Quench - Issue 33

gair rhydd.com

INTERVIEWS - FASHION - GAY - TRAVEL - MUSIC - BOOKS - DIGITAL - FILM ARTS - FOOD - GOING OUT - TV - BLIND DATE - CULT CLASSICS

WE PICK OUR FAVOURITE 2005, ER, STUFF

Q U E N C H 3 VO L .

E 33 ISSU 5 C DE 5 0 0 2 D IA N G UA RD E N T E M A PN T U T S E A Z IN U D E IO N G T A S M E AT OF TH U B L IC P OF YEAR R

THE Y

EA

REVIEW OF THE YEAR

2005

BEGINS ON PAGE 28

Contents CARDIFF UNIVERSITY

the gair rhydd magazine

04 06 08 12 16 20 22 24 26 28 30 37 39 41 48 53

Best Student Publication 2005

quench@gairrhydd.com

Best Student Magazine 2005

OTP: Best: Dead Mate Mr Chuffy: Laptop Lunacy Interviews: ‘Ello Sailor Travel: ‘Ey, greeeengo...

Features: God Health Us Blind Date: ‘Cos wanking will make you go blind Fashion: Touching your beauty spot Food: Mystery Meat Gay: Exchanging Rings Reviews: In 2005, no-one died...

Music: You’re breaking my fingers Graham Arts: What a load of pant-omine-s Digital: Go get a (half) life Film: Um-Bongo, Um-bongo....

Books: Neate-Mare on Elm Street Cult Classics: I’ve got some Peggs, Dave....

Editor Will Dean Executive editor Tom Wellingham Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan

Sub-editors Emma Wilkins, Sam Coare, Catherine Gee, Geordie Arts Kim O’Connor, Rebecca Child Blind Date Sarah Ahmed Books James Skinner Columnists John Widdop, TV Willy Cult Classics Matt Turtle Debate Helen Rathbone Digital Sam Curtis Fashion Charlotte Howells, Clare Hooker Features Kerry Lynne-Doyle, Hannah Perry Film Catherine Gee, Ryan Owen Food Sian Hughes Gay Fenar Muhammed-Ali Going Out Lisa O’Brien Interviews Xandria Horton Mr Chuffy Andy Johnson Music Sam Coare, Harold Shiel, Greg Cochrane One Trick Pony Geordie Photography Luke Pavey, Adam Gasson, James Perou Travel Bec Storey, Amy Harrison Vox Pop Culture Sophie Robehmed Contributors Ewen Hosie, Michela Riva, Will Bebb, Andrew Mickel, Clare Martin, Rosie Ponting, John Maher, James Meredith, Avalyn Beare, Joe Starkey, Luke Pavey, Emily Kendrick, Tom Williams, Si Truss, Helen Thompson, Kirsten Hicks, Rebecca Child, Ellen Waddell, Will Hitchins, Vicki Hemmings, Luke Sellers, Peter Church, Dominic Wolf, Katie Thomas, Emily Akers, Jennifer Dunkerley, Leana Crookes, Jo Ling, James Daniels, Clare Smith, Lucian Reed-Drake, Olivia Mordsley, Liz Mitchell, Alex Wallis, Gemma Allonson, Nick Jenkins.

Proof readers Andrew Mickel, Lucy Plant, Huw Davies, Jess Anderson, Jordan Selig, Joanne Grew, Gemma Ellis, Sam Coare Cover design Will Dean Thought of the week: “We’re very, very sorry”

05 12 05

3

QED

O

ne of the most dubious, holiday season methods for journalists to fill space is the annual Best Of lists.

When most hacks are probably too busy haranguing PR lackeys to get them freebies to give to relatives for Christmas presents, the opportunity to fill 19 pages with retrospectives about why Joss Stone's sophomore release is worthy of the number 14 slot in the countdown of the Best Albums by People with the Letter O in their name of 2005 is one not to be missed.

Indeed, due to deadlines, it's more often than not the Best of January till late-October. If you ever wondered why so-called 'life-changing' releases are never unleashed after Halloween - now you know.

So, it's with great pride that I welcome you all to the all-singing, alldancing, Quench review of the year or, at least all-singing, all-dancing Quench review of January to November. Ahem. !"The non-Quench related highlight of my year was going to the first day of the third Ashes test with a group of people (the youngest of whom was about 20 years my senior) who I barely knew and proceeding to drink far too much Thwaites ale (Blackburn’s finest). It was the day when Michael Vaughn finally got a big score and we were sat right in the middle of the Australian contingent. Brilliant. There isn't a much better way to bond with people old enough to be your granddad than plying them with bitter. Unless they're Gary Glitter - but that, thank goodness, is a different story. !"Finally, the Observer revealed last week that George Best's treatment costs at London's prestigious Cromwell hospital had been waived because the star was bankrupt and unable to pay. Now it's a nice gesture surely, but would the hospital have been as willing to treat a nonfamous alcoholic who had been granted the stay of execution of a replacement liver and wasted it for free? I doubt it.

4 One Trick Pony

05 12 05

Aids awareness: you all have Aids

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the wrong tree: we’re not ignorant t’s painful to admit that anything (any more), just irresponsible. But in the Thatcher-era was done propwe’re supposed to be irresponsible erly, but at least the Aids-awareprogrammed to take a certain amount ness campaigns weren’t patronising. of risk, particularly when it comes to The tombstone with the legend having sex. “don’t die of ignorance” delivering a The new, complex, outer layers of short sharp shock was infinitely the brain may be capable of building preferable to the typically New the internet or putting the man on the Labour softly-softly approach we moon, but the second most important have to suffer during every TV advert break at the minute.

The new adverts (at least in Wales) are bloody terrible: “If you have sex just once without a condom you could be at risk from HIV”. Well, thanks.

It’s about as enlightening as pointing out that the Pope is a Catholic.

Mood: Sulking I mean, I got enough of organ is still controlled by the millenthat in childhood with Mother’s infuriating “It’s cold, wrap up warm” type of nia-old walnut-sized central brain.

If our primate ancestors hadn’t conversation that always led to a blazing row. Or worse, the mid-teen “Don’t taken risks, we’d never have ventured down from the trees, and anti-STI drink too much - you’ll be sick”. campaigners wouldn’t be barking up Indeed I will. at anything. It’s not just us. It’s a However more effective the old common trait amongst all mammals. campaigns were compared to the Stags fight for the right to mate at new, they’re both barking up entirely

GEORDIE

“

We’re programmed to take risks when it comes to having sex

considerable risk to their own lives: one of them is going to die, but that’s what they risk for the opportunity to pass on their genes.

Compare a stag’s 50% chance of dying fighting to a three percent probability of viral transmission via receptive anal intercourse, and you’ll see we’ve got it easy, relatively speaking.

But that doesn’t mean it’s an acceptable risk to Modern Man, of course.

Making people take responsibility for their sexual health requires them to fight their own inner nature.

Nobody ever fought against themselves by being infantilised. The only way is the Thatcher way (Christ, how I loathe admitting that): scare the public shitless. Or STI-less, if you prefer.

Our government’s generally pretty good at scaremongering; it seems not in this case. December 1 was World Aids Day, campaigning along the lines of Mother’s usual winter message: ‘wrap up or you’ll catch your death’.

Maybe they should’ve said ‘Always use condoms or asylum seekers will blow you up/steal your pension/defile the memory of Diana’ - put the Daily Mail to good use for a change. !

(Overrated) It’s a good enough language for science, but that’s where the fun stops. Who ever wrote a song about science, or made a film about science (alright smartarse, Fred Allan Wolf did... but he has a beard and is decidedly strange)? Typical stories or lyrics of everyday human emotion, of the average, personal, experience aren’t conveyed smoothly en anglais. The languages of passion, of heroic tales, will always be the italic family derived from latin. Emperor Charles V claimed to speak to his horse in German, to women in Italian, men in French and to God in Spanish. The power of the latter is easily understood by comparison of Shakira lyrics in her native language to her mangled English. Or better yet, some genuine Andalusian Flamenco. The deficiencies in the Engish language become even more obvious when you realise how many foreign words simply don’t translate: duende and saudade to name just two. Look ’em up. ( English ) Latin was the lingua franca (see...) of all of Europe’s educated elite for centuries, providing a language that everybody had to learn to communicate with foreigners, until French and then English took over in the arrogance of their respective countries’ power. Not only that, but a wealth of literature was written in Latin, though little decent philosophy - as Cicero pointed out, it’s tricky in a language with no definite article. Imagine Shakespeare translated from Elizabethan English into our modern language and you’ll see how much the Bard’s work loses. Now we can only experience Juvenal, Horace, Terence and Catullus (right) - arguably the greatest love-poet who ever lived - in translation from Latin to English, we have lost immeasurably more of the authors’ intended effect.

Outside the dark recesses of the Vatican, Latin is dead. Sic transit gloria mundi.

( Latin )

(Underrated)

L e g e n d

OTP

p o p VOX culture

CALUM BEST: for being on the juice while his dad was on the drip

C

hip off the old block, this lad.

It’s a shame that particular block had a lifestyle that ultimately killed him, but there you go.

For squandering his father’s money in a George-imitating style, but without a shred of talent to back his claim to fame, Calum deserves massive respect.

George wasn’t really there for his son, nor was Calum there in his father’s final hours. Well, maybe his actual final hours, but not for most of the time he was in hospital.

Don’t be fooled by the crocodile tears put on for the media the moring after Best senior shuffled off

his mortal coil, Calum didn’t give a shit. I say this with authority, as he was in Creation the previous week, hitting on one of my colleague Mr Chuffy’s class. Brilliant.

Calum embodies the ethos of so many children: the decision to do it ‘their way’, which is inevitably exactly the same way their parents did it (whatever ‘it’ is) but in different clothes.

You might think that staying out, partying and chasing women while the old man’s on his death-bed should earn George’s son a renaming as ‘Callous Best’. You’re wrong.

After all, it’s probably what Daddy would’ve wanted.

T o s s e r

S

orry Jimmy. You’re not gonna get away with this one. We saw you, you see. We saw what you did.

Yeah, ok, it wasn’t that bad. Just a bit twatty. What we saw caught him in the act of doing was: standing in a local DVD retailer, checking the chart position of his own latest release.

Mincing around Silverscreen in the Queen’s Arcade - ‘hey look at me, I’m famous’ - and posing next to your own DVD only makes you look like the narcissistic twat that you are, Jimmy. Certainly explains why you’re estranged from your family, at any rate.

Not wishing to be totally onesided, maybe it’s not Jimmy’s fault.

Perhaps the shop just brings out

5

the egomaniac in B-list celebrities.

Also spotted in Silverscreen: David Tennant (with the Radio Times sticking out of his pocket), Vernon Kay and some kid in the fourth series of Teachers, who bought the DVD of the aforementioned, feeling the need to state: “I’m only buying this because I’m in it.” Wankers.

But Jimmy Carr’s presence in the shop is somehow less surprising.

His attitude during a performance is replete with the kind of strutting arrogance that makes me want to cause him physical harm.

One of my colleagues has just pointed out that I’m hypocritical for anyone else’s egocentricity: I’ve been known to leave Quench open on my pages while walking through the Union building. Damn.

JIMMY CARR: Not very funny egocentric comedian

Vox Pop-Culture delves into the murky world of your culture collections... this week: Richard Williams, 20, second year French & English

FIRST AND WORST CD: “First CD was The Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle OST whilst I was young and confused. The worst was Take That’s Greatest Hits that I bought only last week. I don’t know why I bought it.” (Geordie adds: Take That’s Greatest Hits is awesome. Heathen.)

BEST BOOK: “Steven Clark’s A Year In The Merde because it offers an Englishman’s view into the French, which makes it extremely humourous.”

THE LAST FILM I WENT TO SEE: “Saw 2. It was very good; better that the first. Lots of blood anyway.”

FAVOURITE TELLY: “It has to be the latest series of Little Britain; it’s a bit quirkier, darker and weirder than the first series.”

IF I WERE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER I’D BE: “I would be James Bond for obvious reasons, but getting the girl mostly.”

THE ONE PIECE OF POP CULTURE I COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT: “Athlete’s Tourist. I listen to it everynight; I just don’t get sick of it.

Awesome album.”

Vox Pop-Culture needs you!

Look out for us on the Union steps armed with nothing but a dictaphone and camera.

Get thinking!

6 OTP

WARNING

Dogs and other domesticated animals such as Rhinos and Komodo Dragons die in hot cars

Mr Chuffy Investigates...

E

It’s PC Gone Mad, wibble, crazy – it’s off the hook. Wooooooooooo!

dward entered the wardrobe, partially in search of a pleasant location for a wafty krank but primarily to find the evil Ice Queen and wreak some yuletide mischief with Turkish delight and some dwarf goat warriors. Imagine Edward’s incredulity when the idyllic Narnian snow was stained with the blood of death. Aslan, the embodiment of all that is good and just, beaten incontinent by a hard drive, Mr Tumnus had a monitor whacked round his chops and The Beavers had been buggered queasy by an Intel Pentium Processor. It’s PC gone mad. Damn skippy and it’s going to kill Christmas.

The Warrior Lion had been jesting about blacks, despite his faun-like features Mr Tumnus had quipped about the voting rights of Mrs Tumnus and The Beavers were renowned gaybashers. It appears that you can no longer say anything without the army of insane home computer systems censoring you in the oesophagus.

Sufficiently deranged to believe that passing a yuletide log around the Crimbo table would offend people with beards and synagogues, these dogooder loony liberal laptops now

GLITTER: Marmite-mining for squirrels

seem intent on destroying Christmas.

Bleating about human rights, the potty PC brigade have banned Father Christmas from climbing into bed with children if fatigued from his mammoth trans-global gift-giving. Claus must now empty his sack on the child’s floor then immediately depart up that sooty passageway. Transport know-italls fear that a heavily jet-lagged and exhausted St Nicholas may fly into a swan or even worse a Boeing 737.

Flying reindeer are much smaller than commercial jets and in a collision would almost uncertainly be squashed like cheese under a dildo. A spokes-elf for SARS (Scandinavian Aviation Reindeer Society) warned the patron saint of materialism and any

“

Under Uzbek law, sex with a miner is prohibited even if with a tree dwelling rodent other bugger thinking of flying a Danish donkey this festive season, that “tiredness can kill; it is advisable to stop every two hours for a break”.

However, Claus is believed to despise motorway service stations exclaiming “pay five quid for a fookin’ pasty. You can shit right off.”

If Claus were to come-a-cropper mid-air it would certainly spell T.H.E. E.N.D. for Christmas - which is bit of a pity really. Christmas has been around for over six billion years, long before God, with the festival dating back to the opening of the very first Toys ‘r’ Us in ancient Mesopotamia. Contrary to biblical sycophants Jesus received a Scallextrix set and Malibu Barbie from the three wise men, who incidentally weren’t that bright but acquired the nickname because they wore spectacles and looked well clever.

Like an avian flu mad cow disease in a Beijing rickshaw, PC madness has spread to the boys in blue.

Window-licking Police Constable Paddywhack Plod got his collar felt

when the mouth-foaming berserk bobby stuck a truncheon into his left ear canal and exclaimed “wibble, human rights, wibble”. In a worded statement, the constabulary blamed a bad squirrel which the Constable is believed to have eaten as part of a Masonic ritual. The squirrel was reportedly part of an unsafe batch of uranium mining squirrels imported from the former Soviet state of Uzbekistan. Former 70s Glam Rock wig-wearer Gary Glitter is currently under investigation by officials in Tashkent after reports that Glitter had sexual intercourse with the squirrel.

Under Uzbek law, sex which a miner is strictly prohibited even if the victim is a tree dwelling rodent. Gary Glitter: appropriate use of the colon.

It’s time for the decent people of this fair land to stand up against these crazy Christmas-pooping PCs. We asked a Muslim and he said he liked Christmas. However, just like in Schindler’s List, it seems that the true spirit of Christmas may save the day.

Thousands of homeless vagabonds have been gathered up from the streets of Blighty to work in makeshift sweatshops in order to ensure the kids get their toy-firearms on Christmas morning. To fund these factories the US administration has freed a divorcee from Guantánamo Bay. The Christmas-released single though has yet to make an impact on the Top 40, with tough competition expected from X-Factor musical melanoma Chico.

And much to the delight of the Daily Mail, Dickensian rogue Philip Pirrip recently pulled out the plug from the back of the computer disabling those PC swines. Hooray for the disabled!

DISABLED: Hooray!

Debate

debate@gairrhydd.com

05 12 05

7

Carrot top or m is n Vegetaria meat mighty?

For

Against Andrew Mickel

William Hitchins

I

just can’t deny it any longer. No more avoiding the subject, no more forgetting the problem, time to face the unfaceable. I’m confronted with the dire problem that has plagued me for so long. I must become a vegetarian, and God how i hate myself for it.

I’m a first year philosophy student, with left-wing political leanings and all the trimmings. I must stop eating meat.

Shit.

Why, I hear you cry, have I come to such a life changing decision? And believe me this is no understatement. After all, I was a meat for breakfast, lunch and dinner boy once.

Well, here we go.

It is wrong to kill animals. It is actually that simple. There is absolutely no need at all. We can have a 100% healthy diet without removing Daisy the cow or Peter the pig’s right to life. We are no longer cavemen with no choice but to go out and slay a mammoth, or some such prehistoric beast.

The classic argument against me of course is this, ‘eating meat is natural, we’re all part of the food chain’. No, we’re not. We have evolved beyond animals to make conscious, ethical decisions. Animals do not have the intellectual ability to not eat meat, they know no other way. We as higher beings do.

The terrible treatment of animals in the industry, and the massive inefficiency of eating meat are undeniable, but there is no problem of convincing people of this. Any reasonable person agrees we shouldn’t battery farm hens or eat animals packed with chemicals. This doesn’t mean we should stop eating meat altogether does it? So why then, have I given up the pleasure of crispy aromatic duck... Oh God, it’s good.

I know that things will never alter on a massive scale, but that’s fine. I don’t want to change the world. I don’t want to bring down the evil fang-bearing meat industry. I just don’t want to be part of it.

Si’s sidenote

Are you a vegetarian for moral reasons? Can you no longer stand the thought of eating chickens which have been caged up in spaces so small and cramped that they can’t even turn around?. As a vegetarian, your hands are clean. You have nothing to do with these farming horrors. Yet think about how much you’re actually doing to help the plight of animals kept for food. Without some minor miracle it can safely be assumed that the majority of the population is not going to become vegetarian. We should, therefore, look to other ways of boycotting bad farming. Buy organic, free range meat and support those who farm ethically.

Go further and put a stop to other animal exploitation. www.ad-international.org is a good place to start. Si Truss

I

admit it; I have dabbled with the Green Side. But obviously not any more. With the zeal of a convert, I’ll happily plump for the meat option every time.

First off, let’s debunk a vegetarian myth that even the most eager vegan seems to cough on their Quorn at.

The number of vegetarians has plummeted from about three million in 1997, to just over two million today.

Even in the age of turkey twizzlers, man cannot live off lentils alone.

Ideas of vegetarianism as a healthy option are somewhat undermined by the sight of hollow-eyed, anaemic teenage girls pushing lettuce around their plate.

Newsflash – not all meat eaters are sofa-bound manatees, chugging back the Pepperamis; really, we can manage to do the whole ‘health’ thing without looking like Karen Carpenter.

Others meanwhile, are vegetarian because they don’t like how animals are slaughtered. If you’re not comfortable with industrial meat production, then there are enough Fair Trade and organic options to prevent Supersize Me flashbacks every time you want a burger.

It’s also no simplistic statement to say that vegetarian food is stunningly less exciting than food cooked with meat. Although you can guarantee that a passing lettuce-muncher will insist ‘well, it’s all a matter of taste, isn’t it?’, it’s quite self-evidently not. Anyone who claims they enjoy tofu is a liar or a culinary spastic.

Instead, it leaves you with a taste in your mouth that is vaguely reminiscent of school changing rooms (insert smutty joke here).

What really angers me is the belief that meat-eaters are driven by some primeval need to munch on every passing red-blooded animal. If the vegetarians I’m talking about would get off their high moral horse (probably constructed from lima beans and bracken) for five minutes, they’d realise that few meat-eaters actually eat that much red meat. But I suppose that until mince learns to condescend itself, we’ll have to put up with sanctimonious vegetarians doing the job for us instead..

MACCA: Proof that if you don’t eat the animals, they will try and eat you

Vicki Hemmings gets comfy with Funeral For a Friend’s Gareth Davies

Interviews

9

No place like home

A

s the Taste of Chaos Tour rolled into town last month, bassist Gareth Davies from headliners Funeral For A Friend took time out to talk to me about the pros and cons of being in a band and the best things about coming home.

For those who don’t know, the Taste of Chaos tour has been like a mobile Mecca for emo kids around the world.

Thousands of loyal fans have made the journey to exhaust themselves in the sing along mosh pit mayhem. “Tour’s beenn amazing, it genuinely has, absolutely, utterly, totally, the best tour we’ve been on. It’s such a good laugh; everyone’s so fucking down to earth.”

