Quench - Issue 29

Q U E N C H INTERVIEWS - FASHION - GAY - TRAVEL - MUSIC BOOKS - DIGITAL - FILM - ARTS - FOOD - GOING OUT

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E U ISS 29 10 O C T. 20 05 EMAP T EN ST U D N

PUBL

IC AT IO

OF EAR E TH Y

Matinee Idols

- PAGE 25 N R U T E R D N A N I D R E FRANZ F Partridge - Cult

Murray - Mint

DO YO U WA NT TO ?

Killer Wales

E T A M STREET Blind Date takes to the streets of Cardiff

Contents Cardiff University

04 06 07 09 12 16 18 22 23 26 33 37 42 44 45 46

Best Student Publication 2005

quench@gairrhydd.com

Mr Chuffy: Pet-rifying Interviews: The 60s. Dead mate Travel: Settee-sing us Blind Date: Davina intervention Food: Put this in your mouth Features: Make Doherty History Going Out: Cock-Roath Debate: Slam dunk the funk Music: Franz-tastic Books: Nepo-tastic Film:The Corpse Bride. Not Camilla Arts: A big box Digital: Handheld fun Sport: Boring. Football that is TV: No director home

Editor Will Dean Executive editor Tom Wellingham Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan

Sub-editors Emma Wilkins, Sam Coare Arts Kim O’Connor, Rebecca Child Books James Skinner Columnists John Widdop, Tim Lewis Cult Classics Matt Turtle Debate Helen Rathbone Digital Sam Curtis Fashion Charlotte Howells, Clare Hooker Features Kerry Lynne-Doyle, Hannah Perry Film Catherine Gee, Ryan Owen Food Sian Hughes Going Out Lisa O’Brien Interviews Xandria Horton Mr Chuffy Andy Johnson Music Sam Coare, Harold Shiel, Greg Cochrane One Trick Pony Geordie Photography Luke Pavey, Adam Gasson Travel Bec Storey, Amy Harrison Contributors Will Shmit, Simon Clode, Dave Jennings, Emyr Price, Luke Pavey, James Skinner, Kirsten Adcock, Will Walker, Jenna Stevens, John Widdop, Adam Boulton, Elgan Iorwerth, Colm Loughlin, Andy Llewellyn, Ellen Waddell, Tim Lewis, Sophie Robehmed Photographers and illustrators Tim Cochrane, Elgan Iorwerth Proof readers Alison Howe, Jess Anderson, Elgan Iorwerth, Andrew Mickel, Xandria Horton Cover design Will Dean Thought of the week: “Where does the term Prima Donna come from? Er, Italy?”

03

QED

Best Student Magazine Nominee 2005

OTP: Pickled foetuses

10 10 05

A

h, the faux-pas, the socio-cultural phenomenon that provides the basis for both brilliant embarrassment and brilliant comedy. From Fawlty Towers to Seinfeld, to The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm and most recently Extras, people saying or doing the wrong thing is one of the best sources of comedy.

Although not a patch on Larry David or Basil Fawlty, I’ve not been unfamiliar with cock-ups. For instance this morning, armed with a hangover and a bad memory I saw two of my first-year housemates, one of whom had recently celebrated a belated birthday. That was what threw me and I immediately set about enquiring if they’d enjoyed their birthday. Obviously I asked the wrong one and soon wished for the dairy aisle to spontaneously combust to hide my blushes.

Another favourite was ringing up a friend to ask him a question about his girlfriend only to find out that they had broken up THREE MINUTES earlier and thought my call was her ringing back. Ouch.

I’m sure those of you who have just joined us in Cardiff will have probably said something stupid to someone who you don’t really know, see one of our writers describing a girl as ‘a cancer’ to someone whose mother was dying of the aforementioned disease.

Thankfully for the aforementioned writer and myself our cock-ups were kept amongst ourselves and our friends. The best false-steps are those made in public (see; Bush, George W.).

I think my personal favourite is Princess Margaret (and the rest of her family takes some beating) telling the Mayor of Chicago, “the Irish, they’re pigs” before being quitely reminded that her Mayoral host was of Irish descent. Yes! So the lesson here children is this, think before you speak. Unless you’re the Duke Of Edinburgh because then it’s just funny. Unless you’re happy to be ‘slitty eyed’, Scottish, deaf, Tom Jones, Canadian, Scottish again, unemployed...

Happy Birthday Sophie. I’m sorry.

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One Trick Pony

10 10 05

24 Weeks

S

itting in a pub beer garden with simply not thought about what she was doing at all? some friends at the end of the What was going through the mind summer, we overheard a young of the barman that served her, doing lady having a heated argument with his job as a pub employee but remiss what I assume was her boyfriend in his duty as a responsible vendor of over the phone. She then got up and a potentially harmful substance? Not went to the bar, coming back with his problem? Expectant Mother’s free two large glasses of wine – one for choice? Simple fear for his herself, the other for her job if he refused service? friend.

What was going through I say ‘coming back’, the mind of Expectant but ‘staggering back’ is Mother’s friend as this hapmore accurate, as she pened? The belief that was a little unbalanced, ‘Mother Knows Best’? not just through alcohol Simple unwillingness to get consumption, but involved or get into a (losing) because she was carryHaving Words argument. (This was partially ing something. In her shared, I’m ashamed to say, by my womb. Unable to sit by the heavily friends and I, as we walked away pregnant lady on a bender, we went rather than stick our noses in. back inside.

What was going through this expec- Though we were also partly too horrified to say anything even if we’d tant mother’s mind as she raised her wished to.) glass? Ignorance, or indifference?

What was going through the unborn Was she unaware of the potential baby’s mind, or at least its brain, was damage her actions might do to her enough alcohol to cause serious and unborn child, or did she simply not care? Was it the erroneous belief that lasting damage – damage attributable mostly to his or her mother without ‘just this once won’t hurt’? Had she

GEORDIE

the intelligence to offer her child all the protection she was able to, partially to a negligent barman, and partially to every onlooker afraid to take social responsibility and point out that actually getting mindlessly pissed might not be such a clever idea love, for fear of the inevitable response of ‘what’s it got to do with you’ causing a scene.

Unable to sit by the heavily-pregnant lady on a bender, we went back inside 24-hour drinking? Well… it got my backing on the basis that each and every individual should have the right to choose and be responsible for their own drinking habits and we don’t need protecting by legislation thank you. But we aren’t responsible.

And I fear it may only mean that I may have to leave pubs at later and later times in more and more horror.

(Overrated) Dreaming, as Eduardo Noriega’s character in Abre Los Ojos so incisively pointed out, is shit. I’d rather my neurons settled themselves down quietly, thank you.

There are, you see, three main types of dream: the Nightmare, more often than not featuring both Sauron and Skeletor, which are unnecessarily terrifying. Then there’s the Surreal, such as a dream I had once about Dean Gaffney getting... ahem... ’friendly’ with Andy Peters. This is a genuine cause for concern: I’m dreaming about Dean Gaffney bumming Andy Peters - I must be fucking mental. (See also, ‘the Nightmare’, above.) The third, on the face of it, is a little more pleasant: the making-love-in-the-green-grass-behind-the-stadium-with-you kind of thing that could’ve plausibly come out of a scene set in the Shire in Lord of the Rings before Bad Things happen. And then you wake up. ( Dreams ) People often mistake me for a miserable sod. I’m not.

It’s just that I hate them. Other people, that is. They’re a bit rubbish. Before writing in to disagree, read a history book. They’re loaded with classic examples of people being generally shitty to each other. (So’s the Bible, come to think of it.) Or read/watch the news. When people can fatally knife some poor sod in a ‘Happy Slap’ (happy stab?) incident and 40 others just stand and watch (or, I don’t know, laugh?) or a President can leave his people to die in what used to be their street but is now a lake, to what other conclusion can you come? A friend of mine wrote that, vis climate change, we are causing our own genocide - as in all of the people, not just a people. Good, frankly. It’s no more than we deserve.

( Misanthropy )

(Underrated)

L e g e n d

OTP

Jeremy Clarkson, opinionated motoring journalist and expert phrasemaker with honorary degree. Can take a pie to the face with good humour.

S

ay what you like about Jezza.

Go on. [...] Finished? Yes, he’s a petrol-head, countryside-ruining gobshite; yes, he probably contributed to the demise of Rover; yes, he’s a Tory. However...

Clarkson has an excellent descriptive turn of phrase (“Triumph managed to make sports cars when they were outside the factory warming their hands round a brazier and chanting”) which makes his writing and broadcasting so read/watchable.

And, when custard-pied in the face by a sandal-wearing tree-hugger after receiving his honarary degree, he received said dessert with good humour (it was expected,

p o p VOX culture

actually). Contrast this with Tom Cruise, who threatened legal action when squirted in the face with water by somebody from Channel Four.

It’s that sense of humour that keeps him from being perceived as nothing more than an arrogant, mouthy knobend.

To the list of things to go in the plus column come the Last Day one can add: destroy caravans, warring with environmentalists (a recreational activity of which I am personally rather fond, and, of course, punching former Mirror editor Piers Morgan.

The latter should make him a legend in anyone’s book.

T o s s e r

O

k, so labelling President PG Tips a ‘tosser’ is like shooting at a fish taking candy from a baby’s barrel. It was inevitable. This page has ignored all manner of knobwittery from the emperor of America. Iraq, Kyoto, New Orleans and having an IQ exactly half that of his predecessor, for example. But this?

This takes the proverbial. If you can’t decipher the note in the picture, or haven’t heard about it already (where have you been?), it reads: “I think I MAY NEED A BATHROOM BREAK? Is this possible?

W” [sic] Sorry, you think you may need a bathroom break? You don’t know?

05

Jesus, George, get a nappy mate.

Is this possible? You don’t know that either? You’re the Commanderin-Chief of the most powerful armed forces in the world and you have to ask Condoleeza Rice if you can put your hand up to ask Kofi Annan if you’re allowed to take a piss?

“I think I may want to be President, is this possible?” No. But you can do it anyway, and bollocks to the voters.

“I think I may want to invade Iraq, is this possible?” No. Apparently the UN reckon it might be illegal. Sod it, we’ll do it anyway.

“Whatdya say this big red button does again?”

George W Bush, US President. Needs potty training. Yes, it was only a matter of time...

Vox Pop-Culture delves into the murky world of your culture collections... this week Laura Evans, 19, 2nd Year Genetics

FIRST AND WORST CD...

First CD I think was probably Take That’s Everything Changes and the worst has to be Steptacular by Steps.

BESTEST BOOK...

Little Women by Louisa Alcott is a good one. When I was 12, I remember it all made sense to me at that time.

THE LAST FILM I WENT TO SEE WAS...

Cinderella Man was really good and very Rocky-esque but I thought Renée Zellweger was pretty poor in it.

FAVOURITE TELLY...

The Simpsons as it always makes me laugh even though I’ve seen it a lot. Lost has a good continuity and I’ve been pretty hooked having watched the entire series already and I also enjoy the random humour in Scrubs.

IF I WAS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER I’D BE...

Bubbles from Powerpuff Girls as my boyfriend told me that I am like her because I’m little and squeaky.

THE ONE PIECE OF POP CULTURE I COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT...

The antics of Pete Doherty in the tabloid mags. You know he’s either on drugs or has drugs on him.

Vox Pop-Culture needs you!

Look out for us on the Union steps armed with nothing but a dictaphone and camera.

Get thinking!

06

OTP

WARNING

This article may or may not contain traces of DNA from the late People’s Princess, Diana al-Fayed. If one were to liquidise the aforementioned article and deposit within a young maiden’s vestible I cannot substantiate the potential for penetration through narcotic deception.

Mr Chuffy Investigates...

D

Pets (no, not positron emission topography, you scrotum-tit)

ogging has ceased to be the bestial bedding of your pet and heavy petting is no longer something one would do with a young girl in a swimming pool. The relationship between man and his pet beast has become dangerously blurred.

The role of pets in the United Kingdom has a distinguished history.

In Victorian Britain it was seen as unbefitting for a boy of wealth to lose his virginity to a lady, so was encouraged to take a mule as his concubine. Once the young master had done it up the ass he would wear the poor animal’s severed head as a demonstration of 19th Century virility.

Such was their union that Blunkett could not bring himself to kill the beast, so embarked on an expedition riding the mule round Afghanistan and neighbouring Laos. So moved was The World by the simple plight of man and steed, that the actions of the future Home Secretary prompted

For all your dogging needs

the end of Civil War in the Democratic Republic of Congo. In commemoration of his actions, the national flag now features a beard on a donkey.

How much is that doggy in the window, the one with the postman’s epididymis in its chops? That’s right folks: pets are not merely a currency of the realm in many South East Asian countries but can also be a bit dangerous. In July a toddler had its puberty mauled to death by a rabid Rottweiler. The quacks say he may never be able to grow hair on his balls. The internet, so often a guest at Hotel Perversion, even contains sites celebrating dangerous pets.

Rate my Growler features savage mutts and receives over 7 hits a month. The site purveyor is encouraged to rate the viciousness of the canine on a 7-point likert scale; with 1 being “ooh I’m scared” and 7 being “as mean as a Mongoloid”.

Under new police powers loving your pet too publicly could make you a terrorist. At the recent Labour party conference a gentleman was evicted from the hall and held under the antiterrorist legislation for building a 60ft papier-mâché effigy to his pet goat.

The goat was mistaken by the local constabulary for an email containing the word ‘jihad’. The animal has since been destroyed.

Not even pet cemeteries are safe from Terrorists. The dead second cousin of Pingu the Siamese cat was dug up last month by an animal rights group. The cat, named after a penguin, had killed a shrew four years earlier in a fit of hunting. An individual working for the militant rodent and arachnoid protection group RAT:FIST (Rodents And Tarantulas: Fighting Inter-Species Torture) has claimed responsibility. The group claim that as an alternative to killing wee mammals, cats should be encouraged to hunt bees because they’re stupid and twatty. Ironically, Pingu went on to save one of the group members when they were savagely attacked by a wax drawing of

Huntingdon Life Sciences.

With the spotlight intensifying on celebrity intoxication, stars have taken to giving their pets narcotics.

Next month’s Vogue magazine premieres the latest heroin boho-hobomobo-robo chic, with the front page depicting a chinchilla sniffing superglue. The gutter press has allegedly already reported on Kate Moss’ Doberman ketamine hell. The smooth-coated canine allegedly spends up to £800 a day on the horse tranquiliser. Pets on drugs is not a new phenomenon though - the 1997 Prodigy smash hit Smack My Bitch Up was a dance track chronicling dogs on heroin and John Lennon’s pet goldfish actually thought it was a walrus after consuming over four kilos of magic mushrooms.

Mistaken by the police for an email containing the word ‘jihad’ The box-office success of erotic comedy Casper the Friendly Ghost has prompted many families to take a disembodied spirit as their pet. But think twice before housing the inhabitants of purgatory, as the Ferguson family of Bournemouth found out when they took in the ghost of dead Conservative Eurosceptic Liam Fox. “The kids really wanted Thatcher”, explained an exasperated Mrs Ferguson, “but she just won’t die”.

The Ferguson family were shocked to discover that the mischievous apparition was not even toilet-trained and were caused much embarrassment when the ghost initiated an 80-car pile up on the M4 after spilling eight tonnes of lumpy custard. Fox was one of the 47 MPs killed in the Blackpool explosion last week. The crumbled hotel remains, with the rescue operation hampered through Section 28 prohibiting Gays and Gayettes from searching for survivors.

Interviews

interviews@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

7

LONG LIVE THE DEAD 60S

Will Schmit talks to half of The Dead 60s, fresh from their Stereophonics tour, about Fred Perry and things Stateside kicked doors in and everyone just wanted something new."

Their trans-Atlantic success has been even more surprising given their unique sound, which could vaguely be described as some form of punk/dub/ska/reggae.

