Quench - Issue 61

walking in

a winter

wonderland

contents : Issue 61 - 10 December 2007 FASHION

p.07

Joanna Butler and Mary Parkes take a cast of models, a photgrapher and a handful of fairy dust to Winter Wonderland, reaping the results in this ethereal photo shoot.

p.20

VOYEUR - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.04 DEBATE - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.06 GOING OUT - - - - - - - - - p.11 GAY - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.13 TRAVEL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.14 FEATURES - - - - - - - - - - - p.16 INTERVIEWS - - - - - - - - - p.22 FOOD - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -p.27

WE ARE SCIENTISTS indie kid Ketih Murray has a lot to answer for as he gleefully leads Si Truss and Lucinda Day astray in this interview with the witty frontman of American indie band We Are Scientists.

FINAL WHISTLE- - - - - - - p.31 BLIND DATE - - - - - - - - - - p.22 BOOKS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.34 ARTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.36 DIGITAL - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.38 CULT CLASSICS- - - - - - - p.40 MUSIC - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.41 FILM - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.49

COVER: Ben Bryant / Sophie Pycroft

Editor Ben Bryant Executive Editor Amy Harrison Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Amy Grier, Tasha PrestSmith Blind Date Hazel Plush Books Tom Williams Cult Classics Gareth Mogg Debate Aisling Tempany Digital Dom Mukwamba-Sendall Fashion Jo Butler, Mary Parkes Features Gillian Couch, Chris Rogers, Jim Whiteley Film Sim Eckstein, Will Hitchins Food Kath Petty, Daniel Smith Gay Andy Tweddle Going Out Lucy Rowe, Amelia Thomas Interviews Michael Bateson-Hill, Lucinda Day, Annika Henderson Music Kyle Ellison, Francesca Jarvis, Si Truss Travel Jim Finucane, Kirsty Page Photography Sophie Pycroft, Ed Salter Sub Editor Graeme Porteous Proof Readers Elaine Morgan, Aisling Tempany

voyeur

I

{Voyeur

} ....

PHOTO: AMY HARRISON

’ve been asleep for about forty hours in the course of the last week, and I vividly remember every one of those hours. In fact, my dreams are now so lucid and confusing that I can no longer separate them from my memories.

It’s an odd feeling when your nights start to become more productive than your days. In the periods between a turgid daytime existence that currently fluctuates between editor and sometime essay-writer, I’ve engaged with an ongoing series of dreams that have so far involved a threesome, a variety of parties, and a self-propelled flight to China.

The trouble is, ‘daytime’ reality can’t compete anymore. Days are drawn out into long essay slogs, merging together in a dirge of lecturer baiting, takeaway eating and toenail clipping. Friends come and go; I shrug flippantly, and wait for nightfall.

What friend can compete with Malcolm X, Gary Glitter and John Major - all at the same key party? My head is the Most Exciting Place in the Universe.

I decide I need to get out more.

Night descends, and we’re at another cramped, badly lit student house party. But just fifteen minutes of uninvited dancefloor frottage later I’m back at my place, fuelling my addiction to the magical world of dreams.

My friends don’t get it. But I like to think we’re doing the same thing.

They’re busy munching pills to mask the fact that, actually, social phobia, naked bulbs and sweaty freshers do not a merry party make. Back at my place, I’m eating mature cheddar (my narcotic of choice) to mask the fact that... well... I’m asleep. Two banging parties later, they wake up with a hangover; I wake up feeling refreshed and safe in the knowledge that I’ve just eaten quince off Moira Stewart’s bidet. Who’s the winner, I ask you?

BB

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“If you really want to screw up the sexually confused adolescent in your family, I suggest this book. Uncle swears by it!”

“I was banged up in The Priory a few years ago, and I often wish I’d had a diary with me so I could keep track of my conquests. This therapy journal is suitable for sex addiction, bipolar disorder, or any of those other afflictions that only celebrities get. Wunderbar!”

“This darling little plush tampon toy is a super way of introducing your little ones to the miracle of their moon cycles. Comes with red felt tip!”

“I often feel sorry for my dear half brother Damien, who misses mother terribly, so I’ve bought him a tit-pillow to suckle.

Champion!”

.

Ambe r Duval presents...

Your

superior Christmas gift guide

“Excess body hair is an obscenity that words alone cannot possibly express.

This marvellous, elongated shaver successfully scythes away every trace of blasphemous back-minge, and its unique design even throws in a few gashes to punish your disobedient backbone. Daddy deserves it!”

“

Hello girls, boys and in-betweeners! Amber Duval here. What with Christmas just around the corner, I thought I would cast aside my futile attempts at educating the student masses in the art of attire, and instead lecture on the etiquette of gift-giving.

In my mind, purchasing a good present is not unlike giving good head: one must occupy the mind of the recipient, approach the act of giving with confidence and aplomb, and always, always lap up the ensuing compliment gratefully. Oh, and whatever you do, make sure you don’t purchase any of these cack gifts! Spam mitten!

“

.....

voyeur

“Now, honestly, what kind of strange little man would smuggle this plastic cock in his Y-fronts to seduce the ladies? Unless, of course, they’re not a man at all. Still, nobody’s going to believe you’re a top-drawer transsexual if you’re packing a conical oddity like this. Suitable only as a stocking filler”

“This menopause monitor is a wonderful way of saying “I love you mother”

I must confess, I genuinely believe Rod Stewart is absolutely champion ... Ha! Only joking! What a flange-nit - just look at how cack he looks on this cover! Scrot-gobbler! Buy this for the family twat”

.......................................... voyeur@gairrhydd.com /

05

debate

Christmas Cheer

VS

BAH! Humbug

Hurrah, it’s that time of year again. But are you filled with cheer or desperate for it all to be over?

W

riting this article I feel I can identify with good old Saint Nic (not the belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly bit) but more along the lines of understanding the effort he must put in to fit so much Christmassy goodness down one chimney, much like trying to fit it all onto one page!

