Quench - Issue 42

Q U E N C H QUENCH.GAIRRHYDD.COM > VOL 4.42 > OCT 02 2006

D IA N G UA R N T E D U T S Z IN E A G MA HE T F O YEAR

Quench goes to

HOLLYWOOD FILM FROLICS WITH DIRTY SANCHEZ WELSH PRANSTERS BACK ON THE BIG SCREEN

INTERVIEWS ARE RIGHT AT YOUR DOOR WE UNRAVEL THE TRUTH OF THIS BLOCKBUSTER

EDITORIAL the gair rhydd magazine

04 07 08 12 16 18 19 21 29 38 41 42 43 44 45

Best Student Publication 2005

Best Student Magazine 2005

OTP: Nail biting stuff Debate: Love thy Neighbour Interviews: Through the keyhole Features: Festive fun Fashion: Style and the City Food: Ready, steady, sarnie Reviews: Older, fatter, in colour Music: Best of the mud Film: Boys on film Books: Education, education, education Arts: Where the art is Blind date: Summer Lovin’ Going Out: Music therapy Sport: The Born Identity Backchat: It’s Mint

Q U E N C H Editor Sophie Robehmed Executive editor Perri Lewis Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kim O’Connor, Rebecca Child Books Daisy Beare Columnists Gareth Paisey Cult Classics Tom Brooks Debate Caleb Woodbridge Fashion Leana and Matt Hitt Features Amy Harrison, Ben Bryant Film Ewen Hosie, Ryan Owen, Si Truss Food Joanne Grew Going Out Kayleigh Excell, Rachel Clare Interviews Amira Hashish, Nicola Menage Music Mike Richards, Sofie Jenkinson, Will Hitchins OTP Grace De Ville Photography Adam Gasson, James Perou, Will Dean Travel Chris Rogers, Jim Whiteley Proof Readers Andy Rennison, Joanne Grew, Kieran Harwood Cover design Sophie Robehmed Conributors Toby Nomad, Jimmy Interpol, James Lewis, Greg Cochrane, James McConnell, Sarah Watkins, Dave Menon, TV Gareth Thought of the week: I say, young chaps, is it possible to have a mid-life crisis when you turn 21? Crumbs, maybe I am just barking mad after all…

QUENCH@GAIRRHYDD.COM

QED

S

o I'm feeling old. But that's another story. Don't worry (not that I presuming you were ever worried): I'll get over it.

A rather sub-tropical October is here, which means that everyone should be back nuzzling their dear little heads into the bosom of the 'Diff by now. How precious. And I suppose that means it's time to welcome back the dichotomy of expectations and realisations for this forthcoming academic year, yes? Oh, goody.

Anticlimaxes are the bain of my life: I dread them even though we are old friends. A prime example of the bathos I talk of: New Year’s Eve. What exactly do we expect to happen at the strike of midnight? I don't know. But what I do know is more than what usually happens.

Birthdays are another classic. As I write this, I am 15 minutes away from my 21st birthday. Essentially, I should just think of it as any other day. Easier said than done.

But anticlimax haunts not only these annual traditions. We, (now, I'm presuming), more often than not, set ourselves personal goals.

Whether it is extra-reading (yeah, right), learning a new skill (strumming slightly erratically), establishing one's former sportif self (no chest pains permitting) or finding your husband in your final year before your eggs are scraped away with the crusts of their accompanying soldiers (delusion): these are just a few examples that may, I don't know, crop up in one's mind.

Well, I think it's about time we just let our constantly-evolving selves (right on Virginia Woolf), not worry about such trifling issues. Health and happiness should be prime concerns because if you don't have that, you certainly don't have much else.

Although, fear not, that expectation your subconscious has been yearning for has been realised: yes, Quench and gair rhydd are all-colour, all-year round. Don't worry if this makes you wee a little with excitement. Unless you have also recently turned 21 and then I can't promise you that it isn't just a case of good old-fashioned incontinence.

THREE

ONE TRICK PONY (OVERRATED) BITING YOUR FINGERNAILS As much as I look forward to having no toes, I currently, and quite frequently, have no fingernails anyway.

I have always had a penchant for chomping on my fingernails when times get a little rough since a young nipper when it would satisfy my anxieties. My parents would coat my nails in that foul-tasting varnish in an attempt to kick the habit. I would battle on with my nibbling itenary regardless. But now, I have finally realised that nailbiting is definitely not able to cater for my neurosis anymore. The other night, I lay awake biting ferociously at my nails in a state of cold sweat about the topic of my editorial (true, except there was no cold sweat).

And I was left thinking what now? It didn't solve my problem and the next day, and still now, my fingers throb and hurt from my gnashers' handiwork.

Plus, it's a filthy habit (like licking a toilet seat, we know) and I'm the most self-conscious person in possession of fingers you'll ever meet. And that's hardly an ideal way for anyone to live their life now, is it

COMFY SHOES So I bought these pumps feminine from a very big, cheap store for an exceedingly small price tag of six squid. I ignore the slight rubbing sensation I have on my heel when I try them on thinking, I can bear red-hot, raw heals for affordable fashion.

But I was so wrong. And my pseudo insoles (made of kitchen towel) simply expose my sensitive skin to the flesheating leather once more. Now footwear has become another excruciating choice in my already indecisive existence.

Footwear shouldn't need such thought.

Imagine if all of my footwear caused this much pain. In fact, I'm so fortunate that we are experiencing an Indian summer.

Wearing shoes with no backs throughout winter will eventually see me develop acute hypothermia and having all of my toes chopped off. Marvellous.

(UNDERRATED) FOUR

Legend: Roy Walker

W

hen the clock struck midnight to welcome the new millennium, I knew television was never going to be the same.

Nick sodding Weir (no offence to the man as I don't actually know who he is), was to replace our Mr Walker on Catchphrase. Never would we hear 'It's good but it's not right' and 'Say what you see' in the same vain again. What I would do to speak Catchphrase gold with Mr Walker.

He's good with a hammer too, y'know; Roy was once the Northern Ireland champion for throwing the hammer. But that certainly doesn't mean this man has ever used his tool with another lady for more than 10 years like our tosser below. Say what you see, say what you see: a legend, Roy, a legend.

Tosser: Chris Tarrant

C

hris Tarrant has always been 'good' for his job description: his crisp strawberry blonde (bordering on ginger) hair, affected showbiz grin and polished laugh was ideal for Tiswas. But now, Who Wants to be a Millionaire? will never be the same again. And this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Chris Tarrant decided to bone a friend a long time ago and never

thought of telling his wife. Poor Ingrid forked out for a private detective to confirm facts.

Men frequently think with their penises but this can have devastating consequences, especially when children are involved.

Tarrant should have told his wife before a recent boozy grope indicated to the media that there were cracks already existing in their marriage.

If you're not careful, you soon won't have any friends to phone.

And you don't need to ask the audience on this one Chris.

TARRANT: Looks stupid, is stupid

ONETRICKPONY@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ONE TRICK PONY

Dice-ing with life

M

any years ago, during my first term at this most prestigious of universities, I read a book called The Dice Man. It detailed the adventures of a bored psychiatrist named Luke Rhinehart, who abandoned his routine way of life to the whim of the dice. Every decision he made was determined by the roll of a dice, which invariably landed him in some rather surreal situations. After reading this inspiring tale, I vowed to undergo this experiment myself for a short period of time.

Unsurprisingly, I never actually got round to carrying it out that semester.

Fast-forward three years and I still haven't got round to sampling dice-living. So why, you may ask, am I bothering to write about it?

It's only when you begin to make the transition from womanchild/manchild to fully-fledged adult, that you realise just how mundane real life is.

Everything seems to follow a strict routine and quite frankly, it's a bit wank. It's even worse if you're unfortunate enough to be burdened with offspring. Forgive me if I'm painting a depressing picture here, but . This summer I spent all day every day sitting at a desk which faced a wall and commuting for two hours on the wobbliest bus known to mankind. It was during a particularly mind-numbingly boring day that I recalled my unfulfilled pledge to diceliving.

It was precisely ten thirty-three a.m. and the highlight of the morning so far had been a trip to the photocopier to replicate my hand. My boss (Phil) had just overheard me referring

to him as ‘P Diddy’ and the powerful air conditioning was making my skin shrink. I felt like I'd been vacuumpacked. Things were not going well.

At that particular moment, If I'd had a dice about my person, I would have embarked on a wild and wonderful journey into the unknown. In retrospect, I'm quite glad I didn't.

We all crave spontaneity once in a while, but there's a happy medium.

Being a student is a relatively unstructured way of life, and you can get away with things that proper grown-ups can't. You could climb a tree and sing the soundtrack of Cats with a traffic cone on your

“

I have had a taste of the grown-up pie and it sure is mighty bitter head, if such actions float your boat.

Besides people thinking you were a bit of a twat, no-one would bat an eyelid. If you're a city trader and you decide to carry this out on your lunch break while sporting your best Saville Row number, a few heads would turn and you may find yourself sectioned.

The idea of an inanimate object making decisions for you is appealing because we have too much freedom of choice. We can do just about anything and go just about anywhere, yet we choose not to because some actions don't fit in

ONETRICKPONY@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Grace de Ville *Not actually her

with the roles we assign ourselves.

Luke Rhinehart wanted to travel the world, shag the chubby woman in the flat below his and get drunk at six in the morning, yet his career as a Psychiatrist prevented him from fulfilling any of his desires. The solution was simple and presented him with an escape route. It is only when we lose the security of a job, a car, a phone bill or a dentist appointment that we realise that the world is quite a daunting place without these factors, however mundane they may seem.

At the moment I'm not in any hurry to start living randomly, but watch this space. Maybe I'll change my mind tomorrow, or perhaps I'll leave it to the dice to decide...

FIVE

DEBATE

Who’s the king of daytime television?

Neighbours Toby Nomad

I

f you came to university hoping for an opportunity for intellectual debate with your peers on the rights and wrongs of the universe, you may have been disappointed. The refectories are not filled with those arguing their views on American foreign policy, but instead, like it or not, with those discussing whether or not Karl and Susan will ever get back together.

Neighbours is without doubt the king of day time television in student-ville. It is more than just a TV programme: it is an integral part of student culture. At a time when many get fed up of answering the same old questions when meeting new people, the popularity of Neighbours means it’s the best television show for allowing spontaneous discussion between relative strangers. Its cultural significance is also seen in those who have emerged from Ramsay Street Minogue, Donovan, Imbruglia, Goodrem, Valance, Fletcher - the list goes on.

To compare the show to anything else is pointless; it is simply in a league of its own. Neighbours is all about bringing a smile to the viewer’s face, unlike most hate-filled soaps. It doesn’t take itself at all seriously and never shies away from a ridiculous plot or an overused cliché.

In the past year we have seen a plane crash, murder attempts, children swapped at birth, a long-lost evil twin brother, internet romances, criminal activities, a small business called Dilldogs, and much more.

Whether it’s laughing at Elle having the same complacent face in every scene or Harold manically shaking his cheeks in a fit of discontent, Neighbours excels at providing light relief in a day filled with dreary lectures, essays and dissertations. The fact that it is on twice a day also fits perfectly into the student’s irregular timetable. It stands out as the best daytime show in a schedule packed with second-rate quiz shows and boring property shows. Anyone who says differently is, as Stingray would say, a spigging hufter!

DEBATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Deal or No Deal

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Deal is like Lost, only with an uglier cast

Anyone who says differently is a spigging hufter!

Jimmy Interpol

W

ho would have imagined a game that requires no intelligence, no skill and revolves solely around guessing would be so engrossing? But from the theme music to the inevitable ups and downs of the game, Deal or No Deal is impossible to stop watching. As Noel Edmonds always says: "every game is different."

When a game show is able to become a soap opera you know it’s doing something very special. In Deal we get to know each of the 22 players over a period of weeks, rooting for them whenever they appear on screen and sharing in the agony or ecstasy that goes with their eventual game. The fair-weather fan may not remember the games of Gaz, Geordie or Morris but the Deal die-hards will recall, with a distant glint in their eye, the sheer Shakespearean quality of their 45 minute adventures. For those of you who think this is an exaggeration you’ve clearly never skimmed over a Deal online chat forum.

And of course there’s Noel, our quotable, excitable, slightly creepy host.

A man not averse to tearing open a contestant’s emotional wound and pouring salt all over it: "Think of the things you could have bought with that!", "This may be the worst game ever, in the history of Deal Or No Deal!" His preposterous ramblings have become a major draw in themselves. Noel seems oblivious to the fact the game is totally random, yet is still able to whip the contestants and crowd into a fever of ‘positive energy’ to turn a game around.

The element of mystery around the game is also intriguing. Just how random is the game? Who is the banker?

What the hell are those drawings on Noel’s hand? It’s like Lost, only with an uglier cast.

Neighbours has had its day, Susan and Karl are back together, what else matters? Deal Or No Deal is the future of every student’s mid-afternoon viewing, it's already creamed Countdown and outdoes the daytime soaps at everything they do best. Deal or Neighbours? Deal.

SEVEN

INTERVIEWS

Knock knock... ..look who’s here!

Right At Your Door actor, Rory Cochrane, and director Chris Gorak

Right At Your Door WHAT’S THE PLOT? After multiple dirty bombs are detonated, spreading deadly toxic ash across Los Angeles, Brad (Rory Cochrane) inadvertently quarantines his wife, Lexi (Mary McCormack) outside their new home by safely sealing himself inside. With the city under siege and Martial Law in affect, Brad and Lexi struggle to survive with little supply, limited time and no information - all the while separated by thin doors and thinner sheets of plastic. When ‘help’ finally does arrive, it appears to be anything but.

Quench gets up close and personal with leading actor Rory Cochrane EIGHT

W

ith Robert De Niro, Colin Farrell, Bruce Willis, Renee Zellweger and Liv Tyler as references, you’re not likely to have much trouble with the old CV. Indeed, Rory Cochrane is no stranger to the silver screen. He first came to our attention as stoner Ron Slater on Richard Linklater’s Dazed & Confused and has continued to surprise audiences with his unconventional roles ever since.

It is not only his on-screen characters that break the Hollywood mould: the off-screen reality is that this is an upfront and honest performer who will (unlike many of his peers) admit that he was not always focused on acting. “I didn’t really know exactly the point where I wanted to be an actor,” he admits. “But I know at this point, because I never went to college, I don’t really have anything to fall back on.”

His laid-back attitude has not prevented him from nabbing some pretty impressive roles. A stint in CSI: Miami did no harm to that all-important profile.

“CSI :Miami is shown in 162 countries that’s good exposure,” says Cochrane. “It’s very popular around the world. It’s funny what people know you from, you never can tell, but that one definitely had more of a mass appeal. I’ve had a lot of police officers over the years say they like

the show, but that it takes them six months to get a DNA sample and we get it in minutes.” The actor looks back on the show with fond memories. “I have no regrets for doing that show, it was very educational and it gave me a nice opportunity to go into peoples’ houses every week.”