“

Like the true Liverpudlians they are, the Dead 60s have managed to use their ride on the fame bandwagon to get themselves a sponsorship deal with Chav-tastic designer Fred Perry.

Matt laughs, "We bought their clothes, they saw us, and said ‘here’s a box of clothes’. Ben Sherman gave us some stuff as well but we don’t really like them."

In June the band somewhat stuttered in their ride to the top when their debut album was pulled, only hitting the shelves in late September. "It was a shame but I think it was the right decision in the end," Ben concedes. "We were doing the American tour in the summer and then we came back to do this tour. We’re pleased it’s out now, it seems like the right time for its release."

One of the British dates that the band did play in the summer was, of course, the lightning-struck Glastonbury. While there will be no festival next year, there is talk of a similar one being arranged in Ibiza.

"We’re not sure if we like the sound of it. We wouldn’t mind actually, it’d be like a holiday, as long as they bring the cows," smiles Ben wryly.

So what next for the band once they’ve toured this album? "Simple," Matt states: "That difficult second album."

“

L

iverpudlian boys The Dead 60s’ live session at Xpress gave me the chance to catch up with guitarist Ben Gordon and singer Matt McManaman. Tagged as one of this year’s hotly tipped bands, I was wondering just how crazy this year has been. And with their first major arena appearances out of the way, how they hope to emulate this success with the belated release of their debut album.

The Dead 60s, who are completed with the inclusion of bassist Charlie Turner and Bryan Johnson on drums, have recently been accompanying the Stereophonics on tour and seem to be living up to their early success on the back of singles Riot Radio and You’re Not The Law."It’s really great, but after last night we are a bit worse for wear," complains Matt. "Our guitarist is the worst."

Even if they are yet to hit the dizzy heights of rock superstardom in the UK, the Dead 60s have really been a hit Stateside, with a nation-wide tour and the release of Riot Radio really pushing them into the hearts of the often difficult American market.

"They were playing Riot Radio on the radio, we did some gigs, and then it just really seemed to happen quickly. The American market has changed since Franz Ferdinand, they really

Ben Sherman gave us some stuff as well but we don’t really like them Matt McManaman on fashion

Matt continues: "We listened to some traditional punk like The Clash, then reggae and a bit of dub. We put it all together and it came out sounding pretty good." This, they believe, could be the key to their success, especially coming from a city which is considered by some to have quite a distinct mould for their sound. "We were doing something different; we were desperately trying not to sound like other Liverpool bands." Matt reasons, "I think that was one of the main things that helped us when getting noticed."

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Travel THE THREE PEAKS: Ingleborough, Pen-y-ghent, Whernside

There’s no place like home: The Yorkshire Dales

By Amy Harrison Travel Editor

F

rom just half way up Ingleborough, one of the Three Peaks of the Yorkshire Dales, the views are simply stunning.

Limestone cliffs tear through the countryside and dry-stone walls border the fields in an ordered yet haphazard style. When I saw the dark cloud which shrouded the summit of Ingleborough, I began to contemplate whether I should follow the sun up the other side of the valley. I decided to persevere and to conquer the first of the Three Peaks. Although it was cloudy the views from the top of Ingleborough were still impressive.

Ingleborough was the only Celtic stronghold which the Romans failed to conquer. Looking down on the wild terrain from the high vantage point it is clear how the Celts managed to succeed against the Romans.

The Three Peaks in the Yorkshire Dales are a challenging and popular walk amongst hikers. Many walkers climb the three mountains, which have a combined height of 2153m and a total distance of 37.5km, in a single day. My hopes of achieving a record breaking time for climbing the peaks were thwarted when I found out the current record is two and a half hours. After weighing up the pros and cons, I decided I would admire the countryside rather than break a record.

Pen-y-ghent is the smallest of the peaks and is an instantly recognisable feature of the local landscape with its dramatic cliff edge. Eager to beat the rain, I opted for the shortest route to the peak. I strolled steadily up the gentle hill along the Pennine

Way past streams and caves. As I climbed I could see that instantly recognisable cliff edge getting closer.

This was when I discovered that the shortest route is generally the steepest. I was faced with rocks. Not to be defeated, I tentatively edged up the mountainside. At least the rain was holding off. I was relieved to reach the plateau peak. From the top the views of Ingleborough and Whernside, the third peak, were incredibly dramatic.

The landscape below was eerie with desolate fields, which seemed devoid of all life.

Unfortunately, there was little time to admire my surroundings as I spied a rain cloud heading towards me and I was desperate to get down the cliff before it got too muddy and slippery.

No such luck. With my life flashing before my eyes I scrabbled down the mountainside, relieved when the path reappeared and the incline levelled out.

Climbing Whernside was by far the most interesting of the walks, and the weather stayed dry too. I began my route by the Ribblehead viaduct which, with its 24 arches, has become synonymous with the Yorkshire Dales. To begin with the path followed the Settle to Carlisle train-line. In peak seasons old fashioned steam trains run on the line, providing that perfect ‘Kodak moment’.

When the railway track cuts through the hillside the path turns alongside the river. The climb took me over small streams and past a beautiful waterfall. So, despite the dry weather, I still managed to get wet on the stepping stones. Once again the views were breathtaking with sheep, and cows grazing in the valley below.

There is more to the Dales than the Three Peaks. You don’t have to go far, or tough, to enjoy the scenery which the Dales has to offer. Just be careful of the local wildlife, as many public footpaths cut through farmers’ fields.

Let’s just say that the ‘cute’ cows don’t like having their photos taken, and can move pretty fast.

When in the Dales it is vital to embrace the local culture. So after a long day walking to the fish and chip shop is a must. After indulging in the finest local cuisine there is nothing better than to head to one of the many pubs to sample the local ale.

There is no better way to spend your evenings, unless of course you are still struggling to complete the Three Peaks in a single day.

This week: Ferry websites 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

www.cheap4ferries.com www.ferrysavers.com www.ferrybooker.com www.POFerries.com www.ferry.co.uk www.stenaline.ferries.org www.ferryprice.co.uk www.intoferries.co.uk www.book-a-ferry.co.uk www.Top-Ferries.co.uk

any suggestions? email us travel@gairrhydd.com

BACKPACKER

Corfu

T r a v e l 11

Welcome to Backpacker. Each fortnight we provide an insight into top backpacking destinations. Every issue we will let you know which location will be featured in the next edition of Quench. Travel needs you to text/email any tips you have for the next destination. It could be anything from the best campsite, the best place to visit, or which bus takes you to the most beautiful beach.

By Bec Storey Travel Editor

G

reece is a fantastic place to go backpacking. The country offers a real variety of atmospheres and landscape. There is bound to be an island to suit everyone.

Firstly you can reach your destination by a short, three-hour flight from the UK. Flights are regular and if booked well enough in advance can cost as little as £50 return.

The cheapest flights usually fly into Athens. From there you have to get to the port of Piraeus. You will find it at the south-western-most stop on Line 1 of the Metro. Join the Metro in Monastiraki Square and the journey will take 25 minutes.

Once you have reached the port the Greek Islands are at your disposal.

Ferries leave every few minutes and will take you to almost any island of Greece.

Another way to reach the Islands is to fly directly to them. These flights are a little more expensive but will save you the cost of ferry tickets.

Package holiday flights sometimes have seats left over on their planes.

These can be picked up at a reasonable rate.

If you have a limited amount of time to explore Greece, why not choose one island and travel around it?

I did just that this summer. I found a cheap flight direct to Corfu and within a week I had seen a vast amount of the island and came away with a real sense of experiencing the Greek way of life.

Once you have landed at Corfu airport grab a taxi for the short ride into Corfu town. From there you can find buses that will take you all over the island for very little money.

There are two types of bus on the island: blue buses take you around Corfu town and green buses travel around the island and leave from Avramiou square.

Timetables can be picked up from the stations and are printed in English as well as Greek.

If you are looking for a relaxing holiday away from the regualar tourists, head to the north-west side of the Island. Here you will find the little resort of Ayios Yeoryios. It consists of a handful of tavernas and hotels.

However its main feature is the 2km long beach of golden sand, opening out to crystal clear water. A 1km walk from the beach is the wonderfully peaceful San George campsite (06630/56 204). Run by a husband and wife team since the 1960s, the site offers all the basic facilities needed by a camper, along with the shade of olive trees.

While there is little to see in the resort itself, there are some excellent walks around the bay. One that sets

Useful websites www.agoudimos-lines.com www.anek.gr www.statravel.co.uk www.firstchoice.co.uk The Rough Guide: The Greek Islands The Lonely Planet: Greece Next issue Backpacker will be taking you to Croatia. Text your top backpacking tips to 07843393962, or email them to us at travel@gairrhydd.com off from the north end of the beach leads to the pretty hilltop village of Afionas. The village offers the most spectacular views of the island’s coastline.

For a more central location, the Dionysus Camping Village in Dhafnila is a 15 minute blue bus ride away from Corfu town. It is also classed one of the best campsites on the island, so booking ahead is recommended.

The campsite offers a taverna with regular ‘Greek Nights’, a shop and swimming pool. It is also a great place to meet oh so many sexy Italian men!

From here access to Corfu town is easy, opening up a world of day trips alround the island. Hop on a green bus and see where you end up.

t Don’ !

Miss

CORFU TOWN...

The town deserves at least two days exploring. Make sure you go out at night when the town really comes to life.

Head towards the sea front for cocktail bars and swish cafes.

TOP TIP…Make sure you take note of the time of the last bus back to Corfu town, otherwise you’ll be stuck in the middle of nowhere with little hope of hailing a taxi Corfu Town: The historical town walls

12

Blind Date

STRE

blinddate@gairrhydd.com

ETMA

TE

1 Little Miss Cupid and the streetmate team tackle the streets of Cardiff to find ‘our Suzanne’ the Streetmate of her dreams...

The team set off on hunt for man... their .

Looks li magic ke Little Miss bow ha s struc Cupid’s k gold.. .

4

SUZANNE FORWARD, 3rd year Journalism student

They all want a piece of the action!

10 10 05

2

?

?

The search co ntinues...

Are these guys potential streetmates?

3

Unlucky... these guys don’t know what they’re missing MATT

Wait... I think I’ve spo tted a hot one

?

CHA

RLIE

Which one of these lovely lads will be Suzanne’s lucky streetmate? Find out in the next edition of Quench... and get all the inside gossip on their date @ ‘a shot in the dark’

5

?

The team return home after a successful day of matchmaking

JAMES

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Fashion

fashion@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

Copy catw walk Designer clothes are walking off the runway and into high street stores. Charlotte Howells explores how imitation culture is changing the face of fashion

I

s imitation the sincerest form of flattery? Designer label Chloè certainly don’t think so, as they are taking legal action against highstreet store Kookai for their £35 lookalike of Chloè’s £1000 Silverado bag.

Celeb-favourite Chloè are the first in the fashion industry to fight back against highstreet copies of their products, despite the hundreds of designer inspired clothes being sold.

With designers now making most of their profits from accessories, it makes sense that they protect their bags most fiercely. The Guardian recently reported that budding fashionistas are now using designer accessories to posh-up their high street look. The rise of the impossible to obtain it-bags means a designer bag can make a much bigger statement than a harder to recognise designer jacket or top.

The head of the body that governs French fashion, Didier Grumbach, last year suggested that Fashion shows should be top secret affairs to stop imitations ruining the industry. “Not only do they deliver faster, but it is ten times cheaper and eventually nobody knows who invented the product any more because the copycat delivers ahead of the innovator."

Spot the difference 00

0 £1

5

£3

Left: Chloè’s Silverado bag costs a whopping £1000, yet you can bag yourself a Kookai copycat for just £35.

Above: Tesco says it didn’t copy the Chloe dress (right) when it came up with this sell-out design.

High street shops, however, are adamant that despite the obvious difficulty in spotting the difference between the original and the ‘inspired’ versions, they are not cheating the designers. "It is wrong to suggest we have designers sitting around copying, we take inspiration from everywhere," say Tesco. Primark also deny copying directly from the catwalks: "Our buyers are constantly vigilant to new trends because they frequently visit trendsetting places and can see what is being worn."

But are we in the wrong for buying the imitations? After all, despite the innocent protests of copy-cat stores, if a product looks exactly the same as another one, it’s been copied somewhere along the line. If this were a school test, the high street certainly would be facing permanent detention for cheating. As a bargain-hunting nation we actively search for high street knock-offs, making us the likely culprits - as long as we keep buying copied fashion, it makes no commercial sense for shops to stop producing it. Due to the lightning fast transition from catwalk to high street it’s now possible to imitate the pages of Vogue for less than the price of a sleeve of the original garment featured. Even Vogue is directing designer-buying readers to the highstreet; when they featured a Primark version of a Balenciaga jacket next to the original, Primark sold out within days.

When you can get the same look for a zillionth of the price, spending on designer clothes seems hard to justify. As much as I would love an original, truth is, I go for the copy everytime. £1000 is a lot of any student’s money. It’s nearly a whole year’s tuition fees, several months’ rent or a lorry full of value meals.

The abundance of catwalk style fashion available means the shame of high street shopping has all but disappeared. Whereas a few years ago if you bought clothes from Primark you scrunched your logo-bearing bag up in shame, shoppers now happily swing their Peacocks bags along with their Karen Millen. And such is the success of the copy, that it is often more of an achievement to boast that your Balenciaga-esque bag is actually courtesy of Asda, than to reel off the hundreds you spent on your outfit. In a recent Morgan Stanley survey 7 out of 10 people questioned proudly showed off bargain purchases, whereas half admitted to squirreling away designer buys. If cheap clothes have more boast-factor, where is the incentive to spend more?

Despite their high street location Topshop Unique’s catwalk show attracted fashion royalty in their droves, with big names on and off the runway. But some insiders are worried that other high street stores catwalk aspirations will spell the end for highend designers. With fuddy-duddy favourite Marks and Spencers expressing an interest in launching their own collection, what will happen to the glamour and magic of the prestigious shows? What a-lister is going to want to sit in the front row of a shop famed for its comfy undies? With the boundaries between High Street and High End blurred by Topshop, the appeal of searching for Catwalkalike fashion in store is lost.

Fashion

TOPSHOP UNIQUE: Original high street fashion

15

16

F o o d

food@gairrhydd.com

8

Visit Cadbury’s Chocolate Factory

FOR ALL CHOCOLATE lovers out there, this is an experience not to be missed; an informative and exhilarating experience. As much chocolate as you can cram into your mouth as well as being able to take home a huge bundle of the stuff at dramatically reduced prices. IMPORTANT NOTICE: be prepared to feel very sick at the end of the day.

Ten ways to enjoy f o o d b e f o re y o u d i e In the Western World the abundance of food makes it all too easy for us to take it for granted. Sian Hughes reminds us why this should never happen...

W

ith food being an essential part of our life, it can be seen by some as merely an every day necessity. This means it can be all too easy to forget all the creative and extraordinary ways of enjoying food. As a reminder to you all of the many weird and wonderful ways to enjoy one of our most important lifelines, here’s the top 10 ‘musts’ of ways to experience your food before you die. Brought to you by a random survey of Cardiff University students.

9

Eat sushi off a beautiful naked woman

7

Eat a ‘White House Special’ Sandwich from the New York Deli

THIS IS SIMPLE YET effective.

Everybody loves sandwiches because the list of combinations you can create is almost endless. According to my sources the White House Special is the "best sandwich in the world, ever!"

10 Catch It SUSHI: And the banshees FIND YO SELF A HOT tropical beach anywhere in the world, catch a fish then cook it on a fire that you’ve made from scratch, and enjoy as you watch the sunset. The beautiful surroundings combined with the satisfaction of eating your own catch will be an immense combination.

