Quench - Issue 17

Praise due...

Fatboy Slim N o rman Cook brings the Great Hall to life

HIM

“We believe in so few things...”

The Quench Inter view

Music: Get tuned in with the Rockafella Skank Mr Chuffy: Drugs are bad Arts: Shakespeare trilogy Food: Halloween food

Contents

grmagazine@cf.ac.uk

Quench

Lowlights...

4 6 7 9 10 12 14 16 21 23 25 26 31 33 37 39

O ne Trick Pony : In the kingdom of the blind...

Snogging in public: Debate tackle the issue

Mr Chuffy looks the evil twin of non-drugs

Features: Which is witchcraft?

HIM grant Intervie ws an audience

Travel come from Russia with love Fashion: celebrity brand bashing G ay are Welsh and proud of it Norman Cook rocks the socks off M usic

Digital get shopping on t‘Internet Cult Classics on three works of genius Film: Vengeance, served Korean-style

Arts go street with a few circus performers Books lay into Fight Club’s author Sport: It’s about more than winning Gates: a voice of lament in a Peel-less world

Executive editor Gary Andrews Quench editor James Anthony Assistant to the Editor Elaine Morgan

Arts Debbie Green, Laura Quinn, Natalie Slater Blind Date Lisa O’Brien Books KerryLynne Doyle Columnist DC Gates Cult Classics Catherine Gee Debate Jessica Webb Digital Simeon Rosser-Trokas Fashion Perri Lewis Music Jon Davies, Sam Coare Features Emma Langley, Hannah Perry Film Craig Driver, Alan Woolley Food Mari Ropstad Gay Ian Loynd Going Out Dave Adams Interviews Will Dean One Trick Pony Geordie Chris Photography Luke Pavey, AJ Silvers Sub Editor Ken Griffin Travel Sarah Cummins, Laura Tovey

Contributors Avantilla Mehta, Lucy Hutching, Lizzie Ingram, Charlotte Howells, Amy Hurst, Nick Thakkar, Dave Jennings, Gage Falsht, Jack Lantern, Peter Brown, David Ford, Reshma Patel, Dave Sutheran, Natalie Kekic, Fred Lee, Jules Thorpe-Smith, Jonathan Reese, Ricky Pearson, Gareth Paisey, Matthew Turtle, Ellen Waddle, Jon Standford, Sarah Dobbs, Andrew Mickel, Tom Seaman, Jimi Williams, Alexis Smith, Shell Plant, Laura Tumelty, Hanna Lewis, John Stanton, Rebecca Child, Claire Power, Rhiannon Dee, Tom Scott, Sarah Gregory, Ryan Owen, Finn Scott-Delany, Elgan Iorwerth Photographers and illustrators Adam Gasson Proof readers Thom Airs, Alys Southwood Cover design Will Dean

A

3

Peel.

s this magazine goes to print, the world is a sadder place.

John Peel had been a regular fixture in my life, and his Tuesday night show was de rigeur up at Quench towers, while we beavered away in the wee small hours.

Passing away at a mere 65, Peel has left a noticable hole in the music industry as, well, a whole.

Debating who will take his place is redundant, as there is literally noone worthy. Zane Lowe? Not on my watch. Not only that, but for Radio One to even try to replace him would be to do the man a disservice. His tribute show is on the radio as I type this and, whilst putting this magazine together, I’ve had to fight back the tears on more than one occasion.

Radio One now faces a potential dive in credibility as well as diversity, as Peel was the only real champion of tunes which seemed to come out of nowhere. Only on the John Peel show were you guaranteed to hear music which you’d never heard before. Often, you’d never hear them again, which was, by turns, either a blessing or a shame.

Either way, it’s one of the joys of music to hear songs for the first time, because it means a broadening of the horizons. Discovering new artists is, for me at least, akin to aquiring new knowledge of life, as music provides me with a rare source of genuine happiness.

I still remember the first time I heard the John Peel show. It was 1993 or thereabouts - I was a committed Nirvana fan, and Kurt was still alive (read: I was a sullen grunge kid). I didn’t like the show at first; my young mind didn’t know how to process the strange sounds that were the great man’s hallmark.

Later, through John Peel, I discovered drum n bass, punk and reggae.

He gave every genre equal attention, and never lost his interest in music.

He listened to every demo he received, a feat which cannot be attributed to many other people, let alone radio DJs. His legacy is that it’s never too late, always keep an open mind, and spend your life doing what you enjoy.

4 One Trick Pony

Quench 01 11 04

(Underrated)

I say 'eyesight', I may simply mean not being a complete moron. What it comes down to is being able to tell the difference between a kangaroo and a mangy fox with a gammy leg - the animal spotted roaming around the city last week. If the person that reported the sighting of the animal was an Aborigine from the tribe, in whose language 'kangaroo' actually means 'I don’t know', then they may be forgiven, but this seem unlikely to me.

"What's that Skip? You're being chased by a massive pack of hounds?" Kangaroo-hunting with dingoes: that would be a sport worth seeing.

Under new government proposals passed in England, and under consideration in Wales, universities will be able to charge larger tuition fees. It is claimed that this may discourage some people from continuing their education and going to university. Good. Anything that reduces graduate numbers and makes my qualification worth something again must be a good thing. There are far too many cretins that have no place in higher education - I'm talking seriously dim here - not only managing to walk out of universities with a degree, but really irritating me with their stupidity

(Overrated) I tried, didn't like it. I accept that not being completely twatted has its occasional advantages - like being able to get things done, not feeling like you've been battling large African mammals the entire following day, not behaving like a complete fuckwit etc - but equally, what's the best thing to insert into yourself (steady) after having had an Absolute Cunt of a Day? Lager. Aside from the fist-in-own-mouth embarrassing flahbacks inevitably brought by the morning after getting perlatick Geordie for paralytic, or just wankered if you like - it's a giggle.

Continuing my experimental theme this week, I've been 'testing' a putthe-bastard-thing-together-yourself bookshelf. What a completely shit purchase. It really is worth the extra ÂŁ50 to get a ready-assembled thing and do no more work than deciding where to stick it in an already compact room. This was supposed to take a mere hour to erect (steady), so I thought I'd have plenty of time for more important matters - doing some uni work, picking my nose - whatever. An hour my arse. The absence of a hammer may have been a factor in this.

Firstly, it dawned on me after over two years of living in the fucking shithole that is Cathays, why it's so horrible: students don't pay council tax, so the council don't spend any money there. Couple this with the fact that a large proportion of students are abject wankers that don't care how they live; bingo, you've got Cathays during term-time.

Secondly, in an attempt to cure a sore throat, I followed the decadeold advice of my mother and washed my mouth out. With soap. I discovered three things: It doesn't work, Soap tastes horrible, It hasn't made me swear any less, which frankly is a shame, so my mother lied to me. Again. Just like the time she said I was 'special'. I asked her if by 'special' she meant 'utterly retarded', she said no. Bullshit.

Anyway, I'm not managing my time any better since last issue, but somehow OTP is still maintaining some sort of standard - I haven't descended into abstract art yet; there are still words here. Not always in the right order, many of them very crude indeed, but words nevertheless.

Geordie Chris

e

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ot for his footballing talent rarely has such a gift been wasted to as great a degree or his teary-eyed display of patriotism in Italia '90, but rather for his uncanny knack of getting a laugh and creating a fuss long after anybody stopped giving a shit.

Gazza's legendary piss-ups and kebab-scoffing escapades are well in the past, but he's still capable of (probably unintentional) bouts of humour, and he clearly still believes his own publicity despite having just resigned as player-coach of Boston United? To paraphrase an old milk advert, "Boston United, who are they?". Exactly. Yet the news recently contained a story on a planned name change by the former England mid-

rick

5

fielder, since he believed the moniker Gazza was too big a reminder of his hell-raising, wife-twatting days, with possible new monikers including 'PG' and 'PJ', the footballer formerly known as Gazza settled on ‘G8’ - his last initial and old shirt number.

However, the player's old nickname was not known to all. In a much-publicised court case in his post-Italia '90 heyday the judge stopped proceedings to enquire “What exactly is a Gazza?” The response that he was quite a famous footballer only provoked the further question, “Rugby or Association,” and went on to ask whether the footballer was as famous then as the Duke of Wellington in 1815. Is he really a legend? In his own mind, certainly.

I promise I’ll never do it again, Sheryl

T

his week's Tosser is the Football Association in general and its Chief Executive, David Davies, in particular, for their attempts to allow a Chelsea player to avoid a ban.

Adrian Mutu tested positive for cocaine in a random piss test, and although he initially claimed to be 'shocked,' has since admitted using the ‘Sierra Nevada Snow’ for recreational purposes.

The laws of the game call for a minimum six-month ban plus a fine for a first doping offence. However, since the drug is not a performance-enhancing substance, the domestic governing body has attempted to allow the Chelsea striker to evade a ban by using a ruling designed to allow youth

team players that stray into drug use to get their careers back on track.

Mutu is far from being a youth team player: at 25 years of age he is a grown man and old enough to make his own decisions. He ought to face the consequences of his actions the same as any other adult and should not be protected by the FA - the same FA that was so quick to impose a lengthy ban on Manchester United defender Rio Ferdinand for failing to attend a drugs test.

FIFA, in a rare display of not being a set of pricks, have stepped in and threatened to take action if the matter is not sorted out properly, thus further embarrassing an already red-faced national association. The shame.

Yeah mate, up my nose!

I sometimes wake up in the morning, And try to get out of my bed, But it feels like my tongue Has been dipped in some dung, And a rhino’s charged into my head.

-- A Poem about a Hangover

by Purple Ronnie

Someone fucking a goat you can kind of understand, but who in their right mind would put their dick in a goat’s mouth?

-- My good self, on the filth that turns up on Google when searching for an image of a goat.

6 Debate

P e t t i n g

i n

p u b l i c Lisa O’Brien

Kerry-Lynne Doyle FOR

I

f you ask people what they value in a relationship, most would prioritise affection. It is an essential part of being together, whether its shown by holding hands, kissing, or a simple hug. Yet displaying affection in public can be very controversial. Some people disagree with it, while others do not see it as a concern. Personally, I don’t have a problem with public displays of affection. I see it as an essential and inevitable part of a relationship. It can’t be healthy to recoil from physical contact just to avoid offending any prudes out there.

I understand that everyone will have different levels of affection in their relationships; we are all different after all. Yet I really do not understand why some people object to PDA (Public Displays of Affection) with such ferocity. Anyone who has been in love will know that you want to tell the world about it. It’s cheesy, annoying for your friends, but it’s true. So, it follows for me, that in a happy relationship I want to show my partner how I feel. I’m not saying that you should indulge in crotch grabbing and head for third base in a public place (unless you want to, of course). However, I do think that being affectionate in public is a personal choice. If you and your partner want to get smoochy outside the bedroom, go for it. If you don’t, that’s your choice, but it shouldn’t be inflicted upon people who do PDA. Don’t get me wrong - I know we’ve all had bad experiences of PDA. When our love-lives aren’t rosy there always seems to be loved up couples everywhere, but unfortunately that is part of life. You can’t avoid places such as the cinema, park or pub just in case you bump into a couple blissfully in love and showing it. This may be annoying at the time, but as soon as the joy of coupledom envelops us, we all love to display our feelings; it makes us feel valued and loved. So, for anyone unsure about PDA-ing just go for it. So long as you don’t embark on a live porn show, it’s perfectly fine! You’ll show your loved one just how loved they are. And for any PDA cynics out there that’s your prerogative; but next time someone you care for gives you a hug, remember that feeling and you’ll understand why there are so many PDA addicts out there.