Being the only UK band on an otherwise solely US line-up, I asked Gareth if the scenes differed at all: “The scenes are absolutely inseparable; kids have the same drive in this scene of music all over the world, the only difference is about five years. Here we play to the kids, in the States we play to the late teens, and that’s only because our videos aren’t in circulation over there.”

“Being in a band is great, it’s the best fucking job in the world. You experience so much, I’ve seen things my

FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND: Whistle-stop visit on a show-stopping tour parents are never going to see, but it takes away any kind of social life you’ve ever had.” Having been on tour since June and with another month to go, Friday night marked only the 4th night Gareth has slept in his own bed since buying his house in the summer.

“

It takes away so much that you will never get back... I just wish I could bring everyone with me

Davies laments the reality of touring

“I missed my best friend’s wedding, the party, everything, it takes away so much that you will never get back but the experience of being in a band completely outweighs that. I just wish I could bring everyone with me.” It’s living this life and experiencing these emotions to which Gareth accredits the progression between albums, Casually Dressed and Deep In Conversation, and

latest release Hours.

The only other time that Funeral For A Friend have played the CIA was as support for Iron Maiden, but for their November gig they headlined. 7,000 fresh faced emo kids stand where Gareth himself did at his first gig nine years ago when he came to watch Metallica. “Tonight is going to be an emotional night, all our friends and families are here, if I don’t cry by the end of it, I’ll be a mess.”

Forming in 2002, Funeral For A Friend are a relatively young band, so I asked what it is that they hope to achieve and whether they would like to emulate the longevity and success of previous tour mates, Iron Maiden and Linkin Park. “Bands these days don’t become über-stars, they become big for a bit or they don’t become big at all. Our main aim is to keep writing and playing shows to as many people. If we emulate their success we do, if we don’t we don’t.”

With a month of touring left to go, including dates in Europe and an attempt at breaking the States, the guys definitely have their work cut out for them. But tonight, even if fleetingly, they’re just glad to be home.

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Interviews

Crimea river

Luke Sellers and Peter Church talk to genre-defying band the Crimea about fame, roll-ups and the lighter side of life...

DAVEY MACMANUS: Mr Bubble Man

“W

e want to be on all the TV shows, all at once!”, declares Andy Stafford, keyboard player for London-based quintet the Crimea. Such optimism and ambition is a far cry from the dark and uncertain beginnings of the band.

Formed following the break up of singer Davey MacManus and drummer Owen Hopkins’s former band the Crocketts, the Crimea nearly didn’t come into being at all.

“Owen was gonna go study Law, I was gonna do Nursing,” the front man explains. “I thought about packing it in

but it’s hard to surrender your kudos.”

Three and a half years later and this refusal to surrender is starting to pay off.

With the release of critically acclaimed debut album Tragedy Rocks and celebrity endorsements from the late John Peel to Frank Skinner, things are looking distinctly more positive.

The Crimea’s mix of psychedelic pop with vivid, darkly humorous lyrics and MacManus’s emotive, gravelly voice (Stafford: “its all the roll ups he smokes”) makes them virtually impossible for the music press to pigeonhole.

“People call it indie, I hate that brack-

et,” MacManus continues, “Leonard Cohen meets Dusty Springfield,” that’s what I dream of it being.”

This odd concoction of influences is evident in their intense live shows; which lurch from mesmeric, sinister songs such as the haunting Opposite Ends through to a cover of Alone Now by eighties popette Tiffany.

This skewed, genre-defying sensibility may go someway to explaining why a lot of the initial interest in the band was from America where they were ‘discovered’ playing at industry festival South

By South West. Having spent seven weeks touring America - “it’s like being on holiday,” the singer grins - and their album due out there in February the band are starting to make an impact.

Stafford adds, “success is more fragmented than over here. In the UK you get one style of music that’s doing well and the rest of it’s not in vogue.”

Despite releasing three singles on a small independent label two years ago, Lottery Winners On Acid, released in January will be their debut single proper.

An infectious, quirky pop song described

by John Peel as “one of the best songs I’ve heard in years,” it should prove to be the catalyst to launch the Crimea into mainstream consciousness. “I know we’ve released it before,” MacManus concedes, “but we’re doing everything with videos, really trying to make it’.

What would ‘making it’ be in the eyes of the Crimea? “Number one album” replies Andy instantly. “Success has got to be as a mainstream pop band, to be as big as we can possibly be”.

Success has been a long time coming but, after a string of sell out shows, they may not have to wait much longer. A band hard to define but impossible to resist, their appeal is best encapsulated

by MacManus’s description of his own songs which cover subjects ranging from the transience of life to hair loss but never lose sight of the lighter side of life.

“There’s a sort of jokey element; kind of, ‘Everything’s shit but lets have fun anyway’.”

You can’t argue with logic like that.

Interviews

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State O F play

T

im Westwood’s Freshers’ tour came to Cardiff on November 22, showcasing the latest in rap and hip-hop from here and across the pond, with Lethal Bizzle and r’n’b singer Yomi also appearing.

In typical Westwood fashion, his energetic approach brought a full dance floor. After the show, I interviewed Tim about the hip-hop scene in America and Britain.

Firstly I asked Tim how the Freshers’ tour was going, and how Cardiff rated amongst the other cities he has DJed in: “I’ve been coming to Cardiff all my career; I’ve DJed at Liquid, the Forum, Creation and others. I love coming to Cardiff.”

Hip-hop has taken over the bars and clubs of Britain over the past few years, as Tim explained: “We’re living in the hip-hop generation now, and hiphop is a lifestyle brand; that gives it power. Many artists have endorsements for trainers, clothing lines, and appear in movies too.”

I commented on how successful rappers/producers like Pharrell and Kanye West have been recently. For Tim it’s “important that in hip-hop we have dif-

Dominic Wolf discusses the finer points of rap and hip-hop with Tim Westwood during his Freshers’ Tour... ferent flavours, so there’s something for everyone; it’s not just one dimensional. It’s not all about 50 Cent; Kanye and Common make a refreshing change. People want something more thoughtful and less aggressive. It’s the same with Pharrell, who’s about capturing the party atmosphere.”

“

I’ve never seen the UK scene looking so good Westwood’s opinion of the state of hip-hop

We all know how successful 50 Cent has become and now he’s trying his hand at acting. I asked Tim what he thought of Get Rich Or Die Tryin’: “I enjoyed it man, I got the bootleg DVD. It’s a strong street movie.”

2005 has undoubtedly been (Quench Legend of the Year) Kanye West’s year in terms of success. I asked Tim who his favourite artists were at the moment, and who we should listen out for. “My favourite

stuff at the moment is Dipset. I like Jeulz Santana, Jadakiss and Styles P as well. I think the UK is definitely on fire. Kano is big out there, and Roll Deep too. I’ve never seen the UK scene so good.”

Tim Westwood has enjoyed a very successful career, and after two decades in the game, he’s established himself as the “Big Dawg” of rap and hip-hop on British radio. He maintains his biggest achievement so far is “staying in the game for this long, and just to be still in the clubs, still on the radio and doing TV.” Over the years Tim has built up close friendships with some of rap’s biggest stars; “I’m very close to Funk Master Flex, he’s like a mentor to me.

I’m a big fan of Jay-Z and LL Cool J, and I’m good friends with Snoop Dogg.”

Finally I asked Tim if he could pass on some inspiring words of wisdom to the students of Cardiff University.

“Enjoy your education, and obviously qualify because you’ve got a great opportunity. While you’ve got this freedom enjoy it, and get the work done but try and enjoy every minute of it.”

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Tr a v e l

travel@gairrhydd.com

05 12 05

BACKPACKER Welcome to Backpacker. Each fortnight we provide an insight into top backpacking destinations. Every issue we will let you know which location will be featured in the next edition of Quench. Travel needs you to text/email any tips you have for the next destination. It could be anything from the best campsite, the best place to visit, or which bus takes you to the most beautiful beach.

By Lucian Reed-Drake Travel Correspondent

T

he danger days of civil war, political struggles and coups in Central America are over. It is now a destination roaming with backpackers who relish the huge diversity of culture, people, environments and activities. Central America is steadily becoming an easy and affordable place to don your backpack and set off for a memorable adventure.

Belize

Belize is Central America’s only English speaking country, combined with a significant presence of the Creole tongue also.

Caribbean influences certainly flavour this small country, as palm trees, white sandy beaches and friendly Rastafarians chill out with Belize’s laid back vibe. The ramshackle capital of Belize City has many stories of problems with drugs, weapons and robberies from foreigners. So do not stay long, simply stock up on cheap CDs, and most importantly, money - since ATMs are relatively scarce outside of Belize City.

The Northen Cayes (islands) which fringe off the barrier reef are the most popular place to relax for a few days.

Caye Caulker is a well-liked backpackers’ den, with cheap rooms for only £6 a night and original and nourishing cafes such as the Jamaican-owned,

BELIZE: Tropical beaches

Rasta Pasta.

Since Belize hosts the second biggest barrier reef in the world, second to Australia’s, it would almost be criminal to miss out on the fantastic diving and snorkelling opportunities at Caye Caulker.

Other places worth visiting in Belize are the Garifuna music town of Dangriga, and the sleepy coastal town of Placencia which offers bargain hotel rooms a stone’s throw from the white sandy beaches.

Guatemala

GUATEMALA: Mayan ruins at Tikal

and cultural treasures which must not be missed.

Set against a backdrop of three volcanoes and adorable cobbled streets, El Salvador the colonial town of Antigua has been a favourite backpacker haunt for As Central America’s smallest counyears. This is due to the inexpensive try, El Salvador is routinely skipped Spanish-language over by travellers due to its lack of schools availbrochure-type sites and reputation for able here. crime. As a result, the Nearly all the country is relatively schools in Don’t be fooled by untouched by mass Antigua offer the expensive trips to tourism, this adds to family ‘live-in’ the picture perfect the charm for backaccommoda‘Blue Hole’ diving site. packers who prefer to Day trips to other sites get off the beaten tion and one-toare considerably cheaper and are track. one tuition with just as beautiful. their courses.

El Salvador offers Academia de excellent hiking opporEspañol Sevilla and Casa de Lenguas tunities, particularly at Parque Guatemala are highly recommended Nacional El Imposible, just across the and offer courses for as little as £60 border from Guatemala at Tacuba. a week. It’s the perfect way to brush Dense forestry and spectacular vistas up on your Spanish before venturing run alongside a route which is most off onto the other Spanish speaking of the time much more isolated than countries in the South of Central any of the other trails.

America.

Hostal Mamá and Papá offers a Once you are in with the Spanish friendly family home to stay at, with lingo, you can brave the hectic but double beds and cable TV, for only £3 ridiculously cheap ‘chicken buses’ to a night. the Mayan ruins at Tikal. This is Despite a long history of war, govadventure sightseeing at its finest. ernment corruption and earthquakes, Pack plenty of mosquito repellent as the Salvadorans are said to be some you trek amongst towering temples of the most friendly and helpand pyramids set amongst dense junful people in the world. gle canopies and treetops swarming with monkey and bird howls. ’t Guatemala remains one of the Don s The Northern poorest countries in the world, so mis Cayes. A group of travelling in the country is incredibly islands that fringe cheap. Despite its poverty, the barrier reef Guatemala cherishes many historical

Top tip

SPECIAL...

Tr a v e l

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Central America Honduras Arrival in Honduras’s tongue twister capital Tegucigalpa is a frenzy of traffic, crowds, rip-off taxis and car horns.

Thankfully venturing further afield in Honduras is much easier and economical. A travel pass through San Pedro Sula will tak you to the charming towns of Tela and the ruins at Copan.

Tela appeals to backpackers, scuba divers and snorkellers alike, with it’s impressive Bay Islands, which offers some of the cheapest dive courses in the world. Whether it’s swimming with sharks or ambling through the remote rainforest on the Mosquitia Coast, Honduras certainly deserves to be a worthy country for exploration.

Nicaragua

’t Don s mis

Central America’s largest country holds Central America’s largest lake (or ‘lago’). Divert from

Surfing off the coast of Costa Rica..

Witch’s Rock Surf Camp offers lessons and rental equipment at low costs.

Nicaragua’s capital of Managua, which is largely inaccessible and holds little interest to backpackers that are looking for something more than sprawling roads and petty crime. Situated at the edge of the Lago de Nicaragua, the colonial village of Granada boasts elegant churches, a cathedral and mighty fine dining spots which many travellers have found it hard to get away from. It is an ideal jumping point for kayaking the vast lake or exploring Nicaragua’s active volcano craters at Parque Nacional Volcán Masaya.

The Caribbean coast, particularly the Corn Islands, is pleasant but pricier than the other locations in the

southern part of the country. Be prepared for a bum bruising ride on Nicaraguan buses though, as journeys are often long, and many of the roads on this coast are yet to be properly developed.

Costa Rica Acclaimed for its nature conservation and monstrous Pacific surf, Costa Rica eagerly accepts over a million visitors a year. Costa Rica maintains 27% of its land to eco-friendly national parques and protected areas. Parque Nacional De Corcovado on the South, and Parque Nacional Tortuguero on the Caribbean coast are two of the best. Wildlife lovers can witness a whole parade of the natural world, with over 400 species of bird and 60 known species of frog, together with manatees, macaws, sloths, crocodiles and turtles laying eggs.

Península De Nicoya on the NorthWest coast pampers gorgeous beaches with plenty of surf dudes and beach bums. Playa Tamarindo is heavily laden with gringos but guarantees exceptional surf. Witch’s Rock Surf Camp offers great surfing lessons for beginners and cheap rental equipment. More experienced surfers may want to avoid the crowds of amateurs, and ride waves at ‘Pequeño Hawaii’ on Playa Avellana, or further down the coast at Dominical. For top-class information on surfing in Costa Rica, check out www.crsurf.com.

Panama The southern-most country in Central America, Panama is primed for relaxation and recuperation from a long trip. The islands on the Archipiélago de Bocas del Toro shines with utopian beaches, and slow-paced communities with a ‘take it easy’ ambience.

To experience marvellous hikes between indigenous villages of the Ngöbe-Buglé people, saunter through Boquete and the misty mountains of

PANAMA: The famous canal the Chiriquí highlands.

Camping in the Parque Nacional Volcán Barú, not only saves you money (£3 a pitch), but allows backpackers to be up close and personal with Panama’s only volcano. Trekking up the Volcán is arduous, so if you have time, you might want to camp actually on the mountain side. Just be prepared to wrap up warm as the altitude means it is often cold at night.

Once the top is reached, a clear day will treat you to splendid views of both of Panama’s coasts and the beautiful scenery that Central America certainly takes a lot of pride from.

USEFUL INFORMATION Websites: www.centralamerica.com www.latinworld.com www.expeadia.co.uk www.belizenet.com Books: Rough Guide: Guatemala Rough Guide: El Salvador Next issue Backpacker will be exploring New York City.

Central America Special ... Central America Special ... Central

Tr a v e l n o i t a s i il v i C a y Ma

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By Helen Thompson Travel Correspondent

T

he earliest evidence of prehistoric man treading the turf of Central America is a 6,000 year old track of footprints in Nicaragua, although it is speculated that the earliest hunter-gatherers migrated south from Mexico 60,000 years ago. The ancient footprints were found near Lake Managua, and can be seen there in a small museum alongside other ancient artefacts.

From the groups of hunter-gatherers that made these prints emerged the ancient civilisation of the Maya.

This developed sometime around 1500 BC. In 300 BC the Maya began organising themselves into highly structured hierarchical kingdoms.

The earliest important city in Central America was Cerros, built in Belize in 50 BC. The city was abandoned for unknown reasons only a hundred years after it was built.

Today this is an important stop on La Ruta Maya.

The impressive ruins of the city can be ikal accessed Ruins at T from Corozal Town by road in the dry season or by boat ride across the bay.

The ruins include three acropolises and several pyramidal structures. The tallest structure rises 72 feet above the plazas, giving panoramic views of the area, including the mouth of the New River, which leads to Lamanai.

Far from being abandoned itself, Lamanai has been occupied by Maya people continuously for over 3,000

years. The ruins are surrounded by tropical forest, combining Maya culture and nature in the beautiful views.

Maya civilisation did not reach its peak until 300 AD, when it covered land in Mexico, Guatemala, Belize and Honduras. Tikal, in modern day Guatemala, became the first great Maya city in 500 AD. Half of its extensive ruins are still consumed by dense jungle, but the 3000 visible structures provide the largest Maya archaeological site in Central America.

Sunrise or sunset tours can be taken to see the towering step pyramids, royal palaces, ball courts and vast residential areas.

The age of the classic Maya ceased just

before 900AD, marked by the inexplicable abandonment of the southern cities. The Maya continued to live in the area’s Northern regions.

Columbus first sailed along the coast of Central America in 1502, the first step to a long colonisation of the area. After conflict between rival Spanish groups, Spain set up the Captaincy-General of Guatemala in 1539.This included all the countries from Guatemala to Costa Rica, and was part of the larger Viceroyalty of

Spain.

The Captaincy-General was administered from Mexico City, but the Captain General operated from La Antigua Guatemala, until this was partially destroyed by an earthquake in 1773, and the seat was moved to Guatemala City.

La Antigua Guatemala is now a UNESCO world heritage site. The town is filled with low multi-coloured buildings with narrow cobbled streets weaving between them. The colonial architecture includes many beautiful churches, former palaces and convents. The entire city can be viewed from the top of the surrounding volcanoes. Easter is the best time to visit, when processions carry religious icons through streets carpeted with flowers.

Spanish hold on the region was fairly stable for hundreds of years.

The celebrated Welsh buccaneer, Henry Morgan, sacked the wealthiest city of the New World, Panama, in 1671. It is now called Panama Viejo, and can be reached from Panama City.

Rivalry with Britain and America in the region caused Spain to withdraw from the area in 1819.

Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua and Costa Rica briefly became one large country, the United Provinces of Central America from 1823 to approximately 1840. When this dissolved, the countries became independent.

Panama remained under colonial control until 1903, when the USA helped it gain freedom. The canal was finished in 1914, but the Panama Canal Zone remained under American control until 1999. The best way to see the canal is by boat, providing the best views of the scenery and fascinating mechanics of the canal.

America Special ... Central America Special ... Central America

UNDER THE SEA: H ONDURAS

By Lucian Reed-Drake Travel Correspondent

T

he Islands off the coast of Honduras are famous for their amazing scuba dive sites. Not only is the coral reef the second largest in the world, it is also the cheapest for diving.

I travelled to Utila, a sanctuary for travellers on a budget. The Utilan waters are home to magnificent coral gardens and tropical fish. Whale sharks are commonly found in the area too.

From the moment you step off the boat and face the barrage of dive centre leaflets, you know everyone has come here for the same thing, to dive.

Competition between dive shops is fierce. The best bet is to drop your bag off for free at Captain Morgan’s Dive Centre and take your time to find the dive centre which suits you.

Nearly all the dive shops have practically the same deals, give or take $10-20 or other freebies such as fun dives. Expect to pay up to $150.00 for a PADI Open Water 3 day course, or $199.00 for a PADI Open Water Advanced course.

As a certified Open Water diver, I enrolled onto an Advanced PADI course. Underwater Vision Dive Centre offers two free fun dives and two free nights accommodation for $199.00.

The first dive of the course was fish identification. We identified spectacular schools of fish including yellow jacks, French angelfish, groupers, shrimps, crustaceans, stingrays and barracudas.

The 30 metre wreck dive, on the next day, was the biggie. At 30 metres your body reacts differently with the increased pressure. Divers often feel drunk and europhic at such depths; a condition known as nitrogen

narcosis. As we manoeuvred around the giant wreck Halliburton II, parrotfish swam alongside us.

The final dive was the night dive.

Armed only with a small torch, we descended into the pitch black deep to witness an entirely different scene in the dark; a kaleidoscope of different glow fish and also a fluorescent octopus. Despite my initial fears, the dive turned out to be one of the most rewarding dives I have experienced.

After you have completed your dive course, the island’s welcoming and friendly attitude entices you to lengthen your stay.

This quaint island has only only one main road and it’s rare to see another car on the road, as golf buggies and bicycles are the popular local transport.

The locals speak their own hilarious mixture of Spanish, Caribbean and English, known as ‘Spanglish’, which you can just about recognise but in no way learn and repeat.

This island is amazing, I only planned to stay for a week but ended up staying for two.

Top Tips... Choosing a Dive School Accomodation; the quality varies between dive schools.

Instructors and Equipment; do not compromise on either for the cheapest price.

Location; some schools have their own dive docks which is perfect for early morning dives.

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Olivia Mordsley explores the island of Roatan

I

n the Caribbean sea, 350 miles south of Cancun, lies the tropical isle of Roatan. Roatan is 40 miles long and less than four miles wide.

An island of natural beauty, untainted by tourism, with sunshine all day, every day, and crystal blue waters.

The best way to get to Roatan is by ferry from the Honduran mainland.

From La Ceiba there are regular ferries to Roatan and Utila. This cheap and reliable transport is affectionately named “the vomit comet” by locals due to the choppy seas! It is advisable to travel early in the morning when the sea is calmer.

