Quench - Issue 48

Q U E N C H QUENCH.GAIRRHYDD.COM > VOL 4.48>FEB 05 2007

“

D IA N G UA RD E N T U ST E A Z IN M AG T H E OF YEAR

The term is now commonplace in modern Britain as an alternative for ‘rubbish’

”

Gay on how we use words

GAY PRIDE Quench celebrates contemporary gay culture

in a LGBT histor y month special

P L U SLK:TO LEONARDO

FI LM TA NEW D IC A P R IO A B O U T H IS D , FI LM , B LO O D D IA M O N O P S A N D P A U L W E LL E R D R IN FO R A C H A T

INSIDE: TRAVEL/ BOOK

URB/ GRACE/ GOING S/ ARTS/ DIGITAL/ THE BL

OUT/ TV/ SPORT

QUENCH.GAIRRHYDD.COM > VOL 4.48 > FEB 05 2007

CONTENTS

features 08INTERVIEWS

It’s Weller good this week: we chat to mod legend Paul Weller

23TRAVEL

World class ale: the boys travel around the sofa in 80 bottles

18GAY/ FEATURES SPECIAL

Painting a rainbow: gay and features join forces to celebrate LGBT history month

50ARTS

Little princesses: the return of ballet

regulars 04THE BLURB It’s a goody

06DEBATE

Solutions to resolutions

07GRACE

Gets under your skin

13FASHION Detox your robe

16FOOD Welsh wonders

29REVIEWS Sehr gut

32BOOKS

It’s ceremonious

QUENCH@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Dirty little secrets?

Quench looks at the phenomenon that is postsecret.com Features/ page 26

32MUSIC Hella good

54DIGITAL Gives your technology a hug

56GOING OUT ‘Diff dining

58CULT CLASSICS It’s never clueless

60BLIND DATE Back to the future

61THE FINAL WHISTLE Beeb beeb beeb on my mobile phone

Editor Sophie Robehmed Executive editor Perri Lewis Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kim O’Connor, Rebecca Child Blind Date Rosanne and Olivia Books Daisy Beare Columnists Gareth Paisey, Grace DeVille, Dave Menon, John Widdop Cult Classics Tom Brookes Debate Caleb Woodbridge Digital Dom MukwambaSendall Fashion Leana Crookes, Matt Hitt Features Amy Harrison, Ben Bryant Film Ewen Hosie, Ryan Owen, Si Truss Food Joanne Grew Gay Deen Lloyd, Jenny Hall Going Out Kayleigh Excell, Rachel Clare Interviews Amira Hashish, Nicola Menage Music Mike Richards, Sofie Jenkinson, Will Hitchins Photography Adam Gasson, James Perou, Sarah Day Travel Chris Rogers, Jim Whiteley Sub editor Graeme Porteous Proof Readers Elise Kirke, Rachel Cormican, Kate Dobbs Contributors Tasha Prest-Smith, Ruth Doey, Ben Marshall, Fionn Regan, Jason Jones, Cat Grogan, Tom Williams, Will Dean, Kyle Ellison, EJ Price, Josie Alchin, Sam Coare, Fionnuala Coombs, Guy Ferneyhough, Roseanna Eastoe, Laura Gibbons, Gareth Mogg, Marty McQueen, George Pawley.

62TUNNEL VISION Belgian, not French

Best Student Publication 2005

Best Student Magazine 2005 & 2006

THE BLURB q.ed.

Suck up some trivia for your cerebellum (it is nice)

S

o, spring term is finally upon us, which is generically grand for the masses because it means that January, the month of assessment hell, dares not rear its ugly head anymore. The pastime of frequenting lecture halls becomes almost a joy as one scribbles a few notes on a piece of paper when the mood takes them. I could continue writing this editorial as one big ‘new year, new term’ student cliché but I won’t. I could also offer a rather tame, moral analysis on the recent issues surrounding the latest series of Celebrity Big Brother that has caused international controversy but that has had ample media coverage. Instead, I shall share some trivia. Oh, what fun.

As humans, we in fact have four nostrils; the other two migrated back inside the head to become internal nostrils that connect to our throat and are what allow us to breathe through our noses. Another common misconception surrounds the idea that Mount Everest is the tallest mountain in the world. It is in fact Mauna Kea, which is the highest point on the island of Hawaii that is approximately threequarters of a mile taller than Mount Everest. A final dollop of trivia goodness is that Antarctica is apparently the driest place on earth with some parts of the continent not seeing any rain for two million years. Who would have thunk it, eh?

Apologies to those of you who may have come across the ingenious book that these three thrilling tokens straight from the knowledge fountain came from during the festive season. Yes, that’s right, it seems familiar because I took it from this book that I gave my better half for Christmas although you might be able to tell that I really wish I’d bought myself a copy too. Yet as this piece of literary gold proves, not everything is as straightforward as one expects. Just like this editorial has so far resisted the temptation to babble like a brook about new beginnings and frolicking spring lambs.

Admittedly, delving into the pot of trivia might have had something to do with not knowing what else to write about but we shall ignore this minor issue. God, I’m an honest human being.

Instead, let’s celebrate the most important piece of trivia to arise from these shenanigans: this edition of Quench quite possibly has the most number of pages ever thus far. I hope you savour it and then recycle it. New year resolutions and all that. Damn.

FOUR

T H G I F E H T

Jade ‘stupid/racist’ Goody

Strengths: The weight advantage; relative youth; seems to have no qualms with repeatedly jumping feet-first into ugly situations.

Weaknesses: Stupidity; probably hated more than cholera and Kim Jong-il by the people of Britain.

Special Move: The Over-Exposure Offensive – Jade covers the fighting arena with images of her various escapades in the public eye. This not only awakens traumatic memories for her opponent, but also slowly breaks them down with acute visual defilement.

Mahatma ‘soul rebel’ Gandhi

vs.

Strengths: Intelligence; brief military experience; believes in reincarnation.

Weaknesses: Poor vision; unwieldy clothes; unwilling to partake in this, or in fact any fight.

Special Move: The Hindoom – One of the most powerful moves known to man, the Hindoom is an intellectual wave with the destructive power of a hundred Shiva and the heat of a hundred vindaloos.

THE VERDICT The emotional strain of the last few of weeks, coupled with the jet lag from the journey to India meant that Jade Goody looked worse-for-wear on the arrival to The Fight. However, this was to put Gandhi at little advantage as the task of raising him from the dead had also clearly taken its toll.

Despite this, both fighters made assurances that they were in fight-winning condition.

Jade even expressed to the media her excitement about her first fight with a river. It was shortly after the first round bell that Jade’s ungodly

disdain for her opponent became apparent, as she unleashed a torrent of verbal violence, causing almost a third of our viewers to change channel. Clearly frustrated by Gandhi’s lack of aggressive response, Jade mercilessly begins The Over-Exposure Offensive. But to this reporter’s surprise The Offensive had no effect on Gandhi, due to his inadequate vision and the fact that his mind had avoided the soiling of Jade’s television career.

Jade’s panic escalated quickly at this point, causing her to make a rash dash for the exit.

She brushed passed the visually tormented security and was last sighted selling spices in north Kashmir.

Mike Richards

THEBLURB@GAIRRHYDD.COM

THE BLURB BBC Wales Presenter en Jamie Ow tackles ive Quench’s fons big questi

! s i h t r e Answ What's the best thing you've ever stolen?

Between you and me I often nick the biscuits intended for the religion programme team who use my studio after my programme. Their tea and biccies are left out in prepartion for them to arrive. I'd like to think that they would take a benign view of my mortal sin.

What's the best lesson you've learnt in life?

Never believe anyone in broadcasting who says ‘it'll be alright on the night'.

If you could be anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?

Cassanova - do I have to explain?

Do you have any guilty pleasures?

Wine, restaurants, travel and no others that I'm prepared to divulge in your family publication.

KEVTHINKSTHINGS

What would your special powers be if you were a super hero?

The abilty to mute noises that annoy me - loud mobile phone conversations - political windbags - people who talk in jargon (anyone who mentions `thinking out of the box' or `blue sky thinking').

Come the Owen Superhero revolution, all these sorts would disappear in a silent wisp of smoke with just one look.

THEBLURB@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Facebook your Mum’s face It is 1:27 in the morning, I have a nine o’clock lecture tomorrow and am badly in need of sleep. Why oh why am I on facebook right now?! www.facebook.com is a nasty little addiction many students have developed which is right up there with Pro Plus, Neighbours and crack.

Facebook has changed me. The small things in life used to make me happy, like sunshine, daisies and hugs from friends, nothing would ever get me down. But now I find myself in a right strop if my facebook wall is receiving no love and no one has tagged my mug in a photo for over a week. I try and laugh it off, but this website has made me creepy. I stalk like no one has dared stalk before. I get frustrated when hot people are in other networks so I poke them in hope they’ll return the favour so I can have a gander at their profiles. I know all of your favourite films, memorable quotes and what events you’ll be turning up to in the next week and I’m really sorry. But it’s not my fault, I tell you, it’s that bloomin’ mini feed telling me everyone’s business. But this does not justify me checking my profile at least half a dozen times a day.

And it certainly doesn’t excuse the fact that I have an overwhelming urge to run up to the girl in my lectures (who I have never met before) and tell her that we really ought to get to know each other better because we have 5 mutual friends and both love Of Mice and Men. Jenny Hall

h has: This week Quenc Been thinking: to lectures gives How going back just like your you butterflies. It’s over again. all ol ho sc at y first da Been looking at:- features a man www.five.org.uk he is a victim of who is convinced e security service persecution by th since 1990. ok, of course) (Apart from facebo

FIVE

DEBATE

New Year resolutions A good method of self-impovement, or a waste of time?

Against

For

Ruth Doey

Tasha Prest-Smith

J

anuary is arguably one of the worst months of the year – exams, essays, gale force winds and no money. You may as well have something to take your mind off it.

New Year Resolutions are fabulous little things, there’s no doubt about that. They give you the chance to write down all those niggling problem areas that have been brewing over the last year (or even the last few years). According to research, we’re 11 times more likely to achieve a goal if we write it down. From the moment you’ve recorded your list, you have a set of aims, of challenges. It can be a tough test, but damn, it feels good when you actually achieve some of those aims.

The beauty of resolutions is that they can be big or small. “I will actively contribute to the continuing struggle for world peace” or “I will smile sweetly and sincerely every time I see the girl who tried to seduce my boyfriend”, while meaning well, are unlikely to be carried through. More realistic aspirations, such as easing off on the constant ghd-induced frazzlement of your hair, or opting for an extra bag of pink grapefruits rather than a Cadbury’s mini-assortment pack, can ensure that resolutions can and do work. Unless you’re a genius of willpower, you’re never going to stick to all of them. But some you will, and as a result, you’re allowed to feel extremely happy with yourself.

Of course, you can get carried away. Around 40% of break ups occur around New Year, because resolutions get you thinking about what’s going wrong in your life and your interactions with everyone around you. You might decide to finally take the plunge and become a redhead, or take up Chinese, which could replace all those hours you spent procrastinating on Facebook.

The possibilities are endless. What you can end up with is a complete revamp of your life, because resolutions ensure that you remain a dynamic, self-aware person.

“

Resolutions can be tough, but it feels good when you achieve them

SIX

H

ello disappointment! New Year Resolutions seem to prove our inability to make ourselves thinner, fitter or to quit smoking.

As a six-year-old cutting-edge designer I decided to assemble my first floating shelf. After barely three minutes of thought I began to plaster a shallow wooden box with Pritt Stick. Then I attempted to attach this to my clean, white wall. It didn’t stick. I tried relentlessly for half an hour but the only effects it had were to mark the wall and annoy my parents.

Isn’t this the way with our resolutions? We don’t think them through, often they’re barely realistic and so they don’t work out, leaving us smudged with disappointment.

Have you ever wondered why we feel we must become incredibly skinny or super fit? It’s obvious really: it comes from that old nemesis, the media. The media constantly presents us with ‘beautiful’, successful celebrities. At the back of our minds, we know that they’re airbrushed anorexics, yet we still aim to be like them.

New Year Resolutions are also a commercial gimmick.

Swindling people out of their money by playing on their supposed inadequacy that has been created by celebrity and media culture. It’s ironic really that all the big shops fill up with ‘be healthy’ diet plans, nicotine patches and lycra when you can acquire the same paraphernalia from a charity shop, courtesy of last year’s failures. Wake up to the reality of New Year Resolutions and avoid needless discontentment.

It is right to want to better ourselves, but shouldn’t we do this altruistically? For example, if you want to get healthier then why not run the ‘Race for Life’ and do it to raise money for charity.

Alternatively, ever thought of resolving to be a kinder, more patient person? Be unconventional. Be reflective. But do it when you have thought it through - regardless of the time of year. We don’t have to be failures, so put the Pritt Stick down.

” Often they’re barely realistic and leave us disappointed

DEBATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

GRACE

Getting down with the kids Grace A

de Ville

s era-defining as programmes such as This Life and Sex and the City were, I’m perfectly aware that not all women in New York hump anything animal, vegetable or mineral and have faces (and inevitably, genitals) like the sole of a well-worn espadrille.

And I know that twenty-somethings in the mid-nineties weren’t all promiscuous, chain-smoking legal whizzkids who resided in sprawling townhouses with their über-exciting friends.

The latest demographic to be immortalised on the small screen are British teenagers, and I just so happened to catch a glimpse of Channel Four’s heavily-advertised (I’m surprised they didn’t fly-post my arse) new drama, Skins. Something wasn’t quite right. They were all so, well, cool. I watched with disbelief as the characters sashayed their effortlessly chic derrieres (even the supposedly geeky boy is reasonably stylish, if not a fashion trailblazer) on a path of debauchery that no real sixteen or seventeen-year-old would ever follow, erm, ever. Or would they?

Skins is, of course, teen fiction written by adults for adults but it’s hard to tell where reality ends and light entertainment begins. EVERYONE below the age of eighteen looks like they should be in a band. Only five or so years have passed since I was at A-Level age; a minute sliver of the sickly and disappointingly unsatisfying pie that is life. However, I couldn’t possibly feel more alienated from youth culture when, everywhere I go, gaggles of immaculatelyattired mini Kate Mosses seem to have fallen from a Topshop window display onto the street below. They exude confidence and sport the kind of glossy mane that was once only obtainable if you visited an upmarket hairdresser. The main thing that

Trapped in limbo somewhere between Old Rave and New Rave? I feel your pain...

“

Youth culture has moved at such an alarming rate that in the last few years I’ve lagged behind like an obese child with flat feet on Sports Day stands out most about being sixteen was the sheer and utter embarrassment of just “being”. I may as well have walked around with a sanitary towel stuck to my face and “Kick Me” taped to my back, then I’d really have something to be ashamed of. I can’t remember a single friend (or acquaintance for that matter) who had the remotest notion of what clothes did and didn’t suit them. My personal style was the result of a

GRACEDEVILLE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

fight between Mk One and New Look, and Dorothy Perkins chipped in now and again to vomit all over me.

But now, instead of the painfully awkward transition between young person and adult, today’s teen is just a less cynical, more fashionable adult with better legs. One of the joys of growing up is that you blossom into a more attractive, wiser version of your acne-riddled grub stage.

Not any more. Never mind the old adage that the young are The Future - they’re The Present. A recent trip to the local discothèque confirmed my fears: there’s never been such a gap between what is actually current and “cool” and what I perceive to be “hip”. Youth culture has moved at such an alarming rate that in the last few years I’ve lagged behind like an obese child with flat feet on Sports Day. I tried to redeem myself at the weekend by purchasing some of the periodicals of the young and attempted to garner some knowledge of an elusive world. My casual use of the terms “mascara rave” and “pout rock” (© this week’s NME) were met with bafflement and scorn and my attempts at street lingo were about as popular as AIDS. Perhaps it’s time to face facts: I’m never going to like The Klaxons, Peaches Geldof looks like a gerbil with leggings and orange is never going to suit me. Take a leaf out of my book: usage of the word “safe” in the wrong context makes you sound like a dick. I’m just going to close my eyes and put my fingers in my ears. Hopefully when I awaken, teenagers will once again be an ugly tribe completely separate from the rest of the world. Until then I’m going to watch nothing but old episodes of Byker Grove and fondly recall an era when teenagers looked, acted and smelled like scallies.

SEVEN

INTERVIEWS

Well

Well

Ben Marshall fills us in on his backstage experience with music legend, Paul Weller

EIGHT

I

am on the way to Gloucester Leisure Centre to meet a legend.

There are precious few instances in which this statement can possibly be true, but fortunately for me, this is one of them. For, I am to meet the Modfather himself, Paul Weller.

When I reach the stage door, I plough through a scrum of typically be parka-ed super fans with somewhat of a smug grin as, unbeknownst to them, I am to interview one of British pop music's greatest luminaries. It must be said, however, that despite the abundance of typical Weller fans, i.e. balding mods in Ben Sherman shoes, there is also a surprising amount of younger more hirsute fans, demonstrating Weller's enduring charm.

After I finally entered the legenndary home of music that is Gloucester Leisure Centre, I had the enviable position of being able to watch Weller do his sound check.

Despite the obvious lack of audience, Weller still is captivating. It was at this point that the enormity of the task in hand truly struck me. Paul Weller is considered by many (including me) to be a musical legend. His career spans nearly 3 decades. How was I possibly going to condense such a varied and intense life's work into such a short space, and how was I going to do it without keeling over out of sheer girlish excitement?

As I nervously faffed around with my Dictaphone, fully aware of Weller's infamous hostility towards interviewers, the Modfather himself breezed into his impromptu dressing room with a disarming lack of pomposity. I was uncharacteristically lost for words, and only after several minutes did he actually notice me. 'Are you the fella who's here for the interview? Sorry mate, how are ya?' he uttered,with a voice more at home with a bricklayer than an actual bona fide musical legend.

It then struck me that this is part of Weller's inherent charm; he's not some effete public schoolboy with a romantic idea of the working class, very much the opposite. Unlike the Champagne Socialists that like to sound off in NME every other week, Weller actually became a part of the political system by becoming the figurehead of the leftist political organisation Red Wedge.

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS However, as he admits himself, he has mellowed in his old age. 'I'm too much of a careerist to care about politics any more, besides it's all the bloody same these days isn't it? We all live under this cloud of democracy, but if the government wants to invade Iraq, they'll go and do it, won't they?' Perhaps it is understandable that Weller has become jaded, as a young firebrand filled with idealism he set off with all the right intentions, but soon found that Red Wedge became high-jacked by careerist politicians looking to make a name for themselves. 'I have no doubt that the artists involved with Red Wedge had all the right intentions, but the Labour politicians only saw it as a publicity move.'

“

Weller actually became a part of the political system For somebody of the Daily Mail generation, the man has a finely honed bullshit detector. I consider myself to be somewhat of a mod, much to the ridicule of my less musically educated friends, who feel that, in their words, 'noncing about in a suit dancing to crap music' does not constitute a way of life. Therefore, it was entirely refreshing to speak to someone who still believes in the mod lifestyle. 'Do I still consider myself to be a mod? I don't think I could be anything else. You see, I grew up in a time where fashion and music were inherently linked, and I don't think that I could have been anything else.' Unfortunately for aspiring mods like myself, thriving mod scenes are few and far between. Not for Weller, however.

'That's the beauty of the mod way of life, it takes elements from all sorts of different places, and is constantly adapting. You can still see traces of it in today's music, from the haircuts, to the sense of style, even the danceability of most music today.'

He's certainly not wrong. From the current vogue of the shirt and tie uni-

form of the likes of Kaiser Chiefs and The Rakes, to the immaculately coiffured stylings of The Mighty Boosh's own 'King of the Mods,' Noel Fielding, it is easy to see the legacy of the Mod lifestyle still has a massive cultural resonance.

Weller has had much influence over most modern music. Britpop simply would not have happened without him. It certainly is interesting to hear his views on today's music scene. 'I'm really into a band called Doctor Dog, from Philadelphia at the moment, they did a really great album this year, I liked Midlake's new one, and also The Yeah Yeah Yeah's new album. I really like the support band for this evening, The On Offs, and also a band called The Rifles, they've done a few good singles.' Whilst he was enthusing about his current favourite bands, I felt it was time to drop the ultimate Weller interview bombshell, what does he think of his Modfather title? 'Aw well, it's other people that call me that, if I woke up each morning and thought "I'm a legend," I'll end up my own arse really.'