My Christmas is all about my own traditions, the ones that you make with family and friends, like Christmas eve, which I sometimes think is better than new years eve, because let’s face it, are you as excited of new years day as you are of Christmas day!? It also means a Mulled wine (or five) with friends, which has to be done wearing some kind of Santa hat, Rudolf ears or inexcusably woolly Christmas jumper!

Christmas morning means waking up ridiculously early and feeling the eagerly anticipated weight of a bulg-

ing stocking at the end of your bed.

Or knowing that this is the one day a year you’re allowed to be as excited as you were when you were seven as you and your brothers stormed elatedly down the stairs. Now I’m at uni I even revel in opening yet another deodorant box set because it means I won’t have to spend my loan on them anymore!

For me, Christmas day means dinner with the family, Christmas dinner means a huge spread of delectable treats that you are allowed to subconsciously munch your way through until you’re so full that a drink and the nearest armchair look like your only saviour!

Christmas evening is a personal favourite because it means the family orchestra comes to life (despite the fact that only one member plays an instrument and the others seem to be clanging together spoons, pots

and general clutter!) For me there’s nothing better than a drunken rabble of aunts, grandparents and siblings alike partying away the festivities!

And once Christmas day is over, there’s always New Years Eve to look forward to!

Emilee Tombs

Christmas is waking up and feeling a bulging stocking

I

t’s that time of year again… the town is lit up by fairy lights, there are carol singers in the street, mulled wine, mince pies and a long weekend of food, booze and presents to look forward to. You’ve guessed it. It’s Christmas time! It’s horrible! Here’s why.

Let’s start with the carol singers.

Choirs singing Silent Night is one thing, at least it sounds nice. But Christmas pop songs… It’s time that person was punished for their sin.

Needles to say, the number crunchers at the Student Loan Company never take the extra cost of the month of December into account when calculating how much we get to live on.

In all honesty, how many of us actually feel recuperated after the Christmas “break”? There is reading to be caught up on, essays to be writ-

06/debate@gairrhydd.com

ten and exams to be revised for. And that is in addition to catching up with friends at home and in all likelihood doing some soul-destroying job in retail or behind a bar. This limits our “holiday” time essentially to the two days of the year on which the country comes to a standstill during the Christmas bank holiday. And in those two days we are expected to spend “quality” time with our families. It is a nice idea, but the possibilities for conflict are endless when a group of people who rarely see each other all year have to spend a sherry-fuelled 48 hours under the same roof.

And I will be adding to the statistics by having a row with a family member. However: it’s allowed to get on my nerves and since we live in a country with a free press, I am allowed to rant about it. So I did. Merry Christmas!

Rebecca Ganz

fashion

All I want for Christmas...

Put on your most beautiful dress, wrap yourself in luxury, we’re off to the Winter Ball. Let the fairytale begin... fashion@gairrhydd.com /

07

fashion

...is you

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fashion

and you...

fashion@gairrhydd.com /

09

fashion

...and you!

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Photography: Sophie Pycroft Stylists: Jo Butler, Mary Parkes Models: Charlotte Harvey, Rachel Brooke, Lucy Kirk, George Matthews, Hannah Pycroft, Amelia Thomas, Kath Petty

Winter Wonders

going out

Looking for a fun way to capture the Christmas spirit?

In need of a distraction from essays?

I

f it’s the festive fever that raises your temperature, this is likely to be Cardiff’s only outdoor spectacle which overcomes the winter weather.

Whether it means snuggling up with a loved one, or friend in the ‘ice bar’ with one of the many Christmassy beverages on offer, the all alcoholic fruit punch/mulled wine options are sure to warm you up, while the popular Cadbury’s hot chocolate proves reminiscent of those childhood late-nights.

The menu is extensive and traditional and you can have an evening meal out of the ordinary during the

run up to Christmas, which brings back memories of Christmas markets and warm beef and onion/pork and stuffing rolls. Yet, it comes at a cost considering what you get. Main meals are £5. all rolls are £3.50 and if you want to add chips it counts as an extra, coming in at £2.

Ice Skating Sessions last one hour and run between 9.40am and 10.40pm.

You need to arrive half an hour in advance to collect your skates. It costs £7.50 for adults, £6.50 for concessions (ID needed) and £5.50

for kids. Book by phone on 02920 230130.

The Big Wheel ‘Flights’ last 10 minutes and are available between 11am and 10.30pm. You’ll pay £5 for adults and £4 for kids, and you can fit 6 people in one gondola. Private gondolas cost £30 and VIP gondola flights with champagne are available for £60. You can book at the wheel, online at www.wheelofwales.co.uk or phone 01159207300 for the private/VIP flights.

goingout@gairrhydd.com /

11

gay

As yuletide joy falls all around us, Andy Tweddle broods over the sexuality of all your favorite Chrimbo legends

i saw daddy kissing santa claus...

Angel Gabriel

Cross dressing biblical hottie Gabriel is the epitome of androgynous cool. Loved a good gossip sesh with Mary.

7/10

Ebeneezer Scrooge

We all know the type – ‘neezer isn’t exactly the fittest Dickensian and,as such, seems perpetually pissed off.

The jury’s still out as to whether he’s down due to lack of cock, but he does seem to have a special eye for Tiny Tim...

6/10

The Three Kings

Jesus

Because it’s Christmas and I don’t want to get sued, I am not for one minute going to insinuate that Jesus was gay. Sure, he had a hoard of male buddies and enjoyed the odd erotic feet washing sesh, but who doesn’t?

Our Jesus had a lot to deal with as a kid; he was born in a barn, controversy surrounded his paternity and his best friend betrayed at the shittest possible moment. It’s no wonder he was a little overdramatic. Furthermore, I absolutely believe that he remained unmarried simply because he never found the right girl.

