marshall.

7:00pm five news 7:15pm The Singing Estate 8:00pm The Boston Strangler: The True Story 9:00pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:00pm CSI: Miami 11:00pm Shock Docs: Autopsy 10 12:00am The FBI Files 1:00am NBA Action 4:05am A1 Grand Prix 5:00am World Supercross Grand Prix

7:00pm New Dog Borstal 8:00pm The Baby Borrowers 9:00pm New Wedding Stories 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Thieves Like Us 11:00pm Family Guy 11:20pm American Dad is a stroke of comedic genius. 11:45pm Man Stroke Woman 12:15am New Dog Borstal 1:10am New Wedding Stories 2:10am The Baby Borrowers 3:05am Man Stroke Woman 3:35am Thieves Like Us 2:10am The Baby Borrowers 3:05am Man Stroke Woman 3:35am Thieves Like Us 2:10am The Baby Borrowers 3:05am Man Stroke Woman 3:35am Thieves Like Us Every week when I try and write something for BBC3, they give me nothing new to try and insult. I think it is safe to conclude that no matter how much I love the Beeb, BBC3 is about as much fucking good as 4 showings of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps in one day. And let's face it, Ralf Little isn't really deserving of that much air time. I may start an online petition.

7:00pm Timeshift: Carry On Campus Before I slag off BBC4 for being boring as fuck, let me just express that I really do quite like Carry On films. Barbara Windsor at her absolute best. 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Never Mind the Full Stops 9:30pm The League of Gentlemen 12:00am The Year in Chat - 1973 *SPOILER ALERT* Barnaby Jones premieres on CBS, Pink Floyd releases Dark Side of the Moon, Paul Getty III is kidnapped and he gets his right ear chopped off and sent off to Dad in the mail, Concorde breaks world records and doesn't crash, and Stevie Wonder releases an album. 1:00am Never Mind the Full Stops Shock!

BBC4 is also a bit of a repeats fan. I'll just casually suggest that “Never Mind the Full Stops" and "The Great British Holiday" are probably both a bit wank and you're better off watching Gay to Z. Or reading Marshall's reviews in Quench.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show ITV2 on the other hand, gets it right with their programming: Oprah and Sally Jessy Raphael are gems. I used to watch this when I was off sick from school and it's SO much better than Trisha and Jeremy. Nobody can do fat, incestuous and useless quite like the Americans can. 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:35pm Judge Judy 4:00pm American Idol

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am The Killers Talk Moustaches 8:00am Peaches Picks 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Uninterrupted Indie 11:00am Fresh Albums 12:00pm Nothing but... the Best British Bands 1:00pm The Killers Talk Moustaches 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm The OC 10:00pm Skins 11:00pm Rowland Rivron's TV Drinking Club 12:05am Scrubs 12:35am Scrubs 1:05am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 1:50am Skins 2:50am Switched 3:10am No Angels 4:10am One Tree Hill 4:50am Switched 5:15am Switched 5:35am Switched 5:15am Switched 5:35am Switched 5:15am Switched 5:35am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am My Big Gay Prom 10:30am Batty Man 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Peppa Pinc 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Sam Tan 1:15pm My Eden 1:20pm The Search 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Joni Trons 4:30pm Planed Plant:Helynt Hurt Tywysogion Cymru 4:40pm Planed Plant:Mona y Fampir 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:25pm Tipit 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Y Byd ar Bedwar 9:00pm Tywysogion 10:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 11:00pm Never Did Me Any Harm 12:00am ER 1:00am The True Voice of Prostitution 2:00am The Sex

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

Cops with Cameras

Never Did Me Any Harm

The Boston Strangler

ITV1 8.00pm

C4 9.00pm

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28 gairrhydd

WEDNESDAY

New Street Law

Numberjacks

BBC1 9.00pm

BBC2 9.45am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Gene Detectives Through the power of science and microscopes and stuff, it is realised that Jade Goody is actually a poor excuse for a human being.

10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am Living in the Sun Probably isn’t much fun considering it has a temperature of like 6000°C 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News 1:30pm Regional News 1:40pm Neighbours Katya wakes from her coma and attacks Guy with a defibrillator. You think I’m joking. I’m not. 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:40pm Time Warp Trio 4:00pm Raven 4:30pm 50/50 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News 6:30pm Wales Today 7:00pm Holiday 2007 7:30pm X-Ray 8:00pm Seaside Rescue 9:00pm New Street Law 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm The National Lottery Draws 10:40pm Wales: Power and the People 11:10pm Does Africa Need Ade? I’m one of those annoying tosspots that really believes in these things so if ever you’re near an Oxfam or summat, pretty please can you donate some money If you do I’ll love you lots and lots like jelly tots. Honest.

6:00am CBeebies 9:30am Something Special I find the following special: mix tapes, bright socks, buttons and sequins, stickers, old books, high fiving and fannypacks . Now there’s something you were dying to know. 9:45am Numberjacks 10:30am Star Trek: The Next Generation 11:15am Small Town Gardens 11:30am am.pm 1:00pm Uncharted Territory I’m sure one of my housemates last year had a ‘special’ DVD by this name. Next to the ones entitled ‘Inspect her Gadget’, ‘Shaving Ryan’s Privates’ and ‘Buffy the Vampire Layer’ 1:30pm Working Lunch 2:00pm The Flying Gardener 2:15pm Escape to the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Nature's Calendar 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm Once Upon a Time in Newport 7:30pm Sleep Clinic 8:00pm Dragons' Den 9:00pm Party Animals are MAD ‘FER IT. 9:50pm Don't Watch That Watch This!

Of course the ‘This’ in question is Shipwrecked. Especially that Joe character, two words: Buff ting.

10:00pm Never Mind the Buzzcocks I <3 Simon Amstell. 4eva. I.D.S.T. S.A luffs J.K… 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm The General's War 12:20am Seven Days 1:05am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:Key Stage 3 Bitesize Revision English 2

7:00pm New Dog Borstal 8:00pm New Wedding Stories 9:00pm Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Cheese C’mon, lets face it, there are worse things to be addicted to, such as Heroin, Usher records and child prostitutes. 10:00pm A Beautiful Mind Would have an infinite knowledge of 12:05am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:35am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps aka Michelle MacManuses’ breakfast. 1:05am Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Cheese My mate Phil enjoys cheese, a lot. She would put it on everything. Actually maybe this programme is about her?!

Probably not, but I’m going to keep typing to take up space. Enjoy.

Kjdhfkjfgbsdhjkfbsdhjfbdsjhfvbdsjhfbvds jhfbdsjhfbf 2:00am New Dog Borstal 3:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:30am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:30am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

7:00pm Planet Earth David Attenborough is fricking ace. My favouritist one ever was the one with the humping frogs. Greats stuff.

8:00pm The World is well big and stuff. 8:30pm Cooking in the Danger Zone Can I suggest Lloyd Grossman takes part? 9:00pm Medical Mavericks Medicine Through Time, part of History GCSE taught me the following: Joseph Lister (1827-1912) antiseptics and shit, something about one of the biggest medical leaps made or something. 10:00pm Wainwright's Walks 10:30pm Tight Spot: Freezing 11:05pm Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe 11:35pm Medical Mavericks 12:35am India Song 2:30am Cooking in the Danger Zone 11:35pm Medical Mavericks 12:35am India Song 2:30am Cooking in the Danger Zone 11:35pm Medical Mavericks 12:35am India Song

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

FEBRUARY.26.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Designers Under Pressure C4 2.10pm

Kitchen

6:00am GMTV 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show Mr Kyle here used to do ‘Jezza’s Late Night Confessions’ on one of the local Birmingham stations!

OMG!! 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Coronation Street Confidential I told you all this three weeks ago: David wants Tracy to sit on his face, why won’t anybody listen? 3:30pm Dancing On Ice 3:55pm Kavanagh QC If, like me, you enjoyed the musical stylings of a certain male musician of a similar name when you were young and impressionable, don’t EVER Google him now. Trust me on this one. 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm Confessions of a Diary Secretary 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 10:45pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Benidorm Why would anyone ever want to go on a Club 18-30 holiday? And I appreciate I may’ve pissed off a few people by saying this, but could I give a shit? No. It’s just an excuse to get smashed and have some schlaaaag give you a blow job in the toilets who you then proceed to take home… In fact, here’s a tip, cut your potential STI count to single figures and just go to Creation.

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond Not me. 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond Not me x2. 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Coming out to Class Send a text innit. 10:30am Mum's Gone Gay Get her to send you a text innit.

11:05am How To Dump Your Mates Send a text innit. 11:30am Gay to Z 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm A Ticket to Tomahawk 2:10pm Designers Under Pressure 2:25pm A Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy ‘I bet you Richard has a massive cock and Judy knows it’ (J. Stone) 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: War Torn 8:00pm Relocation, Relocation I fucking love this programme. Really I do, today they’re in London and Paris.

WOW. 9:00pm Grand Designs 10:35pm Desperate Housewives In t’words of my brother: ‘in a nutshell, it’s all about MILF’s who like to gossip’ True speak bro.

11:35pm The True Voice of Murder “I’m honestly going to kill you. I promise”. Can’t argue with that. 12:35am Goalissimo! 1:35am World Cup Skiing 3:25am KOTV 3:55am Velux 5 Oceans 4:20am Trans World Sport 5:15am Countdown

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy Or he’ll bop you one.

8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Trial & Error 3:30pm Columbo: Grand Deceptions 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Great Ocean Adventures: Spinner Dolphin 8:00pm Child in a Million 9:00pm Kitchen 11:05pm Celebrities Uncensored 12:05am PartyPoker.com European Open III 1:35am NHL Ice Hockey 4:00am NHRA Drag Racing 5:30am Race and Rally UK Right, I’ve got a bit of a headache, tired and wee bit hungry, so instead of typing my incredibly witty and insightful comments I’m going to complain a little.

Here I am typing this, whilst watching Sex and the City when I could be at Clwb moaning still but just in a change of scenery. If anybody could lend me some food and a life that would be much appreciated.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Smallville 8:00pm Australian Princess 9:00pm Al Murray's Happy Hour 10:00pm Coronation Street 10:30pm Anaconda 12:15am Comedy Cuts 12:45am Test Drive My Girlfriend 1:15am ITV Play: The Mint 4:00am

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am John Legend is Not His Real Name 8:00am Peaches Picks 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Uninterrupted Indie 11:00am Fresh Stuff 12:00pm Nothing but... the Best International Bands 1:00pm John Legend is Not His Real Name 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Ugly Betty 10:00pm High School Dance 11:00pm Scrubs 11:30pm Desperate Housewives 12:30am Twelve Months in Rock: Shockwaves NME Awards 1:05am Scrubs 1:30am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 2:15am High School Dance 3:15am Desperate Housewives 3:55am One Tree Hill 4:40am Switched 5:00am

8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Supporting Acts 9:00am Ysgolion:Gay to Z 9:30am Coming out to Class 10:30am Mum's Gone Gay 11:05am How To Dump Your Mates 11:30am Bobinogi 11:45am Bobinogi 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Bobinogi 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Falmai y Fuwch 1:15pm Science Scams 1:20pm You Are What You Eat: Gillian Moves In 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Tair Slic 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Stwffio 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Rownd a Rownd 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Byd o Liw 9:00pm Caerdydd 10:00pm Relocation, Relocation 11:00pm Desperate Housewives

Dale’s Supermarket Sweep ITV1 5.30pm

five 9.00pm

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

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gairrhydd

29

THURSDAY

FEBRUARY.26.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Masterchef Goes Large BBC2 6.30pm

Titch

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today Die 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show Die 10:30am This Morning Die 12:30pm Loose Women Die 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders Or: highly disturbing English village packed with eccentrics and ruffians experiences highest homicide rate in recorded history. 3:00pm Coronation Street Confidential 3:30pm Dancing On Ice Exclusive 3:55pm Kavanagh QC 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep Would include two pairs of marigolds, eight litres of fair trade fruit smoothie, four well-matured cucumbers, eighteen tonnes of fake tan and three years’ worth of industrial vaseline.

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Great Welsh Roads Oh yes, ITV Wales sure knows how to pull in those prime time viewers. Anybody have a favourite welsh road? Albany road has got to be up there, it certainly wins on charity shops. Loses marks on pub count though.

8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm Bonkers 10:00pm Benidorm 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Hidden Loves 11:30pm Waterfront 12:00am Unsigned 12:30am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am Make Me Perfect 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Batty Man So I guess this is where I’m supposed to make some absurd innuendo about TV Guy? It seems my professionalism has gotten the better of me. 10:30am Sex, Lies and Soaps 11:00am How To Dump Your Mates 11:30am Gay to Z 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm The Defiant Ones 2:15pm My Eden 2:25pm A Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: War Torn 8:00pm 10 Years Younger 9:00pm Time Team Special: Pugin The God of Gothic 10:00pm Aliens Have landed outside the office, and they’re tired.

12:50am On Tour with the Shockwaves NME Awards There’s actually a pretty decent line-up this year, and if you live in London it must be bloody marvellous. But no, here we are in Wales. You can, however, catch the highlights which probably won’t include substantial clips of The Shins, Regina Spektor or Jamie T because it’s basically just one big Kasabian wankfest.

1:40am What Dreams May Come 3:35am Bosom Buddies 4:35am Dispatches 5:25am Countdown

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 I love a good old fashioned hi-5 and am afraid that they might go out of fashion. Whilst out and about this week, just give one sturdy hi5 to your neighbour, and you’ll make a young man very happy. You might even enjoy it yourself. 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser Here’s one for you to enjoy your breakfast with; If I fill this section with 26 words, how many more bits will I have to write? 1:45pm Hurricane Smith 3:40pm Hard Ground 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Animal Attraction: Femmes Fatales 8:00pm House Doctor: Designs for Living 9:00pm Kitchen 11:05pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12:05am Football Night 1:05am Quiz Call 4:00am Dutch Football 5:10am Football Argentina Highlights Only five more words. Ace!

