Quench - Issue 32

Q U E N C H

gair rhydd.com

INTERVIEWS - FASHION - GAY - TRAVEL - MUSIC - BOOKS - DIGITAL - FILM ARTS - FOOD - GOING OUT - TV - BLIND DATE - CULT CLASSICS

3 VO L .

32 E U ISS 21 N OV 20 05

D IA N G UA RD E N T E M A PN T ST U Z IN E E A ST U DAT IO N M AG H E OF T U B L IC P OF YEAR

THE Y

Jem

Pottery

Speed dating

Haruki Murakami

EAR

Contents CARDIFF UNIVERSITY

the gair rhydd magazine

04 06 08 12 14 16 22 25 27 28 32 34 41 48 50 53

Best Student Publication 2005

quench@gairrhydd.com

Best Student Magazine 2005

OTP: Shirtlifting Mr Chuffy: Thomas the terrorist Interviews: Bottom feeder Travel: Greasy Cult Classics: “Germany have scored! Kuntz!”

Features: Injecting some fun Fashion: Bag to the bone Food: Rock the Kasbah Going Out: Up the Swanny Blind Date: Ticket to premature ejaculation Arts: Hamming it up Music: Not downloading pornography. Yet. Film: Potty over Harry Digital: Simply the best Books: Turning Japanese TV: The house party nobody wants to go to

Editor Will Dean Executive editor Tom Wellingham Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan

Sub-editors Emma Wilkins, Sam Coare, Catherine Gee, Graeme Porteous Arts Kim O’Connor, Rebecca Child Blind Date Sarah Ahmed Books James Skinner Columnists John Widdop, Dave Menon, Gareth Paisey Cult Classics Matt Turtle Debate Helen Rathbone Digital Sam Curtis Fashion Charlotte Howells, Clare Hooker Features Kerry Lynne-Doyle, Hannah Perry Film Catherine Gee, Ryan Owen Food Sian Hughes Gay Fenar Muhammed-Ali Going Out Lisa O’Brien Interviews Xandria Horton Mr Chuffy Andy Johnson Music Sam Coare, Harold Shiel, Greg Cochrane One Trick Pony Geordie Photography Luke Pavey, Adam Gasson, James Perou Travel Bec Storey, Amy Harrison Vox Pop Culture Sophie Robehmed Contributors Si Truss, Simon Ward, Nick Jenkins, Matthew Hilt, Sarah Day, Liz Lane, Andrew Mickel, James Meredith, Tom Howard, Alan Entwhistle, Helen Thompson, Emyr Price, Charlotte White, Steve Dunne, Jason Jones, Steve Craig, James Williams, Emma Holifield, Laura Barnhouse, Jenny Benton-Evans, Shaylen Joy, Vicky Symon, George Tsarigaris, Ralph Phillips, Tom Brookes, John Maher, Joe Stanley, Emily Kendrick, Andre Lightfoot, Tom Williams, Will Hitchins, Will Schmit, Holly Taylor, Phillips Ashton, Will Parkes.

Proof readers Jess Anderson, Andrew Mickel, Lucy Plant, Alison Battisby, Gemma White Cover design Will Dean Thought of the week: “Geordie: ‘Hermione? Illegal schmegal, just put a towel down’.” “Graeme Porteous = design god” “BATTLE OF THE SOMME - literally” “It’s a fucking lemon. Accept it.”

21 11 05

3

QED

T

he Stone Roses' Second Coming, the second (first?)

Star Wars trilogy, Live8, Blackburn Rovers’ Premiership defence: No-one likes a bad followup. Y'see, with Quench's recent successes (see gair rhydds passim), the pressure for the successors (us lot) intensifies.

There could be worse problems to have, I'd rather be captain of the flagship than a sinking one (athough this doesn't explain the Tory leadership race). Of course, on the other hand, no-one wants to be the sinker of the flagship, except perhaps Malcolm Glazer. So let's cross our fingers and hope you're all enjoying reading this as much as we're enjoying making it. !"Anyway, enough about us, let’s talk about silly journalists for a while (Eh? Oh...), on our latest gair rhydd road trip (sponsored by Ginsters) we bought a copy of the Sunday Mirror because it had the stupendous headline ‘Huntley Goes Gay’ (that’s a different bloody story), inside there was a fairly good, if lecturous comment from Carole Malone.

Malone pointed out the fact that it was still left to veterans to sell poppies was disgusting (although she got to this by telling us readers about how her husband leapt out of the car to shake an old chap’s hand) and to be fair, she’s got a point.

Most of us don’t know we’re bloody born, but when Malone - Google her and her first article starts, “I’m not racist, but...” - tells us that Britain’s generation of “HOODIES and YOBS” (!) would never understand what millions of young British men went through. Hoodies and yobs? Dear me, that ought to be her argument not only ruined but unfit for throwing away. But, and it’s a big BUT, she’s bloody right. My biggest concern of the last few weeks has been having to get out of bed before ten - not worrying about being sent to a painful and utterly pointless death.

So next time you’re being sick in the street after a messy night in the Union, remember what previous generations have been through. And don’t be a HOODY OR A YOB! Quite.

4 One Trick Pony

21 11 05

Frown to a Tee

I

standing up for what I believe in. I once spent three months on a was one of the two million people Kibbutz, just to experience how an protesting against the Iraq war, as essentially communist society human lives are worth more than oil. I works when it’s done voluntarily. I will refuse to carry an ID card and will lament the fall of the Soviet Union go to prison if necessary, as my freeand the rise of free-market capitaldom is the most important thing to ism. I’m not an active communist, me. I’m something of a rebel, I supbut I avoid large corporations’ prodpose, as you can probably tell from ucts wherever I can, and I bought this T-shirt, which I bought... this T-shirt of one of my heroes, when… …that T-shirt, that you bought, was made for pence – mass-produced – and sold (sold! the heresy!) for pounds. Its subject wouldn’t be at all happy with the commercialisation of his face, rather, if he were alive to Mood: Mocking see that he’d become a …freedom, eh? That shirt depicts a capitalist brand, he’d be very cross indeed. It was probably marketed by a man whose legacy in Cuba has been the oppression of the people for over multinational company based in the 40 years. The absence of private US, the very country that conspired property does nobody any good when with the Bolivian authorities to exea decent family’s roof is leaking in the cute your ‘hero’. wet season and they haven’t the Bugger… money to fix it, or when 12-year-olds I’ve been on countless protests, are prostituting themselves (literally charged police and been arrested

GEORDIE

(Overrated)

“

I’d only ever wear a Guevara T-shirt as some kind of an ironic triple-bluff

and figuratively) to an illicit dollar economy. And your communist buddy once personally executed a boy of 12 for trying to help his father, shooting him in the head at close range, such was the value he placed on human life.

Bugger. Well what about… ...and, as if that weren’t bad enough, an Argentinean interfering in the affairs of another country, both in Cuba and the attempted exportation of the revolution to West Africa is precisely the kind of imperialism that you lot would criticise the US and UK for.

Bugger…

Well quite. And you can point out the sacrifice of a comfortable lifestyle to fight for what he believed in all you like. There’s another notable who has done much the same: Osama bin Laden. I’d only ever wear a Guevara Tshirt as some sort of ironic triplebluff, but I might walk around wearing OBL on my chest just to see the reaction. You might think it’s a bit tasteless, but commies aren’t cool either. Particularly Dr Ernesto Rafael Guevara de la Serna, which, by the way, was El Ché’s name. ❑

Okay, it may be just because I’m singularly rubbish at organising anything, particularly keeping track of my finances, but cheques really are shit. Recently, I thought a couple of people had paid in cheques that I’d given them in payment of debts, but they hadn’t. So it turned out that I’d actually spent about £200 more than I thought I had when I checked my balance earlier in the day. Eek. And the working days thing hacks me off. If the bank is open on a Saturday, why doesn’t that count as a working day? If I pay a cheque in Saturday lunchtime it still won’t clear for at least three working days, ie. Wednesday at the very earliest. But any cheques I write, once they’re paid in, remove money from my account immediately. In the intervening days, the money is being lent to people, funding terrorism or whatever. Actually, considering how much money I owe it’s ( Cheques ) probably being lent back to me. At interest. Bastards.

Since I spend quite a lot of time in our office, and I’m a complete and utter lazy bastard, I’ve gotten into the habit of using the lift to get from the bottom to the top of the Union building. Now, rather than rely on the traditional Light-up Button to signify that the lift is in fact moving, sombody felt the need to make the lift talk. If you want to make a machine feign intelligence, it’s best not to have it speak in a thick Welsh accent. The best voice to use would probably have been Stephen Fry’s or Boris Johnson’s, but they don’t speak Walesish, so instead we have a valley girl who makes “this lift is going up” sound like a threat: “This lift is going up. Or I’ll stab you”. At least when the office computers claim that “Geordie is an angry Northern kent” they do it Stephen Hawking matter-of-factly.

( An Appropriate Voice )

(Underrated)

L e g e n d

OTP

p o p VOX culture

PETER CROUCH: Oft-abused English footballing beanpole. But he’s not as useless as you might think...

I

t’s easy to slate Peter Crouch.

And most of us do. Regularly.

Even Subbuteo (see also page 15) have got in on the act, releasing a new flicky man based on the lanky forward.

It doesn’t work, of course. Its centre of gravity is too high, and it falls over whenever it’s flicked, much like the real thing in its inabiility to stand up. See, I told you it was easy to slate him.

Take the international match against Argentina. Okay, it was Michael Owen that scored the second and third goals, and Crouch was in his usual comical prostrate position after apparently attempting to rugby-tackle/bum his more dimin-

uative teammate.

But the mere presence of Crouch on the pitch after he came on as a subsitute unsettled the Argentine defence: they concentrated on marking him due to his height, which allowed Owen to get into a threatening position and, ultimately, to score. This makes Crouch much like Emile Heskey, only slightly less shite.

So his usefulness within the squad is a tactical one: he’s the official team diversion. And it appears to work.

He may not like being thought of that way, but there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’, and whatever other sporting clichés you fancy.

T o s s e r

J

ust after 11am on a Sunday morning at Canary Wharf, after a night out at the expense of the Daily Mirror. Bus journey ahead with 18 hungover students.

Food required to settle stomachs.

Wetherspoons convenient. But: no hats allowed.

We thought they were having us on at first. Oh no. Three of our party had to remove their headgear.

Apparently, it’s a security risk, as they might obscure the face.

Aside from the twin facts that we were the only people in the pub and hats don’t actually obscure the face, (you don’t need to see somebody’s face to grab hold of him and kick him out the pub). And even if you see his face, later identification is near-impossible.

5

Whatever happened to letting people do what they like until they do something wrong? ‘Freedom’, I think it was called.

I’m sure it would’ve been a different story had we been Important People. Would they make a traditional City banker in a Bowler take his hat off? Would they make the Queen remove hers? Would they bollocks. So why should we be any different simply because we are, in the eyes of their management, nobodies? One assumes that they’re fervently praying that no Sikhs kick off, as they can’t make them take off their turbans. They shouldn’t be allowed to make people remove their hat, but there you go.

We stayed anyway. It’s cheap.

J.D. WETHERSPOON: Whose national pub-chain employs such utter, utter tossers and hat-haters

Vox Pop-Culture delves into the murky world of your culture collections... this week: Marc Kelly, 21, 3rd Year Genetics and Taf Quiz Legend

FIRST AND WORST CD: “First CD was Pearl Jam’s Ten. Worst was Justified by the legend (I’ll pick the Legends, thanks - Geordie) that is Timberlake. I still think it’s ace in a bad way.”

BESTEST BOOK: “Margaret Atwood’s Oryx and Crake.

I’m a Genetics student, so I can relate.”

THE LAST FILM I WENT TO SEE: “Saw 2. The first film was pretty good. This sucks balls.”

FAVOURITE TELLY: “Wondershowzen. It’s sick.”

IF I WERE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER I’D BE: “I would be Spiderman, because he’s ace. And because he gets to poke Kirsten Dunst” THE ONE PIECE OF POP CULTURE I COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT: “Crash Bang Wallop What A Video.

Car crash TV. Basically it’s crap telly that makes you laugh, but also makes you feel uncomfortable.”

Vox Pop-Culture needs you!

Look out for us on the Union steps armed with nothing but a dictaphone and camera.

Get thinking!

6 OTP

WARNING

It’ll fall off if you keep playing with it

Mr Chuffy Investigates...

O

Is Rail the only Middle-Eastern gay Eskimo?

pen wide, here comes the choo-choo train… Don’t actually do it! It’s really big; it’ll mash your face up like the Battle of the Somme. Idiot.

Camels: they shit and they have toes, but this age old transportation tradition may be on the way to the glue factory as the Middle East bends over and braces itself for a revolution in getting from one place to another place that isn’t the same as that place from which they began. Man’s relationship with the camel is an ageold sacred one from long before the Bible and Emmerdale. As a beast of burden, the animal’s primary function was demonstrated through carrying people and stuff, but men would occasionally breed with camels when all the women were dead from disease.

However, the humped donkey is soon to be out on its ass with the advent of the locomotive. But is rail really wanted in the Middle East?

“NO!”, screamed dismayed desertdweller Durka Chestington-Smythe III. The Syrian believes that camel transportation is an integral aspect of Middle Eastern existence, with the introduction of rail a metaphorical simile for Western Imperialism. So disillusioned is Durka by transportation trepidation, that he has discarded the peace loving ways of his ancestry and chosen the way of the animal.

That animal is a terror-loving animal not a placid budgerigar nor a labile llama but an angry wolf or a rabid crustacean.

Chesington-Smythe and his terrorist

CAMELS: Not Brazilian

cronies have taken to using suicide camels to disrupt the embryonic rail network. In addition to three eyelids, camels also possess 17 colons, the highest in all the mammal kingdom; terrorists pack these large intestines full of Semtex and ride the quadruped carpets into the train station for an intimate date with Madame Bang.

Under new sweeping anti-terror legislation, police now adopt a shoot to kill policy for any beast suspected of being a suicide camel. Four desert beavers were accidentally shot dead by police last month when police mistook the fury blighters for terror camels stood a long way away. Fresh intelligence suggests that terrorists may be planning to use a mastication

“

motion. Putting the fun into fundamentalist, Tuviya the Tank Engine chronicles the adventures of a little Middle Eastern steam engine as it goes places and then comes back, usually after a lengthy delay relating to leaves on the line, signal box failure, or a mad swan loose in the engine. However, the programme has just one-tenth of the viewing figures of al-Jazeera’s hit game show Strictly Camel Dancing, where contestants compete at dancing like a camel for the right to chop off the hand of a thief with a blunt axe.

JIMMY: Not strictly relevant

Parisian officials permitted camels extradited from Syria to graze on immigrants of collective nouns to destroy a train making factory in the West Bank; the thought of which is so unthinkable that I only now think it with my fingers in both ears.

Is rail partially responsible for this locomotive backlash? A surplus of camels has necessitated mass exportation of the beasts to former colonial dictators. Simultaneous rioting erupted throughout many French cities last week when Parisian officials permitted camels, extradited from Syria, to graze on peasant immigrants. The Damascus dromedaries were hungry following their long journey and ate heartily. Disruption was also reported along the Mediterranean coastline when the rail network removed itself from the Gaza Strip adamant that it did not wish to witness that fat Geordie without any clothes on.

Rail is attempting to train tolerance in the region. A nightly four-hour propaganda programme broadcast by Tel Aviv Television is intended to educate the masses on the benefits of loco-

Transportation turmoil is not the only current bugbear in the region. In a further step towards controversial increases in Western alliances, Jordan entered into Holy Matrimony with I’m a Shakespearean Tragedy, Get Me Out Of Lear star Peter Andre. As is customary, following the honeymoon Andre will live out the remainder of his natural life with the other wives in the royal compound rumoured to include Noel Edmonds and BBC News Royal Correspondent Nicholas Witchell.

The union is believed to have resulted from a diplomatic misunderstanding. Having carelessly misplaced their capital, Jordanian officials contacted the British Foreign Secretary in search of Amman. Straw duly complied, sending the Mysterious Girl wooing crooner on a diplomatic mission to the region. ❑ In other news, The Freedom for Palestine Rally was won by Colin McRae. ❑

Debate

debate@gairrhydd.com

7

21 11 05

Heels: Fashion or faff?

Fashion Shaylen Joy

W

hether stilettos, wedges, kitten heels or knee high ‘fuck-me’ boots, all girls know in their heart of hearts that heels are the way to go.

Who can look sexy on a night out wearing a strappy top, short skirt and a pair of knackered trainers that look more like they belong in the river, than they do in Solus? Trainers are for going to lectures in, not for nights out when you’re trying to ooze elegance and sex-appeal, rather than screaming ‘I’ve just

“

Faff

K

Vicky Symon

iller heels, whoever called them this wasn’t joking. There is a preconception that women are sexier when they are wearing high heels but in my experience, heeled women are of the rather unsexy, whingeing variety.

Most culprits spend their evenings complaining about needing to sit down because there choice of footwear is attacking them. Slicing into their flesh, pinching skin, squeezing toes and causing unsightly blisters.

If only we could bottle the effects of heels and take it once-a-day

rolled out of bed and this was the first thing I found’.

Surely that’s the boys’ job. And to be quite honest some of them achieve it with stunning accuracy.

Why do some girls run a mile from the mere thought of wearing heels? It’s insane. What’s so wrong with making your legs look longer, your bum look more pert and that pot-belly of yours look just that little bit smaller? Isn’t that what all girls want?

Quite frankly, all the issues and insecurities that we girls moan about could be solved. If only we could bottle the effects of heels and take it once-a-day with a glass of water, this would be the perfect remedy.

How do you expect guys to admire you in that stunning outfit when they suspect the presence of a pair of tatty Doc Martens lurking beneath? You could end up looking more like Avril Lavigne than Audrey Hepburn.

Just imagine how Audrey would have looked in Breakfast at Tiffanys with a pair of black and pink vans poking out under her skirt. The word ‘sexy’ is definitely not one that springs to mind.

“

”

Heel-wearers are the sort of girls who leave early, insisting on a taxi home. Then spend the next few days wearing skanky plasters over red weeping wounds.

The Union is full of these suffering crazy-ladies, but why? Is anyone really looking at their feet? However, for the unfortunate few who have nothing to offer but a nice pair of feet, they are making foolish long-term mistakes. Risking loosing their ‘assets’ to such tragedies as corns, callases, swollen knees and of course, the delightful hammer toe. Mmm, sexy – foot fetish anyone?

When it comes to high-heeled shoes, I believe they are something to be left on the catwalk. Most girls wouldn’t venture out dressed up like a Vivienne Westwood model or with some backcombed pea green bouffant, so why heels? They are ludicrous little stilts strapped to the bottom of your feet, it’s insane. At least green hair won’t stop you from having fun!

Heels make you look silly, you just have to watch the swarms of girls leaving the union after a night out to notice their striking resemblance to crippled old ladies.

Many are destined to fall flat on their face, often into fresh vomit

Don’t get me wrong, flat shoes have their place in the world. Come on, can you imagine poncing into a lecture on the fifth floor in a pair of stilettos when the lift is broken. Trainers have a place; on a sports field and so do flip flops; on the beach. But in the real world, have you never heard of the phrase ‘no pain, no gain’?

Come on girls, stop being wusses and start on the long journey to looking like those beautiful women that the media keep hounding us with.

Because, to be quite honest, for the average girl on the street, that’s as close as she’ll ever get.

”

Pathetically hunched over, clinging on for dear life to the closest person they can see. After the lethal mixture of alcohol, Cardiff’s current weather conditions and a pair of cheap stilettos, their poor brains are unable to cope with the coordination needed to descend the mountainous Union stairs. Consequently, many are destined to fall flat on their face, often into fresh vomit.

Fair enough, I will admit high heels have their place, for bikini models and Page 3 girls. Normal ladies see shoes for what they are: an instrument for keeping shit off their feet.

These wise words are spoken by someone with much experience in the field. However, even specialists have to persevere until they can achieve confidence in their work.

"Although I have always loved music, I wasn't originally going to sing. My voice wasn't that good when I started out but now I am comfortable with it.

What I learnt was, performing the music you write it is more heartfelt and believable. So if you have any form of voice, why not? I found that I enjoyed singing my own tracks."

Lyrics are an important aspect of Feeder's appeal. "I want everyone to get something different out of lyrics," says the multi-talented musician.

“Sometimes, people come up to me and say that a song made them feel a certain way but that wasn't my personal take on it. It doesn't matter though. My writing is about day to day experiences, almost like a diary.

People relate to it in different ways."

It is the trademark sound that has also contributed to the success.

Influences ranging from Lennon to Black Sabbath have encouraged a diverse mix and wide audience. Both Tender and Shattered, taken from latest album, Pushing The Senses, have featured on a recent Russian film. "It is one of Russia's biggest films actually," Nicholas enthuses. "I love movies so this was quit exciting for me. Mafia movies are my best.

Timeless films are great. Twin Town is a personal favourite. I really got the South Wales humour."

“

I am officially the Dad of Rock Nicholas’s roles as front and family man

The band has fuelled its international success with an extensive tour.