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I never went to college so I don’t really have anything to fall back on His role as Tim Speedle also helped him shake off the title of, ‘that guy from Dazed & Confused’.

“There definitely was for a time after that movie came out, which by the way was one of my best filmmaking experiences, where it was hard to escape the image of Ron Slater. We were all young and happy to be there, but there was definitely a period of time where they were trying to typecast me in that sort of role. You have to work your way through that.”

It seems that his hard work has paid off.

In Right At Your Door Cochrane plays Brad, husband to Lexi (Mary McCormack), LA resident and one of many shocked witnesses to the

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS dirty bombs that have exploded downtown. But he quickly discovers that, as chaos ensues and the toxic ash rains down, the effects of these explosions are only just beginning.

The screen play caught Cochrane’s attention immediately and the outcome did not disappoint. He sees the plot as more than the tale of a direct attack on an American City.

“When I read the script I thought it was well written, a tight page turner and when I saw the film I thought it was disturbing and thought provoking at the same time.”

Cochrane is not naïve though. He recognises that the movie deals with sensitive topics. “They just had a screening at the LA Film Festival and it was in Sundance. Not a lot of people have seen the film yet but of the ones who have, I think the film definitely resonates with them. They leave disturbed and definitely thinking about things.”

But the actor is no stranger to the effects of devestation: “I was living in New York when 9/11 happened, and I was also living in Los Angeles when they had that horrible earthquake when people were throwing themselves out of buildings because they were so terrified. It’s amazing how fast things can become chaotic when some horrible situation hap-

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

pens, whether it’s man made or natural, and I think it’s definitely topical.

What I like about it is that it’s doesn’t get too specific. There’s a line in the movie where Lexi says ‘do you know who’s responsible for this?’ and I say ‘does it matter?’”

The intensity of Right At Your Door took its toll on the actors. “We shot six days a week, and thank God it was a short shoot, because it was emotionally and mentally draining to do this sort of material,” he reveals.

“It was very intense. And it stayed that way. If it was a four month shoot we would have had to check ourselves into an institution by the end of it.”

“

It was emotionally and mentally draining to do this sort of material With his usual directness Cochrane confesses, “I think the whole thing was pretty uncomfortable. And then for Mary and me, we’re acting with this literal barrier of plastic and doors and glass, it’s difficult to hear each other. She has to be out there breathing in this stuff, even though it was fake ash, it was still ash. I think by the end everybody was coughing. But I think the most uncomfortable thing was the level of intensity and emotional commitment that we had to bring to the project.”

The neighbours to the set did not have an easy ride either. “They weren’t too happy with the filming,” says the lead. “We covered the streets with ash and trucks and crew and stuff, but it wasn’t that bad. We filmed in Echo Park which is not a place where there’s a tremendous amount of filming going on. But I think like New Yorkers, if there’s a film crew or set there, they’re kind of bothered by the whole thing.” And Echo Park residents are no exceptions to the ‘nosy neighbours’ myth.

“I guess when you film anything they want to know what was going on. Certainly when the street and the house is covered with some toxic looking ash they want to know what’s going on. And also you’ve got the crew who are all wearing masks

because they don’t want to breathe this crap in. I don’t blame them either.”

Cochrane’s easy-going attitude would make him an easy person to get along with so it is no surprise that he has a good working relationship with his co-star, Mary McCormack. He mentions his acting partner fondly. “Mary’s such a funny lady, talented and jovial but the material is obviously the opposite of that. We sort of just went to work and focused on doing our jobs and we had a good time after it was done. It was definitely a labour of love. I just flew in on British Airways, first class, and that’s probably five times the amount of money that I got paid to do the picture.”

Talking of Britain, Cochrane is no stranger to the UK.“I was born in New York, then I moved to Cambridge in England when I was about three months old,” he explains. “I lived there until I was almost eight. I appreciated it because zero to five are sort of your formative years. I was glad to spend them at Cambridge, which is a nice place.” Armed with an English accent Cochrane was ready to impress the States. “The girls liked the English accent,” he reminisces. 20 years later, the Hollywood stud continues to entice his fans.

COCHRANE”S R.A.Y.D VERDICT “After watching the movie for the first time, I thought that Chris had done a great job. I was just as disturbed as anybody else who has gone to see it. They screened it for me and my girlfriend and Mary and her husband. Afterwards the producers were outside the screening room, anxious to know what we thought. They asked us, and I said I needed ten minutes and a margarita.”

?

Turn over the page for The View with Right at Your Door director Chris Gorak NINE

INTERVIEWS

The View Interviews hear the viewpoint of writer-director Chris Gorak on his latest film, Right At Your Door Film-maker’s background

H

aving previously worked with Stephen Speilberg on Minority Report and David Fincher on Fight Club, Gorak tells us how he was able to draw on these experiences and apply them to Right At Your Door.

“I always thought of those films as opposing bookends to the millenium.

Fight Club looks at the social impact of life in Corporate America and Minority Report looks at the social impact of technology created by corporate America. I think ultimately seeing how these films successfully put a magnifying glass on American contemporary society helped me when thinking about Right At Your Door.”

Gorak on the actors

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T

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he Filmmakers saw many actors hoping to play lead characters Brad and Lexi during the casting process...“I met with both Rory [Cochrane] and Mary [McCormack ] on separate occasions and realised they immediately understood the weight of the story and its relevance. What we liked about Rory and Mary was that they are extremely talented and experienced actors who have the chamelion-like ability to fit into any scenario. They transcended anything we might have expected, going from zero to 100 and back to zero on the emotional scale in a single scene. It’s unbelievable and captivating to watch.”

“

“From the first incarnation of Special Effects the script we knew we needed believable-sounding news reports to “We wanted Right At Your Door to Gorak on location help intensify the disaster and clearly have a very Los Angeles feel, and place our characters in a real life and having worked on many films here in LA, I knew that I wanted to place death situation. the characters’ neighbourhood on a hillside with a view of downtown.

“If Brad was in the car, we were in With the house being almost like a character in the film, we searched the car, which means we’d put the camfor much longer than anyone expected we would in order to land the perera in the car and shoot through the fect location.” windshield. This not only maintained that claustrophobic feeling, but also oth Gorak’s previous work on films in LA, plus first-hand experilimited the visual scope of the disaster, ence of disasters informed his vision for the setting of Right At but never its intensity.

Your Door.

“We wanted the movie to flow organi“I have lived through a fire or two. Very early on I remember my wife cally and unravel. We shot the film called me when I was working in Vancouver to say how ash was falling hand-held 95% of the time. We wanted from the sky. At that time she was the only one who’d read the script it to feel as if the story was running and to her it was as if the story had become real. It’s not far fetched for ahead, not only of the audience but anyone in Los Angeles to envision ash falling like snow.” also ahead of the film crew.”

TEN

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INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FEATURES

Global Gathering:the For most of us, going to a festival involves lots of pushing for a good position, hours of queuing for the toilet and being squashed next to random people with B.O. James Lewis tells all about his very different festival experience.

M

y story begins on Sunday July 23rd. After becoming too hot and sticky sunbathing outside I dragged myself out of the heat and headed indoors.

I sat at my computer with ice cold water and decided to check out the Radio One website. On the site I fell across a link to the Six Weeks of Summer competition, and read that next weekend’s prize was a VIP weekend with Sara Cox at Global Gathering, Britain’s biggest dance event.

With bugger all money to even contemplate buying the train ticket to Global Gathering (let alone pay for my admission) I figured I had nothing to lose, and filled out the entry form. This ‘off the cuff’ choice was the best casual decision I made all summer.

Radio One loved my application form, and that week I ‘lucked out’ not only on the Colin and Edith show, but also won the head-tohead on Scott Mills’ show. So far I had beaten everyone I had come up against and I was just one

round away from Global Gathering.

Thursday night I was in London with my Cardiff housemates: Lara, Berfit and Pete, awaiting my early appearance on Chris Moyles’ show for the competition final the following morning.

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I was more concerned with soiling the studio than celebrating the grand feat After half a bottle of rosé, two pints, a double whisky and lemonade, one Long Island Ice Tea, one bottle of Corona and five hours sleep I was rudely awoken by a phone call telling me I was an hour late. My friends and I had five minutes to get down to the lobby and over to Radio One. Whoops!

Within 20 minutes I had entered the Radio One studio and was greeted by Chris Moyles and his team. Chris mistakenly assumed

James, Lara, Berfit and Pete backstage with Coxy

TWELVE

my pale face and limited vocabulary were down to nerves, but I corrected him that my hangover was the reason for my lost look and shaky disposition.

After my stylish late entry, and, in a half cut state, I beat my opponent after just four answers: I had won Radio One’s Six Week’s of Summer Second Weekender! I was going to Global Gathering for the weekend with Coxy and my best mates to get right off it, wrecked up, and to dance to some of the greatest DJs in the world.

At this point I was more concerned with soiling the studio than celebrating the grand feat of what I had just accomplished – am I cool or what?

After making our introductions to the Radio One team and the lady herself, Miss Sara Cox, we were chauffer driven to the Warwickshire countryside in a stretch hummer kitted out with six subs, a CD unit, a mirrored ceiling and strobe lights.

On the journey from London, Coxy proved to be everything we had all expected: cheeky, funny and lovely. She was our playmate and big sister for the weekend.

Could it get any better? Yeah, it could. Roll on Global Gathering.

No one will ever be able to fully comprehend exactly what we all experienced at Global. Words are simply not enough. We were given event wristbands that went way beyond the normal V.I.P. access. We had the liberty and discretion to choose wherever to go, whenever we liked, to see whoever we liked, however we liked. We were permitted on stage while artists and DJs were performing; with the flash of our bands we could get staff to open fences so we didn’t have to walk all

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FEATURES

V.I.P. way with Radio 1 the way around like everyone else.

We were on a power trip, we had won and we were going to rinse it for everything it was worth!

We hit the weekend harder than a crack smoking granny from the Valleys! We shook our asses to the electro vibes of Erol Alkan, strutted our stuff to the funk of Groove Armada, pogo sticked and screamed like little girls to the beast that is Daft Punk and chavved it up to the spine tingling euphoria of Tiesto! (and that was just Friday night…)

Saturday brought the immense DJ set of the one and only Erick Morillo, then came the derrrty bass of Audio Bullies, which was topped with the closing of the Radio One stage with Norman Cooke’s mindblowing set of heavenly lighting, pyrotechnics and banging beats!

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We hit the weekend harder than a crack smoking granny from the Valleys My memory hits a blur at this point but I do remember at least three hours of body grooving to some of the grimiest, dirt covered house (ever!) courtesy of Mr. Eric Prydz. I want to be back there…

Getting to share this with three of my best mates took this experience to another level; I have a lot

James, Lara, Berfit and Pete backstage with Pete Tong

love and thanks to the magic three that came with me!

As winners we were all given the chance of a lifetime, and I am happy to say we all grabbed it by the balls and enthusiastically sucked the most we could have out of it! As I said on air in my final interview to Chappers and Dave: “The weekend is over for me now, I am totally mashed and drained with the biggest phattest smile on my face; thank you Radio One, you have made my summer.”

James’s Ultimate Soundtrack to Global Gathering The Warm Up Session The Similou All This Love Fedde le Grand Put Your Hands Up 4 Detroit FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Raving Classics Mason - Exceeder (Original mix) Tiesto - Silence Groove Armada Superstylin’

The Chill Out Session Grandabob - HIde Me (Al Usher Dance Remix)

THIRTEEN

FEATURES

T4 on the Beach: When Quench was invited to Weston-SuperMare for T4 on the Beach, Amy Harrison jumped at the chance to schmooze with some of the biggest names in pop. Here’s how she got on...

I

remember watching Newsround as a kid, and always wishing that one day I might win one of those Press Packer competitions. I dreamt of being sent to see the musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and getting to meet Jason Donovan afterwards.

Over a decade later my dream came true, (well, not the Jason Donovan part), but I was going on the equivalent of a Press Packer assignment.

It took me ages to fall asleep the night before T4 on the Beach. The prospect of press passes meant hanging out with the stars backstage, bypassing all the crowds, and free beer. How would I cope being so close to Johnny Borrell and Dougie from McFly? I was excited to say the least.

After just a few hours sleep I was on the train to Weston-Super-Mare surrounded by hoards of fans armed

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I seriously had to contain my youthful, inexperienced giddiness

Feeder

with ‘I LUV WILL YOUNG’ banners. I felt smug knowing that in a few hours I would probably be backstage chatting with Will Young as if we were lifelong friends.

As I made my way through WestonSuper-Mare to get to the beach, I had a sudden epiphany. I forgot about all the gorgeous musicians Steve Jones, Vernon Kay and Alex Zane would be there too. Naïve… moi? Dreamer… moi? Wishful thinker… moi? Disillusioned… moi?

As I waited for my escort back stage a girl was stood at a booth next to me shouting, “Don’t you know who I am?” I looked at the girl, and I didn’t have a clue who she was. She took off her disguise (sunglasses and a baseball cap) and announced: “I’m from Shipwrecked.”

As I was escorted to the press tent I was in awe of everything. I had never been this side of a stage before. I passed the T4 bus, band tour buses and shiny black Merc’s everywhere. I seriously had to contain my youthful, inexperenced, giddiness in front of the other journalists.

On the way to the press tent I passed a big white tent so I asked what it was for. The response “That’s where the artists go. No press.” I was slightly gutted that I

e

Embrac

wouldn’t be able to schmooze with the bands like I had fantasised.

We arrived at the press tent and the whole scenario was explained to me. The artists would come through either before or after they went out to perform. The tent was split into three sections, one for photos, one for TV and radio crews, and a section for print journalists. I was allowed to stay in the tent the whole day but could also go to the golden circle at the front as and when I pleased.

It all sounded amazing and I couldn’t wait for the first band. With a lack of celebrities to mingle with, I grabbed a free beer and sat chatting with some of the other journalists.

The show was opened by Basement Jaxx who were amazing.

30,000 people were dancing like crazy as Basement Jaxx belted out their classic Do Your Thing. T4 on the Beach 2006 had kicked off with style.

Pussycat Dolls

Noel E dmund

s

FOURTEEN

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FEATURES

Access all areas ly After the Basement Jaxx set I headed back to the press tent to get a photo and a quick interview. There were about 50 journalists and photographers crammed into the press tent, with everyone waiting with cameras and dictaphones poised.

Unfortunately Basement Jaxx were ushered straight past the press tent and towards the Popworld studio: this was the case for most of the big acts.

Hanging around backstage there were plenty of familiar faces from Hollyoaks, Eastenders and Sugar Rush, as well as Big Brother’s Bonney, Chantelle and Jade Goody.

Even Noel Edmunds was there, and not forgetting the entire cast of Shipwrecked. Vernon Kay, Niquita Oliver, June Sarpong and Steve Jones were wandering around throughout the day between their onstage links.

