Quench - Issue 46

Q U E N C H QUENCH.GAIRRHYDD.COM > VOL 4.46 > NOV 27 2006

. . . h h h h g Ar ...it’s Lily Al le

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A QUENCH EXCLUSIVE

D IA N G UA R N T E D ST U E A Z IN G A M E OF TH YEAR

PLUS ALL THE NEWS FROM THE CARDIFF AND LONDON FILM FESTIVALS

QUENCH.GAIRRHYDD.COM > VOL 4.46 > NOV 27 2006

CONTENTS

We chat to rising star, features Jamie T Page 39 11FASHION It’s homme-made 18GAY Planet Lesbos 25FEATURES TV killed the feminist stars?

“Few things help to ruin a friendship like simulatng sex on a washing machine...” Features Page 20

27FILM Film Festival Fiesta

regulars 04THE BLURB

NEW SECTION

It's the fight for your rights

Best Student Publication 2005

54ARTS

Opera, not Winfrey

08INTERVIEWS

57BLIND DATE

14FOOD

58GOING OUT

15TRAVEL

59CULT CLASSICS

25REVIEWS

61THE FINAL WHISTLE

42DIGITAL

60TUNNEL VISION

44BOOKS

60BARRY CADSHAW

This will make you smile

Exotic erotica

Former Yugoslavia ain't no palaver Gets flaming lippy with you Top of the E-rotica Anything but clueless

46MUSIC

Natural Born Thriller

QUENCH@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Help the aged

Take up a brew

Comedy not for the politically correct A fire that never burns out The kids aren’t alright Mixing it up

Best Student Magazine 2005 & 2006

Editor Sophie Robehmed Executive editor Perri Lewis Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kim O’Connor, Rebecca Child Blind Date Rosanne and Olivia Books Daisy Beare Columnists Gareth Paisey, Grace DeVille, Dave Menon, John Widdop Cult Classics Tom Brookes Debate Caleb Woodbridge Digital Dom Mukwamba-Sendall Fashion Leana Crookes, Matt Hitt Features Amy Harrison, Ben Bryant Film Ewen Hosie, Ryan Owen, Si Truss Food Joanne Grew Gay Deen Lloyd Going Out Kayleigh Excell, Rachel Clare Interviews Amira Hashish, Nicola Menage Music Mike Richards, Sofie Jenkinson, Will Hitchins Photography Adam Gasson, James Perou, Sarah Day Travel Chris Rogers, Jim Whiteley Sub editor Graeme Porteous Proof Readers Elise Kirke, Rachel Cormican Contributors Ed Vanstone, Andrew Brooks, Lucy Higgins, Grace deVille, Jason Jones, Kirsty Page, Andrew Mickel, Ashley James, Richard Lombardo, Chris White, Sarah Appleton, Gillian Couch, Sara Watlin, Katie Kennedy, Ana Moreas, Ryan Cox, Lara Bell, Rhys Triss, Natalie Broome, Andy Swidenbank, Depeche Steve, Matthew Tozer, Cath Leech, Michael Gilby, Andrew Williams, Amy Grier, Tasha Prest-Smith, Thomas Senior, Andrew Soar, Sim Eckstein, Reuman Friji, Michael Bateson-Hill, Ben Leplay, Kyle Ellison, Lucy Reader, Jaqui Polley, Lucy Beavan, Lauren Constable, Tom Birts

THREE

INTERVIEWS q.ed.

T H G I F E TH

ut, if

yweight. B h? v a Not enough e h a s u s r t ve ump lectures + my mum A flyweigh fisticuffs, who would tri it came to = rubbish My Mum took neck vein-throbbing, cheshire cat-grinning joy when she literally pointed out an article to me this week. It was a critique that offered no surprises simply because it was drumming to the masses what she is always telling me: too many students are paying to be on degree schemes that only provide a handful of lectures a week.

OK Medics, I can hear you dropping your cadavers in disgust (you should probably get a mop for that).

And Architects, I know you’re stumbling over your drawing boards in disbelief. I’m not talking about you hard-working types or even those who have a timetable that doesn’t offer them the generous opportunity to watch Neighbours twice-a-day if they so desire. The students in question were notably history students in their final year whose lecturer-student contact had been reduced to two hours. Now as an English Literature final year (six-seven hours is more than two, thank you). Ahem.

As I was saying, I wouldn’t be too pleased if my considerably light load became virtually fat free at such a crucial stage in my degree.

Apparently, the limited lecture hall time is intended in order to inspire these historians to work independently. Yes, us arty-farty types are expected to read a lot of words but lectures are imperative in directing our thinking and inspiring our ideas. I know by the third year that we are expected to have mastered our craft and think on our own, but a bit of structure and routine never harmed anyone, really, if we are truly honest.

But the most obvious con is that thanks to those lost halcyon days of the grant and free higher education, paying thousands of squid for a couple of hours of structured lessons and many hours of (non-existent) cramming in the library makes little sense. Even to Albert Einstein. If he was around, he’d probably have a mathematical equation to prove this.

Instead, I suppose I should probably consider perusing the reading list and watching Neighbours. Again.

FOUR

Gordon ‘The Waiting Man’ Brown Strengths: Allegedly sociopathic; big clunking fists; good reach Weaknesses: Sulks when things aren’t going well; gets confused when unable to listen to the Arctic Monkeys; not used to taking control Special Move: ‘The Squeeze of Injustice’: Releasing all the pain of being second in command for so long, Gordon wraps his arms and legs around his victim, screaming, “My turn Blair! My turn Blair!” as his grip tightens.

David ‘Sexy Fist’ Cameron Strengths: Mesmeric trainers; radiates the illusion of love; switches styles seamlessly Weaknesses: Tory; tendency to impromptu webcast mid-combat; tires himself out by cycling to fights Special Move: ‘The Shapeshifter’: After drawing his combatant’s eyes to his trainers, Cameron begins to weave an ornate oratorical tapestry, covering the environment, crime, drugs and immigration. After numbing his victim into catatonia, he knees him in his special place.

THE verdict

I

n the run up to the fight, there was much confident smack-talk from Tony ‘No Surrender’ Blair.

Predicting an easy Brown victory, he boasted that Cameron would be “carried out the ring”.

As it turned out, the much-anticipated Brown/Cameron bout was a very close contest. After a promising start, in which Cameron managed to stun Brown with some nifty dance moves and slaps to the face, he became distracted by a hoody wearer in the crowd. Seizing his chance, Brown swung a Prescottesque meaty fist and connected with a pretty Eton cheek.

Stunned, Cameron staggered against the ropes. Brown puffed backwards to attempt a full velocity head butt. As he was charging towards the dazed Tory, however, he became hypnotised by his Converse trainers.

After a period of tedium akin to a commons debate, Cameron came to his senses and attempted his patented knee to the crotch.

“Victory before honour!” he screamed. But, in a spectacular recovery, Brown caught the silky kneecap and entrapped Cameron in ‘The Squeeze of Injustice’. “I love you all,” whimpered Cameron as he lost consciousness against the Scotsman’s chest.

A great victory for Brown - though Cameron recovered enough to walk out of the ring and cycle home (after hugging the hoody wearer in the crowd). Ed Vanstone

THE BLURB@GAIRRHYDD.COM

THE BLURB “Tracks such as We’re Vanstone, $25 blow job and the epochal M.I.L.F.”

he Jaff from tds Futurehea tackles ive Quench’s fons big questi

L

! s i h t r e Answ What’s the best thing you’ve ever stolen?

Well I’m not much of a thief really but back when I was a kid I stole a can of Tab Clear. It was pretty cool! Like coke but clear. It would probably have to be that.

What’s the best lesson you’ve learnt in life?

Those who fail to prepare, prepare to fail. A very wise man told me that….not really.

If you could be anyone, dead or alive, who you it be?

I think I’d be someone like Dracula, that’d be pretty cool.

Do you have any guilty pleasures?

1. Cliff Richard’s Wired for Sound 2. Cheese

KEVTHINKSTHINGS

What would your special powers be if you were a super hero?

Well my favourite super hero is Batman! And he’s cool because he doesn’t really have any powers and is just rich. I’d like to say something like power to control the mind but that’s a bit sinister so I’d probably just say being rich like Batman.

THE BLURB@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ife is, for the most part, a cruel, soul-draining smear of misery in which nothing ever happens. Very occasionally, however, some unforeseen event occurs which is so luminous in its cosmic magnificence that it makes you want to rush into the street and embrace the strangers that scurry pointlessly about like rats.

Such an event has recently taken place in my life. Surfing - or, more accurately, sinking – on the wondrous network of verbal communication evasion that is Facebook, I noticed an invite to a group of people who shared my last name.

Did I experience a warm, immersive feeling of tenderness through internet contiguity with twenty other Vanstones? No, I did not. Did I feel connected to the vast web of human experience through a shared moniker with individuals spanning the globe? No. I don’t care.

What filled my existence with joy was a link to a band website. A band named Van Stone.

I am a band. And not just any band; a band that looks like Spinal Tap with more facial hair and less intelligence, whose debut album contains tracks such as We’re Vanstone, $25 blow job and the epochal M.I.L.F. I’ll never be lonely again.

h has: This week Quenc Been thinking: at umbrellas in the We’ll never look same way again Been singing: nes Disney theme tu Been looking at: nder.blogspot.com http://hedgedefe

FIVE

THE BLURB/ DEBATE

The God delusion?

Against God

For God

Andrew Brooks

Lucy Higgins

B

elieving in God’s existence is like believing in Santa or that Kerry had a chance of winning X-Factor. For personal and anthropological reasons I’m sure it can make the world seem a better place. I mean who wants to wake up and know they are going to die and be forgotten?

Still, great as the world would be if Santa was real, it really doesn’t mean he is real. God is no different. We invented him to make sense of what we couldn’t understand.

With fundamentalism on the march, the moral problems created by believing in God grow day by day. Meanwhile, all the wonders that first inspired us to create a “God-figure” are slowly eroding.

Thousands of years ago cultures such as the Vikings and the ancient Greeks explained the natural world by inventing a myriad of gods, whose behaviour and nature was responsible for the world as they saw it. As the true understanding of the world grew with the advent of modern science and reason, so the nature of God did too.

Now free from having to explain the physical nature of the universe, we reinvented God as singular, divine and perfect, to better explain our growing morality and social need for ethics.

Notice a pattern here? Every time humanity grows and changes so does our idea of God. Isn’t God supposed to have created us in his image? Yet it seems that we’ve created him in our image.

Maybe faith helps us, but maybe, like when we have to endure that first Christmas without Santa, the time has come for us to grow up.

“

Rather than God making us in his image, we’ve made him in ours

SIX

T

yping ‘God’ into Google will produce about 505 million websites. I’m not saying that this proves His existence, especially because if you type in ‘Santa’, you’ll get about 416 million sites. In fact, God and Santa seem to have quite a lot in common.

They’re both apparently all-seeing Grandad-type men, with white beards, who have a lot of songs written about them. So why is one a notion that gets more ridiculous the older we get, and the other the most influential, thought provoking, and significant figure in history?

There’s quite a lot of evidence to suggest that Santa’s not real; I’m sure there’s been many a confusing and tearful Christmas Eve when kids have spotted their Dad dressed head-to-toe in a Father Christmas costume. Rarely do parents have to tell their children that Santa doesn’t exist, it just becomes blindingly obvious as children get older and wiser.

With God, however, there is nothing so obvious. It’s difficult to watch a beach sunset or be surrounded by close friends, without being thankful to whatever or whoever created it all. It’s easy to question God’s existence when something terrible happens, but on the flip side, it’s difficult to doubt it when we’re awestruck by something amazing in our lives. I’m yet to find a student in Cathays who didn’t thank God when Susan and Karl got back together.

There’s also the comfort of having something to turn to in desperate times. How else do you get through three-hour exams unprepared? Last minute prayers have worked wonders, and at times of grief or celebration, it’s reassuring to think that maybe there’s someone watching out for you.

Personally, Christmas got a lot less exciting for me once I knew Santa wasn’t real. It may or may not be true that God is scientifically unnecessary, but I’m pretty sure life wouldn’t be as colourful, or hopeful, without the notion of God.

”

Life would not be as colourful or hopeful without God

DEBATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

THE BLURB/ GRACE

Buy Buy Baby P

Grace de Ville

icture the scene: You attempt to battle your way through the distressed, tired shoppers scurrying around in different directions like decapitated lemmings.

The busker's mournful instrumental rendition of Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" seems a fitting accompaniment to the madness that surrounds you. A woman with a loudspeaker preaches the gospel while a small, devoted audience watch on, enraptured. It all feels disturbingly apocalyptic.

This is Queen's Street on a November afternoon. Why would anyone wish to be subjected to this torture?

My name is Grace and I'm a shopaholic. In addition to the variety of other ‘holics’, I have a passion for shopping which has consumed every waking day for as long as I've been granted the misfortune of an overdraft facility. There's no such thing as free money, but I've had to learn that the hard way. It's sickening to think about how much money I've spent on items I don't need or even want, but it takes a brush with debt to get me on the straight and narrow again. A phone call from the bank is usually enough to sober me up, but by that time it's too late.

By the time this goes to print, the annual Buy Nothing Day (founded by the worth-a-read Adbusters magazine) will have passed by unnoticed by the majority of the mainstream public. It's hardly something that will be readily promoted; yet its message is one of utmost importance.

Apologies for going all conscientious on your asses, but I'm positive that many of you have a compulsion to shop that goes beyond what one would consider ‘normal’. Are there simply a lot of deranged people out there, or are more sinister forces at work? I feel distressed if a day goes

Is your purse half empty or half full?

by without money leaping from my purse into the warm, sweaty and inviting hand of a till operator. Out of all the people I know, I’d surely be the most interesting subject to participate in Buy Nothing Day. I’m not blowing my own trumpet here; people would pay good erm, money to see me fall at the first retail outlet-shaped hurdle.

Besides the obvious benefit to your current account, reducing consumption would be an ecologically sound move.

Almost everything in the shops is entombed in an inexplicable number of plastic layers and cardboard harnesses.

Why should I spend three hours trying to prise my way through the toughened plastic shell of an electric toothbrush when there’s more important things to do like growing cress or drinking herbal tea?

“

Vultures swarm the carcasses of half-price consumer goods A recent article in New Scientist featured research suggesting that the more consumer goods you have the more you think you need to make you happy. This is a valid point; it’s not until I’ve run out of money, and am therefore physically unable to buy anything that I’ve realised that wrinkle cream or exfoliating shower gloves won’t enrich my life. I’m admittedly participating in Buy Nothing Day due to my own stupidity rather than any social awareness, but I’m hoping that I’ll learn some valuable lessons and finally keep my wallet in my trousers.

GRACEDEVILLE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

SEVEN

INTERVIEWS

Alright, Still Sofie Jenkinson catches up with Lily Allen and her unique sense of fun on her first headline tour of the UK. From Smash Hits, to record shopping New York style and why she hasn’t been able to watch Robin Hood yet...

“

Lily Allen is a child of the 80s like the best of us. She watched Kenan & Kel and Moesha on Saturday mornings while gobbling the institutional sherbert dips and chocolate cigarettes bought from the local shop with sparse pocket money.

Off-the-cuff artwork, an original sense of fashion and one hell of a dirty mouth, Lily is distinctively human. Different without a hint of gimic she leads with, her heart and not her head, like every 21-year-old girl probably should. Quench stepped in her world for a little chat before her headline gig at Bristol Academy.

Lily’s colourful childhood was not exactly smooth, but supris-

EIGHT

ingly it wasn’t the catalyst in bringing music to the forefront “It wasn't really something that I considered very important when I was a child because there was like always music around. Like we listened to a lot of ska music and a lot of bands like the Squeeze, the Clash, Blondie and even like The Beatles… we always listened to the White Album on car journeys.

“So I kind of got to know music really early on and it didn't really seem very important until when I was 15 or 16 and I’d hear those old songs like in clubs and stuff, then it kind of became more relevant.

“I realised I kind of had a lot of deep musical knowledge that people my age didn't really have.

Which was a nice thing.”

With CD artwork becoming increasingly relevant again creating a stand-out style was a brave and cunning move. By researching and finding Check Morris, her artist, on MySpace Lily helped to make the project her own: “It wasn’t all directly from me but I kinda had all the ideas. I just didn't want to do the usual and hire loads of companies that do the whole campaign for you.

“I mean everything happened to tie into each other but I wouldn't say that it was my brain child.”

The Observer Music Monthly gave Lily a cover feature before most had even heard of her. The NME followed suit shortly after and the usual backlash ensued.

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS “They kind of sold me down the river a bit the NME. I used to really really rate them and I was so excited when they put me on the front cover. And then in the same issue they rated my album 7/10 or something, which isn't a particularly good mark for them. I just think that it's a bit lame to put someone on your cover and then give them mediocre album review. I don't really agree with that kind of journalism.”

“I kind of think they're arseholes in a way, a bit of a jumped up tabloid that covort themselves. They pretend that they're pioneers of independent music, when they are championing mainstream music, because nowadays that is indie music and rock music. They're not really doing anything that individual, Smash Hits would be a rarer bit of journalism.”

“

I don’t really love Big Ben or Nelson’s Column or anything!

Patently obvious to anyone who gives young Lily a second listen is that she is from London, “I don't really think that London is that much of an amazing place really. I mean I like it but I think what I find special about London is the people I've grown up around and y'know the places that I could go to when I was a kid and the parks. It's nothing to do with the architecture or the art galleries or any of those things.”

“I don't really love Big Ben or Nelson's column or anything! I just like London because that's what I know and it’s where the people that I love and care for are. There are much nicer places in the world. I really like New York and I like the South of France. She noted, “I like record shopping in New York a lot because they've got big hip hop record shops there and that's kind of what I really buy for when I DJ. I've got all my old records but for new records it’s the best place. But I still like shopping for clothes more!”

As with most fame ridden occupations family life can be something of a challenge, and Lily is no exception, “I don't see my family any more! They're great my family. I still live with

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

my mum, I mean I don't really ‘coz I live on a tour bus but things haven't really changed between us. I think my mum found it all quite weird, she got really freaked out when we went to the cinema the other day and as we were walking up the road people were beeping their horns and shouting 'Oii Lily' and she was like 'What the fuck's going on?!’”

“I think that we kind of try and play it all down and ignore it really because it isn't really about that it's about making music and performing.

If that was the important thing then I'd be going to film premiers and award ceremonies all the time.”

The summer saw Lily tackle many of the festival greats including Bestival, “I had a really really great time actually, I thought in a lot of

ways it was what I wish Glasonbury was like now. I've been going to Glastonbury since I was five weeks old and I love it. It's a big part of our lives really and umm yeah it's kind of got quite mobile phone sponsored [giggles] and I like the fact that Bestival isn't like that. That was the first time I'd been, I had a really really great time.”

With not one Saturday off to see her Dad in Robin Hood and with an assistant to ‘clean her thighs’ after her fancy dresses cause sweat to run down into all the wrong places, the days of being an 80s kid with a chocolate cigarette are well and truly behind her. Now it’s a real cigarette and a venue full of fans that take up her Saturdays. Still, watch out for a new song called Thigh Cleaner and one of those fancy dresses made out of heat-sensitive tie-dye t-shirts bought off ebay. Her fun’s certainly not over yet.

NINE

FASHION

Boys don’t try Fashion Matt wonders whether men care about fashion

N

o one cares about men's fashion. A few years ago, Queen of the High street, Topshop was alight with Kate Moss rip offs at prices cheap as Charlie. The mens’ department meanwhile stocked clothes only desirable to X-factor wanabees and 20-something builders looking for something nice and tight to wear on a night out to Risa. Pale pastel polos and fauxpainted jeans were on the cards.

Never have so many males been tempted by the idea of becoming transvestites.

Despite these minor improvements, we're still lagging behind. But who is to blame and is there even any demand for an improvement? It

“

There is no need to slither into a pair of girls’ jeans As of late though, there seems to have been slight improvements. Perhaps due to the rise of all things metrosexual, the high street menswear sections have finally started to catch up with the womens'. Topman's attempt at emulating the indie-darling look is fairly successful, and now, with all the variants of shades on the skinny jean there is absolutely no need to slither into a pair of girls' jeans when you want your legs to look like kindling.

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

VIKTOR & ROLF: Spec-ial friends

seems the only people who give a toss are a minor army of metro males. When Stella McCartney launched her line for H&M, girls were practically willing to decapitate each other in order to grab one of Stella's designs. I was in the Oxford Street H&M store on the day Viktor and Rolf launched their menswear collection. There were no last-turkey-onChristmas-eve style battles going on for the last blazer. In fact, most of the stock seemed to be still hanging on the racks. Nobody seemed to really care. There were more emo boys buying their black hoody uniforms than trendy gents trying on patent leather shoes.

Having witnessed such indifference on the high street, it's nice to see a rejuvenation of the younger male on the catwalk. D&G and Prada are using younger models and are aiming their clothes at younger men. For the sake of financial wellbeing, the sooner the high street rips them off, the better. Until then, gentlemen sit down and relax because while female fashion is prancing past us like a rampant rabbit, men's fashion is dawdling behind like the proverbial hare.