"It can get really tiring but it is worth it," says Nicholas. "We wanted to incorporate more of our traditional rock on this tour. There was a lot of piano on the record and we wanted to include that but the Feeder atmosphere that our fans love is the loud, heavier style. That is the sort of music that we do best. The response has been amazing so far. Although I wouldn't choose the name Feeder if I was forming the band now, I love it when you walk on stage and people are chanting it. 'Feeder' is a really good word to chant."

Although performing to a live crowd must be exhilarating, the nerves can

Interviews 9

“

GRANT NICHOLAS ON CARDIFF: If I was going to live anywhere in Wales it would be Cardiff.

It is a great city which has been developed so much recently. The bay is a really nice area but house prices could compete with London at the moment. I used to play in small venues and bars in Wales. Times have changed and there is a lot more opportunity in the Capital..

kick in. "It is so special for me to perform in Wales. I was so nervous when we played at the Tsunami Relief Concert because whenever I come back to the Cardiff area I want to make everyone proud. It was an amazing gig though."

Nicholas is animated about the return. "This will be the first time we have played our own gig in Cardiff. I said we can't do a tour and not come to Cardiff and the CIA had the right dates free."

So does the band live up to the traditional rock and roll legacy amidst the frenzy of touring?

"I don't know what that is anymore," Nicholas deliberates. "I think there are a few people who started it and are still living off it. We know how to have fun. When we were younger and toured America for a year there were some crazy times. It lived up to any rock and roll dreams."

The band has now reached its more mature years. Nicholas has a family to support. "I am officially the dad of rock. My little daughter is lovely.

She's only six months old. Her name is Hannah Sky. I have been lucky because I have been around quite a bit since she has been born. It will be hard when I go away more often."

The singer's schedule is about to become even more hectic. "We have

”

signed a six-album deal with our independent label, Echo. We are writing another album at the moment. I have already got about ten tracks. I carry a cassette around with me and whenever I think of a song I just record it.

Some of the best songs have been written in just ten minutes but some develop over time. I have got so many tracks that haven't been used on the albums. But I'll keep them for a rainy day."

“

I want to be in the papers for one reason - music Where Nicholas’s ambition really lies

“We are planning on doing some festivals next year and releasing a singles album. It won't be one of those 'best of albums' with the intention of saying goodbye. There will be a couple of new tracks too. We are certainly not going anywhere." Proof the not-soshy Mr. Nicholas has no plans to retire.

See Feeder perform in the Cardiff International Arena on December 1

Feedering frenzy

10

Interviews

Just a ride

Xandria Horton has a very nice chat with Welsh-lovely Jem about her first Cardiff gig, her music playlist, and breaking America

E

ven a hoarse throat and a cold cannot mask the excitement in Jem’s voice when conversation turns to her first hometown Cardiff gig at the end of this month.

"It's absolutely huge!" She exclaims huskily; as if her voice needed any more sultry tones. The fact that she is ‘sounding rough’ however, doesn’t even slow her down. "People always talk about the London show," she continues, "and of course it’s important but the shows which are important for me are the Big Ones: LA, New York, and Wales (!). It’s obviously a big deal."

In fact, for the platinum-selling singer/songwriter/producer, this is her first ever UK tour. Yet another case of home-grown talent breaking America before the UK, but 29-year-old Jem is not resting on her laurels: "The thing which is quite grounding is that (the USA) is so massive!" she explains. "I would say Coldplay have just broken it now on their third album, and I think my foot is in the door. That’s amazing, obviously, but I’ve still got so much work to do here, the UK and everywhere, so I still feel really driven."

Driven doesn’t even cover it. If her approach to her cold is anything to go by ("it’s all about mind over matter," she says determinedly), Britain had better hold on. Ex-Law student Jem gained her roots as a DJ, set up her own record label, worked with Fatboy Slim, and then gave up that same job in order to pursue her ambition of writing and performing music. This new breed of pop artist that can take control of everything from song-writing to production and artwork gives Jem an edge over other female soft-vocal contemporaries.

Perhaps it’s her roots as a DJ and in production which gives her music a feel which has been dubbed "trip-hop", a mixture of folk, hip-hop, electronica and 60s pop. "As long as people are listening," she shrugs.

On the subject of her music playlist her enthusiasm takes over. "I’ve started getting obsessed with Jack Johnson" she confides. "I’ve only got his third album but I absolutely love his stuff. I always carry with me a mixture [of music], like Lauryn Hill I dance to before a gig, some classical music, some soul, and I just bought Damian Marley." She pauses. "The Garden State soundtrack always chills me out."

I am often a fatalist on this age of ubiquitous PR, but Jem’s unaffected enthusiasm is as refreshing as her pop mixes. I had to ask about her appearance on teen drama The OC: "It was before it had started in the UK, it had got huge in America but I didn’t quite realise how much. What was quite interesting was that people said with filming that you have to wait around a lot and it really was; I just sat around and watched."

“

I had said to people that unless a guy fell out of the sky into my bed, I wasn’t interested Jem on dating tactics

How does that compare to gigs and recording schedules? "Pretty similar," she nods. "If you have to wait, you wait. The cast were just really lovely, and it was just very surreal. I mean, when I heard about it I just laughed my head off but then it came together."

Her guest slot was actually the first of a number of cameos which also included the Killers and the Subways,

where Jem performed a one-off cover of Paul McCartney’s track Maybe I’m Amazed in the first season finale. Any plans for acting in the future? "It’s funny, I got more into that from [filming the music videos] as I chose to do videos where it’s not so much of a performance as it is a role.

“

Interviews 11

It’s so Welsh it’s hysterical. I’ve taken it across the US and I think everyone will be proud

Jem’s surprise for her Cardiff fans

Speaking of which, only a little prodding and Jem gives us her tactic for meeting Mr Right; forget speed-dating girls, just meet him on the set of your music video. "It’s really bizarre actually, I had said to people that unless a guy falls out of the sky into my bed, I haven’t got time for romance. I was happy being single and working, and that’s the point about him falling out of the sky, it takes a special, respectful, trustworthy person to cope with being away a lot. So I just said I wasn’t interested."

So then he fell out of the sky? "Well, we were on set shooting a bed scene," Jem laughs, "so really he kinda fell into my bed! I just thought it was crazy. It’s funny in America that if you meet people from different areas they’re very different, but he’s from the East coast

J

’s gems... m e

Best place for a drink? It’s probably all completely changed, but there was this really nice little bar, I can’t think…bollocks! Sorry it’s not called that… I can’t remember!

Best place to see live music? Clwb Ifor Bach, where I used to work on the door and on the stage Best place to pick up an outfit? (pauses) Clothes? I wouldn’t know.

Probably the arcade?

Your favourite place to be in Cardiff? Um, as I grew up in Penarth it would probably be the Cosmeston Lakes but strictly in Cardiff it would be Roath – I love Albany Road.

and he’s very sweet; not like LA wanker types," she laughs. In case there was any confusion.

So what’s after the tour? "I might be doing a gig in Moscow for Christmas which will be quite interesting, and I’m starting the next record in January."

She corrects herself: "the next album that is, as America have had this album for almost two years and the UK market goes quite quick. We might be having a new single in January but the main thing is for me to get back in the studio."

What can we expect from her new material? "Well most of it is already written, so the same mix of upfront songs and the slower stuff," she pauses thoughtfully. "There will be a few, not middle of the road songs because that would be totally wrong, but I dunno… maybe songs which are more growers in that they’re strong but not as instant as some on this album. I think in some circumstances they can last a lot longer." She grins. "I’m really excited about it."

Before our time is up she adds conspiratorially, "I can’t tell you what it is exactly but there’s going to be a bit of

“

Lauryn Hill I dance to before a gig... some soul, and I’ve started getting obsessed with Jack Johnson

On what is playing on Jem’s stereo

a surprise at the very start of each show." My inquiry gets me nowhere but she adds with a proud, throaty Welshlilt, "It’s so Welsh it’s hysterical… I’ve taken it across America and I think everyone will be proud. It’s really funny.

At the start of the show I’m just laughing my head off."

And that’s just it. Jem’s ethereal vocals and floating lyrics belie an artist who has her feet completely on the ground. This is just a ride, but Jem is enjoying every minute.

Jem will be performing at the

Students’ Union on Tuesday November 29

12

Tr a v e l

travel@gairrhydd.com

Athens:

ITY C L A T R O THE IMM George Tsangaris looks into the rise of the Greek Capital

A

thens wasn’t always the city that it is today. Once the cultural centre of the ancient world, it declined into a small village until 1833 when it became the capital of Greece. It became the first city to hold the modern Olympic Games in 1896.

Athens was once a concrete monstrosity. In the last century alone the city has endured two world-wars, famine, two dictatorships, over one million Greek refugees moving to the city, countless earthquakes, inescapable pollution and a population of five million.

The smog-cloud that once loomed over Athens eventually disappeared with controlled vehicular movement.

Odd and Even numbered cars were permitted into the city centre on alternate days.

Transport was abysmal. Buses were overcrowded and kept breaking down, and the Athens Metro, which was meant to be built in the swinging Sixties wasn’t built until the late Nineties, because whenever they began

Top Five Sites

1.Kalimarmaro: stadium of the 1896 Olympics.

2. The National Gardens.

3. Gazi: the old gasworks turned into museums, bars and restaurants.

4. The Benaki Museum and the University.

5. Kapnikarea: a tiny Church stranded in between colossal buildings.

digging tunnels, they found an ancient site. Now Athens possesses one of the best undergrounds in Europe; the main stations double as museums displaying statues and are adorned in marble. The rest of Greece has gone one better by possessing a coastal tram system linking the Garden Suburbs to the centre.

Since 2004, all of the 14,300 Athenian taxi drivers have earned the prestigious title of ‘Olympic’ Taxi Drivers, complete with a gold medal and taxis with seatbelts and brakes.

If you’re going to get a taxi from anywhere then you’ll find them all around Syntagma (constitution) Square. Syntagma lies at the foot of the Greek Parliament, a former palace as well as the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Syntagma has been remodelled three times in the last ten years, from a concrete plateau to a smart oasis.

Athens is the home of democracy and the Frappe, a coffee that resembles a milkshake. The other famous square is Omomia (Peace) Square, the first point where you can buy all Greek and foreign newspapers the moment they are published in Greece.

From Syntagma you can take a taxi to the Acropolis. Entrance to the Acropolis (Edge of the City) is free.

The Parthenon was dedicated to Athena; legend has it that she became the patron of the city after she sent a thunderbolt to the Acropolis and an olive tree sprang up.

That same olive tree still stands tall today. The view of the city surrounding the Acropolis is breathtaking, especially when the sun is setting across the Aegean. The Acropolis used to be flanked by a busy polluted avenue

21 11 05

that damaged the site. This avenue has been remodelled into a cobbled stone pedestrian zone that leads to the Theatre of Dionysos where concerts are still held.

If the Acropolis represents Greece’s ancient history then Lycavittos is a testament to Greece’s Byzantine past.

You can take the funicular to the top where you’ll find St. George’s Church and excellent views overlooking the Acropolis.

From the Acropolis you can walk down into the city’s trendy neighbourhoods. Plaka is packed with Athens’ neo-classical buildings, tavernas, cafés and small museums.

Monastiraki (little Monastery) is the best place for culture and at Kolonaki (little Column) you will find plenty of boutiques and jewellery. The new ‘hip’ neighbourhood of Athens is Psirri, crammed with everything from museums to shops, and there also lies the nightlife.

“

Nai, Ohi - Yes, No Efharisto - Thank you Parakalo - Please S’agapo - I love you

”

Most Athenians love highclass clubs. On the other extreme, Athenians also love rock, and rockbars are in no shortage. Neither are beach parties. Found in the Garden Suburbs that stretch along the coastline where all the beach parties are held, they are undoubtedly the best nightspots in town.

Athens’ airport was an old, drab building before its facelift. Arrivals are now greeted with the new Athens International Airport. The Spanish sounding El. Venizelos Airport, named after Greece’s legendary Prime Minister, not only boasts contemporary architecture but an all-night bar, round-the-clock shops and even a quiet area where you can roll out your mats and rest. Buses run to Athens International Airport every twenty minutes, 24 hours a day from Syntagma Square.

The Olympics truly breathed new life into the city. Athens now has an amazing underground, a tram system, the best sporting facilities in the world and revamped monuments. So go and visit Athens, a brand-new old city with a turbulent history that never lost its soul.

BAC K P A C K E R Canada:

The West Pass

T r a v e l 13

Welcome to ‘Backpacker’. Each fortnight we provide an insight into top backpacking destinations. Every issue we will let you know which location will be featured in the next edition of Quench. Travel needs you to text/email any tips you have for the next destination. It could be anything from the best campsite, the best place to visit, or which bus takes you to the most beautiful beach.

By Emma Holifield Travel correspondent

W

hen debating the ideal backpacking destination, Canada has had a tendency to be overlooked.

I travelled with an organisation called ‘Moose Tours’ which offers a variety of different ‘passes’ or bus trips, covering both the East or West coast. Lured by the appeal of the Rocky Mountains, I opted for the West Pass, which begins in Vancouver and follows a ten-day circular route stopping at eight different locations.

The young drivers function as guides. Their local knowledge is extensive. They involve themselves in the group and are keen to promote a sense of unity amongst the travellers, which is ideal for those who are alone. There are several communal activities offered: rock-climbing, go-carting and horse riding. Being a world-wide company, the Moose Bus attracts a wide range of nationalities. The buses operate a ‘hop-on-hop-off’ system meaning increased flexibility.

The company automatically books places at hostels. Double-rooms can be booked in advance by phoning ahead.

Day one of the trip takes you on the ‘sea-to-sky’ highway all the way to Whistler. En-route is a bungee-jumping opportunity. The hostel in Whistler is very good - complete with a hot tub. It

Capilano suspension bridge

is situated at the edge of the beautiful Alta Vista Lake where kayaks and canoes are available to rent.

It’s a 15-minute walk to the buzzing village which boasts a hoard of trendy bars, clubs and restaurants. The main square has a lively feel and is the social core of the town. Earl’s restaurant is definitely worth a visit - brilliant food, reasonably priced.

You get a ‘free’ day in Whistler before the next leg of the journey. I recommend buying a gondola pass and going to the top of the mountain.

There are various cycle, quad and hiking tours available.

Another must is Lost Lake. Nestled at the foot of the mountain, masked

t Don’ !

Miss

Take a ferry to Vashon Island and head for the Ranch Hostel. This island is an ‘undiscovered treasure’.

The hostel offers beds in tepee’s or an antique wagon!

TOP TIP: Buy a Hostelling International card which entitles you to discounted prices in rooms.

by thick green trees and catching the afternoon sun, it is a little piece of heaven. You can either find your way to one of its little beaches dotted around the circumference, or swim out to the floating rafts in the middle, lie back and gaze at the snow-capped peaks above you.

There is a well-equipped campsite nearby. Unzipping your tent each morning to look out across a glacial river onto an immense mountain peak is very special, but remember the bears. If you are camping it is ESSENTIAL that you hoist all odorous itemsup into the trees when you are not using them.

Next the journey takes you through some quite arid landscapes and culminates in the working town of Kamloops. The following day you delve back into deep countryside and reach Valemount. The group takes

Flights: with Globespan from Gatwick from £563

£

www.moosenetwork.com

Banff Hostel: £6.30 p/n Ranch Hostel: £10.40 p/n over a log cabin which has the Internet, a hot tub, pool tables and a wide-screen television.

A great wildlife spotting opportunity arises as you pass the 15km long Moose Lake and its extensive marshy environs. The fourth evening is spent in a back-to-basics ‘rustic hostel’ just past Jasper. There’s no running water, candlelit loos, one packed dormitory, a hand pump for showering.

En-route to Banff you have the opportunity to climb a glacier and walk around the beautiful Lake Louise. Two really good stops which need to be taken advantage of. Banff provides another impressive hostel, with its own bar and small restaurant.

Another free day is scheduled here, where you can go white water rafting.

You ride the Kicking Horse River, with Grade Four rapids. It’s a really fantastic experience. If you decide to extend your stay in Banff, visit the Chocolate Factory and Grizzly Fondue House.

The final stop is Kelowna, famous for its beautiful Oakanagan Lake which is home (legend has it) to the Loch Ness Monster’s long-lost sister Ogopogo. Visit Gyro Beach and take advantage of the wine tour at Summerhill but avoid the lakeside campsite, despite its location there is very little space and poor facilities.

Vancouver is very friendly. I recommend staying at the Jericho Beach Hostel, which is near the beach.

Finally, pay a visit to the Capilano suspension bridge, built in 1889. It is a narrow, trembling construction stretched high above a deep canyon filled with a gushing stream. It’s not for the faint-hearted but is a wonderful experience.

C u l t

14 C l a s s i c s

classics@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05

“Its our religion, our way, our lives.

Football, we know how you feel, cos we feel the same” Sean Bean, Cult Classic Football man

COLIN HENDRY Blackburn Career: 285 apps 34 Goals

GIANFRANCO ZOLA

Chelsea Career: 312 apps, 80 Goals “Oh, thee the miracle one of Chelsea”

H

onesty has all but disappeared from the beautiful game, with the notable exceptions of Rooney (who can’t help but tell the ref what he thinks despite its regular consequence) and the entire Exeter City team.

One man whose honesty is legendary to both Chelsea fans and idiots alike, who has played with Maradona and won FWA Player of the Year in 1997, is Gianfranco Zola.

The miniature Italian miracle began his career at a little known Italian club Nuorese before being snapped up by Napoli in 1989. He was handed Maradona’s No.10 shirt when the Argentine genius moved on - Zola himself had to leave as Napoli hit financial trouble. After a short spell at Parma, Ruud Gullit brought him to Chelsea for four and a half million punds and eight glorious seasons. ‘Magic Box’ would have a smile on his face for ninety minutes every Saturday reflecting the joy he derived from football.

I don’t think he even knew what a dive was because the only way players could stop him was to bring him down against his will. Named ‘Best Loved Chelsea Player Ever’ before being given an OBE by the Queen herself, Zola truly is a marvel of the modern game.

Harry Shiel

“The platinum predator”

C

olin Hendry. Leader of men, king among the blue and whites. A centre back in the Blackburn Rovers side that, in the 1994-95 season toppled Manchester United to become only the second team to win the Premiership.

Hendry was a colossal Scottish warrior driving the team to success sitting in behind the thrill of Alan Shearer and the goal-scoring of Chris Sutton. The braveheart at Ewood Park who had a white mullet.

A hero to Rovers fans revelling in their temporary flirtation with success: never a celebrity, no big money bluffing; just captain extraordinaire. Hendry was the type of player that only fans love but they love him so much that they don’t need anyone else’s love.

This is the kind of status that few players can achieve; Julian Dicks at West Ham United, Jamie Carragher at Liverpool, no glamour, no bullshit, a big hard defender that takes no funny business from anyone and makes people listen.

Colin Hendry. A cult classic indeed: underrated by many, invaluable to those who matter, and he had a mullet. What does he do now? I haven’t got a clue.

Brilliant.

Tom Howard

STEVE McMANAMAN

Liverpool Career: 292 apps, 51 Goals “This Spice boy was RED hot”

S

eptember 30 1997. One sinewy, floppy haired footballer cemented his legacy in the mind of this, then young scouser. In front of 38,205 fans and thousands more watching at home, Steve Mcmanaman ran 70 yards of the pitch and delivered a wonder goal to the Anfield faithful against Celtic in the UEFA cup. The newspaper headline the next day ran out the genius pun, “McRunaman” Born February 11 1972, Steve rejected his boyhood team of Everton and signed for Liverpool under Kenny Dalglish on his 18th birthday. He scored his first goal in only his third game in a 2 - 1 win over his future club Manchester City.

Two years on from his wonder goal, ‘Macca’ left Anfield for the Spanish giants Real Madrid. Stevie soon achieved Champions League glory in 2000, and scored another stunning goal for Madrid in their European Cup final with Valencia.

Unfortunately he never secured a full time place in the squad. His return to England was for a bargain £1.8 million with City.

October 1st 1997, I ran the length of my school football pitch, dragging a plastic bottle under my foot, emulating the triumph of that night and wishing my hair was curly.

Alan Entwistle

Cult Classics

R

year The 12th of September this iversary marked the 120 year ann Accord since Arbroath beat BonCup to 36 - 0 in the Scottish est set a record for the bigg margin of victory in a professional match. John Petrie also holds the record from that game for the most goals scored by an individual There player with have a haul of Arbroath since 13. were supbeen posed to numerous play Orion reports and FC of claims of bigAberdeen but ger victories the information but none was sent to the have Orion Cricket received Club by mistake. ial offic They turned up recognition. without kit and changed their name to Bon Accord to hide their identity.

15

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dith

In Madagascar in October 2002 AS Adema beat Stade Olympique L’Emyrne 149 - 0 as Stade scored own goals for the entire game in some sorta of protest. That required so, goal every 30 seconds or the and the match was disputed refore result not endorsed. The rd.

Arbroath still hold the reco

es M ere Jam By

I

n a Career that sp decades, Roy Raceanned five greatest player-man, the single walk the face of th ager ever to left a legacy upon e comic Earth that will never be said comic Earth forgotten. From his humble beginnin Magazine to the fie gs in Tiger playing career in a ry end of his ter accident on his bizarre helicopyoung Welsh prodig way to watch a the goals, the laughy, Roy provided all of the most int s and invariably eresting story lines.

