Quench - Issue 19

The Guardian Student Press Awards: Magazine of the Year Runner-Up Vo l u m e 2 I s s u e 19 N ove m b e r 2 00 4

“in between all the fights and crack smoking ” Quench’s Albums of the year

“It’s all showbusiness”

Chicago Arts: Get a taste of the Windy City at the New Theatre Interviews - Fashion - Gay - Travel - Music - Books - Digital - Film - Arts - Food - Going Out

Film: Get Incredible Digital: Get managerial Features: G e t s e a s o n a l

Contents

grmagazine@cf.ac.uk

No such thing as a good pun...

4 6 7 8 12 15 18 20 22 30 35 38 40 42 44 47

One Trick Pony: Debate: Eat things that used to have a face?

Mr Chuffy: Women are women. Men aren’t.

Features big up the little people Travel: Won’t take Africa lion down (ho ho) Interviews: Girls are most definitely aloud Fashion: How to break into the industry Straight talking in Gay If Music be the food of love; explain maracas?

Film: Incredible movie The Incredibles Books hail the God that is Terry Pratchett Digital let Champ Manager rule their degrees Arts: Turner round - every now and then... etc.

Going Out are out to lunch Food go natural for a weekend DC Gates: The swansong of a genius

Executive editor Gary Andrews Quench editor James Anthony

Arts Debbie Green, Laura Quinn, Natalie Slater Blind Date Lisa O’Brien Books KerryLynne Doyle Columnist DC Gates Cult Classics Catherine Gee Debate Jessica Webb Digital Simeon Rosser-Trokas Fashion Perri Lewis Features Emma Langley, Hannah Perry Film Craig Driver, Alan Woolley Food Mari Ropstad Gay Ian Loynd Going Out Dave Adams Interviews Will Dean Mr Chuffy Himself Music Sam Coare, Jon Davies One Trick Pony Geordie Chris Photography Luke Pavey, AJ Silvers Sub Editors Amy Mackelden, Emma Wilkins, James Williams Travel Sarah Cummins, Laura Tovey

Assistant to Editor Elaine Morgan Contributors Zoe Baldock, Greg Cochrane, Bren Coopey, Steve Crofts, Suzanne Forward, Alexandra Fry, Erina Gavin, Sarah Godfrey, Laura Gratton, Richard Griffiths,Elgan Iorwerth, Dave Jennings, Natalia Kekic, Mark Kelly, Robbie Lane, Rob Martin, Helen Mullins, Kim O’Connor, Ryan Owen, Gareth Paisey, Shell Plant, Will Schmit, Tom Seaman, Kate Sinfield, Marielle Smith, Nick Thakkar, Helen Thompson, Ellen Waddell, Claire Wainwright, John Widdop, Sylvie Winn, Beth Pritchard, Lucy Hutchings, Colm Loughlin, James Skinner Photographers and illustrators Maria Cox, David Sutheran Proof readers Ailsa Chalk, Sarah Cummins, Hanah Perry, Alys Southwood, Perri Lewis Cover design Will Dean Thought of the week: Why only two nipples?

Quench 11 04

3

Return TONIGHT QUENCH mourns the departure of our longstanding columnist, DC Gates. Reading his final piece, it does not come as a surprise that he wanted to jump ship, but it is a disappointment. The claim that no-one reads the final column is either misplaced modesty (and I am not calling his sense of decorum into question), or perhaps a lack of realisation of his effect on others (I can see the corners of his lip curl as he reads this - and not in a smile).

DC Gates wrote Passing Comment in my first year at uni. In a year where not much of anything got done, it was the only part of gair rhydd that I read religiously, and always to the end.

A frequent misconception that students labour under when writing for print is that they are funny. By and large, they are not. The harder they try, the more apparent this fact becomes. I know many people in daily life that make me laugh, but comic timing is vital; something impossible to convey with words on a page.

Gates always manages to retain a dry sense of humour. Couple this with an ascerbic, viscious streak, which seems to come from a general misanthropy, and the result is deliciously entertaining. Throughout his writing, there is an absurdity juxtaposed with coherent focus (this being another skill sadly lacking in amatuer writing).

I apologise if this is starting to sound like a monumental ass-kissing, but if I hadn’t read Passing Comment in my first year, I probably wouldn’t be here now.

Often people underestimate the effect they have on others. This is not least because unless you’re a massively arrogant git, it’s impossible to predict the effect you have on others.

If you read the End Column of this magazine, and you like it, email: grmagazine@cf.ac.uk. If we get enough feedback, maybe we can persuade the grumpy old shit to come back. Malum consilium quod mutari non potest, DC.

4 One Trick Pony ( O v e r r r a t e d )

The Usual Subjects Like The Usual Suspects, Geddit?

Y

A-Levels Or, more specifically, their use as a method of weeding out candidates on job application forms, many of which state a requirement of 24-26 UCAS points. Yes, I do only have 20, but since I’m doing a degree - a Masters at that - in the same subjects, I can clearly do them. I would, therefore, be rejected for many graduate schemes because four years ago I wasn’t sufficiently mature to work hard enough to get the best grades in subjects I can do for qualifications that really don’t count that much. Surely having grown up a bit whilst at University makes me a better candidate, not worse?

Quench 11 04

Homer has no UCAS points

Solus The Union’s nightclub has lost some of its appeal. For starters, Friday and Saturday nights seem to be exactly the same as they were when I first came to Cardiff all those years ago, only the drinks aren’t as cheap.

If I have to hear Reef’s Place Your Hands one more time I’ll end up curling into a ball and rocking backwards and forwards like a complete mentalist. The place seems to go from completely dead to fuller than an Iraqi hospital in minutes, and the queues become ridiculous. And besides, the Latin for ‘alone’ is a crap name for a club.

ou hold in your hands the second best student magazine in the UK, according to the Guardian people. As much as I’d like to share the credit, I wasn’t really involved last year, so I can’t.

Next year, however, when we win, I’ll be claiming it’s entirely down to me. WHEN we win – are you reading this, Guardian? Are you? Shit, that was meant to be subtle and subliminal. Never mind, moving on…

I usually use this space as a sort of diary of the ways in which I’ve made an arse of myself since the last issue, but in truth I’ve had a rather unremarkable fortnight, with very little in the way of interesting tales with which to regale our readers. I did get a positive letter about my gair rhydd page, and whilst such a response is flattering, I’m not sure how I feel about praise from someone who can’t use an apostrophe.

I’ve also newly experienced being in a class with the hangover from hell, which I haven’t had for a while – this time a Spanish Saturday-class after a night in horrible, horrible Solus.

Geordie Chris

( U n d e r r a t e d ) MSN Music Micro$oft’s media site allows you to download music files directly to your PC, completely legally, for only 69p per track. This saves having to make a nightmarish Saturday-afternoon trip into town to battle with a throng of teenagers in Her Maj’s Vag to find the album you’re after. The site has a variety of different genres, from classical music to rock and hip-hop, and, thankfully, latin music. Unfortunately they seem to be lacking any of Shakira’s early Spanishlanguage music. I knew I’d be able to mention her in OTP again soon.

I’m a total gobshite, but I’m starting to believe that old adage ‘silence is golden’. Like bog roll, or legs, silence is taken for granted until it’s gone.

Much like a Mars bar, silence can help you work, rest and play. Ok, maybe not play, unless your game’s chess, which seems rather like work to me, but you get my point. To create artificial silence, the recipe is the following: four beanie-type hats, an amount of tissue paper (as required) and an elastic band. I think assembly is self-obvious. Cutting off blood supply to the head is a risk, but who’d notice?

Silence

SHAKIRA: strangely absent

( L e g e n d )

G

et used to one style and I might switch, as the song goes. And indeed I have switched, for eulogising dead celebrities, massaging the ego of exfootballers and that one shameless bit of self-promotion has become a mite tiring. This issue I focus on an actual, real legend: the Lost City of Atlantis.

American researcher Robert Sarmast claims to have found the fabled kingdom off the coast of Cyprus after a search of the eastern Mediterranean uncovered “evidence of massive, manmade structures”, which includes two fairly long walls, under the sea bed.

Sarmast’s team claims that the walls are of exactly the same dimen-

5

sions as the city-state in the first recorded account of Atlantis by philosopher Plato, who described it as “a land of fabulous wealth, advanced civilisation and natural beauty”, and are planning further investigation. Well, you’d hope so.

Other suggested locations of the submerged settlement include off the coast of Spain, Cuba, the South China Sea and Ireland (this theory presumably involving the city being fucked after the discovery of whisky), but since Plato was Greek I’d say Cyprus was a safer bet.

As for whether I think these discoveries really are the lost city of legend, I will say just this: Dolphins are a lot cleverer than they initially appear.

Just look at Flipper.

The Lost City of Atlantis

M

One Trick Pony

Has he tried looking in space? There’s sometimes an Atlantis there

( T o s s e r )

y three favourite topics for this section are sport, politics and hypocrisy. This combines the three in new and interesting ways – a Tosser goulash, if you will.

This week, I’ll be picking on the Minister for Sport and Tourism, Richard Caborn, for his demands that the Spanish F.A. publicly condemn the behaviour of their fans during last week’s ‘friendly’ match against England in Madrid.

Obviously, I’m not in any way condoning the racist chanting the Spanish fans aimed at England’s black players: such behaviour has absolutely no place in football. I would also like to add that Spain’s domestic league has little or no racism problem.

The reaction of the British cabinet in demanding a public apology from Spain’s governing body is understandable, but it is also hypocritical. Has Mr Caborn seen the way England’s fans behave abroad?

Our government excuses football violence as due to a minority of fans that go looking for trouble, which may be true. But racism amongst our fans is quite normal, as described, if not acknowledged, by Eddie Brimson in his account of his France ’98 experiences Tear Gas and Ticket Touts.

Similar behaviour was also witnessed by friends of mine during the Euro 2004 tournament in Portugal last summer – racist chanting by England fans, despite their being a group of black fans proudly sporting the Three Lions in the same pub.

Richard Caborn MP

“Mind you, I've been here during the bad times too - one year we came second” -Bob Paisley, former Liverpool manager

final thoughts (...)

Our fans are dicks too

“If you can't make decisions in life, you're a bloody menace. You'd be better becoming an MP!” -Bill Shankly, former Liverpool manager

6 Debate

Vegetarianism Emma Langley

Geordie & Mr. Chuffy

FOR

S

urprisingly, I am not going to stick up for all those lovely cute fuzzy poor defenceless animals that are prevented from living joy filled lives skipping merrily through the field. Vegetarianism is another sad example of extremist animal rights psychopaths giving the sense in the argument a bad name.

I am not arguing against killing animals full stop. I’m objecting to the fact that it could call be done is a slightly more humane manner if mass production and profit didn’t dictate the whole world; I would just prefer to eat something that is not a dead body. Yes, the whole human race was brought up eating meat but we’re not cavemen anymore.

Eating dead flesh is pretty gross really. If you’re the sort of person who thinks you’re being really clever by saying that plants have a nervous system too, you’re probably the sort of person that wanks over the Discovery Channel.

So what do you eat? I could never survive without meat is the common argument. Everyone could survive without meat without eating only lettuce leafs. It is surprisingly easy to be a vegetarian in this day and age. There are countless meat substitutes like Quorn. I’m not denying that you sometimes need a bit of substance besides the two veg, but there are so many alternatives.

Lentils, yum. Yes really, lentils do not deserve their stigma. Nor do beans and tofu. Vegetarian food doesn’t mean tasteless: I have even converted my meat loving boyfriend into grudgingly admitting that vegetarian food can actually be good. The problem is that increasingly we are being reared as a nation whose pallet is limited to sausages, chips and burgers and who are too fussy to eat vegetables let alone soya beans. And vegetarianism is cheaper. It’s a complete load of bollocks that you need meat for nutritional value. You might like it, but that is a very different thing.

Check the facts - you can get the protein and vitamins in other food, if you eat a healthy diet. This is the ‘BIG if’ that puts people off vegetarianism.

A good vegetarian diet is just as healthy if not more so that one with meat in. There is no squelch of fat and the song lyric “kidney of a horse, liver of cat filling up the sausages with this and that" springs to mind. GM food protesters can squeal about the attack of the giant killer tomatoes but nobody ever caught CJD from eating them.

All the arguments about vegetarianism are either mindless ignorance or complete laziness. Most of the people who say vegetarian food is shit haven’t got past more than one Linda McCartney sausage. Don’t lynch it until you’ve properly tried it.

AGAINST

A

h, vegetarianism and its usual slogan “Meat is Murder”. No, veggies, murder is murder. Meat is food. Whilst I could live perfectly well on rice and peas if I had to, it’s a bit un-natural. Humans as a species are designed to eat meat – the eyes at the front of the head to better observe prey, rather than the side to avoid predators, and the sharp teeth intended to rip apart flesh (ask any dentist). We evolved eating other animals and who am I to argue with millions of years of evolution. Apologies to the US Bible Belt for reference to evolution as actual scientific fact. (See also www.dontbesofuckingridiculous.com.) This is why I try not to eat anything that didn’t have a mother: it would be, in a way, denying my heritage.

Without over-reliance upon sensationalism, the end of meat consumption would have a catastrophic impact upon society as we know it. Enjoy the aesthetic value of cows? Giggle at the high jinx of those crazy chickens?

Ridicule curly pig tails? These pleasures would be denied, since these animals are plentiful for functional reasons (get in my belly). If they weren’t destined for a Fray Bentos pie they simply would not be bred. Cows cannot even give birth without human assistance (see All Creatures Great and Small). Without financial gain Farmer Giles simply would not be arsed, resulting in no more moo-cows.

The British economy would also suffer. The symbiotic existence of Cathays relies upon the consumption of kebabs. The alcohol-soaking quality of cabbage is virtually non-existent. This bring me nicely to my next point: wind. Clearly, everybody passes gas. But the stuff emitted by consumers of large quantities of vegetables is inexcusably pungent. And it contributes to the Greenhouse Effect – another adverse environmental impact. In your face, Swampy.

Vegetarianism also causes problems for social occasions when the attending party is a veggie/normal person mix, as ‘quality’ vegetarian establishments are (as well as being chuffing expensive for such a pitiful protein-absent feed), apparently, hard to find. This is mostly because meat-free meals tend towards blandness, especially the pre-packaged variety. As for ***** *********, she was a vegetarian, and look what happened to her.

Mr Chuffy

thatsnotfunny@cf.ac.uk

Quench 11 04

7

Mr Chuffy Investigates...

T

Gender Difference: Why Men are not from Mars and Women don’t have a penis

he geographically evocative claim that ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ is a controversial one. Many Marxists argue this to be a systematic fib circulated by the oligarchy, with the sole purpose of maintaining division among the proletariat and consequentially sustaining their oppression. Others, including former Catchphrase presenter Roy Walker, hold the opinion that both inhabit the Earth. Such a claim has met with derision since only worms and magma have ever been found there.

But with over 30% of sex discrimination acts gender motivated, it appears that ignorance is rife and breeding prejudice. Notwithstanding the misleading pseudonym, Chuffy is in fact asexual and thus can safely sit on the gender fence and educate en masse, void of discomfort to either vulva or epididymis.

Despite popular misconceptions, gender did not formally develop until the mid-19 Century when pink garments and cute little dogs became accessible to the wider public.

Previously, the skin-clad tubing used to differentiate the sexes was utilised as an integral part of a ritualistic rain dance. However, following the divisions of gender, the schlong became the male motif and the breast synonymous with no-tails. To define gender based purely upon anatomical disparities though would be too simplistic.

As sex know-it-all Dr Chardonnay Bush explains, there are subtle behavioural and anatomical variations between males and females: “men generally conduct electricity less well, share much of their DNA with shrimps and have an area of the brain called Porno’s Trombone. If you put a man in a room with an antelope he will more than likely try and attack it”.

Conversely, Bush claims “women attract swans, have larger pupils, squeal and have higher fidelity rates due to more brain”. Over the years, the male populace has developed a

rather unsavoury voyeuristic reputation based upon superficial obsessions with the female lactation distributors. However, some evolutionary-theologians argue unfairly so, proposing that men have an attention predisposition to stimulus resembling mountains following the collection of the Ten Commandments by Moses from Mount Sinai. That is, of course, absolute tripe.

Despite the Good Book informing us that Adam gave Eve his bone, the relationship between the sexes has not always been harmonious. Both Darren Day and the Pied Piper have contributed to an uneasy mistrust of the male population. In the 1980s, hundreds of women battled police in violent street clashes following

Woman’s man Thatcherite legislation prohibiting menstruation. A close aid to the ‘Iron Lady’ revealed that her pledge that never would there be another Bloody Sunday had been ‘misunderstood’. Relations continue to be strained with a Court of Appeal decision expected soon on the high profile sex discrimination civil case brought by Hilary Vag against the theatrical company ‘Puppetry of the Penis’. Vag argues she was rejected for a starring role in the West End production based purely upon grounds of sex.

Paradoxically, the distinction between the sexes is becoming blurred. Gender dissatisfaction, known colloquially in the medical fraternity

as ‘The Green-Eyed Growler’, is on the increase and with medical advancements in the use of both scissors and super-glue, gender stability is a thing of the past. The Christmas re-release of the children’s game ‘Operation’ will feature mock hormone treatment and contain a task whereby the player has to provide a male patient with a vagina 20cm in depth. The beclouding of gender is behavioural as well as physiological, with laddettes (sporting Burberry wombs) scaring two shades of shit out of grannies and sensitive guys doing a fair bit of crying. These changes are however accompanied by incidents of gender confusion, with Prince Charles reportedly mistaken for a national postal delivery service (it’s Consignia now – Pedantry Editor).

In these disturbing times of greed, gender is a financial commodity.

