gair rhydd - Issue 837

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ISSUE 837 MARCH 12 2007

CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY free word - EST. 1972

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N A C E D A R T IR A F G IN Y BU BECOME A REALISTIC AND ACCESSIBLE E N O Y R E V E R O F E IC CHO

News look ahead to the forthcoming Union elections

” TOO MANY

As Fairtrade fortnight comes to an end, Features investigates how we can all get ethical on a student budget

Pages 4 & 5

QUESTIONS ! Medics forced to leave exam due to Univeristy slip-up ! Re-sit students at ‘unfair disadvantage’

Adam Millward News Editor HUNDREDS of Cardiff University students feel let down by examination blunders, gair rhydd can reveal, after a number of medicine students received scripts including the answers, last week.

Taking place on Monday March 5 in the Histology Laboratory and two other rooms in the Biosciences building, the test constituted 30% of the mark of the ‘Health in Society’ module, for which one source reveals students had been ‘preparing for ages’. Minutes into the exam however, the invigilators were informed by students that some papers listed not only the questions but the answers too.

As a result, the 50 or so students taking the paper in the Histology Lab had to stop, while the assessment was permitted to continue in the other rooms. According to one male medic student who was involved in the fiasco, the invigilators ‘were 30 scripts short’ and as a consequence were forced ‘to do some last minute photocopying, but the paper used to photocopy had the answers on’.

It was decided by the BIOSI team in charge that the best course of action would be for the entire room of students, of which only a handful had received faulty scripts, to sit a rescheduled ‘supplementary exam’ on Wednesday March 7.

The male medic student expressed further distress that the Wednesday exam contained a number of identical questions to Monday’s and that mistakes such as these could be jeopardising the prestige of

Cardiff University degrees.

He said: “My main concern from all this is the competence of the department and how seriously it takes the exams. In the [2006] summer exams, our ‘Clinical Integrative’ exam used the exact same questions that had been asked in previous years, which had been circulated.

“It seems to me that surely new questions should be thought up every year.

Medicine is a five-year course and is a big commitment. I don’t want Cardiff to get a reputation of being a second-rate university and make my degree worthless.”

Andy Todd, a second-year Medic who also received one of the flawed scripts, is outraged by the mix-up. He said: “We started the exam and then 15-20 minutes in we were told to stop because Continued on page two

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a glance

MARCH 12 2007 News Editorial & Opinion Column Letters Features Science/Environment Media Politics Health Jobs & Money Television Problem Page Five Minute Fun Grab Listings Sport

1 9 13 15 16 19 20 23 25 27 29 37 38 39 40 42

EDITOR Perri Lewis DEPUTY EDITOR Sophie Robehmed ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR Elaine Morgan CREATIVE EDITOR Graeme Porteous NEWS Adam Millward, Helen Thompson, Jo Dingle, Katie Kennedy POLITICS Andy Rennison EDITORIAL AND OPINION Ed Vanstone, Georgie SPORT Dave Menon, George Pawley LISTINGS Jenna Harris, Rosaria Sgueglia TELEVISION TV Gareth, TV John, TV Neil, TV Jane, TV Ellen LETTERS Rachel Clare GRAB Kayleigh Excell, Lisa Hocken TAF-OD Huw Pritchard SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT Ceri Morgan MEDIA Aline Ungewiss, Nadia Bonjour HEALTH Liz Stauber JOBS AND MONEY Gill Roberts PROBLEM PAGE Grace De Ville FIVE MINUTE FUN Lara Bell PICTURE EDITORS James Perou, Sarah Day SUB EDITOR Cathal McMahon ONLINE EDITOR Paul Springett PROOF READERS Sarah Murrey, Rachel Greenwood, Kieran Harwood, James Stileman, Aisling Tempany, Jenna Weeks, Bryony Tallack, Andrew Rennison, Ed Vanstone CONTRIBUTORS Abigail Whittaker, Sian Ridden, James Stileman, William Taylor, Tasha Prest-Smith, Corinne Rhoades, Lee Macaulay, Stacey Hughes, Samantha Shillabeer, Vicky Beddow, Victoria Lane, Anneka Buckle, Chris Croissant, Dan Ridler, Yousar Jafar, Lydia Jones, Hollie Clemence, Caroline Blagburn, Richard Williams, John Triddon, Tim Hewish, Rhiannon Doe, Mark Barton, Paul Hayes, Rebecca Isles, Emma Green, Alex Joannedis, Tom Szczebot, Matt Horwood, Vicky Warner, Chris Markall, Peter Evans, Sarah Day, Rob Taylor, Tomos Pritchard, Mark Legge, Adam Gasson, Dean Simmonds, Cemlyn Davies ADDRESS University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN ADVERTISING 02920 781 474 EMAIL gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com WEB www.gairrhydd.com LOCATION 4th Floor Students’ Union

Will Taylor Reporter

STUDENTS are being encouraged to learn the truth about Islam, through a two-week event launched last week.

The annual Islamic Awareness Week (IAW) began last Monday and runs for a fortnight.

Both Muslim and non-Muslim Cardiff students are encouraged to take part.

Some Muslims feel that their religion is unfairly represented in the media, and this week will attempt to change these misconceptions.

Mohsin Malik, president of the Islamic Society said: “We hope that IAW will show people that Islam is not what the mainstream media make it out to be.”

The Islamic Society hopes that the IAW will be a chance for nonMuslims to talk about Islam and ask questions about the religion.

Malik continued: “In the question and answer session on Wednesday we don’t want people to be scared. We want people to feel they can ask us anything.”

“The events so far have been a great success. Around 60 nonMuslims and 90 Muslims turned up to last week’s video screening, which featured a day in the life of a student Muslim.”

The fortnight will close with two more events this Monday and Wednesday at the Wallace Theatre at 6:30, including the questions and answer session.

Questions raised over universities’ procedures for student complaints amid rising lawsuits Corinne Rhoades Reporter

PHOTO: SARAH DAY

At

Something to moan about?

Raising awareness

COMPLAINT: Handling problems?

UNIVERSITIES fail to deal with complaints by the book, a recent study has shown.

Research done at Manchester University of 40 UK universities, showed that poor-quality complaints procedures had brought almost two out of three institutions under threat of legal action.

Over half the institutions surveyed also revealed they had been sued following a complaint.

It is claimed that students would have more confidence in their university’s system if complaints were correctly monitored and recorded.

Although there are guidelines for handling grievances, given by the universities’ standards watchdog, the study showed that these were not good enough.

Professor Neville Harris, who commissioned the research, said the Quality Assurance Agency’s system actually “increased the risk of unfairness occurring.”

He said: “It isn’t necessarily the

university’s fault; it’s more to do with the way the whole thing has developed.”

Many universities were said to have been unsuccessful when developing the guidelines for complaints procedures.

Some even failed to record basic details about the person making the complaint, such as their race or ethnicity.

Complaints from a collection of students were inconsistently logged as single or group cases and reports were rarely completed by the institutions.

To counter this, Professor Harris has formulated three principles of a good complaints system which he encourages universities to develop.

He believes it should allow ‘fair representation’, be ‘independent’ and be ‘seen to be transparent.’

At Cardiff University, a complaints system is in place which attempts to do all of this.

The policy states that formal student complaints are recorded into a central database so that ‘common themes’ may be reviewed and feedback given to those involved.

Students demand answers

Continued from front page

some people were found to have answers on their papers.

“It was only about seven scripts out of the 50 of us taking the exam in the room. The other groups (in other exam rooms) had no problems. They continued the paper. It was just my group who had to stop. We were furious.”

Todd claims that all the students forced to re-sit “sent emails of complaint to course co-ordinator Professor Moxam” immediately after being dismissed from the test.

“This incompetence and negligence is not satisfactory.”

He continued: “What are my tuition fees going towards? This incompetence and negligence is not satisfactory.”

Students are not only enraged that this error failed to be identified prior to the exam, but by the decision taken by examiners to divide the examination into two separate sittings.

Many feel this put those attending the Wednesday session in a beneficial position. This concern was confirmed on the day when some questions were repeated.

Voicing students’ concerns, Health in Society panel representative Charlie Walker said: “The retake had some of

the same questions in, putting those who had already seen the answers in the original paper on Monday at an unfair advantage. Completely new questions should have been written.”

Laura Vines, another undergraduate affected by the mix-up believes the way the situation was handled ‘was unfair, caused unnecessary extra stress’ and was a result of ‘sheer negligence’ on the University’s part.

In response to the blunder, Cardiff University has stated: “The University, in consultation with the student representatives, sought to minimise any disruption.

“Indeed, immediately after the class test, the staff and student representatives met to discuss the issues and steps were taken to resolve a course of action, which was reported to the entire year group.”

Across all subjects, Medicine scored second lowest in overall satisfaction on the National Student Survey 2006 – in which 3rd-year students gave a 3.6 rating with the average across all University Schools at 4.1.

On ‘assessment and feedback’, testing criteria such as ‘assessment arrangements and marking have been fair’, Medicine scored a dismal 2.4 on a sliding scale of 5-1(Definitely disagree – Definitely agree).

Jason O’Neill, President of MedSoc also conveyed his regret at this bureaucratic error: “This is an extremely disappointing incident, especially considering the good progress the medical school has

recently made in solving such administrative problems. Examination quality assurance is essential to encourage confidence in the medical school and it is incidents such as these that destroy that confidence.”

This incident is one in a long catalogue of similar mix-ups which have occurred in the running of exams. Its seriousness as an issue was highlighted at the last Academic Council, held on February 20.

In January 2007, Pharmacy exams were disrupted by the chemical structures of a number of questions not being printed correctly.

A member of the Pharmacy Staff and Student Panel explained: “The problem seemed to be with incompatibilities between different computer softwares.

“It was suggested that in order to prevent this happening again that all exams when submitted for printing from module leaders be done so in a PDF format to avoid any changes occurring.”

Cardiff University said: “All matters regarding the conduct of examinations are reported to the Examining Board when it determines students’ results. Any circumstances are taken into account by the Examining Board when it considers each student’s case.

“If a student believes that disruption to the conduct of an examination had an impact on his/her performance they should submit a letter to the Chair of the Examining Board, detailing the circumstances in full.

Catch the Ball while you can Will Taylor Reporter BALL TICKETS are selling twice as fast as this time last year, gair rhydd can reveal.

A Cardiff Union Ents (CUE) spokesperson said: “Ticket sales are up by over 50% on last year’s sales at this stage.”

The Summer Ball is the biggest event held by CUE, with around 6,000 students in attendance and the line-up is set to be announced in the next few weeks. Students’ Union Vice President Ed Jones said: “We’re very please with the early interest in this year’s ball and the number of tickets sold already.

“It is an extremely risky operation for the Union.

“It is so expensive to put on that it generally makes a loss but it's a great event that means a lot to our students so we invest a lot of money and time in it.”

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Shot of bother Cardiff student is shot after she meets favourite Welsh band Stereophonics Katie Kennedy News Editor A CARDIFF STUDENT was shot in the hand in London last Tuesday evening, after going to a see her favourite band the Stereophonics at a signing.

Rachel Henson, a first year biology student, had been outside HMV on Oxford Street after getting autographs from the band when the incident happened.

She said: “I was stood outside talking to my friend holding a poster I’d just got signed. I heard a really loud bang and suddenly felt a searing pain in my hand.

“I looked down and it was covered in blood. Whatever it was that hit me

had punctured the skin.”

It is not known where the shot came from or who fired it, but there was little reaction from passers-by.

The poster Miss Henson was holding may have slowed down the projectile, as it first pierced through the poster before hitting her hand.

She said: “I was really annoyed, it was a signed Stereophonics poster and it was rolled up so there are now four holes in it.”

Miss Henson went to Heath Park hospital when she returned to Cardiff and expects to fully recover soon.

She said: “I’m really thankful that it wasn’t any worse.”

A spokeswoman for Stereophonics told gair rhydd that they will ensure that Miss Henson gets a new poster.

RACHEL: Glad not to be hurt

Blind drunk Devil dragon Illegal vodka factory in Cardiff closed down as Trading Standards warns it could cause blindness

damned

PHOTO: Sian Owen

James Stileman Reporter

VODKA: Not to be confused with Christoff

THOUSANDS OF LITRES of illegal vodka made in a factory in Cardiff may cause blindness, Trading Standards has revealed.

The vodka was tracked to its source in a Grangetown factory after it was found in a pub in Bridgend.

HM Revenue and Customs uncovered 5,000 bottles of ‘1806 Christoff Pure Vodka’, and investigations at the bottling plant indicated that an unknown quantity had already been distributed.

Consumers have been advised to be vigilant at shops and pubs to avoid the illegal vodka, after members of the public reported it being sold in a Blaenau Gwent shop.

A Cardiff trading standards spokesman said: “It has a high methanol content which is harmful and can cause blindness.”

Steven Hay, a trading standards official, has appealed for anyone in possession of the ‘Christoff Vodka’ to contact Cardiff trading standards in order to aid their investigations.

He said: “The general public and traders across south Wales and beyond should be on the lookout. It is not vodka and it should not be consumed.”

Three Polish men arrested in connection with the investigation have been released without charge.

It is suspected that the total loss for HM Customs would have been in the region of £500,000 had the entirety of the vodka been sold.

Russell needs a Brand new car

BRAND: Is sorry

Abigail Whittaker Reporter EXCITED RUSSELL Brand fans were left disappointed when he postponed his show at St. David’s Hall only minutes before he was due on stage.

The sell-out show on Sunday March 4 was cancelled just 20 minutes before its scheduled start because the comedian’s car broke down.

The Big Brother’s Big Mouth presenter said: “The weather was awful, the traffic abysmal, and the car overheated.”

The venue had hoped the show would go ahead with a late start, but as time passed it became increasingly obvious that this was not going to happen.

Brand said: “If you want a refund, contact the theatre - but we will reschedule the show for the summer, and it’ll be amazing and I’ll perform any penance necessary.”

Clean winners Helen Thompson News Editor

RAAAAA: Scary isn’t it?

Sian Ridden Reporter A CHRISTIAN GROUP has labelled the Welsh flag the ‘sign of Satan’, and have called for it to be replaced by the cross of David.

The Welsh Christian Party says the animal symbolises the devil and is at odds with Wales’ position as a Christian nation.

They are now launching an online petition to replace it with the cross of St David.

The party’s leader Rev George Hargreaves, said: “Wales has been under demonic oppression and under many curses because of this unwise choice.”

But historians and politicians said the symbol of the dragon had a long

tradition in Wales and was a source of pride.

Welsh historian John Davies said: “It’s been part of our tradition for more than 1,500 years, while the flag of St David has a much more specific remit.”

Plaid Cymru AM Janet Ryder stated that although the St David flag is becoming increasingly popular, the Welsh flag is internationally recognisable. She said: “I think the Welsh flag is a symbol that a lot of people are proud of and I think it would take an awful lot to change that.”

Rosie Seymour, a first year Cardiff university student and Welsh citizen, said: “The dragon and those mythological ideas are a big part of Welsh culture.

“It’s insulting to say the dragon is inappropriate.”

CHEERLEADERS HAVE been named the winners of the Chlamydia Club Challenge, with around 15 members checking up on their sexual health during Health Month.

The initiative asked sports club members to attend the free clinics at Park Place Health Centre next to the Union.

An incentive of £200 was on offer to the club who persuaded the most members to get tested for Chlamydia during Health Month, which ended a fortnight ago.

Cheerleading president Natalie Crocker said: “Most of us have had tests before, but I think it’s a really good challenge to keep people checking up on their health. We really need the money for upcoming competitions so we are very pleased we won.”

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Special Report: News begins its election coverage with a look at last year

Past campaign trails gair rhydd takes a look back at the events and faces of previous years’ elections BANNER ADS: Everywhere

QUESTION TIME: Quiz the candidates

ED JONES: Vice Presidency through free spuds

STUDENTS’ UNION: In election week

TOAN RAVENSCROFT: Campaigns and PR Officer 2005/6

Electronic media: the way forward as candidates combat voter apathy William Taylor & Corinne Rhoades Reporters

ONLINE: The way forward?

IN RESPONSE to last year’s low voting turn out, there have been calls to turn to electronic voting in the future, gair rhydd has learned.

By next year Cardiff students may be able to vote in elections through new electronic platforms, such as text and email.

Following the immense success of Facebook as a publicity medium, it has been suggested that next year Cardiff’s Union could introduce online voting.

Union President, Joe Al-Khayat has said: “Electronic voting is probably the best way forward for the future.”

Al-Khayat continued: “However, I think it is best to wait until next year so that we can learn from the mistakes some other Unions have made with

electronic voting.”

Facebook is expected to feature heavily in this year’s Students’ Union (SU) elections as electronic media makes its campaign debut.

For the first time this year, candidates will not only vie for votes in and on the way to lectures, but also within the privacy of students’ homes and halls.

The authorisation of student-friendly electronic media, such as texts, email, websites and Facebook, was hoped to raise awareness of the elections before campaigning even began.

As a result, candidates have long been able to prepare their election approach, largely by recruiting friends to join private and public Facebook groups to aid their campaigns.

Because Facebook officially belongs to the private domain, it

avoids the regulations which restrict campaigning solely to this week.

But SU Vice President and Elections Co-ordinator Ed Jones maintain the use of electronic media will still be “fair”.

If candidates do not have access to the internet they will be provided with a computer in the Students’ Union.

Also, the University’s equal opportunities and anti-bullying policies still apply to this new approach, even though it is classed as a “form of conversation”.

Ed Jones, who instituted the ‘Facebook approach’, was enthusiastic about its involvement.

He said: “Electronic media gives candidates further opportunities to demonstrate important communication skills, and engage with the voters about what matters to them.”

But some potential voters have worries about how well this will work.

Second year student Samantha Huntley said: “This could potentially put people off voting because it’s like an invasion of your private social time.”

Pharmacy student Claire Dustan disagreed.

She said: “I think it’s great for raising awareness of the elections, but I’m not very active within the Union so I still might not vote.”

Even so, a successful and groundbreaking election is still expected by Ed Jones.

He said: “I would hope that this year, we see a record turnout that affirms our elections as one of the most successful in the student movement.”

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r’s voting turnout, new electronic campaigning and elections elsewhere

Last year’s election round-up Who We asked some of last year’s under-represented groups for their opinions on Cardiff’s student elections Under 4% of mature students cast their vote Jason Howells, part-time Advanced Social Work: “As a mature student I don’t feel that I am engaged in general student issues. It seems the elections are more geared towards younger students. If more of the policies affected mature students I would be more encouraged to vote.”

Fewer postgraduate students voted than undergraduates Dan Cooper, PhD Organic Chemistry: “I wouldn’t vote on all positions, only those which I feel would directly affect me. Voting is more relevant to undergraduate students, and postgraduate issues are not focused upon.”

Only 8% of international students voted

Noor Ali, first year Medicine: “I’m not planning to vote because I’m not really informed enough about the elections and don’t really know what’s going on. Even if I did have more knowledge I don’t think the outcome would affect me in any significant way. My guess is that medics are so caught up in trying to pass the year that it seems like anything university related that doesn’t directly help them in that cause is a waste of time.”

Fion Cheng, second year international student: “I didn’t vote last year and don’t plan to this year. The elections don’t really interest me and I know very little about them, perhaps because I don’t visit the Union very often and miss the campaign hype. If I did vote the only position I’d really be interested in would be the Societies and International Officer, but there is currently very little that would convince me to vote.”

of all students

6% of postgraduates

1 in 3 9 midwifery students from the third biggest school in the university

16% of final year students

GRADUATES: Feeling left out

gair rhydd investigates how other universities approach their student elections STUDENTS’ UNION elections are pretty light-hearted.

There are speeches and all that but they are always badly attended.

Then our student newspaper will publish articles about the poor atten-

16%

from the school of English, Communication and Philosophy; the biggest school proportion

HEATH: All work and no voting

In a school of 2724, only 259 medics voted

voted?

dance and why this is.

Mainly it’s being bombarded with flyers and being dragged into the Union on election day to vote.

Robyn McAllister, second year French and Linguistics

Leeds HERE MOST people ignore them to be honest.

They have loads of people not ‘dressed up’ but they wear underpants on their heads.

Then they put up big white

tents and get people with megaphones to shout at you as you walk past.

They scare me and I don’t vote!

Lisa Cookson, second year Geology

Sheffield Hallam

St Andrews

WE JUST HAD our student elections; there wasn’t that much hype.

I did vote but knew little about it, there weren’t any banners or posters to promote campaigns.

All the manifestos were pretty similar and it seemed the president was only voted for out of popularity and attractiveness.

Most of the plans focused only on the main city campus.

I think if there was more of a fuss and celebration more people would vote because they would get to know the candidates better.

Katie, First Year Psychology

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Swan song for Swansea?

PHOTO: Sian Owen

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MOUSSE: Anything in it?

Food for thought Tasha Prest-Smith Reporter

Wales’ second best university could face extinction if millions of pounds cannot be raised for refurbishment Tasha Prest-Smith Reporter THE FUTURE OF Swansea University is hanging in the balance, academics have warned.

Vice-chancellor Richard Davies has confirmed that the future of the University could be unviable unless

urgent action is taken.

The ageing campus is desperate for redevelopment and investment.

Millions of pounds are needed in order to stop the rot and improve its deteriorating condition.

Professor Davies said the current situation could not continue, but added that everything was on hold

until a decision on the future of an important building was decided.

The University needs more space to develop and is currently considering options that include a move to a new base in Llanelli.

Professor Davies said the key to pushing Swansea University forward lay in being able to redevelop

the campus, starting with Fulton House, which houses various offices and the Students’ Union.

University bosses want to tear it down and modernise the site through redevelopment, but because the building is listed they are currently waiting to discover if they can act on their plans.

SWANSEA: Soon to be history?

CARDIFF CONSUMERS have a staggering lack of knowledge when it comes to naming the basic ingredients of popular foods, a new report has found.

The Splenda Ingredient IQ Investigation found 19% of those questioned were unable to explain where garlic comes from and 77% could not name the four basic ingredients of chocolate mousse.

Yet Wales came first out of the UK’s 12 regions, with an average Ingredient IQ score of 92 – above the average of 84.

Jan Walsh, who led the investigation, said: “With more focus than ever on diet, we didn’t anticipate Cardiff would produce such low scores.

“If we cannot manage to cook a simple meal from scratch, how can we be expected to proactively keep healthy with our diet?”

Student slams Painting the Heath treatment town red Katie Kennedy News Editor

A STUDENT has told gair rhydd to claim that she received poor medical treatment at the Heath Park hospital, after her drink was allegedly spiked in the Union.

The third-year Cardiff University student, who would like to be known only as ‘Emma’, claims her drink was spiked last Monday at Fun Factory.

She had been taken to the hospital in an ambulance, and when she regained conscious she claims she heard a nurse saying that her drink had not been spiked, but that she was doing it ‘for attention’.

Emma was told by her partner that her blood sugar level was measured, but no other medical tests were conducted. She claims a medical professional in the hospital only saw her for five or ten minutes.

Emma said: “I only remember coming around in the hospital. I felt totally paralysed, I couldn’t move, but I could hear what she said. I was left without treatment; there were no thorough blood tests, no urine tests.

“I kept hyperventilating and no one even came to help. When I looked at my boyfriend I’d never seen anyone look so scared.

“And then they sent me home: we had no way to get there as I could hardly move, so we had to call my boyfriend’s parents who live in Chepstow to come and pick us up.”

Emma now plans to make an official complaint to the hospital. She said: “I know I wasn’t drunk, over the past few days I’ve been feeling so weak and run down that just walking to University from home has made me tired.”

Emma had started to feel ill at the Union after having a few sips of her drink when she claims she felt suddenly ill, and her boyfriend escorted her home. He then found her in the bathroom where she had collapsed and become unconscious and he called the emergency services.

The ambulance crew assessed her and she was taken to the hospital.

Emma wants to make other Cardiff students aware of the situation and hopes that in future if students find themselves in a similar situation, they

will insist on having medical tests. She said: “Three of my friends have claimed to have had their drinks spiked in the last three years.

“I never thought it’d happen to me.

I want Cardiff students to know it can happen to anyone at anytime, even when you are with your friends and you feel safe.”

The Union is taking the allegation very seriously, and hopes to work with Emma to see if the events of the night can be investigated.

Another third-year Cardiff student, who would prefer to remain anonymous, had a similar experience to Emma at Heath Park hospital last year.

She said: “I suspect my drink to have been spiked last year at a house party.

“After being terribly sick, collapsing and fitting, I was taken to hospital in an ambulance.

“The next day I woke up with no real recollection of what had happened, feeling hazy, achy, but not hung-over. I feel frustrated about what happened and feel I was dismissed as ‘just another drunk student’.”

Similar experience? Email news@gairrhydd.com

RAG to put on a whole host of events for Red Nose Day Corinne Rhoades Reporter CAKES, RED noses and clubbing are on the agenda for Cardiff’s Raising and Giving (RAG) society this week.

RAG, whose action for charity this year has already raised almost £10,000, hopes to see further success with a week of Red Nose Day fundraising events.

The society is to encourage students to donate their change for their largest week of fundraising yet.

Toby Spanton, who oversees RAG’s publicity said: “Red Nose

Day is a really deserving cause as 60 % of the money goes to Africa, while 40 % goes to local causes in the UK.” Members of RAG will be appearing at both Bounce and Access All Areas to stir up enthusiasm and raise money at two of Cardiff’s most popular student nights.

They will dress up for the occasion in red, RAG’s trademark colour, as well as selling cakes in the union on Friday.

Mr Spanton added: “Past events like this have been a huge success, but this year we hope it will be bigger than ever, with even more students getting involved.”

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Castle invasion

PHOTO: Sarah Day

EGG BEATERS, cardboard axes and kitchen spray bottles were the weapons of choice as Flashmobbers caused a stir last Thursday outside Cardiff Castle.

Members of the Cardiff Flashmob society amassed at precisely 5.30pm dressed in assorted ninja outfits, startling the public as they broke out into

a raucous battle.

A Flashmob spokesman said: “There was a really good turn out as our ninjas stormed the Castle.

They’ll be beefing up security after this! We’ll be back again after Easter Time, theme and date to be confirmed – but it promises to be even bigger and better.”

FLASH: Blink and you’ll miss it

Cardiff Uni refuses to sell arms shares Lee Macaulay Reporter ARMS INVESTMENT will continue at Cardiff University after University Council refused to sell shares in arms manufacturers.

Students’ Union executives were mandated by Student Council to call on the University to sever their links with the arms trade.

However, last Wednesdays University Council, the executive body of Cardiff University, could not be swayed by the Students' Union President Joe Al-Khayat to follow a policy of ethical investment.

The University owns shares in BAE systems, one of the largest European defence companies, and Smiths Group, an aircraft manufacturer for the US and UK military.

Mr Al-Khayat said: “It was important that as a Union we made clear to the University what our position was on its investments in arms.

“However, as a whole, the group (University Council) disagreed with the views of our students and revealed that if the University were to pursue such a policy it would be difficult to establish what was and was not to constitute ethical practice.”

Students willing to lie to get into university THOUSANDS of students applying to university are plagiarising anecdotes from the Internet to put in their personal statements, the University and Colleges Admission Service (UCAS) has found.

Dramatic childhood incidents involving chemistry sets and burnt pyjamas were cited in 234 statements as the starting point in an interest in chemistry, while 370 potential doc-

tors were keen to assert their ‘fascination for how the human body works’.

The statements give applicants the chance to express their personal achievements, experience and interests to make them stand out from the crowd.

UCAS’s examination of 50,000 personal statements revealed that five percent of prospective university students copy stories and expressions in the hope of impressing admissions tutors.

Cardiff rips it out of the galaxy Abigail Whittaker Reporter A REMARKABLE image of one galaxy being ripped apart by a cluster of other galaxies has been obtained by a Cardiff astronomer.

An international team, led by Dr Luca Cortese of the School of Physics and Astronomy, observed an odd-looking galaxy in the Abell 2667 cluster, some 3.2 billion lightyears from Earth.

Using the Hubble Space Telescope, Cortese viewed the galaxy plough through the cluster after accelerating to over 3.5 million km/h.

Enormous forces from surrounding galaxies, dark matter and gas

plasma at extremely high temperatures are responsible for the galaxy being torn apart.

When the universe was half its present age only one in five galaxies was a gas-poor galaxy (which have little new star formation), whereas today there are a large number of these.

Scientists believe that this is the result of a transformation taking place over billions of years; the new observations provide one of the best examples to date of this metamorphosis.

Dr Cortese said: “We have been able to shed some light on the evolutionary history of galaxies. The new image shows an environment where galaxies are slowly sculpted by violent interactions with their surrounding cluster.”

PHOTO: Matt Horwood

Joanna Dingle News Editor

DOGFIELD STREET: Close to the scene of the crime

Degree: gone in 60 seconds University of Wales College student’s degree in peril after a thief steals not only his car but some significant course documents Abigail Whittaker Reporter A STUDENT’S graduation is in jeopardy following the theft of his car, which contained important files vital to his final assessment.

Luke Mansfield, a 21-year-old student teacher living in Dogfield Street, Cathays, parked his blue Vauxhall Astra nearby in Robert Street on the afternoon of Sunday March 4.

He woke the following morning to find his car missing, together with the schoolbooks and files that were left on the back seat.

His pupils’ mathematics books were found disregarded in a nearby lane, damp and ruined, but three vital files are still missing.

