Gair Rhydd - Issue 841

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ISSUE 841 MAY 07 2007

CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY free word - EST. 1972

THE IMG ROUND-UP All the news from the 2006-07 football and netball season

Jobs and Money on the top graduate employers Page 19

Pages 35-37

FACE-BOOKED Adam Millward News Editor A CARDIFF UNIVERSITY student, who claims he was attacked last November, has used the networking group Facebook to identify the potential assailant.

The second-year student had been returning with two friends from a ‘heavy night’ out in Cardiff when he says that a group of three young men set upon him.

It was in the week following the confrontation that one of the student’s friends decided to try and track down the boys using Facebook – the website which describes itself as ‘a social utility that connects people with friends and others who work, study and live around them’.

He typed the name of Cardiff University hall of residence into

Facebook’s search facility but he found nothing after an initial sweep of the results.

However, after further exploration into the members’ photo albums, he discovered a photograph which featured a student who he believes attacked him. It was this identification which the students took to the authorities.

The case has been involved in a long legal process that is still unresolved.

The second-year student claims that one of the alleged culprit’s housemates has subsequently tried to ‘add him’ to his friend’s list on Facebook. The student believes this was done to ‘try and keep up with what he had been saying about the incident and what action he was taking’.

A police source explained that the student involved had been arrested and is currently out on bail. He will be called to further police proceedings in June.

LLUSTRATION: ANDREW STYLES

! Student uses popular networking website to track down his alleged attacker, leading to an arrest ! He claims that the suspected culprit’s housemate attempted to add him as a friend

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At

a glance MAY 07 2007

News Editorial & Opinion Column Letters Politics Features Science/Environment Jobs & Money Media Television Problem Page Five Minute Fun Grab Listings Sport

1 9 13 14 15 16 18 19 20 21 29 30 31 32 35

EDITOR Perri Lewis DEPUTY EDITOR Sophie Robehmed ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR Elaine Morgan CREATIVE EDITOR Graeme Porteous NEWS Adam Millward, Helen Thompson, Jo Dingle, Katie Kennedy POLITICS Andy Rennison EDITORIAL AND OPINION Chris Croissant, Huw Davies SPORT Dave Menon, George Pawley LISTINGS Jenna Harris, Rosaria Sgueglia TELEVISION TV Fran, TV Jazz, TV Kyle, TV Ben LETTERS Rachel Clare GRAB Kayleigh Excell, Lisa Hocken TAF-OD Huw Pritchard SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT Ceri Morgan MEDIA Aline Ungewiss, Nadia Bonjour HEALTH Liz Stauber JOBS AND MONEY Gill Roberts PROBLEM PAGE Grace De Ville FIVE MINUTE FUN Lara Bell PICTURE EDITORS James Perou, Sarah Day ONLINE EDITOR Paul Springett PROOF READERS Jenna Weeks, Bryony Tallack, Aisling Tempany, Rachel Cormican, Sarah Murray, Andy Rennison, Beth Herdman, Kate Monaghan, Kieran Harwood CONTRIBUTORS James Stileman, Natalie Parkinson, Abigail Whittaker, Corrine Rhoades, Samantha Shillabeer, Emma Jones, Holly Bassett, Victoria Lane, Rachel Greenwood, Hannah Pawley, Katherine WebsterDuncan, Amy Simpson, Lucy Thackray, Dan Ridler, Aisling Tempany, Phillip Dore, Cemlyn Davies, Huw Thomas, Dan Smith, Brychan Govier, Annie Buckle, Emily Woodrow, Rhys Triggs, Eillian Hughes, Amy Gorochowski, Adam Gasson, James Ford, Becky Oatley, Rebecca Isles, Dave Jones, Rob Taylor, James Woodroof, Paul Hayes, Jack Zorab, Ben Walker, Alex Mcintosh, Pete Dean, Jamie Kins, Ed Salter, Steve Florey ADDRESS University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN ADVERTISING 02920 781 474 EMAIL gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com WEB www.gairrhydd.com LOCATION 4th Floor Students’ Union

This week...

Sport David Menon takes you through his IMG end-of-season round-up, George Pawley asks if Joe Calzaghe can be beaten, plus reports on the Welsh Cup finals and much more

Media Examines how the Virginia Tech shootings have been turned into a money-spinner by cyber-conmen

p.18

p.20

Features Looks at the massive humanitarian difference that Cardiff students are making in some of the poorest regions across the world

The week in pictures

...in numbers

10

weeks until graduation

Cardiff 52% ofstudents are members of one or more societies

8

acts confirmed for the Summer Ball

101%

total votes counted in first trial of new Student Council voting system

1

week

until exams begin...

Sarah Day captures revising, relaxing and basking in the sun, in and around the Cathays campus

30/04/07-06/05/07

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Monster line-up

The Automatic confirmed to play alongside The Feeling at Cardiff Students’ Union’s biggest annual event Helen Thompson News Editor THE FEELING WILL be joined by Radio One DJs and upcoming Welsh band The Automatic at this year’s summer ball.

Most famous for their third single, Solus favourite Monster, The Automatic found success after cutting their teeth on the Cardiff music scene.

The full line-up for the concluding event of the academic year was announced last week, with Zane Lowe and Trevor Nelson due to take to the turntables after sets by the Rubber Duck and Come Play regulars.

Student band Extens will also play a set IS IT A MONSTER: No, it’s The Automatic

Mountaineering club scales down 15-floor psychology building in bid to raise thousands of pounds for charity

James Stileman CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S Reporter Mountaineering Club put on

a sponsored abseil down the north side of the 55-metre tall psychology building last Friday.

In all, 23 club members abseiled down the building one after the other between 10am and 4pm, all while dressed in fancy dress costumes.

The event was held to raise money for the charity CHEKA (Care, Health and Education for Kids in Africa), a registered charity set up by Bonnie Argo, a former Cardiff Psychology student.

Each abseiler was given the task of raising £100 in order to

Natalie Parkinson Reporter

PHOTO: ED SALTER

Katie Kennedy News Editor

TREVOR NELSON: Mixing it up

What a shocker

Psyched down participate, so the expected total for the event will be between £2300 and £2500.

“The event will be good publicity for the club and hopefully stir up some excitement for possible members next academic year,” said Mountaineering Club Vice-President Joe Hobson.

“Also it’s good to show that the University clubs can use their skills and resources to raise money and awareness for important causes both home and abroad. And if that has to be done in a prostitute costume, then so be it.”

It is hoped that the event could become a yearly fixture in the Mountaineering Club’s calendar, with the possibility of using a different building each year.

after beating seven other groups to win Cardiff University’s Battle of the Bands, held in Solus on April 29.

Three marquees will fill Cardiff Castle’s adjoining field on June 15, to house the thousands of students who are expected to attend.

Dodgems and a big video screen will keep people entertained in a specially designated outdoor area.

The big name bands will be supported by other acts, including Ch’boogie Band, Stop Motion Men and Confession Booth.

Tickets are still on sale from the Union Box Office and on 029 2078 1458, at a price of £37.

VERTIGO: Going down for charity

INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS could soon be helped to settle in to university by a computer game that aims to tackle culture shock.

Academics at Portsmouth University are in the process of designing the game, ‘C-Shock’, which foreign students can install on their mobile phone if they are encountering British culture for the first time on arrival at a UK university.

Occurrences such as kissing in public, smoking, drinking and seeing women interacting with members of the opposite sex will all be displayed in the game with the opportunity to respond to set tasks.

International students will be given the opportunity to become accustomed to university campus life through a virtual map, and will also be able to access emergency contact numbers.

One of the designers, Dr. Maniar

from India, who experienced culture shock on entering the UK for his MSc, said: “I found some aspects of British culture very novel, and certainly things such as interacting socially with others in, say, a pub were very different to what I was used to in my own culture.”

It is hoped that the game will also be available to UK students to help freshers get around their university campus without feeling overwhelmed and lost.

The game will be accessible later this year, but whether many universities will participate in the scheme remains to be seen.

Cardiff Students’ Union’s Societies and International Officer, Katy Dobbs, said: “I think it’s a little bit patronising.

In my experience, international students aren’t really shocked by a different culture; they’re more interested in finding out about British culture.

“What they need is more information about Wales and Cardiff University, not to be spoon-fed by a game.”

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Are you satisfied...?

Cardiff students tell the Union what it’s doing right and where there might be room for improvement Abigail Whittaker Deputy News Editor A RECENT SURVEY has uncovered what Cardiff University students think of their non-academic experience.

The Students’ Union Satisfaction Survey 2006-2007 gained 3,864 responses, corresponding to 16.8% of the target population, the most recurring comment from respondents was that there was poor communication between the Union and its students.

Too often students seemed unaware of the facilities and events on offer and criticised flyering as an ineffective mode of communication. gair rhydd, Facebook and e-mails were identified as their preferred source of information.

Although many students believe

the Union to be representing them efficiently, they are unaware of what it does in practice including the elections, the roles of the sabbatical officers and the existence of a student council.

Catering facilities in the Union were deemed overpriced with poor quality options and inconvenient opening times; many concluded that better quality, cheaper priced options could be found in town.

It was suggested that the Taf should serve pub food in the evening as many people found it was difficult to find hot food after 4pm. Both CF10 and the Union Shop were asked to provide more healthy and vegetarian options, and to cater for Muslim students (i.e. Halal food).

With regard to the building itself, several respondents thought that it

Push the button

Students taste the future of student democracy with trial of new keypad voting Joanna Dingle News Editor STUDENT COUNCILLORS had a glimpse of the future when they tested a brand new keypad voting system last Tuesday.

The first trial of the system, which is set to be introduced from next year, saw votes cast regarding a proposal to support a better bursary scheme for students across the UK. Although eyebrows were raised at first when, due to a rounding error, the displayed results equalled a percentage greater than 100, the system is likely to be significantly more accurate than the old method of hand raising and paper counting.

Deputy Chair of Student Council, Dan Ridler, said: “It’s a good sign for the future of student democracy and the forthcoming Student Parliament “At the end of the day - it worked”.

was difficult to access, especially with a wheelchair or pram and the presence of too many heavy doors was commented on.

A lack of cleanliness was identified in the Union building and the toilets were regarded with intense repulsion by many, especially those in Solus. There too, the flooring was repeatedly noted as slippery and dangerous.

Respondents overwhelmingly complained about the Union bouncers whose ‘intimidating’ behaviour was thought of as inappropriate for a student venue.

Societies were praised at all levels with 52% of respondents indicating that they were a member of one or more and generally asking for more of the same.

Within the Athletics Union the

range of sporting events and associated social life were among the bestrated aspects, however smaller clubs felt they did not receive as much attention as big teams.

There were numerous complaints about the state of the gym and sporting facilities that the University offers, and the lack of a swimming pool.

Union services were received with great satisfaction. JobShop was seen as an essential service, and both the Letting Shop and IT Shop (which had only recently opened when the survey was conducted) were wellreceived. High praise, for enriching the student experience, was also given to the Student Development Unit and Student Volunteering Cardiff.

Commenting on the results,

Students’ Union president, Joe Al Khayat said: “Despite some clear areas for improvement, it is worth mentioning that the majority of students were highly complimentary of the Union and the services it provides.

“It is pleasing to report that action is already being taken, such as the improved recycling facilities in the Union and the £50,000 that has been secured from the Univeristy to improve the Park Place gym from July onwards.

“However, we need to work on communicating these excellent services and facilities to students because not enough people know about them.

“The survey has been a valuable experience for the Union and means we can continue to develop around the needs of our members.”

A farewell to arms?

Cardiff University’s controversial investment into arms could be ended if a new ethical policy is adopted Corinne Rhoades Deputy News Editor CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S involvement in the arms trade could be ended if it goes forward with a proposal to rethink its ethical investment policy.

In November 2006, gair rhydd reported the University to be among 45 UK institutions that owned shares in arms manufacturers.

As of August 10, 2006 money was invested in two of Britain’s major arms companies, one of which has faced serious allegations of bribery and corruption.

But because the shares are managed by an outside company, a University spokesperson denied that the investment was a breach of their ethical practices.

Since then, the campaign to break the University’s links with the armstrade has been brought before Student Council, who passed a motion challenging it to sell its shares.

Now the Students’ Union is continuing its movement by calling for an extension of the University’s ethical policies.

Although the Union condemned unethical practices, it proposed that an ethical investment need not be unprofitable.

But the University was reminded that it is a charity which deals with public money.

By introducing an ethical investment policy, other Universities facing similar campaigns were prevented from purchasing future shares in arms companies.

Over half of the money invested in

arms by Cardiff University was in BAE systems, a company which has come under investigation by the Serious Fraud Office (SFO).

The world’s fourth largest arms company, BAE systems faced allegations of bribery and corruption in its dealings with Saudi Arabia, a country considered to be under an oppressive regime.

But in December last year the SFO was told to stop their inquiry after Tony Blair expressed fears about national security.

T h e Campaign Against the Arms Trade mdiei ldloifoaidns 9 .

2 (CAAT) antipeople this year arms group What can you do about it? has since been campaigning to re-launch te to fight the investiga- Students vosit y over the Univer ents tion. arms investm calls for l nci CAAT is Cou t Studen sever links University to de campaigning to the with arms traive are The execut end the interna- mandated to take action tional arms trade, and exposed Cardiff U n i v e r s i t y ’s involvement under the freedom of information act last year.

Its work with other UK universities has seen successful results.

The ethical investment policy is one of the approaches suggested by CAAT which will help sever the links between higher education and arms manufacturers.

President of the Students’ Union, Joe Al Khayat, who brought the

motion to the University.

He said: “We have now taken this matter to the University’s governing body on two occasions and are pleased that progress has been made. Instead of campaigning on the two companies in particular, the Union has suggested the University should pursue a more general ethical approach.

“The University is dealing with public funds and thus does have a responsibility both ethically and indeed financially. However it is possible to marry these two responsibilities, because ethical investment doesn’t necessarily mean investment Health pay a unprofitable visit to the University’s and we are pleased the g counsellin ser vice University has been receptive to the Union on this matter.”

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currently under the ely and immediat investigation by that Council Office, the sort of by companies Serious Fraud thought it was be and invested externally Council should manage their finances. thing Student allegedly for corruption many they employ to the fact that motions about. dealings with Joanna Dingle the the passing The motion highlights bribery in their nts. important that to QUENCH.GAIRRHYDD.COM>VOL 4.45>NOV 13 2006 in part fund News Editor “I think it’s it governme “as student fees pressure put on should listen of countries’ countries is Saudi condemned the University, the University in matters University has on investments, after One of theses University’s ownership STUDENTS HAVE in arms with a record of of students top ten arms change its policy y trying to be more on Cardiff investment They to the opinion Arabia, a country in two of Britain’s abuses.

University’s t.” shares motion supposedl a rights is it all, human by passing relating to investmen as of atrocious manufacturer companies. that other universihave paid General which calls for its investment, also alleged to of Argentina a It also indicates that prevent the ethical.. the passing of Over half of at Student Councilshares. r systems, are “I’m not expectingthe University us their ties have policies 10, was in BAEthe “largest Pinochet, ex-dictato them to sell motion to make am really happy August was proposed investment of money in companie as and calls the but describes itself Page 6 a The motion, which Continued on student saw gair turn on its policies let our which in the arms trade, company” and been able to after one third-yeararticle entitled ‘Up involved University to do the same.

European defence company”. that we have rhydd’s front page the University to for Cardiff “top 10 US defence be known”.

Scarf, who brought Third year Jesse said: “I read gair thoughts gair rhydd reported in arms’, urges they have invested Four weeks ago, the issue to council, the last Student LET US IN ON THE LOVE remove any moneys. article before in arms companieany money which is rhydd This includes

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SHOCKING new figures showing the number of ties that hold British universiarms manufac investments in turers,

Media page 13

the spokesman.

“The University tices; and its main has ethical pracheld with the bank accounts are Co-operative Bank which is known for its policy of ical investmen etht.”

However, critics may point to the fact that the “external managers who make such ’ investments are employed by the still University.

Despite attempts by student campaigns to stop universities investing in arms companie still hold shares s, 45 universities in the UK top arms companie ten s totalling £15millio as of August, n Three universiti between them. the top ten worthes own shares in over £1million each.

University College London owns the most worth £1,591,627, closely followed by Hall, Cambridge worth Trinity Liverpool £1,215,00£1,252,000 and 0.

CAAT hopes that its university campaign will ensure universiti sell their shares in arms investmenes and that they ts adopt ethical investment policies.

CAAT spokesma n, Symon Hill, said: “CAAT is supporting student campaigns at universities throughout Britain. We paigns are most believe that camsuccessful when by students themselve led s.

“We are very advice and practicalhappy to give support to students at Cardiff campaigning on University does issue. this not hold shares the companie in “The arms trade s listed. fuels war and pooled funds managed These are perpetuate s poverty. It is indirectly.” not someThe Universit thing that because the sharesy claims that, ing shoulda reputable place of learnbe supportin are managed by an external company, “Last year students g. this does not contravene their in Bangor, London and St ethical practices.

Andrews persuaded “The University their universiti employs exteres to get rid of nal managers to their arms shares. invest its assets these managers and “They took on have discretion the arms powers to invest ary in shares,” added nies and won. I'm confident compathat students at Cardiff can win too.”

Do Cardiff Univ They say no, ersity invest in arms man but key informa ufac tion suggests turers? otherwise Katie Kennedy News Editor including Cardiff Universit released to gair y, have been rhydd.

As of August 10 Cardiff University owned almost £170,000

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shares in two of arms companie Britain’s top ten The anti-arms s. Over half of group, was invested this Campaign in BAE systems, Against the Arms the which describes Trade itself on it’s website (CAAT), gained access as the “largest to the European defence mation using the Freedominforcompany’ and of a ‘top 10 US defence Information Act. company.”

However, despite releasing this £83,880 was information invested in the to CAAT, Smiths Group, University deny the which that they have aircraft and engines manufactures shares any in BAE systems for the US and UK’s military. and the Smiths Group.

A spokesma n said: “The

f a F n q t a F s s a £ U g m i t e

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PHOTO: SARAH DAY

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Tailor-made for Fair trade?

Cardiff University in bid to reach Fairtrade status Samantha Shillabeer Deputy News Editor CARDIFF UNIVERSITY sent off an official application to be granted Fairtrade status this week, after months of preparation.

A group of representatives from the University, the Union executive, the People and Planet society, the Cardiff Council and a Fairtrade shop have been meeting since January in order to fulfil the conditions needed for an application.

The five criteria that a university must fulfil in order to achieve Fairtrade

status include: a Fairtrade University Steering Group; a written Fairtrade policy; selling of Fairtrade products in all outlets; the use of Fairtrade products at internal meetings; and events and campaigns for increased consumption of Fairtrade products on campus.

Currently, every University and Union outlet sells at least two Fairtrade food products and the Union shop now stocks a range of Fairtrade cotton tshirts and hoodies.

If Cardiff’s application is successful, they must compile a yearly report to show that the five goals have been developed in order to retain Fairtrade

status.

President of the Cardiff University People and Planet group, John Cowie, said: “Fairtrade status is something that Cardiff University has worked hard for and fully deserves.

“They have a strong application and we expect the status to be given.”

The result of the application should be known in six weeks time, and if the status is granted a launch event will be held in June.

There are currently over 40 Fairtrade universities in the country, including Swansea and Bristol, but Cardiff has yet to join this group.

Cardiff was given the title of Britain’s first Fairtrade city in 2004, and it currently has over 150 shops, cafes and organisations selling and using fairly-traded products.

Fairtrade is important in ensuring fairness for poor farmers, enabling them to stay on their land, continue to farm and to invest in their future.

What do you think of the bid and our chances? Let us know at www.gairrhydd.com

Tent-up stress Manchester students forced to sit exam in a tent next to a busy main road after organisation blunder Emma Jones Reporter

STUDENT: Louise Howard outside the tent her exam was held in

STUDENTS AT Manchester Metropolitan University were ‘stunned and disgusted’ to find that their exams were to be held in a tent.

The final-year students were expecting to sit their all-important last exams at the City of Manchester Stadium, but when plans fell through at the last minute, the students were redirected to a tent at the side of a busy road.

Although the students were given ear-plugs to block out the noise, they have complained that it

was impossible to concentrate under the circumstances.

The students only found out about the change of venue when they arrived at the stadium on the day of the exam.

Louise Howard, 21, said that the difficulty in getting to the venue compounded her exam pressures.

She said: “It’s stressful enough taking exams without having to worry about traffic and parking.”

Dean of the university’s business school, Professor Huw Morris apologised, admitting the situation was “not ideal”. He added that exam markers would take the situation into account.

On your flippers

FLIPPERED UP: Protester highlighting lack of safe crossing for cyclists

UNIVERSITY STAFF went cycling in their swimwear last week, in a bid to find greener ways of travelling to work.

The campaigners, who live in Penarth, gathered together to mark ‘Leave Your Car at Home’ day.

The current lack of safe cycle and pedestrian routes between Penarth and Cardiff mean that staff would need to swim or take a boat across the river Ely to avoid taking their cars.

Marc Buehner, a staff member at the School of Psychology, organised the event.

He said: “Many of us want to cycle to work on a regular basis. It is a shame that many people are put off from cycling due to the lack of safe cycle routes.”

To help solve this problem, the University has adopted a strategy that will look to improve cycling facilities around campus.

They have also instituted an online scheme in which staff and students can find colleagues in their area to share lifts with.

Hunt is on for 2007 Honour Roll student

NOMINATIONS FOR the 2007 Honour Roll student have now opened and students are being encouraged to put forward somebody they know.

The award was created to honour a single student who has gone above the call of duty to benefit others during their time at university, or who has overcome personal difficulties.

They may have been involved in Student Volunteering or in the running of a club or society, or been a representative for the Student Council, for example.

The winner will be rewarded with prizes such as free VIP access to the Summer Ball, a presentation at their graduation ceremony and their name on the Honour Roll board in the Students’ Union.

Last year’s winner, Jos Hutchinson, was heavily involved in student politics and charity work.

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Back to school for lecturers With more students attending university, do lecturers need to brush up on their teaching skills?

Corinne Rhoades Deputy News Editor UNIVERSITY LECTURERS may have to go back to school to learn how to teach their subject.

Calls for tutors to return to the classroom come after experts have said that students need ‘more help’ with their studies.

The claims were put forward by Andrew Morgan, the staff development officer at the University of Wales, Swansea.

According to Mr Morgan, more students are attending university with differing academic abilities, and lecturing without teaching qualifications is ‘unacceptable’.

He said: “There is quite an

, Worthington Dr Heather rature lecturer te Li h is gl En

aching course “PCUTL [a te lecturers are w which all ne ke] is a very required to tase. You meet valuable courother discipeople from t to see how plines and ge” others teach.

entrenched view, especially in universities, that a deep knowledge of one’s subject is sufficient to teach it.”

Cardiff is among those universities which now require new lecturers to complete a postgraduate certificate in higher education.

But Mr Morgan’s ideas have already met with opposition from his colleagues.

Howard Moss, who has lectured on European Languages for 30 years said: “Perhaps younger lecturers might feel the benefit, but people like me would regard it as an intrusion.”

Compulsory teacher-training qualifications for further education lecturers may soon come into force in Wales, although the proposals do not yet apply to university lecturers.

Dr Claire Co nnolly, Engl Literature an ish Criticism le d Cultural cturer

“I don’t think more training lecturers need . We use research-led te we’re always aching so learning on th job.” e

Mind out: Cardiff journalists are best of the bunch Samantha Shillabeer Deputy News Editor

d Josh Taylor, 3r Chemistry

year

are alright; “I think lecturers anything ct pe ex t n’ I would I think more from them.ow their most of them kn stuff.”

year Clark, 3rd Christina and Philosophy y og ol ci So

etimes, “I think somey’re intelligent th se becau , lecturers in their field t tangents. a can go off they also forget Sometimes ts aren’t that studene level as at the sam them.”

Robert La Philosophyng, 3rd year

“I think they well trained. ’re generally them used I wish more of though. It’s Blackboard you miss le good for when ctures.”

Emma Music Drake, 2nd and H istor y year

“I think knowle they’ve all go of themdge, but I thin t enough teach b need to lear k some could u etter. Some n how to than ju se Powerpoinof them more h st talking and t rather andouts provide .”

TWO CARDIFF University students have made the shortlist for the BT Mind Student Journalist of the year.

Helen Thompson and Chris White are nominated for the accolade, which is intended to recognise and encourage highquality mental health writing in student media.

The judges described Helen’s article on Asperger’s syndrome as ‘informative, readable and rewarding’.

Chris’s piece on dementia was said to have ‘neatly demonstrated the pressure many carers are under’.

The head of media at mental health charity Mind said: “The writers on our shortlist have all distinguished themselves with work that contributes to public understanding of mental distress.”

Helen said: “I’m very pleased to be on the shortlist. This award is important because it encourages student journalists to engage with mental health issues that are not as prominent in mainstream media.

“Through this kind of journalism we can encourage discussion of sensitive topics in the wider student body.”

The winner will be announced on Wednesday, May 16.

Interviews by Tasha Prest-Smith

N-Powering to the top Sardine students Samantha Shillabeer Deputy News Editor A TEAM of students from Cardiff University has won the final of the npower Energy Challenge 2007, held at Wembley Stadium last week.

The event, attended by universities from around the country, featured groups of students looking at possible ways of saving natural resources.

Due to the predicted energy shortfall of 25GW by the year 2025, students were asked to provide solutions to the question: ‘How should the UK plug the impending energy gap?’

Cardiff’s team, made up of Richard Sidley, Philip Bale, David Clark and Mohammed Omer Khan, were praised for their effective ability to present complex ideas in a clear and concise way.

Their winning idea was to create an innovative and diverse energy mix by reducing reliance on gas, increasing nuclear and coal capacity and developing the Severn Barrage.

Bob Athwal, graduate schemes manager at npower, commented: “I would like to congratulate Cardiff University on their excellent presentation.

“The Energy Challenge 2007 has been a great success.”

The Cardiff team was delighted with the award, with captain Richard Sidley saying: “We are absolutely thrilled with our success.

“It has provided us with an excellent opportunity to think about practical solutions to a critical problem that will affect all of us within our lifetime.”

WINNERS: Cardiff’s npower team

Overcrowding in universities mean lecturers are few and far between Samantha Shillabeer Deputy News Editor BRITISH UNIVERSITIES are being accused of ‘cramming in’ too many students, with staffing levels unable to keep up.

The University and College Union revealed that there were 16.8 students per teacher in 2005-6, an increase on the previous year and above the international ratio of 15.5 students for each staff member.

It was also shown that the UK teaching numbers included ‘atypical’ staff, such as those working as-andwhen required, suggesting that the ratio is actually higher.

Joint general secretary Sally Hunt said: “It is unacceptable that the UK, the fourth largest economy in the

world, is falling behind competitors when it comes to the number of students to each member of teaching staff.”

She added: “We cannot keep cramming more students into our universities and expect the staff to put in even more unpaid time.”

The National Union of Students supported the academics’ complaints.

President Gemma Tumelty claimed that lobbying for more spending on teaching was a main priority.

“That we lag behind Europe and other parts of the world in terms of our GDP spending on higher education is simply not good enough,” she said.

The results come after The National Student Survey revealed that good contact time with staff has a positive effect on students’ overall satisfaction levels.

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WORLD NEWS

MAY.07.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

World News in brief Victoria Lane Reporter

Girls dance on thin ice in West Africa A provocative dance causes upset in Western Africa, as young girls try to fight tradition Corinne Rhoades Deputy News Editor

Kryptonite factor GEOLOGISTS in Serbia have discovered that Kryptonite is no longer fictional.

A mineral has been found that has virtually the same chemical composition as the stone that robs Superman of his powers.

Dr Chris Stanley, a mineralogist at London’s Natural History Museum, commented: “We will have to be careful with it - we wouldn’t want to deprive Earth of its most famous superhero.”

Very glassy art A MAN and woman in China are to live in a glass house for a month as part of a performance art piece.

The 12-square-metre, tworoom cell is divided into two sections, one for each person, and is meant to symbolise the relations of couples in modern society: seemingly transparent but separated by an unseen wall.

Onlookers will be able to see everything, supplies will be put through small holes and waste passed through in plastic bags.

TEENAGE GIRLS in Guinea face being raped by rampaging young men following the emergence of a ‘pornographic’ dance craze.

After a performance by a group from the Ivory Coast, the ‘Wolosso’ dance craze has spread across Guinea’s capital, Conakry.

Its provocative moves have caused much controversy in the largely Muslim country, and the dance itself has been dubbed the ‘buttock-swinging’ dance.

Since then, the police have detained over 30 men in connection with violent attacks on young women who engage in the dancing.

But in some cases, teenagers have been stripped naked and beaten simply because of the way

they are dressed.

Revealing skirts or hipsters which expose parts of the buttocks and midriff are generally associated with Wolosso, and have led to a storm of anger from men who consider it to be improper.

The clothing has also been condemned as too European.

A local resident said: “In a Muslim country like ours we should not be watching and imitating these music videos. I advise all girls and women to dress themselves in proper clothes.”

Although Ivorians deny that the lyrics of Wolosso music are coarse, it is often used as a backing track for pirate videos which contain explicit dancing.

In a backlash to the ‘dirtydancing’, police have reported cases of alleged rape.

Guinea’s capital has now become a hotbed of violence and terror for many young women who fear to venture into Conakry’s suburbs.

The Wolosso dress-style is considered to be extremely fashionable for teenagers, but some have returned to covering themselves with traditional wraps to avoid becoming the next victim of male attack, either physical or verbal.

One young Conakry woman admitted that, although she would not wear the Wolosso outfits at night, she saw nothing wrong with the clothing during the day.

She said: “I don’t see what the problem should be. Everyone has the right to wear what makes them happy. I’m a young girl – should I be forced to dress in a certain way?”imme an I!

GUINEA WOMEN: Tradition versus new INSET: ‘Wolosso’ dance

Magic money Japanese magicians take TV companies to court after they expose the secrets of their tricks James Stileman Reporter A GROUP of 49 Japanese magicians has filed a lawsuit against two local television networks who revealed the secrets behind a series of magic tricks.

Both Nippon Television Network Corp and TV Asahi Corp have been implicated for broadcasting footage that shows how a series of coin tricks are performed.

The lawsuit was filed on Tuesday May 1 and appeals for damages of 1.9 million yen (£8,241).

One aggrieved magician, Shintaro Fujiyama complained: “It takes us many years to develop a coin trick as a professional tool. They must understand how all the time we have spent is wasted by exposure of the trick.”

Fujiyama added: “They have deprived professional magicians

A very rude non-awakening AFTER being stabbed nine times, a US man couldn’t identify his attackers because he slept through the whole ordeal.

The 23-year-old man only discovered he was injured when his girlfriend pointed out that he was covered in blood.

Police are still investigating the attack, which was not reported for seven and a half hours due to the victim’s heavy slumber.

LEGAL MAGIC: Magicians have a lawsuit up their sleeve

of their assets.”

The methods behind the tricks were actually revealed in news broadcasts from the two networks. They appeared in stories in which a magician and a pub landlord were arrested for punching holes in coins, as it is against the law in Japan to melt, damage or deface coins.

TV Asahi Corp claimed that it saw nothing wrong in showing the footage, while Nippon Television Network Corp declined to comment.

Are Aussies going soft?

Holly Bassett Reporter THE BREWER Fosters have decided to relaunch a weaker version of Australia’s biggest selling beer Victoria Bitter (VB), to appeal to the nation’s changing beer tastes.