AGAINST

T

here is lot to be said for the old adage that there is a time and a place for everything. Imagine the scene; you have gone to the cinema to watch a good chick flick (stick with me lads) only to find that you have unwittingly stumbled upon an amateur soft sex film reconstruction occurring in the back row, as two spotty teenagers fumble with each other, awkwardly working out how to remove a bra with one hand without dropping the bag of skittles in the other. Just what you need to put you off your popcorn. Ok, so maybe it’s not all that bad, but still I don’t need to see it. Come on peolpe, have some dignity!

My main problem with the whole situation is what is everyone else supposed to do while you are passionately entwined? A friend once compared it to the feeling you get at Sunday lunch with your gran, when your dog decides it is the perfect time to attend to his personal intimate hygiene (i.e. licking his bits). Where are you supposed to look? It’s just embarrassing.

You probably think I’m just jealous because I have no one to canoodle with on a street corner. Well, yes, that might have something to do with it. But imagine the feeling; you are feeling sad and unloved and all you see are people showing just how wonderful coupledom is, kissing and cuddling every three steps they take; talk about rubbing it in. I’m glad people are having fun, but just imagine how much more you could be having with a bit of privacy. I know the thrill of getting caught could make it more exciting, but some people should at least try to be subtle.

Now I know what you are thinking: she’s just a prude who thinks all acts of intimacy should strictly be kept to the bedroom with the lights off and socks on. Not at all.

I, like most, enjoy a bit of excitement and variety, and I’m definitely not opposed to some outdoor adventures, but just don’t do it with an audience. And if you absolutely have to do it in public keep it to things you wouldn’t mind your mum seeing. Be young, exciting and loved-up, but just keep it all in moderation.

Mr Chuffy Investigates...

B

irds do it, bees do it, even educated Blue Peter presenters do it: Pot, Whizz, E, ’Shroomz, Smack, Charlie Dimmock (wasn’t she a big-breasted flower-planting wench? Is nothing sacred from the cancerous touch of drugs?). That’s right kids, the big bully at school who regularly exclaimed, "last one on drugs is a homo," now wallows in his own incontinence, giving head for brown. Drugs, unless consumed as part of a carefully monitored recreational habit, are BAD NEWS. Actually this statement will be received by many as somewhat less than a revelation. So what can be said that is yet to be voiced about the controversial old chestnut that is drugs? Well, firstly it is an anagram of both ‘gurds’ and ‘sgrud’. But with between none and all of the people in the world set to die from a drug-related incident in the next year, more incisive investigation than mere Countdownesque word-play is needed into the sordid world of illicit narcotics.

Drugs are spreading through society like a train through Africa, leaving a tear-sodden trail of tragedy in its wake. Having listened to one heavily spliffed-up reggae track, one unfortunate Swiss teenager now lives in a barn. Last month, twelve Venezuelan girls were trampled to death following a buffalo stampede.

During the preceding evening, two of the girls had

watched a short film in which an addict repeatedly injected heroin into his penis. However, victims of the evil twin of non-drugs are not only confined to animals that are not ginger dogs, but in fact include the aforementioned. With the pending prohibition of fox hunting, country gentry have taken to feeding the fox a shedload of hash cakes and watching in depraved glee as the poor blighter talks a load of shit and eats HobNobs. “It’s a form of vermin control,” explained former hunt organiser, and now self-styled fox cainer, Tarquin Merchant-White III. “When the fox is as stoned as a clown it can’t be arsed to kill chickens. It just sits around watching reruns of Steptoe and Son.” The law - so often a donkey - is at best ineffectual. Antiquated legislation dating back to the Crimean War allows drug-heads to escape conviction if, during the execution of the offence, a goat is defecating upon a Russian. Customs continue to fight a losing battle against narcotic importers, with smugglers evading seizure of their goods through marking drug-filled boxes "Private" and "Keep Out". A Customs insider explained, “It’s just an impossible situation. If it’s marked with private there’s no way we can open it; it’d just be bad manners.”

So, determined to unearth the truth surrounding the twelve drugrelated deaths every minute (unofficial rough estimate), I donned a dreadlocked wig, hemp leaf T-shirt and, ignoring my personal safety once more, journeyed undercover. Claiming to be a close confidante of the third in

line to the throne, I managed to infiltrate Cardiff’s sordid narcotic underbelly and arranged to meet Gerald, a local dealer, along the Taff Trail. I asked for ‘some blow’ and, after receiving extensive oral pleasure, requested a quantity of Cannabis. IT WAS THAT EASY! With the deal completed I quizzed Gerald upon the dangers of narcotics and the questionable ethics of supplying to young impressionable students. “Safe as houses”, he informed me. “It’s really good for you, like…and stuff…honest.” Not satisfied, I interrogated further, insisting that he ‘cross his heart and hope to die’. He complied, but may have had his fingers crossed.

Clear-cut? I remained unconvinced.

Having soiled the bed sheets of society, it appears the repentant Judas that is drugs now pursue a beneficial role within the community. In the Netherlands, clinical trials of the Dr Ebeneezer Goode diet, allowing foods only high in MDMA, are currently under review.

The British economy is also reaping the rewards of the black market drug industry, with the rise in graduates becoming drug dealers freeing up more jobs for the unemployed. A government white paper expected later this year is believed to propose the decriminalisation of drug supply on the proviso the dealer does not pick up his Giro.

So, what has my sojourn into Drugville taught us about this experience akin to a thousand orgasms?

Well, very little it would seem. The jury is still out. In fact the jury is smacked up to the eyeballs on a lorryload of charlie juice, so the verdict could be (to use legal rhetoric) ‘quite a while’.

But as Richard Ashcroft once sung: “The drugs don’t work, they just make you worse,” and he should know, ’cos he’s got a face like a smacked arse.

Goats: keeping drug-users out of prison since 1854

8

Features

grfeatures@cf.ac.uk

Jeff Buckley C ra i g D ri ve r l ove s h i m

I

n 1994 Jeff Buckley released his stunning debut album Grace. Three years later he drowned unexpectedly in Mississippi. He left behind a mercurial legacy that continues to inspire and mystify.

Here is a man who rose beyond his father’s (folk music icon Tim Buckley) ability and transcended mortality to become a musical messiah. An angelic saviour who reminded the showy and self-indulgent Indie reticence of Brit-pop that to be a true artist you have to have a soul as well as a swagger.

An entire generation of current musicians and songwriters owe their musical niche and subsequent creative freedom to the heavenly dexterity of the singer.

While Buckley’s legacy is somewhat marginalised by Grace, it is also

empowered by it. Grace is a work of complex and ecclesiastical force: an artistic statement of incredible emotion and soulful elegance. He signalled the dawn of the 90s re-articulation of personal liberty.

Jeff Buckley’s majesty lies in the continual tension between masculine restraint and urgent emotional release. His hypnotic fragility comes from his ability to personify the fallen angel. Like his grunge alter-ego, Kurt Cobain, Buckley knew what was expected of him and suffered far too greatly for his craft.

Immediately a songwriter of sublime finesse, he also became a performer of intense immediacy. Harmonic poetics meld with jack-knifing guitar licks, combine with gentle contemplation and a deeply felt sadness.

Quench 01 11 04

With Grace, the most beautiful man ever to make music created not only a thousand emotive whispers but also a lifetime of spiritual re-awakenings.

Grace, as the title insinuates, has become for many the closest we can ever come to spiritual comfort. As Buckley sweetly sings Corpus Christi Carol, his voice climbs with the kind of sanguine beauty often dreamt about but never actually realised.

Buckley is often remembered for his demise rather than his ascent.

Death and separation hovered over much of his life and are the key themes of Grace. A man of delicate proportions, Jeff Buckley encapsulated the naked spirit of creation combined with a deft ability to convey the burning of the midnight oil.

The music of Jeff Buckley enslaves the listener with an earnest candour and raw mystique. At its most obnoxious, Grace resembles Led Zeppelin and, in its most tender moments, the bruised determination and ethereal vocals of Nick Drake.

Like Nick Drake, Jeff Buckley was ultimately doomed to a fate undeserved of his talent. The mysticism of Buckley lies in that, unlike Cobain and Drake, his tragic death in 1997 was an accident rather than an intention.

He had just completed the preliminary recordings for his follow-up album My Sweetheart the Drunk (later released posthumously as Sketches for My Sweetheart the Drunk) and was relaxing with friends on the bank of a local Mississippi River.

Having decided to float out into the river, Buckley tragically became consumed by the current and drowned.

While it may be this ghoulish mysticism that ensnares continual cult status, the soaring elegance of Buckley’s musicianship and his unmatched vocal dexterity will ensure his status as an eternally beguiling prodigy.

9 It is hard to describe what a real witch is, since there are many different religions that come under the broad umbrella term of ‘Paganism.’

There are Wiccans, Druids, Heathens, and Shamans just to name a few.

General beliefs held by witches may be found by inspecting the principles of The Pagan Federation, an organisation for all pagans. They include “love nature” and to have “reverence for the life force and its ever-renewing cycles of life and death.” For the pagan, nature is holy and the forest is often their holy ground. Starhawk, a key pagan figure, states that ‘meditation on the balance of nature might be considered a spiritual act. But not as much as

Which witch is which? t is the night of the 31st October and I am just about to head out of the door for a wicked night out. I make two final touches: black lippy and a pointy black hat.

Unfortunately, we are all past the age of being able to get away with trick or treating. For many, Halloween has become a time to impress with fancy dress, the only plausible way to escape back to childhood.

Halloween is not like that for everyone. For the real witch, it is an important religious occasion, not a time for dressing in pointy hats and cast numerous evil spells. Halloween is a time when the veil between this world and the next becomes particularly flimsy. It is a spiritual time when the witch

I

can contact the decessed or the gods and godessess.

The stereotype of the evil witch stems from the era building up to The Great Witch Hunt of early modern Europe. As Christianity grew to become the dominant religion, the pagans became misunderstood.

Witches generally celebrate the fact that there is light and dark; life and death.

This, however, is where the belief that witches worshipped the devil ensued. Similarly, the fact that witches met in private covens, led people to believe that they had something to hide. Rumours spread that witches were cannibals and responsible for bad harvests, disease and death.

cleaning up garbage.’

The pagan love of nature has led to a modern image of the witch as an eco-warrior. Earlier this year Caerphilly council in South Wales started work on cutting down five acres of woodland in order to build a new bypass.