THIS IDEA ORIGINATED AND REALLY took off in Japan (where the dish originated from). You get the enjoyment of a delicacy like sushi, with the added excitement of eventually seeing the woman naked when you’ve finished. What more could you ask for?

NEW YORK DELI: In your belly

10 10 05

6

Watch two women wrestle in a paddling pool full of jelly

GOOD, CLEAN entertainment for all the family. This idea proved most popular with the boys…. can’t understand why.

5

Sample the all youcan-eat buffet at the top of the world’s only Seven Star hotel, The BurjAl-Arab

HELD WEEKLY IN Dubai for a meagre £35, the truly outstanding selection of dishes from across the world represents an extravagant abundance of quality and quantity. If the assortment of curries, roasted meats, delicacies and desserts isn’t enough for you, the stunning views of lush beaches and the artificial Palm Island will take your breath away.

4

Hunt it down

THE THRILL AND excitement of a hunt gets your adrenaline going adding all the more to your appetite.

To prepare the animal yourself will take you back to the roots of our ancestors and make eating it so much more satisfying. You’ll also be safe in the knowledge that you’re eating organic free-range meat and not factory farmed filth.

3

Hands-free desserts

YOU CAN USE ANY dessert really as long as it’s creamy. Tiramisu is ideal.

You need to have a partner or, even better, a big group to do it with so you can laugh at each other. Sit opposite each other with your hands tied behind your back, count to three then dunk your face in and enjoy. You can have fun licking it off each other (if you’re feeling a bit kinky) or it could all end in a massive food fight.

GAZ ‘N’ SHAZ: Kebab fiends

1

Get a kebab from chippy alley

THIS IS AN INTEGRAL part of everyone’s night out in Cardiff, it’s a must for everyone because chippy alley basically put Cardiff on the map. No night out in Cardiff is complete without stopping off here. The kebabs are great, there’s a huge variety to choose from and there’s the chance to meet all kinds of crazy interesting people there. Remember also, it’s a place where love could blossom - it’s where Charlotte Church met Gavin Henson.

2 Take on the six

crackers in one minute competition

THE BURJ AL-ARAB: Phallic

17

EATING COMPETITIONS are always great fun for everyone involved. This one, in contrast, isn’t what you could call enjoyable for those taking part.

Really you’ve got to try it, just because you’ll never realise how difficult it is until you do. Plus the fact that you’ll give everyone watching a right laugh!

ABOVE: Shish that BELOW: Crackers

18

Features

features@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

MAKEPOLITICSHISTORY?

With the Make Poverty History “click” advert banned for being too political, Kerry-Lynne Doyle asks if the right decision was made

I

f there has been one campaign that has captured our imaginations in 2005 it has been Make Poverty History.

We have worn our white bands, tuned in to Live 8 and even marched on the G8 to support the campaign, which calls for social justice on trade, aid and the dropping of third world debt.

We have also watched celebrities ranging from Brad Pitt to Emma Thompson and Jamie Foxx throw their weight behind the campaign by appearing in the Make Poverty History advert.

Running from December 2004, the advert showed a range of celebrities clicking their fingers every three seconds. With each click representing a child dying as a result of poverty, the advert conveyed the message behind the campaign in a stark and iconic way.

But the motives of the advert were called into question by advertising watchdog Ofcom, and last month Ofcom announced that the advert was too political for broadcast.

In a 15-page bulletin, the regulatory body decided that because the advert directed viewers to the campaign website, which promotes the

lobbying and campaigning of Make Poverty History, the advert was "directed towards a political end".

The advert was subsequently pulled from broadcast.

But was this the right decision – and how can we define an advert as political?

"I was quite surprised as I know that the team behind the advert worked very closely with broadcasters to ensure that the advert met broadcasting regulations," says Craig Owen of Oxfam Cymru, a member of the Make Poverty History Team.

"It was almost a bizarre decision as the advert has been shown for so long.

"What makes the decision even stranger is the fact that we had such massive support from advertising companies when the advert was made."

The advert had been cleared by a number of broadcasters and regulatory bodies including the BBC, ITV and Sky before it was shown, and the Make Poverty History campaign was even kicked off on BBC show - The Vicar of Dibley.

The campaign seemed to have had mass support, including the support of broadcasters, for its message to

end world poverty.

However, before a block of adverts were transmitted in March this year, Ofcom was contacted by a number of broadcasters who expressed concerns that the adverts were political.

An investigation was then launched.

Like his fellow Oxfam workers, Craig Owen argues that the campaign is a moral and not a political issue and that the advert is based on fact.

"The argument that the advert is too political is strange; it is simply highlighting facts," he asserts.

"The Make Poverty History campaign is a completely cross-party issue. We are asking every leader from every party across the world to take action."

When the decision to pull the advert was announced it caused widespread outcry from organisations involved in the campaign, including an angry reaction from church groups.

"If a child dying every three seconds is political, then it should be," said a spokesperson for Christian Aid. "There has been near-universal consensus on the need to fight poverty. This decision is overly beureacratic."

Features 19

CLICK CAMPAIGN: Celebs across the globe clicked their fingers for Make Poverty History

The reasons behind the ban

T However, under the 2003 Communications Act - the Act used to stop the advert - Ofcom’s actions were correct.

The Act asserts that any advert directed towards a political end breaches laws which ban political advertising.

Ofcom argued that because the campaign promoted the lobbying of MPs, and other political activities, that it had a political aim.

And while many people understand why the Ofcom ruling came to pass, many experts believe that the definition of political in the Communications Act rules out any possibility for moral messages in the advertising industry.

"It’s a rubbish interpretation of what political is," says Dr Peter Sutch, Director of Politics at Cardiff University.

"By the Act’s definition anything moral will be political as a moral cause will always call for action, and this is a dangerous thing.

"The Act is basically removing morals from a very influential medium."

he 2003 Communications Act says that a body involved in the influence of government legislation and decision-making is political.

From these definitions Ofcom decided that Make Poverty History was a mainly or wholly political body - and that while the adverts themselves were not political, that they were aimed at a political end.

UK Christian think-tank Ekklesia, a supporter of the Make Poverty History campaign, takes Ofcom’s decision one step further calling the ruling "a blow against freedom of expression".

The think tank also expressed its disappointment that corporate advertising was deemed non-political but the work of anti-poverty charities was not.

This sentiment is echoed by Professor Justin Lewis, the Deputy Head of Cardiff University’s School of Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies.

"What it says about Ofcom is that they are choosing what political advertising is," Professor Lewis argues.

"Most advertising is political.

Adverts which encourage excessive

Ofcom also refused to see Make Poverty History as a charitable organisation because it was not a registered charity and had not produced evidence that it had charitable status.

Ofcom concluded that the adverts were not impartial but it did argue that the charity’s manner of achieving the eradication of world poverty could be interpreted as political. consumption clearly have a position on climate change and globalisation – that they aren’t issues that consumers should worry about.

"The decision shows a very unsophisticated and benign view of an advert that was addressing a continuing global issue."

Clearly while adverts for junk food, cars and any other products which we consume all have political agendas and implications, it seems that the Make Poverty History’s call for action has been its downfall.

And while the campaign has injected millions of people worldwide with the enthusiasm to get out there and get their voices heard, it seems that the world of advertising has no room for moral crusades.

20

Features

Like, famous, boyo

Before the usual Welsh-bashing begins, Hannah Perry celebrates Cardiff’s homegrown talent.

C

ritics of the Valleywood development have been suggesting that Wales does not have enough talented individuals to make it a worthwhile venture. In fact, Cardiff alone has often been responsible for incubating talent of all kinds and launching it on an unsuspecting world – a veritable plethora of stars hail from our fair city.

Ioan

gruffudd

Shirley Bassey 06/10/1973 Career: Actor. Got his first break in Pobol y Cym at 13 and went on to study at Rada. He later played Stephen Fry’s gay lover in Wilde and Officer Lowe in Titanic. Recently starred in The Fantastic Four.

Did you know? He used to play the oboe in the South Glamorgan Youth Orchestra. Ioan learnt Yiddish for the film Solomon and Gaenor. His first language is Welsh. He was invited to and

08/01/1937Says she’s from Tiger Bay, is actually from Splott.

Career: Has performed three Bond themes – Goldfinger, Diamonds are Forever and Moonraker. She left school at 15 to work in a factory, then moved to London aged 18. Her first single, The Banana Boat Song, came out when she was 20. Shirley found success as a cabaret performer in America but had little chart success until Goldfinger in 1964.

Further hits in the 1960s included I (Who Have Nothing), Big Spender and No Regrets. She disappeared for most of the 80s, but then she topped the bill at the opening of the Welsh Assembly in 1999.

Did you know? She was affectionately known as Burly Chassis. The Queen was such a big fan of Bassey’s 2000 release, Diamonds are Forever – The Remix Album, that she made her a Dame.

charlotte

church

21/02/1986 Career: Her first TV appearance was on the Big Talent Show with Jonathan Ross to introduce her aunt, who she promptly upstaged with a rendition of Pie Jesu. Her first album, aged 12, was Voice of an Angel. This was followed by numerous parts in US commercials. She sang in the Russell Crowe film, A Beautiful Mind, in lieu of Celine Dion and appeared in Craig Ferguson’s straight-to-video film I’ll Be There. She won ‘Rear of the Year’ in 2002, aged 16. In 2005, Charlotte launched a pop career with the rhymtastic album Tissues and Issues. She has met the Queen, First Ladies and Presidents, and Pope John Paul II. One of Billboard’s top ten best-selling female vocalists.

Life as a role model: “Sometimes, because of my visibility, I'm looked at as a spokesperson for young people.

But I haven't come up with any good

accepted into Gorsedd y Beirdd Ynys Prydain (the [Welsh] Bardic Order of Great Britain) at the highest rank in the National Eisteddfod at Meifod in 2003.

Proud Welshman? "I'm determined not to lose my name. It has neither aided my progress nor hampered it.

It's just who I am. My culture and heritage is a very rich one. So what if it's difficult for people to pronounce? We all learned how to say Schwarzenegger. I was probably doing more to pigeonhole myself as a Welshman and a Welsh actor than anyone else! A lot of the stuff I said in the past sounded defensive. I realize I don't have to force that on people, but just use it as a safety net, to stride out into the world knowing that I have a strong sense of identity.

Because we're all landlocked in this nation together and we should be celebrating it. I'm always trying to escape the way I'm perceived - you know, Ioan the soft-spoken Welshman." mottos for my own life yet, much less anyone else's. I guess if I had to give advice I'd say it's important to meet challenges head-on. As I get older, I find I can be a bit more of a narrator, telling the story and conveying the emotion of a song. And that opens a whole new world of possibilities."

T a n ni

G r eY-T Th o m s o n

26/07/1969 Career: Born with spina bifida, Tanni tried basketball and swimming as a girl, but was later drawn to athletics.

She represented Wales in the Junior National Games at the age of 15, and won the 100m. Her first Paralympic success was in 1988 when she won bronze in the 400m in Seoul. She has won 13 Paralympic medals including eleven gold medals at the Barcelona, Atlanta, Sydney and Athens games.

Incredibly, she has also won the London Marathon six times; her 2002 victory was just two months after she gave birth to her daughter Carys. She has gone on to have a successful cereer in TV, presenting the BBC

iv o r

n o ve l l o

15/01/1896 – 06/03/1951 Career: He first became well known as a result of the song, Keep the Home Fires Burning, which he composed during World War I. After the war, he

c o l in

j a cks on

18/02/1967 Career: He played football and cricket for the county and rugby and basketball for his school, but he says it was athletics that came most naturally to him. Colin started out as a promising decathlete but his favourite event became the 110m hurdles. His first major medal, in 1986, was a silver for Wales at the Commonwealth Games in Edinburgh. He followed that with a World Championship bronze in 1987 and silver at the Seoul Olympics in 1988 before he was crowned Commonwealth and European champi-

Wales consumer programme X-Ray. She has also written for a number of newspapers including the Daily Mail and The Guardian and has featured in various household magazines such as Best and Good Housekeeping.

Did you know? She was originally named Cerys, but became known as Tanni when her elder sister kept calling her "Tiny".

appeared on stage in the West End, in musical shows of his own devising, the best known being The Dancing Years (1939). He also went to Hollywood and appeared in numerous successful films. During World War II, Novello was convicted of illegal use of rationed petrol and was briefly imprisoned. He died suddenly from a coronary thrombosis on 6th March 1951, aged 58.

The Ivor Novello Award is awarded for songwriting each year by the record industry to song writers and arrangers.

Officially an icon: Novello was portrayed in the fictional film Gosford Park (2001) by Jeremy Northam.

Did you know? At school he was known as the Welsh Prodigy. Novello was gay and well known for some of his more glamorous affairs. It was alleged by W. Somerset Maugham that Sir Winston Churchill confided in him that he had once been to bed with Novello. 7,000 people attended his funeral (women outnumbered men 50 to one).

Features 21 r yan

gig g s

29/11/1973 Originally named Ryan Joseph Wilson, he subsequently adopted his mother's surname.

Career: Giggs is the most decorated footballer in the history of Manchester United, having won eight Premier League championships, one Champions League and four FA Cup titles. He has also won the PFA Young Player of the Year award twice.

He turned professional in November 1990 and made his League debut against Everton at Old Trafford on 2nd March 1991 substituting for Denis Irwin. The 2-1 victory over Liverpool on 20 September 2004 saw Giggs become only the third player to have played 600 games for United alongside Sir Bobby Charlton (759) and Bill Foulkes (688). on in 1990. Jackson set a world record time of 12.91 seconds for the 110m hurdles at the World Championships in Stuttgart in 1993.

He retired following the World Indoor Championships in Birmingham in March 2003.

Did you know? Home Secretary David Blunkett had to apologise for a joke at an anti-racist meeting, where he said Colin Jackson had succeeded despite being Welsh.

The English reggae band Aswad on Jackson in their hit song Shine: ‘Him a floating like a butterfly, the hurdling man - Yes, me-a-chat about Colin Jackson’.

22

Going Out

goingout@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

Far from the madding crowd With Freshers’ Fortnight drawing to a close Helen Rathbone leaves the hussle and bustle of town for Roath, and a quiet few pints in her locals

Bar Billabong

The Albany

ALBANY RD

The Roath Park CITY RD

DONALD ST

W

hen I first heard about Bar Billabong I rejoiced in the knowledge that I had somewhere near home to go to, or at least stumble back from.

Unfortunately, after going there once I don’t think I’ll be going again.

Well, not for a long time anyway. The name and exterior are misleading, giving the impression of a buzzing student atmosphere based around the typical Aussie theme. Although Aussie emblems adorned the walls, the lack of people my own age was one of its many downfalls.

Surrounded by grumpy old men who’d had too much to drink, along with lousy karaoke and expensive pints, I couldn’t afford to stay long, for both my sanity’s sake, and my wallet’s. A quick exit was made to preserve both.

4/10

T

he Albany to me is like biting into a Kit-Kat only to find it is all chocolate and no biscuit - a little gem, and one which you don’t want to share.

Tucked away in the residential streets of Roath, it is a hidden treasure. Well-furnished rooms, with comfy sofas, make it a cosy little cubby in which you can enjoy a quiet pint.

There are two entrances to this pub. If you go in the front entrance you will find yourself in a lavishly decorated room, with quality upholstery and stained glass windows that make it Victorian chic in style. On the other side of the bar is another large room, through which you can gain access to a beer garden. The Albany is similar to the Pen and Wig, full of character but a little cosier. An award winning pub that is definitely worth a visit.

8/10

W

ell what can I say? The Roath Park is a treat and a half, but not for the most obvious of reasons. Quirky locals and drinks prices that seem to be made up on the spot make trips to the bar a tiny slice of magic.

Although this pub contains pool tables and games machines don’t be fooled into expecting high quality furnishings and amenities, as most are archaic and a little worse for wear.