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Smallville 8:00pm WAGs Boutique 9:00pm Supernatural 10:00pm Haunted Homes 11:00pm Comedy Cuts 11:30pm The Office: An American Workplace 12:00am Test Drive My Girlfriend 12:30am Test

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am Kasabian's Guest List 8:00am Peaches Picks 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Uninterrupted Indie 11:00am Fresh Gigs 12:00pm Nothing but... Godlike Geniuses 1:00pm Kasabian's Guest List 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm ER 10:00pm Skins I don’t care what you all say, Skins is freaking stupendous. Especially the Bristol accents. I could listen to Bristonians all day. 11:00pm Shockwaves NME Awards 2007 12:40am Scrubs 1:10am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 1:55am The War at Home 2:20am Skins 3:20am No Angels 4:20am One Tree Hill 5:00am Switched

7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am Ysgolion (Schools): Gay to Z 9:30am Fame Asylum 10:30am Sex, Lies and Soaps 11:00am How To Dump Your Mates 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Tomos A'i Ffrindiau 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Meees! 1:15pm Science Scams 1:25pm Time Team 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Y Fet a Fi 4:20pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Sioe Gwobrau Mawr 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Stwffio 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Pawb a'i Farn 9:30pm Defodau Dewi Sant 10:30pm Shameless 12:05am Once Upon a Time in Iran

Dead Ringers

Something Special

Wales Tonight

BBC2 9.30pm

BBC2 7.00am

ITV1 6.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Gene Detectives 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am Living in the Sun 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm The Grey Man 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur And I said hey (hey!) what a wonderful kinda day, we can learn to work and play, and get along with each other. Did you know that Ziggy Marley did this theme song?

Who’d have guessed the TV listings would be full of so many useful facts!

3:40pm Time Warp Trio 4:00pm Raven 4:30pm 50/50 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The Big Welsh Challenge It probably involves cheese on toast to be honest. Or sheep…or both.

7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Coming Home 8:30pm High Hopes 9:00pm Hotel Babylon 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Dragon's Eye 11:05pm Question Time 12:05am This Week 12:55am Sign Zone:When Love Comes to Town 1:25am Sign Zone:Mission Africa 1:55am Sign Zone:The Children of Helen House 2:25am Sign Zone:Wanted Down Under

6:00am CBeebies 10:30am Look and Read This is a new government initiative to try and get kids to read. Much like reading a book, but it’s on the TV so you don’t lose any of that street cred. After all, books are lame man.

10:50am Words and Pictures 11:00am World Environment Changes 11:10am English Express 11:40am Social Inclusion Dramas 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Hiding the Truth: I Can't Read Anyone who might be interested in this program probably won’t be able to find it in the listings. And definitely won’t attempt to read my light mockery of them. 1:45pm Animal Park 2:15pm Escape to the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Nature's Calendar 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm What's Under Your House? The Real Story 7:30pm Border Country with Iolo Williams 8:00pm Arrange Me a Marriage 9:00pm LSD Millionaires 9:30pm Dead Ringers I once saw a dead ringer for Andy Burrows from Razorlight on the tube. Then it turned out it was Andy Burrows, and I realised he was the drummer and that I didn’t care.

10:00pm The Graham Norton Show 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Fear, Stress and Anger 11:50pm Time Shift: Spy Stories 12:50am Seven Days

7:00pm New Dog Borstal 8:00pm The Baby Borrowers It’s taken me a few weeks, but I’ve finally worked out what this channel is; BBC White Trash. It’s a sad day when the borrowing of ones child not only constitutes a lack of shock or alarm, but also a spot of light entertainment to enjoy your microwave dinner with. 9:00pm Bashing Booze Birds On further inspection it seems my detailed white trash analysis was justified. Evidence comes in the form of 3 words; ‘bashing’, booze’ and ‘birds’. 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Man Stroke Woman 11:00pm Comedy Shuffle 11:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Your weekly criticisms of this program will resume in full form next week. But just to tide you over; its shit, don’t watch it.

12:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:30am Bashing Booze Birds 1:25am New Dog Borstal 2:25am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

7:00pm Sounds of the Sixties At least they know their target audience. I’m kidding grandad, the sixties in fact produced some delightful little pop groups.

The Velvet Underground, The Temptations, The Rolling Stones, The Isley Brothers, The Four Tops, The Who and The Beach Boys are all among my favourites. Now who said the dreaded ‘the (blank)’ bands were a recent trend.

7:10pm The Avengers 8:00pm The World 8:30pm The Waiting Room In the waiting room, I don’t want the news, I cannot use it, I don’t want the news, I won’t live by it. Fugazi rule.

9:00pm Reichenbach Falls 10:15pm This Film is Not Yet Rated: Storyville 11:55pm Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe 12:25am Owain Glyndwr: The Last Welsh Prince 1:25am The Waiting Room 1:55am Reichenbach Falls 3:15am Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe 3:45am The Waiting Room

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

five 8.40am

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff,CF24 4NN

02920 229977

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FRIDAY

FEBRUARY.26.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Time Warp Trio

Substance Misuse

BBC1 3.40pm

BBC2 11.20am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Gene Detectives 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am Living in the Sun 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours Unlike some individuals on this press team, I shall refrain from personal insults just because I thought their favourite band in the whole world EVAH! Was derivative shit. Yeah, TV Fan, I’m talking to you. I could quite easily talk about your cystitis and your need to tell us about your vaginal health at every given opportunity, but I won’t. Because, I am both bigger and cleverer than you. So, suck it. 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:40pm Time Warp Trio 4:00pm Raven 4:30pm 50/50 5:00pm Gina's Laughing Gear 5:30pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm A Question of Sport 7:30pm Street Doctor 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm DIY SOS 9:00pm Lilies 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Waterloo Road 11:35pm Comedy Connections 12:15am Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles 1:50am Joins BBC News 24 11:35pm Comedy Connections 12:15am Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles 1:50am Joins BBC News 24

6:00am CBeebies 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Wonderful World of Weird 8:15am Chucklevision 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Jackanory Junior 10:30am Schools:Razzledazzle 10:50am Words and Pictures If this is all Tv has got to offer then I’m fucking off back to Theatre. At least on the stage I could soar like an eagle, and my matinee good looks would not go unrequited. Ballet slippers, get thyself off thy peg, I’m coming back with an avengeance! 11:00am Starship 11:20am Focus - Substance Misuse 11:40am See You, See Me 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:30pm Coast: Wales - The Gower, Rockpools and Dylan Thomas 1:45pm Nature's Calendar 2:15pm Escape to the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:00pm European Indoor Athletics Championships 7:00pm Party Conference Broadcast 7:05pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:30pm Scrum V Live 9:30pm The Wild West was full of racist Irishmen and whores.

10:30pm Newsnight 11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm eXistenZ oooh edgy. Capital letters and lower case? EXTREME! 1:10am Star Trek 2:00am Star Trek 2:50am Malcolm in the Middle

7:30pm Doctor Who 8:15pm Doctor Who 9:00pm Little Britain 9:30pm Man Stroke Woman 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:30pm Family Guy 11:55pm American Dad 12:15am Pulling I’m writing this just after coming in from Clwb so here’s my random violent assertion of the week; Why is sliced chicken breast round, and bread square? Also why do the numbers of hotdogs and hot dog buns never correlate? I am very angry. I blame Jesus.

12:45am Pulling 1:15am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 1:45am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:15am Man Stroke Woman Woman Stoke Man, Woman Gets Conned By Card Company Into Believing in Valentines Day, Man Doesn’t Buy Into It, Woman Shouts At Man, Man In Doghouse, Card Company Wins 2:45am Fat Men Can't Hunt

7:00pm Medical Mavericks 8:00pm The World The World is a horrific place filled with deranged idiots fighting over imaginary sky wizards, insecure bovver boys so terrified by their meaningless existence that they pump themselves full of alcohol and fight somebody with a different amount of melanin in their body. The world is a bit shit, really, and I want to get off. Fuck it dude, let’s go bowling. 8:30pm Rock Goes to College: Average White Band 9:00pm New York Doll: Storyville 10:15pm BBC Four Sessions: John Cale is a genius, and a Welsh genius at that.

Listen to ‘All Tomorrow’s Parties’ off’ve ‘…and Nico’ and tell me otherwise. If you do, then you will be wrong.

11:15pm Tight Spot: Freezing 11:50pm Never Mind the Full Stops 12:20am The Avengers 1:10am BBC Four Sessions: John Cale 2:10am Tight Spot: Freezing 2:40am Never Mind the Full Stops

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

My Big Gay Prom

NME Awards 2007

Mum at Sixteen

Channel 4 9.30am

Channel 4 11.40pm

five 3.40pm

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning immediately precedes this afternoon. Clutching at some serious straws now. 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders Are there any people left in Midsomer or wherever it’s set to be murdered? I mean, it has been going on now for well over a year, and even I, not the most perceptive at the best of times, would probably consider moving on. ‘Yes darling, I know it’s the third consecutive weekly murder that has happened since we moved here, but think of the catchment area.’ 3:00pm Coronation Street Confidential 3:30pm Dancing On Ice Exclusive 3:55pm Kavanagh QC 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep oh insert your own damn joke about him bumming a puppet. Christ, this is getting tedious, 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm House Price Forecast: Tonight 8:30pm A Touch of Frost 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Al Murray's Happy Hour 12:05am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am 60 Minute Makeover 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News 4:10am 60 Minute Makeover 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am My Big Gay Prom 10:30am My Big Gay Prom Ooh Fran, isn’t homophobia funny? Fuck off back to the seventies with Jim Davidson and Bernard Manning. 11:30am Gay to Z 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Dallas 2:15pm Supporting Acts 2:25pm A Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:30pm The Insider 8:00pm A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 9:00pm Ugly Betty 10:00pm The Charlotte Church Show 10:50pm Balls of Steel 11:40pm 4 Music:Shockwaves NME Awards 2007 Filled with twats, and even worse, twats with shockwaves hair and topshop wardrobes. A firebomb wouldn’t go amiss, quite frankly.

1:20am 4 Music:JD Set: Longcut 1:35am 4 Music:4Play: Scott Matthews 1:50am 50 Pounds Says You'll Watch This 2:50am World Cup Snowboard 4:45am Freesports on 4: Snowboarding 5:10am Countdown 5:55am Inuk 1:50am 50 Pounds Says You'll Watch This 2:50am World Cup Snowboard 4:45am Freesports on 4: Snowboarding 5:10am Countdown

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends All bitch about her behind her back. Just like all of your friends do. The more vehemently they deny it, the more they hate you.

7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas &#38; Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao The tale of a strange crossbreeding experiment between Chairman Mao and a common cat. On a similar note, has anybody seen those pictures of cats that look like Hitler? I’ve seen about 5 Hitler cats, but only one Lenin cat. .

Says something about cat owners, doesn’t it? 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Neil Simon's The Sunshine Boys 3:40pm Mom at Sixteen 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Mean Machines 8:00pm Supersize Crocs 9:00pm NCIS 10:00pm Law and Order: Criminal Intent 11:00pm The Conman With 14 Wives 12:00am Prison Break 1:00am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS 12:00am Prison Break 1:00am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo is ace and Stephen Fry does the voiceover! 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:50am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy is she an actual judge or a judge in the same way Gillian McKeith is a doctor? I loathe these shows and all that they stand for.12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:25pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:10pm Airline USA 5:40pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Smallville 8:00pm ITV at the Movies 8:30pm American Idol

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am Nicholas Cage Unlocked 8:00am Peaches Picks 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Uninterrupted Indie 11:00am Fresh Films 12:00pm Nothing but... Award Winners 1:00pm Nicholas Cage Unlocked 2:05pm Switched 2:35pm One Tree Hill 3:35pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm My Name Is Earl 9:30pm Peep Show 10:00pm Scream 2 12:20am Scrubs 12:50am Scrubs 1:20am Scream 2 3:30am Desperate Housewives 4:15am One Tree Hill 4:55am Switched 5:15am Switched 5:35am Switched 4:55am Switched 5:15am Switched 5:35am Switched 4:55am Switched 5:15am Switched 5:35am Switched 4:55am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am 3 Minute Wonder 9:00am Gay to Z 9:30am My Big Gay Prom 10:30am My Big Gay Prom 11:30am Gay to Z 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Penblwydd Pwy 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Rala Rwdins 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm Britain's Worst Weather 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Bywyd Cudd Sabrina 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Teledu Eddie 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 5:55pm Party Conference Broadcast: The Conservative Party 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Uned 5 7:25pm Darllediad Cynadleddol: Ceidwadwyr 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Can I Gymru: Y Ddogfen

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

gairrhydd

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FEBRUARY.26.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Just For Laughs

31

Krypto the Superdog

Pokerface

Hitler’s Holocaust

ITV1 8.35pm

Channel 4 4.00am

All Dogs Go To Heaven five 3.50pm

BBC1 5.55pm

BBC2 11.10am

6:00am Breakfast 10:00am Saturday Kitchen 11:30am Bill's Food 12:00pm BBC News; Weather 12:10pm Football Focus 1:00pm BBC SPORT 4:30pm Final Score 5:35pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5:55pm Just for Laughs On Monday I went to Fun Factory. In the side room I saw a band. The band were like ok, but the two people dancing to them were amazing. One of them had pink dreadlocks, a green bandana and white socks on and was going crazy. He was joined in a perfectly-choreograhed retard-stomp by some other bloke whose appearance wasn’t as exciting.

He just looked a bit odd generally. I’m not sure if they knew each other but at the end of the band’s set, they hi-fived and went their seperate ways. It was a dance match made in heaven. I asked the guy with dreads if the band had paid him to dance. He said no and that he just likes to dance and then did the rock sign, you know the one with the index and little finger.

6:25pm To Be Announced To be announced? That doesn’t make my job any easier does it. They really should take us lowly TV editors into consideration.

7:15pm To Be Announced 8:35pm Casualty 9:35pm The National Lottery: Saturday Draws 10:00pm BBC News; Weather 10:25pm Match of the Day 11:40pm Film To Be Announced 1:25am Joins BBC News 24

6:00am CBeebies:Balamory 6:20am Tweenies 6:40am Big Cook Little Cook 7:00am Roar 7:55am Arthur 8:10am Lizzie McGuire 8:30am The Story of Tracy Beaker 9:00am Our House 10:00am The Story of Tracy Beaker 10:30am Time Warp Trio 10:50am Secret Show 11:10am Krypto the Superdog 11:30am Fairly Odd Parents 11:45am Sportsround 12:00pm See Hear 12:45pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross 1:15pm Churchill's Bodyguard 2:05pm Conference Live 4:05pm Monk 4:45pm To Be Announced 5:00pm What the Papers Say 5:10pm To Be Announced 5:20pm Meerkat Manor 5:45pm Meerkat Manor 6:10pm Meerkat Manor 6:35pm To Be Announced 7:40pm The Culture Show 8:25pm Gardeners' World 8:55pm Dragon's Den 9:55pm Comedy Map of Britain Alex once drew what could be seen as a comedy map of Britain. All the places that weren’t posh or he didn’t like were classed as north. I think he said that Cornwall was north. As he’s from Cheltenham, that and London were the only southern places on the map. He often makes witty remarks about me being northern. It’s ok though cause he sounds like a farmer.