Among the subtantial number of protesters were many pagans. Witches take high moral stances.

Another principle is to “Do what you will, as long as it harms none.”

This law is reinforced by the general belief in the Three Fold Law. Whatever you do to someone, you will get back three times as strong.

Remember what happened to Nancy in The Craft? If you don’t, it wasn’t good.

One more thing. Witches do not believe in Satan, let alone worship him. Why would they? He belongs to a completely different religion. Some pagans do practise magic, but this is usually to heal or help themselves and others, the same reasons as to why a christian might pray.

So the only witches you need to be scared of this Halloween are the drunk pretenders in the union.

10 I n t e r v i e w

01 11 04

Please Finnish H I M , F i n l a n d ’s b i g ge s t e x p o rt s i n c e M i ka H a k k i n e n , t a l k to Ava n t i ka M e h t a

C

hain-smoking Finn love-metallers HIM recently brought their UK tour to Cardiff. met up with lead singer Villi Valo and guitarist Lilly Linde. Despite having his signature woolly hat (think Damon Gough, but a bit more shouty) stolen by a fan, Villi is in high-spirits.

Does Villi go through enough packets of Malboro to to negate the use of a a smoke machine? The answer? Villi shrugs and lights another Malboro.

The cigarettes he says, are the perfect answer for a case of nerves before any stage performance. And the three cans of beer before him won’t hurt either.

Q: Where does the name HIM come from?

Lilly: From my interest in reggae, they have His Imperial Majesty singers. We wanted a dark and a pseudo satanic name for it and His Infernal Majesty came up. it took us ages and ages to figure out the name. Some of the other options were Black Salem and Black Earth, which was Black Sabbath’s original name.

Q: Your songs are both savage and romantic, but do you ever see yourself making ‘hate music’?

Villi: I believe in so few things. I prefer songs that can have an alternative ending or a sequel. Songs that go beyond the linearity of time. It's a yin and yang thing. If you're in love, you can really hate a lot more than not being in love, in terms of fortifying emotions (Wanker – Ed.).

Q: Do you write poetry as well as lyrics?

Villi: What's the difference? Poetry tends to be a bit wanky-wank, while in lyricism you can always use a couple of babies I love to use without losing

your integrity.

Q: What are your thoughts on your new single "Bitter Sweet"?

Villi: It's the first single in years and years with two male leads. Loggers has got a really high voice and I've got a baritone. It was my idea - kinda like showing our middle fingers to everyone who is "truer" to their scenes. It's a ballad, about one person wanting to get rid of an emotion and the other trying to get into the very same emotion.

“Poetry tends to be a bit wankywank” Q: There are a lot of acoustic versions of your songs floating around.

Have you ever considered an acoustic album?

Villi: "No, no. It's stupid. It's too easy.

I’ve been thinking of doing a solo album one day. Like Johnny Cash or something. I’ve done a couple of exclusive parties.

It's really rewarding, the adrenaline level is much higher. At least for me personally, because I'm the only one on stage, taking all the responsibility.

It's a different thing."

HIM (Right): They don’t have a word for ugly in Finland. Good job really.

Q: Your current tour ends in London on halloween. Any big ideas?

Lilly: "My grandioso plan was to get some of the make-up artists to do classic Halloween horror make up.

The problem is, when you sweat for about an hour or so, it never works.

There'll be no pyrotechnics whatsoever. It's too dangerous. With rock bands, each and every tour you have to give more and more. The problem is trying to top yourselves. It costs a lot of money and it’s very very unsafe."

Q: Since your first album do you think your music has grown?

Villi: Yeah sure…but it’s all in details. we've been growing as musicians and I’ve been growing as a songwriter. So things tend to change. It’s really hard to say now what happens."

And thus ends the oddest interview in Quench’s short history.

H.I.M’s Greatest Hits ‘...And Love Said No’ is out now.

Jon Davies talks to Preston, lead singer of Worthing’s finest, The Ordinary Boys

O

n my way to speak to The Ordinary Boys I prepared for the worst. As usual I waited outside before being grunted at by some PR guy. Then made my way upstairs and round the corner only to find out I was actually going to speak to Preston, lead singer, and most importantly, the only member of the band I actually wanted to talk to.

Result.

Q: You say you try to avoid being ‘trendy’. Is (NME-led) hype something you try to shy away from?

Q: Lots of your lyrics reflect a dull 9-to-5 lifestyle, is that how life was before the band?

Q: So, how's the tour?

Pizza Hut favourite starter is at king clear what their Ma ys: Bo ry ina Ord e Th

Q: Ideally, where would you like to see the band in five years time?

“We've got a really loyal, hardcore fan base of little hooligans, so it’s brilliant”

Q: Do you make a lot of effort to connect with your fans?

12

T

he Trans-Siberian railway has to undoubtedly be one of the wonders of the world; its engineering feats alone are second to none, but its mystique and romance are what captured me to embark on the epic journey of almost six thousand miles.

Our trip started in Ulaan Baatar, capital city of Mongolia. The country appears divided between its nomadic background and a western style urbanisation. It is not unusual to see people in traditional dress or riding a horse bareback next to someone driving a Honda wearing a pair of Nike trainers. The city is dominated by Soviet-style high rise buildings punctuated by small communities of gers (the traditional large circular felt tent).

We spent our second day with a herder family. Our hostess made us a selection of traditional Mongolian food: herder families live predominantly, if not solely, on meat and dairy produce as the land is so infertile barely any vegetation will grow (only 0.7% of land is arable). Firstly we were given s端端tei tsai (salt tea), the classic drink which is often the basis of meals, as mutton or horse meat may be added, and a type of sticky porridge made from flour, oil, and sugar. We were then taken on a horse ride, an amazing way to see the breath-taking scenery and the awe-inspiring vastness. We spent that night in a ger before heading back to Ulaan Baatar to get on the train for Moscow.

Life on the train was simple: a day would consist of a lot of sleep, eating, playing cards, chatting with fellow pas-

grtravel@cf.ac.uk

sengers, drinking outrageously strong vodka, and awaiting the next stop. My time was spent watching the rapidly changing scenery from the arid planes of Mongolia to the luscious wilderness of southern Russia.

The trains were basic but practical.

Each wagon had ten compartments, two toilets and a hot water boiler.

Each compartment had two sets of bunk beds and enough room to swing a miniature hamster, if you were careful. Choice of food on the train was pretty restricted: breakfast, lunch and dinner consisted of a Chinese-style pot noodle which got rather

boring rather quickly.

Moscow was a stark contrast to the other parts of Russia we had seen from the train: a rich, vibrant city, with bustling nightlife and numerous palaces and cathedrals.

Quench 01.11. 04

We had a guided tour (highly recommended) around the armoury, a shockingly opulent collection of treasures accumulated over the centuries by the state and the church, and artefacts such as royal regalia from tsarist Russia.

Outside the Kremlin, in the Alexandrovsky Gardens, we lapped up the atmosphere as the city came alive after dusk. There was a relaxed carnival atmosphere due to a special holiday so orchestras began to play in the gardens and a group of teenagers began to break dance for an audience that had gathered - people were just out having fun. Moscow is saturated with culture and history, but I would recommend it for the atmosphere alone.

My one regret is that we did not continue our trip to St Petersburg, although it just means that there

Excess Baggage

Tr a v e l

13

Not the emotional problems your mother saddled you with, but Travel’s new regular page.

Battle Of The Home Towns: Bournemouth

Best Bar: Consortium - the art college students’ loc al haunt.

Club: Elements - con stantly changing, constantly gre at.

Shop: M2, Hooch, Bench and Criminal.

Worst Club: Berlins - un derage drinkers haven.

Shops: Pilot - see above .

Sarah Cummins 4th year Language Stu dies and Italian Bournemouth in three words Lively, young, summery (Just like me).

Things you never knew about Bournemouth Matthew Kelly is from Bournemouth.

Must do: Crazy golf in the garde ns followed by a crazy flavou red milkshake from Legen ds on the beach.

Posh or Pants?

It’s all about the posh.

wn can your to ter? do bet vel a r Email T f.ac,uk c l@ grtrave

Everything you ever wanted to know.

Q: Where can I go to party in Fiji?

A: Robinson Crusoe Island is awesome.

Jump on a bus outside Nadi Bay Hotel for snorkelling, diving, beach volleyball and banana boats. It’s also home to the only fire dancers on the island and a great ‘hut’ with live music and dancing.

Fab Product: Millets have one of the best travel towels around. It absorbs nine times its own weight in water and dries eight times faster than a regular towel. The best is it folds up really small for extra space for that all important extra pair of shoes or hairdryer. Prices from £9.99.

Tip: Under 26? Carry your passport/ID to get cheap entrance to historical sites in Italy like Pompeii.

Think

Directions: the way forward. people. In between Fun We students are busy we don’t have time to y Pla Factor y and Come t alone guide books, bu read our text books, let ugh Ro at le lovely peop this new series from the Guides has come to answer our prayers. nAimed at travellers pla or ak, bre rt ning a sho a weekenders who want ct pa com quick fix; its size and snapshots of whats on offer are pert fect if the larger forma t tex bit a m books see heavy. With a front sec sillu r ou col tion of full trated magazine-style pages on dozens of themes and interests, t and a guide section tha brings it all together, alongside clear maps,

this new series seems to have it all.

But there’s more. The guides come contains every page of with an e-book CD which mat allowing readers to for f pd the guide in Adobe een. Best of all are the view the pages on scr aight to every website str weblinks taking you afor making online reserv mentioned and perfect . me ho ve re before you lea tions or finding out mo off t pu be t no uld you sho Technophobes among neasy to use - even I ma as the e-book is really aged it. ment include obvious Destinations at the mo , New York and Paris, weekend break hotspots y resorts such as the lida ho alongside popular I’ve been in touch with Caribbean and Venice. r ugh Guides so keep you Ro at said lovely people eyes peeled for a competition.

14

F a s h i o n

grfashion@cf.ac.uk

Quench 01 11 04

How much is too much?

Despite Daniella Westbrook’s love of Burberry, Lucy Hutching believes head-to-toe labels is just too much this season

The Times

Labels don’t have to be expensive, you just need to know the best place to buy them

By Lizzie Ingram, Fashion reporter.

D Nike

espite their hefty price tag, there are still so many ways for students to stock up on designer clothes without taking a huge chunk out of their ever-diminishing bank balance. Remember, the sales racks at department stores and boutiques aren't the only way to scout out a designer bargain.

Most girls fake it

Y

ou want the labels, but can’t afford to shell out for British over-inflated price tags. Picking your holiday for its shopping potential could turn out to be a wise investment - dirt cheap prices abroad mean that the bargain brands could justify the cost of your trip. So rather than looking at beautiful beach pictures when saving your pennies, dream of the beautifully cheap clothes your suitcase will be bulging with, come home-time.

While pondering your new wardrobe, consider if you want the real thing or if convincing counterfeits are a better fit for your budget. For well-made garments that scream class, I suggest the genuine article. However, if it’s just a bit of shameless label flashing you’re after, carefully chosen copies will definitely suffice.

