Quench - Issue 47

Q U E N C H QUENCH.GAIRRHYDD.COM > VOL 4.47 >DEC 11 2006

D IA N G UA R N T E D U T S E A Z IN M AG E H T OF YEAR

LOS !

S O N I S E P M A C ow we’d be n i n u f o t u ped o “If we drop f is brilliant” if rd a C . .. ts io id complete

w e n s ’ e n o y r e v e Meet d n a b e t i r u o v a f

o t, when you g a h w u o y ll te “I fresh socks on, t o g e ’v u o y d n a on stage you’re on fire”

THE MAGIC NUMBERS TALK TO QUENCH

QUENCH.GAIRRHYDD.COM > VOL 4.47 > DEC 11 2006

CONTENTS

features We chat to 08INTERVIEWS Nothing risingpoor star, about these Jamie T Page peasants 39

16TRAVEL Europe for your eastern promise 26FEATURES That’s frankly checkmate 43MUSIC High-notes of the year

“Anime: The Japanese word for animation, used in the West to refer specifically to Japanese animation”

Film/ page 36

regulars

Best Student Publication 2005

04THE BLURB

52ARTS

glc in the ‘Diff

NEW SECTION

Best Student Magazine 2005 & 2006

Christmas class

06DEBATE

55BLIND DATE

07GRACE

56DIGITAL

This will make you smile

There’s a first for everything

Looking up (skirt) at celebs

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

20FOOD

58GOING OUT

21FASHION

60CULT CLASSICS

24GAY

61THE FINAL WHISTLE

31REVIEWS

62TUNNEL VISION

32BOOKS

63BARRY CADSHAW

Goes festive The essential little black dress Ray of light Filmatic frolics

Looking back at the year that was

QUENCH@GAIRRHYDD.COM

A tale of two cities The Best of 2006

Never short of a buck Bloody Dr Who

Mix (taping) it up

Executive editor Perri Lewis Editor Sophie Robehmed Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kim O’Connor, Rebecca Child Blind Date Rosanne and Olivia Books Daisy Beare Columnists Gareth Paisey, Grace DeVille, Dave Menon, John Widdop Cult Classics Tom Brookes Debate Caleb Woodbridge Digital Dom MukwambaSendall Fashion Leana Crookes, Matt Hitt Features Amy Harrison, Ben Bryant Film Ewen Hosie, Ryan Owen, Si Truss Food Joanne Grew Gay Deen Lloyd, Jenny Hall Going Out Kayleigh Excell, Rachel Clare Interviews Amira Hashish, Nicola Menage Music Mike Richards, Sofie Jenkinson, Will Hitchins Photography Adam Gasson, James Perou, Sarah Day Travel Chris Rogers, Jim Whiteley Sub editor Graeme Porteous Proof Readers Elise Kirke, Rachel Cormican, Kate Dobbs Cover photo Adam Gasson Contributors Juliet Chard, Ed Vanstone, Lucy Andrews, Gillian Couch, Steve Myerscough, Sarah Edmonds, Jim Finucane, Helen Thompson, Jason Jones, Vince Ryan, Chris White, Roseanna Eastoe, Tom Williams, Sophia Littledale, Emily Khan, Matt Horwood, Ashley James, Graf Middleton, Greg Cochrane, Will Dean, Ben Jones, Harold Shiel, Skip James, Josie Allchin, Natalia Popova, Henry Cann, Guy Ferneyhough, Niamh Matthews, Ben Marshall, Emily Kendrik, Merren Callaghan, Tasha PrestSmith, Claire Power, Lucy Reader, Jaqui Polley, Lee Randel, Gareth Moss, Jimmy Interpol, Andy Swidenbank, Tom Victor, Barry Cadshaw, Tom Birts

THREE

THE BLURB q.ed.

Deck the halls (but not just yet thank you)

I

t’s that time again. The beginning of December and I’m finding myself regurgitating the apparently timeless cliché of ‘Really, where has the time gone?’ But I have to say, maybe it’s my ripe old-age of 21 speaking and Christmas really has lost the appeal it had when I would discover Father Christmas had been molting over his mince pie in the kitchen again, but Christmas seems to be getting earlier each year and it’s just not right.

That’s right, folks, I’m going to jump on the old commercialism bandwagon. I suppose when I was saving evidence of Santa’s alopecia, I wasn’t aware of said commercialism (despite having probably already been brainwashed by its prevailing existence). But back to the present and by humbug, barely had the ghouls and witches of Halloween vanished from our screens and it’s the start of November when nearly every advert is seemingly having an ongoing competition as to who can say ‘Christmas’ the most with their various Christmas promotions, Christmas sales, Christmas gift ideas, Christmas decorations and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. I’m appalled and more than a little peeved having to tell my inanimate television to shut up every other breath that I take. (I’d give it a spank and say ‘naughty tv’ if I could in a similar vain to how our dear parents would say ‘naughty table’ if we hit our heads as a child but so far, my television hasn’t resorted to any physical abuse so it wouldn’t really be justified).

Yet there is a non-seasonal, non-flashing, non-gaudy light to this relatively tame but nevertheless dark tale. I was reminded today that I’m not alone in my downright stuck-in-the-mud attitude (despite my disdain at how the one Christmas advert, with the ‘holidays are coming’ theme tune, which has always provided me with utter joy going AWOL in lieu of a bunch of grinning people). Considering it is now the start of December and the overkill of Christmas is safely in full-swing, a feature on the local news informed me that a pub has banned any mention of the C-word or even any of its three wise men until December 13 when it is presumably considered a more acceptable time to be festive. And rightly so, Ho, Ho. For me, it’s not Christmas until I’m lastminute, late-night Christmas shopping and I hear George Michael’s dulcet tones singing ‘Last Christmas, I gave you my heart’ as if personally to me via the in-store dolby surround system. Until that sweet day arrives, I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy (non-anticlimactic) New Year anyway.

FOUR

T H G I F THE

Bono ‘Beautiful Voice’ Hewson

Strengths: Has a full artillery of grooming products; owns a fortress of platinum discs; is very, very good looking; has The Edge.

Weaknesses: Easily distracted by charity events and mirrors; restrictive clothes allow little movement; oversized sunglasses cause visual impairment.

Special Move: The Stance of Empathy – With his best puppy-dog eyes, Bono entrances his opponent with stories of starving children and their mothers with the bad AIDS. When the tears start to well up, Bono unsheathes his mic and drives it through his opponents aching heart.

The ‘Third’ World Strengths: Numbers; hunger; high pain tolerance; many, many guns.

Weaknesses: Lack of natural resources; low stamina; few cash crops; disease.

Special Move: ‘The Faminator – the fighters stand side-on to their opponent, making them almost invisible to the naked eye. They then release a torrent of dodgy pharmaceuticals supplied by governments of the EU, causing their opponent to wither up and die.

THE verdict It didn’t take long for the Third World to see through Bono’s ugly mask. Having realised that the U2 front man’s constant charity appeals was little more than an evil plot to get his handsome face on the TV and the even more handsome royalties in his pocket, a fight was inevitable.

The pre-match condition of Bono was unknown, as the statement from his physio,

The Edge, was muffeled by his own colon, making it totally inaudible. The condition of the Third World, however, was well documented as Bono relayed it in a sympathy speech to a crowd of stupid hippies in Hyde Park. However this turned out to be little use to Bono as the sheer weight of his opponent and his own ego came crashing down on him early in the first round.

The time spent by Bono getting to his knees and buffing his Gucci shades was ample time for his skinny brown opponents to unleash The Faminator. A fine and poignant victory the Third World. But they’re still hungry, Bono. With or without you.

THE BLURB@GAIRRHYDD.COM

THE BLURB What The Shopper does

om Mystical fr kin’ Goldie Looles Chain tack ive Quench’s fons big questi

! s i h t r e Answ What’s the best thing you’ve ever stolen?

In younger years I went through a phase of stealing roadsigns. I also stole an ashtray from a weed shop, but my brother stole it off me. So I guess things have a way of coming around.

What’s the best lesson you’ve learnt in life?

Not to worry about little things and focus on the important stuff.

If you could be anyone, dead or alive, who you it be?

Jimi Hendrix Do you have any guilty pleasures?

Shit 70s and 80s films. Especially those on VHS. I plea to people to support their local video shops by hoarding VHSs.

KEVTHINKSTHINGS

What would your special powers be if you were a super hero?

I’d like to be able to look at girls’ pants. Or maybe just be able to fly. Ever since man has seen birds taking off from cliffs we’ve always wished we could do that.

THE BLURB@GAIRRHYDD.COM

As The Shopper walks towards me we catch each other’s eyes. We both know what’s about to happen.

The Shopper’s pupils dilate with a sudden rush of panic as I begin to peel the top flier of the hefty stack in my cold, left hand. The Shopper does his best to look through me and give his walk some kind of purpose, a purpose far too important to pause and take flier. But he’s still ten feet from me and he knows the eye contact was made too early.

This is the point where time seeps slowly, like treacle through a dirty sieve, as The Shopper tries to grapple with the options in his mind. It’s too late too stare into the middle-distance and pretend I don’t exist. Some kind of interaction will happen. It is inevitable.

But it’s only five paces now and the terrible vibrations from the last two seconds have made The Shopper despise the unknown content of the flier I intend to give him.

Too late. The decision is made for him. “Hello Sir. Would you like” I begin. “Nope. No” he splutters, unable to make same eye contact that spurred this ugly charade. “…The late-night shopping schedule” I manage to finish as he goes by. He misses a step as the realisation that he wants what I tried to give him. But the boat has sailed and The Shopper has missed it as I engage with another. It’s not always a nice feeling when you realise everyone isn’t out to get you.

h has: This week Quenc Been thinking: be in a band like That we want to pesino! and Ellen Gareth Los Cam , formally known as Los Campesino! Ellen TV Gareth and TV Been looking at:m - It might be old www.youtube.co u, but the Film hat to most of yoe it (especially the Desk bloody lov h stuff). soft-core Scottis

FIVE

DEBATE

The Existence of Santa For

Against

Juliet Chard

T

Ed Vanstone

he rumours of Father Christmas’ demise are greatly exaggerated. He may no longer fulfil the centuries-old role once ascribed to him, but he’s certainly still out there.

Tragically, like Top of the Pops or Betamax videos, he’s a victim of our ever-changing modern world. I’m going to outline the rise and fall of this elusive man in the 20th century and so improve his tarnished image in the eyes of so many unbelievers.

Perhaps the best indication of the state of affairs Father Christmas found himself in can be seen in his momentous appearance in C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. The children of Narnia are grateful for their ‘tools not toys’, and rejoice in the grand tea provided from his famous sack. Is this, then, not a blatant indication of the alienation Father Christmas had come to feel in an unaccommodating and materialistic modern world?

Nevertheless, this warning went unheeded by the masses. This great and generous man was forced to the peripheries of our society like the lepers of old. His role of present-giver was usurped by parents and their desire to ‘Argos-it’. It’s a vicious cycle: a whole new generation thinks he does not exist, and so will buy presents for their own children rather than letting Father Christmas deliver the goods. His home was slowly destroyed by global warming and the melting of the polar ice caps. But where is he now, I hear you say?

Fear not, his legacy as dogooder continues, for he now assists scientists in their work on the arctic tundra, and more recently aided the Planet Earth team in putting to rights the popular misconception that polar bears are friendly and enjoy Coca Cola.

Of course, this is all conjecture, but I hope some of what I have said may have made you think twice about the practicalities of being Father Christmas in our often bleak and shifting climate.

T

hose who bear the heavy mantle of adulthood often think that being young was great.

Summers went on forever, Primary school was a homework-free heaven of jokes and games of Kiss Chase, and sweets were only a skilfully pitched whinge away.

This is rubbish. University summers are longer by far than those of our youth. Primary school was a tortuous cycle of itchy uniforms, bullies and rejection. And the most you ever got to spend on sweets was 20p.

As children, however, we did enjoy something we’ve lost as adults: gullibility. We believed everything we were told. And the things that we were told were fantastic.

Do you remember, for example, the tale about the fat man with the bushy beard, who had incredible powers? He could see you all the time and tell if you were good or bad, and give you presents accordingly. It was wonderful when that seemed a plausible reality.

Unfortunately, when you move into double figures in age the whole God thing quickly starts to seem a bit silly.

The most famous story we are peddled as children regards another bushy bearded chap: Father Christmas. This fabrication is slightly more believable than that scary God chap, but nonetheless does not stand up to scrutiny. Reindeer, for example, don’t actually exist.

The Father Christmas myth achieves nothing except much spiritual pain when an older friend points out the implausibility of such a being. The wound of this revelation never heals.

One day you might be walking down a street, singing happy songs, when suddenly you’ll remember that Father Christmas isn’t real, and suddenly, everything great and good in the world is sucked into the black hole of this horrible truth.

I implore you to never tell your children the cruel fables of supernatural bearded men. Teach them that life is horrible and pointless early, or you risk scarring them for life.

His home was slowly destroyed by global warming and the melting of the polar ice caps

SIX

DEBATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

GRACE

Stars in their thighs Grace I

de Ville

t’s a big, bad, knicker-less world out there. You’d better exit your taxi with a modicum of poise otherwise someone’s going to take a picture of your faff and it won’t be pretty.

You can forgive Britney for being a bit loose with her nether regions after twice enduring childbirth but LiLo? The very millisecond I thought that there wasn’t anything left to know about Lindsay Lohan, I’m jolted back to attention by the visual equivalent of being slapped in the face with a large battered Sea Bass. Look Lind, people aren’t throwing their underwear at you because of your irresistible Hollywood allure - they’re literally begging you to cover up your disturbingly haggard lady-chasm. This is surely the moment that historians in years to come will identify as the beginning of the end for The Celebrity.

To cut a long, tedious story short - the advancement in information technologies has enabled us to get closer to celebrities than ever before. We can read their daily thoughts on blogs, rate their outfits in heat magazine, ogle their life story on the E! Channel and even be their ‘friends’ on internet networking sites. I now know the precise number of hairs sprouting from Kerry Katona’s coke-ravaged left nostril (a: 42. Source: ‘My nose hair made Bryan dump me’ exclusive Reveal interview) and the number of lefthanded girls from Walsall that Russell Brand has fondled. (a: 17, also their average age. Source: Everything published since January).

Do we really want to know this shit?

Or has Bertha the PR engine gone into overdrive?

The mystery is gone and - shock horror- we discover that they’re the same as us. In fact they’re worse

What’s next for the common garden crotch-flashing luminary?

than us. The loathsome exploits of celebrities have filled a thousand flimsy magazines and spawned a seemingly equal number of opinion pieces condemning the plague of overexposed and overpaid nonentities that litter the public sphere. So please forgive me. You’ve heard it all before, I know. The demise of true stardom may be the rant de jour, but it’s an issue that really divides opinion.

“

A few oversized safety pins in your dress isn’t going to cut the mustard these days, Liz Celebrities have nothing left to give. A few oversized safety pins in your dress isn’t going to cut the mustard these days, Liz. In order to get yourself noticed in the new millennium you need to squirt blood at an unwitting gaggle of photogra-

GRACEDEVILLE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

phers, attempt to marry a Filipino child, steer a boat with your wodger or spear asparagus erm, spears, down your emaciated giraffe-neck until you regurgitate the remnants of your monthly macrobiotic piss-shake.

I propose that radical action must be taken before the sheer number of out-of-work stars engulfs our other industries. The only way we can protect the inevitable fate of the glitterati and thus save humanity is to employ an adopt-a-celebrity scheme.

Just three pounds a month would pay for important public appearances, legal fees and the general mountain of costs involved with life in the scrutiny of the public eye.

As a reward for your generosity, you’ll receive a newsletter from your chosen personality (written in their own bodily emissions), a signed portrait and a stuffed toy that resembles the adoptee. For an additional annual fee of fourteen pounds, you’ll even get a phone call on your birthday. A superb idea, if I may say so myself.

Sign me up for Paris Hilton!

BRIT: A nice clam chowder there

SEVEN

INTERVIEWS

THE LAKEMAN

Lucy Andrews caught up with folk singer/songwriter, Seth Lakeman, when he visited the Welsh capital itting by the side of the motorway next to your broken down car might not be the first thing that springs to mind as a life changing experience. But for singer-songwriter Seth Lakeman it was just that. It was here that he received the phone call telling him that his album Kitty Jay had been short-listed for the Mercury Music Prize.

The production of the album, however, couldn’t be further removed from the high profile status associated with such an award. Kitty Jay, firmly rooted in the folk tradition, was recorded by Seth in his brother’s kitchen for £300, on his own record label ‘I-Scream’. Since such humble beginnings, Seth has signed for

S

EIGHT

record label Relentless to produce a new album, Freedom Fields, from which he has just released his second single, The White Hare.

But, despite his recent commercial success and growing fan base, Seth shows no signs of selling out.

Equipped with just his violin, guitar, and his voice, Seth arrived at Spillers Records in Cardiff recently to promote his new single, performing an impromptu concert in the street before signing CDs and, in the case of one young girl, her violin! No matter how successful Seth Lakeman is becoming, he is in no danger of letting the fame go to his head, and the passion he has for his music ensures that he is becoming an influential figure in the movement to

bring the folk genre into the mainstream.

When did you decide to make a career out of music?

I was working in between school holidays, driving around the M5, doing gigs and local folk festivals. I guess I was about seventeen when I thought that I could actually make some money out of this and do it as an actual career. That’s when I pretty much knew.

When did you start learning to play the violin?

I was four. I had classical lessons till grade eight. I found it quite hard work, trying to read the music and things like that. I did it and I enjoyed it, but I guess you had to be quite focussed to do it. It’s like riding a bike, you just get used to it. It becomes part of what you do and who you are. The violin is an

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS extension of who I am.

Did you find formal lessons inhibiting?

There wasn’t much room for improvisation or writing, and I quite like experimenting and creating. When I got to grade 8 I thought that it was time to concentrate a bit more on the writing. I was about 14 then.

How did you keep up your enthusiasm for playing?

I had my feet in a bit of jazz, song writing, listening to great players like Frankie Gavin, Mark O’ Connor, Stéphane Grappelli. If you keep it quite eclectic and varied then you don’t get bored. I’m quite an impatient person, as you might tell with the music. It’s quite urgent, and the songs are always quite short. It’s just the nature of who I am.

Has signing for Relentless affected the music that you produce?

It doesn’t really affect me. Freedom Fields wasn’t written for that purpose. It was written as an experiment with the great musicians that I work with, Cormac, Ben and Sean. I think that the next record will just be an extension of that. It will just be the stamping style that we’ve got, and moving forward probably, but not in terms of plugging anything in.

We’ll still use the same instruments and keep the style of song writing and story-telling going. It’s quite an imprint of a style that we’ve got going. Over the festivals last summer it was quite a big effect in terms of young people who were really getting into this sort of music.

takes really. Relentless want me to write a record in three days but I’ve explained that it takes about three months.

Is writing a solitary act for you?

I have to be alone to write. I can’t really write with other people. I’ve tried to. I can structure songs with other people, but I can’t actually sit down and write lyrics and things like that. It’s very difficult. With the substance of the song, the actual ingredients, it’s really difficult to sit down and scratch your head with some one else there.

What is your relationship with your fans like?

I like to keep it as independent and as real as possible. I think that has to relate to how real and organic the music is. I keep as close as possible, but without being over the top.

There are loads of things that can scare you in this job, but at the end of the day it’s all just music and hype.

Do you pay much attention to media hype?

I think it’s best just to ignore that. I was talking to KT Tunstall last night and you can see that she hasn’t changed the way she’s focused.

You’d imagine she would, but it’s not like that.

What would be your ideal gig?

I guess, a small intimate gig. I love doing little gigs for 40 or 50 minutes. Just fiddle and guitar, not even plugged in. Kind of a folk club/pub atmosphere. Definitely a pub! I imagine I’ll keep up the small kind of venues.

Do you ever feel like you need to escape from the music?

I think there’s a time that everyone needs to go through, where you need to escape from the music. I’ve been quite immersed in music for a long time now. I wouldn’t mind having a break at some point. It won’t be next year, probably not the year after that, but there’s a moment where you need to think about life, about moving on. You need to think about families and things like that eventually.

But obviously I can’t think about that at the moment!

What do you do to relax?

I’ve just bought another house so I’m going to able to chill out, buy a few bits and pieces, paint a room or two. I get bored so quickly, but that’s just who I am. I’m doing some gigs in Europe next, and then America though, so I’m going to be busy for a while. *Ben is on tour in December. He is playing the CIA on 20th.

How do you go about writing a song?