10:55pm The Grumpy Guide to Art 11:25pm Never Mind the Buzzcocks 11:30pm To Be Announced 12:00am Have I Got Old News for You 12:30am The Culture Show

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:20am Pocoyo 6:35am Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 6:55am Dora the Explorer 7:25am Lilo and Stitch 7:50am SpongeBob SquarePants 8:10am Emperor's New School 8:35am Kim Possible 9:10am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am CITV:Horrid Henry 9:40am CITV:Bel's Boys 9:55am CITV:Art Attack 10:20am CITV:Drake and Josh 10:50am CITV:King Arthur's Disasters 11:20am Coastal Kitchen 11:50am Saturday Cooks Live 1:20pm ITV News; Weather 1:25pm ITV Wales News and Weather 1:30pm American Idol 3:00pm Planet's Funniest Animals 3:15pm Housesitter 5:05pm ITV Wales News and Weather 5:20pm ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5:30pm ITV News 5:33pm ITV Weather 5:35pm New You've Been Framed! 6:05pm Harry Hill's TV Burp 6:35pm Dancing on Ice 7:35pm Primeval 8:35pm PokerFace: The Million Pound Final I watched some of this a few weeks ago, and despite being mildly entertaining it was pretty daft. I don’t think I’ll watch the final.

9:35pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 10:05pm Al Murray's Happy Hour 11:05pm ITV News; Weather 11:20pm To Be Announced 1:30am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:23am ITV News Headlines 4:25am Don't Move, Improve 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am T4:Friends 9:25am T4:T4 at the Shockwaves NME Awards 2007 10:15am T4:Friends 10:50am T4:Popworld 11:40am To Be Announced 12:20pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:55pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing from Newbury and Kempton Park 4:05pm Location, Location, Location 4:40pm Deal or No Deal Classic 5:25pm Monarchy with David Starkey 6:30pm Channel 4 News 7:00pm To Be Announced 8:00pm Bremner, Bird and Fortune 9:00pm The 50 Greatest TV Dramas I like the Channel 4’s 50 greatest whatevers. I don’t really watch them but I do like them. I just tried to think of some TV dramas and I can’t really think of any that I’ve watched that i liked. I used to watch things like Morse and that was good. I watched Goodnight Mr Tom over Christmas. It was quite sad but I was on the phone during the very sad bit so I didn’t cry.

12:05am 4 Music:Kings of Leon: Video Exclusive 12:10am 4 Music:Bryan Ferry: Bob Dylan Revisited 1:15am 4 Music:Live from Abbey Road 2:20am 4 Music:Kings of Leon: Video Exclusive 2:25am City of Industry 4:00am Hitler's Holocaust 5:00am Andares in Times of War 5:05am 3 Minute Wonder: Losing Myself 5:25am Countdown

6:00am Sunrise 7:00am Franklin 7:25am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:40am Peppa Pig 7:50am Make Way for Noddy 8:05am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:20am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:35am Gerald McBoing Boing 9:05am Jane and the Dragon 9:35am Don't Blame the Koalas 10:05am Hercules: Legendary Journeys 11:05am Xcalibur 11:40am The Gadget Show 12:30pm To Be Announced 1:00pm The Greatest Show on Earth 3:50pm All Dogs Go to Heaven 5:15pm Superfire 8:00pm five news and sport 8:15pm NCIS 9:10pm CSI:NY After NCIS and CSI: NY there should be AIDS: RUBBISH or SEX: ASS or NHS: WHATEVER. This could go on. I could even make some up. HKS: COOL, NKS: SAFE, HRH: TWAT, ASL: LOL. Yeah. See, I AM a funny guy. ASBO: CHAV haha. That was meant to be ironic.

10:10pm Law and Order 11:10pm An Officer and a Gentleman 1:30am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS Everybody wants perspective from a hill but everybody's wants can't make it past the window sill. I can see you in your room at night, the pictures on your walls, little forest scenes and high school halloweens but they don't come to you, they don't come to you at all.

All houses dream in blueprints, our house dreams so hard. Outside you can see my shoeprints...

7:00pm BBC3 Outtakes 2006 7:05pm Top Gear 8:05pm To Be Announced 9:05pm Little Britain 9:35pm Film To Be Announced 11:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:30am Thieves Like Us 1:00am Comedy Specials: Under One Roof 1:30am Comedy Shuffle 2:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:30am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:00am Thieves Like Us 3:30am Comedy Shuffle ...

I've been dreaming in your yard. One of these days these days will end.

Through the kitchen window the light will bend, you'll be carving a pumpkin with a knife when someone at the table says, "that's not what I call a life!" The elephants are so ashamed of their size, hosing down I tell them "you got pretty eyes". Out in the backyard I used to make like I was a cowboy. I'd set my dog before a hoop and say "now boy, now boy!"...

7:00pm To Be Announced 7:30pm Mark Lawson Talks to Ian Rankin 8:30pm Conan Doyle for the Defence 9:30pm Reichenbach Falls 10:45pm Arena 11:45pm Tales of Rock 'n' Roll - A Walk on the Wild Side: Arena 12:30am Mark Lawson Talks to Ian Rankin 1:30am Proms on Four ...

When the governer's heart fails the state bird falls from its branch. Icicles on hell's higher hills. Meanwhile back home at the ranch I still get up early in the morning and I never knew a better place. I believe the stars are the headlights of angels driving from heaven to save us, to save us, won't you look at the sky? They're driving from heaven into our eyes and though final words are so hard to deviseI promise that I'll always remember your pretty eyes your pretty eyes. Moments can be monuments to you, if your life is interesting and true. It's just the same for a man or a girl...

6:00am Ni Ni's Treehouse 7:20am MacDonald's Farm 8:25am Mags and Mo 8:30am Bug Alert! 8:50am The Wheels on the Bus 9:00am Teleshopping 9:25am Emmerdale Omnibus 12:10pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2:35pm Holiday Showdown 3:35pm Australian Princess 4:35pm Planet's Funniest Animals 5:05pm ITV at the Movies 5:35pm Smallville 6:35pm Smallville 7:35pm Australian Princess 8:35pm Dancing on Ice: Defrosted 9:35pm Harry Hill's TV Burp 10:05pm Dancing on Ice: Defrosted Results 10:35pm About a Boy 12:35am Dancing on Ice 1:35am Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 2:00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 2:05am Dancing on Ice: Defrosted Results 2:35am ITV Play: Make Your Play 3:40am Emmerdale Omnibus the meaning of the world lies...

6:00am E4 Music Zone 12:45pm Gwen Stefani: Live in Concert 1:45pm T4 at the Shockwaves NME Awards 2007 2:30pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm The Simple Life: Interns 6:30pm Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 7:00pm Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm To Be Announced 10:30pm To Be Announced 2:00am T4 at the Shockwaves NME Awards 2007 2:45am The Simple Life: Interns 3:05am Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 3:35am Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 4:30am Switched 5:00am Switched 5:30am Switched ... outside the world. People love people and they understand if you wanna renovate your background mind, a federal woman needs a municipal man. People gotta synchronize to animal time. You can't change the feeling but you can...

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am To Be Announced 9:10am Friends 9:40am Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 10:10am Cynhadledd y Ceidwadwyr 12:10pm The OC 1:05pm Beauty and the Geek 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing from Newbury and Kempton Park 4:05pm To Be Announced 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Newyddion 5:10pm Y Clwb Rygbi 7:25pm Y Clwb Pel-Droed 8:00pm Newyddion a Chwaraeon 8:15pm Codi Canu 9:00pm Tywysogion 10:00pm CNEX 10:15pm Bridget Jones's Diary 12:00am Bremner, Bird and Fortune 1:00am Lost Highway 3:10am To Be Announced 4:05am KOTV ...change your feelings about the feeling in a second or two. People always come around. I love to see a rainbow from a garden hose lit up like the blood of a centerfold I love the city and the city rain,suburban kids with biblical names.

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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32 gairrhydd

SUNDAY

FEBRUARY.26.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

What Makes me Happy five 9.30am

I, Robot Channel 4 9pm

Rolf on Art

Crufts 2007

Totally Spies!

BBC1 5.55pm

BBC2 7pm

ITV1 7.50am

6:00am Breakfast 7:35am Match of the Day 9:00am Sunday AM 10:00am Heaven and Earth with Gloria Hunniford 11:00am Countryfile 12:00pm The Politics Show 1:00pm Diagnosis Murder 1:50pm 'Allo 'Allo!

2:20pm Keeping Up Appearances 2:50pm EastEnders 4:50pm Songs of Praise 5:25pm When Love Comes to Town 5:55pm Rolf on Art 6:45pm Comic Relief Does Car Booty 7:35pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 8:00pm Rough Diamond 9:00pm Cold Mountain Nicole Kidman is this prissy country girl who moves to Cold mountain with her dad. She sees Jude Law working on a building site and decides he is a bit of alright and that. Unfortunately the next day he is sent off to fight in the civil war, her dad dies and Renee Zellweggar helps her run the farm and wins an Oscar for her trouble. Jude returns, they shag, he dies.

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:15pm Cold Mountain 11:45pm The Sky at Night I’m fond of Patrick Moore. He has a lovely rubbery face. If we knew each other we would be great friends. He would say things like, “Look you see that star? That star is a red supergiant.” And I’d be like, “No Patrick, you gimp, that is clearly not a red supergiant. You know nothing. Go and make me a cup of tea.” It’d be well foolish. 12:10am Sign Zone:Bill's Food 12:35am Sign Zone:Wanted

6:00am CBeebies:Balamory 6:20am Tweenies 6:40am Big Cook Little Cook 7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:10am The Batman 7:30am Smile 10:00am Something for the Weekend 11:30am Planet Food 12:00pm Animal Park 1:00pm Premiership Rugby 1:30pm Athletics 5:05pm Scrum V 6:00pm Natural World 6:35pm Meerkat Manor 7:00pm Crufts 2007: Preview This is like those beauty pageants in America except the people in it are trying to live their existence through their dogs instead of their kids.

I think it would only be funny if all the dogs that lost got put down, that would add a real edge of excitement to it. Or desperation. Or there was some kind of round where cats on speed had to do battle with the dogs. In fact, why don’t cats have their own separate competition? They could compete to see who was the laziest.

8:00pm Top Gear In my dreams Jack Bauer goes to work on Jeremy Clarkson 9:00pm Oklahoma Bomb: The Conspiracy Files 10:00pm Kombat Opera Presents 10:30pm Match of the Day 2 11:20pm Graham Norton Uncut I am so sick of Graham Norton. All he does is talk about sex and make innuendos.

He’s like a poor man’s version of Herr Lipp from The League of Gentlemen. I bet he goes home, looks at his doorknob, and thinks to himself: “Ha! Knob!” I bet he does that. 12:05am Family Guy 12:30am Family Guy 12:50am Family Guy

6:00am The Sunday Programme 7:25am House of Mouse 7:50am Totally Spies! 8:15am Yin Yang Yo! 8:30am Oban Star Racers 9:10am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am CITV:Mr Bean: The Animated Series 9:35am Feodor 9:45am Curious George 9:55am Pocoyo 10:05am Jim Jam and Sunny 10:20am Jim Jam and Sunny 10:30am Soccer Sunday 11:30am The Sunday Edition 12:30pm ITV Wales News 12:35pm American Idol 3:05pm The Crocodile Hunter Diaries You shouldn’t really hunt crocodiles, surely? Crocodiles are one of those creatures you just ignore and let go on with their lives - like Jehova’s Witnesses 3:55pm Primeval 4:55pm Dancing on Ice 6:25pm ITV Wales News and Weather 6:35pm Party Conference Broadcast 6:40pm ITV News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wild at Heart 9:00pm Lewis You can’t shoot straight you big titted bitch.

11:00pm ITV News; Weather 11:10pm The South Bank Show 12:10am The Moral of the Story 12:35am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show Jeremy Kyle deserves to drown in a huge bucket filled with the stale tears of past guests. But this won’t happen. Why? Because life is a series of anxiety-ridden jaunts towards a lonely, sudden death, where nothing ever happens as it should. Still, there’s always 24. 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am Trans World Sport 7:30am Velux 5 Oceans 8:00am World Cup Skiing 8:55am T4:Popworld 9:45am T4:Hollyoaks 12:15pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:50pm T4:Musicool 1:55pm T4:Beauty and the Geek 2:55pm T4:The OC 3:55pm T4:Ugly Betty 4:55pm Deal or No Deal Everyone’s sick of Deal or No Deal by now, aren’t they? It was all fun and tense and then Noel ruined it by being a furry weirdo. I heard that he was writing notes that said, “Dinner later, maybe more? Deal or No Deal?” and handing them to attractive contestants.

My heart wants this to be true.

5:45pm Time Team 6:40pm Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 7:45pm Channel 4 News 8:00pm Bodyshock 9:00pm I, Robot This film has the most disgusting amount of product placement in the world. I believe there is even a discussion about the merits of Apple Mac computers. Which I hate due to that bloody Mitchell and Webb advert on myspace. It’s not funny, it’s not clever and it has sold out written all over it. Cunts.

11:05pm Johnny Mnemonic Keanu Reeves is the second worst actor ever.

12:50am KOTV 1:25am Freesports on 4: The Roxy Jam 1:55am Freesports on 4 2:30am Velux 5 Oceans 2:55am World Cup Skiing 3:50am Grudge Match 4:00am Hitler's Holocaust 5:00am The Insider 5:25am Countdown

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Sailor Sid 6:40am Bird Bath 6:50am Franklin 7:15am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:15am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs Yes. Orlando Bloom is the worst. He makes wooden planks look emotional. I know he’s pretty, but come on: do we really have to put up with this guy? Can’t we just, you know, collectively make a decision to, you know, put him down, or something. Would that be so bad? Think about it.

8:30am Gerald McBoing Boing 9:00am Jane and the Dragon 9:30am What Makes Me Happy 9:45am Demolition Dad 10:00am Round the Twist 10:30am A Different Life 11:00am Snobs 11:35am RAD 12:05pm Rooted 12:40pm Revelations 1:15pm five news 1:20pm Divine Designs 1:55pm The Naked Jungle 3:45pm Logan's Run 5:55pm five news 6:05pm 50 First Dates Most realistic film that has ever existed. 8:00pm Grey's Anatomy 10:00pm When Harry Met Sally 11:55pm A1 Grand Prix 12:50am Boxing Classic 1:40am Adventure Triathlon 2:05am UEFA Cup Football 3:40am MLS Cup Final 4:30am NHRA Drag Racing Two men dressed in women’s clothing race each other around a hexagonal track.

7:00pm Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Cheese I fail to see how this is in any way a real problem, being addicted to cheese is a lifestyle choice, and it’s not like it wouldnt be a varied diet. Cheese on toast for breakfast, cheese salad for lunch, cheese sandwhich for dinner and cheese cake for pudding. Dairy Lea to snack on? Brilliant. Sorted for life. 8:00pm New Wedding Stories 9:00pm A Beautiful Mind I like that there Paul Bettany. He was dead good in Gangster Number One and Dogville (which is a totally weapon film). But now all he does is shit films. Like The Da Vinci Code. And A Knight’s Tale. And this. Silly boy. 11:05pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:35pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:05am New Wedding Stories 1:05am Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Cheese 2:00am Torchwood 2:50am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:20am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

7:00pm Wainwright: The Man Who Loved the Lakes But how much did he love the lakes? Did he make passionate love to them or did he simply dip his feet into them now and again. Was it a forbidden love? How forbidden?