Previously the favoured drink of students at barbecues and football games, for the first time in 113 years VB will be produced with 3.5% strength instead of five. The distinctive green label will become yellow.

The reason behind the production of this new softer brew seems to be that Australians are abandoning mainstream stronger beers for the midstrength and ‘boutique beers’ or craft beers. Microbreweries such as Little Creatures and Mountain Goat, and new boutique breweries such as Cascade and Boag’s, are proving hugely popular in city pubs, resulting in a dramatic fall in the sales of beer such as VB. It also appears that these new complex beers will only go from strength to strength, as in April boutique breweries requested tax breaks to aid their growth.

Research has also showed that Australian consumers’ preferences are becoming more varied.

Foster’s brand manager, Felicity Watson, explained: “There is just a lot more choice and consumers are no longer attached to one or two brands.”

However, the future for Australia’s old favourite since 1894 may not be so bleak; the new yellow VB will be backed by a $35 million advertising campaign to compete with the softer rival brews.

gairrhydd

9

EDITORIAL & OPINION

MAY.07.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

freewords the voice of gairrhydd

Est. 1972

Whether it’s checking the news feed instead of revising, making a relationship official too soon, or leaving your profile open on a public computer for any joker to edit, most students will claim that Facebook ruins their lives.

Obviously there are benefits to using one of the UK’s biggest networking sites: it’s a simple way to manage a great deal of your ‘social’ life.

But for one Cardiff student, Facebook was more than that. It acted as an instrument of justice in enabling violent thugs to be brought to account.

Yet there have been rumblings ever since the wildfire craze of Facebook started to take hold that such social networking had possibly sinister sideeffects.

This victory for the positive uses of Facebook should not make people forget that it can in exactly the same manner be used to track somebody down for less honourable reasons.

Stalking has been the more obvious fear of the cyber-sceptics, but a further concern could be that a new form of web-based vigilantism could be encouraged by such cases as this Cardiff student’s.

The idea of minor disputes such as a bit of road rage or an angry customer service escalating through Facebookhunting may seem ridiculous, but no more ridiculous than the phenomenal rise of the sites themselves.

As long as we bear in mind how much of our lives can be viewed and who can be viewing them, online networks can continue to be a cyber force for good.

Gold against the odds Cardiff came up trumps on the international stage over Easter.

Our men’s rugby and hockey teams were at the top of their game and have shown the world what they can do. Their superb efforts have done us proud.

Their achievements become all the more impressive when you consider the relatively poor quality of the training facilities our University has to offer. Cardiff University is hardly renowned for its sport. Great players rarely flock here, opting for the Baths and Louthboroughs of the UK instead.

Despite this disadvantageous position, our teams still managed to outclass rivals.

Just imagine what they and our other teams could do if they had the right grounds, the right funds, and perhaps most importantly, the right support of a University who truly believed in the importance of sport in higher education. Our sports men and women could raise the even further if Cardiff University invested in sport.

Now is an appropriate a time as any to remind the University that Cardiff students want them to make this commitment. rence.

They want these facilities because, as the two winning men’s teams have shown, Cardiff University can have sporting excellence. It is only with the help and finances of the University that our other teams can follow in the footsteps of hockey and rugby and shine on the world stage.

ILLUSTRATION: ANDREW STYLES

The 5th emergency service

Mourning News

The news bombards us with increasing death tolls. Those close to home are sensationalised, those further afield are forgotten. Adam Millward blames the media for neglecting the tragedies we do not hear about

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s Josef Stalin (yes, the manically paranoid, pseudo-communistic one) once profoundly declared: ‘One death is a tragedy; one million a statistic.’ A strange notion proposed by a strange man, one might think dismissively, but in my opinion, no stranger than the numerous and contradictory ways in which we currently interpret the tragedy of death – or at least how it’s interpreted for us.

I am stating categorically from the outset that I am not anti-American.

Nor, for the most-part, am I antiBritish. This is not another rant about Americans being brainless or us Brits having a superiority complex. This is a wake-up call to tragedy and how the Western world seems to deal with it, because I feel it’s about time we faced up to some pretty glaring discrepancies.

On April 16, 32 graduates and staff died at the hands of 23-year-old student, Seung-Hoi Cho in the quiet, hitherto-unheard-of Virginian town of Blacksburg.

This is a wake-up call to tragedy and how the Western world deals with it In the aftermath, the shockwaves have been rippling across the planet.

The media were quick to label the murders as the ‘massacre’ at Virginia Tech – ‘the deadliest shooting rampage in the nation’s history’, according to the New York Times. A national – some say international – day of mourning was held on April 20. A memorial website was founded for commiserations such as ‘The sun WILL shine again someday...please god this is the last disaster of this kind’ (Number 33011, Ireland) and other such senti-

ments from all over the globe.

Three days later, multiple bomb blasts shook Baghdad, killing up to 200 Iraqis, some of whom were reconstructing a market that had been bombed the year previously, taking the estimated civilian death toll since the war began into the mid 60,000s.

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), more than a million people die of the easily-treatable disease malaria each year; while in 2004 the average life expectancy under the rule of Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe was an inconceivable 37 for men and just 34 for women.

60,000 Iraqis have died and over a million die each year of malaria.

And then there’s Mugabe For all these victims, weeks of fullscale coverage alluding to ‘tragedy’ have not surfaced. For the most part, they are treated as just another sorry, predictable turn of events; no day of mourning was declared for the victims, past and present, of the oppressive regime in Zimbabwe; no memorial website created for the Iraqis caught in the blasts. All of which leads me to the rather uneasy conclusion that what comprises a modern ‘tragedy’ is not the amount of suffering caused, but the novelty of the suffering being inflicted, and perhaps more significantly, who is being made to suffer.

The Virginia Tech ‘shooting rampage’ is by no means the first time that governments and the media have made out a highly localised event to have scarred an entire country or that by focusing on some events, others have been nelglected.

Off the top of my head: the Titanic; the 2004 tsunami; Dunblane; Princess

Diana; Richard Hammond’s car crash; IRA; the (now superceded) Columbine shootings; Hurricane Katrina – the list is as long as the ‘disasters’ are varied.

7/7, 9/11, the Madrid train bombs and incidents of their kin, tied so intrinsically into the new ‘terrorism’ narrative, seem to be more persistent, but even they are beginning to flutter in and out of the news agenda like so many restless moths drawn towards the fleeting flames when the embers are fanned.

According to the Oxford dictionary, tragedy can be defined as: a sad event; a calamity; a disaster, which in turn, speaks of ‘an event that brings terrible loss, lasting distress or severe affliction’.

This issue of semantics is an important one to consider. Every one of us will have a varying notion of what constitutes a ‘massacre’ or a ‘disaster’ and on infinite levels, will at some point in our lives felt as though we have suffered some form of ‘tragedy’.

I cannot profess to understand how it feels to lose someone close in such disturbing circumstances as a shipwreck or a bomb raid, and I am not denying that for the friends and family of any person who suffers as the result of unforeseen circumstances, it truly is, in every sense of the word, a tragedy. But to a nation – and the world?

On a national day of mourning, can complete strangers really mourn the victims whom they have never met?

And do they have the right to? One has

to sympathise with the loved ones of victims who are confronted with the screaming headlines, photographs and often video footage, replayed and dissected on the world stage, with little hope for the possibility of moving on.

It is high time our media reflected the ‘global community’ we are meant to be living in All death is tragic within its own context. The death of a soldier at war is no more or less of a tragedy for those involved than that of a 109-year-old man who died in his sleep . Scale is not the be-all and end-all, as the 32 deaths in Virginia versus 140 deaths in Iraq stands testament to.

There is no ‘tragic-o-meter’ that I am aware of, which raises the issue of how the media makes its decisions when it comes to mourning news, and asks the uncomfortable question that this piece has been leading to: is it right that one set of rules seems to exist for tragedies that befall ‘us’ (the West) and another for ‘the rest of the world’?

We are meant to be living in an increasingly ‘global community’ – standing at the threshold of an age where borders – geographic, gender, class and beyond – no longer exist. It’s high time our media reflected this, or even better, set an example.

Have your say on what we say. Leave your comments at:

www.gairhydd.com

10 gairrhydd MAY.07.2007

OPINION

OPINION@gairrhydd.COM ILLUSTRATION: ANDREW STYLES

The bilingual boom

A huge number of children speak a different language at home to the English they speak in school. This can only be a good thing, says Rachel Greenwood bout one in seven children at primary school in England, and one in 10 at secondary school, speak a language other than English at home. These figures, revealed in the government’s annual school census, may appear surprisingly large at first glance, but when considered in conjunction with the fact that the British Isles are home to over 350 languages, the initial shock subsides somewhat.

It is common sense to assume that these pupils whose first language is not English usually communicate better and feel more at home, less frustrated and less marginalised when they speak their own language. However, although ideally everybody would be taught in their first language when they first join school, the Human Rights Act does not entitle pupils to an education in their own language, and the logistics of attempting this means that it rarely happens.

Even if the extra funding from the government that is given to schools which have higher proportions of children from ethnic minorities was enough to provide each child with an education in their first language, this type of racial segregation is surely undesirable in a world where cultural tensions are already at frightening levels.

If this situation is to be rectified then the obvious course of action is to integrate people from different ethnic groups together as early as possible, with school being the ideal institution

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to promote this.

Although the fact that linguistic minorities have to acquire proficiency in at least two languages before they can function as full members of the national community in which they live may seem unfair, the social deprivation that they will otherwise encounter means that it is in their best interests to learn English.

Children who speak English as a second language are not necessarily at a disadvantage in terms of reading development It would seem reasonable to expect that this will result in lower achievement at school for pupils who do not speak English at home, but in 2003 a study co-authored by Nonie Lesaux, assistant professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, found that children who speak English as a second language are not necessarily at a disadvantage in terms of reading development.

It was found that by the end of second grade, the children speaking English as a foreign language had attained reading skills that were similar to, and in some cases better than, their native English-speaking counterparts.

Although the study was conducted

Neighbours, as we all know, should be there for one another.

But will they be there for us?

Hannah Pawley looks at the terrifying news that the BBC might drop students’ favourite soap sat with baited breath, eyes wide and fixated on the TV screen. “WHAT!” I suddenly screamed and jumped out of my seat. Is this my reaction to several armed gunmen walking into the quiet, happy place that is Talybont?

No, this is my reaction to Toadie getting shot in Neighbours. Sad?

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Maybe. Slightly deranged? Well, I guess you could argue that too, but you also didn’t see my reaction to hearing that the best soap in the world and my favourite work-avoiding activity might be getting axed by the BBC. The rotters. How dare they take Ramsay Street and its happy residents away from me?

What would I do without my daily

in Canada, there is no reason to believe that the simultaneous acquisition of English reading skills and language proficiency cannot be an effective process in Britain, if the same approach to education as in the schools in the study is adopted.

These remarkable results were achieved with as little as 20 minutes’ intervention by classroom teachers three to four times a week. During these sessions, attention is given to promoting vocabulary knowledge and phonological awareness (that is, the sound system of the language), such as rhyming and sounding out letters to identify the different sounds that make words.

The simplicity of this model means there really is no reason for the rising proportion of children in England’s schools who do not have English as a first language to cause alarm.

Although it is difficult to deny the fact that children who do not speak English will initially be disadvantaged when they enter school, bilingualism is now widely considered to be advantageous, both for the individual and for any country where a lot of its inhabitants have this ability.

Language professionals have claimed that the future will be bilingual, with the present dominance of English expected to give way to a wider mix of languages, primarily as a consequence of the increasing importance of the Asian economy making the proficiency in the languages of this area a desirable, and even economically essential, skill.

For the individual speaker, the metalinguistic awareness created by bilingualism is thought to increase cognitive abilities. Research shows bilinguals achieve better results in school, and subsequently are more employable, and earn more on average than monolinguals.

Furthermore, a study at the University of York in Canada in 2004 suggested that speaking two languages can help keep you mentally agile.

Bilingual volunteers had faster reaction times than their monolingual counterparts and were less likely to suffer from mental decline in old age.

As well as the intellectual benefits of speaking two or more languages, it can also help an individual socially.

The language you speak is closely bound up with your sense of identity

dose of Harold Bishop? Long empty afternoons suddenly stretched out in front of me and I soon realised that maybe I should get a life. Or move to Australia. But I could live without the madcap adventures of the Neighbours cast. Couldn’t I? I was eventually able to stop hyperventilating when I learned that Neighbours wasn’t actually getting axed, but will possibly be moving to ITV or Channel 5; I could still have my daily dose of happiness that comes in the form of Harold and Lou and everything would be right with the world.

Or would it? Would I still be able to watch the fabulous Karl Kennedy and his beard twice a day? What if ITV changed the viewing times? I would have to fail university! This simply isn’t right. And what will fill the slots on the BBC? I could kiss goodbye to

the heavenly afternoon run of Neighbours, Doctors and Diagnosis Murder. This could totally change student life as we know it. And no, I don’t think I’m making too much of a deal out of this. Think of baby Kerry!

Research shows bilinguals achieve better results in school, and subsequently are more employable and how you see the world, which means that being bilingual can make you feel at home in a wider range of social situations, and can give you two slightly different ways of looking at things.

But if linguistic minorities are speaking English at school, their bilingual status is reliant on their first lan-

What if ITV changed the viewing times? I would have to fail university There have been numerous petitions, mainly of the Facebook variety, aimed at saving Neighbours. But to set the record straight: the BBC do not want to axe Neighbours. As far as I can tell, the BBC have had a bit of a tiff with Neighbours producers, Freemantle Media, for trying to up the

guage being promoted elsewhere.

Although the home is the obvious location for this, and could assist in youngsters becoming competent speakers and listeners in their native language, it is unlikely that reading and writing will be an everyday task, and their skills in these areas of language will therefore remain at very basic levels.

To counteract this problem, Dr Charmian Kenner, head of the University of London Institute of Education, has argued that the government should give financial support to community language centres, where children learn the cultural traditions and literacy of their place of origin.

This will also improve their verbal communication skills, as it appears that heritage language retention is successful only if the language is used in multiple contexts, which not only allows for sufficient input for continued language development but also helps the child realise the usefulness of the language and provides motivation.

The economic benefits for Britain that bilingualism produces, in terms of both helping our country to be a dominant force in the business world and reducing healthcare costs as people remain mentally alert for longer, means that the news that an increasing number of youngsters can speak languages other than English should be celebrated as a positive situation, rather than conservatively interpreted as yet another attack by foreigners on our British identity.

price from £25,000 per episode to a scary £100,000 per episode. All that money to watch Paul Robinson being evil and Zeke Kinski’s voice break?

Crazy.

But it seems that even the BBC needs good Neighbours. What with the massive ratings, and the fact that Neighbours is the second longest running soap in the UK (that’s right, the show is even older than Eastenders), can the BBC really afford to lose the Aussie series? And, more importantly, can we? With cameos from Little Britain stars Matt Lucas and David Walliams (which should appear later this year), it seems that the BBC’s spat with Neighbours couldn’t come at a worse time.

And as for whether the show is really worth £100,000 an episode: you bet your Karl Kennedy it is.

gairrhydd

11

EDITORIAL & OPINION

MAY.07.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

Sex, drugs and alcohol Even for under-18s, how much difference can a glass of wine make? A lot, according to Alcohol Concern. Lucy Thackray begs to differ

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y family table is the kind where having a glass of wine with the meal is never in question. From around the age of eight I can remember being offered sips of alcohol: diluted red wine with a Sunday roast, Bucks Fizz or champagne on New Year’s Eve and ‘snowballs’ at Christmas. It was never ceremoniously done, and alcoholic drinks weren't particularly singled out as something exciting or potent – just another option alongside soft drinks.

Alcohol Concern are pushing for the legal age that children can be given alcohol at home to be raised from 5 to 15, claiming that it is childhood drinking which has contributed to the concerning rise of alcohol consumption by 11-13 year olds.

Not only would this be utterly impossible to enforce, it is entirely missing the point about teen binge drinking. Kids are aware of alcohol and the fact that it is an adult privilege, as every person who ever sipped their Ribena from a wine glass and pretended it was Chianti will know.

MARMOSETS: Sexed up?

Katherine Webster-Duncan and Amy Simpson discuss the development of a new wonder drug that will not only increase a woman’s libido, but help her to lose weight as well

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re you girls feeling fat and frumpy? Do you always feel a “headache” coming on at bedtime? Well… fear not ladies (and gents!) – a new ‘wonder drug’ is coming your way that will turn your lusting thoughts away from those doughnuts and onto your man.

After thirty years of research, scientists from the Medical Research Council’s Human Reproduction Unit in Edinburgh have produced a hormone release pill, which could boost women’s libidos and simultaneously reduce their appetite.

Up to 40% of women experience low libidos at some point. But is a drug really the answer?

So far the drug has only been tested on female marmoset monkeys and musk shrews. The male species didn’t know what had hit them when the female animals displayed some hot new moves such as tongue flicking, eyebrow rising, and naughty “rump presentation” in an attempt to attract

the male. The drug hasn’t ‘publicly’ been tried out on humans, but just take a quick look at the amount of tail-wagging and rump presentation on MTV or St Mary Street on a Saturday night.

We suspect that there may be a few ladies that have been testing the drug.

With the arrival of this wonder pill then, will we all be behaving like animals, doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel? Viagra is taken by around 900,000 men in the UK, yet this pill could prove to be more successful and effective, combating the sex drive, and not just the sexual function.

Up to 40% of women experience low libidos at some point. However, is a drug really the answer? The testosterone patch Intinsia is soon to become available to women, and this new pill could be available within ten years.

But psychologist Lesley Perman-Kerr comments that problems in the bedroom usually stem from relationship issues rather than biological factors.

So rather than waiting ten years to drop a pill, is it time to drop your man?

The type 2 Gonadotrophin-releasing hormone has so far produced no known side-effects in the animals, but rather an unusual perk was discovered.

You’d expect all this promiscuity to

increase the appetite; however, results showed that the female monkeys and shrews consumed a third less food than usual. Perman-Kerr suggests this will be the dominant reason for the pill’s success. Considering that a majority of British women are unhap-

Alcohol Concern’s proposal would give alcohol a ‘forbidden fruit’ status that it simply doesn’t need My early wine experiences demystified alcohol for me; it was present, safe, drunk in sensible quantities and a firm part of our gastronomic culture. The idea that children brought up in this way are the worst vodka-swilling teen culprits is laugh-

house, the repression becomes unbearable and results in their kids secretly gorging in risky situations. In France and Italy children are given wine from an early age, and sensible, relaxed drinking is considered a central part of family culture. Studies have shown that binge drinking isn’t such a problem in these countries, and drinks are spaced out throughout the week, often with meals.

The only effect of my parents’ booze education is that I can differentiate between a Merlot and a Shiraz It is important that children are aware of alcohol and its place in culture; that it doesn’t become an unnecessary taboo, waiting to be stumbled upon aged 12 in the form of White Lightning in the park. Alcohol Concern’s proposal would create a bizarre relationship between children and alcohol, giving it a sort of ‘forbidden fruit’ status that it simply doesn’t need.

I hope that in the future I could judge when to introduce my children to alcohol guilt-free, providing them with what I feel is a healthy attitude towards social drinking before the curiosity of adolescence kicks in.

Leading by example is the only way forward for improving teenage drinking statistics, as is providing a safe and happy home environment where your family wants to drink and socialise with you (rather than the teenager lying about their whereabouts and shoplifting spirits to get

So far the drug has only been tested on female marmoset monkeys and musk shrews py with their bodies and spend up to six months of each year on a diet (more time than they spend sleeping or raising children), we predict that this new lifestyle drug will be extremely popular.

And guys, don’t fret if you’re the one with the lost ‘mojo’ – there are plans under way to produce a male version of the pill (although this hasn’t been tested yet). Perhaps the researchers are assuming there will be less need for it, as a copy of Playboy would already do the trick for most.

Would you use this pill? Let us know at www.gairrhydd.com

ALCOHOL: A question of balance able – in my experience, the last few of my friends to drink were the ones downing ghastly alcopops like there was no tomorrow, not being accustomed to the taste, nor having any knowledge of what constitutes a pleasant beverage.

The only ostensible effect of my parents’ ‘irresponsible’ booze education is that I can differentiate between a Merlot and a Shiraz, and I didn't drink myself into a stupor when let loose in freshers’ week. As with parents who don't discuss sex, or ban boyfriends or girlfriends from the

that first taste).

Teenagers are given a very bad press when it comes to binge drinking, but I can reflect that in my last year as a valid teen me and many of my friends handled the transition fairly well. All experimentation must happen eventually, and for alcohol that time should start gradually over childhood, declassifying it from ‘naughty’ to ‘normal’, and instilling some much-needed indifference towards the substance into future generations.

gairrhydd 13

OPINION

MAY.07.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

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? ? The Ridler ??

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New ideas, same solutions

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The Beginning of The End

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anting is the preserve of the columnist, whether you’re in the mood for it or not. Any opinion writer worth his (or her) embittered salt should be able to find some target to spew their vitriol at, or at least find something that vaguely deserves a discussion.

Today however, I am struggling with this task in quite a disquieting way. The sun is burning in the blue springtime sky, the leaves are shivering away in the refreshing breeze, while the crowds below gr towers waft their way between town and lectures, grinding revision and ground coffee.

Erstwhile I sit on a chair in the afternoon heat, fanned by one of the gaggle of fans cooling this oven that our climatically adjusted writers call an office, slowly, inextricably ticking away the time towards the day when the university will finally no longer be the source of my daily entertainment, and I will be forced to face the peril of becoming that scariest of all things: a real person.

That means jobs, and interviews.

Worst of all, it means tax and paying back my student loan. No more free money for me, not any more.

Considering all of this on a day like today would lead even the least nostalgic among us to have pangs of wistfulness, urging the clock to tick slower so

I don’t have to leave this city which has been my home, through thick and thin, better and worse, for the last three years.

I’ll miss the Union, and the farcical nature of student politics, the dressing up parade every spring which passes as an election campaign, and the fears and tears that I’ve witnessed covering the election results.

I’ll miss Fun Factory, the crush and push of Come Play and the ever more fantastic antics of Rubber Duck. I’ll even miss sticking to the floor in Metros.

If you’re getting firsts in your first year exams, then you’re wasting your life Cardiff truly is a great city to live in, and while it’s not perfect, it doesn’t have the crime rates or crush of London, the sheer size and navigational complexity of Birmingham or the gun crime of Nottingham.

Everything in this city is within easy reach, most things within walking distance, and if that wasn’t enough in terms of venue choice, Swansea and Newport are just a half hour away, Bristol, Cheltenham and Gloucester just a little bit more.

What teetering upon the cusp of departing Cardiff has made me realise is just how many great times I’ve had here. What other university city of similar size can boast such a fantastic range of pubs, clubs, gig venues, theatres, cinemas and sports teams, whilse housing a Russell Group university with such a strong sense of identity, a mixed group of students and a thriving collection of societies including our own fiercely independent student newspaper?

By now I imagine that I sound like a University recruitment advert, but believe me when I say that I’m not being paid enough to write for the University. So why my sudden burst of uncontained joy spewing out across the page? Well, I’m actually going to miss it, and I’m allowed to reminisce, as painful as it may be.

I guess there are plenty of you out there wondering what the hell I’m on about. A year or two of averagely boring lectures interspersed by nights out in clubs you can’t really remember are what memories of Cardiff are about, right? That’s certainly a fair assessment of my first year, but let me make just one point.

Don’t throw away a second here because before you know it, you’ll be facing your finals without a clue where the last three years went, feeling like an 18-year-old but appreciating that in six weeks time the world is

going to expect its fair contribution from you.

Don’t worry about joining societies that you’ll probably hate, or those that are full of cliquey people with their cliquey in-jokes, because if you don’t go you’ll never know just what they can offer in return.

If you’re getting any firsts in your first year exams then you’re wasting your life. Trust me, I got one. It was in psychology, a subsidiary module which I hated with a venom and have never looked at since. Not really worth the four solid days of revision.

Stick you’re neck on the line once in a while, go and try something you’ve always wanted to, and see what happens. It’s possibly the last chance in you’re life to do things with the safety net that university, especially Cardiff, offers.

I’d like to think that I’d made a lot of the opportunities at university, but I know I let chances slip. I didn’t do enough in my first two years and I’ll always regret that. Cardiff is a great opportunity, and I’m going to miss it immensely.

Right, well as the sun begins to sink to a level low enough to dazzle my laptop screen, I’m going to have to stop whinging.

Maybe I’ll head down to the Union letting agency and get housing lists for next year. Suppose that would solve the whole issue.

new report released by the United Nations top experts has been hailed as a turning point in global warming by the BBC. Once again though, I fail completely to see what is so groundbreaking about it.

Taken as barebones recommendations, they have suggested that we can solve global warming, but that we need to bring down greenhouse gas emissions, and that we can do this by increasing energy efficiency, using more environmentally friendly fuels and cutting carbon emissions all round by using greener renewable energy sources. Truly groundbreaking.

The only new idea here is a confirmation that global warming is indeed solvable. Wheteher or not we solve it is going to take more than a report though.

Trouble is, no matter what group of experts say whatever they want, it’s going to take political guts to force people to change their lifestyles.

While most people acknowledge the threat posed by global warming, they are not willing to actually do anything about it. A system of passing the buck has developed, with government dodging commitments to renewable energy and individuals arguing that they can’t afford to become eco-friendly Karl Kennedy look-alikes. Both have points.

Essentially, it’s clear for anyone to see that continuing on this path is never going to solve the problem of global warming. The paper wasted on churning out incessant reports far outweighs the benefits of them by now, surely.

It needs a domestic government with the guts to introduce legislation to stop individuals and industry from polluting and to make a longterm commitment to long-term, clean renewable energy sources in the face of popular disapproval.

That’s the problem with democracy, nobody elects someone who upsets them even if they’re doing it for the greater good.

Reports are a way of applying pressure and more of this needs to be applied at a government level where a real difference can be made with the swoop of a pen.

Currently, we’re missing our next target for lowering carbon dioxide emissions, and unless somebody gets some political gumption, that won’t change. Endless reports are all well and good, but concrete and radical change is what I would like to hear.

14 gairrhydd

OPINION

MAY.07.2007 LETTERS@gairrhydd.COM

letters@gairrhydd.com The gair rhydd website is a great place to discuss your opinions about articles featured in the paper. However, don't forget that you can e-mail any of your opinions on other matters to the letters page. Write a letter and send it to letters@gairrhydd.com and you’re in with a chance of getting Letter of the Week and winning vouchers to spend in the union!

T

his week saw the arrival of the awful news that Neighbours might be getting moved off the BBC due to extended negotiations over broadcasting rights.

This has got many students up in arms- you only need to look on Facebook to see that! ITV and Five have already beeen connected with bids for the programme but it is not known how much the BBC have bid for the popular student soap opera.

One of the comments (right) claims to know that the offer the BBC have put in is £70,000 per episode, but no-one

knows if this is going to be enough to keep Neighbours where it belongs.

The news that a student in Wales is studying the traditional Sunday lunch as her degree did not go down well with many Cardiff students. Ms Carl is a visual communications student who believes that studying the Sunday roast will show that reports of its downfall are exaggerated.

The public smoking ban which came into force in Wales on 2nd April was another topic of contention. Some see it as excellent as it means we all won’t come home from a night out stinking of fags.

letter of the week

Election rant Dear gair rhydd, I'm writing about the 'Science and Environment' article on Global Warming (GR: April 30th 2007).

I understand Hazel Plush's concerns: I saw part of the programme she refers to myself, and it certainly was presented in a convincing manner. It seems, however, that in the case of this documentary, the evidence used to make the case was pretty unreliable. In a report by the Independent following the documentary it was claimed that the graphs presented in the programme were:

"...distorted, mislabelled or just plain wrong".

In several cases, including the 'correlation' between sunspot numbers and temperature rise, and the plot of average global temperature over the past 120 years - which formed a significant portion of the evidence supporting the thesis of the programme the data that was presented in the programme appears to have been long out of date. The most recent data on these trends did not support the case being made in the documentary. The maker of the documentary has admitted to "serious errors" and having made "a fluff".Furthermore, I don't really think, given the choice, that politicians really want to have to deal

I like pea soup Londanium is a fun place to be in the dead og night Red bull does not give you wings, it gives you a dodgy tummy and a restless sleep peter the duck says happy bday are you listening dr david grant?

We’re shouting loud and clear laurie is a cock whoop if you hate the feeling room 4, tal-y-bont, friday after AAA you bloody know EXACTLY what I’m talking about Amy

text: 07791165837

@

We appreciate all the comments on the gair rhydd website. It is good that the debates are really starting to fire up!

WIN WIN WIN The letter selected to be Letter of the Week will receive vouchers to spend in the Union, including CF10, the box office and the shop

with climate change. What could be more of a pain in the neck for the governments of Developed Nations than to change the fundamental nature of their energy-generating framework - which is what keeps Developed Nations in their (global) positions of economic power? Why else would America, in particular, have been so reluctant to accept climate change until recently? The only reason I think Global Climate Change is on the political agenda is because there has been such a movement in public opinion on this matter.

It may not always be safe to rely entirely on scientist's conclusions but in this case, I believe we should stick with the view of the overwhelming majority of climate scientists on this issue.

Piers Horner.

Comments about the article ‘A Neighbour-ly dispute’ “"It is not known how much the broadcaster has offered for rights to the soap." Their initial offer was £70,000 an episode. And given that Fremantle Media's parent company, RTL, also owns Channel 5, I suspect that's where Neighbours will be going.”

“Speaking as someone who had the good sense and foresight to realise that the “real world” of nine to five, Monday to Friday employment isn’t really all its cracked up to be I would heartily recommend postgrad study up to and including PhD level. Another four, five or even six more years of being a student-just without lectures or exams, bliss!

Thus the news that Neighbours may be resigned to the dustbin of British Television is indeed tragic for those of us who rely on Neighbours to start the day and had intended for it to for the foreseeable future.”

Comment on the article ‘Roast anyone?’

“The really annoying thing is Ms Carl probably got funding for her no doubt enthralling study into the social consequences of the preparation and consumption of a roast meal in Welsh family homes. Just think of the implications for society her conclusions will bring! I for one will sleep soundly well into Sunday afternoon knowing that my neighbour will be tucking into a steaming lump of roast meat.”

Comment on the public Smoking ban in Wales.

“I have mixed feelings on this.

Firstly I, like most students at some point, have worked in a bar so I know how bloody awful it is to come home from work stinking of cigs. Nonetheless attempting to reduce second hand smoke can only

be seen in a positive, in principle at least. However the libertarian side of me thinks that if you don’t smoke and don’t want to smoke other peoples smoke then go to a non-smoking pub or stay at home and on top of that doesn’t anyone else see the paradox of trying to stop non-smoking from harming themselves inadvertently when they?re consuming an intoxicating, addictive and damaging substance?

How to solve all this? Well you give people all the help they want to quit and if they don’t want it then let them kill themselves in peace.

The same applies to alcoholics who won’t try to stop or cut down on their drinking, obese people who won’t start exercising and drug addicts who won’t try to get clean.

If you don’t want to help the NHS help you in your treatment then you’ll die. Frankly if that doesn’t make people quit then they’re eligible for a pre-posthumous Darwin Award.”

Comments on Sue Lent- Running for Labour in the Assembly elections on 3rd May. “New Labour's Sue Lent is hilarious. She begins by saying that she is . . . er, probably against fees, because she vaguely feels that people should have to pay for education.You might then expect her to put the arguments for free education! Does she turn her fire on the government? No, of course not!