For replicas galore slap on the labels and go to...

Bodrum peninsula, Turkey. Visit the markets in Bodrum or Turgutries for Diesel, Miss Sixty, Von Dutch and Evisu ripoffs. For bling lovers, Tiffany & Co. replica rings sell for around £120 in Turkish Jewellers, a fraction of the UK price tag.

Thailand. As Thailand is home to many "real" designer label factories, it’s a great place to pick up near-genuine garments. Try Khao San Road or the MBK mall.

Bartering is essential in Turkey and Thailand, or even better, make friends with a local. Good Diesel t-shirt copies are eight pounds for "rich western tourists" in Turkey but a staggering 40p for the locals.

Internet Travel Maybe you just want this dodgy shit now, without moving.

There’s no travelling involved to get LA fakes from www.anyknockoff.com and their version of the Kelly bag comes in at $40. Closer to home www.fashionbags4u.co.uk sells some good suspect looking chav-style imitations.

Loving your not-so-authentic gear but wondering what effects you cause by choosing imitations? In Britain the Anti-Counterfeiting Group (ACG) is urging the public to splash out on genuine versions to curb the profits of groups of criminals and terrorists who they claim are responsible for poor quality knock-off goods: "The fake trainers you buy today could fund the supply of drugs to your children or guns to a terror group tomorrow". The alternative - buying over-priced and mass produced garments to become a walk advert for multinational companies who probably destroy the world much more than any counterfeit terrorist. This isn’t much better for your conscience. But label-flash we will continue to do, so reach for your flight ticket as fakes abroad are likely to be higher quality than those floating around in this country. The production of label rip-offs in developing countries has overtaken the legitimate manufacture of the same goods for corporations such as Nike and Levi's, so ease your conscience a little at the thought that your pennies may reach the pocket of a local as opposed to greedy fat cats sweaty pockets.

If labels aren’t really your thing and you favour a more individual approach to fashion, don’t despair because help is at hand. Bowho will be outside the Great Hall in the Union on November 9 and 23 selling handmade garments that link the best of vintage with this seasons key looks. Tweed, tuxedo glam and green all appear in mini skirts, silk scarf, skirts, bags and evening tops.

Fashion 15 The fashion misadventures of Episode four. Lily gets wet.

I used to look forward to November.

It’s the time of year when the weather gets cold enough to for me to splash out on a wardrobe full of the autumn/ winter collections. Unfortunately, since living in Cardiff, my favourable attitude towards the month has declined somewhat. November in South Wales brings nothing but rain and rain means ruined hair.

I swore that this year would be different. I tried buying an umbrella, but I simply don’t have enough hands to carry that and all my make-up. And I refuse to wear a hood; they are strictly reserved for the more lesbiannatured. So I decided to buy a hat.

As I already own a Von Dutch t-shirt, a Von Dutch keyring and a Von Dutch bag, I figured it was time I splashed out on a Von Dutch cap. Sticking to my student budget I decided to buy one on the Internet. I did the whole google thing; typed in ‘Von Dutch’ and waited a couple of seconds for my screen to be bombarded with discounted headwear. Strangely, all that came up was links to some American trucker film. Suddenly the penny dropped: this company were ripping off the really cool new label Von Dutch and trying to cash in on their recent success.

A couple of days later, I mentioned this travesty to a rather attractive fellow train passenger. There was dead silence. Then he replied: “Von Dutch the trucker company you saw on the internet. It’s not a really cool new label, just a trucker company. Why do you think they make trucker caps duh?” To say I felt stupid was an understatement. I was so embarrassed that I did something that I would never, ever usually do - I got off at Newport. Von Dutch not a really cool new label? Who would have thought? I bet most people wouldn’t be shelling out a small fortune for their caps if they knew the truth.

16

Gay

01 11 04

Cymraeg, hoyw ac yn falch

By Perri Lewis

W

hen the government decriminalised homosexuality in the 1960s, it seemed that they were taking society by the hand and leading them into a new and accepting world.

Unfortunately, things seem to be taking a backward turn. As the power of Europe grows, this major institution is doing very little in the fight for equality. Whilst it should be hailed as a forward-thinking government for the twenty-first century, the European parliament is already showing signs of prejudice.

Jose Manuel Barroso, the new European Commissioner, is favouring a known opponent to gay rights as Justice and Home Affairs Commissioner. Despite being quoted as saying that homosexuality is a sin, Rocco Buttiglione has been described as a ‘very able’ candidate for the position.

Barroso’s recommendation has expectedly prompted a great deal of controversy and many MEPs have asked that he be stripped of his

grgay@cf.ac.uk

By Ian Loynd Gay Editor

P

olitical reform of gay rights is a painfully slow and emotive subject. With the threat of a second Bush term, reform in western society is perilously close to extinction.

Perri summarises the impactive nature of personal values on the lives of gay people as she tracks its transition from Europe, to Britain to Cardiff.

Your contributions are, as always, welcome.

duties. A fellow member of the commission, whose recent comments also reek of homophobia, believes Buttiglione will never be accepted in Europe because “the queers are in the majority”’ In spite of Buttiglione’s apparent homophobia, the European Commission President has insisted that they will have no effect on the policies he makes. Is this a realistic claim? The state of current British politics demonstrates the effect that such prejudices can have.

It is a sad fact the House of Lords is flawed by its antiquated system of values and, unfortunately, we saw their effect quite clearly last week when they ultimately ‘wrecked’ the proposed civil partnership bill. It was unsurprisingly refused unless considerable amendments were made. The changes they proposed were completely unworkable and, according to the equality minister Jacqui Smith, would create ‘a myriad of legal absurdities’. These included giving long-term carers, family members and elderly spinsters living together, similar rights.

Whilst many denied that the amendments would ultimately negate the purpose of the bill, it was clear that prejudice had played an active role in the Lords’ reaction to it. It was also made quite apparent that some in the Commons harboured similar negative views; despite the fact that a majority voted to give the bill a second reading, more traditionalist Conservative members had to be reassured that the bill would not amount to ‘gay marriage’ before they showed their support.

Despite plans for a second reading, there is still speculation that the bill will not be passed. writer Sandi Toksvig refuses to get excited just yet. After speaking to members of the Labour NEC about why the government had still not removed section 28 despite fierce support, he replied: “Because we’re all middle-class,

white, middle-aged men and actually we don’t give a damn about gay rights.”

However, as dismal as this view of current politics is, if the government do not find a way to pass this bill, it maybe an accurate observation.

With prejudice and homophobia at the highest level, it is unlikely that gay people will ever really achieve equal rights in the eyes of the law. However, although European and British parliaments appear to be doing very little to a combat this, there is a ray of light here in Cardiff. American preacher Luis Palau has been ostracised by the

We’re all middle-class, white, middle-aged men and actually we don’t give a damn about gay rights council and told that he is not welcome in our city because of his antigay views. Lord Mayor, Jacqui Gasson, obviously saw sense when she said that she “was not prepared to host an event for this man”. Gasson was meant to be hosting a dinner celebrating the centenary of the Welsh religious revival.

It is good to know that at a time when national and international politics seem to be turning their backs on the gay community, our own city is doing what it can to show their support. Now you can not only be proud to be gay, but proud to be gay and Welsh.

01 11 04

17

A roaring rampage of reckless revenge...

For every Ring there has been A Tale of Two Sisters; for every Lady Snowblood there has been a Versus; for every sharp witted über-octane taut thriller there has been a bloated and muddled bric-a-brac of a mess.

Even the cultural pimp daddy of cinema himself, Quentin “ooh aren’t i postmodern” Tarantino, swiped one too many Asian liberties with his kung-fu ramshackle epic Kill Bill 2.

Finally, with Chan-Wook Park’s brutal new masterpiece, Oldboy, satisfaction it would seem at last supersedes trepidation. In a cinematic landscape littered with the still-warm remnants of recently pilfered Asian invention Park (director of the fantastically acerbic Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance) stands alone as the Lone Ranger of Asian cinema; the Han Solo of all things wicked and wistful.

Oldboy begins with a drunk, Oh DaeSu (Choi Min-Sik) being arrested and then let go only to awaken in a dark cell where he will spend the next 15 years incarcerated. Suddenly released, he searches for his tormentor. From this point on events become terribly taut. Where the majority of Asian film-makers repeatedly stumble as much as they succeed, Park’s strength lies in his ability to revitalise rather than regurgitate. Park infuses the staid old clichés of the revenge flick with a razor’s edge of intrigue and suspense.

Oldboy’s chainsaw charm lies in its ability to saturate the most murderous intent into a brutally nihilistic kaleidoscope of Kafka-esque proportions. Restraint and vicious brutality abound in equal measure.

The concisely cut fight scenes and metaphysical antagonism at the heart of Oldboy are deftly handled. However, the existentialist resolution that Oldboy alludes to ultimately becomes

an arbitrary maelstrom of ultra-violent chic and decadent indulgence.

Oldboy’s problem lies not in the visual spectrum but the emotional one. We are asked to care for our anti-hero, only to be personally brutalised by his continual lack of an emotional crux. Even Yoo Ji-tae's overthe-top performance as the bad guy might have made sense in a different context, but OldBoy is intended as a bleak drama. The love story, by which we are asked to contextualise Dae-Su, makes for uncomfortable viewing even before the devilish secret at its core is revealed.

Despite the emotional hollow at Oldboy’s centre, Park remains a consummate enough director to invigorate his narrative with enough forceful gestures to consume our curiosity.

Thanks to Jeong-hun Jeong’s perpetually roving camera and Yeong-wook Jo’s inventive score no corner or crevice of the film is left unravelled.

The framework of the film is skinned and shook until sore with exposure.

Thankfully Min-Sik is eccentric enough in the lead role to firmly tie us to the spinal column of Oldboy’s twisted and undead corpse. Despite enduring scenes of immensely graphic exhibitionism (namely a scene involving an octopus that brings sushi etiquette to a whole new level of excess) MinSik stutters and screams with the audacity of a convulsive hyena.

In Oldboy Park has orchestrated a revenge film of the purest order: a myriad piece brimming with acidic humour and bullish bursts of physicality. It would seem that the ferociously beating heart of Asian cinema is not entirely bulimic yet.

Craig Driver

M u s i c FUMEZOMBIE

Amongst Unequals Machine Records

KINGS OF LEON

Everyone’s favourite redneck rockers return. As ever the lyrics are concerned with booze, fags and girls young girls. Lines such as "she‘s 17 but I done went and plum forgot it" do nothing to help the "squeal piggy squeal" stereotype of Southern Americans. But hey, each to their own. kicks things

off, displaying the familiar King’s sound of pounding drums and rockabilly guitars. Although lacking the edge of their previous work, songs such as comeback single prove that they’re still worthy of our attention for now. However the Kings of Leon now find themselves in the same position as the Strokes. If they want to keep they’re fans after the next album they are going to have to try harder than this. 7/10

ROBBIE WILLIAMS

NICK DRAKE

EMI

Universal Island Records

Aha Shake Heartbreak Hand Me Down

Greatest Hits

The cynical among us will no doubt view this album as a blatant attempt

by Robbie’s label to dominate the Christmas market. This is obviously true, but don’t let it distract from what is actually a brilliant pop album. What Robbie does best is to be aware of pop culture - the camp masterpiece that is his duet with Kylie on , the lyric pinching (Manics, Primals etc.) of and the 80s mimicking of all show that he is totally aware of what his audience want at any given time. Being in chronological order, the songs do get a bit ropey toward the middle (goodbye Guy Chambers), but what this album really shows us, is that Robbie is the greatest pop star we’ve got and that we should cherish him. 8/10

A Treasury

Some of Nick Drake’s best material from the three albums and five songs that he recorded before his death.