Reports are growing of genders being stolen and then sold through the internet at extortionate prices. In the Baltic regions gender theft is big business, with a man from Kiev reportedly owning 43 different genders. Police warn inter-web-net users to “treat with extreme caution” any emails received from their Bank instructing them to send their gender. On a lighter note, sex contortionist Keith Organ can shape his gender into a large array of zoo animals. The self-styled ‘gender bender’ is a big hit at children’s parties but is also available for Bar Mitzvahs and funerals.

Gender can admittedly be a frightening entity. One man in Dudley was allegedly mauled to death by his gender and reports from South East Asia indicate that the giant gender is still at large having recently devastated the Filipino City of Manila. Dorset farmers are still embroiled in legal battles to remove a community of Gypsy Genders from their fields. One outraged Daily Mail reader said “I’m outraged. All those sexes running around and selling pegs; it’s not good for children”. These though are incidents in isolation. Sex need not be an issue as the great Bard once wrote; “every cloud engenders not a storm”.

8

Features

grfeatures@cf.ac.uk

Quench 11 04

Kiss me quick

Intimate candle-lit dinners are a blur of the past in the whirl of speed dating, say Claire Wainwright and Emma Langley

I

It is the latest craze in finding love. And on the run up to Christmas speed dating organisations are busy. Having a different suitor every few minutes takes opportunism to the extreme in festive season. Everyone seems to want someone to snog under the mistletoe be it for a few seconds. It’s the modern phenomenon that is speed dating - every few minutes the whistle blows on an organised game of musical chairs amid mad dashes to the bar during breaks.

The word ‘dating agencies’ conjures up images of desperate, pathetic people who obviously can’t find anyone through the normal channels. Online dating agencies market themselves as investments, and can you believe that there is even a social hierarchy of agencies?

I kid you not: top British and American agencies set admission fees of hundreds of dollars. And there are even the ones that require a photo of you so they can check you are beautiful enough to join.

So what about the word ‘dating’ on its own. Whoever says that they are ‘dating’ somebody in this day and age? Dating either belongs in American high school flicks or has the resonance to it, as when Granny talks about the days when she and Granddad were courting.

But we still talk about having a date tonight. Or do we? The very word ‘date’ suddenly implies some sort if innate formality and significance, maybe too much, which is why we like to dress the idea down into other expressions: ‘going out for a drink, ‘meeting this girl’, or just ‘going out tonight with that guy I met last week’.

So why is speed dating so hip?

This statement is subjective of course, but the word ‘speed’ adds a certain coolness to a traditional idea.

There are also obvious benefits of speed dating: it’s less scary if there are lots of people doing the same thing, you can go with your friends

“They were young, good looking people”

Speed Dating: The quickest way to meet new people and each date only lasts for a few minutes. If one person is just a total disaster it’s not a waste of valuable time and energy. Then you get more than one person to check out, putting the ticks in boxes is a bit like survival of the fittest, many specimens to check out and eliminate. Law of odds says that out of twenty plus dates there will be somebody who tickles your fancy (no dirty puns intended).

Speed dating is everywhere - you can book on-line at literally hundreds of websites for an event in your area, catering for different age groups and

sexual orientation. Cardiff is not an exception and there have even been student speed dating events. Did you ever think that raising money for charity could find you your true love? Well think again. Cardiff University Students’ Union RAG society organised their second sell-out speed dating night, which was held in Gassy Jacks’ last month.

Curiosity finally got to me and I had to go along for a bit of eavesdrop,

Sign on the dotted line...

for pure investigative purposes you understand. And I have to report that all in all it was pretty impressive. As an observer I was pushed to the sidelines and forced to take a backseat in the dating game - time to sit back, relax and contemplate modern dating practice. And, to be frank, it is unlike anything I have ever seen before.

Initially, I was sceptical of the whole thing. What if only two people turned up? What would happen if only girls came? And yes, my innate ethical and equal mind let me down and dared to ponder if we would have a room full of social rejects and nerds.

But to my delight the room was soon filled with young, good looking, normal people. There seemed to be no evidence of possible mass murderers, psychos or bunny boilers. There wasn’t even the expected long lost cousin of Quasimodo. Surely not! But it’s true; speed dating attracts regular people who just want to have a laugh and maybe meet someone nice.

So, you ask, what happened?

Did a deathly silence engulf the room when the first whistle was blown signalling the start of the first three minute date?

The answer is no. There were some cheesy chat-up lines and flirtatious glances surreptitiously thrown over the tops of pint glasses, but, for the most part, people were already deep in conversation before the RAG organisers blew their whistles.

I couldn’t help wondering what people would talk about in three minutes - after all there’s a lot more that can be achieved in that period of time.

Just ask Rod Stewart. I mean, you can’t talk about the weather - we’re in Wales and, let’s face it, it’s always raining. It would take about 54 seconds to swap names, age, what course you’re on, and one interesting fact about yourself.

What would you say to sell yourself to a prospective mate? Bra size?

Genital length? How about a three

Features 9 minute conversation about bacon sandwiches? There are a plethora of questions to ask here as I found out: I wasn’t eavesdropping, just simply overheard from my station on the ‘taken’ windowsill. Bread or toast?

Brown or red sauce? Crispy or juicy bacon? I’m sure a psychologist would read something deep and meaningful into this.

However, this was not the only biscuit to be taken. A personal favourite was when a girl told me she was asked “which breast do you prefer, right or left?” Hmmm - I bet he pulled.

Or, if you do come against that brick wall of stony silence, when your mind is a blank canvas, you could always throw in the popular conversation opener: “We live in an age of modern technology where doors are now open to us.” That might work. Or not.

It seems however, some conversations went incredibly well, leaving some girls slightly light-headed (Due to lurrve or wine? Who knows?) and guys slapping their friends on their backs, exchanging knowing winks.

Many people would have had smiles on their faces when they next checked their emails as more than a few matches resulted from the night. Any that went beyond the first, or should I say second, date? No idea? Call me an old romantic but some where out there, I’d like to think so.

Your New Year’s Resolutions!

We are looking for contributors to write about any original or unusual New Year’s Resolutions. Email between 300-400 words to grfeatures@cf.ac.uk before Friday January 21. We will print the best six submissions.

Include: ✔The reaons behind your resolution? ✔If you’ve stuck to it so far? ✔If not, why not?

Wise men don’t make New Year Resolutions

10 Features

Santa’s Elves

Without them, boys and girls would have no toys on Christmas day. Hannah Perry salutes the brains and muscle behind the festive season

G

ood old Daddy C (that’s Mr. Christmas to you) is the celebrity of the festive season.

The reindeers get their fair share of press coverage too. Even though he is portrayed as an over-looked, misunderstood victim, Rudolph revels in the attention of having a whole song dedicated to his glory. Not even Chancer and Prancer can say that.

While they all take centre-stage for a few days each year, their job descriptions leave a lot of room for sunning themselves in Fiji the rest of the time. It’s actually all

the little elves who do the hard slog.

Think about it – it takes a long time to make toys for all of the girls and boys in the world. Almost as soon as they have sent out the last batch of the season, they have to start planning for next year.

You may think that there’s no rest for the wicked, but Bee’bub is probably up to his eyeballs in gluttony and sloth, and those tireless elves are beavering away.

Most commonly known as ‘the little people who look a bit like Noddy’, the elves are generally reluctant to enter the limelight. Apart from the odd supporting role in a Christmas movie they remain the ‘stage crew’ of the performance. The brains behind the operation, if you will.

The one exception to this rule is Patch (best known for his appearance in the film Santa Claus). He came out of the shadows to show everyone just what incredibly inventive minds they have up there in the North Pole. Come on, lollipops that make you fly! Even Mattel haven’t managed that, have they!

Even though they wanted the world to see how closely they work with Santa, and how vital they are to the smooth operation of Christmas, the fallibility of Patch as a character is testament to the elves’ trademark modesty.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, the elves have proven to be an extremely organized sector of society. There are not many minorities who have the gumption to form a professional association. There are even fewer who can give that association its very own embroidered badge.

I also firmly believe that not enough people admire the elves’ avant garde fashion sense. Their knack for blending primary and secondary colours is frankly impeccable.

They were mixing stripes and tartan before Vivian Westwood was out of short trousers (or should that be corsets). Sartorially, one has to admit, they stand alone.

One possible reason for them being so over-looked is that it is very hard to get to know an elf on a personal level.

When I tried to interview one of the merry band for this feature, they very politely declined to comment.

However, what they did say was extremely revealing.

Present-packer, Alfie, said that he was not at liberty to divulge classified details of this year’s operation, but did refer me to his supervisor. He was articulate, polite and trustworthy. All good qualities, I think you’ll agree.

The supervisor, Tixie, was keen to tell me all about her husband and two children (one boy, on girl, both hoping to enter the family business), but was reluctant to enter into a discussion about her career.

On the whole, I have learned that they are a modest, hard-working group, free from prejudice or discrimination.

On Christmas eve, I will still leave a mince pie out for Santa, but from now on I will put a little bag of sweets beside it for him to take back to his elves.

Sleep tight!

Features 11

Suzanne Forward discovers the truth behind such dreams as ‘going to Tesco in the nude’ and ‘the boyfriend and the pencil’ What is dreaming?

In ancient times, dreams were said to be messages of desire or despair from Gods and demons. Some people thought that having a bad dream meant a curse had been put upon you.

In the early 1900’s, Sigmund Freud wrote The Interpretation of Dreams, in which he discussed the meanings behind dreams. He claimed that sleep is a psychological process that presents the world in a form different from reality.

Dreams disguise the repressed wishes and desires of the individual. Freud would examine the symbolic (or manifest) content of his patient’s dreams, and then explore the real (latent) meaning behind them.

Freud: looks like a chimp

I

t is an activity that we all participate in, something that completely confuses our minds.

We rarely remember them, and when we do recollect some of them, they usually contain some elaborate situation that we would never believe we joined in with. No, we’re not talking about being wasted after Come Play on a Saturday night, but dreams. About a third of our lifetime is spent asleep, and most of this is spent dreaming. So what happens to trigger these fantasies?

Nightmares!

Some of life’s scariest moments can appear in nightmares. Thankfully, I rarely recall them, though I do remember one I had when I was a child.

I was in my local shopping centre, being chased down the street by rocks. Luckily, I always woke up just before the biggest one rolled over me.

Psychologists think that nightmares are a way of solving problems so that we are less anxious the next day.

Freud believed that previously repressed anxieties are brought to life during dreams, these anxieties often taking the form of nightmares.

Themes: One memorable occasion was back in school, when a particularly loud friend of mine announced to our psychology class that she had had a dream featuring my boyfriend and a pencil!

We spent the whole lesson working out that, according to Freud, this dream meant that she fancied my boyfriend (pencil means penis), causing me to curl up into a little ball of embarrassment!

The themes that arise most in dreams are anxiety and fear.

Some theorists believe that when fear is repressed during the day it comes out, in dream form, at night.

Another theme is embarrassment (such as going to Tesco and forgetting you’re naked!). This signifies your weaknesses and insecurities about your sexuality.

Dreams are not the result of having too many E-numbers the day before. Actually, they let your brain inform you of your hidden desires and wishes.

It is impossible to examine precisely how and why this process occurs, because there have been so many theories relating to dreams.

One thing is for sure: dreams are nothing to be scared of, because they can’t hurt you. Well, not that much anyway!

12 T r a v e l

grtravel@cf.ac.uk

Quench 11 04

Namibia: Much more than dust and sand

In our Africa special Marielle Smith explores Namibia, confronting lions and trapdoor spiders along the way.

Spitzkoppe

I

t’s 3.45am and the loud whispering of “Do not leave your tent, there’s a lion in the camp” is accompanied by the tent being shaken violently. In the darkness I am suddenly alert to the African wilderness that is now entering our campsite.

A quarter of an hour ago, I’d just been to the toilet. Just a little later, and I could have had a rather closer wildlife encounter than even I would have wanted. My ears strain to hear the slightest sound and I’m sure I hear paws padding on the sand just next to the tent.

At daybreak, we examine the maze of footprints that weave through our camp. A lion had jumped over one of the fences, and at one point, had walked right past my tent. This is Etosha National Park, situated in northern Namibia, the first park we had visited since leaving Cape Town on the over-land tour a week and half ago. We couldn’t have hoped for a better introduction to the bush. Namibia was probably the most varied country I visited on the overland trip: from the dry, surrealist landscape of the Namib Desert, to the eerie Skeleton coast and finally the lush landscape of Etosha National Park.

Our first main stop in Namibia was the breath-taking landscape of the Namib Desert, where we climbed the famous dune 45 in time to watch the sun rise. The series of dunes that make up the Namib Desert is unlike anything I have ever seen before; as the sun came up colours changed from deep reds and pinks, through to ochres and yellows, highlighting different shapes and patterns. Indeed, much of Namibia consists of dust and sand, reaching all the way to the horizon. So desolate, but strangely beautiful in its vastness. However, you would be wrong in thinking the dunes are devoid of life: our guide, a San bushman showed us ‘trap-door’ spiders that make entrances at the top of the sand to tunnels sometimes descending metres into the dunes. There were also many different species of beetles and lizards, flitting away from us across the sand.

About 300km further north lies Spitzkoppe, a giant granite mountain (1728m) surrounded by a series of smaller domes. Together, they produce an awesome landscape – massive outcrops in the middle of an endless flat, bare plain. It would be difficult to get much more remote than this – our truck was the only one for miles around, and even that became just a speck after climbing one of the smaller mountains. We set up camp, and slept in a cool silent cave at the foot of a small outcrop.

Namibia is a huge country, but with only two people per kilometre it has one of the lowest population densities in Africa. In fact, we drove for days without passing any other vehicles on the road at all. It came as a bit of a shock to return to civilisation when we stopped at the coastal town of Swakopmund.

Out of the seemingly never-ending Namibian dust and sand, Swakopmund appeared abruptly impossible in Britain with our sprawling towns. This is one of the country’s biggest towns and has a strong German influence, so much so, that some are reported to have said (regarding the architecture) that it is more German than Germany. It is also the country’s main centre for extreme sports, such as sand-boarding, sky-diving, and quad biking. Germans were the main colonisers in this area, but the country gained independence in 1990, under the leadership of the country’s first (and current) president, Sam Nujoma. He is due to step down in March, and elections have just been held (November 15 and 16) to decide his successor. Although Nujoma rewrote the constitution in 1999 allowing him to be re-elected for another term as president, Namibia has remained stable compared to many African countries.

With such a great variety of sights and experiences to be had, Namibia is well worth a visit.

Marielle arranged a 6 week over-land trip from Cape Town (South Africa) to Nairobi (Kenya).

There are many over-landing companies that traverse Africa. They all use robust trucks that can handle the rough African roads, and usually involve camping. Over-landing provides a safe way to travel around large sections of the continent at a time, as well as the opportunity to meet other travellers. A tour like this costs around £1,650, excluding spending money.

Going Wild

Tr a v e l

13

Zoe Baldock gets a chance to talk to the animals working in a research centre in Kenya.

T

he research centre was absolutely beautiful. Meals were served on the dining hall veranda, overlooking vast expanses of bush and mountains.

The other researchers at the centre were keen to show me what they did, and I was soon busy trapping snakes and making lizards out of plasticine (a sound method of biological testing apparently).

Later in the week I was sent out on the Wild Dog Project, radio tracking dogs that had been previously caught and collared. Being my first time out in the bush on foot, the researcher gave me a quick run down on what to do if we came across any wild animals: lion don’t run; herbivore - run; elephant or buffalo - run very fast. Creeping through the bush keeping one eye out for wild dogs and another eye out for predators was a surreal experience, but well worth while when we tracked down these beautiful, and very shy, creatures.

That afternoon I was taken to see a three-month-old elephant that had died on the ranch. Its mother was shot by Kenya Wildlife Services after killing a woman and her baby as they passed between nearby villages. The research centre managers have often made trips to Nairobi with baby elephants in the back of the truck, to take them to the elephant orphanage, but this one could not be saved. It was a sad, but privileged encounter.

Another morning was spent ringing birds, which involved being up before dawn to catch the birds as they left their nests, so I set off well before the sun rose to meet the researchers.

It’s one thing walking alone at night in a city, it’s quite another to be wandering around alone in the bush in the dark; the only light was from my failing torch, and the prospect of meeting a

hungry hyena is enough to make anybody run! But we finished working in time to sit and watch the sun coming up over Mount Kenya.

We headed up to Samburu, Buffalo Springs and Shaba – three National Parks located next to each other.

We found a beautiful campsite by the river in Samburu, but it didn’t take long for the baboons to find us. The guidebooks warn about these animals; they’re clever little buggers, and get quite aggressive if they don’t find what they’re looking for.

They still weren’t frightened away when one unfortunate monkey got hit by a flying saucepan, so we fled the campsite and vowed never to return without a slingshot and plenty of ammunition.

Buffalo Springs was a bit more peaceful. We spent an afternoon loafing around in the water, surrounded by herds of antelope, zebra, and buffalo – a rather different experience to teetering on a lilo off the beaches of Faliraki.

Back in Nairobi, we hit

Saucepans? Bring it on!

the Masai Market in the capital to do some bartering (a lot easier if you’ve picked up a bit of Kiswahili) before I headed back to England armed with gifts aplenty and about six thousand films to be developed!

Achoo!

run” t ’ n o d “Lion

14 T r a v e l Battle of The Home Towns: Exeter.

Gary Andrews Media Officer and dogsb ody.

Exeter in three words : Attractive, unhurried an d friendly.

Things you never knew about Exeter: The Queen’s grandson , Peter Phillips, did his degree at Exeter Uni, as did Will Young and Thom Yorke.

Excess Baggage Best Bar: The Bowling Green - eve rything the student could ever need.