This venue bears more resemblance to a youth club than a pub, and the collection of ASBOs in the corner only adds to the confusion.

Nothing particularly awful, but nothing much to tempt you to visit either.

Good for a quiet drink but not much more, there is no real reason to venture into this neck of the woods.

3/10

Going Out is always on the look out for new contributors, so if you’ve been out somewhere new and think it deserves reviewing, or if one of your favourite haunts needs its praises singing, then drop me a line at goingout@gairrhydd.com.

Reviews should be between 400-600 words in length and can be on pretty much anything. Pub, club or restaurant I’m not fussy. All ideas welcome and there’s even a chance of blagging a freebie.

Debate

debate@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

23

To dunk, or not to dunk?

That is the question. I’ll let you be the judge

Against

For

Lisa O’Brien

Simon Clode

D

W

Don’t get me wrong: a Hob-Nob or Bourbon, or even a Custard Cream, are enriched by their respective topping or filling. Ultimately though, they are as dry as the mouth of someone suffering a rather severe hangover.

Why do some of you feel the need to drown this modest servant-of-the-nation in your scalding mug? Obliterating its very essence in an instance!

unking the biscuit: A biscuit that has not been dunked is a biscuit living below its potential. A biscuit is a little like anal sex; grainy and tough, until you add a bit of lubrication.

hether you are a coffee connoisseur or a tea buff, everyone knows that the humble biscuit is the perfect accompaniment to the brew of your choice, but...

“The first dipping is always a cautious and nervous affair, a slow deep penetration” That’s where the cup of tea calmly strolls into the room and envelops the biscuit with love and affection. The biscuit is shy but all too ready to get moist.

The first dipping is always a cautious and nervous affair, a slow deep penetration. The biscuit melts in the tea’s arms; the ugly-duckling digestive becomes the swan. The result is sumptuous; the warm, soft texture has transformed the biscuit from a baron staple snack into a rich, flavoursome treat. By the last dip the tea has cooled and the dipping is longer and more forceful, but the result is the same.

Dunking is an art; unfortunately many fine, brave biscuits have been lost in the hands of inexperienced and careless dunkers, but a seasoned dunker knows this risk and judges accordingly - based on biscuit-type and tea temperature.

The seasoned dunker knows the rewards far outweigh the risks.

I will admit there is a downside to dunking. Fingers. Or more precisely the index finger and thumb. Whilst being the faithful tool of dunkers everywhere, the final bit of each biscuit is always interrupted by a 2-3cm patch of un-dunked

By its very nature a biscuit is required to be hard and crunchy, as this is the thing that sets it apart from cakes, pies and all manner of other sweet delights that may adorn our afternoon tea tray. And yet, in one bullish action you thoughtless ‘Dippers’ take away everything it is to be a biscuit.

The Rich Tea is the saviour of the biscuit world, silently and peacefully waging war against the biscuit slaughtering of the ‘Dippers’. The Rich Tea has refused to buckle under pressure to become a mug friendly biscuit, triumphantly remaining too wide to be comfortably dunked.

If indeed the dunker insists on carrying out this heartless operation, he is forced to break the biscuit, leading to the inevitable downpour of crumbs.

These crumbs then descend into the liquid, and wallow in the depths of the mug, adding to the sickly sweet mush that has been gathering, ready to ambush the unsuspecting consumer in their last mouthful. Tragically many a Rich Tea has become a martyr to the cause. A moment’s silence should be undertaken, therefore, in order to appreciate the lives of the biscuits that have been lost to the murky depths of the mug.

“Tragically, many a Rich Tea has become a martyr to the cause” land. If ever you needed proof that dunking was the future, compare this last baron area’s taste to the moist and opulent flavour of the adjoining dunked region - you will understand!

Heroically many biscuits sacrifice themselves (or usually half of themselves) endeavouring to scald the hand that eats them, as the ‘Dipper’ foolishly dunks their hand to save their biscuit. So, I kindly ask you to please spare a thought for the merciless biscuit in the future.

If you have anything that you feel passionately about, and need a good ol’ fashioned rant then why not try your hand at writing for Debate. All ideas are welcome, whether silly, serious, or down right stupid, so don’t hesitate to email me with any suggestions. Articles should be 350-400 words in length. Look forward to hearing from you my muffins!

Reviews

quench@gairrhydd.com

Lucky, lucky, you’re so lucky...

Franz spoil us with a belting second album FRANZ FERDINAND You Could Have It So Much Better Domino

Glaswegians only get better

B

y rights, Glasgow should be about as fashionable as brown carpet or Keith Chegwin. But scorning that, four skinny, androgynous weeds called Franz Ferdinand inadvertently christened it as a steaming cultural honey-pot. They accidently converted a city from punching to pouting, and left the place with more angular-arty kudos than Rolf Harris.

Truth was, last year’s eponymous, stomping entrance was sexier than six tins of freshly chilled Tennants, and ironed out a new pop brand which got the girls dancing and the guys kissing.

But the four funketeers haven’t rested on their laurels: instead it’s a speedy return with a tailored long-player that’s instantly, and lastingly, better.

Musically Franz’s waistline might have expanded with beefier hands on the controls, but You Could Have It… continues to grip onto slim guitars, nodding bass and unvarnished drumming. The sassy, befringed Alex Kapranos still has that knowing, cheeky glint in his eye and saucy bellow that was so instantly magnetic about their debut. The result is a package that is still effort-

10 10 05

25

w Reviehe Of T k Wee

tears away again like a speeding love message navigating through cyber space. And the pace just doesn’t halt.

That’s until the touching, sophomore trickles of Eleanor Put Your Boots On. The gentle twinkles sound so much like The Beatles that Lennon might as well be hidden in the grand piano but nonetheless it’s an exhibition of everything Macca couldn’t quite capture on his recent Chaos and Creation… outing.

Next highlight, flashing away in a mushroom of dusty smoke is Your Villian which comes on like a fiendish detective drama soundtrack, a wideeyed chase for tragedy, ripping around the seedy hide-outs of Dirt City, culminating in a punky treat of racing guitars and marching drums. Tailgating is the dangerously catchy You Could Have It So Much Better.

Closing in a more relaxed frame of mind Outsiders explicitly showcases Kapranos and Co’s more sensitive side but also their steely, bullish intent to maintain their accent.

"We’ve seen some change/but we’re still outsiders/If everyone’s here/then hell knows/we ride alone," they spit, like dukes of rock that know they’re very much in a league of their own where prickly guitars and fantastic pop records are concerned.

Frankly, as follow ups go, you couldn’t have it any better than with Franz: Measuring the length of Franz Ferdinand. their success 9/10

lessly suave and posher than a champagne bath. You Could Have It… is the sound of a band upping their game, wedging their polished heels in and not letting go of the hard yards they’ve already gained.

First shot on their second coming is fired by the relentless charge of The Fallen, a pristine, twisted guitar classic. Not to be out-done, when the bass of recent single Do You Want To? kicks in it’s just a straight-up funky treat, a thousand glitter balls might as well of exploded in the sky. Both of these opening announcements easily nestle alongside the best tracks of the year so far, and ecstatically we’re still only four minutes in. Just as the sparkles float to the ground, This Boy

Greg Cochrane

26

Music

1 NEW ORDER Singles

THE BEST OF THE BEST OFS 2 THE PRODIGY Their Law The Singles 1900-2005

London

3

XL Recordings

THE BETA BAND The Best Of Music

WINNER!!!

ONE OF THE more obvious compilations this. Ingredients: take one great singles band and one batchload of generation-defining songs and voila, you have an almighty collection indeed. Included here is every single released by Sumner, Hook et al.

Tracked in chronological order from the post-Joy Division debut of Ceremony through True Faith and World in Motion to the disappointing singles from Waiting For The Sirens' Call. Singles probably provides as good a beginners' guide to the band as 1987's Substance or 1995's Greatest Hits. Also including the rarer 12" version of Temptation – quite simply one of the greatest songs ever written.

Although let down by the march of time, it's the only way to own all these tracks aside from the original records. Superb. 9/10 Will Dean

10 10 05

music@gairrhydd.com

OUTNUMBERED BUT NOT OUTGUNNED IF YOU’VE BEEN a fan of The Prodigy for some time, then this album will certainly be a bit of a hardcore rave down memory lane.

The album contains old favourites from the outstanding Fat of the Land, such as Breathe and Firestarter, which are always good for a bit of drunken jumparound. At the same time, the more obscure early underground dance tracks from the albums Experience and Music for the Jilted Generation are brought back to life for those with glow-sticks in their pockets.

If you missed out on those albums the first time around and you enjoyed the material on Always Outnumbered Never Outgunned, then this is definitely the album for you. 8/10 Luke Pavey

“So...err, what is it you do again Flint?”

Regal

THE BEATEN BAND THE BETA BAND are no more. It’s nice for a band to wait until they split up to release a Best Of; it somehow seems more honest than a ‘best of’ every three albums. It’s strange now to look over the Beta Band’s back catalogue, for there to only be four albums. Still, with this posthumous melange those four albums are done justice in a most apt and admirable way.

On two CDs (one combination of album tracks and singles and one live recording from the Shepherds Bush Empire) they have brought together a glorious mix of glorious tunes.

This is a band whose music is perfect for just being on. Perfect for when you’re doing the washing up, perfect for when you’re writing an essay, even perfect for when you’re having a debate to decide "what music is perfect for just having on when you’re doings things." They manage to create a sound, vocally, musically and atmospherically, that, if you want, can brood along in the background but equally it is interesting and arresting enough to justify your full attention.

Despite their albums (apart from The Three EPs) being somewhat patchy as wholes, this compilation succeeds in bringing together the best of a sadly oft-overlooked band.

7/10 Harold Shiel

PICASTRO Metal Cares Monotreme Records

“Lovely Stuff” - Shakin’ Stevens FLOATING SOMEWHERE up in the clouds, these five twenty-somethings have a wonderful way with musical understatement and affectionate lyrics.

This album, their second on the Monotreme Label, is a majestic creation. Ticking most of the boxes one would expect of a band who are often branded with the Post-Rock coat of arms, Picastro don’t just bog themselves down with derivation and association. This is an album of gems, with one ailment of a song called, somewhat conveniently, The Common Cold. Like the common cold we all know and hate there is no cure for this song so one must just grin and bear it as the rest is so wonderfully precious. 7/10 Harold Shiel

MEW ...And The Glass Handed Kites Sony BMG

Mew kids on the block THE SECOND full-length from these much fancied Danish types opens in bombastic style, Circuitry Of The Wolf setting the scene for the seamless transition of the remainder.

All choppy guitar and ambient keyboards, it lurches into one almighty

riff before rich layers of vocals announce the arrival of Chinaberry Tree, which finds singer Jonas Bjerre ruminating over first loves, dear friends, and, erm, chinaberry trees.

Shades of My Bloody Valentine are prevalent throughout, and J Mascis shares vocal duties on a couple of tracks. Although these songs may not work as effectively out of the context of the album, as a whole it is an utterly absorbing listen, sonically charged and replete with melodies that are in turn spiky and soothing. 8/10

Albums

(the name says it all). Energetic and lively, the album is full of excitement and immediately makes you smile and gives you the overwhelming urge to dance. The combination of cheerful and energetic ‘indie-folk-disco-pop’ creates the ultimate feel-good album, which you would be a fool to miss.

9/10 Kirsten Adcock

James Skinner

MAGNETOPHONE The Man Who Ate The Man

THE GO! TEAM Thunder, Lightning, Strike Memphis Industries

The new Get-Along-Gang anyone?

THE GO! TEAM, a six-piece Brighton outfit, really pack a punch with their debut album, finally released after three EPs and three singles.

The album is absolutely superb with its unusual yet very pleasing blend of disco, indie and folk styles, often incorporating harmonica or flute melodies over electronic drumbeats and sampling, with almost hip-hop style lyrics in parts.

The mix of purely instrumental and, vocal and instrumental tracks is excellent, providing some of the best instrumental ‘pop’ music around today, for example the track Feel Good

by Numbers

27

4AD

Ooooh Matron AS IF to magnify their mystique, Magnètophone include within the artwork of their second CD, and first for five years, a set of cards with vague phrases like 'Who are you here for?' and 'Ignitability'.

So, like Radiohead, if you haven't got the message already, they're ‘A Bit Different.’ Gimmicks aside, The Man Who Ate The Man is, at times, a beautiful collection of synthy-pop.

Despite a relatively low-profile, Magnetophone have even managed to pull in the likes of Kim Deal of Breeders/Pixies-fame to play drums on the brilliant single Kel's Vintage Thought, which you can expect to be re-released as soon as someone notices it's a number one in the making. 8/10 Will Dean

I Spent Some D With. ..Pink ark Moments F loyd

"There are some bands that will forever be great. Pink Floyd fall into this category. Echoes is up there with the greatest albums of all time, dare I say, even better than OK Computer.

Comfortably Numb, though not as well known as Another Brick in the Wall (Pt. II), has always struck a chord with me, reminding me of some painful moments in life, moments that leave you physically and emotionally drained. Hollow.

The opening lines, “Hello? Is there anybody in there?” bring back memories of an emptiness felt inside, while the end reflects the melancholy of life, of how it never quite turns out the way we’d always hoped it would.

Elgan Iorworth IT Master Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

This song holds value for everyone who’s ever wondered if there was anything more than what they had. And, invariably, it states that there is.

“The child is grown, the dream is gone. I have become comfortably numb”.”

28

Mus i c SUGABABES Taller In More Ways Island

Pop Princesses back on top DESPITE BEING (more or less) the same age as you and I, the Sugababes are, impressively, now on album number four. Whilst many of the tunes on the record are reasonably predictable and often lyrically weak, Taller… proves that when it comes to great pop music, they can still cut it.

Though by no means the best album they’ve ever produced, and while the influences on the record are reasonably obvious, Taller... retains the Sugababes sound that we have become accustomed to and yet keeps hold of a strong degree of originality and progression to their previous albums. Don’t discount them just yet.

7/10 Dave Jennings

MY MORNING JACKET Z RCA

Fourth time right for star-gazers WITH BRITISH production legend John Leckie at the helm, Z, album number four, is MMJ's most experimental and sonically diverse record to date, losing none of the ragged charm that characterised their earlier records: Z should please both old and new fans alike.

Opener Wordless Chorus is a reggae-tinged number, and save for Jim James' vocal this is virtually unrecognisable. What follows is a bit more straightfoward. Gideon recalls early seventies-era Who, leaden guitars and all, while Off The Record is jaunty guitar pop. Lyrically, James appears in sombre mood, demonstrated on the excellent Into The Woods. Backed only by a solitary fairground organ, the effect is quite haunting.

Clocking in at just over 40 minutes, it appears finally that MMJ have mastered the art of quality control; a vast improvement on 2002's bloated It Still Moves. It’s not perfect, but a damn good effort. 8/10 Emyr Price

Worth-less?

By Sam Coare Music Editor

I

’m often criticised for my lack of real care for The Beatles. They are, it seems, an institution. In the days where organised religion in this country is overlooked by most, they have been ascended to god-like figures of modern society.

Criticism is paralled to blasphemy.

But why? Who ascended the band to such levels? There are greater drummers in the world than Ringo Starr. Better bassists than Paul McCartney. And far bigger selling artists. Even the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack outsells any Beatles record, yet we don’t feel the urge to bubble-wrap it away from abuse as we do with Lennon and the lads. The band’s cultural value remains untouchable.

Let’s simplify things for a moment. It’s a hard job defining such a loose term. Call it acclaim; ‘prestige’ if you will. It’s not a simple debate on the pros and cons of a band. It isn’t achieved simply by an ability to sing and play your instrument well. It’s a metaphysical term of endearment that holds no actual weight or bearing in the world.