That said, if he is the Modfather, then who are his Mod Grandfathers then? 'It has to be The Small Faces, they had everything, the look, the sound, everything. The complete package.' It is humbling to see somebody who is considered an icon to several generations pay homage to his inspirations, in such a modest and unassuming manner.

For somebody who has had such a varied and critically acclaimed career, it must be hard to pick out his favourite part. 'Which part of my career am I most proud? Honestly?

What I'm doing at the moment. I really think we could carry on what we are doing for another couple of years or so, but whether I'd want to is another question entirely.' So what next then? 'I think I'll take a year off or so, I mean what I'm doing at the moment is great, but I'd like to try something different.' So no

Jam reunion? 'Ha Ha, we'll see…'

Speaking of The Jam, how does he feel about performing the classics?

'What like A Town called Malice?

Nah, How could I? It's almost as if they belong to the public now. I mean, when we start to play those first couple of chords,' at this point, he begins to give an impromptu a cappella version of 'A Town Called Malice,' 'the audience goes wild, and I really feed off that energy.' I for one, can vouch for this. Thanks to my guest list tickets, (apologies for terrible smugness), I got to witness firsthand a live performance of this classic, and the whole Leisure Complex, from the middle aged couples in the cheap seats to the boozy lager lads bouncing around at the front of the stage, seems to sing back the refrain as Weller struts about the stage like a Fred Perry wearing peacock.

When I finally ran out of questions and felt myself changing from professional interviewer into giggling school girl, I called an untimely end to the proceedings. 'My kind of interview, Short but sweet. Cheers.' And with that, my short time with one of British Popular Music's greatest ever heroes drew to an end. It then struck me that I was not in awe of Paul Weller himself, as his blokey charm makes you feel at ease, I was in awe of his Modfather persona. For somebody who considers themselves to be a mod, this was like meeting L Ron Hubbard, or Hulk Hogan, and I did not come away disappointed.

Do I still consider myself to be a mod?

I don’t think I could be anything else INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

NINE

INTERVIEWS

t e e M n a g e Mr R Fionn Regan is as much an extension of his songs and artwork as they are a projection of himself and his environment Ria Poole meets the man responsible for the future of Irish songwriting TEN

T

here’s something magical about Fionn Regan whether it be noted in his aura of fairytale innocence or his childlike, wideeyed gaze; yet beyond this quasiporcelain exterior is a passionate, confident and worldly musician capable of capturing the diversity of the human spirit in songs, poems and paintings.

Upon first meeting Fionn you may be struck by his tendency to draw intricate analogies between anything and everything; from the cryptic and mystical to the mundane - a bit like his songs, all of which have

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

INTERVIEWS a relaxed, narrative feel: “Words, where they come from… Like when you’re standing on a seafront at seven o’clock with all the lights turned on at the beach.”

Fionn's almost synthetic perspective on his songs is perpetually fluid: “When I sing the songs I see a slideshow of images, and I feel a certain way about the songs, and that’s always changing, y’ know?

That slideshow changes." Similarly, the diary entries posted on his website are poetic ramblings in a stream of consciousness style.

Like an artist gathering photographs and sundry paraphernalia in preparation for a painting, Fionn reaps his creative harvest from the inspiration of those around him: “The songs arrive - some of them are fully formed, and sometimes they present themselves when the time comes. But when it comes to a formula… it just comes (down) to people sitting around tables talking, or travelling around the place meeting people… People you’ve grown up with.”

“

When I sing songs I see a slideshow of images With regard to the subject matter of the lyrics each song paints a portrait of a particular situation, landscape or action. I say “portrait” because the human element is intrinsically represented in every song: “I have become an aerial view of a coastal town that you once knew” (from Be Good or Be Gone). In his own words: “There are certain things and certain characters in there (the songs) that do have dates of birth, and they are real people, but I don't think it’s necessary to trap that. It’s like trapping a bird in concrete - it’s better off letting it fly.”

So what lies ahead for this enigmatic charmer? Amidst an extensive and exhausting tour across the UK, Ireland and Australia is the prospect of the prestigious Irish Meteor Awards, held on February 1st. Hailed as the most talented Irish artist to emerge in years, Fionn has been nominated for both Best Irish Male and Best Newcomer, which is

INTERVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

The lowdown Celebrity updates with Amira and Nicky *CAMERON DIAZ and JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’s love life may have hit the rocks but Miss Diaz is not losing any sleep over it. She has been spotted with champion surfer Kelly Slater. Watch this space... *LINDSAY LOHAN is making her mark on her rehab clinic. It seems that she is confusing it with a hotel and has continued to make her diva-like demands. Last week she decided it was time to take a break and do some shopping while getting her Mercedes serviced. Here’s hoping she is back on track in no time. *Congrats to EMMA BUNTON who recently announced her pregnancy. The former Spice Girl and her long term boyfriend, Jade Jones, are said to be overjoyed.

something he welcomes if it means “someone wants to shine a light on the record.” Speaking of which, all the songs to comprise the follow-up to his highly acclaimed debut album (The End Of History) are ready to set sail, with a view to being more experimental in terms of instrumentation - Fionn cites “a collection of songs that would lend itself to a band.”

Perhaps the prospect of emulating

*It turns out that DANIEL CRAIG has other talents besides being one of the hottest Mr Bonds to have graced the big screen; he is also a bit of an expert when it comes to whipping up culinary delights. The former pub worker commented, ‘When I go into a working kitchen, a shiver runs down my spine.’ *It is rumoured that TAKE THAT would like MIKA to support them on their up and coming tour. The Beirut born star has had phenomenal success recently. Interviews was ahead of the game though and brought you all the latest on the musician before he even started storming the charts.

Listen out for the Lowdown returning soon to Xpress radio

Dylan’s electric era is a bit premature in terms of Fionn’s career; still, there are so many ideas he has yet to explore. Beneath his heavy mop of hair his shining eyes reflect all the sensitivity and excitement that pervades his stage show. Akin to his Irish forefathers, with an acoustic guitar in one hand and a hot toddy in the other, Fionn looks set to gain the recognition he deserves.

ELEVEN

FASHION

x o t e d e b o Wardr

ts on how to in h l fu lp e h e m o ives you s Fashion Leana g ing collection th lo c r u o y y if x de-to

1

Split your clothes into three piles; those you definitely want to keep, those that you’re not sure about and those that you need to get rid of. Try on all the ‘maybe’ clothes with a friend whose opinion you completely trust and ask him/her to be completely ruthless to save you from keeping or chucking something that you shouldn’t.

2 3

Think twice before throwing away accessories; a simple outfit like a fitted tee and a pair of jeans can be given a fresh look just by adding a cute belt that you haven’t worn for ages.

It’s not surprising that us students have earned ourselves a reputation for being a bunch of scruffs. Please, please have some self-respect and just get rid of anything that has holes in it; that’s the only way you can stop yourself from peeling it off the floor in the morning and throwing it on again.

4 5

Make sure that you keep at least one pair of killer heels or smart shoes. You don’t want to be left in the lurch before a big night out.

Once you’ve completed the clear-out, organise your wardrobe so that you can see clearly what you have got. Group all the coats, tops, jeans, trousers, skirts and dresses together so you can compare them side by side at a glance. You could even go as far as to group your tops and t-shirts by colour just to make putting the perfect outfit together that bit easier.

6

You might regret buying those skintight black jeans after the Christmas splurge, but some emo kid somewhere would probably kill for a pair that skinny. Sell your fashion mistakes on ebay.

Someone out there might actually want them.

7

If your best friend has been borrowing that top you never wear, then offer to swap it for something of hers that you’ve been eyeing up. You could even make a night of it and get your friends round for a couple of glasses of wine and a massive swap session, then head out in your (kind of) new threads.

8

Recycle your unwanted clothes by taking them to a charity shop.

It’s a great way to donate to charity if you can’t afford to dish out the cash.

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Treasure Skinny- Fit Trousers These will see you right through to summer.

Animal Print The jungle theme was big news on the summer catwalks.

Trash Long Hemlines Avoid at all costs unless you want to look middleaged and out of style!

THIRTEEN

FASHION

The shape of trends to come Fashion Matt plays Mystic Meg and peers into his crystal ball to brings you this year’s fashion predictions

G

ALLEN: Lilly bit pear-shaped

FOURTEEN

reetings fashionistas!

Welcome to a new year and yet another 365 days to get judged on the basis of what you wear. But, fear not - Fashion Matt is here to tenderly caress you through the trends of 2007.

This year will most definitely see the high street moronically interpret one of the more recent music crazes and you should prepare to witess the birth (and certain death) of Nurave fashion. For inspiration regarding all things nu-rave you should check out British designer Cassette Playa, who has been displaying her acid ridden garments at London Fashion Week for more years than the Klaxons have existed. If you’re thinking of indulging in nu-rave fashion then you should most definitely steer clear of your friends who are overly sensitive to strobe lighting. By teaming yellow jeans with a lime green t-shirt and a fluorescent psychedelic jacket you will have transformed yourself into an epileptic’s nightmare.

Further blurring the lines of music and fashion will be Chav-chic. Lilly ‘the pear’ Allen can add another title to her Queen of MySpace belt as the

CASSETTE PLAYA: Nu-rava founder of chav-chic. This trend will turn the working class’ wardrobe into super-cute kitsch; so much so that if you’re not careful you’ll turn yourself into one big tracksuit wearing ‘ta da!’ Think more Lilly Allen and less Goldie Lookin’ Chain.

April of this year will see Topshop resembling the M25 during rush hour as Kate Moss releases her specially designed clothing line for the store. Of course, she’s actually getting her mate, Creative Director at Alexander McQueen, Katy England, to do the actual designing bit but I’m sure that won’t hinder a million Moss-wannabes from splashing out.

2007 will also see the release of Factory Girl, a biopic based on the life of everybody’s favourite 60’s babe, Edie Sedgwick. This is more than likely to persuade a thousand girls to get the chop and sport

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FASHION

NU-RAVE FASHION: MDMAzing

HORROR HAIR: horrible?

By teaming yellow jeans with a lime green t-shir t you will have tra nsformed into an epileptic’s nightmare

Sedgwick’s pixie boy haircut. I would recommend that if you’ve even an inkling to copy her barnet then you should go for it. After all, if Sabrina the Teenage Witch taught me anything then it‘s that ‘hair grows.’

On the other hand, if straightening your hair everyday is making your scalp so flaky that it makes the back of your coat look like there’s been a minor snowfall, then you may want to grow it into a pile of wild pubic shrubbery, a la The Horrors.

FASHION@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Apparently, even GQ thinks this will be cool this year.

As for the boys, a trend that’s sure to shift is skinny jeans. Such constriction around the crotch has meant one in three emo kids now suffer from squashed testicles and an omnipresent yeast infection.

Don’t kill your groin by means of asphyxiation - try to slip into a pair of straight leg jeans at least once a week.

FIFTEEN

FOOD

HOME GROWN

Joanne Grew tells us about the wonders of our locally reared and produced foods, and why you should not be missing out

I

t’s all very well being cultural by trying exotic food from all over the world, but as the saying goes ‘there’s no place like home,’ or in our case, ‘there’s no food like home.’ So why not take a look at what is on your doorstep and discover the delight of some traditionsl Welsh dishes. From barybrith to cawl, you would be surprised at the wide range of delicious dishes our country has to offer.

With recent campaigning to promote Welsh food on a cultural perspective in the East, many Welsh dishes can now be found on the menus of the worlds most exotic of countries, such as Dubai. It is exceeding itself here too, as more and more people today are buying produce grown or reared locally. The

SIXTEEN

food purchasing report that people spent £9.9m in 2003, with a 46% increase to £14.6m in 2006.

Carwyn Jones, Minister for Environment, Planning and Countryside said: ‘buying local is good for both the economy and the government.”

Welsh cakes Welsh cakes look like small sultanastudded pikelets and have a texture similar to a stone. Amongst other names, they are traditionally known as cacen gri in the North, and eisen gri in the South. A lot of Welsh people used to be poor and the average person would have some fruit with a

bit of sugar and flower, which is how Welsh cakes came about. They are great to eat with a bit of sugar, butter, jam or syrup.

FOOD@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FOOD Local food: what we’ve spent our money on between 2003 and 2006 Dairy products Rise of 244% Ready meals Rise of 210% Fruit and veg Rise of 73% Fresh meat Rise of 56%

Welsh Rarebit Welsh rarebit is a dish of melted cheese with beer, served on either crackers or toast.

Historically it was used as an insult for those in poverty, who were said to eat it instead of the rabbit meat they lacked. It was named rarebit instead of rabbit to avoid offending the people who ate it.

Cawl Cawl is a famous and traditional Welsh dish, which includes meat and vegetables, usually lamb and leeks. It can vary however and appears stew like , originating from the cook of the Welsh King Gruffydd ao Llywelyn in the eleventh century. He complained that a piece of meat kept rising to the surface, however often he pushed it back down.

Crempog These Welsh pancakes are vary similar to ’ordinary’ pancakes, except that buttermilk is traditionally used. They are served warm with butter and are made not too thin. Other suitable filings include spread with meat or fish and covered to make a sandwich. Savoury Crempog, hot and fresh, can make an excellent starter.

Welsh Faggots Welsh faggots are made with oatmeal instead of breadcrumbs. It is often made with pieces of apple and liver, with the result being served with apple sauce.

Laver Sauce Laver sauce goes extremely well with with shellfish and lobster. It is prepared as for Laver Bread, and is then heated and whisked with butter or orange juice or butter, and stock or cream.

Laverbread Laver is a form of seaweed that can be rolled with oatmeal in two cakes and then fried into crispy patties with eggs and bacon. It is a taste of the sea, with a fine, black olive puree texture.

FOOD@GAIRRHYDD.COM

SEVENTEEN

GAY/ FEATURES

“That’s just gay” In honour of LGBT History Month, Quench looks at the meaning of the word ‘gay’ and its movement from adjective to expletive

A

s a homosexual man or woman, it would be no surprise to anyone if you described yourself as gay. Or would it? Recently the word “gay” has increasingly been used, not just to identify one’s sexuality, but also to identify something as, well, “just a little bit crap really.”

Last summer this issue was placed slightly in to the public eye when the Radio One DJ Chris Molyes dismissed a dodgy ringtone by saying “I don’t want that one,

Moyles: a bit gay?

it’s gay.” This then led to a statement from the BBC’s board of directors that stated the comment could not be meant in a homophobic manner seeing as the word is now common place in modern Britain as an alternative for “rubbish”.

It almost seemed as if the country’s leading media hot house was advocating a play-ground attitude that I’m sure we’ve all had to deal with a couple of times over the years. But Chris Moyles is not a six year old taking the piss out of hop-scotch. He is part of that elite group of broadcasters that seem to successfully indoctrinate the British public into listening to curly haired, skinny jeans wearing indie bands that no one really likes. He is aware of his influential position and should really take more care over what is blurted out on air.

This country has made great leaps in terms of accepting homosexuality into its culture and it is not just the odd straight man saying it, we’ve all slipped in to using the word gay “with a little ‘g’”. But why is it that the word gay has been normalised and not other words that may be deemed as offensive? Is homophobia not as severe as racism or anti-Semitism? Or is it the gay stereotype of being generally

Views on ‘gay’

quite silly, ripping our shirts off and dancing to house music that makes it so easy to normalise the word “gay”?

As recently proved by Jade

“

The word is now common place in modern Britain as an alternative for “rubbish” Goody, if it were a matter of race then there would be a national crisis quicker than you could say “Shilpa Shetty.” But perhaps that is the point. It is not racism or bullying, there is no incentive of hatred behind the phrase “that’s just gay.”

It is, however, a demeaning, poor choice of words. It may be that, as a result of our increasingly liberal and accepting society, homosexuality really isn’t taken that seriously any more. Using the word “gay” as a negative may not be overtly homophobic but it certainly is demeaning to our identities. There is nothing shameful about being a gay person, so why is word used as a negative? One thing is for sure, I may be gay but I do not see myself as “a bit crap”

“I think it could be offensive, bu t if I use

it it’s generally done without thought” “I never use the term and am not offended by it. What does insult me is poor people.

EIGHTEEN

How dare they breed” GAY@GAIRRHYDD.COM

GAY/ FEATURES

meaning

Views on ‘queer’

The term ‘gay’ arises from a germanic source meaning ‘care-free’ and happy’

“What’s the point of reclaiming queer if

gay starts to be used as an insult?

It may be said in a jokey way but most sometimes jokey insults are the

17th century

dangerous as it becomes publi cally acceptable”

In the 17th century sexual connetations were attached due to the view that a care free nature resulted in unhibited behaviour and sexual excess

1990s

“I wish people would get over this!

It’s just political correctness in the extreme!

In fact political correctness is jus t gay!”

In the 1900s the term was used to describe a heterosexual, whom was characterised with an unnattached, single lifestyle.

Although not necessarily a promiscuous or ambiguous sexuality. A man could be called ‘gay’ without taking offense

urban myths There are also various urban myths concerning the use of the word gay stemming from ‘Gay Street’ New York. Where there was a thriving homosexual community

“Faggot”: where does it come from?

I

f you asked for a faggot over the years, you would be presented with various little delights, most having nothing to do with homosexuality.

J.R.R Tolkien would have presented you with a bundle of sticks for burning (bless him), starving families in WW2 would provide you with some unwanted meat off-cuts and offal, whereas in modern day Britain, most people would hand you a cigarette and warn you about the imminent fookin’ smoking ban. In the 16th century, a faggot would have even got you an unpleasant woman.

So how has “faggot” evolved into a term for gay men? Comparisons between unpleasant women and effeminate gays are quite common (Wikipedia’s words, not ours), so this may explain the evolution of the term.

Also, the whole burning of sticks aspect relates to the medieval tendency to burn homosexuals at the stake is a possible origin of the term. Nice Tolkien, real nice!

GAYS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

1960s The word was then adopted by homosexuals in the 1960s as the preferred term of address. Also the idea of derogatory terms for identifying gay people emerged.

1990s In the 90s the term ‘gay’ was transformed into a playground insult similar to ‘lame’ or ‘crap’, as well as a term for labelling a person as a homosexual. It is now seen as offensive to many

NINETEEN

GAY/ FEATURES

Queering th

February marks LGBT History Month, in celebration of ho Jason Jones looks back at the most important queer mo

The Stonewall Riots Often credited as the genesis of the modern gay movement as we recognise it today, the Stonewall riots, like most historical events, is subject to much fevered debate; was it pre-empted by the death of perennial gay icon, Judy Garland?; was it down to police harassment?; was it started by a bunch of bewigged, bespangled drag queens?; or was it just the right time?

Some details, however, are certain. In the early hours of June 28th 1969 (the day after Garland’s funeral) the police raided NYC’s Stonewall Inn, a private members-type club with a predominantly queer clientele. It was the second time that week the bar had been targeted by police, and other gay bars had also been raided in prior weeks. The Stonewall’s staff and a few drag queens were arrested, prompting a minor demonstration that mushroomed into a violent, prolonged stand-off, leading to more organised confrontations later that summer. And so the kernels of gay lib were sown…

TWENTY

M

aybe it happened, as so many things do, with our desire to dance, have a bevvie and generally cut loose and have a good time, in a little-known bar on New York City’s Christopher Street called the Stonewall Inn when its sexual Magimix of patrons decided it was enough already with police harassment and time to rise up and stand their gay ground.

Maybe it was down to that gay stalwart, Madonna, who siphoned off myriad homosexed iconographies and spiked the mainstream with them.

Or maybe it was Tom Hanks, picking up an Oscar for his portrayal of a queer lawyer in Philadelphia, and

tearfully thanking his (gay) high school drama teacher and a classmate before a billion - predominantly conservative - movie fans around the world.

Maybe it happened aeons ago, when Sappho reached for her biro and waxed lyrical about the laydeez.