Club: Timepiece - constantly good music that isn’t chart or cheese.

Shop: Martian Records.

Worst Club: Hothouse - full of unde rage chavs and terrible music .

Shops: The usual high street bollocks.

Must do: Watch Exeter City. If, bizarrely, that isn’t you r thing, hire out a rowing boat and ride the canal down to the Double Locks pub.

Posh or Pants: The Oxbridge rejects all come here, so posh.

Everything you ever wanted to know.

Q: I fancy following in Marielle’s footsteps and doing an overlander - where can I find out more?

A: The web is a great resource for information and inspiration. Contiki offer more than 100 overland bus tours in the US, Canada, Europe, Africa and Australasia for 18-35-year-olds.

Accommodation and sightseeing are included. www.contiki.com www.encounter-overland.com organise trips of 2-26 weeks across Africa, Asia and South America. Trips are inexpensive with extra activities “Wildside adventures” such as rafting and climbing priced separately. Full details online.

Others to check out: www.exodus.co.uk www.suntrek.com www.trekamerica.com

ys? a d li o -h o c e h it w -i to ie Do you se aims uth African initiative A ground breaking So le whose land, natural peop are to ensure that: “The owledge and culture m kn r, ou lab s, rce fro resou fit ne be lly tivities actua used for tourist ac ” m. touris g travachieved by certifyin These high aims are ng to six ati rel ia ter cri fil ful t el establishments tha ct, reliability, transparenpe areas: democracy, res most importantly, “fair d, an ity bil ina sta su cy, cipants ans that “all parti ir fair share,” which me the t activity should ge involved in a tourism to their in direct proportion e, om inc share of the tivity.” contribution to the ac ed on the website and rtis ve ad are Holidays gueston in a traditional include accommodati age of Masakala, near vill jects house in the rural invited to visit local pro Matatiele. Guests are rs. and meet local crafte k out: For more details chec za rg. a.o ms ris tou air www.f

then t more involved If you want to ge ks to numerous organers lin projwww.gapyear.com off gap year and holiday ge an arr t tha isations ceects among them. nce.com offers pla www.EcoAfricaExperie t National Park where phan ments at the Aldo Ele ongoing research of the ir the h wit lp he n you ca native d other species of African elephant an the wildlife. your thing then maybe at.

If elephants aren’t your bo at flo uld wo on ati O.R.C.A Marine found ting dive es range from assis Volunteer programm mmunity co lping with their research teams to he Programmes are priced e. outreach programm r weeks. fou for 0 50 £2 d of un aro three different areas ive ha om www.i-to-i.c un mm co d , conservation an placements: building t in the ngside nurses, assis e for alo rk wo n ty. You ca ntr ce n of a Rehabilitatio day-to-day operation ing of int pa d an ing ild h the bu monkeys or help wit pe Town. a settlement near Ca

I n t e r v ie w

gairrhydd@cf.ac.uk

Quench 11 04

15

Some good advice

Robbie Lane fulfilled a long held fantasy (or, at least part of it) when he met up with Girls Aloud Based on the consistent success of their singles, it looks as if the album won’t go the way of Hear’say’s infamous Everybody, which failed to make the top 20 albums, and saw their pop careers come to an abrupt end.

However, the girls are clearly aware of

"We’re not politicians, we’re popstars" -Cheryl Tweedy

the fickle industry they are working within, and remain realistic about the future. "We’ve always said we’re just going to take each day as it comes, and never try and make plans, just see how it goes", says 21-year-old Cheryl Tweedy. "From the beginning we didn’t really expect anything." Kimberley, who was a student in Leeds for two years before she was offered a place in the band, agrees; "We just take it single by single really. We never know what’s going to happen, but we’re still here so that’s good".

After Busted pledged their allegiance to the Conservative Party earlier this year, I decide to find out if Girls Aloud will be using their pulling power to sway voters at the General Election.

The response is unanimous. "We don’t do politics", say Nicola (Roberts) and Kimberley in unison. "We’re not politicians, we’re popstars", adds Cheryl.

Sarah though, comes closer to voicing a policy

than most politicians, when she suggests "abolish all speed cameras".

Despite their previous success with Christmas singles, Girls Aloud won’t be competing with the Band Aid single this year. "No, we haven’t really got time," says Kimberley, "the new album’s out on the 29th, so we’re going to be promoting that up until Christmas, and then I think we need a little rest".

"A little rest?" Nicola (Roberts) sounds concerned. "A long rest" suggests Nadine. Sarah Harding agrees, claiming "tiredness" is the only downside to their chosen careers.

In 2003, as part of their endless schedule of touring and promotion, Girls Aloud visited the Great Hall, performing for the Students’ Union Christmas Ball. "I liked the Cardiff crowd", remarks Nadine, before adding "and we had vodka before we went onstage." So would they return to the Cardiff Union?

"We’d like to come back again, if you’ll have us," says Kimberley. I offer to pay the fee myself.

So, after a Christmas Number One, and what will seemingly be a second successful album, what is left for a pop group to achieve? "We’ve got more goals", assures Sarah. Kimberley agrees, "We’ve got a long way we can go." Cheryl though, expresses the group’s full ambition. "When we’ve sold a million albums, we might be happy then."

Photo: Robbie Lane

“WE STARTED at four and we’ll get home about eight," says 23-year-old Kimberley Walsh, with remarkable perkiness. By the time I meet up with Girls Aloud, they have already appeared on GMTV in London, travelled to Cardiff, and completed two other interviews. Now, at lunchtime, they prepare themselves for an afternoon of meeting hysterical fans and continued press interrogation.

Although the large quantities of coffee may be helping, their smiles and energy appear genuine. I suggest they become students for a shorter day, but for five girls that are living out their lifelong dreams, it’s clearly not something they would give up in a hurry.

It is now nearly two years since Girls Aloud were formed and immediately became the first ever group to achieve a Christmas Number One with their first single, Sound of the Underground.

Now, the girls are attempting to take another step away from the stigma of the programme that brought them together-2002’s Popstars: The Rivalswith the release of their second album, What Will the Neighbours Say. The new album, released on November 29, sees an increased creative input from the band with each member having written one of the fourteen tracks.

"That was really important", says Nadine Coyle. "Some of the girls especially were really looking forward to writing and doing that whole side of things and they got the chance on this album."

Girls Aloud (L-R): Cheryl, Kimberly, Nicola, Nadine and Sarah. Spot the dog

16

Interview

Life Lessons

Critically acclaimed director of A Way of Life Amma Asante talks candidly to Film Desk’s Tom Seaman

A

Way of Life is a film that bucks against expectation. You wouldn’t predict a narrative that opens with a vicious racially motivated beating, to be at times poignant, and even touching. The film manages to deal with the weighty issues of teenage motherhood and small town rascism, whilst never reducing its protagonists to two dimensional stereotypes.

Amma Asante, the film’s debutant writer-director, belies the hatred and bile that inflects her film with her soft spoken geniality. For one she has made a cutting insight into Welsh small town life, when she herself hails from Streatham in London. She is also a young black woman making waves in a British film industry dominated by the paunch endowed, white-male establishment.

Unfazed by the rapturous critical reception her debut has received, or the fact that it opened the Welsh Film Festival, she has the air of a woman in control. With a predominately teenage cast of unknowns this incredibly assured first time director has crafted a classic narrative of poverty and existence. But why has this chic South Londoner chosen Wales?

When you look deeper at A Way of Life, it isn’t so hard to see why this story of racial tension in provincial Wales attracted Asante. The tale of desperate young mother Leigh–Ann Williams (Stephanie James), and her

“I wanted this film to be a primal scream: a universal scream of the young and the disillusioned” pitch battle with her Turkish neighbour Hassan (Oliver Hadden), deals with universal issues of identity, and the wilful ignorance of other races.

The child of Ghanaian immigrants who moved to London in the 60s, the dilemma of identity is clearly a theme Asante identifies with. She grew up in Streatham, an area that when she was growing up in the late 70s and early 80s, was far from cosmopolitan and multi-racial: "At the time we were quite isolated as a black family because there was not a lot of people around at the time that looked like us."

She cites the Bradford riots as a moment of inspiration for A Way of Life, “There was a period when young black youth in Brixton were rioting, they were feeling alienated and isolated, frustrated by the way they were being treated. I really understood the way they were feeling. I had a brother who was about ten years older and was experiencing the sharp end of the problems.” Asante points out that "the white kids were saying the same things as the Asian kids." Or in the world of A Way of Life, "the young white protagonists are just as isolated as the character of Hassan."

There are clearly autobiographical elements, pieces of Asante herself, in the characters’ fight for identity in A Way of Life: "I struggle to define myself sometimes; I struggle to define my nationality. I really don’t know what it is that allows you to define your nationality. The question arises in the film when Leigh-Ann says to Hassan, ‘Show some respect, you’re in someone else’s country’, and he retorts, ‘I’ve been in this country for 30 years, how long have you been here for?’”

The difference with Asante and her film is that she is attempting to broaden the horizons of racial debate and not simply restrict it to a critique of one racial origin over the other. “I was really interested in the ideas of isolation and exclusion not being entirely exclusive to colour. I really don’t know what it is that allows you to say I’m Welsh, or I’m English? Is it because you’ve been in the country for a really long time or is it because you’ve got generations of family that have been born in the country? I can’t answer those questions in many ways but I wanted to put the questions out there."

It is Assante’s refusal to allow easy judgements to be made of her characters that makes A Way of Life such a compelling, and at times, uncomfortable watch. "The script is very much the film what you see on the big screen, but it could have been interpreted in a different way and been even harsher. What was important to me was that these characters must have tender moments, and must say things that you identify with as a viewer so that you have a level of understanding of what they are going through. I think that one of the ways for audiences to connect with difficult characters is to watch them being tender."

The films finest scenes are when the moments of tenderness are juxtaposed with mindless hatred. When Leigh-Ann watches Hassan and his daughter play as he washes his van, you can see that Leigh-Ann is touched by the tenderness between father and daughter, a tenderness missing from her own relationship with her abusive stepfather. The following shot of her pushing her pram past the van, maliciously scratching a key down the lovingly scrubbed paintwork perfectly highlights the harsh but tender existence of the film’s protagonists.

In keeping with this dichotomous depiction of its characters, the film’s style also pulls in two directions. On the one hand it shows gritty urban squalor, but it is also infused with a painter’s eye

for colour and beauty. Asante ties the film’s visual style with the need to show the positive in her characters: "I wanted to reflect those tender moments of beauty, of emotional beauty, with a beautiful aesthetic. These characters have so much potential really, they are funny, they have hope, they have dreams, they can love, they have everything to give to society in many ways but they cannot find a way to express that. I wanted this film to be a primal scream: a universal scream of the young and the disillusioned, people who are looking to have their voices heard."

She continues by reflecting on the poignancy of her characters’ inability to see this beauty: "Often when there is deep poverty there is deep beauty as well. But to be able to acknowledge that is the luxury of those who have less to worry about; those who are not concerned with where the next meal is coming from. And that is one of the things that I was trying to reflect on screen, in the style and look of the film."

“I wanted to reflect those tender moments of beauty, of emotional beauty, with a beautiful aesthetic” Visual style is one thing, but A Way of Life would be nothing without the terrifyingly real performances of its young cast. They were drawn from casting sessions that took in over 700 young actors from schools and drama classes all around Wales.

Asante describes the experience of seeing the ability of each performer as being immediate: "It is really interesting when you find the right actors; it’s like when you walk into the house or the flat that you are going to live in. You only have to see the corridor and you just know that it’s right. It was about finding something in all of them that was the seed of the characters

Stephanie James as Leigh Anne in A Way Of Life

Interview 17

Amma Asante: Beautifully talented that I knew could grow into something more. Each of them had that in some kind of odd indefinable way."

Her approach to her young cast was informed by her own career in front of the camera, as a young actress in Grange Hill. She dismisses her acting ability, and notes the fact that in television serials, a character often lacks context for their performance: "I remember when I was a young actor I would get my script and I’d flick to the bits where I was in it, and I wouldn’t even know until I watched the episode why this person had said something to me. I think that this contributed towards me being a horrendous actress."

As a result, the shooting of A Way of Life was preceded by extensive workshop rehearsals, where the actors could all get to know each other. She comments that, "I didn’t want all of the actors knowing that they were so talented and a great way to alleviate that would be for them to learn about their characters and each others."

To have a writer/director so alert to the visual elements of her medium, and at the same time be so aware of how to elicit great performances from her cast, is a commendable and envious ability.

She notes the early work of Stephen Frears as her main influence, and compares A Way of Life to My Beautiful Laundrette, her favourite example of his work. Amma Asante has crafted an audacious piece of work with A Way Of Life. It is a pleasure to find a British director so eager to explore issues that extend beyond Notting Hill or the überchic of London town.

A Way of Life directed by Amma Asante is on general release now.

18

F a s h i o n

Quench 11 04

grfashion@cf.ac.uk

Get into fashion

Want to work in the fashion industry, but have know idea how to make it big? Quench finds some answers from those who have been there, done it, designed, modelled and written about the t-shirt

Deconstructing design It’s taken a while, but Kate Wilding and Simon Marks have arrived. Perri Lewis talks to Cardiff’s design elite

T

hey’ve been ‘discovered’ by Elle and Dazed and Confused and ‘loved’ by top designer David Emanuelle. Despite all the hype, the brains behind Drop Dead Budgie still have their feet firmly on the ground.

It’s been three years since Kate and Simon took the risk of opening their own shop. They have no regrets and say that, “while a regular job may have been easier, the easiest route is not always the best. It’s been a lot of hard work, but at the end of the day, at the age of 24, we’re our own bosses running a business that we completely love.”

Like all good designers, it is their passion for clothes that drives them. Kate says that what they sell is “largely based on intuition, but is backed up by trend information and the training we have from our textile degrees.”

Their advice to aspiring designers is: “stick to your convictions and work hard.

Take on board any advice you are given, but only act on what you think is relevant. Love what you do because it won’t work if you get bored with it. Do not let your business become a job.” Drop Dead Budgie, Upstairs at Cardiff Antique Centre, 10 - 12 Royal Arcade, The Hayes, Cardiff

Model behaviour Premier modelling agency offer their advice to those who want to get in front of the camera

1.

Never pay to join an agency.

A respected firm will get models started with portfolios, photography and grooming.

2.

Check that the agency you are looking into is accredited and reputable. If approached on the street, make sure that they have an affiliation with an agency. Always check for references.

3.

The fashion modelling ‘uniform’ is normally 5’8 to 5’11, 34-24-34. Use this as a gauge if you are between the ages of 14 and 21. A reputable agency will not encourage someone to lose weight or try plastic surgery to fit the bill.

Bowho boyos 4.

B

Josie Beckett and Camilla Bolton wanted to start their own fashion label. So they did

owho is proof that sheer determination can make things happen. The fashion label, created by two Cardiff graduates, is going from strength to strength after only a couple of months.

This term they have held two very successful stalls in the Union, selling handmade clothes, bags and accessories and have many events planned for the future months. "We’re getting a lot of work for the ball season at the moment from people who want something more individual. Everything we sell is handmade, so every piece is different. Lots of girls want us to design a bag to match their dress because they just can’t find one in the shops.”

They have big plans for the future. "After Christmas we’re going to branch out into mens wear and produce printed t-shirts and A handmade Bowho skirt sweaters. From then on we want to focus on finding premises." Bowho is stocked at Drop Dead Budgie. For more information email josiebeck55@hotmail.com or cambolton@hotmail.com Perri Lewis

When promoting yourself to agencies there is no need to get professional photos taken. Snapshots from a disposable camera will do. Ensure that you look natural; no heavy make-up, overstyled hair or animated poses.

Include headshots, profiles, smiles and full length shots, but no nudes.

Wear form-fitting clothes that show your arms and legs off.

5.

Although it seems very glamorous, modelling is really hard work. Be prepared for lots of rejection and roaming the street before you land that big job.

6.

While agencies expect models to take their work seriously and take care of themselves, remember to have fun on the way.

Pretty in Penarth Catherine Zeta Jones and Charlotte Church aren’t Wales’ only beauties

L

ife is about to change for Penarth’s Clare Thomas. Exam worries have taken a back seat because she has just taken part in one of the high street’s biggest modelling competitions.

Scouted by Premier agents as she shopped in Miss Selfridge, she made it to the final 12 young women who competed for the title ‘Miss Selfridge 2005’.

Her place in the final came as a huge shock. “I had never considered modelling before, but would definitely like to do it again. I had to convince myself that it was the Clare Thomas, finalist right thing to do but now I’m for Miss Selfridge 2005 glad that I listened to all the people telling me to go for it because the experience was a very positive one.”

Clare Thomas; remember her name because the next time you see her, she may be the face Dahl: also scouted on the street of your favourite designer.

Experience necessary Lucy Hutchings discovers that work experience is the key to starting out in the cruel world of fashion journalism

E

mbarking on a career in the fashion world seems a rather daunting feat, unless you have an aunt at Vogue, a degree from St. Martins or are best friends with Kate Moss. Unfortunately, it is an industry that is all about knowing the appropriate people or being in the right place at the right time.

Realistically, if you want to get into fashion journalism, the key is to do unpaid work experience.

Last summer I spent two weeks on The Daily Telegraph fashion desk, working harder than I have ever done in my life, yet earning nothing.

Although I didn’t come out of it with any hard cash, the contacts I made and the experiences I had will be invaluable. All the members of the Telegraph team started their careers in work experience: Sarah Baker, a fashion assistant of two years, graduated from the London College of Fashion in 2001, then did unpaid work at Marie Claire, The Observer, Exposure PR and Harpers and Queen before landing a job at The Telegraph.

This may seem a rather tedious process, but it serves as an important training ground to initiate you into the world of fashion journalism.