There’s no earthly comparison. Why, therefore, does only a select crowd get elevated to such greatness?

Originality poses one answer.

From The Beatles to The Doors, The Ramones to At the Drive In, innovators are generally held in the highest regard. The aforementioned are all widely celebrated and renowned for the originality in redefining not only their own genres, but in redefining and redirecting approaches and styles to musical performance. Pick

up any music magazine and you’ll find endless reviews chastising bands and albums on the basis of sounding too much like those that have gone before. But originality isn’t a prerequisite for greatness.

Jimi Hendrix emerged at the dying end of the acid–rock years during the 1960s. By the time Are You Experienced? came around, the genre had been abused for too long and the San Francisco scene was falling out of favour. Hendrix wasn’t an innovator of the genre as is popularly believed. If anything, he’s possibly one of the best examples of an artist completely of their time. Yet Hendrix is still held in the same class as innovators such as Presley, Dylan, and the like.

Furthermore, there is an unwritten rule of genre-value. Classical music leads the way, with the most basic forms of pop and the more extreme elements of rock music propping up the rest. Yet this seemingly holds little logical bearing. The difficulty and complexity of creating the end result is in no way a valid basis for critiqueing it.

Maybe the notion of a cultural value exists on a purely personal basis. There is, after all, no scientific diagnosis that enables us to comparitively say X is better than Y. If this be the case, maybe everything has cultural value. Every song is a representation of time, place and emotion. Placing such value on one band can therefore only be done on a personal basis. That thought, in itself, is a lot more comforting to me than a Beatles track will ever be.

NTS: W PRESE NOKIA RA SOULWAX RADIO Great Hall nd Oct Sunday 2 RE-BUFFED, RE-JIGGED, and re-fried, Soulwax couldn’t be funkier even if they stuffed James Brown and draped him round their shoulders.

Tonight the Dewaele brothers bring the best of both worlds.

First up, Soulwax playing the recent re-mix (Nite Versions) of their latest album Any Minute Now live, mastered by none other than, er, themselves, 2 Many DJ’s, confusing huh? But everyone’s too sweaty to care, as a firestorm of cowbells, glitches and

clicks ring out. Ultimately rocky club bangers like NY Lips get the live dance blitz they were always begging for.

After the high-octane DJ Justice maintains the mayhem, 2 Many DJ’s wander onto the stage with the minimum of fuss.

Immediately, doses of New York fabulous mash-ups coat the crowd, with Teenage Kicks and Song 2 igniting a thousand clubbers like a loaded gun. Stephen and David peer over the decks beaming, content that their jams are creating chaotic heaven.

Forget the psychiatric jargon and jazz talk of dance music, tonight’s just a victory for great tunes played at even greater volume.

Live

29

NITE VERSIONS: Waxing lyrical

Photos: Tim Cochrane

Greg Cochrane

SUPERSTAR DJ’S Soulwax incite sweaty dance carnage IDIOT PILOT

Barfly Thursday 29th Se pt A GENTLE PULSE fell through the crowd of eager, young teenagers, a soft twinkling fading behind a melodic guitar line. Anticipation rose; the lead singer moaned softly into the peaceful scene. It felt like I was at a picnic. When, suddenly, the spacey tranquility was horribly, horribly shattered by a deafening, meaningless scream sending pints and glasses to the floor.

Racing from one establishment to the next, Idiot Pilot attempted a mesh of melodics akin to The Mars Volta with the screechings of Slipknot. This bizarre clash of genres created a very unusual picture; a schizophrenic monster fighting for dominance. As individual styles it worked rather well, the melodic vocals especially were quite original, but as a two-headed beast trying desperately to outshine the other, it fell flat.

Although tertiary, The Kabuki Mono was much better, showing great poten-

tial. The techno-guitar two-piece fused the genius of Sigur Ros with a Faithless beat. Both bands, however, left the crowd wondering if they could be so much better if they kept to their strengths and abandoned the unusual fusion of negative and positive.

Will Walker

C TOMATI THE AU r Bach Clwb Ifo t 3rd Sep Friday 2

Cowbridge up-starts stick some synths and punk-funk bass at the start of their songs, to give a contemporary feel, before giving way to big grunting man-rock anthemia. The crowd lap it up, which lends credence to my theory that everyone secretly likes Bon Jovi (I openly admit to loving them - Ed. Sam) but is embarrassed to admit it.

The Automatic look and sound manufactured, and I do hope that they are; the idea that a group of kids could get together, of their own accord, and create something as cold and calculating as this is deeply troubling. Colm Loughlin

ATTACK & DEFEND sound like they’ve been rehearsing. They can almost keep time now, and on a couple of occasions they all stop at once. They still don’t know who they want to sound like: offering a strange hybrid of SFA, The Stone Roses, and DJ Shadow, there’re flashes of intrigue (the odd chorus or drum track). But this is too much of an irritating mess to enjoy. Give them time (maybe).

The Automatic are gonna be huge.

They look like McFly and sound like THE AUTOMATIC: moving up a gear Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi if they were okay to like, that is. Cunningly, the

30 Live

STEREOPHONIC

S

CIA

ART BRUT

Saturday 24th Se pt

Barfly pt Monday 26th Se THE HOT PUPPIES aren’t without potential. When they keep things sharp and sensible they provide a fairly satisfying blues-rock stomp.

But they’ve got no quality control – not knowing when to put a good idea to bed; they rely on tedious repetition, semi-competent freak-outs and wailing, which makes perfectly acceptable two minute songs transform into dull-as-death five minute songs. That said, their bassist looks like Damien Duff, which is funny.

Art Brut used to be fantastic: a self perpetuating parody – having both been the introduction to and the most (only?) savvy critics of London’s fitful grot n roll scene, with genuinely funny songs about how taking crack and doing Velvet Underground impressions

X-ECUTIONERS

Barfly Sunday 2nd Oct IF I EVER have a huge, overblown, American teen-movie-esque house party, the X-ecutioners are DJing.

Fact. Watching them play at the Barfly was truly watching the masters of the art of "turntablism". But before I praise these prophets of hiphop to the heavens, a brief word about the support acts, Associated Minds and King Gritty.

The former, seeming like a sort of less-ironic Goldie Lookin’ Chain, were perfectly enjoyable, and their beatboxer, Fozzy Bear, was staggeringly good. (Rahzel, watch out…) The second support act, Cardiff MC King Gritty, has some solid rhyming and I’m also presuming some solid friends, so moving on…

Put your "mother-f***ing" X’s in the air for the main event, the most staggering scratchers (and I presume itchers) you are ever likely to see.

With three members and six decks the hour or so set was really a sight to behold, with DJ Precision cutting up the tracks like A Fat Kid Cuts Cake.

ART BRUT: Brutiful Photo: Elgan Iorwerth

is a bit silly. And they’re still smart enough to attack the right people – describing The Paddingtons and The Others as "shit" is always worthwhile.

But, now that they play the hits (My Little Brother, Formed A Band, Emily Kane), and invite all manner of singalong moshing - employing the debauched crowd interaction, that is The Paddington’s and The Others’ stock in trade - they’re flirting ever so dangerously with hypocrisy.

Colm Loughlin

Just as I started getting bored of this spinning the trio would throw on some energetic mix of two much loved songs, Give it Away and 99 Problems.

In short this gig was essentially flawless. Bring on the day when mixers and decks, not recorders, are the five year olds instruments of choice.

Will Blake

TS SOFTHEARTEDSCIENTIS

Clwb Ifor Bach

IN THE WORDS of Simon Cowell, the appropriately named support act The Dead 60s represented a "distinctly average" start to an ultimately phenomenal night. With the ‘Phonics playing all the big songs from all five albums, the electric response of the crowd illustrates just why they are the most popular band to ever come out of Wales.

As well as playing anthems such as Bartender And The Thief, A Thousand Trees and Dakota, they also whip out acoustic versions of Step On My Old Size Nines and Hurry Up and Wait.

This is all whilst Kelly Jones entertaines the audience with tales of his pre-Stereophonics pulling tactics, a story involving a fruit and veg stall, which he seamlessly links to a flawless performance of More Life In A Tramps Vest. Touring again in December, I’ll be there. Jenna Stevens By the time the headliners appeared the crowd had warmed up.

The Scientists provided wonderfully colourful and emotive music with an almost psychedelic sounding style of lyrics "that wonderful dream/the universe quivers or that’s how it seems".

They use quite an eclectic combination of instruments and styles. The use of electronic samples, which could have been out-of-place, actually suited the sound very well. Overall this was a great gig with the Scientists proving worthy headliners.

Kirsten Adcock

Friday 30th Sept THE FIRST support band, Room Orchestra, were really very good, creating a strong indie-folk style.

The vocal harmonies worked well, but would probably have been more impressive had the whole band been present for the gig (instead they were diminished to two members).

The second support, Lonepine, performed very good music with a mix of indie-rock and folk sounds.

But some songs sounded like ‘60s throw-backs and could be likened to the majority of emorock around at the moment.

SCIENTISTS: Very Experimental

MAXÏMO PARK Apply Some Pressure Warp

Like The Futureheads, Kaiser Chiefs etc. before them, the Geordie fivesome re-release their debut single with the help of a raised profile to propel them into the nation's consciousness. Solid, but unspectacular.

6/10 WD

THE KOOKS Sofa Song

Virgin Records

The Kooks follow up their infectious debut single with this effort, a bit of a grower, which finds singer Luke Pritchard yelping at a prospective other half to “Come on over… the other side of my sofa”. Bounces along chirpily enough. 7/10 JS

LITTL'ANS (FEAT. PETE DOHERTY) Their Way Rough Trade

Playlist Troubling the Quench stereo this week... #2 Oooh, the NME would be proud....

Their way could easily be a Libertines b-side, with it's sense of romanticism, jangly happiness and the unique quality of Doherty's voice.

What makes it distinct is it's slightly mellow, mature, sixties-inspired vibe. Fantastic and inspiring. 9/10 ZE

MORNING RUNNER Be All That You Want Me To Be Parlaphone

From the Kings of Leon intro, to the Bono-esque opening vocal, to a soaring chorus of which Embrace would be proud, Be All That You…. never quite achieves an identity of its own, but its not bad nonetheless.

7/10 MH

Music

31

THE ARCTIC MONKEYS I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor Domino

Debut single from 'the northern Libertines'. I Bet You Look Good... is a fine racket, tailor-made for the snakebite-drenched dance floors it depicts, whilst the flipside is an understated slice of urchin-pop. Keep this up and they'll do their predecessors proud. 8/10 SD

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE Soul Meets Body Atlantic Records

If you’re not yet familiar with the works of Death Cab for Cutie, they’re great/uplifting/original in equal measures. Soul Meets Body is a good example of all these things. A perfect indie-pop single with vocal harmonies aplenty, the melody is sure to stay in your head through those rainy autumn days. 8/10 WH

AUDIO BULLYS I’m In Love Source

Audio Bullys seem to be documenting the redemption of man. They had that single about going out late and getting up to things they couldn’t tell us about – I’m saying nothing. This tune however, is all about having to get home, and wanting to stay in because they’re in love. Their beats aren’t so big and brash as they once were, although they’re still less annoying than The Streets. 5/10 CL

idol band-ter 1) If you could be anyone in the world for 24 hours, who would you be and why?

“Bill Gates. It would be wicked to be able to afford everything...”

2) If you could have a signature piece of equipment what would it look like?

“Olive Green, two dialled bass amp with an amazing basic sound” 3) Whats your favourite album of the last 12 months?

“Antics by Interpol” 4) When and where was your happiest moment?

“Getting married. ‘Nuff said.”

5) If you had a TV channel, what would be on it?

“Family Guy. And lots of it.”

undred Andy Bews, Hs Reason

Al t.

32 Music

Beginners’ Guide

A

lternative Country is the rather redundant and nonsensical label bandied around to a strew of bands for the past couple of decades, all of whom take their music with a swig of the Dustbowl-era folk of Hank Williams, two drams of the good-time bar brawling of The Allman Brothers, and fixed up with a chaser of the blue collar man-rock of Springsteen.

Both at odds with tearing up the Rogers and Parton country songbook yet also stunning you with sublime sunset ballads and heartsick break-up, the alt. country genre is by far the most reliable, consistent and emotionally rickety of all music.

The alt. country bible, No Depression, issued bi-monthy, celebrates its 10th anniversary this year, and is an essential guide for beginners and fans like.

Obviously, there's plenty of time for songs about dog ownership disputes, dead carrier pigeons and some old fashioned incest, so stick that in your Maximo Park pipe and smoke it. John Widdop

5

Co un tr y

UNCLE TUPELO

THE HANDSOME FAMILY

The most comprehensive, dense and out-and-out rocking album of the genre.

Concept album about trees, birds, small animals and red wine. Quietly charming.

Still Feel Gone

WHISKEYTOWN

Strangers Almanac

A pre-solo Ryan Adams and band nail their stargazing trucker indie credentials to the wall, and destroy hearts in the process.

Twilight

me Beco ert p an ex £50 with

DAMIAN JURADO

Rehearsals For Departure

Raymond Carver-esque story-songs are the order of the day, with a side order of black coffee and Marlboro Reds for afters.

SONGS:OHIA

The Magnolia Electric Company

A complete masterpiece. Jason Molina's final album as Songs:Ohia is dark, deadly and satisfyingly tragic.

NEKO CASE AND HER BOYFRIENDS

The Tigers Have Spoken

The first lady of current Americana, and unlikely pin-up, on a cumulative live album neatly condensing both her career and half a decade of smalltown folk music.

FIVE ARE-LIVE ...

The top five gigs you’d be a numpty to miss...

When: Saturday 15th October Who: Editors/Be Your Own Pet Where: Barfly

Foxy yanks and down-cast brummies club together for saucy MTV2 sponsored she-bang. Chubby Zane Lowe also brings his bulging record bag for post-gig posturing.

When: Tuesday 18th October Who: Bullet for my Valentine Where: Coal Exchange Latest export from emo/screamcore/very angry central (South Wales).

Get aggressive on home turf!

When: Monday 10th October Who: Wives Where: Clwb Ifor Bach Wives used to be a fantastic shouting punk mess, and they still are. Without doubt chaos will ensue. Plus skyscraping post-rock support from Exeter riot-monkeys An Emergency.

Recommended, muchly.

When: Sunday 16th October Who: Adequate Seven Where: Barfly There’s seven of them and they’re according to reliable sources - very

adequate. For punk/ska excitability get down the front and mosh with excitable rascals 5 years your junior.

It promises to be exciting, like.

When: Monday 10th October Who: Babyshambles Where: University Great Hall Will he? Won’t he? Pete the proposterous should be gracing the Great Hall with his rowdy rabble, narcotics and tomfoolery permitting. Expect anything but Model behaviour (Arf) from tabloid starlet and sometime great-songsmith. Let the catastrophy commence.

Books

books@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

33

WORD UP: A bit of a treat here as we review the fantastic debut novel from Cardiff University’s very own Richard Gwyn, The Colour Of A Dog Running Away - it’s been out a while, but is SO utterly fantastic it would be a crime to not harp on about it a bit more. Will Dean looks at American Splendor - Our Movie Year, the graphic novel about the film about the graphic novel (confused? You will be. But happily so), and this issue sees the concluding half of our MAN Booker special, where this year’s shortlist is perused and evaluated. Who’s gonna win the £50,000? Is Zadie Smith the hottest author ever? And are half the books as dull as heavyweight literature can, unfortunately, sometimes be? Answers to these questions and much, much more over the next illuminating few pages...

THE COLOUR OF A DOG RUNNING AWAY Richard Gwyn

Parthian Books

was prone to sacrificing characterisation, emotional depth and genuinely decent writing for the sake of a mindlessly readable plot (and fuck it, it was readable), The Colour Of A Dog… does none of these things, and as it happens is one of the most unique, absorbing reads to emerge for quite some time.