I went particularly weak at the knees when I found myself queuing for an oh-so-glamorous portaloo with Alex Zane.

I got to witness a priceless moment between Chantelle and Ciara Jansen, who plays Nicole in Hollyoaks. After asking Chantelle how she was enjoying the day, Matt Littler and Darren Jeffries who play Max and OB in Hollyoaks came over and they introduced Ciara to Chantelle. I honestly don’t know who was more star struck: they both looked at each other in awe and went all embarrassed and coy with each other.

Noel Edmunds told me he shared a similar experience when some guy came running up to him asking for a photograph. Happy to oblige he stood for the photo, then was seriously reprimanded by his teenage daughters for not introducing them to Preston from the Ordinary Boys.

Back in the press tent was a bit hit and miss. Most of the bands were ushered through the press tent quickly by their PR companies, but others were a lot more relaxed and had time to spend doing interviews.

Being by myself it was a real strug-

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

^

near

gle to get pictures of the artists as well as doing interviews.

Out of the 150 photos that I took that day, I have just one where an entire band are looking directly at my camera. It was really hard to get all the bands’ attention: my shouts of, “Cardiff University’s student magazine Quench” were somewhat drowned out by the burly photographers with SLRs who were shouting Daily Sport or Daily Star to get their pictures.

The music throughout the day was absolutely brilliant. The audience loved the show and the bands seemed to be enjoying themselves on stage too and really gave it their all. The Automatic threw their guitars into the audience while McFly were really rock and roll with the smashing of guitars. X Factor winner Shayne Ward was a clear favourite by the crowd’s response, as was Simon Webbe from Blue. Embrace, The Zutons, Razorlight and Hard-Fi performed brilliant sets. The only complaint from the audience was that the bands didn’t do enough songs.

The finale came in the form of Will Young, who I accidentally almost tripped up backstage.

Although the audience had been looking forward to his performance all day, it unfortunately did not meet expectations. His fans were disappointed that their favourite songs weren’t included in the set.

After the show had finished I left via the back way and was absolutely beaming. I walked past the artists’ tent and tried to peek in. As I looked in, out poured the Shipwrecked cast who were a little worse for ware after making the most of their 15 minutes of fame.

Going home on the train I was absolutely elated. OK, I hadn’t got to schmooze with the bands quite how I had imagined, but my day had been absolutely amazing. I got to see what goes on behind the scenes

Will Young

Shayne Ward

McFly

at such a big event, an opportunity I would never have had under any other circumstances.

FIFTEEN

FASHION

New York Fashion Week Fashion Desk sizes up the catwalk straight from the Big Apple

T

he most exciting thing about New York Fashion Week seems to have been the amount of celebrity spotting made possible by publicity-hungry socialites showing up to ‘support the designer’. Luckily though, Fashion Desk was there elbowing its way through the paparazzi to bring you the best and worst collections the designers had to offer.

“

The collection is a look that’s a little disheveled...I like to call it ‘imperfectly perfect’

Best Male Collection: John Varvatos Describing his collection as a mix of punk and preppy, John Varvatos offered exquisitely tailored suits that tightened silhouettes into sharp and skinny angles. The choice of dark colours and tough fabrics made Varvatos’ spring line the most wearable of all the male lines of the week.

Unfortunately, a single suit will cost you roughly two and half years worth of student loans.

SHORT TROUSERS: cold ankles

SIXTEEN

GORGEOUS: Skinny and spotty

Best Female Collection: Zac Posen Fashion’s own Wonderboy, Zac Posen, opted to showcase variations of the classic evening dress. The neutral tones and frilly hems are sure to be all over the red carpet next year.

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FASHION Worst Female Collection: Heatherette Choosing Paris Hilton to open their runway show speaks volumes about the kind of clothes Heatherette released this season.

The show turned out to be just as camp, kitsch and grossly glamorous as its opening model. The collection itself looked like millions of little Pokemon had exploded on a Hawaiian beach.

The clothes were so neon it was actually vomit inducing. A little bit of sick came up my throat just thinking about it.

MALE MODELS: Just good friends

Worst Male Collection: Heatherette

NEW YORK RUNWAY: Fashion Weak

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

HEATHERETTE: Bum and Bummer

Unfortunately, Heatherette also made clothes for men. Aside from Graham Norton and Stevie Wonder it’s hard to imagine anyone who would find these clothes aesthetically pleasing. Apparently police had to turn people away at the door because of how full the show was. This basically proves how idiotic fashion can sometimes be.

SEVENTEEN

FOOD

Scrumptious sarnies Bored of eating the same old sandwiches? Joanne Grew offers some new and enticing ideas

T

he two-slices-of-bread-with-other-food-in-between recipe can get a little dull at times. Simple yet effective changes can be made to spice up that lunchtime snack, and successfully satisfy those hunger pangs.

Slight improvements can include swapping bread for tortilla wraps, throwing in a few herbs and spices, trying different types of cheese, and adding mayonnaise or a dressing to go with your lettuce. After all, variety is the spice of life.

Chicken and Pesto with Mayo Spread mayonnaise on to wholemeal bread and add some grilled chicken.

Sprinkle with grated parmasen, adding tomatoes and lettuce. To finish, mix pesto with some mayonnaise and spread.

Taste of India Mix together mayonnaise, natural yoghurt, coriander, cucumber and mint sauce with spring onion. Fill a wholemeal pitta bread with the mixture and then add tandoori chicken pieces with sundried tomato.

Fruity Salad Wrap Spread sour cream on to a tortilla, fill with mature cheddar, onion, mango chutney and peppers.

Sprinkle with smoked paprika and black pepper.

Thai Delight Mix Thai green curry paste with mayonnaise and spread on to white bread. Place marinated Chinese chicken onto the top and base, adding layers of spring onion, ginger, red chilli and fresh coriander.

Squeeze lime juice on it to finish.

Best Breakfast Banger Baguette

Roasted Pepper, Goat's Cheese and Basil Panini

Fry two pork and leek sausages in olive oil alongside an onion. Warm a baguette in the oven then spread it with butter and tomato ketchup with Dijon mustard. Add the sausages and onions.

Spread goats' cheese on to a panini, add roasted pepper strips and a pinch of fresh basil. Add some mayonnaise and toast under the grill for a few minutes.

Strawb Sarnie Place a layer of mozzarella cheese onto a poppy-seed bloomer. Add sliced strawberries and mango.

EIGHTEEN

Tuna and Cheese Bites Sprinkle grated cheddar cheese on to a tuna mayonnaise sandwich, add lettuce to finish.

FOOD@GAIRRHYDD.COM

REVIEWS IN REVIEWS THIS WEEK

!" Music check out this summer’s festivals !" Film deals with Dirty " Books critics the new 9-11 Sanchez and all manner of new flicks !"

"Arts look at pictures review and looks at the success of Zadie Smith !" and girls and boys !

Clerks 2: Older, fatter, in colour CLERKS 2 Dir: Kevin Smith Starring: Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Rosario Dawson, Jason Mewes Out Now, 97 mins

I

f there is one thing Kevin Smith isn’t, it’s a man of his word. After promising the return of the Clerks at the end of Dogma (a film which was its self somewhat prematurely promised in the end credits of Clerks) Smith was quoted on several different occasions as saying he would never return to the lives of Dante Hicks (O’Halloran) and Randall Graves (Anderson,) yet here we are.

Clerks 2 has been a film that divided fans of the original even before production had ever begun.

For some this was going to be the film they’d been waiting on for so long, while others were left quaking, praying that the never-entirely-reliable Smith wouldn’t tarnish the memory

REVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

of his greatest creation. It’s worth admitting that this reviewer was definitely in the later category.

In all fairness, the nerves were justifiable: Jersey Girl, Kevin Smith’s last effort, was awful, and his career in general has meandered slightly off course since the original Clerks. Yet there is no denying that Clerks 2 is the best movie Smith has made in years.

Still, it’s not all a triumphant return to form. As in the original, a large part of the Clerks 2 plot is given over to the complex love life of Dante Hicks, something which works well in the original yet is pushed way too far this time round. Every moment Rosario Dawson’s sexy love interest is on screen a feeling of pure rage takes over. It’s not that she’s bad, or even that the romantic subplot is even that obnoxious, it’s just that each moment of sentimentality detracts from what Clerks is really about; the dialog.

Oh and believe me, when the script gets going it really is funny. As ever it’s Randall who has all the best lines, and this time round he really steals the show. The references to

CLERKS 2: Comic book heros

popular culture are all there too, with a scene arguing out the relative merits of Star Wars against Lord of The Rings being up there with the funniest things Smith has ever done.

“

“That guy’s being awful forward with that donkey” Jason Mewes on intspecies erotica There’s no shortage of self referencing either, with various characters and themes from Smith’s View Askewniverse popping up all over the place, including the token Ben Affleck cameo and obviously Jay and Silent Bob are back too, with Jason Mewes as brilliantly crude as ever.

There is a point around half way through, where a dance scene, which really doesn’t gel with the feel of the film, sends the whole thing a little dangerously off course. Thank Alanis Morissette then that the film’s climax is not only brilliant but confirms the age old suspicions that interspecies sex is very, very funny.

NINETEEN

MUSIC TV ON THE RADIO: Beard

Quench’s Guide to the Great Outdoors

A

s the end of summer draws near and those Staples ‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year’ adverts start playing incessantly, the Carling Weekender arrives just in time to stop you reaching for the scissors.

Even though the number of 16year-olds dressed in tight black leg wear has continued its rapid rise you know the type…the ones who haven’t quite figured out drinking too much beer before a gig means inevitably mid-way through the set you’ll need to visit the little emo’s room. Despite this it was another hugely successful year at everyone’s second favourite English festival.

friday New York-Gypsy punks’ Gogol Bordello rocked the living daylights out of the majority of the festival acts in the way only gypsies can.

Appearing on stage like an uncontrollable Eastern European hurricane, Gogol play the sort of music that incites riots, and the crowd of the NME tent were only happy to oblige.

Armed only with an unnecessary sized moustache and an insatiable desire to cause havoc, Eugene Hutz proves the prefect punk front man, crowd surfing topless much to the pleasure of this Quench reviewer.

Eagles of Death Metal filled the

GOGOL BORDELLO: Moustache

Carling tent with the promise of love metal filling all our ears and the hope of catching a fleeting glimpse of Mr Josh Homme. Unfortunately for all involved he didn’t turn up, but the crowd were still left dancing away, gazing admiringly at the larger than life figure of Jesse ‘Boots Electric’ Hughes, strutting his own inimitable stuff on stage.

Saturday Rap can go very wrong live but there is no sign of this event happening when Dizzee Rascal takes to the stage. He has the type of confidence that comes only with acclaim across the board, huge record sells and simply knowing he’s good. Very good. Holding the crowd in the palm of his hand, Dizzee spits ‘all the hits’ from Boy in the Corner, to soonto-be released Math and English. But the crowd inevitably react strongest to garage anthem Fix Up Look Sharp.

All together now: “Oiiiiii, Dum Dum Chi Dum Dum Chi.” Saturday evening saw New York Indie-Gospel-Rock outfit TV on the Radio provide undoubtedly one of the festival highlights, packing out the Carling Tent and sending this reviewer in to a musical-fuelled haze of adoration. Perfect gospel voices mixed with electronic bass and pounding percussion are what make TOTR so compelling on record, but live its the massive beards they wield which provide that extra something.

Sunday It is difficult to define what ‘cool’ is but safe to say Hot Chip do not fall into that category and this is without a doubt their charm. There are no oversized drum kits, novelty shaped guitars and overly kempt hairstyles here; just five lone Casio keyboards and synthesisers behind which stand five nervous, shuffling and, for want of a better word, nerds.

Playing an indefinable hybrid of Kraftwerk and Prince, Hot Chip have everyone dancing as happily as if they’ve spent an hour at the oxygen bar followed by a pill or two of Valium while at the same time having their feet tickled by a furbie.

Sweeter than sweet Tilly and the Wall instantly charmed the entire crowd in the way only three tap dancing girls in mini skirts can. There are no drums to be found in this five piece outfit, only the smiling face of Jamie Williams foot tapping away to the upbeat melodies and bouncing rhythms of the rest of the band. To top it all of someone had blown up brightly coloured balloons in the crowd. A lot of them. Wow. So as the lights dim and the vomit dries on the empty campsites of Reading, the rest of the year will be nothing but counting down the hours untill the gates open once again.

362 days to go...

Will Hitchins

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TWENTYONE

MUSIC Notes from...

Summer Sundae his place felt like the best kept secret of all time.A tiny little slice of festival nestled in a park and slap bang in the middle of Leicester.

As a 6Music festival the line-up was fantastic and a place to make a summersworth of discoveries. With a live broadcast off the site all weekend the 6Music team were knocking about for friendly chats and company, as were most of the bands.

A well sized main stage, an indoor stage in DeMontford Hall and a tent for rising stars provided perfect housing for all the weekends delights. With headline sets from Elbow, Belle and Sebastian and Gomez this festival wasn’t messing around. Other highlights included DJ Format, Richard Hawley, Guillemots, Forward Russia! and Brakes to name but a few. With an onsight pub serving real ale, cocktails by the jug and roast dinner everything was set up for a perfect rainy weekend in August. And it was.

T ith multi-coloured sheep roaming the site, four pink fairy pirates dancing in a pond and two fully grown men elaborately gesticulating how they can't retrieve an imaginary fat child from a tree...this can only mean one thing. Ta-dah Glastonbury! (you what? O no, hold up, try again) Ta-dah, Latitude!

Ok so essentially it's a mini version of the Worthy wonderland but set amongst the shadowy serenity of a Suffolk thicket with a leftfield lineup and a relaxed atmosphere.

There's even room to dance like an idiot without getting poked inappropriately with a glow stick.

"Alreeet festival this one, innit?

Niccce vibes" slurs Stephen Fretwell before massaging ears with his riverboat tails. Following on, The Lemonheads' Evan Dando's baritone wails sound much more aged and matted but still whiskey-refined above mammoth looping guitars.

Meanwhile, The Pipettes' candypolkadot pop is all the more sweetened over at the Uncut arena by the appearance of the sun. Saul Williams sounds like a helicopter attempting to land between your eye brows. Newly shawn with a bleached mohawk, his combative beats and rhymes are by far the most cutting edge and dangerous Latitude has to offer. Contorted genius.

The Zutons attract the largest crowd of the day with a blistering gem-packed hour in the Obelisk arena. A Hyperactive Dave McCabe leans over the barrier, "we're making history here Latitude" as they launch into Valorie. After which, headliners Snow Patrol sound a bit like cold tea, even the usual power-pump of Spitting Games sounds a bit lost as a mousey Gary Lightbody flails his gangly limbs.

Sunday begins with the 1990's, pleasantly getting all 14 dozing people in the Obelisk arena hip shaking.

Over at the Uncut arena Captain look like a limited edition Scissor Sisters

W

TWENTYTWO

calendar but play epic, swervy pop.