The collection spans his full repertoire, from the upbeat joy of to the lush strings of to the stark desolation of Each song resonates with delicacy, beauty and his haunting vocals. But while it is a good introduction to Nick Drake’s work, it offers nothing new: all his extant recordings have been released. A previous Best of Album, , offers more songs in an arrangement I prefer. The music is beautiful but it is hard not to feel the album is just an attempt to cash in on Nick Drake’s ever-increasing popularity.7/10

The words ‘underground’ and ‘electronica’ are usually far more indicative of white boys with laptops glitching Robbie so he's dancing on the R-R Radio. Here though, Stephen Banbury constructs ridiculously awesome tunes that are as much influenced by, oh, I don't know, every piece of music ever, as they are fantastically in tune with the now. That's not to say it's cluttered; frequently it's a sparse affair which indicates only what might have been before without ever becoming committed. Akufen's is in the same field as is Aphex Twin, but if you don't know who they are, no matter, as this is quite unlike any record you'd have heard before. 9/10

SUM 41 Chuck

Island/Mercury

The Sums have totally outdone themselves with the poignantly titled release of . Completely expecting Deryck and Avril driven angsty slobber, I was pleasantly surprised.

The album is named after the UN volunteer who rescued the band when they came under gunfire whilst filming a documentary in the Democratic Republic of Congo earlier this year.

Sum 41 have progressively matured with each release, and this record is full of sobering pop-punk with the usual blend of Blink hooks and feisty metal riffs. The Canadian foursome have definitely grown up and will come off better for it. 8/10

FREEFORM FIVE Strangest Things Ultimate Dilemma

London's Freeform Five may be better known for remixing the likes of N.E.R.D. and Xpress 2, though now they are set to release their own album. With a sound that's not too far off Har Mar, Scissor Sisters and even Erasure, Freeform Five's mix of electro funk and oddball pop makes up a fairly average album. (featuring BountyKiller) is easily the best track, but there's not a lot more to sustain any further interest. 6/10 Dave Jennings

Robbie Williams: What a load of arse

THE EIGHTIES MATCHBOX B-LINE DISASTER The Royal Society MCA

AFI

Albums

Eponymous Nitro

19

Sing the Sorrow

Heavy Gator

Pulling Out Now Be an Angle

The Art of Drowning

Mister Mental, I Could Rise of the Eagles

7/10 Nick Thakkar

4/10

Puppy Dog Snails

CAKE

Pressure Chief

Sam Coare

Columbia Records

NICK CAVE &THE BAD SEEDS

Abattoir Blues / The Lyre Of Orpheus

Pressure Chief

Mute 10/10

Jack Lantern

TRAVIS Singles

Independiente

5/10

Reshma Patel

THE VERVE

This Is Music: The Singles 9298 EMI

All I Want To Do Is

Rock

7/10 David Ford

RTX

Transmaniacon

Sonnet Drugs Don’t Work Bitter Sweet Symphony

Drag City

This is Music Sing

6/10

Turn

Peter Brown

9/10

Jon Davies

The

Australians are actually proud of this man.

20

The thing that infuriates about the frock-rock-lip-gloss-now-married Manics is that we all know they can do better than this. It seems they are following New Order in terms of commercial and artistic decline but with a reflective sense of joy and relaxation.

After the phenomenal success of her last three singles Jamelia had to come undone somewhere. The Sam Brown cover is the kind of sloppy ballad you’d expect to be the lead track from the new film. is better, but still not a patch on or .

A sleazy shitful of pompous lazy wasted American retro metal bollocks.

Covering Cameo's is the musical equivalent of being buggered by a brick: painful, pointless, and yet endlessly hilarious.

A change from the 'eski-beats' and furious emceeing sound of East London's finest, the second single to be taken from is a laid back tune sampling Captain Sensible's 1982 hit . Life story lyrics with a catchy as hell chorus.

Eagerly awaited return from our favourite princesses of R'n'B. Original military-like drumbeat opens the guaranteed floor filler, however, it is followed by disappointing and repetitive vocals. 'Can you keep up?' they ask I'm afraid they can't. Despite its catchiness it fails to compare to past collective and solo work.

The premise of Culprit One is simple: Hip-Hop samples sped up and turned into beautifully orchestrated electro masterpieces. The progressive-repetitive, deep melodic demands of is sure to set dance floors convulsing whilst , his first single re-edited and extended, is certified electro-gold.

What ever happened to the Andrew Ridgeley bloke from Savage Garden?

Surely he must have had more talent than Darren Hayes. This song, much like its performer, is smarmy, insincere and crap. I can not believe that

Riding a wave of commercial success and mainstream attention, the kings of pseudo-chav hip-hop release their signature tune and live-set favourite.

Eighties style synths and lo-fi beats back inventive and funny lyrics in those unmistakable Newport tones.

Crude, offensive and puerile, this record is both big and clever.

Hands up if you like U2. Just me then? Despite being older than the suffragette movement, U2 have survived by evolving and moving with the times. This is evident on , the rocky first single from new album , which shoots along over some typically vague Bono lyrics. Enough to keep your Uncle Pete happy.

Acknowledged as one of the finest records of the year on its limited edition 7" vinyl release in March, confirms Graham Coxon's place amongst the rock elite. Brilliantly catchy riffs and an addictive chorus combine to make this - the stand-out song from the excellent LP - a small step away from pop perfection. Damon who?

With evident Indie roots and a surprising sense of maturity, the debut offering from Cardiff University’s own Every Man Jack reminisces of the times when Oasis where untouchable, The Verve hadn’t parted ways and the NME was going Badly Drawn Boy crazy. Refreshing without being nauseatingly unoriginal; a credit to a failing genre.

Live

The Coolest man in Britain?

FATBOY SLIM/JOHNNY QUALITY The Great Hall

Saturday 23rd October

Jon Davies

THE ORDINARY BOYS Clwb Ifor Bach

Monday 18th October

Maybe Someday

August Jonathan Reese

36 CRAZY FISTS/18 VISIONS/BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE Clwb Ifor Bach

Tuesday 12th October Capped Romance

Jules Thorpe-Smith

Snow

At The End of

22 RONI SIZE AND SPECIAL GUESTS Solus

Thursday 21st October To V

Return

Lyric on my Lip

Breakbeat Era

Brown Paper Bag

Ricky Pearson

BLOC PARTY

Clwb Ifor Bach

Sunday 16th October

Nick Thakkar

GONZO ON TOUR Barfly

Thirteen Senses- Yaaaawn

Friday 15th October

THE SUBWAYS TJ's, Newport

Tuesday 19th October

Jon Davies

23

“Look at this cd, it was only £14.99!”

“You sicken me!”

The High Street is Meat

T

he high street sucks; it’s as simple as that. Why go through the hassle of pushing your way through hoards of old people, kids in pushchairs and gangs of chavs who want to steal your wallet only to fork out 20 per cent more than you need to on that CD, game, or DVD? You’re in university now, you must have a brain in your head, so start shopping on the Internet NOW!

Ah, this is the grandmaster of Internet shopping; even your mum knows of its existence on the interweb. Looking increasingly bloated these days as it spreads it tentacles into homeware, TVs, gardening, and all manner of other things that you won’t be interested in buying.

However, when it comes to books (you know, the things that are useful for your course), CDs, DVDs and games. Its range of stock is hard to beat, especially when combined with top notch customer service and security. Be sure to buy more than £25 of goods to take advantage of their super saver delivery though, otherwise prepare to be stung for postage costs. Ouch!

While Amazon strives to be all things to all people, the best shopping sites on the Internet are those that focus tightly on a few products.

Nowhere is focus tighter or the competition tougher than in the multimedia arena.

Being based in Jersey (the land of tax evasion) perhaps explains how this company makes a profit. CDs, DVDs and games for all formats delivered to your door gratis at roughly ten to 15% less than the high street price.

Straightforward to use with a clean and reliable interface has made this site Digital’s No.1 choice for multimedia. A chart CD for £8.99 anyone?

Things get even better when they string together deals that save you even more money. They have recently branched out into gadgets and (shudder) ringtones too if that’s your bag.

Beats dealing with a spotty shop assistant (who doesn’t even know when GTA: San Andreas comes out) any day of the week.

The only negative factor is having to wait three to five working days for your kit to arrive, but the savings make it worth the wait.

While Play.com is Digital’s champion of champions, when it came to saving money online, CD Wow had never been far behind; with a virtually identical pricing and shipping policy, it lost out only due to an uglier interface and having less bubblewrap in its packaging.

But, when it comes to student shopping, price is always king and snapfaxcds is the lowest of the low (of reputable sites, that is) in the best way possible. In partnership with CD Wow (through this URL only!) SnapFax is offering a further 10% off CD Wow’s already low prices on all things that come in circular and shiny packages.

Current top buys being Pro Evolution 4 on PS2 sub-30 quid and chart CDs so near to £8 that it hurts. Combine this with the ability to buy DVDs from any region to smugly watch on your multi-region player, or dodgily chipped console.

You would have to be a fool to still happily scamper down to Virgin or HMV.

24 Digital

t’Internet shopping cont’d

A Ladies top in the style of someone famous, e r yeah! www.firebox.com

www.asos.com

Fiction

Pulp

Cult Classics

01 11 04

25

We’ve got two mind-expanding offerings for you to sample this fortnight. Then you can chill to those sounds of The Beach Boys.

DONNIE DARKO

NORTHERN LIGHTS

PET SOUNDS

Dir: Richard Kelly 2001

Philip Pullman

The Beach Boys

Starring Jake Gyllanhaal

Points/scholastic (1995)

EMI (1966)

26

grfilms@cf.ac.uk

Quench 01 11 04

SPONSORED BY STER CENTURY

ALFIE

Dir: Charles Shyer Cast: Jude law, Sienna Miller, Susan Sarandon

“Pull my finger”

SAVE THE GREEN PLANET Dir: Jun-hwan Jeong Starring :Ha-kyun Shin, Yun-shik Baek

FINDING NEVERLAND

Dir: Marc Forster Cast: Jonny Depp, Kate Winslet

Johnny Depp’s first incarnation of Cpt. Jack Sparrow wa s less than inspired

Film ALSO OUT THIS WEEK...

Mirror, mirror on the wall. who’s the scariest of them all?