Does anyone care? Because I do.

8:00pm Peter Scott: A Passion for Nature How much did he love nature?

Did he make sweet, sweet love to foliage or did he simply remark on how pretty the bracknell looked to impress girls? I would rather hang around with the cheese eaters myself. 9:00pm The Hunt for Middle England 10:30pm The New Middle Classes 11:30pm The Great British Holiday Butlins in Bognor Regis. I was ten. 12:30am The Hunt for Middle England I was going to make a witty comment about where it is but even I dont know.

6:00am Ni Ni's Treehouse 6:25am Fun Song Factory 6:35am Mopatop's Shop 6:45am Engie Benjy 6:55am Pocoyo 7:15am Fun Song Factory Probably more fun than Fun Factory. It used to be alternative, dammit... 7:25am House of Mouse 7:50am Totally Spies!

8:15am Yin Yang Yo! 8:30am Oban Star Racers 9:10am SpongeBob SquarePants Spongebob Squarepants is essential viewing. He’s a sponge. He has square pants. How the hell could you not like it? 9:25am Harry Hill's TV Burp 9:55am About a Boy 11:50am Emmerdale Omnibus 2:35pm Coronation Street Omnibus 5:00pm American Idol 6:30pm Supernatural 10:00pm The Office: An American Workplace 10:30pm Coronation Street 11:00pm Me, Myself Irene 1:10am ITV Play: Glitterball

6:00am E4 Music Zone 8:00am E4 Music's A List 9:00am Our Showbiz Mates 10:00am An Hour with Sugababes 11:00am Nothing but Sugababes 12:00pm Nothing but Girls Aloud 1:15pm Sugababes 2:05pm Popworld 2:55pm Playing it Straight 4:00pm Friends 4:30pm Friends 5:00pm Switched Up! 6:00pm The OC 7:00pm Friends 7:30pm Friends I had a friend once. He was called Fred and he smelled of freshly cut grass. He left me. They all leave me in the end.

8:00pm Ugly Betty 9:00pm ER 10:00pm Desperate Housewives 11:00pm Skins 12:00am The Charlotte Church Show 12:55am Playing it Straight 1:55am Skins 2:55am The Charlotte Church Show 3:40am My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss 4:20am Switched 5:25am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am Trans World Sport 7:30am Velux 5 Oceans 8:00am World Cup Skiing 8:55am Hollyoaks 11:30am Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 12:35pm Yr Wythnos 1:05pm Maniffesto 1:30pm Rownd a Rownd 2:00pm Rownd a Rownd 2:30pm Designers Under Pressure One of Queen’s best efforts. Recorded with David Bowie, I believe. He was in Labyrinth, which is, like, the coolest film ever if you are a small-person. I still love it. Sometimes I think about it and I cry. But then I sing and I am OK again. 2:45pm A Place in the Sun 3:45pm A Place in the Sun 4:45pm Byd o Liw 5:15pm Newyddion 5:20pm Pobol y Cwm Omnibws 7:15pm Codi Canu 8:00pm Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8:30pm Twrio 9:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 10:00pm Newyddion 10:15pm I, Robot 12:20am 100 Greatest Sex Symbols 4:00am The Insider You should really go see Hot Fuzz.

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

gairrhydd

33

PROBLEM PAGE

FEBRUARY.26.2007 PROBLEMPAGE@gairrhydd.COM

The de Ville’s Advocate This Week: I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky

Overrated/ Underrated I’ve taken it upon myself to sift through the minutae of everyday life and select the very best and worst that the modern world has to offer.

I’m fully aware that the television section offers a similar chart, but once upon a last year I used to write for that very section and am therefore entitled to steal their thunder. Not that I’m stealing, mind.

Overrated: Vosene Medicated Shampoo

A

recent trip to the wilds of Derbyshire resulted in me having to bathe my tresses in Vosene, the vilest of shampoos.

The only option (other than soap or abstinence) was to wash my locks in this medicinal gloop of despair, and my, it smelt horrific.

Every time I toss my mane, It's like sniffing a mixture of morgue cleaner and flea-infested boy. Not pleasant, I can assure you. And to top it off, I seem to be developing a flaky scalp, which defeats the object of this antidandruff nonsense.

Underrated: Pistachio Nuts

T

he true king of the nut family? Pistachio nuts are both a puzzle and a snack in equally delightful measures. Unlike Kinder eggs, (their unhealthier second-cousin by marriage) you know eggsactly (sorry, couldn't resist) what you're letting yourself in for when you crack open the shell. And besides, I don't think my poor heart can take the strain of discovering yet another crappy toy. In the course of penning this homage to all things pistachio, I have discovered that an average sized serving contains as much as three grams of ash. Ash?! My brain hurts.

Deodorant rant Dear Grace,

Dear Anon,

I have an embarrassing problem. The shower in my house is rubbish. I've passed more forceful urine streams (I must point out that I don't shower in wee) than the pathetic dribble that masquerades as a washing device.

Every day it's a constant struggle to rid my body of the layers of grime that have accumulated over the course of my tenancy of the property. It's a losing battle. Despite splashing copious amounts of Old Spice all over my decrepit body, people seem to be actively avoiding my company. Could I be suffering from some form of horrific body odour? I've grown accustomed to my own scent and therefore immune to its pungent aroma. Please help!

If this newspaper had the financial capability of offering a scratch 'n' sniff service, you would fully understand the meaning of the word 'odour'.

I've spent much time tucked away in the armpit of the Students' Union, and am now an expert in the severity of fragrance. Each week, pizza juice seeps through the floppy cardboard and deep into the fibres of the carpet. The floor itself now resembles a giant pizza, and smells like the space in hell reserved purely for evil Italian restaurateurs.

Deadline night results in a feverish film of sweat across our collective bodies. Some have been known to dribble uncontrollably once the pressure gets too much. The constant heat cooks all these lovely ingredients and simmers them gently until the

Anon

steam clings to walls, chairs, bodies and every other component of the room like a permanent film of invisible filth. Lovely.

I'm sure that you smell a darn sight better than any student journalist, so fret not my smelly compadre.

Alternatively, you could repeatedly punch yourself in the face.

Do it for a prolonged amount of time and you'll require hospitalisation. They'll give you a sponge bath in the hospital. It’ll be nice, no? And you can catch up on all that work that you missed when you were busy stocking up on perfume and Febreeze.

Smell you later, Grace xxx

PS. Why don’t you email me some of your problems? I could do with a good laugh.

I’m not a poet (and I know it) Dear Grace,

Dear Rob,

I've been puzzled for quite some time now. I've taken a shine to one of the girls in my class. She's really rather foxy, with luscious sideburns and an unusual gait.

But so far my attempts to woo her have been an absolute failure. I wanted to show her that I was playful yet intelligent. The paper aeroplanes adorned with prose that I threw her way were cruelly tossed into the waste paper basket. I then tried to ask her out via the medium of mime - she just looked bemused and ran away. I wrote a lovely poem and gave it to her housemate to pass on to her.

This repugnant girl simply laughed in my face.

What's wrong with good oldfashioned courtship? How do I make her mine?

You didn't give me any indication of the style of poetry that you write. I'm one hundred and forty eight per cent certain that the right verse can make or break a potential love match. Take my ode to Anthony Worrell Thompson for example:

Rob, Third Year maths

Gastrolove Life is a butterfly perched on an eyelash, Githeth me your love and I'll bestow to my finest pie and mash.

I've searched the oceans, I've perused the lakes, Oh won't you join me for some lovely teacakes?

Our love could ripen like an avocado, Why do you persist in making it hard, oh?

The rain patters on the patio of

my despair The bitter wind stings like a rotting éclair.

My ardour is strong like the finest Camembert, Man of the night, why must you make me hurt?

The heart I keep hidden is strangled by tagliatelle, When I see you smile my legs resemble jelly.

The End

I understand that you won't be able to reel off anything as sophisticated as my advanced prose, but you can but try. I do hope this will aid and abet your quest for love. My TV chefshaped obect of desire does not respond to my letters. Perhaps you’ll be more successful.

Fingers crossed!

Grace xxx

Train journeys are rubbish. One day I'm going to stand my ground by refusing to buy any drinks from the buffet cart. Perhaps I might insult the conductor too. Until then, I'm going to sit meekly in the corner packed like a nomadic sardine and cry silently while I wait for the leaves get cleared from the line. Keep those problems coming! xxx

34 gairrhydd FEBRUARY.26.2007

FIVE MINUTE FUN

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SUDOKU 5 2

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FMF@gairrhydd.COM

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Real Facts

up about their driving skills.

No lies this week, honest.

Women make up 49% of the world’s population.

51% of the world’s population are safe and considerate drivers.

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HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU: Close your eyes. Count to ten. Now open them and hope that Nevil the squirrel has lent a hand because you are a failure and will never do it.

CROSSWORD 2

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Tales of the unexpected

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Women are 89% more susceptable to being wound

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While life ticks by in the student grottos of Cardiff, all around strange and wonderful pixies are making magic happen in your open gash wound. We bring you these narratives of death, gouda and shrimp...

One day Al (who has browns disease and likes wearing purple velvet pantaloons) was walking to his Physics lecture when a small gremlin named Gustav Gringott III pulled him down a dark back street and touched him in bad places, like the ticklish bit behind his knee.

About 50% of Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace. This is known as inbreeding.

Leonardo da Vinci never built the inventions he designed. He drew them as doodles to amuse himself in monday morning lectures.

The world's smallest dog is the Chihuahua, which means “tiny dog in the sky”.

Pea crabs (the size of a pea) are the smallest crabs in the world.

Emerging back on to the street Al found himself suddenly blinded by the death whitening smile and coiffed bouffent of none other than Noel ‘ I have blocked ovaries’ Edmonds. Al made a dash for the door but Noel was clever, he’s not made millions from a pointless, greed-sucking but nevertheless addictive gameshow for nothing. Al was going to play.

After several gruelling minutes of guessing Al found himself with £250,000.

Intense. Needless to say Al hit the bar hard that night and was last seen back down that very alley you may remember from the beginning of this tale with Gustav Gringott III, hand down his pants, crack pipe in mouth and shit-eating grin all over his Chevvey Chase.

He had missed the seminar, his mum had killed herself and his mates had rented out his room to a Cambodian Immigrant on the run from Kurdish drug gangs because they all hated him so much.

Moral of the story? There isn’t one, this is gibberish of the first order. THE END.

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e Crazy in lov ACROSS 1 Sweet sound (6) 4 Athletics barrier (6) 9 Bell tower (9) 10 Untruth (3) 11 Colouring substance (3) 12 Started again (7) 14 About (5) 16 Calvin - - -, American fashion designer (5) 17 Spoil, tarnish (7) 19 US border river, - - -, Grande (3) 22 Deceive, swindle (3) 23 A climax (9) 24 International agreement (6) 25 Clergyman in charge of a parish (6)

DOWN 1 Flour maker (6) 2 Publican (8) 3 Slightly wet (4) 5 Clown’s bike (8) 6 Legal document (4) 7 Cry of Archimedes (6) 8 Mad (5) 13 Cenotaph (8) 15 Item of clothing (8) 16 Olga - - -, Soviet Gymnast (6) 17 Badger? (5) 18 Yearn (6) 20 Throwing line in a game of darts (4) 21 Part of the leg (4)

My p recio

us eg g

A guest appearance in the art gallery this week.

Contemporary doodler John Woo brings us a preview of his last collection...Its name?

Sphincter splat.

Exhibit no. 67 - John Woo - Life after death, D.T.R.

gairrhydd

35

GRAB!

FEBRUARY.26.2007 COMPETITIONS@gairrhydd.COM

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

Guilt-free shopping at fairtradeboutique.co.uk

I

f you like to shop with a conscience then we have found the perfect shopping idyll for you.

Fairtrade Boutique opened its cyber doors for business a mere two weeks ago and has started a whole new cyber-world of carefree shopping.

Fairtradeboutique.co.uk is a brand new site that runs smoothly and simply, selling only the finest quality fair trade products and goods sourced from all around the world. The creators aim to provide you with all you want, from the widest range of quality fair trade products available today.

The launch is perfectly timed alongside Fair Trade Fortnight which starts today. We could reel off a list of facts which show the gap in wealth between the developed and the developing world but

this is only half the story of why we should be buying fair trade goods.

It is important to remember that fair trade is not about charity, though it does have charitable roots.

It is about ensuring that more of the money that we spend and fritter away goes to the person or people who make the products that we buy.

It is about enpowering these people, so that they have more of a say in, and can take more responsibility of, their own lives.

It is about making sure that these people are justly and fairly rewarded for the work they do.

It is about the producers becoming a more important and powerful part of the supply chain.

FairTrade Boutique believe in all of the fair trade points above, and

that is why this site has been created. They want to ensure that people are buying a product that is of high quaility, that has been made by a motivated, skilled and rewarded workforce. A product that has had more time, effort and care invested into it than many of the mass produced, mass manufactuerd goods that are so readily available today.

The site provides the widest selection of fair trade goods for you to browse, from your standard groceries of teas, coffees, oils, spices and chocolates from well known brand names Divine, Green and Black and Clipper - all stamped with the fairtrade logo.

If you fancy something a little more special to satisfy your grooming and sprucing needs. Fairtrade Boutique can show how easy it is

to buy fairtrade. From luscious beauty products; to fabulous jewellery; to stylish purses, handbags and other great style accessories.

I was expecting these all to be steep, as generally all things good cost more - but was pleasantly suprised when I saw beautiful mother of pearl and leather-looking handbags from £11. They really do keep to their promise to stock everything for those of you who want to look great, but also want to feel good about where your money goes too.

It is the perfect site to pick up a special and unique gift for a friend or family, but can also be used everyday for your caffeine kicks!

And when the homeware, clothing and giftset collections open up online I can see this site really taking off, and being a welcome

change from the other shops on offer on the high street.

And by buying products that are fairly traded not only will you look great but you will feel great too, knowing that your pounds are helping to make a difference in the world. It’s enough to make you wonder why we would shop anywhere else.

To celebrate the opening, readers can receive 15% off all purchases up until the March 19. Simply visit www.fairtradeboutique.co.uk and enter the special discount code GAI071.

This offer is restricted to one per person, so you’ll have to buy as much as you can in one go to get a real, and fair, bargain.