Mansfield, who is studying at the University of Wales College, Newport was left devastated that his hard work had been lost.

He said: “There is a lot of work in

those files. I don’t know how I’m going to catch up.”

The consequences of failing to present the files at his final assessment are unknown at present.

Anyone who may come across the files is asked to hand them in to the nearest police station.

South Wales police continue to investigate the theft.

If you have any information, contact the police on 029 2022 2111.

8 gairrhydd

WORLD NEWS World News in brief

MARCH.12.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

Seizing snakes on a plane

Victoria Lane Reporter

2,400 snakes worth £35,400 almost smuggled onto a plane to Hong Kong Vicky Beddow Reporter THOUSANDS of rare ‘rat’ snakes were discovered stashed in crates bound for a flight to Hong Kong last Tuesday.

Workers handling cargo in an airport complex at Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, became suspicious on hearing ‘hissing’ and ‘slithering’ sounds, reported The Times.

After alerting wildlife officials a raid found 85 crates filled with snakes tied up in blue plastic sacks.

The 2,400 snakes that were found are estimated to be worth £35,400.

Hasnan Yusop, State Wildlife and National Parks Director, claimed the department received a tip-off on Tuesday at 2am, and their team arrived at the complex about 15 minutes later.

He said: “It was the biggest seizure

Opera tubes OPERA MUSIC is to be used in Vienna’s underground network in an attempt to drive out drug addicts and alcoholics.

Despite police crack downs they have refused to move from the city’s main station, Karlsplatz.

Classical music will be played to force the troublemakers on.

Local councillor Ursula Stenzel explained: “These sort of people are not known for their love of opera and classical music, and we believe they will not hang around.”

LOTS: of snakes

Trance to Morocco FAMOUS ILLUSIONIST Derren Brown put a Roehampton University student into a trance and then woke him up in Morocco.

Richard Critchlow, 21, was wheeled through passport control in a wheelchair and later found himself in a Marrakech market after sleeping for 13 hours.

The student will appear on Brown’s new show Trick or Treat on Channel 4 next month.

Not funny A GERMAN CLOWN has been charged for assaulting a 12year-old boy after he threw confetti at him in a circus where there were ‘no litter’ signs.

The clown, 47, kicked punched and swore at the schoolboy even after the youngster curled up in a ball to protect himself.

Kaspar the clown claims he was merely defending himself but if convicted could be jailed for six months.

of snakes so far this year but no arrest was made”.

The rare species is protected under local and international wildlife treaties and are highly sought after in some countries.

Used for export, their meat and skin are prized delicacies in Malaysia.

Snakes of such species can legally be traded with the approval from state wildlife officials for export purposes.

The snakes found on Tuesday, however, did not have the correct documents.

Those found guilty are at risk to a three month prison sentence.

On discovering the crates, all snakes were found alive. Authorities are currently tracking down suspects in the attempted smuggling and say that the snakes will either be released at the country's national parks or sold to people with licenses.

China bans Little new internet Neighbours cafes Samantha Shillabeer Reporter THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT will ban the opening of new internet cafes in an attempt to protect young people from the dangerous influence of the internet, claims the state media.

But freedom-of-expression organisations have hit out at the plans, claiming they are an attempt by the Communist government to regulate the spread of politically sensitive information.

China has one of the world’s fastest growing online markets with 137 million users.

In two years it is expected to overtake the US as the biggest online population on the planet.

Authorities are increasingly worried about the harmful effects of the web after a recent survey found that teenagers are becoming addicted to the internet at a younger age than in any other country.

Over 13% of users under the age of 18 were online for over 38 hours a week - the definition of addiction.

China has at least 113,000 cybercafés, which have been blamed for school delinquency, teenage crime and adolescent suicide.

Yu Wen, the National People’s Congress deputy, claimed: “It is common to see students from primary and

middle schools lingering in internet bars overnight, puffing on cigarettes and engrossed in online games.”

In January, President Hu Jintao instructed Chinese internet regulators to encourage a ‘healthy online culture’ to protect social order.

But international free speech campaigners claim the new regulations are aimed at restricting access to information about Tibet, Taiwan and websites that expose China’s human rights abuses.

“There is something more behind this,” claimed Julien Pain of Reporters Without Borders.

“When the authorities try to justify their internet policy, they always use the excuse of protecting children. But in China, this is not the whole story.

They also block news websites.”

He said the new regulations appeared to be another step in a prolonged crackdown against small, independent cybercafés, which are harder to control than large chains.

“At the big chains, the government can insist that IDs be shown for all users, certain words be blocked and monitoring software be installed,” Pain said.

“But when you are looking at thousands of small cybercafés, it becomes much more difficult.”

Since 2002, the government has shut down thousands of independent internet cafes.

KERFUFFLE FREE: in Ramsay Street

Stacey Hughes Reporter RAMSAY STREET is to be invaded by the British, as Matt Lucas and David Walliams make an appearance in the Australian soap Neighbours.

The Little Britain stars have already filmed their cameos and the result will be televised in Australia in just three months.

UK fans will have to wait a bit longer, as the appearance is not due on our screens for another six months.

The Neighbours website

revealed: “The cast and crew were delighted to welcome Matt, David and the documentary team that are recording their experience on tour Down Under.

“We are pleased to report that the whole experience was relatively kerfuffle free.”

The scenes Matt and David are involved in will feature the duo in the Scarlett Bar with characters Steph and Toadie, but no other details have yet been disclosed.

Matt and David won an online poll on the Neighbours website, proving their popularity with viewers.

gairrhydd

EDITORIAL & OPINION

MARCH.12.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

freewords the voice of gairrhydd

Est. 1972

In need of medical attention THE FACT THAT the medical school has, once again, made a huge slip-up in teaching and assessment is a disgrace compared to the high standards the University as a whole. Of course every school makes its mistakes, but the medical school's track record is nothing to be proud of.

Due to the fiasco last Monday, it meant that some of the students who were handed the questions' answers had an unfair advantage over the others. How can this have been allowed to happen?

The results of last year's national student survey showed the medical school scored poorly in many aspects, but had a particularly low score in assessment and feedback. These mistakes have obviously not been rectified. Two years ago, after concerns that the medical school was failing it's students, gair rhydd launched an 'inject the funds' campaign. In light of this new development, maybe it is time to relaunch it.

This week, second year students lost faith in the capability and the prestige of their course, and the University should have officially apologised to their students, and promised that this will not happen again. But they did not.

When top-up-fees are introduced in Wales in the next academic year, students will expect value for money more than ever before. The medical school needs to get up to scratch, and fast, before new, all-paying, alldemanding students arrive in the autumn, expecting to get their money’s worth.

The campaigns begin RIDICULOUS COSTUMES, annoying songs, strangers talking to you and litter all over Cathays: elections are once again upon us.

But this year is a little different: the Union has more candidates running than ever before and electronic media is no longer out-of-bounds for those wanting to get your vote.

We can only hope that the use of the internet will up the voting figures even more this year. And as much as you might sigh that you've been asked to join yet another Facebook group for someone's campaign, remind yourself that other universities don't address their elections like Cardiff students do. In other universities elections are sober affairs: they don’t excite or motivate students to participate in the democratic structures of their Union.

Their executives are made up of people who were elected by just a thin slither of the student population.

These people often have little or no weight behind them because they can’t claim to be representative of the entire student body. Their universities often do not take them seriously.

This is not the case in Cardiff: last year a massive 16% of all students voted. And because of that the university and other bodies have to take us seriously and recognise the issues that we confront them with.

9

The end of an era As the new Wembley stadium crawls towards completion, Adam Millward looks at what Cardiff can expect once major sporting events no longer grace the Millennium Stadium

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o matter what your position on football, I can probably guarantee one thing - it won’t be on the fence.

Which is why the (supposedly imminent) reopening of Wembley Stadium - which signals the end of the big football finals and, to be accurate, a wide array of other prestigious sporting events at the Millennium Stadium - is doubtless to spark some fiery opinions across the Cardiff populace.

Football is one of those Marmite aspects of life. I know very few people who don’t either love it or hate it.

Though I consider myself to be one of the exceptions.

Personally, I’m more than happy to watch Match of the Day at the weekend, cheering at quality goals and swearing at the ref’s decisions along with the rest of my housemates. And there are usually daily bouts of Pro Evolution Soccer in our living room.

Having said all this, I am sometimes left to feel my passion for the ‘beautiful game’ is lacking.

Because I can’t reel off the names of every Man United player going back to the 1960s and I couldn’t tell you which two teams reached the final of the 1978 FA Cup. (Though I do know that the mascot at FIFA World Cup 2006 was a talking lion and football duo called Goleo VI and Pille, because I remember thinking at the time - what the hell?)

Football is one of those Marmite aspects of life. I know very few people who don’t either love it or hate it But getting back to the point, I am divided in my feelings when it comes to the end of this six-year Wembleyless sporting era. Since the Millennium Stadium was called to be Wembley’s substitute in 2001, there have been numerous controversies.

Containment of hooligans and generally keeping the peace are not new when it comes to dealing with major sporting events, and have been a laborious and expensive responsibility that I doubt Cardiff Council and South Wales Police will miss.

On the other hand, it is well known that the media’s portrayal and the public perception of troublemakers is often much more sinister than reality.

Also, it is not as if authorities will be

able to rest on their laurels in such an active city - with rugby and Cardiff City fans to keep an eye on.

Another concern that has often been expressed is voiced by Malcolm Clarke, the chair of the Football Supporters’ Federation (FSF): “Cardiff … can be very difficult to reach either by road or public transport in a day from England.”

A very valid point you might think thus no need for any regrets that the spotlight is returning to more central, accessible London. However, despite Clarke’s criticism, he does go on to say: “Most supporters who’ve visited Cardiff … have really enjoyed the experience and the hospitality.”

And I am certain (if Mr Clarke does not mind me adding one more quality to his list) the supporters have really enjoyed the value for money.

With the average pint of ale costing £2.24 in London compared to £1.96 in Wales, according to WhatPrice.co.uk, it doesn’t take a genius to work out the sums. What’s more, London, probably due to its scale and sprawling nature, is renowned for its lack of welcome and friendliness, which smaller, more centralised Cardiff is so often praised for.

It is also important to realise that the switching of many major events from the Welsh capital to the UK’s does not only have serious ramifications for fans and residents of these cities, but

also for business.

Estimates suggest that Cardiff’s 350,000 population can burgeon to over 465,000 at the biggest sporting weekends.

This brings considerable income into the city in many areas. Whether it’s the hundreds of hotels and bed and breakfasts which usually raise their tariffs for these occasions, the bars and restaurants, or, arguably, the city’s leisure facilities and attractions in general.

London is renowned for its lack of welcome and friendliness, which Cardiff is so often praised for Although there is no official data pinning down the time periods sport fans stay in Cardiff - if they come alone or with families and friends, or if they return to Cardiff at a later date for a non-sport related break - it is inevitable that being the UK’s top sport host is an excellent way to show off what the city has to offer for all occasions.

As London-based football fan, James Crossley says: “I’ve been to

Cardiff numerous times for matches over the last few years ... [and found] excellent hospitality … A superb stadium in a cracker of a city - I’d never been to Cardiff before visiting to watch football. It’s now one of my favourite cities in the UK!” As a result, there’s understandable apprehension that in the near future, Cardiff’s tourism is bound to take a downward turn, threatening the local economy, jobs and the lively, contemporary spirit for which the city is internationally famed.

So, after all this rambling, it’s time to climb down from that figurative fence and make a decision. Is the return of Wembley Stadium a threat to Cardiff?

When push comes to shove, I don’t believe it is. The Millennium Stadium is not a one-trick pony; it will adapt, it will still attract massive crowds, whether it’s for sport, music or other rallies, and it will still be much-loved by the people of Cardiff and beyond.

I think we can safely say that the Millennium Stadium is not destined to the same fate as the Millennium Dome.

And let’s not forget, with Wembley still not officially complete and May 19 (FA Cup Final day) fast approaching, Cardiff might be holding on to its hosting duties a little longer than we thought.

The gair rhydd editors’ blog

http://freewords.gairrhydd.com

10 gairrhydd

EDITORIAL & OPINION

OPINION@gairrhydd.COM ILLUSTRATION: KIERAN EVANS

Conspiracy dreary

MARCH.12.2007

A royal family mafia, MI6 assassination plots, faked evidence, a driver with a deathwish: will the conspiracies over the death of Princess Diana ever end? Lucie Apampa hopes so

D

iana, Diana, Diana. Has a single day gone by since her tragic death that some new secret or ‘conspiracy’ hasn’t been revealed by one or another interested party? It certainly doesn’t feel like it. And the fact that most of these ‘revelations’ are divulged by a money-grabbing, ‘devoted’ former butler to Diana in yet another potential bestseller definitely doesn’t incline me to care.

Yes, Diana was a national treasure.

She did great things (divorcing Charles is a prime example; she was way out of his league), she had problems and she really cared. I don’t dispute any of this, but does that really warrant the blanket coverage of her death that seemed to go on for a good year after the Paris car crash? Isn’t anyone else just a little bit bored?

Less dull than most of the Diana coverage to be found in The Sun (and other such quality publications) are those crazy conspiracies about who was really to blame for the deaths of Diana and Dodi: the Queen, the Spencers, the Pope – no one goes unaccused. But like I said, these are crazy conspiracies. Just like Bob Marley and Elvis aren’t secretly alive smoking a giant spliff on some undiscovered island, Diana was not killed in an elaborately planned ‘accident’.

The accidental status of Diana’s death, as concluded by seemingly endless inquests, is not, however, enough

for many people, as is made evident if you type in ‘Diana conspiracies’ to Google (1,270,000 results!).

Fortunately for the sake of taxpayers’ money and Princes Harry and William, most of these conspiracy theorists do not possess the power or money to affect the procedures investigating Diana’s death. One dodgy Egyptian in possession of Harrods and a disputed British citizenship does, however, possess such useful tools.

The Queen, the Spencers, the Pope - no one goes unaccused Mohammed Al Fayed (famed for bribing Tories and owning the Ritz among other things) has recently been successful in ensuring a jury hears the latest inquest into the deaths of his son and the Princess of Wales. He rejects former rulings that found the deaths to be purely accidental and is hell-bent on the theory that a giant cover-up by British agents of the state is responsible for the former conclusions that have found no wrongdoing in these deaths. Top of Al Fayed’s conspiracy list are Princes Charles and Philip, hardly known for their brains, but apparently in possession of the power to order assassinations of deviant royals. Hmm…

A bit of a laugh or The Joker’s deadly legacy? Anneka Buckle looks at the danger behind the big new hit for students: laughing gas

I

n a crowded club, perched by the bar, I was handed a balloon. It was a brightly coloured balloon, that in one minute would send me into a euphoric state of uncontrollable laughter. And after a few, this sounded a lot of fun. The instructions were to crouch down on the floor, breathe in and out really deeply for a minute, and then stand up. So with my friends eagerly gazing at me in anticipation, I did as I was told. What happened next was, quite simply, brilliant.

While inhaling the balloon, I was overcome with a calm, relaxed feeling that made my lips, cheeks and gums

feel numb and fuzzy. Next came the laughter, and I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard in my life. Suddenly there were people coming up to me asking, “What’s so funny?” and I couldn’t ever answer them without bursting into hysteria. I was hooked, and after the one-minute giggle rush was up, I did it another three times that night because to me it was amazing, and in my mind it was saving me money on drinks at only two pounds a go.

While I compare this feeling to a euphoric fit of giggles, the reality is that laughing gas has already claimed its first victim with the death of 23-

It may not be all that believable – and this is hardly helped by the inquest coroner’s claims that there is absolutely no evidence to support Al Fayed’s theories – but you’ve got to admit that it’s pretty entertaining. Everyone likes a good conspiracy theory, and it certainly beats the more typical affair claims that normally surround Diana controversies. But no matter how interesting these seemingly outrageous claims are, do they really justify the spending of even more taxpayers’ money on keeping a jury out of work and in a hotel?

Supporters of the new inquest reason that it would be a disgrace to Diana’s memory not to take all possible efforts to find out how and why she died. Well, how do these people define ‘all possible efforts’? One inquest would be enough for most corpses!

Diana was, and remains, so loved because of all the work she did to help those less fortunate than her; perhaps a more fitting tribute would be to continue along that particular path. Just imagine the number of small mouths that the money spent on inquest after inquest could feed. With that kind of investment we could see and appreciate the results, but does anyone really expect the inclusion of a jury to lead to the downfall of the monarchy and elements of the British secret service, all exposed for their roles in the death of a Princess? I think not.

If certain members of the Royal year-old Daniel Watts, whose body was found at his home next to a large cylinder of nitrous oxide. It seems that laughing gas is quite literally no laughing matter, as the rush I just so enthusiastically described is in fact caused by starving the brain of oxygen, which can cause the user to collapse and injure themselves.

The reality is that laughing gas has already claimed its first victim An inquest in January was told that the victim of this seemingly harmless gas had asphyxiated himself by excessive inhalation of the drug, which is known as ‘hippie crack’ for its psychological addictiveness and for the euphoria it induces. Although the gas is not toxic, excessive inhalation can cause a lack of oxygen in the brain.

More alarmingly, the long-term dangers to the health of anyone who regularly uses laughing gas include bone marrow suppression, blood cell prob-

family really do have the inclination and power to have people killed and they haven’t been discovered yet, then what is there to suppose that this inquest will reveal any more information than the last one? Al Fayed’s money and influence, I expect, is the answer. Let’s just wait and see if any members of the jury go missing; then it might be worth considering Al Fayed’s accusations.

You’ve got to admit it’s entertaining.

Everyone likes a conspiracy theory By accusing Prince Charles and Prince Andrew of ordering Diana’s assassination, Al Fayed compliments them with more power than any British lems and even poisoning of the central nervous system. Martin Barnes, chief executive of drug charity DrugScope, said that inhaling gas directly from canisters was extremely dangerous because it can freeze the throat and lungs.

Drugs regulators have recently said that anyone supplying laughing gas for recreational inhalation is complicit in an activity that carries serious health risks, and will be prosecuted. Councils that find venues to be in breach of this warning will now have the opportunity to report them to the Medicine and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency (MHRA), and potentially prosecute them.

The law on the sale and use of the substance appears to be slightly ambiguous – although its sale is controlled by legislation, it is not an illegal drug. According to MHRA, it is illegal to sell nitrous oxide to people who intend to inhale it as a recreational drug. Nightclubs have been warned that they could be prosecuted for selling nitrous oxide, better known as laughing gas, to customers. Clubs in Wales have supplied the recreational

royal family has had for centuries.

Think about it – what do the Royals actually do? They live in nice palaces funded by the public whom they pay back (unevenly) with occasional royal visits and charity work. They give out meaningless titles and acronyms to pretty much any A-lister who has done a bit of charity work, and when they die, they flood the television with the streaming of endless funeral processions.

The monarchy handed over all real power to the government years ago, so what’s to suppose that they could order murder now? Perhaps there’s an even bigger conspiracy at hand, or perhaps there was a tragic accident where a car being pursued by ruthless paparazzi (read: assassins) crashed, and killed its non-seatbelt wearing passengers.

Lesson of the day: wear a seatbelt.

hit: Matisse in Haverfordwest and The Point in Cardiff Bay both admitted gas 'shots' had been sold on the premises, but both emphasised that they have since banned it.

Excessive inhalation can cause a lack of oxygen in the brain With threats of a two-year jail sentence to club owners supplying the gas, it is now expected that the majority of venues, once they get this warning, will take steps to immediately withdraw this gas from public consumption. The small number who may not be warned, however, not only risk being prosecuted by local authorities but also risk the health and long-term well-being of the public. Admittedly, I have fond memories of the night I first had a balloon, but it seems the bad outweighs the good in this case. And for the students who sport numerous cylinders of the stuff at regular house parties: after reading the hidden facts of laughing gas, perhaps tequila shots are a safer bet after all.

gairrhydd

11

EDITORIAL & OPINION

MARCH.12.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

The price of progress Chris Croissant looks at the economic growth of India and questions whether the accelerating development of the world’s largest democracy is widening the divide between rich and poor o longer just the land of magic and mystery, India is on its way to becoming one of the great global economic powers. The slumbering elephant has been roused and is developing into one of the great tiger economies of south Asia, roaring onto the world stage.

But at what cost is this progress being achieved? The standard of living for the poor is certainly not in line with the rate of development. There are also strong claims for the environmental impact that the rapid industrialisation is causing. Alongside this growth is the westernisation of Indian tradition and spirituality. Is this a step in the right direction, or has India succumbed to the domino effect of capitalism’s great engines?

It is hard to imagine a roaring economy in a country where more than 300 million people live on less than a dollar a day. Of course, this is the India that we are familiar with. The India of poverty and disease. When I went to India, I came from Nepal and my first stop was Varanasi. I don’t think I’ve ever been so alarmed. Cows stand in the middle of the road and squeeze up littered alleyways. Beggars with no

N

arms plead for money and swarms of black flies are kicked up at every step you make. The poverty of their lives is staggering. Yet the more time you spend there, the more endearing you find their humility, and as you watch men and women bathing in the Ganges at dawn, the more you feel that you don’t want this place to change. But India is changing, and rapidly.

Over the past 15 years, India has been the second fastest growing country in the world - after China - averaging above six percent growth per year.

It is hard to imagine a roaring economy in a country where more than 300 million people live on less than a dollar a day Growth accelerated to 7.5 percent last year and will probably hold at the same pace this year. Many observers believe that India could well expand at this higher rate for the next decade.

India is diverging from its past, but

INDIA: Capitalism’s latest conquest? also from most other countries in Asia.

It is not a quiet, controlled, quasiauthoritarian country that is slowly opening up according to plans. It is a noisy democracy that has finally empowered its people economically.

One of the world's poorest countries, it has sustained democratic government for almost 60 years. And this is surely one of the country's greatest strengths when compared with many other developing countries. However, India is known to be riddled with corruption. Nearly a fifth of the members

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of the Indian Parliament have been accused of crimes, including embezzlement, rape and murder. Corruption has long been regarded as a limiting factor on India’s potential growth.

India's booming economy may have raised the standard of living for the 300 million strong middle-class. But the vast proportion of the country's poor are grappling with the inflation that has accompanied the boom.

Consider a few more statistics: 45% of Indian children under the age of five are malnourished. Less than a third of India's homes have a toilet. Less than half of its 500,000 villages are connected to the electricity grid. The poor have long been the downtrodden and neglected in Indian society. As it rises as one of the greatest global economies as a democratic nation, questions must be raised as to whether this growth is improving the lives of all its members or just a select few.

Questions must be raised as to whether India’s growth is improving the lives of all its members or just a select few Reassuringly, changes are being made. The Indian government has recently launched a bold, multi-million dollar scheme to tackle rural poverty. It guarantees 100 days work a year for every rural household. It is manual work at the minimum wage, but it does ensure income. It is hoped that, for the first time, a law that is a people's law has been passed. It relates to 60% of India's population who live either with the constant fear of unemployment on the edge of poverty or with unemployment as a continuing process.

However, there are critics who doubt the program, with corruption and bad

governance at the heart of the problem.

Rajiv Gandhi’s popular phrase “only 15% reaches the poor” comes to most Indians minds.

India is notoriously chaotic and unorganised, yet it seems to work. Any outsider may be terrified by the Indian Highway Code but there is certainly a degree of order. Life just bustles along.

Some, like me, may wish for India to stay the same: simple, unconquerable and romantic. But of course this is purely selfish. The only way for India to grow and improve the lives of the millions of poor is through economic growth and industrialisation. Despite the environmental damage that this will cause, it is implausible to hamper this growth by implementing greener policies. The West may have hindsight to draw upon, but it was this very neglect for the environment that western industrial policy had that allowed for such rapid expansion of the economy.

The West is already having a strong influence in Indian culture. The rise in consumerism and the explosion of television is turning India into a westernised nation. There are strong concerns for the loss of Indian traditions and religions as materialism becomes the new order of the day. As young adolescent men walk around in their Calvin Klein t-shirts and smoke their Marlboro cigarettes, one cannot help but wonder if something is being lost.

The real test will be to see if India’s social fabric can stand the strain of globalisation.

As the importance of the individual rises there will be winners, but certainly more losers. Inequalities that previously existed in the hierarchy of the caste system may grow further apart yet they may be brought closer together. If India is to take anything from Western hegemony, it should be the promotion of equality in society instead of whether or not your trainers are Nike or Reebok.

gairrhydd 13 MARCH.12.2007

OPINION

RIDLER@gairrhydd.COM

? ? The Ridler

?

? ??

Stating the truth?

As more and more people are pulled up for falsifying university applications, our columnist looks at the personal statement and suggests the system is lacking hy, oh why, would you plagiarise your personal statement? According to The Times, five percent of people do. And most of them, unsurprisingly, get caught.

People plagiarise essays, and in it’s own way that’s understandable.

Desperation, that last minute realisation that you’ve been too paraletic for the last, not really knowing what the hell you’re writing about, so up comes the website, cut-copy-paste and you’re done. You’ll probably get caught and fail anyway, but the initial feeling that made an essentially intelligent person act like that is understandable.

With personal statements, it seems not quite as easy to rationalise. If you honestly can’t write a short biography of yourself, then maybe a brief rethink about whether university education is really the way forward would help. I

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mean come on, a little bit about you, what exactly it is that made you want to do surf studies, or golf course management, whatever. How hard can it be?

However, the fact that people are acting with a level of astuteness that underwhelms their A-level results is reflective of some bright spark’s desperation at trying to find a way around that devil in the detail of university applications: the personal statement.

The truth underlying this is that personal statements just aren’t a reasonable way to select university applicants.

These students who were foolish, desperate or drunk enough to plagiarise their personal statements are one thing. They get caught. The brighter spark’s however, get help in a more individualistic and inventive fashion.

They ask their teachers, copy their

friends or get the assistance of their colleagues to write their personal statements.

So where’s the foul in that? Well to start with, it means that the students selecting places are those with access to the best support, and not the brightest. It doesn’t matter how bright you are if you wrote your personal statement with no help then you’re just simply never going to be as strong as a candidate who has had it checked, proofread and revamped by an academic professional who does this sort of thing year in , year out.

Now this leads, in all likelihood, to a bias towards private schools and those fortunate enough to have a grammar school education or good comprehensive schools. It doesn’t seem at all fair that those whose friends are not going to university or who are not fortunate enough to get

MICKELODEON

And I don t even mention People and Planet once ’ve been out of the country for a while now, and I can’t help but suspect that the Daily Mail’s crusade against the crumbling social fabric of this country might not be that far off the mark.

Example one: In Canada, it’s considered standard practice to keep your clothes on if it gets hot on trains. Not true for the bloke on the 1532 to Paddington service from Ealing Broadway this morning, who saw fit to stand in complete NAKEDNESS (aside from his socks) for a while, before finally putting some boxers on, playing with his moobs and rubbing lotion onto himself.

I

Far worse, the following happened to a work colleague of my sister a few weeks ago (which, incidentally, she failed to see as nothing more than an ‘amusing incident’.) After enjoying the Physical Act Of Love, her boyfriend rolled over and said ‘right then, I’ll turn the webcam off’. First she’d ever heard of it. True story.

Marginally better, but not happening to me and so therefore less interesting: my sister was in a cinema (admittedly in Essex, but that’s not the point), while a couple down the row had sex.

Now, I’m not saying that Canadians were paragons of virtue.

One of them threw a cat at me because I refused to split the profits on her drunk vomit. But it’s easy to understate how mental this country can be at times, and not in the good way.

I’m not entirely sure what my point is (if that’s not become clear by now then you’re evidently not focusing on the words). But for the love of God, stop drinking so much and start being normal before we all go to hell in a handbasket.

Now abuse some immigrants, bloody well sit up straight, and if you’re a woman, stand around in some M&S underwear for a bit. This country’s not going to fix itself.

this support should find themselves disadvantaged.

On top of all of this you have the issue of competences with regards to the course. Why, precisely, should a physics Masters applicant be a particularly persuasive writer? Finding it difficult to place your enthusiasm in words that ring true doesn’t mean you’re not enthusiastic about the subject that you’re applying for.

It also works the other way around; why should you be gifted a place on a maths course because you happen to be a more talented writer than you’re competitors. The competency being measured doesn’t correspond to anything that actually matters for the task you are applying for.

I wasn’t desperately taken by the history BA course I came here to study and changed after my first year, but my personal statement was obviously

good enough. Why my academic future should rest on my creative writing skills is quite beyond me, unless of course I were applying for a creative writing course.

Undoubtedly the response will be that they need some way to differentiate between candidates, but the personal statement is just not the way forward. Individual module scores, interviews, extra entrance exams; any of these could be used, and all have disadvantages too. Ultimately however, the personal statement is causing supposedly bright and promising young students to panic and cheat.

It’s about time academics, admissions tutors and VCs opened their eyes to the fact that personal statements are a joke. There may not be a perfect system to institute in place of the personal statement, but there must be one that is fairer and more equal than this.

LEVY: WHAT A MUPPET

Lord Levy, under-fire Labour stooge and Middle East adviser, has been described as many things and I doubt that ‘muppet’ is among the worst. I did notice, however, in my search for things that Lord Levy looks like that there is more than a passing resemblance to the furry stuffed toy Statler. Coincidence or conspiracy, I hear you cry. I couldn’t say (for legal reasons).