I like to write back home in Devon, on Dartmoor. I go home there and just hang around for however long it

I’m quite an impatient person as you might tell with the music. It’s quite urgent and the songs are usually short INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

NINE

INTERVIEWS

Quick-fire questions with Grandadbob

Dave Johnson and Vanessa Robinson are a Sheffield born, pop/electronica act.

They enlighten Gillian Couch on their shoe-alteregos, Grandadbob origins and personal preferences...

Where did the name Grandadbob come from?

D. Well, we had to give a name to the record company and we hadn’t decided on one yet. So we just chose the last thing we’d been talking about which was Vanessa’s granddad Bob. If you weren’t musicians, what alternative career takes your fancy?

D. I think I would be a game keeper.

V. Ooo, A dog petter! Getting paid to pet dogs would be great.

What type of shoe would you be?

D. An espadrille. It’s like a slip on shoe but you can wear it outdoors and inside.

V. I’d be a muddy welly.

If you could meet anyone, who would it be?

D. Freddy Mercury.

V. My parents.

Do you have any bizarre fears?

TEN

THE LOWDOWN With Amira and Nicky

The latest celebrity updates In a recent Portugese interview, Gwyneth Paltrow apparently slated her native country, saying that Britons are ‘much more intelligent and civilized than Americans.’

Yet Gwyneth maintains that her comments were misconstrued, denying ever having been interviewed by the Portugese publication. She does, however, admit giving a press conference in Spanish, commenting: “Obviously I need to go back to seventhgrade Spanish!”

D. No, we don’t really have any bizarre fears.

V. I’m scared of flying though.

You recently supported Badly Drawn Boy, how did that go?

D. Yeah it was amazing, we got to see some new material and we went down really well with the crowd.

Your song Hide Me is similar to Dubstar, is that a compliment?

D. Oh! That’s really good! Funny actually, we heard Stars the other day and said how much we used to love that song.

Do you have a favourite band or artist?

D. Not so much a band or artist, but we saw a recent Bruce Springsteen show which was brilliant.

Describe Grandadbob in 5 words.

V. Oh that’s a good one.

D. Most fun we’ve ever had.

Tea or coffee? Winter or Summer?

D & V. Tea and WInter.

Beer or cider?

D. Well I’m drinking Magners at the moment actually, but I prefer beer.

V. Ooo Cider.

The Mighty Boosh or The Office?

D. Oh, I think The Office.

V. The Office!

Grandadbob’s new single Soul In Your Salad is out early next year.

Check out www.grandadbob.co.uk.

Mark Owen is apparently set to marry his long-term girlfriend Emma Ferguson. "I popped the question and Emma said yes," The Sun reports him as saying.

"I can't believe it. I'm so lucky.

We plan to get married in the summer."

Mark must be feeling pretty chuffed; this good news coincides with Take That’s comeback success. Their new single Patience shot straight to number one in the UK singles chart while the album – Beautiful world – went to the top of the album chart.

Eddie Murphy is not now dating former 'Spice Girl' Melanie Brown, who is believed to be pregnant with his child. Asked on a Dutch TV show about Mel's pregnancy, he told the presenter he was being 'presumptuous', since the pair have split up. “I don't know whose child that is, until it comes out and has a blood test. You shouldn't jump to conclusions, sir.”

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS

Jean (de) Baptiste Ryan Owen has a leisurely postbreakfast chat with Jean-Baptiste Andrea, famed director of Dead End and Big Nothing

T

he French director, is the lucky creator of two little gems, both black comedies, Dead End and Big Nothing (starring Simon Pegg and David Schwimmer).

Jean-Baptiste seems to be a busy man at the moment. He co-wrote a film called Hellphone – now in post production – that’s a horror-comedy with a cellphone that ends up being possessed. He added: “Aside from that I’m writing and directing a sci-firom-com. This will be a lot lighter than Dead End and Big Nothing.”

Chatting about how Big Nothing came about, Jean-Baptiste talks about a frustration at wanting to shoot something very quickly. “I wanted to break something and had a desire to do something dark. Big Nothing was written out of this. It’s really dark and it has a very European humour, with farcical elements, and Simon Pegg has a Peter Sellers nature about him."

As a comic duo, I mention that Pegg and Schwimmer bounce off each other well, reminiscent of Riggs and Murtaugh in Lethal Weapon. JeanBaptiste seems elated at this comparison and proclaims “I love Shane Black’s scripts. Simon and David are

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

really funny together and it’s great that outside of the film they have this relationship..it’s risky bringing two comedians from different backgrounds that have cultural differences and having them work together, but it really pays off.” They had previously worked on Band Of Brothers together and are now working on Run, Fat Boy, Run together.

“

I fell in love with Simon Pegg Jean-Baptiste Andrea

We transgress onto his beginnings, talking about his foundations in theatre, before his move into film making with his debut film Dead End. Though he received no formal training in cinema, he funded his passion for writing and directing by translating books. He co-wrote and directed his first movie, Dead End, with Fabrice Canepa. He talks of wanting to be behind the camera ‘pulling the strings’ as it were. “Movie making is such a great medium, as it puts together sound, colour and image.” He talks of inspirations,”the films that I watched were

released in the 70s and 80s like Star Wars.” He saw Pegg for the first time, in Spaced, a programme saturated with such references. “I love Spaced and I fell in love with Simon and knew he had to be Gus. Sometimes you get lucky in life. He was available and he wanted to do it.” He didn’t want Pegg to have a British accent as he was wary of Americans protesting “What’s this limey doing here?” So Pegg used an American accent and when the film screened in America, the accent was so good no-one was the wiser.

There’s nothing like getting one over on the Americans.

Although Big Nothing is set in America/Canada, it turns out that quite a bit was filmed just outside of Cardiff. Also, most of the crew were Welsh. “They were really enthusiastic and I was surprised by how fast they worked considering we only had a six week shoot.” The film was also the closing film at the Cardiff Film Festival. It felt right showing it in Cardiff as we shot most of the film there. We also got the members of the crew to come and watch it for the first time there.” Cardiff may well be its second home.

Everyone seems to love Big Nothing. What does the maker himself think? “I remember feeling proud watching it recently. It was good to see people laughing at all the right moments, but it was better to see them laughing at bits that were unexpected. People were even jumping out of their seats.” Big Nothing is out now at all cinemas with taste.

ELEVEN

INTERVIEWS

Sofie Jenkinson talks to the Magic Numbers about being an established band and whether socks are still on the rider

ic g a M e b it ld u o C

“ I

t’s been a while since Quench last spoke to the lovely Magic Numbers. In that time they’ve been very busy with a hugely sucessful debut album, an endless summer of festivals and the creation of a second album. So it was about time we caught up with them to see how it was all going...

So is it all as hectic as the first time round?

SEAN: “I think we’re just more used to it more now. The first time round it was kind of hectic and it was new which made it even more hectic. But now you’re kind of used to the hecticness.”

MICHELE: “...and you didn’t say hectic one more time! Ha ha!”

Have there been any festivals you’ve particualarly enjoyed doing over the last couple of years?

M: “I think as the four of us our biggest highlight was doing Glastonbury and T in the park. And then this time round we played V festival on the main stage and it was just insane how many people turned up, you couldn’t see any grass or anything it was just a sea of heads.”

TWELVE

You recorded your new album in New York, how much difference did it make?

“It was amazing. It was a private studio in upstate New York like a couple of miles away from Woodstock. Just the studio itself and the live room and everything I think inspired us to work. We were there for six weeks and were relaxed as can be really.

“And just kind of there doing what we do. There was no pressure or anything, we just kind of went in and recorded the album. We just had these amazing rooms where you could see the sunrise and the sunsets. Just wake up, or stay up early in the morning, yeah it was just a really good feeling.

“It was good to work up there, because it was nice to get away.”

Did it help the album to come together as well as it did?

S: “I think so yeah because sometimes when things are coming together you’re looking at the clock.

So when things were going good you could stick at it and then when they started turning a little bit shitty…you could say time to go to bed! And get up and start again.”

People always see you as an innately happy band whereas you have quite refelctive lyrics...

M: “It’s that hand-in-hand thing between feeling really happy and positive and hopeful and being a downright mess in the same space.

“I never know how I’m feeling, whether I’m feeling in a good mood or 100% happy or 100% sad, you’re always fighting this middle ground really. I think that’s important in our music.”

Do you still have socks on your rider?

S: “One pair each...”

M:…“boys and girls. The girl’s asked for stripey, but we didn’t get them!

Can’t win em all can you.”

S: “I tell you what, when you go on stage and you’ve got fresh socks on you’re like on fire, when you’ve got sweaty socks on you feel a little bit sluggish on stage. “ Having just supported the Flaming Lips and Sonic Youth on a tour in America and with their own tours in Ireland, America and Spain all lined up for next year it’s up, up and away for the Magic Numbers, it seems.

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS

All hail...

! s o n i s e p m a C s o L

“

PHOTOS: JAMES PEROU

“We’re just student cliches!”

Every now and again you stumble across something which catches you slightly off guard, spins you around and makes everything seem a little different…. a little better. Sometimes you fall over, says Sofie Jenkinson Back in May (remember those days?) it was Los Campesinos! taking Factory by storm. Creating the biggest group of gob smacked young people that side room had ever seen, splutters of "Their first gig?!", "There was nothing wrong with that...at all.", and "Where the hell have they come from!". It sent the crowd scatteringin all directions to tell their friends what their ears had just made their hearts feel. They are one of the things in life that are truly impossible to keep to yourself. Everyone ran to shout it from the rooftops.

They’ve come along way from the indie power rangers days of that first gig but their powers remain the same. Aleksandra gives us melodica power, as well as keyboards and lady vocals!; Ellen gives us bass power!; Gareth gives us boy vocals, glockenspiel, guitar and rolling around on the floor power!; Harriet gives us violin, keyboard and lady vocal power!; Neil gives us guitar and chorus power!; Ollie gives us drum power and last but most definitly not least Tom gives us amazingly speedy fingers vs. guitar power! That is Team Campesinos! from start to end.

A little over half a year later they are 15 gigs wiser with a shiny new record deal from Witchita to show for their trouble. So what’s become of this bunch of third year students?

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Gareth: “Being at uni has made it all a lot easier I’d say...”

Harriet: “Yeah it makes it really good I think.

Ellen: “Sorry I was distracted by Little Chris, he disturbs me so much!”

G: “Uni has been a blessing because if we didn’t have uni we’d have no reason to have not gone full steam ahead into making an album, touring…which we are completely not ready for…not just because of our age but because of the songs that we’ve got and how much we need to imporove.”

Aleks: “I know I find it really hard to concentrate this year. It’s just coz there’s more exciting things to think about rather than patient’s who’ve pissed themselves and stuff.”

Tom: “It’s like a carrot dangling in front of you..”

E: “It’s nice to know what you’re doing next year, I really like that.”

G: “Careers fayres make me feel good.”

Ollie: “It has been difficult sometimes like when we did the London and Oxford gigs, they went really well, we all felt going back on Monday was gotta get back into the routine…”

H: “I just think it’s great, we’ve got like this easy type of what it’ll be like to be touring and then we get to go back to our nice normal lives where we don’t have to think about it. It’s just really good, just playing.”

A: “What do we do like next year?

When it’s all…that…we’re…doing?”

N: “We can play football manager without feeling guilty, that’s what we’re doing. “ G: The album will be out early 2008.

You can sort of fully apprechiate how people turn into nobs when they get thrown into everything. We would not be ready for it at all. Not musically, not mentally either I don’t think. If we did drop out of uni we’d have been idiots but we would have been completely out of our depth.

THIRTEEN

INTERVIEWS “We’re probably going to get tarnished with the ‘new rave’ brush... we like dancing!”

G: “I'm a little disappointed that more people haven't picked up on Twisted more. When more people do start going I think we'll be annoyed but I think that everything's brilliant at the moment in Cardiff but it's just the same people involved in everything. Like the people that are in the bands are the people that go to all the other bands gigs…”

T: “That's why it seems like a scene, but it's not it's a community” G: “Shake My Hand said that!”

T: [Laughs] “Yeah I ripped it off them.”

[General laughter] T: “Because we're not really playing the same music, which is a fair point!”

G:“And I think the reason that it hasn’t been picked up by national press or whatever is because we're playing all different music, because it needs to be stuck under a banner and there is no banner…unless they call it....”

N: “Diff core…”

G:“Yeah Diff core! Or the seven shuffle or a name like that it's not gonna...it's obviously all rooted in guitar music but within the spheresof all guitar music it's a lot more eclectic than any of the other scenes in Britain.”

T: “Do scenes ever actually exist?”

A: “God...just coz you're in the grad. bar Tom!” [Laugher.]

T: “I'm just descontructing….”

E: “Yeah what is life really about…?”

G: “As soon as you tag it it's a scene. It doesn't have to be something real or natural but if people call it a scene it's a scene. Like the whole Thames Beat and all that other shite.”

H: “What's that?”

G: “That's like Jamie T.” H: “Like duh duh da duh duh?”

FOURTEEN

G: “And the new rave thing…”

T: “Which is invented!”

G: “Yeah it's made up, but it exists.

It does exist because they say it does. It's got a Wikipedia page!”

T: “That doesn't mean it exists” [Massive debate about scenes continues...Quench looks on.]

“Glock'n'Roll…that could be the scene name.”

O: “But they might think that it's gangster twee pop music! Glock means pistol.”

G: “If you're going to try to say what sort of music we play then that's exactly what we play…Glock'n'Roll.”

T: “Do I get credit for that?”

G: “But I've said it loads before!”

T: “Phhff! Only after I'd said it!”

G: “I wanted to call it the Rock’n’spiel…”

T: “…but not Glock'n'Roll?”

G: [slightly hurt] “It’s the same idea!

Ah...you can have it!”

E: “When I was born that was the first word I said, so actually…gloockk’n’roolll.”

“I think we’re just going to become another MySpace cliché...”

T: “Some people thought we were manufactured. Like genuinely thought we were, some people on Drowned In Sound were saying that it was really suspicious” Quench: “Really…why?”

G: “Because we’re all so attractive.”

N: “Because we write such good songs.”

T: “It’s essentially all come just from DIS and posting. I think we’re just going to become another MySpace cliché.”

G: “And the blogs of course…”

T: “Which is another cliché.”

G:“I think the real life thing is only just coming together now about as recently as the last 3 or 4 gigs we’ve played. The gigs that we played around the time of the hype…well the Broken Social Scene gig…”

A: “We didn’t play any gigs during the hype!”

[T and G discuss when “the hype” ended and began] G:“It was when we played lived that people realise what we were saying all along, it was kind of like..’hang on, you’re not actually that good.

I think that best thing about the idea of the band was that we never intended to have any level of success.”

T: “Yeah I think that stage it was very organic because we didn’t really have any ambition, we just wanted to play.”

G: “The thing with DIS is if they’re slagging you off they’ve got every right to because most of the people on there like good music anywway.”

T: “Yeah I think it’s good at this early stage to be able to read what people think. If someone slags us off then I’m like ‘Yeah, you’re probably right!’”

E: “Yeah but it’s hard if you’re a particularly sensitive person and you tend to know where you’ve gone wrong yourself anyway.”

G: “I think a lot of the charm of the band lies in things which aren’t necessarily music in that there’s 7 of us, boys and girls having fun.”

T: “But at the same time the live experience should be different.”

G: Yeah definitely, otherwise you just may as well stay in and listen to a CD.: H: “Wait until you hear the new recordings and then you’ll realise...”

[Collective laughter.]

“That ATP Vs. The fans next year...I know for a fact one person has voted for us!”

G: “Us three went to ATP this year just gone and it was by far the best weekend of my life and to be a part of something like that would be amazing.”

T:“I wouldn’t feel right doing it though. We don’t deserve to be on that stage…maybe in a few years when if we get good. We’re waiting for the triangle of the Pavement curating, Broken Social Scene and they might give us a little slot in the night time, G: “Triangle…ha ! Are we the third..”

T:“Yeah, but it’s got to be a really acute isosceles.”

G: “It seems rude and presumptuous to even think of ourselves in that kind of league!”

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Ollie, Aleks, Ellen, Gareth, Tom, Neil, Harriet

“But they might think that it’s gangster twee pop music!”

“Then you’d have to like too many people Gareth, you’ve got like a quota for how many people you’re allowed to like at any one time!”

G: [Grins shyly.] “Only because people are generally quite rubbish but if people listen to our band then they are going to listen to the bands that we like, which are infinitely better than us. Oh and then they won’t need us…shit.”

E: “You haven’t thought about this have you?”

G: “No…” H: “We’ll just have to keep getting more and more influences…”

T: “Just get really bad influences…and then be better than them.”

“No one ever talks about you being Russian Aleks, that’s the most interesting thing!”

G: “You like drum’n’bass.”

[Aleks nods] A: “We didn’t get much music out there...only East 17. I loved them.

Quench: “Being Russian doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a spy…”

A: “But I am...”

O: “Been near any plutonium recently?”

G: “Oo I bet you’re getting that every day?”

A: “Nah no one reads the news.”

Q: “Isn’t it Polonium? Isn’t plutonium the stuff in Superman?”

All: “No that’s Kryptonite!”

A: “Plutonium is from something else, it sounds like it’s from a cartoon.”

N: “Pluto’s from Disney...”

Q: “But no longer a planet…”

N: “Venus rhymes with penis!”

[Collective laughter]

“Have you had that email with Disney characters having sex?

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

It’s quite disturbing…but its also..ha…quite arousing .”

G: “Can we get that for our video?”

T: “I’d go for Jasmine or the little mermaid…when she was half fishy.”

H: [Sarcastic tone] “I would love to shag Prince Phillip. I think aladian is quite hot actually.”

T: “You’ve seen what he can do with an apple as well” [Knowing look] A: “I reckon if tramp was a person he’d be quite hot, he’s quite scruffy and cheeky.”

G: “Did Ariel have legs at any point?”

T:“Have you seen her legs? Her legs are amazing, they go on forever!”

E: “So if she’s going for the tramp can I have Simba?”

A: “In that case Robin Hood.”

T: “Wasn’t he a fox? Yeah he was.”

G:“Was Maid Marien a fox?…hmmm.

Can I just have sex with a regular fox. Are you not organising this?”

A: “Snow White was shit.”

E: “I thought she was quite good.”

A: “No! Remember all that singing down to well...‘laa laa laaaa!’”

N: “Bambi’s mum.”

Q: “She’s dead.”

N: “Even better, I wouldn’t have to call her.” [Gareth chokes on own laughter.]

G: “Snow White’s pretty hot.”

T: “Does Snow White come with the dwarves?”

E: “I’m going for Mowgli.”

G: “But he’s like 12.”

E: “In a few years time!”

A: “I’m having Robin Hood.”

G: “Jessica Rabbit! Is that Disney?

Yeah I’m having her!”

When they found out they’d been signed all hell broke loose, including being banned from the Cardiff Hilton.

A: “They insulted your hair!”

G: “Well they said I couldn’t go in because of my hair so I shouted

PHOTOS: JAMES PEROU

INTERVIEWS

“Nazis!” at them.”

A: “We went in the fountain instead.”

O: “And then saw Doctor Who being filmed.”

E: “We stole a banana...”

G: “They were like, ‘You can’t take that’ and we were just like ‘yeah, yeah, we’re just having a banana!’

T: “Five a day mate! I’ve only had four, it’s an emergency.”

E: “We signed it David Tennant!”

“If Dylan’s making the chips and Johnny’s drinking the champagne, then Los Campesinos! are eating the Haribo.”

O: What does that mean?

G to N: Not Dylan from Neighbours, that’s what you thought isn’t it?

T: Or the Magic Roundabout.

H: What? If Dylan’s rubbish now then they’re [Razolight] brilliant?

T: Yeah G: And we’re eating the Haribo, I’m a vegetarian. I don’t know what that says.

“What an idiot!,” exclaims Gareth as he discovers Los Campesinos! are featured in NME journo tracks of the year, “He needs to listen to more music!”

With their first single due for vinyl and download release in Feburary and a tour being booked for March the world is finally going to get a chance to know what it is we’ve all been shouting about!

In amongst discussing urine, female ‘mounds’, swimming in money a la Duck Tales, superhero powers and how they are a Diasporic entity based in Cardiff, Los Campesinos! have painted us a very special picture. Now we know that their eye poppingly fantastic brand of wonky pop which discusses all things from paper cuts to splinters is based on the kind of chemistry and friendship Girls Aloud can only dream of, although there is still a ‘ginger one’, but she’s a Russian spy so it’s ok.

FIFTEEN

TRAVEL

Eastern Europe

...continued

As the banger car that is Travel careers around the racing track of life, the audience of malcontent gasps in feigned astonishment as Steve Myerscough grabs the wheel, and drives us to Albania.

On your marks Steve...