As a player, Roy’s str engths rested upon his uncann do anything bad on y ability never to Unfor tunately this the pitch. be said for some ofcouldn’t always ers but nobody’s pe the other playRace) and they alw rfect (except Roy Captain to rely uponays had their adversity. He neve in the face of round for them. Her failed to turn it found a way.

This is not to sa of a club as big as y that the reigns Rovers could not beMelchester Fifty years is a lon burdensome. that time Roy and g time and in his team faced abductions, bombing tragedies beyond co s and other Yet he always boun mprehension. ing by example. A ced back in leadRacey’s Rocket here or a pat on the the odd near death back there and Youngsters should experience. The take note, especially you, Wayne Ro oney.

Matthew Turtle

A

ROY OF THE ROV ERS

W

e all remember th good old Saturd ose ay afternoons. Religious ly watching Grandstand in Steve Ryder’s vi the build-up to di brought us the printer that all ball scores. Afte the day’s footr all, these were the days when ever y game took place on a Satu rday at 3pm. An d with Match of the Day beyond ou bedtimes, inch -high plastic fig r ures would re-enact the days games on a lush, if somew hat uneven, gree mat. n The Subbuteo fie ld allowed imag inations to run free. A well plac ed shot instantly be ca timed volley into me a sweetly the top corner.

Stray flicks that clattered into op ponents became leg-b complete with 22 reaking lunges, -man brawls. Yo blue and white ur Engl double up as Sp and team would urs, who would in turn double up as Wanderers. It wa Bolton s the beautiful game in its mos t beau Its obsession we tiful form. nt beyond the field though. Fr iends would ga in and lose affect ion whether they co depending on uld boast a stat e the ar t stadium , complete with of coaching staff, streakers and a working scoreb oard. Whether we were afforded th e top play over sc luxury of tablerambling around on a dusty attic flo or, risking injury to self and players, gave notoriety to particular venu es. One stray lim b and it would be go prize top-scorer odnight to your .

Now, where’s m y super glue? I just knelt on M aradona.

Sam Coare

16

Features

features@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05

Board

F r ee Laura Barnhouse goes on the trail of one man, a longboard and a rather novel world record attempt

I

t is far from uncommon for young people to buy a VW van to travel Australia nowadays. The reasoning is understandable - having access to your own wheels is the best way to see Australia’s vast landmass.

One man is taking that trend a push and a glide further on; he is going to longboard across Australia.

26-year-old Dave Cornthwaite is a freelance graphic designer living in Swansea. In August 2006 he will begin a journey that, on completion, will break a world record. Dave plans to longboard 5,000 miles across land in a venture that is now affectionately known as ‘BoardFree’, all in the name of charity.

The journey will take him from Perth and around Australia’s southern coastline to Brisbane, which he aims to have reached by December. What makes this record attempt all the more amazing is the fact that Dave, who has always dreamed of taking on such a challenge, is not someone who has been longboarding for years - he has been longboarding for just seven months.

A born traveller, Dave had been feeling restless for months: "It had been three years since I last slung a bag on my back and ventured into the unknown, and I'd become restless with the nine-to-five routine.

“Backpacking from town to town with no apparent aim interested me less and less as time went on."

He wanted to do something special and unusual in his worldwide adventure, he just wasn’t sure what.

In March, Dave had taken up longboarding as a compromise for snowboarding in a city that never gets any snow. His bike had been made redundant and Dave boarded everywhere, in all weathers, at any time of day or night. He loved it and every routine journey had become a tarmac adventure.

One morning in May, as he was once again woken up by his hungry cat, he had a brainwave: "As Kiwa tapped my head with her paw, before I showered and changed and boarded into work, I decided to combine my newest and oldest passions.

Longboarding collided with travel and BoardFree was born."

Dave is never one to do things by half, however. He decided that to make this worthwhile he was going to have to break a world record.

"I promised myself that I'd go further than anyone had before, and that idea of a world record spurred me on.

That I wanted to break this record barely two months after stepping onto my first longboard didn't strike me as foolish, impossible or unlikely.

“It was merely freeing, a chance to test my physical and mental limits.

The freedom of doing what everyone at some point dreams of doing - getting away from work and escaping was at the heart of the concept for

me, as a title, therefore, BoardFree seemed fitting."

As with all big ventures the planning has been full of technical problems, and Australia was not always the planned destination. Dave, never being one to travel in circles, knew that it had to be an A to B route but his first idea was to start in his home city of Swansea and to finish in Beijing, China. He began to research the trip but soon realised that Russia was going to cause him quite some problem.

"Although the British embassy in Moscow had advised that some areas in deepest Russia were likely to pose problems in the shape of morally loose local officials, my biggest worry was the condition of roads along the proposed route. I searched desperately for surveys and advice, but there was a patchy area of roughly 2,000 miles through Siberia for which I could find no proof of any roads, let alone tarmac ones in good enough condition for my board to roll along."

Not wanting to jeopardise the success of BoardFree now that charities were beginning to take an interest, Dave decided that the safest option would be to think up an entirely new route. Peru to Brazil via Bolivia, Chile, Argentina and Uruguay? Mexico to Canada? Around Britain four times?

Nothing seemed quite right.

Features 17 "A tattered 1994 copy of Lonely Planet Australia jumped out at me from a friend's bookshelf and I cured a hangover with that book. I checked out the roads and they seemed less troublesome than Russia's. Visas wouldn't be a problem. Perth to Brisbane 2006 - we have our route."

On his striking yellow longboard now a common sight along Swansea’s seafront - Dave can be seen practising for his journey. In Australia he aims to cover just over 40 miles a day for four months.

"The route will take us around the western, southern and eastern coasts of Australia, across the infamous Nullarbor Plain and along the Great Ocean Road. It’ll be a long, gruelling journey full of ups and downs. I can’t wait!”

In addition to his local training regime, Dave is planning a warm-up journey from John O’Groats to Land’s End in May 2006, a 900 mile route never before completed on a skateboard. On his way he is inviting other skaters to join him along parts of the distance. This will be a small-scale version of the Australian journey, which Dave hopes will create the largest communal skateboarding event in history as hundreds of longboarders follow him out of the cities he skates through.

Very early on in the planning, Dave decided that he wanted the venture to be in aid of charity and before long he had selected three worthwhile causes - the Lowe Syndrome Trust, Link Community Development and Sailability Australia, all of which work to improve and enrich the lives of children. The minimum fundraising target is £50,000. People can sponsor Dave at www.justgiving.com/boardfree and there is now a slightly unusual sponsorship section on the BoardFree website.

Entitled ‘Dare Dave’, it enables people to promise Dave a certain amount of money if he completes a specific task. Such dares currently include being an extra on Neighbours, longboard and all, for which Dave would receive £30. Other dares consist of knitting and playing the didgeridoo while longboarding.

You may be thinking; “It’s alright for some. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all have four months travelling around Australia justified because it’s all the name of a good cause?”

Well, the good news is that you can, and better still, you wouldn’t have to do anything nearly as physically demanding as what Dave is going to have to do.

Dave is looking for a number of people to get involved with BoardFree, both in the UK and in Australia. Back at home he wants student reps all over the country, campaigning and raising money in aid of BoardFree. This is an excellent chance not only to do something for a fun and excellent cause. Four people are also needed to join Dave’s support van in Australia. He stresses that he is looking for people who are willing to dedicate themselves to BoardFree but that anyone who

Board to be free

BoardFree Facts - Dave studied International Dev elopment at Swansea Universi ed Waterfront, the university newspaper, for two years befo ty and edithis own local newspaper. re setting up - Dave has been working full time

on BoardFree since July 2005.

- The current world record dist and is held by Jack Smith fromance travelled on a skateboard is 3000 miles the USA. - The Lowe Syndrome Trust striv es endlessly to fund research which they hope will one day projects currently incurable disease. uncover an insight into Lowe Syndrome, a - Community Development has ects in Sub Saharan Africa has contributed to sustainable education projtens of thousands of children revolutionised communities and benefited .

- Sailability Australia gives an discover a new sport in sailing,opportunity for people of all disabilities to ners able-bodied people with a new skill in a social setting which partthe disabled in a unique environment.

chooses to do so will have the adventure of a lifetime.

"How often do we get the opportunity to spend months seeing a country at ten miles per-hour, at the same time as developing our specialist skills in an ever-changing environment?"

Dave is looking for a camera person, a photographer and two multi-talented roadies who will be charged with driving, route-tracking, timing, calculating distances as well as maintaining the support vehicle, providing medical expertise and generally keeping the morale up.

Even if you don’t think you could offer anything by being a part of the support team there are many other ways you could get involved.

Further details about the BoardFree project, the supported charities and how to apply for a position on the team can be found on the BoardFree website.

pares TRAINING: Dave pre sea an Sw in p tri for his Read all about BoardFree, buy tees and wristbands and learn how to apply for the support van - and indulge in a feast of quirky pictures, videos and written extracts following Dave’s BoardFree journey - at www.boardfree.co.uk.

18

Features

Should she have forgotten?

Jenny Benton-Evans examines the many risks associated with vaccines

T

he issue of vaccine damage is one of which very few people are made aware, especially to the true extent of the problem.

Indeed, the figures that were uncovered when researching this article were astonishing. The degree of the problems and potential complications connected with immunisations are relatively unknown, and I write with experience in this matter to inform readers about some of the very real risks involved with certain vaccinations.

Many incidents involving vaccinations have been brought to the public’s attention, including the debate surrounding the supposed links between the measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccination and autism. Public knowledge was raised briefly, but the issues were soon brushed aside, with little action taken to address them. Most incidences concerning other vaccinations are never brought to public attention.

The first vaccinations that infants may receive are at the age of two months, so the decision of whether or not to vaccinate their children is one of the first that parents must

make. Many are obliged to do so without being fully informed of the potential side-effects of these injections. The purpose of this article is not to frighten people, or discourage them from opting to take vaccinations; it is to raise awareness of the risks involved, so that each individual can make a fully-informed decision.

“

The Evening Standard printed a shocking article concerning £3.5m worth of compensation for families of children who had suffered adverse reactions There are many different types of physical and mental damage that may be linked to vaccinations. This damage may be temporary or permanent, and varies on a dramatic scale of severity. Although most of the literature evaluates the risk of vaccine damage as extremely low, there are many cases whereby parents claim not to have been informed of any risks involved when deciding to immunise their children, and were often

not made aware unless their child was affected.

In March 2005, the Evening Standard printed a shocking article concerning £3.5million worth of compensation which had been paid to the families of children who had suffered adverse reactions to vaccinations since 1997. The payouts were revealed under the Freedom of Information Act, but ministers claim that the records of which injections were involved were not kept as it would be ‘too difficult to pin the blame on a specific injection’.

This may seem a shocking amount of money, but really is just the tip of the iceberg, as figures show that only 1 in 33 claims were successful last year. Payouts are only made if there is overwhelming medical evidence to back the claim, and the majority of people receive no compensation if they cannot disprove other possible causes or confounding variables. Very few people actually receive a payout and figures suggest that since 1979 when the scheme was introduced, approximately 30,000 people have fought for compensation for illnesses or disabilities they believe were

caused by vaccines.

According to an article by the director of Citizens for Healthcare Freedom, Alan Phillips, the mortality rates from Whooping Cough declined by 79% prior to the introduction of mass-immunisation. The death rates from Whooping Cough have only been approximately 10 per year over the past few years, whilst the number of vaccine-related deaths dwarfs that figure. One case-study featured a young man who was vaccine-damaged by the injection, which left him approximately 98% brain-damaged - with uncontrollable epilepsy, severe learning difficulties and autistic tendencies.

The information leaflet given to the

“

Some children are left physically disabled, while others may be physically able, but mentally impaired man’s mother in 1981, when the vaccination options were described to her, claimed that ‘most children have no ill effects at all,’ and the chance of the child developing some sort of brain damage from the triple vaccine were ‘very low,’ at about one in 310,000.

There is no mention of any such effects in the NHS’s 2005 publication.

The man now requires 24-hour care and, at the age of 23 years, has the mental capabilities of an infant around the age of 18 months. He suffers from approximately 36 different types of epileptic seizure, and requires a series of six different drugs per day to keep him out of permanent convulsive status. The frequency of his epileptic seizures dramatically impedes his ability to learn new skills, as a seizure blocks the consolidation of new memories. This means that a novel event may be completely forgotten from one day to the next, and it may take many years to learn a relatively simple task. But, sadly, this young man is seen as one of the luckier ones. This sort of occurrence is not as rare as one may think, and the death rates associated with vaccinations are shocking.

According to figures from Vaccination Liberation Information, from 1991 to 2000, the number of deaths in the USA associated with vaccine adverse effects reported to VAERS (Vaccine Adverse Effects Reporting System) varied from 146 to 251 per year. In infants under the age of one year, the number was as high as 170 in one

year. However, this is thought to be hugely underestimated. According to www.vaclib.org, a typically quoted figure for the USA is closer to 3,000 children under the age of two years. If the records of which vaccinations were high risk were kept accurately, then it may be possible to determine correlations between individual cases, and discover why it is that these effects occur.

One reason which may explain why the actual figures may be much higher than official estimates, is that many infant deaths may be labelled ‘SIDS’ (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) when the cause of death is unknown. It is suggested that coroners do not check the vaccination status of SIDS victims, so the cause of death may well be linked to immunisation in some of these cases. Indeed, evidence in this area does indicate a link between the two, and there have been many studies which have found varying correlations between SIDS and vaccination.

For instance, in the mid-1970s, Japan raised their vaccination age from two months to two years. Incidents of SIDS in Japan dropped dramatically and, as a country, their infant mortality ranking went from seventeenth to first in the world.

The disorders and dysfunctions associated with vaccinations are numerable and variable, hence often very difficult to link directly to a vaccination. They range from arthritis, and other such physical impediments, to brain damage, autism and Down’s Syndrome. Some children are left physically disabled, while others may be physically able, but mentally impaired. So why do some people have an adverse reaction to certain immunisations? Furthermore, why do these reactions differ between individuals? Surely, more money should be invested in solving these questions, and making the VACCINES: should we be better informed?

Features 19 higher-risk vaccines safer.

There is not a 100% effectiveness level with these vaccinations, but they have been shown to dramatically decrease the likelihood of an individual contracting certain illnesses. It must also be pointed out that there is a risk involved in not receiving these immunisations, and the illnesses they protect against are done so with good reason. The illnesses themselves can lead to all sorts of physical and mental damage, and can kill. Infants are especially at risk of more severe damage if they contract these illnesses early in life while their immune systems are low, so the earlier the vaccines are administered, the better.

Of course there are benefits to vaccinations, and without them, mortality rates and the spread of infectious diseases may be overwhelming. Health authorities claim that vaccinations are directly responsible for the decline in diseases that we have seen over the past few years. However, this is questionable as figures show that infectious diseases declined steadily for decades prior to the introduction of mass immunisations.

It is clear that we still know very little about why adverse reactions to vaccinations occur. Is it a biological predisposition? Can it be tested for?

It seems that while public awareness is so low, there is no pressure on the government to invest more money in solving these issues.

Know the risks before you make your decision, because if someone you love becomes a victim of vaccinerelated damage, blame becomes irrelevant. The odds may be in favour of vaccination, but only if you are not the one who falls victim to the potential damage that can be caused.

20 Features

The write way

Moore with a copy of CFUK

Kerry-Lynne Doyle talks about exposing new Welsh writing talent with Dylan Moore, editor of Wales’ newest literary magazine CFUK

D

ylan Moore wants to change the world – or, at least, the Welsh literary world.

Since graduating from Cardiff University in 2001, Moore has become a secondary school teacher and, more recently, singlehandedly launched the city’s only literary magazine, CFUK. Made entirely by hand, and funded

by Moore himself, CFUK features all things literary - from prose to poetry to essays - and is produced in the spare time Moore has between fulltime teaching.

Mixing the writing of Welsh literary stalwarts Niall Griffiths, Peter Finch and Rachel Trezise with the work of Wales’ newest writers, CFUK is a refreshing reflection of modern Welsh writing.

"The magazine is growing and I’m glad as there are a lot of good writers around Wales at the moment," Moore enthuses.

"I now want to channel all of this

talent and find new people to publish in the magazine."

Kicking off in spring this year, Moore wrote the first issue of CFUK completely by himself.

He then sent it out to eleven prolific Welsh writers to ask them to get involved and he soon convinced some of Wales’ finest literary figures to come on board for the project.

While each issue of the magazine features established writers, an equally big portion of each edition showcases the work of upcoming writers some of whom have never been published before.

And Brecon-based Moore hopes that the magazine can act as a platform for wannabe writers who are looking for their big writing break in Wales.

"I started CFUK because I’ve always written and have seen that in order to get published through the establishment in Wales you need to know people," he reveals.

"I want it to partly act as a bridge for people to get their name out there because if their work is published alongside authors like Niall Griffiths hopefully they will get noticed."

The magazine was also inspired by the Cool Cymru era in the late 1990s - the time when Moore found himself studying at Cardiff.

"I arrived in Cardiff in 1998 when Cool Cymru first arrived on the back of the success of Catatonia and the Manic Street Preachers," he says.

"It was a brilliant time to be in Cardiff. In the three years that I studied here we got a devolved government, the Millennium Stadium was built and Wales beat England in the rugby.

"We’ve beaten them since then of course but it was great at the time!"

Moore is delighted that the Cool Cymru capital has continued and that it has helped Cardiff’s profile to grow.

He hopes that as the scope of CFUK will soon be growing with it.

Features 21 “At the moment we have a real mixture of poetry and essays but I want this to expand.

"I eventually want to cover arts and music in the magazine too."

As for the production of the magazine, Dylan designs it himself – by hand.

Past covers have featured Polaroid pictures, a bus timetable and Scrabble letters.

Inside, the magazine is made up of ripped paper, sketches and computer graphics, with images of Welsh culture forming its backdrop.

Was giving the magazine such a raw look a conscious decision?

"It is done DIY basically because I didn’t want it to look glossy and I wanted it to look different," Moore reveals.

"For the cover with chips on the front I literally went down the chip shop to get what I needed."

While he admits that he would be scared to know the amount of time it takes to produce each issue of the magazine, he is happy to get the work of new writers, and his own work, published.

Moore has been writing since he can remember and even produced magazines as a child.

Continuing to write fiction while at university, Moore’s journalistic ambitions were satiated by writing for our very own gair rhydd throughout his degree.

"I never managed a section but I was known as the boy with his fingers in many pies as I wrote reviews for loads of different sections," he laughs.

Nowadays he writes short stories and literary non-fiction, including a

Cool Cymru, courtesy of Catatonia and the Manic Street Preachers, inspired CFUK

work in progress about the cultural significance of the A470.

While he jokingly names himself as a writer to watch for the future, he is definite in naming two of Wales’ rising literary stars.

"Owen Thomas is already prolific as a playwright but he is a fantastic writer," he says.

"Phillippa Rayner has already won poetry competitions and she is only in her first year at university so she’s

Writing - where to start Moore has plenty of advice for wannabe writers: "Do your own thing. Do not write for the sake of it," he advises.

"If you want to be a writer you should be writing already but CFUK is a good starting ground. Just send me stuff for the magazine."

Submissions for the magazine can be sent to cfuk@hotmail.co.uk.

And in the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for a student writing competition in the magazine, which will be judged by Rhondda-born Rachel Trezise - the award-winning author of Rachel Trezise will be judging In and Out of the Goldfish Bowl - dura student writing competition ing the future.

another name to watch."

And for anyone new to Welsh writing, Moore recommends Rachel Trezise’s In and Out of the Goldfish Bowl and Hayley Long’s Fire and Water as great starting points.

"Anyone looking for a challenge should pick up Lloyd Robson as his writing is quite in your face and manic," Moore adds.

In the meantime, anyone wanting a taste of what’s going on in Welsh writing and a slice of Cardiff culture should pick up a copy of CFUK; any book lover from the city would have surely appreciated the magazine’s obituary for Albany Books, Roath’s much-missed book shop which closed down earlier this year.

For now Moore hopes that the magazine can put the spark back into literature.

"Hopefully by picking up CFUK people can realise that literature can be fun. Of course the standard of writing has to be great but I just want people to know that literature doesn’t have to be boring."

CFUK is available at Blackwells in the Students’ Union, Café Aroma and Café Calcio.

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Fashion

fashion@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05

Bagaholics Anonymous Jason Jones admits to being a fully fledged member

Man bag

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ccessories for women are a contradiction in terms.

Everything they wear is an accessory to the wonder that is them. For men, accessories are like the flowers on a pine tree: small, boring and only really noticed by other pine trees.

Yet we find a surprising number of ways to customise our uniforms. For men, this is a high-anxiety minefield.

Multiple choices and free expression are not what we’re good at. So, over the years, blokes have conceived a Byzantine collection of rules pertaining to accessories that are not only irrational and complex, they also change all the time. No white socks with anything, unless at the gym or playing footie. No brown shoes with a blue suit (apparently). Plain silk ties good; garish ‘comedy’ ones bad. No sovereign rings with anything, period.