You’ll learn pretty quickly whether this is a career you are suited to or not.

Find out which publications offer work experience and what criteria they have. Many magazines don’t offer any places, while some only offer them to fashion students. The next stage is to contact them, mentioning any fashion or writing experience you have. Places fill fast, so if you want to slot work experience into your holidays, send letters out early and try to be as flexible as possible.

Work experience may not be the most glamorous initiation into the world of Vogue, but it teaches you the basic tasks that have to be learnt before you can step into an office and work in fashion. At the Telegraph I spent a huge amount of time in the fashion cupboard which, although being surrounded by rails of Marc Jacobs, Vivienne Westwood and Chloe, was the scene of the most menial tasks. These were mainly packing up the mountains of clothes that had been used in shoots, sending them back and filling out all the relevant paperwork.

To make the most of your work experience, you need to be efficient and determined. Hilary told me that the problem with most work experience placements is that they drift around the office not really knowing what to do, asking every so often if

Fashion

19

Advice from the professionals

By Hadley Freeman, Deputy fashion editor, The Guardian I would strongly advise anyone wanting to get into fashion journalism to do as much work experience as possible, whether it be on a glossy magazine or a grubby daily newspaper. Not only will it give you an indication of whether you do actually want to pursue this career, it gets your name known to people in the industry. Also, read as much as possible on a good breadth of styles, whether it’s fashion journalism or fashion history. But most of all, remember that fashion is fun: if it ever stops being so for you, that is the time to find something else. anyone has a job for them. To do well and gain the respect and trust of the team, you almost have to anticipate what they need doing and get on with it, even if it is just getting everyone cups of tea when you have a break between jobs.

Work experience is hard work, but if you want to be involved in fashion journalism, even the menial tasks will hold an element of excitement. After wrapping up my 30th designer dress of the morning, the thrill of packing up couture Chanel never really wore off.

The value it holds for your CV is priceless and the people you meet are not only great contacts for the future, but can also provide important advice on what route you should take in furthering your career.

The fashion cupboard: be prepared to spend a lot of time there

20

G a y

grgay@cf.ac.uk

Quench 11 04

STRAIGHT ALK

Quench readers tell us how homosexuality has affected their lives. grgay@cf.ac.uk

By Ian Loynd Gay Editor

W

e must aplaud the honesty with which this Quench reader has told her story. It is a strong indication of how one person’s struggle with their identity can affect those around them.

It is important to remember that cross dressing and homosexuality are not linked. Words such as “...not only bisexual but...” imply that bisexuality is a negative thing.

Stories such as this reinforce the damaging stereotypes which have stigmatised LGB people for generations. It illustrates, however, that objectivity is often victim to our own emotions.

Adultery is damaging to the family unit. It breeds lies and distrust.

It cannot be excused but we must understand the unparalleled pressure that LGB people feel when coming to terms with their sexuality.

Do not believe that there is nobody who can listen to and advise you. Information on counselling and support is available from the Health Centre on Park Place.

Your contributions are, as always, welcome.

L

ast year I found out my estranged father was not only bisexual but also a transvestite.

In a busy pub - during a heart to heart - my mother was trying to explain why my dad could act like such an uncaring bastard. Finally she blurted it out, the main reason why he had left almost ten years previously.

After one argument too many he admitted to having had relationships with men outside the marriage, having a preference for women’s clothing and being unsure of his sexual inclination in general.

My dad is the last person you would imagine having tendencies to wear women’s clothes. He isn’t flamboyant. His idea of excitement is a game of cards and some new shoes and he is a councillor for a borough in Surrey. Basically he is as straight laced as they come.

When I first heard this, my brain’s way of coping was picturing my dad as Eddie Izzard. I don’t know why, as he isn’t as funny.

But there is no inbuilt shock mechanism to prepare you for news like this and I still cant get my head around it. Although it does in a way explain why my dad is as screwed up as they come, he was and still is repressing something of mammoth soap opera qualities. The worst thing is that I don’t feel anyone else would understand it if I tried to talk to them about it. I have tried but nobody knows what to say, instead they just pat you on the back and offer to buy you another drink.

He still doesn’t know I know this secret of his, and attempt-

Eddie Izzard: Helping me cope ing to talk about it would result in him not paying my tuition fees. But I feel like if we were able to, maybe we could attempt to have a relationship that wasn’t built on lies and disappointments. Maybe.

Reviews

Quench 11 04

21

...and all that jazz razzle-dazzles Cardiff @ New Theatre 8th - 20th November

S

at in the audience, staring at a plain black stage, I waited in anticipation for the spectacular theatre production that had inspired the academy-award-winning feature film. Suddenly, a woman strutted on stage and announced that we were “about to see a story of murder, greed, violence, corruption, exploitation, adultery, treachery… all the things we hold near and dear to our hearts.” BOOM! The curtain retreated, to reveal a boogying band accompanied by dancing divas. The story had begun.

For those not in the know, the show is set in 1920s Chicago (funnily enough). At the centre of the tale is the morally absent, attention-seeking Roxie Hart (played by Claire Taylor).

Obsessed with Jazz dancers and the showbiz scene, she is swept into an affair under the belief that this encounter will deliver her into the business she desires so greatly.

When she discovers her lover was lying - BANG! He’s dead. The focus of the musical is upon Roxie’s trial, how she is going to persuade the jury to

The cast say a big “hello”

find her not guilty and how this in turn will lead her into the glitteringly corrupt world of jazz fame. Besides serving as pure entertainment, the plot explores contemporary issues such as how society thrives on crime as a source of morbid entertainment.

“I found myself envying the beautiful ladies prancing about in bras and fishnets”

that it was hard to sit still in your seat. The cast were entertainers in every sense of the word, with the ability to completely razzle dazzle the audience. I could not help but notice the sexy black attire on display. I found myself envying the beautiful ladies prancing about in bras and fishnets while shamelessly ogling the

Each of the characters is bursting at the seams with personality. There is Velma (Rachel Stanley) the sassy dancer and Mama (Jacqui Rae), the manipulative prison matron. Billy Flynn (Cavin Cornwall) is the deceptive hotshot lawyer that reinvents lives and never loses a case. Not to forget soppy hubby Amos (Christopher Howell), aka Mr Cellophane. But, “You sure I don’t have sweat marks?” indeed: ‘the name on everybody’s lips buff males in their tight-fitting opaque is… Roxie’. shirts!

Some of you theatre buffs out This dark and sexy show has everythere, will be intrigued to know that thing, including 50 international director Bob Fosse actually based awards. There is just something about Velma and Roxie’s stories around two Chicago as a live performance that real life murder trials; the tales of sucks you into the sparkling masterboth Mrs Beulah Annan and Mrs piece further than the film ever could.

Belva Gaerner made the Chicago Those of you who were too lazy to Tribune’s front page in the early catch the show at Cardiff’s New 1920s.

Theatre will now have to trudge all the Chicago is a clever concoction of way to London to catch Chicago. Enjoy! choreography, music and all that jazz.

The dancing was amazing - not a foot Debbie Green was put out of place throughout the performance. Voices were powerful all-round. Every song was so catchy

22 M u s i c

grmagazine@cf.ac.uk

Quench 11 04

BRIAN MCFADDEN Irish Son Sony

Brian McFadden's solo effort does not better any of his exploits with Westlife. It’s a lot of whiney shit about love and normal things you would expect from an ex boy-band member.

That said, the opening track on the album, a song about having to get down on his knees every Sunday like a good little Catholic boy was, I admit, better than expected.

However, it all went rapidly down hill from track two onwards and seeing as there are eleven tracks on the album, it made painfully listening.

McFadden's last track is a duet with Delta Goodrum which is simply appalling. I am not a massive Delta fan but I think she should be ashamed of this particular joint effort.

Just No. 1/10 Emma Langley

HANDSOME BOY MODELING SCHOOL White People Atlantic

U2 How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb Island

W

ay back in 2002, in the midst of the "new rock revolution” The Edge suggested that U2 would be getting inspiration for their next record from The Hives and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Oh dear.

The result? A U2 album that sounds distinctly like, well, U2 really.

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb grows on you listen after listen, from the euphoric lead-in of Vertigo (decorating stadiums near you soon) to the Mexican gunfight of closer Fast Carsthis is the album U2 fans have wanted the Dublin foursome to make since 1991’s Achtung Baby.

Apart from the last one that is.

Despite the gap of four years, this latest effort works well as a companion piece to 2000’s All That You Can’t

Leave Behind (especially in terms of title length). Espousing the same themes of family, love, and (this is Bono after-all) peace. HTDAAB also possesses all the hallmarks of vintage U2, with soaring choruses, wistful ballads, the odd dodgy lyric, unobtrusive but paradoxically dominant guitars and Bono’s longing vocals.

Above all, like its predecessor, it manages to sound decisively modern, and for a band that released their first album a quarter of a century ago that’s no mean feat.

Criticise Bono and his extra-curricular activities if you will ("I like the sound of my own voice" he sings), but unlike so many of his contemporaries, he and his band definitely do give a fuck. 9/10

Dan The Automator and Prince Paul return with the second album under the HBMS guise. Fans of the first album will be interested to know the formula has not been messed with too much. Hip Hop luminaries such as Q-Bert, De La Soul, RZA and Pharrell Williams contribute as do less obvious choices the Mars Volta, Franz’s Alex Kapranos and, er, Jamie Cullum.

Tracks range from the straight-up hip hop of A Day in the Life to the Vivaldi scratching rap-rock opera of Rock and Roll Part 2. As always the skits lose their humour after, hmm, one listen but thankfully they don’t overshadow the high standard of the tunes on this album. 8/10 Jon Davies

Will Dean

HBMS: Are you handsome?

STEPHEN FRETWELL Magpie

THE 411 Between The Sheets

Recently, Mancunian based singersongwriter, Stephen Fretwell has fast been making a name for himself through a couple of highly acclaimed EPs and a number of high-profile support slots. Despite being only 23, Fretwell's songs are well beyond his years. Although obviously heavily influenced by Dylan, it's fair to say his sound isn't too far off many of his current contempories such as Gray, Rice et al. In an already highly contested market, it is hard to determine exactly what kind of impact Fretwell will make, but if he continues like this then I think he will do just fine. 8/10

The debut album from the quirky quartet is a class example of Brits attempting Destiny/TLC style R'n'B. As a whole, it just doesn't work, but what else can you expect from the producer of Another Level?

All girl power elements are covered in depth, from the 80s Kylie disco-esque Chance to the new single Teardrops, but too many unmemorable ballad fillers detract from the half decent singles.

A lot of potential wasted, but a perfectly inoffensive Christmas present for your 14- year- old cousin nonetheless. 6/10

Dave Jennings

Alexandra Fry

FREESTYLERS Fabriclive 19

TWISTED SISTER Still Hungry

This album sees many of Britain's best, and up and coming urban breakbeat artists tracks getting the Freestylers touch. They showcase some of the hot, new producers on the scene, and boy they do it with a bit of class. The Freestylers ooze variety and quality and have enough energy to wake up anyone before a night on the slash. With 23 tracks on it, this is a monster of CD and although it somewhat lacks the atmosphere at a club, crank up these beats and you'll be half way there. 8/10

It seems old Dee Snider is getting bored: why else re-record your greatest album (in the shape of 1984’s Still Hungry) from start to finish?

A sure fire recipe for disaster, the heavier edge to classics Not Gonna Take It and I Wanna Rock bring nothing to their original recordings. Snider was said to be unhappy with the original toned down recording, but it seems everyone else was happier as it was. The bonus tracks bring nothing of note, and certainly nothing to warrant the price. Do yourself a favour, search for the original on Amazon.

3/10

Fiction

Mammoth

Will Schmit

ADAM GREEN Gemstones Rough Trade

Imagine seeing two people dressed as Robin Hood and a bunny shouting "Who’s got the crack?"

Confused? I was.

Welcome to the world of the Moldy Peaches everybody.

Adam Green, the male Peach returns with Gemstones, his third solo album, a joyful collection. Full of mock-country gems that, like the Peaches’ best, are often hilarious but never turn into novelties.

8/10 Will Dean

Green: the male Peach

Sony

Absoluetamd

Sam Coare

CLASS OF ZERO Nothing Will Survive Blastwave Records

From a band that are supporting the mighty Motörhead on tour, the early signs sounded great. Yet after a little over half an hour of head banging, guitar thrashing, sweat-infested metal, this album proves too be nothing original. Don't get me wrong, Class of Zero are good at what they do, their crunching riffs and screeching vocals will be like a magnet to any metalhead's spiked choker, it's just that it's nothing groundbreaking. Good quality metal it may be, but so nauseatingly generic. 6/10 Will Schmit

A l b u m s 23

THE BEE GEES: Millionaires sharing one microphone? Skinflints!

THE BEE GEES Number Ones Polydor

These days, it seems, liking the Bee Gees is all the rage. There is a lot of quality here: the first third of this career spanning compilation is particularly good. Compelling love, life and death songs are rendered irresistable through perfect harmonising and arrangement. As the decades wear on, however, things start to grate.

We’re offered ever more crass sounds and sentiments and genuinely great pop songs are forced to sit beside lame cheesy ballads. The Bee Gees did sparkle but not for as long as this release would have us believe. 6/10 Colm Loughlin

KOALA Do Not Be Afraid Co-Pop

Koalas are usually shit. All hanging around eating gumleaves, making specsavers adverts, and generally not making decent albums. Finally, this non-specific koala has got its act together. Somehows imultaneously zeitgeisty and retro, highly topical songs about "Guantanamo Bay" and "UN peacekeeping taskforces" sit alongside glam romps like opener Mna Mna Mna (which is pretty much The Sweet's Blockbuster). I'm sending shoeboxes of vocoders and SFA albums out to the Australian forests so we can hear more of their harmonious,psychedelic-glam-punk-pop.

Then maybe those lazy possums will pull their fingers out aswell!

8/10 Gareth Paisey

24

Music

Quench’s critics pick their....

Albums of the Year

2004

From Top (Left to Right): The Libertines, Melissa Auf Der Maur, Young Heart Attack, Jeff Tweedy (Wilco), Dizzee Rasca, Mike Skinner (The Streets), Michael Stipe (REM), Franz Ferdinand, Tali, U2, Graham Coxon, The Futureheads and The Killers

rules out the 25th Anniversary edition of London’s Calling. So that leaves me with Tali’s Lyric on My Lip, partly because it’s the only album I can remember being released this year, but partly because it’s a mature, assured debut that puts drum ‘n’ bass back on the map and showcases a future star in the making

pilthered every dark and sordid pleasure known to man. A nauseating catacomb of vice and decadence, Bubblegum kicks and twists like a Dante ridden rattlesnake. An album to destroy your soul and intoxicate your mind.

MARK LANEGAN BUBBLEGUM Craig Driver - Film Editor TALI - LYRIC ON MY LIP Gary Andrews – gair rhydd Editor

If I’d got round to buying the latest long players from Lewis Taylor and Kings of Leon then I might well be writing about them now, but I’m woefully unaware of anything going on in the music industry. I’m also not allowed to pick reissues – so that

EDITORS CHOICE Jon Davies - Music Editor

Mark Lanegan should have died years ago. Thankfully the gravel voiced viper stayed the course and with Bubblegum made the most raucous and whisky drenched album this side of Appetite for Destruction. Featuring such rock luminaries as PJ Harvey, Izzy Stradlin and Duff McKagan, and the rock-granite stalwarts Joshua Homme and Nick Olivieri, Lanegan found his tombstone niche and If I had to pick one album then it would probably be The Futureheads eponymous debut. It hasn’t escaped my CD player for the past few months and if you fail to see the greatness in pop punk gems such, as A to B then quite frankly there’s no hope for you.

But then I’m a pretty indecisive bugger at the best of times so by the time this is printed I would’ve probably changed my mind again. Other highlights this year for me have been Graham Coxon’s return to form with Happiness in Magazines, The Libertines managing to release a second album in between all the fights

and crack-smoking and The Killers’ Hot Fuss for the sheer number of Indie-Disco classics. A tip of the hat is also due for Brian Wilson finally getting his arse in gear and releasing Smile and proving that it was worth the wait. The main thing I’ll remember about 2004 is the rise of new, exciting British bands. Something I think we’ve all been waiting for, for a while.

Also other personal faves of the year include Secret Machines, !!!, Mylo, Dizzee Rascal, The Zutons, Kasabian, Razorlight, The Ordinary Boys and Dogs Die In Hot Cars.

M u s i c 25

THE ARCADE FIRE FUNERAL John Widdop - TV Desk

Both hauntingly melancholic, yet defiantly up-beat, Montreal collective The Arcade Fire's debut full-length was steeped in personal tragedy from the start. Startlingly original, with merest hints of Clinic pomp, and Bad Seeds gothic circumstance serve merely as guidance, Funeral not only paints a morbid picture, but frames it, signs it and hangs it on your hearts ventricles. Watch the fire spread come New Year.

WILCO - A GHOST IS BORN Will Dean – Interviews Editor

Born on the back of frontman Jeff Tweedy’s spell in rehab for painkiller addiction, A Ghost is Born is the perfect soundtrack to a lazy, hazy morning after.

Opener At Least That’s What You Said, is a reduced version of the album as a whole, starting gently before Tweedy’s scratchy lead guitar kicks in, dragging the album headily into life. The rest of the record continues this exemplary standard.

Universally applauded as the latest and greatest in an already brilliant cannon of work, this, the band’s 5th album-proper, is epic in both its scope and its beauty.

EDITORS CHOICE Sam Coare - Music Editor For someone who still wears a Bon Jovi T-Shirt (much to the amusement of my fellow Editor), the new wave of rock we’ve been experiencing was never going to appeal. 2004 shall, therefore, remain the year of quality, not quantity, with few gems hidden under the mountain of NME-endored Brit-Rock copycats.