I

think it is fair to say that Albania doesn’t have the best of reputations. It seems that whenever we hear about the country it is always linked with words such as ‘immigrants’, ‘gangs’, ‘trafficking’ or ‘illegal’.

Having travelled to Albania a number of times in the past few years, I’ve discovered that this former communist state deserves far better that the impression most people have of it.

Flying into Albania you first arrive at Tirana’s Mother Teresa Airport (She was an Albanian, part of the 50% of ethnic Albanians who live outside of their homeland). Driving away from the airport you are likely to notice two things: one is the peculiar fact that about half the cars on the road are Mercedes. The other is the mushroom shaped concrete bunkers dotted around the countryside. There are more than 700,000 of these concrete bunkers all over Albania, a legacy from its communist rule, which was finally broken in the early 90s. They were built under the instruction of Hoxha, the communist leader of Albania for nearly forty years, to protect against the supposedly imminent American invasion.

So solidly were they built that they are virtually impossible to destroy so remain in the fields, beside roads and along the beaches, serving as a constant reminder of Albania’s troubled past.

On my first trip there I was sur-

SIXTEEN

“

169,998 to go...

There are over 700,000 concrete bunkers prised at the poor level of development of this European country.

Driving outside of the city generally entails bouncing along on potholed tracks, many people still live in small shacks or communist style concrete blocks and power cuts are a daily occurrence. But there is evidence of wealth and development. Besides the capital Tirana, Albania has a number of large cities that are all undergoing periods of investment and redevelopment.

A short drive from the capital is Durres, Albania’s main port and one of the biggest cities. New apartment blocks and shops seem to pop up here every time I visit and the formerly potholed roads are being surfaced and revamped. It is easy for a returning visitor to notice that the government is continuously working to improve the infrastructure, essential if the country is to attract tourists.

There are certainly places to go as a tourist here. The pride of Durres is its ‘Plazh’ Boulevard which backs onto a sandy beach for over a mile and contains a wealth of hotels and fine restaurants. The hotels here are what you might expect from resorts across the Adriatic in Italy, but noticeably cheaper. Eating out is similarly cheap; fine food is pleasantly affordable.

During the summer evenings the city centre comes alive with people as the roads are shut to traffic and people come out for a stroll. This ‘Xhiro’ is one of my favourite things about Albania and makes you realise how our western, commodified lifestyles have lead us to forget the simple joys in life. Without aims, destinations or plans you head out for a stroll, chat to friends you meet along the way and perhaps head to a beach-side café together to enjoy the Mediterranean evening and the sea air.

Albania is a country that despite obvious problems is doing all it can to recover from years of adverse rule under communism. From mountains to plains to beaches, centuries-old towns to Roman amphitheatres, Albania has a lot to offer the adventurous traveller.

Some travel agents are already offering trips to King Zog’s former nation, with many going for the golden beaches in the south. If you want to get in ahead of the crowd and visit somewhere as yet unspoiled by western influence then I’m sure Albania will not disappoint.

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TRAVEL

Beer with Bohemia: L

Snatches of Prague

amplight blushes from twisted iron posts cast warmth amid the frost. Blizzards tumble, cloaking the city with flumes of white. Hurtling trams shuttle between bold, tall buildings, an ideal means of travelling the city at lightning speed. Centrally, though, quests for the intricate alleys and hidden squares are better carried on thick-socked feet.

The Communist Museum promotes itself: ‘We’re above McDonalds’ Prague became a tourist city soon after the Iron Curtain fell, bringing business and popularity, also chains and commercialisation which, against the beautiful architecture seem out of place.

The Communist Museum promotes itself: ‘We’re above McDonalds, across from Benetton.

Viva La Imperialism!’ Nevertheless, the glaring corporate facades melt out of sight. The Jewish quarter forms a large part of the Old Town, and within its web of narrow, winding streets beneath tall, leaning houses, a slice of Prague culture awaits. Old Town square is a good beginning, rich in cafes, galleries and stalls selling marionettes, hot pastries and spiced wine. Here stands the famous astrological clock, its chime in bohemian, astrological and regular time an hourly attraction.

Prague is a place of expressionist, mythic and modern delights. For art, the Czech capital is home to the stunning ladies of Alfonso Mucha, one of the main men of art nouveau.

A more prominent presence is Franz Kafka, writer and philosopher, whose shadowy novels convey his connections and conflicts with the city.

Sarah Edmonds

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Where’s Wally?

Beer, beer, all around, so lets all have a drink!

Budweiser Budvar

The poster boy of Czech beers. Available from the back streets of Prague, to the Prince of Wales, don’t get this highly refreshing, highly drinkable beer confused with the bottled piss that comes from across the Atlantic.

Staropramen No need to travel to Prague to sample this fine Czech Pilsner just pop down to The Woodville for a the best pint you’ll find this side l e v of Bohemia.

Tra m’s e i J oic Ch

Pilsner Urquell The quintessential Czech beer. Claims to be the first Pilsner (clear, golden lagers) ever invented. If thats true, things have gone downhill ever since.

Perfect for after the night at the opera.

Gambrinus Labelled as a poor man’s beer, you’ll find nothing but rich satisfaction in this Czech delight. Drink this whilst in Prague l for the full ve Tra ris’ czechxperience! h C oice Ch

SEVENTEEN

TRAVEL

The Baltic States More persistent than The Soviet Union, Jim Finucane takes us to the Ex-Soviet region of the Baltics

T

ell everyone you’re off to Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia for a month and the usual response is “Where?! Why’s that then?” But for those travelling on a budget, and looking to explore somewhere a bit off the beaten track of Eastern European destinations, the Baltics is an alluring option.

All three countries pride themselves on their individuality, reflected in their different languages, food, and currency, and incorporate three of the most intriguing national capitals of Eastern Europe in Vilnius, Riga, and Tallinn respectively.

There are many reminders of the area’s turbulent history (the three countries only gained independence from the old Soviet Union in 1991), but the locals’ desire to fully enjoy the freedom they only so recently acquired also contributes to a thriving entertainment culture in the cities.

All three capitals incorporate narrow laned old-towns into their heart, as well as raucous night-lives enjoyed by young travellers and funseeking locals alike. The streets buzz till the early hours of the morning, and with the Baltics hosting lengthy, deep, dark winters, it seemed as though I had chosen the perfect time to visit whilst everyone was making the most of the fleeting summer months.

Vilnius is the super-chilled, superfriendly, hub of Lithuanian cultural and social life. A relatively small city, with modest population, it’s the kind of place where everyone seems totally unhurried. Get lost exploring its crooked alleyways and winding roads during the day, before joining the large student contingency in an evening of drinking, eating and dancing. In doing so you’ll undoubtedly encounter the Lithuanian equivalent to the classic British pork scratching - kepta duona (traditional ‘beer snacks’ of fingers of brown bread

EIGHTEEN

As recommended by Jim

Where?

All shapes and sizes! fried with garlic), which everyone seems to munch on continuously.

One sight not be missed in Lithuania is the ‘Hill of Crosses’ in the central town of Siauliai, which packs a powerful spiritual punch.

Graced with totem poles, statues, and crosses of all shapes and sizes, left by Lithuanians and visitors alike, the site incorporates an intriguing mystical aura.

Also unique to Lithuania is the island sand bar of the Curonian Spit.

Formed by millions of years of weathering, this sliver of land is less than 100km long, and never more than 4km wide. Despite this.hordes of people take the short ferry trip over from the mainland everyday, to spend the weekend or longer enjoying the pristine beaches, and lovely views of the rolling dunes.

When in Latvia, Riga requires at least a few days of your attention, if

not more. The biggest city in the Baltics is very much a city of contrast. By day its marvellous architecture and many museums provide much tourist activity, but by night it offers a wide range of live music, club nights, and entertainment, from excellent live jazz, to err…Russian techno(!)

However, the region is not without its natural beauty. Only a two-hour bus ride from the city lies the Gauja River running through the heart of the sweeping National Park. Hiring a canoe for a few days and paddling downstream, flanked by the rising forests of the valley, is a must for even the most slightly inclined outdoors enthusiast.

The Estonian capital, Tallinn, houses arguably the most beautiful old town; the original walls still in tact to give an enclosed, intimate feeling to life in the heart of the city. However, this attracts larger numbers of Europe-hopping Americans and Australians, not to mention romanticising couples, pushing up the prices of basics like digs and food for the typical backpacker.

More rewarding are the unspoilt and secluded islands that lie off the West coast of the mainland. With stark landscapes and vivid cultures they are well worth the trip. Pack your tent and pitch up anywhere from beside the rugged coastlines, to the outskirts of the intriguing Kaali meteorite crater. Why come to the Baltics eh?

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TRAVEL

Slovenia

Helen Thompson drives us to Slovenia in her ancient van

A

s we trundled through central Europe in our ancient van, Slovenia seemed to be the subject of continual praise from other travellers.

In Zagreb, we heard tales of clearwatered Lake Bled, friends reminisced over Ljubljana's crazy hostels in Budapest, and recommendations of which mountains to hike were passed from traveller to traveller in Dubrovnik. Experience has taught me that fellow backpackers are often more reliable than guide books, so the rumours persuaded us to stay longer than planned in Slovenia, most unduly neglected of Eastern Europe's tourist destinations.

Trapped between Italy and Croatia, Slovenia is a mountainous country that tests the waters of the Adriatic with an extended finger of land. The easiest place to fly into is Ljubljana, the country's 'capital town', as it can barely pass as a city. It's wise to book a night in Celica Hostel as you'll regret it if you miss out - this is not so much a hostel as an entire cultural experience.

Celica is a graffiti-covered converted prison attached to a hippy com-

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

mune where teenage metal heads hang out with ancient stoners. Ask for something strong in the ramshackle bar, and you'll find yourself drinking distilled pine sap while a prophetic old local mumbles the story of his life, and predicts the path of yours. Across the yard, a makeshift club hosts fifties throwback bands that play accordions instead of guitars, while next door people dance to rock and electro.

“

Ljubljana is forgiving to a backpacker with a hangover Luckily, Ljubljana is forgiving to a backpacker with a hangover. There's not much to see, but plenty of riverside cafes serving milkshakes and fresh calamari to those who can't make it up the hill to the mediocre castle. The rumours were right about Ljubljana, but not so accurate about the Alps. Lake Bled was ruined the day a monk decided to strand a monastery on a tiny island in the

middle of the lake, dooming the spot to claustrophobic package-tourism.

Thankfully, the sightseeing hoards are transfixed by this postcard icon, leaving the surrounding countryside for those who want more than threestar hotels and sedate parkland cycle rides. Beyond Bled, we found something close to Alpine perfection in the Bohin valley. It's only a 20minute drive away, but in Bohinj there isn't a prefab hotel in sight, just a campsite amid trees in a quiet cove.

Mountains enclose the dark waters, leaving the valley in solitude.

After attempting to brave the primitively cold lake, we took a wooden boat out and abandoned the oars midway across in favour of watching birds and paragliders in the cloudless sky. At night the temperature plummets, so we wrapped ourselves in all the clothes we had to lie on the beach and watch raw stars cover the sky.

Bohinj was a favourite of Agatha Christie, who found inspiration in thebrooding depths, and thankfully since then it's remained almost untouched by the ravages of tourism.

NINETEEN

FOOD

Seasonal snacks

Joanne Grew gives us some simple and festive recipes to make your Christmas extra special this year

Christmas pudding You will need: l lb of raisins, currants breadcrumbs and brown sugar 8oz Suet 4oz of mixed peel, glace cherries chopped, almonds chopped 1 of grate rind from lemon, orange, carrot and grated apple 1 tbs Flour 1 tsp mixed spice Pinch of salt 6-8 Eggs 10oz stout (bottle) or dark beer (Guiness is good) Mix dry ingredients first then mix with lightly beaten eggs and liquid. Grease the bottom of a bowl large and press mixture into it. Place wax paper over the top and then foil over that, crimping it around the edges to keep firm. Bake for 2 hours with about 2 inches water.

Mulled wine Mulled wine always goes down well this time of year and is a firm favourite. It can be easily made ahead of time and served by the glass when family and friends visit.

You will need: 2 lemons 2 oranges 1 - 750 ml bottle of medium, to full, bodied red wine

Nutmeg Cloves ) 1 oz brandy or Cognac Water (optional softener instead of tea) 4 large cinnamon sticks 4 candy canes

cloves. When it is hot, blend in the sugar or water. Next, pour into glasses and then add the tea.Garnish with cinnamon stick and candy cane.

Cut the lemons and oranges into slices and then pour the red wine into saucepan to heat. Next, add the slices of fruit, brandy, nutmeg and

Mince pies Christmas just wouldn’t be the same without mince pies! You will need: 10oz mincemeat 275g fresh ready-rolled puff pastry A little milk 42 whole blanched almonds 42 cranberries Golden caster sugar, to dust Icing sugar, to serve Unroll the packet of pastry, leaving it on the cellophane, then just cut out 28 2in discs. Next press this into the centre of each disc, into about three-quarters of the way into the pastry.

TWENTY

Eggnog

Use the milk to lightly brush edge of each disc and then pile about a tea spoonful of mincemeat into each disc. Place three almonds on half the mince pies and three cranberries on the rest, then dust the nuts and cranberries with a little caster sugar. Cook in oven for ten minutes, sprinkle with icing sugar to serve.

This festive treat is traditionally used to raise a toast to someone. It is extremely quick and simple to make, and you will need: 2 eggs 3 tbs sugar 1 tsp vanilla 1/8 tsp nutmeg, ground 2 /3 cups milk Blend all ingredients together and serve chilled.

FOOD@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FASHION

The Little Black Dress

Jason Jones explores the power and history behind the legendary LBD

S

earching for that mythical item of clobber that enables you to glide from lecture hall to party at the flick of an accessory? Then, look no further than the old reliable little black dress.

Chanel took these clothes off the streets and

redefined them as fashion Not simply about subtle understatement, the LBD can be the sartorial equivalent of a stick of dynamite. Black has dark qualities that hint at sex and power. For centuries it's been symbolic of menace and death. Throughout history it has signified grief and sorrow.

To the religious it represented godliness and devotion. Yet it's a paradoxical colour, worn by prostitutes and priests alike. No other colour has such chameleon-like, morphing capabilities.

Coco Chanel pioneered the LBD in the Twenties. Her lifelong inspiration was her dislike of luxury and ostentation. The motivation for her designs consistently stayed the same throughout her life: “Nothing makes a woman look older than obvious expensiveness, ornateness,

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

complication. I still dress like I always did, like a schoolgirl.”

Dressing like a schoolgirl might send out other, possibly less sophisticated, signals these days, but the simplicity of her clothes jacked into the zeitgeist of the times. Women were becoming more independent and class barriers were eroding. Chanel's relaxed, unrestricting styles were enthusiastically embraced. For the fashionable cognoscenti, black had been exclusively the colour of mourning. Maids and waitresses wore black. Chanel took these clothes off the streets and redefined them as fashion. Fashion writer Lucie Francois snootily observed: “It gave women great pleasure to play at looking poor without having to be any less elegant.” A friend quipped that Chanel made the whole world wear mourning.

The LBD may have become clichéd but it remains one of our most enduring totems of fashion, primarily because of its purity and the absence of flash. Black has been the pervading palate in fashion throughout the decades and although unflattering to some skin tones it does have many advantages. It's dramatic, sophisticated and slimming. Unlike true colours, which have myriad hues and tones, black is easy to wear. It's erotic, giving the wearer and watcher a certain sexy frisson. It has long been associated with power and injects your body and mind with instant egocrack.

TWENTYONE

FASHION

Some black dresses have made an indelible mark, not only harvesting headlines but also embossing our collective memory Some black dresses have made an indelible mark, not only harvesting headlines but also embossing our collective memory, imbuing the LBD almost iconic status in the process. Anita Ekberg dancing in the Trevi fountain in La Dolce Vita. Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Madonna during her Boy Toy pupation. Cher accepting her Oscar in a barely-there, crazy-camp number. Paula Yates offering up her siliconised décolleté at Michael Hutchence's funeral. And the ultimate PR LBD: Liz Hurley stealing the show at the premiere of Four Weddings and a Funeral in a safety-pinned Versace sheath.

With Christmas just round the corner, it's time to pile on the glamour, so get your self an LBD and turn on that old black magic.

CERYS MATTHEWS: a monochrome rainbow

TWENTYTWO

Calendar launch for 80 years of the LBD S4C celebrated the 80th anniversary of the little black dress last week in their series Cwpwrdd Dillad, shown Wednesdays at 9pm. The programme featured a behind the scenes look at the making of a new calendar featuring a host of Welsh celebrities such as ex-Catatonia singer Cerys Matthews and GMTV presenter Fiona Phillips; all of who were wearing, rather unsurprisingly, little black dresses.

The calendar is available by emailing calander@fflic.com and costs £8, the proceeds of which go to Autism Cymru.

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FASHION

How to wear your LBD If its a more glammed-up classic look that you’re after, make like Miss Golightly and pile on the jewels.

As black is such a flattering colour, don’t be afraid to play with this season’s volumous shapes.

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

To give the look a modern twist keep accessories to a minimum and let the dress do the talking.

Try a cheeky flash of colour, like a fabulous pair of statement coloured shoes.

Luckily enough black goes with everything!

TWENTYTHREE

GAY

S N O C I GAY

rdiff’s gay a C s k s a d n a ts the stree Quench takes to ir favourite gay icons the MADONNA community for

Q

uite simply the Queen - The Queen of Pop; The Queen of Controversy; The Queen of Reinvention. The most successful female artist of all time, with a career spanning 23 years.

Madge has had more number one hits then you can shake a six foot, Swarovksi crystal crucifix at! From those early eighties-tastic Madonna days, to her fabulous ghetto-blaster humping return to disco glory in the noughties, Lady Madonna has kept it cool, controversial, and queer, with her tongue firmly wedged in her cheek . Her most recent offering Confessions on a Dancefloor takes Madonna back to her dance roots with Hung Up and Jump boasting some of the best gay dance anthems of her career.

Madonna has done it all; putting her own brand of 'star quality’ on so many genres and styles; from gothic goddess to rough and ready cowgirl; disco diva in a leotard to dirty dominatrix in very little at all.

Constantly reinventing herself and constantly pushing the boundaries, Madonna has instituted herself as the Ultimate Gay Icon. The woman is a hop, skip and a strap-on away from being a lesbian herself.

And of course, don’t forget this is the Material girl who gave the world Vogue, popularising the biggest, gayest dance craze. Madonna also has a knack, like her gay fan base for pissing off religious groups with her sexual exploits and button pushing (easy now...), most recently by hopping onto a crucifix dressed up as Jesus in her recent Confessions Tour. She is what she is and does what she does despite all the scrutiny – and for this we salute you!

SIR IAN MCKELLAN

It goes without saying that Sir Ian McKellan is one of the greatest gay icons of recent times. His roles in almost every blockbuster of the last six or so years have branded him as a truly exceptional character actor. He has given life to The Lord of The Rings’ Gandalf as well as that mean old bastard Magneto. What’s more he also had a huge role in this summers Euro Pride event. Leg End.

SCISSOR SISTERS Scissor Sisters have done wonders for gay music and its reputation. Their bright, camp and catchy self titled debut was nothing short of incredible and the second offering Ta Dah proved their song writing ability as well as their longevity. The Scissor Sisters come in to their own in their live shows. Their incredible stage prescence and energy leaves everyone who attends a gig in a state of amazement that takes a good while to recover from. And who could forget the world’s greatest ‘fag-hag’ Ana Matronic... she deserves iconic status in her own right

TWENTYFOUR

GAY@GAIRRHYDD.COM

GAY

GIRLS ALOUD

D

id you misspend your teenage years worshipping Girls Aloud? Of course you did. Why the fascination? Well, it’s because they’re all secretly gay men – which one are you?

Sarah is the complete slagbucket who weekly chants ‘No, seriously, this time I won’t ditch you to pull a random, I promise,’ Nadine is the jammy bitch that’s managed to wangle herself a stunner even though she’s got nothing much going on for herself other than a wide jaw and manageable gag reflex.

Kimberley is always caught with her crotch straddling the lens of a camera as she gets out of the car – there’s always one.

Cheryl’s akin to a bit of a scrap now and then; eye gouging, hair pulling, grabtwist-pull, whatever, not one to be crossed after a double Archers and lemonade.

And then there’s Nicola… well we all keep someone ugly close by for a little self-esteem boost, don’t we?

ALAN CUMMING Alan Cumming is quite frankly incredible.

Any one who features in the classic Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion ballroom dancing to Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Time After Time’ deserves recognition.

Alan also became everyone’s favourite German teleporting mutant in X2. And who could forget his range of mens beauty products? The fragrance I’m Cumming and the body lotion Cumming All Over anyone?

And then there are those who didn’t quite make the grade...