There's something of the Jimmy Nail’s, or Kelly Jones', or Jon Bon Jovi's (not as bad as it sounds) about pocket-sized wailer Paolo Nutini.

Scrumptious.

Cripes! it's still a bit early for impending doom, but Part Chimp unrepentantly bring it anyway, with feedback so gross it sounds scared of itself and riffs so fiery they smell of smoke. Following the metalers, comes the rag-tag fugginess of Archie Bronson Outfit, who look like Big Foot rocking out with their arthouse bluesy cool. Giant Drags’ Annie Hardy is certainly one sandwich short of a picnic, but cute nonetheless, "I'm gonna open my own restaurant with burritos, tacos and flambé dead babies" (Riiiight, step back) before launching into the stella This Isn't It. "This is fucking awful" coughs Nicky Wire as he concludes his first solo performance outside of the Manics, he takes the words right out of Quench's mouth. Despite recent album A Call And Response being a disco-stonker The Longcut's tort rocking doesn't quite work in daylight hours, it needs to be in a confined space with spiders crawling up the walls, but they evoke a decent crowd response nonetheless.

Scooping best song of the afternoon are Eel Pie bog-creatures Mystery Jets, a sensational, threatening Zoo Time tops off a faultless half hour of bizarreness. Equally cascading are Mercury Rev, who go about making twisting pop behind a thick cloud of smog. To round off the night the diminutive, pre-Raphaelite Regina Spektor peeks out from behind her piano with sweet smiles and more creative pop-ideas than most people have brain cells.

Diverse and unrehearsed the park empties knowing that the very first Latitude festival has been a resounding success. Still there's no stone circle…. Greg Cochrane

Notes from...

Bennicasim t can feel a little odd at first, lying on your back on a sun drenched beach when you are supposed to be roughing it at a music festival. But it rapidly becomes clear when you arrive in the Spanish beach town that Bennicasim is very different to English festivals.

Think less along the lines of Reading or Glastonbury and more like a holiday on the Mediterranean coast where the likes of The Pixies, Franz Ferdinand, Depeche Mode and The Strokes just happen to playing.

There is more than just the music too, with art, dance, film, fashion and a constant stream of indie discos to keep you entertained, and none of the constant barrage of advertising so familiar at festivals at home. This year great sets from the likes of Yann Tiersen, Babyshambles and probably the funniest gig ever courtesy of Art Brut make this just about the best summer holiday you are going to get anywhere.

I

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC

O2 Wireless Festival COYNE: Balls If not a silvery rock star, then a school janitor or a botox surgeon – Wayne Coyne conductor of the lunatic Lips show - would still be putting smiles on people's faces somehow, even if he wasn't in an all conquering band.

Always something of a Pandora's box or treasure chest of treats,

Flaming Lips are about as conventional as peddling a unicycle to school naked, juggling some coconuts. The circus begins with Coyne rolling over the crowd in a giant transparent hamster ball, whilst Santa’s and Superheroes dance around the stage with cannons spraying glitter into the sky. It's easy to forget their musical brilliance. Newbies The W.A.N.D and Yeah Yeah Yeah Song sound utterly magnificent in beaming unison. As the threesome wander off carrying their own amps there is no denying they're the most entertaining band in this universe, or even the next.

Something’s causing the girls to wilt and it’s not the sunshine…enter Pharrel: the perfect remedy to a warm day, as the pocket-sized rapper brings enough coolness with him to freeze the entire park, tugging his

massive jeans with one hand and cooing the audience with the other, he's every inch (not many inches, mind) the popular man's pop prince.

In contrast, Massive Attack don't quite grab Hyde Park by the fairground attractions and pin them to the fence in the same way. Their trapped-in-a-submarine claustrophobic, paranoid sound seems to wander into the clouds instead of invade the minds that it should – it's desperate to be set within a broom cupboard with spiders crawling up the walls rather than in front of a chatting throng of scotch-egg scoffing yuppies. Karmacoma and Safe From Harm sound watery instead of menacing but still mange to melt from the speakers with some disquiet.

They depart to a thinning crowd.

Sadly just a case of right band, wrong place. Greg Cochrane

As the boat casts off towards pale moonlight Quench is already having fun. Each ripple in the murky water carving a path to a magical island with giant games of scrabble, people dressed as penguins and the after party to every circus you’ve ever been to. Instantly and obviously different in almost every way, like an amazingly old and comfy RUN DMC jumper found in a charity shop.

Straight in the deep end and the Klaxons crack on with their comic-bookesque electro pop, although refreshing, it sounds a little flat in places due to a lack of whistle blowing teenagers slathered in fluorescent paint. Gogol Bordello send a hopeful crowd into a ruckus of flailing arms and legs with their unique brand of ecstatic gypsy antics as the Friday night headliners. Beating the crap out of a fire bucket with all the passion of a man at war, sending sparks through an already vibrantly colourful set. 3am sees a twilight VJ set from the cut and paste master DJ Yoda, 80’s classics melt into Ibiza anthems...zinging out of the tent and back in the other side as the Eastenders theme tune. The only down side to this unfailing genius being that the great tunes just don’t last quite long enough.

Saturday is fancy dress day; it is like a non-uniform day of life. Pantomime horses vs. monk’s vs. smurf’s, this could potentially be what Heaven is like. Intermediate adventures include a quiz in the Guardian lounge (full marks in the music round with a little help from the good ship EMI), the inflatable church and many of the amazing cuisine outlets Bestival has to offer. Quench takes this opportunity to pie out Japanese style.

Half a dozen wrestling matches at one of the few and hideously unorganised bars (one of the few bad points to the whole weekend) set the perfect mood for the lovely Lily Allen, skipping on stage, each smile brimming with confidence, framing the fabulously wonky wisdom passing through her youthful lips. The same kind of honesty and insight that can be found too in hotly tipped new XL signing Jack Penate who charms the scattering of people in front of his tiny stage right out of their tree, exciting upbeat songs about life from a boy in hi-tops with his jeans rolled up, definitely something for the future.

From Justice in the hidden disco, to Erol Alkan in the Big Top, to blissed out Future Sound of London reincarnations Amorphous Androgynous in the blue pavilion, Bestival provides superb dancing potential in every corner, the perfect soundtrack to a blissful Sunday morning skyline.

Sunday brings the glorious weather and intriguing one man band Son of Dave, who for one person creates one hell of a racket and a good time. Bat For Lashes soothe the festival excess with tales of other worlds and hypnotise the crowd and the bubbles floating between them into a trance. Dressed as clowns main Sunday event the Scissor Sisters raise the skies with their disco driven dirty pop leaving not one still foot in the house, a pleasant suprise for many watching and a big fat treat for the rest.

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TWENTYTHREE

MUSIC M.WARD Post-War

BAT FOR LASHES Fur and Gold

Matador

M

My Word.

.ward is so wonderful that it’s hard to explain to those who haven’t heard him exactly how and why this is. On first hearing his voice one is instantly taken aback: it has gravel and sugar in equal measures, and Post War is as fine an album as any he has produced.

Even though, strictly speaking a folk musician, Matt has defined his own style as definitely as any artist around. The album feels lke it should be playing on a gramaphone in 1920s America, with everything in sepia tones. The time when people dressed up in thier sunday best to go to church and sat round the wirless to listen to the daily news bulletin. It has exactly that type of bygone era feel that M.Ward has made his own on his recent records.

The band define the album just as much as Matt’s spectacular guitar work with no better example of this being the Daniel Johnston cover To Go Home. A highlight off the album has to be Right in the Head, a grimy upbeat track which literally has me singing and dancing along the street.

The ensemble of musicians who appear on this album speak for M.Wards respect in the musical community, with country New Pornographers singer Neko Case adding her own unmistakable vocals to the album; just one of the things that makes this record something truly special. Running to the record shop yet? 9/10 Will Hitchins

AUDIOSLAVE Revelations Spoon

Echo

T

Robin Pupil Bird

hese days it appears to be fashionable to write ‘real’ lyrics from the street. Ah yes, it’s so life affirming isn’t it? So a big dollop of dark lit imagination spiked with a twist of mythical fantasy is certainly an exciting prospect.

Memories of children’s stories and the depths of youthful adventures wind their way through the thumping heart of every song. A soundtrack and invitation to a mystical underworld created by the beautiful Natasha Khan and her ladies in waiting. Every song lays a trail of gingerbread crumbs leading you from room to room inside your head, uncovering hidden memories of fights with wooden swords and dressing up like a ghost.

From the moment the opening track Horse & I clatters in it is mesmerising. A mere hop, skip and jump later The Wizard tells its hypnotising story, followed by the intoxicating highlight Priscilla, one of many tales soaked in love, pain and indecision.

Musically this debut holds in its tiny hand more atmosphere and mystic than dozens of others combined.

Created in the key of heartbreak but threaded clearly with hope and magic. All wrapped up with the vocal equivalent to the most beautiful ribbon in the shop; silky, colourful and ethereal. Natasha Khan, The Wizard and the Batcave; what a fantastic story it could turn out to be. 9/10 Sofie Jenkinson

A

Phil Collins

udioslave have worked hard at distancing themselves from the ‘Rage Against Machine/Soundgarden super-group’ label. Nothing emphasises this more than their third album, Revelations.

Given the short period between this album and their second, ‘out of exile’, it would be easy to assume the worst, especially as the band only worked on ‘Revelations’ for five weeks. However, we are talking about genuinely talents artists here, and not a just another mediocre ‘The’ band.

Revelations therefore, offers us a different, although more mature, sound from the previous two albums.

Cornell and the boys have managed to create a very distinctive sound with their funky, upbeat rifts.

This culminates in the album being less focused on the heavy rifting we would normally expect, and more about the rhythm and soul.

‘Revelations’ is a tight sounding album and it confirms Audioslave’s status as one of the most talented rock bands in the commercial circuit.

Nonetheless, I did find myself asking whether or not Audioslave can pull off a slower sound for almost an entire album.

It’s a case of doing what your good at and Tom Morello is a riff monster, the master of the heavy funk beat, but when faced with a balladd he’s just a gerbil in a condom.

7/10 James McConnell

“A dark monologue reminiscent of something the Wachowski brothers might spout” DJ SHADOW The Outsider Island

Shady

I

t’s been a long time at the top for DJ Shadow. Since the legendary Entroducing... Shadow has been right at the pinnacle of electronic

TWENTYFOUR

music, pushing more boundaries than Germany in the 1940s.

The Outsider lurches open with an evil organ and a dark monologue reminiscent of something the Wachowski brothers might spout. But direction changes and deliciously and bounces into the funky and upbeat This Time, which is probably the highlight of the record.

By the next track, the direction changes again and the next five tracks deliver some painfully

mediocre gangster rap. Thankfully this is interrupted by the beautiful Broken Levee Blues. The floating guitar and bass set the pace for the rest of the record, as Shadow’s infamous cocktail of blues and mellow hip-hop fill the second half of the album. The Outsider may not be heralded as DJ Shadow’s greatest feat, but the variety and versatility prove that he’s certainly not standing still.

7/10 Mike Richards

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC I’M FROM BARCELONA We’re From Barcelona

TORTOISE Lazarus Taxon Thrill Jockey

Interpop Not Spanish?

T

here are lots of I’m From Barcelona. 20 something of them in fact and on hearing the album I would like nothing more than to be all of their friends; we could play Frisbee together in the Swedish Valleys and all sing happily in big melodic choruses. Perhaps they’d even let me play tambourine.

They write the type of upbeat happy indie rock that cannot help but make you smile like a loon. The lyrical content is as light weight and pointless as the music would lead you to expect but its wonderful first album track Oversleeping, for example, is about nothing more or less than, you guessed it, oversleeping.

The choruses in every song would lift even Nietzsche out of depression, with dancing catchy melodies, upbeat brass lines and triangles aplenty. In a word then; happy.

Inevitably I’m From Barcelona are in danger of being labelled a bit of a joke: people tend to be unable to take seriously music which doesn’t have at least a little depression in there somewhere. But this would be a shame: yes, sometimes so sugary it feels like drinking a candy floss milkshake. However this is what makes IFB so enjoyable. I’m sick of being depressed anyway.

8/10 Will Hitchins

MASTODON Blood Mountain Wea

H

Possibly Transformers

astodon’s rise through the heavy music scene has been as fast and relentless as their battling metal sound. Some busy low-key tours. Kerrang! Cover. New Gods of metal. Easy. Well however it went, 2004’s Leviathan was probably harder to follow than Master Yoda’s train of thought, but still the mastery of Blood Mountain can’t be denied.

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Tort, Oh I see.

The local talent in Wales is as thick as ever. Quench quest through Cardiff and the Valleys in search of the best. Rockers and High Rollers Suns of Thunder get us underway...

L

ike many jazz greats before them Tortoise like to experiment. Which is always a lot safer in jazz, play a bum note twice and it’s not a mistake right?

And so in the tradition of greats such as Miles Davis and his Jack Johnson sessions here is a three CD, one DVD set of rarities from those crazy Chicago Jazz-sters.

From what, at times, feels a bit like a jazz-off between generic world music and post-rock influenced to melodies flitting in and out between random noises, to what can only be described as a rhythmic jam. Occasionally its subtle and beautiful sounds give the time and space for the relfection it all needs.

As a whole it is a sucessful and enjoyable endeavour, but does, to an extent, lack a element of fresh meat in the equation. Maybe to a more refined ear this mixed bag of musical genius rewoking and remixing its past may offer something new but to most it could seem a little flat.

This veritable banquet of experience is drenched in the most satisfying monochrome photography of traffic mishaps ever and includes videos that are as wild as the music they attempt to represent. Smashing! An experiment worth trying.

7/10 Sofie Jenkinson The tone of the fury brewing in the speakers is made sneeringly clear from the go. A frantic drum fill leads into frantic riff after frantic riff, until sound feels like something that can only be extinguished with an axe.

Strange tales of ‘elephant spirit’ and ‘a race of one-eyed beings’ roar over the guitars and remain fiercely entangled in the slow, stomping breakdowns. The mood mellows at times.

Sleeping Giant seduces the atmosphere with a satisfying psychedelic start before flaring off into intricate time changes and bewildering directions. It is this unpredictable aspect that makes the record so appealing.

It is to the rock and roll norm what the equator is to a compass.

8/10 Mike Richards

SUNS OF THUNDER Last of the High Rollers

What The Duce?

Thor blimey

T

here’s a storm a’brewing in the Welsh underground rock scene and the Swansea fivepiece Suns of Thunder have announced their reign over all things heavy and groovy. All the classic stoner rock ingredients are there – the raw head-rocking riffs and the lazy blues jams – warped into a goodtime rock and roll of their own.