SOLUS, STUDENTS’ UNION

gairrhydd

15

LETTERS

MARCH.12.2007 LETTERS@gairrhydd.COM

letters@gairrhydd.com website special Since gair rhydd reported that Muslim students were disatisfied at the prayer room provision of Cardiff University, gairrhydd.com has been alive with debate. Our message board monkey gives a brief overview of what’s been going on.

The leading headline from the gair rhydd last week regarding Muslim prayer rooms received a great deal of attention when it appeared on our updated website.

The story reported on calls from Muslim students for better, more convenient prayer facilities.

At the time of writing, the number of posts on the forum discussing the article is nearing 100, with a wide range of opinions being aired.

Among those contributing to the discussion were members of the University’s Islamic Society, political activists, former gair rhydd colum-

A couple of comments from the discussion “Most students will go to their pub crawls, and utilise university facilities to get drunk.Muslim students would like to use university facilities/rooms to pray.It’s not such a big thing to request.”

“My flat is twenty minutes away, and I don’t expect the University to provide me with facilities to do

nists and members of the Union sabbatical team.

The arguments ranged from the details of those facilities and regulations in place, to the position of Islam and all religion within higher education.

The message board was also graced by some controversial perspectives, including some impudent atheism and conservative Islam.

As it stands, no significant agreement has been reached by those repeat offenders who are continuing their forum war.

The only clear point to have things, in my own time, that are personal to me, just because it’d be more convenient.”

“Muslims have to pray five times a day, this is part of our faith. It is difficult for us to go to a mosque half an hour away. By the time we are finished praying, we will have missed lunch. Its much easier for us to pray on campus. Other universities can provide this, why can’t Cardiff, all we were doing

emerged from the debate is that the majority of those who have a strong opinion on this issue are also unwilling to consider the opinions of others.

The lust for opposition and offence shown by some of the contributors has been mildly disturbing, and one has to wonder whether these 100-odd posts are a representative sample for the degrees of gross intolerance and inherent prejudice in the Cardiff student community.

If they are, then the higher institutional goals of social cohesion, cultural acceptance and democratic dialogue across campus seem a world away. was airing our views.”

“You have a “decent place to pray” – the local mosques (see my previous comment above). And as for “it’s not going to harm you” – perhaps not, but it would mean unfairly denying use of an existing room to someone else just so it’s more convenient for Muslims to use their personal time in a way personal to them, or building a new facility using money that

would be better spent on tuition – which is, if you recall, the reason that we’re here.”

such a room as a ‘Muslim only’ room. The idea of a quiet room is much better.”

“Wouldn’t having a room in the Students’ Union in which nonMuslims aren’t allowed to go contravene the Equal Opportunities Policy?”

“I don’t see why international politics gets brought into this.”

“I can accept the Union wanting to provide facilities for Muslim prayer – but I think it divisive to label

“Having a non-sectarian, but bookable, “quiet room” as is suggested above, and possibly scheduling next year’s lectures differently is far simpler.”

I’ve got your fancy cheese

Breakfast at Kimberley’s

I miss Mickel - I hate People & Planet. They can smoke my big one.

Fairtrade spend too much time paying wages, not enough time making a fine orange juice

Socialist Workers and Socialist Students: are they the same? (totally lame) One of my girl friends is stalking Dave Menon. She’s got nightvision

Minis rock the casbah Official: Steggles hangs off my one-eyed trouser snake at Pro Evo ps Essex sucks

text: 07791165837

Want to join the debate? Visit www.gairrhydd.com

visit www.thereddragoncentre.co.uk

The Red Dragon Centre, Cardiff Bay, Hemingway Road CF10 4JY Tel: 02920 256261

16 gairrhydd MARCH.12.2007

FEATURES

FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

fairtrade Cardiff: the first Fairtrade capital Yousar Jafar looks at the provision of Fairtrade City status, and how the University and the Students’ Union can get involved n 2004, Cardiff was given the title of the UK’s first Fairtrade city by the Fairtrade Foundation on St David’s Day 2004, beating Edinburgh to the title after demonstrating that more places in the city stocked fair-trade goods. The city’s cafes, shops, businesses, schools and supermarkets have all committed to stocking fair-trade products, thereby offering Third World farmers a better deal than they would have otherwise received on the free market.

There are now over 150 shops, cafes and organisations selling and using fairly traded products in Cardiff. owever, Cardiff University has yet to join this growing list. By the end of the academic year the Union plans to be certified as a Fairtrade Union (a title Swansea University has already gained) and this will have a positive impact on Cardiff’s Fairtrade capital status as Cardiff University is one of the largest institutions and employers in Cardiff. This will ultimately aid the efforts being made towards Wales becoming the world’s first Fairtrade country.

There is a phenomenal amount of

I

support in Cardiff for Fairtrade, with organisations such as the Oxfam Cymru campaigning to stamp out ‘trade poverty’ in the Third World by ensuring farmers get a fair price for their produce rather than being exploited on the free market.

While Fairtrade cannot solve the problems of the developing countries, it does ensure fairness for poor farmers, enabling them to stay on their land, continue to farm and to invest in their future.

During Fairtrade fortnight Cardiff has hosted events including promotions and food-tasting in order to encourage consumers to change their shopping habits to guarantee better deals for the Third World countries.

For more details about events that have been held through out Wales visit the Wales Fairtrade Forum website at: www.gwe.nu/fairtrade/.

UK sales of Fairtrade products are running at an amazing £300m a year and due to the increasing popularity of Fairtrade goods this figure is set to soar in the years to come; however, change is still not happening quickly enough for many of the world’s poorest farmers.

‘Change Today: Choose Fairtrade’ was the theme for this year’s Fairtrade Fortnight, which calls on individuals, community groups and universities among others to scale up their activity in supporting Fairtrade. As Cardiff is a Fairtrade capital this message is taken seriously, and this is why it is important for our university to support Fairtrade and be part of the movement for positive change on trade.

By the end of the academic year the Union plans to be a Fairtrade Union One in two people now say they recognise the Fairtrade mark and many more would agree that Fairtrade products are tastier. Have you tried fairtrade bananas?

As part of Oxfam Cymru’s Fairtrade Wales campaign the Assembly government is being urged to supply Fairtrade bananas to schools across Wales. It is

estimated that local authorities give primary schools in Wales 17.5 million bananas every year. If these bananas were certified as Fairtrade imagine what difference that would make to the lives of farmers and their families in the Caribbean.

Cardiff cares about helping the Third World. The public support for Fairtrade has soared in most cities in the UK due to various campaigns, raising awareness of the problems farmers face to produce the food we enjoy eating. Oxfam Cymru’s Make Trade Fair campaign demonstrated and continues to demonstrate the public support that exists in Wales for urgent reform of international trade rules.

Welsh actor Rhys Ifans has also spoken about his support for Fairtrade and making poverty history claiming that Wales can set an example for the rest of the world to follow. Now it’s time for Cardiff University students to show their support for Fairtrade by purchasing Fairtrade products available in the Union as opposed to buying cheaper alternatives. You can feel sure that the extra pennies you spend on a chocolate bar will help farmers in Third World countries in one way or

another.

The cost of Fairtrade goods was a little more expensive but prices are coming down all the time. Most tea and coffee is the same price as any other supermarket brand. It is a myth that Fairtrade products are a lot more expensive. If it is slightly more expensive than supermarket brands it will only be by a couple of pence.

What are a few pence to us if we know that the extra change we give can help farmers in different parts of the world lead a better life? It makes eating a chocolate bar that much more ‘divine’.

A wide variety of Fairtrade foods are available in the Oxfam shop on Albany road as well as Fairtrade Tshirts which are also available in the Union. So show your support for Fairtrade by trying something different and choosing to munch on Fairtrade chocolates and sweets or gulp fair-trade coffee, tea or juice in the weeks after Fairtrade Fortnight.

What do you think about Fairtrade? Should students be doing more to help? Let us know at www.gairrhydd.com

gairrhydd 17

FEATURES

MARCH.12.2007 FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

fortnight The environmentally friendly choice?

Fairtrade prides itself on presenting an ethical alternative, but how sustainable and environmentally sound is it? Lydia Jones investigates.

A

s climate change and the carbon footprint of our actions continue to be increasingly important in politics, the media and our own consciences, many people have begun to explore if, and how, Fairtrade can be compatible with saving the environment.

Trade, both free and fair, is known for its adverse effects on the climate.

What allows products to be shipped and flown all around the world to give consumers choice has led to the UK needing more than three planet Earths to sustain the current level of consumption.

Our capitalistic greed has resulted in incredible inequalities between rich and poor, and we owe it to countries such as Malawi, which needs a tiny fraction of one Earth, to do our part and facilitate positive change.

Of course, it would be a fallacy to suggest that Fairtrade is the solution to climate change and world poverty. In fact, though Fairtrade strives to give a better life through a fairer wage and better working conditions to poor producers, it also adds to climate change.

However, all consumption, and the problems associated with it, will continue to escalate unless we change everything about our society and buy less. It really is that simple; if only it were that easy. Therefore, to find Fairtrade lacking is to find trade woefully inadequate and detrimental to our planet.

Unlike normal, exploitative trade though, Fairtrade does not admit defeat and accept the status quo; instead it strives not only to give farmers a better wage, but also to minimise its environmental impact. Not doing so is counter-productive in improving producers’ lives because environmental disasters strike hardest in those parts of the world where rain is more than just an inconvenience and droughts mean more then a hose pipe ban.

As trade is going to continue, it should be Fairtrade. 'Choice editing', whereby unethical options are removed from the company all togeth-

er, has already begun – for example, the switch by Sainbury’s to Fairtrade bananas. And with other supermarkets following suit, it may not be long before there is a complete market removal of 'exploitative' bananas.

However, Fairtrade can only ever be truly fair when multinationals are forced to absorb the ethical premium that is currently passed on to the consumer so that buying Fairtrade becomes a realistic and accessible choice for everyone. This will mean that many more consumers as well as producers will have the opportunity to participate in a fairer system.

Apart from its wider goal of making trade fair, Fairtrade is also called on to be environmentally sound, sustainable and organic. In fact, traders are obliged to pay a price to producers that covers the costs of sustainable production and living; and to sign contracts that allow for sustainable production practices.

Many Fairtrade goods are organic, this number is growing all the time and all Fairtrade products are free from genetically modified organisms.

In fact, Fairtrade producers often clear up the mess left by non Fairtrade farmers. For instance, bananas are often wrapped in plastic bags for protection - these are left scattered around the countryside. Fairtrade standards prohibit this and encourage Fairtrade farmers to clear away the bags that often contain chemicals that harm the environment.

Fairtrade farmers are unlikely to overproduce, as opposed to many nonFairtrade farmers, and instead are able to diversify into other crops or improve the quality and sustainability of their existing crops. Fairtrade thus inspires 'producer power' giving farmers back their autonomy.

By decreasing oversupply, waste and energy expenditure decreases, therefore their carbon footprint is reduced. By encouraging people to buy Fairtrade, this may have the effect of causing people to think more about the quality of the goods they buy rather then the quantity so that less becomes more.

For this to happen, however, Fairtrade products need to expand

from their current luxury goods market – largely wine and roses – and increase their production of more necessary items such as cotton and rice.

It is important to be realistic about Fairtrade, however. Fairtrade is one piece of the jigsaw, of which there are several parts for a more ethical world.

The more people that support Fairtrade, the more rigorous it will be able to afford to be.

UK sales of Fairtrade products are running at £300m a year Thanks to its growth and success, the Fairtrade movement has been transformed from its humble beginnings.

Now that multinationals are getting in on the action, it is imperative that Fairtrade does not lose its focus and holds on to its vision of giving producers control over co-operatives, instead of allowing private companies to take over.

Fairtrade is part of a bigger picture of how we need to change our consumption habits. The power of consumption is not enough on its own, but it is a start.

As well as buying Fairtrade products that cannot be grown in this country, we need to start supporting local sustainability by buying local produce from farmers’ markets, greengrocers and small shops, borrowing clothes or buying from charity shops, exchanging items with friends and using creativity to turn one thing into another.

There are three main advantages to this. Not only will it go some way to reduce the number of planets the UK needs but it will decrease the monopoly soulless multinationals have over independent shops and will make our student loans last a bit longer.

So much of our lives are affected by trade that it is impossible to always ‘think global, act local’. Fairtrade gives us a way to support workers in our global village that until thirteen years ago was not possible, and I commend Fairtrade for that.

The Fairtrade Taskforce attacks Lydia James Contributor

U

nknown to most, Cardiff University plays host to a small but active ‘Fairtrade Taskforce’ – a Fairtrade steering group that was set up at the end of the last academic year, and has been fully operational since January.

This small group of eight is a fusion of representatives from the University, the Union executive, People and Planet society, the Cardiff Council, and Fair Do’s, a Fairtrade shop in Canton.

The taskforce has met three times this semester to facilitate the process of achieving Fairtrade status for Cardiff University and to discuss and act on criteria that need to be met in order for this to happen.

There are five criteria that a university must fulfill in order to achieve Fairtrade status, according to The Fairtrade Foundation: 1. A Fairtrade University Steering Group 2. A written Fairtrade Policy.

3. Sellsing of Fairtrade products in all outlets.

4. Use of Fairtrade products at internal meetings and events.

5. Campaigns for increased consumption of Fairtrade products on campus.

Over 40 other universities have achieved Fairtrade status including Swansea, Leeds and Bristol The taskforce oversees the fulfillment of these criteria by Cardiff University. Furthermore, the group is already taking steps to increase the consumption, variety and awareness of Fairtrade products on campus. A large part of increasing that awareness is through Fairtrade Fortnight – a collaboration between the University residences and catering division, the Union, People and Planet, the Union executive and gair rhydd and Quench.

Two examples of how the above steps are worked out in practice are as follows.

At every internal meeting, only Fairtrade tea and coffee is served

(action point four). Every university and union outlet sells at least two Fairtrade food products, but besides food, the Union shop now stocks a range of Fairtrade cotton t-shirts and hoodies (action point three).

In order to gain Fairtrade status, the taskforce must send a report to the Fairtrade Foundation explaining how each goal has been achieved.

At our next meeting we hope to discuss how to set about compiling this report.

Once the University gains Fairtrade status, a yearly report must be compiled and sent to the Fairtrade Foundation to show that the five goals have been developed in order to retain Fairtrade status Why should you care?

As a Russell Group university, Cardiff is lagging behind in the Fairtrade stakes; over 40 other universities have achieved Fairtrade status including Swansea, Leeds and Bristol. Achieving Fairtrade status shows the support of Cardiff as a Fairtrade city and Wales as a future Fairtrade country. It illustrates to members of the public and prospective students that as a university we are serious about Fairtrade and all that it stands for. The most important issues for us to address are that students are informed about Fairtrade, that they have the choice of buying Fairtrade produce within the Union and University, and that wider ethical issues such as sustainability and trade justice are made prominent.

As a large institution, we have the potential to achieve a great deal; this time next year I hope we can be proud to call ourselves a Fairtrade university and look back over the huge progress that has been made.

18 gairrhydd

FEATURES

MARCH.12.2007 FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

Fairtrade Fashion More and more high street stores are now stocking Fairtrade lines Hollie Clemence reveals all

F

airtrade clothing. Have you turned the page already?

Adamant that Fairtrade and fashion can't go hand in hand?

Well you'd be missing out, because Fairtrade clothes are set to be the next big thing and by reading on you can find out how to make a difference.

Clothes shopping is a hugely popular pastime in the UK, where consumers spend billions each year on jeans, dresses, jewellery, goingout tops, staying-in tops, sportswear, suits, skirts and seasonal styles.

As students, we tend to be favourably inclined by a good bargain. It’s difficult to look around a shop such as Primark without wondering how they can sell their clothes for so little money, but this is often overshadowed by the warm feeling of saving some cash.

Sometimes bargains come at a different sort of cost.

1.2 billion workers live on less than a dollar a day As retailers try to keep their product prices down to attract consumers, they often turn a blind eye to the cheap labour behind the label.

Cotton farmers receive pitiful amounts and work in terrible conditions, so that we can save a few pounds on an outfit for a night out.

Equally, some of the more expensive high street shops still skimp on those at the bottom end of the supply chain, knowing how vulnerable they are to exploitation.

Whilst we might spend £30 on a top, 1.2 billion workers live on less than a dollar a day, whilst 22,000 workers die each year from bad working conditions.

More and more shops on the high street are becoming members of the ETI, Ethical Trading Initiative, an alliance of companies, non-government organisations and trade union organisations who aim to maintain an acceptable minimum labour standard. This is a positive step but would be greatly advanced if more shops stocked fair trade clothing as this directly improves the lives of marginalised producers and the communities in which they live.

Fairtrade clothing is not necessarily expensive, so long as it covers the minimum cost of paying its

cotton suppliers adequately to meet their basic living needs. Even if you really can’t bear the thought of passing up your favourite clothes shop, you could still make a difference by writing to them, asking why they don’t have fair trade clothing and telling them that you would really like to see the Fairtrade label in their store.

Marks & Spencer have just released a new range as part of their campaign to remain the largest retailer on the high street to support Fairtrade. Look out for the label in Monsoon, and Topshop has joined forces with the pioneering Fairtrade and ecological fashion company, People Tree, to create a beautiful range of guilt-free fashion.

After making the largest single order of Fairtrade-certified cotton ever in the UK for the Sports Relief T-Shirts line, Sainsbury’s is launching a new 100% Fairtrade cotton range. Debenhams and Next are also set to be the new stockists of the Fairtrade label.

There are many web retail sites selling a wide variety of clothing.

Kate Lawler and Jenny Frost are regulars at www.ladymissfoofoo.com. The suppliers from this website also donate 15% of their profit margin towards establishing and maintaining worker cooperatives in developing communities.

Features onwhere to stock up on Fairtarde-friendly fashions www.ladymissfoofoo.com an amazing site selling beautiful Fairtrade jewellery and footwear

www.greenknickers.org for all your sexy Fairtrade undies

Retailers turn a blind eye to the cheap labour behind the label All of these shops and websites are intent on advancing trade in a fair way. They are not charities, but wish to use their profits to make the world a better place rather than unjustly exploit workers.

While most shops can only offer a range, rather than a full stock of Fairtrade clothes, they are bound to increase their Fairtrade stock if it is popular with consumers. So, the next time you go shopping keep an open mind for some conscience appeasing fashion.

Have you tried to make your wardrobe more Fairtrade-friendly?

Email fashion@gairrhydd.com and let us know how you’re getting on

Oyster in Castle Arcade sells 100% Fairtrade clothing

The Union Shop Yes, even our very own union shop stocks Fairtrade hoodies and tshirts

For further information about Fairtrade clothing log on to: www.getethical.com www.ascensionclothing.co.uk

gairrhydd 19

MARCH.12.2007 SCIENCE@gairrhydd.COM

SCIENCE AND ENVIRONMENT

Alps under pressure Tourists and wildlife are competing for shrinking resources Ceri Morgan Science & Environment Editor

S

now sports are putting fragile Alpine ecosystems under pressure.

Scientists from the University of Bern say that winter sports - such as snowboarding and off-piste skiing are an increasing threat to the local wildlife.

Creatures were found to be frequently leaving their burrows and suffering from the cold, which also made them more susceptible to predation.

Recent studies have also shown that climate change has dramatically shrunk the availability of suitable nesting areas, as snow on the lower Alpine slopes becomes less common.

In an effort to find more places to nest, birds inparticular are moving further up the mountains and straight into the paths of a growing number of extreme winter sports enthusiasts.

The increasing popularity of the off-piste experience - going off the designated runs and into virgin snow puts previously safe nesting areas under pressure.

The scientific team behind the

Snow sports: an increase in winter tourism is affecting wildlife study specifically concentrated on hormone levels present in the Black Grouse.

Increased amounts of the hormone corticosterone present in faeces indicated an increased level of stress in the entire population.

Further study showed that of the 32 sites at which faecal samples were

collected, those which were situated near areas of intensive winter sport activity showed higher levels of the stress hormone than sites in areas of the mountains not frequented by humans.

Whilst the scientists say that these results prove that extreme sports are affecting Alpine wildlife, they do

Wikipedia invades the classroom James Stileman Science correspondent

P

ostgraduates at the University of East Anglia are finding that Wikipedia will form an integral part of their MA. For those that do not know, Wikipedia is a free online encyclopedia with a difference. Rather than the articles being written by a community of academics, anyone can write or edit an informative Wikipedia page.

This is what allows the site to remain free, and also gives it a much wider range of information than an average encyclopedia. Unfortunately this amount of user interaction is the reason people take issue with Wikipedia's reliability: anyone can write anything, so a lot of erroneous information can appear. The range of subjects is also incredibly diverse, but not always relevant.

This is where the University of East Anglia (UEA) comes in: postgraduates taking international relations and development this year have found that an eighth of their assessment grade is based on the online encyclopedia.

The students have to find and edit eight pages pertaining to their course, as well as writing their own article from scratch. The project is the brainchild of Dr. Nicola Pratt, lecturer in

international relations and comparative politics at UEA. She believes that rather than solely being an inaccurate source of information, Wikipedia can in fact act as a useful aid to study.

She said, “I can see why people are sceptical of Wikipedia because it hasn't gone through a peer review process. But with Wikipedia you have a peer review process that's going on every day - that may not involve academics but other people who have differing areas of knowledge.”

Dr Pratt also claims that by publishing their work in an online community her students are likely to take more pride in their writing than if it was only submitted to her. It also means other Wikipedia users can

comment on the work of the students and give feedback.

Trinia Worden is a student at UEA completing her MA on a part-time basis.

“You can follow the progress of your input as changes and additions are often subject to critical review by other 'Wikipedians',” she said, “You are also making a useful contribution to public knowledge by either improving content or accuracy, and your IT skills are improved.”

The scheme is still in its pilot year, but Dr Pratt hopes that it will be enough of a success to implement in her undergraduate teaching next year.

Maybe soon Wikipedia will benefit from work written by an army of students desperate for high grades.

acknowledge that more studies need to be carried out on a diverse range of mountain species, perhaps in other ski regions around the globe. This would lead to a bigger knowledge base on how an increasing number of winter tourists are affecting species biomass and diversity.

The team has concluded that the

fragile habitats of the mountains might need extra protection from significant human impacts, saying; “Only the creation of suitable protected winter refuges will enable the Alpine fauna to endure the growing pressure exerted by human activities on these vulnerable mountain ecosystems.”

Science in brief China crackdown No more internet cafes will open in China in the next year after a ban set down by the Chinese government. The ban has been described by the state news agency, Xinhua, as part of a campaign to tackle internet and internet gambling addiction.

There are already more than 100,000 internet cafes in China with 132 million people use the internet there.

The Chinese government has been criticised in the past for its 'Great Firewall' censoring content it finds offensive or subversive like articles on Wikipedia and Google searches.

and zookeepers say that she's taken her first steps and is doing well.

Black rhinos are one of the world's most endangered species and in the 1990s at most 2,400 still existed in the wild.

UN targets e-waste

Rhino birth on web Thousands watched as a rare black rhino giving birth was broadcast live on the internet. The birth at Paignton Zoo in Devon was a world first and broadcast live by the BBC on their website last Monday. A webcam caught the black rhino, Sina, giving birth to a female calf

The UN has launched plans to create a global recycling standard for electronic devices with major global companies including Ericsson, Dell and Microsoft. The project, Solving the E-Waste Problem or StEP, aims to work together with private companies to decrease the estimated more than 40m tonnes of e-waste per year. The figure is growing as electronic devices get cheaper and technology becomes out of date quicker than ever before. If not properly disposed of toxic substances in e-waste can harm the local enviroment.

Lee Macaulay

www.gairrhydd.com

gairrhydd 21 MARCH.12.2007

MEDIA

FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

87.7 for Free Music On FM from March 9- March 30 A closer look at: Dig Le Mazzika J Fee (Fariha Sabir) and DJ Sai (Saira Iqbal) bring a wide mix of music from all over the globe in Dig Le Mazzika every Thursday at 10:30pm, and also recently hosted the massively successful Global Village at the Union.

Join them as Xpress grabs its suitcase to take in international R&B, hip hop, rock, pop, dance, funky house – plus weekly features Global Lingo, Wise World, Around the World in 60 Seconds and exclusive international guests.

D

Where are you from?

We’re both born and bred Cardiffians!

Have you got anything planned for after you graduate?

Fariha: I’m thinking of becoming a belly dancer; I do enjoy jiggling those hips of mine, but I’d suck. I’m studying Journalism, Film & Media and there are so many exciting options I’m finding it difficult to decide. But I definitely want to delve into media.

Saira: I’m studying Dentistry, so I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life looking into people’s mouths and getting intimate with their teeth! I love it really.

Why world music, especially as it’s so diverse?

We both have a passion for travelling and one of the things we appreciate along the way is the quality of the music we encounter. World music is refreshingly different and sounds great – it seemed such a shame that we’d never have come across this had we not travelled. So we wanted to spread this range, since many people don’t know what they’re missing! A lot of people don’t listen to world music due to language issues but it’s amazing how a song and its beats can capture you.

How long have you been at Xpress?

We started Dig Le Mazzika in October 2006, so we’re still quite new! (By the

A closer look at: The Fresh Princes

By Richard Williams

way, the name means ‘Dig The Music’ – ‘Mazzika’ means Music in Arabic).

What made you want to get involved?

Love for world music, and absence of it on the general music scene. There are countless music channels on television and radio for mainstream music and it’s all pretty much the same.

We’re not saying we don’t appreciate mainstream – we love it! But there is a real need to spread awareness of the global music scene; it’s too good to not be a part of it! We also wanted to represent Cardiff’s ethnic diversity.

Did you have any radio experience before you joined Xpress?

No. We’d built up a great selection of music, and thought, ‘Why not do something with it?’ We didn’t know where to begin and were initially nervous but it’s really not as daunting as it might seem. We’d recommend everyone getting involved – it’s lots of fun and looks ace on your CV too!

he Fresh Princes, aka Sam King, Greg Howard and Jack Zorab, present on Xpress Radio from 12-2pm every Sunday afternoon.

They bring to you a mix of great music, quality features and Northerner-bashing - most of which is directed at that show’s Northern producer, Moneypenny.

The two hours are filled with regular features, including Paper Round, Freshers Dictionary, Presenters Choice, Album of the Month, as well as some fresh new features for 2007.

These include ‘Feed Moneypenny’, in which the producer is blindfolded and fed three random foods by Greg, Sam and Jack.

There is also ‘Hangover Cure’, a song to chill those Comeplay hangovers early on in the show and ‘The Italian Job’, where Sam’s Italian friend Francesco introduces one of his favourite songs every week..

Along with that, there’s the feature

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‘24/7’ which takes a look at everything happening locally and nationally in the world of sports, entertainment and music.

Every week ‘The Fresh Princes’ play a mix of the freshest new music, and some of the best indie/alternative hits from the past few years.

Bands like The Killers, Razorlight, Klaxons, Muse, Bloc Party and Kasabian are just some of the core artists on The Fresh Princes. Along with some of the best new artists around, such as CSS, Los Campesinos!, The Holloways and New Young Pony Club.

As well as talking music, the Princes chat about sport, local events, drunken escapades and much more.

To find out more, either check out the shows Facebook page by searching ‘The Fresh Princes’ on Facebook, or, better still, listen on www.xpressradio.co.uk or tune in on 87.7FM every Sunday, 12-2, to get a taste of what the Fresh Princes can do for you, radio, and music!

Xpress Radio FM Timetable 87.7 FM all over Cardiff and Online at xpressradio.co.uk Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday Thursday

Friday

9.00

9.00

9.00

9.00

The Morning After Before the Night with...

Emma Wilson

11.00 Good value with Rich & Shaz.

Transmission

The Moog Zonei

6.00

7.00

Urban Hymer

7.00

The House Revival Show

7.00

8.30

Napoleon Solo

8.30

Mash-Up

Pam & Steph in the afternoon

4.00

Syd & Ben in the afternoon

4.00

Sports Show To Emo and Beyond

6.00 7.00

Beth and James rock the World!

The Exhibition

8.30 9.30

Wham Bam! Sam Gould

6.00 6.30 8.00 9.30

1.00

6.00

3.00

4.00

12.00 Andrew & Chris

Reggae Showin

In the chair with Daisy & Kate

Phillipa, Lamy & Kate in the afternooon Methu Dawnsio

10.00 Dirty Mac Mixtape

6.00

3.00

3.00

8.00

Indecent exposure with Ross & Lara

The Morning After Before the Night with...

Anwen & Sahmaira 11.00 Anything but Silence with Alice & Kate 1.00 The Afternoon kickabout with James 3.00 The Lowdown with Ameera & James 4.00 A date with Hannah & Gail

Midday madness with Lucy

Ladies wot Lunch with Han & Joc

Andrew’s All Sorts Oz & Nik

The Morning After Before the Night with... Lucy & Carly

11.00 The Lara and Nev Show

3.00

7.00

9.00

11.00 The Show with No Name Hannah, Laura & Caryl 1.00 Culture Shock with Fae

Less is More with Shamina & Sara

6.00

The Morning After Before the Night with... Rich.

D.