ELEVEN

FASHION

e b o r d r a w e h T out h t i w e v i l t ’ en shouldn

The basics m

The cardigan Once something made exclusively for granddads, the cardigan is the newest staple for the young man’s wardrobe.

The Mac Arguably popularised by Inspector Gadget, the Mac was back at Prada’s Autumn/Winter 2006 collection. Seeing as every old man owns one, you can usually find a load tucked away at charity shops where they were wonderfully donated, post-humous.

Basic tee The search for the perfect fitting t-shirt is like Indiana looking for the Holy Grail. Half the ones they sell in H&M shrink upto your belly button after a wash and the ones in top man have sleeves that stick out like handkerchiefs. American Apparel has been making basic wardrobe staples in a sweatshop free environment for years. Unless you get if off the cyber web, you’re going to have to venture across to Carnaby Street for one. It’s definitely worth it though. Mmm…they’re so soft.

Converse

Stop searching for the perfect shoe, old Chuck Taylor got it right the first time round back in 1918. The older they get, the better they look.

TWELVE

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FASHION

These charming men Fashion Desk select the most fashionable lads of the moment

Jake Gyllenhall: Cowboy clothes Russell Brand: Fine and Dandy Who doesn’t have an opinion on Russel Brand? Love him or hate him you can’t deny his oddly appealing dress sense. Brand manages to take the style staples of the moment and translate them into a fabulously foppish and individual look. There are Russel Brand look- a- likes popping up everywhere these days, especially down in the dingy uber-hip Old Street area of London. The secret to Brand’s dress success is his obvious ability to work an accessory and his eye for a good bit of design detail.

You might think that Brand recycles his skinny jeans and waistcoat over and over again, but his vintage- look scarves and suave shoes always set off this classic combination perfectly.

Brand has also single- handedly made it acceptable in the fashion world for men not to wash their hair (surely his must be self- cleaning by now). However shockingly similar to a bird’s nest his ‘do might be, it only serves as a quirky contrast to his smart style. Brand truly established style icon status earlier this year when he snagged the must have fashion accessory for male fashion folk; Kate Moss. Now there’s a man with an eye for a trend. . .

Leana Crookes

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Pete Doherty: Heroin Chic Rehab this, heroin that. The tabloids have been harking on about poor Pete for what seems like forever.

Whether he's prancing about Kentish Town in his trademark trilbies and skinny jeans or showing up at his latest court appearance in a smart grey suit, Pete always has a knack of looking scruffily dapper. So much so that Hedi Slimane, head designer at Dior Homme, didn't care about what he was smoking or who he was shagging, but captured the stylish essence of Doherty and whisked them off to London's east end to be placed straight on to the catwalk at Dior collections around the globe.

Pete's also spawned millions of looka-like wannabes that fill dance floors at indie discos all over Britain. If only buying clothes was as morish as crack.

Matthew Hitt

Jake, for those unfamiliar with him, Gyllenhaal is a dark, swarthy actor whose career has been in the ascendancy since his big breakthrough in last year’s much-lauded Brokeback Mountain. Gyllenhaal’s USP is his smooth versatility as he moves seamlessly from look to look.

Whether he’s playing volleyball with his muckers on Venice Beach in a tired, old, classic tee and roughed-up baggy combat shorts, or working the red carpet in a crisp, old-skool tux, he always manages to look coolly comfortable in his own skin. He even looks the biz when he’s playing characters who aren’t comfortable in their skins (vide Donnie Darko and Holden Worther in The Good Girl.)

But what really cemented his style icon status was his Brokeback turn because anyone who can convey cool while being furiously bummed by Heath Ledger has to have certain star wattage. Of course, the fact he’s easy on the eye doesn’t hurt, but it’s about more than that. Like the older George Clooney, Gyllenhaal has an unforced charm and relaxed likeability that eschews vaulting ego and effortlessly styles him up no matter what the clobber, appealing to lads and lasses alike. Which, let’s face it, in our culture of celebrity megalomania doesn’t so much make him an icon of style but a demi-god of refreshing normality.

Jason Jones

THIRTEEN

FOOD

The zest of Zanzibar

Kirsty Page tells us why Zanzibar is the place to eat

The food markets

Z

anzibar is the island of spice, with all things exotic and the food is certainly no exception. With its cloves, cinnamon, lichee nuts, coconut and cocoa beans, Forodhani Gardens in Stone Town takes the pleasure of eating to a whole new level. As the sun goes down, the vendors set up their stalls piled high with their colourful and enticing dishes.

Stone Town has a very strong Arabic influence due to its long trading history. Therefore, there are many Eastern foods on offer including chapattis, naan bread and samosas.

There are a wide variety of dishes on offer, including nyama (beef) and kuku (chicken) skewers as well as ones adorned with huge chunks of fish; barracuda and kingfish as well as prawns, crab claws, lobster and octopus.

The food markets have lots to offer, showing off their rows or piles of their produce, all neatly placed.

There are plenty of supplies, ranging from all kinds of weird and wonderful looking green vegetables, bananas and plantains, addoes cassava and hot red peppers.

Zanzibar pizzas get a definate thumbs up. Two thin pancake discs enveloping a mix of minced beef, egg, onions and chilli and fried quickly on a huge tin drum. They also come with bananas and chocolate sauce for those with a sweet tooth.

FOURTEEN

Pile a plate high with these nutricious delights and it will only come to a few dollars. Sitting down eating these delicious dishes and watching the sunset and the dhows sailing quietly by, I can’t think of a better way to spend dinnertime, Western food such as chips and burgers are also available, but with such enticing and exotic food to try, there’s no reason why you would want to eat them.

A glass of sugar cane juice is perfect to wash it all down. The canes are squeezed in what looks like an old-fashioned clothes dryer; a couple of them and your cup is full. Each stall only has about three glasses for everyone in town – a quick scrub in water between customers is all it takes, but it’s probably best not to think about that.

With food so good and the price so cheap its hard to prise yourself away – so we didn’t. Each night we sampled all the treats they had to offer, fine dining for only $3 a night. Life’s hard sometimes.

Zanzibar on the water

FOOD@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TRAVEL

Eastern Europe This week Travel takes you to the backpackers favourite budget destination, Eastern Europe. Katy Page starts another two page special with her account of Croatia.

It’s Europe Jim, but not as we know it...

S

o the plan was to travel to the Rockies; camp out beneath snow capped mountains, search for bears, have pancakes with maple syrup….sounded good, until we looked at the price. Three words: Not student friendly. So we decided on Europe and plumped for Croatia; with return flights for £50, we could hardly refuse and boy I’m glad we didn’t.

Arriving in Split, we acclimatised by exploring the Diocletian’s palace, which despite many buildings being turned into trendy shops and restaurants retains its charm.

Split is an excellent base for day tripping to the nearby islands. The Jadrolinija ferries depart daily and no island is more than a few hours away. The downside to these ferries is that sometimes it is not possible to go to some islands and back again in one day, as the ferry timetable does not allow it.

First on the list was Brac. The most popular beach is the Zlatni Rat beach, which stretches out like a triangle towards the ocean, the tip moving from side to side depending on the wind. Never have I swum in water so clear as in Brac; it was like swimming in mineral water, and I’m not exaggerating.

Most of the beaches in Croatia are pebbled, which in my opinion, is better. Not only do you eliminate the inevitable sand/sun cream drama that everyone faces on holiday, but also you can mould the pebbles to your body shape to create a lovely you-shaped bed!

Hvar and Solta are other charming little islands within easy reach of Split. Next stop was Dubrovnik – ‘Jewel of the Adriatic’ as dubbed by the brochures; and it really is. The old city is full of beautiful architecture and you can’t leave without

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

“

Lokrum – beautiful place, distinct lack of clothing

doing a walk around the city walls and seeing it all from above.

Dubrovnik was on the receiving end of a series of attacks from Serbia and Montenegro in 1991/1992 and much of the old city was destroyed.

Thanks to UNESCO, much of the damage has been repaired, and Dubrovnik has been restored to its former beauty. The walk allows you to look out over the terracotta rooftops and out into the distance over to Lokrum Island.

Lokrum – beautiful place, distinct lack of clothing. A popular naturist destination, swimwear is optional but there are plenty of spots where people remain dressed.

Just off Dubrovnik is the National Park, Mljet and hiring a bike for the day is a great way to get around.

There is a local boat that will take you over to the isle of St Mary where you can swim in the vast lake, surrounded by hills and forests, most likely with not another soul in sight.

One of the most beautiful places I have ever been has to be Plitvice National Park. A watery wonderland of huge turquoise lakes and endless waterfalls; this place is a secluded paradise. It merits a few days visit at least to appreciate the beauty it has to offer.

Croatia is one of the few places I have been that offers such a diverse mix of things to do; there really is something for everybody’s tastes.

The nice thing about it was hardly ever hearing a British accent; the majority of tourists are German and Italian so even with all the other holidaymakers around you, it feels so un-touristy.

Croatia is beautiful, it’s different, it’s not too expensive; discover it before the masses arrive. An awesome destination, the Rockies will just have to wait until another day…

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TRAVEL

A voyage into the Will Hitchins explains that, despite a dissapointing lack of violence, the former Yugoslavia is still worthy of a visit

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efore heading to Eastern Europe I was expecting, or perhaps hoping for bullet holes, unexploded ordnance and grizzled bearded snipers; on arrival, much to my dismay I discovered the snipers had long since departed, but the ordnance and bullet holes remained.

“

There is perhaps no town in the Balkans that is as under rated and under-visited as Kotor Before the early nineties’ conflicts, the former Yugoslavia was a hot bed of tourist activity. The beautiful old towns of Mostar, Dubrovnik and Sarajevo all attracted thousands of visitors from your ‘wet behind the ear’ backpacker to families with handfuls of young children. Then BANG, Slobodan Milosevic rolled into town with a whole load of tanks and a contingent of angry frustrated Serbs, and for a while the world stopped visiting.

Thankfully things are beginning to get back on track, and over the last five years the Balkan region is again attracting the more adventurous visitors. With Dubrovnik in the south of

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Croatia now a fully fledged tourist location which, in summer is packed with topless German families eating the oh so wonderful sea food available in the area.

The tourist industry in Serbia, Montenegro, Bosnia and Herzegovina is slower to pick up. However, it's only a matter of time before you will be shoulder to shoulder with Jonny American with his Hawaiian shirt and video camera shouting for more Donner meat.

Bearing all this in mind there has never been a better time to visit these fascinating and beautiful countries. I don't want to exaggerate too much but there is perhaps no town in the Balkans that is as underrated and under-visited as Kotor. It is a town that appears on the horizon like the light at the end of the tunnel and although small, has the ability to keep you captivated for days, wandering around admiring the 17th century architecture and the stunning location.

It lies in the West of the newly independent Montenegro and will probably be a massive tourist attraction within ten years, situated next to Europe's deepest fjord allows cruise ships to stop off for a quick bowl of mussels.

On one side of town lies the waterfront, on the other stands mountains, towering above the buildings like the walls of Jericho, protecting it from all but the wrath of God. Being only a small town there isn't huge amounts to do except sit in

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TRAVEL

Former Yugoslavia

Sniper tower? one of the many coffee shops, wander wide-eyed around the small winding streets and then stop for more coffee, a perfect way to spend a day perhaps. Bosnia and Herzegovnia was damaged more than any other of the Balkan countries from the break up of Yugoslavia but this is what makes it the most fascinating of them all.

“

One hell of a location to jump off shouting “weeeee” It's capital city Sarajevo bears the scars of a year long conflict but like all great cities has got back on its feet, and become one of the most interesting and lively cities in Eastern Europe. Unlike western European capitals it isn't packed with museums and art galleries but rather pirate DVD merchants and kebab houses.

The old town is full of small, run

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

down stalls that wouldn't look out of place in an Istanbul market; this is no coincidence, since the invasion and subsequent occupation in the 19th century Sarajevo has been hugely influenced by Turkish culture, with Donner Kebab houses a plenty and stronger than strong Bosnian Coffee (don't call it Turkish) available at Café's all around the city.

The second 'honey pot location' of Bosnia and Herzegovina (although its hardly brimming with travel hoi polloi) is famous for one thing alone, the Mostar Bridge. This is not only an incredible feat of architecture, but is also a damn fine location to jump off drunkenly screaming “fuuuuuuuck”, and in fact every year the town holds diving competitions off it, with the winner becoming some what of a local hero.

The bridge, which was only recently reconstructed after its destruction in the war, was beforehand the oldest surviving bridge in the world and is a majestic glistening white. Bus as I say, it is one hell of a location to jump off shouting “weeeee”. There

really are all manner of great locations to visit in the Balkans. Every small village, town and city has its individual charm. When people tell you its dangerous or violent or unstable they should be shot (perhaps defeating the point ), Eastern Europe is a fine region of the world and a joy to visit.

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GAY Without Lesbians Cardiff would be a barren wasteland.

In honour of this Quench decided to dedicate a two page extraveganza to our lady loving friends...

THE L WORD MUSIC: Peppermint Patti ike most of the finer things in Cardiff, I stumbled across Peppermint Patti on my lonesome. I was delighted to find not only free jelly babies on the merchandise stand, but vegan gummy bears too, hurrah! This free food ploy works extremely well in getting non-regulars to chat to the organisers and also helped convince me to purchase badges for a band that wasn’t performing for another hour.

Peppermint Patti resides upstairs at Chapter Arts Centre and is run on a non-profit basis by volunteers. In an attempt to address the gender imbalance in the music industry

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they put on female fronted or female dominanted bands, showcasing both local talent and touring bands.

Peppermint Patti doesn’t define itself as a queer night but as a safe place for everyone where you can hold hands with whoever you want.

Their gigs provided a staple musical diet during my first year at Cardiff, introducing me to such aural feasts as Das Wanderlust, Manic Cough, and The Victorian English Gentlemen’s Club. Look Look Dancing Boys remain a firm favourite from the Peppermint Patti experience, two foul mouthed and obscurely dressed girls from London

whose sets are invariably cut short

by Ipod malfunctions or lack of material to perform; compensated for by manic dancing.

Peppermint Patti is always on the lookout for artists, local male bands included. They can be reached on a.cakebread@ntlworld.com.

Music: FAG Club ith three successful gigs already tucked firmly into their petticoats, the next target for FAG Club is the Buffalo Bar for the bleepy tweedily noises of Robofag. Robots/Robots in Disguise electroslag costumes are optional.

We’re already planning outfits in the shiny metal forms of Bender and Flexo.

Guided by a ‘FAGS this way’ sign we are lead up the stairs in Dempseys to FAG Club No1. The door price works on a sliding scale to be affordable to everyone. I pay the full £5, as I’m not drinking, and am miffed to find that my extra £2 could have been exchanged for six

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raffle tickets. I look behind to the table of unwanted kitsch tat, and grumble to myself through a mouthful of complimentary vegan chocolate cake.

Drunk Granny take to the stage (corner) and I soon forget my raffle ticket misfortune as they thrash through renditions of Care Home Rock and Leotard to an excitable audience.

The final act is the country sound of Rae Spoon who for his closing song announces that the faggiest thing you can do is to have a singalong. Soon the whole room is unashamedly singing ‘down by the willow’ even though none of us know the words, or the tune.

FAG Club provides great local talent and a relaxed environment, where you can dress up, sit down, stand up, dance, singalong and show your appreciation without the usual gig snobbery of Barfly. It is also a low profit record label, supporting local queer/feminist artists and is always on the look out for local talent to perform at their gigs.

They can be reached at Fagclub.net. Anyone interested in playing should email Bands@fagclub.net

GAY@GAIRRHYDD.COM

GAY Lesbian Flicks...

Bound tells the story of a newly released convict who finds herself in trouble again, when the hot woman next door convinces her to steal a couple of million from the mafia. Many have dismissed this film as tacky erotic fiction for gay ladies (my mother refers to it as my lesbian porn and keeps it on the top self of our DVD cabinet), but it actually has a really good plot with great twists. And if you can get past the violence, the name “Corky” and Jennifer Tilly’s smurf voice, it’s a pretty decent film. Not one to watch with the grandma.

Bound

Best quote: Corky: “What are you doing?”

Violet: “Isn’t it obvious? I’m trying to seduce you.” Violet, you minx!

The Tiger Woods of lesbian films and it’s a real crowd pleaser. Megan is a normal high school cheerleader who is sent away to a correctional camp for homosexual teenagers when her parents grow concerned about her vegetarianism and love of Melissa Ethridge. Over the course of the film, Megan realises that they may have a point, when she falls for a girl at the camp.

It’s quite rare for a lesbian movie not to involve suicide, self-loathing and mullets, and But I’m a cheerleader thankfully contains none of these. The worst part of the film has to be the slightly two-dimensional supporting characters and Clea Duvall’s greasy lock of hair that’s in her eyes for the entire film (it’s not hot, Clea, just greasy).

But overall, it’s a funny and cheerful film.

Best quote: “2, 4, 6, 8, god is good, god is straight” Amen.

Calamity Jane GAY@GAIRRHYDD.COM

The diary of a lipstick lesbian 09.30 The alarm goes off and I

debate how many more minutes I can lie in bed for. But alas no time can be wasted, I can't turn up to lectures looking ugly! Hair must be washed and straightened, make-up applied, designer glasses put on and lipgloss adding the final touch.

10.00 I pick up my pink phone and

I'm out the door. You may be wondering who the hell is writing this - an uber gayman?! Alas no: a lesbian... a 'Lipstick Lesbian'.

11.10 Lectures can be rather

But I’m A Cheerleader

Not a lesbian film as such, but it’s the gayest movie I’ve ever seen, that’s for sure. Based on the true story of a female Indian Scout, who’s great with a gun, but crap with lip stick, Calamity falls in love with some lieutenant but it all gets a bit dramatic when she brings an actress back from “Chicagee” and they both fall for same bloke. The songs are all fabulous but the best thing about this musical is the blatant lesbian undertones. Calamity is the butchest thing since Amalie Me-lesbo and when she sings with Katie about “a woman’s touch”, it feels like a scene from the L word.

Best quote: “You thought I was a man?” Doris, what a dyke.

amusing (as well as educating, of course).

Especially in todays where my gay male friend kept teasing me about fancying the female lecturer. He informs me that he's sure she'd be flattered to know that a hot 19-yearold-lesbian fancies her...

16.14 I'm accosted by a man trying to sell some hair promotion. I'm immediately bored and show no interest, where as my housemate is rather keen. So why does he opt for flirting with me in order to get our cash?! “I think you've picked the wrong girl love!” That's what I find mystifying about straight men.

Whenever I go to 'straight' clubs they always approach me instead of any of my straight gorgeous friends. Do I need to wear a sign saying: 'sorry I'm a lesbian, if you touch my arse once more I will kill you'?! I've grown to realise that it’s my high levels of disinterest that attract men to me.

22.45 I go out gay clubbing. These nights are always immense fun. I'm told that I look like Anastacia, I'm 'too pretty' to be gay and always end the night by falling flat on my face in some form or another.

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FEATURES Want to be an extra in a German straight-to-DVD film, laden with gratuitous sex, violence, arab-bashing and lederhosen?

The real

Andrew Mickel does...

R

icky Gervais did a lot of damage to the good name of being an extra. Everyone seems to believe that it means standing around, doing nothing and resenting the proximity of star power they missed out on. But when Uwe Boll calls needing help, I’m not one to say no. I got the chance to dress up and wander through the background of a (sort of) major film, and no one was going to hold me back.

Uwe Boll, for those who’ve cancelled their subscription to Crap DVD Monthly, has a history of remaking video games such as Blood Rayne

and House of the Dead. They’re not pretty, but thanks to the wonders of German tax shelter financing, he can afford to put on pretty big productions.

No matter what else you can say about the man, he’s generous, having flown a friend and I to Vancouver to watch him beat up internet film geeks (it’s a long story...).

What we know about Postal is slight. Most of the crew didn’t know; I’ve read the script and still couldn’t really say. What we can say is Uwe Boll’s first foray into political commentary takes no prisoners. Nor is it any good.

It has a suicide bomber named Mohammed and uses threatening to fly a plane into someone as a joke (but not Mohammed; to quote Mr Boll, “every Arab number five is called Mohammed,”)Little Germany has a concentration camp; there are even pops at our fair monarch; “We will fuck Queen Elizabeth!”, says the eminently quotable German director.

The scenes we get to shoot focus on an Arizona trailer park, where the trigger happy Dude and his girlfriend Bitch live. An existing trailer park has been renovated for the production and, best of all, we get to play trailer trash. There’s also a full crew and cast of about forty, who it’s fair to say were more interested with “My, mini-me, haven’t you grown...” having a laugh than making a film.

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That went double for hair and make-up. The girls got trussed up like French whores; another extra got stripes shaved in his hair; I carefully divided my time between idly watching filming, and content smugness.

Before long I have an on-screen trailer trash wife with a black eye.

However, the make-up girl was clearly saving the best for last. “You know what I’m thinking?” I know I don’t want to know. “I’m thinking a mullet!”

Perkiness doesn’t disguise the fact she knows what she’s doing.

And it’s only filming going on ten metres away that keeps me from screaming.

Over the course the day, there isn’t a single member of the cast or crew who doesn’t walk past smirking, “looking good!”