Santa

Everyone’s favourite grizzly bear, Chris Cringle runs a very successful toy-distribution company, where many eleves work under him. Partial to stockings and always jolly, Mr. Claus prefers giving to receiving. Is rumoured to spend a lot of time whipping his younger twink companion, Rudolph. Full sacks, comes once a year there’s just too much material here.

9/10

0/10

At the forefront of Eastern fashion, Caspar, Melchior and Balthasar never missed a party - even if they were a bit late. Have been accused of ‘going Brokeback’ on their way to visit the Baby Jesus. Concerns lie in their gift giving - no gay man would give a child myrrh, even if it was meant to be symbolic.

5/10

gay@gairrhydd.com /

13

travel

Christmas with a twist...

This week Travel swaps snow and mince pies for cheeseburgers and goats heads in a quest to find out what Christmas is like away from home Down Under

T

here is a certain hype about a sunny Christmas that definitely beats that of a white one. Luckily for me, I was able to experience this last year.

Leaving a dark, cold (and probably wet) Cardiff was an easy thing to do.

The 30-hour journey to Sydney, Australia was not. I could have been forgiven for thinking I was just jet-lagged when, upon arrival, I spotted a blow-up Father Christmas dressed in boardies and a Hawaiian shirt. On a jet ski! It certainly didn’t feel like Christmas time with the 30˚ heat or being able to drunkenly dive into a pleasantly warm sea at 2am on Christmas Eve. (We later discovered that two 8ft sharks had been spotted where we were that day – alcohol obviously puts them off the human scent!)

Christmas day traditions were completely usurped: presents on the veranda, a fry-up and then beach gear on. Instead of the usual breaking of toys in the living room, we lost my cousin’s new, top-of-the-range cricket ball in the 1st bat of a game of beach cricket that took over the whole beach – good effort. There was no Christmas Tur-

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Havana

key or any of the trimmings, instead a feast of meat that any Atkin’s dieter would have been proud of. Not your average day by any standards but I missed the normal Christmas spirit: dark nights sat in front of an open fire enjoying those winter comfort foods. A hot Christmas is a shout for anyone who gets the chance, but I’ll be enjoying the mulled wine without the sharks this year.

Jo Swift

A

s the bus drove from the airport into the heart of Havana I was in absolute awe of the Cuban capital. The 50s cadillacs, the delapidated buildings, the men on street corners smoking their fat cigars - the city of Havana was so full of incredible sights and sounds that I completely forgot that Christmas was only a few days away.

As we wandered around the city absorbing the culture it was incredible to see the total lack of Christmas. It really was a world away from home where Christmas is being rammed down your throat as soon as summer ends.

Walking into a shopping mall it was incredible to look into toy shops.

The shelves were sparce with only a couple of items on each shelf. But this was not a sign of the Christmas rush. This was the norm in this socialist world.

Christmas day arrived, and everything was the same as it had been the day before. Aside from the occasional sign in some of the more expensive restaurants there was no mention of the big C. Coming from a country which indulges so greatly at Christmas it was a complete shock to witness Christmas from such a polar perspective.

Perhaps the most poignant moment on Christmas day was a conversation with a local, his Christmas message to me revealed the sheer divide between my world and his: “Happy Baby”.

Amy Harrison

In Kenya

S

now, ‘Father Christmas’ and Turkey. At least two of the three will be involved for most people cometh Christmas Day, and for the vast majority in the UK little else should be expected. A few years ago I was lucky enough to experience living in Kenya for a year, and this included spending Christmas in Mombassa.

Apart from the ludicrous notion of celebrating this time of year sunbathing on the beach, enjoying the noise of tourists and the finest music Africa has to offer (African Pop, one should add) as opposed to that of carollers, Christmas dinner consisted of a cheeseburger and chips. Then there are less obvious opposites – instead of a Christmas tree we had what could only be described as a collection of twigs on a stand (which, inciden

“

On New Year’s Day, men on horseback compete for a goat’s head

the first snow (‘barf’) of the season, calling for celebrations and practical jokes. A festival, Eid, also falls around Christmas. However, as this particular Eid involves sacrificing sheep, I luckily missed it!

There are of course, many ex-pats and soldiers in Afghanistan who celebrate Christmas but everything is stripped back: a 9pm curfew, Christmas pudding shortages and the likelihood of Christmas falling on a working day are but three examples.

On New Year’s Day, instead of a football match, Buzcashi is the sport of choice, involving men on horse-back competing for a goat’s head. (You think that’s bad, during the Taliban regime, it was the head of a prisoner!)

There are so many things I could tell you about an Afghan Christmas, but essentially I have never felt so cold, privileged or challenged in my life and I wish I could tell you more!

Lydia James

“

tally, we actually PAID for).

Ultimately though one has to remember that there is a heavier message of spending Christmas in a third world country. Whilst at the time (2002) Kenya was going through a new democratic age (after two decades in power, President Moi was finally “voted” out) and all the hope that goes with it, this devoutly Christian country is still in ruin, feeling the pain of decades of poverty and suffering the blow of Aids. It’s hard to summon up much in the way of holiday cheer when all that surrounds you is the suffering of others – at a time when we’re all supposed to be united.

“

I

have a suspicion that when one imagines Christmas away from home, Afghanistan doesn’t spring immediately to mind! Two years ago, however, I found myself in this eerie and amazing country against Home Office advice.

My reason, or excuse, was to visit my sister who works for a charity in Northern Afghanistan. My biggest concern was not security, the cold or culture shock but knowing that the concept of ‘vegetarianism’ is alien to Afghan culture, as it is in much of the world. Inevitably, I was soon choking down my first piece of chicken in twelve years. Furthermore, my sister was instructed to feed me as ‘guest of honour’ – in Afghanistan this means more than a phrase.

Many families do not begin eating until the guest has finished and as I am a slow eater, this must have required considerable willpower!