11.00 Packed lunch with Hannah & Rhiannon 1.00 Carry on with Catherine

1.00

4.00

The Morning After Before the Night with... Rhys & Amy

The Thrift Store Show The Rock Bureau

11.00 Kein Bock Mehr!

12.00 Sneakers Are Better Dirty 1.00 Jonathan Manning

Saturday

1.00

The Absolutely Amazing Andrew Savage Show Faces for Radio Tom & Craig

10.00 Snooze with Emma Bennett 12.00 The Ben & Rach/Rach & Ben Show 2.30 Indecent exposure with Ross & Lara 3.00 4.00

8.00 10.00 Dig Le Mazzoka

10.00 Pandora’s Box

11.30 Fiona and Tom

11.30 Dirty Decibels

11.00 Innervisions

12.30 Richard Cross 1.00

Iconic

1.00

Alistair’s Drum n Bass Show

Sunday

12.00 The Fresh Princes Sam, Greg & Jack 2.30

Cheese Toasties and Jazz

3.30

The Jazz Society Show

4.30

Off the Record

5:30

8.00

Roffer’s and Sim’s Country Pie The Glastonbury Show Dig!

9.30

Hang the DJ!

Local Eyes Under the Covers with Tasha Reasons to Be Cheerful Saturday Night Therapy Catfish Cafe

10.00 Melodica 11.00 Twilight Mushroom Session 12.00 Wave of Mutilation 1.00 Synasthesia

6:30

11.00 Off Their Rockers 12.00 Jealous Again

gairrhydd

POLITICS@gairrhydd.COM

e-Ming

Rhiannon Doe Political Correspondent

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s students most of us have already discovered the delights of the networking website Facebook, also known as the main reason why we’re going to fail our degrees this summer.

However, it seems we’re soon to be joined by our politicians in our poking wars and on our message walls.

It has been reported last week that Sir Menzies Campbell, leader of the Liberal Democrats, has set up his own Facebook profile in order to appeal to younger voters.

Being the Facebook addict that I am, I thought this a great opportunity to add Sir Ming as my friend and have a look at what the ‘approachable’ Lib Dem front man has to offer.

In all fairness to the man, he is working hard at keeping the profile up to date, with daily postings of videos taken from the recent Liberal Democrat conference in Harrogate, links to his speeches as well as links to other Lib Dem campaign sites.

Ming’s star status certainly seems

His wall posts are a mixture of genuine political concerns and the odd inevitable smart alec comment

TROUBLE: post-Kilroy, UKIP are still struggling to stay afloat

UKIP slip

John Triddon Political Correspondent

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loset racists’ or not, UKIP is what stands between the British mainstream and the far right. The news that UKIP may be forced to return over £350,000 of impermissible donations left its leader Nigel Farage calling his party’s punishment “disproportional” to a crime that was effectively a clerical error.

If UKIP are to be punished it will leave Britain’s fourth largest party bankrupt, and a BNP-shaped hole on the right of the UK’s political landscape.

What would have really grated Nigel is that throughout UKIP’s short

groups, but you would be wrong.

One of my favourites is ‘Daleks for Lords reform’, clearly a reform strategy Ming holds close to his heart. He’s even spawned his own group, aptly named ‘Proud to be a Minger’. The mind boggles.

However, as amusing as all this is, it leads us to ask whether this is the most effective way for politicians to reach out to their younger audiences?

Ming leaves himself open to risk on a public networking site where anyone can add him as a friend, but then again, so do we. The assumption is that the benefits come election time of using this internet phenomenon to alert young people to Lib Dem policy outweigh the negatives.

Voter turnout among young people is low and with sites such as Facebook and Myspace on the up, it seems that this could be the key to bucking that trend.

Other politicians are beginning to follow suit, with Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell also having her own profile. Clearly this is a trend that isn’t about to stop anytime soon.

So now Facebook is being used for more than just avoiding work. I guess this gives us permission to use it more often – it’s for the good of the country.

That reminds me: I should delete some of my more embarrassing photos from drunken nights out; after all, can’t have a political leader seeing my indiscretions.

to be working wonders, as he has a diverse range of over 600 friends. At this point I begin to wonder how many of these ‘friends’ are doing the same as me, adding him purely out of interest as to what a politician posts on his Facebook profile.

Most of his buddies are students or fellow Lib Dems, or both. His wall posts are a mixture of genuine political concerns and the odd inevitable smart alec comment – “Ming, how much are you benching these days son?”

A popular man I hear you say. You can be forgiven for thinking that a Westminster MP has too much on his plate to add to his list of Facebook

14-year history it is only in the last couple of years it has spurted into life, finding the support and credibility it needed to grow.

Farage is preparing his party for seats in Parliament by widening their policy areas, changing their name to the ‘Independence Party’, and campaigning in all regions of the country in order to broaden their appeal.

The 2004 European elections handed UKIP 10 MEPs, and the following year’s general election may have only won them 2.38% of the vote but recent Tory defections have given a timely bolster to the UKIP armoury.

The potential support for UKIP is at an all time high, and any moves further towards the middle ground by David Cameron could be the straw that

23

POLITICS

MARCH.12.2007

SURRENDER: Sir Ming has given in to the almighty call of Facebook breaks the camel’s back for many on his right wing.

Even grass root conservatives say they appreciate UKIP’s values, with many among the ranks believing it to be the party whose beliefs are closest to their own now that the Tories are drifting left.

The problem is that if UKIP go under then a sizeable number of those from the old Conservative right, as well as current UKIP members, may fall further into the waiting arms of the BNP. Come the next elections, should the BNP receive a few more council seats here and perhaps an elected MEP there it will make local government a whole lot stickier.

The party’s racist ranting contributed to the Bradford and Oldham riots in 2001, and nobody should underestimate the power that a few more local councillors could wield in stirring up problems.

It must be reluctantly pointed out that UKIP has proved itself to be the epitome of ‘democracy’, supported by those who agree with their views (rather than any sort of partisan alignment), and playing by the rules by disassociating itself from mobs and the like, which parties on the outer edges are inclined to do.

To ensure fairness in our democratic elections, the Electoral Commission must reprimand UKIP for its accounting, but should this cripple UKIP’s ability to put up candidates, it would leave many to look at the BNP as their next best alternative.

Any action taken against them will set a precedent for the outcomes of the ‘cash-for-honours’ investigation; considering this, there should be a degree of ‘proportionality’ brought into the equation.

A failure to do so could see BNP numbers boosted, threatening democracy at a time when it is at its most imperative.

Pom power With elections looking larger on the horizon, Tim Hewish looks at alternative sources of Tory votes

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he British Isles is fast becoming an apathetic collection of nations; election turnout is decreasing at almost every level, yet people still find the time to vote on who they want to evict from the Big Brother house.

What is the Tory response to this dilemma? It appears that recruiting from beyond the homeland is the way forward. It is understood that around three million Britons live aboard, referred to as ex-pats, though the Institute for Public Policy Research has placed this figure at 5.5 million.

The data shows that Britons prefer migrating to Commonwealth nations such as Canada, New Zealand and Australia. The latter is said to have around 500,000 ex-pats, who by law are allowed to vote on British matters, as a fundamental right of a British citizen.

The media have jumped on this assertion and branded this latest Tory tactic as the aptly coined ‘Pom vote’.

What needs to be assessed is whether this is a ridiculous adventure for the Tory party.

No other party has jumped at the chance of securing this pool of voting power; could this be a touch of action, rather than the traditional reactionary politics we are accustomed to from the Tories?

Another question is how Cameron

can convince 500,000 Aussie Brits to vote blue?

At present only 20,000 ex-pats are registered to vote so that leaves a hefty majority untouched by political parties to milk for support.

For this to become more than one of Cameron’s whimsical exploits, the system that allows ex-pats to vote needs to be overhauled.

At present, postal votes are the most common form of voting, but these are only sent out one week before elections, which makes overseas voting impractical. Also, finding a proxy to register your voting intentions involves hours of red tape and back checking.

Recently, Cameron has made several trips to India and the Arctic in a quest for broadening his appeal; will his attentions now turn Down Under, in an attempt to woo foreign Britons from their armchairs?

The real allure for Cameron is the fact that 5.5 million potential voters act as external constituencies. The Tories have already drawn up ‘swing states’ from which to win seats; Sydney, Perth and the Gold Coast are the top three on the list.

With the number of ex-pats growing each year – 21,780 UK nationals left Britain to settle in Australia during 2005, up 30% – political parties should sit up and take heed of an international community with the ability to get them elected.

Running for the political middle ground may be a long way from home for most Conservatives, but Cameron will do well to reach further afield for votes.

From huskies to Aussie surfboards is quite a political jump, but if anyone can do it, it might as well be Cameron.

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gairrhydd 25 MARCH.12.2007

HEALTH

HEALTH@gairrhydd.COM

Better to be safe than sorry As more and more stories apper in the media concerning women’s sexual health, Health editor Liz Stauber look at the three main issues causing controversy.

1. HIV he BBC recently reported that, according a new survey, seven out of 10 young women do not believe that they are at any risk of being infected with HIV. The poll, which was carried out by The Body Shop and MTV, also found 92% of women do not carry condoms when on a night out.

Two-thirds of the 1,064 women aged 16 to 30 surveyed thought it would spoil their chances of having sex.

Figures also revealed that more than half of the 4.3 million patients who were diagnosed with the disease in 2006 were under the age of 24.

According to the BBC, the survey also found that more than one in 10

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(14%) said it was a man's responsibility to carry the condom. One in 10 said they thought a womanwho carries a condom is "easy" and sleeps around Nearly half (47%) said they ignored the subject of condoms when talking to their friends about their sex life and just 32% make it a priority to ask new partners about their sexual history Seven out of 10 said they would feel embarrassed if a condom fell out of their handbag in the ladies' toilet Chris Davis, global campaigns manager for The Body Shop, was quoted as saying: "It's worrying that so many young women don't think they are at risk from HIV and think it is somebody else's problem - such as those in developing countries, homosexuals or drug

users. In fact, figures show that HIV infections are spreading fast among girls and women."

Lisa Power, of the HIV charity Terrence Higgins Trust, has warned young people of the dangers that can be associated with apathy.

She said: "If young women - and men - continue to be complacent about their sexual health we are going to see a far greater epidemic in HIV and other sexually transmitted infections in the UK. "It is vital that sexually active women carry condoms and take responsibility for protecting themselves, especially as they are at greater risk of getting HIV than men through heterosexual sex."

include: vomiting, slurred speech, loss of consciousness, poor balance, muscle spasms and breathing difficulties.

Behaviour can also be affected.

Inhibitions can become lowered, and the person may lose control, and act more sexual and flirtatious.

According to statistics, women aged 15 to 30 are the most likely to be targeted. The best advice to follow is to never leave your drink unattended. If you have to go somewhere without it, you should leave it with someone you trust. Do not let a stranger buy you a

drink and always watch the bar staff when they are pouring it. If you are dancing, bottles are easier to keep safe, as you can simply put your thumb over the top.

If you think your drink has been spiked, alert a friend, bar staff or the police as soon as possible, especially if you want to prosecute the attacker, as the drugs do not stay in your system for a long period time

3. Alcohol

rink spiking occurs when somebody adds alcohol or drugs to another person’s drink without them knowing.

It can happen anywhere, in a bar, in a club, or even at a private party.

Victims are left vulnerable and at risk of sex attacks. Spiking somebody’s drink is a serious offence and carries a custodial sentence of 25 years. The most common drugs used to put in somebody’s drink are Rohypnol, GHB (liquid ecstasy) and kettamine.

The symptoms a victim may suffer

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What do you think? Let us know at www.gairrhydd.com

3. Smear tests recent article revealed that younger women are failing to turn up for a regular smear test, even though they are part of the age group which is at most risk.

Experts are concerned that if women continue to miss smear tests, they risk warning signs being missed and cancer developing. The test is not designed to detect cancer cells, but to look for abnormalities which, if left untreated, could lead to cancer in the cervix. The death rate surrounding cervical cancer has dropped, but the disease still claims the lives of around 1,000 women each year in the UK. Professor Alison Fiander, a gynaecological oncologist at the University of Wales College of Medicine, in an interview with the BBC said: "It is worrying that the very women most at risk of precancerous cervical disease - younger women - are those that are choosing to stay away from screening in increasing numbers.”

A smear test is where a doctor or nurse takes a sample of cells from your cervix (the entrance to the womb, at the top of the vagina) to check for cervical cancer. However, a smear can also used to check for infections. It is advised that women should attend tests every three to five years while they are aged between 20 and 64. The schedule is monitored by an automatic system, overseen by a local Health Authority, so women should receive a letter from either them or your GP inviting them to make an appointment. It is also recommended that if a young woman is under 20 and are having sex, they should also be tested.

The test is carried out by a doctor or specially trained nurse. The patient will be asked to lie on her back on the examining table with

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their knees drawn up and apart. If this is difficult it is possible to lie on the side with the knees up instead.

The important thing is to be comfortable. Nerves play a big part in this, especially on a woman’s first appointment. The doctor will insert an instrument called a speculum into the vagina. This is to hold the walls of the vagina apart so that they can see your cervix and take the sample.

They will then scrape some cells from the cervix using a thin wooden spatula or soft brush.

Some people might find the procedure a bit uncomfortable but it shouldn't hurt. If it is very uncomfortable it is probably because they are tense, so taking some deep breaths may relax the muscles. If it does hurt or they are really unhappy, it is vital to tell the doctor or nurse who is doing the test.

The cells are sent to a lab to be analysed and the results will be sent back to the clinic where the test was carried out. If the results are deemed normal, then the clinic rarely contacts the patient to inform them.

However, if reassurance is needed, then she is welcome to contact the surgery to enquire if anything was discovered. . If the results are abnormal the clinic will contact the patient. confidentially and to explain any problems. An abnormal result doesn't necessarily mean anything to worry about. First time patients are often advised that they may be recalled, especially if they are young, as sometimes not enough cells were on the slide. Others maybe recalled as an infection has been noticed, but antibiotics or other medication can be prescribed. Some people have a common condition called 'cervical erosion', which is nothing to worry about and will usually go away without any treatment.

"It is worrying that the very women most at risk of precancerous cervical disease - younger women - are those that are choosing to stay away from screening in increasing numbers.”

gairrhydd 27

JOBS & MONEY

MARCH.12.2007 JOBS@gairrhydd.COM

Mouse trap Jobs & Money Editor Gillian Roberts looks at how the phrase ‘shop till you drop’ could be a thing of the past, due to the increase of online buying.

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t only takes a click of a button and Bob’s your uncle, within two to three days your internet purchase is on your doorstep.

In the past few years online shopping has boomed; the industry is constantly expanding into a vast web of sites which tickle your spending each

week.

It is so easy for students to take one look at their loans and before they sort out their outgoing essentials spend it on internet shopping sites.

Yet the reason it is so popular is due to the fact that it is convenient, can offer better prices, better information,

Online card safety

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Don’t release your card PIN (personal identification number) to anyone.

Don’t reveal your card or bank details online as proof of age or identity.

Don’t give away your bank or card details by ordinary email.

Don’t post any important card details in chat-rooms or bulletin boards.

Do check your account regularly online for any discrepancies. For example, you may have been overcharged.

Do report anything unusual you find and contact the retailer or your bank.

Do choose careful passwords that no one is likely to guess.

Do keep your details safe at all times and do destroy your pin numbers as soon as you receive them.

can save you time, and can offer a wider range of goods than the usual high street - not forgetting the only movement you have to make is to the doorstep when the postman fails to fit your parcel through the letter box.

However, there are a few precautions to be made and students must be

vigilant with their online spending.

It is so easy for students to find themselves bored online (Facebook is losing its shine) and to start spending money without thinking. Students who do regularly spend online must account for extra-spending within their weekly or monthly budget, to ensure they do not blindly become overdrawn.

Spending online is easy to forget about after those tired eyes hit the buy button, so it is advisable to make a note of your spending so you don’t get any surprises.

In addition, internet security is an essential; no-one want to be a victim of fraud. Before you flash your card, check the company’s policies before you order from them. There should be a guarantee or return policy in place which should give you some peace of mind.

Check with friends who have used the site before successfully, as well as details such as the speed of delivery, import duty costs, costs of delivery, any available customer service and full contact information including an address and phone number.

Keep a record of your purchase by saving or printing out adverts, confirmation messages or e-mails. Always ask for records or confirmations if they do not automatically appear.

UK sites are better as it is easier to reinforce your rights, but you cannot guarantee the site is British even if it has ‘.uk’ in the web address or site name. Look for the UK contact address and prices in sterling and check with the company if in doubt.

A padlock symbol will appear on the screen when a secure site is accessed by Explorer. This is essential to reduce the risk of card details being intercepted and misused.

According to the BBC News website the same rights apply to online shoppers as to usual shopping. It was also said that there are additional rights that apply, for example, clear informa-

tion about what you are about to purchase, a confirmation of the information released post purchase, and a period of time where an order can be cancelled and refunded. Finally, you are entitled to a full refund if your purchase does not arrive by the date confirmed, or, if a date was not agreed, a full refund is entitled if your purchase doesn’t arrive within 30 days.

It is better to use a credit card for your purchases than a debit card, due to the rules of the consumer credit act which provides you with a certain amount of protection.

Don’t assume everything online is cheaper

The BBC News website also advises that although online auctions may contain some real bargains, they can be less secure than buying from a company. Sometimes it’s best to be cautious of the prices as some things can be undervalued and might be not what you are expecting.

Don’t assume that everything online is cheape; every now and again you can find a better bargain on the high street, so it is advisable to shop around before you buy anywhere.

Consumer Direct is a government agency that will be able to help or give advice on your rights and responsibilities. You will find it at http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/RightsAn dResponsibilities/index.htm.

Online spending does have its obvious benefits, but it costs nothing to be safe. In addition, students should think whether they really need to spend their much needed cash or whether they are just bored online. Take care when you click.

jobshop Please contact us on 029 2078 1535 or pop in to the Jobshop on the ground floor of the Students’ Union.

Opening hours 10am-4pm Monday-Friday.

EXPERIENCED BAR AND WAITING STAFF REQUIRED We urgently require experienced bar and waiting staff to work at various locations in the city centre on Saturday 17 March.

gairrhydd 29

TELEVISION

MARCH.12.07 TV@gairrhydd.COM

This Week’s Shanes Among The Steves: March 12th-18th

TV Desk get physical! Grrr!

We’ll talk about real TV stuff next week...promise.

HOT

Q u e n c h ’s Mixtape: OMG!? Isn’t Cardiff so hot right now?

Just to prove it the lovely people at Quench Music have put together a monster all day event for the pleasure of all you music loving geeks. So get off Facebook, put on your indie gladrags and bloody turn up you lazy student bum.

Soaps TV Kyle via TV Jazz sums up this week’s soaps. In Eastenders this week, there are frissons of tension as (at this point TV Kyle breaks down slightly, wimpering how he knows nuffink about soaps) However, he can confirm that this week’s plotline revolves around villas in Spain, leaving Walford and librarians with ideas above their station. ‘All Stacey wants is Max to herself’ he says before sobbing into his soiled Kleenex and puts on some Radiohead to help soothe the pain. Spawn of Satan Ben gets some form of comeuppance or something like that. Bov. Also, Toadie gets shot in Neighbours.

Love hurts, kids. In Coronation Street, Dierdre continues to sound like a cement mixer with stones thrown in, and maybe some hearty gravel thrown in for good measure and some bits of brick…

NOT

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his week TV Desk has mostly been reliving their wasted youth, particularly concentrating on the bane of Daily Mail readers throughout the ages, Wrasslin’.

It was actually alarming to see quite how excited several members of the TV Desk got when this subject arose. TV Fran, however, was less than impressed. In fact, I would go far as to say that she out and out dislikes wrestling. This was not helped when she was hounded by several fully grown men throwing DX and John Cena taunts at her one fateful evening and resulting in a brief period of her not talking to us er.... I mean them. Meanwhile the other female member of TV desk is equally clueless. However, the efforts of TV Jazz must be admired as she tries to impress (slash converse) with her haphazard

Fudge Tunnel 666

knowledge of a ‘Steve Macmahon’. Steve? Clearly somebody spent a little too much time watching Sweet Valley High and not enough watching WWF Smackdown.

Therefore, this week, we shall be imparting onto you a healthy dose of nostalgia, and urge you to release your inner geek for the purposes of this page. TV Kyle will be first up, revealing to you his favourite wrestler, Shaun Michaels (HBK).

The best thing about the Heart Break Kid was his unparalleld atheleticism and stunning aerial abilites. I also love how he would always strive to do his best...

Hmm, as you can see TV Marshall has quite obviously thrust this upon me and the prospect of an

entire front page concentrated on Wrestling is really quite distressing. However, I would like to go on record to say that Wrestling is a real sport and so are its dangers.

Please, Don’t try this at home.

Quite obviously the greatest wrestler of modern times is the Mexican enigma that is Rey Mysterio. An athletic little scamp, and a stylish bugger too, (apparently even his masks have been designed by Louis Vuitton) Rey Mysterio has got it all. The 619 is a quality finishing move, albeit rather hard to do in a playground with no turnbuckle, and when you are neither Mexican, nor good at wrestling. I learnt this the hard way, much to my chagrin, when I ended up falling face first onto the floor, and then spent the next two lessons picking gravel out of my face. Aww, how sad. Much love, same time next week xx

TV Grapevine TV Rumours time! In absolutely fantastic news Cartoon Network announced today that production has begun on the Untitled Andre Benjamin Primetime Series.

Created by Andre Benjamin (Andre 3000 of OutKast) and Tom Lynch (Romeo!), 12 half-hour episodes and a one-hour premiere are being produced at Cartoon Network Studios. I should imagine that it mainly involves bright colours and crap clothes. Buoyed by her TV success of late, Billie Piper is in talks with Ben Elton to star in a musical of Thundercats, taking on the role of Cheetara. Other celebs vaunted for the project include MC Harvey, Richard Blackwood and Joe Pasquale. Words cannot describe how excited I am about this.

Volumptus Valley babe Charlotte Church has banned reality TV stars

from her Channel Four show “I prefer to have proper actors and singers on,” Church told the News of the World. “I haven’t got a lot to say to reality stars. There is only so much you can ask them. My ideal guests would be Lee Evans, Prince and Sting.” In other Welsh telly news Tom Jones has agreed to do a mini-series investigating paranormal activities in South Wales. The project currently titled ‘Hex Bomb’ (groan) will air in the summer on Bravo. Finally, and most alarmingly, ex-Fun House host Pat Sharpe has been detained at Chinese Customs for trying to smuggle illegal fur.

Sharpe was discovered in the possession of several Panda pelts with the intention of launching his own clothing range. It is unclear whether he will be prosecuted at present.

Mother’s Day: Right, there’s very little of your loan left, you have to go to the effort of remembering it, buying a card, posting it and then ringing your mum to tell her you love her when really you honestly can’t be all that bothered. Great. Like TV Guy says: ‘shouldn’t everyday be Mother’s Day?’

Film Goodfellas (Thursday, Channel 4, 10.00pm - 12.40am) Of the many films Scorcese failed to be recognised by the academy for, this is perhaps the finest. Joe Pesci delivers a fantastic performance as someone desperately in need of some anger management advice and there’s a lot of violence and blood and stuff. Plus, it’s way better than the crimanally overrated melodramatic mess that is Scarface, Gangsta Rappers may point to it on Cribs but that is no way to judge cinema. Rant over.

Sport This week sees UEFA Cup (Thursday, ITV1, 7.30pm 9.45pm) action with TV Kyle’s favourites Newcastle in action against clog wearing Dutch no-hopers AZ Alkmaar. No doubt the ‘toon’ put in an embarrasing display as the geordie faithful are sent back home disappointed. At least they have the consolation of being ‘like, the best fans ever!’

Obituaries National treasure and gay icon John Inman has been pronounced dead today.

He is undoubtably most famous for his role as Mr Humphreys in long running department store sitcom Are You Being Served? While his camp witty character recieved some criticism, he was overwhelmingly popular with audiences and won the BBC Television Personality of the Year award in 1976. In 2005 he and his partner Ron Lynch took part in a Civil Partnership Ceremony after 35 years together.

30 gairrhydd

MONDAY

MARCH.12.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Doctors

Maths Challenge

Wales This Week

All Change

Remember Me

BBC1 2.05pm

BBC2 11.00am

ITV1 8.00pm

Channel 4 4.30am

five 3.30pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Beat the Bailiff 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am How to Live Longer 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:05pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 5:00pm M.I. High 5:30pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Panorama 9:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 9:30pm Traffic Cops 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Surviving the Falklands with Simon Weston 11:15pm Sleep Clinic 11:45pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross 12:15am Heavenly Creatures 2:15am Sign Zone:Top Gear 3:15am Sign Zone:Gene Detectives 4:00am Joins BBC News 24 There are no interesting programmes on this channel today, so here is some Saved by the Bell trivia instead. At the end of the opening credits Kelly completely misses the group high five. Lisa’s favorite drink was a “Mango-Tonic with a Kiwi Twist”.

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Astro Boy 7:25am Newsround 7:30am The Story of Tracy Beaker 7:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 8:15am ChuckleVision 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Underground Ernie 10:30am Schools:Watch 10:45am Words and Pictures 11:00am Maths Challenge 11:15am Maths Challenge 11:30am Shakespeare: The Animated Tales 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Schools:What?

Where? When? Why? 1:15pm Something Special 1:30pm FA Cup Draw 1:40pm Coast: North East Bamburgh 1:45pm Animal Park 2:45pm Castle in the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm A Taste of My Life Wake up at mid-day, catch up on lecture notes which I have missed, MySpace, Facebook, MySpace, Facebook, Ready Meal, Barfly, Chippy Lane, Sleep.

7:00pm A Musical Star is Born 7:30pm As BBC2 12:40am Stephen Fry: The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive 1:45am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel:Deutsch Plus 1-16

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 4:00pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive 4:30pm Poirot 5:30pm Dale’s Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wales This Week 8:30pm Coronation Street 9:00pm Fallen Angel 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Texaco Young Musician of Wales 2007 11:30pm WAGs Boutique 12:30am Champions League Weekly 1:00am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:05am ITV at Reading 2005 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News I bet you enjoyed that Saved by the Bell trivia earlier, didn’t you? Well here is some more for Biker Mice From Mars. In the first episode of the 1993 series, when the mice save Charley from Greasepit, Modo makes a reference to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with “You were expecting turtles, maybe?”. Also, In the second episode of the 1993 series, Modo makes a reference to Alvin and the Chipmunks; responding to Vinnie’s claim that his lips “are an intergalactic treasure” he comments, “Mice with lips! What’s next, chipmunks that sing?”. Thanks Wikipedia.

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am School of Hard Knocks 11:30am How Sport Shook Up the World 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Will and Grace 1:00pm The River’s Edge 2:30pm A Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Heavy Petting 8:00pm Dispatches: Charles: The Meddling Prince 9:00pm The Last Days of the Raj 10:35pm ER 11:35pm The Sopranos 12:40am 4 Music:Live from Abbey Road 1:45am Freesports on 4: BMX 2:15am World Cup Skiing 4:00am Lisa Looks Back 4:15am All About Us: Living and Growing (Sex Ed 9-11) 4:30am All Change 4:50am Number Crew 5:00am Animated World Faiths 5:15am Just Write 5:30am Puzzle Maths 5:45am More Adventures from the Writing House In one episode Penfold was referred to with a first name, Ernest. No “normal” name is ever given for DangerMouse himself.

Bring back Dangermouse.

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am The Beeps 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm Primal Secrets 3:30pm Remember Me 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Everybody Hates Chris 7:00pm five news 7:15pm The Gadget Show 8:00pm Monster Moves 9:00pm Extraordinary People: The Seven-Year-Old Surgeon The only redeeming feature of channel five is the weekly collection of freaks which is ‘extraordinary people’. I don’t even need to make jokes about this, the episode titles say it all. ‘The Boy Who Sees Without Eyes’, ‘The Boy With A New Head’, ‘The Woman With Half A Face’ and ‘The Twin Within The Twin’.

Nothing makes me feel better about myself than watching these guys taking their existence seriously.

10:00pm Prison Break 11:00pm Fortress 12:50am USPGA Golf 1:40am NASCAR Nextel Cup 2:30am French Football 3:20am Now Is the Time: Night of Combat - Kick Boxing

7:00pm Castaway 8:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 8:30pm Help! My Dog’s as Fat as Me 9:00pm Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 9:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 11:00pm Little Britain 11:30pm Family Guy 11:50pm American Dad 12:15am Help! My Dog’s as Fat as Me Solution - stop feeding the bloody thing! However, if you did that then this program might be taken off the telvision and none of us want that to happen. 12:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 1:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 2:15am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 2:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 3:15am New Wedding Stories I’m going to pretend this program is Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps just so I can further emphasize how utterly wank it is. It is utterly wank.

7:00pm Panorama Revisited 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Wainwright’s Walks 9:00pm Are We Having Fun Yet? Considering you’re watching BBC4, probably not. This is a channel whose idea of fun might well consist of learning a foriegn language, Snow Patrol concerts and Friday nights at home playing Jenga against yourself. If I had a choice between watching BBC4 for an entire day and spending a day in solitary confinement, then I’d take the latter every time. 10:00pm Hotel 10:30pm Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy 11:15pm Wainwright’s Walks Seriously? Walking? On television? Is there a single person anywhere in the world who is even remotely interested in watching this? Why not spend the half an hour you would spend watching this and actually go for a walk? Fatty.

11:45pm Are We Having Fun Yet? 12:45am Proms on Four 2006 2:55am Are We Having Fun Yet?