OK, that last one is just my no-no, but

you get the picture: for men it’s an accessory jungle out there. However, there is one outfit add-on you’d have to go a long way to bungle, and that’s the hardy-perennial male accessory mainstay: the bag.

Bags specifically for men have had something of a rebirth of late thanks largely to the birth of – beware, media buzzword ahead – the metrosexual man, and the emergence of Generation Groomed Geezer. Now, according to the glossed-up gentrified world of the style-mags anyway, everything that hangs off us, from our hair to our clothes to the bags we cart our crap in, has to be the mutt’s nuts. Oh, and our bags are no longer just bags anymore. In the same way that if we indulge a wee bit too lustily in the pie’n’pints diet, then we suffer from that much-feared condition ‘manboobs’, a bag for a man has been rechristened – made-up media word ahoy – a ‘manbag’. Presumably, if we put ourselves about a bit too lustily (fingers crossed) in the manner of, say, a sexually incontinent tomcat then we will be called ‘manslags.’ Or ‘mansluts’. Or Darren Day. Where will all this inventing words end? I’ll tell you something , all these pseudowords are getting on my manboobs.

But being the true hypocrite I am, I’d like to introduce you to a pretend-word of my own: a bunkie. A bunkie is someone, male or female, who is partial, nay enslaved, to the purchase of bags, in fact any bag that will feed the craving and give the required rush.

The reason I’ve coined this term is because I suffer from this sick addiction; I am a hopeless bunkie. I could give any sorry sap/supermodel down the Priory a run for their DT shakes.

But in the interest of making a possible recovery (unlikely), I will divulge the grand total of bags I have in my possession: 54. Yes, you read right.

54. Like I said, hopeless. And the current ‘manbag’ explosion isn’t helping, either. Everywhere I turn there’s a bag to be had in every style and colour a bunkie could imagine. Trad and futuristic rucksacks, satchels in leather and sleek nylon, canvas carry-alls, bags so big you could fit a flat in, dolly-bags that can barely contain your car keys: from the designer pure stuff to the cheaper, cut fixes of the high street dealers every bunkie’s bag need is scored.

Ah, the dealers. With every addiction, there’s the supplier. Every bunkie is different, but the monkeys on my back are Prada (top-pedigree, pricey bagateer par excellence) and Gap (well-designed, wide selection, reasonably priced; hits the spot every time.)

But like any dream will do for Joseph and his Technicolour Dreamcoat, any bag will quicken my pulse. I’ve even been known to eye up an obviously girlie bag enviously, although I draw the line at anything with feathers and sequins; I’m not a drag queen. Yet. Clearly, the bunkiness runs deep, but as any addict will tell you it’s hard to dump the junk once you’re hooked.

Forget rehab, I’m off to rebag.

TOPSHOPS

Men’s fashion in Cardiff is suprisingly diverse. Barker has a preppy college boy feel whereas the M Store sells wicked casual clothing and has the best sales ever, with 75% off! Drooghi is Cardiff’s hidden gem, featured in the FHM top 100 fashion retailers, this is no wonder when you see the stylish gear they have to offer. It is fairly pricey when on a student budget, but with labels such as Addict, Duffer and Evisu, it will set you apart from everyone else. For an edgier look you could visit Route One which has an excellent range of clothing, a lot of which are imported from the US such as Atticus and Famous Stars and Straps, a must for any emo/rockscene fans. Blue Banana is great for accessories, selling studded belts and bullet belts for up to £16 and hats for just £5. Finally, Oriental Arts is the place to check out for rock T-shirts. You can also do vintage well, with Hobo’s selling drainpipe jeans, bomber ‘pop’ jackets, sleeveless jumpers and cheap knitted scarves - you can create a look all of your own 10% cheaper than anyone else - with your student discount. I Claudius also sells many second hand vintage clothes, such as garage American work shirts for a fiver.

Cardiff’s other vintage speciality is Drop Dead Budgie focusing on 50s - 80s clothing. Sofie Louise

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‘Geek Chic’ B

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oys, you’ve probably noticed your nipples starting to stick out of the horizontal striped polo-shirt you bought in Burton at the start of summer. The days are getting shorter too. It's time to take your mother's advice and ‘wrap up warm’!

Winter has finally kicked in and in terms of men’s fashion, that’s a good thing. Winter clothes are better than summer clothes, fact.

For those of you who have already drunk your way through half of your student loan and are worried that your bank balance won't stretch quite far enough to get yourself some warmer threads, fear not. It is possible to accommodate winter into your wardrobe without having to live on bread and water for the next six months.

In fact, you can probably get away with just one new purchase – the Peacoat. Due to the length and cut of this coat, it is easy to create a flattering silhouette, one that will slim down even the shortest and fattest amongst you. Go for the double-breasted option in a dark colour, but make sure it fits nice and snug around the shoulders and chest. H&M do relatively cheap ones starting at about £60.

Whether wittingly or unwittingly ‘geek chic’ seems to be the preferred style of most male students. This winter is the perfect opportunity to exploit this look. Achieving this look is cheap and easy - when shopping, imagine you are buying clothes for the OC’s Seth Cohen and you shouldn’t steer too far off the right path. From the waist down, squeeze into skinny-fit jeans and from the waist up, pair patterned shirts with plain, pastel coloured v-neck jumpers. Topman do a plethora of student-friendly patterned shirts.

Remember to have a bit of the shirt’ cuff sticking out of the end of the sleeve of your jumper – it nicely frames the upper body. If you insist on wearing those diamond patterned golf jumpers, make sure you do it in a knowing way – the aim is to look like a librarian but with an ‘edge’.

When it comes to accessories, add some colour to your new dark peacoat by buying a few bright, long, thin scarves. If your head is cold, please avoid the simple beanie – it makes you look like a) a 13-year-old skateboarder or b) a burglar. Instead, you should consider growing your hair out a bit a la Franz Ferdinand/Kaiser Chiefs. Short back and sides is out; It has been catapulted straight back to the Armed Forces where it belongs.

Unlike the fairer sex, we have no omnipotent fashion icon at whose alter we can worship. This however, is a good thing. It prevents us from looking like the male equivalent of the sickening homogenous blur of Sienna Miller boho-babes that strut around Britains street corners. We, thankfully, have the opportunity to dress in a vaguely original way. Please, approach winter fashion with gusto.

Matthew Hitt Prada: ‘Edgy librarianism?’

YLE

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e l y t S t e Stre Piers Q uarr y First-ye a Busine r ss Manag ement Shops @ Island, River H&M Month ly shoppin g spree £50 :

aka Derek alton W n Simo ear Third-y l a im n A ! ie d Stu s lothes Gets c ates m off his Monthly g shoppin 12 £ spree:

Ryan Spansw and Ro ick (L) b Pearce (R) Third-y e Accoun ar ting Shop @ Island, River U ‘Mumm SC or y buys them’ (Rob).

Hooker, eam: Clare T Howells le ty te S Charlot Street nd a k lic Leigh Bia

24 F a s h i o n

STYLE KINGS Are we ready for men to step up to the fashion throne?

By Charlotte Howells Fashion Editor

M

en’s fashion has traditionally revolved around ease, comfort and minimum effort.

Shopping is regarded as a necessary chore that holds none of the manly satisfaction provided by the deep roar of a revving engine. Yet it appears the stereotypical signifiers of manliness no longer rule the roost - due to men’s growing embrace of the effeminate, an interest in fashion over football is no longer considered synonymous with homosexuality.

In fact designer-clad men are becoming the leaders of the pack, rather than the lone poser. It’s about time too. Although women’s fashion has recently been criticised for its constant chameleon transformations, style for men has moved at a snail’s pace in comparison. Despite a brief flirtation with a rougher skin of ripped jeans and pre-distressed clothing, smooth-yet-dull smart casual has consistently personified the alpha male.

The launch of two dedicated style magazines for men, GQ Style and Another Man, is surely confirmation that masculinity can change its spots.

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The slick, glossy pages of the newly created male style bibles are concrete evidence that for those with ample disposable income, fashion for men can be every bit as exciting and luxurious as women’s. But although the designer sector is thriving, the high street seems slow to embrace this change. The shelves of Boots may be heaving with masculine moisturisers, but clothing stores continue to stock an identikit uniform, making unique style an expensive pursuit for the discerning male. Whereas cheap-chicleader Primark stocks up-to-the-minute catwalk copies for women, the male section sticks to seasons-old combat trousers and sub-standard attempts at faux-vintage T-shirts. A quick glance round the majority of mid-range menswear retailers reveals a blanket adaptation of a few trends by all the shops. Last season the pastel trend was adopted with gusto by the high street - every shop featuring their own version of the pink customised tee.

Nightclubs became a sea of pastel, just as previous seasons had seen a flock of checked-shirted men. Perhaps the reasoning behind the stores reluctance to move away from this unimaginative stock is male fashion psychology; the gender divide means girls dread finding a matching vision of themselves, yet men breathe a sigh of relief if they are camouflaged in a crowd.

New Look has recently introduced a menswear section to several of its largest stores. Despite the promise of high fashion at a low price, men gave it a disappointing thumbs down, ‘the clothes aren’t any different to anything else on offer, and the prices are so much higher than those in the female section which makes up the majority of the store’. Another store to pilot men-centric fashion is Topshop spinoff Topman, like its bigger sister, it exhibited a Topman collection at London fashion week. The first high

MALESTYLE

street store to do so. Yet despite half-hearted efforts from several retailers, it still seems that our high street shops are unwilling to take a risk and give the guys a helping hand in the style stakes. Top student store H&M has stocked designer collaborations in its womenswear sections, but despite being one of the few affordable shops for men’s fashion, it has yet to display the same commitment to menswear. For men, good clothes are like that other male status symbol, the flash, fast car - a low cost version just doesn’t exist. It seems that in the male stakes, money still equals style.

Men’s fashion is beginning to evolve, but our mannish society stops them from enjoying the diversity in fashion that is afforded to women. GQ Style lists velvet and autumnal colours as the top trends for winter, but the men I quizzed wouldn’t be seen dead in the clothes menswear designers sent down the catwalk. Turning up at your local in head-to-toe couture is unlikely to impress the lads, or your girlfriend. Jasper Conran displayed a dramatically deep v-neck cut to the waist, along with a see-through string vest teamed with a dangling choker and leather trousers, Dsquared2 meanwhile showed pimp-style fur coats. Despite this flirtation with a raunchier image, suits still ruled the runway, and the work-wear worn on the streets mirrors this trend. The designer houses and the male glossies that promote their clothes may want to turn masculinity into metrosexuality, but it seems no one else is quite as keen. The rougher sex aren’t quite ready to be style kings.

Yet.

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Food

food@gairrhydd.com

Food is an essential part of the culture in Morocco.

Liz Lane takes us through the wonders of Moroccan cuisine

M

orocco is well known for many things; from haggling at the stalls, the beautiful landscape or smoking hookahs pipes, but all I can seem to think about after my holiday to Morocco is the food.

Most food is cooked in clay-pots which are called tagines and are normally filled with lamb, (which is slow cooked so it can be pulled apart and eaten with fingers) The vegetables mainly consist of potatoes, peas and carrots, and heavily spiced couscous typically accompanies most Moroccan meals.

Moroccan cooking is characterized by rich spices. Fresh Cumin, Traditional coriander, saffron, chillies, dried ginger, cinnamon, and paprika are commonly used, and ground in a pestle and mortar. Nuts are also prominent in Moroccan cooking; pine nuts, almonds, and pistachios show up in all sorts of unexpected places.

Desserts are usually pastries filled with almond and fruit; then mint tea

Moroccan dining

is served, which is made using sugar and fresh mint leaves.

Choosing the right places to eat in Morocco is also essential; if you head into the new part of Marrakech, you are surrounded by commercial places to eat like McDonald’s and Pizza Hut. It is best to steer clear of these places, as they are a lot more expensive and you won’t be experiencing the true Moroccan culture. A great way to taste authentic Moroccan food is to head up to the hills and eat with a Berber family for only a small amount of money.

The medina, which is the main square in Marrakech, is a truly Couscous magical place. At night it comes alive with snake charmers, musicians, fresh-juice sellers and locals setting up their stalls of food.

The steam rises off the grills and the aromas of spices and incense fill the air. There is so much to choose from and it is all really cheap - a delicious Moroccan meal can cost as little as 20 pence.

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This is a Moroccan meal, which you can try for yourselves at home. To make it truly authentic add lots more chilli and garlic - if you can take it!

Recipe for two: preparation time 30 minutes 2-3 chicken breasts 1 fresh chilli seeded and finely chopped 1 tsp dried chilli 2 cloves of garlic (‘Easy Peasy’ garlic is just as good) 1 lemon freshly squeezed 2 tbsp olive oil 1 tsp ground cinnamon 2 tbsp pine nuts 1 tbsp chopped fresh mint 1. Place the chicken in a shallow dish 2. Mix all the other ingredients (bar the mint and half the olive oil) together and pour over the chicken 3. Leave for 20 minutes (or for better results an hour) to marinade 4. Heat the rest of the oil in a pan till sizzling then add the chicken, cook on a high heat till golden brown on both sides.

5. Pour the marinade juices over the chicken and add the mint, serve in its pan juices.

Serving suggestions -For a truly authentic meal eat with couscous, which cooks best if you soak in cold water for ten minutes to loosen the grains, steam over a saucepan of boiling water or stock for a further five minutes, then add chopped mint and coriander for extra flavour.

Alternatively a mixed leaf salad, vegetables. Or fresh crusty bread.

gair rhydd

1-WAY HIRE UK & EUROPE CAN HELP WE CAN TRANSPORT YOU & ALL YOUR KIT FROM DOOR TO DOOR!

We provide: - A fast friendly service - Help with loading and unloading - NO milage chareg in Europe or UK - NO driving licence needed - NO problmes

WHO IS GOING TO FILL THIS SPACE? gair rhydd and Quench are always looking for contributors, designers, photographers, sub-editors and proofreaders. Find us on the fourth floor of the Students’ Union

www.gairrhydd.com

gair rhydd

Going Out

goingout@gairrhydd.com

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CARDIFF 1 5

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fter a month of drunken bar crawls, diverse disco dancing and profound vodka drinking in the city of Cardiff, Quench finally made the intelligent decision, determined to avoid the tedium of weekly hat-tricks at Solus, that it was time for a change.

Just a short train ride away, or for those with the luxury of a car (and an innate disregard for speed cameras) barely a half-hour trip and you will be in Swansea set for a memorable night out.

Arriving in Swansea, we made a beeline for Wind Street (a must for Swansea nightlife-virgins). Similar to St Mary’s Street, it is packed with various bars and pubs, but without the likes of the Burberry-infested and auntie-attracting Flares to let it down.

Instead there are numerous watering holes, ranging from the tasteful Pitcher and Piano to the cheap and cheerful The Bank Statement (part of the Wetherspoons chain). When darkness falls, the lengthy street swamped with funky bars becomes Swansea’s number one nightspot, a

THE WALKABOUT: Wind Street

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Going Out of Cardiff:

Swansea

complete street designated for folk to enjoy (and indulge) themselves. So, unless you have a burning desire to talk about the days when students like yourselves had more respect for society, you need not venture beyond Wind Street to the ‘local pubs’.

Walkabout is your typical Saturday night bar, playing classic cheesy tunes and catering for all. In comparison with Cardiff’s Walkabout it’s smaller but still has a relatively large bar with a staged dance floor.

The next bar we indulged in was La Canta, which can be perfectly summarised in three effortless words: petite, Mexican and Absinthe.

To break up the pole-dancing beats of Ice Bar, or drink-imposing atmosphere of Bar SA1 is the Pitcher and Piano. A classier venue, its comfortable sofas and chilled music create a relaxed atmosphere that comes as a welcome break from the more hardcore bars.

Revolution, located at the bottom of Wind Street, is an essential part of any pub-crawl. Here, ninety flavours of vodka unsuccessfully attempt to disguise that awful paint-stripper taste.

Playing soul and funk until one in the morning, stragglers wishing to avoid the five-minute walk to Swansea’s super club will have more than enough dance floor to fall over on. But those with the stamina would be fools to neglect Time. Holding up to 4,000 people, the super club comprises Time, Envy and Icon, each has distinctive decor and music. It’s a massive club, and great fun to get lost in for two hours, and its dance floors and bar space surpasses Cardiff’s best.

It sadly struck us part of the way through the night that we were never going to be able to visit all the venues in one night. However, thinking optimistically this meant we would cer-

tainly be coming back.

Finding your way home is the only problem when visiting Swansea. If you are lucky enough, you may find a train going back in the early hours, but don’t rely on this. However, if there is a gang of you, why not hire a mini-bus and continue the night in style.

So if you fancy something a bit different the answer may lie with a memorable night out in Swansea, Cardiff’s naughtier, partying little sister.

Steve Craig and James Williams

THE BANK STATEMENT: Wind Street Last fortnight’s Going Out page, ‘Open mic nights’ should have been credited to Richard Lilly WRITE FOR GOING OUT:

Meetings 6pm Monday, SU Fourth Floor

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Blind Date

SPEED

gs that those thinwith f o e n o ting is ched Speed da ems to be approa ok like a sad always se are you going to lo up a tramp caution... who couldn’t pick it’s not desperate helter!? Not at all: wer, but in a bus sr level of pulling po ve way to about you a fun and alternati never know, rather it’s people... and you omeone... meet new find that special s you might

RAG raised approximately £200 with this year’s speed dating event. All the money raised was donated to the Alistair’s Appeal.

The Charity, set up by the parents of a young boy named Alistair Wainwright, after his unexpected death in May 2000, raises funds for paediatric brain tumour research.

SPE

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G

NE GUI

IG AP

On your marks... get ready... speed date!

www.alistairsappeal.org

MARIA KHAN, third-year Law student from Ottawa, Canada

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DATING Get your coat love; you’ve pulled

Cardiff RAG is part of a national student organisation dedicated to fundraising for local and national charities.

Want to join RAG email: RAG@cardiff.ac.uk

IN DAT

blinddate@gairrhydd.com

Dear Diary...

As I made my way to the Woodville for speed dating, I thought to myself, this is going to be chaotic, embarrassing and crazy, what have I let myself in for?

I arrived fairly early, as I always do, and saw three girls and one lonely male with a pint standing at the bar. So far the male to female ratio was not looking good. However the crowd of speed daters soon got bigger and people started talking, the atmosphere began We were all given a to warm up. piece of paper with room to jot down the names of the candidates we fancied. One of the organizers had a whistle, she would blow the whistle every three minutes, at which point all the guys would move along the long tables to chat with the next speed dater in line. I met 20 very charming I checked off three of young men, all of whom were very nice and the 20 young men I met and polite. The best part was that the guys had dinner with one lucky fellow. were not half-drunk and were coherent New to the speed dating scene, I thorenough to carry out a good converoughly enjoyed the experience, this is going sation without chugging down lager to sound funny but the entire evening I every 30 seconds. thought the bar tender behind the bar was very cute, too bad he wasn't speed dating!

I recommend that anyone looking for some good fun should give it a shot. Having said that whether you will find "THE ONE" depends entirely on you.

Maria x x

Dinner date?

OOOH: Look at all the ladyeees

Did she tick his box?

This guy again... looks promising

Wahey!

Looking for love... or just some fun, why not email ‘Little Miss Cupid’ and let her take control of your love life for a night... blinddate@gairrhydd.com BLIMEY, SHE’S BORING: Think I’ll talk to this guy instead...

IT’S ALL ABOUT SHARING THE LOVE!

Reviews

quench@gairrhydd.com

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REVIEWED THIS FORTNIGHT !"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire !"New album by pop-queen !

Madonna !" Haruki Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore Shakespeare’s Hamlet at the New Theatre ! Call of Duty 2 in a Digital sequels double-header !" Flightplan, Factotum, Mrs Henderson Presents !"Franz Ferdinand and Taste of Chaos Live !

CHRIS ADDISON ATOMICITY Wales Millennium Centre November 6

A comic history of the world

S

ome of you may already know Chris Addison. As well as writing the Guardian's 'Funny Money' column and starring in Armando Ianucci's brilliant The Thick of It, he started his career, like many stand-ups, trawling the student circuit. "You can tell how good a college is by the length of its name, I did a gig at the University of Central England, or UCE. So called because of the grades you need to get in – I told them that and they didn't get it."

Atomicity is Cardiff-born, Manchester-raised Addison's first tour-proper. Or at least his first talking to 'proper people', with 'real reference points'. Not the biggest fan of students then. He attempts to 'fit-in' with the crowd with a brief "Hethlo, welcome to the Wales Mithennium Centre" before getting on with his vaunted set.

The premise of the show is simple: Chris will attempt to explain The Very Fabric of The Universe™ using only a mug, some slides and a copy of the periodic table. Sounds dull? Perhaps. A couple walked out after a few minutes, only to be taunted with: "We're 40, no point learning anything else is there?" as they leave. The classroom environment isn't curbed by Mr Addison shouting at me for sending text messages as I took notes on my phone.

However, rather than a dull science lesson (is there any other kind?) the comic uses different chemical elements as the basis for different gags. The deterrent to terrorism? "Be childish." On

Chris is dressed as a comic Droog from A Clockwork Orange, the reallife Addison is a combination of bouncy enthusiasm, fopp-ish hair and clothes and a boynext-door charm that defies his 30-plus years.