Christmas in Afghanistan is somewhat of a non-event; that is, being a Muslim country Christmas isn’t celebrated. The day after my arrival though marked

“

Afghan Hounded

travel

Christmas dinner consisted of a cheeseburger and chips

Tom Barnett

travel@gairrhydd.com /

15

features

Christmas Memoirs From sentimental to multicultural: Features finds out what goes on behind the scenes for students on Christmas day.

C

hristmas is usually a hectic time in the Zarrett household, which is hardly surprising with the conglomeration of Polish Catholicism, American Episcopalian, and British Anglicanism that runs rampant in my family. On Christmas Eve, however, the Polish takes a focus as my grandmother leads a feast that would defy even the most voracious of stomachs.

The evening begins with a shot of vodka that burns its way down, ensuring that the sleepy few snap to clarity with a single swallow. While the vodka changes every year, the reactions are usually the same – gasps, laughter, and teary eyes. Usually a packet of Oplatek, or blessed bread that my family teasingly describes as fish food follows, along with a blessing over those present and those absent. Each person breaks off a small piece of another’s Oplatek and eats it, kissing each other on the cheek before moving on to the next family member. Once the entire family has done this, the eating can commence as the family seat themselves at a table set with one extra place for the ‘unexpected guest’.

With the Polish Christmas Eve, pacing yourself is the biggest obstacle...

First course: borsch, a beet soup that is an acquired taste. After 18 years of eating it, I have found that I now actually enjoy it. I’m not sure how many taste-buds have died for that conclusion.

Second course: cold fish. This includes pickled herring – which

I’ve not developed a taste for yet – as well as salmon and various white fish. They’re accompanied by root vegetables, including carrots, turnips, brussels sprouts and the like.

Third course (my personal favourite): peirogi. These deli-

A feast that would defy the most vora cious of stom achs

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cious morsels are most easily compared to dumplings, and they can contain potatoes, cheese and onion, or spinach and mushrooms inside.

Multiple plates are brought to the table as the peirogi can be either fried or boiled, depending on your tastes – or the doctor’s orders concerning cholesterol levels.

Fourth course: cooked fish finishes the meal, and by this point everyone is feeling the strain on their Christmas outfits. Breaded or baked, the fish is delightful, as is the company.

The laughter spills over, and as the meal winds to a close, the challenge shifts from finishing dining to walking to church in a straight line for Midnight Mass, where the warm glow thaws the soul as we celebrate the birth of the Christ child.

Kelley Zarrett

features

L

ast Christmas. Right. The day started well, with everyone slightly less angry than usual at my excited 7am ‘wake-up, it’s chriiiiisstmaaaasss’ dash around the house. Perhaps because I allowed them an extra hour in bed this year. Possibly due to my elevated blood alcohol level (I maintain that sambuca is the perfect ‘Christmas toast’, and nothing welcomes December 25 th like a crazy dance…), I have left it late this time. Teas and coffees and bucks fizz all round provide an ideal hair-of-the dog and caffeine boost, so everyone’s happy.

That is, until Dad remembers how hungover he is. And until my brothers start fighting (and no, they aren’t little – this is an alpha-male struggle for sofa space between a man in his twenties and a 19 year-old. Very cool.). Mum tries to pacify the situation by starting the present unwrapping. Dad decides to instigate an oldest-person-opensfirst rule, and we let him get on with it. To our dismay he opens two presents that were definitely not for him.

Unless he has a new-found love for orange nail varnish…but who knows (this is the man who, at 55, plans to attend a New Year’s Eve rave).

The morning continues in a similar fashion, until Dad returns to bed to

I

t’s Christmas morning and not a sound is heard. The delicate whisper at the door informs you that Santa has been and to get your lazy backside up.

You race downstairs, pushing your little seven year old brother out of the way in the process. You squeal with delight as you approach the mound of wrapped goodies pouring out from under your fake, high street, Christmas tree. It is at this point, where you are about to burst, that the day comes crashing down! You soon realise that seventy percent of the presents are cheap, tacky toys for your spoilt little brother. You put on a forced grin as you discover your fifth pair of socks,

remembering to throw your wrapper in the black bin liner in the middle of the room.

On arrival at your Grandpa’s house you are welcomed to a Christmas free zone, where the only evidence of the season is the single solitary card he received from an old Irish friend. You sit down for what can only be described as the most disgusting array of vegetables and burnt turkey

sleep off his ‘cold’ (nothing to do with the vat of mulled wine, then) and Mum starts flapping about in the kitchen. There’s only one thing for it. My sister and I banish her until lunch is done.

Still slightly-drunk-from-the-nightbefore strikes me as an ideal way to cook a Christmas meal. You become…creative. And generous.

For example, when the duck falls on the floor, you cut that bit off and give it to the cat as a ‘present’. Or when the potatoes burn, they become ‘chargrilled’. But who cares, really.

We all sit at the table, trying to understand my Gran’s crazy ramblings and dousing ourselves in mulled wine, champagne and a great deal of brandy butter. Which oddly makes her easier to understand. And we all manage to get along OK, as long as everyone abides by the ‘men must have five helpings’ rule.

And who gives a jingle-bell if their family Christmases aren’t perfect?

Snap your cracker in your brother’s face, or giggle sneakily when your relatives start to bitch at each other…at Christmas, there really is no place like home!

Estelle Victory

Christmas drunk who has stumbled out of his house only to collapse onto your Nissan Micra. As you scrub the last his vomit from your bonnet, you realise that this truly is a once in a year treat! You spend the evening watching the usual Christmas comedies, stuffing your face with the annual tin of Quality Street. Having watched the older members of the family fall into unconsciousness you slip upstairs to wade through the innumerable levels of Christmas

the usual Chr istmas comed ies stuffing your face with Quality Street your stomach can face. On finishing you return home to your bedroom, looking at the clock expecting the end to soon be approaching.