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop’s Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:25pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 7:30pm Dancing on Ice 8:30pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 9:00pm True Lies 11:45pm Haunted Homes 12:45am Coronation Street 1:15am Coronation Street

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am Kasabian’s Guest List 8:00am Tips For 2007 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Nelly Furtado’s Comeback Kings and Queens 11:00am Fresh Tracks 12:00pm Nothing but... Indie Kings 1:00pm Kasabian’s Guest List 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Van Wilder: Party Liaison 10:50pm The Simple Life 11:20pm The Simple Life 11:50pm Scrubs 12:20am Scrubs 12:45am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 1:40am One Tree Hill 2:25am The Simple Life 2:50am The Simple Life 3:10am The War at Home 3:35am Desperate Housewives 4:15am Switched 4:40am Switched 5:00am Switched 5:25am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am School of Hard Knocks 11:30am How Sport Shook Up the World 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Mr Men 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Ribidires 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder: Losing Myself 1:20pm A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Dennis a Dannedd 4:25pm Planed Plant:Campyfan 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Rownd a Rownd 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Ffermio 9:00pm Cefn Gwlad 9:30pm Portread: Atgofion Jim

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

gairrhydd

31

TUESDAY

MARCH.13.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Life on Mars

Underground Ernie

Down Under Forever

Bodyshock

Titch

BBC1 9:00pm

BBC2 10:15am

ITV1 3:40am

C4 9.00pm

five 8:40am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Beat the Bailiff 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am How to Live Longer 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:05pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 9:00pm Life on Mars 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Week In, Week Out 11:05pm ONE Life 11:45pm Cricket World Cup Highlights 12:45am Stark Raving Mad 2:25am Sign Zone:Panorama 2:55am Sign Zone:An Island Parish 3:25am Sign Zone:Dr Alice Roberts: Don’t Die Young Yes Alice, that is terrific advice. Thank god for fully trained doctors like yourself because I was just about to set fire to my eyes. God bless medicine degrees.

3:55am Sign Zone:Gene Detectives 4:40am Joins BBC News 24 5:00am Cricket World Cup 2007

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Astro Boy 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Shaun the Sheep 7:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 8:15am ChuckleVision 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim Earthworm Jim’s replacement really doesn’t make the cut I’m afraid 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Underground Ernie 10:30am Wild about Nature 10:50am Primary Geography: Portrait of Europe 11:10am Star Trek: The Next Generation 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Coming to England 1:20pm Bobinogs 1:30pm Iolo’s Special Reserves 2:00pm am.pm 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm A Taste of My Life 7:00pm Are We There Yet? 7:30pm The Dragon’s Tail 8:00pm Rick Stein’s Food Heroes 8:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 9:00pm Horizon 9:50pm Eagle Valley 10:00pm The Money Programme 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Big Welsh Joke 11:50pm Taken 1:15am Battle for the Amazon 1:45am The Witness 1:50am The Witness 1:55am The Witness 2:00am GCSE Bitesize Revision

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 4:00pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive 4:30pm Poirot 5:30pm Dale’s Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Cops with Cameras 8:30pm Some Like It Hot 9:00pm Fallen Angel 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm The Truth about Ethical Food: Tonight 11:30pm Mark Owen’s Orange Playlist 12:00am ITV Play: Glitterball 3:40am Down Under Forever 4:35am The Jules and Lulu Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News Why is there such a big space for me to fill here?

ITV has done alright over the years, you’d think they could schedule a few more programmes. As none of the programmes really inspire me to write anything interesting, original or vaguely TVrelated, I’ll instead explain a dilemma which has been gripping the TV pages since the inception of the new TV order - the true identity of TV Kyle/Karl/Lyle.

Apparantly it’s awfully funny for my fellow team members to spell my name incorrectly, so i’d like to officially go on record to say that I’d like to be remembered as TV Kyle. Because I’m sure you all care who writes this crap.

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am The Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People I love all this stuff, fight for your rights, stand up and be counted, girl power, spice up your life. 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am School of Hard Knocks 11:30am How Sport Shook Up the World 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Will and Grace 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Heavy Petting 8:00pm It’s Me or the Dog Crufts Competition Special 9:00pm Bodyshock 10:00pm Kidnapped 11:40pm The Charlotte Church Show 12:30am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 1:00am My Name Is Earl 1:25am The War at Home 1:50am The War at Home 2:15am The Osbournes 2:35am The Osbournes 3:00am Bob and Margaret 3:25am The Jamie Kennedy Experiment 3:50am School Disco 4:00am Lisa Looks Back 4:15am When the Romans Came to Wales 4:30am All Change 4:50am Number Crew 5:00am Animated World Faiths 5:15am Just Write

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am The Beeps 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:35pm Broken Lullaby 3:35pm five news update 3:40pm Never Say Never: The Deidre Hall Story 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Everybody Hates Chris 7:00pm five news 7:15pm The Singing Estate 8:00pm Bermuda Triangle: The True Story 9:00pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:00pm CSI: Miami 11:00pm Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 12:05am The FBI Files 1:05am NBA Action 4:10am Motorsport Mundial 4:35am Race and Rally UK 5:00am World Supercross Grand Prix TV Kyle is going on record again, yes twice in one issue, to say that he is rather worried about the mockery we are making of these TV pages. It’s not like anyone actually reads this, but if they did, they’d discover the string of inside jokes, insults, foul language and hypothetical fights which we have shamefully created.

7:00pm Help! My Dog’s as Fat as Me 7:30pm Match of the Day Special: UNICEF Friendly 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 11:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 12:00am Family Guy 12:20am American Dad 12:45am Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 1:15am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 2:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three TV Marshall, your taste in music is based entirely on novelty. Towers of London, Girls Aloud, Kiss, GLC, No Sleep Police, The 5.6.7.8’s, The Darkness, Bloodhound Gang, Lady Sovereign, Lethal Bizzle, MC Hammer, Motley Crue, My Chemical Romance, Pet Shop Boys, Rammstein, Robbie Williams and W.A.S.P. These are just a few examples of novelty bands I found when scrolling through your Ipod. Admittedly, some bands novelty is less intentional than the likes of GLC, but there’s no denying MCR are a complete and utter joke.

7:00pm Volcano Stories: Montserrat 7:10pm I Love 1997 it really wasn’t that great to be honest. In terms of music, Vengaboys ruled the world and despite the best efforts of Will Smith nobody was ‘gettin’ jiggy wit it’.

Admittedly, Ok Computer was released, but you don’t want to read my verbal masturbation so i’ll leave all Radiohead discussion at that. In film, Home Alone 3 was released and so signalling the destruction of a legacy which should never have been tampered with.

Macaulay Culkin is the only child who should ever be left home alone.

8:00pm The World 8:30pm Never Mind the Full Stops 9:00pm The Day Today 9:30pm The League of Gentlemen 10:00pm Life on Mars 11:00pm The Car’s the Star 11:20pm The Car’s the Star 11:40pm Panorama Revisited 12:40am Never Mind the Full Stops 1:10am Proms on Four

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop’s Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:10pm Judge Judy 6:00pm American Idol 7:00pm American Idol 8:00pm American Idol 9:00pm WAGs Boutique 10:00pm 10 Things I Hate about You 11:55pm Pretty Woman 2:15am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:00am Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am Kings of Leon and On and On and On 8:00am Tips For 2007 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Nelly Furtado’s Comeback Kings and Queens 11:00am Fresh Albums 12:00pm Nothing but... Queens of Pop 1:00pm Kings of Leon and On and On and On 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm The OC 10:00pm Skins 11:00pm Faking It Burlesque Special 12:20am Scrubs 12:50am Scrubs 1:15am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 2:05am Skins 3:05am Faking It Burlesque Special 4:10am One Tree Hill 4:50am Switched 5:10am Switched 5:35am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am The Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am School of Hard Knocks 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Peppa Pinc 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Planed Plant:Joni Trons 4:25pm Planed Plant (12.30-1.15):Popty Bob Man 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:25pm Tipit 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Taro 9 9:00pm Tywysogion 10:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 11:00pm Never Did Me Any Harm 12:00am ER 1:00am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 1:30am The Last Slave

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

32 gairrhydd

WEDNESDAY

MARCH.14.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Boyz to Men

Child In A Million

BBC1 2.30am

Star Trek: Next Loose Women Generation BBC2 10.30am ITV1 12.30pm

C4 11.05pm

five 8.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Beat the Bailiff 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am How to Live Longer 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:05pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 8:00pm Watchdog 8:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 9:00pm New Street Law 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm The National Lottery 10:40pm High Hopes 11:10pm It’s a Mad World 11:55pm Cricket World Cup Highlights 12:55am Morons from Outer Space 2:30am Sign Zone:The Madness of Modern Families 3:00am Sign Zone: A Very English Village My housemate lives in a village called Kingston Seymour. She talks about grass and stuff. Sometimes farmyard animals and she has to wear wellies. Wow. I’m a city kid all we have are tower blocks and trollies in canals.

Wow x2. 3:50am Sign Zone: Gene Detectives 4:35am Joins BBC News

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Astro Boy 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Shaun the Sheep 7:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 8:15am ChuckleVision 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special I find the following special: mix tapes, bright socks, buttons and sequins, stickers, high fiving and fannypacks. 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Underground Ernie 10:30am Star Trek: The Next Generation 11:15am Small Town Gardens 11:30am The Daily Politics 1:00pm Downsize Me 1:30pm Working Lunch 2:00pm The Flying Gardener 2:15pm A Taste of My Life 2:45pm Castle in the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm A Taste of My Life 7:00pm This World 7:50pm A Wild Yorkshire River 8:00pm Masterchef Goes Large 8:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 9:00pm Party Animals 9:50pm Don’t Watch That Watch This! 10:00pm The Grumpy Guide to... 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm BBC Four on BBC Two:Time Shift: Parallel Worlds - A User’s Guide 12:20am Taken 1:45am Dragons’ Den: Best of 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:GCSE Bitesize Revision 4:00am GCSE Bitesize Revision: Physical Education

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 4:00pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive My mate Daniel loves this programme. Honestly.

Him and about seven other viewers I bet. 4:30pm Poirot 5:30pm Dale’s Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm UEFA Cup Knockout: Tottenham Hotspur v Sporting Braga Martin Jol may be delighted with the likes of Keane, Defoe and Berbatov but basically watch Spurs get annihalted by these Portuguese hotpots. Sometimes, i impress myself with my footballing knowledge. And have to put in words like hotpots just to reaffirm that I am a girl and so TV Kyle doesn’t feel challenged. 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Benidorm Club 18-30 holidays? No thanks. It’s just an excuse to get hideously and incessantly smashed and have some schlaaag give you a blow job in the toilets who you then proceed to take home. In fact, here’s a tip, cut your potential STI count to single figures and just go to Creation.

11:35pm Lily Allen’s Orange Playlist 12:00am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me Said Jade Goody. I wish. 8:30am Cheltenham Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am School of Hard Knocks Today featuring Mike Tyson and the mouthy one from Loose Women.

11:30am How Sport Shook Up the World 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Will and Grace 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Heavy Petting My friends and I have taken to talking of ‘bases’ when conversing about rudies. It’s great stuff. So remember: 1st, 2nd, 3rd and Home run. Who knew the TV Pages were an social and cultural educational medium too ey? 8:00pm Relocation, Relocation Revisited 9:00pm Grand Designs 10:00pm Desperate Housewives 11:05pm Boyz to Men 12:05am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 12:40am Goalissimo! 1:40am KOTV 2:10am World Cup Skiing 4:05am Trans World Sport 5:00am Postmodern Pastimes I like postmodernism me. 5:10am Countdown 5:55am Inuk

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 I tried to high five my dad t’other week, he wasn’t too impressed. If I could, I’d cut all links.

7:20am The Beeps 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy No, bugger off. 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm Jack Reed: Badge of Honor 3:30pm Columbo Goes to College 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Everybody Hates Chris 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Lemur Island 8:00pm Child in a Million 9:00pm Before You Go Replace the last of the milk which you decided to use. Tosspot. 10:55pm Britain’s Fattest Teenager: Hidden Lives Michelle Macmanus aged 11 12:00am PartyPoker.com European Open III 1:30am NHL Ice Hockey 3:55am Boxing Classic 4:45am Football Argentina What’s a great way of filling space I wonder? Hmmmm: dfdsjkfghdskhjbdhjbdhjvbdhjbfhfbdhbfdhbfdhbdhfbdhbdhfufhfnvusnslkheoirhonfjnfanfasfsajfbkjasfbaskjfbsakjfbsajfkbsafbsabfsajbfjksbfskjbfsjbfjksabfjsakbfsajkbfasjkbfakjbfajkbfakjbfajbfakjbfjakbfajkbfajkbfakjbfajbfakjbfakjbfk

7:00pm Anthea Turner: The Perfect Housewife According to Wikipedia this is ‘where she taught disorganised housewives how to fold towels, clean and run their houses and prepare perfect canapés, amongst other accomplishments.’ Do I care. At. All. NO. Fuck off Turner. Go eat a Flake and sell your wedding pictures. 8:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 8:30pm Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 9:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 10:00pm Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Chocolate 11:00pm Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 11:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:30am American Dad 12:50am American Dad 1:15am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 2:15am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 2:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 3:15am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three

7:00pm Teletubbies 7:30pm Vets in Practice 8:00pm The World 8:30pm All Mod Cons The Jam are crap.

9:00pm Are We Having Fun Yet? Well?

10:00pm Hotel 10:30pm Tight Spot: Lift 11:00pm Hotel 11:30pm Are We Having Fun Yet? 12:30am Tight Spot: The Lift 1:00am Proms on Four 2006 3:15am Are We Having Fun Yet? Apples in Stereo have an album called ‘Fun Trick Noisemaker’ Check it arrt.

Miles Davies also had an album called ‘Big Fun.’ I like him too. Jazz music isn’t as bad as everyone makes out too. Listen to John Coltrane too. Also: Panic! At the Disco once said that ‘Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off’ General thoughts please? TV Kyle thinks they’re amazing, ‘a wonderful infusion of many a musical genre, defying all boundaries, continuing to put across ‘emotional’ music even in the face of public HATE.’

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop’s Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Smallville 8:00pm Australian Princess 9:00pm Pretty Woman 11:25pm Coronation Street 11:55pm Al Murray’s Happy Hour 12:55am Comedy Cuts 1:25am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:00am Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am Nicholas Cage Unlocked 8:00am Tips For 2007 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Nelly Furtado’s Comeback Kings and Queens I was once asked if I preferred old school Nelly Furtado, or new sexed up school Pwah Nelly. Thoughts? 11:00am Fresh Stuff 12:00pm Nothing but Young Pretenders 1:00pm Nicholas Cage Unlocked 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Friends 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Kylie Showgirl Homecoming Tour 11:00pm Desperate Housewives 12:00am Scrubs 12:30am Scrubs 1:00am Kylie Showgirl Homecoming Tour 3:25am Desperate Housewives 4:10am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:50am Switched 5:10am Switched 5:30am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Cheltenham Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am School of Hard Knocks 11:30am Bobinogi 11:45am Bobinogi 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Falmai y Fuwch 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Craig ac Eifion 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Stwffio 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Rownd a Rownd 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Byd o Liw 9:00pm Caerdydd 10:00pm Relocation, Relocation 11:00pm Desperate Housewives 12:00am 10 Years Younger 1:00am Cheltenham Festival

Modern Families

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

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33

THURSDAY

MARCH.15.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Breakfast

My Life As A Child

Wales Tonight

10 Years Younger

The Wright Stuff

BBC1 6.00am

BBC2 7.00pm

ITV1 6.00pm

C4 8.00pm

five 9.00am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Beat the Bailiff 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am How to Live Longer 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt I bought a pair of shorts t’other day for £6. There’s no shame in a bargain kidzzz. 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder I diagnose you were murdered. 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:05pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 9:00pm Comic Relief Does the Apprentice How scary is Alan Sugar?

Answer: Very. 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Dragon’s Eye 11:05pm Question Time Is fricking great. 12:05am This Week 12:50am Cricket World Cup Highlights 1:55am Sign Zone:Blair: The Inside Story 2:55am Sign Zone:Sleep Clinic 3:25am Sign Zone:When Love Comes to Town 3:55am Sign Zone:Gene Detectives 4:40am Joins BBC News 24 5:00am Cricket World Cup 2007

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Astro Boy 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Shaun the Sheep 7:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 8:15am ChuckleVision 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Underground Ernie 10:30am Schools:Look and Read 10:50am Words and Pictures 11:00am Primary Geography 11:10am English Express 11:40am Seasonal Snapshots 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Family Xchange 1:45pm Animal Park 2:15pm A Taste of My Life 2:45pm Castle in the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm A Taste of My Life 7:00pm My Life as a Child 7:30pm Border Country with Iolo Williams 8:00pm Masterchef Goes Large 9:00pm Fear, Stress and Anger So who else got their results last Friday ey?

9:30pm Dead Ringers 10:00pm The Graham Norton Show 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Big Welsh Joke 11:50pm Desi DNA 12:20am As BBC2 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:GCSE Bitesize Revision 4:00am GCSE Bitesize

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 4:00pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive Another week, another prancing on Ice comment, why why why insist on giving past it F listers hope that their career has some prospect of resurrecting itself if they appear on this programme EVERY FUCKING WEEK. Well listen up: it won’t. Get over it, and get on the phone to Iceland and get that advert whilst you still can. 4:30pm Poirot 5:30pm Dale’s Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm UEFA Cup Knockout: Newcastle v AZ Alkmaar 9:45pm TV’s Naughtiest Blunders 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Hidden Loves 11:30pm Waterfront 12:00am Unsigned 12:30am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am Make Me Perfect There aren’t enough Seth Cohen’s in the world.

There’s your premise for the show.

5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News Ey up! I went to Manchester t’other day to visit my friend Phil and it were great! Slighty disappointed that no one seems to say MED FER IT anymore but life’s full of these small knocks. But, did you know you can get a weekly bus pass for £3!

Yes! 3 fooking quid. Bostin!

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Cheltenham Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am Preachers to Be Jamie Oliver takes 15 disadvanatged kids from the streets and encourages them to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Haha! I’m so funny sometimes. N.B not this time though. 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Will and Grace Every Fag needs a hag right? 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Heavy Petting I’m trying so very hard not to make a very expected comment here.

And succeeding it would appear.

8:00pm 10 Years Younger 9:00pm Life After Death 10:00pm GoodFellas I like gangstarrr films, a fair amount to be honest, I am a girl. Honest. (Coupled with a football comment i appear to slip in nearly every week, i’m practically a freak) Buuuut, i prefer the Godfather series more. 1 prefererably. Wow. 12:40am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 1:10am 4 Music:O2 Wireless Festival 2:15am Jakob the Liar 4:15am Dispatches: Charles: The Meddling Prince 5:05am Scrappy Races

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am The Beeps 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm Spies, Lies and Naked Thighs 3:30pm Mercy Mission: the Rescue of Flight 771 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Everybody Hates Chris 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Animal Attraction: Ultimate Seducers Who do you reckon is the biggest sleaze: Dane Bowers or Dean Gaffney? My money is on Gaffney. TV Kyle’s is on Bowers and TV Guy believes it’s Bowers too. Boo. 8:00pm Mind the Fat 9:00pm 50 Shocking Facts about your Food For dinner tonight i’m having spinach and tomato tagliatelle. Might even sprinkle some cheese on top.

Again it really is amusing (for me i’m sure, not so much you) the extent we’d go to in order to fill space.

10:30pm Extraordinary People: The Twins who Share a Body 11:35pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12:35am Football Night 1:25am Quiz Call 4:00am Football Argentina Highlights 5:00am Dutch Football

7:00pm New Anthea Turner: The Perfect Housewife 8:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 8:30pm Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 9:00pm The Roadkill Chef 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm The Real Hustle 11:00pm Conning the Conmen 11:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 12:00am Castaway: The Last 24 Hours 12:30am Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Chocolate C’mon, let’s face it, there are worse things to be addicted to, such as Heroin, Usher records and reading the Daily Mail. 1:25am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 2:25am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 2:55am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 3:25am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three Writing the alphabet is such an effective way to fill space: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z and again A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.

7:00pm Wainwright’s Walks 7:30pm Tomorrow’s World: Genetics Special 8:00pm The World 8:30pm The Waiting Room 9:00pm Are We Having Fun Yet? Reading these listings, it’s a fricking hoot a minute, of course you’re having fun. 10:00pm Tight Spot: The Lift 10:30pm Operation Good Guys 11:00pm Little Dieter Needs to Fly 12:10am Are We Having Fun Yet? 1:10am Proms on Four 2006 2:55am Are We Having Fun Yet? Wow, how to fill half a page? Maybe actually write something about fucking TV you say?

HA! As if (well aside from Shipwrecked there isn’t much worth watching) Instead i’m going to talk about how i’d really like the New Arcade Fire album.

I’d really like the new Arcade Fire album please. It’s called Neon Bible. And IT IS well good. If anyone would like to buy or send it to me that would be MEGA. I’ll even write you a thank you letter.

Fanx TV Jazz x

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop’s Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:25pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Smallville 8:00pm WAGs Boutique 9:00pm Runaway Bride 11:10pm Supernatural 12:10am Comedy Cuts 12:40am The Office: An American Workplace 1:10am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:00am Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am P Diddy or Didn’t He? 8:00am Tips For 2007 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Nelly Furtado’s Comeback Kings and Queens Back to the Nelly Furtado question in hand, new Nelly is phitt. We have a winner. Meh. 11:00am Fresh Gigs 12:00pm Nothing but Not Quite Sure What to Make of Them 1:00pm P Diddy or Didn’t He? 2:05pm Switched 2:35pm One Tree Hill 3:35pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm ER 10:00pm Skins 11:00pm Van Wilder: Party Liaison 12:50am Scrubs 1:20am Scrubs 1:50am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 2:30am Skins 3:30am The War at Home 3:50am One Tree Hill 4:35am Switched 4:55am Switched 5:20am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Cheltenham Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am Preachers to Be 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Tomos A’i Ffrindiau 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Craig ac Eifion 4:20pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Sioe Gwobrau Mawr 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Stwffio 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Gwragedd Rygbi 9:00pm Pawb a’i Farn 10:00pm Ralio 11:00pm Grand Designs 12:00am The Sopranos 1:05am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 1:35am The Tie That Binds

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff,CF24 4NN

02920 229977

34 gairrhydd

FRIDAY

MARCH.16.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Unmarried Parents Scandal C4 7.35pm

Everyone Hates Chris

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 4:00pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive 4:30pm Poirot 5:30pm Dale’s Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm A Touch of Frost 10:00pm Florida Beached: Tonight 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Al Murray’s Happy Hour 12:00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 2:20am F1: Australian Grand Prix Qualifying 4:20am 60 Minute Makeover 5:10am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News It is with a heavy heart that I have to admit that I, TV Marshall was wrong. Wronger than a bag full of wrong. Last week, at the end of my tether with the seemingly omnipresent white spaces that needed to be filled, I saw a jibe directed at me and naturally assumed it came from the bile ridden harpy that is TV Fran. I therefore, reacted in the only way I know. Through cheap insults and profanity. I am now taking this opportunity to apologise to the fragrant Miss Jarvis, and offer her crisps and sexual favours. The real villain of this farce is the insidious TV Lyle. The swine insulted me and allowed a lady to take the blame. What an awful, awful man.

6:05am Grabbit the Rabbit 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me an irreverant look at life in the Gair Rhydd office. It is a sign of how tired and thick I am that I genuinely thought that I just typed orifice. Meanwhile this is the dictionary definition of ‘orifice’. - ‘an opening or aperture, as of a tube or pipe; a mouthlike opening or hole; mouth; vent’. 8:30am The Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am Preachers to Be 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Will and Grace 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:30pm Cheltenham Festival Highlights 7:35pm The Insider: Unmarried Parents Scandal 8:00pm Ugly Betty 9:00pm Ugly Betty 1 10:00pm Ugly Betty 11:05pm Balls of Steel 11:50pm Muse: Video Exclusive 11:55pm Cheltenham Festival Highlights 12:30am 4 Music:The Magic Numbers Cover Story 12:45am 4 Music:JD Set 1:00am 4 Music:O2 Wireless Festival 2006 2:05am 4 Music:4Play: The Rumble Strips 2:20am 4 Music:Muse: Video Exclusive 2:25am World Cup

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am The Beeps 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:35pm What Kind of Mother Are You? 3:35pm five news update 3:40pm Love Comes Softly 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Everybody Hates Chris 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Mean Machines 8:00pm The Dark Side of Hippos 9:00pm NCIS 10:00pm Law and Order: Criminal Intent 11:00pm Size Matters - Celebrities on the Scales 12:00am Prison Break 1:00am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS The hot topic at the moment is should we get the bus home or just go straight to the Gatekeeper? The man from Del Monte say pub. PUBPUBPUBPUBPUB. Unfortunately, I’m still hungover and smell. Thankfully, I acquired a car air freshener over thee weekend which is still in my bag. Therefore, a quick rubbity-rub under the old pits will leave me pine fresh for the laydeez. I’ve just figured out that I have drunk 2 litres of cherry coke trying to compose this.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop’s Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:25pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Smallville 8:00pm American Idol 10:00pm American Idol 10:30pm Haunted Homes 11:30pm Coronation Street 12:00am ITV at the Movies 12:30am Test Drive My Girlfriend 1:00am ITV Play: Make Your Play

6:00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 7:00am James McAvoy - The Last King of Scotland 8:00am Tips For 2007 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Nelly Furtado’s Comeback Kings and Queens 11:00am Fresh Films 12:00pm Nothing but... New Arrivals Just In 1:00pm James McAvoy - The Last King of Scotland 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm My Name Is Earl 9:30pm Peep Show 10:00pm Kidnapped 11:45pm Scrubs 12:10am Scrubs 12:40am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 1:30am The War at Home 1:55am Kidnapped 3:25am Desperate Housewives 4:05am One Tree Hill 4:50am Switched 5:10am Switched 5:30am

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am The Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am Batty Man 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Penblwydd Pwy 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Craig ac Eifion 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Teledu Eddie 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Uned 5 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Tipit 9:00pm Jonathan 10:00pm Gwragedd Rygbi 10:30pm Caerdydd 11:30pm CNEX 11:45pm Johnny Mnemonic 1:30am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 2:00am Balls of Steel 2:45am Live from Abbey Road 3:40am Corinne Bailey Rae: Live

Shaun the Sheep

A Taste of My Life

Al Murray’s Happy Hour

BBC1 3.45pm

BBC2 6.30pm

ITV1 11.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Beat the Bailiff 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am How to Live Longer 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Director’s Debut: Baby Boom 2:50pm Director’s Debut: Sarah Parish 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:05pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 5:00pm Gina’s Laughing Gear 5:30pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Comic Relief: The Big One 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Comic Relief: The Big One 3:05am Joins BBC News 24 5:00am Cricket World Cup 2007 This week I have decided to ‘big up’ the Live Music Society as I feel they are criminally underrated. I am currently writing this from within an alcoholic fugue, thanks mainly to the fact that my mum squeezed me out 19 years ago yesterday. As I was wildly staggering around the arsehole of Cardiff that is Fun Factory, I happened upon a wonderful band playing in the side room. What also made them stand out was the fact that they had nice clothes on, rather than the ugly men in Sepultra T-shirts that usually populate the room. So big love to LMS and big love to Adam C. x

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Astro Boy 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Shaun the Sheep 7:45am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 8:15am Chucklevision 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Jackanory Junior 10:30am Schools:Razzledazzle 10:50am Words and Pictures 11:00am Starship 11:20am Focus - Substance Misuse 11:40am See You, See Me - Vikings in Scotland Big, hairy, ginger, violent, liberal attitude to personal hygiene, irrelevant to modern society, yes the Scottish are positively cavemen compared to the Vikings. 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:30pm Animal Park 2:15pm A Taste of My Life 2:45pm Castle in the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm A Taste of My Life 7:00pm Lemurs of Madagascar 7:30pm Scrum V Live 9:30pm Gardeners’ World 10:00pm Top Gear of the Pops 10:35pm Newsnight 11:05pm Newsnight Review 11:40pm Cricket World Cup 2007 12:40am Star Trek 1:30am Star Trek 2:20am Malcolm in the Middle TV Karl is a miserable swine. Boo you, whore. xxx

7:00pm Doctor Who Confidential 7:30pm Doctor Who 8:15pm Doctor Who 9:00pm Fight Club 11:15pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:45pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:15am Family Guy 12:35am Family Guy 1:00am Comedy Specials: Moonmonkeys 1:30am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:30am Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Chocolate Stuck for what to fill this bit with, I consulted a lyrics website to try and find ‘Love Machine’ to save me work. I was, unfortunately, plagued by that irritating advert which involves a cartoon hornet, inviting me to ‘zap’ it. This in itself is in no way annoying, but rather the high pitched whining that accompanies it drove me to swearing and violence.

Who in their right mind believes that this will in anyway want me to click on their stupid fucking website and enter a dubious competition to win free porn?

7:00pm Top of the Pops 8:00pm The World 8:30pm All Mod Cons I hope to the sweet baby Jesus that this is about the era-defining Jam record and not some in-depth investigation into the cultural impact of Ikea. You see, dear readers, being a mod is a way of life, for this humble co-editor, and he has come under a not inconsiderable amount of flak for it. Apparently, according to my friends back home, ‘noncing around in a suit, wearing gay neckerchiefs and listening to crap music’ does not constitute a way of life. But, then again, these are the same sort of wankers who most likely threw up on your shoes at Rubber Duck and look like Jack Wills’ ejaculation.