There are a wide variety of places to stay which suit all budgets. Foster’s in the West Bay is located on the beach with oceanfront views from every room. It is breathtakingly beautiful with its fantastic setting and its own restaurant and bar.

Roatan is ideal for water lovers.

Ocean kayaking is a popular activity, and kayaks can be hired from the Cannibal Café in West End region.

Swimming with dolphins, ziplining, glass bottom boat tours and deep sea fishing are also popular.

For those who fancy a bit of pampering, take a visit to the Sante Wellness Centre which offers, amongst other treatments; fruit acid facial peels, thalassotherapy body wraps, and therapeutic hot stone massages.

The seafood and fish of the island is the best I have ever tasted. The Blue Parrot near Sandy Bay offers steak and lobster for around $10 and beer for $1.

The Annual Shrimp Festival in June is unmissable! There are carnivals celebrating the independence of the island, with food, music, dancing and beauty contests!

The island has many places that serve continental food. There are internet cafes readily available (but be warned, these are not cheap), a hospital, airport and shopping centres.

Roatan is one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited. It is a paradise of beauty with so much to see and do.

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Features

features@gairrhydd.com

05 12 05

The drugs don’t work?

Wor heal ld spec th ial

With The Constant Gardener putting the pharmaceutical industry into the spotlight, Helen Thompson asks whether it is as unethical as we think

A

s Westerners, the life that we lead relies heavily on drugs. A society within which we have no access to modern medication is a terrifying idea to the majority of those living in developed countries.

We are so used to having prescriptions and vaccines for every bug we encounter within our reach, that disease is not perceived by many people as a dominant threat before old age.

Those that we have to thank for this lifestyle, however, are often vilified as mercenary, careless and underhand; pharmaceutical companies are portrayed as profit-making machines who have no qualms at dangerous testing on humans or animals, as long as the drug they develop makes them a lot of money.

The release of the film adaptation of Le Carre's The Constant Gardener has brought the ever-controversial debate over drug testing on humans back into the limelight.

The film focuses on a conspiracy between Big Pharma, the name given to the group of largest pharmaceutical companies in the world, and the British High Commission to allow testing for a new TB vaccine on HIV positive Kenyans without their informed consent.

The pharmaceutical companies do not come off well, as the tests are harming their subjects. Characters

make frequent provocative statements, such as that the drug companies are "not killing people who wouldn't be dead otherwise", and accusing them of sending out-of-date drugs to poor clinics, terming these "disposable drugs for disposable patients".

While the premise of the film is fictional, there have been a number of alleged cases of unethical practises within the last few decades.

In 1996, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer carried out an experiment on Nigerian victims of a meningitis epidemic. They tested the new drug Trovan on children for the first time, in the hope that it would become a multi-million selling cure.

Trovan went on to be marketed as a drug to be taken on a very short term basis, and only for serious infections, as it can cause severe liver injury.

It has been alleged that the trial version caused side effects that included paralysis, brain damage and even led to death in the Nigerian patients.

Thirty families involved started legal action in 2000, accusing Pfizer of taking advantage of desperate people by implementing the trials without consent, and without explaining that the drug was still in the experimental stages.

Legal action against Pfizer has been ongoing and complicated, due to the considerable lack of evidence with which to prosecute the company.

Trovan's fatality rate is reported as six percent, similar to that of other drugs used to treat the epidemic.

Operating trials without informed consent is a severe violation of the global code of ethics concerning drug trials, but the lack of evidence means that Pfizer is unlikely to be found guilty by the courts.

Lately there has been a surge in the number of drug trials conducted around the world. One reason for this is that patents for a number of high profit-earning drugs are due to run out between 2003 and 2008.

Patents last for 20 years, and give the company a monopoly on that drug. When it runs out their profits on the drug can drop by up to 80%. This means that the race is on to find the next miracle cure that can be approved, patented and sold by the million to replace the profits that will be lost.

Trials in developing countries are cheap, because subjects receive free medical care instead of payment. It is also usually far easier to recruit subjects in less developed countries, as there are more people suffering from disease without access to medication.

Features 17 It is impractical to test drugs for major diseases such as meningitis, tuberculosis and HIV in developed countries because epidemics just do not break out on the same scale.

There is a drought of willing test subjects for any drug in the first world. Those with the money to pay for extensive medical treatment have the choice to wait for drugs to be fully approved before trusting them to improve their health.

Although it is true that most of the drugs developed through these trials will benefit more affluent populations, as these diseases are present to an extent, the existence of more effective drugs to combat them will surely help to lighten the burden of disease that the third world has to carry. Bad press and legal hassle for pharmaceutical companies could threaten to dissuade them from working in the third world, and shift the focus onto 'rich' diseases, such as heart failure, obesity and stomach ulcers.

Developed countries have regulating bodies to monitor trials, such as the USA Food and Drug Administration, and Institutional Review Boards (IRBs), which exist to ensure that companies carry out their practises safely and ethically.

However, pharmaceutical companies do not have to inform the FDA before conducting their trials abroad.

These trials are then under the jurisdiction of their host governments, such as those of China, Taiwan and India, who mostly welcome the trials as a good way of accessing cheap drugs; for serious illnesses, drugs that could be unsafe are seen as better than drugs the population cannot afford, or no drugs at all.

The companies are often operating in severely impoverished areas, great-

DRUGS: Open wide

ly improving the facilities in which patients receive care, and providing a drug that will potentially cure an otherwise fatal disease. These countries allow companies to relax their standards.

Dennis DeRosia, chair of the Association of Clinical Research Professionals, comments: "If you go to some countries and say you want the IRB to review this, they say, "What is an IRB?". These circumstances mean that trials are operated less officially than in the West, creating the opportunity for ambiguities over the conduct of clinicians."

“

The World Medical Association Declaration of Helsinki was adopted by the WMA General Assembly in 1964 as a statement of ethical principles to be followed in medical research involving human subjects.

While drug companies sometimes violate this statement, public pressure from bodies such as Public Citizen, an American consumer watchdog, helps to keep them in line.

In January 2001, Discovery Laboratories intended to administer placebos to 325 premature babies in their trial of Surfaxin in Latin America.

Under the declaration, they should have tested Surfaxin against another effective surfactant. After pressure from Public Citizen, they were forced to abandon the use of placebos.

Drug companies need to reinvest more of their enormous profits into the experimental stages of drug development, to insure high standards throughout the world. The companies argue that cheaper trials mean that they can go on selling their products at a reasonable price, and already calls for cheaper medication in the West are loud in big pharma's ears.

Yet as the second most profitable industry in America, complaints about short funds are difficult to take seriously. From 2006 onwards, all World Trade Organisation members, including developing countries, must conform to patenting laws.

This action will put an end to their

ability to produce and circulate drugs more cheaply than pharmaceutical companies who own the patents. This will protect the companies' profits and make it even harder for disadvantaged populations to afford medication.

It cannot be denied that the practices of some pharmaceutical companies regarding informed consent have been decidedly suspect in the past. A more rigorous method of monitoring foreign trials needs to be implemented to insure that standards of practise adhere to international codes, such as those outlined in the Declaration of Helsinki.

Many objections to pharmaceutical companies, however, are largely based on idealistic principles, which cannot realistically be upheld. Drugs need to be tested on humans before they can be marketed, and these experiments are unavoidably imbued with a certain amount of risk.

Drug companies are not attempting to callously murder their subjects; their experiments endeavour to develop drugs that cure people, and the death of their participants does not further this aim.

It is unfortunately a case of having to risk lives to save lives, and attempting to do this in the most ethical manner possible.

The Facts !" " It is estimated that 100,000 pharmaceutical trials are carried out worldwide each year. !" " The drug industry is the second most profitable industry in America. !" " Every day 30,000 people in the developing world die from treatable diseases. " 11 million people die from infec!" tious diseases every year. " Americans spend over $200 bil!" lion a year on prescription drugs - a figure that rises by 12% each year. !" " The average American brings home over 10 prescriptions a year but only one in 350 is willing to be a subject in a drug trial.

18 Features

World Aids day

5 MILLION

Wor heal ld spec th ial

people newly infected with HIV in 2001

40 MILLION

estimated number of people living with HIV/Aids at the end of 2001

3 MILLION

total number of Aids orphans

Aids deaths in 2001

total of Aids deaths at the end of 2000

13.2 MILLION 21.8 MILLION With the Aids virus claiming as many lives as ever, Quench looks at the difference in treatments between the First and Third Worlds

F

ive months ago at the G8 World summit in Gleneagles, the leaders of the world's eight richest countries stood together to declare their commitment to ensuring that there would be universal access to Aids treatment for all who need it by 2010.

This promise has the potential to save millions of lives across the world. It is estimated that 40 million people are living with HIV/Aids, although the real figure could be much higher due to poor diagnosis and education, particularly in developing countries. The July declaration has a long way to go. “Many people suffering from Aids are not killed by the disease itself but killed by the stigma surrounding it,� said Nelson Mandela, following the death of his son Makgatho from Aids earlier this year. Particularly in developing countries, the stigma of living with

HIV can result in physical and social isolation, loss of employment, loss of legal rights, and disownment from families. In some countries, the fear of being labelled scares people away from coming forward for testing, reducing their access to treatment or care.

Women are particularly at risk: not only are they biologically more vulnerable to HIV infection through heterosexual sex, but many are also treated unfairly due to gender inequality in their society. Girls are less likely to attend school in many developing countries, receive sex education to learn about HIV and Aids, or learn a skill or trade.

Being forced into the sex industry can then be the only choice remaining. A recent study of young girls in Ghana and Malawi showed that sexual abuse at school was widespread and largely ignored in many areas.

There are also less opportunities for many women to negotiate safe sex with their partners, and the practice of polygamy is still followed in some communities, further increasing the risk of infection.

A study in Brazil found that 82 percent of HIV positive Brazilian women had been infected by their own partners. In the UK, pregnant women living with HIV can receive three courses of Aids drugs throughout pregnancy, have their babies delivered by caesarean section, and have access to safe alternatives to breast milk.

These provisions mean that the risk of mother to child transmission (MTCT) in the UK is only two per cent.

However, in 2004, more than a million and a half children were affected through MTCT in Africa.

In poorer countries, where 95 per cent of HIV positive people live, the

Features 19 inescapable link between HIV and poverty has secured communities in a vicious cycle of self-destruction.

Without access to condoms, healthcare, treatment, education or even adequate HIV testing, many people die from HIV who could have lived for years in Britain.

“

Unless dramatic action is taken, by 2010 Aids wil have left behind 40 million orphans worldwide Aids is different from other types of epidemics because it affects the most productive group in society: young adults. In much of SubSaharan Africa, the life expectancy has fallen to as low as 29 years of age. Because the virus particularly claims young lives, this destroys the potential for communities rebuilding; HIV claims young teachers and nurses at a faster rate than new ones can be trained, killing those who usually take care of the very young or the very old.

The HIV crisis has become so entangled with political issues that it is difficult to think about the epidemic in isolation. For example, whilst a huge 16 percent of Zambians are living with HIV, and the estimated cost of their treatment would be $164 million per year, the government have to pay an average of $174 million every year in debt repayment. in the UK, the NHS funds the cost of treatment for people living with Aids, which can be up to £10,000 per year per person. In some of the world's poorest countries, the annual health spending can be as low as £7 per person.

Whilst there have been some efforts to bring international drug prices down, even at a basic cost anti-Aids drugs are simply out of reach for many in poorer countries.

The agreement on Trade-Related Aspects of Intellectual Property Rights (TRIPS), introduced in 1995 by the World Trade Organisation, protects companies by stopping anyone from copying their products.

These TRIPS give patent rights to pharmaceutical products such as Aids drugs for a minimum of 20 years. This prevents the manufacture of generic drugs, which can be up to 80 percent

cheap than branded drugs.

In 1997, Nelson Mandela's government was taken to court by 39 pharmaceutical companies for allowing local companies to manufacture cheap generic Aids drugs. However, this dispute was abandoned in 2001.

In 2000, the drug company GlaxoSmith Kline were pressured into halving the cost of its drugs to certain poorer countries. These are examples of how small steps toward fair international trading have meant thousands more people living with HIV now have access to the treatment they desperately need.

As we approach World Aids Day, Thursday, December 1, it is time to let the world leaders know that making the declaration is the easy bit carrying out promises is what governments continually find harder to do.

The G8 failed to draw out a detailed plan for financing this project, or even a specific strategy plan.

Similar sweeping promises have fallen short of necessary funds, such as the Global Fund to Fight Aids, TB and Malaria, which was set up in 2001, funded by governments and private companies.

Kofi Annan, the Secretary General for the UN, has estimated that $10 billion a year is needed to fight the Aids epidemic. After a summer of bad news, Germany and Italy have already begun to claim that 'budgetary constraints' will prevent them meeting all their obligations from the July G8 summit.

Tony Blair, who was one of the main campaigners for Aids treatment at the G8, had to negotiate continually with the Bush administration's 'abstinence-only' policy, which is reluctant to fund contraceptive provision, preferring only to teach young people abstinence.

The ABC strategy (Abstinence, Be faithful or use Condoms) has been shown to be a successful compromise. This policy has been implemented in Uganda, and the government has attributed the fall in HIV rates from 18 percent to 6 percent today to the education campaigns along the ABC lines.

It is estimated that, unless dramatic action is taken, by 2010, Aids will have left behind 40 million orphans worldwide, which is equivalent to the entire number of children in the US system. This is the huge challenge which G8 leaders face. These few

years are essential, and literally millions of lives can be saved if the world leaders keep their word. The world is watching.

The Facts ! The World Health Organisation estimates that ten million lives could be saved by 2010 if the G8 target is met. ! 8,500 people die from Aids every single day. Think of that as almost half the entire number of students at Cardiff University. ! By 2010, it is estimated that there will be 18 million Aids orphans. ! A child is orphaned by Aids every 15 seconds. ! 14,000 new people are infected each day, 60 per cent of them between the ages of 15 and 24. ! 8,500 people die from Aids every single day. ! 35 million people are living with HIV/Aids worldwide, 25 million in sub-Saharan Africa alone. ! Less than two per cent of people living with HIV and Aids in subSaharan ! Africa have access to the treatment they need. ! There has been an international World Aids Day every year since 1988, to raise money and awareness, and to fight prejudice.

There will be several events in the union this year, and all the profits of the mini festival RAID in Solus on December 1 are going to HIV and Aids charities.

This one-off night will feature bands the Blims, Salvation, Kilnaboy, Live Music Society, DJs from Traffic and Xpress, jazz, drinks promotions and all sorts of festival fun! ! There are an estimated 60,000 people living with HIV in the UK, with around 27 per cent of these thought to be undiagnosed. ! 38 percent of these infections were from heterosexual sex, 48 percent through men having sex with men, and 6 per cent through drug use. ! More than 13,000 people in the UK have already died of Aids related illnesses. ! More than 16 million Africans have already died of Aids.

20

Blind Date

05 12 05

blinddate@gairrhydd.com

Soap love triangles When Kat Slater became Kat ame Moon, Mr and Mrs Moon bec the of en que and kIng new the soap world. But in true ss Eastenders style the happine 's Kat r Afte . didn't last long due departure from the square into tion rma to her transfo drunken, make-up splattered ed to be hag the couple were assum to Alfie no more. Oh, while married and usb ex-h with t she also slep er ranAndy for money and some oth bar. e win a in t me she e dom blok So Kat disappears for a few months and all of a sudden her younger, more timid sister seems more attractive.

Keep it in the family.

So let’s skip forward…

Kat returns to the square and wants to get back Kat Slater together with Alfie, who is by this point seeing Little Mo, so obviously the best solution is to go out with both of them without them knowing and decide which sister is better for him…

‘little’ Mo Slater Clearly this w as apocalypse w just an aiting to happen and what an it was… Kat hi episode t Kat hit Alfie, Ka Little Mo, t trashed the house, Kat shouted and ever yone did a lot of cr ying.

Alfie has already chosen Kat, but she chooses her sister-quite a nice Alfie Moon ending I'd say.

David Bishop David's married to g kin Lilijana, who is loo e more and more lik developHarold ever yday, cond. se e th ing chins by mes co n so bin Ro ul Pa and back to the street on s ht sig his ts se ds Lilijana. He befrien na, ija Lil ys plo em , vid Da fraud frames David for up with and then shacks ! his wife Sky Mangel

LANA...

Let’s bac Sharon Watts k to last ye track a little a r…

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EASTENDERS

Blind Date 21

of the year 2005

NEIGHBOURS Lilijana Bishop

Danny Baldwin has a reputation as a cheater but he just crossed one line too many when he started sleeping with back Danny take Will Frankie his son's girlfriend. Trampy and who will Leanne set her Leanne Battersby wasn't next? on sights happy with one Baldwin, she had to have two (lucky for viewers she didn't Frankie Baldwin skip a generation and go for Mike).

They managed to sneak around for months until his Leanne Battersby wife Frankie rumbled them both. She threw Danny out, and told Leanne to break up with Jamie. Frankie tried to keep it from Jamie but he found out and all hell broke loose but the issue remains unresolved.

We all thought Susan and Karl were like a rock Paul Robinson indestructible.

But little floozy Izzy Hoyland (yes, her again) threw a spanner in the works!

Karl's having a mid life crisis and finds a companion in Izzy, wonder why!?

He tells Susan he no longer loves her, and tries it on with Izzy, who denies him big time and continues to flaunt her 'relationship' with Max's old friend Gus under his nose.

The little vixen soon gets pregnant by Gus (who has now turned out to be a psycho).

She tells Karl it's his, to provide her baby with a father, the Izzy Hoyland over excited fool moves her into his pokey little flat and they start playing happy families.

Karl Kennedy They nearly got married, Karl to had a hear t attack, confessed his love of lot a After . baby the lost Izzy Susan, ily drama they got back together, living happ Paul until ght‌ thou we so or after ever Robinson came back on the scene.

So will Karl and Susan get back together now slut-bag Izzy is out of the picture? Here's hoping.

Susan Kennedy

Danny Baldwin Man-slag Jason becam e a onewoman man earlier this year when he started going out wit h Rovers' barmaid Violet. They we re fairly cute as couples go and all was rosy until Jason's mate and boss, Charlie Stubbs (who wa s at time going out with Shelly the Unwin, tangled web!) tried to kis s her and she reciprocated! Jason went mad, they went on a 'break' for about a week, he slept with sla g bag Sarah Platt (the one who had a baby when she was 13 ) and then got back together with Violet, her being none the wiser. She soon found out and left him crying like Todd Grimshaw a baby.

Jamie Bald win Sarah Platt also used to go out with Todd Grimshaw, yes, Jason's brother!

Sarah Platt

Violet Wilson

Jason Grimshaw

CORONATION STREET

Fashion

fashion@gairrhydd.com

The beauty Beauty in the City - we found the best places so you don’t have to

I

f you, like the majority of the female student population at this time of year, are feeling a little less than beautiful and stressed out as the festive season approaches fear not - for Quench Beauty has come to the rescue. Spending a few hours at a beauty salon indulging in a massage, a facial, or whatever your heart desires, could be just the thing you need to inject some extra sparkle into your Christmas beauty routine.

The City Centre Beauty Spot, conveniently located just off St Mary's Street in the High Street Arcade is the perfect place to unwind and be pampered with its large range of affordable beauty treatments. Look out for the door opposite Buzz and Co. that leads up to this haven.

Home of ‘The Famous Beauty Spot Hour Slot’ - this salon offers you as many treatments as you wish to fit into an hour spot for £30, mixing and matching the treatments according to how long they take. For example, you could have a collagen facial which would take up the whole hour, or for those of you who really want to

spot

stretch that student budget - a bikini wax (15 mins), eyebrow shape (10 mins) and leg wax (30 mins).

There are many other treatments available including reflexology and aromatherapy as well as the usual favourites such as manicures and pedicures.

The super-friendly, chatty beauticians make you feel relaxed.

Reasonable prices and great offers are definite bonuses. A ten percent student discount is also offered on all treatments. It is always worth looking at the board outside when passing, there are often walk in offers that are a lot cheaper than the already competitive normal rates.

Gift vouchers are also available so if you really cannot justify spending money on yourself, treat one of your girlfriends - or boyfriends (there is a wide range of treatments available for the metro-sexual male) for Christmas.

Katie Thomas City Centre Beauty Spot 1st Floor, 2 High Street Arcade, Cardiff Tel: 02920 226276

TREATMENT; Reflexology “Your brain is in your big toe” so they told me! Call me a cynic but I couldn't trust that there is any truth behind this age-old treatment. Maybe, if I'm honest, I just didn't want to face up to any health problems I don't know I have at the tender age of twenty-one!

They claim they can sense pregnancy, malignant lumps, and I don't know what else because I didn't let my beautician continue before I quickly opted for the back massage and exfoliation. What a better birthday present that is than being told you are dysfunctional and your brain is in the wrong place! Forty minutes of pure indulgence that leaves skin as soft as a Chihuahua.