However, you soon realise your wake up call of 5am was not such a good idea as you are faced with a further 7 hours of Christmas ‘bliss’. You choose to spend it, not with your loving family, but the old

underwear plonked onto your bed.

Rather than sling it on the floor, where it will remain until New Year, you collapse into a heap between your Beano annual and a novelty alarm clock. Only at this point can you look back and appreciate the day for what it is, a complete and utter nightmare! Gerwyn Wise

features@gairrhydd.com /

17

features

Under the influence Chris Rogers explains why Rudolph is another of the great leaders of our time... and not just to reindeer.

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IMAGE: Gillian Couch

S

ome of the most inspirational people in this world are those that lead us, those that guide us through darkness. They show us the way when the way is not always clear. Martin Luther King springs to mind; he led the way to civil rights in America. “What about Alexandra the Great?” you might say, “he bravely led his army into battle and conquered many lands”.

But one person is overlooked; someone who literally outshines the rest.

This person is not technically a person, but that doesn’t really matter. His name is Rudolf, yes Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer!

Rudolf carries a great responsibility upon his shoulders. He must guide Santa Claus and his sleigh full of presents through the dark Christmas Eve night with his bright red nose, ensuring everyone’s presents are waiting for them when they awake on Christmas morning.

Rudolf inspires me to persevere. Whenever I am up all night trying to finish an essay, I think to myself: Rudolf’s annual night long task seems impossible, but he achieves it, every year, without fail.

I am not the only person to take inspiration from Rudolf’s great leadership skills and perseverance: Julius Caesar also cited Rudolf as an inspiration to him in one of his recently excavated diaries.

So, whenever you feel lost, whenever a task seems overwhelming and nigh impossible, turn to Rudolf, he will guide you.

interviews

Si Truss and Lucinda Day hooked up with indie’s fittest frontman, Keith Murray, to talk sex, paedophilia and the Kaiser chiefs...

“T

he Kaiser Chiefs certainly don’t skimp on the catering,” smiles We Are Scientists guitarist and vocalist Keith Murray, as we sit down in the rather soulless backstage canteen of the CIA. This one statement seems to be the only genuinely true thing that Murray has to say to us tonight.

Don’t get me wrong; the man isn’t a difficult interview. Far from being the kind of troubled rock star who’ll avoid questions with monosyllabic answers, Keith simply comes off as a man who very much enjoys spouting utter nonsense for the sake of

a good laugh, particularly when it comes to their touring buddies the Kaiser Chiefs.

“They’re all Paedophiles, did you know that?” he responds when we try fishing for backstage gossip on the Chiefs. “Oh, and Peanut is really into erotic asphyxiation, is that enough gossip?”Please don’t go burning your Kaiser Chiefs CDs in disgust just yet though, going out on a limb we think that Mr Murray might be making this stuff up.

Maybe it’s this imaginative streak that makes We Are Scientists come off as a band who are having such

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a good time, because whatever it is they’re certainly doing something right. It seems the Scientists are keen to share this knowledge with the world too; to coincide with their current UK tour the New York boys are delivering a series of what Keith describes as ‘self-help lectures’ around the country.

“It’s an inspirational program, a kind of self improvement science; it’s powerful stuff,” Keith tells us, although he’s the first to admit that it’s not really likely to solve anyone’s problems. “We don’t really ask people about their problems, it’s not really

“

interviews

In my experience sex is not really about the other person; it’s about me and I’m good.

about give and take it’s more about us force feeding people our ideas.

It’s legitimately about 45 minutes of us spouting utter nonsense but it has got videos and a rather nice PowerPoint presentation.”

True to their word the Scientists boys know how to put on a good lecture, with the band forming while the boys were at university in California they seem to have plenty of experience in education.“I like to think I continue to be a student,” Keith explains. “I’m going to start a university in the future and I’ll be the sole instructor. I’ve got a lot of knowledge I need to pass on.”

However, quizzing Keith on his school days we have to hope that the tales he tells us come from the same odd recess of his imagination as his dubious claims about the Kaiser Chiefs.

“We once trapped the school’s janitor in the closet and duck-taped up all the air holes; he asphyxiated and died. Everyone thought it was hilarious but they sort of had to discipline us because he perished. Then

I went on to have an affair with every female lecturer and two of the more feminine male professors as well.”

And with this conversation quickly moves on to Murray’s prowess in bed.“In my experience sex is not really about the other person; it’s about me and I’m good. On a scale of one to ten I’m like a fifteen, I’ll be honest; I’ve never had a bad time in bed. Some of the people I’ve slept with have made awful faces or had pinched expressions while it was happening but I don’t let in bring me down.”

We try to steer the conversation back to music with rather unsuccessful results. We Are Scientists have a new album that they’ve just recorded and is slated for a 3rd March release, yet Keith is typically obscure in his description of the record’s sound.

“It’s the musical equivalent of a wonderful, beautiful prairie with some lovely deer wandering around.

But then nuclear war breaks out; deer versus squirrel but on a nuclear level, that’s this album. That’s just an analogy of course, I would never take

”

sides in the war between squirrels and deer.”

As for this current tour We Are Scientists seem to be enjoying playing show’s with the Kaiser Chiefs along side their own shows but are quick to acknowledge that Kaisers fans may be slightly different from their own.

“Our average fan is maybe 20 or 21, very good looking, gets loads of sex and has lots of money because of it. They’re the kind of person who will have sex for money but that’s fine as they’re highly educated and very street smart. On the other hand the average Kaiser Chiefs fan is very discerning but still looking for something they haven’t found yet. That’s where we come in, we’re that something.”

With that Keith is done, gets up, shakes hands with us and is off to sample more of the Kaiser Chiefs excellent catering. Maybe he’s not going to be the next big thing in self-help just yet but he is clearly a man who very much enjoys what he’s doing, even if he does talk a lot of shit.

interviews@gairrhydd.com /21

interviews

The Pop

Factory Awards

2007

They were laying down the red carpet on the Union steps last week, as the Pop Factory awards came to Cardiff. Here’s what a few of the winners had to say for themselves...