INTO THE MIRROR

Dir: Seong – Ho Kim Cast: Kim Hye-na, Kim Myeong-mim art haunted house scare-fest, part detective story, and part metaphysical meditation, Into the Mirror mixes genres to chilling and thought provoking effect.

The second film from Korean director Seong-Ho Kim, Into the Mirror, is set in a South Korean department store about to reopen following a fire.

The only problem is that employees keep getting brutally murdered, with the only link being they all die next to mirrors. Woo Yeong-Min (Si Tae Yu), the troubled chief of security in the store, begins to piece together the bizarre puzzle.

The idea of the mirror, and the haunting power of reflection, is a staple horror device. From classics like Dracula, to modern frighteners like Candyman and What Lies Beneath, the mirror has been used to hint at another world that lies beyond human boundaries. Into the Mirror makes inventive use of this old trick.

What makes it such unsettling viewing is that Seong-Ho Kim never allows you to truly know what you are watching.

His camera will start on a reflection and then pan across to show the actual events. This has the effect of making the viewer question every frame: is it real, or just another unreliable, potentially hallucinatory reflection?

It is this intelligence that elevates Into the Mirror from being a scary, but generic effort, into something far more ambitious. The manner in which it switches from its horror opening, to merge into a detective story, and then hit you with a sucker haymaker of a coda, is the mark of a filmmaker to watch.

Tom Seaman

P

EXORCIST:THE BEGINNING

Dir: Renny Harlin Cast: Stellen Skarsgad, James D’arcey ere we have yet another installment to the already tarnished Exorcist series. If The Beginning were to be likened to a soft drink it

H

would undoubtedly be the ‘Ribena tooth-kind’ of Horror.

It seems Hollywood believes it makes box-office sense to dilute modern horror films in order to get more arses on seats. Gone are the days when the horror genre was targeted at adults, providing a haunting and psychological journey for the viewer. Now we have been condemned to suffer the regurgitation of classic horror flicks in order to please the annoying popcorn throwing chav who always sits behind you.

This prequel is set in post-war Africa and follows Lankester Merrin (the old guy in the original) as he excavates a mysterious church used to trap something evil within. Unlike its predecessor this film delivers hardly any shocks and contains very little quality, especially through the comical special effects. One redeeming factor is Stellan Skarsgand’s excellent performance as the tortured Merrin who delivers the only ‘soul’ (sorry) to the movie. With Halloween just around the corner take my advice - watch the original.

Jimi Williams

THE PRINCESS DIARIES 2 This dire and flimsy Disney kiddie pleaser is bad in such a way that it actually hurts.

3/10 FAT SLAGS Utter trivialised shit. In a world of inept and irritatingly pointless cinematic efforts this is perhaps the rectum of modern film. A film of which no one should be proud.

1/10

You want me to shove that crucifix where?

F i l m

The Cardiff Screen Festival is a 10 day showcase for the best new talent from Wales, as well as World and European premieres of the latest international releases.

A WAY OF LIFE - 10 Nov (UGC) 11 Nov (Chapter)

(UGC)

THE MACHINIST - 12 Nov (UGC) 14 Nov (Chapter)

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THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE - 13 Nov (UGC)

THE GREEN HAT (LU MAO TZE) - 12 Nov (UGC)

Dir: Amma Asante Cast: Stephanie James, Nathan Jones, Brenda Blethyn n a valley town in South Wales, a teenage mother struggles to raise her baby due to the abscense of its father and any immediate family.

Consequently, her Turkish neighbour becomes to the target of her pent up anger and frustration. Opening night film.

THE HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS - 16 Nov (UGC)/17

Nov (Chapter)

Dir: Yimou Zhang Cast: Takeshi Kaneshiro, Andy Lau, Zhang Ziyi

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rom the director of Hero comes one of the most stunning martial arts films ever, maybe even better than the slick visuals of Hero itself. Set in the year 859 BC, the Tang dynasty is being assulted by rebel groups, amoung which is The House of Flying Daggers. Expect lots of killing and awesome swordplay.

GARDEN STATE - 19 Nov Dir: Zach Braff Cast: Zach Braff, Natalie Portman, Ian Holm moderately successful TV actor returns to his home town after nine years. While trying to avoid the inevitable conflict with his father, he bumps into old friends and meets a beautiful girl who’s everything he isn’t.

Dir: Jonathon Demme Cast: Denzel Washington, Meryl Streep

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s the entire nation watches the presidential campaign hurtle towards Election Day, one soldier races to uncover the conspiracy behind the campaign - a conspiracy that seeks to destroy democracy itself. A remake of the cold-war paranoia classic.

VERA DRAKE - 20 Nov (UGC)

Dir: Mike Leigh Cast: Imelda Staunton, Philip Davis Jim Broadbent

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ondon 1950: Vera Drake is a selfless woman, dedicated to her loving family. She has a secret side though - visiting women to help them induce miscarriages for unwanted pregnancies (illegal in the 1950s).

When discovered by the authorities, her world quickly falls apart. Closing night film.

Zach Braff: Liked the wallpaper so much he brought the shir t

Dir: Brad Anderson Cast: Christian Bale, Jennifer Jason Lee, Michael Ironside revor Reznik hasn’t slept in three years. At work, he meets Ivan who distracts him on the factory floor leading to a bloody accident.

Things get worse, as no one else believes that Ivan exists. A brilliant paranoid thriller.

Dir: Liu Fendou Cast: Fan Liao, Haiban Li

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n audacious and highly accomplished film, which begins with a love struck teenager robbing a bank in the name of love, then changes into something completely different a third of the way into the film....strange.

Peter Sellers Retrospective

Film

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THE NAKED TRUTH

Dir: Mario Zampi Cast: Peter Sellers, Dennis Price

DR STRANGELOVE: OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB Dir: Stanley Kubrick Cast: Peter Sellers, George C Scott

Sellers as Dr Strangelove

The DVDon

THE LADYKILLERS, rel. OUT NOW

ONLY TWO CAN PLAY Dir: Sidney Gilliat Cast: Peter Sellers, Richard Attenborough

The Don Says: “He was stupid. I was lucky. I will visit him soon.”

2DTV-Series 4, rel. 01/11/04

Reviews you cant refuse THE PRODUCERS (SPECIAL EDITION), rel. OUT NOW

The Don Says: “Was it a boy?”

The Don Says: “If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it is that you can kill anyone.”

THE OFFICE: CHRISTMAS SPECIALS rel. OUT NOW

The Don Says: “In my bedroom where my wife sleeps! Where my children come and play with their toys. In my home!”

THE CANNELONI SPECIAL BIG TRAIN SERIES 1 & 2, OUT NOW

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Arts

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transformed the New Theatre into the Globe this fortnight, providing a real treat for all theatre fans and English Literature students. The Swansea-based company performed their first production, last year, making their second tour. Having seen the productions, we believe that the company look set to go far…

The Merchant of Venice

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he Wales Theatre Company certainly succeeded in putting the humour back into one of Shakespeare’s best classic comedies.

Portrayed in a contemporary setting, the company made Shakespeare’s jokes crystal clear with a modern tone. For example, in the play, Portia, (the ‘perfect lady,’) has many suitors. In order to win her hand in marriage, the suitor must choose one of three caskets. If the suitor chooses the one containing Portia’s portrait, he has won her. One suitor chooses the wrong casket and retrieves a picture of a ‘blinking idiot.’

In this production, the idiot happened to be none other than George Bush.

Not only did the company deal with comedy extremely well, but they also succeeded in building up tension.

When Shylock demanded that he wanted a pound of Antonio’s flesh, from ‘nearest his heart,’ all hearts in the audience pounded.

All in all, this production was a unique treat that was able to resuscitate Shakespeare’s 400-year-old script to make a thoroughly enjoyable play.

Debbie Green

Twelfth Night

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et in the 1920s, The Wales Theatre Company’s production of got off to a dramatic start, complete with strobe

grartsmail@hotmail.com

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lights, smoke and thunder.

The cast made good use of the rather basic set, decorated only with a grand piano, gramophone, dartboard and Christmas tree, and managed to soar through the story with barely a dull moment. The feel of the period was rounded off with authentic costumes (white shoes and checked socks all round!)

Even the musical interludes between scenes echoed of the time.

The actors proved it’s not all about the text with numerous physical jokes and well-executed sword-fights that occured near the end of the play.

All in all it was a very enjoyable performance, although it may be argued that the way the company stage the final scene made Twelfth Night appear more as a tragedy than a comedy.

Alexis Smith

King, Cymbeline, has an explosive ending where blood is spilled, family reunited and love rekindled, providing an epic adventure for a thirsty audience.

The fantastic special effects and lighting which created a warlike atmosphere. The excellent use of costume provided a colourful array in contrast to the dusky stage set. The audience were particularly shocked by a bloodstained head of Cloten, highlighting the gruesome, horrific crimes of Guiderius, the King’s lost son.

The director Michael Bogdanoy chose an exceptional cast with outstanding performances from all. Lisa Zahra who played Imogen, the King’s daughter, gave a passionate, dramatic, heart-wrenching performance, which juxtaposed well with Bradley Freegard’s serious but comic deliverance of Guiderius. There was an overall cohesion within the cast and the play was superbly conveyed under the clever direction.

Rebecca Child and Claire Power

Cymbeline

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his classic tale of love, betrayal, conflict and loss was performed in an engaging, sophisticated manner.

The story of two young lovers whose marriage is torn apart by the

Cardiff’s Str

t Cir us A r t s

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spectacular than anything you’ve seen before. It seems the end has come for the boring, worn out, same-old tricks circus you saw when you were a kid, Thank God. Laura Quinn Starting with three roller skaters, these crazy bastards wowed the crowd by practically killing each other with their stunts, which included throwing each other in the air (yes, with skates on still…some people just have a death wish!). Along with this was the oh so traditional woman in skimpy outfit wrapping herself up in a ribbon in mid air trick, trapeze artists (who were grinning like Cheshire cats for some mad reason, rather you than me mate!), and a man that really gave his diabalo some stick. However, what really ruined the show was the cheesy assed ringleader, who quite frankly, was a twat. Obviously unable to get a kiss from probably just about any woman on the face of this earth, the dirty beast forced a poor girl to kiss him in front of the whole crowd, nice.

But with BMX and skater tricks galore, a man rolling around in a frame that made him look like a hamster on a rampage, and the dirty jokes of the clown (who, funnily enough, was a Scotsman) made this show far more

Edinburgh and Beyond

Despite a few technical problems, compere Chris Addison bounds onto the stage and delights the audience with a mixture of his own set and introductions of the other performers.

It was a shame because throughout the night Addison was the most enthusiastic and best-received performer.

As part of a rotating bill Dan Antopolski was up next with an irreverent set that drifted from the surreal to the silly (testing the front row’s patience with trick handshakes).

Canada has traditionally been a stronghold for stand-up and it was of no surprise that two of tonight’s stars hailed from Canadia (as Addison put it). Tony Law and his camped-up Canadian accent was a roar, while the long-haired Craig Campbell let rip at a

Bent at The Sherman

A compelling production set in fascist Germany with a harrowing account of love, hate and prejudice, 9 Nov.