The last time he was here, the former TFI Friday writer (Addison looked after the final series after the departure of Messrs Evans and Baker) was compering the annual Fringe tour at the Sherman.

Despite not having his own set, the baby-faced wag was easily the highlight.

He's still as hyperactive as ever – the complete opposite to his Ollie Reeder character in The Thick of It – but the two-time Perriernominee is obviously very smart. And that's not just because he based this marathon tour around the bloody periodic table.

Other pieces include recollections of Addison shouting things at the TV as ITV news patronise him and the standup declaring that the funniest thing in the world is people being extremely nice and polite to each other before declaring that they are “such a cunt!”

It all works well, despite Addison barely touching on the subject in hand. Even if it didn’t, you couldn’t fault the relentless energy which amplifies each punchline. If he isn’t already, Addison is a star in the making.

CHRIS ADDISON: With his trusty Periodic Table Will Dean

the Hindenburg 'Incident' via hydrogen: "When we think about putting one of the earth's most reactive substances in a huge balloon above two petrol engines it doesn't seem too great an idea."

In fact, in terms of show construction, Atomicity is perfect, as it allows Addison to ad-lib about subjects as diverse as the audience's middle-classness (humus jokes abound) whilst having an easy entry point to get back into his set: "Mendelevium – whoever named thatmust've been drunk."

Compared to his press-shots, where

w Revie e Of Th Week

Arts To be or not to be...

32

arts@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05 HAMLET New Theatre November 2-12

It’s the Lion King y’know

T HAMLET: Masked Intentions

OPEN MIC NIGHT The Gate

TRANSLATIONS

Sherman Theatre

Thursdays 8pm

November 1-2

Stand up for yourself

T

he Gate arts centre, housed in a beautiful converted church building, holds weekly open mic nights and, being intrigued, I decided to go along to see what happens.

Rowan Liggetti, who organises the event, starts the evening off in lively style by introducing each performer personally. The relaxed café bar setting is smoke-free and helps to create an intimate, welcoming atmosphere. This isn’t a closed event; people chatter or rush in and out all the time. The night contains mainly live music, but readouts and other performances are also encouraged. Some performers are regular guests, others get inspired to collaborate spontaneously.

Highlights of the evening were improvised covers of Hit the Road Jack, some good old 20s Delta Blues and George Gershwin’s Summertime.

The open mic nights are held every Thursday and entry is free. Whoever wants to perform can put their name down on a list and will get free drinks as a reward for their efforts. This could be your opportunity to perform outside your shower for the first time!

Bjorn Schubert

Speaking another language

I

n its short 20-year life, Translations has become symbolic of the revival of nationalist Irish literature.

The play follows the attempts of the English in nineteenth century Ireland to anglicise place names.

Given the subject matter, it’s so surprisingly sensitive to their initial activities that, as an English person myself, I didn’t have to hang my head in shame.

Nationalist intentions, however, are clear throughout. In the National Theatre’s production this has meant the first half is massively tedious; the younger cast are so abrasively Oirish that you expect ‘sponsored by islandofmemories.com’ to start flashing in the background scenery. But when the action starts kicking in during the second half, and with the older actors allowed to take centre stage, the rapid descent from a doomed private relationship to a wider tragedy is fantastic.

The set up may be obnoxiously dull, but it’s worth sticking with; it could just do with the Blarney Setting turned down a couple of notches.

Andrew Mickel

he Wales Theatre Company’s production of Hamlet offers an unconventional take on the Shakespearean favourite.

Aside from the stagings of the play in both English and Welsh, the casting of Hamlet as a short, chubby, almost middle-aged man and Ophelia as an unnervingly chav-like squeaky teenager presents an unexpected challenge to the audience. Like Marmite, you either love it or you hate it.

The story of the Prince of Denmark, haunted by the ghost of his father, is familiar to most of us. In this production of Hamlet, the political dimension to the play is brought to the forefront.

Claudius, who murdered Hamlet’s father to take his place as King and husband to Gertrude, is portrayed as a devious player in politics and war.

Kathryn Dimery puts in a brilliant performance as Gertrude, who appears to be more a malignant controlling force than a grieving widow.

Wayne Cater as Hamlet thrives in the comedy scenes, particularly when sparring with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. He falters, however, in some of his character’s darker, more complex moments.

The contemporary set, designed by Sean Crowley and Ed Thomas, creates a dramatic military setting for the action. A commanding watch tower with its ever-present radar adds to the atmosphere of paranoia and duplicity that underlies the play.

Although impressive in its ambitions, the production is overly long and a few of the performances verge on the incomprehensible.

Staging Shakespeare presents an obvious challenge to a director: it is done so often that it continually needs new life breathed into it. The Wales Theatre Company’s modern, politicised and very Welsh Hamlet certainly offers a fresh look at the tragedy. Whether or not you like it is another matter entirely.

Kim O’Connor

Arts

33

ART & THE EVERYDAY National Museum & Gallery

Sept 5 - Dec 11 Making things out of ordinary stuff, a la Blue Peter

A

longside traditional art pieces at the National Museum and Gallery comes a contemporary exhibition using and depicting the everyday in fascinating ways.

Art and the Everyday is compiled of two sections: one of artists illustrating scenarios of everyday life, the other using materials from everyday life.

The first half consists of six paintings and one sculpture, covering topics from public transport and still life to domestic environments and daily objects. Allen Jones’s Buses is a vibrant large-scale painting of buses in London and its atmosphere.

Intense red and green colours make up the scene in bus-like shapes, representing traffic and the daily commute.

The second section focuses on the materials in everyday life, featuring a bull created out of grass and a sculpture of a child on stilts. One of the most interesting pieces is My Mother My Father My Sister My Brother by Donald Rodney. Using scotch tape, pins and a glass platform he used sections of his own skin to make a house, less than 2cm tall. It seems to represent the importance of home and also the fragility of life; it is quite an amazing sight.

Overall, the exhibition presents a vast array of ideas and formats of everyday life that is interesting, thought provoking and appealing. Art and the Everyday simply leaves you wanting more.

Sarah Day

Big red bus

Scripts in progress

SCRIPTSLAM Sherman Theatre

What’s On

Every month

The QATSI Trilogy @ Wales Millennium Centre, November 31 - December 2 New writing - new drama

E

very month, the Sherman Theatre hosts ScriptSlam: an event for new writers.

The idea is, you send in a script you’re working on and actors from the resident Sherman Nation company perform it to a small audience.

Several pieces are showcased at each event and the audience vote for which script they’d like to see developed into a full-length play. The emphasis is on an informal, supportive environment and everyone is encouraged to submit work, regardless of how much experience they have.

For those interested in submitting a script, it needs to be about ten pages long and can be about absolutely anything. Even if it’s just a first draft, send it in. You can email the Sherman at eyp@shermantheatre.demon.co.uk.

If you’re not a writer, you can still go along to watch the scripts being performed and take part in voting for your favourite. Tickets for Scriptslam are a bargain at £2 and it’s sure to beat a night in front of the telly.

The next Scriptslam is on 21st December, so get your notebooks out and start writing.

Kim O’Connor

These three inspiring films, directed

by Godfrey Reffio, accompanied by award wining scores by composer Philip Glass. This is the first time the QATSI trilogy will be shown in its entirety and will be enjoyed by music and film lovers alike.

The Art of Silence @ The Sherman Theatre, Saturday November 26 This controversial new play is based on actor Emilio Barreto’s imprisonment. The experiences of those tortured, repressed and beaten into submission by corrupt political systems are channelled into a powerful piece of theatre written and directed by Jennifer Hartley.

The King and I @ New Theatre, November 15 - 26 This old-time favourite comes to the New Theatre stage, complete with a chorus of saccharine-sweet South Wales kiddies. The story of a British school-mistress who becomes the governess of the King of Siam’s children has delighted audiences for years and is sure to continue its success in Cardiff.

34

Music

music@gairrhydd.com

A

Pick e Of Th Week

MADONNA Confessions On A Dancefloor Maverick

Shocking lyrics, stunning tunes

BOB MARLEY Africa Unite: Singles Collection Island

NY OF YOU who have seen the latest Motorola ads, or own a radio will have heard Hung Up, Madonna's latest single, a New Order/ABBA/Pet Shop Boys mashup that ought to do more to alert non-Madge fans to her wares since 1992's Sex book.

In fact Hung Up acts as a motif for the rest of Confessions… aurally stunning yet lyrically lacking.

Superbly produced by Stuart Price of Les Rhythm Digitales-fames, this, her first new album since 2003, sees Madonna re-invented (yes, but properly this time) as a dance floor-ruling disco-queen. Or in other words: she's come full circle.

Price/Madonna borrow a trick from Modest Mouse (!) by not cutting in between songs so that each track blends into another barn-stomping G.A.Y classic. Shame she has to sing though. Y'see, despite much of the album sounding like Rachel

JIM NOIR Tower of Love

My Dad Recordings

21 11 05

Stevens if her voice had some charisma (a good thing), Ms Ciccone's lyrics are at best lacklustre and, at worst, the most disturbing pieces of hackery since Lizzie Borden got annoyed with her dad.

Now I agree that the music itself can take precedence but listen to this.

This is from I Love New York: "I don't like cities but I like New York, other cities make me feel like a dork."

Argh! Same song: "If you don't like my attitude you can 'eff off, just go to Texas – isn't that where they golf?"

I wouldn't take this rubbish seriously from a sixth form Oasis covers band, so what makes the Queen of Pop any different?

Terrible (terrible) rhyming couplets aside, the rest of the album is a hoot, Price is obviously having the time of his life putting Madonna's favourite acts through a disco blender and most of it works brilliantly, it's just a shame about the sub-

THE MARS VOLTA Scab Dates Island

Reggae-ling us with another compilation

Back in black - N’est pas?

Sound-scapes and Scab Dates

A GREATEST HITS album from a dead man can mean: a) Christmas is coming and/or b) His family aren’t making enough off royalties as it is Which box Africa Unite ticks is anyone’s guess. However, this is a neat collection of some of the greatest songs of all time, a reinforcement of Marley’s song writing as some of the best ever. A true musical legend who covered everything from politics to religion with unbridled passion. As an incentive to buy this, over the countless other Marley greatest hits albums, it includes two remixes and a ‘new song’ (clearly not taking after Tupac Shakur, who can miraculously release entire albums from beyond the grave).

Unfortunately the remixes are a waste of time and the new track Slogans is pretty forgettable, which makes Africa Unite an album for completists only. 7/10 Tom Brookes

RETRO SYNTH-POP reminiscent of the Beach Boys; first rate song-writing and lyrics that revel in catchy childlike simplicity.

Mancunian Noir’s sound combines Wilson’s magic with the Beta Band, resulting in a sickly 45 minutes of lush, well-crafted, English pop songs with an undeniably dark and eerie edge. Computer Song vents all our frustrations at dependency on fragile equipment, while Turbulent Weather romanticises about an umbrella. How very British. The record has a creepy feel though and depending on your mental disposition the songs will either make you feel uplifted, or a bit sick. Like clowns, fairground music, puppets, the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, or Jools Holland.

If you can handle that though, Tower Of Love will charm your socks off and transport you to a world of psychedelic 60s pop.

8/10 Thomas Howard

THIS COMBINATION of various live recordings mixed "under strict time limitations" by Omar A. RodriguezLopez, guitar maestro of the Mars Volta, is a wonderful selection of cuts from their two albums and first EP. At first look the album appears to be infused with new tracks for us diehard fans to get wet over. Sadly, however, there is little new here. Those songs with new names are merely the ‘jams’ they have between songs when they get carried away which, despite being great at the time, sound a bit messy here. Concertina, from the Tremulant EP sounds fresher than ever with time on it’s side. Cedric sounds suitably epic and the sax et al from the twenty-something other people listed as performers on the inlay give old songs new depth and bring new songs to life. This is marvellous, they are marvellous, of course they are. 8/10 Harold Shiel

idol band-ter

KATE BUSH Aerial EMI

M u s i c 35 VARIOUS ARTISTS Soma Records Compilation 2005

Bush’s aerial bombardment

Ninjah: Local legend

“

My signature equipment? How about your mum’s head 1) If you could be anyone in the world for 24 hours, who would you be and why?

“I'd be Frank Naughton, because he is a fucking genius, and an opposite genius to me. He is the only one that seems to be able to deal with me. I mean, listen to the album; is there anything out there that can test that?

And listen to the production and effects. There are no fucking samples, the amount of instuments he plays is astounding, and he has got me to play intruments that I could not have imagined playing. And he tells me if I fuck up, and I accept what he says to me as I know it's genuine. I've heard Hendrix and all the best. I've heard Herbie Hancock.

I grew up in America with the best musicians. My dad is one of the best brass players out of Jamaica. But Frank's skill is beyond my comprehension.”

2) If you could have a signature piece of equipment what would it look like?

“Your mum’s head.”

3) Whats your favourite album of the last 12 months?

“The one Frank made. Because there were no samples, and everything was original. And the sound production and quality is awsome.“ 4) When and where was your happiest moment?

“Shagging your mum. I like blondes.”

5) If you had a T.V channel, what would be on it?

“The Banana Splits, all day. They were fucking brilliant. La la la...”

WHENEVER A band or artist releases a shoddy follow-up to their debut album, it invariably gets blamed on Second Album Syndrome: the newer record is harder to write as it must be done quicker, whereas the artist has had his/her entire life to write and record a first effort.

As her eighth record, but first in twelve years, Kate Bush’s Aerial could have gone either way: she could be creatively dry, but she’s had a very long time to rejuvenate herself and make a good album.

Aerial, however, promises much but delivers little. The first CD (A Sea Of Honey) plods along without really ever going anywhere; just as you expect a build-up, the song will end. The second (A Sky Of Honey) is a little better but still fails to grip to the extent of Bush classics such as Wuthering Heights or Hounds Of Love.

Lyrically, the classically quirky Kate Bush choice of subject matter and wording adds a certain kitsch charm which redeems the musical blandness a little. Songs include an ode to Elvis, a tribute to the number !, and, on Mrs. Bartolozzi, a depiction of domestic chores with the chorus mantra of "Washing machine washing machine washing machine…". Weird, no?

I’ll assume it’s a bit of a grower, though it could just be gash.

6/10 Geordie

Soma Records Soma banging tracks GLASGOW LABEL Soma celebrates the passing of another year with festive techno and house.

CD one fares well with a diverse selection initiated by the lazy dub of Vector Lover’s Tokyo Glitterati. Fresh, inventive producer Alex Smoke pops up twice, Don’t See The Point, the pick, all garish and sinister minimalism. Ewan Pearson’s corrupt accordion sounds are also worth noting from within the CD’s pedestrian middle, on his euphoric interpretation of Silicone Soul’s Prisoner’s Diary.

Hystereo’s throbbing, bubbly production stands out further amidst the cry of bleeps and squelches.

The bonus disc is less effective.

Tracks from Silicone Soul and Slam are repeated from disc one, begging the question – ‘why not really advertise your label and put more material on?’ With Alex Smoke, though, we have that rare phenomenon – a techno producer who is unafraid to dissemble the copy book and venture to further, unexplored frontiers.

7/10 John Maher

KATE BUSH: Never too old for the ‘Look at my big penis’ joke

Next Issue: Quench looks back on the year that was 2005 in our run-down of the year’s best albums. To make your feelings heard email music@gairrhydd.com

36 M u s i c

F

PHOTO: James Perou

ORGET WHAT you know about downloads killing the music industry. What do we care? So, a few less over-paid executives won’t be able to afford that fifth storey on their house. We’re the real fans, and we’re not missing out on anything by getting our music for free.

Yet we are losing out. Losing out on a multitude of joys that only when combined can give us the full sense of enjoyment music should bring.

Downloading music may give us the advantage in the Top-Trumps stakes of musical knowledge, as we proudly boast and gloat over friends who have a few hundred less tracks on their iPods than we do, but let’s talk quality over quantity.

Lurking behind the myths over the quality of MP3s lies the realisation that we’re increasingly listening to poorer and poorer quality recordings on even poorer technology. Songs legally purchased on Apple’s iTunes software may boast of their sound quality, but they still fall halfway short of the standard bit-rate we get from a CD, as well as filtering out ‘irrelevant’ sound frequencies. As a result, wave goodbye to the quality of the CD format, as well as seeing the ‘authenticity’ of a vinyl recording disappear.

QUALITY CONTROL

Sam Coare investigates why we’re settling for quantity over quality Our acceptance of poor quality music has in itself given birth to the new culture of listening to music.

What previously was an experience in itself, where for 45 minutes you could immerse yourself in a carefully constructed, nurtured album, whilst gently thumbing through sleevenotes of lyrics and artwork, has become merely a consumption of individual tracks, fought over on the internet by people looking for a quick self-esteem boost as they assert their knowledge over yours. Gone is the record shop salesman actively taking an interest in your

purchase, helpfully pointing you in the direction of similarly engrossing titles.

In it’s place: a confusing aray of selfpromotion and record companies pushing their biggest money-spinners under as broad a blanket as possible.

Music remains the single artform in which we accept such flaws. We don’t leave a theatre production at the interval, nor run blindfolded through an art museum. Yet in consuming music in this ‘modern’ way, we’re accepting an equally limiting experience.

Your views: music@gairrhydd.com

FOREVER FRANZ PINK, GREEN, RED and black, the first four minutes are a mess of colours. The four technicoloured Glaswegian generals of Franz Ferdinand gallop around a stage decked out like Hitchcock film set like hyper-active gazelle.

Spikier than cacti, opener This Boy sets a furious pace and Do You Want To proves it's a tune with bigger teeth than Bugs Bunny, before the giant black curtain drops to reveal a glowing red TV screen projecting their every move. Sensational stuff.

In a rare moment of calm, a

suitably re-fringed Alex Kapranos rests his nose on the microphone.

"Cardiff, it's been a while, good to see you," before howling his way through I'm Your Villain in demur fashion with the conviction of a particularly dastardly shop-lifter.

A shower of lingerie swiftly follows an elegant Eleanor Put Your Boots On and This Fire brings things to a singed, chaotic conclusion. Refreshed and re-sized, Franz prove they're built for the big occasion and that we should never have doubted them.

Greg Cochrane

FRANZ FERDINA ND Cardiff Int. Arena Monday Nov. 14

g Underground SUBWAYS: Goin

THE SUBWAYS Solus Monday Oct. 31 G,A INKING A MANAGEMENT deal after their first gig, the Kooks are the latest ‘next big thing’ in music. The band strutted on stage and launched into their set. Kooks delivered a sure, powerful and energetic performance to a packed, but sceptical throng. Expect the music press to wank themselves dry when the album comes out early in 2006.

More immediately, 2005 has been a successful year for the Subways – a rain blighted stint opening the Pyramid Stage and a slot on the John Peel Stage at Glastonbury, and now the joy of playing to an ecstatic Cardiff crowd. The band are mature well beyond their years; their sound is loud and confident and should not be confined to a small venue such as Solus.

Opening track, With You, wakes the damp, Monday-weary audience with the enigmatic Charlotte bounding across the stage. Masters of the three-minute pop-riot, the band stretched their album into an hour set, finishing with the belting Rock and Roll Queen and nearly tearing the roof off the venue.

Music played with such passion, and at such volume, left you battered but aching for more. Simply awesome.

Andrew Lightfoot

OPENING FIVE-PIECE Kubb are certainly an interesting prospect for the future.

Combining epic song craft with beautiful swirling melodies, songs like Wicked Soul and Remain from their debut album Mother highlight the band’s considerable promise.

If Starsailor aren’t Britain’s dreariest band, my god they must cut it close. Returning with material from their unrestrained third album On The Outside, the band stroll out to an audience composed almost entirely of middle-aged couples, undoubtedly prepared for an evening of pleasant and inoffensive music. Alcoholic and Poor Misguided Fool, played early in the set, provoke the largest sing along of the night, and briefly raise the pulse.

However, the new material aired tonight, including new single In The Crossfire, sends most back into a vegetated state, composed of the same pedestrian riffs and nauseating lyrics.

As the pain-staking ten-minute rendition of Good Souls peters out, one is left with a strange craving for the raw, visceral thrill of Keane. Joe Starkey

MARTHA WAINWRIGHT Solus Thursday Nov. 3 MARTHA WAINWRIGHT IS stripping. Yes, stripping. "I’m really hot," she winks "I need a T-shirt instead" before promptly swapping clothes with a bald bloke in the front row. Rosy cheeked she swirls around in a baggy polo and she couldn’t give a hoot summoning more charm than ten Del-boys, demanding fags and booze.

Meanwhile velvety songs like These Flowers take us to glittery, fairy heaven, and two Cole Porter covers transport us to a dingy, seedy den, mid-prohibition in smouldering New York City where everything’s filthy but perfect.

Tequila and cigarettes rain onto the

M u s i c 37 N LADY SOVEREIG Barfly Sunday Nov. 6 STANDING AT THE head of the 'Save the Hoodie' campaign is Lady Sovereign, although not very tall. In a fairly empty Barfly the Lady herself stepped up to the mic to make quips about the Welsh, but all in good humour.