Last of the High Rollers is only the Suns’ first outing, but it is clear that they are already a welloiled machine. From the beginning the opening track melts the speakers as crazy organ parts dance around the thundering blues. Their quality as musicians shines through as the tracks break down and slow-cook in a cauldron of psychedelia, jazz and blues. At only seven tracks and 45 minutes long, Last of the High Rollers leaves you hungry for more, but the Suns let you go with a bang as the last tracks lead from a mind-spinning drum intro into an explosion of riffs wrapped up in a lead female vocal reminiscent of The Great Gig In The Sky. They tell me that dates with stoner rock giants Orange Goblin are in the pipeline for the next few months, so if rock and roll is your thing, be sure to keep an eye out for the local boys.

8/10 Mike Richards

TWENTYFIVE

MUSIC TINDERSTICKS The Barbican, London 17th September

T

he Barbican Centre is, for all intents and purposes, a strange venue to see a band.

The huge theatre usually engulfs the London Philharmonic Orchestra and the bar tariff usually shouts “Students, bugger off” when you notice that a beer costs more than a golden earn of unicorn tears (street value, of course). But don’t get me wrong here, the florescent fountains in the courtyard and the men and women dressed to the nines set a scripted stage for Tindersticks’ mellow but dramatic style.

As the elaborate theatre starts to brim, Tindersticks’ 12-piece string accompaniment sifts into place to

REGINA SPEKTOR Academy 2, Birmingham 18th July

I

f you look closely you can see the whole world in Regina Spektor’s eyes. Every note hits a different strand of human emotion perfectly, from breathtaking, tear inducing lines like “I loved you first” in Samson to the crazy youthful quirks of “Do you remember that time I would only read the backs of cereal boxes?” in That Time.

She’s lived dozens of lives and done every crazy thing you are supposed to have done before you are 30. She seems to have the answer to every great question ever asked, wearing life like a comfy jumper around her shoulders because she knows exactly who she is.

Not only does this delicate, welllived woman have buckets full of wonky wisdom she also has something equally important…balls. “Mary Anne’s a BITCH!” she yelps with a sheepish grin on her face. Playing on the hilarity of different aspects of life she weaves fantastic short stories through the delicate rhythms, all

TWENTYSIX

bring their drama and intensity to the one-off performance of the second Tindersticks album.

“Don’t close your eyes just yet” mutters violinist Dickon Hinchliffe before Tindersticks begin to weave their heartbreak and anguish over the theatre. Sharply dressed Stuart Staples mutters his intense melodies with painful perfection, dropping every jaw in the building with the tearjerker Tiny Tears.

The set closes with Vertrauen III, an instrumental capturing the STAPLES: No pe ns here tense power of the string section. Staples had hardly left the stage before the band was back dreams went unfulto deliver the audience a 45 minute filled. A young man in a yellow t-shirt encore. Tindersticks classics from yelled for the cult masterpiece Jism. their recently released best of, such Staples looked up, shook his head as City Sickness and the title track and just manages a whisper, “It’s from the brilliant Can Our Love… really not going to happen”. Mike proved to be crowd favourites. The enormity of the Tindersticks back-cat- Richards alogue meant that a few peoples’ encased in her beautiful melodies.

The kind of voice that makes heaven feel a little closer and causes thought provoking moments about whether anything is ever an accident. Though there is a marked difference between the old and new material, what never changes is her unique take on life escaping on every note out of those bright red juicy lips.

Going down like what can only be described as a big fat piñata at a kids party there is no way that this woman could ever be anything short of drop dead amazing.

Sofie Jenkinson

lms s

potlig Ever y ht Factor yMonday night unsigne LMS put on at Fun room.T d band in th a live e h MEA: isE week was: side x p e rimenta driven l la ro with m ck spiked th dy etal riff punkas s and rough s Vocals drumming. to your ea make rs prick .

BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE/LOS CAMPESINOS! The Point 29th August

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eading us gently by the hand into yet another music extravaganza are the fabulous Los Campesinos! A soundtrack to the best party you’ve ever been to, music that could heal the world. 1, 2, 3, 4!

Counted in beautifully and ready for the main event.

The very concept of Broken Social Scene is accumulative. Their sound smacks of this. Mature and grown over time their notes resonate over 100’s of heads, hit every surface of this acoustical haven and land gently between ears.

Not many bands can pull off a set over two hours long and never leave a single moment for attentions to slip.

This myriad of ridiculously talented Canadian genius creating a tapestry of intricate sounds is a pleasure to watch from start to end. Gentle beginings wind up developing into an allconsuming wall of sound, like stumbling into some kind of amazing jam session between friends. This established, structured, well-rehearsed gang deserve their role as leaders of this kind of music. Not just leaders, but heroes as well. Sofie Jenkinson

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC Sofie Jenkinson chats to antipodeans Cut Copy about DJing, the British music scene and their Fabric mixtape

C

ut Copy aren't just a band… they are a three pronged attack on the music industry.

With a fantastic debut album under their belt, regular DJ appearances and an increasing amount of remixes to peddle to the masses they are holding no prisoners.

Their last six months have been spent in their homeland of Australia working on the follow up to 2005’s retro electro pop gem Bright Like Neon Love. Moving towards a dance orientated sound that is “more E.L.O than new order.”

Fabric approached the band to do a compilation after mixes for Radio1 and Triple Five Soul. Their new Fabriclive mix is one of sublime tune after tune to get you up and shaking.

From old classics from staples of their record collection such as Roxy Music through to breaking acts such as MSTRKRFT and to those you can always rely on for a cracking time on the dance floor; from Soulwax to Justice to Tiga via a Super Discount mix and so forth.

The inclusion of Roxy Music on the compilation is a way of tipping their hat to a band that have been a life long love, “when I heard this remix of angel eyes, suddenly every thing made sense, the marriage of disco and rock. It seems to me like the 70’s equivalent of a remix.”

DJing is a medium which helps them to explore other bands and find out what makes them tick, “you really get to see what their influences

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

are and how they came to be what they are now.”

Friends and fans of many bands and DJ collectives alike a relationship has blossomed over recent years with British foursome Franz Ferdinand. Having bonded during a tour of over a month and a half the trio were bowled over by the genuine talent that Franz seemed to encompass, “we love those guys, both personally and musically. We seem to bring the best and worst out in each other and it’s great.”

“

The British music industry is just like a ravenous machine On discussing other aspects of the British music culture they don’t seem too impressed, “it seems to us like the British music industry is just like a ravenous machine, always looking for the next thing. It must make it really hard to progress.”

Being on one of the most exciting labels in terms of electronica and dance orienatated indie has given the band adequate scope for collaboration as well as inspiration. They share Modular with the likes of MSTRKRFT, New Young Pony Club and The Presets.

Hoping to grace Fabric with their prescene next time they visit it promises to be one hell of a party. For now their fabulous mix tape will have to suffice.

CUT COPY Fabriclive.29 Fabric

Sharp as fuck

O

ne look at the track list is enough to make you wet yourself. Just wait till you get it home.

“You’re not alone in the disco baby...” mew’s Munk from in among the blissed out electro that surrounds it and he’s not wrong. You have Cut Copy to tenderly lead you by the hand and spin you round to their subtle mixes between banging electro, old classics and ridiculously fresh cross over acts with a twist of something with more meaningful.

Jumping from the electro tinged greatness of DJ collectives such a Soulwax and Justice to cutting edge indie acts such as the New Young Pony Club and older forgotten gems such as The Faint and Roxy Music.

This how mixtapes were always meant to be, an uplifting journey of discovery that make music feel like the glue of the world.

It reads like the who’s who guide of what you need to know, if you don’t already, in order to dance your ass off in the year of 06/07, that is if you manage to battle your way through the current throng of teenagers with glo-sticks. 9/10 Sofie Jenkinson

TWENTYSEVEN

MUSIC

A quarter of a century of...

This summer MTV celebrated 25 years of airtime. Mike Richards takes a glance back over the years and ponders over all the things MTV has done for today’s music

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adies and Gentlemen. Rock and Roll”. And that’s where it all began. As the clocks struck midnight and July 31st became August 1st 1981, a music phenomenon was unleashed with these words and, fantastically ironically, the hit Bugles’ song Video Killed the Radio Star’ Since this day the influence of MTV has been as prominent as any in shaping the modern world of pop music. But all empires have to rise from somewhere and this one rose from an interesting idea had by Michael Nesmith (bowl-headed joker from TV band The Monkeys). A few bands had floated around the idea of a music video before, but it was Nesmith’s concept that planted the seed for MTV.

Ozzy let everyone forget he is one of the most influential artists of all time, to instead be remembered as a bumbling acid-casualty with an annoying daughter

“

Over the next quarter of a century the face of MTV changed more times than Michael Jackson’s and caused more controversy than the King of Pop ever could alone. But in 1981 it was a revolution. It was the voice of youth. A finger to the corporate world. And school. And authority.

Rock and Roll was king and littered the playlists all day. New shows like Bevis and Butthead were the opiate for the malcontent youth and a fate worse than the apocalypse for right-

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wing white America. It only takes a few protests from near Neanderthal, God-fearing Christian groups before the object of their wild discontent can be heralded as the Voice of a Generation.

And so it was born. The MTV Generation. But the protests against MTV weren’t only conjured by hillbillies with no thumbs. The importance of the station became very obvious very quickly to the music industry as a whole. And everyone wanted in. It was Michael Jackson’s lawyers who made the first push for exposure.

They claimed that the station was racist, as the Rock genre was largely white, with only a few black artists such as Jimi Hendrix infiltrating the station. The young MTV keeled over quickly and broadened its output beyond the confines of Rock and Roll music. What seemed like a victory of money over ideals was in fact MTV’s first footstep towards its world domination. Soon any artist could make the air if they had enough money behind them, and the pop industry licked its lips.

It’s now 25 years later and MTV is a very different place. It spans 11 channels in the UK alone and MTV itself doesn’t even play music anymore. The music it stands for has changed on a similar scale. Image has become valued over art to the extent that a pert rack and a wardrobe of mini-skirts can make you a multi-platinum selling ‘artist’ no matter what the music is like.

Gone are the days when the charts could be dominated by talented songwriters with musical talent to match. The great Aretha Franklin wouldn’t be marketable anymore because she’s a big girl and has no formal dance training.

The idea that money talks has

also developed for MTV. Adverts for injury lawyers get similar airtime to music videos and, you’ll like this one, you can actually get an MTV credit card. The voice of a generation evolved into the voice of the media.

But money does talk and everyone has a price. Ozzy let everyone forget he is one of the most influential artists of all time, to instead be remembered as a bumbling acidcasualty with an annoying daughter.

And because of all this, for good or ill, MTV is here to stay. Reality shows from Dirty Shanchez to My Super Sweet 16 can be churned out and repeated for ever and ever. And the direction of pop music can continue to be controlled by fat men in brown suits with big Cuban cigars.

It’s a world of McDonalds and Starbucks now and everything is for sale. Music can be a massed-produced commodity like burgers or coffee, so it is. MTV just owns all the franchises.

Ozzy and Edna: Brummy and dummy

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

F I L M

N E W S

FILM film@gairrhydd

By Si Truss Film Editor

R PERFUME: Uhm...wrong hole

MUSK AND MURDER

Offbeat drama Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, famously declared unfilmable by one Stanley Kubrick, concerns perfumer Jean-Baptiste Grenouille (Ben Whishaw, aka Pingu from Nathan Barley/critically-lauded Hamlet).

Born without a scent of his own, this anomaly enables him to create superlatively magnificent fragrances, with tensions rising as he becomes increasingly unstable in his attempts to create the perfect scent.

The project is directed by Tom Tykwer (Run Lola Run) and is the most expensive German production of alll time, with a reported budget upwards of 50 million Euros. It is due for general release on December 8th.

M ORE

Gimli

CINEMATIC BALLS

Rumour has it that Katie Holmes is set to be playing Victoria ‘Posh Spice’ Beckham in a new biopic of her and her famous husband.

Holmes and her own husband, crazy Scientologist and occasional actor Tom Cruise are reportedly great friends of the Beckhams, however, Cruise has confirmed he will not be playing David due to ‘obvious physical differences.”

Apparently the Beckhams would be very happy for the ‘excitement and romance’ of their story to be told, as long as Katie and Tom where involved.

Needless to say we here at the Quench film desk aren’t excited in the slightest.

The most criminally underused character in ‘The Trilogy’, legend John-Rhys Davies wasn’t even recognisable under layers of prosthetics (which, incidentally, brought him out in a rash). Love Gimli.

Additional screentime handed to the most irritating character in ‘The Trilogy’ produced a scene where he surfs a staircase on a shield whilst loosing arrows upon Uruk-Hai hordes. Fuck Legolas.

L ESS

Legolas

On DVD: X-Men III ! Kingdom of Heaven (DC) !" " Withnail & I: SE ! Green Wing season two In cinemas: ! The Black Dahlia ! Clerks 2 ! Children of Men ! Snow Cake ! Talladega Nights ! Little Miss Sunshine

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

emakes. Whatever you want to call it, re-making, re-interpreting, re-imaginea-fying, there’s far too many remakes flying about.

Ok, I know complaining about the huge number of remakes of old films that Hollywood is churning out at present is nothing new, but recently it’s really got to me.

Take the recent remake of classic British horror The Wicker Man. The original is a real favourite of mine; exciting, clever, genuinely scary. Yet the remake (I’ll admit I’ve only seen bits of it, but I’ve seen enough,) is offensively bad.

Gone is Edward Woodward’s unlikable cop, prowling around an eerie Scottish island and instead...? Instead is just another slice of sub-par, dull, shockfest American horror crap.

And it’s not just horror being butchered. I recently insulted myself with the dreadful, Beyonce-soiled remake of The Pink Panther. Needless to say Steve Martin is no Peter Sellers and should have been shipped off to the ‘was-once-good-but-isnow-crap’ actors home long ago.

My point? Unless you happen to be Alfred Hitchcock (unlikely) lay off the remakes. Stop ruining my favourite films, it makes me sad.

Coming soon...

Designed to get you sweating at the mere thought of their arrival: Tenacious D in ‘The Pick of Destiny’ (16/02/2007) It’s ‘Tenacious D: the Motion Picture’. This may inspire feelings of hatred against the Hollywood system or it will get you very excited. We here at Quench Film are firmly in the latter category.

TWENTYNINE

FILM

Film in and

“It's My Shout” Film Project

The Trek

Gun

They Might Be Giants

The Hunt For A New Bob Crutch

First Kiss

Pineapple Girl

■ The “It's My Shout” scheme is designed to raise awareness of the T.V./ Film Industry through practical involvement throughout the pre-production, production, and post-production process.

■ Students are interviewed, mentored and guided through a training process alongside professionals from the industry.

■ Some of the trainees involved are taken on as actors and crew on T.V as well as feature film projects as trained professionals.

■ The “It's My Shout” scheme will be extended to cover North and Mid Wales next year, and it is hoped that several Welsh language films will be made.

■ Six short films have just finished being shot in South, West and East Wales. Editing has also been completed and they will be screened on ITV Wales in November and December 2006.