Then to rub it in, she says besides people never mention that in the old days some people paid tuition fees anyway.”What a powerful fighter for free education! With friends like these, does the student movement need enemies? Answers on a postcard and send it to Sue c/o New Labour Central

gairrhydd

15

POLITICS

MAY.07.2007 POLITICS@gairrhydd.COM

Too many alternatives Aisling Tempany and Philip Dore consider the multitude of socialist parties and what they mean for the left wing

S

ocialist political groups and organizations seem to be everywhere lately. The crossroads by the humanities building are blocked with a different one every week. So many parties, and yet they have so little real power.

The recent elections in Wales presented the voting public with a mass of far-left socialist parties, a mass that exposes the farce that socialism has gradually become.

In South Wales Central, the voting area of Cardiff, there were five socialist parties running out of a total of thirteen parties. The Socialist Labour Party, the Socialist Equality Party, the Socialist Alternative party, Respect and the Welsh Communist Party stood against each other.

These socialist groups have found themselves in a sorry state, which perhaps betrays the ideals of unity and solidarity they claim to represent.

Rather than standing together to confront the problems of modern Wales, and offering a real challenge and alternative to Labour, the socialists have become divided over minor issues. It seems that they have lost their way, focusing on their petty differences.

Speaking to representatives of

Socialist Equality, Socialist Alternative and the Welsh Communist Party, it seemed as if all the parties were really campaigning for the same changes.

When asked why there were so many separate parties, there seemed to be the general feeling that they all felt united on central issues.

It was impossible to stop thinking of Monty Python’s Life of Brian. Each party came across overall as petty, concerned with their small differences from each other, instead of their huge similarities.

Chris Talbot, a candidate for Socialist Equality in South Wales, said that “there are strong historical differences between the groups.” Alex Thrave, secretary of Socialist Alternative, felt that “some of the other parties seem to push socialism into the background,” but at the same time wanted “maximum unity among the parties on the left.”

And the general secretary of the Welsh Communist Party, Robert Griffiths, was perhaps more blunt about their relationship with the other socialist parties: “at least two of the other four don’t really exist in any meaningful way outside of election time – the Socialist Equality Party and Socialist Labour Party.”

SOCIALIST: and another, and another, and another...

Neither the Socialist Labour Party and Respect were answering their contact phone numbers, but no doubt they would have said something in a similar vein about each other. A day before an election I’m sure they were just too busy to speak.

Of course, for the socialists to real-

ly be a force against the main political parties they would also need to consider the way they come across. Their manifestos and campaigns read like the ramblings of a sixth form student in a Che Guevara t-shirt.

The other parties fair no better. The Socialist Equality party’s campaign, in Wales?

Plaid Cymru, Wales’ nationalist party, makes no secret of its wish for further legislative measures and taxlevying powers to be passed to Cardiff Bay, suggesting that it too feels cheated by the devolution settlement.

Even the new Act, which allows for Wales to legislate in areas over which it is responsible, fails to excite the party, as Welsh Secretary Peter Hain will have the power to prevent the Assembly from legislating on any issue if he so wishes.

From that point, there will only be one stop left on the devolution journey SENEDD: reflecting the pace of democratic change in Wales?

Evolving devolution Cemlyn Davies Political Correspondent

A

s the dust settles on the third elections to the National Assembly for Wales, questions over the success – or failure – of devolution to date will occupy many newspaper

columns.

There are many reasons for believing that devolution is failing the people of Wales.

The fact that the Richard Commission, set up to supply “a detailed study of the 1998 devolution settlement and its impact on the way Wales is governed”, was needed in the

first place suggests that devolution has not done enough; the Commission’s findings underlined the Assembly’s weaknesses.

Following these elections a new Government of Wales Act is coming into force, replacing the 1998 Act; does this need for a new Act also suggest that devolution has not succeeded

However, Ron Davies’ famous line should be remembered when any assessment of devolution is made: “Devolution is a process, not an event”, claimed the then Secretary of State.

Could it not be argued therefore that the Richard Commission and the new Government of Wales Act – shaped, in part, by the Commission’s proposals – are merely part of the process?

It is for this reason that Plaid Cymru, as a political party whose end goal is to secure self-governance for Wales, must be content with how devolution is progressing.

Though the party could point out certain issues that have disappointed

from which I have a dozen flyers (saving the environment maybe not their priority), is full of phrases like, “The anarchy and wastefulness of the profit system is increasingly incompatible with the complex needs of modern civilization.” Quite.

Possibly the best thing about Socialist Equality’s manifesto is their end statement: “help fight for a socialist alternative!” Is that not their rival party?

The campaign teams for each of the parties come across as intelligent, persuasive people, until they get into their manifestos and morph into Rik Mayall’s character from the Young Ones.

The socialists have filled their manifestos with ideas that everyone could support, and strike at the heart of many political issues at the moment – withdrawal from Iraq; abolishing tuition fees; reducing national debt; improving the NHS. They all want to fight against the BNP and fill the vacuum created by New Labour.

The Socialist Alternative commented that they would like “maximum unity amongst all parties on the left.”

All parties concerned claim to have been getting good responses from the voters. So why remain a series of small, laughable jokes?

The parties continue with their naïve belief that having almost as many parties as voters is a way to achieve success, and until this situation is reconsidered there will not be even a slight chance of some Marxist utopia at the end of the tunnel. over the last eight years, ultimately and perhaps privately the party must be in disbelief at how fast and smooth the process is progressing.

One need only look at how far Wales has come in such a short amount of time to realise that this is surely the case. From being a country governed by a Conservative party which was struggling to make any electoral headway in Wales a decade ago, the principality now has its own elected officials to act on its behalf in its own political institution.

The travesty of democracy that existed before 1997 has been corrected and the people of Wales can now have a say on how they are governed.

From last Thursday, the new Act has extended the Assembly’s legislative powers, and the clause within the Act allowing for a referendum to be called before 2011 on gaining a fullylegislative parliament for Wales means that by the time the next Assembly elections take place, Wales could have its own parliament.

From that point, there will only be one stop left on the devolution journey – self-governance for Wales.

Whether that is achieved, and whether devolution is allowed to reach its destination will be up to the people of Wales and it can only be hoped that the Welsh citizens will seize the opportunity to use their new-found voice and begin to determine their country’s future.

If they do, how could anybody suggest that devolution has failed the Welsh people?

16 gairrhydd

FEATURES

MAY.07.2007 FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

Cardiff volunteers lend a h

Hundreds of students carry out voluntary work in the most desperat the world every year. Huw Thomas investigates what they do and wh

W

hen a 7.6 magnitude earthquake struck Pakistan-administered Kashmir in the autumn of 2005, the human cost quickly became staggering. 75,000 people were killed, and an estimated 3.3 million people, more than the population of Wales, were instantly displaced.

The people that the earthquake made homeless, and the devastation that it reaped on the remotest villages of the North-East Frontier Province and the Kashmir Valley, meant that those left alive were often injured and isolated. The plight of the survivors of the quake inspired one of the world’s largest aid efforts, and saw the United Nations head a mission into Pakistan that remains in full operation 15 months on.

Among the international response were thousands of individ-

uals who left their ordinary lives in Cardiff, San Francisco, Munich, Nagasaki and countless other towns and cities worldwide to donate their physical strength and their specialist knowledge to the tragedy that had unfolded. It was the largest movement of relief workers since the Boxing Day Tsunami of 2004.

Doctor Noel Thomas is a retired GP from the South Wales valleys. He travelled to Pakistan in December 2005 with Medicins du Monde, a French medical relief agency that set up camp at the foothills of the Kaghan Valley.

“I’d retired a few months earlier, and had itchy feet to do something different,” said Dr. Thomas, speaking to me on a crystal clear mobile phoneline from the remote African country of Lesotho, where he is currently based on a different project.

In Pakistan, Dr. Thomas was assigned to Jaba camp, a sprawling tented city three hours north of Islamabad, which multiplied like a canvas bacteria as countless families, orphans and widows flooded down from the mountains.

“By early December, when I arrived, there were 3, 000 people in Jaba. In a month there were another 1500 displaced souls,” he said.

A freezing winter was engulfing the region.

In previous years the heavy snows of January and February would regularly cut off the sporadically placed towns for weeks; while the hillside dwellers were prepared for the elements, they were not equipped for the destruction the quake had mercilessly heaped on their dusty doorsteps.

Cardiff medical student Betsan in Lesotho

So what motivated Dr. Thomas to go? “For years I’d wanted to visit Pakistan, and for years I’d had a burning desire to practise medicine abroad,” the soft and well-spoken voice giving away little of the misery he witnessed in the mountains of the Asian sub-continent. “I’ve practised family medicine in Maesteg [near Bridgend, South Wales] for near on four decades, and to be honest some of the techniques I’ve used over the years came in pretty handy.” Dr. Thomas spent much of his time at the Jaba camp assessing refugees from the mountains as they reached their safe haven. He saw around 50 patients a day, most with broken limbs and mild trauma, and many suffering from the effects of post-traumatic stress.

“Most distressing of all was seeing the plight of women left widowed by the disaster,” he said. “Given the dreadful problems women face in Pakistan, then widowhood, disabling or cosmetic injury – and the absence of moral and financial support from the state – it creates an impossible burden.

Often it made one feel at a loss to help.”

Considering the scale of the disaster, and the ever-sprawling refugee camp, was this a common feeling?

“Yes and no. You were always aware that there was no social services system to step in once the superficial injuries had been treated. The camp had counsellors, but the refugees weren’t there long-term. I didn’t feel I could change the world, but I knew they needed all the help they could get.

I was a small cog in the machinery that moved in to try and salvage something from the carnage the quake left behind.”

There’s always a feel-good factor that comes with voluntary work, but what happens when good intentions are involuntarily bad? Cathrin Daniel is executive director of Dolen Cymru, the Wales-Lesotho Link, which runs exchanges between Wales and Lesotho. “The people we consider for placements in Lesotho are usually pro-

fessionals; the majority of the graduates we accept are newly qualified teachers,” she says as we climb the stairs into the Dolen offices at Cardiff’s Coal Exchange. A building once at the centre of the industrial revolution and world commerce now commands a more modest role in exchanging teachers, doctors, accountants and pharmacists with a tiny Aidsravished African nation.

Most distressing of all was seeing the plight of women left widowed by the disaster In the 21st, work experience is passé, and having some foreign volunteering to talk about in job interviews is far more fashionable. Are self-gratifying graduates flocking to Dolen clutching CVs that want to scream ‘I saved an African’? “We have a lot of people who contact us saying they’d like to volunteer in Lesotho,” says Cathrin. But she’s quick to point to one recent example where too many people craving an ego boost can do more harm than good. “Organisations like ours who send people abroad learned lessons in the wake of the Tsunami, when a lot of people went over there thinking they could help, and ended up causing a lot of problems. It’s the kind of thing people don’t like to hear.”

Cathrin says the Boxing Day Tsunami triggered an ‘I want to help’ feeling in most of us, but often a charity donation works better than jumping on the next plane to a region in need.

“You have to take into consideration the sustainability of the kind of work they’re going to do, their preconceptions, and that they might have an

extreme culture shock once they’re there.” It’s the people who make or break an organisation like Dolen, so Cathrin says they’re pretty stringent before letting anyone travel. “We’re very wary about sending people to Lesotho, and make sure they’re well trained before going, and well-supported once they arrive. We’re not an international volunteering organisation as such, we have to make sure the people we send can do the job once they arrive.”

But once you’re through the selection process, working in a country like Lesotho can be immensely rewarding.

The country is renowned for its hospitality in the face of sickness and poverty.

At 64, Dr. Thomas admits he’s not in Lesotho to enhance his CV, or impress any future employers. It’s an alternative choice for retirement, and the chance of a relocation for a man who has had enough of the NHS but isn’t ready for an easy life touring the Welsh golf courses.

Cathrin has her own theories about why professionals leave their comfort zones for a life changing stint in Africa. “I think people who go to Lesotho get a lot out of it, both personally and professionally. A lot of our volunteers are middle-aged, their kids have grown up and they want to try something completely different.”

While Dolen’s volunteers are providing training and professional services in Lesotho, they don’t just get a feeling of satisfaction in return. “They bring back skills they never would have picked up in Wales,” says Cathrin. “Trainee teachers return with tips on how to control rebellious classrooms from their African counterparts.

Likewise, when professionals from Lesotho come over here, they take away a different perspective on their own jobs.”

So what next for Dr. Thomas? “I haven’t given it much thought really, I’ll come back to Wales in April and stay at home for a few months. Then

gairrhydd 14

FEATURES

MAY.07.2007 FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

The New Build Uganda: Creating opportunities in Africa

hand

e regions of hy they do it.

see what my options are. Who knows, I may be back in Lesotho next winter.”

Cathrin’s under no illusions about what effect a stint in the tiny nation can have on a volunteer. “The people who have made this kind of personal connection to Lesotho in the way that our members and supporters have… Well, really it becomes one of the most important things in their lives.”

Medical students from Cardiff are frequent visitors to Lesotho, often as part of their final year electives. While respiratory diseases and heart conditions flood Welsh hospitals, Lesotho is home to silent killers. Aids has a 40% prevalence amongst adults in Lesotho, while TB is the other big killer. A little boy growing up in the capital, Maseru, would not expect to live past his 36th birthday.

Yet Cathrin is keen to promote the similarities between these two small nations, thousands of miles apart.

“Lesotho’s roughly the same size as Wales, with a slightly smaller population. They’re bilingual. The official language there is English, and they’re a small country dominated by a much larger neighbour!” she laughs.

“They’re really mountainous, with a sheep-farming tradition; we have that pastoral culture in common.”

At the moment Dr. Thomas is based at St. James’ hospital in the remote Mantsonyane area, in Lesotho’s central mountainous region. He agrees there are similarities with Wales – but the differences are pretty stark. “There are three or four one-room drinking dens in the nearest town, a supermarket of sorts that sells 56kg bags of flour, bridles and horse-shoes…

“Most people manage a few words of English, and while the hospital is better equipped than I expected, we run out of essential equipment for days or weeks at a time.”

He’s been there since December, and provides continuous on-call cover along with a few Congolese doctors.

‘We spend most of the day seeing people in clinics; many have TB, Aids or just look pretty grotty to say the least.’

Dan Smith reports on one of the many student volunteering projects contributing aid and resources to Uganda

T

he sun prepares itself for its sweep across the crisp blue sky, from the Maayan rock to the trees where the monkeys play.

Bare feet and big babbling grins walk along red Marum road toward the Maaya Primary school.

Some have risen before the sun to walk miles to school, believing that if they go to school they will become doctors and lawyers. But all will sit in the stifling darkness of cramped classrooms, straining for light through the small windows. Or outside under the unforgiving sun, thirsty and fighting to concentrate, their only shelter from the sun or the violent, sudden bursts of rain being a tarpaulin stretched between sticks.

Most students will share a classroom and a

teacher with the other years because such a remote school does not get much attention. Teachers are loath to stick around when they spend more than they earn simply getting to work.

Each child is allocated less than 80 Ugandan shillings, which equates to less than 3p per child – not even enough to buy chalk or food, let alone textbooks.

This is the situation that The New Build Uganda works to improve. Last year we raised almost £20,000. Six students went to Maaya to help with the construction of two teachers’ houses, an extra classroom and a 10,000 litre water tank. So now the teachers can stay at school dur-

ing the week, and all of the children can study at their own level with one teacher per year group.

The New Build Uganda was started by two graduates in response to the problems identified by exchange teachers organised through the Food For Thought program. FFT runs educational programs in Ugandan primary schools and links them with British primary schools. On visits to their links schools, the British teachers were astounded by the lack of facilities and over crowding of the Ugandan primary schools.

In the North of Uganda, people face a far uglier problem: the ramifications of war. 20 years of civil war has decimated Northern Uganda and forced all the outlying villages into IDP

(Internally Displaced People) camps around the town of Gulu. For 20 years children have grown up with no opportunity to learn the skills that their fathers had learned through farming because their families have been forced from the land in fear for their lives.

In 2005 15 students and young people travelled to Gulu to build a vocational training centre at the Keyo IDP camp just outside Gulu, working around curfews imposed by the military. Now there is somewhere for young people to learn the skills of their forefathers; skills which they can use to support their families and earn a living for themselves, so that they can give their children the opportunities which were denied to them.

On both projects a group of young women from the Norwood Business Training School, Gulu, volunteered to help us. The Norwood Business Training School, set up by Aliker Patrick and Odebe Jedikiah from a small rented room, is now obtaining some of the best results in the country.

The graduates go on to work for local government or with NGOs in the area.

But it has become so successful that it

Last year The New Build Uganda raised almost £20,000 to educate children in Uganda

Ashamed of your mobile? Donate it The challenge of finding a larger premises for The Norwood Business Training School needs to be financed, and that means fundraising. This summer two groups of volunteers will travel to Gulu to help with the project. The second team of volunteers, with specialist skills, will finish the project in September so that the school will have reliable electricity and Internet facilities.

In order to do all of this, however, they need to raise money. Recently five people raised £500 by taking part in the gruelling 55 mile walk around Greater Manchester, the Bogle Stroll. They are also planning a sponsored hike through the Brecon Beacons later this month.

One of the easiest ways to help us raise money is by donating your old mobile phone to The Phone Amnesty, at one of many points around Cardiff University. With the recycling partner they can generate £5 for every old mobile phone that we collect to recycle, helping the environment as well as building a brighter future for the children of Uganda.

For more information visit The New Build website at www.thenewbuild.org.uk/, Or check out the facebook group: Building Schools in Africa, The New Build Uganda.

18 gairrhydd

SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT

MAY.07.2007 SCIENCE@gairrhydd.COM

Are you lonesome tonight?

After 85 years without a mate, ‘Lonesome George’ may finally be in luck George Pawley Environment Correspondent

L

ife as a tortoise must seem very long and arduous at times.

However for ‘Lonesome George’, the only Pinta tortoise known to zoologists for decades, loneliness must have been added into the bargain as well.

The Giant tortoise was thought to be the last survivor of his species when discovered in 1972, after the Pinta’s numbers had rapidly declined in their habitat on the volcanic slopes of Pinta, part of the Galapagos Islands.

Lonesome George currently holds the Guinness World Record for being the loneliest creature in the world, however, after 35 years in captivity, 85-year-old George’s quest for a soulmate may be near an end.

Geneticists researching on nearby Isabela Island have possibly discovered a Pinta-Isabela cross tortoise with a DNA matching that of George, raising new hopes that the Pintas can be bred and released on the Galapagos.

Bryan Milstead, head of vertebrate research with the Charles Darwin Foundation, is certainly excited by the prospect of this; “If any individuals of undisputed Pinta ancestry are found, we would certainly want to develop a captive breeding programme around them,” he noted.

LONESOME GEORGE: Needs to come out of his shell Although the animal - known as PBR03 by researchers – is a male, the geneticists studying on the island believe that not only could the genes of the Pintas be running in other tortoises on the Islands, but that the chances of finding an exact genetic match for Lonesome George have increased dramatically.

The breakthrough has been labelled as ‘a real surprise’ by leading authority Jeffery Powell, professor of ecolo-

Grant ‘delighted’ with bio-fuels grant Brychan Govier Science Correspondent

B

io-fuels have been big news recently with the heightened awareness of climate change.

They are slowly beginning to supplement fossil fuels, but the massive production of bio-fuels is resulting in a glut of the by-product glycerol.

Currently incineration is the only way to dispose of it.

However researchers in Cardiff University’s School of Chemistry along with partners Vertellus Specialities - have won a grant to investigate the possibility of converting glycerol into high added value speciality chemicals. The £60,000 project has been given £40,000 by the Department of Trade and Industry.

The grant from the DTI will help the research team - led by Professor Graham Hutchings from the School of Chemistry - to investigate the economic and environmental viability of this endeavour.

The Minister for Science and

Innovation Malcom Wicks said: “The UK has a proud history of innovation in science and technology. We must work with industry to develop the marketable products of tomorrow, so that we can maintain our position as a leading global economy.”

Dr David Grant, Vice-Chancellor of Cardiff University said: "I’m delighted that Cardiff’s leading expertise in chemistry is being directed at such an industrially important topic.

Several other companies have expressed interest in supporting this research and I look forward to announcing further success later this year."

Glycerol is potentially a valuable ‘building block’ molecule for creation of more valuable molecules.

It may even be possible to render the production of bio-fuels carbon neutral.

If a viable method of converting the glycerol can be found this would allow an environmentally sound, integrated supply chain, supporting agricultural chemical and transportation sectors to develop.

gy and evolutionary biology at Yale University in Connecticut, USA. The find has certainly fired the scientific and romantic instincts of the study group, including Gisella Caccone, who, upon the discovery, commented: “This suggests the need to mount an immediate and comprehensive survey of the population to search for additional individuals of Pinta ancestry.”

Plans to repopulate Pinta with

another breed of Galapagos tortoise have now been put on hold while the investigation takes place, though time may be running out for Lonesome George. It is feared that a lengthy and complex breeding programme may jeopardise the island, whose plant species are flourishing, presenting a real threat to other inhabitants of Pinta.

Despite the inspiring possibility of reuniting Lonesome George with his

home, scientists will proceed with caution and logic according to Milstead, who remarked: “We will have to consider very carefully whether it is worth the risk to wait.”

While need to balance out the island’s ecological make-up appears to be a pressing one, scientists may be willing to give Lonesome George a final stab at happiness; “Let’s go there [to Isabela Island] and see what we can find,” said Caccone.

Science in brief Stumped A Cardiff expert has helped to identify fossils of prehistoric trees discovered in the USA. The tree stumps were discovered over 100 years ago, but a team of specialists has only recently classified them as a member of the Wattieza genus. The fern-like trees could reach up to 8 metres high and formed part of the earliest forest ecosystems.

Dr Berry, an Earth, Ocean and Planet Science expert described how ‘the rise of the forests removed a lot of the carbon dioxide from the atmosphere. This caused temperatures to drop and the planet became very similar to its present-day condition’.

It is also orbited by its own sun, but full orbit is much faster than our own planet’s movement; a year’s cycle takes just 13 days.

The find is a distinctive step in the possibility of finding extra terrestrial life.

Hazel Plush

Wolf clone cleared

New ‘Earth’ found An Earth-like planet has been discovered 20 light years away, outside our own Solar System.

It has been labelled ‘Super-Earth’ as its average temperature is 0-40 degrees Celsius, [ossibly supporting the existence of liquid water.

Stephane Udry, lead author of the research, said models predict that the planet should be either rocky – like our Earth – or covered with oceans’.

apy as a cure. London’s Moorfields Eye Hospital performed the procedure on patient Richard Johnson who has a faulty gene stopping the cells in his retina working. They injected working copies of the gene in to the back of the eye in a very delicate operation.

Though the surgery went well it will be several months before they know the extent of the success. If effective it could be invaluable in treating various sight disorders.

Blindness cure A potential revolution in the treatment of sight disorders occurred with the first ever attempt to use gene ther-

Scientists from Seoul National University have been cleared of manipulating data over the world’s first wolf clones. The South Korean scientists announced last month the birth of two cloned Korean Grey wolves. They were later accused of issuing false results that boosted the cloning success rate for the wolves.

Suspicions arose because of the involvement of scientist Hang Woosuk who has previously been found guilty of fraudulent results.

However independent tests have cleared them of the accusations, confirming the clones of this endangered species to be genuine.

Jenny Edwards

gairrhydd 19 MAY.07.2007

JOBS & MONEY

JOBS@gairrhydd.COM

Recruiters ready, graduates steady...

Top recruiters Graduate Employer of the Year: Pricewaterhouse Coppers (PwC) Employers of choice by sector: Accountancy: PwC

As students are searching for graduate jobs, Gillian Roberts looks at the top UK graduate employers and how Wales is the place to be ime is running out for thirdyear students who are searching for graduate jobs to secure themselves on the road to their dream careers.

As graduation packs are out, robes are being ordered and outfits are considered, Cardiff students are planning their next step after university.

Whether soon-to-be graduates are thinking of staying in Cardiff or moving away, the time is fast approaching to make plans.

There is a vast amount of information around, where students can apply for jobs, but it can be daunting and a huge task with the confusion of who to apply to.

More than 17,000 final-year students who were surveyed recently have voted PricewaterhouseCoopers, a professional services firm, as the Graduate Employer of the Year.

The survey conducted by High Fliers Research asked the students which organisations they most wanted to work for. There were no lists or prompts, but PricewaterhouseCoopers were the most named for the fourth time.

The results were announced at the annual ceremony for The Times

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Graduate Recruitment Awards, in April.

For the third year running, HSBC was named the employer of choice for finance jobs, while the BBC was top of the students choice in the media category with over 90% of the selection.

Within IT, IBM was named the favourite recruiter, while the Big Four professional services firms, led by PricewaterhouseCoopers, dominated the accountancy sector.

The number of graduates in the working population in Wales had risen considerably over the last decade by 69% It is advisable for students to send CV out to a number of graduate employers they would like to work for.

Even if jobs are not on the market, there may be some in the near future

jobshop Please contact us on 029 2078 1535 or pop in to the Jobshop on the ground floor of the Students’ Union.

Opening hours 10am4pm Monday-Friday.

and with your CV to hand, you may find yourself in a good position.

Last year an article published by newswales confirmed that new figures suggested that Welsh graduates are in demand by employers in Wales.

The report, Welsh Graduates and their Jobs, Employment and Employability in Wales, was commissioned by the Higher Education Funding Council for Wales (HEFCW) from the Institute for Employment Studies.

Released last summer, the report said that the number of graduates in the working population in Wales had risen considerably over the last decade by 69%.

Graduates now make up 15% of the Welsh workforce. It is managerial and professional occupations where some 84% are employed in, as Wales holds a very high employment rate.

Yet, it is not easy for soon-to-be graduates to find jobs in Wales today.

Llinos Jenkins, who studies Marine Geography, is on the job hunt in Wales at the moment and said: “Recently I looked at a BBC website and it said that Cardiff was the best place in Wales for jobs for my course. I couldn’t find a single one. But I love living in

Cardiff so much, I am sending out CVs to any appropriate companies in the hope that a job will come available.”

Jane Davidson, minister for Education, Lifelong Learning Skills after the report was released said: "Wales leads the rest of the UK with its highly successful GO Wales programme. The strength of the GO Wales is that in addition to work placements, it helps graduates to develop career management skills and to gain an understanding of the labour market.

This is highlighted by the outputs for GO Wales where to date over 60% of graduates have gained permanent employment following their placement in the host business.”

GO Wales, which organised the successful graduate fayre in early November at the Cardiff International Arena, is an excellent organisation for students and graduates to take an active step to getting their dream job. It is a job site which puts students and graduates in touch with employers in Wales.

The next graduate fayre is on June 14, which is organised by Cardiff’s career service. Named ‘Graduate Recruitment Day’, it will bring together students with over 50 companies and organisations who have graduate opportunities and vacancies.

But students should not panic at this stage; there is still time to secure employment. Cardiff is expanding continuously with new developments, therefore it is advisable to keep an eye open for up and coming opportunities.

Update your CV, keep preparing and keep researching as much as possible, to achieve the best results.

AWARD-WINNING HOLIDAY COMPANY REQUIRE SALES STAFF

Ongoing, regular work available in a fun, sales environment. Applicants must be polite and articulate, available over the summer vacation and able to commit to working during the next academic year for around 3 evening shifts per week. Full training provided. £5.35 per hour + attractive, achievable bonuses. Please contact the Jobshop or come and see us.

Consulting: Accenture Engineering: Shell Finance: HSBC General Management: Aldi Investment Banking: Goldman Sachs IT: IBM Law: Linklaters Marketing: Procter & Gamble Transport and Logistics: Transport for London

Useful links www.gowales.co.uk www.mywelshjobs.com www.Jobs-Wales.co.uk www.Pareto.co.uk/Graduates www.cardiffjobs.co.uk www.reed.co.uk www.jobs.hsbc.co.uk https://jobs.bbc.co.uk www.totaljobs.com www.ibm.com/employment/uk www.pwc.com/uk/eng

The Careers Service: www.cardiff.ac.uk/carsv

5 Corbett Road, Cardiff CF10 3EB Tel: 029 2087 4828 Fax: 029 2087 4229 Email: careers@cardiff.ac.uk

20 gairrhydd

MEDIA

MAY.07.2007 MEDIA@gairrhydd.COM

National Tragedy: The new way to line your wallet Annie Buckle Media Reporter

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his Easter holiday on the 16th April, while we were all taking a well-earned break before the summer exams strike with avengence, 32 innocent students and staff from Virginia Tech University were senselessly killed.

In one of the most terrifying shootings in American history the face of terror is unmistakable, making the face of loss and grief all too common. What makes the story even more chilling is that this shooting was not in a place of war but in a place to be regarded as a sanctuary of safety.

However, now there is an even more bitter twist to the massacre, as it has been revealed that cyber crooks are trying to cash in on the tragedy at Virginia Tech University.

Hackers are already luring people with emails claiming to link to amateur footage of the shootings, but which instead leads to malicious files. The malicious programme, known as Spyware, attempts to steal banking passwords and other information from the computers of online bankers. One such spam message directs to a Brazilian movie site that attempts to install a so-called Trojan horse on the victim’s computer

Formerly, hackers made use of national catastrophes such as Hurricane Katrina and the London bombing to put out of sight likewise attacks. PC users are urged to ensure that their anti-virus software is up to date and to be wary of unsolicited emails. They are also encouraged to only follow trusted links and to contact their bank whenever they think their information may have been compromised.

US –CERT have said this is not the first time hackers have taken advantage of national tragedies to line their

video footage left by the 23-year-old killer responsible for the brutal murders.

Just after the shooting, NBC News received and aired material sent from Cho Seung-Hui that included his personal videos, writings and photographs. All of which are filled with angry rants about rich “brats” and their "hedonistic needs” and several photos even show Cho aiming handguns at the camera. So the question lies, is this just another media savvy step too far?

Laura Panzica, a second year Business Studies Cardiff student,

Hackers are already luring people with emails claiming to link to amateur footage of the shootings, but which instead leads to malicious files wallets. Beardsley said events such as the Tsunami are more likely to be successful fund-raising scammers than the Virginia Tech rampage because they are unavoidable natural disasters that affect many poor people.

It seems this tragedy has further revelations from what has already been referred to as just ‘another shooting’ in the US. Now an explosion of outrage from the media blasts us in the face with the controversies surrounding the

believes that curiosity often takes over with overwhelming events such as these and ‘people may watch just to make sure if the massacre has been as horrible as they think.’ Not only this but if you do in fact choose to watch the video it may help you to understand or answer why the incident happened.

Thedric Jones, who shared living quarters with Cho and four other students, told CTV Newsnet on Thursday

The killer in his video sent to the NBC that he was more surprised by the video than the actual shootings. Jones claimed that watching the video was the first time he heard Cho speak and show emotion. “With us, he didn't say a thing.” He further revealed, “once I’d heard it was him who had been the shooter I wasn't entirely surprised... but the video was like a totally different person, especially the smiling photos.”

Laura Hinson, a second year Cardiff

Do we all just have stars in our eyes?

Emily Woodrow on the rise and rise and rise of celebrity and why reading about Gavin Henson kicking off in the Taf is worth a giggle

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here is never a shortage of celebrity news and gossip in today’s media. Who’s marrying who? Which designer made the dress so and so is wearing and how much did it cost? It seems the public can’t get enough of the trivial yet admittedly addictive world of celebrity.