Access All Areas ...with grab

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ridays are really kicking off in the union this term, as they just get better and better. Slightly different from the sweaty pit and cattle market feel that is reminicsent of Come Play, instead from Access All Areas you can expect a night of funky tunes, all out dancing and cheap drinks to embrace the weekend with!

Access All Areas is an alternative night where you’re more likely to hear the latest from cool peeps such as The Killers, Kasabian and classics from Ash, Muse and kick-ass DJs such as Fatboy Slim and Pendulem rather than Girls Aloud and Justin Timberlake...(although we do all

love a bit of JT and there is nothing like a Love Machine). So you can expect a mish-mash of alternative and stylish from the DJs. So there’s really no excuse for not going down for a boogie when it’s your tunes you’ll be shaking your stuff too.

If you fancy a bit of the action...or would just be rather doing anything than watching Eastenders, again, then Access All Areas is the place for you. We’ve managed to grab enough guest list tickets for you and some mates this Friday.

To enter, just get your emails to me asap as will be first come, first serve.

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

36 gairrhydd

LISTINGS

FEBRUARY.26.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

This Week: Russell Brand’s stand up show Shame; legendary Cuban musicians Buena

Real Ale Festival @ Great Hall Wed - Thurs 28 Feb - 1 March

1pm / £2.50 Ian Hill recommends

D

o you like beer? Does that question even need to be asked? Well, luckily for the many, many fans of beer and cider out there, the Great Hall is hosting Cardiff's own celebration of

Buena V ista Social Club @ Wales Millenium Centre Sun. 4 March

8pm

Jo Price recommends

B

uena Vista Social Club is bringing a flavour of Cuba to Cardiff!

A spectacular twelve-piece representation of their finest talents is due to descend this week to perform some of the best world music at the Wales Millennium Centre.

For the uninitiated, Buena Vista Social Club is a Latin jazz group distinguished by its deep, rich

the magic stuff. That's right, a two day festival devoted to beer in just about every form you can think of, and then some. The Real Ale and Cider Society would be rather pleased to have the pleasure of your company at this annual beer festival, this year celebrating its tenth anniversary, from February 28 to March 1.

Last year's record-breaking festival raised £3,000 for local charities and was our most successful ever. You drank us dry, but don't worry because this year we're back with over eighty real ales, and forty traditional ciders and perries, so there will most certainly be enough for everybody!

The list of featured drinks is as varied as ever, with award-winning beers coming from England, Scotland and most importantly, Wales. As well as the reigning 'Champion Beers' of

Britain and Wales, we will have organic beer, fruit, coffee and ginger beers, real lager and the exclusive launch of a new Welsh ale.

So, all that and entry only costs a measly £2.50, including an exclusive souvenir glass and programme, which we can all agree is pretty sweet.

The two day drinkfest will commence with the doors opening at 1pm on Wednesday February 28. On both nights, a selection of local live music will be performed and a quiz and lucky dip will be running. Food will also be available to soak up all that beer, as well as soft drinks.

What are you waiting for? Join us this St David's Day and help us celebrate it in style! If you would like more details then please contact the Real Ale Society at: festival@realales.org.uk.

sound. The group play some of Cuba's most renowned music and provide a cultural punch of exciting and exotic native beats for world music fans.

The well-established performers Guajiro Mirabel, Cachaito Lopez, Manuel Galban and Aguje Ramos are among the group of gifted musicians that will be playing.

Although they are highly influenced by their Cuban musical heritage, each individual musician provides a unique take on the musical forms of son montunos, danzon, cha cha cha, boleros and Cuban jazz, and by doing so maintains the music's variation and appeal.

Formed from the hotbed of Havana, Buena Vista Social Club's origins lie with noted American guitarist Ry Cooder. Influenced by a plethora of live music, their material is vibrant; consisting of a range of music, coming both from their début, the phenomenally successful Buena Vista Social Club

Recordings, made in 1996, to music from the present day.

The group perform with an obvious love for their material and treasure Cuba's musical history.

The playfulness of the jazz and mambo becomes devilishly persuasive in enticing you to the music's rhythm.

This rare opportunity to get a musical taste of Havana and the unquestionable talents of the Buena Vista Social Club is not to be missed, so get your tickets pronto.

Coming Up Lemar

Shame:

Russell Brand @ St David s Hall Sun. 4 March

8pm / £16.50 Listings Editor Jenna Harris recommends

R

ussell Brand, with his fauxVictorian, child-like idiot spiel, is very irritating at times. Especially when prancing around stage and repeatedly referring to his “dinkle”.

However, despite first impressions, the man with the backcombed hair and tightest black jeans around is actually a pretty decent comedian.

If you look past the haze created by media speculation (which blonde ‘celebrity’ is he hooking up with this week?) then you will find an intelligent (he is a columnist for The Guardian), witty performer who is more than the sum of his Gothic parts. Just look at the way he dealt with the clearly deranged Joss “big, big love” Stone at the Brits. Or, his

demolishing of the arsey David Williams on the otherwise cack Big Fat Quiz of the Year.

Recently, Brand's career has risen enough to start surpassing his clichéd tabloid ‘bad boy’ image. The man who once dressed up as Osama Bin Laden, while on drugs, is gone for good.

Over the last year he's done a huge number of shows: from his stickshaking on Big Brother's Big Mouth to the topical debate of Russell Brand's Got Issues. Another sign of him officially becoming embraced by the mainstream is his recent spate of award show presenting and a new BBC Radio 2 slot.

Despite the presenting, comedy has always remained his first love.

Brand’s career was first started when he reached the final of Hackney Empire's ‘New Act of the Year’ award and he was declared “Essex's Bill Hicks”. He built up a live reputation and his first major Edinburgh Festival stage show Better Now sold out at Edinburgh Festival in 2004. It was followed up the next year with the equally successful Eroticised Humour. His current show Shame is doing just as well and has led to him being crowned Time Out's ‘Stand Up Comedian of the Year’.

Whatever you may think of Brand, the man has something about him that oozes wit. If you can, try and get hold of a ticket.

Journey - 9 March @ CIA...Thea Gilmore - 15 March @ The Point... Faultline & Exit No Exit - 20 March @ Sherman Theatre... Moll Flanders - 22 March @ The Sherman Theatre... My Chemical Romance - 25 March @ CIA... Kelly Jones -25 March @ Coal Exchange...The Horrors - 30 March @ Barfly... Lemar - 30 March @ CIA... Incubus - 2 April @ CIA...

Dopamine - 12 April @ Barfly... Manic Street Preachers - 11/12 May @ SU... The Who - 1 June @ Swansea AFC...

gairrhydd 37

LISTINGS

FEBRUARY.26.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

Vista Social Club; the Real Ale Festival.

Monday

26/02

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU Cardiff’s own alternative music night. Also features DJing by Oddsoc and bands put on

by LMS in the live music room. 10pm - 2am.

Free entry with NUS. £3 otherwise.

Vodka Island @ Tiger Tiger Wales’ superclub. 9.30pm - 2am. £4.

The Jazz Attic @ Cafe Jazz Jam with the house jazz trio. All instruments and singers are welcome. £2/£1 if you perform. Arrive early.

SKWAD / Beyond All Reason / My Little Murder @ Barfly Beyond All Reason are a band of long-haired metallers who have been building a reputation for themselves. Metal Hammer has said of 2005 album Words of Betrayal that they are “The next big thing...an inventive and searing collection of modern British alt-rock.

In short, WORDS OF BETRAYAL rocks so hard it makes you glad you have ears.” Support comes from the post-hardcore Cardiff-based band My Little Murder, as yet unsigned but building a dedicated local following live. For emo kids everywhere. 7.30pm. £5/£4 with flyer.

Lunchtime Concert @ St David’s Hall This week’s concert features two works based on the theme of fairy tales. Conducted

by David Jones and performed by the Symphony Orchestra of the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama, they will play Humperdinck’s opera Hansel & Gretel (Overture and Operatic Extracts) and Ravel’s ballet score Mother Goose Suite. 1pm. £5.50.

Tuesday 27/02

Wednesday 28/02

Thursday 01/03

Planet Rock @ Clwb Ifor Bach Revamped rock night that promises “familiar classics from the fields of metal, hard rock and goth.” 9pm - 2pm. £3.

The Keith Little Band @ Cafe Jazz Good-time jazz and swing in the traditional styles of the 20s and 30s. 8.30pm. £3.

Cardiff Windband Society @ Talybont Social An evening of popular tunes from film, TV and the stage, in association with BACCUP. 7.30pm. Free.

Borat @ Chapter Arts Centre “In my country we have problem.” Another opportunity to catch Sacha Baron Cohen’s reporter alter ego, the bigoted but hilarious Borat. For the people who haven’t seen the film, it follows the exploits of the man from Kazakhstan as he explores the USA, attempting to discover the secret of its success in order to share it with his home country. If you are easily offended then this is not recommended. 6.15pm. £5.10

Rubber Duck @ Solus, SU Clubbing for jocks and pretend jocks, with a different fancy dress theme most weeks.

Surprisingly, it is a huge sell out, mostly from those of a sporting persuasion. 10pm. £3.

Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach Three floors, three different clubs: classic funk and motown; indie; cheese. 9.30pm. £3.

The Passenger @ Chapter Arts Centre Restored just last year, this features Jack Nicholson as a reporter who exchanges identities with a dead person. Recommended.

8.30pm. £5.10.

Niall Griffiths Book Launch: Runt @ Clwb Ifor Bach An unusual event for the Ifor Bach: this week it is hosting a book launch. Author Niall Griffiths will present his new work Runt. DJs Hayley Long and Sadie Kiernan will provide music, and read from Bit on the Side (Parthion). 7pm. Free.

The Last Pirate @ Sherman Theatre Welsh pirates ahoy! The Last Pirate is a play set in a small Welsh fishing village. It tells the story of a forgotten female pirate named Captain Jayne who was at one time known as Captains Morgan, Kidd and Long John Silver.

Her ship, The Charming Jayne, is the site of sword fights, battle and some frivolous merriment. If you can’t get over your Captain Jack Sparrow fix then this is a good way to bide the time until Pirates of the Caribbean III later this year. 7pm. £7.

The Bait Shop @ Barfly Alternative music club night. 10.30pm. £3/£2 NUS. Slaves to Gravity / The October Country / Juliet Sleeps @ Barfly The October Country play alternative psychdelic metal rock that their myspace: w w w. my s p a c e . c o m / t h e o c t o b e r c o u n t y describes as sounding like Screaming Trees, The Doors and Nick Cave. Juliet Sleeps are a Rhonda-formed group who have been around for three years and perform songs laced with political feeling. London’s Slaves to Gravity complete the lineup. Could be interesting.

7.30pm. £5.

Enter Shikari / Yourcodenameis: Milo @ SU Enter Shikari are a post-hardcore band from St Albans with electronic-trance influences.

They were only the second unsigned band to sell out the London Astoria, and their huge live following indicates that commerical success may soon come. They are supported by Yourcodenameis: Milo. 7.30pm. £10.

Supergene / Sweet Fontaine @ Clwb Ifor Bach St David's Day spectacular, featuring three Welsh bands. 8pm. £5.

Pick Of The Day Sweet Soul Music @ St David’s Hall It was James Brown who once asked, “Do you like good music?” and of course the answer is yes. The godfather of soul is just one of many soul legends honoured at this celebration of soul music. The show features SSM Band and Horns wth a group of singers and dancers to bring soul music to life. Classics from the likes of Aretha Franklin, Otis Reading, the aforementioned Brown, Jackie Wilson and way more. See you there. 7.30pm. £17/£21.

Simply Ballroom @ New Theatre See Monday. 7.30pm. £7.50 - £28. 50.

Bleeding Through / Caliban / All Shall Perish @ SU Metal fun. Bleeding Through are from Orange County, while Caliban are a German metalcore group who have been going for ten years. 7pm. £12.

Pick Of The Day Carmen @ WMC Time for culture as Bizet’s respected musical Carmen arrives in Cardiff. It tells the story of the impulsive Carmen, who shifts her love from one person to the next until actions cause this cycle to end. Bizet’s score includes pieces such as Habanera and the rousing Toreador’s Song. Sadly sold out. 7.15pm.

Friday 02/03

Saturday 03/03

Sunday 04/03

Access all Areas @ Solus SU New Look Friday...Another Union event, another way to make people drunk. Promises the best alternative music and beats for you to boogie to. 10pm - 2am. £3.50 / £3 adv.

The Dudes Abide @ Clwb Ifor Bach Music for those who love music. An indie and retro night that takes in the heady landscape created by the likes of Hendrix, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin and Dusty Springfield.

10.pm – 2.30am. £3.50 / £4.

Mad4It! @ Barfly DJ Mike TV comperes an indietastic night of your favourite alternative music, ranging from the Strokes to the Smiths to absolutely everything in between. 10.30pm - 2am. £5.

Beneath the Surface: Eugene Francis Jnr And The Juniors / Gethin Pearson And The Scenery / Broken Leaf @ Clwb Ifor Bach Live music from the latest local and upcoming bands. Fact: Broken Leaf were bizarrely once known as Teflon Monkey, and have already supported the Super Furry Animals on tour. 8pm. £4 / £5.

Blues Dragon Club: Debbie Lear Band @ Cafe Jazz at Sandringham Hotel 9.30pm. £3.

Come Play @ Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room. Traffic (DJ and clubbing society) playing house music in the other. 10pm. £3.50.

Fly Swatter @ Barfly Indie party fest that mixes up the best music with the even better. Surprisingly, it’s nothing to do with fly swatters. 10.30pm. £5 NUS.

Open Mike (Upstairs) @ Buffalo Bar An intimate and relaxed atmosphere where you can experience live acoustic acts, songwriters and performers, as well as participating yourself if you so desire, and share your musical talent with the rest of the world (okay, a small part of Cardiff). 8pm - 3am. £1.

The Hop @ Buffalo Bar The resident DJs present 50’s night: rock ‘n’ roll, jive, rockabilly and psychobilly. Cult 50’s films and the extra large milkshakes are another rather fine attraction. 8pm - 3am.

Free.

Pick Of The Day Simply Ballroom @ New Theatre The lavish spectacle is back, fusing ballroom dance with live theatre. The cast, all world-class dancers, will perform a number of different dance styles, from the waltz to the tango to the paso doble. Be prepared to be in awe of this superior exhibition of dancing talent. 7.30pm. £7.50 - £28.50.

Pick Of The Day Victorian English Gentlemen's Club / Ulysses / Silence At Sea @ Tommy's Bar, UWIC Cardiff’s Victorian English Gentlemen's Club are a three-piece that is slowly working their way up the musical ladder. Oh, and they have one of the best names ever.

Support band Ulysses’ chief songwriter is the possibly disingenuiously named Luke Ulysses. They have been described as “The Who meets the Super Furry Animals...”.

8pm. £4.