9:00pm Celtic Connections 10:00pm Hotel 10:30pm Folk Hibernia at the BBC 11:30pm Folk Hibernia 1:00am Never Mind the Full Stops 1:30am Celtic Connections 2:30am Proms on Four 2006

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gairrhydd

SATURDAY

MARCH.17.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Song for Europe

35

Fairly Odd Parents

American Idol

The Morning Line

The Gadget Show

ITV1 3.00pm

Channel 4 8.00am

five 11.40am

BBC1 7.30pm

BBC2 11.30am

6:00am Breakfast 10:00am Saturday Kitchen 11:30am Bill’s Food 12:00pm BBC News; Weather 12:10pm Football Focus 1:00pm Six Nations Rugby 4:30pm Final Score 4:50pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5:10pm Six Nations Rugby 7:30pm Song for Europe The competition to be the 2007 British eurovision contestant this year as always is a veritable smorgasbord of Z-list scraps. We have Brian Harvey (who ran himself over), Justin Hawkins (cokehead), Liz McClarnon (Love Island ‘babe’), Scooch (Big in Japan), Cyndi (Almouzni) and Big Brovaz (appeared in Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed).

8:30pm The National Lottery: Saturday Draws 8:40pm Casualty 9:30pm Song for Europe Odds from William Hill suggest that Brian Harvey and Justin Hawkins are joint favourites, so chances are we’ll have a recovering drug addict representing our fair nation.

TV Ben aka TV Marshall fancies the chances of loveable badboy Brian Harvey whereas TV Guy is putting his money on Justin ‘twatfruit in a catsuit’ Hawkins, who will win? You decide!!!!!!!!

10:00pm BBC News; Weather 10:15pm Comic Relief 10:20pm Match of the Day 11:40pm Cricket World Cup Highlights Bird invades pitch...man chases it away. Riveting stuff eh? 12:40am Film To Be Announced 2:25am Joins BBC News 24 5:00am Cricket World Cup Highlights

6:20am Tweenies 6:40am Big Cook Little Cook 7:00am CBBC:Roar 7:55am Arthur 8:10am Lizzie McGuire 8:30am The Story of Tracy Beaker 9:00am Hider In The House 10:00am The Story of Tracy Beaker 10:30am Time Warp Trio 10:50am Secret Show 11:00am Krypto the Superdog 11:30am Fairly Odd Parents 11:45am Sportsround 12:00pm See Hear 12:45pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross Rossy was voted Sexiest Male Voice in Radio in a poll by Trojan condoms, no joke. 1:15pm Jane Austen Documentary 1:45pm Monk 2:25pm Film To Be Announced 4:55pm Meerkat Manor 5:20pm Meerkat Manor 5:35pm Wales on Saturday 6:00pm Final Score 6:10pm TOTP 2 6:45pm Natural World 7:35pm Natural World 8:30pm Moira Stuart In Search of Wilberforce Moira Stuart began her career as an actress. In 1980, she played Darong in Series 1 of game show The Adventure Game; she also worked as a continuity announcer and newsreader for both Radio 4 and Radio 2 before moving to television in 1981.

In 2006, Stuart played a hyper-realised version of herself in the Ricky Gervais comedy Extras, supposedly involved in supplying drugs to Ronnie Corbett, were they growth hormones by any chance?

9:30pm The Ring Cycle: Gotterdammerung 2:30am Film To Be Announced

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:20am Pocoyo 6:35am Dora the Explorer 6:55am Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 7:25am Lilo and Stitch 7:50am SpongeBob SquarePants 8:10am Avatar 8:35am Kim Possible 9:10am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am CITV:Horrid Henry 9:40am CITV:Bel’s Boys 9:55am CITV:Art Attack 10:20am CITV:Drake and Josh 10:50am Coastal Kitchen 11:20am Saturday Cooks 12:50pm ITV News; Weather 12:55pm ITV Wales News and Weather 1:00pm American Idol 3:00pm American Idol 3:30pm F1: Australian Grand Prix Qualifying 5:00pm ITV Wales News and Weather 5:15pm Local News and Weather 5:20pm ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5:35pm New You’ve Been Framed!

6:05pm Harry Hill’s TV Burp 6:35pm Dancing on Ice - The Final 7:55pm Primeval 8:55pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 9:45pm The Dame Edna Treatment 10:43pm ITV Weather 10:44pm Regional Weather 10:45pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Shaun Of The Dead The extras who played the zombies were all paid £1 for every day’s work on set, although some were local residents and Spaced fans turned up and took part for nothing, wow.

12:45am ITV Play: Make Your Play 1:20am Don’t Move, Improve 1:58am ITV News Headlines 2:00am F1 GP

6:15am The Hoobs 6:40am The Hoobs 7:05am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line 9:00am T4:Friends 9:30am T4:Musicool 10:30am T4:Popworld 11:20am T4:Friends 11:55am To Be Announced 12:30pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 1:00pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing 4:15pm Location, Location, Location 4:45pm Deal or No Deal Classic 5:30pm Monarchy with David Starkey 6:30pm Channel 4 News 7:00pm Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 8:00pm Bremner, Bird and Fortune 9:00pm To Be Announced 11:10pm To Be Announced 11:40pm 4 Music:Live from Abbey Road 12:45am 4 Music:Shockwaves NME Awards 2007 I don’t want to spoil this for you but I can’t stay silent, Sexiest Man - Matt Bellamy? Old ratface with the pointy chin? And Pirates of the Caribbean winning best film?

And My Chemical Romance as best international band? In my NME reading days its readers were trendsetters and tastemakers to their friends with an encyclopædic knowledge of The Libertine’s history, it has now degenerated into Smash Hits with silly hats and will jump on any bandwagon that it thinks can sell a copy. Then again, hasn’t it always been like that? I’ve gotta go and get myself a pair of braces and some winklepickers...ciao xx 2:20am Water Drops on Burning Rocks 3:55am To Be Announced 5:10am

6:55am Franklin 7:25am Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 7:35am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:15am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:30am Rupert Bear 8:45am Rupert Bear 9:00am Jane and the Dragon 9:30am Don’t Blame the Koalas 10:00am No Girls Allowed 11:05am Xcalibur 11:40am The Gadget Show 12:30pm Ride Clear of Diablo 2:05pm Ghost Dad 3:35pm Baby Bedlam 5:15pm Don Quixote 8:00pm five news and sport 8:15pm NCIS 9:10pm CSI:NY 10:10pm Law and Order 11:10pm Grey’s Anatomy 12:10am Grey’s Anatomy 1:10am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS Where is all the softporn on five these days? I remember back when I was eleven and I’d just got a TV in my bedroom. Where I live Channel 5 (as it used to be known) had bad reception and so my late Friday nights were spent holding a coat hanger aerial above my head while trying to get a good view of cheeky delights such as ‘Emmanuelle’ and ‘Emmanuelle II’. The immense eglaic rush of finally seeing a pair of french bosoms was only dwarfed by the intense feelings of shame that followed and the worry that at any moment my mother was going to enter and ask if I wanted either Haribo or a Match when she picked up the morning paper.

7:00pm Top Gear 8:00pm The Real Hustle 8:30pm Film To Be Announced 10:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 10:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:00pm Film To Be Announced 12:50am The Real Hustle 1:20am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 1:50am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:20am To Be Announced 3:20am To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced To Be Announced.........

7:00pm 1997: A Year on TV 8:00pm To Be Announced 9:00pm Celtic Connections 10:00pm Aaltra 11:30pm The Great Hunger: the Life and Songs of Shane MacGowan Shane MacGowan is great because he’s a drunken irishman, or, as he likes to say, "I’m just following the Irish tradition of songwriting, the Irish way of life, the human way of life. Cram as much pleasure into life, and rail against the pain you have to suffer as a result. Or scream and rant with the pain, and wait for it to be taken away with beautiful pleasure." He is also well good because he was in a band called The Nips/Nipple Erectors.

12:30am Are We Having Fun Yet? I’m certainly not, I have caught the disease that is prevalent and contagious here at TV Desk, writer’s block. The only known cures are song lyrics, wikipedia, and writing about writer’s block. 1:30am Folk Hibernia 3:00am Celtic Connections

6:00am Ni Ni’s Treehouse 7:20am MacDonald’s Farm 8:25am Bag People 8:30am Bug Alert! 8:45am The Wheels on the Bus 8:50am Teleshopping 9:25am Emmerdale Omnibus 12:10pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2:35pm Holiday Showdown 3:35pm Australian Princess 4:35pm Movies Now 4:50pm ITV at the Movies 5:20pm Smallville 6:20pm Australian Princess 7:20pm Dancing on Ice: Defrosted 8:20pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 8:50pm Harry Hill’s TV Burp 9:20pm Dancing on Ice: Defrosted Results 9:50pm To Be Announced 11:40pm Dancing on Ice The Final 1:00am Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 2:00am Dancing on Ice: Defrosted Results 2:30am ITV Play: Make Your Play 3:15am Emmerdale Omnibus

6:00am E4 Music Zone 2:00pm 4Music Presents... Red Hot Chili Peppers 2:30pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm The Simple Life: Interns 6:30pm Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 7:00pm Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Desperate Housewives 10:00pm Desperate Housewives 11:00pm Desperate Housewives 12:00am Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:30am Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 1:30am Desperate Housewives 2:20am Desperate Housewives 3:05am Desperate Housewives 4:00am The Simple Life: Interns 4:30am Switched 5:00am Switched 5:30am Switched E4 promises so much yet delivers so little.

6:15am The Hoobs 6:40am The Hoobs 7:05am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am Musicool 9:55am Friends 10:25am Friends 10:50am High School Dance 11:50am Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:20pm The OC 1:10pm Beauty and the Geek 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Y Clwb Rygbi Rhyngwladol: Pencampwriaeth y Chwe Gwlad 2007 7:30pm Y Clwb Pel-Droed 8:05pm Newyddion a Chwaraeon 8:20pm Noson Lawen 9:20pm Tywysogion 10:20pm CNEX 10:35pm Amelie 12:45am Bremner, Bird and Fortune 1:45am Private Benjamin 3:45am 4Music Presents... Jet 4:10am KOTV Bore da! Pwy dych chi? Ben dw i. Dw i’n byw yn Nghaerdydd ond dw i’n dod o Birmingham yn wreddiol. Mae ein chwaer gyda fi. Rhiannon fy enw i. Es i allan ddoe a es i i’r Clwb Ifor Bach.

Edrychais i gem ar y teledu. As you can see my grasp of Welsh is poor at best.

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36 gairrhydd

SUNDAY

MARCH.17.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Jane and the Dragon

Musicool Channel 4 12.45pm

Castaway

Kombat Opera

Dancing On Ice

BBC1 9.00pm

BBC2 10.00pm

ITV1 4.10pm

6:00am Breakfast 7:35am Match of the Day 9:00am Sunday AM 10:00am Heaven and Earth with Gloria Hunniford 11:00am Countryfile 12:00pm The Politics Show 1:00pm To Be Announced 2:30pm EastEnders 4:25pm Lifeline 4:35pm Star Portraits with Rolf Harris 5:05pm Songs of Praise 5:45pm To Be Announced 5:50pm Match of the Day Live 6:45pm Antiques Roadshow 7:35pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 8:00pm Rough Diamond 9:00pm Castaway built my hopes up only to bring them crashing back down.

I did think this was the sublimely excellent Tom Hanks film, but TV Marshall newly equipped with “What’s On TV” informs me this is just a different version of that shit reality show where contestants were stranded for a year.

Except this time it’s in New Zealand.

Fucking ace. And since when has Ben known anything about TV since he hasn’t watched any for at least 8 months.

That’s right kids, it really is this easy to be a TV editor.

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:15pm To Be Announced 10:25pm Extras 10:55pm 3lbs 11:40pm Film To Be Announced 1:15am To Be Announced 2:05am To Be Announced 2:35am To Be Announced 3:20am Joins BBC News 24 5:00am Cricket World Cup Highlights

6:00am CBeebies:Balamory 6:20am Tweenies 6:40am Big Cook Little Cook 7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:05am To Be Announced 7:30am Smile 10:00am Something for the Weekend 11:30am Film To Be Announced 1:00pm BBC SPORT 4:00pm Masterchef Goes Large 5:00pm Scrum V 5:50pm Wild 6:30pm Film To Be Announced 8:00pm To Be Announced 9:00pm To Be Announced 10:00pm Kombat Opera Presents 10:30pm Match of the Day 2 Apparently this should be renamed ‘Matches of the Day’. Or something.

Don’t care. Still shit.

11:15pm Cricket 11:55pm Graham Norton Uncut Norton’s famous internet sex tape finally get its terrestrial tellybox premiere on BBC2 this evening.

Highlights include circumsision, cleveland steamers and anal prolapsing. An underground hit. 12:40am Rugby 1:05am Family Guy 1:30am Family Guy 1:55am Swimming with Sharks While writing my tellyvision days this week, I was accompanied by TV Marshall. Inbetween sending TV Karl off to buy us sweets and run general errands, I began to proclaim my love for this gem of a Spacey film. TV Marshall, infamous now for being a retard, thought I’d actually swum with sharks.

This is a much better and more interesting snippet of info to put in this section so, yes, I’ve swum with sharks. I nearly lost a leg. I’m a hero in Cornwall. 3:30am Joins BBC News 24

6:00am The Sunday Programme 7:25am House of Mouse 7:50am Totally Spies! 8:15am Yin Yang Yo! 8:30am SpongeBob SquarePants 8:50am Oban Star Racers 9:25am CITV:Mr Bean: The Animated Series 9:35am CITV:Feodor 9:45am CITV:Curious George 9:55am CITV:Pocoyo 10:05am CITV:Jim Jam and Sunny 10:20am CITV:Jim Jam and Sunny 10:30am Soccer Sunday 11:30am The Sunday Edition with Andrew Rawnsley and Andrea Catherwood 12:25pm ITV Wales News and Weather 12:30pm American Idol 1:00pm Film To Be Announced 3:10pm Primeval 4:10pm Dancing on Ice - The Final 5:30pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 6:30pm ITV Wales News and Weather 6:45pm ITV News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wild at Heart 9:00pm To Be Announced 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 10:45pm To Be Announced 11:45pm The Moral of the Story is always save work in the correct files, so not to irritate Ben by acting like a spaz while he’s trying to enjoy his Snickers. With a capital letter. Also.

Don’t aggrevate further by using the word ‘files’. It’s ‘folders’. I hereby tender my resignation as TV Fran.

12:15am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:05am The Hoobs 6:30am Trans World Sport 7:30am Velux 5 Oceans 8:00am World Cup Skiing 9:00am T4:Popworld 9:45am T4:Hollyoaks Omnibus 12:15pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:45pm T4:Musicool featuring music from Backstreet Boys, Mandy Moore, Rolf Harris and Hilary Duff. 1:50pm T4:Beauty and the Geek 2:55pm T4:Beauty and the Geek 3:55pm T4:The OC The countdown is on until the finale of Newport Beach’s favourite gang. Predictions: Julie and Caitlin start their own gang of crack-whores, Sandy waxes his eyebrows off, Marissa comes back from the dead and Newport explodes, rather than implodes. 4:55pm Deal or No Deal 5:40pm Time Team 6:40pm Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 7:40pm Channel 4 News 8:00pm To Be Announced 12:00am To Be Announced 1:00am Donnie Brasco 3:20am Checking Out 5:10am To Be Announced 5:25am Countdown This TV week sure has been an interesting one. TV Karl and TV Marshall got horribly drunk, resulting in BK Whopper vomit and groping of the Gallows frontman. TV Jazz has remained relatively quiet this week, while TV Guy continues his quick quips and raging insults. Next week looks bright; Paul Weller mullets, birthdays and coursework deadlines. Hopefully sans vomit, and lots of shiny module passes. Hooray.

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Sailor Sid 6:45am Bird Bath 6:55am Franklin 7:20am Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:15am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:30am Rupert Bear 8:45am Rupert Bear 9:00am Jane and the Dragon 9:30am Michaela’s Wild Challenge 10:00am Round the Twist 10:30am A Different Life 11:00am Billie, Girl of the Future 11:30am RAD: The Groms Tour the Baltics 12:00pm Rooted 12:35pm Divine Designs 1:05pm five news update 1:10pm To Be Announced 1:40pm To Be Announced 2:45pm The Age of Innocence 5:25pm five news and sport 5:45pm Bicentennial Man 8:00pm Grey’s Anatomy 9:00pm Grey’s Anatomy 10:00pm Film To Be Announced 11:55pm Sunshine Tour Golf 12:45am Sunshine Tour Golf 1:35am Rolex Grand Am 2:25am Motorsport Mundial 2:50am Football Argentina 4:25am Dutch Football Hot topic of discussion between me and TV Marshall this week has been lunchboxes. Instead of buying him a Gallows ticket, I should instead have opted for a suitable lunchbox.

What a waste of 7 quid. Myself and TV Karl on the other hand, are a dab hand at this lunchbox shit. I never had a Thermos though. And boy, the other kids never let me forget it. Children can be ever so cruel.

7:00pm Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Chocolate 8:00pm Film To Be Announced 10:00pm Castaway Exposed The B-movie to accompany the ‘hit’ Hanks film, found in most adult video stores, and stars Hanks in his first full-frontal role. 11:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:00am Torchwood 12:50am To Be Announced 1:20am Castaway Exposed 2:20am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:50am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:20am Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Chocolate In the office, I just heard the phrase “Rock Out With Your Cock Out.”. It has always puzzled me why anybody would want to do this. Lots of sweaty men with their cocks out punching each other in the man tits doesn’t sound like the most appealing way to rock out. I’d rather have a quiet night in with some lemsip and a bit of Radio 2.

7:00pm Metroland 7:50pm Under Night Streets 8:10pm Design Classics 8:35pm Doctor Who 9:00pm Arena: The Tube 10:00pm Underground Ernie Sesame Street for adults. 10:15pm To Be Announced 11:50pm 40 Minutes 12:30am Arena: The Tube 1:30am Are We Having Fun Yet? Not really, no. I’ve spent the last two hours being horrifically insulted by TV Marshal. I’ll be having much more fun when Ben’s sitting here, sweating into his Umbro jacket, eating a dozen Snickers a minute trying to meet his deadline, while I...actually.

Wait! This is my week to exclude Ben from my insults. My sincere apologies.

It’s TV Karl week. At this point, I am sending him an evil glare across the desk, and secretly wanting to test out Ben’s theory that you can kill someone if you hit them over the head a million times with a plastic bottle.

2:30am To Be Announced 3:00am Arena: The Tube

6:00am Ni Ni’s Treehouse 6:25am Fun Song Factory 6:35am Mopatop’s Shop 6:45am Engie Benjy 6:55am Pocoyo 7:15am Fun Song Factory 7:25am The Sunday Programme 8:55am Teleshopping 9:25am Planet’s Funniest Animals 9:40am To Be Announced 10:10am Harry Hill’s TV Burp 10:40am Smallville 11:40am Emmerdale Omnibus 2:25pm To Be Announced 4:05pm Coronation Street Omnibus 6:30pm American Idol 8:30pm American Idol 9:00pm Supernatural 10:00pm To Be Announced 12:00am Coronation Street 12:30am To Be Announced 1:30am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:00am Teleshopping eBay shopping makes me forget all that is wrong with the world, like student overdrafts and autism, and makes me appreciate the good stuff.

6:00am E4 Music Zone 2:00pm Popworld 3:00pm Playing it Straight 4:00pm Friends 4:30pm Friends 5:00pm Switched Up! 6:00pm The OC 7:00pm Scrubs 7:30pm Scrubs 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm ER 10:00pm Desperate Housewives 11:00pm Skins 12:00am My Name Is Earl 12:30am Playing it Straight 1:30am Skins 2:30am My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss 3:30am My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss 4:30am Switched 5:00am Switched 5:30am Switched Who would win in a fight? A lion, or 50 fully grown domestic cats. TV Marshall says the cats. TV Karl says the lion.

This reminds me of the great ninja/astronaut debate. The funny thing is, the two took the former really seriously and have now sparked a massive “Who Would Win?” conversation..50 seagulls against one horse? A blind polar bear with lasers instead of eyes or a polar bear with sharks instead of hands?

6:05am The Hoobs 6:30am Trans World Sport 7:30am Velux 5 Oceans 8:00am World Cup Skiing 8:55am Hollyoaks Omnibus 11:25am Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 12:30pm Yr Wythnos 1:00pm Maniffesto 1:30pm Rownd a Rownd 2:00pm Rownd a Rownd 2:30pm It’s Me or the Dog Crufts Competition Special 3:30pm Time Team Special: Pugin - The God of Gothic 4:30pm Byd o Liw 5:00pm Newyddion 5:05pm Pobol y Cwm Omnibws 7:00pm Codi Canu 8:00pm Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8:30pm Cefn Gwlad 9:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 10:00pm Newyddion 10:15pm Kidnapped 11:50pm Deception 1:45am To Kill a King 3:40am The Insider: Unmarried Parents Scandal Would you rather have soup ladels instead of hands or be made of sponge? Who would win: TV Karl against TV Ben? Ten nuns against four Polish builders? Ross Kemp against 60 koi carp?

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

five 9.00am

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

gairrhydd

37

PROBLEM PAGE

MARCH.12.2007 PROBLEMPAGE@gairrhydd.COM

The de Ville’s Advocate This Week: I’m in a wide open space

Overrrated/ Underrated I’ve taken it upon myself to sift through the minutiae of everyday life and select the very best and worst that the modern world has to offer. Yeah!

Overrated: Keffiyeh Desert, utility, military, whatever. I know not what the hipsters call them. They may offer invaluable protection against the harsh sandstorms which plague our fair city, but they’re well… a bit (for want of a more eloquent description) wank.

No smoke without smoke Dear gair rhydd, It’s been two years since I last smoked a cigarette. For some bizarre reason I have once again picked up the dreadful habit. I think it could have something to do with my impending finals and the lack of self-discipline associated with this stressful period of time. I’ve tried other alternatives such as nicotine gum and Toblerone but nothing beats the wholesome goodness of a meaty fag on a balmy evening.

How am I going to give up? I’d ideally like to kick the compulsion before the ban comes into action. Help.

Dave Dear Dave,

Shaggy is the new sleek. Uncombed is the new swish. Matted is the new smooth.

Greasy is the new shiny. Lice infested is the new glossy. Dishevelled is the new neat. This has absolutely nothing to do with the untimely demise of my highspecification super-straighteners. Nothing WHATSOEVER. I just happen to regard Hagrid as the biggest style icon since George Fornby picked up a Ukulele and strummed his little heart out.

Although you neglected to address your letter to me personally, I feel that this is a timely and important issue so I shall

Hair Straighteners

Underrated:

Hugs

All you emotional retards out there: your days are NUMBERED my frigid friends. I was a previous advocate of personal space but had to abandon my rigid views in favour of an altogether more personable approach to human contact. Only this evening I hugged someone to DEATH. By ‘death’ I mean ‘orgasm’. Ok, that’s a lie too. I’d like to hug Lesley Garratt.

Puddles Puddles are pools of water that form as a result of excessive rainfall, poor plumbing and drainage or public urination. I propose that the humble puddle is shamefully undervalued in a society that holds ease of movement in such high regard. They admittedly cause discomfort when accidentally breached, but there’s a simple solution to this problem: wear suitable footwear. Puddle gem-panning has taken America by storm so it’s only so long before it catches on here. Go and sift through these delightful pools of precipitation – you never know what you might find.

excuse your horrific faux-pas in this exceptional instance.

Excessive tobacco consumption has undoubtedly frazzled your neural receptors and it would be hypocritical of me to ignore your plight.

See, I too suffer from a recurring addiction to a rather pointless plant. It took a hold of me almost immediately after birth, when my father congratulated me on my eventful passage through the birth canal by presenting me with a fine Cuban cigar and an enamelled humidor with my birth date and weight inscribed on a brass plaque.

Further flirtations with the lungnumbing sticks of despair ensued throughout my adolescence, when I spent much time standing behind trees with a cigarillo firmly clamped in my rotten potty teenage gob, shouting obscenities at passing pensioners and pigeons. Cigarettes were THE currency at school. It ensured safe passage through

hostile territories and enabled me to stand next to some of the less acne-riddled, worldlier school stud muffins.

But the times they are a changin’, David. Smoking is no longer a social networking tool.

I’ve been told that it is an antisocial and frankly obscene habit and have to concur with the status quo. It is vile. It’s a bloody darn shame that the government’s attempt to promote the oral implementation of party blowers fell flat on its clown face. I for one would’ve fully embraced the trend.

It’s wise to take up a hobby to replace the time that smoking has previously filled. Take up darts. Swim with dolphins, or whatever they do in Florida.

Please try not to smoke darts or dolphins.

Good luck fagface, Grace xxx

Help me em pleh!

Dear Grace,

I’m exceptionally troubled.

Everywhere I go, I rearrange the letters of words into new, better combinations; be it crisp packets, road signs, subtitles or newspaper headlines. I often do it in the shower while perusing the shower gel and shampoo bottles. Pantene is magically transformed into ‘Neat Pen’, while Head and Shoulders becomes ‘Slashed Roundhead’ in my warped world of anagrams and all round disappointment. I’m even finding it hard to write this letter without scrambling the words into exciting and amusing formations. My essays are going to be hell if I don’t crack this habit once and for all.

Yours syrenlice, Colin, Cultural Criticism.

Dear Col,

I’m perplexed as to why you would describe yourself as “troubled”. Anagrams are the new acronyms. I’ve heard that they’re gonna be MASSIVE this spring/summer so you’d be wise to stay put my lexicon-loving buddy-O. You’ve inspired me to drop my already suspiciously fictional-sounding name and adopt the moniker of ‘Large Erect She-Devil’* It’s got a better ring to it, as we say in the telecommunications industry.

AND… are you wholeheartedly positive that your compulsion for wordplay has nothing to do with a fixation with Countdown and Carol Vorderman in particular? I have several gentlemen friends who have never quite got over the shock of seeing Carol emerge from her frumpy cocoon as a sudoku-solving sex strumpet. They were deeply traumatised by the transformation from homely maternal consonant/ vowel selector to the thinking

person’s wet dream. It all felt a little incestuous, like wanking over a picture of their aunt.

Some of these young men have even been prescribed Valium to relieve them of their impure thoughts. Rumours that Whitely was a victim of Vorderman’s radical transformation have been widely disregarded, but it’s an interesting conspiracy theory.

Was Caz in cahoots with Des? Hmm...

Grace xxx *There may be prizes for those who correctly identify my middle name from this anagram. The prizes range from: £100, 000 tax-free cash sum, family holidays to a luxury Devon resort, fridge freezers, widescreen televisions, MP3 players, keyfobs, pencil sharpeners , budget dog treats, parma violets, kidney beans and broken biscuits.

This week Piers Morgan told me (via the medium of documentary) that there are more CCTV cameras in Basingstoke than in the entirety of New York City. Note to self: If one ever wishes to commit a crime, Basingstoke is not the best of places to go. Peace x

38 gairrhydd

FIVE MINUTE FUN SUDOKU 5

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ACROSS 1 South coast resort (6,5) 8 Humble (6) 10 Increase threefold (6) 12 Savage killing (9) 14 Have a wager (3) 15 Male cat (3) 16 Make cold (5) 17 Part of a relay race (3) 19 Twenty cwt (3) 20 Travelplan (9) 21 Motor (6) 23 Indicate (6) 24 Advised (11)

Feeling a bit down? Stressed out by lectures?

Poor, hungry and living on the streets of Africa?

Last week we had Jesus in to give hope, this week, the lead singer of ‘The Boomtown Rats’. Brilliant.

I feel better already

Exhibit no. 101 I don’t like mondays

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nnys

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HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU: Put your left leg in. Pull your left leg out. In Out. In Out. Shake it all about. Do the hokey kokey and turn around bright eyes. Every now and then I fall apart. And I need you more than ever, and we only be making it right, peanuts.

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FMF@gairrhydd.COM

the hall of shame 6 6 6 7 6 7 6 7 8 7 0 R E B M U NEW TEXT N

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DOWN 2 Most senior (6) 3 Normally (3) 4 Decay (3) 5 Bring in from another country (6) 6 Car security device (11) 7 British Houses of Parliament (11) 9 Supporting pole (9) 11 Strike back (9) 13 Complain (5) 18 Laugh nervously (6) 19 Old Northern Ireland county (6) 22 Diseased tree? (3) 23 Expire (3)

pay

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GRAB!

MARCH.12.2007 COMPETITIONS@gairrhydd.COM

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

Footloose and fancy-free

F

eeling Footloose and fancyfree? Have you got a spring in your step as the sun appears and summer looms?

Then how about hot-footing it down to the Wales Millennium Centre for the opening night of the retro-classic Footloose.

This brilliant and timeless musical that Wales could just not get enough of is back by popular demand after opening its UK tour to sell-out crowds at Wales Millennium Centre in 2006. Based on the 1980s movie, Footloose tells the story of city boy Ren. Forced to move to a small town that has banned dancing, Ren decides that he has to break loose, and takes the rest of the town with him.

Based on the screen hit which took the world by storm with its

youthful spirit, dazzling dance and electrifying music, Footloose was also responsible for introducing a very young looking Kevin Bacon, John Lithgow and Sarah Jessica Parker to Hollywood.