BEST NEW ACT: Kids In Glasshouses Do you still think of yourselves as a new band?

It’s touch and go, really. We’re new to people; we’re not new to me!

How does it feel to win your first award?

It’s pretty cool, cause it’s coming from home turf, so I’m stoked.It’s better than a grammy for me!

What do you think about X Factor? Would you put yourself forward for X Factor?

No because I’d have to meet people like Shane Ward.

That’s not music, man. That’s fuckin bolllocks. That’s where this whole manufactured pop teen fucking bullshit comes from. Fuck that.

I’ve heard a rumour in the local music scene that Pennie from The Automatic might be teaming up with you. Is this true?

I spoke to [Alex] Pennie today. I think that rumour’s a lie, but I love Pennie… One time he came onstage with us, we played a really terrible show in Bridgend. It was on my birthday actually. I spent my 20th birthday playing this terrible show, and he came onstage.

“Shane Ward:

that’s not music, man. That’s fuckin’ bollocks” BESTLIVEACT:

You’re still unsigned and you’ve rejected a lot of offers. How do you feel about any potential offers coming now you’ve won an award?

We’re still open minded, but we’ve sort of seen the way everything works, so we’re still on our toes as to who wants to help us and who wants to screw us. We’ve done everything on our own so far so we’re quite happy to sign with someone who’s on our wavelength.

Funeral For A Friend Any side projects on the cards?

We’re busy enough on our own. No solo albums on the cards.

What do you think about bands reuniting?

If you’re gonna do it, do it with the original line-up. I was gutted when the E-17 one went so badly. I’m glad Take That got back together – they’re fantastic(!)

So what albums do you want in your Christmas stocking?

The Take That one. It’s fantastic. Patience? Oh, gorgeous.

Do you have any other guilty pleasures you’d like to divulge, musical or otherwise?

Beyonce and Kelly Clarkson.

22 / interviews@gairrhydd.com

Which would you rather have: soup ladles for hands, or no eyelids?

No eyelids. You’d munch every couple of minutes with soup ladles…

XFM ARTIST OF THE YEAR:

interviews

The Wombats Are you worried about the speed of your rise through the music world?

As far as everyone else is concerned, it has been quite a quick rise. For us, we’ve been around for four and a half years. It feels like we’re just doing the same thing we have been for the last few years. It’s great.

Do you feel comfortable being labelled as an NME band?

The NME have a history of building bands up and then dropping them. But we don’t feel like an NME band as such – our success isn’t been solely down to the NME. I don’t think they’re the be all and end all of music press – hopefully people have a bit more sense than just listening to what they say.

Where did you get the name from?

We used to call each other wombats – which, apparently, Australian guys use it as a term for guys who literally eat, shoot and leave: one night stand guys.

Apparently, they’re pretty useless things – like tanks – but I don’t think that reflects on us!

Georgia Ruth Williams

Georgia Ruth Williams is an up-and-coming harpist from Aberystwyth, who performed at the awards and has been tipped for success.

Quite a few people have compared you to Joanna Newsom. Do you have anything to say about those comparisons?

I think you can’t avoid that comparison just because we both play the harp. But, actually, our music’s quite different – she’s great, I really like Joanna Newsom, but I’d like to be different I think.

Anyone you aspire to be like?

That’s a hard question… Just someone who has longevity I guess. Nina Simone. My biggest influence is probably a guitarist who’s dead now called Chris Whitley.

If you could be a fictional dog, which would you be?

Snowy. Tintin’s dog!

OutstandingcontributiontoMusic: Mike Peters from The Alarm How does it feel to win this award?

It’s great. It’s hard in your own country, especially when you’ve been around for a long time like we have. You sort of become invisible, in a way.

In 2005, you were diagnosed with cancer, which has since gone into remission. Does this mean you’re through your chemotherapy now?

I’ve got a disease that’s not curable. At the moment it’s out of sight, as it should be. Everytime you fight back to it, you hope there’s something else that’ll come around that’ll keep you alive. I’m lucky that I respond to all the drugs. I’ve been around to supposedly the best doctors in the world with leukaemia. I decided to start a foundation and we’ve been to Everest, climbed the Empire state building and raised a lot of money around the world. I feel we need to support the nurses and doctors and people who need treatment immediately.

What’s the strangest thing that’s happened to you on tour?

In 1984, we played 3 nights in San Diego. It was great. Every night we’d finish the gig by saying, “I wanna hear San Diego singing SixtyEight Guns!” which was brilliant. The fourth night was in Santa Barbara.

Towards the end of the gig. I shouted, “San Diego, I wanna hear you singing!”. There was not a whistle. I got on the seat, on top of the monitors: “SAN DIEGO!” – nothing. And then a bloke in the front shouted up, “It’s not San Diego, It’s Santa Barbara...”

Words & Interviews: Ben Bryant Photos: Jake Yorath

Sons &

interviews

Daughters

Jim Finucane heads for Bristol to meet Scotland’s finest: the brooding Sons and Daughters

T

hank God I’m not as nervous as I thought I’d be. Trying to navigate my way through the rain-sodden concrete jungle that is Bristol seems to have distracted me from the task in hand. Warmed in the cosy refugee that is the Louisiana, the friendly and boisterous nature of Sons and Daughters diminutive singer Adele Bethel is a further comfort.

We may just be the other side of the Severn, but only three days after their show at Swn in Cardiff the band are back in the west-country via Plymouth and Cambridge. In the middle of a month long tour promoting their soon to be released third album, the Scot is understandably disorientated, but no less enthusiastic.