Aged just 18 with friends like the Streets and co., she unleashed an assault with all the grime of Dizzee Rascal. Her songs ranged from issues of getting pissed, 9 to 5, to fake tan, Tango, with her own view of life in My England. Armed with her musicians Jonas, Mike, Tog and Francis the live sound was explosive and surprisingly good.

Each song felt new and had all the funk, rock and ska mixed with garage that could be mastered by inventive youth. She was fond of the old cat squeal was 'Sov' but with her swearing and drinking like a trooper she was well down wi' the kids.

Emily Kendrick

PHOTO: Greg Co chrane

rou PHOTO: James Pe

STARSAILOR Great Hall Sunday Nov. 13

MARTHA: Kind of old lookin’ stage as the sweat delicate chimes of closing Bloody Motherfucking Asshole ring out, and Martha smiles, "I don’t want to come across like the Janis Joplin type but I need another slurp." Gorgeous, silky, class in a glass.

Greg Cochrane

38

Music

chrane PHOTO: Greg Co anyone?

Circulus Jerkulus

CIRCULUS Clwb Ifor Bach Thursday Nov. 3

WELCOME YE, to the mythical world of Circulus, crawling from a nearby thicket they’re peaceful woodland folk who dress like Robin Hood but sound like a progged-up Tudor Aerosmith.

Look! One has a flute, another plays a block of tree (aye, tree) and one has a Casio 1011:BI with an in built digital Moog synthesiser. Crikey!

Maid Marion sups mead from an enchanted goblet, Lancelot does the can-can and a plump Friar does the splits whilst the remaining bearded band of fellows rock out with songs about hunting newts, peasants, and, er, something about scarecrows.

"This is an older song," quips the bloke with sequinned tunic, "1656 to be precise," before they launch into another chunk of flaming folk from album The Lick On The Tip Of An Envelope Yet To Be Sent.

Medieval forest-core has never been this fun before. In fact, it’s never been at all.

Greg Cochrane

PHOTO: Tom Williams

JEREMY BARNES, erstwhile drummer of Neutral Milk Hotel, is now the creative force behind A Hawk And A Hacksaw. The band came about as the product of much travelling around Europe (mainly Eastern) and beyond, interspersed with some stints living in Prague, New Mexico and our own fair isle.

Barnes’ setup is a sight to behold: upon his crown rests a woolen hat

ATHLETE: In great shape

with bells on the base, and a drumstick on the back to bash a cymbal.

To his knee is attached a second stick with a cowbell as it’s designated target. Beneath his feet lie four assorted kick-pedals, three assorted drums and one specific gong. In his hands he cradles an accordion which he plays with glorious accomplishment. To his mouth points a microphone which he uses sparingly but to devastating effect.

His partner onstage plays the violin with such grace and humility as to make me love her a bit. The songs themselves are magical and make tonight pretty darn special.

Harold Shiel

ATHLETE Newport C.L.A. Saturday Nov. 12 KICKING THINGS off with Chances, it is easy to see from the smile on lead singer Joel Pott’s face that this is going to be quite a gig, their last one before they head to the studio to start work on their third record.

After the subdued Chances, Athlete rip without a word into Half Light, sending the crowd into

BIRTHDAY CAKE? Is this what "chaos" is meant to be? A birthday cake being thrown into the crowd by the Used? Somewhere in the translation, the meaning of chaos has been lost, raped, and replaced with a juvenile, uninspiring and generically woeful turd.

Homecoming champions Funeral for a Friend provide the only relief.

Possibly ‘cause they're the only thing even close to entertaining. They certainly succeed in picking a demoralised crowd up, even though half of them have drunk themselves into a pre-pubescent stupor.

It's a shame, because by the time they take to the stage, they could have put on the show of their lives and still come out stinking of the crap that preceded them. So boys, next time leave Rise Against, The Used and Killswitch Engage in the states, and come home to reign supreme. Sam Coare PHOTO: Adam Gasson

A HAWK AND A HAWKSAW Clwb Ifor Bach 0 Thursday Nov. 1

S TASTE OF CHAO Cardiff Int. Arena Saturday Nov. 12

“This Mic Tastes Like...CHAOS”

a euphoric craze. Their set-list is a healthy mixture of tracks from Tourist and favourites from Vehicles & Animals.

Highlights include the strobe lighting and rocking out at the end of New Product, the anthemic Street Map, fan-favourite You Got The Style, and a guest appearance from Chewbacca.

All in all, Athlete are on top form and their performance this evening leaves fans baying for that third record.

Lastly, a special mention for support band Oversol, who show originality, promise and a tight live set. These guys know how to rip it up. Watch this space. Tom Williams

THE FUTUREHEADS Area 679

When the Futureheads burst onto the scene with Hounds of Love, their prospects looked promising.

However, what they have released since seems monotonous and has a tendency to blur into one. Area is no different. 5/10 TW

FOO FIGHTERS Resolve Sony BMG

More of the same from the trusty old Foos. Resolve is more chilled than the raspy voiced and heavy chorded classics that made their name. Foo Fighters fans will be content with its familiarity but non-fans won’t be phased. 6/10 DW

GORILLAZ Dirty Harry Parlophone

Playlist Troubling the Quench stereo this week... #5 Big guns in Christmas Cash-In. Plus, er, The Glitterati

Adopted by Radio 1 for TV ads, this tune boasts a youth choir, strings, rapper and all that danceable funk the 3D demons could muster. Much darker than previous releases, but still enveloped in synth-pop plushness. 8/10 EK

FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND HISTORY Atlantic

The group chorus, the key change halfway, the slow tempo- funeral attempt to fill the gaping hole in the boyband market. Keep the lighter’s for Your Revolution Is A Joke - this anthem just isn’t worthy. 4/10 HT

“

Sound Bites

URGENT, CHOPPY, acoustic guitaring; strained vocals that in parts sound too loud for the song, and lyrics relaying the storytellers’ relationship with the subject Two Headed Boy combine for a brilliant example of Jeff Mangum’s ability to create a concept within the boundaries of a fourminute song. Romantic too don’t ya know, “and we will take off our clothes, and they’ll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine.”

Ambiguous, intense, a work of art that like all brilliant art allows us to see beyond our own sensual reality and think about the things that only a handful are capable of. Genius.

THIS WEEK: TOM HOWARD Contributor and Philosopher

Two Headed Boy - Neutral Milk Hotel

M u s i c 39 FRANZ FERDINAND Walk Away Domino Records

The latest offering from You Could Have It So Much Better breaks away from their typical 'music to make girls dance' sound. As melancholy as they are ever likely to get, Franz still retain their numerous charms.

7/10 PA

SYSTEM OF A DOWN Hypnotize Colombia

The first single from the second of the companion albums released by SOAD this year. The first album was Mesmerize. This one is Hypnotize.

They still don’t know how to spell yet. The song itself: a diluted version of how incredible they used to be. Kinda like a pissed-off small child dragging his heels behind his rock star mother. 4/10 CG

THE SUBWAYS No Goodbyes

Infectious Records

A tantalizing pop-dashed slab of indie, whose fresh acoustic strummings and striking yet effortless harmonies will no doubt make it contagious to their ever-growing fan base.

7/10 WS

JACK JOHNSON Sitting Waiting Wishing Universal

Such sweet melancholia. Jack Johnson is quite the musical masseur. Needless to say he has produced his usual with thudding predictability (a soothing acoustic ditty on unrequited love). One for the lesbian tea-drinkers. 5/10 WP

THE GLITTERATI Back In Power Atlantic

Perfect for any indie night. Sharp guitars and lines you can shout along to. You’re more likely to pick this up for the busty woman on the cover than for the CD itself. 6/10 HT

TWO GALLANTS Las Cruces Jail Saddle Creek

A ruddy bloody good stomp from these two James Joyce referencing, blues-rock-peddling San-Fran’ friends. Their passionate drawls weave intricate tales. 8/10 HS

40

De lt a

Music

Beginners’ Guide

I

F BLUES is the backbone of modern rock music, then Delta Blues is the vertebrae (so we’re all in agreement, that’s a bad analogy). Originating in the Mississippi Delta, hence the name, it is blues at its rawest.

Usually consisting of only a guitar and vocals, it is emotion distilled more than the whiskey which fuels it. Lyrically we can expect cheating women, temptation by the devil and the suffering of the Deep South workers. At its best it’s a direct link to the soul, at its worst it’s repetitive, self-indulgent rubbish. The first recordings in the early 1920s are grainy to say the least but radiate more emotion than the entirety of a James Blunt album. It developed out of the repetitive chants of slave workers, and further than that to Africa, and traditional music older than time itself (well… maybe that’s too far).

Without Blues there’d have been no Rolling Stones, no Led Zeppelin, no Good Charlotte…

Hmmm.

William Hitchins

5

MUDDY WATERS

Feel like going Home The album that made me fall in love with the genre: raw, passionate, perfect. When I first heard Walking Blues here, I wept.

SKIP JAMES

genre. Almost certainly the most influential of all the Delta Blues artists, living a life of hard liqueur and cold women.

COREY HARRIS

me Beco ert p an ex £50 with

The Complete Early Recordings Skip James has the most haunting voice in all the blues, not for the faint hearted. Devil Got My Women is an undoubted classic.

ROBERT JOHNSON

King of the Delta Blues Singers Only two photographs of this man exist, making him a legend in the

Bl ue s

Mississippi to Mali Seen as the current hope of American Blues, although not strictly a Delta musician, this album tries to trace the origin of the blues by fusing it with traditional African music.

JOHN LEE HOOKER

The Gold Collection Toe-tapping aplenty with a constant, thumping beat underneath. The soulful, heartbreaking vocals on tracks such as My First Wife Left Me rival any in the blues.

FIVE ARE-LIVE ...

The top five gigs you’d be a numpty to miss...

When: Thursday 24th November Who: Faithless Where: Cardiff Int. Arena

Glow sticks ahoy, Maxi Jazz and posse bound into Cardiff ensuring bizarre dancing, sweaty arse cracks and sore heads. A must in other words.

When: Friday 25th November Who: Alkaline Trio/Test Icicles Where: Bristol Carling Academy If the moody pop-punk Trio weren’t enough to tempt you out of town, the addition of Test Icicles to the equation will ensure a sell-out night.

When: Saturday 26th November Who: Forward Russia!

Where: Barfly Latest scuzzy offering from Leeds’ burgeoning ‘New Yorkshire’ scene. In other news, the real ‘New Yorkshire’ has been discovered in a bagel shop in Barnsley in a drawer labelled puddings.

When: Sunday 27th November Who: Prodigy Where: Cardiff Int. Arena Flint were shit weren’t they?

Thankfully, Keith Flint and his motley

crew of hard-rocking dance anthem mongers have reunited behind their greatest hits collection and are set to wreak havoc on the CIA. When: Friday 25th November Who: Ian Brown Where: The Great Hall I know a boy called Ian Brown: he got teased at school for being in the Stone Roses when he actually plays the drums quite well and enjoys long walks, but thats incidental. Expect the monkey man to be on top of his game tonight though.

Film

ROTTEN = TIMBERLAKE

If you were Johnny Rotten who would you think could play him in a film?

Sid Vicious had Gary Oldman, a worthy imitator indeed. Mr Lydon? “I want Justin Timberlake.” Apparently he’s the sort of bloke who would work really, really hard. Yeah, sure that’s the reason.

BLOOMING HOLMES

Pregnant Katie Holmes has apparently left her latest production, Shame on You with Dennis Quaid to prepare herself for the sprog she is soon to drop with old man fiance Tom Cruise.

Film News

GHOSTBUSTERS RETURN

ROSS-ON-PEGG

Simon Pegg is starring in a new comedy with David Schwimmer in the cast of Big Nothing, directed by JeanBaptiste Andrea.

This is still very much in the ‘rumour’ stage but word on the net is that Ben Stiller is to join Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis, Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd in a third Ghostbusters film; to be called Ghostbusters in Hell.

ROMERO DRIVES A BUICK

Romero has agreed to direct A Buick 8, adapted from Stephen King’s novel.

It stars a supernatural car; sounds like Christine to us.

SILENCE FOR SCORSESE

Martin Scorsese is planning a Japanese adaptation which tells the tale of two 17th Century Portugese missionaries who return to Japan to minister outlawed Christians.

SUGARLAND EXPRESS AGAIN

Spielberg has announced he is to remake his second film, Sugarland Express because, well, he can.

M ORE

21 11 05

film@gairrhydd.com

Rumours

With Harry Potter and Narnia in the pipeline somehow we’re not bored of kids’ fantasy just yet. But then there is still time

Kids’ fantasy

Believe it or not films have not actually been that bad at the moment, thus rendering us with not much to say

Nothing

L ESS

" Unleashed !

Out on DVD this week: Out Now - Millions !" " The Sting SE Garbo: The Siganture Coll !"

Out at cinemas this fortnight: Harry Potter ! Flightplan ! " The Libertine !" " Factotum Exorcism of Emily Rose !"

41

film@gairrhydd

By Catherine Gee Film Editor

O

ver the course of the week I’ve seen a lot of films thanks to the Cardiff Screen Festival.

This particular year they have chosen to showcase some films that fit into the ‘Gay and Lesbian’ genre.

Some of these can be catagorised as either ‘crossover’ or just films with gay people in them but some do seek to make a fully ‘gay’ film.

Now I tend to subscribe to the school of thought that suggests that if a film is designed to appeal to one gender only then it is near enough guaranteed to be utter shit. I’m talking your classic chick/dick flicks here. And I don’t see why ‘Gay’ films should be any different. All it usually amounts to is too many hormones going in the wrong direction.

For example, something along the lines of having a particular gender, or in this case, lifesyle choice, shoved into your face purely as a celebration that it is in existence. Hence a ‘Gay’ film which features little else than screaming queens in tight T-shirts spending all their time either dancing to Abba or cottaging. No doubt they’ll delight many of their fans who are feeling a bit underrepresented, but it ain’t necessarily going to add up to a good film.

Thing is, normally the ‘one gender’ films are the mainstream ones and the indie flicks are the more innovative and inspiring of the bunch. But I guess with their guaranteed audience it don’t really matter.

Bob Hoskins One of the most underrated actors of a generation.

Starring in the new film Mrs Henderson Presents where he not only loses his famous cockney accent in favour of a posh one but he gets naked as well. He makes a brilliant Smee too...

42

Film

By Catherine Gee Film Editor

I

t’s happened, he’s arrived. Potter is back for the fourth time and it’s all change at Hogwarts.

All of a sudden the kids have begun to notice each other. In that way. Yes, the rude way. Watch out mums and dads, there may be some hopeful glances and sexual tension in this flick. Hermione has not only turned into something of a hottie but we also have to contend with the casting of brand new hotties in the characters of Fleur Delacour, Cho Chang, Victor Krum and Cedric Diggory. That’s potentially one rather titillating night out, but fear not folks; it’s still a family film.

Now that he’s the grand old age of 14, Harry has to battle with a whole new evil: girls. The Yule Ball is coming up and he has to find a girl to ask and then get her to say yes. And does he manage it? Of course not, he is a boy after all and them being not wonderfully great at ‘getting things done’ he and Ron get stuck with two girls whom they have not even a passing interest in.

To find the girl to play the character of Harry’s crush, Cho Chang, the filmmakers trawled through 5,000 potential actresses and came up with the one with the least acting experience of all. That being none. Not a scrap.

But she must have been doing something right. The role went to 18-yearold Katie Leung and very nice she looks too.

Another change that’s been made for the fourth film is the hiring of a British director. Yes, really. After three films using an American and then a Mexican the powers-that-be finally decided to use a homegrown man to make the homegrown films. And this ain’t just any British director. Oh no, we have the only man who’s been smart enough to cast Johnny Depp and Al Pacino in the same film (Donnie Brasco). Yes, really. He also made the it’s-cool-to-slag-it-off-but-you-

know-you-like-it-really Four Weddings and a Funeral.

In other words, this is not just a kids’ film. It has not been made to imitate a normal kids’ film and it’s also been giving the rating of 12A. Meaning that it’s not necessarily appropriate for anyone who isn’t in the beginnings of puberty thanks to some fast paced, violent and genuinely frightening sequences.

New editions to the cast include some the finest of the cream of the acting crop. The wonderful Miranda Richardson is cast as nosy reporter Rita Skeeter, the woman who takes it upon herself to prove to the world that Harry Potter is an attention-seeking fraud. Richardson you may know from such programmes as Blackadder (where she played the squeaky Elizabeth I), and Sleepy Hollow. It’s also about time someone from Only Fools and Horses was cast in a Harry Potter film and the lucky actor is Roger Lloyd Pack (Trigger), taking on the role of Ministry of Magic bigwig, Barty Crouch.

As scary Lord Voldemort (which must have been truly difficult to cast) is Ralph “Rayff” Fiennes, for whom they used an impressively small amount of make up. Instead of relying on mammoth amounts of CGI to make him look frightening, minimal amounts of prosthetics were used to give him a translucent pallor and evillooking veins. It’s up to Ralph to do the rest of the job.

Rather than playing inter-house Quidditch games this year, Harry finds himself nominated for the Triwizard Tournament. An ancient tradition which is so dangerous it hasn’t been played for over 100 years.

It’s gonna be dark and it’s gonna be violent and it should keep the children’s fantasy enthusiasts occupied until the release of the Chronicles of Narnia, at any rate.

Goblet of Fire review Page 41

Film

L-R Emma Watson, Da The main trio of magic niel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint three stars have improvcrime fighters, Hermione, Harry and Ron. All Philosopher’s Stone. Frieed beyond recognition since The ularly combined to figh nds since their first year, the three have reg t the dark forces which over the school. continually try to take

Matthew Lewis as Neville Despite the fact that Neville is supposed to be a fatty, Lewis is still a firm Potter favourite. Like Harry he also lost his parents to Voldemort.

Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy This 18-year-old chap has turned into quite the stud since he first began back in 2001. Malfoy is Harry’s main antagonist. and his father, Lucius, is one of Voldemort’s followers.

Clémence Poésy as Fleur Delacour The student from the French school, Beauxbatons chosen to take part in the Triwizard Tournament. And she’s actually a real life French.

Robert Pattinson as Cedric Diggory Cedric is the Hogwarts proper nominee for the Triwizard Tournament. He’s the public schoolcome-hero head boy who gets to take Cho to the Yule Ball. Girls will fancy him.

Definately.

Stanislav Ianevski as Victor Krum Rugged-looking Bulgarian, Ianevski was discovered at his British boarding school and asked to audition for Victor. He doesn’t say much.

Katie Leung as Cho Chang Despite having no acting experience Leung was picked from 5,000 auditionees to play the role of Harry’s love interest. She doesn’t get to kiss him, though she does get to cry dramatically.

43

Michael Gambon as Dumbledore Everyone’s favourite grown up wizard. The only person (apart from Harry) that the evil Lord Voldemort is scared of. The Big Dog at Hogwarts.

Miranda Richardson as Rita Skeeter Writer for the Daily Prophet, hell bent on making Harry look like a deceptive little attention-seeker.

Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldemort There are no pictures of Ralph in character anywhere so have a butchers at Ralph au natural instead

Brendan Gleeson as Mad-Eye Moody Acclaimed Irish actor plays accomplished auror gone a bit batty.

44

Film

What do you mean no first class upgrade?

A

FLIGHTPLAN Dir: Robert Schwentke Starring: Jodie Foster, Peter Sarsgaard, Sean Bean

THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE Dir: Scott Derrickson Starring: Tom Wilkinson, Laura Linney

Dir: Laurence Dunmore Starring: Johnny Depp, Rosamund Pike

Out 25/11, 98 mins

Out 25/11, 119 mins

Out 18/11, 114 mins

eronautics expert Kyle Pratt (Foster) boards a plane with her seven-year-old daughter Julia (Marlene Lawston). Pratt awakes to find her daughter is missing, with no-one acknowledging Julia’s existence. It doesn’t help that everyone around her thinks she is losing her mind.

Inspired by Alfred Hitchcock's The Lady Vanishes, this is a fairly deft and uneasy psychological thriller, set in the somewhat claustrophobic environment of a plane.

It exemplifies how a taut airline thriller should be made, unlike the recent Craven mess that is Red Eye. Foster does justice to her character playing Kyle Pratt, an assertive and head-strong mother of one (also see Panic Room), and delivers a performance with a realistic distress and urgency that is truly palpable.

At first, the plot sways towards the consensus that she is mentally disturbed, and that in reality her child is dead, feelings replicated when the flight crew condemn her to be restrained in her seat.

In spite of this, as with all Hitchcockian thrillers, the audience isn't sure either way, through false leads and post 9/11 paranoia viewing the Arab flyers as suspicious. Fincheresque credits along with the films slick blue hue aesthetic give Flightplan high levels of stylism.

Ryan Owen

E

mily Rose (Jennifer Carpenter) is attacked by demonic forces, leaving her on the brink of insanity. Father Moore performs an exorcism resulting in her death and is trialled for negligent homicide. His defence comes in the form of atheist lawyer Erin Bruner (Laura Linney) who claims that Emily was not mentally ill, but possessed by a demon.

This is not another Exorcist or stereotypical demonic possession film; instead it is a mix of court room drama with flashbacks of the exorcism that questions the things that can't be explained. As Exorcism films go this is more drama than horror letting this story reign rather than style.