Clare Hooker

V

05 12 05

idal's hair model gets his cuts and colours completely free and his experience is a good basis for review. When asked how he rated Vidal on basic hairstyling, he replied 'depends who your stylist is'. Ok, so expand... 'If staff are in their own clothes, they are qualified for open styling and generally are better at classic contemporary' so if you're like me, and judge who you want to touch your precious curls by what they are wearing, then Vidal Sassoon is the place for you.

Talk to the right stylist and you'll get originality and quality. For those of us bold enough to add a bit of colour to the look, head to their salon in the Capitol Centre. Having had triangles of red toner, to rusty shades of brown and black, even the simpler highlighted look is done to highly professional standards.

“First they peroxide all over and then add five types of blonde to avoid a one colour bleach.

Sometimes they'll do a shoeshine colour” (for those of us not quite in touch with today's hair-lingo, that’s when colour is lightly brushed through sections of your hair!). If you know what you want though, don't pay the money - an average colourist can give you the same quality, but if indecision runs through your blood, it’s essential you get it right, and from this hair veteran’s experience, Vidal Sassoon is the best of the best.

“It’s a really friendly environment in the shop, the colourists and stylists are laid back and open”... good news for the majority of us who rate the pleasure of going to get your haircut up there with going to the dentist for a filling. “Even if you feel uncomfortable when seeing a stylist, the key is to have an open mind then they can work with you and you will come out satisfied.” I'll keep that in mind next time I am challenging the stylist’s insistence that bowl cuts really are in. So boys, if your last purchase was classic Puma trainers (still in production purely for running away from the fashion police - fast) go and get a chop to update your look. “It's so relaxed, I've even had a beer a few times”... now that's service.

Emily Akers

HAIRDRESSING

22

Can’t live without...

F a s h i o n 23

Quench delves into your bathroom cupboards to find out which products are truely indispensible For a fabulous bee-stung pout without painful injections you can use alone, under your favourite lip colour, or as a treatment at night after removing make-up. Fashion can be fickle and any product claiming enhancement without surgery is sure to catch my eye! W7's new volumising lip plumper certainly will not be entering the Room 101 of cosmetics as unlike many products that claim perfection without surgery, it does exactly what it says on the tin.

Jennifer Dunkerley

Benefit Dandelion £22

ng powThis lightly tinted dusti student the of t ou le litt der is a penny. ry eve budget, but worth , it use ay ryd eve for ct Its perfe com ter win perks up a sallow g kin ma for at gre is d plexion an r tte be bit you feel that little t nine about getting up for tha night avy he am lecture after a for ts las it all of out. Best ages!

Leana Crookes

Best of the rest Fudge Hair Shaper £9 - The non-sticky, non-flaky alt ernative to wax and gel. Jam es Daniels Chanel Lip Gloss £14 Stays put all night lon g.

Clare Smith Carmex Lip Balm £3The only balm I will use. Jo Lin

g

Nail Envy tran sformed my na ils from shor t an d stubby to supe r strength long talons. Not on ly that but it mak es them extra sh iny, smooth, and whiter than white. A musthave for beau tiful nails.

Hannah Lacey

W7 Lip Plumper

OPI Nail Envy £15

Rimmel Kohl Pencil £3

It’s one of the cheapest and the best out there and you can't go wrong with a lick of this classic black kohl. This is definitely a staple for even the sparsest of make-up bags. After all, if it’s good enough for Kate Moss...

Leana Crookes

24

Food

food@gairrhydd.com

05 12 05

Top places to eat in..

Cathays

With the abundance of cafes and restaurants in Cathays, Gemma Allonson gives us a guide to some of the best places to snack

T

Tenkaichi

T

he Greenhouse Cafe is a Vegetarian and seafood restaurant serving often organic and always ethical freshly prepared and delicious food that constantly changes, at reasonable prices.

The portions are substantial and the value excellent, not forgetting the mellow atmosphere. The lack of pretension makes the Greenhouse an excellent choice to spend an evening out with an average spend of £15-20 per person. The opening times are limited so check before you go.

38 Woodville Rd, Tel: 029 2023 573

PHOTO : Luke Pavey

enkaichi japanese sushi restaurant has an extensive menu allowing scope for a quick bite or an evening out with options that allow choice for those who don’t like fish and for vegetarians.

The drinks menu includes sake, plum wine and a good selection of beers along with the usual. Although it is easy to get carried away the prices are good value and a meal for under a tenner is likely. Also, they have a 20 percent discount at lunchtime.

236 City Road, Tel: 029 2048 1888

T

C

PHOTO: Luke Pavey

athays Community Centre is the perfect place to stop for coffee, a lunch or a snack between lectures.

Just a stone’s throw down the road from the Woodville pub, the centre offers a wide range of freshly made delicious bagels or baguettes for near to or under £2.

Alternatively you could opt for a daily special of homemade soup or olives and pitta bread. Well worth the trip away from your university cafe.

36 Cathays Terrace, Tel: 02920 373 144

The Gate

he Gate Arts Centre, situated just off City Road in a converted church, has a great cafe bar with unbelievable food prices.

A starter is £2.50 and a main is £8, the delicious and generous food would easily cost at least double elsewhere. Booking is recommended as they often have open-mic nights and poetry readings among other things, as one might expect from an arts centre.

Keppoch Street, Tel: 029 2048 3344

For this year’s number one restuarant see Review of the Year - page 28

Food

25

W inter party food

Liz Mitchell gives us some handy tips for seasonal party snacks...

W

ith the onset of the Welsh winter, which seems to comprise of rain, cold rain and horizontal cold rain, going out becomes more difficult.

Taxis are expensive and umbrellas are cumbersome. But fear not, your drinking need not be disturbed. The dreadful weather provides the perfect excuse to stay in and throw a party.

Food is an important ingredient for the perfect party so you can show off your culinary creativity.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Jelly: Without doubt the easiest party treat. Simply make a big batch of brightly coloured jelly and, before it sets, stir in a selection of sweets.

To make this concoction a little more exciting simply replace some of the water used to make the jelly with vodka (don’t replace it all or it won’t set).

Ice-cream smoothie: Combine mint choc-chip ice-cream, baileys and milk in a blender. Pour into glasses. Drink.

Roast pumpkin: Cut pumpkin in half and scoop out all the seeds and mush. Then cut into slices, place on a baking tray and season with salt and pepper, and drizzle with olive oil and roast for 30-40 minutes at 200C until the pieces are browning nicely.

Pumpkin soup:

M

Winter Brews:

ulled punch – the ba sic idea is something wa rm and quite alcoholic.

Start with a big pan and add some spices - I would recommend ginger and cinnamo n. Then pour in a quantity of vodka and some apple juice.

To this basic concoc tion add decorative stars made of apple.

Try adding different ingredients for variations eg. gra pe juice or rum.

Ingredients: 700g pumpkin (peeled, deseeded and chopped), one tin sweetcorn, oil, one onion (peeled and chopped), one pint of stock (veg or chicken) Method: Fry the onion in oil until it’s softened then add the pumpkin and half the sweetcorn and season with salt and pepper. Cook for about ten minutes with the lid on. Pour in the milk and stock and simmer for about 20 minutes. Meanwhile, put the rest of the sweetcorn on a baking tray with a little oil and grill for about seven minutes until crisp.

1-WAY HIRE UK & EUROPE CAN HELP WE CAN TRANSPORT YOU & ALL YOUR KIT FROM DOOR TO DOOR!

We provide: - A fast friendly service - Help with loading and unloading - NO milage charge in Europe or UK - NO driving licence needed - NO problems

Smooth-ie

26

Gay

gay@gairrhydd.com

05 12 05

An exchange of rings gay@gairrhydd.com

By Fenar Muhammed-Ali Gay Editor As Quench goes to press this week, a landmark victory for gay couples in England and Wales will be won. As of December 5, the Civil Partnership Act which enables the legalization of same sex marriage will come into force. Gay takes a closer a look at what this will mean, as well looking at some of the reasons why certain groups remain opposed to the very idea of ‘gay marriage’.

GAY

MARRIAGE

•USA: George Bush openly rejects the idea of gay marriage.

However it is legal in some states. (San Fransico, Massachusetts)

ACROSS THE WORLD

• Denmark: The first country to legalize same-sex unions in 1989, later giving couples adoption rights. Other Nordic countries followed in the 1990s.

• Italy: Does not recognize samesex unions.

• The Netherlands: Became the first country to legalize gay marriages outright in 2001.

• Spain: Like most Roman Catholic countries, Spain does not recognize gay unions. But some northern regions, such as Navarra and the Basque country, recognize gay common-law couples and accord them rights of spouses.

T

he Civil Partnership Act will enable same-sex couples to obtain legal recognition of their relationship, giving gay couples legal legitimacy. So whilst it is not a marriage in the religious sense of the word, it will give gay partners equal treatment in a wide range of legal matters such as those already possessed by straight married couples.

These include next of kin rights, inheritance tax rights, access to fatal accidents compensation and income related benefits. With these rights also come certain responsibilities such as a duty to provide reasonable maintenance for the civil partners and any children of the family.

Although this is welcome news for many couples who have been waiting to tie the knot and have their union formally recognized in the eyes of the law, it is a battle which has not been easily won. This is due to the fact that the idea of same-sex marriage simply does not sit well with some people.

Arguably the main reason people are often opposed to same-sex marriage is that they feel its acceptance will threaten the institution of marriage, as the union of one man and one woman. Yet surely marriage is about more than mere semantics. A marriage or ‘civil partnership’ should ultimately be about the symbolic act of two adults declaring their commitment to one another in the eyes of the law. Why this should affect anyone else is unclear; but the naysayers still come out in force, claiming that such unions are religiously immoral.

Although the law is accepting of the idea, same-sex marriages will not be recognized by the Church. It would seem then that a change in the law is one thing, but a change in centuriesold traditions is quite another matter.

The question of religion has proved especially divisive due to the fact that many feel religion should not be used as a yardstick by which to make rules, and that state and religion should remain separate.

We live in an increasingly secular society, and it feels somewhat patronising, if not hypocritical, if people were to suddenly adopt a holier-than-thou

attitude in an attempt to influence the progress which is being made.

Another argument against same-sex marriages is that marriage is meant to lead to procreation. This should have no bearing on whether or not someone should be allowed to marry, regardless of their sexual orientation.

“

It is more than just a piece of paper declaring the union of two people If it were to, would we prevent the infertile from marriage? And what of heterosexual couples who choose not to have children? Are they to be denied the rights of marriage in the same way a gay couple would?

While there is still every chance that gay marriages may reflect the trends of straight marriages - like an ever-increasing divorce rate, it is difficult to deny the benefits that the passing of such legislation will have for the gay community. It’s a common misconception that gay people are highly promiscuous, and that long-term relationships are rare to say the least.

With the Civil Partnership Act, those couples who are in long-term committed relationships will be able to formalize their relationship. Hopefully, with an increase in ‘marriage’ there will be less promiscuity, and perhaps fewer STIs caused by multiple partners.

The passing of the Civil Partnership Act represents more than simply a change in the law. It is more than just a piece of paper declaring the union of two people. It is a demonstration of how far society has come in terms of its acceptance and its attitudes towards homosexuality. Although there is no guarantee that all gay marriages will last forever and be trouble free, that is surely not the point. What is important is that gay couples willl be at long last able to achieve legitimacy, and be given the opportunity to finally acknowledge their relationships legally. Some would say it’s about time.

Fenar Muhammed-Ali

Going Out

goingout@gairrhydd.com

Going Out of Cardiff

...Newport S

hocking as it may seem, there is a world outside of Cardiff.

Well, more of Wales at least. So if you ever fancy a day trip without quite going over the bridge, here are a few ideas for some entertainment in Newport.

For shopping, Newport town centre is easily accessible and has some really striking architecture above the shop fronts. The streets are wide and the shops are sizeable, but there are fewer quirky arcade shops than in Cardiff.

If you want to spend a day and evening out in Newport, be warned there is a real lull between closing time of shops, and opening time of bars and restaurants. If you’re used to the constant buzz of Cardiff, the town will feel almost dead during this time, but by half six, everything picks up again.

There is a lot of choice for dinner, but if you’re partial to charming littlecurry houses then sample the Bombay Bicycle Club. One time winner of the South Wales Argus Indian Restaurant of the year, this place has fast and friendly service and a laid-

back ambience. Rather bizarrely, it is Tom Jones themed. But if you’re not a fan, don’t be put off- this is somewhat unobtrusive, consisting only of several framed pictures of the Welsh wonder, and his hits for background music.

They certainly don’t rely on this gimmick for custom; the food is excellent.

I can recommend the Saag Aloo and Peshwari.

For drinking, there are some gems in amongst the inevitable Wetherspoon and other such generic bars. La Bamba cocktail bar and pizzeria is small but appealing, with ethnic decor, inviting leather sofas and a diverse cocktail menu. Subtle dance music is played, despite the venue’s no dancing rule, and the atmosphere is unpretentious. Both La Bamba and the Bombay Bicycle Club operate two for one deals on their main menus.

If you’re looking for a decent pub to watch a football match in, then Jarcal’s is ideal. Their interior includes a large viewing screen with clear sound, and is attractively decorated. Unfortunately, the soft drinks menu in particular is very limited and

05 12 05

27

Newport Bristol London

NEWPORT, NEWPORT: Start spreading the news over-priced, but the staff are friendly.

If you’ve ever considered going further afield than Cardiff for a gig, but Bristol seems a bit far, The Newport Centre is an impressive venue.

Unsurprisingly, the well-known bands are less frequent than they are in Cardiff, but it’s definitely worth the trip for a bigger venue than the Great Hall that also has seating and a balcony level.

One of the main positives about Newport is that everything is within really easy access of the train station, so no taxis needed. For a mere £3 and ten minutes on the train, you won’t regret the trip, but there’s not much there that you won’t find in Cardiff. Newport is like Cardiff’s younger, more demure and far better behaved sister. But if you fancy a quieter night out, then it is definitely recommended. Clare Martin WRITE FOR GOING OUT:

JARCAL’S: Newport

Meetings 6pm, Students’ Union, Floor 4

28

A

Review of the year

t the end of the year there’s another year over, so nearly sang the chorus line of Les Miserables.

Although this is obviously a vain attempt at page-filling we thought we’d take the time to let you you know what we liked and didn’t like in the last year. Or, in the case of legend/single of the year, what our editor wanted to indulge himself with.

Anyway, sit back, enjoy and prepare to shout ‘I can’t believe they left Band X out!’

Have a great 2006, the Quench team.

BOOK OF THE YEAR THE CLOSED CIRCLE

quench@gairrhydd.com

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR CSI: MIAMI

GAME OF THE YEAR

HALF-LIFE 2 BRILLIANTLY CONCEIVED, hugely addictive, stunningly beautiful, the natural successor to the equally innovative first installment, Half-Life 2 is now available for the Xbox.

Successfully blending aspects of every notable first person shooter post-half-life into one seamless whole, from the zombie infested shotgun bonanza of Ravenholm to the guerrilla warfare of City 17 Half-Life 2 never disappoints. One of the finest FPSs money can buy.

29

FILM OF THE YEAR

SIN CITY

There was me thinking CSI was all gritty-mouthed Vegas casinos, pimps and whores, and unadulterated homicide Take a trip to CSI: Miami, a parallel universe reconstruction of the Floridan hotspot, where Vicelords cruise around in Cadillacs listening to Kasabian and the Who, and teenage girls get eaten by gigantic pythons in off-promenade marquees. Idiotically compelling and joyously implausable: the ultimate in escapist television.

BY JONATHAN COE

IN WHAT HAS BEEN an exceptional year for new titles (just check out our feature in the Books pages), picking one that stands out above all the others has not been an easy task; The Closed Circle, however, clinches it.

Featuring some of the most lovingly drawn and realistic characters in recent fiction, and marrying the personal and the political without ever needing to preach or talk down to his audience, Coe has delivered an undoubted classic for our times.

05 12 05

ALL THE PROSTITUTES, yellow blood, dismembered silent psycho, and paedophilic violence you can shake a loose gun barrel at.

A grim telling of what the world would be like if we all lived in a comic book, wore red lipstick and could kick arse whilst wearing restrictive PVC. Rodriguez indulges every whim he ever briefly considered and spent a fortune on it. Tremendous, fabulous fun.

LEGEND OF THE YEAR

KANYE WEST

In a moment that threatened to give both Mike Myers and NBC's top-brass a heart attack, Kanye's declaration that 'George Bush doesn't care about black people' was the first act of outright rebellion against one of the most inept Presidents in US history and articulately summed up the feelings of half of New Orleans. It also summed up West's give-no-shit attitude that saw him blame the spread of crack in the 80s on Ronald Reagan (listen to Crack Music).

In addition to this he also made the crossover album of 2005.In Late Registration, West produced a masterpiece – it's his year, we all just lived in it.

DAVID BLUNKETT

TOSSER OF SINGLE OF THE YEAR THE YEAR

BIOLOGY - GIRLS ALOUD

RUNNERS-UPS: ARCADE FIRE – WAKE UP, WILL YOUNG – SWITCH IT ON Who'd have thought that after the creation of One True Voice, two of the most fantastically brilliantly danceable songs of 2005 would be by creations of reality-TV? Biology is TOO good.

Simple in form, the track explodes in the chorus in typical GA style, and that saxophone?

Clarence Clemons would be proud. You can't help but picture Austin Powers' fem-bots during "The way that we talk…" but that just makes it better. Perfect pop.

Why? What do you mean why? Between drafting bloody stupid laws and generally being dodgy, it’s hard to find a reason not to hate Blunkett.

Forced to resign twice.

Twice! He’s so sleazy he makes the Tories look positively angelic. That business with the nanny makes any other New Labour cronyism look benign.

And to top it all, he keeps nailing hot blondes and can’t even see to appreciate it.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR

“THE WORST KIND OF SNAKE-OIL PREACHER MAN, HECTORING ABOUT MORALITY WITH ONE HAND IN THE TILL AND THE OTHER IN AN ACOLYTE’S KNICKERS”

MICHAEL BYWATER - VETERAN WRITER AND GAIR RHYDD HERO ON THE GUTTER PRESS

SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER SHOW OF THE YEAR SATURDAY NIGHT Fever tells the story of ambitious, street-wise teenager, Tony, who turns into the King of the dancefloor at night to escape from the reality of his troubled life.

With a passion for dance, a determination to succeed and a record box full of Bee Gees classics, Tony takes the audience to dizzying disco heights.

With some of the most talented young performers and sensational choreography, this show is undoubtedly one of the best musical events of the year.

TROY OKABASHI restaurant is one of Cardiff’s treasures. Dont be fooled by the kebab-house exterior, Troy offers some of the most delicious food in Cardiff with a wide selection suitable for veggies, vegans and the most carniverous meat eater.

The value for money is fantastic, the service attentive and friendly and what tops it all off is that you can bring your own booze that they will chill, pour and refill with no corkage fee.

EATS OF THE YEAR

TROY CITY ROAD

30

Music

music@gairrhydd.com

05 12 05

2005 sounded like this...

48 hours later, with countless pints spilled, slanderous personal insults thrown and one music editor threatening never to write for the section again, we’ve arrived at the 20 best albums of 2005.

You’re gonna love it, you’re gonna hate it, you’re gonna feed this copy of Quench into the cheese grater and stuff the shreds into your ears and run around your kitchen naked shouting ‘this is insane’, you’re so furious. Fact is, you’re not supposed to agree, so get debating, that’s the point.

Your opinions/insults: music@gairrhydd.com

05 12 05

31

#1 Stunningly spiky, sensationally sexy and superbly satisfying.

Kele and co.'s explosive entrance is still harassing stereos and filling dancefloors almost 12 months after it dropped onto the shelves, which consequently makes it the most thrilling, enduring, and fantastic album of 2005.

32 M u s i c SYSTEM OF A DOWN Hypnotize Sony/BMG

Afghanistan, Iraq et al. Sample lyric from opener Attack: "Attack all the home sand villages, attack all the schools and hospitals, you attack all the rapes and pillages". So yes, they're angry. Very, in fact, but they don't lose their sense of

humour, nor operatic sensibilities. An essential band, an essential album – even for those who think Bright Eyes are a bit much.

9/10 Will Dean

Pick he Of T k Wee

Syndrome of a Downs’ DESPITE BEING ONE of the few acts of recent years to believe they are being spied on by the CIA, System Of A Down have done little in this, the second of the Mesmerize/ Hypnotize double release, to convince us they have calmed down.

In fact the reverse is true, Hypnotize is an angry attack on US foreign policy as music has witnessed – it certainly makes Conor Oberst look a bit weedy. Not many lines go by without a damning indictment of

SUN KIL MOON Tiny Cities Rough Trade

SOAD: Hypnosis isn’t as easy as it looks

CLEARLAKE Amber Domino

CUT COPY Bright Like Neon Lights Modular

Welwyn Garden City: not EVEN a city

Murky pond

Paste

RED HOUSE PAINTERS’ Mark Kozelek has a penchant for covers, having slid effortlessly through reimaginings of songs by bands from AC/DC to Simon & Garfunkel. On this, Kozelek’s latest under the moniker Sun Kil Moon, he has recorded an entire album of Modest Mouse songs, not that you’d know it as he ensures he makes them entirely his own.