Towers of London @ Barfly Fronted by the shambolic Donny Tourette, who became a ‘celebrity’ by virtue of appearing on Celebrity Big Brother. 8pm. £8.

Pick Of The Day Speak Easy @ CF10 CF10 hosts four bands playing folk, jazz, indie, acoustic and electronica. There will also be DJs blending a mixture of reggae, jazz, soul, funk and electro. Prizes (dinners for two, TVs) will be up for grabs and there will be cake. Things kick off with tunes from indie band Liddington, then move along with punk grooves from Adi Boomtown. Jazz is added to the mix by Top Shelf Jazz, and finally, electronica and acoustic is supplied

by Room Temperature Cat. All money raised will go towards funding the projects SVC runs in Cardiff, including work with the homeless, elderly, young and disadvantaged. For more information see www.svcardiff.org. 8pm. £3.

International Women’s Day @ Temple of Peace The day will be celebrated with a festival run by the Women’s Arts Association. The theme is movement and the day will include a variety of dance performances, as well as a chance to participate in dance workshops.

Performances will feature styles from the Middle East, India, and others such as jive, tap and contemporary. For more information email info@womensarts.demon.co.uk.

11am – 3pm. Free.

Fairport Convention / Tiny Tin Lady @ St David's Hall One of Britain’s most influential folk bands of the last 40 years. If you like folk then you will like love them. 7.30pm. £15.

Pick Of The Day It’s Winter (Zemastan) Iranian film directed by Rafi Pitts. Stars Mitra Hadjar, Ali Nicsolat and Saeed Orkani.

This film, made in 2006, has been highly praised by film critics with The Guardian describing it as “an austerely beautiful parable… a wintry tale that calmly occupies its own poetic time and space”. Set in Tehran, it tells the tale of a man fired from his job who seeks work abroad. His family are on tenderhooks waiting for news, while his wife is approached by a stranger looking for love... family loyalities and the question of self-preservation are put to the fore in It’s Winter (Zemastan). A film that offers a refreshing change to Western cinema.

6.30pm. £5.10.

Shame: Russell Brand @ St David’s Hall Comedy from the Victorian-styled one. See preview opposite for more information.

Unfortunately sold out. 8pm.

Buena Vista Social Club @ Wales Millennium Centre The saviours of Cuban music make a much anticipated appearance in Cardiff. 8pm.

Butetown Bay Jazz: Jazz Singers of the 20th Century: Patti Flynn / Humie Webbe @ Chapter Arts Centre It’s jazz. In Cardiff. It’s a bit of a jazz-filled week. 8pm. £10.50.

Pick Of The Day BBC National Orchestra of Wales - St David's Day Celebration @ St David’s Hall The most imporant date in the Welsh calendar. Dig out your leeks and lava bread to celebrate the day of Wales’ patron saint.

There’ll be parties all over the city, but if you are looking for something different then you could try the BBC National Orchestra of Wales’ concert. They will be playing traditional Welsh melodies, such as Gareth Glyn’s Gwyl Mabsant and Mansel Thomas’ Suite of Folksongs, as well as a few extras.

7.30pm. £10 / £21.

VENUES

Students’ Union, Park Place 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Moloko, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

38 gairrhydd

SPORT

FEBRUARY.26.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Deloitte IMG Breakfast

Eilian Hughes IMG Reporter

IMG Football: Premiership Gym Gym 4 - 2 AFC History GYM GYM got off to a flying start in their Premiership campaign as they convincingly beat a much-fancied AFC History to end their opponent’s 100% win record.

Having impressed in the qualifying phase, both teams were seeking to establish their credentials as potential Premiership winners in the league’s first match.

In-form History had previously scored a staggering 39 goals in seven straight Phase One victories. But a fantastic display by emerging title-challengers Gym Gym halted their title ambitions.

Significantly, it was Gym Gym who managed the better start, immediately settling into a frenetic tempo.

Indeed, this caught History by surprise, and Gym Gym took full advantage by taking the lead. It was the everreliable Alun Williams who secured the breakthrough, surging past a defender down the left-hand channel before coolly slotting home beyond the helpless History goalkeeper.

Clearly, Gym Gym’s blistering pace and strong-willed endeavour unsettled the History defence, and they capitalised again a shortly afterwards.

Eifion Roberts spun away from his marker, before accelerating away and placing an accurate finish between the goalkeeper’s legs.

However, despite suffering this setback, History showed plenty of character and fought back bravely.

Constant pressure from midfield led to

a reduction in the two-goal deficit, as Adam Hutchings pounced on a loose ball in the box to boost his side’s spirits.

Nevertheless, it was their opponents who finished off the first-half in the ascendancy, as Emyr Huws restored his team’s two-goal lead and made the score 3-1. The tenacious midfielder headed in after a rasping drive from right-winger Gwion Schiavone was parried by the goalkeeper.

The second half proved to be a much tighter affair as both teams defended valiantly.

However, History succeeded in clawing themselves back into the game when striker Hutchings stepped up to convert a dubiously-awarded spot-kick that had provoked disbelief from Gym Gym’s ranks.

Encouraged by their goal, History piled on the pressure and came close on a few occasions to equalising.

But Gym Gym looked dangerous on the counter-attack, and despite having one shot cleared off the line when clean through, marksman Roberts made no mistake in the latter stages.

After rounding the keeper for a second time, he slottted the ball into an empty net to seal victory.

After finishing as Group B winners, Gym Gym are continuing to impress in this year’s competition following this latest victory.

But they cannot afford to become complacent. This week they entertain a MOMED side, who will be looking to record their first Premiership points after losing 3-1 to last year’s champions Engin.

Meanwhile, History will be hoping to give their title hopes a boost when they meet a CARBS side who began Phase Two with a 5-1 win over Thunderkatz.

menon on the match FOOTBALL NUMBER OF GOALS: 83 goals, 5.1875 goals per game WHIPPING BOYS: Euros lost 7-1 to TWNN in Division 3 SURPRISE PACKAGE: TWNN upset the odds and thrashed Euros 7-1. A fantastic result.

EPIC GAME: Park Rangers v Esplanyol was an 8goal thriller with plenty of action CONSISTENT PERFORMERS: Zoology and Gym Gym are the only Phase 1 group winners who won TEAM OF THE WEEK: I think TWNN deserve credit for recording their first win of the season in true style by hammering Euros

IMG Football Results Wed 21 Feb

Thunderkatz Gym Gym Engin AFC Cathays

1 4 3 0

-

5 2 1 4

AFC Cathays Engin Gym Gym CARBS

Butthead FC Law A Law B Arse’Alona

v v v v

Pharm AC Chem Soc H. Dragons Boca Seniors

J-Unit Socsi Real Ale JOMEC

v v v v

Psycho Ath. C. Crusaders Inter Me-Nan Economics

3 4 4 5

Boca Seniors Arse’Alona Law B Law A

J-Unit Inter Me-Nan C. Crusaders Psycho Ath.

0 0 3 5

-

2 1 1 2

Economics JOMEC Real Ale Socsi

1 4 7 6

Wed 28 Feb v v v v

-

-

IMG Football Fixtures Thunderkatz Zoology MOMED AFC History

1 2 3 3

1 4 1 2

NUMBER OF GOALS: 202 goals, 20.2 goals per game GOLDEN GIRLS: Law A scored 31 goals in two matches SURPRISE PACKAGE: There were no surprises this week. I’m sorry to disappoint you all.

EPIC GAME: Dynamo Tigers v Medics was a tight, 18-goal thriller. A close game.

CONSISTENT PERFORMERS: Dynamo Tigers won their fifth consecutive game in Division One. Great stuff.

TEAM OF THE WEEK: Law A clinched the IMG Netball title with two more victories. A marvellous achievement, well done girls.

CARBS AFC History MOMED Zoology

Butthead FC H. Dragons Chem Soc Pharm AC

Uni Hallstars P. Rangers Euros English Soc

NETBALL

Myg Myg Esplanyol TWNN Japsoc

Uni Hallstars Japsoc TWNN Esplanyol

v v v v

English Soc Euros Park Rangers Myg Myg

PHOTO: ROB TAYLOR

Gym Gym score four in historic victory

FULL FLOW: Catch him if you can

Boca brush Butthead aside Pete Evans IMG Reporter

IMG Football: Division 1 Butthead FC 1 - 3 Boca BOCA SENIORS began their Division One campaign with a solid win over Butthead FC. Although the game was well contested in terms of possession, it was Boca who came away with the points as they proved more clinical in front of goal.

The first half was a hard-fought affair as a boggy pitch slowed proceedings. Although Boca initially had the lion’s share of possession, it was Butthead who carved out the clearer chances in the early stages.

Ben Keen was guilty of missing a golden opportunity to score after 20 minutes.

Another couple of half chances followed for Butthead and they soon paid the ultimate price for failing to convert their pressure into goals.

Shortly afterwards, Boca took the lead after Butthead failed to clear a succession of corners. Boca skipper Mike Davies swung in a corner which was scrambled home

by Tom Misselbrook as the Butthead defence was caught napping.

The goal seemed to rock Butthead and inspire Boca who had another header cleared off the line

by Dave Bissington just before the interval.

After the restart, a bruising midfield battle continued but Boca scored a second on 55 minutes. An audacious Nick Fitrzyk free-kick from over forty yards out lobbed a surprised goalkeeper, Tom Beable, and further dented Butthead’s confidence.

And the points were all but wrapped up five minutes later in controversial fashion. Boca striker, Lee Jenkinson, poked a loose ball home after beating Butthead keeper Beable in a 50-50 challenge. As a consequence, Beable injured his knee and was left to rue his bad luck as he lay stricken on the ground.

However, a spirited Butthead refused to give up and they grabbed a consolation late on. Keen scored a long-range, speculative lob which crept into the top corner.

And Butthead could have scored a second. With five minutes left, the referee disallowed what seemed to be a perfectly good goal from Keen.

Nonetheless, Butthead were forced to reflect on what might have been as Boca secured the points.

This week Butthead face Pharm AC, while Boca meet an on form Arse’Alona side who beat Havana Dragons 4-2.

The home of all IMG fixtures, results and tables:

www.fixs.co.uk

IMG Netball Fixtures

IMG Netball Results

Sat 24 Feb

Mon 19 Feb

English IWC IWC English

A A B B

v v v v

Optometry Automotive Pharmacy B Gym Gym

Wed 28 Feb Cardiff A v Socsi A Pharmacy A v Economics A SAWSA Locomotive Law B D. Tigers

v v v v

Medics Socsi B Economics B CARBS B

Cardiff B 3 - 17 Law A Tue 20 Feb C. Union 9 - 14 CARBS A Wed 21 Feb

Football Tables IMG Football

Premiership P

W

D

L

Diff

1

CARBS

1

1

0

0

4

3

2

Zoology

1

1

0

0

4

3

3

Gym Gym

1

1

0

0

2

3

4

Engin

1

1

0

0

2

3

5

AFC History

1

0

0

1

-2

0

6

MOMED

1

0

0

1

-2

0

7

Thunderkatz

1

0

0

1

-4

0

8

AFC Cathays

1

0

0

1

-4

0

P

W

IMG Football

Pts

Division One D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Law A

1

1

0

0

2

3

2

Arse’Alona

1

1

0

0

2

3

3

Boca Seniors

1

1

0

0

2

3

4

Law B

1

1

0

0

1

3

5

Chem Soc

1

0

0

1

-1

0

6

Pharm AC

1

0

0

1

-2

0

7

H. Dragons

1

0

0

1

-2

0

8

Butthead FC

1

0

0

1

-2

0

P

W

IMG Football

Division Two D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Psycho Ath.

1

1

0

0

3

3

2

C. Crusaders

1

1

0

0

2

3

3

Economics

1

1

0

0

2

3

4

JOMEC

1

1

0

0

1

3

5

Inter Me-Nan

1

0

0

1

-1

0

6

Real Ale Madrid

1

0

0

1

-2

0

7

J-Unit

1

0

0

1

-2

0

8

Socsi

1

0

0

1

-3

0

P

W

IMG Football

Division Three D

L

Diff

Pts

1

TWNN

1

1

0

0

6

3

2

Japsoc

1

1

0

0

4

3

3

Esplanyol

1

0

1

0

0

1

4

P. Rangers

1

0

1

0

0

1

5

Myg Myg

1

0

1

0

0

1

6

Uni Hallstars

1

0

1

0

0

1

7

English Soc

1

0

0

1

-4

0

8

Euros

1

0

0

1

-6

0

* Team has been deducted 1 point

Netball Tables IMG Netball

Premiership P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Law A

7

6

1

0

55

19

2

Cardiff A

6

4

1

1

19

13

3

CARBS A

7

4

0

3

12

12

4

Economics A

6

4

0

2

-2

12

5

Cardiff B

7

3

0

4

-33

9

6

Socsi A

6

2

0

4

-13

6

7

Christ. Union

7

1

0

6

-19

3

8

Pharmacy A

6

1

0

5

-19

3

P

W

IMG Netball

Division One D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Dynamo Tigers

6

6

0

0

26

18

2

Economics B

6

5

0

1

30

15

3

Medics

5

3

0

2

11

9

4

CARBS B

5

3

0

2

3

9

5

SAWSA

6

2

1

3

8

7

6

Locomotive

6

2

1

3

3

7

7

Law B

6

1

0

5

-27

3

8

Socsi B

6

0

0

6

-54

0

P

W

IMG Netball

Division Two D

L

Diff

Pts

1

English A

6

4

2

0

52

14

2

Pharmacy B

6

4

1

1

45

13

Cardiff A 11 Econ A 6 Pharmacy A 5 Cardiff B 13

-

3 CARBS A 14 Law A 19 Socsi A 8 C. Union

3

IWC A

6

4

0

2

5

12

4

IWC B

5

3

0

2

11

9

5

English B

6

2

0

4

-7

6

Econ B 12 Socsi B 7 Medics 8 Locomotive 13

-

8 SAWSA 15 CARBS B 10 D. Tigers 7 Law B

6

Optometry

6

2

0

4

-32

6

7

Gym Gym

4

1

1

2

-2

4

8

Automotive

5

0

0

5

-72

0

gairrhydd

39

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FEBRUARY.26.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

CARBS cruise to Rangers still looking for a win victory

The Deloitte IMG Breakfast Sun 18 Feb

PARK RANGERS are now the only side without a win in this year’s competition, even though they battled bravely to earn a point last Wednesday.

As TWNN beat Euros 7-1 elsewhere, Rangers are still looking for their first win of the season.

But Rangers came close to sealing the points in this eight-goal thriller, as they blew a 3-1 advantage.