Will Young: The gay man the straight ladies love and the homosexuals hate.

Ellen “Degenerate”: Your not big or clever and you dont deserve Portia de Rossi.

SUSAN “SUSEBIAN” KENNEDY

I

s there anyone in the world who doesn’t fancy Susan Kennedy?!

Susebian has been entertaining us on Neighbours for years now, and I don’t care what anyone says, she IS gay and therefore is a gay icon more than worthy of Quench.

Susebian’s kindness, humour, and “rad hair” have touched many lesbians across the globe (well in Britain, anyway). No one can ignore the strange appeal of this middle aged doctor’s wife with a fondness for cardigans, Lynn Scully and slipping on milk. And who could forget the infamous tattoo conspiracy? Are her long sleeves actually covering an armful of sapphic imagery? We love you Susan, never change.

GAY@GAIRRHYDD.COM

George Michael: For telling the world that shagging in the bushes with randoms whilst in a relationship is normal for gay men.

Shabaz: Oh dear God... The less said the better.

TWENTYFIVE

FEATURES

My Chess Obse Starting a society takes time, effort, and a dodgy acronym. Vince Ryan, from the society formerly known as Students’ Union Chess Club Of Cardiff, tells all...

I

t’s difficult to remember exactly when the Chess Society began. But I like to think the wheels were set in motion back when I was 10 or 11 years old and my dad originally taught me how to play the game.

He quickly got bored of beating me, though, and soon bought me an electronic chess set to keep me occupied. It was also a Christmas present, so well done dad: two birds with one stone! After this killed my initial interest in chess, I didn’t play again much for the next 8 years or so.

My rediscovery of chess happened the summer before university, when I was travelling round Europe with a couple of friends. Old men playing in parks in Romania seemed to live for it, and they were also all frighteningly good! But in my first year of university, chess faded into the background once more, as alcohol induced amusement became the order of the day.

It wasn’t until ‘drinking chess’ fused the two concepts that I remembered I liked chess again. And one of my flatmates in Talybont, who would become my housemate in the second year, was a bit of a dab hand at chess.

Incidentally, he had been asked to play for England at around the same time that I was getting beaten by an electronic chess set.

TWENTYSIX

A group of friends on my course showed a certain amount of enthusiasm for the idea of a chess society when the idea was first mooted.

And by getting just twenty of their signatures together before the end of summer term, I had started a society for myself to run in the third year.

My original budget application outlined the necessity of everything from chess clocks to training tops and came in at an ambitious £1000. Needless to say, I didn’t get quite as much money as I’d asked for; but there was enough to buy chess sets to play with, and a little bit left over for the other expenses of running a society. Most of which come under printing costs for freshers’ fair!

After signing up a lot of new members, the society was ready to go. Our first chess tournament in The Social in Cathays was a success in terms of numbers; however, it over-ran into the following week because I hadn’t quite factored in the amount of time that chess games can go on for!

Continuing to hold events in the Social proved difficult, however, since it needed to be arranged with the manager each week and, more often than not, it wasn’t possible to use facilities because of big sporting events being shown on their televisions.

Luckily, I’d signed up one very helpful and enthusiastic member called Lorraine Cavanagh, who works as University Chaplain in the Chaplaincy on Park Place. She was more than happy for us to make use of her comfortable and conveniently placed building to play chess in each week; so this became our regular meeting place.

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FEATURES

ession Society We met most Sunday evenings from 6pm until 8pm at 61 park place last year and continue to do so until this very day.

Maintaining attendance proved to be the biggest challenge last year. Towards the end of each term numbers always dropped. Things were worse still coming up to the end of the academic year, since with exams taking priority over chess, many people (including me!) failed to turn up for weeks at a time.

To make a society successful, a certain amount of commitment is required. Other useful qualities include organisational skills and the ability to delegate. Unfortunately, delegation is not something that I can claim to be terribly good at. I’m also not that organised or committed.

Having a Secretary and a Treasurer is great, but unless you know what they’re meant to do yourself, it’s unlikely that they’re going to work it out on their own. I ended up doing pretty much everything myself last year, but perhaps this is a result of being a little too possessive of the society. I think it’s quite important to let others contribute ideas and also to allow them to share the workload!

I was worried, going into the fourth year of my course, that with a lot of my third year friends leaving, it could spell the end for Chess in Cardiff University. However, an even bigger intake at the Societies’ Fair this year, and the signing up of members keen to take over the club in the future, seems to have ensured the continuation of the Chess Society.

Who would have thought that from its humble beginnings as the rather long-windedly titled Students’ Union Chess Club Of Cardiff (or SUCCOC for short), I could have had so large a part in creating the now much less ridiculously named ‘Chess Society’.

Continuing with our internal Chess League and meeting and playing with other Chess Clubs in and beyond Cardiff are the main aims of this year. By achieving these aims and by continuing to build up its membership, maybe we will grow into one of the larger, more credible and longstanding societies of Cardiff University.

So, to summarise, when Buddha said ‘Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it’, I think he was probably talking about setting up Chess Societies

I tried to arrange a less alcohol-centred social: a cinema trip... one person came Our Socials last year consisted of pub crawls mostly, which either ended up at House Parties or the Union. This year, I foolishly tried to arrange a less alcohol-centred social by going on a cinema trip together… one person came.

In fact, getting the chess society together for anything beyond chess has always proved pretty challenging. Even the time that we hired out Capesso (before the lovely little place closed) and got dressed up as chess pieces, we could have had a better turn out.

Just two castles, three knights, some pawns, a King, a Queen and some idiot dressed as a chess board turned up. Then again, we’ve always had a fun night, regardless of how many or how few have come along!

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TWENTYSEVEN

FEATURES

Don’t Talk T

The government’s drugs information camp and uninformed - and they may be doing m

I

laughed at a guy falling off a building, and I don’t even feel bad about it. Granted, it was only an advert: the new “don’t behave like a tool when you’re drunk” advert, to be precise, in which some youngster, during an evening of heroic drinking, manages to misjudge his ability to balance, and hurts himself Very Badly Indeed.

And I wasn’t laughing at his accident anyway – schadenfreude doesn’t really work when it’s not real – but the sheer fatuity of the advert.

In trying to warn young drinkers of the dangers of the loss of judgement that comes with alcohol, they’ve forgotten that when your judgement’s impaired it’s harder to judge how much your judgement’s impaired. So for some people, falling three storeys and mashing your face into the concrete below might well be inevitable.

But it’s symptomatic of a deeper, more serious malaise; of lessons from the prior campaigns unheeded it’s as though the Government has a collective learning disability.

Even now, the drug information programme, Talk to Frank, carries on exactly as it did before, only with more money. This despite a report on Channel Four earlier in the year claiming that overall figures of teenage drug use were unchanged since the campaign began in 2003.

This year, the budget is up by half to a whopping £9m because of the special emphasis on the evil weed.

The mixed message of downgrading marijuana to class C, implying it’s harmless, and then stressing that it’s actually brain-meltingly dangerous through an expensive and flashy campaign (despite no recorded overdoses and only tenuous links to mental health problems, and solvents are easily available and kill every year) could be forgiven if it wasn’t done in such an achingly

TWENTYEIGHT

“

Bruno, Lam

Falling three storeys and mashing your face into the concrete below might well be inevitable childish way.

If you haven’t seen it, the latest advert features a young lad’s trip to a Brain Shop, in which a slightly seedy salesman tries to sell him a replacement for his own drug-addled grey matter. The message is clear: don’t smoke drugs, kids, or you’ll fuck up your brain!!!

It’s incongruous with the campaign’s stated aim. Emily Watts from Fishburn Hedges, the PR Agency that manages Talk to Frank on behalf of the Government, says, “Frank’s trying to be an older brother who’s been round the block a bit, trying to give non-prejudiced advice.”

Non-prejudiced advice my eye.

Veteran drug law reform activist Johnny Void (whose own excoriation of the Frank campaign can be found on http://johnnyvoid.blogspot.com) describes it as, “More misinformed

Patronising? and highly stylised anti-drugs propaganda following a noble tradition which dates back to Reefer Madness.”

Like this, from a game on the website, The Dope Dash: “What are they doing out in daylight? How did they get the motivation to get off the sofa? None of that matters right now. Just avoid them or you'll get stoned yourself and suffer a fate worse than double maths.” Worse than double maths? Oh no!

They may have got the age of their target audience right – 68% of those

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FEATURES

To FRANK

paign is flashy and expensive, patronising more harm than good, says Chris White

mpard, Donnie Darko Bunny, Butcher, Sinatra: probably more use than FRANK

“

The language used is more dad-tryingto-be-hip ... it’s outright patronising contacting the campaign are under 16 – but the language used is either more dad-trying-to-be-hip (“The Arctic Monkeys are groovy”) than older brother, or it’s outright patronising. And that’s a Bad Thing.

Those trying so hard to shill this anti-drugs message might’ve known it’s a Bad Thing had they bothered to do any research into the psychology of persuasion. When I asked three different Government departments and then Fishburn Hedges agency what their persuasion research was, the most intelligent answer I received was “You what?”.

All it would’ve taken is a couple of phone calls to a psychologist. Dr Matt Crawford of Bristol University says, “If a persuasive appeal is viewed as patronising, it’s just not going to work – it’ll be ignored, or potentially for some people have a boomerang effect and do the oppo-

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

site of what they’re intending.”

There you go: it’s risky, this persuasion business. The same is true even when the message isn’t construed as patronising. If you try to convince someone of something that’s in their “sphere of rejection”, then at best they’ll ignore you, and at worst their pre-existing attitude will be strongly reinforced. (I often experience this reading Polly Toynbee’s columns in the Guardian.)

Better then, on the whole, to give out complete and accurate information on drugs’ effects in a neutral tone, and let The Kids decide for themselves, as they falsely claim to be doing. But if they absolutely must try and convince people not to take drugs, what’s the best way?

“Fear, as long as it’s not too much fear, can be quite persuasive,” says Dr Crawford. He’s thinking of the latest drink-driving adverts, in which the potential consequences are quite graphically portrayed, and the STIprevention adverts – nobody likes green discharge.

It’s surprising, then, that the methods of commercial product advertising (for that’s all this really is: advertising), which more often than not suggest that without a particular product you won’t get sex, aren’t

more common.

This was actually briefly tried in an effort to curb binge drinking in NorthEast England. The adverts implied that incoherently drunk men aren’t very attractive (and they may have had a point). They were rapidly withdrawn after they were deemed offensive to women.

This is still only tackling effects rather than causes. Cardiff’s Education and Welfare Officer Kate Monaghan points out that, “If more research was done into why people used drugs/had unprotected sex in the first place, the need for campaigns such as this would be greatly decreased.”

She’s nearly right. Much of the research is there, such as for her reference to unprotected sex. A study by Ronaldo Valdisseri in 1989 showed that the negative association of condoms and reduced sexual pleasure is linked to their not being used, for both men and women, yet the NHS’s sex health website still only goes as far as “Be safe: use a condom”, sans suggestions for better safe sex. The research already exists; what’s lacking is the will to employ it.

And if you want to model the advice on the lines of “an older brother who’s been round the block a bit”, maybe it’s an idea to employ a few people who have actually been round the block a bit, and not just besuited civil servants or that callcentre favourite: automata incapable, by talent or by instruction, of anything other than reading from a computer screen.

For now, The Kids might be better off getting their information from an actual big brother – their own or a friend’s – who’s experienced whatever it is they want to know about.

Better than talking to Frank. Frank hasn’t got a clue.

TWENTYNINE

REVIEWS

IN REVIEWS THIS WEEK

■ Books take us through their favourite titles of 2006 ■ Film go East to check out the cartoons taking over the movies ■ Music look at the year that was and the year that will be ■ Arts get all festive ■ Digital go Wii

bat that Franco’s Spain is not a happy place, and that this is not our standard fairy tale gubbins.

Ofelia’s stepfather, the sadistic Captain Vidal (López), elucidates every trait of pure villainy characteristic of any larger-than-life fairy story antagonist, except for the vital point that he cannot be expelled by turning the lights on. His fearsome presence is something far more tangible to us.

By delving into a world of fantasy, whether real or imagined, Ofelia learns not only to cope, but to hope, with the post-Civil War misery taking place around her.

As for the titular faun himself (who, curiously enough, is not actually called Pan), prolific suit performer and actor Doug Jones has created a marvel. Previously having played the merman Abe Sapien in del Toro’s Hellboy, Jones manages to turn movement into poetry beneath layers of heavy prosthesis. Similarly, his other performance, as the nightmare-inducing Pale Man is equally incredible, providing one of the film’s standout moments while also displaying the director’s firm grasp of the horror genre.

The overall aesthetic is pure del Toro, featuring his trademark usage of insects, Catholic imagery and a dark but colourful

Revie of thew week PAN’S LABYRINTH Dir: Guillermo del Toro Starring: Ivana Baquero, Sergi López, Maribel Verdú, Doug Jones Out Now, 118 mins

P

an’s Labyrinth is a masterpiece, a film with so much room for interpretation it demands repeat viewings. Details and nuances gleamed over by the initial sense of awe can be discovered beneath the surface; the symbolism behind the amazing creatures young Ofelia (Baquero) encounters slowly unravelled.

It is a matter of opinion as to exactly how to describe del Toro’s opus, but if summary is a necessity then it could be said that Pan’s Labyrinth is conflict through the eyes of an innocent. We learn right off the

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

cinematographic palate.

Pan’s Labyrinth is a rarity in that it manages to balance its often beautiful visual effects and opulent art direction with performance and plot, never allowing its often visceral Goya-esque visuals to overshadow the story. Pan’s Labyrinth deserves to be remembered. Comparisons to Burton are surely forthcoming, but Burton has failed to produce a work of such majesty for several years. If reduced to providing a snappy, DVDcover style soundbite, the film could be called a European Edward Scissorhands, in that it deserves every success of that film in producing a modern fantasy for a more acutely aware audience.

It is an art film for all intents and purpose, with its innovative writer/director now having turned down the lucrative offer of two Harry Potter films and Halo in preference of more personal projects. We can only hope that this passion is maintained in the future, because in Pan’s Labyrinth del Toro has produced one of the most memorable films of this decade.

Ewen Hosie

By delving into a world of fantasy, whether real or imagined, Ofelia learns not only to cope, but to hope with the post-Civil War misery taking place around her THIRTYONE

BOOKS

Quench’s

Books of the Year On Beauty Zadie Smith

O

n Beauty explores the dark problems of two families, the Belseys and the Kipps.

A Series of Unfortnate Events: The End Lemony Snicket

T

he ultimate instalment in the unhappy chronicles of the Baudelaire orphans is the aptly titled: The End. This adventure - arguably even more preposterous than previous episodes - sees the return of

T

The Guardian Year 2006 Ed. Katharine Viner

his miscellany charts the most important and interesting stories as reported by The Guardian over the period September 2005- September 2006.

Comprising of news reports, opinion pieces, arts criticism, sports commentary and photography, this

THIRTYTWO

Combining high ideals with the low morals of the father figures, Smith explores the personal and professional lives of the families in an uncertain age. Smith has the rare ability to express herself clearly and honestly and combined with her strength of storytelling, On Beauty is an honourable follow up to her previous novels.

Avalyn Beare

some old friends, such as Kit and the Incredibly Deadly Viper, but regrettably accompanied by some old fiends, such as Count Olaf. Despite resolving some long-pondered mysteries, the story presents us with just as many new puzzles that are left disappointingly unanswered.

However, Snicket-fans will be accustomed to this digressive style; and anyone who has accompanied the Baudelaires since their Bad Beginning could not be so cruel or incurious as to abandon them until the end of The End. Roseanna Eastoe

impressive collection is a remarkable and often thought provoking look back at this past year. Every significant event and topic is charted here, from England’s Ashes victory to England’s World Cup shambles, from the struggles in Iraq and Afghanistan to racial and religious tensions on our own streets, from face transplants to gay marriage, from Rooney’s red card to Zidane’s head-butt, and more trivial subjects such as the pros and cons of squeezy Marmite and a 22 point essay on why Stuart Jeffries is

The Cardiff Trilogy John Williams

T

he Cardiff Trilogy is an collection of John Williams’ three novels set in Cardiff which delve into the shady and dangerous side of our capital. The three novels, ‘Five Pubs, Two Bars and a Nightclub’, ‘Cardiff Dead’ and ‘The Prince of Wales’ are full of short interlinking stories and recurring characters set in the shadow of Cardiff’s landmarks.

Williams uses familiar settings such as the Hayes, Bute Street and Chippy Alley to provide the backdrop to a Cardiff brimming with drug dealers, prostitutes and Islamic Extremists. These are darkly funny, gritty urban noirs which construct Cardiff as a character itself. This collection is perfect for anyone who loves sinister urban tales and indeed anyone who, like myself, loves this city. Tom Williams

“Proud to be a Brummie”.

NEW Demonstrating E R LEASE fine journalism and opinion writing and equally accomplished photo-journalism scattered through the book on glossy inserts, this collection is released just in time for the Christmas hardback market and provides a comprehensive retrospective on the year that we have recently observed. 8/10 Tom Williams

BOOKS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

BOOKS This year has been another corker for Books. Here are a few of our favourties, maybe they will give you some prezzie ideas

NEW RELEASE

Flawed Angel John Fuller

S

et in a fictional Middle Eastern kingdom, where the king rules for a maximum of 21 years and the national sport consists of wrestling a headless goat.

Fuller’s novel is an exotic tale of deceit, intrigue and tradition

The Accidental Ali Smith

T

he Accidental’s combination of beautiful language and insightful narrative makes this one of the books of the year.

Following the life of the Stuart family in a small holiday village, Smith explores the cracks in family relationships and identity that appear, unnoticed over time.

Using the mysterious Amber to draw the inner thoughts from each family member, Smith creates a wonderful and exciting read.

Avalyn Beare

BOOKS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

which surrounds the ruling family.

The plot is simplistic; it follows three generations of the past, present, and future king and the challenges they face through each stage of life. It centres itself on the tranquillity of everyday court life until its unexpected interruption.

Entwined in this tale are the arrival of French soldiers from Napoleon’s army and the concealed banishment of the rightful heir to the throne because of a hideous deformity. This highlights the underlying struggle of the ruling class and within this provokes the dominant question of our obli-

A Long Way Down Nick Hornby

S

et on a rooftop on New Year’s Eve, in Hornby’s funniest and most touching novel to date,

The Kite Runner Khaled Hosseini

T

he Kite Runner claims to be the first English-language Afghan novel, if it is, it sets an extremely high standard for the rest.

The novel fictionalises the Afghani

gation towards morality or duty.

The real strength of this novel however is the dreamlike narrative which emphasises the magic of this isolated kingdom. Fuller enlightens this bizarre tale further by using poetry within prose and in verses to express the hidden thoughts and feelings of its central characters.

This in turn makes the characters very accessible and endearing to the reader.

This easy to read tale is filled with wit and does not fail to be both entertaining and highly original.

8/10 Sophia Littledale four strangers meet with only one thing in common; they all want to jump.

However, over cold pizza the disparate group of Martin the disgraced TV presenter, Maureen the single mum, Jess the wild child, and JJ the American rocker, begin to form a bond and wonder whether this new found friendship is enough to justify stepping back from the edge.

Emily Khan culture, showing the struggle of ordinary people in a devastated country.

Hosseini illustrates the culture through a brother-like relationship of two young boys, Amir and Hassan, who are growing up in Kabul in the seventies. Their relationship however is multi-faceted; it is also one of master and servant, and cowardice and bravery.

A horrific event occurs and their lives and relationship are altered dramatically, perhaps irreparably. This novel provides an extremely intense and gripping read.

Sophia Littledale

THIRTYTHREE

FILM F I L M

N E W S

film@gairrhydd

By Ewen Hosie Film Editor

R IRON MAN: He’s so money

THE IRON MAN COMETH

Best known to audiences as the neurotic but lovable Mikey from Swingers, Jon Favreau is also a pretty decent director, being responsible for the lensing duties of Elf and Zathura.

He know turns his keen fanboy eye to the Marvel adaptation of Iron Man, scheduled for a 2008 release.

The image above is a concept teaser designed by Iron Man artist Adi Granov, and gives a good idea as to the film’s design direction. Most excitingly, casting for the film has begun to leak through. Ol’ Shellhead himself will be portrayed by the awesome Robert Downey Jr. in a moment of off-kilter casting (Tom Cruise had been worryingly optioned as a potential candidate).

NO PROMISES

The most expensive Chinese film of all time with a budget approaching US $42 million, Wu Ji (aka Master of the Crimson Armour aka The Promise) has been poorly received

by Chinese audiences but is due for release soon in the UK. Visually reminiscent of Zhang Yimou pictures such as Hero or House of Flying Daggers (lots of billowing garbs, huge expanses, bombastic musical score), The Promise features huge special effects, elaborate costumes and fight scenes reminiscent of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The plot however is completely bonkers and domestic audiences were apparently lefft laughing at its pseudophilosophical musings. Still looks good though.