■ After the completion of all the films, a celebration is held along with a screening of the films, as well as a glitzy showbiz awards ceremony.

THIRTY

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM

around Cardiff Interview with Tony Hurley

Having become disillusioned with the films from his homeland of Wales that seemed to deal exclusively with (and perm any two from four here) either miners, farmers, sheep or under-nourished kids who sit around a kitchen table and bellow “but.....mam!”, Tony Hurley felt compelled to leave Cardiff and follow the yellow brick road to pursue his filmmaking aspirations.

While holed up in a hovel, he frequented the local flea pit where he discovered and embraced the films of Lynne Ramsay, Terence Malick, Bill Douglas and Chris Marker among others.

But it was the Ed Thomas plays House of America and Song from a Forgotten City that seared right through him.

Someone, and a Welshman at that, was telling stories about a Wales he knew and recognised. Stories that were universal.

He hopped straight on the next train home and as he slumbered he dared to dream about telling his own tales from the city.

by Ryan Owen FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Advice?

Never tell anyone you're a filmmaker. At every pub, club or party there will be a movie geek. Someone who knows EVERYTHING about film.

They normally come in three sizes.

Ones who love Lord of the Rings, ones who love The Shawshank Redemption and ones who wax lyrical about Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Some of these geeks make films (Tarantino has a lot to answer for). The results are just exercises in either intellectual wank of orgiastic proportions or excrutiating and painfully bad homages (i.e. plagiarism). Always tell these people that you are a taxi driver or that you work in a newsagents.

Why Shorts?

Short films are the perfect training ground. A place to make your inevitable mistakes, a place to hone your craft and perfect a distinctive voice whilst developing your particular visual style. They become your CV. Producers and commissioning editors want to see your films not read about them. They are great exposure too especially if your film gets accepted at a film festival.

Features?

Of course you can bypass the short film route by going straight to a feature. But I feel that there is a temptation by many first time filmmakers

to dive in before their script is 100% ready. And this goes for shorts too. If your script is not there your film will find it out without mercy.

Importance?

The script is the most important part of the process. If you don't have a story you don't have a film. The script is your selling document. This is how you hopefully will gain funding. But the script will change many times and will change again during the shoot. And it will inevitably change in the editing room. What you have to keep hold of is the heart and soul of your story.

Welsh Assembly?

The Welsh Assembly seems consumed by the idea of Wales having a movie industry rather than a film industry. This is doomed to fail because it seems obvious to one and all that only one country produces movies and it has been doing so successfully for a very long time. Hopefully the new Film Wales can address this problem.

But if it can’t we are left with a very real and imminent problem and if it is not addressed swiftly we will fast become a land that has no imagination, become a people without a vision, and eventually a country that no longer dreams.

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FILM

F ro m Wales to The World Si Truss talks to the boys from Dirty Sanchez about their new movie, Japanese beastiality and the Devil.

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t’s a beautifully placid, sunny afternoon on the cusp between summer and autumn and, behind the walls of Cardiff castle, the peacocks are frolicking amongst the families and groups of OAPs, here to enjoy a relaxing day out.

But Quench are not here for the history, because right in the centre of this tranquil scene, getting curious stares from a few nearby pensioners, stand the people we’ve come to meet; Dainton, Pancho, Joycey and Pritchard, better known as Dirty Sanchez.

Today the Sanchez boys are busy recording promotional material ahead of the release of their first big screen outing but Quench managed to get them around a picnic table to talk about the making of the film.

“It’s got more exotic locations, a bigger budget, and it’s got the devil in it.” Dan Joyce tells us, explaining how the film is different from anything they’ve done before on TV. “With less restrictions than on TV we can get away with a lot more.”

In fact the boys seem genuinely quite surprised that a lot of things in the film didn’t get cut out.

“There was only one thing we weren’t allowed to keep in the film, a stunt performed by a Japanese group called the Tokyo Shot Boys,” they explain. “We filmed fifteen minutes of our footage and then they did a fifteen minute set of their own stuff afterwards.”

We’re not surprised the Tokyo

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pushing it too far,” explains Pritchard, “someone’s always backing out of a stunt, but at the same time there’s always someone else who’ll do it.”

“There’s no competition between us to better each other though, it’s not about competition. We’re four different characters and we just start messing about and it escalates to what you see on TV.” As for how Dirty Sanchez got to a point where they were big enough for their shenanigans to receive the cinematic treatment, the boys don’t seem too sure themselves.

“In the beginning it just happened, this is the way we are and this is the way we have been, we’re not trying to be something we’re not. We made a video called Pritchard vs. Dainton and all of a sudden someone just offered a TV show.”

For Pritchard, Cardiff Students’ “We constantly thought we Union played a big role in the early were pushing it too far” days.

“Five or six years ago I used to be Idiot Savant Pritchard part of a club night called Disco Stu. I was ‘Randy Vegas’ the compare, I used to love it, I’d get really excited However, it seems not everywhere deciding what to dress up as every they visited entirely ‘got’ the Dirty week.”

Sanchez joke.

“In fact,” he adds as an after “We got arrested in Russia, in more thought, “try and get your readers to trouble with police in Mexico and we start a campaign to bring me back, for were chased out of Japan by the one night only. We’ve always talked Yakuza.” Dainton tells us, “Something about doing a one off thing at the almost always went wrong.”

Union.”

So do they feel like they’re ever Well readers, you’ve been given pushing the boundaries a little too your instructions, go forth and spread far? the word.

“We constantly thought we were group’s act was cut out of the film when we’re told that performance involved pulling a live rabbit out of a hat and (described in the most inoffensive manner we can possibly muster) sucking faeces out of its anus and spitting it in the faces of the Dirty Sanchez boys.

The film itself is based around the premise that the four members of Dirty Sanchez kill themselves attempting to jump a caravan in a car and go straight to hell. There they meet the Devil, played by Howard Marks, who challenges them to travel the globe and complete stunts based around the seven deadly sins. The antics that follow take the Welsh boys across the world visiting Japan, Bangkok, Mexico, Russia and the Dominican Republic.

“

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM

A town named Leonardo The films

Clerks

Si Truss takes a retrospective look at the universe of Kevin Smith

I

n 1993 Kevin Smith, a man more often recognised as his on screen persona, Silent Bob, sold a large part of his substantial comic book collection and maxed out ten $2000 credit cards to fund the production of his first film, Clerks.

The film was shot entirely in a New Jersey convenience store in which Smith worked and in which they were only allowed to shoot during the night. This left the first time director working full day shifts at the register all day and then shooting 10pm to 5am at nights. Legend has it that during shooting of some of KEVIN SMITH: Bearded nerd hero Clerks most memorable scenes, Smith was sound asleep in his directing chair.

Clerks was set around a day in the lives of Dante Hicks and Randal Graves, a pair of impressively bad With the exception of Jersey Girl. employees of the Quick Stop convenAll of Kevin Smith’s films are set ience store, primarily following the entirely inside his own fictitious failings of Dante’s love life and his world. depression at what he’s doing with Named after his View Askew prohis life across a script which is duction company, the View loosely based on ‘The Divine Askewniverse is centre primarily Comedy’ by Dante Alighieri. around two New Jersey towns, Shot in black and white, Clerks Leonardo and Red Bank. became a film instantly recognisable As well as the familiar settings all for its grainy production values and the Askewniverse film feature various most notably reliance on quick, witty appearances from a reoccurring dialogue, a trademark that would ensemble cast, the most notable of become the backbone of things to these being drug dealer Jay and come for Kevin Smith.

Smith’s own on screen persona Smith took his finished cut of Silent Bob, who never fails to offer Clerks to the 1994 Sundance film pearls of wisdom in each film on the festival where it received the filmrare occasions when he does open maker’s trophy and was picked up by his mouth. film company Miramax. Although it As the Askewniverse has aged it only ever played in 50 cinemas, has given birth to it’s own brand Clerks was a massive critical sucnames (Moobies burgers, Nails cess and became an instant cult Cigarettes) and even, in Dogma, it’s classic. own religious philosophies.

The View Askewniverse

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

The one that started it all, our first look into the View Askewniverse. Low budget, black and white but hugely acclaimed by fans and critics alike.

Mallrats

Following two guys, dumped by their girlfriends, as they go and hang out at the mall, the follow up to Clerks was less successful both critically and commercially but became a cult success when released on video.

Chasing Amy

Ben Affleck and Jason Lee star as comic book writers learning a few lessons about homosexuality.

Dogma

Kevin Smith changes from his usual themes of losers and love to delve into the world of religion. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are angels and Alanis Morissette appears as God.

Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back Askewniverse regulars Jay and Silent Bob, who appear, for varying lengths of time in all the previous films, get their own movie. Loaded to the brim with in jokes and pop culture references.

Jersey Girl

For Jersey Girl Smith left behind the View Askewniverse for a more mature project featuring then couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.

The less said the better.

THIRTYTHREE

FILM

A Master Craftsman:

The Electrifying Cinema of John Carpenter by Ewen Hosie The Thing (1982) Often considered his magnum opus, Carpenter’s stellar (superior, in fact) remake of Howard Hawks’ It Came From Another World, The Thing is notable as a cinematic excursion in paranoia as an Alaskan team of scientists are exposed to a shape-shifting alien that slowly consumes their likenesses one by one.

Halloween (1978) Following up Assault on Precinct 13 with what was at the time the most profitable independent feature film of all time, John Carpenter began to show his proificiency for the genre that would cement his reputation.

Jamie Lee Curtis was forever idolized in her role as Laurie Strode, while Mike Myers remains the ultimate cinematic boogeyman. For better or worse, Carpenter invented the slasher-stalker genre; we tip our hats to this.

Escape From New York (1981) Convict and anti-hero par excellence Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) must retrieve the kidnapped President of the United States (Donald Pleasance) from a dystopian future New York (now a prison state) before the explosive charges injected in his neck go off. A nightmarish exercise in claustrophobic, sweaty tension.

They Live (1988) Sledgehammer satire on the nature of corporate Reagan-era America, where David Icke-esque reptilian aliens have taken over our Earth and assumed all major authoritative positions.

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Assault on Precinct 13 (1976) One of the greatest action films of the 1970’s, Assault is the first film where Carpenter truly cemented his mark as a force to be reckoned with, setting the benchmark for future wunderkinds such as Rodriguez by writing, scoring, editing and directing this 100 thousand dollar flick about a vicious gang assault against the decrepit division nine, precinct 13.

Starman (1984) Criminally underappreciated sci-fi masterstroke released in the wake of ET. Jeff Bridges (who received an Oscar nomination for his performance) is the alien who takes the form of young widow Karen Allen’s recently deceased husband as they are pursued by government authorities across the country. One of the warmest of Carpenter’s typically darker ouvre.

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE writers of today, fortunately Little Miss Sunshine is far from being the worst offender. Throw in a finale Dir: Valerie Faris and that involves probably the best Jonathon Dayton dance scene since Napoleon Starring: Steve Carell, Alan Arkin, Greg Kinnear Dynamite hung up his shiny moon boots and you have a film that deserves to be held as one of the Out Now, 100 mins best of a genre that is very much 'in' right now.

Si Truss iven the overuse of Sufjan Steven on the soundtrack and with themes such as CHILDREN OF MEN depression, suicide, failure and Dir: Alfonso Cuaron misery, (something which seems Starring: Clive Owen, increasingly common place in the Julianne Moore, genre of credible comedy at presMichael Caine ent), you could be forgiven for writing off Little Miss Sunshine as an identikit American indie comedy.

Out Now, 100 mins Thank God then, for the sake of first time directors Dayton and Faris that they succeeded in making such a hugely enjoyable movie. The story n 2027, in a chaotic world in has a real wealth of charm to it, but which humans can no longer prothe kind of charm you associate create, a former activist agrees with a sly Victorian gentleman, plac- to help transport a miraculously ing his jacket in a rainy puddle to pregnant woman to a sanctuary at allow a gentle flower of a maiden to sea, where her child's birth may cross, yet with mischievous intenhelp scientists save the future of tions of wooing said flower hidden humankind. behind his coy smile.

Reminiscent in aethetic and tone Each time the plot veers into the to 28 Days Later, the environment realm of sentimentality it has the the characters inhabit is a very real sense to balance it out with a and relatable one. The Orwellian moment of pure silliness and is all themes, as ever, can be seen in the better for it. The ensemble cast todays world. create some great performances as Critics claim the film has “gaps in well. Greg Kinnear manages to logic” but anything on this scale is reward such likeable and sympabound to have random wankers pokthetic reactions as an essentially ing holes in it. Quite possibly Harry unpleasant, failure of a father while Knowles is masturbating as I type Alan Arkin is brilliant as the heroin over these gaps in logic. As this film snorting granddad. focuses on characters rather than Yet the position of star of the the specifics, it sets itself up for show is a hot contest between easy critique. young Abigail Breslin who plays pint However, this type of focus, size beauty queen wannabe Olive reminscent of Paul Greengrass, perfectly and Steve Carell, who, requires a level of involvement by the between this, the American version audience, to interpret what they are of The Office and his more slapstick seeing. Because of this, it isn’t easy role in Anchorman is shaping up to watching, and eliminates logical be one of Hollywood's most talentexpectation, but then again, it was ed comic actors. never meant to be Armageddon.

If there's one flaw in the Cuarón also challenges the viewer by machine, it's that which is the keeping a steady pace that never stumbling block of many other films allows for reflection, and action in the genre, it spends just a little sequences are shot in real time à la bit too much time trying to be proLucas Belvaux’s Cavale. found. It seems that American film Definitively a film and not a movie, makers haven't quite worked out Children of Men is quite possibly the yet that the great philosophers of best made film this year so far. tomorrow will not be the comedy Ryan Owen

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SNOW CAKE Dir: Marc Evans Starring: Alan Rickman, Sigourney Weaver, Carrie-Anne Moss Out Now, 110 mins

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he magic word is poignant. Or it could be poignancy, take your pick. The fact is that Marc 'My Little Eye' Evans’ aboutface feature has spades of it.

Alan Rickman delivers as the laconic Englishman Alex (the similarity in the names apparently not accidental as Rickman himself was always in mind during screenwriter Angela Pell's scripting developments) is subjected to the prying ways of insular Ontarian suburbia following a traumatic car crash in which his hitchhiker, 19-year-old-Vivienne, was killed.

The shock delivery of this revelation in the film's opening minutes sets up a different premise to what may have been expected, and we, along with Alex et al, are transported throughout with only a lingering memory of Vivienne to appease.

Upon paying his respects to the girl's heavily autistic mother Linda (Weaver, in a quest for Oscar glory), he stays with her until Vivienne's funeral, learning to open up and come to terms with his own personal demons in the process.

Introspective and tightly shot, Snow Cake is a highly personal drama, never surrendering the authenticity of Linda's autism to cloying Hollywood sentimentality.