This is at least the attitude supported

by BBC director general Mark Thompson, who has disputed recent claims by the chancellor Gordon Brown asserting that the public mood is in fact shifting away from celebrity culture and towards a greater interest in serious issues.

Mr Thompson argues that the public still have a great desire to see celebrities, despite the acceptance that there is indeed a stronger appetite for serious news today then there was 10 years ago; a fact which he attributes simply to the increase in foreign news available to analyse and report on. In his defence against Gordon Brown, he suggests that events such as Comic Relief, which hopes to raise more than £70 million this year, are self-evidently

focused around stars and celebrities and the mass of money donated can be seen as an example demonstrating the public’s ongoing interest in ‘the famous’.

He also states that the threat to independent journalism is growing around the world and it is becoming more difficult to provide free and serious journalism in many countries; a fact which is contributing to the proliferation of celebrity culture-based news, arguably much easier to access. But is this really the case? Are we actually a society obsessed with celebrity news and trivia? The expanding sales of celebrity magazines in both the UK and the USA would suggest so, with estimates that news stands in the UK selling Women’s Weekly alone shift 7.8 million copies each week.

As Jess Best, a second year Journalism student at Cardiff said “The proliferation of celebrity news and magazines means it is the easiest form of news to consume and we often have no other choice”. One could suggest that for many, celebrity figures are seen as role models for the younger genera-

tion and this is why the public are failing to lose interest in them. Moreover, it is arguable that serious news is in fact too serious, and that people would rather immerse themselves in a lighthearted, trivial article about how Charlotte Church is pregnant rather than learn about the recent tragedies at Virginia Tech University.

As Annie Buckle from Cardiff says, “Celebrity news offers you a way to escape from ‘the real world’ and the occurrences within it”. Serious news stories often generate concern and compassion in the reader and perhaps the public would rather read up about something which does not directly

affect them or their emotions.

However, some people disagree and believe that serious news is of far more substance and relevance and should not take second place to the celebrity gossip in today’s media.

Holly Joy Pearce, studying medicine at Cardiff University, states, “Personally I have little interest in celebrities but I appreciate that a lot of people do. However, I think it would be an idea to separate serious and celebrity news stories more in the media.

Tabloid newspapers are there to broadcast celebrity news and therefore broadsheet newspapers should be more dedicated to serious news, offering people the choice to engage with stories they feel have the most relevance and interest to them without being either ‘dumbed down’ or bombarded with political and other forms of ‘heavy’ news”.

One would argue that it is safe to say that today’s society as a whole is not bored of celebrities quite yet. The myriad of celebrity news in all aspects and types of the media makes it impossible to escape from them, and therefore we may as well just accept it and have a giggle reading about Gavin Henson’s strop over students taking pictures of him in the Taf. After all, looking at pictures of celebrities with cellulite and over users of fake tan makes us feel better about ourselves, right?

Journalism student, suggests that “bloggers will also be interested in watching the video footage because they will want to write their post into their blogs.”

However, when questioning a group of second year Cardiff Business Studies students who have watched the video, they claimed all they could hear was the glee in the media’s voices as they gloried over something ‘meaty’ to cover.

MEDIA MEMO:

Television and Young People (TVYP) is the UK's leading forum for young people aspiring to work in television.

• FREE 5 day event for anyone 18+ who wants to work in TV (they even cover your food and accommodation) • Unique chance to hear from, and work with, some big names from behind and in front of the camera • Fantastic opportunity to gain advice, skills and contacts from the best people in television.

This year it takes place on 23 – 27th August in Edinburgh.

Visit the website www.tvyp.co.uk for more information and to apply!

Applications close on May 11th 2007 so hurry!

If you want to work in TV this is THE most amazing opportunity!

gairrhydd 21

TELEVISION

MAY.07.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

TV Marshall’s shameful secret filthy secret is revealed: May 7th - 14th

It’s the end of the Popworld We’re all doomed.

HOT

Cowbell:I recently acquired a 7” metal cowbell and it is the puppy’s privates. I lurve banging the holy feck out of it and getting angry rubber duck bellends accosting me in the Barfly toilets. No I haven’t forgiven you, and no I’m not your mate. Piss off monkeyboy.

Soaps Hiyarrr all! Righto I’ve watched bugger all soaps for about a week (due to my never-ending essays: FUCK. OFF) Cue TV Choice, 35p and a waste of paper later I’m going to tell you what’s going on just by looking at the front page of pictures. In Corrie Paul looks very serious, he seems to be starring at Leanne, possibly into her eyes for dramatic effect and she seems to be reciprocating this. In Eastenders Phil has his hands on his hips and Ian looks smug whilst wearing a dressing gown. If I could see Phil’s face (which fyi I can’t) I’d imagine he was angry. In another picture Stacey looks like she’s pulled a muscle in her neck and is telling Bradley about it. In Hollyoaks Mike appears to be lying on the floor next to a brick, I think he might be hurt, his eyes give it away: top notch acting innit? I wish.

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his week saw the arrival of the worst news to hit television since that fateful meeting when somebody said ‘Hey that Andi Peters, he’s a moron, let’s give HIM Top of The Pops.’

The news that everyone has been dreading has finally arrived.

One of the best television programs of all time has been axed. I am, of course, talking about the frankly shocking decision to drop Popworld. CD:UK gone.

Top Of The Pops gone.

Now the only bastion of popular music that still retained a certain amount of credibility has been banished from our screens, never to be seen again. Yes, admittedly it was never as good as with Simon and Miquita, but the delectable Alexa Chung and the sexually ambiguous Alex Zane still did a pretty good job of following it up.

Fudge Tunnel ❉■❆❉■❉▼❙

With every middle aged TV exec’s desire to seem ‘hip’ and ‘cool,’ it seems that pop is (cue Alan Partridge-esque nasal drawl) ‘saaaaaad’ even amazon.com is referring to ‘pop pap’ and urges the casual website viewer to try the Arctic Monkeys. This is complete and utter hypocrisy of the highest order. Surely pop music is just that: popular music. Now seeing as the Arctic Monkeys broke the record for the fastest selling debut album of all time.,Surely that would make them er... popular?

The indie-centirc world is embodied by that most awful of radio shows presented by Jo ‘I’m a lady, honest’ Whiley. Each week a self-important ‘indie’ band comes on her live lounge show and covers a pop song ironically, so they can all indulge in the self-congratulatory spectacle of how strange it is for a ‘proper’ band to play a ‘fake’ song. And then whenever a pop band such as the Sugababes are invited on, they a r e

Bring Back...

The Automatic TV Listings: This week we have mainly been crying because we’ve had to type up the damn listings manually because of a gremlin in the server or some other technobollocks.

However what we have also learned is that ITV are a bunch of miserable tossers who refuse to allow third parties to publish their listings unless a hefty wodge of cash is sent their way.

Therefore as a sign of solidarity with the little guy (and also because we can’t really be arsed) we have decided to not print the ITV2 listings. Instead we have given you what we think to be the best on offer that day.

Hurrah, enjoy the TV and also don’t forget to floss and revise.

lauded when they play a song by a second rate shonky band such as Hard-Fi. This idea of pop=frivolity and rock/alternative/indie/boring=seri ous was even peddled over in the United States of Amerikeee when Rock Star: INXS was aired. As a punishment for doing something wrong, probably he was caught not being self-righteous, one of the entrants was ‘forced’ to cover the Britney Spears classic ‘...Baby One More Time’. Of course the smug prick did a slow acoustic version to much praise as he had brought some credibility to the song. Talk about a proper farce!

How dare those Antipodean pillocks lecture anyone about credibility, when they were using a TV talent show to find a new frontman! Jumping Christ On A Bike, it’s always convenient for lazy journalists in Mojo and Q to bring up Girls Aloud’s past as TV talent show alumni, but INXS are always conveniently forgotten. Cynical? Moi? Essentially behind this gruff, rugged exterior of TV Marshall beats the heart of a pop fan, and if TV execs are going to constantly remove my access to pop music I shall cry. I miss buying singles. I miss hearing the comedy-ravehands-in-the-air remix as the Bside. I miss getting stickers in Magazines. I miss pop stars being interviewed about their favourite animal in lieu of what their predictably dull opinion on the War In Iraq is.

Basically, I wish I was eight

NOT

Comic Sans: What an awful, boring font.

Preferred by child molesters and people who make websites about their pets.

Avoid at all costs and instead use the much nicer one, Arial.

However Uni Essays dictate that the boring Times New Roman must be used, which is

Serious Cat Says:

“The key to constructing a good decking area is the frame. If the decking is being built on an existing patio it should be built of sawn treated timber 50mm by 100mm (approx.)”

Sport HAHAHAHA Go home Manchester United fans you prawn-sandwichmunching, not-actually-living-inManchester, glory hunting idiots.

Go and sob into your overpriced replica shirt. Despite having enough financial clout to buy Belgium you still got beaten by AC Milan, a team seemingly supported by shaved apes with swastika tattoos.

TV Grapevine Pete Wentz has reportedly dumped Ashlee Simpson for Marilyn Manson after leaving a vial of his blood in a venue dressing room for him, Paris Hilton is facing 2,397 days in jail for being a twat and Jon Snow went on a methadone-fuelled rampage through Sainsburys, reportedly smashing several eggs in his face, screaming “I am the God of Fuck. Sex me wildly.” He faces the same jail time as Hilton in the Showbiz Jail of Psychopaths, CA. AKA the celebrity Big Brother house.

22 gairrhydd

MONDAY

MAY.07.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Victoria’s Empire

Family Guy

Obedient Wives

BBC1 6.00pm

The History of Mr Polly ITV 9.00pm

Hello Panda

BBC2 12.15am

Channel 4 3.20am

five 9.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:00am Animal Park 9:45am Homes under the Hammer 10:45am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:30am Bargain Hunt 12:15pm BBC News; Weather 12:35pm Regional News and Weather 12:40pm Match of the Day Live Women's FA Cup Final 3:10pm Keeping Up Appearances 3:40pm Antz 5:00pm Open All Hours 5:30pm BBC News 5:50pm Regional News and Weather 6:00pm Victoria's Empire 7:00pm Play it Again 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Panorama 9:00pm New Tricks 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Not Going Out If only this were the case, I wouldn’t be sitting in the World’s Hottest Room shouting abuse at the World’s Shittest Computer whilst simultaneously nursing a headache that feels like a possum crawled up my arse and died there.

11:05pm Inside Sport 11:45pm Godsend 11:40pm Invasion of the Body Snatchers 1:35am Sign Zone:Holby City 2:35am Sign Zone:Antiques Roadshow 3:25am Sign Zone:New Year New You: To Buy or Not to Buy 3:55am Joins BBC News 24 PUBLIC OUTING ALERT: Eddie Dolding is an absolute wreckhead. Last night, in Clwb Ifor Bach, Eddie not only managed to knock his own tooth out, but may have also broken his own foot.

Not to mention the fact that he tried...

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:35am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Arthur 7:15am ChuckleVision 7:30am Get 100 8:00am The Story of Tracy Beaker 8:15am Krypto the Superdog 8:30am CBeebies:Jackanory Junior 8:45am Numberjacks 9:00am Boogie Beebies 9:15am Brum 9:25am Me Too! 9:45am Something Special 10:00am Postman Pat 10:15am The Roly Mo Show 10:30am Coast: Wales - The Gower, Rockpools and Dylan Thomas 10:45am Billy the Kid 12:15pm Quo Vadis? 3:00pm World Championship Snooker 5:30pm Flog It! 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Great British Menu 7:00pm The Trees That Made Britain 7:30pm Johnny Kingdom: A Year On Exmoor 8:00pm World Championship Snooker 11:00pm Ruddy Hell! It's Harry and Paul 11:30pm Anywhere but Here 11:45pm Roman's Empire 12:15am Family Guy 12:40am Family Guy 1:00am Bubble Boy ... to fight basically every living thing (and several bins) between Womanby Street and Chippy Lane. His legendary taunt of ‘You’re a retard. With AIDS’ only proved to demonstrate quite what a drunken penis he really was. It has been brought to my attention that I may not be entirely innocent in the bin massacre, in fact apparently, I may have even instigated the whole horrific affair.

It’s okay though, because I was ...

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am 60 Minute Makeover 11:30am 60 Minute Makeover 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Rosemary and Thyme 4:00pm Agatha Christie's Poirot 6:00pm You've Been Framed!

6:25pm London Tonight full of people wanting to either sell you stuff or to mug you.

6:40pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Waterworld 9:00pm The History of Mr Polly 11:00pm ITV News; Weather 11:15pm Monday MovieMonday Movie: Red Heat Championship Special 12:05am Dunlop British Touring Cars 12:40am The Moral of the Story is that Britney Spears has finally pissed all of her talent away. Miming through abridged versions of a 3 year old single whilst at the same time having a liberal dump on her own legacy is not how one ‘wins back the fans,’ Britters.

Indeed if I wanted to watch a chubby mother of two girate to unfashionable music whilst dressed as a slut, I would go to Liquid at the weekend. 1:10am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show ... a comedy policeman’s hat which absolves me of everything.

5:20am Countdown 6:05am Making It 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 7:55am Just Shoot Me 8:25am Just Shoot Me 8:55am Frasier 9:20am Frasier 9:50am Will and Grace 10:15am Will and Grace 10:40am The Land That Time Forgot 12:20pm Life Begins Again 1:20pm Battle of the River Plate 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:15pm Cheaper By the Dozen 9:00pm Cutting Edge: Trapped By My Twin The tragic tale of Tia and Tamera of Sister Sister fame. I’m not sure of the whole story, but I’m pretty sure that one of them ate the other one’s face.

Possibly out of jealousy, possibly out of a PCP fuelled rage. Nobody can entirely be sure. Anyway, the upshot of it is that the one who did all the face eating was shot by a police marksman, but not before she killed Melissa Joan Hart and also the irritating one from Smart Guy. Sad tale really, don’t know why I’m making light of it to be honest.

10:00pm ER 11:05pm The Sopranos 12:10am Sex and the City 12:45am Sex and the City 1:20am Six Feet Under 2:20am Transmission With T-Mobile 3:20am Hallo Panda 3:50am Veronique 4:00am The Number Crew 2 4:10am The Number Crew 2

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Fifi and the Flowertots 6:25am Franny's Feet 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:15am Roary the Racing Car 7:30am Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Say It with Noddy 8:05am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:20am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Old Bear Stories 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm The Great Race 2:55pm five news update 3:00pm Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Agent Cody Banks 7:50pm five news NEWS JUST IN: five still between four and six. Now the weather.

8:00pm Fifth Gear 9:00pm Obedient Wives: Hidden Lives 10:00pm Prison Break 11:00pm Wolf 1:20am NASCAR Nextel Cup 2:05am USPGA Golf 2:50am NHL Ice Hockey So basically, sorry if the TV listings are a bit naff this week, but some sort of technology gremlin has stolen the TV Listings off the system so we have to type them in manually this week. All I’m saying is that it’s now taking forever and we deserve some sort of monetary reward, possibly some Haribo or a Tamagotchi.

Don’t try to peddle me off with some Furby shit or else I’ll go Alec Baldwin on your ass. Yeah, that’s right, I’ll call up your daughter and scream blue murder at her until she cries. Ha!

07:00am E4 Music Zone 2:00pm Switched 2:25pm Ed: 3:25pm The O.C. 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm ER 10:00pm Sex in Court 10.30pm Sudden Death 12:35am Scrubs 1:00am Scrubs 01:30am The O.C. 2:20am Sex in Court 2:45am Ed 3:30am Switched 3:50am War at Home 4:10am Switched ...that already gives you the programme times and synopses, so I can only assume you enjoy hearing the deranged ramblings of a semi-moron. That’s really kind of you by the way, but I don’t need your charity, do you hear me? I’ll write my own damn TV listings! In fact how do you know that I haven’t made all these up? How do I know that they are all correct? The short answer is I don’t.

The long answer is IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII doooooo...

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Everybody Loves Raymond 7:55am Just Shoot Me 8:25am Just Shoot Me 8:55am Frasier 9:20am Will & Grace 9:50am Treats from the Edwardian Country House 10:25am Room for Improvement 10:55am Life Begins Again 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach 1:15pm Water Stories 1:25pm Deal or No Deal 2:15pm Countdown 3:00pm Wedi 3 4:00pm Planed Plant Heddiw 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Friends 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Pobol y Cwm 9:00pm Maestro Carlo Rizzi 10:00pm Etholiad '07 10.00pm Cae 10:30pm Etholiad '07 5:30am Diwedd ...oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn’ttttttttttttt ttttttttttt knoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww.

PICK OF THE DAY

7:00pm The Panic Room 8:00pm Britain's Worst Teeth Eddie Dolding, this is your life 9:00pm The Bulls*** Detective Does this mean a Detective that is particularly adept at detecting bullshit, or a Detective who is bullshit?

Once again, top quality journalism at the hands of the gair rhydd TV Desk.

10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm The Real Hustle 11:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps In other news, I have recently bought a Cowbell and it is ace, although it did apparently get me kicked out of Barfly because some shaved ape complained. Philistine, PHILISTINE I TELL THEE! Although, on reflection, it probably was really annoying to have some lairy knob in cheap glowsticks smashing the holy hell out of a cowbell just slightly out of rhythm.

Also my glowsticks leaked when i slept on them and I ended up looking like a Nu-Rave Jesus. Also Nu-Rave is shit.

7:00pm The Sky at Night 7:30pm Conan Doyle for the Defence 8:30pm The Phoenix and the Carpet 9:00pm Music Hall Meltdown 10:30pm Smiley's People 11:25pm The Sky at Night 11:55pm Thoroughly Modern: The Typewriter er what exactly? Now, BBC4 doesn’t half come up with some pretentious wank, but this really takes the biscuit. The soggy cumcovered biscuit. A program called ‘Thoroughly Modern’ which entails an elegy to that most cutting edge of all the technologies, the typewriter. This is proof that anyone who has anything to do with BBC4 is a National Trust supporting, Daily Mail reading, Tory voting luddite and should be destroyed. I know that this rant is possibly my most unhinged yet, but the combination of the heat and several litres of cherry coke are warping my poor addled brain. Who reads this anyway? You all have freeview and...

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

10.00pm Sex In Court E4

This programme is sheer genius for a whole host of reasons. The main one being that everybody loves to see dildos on TV. While in a debate about the plural of “dildo” (n. meaning sex toy), Wikipedia brought something astounding to our attention: Dildo Island.

Imagine, if you will, working for the tourism board on such an island. This discovery has prompted a discussion on dildo thrones, dildo crowns, the invention of the dildo, when it became “The Dildo”, and other such questions. But in reality, Sex In Court is on tonight at 10. Watch it. Dildo optional.

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

gairrhydd

23

TUESDAY

MAY.08.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Horizon

The Daily Politics

Loose Women

Freshly Squeezed

Mio Mao

BBC1 3:25am

BBC2 2:00pm

ITV1 1:30pm

C4 7.00am

five 8:20am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal Park 10:00am Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News 1:30pm BBC London News 13:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Murder, She Wrote 3:20pm BBC News 3:25pm Pitt and Kantrop 3:50pm Watch My Chops 4:00pm Basil Brush 4:30pm Roman Mysteries 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35 Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News 6:28pm BBC London News 7:00pm Castaway 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Holby Blue 9:00pm CCTV: You Are Being Watched Much like Manchester United television, Coventry City’s own programming is filled with rather dubious content.

Take this programme for example, I don’t see what blurry black and white images of random civilians has to do with football...or Coventry! Oh aren’t I clever? I can steal jokes from Soccer AM and all you foolish members of the Cardiff student population will be nonethe-wiser. Mwahahahaaha.

10:00pm BBC Ten O'Clock News 10:25pm BBC News 10:35pm Imagine: Gilbert and George. No Surrender 11:25pm Film: Unfaithful (2002) 1:20am Weather View 1:25am See Hear 1:55am Maxwell 3:25am Horizon: The Elephant's Guide to Sex 4:15am Hairy Bikers Ride Again

7:00am Arthur 7:15am ChuckleVision 7:25 Newsround 7:30am Get 100 8:00am Tracy Beaker 8:15am Krypto the Superdog 8:30am Jackanory Junior: The Great Tug of War 8:45am Numberjacks 9:00am Boogie Beebies: Rainbow Sky 9:15am Brum: Brum and the Balloons 9:25am Me Too!: Niggles 9:45am Something Special 10:00am Postman Pat 10:15am The Roly Mo Show 10:30am Primary History 10:50am Landmarks 11:10am Churchill's Bodyguard 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Primary Science 1:15pm Primary Science 1:30pm Animal Park: Lord-a-leapin 2:00pm Living in th e Sun: Cowboy 3:00pm Through the Keyhole 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Great British Menu Oh let me have a look here then? We’ve got fights, hooliganism, bad public transport, a war criminal for a PrimeMinister, racial tension, underachieving sports teams, ignorant public in regards to world/environmental issues, miserable weather, chav culture...and chips.

7:00pm Super-Slim Me 8:00pm The Apprentice 9:00pm Horizon 9:50pm This World 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm First Rites - From the Cradle to the Prom 12:20am BBC News 24 2:00am English File

5:30am ITV Morning News 6:00am GMTV 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm For the Rest of Your Life You will be alive. 3:59pm ITV Wales Weather 4:00pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News 7:00pm Emmerdale 8:00pm Midsomer Murders 10:00pm Nightmare Nannies Confessions 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm Real Crime: Nailing the Nail Bomber 12:00am Glitterball 4:05am Forever 5:00am ITV Nightscreen Once again ITV has decided not to put any programmes on, so here are some hypothetical fights! Who would win? Three dogs in a tank? Or a cat in a plane? It should probably be mentioned that the tank is made of ice. Oh yeah, and the plane is made of fire aswell. I think the answer here is obvious: there can be no winner. Although poor Mr Whiskerson would surely burn to death in the flaming jet engine should he manage to direct his vehicle into the frozen tank, then disaster would strike for his arch enemies: Simon, Frank and Terry. Mind you, it’s probably worth pointing out that the mutt’s resistence to the icy cold temperature is not so good, and they will surely drown anyway. Well that was fucking pointless...

6:00am The Treacle People 06:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Just Shoot Me 9:00am Frasier 9:30am Take Away My Takeaway 10:00am Don't Make Me Angry 10:30am The Underdogs 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Supporting Acts 12:40pm Life Begins Again 1:40pm Film: The Wicked Lady (1945) 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 8:00pm How to Look Good Naked 9:00pm Gordon Ramsay's F Word 10:00pm The Seven Sins of England 11:05pm Roy Chubby Brown: Britain's Rudest Comedian Not only Britain’s rudest comedian. but also Britain’s most racist, sexist, chauvinist other words ending with ‘ist’ and generallly offensive comedian aswell.

12:05am Partypoker.com Poker Nations Cup 1:10am The Avon Tyres British GT Championship 1:35am Velux 5 Oceans Ultimate Solo Challenge 2:05am KOTV Classics 3:00am KOTV 3:30am Gumball 3000 3:55am 3 Minute Wonder: I Am Amazon: The Champion 4:00am How We Used to Live 4:20am How We Used to Live 4:40am Animated Tales of the World 4:55am Animated Tales of the World

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Fifi and the Flowertots 6:25am Franny's Feet 6:35am Bird Bath: A Nightingale Sings 6:45am Hi-5: Doing - Working 7:15am Roary the Racing Car 7:30am Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Say It with Noddy 8:05am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:20am Peppa Pig: Cleaning the Car 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Old Bear Stories 8:50am Mio Mao: The Snowman 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Colin and Justin on the Estate 1:30pm Russell Grant's Postcards 1:40pm Heart Full of Rain 3:35pm five news update 3:40 The King and Queen of Moonlight Bay 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Gavin Stamp's Orient Express 8:00pm Return of the Tribe New York City represent, represent / The dawg is scientific with the styles I invent / A tribe called quest represent, represent.

Disclaimer - This programme is not about A Tribe Called Quest.

9:00pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:00pm CSI: Miami: Fade Out 11:00pm Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 12:00am Arrest and Trial 12:30am Arrest and Trial 12:55am NBA Basketball

7:00am E4 Music Zone <subliminal message> Listen to Deerhoof </Sublyminal message > 8:00am E4 Music Zone 9:00am E4 Music Zone 10:00am E4 Music Zone 11:00am E4 Music Zone 12:00pm E4 Music Zone 1:00pm E4 Music Zone 2:05pm Switched 2:40pm Ed: The Offer 3:30pm The O.C.: The Escape 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm War at Home: Love Is Blind 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm What About Brian: Two in Twenty Four 10:00pm Derren Brown: Trick or Treat 10:30pm Peep Show 11:00pm Skins 12:05am Scrubs 12:40am Scrubs 1:05am Ed: The Offer 1:55am Derren Brown: Trick or Treat 2:20am Peep Show 2:45am Skins 3:45am War at Home: Love Is Blind 4:05am The O.C: The Escape 4:45am Switched 5:10am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Just Shoot Me 9:00am Frasier 9:30am Ysgolion 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach 1:15pm Supporting Acts 1:25pm Deal or No Deal 2:15pm Countdown 50, 49, 48, 47, 46, 45, 44, 43, 42, 41, 40, 39, 38, 37, 36, 35, 34, 33, 32, 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BOOOM! Old TV jokes are fun. 3:00pm Wedi 3 4:00pm Planed Plant 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Friends 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:25pm Y Clwb Rygbi 9:30pm Pobol y Cwm 10:00pm Newyddion 10:15pm Tipyn o Stad 11:00 How to Look Good Naked 12:00am ER 1:00am Roy Chubby Brown: Britain's Rudest Comedian 2:00am Film: Slam (1998) 3:45am Diwedd 4:00am Ysgolion

PICK OF THE DAY 7:00pm Spendaholics Saved My Life 8:00pm The Bulls**t Detective There’s nothing worse than bloody bullsnot! 9:00pm The Panic Room 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Ideal 11:00pm Family Guy 11:20pm Family Guy 11:40pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:10am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:40am The Panic Room 1:40am Ideal 2:10am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:40am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:05am The Bulls**t Detective Who would win in a fight? A snail with an electric drill?

Or a tortoise with a hammer for a head? This of course is a simple matter of common sense. While the Tortoise armed with such a lethal member of the toolkit will be a relentless killing machine, the poor Snail (who is named Peter, btw) will be left defenceless without the ability to even hold his otherwise deadly electric drill. I wonder if anyone is actually reading my drivel?

7:01pm Art of the Garden: Gertrude Jekyll 8:00pm The World 8:30ppm Marcus Brigstocke's Trophy People 9:00pm The Diary of a Nobody 9.30pm The League of Gentlemen 10:00pm Operation Good Guys 10:30pm Oswald's Ghost: Storyville 12:00am The Diary of a Nobody 12:30am How the Edwardians Spoke 1:30am Oswald's Ghost: Storyville 3:00am Marcus Brigstocke's Trophy People 3:30am The Diary of a Nobody is probably not very interesting, so here’s a few that might be of interest to you instead 5) The diary of Adrian Mole 4) Diary of a Madman 3) The Princess Diaries 2) Anne Frank’s Diary 1) The diary of Helga Pataki and her jotted love stories for the one and only football head. If you think that gair rhydd TV should move on from being a strictly Nickolodeon-centric television guide, then please email us at rugrats-r-cool@gr.com

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

10.00am Postman Pat BBC2 Ok, so you might think that this sort of childish programming is not suitable as a pick of the day in a university publication...and you’d probably be right. BUT, if you think think that you’re better than me just because my favourite TV shows aren’t hosted

by Steven Fry talking about the issues of the day, but instead feature fictional postmen and their equally insignificant cats named Jess, then you’re wrong, dear readers. I’d like to see Mr Fry uphold a deadend job while maintaining his ever-friendly manner! Yeah, take that bourgeoise.

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

24 gairrhydd

WEDNESDAY

My Big Breasts & Me

Eggheads

BBC3 9.00pm

BBC2 6.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal Park 10:00am Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News 1:30pm BBC London News 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors: Personal Services 2:35pm Murder, She Wrote: The Phantom Killer 3:20pm BBC News 3:25pm Pitt and Kantrop: World Peace 001 3:50pm Cramp Twins: Count Crampula 4:00pm Prank Patrol: Rap Star 4:30pm Raven 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours How much longer will it be on the Beeb?

6:00pm BBC News 6:28pm BBC London News 7:00pm Demolition 7:30pm The Green Green Grass: Mother Earth 8:00pm Watchdog 8:30pm Car Wars: Cross Border Criminals 9:00pm The Apprentice 10:00pm BBC Ten O'Clock News 10:25pm BBC London News 10:35pm The National Lottery Draws 10:40pm One Foot in the Grave: In Luton Airport No-One Can Hear You Scream 11:10pm Match of the Day 11:55pm Film: Disturbing Behavior Perfection is every teenage students co-pilot.

1:10am Weather View 1:15am The Gardeners' Year:Early Summer 1:45am My Life as a Child:With Attitude 2:15am Natural World:Toki's Tale

6:00am Fimbles 6:20am Story Makers 6:35am Balamory 7:00am Arthur 7:15am ChuckleVision Get well Barry Chuckle 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Get 100 8:00am Tracy Beaker 8:15am Krypto the Superdog 8:30am Jackanory Junior: The Princess and the Unicorn 8:45am Numberjacks 9:00am Boogie Beebies 9:15am Brum 9:25am Me Too! 9:45am Something Special 10:00am Postman Pat 10:15am The Roly Mo Show 10:30am In Search of Myths and Legends 11:30am The Daily Politics 1:00pm Garden Invaders 1:30pm Working Lunch 2:00pm Living in the Sun: Sharon's Cafe 3:00pm Through the Keyhole 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Great British Menu 7:00pm Jonathan Meades: Abroad Again 7:50pm Coast: Alderney 8:00pm Neneh and Andi Dish it Up: Boys Are Back in Town 8:30pm Sweet Baby James 9:00pm Natural World: Invasion of the Crocodiles 9:50pm Wild What happens when you put Lohan, Doherty and Richards in a room together? Watch to find out 10:00pm The Apprentice - You're Fired!

10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Wedding Rites - In Sickness and in Health 12:20am BBC News 24 2:00am Macbeth Shorts

MAY.09.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

The Bill

Channel 4 Racing

Dying to Belong

ITV1 8.00pm

C4 1.30pm

five 1.40pm

6:00am The Treacle People: Sticky Like Us 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond: Halloween Candy 8:00am Just Shoot Me: Hot Nights in Paris 8:30am Just Shoot Me: When Nina Met Her Parents 9:00am Frasier: Semi-decent Proposal 9:30am Take Away My Takeaway: Italy 10:00am Don't Make Me Angry: Jamie Robinson 10:30am The Underdogs 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Life Begins Again 1:30pm Channel 4 Racing: From Chester 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons: Marge Be Not Proud 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 8:00pm Property Ladder 9:00pm Grand Designs 10:00pm Desperate Housewives: Gossip 11:05pm The World's Most Offensive Joke 12:05am Peep Show Jeremy on Politics: “They should be more honest.

At least, Tony Adams from the IRA, he's like, "Yeah, I shoot people. I like shooting people." 12:40am Balls of Steel 1:25am The Osbournes: The Show Must Go Oz 1:50am The Osbournes: Car Jacked 2:15am Your Face or Mine? 2:45am Off Centre: The Examination Continues 3:10am Off Centre: The Deflower Half Hour 3:35am The Bernie Mac Show

6:00am The Save-Ums!: The Ghost of Wave World! 6:10 Fifi and the Flowertots: Knitting Nonsense 6:25am Franny's Feet: Chez Lou 6:35am Look! 6:40am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Roary the Racing Car 7:30am Little Princess: Maid's Day Off 7:45am Make Way for Noddy: Noddy Has a Difficult Day 8:00am Say It with Noddy 8:05am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:20am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends: Thomas's Day Off 8:40am Old Bear Stories 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard: My Daughter Had a Baby With You - Why? You're a Lazy Benefits Scrounger!