For anyone who likes the quirkiness and exuberance of Modest Mouse, this may come off as a negative but if you are a fan of the stories Brock weaves and the way he delivers them you might be pleasantly surprised.

This is a beautiful album full of yearning and melancholy and Kozelek’s voice is akin to Brendan Benson at his best (i.e. his saddest).

On stand out tracks like Tiny Cities Made Of Ashes and Convenient Parking you can happily forget Modest Mouse did these first and lose yourself in this interstellar homicide.

7/10 Harold Shiel

THE FOLLOW-UP to 2003’s criminally underrated Cedars, Amber, depressingly, is the sound of a band who, when they should be hitting their prime, seem to be increasingly running out of ideas.

Where Cedars managed the impressive trick of sounding expansive and claustrophobic, Amber just sounds claustrophobic. But hey, maybe I’m being over critical. No Kind Of Life opens the album bombastically and convincingly, and the title track is wonderfully sinister, with cellos that I imagine could only have been played by vampires (of the very beautiful, terrifyingly evil (female) variety).

Dreamt That You Died is a touching antithesis to this, singer Jason Pegg mournfully intoning; “I didn’t get the chance to even say goodbye… when I dreamt that you died”. This, however, is one of the rare moments where Clearlake drag themselves away from increasingly half-hearted, murkily produced riffage to create something beautiful; you only wish they could have done it a bit more on this album.

6/10 James Skinner

THE SUMMER MAY be a distant, hazy memory, but Australian threepiece Cut Copy are here to keep the good vibes going well into 2006.

This hugely enjoyable debut is stuffed to bursting with wiry guitars, bleeping keyboards and fuzzy baselines, but takes nothing away from the easy, perpetual groove.

Saturdays is an insanely catchy disco-anthem in the waiting, all highhats and hand claps, while Time Stands Still turns on the funk with its throbbing bass line. As a whole the album straddles the sonic divide between LCD Soundsytem and The Go! Team, capturing the complex, innovative rhythms of the former and the intoxicating euphoria of the latter.

Cut Copy may, indeed, have cut and copied a lot of their ideas from their (wide-ranging) influences, but in doing so they have managed to create a sound that is fresh, invigorating and quite brilliant. Bring on the winter of neon love. 8/10 Joe Starkey

M u s i c 33

“

Chris, We Are Scientists

1) If you could be anyone in the world for 24 hours, who would you be and why?

“Ike Turner. People say, "What's 24 hours in the life of Ike Turner all about?" Well I don't know, but now I'll be able to tell you. Is he dead? He may be. Do I take back my choice if he's dead? Absolutely not. My surveillance only gains value, I feel, in that case.”

2) If you could have a signature piece of equipment what would it look like?

“It would support primarily the forearm, which for me is the area that gets most tired over extended periods of activity, but it would also provide a general framework that the upper body could relax against.”

3) What's your favourite album of the last 12 months?

Aha! Got you on a technicality: Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, 1998, was just released here in the UK this year.

4) When and where was your happiest moment?

“02/02/06: the projected delivery date for my first son, and I'm already completely buying into the cliché that it's going to be the happiest moment of my life.This will definitively mark the first time that I've successfully made something that can run around and punch things and eat pizza and so forth.”

5) If you had a T.V channel, what would be on it?

“The idea behind my channel is that we're taking animals and we're putting them into human situations. So for instance, we take a bear and give him a job at Starbucks where not only is he making fairly complex coffee drinks, but he's also managing half a dozen other barristas who are having to do the same. We watch as he tries to figure this stuff out with his bear-mind through his dim bear-eyes, as he struggles with the day to day of this job. We take a duck and we put him in charge of a company. We find out what insights he's capable of generating. We get his duck-take on productivity, efficiency, morale -- as Managing Director, nothing falls outside of the duck's purview. We get an otter and we make him the pilot of a commercial aircraft. We tell him he's just part of the cabin crew and then -- bang -- at 30,000 feet the pilot goes to the door and bails out with a parachute and the show's host tells the otter, who is trying to open a can of V8 for an elderly lady, that he needs to now take control of the plane and get it to its destination and land it safely. We watch him deal with this in whatever way his otter-instincts tell him to.”

We get an otter and we make him the pilot of a commercial aircraft. We tell him he's just part of the cabin crew and then -- bang -- at 30,000 feet - he’s gotta take control

3 Children of Fortune

idol band-ter

If we cancelled Xmas for just one year, the money could end world poverty. I’d be Gordon Brown and cancel Xmas.

Ho Ho Ho

1) If you could be anyone in the world for 24 hours, who would you be and why?

“I would probably be Gordon Brown. I hate to be political, but if we cancelled Christmas just for one year, the money we saved would end world poverty. I'd be Gordon Brown and I'd cancel Christmas. Ho ho ho.”

2) If you could have a signature piece of equipment what would it look like?

“Great question... I guess it would be a guitar. It would be big, sunburst, ugly and beautiful at the same time and it would have a big-muff, a Pro Co Rat and a Boss OD-20 all built in. Sorry if that's a bit technical. However, I would never be sad enough to actually put my signature on it. I hate that.”

3) What's your favourite album of the last 12 months?

“Well, I have just bought the new album by Kate Bush, which is incredible, but it's too early to say that it's my favourite. 99% of 'alternative music' is absolute pish at the moment. But I can be certain when I say that my favourite record of the past year is ‘Worlds Apart’ by .....And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead.

I'm so jealous of them. They're so good.”

4) When and where was your happiest moment?

“Man, that's tough. When I first discovered the game show Deal Or No Deal presented by Noel Edmunds. It's incredible.”

5) If you had a TV channel, what would be on it?

“Deal Or No Deal. Twin Peaks. My bass player's video of a Stony Sleep gig. Devo videos. A program about the lost books of the Bible that the church have removed because it makes them look bad. Fugazi (in general). Any film with Tom Waits in it. The lesbian scene from Mullholland Drive.”

GOLDEN OLDIES

PHOTO: Luke Pa vey

PAUL WELLER Cardiff Int. Arena ov.

Saturday 26th N

KEITH FLINT: Su nday Night Feve r

THE PRODIGY Cardiff Int. Arena .

Sunday 27th Nov OPENERS AUDIO Bullys certainly made an impressive start and got the crowd worked up for the main event. Liam Howlett took to the stage and was shortly joined by Keith Flint and Maxim rising from giant drums on either side of the stage.

The Cardiff leg of the tour promoting the Their Law best of album was kicked off with its title track sounding, pulsing and thumping in the arena.

They quickly blast into newer material, including Spitfire and Hotride, for all of those fans that have caught on in recent years. For those die-hard admirers they kept the classics such as Jericho, No Good, Poison and Breathe and, of course, Flint took to the mic for the ultimate track, Firestarter. With this first class set list the crowd were also treated an awesome light display.

A good night for all; the hardcore ravers, the more subdued headbangers, and even the people passed out around edges.

Luke Pavey

SPORTING THE Gallagher-esque mullet, Weller took the stage with more swagger and rock ‘n roll in his little finger than many current bands. Breezing through each song he showed how it should be done, despite the mic echo being a little self-indulgent.

Featuring classics such as Changing Man, Wild Wood and You Do Something To Me, the sound exploded with spitting ferocity and then lulling beauty. Mixing in the new Weller looked monumental and pleased the crowd by announcing, “this next one is for anyone from Aberdare,” bursting into That’s Entertainment. The term ‘voice of a generation’ is flung about so often but it’s clear to see that Paul Weller is the one who it was coined for.

The songs sounded timeless and as your granny might say, the old ones are the best: the set embraced nostalgia as Town Called Malice sealed it, leaving me wishing he was my cool uncle. Emily Kendrick

IAN BROWN Great Hall Friday 25th Nov. WAYNE ROONEY – harmless fluffy dwarf; Vinnie Jones – cutesy pink Chihuahua; the entire Samoan Rugby team – nancy boys, that is, all compared to King Monkey malicious Ian Brown.

He bowls out clenching a Welsh flag to the opening clang of Stone Roses classic I Wanna Be Adored.

Coated in dead-beat attitude, the song brought to a close by a rousing terrace chant about the sad loss of footy playboy George Best earlier in the day.

Ten minutes later though the mood is momentarily shattered as Ian hangs over the barrier after someone squarely spits in his face. “Eh, who the fuck woz that?”, “woz it you,” finger pointed. Everyone’s hushed (stroke) cacking it.

BLONDIE St David’s Hall Tuesday 15th Nov. THERE IS SOMETHING uncomfortable about watching Deborah Harry ‘rocking-out’ on stage, kind of like how it would be watching your nan doing the same thing. Having just passed the 60 mark, Harry shuffles around as though her back is going to give way at any given moment.

That said, her unique voice is still there, the same voice of all those years ago. There is a sense that this gig is for the hardcore fans, with the New York group performing old bsides and unobvious album tracks, not just the easy-to-slip-into Greatest Hits package. There are plenty of hits thrown in throughout however, such as Dreaming and Heart Of Glass, which rouse the audience the most.

Whilst it may be felt that this tour and Greatest Hits record are merely an extra cash injection for Blondie, there is an undeniable aura around the band, something enduring, which will keep the Blondie fan base ever faithful to their heroes.

Tom Williams But it’s soon back to business; Ring Of Fire sounds murderous while Whispers creeps along, words menacingly jumping from his tongue like popcorn off a hot pan.

Stalking the stage like a sparring boxer, he’s still the hard man of indie, and on this form no one dare challenge him.

Greg Cochrane

the Brown altar IAN: Worship at rou PHOTO: James Pe

34 M u s i c

PHOTO: Adam Ga sson

ALKALINE TRIO Bristol Academy Friday 25th Nov.

DAN: Lippy

MYSTERY JETS Clwb Ifor Bach ov.

Thursday 24th N WHAT IS GOING on here? Red and green Turkish rugs line the walls.

Nautical life rings are scattered about, each containing a picture of a different scruffy beatnik. Onstage is a pink dustbin lid, an ex-army water canister, a cuckoo clock.

Why, it can only be Eel Pie Island’s favourite sons, Mystery Jets, coming to spread their unique brand of musical madness to the Welsh shores.

Tonight’s set is an absolute stormer. You Can’t Fool Me Dennis, played second, sees its delicate piano line crash into a whirlwind of guitars, synthesisers and, yes, dustbin lids. Frontman Blaine Harrison particularly, seated on his gaffertaped office chair, pummels away at his homemade percussion kit like a (homeless) man possessed.

Set closer Alas Agnes provides the night’s outstanding moment, ripped through at twice the speed while the band members hurtle into each other amid the onstage mayhem.

Chaotic maybe, but the Mystery Jets are the very essence of class.

Joe Starkey

PERFORMING IS one thing; entertaining is another. And tonight, Matthew, they’re here to entertain, and enjoy themselves in the process.

It’s a feeling that echoes through the Academy. Frontman Matt Skiba is a born performer, effeminatly strutting the stage as Marilyn Monroe would a red carpet, backed by their entourage of doom-laden hard men, sonically delivering a blistering kiss of darkpunk beauty.

Back To Hell provides the perfect foreplay, with Maybe I’ll Catch Fire the climactic release. It’s a faultless set, a perfect hour: This Could Be Love rings true. In a world where style and substance rarely meet, here they embrace to explosive effect.

An early finish it may be, but it’s what you do, not how long you last.

Sam Coare

DS CLAP YOUR HAN SAY YEAH Barfly Nov Wednesday 16th “WOOOOAAAAAHHH… get me to a party!” wails Alec Ounsworth, frontman of these most highly touted of new bands from Brooklyn, during set highlight The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth.

The Barfly tonight may not feel like a party but there is a tangible fog of anticipation hanging ominously over the stage, like we are about to bear witness to something we’ll be able to tell our grandchildren of in order to appear cool despite the onset of senility.

They are a happy bunch; well one of them is, and he really is, jumping about and clapping his hands (and saying… oh never mind). Their songs are magnificent modern pop veins

M u s i c 35 ¡FORWARD RUS SIA! Barfly Saturday 26th N ov. ¡FORWARD RUSSIA! are a band worth getting a bit excited about.

While most other bands coming out of Leeds are peddling Gang of Four inspired indie dullness ¡Forward Russia! owe more to the likes of At The Drive-In and Fugazi.

Tonight the band not only looks great, all in matching ¡! emblazed Tshirts but sound great too. The whole set flows together into a mass of edgy guitar riffs, looped keyboard samples, passionately screamed vocals and danceable drumbeats.

The sound is only complemented by having a front man who, as if hypnotized, turns into a sweaty mass of energy whenever the band start playing, constantly wrapping himself up in his mic lead and rattling from side to side.

Previous singles Twelve and Thirteen sound great (in a nice little gimmick the use of song names is dismissed in favor of simply numbering them). They’re back at the Barfly in February, everyone should go.

Si Truss shot through with the brown toxic warblings from Ounsworth’s yearning (something needle) voice. Their delivery has a certain affected nonchalance to it despite the bassist’s best efforts but when the four harmonica blasts at the end of Details Of The War ring out a person near me shivers. Harold Shiel

YOUR HANDS: Cl ap Trap

PHOTO: Kate St roud

the Matt man ALKALINE: Skiba-dibba-dibba, I’m

36 M u s i c

T

Beginners’ Guide

E

C

H

A

LTHOUGH 2UNLIMITED were fun for a while, don’t be fooled that they were in some way part or integral to the progression of this musical form.

Way back in the late seventies and early eighties, DJs such as Derrick May and Kevin Saunderson were playing out and producing what is now known as Detroit Techno. It has a unique, arpeggiated drum pattern and a deep, metallic mode of computed music.

Through the 80s and early 90s, it gradually became subsumed into mainstream circles. Little Louis’ French Kiss (despite being pulled from Radio 1 playlists) orgasmed all over the charts back in 1991, and was a record that pilfered the techno blueprint.

Techno hasn’t looked back. As dance music exploded, more elusive performers emerged from the UK and US. Dave Clarke’s brutal, tertiary sounds still batter-ram the sweatier northern clubs, a style which clashes with the more sparse techno rhythms of Richie Hawtin. German Techno (overseen

by Sven Vath) continues to grow.

Techno puts the ‘rave’ into rave culture. John Maher

5

DAVE CLARKE

Archive One This, the first album from the biggest UK techno star, propelled Clarke to the top of the techno tree.

LUKE SLATER

Freek Funk Prolific Slater releases an album a year, and the pulsating tones supplied in huge doses here may be enough to seriously injure those of an imbalanced nature.

Decks, EFX and 909 Trademark Hawtin sounds. Incredibly minimal but brilliantly produced and superbly effective.

O

DERRICK MAY

Innovator The seminal producer lays down the techno law. Well chaliced musical melodies.

me Beco ert p an ex £50 with

RICHIE HAWTIN

N

VITALIC

OK Cowboy Modern day European techno.

Included is the deep jaw shredder La Rock 01, enough to remove the enamel from your teeth.

JEFF MILLS

Metropolis Both as DJ and producer, Mills has served the scene well. Just a fraction of what he can do, Metropolis displays piano laden, emotional work.

FIVE ARE-LIVE ...

The top five gigs you’d be a numpty to miss...

When: Sunday 12th December Who: Envy And Other Sins Where: Barfly

Lawd Almighty! All sorts of fancy folk prancing around in full Victorian regalia! My my you sinners!

When: Sunday 12th December Who: The Pogues Where: Cardiff International Arena Where Shane McGowan turns up sober, recites Christmas-themed poetry and drinks diet Tango. In other words a good old fashioned piss-up.

When: Thursday 22nd December Who: People In Planes Where: Clwb Ifor Bach I dislike flying in planes intensely, the worst bit being those spikey forks they give you. Lethal fuckers. Rest assured there won’t be any here, just piano led loveliness.

When: Saturday 31st December Who: The Automatic Where: Barfly With 2006 theirs for the taking, everso-fashionable locals the Automatic host a booze-drowned shindig to wel-

come in the year thats going to make them bigger than Asia, or maybe Africa, whichever is bigger, you decide.

When: Thursday 26th January Who: Test Icicles Where: Barfly Testes, Testes, one, two, one two. Is this thing on? Cracking. London’s finest get down to the dirty job of sounding like a million bands at once.

Expect shouting, screaming and at least three perforated ear drums, each. Enjoy.

Arts

05 12 05

arts@gairrhydd.com

37

Grease is the word...

GREASE

THE NEW THEATRE NOVEMBER 28 DECEMBER 3

It’s the one that you want

G RUSSELL HOWARD

ART

MARTIN TINNEY GALLERY NOVEMBER 17 JANUARY 7

COMEDY CLUB STUDENTS’ UNION NOVEMBER 22 Comedy on your doorstep

A Christmas exhibition?

T

his exhibition showcases the varying styles of local and regional artists, and although it is a Christmas exhibition, this is not the prominent theme running throughout.

Rather, it contains a mixture of delicate nudes, landscape paintings, abstract images and still lifes, and not only is there a variation in styles but also in levels of skill. For example, David Jones’ theological Linoprints are striking and incredibly intricate compared to Ceri Richards’ abstract piece The Origin of Life.

This ensemble of differing artists has highlighted the talent and originality of artists such as Sally Moore, whose paintings of varying characters in surrealist situations were the most intriguing and skilled in the exhibition.

It has also shown whose work may lack the spark and creativity which the other artists have managed to convey.

But make your own decisions; the show continues to the 7th of January.

Ellen Waddell

L

ee Nelson is a brilliant support act. Sauntering on with a ‘Fuck’ t-shirt and a cigarette behind each ear, his set is half ad-libbing and half straight gag, but it’s all hilarious.

If Lee Nelson was good then Russell Howard is amazing. By the time you leave you hardly remember anything he said, but it doesn’t matter because you know, from the fact that you can’t move your cheeks the next day, that he was brilliant.

Stumbling blindly from the real to the extremely unlikely, from twelveyear-old chavs calling him “gay” to women who get turned on by anvils, and strange things that happen in York, he had the entire audience in stitches throughout, never dropping a beat.

By the time we get out, every poster in the union has been nicked by a bar full of new fans.

The Union comedy club can be a bit hit and miss but tonight was amazing, and only £4. If you ever get the chance, go and see this man.

Kirsten Hinks

rease was most definitely the word. Packed with explosive energy, well-greased quiffs and favourite jukebox jingles from the movie, Grease was an entertaining, fun-filled night of rock’n’roll.

Set in the 1950s, Grease tells the classic tale of boy-meets-girl. Sandy, the prim and proper virginal Australian, falls in love with Danny, the leader of a leather-clad gang, the TBirds. The story then embarks on the complications of high-school romance, and eventually with the help of her new friends, the sassy Pink Ladies, Sandy makes the ultimate sacrifice and changes for the man she loves.

The musical explores the friendships, romances and adventures of high-school kids in 1950s pop culture and is enhanced by dazzling dance sequences and energetic songs.

Hayley Everett, the Pop Idol runner up, put on an exceptional performance as Sandy. Her rendition of Hopelessly Devoted was nothing short of perfection. Paul Manuel’s performance was also accomplished; he played the character of Danny with both charisma and style. A surprising favourite came from Jamie Tyler, whose performance as Eugene was enjoyable and extremely comical.

The presence of a live orchestra added to the excitement and power of this production, and with creative, vibrant staging the audience couldn’t fail to be impressed.

Everywhere it goes, Grease strikes a universal chord with its irresistible mix of adolescent angst, vibrant physicality and 1950s pop culture. Grease has maintained its everlasting popularity and success and it is one wild musical that all the family can enjoy.

Rebecca Child

38

Arts

The Nutcracker December 21 - 28

It’s Panto Season!

Peter Pan Dec 17 - Jan 28

Seasonal magic abounds in this traditional story of toys coming to life on Christmas Eve. Performed by the Russian Classical Ballet at St David’s Hall, this is a treat not to be missed.

The Wizard of Oz December 13 - 31 For a magical Christmas experience, follow the yellow brick road down to Wales Millennium Centre and join Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tinman and the Cowardly Lion on their wonderful journey to the Emerald City.

Get your panto fix at the New Theatre with <ahem> Peter Pantomime (we couldn’t resist, sorry).

Take yourself back to a childhood of kids that never get old, pirates, fairies and flying boys. You can also fantasise about the becoming outfits. If you wish.

Christmas Party December 21 - 22 For a fun party night out, book a table at the Glee Club As well as your crimbo meal, you’ll be entertained by some of the country’s top comics.

This is the perfect way to escape the forthcoming Christmas madness which descends upon town at this time of year, grab your sherry and mince pies.

Merlin and the Cave of Dreams November 18 January 14

T

he Sherman Theatre’s production of Merlin is a magical experience, perfect for kids and those of us that refuse to grow up.

Before the show, the audience is entertained by various weirdand-wonderful circus tricks. We spotted a fire juggler and a silvery man on stilts on our way in.

The story of young Arthur, who has to pull the sword from the stone, is full of exciting adventure.

The old wizard Merlin takes the boy under his wing and guides him to the magical Cave of Dreams to help him discover his destiny and prove himself the true king.