Obsessions are never a healthy thing. Amplifier’s debut offering is beginning to scare my friends, as I find myself reaching for it every

THE STREETS - A GRAND DONT COME FOR FREE Perri Lewis - Fashion Editor

Mike Skinner is a talented man.

Although labelling him as one of the great poets of our time reeks a little too much of middle-class broadsheet critics, it is possibly the most fitting.

A Grand... celebrates all that is extraordinary about the mundane aspects of life. Despite the fact that the world is shown through Burberrytinted glasses, it is much more than a simple celebration of the chav.

This album is Original Pirate Material taken one step further. The Streets sound as fresh as ever and the talk, sing, rap-over-beats style they champion shows no sign of becoming stale.

morning in the way an alcoholic might reach for the vodka. The steady rebirth of prog-rock continues, with this British 3-piece at the forfront.

Young Heart Attack proved 70s retro rock, along with fantastic album titles (Mouthful of love anyone?) is cool, and instead of fannying around with poetry, ex-Pumpkin Melissa Auf Der Maur delivered a stunning debut.

Other highlights come in the form of Hundred Reasons Shatterproof is Not a Challenge, which, while lacking a standout hit, seems a more rounded effort than debut Ideas Above Our Station. X is Loaded finally delivered their powerful debut, with Jimmy Eat World and Green Day making welcome returns.

Still no sign of Chinese Democracy though; the wait goes on.....

FRANZ FERDINAND EPONYMOUS Elgan Iorwerth Taf Od Editor

My greatest album of 2004 is Franz Ferdinand’s self titled debut.

Unleashed in February following the release of two singles Darts of Pleasure and Take Me Out, the album was eagerly awaited by all and didn’t fail to disappoint.

Although by now five singles have been taken from the album, there remains a plethora of great tracks.

The genius of this album is that it works seamlessly as a whole but take any of the tracks to play them individually and they’re still great. This is definitley my album of 2004.

26

Singles

THE BLACK VELVETS Get on your life Infected

Raining in with more feedback than the Gair Rhydd letters page, The Black Velvets sound like Black Sabbath rampaging through a strip club, consuming their own body-weight in Stella and terrifying the good people of, say, Barnsley, away on a stag weekend. It ain't pretty and someone's got to clear up after them. 7/10 Greg Cochrane

ASH Renegade Calvacade Infectious

A more natural progression from 2001's Free All Angels, tiptoed guitar and tribal drumbeats anticipate a spectacular chorus, which sadly doesn't materialize. Shining Light lyrics won Tim Wheeler the Ivan Novello award, however it seems too much "walking in the dirty rain, acid seeping through my brain" has left a lyrically weak replica of what's come before. 6/10 Laura Gratton

POLYPHONIC SPREE Two Thousand Places

BUSTED She Wants To Be Me

The Polyphonic Spree have again produced a track that reflect their name.

You'd struggle to not know who it was on first hearing the track, and that's where it meets its downfall, it's a track, which sounds pretty similar to everything else they've done. 6/10

Crack squad of pop-princes, Busted, return with a new DVD-whoring single.

Another highpoint in lyric-as-narrative history as Charlie and the boys regale us with tales of a copy-cat girlfriend. Sounds a little like Bowling for Soup having naughty dirty sex with Avril Lavigne. But when has that ever, ever, been a bad thing? 9/10 Will Dean

Singlesdiscount

Elgan Iorwerth

LEMON JELLY Stay With You Impotent Fury

After stealing the sofa, Lemon Jelly now set their sights on the dance floor with this dollop of funky house.

The perfect pick me up for those winter blues, stick this on and you’ll soon forget about the mountains of essays that you’ve got to do on your holidays.

Perhaps. 7/10 Jon Davies

Island/Universal

GWEN STEFANI What You Waiting For Interscope

It was always going to be difficult for Stefani to stray far from No Doubt’s established formula. Despite this, the girl has done good. On this occasion, dropping the other No Doubt kids has been a successful move for Gwen.

9/10 Perri Lewis

THE STREETS Could well be in

BLINK 182 Always

Easy going, mellow tune with the unique vocals of Mike Skinner.

Impossible not to admire his originality and ability to make a story about everyday routines sound worthy of singing about. Doesn't match up to previous hits but still deserves a listen. 6/10 Natalia Kekic

The pop-punk boys are back, or are they? Another tired single from the not-so-Blink self-titled album. Always milks the typical three chord "now you can start a band" formula that Blink have perfected for the last ten years. A damn good representation of their latest stuff.

6/10 Nick Thakkar

679

KEANE This is the Last Time Island/Universal

With their fourth single from Hopes and Fears, Keane disappointingly fail to impress. Their trademark piano thumping and uplifting choruses sound tired even to a Keane-obsessive like me. Sadly, Chaplain’s soaring vocals can’t save the formulaic slap dash of piss-pop which should definitely have remained hidden as an album track. 5/10 Kerry-Lynne Doyle

THE WHITE STRIPES Jolene XL Recordings

Taken from their live performance Under Blackpool Lights, Jolene is a bold remake of the Dolly Parton classic. Using only simple drum beats and guitar cords, Jolene uses the energy of the crowd together with the raw, unstructured sound of Jack White to create an edgier and more emotional sounding rendition of the original.

It shouldn’t work, but it definitely does. 7/10 Helen Mullins

MCA

THE LONGCUT Transition EP Deltasonic

The Longcut have no quality control.

Things start promisingly with atmospheric guitar, insistent electrodrumming and incomprehensibly

yelped vocals. But then the vocals stop and it just goes on and on and on, mindnumbingy so. They've confused fannying about for experimentation, a common mistake. 2/10 Colm Loughlin

S i n g l e s 27 EVANESCENCE Missing Wind-Up/Epic

Listening to Amy Lee sing is less fun than listening to a cat with long nails trying to sprint up a blackboard. Missing ticks all the required boxes for this generic dirge and sounds identical to anything I have heard, or will ever hear, from a band who should should have ceased to exist long ago.

0/10 Will Dean

CAMERA Hurt

My Kung Fu

Built around infectious spiky guitars Camera provide us with a much needed antidote to the emo-soiled Welsh rock scene of the moment. An incredibly confident and assured debut that demands your attention.

8/10 Jon Davies

DVD THE LIBERTINES Boys in the Band DVD Rough Trade

In the wake of all that’s happened this year to The Libertines, and with recent news that they have no touring or recording plans for the foreseeable future, what could be better than a warts n’all documentary look at one of the most turbulent and unpredictable bands of recent years?

Except this isn’t it.

Instead of releasing a stand alone DVD this collection of live performances, videos and interviews has been included in a re-released version of the album. Call me cynical but

it does seem like they’ve rushed this out in time for the Christmas dollar, and the fact that they mention a full length DVD will be released next year in the credits only confirms this.

The live footage shows the Libertines when the good ship Albion was well on course to Arcadia.

Scenes of Pete and Carl reading out fans love letters on stage in Japan and sweaty fans invading the stage in Madrid make you recall just why we got so excited by this lot in the first place. Also included is footage of Pete and Carl playing an intimate acoustic gig at Filthy McNasty’s that frustratingly keeps cutting songs short.

The most appealing footage here for Lib’s fans is the opportunity to see the band behind the scenes. Some genuinely funny moments include Pete conducting a phone interview whilst

pretending to be Carl and Mr. Doherty again serenading a bemused security guard before a gig.

Although seeing footage of the band performing Don’t Look Back Into The Sun at the 2004 NME Awards is sure to moisten a few eyelids you can’t help getting the feeling that this is a wasted opportunity to provide fans with a decent insight into the life of the Libertines.

Jon Davies

28 L i v e

Photo: David Sutheran

THE BETA BAND/GISLI Cardiff University, Solus Thursday 18th November.

I arrive in Solus in time to catch the start of Gisli’s set. Bollocks, I should’ve stayed in the pub a bit longer. Resembling that ugly bastard who won World Idol his set of lame brand Wheatus-esque pop was greeted by a nearly empty Solus. Word must have spread, but not to me.

At this stage of the evening, I feared the worst. Would the Beta Band’s final gig in Cardiff be witnessed by a small few? Funnily enough, as soon as Gisli pissed off, the crowd seemed to grow.

Unfortunately Mountain Men Anonymous were forced to pull out of the gig due to the Beta Bands diva like demands of a two hour time slot but, hey, it is their last tour, so any muscle-flexing is perfectly justified.

Dressing up for the occasion in charity shop suits, the Beta Band give their fans a fitting goodbye playing a set of their own brand of eclectic indie, ranging from the down tempo groove of recent single Asessment to the down right nuts She’s The One from The Three E.P.’s, culminating in what can only be described as a drum off. An ending which was enjoyed by all, apart from my mate who I found asleep in a chair afterwards. Tit! Jon Davies

LOSTPROPHETS/18 VISIONS Cardiff International Arena Sunday 22nd November

The support band, Eighteen Visions, are entertainingly screamo, despite being very monotonous towards the end, and the crowd do politely nod along, but this is Lostprophets homecoming. And, as the lights dim, it’s all these fifteen year olds care about.

They are a much heavier band when performing live, casting doubts about their "boy band" tag aside through collective screaming and general rocking out. Last Train Home predictably turns into a sing-athon, and although they rely heavily tonight on Start Something, when they throw in golden oldie e.g The Fake Sound of Progress we all remember the good old days before they turned slightly American.

However, during the concert Ian Watkins begins to tone down that annoying accent and bring back the good old Welsh lilt as they name

THE BETA BAND: Bye Bye check Clwb Ifor Bach as one of their starting points. Through their energy, onstage banter (an honest and amusing admission about the pointlessness of encores) and determination to keep the crowd entertained they give a harmlessly fun performance. If you're a hater or a doubter then all I can say is see them live. Shame they didn't do their cover of Justin Timberlakes Cry Me a River though Ellen Waddell

ZU Le Pub, Newport

Thursday 11th November

To the stage come three Italians, a drum-kit with two snare drums, two saxophones, and a bass guitar. Hang on, the drummer’s taking his trousers off because it’s, "more comfortable," then… WOW! Four stick clicks and they’re off; incredible, sharp and controlled yet wild and unhinged drumming is accompanied by fast paced almost free-form jazz saxophone and driven, exceptional bass work.

Seemingly random time changes are pulled off expertly without so much as an um or an aah, and the energy makes the drummer’s novelty Y-front pants seem the only logical way to play this music other than nude.

Finally, I have what I came for: brilliant music which is both entertaining and impressive. Zu are like Hella if they reworked samba and jazz classics with a saxophone thrown in for good measure and it is thanks to them that I wasn’t left feeling cheated and letdown, but honoured and proud to be a part of something special.

Harold Sheil

THE BEACH BOYS, Cardiff International Arena Monday 15th November

The Beach Boys might be the finest pop band ever but this isn't the Beach Boys. It's eight jobsworths in baseball caps and stupid shirts, playing songs that sound a bit like the classics they're supposed to be. The performance is that of dead-eyed professionals, smiling and gurning as the music that destroyed Brian Wilson is made to sound like meaningless nostalgia. The middle-aged crowd lap it up, clapping, singing and dancing along. Mike Love's unfunny “we're so old and tired” banter goes down particularly well; old and tired just about sums it up.

Colm Loughlin

PINK GREASE Barfly

Thursday 11th November

You could be forgiven for thinking that Sheffield's eccentric and sleazy glamrockers Pink Grease were American.

Briefly called "The Buttfuckers", their current name comes from a 50s doowop compilation. First on stage, on the night, was the hyperactive bassist, making faces and yelling unintelligible warblings into the mic followed by a skinny guitarist complete with kneehigh boots and a second guitarist ooking the peak of retro-cool with his sunglasses and afro.

behind the punky exterior (complete with epilepsy inducing lighting effects) lay some better-than-average tunes complete with harmonies. Their forthcoming single Something's Wrong was a prime example.

Bonus marks go to the guitarist, for resembling Steve Buscemi. And also to their drummer who, despite some fine drum-work, still managed to look a bit like their dad.

6/10 Sylvie Winn

PINK GREASE: Afrotastic They were followed by two quieter band members: a hairy fellow with a homemade knob-filled synthesiser which he played with a toothbrush and a fairly non-descript drummer. The bleach-blond (or should that be bleach-white?) lead singer waited until the last moment to leap out onto stage and begin proceedings. By this time, like the small children we ultimately were, we were all quite excited.

The music itself came from their debut album including an energy filled rendition of their recent single The Pink G.R.Ease with extra twiddly bits.

Unlike some live acts, they seemed genuinely enthusiastic to be performing to us; I didn't feel like we were just another obligatory little city on their tour. Due to the inevitable shortage of performing space, these six men had there were quite a few instances of equipment being knocked over/stood on. In addition to this, the band felt free to dangle and in most cases leave the stage, happy to grab and bite at audience members. But hey, it was a small price to pay for such fine entertainment.

Sylvie Winn

ELVISS Barfly

Monday 8th November

No it isn't a typo.

Mounting the stage with a large replica swiss army knife, muscley arms and camouflage caps pulled low, you can't help but think that these four youngsters are angry about something.

They started their set without warning, pumping us, the 40-strong audience, with guitar-based noise before we knew what was going on. However,

CHERRYFALLS / THE INTERNATIONAL KARATE PLUS / LUCENT Barfly Tuesday 9th November

Lucent are on first, their hard-rock melodies, and Feeder guitars are laughable. The International Karate Plus are more promising. They start well- nervy power-pop giving way to shouty alt.rock. As the set goes on,

Live

29

however, inspiration fades. Songs becoming over-long with needless vocalswapping. Headliners, Cherryfalls, amble timidly on stage.

This sets the tone. They tread the well worn path of rhythmic, climatic and strummy indie rock with little boy lost, yearning but hopeful vocals. They don't achieve the emotional weight they strive for. At best they're nice (nice is never interesting or important), at worst their dull. The small crowd treat them well, but beered up punters tend to be over-generous. The singer relishes tonight's equipment failure, it gives him the opportunity to be apologetic and cute whilst ruffling his hair; very telling.

Colm Loughlin

MOTÖRHEAD: Bedtime music for Quench Editors

MOTÖRHEAD / SEPULTURA Newport Centre

Sunday 21st November

Who says rock can’t be educational?

Many important things were learned at this gig. Firstly, Sepultura still rock, even though they’re sans Max Cavalera – but getting thrown out of a band you invented, which your brother is a remaining member of, must have stung a bit. Without this questionable act, we’d never have Soulfly.

And if Lemmy had never been fired from Hawkwind, we’d never have Motörhead, so everyone’s a winner…

Secondly, turbo shandys are Very Bad Things. For the uninitiated, these are drinks constructed by buying a pint of

premium lager, and a Smirnoff Ice. Combine the two, and enjoy your treat responsibly. Several of these later and I fall asleep during Motörhead. Yes, I passed out during a concert by the band that the Guinness Book of Records called the “Loudest Band in the World”.

The first half of the set is good hardrocking fun; Lemmy is exactly the foulmouthed nutter you’d fervently wish him to be. This tour is to promote the Inferno album released last summer, but they inevitably get through a couple of old tracks as well. I assume they played Ace of Spades for the encore, but I was off to the land of nod by then.

James Anthony

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F i l m

THE INCREDIBLES Dir: Brad Bird Cast: Craig T. Nelson, Holly Hunter, Samuel L. Jackson

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ixar have managed to create a truly stunning film with The Incredibles. It could almost be described as the best James Bond film that was never made.

They have managed to combine the best elements of a Marvel superhero with the wit and sophistication of the worlds number one super-spy. Couple this with superb animation and delicious vocal talents and Pixar have succeeded in producing an animation superior to Finding Nemo and as entertaining as Toy Story.

Brad Bird brings to the helm his unique humour and direction to produce a film darker than most of Pixars recent efforts. In fact unless i’m mistaken there isn’t a single cuddly creature flopping around in the entire film.

This is not too say that there is a body count comparable to that of a

Schwarzenegger film. The difference with The Incredibles is that it deals with the realities of heroism in a more mature manner.

The film starts with Bob Parr (a.k.a Mr Incredible) attempting to foil a bank robbery and inadvertantly injuring an obsesive fan. This leads to a reality in which superheroes are ousted from society and made to pay for the damage they cause. Mr Incredible and his wife Elastigirl are forced to move to American suburbia with their three children and lead lives in which “no-one is special because everybody

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SPONSORED BY STER CENTURY is”. In true Superman style Mr Incredible becomes a mild mannered insurance salesman during the day, but at night he secretely listens to the police band radio longing for the good old days of crime fighting.

The animation is quite simply incredible (sorry, it had to be said).

The world the animators have created is engrossing and compelling. If Albert ‘cubby’ Broccoli was still alive he would be insanely jealous of the island lair constructed by the evil Syndrome. Complete with rock-

ets, lasers, tunnels, magma and a monorail, it makes Tracy Island look like a 2 star holiday resort in Ibiza. Much of the comedy comes from the supporting cast, including Bob Parr’s ice-cold buddy Frozone (Samuel L. Jackson) and Brad Bird himself voicing fashion designer Edna ‘E’ Mode.

Brad Bird was headhunted by Pixar to direct a film but said that he wanted to direct something darker with a greater degree of character development. The result of this is that there was not a single person in the cinema

who was under 20, although that should not stop the film being adored by thousands of kids nationwide. Pixar had been aware of Brad Bird from his previous work as animator and script writer for The Simpsons and from his work on The Iron Giant.

“Complete with rockets, lasers, tunnels, magma and a monorail, it makes Tracy Island look like a 2 star holiday resort in Ibiza” Pixar president Ed Catmull said “we knew Brad long before he came to Pixar and knew that he was, and is, a great director”. Bird brings a new adult perspective to Pixar from his work on The Simpsons, and manages to gracefully merge the dull with the dazzling as the story switches from grim suburbia to the more exotic locations of tropicana.