11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Colin and Justin on the Estate 1:30pm Russell Grant's Postcards: Carbisdale Castle, Rossshire 1:40pm Dying to Belong 3:25pm five news update 3:30pm Columbo: Strange Bedfellows 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men: That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Lemur Island 8:00pm How the Other Half Learns 9:00pm Maid in Manhattan 11:05pm Who Is the Real Jennifer Lopez? A lonely man from Kettering with a genetically modified bottom and a penchant for fake tan and bad fashion who’s horny for skeletons?

12:10am Partypoker.com European Open: Second Semi-Final 1:40am Major League Baseball

7:00am E4 Music Zone 8:00am E4 Music Zone 9:00am E4 Music Zone 10:00am E4 Music Zone 11:00am E4 Music Zone 12:00pm E4 Music Zone 1:00pm E4 Music Zone 2:05pm Switched 2:40pm Ed: Goodbye, Stuckeyville 3:30pm The O.C.: The Rescue 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends: The One with Ross's New Girlfriend 5:30pm Friends: The One with the Breast Milk 6:00pm Scrubs: My Tormented Mentor 6:30pm Scrubs: My Butterfly 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm War at Home: Out & In 8:00pm Friends: The One with Ross's New Girlfriend 8:30pm Friends: The One with the Breast Milk 9:00pm Ugly Betty: Don't Ask, Don't Tell 10:00pm Miss Match: Jive Turkey 11:00pm Desperate Housewives: Into the Woods 12:00am Scrubs: My Tormented Mentor 12:25am Scrubs: My Butterfly 12:55am Ed: Goodbye, Stuckeyville 1:40am Miss Match: Jive Turkey

7:10am The Hoobs 7:35am The Hoobs 8:00am Freshly Squeezed 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am Just Shoot Me 9:30am Just Shoot Me 10:00am My Big Gay Prom 11:00am My Crazy Life 11:30am Hardeep Does ... 12:00pm Gay to Z 12:30pm Bobinogi 12:45pm Bobinogi 1:00pm News at Noon 1:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Muffin the Mule 1:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Bobinogi 1:55pm Planed Plant Bach:Gel a FFion 2:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Falmai y Fuwch 2:15pm Seaside Secrets 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:15pm Countdown 4:00pm Wedi 3 5:00pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Tair Slic 5:25pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ceidwad Y Ddraig 5:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 6:00pm Richard and Judy 7:00pm The Simpsons 7:30pm Rownd a Rownd 8:00pm Wedi 7 8:30pm Newyddion 9:00pm Pobol y Cwm 9:25pm Byd o Liw 10:00pm Sioe Gelf 10:30pm Relocation, Relocation 11:30pm Y

6:00am GMTV 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm For the Rest of Your Life 3:59pm ITV Wales 4:00pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot When the subject of best television detective is raised here at TV Desk calm talking turns to passionate shouting, each editor vehemently defending their corner. Stuck in his childhood ways, TV Kyle can’t see past Scooby Doo, bless. TV Fran on the other hand goes for Baker Streets finest Sherlock Holmes, cuz she is so LDN. Poirot is the choice of the overtly pretentious diety that is TV Marshall, he argues this as if he was the lovechild of Darkus Howe and Rosie O’Donnell, in fact, he may be. TV Guy is wanky, because of this he opts for the infinately quotable Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks. TV Jazz doesn’t watch detective shows, she watches soaps. A self-confessed Neighbours addict she opts for Steiger, since I have no idea who this is, i’ll assume its some kind of robot.

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm City Lights 10:00pm Get a Grip 10:30pm ITV News 10:59pm ITV Wales Weather 11:00pm Weather from Hell 12:00am Glitterball 4:05am Jeremy Kyle Show

PICK OF THE DAY

7:00pm Castaway 7:30pm Honey, We're Killing the Kids 8:00pm Wedding Stories 9:00pm My Big Breasts and Me 10:00pm Film: Kill Bill Vol 1 (2003) 11:40pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps. 7/8.

Homeless and Horny 12:10am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.

8/8. Filthy Brunching 12:40am American Dad: 20/23. Roger 'N Me 1:00am American Dad: 21/23.

Helping Hands 1:25am My Big Breasts and Me 2:20am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps. 7/8.

Homeless and Horny 2:50am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.

8/8. Filthy Brunching 3:20am Rob Brydon's Annually Retentive BBC Three is boring, Peepshow is better, ‘Mark Corrigan: Yeah, so, er, Jeremy tells me you two watched a porno together. You know, I'd be into...

Toni: No, that was "The English Patient". ‘

7:00pm The Diary of a Nobody 7:10pm A Study in Sherlock: Time Shift 7:50pm Diary of a Nobody 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Thoroughly Modern: The Bicycle 9:00pm Miss Marie Lloyd: The Queen of the Music Hall 10:20pm A Study in Sherlock: Time Shift 11:00pm The Man Who Loved Sherlock Holmes 12:00am Miss Marie Lloyd: The Queen of the Music Hall 1:20am Thoroughly Modern: The Bicycle 1:50am A Study in Sherlock: Time Shift 2:30am The Man Who Loved Sherlock Holmes 3:30am Thoroughly Modern BBC Four is also boring; Jeremy: “I'm a dirty hobbit and she's a sexy elf so she might be...

"Oh! You dirty hobbit. Take off my bodkin and my jerkin." "Oh, yeah... pixie ears. But that sword." What if she was a hobbit slayer? I'd just use my enchanted amulet. "Yeah.

Yield to me, hobbit-slayer.

You will touch my magic cock."

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

12.00am Peep Show C4 They broke ours hearts with the shiteness of That Mitchell & Webb Look, became regulars on crap panel shows, and sold their souls to Apple in those ads that have decided to squat in Myspace. I’m on a Mac now, but can’t help wishing to be tapping my fingers on Mark Corrigan. Oh well, a boy can dream. Instead I have to work with Jeremy- he’s frustratingplus I’ve probably contracted an STD by now. Anyway, it may be a repeat and its on a bit late for exam season, but its still the best thing on by miles.

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

gairrhydd

25

THURSDAY

MAY.10.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Homes Under The Hammer BBC1 10.00am

Krypto The Superdog

Suggs In Soho

Just Shoot Me

How Not To Decorate

BBC2 8.15am

ITV1 11.00pm

C4 8.00am

five 7.15pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal Park 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Murder, She Wrote 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Pitt and Kantrop 3:55pm Watch My Chops 4:10pm The Basil Brush Show 4:35pm Dinosapien 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Regional News Programmes 7:00pm Castaway 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Holby City 9:00pm Hustle 10:00pmBBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Question Time 11:35pm This Week I am mainly interested in fighting crime. Today I bought a gun, with holster, and a grenade. And a tank top. I am well equipped. Along with my partner-in-crime (because that’s really what he is), with his uber-supercamp policeman’s hat, we fight the forces of ginger in the next room, with their weapons of scarily pale skin and freckles. Me and Captain Ace, aka Campo-Cop, will never reveal our real identities. If anything, Peter Parker is a prick. NEVER, EVER tell people. It’s a superhero sin, and for that, I hope the film only makes $4,874,2082.02.

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:35am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Arthur 7:15am ChuckleVision 7:30am Get 100 8:00am The Story of Tracy Beaker 8:15am Krypto the Superdog 8:30am CBeebies:Jackanory Junior 8:45am Numberjacks 9:00am Boogie Beebies 9:15am Brum 9:25am Me Too! 9:45am Something Special 10:00am Postman Pat 10:15am The Roly Mo Show 10:30am Look and Read 10:50am Music Makers 11:10am English Express 11:30am Big Slam Poetry 11:50am Primary Geography 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Animal Park 1:45pm Living in the Sun 2:45pm Escape to the Country 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Great British Menu 7:00pm Wild Wensleydale 7:30pm The Museum 8:00pm Hairy Bikers Ride Again 8:30pm It's Not Easy Being Green 9:00pm The Catherine Tate Show 9:30pm Roman's Empire 10:00pm The Graham Norton Show 10:30pm Newsnight Tonight on Newsnight, Jeremy investigates the real reason behind the Dolmio puppets and the effect they have on children. They have quite obviously been sent by Satan to make kids not eat pasta and wage war against carbohydrates.

11:20pm Desi DNA 11:50pm The Legend of 1900

6:00am The Treacle People 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Just Shoot Me 9:00am Frasier 9:30am Take Away My Takeaway 10:00am Don't Make Me Angry 10:30am Underdogs 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Life Begins Again 1:30pm Channel 4 Racing from Chester and Goodwood 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: The Seven Sins of England 8:00pm A Place in the Sun 8:30pm A Place in the Sun 9:00pm Saddam's Tribe 11:05pm Hitler: The Comedy Years There are some telly gems on this week, including Hitler: The Comedy Years and Saddam’s Tribe. 4 are obviously smack in the middle of Dictator Fortnight, so expect more along the lines of this next week. Hopefully Pets Win Prizes With Pol Pot and Stalin’s Supermarket Sweep. ALSO. If you’re bored and happen to be on MySpace, add this band: myspace.com/thelolzmusic. LOL. They’re a 2,648-piece band who specialise in ghettotech, and utilise such instruments as Spanish guitar, moog synths, children’s xylophones, and the sound of a Ford Cortina exploding. They’re good.

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Fifi and the Flowertots 6:25am Franny's Feet 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:15am Roary the Racing Car 7:30am Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Say It With Noddy 8:05am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:20am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Old Bear Stories 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Colin and Justin on the Estate 1:35pm Russell Grant's Postcards 1:45pm Al Jennings of Oklahoma 3:20pm five news update 3:25pm Cutaway 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:15pm How Not to Decorate 8:00pm Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 9:00pm House 10:00pm Shark AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! run.

6.00am E4 Music: Interrupted 2.05pm Switched 2.40pm Ed 3.30pm The O.C. has officially departed. Let us all take a moment to mourn the loss we clearly all feel at losing the genius that is Sandy and Seth Cohen. I am truly devastated. The break-up of Bilson and Brody was also a bit untimely, but in all honesty, a creature that beautiful should probably make the most of the celebrity status and shag his way around Hollywood Hills. Even the infections would be worth it. I surely do miss Orange County more than words, friends. 4.30pm Hollyoaks 5.00pm Friends 5.30pm Friends 6.00pm Scrubs 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30pm The War At Home 8.00pm Friends 9.00pm ER 10.00pm Sex In Court 10.30pm The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell Of Fear 12.05am Scrubs 1.05am Ed 1.55am Sex In Court 2.25am Porn: A Family Business 3.20am The War At Home 3.40am The O.C. 4.256.00am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me Go on.

Please. 8:30am The Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am Batty Man 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Penblwydd Pwy 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Craig ac Eifion 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Teledu Eddie 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Uned 5 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Tipit 9:00pm Jonathan 10:00pm Gwragedd Rygbi 10:30pm Caerdydd 11:30pm CNEX 11:45pm Johnny Mnemonic 1:30am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 2:00am Balls of Steel 2:45am Live from Abbey Road

6:00am: GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm For the Rest of Your Life 4:00pm Agatha Christie's Poirot 6:00pm London Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Emmerdale Family Album 8:00pm The Bill: To Honour and Obey 9:00pm The Last Detective 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Suggs in Soho Top 10 Most Useless Things TV Team Has Bought This Week: 10. Fake eyebrows. 9.

Tambourine. 8. A clacker. 7. Butterfly stickers. 6. A grenade. 5. Gun and holster. 4. What’s On TV. 3. Policeman’s hat. 2. Glowstick glasses. 1. Cowbell.

Apparently all of our friends have gone mental in the head and decided to throw all kinds of “wacky” themed parties for their birthdays. They really are so fucking inconsiderate. Morons. But yes, I have attended a nu-rave party, in which I saw some of my most alphamale friends dressed up in girls leggings and pink wristbands. Tomorrow I get to see one of my best friends dressed up in yellow tighties as Bananaman, and it will probably be close to making my year. Next week, I’ll update you on my oh so exciting social life. I say you, but I’m probably talking to the three people who read this every week, so hi, Guy, Kyle and Ben.

PICK OF THE DAY 7.00pm The Panic Room 8.00pm The Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final 10.40pm Eastenders 11.10pm Two Pints Of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12.10am Football Gaffes Galore 1.05am Booze Bird 2.05am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet of Crisps 3.004.00am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps Would you like to know what’s mainly on my mind this week? I’m sure you would. This week I’m thinking that exams are also spawned by the Devil to ruin my life.

Ditto essays. I discovered that I have a secret guilty pleasure for theme parties, and as much as I love telly and the banter that comes with it every week, I really really really really really really really really really really want to go home. In other news: Reading Festival is going to kick you in the face with how amazing it is, student media’s actually well alright isn’t it, and I realised how much I miss KFC and Domino’s pizza. Much has happened.

7.00pm The Avengers 7.50pm The Diary Of A Nobody 8.00pm The World 8.30pm Chelsea Pensioners 9.00pm Edwardians In Colour 10.00pm Never Mind The Full Stops 11.00pm How The Edwardians Spoke 12.00am Chelsea Pensioners: Ladies In Waiting 12.30am Edwardians In Colour 1.30 The Diary Of A Nobody 2.00am Never Mind The Full Stops 2.30am Chelseaa Pensioners: Ladies In Waiting 3.004.00am Edwardians In Colour “You can’t write anything about Edwardians and make it funny. Fact.” c/o TV Kyle.

He is quite honesty, fucking right. So unlucky, you get to listen to more of my thoughts. Hooray! Bet you didn’t see that one coming. I love summer. I love pizza. I love clutching at straws. Know what else I love? Foals. And getting to see The Shins. Go on YouTube and watch the Australia video ‘cos it’s pretty and it’s got balloons in it. And it’s nice and stuff. Cool.

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

8.00pm Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Final BBC3 The sole purpose of this sham being Pick of the Day is so that TV’s own Fran and Jazz can highlight the bad pronounciation and the complete lack of any half decent music. Sure, you may think you’re slightly humorous by buying into this wank, slightly wacky almost. Wow, aren’t you funny. But please, always remember: Lordi won this “contest” last year.

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff,CF24 4NN

02920 229977

26 gairrhydd

FRIDAY

MAY.11.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Ruddy Hell! It’s Harry and Paul BBC1 9.30pm

Brum

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal Park 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Murder, She Wrote 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC: Pitt and Kantrop 3:50pm The Likeaballs 4:00pm Prank Patrol 4:30pm Raven 5:00pm Totally Doctor Who 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Regional News Programmes 7:00pm A Question of Sport 7:30pm Rogue Traders 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm My Family 9:00pm Have I Got News for You 9:30pm Ruddy Hell! It's Harry and Paul 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Friday Night with Jonathan Ross With Sir Alan Sugar, who I believe is a bloody God amongst us all. And yes, I have only mentioned he is on Wossy cos I fucking love The Apprentice - who wouldn’t want to see him berating arrogant wank stains for completely lacking in business acumen ‘cause the ignorant tosspots decided to sell cheese in France. Yes Paul, I’m talking to you, you and your Tory spewing lisp can fuck right off. Twet.

11:35pm Air America

9:00am Boogie Beebies 9:15am Brum 9:25am Me Too! 9:45am Something Special 10:00am Postman Pat 10:15am The Roly Mo Show 10:30am The Maths Channel 10:40am The Maths Channel 10:50am Watch 11:05am Tales of Europe 11:20am Focus 11:40am Primary History: Saxons and Vikings 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:30pm The Flying Gardener 1:45pm Living in the Sun 2:45pm Escape to the Country 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Great British Menu 7:00pm The Blair Rich Project And yes, I am going to the be bigger person here and refrain from some anti-Blair jibe. He truly isn’t too bad. Really.

7:30pm Wainwright's Walks 8:00pm Gardeners' World 9:00pm Timewatch It’s now currently 8.15pm on Thursday evening. FACT. 9:50pm A Portrait of the Dales 10:00pm Balderdash and Piffle 10:30pm Newsnight 11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm Later...with Jools Holland Beverly Knight pops into Holland’s warm (or I’d imagine it to be anyway) bosom to plug whatever tripe she’s releasing next.

She covered ‘Keep This Fire Burning’ from Robyn, who you should all listen to. She’s fricking great. And thus concludes this time-wasting, space-filling activity.

BBC2 9.15am

Loose Women

Peep Show

The Dance Goes On

ITV1 12.30pm

C4 10.30pm

five 1.35pm

9:00am Frasier 9:30am Take Away My Takeaway 10:00am Don't Make Me Angry 10:30am Fame Asylum 11:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show In my Primary school, a boy called Thomas Neville once told me that if I dialled 666 and looked in the mirror whilst doing so I’d see the Devil. Being the retard that I was, I never did. TV Marshall has his own take on this: say Biggie Smalls three times into a mirror and he’ll appear, just contentedly standing there, pimping out his bitches on one arm and his bling bling Rolex weighing down the other. FACT. 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Life Begins Again 12:30pm Life Begins Again 1:30pm Channel 4 Racing from Chester 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:35pm Unreported World 8:00pm A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 9:00pm Ugly Betty My housemates and I (I mean just me) believe geek Henry is actually quite attractive.

Anyone else agree? As TV Guy and I were both curious we’ve IMDBed him and have discovered he is called Christopher Gorham. Buff ting.

10:00pm Derren Brown: Trick or Treat 10:30pm Peep Show 11:05pm Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights 11:40pm 4 Music:Transmission With T-Mobile

9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Colin and Justin on the Estate 1:35pm The Dance Goes On 3:35pm five news update 3:40pm Love's Abiding Joy 5:30pm five news Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Sky Monsters 9:00pm NCIS 10:00pm Law and Order: Criminal Intent 11:00pm Prison Break Right, I’m fast losing patience with this bag of wank, I’ve got a hideous amount of work to be getting on with and instead I’m fiddling about with Photoshop. Do YOU want to write my essays for me?

There’s four to choose from, numero uno: gender in Pre-Raphelite Art. Any takers? Then i’ve got to write about the Male Gaze. Yer what? Then I’m babbling about Middlemarch, and have I even looked at Critical Theory yet?!?

And then there’s the exams. And I’ve got to have rough drafts done by next week. Early next week. And I know I’m only complaining because I can and need to fill space. In case any of my lecturers do indeed read this, I enjoy all of the modules, honestly, I truly do, it’s just having to do some work that pains me a little. I’d also like to take this time to wave farewell to English Lit heavyweight JOHN PECK. You will be sorely missed, but of course you know this, as you have FACEBOOK. Yes, it’s true! Happy retirement John!

6.00am E4 Music: Uninterrupted 2.05pm Swithced 2.40pm Ed 3.30pm The O.C. 4.30pm Hollyoaks 5.00pm Friends 6.00 Scrubs 7.00pm Hollyoaks 7.30pm The War At Home 8.00pm Friends 9.00pm Wife Swap 10.00pm Wife Swap: The Aftermath 10.30pm Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult 12.05am Scrubs 1.05am Ed 1.55am Wife Swap 2.55am Wife Swap: The Aftermath 3.20am The War At Home 3.45am The O.C. So the OC is over, and I for one cried a little. It was more so for my lack of weekly Seth Cohen fix but me. The OC was wonderful on many levels. The people were unattainably beautiful, they’re meant to be 18!

Ha! Even the parents look better than the kids. Speaking of parents: SANDY COHEN. One of my favourite Jews.

What a man, what morals, what eyebrows. Then we’ve got the love lives of them all, which are all so incestuously linked. But I’ve nearly filled the space so BOV!

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am The Morning Line 9:30am The KNTV Show 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am Engineering at the Cutting Edge 11:00am Batty Man 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Penblwydd Pwy 1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham Festival 4:15pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Craig ac Eifion 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Teledu Eddie 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Uned 5 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Tipit 9:00pm Jonathan 10:00pm Gwragedd Rygbi 10:30pm Caerdydd 11:30pm CNEX 11:45pm Johnny Mnemonic 1:30am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 2:00am Balls of Steel 2:45am Live from Abbey Road 3:40am Corinne Bailey Rae: Live in

8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women Probably still harking on about how the Kate Moss collection has nowt to offer ‘real’ women. You know what you gobby cows, fuck off, it’s only because you’re past it, go and shop in Per Una like everyone else’s middle-aged mum.

12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm For the Rest of Your Life 4:00pm Agatha Christie's Poirot 6:00pm London Tonight Bugger London, there’s a far more pressing issue going on in the office as we speak: why isn’t TV Marshall wearing his glasses? It’s like the great mystery behind who killed Den Watts all over again. And now it’s got TV Guy and TV Jazz talking. We believe Tracey Oberman looks like an Afgan hound.

Only her hair mind, we’re not saying that facially she resembles a K9 or nuffink. Honest.

6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Home Sale DIY: Tonight 8:30pm Agatha Christie's Marple 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm It Shouldn't Happen to... a Showbiz Reporter Speaking of which, Lizo is presenting (would have presented by the time you read this) this year’s Media Awards; we shall tell all about this night next week no doubt. Excited?

Probably not. I am though!

PICK OF THE DAY

7.00pm Castaway 8.00pm Freaky Eaters: Addicted To Junk Food 9.00pm Doctor Who 9.45pm Doctor Who Confidential 10.00pm Eastenders 10.30pm Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.30pm Ideal 12.00am Family Guy 12.40am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 1.40am Rob Brydon’s Annually Retentive 2.10am Ideal 2.40-3.40am Freaky Eaters TAKEN FROM A FEW WEEKS AGO! Speaking of freaky eaters, I’ve just finished eating my free Rustler’s microwaveable flame grilled chicken sandwich, sans microwave.

Suprisingly not as repulsive as one would expect, and I certainly proved TV Kyle wrong, who suggested it wasn’t possible. However, I’m sure that he will be proved correct later tonight when I’m bent double over the toilet bowl yakking my guts up. However, for the time being, I win, and he is the loser.

Also, BBC 3 please put on more TV because there is too much space.

7.00pm Elgar’s Enigma: A Hidden Portrait 7.50pm The Diary Of A Nobody Shorts 8.00pm The World 8.30pm Young Guns Go For It: Madness 9.00pm If It Ain’t Stiff Try Viagra innit. 10.30pm Music Hall Meltdown 12.00am The Avengers 12.50am Marcus Brigstocke’s Trophy People 1.20am If It Ain’t Stiff 2.504.20am Music Hall Meltdown Stand up against the wall/ So I can make you out/ Do do you wanna be it?/ You take the power out/ One day we'll be wandering/ Girl you'll be a dandy And a deserter/ You sit astride your horses/ Dressed as Nelson/ I wanna see her/ I wanna see her/ I wanna see her with her horses/ Oh yeah I bet I'd like your underwear/ I bet I'd like your underwear/ I bet I'd like your underwear/ You got it down/ You got it down/ Uh huh/ You got it down/ You got it down.

Gosh I bloody love Electrelane.

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

9.00pm Ugly Betty Ch4 Personally if you’ve got essays and revision to be getting on with i’d rather you were all suffering too, but if you didn’t watch TV I’d be out of a job. So, hmmm, I’ll probably watch Ugly Betty if I were you. Geeks are cool, expect it to hit the shelves of Topshop soon. See picture of ‘nerd’ Henry above. That and I feel it deals with a range of issues, from transgender, to employment poltics, relationships. Oh fuck it, it’s just so much fun and Henry’s fit.

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

e s

gairrhydd

27

SATURDAY

MAY.12.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Just for Laughs

Daphne

Robotboy

Popworld

Man-Eating Python

BBC1 5.25pm

BBC2 9.00pm

ITV1 8.45am

Channel 4 10.35am

five 11.00am

6:00am Breakfast 10:00am Saturday Kitchen 11:30am Great British Menu 12:00pm BBC News; Weather 12:10pm Football Focus 1:00pm Racing from Ascot and Haydock Park 2:30pm Rugby League: Challenge Cup Fifth Round 4:35pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 4:55pm My Family are alright. 5:25pm Just for Laughs 5:55pm Weakest Link 6:45pm Any Dream Will Do 7:50pm The National Lottery Draws 8:00pm Eurovision Song Contest Final 2007 11:15pm BBC News; Weather 11:35pm Dragonfly 1:15am Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 2:20am Joins BBC News 24 Top 20 Favourite Sweets: 20. Chomp. 19.

Freddo. 18. Wham! Bar. 17. Cadburys Buttons 16. Paedo Originals. 15.

Blackjacks. 14. Fruit Salads 13.

Skittles 12. Malteasers. 11. Haribo Starmix. 10. Jelly Babies. 9. Haribo Tangfastics. 8. Opal Fruits (NOT Starburst!) 7. Mars Bar. 6. Millions. 5.

Pick ‘n’ Mix. 4. Dolly Mixture. 3.Cola Bottles. 2. Fried Eggs. 1. Shrimps. Who would win in a fight between: Stevie Wonder on wheels versus Stephen Hawking after being tarred in feathers?

A man made of shoes or a man made of socks? An elephant versus a mini?

Mary Whitehouse versus a hairy white mouse? Philip Scofield versus Sutton coal field? Jaws The Shark versus Jaws the Bond villain? Vinnie Jones versus Aled Jones? Your mum versus mine?

6:00am CBeebies:Teletubbies 6:30am Balamory 6:50am CBeebies:Step Inside 7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:10am Arthur 7:35am Watch My Chops 8:00am Mona the Vampire 8:30am The Story of Tracy Beaker 9:00am Hider In The House 10:00am What's New Scooby-Doo? 10:20am The Cramp Twins 10:30am Totally Doctor Who 11:00am The Story of Tracy Beaker 11:30am The Fairly Odd Parents 11:45am Sportsround 12:00pm See Hear 12:30pm The Sky at Night 1:00pm Coast: Shipwrecks 1:10pm Animal Park 1:40pm The Philadelphia Story 3:30pm Guess Who's Coming to Dinner 5:15pm Rebecca 7:20pm The Culture Show 8:10pm Rick Stein in Du Maurier Country 9:00pm Daphne 10:30pm Have I Got a Bit More News for You 11:15pm TOTP2 Goes Eurovision! And gosh! Aren’t I just super excited!

Question! What is with the over-use of exclamation marks in everyday use nowadays?! Bands like !!! and Hadouken! are all jumping on the bandwagon! And although it does make speaking that tad more exciting! How the FUCK do you pronounce “!!!”?! This annoys me because they’re really rather good! Go listen! 11:25pm ITV News; Weather 11:45pm TV's Naughtiest Blunders 12:35am Out Cold 2:00am Star Trek 2:50am Star Trek

SERIOUS CAT CHANNEL

6:00am Doodlebops 6:30am Little Einsteins 7:00am Go Diego Go 7:25am Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 7:50am Yin Yang Yo! 8:05am Avatar 8:45am Robotboy I hate to wax lyrical about kids TV, when let’s be honest, the new TV Desk have actually done it to death. And then battered it again. But when you see a show leap out at you when you’re a bleary-eyed, tired mess with Rise Against pounding against your feet and American kids taking over your toilets, it sure is refreshing. HOWEVER. This can’t beat Bernard’s Watch. That watch is the single best invention ever created. Yeah, even better than light and electricity and all that.

9:25am CITV:Horrid Henry 9:35am CITV:Grizzly Tales For Gruesome Kids 9:50am CITV:Jungle Run 10:20am American Idol 11:20am American Idol 12:20pm ITV News; Weather 12:25pm London Today 12:30pm F1: Spanish Grand Prix Qualifying 2:20pm Bennett's British Superbike Championship 3:20pm Agatha Christie's Murder in Three Acts 5:10pm London Tonight 5:25pm ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5:40pm You've Been Framed!

6:40pm Vernon Kay's Gameshow Marathon 7:45pm Grease Is the Word: Live 9:25pm Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

10:25pm Parkinson 11:25pm ITV News; Weather 11:45pm TV's Naughtiest Blunders

6:05am Making It 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am T4:Musicool: The Live Show 10:35am T4:Popworld 11:20am T4:Friends 11:55am T4:Friends 12:25pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:55pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing from Lingfield Park and Nottingham 4:00pm Red Bull Air Race 4:50pm Deal or No Deal Classic 5:35pm Monarchy by David Starkey 6:35pm Channel 4 News 7:00pm Three Kings At War 8:00pm Antony Gormley: Making Space 9:00pm The Transporter 10:40pm Arlington Road 12:50am Ibiza Rocks with Sony Ericsson Whoah! We're Going To Ibiza Whoah! Back To The Island. Whoah!

We're Going To Ibiza. Whoah! We're Gonna Have A Party. Whoah! In The Mediterranean Sea. Ioh Ioh, Oh We Oh. Ioh Ioh, Oh We Oh. Ioh Ioh, Oh We Oh Ioh Ioh, Oh We Oh. Thank You For Flying Venga Airways, We Are Now Approaching Ibiza Airport. As You Can See The Sky Is Blue, And The Beach Is Waiting For You. I Am Not Sure Why All These Words Begin With CAPS LOCK, But I Do Know One Thing: If Venga Airways Actually Existed, I’d Cack My Pants With Excitement. Whoah!

1:25am Next Friday 3:10am The Sunchaser

6:55am The Milkshake! Show 7:25am Mist: Sheepdog Tales 7:35am Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Say It with Noddy 8:05am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:20am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs Harry has a fucking big bucket. 8:35am The Book of Pooh Yum. 9:00m Ebb and Flo 9:05am Peppa Pig 9:15am Fifi and the Flowertots 9:30am Jane and the Dragon 10:00am Fifth Gear 11:00am Man-Eating Python: Austin Stevens Adventures This sounds good.

12:05pm Columbo: Murder by the Book 1:40pm Asteroid 4:25pm The Monster Squad 6:00pm The Distinguished Gentleman 7:50pm five news and sport 8:05pm NCIS 9:00pm CSI:NY 10:00pm Law and Order 11:00pm Grey's Anatomy 12:00am Quiz Call Not that we’re usually hilarious or anything, but I’m finding it really, REALLY hard to find anything witty to say that doesn’t resort to making jokes about buckets or shit. One day, I wish I could be a serious TV critic. You know, like..well I dunno, but somebody like good and famous and whatnot. Like the Barry Norman of tellyvision. But some of us are leaving the good ship TV Desk in the summertime to depart for bigger and brighter things, and so, my dreams would seem dashed. Sigh.

FEAR NOT! TV Team will all still be enthusiastic for student media! HOOFUCKING-RAY.

PICK OF THE DAY RED HOT GOATS

9:30pm Gavin and Stacey 10:00pm My Big Breasts and Me 11:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps I’m really very sorry but our listings for BBC3 decided to fuck up today, meaning we can only really tell you what’s on for a good three hour period. Thankfully, however, three hours should be long enough for you to discover that BBC3 is actually pretty shit and plays Two Pints of Fucking Lager and a Packet of Wanking Crisps far too much. To the point, one might say, that it becomes rather tiresome. So I do apologise, but as a result of our error, you probably have learnt a significant lesson that perhaps you might not have otherwise. You’re probably best sticking to 4OD, or anything that gives you American imports.