Carrie Anne Moss lends credible support as Linda's mysterious neighbour Maggie, who finds affection for Alex despite their apparent age difference.

Evans also makes an innovative decision in his employment of Canadian indie experimentalists Broken Social Scene to provide the film's soundtrack, which is at turns whimsical and emotive both.

Shot through with a certain ambience and a simple-yet-effective aesthetic, Snow Cake is an understated and surprising film, and finds, in Marc Evans, an extremely promising Welsh directing talent.

Ewen Hosie

THIRTYFIVE

FILM TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY Dir: Adam Mckay Starring: Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Sacha Baron Cohen Out Now, 108 mins

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icky Bobby is the ridiculous, red neck NASCAR legend creation of Will Ferrell.

Talladega Nights is therefore the vehicle for Ferrell to joke, improvise and generally play around with this new speed freak alter ego. It is essentially, all marketing aside, Anchorman with cars.

Talladega Nights manages to only partially live up to what it promises.

As is so often the case with Will Ferrell when he goes off on a roll of improvised stupidity it really can be utter gold, however the problem with having a film so dependent of its star is that when Ferrell misses he really lets the whole side down. It's not that the supporting cast aren't great; true there isn't any characters quite as hilarious as Steve Carell's brainless weatherman Brick from Anchorman, but John C. Reilly plays a solid sidekick to Ferrell. It's just that this is a film very much centred on the shoulders of one man.

The only detraction from the norm comes from Sacha Baron Cohen's ludicrously camped up Frenchman, playing Ricky Bobby's nemesis and occasionally managing to steal the comedy spotlight for long enough to make you forget about Ferrell.

When Talladega Nights gets it right it really is funny, such as Ricky Bobby trying to drive with a live cougar in his car, while the film's general stand up of red necked American racing really stands as a testament to Ferrell's undeniable genius as a character comedian.

If you are a fan of Ferrell or if you've ever laughed at Anchorman than you are going to laugh again.

Talladega Nights is an easy movie to enjoy, you'll just be left with the nagging feeling that there's something missing from the winning Anchorman formula and you just can't quite put your finger on what it is.

Si Truss

THIRTYSIX

THE BLACK DAHLIA: I call it ‘blue steel’ THE BLACK DAHLIA Dir: Brian de Palma Starring: Josh Hartnett, Scarlett Johansson, Aaron Eckhart, Hilary Swank Out Now, 120 mins

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shameless noir pastiche, The Black Dahlia left me feeling confused notions of both vitriol and admiration.

That such a stolid piece of filmmaking could be so beautifully made as to almost have me forgive its numerous flaws is reason enough for such feelings.

Vilmos Zsigmond's cinematography dissects entire scenes with a light so painterly that cells from the negative should be displayed in a gallery, while Dante Ferreti's production design has an almost obsessive-compulsive attention to detail that effectively transports to the era of 40's Hollywood.

Why then, does the obvious mastery of such craftsmen have to be so cruelly undercut by a cornucopia of misguided performances? All the principles misfire to some degree, with Scarlett Johansson completely unconvincing in her role as femme fatale Kay Lake, batting her eyelids and cocking her pretty head in a manner that incites feelings of pity rather than the lust intended. Hilary Swank is also dire, in a role that seems entirely conceived around a comedy upper-crust accent and stabby pout.

The entire concept surrounding The Black Dahlia could have resulted in a masterstroke. Nearly ten years

earlier, this was just what we got in Curtis Hanson's infinitely superior cinematic adaptation of James Ellroy's L.A. Confidential, which understood that the period detail and clever cinematography requisite to the genre is completely undermined without nuanced acting and a comprehensive story.

To Hanson's credit, he got Russell Crowe and Guy Pearce; De Palma has Josh Hartnett as his puppet.

As a director, Brian de Palma has always come under accusations of plagiarism, particularly with regards to Hitchcockian mimickry. He has managed to carve a voice throughout his career as something of an underdog auteur and in fairness, his elaborate visual style (deep focus and serpentine tracking shots all present and correct) is in full evidence, constructing a single sequence that manages to convince us of his confidence; a garrotting sequence that stuns and surprises in equal measure. It is no accident that these standout moments are amongst the most visceral and grisly in The Black Dahlia, as De Palma is a filmmaker seemingly at home with violence.

Akin to a Woo or Scorcese, he handles bloodshed with a balletic grace, a calling card of his direction that can often leave the viewer cold.

Unfortunately, his panache for such bloody displays is so evident that it completely undermines the dramatic and romantic scenes of film, which are ludicrously overplayed (rampant clothes tearing etc; even sex is violent to De Palma). The Black Dahlia represents a bloody stain in the ouvre of modern noir, an unfortunate misfire that should have produced a sure-fire hit.

Ewen Hosie

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM

dvds

new releases X-MEN III: THE LAST STAND Out October 2nd

C Bateman’s best

BRICK Out Now

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ian Johnson’s debut film is a slick, witty and very clever piece of neo-noir sexiness set amongst the backdrop of a 90’s Californian high school.

3rd Rock From The Sun actor Joseph GordonLevitt and the rest of the young cast play up to their roles brilliantly as caricatures of all the best parts from every classic detective film. The plot, which follows main character Brendan on the trail of his troubled ex-girlfriend, has enough twists and turns to keep even the pickiest of PI fans happy, and with so many sly in-jokes and clever references it’s like watching The O.C. if it were written by Raymond Chandler. The perfect balance of humour, homage and emotion. Si Truss

ommercially minded Hollywood director Brett Ratner brought howls of protest from dissenting geeks who longed for the return of previous director Bryan Singer (who would instead, ironically enough, direct the turgid Superman Returns).

Ratner, however, does a commendable job with his material, creating a blockbuster which, while less grandiose in its storytelling scope, is equally spectacular in a visceral sense to its predecessor.

The plot this time revolves around a cure for mutancy (a concept inspired by Joss Whedon’s superlatively brilliant astonishing X-Men series) which has divided the mutant community into two opposing camps, those who desire a cure for their apparent ungodliness/bad luck/scientific anomaly (delete as appropriate) and those who wish to protect their ‘gifts’ from the cure’s inception.

This results in much destruction of public property and a gamut of incendiary delights, lent a touch of class by the performances of hams Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen in their respective roles as Professor Xavier (benevolent Luther King mutant) and Magneto (hostile Malcolm X mutant).

Ewen Hosie

re-releases WITHNAIL & I Out October 2nd

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comedy of a countryside holiday gone spectacularly wrong, as two penniless actors escape the drudgery of their condemnable Camden home for a trip to Penrith.

Marwood (Paul McGann) comes under the unwanted amorous attentions of flatmate Withnail’s eccentric uncle Monty (Richard Griffiths), whilst the titular cad (Richard E Grant’s greatest role) alienates consistently through dangerously alcoholic pursuits. A comedy classic and one of the greatest British films. Ewen Hosie

special edition KINGDOM OF HEAVEN: Director’s Cut Out Now

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his expansive re-cut of Ridley Scott’s 2005 semi-success affords the story far more potential to express itself as the epic it truly should have been.

Unfortunately, Orlando Bloom still struggles to convince as a charismatic leading man in his role as blacksmith-turned-Teutonic knight Balian.

Indeed, Ghassan Massoud exhibits more passion in his role as the stoic Saladin. Unlike the director’s cut of Oliver Stone’s Alexander, which actually trimmed the running time and re-arranged scenes to cater for a more mainstream audience, Scott’s re-cut of Kingdom is 50 minutes longer than the theatrical version. Ewen Hosie

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

WITHNAIL & I: Your idols

tv boxset GREEN WING: SERIES 2 Out October 2nd

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he Bafta award-winning Green Wing is not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. However, it’s an utterly unmissable, twisted British comedy.

It focuses on the surreal social and physical interactions within a team of NHS medical staff that is made up of the most fantastically bizarre, neurotic, perverted, and sociopathic characters.

It boasts a cast that includes Spaced’s Mark Heap and Black Books’ Tamasin Grieg, and episodes that are packed with unrequited love, incestuous relationships, foot licking, the eating of uncooked human umbilical cords and the bludgeoning to death of a dwarf with a stuffed heron. What more could you want? Sara Watkin

THIRTYSEVEN

BOOKS SMITH: Young and Gifted. Jealous?

Taking the world by storm Since leaving Cambridge, Zadie Smith has continued to skip up the staircase of fame. With her third novel On Beauty winning this year’s Orange Prize for fiction, Books looks at her continuous success

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o doubt when White Teeth first made its debut many of you would have rushed to the bookshop to share in the universal interest in the novel. Winner of more than seven awards in the year 2000, White Teeth was set to stir up the literary world. But what was it that made this book so successful? How has On Beauty continued this trend?

All three novels are ultimately concerned with the relationships and lives of families from very different cultures. White Teeth dissects the integral relationships between the Jamaican-English Joneses, the Muslim-Bangladeshi Iqbals, and the Jewish-Catholic Chalfens. It concentrates on the sad nostalgia felt by the elder characters as their culture slips from their children’s consciousness, and the angry reactionary behaviour of the children who misunderstand their parents’ need for upholding cultural norms, and revelling in their past.

Smith has personal experience of inter-racial relationships - her mother is Jamaican and her father English – and effortlessly portrays the need for understanding within society despite cultural differences.

The Autograph Man, although not

THIRTYEIGHT

as highly praised, is again interested in similar themes. Although many may have lost confidence in Smith’s creativity after her second novel, which lacked any of the linguistic brilliance and character depth of White Teeth, there must have been parties in the streets when On Beauty was published in 2005. Once again, the skill of Smith’s storytelling and her close dissection of characters wowed the critics. A tribute to E.M. Forster’s Howard’s Way, one of Smith’s strongest influences, she adds her personal themes and concentrates on the explosive relationships of inter-racial families and cities.

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Concentrates on the explosive relationships of inter-racial families and cities Every character has a distinct dialog, particularly expressed by 16year-old Levi who speaks in what he refers to as ‘gangsta’, the only attempt to understand a culture he is not part of, imitating a stereotype that the refugee Haitians that he is

trying to impress find amusing and in some cases insulting. However, his attempt at least shows a want to intergrate. Zora, his outspoken but hugely insecure sister, searches for Carl, a talented black man from the streets of Boston, only to see his doppelganger in every street - ‘…the hoodie, the baggy jeans, the boxfresh sneakers…’ - suggesting that even by the end of the novel, many of the characters still fail to interact and understand.

Smith’s use of descriptive language is often heart-wrenchingly realistic, ‘the congregation...did not know how to end the conversations respectfully; how to turn the talk from the invisibles of the earth to its practicalities; how to get a cab’. It is haunted by the difficulties of watching your culture and religious beliefs being resented, ignored or misinterpreted, and explores the dark recesses of these issues that are not often expressed. Smith’s perspective is fresh and interesting; you can feel that these themes are of very personal importance to Smith, and this, alongside her brilliant observational descriptions, is what makes Smith a best-seller. This will not be the last we hear of her.

Avalyn Beare

BOOKS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

BOOKS

The Illustrated 9/11 Commission Report: Insulting or Enlightening?

THE ILLUSTRATED A terrifying timeline is provided, 9/11 showing the exact time that every COMMISSION plane was hijacked, when the control REPORT towers received their final transmis-

Sid Jacobson & Ernie Colón Viking - Penguin

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ome people might think before reading this comic that it is in bad taste. I have to say, at first I was one of them. However, once I had got over the cartoon terrorists, and the comic script used to describe the events, I was enthralled.

It suddenly occurred to me, I knew nothing of the history of terrorism leading up to the attacks, and without sitting down and wading through the wordy commission report, I never would have. OK, I am the first to admit that political events have never been my strong point but even those of you out there who believe that you could explain in detail what happened that day would be surprised by what you just don’t hear on the news.

This book fills in all those grey areas that are often breezed over, answering important questions clearly while sticking to the evidence found for the original commission report. How could it be that the President and his federal agents did not hear of the attacks until they saw it on CNN? How was it possible that the third plane that eventually hit the Pentagon disappeared from radar, flying through American airspace undetected for 36 minutes?

Both illustrators are renowned for their talents: both work for Marvel.

The illustation throughout is in no way condescending, and in fact complements the rather bulky report, helping to extract important times, dates, people and decisions, presenting them clearly and accurately.

There are some of the usual comic additions, sound effects written in and explosions expanding over their boxed lines, but this in no way lowers the tone of the book.

BOOKS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

sion, and the heart-stopping moments of the attacks and crash of the fourth plane. Legendary Stan Lee is excited by the book, describing the combination of history and illustration as a step forward in educating the masses on events they would normally only watch on TV.

“

Its simple layout is explaining some terrifyIng truths Admittedly, a lot of the information provided is fairly basic stuff that you could easily find on the internet, but the report goes further. It follows the history of the fight (or lack of) against terrorism around the world. It studies closely the movements of

every hijacker, and the moments in history when they were close to being deterred. It highlights the men and women who warned of such an attack, and subtly points the finger at the others that ignored them, and most importantly of all, it underlines just how ill-prepared America (and the rest of the Western world) was for an attack of this scale. It is alarming to understand how restrictions and laws can prevent justice or deterrents. And yes, it is all very well saying this all in hindsight, but I recommend anyone who wants to find out more about the historic events that took place on that fateful day to try this book. I couldn’t put it down, and still haven’t stopped reeling off facts that astonished me to my longsuffering friends. Give this book a chance and don’t be put off by the illustrated aspect. Its simple and easy to understand layout explains some terrifying truths.

9/10 Avalyn Beare

9/11: From a vicious attack to a book to a movie...

THIRTYNINE

ARTS

Painting a picture of Wales DARREN HUGHES NEW PAINTINGS Martin Tinney Gallery 6 - 23 September Through the mist

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arren Hughes is one of the rising stars of Welsh painting and this September his work debuts in a solo exhibition at the Martin Tinney Gallery.

Hughes’s paintings all encapsulate the beauty of nature and the landscape. His attention to detail and strong use of colour make his paintings powerfully realistic.

All of his paintings have a sense of mystery about them. Set in the misty hills of Bethesda, Hughes really captures the sense of the early, winter morning and this is perhaps why his work is so popular with the public.

Hughes commented about his art: “I seek to reflect a sense of place and explore the permanence of the landscape” and he does this to unique effect in this exhibition.

Rebecca Child

What’s On YANAGAI! YANAGAI! Sherman Theatre 5 October

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his promises to be something a little out of the ordinary.

Yanagai! Yanagai! is apparently an Aboriginal war cry and should hopefully give you a little hint as to what the production’s about.

Exploring the survival of Aboriginal people in today’s multicultural Australia, Yanagai! Yanagai! draws on real Aboriginal past and the people’s struggle to retain their land rights.

The story of the Yorta Yorta clan and their fight against the Australian court system provides an insight into the marginalisation of Aboriginal peo-

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WALES: Where are the sheep?

ple and the effects this can have on a culture and the nation as a whole.