Featuring a dynamic young cast, this funpacked show is full of show stopping hits and dances, and serves us some classic 80’s anthems.

The show is packed with exhilarating dancing, the hottest talent around and classic 80’s hits including ‘Holding Out For A Hero’, ‘Almost Paradise’, ‘Let’s Hear It For The Boy’ and the title track ‘Footloose’. So don your legwarmers and get over to Wales Millennium Centre for some footloose moves.

The show lands at WMC on

March 26 and runs until April 7. To book tickets ring 08700 40 2000 or go online to wmc.org.uk.

Wales Millennium Centre is excited to be welcoming back Footloose and to celebrate we’re giving one lucky reader the chance to win four tickets to see the show on opening night 26 March, 2007. For a chance to win, just email your answer and your address to the address at the top of the page: Following Footloose the movie, John Lithgow went on to star in which hit American comedy?

A. Frasier B. Seinfield C. Third Rock From The Sun

Adrenalin junkies only need apply

A

drenalin Week lands at Alton Towers on March 17 for one week only. It promises that everyone will get onto Alton Towers most intense rides; Rita Queen of Speed, Nemesis, Oblivion and Air at least three times, so no excuses!

To mark the return of Adrenalin Week, Alton Towers is on the look out for the brave, bold and downright crazy to step up and take part in a challenge to find the ultimate Adrenalin Junkie.

This competition is for those mad enough to attempt all four of Alton Towers’ most extreme rides up to ten times. The person who has been on the most rides by the end of the week will win a lifetime pass to Alton Towers – something that has never been offered before.

“This challenge is the first of its kind for a UK theme park”, says Becky Farrer, Marketing Manager for the Park. “The benefits of coming at this time of year are fantastic – it’s pre-school holidays and pre-Easter so we are appealing to our student audience who love the thrill of a challenge! If we fail in our promise then guests can claim a free ticket to come back again.”

You could even make a bit of a holiday out of it and stay over at one of the two on-site hotels. Prices start from just £33.50 pppn, based on four sharing a family room. Book online at www.altontowers.com and take advantage of the 5% online discount. Adult Adrenalin Week tickets are also available online for just £20.

To celebrate the launch of Adrenalin Junkie Challenge and Adrenalin Week, Alton Towers are offering readers the chance to win three pairs of tickets to the park. To enter answer this simple question: What is the name of the newest and fastest ride at Alton Towers; A) Dawn B) Rita Queen of Speed C) Marguerite Terms and Conditions apply see web for details

The MySpace Generation

M

ySpace is promoting new talent by taking some of the best emerging artists to the stage on Saturday with the MySpace Bleep Bleep Tour. The tour will showcase four new bands at ten cities nationwide, and follows the success of the MyFestival line up which visited five cities last summer.

The tour will feature some of the most innovative and exciting bands exploding on to the scene: Pull Tiger Tail, Ali Love, Hadouken! and I Say Marvin. Tickets are on sale now and are available on the 24 hour booking line 0871 230 4422 or online at www.aeglive.co.uk or www.myspace.com/liveintheuk. You can also get them from the box office for £8. Or keep reading and maybe we can do you a deal.

To celebrate the event, I’m going to give you a little run down of what you can expect from the night.

Pull Tiger Tail have been attracting attention with their single “Mr 100 Percent” and are building up a huge onsite following. Signed to B-Unique, the label that founded the Kaiser Chiefs, Ordinary Boys and The Automatic, Pull Tiger Tail are set to become this year's biggest indie commercial breakthrough band.

Those who are particularly interested in finding out about these roaring felines should visit www.myspace.com/pulltigertail to find out more.

Ali Love is 25 years old, and writes, plays and produces all of his songs. Living and working out of East London, Love's songs are soaked in wry observations about the world of lost weekends, dodgy after-hour’s drinking dens and even dodgier one night stands that he sees happening all around him, interpreted through a musical palette that’s one part Neptunes to two parts disco funk Chic. His Debut single K-Hole has become a cult phenomenon. “Unfeasibly catchy glam-punk extravaganza about a night spent on horse tranquilizers which culminated with Ali naked in a bin – respect!” NME (NME Single of the week 11/7/06) Ali is currently holed up in the studio recording his debut album for Columbia Records. www.myspace.com/mralilove Hadouken! are MySpace networkers extraordinaire. With more than 13,000 friends on site and two clenched fistfuls of must-see live shows, they are the talk of A&R meetings and continue to elude the hungry chequebooks.

They have catapulted onto the scene with their first single entitled “That Boy That Girl”, which dresses down East London fashionistas to the sound of hell-bent guitars searing over a drum and bass beat. The Leeds based garage band will storm the stage in their home town and also in Liverpool. They can be found onsite at www.myspace.com/hadoukenuk Support at all other venues will come from indie disco darlings I Say Marvin, who have recently relocated from their Cornish hometown to take on the Brighton scene. Their irresistibly catchy power pop is sure to win over the crowds, and they can be sampled at www.myspace.com/isaymarvin.

The MySpace Bleep Bleep tour will include more than just a set of live gigs. Fans will be encouraged to post their images, videos, and reviews of the nights on site at www.myspace.com/liveintheuk to create a virtual mirage as the tour progresses.

To be in with a chance of winning some tickets for the gig, just email me asap at the usual address. Bear in mind that the gig is this Saturday and so you’ll have to be both quick and available.

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

40 gairrhydd

LISTINGS

MARCH.12.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

This Week: detective fun with The Unexpected Guest; Welsh drama from Sgript Cymru - Ac

The Unexpected Guest @ New Theatre Mon - Sat 12 - 17 March

7.30pm/£8.50-£25 Listings Editor Rosaria Sgueglia recommends

T

his week, the New Theatre promises to bring you an amazing show. Are you looking for suspense, intrigue and surprise? Well, luckily for you The Unexpected Guest is here.

Based on Agatha Christie’s book of the same name, the show confirms the professionalism of the Agatha Christie Theatre Company, formed in 2005 through a partnership between Christie’s estate and West End producer Bill Kenwright.

The Unexpected Guest tells the story of Fog, a stranger in a lonely street who finds refuge in a big house - which happens to be the scene of a murder. A man has been killed by his wife, who confesses

her actions to the stranger, the unexpected guest. Curiously, without asking too many questions, the guest decides to provide her with an alibi, but why?

The situation becomes more complicated when unidentified fingerprints are found on the crime scene.

The cast of this show is great, featuring well-known actors such as Simon MacCorkindale, who performed the murder in Death on the Nile, another Agatha Christie tale, and he is also known for his film Riddle of the Sands and the TV series Falcon Crest. Other cast members are Virginia Stride and Dean Gaffney from EastEnders, diversifying from his previous role.

Make sure you don’t miss this fabulous show, and if you are an Agatha Christie fan then don’t miss the other productions from the Agatha Christie company, like Spider’s Web, scheduled for 2008, and Black Coffee.

Enjoy it my little detectives.

Sgript Cymr u Acqua Nero @ Chapter Arts Centre

Mon - Sat 12 - 17 March

8pm/£8

OK, so it’s a bit of a blatant plug for our Local Mixtape event, but what the hell - it’s going to be an awesome night.

"It's a diverse line-up with one thing in common between the bands playing in that they're all ace, all great live, and the whole Mixtape night should be brilliant. In a way it's a snap shot of what's happening in the vibrant scene in Cardiff” Radio One’s Huw Stephens on Quench’s Local Mixtape

Coming Up Damien Rice

Listings Editor Jenna Harris recommends

W

elsh contemporary drama is undergoing a renaissance, led by the work of Wales’ national contemporary drama company, Sgript Cymru, which acts to discover and nurture new Welsh writing talent.

One such alumni is Meredydd Barker, writer of the company’s latest production Acqua Nero. His piece juxtaposes a modern-age Wales with events in World War II, the two eras connected by the protagonists from both periods sharing the same name -Dario Murazzo.

The past Dario is a PoW desiring to escape during the final few moments of the war, while present Dario is an old man attempting to keep alarming secrets of his past from his family. This act of hiding appears to be a much greater task than the present Dario is capable of, and the play takes on an interogative tone that causes truths, untruths and the question of falsely constructed identities to be laid bare.

Acqua Nero is a production that has been rated by numerous critics, from Elisabeth Mahoney of The Guardian describing it as "an immensely powerful, ambitious family drama packed full of lies, self-deceit and secrets bubbling away toxically just beneath the surface", to Metro stating that, "Mike Hayward gives a fantastic performance in the lead, supported by a commendable cast".

Featuring a host of prominant Welsh actors, from the aforementioned Hayward, whose acting experience includes Cornonation Street and Little Britian, to exCasualty actor Simon Nehan, Acqua Nero is a an example of a homegrown production that uses Welsh resources to its advantage.

Barker, who was born in Haverfordwest in 1969, got his first break after Will James, literary manager of Clwyd Theatr Cymru, saw his first play The Rabbit being read through by actors, and passed it on to his company’s director Terry Hands. The Rabbit was put on at the Emlyn Williams theatre in 2001 and was followed by Barker’s Welsh-language play Buzz two years later. Now, Acqua Nero is Barker’s latest English-language play, and Sgript Cymru’s Artistic Director Simon Harris believes that it marks a coming-of-age for the art school graduate. He says: “Meredydd is an exciting talent...

In my view, it (Acqua Nero) is an ambitious and penetrating piece of work that marks him out as one of Wales’s most intelligent and skilful dramatists.”

Sgript Cymru now plays an important part in cultivating Welsh drama, but it was formed just seven years ago out of Welsh-language company Dalier Sylw. Its funding mostly comes from the Arts Council of Wales to help it maintain its role as developer of theatre in both Welsh and English. It looks likely that it will have a great contribution to Welsh theatre over the coming years.

20 March @ Sherman Theatre...Moll Flanders - 22 March @ The Sherman Theatre...My Chemical Romance - 25 March @ CIA...Kelly Jones - 25 March @ Coal Exchange...The Horrors - 30 March @ Barfly...Lemar - 30 March @ CIA...Incubus - 2 April @ CIA...Sugababes - 6 April @ CIA...Dopamine - 12 April @ Barfly...Deep Purple/Styx/Thin Lizzy @ CIA...Manic Street Preachers - 11/12 May @ SU...Girls Aloud - 23 May @ CIA...The Who - 1 June @ Swansea...Damien Rice - 12 Oct @ CIA...

gairrhydd 41

LISTINGS

MARCH.12.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

cqua Nero and Quench’s 50th birthday

Monday

12/03

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU Cardiff’s own alternative music night. Also features DJing by Oddsoc and bands put on

by LMS in the live music room. 10pm - 2am.

Free entry with NUS. £3 otherwise.

The Jazz Attic @ Cafe Jaz An opportunity for wannabe jazz musicians to jam with the house jazz trio. All instruments and singers are welcome. £2/£1 if you perform. Arrive early.

Miss Of The Day The X Factor Live 2007 @ CIA Expensive karoke night from those well groomed show ponies at ITV’s studios.

Expect ‘the talented one’ (Leona), ‘the Brookside one’ (Ray - why was he even on this show when he was once ‘famous’ anyway and could’ve got a record deal from that?) and the others. Most of the rest Listings can’t remember, and we were saddos who watched it most weeks. Oh dear.

Save your pennies for a day at the races or several trips to Metros. 7.30pm. £25.

The Lives of the Saints @ Chapter Arts Centre Magical realist fable from London photographer Rankin and co-director Chris Cottam.

Set in Tottenham’s criminal underworld, protagonist Roadrunner meets a strange child who is able to grant people’s wishes, but things soon go very wrong. 6.30pm. £5.10.

Tuesday 13/03 Planet Rock @ Clwb Ifor Bach Revamped rock night that promises “familiar classics from the fields of metal, hard rock and goth.” 9pm - 2pm. £3.

The Strange Death of Liberal England @ Barfly Portsmouth’s The Strange Death Of Liberal England are an experimental five-piece leaning towards the lo-fi sound. The Fly says, “The skill and diversity of instrumentation is brilliant - a breath of fresh air in these times of samey guitar bands”. Support comes from Mea and Unsung. 7.30pm. £5/£4 flyer.

Bedouin Soundclash @ SU Apparently, Bedouin Soundclash “blur the lines of reggae and rock” (ents24.com).

Singer Jay Malinowski is described as soulful and wailing, while guitarist Pat Pengelly creates a ‘heavy’ rhythm. 7.30pm. £11.

Music With Taste - Lunchtime Concert: Jane Watts @ St David’s Hall A programme of organ works by JS Bach, Guilmant, Widor, Bonnet and WT Best.

Concert organist Jane Watts performs internationally and has appeared with orchestras including the London Philharmonic and the BBC National Orchestra of Wales. 1pm. £5.50.

Forecast @ Buffalo Bar DJ fun. 8pm until 3am. Free.

Wednesday 14/03

Rubber Duck @ Solus, SU Clubbing for jocks and pretend jocks. 10pm. £3.

Without Due Haste / As Silence Falls / 12 Gauge Alliance / 32-A @ Barfly Without Due Haste are due to release a new EP. As Silence Falls are signed to Sugar Shack Records Ltd and released a self-titled EP this January and were hotly tipped by Kerrang! magazine. 32-A independently released their EP Haven For The Lost and are developing a growing fanbase in South Wales. Their sound mixes metal with keyboards and sound effects, presumably a better combination than it sounds on paper. 12 Gauge Alliance are a metal group from the Rhondda who have appeared on a Metal Hammer CD and played with Skindred. They will tour with Syconaut in April. 7.30pm. £3/£2 NUS. Pick Of The Day Brendan Croker & Steve Phillips Roots Unearthed @ St David’s Hall Blues night featuring Steve Phillips, who has been lauded as Europe's finest acoustic blues guitarist. A member of the Notting Hillbillies, he has also played with Eric Clapton and Mark Knopfler among others. Now playing with his band The Rough Diamonds. Fact: His guitar is on the album cover of Dire Straits’ Brothers in Arms. The concert also features singer and guitarist Brendan Croker, founder of the 5 o'clock Shadows. He mixes folk, blues and country techniques to produce his signature musical style. 8pm. £12.

Pick Of The Day Celebrating Women @ Gate Arts Centre To mark International Women's Day 2007, the Women's Arts Association will be holding an open exhibition from 12th March 14th April. It will feature forty different artists exhibiting work in a range of artistic styles. For information about opening times, email the Gate Arts Centre at boxoffice@thegate.org.uk or ring 029 2048 3344.

Pick Of The Day Bromheads Jacket / The Yell / New Black Light Machine @ Clwb Ifor Bach Sheffield’s Bromheads Jacket are another one of those hotly tipped bands.

Consisting of Tim Hampton as singer, Jono West as bassist and Dan Potter as drummer, the trio have been compared to the Artic Monkeys. They will be playing tunes from their album Dits from the Commuter Belt. Support band number one The Yell have described themselves as sounding like a party. What a lovely note to finish the day off with. 8pm. £7.

Friday 16/03

Saturday 17/03

Sunday 18/03

Access all Areas @ Solus SU New Look Friday...Another Union event, another way to make people drunk. Promises the best alternative music and beats for you to boogie to. 10pm - 2am. £3.50 / £3 adv.

Come Play @ Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room. Traffic (DJ and clubbing society) playing house music in the other. 10pm. £3.50.

Fly Swatter @ Barfly Indie party fest that mixes up the best music with the even better. Surprisingly, it’s nothing to do with fly swatters. 10.30pm. £5 NUS. Brian Ferry @ St David’s Hall Bryan Ferry is a long-lasting British musician who’s still got plenty of give left in him yet. In 2000 he reunited with Roxy Music for a tour, but now he’s back to being solo with his album Frantic. 7.30pm. Sold out.

Open Mike (Upstairs) @ Buffalo Bar An intimate and relaxed atmosphere where you can experience live acoustic acts, songwriters and performers, as well as participating yourself if you so desire, and share your musical talent with the rest of the world (OK, a small part of Cardiff). 8pm - 3am. £1.

The Hop @ Buffalo Bar The resident DJs present 50s night: rock ‘n’ roll, jive, rockabilly and psychobilly. 8pm 3am. Free.

On The Edge: Strindberg Knew My Father / Miss Julie @ Chapter Arts Centre More rehearsed readings of plays from Michael Kelligan's Now You're Talking season. This week, work by Mark Jenkins and August Strindberg. 8pm. £3.

Pick Of The Day RAG @ Union Red Nose Day spectacular today from the RAGgers. During the day they will hold a huge cake sale in the Union reception and sell red noses. They are anticipating having squilions, but if people want to donate cakes then they would be welcome to.

They will be there from 10am-4pm. The second event involves Access All Areas, where people will be encouraged to dress up in the colour red. They will also be selling sweets and red noses in the club.

The Dudes Abide @ Clwb Ifor Bach Music for those who love music. An indie and retro night that takes in the heady landscape created by the likes of Hendrix and Dusty Springfield. 10.pm – 2.30am. £3.50 / £4.

Mad4It! @ Barfly DJ Mike TV comperes an indietastic night of your favourite alternative music, ranging from the Strokes to the Smiths to absolutely everything in between. 10.30pm - 2am. £5.

Martin Davis, Eddy Brimson, Andy Askins, Brian Higgins @ Jongleurs Comedy Club Dark humour from Askins and general mania from the very energetic Davis. Also features new comedian Brimson and Scottish comedian Higgins, who interestingly used to work as a paramedic. Will be intriguing to see how this plays out in his comedy. To book tickets visit www.jongleurs.com or call 0870 787 0707. 8pm. £10, includes free entry to Risa.

GrimSoc Present: Acid Tongue / Oakweb / Skinflick @ Clwb Ifor Bach Industrial and hard rock night organised by Cardiff’s GrimSoc. Skinflick are a duo fusing different rock styles. 8pm. £4.

Pick Of The Day Xanthe Jones recommends The Myspace Bleep Bleep Tour: Pull Tiger Tail / Ali Love / I Say Marvin @ SU Pull Tiger Tail have been attracting attention with their single Mr 100 Percent and are building up a huge MySpace following.

Signed to B-Unique, they are set to become this year’s biggest indie commercial breakthrough band.

Visit www.myspace.com/pulltigertail to find out more. Ali Love is a 25-year-old singer/songwriter. His songs are soaked in wry observations of the world of lost weekends anddodgy after hours drinking dens, interpreted through a musical palette that’s one part Neptunes to two parts the disco funk of Chic. His Debut single K-Hole has become a cult phenomenon and he is currently recording his debut album for Columbia Records.

Visit www.myspace.com/mralilove for information. Support will come from indie disco darlings I Say Marvin, who have recently relocated from their Cornish hometown to take on the Brighton scene. Their irresistibly catchy power pop is sure to win over the crowds, and they can be sampled at www.myspace.com/isaymarvin. 7pm. £8.

Venus @ Chapter Arts Centre Oscar-nominated British film. 6.15pm. £5.10.

Afternoon Performance: BBC National Orchestra Of Wales: Cedric Tiberghien @ St David’s Hall Concert to be broadcast live on Radio 3 of Beethoven's Piano Concerto No 4 among other pieces. 2pm. £7.50.

Pick Of The Day Assembly: Krisdy Shindler @ Chapter Arts Centre Exhibition featuring the work of Krisdy Shindler, a Canadian artist who has exhibited in Israel, Denmark, Germany and the US amongst other places. Currently based in Glasgow, she graduated with a Masters of Fine Arts from Glasgow School of Art last year. Shindler’s work explores the properties of light in image, the definition of landscape through the visual and the moving image through animations. She achieves this by using paintboxes, animations and lightboxes. 12 – 10.30pm. Free.

China Blue @ Chapter Arts Centre A cin ematic investigation into the reality of where our jeans come from. Filmed in secret, protagonist Jasmine, just 16-years-old, works fourteen hours a day and has had to leave her country-based family behind in order to get work. A brutal reminder that when we buy jeans, we aren’t the ones who are really paying for them. There will be an optional Fair Trade discussion after the screening. 8pm. £5.10.

Thursday 15/03 Pick Of The Day RAG @ Bounce, Walkabout Cardiff’s RAG will be fundraising at the cheesier-than-mouldy stilton student night, Bounce, held in Walkabout. The night will most probably include on stage antics and crowd participation. 9pm-3am. £1 NUS before 10pm, £2 NUS after.

Cardiff Student Jazz Society presents: A Night of Comedy and Jazz @ Talybont Social.

A comedy and jazz night featuring the Cardiff University Big Band and comedian Lloyd Langford, with all proceeds going to Comic Relief. 7.30pm. £3.

The Dykeenies / Red Light Go / echolounge @ Barfly Express Radio endorsed Scottish funsters.

See the preview on the opposite page.

7.30pm. £5.

Kruger Presents: Redcarsgofaster / Heck @ Clwb Ifor Bach Cardiff’s indie music magazine staple Kruger comperes a night of specially selected music. They start with Redcarsgofaster, who give you indie injected with a shot of disco that has the power to induce audiences into walls of pure excitement. They may still be small but they are leaving large footprints.

One review, in Joy Zine, has stated that “people are shaking their heads in disbelief; looking at each other the way couples do after the birth of their first child. After that veritable musical maelstrom, Heck. 8pm. £5.

Thea Gilmore @ The Point Gilmore has been going since releasing debut Burning Dorothy in 1998 on her own label, Shameless Records, at the youthful age of 18. Four years and a number of albums later, she is back with latest release Harpo’s Ghost, which spawned the 2006 single Cheap Tricks. Catch an underrated performer. 7.30pm. £10.

VENUES

Students’ Union, Park Place 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Moloko, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

42 gairrhydd

SPORT

MARCH.12.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Deloitte IMG Breakfast

Tomos Pritchard IMG Reporter

IMG Football: Premiership Gym Gym 4 - 1 Zoology GYM GYM rose to second in the Premiership with an impressive victory over title-rivals Zoology.

After successfully defeating the much-fancied AFC History and Zoology, Gym Gym have undoubtedly emerged as serious title contenders this week.

And this win could be a good omen for Gym Gym, who defeated Zoology last season on their way to securing the Division One title.

But with five games left, the other challengers still have plenty of time to turn their fortunes around.

Both teams were aware of the magnitude of this game and there was a real determination by both outfits to grab the spoils.

Despite the nervous tension in the air, both teams endeavoured to play their attractive style of football. And the vocal supporters on both touchlines were treated to a fluid, attacking game.

Following bright starts from both teams, Gym Gym took the lead midway through the first half. In what proved to be a devastating counterattack, a pinpoint Matthew Phillips cross found Tomos Pritchard who calmly tucked the ball home with a side-foot volley.

And Gym Gym subsequently doubled their lead. When the ball broke to Phillips in the box, a composed first touch was shortly followed by a superb strike which found the bottom corner.

Astonishingly, Phillips used his weaker right foot to score the goal.

However, Zoology showed great character and continued to play their ‘passing and moving’ game. And their persistence was soon rewarded on the stroke of half-time when they reduced the deficit to 2-1.

Ben Jones unleashed an unstoppable effort from 25 yards which found the net after taking a slight delection off the bar.

As expected, Zoology were in a buoyant mood at the start of the second half. Yet the Gym Gym defence played admirably with Mathew Kinchin acting as a calming influence at the back.

With Zoology pressing for an equaliser, the game became even more stretched. However, Gym Gym exploited this space effectively as Phillips added his second on the hour.

On this occasion, Phillips used his reliable left foot to fire home a low and powerful shot past the Zoology goalkeeper.

But the Zoology goalkeeper soon made amends with a fantastic penalty save to deny Eifion Roberts from scoring a fourth Gym Gym goal.

However, Roberts had the last laugh when he subsequently beat the Zoology goalkeeper from a long-range free-kick. And Gym Gym saw out the remaining ten minutes to claim a deserved victory.

Although Gym Gym have now scored eight goals in their last two games, CARBS currently top the Premiership on virtue of goal difference.

However, the deadlock between the teams could be broken at the weekend when Gym Gym and CARBS play against one another.

Meanwhile, Zoology have slipped to fifth position. They will be hoping to bounce back with a win against Thunderkatz on Sunday.

menon on the match FOOTBALL NUMBER OF GOALS: 63 goals, 3.9375 goals per game WHIPPING BOYS: Thunderkatz conceded 6 goals SURPRISE PACKAGE: Pharm AC get this award for beating Chem Soc 2-1. A slight surprise.

EPIC GAME: Esplanyol v Uni Hallstars and Park Rangers v Japsoc were even matches CONSISTENT PERFORMERS: CARBS, Gym Gym, Engin, Law A, Law B, Arse’Alona, Economics and TWNN TEAM OF THE WEEK: Gym Gym get the gong for defeating Zoology in true style. Gym Gym are in excellent form and deserve credit.

IMG Football Results Wed 7 Mar

AFC History CARBS Gym Gym Engin

6 4 4 3

-

2 1 1 0

NETBALL NUMBER OF GOALS: 129 goals, 21.5 goals per game GOLDEN GIRLS: IWC A scored 24 against Automotive SURPRISE PACKAGE: SAWSA secured a minor upset against CARBS B, who finished above them EPIC GAME: Dynamo Tigers v Economics B lived up to all expectations. A close match.

CONSISTENT PERFORMERS: I suppose Dynamo Tigers retained their consistency after losing last week TEAM OF THE WEEK: Dynamo Tigers deserve this award because they showed guts to get sweet revenge over their title rivals.

IMG Football Fixtures Sun 11 Mar

IMG Football: Division 2 Economics 1 - 0 Real Ale ECONOMICS continued their revival with a hard-fought victory over newcomers Real Ale Madrid.

After losing five consecutive games at one stage in the first phase, Economics are now putting togther a positive run of results in Division Two. Following this latest victory, Economics have risen to the top of Division Two. Moreover, they are now the only Division Two side with a 100% record.

Economics started the game with a high level of possession and their midfield was dominant.

With the game being played almost entirely in the Real Ale Madrid half for the first 20 minutes, Economics didn’t look like scoring.

The Real Ale back line regularly broke down the play around their own penalty area and deserve credit for their resilience.

Coping with this sustained pressure well, Real Ale Madrid were looking to catch Economics out on the break.

The best chance of the first half fell to a Real Ale Madrid striker, whose determination enabled him to take the ball past the Economics keeper. However, his shot was cleared off the line by Economics right back James Davies.

The second half started in the

Wed 14 Mar

Thunderkatz AFC Cathays Zoology Momed

v v v v

Engin Gym Gym CARBS AFC History

v v v v

Butthead FC Pharm AC Chem Soc H. Dragons

Butthead FC Pharm AC Law A Law B

v v v v

Chem Soc H. Dragons Boca Seniors Arse’Alona

v v v v

J-Unit Psycho Ath. C. Crusaders Inter Me-Nan

J-Unit Psycho Ath. Socsi Real Ale

v v v v

C. Crusaders Inter Me-Nan Economics JOMEC

2 4 4 2

Butthead FC Law B Law A Pharm AC

JOMEC Economics Inter Me-Nan C. Crusaders

1 1 1 0

-

1 0 2 0

J-Unit Real Ale Socsi Psycho Ath.

Socsi Real Ale JOMEC Economics

Uni Hallstars TWNN Japsoc English Soc

Japsoc TWNN Esplanyol Myg Myg

v v v v

Uni Hallstars English Soc Euros Park Rangers

same vein as the first. But as time went on, Real Ale Madrid were slowly starting to get back into the game. They soon became more competitive in midfield.

In response, Economics peppered the Real Ale Madrid goal with a series of long range efforts.

But many of them were speculative, and could not be regarded as clearcut opportunities.

However, Economics finally broke the deadlock in the 63rd minute. Striker David Weston struck a sensational 30-yard strike which looped over the Real Ale goalkeeper’s head before finding the net.

The most controversial point of the match came in the 72nd minute when the referee appeared to give a penalty to Real Ale Madrid. But no such decision was made.

With half of the players continuing with the game and the other half confused as to what was happening, Real Ale keeper, Craig Alliss, pulled off a magnificent save to deny David Jones’ effort on the counter-attack.

Yet Real Ale responded well and began to dominate in the final five minutes. While they pushed bodies forward in an attempt to secure something from the game, Economics were forced to defend.

As Economics struggled to cope with the added pressure, Real Ale Madrid began to look increasingly dangerous.

But in the end, Economics relied on some scrappy defending to hold their nerve and claim all three points. On Sunday the league leaders face Inter Me-Nan.

IMG Football Fixtures

Thunderkatz AFC Cathays Engin Gym Gym

-

3 1 3 4

Mark Legge IMG Reporter

v v v v

3 1 1 1

-

Economics grab vital win

Zoology MOMED AFC History CARBS

Arse’Alona B. Seniors H. Dragons Chem Soc

3 0 3 2

CHALLENGE: For the ball

Thunderkatz MOMED Zoology AFC Cathays

Law A Law B Arse’Alona Boca Seniors

Esplanyol Myg Myg P. Rangers Euros

PHOTO: Adam Gasson

Zoology stunned by superb Gym Gym

Uni Hallstars English Soc Japsoc TWNN

v v v v

Euros Park Rangers Myg Myg Esplanyol

IMG Netball Results Wed 7 Mar Automotive 2 CARBS B 8 Law B 10 English B 3 Gym Gym 5 D. Tigers 12 Locomotive N Medics N

-

24 IWC A 15 SAWSA 6 IWC B 21 Socsi B 12 Pharm B 11 Econ B N English B N Optometry

Please note: For full details of the IMG Netball Cup Round 2 Draw, please see the IMG Coordinator, Alex McIntosh.