Mike Reid at St David’s Hall Cleverly titiled ‘Reid All About It’, need i say any more? 17 Nov.

Chicago at New Theatre

The razzle-dazzle of Broadway comes to Cardiff, 8-20 Nov.

Faces, Cultures, Identities at Butetown History and Arts Centre An exhibition of paintings looking into race and identity in Wales today, 19 Oct-16 Jan.

Al Pitcher at Seran Las

Part of the Comedy Network, 2 Nov.

range of targets from phone companies to being colourfully referred to by Brits as a “moose-fucker”.

Some moments in tonight’s show made me laugh so much it felt like exercise. We’d be wise to take better advantage of the array of talented comedians that visit Cardiff. Will Dean

Shooting Shakespeare In theory, this is a really good play.

A theatre-owner feels threatened by the invention of cinema and tries to make the first ever silent film of The Tempest. It would have been a good play, in practice, had it been better written, directed and acted. Instead, it felt like watching a mediocre school play. Hannah Perry

Silent Cry Silent Cry

The story is based around the struggle of a Pakistani family, living in England, to bring the police to justice after the death of their son in custody. The play is a mixture of sadness, struggle and occasionally, through the voice of the youngest son, humour. You are constantly being made to reassess your opinions of certain characters through clever plot twists.

As you find your seats, the actors are already on stage which creates a tense atmosphere, helped by harrowing sound effects. The lead actor, playing the character of Nadeem, cleverly portrays the mixture of emotions felt by the youngest son as he slowly watches the campaign against the police tear his family apart. This play is tense and highly absorbing, definitely worth seeing! Rhiannon Doe

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B o o k s

grbooks@cf.ac.uk

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Beckham, Moore and books galore!

DUDE, WHERE’S MY COUNTRY? Michael Moore Penguin

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really wanted to dislike this book.

In my brain I had an opinion that Michael Moore encompassed some very trendy ‘liberal’ views.

The kind of so-called liberal views that only belong to rich, middle class, white people who don’t really have any idea of what it is like to be black or poor.

MOORE: The caring American

WHEN BECKHAM WENT TO SPAIN

Shell Plant

a very good book.

Jimmy Burns Penguin

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’m not a fan of David Beckham.

I'm quite proud of my extreme lack of knowledge or interest in football and the less said about pig lady, (a.k.a. Posh Spice), the better.

Believe me: I really wanted to hate this book. The bugger is it's actually

Laura Tumelty

PANIC:Hoping rain won’t ruin hair BECKHAM: Oh I’m like so tough

Sarah Dobbs

Fight Club The film was stylish, edgy and clever; or at least pseudo-intellectu-

al in a way that the book never quite managed to be. In my opinion, Chuck Palahniuk, along with all of his books, sycophants and imitators should be jammed into a rocket and fired into the sun.

Fight Club is typical of Palahniuk, showcasing trademarks of all his fictional works: blatant disregard for the past participle, over-abundance of unnecessary pronouns and copious irrelevant line breaks. It could be argued that these are stylistic choices but so is writing in text message style abbreviations and nobody’s impressed by that.

Someone should also let him know that while Tarantino makes fractured chronologies look cool when they complicate your story in an attempt to disguise the lack of plot then you’re just a pretentious hack.

The air of smugness throughout the book, particularly when hints at the "twist" are dropped, is almost unbearable; these twists are becoming all too commonplace these days and should be discouraged at all costs. I’m fed up of wondering when I’m going to find out that one of the characters is secretly dead – let’s leave all that to The Twilight Zone shall we kids?

The main problem with Palahniuk is a common one in contemporary fiction. There’s no beauty any more. Everything is about dirt, drugs, boredom and bad sex.

CAREER SKILLS: OPENING DOORS INTO THE JOB MARKET

Authors seem content to wallow in misery. His characters are unsympathetic and largely unpleasant.

Devoid of personality, Palahniuk’s narrators trudge through worlds populated by dysfunctional freaks, finding nothing worthwhile. Meaningless destruction is the only solution proposed. Sadly, this nihilistic doctrine is popular among impressionable youths who are bizarrely drawn to these sub-human characters; you have only to glimpse the colour schemes of Palahniuk fan websites to realize how mentally unhinged his readership is. It’s all very bleak; but it’s not clever. Nothing here is truly revolutionary; just tired material thinly veiled in stylised prose.

Palahniuk is supposedly "the voice of post-millennial angst" and appears to believe his own hype.

Our generation seems to be reaching for an identity that we haven’t quite yet discovered; but for the sake of all that’s good and holy, let’s not let Palahniuk be that voice.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling a bit overwhelmed or depressed with the apparent emptiness of our overly-commercialized society, but that’s no excuse to resort to this.

Instead, if you find yourself feeling the need to wallow in this sort of nihilistic tripe, do us all a favour.

Give yourself a slap in the face followed by a nice cup of tea and a sit down. It’s for the good of mankind.

relaxation techniques and an extremely helpful interview assessment form.Very helpful indeed.

All in all the book is the perfect guide for anyone venturing in to the big wide world. It is also written by highly successful professionals so they really do know what they’re talking about. So if you are feeling petrified at the prospect of job hunting, get this guide. It includes everything you need to find your dream job.

Kerry-Lynne Doyle

David Littleford, John Halstead and Charles Mulraine Palgrave I Career Skills: Opening Doors into the Job Market

The whole book is planned around a ‘route map’ which is a step by step guide covering everything from CVs to the dreaded interview. Each chapter opens with a quotation and the whole guide

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Want a free copy? Check out this week’s grab page for details on how you can get your mitts on one for free!

What more can you ask for? is accessible.

What is so useful about the guide is how practical it is. There are sample CVs, model interview questions,

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Food

grfood@cf.ac.uk

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Spooky parties

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FOOD 800g pumpkin 1 tbsp olive oil 1 large onion, finely sliced 1 1/2 litres vegetable stock 1 bay leaf Slice off the top of the pumpkin, take out the seeds and scrape the flesh into a bowl.

Heat oil in the pan and fry the onions until they are soft but not

brown. Add pumpkin into the pan and cook for three minutes. Add the stock and the bay leaf and bring to the boil.

Simmer for 20 minutes then blend and remove the bay leaf.

Return the soup to a clean pan and heat to desired temperature.

This dish looks amazing if served in a hollow pumpkin.

If you don’t have the energy or time to create a meal from scratch, why not make pumpkin burgers?

Just cut cheese slices into a pumpkin shape, use triangular pieces of red pepper for the eyes and nose, and slice an olive for the mouth.

Make jam or chocolate spread sandwiches and cut eyes, nose and a mouth out of the top layer of bread to make a jack-o-lantern.

SNACKS By far the most convincing Halloween snacks to make are eyeballs.

You will need one radish and one pimiento-stuffed olive per eyeball.

Peel radishes leaving thin red streaks

to represent the veins.

Scrape a small hole out of the top and stuff in the olive, pimiento side out.

Alternatively, you could use boiled eggs, cream cheese and red food colouring instead of the radish.

Boil five eggs and halve, mash together the yolks with 110g of cream cheese. Fill the eggs with this mixture and stuff a pimiento olive in the middle. Using a cocktail stick and red food colouring, draw on veins.

For an extra twist with the radish eyeballs, place each eye in a section of an ice cube tray, cover with water and freeze. Use them as eerie ice cubes in a creepy cocktail.

Use a marshmallow for the body, liquorice sticks or Matchmakers for the legs and two red sweets for the eyes.

A good suggestion are those redhot fireball sweets you used to buy when you were a teenager.

35 Tasty toadstools

Cut a slice off the bottom of ten hardboiled eggs so they stand up.

Put a blob of cheese spread on top of each egg and use to stick on cherry tomato halves.

Decorate the tomatoes with blobs of the spread and shredded curly lettuce as grass.

Witches’ fingers

Cook chicken goujons and cheese and tomato pizzas according to pack instructions. Cut the pizzas into finger-shaped slices. Make slits witha knife at ends of the pizza and goujons and slide in (or balance on) pieces of red pepper and halved black olives to look like witches’ nails.

For the eternally lazy

Go out and buy lots of food colouring.

They are easy to use and can go in pretty much anything. You could, for example, just add green food colouring into your usual dip or a cheese sauce to make it a bit scarier and stick with the crisps you’re used to serving.

DRINKS

Scary face smoothies

Cut a little skin off the bottom of ten oranges so that they sit flat. Slice the top off each orange, about 2 cm down.

Scoop out the flesh from each one and put into a blender or food processor with three medium bananas and two tablespoons of runny honey.

Whizz until smooth, adding milk if the mixture is too thick.

Decorate the oranges with cloves to make scary eyes and mounths. Cut down bendy straws to fit each orange and pour in the smoothie mixture.

Red devil

Pour one shot of vodka and two shots of cranberry juice into a cocktail shaker with a handful of ice.

Shake, strain into a cocktail glass and top up with lemonade.

Nightmare martini

Pour one shot of gin and one shot of rosso vermouth into a cocktail shaker with half a shot cherry brandy and two shots of orange juice. Fill the shaker with ice, shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Bloody Daiquiris

Green monster

Add all ingredients together and shake well.

Black cat

2 shots of vodka or tequila 1 tsp. Worcestershire Sauce 1 tsp. horseradish Salt, pepper and hot sauce (all optional) Juice to fill the glass

Pour 1 and a half shots of white rum and one shot creme de menthe into a cocktail shaker. Add a dash of lemon juice and a handful of ice. Shake well and strain the drink into a cocktail glass.

Put four ice cubes into a tumbler and add 1 and a half shots of vodka, one

shot of cherry brandy, and two shots each of cola and cranberry juice. Stir the ingredients well and serve in a normal glass.

For the eternally lazy

Turn your normal drink of choice into something a bit more along the Halloween theme by mixing honey and red food dye together and drizzling it around the rim of the glass.

IMAGE

Anyone who grew up with trick-or-treat parties will tell you that the most important thing is to look the part.

Decorating your house before a Haloween party may seem obvious, but is it often ignored. Blood, cobwebs, snot and other scary props are essential. If you’re early, you can find great stuff for next to nothing in alltime favourite student shops such as Hypervalue and Tesco.

On Albany Road you’ll find a number of fancy dress shops to rummage through. They stock everything from decorations to costumes. Remember, that as a host you need to be scarier than anyone else.

Whereas Halloween costumes may be easy to get right, the make-up certainly isn’t. Applying scabs and snot in the right places will really make all the difference (unless you intend to go as a pumpkin).

Use gelatine to create effective looks for Halloween. There are loads of different flavours to choose from ,so you can find or make the perfect colour for that hairy mole or crusty scab you’ve always wanted.

CHILLING: These drinks will m a ke your par ty go with a swing CREEPY: No more fish fingers - it’s witches’ hands we’re after

Going Out

01 11 04

Neighbours?