The first scene seemed simple enough. Whilst the main character comes home to find his wife a-rocking his trailer, we wander through the background with beer and rummage through trash. Another extra comes and threatens me for going through his garbage, and then we wander off.

In practice, being an extra wasn’t so simple. I couldn’t yell out loud as we had to be silent, but had to mouth shouting at my battered wife. The crew keep putting a massive bedstead on top of my bin bags so I can’t get to them to rummage without making a lot of noise.

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Extras

FEATURES Exclusive sneak preview of Uwe Boll’s new film!!!

Gervais bad; terrorists good

Various assisiant Directors point us in literally opposite directions at the same time. And the annoying extra who’s supposed to threaten me once followed me across the set, actually having a go at me. At the same time, Dude walks towards us, meaning the cameras catch the annoying extra pursue me into a bush as I don’t know what else to do.

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“Few things help to ruin a friendship like simulatng sex on a washing machine...”

Still, with a few major scenes in the can, we’re quite content to have made our mark on cinematic history.

The mercy of the film schedule, however, kept on ratcheting up our onscreen count.

First came some pick-up shots, with full screen views of me flicking my mullet over my head and scratching my balls as we walk straight past the camera. I garner a lot of praise from cast and crew alike for my realistic performance.

Then came the opening to a big fight scene, letting us run around with guns like rednecks, pointing them at the main characters. They

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

hand, with just one day of filming under my belt, I get to go later turn out to be real guns, somedown in cinematic history as gun-totthing I wish I knew before I stood ing, wife-beating trailer trash, in what around scratching myself with it for will doubtlessly go down as probably half an hour. the most gratuitously crude and But the real excitement was kept offensive film of all for the end of the day. The productime. tion crew needed an opening shot of Maybe the trailer park with extras doing Ricky ‘comedy’ things in the background.

Gervais Just as I was going to merrily prewas tend to drink beer in an inflatable right ring for the scene, the publicist after (who’s done nothing all day but disall. cuss the quality of whores in different countries) pipes up, “hey, these two have been together all day. How about we have them doing the dirty over there?”

Few things help to ruin a mixed gender friendship of four years like simulating sex on top of a washing machine whilst being watched by forty people. For three successive takes.

With the annoying extra yelling, “Yeah! Sock it to her!” in the background.

So what do you get for a hard day’s work?

Well, food for extras is surprisingly good; I got a wicked tan whilst standing under the West Coast sun all day; and I got to know what having a real mulEinigkeit und Recht und Freiheit let is like. On the other für das deutsche Vaterland!

TWENTYONE

FEATURES

Is TV killing

Television today is dominated entertainment, but many of th more harm than good for femi worryingly anti-feminist trend thes? support of ‘ordinary’ ith your clo ese two w th women. st u tr u Would yo With the explosion in the number of TV channels we might also have expected this push for progress to be brought to the masses via the humble televihe 20th century was, all in all, sion. But, something appears to a pretty successful period for have gone wrong. feminism. Women were given Whilst feminist thought is now the vote, effectively ran the country dominant within theoretical circles during two wars, and in the sixties and is continuing to gain momentum, succeeded in liberating themselves it seems that it has lost the interest both sexually and socially. of Joe Public. Despite the majority of In the eighties it looked like women (and lots of men) in this women were going to take over the country wanting genuine equality, (be world; in the nineties, Scary, Sporty, it for themselves, their sisters or Baby, Posh and Ginger, brought femitheir daughters) a blind eye is being nism to a younger audience. turned towards important issues that There were still problems, equal affect the possibility of achieving it. pay issues and discrimination hadn’t gone away. But in just one hundred years, thousands of years of masculine domination were overturned, which I reckon is pretty damned good.

We could have been forgiven for thinking that, in the 21st century, this remarkable progress would have continued. Not just on the back of The prime example of this is the campaigning from more hard line lack of reaction to the role and reprefeminists I might add, but with the sentation of women on the social barometer that is the television.

It goes without saying that TV is the most influential medium for transferring ideas, and increasingly it is promoting essentially anti-feminist messages but little is being said or done about it.

As a man, I am shocked by the lack of strong female role models on TV. Now some may wish to argue this point and yes, I’m sure they could name, maybe a handful of women who Just a pretty face? are genuinely great examples for women everywhere.

Kirsty Wark on News Night is

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Women... are reduced to the purely visual, devoid of any substance

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both eloquent and intelligent, and she is allowed to show that she can be the equal of any man (including Mr Paxman).

There are several very good female newsreaders too, although it is interesting to note that they are all young and very pretty, which is certainly not something you could say about Peter Sissons or Huw Edwards (no offence Huw).

However, these positive role models are few and far between.

Instead, our screens are filled with soap stars and reality TV contestants that are all too willing to take off their clothes in magazines; popstars that can’t sing and don’t write there own songs gyrating semi naked in their videos; and, in my view, the worst of all…Trinny and Susannah.

TV is the most influential medium for transferring ideas, and increasingly it is promoting essentially anti-feminist messages, but little is being said or done about it.

Yes, I know that it sounds harsh, and it is not them personally that I have a problem with (actually that’s a bit of a lie), but rather the ‘Lifestyle’ genre of TV that they represent.

I won’t patronise you by outlining exactly what happens in their programs, such is their fame you are likely to have a rough idea already, whether you watch the show or not, but just in case, The self-confessed ‘goddesses’ of fashion shatter someone’s self esteem, and then rebuild it by buying a new wardrobe for them.

Their new show is slightly different to their traditional set up. In Trinny and Susannah Undress the duo are (apparently) “loved for their warmth, humour and brutal honesty […] delve into people's hearts and wardrobes to discover how they really feel about

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

g feminism?

FEATURES

by lifestyle shows and reality hese programmes are doing inism. Sim Eckstein on this in programming... themselves, and each other”(official website). Ah, bless. Yes, they solve relationship problems by buying new jeans for people.

Apart from the ludicrously materialistic concept this is based on (look good, feel happy, more clothes = greater happiness), I feel it’s important to highlight certain other points.

Whilst this show deals with couples, and therefore men as well as women (which is rare on similar shows), there is a very distinct difference in the way in which each sex is treated that typify attitudes in the self-help genre.

The women on the show are helpless. Their apparent lack of taste is always masking some deep emotional issue or flaw that can be solved with a new wardrobe but only with someone else‘s help.

Men on the other hand may well be hopeless at dressing themselves fashionably but there tends to be a joking, light hearted attitude of, “What’s that?! Ha ha ha!”, that is contrary to the severe scrutiny women are subject to.

The women on these shows - and only women - are reduced to the purely visual. Devoid of any substance, having no problems that can’t be solved by changing the way they look, regardless of age, occupation or what they believe or think (see also: What Not to Wear and Extreme Makeover).

I’d also like to draw attention to a programme that illustrates the other major focus of lifestyle television, namely the idea of women as domestic.

Loose Women, another gem on ITV, is crude anti-feminist programming at its worst. Made by women (apparently) for women, it is so condescending and offensive it is actually unbelievable.

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

For those of you who Loose Women: Made by women haven’t had the pleasure for women of seeing it, here are the topics of their most recent polls - they‘ll give you a good idea what you’re missing out on: ‘Have you started your Christmas Shopping Yet?’, ‘Do you make an effort to look good at home?’, ‘Are you happy with the size of your boobs?’, ‘Does your partner pull their weight around the house?’

Shopping, housework, looking good for your man, it feels like stepping back in time a hundred years.

AND men, to stick up for the feminist They are even sponsored by a well principles of equality and take the known women’s only car insurance fight to Trinny and Susannah. Now company whose adverts consist of that would be worth watching. three women in a car crying because of a broken nail.

Again, if this doesn’t convince you, just look at other domestic programs aimed principally at women such as Super Nanny and How Clean is Your House?

I realise that not all TV is so anti-feminist, but the programmes highlighted are symptomatic of current programming trends (turn on any daytime TV and you are likely to see the same themes recurring).

More worryingly perhaps, they are also extremely popular. It seems that the ‘ever so 19th Century’ notion that women are domestic, shallow and sexual beings is trying to come back and, unbelievably, we seem to be accepting it.

Enough is enough, 90s feminist icons: it all went downhill from here it’s time for women

“

They solve relationship problems by buying new jeans for people

TWENTYTHREE

REVIEWS

IN REVIEWS THIS WEEK

!"Music chat to natural born thriller, Juliette Lewis !"Film take over " Books are Clueless about Quench with their film festival special !" " Arts go to the opera to find out if it’s any good !" " Digital Emma !" go surfing to find naughty Christmas presents on the web

Revie of thew week

! l l e h g n i Flam ps all i L g n i m a l epic F e h t d e k c a tr moon l n l o u f s n a i k r n e e d ide un Sofie J s a e s e h t the way to

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rom the very beginnings Wayne Coyne makes every effort add extra sparkle to this already magic evening down by the sea. Not even a whiff of the ridiculous pretence of remaining unseen before a performance, Coyne emerges before Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly has even so much as touched the stage, throwing confetti and balloons into an already baited throng.

Clearly contagious, the raw passion of the Flaming Lips lends itself to a rip roaringly tight fisted set from the ballsy Get Cape, a moralistically apt choice of support for a headline act of such proportions.

A mirage of dancing Santa’s, alien’s and band members are central figures in this carnival style mess of a snowdome with rainbow coloured snow and giant balloons.

Causing the stage to erupt into the party style event Flaming Lips shows have become so famous for.

Shortly after stepping out of the giant blow up hamster ball used to

TWENTYFIVE

navigate over the top of a brimming crowd Coyne leaps up and wham bam it’s straight into the biting Race For The Prize.

Every jingle, jangle and solitary ping is there, dragging the true talent and force of the band front and centre, keeping the music album perfect while bringing an extra dimmension in and to every sense. An adept mixture songs from the Soft Bulletin, Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots and most recent album At War with the Mystics creates the skeleton of this multilayered and stupendous set.

“

A carnival style mess of a snowdome with rainbow coloured snow Utterly mesmorizing, the entire assult on the senses is brought together by various video clips interspesed by a lovers-eye-view of

Coyne’s face. If up close or with a panoramic view from the back this once and never again scene is the ‘epic’ experience promised. The added edge of Coyne’s connection with basic humanity cuts through the entire spectrum of the light and dark shades of human existance pricked upon, threading together their unique way of looking at the world.

The rarely played She Don’t Use Jelly from days gone by seals the set with a tangerine flavoured sing-a-long of flailing arms and balloons bouncing through lazers. Coyne’s parting shot is to create a perfect moment, in encore A Spoonful Weighs a Ton, for people to say ‘I love you.’ Aw. Even the darker moments of an epileptic seizure and details of a man who stole things from them earlier that day couldn’t serve to take the shine of this brain splatteringly dazzling experience. Because that is exactly what the Flaming Lips are, an experience and as Q pointed out, definitely one to have before you die.

REVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

F I L M

N E W S

FILM film@gairrhydd Si Truss Film Editor

A TURTLES: Inspired by Tolstoy

HEROES IN A HALF SHELL

With Quench Film bringing you a special feature on anime next issue it’s probably as good a time as ever to spread the word about the return of everyone’s favourite mutant heroes.

The planets are once again aligned just right and a new Turtles movie is soon to arrive.

This time around, gone are the men in elaborate suits, bring on the shiny new CGI turtles.

Things look to be shaping up well for the return of the official childhood favourites of everyone on the Quench team.

Don’t believe us? Check out the teaser trailer online.

No news on whether Shredder is involved yet...that devious bastard.

BEST WEEK EVER

We here at Quench Film are literally secreting excitement from every orifice as we get closer and closer to February 16th.

This marks the start of a week which not only sees the release of Hot Fuzz (that’s right, as in Simon ‘Shaun of the Dead & Spaced’ Pegg’s Hot Fuzz, as in Hot-mother-licking-Fuzz) but also two other films which promise to be cinematic highlights of 2007.

Firstly Darren Aronofsky’s long awaited follow up to Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain.

That’s not all though, as it’s also the week that Michel ‘Eternal Sunshine’ Gondry’s Science Of Sleep finally makes it’s way onto UK screens.

Needless to say, I will be going to no lectures.

M ORE

We completely rock in every possible way.

We’re surprised we aren’t famous yet, we’ve obviously just had a slow start. One day we’re going to make so much money God will attend Si’s house parties.

Ewen and Si

He’s the Northern Monkey with a heart of gold but he can be well grumpy when he’s not had his morning cuddle. He occasionally wants to punch babies, a trait that only further distances us civilised people from him.

L ESS Uncle Ry

On DVD: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest ! Monk Complete Series 1-4 ! Planet Earth: Complete Series ! Eddie Izzard: Stand-up Boxset ! Superman II: SE In cinemas: This edition we’re devoting ourselves to the Cardiff Film Festival, so go check out our extensive coverage instead.

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

s you will probably notice we have devoted all our film pages this issue to the myriad of treats that is Cardiff Film Festival.

You will also notice that this has meant the need to leave out our usual, ever popular range of high quality cinema reviews.

Something I intend to make up for in this editorial.

First and foremost, we have been to see Casino Royale and, despite what Ryan may say, it is a triumphant slice of henchmanslaying action. Daniel Craig is an awesome Bond, and all in all it just made me want to go shoot something then have sex with it.

I haven’t high-fived so much in a film in ages.

Secondly we’ve also been lucky enough to have seen Pan’s Labyrinth, which is even more awesome (think fairytale creatures meets Franco-ruled Spain).

Needless to say we’ll tell you all about it when normal service is resumed next issue.

P.S. apologies to Ed Vanstone, it was probably Ewen’s fault.

Coming soon...

Designed to get you sweating at the mere thought of their arrival: The Science of Sleep (16/02/2007) Michel Gondry’s follow-up to Eternal Sunshine is a curious affair featuring the gorgeous Gael Garcia Bernal in a potentially starmaking leading role. Expect the usual surreal music-video derived chidlike imagery.

Eragon (15/12/2006) Adaptation of the best-selling fantasy dragon books by Christopher Paolini, whose sequel Eldest is currently flying off the shelves.

Could be alright, could be be trying to rape Tolkien’s legacy with a Peter Jackson shaped member.

TWENTYFIVE

FILM

CARDIFF SCREEN FESTIVAL REVIEW

" Over 50 reviews of fes!"The big films at Cardiff Film Festival !" tival films from world cinema, the hits of the festival, documen" DVDs taries, Welsh talent present, animation and short films !" " Quench Film Desk nominations and awards out this week !"

T

he Cardiff Film Festival has now concluded and as I have seen over 30 films, logic would say I’ve had my quota. I feel an emptiness, a void if you will, that will not be filled ‘til the 7th of November next year. Oh well, here’s the best that we have seen...

Steen Agro Andy Nyman Karel Roden

Shut Up And Shoot Me Set in Eastern Europe, this black comedy is blessed with a genuinely laugh out loud script in the vein of Fargo, Everything Is Illuminated and Man With The Screaming Brain. Andy Nyman is ‘you’ll need your asthma inhaler’-funny and Karel Roden is perfectly cast, recently described as the Czech De Niro. Steen Agro must be commended for meshing these elements and directing what is possibly the film of the festival.

Ryan Owen

Terry Zwigoff Max Minghella Steve Buscemi Art School Confidential A failed art satire that frequently relies on stereotype as opposed to genuine wit, but the casting serves to make a 2D script genuinely funny and entertaining; see Ethan Suplee’s turn as an angry Troy-Duffy channelled film director and a Bukowskiesque Broadbent. A no-brainer of the highest and most enjoyable order.

Ryan Owen

TWENTYSIX

Marc Forster Will Ferrell Maggie Gyllenhaal Stranger Than Fiction Carrey did Eternal Sunshine, Sandler did Punch Drunk Love, and now Ferrell does Stranger Than Fiction.

He does a sterling, understated job in an unconventional role. Also, Maggie Gyllenhaal is knee-quiveringly attractive. Although it should have ended differently, this is an example of a fantastic script, executed well.

Ryan Owen

Jean-Baptiste Andrea Simon Pegg David Schwimmer Big Nothing From the director/writer of Dead End, this is a must see as Pegg and Schwimmer make a surprisingly good pairing, bouncing off each other like Riggs and Murtaugh. The script has a Shane Black feel to it with its relentless offering of new conflicts, all while the dead bodies seem to be piling up. Funny viewing.

Ryan Owen

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FILM

the best of the festival...

The big films were always going to be good but after seeing 95% of the films, we can present to you, these two shiny pages containing the top 9 films in our humble opinion...

Ryan Fleck Ryan Gosling Shareeka Epps

Roger Michell Peter O’Toole Leslie Phillips

OAP’s swapping prescription pills and emitting expletives has never been done as well as here, if at all.

Wonderfully shot by Roger Michell, he captures the unlikeliest of connections, creating a sort of British Lost In Translation with O’Toole in Ryan Owen

Allen Coulter Adrien Brody Ben Affleck

Steve Anderson Bill Connolly Ron Jeremy

Venus Peter O’Toole and Leslie Phillips could very well be Withnail and Marwood 50 years on. Educated

Hollywoodland This beautifully shot retro-noir is a wonderfully tragic story, affectionately told. Ben Affleck remembers how to act again (akin to his Good Will Hunting days), which is just as well, as Adrian Brody, Diane Lane and Bob Hoskins dazzle in their roles.

Sun-baked yet tragically gloomy, it’s an impressive debut.

Ashley James

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F*ck F*CK is fucking interesting, fucking informative and far fucking better than you could ever imagine a 90minute history of the F-word could be. Containing hysterical musings by American heroes such as Kevin Smith and Ron Jeremy, it even makes fools out of conservatives, which is always fucking funny.

Ashley James

Half Nelson Cinematographer Andrij Parekh uses minimal lighting and utilises a plethora of autumnal hues which complement Ryan Fleck’s constantly changing depth of field, most expertly on a crack-induced Ryan Gosling.

Beneath his nuanced performance is a soundtrack by BSS bringing the intimate and touching script to life.

Ryan Owen

Birgit Moller Agata Buzek Devid Striesow Valerie Agata Buzek gives a compelling performance as a wafer-thin model in this slow-burning tale of destitution juxtaposed against a backdrop of Berlin at Christmas. More questions are posed than answered, ensuring that focus never wanders from the main attraction of what is a crisply shot, subtly written character study.

Ashley James

TWENTYSEVEN

FILM

world cinema...

A selection of films that have won awards or been selected for screenings at the best of the fests such as Berlin, Cannes, Sundance, Toronto, Galway and Edinburgh. An opportunity to see new films from Peru, Chile, Germany, France, Australia, Canada,the USA, Bosnia, Belgium, Spain, Italy, the Netherlands and Denmark.

Jasmila Zbanic Mirjana Karanovic, Luna Mijovic

Sebastian Campos Watt Nestor Cantillana

Micheal J. Bassett Wil Schindel, Jude Beaumont

Esma’s Secret (Grbavica) Esma is a single working mother who tries her best to pay for her teenage daughter‘s upcoming school trip. Winner of the Golden Bear award, Esma’s Secret delves into everyday Bosnian life after the Balkan War, which like all wars, leaves deep scars, and in Esma’s case, a harrowing memory.

Richard Lombardo

The Sacred Family Follows the format of much (of the worst of) Spanish-language cinema, and a lot of indie cinema in general: it starts well but then you realise it’s mostly overblown, pretentious toss.

To be fair, semi-improvising a film was never going to work, was it?

Write or blag it, fine, but don’t try both. That’s just a bit crap.

Chris White

Wil Think Being John Malkovich meets It’s a Wonderful Life on a shoestring budget, only not as poor as that sounds. While it’s a decent idea executed well, it’s a touch too mawkish to be truly good. I’d see it again and even pay money, which is a reasonable measure of sucess by anyone’s standards.

Chris White

Claudia Llosa Magaly Solier, Yiliana Chong

Fien Troch Josse de Pauw, Ina Geerts

Vassilis Katsikis Clara Crivellaro

Someone Else’s Happiness This Belgian film was slightly slow moving for my tastes, although the interesting bits were good enough to keep me entertained. The stand out shot was as the neighbour told his wife he had cancer…a close up on the woman’s facial expression, leading to a very slow pan away. Nifty.

CCTV (Cameromania) More pretentious twaddle from abroad. Fly-on-the-wall meets feature film, which is a flawed concept. We get enough of this turd from reality TV without having to endure it actually written for cinemas as well.

Utter, utter dross. I’d say don’t give up the day job, but this is the day job. Shame.

Chris White

Madeinusa A beautifully shot but emotionally distant tale from Peru, Madeinusa follows the titular character’s emotional escapade as she deals with burgeoning sexuality, a lustful father, a mysterious drifter and a longing to escape her stifling village atmosphere. Madeinusa is an interesting insight into a seemingly alien culture.

Ewen Hosie

Sarah Appleton

Kenneth Kainz Anders Matthesen, Laura Bro

John Williams Sato Koichi, Kiki, Emoto Akiro

Jacques Bral Eddy Mitchell

Pure Hearts (Rene Hjerter) It’s easy to empathise with Kriss, a so called ‘mentally ill’ patient, who in reality, is a sensitive individual whose actions are knee-jerk responses to an insensitive world. A poignant and oddly funny adventure, Pure Hearts just falls short of fleshing out the emotional context which the story richly deserves.