Maybe it happened hundreds of times since time immemorial, in ways just as memorable and just as forgettable. It’s never easy to trace the roots of a revolution, especially in something as quicksilver and ephemeral as culture.

But, however it all began, look at where it’s led. Here’s our rundown of the major tipping-points of contemporary gay culture.

e the roots of It’s never easy to trac a revolution especially in something as quicksilver and ephemeral as culture

Decriminalisation of homosexuality Back over this side of the Pond now, and the law that finally made us men legal. Whereas lesbians have never been criminalised? Largely thanks to Queen Victoria who thought they could never possibly exist; mind you, she did love her Prince Albert, it wasn’t until the 1967 Sexual Offences Act that man-love got the greenlight.

Well, sort of.

Unlike gay men, it didn’t go all the way and was only a partial decriminalisation of male homosexual behaviour in England and Wales. If they wanted to do the dirty, they had to be over 21, in complete privacy (behind blackout curtains and under a 100-tog duvet?) and “fully” consenting.

Strangely, us gays call sex without consent the same thing the straight world does: rape. As Catherine Tate’s Lauren would say, “Whatever!” It was a start all the same.

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

he pitch

GAY/ FEATURES

ow far things have come in culture oments from contemporary culture

Paul O’ Grady At first glance this is a tad on the frivolous side, but think about it. He was a club-circuit drag act who made it onto primetime via Blankety Blank and Lily Live! in full asbestos-acerbic mode dressed as a Slim-Fast-ed Divine and shooting everyone down with a splatter-gun delivery and he was accepted? - and loved? - by the nation’s multi-demographics.

A gay man clobbered-up as a clapped-out old hooker on Saturday night mainstream telly, how subversive can you get?

Currently to be found in civvie drag drawing them in at teatime, he’s giving the epitome of smug marrieds, Richard & Judy, a run for their book club which is the ultimate in cosy acceptance.

Equal Age Of Consent The age of consent was finally universally equalised on November 30 2000, but like a circumcised man, it didn’t come easily.

Predictably, religious groups went stratospheric, spouting the same old, clichéd arguments that gay men roam the streets, lubed-up Lotharios continually raring to go and recruiting fresh meat with no teen safe? Let’s face it, if we wanted gay sex on tap, we’d join the Catholic Church.

Die-hard homo-objectors from both Houses of parliament reared their ugly mugs to mobilise their displeasure as well as the usual hand-wringing from the Daily Mail-ers gobbing off their outrage at The Debasing Of This Great Country Of Ours. You know the type: people who are still valiantly trying to get over women having the vote and the end of apartheid in South Africa.

“

We too can write up an outrageously cheeky wedding list

The Civil Partnership Act

This is a bit of a contentious one, as some welcome it as a breath of equal-rights air to society, whilst other sectors of the homo community gripe that it’s no more than a traditionalising nonsense that apes the straitjacket of straight culture. Whatever your view on ‘gay marriage’ - though it’s not really marriage as there’s no religious element, it does definitely level the rights playing field. It means we too can write up an outrageously cheeky wedding list (only Dualit toasters for us, though, if you please), have a shindig and eventually a homo version of Macca versus Mucca divorce. We’d show ‘em what real acrimony is, the wimps!

Rock Hudson’s AIDs -related death On October 2nd 1985, Rock Hudson, erstwhile big-cheese movie star, beefcake pin-up and bastion of hetero-maxed machismo, died from what was being tagged at the hysteria-ravaged times “the gay plague.”

Although he remained firmly in the closet throughout his career, Hudson finally came out towards his final days, thus shocking the world and his ex-celluloid partner-in-crime Doris Day - in the process, and forcing an ultra Right-wing America deep in denial to take the disease seri-

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ously for the first time and, more importantly in our celebrity-suckered age, giving it a face.

Ironically for someone who rigorously resisted publicly acknowledging his gayness, Hudson’s death proved a turning-point in our collective attitudes towards AIDS (the concept of HIV didn’t even exist then) and galvanised Elizabeth Taylor to become the epidemic’s first star crusader and surprisingly powerful lobbyist.

TWENTYONE

FEATURES Robert Mapplethorpe’s Photography...

Or, more accurately, the general reaction to his photography. “I’m looking for the unexpected. I’m looking for things I’ve never seen before,” is how the man himself described his approach to his oeuvre/modus vivendi. And once you see his compositions, his gravitation towards things you’ve never seen before is clearly his default setting.

From his celebrity portraiture to his flower photos to his shots of the world’s biggest dicks and the S&M demimonde, the late Robert Mapplethorpe (19461989) scandalised polite society and pushed the outer margins of queer counterculture centre stage.

In 1990, a typically homoeroticised Mapplethorpe show in Cincinnati fuelled a tsunami of protest regarding federal arts funding in the US that persists to this day.

That aside, his work is achingly beautiful to look at, which is more to the point.

Prisoner Cell Block H The inclusion of this on the list may appear facetious or self-consciously, postmodernly ironic, but this cult series did plough new and significant turf in the portrayal of lesbians.

Set in an Aussie women’s prison, it had an almost exclusively female cast that counted characters christened ‘Vinegar Tits’ and ‘The Freak’ amongst its number and dealt with the subject of lesbianism in a truly radical way: realistically.

It didn’t pander to stereotype, public prejudice, or straight male fantasy à la The L Word. It was what it was. And this was in the late 1970s. A televisual milestone, for those of you too young to remember it first time round (or even the repeats), think Prison Break with Pat Butcher in the Wentworth Miller role.

The Birth of Metrosexual Male Metrosexuality is a term coined by journalist/provocateur Mark Simpson, and characterises the trait of an urban man of any sexual orientation whose style/grooming aesthetic is akin to the gay sensibility of highoctane maintenance.

Dismiss this fad at your peril, because, as ever, money is at the root of this oak. The more gay culture is commercialised, by dint of product-buying, homogenisation and image assimilation, the more you cut to the heart of consumerism and the more acceptance, if not outright enthusiasm, reveals itself.

Even those who think the novelty will wear off may find themselves in a different world if it does. It may well be a more tolerant and compassionate place, at least for one minority. And as us camp sods say, wouldn’t that just be absolutely fabulous?

k.d. lang and Cindy Crawford on the cover of Vanity Fair Hetero women have long been inveigled into buying lipstick by impossibly gorgeous lovelies in advertising, but in the early 90s for the first time the top fashion houses opted for overtly Sapphic imagery to sell their wares. Chalk it up to ‘lipstick lesbianism,’ a trend spawned by the movie The Hunger in which Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon go at it as lady vampires, or Madonna playfully flirting (and maybe more) with her lezza muckers, but it crested with Cindy Crawford shaving k.d. lang’s face on the cover of the August 1993 issue of WASP bible Vanity Fair.

“

The more gay culture is commercialised, the more accepted it becomes Looking back now it’s hard to appreciate its impact, but back then it pressed more than a few red buttons. Later, Cindy sort of ruined the effect when she and then hubby, Richard Gere, issued a statement declaring their avowed heterosexuality. The only consolation being that their marriage lasted no longer than a strawberry season. Oh, dear.

It dealt with the subject of lesbianism in a truely radical way: realistically TWENTYTWO

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TRAVEL You don’t have to confine yourself to the living room

I

Gap year or drink beer?

This week, in a radical social experiment, the dynamic Travel duo takes you around the World in 80 days. Well, actually, around Cathays in about 18 beers. Probably less.

What’s better?

Living Room Gap Year

The Real Deal

Cheap

Too expensive

Requires minimal effort

Time consuming

You don’t have to meet new people

Stressful, not for the elderley and/or stupid

You don’t have to pack

No proper food

You don’t have to respect other people’s customs, or bother to learn them

You have to speak to people with less money than you

You don’t have to eat nasty foreign food

You could get killed in many kinds of horrible ways

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

s it possible to recreate the magical experience of a gap year trip, with just a few beers and an ethnically diverse area of Cardiff?

There is only one way to find out.

Finally, the preparations are complete. We have beer. 10 beers, to be precise. We have a route: England to the Far East via Europe. And most importantly, we have a living room.

Houmous, pitta bread and nachos are all on the menu tonight, and the spirits are running high.

The concept is simple. We’re broke, we haven’t had a travel hit for a while, and so, we’re hoping that with enough beer (and snacks) we can recreate our gap year experiences to maximum effect with minimum effort.

Plus, there has recently been some foul slander and gossip in various media circles, suggesting that Travel does actually very little towards its own section, and it just relies on articles sent in by its dedicated readers to fill the space.

So, to all the the naysayers, racists, misogynists, bigots, fascists and homophobes, this is our response. A whole evening of dedicated research just for you.

The Rules Each player starts in England.

Each player must drink the designated beer for that country before progressing to the next via some feasible method of transport i.e. overland, or by ferry or plane.

The object of the game is to reach the Far East, drinking as many beers along the way. Bonus points are gained for moving further than the Far East, i.e. Australia and the Americas.

Any cultural experiences gained along the way will be treasured forever. Let the games begin.

d Detaileis analys ! inside

TWENTYTHREE

TRAVEL Carling 2/10

Leffe 8/10

3.41 pm Bitter undertones of football hooliganism belie this tasteless and flacid lager. With an aftertaste of sweaty manual labour, and a hint of dirty Thames water, this beer comes bottom of the list. Better get across the Channel asap...

4.49 pm Considering Belgium was voted by Quench readers as the ‘most boring country in the history of the world ever’, this hoppy beer doesn’t taste of chocolate, but it does send our tastebuds into spasms of orgasmic pleasure.

The Herbal Essence of beer.

Chris: Wank.

Jim: Rank.

Chris: Sweet nectar from the gods.

Jim: Like drinking liquidised hops.

Grolsch 7/10 4.09 pm Full bodied prostitution dominates this refreshingly liberal beer. Flavours of marijuana are left on the tounge; this beer is guaranteed to leave you craving any snack.

Chris: Distinctly Dutch.

Jim: Jah.

Kronenbourg Blanc 5/10 5.38 pm This beer reeks of everything French; pretentiousness, self obsession, and small pointless moustaches.

Jim: Like fresh fruit crushed by a naked virgin’s feet. Then pissed on by the French.

Chris: Definitely.

San Miguel 6.5/10 5.58 pm After a brief Houmous and pitta bread stop, we arrive in Spain. One sip of this beverage will take you straight back to the Spansh bull ring, as you struggle to recover your senses as you get over the comparative blandness of this beer.

Jim: Distinctly average.

Chris: Distinctly better than average.

Peroni 8/10 6.19 pm A taste like a crisp, sharp hit to the back of the head with a pistol butt from the Mafia.

Chris: The beautiful taste of Italy without the sewat and hair.

Jim: It’s like a brother to me.

TWENTYFOUR

Efes 9/10 7.09 pm Our trip to Turkey is complimented by an accidental Turkish meal on City Road, with genuine çay tea and ayran. See previous issues for our enthusiasm on these subjects. The best cultural experience of the trip.

Jim: Kebabtastic.

Chris: Turkish delight. Liquified.

Cultural Learnings of Cathays for make Benefit Glorious Magazine of Quench

S

o, what did we learn? Well, we didn’t find ourselves. We didn’t find the meaning of life. By 1.30, we couldn’t even find the Houmus. But we did find out that not everyone who works in Turkish restaurants are Turkish. And that texting “LOT 3” to 80333 is pointless.

Was it worth it? Yes. Was there really a point to it? No. Was it better than the real thing? Of course.

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TRAVEL Staropramen 9/10 Bitburger 7/10 8.54 pm Notabitlikeaburger.

Chris: If you bought this thinking it was going to be a liquidised quarter pound cheese burger with extra relish and fried onions, you would be wrong.

Jim: They’ll be hearing from my lawyer about this.

9.50 pm The trip is slowing down as we meander through Bohemia.

Another highlight of the trip as we whack on the classical music.

Jim: Better than cheesy peas.

Chris: You don’t have to cross the Charles bridge to get this beer.

Just cross the bridge by the Woodville and go in the Woodville and get one.

Tyskie 7/10 10.48 pm The inevitable has come, as Jim has jumped forward a country as Chris is a lightweight. After a lot of banter about Chris’s lack of male genitalia, it is decided that Tyskie resembles Stella Artois a lot.

Jim: It tastes like Stella.

Chris: It looks like Stella.

Beer Baltika ?/10 11.58 pm Things get hazy in Russia. We know we drank the Beer Baltika, but [adult swim] was on, so we were fairly preoccupied.

Unfortunately, Chris will never make it out of Russia...

X Last known location of Chris Rogers

Chris: Why is that squid talking?

Jim: Chris? Where are you?

Tsing Tao 8/10 12.49 am Chris texts “LOT 3” to 80333. It turns out to be a colossal waste of time, money and spiritual wealth.

Jim: This experiment isn’t so much fun on your own, I think it just officially classifies you as an alcoholic.

Chris: They haven’t even text me back.

Asahi 7.5/10 Sometime in the wee hours of the morning ...

Chris: I’m going home.

Jim: OK.

The Hall of Fame

TRAVEL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

TWENTYFIVE

FEATURES

Postsecret.com ostsecret.com is an Internet phenomenon that has captivated not only the world of cyberspace, but the real world as well.

Every week hundreds of cards are sent to 42-year-old Frank Warren’s home address, each depicting a secret that the sender has never shared with anyone else before.

This could be anything from a confession, a regret, a guilty pleasure, an unseen kindness - “sometimes I put money in other people’s parking meters” - to an erotic desire or the admission of an embarrassing memory. Frank then chooses around 20, which he exhibits on the website promptly every Sunday morning. If he isn’t prompt, his inbox quickly jams full of emails demanding an explanation as to why.

Having only started the site in 2004 it now gets an average of 3 million visitors a month. Even if you limit your Internet wanderings to Google for work and Facebook to avoid work, the creator Frank Warren has also branched into other media.

So far he has compiled three books from contributors to the site, and also allowed several of the postcards to be featured in an All American Rejects music video for the song ‘Dirty Little Secret’. He has also put on several gallery exhibitions.

P

TWENTYSIX

Have a dirty confession you need to spill?

Join the club. Cat Grogan investigates the lost art of keeping a secret

History of a secret Postsecret.com began when Frank was struggling with an emotional crisis of his own. He started a community art project in his home city of Washington, standing at train stations and handing out blank postcards to strangers which had his address on. He received hundreds of these back, but when it didn’t stop at the ones he had offered out and more began flooding in from all over the USA, he knew he had hit on something amazing.

Now, two years on, the site is winning awards, becoming the subject of round-the-water-cooler conversation, and gaining international recognition.

Although the thousands of postcards are still directed to his house mailbox, Frank is now forced to store them in a secure storage space.

At first glance some of the images and messages can be shocking, occasionally crude and, let’s face it, downright depressing: “I was seven years old the first time I attempted suicide.” Anonymity allows for such brutal honesty, and this is a large

part of the appeal of the project, both to reader and contributor. Such freedom of expression has obvious limitations in other media such as television.

Apart from a link to a charity named ‘1-800-SUICIDE’, a hotline for people struggling with depression, Frank refuses to allow adverts on the page, thereby suggesting that there are no restrictions on what is published. This gives the website a sense of rawness and exposure which can sometimes be difficult to confront.

However, the secrets are not all sad or dark. many are hopeful, positive or humorous; for example, “I make fun of fat people, but my mum is HUGE!” They are all creative, either in wording or illustration, the designers obviously inspired by the premise of making “the postcard their canvas.” Some are quite detailed works of art.

Criticism The production of such interesting and unique cards has prompted a

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FEATURES

few to speculate that Frank actually makes or fakes many of the cards himself. To such criticism Frank, an apparently ‘soft spoken and earnest’ man who is described in his book as “the most trusted stranger in America,” reacts by inviting the sceptics to email him and he will arrange a time for them to visit his house and see the reality for themselves...

Another objection is that what if, especially in the cases of more distressing secrets, people are sending in things that simply aren’t true?

Frank admits that there is no way of telling if this happens, so these ‘secrets’ might give a warped impression of our world, when really it’s just someone sitting at home wanting to cause a stir or gain the self gratification of being published on the site.

It occurs to me that the joy I share with millions of others when reading the ‘Sunday secrets’ contains a certain amount of voyeurism.

We are looking in on something that we normally shouldn’t be seeing, yet we can’t help but look. These are people’s real lives, and their most

FEATURES@GAIRRHYDD.COM

personal secrets, yet millions simply read for interest or intrigue.

However, there is more to Postsecret.com than mere nosiness.

Firstly, we feel able to personally relate to one or more of the cards.

They often convey feelings like “Oh, I thought I was the only deviant that thought/found/did that.”

Sometimes, we are also privy to the delicious realisation that we share a secret with the person who wrote the card.

Award Winning Postsecret.com won five ‘Bloggies’ in 2006, amounting to a total of £171.36 in Vouchers, a custommade neck ruff, and ten see-through shoeboxes. Although you never know if neck ruffs are going to make a comeback, it’s not exactly a prize to make a tearful acceptance speech about. The website is also ranked in the top three websites by New York magazine.

While the momentum of Postsecret.com seems to be soaring at the moment, the question must

be asked as to when it will all end.

Will the Post Office get sick of dumping sacks of mail at Frank’s house?

Will Frank Warren return to his document delivery business? More worryingly, will we run out of secrets to tell?

Until people can begin to share their secrets with people they know, I think that it is quite certain that they will continue to seek comfort in sending them to a complete stranger. So, fortunately for those among us who enjoy reading the site every Sunday, Postsecret.com seems certain to continue.

How to post a secret: The secret must be true, and something you have never shared with anyone before. Ever. Use a 6” x 4” postcard: put the secret on one side and the address on the reverse. Try and keep it short and readable, but otherwise you can do whatever you want to it. The address to send it to is: Postsecret, 13345 Copper Ridge Road, Germantown Maryland, USA, 20874-3454

TWENTYSEVEN

REVIEWS

IN REVIEWS THIS WEEK !"Bloc Party are back !"The Decemberists with their fourth offering " Blood Brothers at Clwb Ifor Bach !" " Bobby is a dazzler !" " The !" " And much more...

Brotherhood of the Holy Shroud !"

BLACK BOOK (ZWARTBOEK) Dir: Paul Verhoeven Carice van Houten, Sebastien Koch, Thom Hoffman Out Now, 142 mins

Following the death of her family at the hands of the Nazis, Jewish singer Rachel Stein (van Houten) becomes a spy for the Dutch resistance as Ellis de Vries, infiltrating the Gestapo through a liaison with a powerful SS officer (Koch). Twists ensue.

I

n the opening 30 minutes of the epic Black Book we are presented with a scene that is a grand example of the director’s style.

Jewish singer Rachel Stein (van Houten) is reunited with her family in wartime Holland awaiting escape on a boat packed with fellow Jews.

Double dutch

There is rejoicing as the family huddle, sharing gingerbread and laughing together. ‘We’ll never be apart again!’ exclaims one.

Somehow we just know this won’t be the case, the resulting bloodbath upon the group’s discovery by Nazi patrol being one of the director’s most shocking since a malfunctioning ED-209 perforated yuppie scum in Robocop.

It is affecting, but curiously so, abandoning the stoic tone of the majority of World War Two films past in favour of weaving an exciting thriller with a brisk pace.

Also, like several World War Two films past, Black Book is beautifully shot. However, it is bathed in a high-

REVIEWS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Review of the week

ed Bathed in a glossy sheen remov from the usual grit and grime

gloss sheen completely removed from the usual grit and grime so prevalent in the genre. Carice van Houten in her role as Rachel (later under the pseudonym Ellis de Vries) is bold and brilliant, exuding the glamour of a 40s starlet without breaking a sweat, while Sebastian Koch achieves the seemingly insurmountable task of creating a personable and sympathetic portrayal of an SS officer in his role as Müntze.

This is another of Black Book’s brave moves, as for all it’s old-fash-

ioned boys’ own bravado it manages to convincingly show the war in shades of grey, with Koch’s sympathetic portrayal and a view of the Dutch resistance that is less than stellar (“you’re as bad as the Nazis!” screams an affronted colonel at one point). That it was not nominated for any Oscars is disappointing but unsurprising given its highly unusual presentation. Even so Black Book is a film that deserves an audience.