Going Out

HOFFI COFFEE Nestled inauspiciously between an estate agents and a curry house on Woodville Road, Hoffi Coffee is often overlooked by students living in Cathays. Not exactly Central Perk then, but as home to the best egg mayonnaise baguette in the area, this is definitely to their loss.

Hoffi Coffee means "I like coffee" in Welsh and it’s clear from one or two of the more wide-eyed and twitchy customers that this is definitely the place to come when caffeine is the only thing that will keep you going.

Hoffi is a traditional café.

They take your order at the counter and everything is prepared in the back room. Rather than standing there awkwardly as someone prepares your sandwich in front of you, you can have a seat and read one of the magazines or newspapers in the rack.

It looks small from the outside, but has more than enough space to accommodate large groups. Those in the know occupy the big sofas in front of the counter, but if you’re looking for some privacy you can grab a table in the back room.

The café has a relaxed atmosphere that makes you feel like you could stay there for hours and the comfy sofas only add to that.

On a tight student budget, this is just the place to get a bite to eat without breaking the bank. With more and more baguette shops and coffee houses opening up in Cathays, some places may find the going tough. But the quality of the food and coffee, coupled with it being a great place to hang out, should see Hoffi Coffee doing well for a long time to come.Tom Scott

THE NEW YORK DELI

BAR ESSENTIAL

The New York Deli has to be my number one tip for lunching in Cardiff. It’s a word so often misused, but if you can forget that you’re a good few days swim away from the city that gives it its name; the place really does have an "authentic" feel to it. The walls are adorned with baseball memorabilia and the like, plus you’ll even hear American accents in here. And the food leaves you in no doubt that you’ve walked into Cardiff’s own little piece of Greenwich Village.

There’s proper American-style hot dogs, grinders, bagels, Club sandwiches, or croon your way through the latest addition to the menu, the Sinatra Special. But all this is just for wimps.

The biggest and best reason for paying a visit to The New York Deli is to take on one of their Hoagies; truly the last word in sandwiches. Suspend your disbelief, these bad boys make a mockery of every sandwich you’ve ever seen. They’re dinner-plate sized, impossible to close, and best attempted only after a 48-hour fast.

You will not find a bigger sandwich anywhere else in the known world.

Fact. Beat it, and prove it to me, and I will personally buy you lunch here, if I don’t die of amazement first.

I’m not normally one for giving the thumbs up to Uncle Sam, but this place makes me want to pledge allegiance to the flag; if only they’d stop trying to "export democracy" and exported a few more of these. In fact, build one of these in downtown Baghdad, and all our troubles would be over.

Dave Adams

Tucked away in a leafy avenue just off Queen Street, Bar Essential isn’t exactly within your average student’s price range, but don’t be put off too quickly. With its relaxed atmosphere and a new menu of traditional and contemporary dishes you can’t fail to be pleased.

The meals cost around £4 for a starter and £7-8 for a main, so it’s certainly a bit on the expensive side, but you can always treat yourself. You can choose to sit in the sunny conservatory (non-smoking), a cosy booth (great for taking a date) or by the fireside; super on one of those cold Cardiff afternoons.

The menu is varied, including tapas, Italian and Oriental dishes.

There’s a specials board too, so there’s something for everyone. They have a meal size for all appetites: snacks and wraps, which looked amazing, and platters for the more hungry amongst you. I had calamari with a sweet chilli dip followed by the Thai mussel pot. Both were excellent.

Mussels in a Thai sauce was an unusual idea but it worked well. My one complaint was that there were no desserts; a nice cake would have finished it off nicely but there was no sign of a sweet thing in the place.

Overall, if you want something above the average and away from the student haunts then Bar Essential is the place to go.

Sarah Gregory Come and ‘ave a go if you think you’re hard enough. Meetings 5pm Mondays, 4th floor. Email grmagazine@cf.co.uk.

S p o r t

grsport@cf.ac.uk

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W h e n w i n n e r s l o s e i t a l l

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who merit our respect and those who he euphoria of sporting victory should be toppled from their mediais the holy grail after which all built pedestals of adulation and sportspeople strive, the golden resultant stardom. pot at the base of a seemingly endWhile the German team that won less rainbow and the carrot dangled the Italia ’90 World Cup were one of from an apparently never-ending the least memorable to raise the trostick. phy in terms of flair and charisma, the Success on the sports field can humility they showed to England’s occur instantly, an incisive pass or a defeated and heart-broken group of tackle won. Yet the most rewarding nearly-men should raise them onto a victories are those achieved through platform of greatness. months of toil, encompassing blood, Having been informed of his sweat and tears, the result of which duty to endure the inconvenis a rollercoaster which would make ience of a post-match the most unforgiving Florida attraction drugs test, Stuart Pearce look like a swing in a child’s playhas since ground. revealed There is a marked contrast, however, between those who win with dignity how the and those whose arrogance, bluster and sense of self-importance reduce an otherwise creditable achievement to a mere exhibition of egotism and conceit.

‘Greatness’ is a term used loosely in today’s media and attributed to many whose skills do not merit such an accolade. The primary characteristics of a true sporting great are those of outstanding skill and ability, yet it is when these attributes are coupled with less obvious traits, such as humility and compassion, both in defeat and victory, that the good become great.

At Brookline in 1999, the Americans had an outstanding collection of golfers, a strong team unit, the like of which they have since struggled to recreate. Yet they cannot be considered great because their unsightly, discourteous and churlish reaction to victory showed that they lacked the class possessed by the real sporting legends.

Amidst the myriad clichés spouted on a weekly basis by those supposed sporting experts, professionalism is one which appears as often as any.

While passion is essential, its transformation into the realms of uncouth behaviour, as was the case on that final green in 1999, is unforgiv- CHAMPION: Voller’s team had the right able and allows a clear distincattitude tion to be made between those

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John Stanton on why w nn ng s about more than the tr umph o one team over another

two German players alongside him in the waiting-room maintained a dignified silence, sitting quietly alongside the forlorn Pearce, despite the reality that they had just secured a place in the final of one of the biggest competitions in world sport. Celebrations were taking place all around, yet they demonstrated humanity and that should be considered more important than the fact that they went on to lift the coveted Jules Rimet trophy.

Sport is said to reflect society and it is at such times that the importance of education and background pervade into the sporting arena. Could we expect similar behaviour from this country’s overpaid and ill-educated ‘greats’?

When Australian Prime Minister John Howard behaved shamefully and childishly while presenting the victorious England rugby team with their World Cup medals, that country’s people and media reacted furiously.

Even Australians, the most fearsome and competitive of sporting opponents, with a deeply ingrained dislike of British sports teams, realised the importance of proper conduct.

Whether it be the relative tranquillity and seemingly unimportant locale of the ‘friendly’ match on the village green, or the media-magnified cauldron that is top level competition, there is no place for the nastiness that defiles the innocence and purity of sport.

Victorious braggarts transform otherwise impressive victories into meaningless, hollow occasions. Being magnanimous in defeat and respectful in victory are under-valued sporting characteristics, yet they underpin everything that sport stands for and aims to promote.

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Blind Date

grblinddate@cf.ac.uk

Quench 01 11 04

Love match?

1. What was your first impression of Neil?

He looked a lot older than I had expected, quite sophisticated. I was a bit scared.

2. Did sparks fly?

We hit it off in terms of conversation, and got on really well, but I don’t think there was a massive attraction 3. Did you have a lot to talk about or were you constantly looking at your watch?

We had lots in common so there were no awkward moments. The conversation flowed well.

4. Did you go out after the date?

Yes, we went for a drink and Neil got chatted up by an old lady while I was in the toilet.

5 What were your lasting impressions of Neil?

Genuinely nice guy.

6. Will you see each other again?

I would like to, maybe in a few weeks for a drink and a chat.

Rate your date out of 5

1. What was your first impression of Natalie?

She was attractive, bubbly, chatty and interesting. A very easy person to get on with.

2. Did sparks fly?

I’m not sure. I found her attractive and I would like to get to know her better. I think something could develop.

3. Did you have a lot to talk about, or were you constantly looking at your watch?

We had lots to talk about, there were no awkward silences.

4. Did you swap numbers?

Yes. 5. What were your lasting impressions of Natalie?

Really genuine, interesting person, great to talk to.

6. Will you see each other again?

I would really like to but I’m not sure when or where.

Rate your date out of 5 If you think you’re spunky, cover your monkey.

Quench 01 11 04

V

ery well. I can maintain my silence no longer (well, strictly speaking, someone else was maintaining it for me). Since I last wrote in this fair journal things have managed to get much, much worse, on personal, national and worldwide levels. And typically, rather than tackle the major issues of international relations and global politics, yours truly is going to rant on about issues closer to home. After all, some illinformed twat with access to News 24 can probably fill you in on the big stuff, whether in the nationals or the ramshackle pages of gair rhydd, so why should I bother you with yet more of the same? After all, does the world really need another Johann Hari? Does it even need one?

Thought not.

So, on with the bile. You may have noticed, especially if you are a firstyear student, the sheer glut of ‘advice’ doled out to anyone who even walks like a member of the student body. (If you haven’t noticed, what are you – retarded?) All well and good, but most of this is mythologising filler (ahem… guilty as charged), money-making spin, or downright bad ideas. Very much of it resorts to cliches and the advice,

such as it is, becomes patronising in the extreme. Okay, some of you may well be complete morons who couldn’t find your arse with both hands – journeys to and from work seem to confirm this – but surely you don’t need someone to hold your hand all the time, do you? Mm? Basically, you need to know three things: a) go into the lounge, not the public bar, in an unfamiliar pub, and you won’t get a shoeing, b) eight cans of ’Boom can be purchased for the sum of five pounds, and c) be polite to doorstaff, especially if they are called Paul.

In place of some opinionated shite, I would like to remember the truly noble John Peel. Greatness is all too often misused as a description these days, but the late broadcaster was a titanic figure within his profession. He never tallked down to his listeners, never shied away from sharing any music that he liked with others, and always gave the impression that, unlike other DJs, he actually listened to the music he was playing. He was a surrogate uncle to many, a benign guide pointing out places of interest on an unfamliar trail. Through his regular programme on Radio One I discovered so many artists and recordings

that I now hold dear (especially The Fall, which is reason enough to venerate his memory), and this was true for thousands, maybe millions, of people.

Now that he is gone, who will take up his standard? After all, with Peel out of the way, will any of the strange and enchanting music that so brightened an evening be played on the radio any more? Must we be left with no recourse but that of IPC Magazines’ officially sanctioned ‘tasteful’ music?

Will the NME be our only source of information? No. For it is John Peel’s full and lasting legacy that we can make our own scenes, our own newsletters and publications, make up our own minds, because he championed such self-expression like no-one else in the British media. He was a true champion, a one-off. He is gone, and his work must carry on in our hands.

And finally, something that’s needed to be said for some time: The Smiths were shite, and Morrissey is even worse. I truly hate them, and you’ll be hearing more about this at a later date. In addition, expect to read puerile slurs on politicians, both living and dead, shits and giggles, choir news and horse porn. Cool!