The Sherman’s Christmas shows are known for their imagination and creativity and Merlin doesn’t disappoint.

It might be aimed at children, but us students can still enjoy it without feeling too guilty.

Digital HALF-LIFE 2 VALVE XB, PC

Sheer Brilliance

I

t’s been a year since Valve’s critically acclaimed masterpiece made its debut on the PC and around seven years since its equally astounding predecessor wowed us, finally Half-Life 2 has arrived on the Xbox.

The original Half-life introduced features that shaped the face of modern first-person-shooters; narrative, set pieces, balanced weaponry, credible artificial intelligence, variety and more can all be traced back to this milestone in gaming, so naturally the sequel has a lot to live up to.

Thankfully it surpasses expectations and delivers one of the best FPS experiences around. Most immediately noticeable are the graphics. This is easily the best looking game on the Xbox, with the environments from the PC version faithfully recreated, from the crisp derelict oppression of City 17, to the dark moodiness of Nova Prospekt. Still present are the brilliantly modelled NPCs, their movements and facial expressions as close to real life as games get.

Equally visible is one of Half-Life 2’s crowning features: real world physics.

This means characters and objects are all given different weight and buoyancy and allows for some truly amaz-

IPOD NANO Apple

Keeps the Doc away THE NANO IS EVEN smaller than the advert suggests, less than a centimetre thick with a smaller surface area than a credit card.

Its memory of 4GB still equates to 1,000 songs, while the colour screen

digital@gairrhydd.com ing action sequences. Killing some soldiers with a grenade results in their corpses, guns, any nearby boxes or cans launching into the sky, ricocheting off walls and breaking into pieces at the force of the explosion.

Half way through the game you’re given a ‘Gravity Gun’ allowing you to manipulate objects, pulling them towards you and firing them away at speed: grab a filing cabinet and fire it at approaching soldiers or hold onto it as you walk towards them using it as cover, or grab a buzz-saw blade and fire it at zombies to decapitate them.

The storyline is equally impressive.

Once again (and without revealing too much) you play mute scientist Gordon Freeman, as he struggles through a near future dystopia, battling the aliens that have enslaved humanity. It follows an arc that sees the player escaping the city and fleeing to safety, then rewards the player with toys like the gravity gun and the ant-lions

05 12 05

39

(you’ll see) as it leads them back in for the final assault on the oppressors. The storyline’s brilliance is revealed with hindsight; it binds potentially disparate sections of the game together and disguises the enormous variety on offer. From the high-speed boat and car driving sections, to the Starship Troopers-style bug hunt, to the large scale city assault and, more, it never disappoints.

It’s clear that Valve haven’t been sitting on their hands over the past year; HL2 on the Xbox is near identical to the PC version despite the console possessing half the power of the minimum PC requirements. HL2 is truly epic and revolutionary in scope and design, arguably the best FPS to date and certainly the best single player FPS. If you have an Xbox and don’t own the PC version buy this now. Sam Curtis City 17

allows for photo storage and games.

The downside of its ‘impossibly small’ feature is the need to literally wrap the device in cotton wool.

Designed to be used on the go, the Nano isn’t that durable: last week its metal back was scratched by a single sugar crystal on the table. It’s best to purchase a cover before you loathe your Nano for all its battle scars.

Another negative is that Apple assumes you are an iPod veteran and provides minimal instructions. That said, it is easy to use and a godsend for those of us who can’t walk anywhere without music.

Alex Wallis

Nano-Nano

40

Digital FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE EA PC, XB, GC

GUN Activision PC, X360, XB, GC, PS2

“Red wine with fish? Well that should have told me something”

“Wicked wicked wild wild west”

IT’S BEEN 8 YEARS since GoldenEye captured the lives of every teenage boy. Since Bond’s debut on the N64, the 007 franchise has been something of a black hole: money and time is poured into producing the latest title, but nothing of any quality ever emerges. Time then, for a rethink.

Despite the new 3D viewpoint and emphasis on stealth there is no reward for a conservative, thoughtful approach, with the all-guns blazing tactic an easy way to blast quickly through the levels. Action itself is regimented into the combination of shoulder buttons that not only finds the enemy in the room, but also locks your gun onto him. Wave goodbye then to the warm glow of GoldenEye where a carefully aligned headshot saw your enemy slump to the ground.

Instead, get ready to pump a single button until he falls down. It all adds up to a rather bitter, blinkered experience that fails to reward intuition or instinct.

As ever, Bond isn’t without his charm. The game is impeccably designed, with Bond’s voice provided

by Sean Connery himself, adding an authentically slick icing to bloated and somewhat dull cut-scenes. The few missions on offer are large, and do offer the possibility to explore beyond any degree of necessity. Not that you’ll notice, though, as you run quickly through the game, shooting anything as you go.

Bond games have been blighted since GoldenEye’s cult success all those years back, and although this is an improvement on recent efforts, it does nothing to make us fall in love all over again. Shaken, but hardly stirring, Mr Bond.

Sam Coare

THE BOYS AT NEVERSOFT have taken some time off from producing their ceaseless stream of Tony Hawks games, set aside their skateboards and addressed an issue many of us down here in here in dimly lit world of gaming have been musing over for some time.

You’ve finished Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, but were left with a strange emptiness inside: something was missing. If that something was the option to don a cowboy hat, mosey on into town and settle some old scores then Gun is the game for you. Expect duels at high noon, tomahawk-wielding Indians and of course guns…lots of guns.

All Games provided by the nice people at CEX situated next to Cardiff Station, the place to buy, sell or exchange games and gadgets

Draw!

On the outside Gun does seem to deliver the goods: entertaining plotline and characters, blissfully fluid control system and a Max Payne style bullet-time feature that makes dispensing your foes all that more satisfying. Numerous sections on horseback and the arbitrary queue of folks willing to dispense weapon upgrades and other goodies in exchange for your talents keeps you plenty entertained along your journey.

However Gun suffers from that most feared of game-diseases: being criminally short. Don’t get me wrong, definitely worth a play, but expect to be topping up your sipping whiskey and heading off into a ridiculously picturesque sunset after a week or so.

Nick Jenkins

THE WARRIORS Rockstar PS2, XB

“Shootin’ at the walls of Heartache” War Chief At Work

1970S NEW YORK is awash with gangs. From The Destroyers to The Orphans, The Fudge-Packers to The Warriors themselves, each is out to make their mark. This game is based on the 1979 film of the same name which has gathered itself a cult following thanks to its excellent mix of jive-talking, sharp-dressing and extreme violence, oh and a good plot to boot. Framed for a murder they didn’t commit The Warriors have to get back across New York to their home-turf of Coney Island battling the wrath of all the other gangs along the way.

You are offered the option of a storyline or a ‘Rumble’. The Rumble is self-explanatory, and the storyline…is quite self-explanatory as well…but I’ll fill in some gaps. Rather than just battering your way through the film’s plotline, you have many mini-games, bonus missions, gang history missions and training features to be getting on with as well.

The main missions involve going around in small groups with a certain objective like spraying tags on other gangs’ turf, and having depressingly similar fights with alarming regularity.

You control one Warrior at a time and the computer controlled Warriors ‘have your back’ but, annoyingly, also hold you up when you have to un-cuff one of them or save them from ‘getting wrecked’. The moves available can be fun but the novelty wears quite thin, quite quickly. Good for a giggle but a bit worrying, and a bit boring too. Harold Shiel

Film

ROAD OF THE DEAD

Rumour has it that Romero is planning a follow-up zombie epic to Land of the Dead. Starring our previous heroes, it follows their journey in Dead Reckoning to Canada.

SHREK THREE

Former Shrek director Andrew Adamson has been rumoured to be thinking about the third instalment in the fantasy franchise, which he remains closely involved in despite stepping down as director in favour of The Chronicles Of Narnia.

Film News

A LYNCHIAN FUTURE

JIM AND TIM. TOGETHER

Well it’s about time Jim Carrey and Tim Burton made a film. Even better that they’re making it about an eccentric character. The subject in question is real life explorer and American columnist Robert Ripley.

Filming is due to start in October.

David Lynch's next feature film, Inland Empire, which began its life as a project on his website, is close to completion. Having started without a script, the film is currently in post production, where details about the films plot are still typically fuzzy.

SHREK TOLD ME TO DO IT

A French boy, known as Pierre, shot and killed each member of his family as they arrived home. Whilst he was waiting he chose to watch a video of Shrek. Coincidence?

WAX OFF...

The legendary Pat Morita, better known as Mr Miyagi in the Karate Kid films, died last week. At the ripe old age of 73 it was time for the master to shuffle off this mortal coil via the means of natural causes.

M ORE Indie films

05 12 05

film@gairrhydd.com

Rumours

2005 has been the year for blockbusters, but this has led to a lack of indie and arthouse films.

We simply want more...

In true King Kong madness, the DVD Production Diaries are released. Although these are hot stuff, they should be free...

Crap DVDs

L ESS

" Forty Year Old Out on DVD this fortnight: Fantastic Four !" " Surviving Christmas !" " King Kong Sp Ed !" " Virgin !"

Out at cinemas this fortnight: Narnia ! March of the Penguins ! King Kong !" " Family Stone !" " Doom

41

film@gairrhydd

By Ryan Owen Film Editor

O

ver the past week we’ve been salivating over the prospect of the epic that is King Kong. It’s been a memorable year for films and King Kong will certainly finish it off in style.

We’re very grateful for Santa and the presents he brings. However, some of the films that he shows at Christmas are of tense debate around the yulelog and turkey sandwiches. If he is working at the BBC soon, I would personally like to see It’s a Wonderful Life, Harvey, The Great Escape, or any Indiana Jones flick...and maybe even Bad Santa.

Otherwise a pirated copy of King Kong will do me just fine.

If the possiblities for a good Christmas weren’t in order, 2006 is worth staying alive for. Coming next year in cinemas is Woody Allen’s Match Point (Jan 6), Sam Mendes’ Jarhead (Jan 13), Michael Winterbottom’s A Cock and Bull Story (Jan 20) and Aronofsky’s The Fountain later in the year. If the walk to the cinema is too cold, then look forward to the high calibre DVDs being released which you can keep an eye out for in DVDon. We at Film Desk wish you a Merry Christmas, filled with alcohol capable of causing mass genocide, presents of mass value on eBay and a New Year that ends in... well... glee.

Bad Santa=badass One of the best Santa films to have been released in recent times.

Bad Santa is quite possibly the perfect DVD to fill any stocking filler, persuade your little brother that Santa is an alcoholic or put it on at Christmas dinner and shock your mother with...

Film

By Ryan Owen Film Editor

I

t wouldn’t be an understatement to say that King Kong is the most eagerly awaited film since Sith and Jackson’s own Return of the King.

From the look of the recent King Kong Production Diaries on DVD, we can see Peter Jackson is yet again retelling a classic story in epic proportions. Gone are the hobbits, but hairy feet remain as Kong returns.

Jackson, king of splatter and gore, has abandoned punk for a more accessible style akin to that of the epic blockbuster. Here this adopted style of grand ambition reigns, remaking his personal favourite King Kong (1933) by expanding the storyline, and doubling the original’s running time to three hours, all during an intense eight-month production.

“

“

42

Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World

Much of the action takes place on Skull Island within the dark jungles, an over-sized environment where danger lurks everywhere. We also see a scientifically incorrect Tyrannosaurus Rex with three fingers instead of the normal two. Jackson chose this as a homage to the original in which the TRex had an extra digit.

More fear-instilling is Kong himself who battles enemies through the perils of Skull Island with his agility and raw brute strength. After studying gorillas in Africa, Andy Serkis embodies Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World.

We also see New York as we have never seen it before, largely shot in New Zealand where vintage vehicles, airplanes and period costumes adorn the 1933 cityscape, whilst Adrien Brody does his own stunt driving.

Film

PETER JACKSON

T

Peter Jackson was paid $20 million to direct King Kong, the highest salary ever paid to a film director in advance of production. “I’m making this for the nine-year-old Peter.” Not bad pay to remake your favourite film.

“

When Jackson was 22, he embarked on a moviemaking-adventure that would change his life. This film Bad Taste (1987), was shot on a second-hand $250 camera using friends and local people to star. Jackson directed, produced, filmed and starred in it, taking four years to complete. Shown at the Cannes film festival, it won acclaim and prizes because of its bizarre humour and overdose of special-effects. After the success of Bad Taste, Jackson became recognized as a director and the door to fame and fortune was opened.

He then made what would be ideally described as ‘a Muppet movie in bad taste’, Meet the Feebles (1989) and then his first professionally made movie, Braindead (1992).

After its success he gave up his local job becoming a well-known director of horror-movies, eventually leading to some hobbit-filled films called Lord of the Rings...

“

he story of King Kong (1933) is one that is timeless, has influenced numerous film-makers and captivated many an audience.

Plot: A film crew pay a visit to a remote tropical island, and discovers that its inhabitants are worshippers of a colossal ape called Kong. The fearsome beast takes a shine to blonde bombshell Fay Wray, which leads to his downfall. Captured and brought to New York as a Broadway attraction, Kong escapes from his captors and goes on a rampage in Manhattan, searching for the woman he loves with an unforgettable climax on the Empire State building.

Society deemed King Kong worthy of a remake in 1976 with Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange taking the lead roles. Although quite entertaining, it wasn’t a patch on the original.

Peter ‘Can-Do-No-Wrong’ Jackson helms the new Kong with an estimated expenditure of $207,000,000.

One can get quite excited about that.

Jackson on Kong: "We are trying to honour the original film and approaching it with very much the same feeling as Lord of the Rings, trying to do it with integrity, to make it feel real and to make the emotions feel real."

The new Kong movie fulfills a lifetime obsession for director Peter Jackson. The Oscar-winning Lord Of The Rings movie-maker made his first King Kong film with a cardboard set when he was just 13, so to be given a $175 million budget to remake the 1933 version is a "dream come true".

However, production was not problem-free. Jackson hired a new composer after creative differences with longtime collaborator Howard Shore.

Fear not, according to Adrien Brody.

“Peter Jackson is going to create the definitive King Kong”, and he wouldn’t lie, would he?

Whatever the outcome Jackson has shed 70 pounds working on the forthcoming epic, as well as having eye surgery. Lets hope he can personally transform Kong as well.

We’ve come to expect great things...

Released Dec 15.

43

I’m making this for the 9year-old Peter

NAOMI WATTS

JACK BLACK

ADRIEN BRODY

“It's always nerve racking to take off your clothes on film.”

Revisiting Fay Wray’s role in the oiginal 1933 version, Watts stars here as ‘The Actress’. After shining in David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive, she has had a steady mix of roles in indie and blockbuster films. King Kong sees the mixture of the two...

“I'm no Matt Damon, my goal was to be a character actor.”

Tenacious D star Jack Black is popularly known for comedic roles in Shallow Hal, High Fidelity, Orange County, School Of Rock and Anchorman.

The wisecracking funnyman stars here in a straight role as ‘The Director’...

“I'm running around in front of a green screen screaming, Where's the monkey? Where's the monkey?”

An actor for over 17 years, Adrien Brody has only just broke through to stardom after an astounding nuanced performance in The Pianist in 2002. Here he stars as ‘The Writer’...

44

Film

Welcome to Quench’s lowdown on the Cardiff Screen Festival. Here you will find reviews of a selection of films and advice on those to look out for in the not too distant future. For your perusal.

Catherine Gee - Film Ed

PROOF Dir: John Madden Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gwyneth Paltrow US, 99 mins The first film of this year’s Cardiff Film Festival is Proof. A silver screen adaptation of scribe David Auburn’s acclaimed play, which sees Hopkins, Gyllenhaal and Paltrow; as brilliant mathematicians who fear a combination of inferiority, insanity and jojoba hair conditioner.

When mentally disturbed Rober t (Hopkins) dies, his student Hal (Gyllenhaal) tries to sort through his papers in a hopeful search for the last glimmer of genius, whilst his daughter Catherine tries to sort out her head.

Added to this equation are a dysfunctional romance and an ever-calm estranged sister (Davis) who’s come to put affairs in order. British director Madden adequately exploits his cast’s talent - Paltrow as the bereaved daughter is an auspicious form - even though the script’s destination is obvious. This is a human perspective on the fragility and genius of the mind, and a touching reflection on the distinction between altruism and selfishness.

Michela Riva UNFINISHED LIFE Dir: Lasse Hallström Starring: Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman US, 100 mins

Lasse Hallström used to make good films. He’s bought us Chocolat, The Cider House Rules and The Shipping News. Now he’s working on a version of Casanova starring Heath ‘Stab Me’ Ledger and is producing schlock like this, saved from becoming a Channel Five afternoon movie purely by virtue

Cardiff Screen LIE STILL There’s a mad old lady next door, a Dir: Sean Hogan creepy landlord, and ghostly figures Starring:Stuart Lang, appearing in the TV. Pad out Nina Sosanya, Robert ominous bangs and the originwith al Blythe landlord’s ghost, and that’s it.

Really, that’s the entire film. Only UK, 100 mins Teachers’ Nina Sosanya provides even a modicum of class as John’s girlfriend Veronica.

I’m the first to admit that many things in life scare me: The John (Stuart Laing) is trying to get Fimbles, Natasha Kaplinsky, Yakult. over a broken relationship and get But I watched this with the lead on with life in a new house, but scary character sat immediately strange things are afoot... behind me (Robert Blythe), and I That ellipsis may suggest I’m still didn’t scare. Avoid this filmgoing to be mysterious about what school student nonsense at all happens. Well, bugger it. This derivcosts. ative nonsense doesn’t deserve it.

Andrew Mickel

THE MATADOR Dir: Richard Shepard Starring: Pierce Brosnan US, 96 mins

PROOF: Paltrow and Gyllenhaal of the actors he can afford.

This cast is evidently aware of the trash they’re in. Fortunately, they’re parts they’ve all played so much they’ve perfected them. Jean (Jennifer Lopez) is on the run from her abusive boyfriend, and is forced to stay with her dead husband’s father (Redford), a grizzly rancher.

There’s also Morgan Freeman playing his standard kindly gent, and Jenny-from-the-block has a gently spasticated child; presumably that’s just for shits and giggles. You can’t fault the cast, but the plotline is wet enough to have been lifted from Hear tbeat.

Andrew Mickel

Pierce Brosnan plays Julian Noble, a globetrotting, womanising assassin. Sound surprisingly like Bond?

Fear not, despite similar characteristics, the role is a real depar ture from Brosnan’s most famous.

On a job in New Mexico, the socially inept Julian meets Danny Wright (Greg Kinnear) over Margheritas in a bar. The friendship looks set to last after they attend a bullfight together in the city and share secrets. But then Julian tries to involve Danny in his escapades and things turn sour.

What follows is a series of subtle plot twists that are both hilarious and thought-provoking.

Brosnan is delightfully camp and seems to really enjoy himself. His sureness in the role means he gets away with the sometimes crude dialogue. Despite the film’s dark subject matter, the cast successfully carry off the wit in the writing, and locations all over the world, from Manila to Budapest, make for some spectacular shots.

Clare Martin

Festival

Film THE PROPOSITION Dir: John Hillcoat Starring: Guy Pearce, Emily Watson, Ray Winstone, John Hurt

45 T

Aus, 104 mins

of the Festival Quench’s Pick THE PUFFY CHAIR Dir: Jay Duplass Starring: Mark Duplass, Rhett Wilkins US, 100 mins

The Duplass Bros. along with ctKathryn are the writer/producer/a ing squad behind this nano-budget feature. As relatively new filmmakers with little experience between s them, they have produced the step of giants.

Josh Sagers (Duplass) has bought his dad a La-Z-Boy recliner from eBay as a nostalgic birthday present, which he must drive acrosscountry to get. He is forced to take with him his insistent girlfriend and hippie brother, Rhett (Wilkins) who provides most of the laughs in the tragi-comedy that is Josh’s life. The journey proves to be testing for all involved, and is a steep learning curve for Josh who must learn to accept the reality of his situation.

As with all participants of this year’s Caerdydd Film extravaganza, there is a threat of suicidal depression which should make for happy viewing.

Michela Riva

A Peckinpah For a Few Dollars More with emblematic Cave feedback laid over indelibly beautiful landscapes.

Set at the end of the bushranger era, this epic Australian story is a visceral, poetic study of blood ties.

Captain Stanley (Ray Winstone) presents Charlie Burns (Guy Pearce) with a proposition. To either kill his psychotic brother Arthur or he will hang his imprisoned brother Mikey on Christmas Day. It is a proposition which will have karmic repercussions for all involved.

Nick Cave's skewed morality tale has moments of great tenderness and elegy. The colonial outback has a unique desolate beauty in its dust, swarms of blowflies and exquisite sunsets. A great ensemble cast who all put in powerful performances.wen Ryan Owen

DUMPLINGS Dir: Fruit Chan Starring: Ling Bai, Mirium Yeung, Tony Leung Ka Pai HK, 90 mins

Not as much an all-out horror film, as an extremely icky drama. Dumplings emerges as something of a triumph amongst a slew of accomplished Asian cinema from the last few years, in a time when it would seem Hollywood has run dry of scares.