Yanagai! Yanagai! gives this potentially heavy material a lighter touch and its cast of storytellers and musicians deliver a powerfully affecting performance. Don’t miss.

GUYS AND DOLLS

Wales Millennium Centre 10 - 28 October

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their lives.

The brilliantly named Nathan Detroit bets he can make neighbourhood missionary Sarah Brown fall in love with him and sets about wooing the unsuspecting lady to a soundtrack of toe-tapping musical numbers including Luck be a Lady.

Guys and Dolls is a classic musical tale of illicit love and promises to be an entertaining night out.

Kim O’Connor

azz-hands musicals are something the Wales Millennium Centre does very well indeed and Guys and Dolls should be no exception.

Starring musical must-have of the moment, Claire Sweeney, Guys and Dolls tells the story of a group of small-time gam- GUYS AND DOLLS: Lip-smackingly good blers and the ladies in

FORTYONE

BLIND DATE

Little Miss Blind Date

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ummer loving had me a blast”, sings leather-clad John Travolta at the opening of Grease, a while before he dances inanely on a rusty car. “Oh those summer nights,” gasps Sandy as she skips around school dressed like an extra from the Wizard of Oz. Having grown up with Grease and Dirty Dancing, I am well versed in the legend of the holiday romance. Ever since I was a little girl a part of me has privately hoped that the legend will come true, despite evidence quite to the contrary. Add to this the sudden realisation that although my collective of housemates and friends have toured the world in a summer of, from what I can make out, debauched festival-going, hitchhiking and cliff-jumping, I had a week in Magaluf between graveyard shifts stacking shelves of assorted household bleaching products in Tesco or serving overweight middle-aged men pints of cloudy lager in an otherwise empty village pub, and it was over far too quickly, involved far too many flight delays and early morning undercover missions to shove my towel on a plastic sunbed. But despite this, I like myself so much better in the sunshine. I smile more, in fact I positively beam. I am more adventurous, indeed more flirtatious, I will chat away to everyone including the people I would usually be completely afraid of, pull my hood up, gaze at my shoes. You see it everywhere, people emerging from underneath the collective black cloud and interacting. Which is the essence of the perfect holiday romance. It happens away from the known, from the comfortable. It happens in a foreign, softer light and is often aided by copious amounts of sea breeze cocktail.

It can even involve late night swimming in an outdoor pool in a castle atop a hill in the depths of

Eastern Europe. But not always, of course.

But all too soon it’s time to return and face the cabin crew, tired after a previous five-hour flight full of 18-30 party animals, handing out coffee and slamming overhead lockers. Time to return home and find that the top you so desperately wanted two nights ago was in fact tangled up in your dirty washing all along.

“It went cold, that’s where it ends,” whispers Sandy as she stares doe-eyed into the middle-distance. And she’s right because things are always different when you return. Never make the schoolboy error of trying to continue your holiday romance sans beach, sunshine and sea breeze cocktails.

I myself have met with many a romance of holidays past and twiddled my thumbs awkwardly while he babbles on about his passion for the 2 Fast 2 Furious films or love for llama-wool jumpers, or alternatively I sink into my chair in shame as he realises my tan was out of a bottle, and not a good one either.

But please don’t mistake this for a fatalistic sermon on the uselessness of holiday romances. It is anything but. Although I never find myself flying off in an airborne car with my holiday romance (and who would want to? It looks far too risky), the point of it all is that holidays are to be enjoyed, anticipated and to be fantasised about during the winter months and those late night shelfstacking shifts in Tesco. Whether or not you see them again, the memory of a good holiday romance will always make you smile long after the tan lines fade.

W hat is your name and where do you come from?

If you’ve had enough of Freshers’ Week one-liners and fancy a date with a difference, email blinddate@ gairrhydd. com FORTYTWO

BLINDDATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

GOING OUT

Out and about Rob Dand and Kayleigh Excell review the best and the worst of Cardiff’s gig venues

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ardiff is probably one of the best cities for gigs in the UK, and definitely the hub of the live music scene in South Wales, with most bands making the ‘Obligatory Welsh Stop’ here on national tours.

Bands in brackets are examples of the recent year’s selection.

Solus

The Uni’s nightclub, complete with lowered dancefloor and seated area around the sides, which makes for an interesting gig experience. Sits somewhere in between CF10 and the Great Hall in terms of size. (Alexisonfire, Billy Talent)

Great Hall

Not exactly the most intimate venue, but every Uni has one.

It does the job, hosting the bigger bands. (Razorlight, NME Tours, Funeral for a Friend)

Barfly

Arguably the engine room of Cardiff’s gig scene. Hosts a wide range of acts, ranging from indie to metal, with bands on almost every night.

Small and incredibly intimate, the Barfly is probably the dirtiest, sweatiest little room in the city. And that’s a good thing. (65daysofstatic, Bouncing Souls).

‘Welsh Club’ (Clwb Ifor Bach)

Like Barfly, stages it’s own clubnights but also plays home to a wide range of bands, as well as acting as a venue for record launch parties for local bands.

Fairly small, but a decent enough size. (36 Crazyfists, Adequate Seven)

Coal Exchange

Gigs are fairly rare here, but when they occur, they’re generally for the bigger bands who want to put on a bit of a show, taking advantage of the venue’s large size.

Opposite The Point in Cardiff Bay, which also hosts bands, but I’ve never been there so I don’t really know what else to say. (Biffy Clyro, Reuben, Lacuna Coil)

CIA

The city’s Arena is exactly that. I’ve not been here either, but it puts on gigs by the largest and/or most arrogant of bands, including the likes of Muse, Lostprophets and Iron Maiden

The Point

Tucked away near the Coal Exchange at Cardiff Bay. The Point was a renovated church and is now a prominent music venue. Recently hosting the likes of The Walkmen the Point is beautiful inside with pillars and stained glass windows. A perfect venue for hosting up and coming bands.

GOINGOUT@GAIRRHYDD.COM

A quick guide to second week shopping for freshers Blackwells - back of the Students’ Union Located at the back of the students’ union Blackwells is deceivingly small from the outside, but once you get in it becomes a labyrinth of bookshelves. It sells the majority of books you will need for your course (if it doesn’t have them you can order), as well as a plentiful selection of quirky stationery, plus bargain DVDs and CDs. There is also a second hand section which means you can get cheap course books.

Castle Welsh crafts The green fronted shop opposite the castle If this is your first time living in Cardiff, or even Wales, you may find yourself drawn to the little green shop opposite the castle where you can pick up unashamedly tacky touristy Welsh gifts. The Celtic themed jewellery, slate figurines and stuffed dragon items are customer favourites and mean that you can let your friends at home know that you haven’t forgotten about them!

Fopp - Opposite Next on Queens Street Fopp is great for bargain priced films, TV series, CDs and popular fiction. It is a tiny shop located opposite Next on Queen’s Street, but you may find things here that you wouldn’t find in the bigger shops.

Rachel Clare

FORTYTHREE

SPORT

Dave Menon urges our sporting legends to show some respect for Britain

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ake me up when September ends. Although my point is not directly related to the lyrics of Green Day's seasonal hit, it has been a torrid summer for British sport.

In many ways, I would quite like this sporting season to end.

England's footballers failed miserably in the World Cup, our cricketers have been a shadow of their former selves and Andrew Murray didn't reach the last eight of any major competition.

Bitterly disappointing you might think. And when the British 4 x 100m relay team won a gold medal at the European Championships, the triumph was overshadowed by Darren Campbell, who caused a stir after declining to take part in the lap of honour.

Our only remaining hope this summer lies in the upcoming Ryder Cup. Hopefully, while you are reading this, you can reflect on a great European victory inspired by a range of British golfers.

However, do British sportspeople know exactly who they are representing? A silly question you might think; they are flying the flag for Britain after all. But are they? In football, golf, rugby, snooker and many other sports, competitors represent England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

And things become more complicated in relation to cricket as English and Welsh cricketers represent England: there is not a separate

FORTYFOUR

Welsh side although Scotland are set apart. Yet things are different in tennis and athletics as participants play for Britain and not their respective nations. Confused? I don't blame you.

I have had many arguments with my friends on this matter. Although I am from England, I will always support Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland when they play against opposition outside the British Isles. This is because I want Britain to do well.

Yet some of my English pals refuse to support our neighbours, because they fear that Welsh, Scottish and Northern Irish citizens would refuse to support England in the same way. A fair point perhaps, especially since I have seen Welsh people boo the England football team on many occasions.

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Do British sports people know exactly who they are representing?

Nevertheless, that is not the point I want to make here. There is nothing wrong with a bit of rivalry and banter among supporters. It is this that makes sport, on the whole, much more exciting.

What concerns me is when our heroes say negative things in the press about the 'nation' they are representing. Take tennis prodigy Murray

for example. During Wimbledon, the Dumblane teenager sparked a huge row after stating he didn't want England to win the football World Cup. I was gutted when I heard this.

During the Wimbledon championships, Murray was representing Britain, which funnily enough includes England.

Although I think that everybody can support whoever they choose, professional sports people should keep their personal thoughts private, unless they want to lose supporters.

Despite apologising to the press and showing his subsequent 'disappointment' towards England's exit from the World Cup, many die-hard England fans turned against Murray.

And rightly so.

These so-called professional sportspeople are paid large salaries and are trained by experts in dealing with the media. Murray has no excuses for his behaviour and no grovelling should save him. He should respect the fans that put him in his current place.

Although Britain is divided into several nations, there is no reason why anyone should want their neighbours to lose against opposition from overseas.

After all, whether you're from England, Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland, you are still British.

And as a result, my point is directly related to these lyrics: Rule Britania, Britannia rules the waves.

SPORT@GAIRRHYDD.COM

BACKCHAT

Create a Classic Cult Classics editor Tom Brookes finds out just how easy it is to be a creative genius

B

e it music, films, books or avant-garde shadow puppet theatre, creating a cultural masterpiece is no easy feat.

It takes a true creative spark of originality and ingenuity. Until now that is. The greatest cult classics all share important ingredients. So having flavoured cult classics of every vintage and from every corner of the globe, Quench presents an easy to follow, 10-step guide to creating the ultimate cult classic.

1. Time Travel Your first step should see you overcome the theory of relativity and all that quantum physics nonsense and travel back to either the 1960s or 1970s. Free love and mindexpanding substances led to a cultural explosion, so why not get involved? Plus, let’s be honest, nothing much has happened since.

2. Asia If time travel is a little beyond your means why not just up sticks and move to Asia? Whether it be hardhitting martial arts or gut-churningly gruesome horror, it has provided us with some of the most original and exciting cinema of all time.

3. Skint No money? No problem. When the album you made in the cupboard under your stairs becomes a worldwide chart smash it’ll make you look like an even bigger success. The less money you have the better your cult classic will be - fact!

4. Who? Who needs to know that you’re really from Preston and not Paris? Be mysterious, reclusive, borderline weird, the less we know the more interesting you (and your cult classic) become.

CLASSICS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Zombies: Classic

5. Drugs Not big or clever but by golly people love em’. Can’t imagine Hunter S. Thompson being quite the same incendiary, revolutionary writer he was had he sat down for a cup of tea and a biscuit every time he needed to kick start the creative process.

6. X-rated Controversy is cult classic gold, so why not incite Daily Mail hatred by filling your cult classic with as much gratuitous sex and violence as possible. Why not throw in some blasphemy too? The more the merrier.

7. Internet The Blair Witch Project. Snakes On A Plane. Arctic Monkeys. All have benefited from the wonders of the World Wide Web and so can you.

After all where better to promote your cult classic than on a medium created in Asia for jobless stoner nerds searching for porn?

8.Remake Bide your time, by the year 2010 every film ever made will have been

remade. So either wait for your film to get the Hollywood makeover, when it will finally be appreciated by audiences and critics alike or just be a lazy arse and copy someone else’s.

9. Dead Perhaps the key to all classics, the tried and tested ‘die young and leave a beautiful corpse’. Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and James Dean are just a few who have cemented their status with an untimely passing. Be it film, music, books, comedy, being dead is great. Of course failing that you could just try…

10. Undead Not content with being a cadaver?

Why not resurrect the dead? Heck, anything without a walking, talking, flesh munching corpse just isn’t worth your time. Remember kids: zombies make for excellent cult classic bedfellows.

So there you have it, a guide that easy to follow you really have no excuses. You should expect to see my own low budget tour de force Zombie Nymphos On Acid Take Japan on a website near you. Not that I’ll be able to see it mind you - I’ll be dead.

FORTYFIVE

BACKCHAT

T unnel Vi s i o n

By TV Gareth I’m Mint Thanks

T

he main thing I have learnt in the time I have been ‘TV editing’ is that I don’t really like much TV. I don’t watch much telly because I can reach my CD player from my bed, but have to walk across the room to turn on the TV. I’m a pragmatist. There is some TV that I love, but there’s not much fun in writing about that because it’s less likely that it’ll offend people.

Fortunately an NTL cable box contains a lot of shite, and a fair percentage of this rubbish falls under the heading of “participation quiz channel”. Lucky.

This means late night programming such as Quiz Call and The Mint, where a mixture of insomniacs and mentals spend all of their welfare cheques phoning in to incorrectly guess suffixes. I’m used to tolerating such stupidity as I go to Fun Factory most weeks, so it’s not the callers or the fact that the program is undoubtedly a rip-off and waste of time when they could be screening ITV Nightscreen that annoys me most, but the presenters. The deplorable fools before the camera are the pushiest of Butlins’ Red Coats. Undoubtedly they always got the second biggest part in their school theatre productions and probably now think that they have made a success of themselves because they get more daily (well, nightly) air time than Phillip and Fearne.

You’re looking at the same calibre of human being that presents things like price-drop tv, where the only qualifications you seem to need are a love of the sound of

FORTYSIX

Craig Stevens: A Cock Amongst Balls

your own voice, and a willingness to laugh at your own jokes when it’s quite clear that nobody else will. To be honest I’d probably do quite a good job myself. The most cringe inducing of all the presenters is a Mr. Craig Stevens, a man so repulsive that even his wikipedia page struggles to remain diplomatic over his presenting style.

All bleached hair, permasmile and faltering innuendo, he flirts with every single caller, regardless of the fact that a large number of them are probably housebound.

A mixture of insomniacs and mentals spend all their welfare cheques on phoning in to incorrectly guess suffixes

“

The program does come up with moments of comedy gold however.

Such as the poor, demented old woman who phoned up one evening giving the answer to a question posed TWO DAYS EARLIER! For a few moments the celebrity guest (on this occasion that bloke that used to teach the dance classes on Fame Academy) fitted perfectly into the role of mental health doctor, attempting to bring some sense to the proceedings for a good 20 seconds before the producers hung up on the poor woman. Probably leaving her to go eat frozen peas or something. I fear that now I’m back

It’s Mint at uni The Mint might become a regular part of my bedtime routine again. Oh well, at least it’ll give me something to spend my student loan on.

TV@GAIRRHYDD.COM