M ORE

Incredibly suave, undeniably charming, a little bit dangerous and appealing to guys and girls both. He knows how to handle his weapons, he can spin a good yarn at parties.

Good taste in clothes too.

James Bond

See above, reverse everything.

L ESS James Blunt

On DVD: Nacho Libre ! Superman Returns ! Snakes on a Plane ! Manhattan: Special Edition In cinemas: ! Casino Royale ! Pan’s Labyrinth ! Jackass Number Two ! Hollywoodland ! The Prestige

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ight, haven’t written one of these for a while, give me a moment to get into the swing of things.

I’ve been spending far too much time in the Quench office tonight on Youtube and as a result haven’t spent near enough time contemplating my editorial.

Among the doozies I discovered for perusal the aforementioned site have included Assault on Precinct 13...with Cats, scenes from Commando set to Ode to Joy, clips of evil demon hentai anime Urutsukodoji: Legend of the Overfiend (for purposes of researching my feature...obviously) and a heavy metal montage of video featuring clips from the insanely violent Riki-oh. Also found a short ‘art’ film directed by some college kid called My Hands Are Bananas. It does what it says on the tin, search Nandrews on Youtube.com for more information. I made Myspace friends with him for a while but he didn’t respond.

Heaven knows why that might have been... loser.

Coming soon...

Designed to get you sweating at the mere thought of their arrival: Control (2007) Black and white biopic detailing the tragic life of Joy Division lead singer Ian Curtis, who died aged 23 in 1980. Direction duties are handled by stylish music video director and photographer Anton Corbijn.

Cadaver II: The Return of the Cadaver (tbc) The second part of a trilogy by Blackburn filmmaker Ryan Owen, written this time by the poetic Si Truss and starring Ewen Hosie as a vengeful ex-victim who leads an army from beyond the grave.

Think Michael Bay meets Fellini.

THIRTYFIVE

FILM GHOST IN THE SHELL: Motoko Kusanagi

Kawaii!

COWBOY BEBOP: Spike Spiegel

Ever since Spirited Away won the Oscar for best animated feature, people have taken anime seriously.

Several directors of the art form are notable in establishing specific styles of their own and Ewen Hosie presents his choice of the heavyweights...

Shinichiro Watanabe

Watanabe’s first big break came during the epic Robotech reboot Macross Plus in 1994, but only did his distinctive style come into sharp focus with Cowboy Bebop, a 1998 TV series that followed the adventures of a ramshackle intergalactic bounty hunter crew. The memorable characters included stylish Jeet Kune-Do expert Spike Spiegel, genius 12-year-

THIRTYSIX

old girl hacker Ed, an acutely intelligent Welsh Corgi named Ein, ex-cop Jet Black and professional thief Faye Valentine. Noted for its distinctive visual style that found just the right balance of realism and gonzo-style theatrics, and an amazing Yoko Kanno soundtrack, blending diverse musical styles such as jazz, metal and swing. Watanabe’s most recent project Samurai Champloo expounds this mix of eclectic musical styles in

an unusual setting, blending hip-hop and rap with a samurai setting.

Best works: Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo

Satoshi Kon If Miyazaki is the Kurosawa of anime, then Satoshi Kon is its David Lynch. His animes manage to question the nature of human sanity, and

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FILM Hayao Miyazaki Often called ‘the Japanese Disney’, a title he apparently derides, Miyazaki is the current big hitter of Japanese animation. A more apt comparison might cite him as ‘the Kurosawa of anime’ as his directorial projects under the famed Studio Ghibli all deal with epic themes of ecology versus industrialisation, man versus nature and reality versus fantasy. This is most apparent in his recent masterworks, the one-two punch of Princess Mononoke (1997) and Spirited Away (2002), which went on to win the first Oscar for a Japanese animation..

Best works: The Castle of Cogliostro, Laputa: Castle in the Sky, Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away

IRON MAN: He’s so money often include mind-bending plot twists or insidious characters that are never what they seem. This is most evident in his Paranoia Agent, a 13-part anime detailing the connections between several protagonists who are all connected through a ghostly adolescent named Shounen Bat (aka Li’l Slugger) who attacks them at random. His trademark aesthetics include crisp, carefully constructed shots and he often takes a scathing satirical bent against commercialisation.

Best works: Paranoia Agent, Perfect Blue, Tokyo Godfathers

Mamoru Oshii Mamoru Oshii inspired the Wachowski brothers work on The Matrix with his most own Ghost in the Shell, released in 1995. The film followed the exploits of Section 9 android agents Motoko Kusanagi and Batou. Its incendiary combination of cyberpunk visuals and an acutely observed script about the Descartian principles of what it is to be human led to huge critical praise. It was also one of the first animes to successfully blend CGI with traditional cell animation, a process later perfected by Oshii on the equally fantastic sequel Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence.

Glossary of Terms Anime: The Japanese word for animation, used in the West to refer specifically to Japanese animation.

Hentai: Refers to abnormality or perversion, often used in reference to sexually explicit anime.

Kawaii: Japanese for cute or cool Studio Ghibli: Responsible for the most successful animes of all, headed by the likes of Hayao Miyazaki.

COGLIOSTRO: Lupin III

Otaku: Japanese word for an obsessive fan. Used in the West to refer to fans of anime specifically.

Best works: Patlabor 2, Ghost in the Shell, Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence NINJA SCROLL: Shinkuro PARANOIA AGENT: Maromi

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THIRTYSEVEN

FILM

From the moment I gazed on this twitching nervous man, obviously not happy in his own skin I had found a mentor s a fourteen-year-old boy in a

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New York Stories With the re-release of his 1979 masterpiece Manhattan, Will Hitchins tells us just why he loves Woody Allen so much

THIRTYEIGHT

comfortable well-balanced middle class household and performing fine at school I found myself in quite a predicament.

One day it occurred to me that I wasn't really anything particularly. “I want to belong somewhere I thought, "I'd like a niche to fit into.” I wasn't relaxed enough to be a skater, besides I didn't have the clothes, and had a deficit in sporting ability (although skill with a board was of course irrelevant to being part of the scene). I didn't like wearing black and had no taste for metal music, so joining the fraternity of Goths who "hung" by the local fountain was out, and I wasn't even intelligent enough to be the academic, but cool for that reason, child. This situation very much worried me; I even affected a limp and wore a green trilby for a short time hoping people would recognize me as “that loser who wears the green trilby”. However, the solution to my problem would come from a most unlikely source. The source in question being a middle aged, New York bound, neurotic, Jewish comedian by the name of Allen Stewart Konigsberg, more commonly known as Woody Allen. I remember the first time I watched his 1977 masterpiece Annie Hall, and it is the only time I have felt love at first sight. From the moment I gazed on this twitching nervous man, obviously not happy in his own skin, I had found a mentor, (even if it was one I have never met.) From that day on I found my purpose, my niche, my raison d'etre: to be a neurotic Jewish comedian with low selfesteem and unashamed cowardess.

I was half way there already.

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM Even if you weren't aware of it at the time the chances are you've seen one of his films, and since 1976 he's released a steady average of one a year. He is the archetypal Jewish comedian, self-abasing, neurotic and perfect at the Catskills one liners ("Don't knock masturbation, its sex with someone I love") but to me it's the emotional insight and ultimate tragedy of his films that makes him the perfect filmmaker.

This month sees the special edition DVD release of his 1979 masterpiece Manhattan. Now masterpiece is not a word to be bandied around but if it belongs to any film, this is one of them. From Allen’s trademark titles (white lettering over a black background, with Jazz music floating through the speakers) to the final credits the film doesn’t fall at a single hurdle.

“

A middle aged New York bound neurotic Jewish comedian by the name of Allen Stewart Konigsberg Essentially Manhattan is a romantic comedy but it is a world away from the Love Actually's and She's All Thats of the world, and with it Woody set a benchmark of the genre to which no other directors have yet come close. Like a large amount of Allen's work it centres on the man himself playing a neurotic, unstable writer and his various relationships with members of the opposite sex (who are invariably beautiful, clever and elegant). The actress in question here is the main muse of Mr Konigsberg's early years, Diane Keaton playing Mary Wilkie an intellectually confident but ultimately hugely

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insecure women Isaac meets through his best friend. Whom incidentally, at the same time, she is having an affair with. This is another feature of Allen's films: sure as night follows day someone, somewhere in the movie will be cheating on their spouse, (if you know anything about his personal life the expression life imitating art seems particularly fitting). Unlike lesser directors of the genre Allen makes no effort to hide the flaws of his main characters but tells their mistakes and worries and tragedy with delicacy and patience.

There are no heroes in Manhattan, no judging of anyone, people fall in love, have affairs, throw away opportunities and hurt the ones they love and often to not come out clean in the end. All Woody Allen films are ultimately ones of tragedy, It’s an old used and battered saying but we really do laugh to hide the pain, to quote Annie Hall (or is it Groucho Marx) “I wouldn't want to be in a club which would have anyone like me as a member.”

Five Woody Allen films to watch: Manhattan (see above) Sweet and Low Down. Sean Penn plays 1920s Jazz guitarist Emit Ray, forever in the shadow of the legendary Django Rhinehart. This film is so spectacular because it reflects the director’s passion for pre 1950 Jazz music and contains perhaps the finest performance of Mr Penn’s career.

Annie Hall. Perhaps the most loved of his films and the only one for which he has won a directing Oscar, Annie Hall is indicative of his early work. Semi-autobiographical it tells of his relationship with Diane Keaton, and to my mind is a more truthful look at a relationship than any other film in the history of cinema.

Crimes and Misdemeanours.

Similar in plot arc to last years Match Point, this film dwells on themes of redemption, punishments and guilt. The love interest in this one is his second major muse and sometime off-screen partner, Mia Farrow.

Love and Death. Set in Russia during the Napoleonic invasion, there’s not really any depth to this one, simply out and out comedy with obvious comparisons to Woody’s hero, Groucho Marx.

Things Woody has said: “I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland”

“I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia” “If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil.

But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever”

THIRTYNINE

FILM CASINO ROYALE Dir: Martin Campbell Starring: Daniel Craig, Eva Green Out Now, 144 mins

Falling to his knees and clutching his bleeding, bullet torn spleen, yet another namesless henchman falls, deceased, to the dust. Across the globe unplanned pregnancy rates for beautiful women rise and insurance premiums for mildly disfigured nutters go through the roof. It can only mean one thing...

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nless you've been living in a cave for the past few weeks, you’re unlikely to have escaped the media hype surrounding Casino Royale.

The latest in a long line of Bond films features a new 007, Daniel Craig, and is bursting at the seams with gritty action.

Fears over the casting of the new Bond can be laid to rest. With an ego as prominent as his physique, Daniel Craig is just as convincing as the legendary Sean Connery. A coldhearted nature with the faintest hint of a conscience - Bond's new image is perfectly fitting.

The 21st Bond film kicks off (quite literally) in Prague after a grainy, black and white prologue the film dives headfirst into a breathless chase where Bond single-handedly wages war against a busy Madagascan construction site.

From Africa, Bond takes his tuxedo to the Bahamas where he tails Dimitrios, an international arms dealer, to Miami airport. Without wanting to spoil the plot, the next ten minutes are fantastic and will keep even hardened action fans on their seat edge with pulses racing.

We are first introduced to Vesper Lynd (Eva Green) while Bond is traveling via train to Montenegro. Lynd is a well educated accountant who proves to be an even match for the pleasantly arrogant Bond. The introduction is well crafted and the strong sexual undercurrent is very clever. At first Lynd maintains a professional distance from Bond, but, as time passes she loses her hard shell and

FORTY

CASINO ROYALE: Who’s for strip poker? slowly opens up to reveal a rather naive character.

At Casino Royale in Montenegro, Bond is tasked with bankrupting international money launderer Le Chiffre. Blind in one eye, Chiffre sheds tears of blood when under pressure making for a truly unique game of cards.

Previous Bond films, The World Is Not Enough and Die Another Day were both criticized for relying too heavily on computer effects and high tech gadgets.

The production company behind the Bond franchise, EON, promised to tackle Casino Royale "the old fashioned way," and instead of invisible cars and x-ray glasses we get unrelenting grit, sweat and blood.

That's not to say the action suffers, far from it. From gruelling fights atop sky high cranes to a car crash in an Austin Martin that set a Guinness World Record. The film is full to the brim with energy but also has the stamina to keep the immersive storyline flowing start to finish.

Critics may complain that the film is 'dangerously long', they may slate the 'dodgy' soundtrack or pick holes in the plot. But ultimately, the minor negatives fail to detract from what is an involving, faced paced film that compliments the Bond legacy in almost every way.

Casino Royale doesn't only push the envelope - it pushes the door down; obliterating boundaries and setting a standard that future action films will find hard to compete with.

If you only see one film this Christmas, make it Casino Royale.

Matt Horwood

JACKASS NUMBER 2 Dir: Jeff Tremaine Starring: Jonny Knoxville et al.

Out Now, 95 mins

Just like Jackass 1. You know, men doing things that look like they hurt like fuck.

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ears stream, howls commence and sides ache with an intensity that you wish would stop but you know can’t, because you’re perpetrating such pain with the violence of your own laughter.

Some may consider the events which unfold in this film to be brash, ridiculous, unnecessary or simply unfunny. Ignore these people.

Jackass Number Two is symbolic, earth-shatteringly wonderful cinema.

In creating a succession of increasingly painful guffawery (a word that should be invented for this film), without the need for a plot or exposition of any kind, Jeff Tremaine and his crew have created a work without any fat on it to chew over.

Best of all, within the first five minutes of Jackass Number Two a man is bitten on his penis by a snake. The only other film I know which did this recently was Snakes on a Plane, and it was at least 45 minutes before any snake-penis interaction took place in that. Genius stuff. Ewen Hosie

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM BIG NOTHING Dir: Jean Baptiste Andrea Starring: David Schwimmer, Simon Pegg, Alice Eve

THE PRESTIGE Dir: Christopher Nolan Starring: Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Scarlet Johanson

Out Now, 86 mins

Out Now, 128 mins

For Charlie Wood (Schwimmer) and Gus Dickinson (Pegg) things go from bad to worse when they plan to blackmail a preist is overheard by a fast talking call girl (Eve).

Jackman and Bale play rival magicians in a film that twist and turns around flashbacks from the pairs past. Plus it’s got Michael Caine and David Bowie in it.

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ith a French director, American actors and a story set in Canada but filmed in South Wales you could be forgiven for being just a little skeptical of Big Nothing.

However, based around the life of Charlie Wood (David Schwimmer) this is the darkest of comedies with more grim laughs than you could shake a stick at.

Schwimmer puts on a sound performance; distancing himself from his image as a nerdy fossil fiddler and, as grotesque as the plot is, you can still sympathize with him as a guy caught way out of his depth but with the best of intentions at heart.

The cinematography by Richard Greatrex is excellent. Contorted camera angles and lighting that is dark and shadowy, perfectly compliments the corrupt characters.

Split screen and animated sections add to the underlying comic book feel of the film and the sound track is just great (although it probably won't appeal to all.)

Fortunately, director Jean-Baptiste Andrea, keeps the laughs flowing throughout, managing to string a fantastically warped comedy from what can only be described as the most ludicrous of plots.

Lasting just 86 minutes, Big Nothing is a refreshing, fast paced comedy with more twists than a snake with stomach cramp. While unlikely to leave a lasting impression the dark and often tense humour will keep you laughing throughout - if you can stomach it that is.

Matt Horwood

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

hen your track-record reads as impeccably as Christopher Nolan’s, then each new release is anticipated with an almost unrivalled furore.

Memento, Batman Begins and the under-appreciated Insomnia are all stunning examples of powerful modern cinema and thankfully The Prestige is no different.

Lead actors Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale have an unnerving chemistry that adds an intense edge to the limited screen time that they share together. Roles are reversed, character personalities and back-stories unravel in front of your eyes, leaving the audience constantly unsure about who to support in this magical rivalry.

What’s most refreshing is that neither of the characters are entirely likable (a great testament to the performances of Jackman and Bale) and it’s for the audience to decide who to like, rather than being dictated to (as is the case with the much Hollywood fodder).

Bale, demonstrating the intense mystique he brought to the Batman costume is impressive as fledgling magician Alfred Borden, complete with faux-Cockney accent, occasionally sounding like a market-scene extra from Eastenders.

As for authentic Cockney accents, none is more recognisable than Lord Michael Caine (if he isn’t a lord yet, he damn well should be), for here Mr Caine does what Mr Caine does in every movie – he’s charming, warm and funny as the inspirational magical guru caught in the middle of Borden and Angier’s hatred.

THE PRESTIGE: Magic However, it’s Hugh Jackman who is the true star giving a career turn as Robert Angier.

Anybody familiar with Nolan’s career will know that he is not a director that simply tells the story at hand; he relishes in creating elaborate riddles allowing the audience to decipher the narrative as the film progresses.

Here, reunited with his writer brother Jonathan Nolan, the story is told through flash-backs, as the duelling magicians each read the others diaries in the search of each others secrets.

Like always the story see-saws back and forth deliberately disorientating the audience, making you work hard for what you have faith will be a rewarding resolution, and it doesn’t disappoint. Climaxing in a scintillating closing act that would be no less impressive if you had guessed the superb twist.

Surprisingly, The Prestige owes as much to the science-fiction genre as it does to the expected theme of the Victorian murder-mystery, which sheds light on the baffling futuristic promotional posters. However, not content with just two genres as reference points it also includes an obvious gothic edge as it sometimes feels like you’re watching a classic Hammer horror, The Prestige is a beautiful and often disturbing movie of revenge and retribution, love and hate, and deep seated hatred that draws upon many conflicting elements and styles to somehow emerge as a masterful cinematic achievement.

Ashley James

FORTYONE

dvds

FILM

Bateman’s best SNAKES ON A PLANE Out Now olitical subtext typical of Antonioni, Snakes mixes the elegance of Tarkovsky with an aesthetic a la Apocolypse Now while juxtaposing the innocence of Truffaut over a Peckinpah-esque visceral backdrop but still manages to maintain a realism that Leigh and Loach could only dream of.

The acting is bar none, the best in cinema history.

In particular, Snakes features a protagonist reminiscent of Ben Kingsley’s Gandhi, most evident when Samuel L. Jackson’s Neville Flynn bellows “Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”

If you thought Gary Busey Is The Gingerdead Man was the best film ever made, then think again.

Snakes On A Plane is even better than Neighbours.

Ryan Owen

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re-release MANHATTAN: SPECIAL EDITION Out Now s we’ve already expended two pages of this issue on a feature on this Woody Allen gem, it seems rather redundant to review it here.

Essentially, all you need to know is that on the whole Woody Allen DVDs come with fudge all special features (a single trailer if you’re lucky.) So, if you’re already a fan, this rare opportunity for a glimpse into the mind of everyones favourite hypochondriac isn’t one to be missed.

Si Truss

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new releases

NACHO LIBRE Out Now acho Libre, Jared Hess’ follow up to the surprise hit that was Napoleon Dynamite may not quite have the sublime brilliance of its predecessor, but it’s still pretty damn funny.

Within the unreliable career of Jack Black, who dons tight spandex for the lead role, this stands confidently up with his funniest work.

In fact, Black’s purposely ridiculous Mexican accent is enough to keep the laughs going alone.

Aesthetic wise it looks great; Hess’ typically minimalist style captures the bizarre world of the luchadore perfectly.

For a comedy it may be a little slow paced for some and at the end of the day it’s no Nappy D, but still it would be criminal to ignore.

Si Truss

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FORTYTWO

SNAKES ON A PLANE: Sporks

new releases SUPERMAN RETURNS Out Now ook, up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is this an incredibly clichéd way to start a Superman review?

No, it’s a catastrophic blue disappointment landing with a graceless thud; a painfully laboured romance with an alien in tights that, if you don’t blink too much, features glimpses of excitement.

That’s Kate Bosworth from Blue Crush playing Lois Lane. She’s meant to have a six-year old kid and a Pulitzer Prize, even though she looks about 19 years old. Actually, Parker Posey would make a pretty convincing Lois Lane…oh wait, she’s already playing Lex Luthor’s woman, that’s some wonderful casting going on there. Kevin Spacey tries his best as the villainous Lex Luthor. At one point Superman gets stabbed with Kryptonite and Kumar from Harold and Kumar gets this excited look on his face like he just found a White Castle. That’s probably the standout scene.

There’s a bit with a plane about 30 minutes in that’s pretty good, for a brief moment it actually reminds you that you’re watching Superman, and not just a 200-million dollar episode of The Adventures of Lois and Clark. Christ, did Empire really give this shit five stars?