The acting flows well with Carpenter and Linney delivering an admirable performance throughout.

Authenticity rules, but there lies the problem; fact-based films aren’t always interesting. Another problem is the lazy direction, by not having a sense of where the story wanted to go and also relying too much on audience interaction. The result of the trial certainly wasn't the bigee we were waiting for, and so the decision comes as an anti-climax.

When the trial is over, expectant demon-visits to Erin don't happen and the film just ends with those silly posted facts at the end. But then again, it never tried to be anything it wasn't.

Ryan Owen

THE LIBERTINE

J

ohnny Depp stars as John Wilmot, aka the Earl of Rochester, a 17th Century poet who famously drank and debauched his way to an early grave, only to earn posthumous critical acclaim for his life's work.

Ladies; here is Johnny Depp at his best. Intense, and compelling would be an understatement as Depp depicts the latter stages in the life of the somewhat wayward Earl.

Beginning his monologue as the Earl of Rochester with "You will not like me," to the very end of his epilogue where he asks "How do you like me now?" he impeccably captures the essence of a man who despised life, drank profusely, seduced women, condescended everyone from the King to his mother, and preferred to have his portrait done with a monkey rather than his wife.

Hmmm. So is there much to like, right? On the contrary. Mixed with his utter disrespect for life was his charm, his wit, his irresistibility, and his desire to do whatever he pleased.

As such, I had conflicting feelings of hatred, pity, love and admiration for Rochester due, entirely, to Depp's performance.

As Rochester's fatal disease begins to take it's toll, he transforms into a creature almost too unbearable to look at. You will weep and shudder at the same time.

Ryan Owen

FACTOTUM Dir: Brent Hamer Starring: Lili Taylor, Marisa Tomei, Matt Dillon

MRS HENDERSON PRESENTS Dir: Stephen Frears Judi Dench, Bob Hoskins, Will Young

F

Susan Kennedy

B

e warned if you’re going to see this film. Amongst all the pretty naked ladies Stephen Frears has also managed to sneak in Bob Hoskins’ todger.

Those who can handle such exposure will surely be letting themselves in for a treat. Director Frears (of Dirty Pretty Things, High Fidelity and The Grifters fame) has gone and done it again with this delightful all-singing, all-dancing comedy-drama.

Set during World War Two, it tells the real life story of Mrs Henderson who, after the death of her husband, decides that 69 is simply too young to stop having fun so she buys a theatre and hires Hoskins to run it for her. The two manage to make both the best and worst team, taunting and ridiculing each other whilst simultaneously dreaming up inspired ideas.

When the theatre begins to fail, Mrs Henderson decides to use naked girls to bring back the audiences. The Lord Chamberlain, so taken aback, decides to let this go ahead so long as the girls remain motionless, as if they are imitating art.

Also starring Will Young in what is, although a small role, clearly what he was born to do, never has there been a better example of someone being born seventy years too late.

Being set during the war it also deals with the immediate effects of the London Blitz sensitively yet with spirit, touting themselves as the theatre that never closed. Frears has come up trumps once again.

Catherine Gee

45

STONED Dir: Stephen Woolley Starring: Leo Gregory, Paddy Considine, David Morrissey

Out Now, 110 mins

Out Now, 93 mins

or those who don’t know, a factotum is the less common word for ‘helper’ or ‘odd job man’ which is essentially what the character in this film is.

Matt Dillon stars in this adaptation of cult writer Charlie Bukowski’s second novel which tells the story of his alter ego Henry Chinaski. Essentially telling the story of a man who is continously striving and milling away at the grindstone only for his hard work to be washed away by sex, drugs and other debauched fun.

The main message of the story is simply, never let the man get you down. Though may he never keep his job and there’s little but his ‘hobbies’ to sustain his interest he continues to plough away with his idiosyncracies.

Dillon has always been very accomplished at ‘doing’ deadpan. The sort of humour that usually goes down rather well over here. Here he shines at his most subdued, helped along the way by steady support from Tomei and Taylor.

We are treated to Chinaski’s eccentric stories about the oddball people he meets and the experiences he has as though he were buttering a slice of toast.

To Bukowski fans it may seem like Dillon just can’t do Chinaski justice, but when you’re so familiar with a character it often seems that no actor ever will match up to the one created inside one’s own imagination. But it’s still worth a whirl as you won’t see another film so soaked in booze anytime soon.

Film

Out Now, 102 mins

B

rian Jones, who apparently was not only famous but bonkers, co-founded the Rolling Stones. Now, I don’t wish to plead philistine, but all I know of the man is that one day in 1969, two weeks after leaving the band, he suspiciously fell into a swimming pool and stayed at the bottom.

Although the film’s tagline, ‘The Wild and Wicked World of Brian Jones’ sounds very exciting, Brian Jones (played here by some spunky and dynamic fellow called Leo Gregory) isn’t a witch or anything. In fact, he’s an oddly-haired, muscled sort of chap, and often wanders around with his willy out, rather-tooobviously proclaiming that this film is an ‘honest biopic’ by a director who has seemingly obsessed over the rights to make it for ten years.

Yet unfortunately we don’t really get a chance to acquaint ourselves with the real Brian Jones; partly because he is dead and partly because his on-screen characterisation seems to omit the ‘why’ and simply chronicles the ‘what’. And what indeed would a young man in a very famous band do? He’d get naked, boff a load of girls and an occasional man, smash some drugs into his face and then die. Suspiciously.

Still, Wooley’s film manages to highlight its scaffold of meticulous research and his flair for swinging 60s visuals and acid-crazed montages, but I can’t be sure that it really works. For a film dealing with such a ubiquitous band, perhaps it summarises the entire venture when you take note that only three Stones songs are present and that of these, none feature the charismatic lyrical assassination of one (weirdly-faced) Michael Jagger. Aren’t bohemian flowers altogether beautiful? Not really mate. They’re actually a bit poo.

Ralph Phillips

FACTOTUM: Tomei and Dillon. In a bar.

46

Film HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE Dir: Mike Newell Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint Out Now, 157 mins

N

ew dangers are afoot at Hogwarts this year. The Triwizard Tournament has come to town, which is like an inter-school sports day, except that students risk their lives battling dragons and finding the means to breathe underwater so they can rescue their drowing friends. Yep, they can actually die in these games. But all’s fair in love and wands.

Students from the all-girls Beauxbatons Academy from France and the all-boys Durmstrang school invade Hogwarts for the competition.

Each student over the age of 17 is permitted to submit their name in the goblet of fire, with the final competitors being chosen at a later date. One is picked from each school; three competitors in total.

Except... the Goblet spits out a fourth name: Harry Potter. Harry is rather pertubed by this given that he did not enter and, at 14, is well under the age limit. Ron subsequently begins giving him the cold shoulder being sick to the back teeth of his friend robbing all the attention.

Understandably, Harry is terrified

“There’s an evil wizard lord after me” “What Jeffrey Archer?”

Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter which is not helped by the lack of support from his fellow students (exemplified by the wearing of badges bearing the legend “Potter stinks.”)

This is the film where the young actors are truly allowed to come into their own. By and large the days of awkward child actor performances are gone. Daniel Radcliffe has been put in a situation where he has to act his socks off or die trying. And most of the time he pulls it off.

Anyone who’s read the book will be well aware of just how much there is to be packed into one film and as a result anything that is not a vital part of the central plot has been scrapped.

That means Hermione’s ‘Free the House Elves’ campaign is gone along with the Dursleys, Mrs Weasley and even Sirius Black, who only makes a brief appearance as part of a fireplace.

The first half hour is somewhat rushed through, though not to the point of the film’s detriment. As soon as the stride is found it’s fun all the way. The action sequences are breathtaking and can be painfully violent at times. Remaining consistently dark and sinister there is not a moment of boredom.

The impressive underwater scenes, the battles with fearsome dragons and the mystery of how this sequence of events came about all leads up to one huge, climactic ending.

Happy Potter and the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Flying Daggers (Book Eight) Harry’s confrontation with Voldemort would keep any retina glued to the screen whilst simultaneously drawing tears thanks to its incredible intensity. Ralph Fiennes surpasses all expectations with his performance as Potter’s arch nemesis which could keep many an adult awake at night with his unmerciful, taunting actions.

It almost seems a shame that the film couldn’t have been longer than its two and a half hours to give the underdeveloped bits a chance. The visiting Triwizard champions Victor Krum and Fleur Delacour are given approximately seven lines between them. We are never given a chance to get to know them or fully understand why Hermione and Ron are so taken with them.

In all, this isn’t a film to take small children to. Not unless you want to take home a whimpering soppy wreck by the end, anyway. This is scary, grown up stuff that is perfect for escapism. You never know, it may even convert a few non-believers too.

Catherine Gee

Film

47

F F U T S F R E E The Collection: Shakespeare DVD box set More competitons for you, my poppets. This fortnight we’ve got some brain food to give away in the shape of five, yes five, Shakespeare films all in one handy box. Taming of the Shrew, King Lear, Macbeth, Henry V and Hamlet all together in one steaming hot collection. It stars such people as Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Robbie Coltrane, Judi Dench, Our Kenneth and many many more. For your chance to win just answer this one very simple question: What was Shakespeare’s first name? a) Stanley b) Arthur c) William If you know the answer then drop us an email to film@gairrhydd.com Good Luck.

Kenneth

Closing date: December 5

The DVDon

Reviews you can’t refuse MILLIONS, Out Now A heist goes wrong when a bag bursting with £229,320 inexpicably falls from the sky into the hands of two kids. Unfortunately the British government then decides to convert to the Euro in seven days and the countdown is on to make the most of it while they still can.

The director of acclaimed drug abuse and rage-driven films grabs this clever story idea then gives us a masterclass in Burton-like storytelling. Ryan Owen The Don Says: “I once had a million pounds but someone tried to take it away. I cut off his leg and fed it to him.”

UNLEASHED, Out Now Unleashed is an enthralling action film written by Luc Besson (Leon) and directed by Louis Leterrier (The Transporter). Set in Glasgow, Bart

(Bob Hoskins) is an occasional gangster, who collects debts with the threat of Danny the Dog. His dog happens to be Jet Li who wears a metal collar keeping him passive, and if the debtors pay the collar stays on, if they don’t the collar comes off and Danny is unleashed.

Danny’s owners are left for dead, and he finds solace with blind pianotuner Sam (Morgan Freeman) who teaches him the ways of the piano and the more subtle nuances of life kept from him by the fevered Bob Koskins. Unleashed is a fusion of highly stylized fight scenes with a masterful blend of delightful performances, a dramatic script and jarring visuals. Ryan Owen The Don Says: “I once unleashed my penis in church one Sunday. Father McNeill complained so I pistolwhipped the sonnofabitch. Then he gave me all the communion wine, which I sold for a large sum of money.”

BAD SANTA rel. 25th November Seeing this film at Christmas probably influenced my response to it but the film for all its shortcommings in dialogue and transparent plot amused me.

A booze-crazed Santa, an evil midget whose name I forget, a grandma with a penchant for sandwich making and some dorkey kid who we

all feel sorry for. The film predictably runs towards its predetermined feel good ending but who can blame it?

I’m a closet fan who’s not ashamed to jump out of it. Matt Turtle The Don Says: “I saw Mummy sucking Santa Claus. It was traumatic. I kicked his ass. It was my father.”

THE CANNELONI SPECIAL FANTASTIC FOUR Out Now

I

oan Gruffudd leads a group of astronauts on a space mission that goes awry and leaves one invisible and hot (an unfortunate combination), one as a pouty rock, and one as a sneering, idiot fratboy.

The not-inevitably-titled Victor Von Doom (professional Australian Julian Macmahon) tries to destroy them, leading to inevitable aren’t we all heroes, especially NY fire fighters, moment. The result is a superheroes-by-numbers flick made out of the plot ideas that didn’t even make the cut in Electra. If someone you know is considering buying this DVD and contributing to the likelihood of a sequel, they should be stopped at all costs. Andrew Mickel The Don Says: “Not real Italian canneloni the way mamma used to make it. Dolmio have a lot to answer for. And they will.”

48

Digital

digital@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05

Sequel spectacular SERIOUS SAM 2 2K Games PC, XB

Disappointing

F

or those readers who aren’t familiar with Sam’s previous vest-clad shenanigans, Serious Sam was an instant hit on the PC several years ago. A debut game from Croatian developers Cro-team, it dispensed with cumbersome features such as plot and focussed instead on the serious business of shooting things.

Harking back to the days of Space Invaders, the gamer’s task was to defeat wave after wave of well conceived increasingly ridiculous enemies with equally ludicrous weaponry (including, memorably, a hand held 17th century cannon). It was brilliant.

Sadly, SS2 doesn’t measure up to

A giant spider (Yawn) its predecessor. Inexplicably a truly appalling storyline has been added involving protecting ugly blue men who irritatingly are immune to Sam’s arsenal of weaponry. Speaking of which, rather than the normal, satisfying, slow progression up the chain of more powerful weapons, SS2 hands you the full collection of badly designed crap at the outset: none of which is inventive or funny enough to grab your attention (rocket launcher- check, shotgun - check, depressingly zany

homing parrot – check).

Equally, the truly unique enemies from the first game have been replaced with a cast of chunky, badly animated meandering dunderheads who frustratingly evaporate into two chunks of meat and some red mist when shot with any weapon. Add to this a generous sprinkling of jumping puzzles, enraging sound effects and jagged polygons and you’ve got one of the worst first-person-shooters money can buy. Sam Curtis

CALL OF DUTY 2 Activision PC, X360

Your war film quote here FOR THOSE OF you who heeded the call first time around, the basic format of this Second World War FPS remains essentially unchanged. You are again deployed on the frontline of a series of historical military campaigns and plunged straight into battle for King, country, motherland and Führer.

As you cautiously peek over your trench, the updated graphics engine becomes immediately evident; swathes of high resolution infantrymen charge across the African desert through a maelstrom of artillery shells and machine gun fire only to disappear in a cloud of sand and smoke; an epic scene indeed.

COD2: The truly terrifying beach landing level Crank up the volume and you’ll find these visual treats are accompanied by an equally stunning soundtrack.

Keep your head up for too long however and an enemy sniper will soon deposit a bullet in your face, and this is where COD2 really comes into its own. Quake-style charging into a room guns blazing and laughing maniacally will get you nowhere. Choosing your

moments carefully and making those shots count will ultimately bring the boys home.

With an equally impressive multiplayer option on top of the ten extensive solo missions and an imminent release for Xbox 360, you can be sure that if you sign up now it most certainly wont all be over by Christmas.

Nick Jenkins

CASTLEVANIA: DAWN OF SORROW Konami DS

The Sims A-Partying

D i g i t a l 49

Vun! Vun Genre-Busting Platformer! A-A-A-A! DRACULA IS DEAD. Not just undead but proper bona-fide kicked the bucket, pushing up daisies dead. His son Soma, however, is still alive. Having already decided in the GBA’s Aria of Sorrow not to follow in his father’s footsteps, he relinquishes a life of general evil doings and now unwittingly becomes the target of a cult who intends to resurrect Dracula by killing him. Thus, the stage is set for another Konami gothic masterpiece.

Its GBA predecessors are the model from which this is traced, with their familiar blend of excellent platforming action and distilled RPG elements. Obligations to the DS’s unique input system are relegated to the drawing of magical spells that mostly make hard boss battles even harder.

The double-edged sword of free roaming means castle exploration can occasionally teeter into frustration, but the precise control, cathartic action and drip-fed special abilities provide enough encouragement to progress.

Dawn of Sorrow is a seamless extension to the Castlevania franchise: complex, undeniably pretty and enjoyable. It’s an ode to the 2D brilliance of its own history, but one that will hopefully herald the prospect of future renovation. Simon Ward Soma in action

THE SIMS 2 EA PC, XB, PS2, GC, GBA, DS, PSP

Now with added ageing THE APPEAL OF the Sims games is an odd one; most of the time you’re not really doing anything special (eating, drinking, sleeping etc.). The fact is though that it’s a hugely fun game.

It’s easy to derive hours of entertainment out of leading your little suburb dwellers through their everyday lives. Fans of the original Sims game can rest assured that there are enough new features to make this sequel a good step up from its predecessor.

ULTIMATE SPIDERMAN Activision GBA, DS, GC, PC, PS2,XB

Does whatever a spider can

All Games provided by CEX next to Cardiff Station. The place to buy, sell or exchange games and gadgets

HOW DOES ULTIMATE Spider-Man compare to the other most recent game in the franchise, Spider-Man 2?

Whereas the latter based itself on the movie adaptations this game emulates the comics of Stan Lee et al.

This is most noticable in the graphics, which are not dissimilar to 2003’s XIII, with its cartoon-like characters and segmented storyboard cut scenes.

At the same time Ultimate Spidey does display elements of realism in its setting as you swing your way through the streets of New York.

Firstly, the game is split into two modes, the classic free play mode of the first game and new story mode.

The main effect of this is that this now allows the player to directly control a single sim.

Other additions, such as more indepth social interaction, an increased number of items you can buy and varied locations mean that the player simply has more to do and play around with than before. The problem? Well The Sims 2 is a great game but it’s a great PC game and doesn’t transfer to the PS2 well. You find the trusty playstation controller that’s so perfect for shooting, driving and generally blowing things up suddenly becomes frustratingly awkward.

The game also suffers from long, slow loading periods that you don’t expect with modern games. The Sims 2 isn’t one to avoid but if you have the choice, buy the PC version. Si Truss However, it’s lacking what I felt was one of the best features of SpiderMan 2: The inclusion of recognisable landmarks (jumping from the very top of the Empire State building is something that is guaranteed to cause your testicles to recede).

USM gives you the chance to switch between the hero (Spidey) and villain (Venom – he’s the one that looks like the purple sweets in Quality Street). Although the voice acting can be somewhat annoying and the swinging between buildings can become frustrating, particularly with the Venom character, USM is great webslinging fun. Luke Pavey

Books WORD:

Japanese. Fiction. Rules. As implied by the slightly rubbish headline to the right. And, this week, we bring you a shining example of it, in the form of Haruki Murakami’s latest, Kafka On The Shore, before looking at the man himself next issue. Keeping with the whole ‘translated fiction’ vibe, we’ve also got Windows On The World; Frederic Beigbeder’s award winning look at 9/11 , Bob Dylan’s ‘lost in the vaults’ Tarantula, Giles Coren’s wonderful Winkler, and, finally, A History Of Violence... enjoy!

books@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05

50

Japan-tastic

KAFKA ON THE SHORE Haruki Murakami Vintage Paperbacks

Huge tenth novel proper from Japanese master. It’s really good.

“SOMETIMES FATE is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing direction. You change direction, but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts." And so begins Murakami’s tenth novel, which will, over the course of its 437 pages, deal with (amongst other things) UFOs, patricide, World War Two, other dimensions, spirit projection, talking cats and the state of contemporary Japan (phew).

The plot is a two-stranded beast, the first of which is concerned with the life of Kafka Tamura. Wise beyond his years and rigorously self-disciplined, he runs away from home on his fifteenth birthday, as he had planned for two years. Following a discussion with the mysterious “boy named Crow” and the ominous mention of an ‘omen’ ("You have to be the toughest 15-year-old on the planet", Crow intones), he leaves Tokyo and his father, finding himself on the island of Shikoku, where he eventually finds residence and refuge in an old library, ran by the enigmatic Miss Saeki, who he believes may be his mother.

Meanwhile, back in Tokyo, an old man named Nakata is searching for Goma, a tortoise shell cat. When Nakata was a child during the Second World War, he was involved in an incident in rural Shikoku when he and his classmates were out picking mush-

JAPAN: It’s really pretty rooms in the woods. His teacher saw what she assumed was an American B29, before the children collectively and simultaneously fainted, waking up shortly afterwards with no memory of what had happened to them. All, that is, except for Nakata, who was in a coma for three weeks, only to wake up "as someone not very bright, but with the ability to talk to cats".

“

One of the finest novels to be released this year Kafka On The Shore is a vast, beautifully written book, and full of characters that, while not entirely believable, make for highly interesting reading. Along Kafka’s quest, he meets the warm and sexually frank hairdresser Sakura, and Oshima, an ambiguously gendered librarian. And as Nakata slowly realises he is being hunted by the terrifying Johnnie Walker (who masochistically kills cats in order to make flutes from their souls), he meets Hoshino, a dropout truck driver who makes for a charming depiction of everyman Japan. Not to mention the “conceptual, metaphysical concept” who takes the form of KFC’s Colonel Sanders...

Murakami’s usual predilections for

food, sex, and music shine through in this story, which is ultimately concerned with fate, and explores this theme with a dream-like narrative brimming with enigmas and puzzles.

In fact, if there is one criticism that could be levelled at him, it’s his tendency to answer questions with more questions; for instance, we never really gain an insight into what happened that afternoon in the woods when Nakata was picking mushrooms, or why it happened. And there is the issue of Kafka’s parentage – is Miss Saeki (whose 15-year-old ghost he falls in love with) really his mother?

And what happened between him and his father, that resulted in an omen being placed upon him? Is his father Johnnie Walker? It is when branching out into this strange, Lynchian territory that Murakami, although compulsive, disappoints slightly in his failure to address these points.