Overall The Incredibles provides a splendid mix of characters, visuals and humour that surpasses expectations and signals a new benchmark for mainstream animation.

Pixar have dared to redifine the boundry between live action and cartoon fantasy that will appeal to an older audience as well children everywhere.

Complete with spandex-esque tight fitting body suits, manic robots, explosions and a fair few Kapows, Blams and Whacks, It hits the spot like a well timed hero punch.

BIg Al

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towards women.

Overall though, this is an intelligent, beautifully performed meditation on loneliness, anger and hope, a consistent delight to watch.

James Skinner

UNCOVERED: THE WAR ON IRAQ Harold and Kumar prepare to play the “Catch the Fish” game

HAROLD AND KUMAR GET THE MUNCHIES

Dir: Danny Leiner Cast: John Cho, Kal Penn rom the incredibly stupid and purile mind of Dude, Where’s My Car? comes the first ever multiracial dope fast-food road movie.

Leiner’s previous efforts have been damaged by a heady reliance on the gross-out gag. With Harold and Kumar Leiner has concocted a fresh and spine-snappingly funny movie worthy of the greatest guffaw.

Harold and Kumar are two ethnic minority college boys: one uptight Asian-American; one relaxed and groovy Indian-American. Upon smoking some dope they develop a desperate desire for a particular fast-food delicacy. In their midnight quest for satience they encounter a nymphomaniac Korean collective, an inbred Southern Hick and his sexually voracious wife, and a womanizing Neil Patrick Harris, aka Doogie Howser M.D, in a hilarious pilgrimage of joy.

More serious is the multicultural subtext about stereotyping (Asians are nerdy number crunchers and Indians overachieving medics).

Ultimately it's pop-cult fun at our own expense. In the canon of stoner comedies this is at the top of the food chain.

Craig Driver

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THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE

Dir: Jonathan Demme Cast: Denzel Washington,Liev Schreiber magine a world where one massive company has the ability to force change, influence governments, and fix elections.

This is the world that US Army Major Bennett Marco (Denzel Washington) lives in. During the preliminary days of Desert Storm, his unit was ambushed and duly saved by Sergeant Raymond Shaw (Liev

I

Schreiber). Cut to the present day and Shaw is a US Congressman and Marco is trying to discover the truth about a dream that tells him that his memories of the events nearly 15 years earlier aren’t quite accurate. All the evidence points to a large conspiracy, but how far does it go?

Denzel Washington delivers a stunning performance portraying the unease of a man who can trust no one and is entirely unsure of his own sanity. Schreiber’s enigmatic and disconnected characterisation of Shaw is yet another example of his true ability.

While Meryl Streep delivers a performance both scheming and ruthless.

The Manchurian Candidate will please fans of political thrillers, and conspiracy theory type films. A confident and assured remake.

Elgan Iorwerth

SIDEWAYS

Dir: Alexander Payne Cast: Paul Giammati he latest film from About Schmidt director Alexander Payne tells the story of Miles Raymond, a recently divorced failed writer and Jack, his best friend from college, who is about to be married.

Miles, a devout wine connoisseur, is taking the two of them on a weeklong break in California before the wedding. Whereas Miles is looking to relax among the vineyards and golf courses. Jack is itching for one last fling as a bachelor, which results in a host of complications.

Adapted from the semi autobiographical novel by Rex Pickett, this is an absolute gem of a movie, held together by the excellent performances of the leads.

Paul Giamatti of indie hit American Splendour injects a likeability into the glum Miles few other actors could realistically convey. Thomas Haden Church also excels as the charismatic Jack, who we end up liking despite his somewhat objectionable attitudes

T

Dir: Robert Greenwald he Director who compiled the fantastic Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch’s War On Journalism returns with an intelligent and deeply articulate investigation into the War on Iraq.

This documentary may arrive admist a gluttony of counter-establishment releases but it’s insistence upon plain and logical truth rather than polemical posturing raises it above the parapit of commerciality.

Here, spelt out coherently and calmly is the truth about The War on Iraq. This is illustrated through archive footage of the primary instigators Bush, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, as well as interviews with political and social figures, both current and ex-establishment, keen to dispel the plague-like myth of America’s insitence upon a foreign evil in the Middle East.

An essential film that expertly summarises the belief that, as one interviewee states, the American nation is in the midst of a “historical and political lobotomy.”

Craig Driver

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A vital and sobering film

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F i l m

We F***ing I

HUCKABEES

Dir: David O Russell Cast: Jason Schwartzman, Jude Law, Lily Tomlin, Dustin Hoffman, Naomi Watts, Mark Wahlberg, Catherine Hubert

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he world is a crazy place. It could further be said that it is at times an impossible place.

Albert (Schwartzman) is the epitome of the endless struggle of existence.

In the life of Albert, confusion is an inherent everyday occurence.

Determined to deduce the meaning of a string of co-incedences in his life he hires two existential detectives, Hoffman and Tomlin, who investigate every metaphysical crevice of Albert’s life and hypothesise its meaning.

Unfortunately for Albert, his worries extend far beyond the personal sphere. Jude Law plays Brad, Albert’s alter ego/nemesis, who is climbing the corporate ladder at superstore conglomorate. Huckabees, where uber-glam girlfriendDawn (Watts) is spokesmodel. Albert then meets and befriends austere Firefighter Tommy (Wahlberg) and together they attempt to expose and challenge the mindlessness of Huckabees and ultimately attain a sense of calm by welcoming “pure being.” You see it does actually all make perfect sense.

This is a film devoid of ancestors and peers. It is an insanely quirky non-sensical off-beat philosophical pil-

Huckabees

grimage. A squidgy and explosive myriad piece peppered with arched eyebrow meanderings and non-sequitur puzzles. After Russell’s breakthrough with Three Kings this is a return to his initial deluge of kitsch in Spanking the Monkey and Flirting With Disaster.

A majority of the jigsaw set pieces

“A s q u i d g y a n d explosive myriad piece peppered with arched eyebrow meanderings and non-sequitur p u z z l e s .” defy logic and reason on initial viewing. Russell twists and stretches the narrative eliciting performances from his actors that harness the dexterity of the script and enhance its connotations. Russell’s insanely inspired choice of cast is matched only by the films joyfully idiosincratic critique of personal greed and corporate ethics.

Among a ridiculously stellar cast, Hoffman and Tomlin wreak havoc on their quest to ascertain the ‘truth’ of Albert, Watts and Wahlberg rejoice in the freedom of unconventional surroundings, while Schwartzman in the lead role comes dangerously close to perfection. Only Jude Law, as the scheming Brad, suffers from an over exposure to all things unbound.

Russell manages to puppeteer his cosmopolitan cast into a variety of circumstances that are at once entirely separate and intrinsically linked.

Always on the precipice of cerebral gluttony, Huckabees thankfully manages to hold its narrative framework together long enough to create a dazzling display of vitriolic wonder.

It would be far too lazy and compliant to simply compare Huckabees to Being John Malkovich. While it does retain visual similarities to Jonze’s warped visual feast, it is more lean and stringent in its narrative. This is the film Charlie Kaufman would write in a skittle induced fever. The kind of superbly anarchaic rollercoaster that demands the attention and not just the finance of its audience.

Russell’s film is essentially a postmodern reflection on the fragility of humanity and its numerous ups and downs. This is a film for the broken hearted and the haplessley optimistic. A warm and endlessley inventive attempt to convey love, hate, nostalgia, and melancholy with an assured and unflinching brutality.

Huckabees is a film fuelled by kinetic energy and raucous abandon.

A hazy and amphetamine riddled maze of contemplation that throws up more questions than answers. This is cinema that reaches beyond the screen and into your soul. A fantastically acidic rush of incoherance. Who cares about truth, certainity, and logic when confusion and indecision is this startling and colourful.

Craig Driver

The DVDon

Reviews you can’t refuse THE WHITE STRIPES UNDER BLACKPOOL LIGHTS, rel. Out Now Jack and Meg releases a DVD recording of their landmark live performance at the Blackpool Empress Ball Room.

Shot on 8 and 16mm film, this footage documents the raw energy of an entire Stripes' gig, filmed in January 2004. The DVD includes 25 songs including album tracks from all 4 albums as well as rare and unreleased material. In a delicate and articulate manner of phrasing it fucking rules!

The Don Says: “My second cousin was named Jack. He was a thin man with a weak and sickly disposition. I had to disembowel him with a trowel.”

TWILIGHT SAMURAI, rel. Out Now Seibei Iguchi, a low-ranking samurai, leads a life without glory as a

bureaucrat in the mid-XIX century Japan.

A widower, he has two adoring daughters and a senile mother; he must therefore work in the fields and accept piecework to make ends meet. New prospects seem to open up when Tomoe, his longtime love, divorces a brutal husband.

The consequences are cruel, but this film is stunning. A brutal and considerate meditation on the Samurai existence.

The Don Says: “The Samurai, they are wise and just. In another time we would be loving allies not sworn and hated enemies.”

THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES, rel.

Dec 27th The Motorcycle Diaries is based on the journals of Che Guevara, leader of the Cuban Revolution. In his memoirs, Guevara recounts adventures he, and best friend Alberto Granado, had, while crossing South America by motorcycle in the early 1950s. The film shows the humanity and logic behind the cuban myth.

A beautiful and haunting film Gael García Bernal as Che is beyond beauty striking the right poses and the right emotional notes throughout.

The Don Says: “I respect a man

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who can fight and read poetry. The blood of many a man is immortalised in verse. I though cannot read.”

THE CANNELONI SPECIAL PEEP SHOW, rel. Out Now

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annabe popstar Jeremy, is a lazy man with big ideas, mostly about himself. His friend and flatmate is the astonishingly tragic Mark, an obsessive loser with a no-pain, no-gain view of the world.

In an inventive twist, Jeremy and Mark's inner thoughts can be heard, whether they be dark, stupid or embarrassingly over-blown. Full of cringe-making embarrassment and excruciating faux pas, the show's humour is best described as 'close to the bone'.

But if you like jokes about onanism, sex, death, and misshapen genitalia, then this is for you. A zany and strangely misanthropic mix of all things derogatory.

The Don Says: “I know it well. In Sicily we call such things ‘Mayhem d'adescamento del coniglietto.’”

The Good, t h e B a d , and the Ugly F ilm Poll:qtop10films@yahoo.com

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ello to the masses. The landmark that is the 2004/2005 Top 10 Film Poll is in need of your vote.

We are asking you to vote for your top 3 films as well as your worst 3 films of all time. You can mix your Godfather’s with your Father of the Bride’s; your Star Wars with your Space Jam’s. Whatever your visual tipple, this poll can quench your cinematic lust.

All you need do is send us an email at QTOP10FILMS@YAHOO.CO.UK and let us know your Top 3 films of all time and your Worst 3 films of all time. We will count all your votes and compile a stupendous poll for the first issue of the new year.

The final top 10 films will hopefully be shown at your local multiplex in the new year. All votes will be entirely confidential so don’t be embarrased.

Log on and grace us with your choice.

Vote now or die.

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F i l m

Film Desk take a look back at the Top Five films that shook the 2004 Cardiff Screen Festival

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he Cardiff Screen Festival is an annual ten day festival of all things gloriously celluoid.

Celebrating the latest and greatest in Welsh and World cinema the event took place at UGC and Chapter Arts Centre.

3 ) VERA DRAKE

Dir : Mike Leigh Set in the 1950s Vera o by Drake is a mother wh t day cleans homes, bu rforms behind closed doors pe abortions.

OG young In her attempt to help 5) GUARD D d pregnannte wa un h wit al de ls gir Dir: world of tencies she encounters a Bill Plympton ing, so why nity. ma be derness and fragile hu “I’m a human icken’s flashwrong, Vera s goe ion ort ab ch When an am I having a y the police an d an t ve to love is inevitably found ou back”. You ha t away with a ton’s perun Sta a eld Im it. n ge pay her a vis movie that ca film the formance throughout line like that. nomination min animation 75 a deser ves every award is h ig d an Hair H t . en low ol funny, vi that will inevitably fol that is at times ays entertaining. in creataga yet s ha gh w Mike Lei a strange, but al of rstatde un cs y ni ed a tale thoroughl by the mecha d an to ing ect le Unconstrained aff ab lly ua is tin ed, con Plympton a, er m ca al . ic ing lly phys derfu inherently reward ences to won treat his audi out ever ith w Ryan Owen es gl an a unusual camer e ingenuity of the Release Date: 7th th compromising ity al January ess origin stor y. His endl oughly memoor makes for a th experience full ic rable cinemat quirky kitsch d an r ou m hu of sure. ea m l in equa

2) GARDEN STAT E

Dir: Zach Braf The feature de f from Scrubs st but Braff is a sens ar Zach melodic piece itive and of A moderately hilarity. successful TV actor returns to his home to w after nine year s. Upon his re n must face his turn he turbulent rela tio with his father , greet old frien nship fall for Natalie ds Portman’s kook , and femme. y An inspired an d austere comed piece Garden y Stat in the tradition e is an emotive fable of Minghella an Terence Malik . Braff has co d mpi incredibly vita l and compact led a piece of cinematic joy.

A warm and in tensely fuzzy film Gar den beat little won State is an offder that dese rves immediate at tention.

Cr aig Driver

Release Date: 10th December

Mark Kelly

Release Date: TBC

4 ) UNDERTOW : Dir: David This gritty drGreen ama set in deepest Tenn essee tells th stor y of two e bo from reality by ys secluded father until th their detached ei throwing thei r uncle arrives r lives into tu rmoil.

It is an incred ibly touching that portrays the children’s drama difficult isolation through beautiful but violent narrative. Jamie Be as the childre ll and Devon Alan shine n constantly su by death and rrounded mis made up of dr er y. Though the film is amatic dialog ue the action pieces are involving as well as suspenseful.

If you want a fil you on the ed m which keeps ge of your seat ye uses your brai n see Undertow t Ellen Waddell .

Release Date: 19th December

YING DAGGERS 1) THE HOUSE OF FL of ic Hero, comes House Dir : Zhang Yimou ’s masterful Washu ep i and Ziy g an (Zh ers lov ollowing on from Yimou o follows the fate of tw Flying Daggers. The film a civil war between the become embroiled in o wh ing Daggers.

Takeshi Kaneshiro) ry cell The House of Fly na tio olu rev the d an t centre that Hero someGovernmen captures the emotional action sequences Yimou’s film perfectly myriad of sensational a ing cot ive con ilst wh what lacked An essential and decis ic, gravity, and nature. ic ep l tifu au be d an t that glorioulsy defy log len ou has crafted a turbu piece of filmaking Yim es the senses. rat igo inv d an art he that binds the

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Craig Driver

cember Release Date: 26th De

Books

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DYLAN AND COHEN: POETS OF ROCK AND ROLL

WALES HALF WELSH

ODD ONE OUT

David Boucher

Edited by John Williams

Lissa Evans

Continuum

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ROM CARDIFF University’s very own David Boucher comes this detailed analysis of the work of 20th century genius’ Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen.

Much like Chris Turner’s recent tome on The Simpsons, Poets of Rock and Roll, this is an academic reflection on modern(ish) cultural icons.

Half-anecdotal, half-academic, the book takes us through Dylan and Cohen’s introduction to the influential New York folk scene of the early sixties through to their later, less successful periods.

Cohen began his career as a poet in his native Montreal, before putting his words to music and moving due south. Dylan rose to fame as one of the first popular (white) artists to carry lyrical narratives along with music. Here we encounter the struggles, stories and thinking behind many of Cohen and Dylan’s songs.

Boucher is clearly a fan of the two men, describing their influences in detail and how their music resonated with future stars such as David Bowie.

However, unless you share the same passion for the two artists it is difficult to plough through such an intensive study that focuses on just the lyrics of two fascinating men.

There is already a huge market for Dylan books and the singer’s own autobiography, Chronicles, was also released in October and is indispensable reading for all fans of Mr. Zimmerman.

Will Dean

DYLAN: Folk music legend

Bloomsbury

The Green Green Grass of Home

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his is a mixed bag of short stories by twelve rising authors, all of whom are Welsh or have a Welsh connection.

I’m not Welsh; I love Cardiff, but having seen little else of Wales I have little understanding of the stories’ relevance to Welsh culture. However, even from an English person’s perspective these stories are enjoyable.

Most of the stories are based in Cardiff. Reading stories with characters frequenting my favourite areas of the city was immensely enjoyable.

Anna Davis’s two stories Hiding in Cheesy’s Bedroom and Black weir are great fun for this.

Although a diverse range of perspectives are shown throughout the stories, they all tended toward desolate, crime-ridden and working class aspects of Welsh life.

Several of the stories jumped right out of the Lock Stock genre and Niall Griffiths’ Turd-Burglars is highly reminiscent of Irvine Welsh. This style is not to everyone’s taste: I prefer humility and sensitivity in an author. His other short story Fran and the Witch and Me suggests great range and ability in his writing.

My favourite story is Malcolm Pryce’s Human see, Human Do. Set in Aberystwyth, this slightly absurd, farcical story is the only real humour in the anthology, albeit a bit on the dark side. The ending made me laugh out loud.

In short, there is something here for everyone whether you are Welsh or not.

Shell Plant

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Penguin

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N IDEAL read for those whose brains are melting from overzealous university reading lists. Odd One Out has comedy, tragedy and a plot that’s forgotten as soon as you hear the call of "EASTENDERS IS ON!" from your sitting room.