Richard Lombardo

Starfish Hotel This film replaced The Uncertain Guest, and what a disappointment.

The plot was hard to follow; the human-turned-rabbit had an all too familiar Donnie Darko resemblance and was left unresolved. It is not for the faint hearted as there are some quite horrific scenes; I watched it through my scarf.

Gillian Couch

Springtime In Paris A French heist thriller unfolds before the eyes of unsuspecting viewers in Springtime in Paris. This leads one to expect they should be overwhelmed. However, the convoluted nature of the plot as well as an extremely cold protagonist (who is too pretty to be a criminal) leaves the viewer completely disinterested.

Ryan Owen

TWENTYEIGHT

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FILM

the hits...

This is the collection of more mainstream and popular films, like the unique Wristcutters: A Love Story but of course not forgetting a lip-biting Sossamon, or the divisive sex-comedy dildo-weilding Shortbus

Goran Dukic Tom Waits, Shannyn Sossamon, Patrick Fugit

Paul Andrew Williams Lorraine Stanley, Sam Spruell

Wristcutters: A Love Story The stagnant universe of Wristcutters is “like this world, only a little worse”; though I can envisage a much worse after-life than one spent road-tripping to Gogol Bordello tracks with a seemingly ceaseless supply of beer. A silly yet very sweet suicide story with Shannyn Sossamon (who is THE sex).

Roseanna Eastoe

London To Brighton Paul Andrew Williams claims to have written the screenplay for this over a long weekend and unfortunately it shows. His story is a good idea ruined by a clichéd execution of the plot and an achingly obvious, and equally hackneyed ending. Not bad for an £80,000 budget, but ultimately, must do better.

Chris White

Chris Sivertson Marc Senter, Shay Astar The Lost A genuinely shocking look at narcissistic violence that makes for uncomfortable viewing without ever resorting to truly gratuitous imagery.

A character-driven horror film, based on a true story, and all the better for it. Think of it as a thinking man’s horror film, only it’s not as twatty as that makes it sound.

Chris White

Denis Langlois Dusan Dukic, Karyne Lemieux Amnesia: The James Brighton Enigma Man with amnesia, but does he really have amnesia or has he stolen someone’s identity? Think you’ve heard it all before? You have. Only difference is that he’s gay and it’s another one based on a true story.

Does that make it better? Does it bollocks. Unoriginal story, barely original treatment. Not great.

Chris White

Brian Kirk Matthew Macfayden, Eva Birthistle, Daniel Mays

Rankin/Ch ris Cottam James Cosmo, David Leon

Middletown Middletown is a dark drama that does not make for comfortable viewing. Starting slowly, the film, set in Northern Ireland soon gains pace as the monster of a rural village reveals itself in an unexpected form. It is a disturbing story excellently told; do not expect a happy ending.

The Lives Of the Saints This first feature of UK directors Rankin and Chris Cottan is a modern fairytale of an angelic looking boy giving reason to the lives of hopeless Londoners. Despite its innovative shots, the film lacks a stronger common thread linking the issues of religion, homosexuality and faith.

Ana Moreas

Katie Kennedy

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Shortbus Shortbus contains a credit for a ‘Pee and Vibrator Consultant’; unsurprisingly then it contains a lot of explicit sex, all of which is real (a blessing, as judging by the acting ability it couldn’t have been faked believably). More offensive than the sex is the fact that it’s over stylised, pretentious wank.

Ashley James

Doctor Who Surprisingly, there were very few fans there for chat about the special effects used on the BBC Wales series. However the ones that had managed to prise themselves away from their Electronic Sonic Screwdriver collections were treated to a behind the scenes look at the wonderful world of Doctor Who. Sara Watkin

Heroes And Villains It is a great shame that this is so horribly miscast and shoddily acted (with the most appalling voiceover ever), because it has an interesting central plot that is badly underutilised. What saves it is an incredibly funny closing act involving a giant blue Smurf with the bushiest of eyebrows saving the day.

Ashley James

TWENTYNINE

FILM

the documentaries...

A new strand of hard hitting social and political feature length documentaries. Highlighting current affairs such as the imminent oil crisis, the first ever elections in Baghdad and the truth behind the atrocities committed in the former Yugoslavia and Sierra Leone.

Janko Balijak

Vukovar - Final Cut A moving and disturbing documentary portraying the effects of war-time during the break up of the former Yugoslav state in the early 1990s.

The story is told through interviews, news reports and unnerving footage of shootings, scattered bodies, and drunken, bearded men with very large knifes. Schindler's List this isn’t.

Sara Watkin

Marc Francis, Nick Francis

Black Gold Following Starbucks allegations of inaccuracy it is inevitable that this would be scrutinised. It handles its subject matter well, contrasting the farmers’ struggle with the western culture which governs them. Though unconvincing on occasion, this beautifully shot documentary brings a global injustice to attention.

Ryan Cox

Laura Poitras

The Person De Leo N. Set in Venice, The Person De Leo. N follows the struggle of Nicola to become a transsexual not only in body but in mind. The play within a play style is unique in that we see how Nicola's life on stage as an actor mirrors her desire to act a part in real life. A brilliantly acted and touching film.

Lara Bell

Philippe Diaz

THIRTY

Crossing Arizona In the wake of the US midterms the issue of immigration has proven as controversial and divisive as ever.

Crossing Arizona focuses on those directly affected by the issue and gives a comprehensive and balanced view. Drastically ranging perspectives are explored extensively in this compelling piece.

Ryan Cox Alberto Vendemmiati

My Country, My Country Gritty documentary on real Iraqis that succeeds in showing just how ordinary Iraqis actually are, despite the occupation/liberation (depending on the cut of your beret).

The trouble with films like this, of course, is that the people who would benefit most are least likely to see it.

Chris White

The Empire In Africa This documentary about the civil war and subsequent humanitarian crisis in Sierra Leone is, without exaggeration, the most shocking peice of cinema I have ever seen. Despite being a well structured and suprisingly ambiguous piece of film making, the intensity of the images makes for very unpleasent viewing.

Si Truss

Joseph Mathew, Dan Devivo

Basil Gelpke, Ray McCormack

Elizabeth Marcus The Manics

A Crude Awakening: The Oil Crash The world's demand for oil is increasing at a rate that cannot be supplied for much longer and this interesting documentary that everyone should see if only to remind yourself of what you should already know: it’s not money that makes the world go round, it’s oil.

No Manifesto No Manifesto is a film about Manic Street Preachers. This should be enough to firmly divide opinion; the Manics’ would want it no other way.

Elizabeth Marcus presents her workin-progress, granting us a fascinating look at the band’s song-writing process – it really is a treasure for fans.

Rhys Trigg

Lara Bell

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FILM

welsh talent and animation

World, European and Welsh premieres from Eric Styles, David Evans, Ashley Way, Helen Grace, Karen Bird, Caradog James and presenting Justin Golding as well as adult only feature length animations.

Karen Bird Gaz Edwards, Erin Richards, Dav Hall-Williams Expiry Date Although made with a low budget, Expiry Date is a comical teen horror that does not fail to impress.

Director Karen Bird uses effective lighting and skilled editing to create a mixture of goriness and humour.

Accompanied by an impressive soundtrack, this film is definitely one to look out for.

Natalie Broome

Eric Styles Jaime King, Lydia Leonard True True Lie Despite having no connection to the Arnie film of a similar name, True True Lie is actually an impressive psycho-thriller that is genuinely unsettling. A good cast, a gritty quality and some nice directorial flourishes add a real sense of menace and foreboding that had me, at times, bricking it...

Andy Swidenbank

Caradog James Brian Hibbard, Helen Griffin Little White Lies Adapted from an idea which was originally a play, Little White Lies is an enjoyable if slightly unoriginal and unaccomplished Welsh film.

Following the concerns of a Welsh family from the valleys, each one of them gets involved with immigration in some way or other and their mother tries to hold it together.

Si Truss

14 randoms from Merthyr

Merthyr Media Project A sample of 14 people from Merthyr give us a master class in how not to use a camera. This bleak outlook on life in Merthyr is just another reason why people get fed up with people thinking they have something relevant to say using the medium of film.

Depeche Steve

David James Evans Richard Harrington

Ashley Way Tom Ellis, Sharon Morgan

The Christies Odd, confusing, arty and stifling (yet very funny), cult animator Phil Mulloy’s latest is an experimental success. 90 minutes with only 42 frames of animation, an entirely computer generated voice cast, and a disjointed, utterly baffling plot line somehow add up to a film which is an oddly pleasant festival surprise.

Si Truss

Free Jimmy The most expensive film ever to come out of Norway, managing to bankrupt two producers on the way, is an unsuccessful slice of adult CGI. The characters are not only animated in a very odd manner but lack any kind of likable personality.

When the best thing in a movie is a moose, it’s a bad sign.

Si Truss

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Helen Grace Ed Byrne, Lucy Punch, Andy Nyman Are You Ready For Love As clichéd as clichés can get, in the most clichéd film genre there is this turgid British romantic comedy is like the bastard love child of Bridget Jones 2 and Confetti. Full of tired stereotypes and dire dialogue, the three leads still emerge with credible performances, particularly Andy Nyman.

Ashley James Justin Golding N’Bushe Wright, Curtis NySmith God’s Forgotten House This attempts to encompass serious social issues including child abuse, sex, race and class. It is therefore devastating that Justin Golding’s clumsy approach to portraying sensitive scenes leaves the viewer disinterested and cold. A wooden turn from lead Curtis Nysmith damns this ineffectual effort.

Ryan Cox Chris Diani Nick Garrison, Lowell Deo Creatures from the Pink Lagoon A parody of many genres that is absolute rubbish, full of sexual innuendoes, incredibly short, bad camera work and awful sets but amusing nonetheless. My favourite bits were when the homosexual zombies threw up the pieces of flesh that tasted like straight men's cologne and when the sound of Judy Garland cured them all.

Katie Kennedy

THIRTYONE

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the best of the short films...

9 packages of short, live action and animated films from Wales, England, Scotland, Ireland, the National Film School of Denmark and the rest of the world!

6 short films

The National Film School of Denmark A startling selection all sharing themes of relationships and intimacy. From the unsettling relationship of mother and son in The Departure to Amelie-inspired Being Holger, with an introspective character who is love-shy. The Comedian proves most remarkable, improving on matter explored by Adrian Lyne’s Unfaithful.

Ana Moraes 5 short films

Screen Gems 6 Elen is a dismal yet touching story of a traumatic past among an interesting Welsh setting while Breaking Up... is a hilarious look at relationship break-up. ...Horace is a dreamy fairytale which is too ludicrous to enjoy. Conversely the tense and absorbing Hydra was gripping and unforgettable.

Matthew Tozer 24 short films

Animated Shorts 1. Distressing, 2. Genius, 3. Odd, 4.

Beautiful 5. Truthful, 6. Impressive, 7. Brilliant, 8. Sad, 9. Class, 10.

Poetic, 11. Ugly, 12. Entertaining, 13. Huh?, 14. Amusing!, 15. Ouch!, 16. Aww!, 17. Hilarious!, 18.

Corrupt, 19. Educational, 20. Flash, 21. Awesome, 22. Gross 23. Heavy 24.“Nice!!"

Cath Leech

THIRTYTWO

6 short films

It’s My Shout Short Films 2006 Kids in their last summer before ‘big’ school ask ‘big’ questions about inevitable change. Fit for the silver screen, Gun shoots downwards a la Tarkovsky questioning the abnormality of the normal, and later shoots upwards a la Badlands Malick contemplating youthful actions in an adult world.

Ryan Owen

8 short films

Irish Shorts Encompassing surreal, dark comedies (a mob enforcer with a wandering hand) to period drama (the moody Goth-piece Villains), this shows a distinct market for Gaelic language and Irish filmmaking. A highlight is the amusing 22 no 20, while a potential low point is the contrived Never Judge a Book.

Ewen Hosie

8 short films

UK Shorts 1 Traffic-warden terror, urban foxhunts, old-people porn... hmm...the touching Antonio's Breakfast uses moody camerawork cleverly fitting the claustrophobic narrative, while the deliciously surreal Goodbye Mr. Snuggles, with its psychotic characters and perfect cutting is a little nibble of joyous hilarity.

Roseanna Eastoe 5 short films

World Shorts 1 As always with a selection of short films some are great and some poor. 5G (USA) was the clear highlight though, a delicate tale of an old man and a birthday present; it has the type of quiet comedy and gentle emotion that Woody Allen made his name from. High praise indeed.

Will Hitchins

15 short films

UK Shorts 2 Sarcastic British humour was dominant on almost all pieces. Our usual tradition of satirising dark issues is a winner. Present at the screening was the director of innovative fantasy musical Gorgeous Labour of Love along with the debut director of comedy Knock, Knock.

Ana Moraes 8 short films

Scottish Shorts This collection of shorts displays an exciting array of dynamic talent. Run manages to find tension in a disarmingly basic premise while other highpoint Sweetie proves achingly sad. It also features talented animated efforts, including the hypnotic The Gift, the story of a girl, a kelpie and her underwater adventures.

Ewen Hosie

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM

Quench nominations... and AWARDS

The Cardiff Film Festival have their mini awards but we at Quench have our very own. We have had floods of emails and texts of nominations and here are the results...

Best Picture

Venus

Best Director

Venus Shut Up And Shoot Me Half Nelson Stranger Than Fiction Hollywoodland

Best Lead Actor

Roger Michell Allen Coulter Ryan Fleck Jean Baptiste Andrea Birgit Moller

Peter O’Toole

Best Lead Actress

Karel Roden

Karel Roden Leslie Phillips Dustin Hoffman Ben Affleck Simon Pegg

Best Supp. Actress

he votes that came in for best actor and actress are fairly representative of the quality on show.

Peter O’ Toole and Andy Nyman were joint on the amount of votes that came in for Best Lead actor, but we settled on Peter O’ Toole because... well, all will be clear.

After an interview with Andy on the phone spanning over half an hour; seeing two of his films in the festival (talking to Quench Film on both occasions), where both his performances were standouts. His talented son Preston also had a role in a short film, proving that the acting bug runs in the family. For these reasons, Andy Nyman wins the Nick Frost Award. This is because we have designated Mr Nyman the honour of ‘the new Nick Frost’ and this

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Maggie Gyllenaal

Anna Gieslerova Vannessa Redgrave Maggie Gyllenhaal Robin Tunney Shareeka Epps

The Nick Frost Award goes to...

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Emma Thompson

Agata Buzek Jodie Whittaker Emma Thompson Diane Lane Sandra Muller

Andy Nyman Peter O’Toole Will Ferrell Adrien Brody Ryan Gosling

Best Supp. Actor

Best Picture

Andy Nyman is something which we do not bestow lightly.

We hope to see him again in the future and we wish all the best with the upcoming Frank Oz directed Death at a Funeral.

Emma Thompson’s role in Stranger Than Fiction was neurotically charged, tobacco-addled and completely brilliant, turning the film into a bona fide winner.

We think Maggie Gyllenhaal may have won on her sex appeal as opposed to her performance but Film Ry contests that his descriptionher as ‘knee-quivering’ entirely stems from her portayal as a boho indie-chic, Vivienne Westwood, rebel without a cause hippie chick.

Ryan Fleck metaphorically walks away with the award for best director for Half Nelson, which could have so easily pandered to stereotypical notions of black subculture.

Karel Roden (Rasputin from Film Ewen favourite Hellboy) gets the supporting actor kudos due to his wildeyed, petulant turn as a frustrated wannabe who constructs schemes to kill a suicidal Colin Frampton (Nyman) in Shut Up and Shoot Me. It is an inspired role just edging out legends such as Hoffman, Phillips, Affleck (questionable, but he’s good in Kevin Smith flicks) and Pegg. He could be the new Peter Stormare to Nyman’s Frost.

Ryan Owen and Ewen Hosie

THIRTYTHREE

dvds

FILM MONK: SERIES ONE TO FOUR Out Now urdered by the BBC due to it’s schedule in the Murder She Wrote/Diagnosis Murder afternoon slot, Monk is the true hidden gem of American TV. Superbly written by creator Andy Breckman it balances wonderfully thought-out crime riddles with a razor-sharp wit.

Multi-award winner Tony Shalhoub dazzles as the flawed-genius Adrian Monk and Ted Levine nails the part of the hysterically angry Captain Stottlemeyer with a worrying ease.

The show has its disruptions; a change of theme music and a change in cast (the integral role of Monk's assistant), however neither greatly affects what is a stunningly crafted show worthy of the highest praise.

Spread over sixteen disks the boxset contains every single episode within series one to four. The only flaw in the boxset is the noticeable lack of DVD extras, which could have been included, however the vast volume of Monk alone should be enough to keep the fans happy. Monk Monk Monk.

Ashley James

M Bateman’s best

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST Out Now on’t listen to any grumpy, arse-faced nay sayers who will tell you this isn’t a brilliant film, they’re just a bunch of liars and are probably part of a government conspiracy against Captain Jack aka Johnny Depp.

Ok, so Orlando Bloom is wooden and it may possibly be far too long and complicated for small children. I personally can’t get enough of Johnny Depp’s swashbuckling antics. Plus this time around there’s a massive, vagina-mouthed Kraken that eats boats.

I haven’t seen the DVD yet, but I’m assuming that the extras are awesome. I honestly won’t be able to sleep until part three . AVAST! Si Truss

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comedy boxset EDDIE IZZARD: STAND UP BOXSET Out Nov 27th ands down the funniest transvestite on the planet (which is quite a title), Eddie Izzard has, over the last decade, risen through the ranks to become one of the undisputed kings of stand up.

This boxset, which brings together all his previously released shows from the early Definite Article to the more recent Sexie, is the perfect way to get to grips with Izzard’s live repertoire.

Si Truss

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: Octo-core

special edition

tv boxset

SUPERMAN II: SPECIAL EDITION Out Dec 4th hen the three sleaziest super-villains in the Universe crash the White House, only one man can save the day.

Superman has already hung up his cape for a life of domestic bliss with his beloved Lois. For once the baddies seem like a match for the man of steel; Terence Stamp as General Zod and his cohorts Ursa and Non come dangerously close to corrupting apple-pie America with their louche Old World ways and Goth-fabulous outfits.

Made in a more naïve time when superheroes didn’t have to be tortured souls, Superman II is infinitely more entertaining than the latest episode in the franchise.

Michael Gilby

PLANET EARTH: THE COMPLETE SERIES (5 DISCS) Out Now ive years in production, the BBC’s groundbreaking Planet Earth series is a triumph of film-making.

Astounding, beautifully shot footage combines with rarely seen creatures and animal behaviours never captured on film before.

Extreme locations and the wonderfully soothing voice of Sir David Attenborough bring a complete and intimate portrait of our planet. This gorgeous set is like nothing you will have seen, with all the wild, beautiful, terrifying and humbling sights of the natural world captured perfectly; and with five discs, brilliant extras and lovely packaging, there’s plenty of longevity.

Andrew Williams

W

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THIRTYFOUR

INTERVIEWS

The London Film Festival attracts the leading lights of cinema with directors, actors, writers and other creative talents heading to the UK’s capital city. Amira Hashish and Nicola Menage were there to get an insight into the on and off-screen events.

The history

5

0 years ago, in October 1957, the first London Film Festival opened with a screening of Kurasawa's masterly Throne of Blood, setting the tone for a festival that proposed to present the best of contemporary world cinema to diverse audiences. For ten days the National Film Theatre was packed with audiences enjoying works from several directors.

Since then the Festival has grown in scale and stature and whilst retaining an element of the initial 'festival of festivals' idea, this has been matched by a desire to show genuinely new discoveries, bringing premieres of previously unseen new films. And while the Festival continues to be an event that attracts sizeable public audiences (115,000 in 2005) it has also developed a strong presence of national and international press and industry delegates.

“Our 50th anniversary is without doubt a significant year for us,” comments Artistic Director, Sandra Hebron, “we marked the occasion with commissions, publications and activities across London. We supplemented our regular programme with a series of one-off events, including a spectacular screening in Trafalgar

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Square and the largest ever surprise film screening, showing simultaneously in 50 venues across the city.”

“We have also taken advantage of our birthday to take stock and plan for our future. We are fortunate that our festival takes place in such a culturally dynamic city, and one that lies at the heart of international filmmaking. With this in mind our intention is to ensure that the festival continues to consolidate its position as a vibrant world-class event. To this end we will be strengthening still further the initiatives for our industry delegates, including our buyers and sellers screenings and our training and professional development activities.”

The venues National Film Theatre – South Bank Odeon West End – Leicester Square, Tricycle Cinema – Kilburn Ciné Lumière – South Kensington ICA Cinema – The Mall Ritzy Cinema – Brixton Vue West End – Leicester Square

Up close and personal

F

ilm fans had the rare opportunity to engage in question & answer sessions with some of their favourite actors and directors thanks to the Five US Screen Talks.

Forest Whitaker and Dustin Hoffman were welcomed on stage again, along with Christine Vachon, Tim Burton and Richard Linklater, and John Cameron Mitchell and Paul Verhoeven talked candidly about their careers at The Script Factory/NFTS Masterclasses.

