Why Does No One Married? Want To Get

Words by Katie Brosnan Page Design by Isla McCormack

Ibelieve it was Candi Staton who once said, “What is the sense in sharing this one and only life?, ending up just another lost and lonely wife”. And indeed that seems to be the attitude of many young women today when it comes to marriage. The fairytale we were told as little girls of finding our one true love and living happily ever after turned out to be a lie. After all, marriage is not what it used to be when those fairy tales were written. If you wish, you’re allowed to marry as many times as you like (at least in the UK). So why do millennials and Gen Z reject the tradition of marriage so harshly? We live in a desecularized society in the UK, meaning religion is no longer a priority for most in everyday life. This relates directly to how dating and marriage is viewed by younger generations as we no longer have to “wait until marriage” to begin dating or have sex; marriage is simply not as special as it was 100 years ago.

Back to Candi Staton - the quote I selected is from her song “Young Hearts Run Free”, which is a song about finding yourself and ensuring you select the right partner before you tie the knot. This attitude is exactly what Gen Z is doing; we’re prioritising ourselves first and having fun. There’s nothing wrong with this approach to love or marriage especially when marriages tend not to last a lifetime anymore. As we’ve grown up, divorce rates have stayed high and many of us have seen our own parents or our friends’ parents get divorced which has contributed to our tendency to stay away from marriage. Another reason millennials and Gen Z are not taking marriage seriously is the state of the world right now. Getting onto the housing market and establishing a successful career are more of a priority for most young people these days and as a result, dating for marriage has largely been set aside. Furthermore, dating apps have made dating less serious - we no longer date to find a partner. We instead date to find whatever is available, whether it is a one-night stand, a uni fling or by chance the love of our lives. Dating apps have made the potential market for a relationship incredibly broad, unlike previous generations where our dating pool was friends of friends or people from work. We can date anyone - anywhere - by just swiping right.

In my experience, marriage is still an option for most people our age, except it just happens later in life compared to our grandparents’ generation. My own grandparents got married young and stayed together for their whole lives which is one of the fairy-tale love stories I have always looked up to. However, these days young people have other priorities. I know I want to travel more, establish a career, and just live a little before I find “The One”, so I’ll think about marriage when I hit my late twenties. This attitude seems to be similar for most of my friends. None of us are too bothered about finding a relationship in our early twenties and we just do not think about marriage happening in the near future. However, I will say that my brother used to have this mindset until he met his fiancée so maybe finding your future spouse is more of a right time, right place thing.

I do think marriage is making a comeback. Since the pandemic I have seen so many people I know from school or uni get married quite young. Over the past 3 years, 3 couples I know from university have become engaged, which terrifies me because we are still so young but they do all seem very much in love. Their experience is entirely different to mine but on a whole, I do believe that most of Gen Z do still have the aspiration of marriage as a once in a lifetime event.

Overall, traditional marriage at a young age is mostly being rejected by Gen Z and Millennials but not because we think it is pointless - it is because we no longer view it as a priority. Other life experiences are viewed as more important with marriage being seen as the cherry on top of living a great and fulfilled life, rather than the beginning of such.