The story follows Doctor Paul ‘Pud’ Gooding and his new life working at Shadley Oak Hospital and dietician Netta Lee, who has arrived from Scotland to help her mum and brother move house. Cue comedic crossing of paths and characters having not-very-life-changing epiphanies.

There are some funny moments in this book, but it’s like watching Friends re-runs: quite funny but you’ve heard it all before.

Any over-worked students will be reassured by the large font size and colour-by-numbers plot but, I should warn you that Lissa Evans does like to drop exotic words like ‘prurience’ into her work (this means ‘having an excessive interest in sexual matter;’ try using them in a sentence this week). This can have a jarring effect, but hey, at least you’re learning something.

All in all, this wouldn’t be a book I’d go out and buy. If you enjoy frothy, easy read-‘em-on-the-beach style books, then by all means give it a try. If you prefer something that has a little more impact, however, then maybe you should go back to those reading lists.

Katie Sinfield

RERUNS: ad nauseum

36 B o o k s

Mister Discworld Richard Griffiths profiles Terry Pratchett

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erry Pratchett is a man whose affinity for the ape population and carnivorous plants has stemmed a creation that grasps a worldwide audience, unrivalled popularity and deserves a place on anyone’s bookshelf. His immense talent considerably aids his cause too. What magic does he weave to addict us?

Who cares, provided he keeps writing. His newest novel, Going Postal, looks to be as successful as his previous work.

Pratchett was born many moons ago in April 1948. After having a story published at the age of 13, getting an A-level in English, and working as a journalist and sub-editor, he opted to work for the Central Electricity Generating Board as a publicity officer, truly living the writer’s dream. However, it was at this job thathe began writing the Discworld series (after previous novels like Strata and The Dark Side of the Sun). Fast forward a few years and Terry settled down to live at a keyboard – the preferred location of any

author. He sat there for years developing his fascination with carnivorous plants and chimpanzees alike.

Whoever you are, if you’ve read his work then you should love it, or at least be in denial about loving it.

Simply put, the Discworld series, his greatest, most popular works, is a collection of novels so great that they deserve to be a genre of their own.

Borne of the novel The Colour of Magic, the Discworld series has grown into a collection of some 30 novels.

Each and every one is a work of art.

Observedly, this is art with enough satirical one-liners and wit to satisfy the tastes of even the most discerning critic. It is art that everyone and their grandmother can love without the

need for a ridiculous hair-do and name that requires importing.

Pratchett’s work since novel one has only improved. His writing has matured into a style so distinctive that it is separated from much of the fantasy genre, or any other genre for that matter. I realise this may sound like an advertisement, but there are fans who have yet to appreciate his genius.

And to those who aren’t fans (yet), I ask you – who else could create characters with such subtle brilliance as Detritus: "When Mister Safety Catch is not on, Mister Crossbow is not your friend?”

It is through characterisation that Pratchett’s burgeoning genius can best be seen. Every Discworld fan has a character that, to them, makes it worthwhile reading just one more page before going to sleep at 5am, thanks to 200 "just one more page" moments before. Truly, there is nothing quite like watching the advancing career of Duke of Ankh, Commander of the Watch, Sir Samuel Vimes or the subtle ways in which Granny Weatherwax is becoming the most powerful witch in all the land.

Erring on the side of caution I shall end my blatant Pratchett-endorsement here. Go out and read some Pratchett whether new to it all or a die-hard fan.

It’s still damn good reading. Go!

Author Hayley Long talks creative writing with Emma Langley

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FIRE AND WATER Hayley Long Parthian

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pparently this is similar to Hornby’s High Fidelity and, as a die hard Hornby fan, I approached it with scepticism.

There are similarities (it is a story about a girl who loves music) but Long takes a tried and tested idea and makes it her own. She avoids the cliche of aiming at music anoraks.

Fire and Water doesn’t assume any musical knowledge - indeed, you could be a Westlife fan and still enjoy it.

Long has a dynamic way of describ-

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t is a good time for Welsh fiction. Last month saw the launch of Fire and Water, a novel by Cardiffbased author Hayley Long.

Hailed as the woman’s High Fidelity for the poststudent coming to terms with men, the novel travels the distance of a nine-hour train journey between Aberystwyth and Felixstowe, reminiscing about university, rock music and men.

By day Hayley Long is an English teacher at a Cardiff secondary school and has adjusted to hectic weekend schedules, book readings and signings. We caught up with the author while she was signing copies of Fire and W ater in Roath.

Strumming out on the table in front of her is the Stereophonics’ Kelly Jones.

Long is happy with continuation of the Welsh theme. “I have a strong Welsh identity, don’t feel at all Welsh, and I love Wales,” she says.

Anyone who knows Aberystwyth will recognise strong images of the town and surrounding landscape.

Long hopes that anyone having been to, or is at university will identify with characters and situations that are often unintentionally comic.

Keen to stress that the novel is not autobiographical, Long says that while she went

to Aberystwyth University, loves music and read (or didn’t) English Literature, the similarities between her and the narrator Ally end there.

Fire and W ater has largely been received under the umbrella of Welsh fiction, yet has attracted attention outside Wales. A critic for The Times Education supplement noted: “It all goes to prove that the peculiar world of the music anorak is not the exclusive territory of men.”

Every chapter in the book is titled with a track listing and notes from the album Fire and W ater by 70s group Free. Long is one half of the DJ duo Bararbajagal and a big collector of vinyl.

She had never written her own fiction until started writing on her fouryear break between university, travelling and working her way through France, Belgium and Tunisia. It was these travelogues that developed into her first novel, The W orld of Elli Jones, published in 2000.

The strongest motivation for her writing is to finally see her work in print. Long had few problems finding a publisher: the original manuscript for Fire and W ater was quickly accepted by Parthian Books, a small but dynamic Welsh publisher of Welsh literature in English.

When asked what advice she would give to young people wanting to write, her response was “just get on with it” and to be critical of yourself. While Long is not planning to give up the day job she loves, she has already started work on her third novel.

ing people. The characters are easy to relate to as the author concentrates on description and their emotional side. Many modern books feel the need to shock or sicken the reader by talking about morbid subjects such as death or drugs; Long does not pander to this temptation, meaning that her book is more ‘real’.

Reading alone is advised, as I got some odd looks when I started giggling outside the Bute building. Also as you get so lost in the characters, you won’t want to put it down - so set aside a few hours.

This isn’t the book for you if you’re looking for a complex story, fast

paced action and plot twists. But if you want an eloquently structured and beautifully written character study, then Fire and Water is near perfect.

Beth Pritchard

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D i g i t a l

grdigital@cf.ac.uk

Four Four You

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so many stats, such little time

Will Dean has sleepless nights playing Football Manager 2005

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hen animation giants Pixar split from Michael Eisner’s Disney in January, it was a kick in the face for the House of Mouse. It’s most reliable performer, not to mention its most popular, was gone.

Accurate parallels could be drawn with Eidos and Sports Interactive, makers of the bestselling Championship Manager series. The former kingpins of publishing seem to have made a big mistake by allowing the Collyer brothers, Paul and Oliver and their Sports Interactive company to go the same way as Pixar. The result? The imperial Football Manager 2005.

So it’s hello review copy, bye-bye sleep. Anyone who’s ever played the old Championship Manager games will know how sickeningly addictive/frustrating/nerve wrecking they can be. And some things, like Manchester City, never change.

Slip-up, or have your team counter attacking just a little too much, and you’re buggered.

Football Manager, like CM4 is very, very hard. Even those with a really good knowledge of the game will take a few seasons to really get into their stride. Here, it is so hard to perfect your tactics, that within a few games you are jumping around the room shouting at or punching your monitor/keyboard/self.

Thankfully, if you’re as rubbish as me, the hundreds of dedicated Champ-Man/FM2005 sites that offer tactics and tips are invaluable.

The secret to the success of Champ was its huge database of players, coaches and physios. You wouldn’t have been surprised if you could transfer tea-ladies. Sports Interactive may have lost the series name but FM2005’s greatest appeal is that it has retained the database and the source code of Champ making it CM5 in all but name.

And that’s all it needs really. Using a refined version of the CM4 engine, Football Manager plays like a dream. Champ Man fans will already know what great developers Sports Interative are, and the

chances are, they’ll already own a copy of any of the prequels.

Championship Manager has been known to end relationships, cause depression and ruin careers.

Thankfully, Football Manager cruelly continues this tradition. Improved game speeds, media interaction and player responsiveness, throw down the gauntlet to Eidos’ new game. With over 4,000,000 copies of Championship Manager sold already, will fans cross over to Football Manager? If they’ve got any sense they will.

It may mean losing sleep and your friends, but what does that matter if you get Kidderminster into the playoffs?

At the end of the day, it’s a game of two halves; and if you want to score, put Football Manager 2005 in the back of your net!

(That’s enough football cliches, not ‘alf, oh bugger- Ed)

The Best of the Web Digital

39

Thundercats, ho!

80s + Cartoons = http://80scartoons.co.uk/ = Genius

T

here is a fond place in our hearts for the classic cartoons of the 80s, which is why a hoard of websites offer information on 80s cartoons in general, or on specific shows. This website is by far the best available, and its creators obviously love the subject material. The range of cartoons that they provide information on, is immense, and includes: Thundercats, He-man, The Moomins, Ulysses 31; and many, many more.

The information provided, generally includes a summary of the cartoon in question and individual episode summaries; but, it doesn’t end there. Each series that they feature has been carefully researched, and you will find information on: action figures, DVDs and other merchandise available; plus various pictures, sound and video clips.

Two of the best featured series are Bucky O’ Hare and Thundercats.

The Bucky pages have: episode guides, the theme music, a video clip of the introduction from the show, pictures and the song lyrics written down for your pleasure.

Thundercats is even better, as it features guides for all 130 episodes, has various theme tunes to listen to, as well as wallpapers and a font to download.

However, my personal favourite has to be an audio blooper reel of the actors messing up their lines. Ever wanted to hear the Thundercats swear?

The website also contains the usual links, polls, news, updates and forums to keep you entertained. But the truth is, you’re probably most interested in the theme tunes and pictures which will bring back childhood memories. If there is any criticism to be had of the site, it is the fact that there are some unprofessional aspects to it, which, are probably to be expected when the site is run by fans for fans. Two problems that exist, are that many backgrounds that you can download are fuzzy in appearance, whilst the occasional broken link does pop up.

The first problem is something we, (the viewers) cannot help with; but, broken links can easily be reported which I urge you to do on any site you visit.

Apart from these few minor problems, the site is paradise for any fan of 80s cartoons and, given that many drunken discussions revert to favourite cartoons from your childhood years, 80scartoos.co.uk can prove very useful indeed.

Bren Coopey

Bucky! Captain Bucky O’Hare!

40

Arts

grartsmail@hotmail.com

Quench 11 04

The jumble stages of theatre Extravagance! @ The Gate EXTRAVAGANCE WAS an incredibly bizarre play which seemed to have a preoccupation with audience participation, acting whilst climbing over the audience and… balloons.

It was a “coming of age” story in which 18 year old Will tries to escape the clutches of his overbearing father, by running away from home, and travelling to America to find his more irresponsible, uncle Josh.

The director and writer Rob Lacey tried to deal with themes and ideas about freedom, which the dialogue could not quite develop subtly, or even interestingly. The main saving grace of the play was the central performance

by Alex Felton, whose energy and belief in his role kept the play slightly alive.

At the end, I felt there was too much in the way of unanswered questions, such as why did Josh go to America in the first place and why was his father such an unfeeling twat?

In a Q & A session after, the director claimed he wanted the audience to find the answers themselves, which is all very nice, but a slightly unrealistic expectation. I’m certain the audience went away as puzzled as I did, wondering where the dramatic revelations had gone to. Still I got a free balloon.

Ellen Waddell

Piano Tuner @ New Theatre AS A VIRGIN to the operatic scene, I was somewhat apprehensive about this performance by the Music Theatre Wales.

My intrigue had been aroused when I heard that The Piano Tuner was soon to be released as a major film, starring Jude Law, and in learning it was an opera, my intrigue was heightened.

The performance entails, unsurprisingly, a Piano Tuner and his journey across the world to Burma, detailing the beauty he sees and the beauty he learns, juxtaposed with the atrocities of death in a time when war is rife as the Empires crumble.

Balancing on the fine line between relaxing and boring, the opera was saved by the visual aesthetics. The stage design had perfect composition and allowed the actors to encapsulate the journey, with the costumes being a credit to the company. The beauty of eastern culture was epitomised in both dress and movement, and brought the production to life.

Despite finding the operatic genre a little dull, the performance was well executed and in re-reading the synopsis, looks set to provide an excellent role for Jude to get in to; think perhaps The Talented Mr Ripley but without the singing.

Natalie Slater

Stone City Blue @ Chapter Arts Centre

ED THOMAS’ Stone City Blue is an intense experience. It tells the story of Ray, (who appears to be a troubled man). Four actors voice the complexity of Ray’s mind; sometimes performing as one character, sometimes two or four.

This is certainly not a traditional, comforting play with a nice conclusion (or even a coherent plot.) It is an explosion – or perhaps implosion – of language, memory, sanity and consciousness.

The fast-pace, complex script is executed brilliantly by the actors. In particular, Richard Harrington rages and blazes with all the energy of a madman.

Although it is sometimes hard to follow what exactly is going on, the power of the acting and language in the play is astonishing. Skins are pealed back to reveal life, death, love and loss in an innovative and challenging piece of theatre.

However, this also means that Stone City Blue is not for the fainthearted.

Kim O’Connor

Turner Overdrive

T

he weather in Wales may feel anything but inspirational to the average student on a wet November morning, but the volatile climate of the country’s northern peaks motivated Turner to produce some of his finest work. This collection of thirty sketches and watercolours filling only two small rooms provides an intense and poetic view of north Wales at the turn of the 18th century.

Centering around the young artist’s last tour of Wales in 1799, the exhibition also displays several earlier works from studies in England. This illustrates Turner’s shift in focus at around this time, from meticulous attention of architectural detail, to his famous fascination with the effects of light.

Arts

41

His work from this tour concentrates on the grandeur of Snowdonia, setting the rich dark colours of the mountains, against powerful brooding skies, full of gathering clouds.

Since its previous appearance at the Tate Gallery, the collection has stirred new research into the exact geographical whereabouts of some of Turner’s scenes. A difficult task, since the power of his work often comes from the way in which he manipulated elements of the landscape, altering nature to create a more perfect version of reality.

Some of the landscapes Turner worked on are today changed beyond recognition, but this legacy of paintings allows us to look into Wales’ past through the artist’s eye.

Helen Thompson

Turner: landscape

The Beast has arrived S ixty hours of Wales Millennium opening madness!

Bringing together performers from across the globe, the events of the opening are set to include: November 26 - 7.30pm @ Donald Gordon Theatre: Five leading welsh artists will be honoured with a mix of musical, film and performance tributes.

Nov 27 10am to 6.30pm @ public spaces of Wales Millennium Centre.

Free performances by Wales’ leading musicians from jazz to Classical, World to traditional, the beast has it all!

Also, on the same day @ Weston Studio: 9.45am Welsh National Opera perform through listening eyes 10.30am Rap Choirs performed by Cardiff youth 11.45am The good, the bad and the cuddly production.

6.15pm Hansel and Gretel Opera.

7.30pm @ Roahld Dahl Plass Hymns and Arias will be illuminating the Bay with choir singing, lights and fireworks.

The producions!

Cirque Eloize ‘Rain’

“Comme une pluie dans tes yeux” (“like rain in your eyes”) Cirque Eloize ‘Rain’ will certainly bring tears of joy when it descends upon the Wales Millennium Centre on Dec 11.

The magical circus blends traditional circus acts with a theatrical production, a must see before Christmas.

Christmas Presence

Ding-Dong merrily on high, the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra and soprano Kathleen Battle are singing! If you fancy spicing up your Christmas with a bit of classical music magic, get your arse down to the Wales Millennium Centre and re-kindle that Christmas spirit.

Dec 4 7.30pm

Sleeping Beauty on ice

It’s Sleeping Beauty, that classic Disney film you loved as a kid (Don’t deny it gentleman, we all know you love it), but it’s bigger and better. For one, they are real people and two, it’s ON ICE! Tchaikovsky, ballet and an ice stage. What more could you want? This winter wonderland production is set to be a big hit.

January 12 - 22 Laura Quinn

42

Going Out

Quench 11 04

grmagazine@cf.ac.uk

T

Photo: Luke Pav ey

his week, Going Out gives you an introduction to a trio of new (-ish) venues, oddly dominated by an eastern influence. We polished up our best Mr Miyagi impressions (which was rather pointless for me, seeing as I went to Bar Copa), and ventured into the unknown...

THE FUNKY BUDDHA Woodville Road Buddha was the founder of a religion of spiritual purity in the 5th century BC, which makes him quite funky all things considered. Obviously the most fitting homage to him, was to open a café-bar opposite the tool-hire shop on Woodville Road.

Opened at the end of last summer, The Funky Buddha serves as trendy café in the daytime, enabling you to drink your latte just like the holy man would have wanted you to. It provides a goldfish bowl view of all those students going to and from lectures, and the comfy couches allow plenty of relaxation after your own exhausting two-hour day.

At night, the candles and lamps come out, for a cosier eating atmosphere. The menu’s pretty flash - no Tesco Value chicken Kiev here. If you’re in the courting game, you could plan worse evenings than slapping on the Old Spice and heading down here.

If you’re with your crew though, much better to head for the neighbouring Yellow Card haven of the Woody, as the drinks prices here would make even George Best think twice; although the truly expansive cocktail menu was enough to make Mr Editor and myself feel like kids in a (fairly expensive, alcoholic) sweet shop.

The Funky Buddha is a pretty cool place to hang out. It feels like Bistro 116 but with a more cosy, relaxed feel (in other words, it’s extremely small).