Happy birthday

B

oth of the Festival’s special 50th Anniversary events were highlights in the jubilee programme, and even stopped the rain for the innovative ‘Portrait of London’ in Trafalgar Square. Mike Figgis was joined by contributing filmmakers Simon McBurney, Ngozi Onwurah, Alwin Kuchler and Jes Benstock as the live mix enraptured a large crowd.

Sandra Hebron, commented “We’ve been delighted by the enthusiastic response of filmmakers and audiences alike to our special birthday Festival. The diversity of the films on offer, the range and calibre of guests who’ve attended, and the success of our industry and educational events puts the Festival in a very strong position as we look forward to our next 50 years”.

THIRTYFIVE

INTERVIEWS

Stranger Than Fiction Amira Hashish and Nicola Menage report from the red carpet What’s the plot?

A

fter ten years of painstaking work, novelist Karen Eiffel (Emma Thompson) is nearing completion on her latest, and potentially finest, book.

Her only remaining challenge is to figure out how to kill off her main character, Harold Crick. Little does she know that Harold Crick (Will Ferrell) is inexplicably alive-and-well in the real world, and suddenly aware of her words. Fiction and reality collide when the bewildered and hilariously resistant Harold hears what she has in mind and realizes he must find a way to change her (and his) ending. Columbia Pictures and Mandate Pictures’ STRANGER THAN FICTION is a heartfelt comedy about taking the life you have and making it the one you've always wanted.

THIRTYSIX

T

he London Film Festival hosted the European Premier for Stranger Than Fiction. In attendance were Hollywood movie stars, Dustin Hoffman, Will Ferrell, Emma Thompson as well as writer Zach Helm and producer Lindsay Doran.

Dustin Hoffman was delighted to be at the event and could not contain his enthusiasm for the City. “I love London. I would prefer to live here,” he says. “Unfortunately, I raised all these children. The last one has just left the house though.

So that means I can now live here if I feel like it. I don’t know where my wife is (looks for his wife.) Maybe I can talk her into it.”

The down-to-earth A-lister gets on swimmingly with his co-stars. “I didn’t work with anyone except Will Ferrell or Emma Thompson. But you are bound to enjoy working with those two. They are first rate actors and so the film has a first rate cast.

It’s one of the best casts I have ever been privileged enough to work with.

Maggie Gyllenhaal is in the movie as well. She is really happy because she has just had a baby.”

Anchorman and Talladega Nights star, Will Ferrell, is well-known for his comedic streak and he was on top form at this premiere. When asked how similar he is to his character in the movie he chuckles, “We are both

tall and very good looking.” So what does Mr Ferrell do to relax and unwind? “I usually go out for a day of shop lifting,” he laughs. “I find that relaxing. It doesn’t matter where. Electronic store, retail. I’m not fussy.”

“

I find shoplifiting relaxing. It doesn’t matter where.

Retail, women’s underwear...

Will Ferrell British actress, Emma Thompson, has more of a conscience. Despite borrowing many expensive clothes and accessories for premieres she resists the temptation to keep them.

“The necklace I am wearing today has been photographed by millions of photographers but at the end of the day I have to hand it back.”

Her glamorous off-screen persona is very different from her recent onscreen roles. “You have got to admit, some of them have been pretty gross,” says Thompson. “The transformation is quite fun but it is all part of the theatre of it. I mean, this is theatre (pointing to her surroundings at the Premiere). This is all mad.”

She does enjoy a bit of madness though. “As long as I don’t have to do it all the time it’s great. When you

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS are proud of a film and you are with people that you love like Dustin (Hoffman), Will (Ferrell) and Zac (Helm) who are all involved in Stranger Than Fiction with me then it is just a great joy. You want to say to everybody, “Look. We have spent this amount of time making this movie.

We are really proud of it. We really want to offer it to you with as much enthusiastic love as possible.” Offer accepted.

The film’s director, Marc Foster was also proud of his cast. “Emma is one of the great actresses of our generation,” says Forster of the decision to offer Thompson the part of Kay. “She’s a sensitive and brilliant actress, and she’s also a very intelligent woman. I knew she would bring not only her skill as an actress to the part, but also that intelligence.”

Professor Hilbert has been described by the film’s production team as “one of the film’s most colorful, comical and emotionally complex characters.” Forster immediately knew the actor he wanted to play the part — Dustin Hoffman, who had played a small but key role in Forster’s Finding Neverland. “I had fallen in love with Dustin then and wanted to continue the romance,” laughs the director. “He’s a wonderful collaborator and he has such incredible passion. As I read the part of Professor Hilbert, I thought, “Oh, that’s Dustin.”

Doran was in complete agreement. “There aren’t that many actors whom you could believe as somebody who knows that much about literature and even fewer who can be both so smart and so funny at the same time,” she says.

“Dustin brings all his intelligence to the part, but never at the expense of the humor or the sensitivity. Hilbert is a hilarious character, but like Harold, he has a secret longing that is uncovered by the end of the story.”

Foster was also keen to get inolved with Ferrell. “When I met Will Ferrell, I sensed a man who was very humble, very smart, very down-toearth and very introverted – and I instantly knew he was Harold Crick,” says Forster. “I felt very lucky because Will brought the very same vision of Harold I had in my head fully to life. He has a natural gift that allows him to do things in this film that no one has seen him do

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

before — subtle comedy and equally subtle drama. He approached the role soulfully and yet made Harold feel like a real human being, not just a screen character. I don’t believe there is anyone who could have brought all those nuances to the role.”

Though Ferrell’s life would seem to have little in common with this character, the actor says he felt an immediate connection to Harold Crick.

“There is something about Harold’s quiet solitude and the way he has to step outside of that to really live his life for the first time that completely resonated with me, because I have that kind of quiet side, too, and I need that kind of impetus to step out of it.”

“

When you are proud of a film and you are with the people that you love then it is a great joy to go to the premieres. I am proud of Stranger Than Fiction The role of Harold Crick gave Ferrell a new challenge. “Almost everything I’ve done so far has been out-and-out straight comedy. This was a big change, not to mention that it’s one of the best scripts I’d ever read. It examines big themes with beautiful touches of humanity and humour.”

The actors are clearly as proud of their work as the director is. Just before they are called to attend the screening, Dustin Hoffman approaches the journalists on the red carpet.

“Are you guys going to come and watch the movie. It is really good you have to come see it.” He turns to the security, “If these guys aren’t allowed in I refuse to go and see it.”

Who could turn the Hollywood legend that is Mr Hoffman down?

*STRANGER THAN FICTION IS IN CINEMAS FROM DECEMBER 1

IN THE NEXT QUENCH: INTERVIEWS ATTENDS THE PREMIER OF NEW ZEALAND FILM No.2 THIRTYSEVEN

INTERVIEWS

A filmmakers’ feast As part of the London Film Festival, journalists got the chance to chat to up-and-coming filmmakers over tea, toast and marmalade..

Interviews chatted to three very different directors on animation, John Lennon and the war in Iraq.

“The Film festival has been really good. It’s really exciting to see some films that I wouldnt have had the chance to see otherwise.”

1

Was filmmaking always something you wanted to do?

“Filmmaking actually wasn’t always something I wanted to do. I studied as an undergraduate at Bournmouth university and thought I was going to be a technician. I did computer animation which is a very diverse course, and I ended up wanting to learn how to do special effects for film which is why I ended up at the Royal College of Arts.

“My classmates are the ones who have probably inspired me in filmmaking. As good as the course at Bournmouth is for computer anima-

2

tion, I didn’t really learn much about other sorts of animation. Its a very wide and diverse subject.”

Where do you get ideas from and what do you like about filmmaking?

“The ideas for my films I suppose come from the animation experiments that I want to try out. I’m still interested in learning more about writing. I find that one of the most enjoyable experiences of making a film.

“One of the most valuable things I’ve learned from studying and making films is just to keep learning. I’m only 25 and I’ve come to do what I’m doing through a number of different routes so I’m not sure I’m the best person to give advice but I think you have to make sure you enjoy what you’re doing. If you’re not then

Ian MacKinnon Ian Mackinnon is a young filmmaker, newly graduated from the Royal College of Arts in Kensington.

His short film is Adjustment, which he describes as ‘a live action film with lots of animation in it.’

It has been described as a drama of emotional and technical obsession. you’re probably doing something wrong.

“I’m not sure where I’ll see myself in 10 years time: I get very itchy feet so I’ll probably be doing something completely different.”

“The film [The Ground Truth] is about what happens when you kill people.”

It looks at the effects of killing in war. It starts out with the recruiting and then bootcamp training and then there’s a pretty long section of war in Iraq so it takes you through - just a glimpse - of what the soldiers go through.

Why this kind of film?

Patricia Foulkrod

Patricia was born in New Jersey, beginning her career in television and film as an assistant in news and public affairs at WNET-TV in New York.

She has worked as a producer for independent feature films and has now directed her recent film The Ground Truth.

THIRTYEIGHT

“I was really pissed off when we went to war, like a lot of Americans and I started reading some articles that weren’t in the mainstream media about how maybe six months into the war we had already manically airvacked thousands and thousands of soldiers but we were only saying that there were a couple of hundred injured. And that just made me so angry and I figured that if the American people knew that they would feel the same way as I do. So that was the beginning.”

Is it important to draw attention to sensitive issues?

“For me there are endless issues that are causing us pain and suffering -” [She stops to accept some toast from a waitress, commenting, “the only thing I can tolerate is orange marmalade! No matter how sick you are in England you can tolerate orange marmalade!”] She resumes: “Anyway. Yes, I think it is really important.”

“When you feel outraged about something, you end up - not anyone - but I ended up saying, ‘I’m going to make a film about this subject because I have to and it’s something I’m capable of doing.’”

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS “I might not be capable of being in the government or going to Iraq but I am capable of making a film. I’m different I think: I’m not young and I’m not a driven filmmaker as much as I’m driven to get the story out more than I’m driven to be a director.

Best aspect of directing?

“The best aspect of directing is that you can say something. And you can determine what it is you want to say. You can have a lot of help but ultimately you can figure out what it is you want to say and you can say it.

“And what I wanted to say in this film is that if any country - particularly America - is going to deploy men and women to war, we’ve got to, as citizens, think about Movie still from The Ground Truth what we’re doing before we do it.

“Why, in America do they say ‘support the troops’ and not ‘support the killers.’

People act like we don’t know what people are going off to war to do.

It was difficult seeing all the images and effects of war. It was very difficult but you have to do it.”

Any advice for filmmakers?

“My advice would be don’t think about it just do it. If you think about it then you won’t do it! Don’t think about it and don’t wait for the money.”

3 John Sceinfeld John Sceinfeld was born in Milwaukee, attended Oberlin College and Northwestern University and specialises in making documentaries.

His recent film The U.S vs John Lennon was compiled from the hours of footage of him, which tells the story of his worldwide struggle for peace.

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

“It’s not a biography” “When we say the U.S vs John Lennon what we are really talking about is putting a context on what was going on in the UK at that time, socially, politically, culturally: how did that shape who John lennon became and then what was he stepping into when he became more verbally, more socially active?

“I was a huge beatles fan growing up and I was naturally drawn to stories about him. But this is a story I didn’t know. It was very much not known in the 70s when it occured, and it took 20 years and the release of government documents before it became clear what the government was trying to do to him.

“What was important to us was researching a little bit about his background in so far as to explain why he became a rebel.

“But it isn’t about The Beatles, it isn’t about his first marriage...where it becomes important is where he meets Yoko. If you look at John before Yoko he is one kind of person. After Yoko, he is a different kind of person not because she changed him, in my view, but because they changed each other. I dont think the campaign for peace would have come from either of them individually. I think it came from a very peculiar alchemy of both of their personalities.

“In the film clips you get to see how charismatic he was, how funny he was. We must have looked at over a hundred hours of material

“

“I was really pissed off when we went to war with Iraq”

before deciding what was going to go in the film.

“What was surprising was the fact that he had no entourage, he had none telling him what to think. whatever he said, he said from his heart and with great passion.”

Why does documentary style filmmaking apeal to you?

“I like the form, where you can use existing material and shape and form it to tell a story.

“But what we do in our films we give it a traditional structure: we have ups and downs, B stories and C stories: we apply the same storytelling to a documentary that you would to a narrative film.

“I love my job. I get to go to fascinating places and meet fascinating people who say fascinating things.

And its different from being on the set with actors,hoping that the actors will give you the performance that you want, although I would like to make one of those films one day and I hope I will.

Any advice for filmmakers?

“Be passionate about what you do and be passionate about your story.

“Don’t just do something to do something, because if that’s your approach then I don’t think the work’s going to be that good. I’ve always vowed to do projects that I really love, that nurtured my soul and stimulated me.”

THIRTYNINE

INTERVIEWS

The View

with David Leon

The British actor on...

Films

“I love the London Film Festival.

My favourite place to hang out in London is the East End. It is where I live. I like Old Street and Brick Lane. They are great areas.”

“My favourite film of all time is Raging Bull by Martin Scorsese. For me, as an actor, it is a fantastic performance by DeNiro.It is very difficult to get a film made in this country. There is not that much money around for it.”

The Lives of Saints

Until now David Leon was probably best known for his role as Troy Gilliespie in BBC series, Cutting It. Amira Hashish catches up for him at the premiere of his new movie, The Lives Of The Saints, at the London Film Festivlal FORTY

“

The city

“I was immediately attracted to The Lives Of The Saints. First and foremost it was a great script. It is very rare that you read something that you get immediately passionate about. The chance to work with Rankin and Toni Grisoni who wrote the film, Fear and Love in Las Vegas and Brothers of the Head was also a massive appeal. I am a fan of the films that Toni has written. This script is very original. I have not read anything like it and it is a real blessing. People either love or hate it but I would rather that than just have a script that seems like it has been done before.”

““ Playing the part

“Getting into acting mode is fun. In The Lives Of The Saints, I play a fellow who the story centres around. It is a story about greed and wanting to have everything but not necessarily earning it. My character achieves all his desires over-night but has to deal with the consequences. It is a bit of a moral tale but there is more to it as well. It works on several levels.”

Chilling

“In my spare time, it is great to chill out with friends, play some sport and go to the gym. I do like a bit of football. Alan Shearer is my all-time favourite player. I am going to have a couple of drinks to chill out tonight.”

The Rank “I obviously knew of Rankin before but did not know a great deal about him. I have since become a huge fan of his. I think he is a fantastic director. If he choses to do more films I wish him the very best. He has got a great talent.”

Clothes “I wore Dior on the evening of The Lives Of The Saints screening at the festival. You have to make the most of good suits because events like this don’t happen every day. For everyday clothes, I like shopping in Selfridges, Covent Garden and Carnaby Street.”

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ARTS LYSISTRATA

Chapter Arts Centre 14 - 18 November Sexual beings

THE HISTORY BOYS: life lessons

Lessons in love THE HISTORY BOYS New Theatre 14 - 18 November

THE FOURTH CHAIR The Social 12 November

Word play

It’s just one thing after another

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ho would have thought history could be so entertaining? Alan Bennett’s The History Boys tackles growing up, sex, friendship and education in a 1980s grammar school and is a delight to watch.

Eight boys have been selected by their ambitious headmaster to sit Oxbridge entrance exams. Refusing to leave anything to chance, the headmaster takes on a bright young history teacher to steer the boys towards success.

On the surface, the plot is deceptively simple and that is perhaps the secret of The History Boys’ success: in a very ordinary classroom setting, relationships, desire, ambition and the snobbery of our education system all come under scrutiny.

In an exceptional cast, Ben Barnes stands out for his obvious delight in his role as Dakin, the class heartthrob. Steven Webb, as Posner, brings an edgy vulnerability and gives a thoughtful portrayal of his character’s infatuation with Dakin. Bennett’s witty and intelligent script is delivered masterfully in this production.

The History Boys is hugely enjoyable and has an undeniably universal appeal – we’ve all been to school and have all had to face the pressures and confusions of growing up.

A rapturous reception by audience and critics alike, as well as a film adaptation of the production, stand testament to this fantastic new play.

Kim O’Connor

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

I

f you want slapstick, off-the-wall, quirky comedy, then check out The Fourth Chair. Comprised of only six comedians, the group had us in raptures for their entire hour and a half show.

The laughter kicked off immediately when we were asked to shout out the name of the first person we’d slept with. Then, after members of the audience called out two random words, ‘pickle’ and ‘dodecahedron’, the comedians gave their own individual takes on them, starting with the fact that Napoleon’s penis is preserved in pickle. These thoughts led on to a series of sketches. We saw a hilarious, strait-laced, German factory owner showing visitors around a pickled food factory, an admirer who pickles his hand as a sign of devotion to his lady, and a teacher believing himself to be God granting his pupil a C in her Maths GCSE (involving dodecahedrons, naturally).

The next two words called out were ‘confessions’ and ‘gargantuan’, leading to more eclecticism: a beat boxing rapper sitting in a confessional box, Usher utterly failing to impress the staff at a French restaurant, and a hefty cannibal who marries a dimwitted woman, with an original plan to have a cat together: ‘There’s a smell of future in the air, and it smells of catnip’. Entirely based on improvisation, the comedians’ ingenuity never failed to impress and amaze.

Tasha Prest-Smith

L

ysistrata is a modern adaptation of Aristophanes’ anti war comedy in which the women of Greece go on a sex-strike to force their husbands to make peace. This community production is entertaining and fast-paced with feminist undertones.

The play begins with an ensemble piece, in which the lead, Lysistrata (Amanda Collins) mimes to Shirley Bassey’s ‘History Repeating’, while a montage of chilling war images, ranging from the Trenches to Iraq is projected onto the background. The message is clear, yet the poignancy of this first scene is somewhat lost in the bizarre antics that follow. This kind of musical ensemble is repeated with much comic value throughout the performance. However, its links to the story become more and more tenuous.

The finale plays out to Elvis’s A Little Less Conversation, which seems a contradictory choice as the supposed message from the women of Greece is to talk more and act less. The war images are replaced by pink, shiny paper hearts adorning the walls of the stage and the grit of the opening scene surrenders to the triteness of a happy ending. Overall though, the production is well acted and thoroughly enjoyable, with some hilariously strange comic moments.

Amy Grier

LYSISTRATA: make love not war

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ARTS

It’s not over til the fat Can students and the rest of the great unwashed enjoying opera? Tasha Prest-Smith thinks they can

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utmoded. Irrelevant. Tedious.

These are just some of the some of the common misconceptions associated with opera.

Despite being dismissed by many, opera is not merely inaccessible ‘high art’. Opera, in fact, encompasses sex, drugs and, yes, even some rock and roll. The sexually powerful, bewitching gypsy, Carmen, who can’t decide which man she wants to dominate. The love potion that Tristan and Isolde take which forces them to accept their relentless passion for one another. And can you get any more rock and roll than Sweeney Todd, the ultimate rebel, who turns innocent people (who unwittingly bowl up to his barber shop) into meat pies? Opera offers us such delights in abundance.

Sweeney Todd (along with productions such as Evita and West Side Story) is an example of a musical which has since become a classified part of opera repertory. In recent years there has been much debate surrounding the definition of opera.

There have been, for example, heated discussions over whether Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice wrote a ‘rock opera’ with Jesus Christ Superstar, so that the art form could appeal to the masses.

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Opera allows you a few precious hours of escapism into an entirely new world Conversely, Trevor Nunn has recently adapted Porgy and Bess, a four hour opera by George Gershwin, for the West End stage, which is being advertised as a musical. It seems that the line of distinction between musical and opera is rather fluid, which can only be an asset, as it means that there is an opera out

FORTYTWO

there to appeal to everyone, regardless of age, gender or class.

Damsels in distress, family curses, starcrossed lovers…opera can come across as quite clichéd. This is because earlier composers generally made use of mythical stories and Arthurian legends or retold earlier fictional works for their operas. However, the twentieth century has seen the emergence of contemporary historical operas. The Death of Klinghoffer and Nixon in China

by John Adams, for example, exemplify the dramatisation of events in recent living memory, where the characters portrayed were alive at the time of Sweeny Todd the première performance. Jerry Springer the Opera is about as far as you can get from traditional opera, a mishmash of swearing, transvestites and troubled men sporting nappies.

Unfortunately, opera has acquired a bad name, mostly because of its connotations of snobbery and ostentation. Perhaps there is even a grain of truth in this prejudice: opera was first performed to aristocratic audiences in Italy in around 1600. Whilst it’s true that the cost of tickets at the Royal Opera House and Glyndebourne are on the extortionate side, they offer only a small part of the opera that takes place in the

Dido and Aeneas

country. Even young children can be both educated and entertained by opera, as innovative projects are currently bringing touring professionals into primary schools to perform abridged versions of the classics.

Opera is sung in a vast variety of languages, including Hungarian, Italian, French, Czech, Russian, Spanish and German.

Many opera houses, such as the Wales Millennium Centre, now have subtitles in English and Welsh, which encompasses a good balance between linguistic authenticity and audience comprehension. There are even some English-language operas, such as Henry Purcell’s Dido and Aeneas.

Opera has appeal on several levels. Firstly, from a slightly materialistic point of view, opera houses are renowned for their majestic presence. Sydney Opera House is

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ARTS

lady sings deservedly renowned as one of the most famous landmarks in the world.