Ewen Hosie

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FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC

The BandCovered Wagon in Familiarity. Again Will gets angry at another Libertines cover.

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’m prone to exaggeration. It’s perhaps the one thing that defines me more than any other. However I try to tone it down when writing, not wanting to give a grossly unfair review to a deserving/undeserving group of young scallywags.

Equally, I think its important not to deify certain artists, music is far too subjective to tell people what to like, who is cool, what is cool. Can you see where i’m going here kids? Normally i refrain from crticising the NME, it’s time consuming and utterly pointless (like fitting wheels to a tomato), however, this week came the final straw.

I arrived at the office to be greeted by another NME Libertines front cover, Carl Barat’s come to bed eyes staring up at me with that cheeky “it won’t hurt...that much” look on his face.

I don’t really have an opinion on the Libertines, they have some nice sing along numbers but the God like, Apolline status that the NME have imposed upon them makes me perhaps more angry than any other thing in the world.

No band deserves to be loved unconditionally, not The Beatles, not Status Quo and certainly not the Libertines. WH

The Rock for Sale

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oo much work does funny things to you. It makes you do things like join Facebook, iron your tea towels and do random searches on Google for your friends to find that they lead double lives as a brain surgeon in New-Zealand.

One such search, however, did lead to something vaguely interesting and useful: www.sellaband.com.

Other than sounding like a third rate broadband company,

QUENCH LOVES LOCAL FUTURE OF THE LEFT/KONG/ TRUCKERS OF HUSK Clwb Ifor Bach 24th Nov

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ar plugs seem to be swiftly becoming an acceptable fashion accessory. This is partly due to bills like this one. Local newcomers and tonight’s openers, Truckers Of Husk start things of with a crisp and bright form of largely instrumental (“math”, if you will) rock showcasing some virtuoso guitar skills and awesome tandem drumming.

Up next, Kong (feat. the drummer

Sellaband.com is an fascinating website that allows fans of up and coming new bands to promote their top–tip for chart success, and make a profit while they’re at it.

Fans search for their favourite unsigned band and if they like them a lot, can chose to buy a “part” of that band for $10 a piece. If the band make $50,000 then the website will provide the band with a chance to record a CD, of which the tracks will be made available for free download and the profit split three ways. JA from Oceansize) bring a politically incorrect edge to proceedings with genuinely unsettling facemasks matching their genuinely unsettling slabs of noise. Bonus marks for perfectly executed synchronised tempo changes.

Currently one of Cardiff’s best kept secrets, Future of the Left, take the stage with a swagger and the room by storm. Entertaining crowd banter aside the songs (including forthcoming single The Lord Hates a Coward) are huge, heavy slices of fuzzed up exercises in tightly controlled chaos. As Kelson marches off the stage and straight through the crowd and into the night, one can only assume he has gone to check the swiftly rising price of his shares in earprotectionforall.com and rub his hands with glee. Graf Middleton PHOTO: MATT HORWOOD

Thought of the week...

NEWS IN BRIEF: Both Xfm and Kerrang have launched bids for the FM regional radio licence for South Wales as recently announced by Ofcom. Xfm have teamed up with the Pop Factory and local Buzz Magazine are supporting Kerrang. Either way it would be great news for the increasingly exciting and vibrant local music scene.

Snoop Dogg releases The Blue Carpet Treatment. I love Snoop Dogg, he has a tunefull voice and talks about all the things I wish my life contained. Bitches, guns, weed and more fucking Bitches. Please, I implore you, listen to Vato ft. B “Cypruss hill” Real.

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FUTURE OF THE LEFT: Humid

Check out..

LA film-maker Kate McCabe has released an epic visual experience of the Californian Desert, backed by music from Brant Bjork (of Kyuss and Fu Manchu fame) called Sabbia.

FORTYTHREE

MUSIC OASIS Stop the Clocks

We’ve got an extra special treat this week, as it’s not just one, but twenty-goddamn-two artists in the local section this issue. Twisted by Design put together some of the best South Wales has to offer. Enjoy.

(See page 50 for more).

VARIOUS This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The 22 Of Us

Big Brother

Break the CD players

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t’s not a Greatest Hits, it’s a Best Of, chosen by Noel, checked by the other lads and called Stop the Twisted By Design Clocks.

Can’t argue with that then, Noel Hell yes. chose them so it isn’t the record label knocking together what they ith its shit-that's-the-onlythink will sell the most. It’s a pretty time-I've-ever-heard-thatsound list covering the whole 14 played-at-an-indie-discoyears, or however long they’ve been before brilliance, Twisted By Design is something of a legendary club night and, unboastingly, Cardiff's DAMIEN RICE amiable, musical control centre. A 9 humble cubby-hole which houses 14th Floor the whispered fellowship and hushed camaraderie of many of the city's most creative ears.

This document (chronicle, watermark?) of a representative gang of or Lisa Hannigan? those artists, therefore is extremely special. It's most striking asset?

That every single track sounds differt’s been a whole undergraduate ent, an honourable testament to the degree since Damien Rice fact Cardiff's musical familyship isn't released the multi-platinum O. His based on the sharpness of its hairneighbours must’ve been thinking, cut or its love of Refused records to paraphrase Tom Waits, ‘what the but honest fret, sweat and finger hell is he doing in there? work.

Well, by the sounds of it, not too Much of it is outstanding; the much. Forget Rice’s popularity with ramshackle bounce of Attack + 30-something couply dullards, O was Defend, deafening caress of Last a revelation. So good in fact that he Partisan, wry Iggy-ness of Gindrinker, could get away with sssh-ing people mechanical thud of Kings Of Convenience, affecting twinkle of Silence At Sea, smirking grin of GLIMMERS Murder By Television, Eels-esque Fabriclive.31 wink of Little My – Stop! and breathe Fabric in… – there's the junk-pop of Red City, murderous twirling of Hornby Pylons, pink-indie passion of Spencer McGarry, heart-bursting clatter of Los Campesinos!, unhinged On yer feet son. Get dancing. howl of Threatmantics, weather-beaten drawl of The Wave Pictures, tonking glare of The Loves… and still or those who think knitting is a there's another eight worthy tracks. past time reserved for the mad Sulky reality is perhaps that some and the incontinent, Flemish people/bands will leave this drizzly duo The Glimmers might come as a capital in the near future, but with perky patchwork shock. Because hope stumbling out into the wonky like fellow chocolate scoffers 2 moonlight of Womandy Street with a Many DJ's and Goose this is their half finished pint, steamy glasses, forte - refining the Tarantino(ian) art salty laces and a Brains-stained of shoplifting everyone else's best toothy smile will always remain. bargains and crafting something 9/10 Greg Cochrane superior.

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FORTYFOUR

squabbling for.

Two CDs in a nice little box with a meaty booklet and a DVD. Everyone will have their favorites, and in some cases they may have been left off (there’s no sign of Magic Pie, what’s that all about?).

The bulk of their ‘top’ songs are in there though; from Supersonic to Lyla and from Some Might Say to Talk Tonight. The name Stop the Clocks refers to a sort of moment in time when their careers are just sort of…you know… sort of.

Or in the words of Liam “If I can fooking understand it then so can rest of the fooking country, now go and fooking buy it and stop asking questions you fooking Coonts.”

7/10 Harold Shiel at gigs for the crime of, gosh, singing along.

But 9 (presumably he’s not a fan of syllables) is everything that O was criticised for. It’s wet, soppy and without passion. The Animals Were Gone sounds like third-rate Art Garfunkel and as for Dogs, with its “girl who does yoga line”... yuk.

It's not all bad though, 9 Crimes is a worthy duet between Rice and Lisa Hannigan (who really deserves more credit) but most of the album follows a formula of quiet-y, angry, loud, voice distortion, quiet-y, loud, angry loud, quiet. It worked once, perhaps he should have left it there.

Oh, and the ‘secret track’ at the end consists of one continuous high note. What a twat.

5/10 Will Dean Like, for example when the pieces of Roxy Music's Same Old Scene fizz in beating matrimony or when a completely re-funked Dance Me In (featuring a brooding sample from frowning bar-room rockers Sons And Daughters) wheels seamlessly into the back (of all people) Freddie Mercury, effortlessly and without a criminal record.

Adding an international flavour, even LCD Soundsystem and musique forefather Pierre Henry get madeover and their hands trusted skyward as if their party chromosomes have just exploded .

College-dance then; to '06 what techno was (briefly) to (a weekend in August) 1997. Euphoric.

7/10 Greg Cochrane

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC SOWETO KINCH A Day in the life of B19 Dune

About 24 hours or so

I Soweto: Easy Rider

UT

Griller Blast First/Mute

Udders are Tits

W

QUENCH GOES T O THE MOVIES

hat an odd CD. An almost unknown band with a strange name and an album that was released in 1989 and due for reissue this year.

After further investigation, this was a leading figure in the ‘no wave’ scene. Don’t ask me what the

A

soundtrack without filler tracks is a hard thing to find, however Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet soundtrack has a valid claim to this description.

The album contains a fantastic selection of tracks to guide the listener through the sweeping range of the film's moods and emotions. It takes you from the laddish excitement of Everclear’s Local God, to the spine-tingling romance in Des'ree's Kissing You; and from the hard, angry bitterness of Mundy's To You I bestow' to the tragic poignancy of Radiohead's classic Talk Show Host.

The album effectively uses a

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

t’s 1996: Through the grey tower blocks and pebble dash houses of Birmingham’s clouded outskirts floats the sweet sound of a young Soweto Kinch blowing his horn and practicing to one day be a great saxophonist.

Those days are now long gone and with A day in the Life B19: Tales of the Tower Block (part 1)( Soweto has not only established his place as one of the most creative young hell ‘no – wave’ is, but if it’s bands who write tuneless and messy songs with some warbling vocals over the top then I really don’t get it.

Apparently this all female band gathered good reviews in their heyday, but I can’t see them being based on anything other than their quirky appeal to an even quirkier scene. Musically they sound like a bad pub band with the sound all wrong and out of tune. Give my fouryear-old nephew a guitar and he’d be able to produce a better noise. It’s also just really weird, and not the good kind of weird. 1/10 Josie Allchin snatch of the film's dialogue as a voice-over at the beginning of Whatever (I had a dream), achieving an unexpectedly successful fusion of the Butthole Surfers and Shakespeare. This fusion perhaps shows the secret of the soundtrack’s success. It brings contemporary youth culture to Shakespeare's classic story making it more accessible and relevant to the audiences of today.

The alternative pop-rock soundtrack draws out and enhances the emotions of the story allowing young audiences to recognise themselves and identify their own emotions in the film's teenage characters. Characters who have perhaps, in previous stage and film adaptations of the play, been too far removed from young audiences to be emotionally effective.

Emily Khan

British jazz artists but also as a superior rapper to rival the bad boys of the UK hip hop scene.

The album is a big departure from his Mercury nominated debut, Conversations with the Unseen, with the emphasis just a much on hip-hop as on ‘standard’ jazz numbers.

These two styles intertwine with Soweto and other cats rapping over his soaring alto lines and hooks, with lyrics dwelling on rap battles outside Jazz cafes, as oppose to ‘breaking mother fucker’s necks’.

Indeed. But this new found love of rap doesn’t overshadow what makes Soweto so astounding; his nigh in perfect Sax playing. The tone of Mr Kinch is second to none and his supeior playing acts as an unercurrent to the album. Roll on part two.

8/10 Skip James

BLUE OCTOBER Foiled Universal Like Autumn, but colder

T

his is the fifth album from Texan moderate rockers Blue October, (the first four passed me by too).

Lead singer Justin Furstenfield has apparently been in therapy since he was 14, so make of that what you will, (cough hypochondriac cough).

Their sound, for those of you who require comparison, is the product of what the bastard son of Death Cab for Cutie and Disturbed would sound like if it was brought up in the jungle, in a Mogli style, by The Dave Matthews Band.

Does that lead to some sort of incredible sonic hybrid?

Not really. There are moments of beauty, She’s my Ride Home and Hate me provide melodic verses accompanied by powerful choruses.

Let it Go, Congratulations and 18th Floor Balcony show that Blue October can exercise their melodic muscles too.

Unfortunately a lack of subtlety in trying to deliver their overly serious message eventually just gets annoying.

7/10 Ben Jones

FORTYFIVE

MUSIC

ve live live live live live live live live live live live live liv

T

he dramatic red theatre-esque surroundings of London’s Koko is a perfectly apt venue for Greg Dulli and his Twilight Singers to perform their mellow but powerful musings.

The Twilight Singers take to the stage after a Jeff Klien opening and begin with a couple of numbers from the recent Powder Burns LP, an album that dominates tonight’s set.

The sharp contradictions of the mellow and the frantic offer a sublime power to these songs. But the best was yet to come.

As Dulli picks the first note of Massive Attack’s Come Live With Me, Mark Lanegan strolls silently on. He holds his usual motionless pose as the song beautifully morphs into the infamous Where did you Sleep Last Night. Lanegan also lends himself to the new Flashback and his own masterpiece I’ll Take Care of You. And he leaves as he entered, without a word or smile. The set climaxes with There’s been an Accident and Dulli’s power is on full display.

“I’m on my knees for you Koko” he wails as the music crashes around him. He may look like a poodle, but he sounds like a rottweiler. Mike Richards

TASTE OF CHAOS CIA November 12

O

n their last tour-date Taste Of Chaos, a combination of sensational punk rock and emo-rock bands, brought Anti-flag, Taking Back Sunday, Thursday, Underoath, Saosin, Alexisonfire, Senses Fail and Parkway Drive to the CIA. The evening started off with warm up acts, such as Saosin, which were not really convincing.

Then came ‘the big guys’. From Underoath on there was more response from the audience, and

He may look like a poodle but he sounds like a rottweiler Twilight Singers

CAPDOWN

Barfly November 2

I

walk down the famous Barfly steps with my black hood up, loosely rolled cigerette in my mouth, (roach, no filter) and already the place is undulating. I have to crawl through various sizes of ear tunnels, and step over the numerous eight-year-old stowaways to get somewhere near the sweaty, highly anticipational front row of degenerate fans.

FORTYSIX

the music was heavier and more powerful.

The crowd went crazy as Anti-flag, the political punk rockers from Pittsburgh, took to the stage to perform a variety of classic songs and tracks from their new album For Blood and Empire. They encouraged the biggest audience participation of the night encouraging the crowd to form the biggest circle of death of the tour and asking everyone in the audience to shake hands and chant to their powerful political rants to deliver a peaceful message. They also participated in a number of other acts, with their bassist, Chris Barker, joining Underoath and Taking Back Sunday to create several special and unique performances.

Natalia Popova PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

`TWILIGHT SINGERS Koko, London November 23rd

Capdown: trousershorts Capdown’s new single, Keeping up Apperances isn't out until the 4th of december, but everyone knows the words. The hype and anticipation finally explodes into a psychotic frenzy of arms and legs everywhere, orchestrated perfectly by Jake Simms, his charisma belting through as forceful as his well-harnessed vocal action.

Soon breaks out an epidemic of contagious 2-step skanking anthems. After over 10 years of performing, the band have matured in a way that would make brie blush.

With their clarity and unity evergrowing, they manage to retain their old

fans in an enduring state of nostalgia, (or is that just the weed?) whilst consuming so, so many new ones with every song.

The end of the night draws, and Ska Wars begins. The crazy accelerated saxaphone opening rings clear through the air, and oh dear God. So many body fluids circulating, through pure provocation. Blood, sweat, tears, and well, yeah.

The ska/punk kings have dyed in the wool that their upcoming album 'Wind up toys', will be as funfilled as the rest of their back catalouge, and thats saying something.

Henry Cann

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC

e live live live live live live live live live live live live liv rent single Hold Me In The River, to the blissed out Beatific Vision, The DANCE OFF! Point provides near perfect BR AK ES The Point November 28

H PHOTO: SAM FORD

i how are you?!” screams Brakes’ Eamon Hamilton in a bombastic five second welcome rock out. Personally I was fine, and hopeful that the eclectic sound of second album The Beatific Visions could be combined with the live energy of Eamon’s former band British Sea Power. I was not to be left disappointed.

From the pop fantasticism of cur-

acoustics plus its usual oh so special atmosphere. Brakes’ exemplify their range with the punk hilarity of Porcupine vs. Pineapple (heralded by a pineapple being clumsily thrown into the crowd), and the highly political Cheney, eight cathartic seconds urging Dick Cheney to stop being such a dick.

With the encore comes a cover of Johnny Cash classic Jackson as well as a solo song by Eamon. Brakes describe themselves first and foremost as a live band, on this evening’s showing it’s blindingly obvious why. Guy Ferneyhough

Radio Soulwax takeover weekend November 3 abric is quite simply an experience and one that needs to be had. Like a rabbit warren crammed full of hip young party animals ravenous for the next slice of face-melting, ground-rumbling, trouser-splitting bass.

As with many of the legendry clubs of the world its reputation precedes it...imaginations run wild, but in reality it’s a labyrinth of wonderfully grimy underground caves.

Soulwax skip from indie Niteversions to 2ManyDJ’s swagger as each zing, wham-bam-bam and boiink resonates off the brick walls causing sweat droplets to lose their grip. The heart tries to escape its ribbed cage as bass rips though it.

But my gosh these kids are on something, they must be. I’m a lame 20-something that only lasts till 4am. Next time...more sugar. Sofie Jenkinson

F

Vs.

SEAL CLUB CLUBBING CLUB/ ALI LOVE Barfly November 16

A

n understated entrance to the stage belied Ali Love’s sheer force of sexfunk that he was about to release over, what I must say were, a criminally apathetic audience.

Set-opener Post Modern Blues seemed to suggest a troubadouresque set, but as soon as his alarmingly good backing band joined him on stage, the true Ali Love shone through. His Beck cum Chic loveboogie seemed to tap into everyone’s inner lothario and even made me, the worst of the worst dad dancers, throw some sexually questionable

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Cream’s 14th Birthday

SCCC: Male models shapes on the dancefloor. This made an almost entirely flawless set, the only problem I can possibly find is that their, albeit very polite, drummer owes me a cigarette.

However, the night took a massive nosedive after Ali Love because The Seal Cub Clubbing Club are the most ridiculously average Arcade Fire/Every generic indie band rip-off I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. From their oh-so-hardcore posturing, to their feedback-heavy forgettable ‘songs’, the lead singers incessant yelping only confirmed every prejudice I have against indie bands with ‘comedy’ names. In short, they are awful. So bloody awful, in fact, that it makes me pray for tinnitus. And I don’t pray for tinnitus lightly. Ben Marshall

Liverpool November 2006

T

he excitement had been mounting all day. We were going to experience a three hour live set by Tiesto himself. The reality was a little different. The place was the busiest I have seen anything ever. We had heard that they had over-sold the tickets and our fears were confirmed.

Tiesto did send out some amazing mixes and the lights/green laser things were fantastic. We managed to get ourselves into a comfortable corner and fully enjoy his set. But for £30 a ticket I think next time I will reconsider such a busy event.

Maybe I’m getting too old!!

Niamh Matthews

FORTYSEVEN

MUSIC

ngles singles singles singles singles singles singl THE HOURS Ali In The Jungle

THE HOLD STEADY

Ali in the Jungle hurts. Never has a song been so distinctly uninteresting that it makes me want to kill people.

It’s repetitive, self-indulgent and just plain boring. The B-sides suck too. The sleeve however, a Damien Hirst job, is really cool. 3/10 MB

If you had a bowl of ice cream, you wouldn’t cover it in gravy because the two don’t go together. For The Hold Steady, the vocals don’t go with the music. I’m not sure why. He sounds like the singer of the Toy Story theme tunes. Maybe that’s why. 6/10 TPS

Polydor

THE NOISETTES Don’t Give Up Mercury

Both bluesy and raw, the Noisettes have a comfortingly familiar yet individual sound. With jazz- inspired vocal lines and an energetic thrusting guitar riff, this bass-less trio certainly know the formula for great pop-rock. 9/10 LC

MUSE Knights of Cydonia Fiction

It appears Muse have turned their backs on the whole verse/chorus precedent - instead opting for a recitative in a rock opera. This exhibits Muse's superior musicianship with its climax and fancy guitars, but would be more appropriate as part of a larger composition.

7/10 RP

12 Baked & bladdered

The FUN way to fill your fortnight...

15

FRIDAY

Fionn Regan at Clwb Ifor bach [happy little folk-er. doors at 7:30pm]

19

TUESDAY

Viva Machine at Clwb Ifor Bach [plus three special guests]

FORTYEIGHT

Full Time Hobby

Faster Than A Dead Horse this track certainly is - but not by much.