Football Tables IMG Football

Premiership P

W

D

L

Diff

1

CARBS

2

2

0

0

7

6

2

Gym Gym

2

2

0

0

5

6

3

Engin

2

2

0

0

5

6

4

AFC History

2

1

0

1

2

3

5

Zoology

2

0

0

1

1

3

6

MOMED

2

0

0

2

-5

0

7

AFC Cathays

2

0

0

2

-7

0

8

Thunderkatz

2

0

0

2

-8

0

P

W

IMG Football

Pts

Division One D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Law A

2

2

0

0

5

6

2

Law B

2

2

0

0

4

6

3

Arse’Alona

2

2

0

0

3

6

4

Pharm AC

2

1

0

1

-1

3

5

Boca Seniors

2

1

0

1

-1

3

6

Chem Soc

2

0

0

2

-2

0

7

Butthead FC

2

0

0

2

-3

0

8

H. Dragons

2

0

0

2

-5

0

P

W

IMG Football

Division Two D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Economics

2

2

0

0

3

6

2

Psycho Ath.

2

1

1

0

3

4

3

C. Crusaders

2

1

1

0

2

4

4

JOMEC

2

1

1

0

1

4

5

Socsi

2

1

0

1

-2

3

6

J-Unit

2

0

1

1

-2

1

7

Inter Me-Nan

2

0

0

2

-2

0

8

Real Ale Madrid

2

0

0

2

-3

0

P

W

IMG Football

Division Three D

L

Diff

Pts

1

TWNN

2

2

0

0

7

6

2

Japsoc

2

1

1

0

4

4

3

English Soc

2

1

0

1

-2

3

4

Esplanyol

2

0

2

0

0

2

5

P. Rangers

2

0

2

0

0

2

6

Uni Hallstars

2

0

2

0

0

2

7

Myg Myg

2

0

1

1

-1

1

8

Euros

2

0

0

2

-8

0

* Team has been deducted 1 point

Netball Tables IMG Netball

Premiership P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Law A

7

6

1

0

55

19

2

Cardiff A

7

5

0

2

28

15

3

Economics A

7

5

0

2

7

15

4

CARBS A

7

3

2

2

3

11

5

Cardiff B

7

3

0

4

-33

9

6

Socsi A

7

2

1

4

-13

7

7

Christian Union

7

1

0

6

-19

3

8

Pharmacy A

7

1

0

6

-28

3

P

W

IMG Netball

Division One D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Economics B

7

6

0

1

36

18

2

Dynamo Tigers

7

6

0

1

21

18

3

CARBS B

7

4

0

2

8

12

4

SAWSA

7

3

1

3

22

10

5

MEDICS

7

3

0

3

-3

9

6

Locomotive

7

2

2

3

3

8

7

Law B

7

1

0

6

-33

3

8

Socsi B

7

0

1

6

-54

1

P

W

IMG Netball

Division Two D

L

Diff

Pts

1

English A

7

5

2

0

52

17

2

IWC A

7

5

0

2

34

15

3

Pharmacy B

7

4

1

2

36

13

4

IWC B

7

4

0

3

20

12

5

Gym Gym

7

2

1

4

1

7

6

English B

7

2

0

5

-10

6

7

Optometry

7

2

0

5

-32

6

8

Automotive

7

1

0

6

-101

3

gairrhydd

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MARCH.12.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

English Deloitte IMG Breakfast boss Engin fill their tank with a win Euros Engin 3 - 0 AFC Cathays

IIMG Rugby For any information about IMG Rugby, please see Martyn Fowler.

Please note: The league table below might be inaccurate. Please email us any results which you think are missing.

Thank you.

CHAMPIONS Engin continued their excellent form with a 3-0 victory over AFC Cathays.

Engin maintained their 100% Premiership record without too many problems, and they now lie in third position, despite having the same number of points as CARBS and Gym Gym. With first-choice strikers Richard Veale and Tom Firth missing, it was left to the Udoh brothers, Micah and Joel, to lead the Engin front-line.

After 25 minutes of constant Engin

IMG Rugby

pressure, Joel slotted a beautiful pass through to Micah who placed the ball firmly in the top right hand corner.

Shortly afterwwards, Engin midfielder Ian Amos was then desperately unlucky not to double their lead. His superb, goal-bound volley somehow landed in a deep puddle inches away from the goal-line.

AFC Cathays improved after the interval but they were kept at bay by the strong Engin defence, led by the impressive Ben Guilbert.

But Engin were soon forced into tactical changes in an attempt to find a second goal. Rob McWilliams entered the fray and he made an immediate

8/3/07 P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Engin

3

3

0

0

104

9

2

Stoma

4

2

1

1

-5

7

3

CARBS A

3

2

0

1

32

6

4

Pharmacy

2

2

0

0

19

6

5

SAWSA

4

2

0

2

-48

6

6

Medics

4

1

0

3

8

3

7

Law

1

1

0

0

7

3

8

MASTS

3

1

0

2

-19

3

9

CARBS B

4

1

0

3

-34

1

10

Planning

1

0

0

1

-64

0

impact. Shortly after the vital changes were made, an attacking free-kick was splendidly lofted into the penalty box

by Engin skipper, Tom Stephenson, and converted brilliantly by Amos.

And Engin soon made it 3-0. Micah Udoh sealed the points for the champions when he nodded home a cross from McWilliams.

With two games played, Engin have certainly made a promising start. But there is still plenty to play for in what could be another riveting Premiership title race.

On Sunday, Engin entertain titlerivals History while AFC Cathays play against MOMED.

PUDDLE: It’s Pontcanna

PHOTO: Adam Gasson

Dragons slayed by impressive Law A Cemlyn Davies IMG Reporter

IMG Football: Division 1 H. Dragons 1 - 4 Law A

FIRST TOUCH: Crucial in IMG

TWNN win once again IMG Football: Division 3 Myg Myg 0 - 1 TWNN TWNN maintained their position at the top of Division Three with a tight victory over Myg Myg. Although the final score suggests otherwise, it was an entertaining game with plenty of goalmouth drama.

Myg Myg were guilty of sloppy defending during the opening minutes as TWNN were gifted with plenty of space on the left to run towards goal.

Last-gasp tackles were needed to keep the scores level on many occasions.

Moreover, Myg Myg were also indebted to their goalkeeper, who pulled off a string of marvellous saves and interceptions throughout the first half to keep his side in the game.

However, Myg Myg also had

chances in what turned out to be an open first half. They had a penalty claim dissallowed by the referee, while TWNN’s Rhys Bevan was kept busy in defence.

But TWNN deservedly opened the scoring in the 55th minute. Andy Cross struck the ball sweetly and placed it perfectly just inside the near post.

However, Myg Myg responded well and began to dominate proceedings.

Although TWNN almost doubled their lead after hitting the post, Myg Myg began to look more likely to score.

Myg Myg missed a number of opportunties to score in the latter stages. In one instance, a combination of defender, crossbar and post kept the ball out of TWNN’s net.

League leaders TWNN play English on Sunday, while Myg Myg face Park Rangers.

LAW A continued their impressive assault on the Division One title with an emphatic victory over Havana Dragons last Wednesday.

After recording their second consecutive Division One win, Law A have now climbed to the top of the division on goal difference. And their colleagues, Law B, are closely behind in second place with just one goal separating the sides.

Although the Dragons began well, and were perhaps unlucky not to score in the opening ten minutes, the result was never in doubt thereafter.

Law played some outstanding football at times, and showed grit and determination throughout. The team’s hunger for victory was clear as every player contributed with a performance worthy of a man-of-the-match award.

After approximately 15 minutes, it was Law who took the lead. Their left winger, Michael Godwin, coolly slotted the ball past the over-worked Dragons’ goalkeeper.

From that moment on Law were dominant. Without several excellent interceptions by the boggy goalmouth and the deep puddles, the game could have been all over at half-time.

However, the Law team could only manage one more goal in the first half.

Right winger, Steff Williams, latched onto a through-ball before superbly

lobbing the goalkeeper from the edge of the box.

The second half began as the first ended with Law pressing to increase their advantage. Predictably, the third goal duly arrived. Williams scored his second of the game with another welljudged lob over the advancing Dragons keeper.

And shortly afterwards, Chris Day completed the rout and made the score 4-0. The bullish striker beat the Dragons keeper from close range with a calm finish.

The Dragons rarely threatened to claw their way back into the match, but they eventually found the net in the latter stages. Despite the best efforts of Law goalkeeper, Dafydd Edwards, the Dragons grabbed what proved to be a consolation goal. Although Edwards tipped a venomous free-kick onto the bar, he was powerless to prevent the rebound.

However, the goal hardly affected Law, as they continued to impose themselves on the game. They even had the opportunity to experiment with several new formations.

In what appears to be a tight Division One title race, Law have certainly started in the best possible way.

Meanwhile, Havana Dragons have struggled to make an impact so far.

Following two straight defeats, the Dragons have slipped to the foot of the table on goal difference.

But they still have five games to turn their season around. And they have the chance to record their first Division One points when they face Boca Seniors on Sunday. Elsewhere, Law A play against Butthead FC.

Dean Simmonds IMG Reporter

IMG Football: Division 3 Euros 2 - 4 English Soc ENGLISH SOCIETY kept their Division Three title hopes alive with a much-needed victory over Euros last week.

After securing their first IMG points since October, English have now risen to third in Division Three.

English made the perfect start to proceedings when they took an early lead. Huw Morgans grabbed the opener when he calmly slotted the ball beyond the approaching Euros goalkeeper.

As the half progressed, early English pressure failed to provide another goal and Euros soon hit back with an equaliser. Some good work down the left wing saw the ball evade the English defence and an unmarked striker slotted the ball home to level the match.

But English restored their lead on the stroke of half-time. As the ball bounced awkwardly on the pitch, Sam Ingham reacted quickest to fire English into a 2-1 lead.

However, this advantage didn’t last long as Euros promptly equalised again. John Foxall broke down the English left and his crosscum-shot dipped cruelly under the bar, just out of reach of the otherwise assured English goalkeeeper, Dan Ridler.

This acted as a wake-up call for the English team who began to apply pressure on Euros all over the pitch.

And this pressure eventually paid off as English scored a third. After beating the Euros offside trap, a confident Ingham grabbed his second goal from close range.

As the game became more stretched, both teams had chances to convert a crucial goal. But it was English striker, Steve Florey, who capped a hard-fought victory for his side with a late strike.

English face league leaders TWNN on Sunday in what promises to be a nail-biting affair, while bottom-of-the-table Euros play against Esplanyol.

PHOTO: Adam Gasson

IMG Football: Premiership

PHOTO: Adam Gasson

The

43

TUSSLE: Who will win?

gairrhydd

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SPORT

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comfortable first victory against Durham’s second seed 21 – 16, 21 - 14.

However, Nurse was unable to CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . . .3 double this up as Durham’s top DURHAM Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . .5 player saw her off comprehensively.

Sarah Bell, usually the team’s DURHAM PROGRESSED through to the BUSA Badminton reserve player, was called up at Championship semis, knocking short notice and played without fear out a Cardiff Ladies’ first team as she narrowly lost against the who ran them close in a 5 – 3 Durham number one, who took her second point of the day. loss.

The next match was a nail-biting Knowing that Durham would be stiff competition, the Ladies put up affair as it went to a decisive third an impressive fight and started well game. Bell played some outstandas Rachel Nurse took a relatively ing badminton but was pipped to

Emma Green Badminton Reporter

PHOTO: TOM SZCZEBIOT

Bad day at the office the post by Durham’s seed, who took the point in the deciding game.

Doubles pairings Vicki Hallett and Tara Weir and Kim Brewster and Amy Gorochowski both beat Durham’s second pair in impressive victories, which nearly let Cardiff back into the tie. Hallet and Weir won 21 - 16, 21 – 7, while Brewster and Gorochowski thrashed their opponents 21 - 9, 21 - 11.

It was Durham’s first pairing that halted this run, playing a powerful and high tempo game to win the remaining points despite being run close by the tiring Cardiff pairings.

BADMINTON: Spot The Cock

Added Extra Alex Joannedis Football Reporter CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . . .1

PHOTO: MATT HORWOOD

GLOUCESTER Ladies’ 1sts . . . .1 *Cardiff win 2 - 1 AET

RUGBY: Revival

A New Dawn

Jon Berridge Sports Reporter

initially exerted some pressure in the first half and were rewarded with an unconverted try and a penalty.

CARDIFF Men’s 1sts . . . . . . .84

The second-half brought no relief to the ailing Newport side

NEWPORT Men’s 1sts . . . . . . .8 WESLH CUP holders Cardiff put aside their difficult BUSA campaign with a morale boosting twelve try romp against local rivals Newport.

Wing Jon Walder, taking over the captaincy from the injured Matt Hopper, set the standards high with an early try after evading a series of tackles with Jack Beaman converting.

Beaman would go on to a 100 percent success rate with twelve conversions out of twelve to end the match with an impressive 24 points. Newport

However, the Newport defence were unable to stop a rampaging Cardiff side, who sped to a 35 - 8 half time lead with tries also coming from flanker Alex Huntley, who crossed over twice, while Phil Scales and centre Geoff Hobbs also got in on the act.

The second-half brought no relief to the ailing Newport side, who failed to keep pace with the powerful and quick Cardiff players. Fly-half Michael

Schropfer was a dominant force, and his passing allowed Cardiff players to smash holes through the weak Newport defence.

Flanker Ed Hampsted helped himself to a brace of tries, with Huntley grabbing four and captain Walder a hat-trick. Scrum-half Tom Powell also raced the length of the pitch to score underneath the posts to complete the impressive rout.

Cardiff coach Martyn Fowler was delighted with the performance, stating: “It was the structure more than the score-line that impressed me today. We were organised and dominated the match from start to finish.”

The result puts Cardiff in a positive mindset for the forthcoming months with the coveted Varsity match and the Hong Kong Tens all to come.

CARDIFF LADIES’ Football firsts advanced to the BUSA Trophy semi-finals after a tense extratime victory over Gloucester.

Gloucester presented a tough challenge in the quarters, but Cardiff were ready to fight for a place in the semis.

Both teams started well but a lack of concentration in the Gloucester backline saw a sloppy pass intercepted by striker Alex Joannides, who skipped past the right back and struck the ball perfectly into the top right hand corner.

Cardiff were off to a flying start with the goal coming just ten minutes in.

Gloucester came fighting back strongly and equalized from a corner.

With the teams back on level terms there was everything to play for.

Cardiff created many chances throughout the game but failed to make these chances count.

Midfielder Jen Fildes put in some good crosses, but each time no-one could provide the decisive touch.

Zahra Chatur, Aileen Griffin, and Harriet Sharp also saw their attempts denied via some top draw saves from Gloucester’s stopper.

With the teams in stalemate, the tie went to extra time. Despite the added football Cardiff never stopped chasing the ball, displaying impressive fitness levels in closing down

the opposition.

In the first fifteen minutes of the extra period Cardiff dominated proceedings and justifiably grabbed the breakthrough, finally taking one of their many chances in the match.

Joannides slipped a ball through to strike partner Nat Jenkinson whose first touch outfoxed her marker and she coolly finished the move, putting the home side back in the lead.

Gloucester threw on substitutions towards the end in the hope that fresh legs would save them Although it was breached from a set piece, Cardiff’s backline was rarely troubled as Anna Elliot played an integral part alongside Carleigh Bammens, Sammy Burdus, and Harriet Sharp.

However, Gloucester were presented with a final opportunity to take the game to penalties, but goalkeeper Ruth Smith made an excellent save to the frustration of the visitors.

Gloucester threw on substitutions towards the end in the hope that fresh legs would save them, but failed to find a way through a well-drilled home defence.

Cardiff played out time comfortably to secure their place in the semifinals of the Trophy and now face Exeter in the last four after their quarter final win over Kings College Medics.

46 gairrhydd

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MARCH.12.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Silver Satisfaction

RINGS: Win couldn’t secure the Gold MATTHEW MALETRIOT was a shining light for Cardiff in the BUSA Gymnastics Championships at Lilleshall National Sports Centre.

With a score of 37.85 Maletroit was only 0.6 away from the gold medal.

With a record number of entries for the Men’s section, there was a strong field of competitors from UWIC, Leeds Metropolitan, Cambridge and Loughborough, whose entrant took gold.

The presence of many British and Commonwealth gymnasts gave this competition a higher standard than ever before.

Winning the rings was an excellent

achievement in itself, but was not enough to give Maletroit first place after a momentary slip on the parallel bars which cost him crucial points.

However, the runners-up spot was an improvement from the bronze he picked up at last year’s event.

Reflecting on his performance, Maletriot highlighted the lack of training facilities as being crucial: “It is a shame that there are no gymnastics facilities in the university, but gymnasts who come to Cardiff University still have the opportunity of training at local clubs.

“I am pleased with my performance this year and I will definitely be going for gold in next year’s Championships.”

Final Countdown Waterpolo: Horses massacred Mark Barton Waterpolo Reporter CARDIFF MEN’S and Women’s Waterpolo squads both secured their places at this year’s BUSA finals after an extremely convincing set of victories in the semi-final stages of the competition.

Both teams were confident going into the semis after great performances in the earlier part of the BUSA competition, held in Bristol.

The doom and gloom of Walsall didn’t deter them after both teams got off to a great start.

The 16-strong women’s squad fought off close competition from Edinburgh, Sheffield and Southampton universities, but the clear message of the day was that the squad were going to dominate the group, which they duly did.

The Ladies’ team played extremely well, with particularly notable performances from Emma Colley and the ruthless Miriam Rhida.

The Men’s squad also dominated their group with a clean sheet of victories. After an initial close bout with Loughborough, which Cardiff eventually turned around in the last quarters to win 7 - 5, the day got even better, with white-wash victories against Nottingham (21 - 7), and Edinburgh (12 - 6).

The men’s squad were seemingly impenetrable on the day, with fullhearted performances from Nick Cornish and Charlie Hinder.

The majority of goals were skilfully supplied by Daniel Laxton, who ended the day as top-scorer.

This year’s squad have succeeded in sending a clear message to other finalists that they are on form and on target for BUSA success.

Canoe Polo: Striving For Recognition

Newbies Rebecca Isles Canoe Polo Reporter AFTER A hard winters training, Cardiff’s Canoe Polo teams battled well in the first Welsh League fixtures of the year, as they strive to gain recognition in the National Leagues.

Cardiff A, competing in Division One, faced up against nationally renowned teams from Aberfan and Dragon while both the university’s B and Ladies’ teams competed in Division Two of the same league.

The A’s arrived at the International Sports Village in Newport ready to

take on the opposition and prove their eligibility to compete in the top flight of Welsh Canoe Polo.

Over the course of the afternoon they played four matches of 20 minutes each against two Aberfan sides, one team from Dragon and ‘Old Timers’, made up of a mixture of highclass players from multiple clubs across South Wales.

At the end of the first stage the team had secured two wins and suffered two defeats. The season continues this week as the A team maintain their hopes for a decent placement in Division One. The Ladies’ and B teams arrived in Newport with the same trepidation to

compete in Division Two of the Welsh League.

Both teams are a mixture of amateurs and experienced canoeists, with some new to both canoeing and the sport of canoe polo this year.

Fixtures against teams from the Rhondda Paddlers, two from Bridgend and one from Amon Valley proved to be tough for the Cardiff representatives.

The Cardiff B’s won one match, drew one and lost two, while the Ladies’ team won one and lost three, proving that life will be tough in Division Two.

Swansea suffer at holders’ hands Paul Hayes Hockey Reporter SWANSEA Men’s 1sts . . . . . . .1 CARDIFF Men’s 1sts . . . . . . . .4 CARDIFF MEN’S Hockey First XI are now one step closer to retaining their Welsh Cup crown after cruising to a 4 - 1 victory over Varsity rivals Swansea.

Cardiff travelled to last year’s beaten finalists with six regulars missing, but nonetheless they proved too strong for the home side.

Cardiff started in buoyant fashion, pressurising Swansea from the opening whistle. The breakthrough was made through fresher David Hughes, who deflected home the opener from a Tony Gough pass.

After this, Cardiff took their foot off the gas, playing possession hockey in an attempt to tire their opponents.

But during this time Swansea had the better period of play, having two opportunities to level the score.

Both chances though were foiled by

debutant goalkeeper Ned Davies, who made two excellent saves keeping the holders in the lead.

After this wake-up call, Cardiff once again found their feet. Striker Gavin Vollmer doubled the Cardiff lead halfway through the first half, pouncing on some sloppy Swansea defending and slapping the ball past the sprawling goalkeeper.

A solid defensive display was marred when the umpire gave a dubious penalty flick The second half was a similar story.

With Gareth Owen and Doyne-Ditmas giving constant width, Cardiff managed to get behind the Swansea backline on various occasions, but failed to capitalise once in a scoring position.

Despite missing chances, the constant pressure paid off. Tom Bacon was released down the right hand side and

found Keiran Zeale outside the D, who beat one man and managed to thread the ball through to Vollmer, who grabbed his second of the game.

A solid defensive display was marred when the umpire gave a dubious penalty flick after Gough dispossessed a Swansea striker as he took his shot.

Davies was unable to stop the penalty giving Swansea hope of a miraculous comeback.

But Cardiff’s victory was sealed when with ten minutes to go, Owen picked up the ball on the half way line and charged at the opposition defence, being fouled in the process.

As the ball ran loose the umpire waved play on to Bacon’s advantage as he drove the ball past the Swansea goalkeeper for his first goal for the first XI. After the game, Veteran defender Gough said how pleased he was with the performance: “We played very well. We came into the game with players missing and still put in a performance to take us into the semi final.

Plus it is always good to beat Swansea.”

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SPORT

MARCH.12.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM WINDSURFING: Perfect Tecnique

ULU Foil Fencers’ Hopes

PHOTO: SARAH DAY

FENCING: Promotion Snatched Away

Windwash Vicky Warner Windsurfing Reporter CARDIFF’S STUDENT windsurfers struggled against the difficult conditions in the third core windsurfing event of the Student Windsurfing Association series, held at Axbridge.

At the reservoir south of Bristol, racing on the first day saw Cardiff succeed in all the divisions.

Ieuan Harris drew third place in the Beginners division, Adam Marsh took

third in the Intermediate section and Vicky Warner gained the runners-up spot in the Ladies advanced division.

The successful competitors were rewarded with windsurfing equipment as prizes for their efforts from the series sponsors.

The second day of the weekend was a more relaxed format of free-sailing and freestyle competitions.

All the Cardiff windsurfers hit the icy waters of the reservoir, sailing in gusty force 4 winds, testing their skills and forcing beneficial quick learning.

Chris Markall Fencing Reporter CARDIFF MEN’S Fencing team could not fight off the University of London Union (ULU) in the playoffs for the BUSA leagues Premiership division, as ULU gained the promotion spot.

The defeat follows a great run of success this year in the Western League, where Cardiff won the section without losing a fight and defeated Exeter and Aberystwyth first teams, renowned for their strong players, in the process.

The Sabre had a shaky start, but the team found their feet and pulled it back to move on confidently to the Foil and Epee, which were fought with determination and aggression.

The foil team struggled against a

more experienced side who launched some nasty fleche attacks, but Cardiff’s fencers showed some great defence and beautiful timing on attacks. The Epee team fought hard against well-developed attacks and skilled reposts.

The foil team struggled against a more experienced side who launched some nasty fleche attacks ULU’s Max Izatov and Tim Love both put in exceptional appearances, and Cardiff did well rise to their standard. However, despite strong per-

formances from all the team (Peter Russell (Captain), Chris Markall, Andrew Mcleod, Rob Prior, Ben Geerling, Jon Harris), the competitive ULU, with circuit fencers from Russia and Poland, took the game 135 – 101.

Cardiff Men’s team has made many advances this year in both training and building the club. There is possibility to create a Men’s second team for next year, and with the majority of the squad still at Cardiff next year, it is likely they will push for the Premiership again and keep moving from strength to strength.

On the April 21st, Cardiff has also been honoured to run the Student 5Nations Championships. This is a budding event with the prestige the 5Nations holds, and will benefit our fencers, and Cardiff University, to see such a high standard of international fighting.

comment As the break for the next International matches approaches, Peter Evans illustrates the possible pitfalls for football clubs of the team-bondng holiday SO YOUR team’s morale is low and you find yourself with a rare week off. You’re thinking of heading abroad for that well needed teambonding session and a good rest, and why shouldn’t you?

Surely there’s nothing better than a good old team “knees up” to boost squad spirit?

Well, as Peter Beagrie, Joey Barton or Craig ‘the nutter with the putter’ Bellamy will tell you, setting off for a week of sun, soccer and San Miguel traditionally ends with disastrous consequences.

English club’s first entry to the team-bonding hall of shame’s was back in the 1986/87 season, when Craig Bellamy was just a small, but no doubt immensely irritating, seven year old, and the Arsenal team were heading out for a mid-season break in Portugal.

A local nightclub was the setting for a drunken fight with a difference, a scuffle between six Gunners and a group of US Marines ended with the

soldiers following the footballers home and trying to run them off the road.

The chase turned nasty when Charlie Nicholas, like all good Soccer Saturday pundits, launched a bottle of vodka at the pursuing US Marines, causing them to career off the road.

The chase turned nasty when Charlie Nicholas launched a bottle of vodka at the pursuing US Marines, causing them to career off the road The players returned to England red faced eventually, despite being arrested the following morning before George Graham rushed to bail out his superstars.

BELLAMY: Celebrated In Style

Nine years later and Arsenal were involved in more away day antics as Ray Parlour fought with a taxi driver in Hong Kong.

The next entry to the hall of shame begins as a familiar scenario: you have a few drinks but return home only to find you are locked out.

So do you crash at a friend’s?

Search for the spare key? Or grab the nearest motorbike and ride in through the glass doors?

Peter Beagrie, in Benidorm, with Everton at the time, chose the latter, and the subsequent fifty stitches that came with it.

A year later, it was Manchester City’s Steve McMahon’s turn to fly through panes of glass.

In this case a playful, albeit drunken, fight with Niall Quinn, ended in Quinn chasing McMahon before throwing him through a shop window and then legging it.

The story ends like many a drunken night out; McMahon woke up the next morning with no memory of the inci-

dent and took full responsibility.

Some players never get that far, the night’s antics never seem to end when the players stumble into bed.

Callum Davidson for example, on Leicester’s tour of Finland in 2002, woke up in the night to find a snarling Dennis Wise ready to give him the proverbial smack in the face over an earlier game of cards.

Closer to home, the Torquay team of 1991’s pre-play of drinking games night ended with Tommy Tynon sporting an eye cut by a flying kettle thrown by club captain Wes Sanders.

After Bellamy and Riise combined to drive Liverpool to a famous and as it turns out, decisive 2 - 1 win over Barcelona, Rafa Benitez may be thinking that their Algarve adventure wasn’t such a bad thing.

But one look at this hall of shame will make him thank his lucky stars his players didn’t have kettles, vodka or glass windows to hand.

Sport gairrhydd

Men’s Rugby Firsts clobber Newport in Welsh Cup page 43

PHOTOS: ROB TAYLOR

CARDIFF 1sts ABERYSTWYTH 1sts

12 0

Aber Annihilation Ladies’ Hockey Firsts continue to build on their impressive season as they beat rivals Aberystwyth in the Welsh Cup Peter Evans Sports Reporter CARDIFF STROLLED into the second round of the Welsh Cup with a comprehensive 12 – 0 mauling of Aberystwyth.

The Ladies’ first XI will not have played in an easier match all season, as everyone involved struggled to keep count as the goals flowed in.

Fresh from their promotion to the BUSA Premiership, Cardiff started with real intent and hit four goals in the first ten minutes.

The late arriving Aber side must

have wished they hadn’t bothered as within five minutes Donna McCormick had grabbed the first two goals of her profitable afternoon.

Captain Tamara Fateh led by example throughout and her exceptional performance included a brilliant strike to make it 3 - 0, and a smart finish after beautiful close control for the fifth.

Though the Aberystwyth keeper made a string of good saves she was unable to stop McCormick, who completed her seven-minute hat trick making it six from inside the box.

Shots rained down on the Aberystwyth goal all afternoon, with the visiting goalie trying her best to

keep out the rampant strikers.

In contrast, Cardiff’s keeper Lizzie Hawes sat back and enjoyed the sunshine as the opposition struggled to leave their own half.

Cardiff continued to heap on the pressure and produced some lovely moves in wave after wave of devastating attacks.

After McCormick had added a fourth it was Amy McGowan’s turn to get in on the act as she finished a blistering move.

Amy Bowring and Angharad Griffiths then registered goals of their own, with both striking past the helpless Aberystwyth keeper. Cardiff

marched into half time with an unassailable nine-goal lead.

Fresh from their promotion into the Premiership, Cardiff started with real intent With a change of goalkeepers, some positional changes and the win already in the bag, Cardiff still managed to add three more goals before full time.

Erran Morris made it ten before

McCormick hit her fifth of the afternoon.

Despite the constant onslaught, Aber’s goalkeeper kept concentration in making some fine saves to deny the Cardiff attempts, on one occasion she denied McGowan when it looked a certain goal.

Regular goalkeeper Hawes also saw her penalty saved before Griffiths knocked in the team’s twelfth to complete a confident afternoon’s workout.

The squad played some brilliant hockey, proving just why they were promoted, and look likely to continue their recent domination of the Welsh Cup.

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