It’s possibly better suited to the infinitely trendier Mill Lane, but then maybe Cathays was crying out for somewhere a bit different and a bit classy. It may not quite attain the zen of the Dalai Lama in here, but considering its location, it’s a fine attempt.

Steve Crofts ... the O.D.B. of Quench

Zushi: turning Japanese...

BAR COPA Wharton Street Just off St Mary’s Street, Bar Copa is housed in what was formerly The Glassworks. This, however, is pretty much where the comparison ends.

Whereas the latter used to do 50p shots, this place would cock a wellheeled snoop at such vulgar populism.

It’s one of those pine and pottedpalm tree, leather sofa, not-a-hair-outof-place trendy bars that boost your credibility, whilst fleecing your wallet. I suppose what you’re paying for, is a certain level of quality: the food menu looked extremely attractive, and the prices serve to keep away the worst of the Jumpin’ Jaks types, if they’re not your cup of tea. But come on, how many of you wouldn’t bat an eyelid at paying four quid for a glass of wine?

Copa’s redeeming feature, however, is its extensive selection of draught continental ‘biers’ (it’s foreign like, innit).

Balls to Oz Clarke and Jilly Goolden, beer tasting is surely the way forward.

This isn’t a bad place to stop off for a couple of drinks (after that you might have to get out your fucking chequebook), or to bring the other half, especially if you want somewhere quiet enough to be able to hold a conversation without shouting. But this is where we arrive at why Bar Copa just didn’t manage to quite win me over.

Setting aside the prices, and allowing for the fact that it’s meant to be chilled out, there just seemed to be a distinct lack of atmosphere. It felt like sitting inside a half-empty designer handbag: nice and cream-coloured, reassuringly expensive, but pretty bloody boring.

Dave Adams

ZUSHI Queen Street Zushi is a trendy new sushi restaurant, situated in the newly renovated Aspect by Queen Street Station. What instantly sets it apart from virtually any other restaurant, is its self-service conveyor belt. Kinda like an airport baggage carousel, various dishes pass you by and you just lift off anything that catches your eye. Just hope you’re not competing with a bunch of lardy American tourists, though, or you could end up going hungry. The menu guide helps you identify what it is you’re actually eating, and whether you choose to sit at the counter, or in a booth for a more intimate dining experience, the conveyor belt is within easy reach of every seat.

The informality of it all creates a relaxed atmosphere; the usual anxieties of menu selection in other restaurants is removed, and you can dine at your own pace. The dishes are small but reasonably priced (from £1.50 to £3.50), so each diner can sample a range of food without breaking the bank. They also cater for the non-fish-lover and vegetarian, offering noodles, chicken teriyika, miso soup, mixed salad etc.

Zushi has something to offer everyone, from sushi connoisseurs to those who just want to try out something new. It brings a fun and exciting eating experience to Cardiff that manages to be sophisticated, without being ‘sophisticatedly’ pricey.

Erina Gavin Come and ‘ave a go if you think you’re hard enough. Meetings 5pm Mondays, 4th floor. Email grmagazine@cf.co.uk.

C u l t C l a s s i c s

grclassics@cf.ac.uk

Quench 11 04

43

Another classic game and film this fortnight and, as Christmas is on its way, we invite you to feel a little festive with Joni Mitchell IGBY GOES DOWN

THE LOST VIKINGS

BLUE

Dir: Burr Steers (2002)

Publisher: Blizzard (1992)

Joni Mitchell

Starring: Kieran Culkin, Claire Danes

Do you ever feel like you’re “drowning in assholes?” This is the darkly comic mindset of Igby Slocumbe Jnr, hero of Igby Goes Down. This film is so deliciously black and cynical it could never be anything less than a cult classic. It is the story of a privileged young man whose off-the-wall upbringing has left him pretty much unable to function in life.

Igby is surrounded by a host of ridiculous yet believable characters.

From his monstrous pill-popping mother, Mimi (“It’s much less cumbersome than ‘Heinous One’”), to Russell “the painter that doesn’t paint” and his drag queen pals. Igby’s life has been reduced to a series of farcical setpieces from which he manages to uncover real human emotion. The characters cry out from behind their sceptical acts for understanding.

Claire Danes makes a convincing turn as bohemian drop-out Sookie Sapperstein. Kieran Culkin hauls out some amazing characterisation in the title role, which positions him as a serious future acting talent, while Ryan Philippe pops up as Igby’s “evil niblet” older brother Ollie. This film was made for anyone who ever felt they didn’t quite fit in with life’s plan.

It has razor sharp dialogue just begging to be quoted, real cinematic style and deserves to be much bigger and well-known. But thank God it isn’t, because now you can feel smug that you have the good taste to know about it.

Sarah Godfrey Igby and Sookie share a moment

Norsing around Take three Scandinavians, one alien spaceship and a preposterous storyline - mix well and distribute. If you've guessed already, then well done: we're talking about Blizzard's 1992 platformer The Lost Vikings. If you’ve never heard of it, you’ve missed out.

Imagine Commandos crossed with Sonic Heroes and you’re somewhere along the route to imagining this game.

Each of the three characters had their own unique abilities: Erik was the only character able to jump and could smash down walls with a charging headbutt. Olaf could protect himself and anyone behind him with his shield and also use it as a glider, while Baelog was capable of attacking the monsters that barred your way.

What made this game really special is that you had to constantly switch between the characters, trying to use their abilities in tandem. Ok, so this doesn’t sound so special now but at the time it was truly groundbreaking.

With in-game vocals years away, TLV still had to use printed speech bubbles. Blizzard more than compensated for this by giving us a rib-achingly funny script, most of which revolved around stooges-esque banter between the three characters.

This was a viciously hard strategy game (I never ever completed it) disguised as a cute platformer. And now it’s available for GameBoy Advance.

Rejoice!

Rob Martin

Warner Brothers (1971)

Fucking Richard Curtis. Not only does he inflict the unadulterated demographic-shagging Love, Actually (please) on us, he also manages to ruin one of my favourite songs.

Now, whenever I hear River, the most touching Christmas song ever written, all I can think of is Emma Thompson’s silly face telling Alan Rickman that “Joni Mitchell was her emotional education”. Yuk yuk yuk!

Listening to Blue for the first time may leave you with the impression that it’s a bit wet and, well, a little bit ‘Working Title Rom-com’. But you’d be wrong. Rather than her compatriot, ballad guff-ball Celine Dion, Mitchell keeps it nice and simple. Tracks rarely comprise more than her angelic, though never shrill voice, a piano and her acoustic guitar.

It is River, the album’s centre-piece, which inspired me to praise this album. Jingle Bells provides the melody for Mitchell’s voice and the piano to skirt around. We all know the feeling. It’s Christmas, everything is a bit much, it’s dark and cold outside, and you wish you had “a river to skate away on” too. Mitchell’s articulation of winter loneliness is so good you can picture yourself with her, perched on a snowy Canadian lakeside. Maybe not. But it’s still better than that bloody Slade song.

Blue is a sad, end-of-relationship album. Not to be listened to on a sunny day by any means. I’ll get Curtis for that.

Will Dean Look out Curtis

44

F o o d

grfood@cf.ac.uk

Quench 11 04

Keeping it real Laura Tovey finds out real food can make a real difference in the community at the Riverside Real Food Market

T

he bright lights and shiny packaging, not to mention convenience and cheap prices of the supermarkets, mean that most of us are shopping sheep.

For all the different packets on the shelves, we buy whatever the big companies with the best advertising decree. But that doesn’t have to be the case. Ken Moon, the manager of Riverside Real Food Market, tells us how it’s all about real choice.

“The market is about the fact that if you find bread on two separate stalls, you can be sure that the two types of bread will be very different as well. It hasn’t just got a different packaging on it, or, you know, is baked by a different company and all made in the same factory. It’s actually very different bread.”

As well as the range of food, the market challenges the ethics of the supermarkets.

“Even if you’re buying Welsh produce in the supermarket, it has probably gone to a depot in England somewhere before it’s comes back into Wales,” Ken says.

“The food here hasn’t gone through a whole production process.

The veg guy for example, has taken all his vegetables straight from his farm to the market.

“And also, if you have any questions about the food, you can ask the person who has grown or made it.

That gives the market food an element of traceability and answerability you won’t find at many other places.”

As I walk around, stall holders who have no idea that I’m writing an arti-

NOT A SUPERMARKET: Ken Moon in front of one of the stalls. Photograph by Maria Cox.

cle, offer me food to try, and tell me about their products. They seem genuinely passionate about good food and willing to just chat about the goods they’re selling.

But of course, there’s no denying that the prices tend to be a little higher than at Lidl. According to Ken, it comes down to priorities.

“You have to decide whether or not you want to be able to buy designer clothes, a nice car – all this stuff that people think is what they want - or whether you want to spend a bit more on food during the week. Food is the fuel that keeps us going every day, so cutting corners on food will have implications for our health.”

There definitely are plenty of advantages to the market. For a start, there are the opportunities it gives to traders.

“Each stall here employs two or three people, so you have far more people employed in this market for the amount of produce being sold, than you have in a supermarket.”

However, this does mean that Ken sometimes has to compromise on the ‘local food’ ideal.

“The olives, for example, they’re not grown in this country, not yet, but it’s just something that customers want.

“And if they don’t buy from here, they’ll buy it from the supermarket so, we’d rather people buy from here and give small businesses an opportunity to make a living.”

The one thing there isn’t though, is any policy on produce being organic that would go against the ethos of real choice.

“We can have our own ideas, but we can’t force them onto other people, all we can do is provide a space in which

Food

FIVE A DAY: The produce at the vegetable store comes straight from the stall holder’s farm to the market. people can learn about these kind of subjects, which is why we have an information table with information of Fair Trade and organic food. It’s about educating customers as well as producers,” explains Ken. Some of the producers are certified organic, and others use organic methods, but lack the official acknowledgement. All you need to do to find out, is ask the stallholders.

Ken claims one of the main differences from shopping in the supermarket is that food shopping becomes a social activity.

“It’s about spending the morning, taking your time about it, tasting some of the food, meeting people. On a Sunday it’s the heart of the community.”

The community focus extends beyond Sunday shopping.

“We do a lot of outreach into the local community. We’ve done a couple of workshops with ethnic minority focussing on the ethos of the market and on healthy eating.

“Some of it has been done in schools where we have had fruit picking sessions. The kids have gone down to the local fruit farm and then

45

come to the market the following week and seen what they’ve picked at the market.”

The group of Riverside residents who started the market have big plans for the community.

“Within five years we want to get a mobile shop on the go, which will take produce from the market and sell it to all the different communities in Riverside and Grangetown.

“And then we’re also looking at setting up a training centre, community kitchen and café.

“We’ve linked up with the volunteer service at Cardiff University. There’s a page on our website about the volunteering”.

Even though it is raining, the market is busy and people are shopping, chatting and generally having a good morning out. I try all kinds of food and resolve to return and treat myself to something delicious occasionally. And if you need any further persuasion to check the market out, Ken has a winning argument: "It beats watching Grandstand." Not that that’s hard.

Riverside market: Sundays 10am2pm, on Fitzammon Embankment.

46 B l i n d

D a t e

grblinddate@cf.ac.uk

Quench 11 04

Lonely Hearts The date @ Mike Harris

R o s s R e d f e rn

21-year-old, 1st year Maths student hoping to meet a nice guy for friendship and maybe more.

22-year-old, 2nd year Spanish and Sociology student looking for friendship.

NB: Cilla not included

1. What was your first impression of Mike?

He seemed really friendly, I hadn’t seen him around before.

2. Did sparks fly?

No real attraction, well not on my part.

3. Did you have a lot to talk about or were you constantly looking at your watch?

There were no awkward moments, he’s friendly and easy to talk to.

4. Did you go out after the date?

No 5 What were your lasting impressions of Mike?

Nice guy, but we are very different people with different interests, but I’d speak to him if I saw him again.

6. Will you see each other again?

No intentions to, but i would stop and chat if i saw him around.

Rate your date out of 5

1. What was your first impression of Ross?

Nice guy, quite cute.

2. Did sparks fly?

No not really.

3. Did you have a lot to talk about or were you constantly looking at your watch?

We talked but it was a bit forced, it was not that easy to talk as we were strangers.

4. Did you swap numbers?

No. 5. What were your lasting impressions of Ross?

He was a nice person, but there was no romance there.

6. Will you see each other again?

No.

Rate your date out of 5

Calling all singletons, fancy the chance to meet your love match and get some free food and booze? Then contact me at grblinddate@cf.ac.uk or ring/text me on 07746503742...what’s the worst that could happen?

S exual H ealth A w areness G roup.

The ShAg office is open week week days days between between 12 - 1 for confidenconfidential advice and suppor t.

Free condoms available available ever ever y day day.

If you want to hump, cover your stump.

We’ll meet again...

G

Quench 11 04

od, but I feel like an ignoramus at the moment. I mean it took me a week, both times, to find out that Brian Clough and Jacques Derrida had died. (Incidentally, I was quite shocked by old Cloughie’s passing, not because of any affection for the man, but because he seemed to embody that sort of indestructible quality, shared by Tony Benn and Jim Bowen.) At the moment I have hardly any knowledge of current affairs or breaking news as work involves walking up and down in tight shoes dishing out gammon, baguettes and beer in a woodpanelled room, forcing myself to be polite to rude, venal idiots. My only link wit the outside world is the previous day’s Echo, whose splendid world affairs reporting keeps me up to date with what Catherine ZetaJones is doing with her hair. Any actual discussion of current affairs seems to be limited to: “So, what about that smoking ban? Y’reckon it’ll come in?” which is better than: “What about them asylum seekers, eh?” but not by a great distance. I think I can feel my brain dying. A word of advice readers: if you’re going to take up work in a pub, don’t do it for any longer than three years. You will turn into a psychopath. Trust me on this.

any problems I have in these areas are no-one’s fault but my own and only an idiot would moan about those. My dislike of this page stems from three things: it’s irrelevant to Quench as a whole. Nobody, apart from a few friends, reads it.

Finally, it feels totally out of place and out of context, written as it is by someone technically no longer a student.

Firstly, Quench concerns itself with reviews, features, interviews, and already has opinion columns. Anyone can see that my writing style and that of these pieces are markedly different – make of that what you will, as politeness forbids me to make any other comment.

Face it, nobody reads this bit.

This gives me a sense of despondency, and in turn the somewhat dubious quality of the writing deteriorates. Quite frankly, one page of this size isn’t enough to write what I want and include pictures, so yeah, visually, it’s shite.

Hopefully my successor here will be able to turn things around, coming from a section of gair rhydd that always gets read. And finally, yeah I’m abdicating this column because I don’t want to be associated with some the appalling drivel that certain other contributors submit.

It may be blatant hypocrisy to write this, but I really fucking hate doing this column. Here I am, after a hard day’s work, sweating away in the airless atmosphere of the office. Ufucking–2 are playing in the background, I can’t think of a single thing to write, and I haven’t even been home yet.

Okay, that’s just the anger (caused by having to be polite all day whilst wearing shoes half a size too small) seeping out of me, but nevertheless, I just don’t like writing this thing.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s quite a privilege to be allowed to express myself like this. I’m not moaning about the issue of deadlines and length of copy –

Okay, I have written a fair old amount of questionable, space-filling, lazy nonsense in my time, but at least I could construct a sentence without resorting to a barrage of cliches, cheap smut and snobbery.

Some people seem quite happy to dumb themselves down, accepting and propagating mediocrity, and this really fucks me off. Yeah, yeah – the last desperate words of a selfimportant loser… I know, I know. Thanks to anyone who actually enjoyed this stuff: keep reading the column, as someone else will be doing a much better job. Goodbye, my otters. Face facts, kids: you’re better off without me.

Face it, nobody reads this bit.

Well, maybe this, as it’s a puller quote.

See?

47

Your Horoscopes... with Madame Cynthia Sagittarius (Nov 23 Dec 21) It may be good to let rip with an ear-rattling, room-shaking guff now and again, but not whilst massaging the heart. Avoid the chilli tonight.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Mars and Venus reach a perfect equilibrium next week, leaving you perfectly balanced.

This isn’t much consolation when in front of a firing squad, mind.

Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 18) That gammon suit looks quite a treat, thank God you’ve started wearing meat. Those bacon shoes, that sausage tie - those little pigs just had to die!

Pisces (Feb19 - Mar 20) If you should encounter a man wearing an entire outfit made of pork, do not turn him away. He is your biological father, and you must live with him.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20) Tragedy strikes next week, as you fall under the terrible misconception that your dubious ‘debating’ skills are of interest to others, especially where homeless people are concerned.

Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21) Sitting alone in a room, typing away beneath the glare of a plasma screen isn’t most people’s idea of fun. Nor, as it turns out, is it yours.

Gemini (May 22 - June 22) Chips for dinner, chips for tea, chips on the way home from the pub. You’ll soon die, you spotty fat fucker.

Cancer (June 22 - July

22) Try and see those crabs as honoured guests and watch your social life improve!

Leo (July 23 - Aug 23) Although the Moon’s first quarter will inspire you, you’re still not convincing me in that shade of yellow.

Virgo (Aug 24 - Sep 22) Yeah, yeah, we’ve all been to Tesco. How many of us can add “...in an enormous cannonball”? You. Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 23) You think you’re so big with your air and your walking and all that malarkey. Listen pal, you wouldn’t last five minutes at the bottom of this canal. Mind you, you’re getting there.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) Hey, cuntface, leaving us so soon? And there we were, thinking that the smell of rotten sweat soaked in whisky would be with us forever.

Free! Free at last! No more of that idiotic factotum Gates! Do not fear, dear reader. I will not be going away, to spend my days in a debtors’ prison. Unlike some people here.