The Teatro alla Scala in Milan is another piece of symmetrical, goldenstoned beauty, composed of Classical-style pillars, arches and balconies. The interiors are often just as impressive, with opulent, velvety-curtained décors and classy brasseries for that all-important martini on the rocks in the interval. Secondly, traditional opera infuses classical music with meaning, where each haunting aria or fiery orchestral chorus helps to weave unforgettable tales. Often we appreciate music because we can relate to its message in some way and opera music is no different.

Thirdly, opera encompasses a multifaceted artistic experience.

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You can switch South Wales for Seville

scenery and costume are as crucial to opera as tiptop singing and acting abilities are. The Welsh National Opera’s performance of Madame Butterfly, Giacomo Puccini’s doomed love story of a fragile geisha and an American lieutenant, for example, opens with a set of thirty thousand handmade flowers.

Why does opera continue to be appreciated to this day? Because, just as we still admire the didactic role of Greek Tragedy and the enduring genius of Shakespeare, so too does opera have something to offer us. It ranges from the comic, as seen in the tricks and disguises of Figaro in The Barber of Seville, to the tragic, as exemplified by the drastically wrong turns taken by the femme fatale Manon Lescaut, covering jealousy, infidelity and divine retribution along the way. Opera’s themes, its concerns and its challenges, are as relevant, thought-provoking and universal today as they were back in the seventeenth century when it had its genesis. But perhaps the quintessential beauty of opera lies in the operatic voice itself, whether it be a spinetingling soprano or a benign baritone; voices which reveal to us the sheer power of song in expressing the complexities of life and the lamentations of the human heart.

Richard Wagner, for example, evolved a new concept of opera as a Gesamtkunstwerk (‘complete work of art’), a fusion of music, poetry and painting. Like all dramatic performances, opera allows you a few precious hours of escapism into an entirely new world, where you can swap South Wales for Seville. It should also be pointed out that opera is not just about singing. Many performances, particularly in the French opera tradition, also incorporate dance, (and if you’re not a fan of classical music, there are modernist-style operas in circulation too.)

The enormous attention to detail within operas should Madame Butterfly not be underestimated. The intricacies of

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

what’s on The Rocky Horror Show @ New Theatre 4 - 9 December Follow squeaky clean sweethearts Brad and Janet on an adventure they’ll never forget, with the scandalous Frank N Furter, rippling Rocky and vivacious Magenta. Get ready for a night of fun, frolics and frivolity in this brand spanking new production.

Ready to thrill you with its frothy fun and naughty moments, this is the boldest bash of them all, so fish out the fishnets, stuff up your Basque and sharpen those stilettos for the rockiest ride of your life.

Mitchell and Webb (above) @ Wales Millennium Centre 5 December Join David Mitchell and Robert Webb for an evening of wondering where the camera is and forgetting to speak up, as they weave character, suspense and comedy just by titting around in front of some painted wood. David and Robert conjure a world inhabited by gritty urban anti-heroes, pantomime space villains and alcoholic snooker commentators and then they make them talk to each other like they're in some crazy play with nowhere near enough actors.

Christmas Exhibition @ Martin Tinney Gallery 16 - 30 December There are approximately forty artists represented in the show, each with a unique style and subject matter. One of the highlights this year is a series of beautiful pen and ink works by Leslie Moore.

FORTYTHREE

The new d d y h r r i ga blog

E N I L N O NOW!

irrhydd.com

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gairrhydd Available in the Students’ Union, university buildings, halls of residences and around Cathays every Monday morning www.gairrhydd.com Your student newspaper, online

MUSIC

TheiPods Band Wagon are evil and Cub Scouts are cool Thought of the week...

The World vs iPods.

H

aving never been a fan of the iPod I am a little confused as to why it has brought me so much joy to discover that most of my asteemed peer group were in trouble and strife with theirs.

A little over a year since everything musically mobile seemingly went digital it’s all gone tits up due to Apple’s business savy intelligence and sense of humour, in the fact that they just break. Ha. My problem is it is simply just boring to have all of your music at your fingertips at all times. Giving not a whiff of thought or creativity in terms of musical selction or mixtape exchange. And so I left it to my trusty mini-disc player and it’s 160+ minute per slice of disc insides, with many a bowel movement enducing mix made by both myself and others. Sadly it has since died due to sand injuries.

And so I, like so many, the lovely TV Gareth included, have reverted to the good old CD walkman.

It’s handy and involves no faffing.

It has lent a new excitment to my mobile disco. So maybe I’m just stubborn or maybe I was right all along, to keep it real; in the hands instead of just the ether. SJ

Flyswatter at Barfly Flyswatter mastermind Rich Samuels: “I try to play a complete mix of the most exciting current and old music at flyswatter; anything that has momentum and can be danced to whilst appealing to indie kids.

Everything from Hot Chip, the Long Blondes right back through Pulp,

QUENCH LOVES LOCAL LEAVE THE CAPITAL/ TRUCKERS OF HUSK/SHAKE MY HAND Clwb Ifor Bach

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n First on at Clwb tonight are young indie tykes Shake My Hand, formerly of Yossarian, whose minimalist melancholic guitar sound resembles a twee version of Interpol.

Songs were fine, sound was fine, it was all-fine. Sadly however the band lacked a certain punch.

NEWS IN BREIF: Quench speaks to the Futureheads bassist Jaff about being dropped from label 679 and their plans for the future. While walking his dog out near his home Jaff noted how they weren’t too bothered about recent label problems “normal people don’t care about what record label you’re on, they just want to hear your new songs!” Their upcoming tour is still going ahead off their own backs as well as their headline slot at Zane Lowe’s christmas shindig. Seemingly confident about securing future interest, Jaff went on to point out that 679 has always given them the freedom they needed and that they weren’t the bad guys.

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

17th Nov

H

SUPPORT THEM!

ollywood’s new Queen of pop Juliett Lewis and her band The Licks certainly took Solus by storm, but it also proved to be a great showcase for her support Fortune Drive. The four-piece from Bristol’s energetic performance made them a tough act to follow as they ripped out some catchy tunes.

Elastica, back to Gang Of Four, Adam Ant and New Order right back to Love, The Beatles and the Rolling Stones. There’s a more complete list on my flyers.” Here’s his pick of the week: 1. The Clash – Train In Vain (Stand

By Me) 2. The Fratellis – Got Ma Nuts From A Hippy 3. Klaxons – Not Over Yet 4. CSS – Lets Make Love and Listen To Death From Above 5. Johnny Cash – Ring Of Fire Not to worry because second on the bill are Truckers of Husk, some members formerly of Jarcrew (Gosh, its confusing with all these old bands). The Truckers, crank up the volume with some Mogwaiesque instrumental pieces which feature some praiseworthy guitar playing as well as some audience participation via bongos, shakers and what not.

Headlining tonight is the grandiose sounding Leave The Capital. Someone call the police because the singers nicked guy from elbow’s vocal chords. Indeed here lies Leave The Capital’s downfall. Their majestic chorus’s and wall of sound techniques are good, but in all honesty it’s all been done before. Mike Bateson-Hill The boys have been touring hard with shows in Cardiff, Portsmouth and Newcastle all in a week and are soon to be hitting the road again supporting Idlewild. Bass player Andy told Quench about the difficulties of getting used to writing new material on tour: “We should spend less time sleeping and dancing with girls we'll never pull”. But if the new single My Girlfriend’s an Arsonist is anything to go by, they’re doing just fine. MR

Check out..

The new video from Pull Tiger Tail for new single Mr 100 percent here: youtube.com/watch?v=vubHL9OxMEs and new awesome band I Was A Cub Scout (see right.)

FORTYFIVE

MUSIC The local quest is back! Delving among the grimey depths of the Cardiff indie scene. So here we present the movers, shakers and all round party animals that make up Shake My Hand. Inbetween putting on their own gigs, crazy drunken antics and insulting dead grandparents they have changed their name from Yossarian and produced this lovely CD! Crazy kids.

SHAKE MY HAND Shake My Hand TBA

Not as good as Take That.

I

t was a drunken Monday night in the side room at Factory and Yossarian were gracing the saleroom with their presence in the footsteps of such greats before them. Maybe it was the liquor talking but it felt like something special.

Since then some things have changed, like their name, but the important things remain the same, like spirit-rattling guitar over guitar and songs named after bears.

Opening with such a banquet of guitar-flavoured treats showcases the true depths of this band. Lyrics worthy of snappier ditties flow through song after song, each time engulfed by the instruments surrounding them. The simplistic nature of the lyrics can appear lacking in imagination at times, but in equal measure can often seem inspired, a paradox clear in Arab Strap-esque track Invisible.

Meandering between the dark melancholic nature of their post-rock moments towards more driven and joyous moments. Songs such as Settled push these deep shades around the trodden palette with an already mucky brush and Koala, as cuddly as its name, intersperses spurts of clean cut clapping with dark vocals to create the kind of warmth with taps into the drunken psyche of many a student. It’s the kind of debut that promises great future things. 7/10 Sofie Jenkinson

FORTYSIX

ALL SAINTS Studio 1

MAGIC NUMBERS Those The Brokes

Parlophone

EMI

S

Still fit

niggering over their failed solo efforts aside, this is an impressive, sassy record, showing that as a band, the All Saints ladies have genuine talent.

Laden with attitude, the album packs a punch of reggae, ska and dancehall styles. It’s Shaznay’s voice that stands out distinctly, but seeing as she pens most of the tracks, this is perhaps only fair.

There are a couple of mediocre love songs, but the best tracks are more upbeat, such as the jilting rant Hell No and Not Eazy, featuring their characteristic harmonies and some quirky background whistling. The catchy Headlock and Too Nasty are perfect anecdotes for all you single girls out there.

From the infectious sultriness of their recent single Rock Steady to the uplifting In It to Win It to the gospel elements in Fundamental, Studio 1 seems more assured and diverse than their first two albums.

Blasé yet soulful, it fully deserves a listen.

8/10 Tasha Prest-Smith

MOISTBOYZ IV Schnitzel

Damp Ripe Young Men

T

he Moistboyz are here and we’ll never retire!” wails Dickie Moist midway through the party anthem (and current single) That’s What Rock and Roll Can Do. Somewhat of a side project from Dean Ween from Ween (or Mickey Moist on this record), Moistboyz fourth outing has established them as a rock act not to be messed with.

From the get-go, a fury of fast and relentless punk battles out of the speakers. But this isn’t your standard punk, as Mickey rips out complex riffs and leads whilst keeping the essence raw. Well, at least until track seven. As Officer Please opens

T

Still hairy

he Magic Numbers look to capitalize on the success of their self-titled debut album with their road-written second offering.

At its best Those The Brokes is a wonderful, mellow blend of warm folk sounds and sublime harmony work, full of the poignant song-craft and light sweetness characteristic of the Magic Numbers’ first outing.

Unfortunately the album is dogged by songs that are frequently too long and repetitive, and the album lacks variety, the thirteen tracks ultimately blurring into one similar sound.

That isn’t to say there aren’t moments of beauty to be found here though.

The shimmering Boy showcases the ample vocal talents of the three singers and features a remarkable string section.

Catchy Take A Chance and heartbreak ballad Take Me Or Leave Me also represent highlights on an album that, even despite these offerings, never quite manages to fulfill its potential.

6/10 Thomas Senior

““

Bottom of your class, but first on the scene. There’s a dude in your car and he’s only 15. Roy! Moistboyz

up, the punk element is dropped and we’re treated to some good old-fashioned blues-rock.

Dickie keeps the energy raging with his twisted lyrics (Bottom of your class, but first on the scene/There’s a dude in your car and he’s only 15/Roy!) The real extent of the band’s musical talent really only emerges during the mellow-but-fucked-up The Stalker. But this doesn’t matter. This record isn’t about musicianship. It’s about balls-to-the-wall rock. And they’re chock full of that, man.

9/10 Mike Richards

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC BEIRUT The Gulag Orkestar 4AD

I

Siberian Musicians

t is a rarity that an album like the Gulag Orkestar comes along, and with it Beirut have crafted an original and powerful debut that hits like someone pounding a cymbol next to your ear.

Written by Zack Condon, 19, the record draws on the ever-flowing source of Eastern European and gypsy music which produces a sound that calls to mind sitting in camp surrounded by wooden caravans, around an open fire, with the ponies neighing in the background and a bearded toothless gypsy grandfather playing the sadness of the situation away with an old beaten up violin.

Then enter the children, tapping away on pots and kettles and makeshift drums to produce the sort of urgent percussion that fits perfectly with the violin background. On top, underpinning it all steps up the torn, heartbroken young son of the gypsy clan, backed by his strapping bachelor brothers and they play brass instruments that sing of the suffering of their people, years of prejudice and isolation.

Finally steps up Mr Condon, a voice of pain and heartbreak and

I

Quench Music go to the m ovies

’m not one to exaggerate (ever), but Quentin Tarantino may well have put together the finest collection of songs ever in the creation of the Pulp Fiction soundtrack.

Many people have tried to emulate his success in using existing popular music in their films, but none have come close to creating such a coherent, flowing soundtrack. Much of this coherence is created by the reverb soaked surf music that acts like score music in the film (the less foregrounded music), that gives Pulp Fiction its

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wisdom and malice and knowing that at times becomes too much to bear, but equally is impossible to ignore.

The title of the album sums it up, this music feels as though it has been produced by Gulag survivors, unable to put into words the things they have seen their only way of expressing their scars is through music, and the result is nothing short of spectacular.

8/10 William Hitchins

YO LA TENGO

I’m Not Afraid Of You And I Will Beat Your Ass Maverick

Y

No Tengo Papel

o La Tengo are a band who, despite growing out of a scene where their peers included Nirvana and Sonic Youth, seem to have been largely overlooked by the move of the 90s Seattle rock scene into a world of fashionable cult status.

Therefore it gets forgotten a little too often that Yo La Tengo really are a great band. Yet, even for such veterans of melodic indie pop, I am not afraid of you and I will beat your ass, is verging into the realm of sublime masterpiece. As an album it’s book ended by two epic tracks, beginning and ending with 10-minute grunge rock songs which set the record off distinctively hypnotic, feeling.

The genius of this soundtrack is that Tarantino takes some fantastic songs and makes them entirely his own. Chuck Berry’s You Never Can Tell in THAT dance scene, the Urge Overkill cover of Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon when Mia overdoses, the painfully brilliant Let’s Stay Together by Al Green in Butch and Marcellus’ meeting, and my personal favourite, Dusty Springfield‘s majestic Son Of A Preacher Man in Vince‘s first meeting with Mia. These songs are all synonymous with the film, it is impossible to imagine any other songs in their place, or listen to them without thinking of the film. For me Tarantino’s soundtrack makes Pulp Fiction the cinematic, visceral experience it is. Pure genius.

Sim Eckstein

to a running start and then bring it to full climax. Then comes song after song of three-minute pop perfection which, particularly on tracks such as Beanbag chair and the beautifully relaxed Sometimes I don’t get you, makes the perfect recipe for an album that is incredibly easy to fall in love with.

Most of all it’s nice to see that even after well over a decade Yo La Tengo can still compete with bands, such as Broken Social Scene and Neutral Milk Hotel.

9/10 Si Truss

“

This music feels as though it has been produced by Gulag survivors Beirut

BABYSHAMBLES The Blinding EP EMI

T

Short Sighted

his the first offering from the ever changing posse surrounding Pete since their debut, Down In Albion and with the exception of 3 charity singles, is a big change from previous ramshackle mumblings.

It seems that Babyshambles’ new carers Parlophone have turned a corner with these five songs, the recording and vocals (not only from Pete but Drew and Mick too) are clear, distinct, and a far cry from the atmospheric album.

The lyrical content still maintains Pete’s little boy lost romantic and drug filled tendencies. However The Blinding , Beg, Steal or Borrow (of Jonathon Ross fame) and specifically Sedative are catchy semi-singalongs, with the chorus of the latter verging on the side of cheesy. I Wish, a Specials influenced number, is a great new direction and even though I Love You (But You’re Green) fails to live up to the version that has been floating about the internet it doesn’t dampen success of the EP. Heat readers may be disappointed but for anyone who is into the music, it’s brilliant.

9/10 Andrew Soar

FORTYSEVEN

MUSIC

ve live live live live live live live live live live live live liv RUMBLE STRIPS/DARTZ! Barfly November 11

PINK CIA November 7

R

H

alloween came early this year. Longhaired ghouls and tattooed fiends emerged from their lairs to stagger to the CIA in a black t-shirted sea of booze. And Quench took to this sea like Johna with scuba gear.

The biggest metal tour on Earth was about to rage in Cardiff. The early slot was filled by Thine Eyes Bleed and Children of Bodom. The former took the musical credibility and the later the revenue in t-shirt sales.

Lamb of God held the middle slot with a savage and frightening intensity. “I wanna see you move this Godddamn room!” And then BOOM. Monsters such as Now You’ve Got Something to Die For tear out of the speakers as lead singer Randy Blythe struts about the stage uncannily like Phil Anselmo.

FORTYEIGHT

G

iving yourself a name that also describes your music shows a lot of consideration for music journalists and reviewers.

Dartz! hit the nail on the head when they started making the sort of spikey and sharp nu-wave practiced so well by their north-east neighbours The Futureheads and Maximo Park. Nothing new then, but they do possess a heavy Fugaziesque edge, which should keep them in check with the rest.

PHOTO: ED SALTER

arely will you experience the particular kind of aural intimidation that I underwent at this gig, standing between a handful of pre-teens and a pair of butch Pink-alikes.

I had heard about Pink’s flamboyant, sexually-charged live performances, certainly, but when she actually strutted out in dominatrix, Nazichic uniform (minus the Swastikas), I was impressed. And that was just the start of a larger-than-life, charismatic show, with Pink somehow managing to retain an air of spontaneity throughout her heavily choreographed routine.

One minute she was swinging on ribbons a good 10 meters above the crowd; the next, straddling a motorbike for a ticker-tape finale. I was completely taken aback, and – yes – I fancied her a little bit. She is a fit.

This was a dazzling, carnivalesque performance from the Peaches-for-the-masses, coupled with a dizzying back-catalogue, and carried off with the kind of vocal sincerity that only Pink can command to pop-music. Ben Bryant

The Rumble Strips, on the other hand, should really have gone with a name like Ballsy Brassbound Boys, only without sounding so much like a dodgy Ordinary Boys porn film.

Keyboards, trumpets and saxophones are thrown into the mix to create a soulful and rousing set.

Comparisons to Dexys Midnight Runners are perhaps unavoidable, but with such bittersweet love-songs and good-time knees-up numbers it really doesn’t matter. Not forgetting singer Charles Waller, disarmingly intense on stage and an indie poster boy in the making. The gig should have been twice as full, but for the few who were there The Rumble Strips were something truly special. What’s in a name, eh? Tom Brookes

“

The lead singer performs some sort of hypnotic ritual Circulus CIRCULUS Clwb Ifor Bac h November 2

THE UNHOLY ALLIANCE CIA October 30 Next up was the putrid sound of In Flames, whose pussy metal couldn’t even be salvaged by a Knightrider intro and a fistful of cheap speed. The sight of a couple of people waltzing to the misery tore the ugly grimace off my face for a moment.

Once the sea of shit parted, the resident kings, Slayer, powerstanced over their throne to deliver their torrent of classic metal to a background of quasi-political images that reeked of social ignorance. But anyway, we weren’t here for a lesson in politics. The Rock was delivered in a way only Slayer can. Old, but not out of it. Reuman Frijj

S

eeing Circulus tonight was the most fun I’ve had since I saw my lecturer trying to open the door to the lecture theatre using only his penis. What I mean by this is that it was disturbing yet at the same time thoroughly intriguing.

After having sat through a dreadful Jack Black look-alike fronting a prog-rock support band that made me start to hate music completely, I wasn’t sure what to expect from a band that combined medieval riffs with 70s folk songs. What I was presented with was two middle-aged men performing bizarrely charming tunes about pixies and women made out of light with lutes, flutes and bongos. After being informed that three of the five band members were sadly absent I counted my blessings because at that point I witnessed the lead singer perform some sort of hypnotic ritual involving two huge swords and a rather serious facial expression. Thank God for hippies. Michael Bateson-Hill

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC

e live live live live live live live live live live live live liv MU SE CIA October 26

A

PHOTO: ADAM GASSON

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

n hour before doors open and the CIA is surrounded by devoted Muse fans. These people aren’t feeling the cold though, for the months of waiting have ended and a night of prog-rock extravagance lies ahead.

When the band finally strides out onto a stage that looks directly lifted from Star Trek, there is a feeling amongst the audience that they can do no wrong. Opening with forthcoming single Knights of Cydonia only seems to confirm this notion, as the

track’s epic proportions are only fully realised live. What is most striking is that the performance never really loses momentum. Bellamy demonstrates a virtuosic command of his instrument throughout, but never strays from the point as the band runs through crowd pleasers Plug in Baby and Stockholm Syndrome. It’s a set list where every song is a live favourite and this is a testament to the consistency of their back catalogue.