Mrs Lee, (Yeung) is a woman approaching middle age who has an intense worry of ageing. She visits the mysterious Mei (Bai), a former doctorcome-cook who offers her ‘special’ dumplings with the promise of rejuvenation.

The performances (Ling Bai, as the elusive and sexually-charged cook Mei is a particularly stands out) are excellent and Chan thankfully restrains himself from clichéd ‘it’s only a cat’ scares in favour of a more subtle approach.

Dumplings will not be to everyone’s taste (after viewing this, real dumplings wont be to everyone’s taste either), but it is worth watching on the basis that a director had the balls to work so well with such a potentially hazardous idea.

Don’t expect a Hollywood re-make.

Ewen Hosie

SCREAMING MASTERPIECE Dir: Ari Alexander Ergis Magnússon Starring: Björk Iceland, 87 mins

You’d be an idiot if you thought all Icelandic music was good. This, a celebration of the tight-knit Icelandic scene, does cater for both the brilliant - Sigur Ros playing a traditional Icelandic standard on a xylophone made of slate with the Pagan King of Iceland singing; and the balls - some snake-hipped, trad-rock dullards playing the “first amplified music” there has ever been in the President’s house, to a group of overdressed and suitably unimpressed high-society types.

You get the feeling that each of the people interviewed here have talked for three hours and then that’s been edited down to 18 seconds for each. While this is a problem, it allows them more time to show us some glorious tracking shots of beautifully atmospheric Icelandic vistas. There are some boring, nay, annoying, parts, where you wonder why they bothered, yet the best parts are brilliant.

Harold Shiel

46

Film

Very happy that Glitter is going to be shot MARCH OF THE PENGUINS Dir: Luc Jacquet Starring: Morgan Freeman, Narrator (voice) Out 09/12, 85 mins

G

ut-wrenching pain, strife, sacrifice and loss are juxtaposed with inspiring moments of humour, redemption, love, beauty, and accomplishment..

Narrated by Morgan Freeman (recorded in one day), it follows the annual journey that penguins endure to bring a newborn penguin into the world, as they march single file to their traditional breeding ground.

Documentarian Luc Jacquet takes us on an incomparably intimate journey through the entire breeding cycle in Antarctica devoted to the survival of its family, with no vacation from the harsh climate and relentless demands of nature.

The documentary, filmed on location in Antarctica, shows the birds' struggle to eat, live, and reproduce.

French director Luc Jacquet succeeds in making the story dramatic, compelling, and comprehensible to all.

This film's strength lies in the narration from Morgan Freeman that serves to anthropomorphise the penguins', allowing us to focus on the strategies of survival, not sentiment.

This film is visually stunning, tightly plotted, and emotionally moving. If you have any interest in nature, penguins, or just want to see a touching story of the amazing journey that penguins make simply to perpetuate their breed, definitely check this film out.

It's a masterpiece of sorts.

Ryan Owen

T

WHERE THE TRUTH LIES Dir: Atom Egoyan Starring: Kevin Bacon, Colin Firth, Alison Lohman

Dir: Mark Waters Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Mark Ruffalo

Out Now, 108 mins

Out 30/12, 95 mins

o any fans of Colin Firth, this ain’t no Pride and Prejudice, it ain’t no Bridget Jones and it certainly ain’t no Fever Pitch. Mr Darcy has gone all mean and, depending on the regard to which you hold him, you’ll either love it or hate it.

Bacon and Firth play a successful 50s Hollywood double act who separate when a chambermaid is found dead in their hotel room. The crime is never solved. Years later a young journalist (Lohman) takes up the story as part of a $1 million book deal. Then, in a twist that no one’s ever heard before, she gets dragged into a seedy Hollywood underworld.

Where the Truth Lies is yet another offering reminscent of film noir classics. Yet its attempts at being risqué seem to fall flat, instead appearing gratuitous and self-indulgent. An overtly graphic lesbian sex scene and too many lingering shots of Bacon’s (not-so-pert) naked behind don’t help matters.

Although it is a film which can hold the attention of its audience, there’s simply too much wrong with it for it to be good. Hindered by a lack of chemistry between the two leads, along with Firth’s try-hard yet ultimately unconvincing portrayal of a violent, repressed homosexual, the main saviour here is Lohman. Here is a girl with bags of charisma and Hollywood potential. But try as it might this is a long way from LA Confidential.

Catherine Gee

JUST LIKE HEAVEN

U

nfortunately Just like Heaven isn’t the Robert Smith documentary we assumed and in fact wanted. It is however, the mighty jaw-lined Reese Witherspoon who is dead in a Ghost-like tale.

AKA Bruce Campbell’s stunt chin is the fairly hot and intelligent doctor who works all the hours in any given day. She is hit in an automobile accident (un-fucking lucky) leading to her demise and the subsequent leasing of her flat. David Abbot (Mark Ruffalo) moves into her flat as an alcoholaddled, non coaster-using lonely slob.

He sees visions of her and they trivially bicker and a predictive romance soon blossoms. Between the two of them, they find out (spoiler warning) Elizabeth isn't dead after all, and actually in a coma, with the plug soon to be pulled. David, along with Elizabeth’s spirit and his buddy Jack, plan to rescue Elizabeth by stealing her supposedly dead body.

Witherspoon and Ruffalo play off each other's strengths well, with her vibrant energy contrasting and complementing his restrained skepticism.

Whilst his quiet vulnerability and endearing boyish demeanor make him a very convincing romantic lead.

Fairly predictive stuff as a rom-com chick flick but it has a spirit that is half-endearing, with hilarious John Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) as a spiritual book store clerk with subdued cosmo powers.

Ryan Owen

DOOM Dir: Andrzej Bartkowiak Starring: The Rock, Karl Urban, Dexter Fletcher Out Now, 100 mins

H

onesty counts in this world. If that’s true then Doom is dropdead fucking awful. If you wish to understand more, please read on.

The plot is similar to the game. If you haven’t played the game, tough shit, it’s superfluous anyway. The Rock stars here as the big, butch, angry lug who wishes to hurt or shoot anything in sight. The Rock seemed to be attempting ’proper’ acting. The acting didn’t seem to go down well with his face. Specifically, the big mighty vein in his head was close to popping. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard and simultaneously wanted someone to die so much.

The DVDon

Reviews you can’t refuse DEVIL’S REJECTS, 26th Nov Rob Zombie’s follow up to House of a 1000 Corpses where he... well... kind of falls a bit flat. There’s blood, guts, swearing and a few arse shots but that’s about it. Aside from the blistering soundtrack, of course, featuring such aural fun as the Allman Brothers Band, Steely Dan, Joe Walsh, David Essex, Muddy Waters, Otis Rush, Elvin Bishop, Buck Owens, Terry Reid, Kitty Wells, Three Dog Night, Blind, Willie Johnson and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Which kind of makes it worth it anyway. Catherine Gee The Don Says: “Rejected by Lucifer: cinema hotdogs, Geordie’s cock-rot, Will’s toilet trips, the Music section, boring features, otter porn, allnighters.”

SURVIVING CHRISTMAS rel. 25th November Sadly this film fails to provide a witty and insightful guide to surviving the festive period. Absent are ploys for escaping your Alzheimer-stricken grandfather's flatulence and avoiding

Oh yes I do, Domino fucking Harvey.

The other actor to note was that guy out of Lord of the Rings (Karl Urban).

Just to remind you of his calibre, he was in Ghost Ship. Need I finish my point?

Just so you don’t lose all faith in baked fucking beans, the game has guns, the film has guns, make the connection and go figure. I think that’s what my one star is for.

It did however remind me of other films. The aforementioned cinematic abortion Domino purely because of its shitness, Resident Evil because of the silly killer dogs, and a number of dire zombie movies. I really do want my 100 minutes back. This film did affect me, but in a very bad way. So much so, I destroyed Teddy Ruxpin.

I won’t go on any further because that would be a waste of yours and my precious time.

Go and see March of the Penguins and King Kong instead.

Ryan Owen your lecherous first cousin who seems to have forgotten that breeding with relatives causes third nipples.

Instead, Ben Affleck takes the career-move equivalent of fleeing Vietnam with a nine-year old bride through playing Drew Latham, a millionaire executive who pays some family $250,000 (300,000,000 Mongolian togrogs) for their yuletide familial services.

Needless to say festive high-jinx aplenty ensues as the family become increasingly less tolerant of his annoyingly overzealous enthusiasm for Crimbo. In short the film is great, and by ‘great’ I do of course mean shite. Although at one juncture an actor called Tom Kenny plays 'man wrapping gift’. Despite this high point, never has a film been more in need of some good old-fashioned reindeer porn. Andy Johnson The Don Says: “I appreciate third nipples. It gives a sense of value not found in the average two nippled person.”

SEINFELD SEASONS 5 AND 6 rel. November 28 The. Greatest. Sitcom. Of. All. Time.

No doubt about it, without Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David’s classic comedy there’d be no Friends, no Office or Extras and definitely no Curb Your Enthusiasm. These are two of the best seasons, featuring episodes like The Soup, which features Seinfeld favourite, the Soup Nazi – “No soup for YOU!” and The

Film

47

Look what Doom did Switch, in which Kramer’s name is revealed for the first time. Not to be missed by any fans of comedy, these sets are available separately or as a snazzy box set with more extras than you can shake an 80-year-old oak at.

Will Dean The Don Says: “I once tried to write a ‘show about nothing’, but NBC executives deemed it too risky. I put out the remains of a dead alligator in their sewage system.”

THE CANNELONI SPECIAL

KING KONG SPECIAL EDITION Out Now There once lived a big monkey who enjoyed a divine, trouble-free life until Man felt he should screw it all up. Monkey falls in love.

Monkey dies. Nice isn’t it?

Coinciding with Peter Jackson’s highly anticipated interpretation, this re-release of the 1933 classic is crammed full with excellent special features and emulates how far the art of re-mastering has come.

Yet with Kong being a pioneer of the music score, some might feel a little disappointed by the absence of stereo sound.

Not to worry though, this is where film began and should be appreciated as such.

Will Bebb The Don Says: “Some say man evolved from monkeys, I believe no such thing. I came directly from the blood of God and the semen of Satan ”

48

Books

books@gairrhydd.com

05 12 05

WORD: It’s the final issue of the year, and, brilliantly, a bumper one for Books. This week we bring you an interview with Patrick Neate, one of this country’s finest authors, discussing his latest novel, why literary events generally suck, music, journalism, and shizzle... Also! Avalyn Beare takes on Jose Saramago’s recently translated, Nobel Prize-winning (and very confusing-sounding) The Double in our featured review, Matt Turtle takes time out from Cult Classics to offer his erstwhile opinion on The Guardian Year 2005. A Shite History Of Everything and Gross Britain are given the Quench treatment (novelty books - are they ever a good idea? Would you want them in your stocking? Do people still have stockings (or is it just me?), Rosie Ponting looks at Nicola Barker’s Clear: A Transparent Novel, and, finally, we give you ‘2005 in books’ - a comprehensive (ish) guide to the finest titles to hit the shelves this year. It’s all going off. Dig it.

P

atrick Neate is many things; first and foremost, an author and a damn fine one too, his second novel Twelve Bar Blues recipient of the 2002 Whitbread Prize, and his latest, City Of Tiny Lights, one of the books of the year in this very publication (yeah, I’d imagine he’s pretty chuffed). He is also an award-winning critic, short story writer, hip-hop chronicler, and half of the team behind Book Slam, a literary club night - with added fun - in London. On top of this, he is also a lovely chap, as I discovered when he completed this interview from Brazil, with the help of the internet and a mobile phone. Enjoy!

Neate.

Q: Hello Patrick! Are you having a good day?

Sure. I'm currently in Rio so what's not to like? Lucky, lucky me...

Q: Could you describe City Of Tiny Lights to us in a sentence or two?

It's a take on the state of the nation masquerading as Chandlerpulp. Tommy Akhtar, my private eye of Ugandan-Indian origin, is on the trail of a missing prostitute but finds himself caught up in a national disaster.

Something like that.

Q: Did you have any specific aims in mind with this novel? Among other things it deals with the threat of domestic and international terrorism, and how the media choose to portray this to the public…

Aims? I only ever aim to tell a good story really. That said, it's inevitable and proper that your broader concerns should shine through.

And sure, I'm horrified by the degree of invention that goes on in the media representation of so-called 'terrorism’... Labels are very unhelpful for starters.

Q: Tommy Akhtar makes for a highly interesting main character, flawed in many ways but essentially decent.

Was there any particular inspiration for him as such/what are your thoughts on him?

Well... Flawed but decent sums up Philip Marlowe, doesn't it? But if the book has a central theme it's about what it means to be British right now... And Tommy's background and narrative of himself within its context is a vital part of that.

Q: A theme you often return to in your novels is that of ethnicity and the search for identity. Why does this remain such a prevalent issue for you?

Because we live in a world where people, objects and ideas migrate like never before... So how do we define ourselves? I value culture and tradition but I also recognise that an essentialist view of nationality or ethnicity is mostly unhelpful.

Q: You have contributed to a number of respected music publications in your time, and wrote an acclaimed

study of hip-hop over the globe. What is it that attracts you to music journalism?

Ha! Not much, I really became a music journalist to try and pay a few bills while I was writing novels. It's hard to say anything interesting these days.

Too often you feel you're just contributing to the verbiage, in thrall to advertisers and record company spin. I liked writing the book though. That was more of a labour of love. …And is there anything around at the moment exciting you, musically?

Not too much... I liked the last Common record, Damian Marley too.

Then lots of stuff by friends of mine; Netsayi's new album, Roger Robinson, Julia Biel... and AfroReggae, the band I'm working with here in Rio... I like music with politics and bollocks.

Q: Are there any other young British

writers of the moment you admire, or maybe feel an affinity with?

To be honest, I admire anyone who can write a book really. It's not that it's difficult, just that it requires a single-mindedness that verges on bonkers. If you can manage that single-mindedness and be both humble and socially functional too? That's some achievement. As for affinity?

Well, I consider Luke Sutherland a good friend. But I'm not sure about affinity. I mean, we don't think alike or write alike at all - although we're concerned with many of the same things.

Oh yeah, I should also say that there are a number of British writers I really like who present more work live than on the page... I love live storytelling - the power and engagement of it; people like Sophie Woolley, Francesca Beard, Charlie Dark, Crisis, Nolan Weekes... I could go on...

Q: On the last Thursday of every month you host the literary club night Book Slam in London. What do you try and inject into this night perhaps lacking in other literary shindigs?

THE GUARDIAN YEAR 2005 Giles Foden (ed.)

Atlantic Books

A comprehensive collection of Guardian articles from throughout the year

S

hould it appear ostentatious that the Guardian would document their yearly review in an aesthetic white and gold embroidered book complete with a red inside sleeve? If anthology editor Giles Foden is to be believed then such an eye-catching front cover is warranted for bringing together supposedly the finest writing by the Guardian’s unsurpassed team of reporters and commentators.

However, I had little time to enjoy it myself as the book was stolen from me after accidentally leaving it outside the Graduate bar inside the Union for a fraction of a second. But it is a pretty book and I’m sure that if he’s your typical muesli-eating,

I dunno. I just wanted to create the kind of night I'd want to go to. So it's mostly informal, unpretentious, raucous, drunken, clever and funny. And my friend Ilya and I get to play old school Pete Rock records...

Unfortunately a lot of literary shindigs I've been to are formal, pretentious, sombre, dumb and dull. And there's no Pete Rock to be heard. They are often drunken, however...

Q: Do you think there are enough young people reading these days?

These days? Enough for what? I'm quite a five percenter when it comes to this kind of thing (only without the racial politics). I mean, we live in a society which has more money and more time and a longer life than any in history and yet appears to have made little to no ideological or moral progress. So if you know, you know and if you don't, you don't.

Q: Jim Tulloh is a wonderful character, the baffled protagonist of your debut leather jacket-wearing reader of the Guardian then he was seduced by its tantalising allure just as I was.

Unfortunately, it has been a year filled with tragedies, and this is something that has not been exclusively confined to one space, but prevalent the world over. The election victories of George W. Bush and Tony Blair come to mind, but while these are probably only semi-catastrophes in the view of their opponents, the coverage is detailed, informative and illu-

“Fuck yeah!”

B o o k s 49 novel and perhaps the heart and soul of Twelve Bar Blues. I have to ask, are we likely to read of his exploits again?

Thanks. That's a nice thing to say. I think it's likely he will reappear at some point. Though as more of a bit part... I'm trying to figure out what I want to write next right now and I'm certainly leaning towards completing what I always suspected might be a trilogy.

Q: And finally, do you have any invaluable advice for aspiring young writers?

Write. I suspect that almost no-one has ever completed a novel who didn't write every day. Cultivate enough arrogance to think you've got something worth saying and enough humility to accept criticism. Too much of the first and you'll write shit, too much of the second and you'll never write. At all...

James Skinner City Of Tiny Lights is out now in hardback on Viking, and, for your interest, www.bookslam.com and www.patrickneate.com are both well worth a look minating. The writing extends to all areas of discussion, with one getting the impression that you would probably get more political and social insight into world affairs from one of these articles than by reading the Sun for a week. Additionally much of the pseudo-left wing blogging that you’ll find in many Guardian publications is noticeable through its absence.

From the last-ever legal fox hunt; England’s Ashes victory at the Oval; and from the celebrations of London’s Olympic 2012 bid before the terror of the July 7 bombings and finally the unnervingly recent Boxing Day tsunami and Hurricane Katrina, this compendium is not all disaster, and is pretty comprehensive in reflecting the shape of the last few months.

What we have then, is a measured testament to a remarkable year, complimented by some astounding photography as well as features and cartoons. So we can forgive the Guardian their feelings of grandeur and say that their pretty book is more than justified in the light of its content. Matthew Turtle

50

Books CLEAR: A TRANSPARENT NOVEL Nicola Barker Harper Perennial

‘Uber-cool’ London tale, set around Blaine’s stunt

C

ast your mind back to the summer of 2003 and David Blaine’s 44-days-in-a-box-without-food spectacle and there you have the backdrop to Nicola Barker’s Clear.

The event is monitored by the novel’s protagonist, Adair Graham MacKenny, one uber-cool office worker who develops an all-encompassing interest in the whys and wherefores of the Blaine stunt and, more particularly, the frankly weird yet bizarrely close-knit group of abstract individuals who love to lose themselves in Blaine’s shadow.

Through his burgeoning relationship with beautiful shoe-junkie Aphra and his new-found acquaintance with homeless ex-colleague Hilary, Adair begins to consider what it is that drove Blaine to commit himself to the

GROSS BRITAIN Taffy St George McScot Michael O’Hara Books

A

masochistic torture of hanging in a Perspex box over the Thames. Here the novel becomes philosophical, using the work of such intellectual heavyweights as Franz Kafka and Primo Levi to draw parallels between illusion and religion.

Unfortunately, Barker’s narrative is somewhat garbled and is unable to keep up with the highbrow ideas being introduced, leaving the reader a little dazed and confused. This is absolutely not aided by the irritatingly frequent use of italics throughout the novel, a style which is frustrating in the extreme and this, combined with

“I... am... a... prick...”

Odd facts are relayed in a neutral and detached tone, which often asserts just how, as the Queen puts it, ‘puzzling and unique’, this land’s customs are. John Maher

A SHITE HISTORY OF NEARLY EVERYTHING A. Parody

Novelty books round one. Britain.

Gross. Etc.

book written by Taffy St George McScot must be a grand, multicultural read, eh?

Inside, Britain’s various eccentricities are unravelled: its ability to build and lose empire, quarrelling between its component countries, and often confusing (embarrassed) attitudes towards sex.

Most interesting are the factoids that sprinkle the pages. It’s acceptable – you all know this one – to ‘shoot a Welshman with a bow and arrow under circumstances’ in Hereford. Moreover, EU cartographers printed a map of the UK in 2004 with Wales floating somewhere off the coast of Cornwall. Now that’s true autonomy.

The ‘French Problem’ refers to the strained relations between English and French, including Horatio Nelson’s principle that you should ‘hate a Frenchman as you do the Devil’.

Michael O’Hara Books Novelty books round two. Shite. Etc.

T

his is the parody of Bill Bryson's book A Short History of Nearly Everything, an entertaining read that arguably reinvented the way we look at science and made it fun. Immediately it's worth considering; would a parody work?

A Shite History of Nearly Everything is similar to Big Brother, promising at the start, potentially entertaining, before eventually fading into predictable and lacklustre repetition probably best illustrated through the book’s structure, which begins with ‘the big bang’ and ends with ‘the big crunch’ (supposedly how the world

NICOLA BARKER: Loves to smile the physical gaps in the text (which sometimes means there are only three lines on a page), gives the impression that Barker favoured style over substance, thus rendering it a bit too cool for school. That said, the novel is a grower with some interesting concepts and cultural references surrounding the nature of illusion and provides an amusing, upbeat account of a summer in the capital via the antics of the novel’s surreal cast.

However, Clear is too pretentiously stylish to appeal to anyone other than the epitome of Noughties London chic and would find itself more at home on the minimalist bookshelf of a South Bank penthouse apartment than that of Cardiff student digs.

