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Our Biggest Relationship Lessons words by: Kate Waldock Each failed relationship is a learning opportunity. Or at least, that’s what I get told from well-wishing friends and family, whilst I moan that I have just wasted months of my life to them. They aren’t wrong though; each relationship, no matter how miserable the breakup, has taught me a lot about myself and given me valuable experience for the future. My first girlfriend decided to dump me on Valentine’s Day of my first year at university. I left that relationship heart broken, because I naively believed that if a girl superficially fulfils my criteria for ‘ideal girlfriend’, we’d end up having a long and amazing relationship. I was wrong. Also, as it turns out, a lot of girls are blonde and have good music taste, which leads me onto the first lesson: get to know your partner before you get serious. I admit, this might seem obvious, but for me, where u-hauling (moving too fast) is the natural response to meeting a pretty girl who likes my tattoos, it’s an important lesson to learn. Someone may ostensibly seem perfect for you,
but don’t start planning your summer festivals with them one month in. The second lesson I took away from my previous relationships was a big one. It’s one of those things that seems really obvious, something that you always think you have no problem doing, but then that one special person comes along, and you forget all your morals and ideals. The lesson is to respect yourself. If I had respected myself in my past relationships, I might be free of scary looks from friends of my ex and online drama that takes up far too much time. If I had respected myself, I might have seen the red flags for what they were, rather
than changing my entire sleep schedule and cancelling plans last minute whenever she decided she wanted to see me.
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The third lesson I have learnt has had such significance in my entire life, not just my relationship. When I was younger, when friendships were far more tumultuous and girls could be cruel to each other, my mother always told me to rise above any arguments that may swing my way. It’s something that is so much easier to say than do, but in my relationships and more specifically, my breakups, I have learnt that rising above it is one of the best things I can do. The temptation, when someone breaks your heart, is to bite back and try and hurt them the way they’ve hurt you. I tried it briefly, slurring poorly executed insults at an ex, but now I look back and cringe. If you let the rumours and drama wash over you, keeping your