“Perhaps the most striking aspect of this book is its complete and admirable refusal to consign itself to one genre”

RUNNING AWAY: The dog that is

T

he Colour Of A Dog… is the debut novel by Cardiff University’s very own Richard Gwyn, and as well as being likened to The Da Vinci Code, has picked up all manner of critical acclaim. It also previously held the title of Waterstones’ ‘Book of the month’; not bad considering it is released through Parthian, a relatively small (though increasingly exciting) Welsh publishing house.

First off, let’s get those Da Vinci Code comparisons out of the way. It is true that a fairly lengthy section of the book deals with a fantastical medieval sect, and the subject of Catholicism is explored here in some depth. However, where Dan Brown

Following a frankly baffling (yet beautifully written) prologue - where ‘fugitive realities and elusive nostalgias’ are discussed – the story begins aproper. Lucas is our protagonist here, a former musician and traveller now carving out an existence as a translator living in a tastefully decorated apartment in Barcelona’s Gothic Quarter. His peaceful though rather mundane life is turned on its head by a picture postcard he finds one morning, of a painting currently on display in the museum. The date and time written on it lead him to meeting the enigmatic Nuria, and a passionate love affair is soon on the cards. This, of course, is before they find themselves awoken by the mysterious ‘roof people’, accosted by a crazed fortune teller and eventually kidnapped by the aforementioned Cathar sect, led by the magnetic and quite insane Andre Pontneuf.

Perhaps the most striking aspect of this book is its complete and admirable refusal to consign itself to one genre – is it a metaphysical love story, historical epic or merely a device for its author to engage himself with the dual complexities and emotions involved with storytelling?

In a sense it is all of these things,

BARCELONA: The gothic quarter and eminently readable with it.

Gwyn’s writing is unfussy and economical, and he conveys an austere beauty with his description reminiscent of the translated works of the Japanese master of storytelling, Haruki Murakami. In fact, Dog recalls Murakami’s masterpiece The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, which features a similarly cultured main character who finds himself drawn into an otherworldly mystery, where past lives, mysterious women and the arts converge. This is by no means a criticism, however, as Dog’s unflinching originality and readability give it a charm entirely of its own - its headspinning climax is particularly wonderful, and, much like the rest of the book, confusing, engrossing, and utterly enjoyable.

Basically, it kicks the shit out of The Da Vinci Code.

James Skinner

34 B o o k s

Booker-roo PART 2: THE 2005 SHORTLIST

o. The Booker Prize is upon us again. In fact, by now the winner either has been, or will very shortly be announced. Last year Alan Hollinghurst picked up the cheque for £50,000 with The Line Of Beauty, and the 2003 gong slightly more interestingly went to DBC Pierre (the DBC stands for ‘Dirty But Clean’).

The self-confessed conman and former criminal’s, debut novel Vernon God Little was, in all honesty, perhaps the most straightforwardly enjoyable book ever to win the prize.

This didn’t, however, stop it from intelligently tackling many of the issues facing corrupt modern America, and was thus regarded, by some at least, ‘worthy’. (Take note, judges. And bookmakers).

S

Boarding School. Hailsham is situated deep in the English countryside,and completely cut off from the outside world. The disturbing reasons for this – and the reasons the children are led to believe they are ‘special’ – become clear as the children grow up and the story unfolds.

KAZURO ISHIGURO: Previous winner Two Smiths in this year’s shortlist, Zadie and Ali respectively. On Beauty is Zadie Smith’s new book (6-1), and a fine one at that. Set at an American University city near Boston, it concerns itself with the Belsey family, whose patriarch Howard has recently had an affair with a colleague at the university. Howard, however, is only one in a vast canvas of characters (the kind Smith has become wholly adept at creating), whose lives are complicated by the arrival of Howard’s professional rival and antithesis, Sir Montague Kipps and his family.

FAVOURITE First up, this year’s favourite, Arthur & George by Julian Barnes (2-1). The Arthur and George of the title are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle of Sherlock Holmes fame, and one George Adalji, who was the son of an Indian Parsee and Scottish Vicar’s daughter. The fate of these two men became intertwined when George became the victim of a miscarriage of justice and sentenced to seven years for supposedly mutilating livestock; Conan-Doyle, who throughout his life was called upon to assist in criminal investigations, only once became involved – in the case of George Adalji.

Next! Never Let Me Go is former winner Kazuo Ishiguro’s latest offering (6-1), the story of Kathy, Tommy and Ruth, students attending Hailsham

ly’s doorstep one morning, only for each of them to fall in love with her in their own way. The stranger is Amber, and the family a seemingly normal, middle class family. The story is told variously through each member of the family’s eyes, in a subtle third person that has enthralled critics.

World War One is the backdrop for Sebastian Barry’s A Long, Long Way (7-1), the epic tale of Dublin born Private William Dunne which, on a grander scale, deals with the complicated relationship between Britain and Ireland around that era. Several favourable comparisons to Sebastian Faulks’ wonderful Birdsong have been made, which is certainly not a bad thing…

Finally, John Banville gives us The Sea (13-2), a meditation on life, love, loss and other such important things.

Max Morden is our main character here, who decides to return to a coastal town where he spent a memorable childhood holiday, and also met the enigmatic and seductive twins Myles and Chloe.

JULIAN BARNES

ZADIE SMITH: A beauty, On Beauty The Accidental is Ali Smith’s debut full-length novel (13-1), in which a mysterious stranger arrives on a fami-

In terms of who’s going to win, Barnes is a strong favourite, who definitely ticks the requisite literary boxes. All of the books here are of merit, though hard work in some cases, and it’s disappointing there isn’t something slightly more unique on the list, a Life Of Pi for this year.

Zadie Smith’s On Beauty is perhaps the most outright enjoyable book here, and might just claim the prize, but momentum is also building for The Accidental, and Zadie’s recent (negative) comments on the state of the UK may not have done her any favours with the judges.

The shortlist for the MAN Booker Prize 2005 then - not really that dull at all...

James Skinner

Splendor-ific

B o o k s 35

AMERICAN SPLENDOR - OUR MOVIE YEAR Harvey Pekar Titan

H

arvey Pekar's original American Splendor series, recounting the ordinary life of a government file clerk in Cleveland, was one of the few comic-book-to-movie adaptations that didn't involve superpowers and tights.

A few Sundance and Cannes prizes later, Pekar, quite literally, goes back to the drawing board to recount his year in the movies, much as he did when he discovered he had lymphoma and produced Our Cancer Year.

Featuring the drawing talents of Robert Crumb (an old pal) Mark Zingarelli and long time Pekar collaborator Gary Dumm, Our Movie Year traces Harvey from retirement, to selling his record collection to travelling the world on a press junket. In the middle of all this, Pekar profiles his favourite musicians, authors and movies including B.B. King, Stephen Crane and The Bicycle Thief.

What's so brilliant about this collection, and Pekar's storyboards in general, is the simplicity. Simple tales about a simple life shouldn't be so damn entertaining. But, like a good lyric, American Splendor flows seamlessly and without any unnecessary complications.

Will Dean

PAUL GIAMATTI AND HOPE DAVIS: Pekar and wife Joyce in the film of Pekar’s graphic novel

Film

10 10 05

film@gairrhydd.com

KEVIN SMITH WALKS OFF

After years of arguing for pal Jason Lee to play the title role of the new film Fletch, Kevin Smith has reportedly quit his job as director and writer.

The film will continue with Zach Braff as the favourite to play Fletch.

BELLY DANCER

Hollywood hottie of the moment, Jessica Alba, is rumoured to be in talks about starring in a remake of I Dream of Jeannie. Yes, that does mean she’ll be flashing her belly again. A lot.

Film News

BROOKE VS MILLER

THE SHINING REDUX

After the renewed success of Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ DVD release, a new version of Kubrick’s The Shining is set to be released by Warner Bros... Yes, I ask the same question as well, why?

Kelly Brooke and Sienna Miller are reportedly going head-to-head in a bid for the role of Bond-girl in the upcoming Casino Royale. So far, Miller is the favourite to win, to play opposite against a yet to be decided Bond.

BATMAN VS WOLVERINE

Christopher Nolan’s new project The Prestige is set at the turn of the century London. It stars Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman against each other as dueling magicians.

INDIANA JONES 4

As you may have heard already, Indy 4 is set to be in production very shortly. Already confirmed, on-board are Steven Spielberg, Harrison Ford and Sean Connery. Also set to star alongside is relatively unknown 19year-old model Laura Dutta from Houston, Texas.

M ORE Nick Frost

Rumours

After co-starring in the wonderfully funny Shaun of the Dead, Nick Frost co-stars in Kinky Boots. We should see more of this comic genius

This is a request to Guy Ritchie to make no more films and to be Madonna’s bitch, yes you heard me right, Ed Wood made better films

Guy Ritchie

L ESS

Out on DVD this week: Out Now - Bob Dylan: No Direction " Kingdom of Heaven !" " House of Wax Home !"

Out at cinemas this fortnight: Mon Oct - Kinky Boots ! Night " Serenity !" " Mon 14 Oct - Lord of Watch ! Oliver Twist !"

War ! Wallace & Gromit: Curse Of The Were-Rabbit

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film@gair rhydd

By Ryan Owen Film Editor

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hy is there an obsession with Hollywood remaking, adapting, or reinventing franchises? Where have all the original ideas for the silver screen gone?

I’m not slagging remakes for existing. There are great re-makes (Scarface, The Thing), re-imaginings (The Magnificent Seven, Star Wars) and franchise resurgences (Batman Begins, Superman Returns), and I totally understand why they happen (guaranteed box-office potential, new audiences), but the screens in cinemas seem to be saturated with films that aren’t new or original.

After many a great decade of cinema, you would think producers and studios could be a tad more risky by funding original ideas and concepts but this cetainly isn’t the case. They seem to be scared and end up releasing rubbish (The Grudge, Ring Two, and soon to be innanely shit Doom) At least we are seeing top calibre directors helming these concepts, but it would be so much more interesting for a new idea rather than a new Willy Wonka, Oliver Twist or another Batman film.

Rant Over. Feel free to air your views to us at Film Desk at grfilmdesk@hotmail.com.

What Quench did this week We headed down to The Point to watch The Goonies on the big screen. For those who don’t already know, The Point (Mount Stuart Sq, Cardiff Bay) show a cult film on the last Sunday of every month. You can drink, smoke and have a dance afterwards. Next month: Ghostbusters.

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Film

TIM BURTON'S CORPSE BRIDE Dir. Tim Burton, Mike Johnson Cast: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Christopher Lee Released: out now, 99 mins

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ohnny Depp and Tim Burton yet again collaborate to bring eagerly awaited Corpse Bride, seemingly in the vein of fantastical cult-animation Nightmare Before Christmas.

Victor Van Dort (Johnny Depp) is about to get married to rosey-cheeked Victoria Everglot, (Emily Watson) but troubles to remember his vows during the rehearsal. His bad job at remembering the vows leads to a backlash from Pastor Galswells (Christopher Lee) and Victoria’s parents. A stressed Victor then runs off into the woods where he recites his vows, putting the wedding ring upon the finger of a woman's skeleton, that of a Corpse Bride.

Unbeknownst to him, the Corpse Bride (Helena Bonham Carter) emphatically returns to the land of the living as a ghost claiming that she is now legally his bride. She drags him underneath the graveyard into the land of the dead. Whilst Emily is delighted with her new husband,

AD VA RE NC VIE ED W

Victor still wants to marry his original fiancée, Victoria (Watson).

Through Burton’s vision, we get the sense that to exist in the land of the dead is far more interesting, colourful and lively than in that of the living and we half-wish that Victor would stay there. The caricatures of the living make it hard to want to see him live, with the devious Barkis Bittern played

by Richard E. Grant and the immensely condescending minister voiced by Christopher Lee.

Suprisingly touching and alluring For once Depp underplays his role, similar to that of the bumbling Ichabod Crane in Sleepy Hollow, as his character stumbles within the life of the living.

Woody Allen’s obsession with death is shared by Burton; however, he takes it further by insanely showing off detached body parts a la Beetle Juice. Comical it may be, surprisingly touching and alluring it is also. It’s funny to think Corpse Bride, an anima-

tion, made a grown man like myself cry (please don’t tell anyone). Emily’s heart doesn’t beat but she endears us in such a way that we cannot help but warm to her. Corpse Bride is painstakingly sentimental, with Victor and Emily romantically lit by the moon.

As with Burton’s previous animations, Corpse Bride is part-musical and we even see Jack Skellington’s dog zero (Nightmare before Christmas) make an appearance, as well as a clever reference of Gone With the Wind for good measure. However Corpse Bride follows the same trend of ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’, that the songs are simply average and they don’t hit the musical highs of Vincent and The Nightmare before Christmas. The same goes for Danny Elfman’s score which is repetitive and generic as oppose to something fresh.

Corpse Bride is certainly no Planet of the Apes, and is a welcome addition to Burtons ouvre being far funnier, more intelligent, and more meaningful than possibly any other releases this year.

Ryan Owen

Film

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HISTORY OF VIOLENCE Dir. David Cronenberg Cast: Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, Ed Harris Rel: Out Now, 95 mins f you want to shake off a persona gained through one of the biggestgrossing cinema trilogies there are worse ways to go about it than playing an understated everyman with a past (football hooligans, anyone?). Of course it helps when you’re working with one of cinema’s most interesting directors, and a script that slowly ratchets up the tension without overplaying its hand.

So Viggo "Aragorn" Mortensen is Tom Stall, owner of an average diner, in an average American town, with a family that suffers from average family problems. But then Tom, acting in selfdefence, shoots dead two men after they try to hold up his business and, much to his unease, is hailed by the media as an American hero.

At first this seems to be natural modesty, but when Ed Harris’ menacing stranger turns up (complete with obligatory Cronenberg facial disfigurement) and claims Tom has a more colourful past than he claims, the landscape starts to shift. Tom’s son abandons his non-violent stance towards his bullies, while his wife (Maria Bello) moves their relationship from harmless sex games into something altogether more disturbing.

History of Violence has all the feel of a deft pot-boiler, rather than the work of David Cronenberg, the man who brought us Naked Lunch and Crash. But it’s difficult to imagine a more mainstream director being able to give us such an effective thriller that’s as much a comment on American society as it is a gripping thriller.

I NEWCASTLE: roasting gone wrong GOAL! Dir. Danny Cannon Cast: Kuno Becker, Sean Pertwee, Anna Friel Rel: Out Now, 118 mins exican kid, living illegally in America, gets spotted by out-of-work talent scout, is granted a trial for Newcastle United, and then shoots his way to glory alongside Alan Shearer. Dear Lord, this film could have gone so wrong.

Director Danny Cannon is perhaps best known for his comically dire I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and his diarrhoetically comic interpretation of Judge Dredd. It would seem that where he falls down on slasherteen-sequels and Neanderthal-fronted sci-fi he excels in TV drama (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation) and football films – this one! His success seems to be all about choices. His star, Kuno Becker, while not especially good at acting, is loveably honest and reminiscent of the recently retired f(l)airplay Chelsea legend Gianfranco Zola. He displays the same passion for the game and lack of arrogance, despite having the skill that made Zola universally admired. His club: Newcastle United. A city of dedicated supporters, a climate so drastically far removed from Los Angeles and a potential so desperately in need of realisation that no one can begrudge them success in this film.

With cameos from some of the world’s best players thrown in for good measure and a love-interest to boot, this film has a lot to offer. It’s been a long time coming but finally a reasonable rags-to-riches football film is here.

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Harold Shiel

LORD OF WAR Dir. Andrew Niccol Cast: Nicolas Cage, Ethan Hawke, Jared Leto, Ian Holm Rel: 14th Oct, 122 mins icolas Cage can be good, very good (Adaptation), or so bad it makes you want to shoot yourself in the head, twice (National Treasure). In Andrew Niccol’s latest production, luckily, he is perfectly watchable, as is the film, but no more than that.