Rosie Ponting will eventually end).

Perhaps the author is intent on creating writing that echoes the second word of its title - is this part of the ‘parody’? Although it's obviously the whole point of the genre that we are given a mountain of completely useless facts, for example ‘the top ten useful things to do with fire’ (which incidentally are not even in order), it's the fact that it's actually a real struggle to find anything remotely funny or shocking in the book that is its most disappointing feature - after all these are elements pretty vital when writing a parody.

“

It’s a real struggle to find anything remotely funny or shocking in this book

There are only a couple of mildly interesting facts in the book: apparently the Queen is the only person in Britain who can legally drive without a car number plate and it's speculated that dinosaurs engaged in a mating ritual best described as ‘dino-style’.

Christmas is approaching; pray that this doesn't make your stocking and be content with socks or bubble bath again instead. James Meredith

B o o k s 51 THE DOUBLE Jose Saramago Random House

Nobel prize-wining, highly original, and frankly baffling sounding novel from Portugal‘s acclaimed Jose Saramago

T

he Double is Saramago’s tenth novel and winner of the 1998 Nobel Prize for Literature. Using his original style of writing (that ignores every convention English students have ever been taught) and interesting insights into characters and their consciences, Saramago

SARAMAGO: Cleverly pondering?

Or just like, well knackered?

explores the need to be one’s ‘self’ and the desire to be individual.

Our protagonist Tertuliano Máximo Alfonso is a divorced, depressed history teacher, lacking any passion for life. Worrying about his condition, a colleague suggests a film that then starts a life-changing chain of events; he starts obsessing over a particular member of the cast and soon becomes completely isolated, even from his girlfriend Maria Da Paz. The story is one of those rare gems, being something completely unexpected, and despite some of the rather wordy chapters, still keeps the reader on their toes.

The conclusion, although dark, is beautifully written. Rather than a lame

ending as expected from anything that works so well throughout, it seems as if Saramago had this truly explosive ending in mind from the first word.

The Double has been described as a philosophical thriller, but Saramago

“

One of those rare gems... something completely unexpected

seems ultimately concerned with the use of language (a deeply hard subject to successfully translate, and therefore much praise is in order for Margaret Jull Costa). Saramago strips away even the most necessary of punctuation and indeed Máximo Alfonso ponders on his own dialogue.

Although this creates the intended feeling of a flow of consciousness, it does mean that this is no holiday read, unless you are prepared to repeat the whole chapter again. This is unfortunate, as trying to follow such a complicated narrative distracts slightly from the plot, which often underemphasizes important events so that the reader may miss them.

Saramago’s interesting approach to his protagonist is one of the saving graces of this novel. Máximo Alfonso is left to his own devices; if nothing is happening to him, then the reader is persuaded to wait too. Saramago manages to create this effect without boring the reader, and creates a protagonist who, although living through extraordinary events, is also easy to relate to and entirely believable.

Máximo Alfonso’s conscience has a persona of it’s own, often asking to be “left at the end of the street to think”. Although it is introduced as a comic character, Máximo Alfonso’s conscience does allow a moment of sense in the chaos of these absurd events, giving the reader a chance to be reminded of reality and helping to exploit the ease in understanding Máximo Alfonso’s ridiculous approach to situations.

The Double is ultimately a novel that creates a whole new perspective on the ‘self’, using language and conflict between sense and imagination to explore a chaotic, depressed mind.

Although every page is a task in itself to read, the truly original plot and different style of writing form a thrilling and gripping novel. Just lay a whole week aside to get through it.

Avalyn Beare

52

Books

I

t’s been quite a year in the world of books, with many wonderful titles hitting our shelves, both from established authors and exciting new talents. Where to begin?

JONATHAN COE: Rocking the side parting Well, Jonathan Coe’s The Closed Circle has walked off with our ‘Book of the Year’ gong (check it out in our massive review of the year), but battling it all the way were several others, not least Patrick Neate’s City Of Tiny Lights, Haruki Murakami’s Kafka On The Shore, and Cardiff University's very own Richard Gwyn’s dazzling debut novel, The Colour Of A Dog Running Away. Talking of debuts, Wales has proven a fertile ground for new talent this year, with Matthew David Scott’s Playing Mercy and Tom Fourgs’ Spookfish garnering wide acclaim; look out, also, for Orange Futures prize winner Rachel Trezise’s latest short story collection Fresh Apples, a review of which will be

2005 in books y’all

appearing early in the new year.

Also making a splash internationally are writers such as the impossibly young Hitomi Kanehara (Snakes & Earrings) and singer-songwriter Wesley Stace (Misfortune), whose first books both received tremendous reviews earlier this year; indeed soon to be receiving one too is Rattawut Lapcharoensap's brilliant, Thailand based anthology of short stories, Sightseeing.

The graphic novel also saw something of a renaissance this year, perhaps due to Sin City and A History Of Violence performing so critically and commercially well, or maybe just because people are starting to consider them as a serious art form; this year has seen many acclaimed new releases including Hellboy: Odder Jobs and two Harvey Pekar books, American Splendor – Our Movie Year and The Quitter, chronicling his younger years (he quit a lot). The following year looks to be even better, with the Bradford set, Bollywood influenced Vimanarama heading our way, as well as adaptations of Shaun Of The Dead and the inestimable 24.

What else, what else? How about…

On Beauty (Zadie Smith), Oryx & Crake (Margeret Atwood), Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (Jonathan Safran Foer), The Double (Jose Saramago), Oh The Glory Of It All (Sean Wilsey), Winkler (Giles Coren), Lunar Park (Brett Easton Ellis), Haunted (Chuck Palahnuik), The History Of Love (Rebecca Krauss), Popular Music (Mikael Neimi), Memories Of My Melancholy Whores (Gabriel Garcia Marquez), The

Harmony Silk Factory (Tash Aw), 2 Girls (Perihan Magden), Triksta (Nik Cohn), Gem Squash Tokoloshe (Rachel Zadok) Tuning Up At Dawn (Tomas Graves), Chronicles Volume One (Bob Dylan)… and probably a fair few others I can’t think of right now; all fantastic books.

Special mention too, must go to Scarlett Thomas’ superlative, subversive call to arms, PopCo, and the superb, Dave Eggers’ edited Best Of McSweeneys: Volume One, which will both be receiving some serious Quench attention come 2006, as will, of course, the best in new foreign, contemporary and graphic novels.

Honestly, we do spoil you...

James Skinner

ZADIE SMITH: Rocking the ‘fit author’ look

SCARLETT THOMAS: Just rocking out

C u l t C l a s s i c s

05 12 05

classics@gairrhydd.com

53

We are at peace, yes at peace, the Earthworm burrows, the caterpillar crawls, and the butterfly feeds. This week, a critical examination of three cornerstones of the emerging Pegg dynasty of British comedy. Peggology.

Spaced Hippies Big Train B

efore Simon Pegg hit the silver screen with the Zombie silliness that was Shaun of the Dead there was Spaced. Who would have thought that being unemployed in a North London flat would be so ridiculously ludicrous?

The show revolves around an out of work graphic artist Tim Bisley (Simon Pegg) and an aspiring journalist with permanent writer’s block Daisy Steiner (Jessica Stevenson).

The ensemble cast make the show, with Nick Frost playing Tim’s gun obsessed best-friend, Mike. Their artist flatmate Brian is another highlight, found in one episode avoiding artistic cliche by “not actually touching the canvas with a brush” but rather, as we later see, choosing to

A

ired in late 1999, the writers from Father Ted and Big Train constructed a gentle but satirical take on the 60s starring Simon Pegg.

A show that protests against sandpaper, beard-growing women, and a theme-tune sung by Pegg, is simply irresistible stuff.

Simon Pegg plays Ray, the deluded, naive and sexually repressed spokesmen of the Hippie generation.

Co-starring is his pseudo-feminist on/off girlfriend Jill (Sally Phillips), and his voice of reason and effortlessly cool friend Alex (Green Wing’s Julian Rhynd-Tutt).

“ “

I was raised as a Bohemian, brown phoncos and holitic medicine are part of my soul

Ryan Owen on how his life made him love Hippies Pegg-legend paint with his ‘member’ instead.

Part of the show’s charm is that Pegg and director Edgar Wright are undoubtedly comic-book geeks, with Zombie movie homages flying thick and fast. Tim’s hatred of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace culminates in him screaming at a seven-year-old out of a comic book store for trying to buy a Jar Jar Binks action figure “I don’t care if you’ve saved up all your 50p’s take your pocket money and get out.”

Spaced was the beginning of a comedy dynasty and in ten years I’ll be proved right... You’ll see.

Will Hitchins

E

very year thousands of children all over the country are forced to write puns for local radio stations. Welcome to life in the slightly sinister world of Big Train, a world where your partner may cheat on you with a set of temporary traffic lights and where jockeys are hunted across the vast plains of Africa by the artist formally known as Prince.

Starring the pre-Spaced Peggster in all his youthful glory in six lifechanging episodes and definitely deserving of a second series. Like a glass of mulled wine whilst sat next to the fire whilst burning those pesky Gremlins.

Ryan Owen

Pegg in a bed

The show was an orgy of Britsh talent of whom many would go on to bigger things

A creation from the minds Father Ted creators Graham Linehan and Arthur Matthews the cult-hit sketch show Big Train first screened on BBC2 on the November 9 1998 and lasted two series, the second however not appearing until 2002 by which time Linehan had left.

I Love

Big Train

The show was a perpetual orgy of British comedy talent who would go on to bigger things; Mark Heap (Spaced, Jam, Green Wing,) Catherine Tate, Kevin Eldon (Smack the Pony, Attention Scum,) Julia Davis (Nighty Night) and one Simon Pegg who would go on to write and star in Spaced before returning for the second series and then write the hugely successful Shaun of the Dead. Oh, and if that’s not enough it even had a sketch at the expense of Billie Piper’s music career, what’s not to love?

Si Truss

54 T u n n e l V i s i o n

Tunnel Vision

By TV Willy Playing the Hammond Organ CAPE GEAR

S

omething isn’t quite right here.

It just doesn’t add up. On the one hand you have a programme about cars, a live studio audience, B-list celebrities driving round a track and Jeremy ‘I’m not physically capable of having an affair’ CLARKSON (!). On the other you have one of the best shows on TV. By all accounts Top Gear should be unwatchable dross viewed by middleaged men in between waxing their Mondeo and playing air guitar to Steppenwolf.

But in the last few weeks I’ve had various people tell me how much they love the show, and – *chauvinism alert* – a few of them, surprisingly, were girls.

And not Max Power wielding petrolhead girls, but the kind of girls who normally classify automobiles by using terms like ‘that blue one’ (NB. My knowledge of cars is also pitiful – so I feel justified poking fun).

Anyway, ever the adventurer, I caught the repeat of Top Gear on Monday night at silly o’clock and, to my surprise, realised just how good it is. Format-wise it’s perfect - you can tell the producers and presenters, the other two being Richard ‘ubiquity’ Hammond and James May, are having as much fun as the BBC budgets will possibly let them.

In fact, you can imagine them sat round a table at White City…

Producer One: “I know, let’s get Jeremy to race up a mountain against

television@gairrhydd.com

CLARKSON: Pillock one of the world’s best rock climbers.”

Clarkson: “Brilliant, and how about making some real cars remote-controlled and them crashing them into caravans?”

They actually did this.

In fact, I think it’s the innate boyishness of the show that makes it so appealing to both genders and indeed people like me who wouldn’t know the difference between an Aston Martin and Aston Villa. Girls get an insight into what we men are thinking – they might even work out that while they are wittering about Aunties’ birthdays, men are actually thinking, ‘what would be faster getting around rush-hour London? A marathon runner or a man in a sports car?’ It’s no wonder we can’t remember anniversaries.

Top Gear being about cars is almost irrelevant. My earlier memories of the show seem to involve Tiff Needell driving Peugeot 406s down an A-road in Buckinghamshire – now the cars are just used as an excuse to justify Hammond et al. driving tanks into Mother Theresa. Ace. Oh, and last week they won an Emmy.

05 12 05

“

My earlier memories of the show seem to involve Tiff Needell driving Peugeot 406s down an A-road in Buckinghamshire – now the cars are just used as an excuse to justify Hammond et al. driving tanks into Mother Theresa. Ace. THE KIDS AREN’T ALRIGHT

O

n a slightly more disturbing note, I doubt any of you had the bad fortune to catch the (deep breath) International Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2005 on ITV’s sister channel ITV2*.

If you thought the real Eurovision was bad (not that you need to think too hard), then the prospect of 11year-old Scandinavians rapping about the godisaffär might be a bit much. In fact by Belgium and Croatia’s performances (at best, dire and, at worst, so hand-curlingly terrible that I found myself looking down my arms to find my fingers had mutated into hooks) I was forced to turn off and find something more appealing to do – like perform an enema on myself.

Definitely not one for the weakhearted. Unless you’re a weak hearted S Club Juniors fan that is. *Of course by sister channel I mean ITV1’s uglier, younger, nerdier and trashier than it’s sibling. Despite said sibling having as much class as Kerry Katona in an Iceland advert.

HOW DOES IT FEEL? Although no Junior Eurovisionees were covering Dylan, winner Kseniya (INSET) kicked some ass

For Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot, See You in the..

05 12 05

55

Vinyl Restin g Place End of Year 2005 Review Mega-Special with Bastian Springs

2

By Bastian Springs At the end of his tether

HARD-FI: Wank--fi more like

JAMES BLUNT: James Cunt more like

R KELLY: Genius

005 then. What in the name of Jesus MF Christ in a pissbag went on there?

It’s the end of November, so let’s sweep 1/12 of the year under the carpet like every other media cunt and sum up the year in a few paragraphs and lists. Kerpow!

2005 was a bad year for pop music. Any year that kicks off with the greatest pop band of the last 15 years (Busted) calling it a day, ain’t going to get much better. Girls Aloud successfully pissed their 100% awesome single run up the wall by releasing Long Hot Summer, at the end of a summer that was long, miserable and smelt of shit. Much like the single in fact.

Elsewhere, Britain’s taste-levels flipped the full 180, with dog-breathed, vadge-thrumper Mariah Carey suddenly becoming the epitome of cool. And Athlete, dwindling in the fuckawful indie minor-leagues for years, were given centre-stage to bore a nation’s children to vomit-stained tears.

2005 was a bad year for the rock kids too.

The spikey-belted, fringe-a-rama, non-conformists, mourning the loss of Fred Durst to the kingdom of Verve covers and acoustic minialbums, turned their attention to middle-class US angst-pop bum-heads My Chemical Romance, who revolutionised pseudo-pain and suffering to a new generation of sappy pricks with no discernable issues other than what to Tipp-ex next on their rucksack. The emotionally challenged weren’t helped, however, by two reliable acts of the genre (System of a Down and Coheed and Cambria) unleashing veritable monsters of cack as follow-ups to previous works of genius.

2005 was a good year, however, for the indie chav. The sort of plank who wears a football shirt with a scarf at an indie club.

These cock-arsed munch-heads not only had a new Ordinary Boys album AND were presented Hard-Fi on a Fred-fucking-Perry dinner plate - but they were still reeling from the lifeaffirming, sub-baggy, odes-to-rimming-Manifrom-Primal-Scream strokes of Kasabian genius on last year’s self-titled debut.

It wasn’t a bad year for the pretentious indie luvvies either. Mmm, anyone for some more Bloc Party and Test Icicles, they’re just lahvely dahling, mwah.

Fact: the word ‘angular’ has been used to

describe more stuck-up, cunted indie plonker, art-student dickwads in bands than ever before in 2005. You could almost cut yourself, these cats are so sharp!

Urgh. So to dance. Hardly the cultural megastructure it once was, and frankly with tosh like the Bodyrockers’ I Like The Way You Move, never will be again. End of fucking story.

“

2005 was a good year, however, for the indie chav.

The sort of plank who wears a football shirt with a scarf at an indie club 2005 was a bad year for people who thought they’d seen the last of David Gray too. Not only did the pig-man himself make his unawaited comeback, but they also had to deal with a) the XX to Davey Boy’s XY (“KT” Tunstall), b) his wanky little brother who still soils the sheets of his imitation army bunk (James Blunt) and c) his gobsmackingly atrocious, fucking A’-merican dope-puffing, prattling cousin (Jack Johnson). Prediction: Four Brit winners. Although Joss Stone won some of them this year, so they’ll give ‘em away to any two-bit dozy slapper that’ll lick cocaine chunks out of Robbie Williams’ ass these days.

So what will 2005 be remembered for, exactly? Will it be remembered for Pete Doherty aka the Dictionary Definition of Low Life Scum: the first person to ever get an album of his skag-addled arse-farting into an acoustic guitar into to the top ten?

Will it be designated a place in the “Music Hall of Fame” because a bunch of clammy cockrags got to number one with their debut single, using erm, exactly the same methods that the Crazy Frog did? God Bless those Arctic Monkeys though, people respect me when I pretend I like them.

You know what 2005 should be remembered for though? The greatest achievement in pop music this year, bar none? Ten words for you dear reader, ten words: R Kelly.

Trapped in the Closet. Parts 1 to 12. Genius.

Goodnight.

But at least Luther Vandross died, discuss: bastian@gairrhydd.com

8

Interviews

interviews@gairrhydd.com

05 12 05

Starstatus

“

STARSAILOR: Entertaining the crowd

“SO MUCH HAS happened in my life in the last three years,” explains Starsailor lead James Walsh. The Northern lad shuffles on the edge of his chair. He is sitting in CF10 wrapped in his fashionably scruffy coat.

He begins to unwind and elaborate.

“I am in the unusual position of being 25 years old with a wife, a kid and a pretty solid family base.” The laid-back musician does not appear fazed by the situation. But he confesses, “It can be tough. Luckily, my wife and little girl have come out with us on tour quite a bit. Because it is not like being with Mötley Crüe or anything, it is pretty easy to handle. I think I am the tamest member of the band actually. I enjoy a few beers after most gigs but I know my limitations. You want to talk to the bass player and the drummer about debauchery,” he laughs. “Most importantly though, my family are big fans of the music.”

The father has already considered whether he would like his daughter to follow in his musical footsteps. “I don’t want to push her too much,” he emphasises, “I’ll just always expose her to music and if she loves it then I'll buy her a guitar. If I thrust one in front of her she might end up hating it.”

Family life has had a big impact on Walsh’s songwriting skills. “A lot of the greatest love songs are born out of the ups, downs and frustrations of love. When you are comfortable, like I am at the moment, you have to look beyond your own world. The new album shows a fresh side of me and the band.” Indeed, it is not only the singer’s personal life that has altered since the last record. “We had to re-

A lot of the greatest love songs are born out of the ups and downs and frustrations of love group as well,” says the front man.

The band have done rather a lot of shuffling until finding the right combination. In the early years Walsh joined as a replacement. He now has a great impact on group decisions, including album titles. “My choice was Take A Look Outside. Stell or Andrew (the manager) thought we were onto something and that it was a good sentiment but that we should abbreviate it and it became On The Outside.”

The album-making process was ‘superb’ according to the musician.

“We recorded it in LA and it was so well organised. It is the most comfortable we have been. If we had any stressful times in the studio we could step outside and have a little walk around this beautiful garden. We recorded our first album in Monmouth, in Wales. The experience wasn’t quite the same though.” It is not only the location that can inspire a powerful song. One of the most touching songs on the record is Jeremiah, based on the tragedy of Jeremiah Duggan.

“I heard the story on the radio and I found it sickly touching because it came out of the blue. You feel really sad when you watch thousands of people dying in Iraq or in earthquakes. But because it is seems so far away it is hard to identify with it. Where as Jeremiah could have easily been one of our mates.”

The singer though is aware of his boundaries. “Music is a powerful way

Amira Hashish meets the best thing to come out of Wigan since, erm, meat pies and Wigan Athletic of alerting people to cases and charitable causes. But you have to be careful not to constantly point the finger because you are in danger of patronising people."

Starsailor’s approach to music has been hitting the right chord with a wide range of fans. Their success has even spanned internationally. “On the last album we did even better in Europe than in the UK. Fall to the Floor was a number one single in France.” Walsh has a theory as to why they have managed to crack the foreign markets, "They are not spoilt like in the UK. In Europe, They put us on a pedestal as the leaders and originators of our genre.”

Walsh has fears for the British music scene. “It worries me how obsessed it is with the new,” he comments. "There seems to be a trend emerging that most bands have their greatest success on their first album.

Everyone is banging on about the Arctic Monkeys. I think they will be a great band with some experience under their belts. But the chances of their later albums doing anywhere as well as their first will are pretty slim.

The same has happened with Franz Ferdinand.”

I ask Mr. Walsh where he sees himself in ten years time. “Ideally in the band,” he insists. “As long as I’m still making music that’s all that matters.

I’d love to get into making music for films.” His ambitions haven’t always remained consistent. “Up until the age of twelve I wanted to be a professional footballer. Then I discovered music.

I had two left feet so I wasn’t going to ever wear the number nine shirt for Liverpool.” Thankfully for us.