Starting promisingly in true harmonyladen pop/rock style, it quickly disappoints. The furious guitar solo is far too lengthy and unfortunately this horse fails to really get going at all.

5/10 EB

FRANK TURNER Vital Signs

LILY ALLEN Littlest Things

Ex – Million Dead singer looks for new life and seems to find it in an acoustic/folk solo outfit. Nice vocals, nice melodies, nice lyrics and general all round niceness. And that’s it really, not bad but not outstanding. Just nice. 6/10 JA

I didn’t have much of an opinion on miss My space before now but i like this song. Its sweet and has a nice melody, making me feel happy and sad at the same time. I cry a little when I hear it and want to sit inside and drink hot ribena. 8/10 WH

Xtra Mile

Parlophone

HICKS MILLIGAN-PROPHECY Monkey See, Monkey Lifestyle

I WAS A CUB SCOUT Pink Squares

This is one for the kids of the 80s.

Despite the melodic synths in the background, there’s something darker going on in the careless, sexiness of the lead vocals. It’s bound to be a dance floor killer and I’m sure Mr. DJ at Barfly already has his ear on it.

9/10 GC

Thick velvety vocals drip onto crisp guitar riffs and world clattering drums, drawing many a Death Cab For Cutie comparison.

The fabulously catchy chorus is the pithy piece of grit around which this simply gorgeous pearl forms.

9/10 SJ

Atomicduster

TUESDAY

Flood of Red at The Barfly [slip into your tight jeans and gel that side-parting]

16

VIVA VOICE Faster Than a Dead Horse

Mr Chips Vagrant

SATURDAY

Bogiez at The Point [a night of rock and me tal and all things great]

13

WEDNESDAY

Mi Casa es su Casa at Cafe Jazz [steamy latino wonderment for all]

17

SUNDAY

Raging Speedhorn at Barfly [furious metal to put you in the mood for a fight]

20WEDNESDAY 21 The Sex Pistols Experience at Barfly [yup. You guessed it. God Save the Queen]

Abeano

THURSDAY

Cookie Puss (DJ Moneyshot, Killer Tomato, DJ Jaffa, Paul B) at Buffalo [hip-fuckin g-hop]

14

THURSDAY

Akoustik Anarkhy Christmas Party at Buffalo [All levels of literacy welcome]

18

MONDAY

The Jazz Attic at Cafe Jazz [come and play along with the house band. Singers or any Instrumentalists welcome]

22

FRIDAY

Mostly Autumn at The Point [Celtic ‘atmosphere rokers’. For those who like drugs]

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC MUSICAL METROPOLIS

SHEFFIELD

F

ar from the days of industrial depression, the Sheffield music scene has buzzed throughout 2005/06 and is only set to get bigger.

If you are unfamiliar with Britain, Sheffield is in the north, shadowed somewhat by the ballsy-er cities of Manchester and Leeds. Sheffield has for many years spawned some of Britain’s most influential groups with assertive politicised lyrics and inventive genre twisting.

It can’t have escaped anyone’s notice that Arctic Monkeys bothered a whole plethora of ears this year, but whilst they are off to conquer the States here are a few bands to salivate over, and others to dust off and give a spin to fall in love with the steel city all over again…

PULP

Even with an early Peel session, in 1981, Pulp consistently remained on the brink of obscurity from their conception in 1978 (Jarvis only 15!) until their rise into the charts during

the 90s. Their big break came in the form of ‘Common People’ 1995, which to this day is a pop gem to be reckoned with.… And Jarvis is also the guy who dared to bare in disgust at Michael Jackson, top bloke.

THE HUMAN LEAGUE

A trio of synthesising pioneers who took Sheffield into the future of musical invention, dragging the rest of the UK with them. Their biggest single was Don’t You Want Me, unfortunately now more aligned with Taf Karaoke than dancefloor filling.

THE LONG BLONDES

Sheffield’s finest in the current context of fashionista meets cynical making a living from it...! I'm the luckiest man alive.

Behind the music...

Toby L WHAT DO YOU DO? Firstly, there's 'rockfeedback tv' on MTV2 and Channel 4, a bastardised and enthusiastic, 'behind the scenes' doco-style half-hour of debauchery and amazing bands. Then there's Transgressive Records - a lovedup, DIY mish-mash of a 'classic' label (apparently), it's an enthralling outlet for contributing to music's heritage, and we're lucky to work with an incredible basis of musical genii.

WHY DO YOU DO IT? Because there is nothing more rewarding or exciting than being involved with the most wonderful of things out there - music - on an everyday basis and SOMEHOW

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

YOU GET STARTED? Work experience at Xfm when I was 16; interviewing industry figures at 14, learning the ropes and meeting people, taking opportunities, being a lucky git by being in 'the right place at the right time'... Working as hard as I could to develop rockfeedback.com as a competitively decent music webzine every night after coming home from school... going to gigs endlessly, befriending (or attempting to!) my heroes / amazing new artists out there, it's just developed naturally.

WHAT’S THE BEST GIG YOU’VE PUT ON? When we did a Transgressive allnighter at Fabric, that was great fun and is being repeated around the country under the ‘Transgressive Roadshow' moniker - they’ve been legendary.

Or maybe Regina Spektor at the

songsmithery. They take many of their cues from the articulate Mr Cocker, but have the alluring Kate Jackson in his place. The music is preoccupied with the foibles of young girls and boys, expectations and seduction, fairly reminiscent of northern brethren The Smiths.

MONKEY SWALLOWS THE UNIVERSE

Largely associated with the Long Blondes through the Sheffield Phonographic Corporation, if they can escape their twee box with a name like that, both intriguing and downright ridiculous, then they may be the new monkeys on the block.

Emily Kendrik Basement Club - who we later released on. She was awe-inspiring, and sold so many CDs that night to people that'd never heard her music before that night. Or The Libertines at our club - it was very special. They played for two and a half hours and I had to drag them offstage because they wouldn't stop! Pete was thrilled to receive £50.00 as payment at the end of the night! They were at their best then, the week 'Time For Heroes' came out.

WHAT’S YOUR CURRENT OR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE RECORD? I couldn't say - music is the best it's ever been, and I'd hate to state names/titles now only to regrettably miss some of the vital ones being produced currently, and to discount the classic ones of the past, without which, we'd be culturally vapid and lost. Lame answer, but it's too taxing to be committal; it changes by the day.

FORTYNINE

MUSIC This town ain’t

big enough for the 22 of us

To launch the new Cardiff bands compilation Clwb Ifor Bach teamed up with Twisted By Design to host 8 of the bands/ Sunday, November 26

FIFTY

PHOTOS: JAMES PEROU

C

lwb Ifor back regularly holds greatness between its thighs, but tonight it's different, because tonight this greatness belongs to us. Everybody here tonight has a different opinion of each band, a different favourite and a different moment to nip out for the next beer. Which is what makes this night, this CD and this very concept a rip-roaring idea and a great success.

While the world, or the media at least, have been busy cooing over gruff voiced teenagers with angular hair cuts and all the hardcore punk to emo-tinged rock that South Wales could muster, an army has been forming. Oh yes the gang mentality is definitely still alive and well down these allies, a club given refugee by Gary's travelling do-it-yourself indie disco Twisted By Design; obscure band tshirts, ripped cords, converse and scarves are optional if not common.

In an animal-coated scene comparable only to Animals of Farthing Wood, Little My, among many of the members from the twee regiment of bands, took to the well-trodden stage.

From crossed legged pandas clutching guitars to a singing cat, strung with stunning vocal chords, Little My placed a hand on each and every shoulder in the room and whispered: look at how great music can be!

Stray borders have many fans in this place. Rightly so, it's spine creakingly wonderful post-rock for the most part. A little formulaic in the song writing field but the kind of potential most would swap their homemade tshirts for. It is possible, however, that a well-placed clean-as-a-whistle vocal would only serve to enhance an already spirit shaking experience.

Threatmantics are confusing. Like a very exciting ceilidh being forcefully squashed through the eyeballs of a Smiths fan. The deeply shaded colours of despair and mystery seep in from the corners, spinning a merry dance of intrigue along the way. One of the most accomplished and challenging acts in the context of their difficult sound; welsh language verses and an unusual set up of instrumen-

LITTLE MY & FRIENDS: No badgers? tation included.

The Loves are like a great big surprise party in the middle of a tumultuous evening; a brightly coloured all singing all dancing parade of throw back rock’n’roll. Their stage presence is both cohesive and exciting, much like the collage of a child genius, their lengthy experience apparent in crystallised singles and moments. Quite simply, much like them, a spirit lifting knees of grandiose proportions.

Gindrinker add to the sideways attempt of Threatmantics to haul each and every face down to the grey, rain splattered reality of a Cardiff pavement. Tales of obscure and murky shaded inner logic cut through with the hollering rejoice of Jim Bowen only serves to create the most pleasantly curious experience you may have enjoyed since a wobbly tooth. It usually takes a while, but like olives, after a while most agree that Gindrinker are pure genius.

Possessing some of the more accomplished and extensive song writings amongst this throng of shiny young things are The Wave Pictures.

Song after song that relies on nothing more than the passion buried deep in every one of their gleaming pupils, each deeply filled, threading intelligently simple lyrics between their timeless nuggets of curious pop. As with most bands of such wordy nature the crux of the matter leans upon the central vocal carried on whispery guitar flecks dancing through the air There's a notable distinction, for the most part, throughout this marathon of an evening, and that is between bands that are so wildly and fabulously off-kilter that they are a pleasure to stumble across and those

that could easily be packaged as the next slice of popularity. Attack + Defend are most definitely the latter.

It's all seems a bit easy, a mish mash of music gone by. This is exactly what some ears want to hear. With owl merchandise and plenty of scope to let the myriad of flavours they bring to the table settle, there may be a time when this seems less messy Los Campesinos! never fail to deliver a set which whips inner thoughts into a frenzy of undisputable joy, one prick of a vein here would unveil dangerously high levels of happiness. The feeling that occurs on seeing this band for the first, fourth, and tenth time is as consistent as the free wall charts given out in British newspapers; couldn't you just burst? Gareth Campesinos! has an indisputable talent in the field of singing at quite pace: can you imagine a world where he had risen to fame as the face of white British cross over indie-rap before Plan b: if only! In any case, as always, they show us note by note how music can change the world. Sofie Jenkinson.

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC 2006...

Gave us: Emo Indie bands with keyboards...which led us towards “New” Rave. Ha. New my ass. Then everyone started hating emos.

Now apparently it’s a choice between “new” rave and shit indie bands. hmm.

Another new Beatles compilation. But, goddamnit this masterpiece is probably the best they’ve ever sounded.

Busted ex-members come into fruition. Son of Dork lost out on that derby.

BUMS OF L TAKE THAT: Heterosexual A TH EY Not wanting to impose our opinion upon you too much EAR... (even though it’s right) we went round Quench and 2007? asked them their favourite album of the year. ...AND IN Ryan Owen The Hidden Cameras Awoo “Its replaced my dancing in the shower music” Geordie Shakira Oral Fixaion Volume 2 “You might just ejaculate” Will Hitchins Destroyer Rubies “A real gem” Mike Richards Tool 10 Thousand Days “It’s better than shoes” Sofie Jenkinson CSS “Proper dirty sex music. Oh my!”

TV Gareth The Blow Paper Television “If Britney Spears had signed to an indie label” Avalyn Beare Fortune Drive Recent Advances Vol. 2 “Rocks my tights off” Si Truss TV on the Radio Return to cookie mountain “Kind of like indie music... but better”

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

UP EMUSIC

Probably the best of the legal download sites with a huge back catalogue and much cheaper than itunes. From New Pornogrpahers to John Coltrane to Woody Allen; there’s something for everyone.

TAKE THAT

2006 saw the long awaited return of everyone’s favourite boy band, no longer the camp young men they used to be.

A sell out arena tour and a number one album have put these pop veterans back on the raydar...or should I say gaydar.

THE DARKNESS

We’d all been waiting for so so long and finally, like the mercy killing of a rabbit with myxomatosis, it came; the darkness called it a day. No more high pitched falcetto wank.

Can you hear it? ahhhhh....silence, sweet sweet silence.

Dananananaaykroyd These Glaswegian fight-popsters seem to have everything that is hot right now.

They’ve got women and two drummers and a record deal. It’ll be a short wait until NME notice them and then MTV here we come. Well, if anybody can remember/say their name.

If Ben wins the X Factor we can THE X FACTOR 5 years expect a savage glut off pop-rock since the beginning of this whole power ballads to infiltrate the marreality-music-pop-John everyman-ket. At least if he looses it’ll be the anyone can do it if they try thing same turgid shit as we’re used to.

I’ve had enough. None of them go Better the Devil you know, eh? anywhere do they? Will Young did Will songstress Regina Spektor finally but he’s bloody great. gain the mainstream success she so deserves?

Mike Patton’s Peeping Tom project featuring the likes of Rahzel, Dan the Automator and Massive Attack opens a new sound for 2007 to take a peek at. Eyes open for big UK tour.

Eyes peeled for the British answer to Death Cab I Was A Cub Scout; May offer us: thunderous rockers with soul Pull Dirty bass lines and awesome lady Tiger Tail; New Young Pony Club singers. leading the female lead dirty A new emergence of some ugly 80s style bass disco and songs from the production. street with a twist from Jack A giant influx of music fans to Cardiff, Penate. as the scene of our fair city grows.

Stoner rockers Orange Goblin Bristol watch out, the Welsh are release a brand new album, is 2007 after you. the year the hairy 4-piece can finally break the mainstream?

DOWN

2007

FIFTYONE

ARTS

Christmas is coming to Cardiff The Nutcracker @ St David’s Hall 19 - 27 December

Jack and the Beanstalk @ New Theatre 16 December 06 - 27 January 07

Fe Fi Fo Fum, no Christmas is complete without a good old- fashioned pantomine.

Jack and the Beanstalk tells the story of a boy who climbs a beanstalk and discovers a magical world full of giants and adventure. With stunning costumes, a magnificent giant, plenty of boohing and more comedy than you can shake a bag of magic beans at, this classic patomine promises to be entertaining and is suitable for all. Tickets available on: 029 2087 8889 or visit www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk Rebecca Child

FIFTYTWO

The festive season brings The Kiev Classical Ballet company to Cardiff to perform what’s set to be a dazzling rendition of the enchanting Nutcracker ballet. The well-loved story centres on the adventures of young Clara who one Christmas Eve enters a dream world of living toys, shimmering fairies, fearsome adversaries and becomes the sweetheart of the dashing Nutcracker prince. The king of all magical ballets will no doubt captivate and astound audiences as it has done countless times before.

Tickets available on: 029 2087 8444 or visit www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Merren Callaghan

The Stories of Hans Christian Andersen @ Sherman Theatre 24 November 06 - 6 January 07

The fairy tales that Danish author Hans Christian Andersen wrote in the middle of the nineteenth century, continue to inspire the children of today. The Ugly Duckling, The Little Mermaid, Thumbelina and The Emperor’s New Clothes are often staple stories from childhood. Award-winning playwright Mike Kenny celebrates these tales while simultaneously presenting Christian Andersen’s own life story weaving the two together with acting and music.

The show proves that the fantastical and epic tales, often with a strong moral message, do not only appeal to children.

Special student ticket offer: quote ‘gair rhydd’ at the Sherman box office to get tickets for only £7 (029 2064 6900) www.shermantheatre.co.uk Tasha Prest-Smith

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ARTS Swan Lake on Ice @ Wales Millennium Centre 21 December 06 - 7 January 07

A truly spectacular and unique theatrical extravaganza comes to the Wales Millennium Centre this Christmas. Swan Lake on Ice tells the timeless story of a Prince who falls in love with a woman, who is transformed into a swan by an evil curse. Performed to Tchaikovsky’s spectacular musical score and featuring a twenty-five strong cast of World, European and National Championship skaters, Swan Lake on Ice is a majestic and expressive production that promises to be spectacular. Set against lush backdrops with glittering costumes and some of the most striking visual acrobatic sequences, Swan Lake On Ice is set to be a magnificent exhibition of athletic artistry with the broadest possible appeal.

Tickets available on: 08700 40 2000 or visit www.wmc.org.uk Rebecca Child

The Ugly Sisters @ Chapter Arts Centre 19 - 20 December

A début performance from a company called ‘Fat Belly Productions’ has got to be good. Written by two Welsh playwrights, Bethan Thomas and Eloise Howe, this is a great opportunity to support a Cardiff-based comedy. Manipulation and murder plots are on the cards, along with a heavy dose of mayhem.

The show also features revamped Christmas carols and inventive choreography, in what promises to be a sparkling yuletide treat.

Tickets available on: 029 2030 4400 or visit www.chapter.org Tasha Prest - Smith

Jack and His Giant Beanstalk @ The Great Hall 5 - 8 December

Not for kids It’s huge, it’s hilarious: it’s Jack’s Giant Stalk.

An alternative play on pantomime tradition, Act 1 bring to the stage an all singing, all dancing tale of Emo boy Jack, his alcoholic mother and 30 stone sister, Daisy. In his struggles to defeat evil Baron von Pineapple and win the girl of his dreams he encounters Jeremy Kyle, Noel Edmonds and many more unexpected guests. A production filled with constant gags and mischievous cheer, it is a must. Spread the word and you’ll laugh until you fall off your chair.

Oh yes you will.

Sarah Edmonds

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FIFTYTHREE

ARTS

A bit of festive cheer

A CHRISTMAS CAROL New Theatre November 7-11

ba humbug

I CHRISTMAS: it’s not all fun and games

COMEDY CLUB CF10 November 28

geek humour

T

he first comedian on the menu was Matthew Crosby, a confessed geek. However, he turned out to be a witty geek, covering everything from playing hide and seek with 50 Cent - “You have to let him win otherwise he shoots you” - to the dangers that ensue when predictive text goes haywire, especially when it’s trying to be sexy: “I lie you down on the bed and kick your puppy.”

Of course, there was also the necessary mocking of the audience: “I see we have a boy band in the front row – what we might call Jehovah’s wetness.”

The headline act was Matt Blaize, an outspoken East Londoner. He gave us his personal take on all aspects of life, from adopting orphans - “Racial discrimination is obviously the reason they wouldn’t let a single, black man, living in a bedsit, adopt a 16-year old Filipino girl” - to the notion that, rather than banning the Islamic veil, everyone should don one: “At least then we’d all stand the chance of getting laid.“ Part of his talent was subverting a statement after seeming sincerity: “I would die for my country, man,” which was followed, after a meaningful pause, with, “I wouldn’t go and fight in Iraq though – fuck that” and a frivolous grin. All in all, an outrageous, sparkling set which had everyone in stitches. Tasha PrestSmith

FIFTYFOUR

A DICKENS OF A CHRISTMAS

Wales Millennium Centre November 30 - December 2 panto magic

Y

ou can always rely on a traditional, festive show to get you in the mood for Christmas. A Dickens of a Christmas is a bright, funny show that will have you laughing and booing from beginning to end.

The show is perhaps a little pantolike, but then it’s always good fun to get involved in the action.

The Odyssey theatre company chooses to make productions involving people with learning difficulties.

The production makes people aware of this minority group, and with the back-up of professionals, a superb performance was made.

The actors’ performances were inspiring. The majority of the cast were the ‘paupers chorus’ who worked their magic on the evil Scrooge to help him change his mean ways.

The enthusiasm and dedication from students of the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama brought the musical elements needed to complete the performance. A closeknit musical ensemble was on stage with the cast throughout, which added to the play’s warm and cosy appeal.

Overall, this is a fun, family show which gets you singing along to familiar tunes and laughing with the light, easy humour. A heart-warming Christmas performance from the Odyssey theatre. Claire Power

t’s easy to be a bit of a Scrooge at this time of year. Christmas is over-sentimentalised, overrated and associated with lovely traits like greed, materialism and superficial cards from long lost relations…right?

Perhaps not. In this heart-warming production, Ron Moody (an Oscar nominee for the film Oliver!) plays a cranky, money-obsessed Scrooge, though he was pretty loveable in his bobbled nightcap and tartan slippers.

The set was tiptop, from Scrooge’s four poster bed to Cratchet’s miniscule, perch-like desk to the evocative background of Victorian London, with the dome of St Paul’s nestled beyond rows of labyrinthine streets.

The scenes were varied and engaging, from seeing Scrooge as a carefree child, to watching him reject the love of his life, Belle. Perhaps most touching of all was the jovial Christmas scene at the Cratchets', where their meagre meal is irrelevant when contrasted with their solidarity.

A Christmas Carol embodies the classic themes of its time, including references to the workhouse, the debate concerning marrying for love or status, and that common characteristic, personified in Scrooge, of being your own worst enemy. The play had a serious didacticism as well as the light-hearted snippets of singing, dancing and family games.