This, however, is a relatively minor point given the essential readability of this book; in terms of pacing and fleshing out his story, this ranks up there with his very best, and his prose (translated by Philip Gabriel) is fluid almost to the point of being hypnotic. Perhaps not his masterpiece then, but without a doubt one of the finest novels to be released this year.

And a damn addictive one too.

James Skinner

51

Books WINDOWS ON THE WORLD Frederic Beigbeder Harper Perennial

Award-winning French novel dealing with the 9/11 attacks

T

his is the first novel to tackle the controversial subject of September 11, the day that destroyed America’s faith in its invincibility – and it’s written by a Frenchman.

Although there is generally little love lost between the countries, Beigbeder’s novel is filled with compassion, not only for the victims, but for the uncertainty of America’s future.

The novel presents the two hours it took for the North Tower to fall from the perspective of Carthew Yorston and his two sons trapped in ‘Windows on the World’, a restaurant on the 107th floor. Interwoven with this is the reflective narrative of the author, attempting through travel and interview to understand the unimaginable

pain and fear of the victims.

The use of minutes for chapters lends structure to the otherwise rather chaotic fusion of autobiography, philosophy and realist fiction.

The story of the family trapped within the tower is dealt with sensitively and with considerable emotion, achieving the difficult task of convincingly capturing their growing despair and hellish surroundings. He never attempts to be poetic or heroic, focusing instead on realistic characters.

“

Occasionally frightening, often baffling and once deeply moving The remainder of the novel reads like a disordered mass of theory and thought, with little new being said about America, and with frequent, rather incongruous attempts at black humour. The increasing egocentrism of the autobiographical sections mirrors the representation of America, and especially New York, as insular and arrogant, but essentially vulnerable.

9/11: Memorialised

apulted into instant celebrity following the slaying of two wanted killers at his diner, but soon garners attention from the kind of people he wants to avoid. Tom is a man with a secret, and a crime-ridden past that he hopes will remain buried forever.

Wagner unravels Mckenna's violent past at breakneck pace, taking the reader to the seediest corners of Brooklyn along the way. This proves problematic though, as whilst being an engaging read, Wagner’s lightning quick style stifles any opportunity for dramatic tension, leaving you feeling a little short-changed. A woefully predictable ending adds to the feeling of a missed opportunity.

But it’s not all bad. I dont want to pretend that I didn’t enjoy A History Of Violence, because I did. It's a good place to start for anyone wanting to explore graphic novels and provides entertaining, mindless fun whilst managing to (nearly) bridge the gap between crime fiction and comic books.

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE John Wagner & Vince Locke Titan Books

Recently adapted for the big screen by David Cronenberg

J

ohn Wagner's graphic novel A History Of Violence is now given a welcome reissue to coincide with David Cronenberg's film adaptation of the same name. Wagner, one of the mainstays of British comics and best known for the creation of satirical anti-hero Judge Dredd, here collaborates with artist Vince Locke (Deadworld).

Prior to tackling A History Of Violence, graphic novels were a form of literature I was unaccustomed to.

This was not a hindrance, though, as from the outset Wagner’s simple, succint style had me thoroughly engaged.

The plot centres on small town America, and local diner owner Tom McKenna. McKenna finds himself cat-

The novel seems to struggle with its own subject; a certain amount of confusion is implied by the rambling consciousness of the author and the portrayal of New York’s postmodern state. Beigbeder invites contradiction and contradicts himself, leaving the subject open and unresolved.

Occasionally frightening, often baffling and once deeply moving, this is a valiant attempt to put into words such a recent tragedy, relying heavily on a clever structure and good ideas, rather than on the quality of their expression.

Helen Thompson

BROOKLYN: Seedy

EJ Price

Televizzle

television@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05

53

Tu n n e l V ision

By TV Gareth Chewing the rat Due to an administrative error (we didn’t check in the Radio Times) TV Desk recently advertised Noel Edmonds’ new show in the wrong week. To rectify this we asked TV Gareth to wax lyrical on the wonders of the former Telly Addicts host

I

have been spending recent weekday afternoons with my surrogate grandfathers Des and Noel. This is clearly not literal, nor does this does mean to say I have been watching some homoerotic/biblical take-off of an ITV daytime blandfest. But rather I have hopped one channel across to enjoy the ultimate quizzing skills of messrs Lynam and Edmonds.

For years Countdown has been the staple of student afternoon televisual viewing but now it is joined by it's younger and more handsome brother, or perhaps evil twin, Deal Or No Deal.

On Countdown, Lynam drawls unfunnily, rigidly and bored like Whiteley's corpse, through number and word puzzles that he clearly has no passion and/or ability for. And then, minutes later, comes Noel 'Entertainment' Edmonds.

Edmonds presents like a man possessed by Mr Blobby's landlocked soul, phatic talk as neatly crafted as his goatee and thoughts of his two divorces and 'Blobbygate' far behind him. Long sleeved, tie-less shirt tucked into his trousers, Edmonds builds up suspense before blowing it down with such pizzaz that any longing for William G. Stewart should be far, far from your thoughts. William G. Stewart never Gotcha'd Barbara Windsor, William G. Stewart never presented Swap Shop and had the pro-

DEAL OR NO DEAL?: Edmonds shows us how much money he lost on Blobbyland fessionalism to ask 'Posh Paws' how his week was, safe in the knowledge 'Posh Paws' wasn't going to answer because he was a stuffed toy dinosaur. Fifteen To One was rubbish anyway. I don't even know if William G. sodding Stewart is dead or not.

“

Your house parties are always an anti-climax and end up with you passed out in your own bed ALONE. Noel's house parties always saw people get gunged.

He wins

I don't think people realise how great a man Edmonds is. He's lived pretty much all of your childhood dreams. He's performed on Top Of The Pops, had a motor racing career driving for Team Ford and has probably had sex with a children's TV presenter. I'm not going to be specific.

Your house parties are always an anticlimax and end up with you passed out in your own bed ALONE. Noel's house parties always saw people get gunged. He wins. Everytime.

A STRANGE LOVE OF NOEL: Or, how we learned to stop worrying and love Mr Blobby

B o o k s 52 WINKLER Giles Coren

Jonathan Cape Debut novel from witty food columnist for the Times, who now gets recognised at GQ Men of the Year parties

D

espite his carefree attitude towards a job he hates, colleagues he despises, a sweaty, foul-mouthed girlfriend who looks like a ‘broad bean’ and everyone else whom he pities, Winkler is a man with an incredibly deep philosophical approach to the world around him.

His obsessive fear of being pushed under a train leads to a detailed list of all objects on the station platform he could cling on to should this nameless, faceless person appear and is presented with a scoring system for their life saving potential - although alongside this phobia of the underground, Winkler fantasises daily about killing others in this way.

TARANTULA Bob Dylan

Harper Perennial

A

Following Winkler from his journey to work (where his enviable “don’t give a fuck” attitude is not just tolerated but rewarded) back to his flat (which smells of “boiled head”), we meet the “Jew who lives under the stairs”. His stories of survival from the Holocaust include torture, gassing children, circumcising Nazis as a form of sadistic small scale revenge, burnings and beheadings disturb Winkler’s already unstable mind further, plunging him into a deeper state of thought and confusion.

“

Winkler rescues a blind girl, and proceeds to masturbate in front of her

His frustration leads him to rescuing a blind girl (then proceeding to masturbate in front of her – an opportunity he apparently could not pass up), killing a fat woman (to “set himself free”), and entangling his life with copious quantities of drugs, drink and kinky sex.

Collected musings and shizzle from manof-the-moment Bob Dylan. Lost since the Sixties, apparently

A

nyone who’s read Chronicles, Bob Dylan’s autobiography, will testify that his prose is every bit as delicately penned as his lyrics. Like Kerouac (a hero of Dylan’s) and all the greatest delta blues singers, he has the knack of using understatement and flippancy to thinly veil the whole spectrum of human emotion, granting lines and phrases a poignancy few writers can lend to entire chapters. It would appear the man can do no wrong.

It’s as if it’s the greatest in-joke you’ll never get So it is with great disappointment that Tarantula - a collection of

BOB DYLAN: Iconic essays, musings and poems – butchers the image of this most sacred of cows. He’s clearly enjoying himself as he plays with the art, embracing surrealist prose, pulling and twisting the words until his sentences are beyond comprehension, but his self-indulgence leaves little for the reader to love. It’s just too cool. It’s cold.

What’s more, it seems so effortlessly cool that it can appear contrived at times. He’s trying too hard to be Rimbaud or Joyce. It’s as if you’ve caught him looking in the mirror just before he sits down for the iconic cover-photo of Highway 61 Revisited.

When he writes "garbage poet from the greyhound circuit & who has a

Although this adequately replaces everything Winkler has lost, it really only serves to cover up a lifetime of emotional pain and the troublesome legacy of his Jewish ancestry. Only once I had finished the book did I realise I had actually enjoyed it – the disturbingly large portion of the novel dealing with murder and torture did dilute the entertainment factor at times, as did the rather excessive use of the ‘c’ word, but if you can overcome this, Winkler certainly makes for a clever and thought-provoking read.

Charlotte White

GILES COREN: Puzzled feeling for the most lost pieces of frost and boast of glass jaw & grandpa playing tiddlywinks & finks in the sinks & the barf…" it’s as if it’s the greatest in-joke you’ll never get.

One can’t help but think that had it not been for the renewed interest in Dylan off the back of Scorcese’s No Direction Home documentary, these pretentious ramblings wouldn't have been re-issued. I would urge anyone not already acquainted with either “And, if you really piss me off, I’ll look at you like this”

Chronicles or his early-to-mid sixties recordings to investigate, but it would probably be best to leave this cynical cash-in to the obsessives and those ‘in-the-know’.

Steve Dunne

Televizzle

television@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05

53

Tu n n e l V ision

By TV Gareth Chewing the rat Due to an administrative error (we didn’t check in the Radio Times) TV Desk recently advertised Noel Edmonds’ new show in the wrong week. To rectify this we asked TV Gareth to wax lyrical on the wonders of the former Telly Addicts host

I

have been spending recent weekday afternoons with my surrogate grandfathers Des and Noel. This is clearly not literal, nor does this does mean to say I have been watching some homoerotic/biblical take-off of an ITV daytime blandfest. But rather I have hopped one channel across to enjoy the ultimate quizzing skills of messrs Lynam and Edmonds.

For years Countdown has been the staple of student afternoon televisual viewing but now it is joined by it's younger and more handsome brother, or perhaps evil twin, Deal Or No Deal.

On Countdown, Lynam drawls unfunnily, rigidly and bored like Whiteley's corpse, through number and word puzzles that he clearly has no passion and/or ability for. And then, minutes later, comes Noel 'Entertainment' Edmonds.

Edmonds presents like a man possessed by Mr Blobby's landlocked soul, phatic talk as neatly crafted as his goatee and thoughts of his two divorces and 'Blobbygate' far behind him. Long sleeved, tie-less shirt tucked into his trousers, Edmonds builds up suspense before blowing it down with such pizzaz that any longing for William G. Stewart should be far, far from your thoughts. William G. Stewart never Gotcha'd Barbara Windsor, William G. Stewart never presented Swap Shop and had the pro-

DEAL OR NO DEAL?: Edmonds shows us how much money he lost on Blobbyland fessionalism to ask 'Posh Paws' how his week was, safe in the knowledge 'Posh Paws' wasn't going to answer because he was a stuffed toy dinosaur. Fifteen To One was rubbish anyway. I don't even know if William G. sodding Stewart is dead or not.

“

Your house parties are always an anti-climax and end up with you passed out in your own bed ALONE. Noel's house parties always saw people get gunged.

He wins

I don't think people realise how great a man Edmonds is. He's lived pretty much all of your childhood dreams. He's performed on Top Of The Pops, had a motor racing career driving for Team Ford and has probably had sex with a children's TV presenter. I'm not going to be specific.

Your house parties are always an anticlimax and end up with you passed out in your own bed ALONE. Noel's house parties always saw people get gunged. He wins. Everytime.

A STRANGE LOVE OF NOEL: Or, how we learned to stop worrying and love Mr Blobby

54

Sport

sport@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05

Scotch eggs Dave Menon wonders how the Scottish Premier League became more thrilling than the Premiership

F

or many years football pundits worldwide have claimed that the English Premiership is undoubtedly the most exciting league in the world. And who could blame them? There have been some magic moments.

Remember when Newcastle blew a 12-point Christmas lead before conceding the title to Manchester United in 1996? Remember Kevin Keegan’s unforgettable "I wud luv it if we beat them" rant on Sky after watching another inept performance from his team? Remember the day in 1995 when Blackburn lifted the Premiership title despite losing to Liverpool 2-1 on the final day? And finally, remember the day when the Premiership title race was a close affair, where a number of teams had a realistic chance of lifting the trophy on a sunny May afternoon?

It seems those good old days have gone for the time being. As the December cold begins to set in, the majority of football fans nationwide have already conceded the title to Chelsea.

However, things have changed north of the border. The Scottish Premier League (SPL) has suddenly become more open than the Premiership. I can hear you thinking

HEADY DAYS AWAY FROM THE PREMIERSHIP: Hearts’ Vladimir Romanov (right) and Steven Pressley tackling Celtic’s John Hartson and Tynecastle (background) "This guy’s having a giraffe; the Premiership is (insert large number here) times better". I can see your point, but things have changed. For the first time in SPL history, there are two genuine non-Glaswegian challengers. Hearts and Hibernian have so far defied the odds and proved that Rangers and Celtic can be beaten.

The Edinburgh clubs have given the SPL a new lease of life which should boost attendances and media coverage. Furthermore, the quality of football should increase because the vast improvement of Hearts and Hibernian will create a greater degree of urgency among the Old Firm ranks.

And, thanks to the antics of Hearts’ Vladimir Romanov and his adventurously named son Roman, there is no shortage of controversy either. As well as the departures of manager George Burley, chairman George Foulkes and chief executive Phil Anderton, the appointment of Graham Rix as Hearts’ new manager has led to a torrent of abuse by fans decrying his history as a sexoffender (Rix slept with a 15-yearold).

In the past the SPL has often been criticised for containing too

many meaningless games. Perhaps the tables have turned and this will no longer be the case. Moreover, interest has also grown in the English Championship. Eight or nine different sides could win promotion to the Premiership every year. This creates a tremendous deal of tension, suspense and drama, which is what football is primarily about.

Although the Premiership has some of the best players in the world, people must remember that football is source of entertainment.

Don't get me wrong, I am a keen admirer of the Premiership. But many people underestimate the entertainment value of the less attractive leagues.

Remember the day when Charlton won promotion to the Premiership in 1998 after beating Sunderland on penalties following an epic 4-4 draw? Remember the day a year later, when Carlisle goalkeeper Jimmy Glass scored in the last minute to keep his side in the Football League.? And finally, take note of the day when the SPL suddenly became wide open. While the Premiership is staying still, the SPL and the Championship are moving in the right direction.

Where Gods and monsters are equally regarded as tossers...

Vinyl

21 11 05

Resting

with Bastian Springs

55

Place

Y Bastian Springs ...But Seriously

o! How’s it going this week? Boy-howdy it’s hard work trying to actively like my sister debate the qualities of fine music with common or garden buggers a metaphorical That’s 5.

Maroon are them of two and year a who buy three albums identical conversation downhill mosey down Greenwich Park in comparison to having an ng SERIOUS MUSIC with bloodstained, frothing-at-the-corners-of-the-mouth textbook-flappi the cack-flies who than taste better no have frankly who people are people, FANS. These ed bastards misguid of type the are FANS MUSIC S SERIOU have no idea what music is. guitar solos five play can Vadge d Fracture from t who think that because Terence Rimsho hoodlum of equally preon his pubic whiskers, behind his head, that somehow makes his important lesson we cocious flesh-crawlers better than say, R Kelly. Let’s remember the vocalist, probably the all learned from our dads, kids: Led Zeppelin had probably the best they lived a rock’n’roll best guitarist, probably the best bassist AND drummer, EVER, AND lifestyle like no others. And they’re fucking atrocious!

Record #23 - Jack Johnson - Sitting, Waiting, Wishing Crime: Fudge-packing for backpackers

S

o anyway, I went on my gap-year this year right?

So we went to Thailand right?

Me and these guys I met in the hostel right? We went out one night, yeah, and we sat and watched the sun rise overlooking this beach and listened to Jack Johnson round a campfire yeah, and it was so beautiful, right?

Wrong! I was just about ready to ignore your tawdry

hmmm-how-can-I-waste-365days gap-year “life assessment” knobbo student stereotype tedium, but I’ve got to pull you up on a few details, mate.

Jack Johnson? Music for morons from Birmingham who can’t surf. Dickish acoustic chill-out sludge for degenerates whose idea of “chilling out” is leaving their extracreamy frappucino on the window ledge too long?

Jack “the plank” Johnson, the James Blunt for divvies who think they get out more than the average person, think they feel things more than the average person, and have superior memories to the average person because they listen to atonal acoustica, shat out by a bearded jock who sells more VW camper window stickers than concert tickets? Well you’re not. You suck. RIGHT?

JOHNSON: Jack Shit

Record #24 - The Mars Volta - Cassandra Gemini Crime: Utter Nonsense

S

VOLTA: Strife on Mars

upersonicmegafuckinga actualitysanitycrushingsuckmewithafuckstickantiestablishmentarianafrocentrictripledeckeralternativi tyscenesterrockadoodledand yprogmewithabiscuituntilitH URTSummagummamegatroni csupersonicWOW! Now, if you found that a little problematic on the eyes to read, try translating that into aural form, and prepare for real fucking problems, buster.

The Mars Volta, whose only concept of tunes is what their hyper-sensitive fans gobble down after inhaling passive smoke from their communist

neighbours three doors down, are here.

Much is made of the fact that the Mars Volta are so amazingly amazing and talented and can play noseflutes for fifteen minutes in a hybrid of Spanish and made up honk-parps and, whew, concept albums about backwards talking frigate birds who can use crystal petri dishes to fortell the downfall of human society through the medium of post-post-jazz-funk-operatica. Coincidentally or not, very little is made of the fact that the Mars Volta are so amazingly pretentious and frankly

unlistenable, and provide the casual listener with nothing but indisguishable segments of Cedrix Bixler and Omar Rodriguez boffing their lungs and fingers over a multitude of unnecessary guitar and butt-trumpet tape tracks.

Let us not forget, that the aformentioned yak-alikes provided us several years ago with At-The-Drive-In, and disbanded them for, you know, selling few records, and decided recording albums in the great studio in their arseholes was a better move.

Thanks for that guys.

If the Scissor Sisters weren’t gay, they’d sound like Scooch. Discuss: bastian@gairrhydd.com

8

Interviews

interviews@gairrhydd.com

21 11 05

Feed for thought

Amira Hashish discovers the driving force behind Feeder’s success after talking to frontman Grant Nicholas...

H

aving a conversation with Feeder's Grant Nicholas is like finding a surprise present: unexpected but wholly satisfying. He may have a reputation as one of the shyer members of the music industry but judging by my encounter with the front man this is a mistaken conception.

"I am not a recluse," he insists. "I do go to some awards ceremonies and present awards but I'm not really interested in the celebrity scene. I have managed to sustain a private life. I'm not perfect and one day something might leak out. I am a human being after all. If I had been more outrageous I would have had extended press and maybe even sold more albums as a result of it. But I want to be in the papers for one reason - music."

It is evident that the 30-year-old is passionate about what he does best.

So much so that even after the suicide of friend and drummer, Jon Lee, there was no question as to whether he would resume his career. "It would have been really difficult not to go back to it," he explains. "I love writing, even if I wasn't in a band I would still have to write. Music is definitely an escape for me. I am really lucky to have that because it prevents me from turning to anything bad. I could have become a recluse and gone and lived on a beach somewhere after Jon's death but writing was a way of me venting my loss, anger and confusion."

The band has battled a lot but Nicholas is undecided as to whether this has brought them closer together. "Mark was originally just a session drummer because we weren't sure if we wanted to replace Jon," he elaborates, "but we found that just bringing him in now and then made him a bit uncertain as to where he stood. So we had a talk with him and decided we wanted him full-time. He is one of the best drummers I have

GRANT NICHOLAS: Does drink cider from a lemon seen. Obviously, the history is not there like it was with me, Taka and Jon, but we are working really well together. There have been no problems so far. We have shown that we can carry on being successful.”

There is no need for Nicholas to consider having a solo career. "I am lucky because I have the power to really do what I want to do in the band," he reminds me. "Maybe later down the line I would consider doing one single independently but it is unnecessary at the moment. I am the type of person that needs goals to be driven. As long as we are all driven in the same direction I see no reason why we shouldn't be together for a

long time.”

It is this ever-present determination and direction that has prevented Feeder from becoming victims of the five-minute cycle of fame. This is not to say the lead is unaware of the competition. "We are feeling it, it is just incredible," he raves. "I can't keep up with it. The key is how many bands actually last. That is the hard part of the business." Nicholas's advice for newcomers is to stick to what you are good at and not try to conform to the trends. “We have been consistent, we haven't taken a long break. We have kept making music but not just releasing albums for the sake of it."