Ewen Hosie

TWENTYNINE

BOOKS

Award overload With book awards being handed out left right and centre, it’s hard to grasp which is which: so, Books has created this easy to handle guide to literary awards

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expect that there are a lot of you that struggle as I do trying to find a quick read. There are those times when you want to jump on a train, but priding yourself in being an English Lit. student you won’t pick up any trashy romance. No, you want to read what’s being talked about, what’s new and exciting and getting the literary world in a stir (or is that just me? Sometimes I wonder).

But there is never enough time to think about these things, and sometimes it is easier to reach for a big prizewinner and be done with it. But this is becoming increasingly difficult as awards are given week after week, now every book in the shop has a big sticker announcing it’s worth and you end up feeling dejected and buying a copy of Empire.

Do not despair though, for Books has compiled a list of some of the most prestigious and influential awards given each year to help you choose your next big read this summer.

1. The Nobel Prize for Literature

This obviously doesn’t go to a particular book but rather to an author who has offered much to the world of literature. It’s all very secretive, the prizewinner is chosen by the Swedish Academy who decide in secret. Cloak and dagger stuff definitely.

This isn’t such a relevant one to your pick up a book quick philosophy, but you should definitely be aware of the prizewinners. They are usually literary giants (which isn’t suprising, the prize money for PAMUK: Genius this award is $1.5 million!) awarded the Nobel prize for ‘the most outstanding work of an idealistic tendency’. In 2006 Orhan Pamuk won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

2. The Man Booker Prize

This is a very high profile award and should be taken seriously. It is awarded to the best original full-length novel written in English by someone from the Commonwealth or the Republic of Ireland. The winner can get a cool £50,000 which isn’t half bad, and is almost immediately guaranteed world wide success. 2006’s winner was Kiran Desai with her novel The Inheritance of Loss.

3. The Whitbread Award renamed in 2006, now The Costa Book Awards (somehow it doesn’t sound as classy anymore?)

Holding it’s own with the big ones, The Costa Book Awards are split into five catogories: Best Novel, Best First Novel, Children’s, Poetry and Biography. Each category winner gets £5,000 with a chance of being chosen overall and winning an extra £25,000. That isn’t bad! Costa say that they host the book awards as books BOYD: Dead proud make people drink more coffee. Well, I’m not so sure about that. The winners for First Novel this year went to Stef Penney for The Tenderness of Wolves and the Novel award winner was William Boyd for Restless.

4. Orange Prize for Fiction For a bit of a change there is the Orange Prize for Ficton. It is given to a famale author of any nationality that has written in English. The award is highly regarded and the prizewinner grabs £30,000. This year’s winner was of course Zadie Smith with On Beauty.

DESAI: Contemplating

THIRTY

BOOKS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

BOOKS The Brotherhood of the Holy Shroud Julia Navarro Harper Collins

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here may be many of you out there who are still captivated by the religious suspense genre. For you then, The Brotherhood of the Holy Shroud will seem a valuable addition to the collection. Stemming from a deliberate fire in a Cathedral in which a man with no tongue is burned alive, the novel delves into the history and the mystery of the Holy Shroud of Christ.

It switches chapter by chapter, at one moment speculating on the inaccessible journey of the Shroud through history, the next following the Arts Crime Department as they uncover the modern day mystery.

The story is intriguing and layered and the explanation for the reports

The Brief History of the Dead Kevin Brockmeier John Murray

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ith an interesting and original premise, The Brief History of the Dead initially offers the reader a bold and imaginative read. It tells the story a place between Earth and Heaven, a purgatory known only as ‘The City’.

This purgatory, however, is unlike many others in the world of fiction.

The inhabitants are not waiting for an ascent to a better place; they are instead picking up where they

BOOKS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

that the Shroud only dates back to the 14th Century is almost conceivable.

This I hope will satisfy any of the religious suspense fanatics. However, many of you may feel like me, that this genre really has had it’s hay-day.

Too many of these novels are sneaking into the party with the big guns of fiction, hanging tightly to the coat tails of Dan Brown and Ian Caldwell.

BURNING CHURCH: Priest eats beans for supper Yes I did find the plot intriguing, but so much is descriptive passages are made up of poured into the layers of storytelling hundreds of four word sentences. that the whole book suffers. The However, the dialogue seems realischaracters are boring and pretic and natural, usually the hardest dictable, all with seemingly perfect part to translate. wives that they love dearly.

Overall, The Brotherhood of the Holy The chief of the operation seems Shroud is quite obviously a buy at a kindly old gent, loved by his staff the airport lose on the plane kind of and hardly capable of comprehendbook. The story is easy to get ing the case he is involved in, let wrapped up in, and shows some disalone solving it. tinctly impressive depth and awareThe stereotypes forced upon the ness to fact, but it is hard to ignore characters are embarrassing; the the other embarrassing failings.

English are usually out hunting or Sure, this is an International drinking afternoon tea. The jumps Bestseller, but pretty much everythrough history between each chapthing of this genre is these days. ter are clumsy and often so confusThis book should not have been ing that it is necessary to look back translated; it has weakened it chapters to remember what’s going beyond retribution. 4/10 on. The translation is weak; the Avalyn Beare punctuation throughout is wrong and left off after their Earth deaths.

Some treat this as a chance to carrying on living life as they had on Earth, albeit without taking things for granted. Others, however, treat this purgatory as a chance to abuse the situation which they find themselves in. It is believed by the inhabitants that their existence in purgatory is sustained by the memories of the loved ones that they left behind on Earth. However, many inhabitants of The City start to temporarily disappear as Earth life is extinguished by the rapid spread of a virus known as ‘the blinks’, named so because of the first of its symptoms.

The story of ‘The City’ is intricately entwined with the story of Laura, seemingly the last person left on Earth, untouched by the virus.

Stranded and isolated in Antarctica, on a mission funded by Coca-Cola, Laura is plagued by loneliness, if not the deadly virus which has wiped out the rest of her species. As news of Laura spreads to The City, its inhabitants become more and more con-

“

vinced that Laura’s existence on Earth is what sustains their existence in purgatory.

The story of Laura, seemingly the last person left on Earth, untouched by the virus Whilst Brockmeier’s concept is original, he does not possess the ability to uphold the imagination and promise of the first chapters through to the predictable and inevitable conclusion. Brockmeier’s prose is lyrical throughout, but after a while the character of Laura and her musings become tired and tedious. As such, one can’t help but feel let down by The Brief History of the Dead, a novel which initially grabs the reader strongly but slowly and gradually loosens its grip until the reader is left to drift away. 5/10 Tom Williams

THIRTYONE

MUSIC

The Band Wagon Thought of the week...

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t’s tough to look cool these days. Do you sit on stone steps looking moody? Walk along at an unnatural distance from each other, staring into the middle-distance?

I mean, I’m no photographer, but the lack of imagination in the onslaught of standard press shots that bands seem to churn out is making me want to hibernate. So please, if you’re in a band and are having a photo shoot, for the love of God put some thinking into it.

For inpiration, go to u2.com and do the opposite. MR

QUENCH LOVES LOCAL SPACE IN THE 50S/ GINDRINKER Clwb Ifor Bach 25th Jan

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his is the way to start the weekend; a day in advance.

Clwb’s atmosphere couldn't have been better as the entire Cardiff indie elite overcame all kinds of seasonal affective disorder.

Cult faves? Gindrinker served up

Caliifoniiaa! Here we come.

Breakfast Club at Buffalo

Fed up of bands? Got an itch to dance with a smiley face? – The Breakfast Club is here! In a bid to take you back to the golden age of clubbing, we dish the finest Synthpop, Electro and Hi-Energy nuggets of the 80s. See you on the dancefloor...

The Breakfast Club Top 5 tracks:

Catch Breakfast Club every Thursday from March 1st

1) Trans X - Living on video 2) Animotion - Obsession 3) Kylie - Megamix 4) Flock of Seagulls - (wishing) if i had a photograph of you) 5) Egyptian Lover - Freak-a-holic

another attention grabbing, audience-dividing set. Anyone falling into the 'hate' category should be culled, as this angry duo are clearly What Cardiff Needs. Riff n Rant is the new rock and roll. Exciting newbies Space in the 50s are, to put it bluntly, fucking ace. Sensibly, the exMartinis 3-piece with the best bass sound in the world keep their debut set short and sweet like Marvin the Martian. For an amazing half hour it's like DFA 1979 didn't split up, gained a member, stopped titting about with keyboards and just ROCKED. After ‘Vietnambla’ and its uh-uh-uh-uh stop/start nature, a t Crisps neck brace is now required.

SPACE IN THE 50s: No Adam ‘Bald Last Partisan’ Chard

NEWS IN BRIEF:

Check Out:

Today I get to fill the news section with the news I’ve been praying for over the past six or so years. Rage Against the Machine have confirmed a headlining slot at the Coachella festaval in California this April. This will be RATM’s first show since 2000. Whether the band will tour more or release any new material is not confirmed, but with the Audioslave front man Chris Cornell on tour after releasing a solo album, Tom, Brad and Tim may have some time off to catch up for a little militant rock.

Incidently, the Coachella line-up must place it among the greatest musical events in history. Bjork, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, DJ Shadow, Manu Chao, Hot Chip, Gogol Bordello, Sonic Youth, Peeping Tom, The Roots, Air, Rodrigo y Gabriella, Regina Spektor, Decemberists, Noisettes, Rufus Wainright, CSS, Lily Allen, Infected Mushroom, Faithless, Peaches, The Good the bad and the Queen, Sparklehorse, Jarvis Cocker, Happy Mondays, The Nightwatchman... all over three days. The way I see it, it’s going to be about 600 quid including supplies. We’ve just had loans in, there’s another still to come, and what’s 600 quid on top of the ten or so grand I already owe? Any advice or donations to the usual e-mail adress. Please.

Pandora internet radio is quite probably the greatest thing of all time. What with Pizza delivery and mail-order brides, there really is no excuse to ever leave the house.

Exept maybe for Coachella. www.pandora.com

THIRTYTWO

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC BLOC PARTY A Weekend In The City Witchita

Give me grace and dancing feet

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he gauntlet was thrown at Bloc Party’s feet the very moment their celebrated debut album Silent Alarm reached its surprisingly dizzy heights. After such a stunning offering they have, however, given themselves the time and space to let this immensely important next step develop into something great, with Jack Knife Lee’s production along for the ride, making the vision crystal clear.

There is a certain beauty in disorder; the swirling chaos and resistance of urban life. Sweating palms, sideways glances and distant looks, as strangers jostle shoulder to shoulder, fighting for their patch of space in body and mind, the fight itself shaping that very internal of spheres. This is so often Okoreke’s meat, tearing strips off the psychosis he sees as he looks across the vast expanse of his

city. Cutting across London, under its skin and along its veins like a modern day Sherlock Holmes, grasping at answers.

The first move could not have been more impeccable, with lead single The Prayer ripping the seat out of any formed presumptions. The dark sticky hallucination of a trapped mind weaves bass-driven late night tales, rewriting what this band are capable of.

As the first minute of A Weekend In The City takes hold, a double attack of drum and guitar is launched, kicking and screaming, Song For Clay (Disappear Here) introduces this unerringly intelligent modern critique. It dips and explodes in all the right places leaving eardrums perfectly ravenous for the next ten.

Hunting For Witches holds a grimy almost electronic sound within its walls, reaching to the darkest corners of the imagination as glitches bounces of the hard inner cranium.

Buried deep in the centre of the album Uniform unfolds, lurching from a gentle plucking to a full of assault of guitar strings at the climax; passion fuelled and sublimely gut wrenching.

While the clear-cut stomach churning balladry of On, a chemical love affair

not of the heart, sings out.

Writing songs with hope and despair in equal measure is a forte not to be ignored, as the well-timed crescendos and nostalgia of Waiting for the 7.18 and the love stained sentiment of Sunday washing over a war drum canvas, illustrates impeccably.

Okoreke’s lyrics creep through a forest of sharp hacking guitars swinging from side to side over a pit of biting drums and are exorcised through mouth like wisps of fiery smoke. But with this comes a double-edged tight rope sewn through the entire record. Lyrics offering miniscule flickers of self-indulgence whist at the same time soaking the entire record with the true Bloc Party. And as integral as the lyrics are, however, the true depth of this record can only be reached with a step back.

As relevant in a dark city night as between sun soaked velvet green hills, to one so young in such a confusing world, this makes sense wherever you are. Each shade is slightly different, slightly darker than before and it’s more addictive than ever.

9/10 Sofie Jenkinson

this...

It doesn’t get much better than THE DECEMBERISTS The Crane Wife Capitol/Kill Rock Stars

July July

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istening to the latest offering from a band you hold dear to you is a terrifying experience, and when you love that band as though they were members of your family the anticipation of a new album can become almost too much to bear.

A poor record can be like an argument with your sister of which the scar never really heals, an average album like a year without calling your mother. However a wonderful, magical, melodic, shining, rollicking, spectacular work such as The Crane Wife can make you remember just why you love your family, I mean favourite band, as much as you do.

The Crane Wife is the most ambi-

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

tious record the Decembrists have produced, and even though this doesn't pay off a hundred percent of the time, where it does it is near perfection. The best example of this is with the centre piece of the album The Island (parts 1-4) where the ever eloquent Colin Meloy sings us the story of an enchanted land, rape, murder and madness; a song which is unlike any Decemberists track before it. Starting with dark brooding tale of a ship approaching a seemingly deserted island, with Mr Meloy ominously singing, "and all we know for sure amidst this fading light, we'll not go home again.". The story unfolds perfectly to the music with accordions, organs, violins and keyboards thrashing away as the number reaches a peak in rape and ultimately murder.

This 14 minutes of music represent perhaps the bands finest moment showing their development from a good indie-pop band with accordions to the finest outfit this side of the equator, with very definite

Pick e Of Th k Wee

prog leanings. As ever with a Decemberists record, it is Colin's vocal melodies that make the sound so wonderful, as much sing along as anything else, he can spin a yarn about jilted love in an upbeat key and pull it off without question (see Valencia).

But while this album contains the bands highest moments, on a small few occasions it is the bands worst.

When The War Came, although admittedly a grower, should have been kept as a B-Side perhaps, it's a bit too dirgy and difficult to be listened to comfortably and repeatedly.

However there are numerous other high points to mention, be it the dreamy pop perfection of Summer Song or the album finisher Sons and Daughters which does what ever final track should...make you want to pour yourself another cup of tea and listen to the album over again. Overall the Crane Wife is the finest album these Portland balladeeers have created...now I can relax for another year. 9/10 William Hitchins

THIRTYTHREE

MUSIC THE SHINS Wincing The Night Away

This issue, Quench takes a break from the local rock’n’roll to delve into the distorted brain of Cardiff’s Electronic King. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Drone...

DRONE Colourformoney My Kung Fu

anythingformoney

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he album artwork for Cardiffbased artist Drone (aka Cassidy Phillips) is a poignant visual accompaniment to the whimsical electronica displayed on Colourformoney.

Children with grossly exaggerated heads look at points playful, content and bashful, cavorting in a glorious medley of ochre and blondes.

It gives an overwhelming first impression that this may well be Charlie and Lola the album, which is no bad thing; although the comparison may seem less than apt, Drone has composed an album of a sincere sensitivity and verve worthy of comparison to the above-mentioned children’s yarns.

Colourformoney flits between several layers of ambience, Phillips’ pained voice occasionally mothering solemn tunes in cradled arms.

Haunting melodies layer an impeccable production, created with polish and attention to detail.

Highlights incude the album’s strong and distinctly unflabby midsection, with the sublime Cutting Teeth painting a musical portrait with delicate strokes, a crescendous built of Phillips’ dulcet tones culminating in an abrupt halt. The chaotic dissonance of Etherheart deludes the listener in its opening moment before shedding its harsh facade to reveal a delicate spokenword poem, a lullaby to young lust and lost love in London that Phillips’ eventually admits ‘never happened’. Spiderhead (Green Man) is an insane ditty recalling Sgt. Pepper’s redux, the kind of tune that demands to be played backwards in the hope of hearing a hidden message pursuading listeners to run outside and roll in the grass.

Please do. 8/10 Ewen Hosie

THIRTYFOUR

JAMIE T Panic Prevention

Transgressive/ Subpop

Virgin

Legging it

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espite what Natalie Portman might have tried to tell you, The Shins aren't a band that will change your life. They'll definitely enhance it though. Their prominence in Garden State has an awful lot to do with the barrowfuls of anticipation for Wincing The Night Away, but The Shins were always more than a lucky namedrop.

For a band with such a distinctive sound it's no surprise that the Albuquerque four haven't made any great leap forwards with this, their third album. But they've taken at the least a fairly significant hop or bound. Wincing The Night Away is a grown-up record; there's a certain swagger here from James Mercer and Co. Sea Legs, for instance breaks down into a hip-hop jam that achieves the hard-won fate of not sounding out of place.

The album, with tracks like A Comet Appears, cuts deep into Generation Z's disillusionment with a world which lacks the promise afforded to the baby boomers and yuppies gone before. "I'm barely a vapour," Mercer wists as he contemplates the numbness of modern life. They were appointed to the ascendancy by a strange twist of fate and luck but that doesn't mean we shouldn't pay attention. 9/10 Will Dean

Quit yo jibba-jabba, bruv

I

t’s strange; there was a time when hip-hop and Indie were mutually exclusive. Yet here we are, just a few years down the line and the likes of Dizzee Rascal, Plan B and The Streets find their way onto Barfly playlists nationwide.

The latest British songwriter taking advantage of this hybrid, Jamie T, is at first glance no different from the rest of the bunch. His lyrics typically take the foreground, as the young troubadour offers a raw and honest account of life in 21st century London: rough as fuck.

What makes this album stand out from the crowd, however, is its reference to such an eclectic range of styles. From the largely acoustic feel of opener Brand New Bass Guitar through to the electronic sounding So Lonely Was the Ballad, Panic Prevention seems to draw from all corners of popular music before closing on a couple of tidy Reggae numbers.

Above all else Jamie T’s music is sincere and realistic. Never sugarcoated with false pretences and postcard imagery, he manages to produce an album both catchy and interesting. If this is a sign of what’s to come in 2007, then the future is bright.

8/10 Kyle Ellison

The Shins: Allegro

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC LADY SOVEREIGN Public Warning

GRUFF RHYS Candylion Rough Trade

Def Jam

Sexual health warning

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Grrryum.

embley's pint sized songstress, Lady Sovereign, he second super album from delivers her debut album Super Furry Animals’ front amidst a blizzard of hype, and no man, Gruff Rhys, comes as a shortage of success across the playful surprise. More accessible pond, with recent single Love Me Or than his (mostly Welsh language) Hate Me (think Eminem’s My debut, Candylion offers mischieName Is) topping the MTV US vously deceptive pop songs with a Countdown.

With many of the tracks here previously available on EPs or singles, there is a distinct feeling of being short changed from the outset.

The record offers an absurdist take on daily life in Blighty. Sadly it’s neither funny nor original, and quite how the Yanks have warmed to her is anyone’s guess. Grime, Punk, Pop and Rap are offered in equal doses, yet the overwhelming feeling is not of eclecticism, but of mishmash.

Very few of the songs here work at all, and it appears Lady Sov. is little more than a novelty act. "I cant dance and I really can’t sing," she whines. She's not wrong.

3/10 EJ Price Gruff Rhys: Reasonably furry

QUENCH GOES TO THE MOVIES

S

eptember last year saw the release of Zach Braff’s second directing/acting project, The Last Kiss - a film with mixed reviews, but a fine effort at a “romcom” with the originality and brains that so many of its counterpart’s lack.

However, it is Braff’s lesser-known directing debut Garden State, and its soundtrack that has my attention. Garden State is essentially similar to Braff’s latest venture, and just as good, but with an outstanding soundtrack that reflects the film’s poignant, emotional and often totally ironic moments.Contributions range from the beautifully plucked

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

T

acoustic loveliness of Iron and Wine singing Such Great Heights, Nick Drake, Remy Zero and Simon and Garfunkel with The Only Living Boy in New York. Soft techno beats are provided by Zero 7, which, along with the other tracks, help lull you into a lazy Sunday afternoon mood.