It centres on Yuri Orlov’s (Cage) rise from poor Ukrainian wastrel to global arms dealer. With the help of his addict brother (Jared Leto) this transition takes place in about ten minutes, which left a curious wonder- as how this rise had been achieved in such a short time.

As with all crime thrillers there is the obligatory love interest involved, but this relationship again is explored about as much as [insert appropriate un-explored region here]. To make matters worse there’s no real continuing plot line, but it’s not as though we are offered well-developed characters as any alternative. But with some truly beautiful cinematography and scathing examination of the more horrific of African regimes it just about manages to save itself towards the end.

To choose not to see this would offer no real detriment to the average day, but it sure beats some of Cage’s previous outings behind a loaded gun and an even worse script.

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Andy Llewellyn

William Hitchins

VIGGO: and he’s got a gun

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Film

REVOLVER Dir. Guy Ritchie Cast: Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Andre Benjamin Rel: Out Now, 115 mins fter reading the column inches saying how wank this film is, I still watched Revolver with a open mind. Or as open a mind you can have of course. And boy was it wank. The film has a reasonable cast with Jason Statham (Lock Stock..., Snatch), a truly dire Ray Liotta (Goodfellas, Carlsberg adverts) and André Benjamin (a.k.a André 3000) but with a screenplay like Revolver no amount of quality acting was going to be its saviour.

Moving quickly on to a confusing and unbelievable plot line that is laced with rubbish acting and terrible dialogue which leaves you feeling as perplexed as if you were trying to complete a really fiendish Suduko.

But a few saving graces are offered (a broken clock is right twice a day), like the use of Japanese style animation

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The DVDon

Reviews you cant refuse THE WITCHES, rel. 17th October As Roald Dahl fever continues, we’re finally treated to Nicholas Roeg’s delightful interpretation of The Witches. Worth seeing for Angelica Huston’s scary portrayal of the Grand High Witch, no doubt you were quivering behind the sofa if you saw this as a nipper. Also featuring the cream of British cast members, Rowan Atkinson, Brenda Blethyn and Jane Horrocks. A nightmarish, twisted fantasy where witches are plotting to rid the world of children and washing is strictly prohibited.

The Don Says: “I once tried my hand at witchcraft. Turning people into dancing badgers was fun but being drowned until my eyes popped out of my sockets wasn’t”

in one scene (see Kill Bill), and Sorter’s character who is, essentially, a geeky assassin but still manages to have an aura of cool about him.

Suggestions that multiple viewings reveal the indecipherable plot offer little encouragement as this reviewer wouldn’t mind being blind, deaf and possibly even dead if it meant never having to watch this film ever again.

beating up one of the other workers after being bullied. He then escapes, travelling to London where he meets

Adam Boulton

OLIVER TWIST Dir. Roman Polanski Cast: Ben Kingsley, Barney Clark, Rel: Out Now, 130 mins oman Polanski teaming up with Ben Kingsley on a version of Oliver Twist has been long anticipated and well worth the wait.

An adaptation of the classic Dickens tale, where little Oliver Twist’s parents die and he is adopted by the local parish. Oliver (Barney Clark) and fellow children feel begrudged of the measly food they receive, and when Little Twist “wants some more” he is then shipped out to a new foster home where he takes to

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AMERICAN PIE: BAND CAMP, rel.Out Now Matt Stiffler is sentenced to Band Camp where he plans on playing a series of practical jokes on the kids there. Instead, he falls for a young woman and tries to change his ways.

Full of gross-out humour and sexual hijinks, it’s a funny watch like a kebab - only when you’re drunk.

The Don Says: “I once tried to fuck a pie. It was rubbish” LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN’S APOCALYPSE, rel. Out Now When the world of the ‘local people’ meets ours many hilarious antics ensue. Sadly this isn’t the case. A reasonable idea is dragged out, distorted, and warped beyond the realms of reason. Three of the poorest characters from the original series are milked dry. Perhaps the silver screen was a step too far for these undeniably talented writers.

The Don Says: “I once hung out with local people. I got sick of their silly idiosyncrasies and ordered Tony Jaa to kick their asses” HOUSE OF WAX, rel. Out Now The story of a group of college kids on their way to a football game who decide to camp out for the night and have a run in with the local weirdo.

the charismatic Artful Dodger (Harry Eden), showing him the ways of the five finger discount. He is introduced to the incredibly handsome Fagin (Ben Kingsley) who takes a shine to Oliver, taking him under his wing.

Kingsley shows us why he is Sir Ben Kingsley, by putting in a performance deserving critical acclaim as Fagin. Later in the film we meet Jamie Foreman, who plays Bill Sykes, and is frightfully terrifying. Polanski excels with exceptional set design and background characters that make us believe every second. All round its a good film, nothing more, nothing less.

Ryan Owen

Upon waking the next morning they make a gruesome discovery and decide to go into town to find a part after car troubles. They then wander into a museum overseen by a sadistic curator. Family stuff.

The Don Says: “I once poured wax on someone. She had an orgasm so I poured a whole bucket full on her.

She then died, screaming loudly. ”

THE CANNELONI SPECIAL KINGDOM OF HEAVEN Rel. Out Now

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idley Scott hopes to relive his Gladiator success with yet another historical epic. This time Orlando Bloom is his Russell and some other fella is his Joaquin.

Featuring a handful of Brits-inHollywood heavyweights like Liam Neeson, Jeremy Irons and David Thewlis to guarantee esteemed performances from his cast.

Given it’s Ridley at the helm ‘twas unlikely to be a bad film and it isn’t.

It remains standard, formulaic fare but is an effective one. The decision to cast genuine, real-life Muslims adds to its credit.

The Don Says: “I once had a kingdom of Heaven. It was sweet as pie until the Rasmus came to town”

Film Desk’s Catherine Gee celebrates a unique comedic talent

Film

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Y A R R U M L BIL W

All about Bill...

idely recognised as one of the most acclaimed comedy actors of his generation, Bill Murray has entertained people throughout the planet with his performances. Born on the 21st of September a long time ago in 1950, Murray originally went to med school but dropped out in his sophomore year after being arrested for possession of cannabis.

He followed his brother, Brian Doyle-Murray, on the National Lampoon Radio Hour where he met future Saturday Night Live collaborators John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd. He found fame and success during his stint on SNL between 1976 and 1980 and went on to make his first films, Meatballs (1979) and Caddyshack (1980).

It was on the set of Caddyshack that he met future Ghostbusters partner Harold Ramis. Though the part was originally intended for John Belushi, who died before production began, it was this film that became his biggest, early years success, now a firm favourite of anyone who was young in the 80s and many more since then. Other successes included Stripes (1981), Scrooged (1988) and Groundhog Day (1993).

As he has got older, Murray has chosen increasingly mature roles. Finding renewed acclaim in The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) and Lost in Translation (2003) he sealed his status as one of the smartest comedy actors. We must be warned, however, that as his recent productions of A Life Aquatic and Broken Flowers have exhausted him he intends to take a break.

THE ULTIMATE BILL MURRAY MINI-QUIZ 1. Did Bill Murray co-star alongside John Belushi in National Lampoon’s Animal House?

2. What was the name of Peter Venkman’s TV show in Ghostbusters 2?

3. How many films has Bill made with Wes Anderson?

4. What role did Bill play in Little Shop of Horrors?

5. True or false? Bill has been nominated for an Oscar? pain addicted dental patient, 5. True 1. No, 2. World of the Psychic, 3. 3, 4. a

Broken Flowers

QUENCH’S TOP 5 BILL FILMS 1. GROUNDHOG DAY 2. GHOSTBUSTERS 3. GHOSTBUSTERS 2 4. LOST IN TRANSLATION 5. CADDYSHACK

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Arts

arts@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

Cardiff goes a bit crazy On Leaving and Arriving @ g39 and around Cardiff

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The Fall of the House of Usherettes @ Sherman Theatre

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he Fall of the House of Usherettes splices together animation, film and melodramatic acting to create a hugely entertaining celebration of 100 years of cinema.

Loosely based on an Edgar Allen Poe poem, this production follows Mr Earlobes’ journey into the crumbling Empire cinema, and charts his encounters with the mysterious high pitched old ladies who still inhabit it.

We discover how these usherettes have a nasty habit of trapping unsuspecting visitors in film loops, as well as showing they hold the secret to "Liquid Film", a well kept cinematic invention.

The play knowingly parodies the classic tools of old cinema with its purposefully slapstick animation and film shorts, which are perfectly interwoven with the high-calibre comical acting. The usherettes, all played by men, continually speak in riddles and poems, yet are the first to mock this slightly pretentious acting tool. Overall it was a wonderfully bizzare and incredibly refreshing piece of theatre.

Ellen Waddell

f you’ve seen random beige shipping crates dotted around the city centre recently then you’ve seen On Leaving and Arriving.

The exhibition is the latest project by contemporary art gallery g39. Nine international and Welsh artists explore notions of displacement, of crossing a threshold into another place and, you guessed it, of leaving and arriving. The use of shipping containers to house the artworks connects the exhibition to movement between international destinations.

On Leaving and Arriving draws on the historical role of Cardiff as a port city where trading and global influences shaped its social dynamics and cultural make-up.

Rabab Ghazoul’s work is particularly fascinating as it explores the artist’s relationship with her Iraqi heritage. Ghazoul is separated from Iraq by only one generation, but a thousand miles. Her performance and installation explores a culture she knows only through stories and fragments.

Each shipping container houses something different, whether it be a video installation, sculpture or performance piece. The exhibition offers an exciting new way to enjoy art and shouldn’t be missed. On Leaving and Arriving runs until October 21.

Kim O’Connor

What’s On Gwilym Prichard New Paintings @ Martin Tinney Gallery, 28 September - 15 October Gwilym Prichard, a highly respected Welsh artist, is exhibitioning his work once again in the Martin Tinney Gallery. His colourful, dramatic paintings of the Welsh landscape are captivating and widely admired, making this exhibition worth a visit. Gwilym was awarded The Silver Medal by the French Academy of Arts in 1995, for his exceptional style and skill. His paintings are of unique quality and expertly capture the natural beauty of the countryside. Following the incredible sales success of his paintings in the past, this exhibition promises to be truly intriguing.

The Mark Morris Dance Group@ Wales Millennium Centre, 14 - 15 October This night of contemporary dance is choreographed by renowned practitioner Mark Morris. The performance features four individual styles of dance and makes for an exciting evening for the entire audience. The Mark Morris Dance Group performance is part of the Wales Millennium Centre’s ‘New World Series’ trilogy and also features James Thierree (20 - 23 Oct), physical theatre and Circus Oz (9 - 12 Nov). The special offer accompanying these productions is a 20% discount when booking two shows across the series and a 30% discount when booking all three, making them affordable and unmissable.

A Man For All Seasons @ New Theatre, 10 - 15 October

Have you seen a box like this?

A historical drama about the noble Sir Thomas Moore and his moral determination to defy Henry VIII. The production features televison actor Martin Shaw, who is returning to the stage for the first time in 13 years.

C u l t C l a s s i c s

classics@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

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It’s Alan against Allen. Let the games begin ALAN ATTACK

Partridge for the UK

“If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there’s a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who’s also your brother”

“I object, your honour! This trial is a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham”

(Alan talking to a farmer in the classic episode Watership Alan)

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(Woody Allen as Fielding Mellish in the 1971 classic Bananas)

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lan Partridge has been a lynchpin in my lifelong struggle with mediocre comedy. Having begun his career on the radio show On the Hour, Alan (Im sure we’d be on first name terms) first took to the screen on The Day Today presenting the sports news. His charisma, charm, and wit caught the eye of Tony Hares at the BBC who jumped in with an offer of his own TV show, Knowing Me, Knowing You. Alas, as the last echoing "A-ha," from the first series left our TV screens, Alan’s career at the BBC came to an end. He was struck off the BBC’s roster due to poor ratings.

His life in turmoil, He had to effectively live in a travel tavern struggling to make ends meet via the odd corporate video and his own production company ‘Peartree Productions’ while pleading with the powers that be at the Beeb for a second series.

After coming within a heartbeat of getting a second series yet having it snatched away by cruel fate, Alan hit an all time low. Battling with a Toblerone addiction he drove to Dundee without shoes on. This was a revelation for him and he got himself back on track by securing himself a new military-based quiz-show on UK Conquest called Skirmish, and published his own book called Bouncing Back. The last we heard of him, however, his book had bombed and his mind was being haunted by memories of his lowest ebb. After all he’s not a miracle worker, he’s Alan Partridge.

Harold Shiel

PARTRIDGE: Quietly Confident

WOODY WONDER

Allen representing the USA

WOODY: American Hero THE VERDICT: NO SCORE DRAW Since Woody Allen is a pacifist he was never really going to be able to contest this fight in a very aggresive manner. But with Partridge completely befuddled by recurring lap-dancing visions and distracted by his latest range of sports casuals it’s clearly a case of honours even.

ots of people dismiss Woody. If you don’t like his work then that’s ok, because in his own words losing money is what makes him an artist. Admissions such as this are, of course half of Allen’s appeal. He has a chequered career but there’s never been any doubt of his ability to laugh, and laugh first and foremost at himself.

Whilst this is an endearing image Allen is most identifiable for his more obvious cartoon-like qualities, for Woody Allen has got to be one of the most stereotypical caricatures you have ever seen. He is the archetypal embodiment of Greenwich village.

Quite unsurprisingly for such a feeble looking man sex is never far away. But he is by no means a one trick pony. From the groundbreaking Everything you Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask) in which Woody plays roles as varied as a horny court jester to a sperm to the brilliant Bananas where Woody is the hopelessly inadequete Fielding Mellish who inadvertently stumbles to the presidency of the rogue state of San Marcos (fake beard ‘n’ all).

Of course like all great comedians Allen has also been able to tackle important questions whilst remaining entertaining. Throughout his thirty year career he has been able to cover a wide range of genres from laugh-a-minute comedies like Sleeper and Love and Death to documentary films such as Zelig. With his ability to vary between drama and humour it is no surprise that he is considered a pivotal figure in American cinema.

Matthew Turtle

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Digital

digital@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

Mmm... svelte Sam Curtis puts the PSP through its paces

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t around the same size as the Nintendo DS, the most immediately noticeable feature of the PSP is the screen, so big that the buttons seem to have been squeezed in around it. Unlike the DS the PSP may be used as an Mp3 player and DVD player as well as a games machine.

The picture is phenomenally sharp; the one I was using came with a Spiderman 2 UMD which played crystal clear with none of the lag or muted volume that the PS2 is notorious for. In addition to this the mp3 sound quality is excellent, especially when used in conjunction with the bundled Sony headphones.

In game graphics are superb. I played FIFA 2005 which is near identical to the PS2 version with only slightly scaled down graphics and features (most noticeably it lacks a real-world transfer market and a career mode).

Amazingly the PSP not only connects to other PSPs but can connect wirelessly to a router. This allows it to be used to access the internet, download updates and potentially to play online games.

First impressions then and the PSP seems to have completely outclassed the DS. However, it isn’t without its

faults. Although the screen is sharp it suffers from dead pixels, (i.e. pixels which always remain on). Mine had two to start with, and it was new. In addition to this, fast moving bright red objects tend to ghost across the

ALIEN HOMINID This is the debut console title of indie games developers The Behemoth. Play the original flash game at newgrounds.com YOU’RE AN ALIEN, you’ve crashlanded on Earth and the FBI is after you. This is as complicated as the plot of Alien Hominid gets.