“It’s nice to be getting the adrenaline of performing live again after recording the new album, and just meeting people that like your records – that’s the best part of it really.” The adulation of the band at Cardiff’s Barfly a few days back can be seen as quite a contrast to their only other appearance on Welsh soil: supporting the typically unconventional Morrissey

in Llandudno of all places; a quaint little seaside town up north. Thankfully, the band didn’t experience too much hostility from his infamously intolerant followers though. “We got a couple of ‘We want Moz’, but in general it was quite good – but the band on the second half of the tour got booed of stage every night and had to just go home!”

Playing a set that includes much

“

There’s a lot of ‘woah woah’s’... people have been joining in

”

new material can often be a tenuous situation for any band, particularly when the new songs are a slight departure from previous records. But Sons and Daughters three-minute juggernauts of pop seem to have gone down very well with fans old and new. “Yeah, a lot of people, ‘cause there’s a lot of ‘woah woah’s’ in a lot of the new songs, have been joining in. People have been singing along

24 / interviews@gairrhydd.com

– it’s been really encouraging, as we weren’t really sure what people were going to make of the new stuff.”

This change in sound is largely down to the input of ex-Suede guitarist and legendary hard-nosed producer Bernard Butler’s attempts to wrestle the band from their comfort zone of the past two albums – an approach that sparked fireworks in the studio. “He came in and turned our world upside down really, it was quite a scary experience at first. Some of the things he said were very hard to take; we hadn’t really experienced that before. It created a bit of an atmosphere sometimes, but I think he quite like that.”

The gruelling schedule shows little sign of letting up either. Even after the final date back in their hometown of Glasgow the band will then be subjected to an unenviable press tour in Europe. Tonight however, Adele sways, jives, and swoons as captivatingly and as refreshingly as ever… and standing amongst the crowd I begin to remember why I was nervous again.

interviews

PHOTO: ROSEANNE EASTOE

Santa’s Career Hits New Low!

A

s Mr Claus walks through the doors of Embassy café, a good half an hour late for our meeting, I can see on his face that he is a man crumbling under immense pressure.

I suppose this is to be expected, what with the burden of having the world’s most difficult and demanding job. This, however, as we all know, is not the only reason for his disgruntled look. With the recent allegations in the press surrounding his treatment of Rudolf, and, perhaps more alarming, the accusation of sexual assault made by one of his elves, Mr Claus is understandably under a great deal of stress.

However, I decide not to let this affect our meeting, and aim to treat him like the immensely important figure that he is. “Must be a busy time of the year for you,” I nervously blurt out as he approaches the table. “Thank you so much for making the trip down to Cardiff.” He grunts at me in acknowledgement, then slumps down on his seat; the rusty bells around his tired ankles jangling slightly as he shifts about in an attempt to make himself comfortable. Before I am able to introduce myself properly, and start with my questions, we are interrupted by the waiter, who makes some crack about the abundance of people appearing in fancy dress at this time of year - Mr Claus doesn’t laugh.

At this point I’m beginning to worry about how the interview will go. My anxieties are made worse when Mr Clause shouts at the waiter: “Have you not got anything stronger?” in response to the question: “tea or coffee?” So, I think to myself, the cold

INTERVIEWS EXCLUSIVE! Chris Rogers meets Mr Claus to discuss some shocking allegations... climate is not solely responsible for those rosy cheeks. “Huh!?” He exclaims, glaring at me – I must have said that under my breath, I thought, and just smiled nervously back at him.

I decide to crack on with the interview, and start by asking him if he enjoys his job. “It’s all I’ve ever known,” was his response. Right, I think to myself, a new direction is needed here, and in a moment of courage I discard the rather tame questions I had planned to ask him, and decide to tackle what is really on his mind.

“What is your response, if you don’t mind me asking, to what the tabloids are saying about you?” An awkward silence ensues. “Rubbish” he eventually utters, staring down at the glass of whiskey - which has just been served to him. “Absolute rubbish - don’t you believe a word of what you read in the papers, my boy.” He pauses for a moment and then continues to say “Anyone famous, anyone who does a little bit of good in this world, is eventually a victim to those hounds that we call the press!”

“And what would you say to the Prime Minister about his strong suggestion that families with young children should block up their chimneys this Christmas?” I ask. “Well” he says, through his teeth, “The Prime Minister doesn’t know jack about me, and if he wants to ruin Christmas for the nation, he is going the right way about it,” he then knocks back his drink, before continuing: “This is the first political leader I have fallen out with since Cromwell - I stay out of politics, me, it’s not

my place, but when Christmas is at stake, I’m prepared to go all guns blazing!”

I suddenly feel overwhelmingly sorry for my interviewee, a man of great age and wisdom, bullied by the press, and a victim of modern day anxieties. How is a man, so great, so timeless, treated in this way?

I decide to change the course of the interview, and ask him why he is wearing black this year. “I’m boycotting Coca Cola,” he says. “Have you not read in the papers about how corrupt they are?” he asks, seemingly unaware of the irony. “No,” I say.

At this point, I look down at my watch and realise our time is up, looking up, I see he is already aware of this, and is collecting together his stuff. He bids me farewell, and sarcastically wishes me a merry Christmas, exclaiming that it will be a quiet one for him this year, and then leaves.

What I have learnt from meeting Santa Claus, is that no one seems to be immune to the modern world, a world where anyone can become a victim. So, please, just give the most important man alive a chance, it is Christmas after all.

interviews@gairrhydd.com /

25

fppd

turkey free

ZONE

After 2000+ years of boring old Christmas dinners, surely it’s about time for a change...? Kath Petty and Dan Smith set about revolutionizing the traditional Christmas dinner

I

t’s that time of year again.

Christmas is nearly upon us and we’re well into a commercial spend frenzy that began at the end of August.

The food world of course cashes in big time. You know it’s Christmas when Jamie Oliver’s voice is the only one you hear in the breaks between the latest installment of X Factor, which is bound to send all us poor gullible souls off to Sainsbury’s for their ‘taste the difference’ delights, along with the regular TV chefs who plug their latest cookbooks - half price at WHSmith.

