Why Sexuality is Something To Be Celebrated

column Why Sexuality Is Something

To Be Celebrated

Sexuality is a much bigger part of our identity than we often recognise. The way we identify ourselves, the way we dress, the way we connect with those around us- sexuality goes much deeper than our sexual preferences in a partner. I wonder why, therefore, it is discussed so little or, if it is, behind closed doors and in hushed tones.

I never felt that there was a moment for me when I became aware of my sexuality. We were told when we were 6 or 7 that girls were different to boys, that our bodies would change soon, and I remember the panic I felt at the idea of growing hair on my legs just because it seemed so grown-up. Then there was the brief video when we were 9 or 10, which was supposed to teach us about sex but instead just made us all giggle. I remember when I started to grow breasts and my mum took me to the doctor because I was convinced that the little lumps on my chest were cancer (I was a hypochondriac even at 8 years old). I remember my mum’s friend asking her if I’d had any trouble from men yet and saying that it’ll probably start when I reached 13. Something to look forward to! I joke, but I think that it is a very difficult reality that young girls become aware of their sexuality through the eyes of others. When I’d go to the supermarket with my mum, older men would stare at my legs or my chest, and I would wish that my school skirt was longer. Then comes a time of reclamation, when I began to enjoy having a sexual identity and it felt so exciting to explore this part of who I was. My school skirt was shorter and I liked it that way. I had my first kiss and my first crush and my first love, and all of these experiences are so intricately linked to sexuality that our very existence, our memories and our feelings, all derive from our sexual identity. I’ve spoken to friends about this before, but if I ever have children, I want our home to be open and communicative about sexuality. I don’t want them to experience the same fear and confusion that I did. I want there to be conversations beyond the biological elements of puberty and the different labels you may or may not want to use for your sexual orientation. I wish I had felt comfortable enough to ask questions on my own accord, but I didn’t, and I think there are probably lots of people out there who also didn’t.

I also want there to be a wider discussion around birth control. Again, we were shown a quick PowerPoint slide with the options when we were perhaps 13 or 14, but our teachers weren’t equipped to offer us any real insight. It would be fair to say that this lack of information surrounding birth control had an enormous impact on me. If they don’t have one themselves, I think every girl above the age of 16 knows someone who has a horror story about birth control. Why isn’t there more information about it in schools? Why isn’t there easily accessible and reliable information for women to use? And while we’re here, why isn’t there just better birth control?

I think that when you are a teenager, you are so desperate to understand yourself and to fit in, that you can try to place yourself on the sexuality spectrum. You can think, well, I like boys and girls so that means I’m bisexual, or, I’m attracted to people of the same sex so I must be gay. It can often be a little more delicate than that. Sexuality is absolutely a spectrum and I don’t personally believe you stay in the same place on the spectrum your whole life. Our identities are fluid; we change as we grow up and we meet new people and we fall in love. I think that it can be helpful to consider not where you fit in on this spectrum, but how the spectrum creates a space for you. You are never obliged to define yourself if you don’t feel that it truly aligns with your identity. Equally, having these labels can be a wonderful way to express yourself and connect with others who have shared experiences with you. Both are absolutely fine.

Sexuality is not the crude, graphic, and ultimately damaging representation of sex that we see in pornography. It also isn’t the stale, clinical, biological explanation that we are taught in school. There is a canyon of interesting, thoughtful, fun and exciting approaches to sexuality that are often left untouched, or you are left to explore yourself, which is a little unhelpful when you have no idea where to start. Social media is a wonderful tool for exploring our identities. There are hundreds of sex-positive pages run by sex educators, if you are interested. There are pages to celebrate LGBTQ+ and all the people who make up this community. It is a way to connect with people, which I think is what it all boils down to. Our sexuality is a powerful thing because it is the part of us that feels attraction, empowerment, love, excitement and curiosity. It is who we are, and that should absolutely be celebrated.

words by: Isabel Brewster design by: Kacey Keane