Imogen Heap’s voice reflects brilliantly the same fragility found in the characters throughout the film.

The Shins also make a double entry with their haunting song Caring Is Creepy and New Slang, two outstanding contributions that won the band huge critical acclaim and world-wide recognition, after lead character Sam (Natalie Portman), proclaims casually in passing that they will “Change your life.”

I can’t promise this, but not only do the songs compliment every moment of the film beautifully, but also in their own right stand out as an exceptional collection of songs.

Josie Alchin

dark underbelly.

Lyrically, Candylion predominantly concerns itself with worries of the modern world and yet, musically, it employs the instrumentation of a Year 8 music class. The traipsing tempo of the album enhances its overall dreamy feeling which makes it, in the best possible way, a nice album to fall asleep to.

In addition, Gruff’s voice is often more gorgeous and rare than a virgin from Llanelli. This is surely the greatest North Walian psychedelic folkpop release of 2007!

8/10 Matthew Hitt

EXPLOSIONS IN THE SKY All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone Bella Union Holiday in Basra

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he wider world may not look upon Texas’ more famous son with much pleasure, but its foremost post-rock brothers are here to right wrongs, taking more than one leaf from fellow Texans Lift To Experience and … Trail Of Dead – adopting the former’s lavish storytelling and the latter’s sonic bombast.

Opener The Birth And Death Of The Day typifies Explosions’ layered approach; repetitive guitar noodling has first shimmering cymbals then a deeper riff lovingly laid down on its bed, a whispering kiss placed on its forehead for good measure. In their previous offerings (most notably 2001’s Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Live Forever) the descending assault that follows was as brutal as its ascent was beautiful. As demonstrated here, while EITS’s penchant for tugging bruisingly at the heartstrings is still underlying, theirs is now a more construed, angled and deliberate tweak. See What Do You Go Home To?, for example; a fiveminute piano-led romance.

Catastrophe And The Cure unites these past and present; it’s nurtured, ethereal guitar waves crash out of time against a coast of drums and bass. It’s the album’s stand out track, and does more than breathe life back into a tiring genre. God bless Texas. 9/10 Sam Coare

THIRTYFIVE

MUSIC

PHOTO: ADAM GASSON

e live live live live live live live live live live live live

Molina

at the Sun THE BRONX: Staring

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h, the Kerrang! Tour.

Seemingly named after a Beano sound effect, and probably twice as derivative and puerile. Only at the Kerrang! Tour could a 20 year old man wear shorts and a wallet chain and not be roundly abused.

Anyway, I can usually judge a band within about 10 seconds of seeing them on stage, and so when a man who looks quite similar to a balding geography teacher hobbles on stage, but then spends a full 20 seconds screaming like a robot vomiting Meccano, I know I’m in for a treat. The Bronx plough through your preconceptions, only stopping to kick the living fuck out of your eardrums on the way, and I bloody love them. A truly fantastic set.

Therefore, quite why they are playing second fiddle to Biffy Clyro is beyond me, as ‘the Biffy’ are so undeserving of their adulation that it actually offends me.

Yeah, they’ve got a few decentish rock numbers, but nothing that grabs me and says ‘Just fucking listen to this, will you?’ which The Bronx have in bucketloads, and that is why, if brands like Kerrang! insist on giving dull established bands the nod over white hot new talent, their field of music will remain as turgid and boring as ever. Ben Marshall

THIRTYSIX

0º Of

Separation

Thursday Januar y 18th

St. George Hall

Sunday Januar y 14th

Great Hall

Kerrang! Tour

Vetiver

ADEM, VASHTI BUNYAN, VETIVER AND JUANA MOLINA JOIN TOGETHER LIKE A BIG FAMILY FOR BRISTOL’S VIEWING PLEASURE.

F

or those who, for some bizarre reason, may not be convinced by 0º of Separation's quadruple bill, the sight of the evening’s instrumental itinerary alone serves as confirmation that something special is going down.

The pre-performance murmur of Bristol’s folkly minded, from the crinkly eyed tweed wearers to spray on denim’d and bearded, who are gathered in George’s hall, is charged with curiosity at the painted toy pianos large and small, squeeze box, ukulele, lovely, lovely autoharp, a horde of tiny metal chimes and bells, pedals upon pedals and more. All of which are literally covering the stage.

Despite the disconcerning lack of space, the evening proceedings are transformed from the anticipated sequence of performances into one beautiful collaborative love in of all four acts, joined also, if I'm not mistaken, by members of Elysian Quartet.

What joy, to see the lead tossed

Vashti Bunyan from one gracious host to another, as favourite Bunyan’s softly-softly vocals are treated to a delicate embellishment from what has become a miniature orchestra of oddities and the nostalgic Americana twang of Vetiver, whose Been So Long must have been made for Adem, lends a hand to Juana Molina, champion of Argentine hypnotic loopings and surprise star of the event. As Adem and Vashti share vocals on one last lilting ballad or the entire heaving team rounds bands together for a rousing rendition of a Stones song you get the idea you’re experiencing something a bit exclusive, maybe intimate. The hall gets a little smaller and you might even reach out for your neighbour’s hand. But I won’t, just in case it actually is Devendra after all. Fionnuala Coombs

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC

live live live live live live live live live live live live liv

T

Thursday Januar y 18th

W

Solus

Goldie Lookin’ Chai n

ales is not known for its vibrant Rap scene, in fact, I can’t think of many countries more completely removed from the genre. Needless to say, then, that when GLC invaded the UK singles chart in 2004 the world was caught rather off guard.

Ok, so this might not be rap as you’ve heard it before, but the group’s ironic yet entirely convincing

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

chav caricature has a unique allure inviting fans from a bizarre blend of social groupings. Any differences in tonight’s crowd, however, are quickly forgotten as set opener Your Missus Is a Nutter is met with an emphatic response from the sea of vintage Fila tracksuits.

Despite mostly drawing from the group’s two major releases, GLC also use the occasion to introduce a handful of new songs. Their hilarious sampling of Nelly Furtado’s Man-eater to incorporate the hook ‘She’s your Nan Rita’ leaves the audience caught between dubious

PHOTO: LEE GOLDUP

Blood Brothers

CLWB IFOR BACH

While it’s not just the internal organs Gang mentality rips limb from limb he task of breathing the first of band members that are at risk as track after track from recent signs of life into tonight’s tonight, as a stake is danced right release Young Machetes is effortexpectant rabble fell to grubby through each traitorous heart imprislessly sent punching through the pop kids Help She Can’t Swim. oned behind its bars. Bones can’t sticky air. Opener Set Fire To The Armed with all the rock and spittle save you now.

Face On Fire sees a plethora of outof a dirty garage practice and the Each well-timed moment of spite stretched palms grabbing and punchmischief and zest of a lethal water filled poetry falls recklessly between ing at the notes being flecked into balloon. Mixing shambolic genius the cracks of this well woven tapesthe space just above their heads, and downright mess to take the try of unrelenting musical force. like money in the wind. As machine mood to the very edge of zeal.

You're the Dream, Unicorn!, also from gun screams, leap frog spit out Bouncing off the already electric the most recent atmosphere and clameffort, has all the bering on stage, The zap and vigour of Blood Brothers curiously an accomplished fresh faced band memarmy of twee popbers send an onslaught h Thursday Januar y 25t sters lyrically, of wild horses galloping while being as straight through the guts scrumptiously of every single person venom filled as standing within these ever. Evoking four walls, creating vibraunknown feelings tions from the spleen in all quarters, upwards. It’s a relentless equal portions of attack on the soul from your being long to the off. squirm with dancThis Seattle based ing passion and mish-mash of musical flail in angry rage. experimentation serves The encore to create a style all their sees Whitney own, as impossible to THE BLOOD BROTHERS: Chalk (Blilie) and Cheese (Whitney) smear unusually pin down as the inspiraclear cut vocals tion behind it; grunge across the silence of the mist filled words, the incredible use of rhythm through jazz, each adds it own over noise weaves this ultimate party room, a voice encased in a ball of impression. vitriol, clattering into itself. Blilie beat into an irresistible spiral of Platinum stained Johnny Whitney adds simple effect with a knock, madness; it’s crystallized catastroand gaunt stick insect Jordan Blilie knock, knock of microphone against phe. front up this cannon ball of bile, increasingly visible skull. And with Interspersed deep soulful throwing up spiked columns of thunthis death rattle still resonating in moments place another important derous noise out of which fires the ear drums of those below they brick in this increasingly groundsweet spiky vocal pools, dripping clamber off stage once again, leaving breaking sound, looking longingly with something different. Morgan as shaking an audience, with swept into your eyes like a lover and really Henderson’s undercurrent of bass back hair and as many questions as meaning it. The slower moments cuts through it all, making everything when they arrived. Sofie Jenkinson lean against the vigorous backlash. it touches inescapably addictive.

“

Your Missus Is a Nutter is met with an emphatic response from the sea of vintage Fila tracksuits dance shapes and fits of laughter.

Whilst GLC would readily concede that their act is a complete novelty, it’s this honesty and jocular attitude which makes them such a pleasure to observe...you knows it!

Kyle Ellison

THIRTYSEVEN

MUSIC

singles singles singles singles singles singles sinTHE ENEMY It’s Not OK Stiff Records

The single cover looks like something Rage Against The Machine would release, but that’s where the similarity ends. This Namby-pamby tune certainly fails to whip up any kind of frenzy and leaves the listener unenthused. Revolution? Nah….

Can’t be bothered .4/10 JA

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE Famous Last Words Reprise Records

Yes! This is great, Gerard sings the first few lines in an affected Devonshire drawl. It’s nice to see an American band affecting an English accent (and a damn fine one at that) for once, rather than vice versa.

MCR make top-draw pop-metal, and this is no exception.

8/10 HS

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE QUEEN Kingdom of Doom Parlaphone

If Damon Albarn cooked for a living he’d be a master chef. Kingdom of Doom takes all the best ingredients from his surrounding musicians only to create something completely indi-

6 Baked & bladdered

The FUN way to fill your fortnight...

9

FRIDAY

The Noisettes/Foals at Clwb [girl fronted grimey rock splash bodily juice ]

13

TUESDAY

DJ Moneyshot and DJ Kovas at Buffalo [most delightful drum’n’bass]

THIRTYEIGHT

vidual. Drenched in a glorious melancholy, the track sounds tortured and nostalgic as Albarn mourns over his fading image of London. 8/10 KE

DARTZ! Once Twice Again

Extra Mile Recordings

As this mouth wateringly tempting aperitif fizzes up the sides of a small yet beautifully crafted glass, Dartz! show just what they are capable of. Smooth vocals jump over and duck under the spiky guitar loops and soft disco drums. It grabs you by the ears and then the feet but it’s certainly only a drop in the ocean of what they are capable of. 7/10 SJ

WILLY MASON Save Myself It’s been a long two years since Willy Mason released his debut LP Hard Hand to Hold, this single Save Myself is a much welcome return to our stereos. Though not destined to become another alt country classic (see Oxygen) it is a solid if slightly unspectacular little number. Though I can’t help but feel that he could write such tracks with his eyes closed. 8/10 WH

The Wave Picturess at Clwb Ifor Bach [Bloc Party have sold out, so trundle down to Clwb]

10

SATURDAY

Virgin

Air have produced a nice enough track here. It floats around a well worked melody, but really goes nowhere. I expected more from the veterans of ambient. 6/10 MR

30 SECONDS TO MARS Attack Virgin Records

I can imagine emotionally retarded frat boys screaming along to this in their pick-up trucks because they've worn out all their Linkin Park CDs. Yes, it really is that bad. 1/10 GF

CANCER BATS French immersion Distort

Virgin

TUESDAY

AIR Once Upon A Time

7

It’s great that more bands are daring to go down the Corrosion of Conformity/Down road within the metal genre, but it really is one of those things that just just sounds shithouse if it’s not done right. There just seems to be a lot of compromise, as if everything is either toned down or made sensible. Nothing about punk or metal should be toned down or made sensible.

4/10 MR

WEDNESDAY

Patrick Wolf at Barfly [The over the top multi instrumentalist-mentalist hits up the ‘fly’]

11

SUNDAY

8

THURSDAY

Plan B at Solus [London’s leading acoustic hip-hop]

12

MONDAY

Future of the Left at Clwb Ifor Bach [M usic ed Sofie’s local fav ourite]

NME Indie Rave Tour at Solus [band wagon?

NME, jump right on]

Fun Factory at Solus [you know what goes down here...]

14

15

16

WEDNESDAY

The Hussys at Barfly [they’ll sleep with almost anybody]

THURSDAY

Attack and Defen d Single launch at Clw b Ifor Bach

FRIDAY

Breakfast Club Vs Hyena at Buffalo [rooms full of music called ‘80s and electro’]

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

MUSIC

T

BRAZIL

he popularity of world music tends to peak at certain times and dip in others, this has been particularly true throughout the history of Brazilian music.

From Samba developing into the national sound of Brazil, helping to create a true Brazilian identity, to the fashionable trend in Bossa Nova, through to the more digitalised types of traditional styles, the musical history is intricate and maps out much of the social change. With European and African musical influences in similar quantities within the Brazilian hybrid, it is one of the most lively and infectious styles around.

SALVADOR DE BAHIA Salvador de Bahia is located on the north-east coast of Brazil and was its first capital city after its colonisa-

tion by Portuguese settlers in the 1500s. Due to its past as a great port reaching back to the slave era its African roots are strong.

OLODUM Not only a band but a cultural group as well, offering activities to young people and helping to combat racism. Their unique brand of samba regaee is widely acclaimed and is a big part of the carnival each year.

They are easily identified by their big drums and have worked with Paul Simon and Michael Jackson.

SÃO PAOLO Is the capital of the state by the same name in the south east of Brazil. Both highly populated and metropolitan in its type.

CANSEI DE SER SEXY Brazilian filth-peddlers CSS (or ‘I'm Tired of Being Sexy’) are destined for great things, dishing out their hot electro shenanigans and taking on the world. With two UK singles Let’s Make Love And Listen To Death From Above and Alala under their belts and a re-release of their self-titled album in the pipeline it’s going to be all go for this bunch. Fantastically different and completely insatiable.

BRAZILIAN MUSIC IN CARDIFF If you fancy a little slice of Brazilian magic in your life then get your sweet asses down to Batacuda Basics at The Modell Inn and get those hips loose. For more info on the night and Brazilian music: www.spillersrecords.co.uk/brazil/ Sofie Jenkinson

Rock Vs. Rave

Which side are you on?

It’s the first time ever that NME have launched two tours at the same time and thus we are graced with eight of the most talked about bands around in just two days. Few are good, some are average, most are bad; however the question on everyone’s lips (or rather, no one’s lips at all) is Rock vs Rave. According to NME the worlds of rock and indie dance are finally coming together. It seemed the whole Manchester 80s New Order scene went over the heads of the entire editorial team. To be honest the best indie rave band around are the Rapture and they’re not playing.

Anyhoo, there’s a lot of bands on.

Someone will like it....

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

RO C K

V RAVE

It really hasn’t been long since pop punksters The Automatic played a little acoustic set in the taf and now, once again they return to wreak havoc in our dear sweet union. Having lately had more radio play than anyone band deserves, here come The View, we can only wonder...have they changed trousers yet? Once again The Horrors take the stage, still taking lessons from the Russel Brand school of fashion though. And finally Mumm-ra, but a thundercats name doesn’t maketh a band, so let’s see if these kids live up to the hype.

Finally the full length set we all deserve from Klaxons arrives in Cardiff, from clwb support slot to the Great Hall in one easy step. Glosticks yeah? Filthy electro godess Love Foxxx leads her gang CSS hips first into our lovely red brick palace.

More electrofied post-britpop than rave The Sunshine Underground happen up their biggest Cardiff date as of yet. The second grimey electro strumpet of the evening comes along with tasty package New Young Pony Club, all slow beats, ripping guitar and dulcet tones. SJ

THIRTYNINE

MUSIC

Behind the music...

Alex Miller Alex Miller is currently the live editor at NME. From the first album he owned, Appetite for Destruction by Guns ‘n’ Roses, through to his brief fling with britpop he began to forge his own unique musical taste. Now safely at the dizzy heights of a national music publication and with a batman background on MySpace he seems the kind of interesting chap worth asking important questions....

WHAT DO YOU DO? Well I’m currently the live editor at NME. And what I do is look in my big book, (the NME live diary 2007) with lots of different stickers on like The Horrors and Beck and like the dutiful editor I am I decide which gigs I want to send people to. I get in touch which the people who look after the bands and hopefully they say ‘Yeah, sweet!’, and then I go find some writers and I say ‘Write about it!’. Then I go to the pictures desk and like a flash they come up with some kind of genius photogra-

Vs Miller?

BIOLOGY: Tweedy

FORTY

pher who goes down the front and takes some great photos of the gig.

The copy comes back and I read it and it’s either great and I fall down at the feet of the writer and say, ‘You’re a genius,’ or I say, ‘You’re a fool…go and rewrite it’ and they do and it’s great. Then I give it to the brilliant subs who go through it with a fine tooth comb and pick out all the mistakes I, as a dyslexic, don’t see. Then it goes to the designers who make it all ace. And it’s great.

WHY DO YOU DO IT? I love music and I always have…and I’m shit at it! So I thought this was a good way to get into gigs and try and make myself important, ha! And get everyone else to listen to what I’m ranting about…well they read it but they don’t necessarily agree. It’s just exciting to get to meet and interview people who you like and respect and just to be involved with all the bands and their music. Plus you get to travel and you get free CDs! You don’t make any money but that’s OK because nobody wants to make money anyway otherwise they wouldn’t be writers.

HOW DID YOU GET STARTED? I started writing for my student paper in Leeds, if I’m honest not that much, I should have done more. Then just some local fanzines and I did a column about Leeds for Artrocker. Then I got NME writer Tim Jonze’s email address and started sending him my stuff and he was like, ‘Yeah this is shit.’, then eventually, ‘Yeah this is a bit better, do this and stop doing this.’ In Novmember 2005 I had my first thing printed in NME and then I finished uni and managed to

crowbar my way into the office.

WHAT’S COMING UP WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT? Klaxons’ album which shows they’re not the trendy scensters everyone predicted they would be. Arcade Fire coming back, the world stands up, applauds and cheers because the most exciting band for fucking ages is returning and then in a couple of moments we’ll be back in festival season again. The rise of the twang is going to be immense, they’re gonna be like fucking Oasis man!

Watching the rest of the world realise CSS are fucking geniuses about a year after we all did when they re-release their album. The NME tours, why put on one amazing tour when you can put on two? I like the idea of one half the country is body popping while the other is moshing. It’s a way of reaching a conceptual completism in each line up and an excuse for us to have twice as many parties!

ONE CURRENT AND ONE ALL-TIME FAVOURITE RECORD? Klaxons’ album Myths Of The Near Future is an enormously confident, ambious, dark yet undoubtably pop record, it’s completely insane. Over in 35 minutes and absolutely relentess. Obsessed with devil worship as much as it is with raving in London. It’s unique and exciting and really shows their quality and potential. And one all time favourite is Hounds Of Love by Kate Bush, sharing a pop aesthetic with avant-garde and ambious set of songs. Dance songs to weird songs with bagpipes, skating on the ice and drowing under it at the same time. I only really chose it because I was listening to it last night. Ha.

ALSO...

Alex’s best moment of last year was spontaneously breaking into the dance for Biology with Cheryl and Nadine from Girls Aloud. “It’s one of the best songs ever! I was standing right by them when it came on and they started doing the dance from the video, then everyone started copying them.

It was like something out of a film, it was ace!”

Sofie Jenkinson

MUSIC@GAIRRHYDD.COM

F I L M

N E W S

FILM film@gairrhydd

By Ryan Owen Film Editor

R

ight, editorials are rubbish so: trivia and other ramblings of randomness. Let the film fabulosity begin...

Triviageddon

BATTLE ROYALE: Ban this sick filth

BATTLE ROYALE WITH CHEESE

Oh Lord. Never an advocate of the trend for generally rubbish American remakes of classic Asian films, I was heartbroken to hear the news that Hollywood has finally taken the plunge on one of my all-time favourites.