In what proved to be a compelling encounter, Esplanyol took the lead after 15 minutes. Great work on the

Engin 64 - 0 Planning Wed 21 Feb MASTS N - N Law Stoma N - N CARBS B N= result not in yet

IMG Rugby Fixtures Sun 25 Feb Engin v Stoma Planning v MASTS Wed 28 Feb Law v CARBS A CARBS B v MASTS

IMG Rugby

Harry Sedman found the net shortly after a claim for offside was made.

Both teams continued to create chances but Esplanyol wrestled control when they converted two quick goals in the latter stages.

But with one minute left, Rangers grabbed a last-gasp equaliser. Ross Mugee picked out Alex Skeltons who nodded the ball past the Esplanyol goalkeeper to bring the scores level.

This week, Park Rangers face league leaders TWNN, who will be brimming with confidence. Esplanyol entertain their previous Group B rivals, Myg Myg.

23/2/07 (Please note: some results are missing) W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Engin

3

3

0

0

104

9

2

CARBS A

2

2

0

0

34

6

3

Pharmacy

1

1

0

0

2

3

4

MASTS

1

1

0

0

5

3

5

SAWSA

3

1

0

2

-31

3

6

Law

0

0

0

0

0

0

7

Medics

2

0

0

2

-7

0

8

Stoma

1

0

0

1

-19

0

9

CARBS B

2

0

0

2

-24

0

10

Planning

1

0

0

1

-64

0

P

BATTLE: Not for faint-hearted

PACE: A neccessity in IMG

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

Super Psycho shine in five-star show

Law A clinch the netball title LAW A have secured the IMG Netball title this year following comfortable victories against Cardiff B and title-rivals, Economics A. Although some matches in this year’s IMG Netball competition have not been played, Law A cannot be caught. Second-placed Cardiff A lie six points behind them with one game to play.

Law clinched the title last week after defeating Cardiff B 17-3 and Economics A. In the end, Law remained unbeaten during their Premiership campaign as they notched six wins and one draw.

Astonishingly, Law ammassed a goal difference of +55 in their last seven games, scoring a staggering 112 goals in the process.

Elsewhere, Dynamo Tigers are on

the verge of winning the Division One title. The Tigers require a win or draw against fourth-placed CARBS B to end up as league winners.

Their title-rivals, Economics B, must beat Pharmacy A and hope Tigers slip up to stand any chance of claiming the title.

Finally, English A are one victory away from completing this season as Division Two winners. English are currently one point ahead of Pharmacy B and a tense finish could be on the cards.

English need to beat seventh-placed Optometry to claim the title, while Pharmacy B must take all three points against IWC B. A special IMG Netball end-of-season review can be found in next week’s gair rhydd. For further information, log on to www.fixs.co.uk.

Justin Savage IMG Reporter

IMG Football: Division 2 Psycho Ath. 5 - 2 Socsi PSYCHO ATHLETICO made the perfect start to life in Division Two with a fantastic victory over Socsi.

Following a thrilling first half where both teams scored two goals each, Psycho raised their performance in the second period to complete a 5-2 win.

The game started at a fast pace with both teams creating an array of opportunties. However, Psycho suffered an early blow when their reliable defender, Adam Lyons, was stretchered off in the first five minutes with a suspected sprained ankle.

The change took time to bed in and as a result, Psycho were subjected to a period of sustained pressure by Socsi.

Nonetheless, Psycho soon opened the scoring after 15 minutes. Psycho striker, Richard Barnes, chipped the ball beyond the advancing Socsi goalkeeper after cleverly latching onto a long pass.

But their lead only lasted for ten minutes. Socsi striker, Eliot Holt, who showed promise in the air against the Psycho centre-backs, finally broke through to head home a well-taken equaliser.

However, Psycho responded in the best possible way by restoring their lead. Justin Savage, the veteran Psycho striker, controlled a lofted ball on the thigh before slotting it past the Socsi goalkeeper.

Savage had to beat two Socsi defenders to the ball and struck his first goal of the match despite carrying a pulled hamstring.

However, the Psycho celebrations were cut short. Socsi levelled the match immediately thanks to a strike from Gareth Thomas.

The second half started off in a similar vein to the first. Socsi had all the possession and should really have scored at least three times. In one instance, a Socsi player somehow failed to score into an open goal from just a few yards out.

But after 20 minutes of pulsating, end-to-end football, Psycho finally broke the deadlock. Ben Saltmarsh met Adam Edwards’ pinpoint cross with a superb diving header which found the net.

And, as Socsi began to tire, a confident Psycho took full advantage of the situation to seal victory. Following great work from the hardworking Barnes, the ball fell kindly to Savage who slotted home his second to make the score 4-2.

Although Socsi refused to give up and battled hard throughout the latter stages, Psycho subsequently added a fifth. Harry Birch bundled the ball home following a goalmouth scramble.

In what could prove to be an open Division Two title race, Psycho could now be considered as an early contender following this win. But they must beat J-Unit this week to sustain their title hopes.

Meanwhile, Socsi play against a Cardiff Crusaders team who opened their Phase Two campaign with a 3-1 win against Real Ale Madrid.

Matt Conlan IMG Reporter

IMG Football: Premiership Thunderkatz 1 - 5 CARBS

CARBS secured their place at the top of the Premiership with a comprehensive win over a hardworking Thunderkatz side.

Although Zoology won 4-0 against AFC Cathays elsewhere, CARBS are currently top of the Premiership on virtue of goals scored.

CARBS started brightly and soon took the lead. James Davis opened the scoring in the 10th minute when his free-kick sailed into the corner of the Thunderkatz goal.

And CARBS soon doubled their lead minutes later. Man-of-the-match Davis grabbed his second from outside the box when full-back Matt Malsly’s cross was not properly cleared.

A relentless CARBS continued to press forward and they soon clinched victory with a third goal.After twenty minutes, CARBS striker Mark Conlan latched onto a Mark Babbage throughball before beating the Thunderkatz goalkeeper with a venemous strike.

Thunderkatz did improve but they were caught once more on the break.

The lively Malsly found space on the flank and an attempted cross cruelly lobbed the goalkeeper from approximately 25 yards out.

The game was much tighter in the second half as players from both teams began to tire.

But CARBS made the score 5-0 midway though the second half when winger James Weaves lobbed the Thunderkatz goalkeeper with a deft header at the far post.

However, a plucky Thunderkatz did get some reward for their endeavours when they pulled a goal back through a header when the ball rebounded off the bar. Yet a comeback always seemed unlikely as CARBS had already sealed the points.

This week, CARBS meet a History side who will be determined to get back to winning ways. Elsewhere, Thunderkatz will be looking to beat AFC Cathays who lost heavily against title-challengers, Zoology.

PHOTO: JAMESON KERGOZOU

P. Rangers 4 - 4 Esplanyol

IMG Rugby Results

right-wing enabled an Esplanyol striker to score with a simple finish.

But Rangers soon levelled the match following a superb long-range shot from Oli Cook. And the Rangers captain soon found the net again when he headed home a cross from Alex Brooks.

After the break Rangers made the score 3-1 when Patrick Conns beat the Esplanyol goalkeeper from inside the penalty area.

But Esplanyol responded well and soon clawed their way back into proceedings. However, a controversial decision led to their second strike as

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

IMG Football: Division 3

MAN ON: Will he pass?

gairrhydd 41

SPORT

FEBRUARY.26.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Having a ball Medics struck off Victoria Soman DanceSport Reporter

CARDIFF WAS recently represented at the Southern Universities Dance Association competition the ‘Southern Friendly’.

The competition featured any Southern university dance team except Oxford, Cambridge and London.

Cardiff entered three teams and returned home with an excellent set of results. Hosted by Southampton in the Eastleigh Ballroom, the atmosphere was competitive as the heats began.

Starting strongly team Captain Mike Chen and his partner Luiza Patorski came first in the Intermediate Ballroom with their Waltz, Tango and Quickstep, while Club President Dave Sunnucks and Amelia Reed scooping first in the Novice Ballroom section, with Neil Humphryes and Nicola Barker reaching the Semi-finals.

Semi-final places were similarly achieved in the Beginners’ Quickstep, as Jason Fish and Hannah Paley battled through a tough field, while in the Open Viennese Waltz, Chen and Victoria Soman just missed a final spot.

In the Latin Sections, beginners Helen McKenzie and Lauren Old were knocked out at the semi-final stage with their cha-cha-cha gaining them fourth in the Beginner Jive competition.

In the Novice category, Sunnucks and Reed, and David Lewis with partner Soman made the semi-finals, but Humphryes and Barker went further, reaching the final and placing sixth overall.

The Open Paso Doble featured three Cardiff couples, with Fish and Louise Southwell coming sixth, Chen and Patorski gaining fourth place and Humphryes and Barker third.

McKenzie and Old also came second in the same-sex Rumba.

Other Cardiff couples also had high achievements with many reaching quarter finals, only just missing out on a place in the semis. Chris Lee and Sarah Murray, Joe Sanford-Pooley and Southwell, Siobhan McCann and Jenna Murgatroyd, and Ankit Mishra and Simone Matthew also joined the Beginner couples on the floor putting up some fierce competition to make several rounds.

James Colcombe and partners Kate

PHOTO: ADAM GASSON

Motoring ahead

KARTING: The Stig goes back to basics

Johnston and Charlotte Andrews made it through several rounds in the Novice ballroom and Latin.

In the Team Match, Chen and Patorski came third with their Waltz and Sunnucks and Reed came fourth with their Quickstep.

Overall Cardiff A came fourth, which was an excellent achievement, given the strength of the dancers. With the regional and national competitions approaching, the success so far bodes well for the next round of competition.

Henry Williams Motor Sport Reporter CARDIFF’S MOTORSPORTS club competed in the third and fourth rounds of the British University Karting Championship recently, at the Rye House track in Hertfordshire.

The track was new to the championship, meaning that none of the drivers had tested on the track before. An early start was greeted by a damp circuit, which was not ideal for drivers to learn the course.

The A team thought they stood a good chance of a decent finish when

Jack Zorab Rugby Reporter

points than in the fixture earlier on in the season.

Cardiff’s defence was organised ST MARYS 1sts . . . . . . . . . . .34 and it was enforced well. The likes of Nick Carter, Tom Cleand and Lawrie CARDIFF MEDICS 1sts . . . . . . .5 Kidd in the forwards and Hywel James in the backs made sure that St. CARDIFF MEDICS Firsts strug- Marys’ tries had to come the hard gled against a quality St. Marys way.

This caused the home side to play outfit, in a match that they knew was going to be a tough away some great structured rugby, none better than their try right after halfbattle.

The promotion candidates will time which stretched Cardiff over almost definitely be in the top divi- every blade of grass and then some.

Furiously tiring but great to watch. sion next season.

When Cardiff did have the ball St. Marys it seemed had not so much upgraded their backline since they didn’t waste their time. Gough the last time the two teams met at orchestrated some fine moves in the Llanrumney, but drafted in a com- middle of the paddock which Harris eagerly made the most of. pletely new set of them.

Unfortunately not right until the They played a very well balanced game between backs and forwards death did these forages amount to and they didn’t have to rely so much anything. Harris took a quick line on their quite sizeable brutes up front out, Jolley provided the cameo and handing it back to Harris to score in to win the game.

It is testament to how much the the corner.

Only a consolation; but a good Medics have improved as a team though, that they conceded less one.

they were awarded a front row start in one of the rounds. Qualifying is randomly determined before the race day, meaning that in some races, your team might be near the front and in others you’re nearer the back.

Needless to say that President David Ap-Thomas begrudgingly accepted the front row start and stayed with the leader but hit a backmarker and lost a wheel, which had a critical effect on his handling.

Throughout the morning, however, the track gradually dried out, with the highlight of the morning’s individual races being a fourth place finish for Greg Parry.

This gave hope for the afternoon

races, which follow the format of Iron Man challenge, whereby two drivers share the kart for an hour long endurance race, during which three pit stops have to be made.

Both A and B teams competed solidly with the A team scoring its first podium of the year in the second race of the afternoon.

The day was a great success and a vast improvement on the previous rounds at Whilton Mill.

The next round takes place in a couple of weeks at Buckmore Park in Kent, where, fingers crossed, the teams can push for yet more podiums, and possibly that elusive win.

comment Huw Davies puts forward his views on the FA Cup replay debate IF ARSENAL’S 0 - 0 draw with Blackburn in the Fifth Round of the FA Cup was anything to go by, the prospect of the replay holds as much interest for me as watching the paint on Wembley Stadium dry.

The BBC called the match “strictly for tactical enthusiasts”, but it was more of an advert for lawn bowls. So, some say, why waste any more time with replays?

Arsene Wenger and Glenn Roeder, both managing teams in Europe, have recently made fresh calls for an end to FA Cup replays in order to ease fixture congestion.

Wenger’s Arsenal will have to play an extra fixture at Ewood Park just several days before a key Premiership clash against a resurgent Reading.

Both men argue that with so many games to be played, a draw in the FA

Cup should be decided on the day, meaning extra time and possibly penalties.

An abandonment of the replay system would have its benefits, and would be welcomed by some, but the big clubs’ motives are of questionable integrity.

Their primary concern is over their players’ fitness, and although understandable, this is insufficient cause for change.

It is, of course, tragic that players being paid five-figure sums of money each week should play three matches in eight days, but to change FA Cup rulings to save the legs of those playing in Europe shows overwhelming prejudice towards the big fish of football. And the FA Cup is, after all, a minnows’ competition.

Nearly every year there is at least

one lower- or non-league side that causes a cup upset, usually in the form of a draw, which forces a lucrative replay, producing a substantial amount of money for the underdogs.

To change FA Cup rulings to save the legs of those playing in Europe shows overwhelming prejudice towards the big fish Football is not all about money (hah), but it is hard to begrudge Burton Albion the £1 million they earned as a

result of holding Manchester United to a 0 - 0 draw in last year’s third round.

And forgetting financial arguments, who would deny Burton, and the 12,000 Burton fans who travelled to Old Trafford, the chance of a wellearned return leg against one of the biggest football clubs in the world?

Many enthusiasts argue that cutting replays would actually give the underdogs a greater chance of winning.

But this is not necessarily the case: after spending 90 minutes being run off their feet keeping the Premiership giants at bay, it is likely that an extra half-hour against physically fitter and stronger players would simply be too much of an ask – and penalties, far from being a complete lottery, inevitably favour those used to highpressure situations.

This is not meant to be patronising;

merely realistic.

FA Cup replays have produced some of the greatest games in the competition’s history. And the fact is that the likes of Arsenal have sufficiently large squads to rest key players and still win games (in fact, Steve Coppell challenged their decision to loan out so many players).

Sadly, playing for a draw and consequent home replay – Mark Hughes – does, but at the end of the day you do what you can with the team you have.

Cesc Fabregas was an idiot for suggesting Blackburn should have played “Barcelona football”. FA Cup replays may not be ideal, but they should certainly not be dropped to appease Arsene Wenger.