Or perhaps just good old fashioned terrestrial. Speaking of, does anybody remember the days that after a certain type programmes used to shut off-----------

6.00am Taxing Advice 6.30am Gardening Advice 7.00am The Best Way to Get From Birmingham to Manchester Avoiding All The B-Roads 8.00am How To Grout Your Bathroom 8.30am A Word From Serious Cat 8.45am Make Your Own Fan 9.30am Top 100 Kettles 10.00am Serious Cat Chat 11.00am Where To Buy A Suitable Washing Machine 11.30am Make Your Own Fortune 12.00pm 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Clocks 1.00pm The Ship And The Bottle Hour 2.00pm Simon Clock Tribute Hour 3.00pm The Pros and Cons of BlueTac 3.30pm Dentures And You 4.00pm Landfill Sites of West Yorkshire 5.00pm How To Pick The Perfect Silt 6.00pm Know Your Drinking Water 7.00pm Serious Cat’s Thought Of The Day 7.30pm Origami For Beginners 8.00pm Decking Power Hour 9.00pm How To Mend A Hobnail Boot 10.00pm Goodnight From Cat

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

The Shins “Australia” Video, Forever, YouTube Okay, so it’s not on TV, but it’s 11pm on the day of the deadline, and I’ve just spent the last 20 minutes making up a fucking “Serious Cat” channel, which is probably more useful than BBC4. But if there’s one pop music video you check out anytime soon, let it be this one. The Shins are rad, they steal balloons, dress as trees, and generally make beautiful music. If you’re going to Reading, don’t miss them. If you aren’t, go on YouTube and watch this video again and again. “La la la la la la/Dare to be one of us, girl/Facing the android's conundrum”

10.00pm Goat Preview 10.15pm Reader’s Goats 11.00pm Mature Goats 11.30pm Barely Legal Goats 12.00am Goat Wives 12.30am Deep Goating 1.00am Goat On Sheep Action 1.15am 9 Woolly Inches 1.30am 8 Goats & Me 1.45am “God They Will Eat Everything Won’t They” 2.00am Goats Gone Wild 2.15am Goats On Tour 2.30am Goats Laid Bare 2.45am Goats Do Dallas 3.00am Euro Goat 3.15am Goat Slags 3.30am Playgoat 3.45 Goats Of The Playboy Mansion 4.00am Goats Milk 4.15am Goats On Spring Break 4.30am Goat Preview 4.45am Goat Preview 5.00am Goat Preview 5.15am Goat Preview 5.30am Goat Preview 5.45am Goat Preview 6.00am Goats Get The Horn 6.15am Fat Goats 6.30am Good Goats With Bad Intentions 6.45am Goat Virgins 7.00am South American Goats 7.15am Bisexual Goats 7.30am Goat Booty 7.45am Goat Preview 8.00am Goat Preview

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am Postmodern Pastimes 9:10am Friends 9:40am Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 10:10am Cynhadledd Plaid The Party of Wales 12:10pm The OC 1:05pm Beauty and the Geek 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing from Lingfield Park and Newbury 4:05pm Deal or No Deal 4:50pm Newyddion 5:00pm Y Clwb Rygbi 7:10pm Y Clwb Pel-Droed 7:45pm Newyddion a Chwaraeon 8:00pm Noson Lawen 9:00pm O'r Galon 9:35pm Codi Canu 10:05pm CNEX 10:20pm The Shawshank Redemption 12:55am Bremner, Bird and Fortune 2:55am Transmission With T-Mobile 3:55am Let the Music Play: The Barry White Story 4:50am KOTV I’m the urban spaceman baby/I got speed/I got everything I need/I’m the urban spaceman baby/I can fly/I’m a supersonic guy/I don’t need pleasure/I don’t feel pain/lalalalalalalalalala.

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

28 gairrhydd

SUNDAY

MAY.13.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Antiques Roadshow

Natural World

Legends

BBC1 6.50pm

BBC2 6.10pm

ITV1 11.30pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:00am Sunday AM 10:00am Heaven and Earth with Gloria Hunniford 11:00am Countryfile 12:00pm The Politics Show 1:00pm 'Allo 'Allo! 1:30pm Keeping Up Appearances 2:00pm Cash in the Attic 2:30pm EastEnders 4:25pm Lifeline 4:35pm Final Score 5:15pm Points of View 5:30pm Shaun the Sheep 5:40pm Songs of Praise 6:15pm Castaway 6:50pm Antiques Roadshow 7:35pm BBC News; Weather 7:50pm Regional News and Weather 8:00pm Victoria's Empire 9:00pm Dalziel and Pascoe 10:00pm BBC News; Weather 10:20pm Match of the Day 11:50pm Where the Money Is 1:15am Sign Zone:Holby City 2:15am Sign Zone:Antiques Roadshow 3:05am Sign Zone:To Buy or Not to Buy 3:50am Joins BBC News 24 That boy’s a Hoxton Hero, skinny fit jeans and dressed in pink, how he dresses I care zero, as long as he don't steal my drink. That girls an Indie Cindy, Lego haircut and polka-dot dress, I don't care if she thinks she's indie, how she's different is anyone’s guess.

You've got your skin tights, colours on the floor, with all your white lines, every slut and whore, all the band boys in your specs and sneakers, we got your back, now its time to blow the speaker, I went to a rave and it got real moody, how can a screwface have a good time? Was he deprived of his mother’s boobie?

6:00am CBeebies:Teletubbies 6:30am Balamory 6:50am Step Inside 7:00am CBBC:Batfink 7:10am Legend of the Dragon 7:30am Smile 10:00am Something for the Weekend 11:30am Inside Sport 12:15pm Animal Park 1:00pm Premiership Rugby Union 1:45pm Rugby League: Challenge Cup 3:45pm Paralympic World Cup 5:40pm Big Cat Diary: Family Histories 6:10pm Natural World 7:00pm Cooking in the Danger Zone 8:00pm The Best of Top Gear 9:00pm Supergrass 10:30pm Graham Norton Uncut 11:15pm Roman's Empire 11:45pm Family Guy 12:10am The Three Stooges 1:35am Incense for the Damned Pop tart/What's our mission/Do we know/But never listen /For too long/They held me under/But I hear/It's almost over/In Detroit On a Memphis train/Like you said it's down in the heat and the summer rain of/The automatic gauze of your memories/Down in the sleep at the airplane races/Try to hold on To this heart/A little bit longer/Try to hold on/To this love aloud/Try to hold on/For this heart's/A little bit colder /Try to hold on to this love /Paperback scrawl your hidden poems/ Written around the dried out flowers / Here we are still trading places/To try to hold on/Pop tart/Can you envision A free world/Of clear division/For too long/They held us under/But I know We're getting over/In Detroit With the Nashville tears

Little Princess

five 7.30am

6:05am Making It 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Everybody Loves Raymond 7:55am Just Shoot Me 8:25am Just Shoot Me 8:55am Frasier 9:20am Frasier 9:50am Will and Grace 10:20am Without a Trace 11:10am Without a Trace 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Life Begins Again 1:30pm Sergeant Rutledge 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Watch this Space 8:00pm A Place in the Sun 8:30pm Chaos at the Chateau 9:00pm Lie of the Land 10:30pm The Score 12:10am Peep Show 12:40amBalls of Steel 1:25am The War at Home 1:50am The Osbournes 2:15am The Osbournes 2:40am Your Face or Mine? 3:10am Off Centre 3:35am Off Centre 3:55am The Bernie Mac Show 4:20am Reasons to be Cheerful - 23 degree celcius; watching the girls go by; bumper Tescos BBQ packs; procuring a top hat for the Summer Ball; Chelsea sucking balls; that you’ve just watched the Bernie Mac show - ‘Lord have mercy, da Lord is my shepherd, he know what I want; excuse me brothers!’ See, many a reason to turn those frowns upside-the-fuck-down. With TV Rennison on board, how could you not?

6:00am The Save-Ums! 6:10am Fifi and the Flowertots 6:25am Franny's Feet 6:40am Bird Bath 6:45am Funky Town 6:50am The Milkshake! Show 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am Little Princess 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Say It with Noddy 8:05am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:20am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Old Bear Stories 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Britains Worst... Teenager 1:30pm Russell Grant's Postcards 1:40pm The Cockleshell Heroes 3:35pm five news update 3:40pm Final Run 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Home and Away 7:00pm five news 7:15pm How Not to Decorate 8:00pm Ann Maurice: Interior Rivalry 9:00pm House 10:00pm Shark 11:00pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation I’d ike to investigate the crime of paying above-Taf prices for my double vodkas at the Summer Ball. I’d dust Trevor Nelson’s head for prints, paint corpse outlines on the dancefloor, then grab my official CSI microscope and throw it at the nearest Feeling groin.

12:30am PartyPoker.com European Open III 2:00am Major League Baseball 4:45am NHRA Drag Racing

SAFETY CAT

LTV

1954. gada 6. novembris – toreizïjÇs R¥gas telev¥zijas studijas pirmÇ pÇrraide no L. Laicena (tagad LielÇ Nomet¿u) ielas 62: R¥gas kinostudijas mÇkslas filmu "MÇjup ar uzvaru" noskatÇs vien¥go 20 televizoru ¥pa‰nieki LatvijÇ: pie pirmajiem padomju televizoriem “KVN”, kuru ekrÇna diagonÇles lielums ir 18 cm un kuru attïla palielinljanai tiek izmantota ar destilïtu !deni vai glicer¥nu pild¥ta lïca, pulcïjas lepno ¥pa‰nieku radi, kaimi¿i un draugi...

1955. gada apr¥lis - uzb!vïts pirmais telev¥zijas tornis R¥gÇ, ÅgenskalnÇ, LielajÇ Nomet¿u ielÇ 62. TÇ augstums - 110 metri. Darbu sÇk pirmais R¥gas Telecentra telev¥zijas studiju komplekss. 1958. gads – telev¥zija ienÇk Kurzemï: telev¥zijas tornis un raid¥tÇjs tiek uzstÇd¥ts Kuld¥gÇ 1961. gads – R¥gas telev¥zijas studija sÇk otras telev¥zijas programmu, retranslïjot Maskavas CT 1968. gads – sÇkums regulÇriem

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 2:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Half Ton Hospital with Jeremy Kyle 4:00pm Daily Cooks 5:00pm The Royal 6:00pm London Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Tales from the Country 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm The Last Detective 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Crimefighters: Lanes, Trains and Automobiles 11:30pm Legends 12:00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 3:50am Don't Move, Improve 4:30am Don't Move, Improve Or do both. Like moving from Colchester to anywhere else. I really hate Colchester. It’s like Essex, but even worse. The streets run with the faeces of Nazis and slags, while babies scream for attention, luring you in with cries of infant terror before morphing into giant demon-monkeys with fangs who pronounce it ‘wa’er’. ‘Can I ave a glass of wa’er?’ says the demon-monkey, ‘Alwight, I’m a proper demon-monkey’, it says. You scream at the sight of what was once a wailing child, but it is to no avail; the soiled pavements of Colchester thunder with its besmirching footsteps, and parade towards London to destroy the universe. Steggles, lick my love pump.

Fat Beauty Contest Channel 4 3.25am

EXCITING CAT! 6:00am Corners and Their Dangers 6:30am Let’s all Play With Bubble Wrap 7:00am Picking the Best Steering Wheel Lock 7:30am Being Careful With Scissors 8:00am The Safest Way To Fall Over 9:00am Know The Recovery Position 9:30am 1000 Ways to Avoid Injury 10:00am Investment Banking For Beginners 10:30am Practicality and Safety Beginners Guide 11:00am Scary Dogs and How to Avoid Them 11:30am 20 Reasons Not To Smell The Old Milk in the Gair Rhydd Office 12:00pm Know Your Dangers 12:30pm Don’t Play With Fire 1:00pm The Safest Way To Take Paracetemol 1:30pm Applying Plasters Properly 2:00pm Don’t die 2:30pm Driving With Care 3:00pm Why You Shouldn’t Swallow Chewing Gum 3:30pm Don’t Walk Under Ladders 4:00pm Don’t Break Mirrors 4:30pm No bombing, No Running, No Heavy Petting!

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

Sunday is the day of the week between Saturday and Monday. In JudaeoChristian tradition it is the first day of the week. Since the second half of the 20th century it has also been counted as the seventh day of the week, as international standards have been agreed upon for overcoming technical barriers in worldwide commerce. In a number of countries both counts run side by side. Sunday is considered a holiday in most countries of the world and as part of the weekend. Only countries influenced by Islamic (or Jewish) culture often have Friday (or Saturday) as a weekly holiday instead. The Gregorian calendar repeats every 400 years, and no century starts on a Sunday. The Jewish New Year never falls on a Sunday. "Sunday" is also the name of the first song on David Bowie's 2002 album Heathen.

6:00am Cats on Speed! 7:00am How to Play a Guitar Solo Whilst Doing a Wheelie on a Bike! 7:30am Cats on The Edge! 8:00am Cats on Fire!

8:30am Dog Fighting! 9:00am Stupid Cat Arrests 6! 9:30am Cats Play The Drums! 10:00 Ninjas Fighting Jedis!

11:00am Sharing Needles With Pete Doherty! 11:30am Lets Fire Pete Rollins Out of A Cannon! 12:00pm Vicky Bayley Fights a Tiger! 12:30pm Pete Rollins Fights a Tiger! 1:00pm Ed Dolding Runs With Scissors 1:30pm Curly Dances With Death!

2:00pm Aggelos on Fire! 3:00pm Amy Walker Plays With Acid! 3:30pm Guy Ferneyhough Tries To Stay Up All Day! 4:00pm Nick Merrimen Goes To a Lecture! 4:30pm Steffan Thomas Does Extreme Skiing And Stuff! 5:00pm Andy McDougall Fights a Polar Bear on Acid! 6:00pm Michael Line Fights Guy Ferneyhough! 9:00pm Dave Sadd Fights a Horse in a Cage Match in Space!

7:05am The Hoobs 7:30am Trans World Sport 8:25am Velux 5 Oceans Ultimate Solo Challenge 8:55am World Cup Skiing 9:50am Amy Winehouse: Video Exclusive 9:55am Hollyoaks Omnibus 12:25pm Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 1:30pm Yr Wythnos 2:00pm Maniffesto 2:30pm Rownd a Rownd 3:00pm Rownd a Rownd 3:30pm Y Clwb Pel-Droed 5:30pm Byd o Liw 6:00pm Newyddion 6:05pm Pobol y Cwm Omnibws 8:00pm Cwpan Heineken 9:00pm Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 9:30pm Cefn Gwlad 10:00pm Tipyn O Stad 10:45pm Saith Gair Olaf Crist 11:00pm Newyddion 11:15pm Cor Cymru 12:30am Kidnapped 2:05am The Business 3:40am I Speak Animal 4:05am 4 Music:South by Southwest Festival 2007 4:45am The Insider potato, cheese, hammer, obstruct, euphamism, Simon, Hairy, Jobsworth, Dogfish, Ninja, lipstick, facebook, clock, clock, clock

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29

PROBLEM PAGE

MAY.07.2007 PROBLEMPAGE@gairrhydd.COM

The de Ville’s Advocate This Week: I’m Hot Just Like an Oven...

TAN-TALISING It's that time of year again. The months of lobster skin and Athlete's Foot are now upon us. I've watched the sunshine out of the window while I've melted away in front of a personal computer. I hope you're happy. I'm now so pale that I'm almost translucent. Here are some of my favourite tanned celebrities. I'm terribly envious.

JULIAN CLARY: A SUBTLE SHADE OF MAHOGANY

DALE WINTON: A BEACON OF BROWN

JASON ORANGE: NOT ACTUALLY THAT ORANGE

Bored Games Dear Grace,

David. x

Playing board games every night with my housemates has severely depleted the quality of my life.

I was once a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. I was Metrosexual.

I filed my nails and made sure that my eyebrows didn't meet in the middle. Fast-forward seven months and I'm literally a caveman.

We take these games very seriously: you could slice the competitive air with a cucumber and fights break out over something as innocuous as a contested Scrabble word or the rules of Articulate. Family entertainment has resulted in a surge of testosterone coursing through my body. I've grown a beard and now refer to women as 'birds'.

I'm constantly enraged and can't go anywhere without plotting my next 'win'. We've got a poker night scheduled for next week. I'm dreading it. How can I wean myself off the euphoric nectar of success?

Dear David,

Grace xxx

Tall Stories?

Dear Grace, I don't have much time to go out and meet people. Doing a PhD leaves no room in my life for romantic entanglements and I've resorted to cruising Internet dating sites. I don't think 'cruising' is the right word. I'm not some fifty-year-old paedophile; I'm just a busy girl.

Anyway, I've started conversing with a man who ticks all my boxes. Problem is, he's six foot three and I'm a whisper short of five feet tall. I foolishly listed my height in my profile as five foot seven. We've arranged to meet up next week. No amount of stretching will help. The highest platforms in the world won't hide my lies. Do I come clean now or just cancel the date? I can't just turn up, can I? Meena, Canton

JASMINE LENNARD: A WORK OF TA(N) (A)RT.

Winning is everything, I quite agree with you. I've discovered the hard way that you should never, NEVER play any form of board game with anyone affiliated with The Media in any way.

Those hard-nosed word-luvvies are a bastard to compete with.

Playing a game of Trivial Pursuit with them is tantamount to a fullscale war. It wouldn't surprise me if you were a journalism student. I can spot them from a mile off, with their backwards faces and permanent scowls.

It's advisable to get out while you can. I lost my husband, children and house to a severe addiction to illicit board gaming.

When my youngest was only six, he became stricken with a rare disease called 'Far PricklePrickle'. It's born out of a parasite that lurks in thistles and jumps onto passing prey like a microscopic thief in the night.

Poor Cuthbert turned blue and

lost half of his face to this dreadful affliction. I forgot to take him to hospital because I was too busy trying to make a six-letter word out of consonants and he died shortly after I'd chucked the board across the room and stormed out in a huff.

I've learned the hard way that George Formby DIDN'T fight Muhammad Ali in the Rumble in the Jungle, Radon is NOT the biggest killer in the industrialised world, 'Dang' has NEVER been a word, and Calpol CANNOT be used to treat Malaria. Knowledge is power, and I'm out of batteries.

Please don't think ill of me.

Times were different then; life was cheap. We had ration books.

There wasn't even a National Health Service. You have the opportunities to make something of yourself without resorting to indoor games. There are SCRATCHCARDS now. Buy yourself ten and you'll never look back.

Dear Meena,

I'm prone to tell the odd untruth here and there. It's natural.

BUT… it's one thing to tell someone they look nice in their dress when they clearly look like they've been clingfilmed, and quite another thing to falsify your own physics.

No amount of Baby Bio will defy the laws of nature. You're a stump and you're stuck with it.

I'd quite like for my arms to be longer. I'd also like an additional arm. I'd like to be able to see in the dark. I'd like to be able to change the shape of my face to match my outfits. I'd like to marry Brian Blessed. You can't win 'em all.

Anyway, I'm not suggesting for one millisecond that a significant difference in stature should or would be an issue. The real problem here is the massive web of deceit you've spun yourself. I'd be surprised if your nose wasn't as long as your body.

I've always been a bit bewildered by the idea Cyber-Dating. I don't know if this is the correct terminology but it sounds cool and futuristic, like arranging a rendezvous with the Terminator.

Good luck with it all. I think you should just turn up anyway. He could be unaware of the number of inches in a foot. Not many people are familiar with imperial measures these days. Capitalise on his ignorance.

I'm sure it'll go swimmingly.

However, some people are categorically NOT made for each other. Murphy and Scary; Kermit and Piggy; Blue and Elton John; Gabrielle and Thom Yorke. I'm sure you get the picture. What would the latter's children look like? The thought of it is enough to make one's eyes pop out. I need to lie down.

Grace xxx

I've just eaten far too many olives. Are they even good for you? How can something that resembles a greasy decaying eyeball be beneficial to one's wellbeing?

It wouldn't be the first time that I've sat and ate olives while writing this page. Misery and Mediterranean food seem to go hand-in-hand. Enjoy the sunshine. xxx

30 gairrhydd

FIVE MINUTE FUN 5 2

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CROSSWORD 2

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Mallets Magic

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HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU: Fill in the numbers. And it’s easy. Easy like sunday morning. Saturday night and I like the way you move. Pretty baby.

1

What was Billie's first No. 1? a) Chris Evans b) In her nappy c) Should have stayed at school 2. Which port provided a hit for The Beautiful

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The Big Jizz

Brainteasers for your mangled mind...

9

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FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

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Pisces Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus.

Aries Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to the dead corpse of Boris Yeltsin.

Cancer The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest scratching your betty swollox and spreading the smeg on toast.

Virgo Kong your whopper and make sure you add

South? a) Port Talbot b) Rotterdam c) Newport 3. What's the only battle to have been the one-word title of a No. 1 ? a) Battleships b) Waterloo c) Dunkirk 4. What colour was UB40's wine? a) Mauve b) Red, Red, Red c) Piss coloured

answers; a,b,e,c

SUDOKU

MAY.07.2007

extra blini sauce. Sunday sacrifices will ensure you go to hell.

Leo Grrrr, your inner lion awakes. Go pounce on you female prey and ejaculate in her ear.

Sagittarius Give a dog a bone and then decapitate its leg to use as an examination lucky charm.Woof.

Taurus Don’t leave the house as there’s a 46.2% chance of you getting Aids today.

Capricorn Watch out for any suspicious-looking trannies. Especially ones that are called Codney Trouter and offer you the world in return for a magic bean.

All you other mofos...(frontal labotomists).

Timmy does not care for your sort and is too busy touching his big, pink thing (Miss Mallet) to read your signs.

Don’t be upset, it’s all bollocks anyway.

PEASANTS.

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found on facebook

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Post them up on da’book at the ‘found on facebook’ group

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ACROSS 1 Sweet sound (6) 4 Athletics barrier (6) 9 Bell tower (9) 10 Untruth (3) 11 Colouring substance (3) 12 Started again (7) 14 About (5) 16 Calvin - - -, American fashion designer (5) 17 Spoil, tarnish (7) 19 US border river, - - -, Grande (3) 22 Deceive, swindle (3) 23 A climax (9) 24 International agreement (6) 25 Clergyman in charge of a

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parish (6) DOWN 1 Flour maker (6) 2 Publican (8) 3 Slightly wet (4) 5 Clown’s bike (8) 6 Legal document (4) 7 Cry of Archimedes (6) 8 Mad (5) 13 Cenotaph (8) 15 Item of clothing (8) 16 Olga - - -, Soviet Gymnast (6) 17 Badger? (5) 18 Yearn (6) 20 Throwing line in a game of darts (4) 21 Part of the leg (4)

smashed

gairrhydd

31

GRAB!

MAY.07.2007 COMPETITIONS@gairrhydd.COM

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

WIN tickets to see Groove Armada

W

e have tickets up for grabs to see the fantastic Groove Armada on their popular summer tour!

One of the UK's most popular live acts, Groove Armada, are coming home. After taking their live show around the world several times, the boys are set to tour the UK for the first time since 2004.

The Soundboy Rock tour goes nationwide this coming May in support of their new studio album. It culminates in a special Lovebox event in Birmingham on May 27. It kicks off a huge summer of festival appearances for Groove Armada, with headline shows at Rockness, and, of course, their own Lovebox event in London this summer.

Soundboy Rock is a major return for the much-loved Groove Armada boys. Described as a whole festival crammed onto one CD, Soundboy Rock is already shaping up to be one of this summer's big albums.Soundboy Rock is the sound of a band ten years young. Recorded between London (Tom) and Barcelona (Andy), Soundboy Rock is a wonderfully

uplifting album and a celebration of dance music's vibrant versatility. It's an album teeming with ideas, featuring a roll-call of superlative talents. Easily Groove Armada's most diverse record to date, contributions from Mutya (ex-Sugababes), Candi Staton, Alan Donohoe (The Rakes), Simon Lord (Simian), Richard Archer (Hard-Fi), Jeb Loy Nichol, Jack Splash (Plant Life), Jack McManus, Tony Allen, Rhymefest, Stush, Angie Stone, and Mad propel this record along at an exhilarating pace.

244 4600 May 21 Glasgow Barrowlands 0870 169 0100 May 22 Newcastle Carling Academy 0870 771 2000 May 24 London Roundhouse 0870 389 1846 May 25 London Roundhouse 020 7403 3331 May 27 Lovebox presents Lovebox Birmingham - Heathmill Lane 0870 042 7486

Tickets £19.50. London £23.50 on sale today 24 hour CC Hotline 0871 2200 260 or buy online @ www.gigsandtours.com Go to www.groovearmada.com for up-to-the-minute info and interviews about the album with both Tom and Andy.

Groove Armada will precede the album with the single Get Down, featuring Stush on the 30th April (Columbia)

The album Soundboy Rock follows on the May 7 (Columbia) For your chance to win two tickets to the gig just email us the answer to the following question at the above address: When was the last time Groove Armada played in the UK?

Tour Details May 09 Bristol Carling Academy 0870 771 2000 May 10 Cardiff University 029 2078 1458 May 11 Southampton Guildhall 023 8063 2601 May 12 Manchester Apollo 0870 401 8000 May 14 Liverpool Carling Academy 0870 771 2000 May 15 Nottingham Rock City 0871 3100 000 May 17 Norwich UEA 01603 508 050 May 18 Leeds University 0113

A

RE YOU a dance enthusiast? Fancy winning two tickets to the next SUMO night at Clwb Ifor Bach with Soul of Man from Finger Lickin Records on May 11? Then you know what to do! Send us a quick email with 50 words on why you should get the tickets and you could be larging it up with Soul of Man this Friday night.

Any dream will do A

RE YOU already hooked on BBC One’s Any Dream Will Do? Well then, why not use this opportunity to catch up and watch the latest Universal Pictures release: Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat is out on DVD courtesy of Universal Pictures UK from April 23 2007.

The DVD version of the live stage show that has been touring the world has a fantastic, all-star including Donny Osmond, Joan Collins and Richard Attenborough, and is now available for the new price of £14.99.

For the first time ever Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s fun-filled musical has been specially filmed for DVD. Inspired by the record breaking London Palladium production,. A lively and colourful journey through Ancient Egypt, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat follows the rags to riches story of Joseph, his brothers and the coat of many colours. Spectacular visuals and an enchanting score packed with hit songs including Close Every Door To Me, Go Go Go Joseph and Any Dream Will Do will make this a dream show for all the family.

We have a copy of the DVD to give away, just send us an email with your details for your chance to win.

The Levellers’ live return

P

4 MUSIC presents The Levellers and special guests at the Cardiff Coal Exchange, May 15 2007, doors 7.30pm. After nearly 20 years making music, logic and longevity suggests that the Levellers have proved themselves as a great British band firmly steeped into the public’s consciousness.

The Levellers reinvigorated the music scene in the 1990s with their energised brand of music. Albums Levelling the Land and Zeitgeist spawned a worldwide, loyal following. Their current album, Truth and Lies, is the Levellers eighth studio album and marks a stunning return to form with tracks like the live favourite Last Man Alive.

From headline performances at Glastonbury and festivals throughout the world to intimate acoustic shows, the Levellers have long been one of the best live bands around. With a keen political eye and uncompromising attitudes they have always led from the front, yet have the sureness of touch to write pop gems like What a Beautiful Day alongside the many anthems: One Way, 15 Years, Just The One. 2007 marks the fifth year of their own Beautiful Days festival, again blazing a path for others to follow. Last year, as always, it sold out the 10,000 capacity on word of mouth alone. 2006 saw the first release Chaos Theory on the Levellers own label On the Fiddle Recordings, Chaos Theory” captures the band live on DVD for the first time and

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

amply demonstrates why they continue to sell 50,000 tickets to live shows each year. Warner Brothers are re-releasing five of the Levellers studio albums in 2007 including Levelling the Land and Zeitgeist and a new studio album is planned for 2008.

Tickets £16.50 advance and are available from Cardiff Coal Exchange on www.coalexchange.co.uk and www.seetickets.com. Also. their new live DVD Chaos Theory is out now.

For more check out: www.levellers.co.uk www.myspace.com/levellers.

If you fancy winning a pair of tickets to see the Levellers at Coal Exchange just email us at the usual address with the answer to this easy question: What is the Levellers current album called?

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

32 gairrhydd

LISTINGS

MAY.07.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

This Week; Welsh wonders the Manic Street Preachers tear Cardiff up; and The Soul

The Soul Destroyers Listings Editor Rosaria Sgueglia recommends

T

his week Listings recommend The Soul Dest-royers. This band is a mix of soul, rock pop, funk and Motown classics including Aretha Franklin, Marvin Gaye and James Brown, along with Tom Jones, Otis Redding and The Temptation – but who are The Soul Destroyers? .

The Soul Destroyer people are Abi (vox, tambourine), Dave (vox, tambourine, percussion), Sally (vox) and

Sian (vox, pompon shaking etc).

Finally in the rhythm section we find John Gee (guitar), Rich (bass), John Moo (keyboard, trumpet) and Muff.

This huge band have received a huge consensus from the reviewers who have graced their concerts. A critic from Bristol wrote “A stream of soul, rock, pop, funk and Motown classics just tumbled from the stage, with rarely a gap between them for the band or the audience to draw breath”.

And Keith Clark from the Bristol

THE POINT FRIDAY 11 MAY 7.30PM £6 Evening Post applauded Soul Destroyers’ performance using these words: “The packed audience sang and danced with them. Even the hardpressed bar staff found time to bop and sing along to a chorus or two.

“It was snowing outside, but inside Fiddlers was very hot and very sweaty. The Soul Destroyers just have to be the best party band around.” So what are you waiting for?

Enjoy the rhythm of this fab band, see you next week…

Manic Street s r e h c a e r P

STUDENTS’ UNION FRIDAY 10 MAY, SATURDAY 11 MAY 7.30PM £25

Rhys Triggs recommends

W

ales’ finest musical export the Manic Street Preachers are back with a superb new album and a sold out 23-date tour. The Manics play Cardiff University’s Great Hall on Friday 11 and Saturday 12 this month to promote Send Away The Tigers, an album already hailed by some fans as the band’s best release since 1995’s seminal Everything Must Go. Bassist/lyricist Nicky Wire promises “Springsteen-esque long sets” and “dumb punk fun” from the tour, with something to please every fan from the casual appreciator of You Stole The Sun From My Heart to those more likely to request an obscure Life Becoming A Landslide Japanese release B-side.

Send Away The Tigers (released this week) is a welcome return to the band’s rock roots after the epic introspection of This Is My Truth Tell Me Yours, the experimental but patchy nature of Know Your Enemy and the “elegiac pop” of Lifeblood.

The album is the sound of the Manics joyously rediscovering what made them tick as a band in the first place, listening back to their youthful influences and attempting once more to create their own Appetite For Destruction.

Their idiosyncratic brand of pure rock kicks coupled with fiercely intelligent lyrics is as effective as ever, with new single Your Love Alone Is Not Enough (featuring Cardigans singer Nina Persson) sure to become one of many new live favourites.

Of course, the formidable Manic Street Preachers’ back catalogue will still be on display, although as well as the usual “Greatest Hits” selection (A Design For Life, You Love Us, Motorcycle Emptiness), the band promise to drop some rarer tracks into the setlist as a treat for fans.

These concerts can’t be recommended enough; seeing the Manics live is an experience very few other bands can match. With their regained fire, the band will prove, once again, their rightful place as Britain’s most vital rock group.

Coming Up Thin Lizzy

Girls Aloud - 23 May @ CIA...The Who - 1 June @ Swansea... Paul Weller - 20 June @ Newport Centre...Kings of Leon - 5 July @ CIA... Damien Rice - 12 Oct @ CIA... Fflam Festival: Manic Street Preachers / Placebo / Feeder (plus others) - 12-15 July @ Singleton Park, Swansea...

gairrhydd 33

LISTINGS

MAY.07.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

Destroyers play The Point.