The astounding Japanese dramaaction-satire-teen movie Battle Royale, which features an island of 15-year olds instructed to kill each other within three days lest their explosive neck collars go off, is a bona-fide classic. I presumed it was on a pedestal of Asian cinema, a cult classic that the Americans wouldn’t touch but alas it has been defiled.

Expect a 2008 release date for the unclean ‘re-imagining.’.

M ORE

SHARPE 2000

We’ve always said it here at Quench film, never show Sean Bean the front page of the Sun, but no-one listened.

So here it is, Outlaw, the latest in a series of films so centered on grittyunrealism that they not only put British cinema back 20 years but make us all look like a bunch of wankers to boot. Co-starring Danny ‘professional Cockney (with the emphasis on cock)’ Dyer and Bob ‘good to talk’ Hoskins, Outlaw, from Football Factory director Nick Love, centres around Captain Sharpe (Mr Bean) as he leaves the army (we’re guessing dishonorable discharge of some sort) and endeavours on a ‘name and maim’ quest of epic preportions.

Come back to Hollywood, Paul. Everyone misses you, they’re just too scared to say it. An often underrated and much maligned director.

Batty Dutchman Paul Verhoeven Verhoeven is responsible for directing Robocop, Basic Instinct and Starship Troopers. They have all spun atrocious sequels. Even Hollow Man got one.

L ESS

T

ony Scott, the director of Top Gun, originally envisaged said film as ‘Apocalypse Now on an aircraft carrier.’

Interweb funny www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg mCBKPHnSY www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifw BRRg1s5w

Where’s Wally?

In Apocalypto, that’s where! www.youtube.com/watch?v =Xwr16bpqWPE

Image of the Week

Rubbish sequels based on Verhoeven’s stuff On DVD: ! A Scanner Darkly ! Tideland ! The Man Who Fell to Earth (special edition) ! Clerks 2 ! Click In cinemas: ! Black Book ! Rocky Balboa ! The Last King of Scotland ! The Fountain ! Apocalypto ! Babel ! Bobby ! The Pursuit of Happyness ! Night at the Museum ! Perfume

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Brian Blessed with a donkey

FORTYONE

FILM Surprisingly a thought-provoking dramatic film that manages to be enter taining with perplexing performances

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Critters 3’s Leonardo DiCaprio, Labyrinth’s Jennifer Connelly and Gladiator stalwart Djimon Hounsou talk to Quench’s Ryan Owen about...

Blood Diamond

eo seems to be in a jovial mood. And rightly so. It’s roughly two hours before the Oscar nominations are announced, with DiCaprio touted to be nominated for his role in Blood Diamond.

In view of the Oscars, he had good reason to be jovial, with a nomination for Best Actor in addition to his co-star Djimon Hounsou getting the nod for his supporting role.

The film was also successful in getting nominated in three other categories.

Let me set the scene for you. A refreshed northerner awakes from his slumber in a plush £250 a night suite (thank you Warner Brothers), upon a king sized bed. A knock at the door, a minute later and one Quench film editor has a complimentary breakfast in hand. Fully nourished, film Ryan makes his way to Claridges hotel, where rooms are 600 euros a night and the staff call you Mr Ryan. Furnished with a brown skinny tie and complimentary alcoholic drink in hand, Ryan passes one Jonathan Ross, and enters the hotel reception room where part of Notting Hill was filmed, taking a seat. Enter the stars of Critters 3 and Labyrinth...

LEONARDO DICAPRIO: Fighting against conflict diamonds

FORTYTWO

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM Leonardo talks in particular about visiting Africa. “Growing up in the western world and seeing some of the things we saw, not to mention the immense natural beauty of Africa, and seeing the way that people live there every day was pretty inspiring for all of us, and makes you come back home and question what any of us have to complain about.”

It seems to have inspired Leonardo to become involved with charities, in particular, working with SOS: Save our Souls, as well as the local orphanage in Mozambique.

Following on from this, there seems to be a general consensus among the cast and crew to continue their work with organisations like Amnesty International and Global Witness. It appears that they honestly want to get the message across about conflict diamonds, and it isn’t just a publicity stunt, revolving around the film’s success.

The discussion turns to the strong South African accent the actor affected for the film.

“Well... the South African sound was a complete foreign and alien sound to me, and having not spent a lot of time in Africa, it was not only important to go there early to lock down the accent the best I could, but just to get the general attitude that some of these mercenaries; some of these soldiers of fortune; some of these men that have fought wars in Angola; some of the people that have seen some of the atrocities that have gone on; and try and capture their bitterness or mixed emotions towards the continent that they’re from.”

It’s admirable that you never doubt DiCaprio’s believabllity or motives as he is so rooted in his character. Leo delves into how he achieved this characterisation and brought a believability to the role.

“Initially going there, there’s a hardened shell that surrounds a lot of these guys and I was pretty surprised coming from America, where I incorporated the line that Americans love to talk about your feelings, from my experiences from hanging with some of these South African oaks.

Because it was very hard for them to divulge anything about their attitudes on Africa or their mixed emotions about the politics there or of experiences at war, it did take a certain

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

amount of taking them out to various bars and getting them drunk and rehashing past demons. That was some of the most beneficial stuff for me. It helped shaped my character and made me understand some of the emotional turmoil that my character had gone through.”

When visualising the encounter between film star and South African oak, you have to ask him, did he go as himself? Showing quick wit, Leo cracks, “In what way? Did I go out in a disguise? (laughter) Did I smuggle them into a bar? (more laughter) No I just kinda walked in.”

There seems to be a certain negative portrayal of Leonardo DiCaprio in the media, as with many celebrities, but from the way he talks, he seems different, exuding the air of a thoroughly nice bloke and one who it must be a pleasure to work with.

He’s very generous and giving when talking about working with his co-stars Jennifer Connelly and Djimon Hounsou in Mkutu: “There’s a certain element of camaraderie that exists there when on location and when you’re forced to be in each

“

Baboons raided our mini-bar

Jennifer Connelly on frivilous fun

other’s space constantly.

The film takes central focus with everyone, and you don’t go back home to your comfortable lifestyle and your daily ritual where you live.

Certainly in a place like Africa, not just the environment but the political landscape - that was surrounding us all the time and the issues were there, we could draw upon stories from other people, and I felt that we were constantly sharing information about the place that we were filming in. I think that it affected all of our characters and it affected our relationships with each other as characters.”

In the press conference with Jennifer Connely and Djimon Hounsou, journos are pushing for a bit of gossip. Leo quips in retort, “Were there any comedic moments?

Any fun things happen on set? (laughter) I can’t remember a damn thing.”

At which point Jennifer Connelly enlightens us. “We had baboons in our room, they raided the mini-bar, (laughter) literally they did, they ate candy bars, we came back and they were bouncing on the bed, we had little footprints on the couch.” Blood

BLOOD DIAMOND Dir: Ed Zwick Out Now, 143 mins

Set against the backdrop of civil war and chaos in 1990s Sierra Leone, this is the story of a common quest to recover a rare pink diamond.

B

lood Diamond is surprisingly brilliant and worthy of its five oscar nominations.

DiCaprio, Hounsou and Connelly turn in some startling performances here, which allow us to concentrate on the atrocities that are present and later to empathise with the characters.

Furthermore, the editing draws us in during tense chase sequences that for instance Apocalypto fails to do.

With all the forces at work here, they work together to produce a thought-provoking dramatic film that manages to be entertaining at the same time.

After The Last Samurai, one could be excused for dismissing Zwick’s work, however here it is nothing less than monumental.

Ryan Owen

FORTYTHREE

FILM

BOBBY S

everal years in the making, Bobby, the pet project of writer / director Emilio Estevez, who also cast himself in a small role, follows an ensemble cast, as they exist together in an LA hotel on the day of an assassination that was to become key in American history.

Estevez’s interest in the assassination of Robert F Kennedy seemed to be initiated at the time it occurred, when he was only six years old: “I saw the announcement on television and I ran to tell my father who had been a Kennedy supporter for a long time. It was terrible.”

His screenplay was completed in 2001, though there was a struggle to get the film into production - no American companies were willing to take on the topic - and then there were issues with funding. However, Estevez managed to enlist an entourage of stars with whose help he was able to ready Bobby first for the Venice Film Festival, and now for general release.

The cast list - comprised almost entirely of cult actors - is fairly daunting. Anthony Hopkins appears as a retired doorman, too inclined towards the hotel to leave; Laurence Fishburne plays the sous-chef, in charge of waiter Freddy Rodriguez who just wants time off to go to the ball game; he is prevented by his racist and lecherous boss, Christian Slater; Lindsay Lohan plays the young bride who is marrying Elijah Wood, a student she barely knows,

FORTYFOUR

stigates Roseanna Eastoe inved it a film so celeb-packe r a copy could be mistaken fo of Heat

to save him from being drafted to Vietnam; there is also a spot for Daddy Estevez, Martin Sheen, alongside the wonderful William H. Macy, Ashton Kutcher, Sharon Stone, Demi Moore and a ridiculous number of others.

One problem with enlisting extensive stars was scheduling: “It was like 'Sharon is available six days and we need to schedule Demi on these days and Christian somewhere else…’It was a giant jigsaw,” bemoans Estevez. For example, despite Lohan's storyline constituting a reasonable segment of the narrative, she was only available for around 3 days - which had to collide with the actors from those scenes.

This hectic agenda led to what the director describes as 'guerrilla style filmmaking', claiming that 90-95% was shot on steadycam and hand-

Bobby: The review Bobby follows the experiences of people around the event of Kennedy’s death - those staying or working in the hotel of the shooting.

It attempts to intertwine several stories and fabricate a patchwork of humanity; however, the overall effect is that the myriad of cult actors are all clambering for the screen to prove their moral worthiness.

Each distinct set of characters is used to represent one particular topic: there are the 'isn't-racismbad' characters, the 'boo-Vietnam' characters and the '60s-drugs-

held. This is evident in the movie; however, it tends to lend an air of realism rather than rashness, especially in the quite harrowing tracking shot of the crescendo in the kitchen.

The issues explored in Bobby can be seen to resonate with modern American politics: racism, class difficulties, and especially concern over the legitimacy of an American war.

However, Slater claims that the film is less in resonance with the practicalities of politics and more a ‘call out for a candidate like (Kennedy).’

So in light of the recently diminishing distinction between film and politics, with Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor of California and Al Gore's global warming campaign manifesto An Inconvenient Truth, what are the chances of our own Tony Blair spilling across onto the silver screen? “Well,” muses Estevez, “he's certainly photogenic.” wahay' characters.

Although Estevez describes them as “emblematic”, they seem mere vehicles for issues. No person is explored in any depth, as anything more than the debate they signify.

Although reputedly Estevez wanted his brother - Charlie Sheen - to play Kennedy, he instead opted to incorporate archive footage. This is cut roughly in and doesn't really flow with the other shots. Still, the documentary effect does elevate the sense of realism that haunts the highlight of the film, the quite macabre Out Now, 131 mins shooting itself.

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM Looking Ahead

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM Dir: Shawn Levy Starring: Ben Stiller, Robin Williams, Owen Wilson

FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS Dir: Clint Eastwood Starring: Ryan Phillippe, Adam Beach Out Now, 132 mins

U

nforgiven demystifies the western. Million Dollar Baby demystifies the boxing movie.

Guess what? Flags Of Our Fathers demystifies the war film.

Co-scribed by Paul Haggis, this elucidates the roles and myths of heroes within war, as well as looking into THAT photographic image that represented so much but explores its creation as nothing.

Ryan Owen

Out Now, 95 mins

Absurd, but it's worth remembering that this is a story about a museum that comes to life, never meant to be a factual drama. It’s consistently funny from start to finish with some great computer effects. Kids will love it and parents might appreciate the fast-paced laughs.

Similarly to Home Alone, this is a relentless attack on the senses to wake you from your slumber.

Matt Horwood

PERFUME

DEJA VU

Dir: Tom Tykwer Starring: Ben Whishaw, Dustin Hoffman

Dir: Tony Scott Starring: Denzel Washington, Val Kilmer

Out Now, 140 mins

J

ean-Baptiste Grenouille is born amidst fish-heads and faeces in a reeking Parisian market.

From this pungent start, he develops a superior olfactory sense, leading him to pioneer dark perfumery techniques (although conveying smell is cinematically unfeasible, incessant squelching sounds do help). Worth seeing for Grenouille’s fuming beauty, and the mass orgies he induces.

Roseanna Eastoe

FILMS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Out Now, 128 mins

I

t is a phenomenon known as déjà vu. It is a phenomenon known as déjà vu.

Sorry, that was a very obvious way to start a review, I apologise, don't blame me though, blame Tony. If you're going to make a film called Déjà Vu, don't make it exactly like all your other movies, that's just making it far too easy for us unimaginative journo types; dull, senseless, and a shirtless Denzel Washington.

Si Truss

2006 has certainly been a year to remember, whether it was the action packed Casino Royale or the arguably immoral Borat, there has undoubtedly been something that's caught your eye on the big screen. But with 2007 knocking loudly on the door, what lies ahead for film fans in the New Year?

As one of the most awaited films of 2007, Spider-man 3 is certain to cause a stir at the box office. Scheduled for release in May this year, the third in the series sees Spider-man avenge the death of a family member and battle long lost friend Harry Osborne. This is reportedly the last in the series and with a record breaking $250 million dollar budget.

Fans of Pirates of the Caribbean have been awaiting the final part of the trilogy since the captivating Dead Man's Chest of July this year, also expected to hit the cinemas in May, the final in the series promises to be as gripping as ever as we witness Johnny Depp et al take to the seas for the third and final time.

J.K Rowling's Harry Potter is set to make its fifth appearance in cinemas on the 13th July. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is now in post production. In the latest movie Harry returns to Hogwarts for his fifth year of study and is shocked to discover that his recent encounter with evil Lord Voldermort is being played down by the wizarding community. After a new defence against the dark arts teacher is appointed Harry starts "Dumbledore's Army" in order to train for the inevitable battle that lies ahead.

28 weeks later... is the sequel to the successful 28 days later...

America has finally restored order to the chaotic capital and is finally allowing refugees to repopulate the ghost town. One of the refugees is unwittingly carrying the virus, leading to another outbreak of the deadly disease. If you fancy seeing London deserted for a change, 28 weeks later... is released on the 11th May 2007.

Matt Horwood

FORTYFIVE

FILM ROCKY BALBOA Dir: Sylvester Stallone Starring: see above Out Now, 102 mins

R

ocky Balboa is like a chirpy Rocky Marciano in post-career decline, except with as much saccharine and sentimentality injected into the film as Stallone has of botox in his face.

This is most evident when Bill Conti's theme kicks in, juxtaposed with the usual montage of punching meat as well as K9’s less successful APOCALYPTO brother being held aloft at the steps.

Yes, nostalgia is felt…along with the Dir: Mel Gibson word ‘dafty’ being uttered at Stallone.

Starring: Rudy However, the fight scenes are Youngblood devoid of ingenuity and lead one to suspect that Sky Sports were hired to film the climax, clashing horribly with Out Now, 139 mins what came before. If that wasn’t enough Rocky is a shadow of his former self, barely able to speak a full n essence this is a chase movie, word without Brandoing it up. Or is it contained within a contrived plot, his Mam’s botox? Either way, bring on and a pretenious backdrop.

Rambo IV: The Wrath of Skegness.

It features brutal violence that Ryan Owen has its roots in cannibal and raperevenge films of the 80s, catering to an immune and desensitised audiBABEL ence, but failing to reinvigorate the Dir: Alejandro genre. The only highlight is a dead González Iñárritu ‘Where’s Wally’ lying on a pile of Starring: Brad Pitt corpses... available in selected screenings.

Out Now, 142 mins Ryan Owen

I

H

ere, Iñárritu weaves four interlocking stories that are linked by the shot of a bullet, delving into isolation, youth, family, immigration, terrorism.

The cast are perfect, but relative newcomer Rinko Kikuchi excels. Also, the editing pulls you into each character, and lingers long enough so that when it pulls you out, you feel a momentary loss. The cinematography and sound are sublime, working its magic most poignantly when a teenage deaf girl called Chieko is in a Tokyo disco, mixing the vivid visuals with the almost silent audio. For fans of Crash, Babel has far more depth and less contrivences than that film, and has more poetry than many filmmakers will achieve in their lifetime.

Film of the year.

Ryan Owen

FORTYSIX

DREAMGIRLS Dir: Bill Condon Starring: Jamie Foxx, Beyoncé Knowles, Eddie Murphy Out Now, 131 mins

B

ased on the 1981 Broadway musical comes Dreamgirls.

With the recent nominations, one would have high expectations, however this is not the case.

Granted, Eddie Murphy gives excellent vocal work as well as portraying all the facets of a drug addledcelebrity, however the remaining characters reside in stereotype and are not explored enough. Generic and dull.

Ryan Owen

THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND Dir: Kevin McDonald Starring: Forest Whitaker, James McAvoy

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS Dir: Gabriele Muccino Starring: Will Smith, Jaden Smith

Out Now, 121 mins

F

orest Whitaker is the heart beating at the centre of Kevin McDonald’s flawed but likeable feature.

His Idi Amin is harrowing, a man losing all grasp on reality as Uganda slowly crumbles from the tyranny he subjects it to. McAvoy lends able support in his role as the fictional Scottish doctor Nicholas Carrigan (McAvoy). However, it lacks realism in its contrived final third.

Ewen Hosie

Out Now, 117 mins

T

he concept of Will Smith as a struggling salesman and single parent sounds horrific.

However the finished result isn’t.

Here, the Fondas in On Golden Pond comes to mind, as Smith manages to bring an authenticity to the role that is earth-shatteringly endearing.

With this powerhouse performance of subtlety, you lose all preconceptions and you really empathise with him and his son.

Ryan Owen

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

FILM

A

s a teenager Darren Aronofsky led the life of a pretty typical middle class, New York teen.

Dabbling in hip-hop culture and spending a brief spell as a graffiti artist, always harbouring the ambitions of a young filmmaker, Aronofsky spent years soaking up the nuances of a city that has inspired so many cinematic greats (see also Scorcesse).

It was at Harvard University, where Aronofsky studied film that he began to break into the industry. The films he made around his time at Harvard, which contributed to his course credit, Supermarket Sweep, Fortune Cookie and Protazoa, were enough for Aronofsky to begin to make an impression on the indie cinema scene.

“

One member of the crew always had to be on hand to act as a lookout for the authorities

His first proper film, PI, was made for a mere $60,000, something not so suprising when you take into account the kind of budget cuts made. The fact that Aronofsky didn’t pay for the rights to film at any of the locations, so one member of the crew always had to be on hand to act as a lookout for the authorities.

The result of PI was a tense and exciting art film that rocketed Aronofsky into the limelight of cult cinema. It was his second film however, an adaptation of Hurbert Selby Jr’s novel Requiem for a Dream, that would see him take a further step into the realms of mainstream film.

Starring Jared Leto and managing the incredible task of getting a good performance out of Marlon Wyans, Requiem’s look at drug addiction in a surreal futuristic New York suburb takes a higher budget and well known actors and mixes them with Aranofsky’s trademark erratic editing; Requiem contains over four times as many cuts as average Hollywood movies.

His newest work, The Fountain, is opening to a mixture of rave reviews and out and out criticism, not suprising regarding its ambitious storyline, set over 1,000 years, the most futuristic of which were specially grown and filmed in petri dishes.

DARREN FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

The Fountain: The review The Fountain is a love story that spans three separate narratives that intertwine in a poetic manner. Darren Aronofsky’s use of the camera in a repetitive manner is reminiscent of 2001, and in its constant movement keeps a constant pace.

The frame is saturated with breathtaking tones and colour, and the golden hues are almost ethereal. The representation of space is something never seen before, using digital macrophotography to capture biocultures emulating a space environment.

Only Aronofsky would think of such a thing. The soundscape that adorns these dizzying visuals that are visually arresting, help keep this intense pace as does Jackman who is astutely driven as the partner seeking for an almost impossible cure, shunning technology for the cure, but by seeking to extend his wife’s life, he is absent for the remainder of her life. How poetic. Flummoxly brilliant.