Despite set-closer Take a Bow creating somewhat of an anti-climax, Muse produces a compelling, imaginative and altogether epic performance. Tonight they have well and truly staked their claim to be considered one of Britain’s greatest live bands. Kyle Ellison

LILY ALLEN Bristol Academy

November 1

T

he evening began in style with the New Young Pony Club (NYPC), a tuneful new London band with an electro-samba/funk sound and soulful vocals from a small lady dressed in black.

Pleasant. They walk away happy people.

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The main spectacle received a rapturous applause on entry, after her band of merry men get warmed up. Everyone loves a Londoner, and oozing charisma in her sparkly wedding dress, she summons a fag to ease her craving, I know its bad for you and that, but she looked cool.

They throw themselves into the first song, about her homeland – LDN. Every member pulls their weight to produce a noise a cat would purr to. The urban reggae-ska roots and her truly down-to-earth

GOGOLBORDELLO/BEDOUIIN SOUNDCLASH Birmingham Academy

November 2

W

ho here likes oral sex?” exclaims Danko Jones to the nonplussed crowd as he begins to mime felatio on stage at the Birmingham academy and then cracks out an utterly dull power metal riff, “with oral sex” he continues “it’s all about giving”.

Safe to say this has added nothing to my evening. Blander than a chicken korma and not half as enjoyable, Bedoin Soundlash take to the stage first and serve up their usual platter of non-offensive reggae and get a predictably manic response from the young girls and hoi polloi of the crowd. It’s difficult to hate this band but compared to the hurricane that arrives on stage after them its as uneventful as a swell of the coast of Barry Island compared to Thailand December 26 2004.

When Mr Hutz and co take to the stage the crowd begin acting as if in a drug fuelled frenzy. Screaming out Russian lyrics they can surely not understand, and instantly begin hero worshipping the moustached Eugene Hutz, and wishing they were Ukranian impoverished street urchins Drum sticks are splintered, violin bows are cracked on knees, accordions are swung wildly around necks and brightly attired young women are thrown into the crowd. The Underdog world strike has well and truly begun.

Will Hitchins

lyrics set her apart from the crowd.

Who else could get away with: “oh my gosh you must be joking me, if you think that you’ll be poking me”?

Brilliant.

The whole set is a class act, with tunes from her album Alright Still, such as summery Smile, and Knock ‘em out. Reggae-ing up songs by Keane and the Kooks, making them less boring and finishing on the popular ditty about her naughty little brother with a weed habit Alfie.

Ben Lepley

FORTYNINE

MUSIC

ngles singles singles singles singles singles singl PEACHES Boys Wanna be Her

soon begin to (out)shine. 8/10 SJ

XL Records

Peaches returns with this single from her third album 'Im Peach my Bush'. It is more akin to ballsy stadium rock than her usual minimalist sound. An interesting move.

7/10 TW

CAPDOWN Keeping Up Appearances Capdown’s first offering for three years would always be an apprehensive affair. A Lost Prophet-esque opening riff mercifully leads into their social commentary fed ska roots. Capdown as we know them but with a noticeable lack of saxophone.

7/10 AG

TINY DANCERS

Lions, And Tigers And Lions

Parlophone A fantastic debut from these enthusiastic old-school style folksters.

Sunny and bright, their unique brand of northern tetris pop inspires ridiculous thoughts a la fires on the beach. With a Dylan support slot soon these young upstarts could

28 The FUN way to fill your fortnight...

1FRIDAY The Jan Watkins Band at Barfly [pyschedelic blues and Indie. Worth the trip]

5

TUESDAY

Planet Rock at Clwb Ifor Bach [Original name.

Original music]

FIFTY

Fiction

The Maccabees use their indie gusto to create a track that makes you want to dance and weep for the love you’ve lost, all at the same time. A haunting indie classic in the making.

8/10 MB

PAOLO NUTINI

Fierce Panda

Baked & bladdered

THE MACCABEES First Love

Rewind Atlantic Records

Unfortunately, Paolo’s new tune is pretty forgettable. Having said that, his distinctive voice, honest lyrics and the ambient, melodious accompaniment give this record a certain charm. It’s also great for those small moments of nostalgic self-pity.

6/10 TPS

DJ SHADOW This Time (I’m gonna Try it My Way) Islands Records

Well, it would appear he’s actually already doing it his way. This Time is completely different from the recent offerings we’ve had. Think less Hip Hop and more let-me-serenade-you soul. If you didn’t like him before, you might now. 7/10 GC

TUESDAY

Paolo Nunti at The Great Hall [It’s sold out, so if you’ve not got a ticket this square isn’t for you]

2

SATURDAY

29

MR HUDSON & THE LIBRARY The Bread and Roses EP Deal Real Records

Whether Mr Hudson’s hip hop, reggae, jazz experimentations entertain your earlobes or not one has to give him credit for finding his own distinctive style. If you follow his directions to “give blood and make love” this EP could be the thing to settle the inevitable light-head that will result.

8/10 BJ

TO MY BOY The Grid

XL Recordings

They describe themselves as ‘futurist pop’, and I can see why. Think retro, think fast beats and think computers... There, you have To My Boy. If you like all things electro, you’ll like this. 9/10 GC

THE DIVINE COMEDY A Lady of a Certain Age Parlophone Records

Acidic cynicism is once again the order of the day but with glistening Gypsy Kings styled backings. A lament on the withering effects of age on women, a bit scary actually but still in his prime, deceptively refined. 8/10 EK

WEDNESDAY

Monkwise at Cafe Jazz [funky piano trio. Not obsessive compulsives like wise Monk the detective ]

3

SUNDAY

30

THURSDAY

RAID at Solus [People and planet put on a night of music and banter including the Mighty FUOD]

4

MONDAY

Clwb Cariad at Clw b Ifor Bach [more genre s than you shake your dic k at]

The Datsuns at Barfly [ I forgot about these fellas. They used to rock... maybe even still?]

Dragon Force at The Great Hall [Bring along your local Dungeon Master for this one. If you roll a five or a three]

6

7

8

WEDNESDAY

Yeti at Barfly [The not-quite-so-degenerate lad from the Libertines]

THURSDAY

It’s that day of the mo again. I wanna see nth y’a party like it’s ninete ll eneighty-motherfuckin g-four.

FRIDAY

BBC Electric Proms present The Spencer McGarry Season / Friends of the Bride at Clwb Ifor Bach

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC MUSICAL METROPOLIS

NEW YORK

B

ehind it’s glossy postcard exterior New York City is a rough and gritty old place.

While often stealing the attention are it’s huge media corporations and financial districts, the city is also home of rebellion and the arts, which combine to form one of the worlds greatest music scenes.

Today New York has been held responsible for the rebirth of Indie and Garage Rock, in the 1970’s it was the epicenter for Punk and Hip Hop through the 1980’s. In fact, before being joined by it’s west coast rivals, New York City was just about the only city producing consistently strong rap music.

What makes the city so important is it’s constant strive for innovationproducing some of the most important artists of the century. New York City is always the trendsetter and never following behind.

BLONDIE

Behind the music...

Led by the now iconic figure of Deborah Harry, Blondie pioneered a sound combining early elements of both Punk Rock and New Wave.

Although their mass success in

Europe was never matched in their home city, their defining album Parallel Lines remains one of New York’s classic releases.

THE RAMONES

If there is one American band which has become synonymous with Punk Rock, then it is surely the Ramones.

After their formation in 1974, the band turned popular music upside down, with their basic musicianship and song structures offering an alternative to classic rock and over-indulgent guitar solos. Thank God.

BEASTIE BOYS

After spending 20 years as one of the most innovative yet consistent Hip Hop acts, it’s safe to say that the Beastie Boys have little yet to prove. Whilst their style ranges from straightforward Hip Hop to Rock or Funk influences, what remains con-

er N o e l G a rd e n WHAT DO YOU DO? Put gigs, occasional club nights and roughly bi-monthly pop quizzes on in Cardiff and sometimes Newport. The music we promote tends towards the leftfield, noisy and sometimes experimental, but there's no hard and fast rules.

WHY DO YOU DO IT? A couple of years or so ago, there was a definite lack of the sort of bands we wanted to see in this area. We realised the best way of correcting this was to put

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

sistent are the solid beats and lyrical flow.

THE STROKES

Spearheading the Garage Rock revival in 2001, The Strokes paved the way for the thriving British Indie scene. Combining basic chord structures with infectious pop melodies, the band are a modern day answer to fellow New Yorkers, The Velvet Underground.

VENUE: CBGB

The recent closure of the CBGB’s marks the end of an era in New York City. Although originally intending to cater for Country and Blue Grass, it soon became a second home to some of the finest punk-influenced bands in the land. Notable regulars at the club included The Stooges, Talking Heads and Sonic Youth.

Kyle Ellison

them on ourselves, so from June 2004 that's what we've done.

It's fairly time-consuming, but by no means a full-time concern, or a financially profitable one, and it's safe to assume it never will be. Seeing people enjoying bands who wouldn't have played in Cardiff if it wasn't for you booking them is worth it though.

WHAT’S COMING UP THAT I SHOULD SEE? Thurs Jan 25 - Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff - Blood Brothers (crazy post-hardcore legends from Seattle) / White Circle Crime Club (electro/post-punk from Belgium)/ two more TBC. There'll be a ton of other good stuff in 2007 too.

HOW DID YOU GET STARTED? I helped out with someone else's gig in April 2004 (a US band called Keelhaul) and, in June that year put on an NYC band called TheUSAisamonster in Newport. It was kickass and we got the bug, and things took their course from there. Currently Lesson No.1 is myself and Adam Anonymous; we've done just under 50 gigs/club nights/pop quizzes at the time of writing.

WHAT’S THE BEST GIG YOU’VE PUT ON? I'd go for Lightning Bolt at the Point in May this year - turnout was awesome, the venue worked really well, the bands rocked it and people danced like bastards.

WHAT’S YOUR CURRENT OR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE RECORD? Current: V/A The Roots Of Dubstep All-time: Shellac, At Action Park

FIFTYONE

MUSIC

Natural born thriller

J

uliette Lewis used to be a movie star. Now she’s a full blown rock goddess touring ‘meat and potatoes rock ‘n’ roll’ and having a bloody good time too. “Playing live is the most important thing. My first goal when we put the band together was our live show because you can’t really argue with a good fun live show. And because I mean it - I mean what I’m doing we have to tour our ass off.”

Whether or not an actor-turnedmusician ‘means it’ is common criticism when any movie star ventures into the world of music. For her though, it was never a problem, “I always knew people were going to pay attention to me so I was just going to be loud and proud and front and centre.” Indeed, at live shows she struts and thrusts around the stage licking her lips and shaking her hips like a possessed and more attractive version of Mick Jagger or Iggy Pop. “I’m really attracted to performers. I like Blondie and Grace Jones, not necessarily musically but what she is as a performance artist.

I like Karen O a lot.”

Juliette and the Licks have a tour schedule fuller than a medic student’s timetable. What’s the rush? “I should’ve started this at 25 and I started it at 30. I have this thing where I’m making up for lost time so as long as I’m young enough and healthy enough and I have no kids or other commitments I want to give everything. I wouldn’t be satisfied unless I gave everything to this.”

She’s also adamant to get her

FIFTYTWO

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

The immense Juliette Lewis takes some time out of her hectic life to swap notes with Quench’s very own intrepid explorer Matthew Hitt voice heard rather than having to continually speak through movie scripts. “Movies are a film-maker’s medium. I’m not a film maker; I was just an actor helping to tell a story. I know I’m good at that but it doesn’t complete me as a creative person.”

Throughout the interview Juliette seems determined to get the point across that it’s her voice and that she’s not a product of anything other than her own creativity. “I would never let anyone write for me because I’m really precious about not only what I speak but the way I speak things.”

Many of her songs are sexually riddled with tales of ex-boyfriends who

“

There’s nothing like a sweet little revenge song Juliette Lewis

are probably quaking in their boots at the prospect of being the subject of her lyrics. “There’s nothing like a sweet little revenge song. I haven’t had many relationships so if I write a song about them they should take it as a compliment.”

Movie fans are probably wondering if she’ll ever return to the silver screen. “I’ll do maybe one movie here and there. Movies have a very small commitment time so as long as they don’t interrupt any tour plans I’m open to doing a movie. But music requires much more of myself - I come up with everything - there’s

no one else making these decisions.”

At which point she leaves us; geuine, feisty and advising we ‘fight the good fight’. JulietteLewis means it and she means it loud.

JULIET LEWIS & THE LICKS Solus November 14

J

uliette Lewis must have stolen some poor man’s testicles because this is the ballsiest performance I’ve seen in ages.

Strutting onto the stage with an Indian chief headdress and the PVC trousers in rock, Lewis and her Licks belt out their meat and potatoes rock and roll to a Come Play-sized crowd at Solus.

The fact that lewis is predominantly known as a movie star doesn’t tarnish tonight’s performance at all - the singer bounds about like a female Iggy Pop while her band continue to pound out the kind of music that would go down very well at a frat party.

Although there are some cringeworthy Spinal Tap moments, a la synchronised guitar jumps and and introduction of each band member just before the last song, Juliette Lewis and the Licks posses enough credibility to keep rocking a while longer. Matthew Hitt

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

BOOKS Books is a bit of a varied bag this week. Mike Richards explores the exciting, if hazy world of Ralph Steadman, Caleb Woodbridge is slightly disappointed with A Teaspoon and an Open Mind and Rozii Eastoe gives her opinion on a great adaptation: From Emma to Clueless.

The Joke’s Over:Memories of Hunter S. Thompson Ralph Steadman Random House

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ear Ralph, you sleazy shit-eating whore!” This strange and depraved story of two friends and colleagues, one an innovative Welsh artist and the other a frantic and politically charged American dope-fiend, begins in 1970.

“

“They told me you were weird, but not that weird.”

Two very different characters with similar tendencies for mayhem, are thrown together to cover the famous Kentucky Derby horse race. Hunter S

A Teaspoon and Open Mind Michael White

M

Penguin

ust be a spatial-temporal hyperlink.” “What’s that?”

“No idea, I just made it up.

Didn’t want to say ‘magic door’” So said Doctor Who about a fireplace on a spaceship in the 51st century that acted as a gateway to 18th century France! But despite the frequent apparent magic of the Whoniverse, the Doctor insists that “to the rational mind, nothing is inexplicable, only unexplained.” It’s not surprising then that Michael White should enlist the help of the mysterious Time Lord in his appreciation of science, A Teaspoon and an Open Mind.

The book promises to explore

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Thompson to provides the prose and Ralph Steadman the art.

This booze-twisted tale is the beginning of a journalistic team that eventually gave rise to Thompson’s infamous Gonzo style.

This book documents the pair’s strange encounters and often-volatile relationship. Thompson, on their first meeting, describes Steadman as a matted-haired geek with string warts.

“They told me you were weird, but not that weird.”

It’s true that any story following the bizarre antics of Thompson will be full of twists and craziness, but to read the tales that were previously immortalised by the man himself, from a source so close to him makes for some interesting comparisons. Others have tried, but few knew Thomson, on both a personal and business level, as well as Steadman. The passionate mix of bitterness and pride that Steadman reminisces about tells more of the story of their relationship than the events themselves. But it’s the undeniably Thomson-esque style that

screams the respect they had for each other.

The fantastic selection of artwork and letters gives another superb depth to the book. “Don’t write, Ralph. You’ll bring shame on your family” Hunter once said. The crazy bastard wasn’t wrong often, but hindsight is a privilege some aren’t blessed with. 8/10 Mike Richards

STEADMAN: As crazy as a loon

success. “intergalactic conundrums from the White also gives a welcome world of Doctor Who”, ranging from reminder of the place of the imaginatime travel to cybernetics. The book tion in science. Stephen Hawkins does indeed explore various scientifwas attracted to science through sciic ideas and possibilities in an ence fiction, and Einstein developed engaging and accessible way. many of his ideas through imaginaBut while the science is fascinattive thought-experiments. ing in its own right, any Doctor Who fans are likely to be disappointed. A token attempt is made to connect the scientific concepts under discussion to Doctor Who at the beginning of each chapContrary to the modern ter, but for myth of the scientist as some the most clinically dispassionate figure part barely merely reporting dry facts, scirefers to it, ence is driven by our sense of despite a wonder and adventure. wealth of posAs White observes at the sible examDR WHO: Pretty much unrelated end of his book, it is through ples and our stories, such as the adventures illustrations. This of Doctor Who, that we find the inspigives the unfortunate impresration to turn science fiction into scision of a rather underhanded ence fact. 8/10 Caleb Woodbridge attempt to cash in on the show’s

“

Doctor Who fans are likely to be disappointed

BOOKS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

BOOKS

Books to film

Bitchy princesses - Emma and Cher

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n her Hartfield estate in rural England, we encounter Emma "handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition"; two centuries later, in a Beverly Hills mansion, we are introduced to Cher - whom this description equally applies to.

We are immersed in their highsociety low-intellect worlds - fancydress parties/parties in the Valley, carriages/convertibles – as our protagonists fumble their way through the narrative, meddling in other people’s lives and the repercussions meddling with theirs, until they eventually reach an epiphany: they should just leave the whole meddling-thing alone.

One fault that modernized versions are often guilty of is bad character adaptation. It’s too easy to focus on the plot and hope that by giving comparative characters and similar names we’ll recognize their roles. Clueless, however, grasps the issues at the core of each character and considers how they best emerge in contemporary culture. Harriet, the lowly girl of uncertain parentage that Emma adopts as her protégée, becomes Tai, the “tragically unhip” new girl at school, whom Cher attempts to transform into, well, another Cher.

The correspondent of farmer Robert Martin – whom Emma dismisses as “course and unpolished” -

BOOKS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

is skateboarding stoner Travi.

The most impressive transformation is that of Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax. Originally, Frank feigns interest in Emma as an excuse to get closer to the secretly desired but socially inferior Jane. In Clueless, the characters of Frank and Jane are embodied by one person – the chic Christian. As flagrantly flirtatious as Frank, he too turns down our heroine; it emerges that Christian is in fact “an Oscar Wilde reading, Streissand ticket holding friend of Dorothy”– less euphemistically, he’s gay.

While giving the tale a more modern twist and accounting for Christian’s disinterest in Cher, the film’s plotline is also congruous in consideration of characters from the novel: both Jane–through her illicit affair–and Christian–through his sexuality–are placed in a socially stigmatized group. Consequently, Christian replays Frank’s attempts to conceal the truth, for fear of the judgments society might make. High-school hierarchy is just as bad as the strict social structure of 1800s.

In typical Rom-Com stylee, it takes our heroines until the end of their stories to realize that their One True Loves were there the whole time.

Emma falls for educated family friend and brother-in-law Mr. Knightley; Cher finds she has feelings for her Nietzsche-reading ‘ex-

step brother’ Josh… and I know what you’re thinking, this does sound kinda wrong. It’s not quite incest in either case, but the age discrepancy is slightly disturbing. OK, so Paul’s only in college and Cher is now sixteen, but when Knightley proclaims to Emma that he had “been in love with you since you were thirteen”, we are entitled to worry a little...

(Still, in the end, everything is happy and shiny. And that’s the way it should be.)

“

The film’s plotline in congruous in consideration of characters from the novel There are photos, not portraits, and cars, not carriages, but the ideology is identical. I love the way that Clueless’ teen queens are preoccupied with such banal trite, such stereotypical ‘blonde’ stuff; yet these conversations are replications of those in Emma – yes, it’s Classic Literature, but (sorry, Austenites) it’s still unashamedly just “who-fancieswho-lol-omgzzz”… and it’s nice to argue that all that time I spent bitching in secondary school was in fact an elaborate reference to an intricate 19th century novel.

Roseanna Eastoe

FIFTYFIVE

DIGITAL

Tantalising Top three: Naughty Christmas gifts

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ou need to start your Christmas shopping early if you want to give your partner that ‘perfect’ gift. Here’s a few bargain buys for inspiration.

Rubber Bondage Hood. £35.99 http://www.gaynors-goodies.co.uk ok, this one scares us, but there are some very strange students out there.

Warning: If you’re goning to get this for your girlfriend, make sure she doesn’t open it in front of her Grandma. With its lovely rubber shine and ‘zip-up black hood’ how better to show the one you love how you really feel. P.S. does have nose holes J Ho fantasy doll. £19.75 www.twisted-miss.co.uk If you’re bored of your man’s sly digs about your body, shut him up with this perfect present. Introducing ‘J Ho’.

Nah mate final fantasy 7 was well better than 8. I personally beat all three weapons in one sitting I don’t care

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With ‘Booty from the Block’, he can “enjoy every inch of this beautiful Bronx bombshell”. Also great for when you just aren’t in the mood.

For those of you with a bit of extra mullah, there’s also the lovable ‘fatty patty’ for £28.75, and with ‘three colossal love-holes’ – you can’t go wrong. ‘Twisted-miss’ have an array of inflatable dolls to suit every fantasy, so what are you waiting for?

Fishnet Torso Jumper. £20.63 http://www.sextoys.co.uk As per usual we’ve left our personal favourite till last. Who could resist this?