It went a long way to restoring my faith in Christmas. Tasha PrestSmith

A very Victorian Christmas

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

BLIND DATE This week, Blind Date sends out two singles to mingle at A Shot In The Dark. Did the sparks fly or was the date rained off?

Jo Dingle 3rd Year Marine Geography

Mark Panton 1st Year Engineering

Worst date ever?

When I was in year 8, my 'boyfriend' took me to Pizza Hut with his mum.

Romantic stuff.

Worst chat-up line you’ve ever heard?

Have you been working out?

Starter

Starter

What was the first thing you said? (Bar hello) "Have you decided what you're having?" Perhaps.

What was the first thing you said? (Bar hello) So how did you get into the blind date?

Main Course

Main Course

What was your first impression of your date?

Friendly. Shorter than me.

Did you text anyone during the date?

Yes. But he was ordering at the time, and then went out to get cash…

Did your date make you laugh?

Yes – he drives a Mini. It was fun!

Before tonight, if you met your date on a Union clubnight, would you go over and chat them up?

No. Would your date get on with your friends?

Yeah, I think so, he seems easy to get on with.

What was your first impression of your date?

Reserved and a bit nervous as well.

Did you text anyone during the date?

No. Did your date make you laugh?

Quite alot.

Before tonight, if you met your date on a union clubnight, would you go over and chat them up?

Most probably.

Would your date get on with your friends?

She knows some already. I didnt know until the date.

Dessert

Dessert

Would you like to see your date again?

Mmmmm, no.

Would you like to see your date again?

Of course.

Any final words? Mark was really friendly and easy to talk to, and any girl would be lucky to go out with him.

He seems like a really lovely guy and at the end of the date he paid for both our drinks and drove me home (in his Mini!) – what a gentleman!

Any final words?

Amazing! Shot is the perfect place to go with a great atmosphere.

Describe your date in three words.

Friendly, chatty, likes Minis.

Give your date a mark out of 10

6/10

Fancy taking A Shot In The Dark at finding that perfect partner?

Email blinddate@gairrhydd.com and let Little Miss Blind Date work her magic.

BLINDDATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Describe your date in three words.

Lovely, interesting, different.

Give your date a mark out of 10

9/10

A Shot In The Dark offers a varied menu of both food and drink, including delicious veggie options, available throughout the day.

Jo ordered a Lentil and Potato Pie while Mark tried the lasagne.

You can find A Shot In The Dark at 12 City Road, Roath, Cardiff, or on: 02920 472300

FIFTYFIVE

DIGITAL Tantalising top three: Soap Opera Websites

H

ave you scoured every issue of Inside Soap and Heat you possibly can? Does teletext not fulfil your aching craving to live vicariously through others? Don’t worry, before you seriously consider stalking neighbours and bugging complete strangers there is another option. The Internet. A Mecca for shut-ins and the socially inept has once again provided the resources to insure you never find yourself the proud owner of a court ordered ankle bracelet.

Coronation street

Barlow at his agony Uncle problem page and experience the troubled lives of those on the street.

This site is best for its wealth of information; you don’t even need to watch the programme to know the exact plot. An easy site to navigate; the creators must have a degree in Corrie studies, there’s nothing about good old Blanche that it can’t tell you. Come here to re-live your favourite quality street moments including the time when Kirk tried to win back Fizz by ‘serenading her with a touching rendition of an Eminem song’ – what girl could resist that? Also if you’re having a major personal crisis visit Ken

Eastenders

http://www.itv.com/page.asp?partid=91

http://www.bbc.co.uk/eastenders/ Whether you love or hate Eastenders; this sites for you, it’s fun and games page is amazing, with where’s Wellard? And Beale or no Beale, hours could be spent here, or if you hate the ‘enders then you can arm wrestle Phil until his head explodes. If Pat’s dress sense isn’t your cup of tea, replace those plastic earrings and dodgy 80s haircut in Eastenders makeover.

Definitely the best soap site for fun

In Review: Canis Canem Edit Format: PS2 Not content with depicting the seamy underbelly of criminal life in their ground breaking Grand Theft Auto series, Rockstar have taken a shot at school life with Canis Canem Edit, placing the player in the guise of Jimmy Hopkins, a 15 year old boy sent to the toughest boarding school in America Bullworth Academy. Using a slightly refined engine nicked from GTA: San Andreas, Jimmy must negotiate his way through life at Bullworth, getting to class on time, dodging prefects, battling with the different school cliques and getting the girl.The fighting system has been vastly improved from San Andreas with Jimmy able to execute

He headbutted a brick

What the hell happened to him?

He was under the impression it contained a magic mushroom

and games.

Neighbours

http://www.neighbours.com/ We love neighbours! So surprise surprise here’s our personal favourite. Crammed full of interviews and plot summaries, we’re already 6 months ahead, but the best part is the timeline, “Whether you’re an old school aficionado who fancies a trip down memory lane, or a Neighbours newbie seeking the backstory on the lives and loves of Erinsborough’s various residents, the timeline will fill you in on some of the key events in Neighbours’ 21 year history.” This timeline is full of photos and videos (see Kylie at her very best) but the icing on the cake is the video of Susan’s ledgendary slap for Karl’s sordid affair. By far the best scene ever to have graced our screens.

Lucy Reader and Jaqui Polley

various combinations and fighting techniques as well as learning new ones. Completing classes gives Jimmy new abilities, gym improving fighting techniques whilst chemistry allows him to create weapons such as firecrackers.

Character interaction is massively important with Jimmy able to apologise or antagonise according to the players won’t. As Jimmy gains respect pupils treat him differently, those who attempt to bully you when you're the new kid will cower in fear once you've ground their clique under your heel! In all honesty there is no way I can do such a rich and varied game justice in the meagre space afforded here. Having barely scratched the surface of the vast canvas of delights this game delivers I would simply say if you like computer games you will like this, if you don't like computer games what the fuck are you reading this for! Go read the topiary section or something Lee Randel

WHY?!

I know, I had to watch the fool bleed to death

That’s just plain mental Let’s eat the drug-addled git

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DIGITAL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

CULT CLASSICS The Mighty Boosh

W

ith regards to finding a cult television programme that has happened only recently, you need look no further than The Mighty Boosh. This surreal programme emerged from absolutely nowhere and has since amassed a rather large fan base.

Split into two series so far, The Mighty Boosh has taken viewers on an imaginative and somewhat hallucinogenic journey. The first series is based in the

‘Zooniverse’, which is essentially a zoo, although admittedly not an average one. You can see exactly what direction The Mighty Boosh is headed in after the first episode, where one of the Boosh, Howard Moon, is blackmailed into fighting a killer kangaroo in order to bring money to the Zoo! The cast is small but brilliant.

Howard Moon and Vince Noir are the main characters but are flanked with some excellent support, namely the brilliant Naboo and Bollo. The show has recently

taken to the stage in numerous live acts across the country.

The out of this world story lines in effect make this show one of the strangest on television; travelling to Monkey Hell or getting trapped in another dimension being just two examples.

The Mighty Boosh certainly deserves to be recognised as a classic, despite it only being a new programme, simply because it is genius! Gareth Mogg

6 0 0 2 f o t Bes

s out

s find ic s s la C lt u ar? C

of the ye s it h lt u c the What were Beck

The Information

T

his year saw albums released from long-time cult classic heroes such as The Lemonheads, Mogwai and DJ Shadow. However, this year one man cemented his cult status forever: enter Beck Hansen.

Now on his ninth album, The Information found Beck back on familiar territory. Whether it’s electroblues or hip-hop folk Beck has never let genre boundaries stand in his way and with his typically cryptic and humorous lyrics, The Information is no different. The Information wasn’t eligible for chart entry due to the fact fans were allowed to make their own album covers using a selection of free stickers provided with the CD. This is also the only album where you’ll hear a Gameboy used as a musical instrument. Plus don’t forget the presence of Spike Jonze, who pops up like a cult-cool-cherry on a particularly glorious ice-cream sundae.

Musically this was no grand departure from what he does best but it is the concept of the album that strikes a cult chord. Beck is a man who doesn’t seem to want fame in the conventional sense.

Whenever recognition and attention come his way he turns the other cheek. His poppier moments have often been followed by something much more experimental, a case in point being this (almost publicity-less) release so shortly after the commercial and critically acclaimed Guero. He’ll do what he wants, when he wants and for that his cult status is forever assured. Jimmy Interpol

Cult Classics recommends

Snakes on a Plane Dir: David R. Ellis

Y

ou know when a film's title is also its synopsis it'll be pure popcorn gold. Snakes on a Plane is not only the silliest movie this year, but also a cult hit.

For those who didn't see it, the plot unfolds thus-ly: Bloke witnesses mob execution, mobster tries to kill bloke, but he's saved by FBI agent. Agent convinces bloke to give evidence at trial against mobster and escorts him on the flight to LA. Mobster fills plane with hundreds of angry, poisonous snakes, in order to kill bloke. That, my friends, is it. All you need to know is that Samuel L Jackson is battling snakes. On a plane. The film's title prompted much discussion over the web and became an Internet phenomenon. Websites were devoted to it, making everything from posters to joke trailers.

Jackson allegedly only took the job because of the title, and threatened to quit when the name was to be changed to the rather boring and less reptile based Pacific Air Flight 121.

What really sets this apart is that several days of re-shoots were held to bring in ideas from the thriving Snakes community. This included more violence, sex and the immortal line “Enough is enough. I have had it with these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!” Delivered in true Jackson fashion, the line prompted rounds of applause from geeks worldwide.

Snakes is a brilliantly silly, thoroughly entertaining piece of trash cinema that will go down in cult movie hiss-tory...

(Sorry). Andy Swidenbank We got snakes!

TV: Lead Ballon / Film: The Host / Album: TV On The Radio- Return To Cookie Mountain

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CLASSICS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

THE FINAL WHISTLE

Crossing financial borders Tom Victor on the foreign millionaires coming into British football

W

hile Malcolm Glazerâ’s Manchester United States and Roman Abramovich’s Chelski battled it out at the top of the premiership this weekend, fans of a small club in East London witnessed the start of a new era.

While West Ham United’s new Icelandic owner Eggert Magnusson may not have the financial power to compete with the richest of the rich, The Hammers fans should be happy that they have a football man in charge.

Hopefully we will not see a repeat of the last two occasions that Scandinavians have invested in English football. Stoke’s recent good form in the Championship has coincided with their Icelandic owners moving on, while who could forget the debacle at Wimbledon: in 1996 they were an established Premiership club, ten years - and countless Swedes and Norwegians later they moved to Milton Keynes (hardly a hotbed of sporting activity) and are playing in the fourth tier of English football.

In both of these cases, we lived in an era when foreign investment was a new and exciting idea, and therefore the clubs’ suitors were welcomed with open arms. However, it has become a different story since

SPORT@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Chelsea’s Russian revolution, to the extent that the West Ham takeover could be of great significance for the future of football: Scotsman Lou Macari is the closest West Ham have come to a foreign manager in their 111-year history, and the club’s famed Academy of Football prides itself on developing top British talent. The fact that this traditionally-run club has been sold to a multi-millionaire by former Chairman and lifelong fan Terry MAGNUSSON: Knows good football Brown suggests that significant investment is the only way that smaller clubs will be able to compete in the Premiership.

Ironically the man who can be held greatly responsible for European Champions League. Is it the financial disparity in British and really that unrealistic to envisage a world football. The contributions of future where the top clubs in Rupert Murdoch’s BSkyB mean that England, Italy and Spain are so finanteams relegated from the Premiership - a fate suffered by West cially dominant that football will cease to be a source of entertainHam only three years ago - will miss ment? In a few years time, when we out on a windfall of around £20 milsit bemoaning the demise of football lion per year. Officials from Germany as we know it, we will be able to have complained about the financial blame these foreign multi-milliongulf between the Bundesliga and the aires who we once hailed as savPremiership, while South American iours. leagues miss out on the lucrative

Later they moved to Milton Keynes (hardly a hotbed of sporting activity)

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PHOTO: MATTHEW HORWOOD

TELEVISION

One too many times now, as I have tried to navigate the streets of Cardiff, the ramshackle I have found my path blocked by sci-fi film set belonging to Dr Who

T unnel Vi s i o n TV Si TV Si Who?

I

t’s becoming clearer and clearer to me that my optimistic wish, for a world where I can turn off the TV and know that it’s not going to come back and kick me up the arse later that evening, is becoming an unrealistic dream.

One too many times now, as I have tried to navigate the streets of Cardiff, I have found my path blocked by the ramshackle sci-fi film set belonging to Dr Who (or possibly that Torchwood spin-off thing, I can’t tell the difference.) Take for example, one beautiful sunny afternoon a few

SIXTYTWO

weeks ago. I was strolling whimsically through the park, returning from a jovial afternoon with a lady friend when I found myself among what appeared to be a poorly constructed shantytown. Yet no, the electricity generators and catering trucks were, in hindsight, a dead give away. Again, just last week my journey to the Quench offices was interrupted as I stumbled across the insulated wires of another episode of the family friendly sci-fi franchise. This time it seems they decided to take over a Cathays kebab shop, a kebab shop no less, is nowhere sacred?

These are just two examples of what is now a growing list of instances of Dr Who disrupting my day-to-day life. First time I was mildly interested, it was a bit of a novelty, but seriously, once is enough. Do they not have film sets for this kind of thing? It’s not like I haven’t experienced the real world being disrupted

by TV before.

Coming from Bristol I was well practiced in the art of avoiding the cast of Casualty from an early age.

Still, at least the residents of Holby

City were a little better at keeping themselves to themselves. Honestly if I wanted to see behind the scenes I would buy the DVD (for the record I will never in my life buy a copy of DR Who on DVD.) But I let it wash over me; there are more important issues, I must move on.

With this in mind and spurred on by the fact that, sometime Thursday night I realised I was watching the same episode of Hollyoaks for the third time (I hate Hollyoaks to begin with) I made this the week that I decided to turn off the TV and escape to the outside world. You’d never believe it, there’s actually a whole world of possibilities out there: natural light, a gentle breeze to play through your hair. I went for a run, it was the most rejuvenated I’ve felt in weeks.

Alas, as all was going so well I rounded a corner and who do I see but that smug suited one from Torchwood bathed in the harsh light of powerful production lamps. Fuck it, home I go, I think Dog the Bounty Hunter is on. Mmm… Bravo; wank fodder since 1985.

TELEVISION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

IN CITY® UNDERSEXEDTHE The Devil’s In The Details, or How to Amuse Friends and Infuriate People “You ask me here to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me. I want details and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well you get in the mood!”

Oh details, details. The best and most convenient reason not to ever forge a relationship with anyone ever, in any context, shape or superfluous lump. Especially ones in superfluous lumps. Far be it for me to compare my contemptible life to that of Seinfeld’s George Costanza, but there is that element of thirst for details in everyone, and that’s why everyone is actually rubbish.

Details are the inconsequential utterance exchanged between individuals the day after one or more perpetrators have stuck their oar in someone’s boat race, or had Santa down their chimney, or a third hilarious euphemism for filthy post-club activities. Even if all they did was kiss a guy on the cheek after walking into a bin, the details must be brought forthwith, in a level of explicitness traditionally reserved only for George Michael’s court cases or combing out head lice.

Where EXACTLY did you get your leg stuck in the railings?

How many people EXACTLY saw you crying into your eighth Martini and lime? What flavour EXACTLY were the Nobby’s Nuts they spat into your face when they were trying to impersonate Jonathan Ross? By the end, you find you’ve revealed just about everything they could ever want to know about how you go about your romancing (ie when you’re at your worst). It’s like being audited for social irregularities.

It got me thinking, why does anyone

care? Do people with no job and no place to go demand details as their cheapest and least-illegal source of erotica? Do people like to give details because the steel-toe-capped Vespa smooching lothario in them likes to joyride their complete lack of dignity and sensitivities. Also, do people not realise that if they’re providing details about slag X or Tossarse Y, the very same X and Y are no doubt describing the texture of your own pubes to their housemate/workmate/psychiatrist? Unless you’ve got topiary of Ripley’s ‘Believe it or not’ proportions (which you don’t), nobody wants to know any of this. It’s beyond small talk. It’s talk so small it can’t even go on the log flume at Alton Towers.

Oh, there is still a place for the age-old “do-they-don’t-they?” yak, which if done correctly, should end up with you and your fellow conversationalists drawing up flow-charts, spi-

dergraphs and angst-tinged quadratic equations, the solution of which usually being “well she might like you, but we still don’t understand girls so let’s go and play table football.”

These pro-active debates differ from details, because firstly there are rarely EVER any details in the first place, it’s usually “I think they looked at me and smiled across the hypermarket.” Secondly, these endearing activities are obviously only indulged by people who don’t get out enough to meet members of the opposite sex anyway and write articles for magazines about that fact.

It’s actually got to the stage now where at least 100 per cent of the world’s morons exist in social situations specifically for the production of details. These people regularly rattle their mouths off about their vast gaping hole of tedious ‘conquests’ like lobsters with holiday snaps.

Despite their conquests being akin to you or I flying third class to New York and claiming to have ‘conquered’ Belgium, there’s still this niggling, eager glee to get those beans split.

I am not hot on the disclosure of details. Out there in the colliding galaxies of relationships, dalliances and nights of fire, brimstone and Put Your Hands Up For Detroit, there is still a tiny space for the sanctity of secrets. If you ever had any real, proper ‘details’ worth shouting off the rooftops of Shitsville City, there’d be no way of formulating the words.

Which is why every Tom, Dick or Fuckster can carp on all they like about the hundreds of millions of new life forms they’ve splashed or swallowed the previous night, but when it comes to genuine “err oh man, I might actually like this person” feelings, the mouths remain firmly closed. As mine is now.

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GOING OUT The sights of Swansea

T

he hometown of Catherine Zeta Jones is hard to rival when it comes to choice and quality of restaurants when eating out. There are some stunning views over the beautiful Mumbles and Gower coastline, as well as a bright and lively city to relax or party the night away at your leisure.

Clubs and pubs The best place for pubs in Swansea is Wind Street. On this road you’ll find SA1 Bar, Australian Bar, The Square, Toad In The Post Office, The Bank Statement, The Ice Bar, Yates.

For clubs head to either Barons or Kingsway - where you'll find Jumpin' Jaks, Flares, Time & Envy (all nightclubs) or The Potters Wheel and the Orange House. That should keep you going.

the chocolate marshmallow sundae is really yummy! Casa Nostra is another good one to try especially if you want to avoid the masses. The New York style pizzeria, Frankie and Benny’s also comes highly recommended, real, authentic New York style diner with an Italian influence.

It’s perfect for a celebration. This is what the likes of Pizza Hut fail so miserably to achieve.

Shops It is only a short walk on the refurbished Princess Way to reach the City Centre where many shops are commencing extended opening hours for the run up to Christmas.

Wednesdays and Fridays are available for late-night shopping, with additional opening hours in the week before Christmas. The famous Swansea Indoor Market will be opening on Sundays to give shoppers extra time for browsing through

4461 square metres of delicious Welsh products, treats, presents and refreshments in a festive atmosphere. The Christmas Street Market is also returning to the City Centre from November 24th and a stroll along it should finalise every visit to Swansea.

There’s a lot of Christmas parties coming up. Here are two of the best events on this week.

Cardiff Business Society Christmas Ball When?: Monday 11th December Where?:Cardiff City Hall Tickets: £33 members, £35 nonmembers / Tickets on sale 12-2 every day in Julian Hodge The Big Ask Live, Friends of the Earth When?: Wednesday 13th December Where?: TJ’s Newport Tickets: £5.00 (£4.00 NUS) / Tickets on sale at TJ’s, Diverse, Rockaway, and Spillers.

Swansea has a reputation for its culinary delights with an exciting range of local and international dishes available at a wide range of restaurants. From cafe bars to restaurants and bistros, Swansea offers a fantastic choice catering for all tastes and pockets. There are over a hundred restaurants specialising in everything from European cuisine such as Welsh, Italian, Spanish, French and Austrian, to the more exotic Thai, Vietnamese and Indonesian. If you have a taste for the fruits of the sea, Swansea's fresh seafood caught daily along the coast is unrivalled. Hansons, in the Maritime Quarter is worth a try, it was awarded the AA Seafood Restaurant of the Year Award in 2004. The variety of Bangladeshi restaurants is extensive, Karma is a good place to start, located along the main road in a beautiful mosaic building it serves a gorgeous range of rich curries in authentic surroundings. If you visit Swansea a must see is one of the quaint ice cream parlours along the Mumbles coastline. Verdi’s is a cosy place serving ice cream until well into the evening-

www.gairrhydd.com

Restaurants

By Rachel Clare

GOINGOUT@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FIFTYNINE