Out Now, 90 mins

Booed at Cannes, ign ences and slated by ored by American audibe forgiven for think many critics, you could quite a work of geniuing The Fountain isn’t else would we devotes. You’d be wrong, why director; Mr Darren Ar a whole page to the onofsky.

FORTYSEVEN

NEW DELIVERY POINTS AVAILABLE

FOR 2007

Pick up a copy of gair rhydd and Quench in coffee shops, hairdressers, private halls of residence and letting agencies around Cathays and Roath

gairrhydd

FILM

dvds

Bateman’s Best CLERKS 2 Out February 19th fter promising the return of the Clerks at the end of Dogma (a film which was itself prematurely promised in the end credits of Clerks) Smith was quoted on several different occasions as saying he would never return to the lives of Dante Hicks and Randall Graves, yet here we are.

Clerks 2 has been a film that divided fans of the original even before production had ever begun. For some this was going to be the film for which they’d been waiting on so long, while others were left quaking, praying that the never entirely reliable Smith wouldn’t tarnish the memory of his (arguably) greatest creation.

The references to popular culture are all there too, with a scene arguing the relative merits of Star Wars against Lord of The Rings being up there with the funniest things Smith has ever done.

Roughly half way through, a dance scene which really doesn’t gel with the feel of the film, sends the whole thing a little off course. Thank Alanis Morissette then that the film’s climax is not only brilliant but confirms the age old suspicions that interspecies sex is very, very funny.

Si Truss

A new release

CLICK Out Now he gimmick of its 'universal remote control' which allows protagonist Michael Newman (Sandler) to fast-forward the dull routine of his office job and trying family is a clever one.

The catch stems from the fact that he cannot rewind or undo the events that have occurred in his physical absence. This leads to much moral posturing as Newman learns that the remote's control on his life turns him first into a corporate monster and then monstrously overweight.

Smirks can be found in the off-kilter casting of Christopher Walken (a rehash of Al from Quantum Leap) and David Hasselhoff, but overall Click represents a misstep that doesn't allow the cinemagoer to rewind their lost two hours.

Ewen Hosie

T

new release TIDELAND Out Now ideland offers a refreshing return to form from Terry Gilliam following the garbled Brothers Grimm.

Jeliza-Rose embarks upon imaginative flights of fancy when she moves to a prairie with her wannabe rock star dad following the death of her junkie mother. She makes friends with a mentally disabled man named Dickens who shares her active imagination.

A beautifully composed curio, what it lacks in narrative drive it makes up for in manic energy.

Ewen Hosie

T

A SCANNER DARKLY: Whoa

re-release

new release A Scanner Darkly Out Now inklater's A Scanner Darkly is one of the better attempts in recent times at a Philip K. Dick adaptation (see Blade Runner).

Here Linklater uses an apt visual style to envisage Dick's personal drug experiences by revisiting the aesthetic employed in Waking Life.

By rotoscoping the live action with animation, and visualising the addicts' experiences of paranoia and perceptual distortions, Linklater achieves the best drug fest displayed on the silver screen since Aronofsky's Requiem for a Dream.

Keanu Reeves is perfectly acceptable as Arctor, who is the victim of 'cross-cutting' as the hemispheres of his brain compete. Perplexing stuff.

Ryan Owen

L

FILM@GAIRRHYDD.COM

THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH SPECIAL EDITION Out February 9th ne of those films you need to be in the mood for. If it’s your first time, choose wisely or you’ll berate it as a derisory pile of pretentious schizzel. Watch it in the right mood and you will see as I do.

Roeg has created an eerie film that dips in and out of a very surreal character embodied by an androgynous Bowie, spanning the free love and the post-Summer of Love era.

If you can catch it on a big screen, do. Otherwise don’t bother, wait for the magic day you can experience this in all its glory. Roeg also directed The Witches so don’t be put off.

Ryan Owen

O

FORTYNINE

ARTS

Getting to the heart of the matter Is art not what it used to be?

Rebecca Child investigates

W

hat counts as art? To me art has always been something that you admire, something that absorbs you. You marvel at the sheer skill of the artist and how the work is something you could never personally reproduce. But modern art has a different expression.

Contemporary art is more conceptual and the definition as to what can be classed as art is becoming increasingly blurred. One of the fundamental problems with modern art is what it actually is.

A common criticism of modern art is that it doesn’t require any skill or ability to produce the artistic object.

Word on the streets; your opinions...

“I favour modern art over traditional art because it invites you to make your own interpretation.”

Josie Wiltshire. BSC Environmental Geoscience “I prefer traditional and classical art, when I look at a painting or sculpture I want to see something beautiful and recognisable. A lot of the time I dislike modern and abstract art because to me it doesn’t represent or resemble anything.”

Maura Von Ohsen. BA Ancient History and Archaeology “ I like to visit the Gallery of Modern Art in Glasgow when I’m bored and back home. They had this exhibit when I was 17; Grizzly Little Fuckers it was called, teddy bears with power tools, it was well weapon.”

Ewen Hosie. BA Journalism

FIFTY

The Turner Prize is notorious for causing art debates in this respect. Across the country people stand perplexed as they try to work out the meaning of the work and decipher the Gallery artistic skill in October, used to crereflects just this. The exhiate it. But bition was dominated by is the skill empty space and the viewof the er was invited to recall artist their memories and explain ability to what thoughts the empty draw the space created. This viewer in and explore Waterhouse’s The Lady of Shalot conceptual art was focused on the their own imagimagination of the viewer and ination? took them on an emotional journey.

Tracey Emin’s But can it really be classified as art?

Turner prize-winning piece, My Bed, Art is about creative expression and explores such ideas. Why is her unmade bed classified as ‘art’ whilst engaging with a viewer emotionally; thus, whatever mode it appears in, if everyone else’s morning mess is it achieves this goal, it can be classiregarded as untidiness? Emin is fied as art. insistent that there is a high degree No matter what medium art of selection and arrangement in her appears in, the public will make up work and the objects are skilfully their own minds as to whether they positioned to reflect modern attiappreciate it. For me, I will continue tudes. She presents an alternative to admire the intensely detailed work piece and was rewarded for thinking of the Pre-Raphaelites and the raw differently and being original, whilst beauty of the Mona Lisa as opposed also displaying an interest in society. to spending my time contemplating Does the piece then count as art as how a chair balanced against a wall it invites the viewer to experience makes social commentary. However, the mundane and everyday conducts modern art can conjure strong emoin a different manner? tional responses and invites the Viewing modern art provides a difviewer to appreciate the work in a ferent experience to absorbing traditional work. The Sense of Space exhi- different manner.

What constitutes art? I’ll let you bition, that featured in Chapter Arts decide.

Ar t is about creative expression and engaging with a viewer emotionally

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ARTS

MEDIA ATTENTION

G39 5 January - 10 February the art of X-Factor

V

ideo art will always be a tough medium through which to convey challenging concepts, and the exhibition at g39 was no exception.

Media attention set out to ‘explore the underbelly of popular culture’.

The Way of the Barefoot Lone Pilgrim: The Soul of London, a short video by David Blandy, attempted to question Britain’s ‘exploitation or celebration of other cultures’.

Unfortunately, all this video seemed to do was take abstraction to another level. Star Wars seemed to be the primary inspiration. A barefoot Blandy walked around London in an orange Jedi suit with a wooden stick, which was interspersed with snapshots of Chinese men fighting and aging leaders asking, ‘What is real?’ Highly surreal and mystifying.

Ben Young’s The Sons of l’Homme Doré, a self-directed sci-fi film, while visually stunning, was just as abstract. Focussing on threatened masculinity, the video involved a tanned Adonis applying a mud mask, dancing below a glitter ball and jumping around in front of a giant crab.

Richard Dedomenici’s Fame Asylum saved the day. As a documentary following the formation of a boy band comprised of four asylum seekers, it made for fascinating viewing.

While it was a parody of shows like X-Factor, its most interesting feature was its insight into the lives of the men. Aaron, a 22-year old Albanian, was desperate for his UK friends not to know he was an asylum seeker, didn’t speak a word of English when he first arrived, and sent money regularly to his family abroad, revealing the bittersweet tale of an isolated immigrant.

Tasha Prest-Smith

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

EXHIBITIONS

National Museum and Gallery 24 October 2006 - 4 February 2007 the world at your fingertips

A

s part of its Festival of Muslim Culture season, the National Museum is running two parallel exhibitions.

The first, The Muslim World on your Doorstep offers an insight into the wealth of ancient Islamic artifacts which have been excavated from around Wales, including some beautiful ceramics, as well as providing a good explanation of the key pillars of the Islamic faith.

This part of the exhibition opens with the question of ‘Who is a Muslim?’, and goes on to explain about the Qur’an, Allah and Muhamed.

The second part of the exhibition is 1001 Inventions. This extraordinary interactive display shows the way in which inventions from the Islamic empire have benefited our way of life. It is divided into sections, demonstrating how Muslim heritage has affected the market place, towns, homes, schools and hospitals.

Everything from carpet making and coffee to eye surgery and irrigation is shown to have links in pioneering Islamic inventions. This wealth of information is presented in a fun and user friendly format, making it well worth a look.

Interesting in its own right, these exhibitions serve another important function: they show the wealth of history and diversity within the Muslim world, stepping away from the type cast images so commonly reported in the media.

For anyone wishing to know a little more about Muslim culture and the Islamic faith, the National Museum is certainly the place to go.

Amy Grier

what’s on To Kill a Mockingbird @ New Theatre 6 - 10 February To Kill a Mockingbird is a social drama and explores issues of race and morality through the eyes of an 8 year-old boy called Scout. When his father, a principled lawyer, defends Tom Robinson, a young black man falsely accused of raping a white woman, Scout and his family become the target of abuse and gossip. Scout is forced to take the first steps towards adulthood and come face to face with the hypocrisy and prejudice that surrounds him.

Connections: Hidden British Histories @ Butetown History and Arts Centre 4 December 2006 - 19 February 2007 This exhibition explores Black, Asian and Jewish History and encourages young people to research the history of their own home. The artists explore inter-ethnic relations and reveal stories of cooperation and mutual learning, as well as tension, prejudice and competition.

The aim of the exhibition is to challenge misconceptions about the nature of relationships between communities and helps to demonstrate how minorities living side by side actually know little about each other.

Scriptslam @ The Sherman 15 February The new writing initiative returns.

Four new writers present an audience with a 15 minute script. The audience then vote as to which piece they would like to see developed and can see how it has progressed month later.

FIFTYONE

ARTS

Ballet gets its Does ballet have more to offer than pretty pink tutus and a plot that even Neighbours would consider flimsy?

Kim O’Connor thinks it does

L Swan Lake: Beats a chick flick any day

ike most little girls, and some little boys, I dreamed of being a ballerina when I grew up. Sadly, it was not meant to be, but I have found that all is not lost.

Each time I see a ballet unfold before my eyes, it reminds me of the grace, beauty and magic that the performance can create on a stage.

Idealistic it may be, but, when it’s so easy to get caught up in day-to-day life, the realisation that fairy stories can still be told and happy endings can still be had is a welcome relief.

“

Ballet offers the possibility of a happy ending

Billy Elliot: Finds his rhythm

Everyone from Madonna to Will Young and Colin Farrell is busy perfecting their pirouette FIFTYTWO

It’s not just the possibility of a happy ending that makes ballet such a joy to watch. The technical skill of the dancers, performers in complete control of their bodies and without the lumps and bumps that most of us mere mortals worry over, seems to give life to the human body in a way that creates the illusion of being completely natural. At the same time, they exude incredible grace and strength. The choreographed dances and sequences that involve synchronised movement produce the kind of harmony and unity that is so instinctively pleasing. The performance as a whole embraces elegance and luxury in everything from the set and costumes to the accompanying live orchestra.

Unfortunately, ballet is definitely not cool. It’s often seen as entertainment for the wealthy and privileged only, but times may be achanging. In recent years, attempts to shake up ballet’s unfashionable image have seen Jamie Bell don a tutu for Billy Elliot and an all-male company of

dancers exploiting the homoerotic undertones in Matthew Bourne’s Swan Lake. And who can forget Julia Stiles going ghetto as an aspiring ballerina in Save the Last Dance.

Ballet has even chartered the murky waters of reality TV in Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo!, a Channel 4 programme that offered underprivileged young people the chance to develop unique skills and confidence.

Ballet’s relevance to modern life extends further than the confines of the theatre. Fashion seems to have a long-running love affair with ballet: the current trend of wearing ballet pumps follows on from a penchant for ballet cardigans and even the mighty wrap dress is ballet-like in style. The high point of ballet’s reinvention is perhaps its inclusion in the fitness regimes of a growing number of celebrities; everyone from Madonna to Will Young and Colin Farrell is busy perfecting their pirouette. Who knows, we may even be seeing fascists in tights and tutus soon if the BNP feel the need to repay Simone Clarke for all the extra publicity she’s gained them.

Ballet is often seen as out of place when compared to other art forms and the post-everything generation might easily reject it as outdated and indulgent. It is also, though, a reminder of the beauty and agility the human body is capable of and adds a little bit of magic to the cynicism of modern life.

Want to give it a try?

The following places offer ballet classes at a level to suit all: Rubicon Dance - 029 2049 1477 The Gate - 029 2048 3344

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

ARTS

groove back A night at the ballet

Ballet previews Alice in Wonderland @ Wales Millennium Centre, 17 - 21 April For those who don't know the story of Alice in Wonderland, she falls down a rabbit hole and finds herself on all kinds of crazy adventures: enjoying a Mad Hatter's tea party, playing croquet with the Queen of Hearts and making friends with the Cheshire cat. The story reaches a classic ending when Alice wakes up and realises it was all a dream.

Lewis Carroll's timeless tale is transported to the stage in this spectacular production by the English National Ballet. Imaginative choreography, breathtaking on-stage illusions and a Tchaikovsky score bring the enchanting ballet uniquely to life.

Ticket prices start from £5. Contact WMC box office on 08700 40 2000.

Cinderella: Getting the party started

CINDERELLA

Wales Millennium Centre 24 - 27 January the fairytale retold

I

t is hard to miss the intentions behind this production of Cinderella: update the classic tale for a modern audience and, hey, why not throw in some neon costumes just for the hell of it.

The story is set in 18th Century France and poor old Cinders finds herself slaving away for a hussy of a stepmother while her father drinks himself into oblivion. The glass slippers have been replaced by ballet shoes, but that’s not the only twist in this performance.

Most of the set and costumes capture the opulence of the period, but the decision to add bizarre props such as a refrigerator and a giant orange on wheels remains a mysterious one.

The production apparently references Warhol and Vivienne Westwood as well as the lavish 18th

ARTS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Century period, although the thread connecting these contrasting styles to the story of Cinderella is, at the very least, tenuous. Add to that mix an unhealthy dose of garish neon and some fetching leopard print tailcoats and the whole thing becomes distinctly messy.

It is a shame that the production design provokes such a reaction, because the dancers’ performances and accompanying orchestra are technically brilliant. The clash of styles is, though, echoed in a continual clash of performers: the romantic relationship that develops between the Prince and Cinderella is overshadowed by the presence of other dancers on stage and not enough of the performance is devoted to these two characters.

The timeless tale becomes Cinderella in Wonderland, complete with a company of misfits and a handful of crazy props. An innovative production it may be, but one that loses the harmony that gives ballet its distinct appeal.

Kim O’Connor

Alice in Wonderland: ballet style

Romeo and Juliet @ New Theatre, 24 - 28 April Northern Ballet Theatre's classic adaptation of Shakespeare's most famous tragedy returns to the stage. The story of the star-crossed lovers and their feuding families is played out against a backdrop of violence and summer heat.

Passionate and dramatic, this is ballet at its most intense. Sets and costumes designed by the award winning Lez Brotherston, stunning dance and Prokofiev's score make this an unforgettable performance.

Ticket prices start from £8. Contact New Theatre box office on 029 2087 8889.

FIFTYTHREE

DIGITAL In review: Metal Gear Portable Ops: PSP

S

nake has been skulking in shadows and snapping the necks of unsuspecting generic guards for nigh on twenty years now but has the one man genocide shown any indication of packing it in? Well, of course not. Snake still revels bringing misery to the families of monosyllabic balaclava wearing grunts the world over This year for instance snake has chose to return in two differing titles Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots to be released on the Playstation3 and Metal Gear Portable OPS on the PSP. I’ve been lucky enough to get hold of a copy of portable ops and it seems to have handled the crossover to handheld gaming well. Still featuring an intricate and engrossing story and tense nail shredding game play the real challenge has become holding back from screaming abuse in the ear of the old dear sitting next to you on the 24 back to Thornhill after you get killed for the 18th time.

There are numerous additions to the game include the ability to build a militia force by capturing and turning enemy combatants, all of which have there own personality traits and differing styles of play. You can then utilise your brothers in arms to spy

on your foes, patch up your wounds and build you the tools of war necessary to secure your rightful position on The History Channel. Hideo Kojima has yet again delivered a mind-blowing title certainly the best to grace the PSP so far. My advice is to get hold of this game whatever the cost financial or humanitarian.

You can take your PSP to jail with you now anyway.

D WANTE ORS FOR QUENCH ONLINE EDIT

eb team for w a g in it u cr re y tl We’re curren ydd.com www.quench.gairrh rhydd.com ir a g r@ o it ed il a m E ?

Want to get involved

FIFTYFOUR

DIGITAL@GAIRRHYDD.COM

DIGITAL 80s Retro Clothing Tat: www.truffleshuffle.co.uk

I

www.gofugyourself.com ’Fugly is the new pretty’

F

inally, a site dedicated to pointing out the various fashion disasters of our much loved celebs.

This site – girls – has the potential to actually make you feel quite good about yourself.

Mainly because it takes celebs most guys would love to poke, and rips the piss out of them and their fashion faux-pas’.

‘Frequent offenders’ include our good friends Mary-Kate & Ashley, Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan (is it me, or is there a pattern developing here?) and the ever-lovable Tara Reid.

The reason I LOVE gofugyourself? Why of course it’s the unique yet undoubtedly academic writing style. One quote which sums it up is: “I'm not sure what those shoulder flaps are, but the way they drape on her shoulders looks like the shirt is pressing down on her, giving her a weird slouchy look that only enhances the fact that her expensive mounds of hell are already flying south for the winter.” – I’ll leave you to deduce who they’re referring to.

Lucy Reader

f you think that it’s cool to like David Hasselhoff in an ironic way (because he’s nothing but a narcissistic sports pimp who should quietly fuck off), then you should pause the Dirty Dancing soundtrack, turn off California Dreams and ride your Chopper all the way down to www.truffleshuffle.com.

Purveyors of clothing decorated with 80’s based witticisms and old skool styling, truffleshuffle, named after that fat mess’s dancing gut in The Goonies, is laden with the type of sartorial finery so peculiar to us students. The majority of their wares are love it or hate it type stuff, and if you’re sick as a dog of the so-called retro revival (“Oh my God, do you remember Care Bears”), then I’d save yourself a twitching anus and ignore the site altogether. It’s niche is basically flogging stuff that people in the 1980’s (the shittest decade) would have deemed too shitty to wear to the roller disco, so I would say you

need a sense of humour more than a sense of fashion to appreciate a lot of the goods.

In fairness however there is some quality gear here, personal favourites being the t-shirts featuring movie posters and the Ferris Bueller stuff, so I guess there’s something for almost everyone after all - and with super fast delivery and the option of using paypal, it’s a safe and easy way to indulge in some touch and go purchasing. Check out this site if you need a present for the funboy in your life, but if it’s something for yourself you’re after then put down the bottle for a second and ask yourself whether you really need a tshirt emblazoned with Flash Gordon’s face. Or just buy one of those dope Pac Man belts.