The game is completely 2D, heavily influenced by the Metal Slug series of the 1990s. You progress through the sixteen levels blasting increasingly more bizarre and more powerful enemies. There are the ubiquitous power-ups to be collected as well as the ability to drive any vehicle that the alien comes across, and a two player mode.

The levels become ridiculously frantic; only the second sees the hominid hopping from car to car on a

busy motorway while the FBI destroy vehicles around it. In another, the hominid must pilot a space ship grabbing agents, guns and missiles with a tractor beam and hurling them at other enemies, or sadistically dropping them into a shredder.

This variation from the standard jump and shoot formula keeps the game fresh and interesting.

As you progress through the game you can unlock mini-games, one of the best being All You Can Eat: a simple

screen (although the sight of a DVD or 3D game playing on a 4.3 inch screen is incredible).

My main criticism of the PSP rests with the analogue stick; it feels wrongly placed, forcing you to contort your thumb in order to use it. The absence of a right analogue stick is also noticeable particularly with FIFA, where first touch moves are now controlled by the d-pad which is frustrating to say the least. Irritatingly, the analogue stick is also near to the memory card slot: consequently the memory card kept ejecting during play.

These flaws aside the PSP is leagues ahead in the handheld market offering superior graphics and features. However, at nearly two hundred pounds (a hundred more than the DS), its worth considering how often you’re going to want to watch a DVD in a small screen or listen to a relatively low capacity mp3 player. button bashing contest. The graphics although 2D are outstanding; all the characters are hand drawn and insanely colourful and the explosions satisfyingly over the top.

At times however the graphics become too hectic, forcing you to take a break from the relentless chaos onscreen. It’s only a small gripe, and ultimately Alien Hominid is hugely entertaining.

Blam! Blam! KA-BOOM!

Sport

sport@gairrhydd.com

10 10 05

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Boring, boring football Tim Lewis asks if Premiership football is really as bad as everyone is making out? one-horse race thanks to the investment of over £200million in new players by Chelsea. Never in it’s history have a team been declared certain winners at the end of September and bookies paid out winnings to those who placed preseason bets.

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So does this mean the death of the premiership? Certainly not. It is nothing more than a sign that it is changing

Chelsea continue to ignore the critics of their so called ‘boring’ style of football, confidently brushing aside everyone in their path with ease. It is not only the money that has brought Chelsea success; they have been lucky enough to have recruited one of the best

BORING: Fans turn away

mangers in football, along with having existing players emerge into world class footballers, such as John Terry.

Chelsea look like they could go on to dominate the Premiership for the next few years, but that is no different from the great Liverpool teams of the 70’s and the Manchester United team of the 90’s.

So does this mean the death of the Premiership? Certainly not. It is nothing more than a sign that the Premiership is changing. To see this you have to look no further than Roy Keane. He has been a symbol for everything about the Premiership over the last ten years; his decision to leave at the end of the season is confirmation that it is time for a new era. It’s time for someone new to take over the reigns from Manchester United and Arsenal and start to dominate the Premiership.

Away from Chelsea the Premiership is as unpredictable as ever, newly promoted teams touted as nothing more than also-rans have impressed with their early season form. Last season’s surprise package, Everton, have struggled in the few first few months and it looks like everyone is capable of beating anyone else at the moment. It is easy to forget that last season’s relegation battle was one of the closest in the history of the premiership.

Ok, the Premiership is going through a bit of a bit of a slow patch but in a few months, when ticket sales start to rise again and teams start to battle to stay up or push for Europe, all this talk of ‘boring’ football will be forgotten. If England go on to do well in the World Cup, this time next season interest will be as high as ever and everyone will be talking about the Premiership as the best league in the world.

“

S

o the Premiership is boring and English football is on the decline. That’s if you believe everything that you have read in the press in the last few weeks.

Cricket is the new football and before long everyone will be walking around in shirts with Flintoff on the back instead of Beckham.

So maybe it is time for something new, the recent Ashes series captured the heart of the nation with its tense finishes, big characters and all-round quality of play. Contrast this to some of the Premiership games that have taken place this season and it is easy to see why the viewing figures are falling.

The upcoming cricket Super Series in which a World XI will play Australia is generating huge interest all around the world. Having two Englishmen in the World Super Team (well, one and a half if you are going to be harsh) should ensure that there is great interest back home. It has also been reported this week that a Texan businessman is to invest around £16million into West Indian cricket to make it a global phenomenon. The fast pace of the twentytwenty competitions and excitement of the day/night matches appear to have captured a new television audience that seem set to be exploited.

But before we all start putting our cricket whites on and sipping afternoon tea, it’s worth asking: is the Premiership really all that bad?

Do we really want to be spending a long summer’s day watching fiftyover cricket matches that could end in a draw?

It was only two years ago, when Manchester United and Arsenal had dominated the Premiership for the best part of a decade, that people were getting bored of the two-horse race and asking for someone new to step up the challenge. That twohorse race has now turned into a

46 T e l e v i z z l e

Tu n n e l V ision

By Will Dean

Big Wolf on Campus

Q

television@gairrhydd.com

here), is a dying industry. Telly producers gave themselves enough rope by hiring one dull ex-footballer after another. Surely there are enough professional sports broadcasters to fill their shoes. My call? Replace selftitled ‘experts/useless in all other aspects of life former Pros like Lawro’ with Adrian Chiles and have done with it.

10 10 05

SCORSESE: “Look at my shiny trophy!”

DYLAN: “You should see my Oscar mate” SCORSESE: “Damn”

Unfortunately Dixon comes from the Gary Neville school of ‘rightbackswhoshoudlnotbepundits’... about as much charisma as Steve Davis reading The Shipping Forecast

uick! Sound the alarms! Alert the authorities! Something has to be done. Lee Dixon. Step.

Away. From. The. Microphone.

So Match of The Day’s been back for a few weeks. And by jiffy V Willy did his bit to adverdon’t the BBC know how to punish tise Quench’s professionalus. After what seems like decades ism this week when taping of the dour duo of Hansen and the much-admired Dylan-doc, Lawrenson, new recruits like the Bringing It All Back former Arsenal right-back Home, by managing to have begun to break only tape the first through to the first team. hour of part one…

Unfortunately Dixon and then watching comes from the Gary it drunk after an Neville school of ‘rightalcopop-fuelled backswhoshouldnotnight in “Fun” bepundits’ and when Factory. faced with overseeIrrespective of ing the new feature this I did manthat analyse some age to see part of the night’s part two main game he does despite my it with as much housemates’ charisma as Steve preference for a Davis reading The game of Halo on the XShipping Forecast.

Box. Though it pains me to admit Though an enjoyable it, DIxon and I have more in comlook through the formative mon than we ought to. We’re year’s of Bod’s career feaboth from Manchester, both City turing a bunch-load of charfans, are both hopelessly inaracters from his autobiograticulate when a microphone is phy, Chronicles, BIABH placed in front of us, and are became such a ‘significant’ both former-professional footTV event because of Martin ballers. One of these Scorsese’s involvement claims may be unsub- LEE DIXON: Like Steve Davis, as director. Fair only duller. Jesus wept stantiated. enough, Scorsese’s Punditry, like farminterest in music is well ing and ringtones (I’m trying to documented (see The Last Waltz), create a self-fulfilling prophecy but the interview with Dylan himself

T

(and the main draw of the programmes) was recorded five years ago with Dylan’s manager. Simon Hattenstone begged the question in The Guardian, ‘if Scorsese didn’t do this’ – the main original footage in the film – ‘and the film was edited by David Tedeschi, what on earth did he do?’ The interviews with Joan Baez and Lee van Ronk? I could have bloody done that.

Hmmph. This could see the start of a worrying trend. We already see Quentin Tarantino’s name plastered on every film the Tennessean has ever even blinked at in an Asian cinema. How long before other A-list directors jump on to ideas they are quite keen on? Stephen Spielberg presents The Sopranos or even Ron Howard presents Will & Grace. Hey, from now on we might as well start calling this column ‘Sports Desk presents Tunnel Vision’ (edited and written by TV Desk).

From the darkest corners of CAPITAL city, it’s...

Vinyl

10 10 05

Resting

with Bastian Springs

47

Place

H

ello! It really is a double serving of subliminal mind-fucks in the VRP this week. Firstly, a pop song about not being a social stereotype sung whilst dressed like a social stereotype, by someone who retaliates against social stereotypes by making the most stereotypical music humanly possibly and being married to a the dictionary definition of a stereotype who sulks about not wanting to be a stereotype. And on the other hand, a band actively trying so hard not to be a stereotype of pop music in general, they’ve become the biggest stereotype possible of their own genre they’re transcended stereotypicality and created their own new type of stereotype. To conthey’re all fuckers. The key to succeeding in pop music is, don’t try to be different because

By Bastian Springs clude; you look like a prize-winning turd. They key to a successful retaliation against pop music is surely The Subliminal don’t try too hard, because you’ll go full circle and end up with your head up your arse.

Mind Fuck Conveniently, moving on:

Record #17 - Gwen Stefani - Holla Back Girl Crime: This Banana is Shit

F

ifteen seperate Google searches and a rummage through a hip urban dictionary, and I still don’t know what a “Holla Back Girl” is.

Although, let’s face facts here, Gwen probably doesn’t either, but hey! That doesn’t really matter because the lipstick-stained tart could sing any old tripe over a Neptunes beat farted out by Pharell bending over after a curry, and it’ll still be considered inspira-

tional and unique. Gwen Stefani, ladies and gentlemen, is not an individual, or a fashion mega-icon, or Queen-offreaking-Pop-Hearts - FACT! Because she’s married to Gavin Rossdale... Mmm check out the inspirational uniqueness on that life choice.

Instead, we have a jumped up music exec’s Sex-WithMadonna-inspired wet dream, chundering sub-TLC gibberish, decked out like Lewis Carroll

with his pants down, hearing the first cuckoo of Spring. The list of oh-so-wonderful imagery used to give the impression Holla Back Girl isn’t actively atrocious includes majorettes, cheerleaders and a veritable kaleidoscope of fast-paced fast-moving bad ideas on legs.

Evidently acting like the Blue Peter studio backstage area after John Leslie’s picked the guests is pretty individual and unique.

Gwen: ‘Leader of the Cack’

Record #16 - Green Day - American Idiot Crime: WHY IS THIS SONG SO GOOD IT SOUNDS LIKE ALL THEIR OTHERS

I

Green Day: Retch Armstrong

repeat, WHY OF ALL THE MANY TIMES THAT GREEN DAY HAVE RE-HASHED EXACTLY THE SAME GOD DAMN INSIPID POP PUNK FODDER IS THIS THE ONE THAT MADE THEM TRANSGLOBAL POLITICAL SPOKESMEN AND UNIVERSIALLY POPULAR??????

For American Idiot, see also: One By One by the Foo Fighters, Wires by Athlete, and whilst we’re at it - EVERY FREAKING KYLIE MINOGUE SINGLE AS WELL, ALRIGHT? All of them lined up together in the ‘inexplicable rise in popularity’ library in

Dunceville, UK. See American Idiot also in the adjacent aisle: ‘songs about pointless nonsense like Lynyrd Skynyrd and the insignificant angst of painfully insecure Londonites but if we pretend it’s an attack on George Bush that’ll get the students buying our records won’t it guys’; right next to that Bloc Party song which, oh let’s see, SOUNDS LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. Credit where credit’s due though, repetition in music isn’t all bad: Andrew WK could re-write Party Hard until he’s 97 and he’d still be completely brilliant, but the

problem with American Idiot, aside from it being, excuse me, ANOTHER DULL GREEN DAY SONG, is the casual selfsatisfaction on Billy Joe Armstrong’s face, nodding away as he knows he’s written the punk rulebook once again. It seems ripping off NOFX (key listening material: The Decline), AFI (key viewing material: Davy Havoc’s face), and - oh yeah, THEIR OWN FUCKING BACK CATALOGUE is the way forward for all the free thinking individualist anarchists who buy their CDs for £9.97 in Tesco. Punk’s not dead.

Who’s up next week? Katie Melua covering The Cure on The Heaven and Earth Show? Bros? Sean Paul? challenge Bastian to a ‘who knows more about shit music duel’... bastian@gairrhydd.com

Tr a v e l

Couch surfing Amy Harrison looks into the growing craze of Couch Surfing

Y

ou have just bought a dirt cheap aeroplane ticket to an exciting city and now you are faced with the problem of finding a place to stay.

Do you choose to spend your trip in a luxury hotel, participating in the hotel excursions? Or do you stay in a budget hostel, sleeping all day and drinking all night whilst singing along to American Pie with a bunch of Kiwis and Aussies?

But wherever you are in the world, neither option allows you to fully embrace a city’s culture or experience the true essence of a country. For the ‘real’ experience you need to live the life with a local. If only you had friends around the world who could show you ‘their’ city. Cue Couch Surfing…

Couch Surfing? What? Simply speaking, couch surfing is when you stay at someone’s house. It’s a relatively new concept amongst travellers who want to discover a country from the local’s perspective rather than the tourist’s. CouchSurfing.com provides a space for travellers to meet, uniting people across the globe, putting travellers in touch with potential hosts.

The aim of CouchSurfing.com is, ‘to internationally network people and places, create educational exchanges, raise collective consciousness, spread tolerance, and facilitate cultural understanding.’ CouchSurfing.com provides the networking service for free, and hosts put travellers up for free, on the proviso that they can stay on your couch if they come to visit your country. This makes it a brilliant

10 10 05

travel@gairrhydd.com

solution for student travellers on a tight budget. Although this travelling style has been titled couch surfing, you may find yourself in a tent, a spare room or on a heap of cushions.

As a host you have complete control in deciding whether you want someone to stay or not. You are not bound to act as a host once you become a member; how you wish to use the service is entirely up to you.

Some people choose to have a constant stream of travellers in and out of their home.

The website was founded by American computer whiz kid, Casey Fenton, who wanted to experience the ‘real’ Iceland from the locals’ view.

After sending 15,000 emails to a university in Reykjavik he had over a hundred offers from wannabe tour guides and hosts. Ever since Fenton has surfed couches across the world and the website is his way of extending the global network.

The website is non-profit making, as money would totally undermine the freedom of travel on offer to users.

The focus of CouchSurfing.com is to bring people together and this ethos is close to the heart of the organisation rather than any financial gain.

The whole concept seems a really good idea, but with the internet open to exploitation you could find a devil worshipping, cannibalistic, nymphomaniac sleeping on your couch. The site does provide profiles of all the members, so you can search for hosts with similar interests as you. But granted, it’s the internet and you can lie as much, or as little, as you desire.

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The site does offer two levels of safety certificates. Members who have been ‘vouched’ have been approved by another vouched member who verifies their good character.

Still this scheme can still be corrupted. ‘Verified’ members have paid a small amount of money and they have officially been checked out in terms of whom they are and where they live. At the end of the day it all depends on the individual’s own feelings about their safety. The amount of female couch surfers is less than males but most hosts are happy to put more than one person up at a time enabling people to travel in pairs or more.

But of course, the network doesn’t have to be used just for accommodation. Travellers may prefer to use the system to contact locals just to meet up for a guided tour.

The network of travellers united by CouchSurfing.com is huge.There are 31,776 couch surfers in 7,487 cities in 161 countries. There is not quite a couch waiting to be surfed in every country, but that dream is getting closer to reality, with the growing popularity of this new wave of travelling.

One of the most exciting things about travelling is the diverse people met enroute and couch surfing brings together very different people in more ways than hostels might.

Couch Surfing is a really exciting way to travel the world. Online feedback from couch surfers is full of enthusiasm and praise for the service. It enables you to meet local people in their own environment, providing a true experience of a country, which goes beyond what the Rough Guide can reveal. So if it’s raw culture you desire, then Couch Surfing is the answer.

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USA CANADA UK PORTUGAL AUSTRALIA GERMANY FRANCE ITALY BRAZIL AUSTRIA