If Arsenal are so desperate to avoid a replay, they should try winning the game to begin with. Oh, they were…

42 gairrhydd

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FEBRUARY.26.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Bath T ime Emma Green Badminton Reporter CARDIFF Men’s 1sts . . . . . . . .5 CAMBRIDGE Men’s 1sts . . . . . .3 CARDIFF MEN’S 1sts progressed to the quarter finals after a deserved victory of 5 - 3 against Cambridge.

The two singles players, Alex Ewins and Simon Broomfield successfully won both their singles games against the first and second seed Cambridge players as the tie started well.

Ewins secured an easy victory of 21 - 6 and 21 – 7, noting it was his “best singles playing in 5 years”; Ewins is yet to lose a singles match this year.

Broomfield, Cardiff’s top singles player beat his opponent comfortably in a 21 - 12, 21 - 10 triumph.

In the reverse rubbers, Broomfield was taken to three sets, closing the game out 21 – 16 in the final set to take the victory 21 - 13, 17 - 21, 21 - 16.

The Men’s doubles pairing of Jesse Scharf and Martin Pusback, who were both making their debuts for the Men’s 1sts put up a good fight against strong opponents, but Cambridge managed to close the gap in the tie with a solid win.

The closest match of the afternoon came courtesy of the doubles partnership of Joe Ng and Nick Warrener who won their first match 2 - 1 with a nail biting final set score of 22 – 20 to take the game 15 – 21, 21 – 18, 22 - 20.

Unfortunately, they lost their second match 10 - 21 and 12 – 21, but it didn’t affect the final result as the squad sealed a 5 – 3 win to go through to the next round in the knockout competition where Bath await them.

CAMBRIDGE: Toff Off

Notts knockout Welsh snooker Neil Fairbrother Snooker Reporter

CARDIFF SNOOKER Club 3rds were in action last weekend in a new competition, the BUSA Shield.

Due to a change in BUSA structure, the 3rd team could not qualify for the main BUSA Championship weekend, and therefore were entered into the Shield tournament, held at Willie Thorne's Snooker Centre in Leicester.

The team was placed in a group with Glasgow 2nds and York 2nds, with the opening match pitting them against the Scottish Uni. Andy Kusiak and Dave Xuereb started for Cardiff, with Kusiak winning 2 - 0, and Xuereb being unlucky in losing 0 - 2.

Captain Richard Haines also lost 0 2 against a very good potter from Glasgow, but Joe Price, playing fourth, gave Cardiff some hope with a 2 - 0 thrashing, leaving the scores at 4 - 4 with one to play.

In the decider, Neil Fairbrother took the opener by a large margin, but lost a close second frame that could have gone either way, leaving the final score at 5 - 5. In the second match, Cardiff faced York 2nds. This time, Kusiak lost 2 – 0 in the first match, but Xuereb took a frame to draw his game 1 - 1.

Haines won the third game 2 - 0, to level at 3 - 3, with the final two matches taking place simultaneously.

Fairbrother's first frame was the first to finish, as he beat the York captain on the green to put Cardiff ahead.

Price's first frame went down to a respotted black as the scores were level, but he lost out as York levelled at 4 - 4. Fairbrother's final frame started badly, as he fell 25 points behind.

However, he took advantage of an inoff on the brown to push the frame to a black decider.

Both players missed fairly easy attempts, before Fairbrother potted it to make the score 5 - 4 to Cardiff.

Therefore it was down to Price's frame, which again went down to the wire.

Price potted a brilliant last three balls, including a very difficult black under pressure to draw 1 - 1 and give Cardiff a 6 - 4 win.

After this, Cardiff had to wait for York to play Glasgow to see whether they would progress. Fortunately for the Welsh side, York won, allowing Cardiff to finish top of the group, ahead of York, with Glasgow last.

Fairbrother dominated the first frame, but was robbed of it as his opponent fluked the blue and cleared up to win In the Quarter Final, Cardiff were drawn against Nottingham 2nds. With extra tables available in this round, the first three games were played at the same time.

In these, Kusiak and Xuereb each took a frame to draw 1 - 1, with Haines disappointingly losing 0 - 2, to leave Cardiff 2 - 4 down with four frames left.

Rear-gunners Price and Fairbrother were left to rise to the challenge.

Fairbrother dominated the first frame, but was robbed of it as his opponent fluked the blue and cleared up to win.

Having heard this, Price also lost, as Fairbrother had, on the black, leaving the scores at 6 – 2 with no way back for Cardiff.

All in all, Cardiff felt they had exceeded expectations and that it had been a good weekend. The 1sts and 2nds will be in action at the BUSA Championship in Leicester on March 10 and 11.

Dames off to Lords Ladies’ Cricket take the win against Oxford side Ruth Smith Cricket Reporter

CRICKET: Rearguard Action

ALL THAT stood between Cardiff University Ladies’ Cricket team and a place in the indoor finals at Lords was a 250 mile journey to York and two wins.

The draw went in Cardiff’s favour with Loughborough being drawn against Sheffield Hallem and Cardiff being placed with Oxford and Warwick.

With Warwick taking a victorry against Oxford, Cardiff had to hold their nerve in the first game against the ‘must win’ Oxford side.

Cardiff won the toss and put Oxford into bat first and due to a near flawless display of bowling, especially by Lauren Woolfenden, who made

it extremely hard for the Oxford openers to make any runs from her three overs, Cardiff restricted their opponents to only 83 runs from their allotted 12 overs.

These runs were easily obtained by the Welsh side, as openers Emma Kislingbury and Ettie Eyre confidently batted Cardiff to victory after just 7.3 overs. The final game of the day against Warwick was the decider, with the champion gaining the remaining place at the Lords finals.

Cardiff were put into bat first and after a brief lapse in communication, opener Ettie Eyre was run out for 11.

Captain Ruth Smith went into bat, supporting another excellent innings

by Emma Kislingbury who reached the retirement total of 25 runs.

With half the overs remaining

Smith managed to put on a stand of 23 runs with the needed support of batting partner Bethan Smith.

This left Warwick the difficult task of scoring 133 runs to win the game, and their openers hastily tried to equal Cardiff’s run rate.

However Cardiff’s fielding was again exemplary and soon the wickets fell. Smith took an amazing catch, and an excellent bowling display by Jo Ferris and Eyre meant that the game was secured after 9 overs.

Wicketkeeper Laura Ralph also contributed to both matches not allowing any byes past her, while also taking three run outs. This all round team performance places Cardiff ladies in a very strong position for next week’s finals at the home of cricket in London.

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SPORT

FEBRUARY.26.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Goalkeeper Lizzie Hawes was also forced to demonstrate her prowess, as she repeatedly rushed out to save with her feet as Exeter CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . . .2 continued to threaten.

Eventually the pressure told as EXETER Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . . .3 Cardiff fell behind to a scrappy goal from close range after a short corner CARDIFF LADIES’ Hockey 1sts was well blocked.

However, Cardiff responded to were knocked out of the BUSA Championship at the last 16 the setback impressively and prostage, after an agonising 3 - 2 ceeded to enjoy their best spell of the half. defeat against Exeter.

Midfielder Griffiths stung the Having topped the Western 1A League with the perfect of records, palms of the Exeter ‘keeper followthe team had qualified for the ing an incisive passing move, and a strongest BUSA knockout competi- shot then drifted narrowly wide from the resulting corner. tion.

As the half drew to a close This pitted them against an Exeter team which had finished Cardiff continued to press, with fourth in the league above them and captain Tamara Fateh excelling in despite competing well, it was not midfield, utilising her confidence with the ball at her feet to carry the Cardiff’s day.

Few chances were created in the attack to Exeter.

Unfortunately, Cardiff failed to opening ten minutes as both sides worked hard to disrupt each other’s carry their attacking momentum attacking momentum, but as the half into the second half, and their hopes wore on Exeter began to demon- of a comeback were dealt a blow strate their ability by working the when Exeter doubled their advantage with a carbon copy of their ball around fluently.

As the pressure mounted, opener.

Undeterred, Cardiff immediately Cardiff’s goal came under threat, and it took an excellent intervention reduced the deficit, with Fateh from midfielder Angharad Griffiths bursting past an Exeter defender and picking out team mate Sophie Blair to prevent a certain goal.

Ed Pitchforth Sports Reporter

PHOTO: SARAH DAY

Hockey heartbreak who dispatched a fierce shot to make it 2 - 1.

Five minutes later and Cardiff were level, with Fateh getting herself on the score sheet with a sublime reverse strike which drew plaudits from the crowd.

With their fighting spirit rewarded with level scores, the ladies were forced to work hard to keep it that way as Exeter fought back strongly.

The following 15 minutes were played at a frenetic pace, and Cardiff again had goalkeeper Hawes to thank after another brave save.

The game looked set for a thrilling finish, but this was ruined as Cardiff gave the ball away on the halfway line, allowing an Exeter player to race through an exposed defence and round the ‘keeper for an easy finish.

Desperate for a way back into a vital match, the Cardiff team battled hard, but they failed to mount any prolonged pressure as Exeter defended their half expertly.

Speaking after the game, a disappointed Fateh commented; “The girls have been excellent all season, and I was delighted the way we competed against a strong Exeter side. To fight back from 2 - 0 was pleasing, it’s just a shame we couldn’t do it one more time.”

HOCKEY: Shock Knockout

Warwick worn down PHOTO: SARAH DAY

Emma Green Badminton Reporter CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . . .6 WARWICK Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . .2 CARDIFF LADIES’ 1sts followed in their male counterparts footsteps as they fought through to the quarter finals of the BUSA Championship knockout with an impressive 6 – 2 defeat of Warwick.

Rachel Nurse and Amy Gorochowski gained two comfortable victories against their Warwick opponents in the opening rubbers.

Iris Koh won 21 – 8, 21 - 12 in her first match-up against Warwick’s top seed, then scooped a 21 – 5, 21 - 11 in her second game.

Nurse, Cardiff’s number one singles player beat he opponent 21 - 5 and 21 - 14 and then their 1st seed 21 – 8, 21 – 4 in the reverse fixture.

Doubles pairing Vicki Hallett and Tara Weir lost against Warwick’s strongest duo 8 – 21, 11 - 21, but came fighting back with an easy victory against their 2nd pairing 21 - 2 and 21 – 4.

Finally, Cardiff’s premier doubles team of Kim Brewster and Gorochowski, who have played together for past two years, closed out their last ever match together in a close

WARWICK: Cock Off run tie against Warwick’s own partnership. Their two year history has been a successful one, only having ever lost once against Bath in the BUSA league.

Their first game was a simple one; winning 21 - 1 and 21 - 3. However, Warwick’s 1st pair tarnished the occa-

sion slightly, as they caused a 10 - 21, 21 – 19, 15 – 21 upset in a tighly fought game.

Despite this, the squad qualified for the next round with a 6 - 2 overall victory, setting up a quarter final with Durham.

Woody’s

word

a note from the AU President IT’S ALL HAPPENING. The University have stumped up some serious money for sport, and you know what? It’s all because of you.

The student voice has been heard. It is a common myth that the student body is generally apathetic, as the Invest in Sport campaign has shown.

For over 300 people to turn out on Saturday morning for the Invest in Sport Fun Run is genuinely heartwarming.

There was a real community atmosphere in Bute Park as we were united in support of the cause, and crucially, enjoying ourselves.

I would like to congratulate everyone who took part and also thank the volunteers, without whom the event couldn’t have happened.

Massive credit to Syd Lawrence too, whose spandexed efforts raised £279 for Comic Relief.

The Union’s Health Month has been a massive success too; gym figures and AU turnout is much higher than this time last year. And we’ve handed out over 1,000 pieces of fruit! Top banana.

On the pitch, our teams had an incredible week in the first BUSA playoffs of the season.

It was extremely tense as I watched Badminton and Ladies Basketball hold on at the death to qualify for the next round! Congrats to all involved, and good luck for next week.

The Welsh Cup is looming, and Varsity is around the corner. Tickets go on sale March 12, and will be selling like proverbial hot cakes.

SEND IN YOUR BUSA REPORTS sport@gairrhydd.com

Sport gairrhydd

Women’s Hockey fall at the first hurdle: page 43

CARDIFF 1STS 39 BIRMINGHAM 1STS 34

NETBALL SHOOT THROUGH Scott D’Arcy Sports Reporter CARDIFF CAME through their first knockout round match unscathed, as they beat Birmingham 39 - 34, despite struggling against a Midlands they had not faced in the regular season.

The tempo of the game was set high early on and the work rate of each player was exemplary.

Birmingham got off to a strong start, scoring six points to Cardiff’s three.

This did not last long however, as Cardiff came storming back, scoring eight unanswered points to lead

12 – 7 at the end of the first quarter.

Cardiff’s passing settled and allowed them to exploit holes in their opponent’s defence and both shooters were remarkably efficient in scoring their attempts.

The second quarter started the same as the first, with Cardiff getting caught a little off-guard as they nearly allowed Birmingham to draw level.

However, two injuries significantly hindered the visiting team, as first their tall GK took a knock to the hand, and later their GD collided with a team mate and limped around for awhile during a short timeout.

Again, in a reflection of the first quarter, Cardiff broke clear of their

opponents, scoring eight unanswered points thanks to some excellent team play.

One particular goal was notable as it was a prime example of the teamwork that gave them the edge in this match.

After a missed shot by Birmingham, Cardiff GK Sam Lyons passed the ball to start the play and the ball was handled by every player on the team until a long pass found GA Jess Zajaz just in front of the net, who deservedly scored to highlight an outstanding individual effort.

Cardiff took a commanding ten point lead into the second half and it was hard to see Birmingham challenging to win, as their scoring was

far less efficient than their Welsh opponents.

The game became a bit more balanced at the start of the third quarter and both teams scored consistently, but somehow it was Cardiff’s weakest period, chalking up only seven whilst conceding eight.

Birmingham seemed determined not to be humiliated and so put a brave face on the frustration caused by the tough Cardiff defence.

The hosts took a good lead into the final 15 minutes and could have closed the game out relatively easily, if they had not lost some of their concentration.

From the breakdown of scoring in each quarter it was apparent that Cardiff scored less as the periods

went on while conceding more and this is something they will have to prevent if they are to go on further in the knockout stages.

Their opponents nearly took the chance to inflict what would have been a travesty on a Cardiff team that worked very hard to qualify, as they mounted a comeback. They moved to within five points, the closest margin since just before halftime.

But Cardiff rallied together and put on a vital nine points to seal victory with a final score of 39 – 34.

As their coach reflected afterwards; “It was a good squad performance and although it was a shaky start, the girls showed a great deal of maturity.”

PHOTO: SARAH DAY

Cardiff 1sts hold on against determined Brummies to secure place in next round

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