Thomas Birts

Truffleshuffle.co.uk Board of Directors: Deaperate

FIFTYFIVE

GOING OUT

Out in Cardif Lunch

Going Out editor Rachel Clare picked out two of the best in both the town centre and Cathays TOWN The Plan/ Morgan Arcade This is a treasure in the midst of second hand bookshops, a small art gallery and retro clothing boutiques. It has massive windows and is really light and airy with high ceilings and is sort of a modern version of an old style tearoom. It sells local, organic and seasonal foods with many fair-trade options. Its seasonal soup is very popular with shoppers at this time of year; you get a huge bowlful and a big chunk of crusty baguette alongside. The cheese and onion jacket potato with added mushrooms was the best jacket potato I’ve tasted, what with its fresh salad and homemade coleslaw, with melted cheese oozing from it. What really surprised me about this place is its range of coffees and teas. It sells over 14 different types of coffee some of which are very obscure such as Indian Coffee Monsooned Malibar and Kenya AA (best of Kenya’s Arabic beans). The eleven types of tea it sells range from Golden Flowery Orange Pekoe to Superior Fancy Formosa Oo long. But don’t worry, you can still just get a regular tea and coffee too! The only downside to this place is that it’s a little on the expensive side, with drinks mainly over £2 and lunchtime snacks nearing £50 but, all in all it’s the best place for when you want to treat yourself.

TOWN Fresh: The Baguette Bar/ Royal Arcade This place has the friendliest staff you will possibly ever meet on a busy lunchtime. They seem really into what they are doing and try and make your lunchtime experience as happy as possible which is always good when you’ve been dragging your feet around the shops. They have a fantastic range of fillings for baguettes and panninis, such as Malaysian chicken, parma ham, roasted onion and cheese. There’s not much room to sit down so it’s better to take out. A good place to grab a baguette!

CATHAYS Kappuccinos/ Cathays Terrace (outside Lidls) This popular haunt for humanities students serves the most delicious homemade muffins you will have this side of…

Cathays. No, they really are delicious, big, homemade, fresh and only cost 95p! They serve a good range of tasty baguettes, sandwiches and salads, such as sun dried tomato and mozzarella, or chicken, bacon and mayonnaise.

They are cheap as well, ranging from £1.90 to £2.30; a good deal cheaper than the Humanities café anyway! A word of warning though- 12:30 to around 1:30 the queue is usually out the door and there is never anywhere to sit, so it’s best to get in there early.

CATHAYS Hoffi Koffi/ Woodville Road This is the perfect meeting place, with lots of comfy seating, 10% student discount and a gorgeous range of cakes.

I’d recommend the caramel slice which is perfect with a hot chocolate. The sandwiches are small but very good value. In fact everything here is really cheap so it’s a good place to while away an afternoon. Hoffi Koffi is also available for the evening and is fully licensed so could be an excellent party place too.

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GOING OUT

Dinner

Kayleigh Excell guides you through some of the great Cardiff restaurants for dinner Phoenix Garden Chinese Restaurant/ Crwys Road Phoenix Garden is a great little Chinese restaurant situated on Cryws Road that offers tasty and affordable food. The restaurant itself is upstairs and the staff are very friendly and welcoming. There is excellent ‘All you can eat’ from Sunday-Thursday which you can choose from a menu and is then brought to your table, so you don’t have to worry about queuing up around a hot-plate. You get a great big plate of tasty mix starters, seaweed, crackers, and spare ribs - and you can ask for more if you can handle it! There are fish tanks around the restaurant and it is cosy and dimly lit - a very relaxing place to eat with friends. All and all Phoenix Garden offers delicious affordable Chinese food with friendly service.

GOINGOUT@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Bellinis Ristorante Italiano/ Mermaid Quay, Cardiff Bay

Old Orleans/ The Town centre and The Red Dragon Centre at the Bay

Situated on the balcony near the variety of other restaurants and bars at the Bay, Bellinis has lovely views out to the Bay. There is a great range of traditional Italian dishes along with the favourite pasta and pizza options. The prices are around £15-20 per person for an evening meal but if you eat at lunch time it costs from only £5.95. The food is really fancy and tasty and the staff are really friendly. They also have an open kitchen so you can watch your food being cooked. Bellinis is a great place to go for a romantic Italian meal that doesn’t break the bank.

Part of a chain, New Orleans offers an all-American menu, from rump steak, to BBQ ribs and Pecan pie.

The restaurant is a comfortable place to eat with stylish American decor. There is a bar offering a choice of cocktails or whatever takes your fancy and you also get complimentary popcorn while you are waiting for your meal! Overall Old Orleans offers delicious and reasonably priced American food in a comfortable atmosphere.

FIFTYSEVEN

CULT CLASSICS

BACK TO SCHOOL Best days of your life? With exams over and the start of a new term Cult Classics reminisces and presents a guide to the High School Movie. No talking at the back.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

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ife moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it’.

That’s the philosophy at the centre of this coming of age drama cunningly disguised as a high school comedy.

Ferris, played brilliantly by Matthew Broderick, is a popular student nearing the end of his time at high school. As the drudgery of adult life approaches he strikes out in an extravagant day of truancy, taking with him his girlfriend Sloane, and miserable best friend Cameron. Led

by the seemingly all-powerful Bueller they hit Chicago and enjoy an action packed day of fun, culture and avoiding being caught.

Left in his wake are his parents who believe their little angel lies poorly at home, his sister Jeannie who despises him for his ability to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes, his headmaster Mr Rooney who is determined to catch Bueller bunking school, and a growing campaign to ‘Save Ferris’ from various horrific illnesses. Though the title character is the main focus for the film, he is arguably merely the catalyst in the coming of age stories of Cameron and Jeannie.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is a film in

You’ve got yourself one of the best films of the eighties which every scene offers more than just a link in the story, as not one Ferris: Hero

goes to waste in making the viewer either smile or stop and think. Add in an early performance by Charlie Sheen and a perfectly sculpted script and you’ve got yourself one of the best films of the eighties.

Steve Myerscough

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

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apoleon Dynamite is a refreshing celebration of all things geek in a high school world dominated by the lives of cheerlead-

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ers and jocks.

The story, although more like a string of seemingly unconnected events, follows Napoleon (Jon Heder) in his day-to-day life; a hilarious blend of solo tetherball, Rex-QuanDo, tater tots and nunchuck skills.

Napoleon is aided by new, and perhaps only, friend Pedro and older, yet equally socially lacking, brother Kip who spends his time chatting online to babes. Add to the mix a dysfunctional family consisting of 80’s throwback Uncle Rico and a Grandma hospitalised in a quad biking accident and you have a recipe for a baffling, yet thoroughly enjoyable, ninety minutes. There is some attempt at a plot with Napoleon’s unrequited love for girl next-door Deb, only in the world of geek could “I like your sleeves, they’re real big” spark romance.

Heder’s deadpan style takes nerd to a new level, yet there is a hidden depth to Napoleon’s seemingly emotionless character. The scene where he and several other students sign language to Some Say Love needs no introduction and stands alone, a testament that beauty can be found everywhere.

A film about true friendship, Napoleon unforgettably busts some killer moves to help Pedro win his bid for school president and raise the film to cult classic status. Never again will you be able to listen to Canned Heat without smiling.

Laura Gibbons

CLASSICS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

CULT CLASSICS Donnie Darko (2001)

D Bluto: Hero

Animal House (1978)

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e all know that the best approach to University is to use it as a time for study, a time for maturing, a segue from our sheltered adolescence into the fast paced world of work and adulthood.

Alternatively you could take the Animal House approach and flunk your exams, drink like a fish, kill a horse and much, much more.

Animal House is a dream of a movie and the most joyous indication of what happens when you forget your inhibitions. Take the following scenario: You’re at a party, some long haired numpty is brandishing an acoustic guitar and regaling everyone with a godawful, Jack Johnson-style number, about his gap year working in Taiwan as a wet nurse for baby animals. We listen respectfully, commenting on his ‘deep’ lyrics, while secretly longing for an ideal world where that guitar would be turned into firewood with one swift smashing motion. We can only dream, but Animal House is this ideal world.

The plot, like the character’s work ethic, is non-existent, party wild fraternity Delta House get expelled after a series of pranks and failed exams. They then set out for revenge, sticking it to the uptight dean, meat-head jocks and prissy cheerleaders. This culminates brilliantly in the film’s anarchic finale.

The undisputed star is hard drinking, party-loving Bluto, played by hard drinking, party-loving John Belushi. On top of this it has Donald Sutherland as a pot smoking, philandering lecturer, some mild molestation and a toga party. Now isn’t that what higher education is all about?

Tom Brookes

CLASSICS@GAIRRHYDD.COM

Dawson ?!

The Rules Of Attraction (2002)

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f you were to argue that high school movies were full of clichés and incredibly tedious plot lines, not many people would be able to think of an example to prove you wrong, unless of course you have seen The Rules of Attraction.

There aren’t many films that can get away with being too artistic, yet the attention to detail, the breath taking cinematics and the unique take on college life in the film manage to pull it off.

Based on the best selling novel of controversial writer Bret Easton Ellis (author of American Psycho), The Rules of Attraction is set at Camden, an arts college based in New England. The story follows the interlocking love lives of three affluent students, locked in the middle of the alcohol and drug induced parties that take place on campus. The shocking ups and downs never cease as each character’s story is narrated individually (most people will remember the scene where character Victor narrates his entire trip to Europe in about 2 minutes!)

With main character Sean Bateman being the brother of Patrick Bateman (from American Psycho) you know that the course of events will not be easy!

This satirical taste of the life the students experience is often hilarious, but never without a serious consequence, which leaves a bitter aftertaste from the imprint created by this corrupt way of existing. The Rules of Attraction is that high school movie that is so different it deserves to have an entire classification to itself.

Gareth Mogg

onnie Darko is a little weird.

He sleepwalks, he’s on medication and a giant bunny called Frank has told him the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds. But for someone who has to figure out how to save the world Donnie is a surprisingly normal high school kid and this is what makes Donnie Darko such an engrossing film.

Donnie has to endure a lot throughout the film, not least finding a way to transport himself back through time in an attempt to save the planet from total annihilation.

But he is no cinematic superhero, on top of this he has to contend with school bullies, a family that doesn’t understand him and of course, girl trouble. It’s this grounding in the real world that makes Donnie such a great character, he’s neither a ‘jock’ nor a ‘nerd’, he doesn’t enjoy school but he doesn’t hate it, he’s just an average guy.

The film is helped in no small part by some fantastic performances, notably Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal in breakout roles as bickering brother and sister Donnie and Elizabeth Darko. However the real star is 80’s heart-throb Patrick Swayze who plays Jim Cunningham a cheery self-help guru with a very sinister secret.

While many high school movies will rely on clichés and toilet humour, Donnie Darko is dark, thought provoking and punctuated by moments of fantastic black comedy. Not a typical high school movie in any way, but still a mesmerising and ultimately very touching cult classic about the turbulence of adolescence. And time travel.

Marty McQueen

Cult Classics recommends Rock ‘n’ Roll High School (1979) The Breakfast Club (1985) Heathers (1989) Dazed & Confused (1993)

FIFTYNINE

BLIND DATE

Little Miss Blind Date This week, Little Miss Blind Date focuses on the future…

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hat is it about New Year for making you want to reassess your life and change aspects of yourself? Everywhere it’s fitness this, diet that, do this and get a body like Britney (or in that case, pay out lots of money and get surgery instead), or otherwise, it’s five easy steps to get the job of your dreams (cue lots of English Lit. grads laughing).

Now I for one never go in for these things, and if I’m being honest, I’m just not interested. While my housemates jog diligently every night, I settle myself on the couch with a bumper pack of Walkers and a re-run of Friends. I don’t have much willpower, evident in my brief rebound fling with both Mr Benson and Mr Hedges in the aftermath of yet another seasonal split. I could probably set a record for how quickly I can break resolutions, in fact, send Cheryl Baker round in a neon tracksuit and I’ll prove it. But this year, I think maybe I will set myself a few little targets.

You see, it happens that New Year is always a contentious time. It falls between Christmas, (hopefully) a time of love and closeness, and is also so close to Valentine’s Day. Even if we pretend it’s just commercial rubbish, everyone secretly craves a bit of Valentine’s loving really. So New Year is a bit of a make or break time. If you’re in a relationship, the festive period is often a time to feel more committed to each other, while if you’re single, the New Year is often about fresh opportunities to meet someone new. But on the flipside, the festive season can make you want to feel these things and make unattainable targets for yourself. So this year, I’ve decided I want things to be different.

Little Miss Blind Date’s (Achievable) Dating Resolutions 2007

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Lay the Mr Darcy fantasy to rest. Yes, he may have been brooding and quite sexy, particularly in the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice when he emerges from the lake, but he’s the fictional creation of a Victorian spinster. In reality, a grumpy, socially inept partner is probably not what anyone is looking for. After all, we never did find out about what happened after he got together with Elizabeth…..

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2

Broaden your dating horizons.

Just because he doesn’t look achingly indie/ she’s not Scarlett Johansson, doesn’t mean to say that you won’t hit it off. If you’ve been having problems finding your perfect partner, consider what matters more, image or individuality. In reality, there is no such thing as a ‘type’; so get out there and start talking to someone that you wouldn’t normally. You might be surprised by what you find.

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Mr Darcy: fiction

I don’t have much willpower: take my brief fling with Mr Benson and Mr Hedges

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Don’t pretend to be perfect and judge someone else because they’ve got wonky eyebrows/eat with their mouth wide open/laugh like Janice out of Friends. Focus on the fact that they do make you laugh, perhaps so much so that you snort your pint out of your nose.

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Don’t worry about the future.

If you’re single, get out and date. Even if you don’t hit it off immediately, you’ve spent time getting to know a potentially very interesting person. If it doesn’t work out, you’re not a failure because after all, everyone’s different. If you’re in a relationship, don’t put on the pressure; just enjoy each other’s company. Things always work out in the end if you really want them to.

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Ask out someone you fancy.

It’s terrifying and yes, they may not have a clue you exist, but the worst they can say is no. If you don’t do it, you’ll always wonder about what could have happened.

Even if they do say no, I expect secretly they’ll be pretty flattered. I mean, who doesn’t appreciate being told that someone likes them?

Unlike trying to squeeze myself into a pair of ridiculously skinny jeans, or trying to run a marathon on a curry and a bellyful of beer a la Jade Goody, I think I might even be able to keep a couple of these resolutions this year. Now, where’s that family bag of Walkers…

BLINDDATE@GAIRRHYDD.COM

THE FINAL WHISTLE

Time to face the music Sports editor George Pawley on the great sporting theme tunes and why coverage should come back to the Beeb

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ands up who can think of a positive that has emerged from England’s humiliating Ashes whitewash in Australia?

Aside from forcing the ECB into a complete and hopefully significant review of how the game operates from the national side down to the grassroots, I can only think of one.

It’s not that the BBC has got the rights to show highlights; Channel 4 revolutionised the way we watch sport with its use of the best available opportunity and the frankly genius employment of Simon Hughes as ‘The Analyst’, who has brought the intricacies of this technical sport to a wider audience.

However, it does mean that the Beeb’s cricket theme tune is back.

It’s rhythmic, West-Indian style beat conjures up great childhood memories for me; watching and playing a sport which I actually had any talent in, through the never-ending summer breaks. The less said about Lou Bega’s ‘Mambo Number Five’ the better.

This got me thinking, and now its imperative the BBC wins back sports TV rights from the commercial stations just for the entry music. A case in point is the coverage of football.

ITV made a horrendous hash of ‘The Premiership’ (don’t get me started on its second-rate punditry), and unfortunately, though they are exceptionally talented, U2’s Beautiful Day really just didn’t cut it in my book.

Match Of The Day is the unrivalled

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highlights show, while its theme fills the speakers with airs of Britishness, and provides the ringtone on any football nut’s mobile.

It doesn’t stop there. Ski Sunday is back on the airwaves, meaning the majestic, sweeping melodies that accompany the opening credits of an elegant alpine decent will render you daydreaming of a winter excursion up where the air is clear.

ing community will cling to a weekend hoping that a Brit, or even a European in desperation, can win back the famous claret jug from Tiger’s claws. The BBC doesn’t hold back here, and nothing apart from Peter Alliss’ somehow silky sounding commentary can evoke images of rolling fairways, treacherous rough and better.

If only Formula 1 was still on the Beeb too. ITV have ruined this sport from a viewer’s perspective; how can you have breaks in a motor race - it really grates on me that a chase that could reach it’s climax next time they come through the chicane is inter-

It’s imperative the BBC wins back sports TV rights from the comm ercial stations Next up in the sporting calendar is the World Snooker Championships, and with its dark, tense theme, the Beeb is almost setting you up for a Sunday night/early Monday morning of surprisingly nail-biting action on the green baize.

Wimbledon - two weeks in every year the airwaves are dominated with coverage from SW19, as the nation in front of the small screen or watching from Henman Hill (now Murray Mound), wait to see if this year is Tim’s year. If you can hear it above the grunts from Sharapova and Serena on Centre Court, the BBC’s theme wafts of strawberries, cream, champagne and a spot of tennis in between.

July brings the British Open Championships, where the UK’s golf-

rupted by an advert for Lenor. Plus you miss out on the focus-inducing bass in Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’.

Grandstand has gone, but for the time being at least, the license fee is funding some great sport, accessible to all. I just want to plead to Rupert Murdoch at BSkyB, Branson at VirginTV, or to whoever the hell is trying to sort out ITV, to leave the great pillars of British sport viewing well alone.

It will undoubtedly damage the future of the UK’s sport scene if children have less opportunities to watch their favourite sports played by the pros, in addition to depriving them of the soundtrack that forms the backdrop to their kickabouts and throwarounds.

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TELEVISION Belgian detective Hercule Poirot, played by my new favourite actor and veritable English legend David Suchet.

For those of you not familiar with Agatha Christie’s Poirot books, and more importantly in this instance, the ITV adaptations, he is a detective, he’s Belgian and he always gets his man. Accompanied by his trusty clueless cockney side-kick Captain Hastings (part narrative device, part comic relief), Poirot potters around making witty bon mots and generally being wry observer of the English upper classes.

T unnel Vi s i o n TV Will Very European

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rediscovered a long lost love this Christmas. Not anything as puerile as an ex-girlfriend or some fleeting hussy who will break my heart and spit it out, but a man with whom I whiled away hours on the sofa, normally on a Sunday evening.

He is about five foot seven, well dressed, has meticulous eating habits and would never dream of leaving the house without a perfectly fitting bowler hat. Guessed who yet?

That’s right children, it is

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He is a detective, he’s Belgian and he always gets his man For me however the scenes that make the programme are ones showing the domestic life of the common, or lesser garden, Belgian detective.

For example one particularly memorable moment in some episode or other I was watching (lets call is “The Mystery of the Stolen Priceless Diamond”) is where we cut to the man himself delicately and with pinpoint precision knocking the head of a boiled egg. There is no rushing around in this moment, no post-24 cut scenes, layered music or background sirens; simply a obsessivecompulsive European man eating his breakfast without a rush. It’s wonderful.

For any of you wanting to witness the man and his quite spectacular moustache this term, ITV2/3/4 seem to be replaying them all the time so tune in and tune on.

Next, also courtesy of the aforementioned channels is Hornblower, the story of a young, wet behind the ears posh kid who sets out to make his name on the high seas in Her Majesty’s Royal Navy. Jokes on his first name aside (Horatio Hornblower…it writes itself) the programme is a two hour

romp full of buxom Spanish maidens, guns, spunk and above all vast amounts of swash and buckle. Our main man is played by Welsh period drama extraordinaire Ioan Gryffudd, looking in particularly fine shape as the dashing young midshipmen who must battle Spaniards, mad Captains and mutiny. One day, on a particularly long period drama binge, it occurred to me what a great spin off It would be too have a Hornblower meets Poirot episode. It could be called Poirot Blower, or perhaps Detective Horn. The plot would go as follows: Transported back 100 years by a mad scientist, Poirot must sail to the Cariribean to find the killer who is reaping havoc in his age and arrest him to prevent any further damage in the future. The lonely veteran captain who is assigned to the mission is good old Horatio. At first there is tension between the two, a culture shock of 20th century Belgium and 18th century England, but gradually they warm to each other and things get a little more than friendly. True to his name, Horatio Hornblower becomes Felatio Poirotblower and they both live in Jamaica happily ever after.

The fact that I never got that scriptwriting job at the BBC is a travesty.

Last Christmas I gave you my heart

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