Apart from the hunk of a man underneath it. Finally the string vest is coming back into fashion… Although we wouldn’t advise wearing this to the Taf. “Tight fitting and sexy, now you can show your Pecs, delts and abs, as well as that all important lunchbox!” Most importantly, this is easy to rip off for those moments when your girlfriend just can’t say no. Just a piece of advice, post Christmas diet is essential. Lucy Reader and Jaqui Polley

And bred the best chocobo You’re gonna die alone ...

Because you’re ugly www.thesuperficial.com The first statement that hit me when I opened the page was: ‘Lindsay Lohan admits to not being sober’ – SHOCK HORROR. My world was truly shaken; back on the cherryade Linds, please.

K-Fed’s poignant post-break-up poem left on the toilet door of his dressing room was also truly inspirational: ‘Today I'm a free man. Ladies look out. Fuck a wife, give me my kids Bitch!’ I feel for the dude I really do. And where else but on thesuperficial.com would you find an article entitled: ‘Lindsey Lohan says mean things about Paris Hilton’?! (apparently she called her a cunt) – she’s only saying what we all think.

Thesuperficial.com is exactly what you’d expect; a website dedicated to the most superficial things in life – Celebrities – and I praise God for it. It’s the cybergeek’s alternative to Heat magazine – who could desire more?

This site provides all the latest news and gossip from the world of ‘celebrities’, and is updated daily. But don’t worry, because there’s also the archive to pillage.

Most comic article I discovered was entitled: ‘Scarlet Johansson named prettiest ugly person’, apparently Kate Winslet came in second. Nice one Kate for representing the UK. Lucy Reader

So there I am with my dark Materia equipped staring Sephiroth right in the eye

I hate you

DIGITAL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

DIGITAL In Review: FIFA 2007 All Formats

E

A Sports have definitely upped their game with this latest offering in the FIFA series.

Contrary to previous attempts they have wisely stuck with the good stuff and got rid of most of the frustrating traits of FIFA 06. To start with the menu’s are quicker and easier to use, although still grounded with the same basic format. Likewise the lounge format and interactive options are satisfyingly improved, rather than over-enthusiastically reborn only to have disappointed yet again.

The important stuff, the game-play, is where we should really concentrate, and that’s exactly what EA have done. Again it’s an evolution, rather than a reinvention of last year, only this time they actually seem to have based it on that game with a ball and a pitch and 11 players that we all want to be a part of – which is helpful.

The ball is no longer magnetically

Future Classics Donkey Konga Gamecube Mum: “Tom, what’s that slapping noise?”

Tom: “Leave me alone Mum, I’m spanking the monkey.”

T

he above conversation is based on actual events, and if you’ve ever played Donkey Konga then you’ve probably found yourself in a similar situation.

The game relies heavily on the gimmick provided by the conga drums which are supplied with it, but unlike other similar ventures (SNES Scope anyone?), it works very well indeed. The main premise is similar to that of the legendary Parappa the Rapper, with the focus being on coordinating yourself enough to drum along in time to the music flowing across the screen – previous percussion experience is advantageous but

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

attracted to the players feet and you can actually run to a pass (sometimes), rather than stand stupidly while the opposition run fluidly around intercepting the uninventive passes. Similarly they’ve realised that players can jostle for a ball in the air rather than stand still and hope someone gets it. There is less restriction on corners and free-kicks and you can now call a second player to you in most dead ball situations.

The manager mode has advanced comfortably too; player growth, fan’s favourites and tactics in visual sim mode have all been added. Here too we’re closer to real life, players develop individually rather than based on their set points system and position. An agreeable new touch is that you can create your very own team to lead to glory in manager mode, although I think its fair to say that many of us want to see our supported club kick dirt in the face of Chelsea as CASE IN POINT; you can’t polish a turd have we smirk down on them from claimed worthy of challenging Pro the top of the table, but its always Evo. A harder but more realistic and nice to have the choice. rewarding game of fingertip footie.

Altogether a definite improvement Lauren Constable on previous offerings, which many far from necessary. It really is hilarious to watch the concentration on an amateur’s face as they try to provide a credible rhythm section to Louie Louie. They never realize that they look like either Mr Tickle on Ketamine or a lobotomized Animal from The Muppets.

There’s a good selection of music, although those hoping for Jehst, Company Flow or Del Tha Funkee Homosapien are going to be sorely disappointed. Artists include The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Supergrass, The Jackson 5, er, Chumbawumba, and inexplicably (unless the budget ran out) some theme tunes from previous Nintendo games. Word of warning then – Donkey Konga serves to confirm my suspicion that the theme from Super Smash Brothers Melee is the most cuntish piece of music ever written.

Ever.

The original Donkey Kong game came out around the same time that “quoits” and that hoop that you push with a stick were introduced to British kids and peasants, and is now a bonafide classic. Since then

there have been numerous other Kong-themed releases, such as Diddy Kong Racing, and the majority of these have been good. As with Diddy Kong, the game’s forté is the multiplayer versus mode, which magically transforms previously uncompetitive bezzie mates into some Rocky Balboa versus Ivan Drago type shit. I would go so far as to say that this aspect of the game alone will push it forward into classic status, so remember that when you’re bidding 300 quid for it on Ebay, in 10 years time. Tom Birts

FIFTYSEVEN

GOING OUT

Treasures of the

Going Out investigates the hidden gems at the bottom of St. Mary’s street

The Old Brewery Quarter

Chiquitos Situated within the heart of the Brewery Quarter you will find the Mexican treasure that is Chiquitos.

An ambient environment with unique Mexican interiors, lively Mexican music, the restaurant caters for both the larger party and the private dinner date with ease. The menu provides for every dietary preference, including sizzling vegetable fajitas, swordfish steaks, Acapulco chicken, and the famous Chiquito Burrito. You will also find an extensive cocktail and wine list that can be enjoyed both during and after your meal in the comfort of the bar. Expect prices of around £20 for a gut-expanding three course meal. Lucy Beaven

Coal Grill and Bar

Muldoons

Muldoons

Whether you’re looking to sip coffee with a conscience or enjoy a devilish dessert, Muldoons can offer you a friendly and relaxing environment that is aimed at providing honest food. Situated within the Brewery Quarter, it stretches over two floors with the option to sit outside providing the perfect place to soak in the atmosphere of the surroundings. The menu aims to excite the palate,

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ranging from the classic cappuccino, to soothing herbal teas and European lagers and wine. For those looking for a fruit boost, the extensive smoothie bar is recommended, with names such as Acai Dream and Melon Elixir, who could resist. Lucy Beaven

Coal Grill and Bar Replacing Ma Potters in the Old Brewery Quarter, Coal Grill and Bar is a bit livelier and is aiming to attract students with its tapas-style grazing menu and streamlined main dish selection. Its interior is amazing, with comfy leather sofas and tea lights brightening the walls. Its location in the Brewery Quarter makes it a strong addition to the vibrant Cardiff bar scene. The service is slightly slow and it may be worth booking if you don’t want to sit outside and freeze to death. The Chargrilled Haloumi cheese is definitely one to recommend- beautifully presented with a good dollop of seasoned mash; it doesn’t break the bank and was delicious. And if you don’t fancy drinking one of the many cocktails Coal has to offer then the Midnight mint hot chocolate is great to warm you up before the walk home. Rachel Clare

GOINGOUT@GAIRRHYDD.COM

CULT CLASSICS

Lenny Bruce

Richard Pryor

Bill Hicks

Three Kings Tom Brookes looks back at the innovators of controversial comedy

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n the beginning was the word… and that word was fuck. It may no longer shock us but in the 1950s and 60s it was different. Not that this ever worried Lenny Bruce.

Intelligent yet provocative, Bruce thrived on taboo’s - sex, racism and the Holocaust being particular favourites. But many were appalled by his routines. He’d be pulled off stage by police and threatened with prison if he continued to speak ‘obscenely’.

But Bruce refused to accept there were words that shouldn’t be spoken. As a result he’d readily repeat his courtroom exploits on stage and his obscene routines in court. He broke down the walls of censorship for comedians. Unfortunately, constant arrests and increasing drug use took its toll and he died, aged only 40.

If Bruce pushed back the boundaries of comedy then Richard Pryor was about to give those boundaries a serious ass kicking. In the 1970s

CLASSICS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

there were few African American comedians, let alone any that could sell their act to white America.

Pryor was different and his frank honesty was one reason for his popularity. How many comedians would joke about police beatings, their own drug problems or growing up in a brothel? His goal was simple, when you face adversity all you can do is laugh. He was an influence to many and a true original.

Picking up from the likes of Bruce and Pryor was Bill Hicks. Hicks was selling out comedy clubs as a teenager and even then was questioning everything and everyone.

Why are there major contradictions in the Christian faith? Why don’t you hear positive drug stories? Who was buying Vanilla Ice records?

Contrary to popular belief Hicks was a Christian, just a very angry one. Speaking with the passion of a preacher, his routine was his sermon and his audience were his congregation. Hicks burnt out far too

early (caused by his other passioncigarettes) but his comedy is still relevant today.

“

He’d be pulled off stage by police and threatened with prison if he continued to speak ‘obscenely’ Whether it’s the power of the media, the music industry or the Bush family’s forays into Iraq, he was ahead of his time.

While there is tragedy in all these cases it’s better to remember these three wise men for what they bought to the world rather than what we miss today. If their lives continue to inspire people to stand up and make themselves heard then their work won’t have been in vain. Hallelujah!

FIFTYNINE

BLIND DATE This week, Little Miss Blind Date has been wondering: If someone stays in your bed, can you really only just be friends?

■

Little Miss Blind Date Little Miss Blind Date attempts to solve that age-old problem: Does age matter?

W

■ When does a casual sex friend become moe than casual and more than just a friend?

■ Why do metrosexual men attract so many women? Is it the mutual appreciation for the miracle invention of the GHD? ■ Is age nothing but a number?

When is it time to cringe? Think Aaliyah and R. Kelly/ Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake (below).

hile watching Rachel Kinski in Neighbours, Little Miss Blind Date noticed that the boundaries of age are becoming more and more blurred.

Rachel is having a spigging awesome time with Stingray, but it seems to be all but forgotten that she is meant to be about 14.

This seemed to reflect my housemates’ horror earlier in the week when she came into my room with something that she ‘absolutely Spigging awesome... had to tell me.’ She proceeded to describe in detail her crush on a Fresher that she had met.

Her main concern was not whether he liked her back or not, or if she had his number. It was that if things went well, she faced the prospect of going back to a Talybont room and possibly four walls of Che Guevara posters. Two years after leaving halls, this seemed a shocking idea.

She could not face the idea of dating an 18-year-old at the grand old age of 21. Yet there is the eternal question of why does it not matter the other way round, a younger girl ...or just plain wrong? and older guy is completely accepted and fairly common.

Age should not matter. But it does. This shows how much other people’s opinions matter to us as we would not want to tell our friends about dating a younger guy in case they thought we uncapaple of getting someone our own age to date.

Yet even for a one night stand, younger does matter. In the sexy setting of Come Play last Saturday, my friend put on her beer goggles and snogged the face off a guy for the

best part of the night.

It was when he asked if we were ‘going back to Talybont’ that he suddenly seemed to have an infectious disease and we scarpered. It was worth it for the look on his face as he realised he was going to have to resort to some pissed self-loving that night.

As for my friend, she had had a lucky escape (if only from the discarded shopping trolleys and miffed looking wardens), but the fact remains that although age does matter, it is still only a contributing factor.

By the way, my friend went on a date with the 18 year old and he was charming but turns out he lives in Northern Ireland so she is forgetting him because of the distance.

Turns out that age is not the only thing that matters.

SIXTY

BLINDDATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

“

Her main concern was the prospect of going back to a Talybont room

FACT: According to recent statistics, 78% of people do not believe that their partner is completely truthful on a first date. The other 22% were too drunk to notice...

THE FINAL WHISTLE

From ashes to ashes?

Dave Menon on England’s chances in the cricket

F

ourteen months is a long time to wait. In that time, you could get a promotion at work or meet the love of your life. Your football team might get promoted or relegated, while your favourite band could split up. Who knows?

But guess what I’ve been waiting for? Here’s a clue - it’s all about retaining our national pride. Give up?

The Ashes are back and England have the chance to consolidate their superiority over the Aussies.

Hopefully, while you are reading this, England will be cruising in the long-awaited first test at the Gabba, Brisbane. And hopefully, England will be on their way to securing their first Ashes victory on Australian soil since 1987.

But hopefully, what I’m about to say will not come true. Although I am no pessimist, I think the odds are heavily stacked against England

repeating their success of 2005.

Firstly, the absence of skipper Michael Vaughan is bound to have an effect on England’s morale.

Although Andrew Flintoff is a worldclass player, I’m not convinced he’ll be a brilliant captain.

England were hugely successful in 2005, because skipper Vaughan had plenty of time to set fields and motivate his players during every ball.

While attempting to bat and bowl, I think Flintoff’s cricket brain will be distracted.

Secondly, England might struggle because their squad is simply not strong enough. We’ll have to cope without the reverse-swing option of Simon Jones and experienced opener Marcus Trescothick. And you’ve also got to bear in mind that bowler Steve Harmison is still recovering from injury.

Finally, the Aussies have more of an incentive to win this time. In the build-up to the 2005 series, Australia had nothing to prove because they had beaten England

“

I think Flintoff’s cricket brain will be distracted

HAPPY NOW: But will he be soon?

SPORT@GAIRRHYDD.COM

resoundingly so many times.

After losing the last series, the Aussies will be determined to put the record straight. There is undoubtedly more pressure on Australia this

time, because another loss will make it appear that England are enjoying a sustained period on top.

Furthermore, several members of the Australian squad will be playing in their last ever Ashes series. The likes of Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath would want to end their illustrious playing careers on a high by defeating their biggest rivals.

And if you think I’m finished there, you would be wrong. In recent years, when England have seemingly achieved the sporting equivalent of the Holy Grail, they have always failed to please afterwards.

Take rugby for example. When England won the Six Nations and Rugby World Cup in 2003, the entire nation burst into celebration and joy.

But since those heady days, England have failed to win the Six Nations at every attempt. Legend Jonny Wilkinson has not featured in the squad and the side is currently in dire straights.

The same principle could be applied to football. When England beat Germany 5-1 in September 2001, everyone believed we would win the World Cup. And who could blame them? We had thumped our biggest rivals and special edition DVDs were soon released.

Ultimately, we showed a lack of passion against ten-men Brazil in 2002 - and don’t get me started about 2006.

So there we have it. But there’s still hope that an England team can restore pride on a consistent basis. I will undoubtedly spend the next couple of months clinging to this hope during the long nights to come.

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TELEVISION T unnel Vi s i o n TV Gareth I’m on ITV, get me out of here

W

ell there I was about to write a piece on the portrayal of females in television (honest) but features beat me to it (incidentally, the answer to their question is: No), so now we are left with nothing but a round up of my last fortnight in TV. Rejoice.

I’m a big fan of reality TV, and tire at people questioning its intelligence. I don’t think television has ever needed to be intelligent, unless it’s on BBC Four, and even worse is when something tries to be intelligent and entertaining at once, eg. student journalism, and more specifically this column. But things hit a low this week, when Malandra Burrows joined I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. This exciting news was worthy of a visit to the show’s website because obvioulsy I wanted to know what exciting celebrity goings on Malandra had been involved with since leaving Emmerdale in 2001, and so I checked out the participants’ profiles. Seemingly in an attempt to justify some of the also rans’ inclu-

SIXTYTWO

sion in the program, each has a list of their ‘Celebrity Supporters’. So “renowned designer’ Scott Henshall, who, quite frankly, you and I had never heard of, lists someone with the prefix of ‘Princess’ and Paris Hilton (on the basis that he fiddled with her hem line at some point) as his fans.

Best of all is Malandra herself, who cites as celebrity fans: “her horses.” Which may seem a little desperate, but if they starred alongside her in Emmerdale then they probably are more famous.

Sadly I haven’t really watched any more than that. Gaffers is on it though and he’s probably gonna do loads of exciting stuff, ‘cause last I heard he was struggling to pay his mortgage, so he’s gonna have to be REALLY interesting.

Something that is really awesome and not even slightly intelligent is Honey We’re Killing The Kids. Sadly not one of David Cameron’s ace new policies, but almost as good anyway. The premise is: health guru goes to council estate, tells family they are killing their child with message, puts child’s face into a computer and shows what they will look like in 10, 20, 30 years time.

Personally I would be pretty chuffed that my child was going to make it to forty, despite the fact it was quite clearly going to develop a drug addicition by the age of 12, but instead, oh no, they make it go to the gym.

And then after going to the gym they show what the child will now look like. And then they show a picture of your boring uncle that always gets you vouchers for Christmas, and then the parents rejoice that “Oh wow, young Declan is going to grow up to be devoid of personality and look like every person to work

in the public sector ever.” I know that’s not going to happen, because exercise will lead them into sunday league football, and that will turn them into a tosser.

And I can say that while slowly killing myself with free Domino’s garlic bread, courtesy of the magazine. Thanks a lot.

Boys will be fat, little, grubby, chav-like, did I mention, fat boys

TELEVISION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

IN CITY® UNDERSEXEDTHE It started with a mix . . . The most era-defining method of seduction unravelled under mountains of discs and vinyl.

F

rom greasy truckers cruising Interstate 5 to Journey and REO Speedwagon, through to pigtailed little bitches compiling their favourite Robbie and Razorlight, the cultural and symbolic act of home-taping is an integral part of the life cycle, whatever EMI and Lars Ulrich might tell you.

For hopeless romantics, it’s also the late 20th century equivalent of the Valentines card or the garland of flowers. In 2006, a top-rating mixtape is how deals are sealed, how loves are won and lost, and quite possibly the key defining strategy of romancing for the underqualified.

It got me thinking, is this a game anyone can play? Is it just for the Myspace generation, or can people who don’t give two honking hoots who Stephen Malkmus is, still package their personality into 90 minutes of music. Of course you can.

Firstly: mix tape or mix CD? This is simple. A mix tape is for trying to woo somebody special, where the significance of the gift should outweigh what it actually is. It’s like a bunch of flowers. A CD is similar, but one that you secretly want them to listen to and go “wow, Iron Maiden bsides!” as well. This is more of a functional gift, like saucy lingerie or Hugo Boss. Once your format is decided, the basic rules of mixtape etiquette have to be employed: no more than one song by each artist, don’t have too many cover versions, don’t lie to yourself and put on things that you don’t like, but you think they will. If you’re going to do that, you might as well write preliminary divorce papers into the sleeve notes.

Time is important. You’ve only got 90 minutes tops to sell your heart to them. Don’t put Mogwai Fear Satan

by Mogwai on there like I did; if they don’t dig it that’s a sixth of the time wasted. You fool.

Also, if you have too many long songs, then their attention is guaranteed to drift from, “wow, I want sex with the Joanna Newsom fan who made this”, to “I want to have sex with Toby Anstis off the telly.” Focus is important, it’s why you shouldn’t fill your mix with songs they already know, that they can hear on the radio, or at an ice rink. Don’t put the Killers on there, for God’s sake.

So you’ve got their attention, what next? You’ve got to put your soul into it. And what says “I want to marry you!” like a multitude of schmindie whingers singing ditties about crayons and shoelaces? Nothing!

You need at least five of these. If you’re a boy, these songs must be sung by boys. Likewise girls. You want the recipient to subconciously imagine that it’s you singing the song, even if it’s by someone as notably grotesque as Willy Nelson.

Find songs that hint that there’s more beneath your surface, like My Chemical Romance or Joy Division, these suggest that you’re in touch with Death himself, and therefore live life more productively. All bullshit, naturally. Likewise, if you’re going to put cover versions on there, firstly make sure they know the original song (“what’s ‘Wind Beneath My Wings again?”), and put them near the beginning, leaving you a home run of brandnew sensi-

BARRYCADSHAW@GAIRRHYDD.COM

tive shite for the kiss-off.

There are lots of don’ts. Don’t put anything ‘funny’ on there. Romeo and Juliet did not become starcrossed lovers over how hee-larious “Fuck Her Gently” by Tenacious D is.

Similarly, don’t put any songs with suggestive titles on there. I made this mistake with “The Hard One” by The Beta Band. Don’t put songs by yourself on there. You can’t sing, and they don’t want to know that. Don’t put songs by your friend’s band on there, that’s like encouraging them to run off and shag your fitter, happier more productive friends. Oh yeah, and don’t even toy with the idea of having Radiohead on there. Are you completely stupid?

Risks are worth taking. Even if they don’t like King Wasp by Add N to (X) (perfectly understandable), at least years down the line you can go “I can’t believe I put this on your tape!”. Beware, you’ve got to get to that stage first, and it won’t happen if the whole mix is full of songs that sound like a beekeeper farting through a vocoder.

Most importantly, make it a GIFT. Make a beautiful cover out of glitter and National Geographic cut-outs. Give it a suggestive title from one of the lyrics (eg: “I want to fuck you like an animal”). It must be perfect, otherwise you might as well give them a turd in a box. Lastly, don’t put either Nick Drake or Jeff Buckley on there. Whilst these two deceased crooners are fairly amicable, looking at a TDK C90 to find them on there is comparable to opening a luxury-wrapped present on Christmas day only to find it’s a pair of socks. Not even ones that can play a decent tune.

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