Monday 07/05 Fun Factory @ Solus, SU Cardiff’s own alternative music night. Also features DJing by Oddsoc and bands put on

by LMS in the live music room. 10pm - 2am.

Free entry with NUS. £3 otherwise.

The Jazz Attic @ Cafe Jaz Jam in a jazzy manner with the house jazz trio. All instruments and singers are welcome. £2/£1 if you perform. Arrive early.

Vodka Island @ Tiger Tiger Wales’ superclub. 9.30pm - 2am. £4.

Forecast presents Free Noise @ The Point Free Noise is a unique collaboration featuring major names from the burgeoning noise and free jazz scenes. Over two sets and through a series of improvised combinations, the paths of these two unorthodox musics will converge to produce something beautiful. Contact venue for more information.

Willy Mason @ The Point American singer-songwriter. Deploying country, folk and rock, he presents a new take on the concept of the modern solo songwriting performer. His first release Where The Humans Eat gained him critical acclaim.

7.30pm. £9.50 in advance.

Laughing Matters: Alan Carr @ St David's Hall The Friday Night Project’s co-host is a good comedian and knows how to manipulate a crowd - if you’ve watched his programme you will know exactly what I mean) 8pm. £17.50.

Pick Of The Day

Tuesday 08/05 Forecast @ Buffalo Bar The usual Forecast DJs spin the decks. 8pm - 3am. Free.

Planet Rock @ Clwb Ifor Bach The one and only rock request night, originating from a Cardiff music society way back.

You ask, and they play the rock, metal and goth classics. You can also request via MySpace.com/planet_rock_club. 9pm - 2pm. £3.

Stephen Fretwell @ Clwb Ifor Bach Manchester-based singer-songwriter, whose influences include The Beatles and Leonard Cohen. His songwriting skills have long been praised. 8pm. £10.

Third Day @ SU Christian rock group. 7pm. £12.

Wildlife Society Open Mic Night @ Buffalo Bar 8pm Kenny Driscoll Jam Band @ The Bute Dock Hotel 7pm. Free.

Pick Of The Day The Twang @ The Point A cross between The Stone Roses and The Streets, this Birmingham based band is hailed ‘the next big thing’ by NME. This five-piece indie band are bringing the rock ‘n’ roll attitude back to the music scene.

7pm. £8.50.

Wednesday 09/05

Rubber Duck @ Solus, SU Themed dressed up clubbing for jocks and pretend jocks. Apparently, it is a sell out each week. If you have any nurse or pornstar inclinations then you may well be very at home, as people frequently seem to be dressed up like them. 10pm. £3.

Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach Three floors, three different club nights.

Cheese, indie and Motown will take up residence, each on its own floor. 9.30pm. £3.

Cheapskates @ Metros The one and only sweatfest alternative musica night. Nice music and doubles a bargain £1.09, which means that you can have both a fun and an economical night out. 8pm-3am. £6.50.

Mancini @ Buffalo Bar 8pm. £4.

The Elgar Festival: Edwardian Elgar: BBC National Orchestra of Wales @ St David’s Hall It’s Elgar. It’s the BBC National Orchestra of Wales. It’s St David’s Hall. It’s a festival.

Combine all of these individually excellent things together and you have a volcano of classical music brilliance. Festival indeed.

2pm. For more information and prices contact the venue, or check out their website at: www.stdavidshallcardiff.ac.uk/English.

JimJam @ Clwb Tafod (NosDa) Live bands and acoustic open mic night.

Sounds good. 8.30pm- 1am. Free.

RSJ / Johnny Mental / Neckbrace @ Barfly RSJ produce the kind of HEAVY metal that merits an exclusive use of capital letters.

Formed in 2002, RSJ released their first E.P. The Day After, through their website www.rsj.info, and established a fanbase.

They have played with Raging Speedhorn and Funeral For A Friend. 730pm. £5.

Crowd Control: Audiocalm / Ninja Pigeon / Small Town Heroes @ Hard Rock Cafe Indie rock from Audiocalm. Contact venue for more information.

Pick Of The Day The Story So Far / My Favourite Pornstar / Kick Superb @ Barfly A young energetic five-piece from Cardiff, armed with cheeky grins and trendy haircuts. With a tendency to move around the stage as if it's the last show they’ll ever play, you’ll be exhausted just watching them. With songs as energetic and enjoyable as their stage act, these are definitely ones to watch. 7.30pm. £5.

Friday 11/05

Saturday 12/05

Sunday 13/05

Access all Areas @ Solus SU New Look Friday...Another Union event, another way to make people drunk. Promises the best alternative music and beats for you to boogie to. 10pm - 2am. £3.50 / £3 adv.

The Dudes Abide @ Clwb Ifor Bach Music for those who love music. An indie and retro night that takes in the heady landscape created by the likes of Hendrix, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin and Dusty Springfield.

10.pm – 2.30am. £3.50 / £4.

Mad4It! @ Barfly DJ Mike TV comperes an indietastic night of your favourite alternative music, ranging from the Strokes to the Smiths to absolutely everything in between. 10.30pm - 2am. £5.

Mick Ferry / Christian Reilly / George Egg / Guest Comedian @ The Glee Club Comedy night followed by late bar & disco.

Visit www.glee.co.uk for further information.

Reilly is also known as Orson Carson - a redneck guitarist from Listings favourite Rich Hall’s alter ego Otis Lee Crenshaw's backing band The Black Liars. Here he is in a straight comic role. Egg has been described by ents24.com as “An unusual and accomplished stand-up with surreal stories, hilarious observations and a massive array of visual delights. An off the wall and away with the fairies comedian”. Ferry, from that wonderful place Derker (where on earth is that? Listings isn’t quite moved enough to google and find out, but still, makes you wonder sometimes.)

He’s known for his Comedy Store work.

7.45pm. £6-£13.

Come Play @ Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room and Traffic DJing in the side room. 10pm. £3.50.

Fly Swatter @ Barfly Indie party fest that mixes up the best music with the even better. 10.30pm. £5 NUS. A Festival Of Classic Welsh Rock With Celtic Pride: Hookah / Sidewinder @ The Point Valleys band Sidewinder play a mix of original compositions and rock covers. 7.30pm. £10.

James Burton / Billy Swan @ Coal Exchange Guitarist responsible for the monster solo on Dale Hawkin's Suzie Q. His list of collaborators is a very long one that includes luminaries such as Gram Parsons, Emmylou Harris and Randy Newman.7.30pm. £20.

The Elgar Festival: BBC National Orchestra Of Wales @ St David’s Hall A performance of Elgar's The Dream of Gerontius. 7.30pm.

Ephel Duath / Negura Bunget / Bossk @ Clwb Ifor Bach Bossk play music with metal riffs and touches of epicness. 8pm. £7.

Danny Buckler / Dan Evans / Rhod Gilbert / Colin Cole @ Jongleurs Comedy fun. Fact: Colin Cole, an Aussie, is 6”7. £10. 8pm. £10 (also includes free entry to Club Risa.)

Open Mike (Upstairs) @ Buffalo Bar An intimate and relaxed atmosphere where you can experience live acoustic acts, songwriters and performers, as well as participating yourself. 8pm - 3am. £1.

The Hop @ Buffalo Bar The resident DJs present 50’s night: rock ‘n’ roll, jive, rockabilly and psychobilly. 8pm 3am. Free.

The Red October / The Unsung / My Life In The Knife Trade @ Barfly Club Headliners The Red October come from just down the road, Caerphilly to be exact. Fact: They share their the drummer with another local band, shape ofmy addiction. For information, visit www.wildplum.co.uk/music/theredoctober.

7.30pm. £4-£5.

Il Divo @ CIA The name is Italian for ‘male diva’, apparently. Simon Cowell’s protegees have garned a large following from their (probably housewives) female following. Your mum has a ticket. 7pm. Sold out.

Steve Howe @ The Glee Club Prog rock guitarist from Yes. T Steering 2 Music @ The End Music promoters present the latest sounds and artists. This week, The Outhouse, Tyler Rhys and Anthony Lee. For more information, visit www.myspace.com/steering2music.

8.30pm. Free.

The Australian Pink Floyd @ CIA

From Shine On You Crazy Diamond to The Wall, Pink Floyd have had a tremendous input into the musical world. While you can’t see the band themselves, there are plenty of tributes, like this band around, to give you some taste of what the band sounds like in concert. They are one of the recommended tribute bands- the fact that they are playing the CIA speaks volumes, so check them out. £24.50. 6.30pm.

Pick Of The Day Contender @ Sherman Theatre At Sherman Theatre A bit like the plot of the latest Rocky franchise, except musical, and about a Welsh boxer. This is directed by Michael Bogdanov and tells the story of 1930s man Tommy Farr, who experiences a rags to riches story, but it doesn’t end there, or does it....7.30pm. £8-£15.

Pick of the Day Horrible Histories: The Ruthless Romans @ New Theatre The Birmingham Stage Company presents a double performance of horribleness (see the next listing down). For this performance, find out about those naughty Romans and all their secret, gruesome habits. 10.30am. £16- £7.

Horrible Histories - The Awful Egyptians @ New Theatre Pharaoh fun. All the mummies, decay and pagan beliefs that you young children could ask for. 7pm. £16-£7.

Pick Of The Day The Lemonheads @ SU Three schoolfriends formed indie faves The Lemonheads back in the Eighties. Led by charismatic singer Evan Dando, they came close to touching success with It’s a Shame About Ray and Come On Feel The Lemonheads, released in 1992 and 1993 respectively. A little bit country, a little bit indie and a little bit random, they have remained beloved to their fan boys and fan girls, despite their faded presence on the British music scene. 7.30pm. £16.

Thursday 10/05

The Bait Shop @ Barfly For alternative music fans, the Barfly has handily provided this club night, named after the establishment frequented on The O.C., to minister to your musical needs.

10.30pm. £3/2 NUS. Laser Safari @ Buffalo Bar A night of live indie music and DJs. 8pm £4. iThe Unsigned Band Connection: My Void / The Original Millers @ Callaghan's 9pm - 2am. £1.

Groove Armada After Party: Cookie Puss DJs, Black Hand Laser Band / Cloud Atlas / Future Sounds DJs @ Buffalo Bar Post dance act DJ fun. 8.30pm-3am. £3.

SwitchedOn Sherman: Scriptslam @ Sherman Theatre Regular session devoted to developing new writing talents. There will be four 15 minute pieces written by four new writers and the audience votes for the piece they would most like to see developed. 8pm. £3.

A Hawk and a Hacksaw / Hun Hangar nsemble @ The Point A Hawk and a Hacksaw music with elements of modern composition and American and Eastern European folk. 7.30pm. £10.

Pick Of The Day Czech National Symphony Orchestra / Libor Pesek / Chloe Hanslip @ St David’s Hall A programme of works by Janacek (Taras Bulba), Bruch (Scottish Fantasy) and Dvorak (Symphony No 8). Child prodigy Hanslip has recorded two CDs with the London Symphony Orchestra and has won the ‘Young British Classical Performer’ award at the Classical Brit awards in 2003. She has performed with companies including the London Symphony, Royal Philharmonic, Royal Liverpool Philharmonic, Tokyo Symphony and Seattle Symphony orchestras. 7.30pm. £10-£30.

VENUES

Students’ Union, Park Place 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Moloko, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

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gairrhydd

35

SPORT

MAY.07.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Deloitte IMG Breakfast

Spirited Law B set new precedent

Law B secure unexpected draw against colleagues Law A to win Division One

IMG Football: Division One Law A 1 - 1 Law B UNBEATEN in IMG Phase Two, Law B came from a goal down against their Law A squad mates to secure a point, as well as the Division One championship.

After Law A went midway through the second half, Iwan Hughes scored a crucial header with 15 minutes left to hand Law B the title.

Naturally competitive and fiery from the outset, the teams engaged in a physical midfield battle in an effort to gain superiority. This was punctuated by a degree of caution though, as both sides lost composure in some advanced areas early on.

Law B, capitalising on their recent form, confidently asserted themselves against their A team counterparts, and twice saw clear chances go begging as the game flowed from end to end.

Mike Lloyd, having picked up the ball from Jim Hall, drilled a shot

towards goal. This fell into Hughes’ path, who saw his poked shot pushed onto the post by Law A’s outstanding goalkeeper, Dafydd Edwards.

The resulting corner quickly presented Law B with another scoring opportunity, but centre-back Joe Bennett could only see his bullet header cleared off the line by Mike Godwin.

It took Law A half an hour to carve open a meaningful chance, which was a testament to the way that the B team had pressed during this time. Godwin, tricky as ever down the left flank,

delivered a ball into the path of forward Mark Smith. However, his snap half-volley was sent flashing wide of Rhys Owen’s far post.

Law A began to grow in stature and this was transferred into a sustained attacking period in the second half.

They eventually broke the deadlock in the 65th minute. When Law B captain Andrew Probert blocked a Stephen Trythall effort, the ball fell kindly to Smith, who coolly slotted into the bottom corner.

Feeling their title chances slipping, a reinvigorated B team doubled their

work-rate and justly equalised late on.

Neatly flicking the ball up into the air, attacker Hughes nonchalantly nodded a slow-paced header from six yards into the corner of the net.

A tense final quarter ensued, with Law B taking every chance to find the wing and empty space. In contrast, Law A, who only needed a goal to clinch the title for themselves, were anxious to push bodies forward at every opportunity.

But the B team held on after surviving a spate of Law A corners to emerge as Divison One winners.

How Division One was won Law B 4 - 3 Chemsoc Law B 4 - 1 Boca Seniors Law B 3 - 0 Pharmacy PHOTO: ED SALTER

George Pawley Sports Editor

Law B 3 - 2 Arse’Alona Law B 3 - 1 H. Dragons Law B 1 - 0 Butthead FC Law B 1 - 1 Law A Law B: Won 6, Drew 1, Lost 0, Pts 19

KUNG FU: Fighting

Were Menon’s predictions right?

As IMG Football is now complete, Dave Menon finds out whether he got his latest mid-season predictions correct TEAM

PRE-SEASON ODDS

AFC Cathays AFC History Arse’Alona Boca Seniors Butthead FC CARBS Cardiff Crusaders Chem Soc Euros Economics Engin English Soc Esplanyol Gym Gym Havana Dragons Inter Me-Nan Japsoc JOMEC J-Unit Law A Law B MOMED Myg Myg Park Rangers Pharm AC Psycho Athletico Real Ale Madrid Socsi Thunderkatz TWNN Uni Hallstars Zoology

66-1 25-1 6-1 50-1 75-1 7-1 70-1 16-1 40-1 20-1 7-1 50-1 70-1 20-1 20-1 70-1 45-1 50-1 66-1 10-1 33-1 7-1 75-1 66-1 33-1 40-1 80-1 66-1 40-1 80-1 80-1 12-1

DIVISION

PREDICTION

OUTCOME

WAS MENON RIGHT?

Premiership Premiership Division One Division One Division One Premiership Division Two Division One Division Three Division Two Premiership Division Three Division Three Premiership Division One Division Two Division Three Division Two Division Two Division One Division One Premiership Division Three Division Three Division One Division Two Division Two Division Two Premiership Division Three Division Three Premiership

7th or 8th 3rd or 4th 1st or 2nd 7th or 8th 7th or 8th 5th or 6th 5th or 6th 3rd or 4th 1st or 2nd 1st or 2nd 1st or 2nd 3rd or 4th 3rd or 4th 3rd or 4th 5th or 6th 7th or 8th 1st or 2nd 1st or 2nd 5th or 6th 1st or 2nd 3rd or 4th 5th or 6th 5th or 6th 7th or 8th 7th or 8th 3rd or 4th 7th or 8th 3rd or 4th 7th or 8th 7th or 8th 5th or 6th 1st or 2nd

8th 2nd 3rd 6th 7th 3rd 3rd 5th 8th 1st 5th 3rd 4th 1st 8th 2nd 2nd 5th 4th 2nd 1st 7th 6th 7th 4th 6th 8th 7th 6th 1st 5th 4th

Yes No No No Yes No No No No Yes No Yes Yes No No No Yes No No Yes No No Yes Yes No No Yes No No No Yes No

Menon got 11 out of 32 predictions right, giving him a percentage score of 34.4%

tosh talk Alex McIntosh IMG Co-ordinator ALTHOUGH it may seem a distant memory to many of you, IMG Football and Netball competitions were all completed on schedule in the final week of the spring semester.

Many congratulations to Gym Gym, Law B, Economics and TWNN who were all champions of the respective football leagues.

Law A, Economic B and English A lifted league titles in netball and finally, well done to Economics A who were worthy winners of the IMG cup.

Also I’d like to thank and congratulate those referees that stuck it out this season. Hopefully this is something that can be taken forward and improved in years to come.

I would also like to thank everybody that has helped and supported me this year as IMG Co-ordinator, the AU team, Woody and all the captains. It has been a very challenging yet rewarding role and I have enjoyed every minute of it.

Finally I would like to thank Sports Editors, Dave Menon and George Pawley, for their contributions and support that has ensured extensive IMG coverage in gair rhydd., Although it’s controversial and misleading at times, ‘Menon on the Match’ has been an eagerly anticipated feature of the weekly IMG spread.

However, the less said about Menon’s predictions the better.

Good luck to everyone next season.

IMG Facts 322

The minimum number of players that play IMG Football every week

-156

The point difference of Planning, the IMG rugby club

18 Law A scored this number of goals against Uni Hallstars on the opening day of the IMG Football season

66

The number of teams that particpate in IMG sport every year

2

The number of defeats Law A netball have suffered this season

1

The number of games Premiership champions Gym Gym have lost this year

36 gairrhydd

SPORT

MAY.07.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Deloitte IMG Breakfast

Glorious Gym Gym clinch title in style

Thunderkatz 1 - 5 Gym Gym

GYM GYM secured the IMG Premiership title last month by producing a superlative performance to overcome Thunderkatz in the final match of the season.

The win capped a remarkable season for Gym Gym, who were underestimated by many observers at the start of the campaign. Their solid defence, attractive attacking style of play and effective teamwork has seen them become worthy winners in this year’s IMG football competition.

The final whistle prompted ecstatic celebrations from Gym Gym. Chants of “Championes” reverberated around Pontcanna and the champagne and beer was soon flowing.

Captain Eilian Hughes had only the highest praise for his squad. He said: “The boys have been brilliant from the start. We were quietly confident that we would be challenging for the title, and each player has contributed so much to enable us to achieve our goal.

“It’s certainly one of the highlights of my university life”.

Leading into the match, Gym Gym’s three-point advantage over rivals AFC History meant that the Welsh Society outfit only needed a draw to lift the Premiership title.

Although History ended their impressive season on a high with a crushing 8-0 win over strugglers AFC Cathays elsewhere, Gym Gym’s heroics against Thunderkatz settled the title race.

Gym Gym started brightly, and went ahead early on through top scorer Alun Williams. The pacy striker ran onto a pass and struck a

History grab second spot

IMG Football: Premiership

AFC Cathays 0 - 8 History

AFC HISTORY recorded an emphatic win over AFC Cathays, but narrowly missed out on winning the Premiership title.

Despite their victory, History finished the season as runners-up.

But although History failed to claim the title, the team has improved

massively this campaign. Last season, History finished fourth in Division One and below this year’s winners, Gym Gym, who emerged as champions of that league.

Commenting on his side’s secondplaced finish, History manager, John Dunster, said: “It’s been an incredible season for us, none of our players have ever played in the Premniership before. Everyone in the squad has been outstanding.”

Premiership P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Gym Gym

7

6

1

0

17

19

2

AFC History

7

5

1

1

17

16

3

CARBS

7

5

0

2

14

15

4

Zoology

7

2

3

2

1

9

5

Engin

7

2

3

2

1

9

6

Thunderkatz

7

1

3

3

-9

6

7

MOMED

7

1

1

5

-8

4

8

AFC Cathays

7

0

0

7

-33

0

P

W

Division One D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Law B

7

6

1

0

11

19

2

Law A

7

5

1

1

17

16

3

Arse’Alona

7

5

0

2

5

15

4

Pharm AC

7

5

0

2

2

15

5

Chemsoc

7

2

1

4

-4

7

6

Boca Seniors

7

1

2

4

-8

5

7

Butthead FC

7

1

0

6

-13

3

8

H. Dragons

7

0

1

6

-10

1

P

W

IMG Football

Division Two D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Economics

7

5

2

0

8

17

2

Inter Me-Nan

7

4

1

2

7

13

3

Crusaders

7

4

1

2

4

13

4

J-Unit

7

3

1

3

2

10

5

Jomec

7

2

4

1

0

10

6

Psycho Ath.

7

2

2

3

-5

8

7

Socsi

7

2

1

4

-5

7

8

Real Ale Madrid

7

0

0

7

-11

0

P

W

IMG Football TOAST: Gym Gym get the beers flowing

PHOTO: Ed Salter

IMG Football: Premiership

fearsome left foot shot into the far corner of the goal.

However, Gym Gym were given a stark warning shortly afterwards, as Thunderkatz showed signs that they would not be pushovers.

After failing to clear the ball on numerous occasions, Gym Gym paid the price as Thunderkatz’s Mike Delaney latched onto a ball threaded through from midfield and overcame the goalkeeper’s challenge to slot the ball home.

This equaliser sparked a positive reaction from Gym Gym though, as they regained their shape and began to pressurise the Thunderkatz defence incessantly.

They were rewarded for their endeavour when left winger Mathew Phillips chased a lost cause at the corner of the field and delivered a cross into the box which was flicked on by Eifion Roberts and bundled into the net by Alun Williams.

Striker Roberts then increased the lead to 3-1 when he span past his marker in the box and coolly finished past the Thunderkatz goalkeeper.

Gym Gym were rampant, and Phillips was unlucky when his rasping volley thundered against the crossbar.

Nevertheless, Alun Williams completed his much-deserved hat-trick when he ran through on goal and lofted the ball over the helpless Thunderkatz goalkeeper.

By the second half, Gym Gym were beginning to enjoy their football, realising that the title was won.

Combative midfielder Emyr Huws deservedly notched his second goal of the season when he arrowed a powerful shot from long range into the goal.

Despite countless other opportunities, Gym Gym thereafter failed to increase their goal tally. But it made little difference as Gym Gym had already sealed victory and the title.

IMG Football

IMG Football

Rampant Gym Gym thump Thunderkatz and storm to victory in the final chapter of their successful pursuit of the coveted IMG Premiership title Eilian Hughes IMG Reporter

Football Tables

CHALLENGE: Thunderkatz put up a fight

How Premiership was won Gym Gym 4 - 2 AFC History Gym Gym 4 - 1 Zoology Gym Gym 1 - 0 CARBS Gym Gym 6 - 1 AFC Cathays Gym Gym 2 - 0 MOMED Gym Gym 1 - 1 Engin Gym Gym 5 - 1 Thunderkatz Gym Gym: Won 6, Drew 1, Lost 0, Pts 19

IMG Football Results Wed 28 Mar

Division Three D

L

Diff

Pts

1

TWNN

7

6

0

1

10

18

2

Japsoc

7

4

2

1

14

14

3

English Soc

7

4

0

3

6

12

4

Esplanyol

7

2

4

1

2

10

5

Uni Hallstars

7

2

2

3

-1

8

6

Myg Myg

7

1

3

3

-3

6

7

Park Rangers

7

1

2

4

-8

5

8

Euros

7

1

1

5

-20

4

Netball Tables IMG Netball

Premiership P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Law A

7

6

1

0

55

19

2

Cardiff A

7

5

0

2

28

15

3

Economics A

7

5

0

2

7

15

4

CARBS A

7

3

2

2

3

11

Thunderkatz Engin AFC Cathays Zoology

1 1 0 4

-

5 2 8 3

Gym Gym CARBS AFC History MOMED

5

Cardiff B

7

3

0

4

-33

9

6

Socsi A

7

2

1

4

-13

7

7

Christian Union

7

1

0

6

-19

3

Butthead FC Chem Soc Pharm AC Law A

2 2 5 1

-

1 2 3 1

H. Dragons Boca Seniors Arse’Alona Law B

8

Pharmacy A

7

1

0

6

-28

3

P

W

J-Unit Crusaders Psycho Ath. Socsi Uni Hallstars Euros English Soc Japsoc

1 1 3 1 4 2 3 2

-

3 2 3 0 2 2 5 3

Inter Me-Nan Economics JOMEC Real Ale Park Rangers Myg Myg Esplanyol TWNN

menon on the season FOOTBALL

NETBALL

WHIPPING BOYS: Euros finished bottom of the pile this year, after conceding 33 goals in seven Division Three matches.

SURPRISE PACKAGE: Law B deserve this award for beating their Law A colleagues on their way to claiming the Division One title.

EPIC GAME: Gym Gym beat History 4-2. A gripping match that decided who won the title.

MOST IMPROVED TEAM: AFC Cathays have climbed from Division Three to the Premiership.

TEAM OF THE SEASON A tough one to call. But the winner must be Gym Gym. This year’s champions only lost one game in the entire season, and won 11 out of 14. Superb.

GOLDEN GIRLS: Champions Law scored a staggering 112 goals in seven Premiership matches. Great stuff girls.

SURPRISE PACKAGE: Economics B get this award for managing to win Division One, despite being in second for most of the campaign.

EPIC GAME: Locomotive v Cardiff A - a cup game that Cardiff won in extra time. Classic.

MOST IMPROVED TEAM: Economics A deserve this award for winning the Cup against the odds.

TEAM OF THE SEASON The winner is Law A. They have been very consistent all season in both the league and cup. And they came so close to winning the double. Brilliant.

IMG Netball

Division One D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Economics B

7

6

0

1

36

18

2

Dynamo Tigers

7

6

0

1

21

18

3

CARBS B

7

4

0

2

8

12

4

SAWSA

7

3

1

3

22

10

5

MEDICS

7

3

0

3

-3

9

6

Locomotive

7

2

2

3

3

8

7

Law B

7

1

0

6

-33

3

8

Socsi B

7

0

1

6

-54

1

IMG Netball

Division Two P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

English A

7

5

2

0

52

17

2

IWC A

7

5

0

2

34

15

3

Pharmacy B

7

4

1

2

36

13

4

IWC B

7

4

0

3

20

12

5

Gym Gym

7

2

1

4

1

7

6

English B

7

2

0

5

-10

6

7

Optometry

7

2

0

5

-32

6

8

Automotive

7

1

0

6

-101

3

log on to www.fixs.co.uk

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The Deloitte IMG Breakfast

Economics crusade ends in triumph

Economics defeat title-rivals Crusaders to emerge as Division Two champions

IMG Football: Division Two Economics 2 - 1 Crusaders IN A THRILLING finale to Division Two, Economics clinched the title after securing a narrow win against the high-flying Cardiff Crusaders.

Economics took the lead but Crusaders capitalised on their increasing pressure and equalised.

Nonetheless, Economics went ahead again with 15 minutes left and held on to claim all three points.

Afterwards, Economics captain Mark Legge, was delighted with the win and said: “We played some really good stuff in the final phase and thoroughly deserved our victory.”

“It was an exciting match with both teams attempting to attack. Our midSPACE: Limited in IMG

field proved too strong for them to break through in the second half.”

Reflecting on his team’s preparation for this much anticipated match, Legge revealed that a Tuesday night drinking session was the secret to his team’s performance. “We were more hungover than nervous. It was one of our player’s birthday the night before so we were all recovering!”

Meanwhile, Crusaders could have won the title with a victory in this game, but Legge was more impressed

How Division Two was won Economics 2 - 0 J-Unit Economics 1 - 0 Real Ale Madrid

PHOTO: Ed Salter

Economics 0 - 0 Inter Me-Nan

IMG Rugby Corner

Format has been altered THE FORMAT of this year’s IMG Rugby competition has been changed to bring proceedings to a swift close.

Although the IMG Rugby competition is traditionally completed in the form of a league, a cup competition among the teams involved will now take place instead.

This is because there is not enough time for all remaining league fixtures to go ahead. As a result of the changes, the bottom four teams in the table below have been drawn to play in a preliminary round.

The winners from this stage will reach the quarter finals, which will feature a total of eight sides, including the top six listed in the table below.

From then onwards, the competition will be played in a conventional knockout format, with semi-finals and a final to follow. This year’s champion will be the winner of the final.

League matches have not been com-

Economics 2 - 0 Socsi Economics 3 - 3 JOMEC Economics 2 - 0 Psycho Athletico Economics 2 - 1 Crusaders Economics: Won 5, Drew 2, Lost 1, Pts 17

Netball Cup glory for Economics

pleted on time, because severe weather conditions has caused the cancellation of several matches.

In addition, due to the physical nature of rugby, a fully qualified referee must take charge of every game.

Unfortunately, it has not always been possible to appoint full qualified officials, and this has led to further matches being called off.

The revised fixtures are printed in the box below. If you have any questions about the new structure of IMG Rugby, please see Martyn Fowler.

IMG Rugby Fixtures Preliminary Round: Sun 10 June MASTS v Planning CARBS B v Pharmacy

IMG Netball Cup: Final

Final: Thu 14 June

IMG Rugby

JOY: Economics A celebrate Steve Florey Sports Reporter

Quarter and Semi Finals: Tue 12 June

Law A 13 - 19 Econ A

3/5/07 P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

CARBS A

7

5

0

2

62

17

2

Law

3

3

0

0

11

15

3

Stoma

5

3

1

1

52

14

4

SAWSA

8

4

0

4

-32

13

5

Engin

4

4

0

0

112

12

6

Medics

6

3

0

3

-16

12

7

Pharmacy

5

2

0

3

-15

10

8

MASTS

5

2

0

3

--25

10

9

CARBS B

6

1

1

5

-18

7

10

Planning

5

0

0

5

-156

4

PLEASE NOTE: Teams are awarded one additional point for each game that was cancelled

with other Division Two sides.

He added: “Crusaders weren’t bad and the match was competitive but we found Inter-Me-Nan more difficult opponents. JOMEC were pretty good as well.”

Although Economics won Division Two this year, they actually finished in the Premiership last season. The reason for a disappointing performance in the first phase, Legge explained, was the changes to the squad.

“We had a massive influx of freshers this year. The team took a while to settle and we were in the group of death.

“We lost five in a row in Phase One but all were narrow defeats. ArseAlona, for example, beat us in the last minute.”

Economics will hope to build on their achievement next season, as they are set to retain the bulk of their squad.

Meanwhile, Inter Me-Nan notched second spot and rose above the Crusaders after recording a 3-1 victory over newcomers J-Unit.

Elsewhere, Socsi beat bottom-ofthe-table Real Ale 1-0, while Psycho Athletico and JOMEC drew 3-3.

ECONOMICS delivered a solid performance to overturn this year’s Premiership champions Law A in the Netball Cup Final.

Despite missing some key players, Economics battled to maintain a sufficient lead throughout the game The Premiership rivals had clashed earlier in the season, but it was Law A that had prevailed the first time around.

Economics captain Kate Darlow was understandably pleased by the

PHOTO: Adam Gasson

Pete Dean Sports Reporter

37

turnaround, and said: “We played much better than in the first game.

“Obviously we were quite disappointed with missing out on the league, so winning the cup made everyone a lot happier.”

Law A had been poised for an impressive double before the game, but Economics demonstrated their willingness to learn from their previous mistakes.

Having faced Christian Union, SAWSA and Cardiff A in the run-up to the final, Economics faced stern competition in order to ensure their cup win.

Clad in togas, the team celebrated by donning the stage of Rubber Duck.

With just a few players leaving this year, the bulk of the Economics squad will remain intact.

TWNN named as Division Three champions Jamie King IMG Reporter

IMG Football: Division Three Japsoc 2 - 3 TWNN TWNN clinched the Division Three title in what proved to be a nail-biting affair with Japsoc.

It was TWNN that came out of the blocks the fastest, applying sustained pressure from the outset.

In the early stages, TWNN captain John Cameron hit the crossbar with a powerful header from a corner. The resulting clearance fell to centre-back Rhys Bevan, who smashed an unstoppable half-volley past the stranded Japsoc goalkeeper.

But Japsoc responded well.

They began to build highly effective attacks from their goalkeeper’s huge clearances upfield. And they equalised within ten minutes, before proceeding to take the lead.

In response to falling a goal down, TWNN rallied together and demonstrated some neat passing.

And they were soon awarded with a penalty, when a Japsoc player was penalised for handball in the area. The pacey Tim Scale stepped up to clinically convert the spotkick and the half-time score stood at 2-2.

After the break, Japsoc started the second half as the better team.

Knowing that a draw would see TWNN made champions, their attacking play was relentless.

Coming close on several occasions, Japsoc’s pressure culminated when TWNN Captain Cameron was forced to make a goal-line clearance. However, TWNN defended resiliently and counter attacked with speed.

TWNN scored the winner with only ten minutes left. A neat through-ball found its way to top scorer, Huw Wilkins, who cleverly turned the Japsoc defence and slotted the ball home.

And TWNN should have made the score 4-2 in the closing stages when Cameron missed a penalty.

How Division Three was won TWNN 7 - 1 Euros TWNN 1 - 0 Myg Myg TWNN 1 - 6 English Soc TWNN 5 - 2 Esplanyol TWNN 3 - 1 Park Rangers TWNN 4 - 2 Uni Hallstars TWNN 3 - 2 Japsoc TWNN: Won 6, Drew 0, Lost 1, Pts 18

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Sport comment Sports Editor George Pawley watches the Brits sweep aside their opposition at the Millenium Stadium PHOTO: ADAM GASSON

WALKING OUT of the Millennium Stadium just 15 minutes after Joe Calzaghe entered the arena for his twentieth title defence against Peter Manfredo was an odd feeling.

After already seeing Enzo Maccarinelli and Amir Khan destroy their opposition in one and three rounds respectively, it was a bit disappointing to see the referee Terry O’Connor stop Calzaghe’s domination of Manfredo half way through the third, but then again, seeing professionals at the top of their game is what you pay money for in the first place.

Unfortunately, in the ‘showpiece’ fights there was only one pro at the top of their game, with the other vainly trying to not get knocked out.

Maccarinelli finished his days work in under three minutes. Khan, fighting Steffy Bull, who represented another ‘step’ in the Olympic silver medallist’s rise to the top, simply controlled proceedings from the bell. It was merely a training exercise. Watching from the stands it looked like Khan was the point of a compass with Bull the pencil, being chased in a circle around the ring while Amir attacked after every intake of breath.

Manfredo, in his third professional fight, was simply thrown in far too deep by the promoters. After round one it actually appeared that the 26-yearold American may hold his own against the vastly more experienced fighter, who also had 35,000 people on his side.

By the third, Manfredo was floundering, and after 90 seconds of it, it was all over; Calzaghe’s brutal combi-

MANFREDO: In too deep nation forced Manfredo onto the ropes and the quick pummelling he took, with jabs and hooks to every part of his torso saw the official call the fight off.

Manfredo maintained afterward that he could have continued but Calzaghe was right, it would have been over in the fourth.

So that was it. And even though not I’m wishing to patronise Manfredo, comparisons have to be drawn with

Gareth Gates and all the other reality TV show runners-up.

They both enjoyed a brief period of success, but then faded, or in Manfredo’s case, broke down soon after.

Who knows, he will probably be back, just as every housewife hopes Gates’ renewed efforts will see him justify his talent, but the American will never be in the league of Joe Calzaghe.

A lot was made by the Manfredo camp about age before the fighters matched-up in the ring, but it was proved that a talented, tried and tested 35-year-old can be and still is at the top of his physical and mental game after 20 defences of his title, and no-one will take it off him for a while to come.

The real shame was that the huge crowd didn’t see the boxing matches their passion deserved. I don’t want to

see Khan fight another guy from Doncaster, I want to see him thrown in at the deep end and forget about his untarnished record. As for Calzaghe, his promoter Frank Warren reckons a ‘super-fight’ will be up for the Welshman next, but whether fighters like Jermain Taylor or Mikkel Kessler can challenge Calzaghe remains to be seen.

Goodminton Amy Gorochowski Badminton Reporter CARDIFF DOMINATED the first ever Welsh Universities Cup held at Aberystwyth, taking 19 out of the possible 26 medals available.

The squad fought off all competition to sit at the top of the leader board and to secured a finals place with second placed university, and competitive rivals, UWIC. The mixed pairing of Rachel Nurse and Alex Ewins claimed the first game convincingly, with Charlie Austin narrowly missing out on a second win in the men’s singles. Nurse once again put up an outstanding singles performance beating UWIC’s Sarah Moore in a three set dual.

The men’s doubles partnership of Alex Ewins and Ryan Livingstone lost by a slim margain to leave the tie at a draw.

The freshly formed partnership of Tara Weir and Amy Gorochowski kept up their unbeaten record with a straightforward two set win to seal Cardiff’s victory, allowing them to raise the trophy as Wales’ top university badminton team.

The second day brought the individual events and again, great success for Cardiff. Mixed pairings of Charlie Austin and Sarah Lai, as well as Ash Roberts and Amy Gorochowski, narrowly missed out on places in the semi-finals. However, Nurse and Livingstone met Ewins and Weir went further to meet each other in an allCardiff final, with Ewins and Weir taking the gold.

Weir and Nurse claimed silver in the doubles, with the former also taking second place for the singles.

The men’s doubles were comfortable work for the Livingstone and Ewins team, who in their final competitive university game together, came away with gold.

Cardiff’s team captain Ryan Livingstone said: “I am so proud to be captain of now officially the best team in Wales. It was a perfect way to end an amazing three years playing for Cardiff.”

A mention should also be made to Kim Brewster who had to unfortunately pull out due to illness but whose commitment was greatly appreciated, and to Sarah Lai for standing in and putting out a great performance.

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What a difference two weeks makes James Ford Football Reporter CARDIFF MEN’S Football 1st XI came from a goal down against Newport to lift the Welsh Cup. After conceding direct from a free kick, Cardiff responded well in the second half with goals from the elusive Sean Hogan, and Eifion Roberts also added his name to the scoresheet in the victory.

The match was played in glorious sunshine and it was the opponents who started the brightest.

Newport applied pressure early on through their direct play and tough tackling, and though Cardiff attempted to counter, it was often broken down by resolute defending.

Indeed it was Newport who opened the scoring midway through the first half. An innocuous challenge outside the Cardiff area resulted in a free kick in Newport’s favour. The opportunity was not wasted as the ball was curled over the wall and into the top left hand corner, giving Cardiff ‘keeper Cole Stacey no chance.

Cardiff searched for an immediate equaliser and the best chance came with five minutes left of the half. Nick Beckley broke the Newport offside trap and was unlucky not to score. The angled shot from the experienced striker was saved well by the trailing leg of the goalkeeper and went wide.

Drama struck with only 30 seconds of the half remaining. Cardiff left back Jack Jones was galloping down the wing when a nasty foul from a Newport centre backs stopped Jones in his tracks. The game looked ready to boil over until it was clear that the Newport player had badly broken his leg in the challenge. The referee wisely blew for half time and a forty-five minute delay ensued as paramedics treated the player and took him to hospital.

When the second half eventually began, Cardiff surged forward, looking dangerous in every attack.

It was clear that Cardiff had raised their performance and the defence also appeared considerably more focused. Andy Wylde was as dominant aerially as Nick Bowker was

composed on the deck. However it was Hogan who made the biggest impact. Receiving the ball in the Newport area, he was blatantly tripped as he attempted to turn his marker. The referee had no choice but to award a penalty, which Hogan himself converted high to the ‘keeper’s left.

The winner came for Cardiff only a minute later as an instinctive pass on the spin from Hogan left Eifion Roberts one-on-one with the Newport goalkeeper. Roberts rounded him comfortably and slotted into the empty net to add to his Varsity heroics. Hogan completed his brace and wrapped up the game for Cardiff as good work from Chris Grove and Roberts allowed him to smash home from close range to make the score 3 - 1.

Captain Andy Wylde commented: “These last two weeks have turned our season around and I am very pleased with the attitude shown by my players. It is great to go out on a high with these memories.”

After a tough season, Men’s Football complete the double with Welsh Cup success

CARDIFF NEWPORT

FOOTBALL: All smiles

Becky Oatley Netball Reporter

CARDIFF 1sts . . . . . . . . . . . .53 NEWI 1sts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28

CANOE POLO: Golden Goal victims

UN-OUTSIDERS BEFORE the BUSA Championships, Cardiff’s three Canoe Polo squads surpassed expectations in toughly fought contests.

Cardiff A reached the quarter-finals of the A league comfortably, only conceding two goals and scoring a massive 19 of their own, but they had a tough draw and faced Nottingham A. The top seeds and the favourites for the title were taken to the wire by the As;

it was 3 – 3 after normal time. This took the match into golden goal extra period, up to a maximum of two minutes each way.

Unfortunately a controversial refereeing decision set Nottingham up and saw Cardiff concede a goal and consequently lose the match 4 - 3.

The team and the supporters were devastated; the match had all the characteristics of a final with neither team deserving to be knocked out at this early stage.

The play-off saw Cardiff A bring their goal tally up to an impressive 41 and finish fifth in the competition,

3 1

New success for Netballers

Canoe believe it

Rebecca Isles Canoe Polo Reporter

40

while Nottingham went on to win beating Newcastle in the final.

Cardiff Ladies progressed through their group matches losing only to Newcastle in the dying seconds of the match, and entered the super 16’s after coming second in their group.

However, they lost to Southampton so could not progress to the quarterfinals and entered the play-off stages.

After another few tough matches the un-seeded ladies team finished 13th out of 25.

Newcastle eventually beat ULU in golden goal extra time in the final to become Ladies BUSA champions.

CARDIFF FOLLOWED up last week’s Varsity triumph with a comprehensive victory over NEWI to take the Welsh Cup in style.

After previous round dominations over Swansea and Glamorgan, Cardiff took the trophy in an all-out show of command and authority.

Against an unknown quantity from North Wales, Cardiff began disappointingly, struggling to come to terms with the unorthodox play of their NEWI counterparts.

Impeccable shooting from the NEWI GA resulted in an early three goal lead. Despite best efforts to restrict goal-scoring opportunities, she successfully converted time and again from the very edge of the circle.

Nerves were evident within Cardiff’s team, but the maturity of defensive combination Clare Gilliland and Becky Oatley, playing their last game for the club, settled the side. The short, sharp first-time passing typical of Cardiff began to find its target and Cardiff gradually took control of the game.

A final flurry of Cardiff goals in the last minutes of the quarter demonstrated not only their superior fitness, but also their increasing authority over the game, finishing the 16 - 7 up.

Having won their BUSA league this

season and taken an early lead, NEWI must have thought victory could well be theirs. Therefore, it was not a surprise to see a deflated NEWI team return for the second quarter at the wrong end of such an unflattering score-line. Cardiff pounced on this frailty and turned the screw to increase their lead.

Countless defensive turnovers fed superb attacking play by Griffiths and Hoare, which was duly converted to points by Jess Zajac and Cat Wood. A feature of the Welsh Cup campaign has been the opposition’s underestimation of Zajac’s diminutive stature, but once again she dominated the circle, scoring with free-flowing ease.

The third quarter began with NEWI 33 - 14 down and the game was effectively over. The NEWI GA continued to sink shots, despite some overly physical Cardiff challenges, but the rest of her team struggled to get her the ball with Cardiff superior in all areas of the court.

In the final quarter Cardiff’s near complete domination of their defensive circle meant that even the GA lost her head and began to shoot wildly allowing Gilliland and Lucy Monk to pick up easy rebounds and set up another Cardiff attack.

NEWI must have been thankful for the final whistle as the game descended into a Cardiff demonstration in how to play netball, taking the title 53 - 28.

Final year student Gilliland commented: “It’s great to dominate in such style against such an unknown entity and I am thrilled to depart this team a national champion once again.”

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Can it get Bekker than this?

Continued from Back Page

The Scoreboard Reading won toss Reading Muirhead lbw b Williams . . . .34 Martin c Bekker b Orr . . . . . .44 Powell c Allen b Stewart . . . . .53 Beale b Williams . . . . . . . . . .64 Crawford st Fury b Bekker . . .12 Hardaker b Bekker . . . . . . . . .22 Yandel not out . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 Extras . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32 TOTAL (for 6, 50 overs) . . . .262 Bowling: Walker 10-0-40-0; Stewart 10-0-73-2; Williams 10-032-1; Bekker 10-0-62-2; Orr 10-046-1

Cardiff 1sts Cox c Martin b Burston . . . . . . .0 Hesketh c Beale b Burston . . . .0 Butterworth c Hardaker b Burston .24

Fury c Powell b Burston . . . . . .6 Allen b Burston . . . . . . . . . . . .0 Hartley lbw b Burston . . . . . . . .0 Bekker not out . . . . . . . . . . .157 Williams run out . . . . . . . . . . . .5 Stewart c Yandel b Martin . . .20 Walker run out . . . . . . . . . . . .12 Orr not out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 Extras . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .35 TOTAL (for 9, 50 overs) . . . .263

Bowling: Warminshaw 10-1-38-0; Burston 9-0-42-5; Elphinston 6-119-1; Amdrex 10-0-27-0; Patterson 3-0-30-0; Powell 6-0-50-0; Martin 60-51-1 Cardiff won by one wicket

PHOTO: ROB TAYLOR

Reading won the toss and decided to bat, which proved to be a good decision as Cardiff’s attack struggled to put the openers under consistent pressure.

The pair put on 93 for the first wicket, before the number two chipped the ball to mid-off trying to hit Ben Orr over the top.

The bowling of Orr and Nick Williams in tandem saw them take a wicket apiece to leave Reading on 95 2 and also kept the run rate down efficiently.

Cardiff’s next breakthrough did not come until the 43rd over, by which time Reading had racked up 215 with some nice stroke play. Despite late wickets, with Evert Bekker and Ollie Stewart taking two each, Reading posted a big score of 262 - 6.

In general, Cardiff’s bowling display wasn’t up to the high standards they have set themselves, with too many four balls and extras given away.

A few dropped chances were also disappointingly put down.

Cardiff’s reply did not go according to plan as a mixture of dodgy bounces, questionable shot selections and a few dubious umpiring decisions left Cardiff floundering on 27 - 5 off 12.

This brought number seven Bekker to the crease and together with Will Butterworth they looked to give the score some respectability. But when Butterworth went for 24 Cardiff were 46 – 6, still 217 runs short from their target. Williams managed to give Bekker some support before he was run out, leaving Cardiff 90 - 7.

The game still looked well beyond Cardiff but a determined 20 from Stewart in a stand of 74 with Bekker, helped raise the score to 162 with 10 overs left before he was caught.

Cardiff still needed over ten-an-over and only had two wickets left in hand.

Bekker and Ben Walker put on a brisk 30 before Walker was run out for 12 leaving Cardiff still 70 runs adrift and with only Orr left to come in.

However, Orr proved the importance of the tail, battling sturdily for the team. Some massive strikes by Bekker and some good running left Cardiff needing 15 off the final over.

After the first three balls went by without scoring, the game looked as good as over. Even a massive six by Bekker left Cardiff needing nine off the final ball, an impossible task.

Incredibly, the opening bowler who had destroyed the Cardiff top-order, choked as he bowled a no-ball at a crucial time, and a mistake by a Reading fielder, who didn’t hear the no-ball call, allowed the batsmen to run two.

This gave Bekker his 150 and meant that a six would win the game. His strike cleared the long-off fieldsman by inches as the Cardiff team erupted while Reading could only look on in disbelief.

Bekker’s amazing innings of 157* included nine 6’s and 13 4’s. It gave Cardiff a seemingly impossible win and along with the resistance of the tail proves that no game is completely lost.

Cardiff 1’s will be looking to build on this win against St Mary’s next time around, knowing a far better performance will be needed if they are to challenge for the title.

41

Plymouth won toss Cardiff 2nds Yae lbw b McQuinn . . . . . . . .37 Woodroof c b McQuinn . . . . . .32 Hartley c b McQuinn . . . . . . . .4 Stevens b Sholtz . . . . . . . . . .48 Symmonds-Baig c b Hill . . . . .54 Trevarthen b Hill . . . . . . . . . .22 Anderson not out . . . . . . . . . .21 Excell b McQuinn . . . . . . . . . . .7 Davis not out . . . . . . . . . . . .12 Extras . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .44 TOTAL (for 7, 50 overs) . . . .270 Bowling: Sholtz 10-2-51-1; Hill 10-1-52-2; McQuinn 10-3-28-4; Thurwell 7-2-53-0; Janjun 6-0-310; Davies 2-0-11-0; Day 5-0-33-0

Plymouth Davis c b Singh . . . . . . . . . . . . .3 Kevern c b Williams . . . . . . . . .1 McKweon b Woodroof . . . . . . .45 Day c b Williams . . . . . . . . . . .0 Hill c b Trevarthen . . . . . . . . .45 Morton c & b Excell . . . . . . . .10 Thurlow c b Davis . . . . . . . . . .33 Sholtz c & b Symmond-Baig . . .7 Hewitt c b Davis . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Foster b Singh . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 Janjun not out . . . . . . . . . . . . .0 Extras . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 TOTAL (41.1 overs) . . . . . . .171 Bowling: Williams 7-1-14-2; Singh 5.1-1-20-2; Woodroof 8-2-33-1; Excell 10-1-28-1; Trevarthen 4-038-0; Davis 4-0-16-2; SymmondsBaig 3-0-22-1 Cardiff won by 99 runs

CRICKET: Too close for comfort

Bikers at their peak Dave Jones Mountain Biking Reporter

BIKER: Boyz

AFTER DOMINATING the podium of last year’s student Mountain Biking Championships, Cardiff University’s best riders again brought home a collection of medals from Dunkeld in Scotland.

The eight-strong downhill team were spoilt with a course that descended 300 vertical metres from a local peak, initially through boulder infested chutes, before hitting roots in abundance at the bottom of the valley.

After the practice session was called short due to a visit from the paramedics, racing kicked off well on day one.

Cardiff's defending champion Phil Shucksmith stormed the course, only to have Bath's pro/elite rider Dan Stanbridge to beat him by 0.7 seconds on his final run, leaving Phil with a very respectable silver.

Shucksmith, Tudor Jones and

George May cumulatively recorded the fastest team time of the day and walked away with gold medals all round in the squad event, retaining last year’s title.

The second day saw the cross country events of the BUSA weekend. Good performances were put in by all that competed in the event, despite the mud and a selection of mechanical problems.

The XC championship comprised of four laps of a substandard course with a long boring climb before descending the rooty mess that was raced in the downhill event.

Months of hard training and plenty of aggression paid off as Peter MacSorley fought his way to the fifth spot in what was a very strong field.

Oli Carr and Dave Jones also had great races to gain Cardiff yet more BUSA points as Britain's fifth best uni cross country team. CUMT’s medals represented a great start to the season, which continues with the Dyfi Enduro, a 65km race in MidWales.

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MAY.07.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Premier University Clubs fulfil their

CARDIFF RUGBY Plate Finalists in Hong Kong Tens

James Woodroof AU President THIS WAS Cardiff’s fourth appearance at the HK10s.

Proving the quality of the opposition, Jonah Lomu played for the New Zealand Legends, marking the notoriety of the two-day event, which precedes the Sevens (won by Samoa).

After a convincing 60-point demolition of Japanese side Acorns, Cardiff faced stiffer opposition in their next group match with the second-seeded New Zealand Aliens, whose phenomenal strength and speed overwhelmed the students.

Cardiff were shell-shocked into submission, trailing 22 - 0 at half-time, but offered considerable resistance in the second half.

The Kiwis were noticeably rattled, as Jon Hill powerfully capitalised on a brilliantly worked move from the back-line. The Aliens set themselves up for a tense finale, as they tripped winger Jon Walder, conceding a penalty try.

Although Cardiff lost by ten points

to the giant New Zealanders, teams were taking note of the Welsh contingent.

By finishing second in Group H, Cardiff were drawn against Japanese side Sumitomo Tamariva in the Plate quarter-finals.

This wiry bunch proved a real handful in a tense first half, but Cardiff’s endurance told in the last ten minutes, winning by a convincing margin (33 5).

Into the semis, and last year’s plate winners. The International Panthers had an emphatic start, scoring in the first 30 seconds. Great link-up play between the agile scrum-half Tom Isaacs and winger Walder brought Cardiff back level. Winger Geoff Hobbs and captain Matt Hopper combined to take Cardiff into the break with a 14 -12 lead.

Isaacs was unstoppable after the inverval, scoring two tries and assisting in another. Alex Huntley twice added to the score-line, and with Hopper’s staggering accuracy from the conversions, Cardiff marched into the final with a convincing 49 - 12 win.

Captain Hopper was colossal in the

semi-final, leading from the front with some huge tackles and powerful runs.

Cardiff faced the Irish Vikings in the final, against the backdrop of the dazzling Hong Kong skyline. Over 1,000 spectators filled the elite Hong Kong Football Club in Happy Valley, watching two of the best sides in the tournament.

Cardiff’s chances were slightly depleted after losing two key players to injury and illness - Aaron Fowler damaged ankle ligaments in the semi-final and winger Hobbs succumbed to severe heat exhaustion.

The strength and size of the Vikings proved too great for the students, pummeled into a 17 - 0 deficit in the first eight minutes. But Isaacs gave Cardiff a glimmer of hope as his delicate kickand-run caught the Irish giants unawares, scoring his fifth try of the tournament.

After the break, the Vikings continued with their pressing lines of defence, playing a style more suited to 15 aside. They were more than happy to kick to touch, win the line-out, and drive with their forwards.

The Irish were 22 points ahead with

only five minutes remaining. Isaacs’ kicked almost the entire length of the field for Schropfer to pull a try back, before the Vikings came through deserving victors, 34 - 12.

The strength and size of the Vikings proved too great for the students Captain Hopper reflected on the experience: “There is no disgrace in losing to the Vikings, who were madeup of mainly ex-South African superstars.

“The tour was a great success and the players have learnt a lot. Thanks to our sponsors IBW, whose assistance was crucial to the tour.”

The experience was clearly beneficial to debutant tourists, most notably Matthew Strong and Michael Schropfer, who adapted extremely well under demanding conditions.

Tour veterans also capitalised on the experience, especially Huntley, who scored six tries during the tournament.

gairrhydd 43

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r potential on the international stage

CARDIFF HOCKEY European Cup Winners Challenge Cup Champions Jack Zorab chats to hockey hero Martyn White JZ: Martyn, you’re a European Cup Winner’s Cup winner. Was it a long journey to become one?

MW: Yeah; we won in the Welsh Cup which gave us the chance to represent Wales at the European Championships. We managed to raise the £10,000 needed to compete in the tournament through sponsorship and help from the Students’ Union. In Malta, the league we won to become champions allows the representative for Wales to play in the league above next year where a lot of England internationals compete.

JZ: Hat-trick in the final and top tournament goal scorer; you’re a superhero, right?

MW: No not at all! I play at the peak of a diamond formation in midfield so I’ve got pretty much a free role and I manage to get on the end of a few moves but without guys like Goughy [Nick Gough], Ian [Ferguson] and Paul Hayes I wouldn’t have had nearly as many chances. I suppose I do enjoy the big pressure games though.

JZ: What are your hopes for next season?

Paul Hayes Hockey Reporter CARDIFF C v C Rosco Budapest The tournament opened in controversial fashion. With disqualification of the Hungarian Cup Winners Rosco Budapest, Cardiff saw their first game in Europe cancelled and, despite the obligatory three points, thought that their ongoing progress was somewhat dented.

CARDIFF 3 v 1 RCOR Minsk But the team put their anger and frustration behind them and used the extra day to their advantage. RCOR Minsk, had cruised to a 5-0 victory in their first game and looked like an impressive outfit, especially in attack.

The Belarusian’s started where they left off the day before, winning a short corner in the very first minute of the encounter. Goalkeeper Ian Ferguson put in some remarkable saves from an onslaught of Minsk Penalty corners, though Cardiff’s defence finally succumbed to the pressure in the 14th minute, giving away a penalty flick.

But Cardiff struck back immediately by winning themselves a penalty stroke within the very same minute.

Duncan Courtney kept his head in what proved to be the pivotal moment in the match and slotted home Cardiff’s equaliser.

Philips joined Courtney in the middle of the park after a substitution, strengthening Cardiff’s backbone. His presence helped Martyn White push higher up the field to join the strike

pairing of Paul Hayes and Nick Gough. This tactic paid off as Cardiff took the lead with ten minutes remaining in the first half. White beat two men at the top of the D and thrashed the ball past the sprawling ‘keeper, giving the Welsh side a deserved 2-1 lead.

Fifteen minutes into the second half, Cardiff doubled their lead.

Gough’s shot from the short corner was saved by the goalkeeper but Hayes reacted first, crossing the ball to White who slotted the ball home for his second of the game. Despite being down to ten men on two occasions, Cardiff defended bravely, most notably central defender Dai McGahon, and held Minsk off for the win.

CARDIFF 4 v 1 HK Zelina The second group game saw Cardiff take on favourites HK Zelina from Croatia, who needed three points to stand a chance of winning promotion.

Despite early chances, the Croats never looked threatening. Nick Gough and Hale controlled the game from the back and fullbacks Ed DoyneDitmas and David Hughes gave the team valuable width.

Gough opened the scoring with a reverse stick shot from the top of the circle, which beat the Croat ‘keeper at his near post. Martyn White added a second minutes later with another reverse shot which once again left the keeper stranded.

At the stroke of half time, Paul Hayes scored Uni’s third, getting the slightest of touches, deflecting in a Henry Cole drive. A 3-0 half-time

lead meant that Cardiff were just 35 minutes away from their first European Final.

But there was an element of uncertainly in the second half, when HK Zelina were awarded a dubious penalty flick, which they scored, reducing the difference to just two goals.

However, it was Tom Nicholas, running tirelessly in midfield, who sealed the victory, grabbing his first European goal. The comprehensive 41 win took Cardiff University into the final to play against the Danish Cup Winners, Slagese, a team noted for their record in indoor hockey.

FINAL: CARDIFF 5 v 1 Slagese The European Cup Winners Challenge Cup final proved to be a thrilling encounter, with Cardiff racking up five goals.

Initially it looked as if the occasion had got to the players, as anxiety and nerves were apparent in the first ten minutes. Slagese had several attempts at goal, although Ian Ferguson was never really called upon. Some impressive hockey down the two flanks built Cardiff’s confidence.

A well worked set move saw David Hughes slap the ball into the path of deflector Martyn White, who gave Cardiff a well-deserved lead after a flurry of short-corners.

Slagese fought back but the defence of Dai McGahon, Hale, Anthony Gough and Tom Moore managed to contain the Danes and Ferguson wasn’t called for action too often.

On the wings, McGahon and Moore began to find more space to support the Cardiff attack and Chris

Rhodes gave the team added creativity in the frontline. Continuing to press forward, Cardiff doubled their lead just before half time with White grabbing his second of the game.

Concentration had to remain high to avoid a Slagese comeback, but a Cardiff victory never seemed in doubt, especially with centre midfielder Duncan Courtney on such fine form. Courtney dictated the match and limited possession to the Slagese playmakers.

In the 44th minute, Anthony Gough smashed in a set play which Gavin Vollmer pounced upon and deflected home, a goal which seemed to seal the Cardiff win. Attacking penalty corners put the Danes into further turmoil. Fresher Hughes scored his first goal of the tournament from a tight angle at a short corner.

With the victory in the bag and Wales’ promotion certain, it was White who stole all the plaudits.

Driving into the D, there was no doubt that White was going to go it alone and search for his hat-trick.

He shimmied past a tired Danish defender and eased the ball past the goalkeeper, claiming the top-goal scorer award and winning the trophy for Cardiff.

Team Manager, Alex Jones spoke to gair rhydd after the tournament, saluting the professionalism of the team: “The boys did the university proud. They set very high standards in their performances and their professionalism.

“There was a drinking ban and tight dietary commitments which every player kept to and it all paid off in the end; they came top of the group and played very well in the final.”

MW: I’ve got one more season as I’ve been on placement this year so hopefully I can be part of more success for Cardiff University Hockey. We’ve been promoted four years on the bounce so we’ve got a great squad.

Unfortunately we won’t be in Europe next year as we lost to a really good Whitchurch side in the qualifiers, but we won’t lose that many players this summer so next season could be special.

JZ: What stick do you use?

MW: Malik. It’s also a wooden one - I’ve gone back to the old school for this season and it seems to be working.

JZ: Finally you played against Belarusians, Danes and Croats.

Who’s the hairiest?

MW: It has got to be the Danes, they were big and bearded! But there was this Finnish goalie who we all had a good laugh at.

HOCKEY: Conquered Europe

Sport gairrhydd

PHOTOS: JAMES WOODROOF

Inside: IMG end-of-season review and Cardiff’s Welsh Cup exploits

HUNTING PACK: Men’s Rugby in Hong Kong

Can it get Bekker than this?

Ben Walker Cricket Reporter CARDIFF 1sts hit nine runs off the last ball to clinch a dramatic onewicket victory against Reading.

The Men’s Cricket team opened their BUSA campaign in a match that must go down as one of the most exciting games in the club’s history.

Needing nine from the final delivery, Cardiff completed two runs from a no-ball, which meant they required six off the resulting extra ball.

All-rounder Evert Bekker duly obliged by clearing the boundary rope which secured a remarkable turnaround for the side. Bekker’s innings of 157* saw Cardiff recover from 46 6 to reach their target of 263.

Spectator AU President James Woodroof said: “Evert’s innings was the finest individual performance of any Cardiff athlete I have seen in four years. It was colossal.”

Continued on page 41

BOUNTY HUNTERS Men’s Rugby and Hockey do Cardiff proud on their overseas adventures

George Pawley Sports Editor

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY is basking in its global sporting success after the Men’s Rugby and Hockey clubs enjoyed productive Easters in their respective international tournaments.

The Rugby team emulated their 2006 achievements in the GFI Hong Kong International Tens by reaching the Plate Final of this year’s competition.

Despite suffering crucial injuries

and falling behind early against the Irish Vikings, Cardiff’s 10’s side fought back valiantly as they claimed the runners-up spot in a 34 – 12 defeat.

Wins over Japanese sides Acorns and Sumitomo Tamariva had seen the Welsh representatives advance to the Plate semi, where they blistered past the International Panthers 49 -12 to reach the final for the second consecutive year.

Closer to home, the Men’s Hockey squad were crowned champions of Europe and secured promotion for Wales, as they won the European Cup Winners Challenge Cup tournament in

Malta.

After coming through in a tough group including the best teams from Hungary, Belarus and Croatia, Cardiff strolled to a 5 – 1 victory against Danish side Slagese in the final, with joint tournament top-goalscorer Martyn White grabbing a hat-trick in the process.

White remarked: “The guys were so excited to be playing in the tournament, confidence just spread throughout the team; we are built on such a strong foundation of senior players.”

Full coverage: pages 42 & 43

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