Tesco started their Christmas bonanza well back in SeptemberIt’s true. I watched as Albany Road Tesco Metro stocked up with mince pies and pudding long ago, pushing my indulgent bakery snacks off the shelves.

Once again the Christmas dinner feast looms. For those who barely cook a sausage all year, they are suddenly bombarded with a truck load of family members to cook for, all with extremely high expectations and mouths frothing with excitement, and those cooking are forced to spend the best part of their christmas day trying

to shove giant bird into the oven.

So, out come the supermarket prepared vol-au-vents, smoked-salmon appetizers and sausage rolls which already begin to fill you up as you guzzle them down, and at a 100 calories a pop you might want to stick to the crudités - I do believe I had at least five of each last year! You settle down to the familiar chicken liver pâté, smoked salmon mousse and blast-from-the-past prawn cock-

“

The typical pièce de resistance: dry turkey, colourless vegetables and three types of potatoes

tail, before the pièce de resistance: dry turkey, odd tasting Brussels’ sprouts, over boiled, colourless vegetables and three types of potatoes which you can barely push your fork into. All followed by stodgy Christmas pudding and as much overliquered trifle you can force down yourselves.

After all that, you stumble from the dinner table to a big ready-toswallow-you-up sofa, sifting through

a forest’s worth of wrapping paper, dodging curtain crawlers and unwanted gifts as you go, before flopping in front of a Doctor Who extravaganza on TV and falling asleep, and no wonder, at a massive 6,000 calories consumed, you’ll be surprised if there’s any room left for next day cold turkey sandwiches.

Okay, so that’s a very pessimistic outlook on Christmas, and rather insulting to those who cook it year in year out (sorry nan!). But year after year of the same dinner, and I think it’s time for a change. Turkey is becoming ever more expensive, and if you want a good, farm reared organic one instead of the battery-farmed victims that are usually on offer, it will set you back almost £100. And the possibility of bird flu is bound to turn you off otherwise.

The Quench food team are going to revolutionize Christmas dinner, and we are going to change it for the better. Our aim is to create a simpler, lighter more modern Christmas dinner, which does not take huge man-power or 13 hours of preparation. And after all this you should be able to enjoy the rest of Christmas without the need for passing out, unless you fancy knocking back a bottle of brandy, of course. So crack open the champagne and enjoy, with not a turkey in sight…

Turn over for the turkey-free Christmas dinner...

food@gairrhydd.com /

27

food

starter: Gravad lax G

ravad lax is a posh Scandinavian dish normally made with expensive cured salmon. But before you stop reading and turn the page, impoverished reader, listen to this: the foolproof method works fantastically with any oily fish such as mackerel or trout.

These are much cheaper, the dish still tastes awesome and it’s very healthy.

Head for Cardiff market opposite the St David’s centre for some fresh fish. Get the fishmonger to fillet and pin bone them for you; it’s a free service.

serves 4 . you will need: ●

4 Fillets of trout, or a salmon fillet allowing about 75g per person 100g suger

●

75g salt

●

15g of roughly ground pepper corns

●

Bunch of dill, roughly chopped

For the mustard and dill sauce: ●

1 egg

●

juice of 1/2 lemon

●

spoonful of mustard

●

a little dill

method Get a plastic box long enough to lay your fish in or a rectangular dish.

Anything non-metal will do, as metal will corrode and ruin the fish.

Lay your fillets skin side down, in one layer. Liberally sprinkle on your salt mix then cover with dill. Lay the other fillets on top of the salt.

28 / food@gairrhydd.com

A note on Farmed Fish:

●

Despite recent improvements, fish farms are still notorious for implementing intensive farming practices that can have an adverse affect on the environment.

Fortunately, there are now laws in place which insist that all fish sold in the EU must be labelled as farmed, caught in inland water or off shore.

Avoiding farmed fish altogether is a good idea, but if you find this difficult, it’s worthwhile paying extra for properly farmed fish. It’ll ensure that the fish have a better life and you have a better fish.

Take the fish out and brush off the salt mix with kitchen towel.

Slice as thinly as possible at an angle finishing at the skin so as to have slices of fish with no skin.

Serve with buttered brown bread and mustard sauce.

If you have more fillets lay these skin side down. Sprinkle with more salt and so on until you’ve run out of fillets.

For the mustard and dill sauce:

Cover lightly with cling film. Place something on top the size of the dish and weight with some full cartons of juice or something.

Leave for a day in the fridge.

Whisk in a liittle oil until the sauce is as thick double cream.

Lightly whisk one egg with the lemon juice and mustard until combined.

Stir in the chopped dill.

main: Roast beef, pumpkin and Kale A

t Christmas time, a staunchly traditional Brit will tuck into game birds or goose. But because of recent problems in the poultry industry, properly farmed birds can be a expensive. I’d suggest going to the market instead and getting some well hung beef.

If you’re feeling extravagant, go for a fore rib - the one still on the bone Otherwise, get something from the hind quarters such as rump, sirloin or silverside. A backrib joint is good too. It’s best to ask one of the butchers; they’re friendly and very helpful.

Meat from the central market, like

food

everything from the market, is much cheaper than from a supermarket, has been properly butchered and is fully traceable so you can be sure that the animal has been properly looked after – an incredibly important and often over looked aspect.

serves 4 . you will need: ●

Onions cut in quarters through the root. 1/2 onion per person.

●

Chicken stock, from stock cube.

●

Pumpkin cut into cubes

●

Curly kale

●

Rosemary

●

●

Balsamic Vinegar

Bacon cut into bits.

Allow 150g -180g per person.

● ●

Red wine.

●

1 tsp of arrow root dissolved in water.

Bring the meat from the fridge around half an hour before you want to cook it.

method

Pre heat your oven to 140C. Heat a large heavy pan on the hob.

Add some vegetable oil and make sure it is shimmering but not smoking.

tray and boil scraping up any lovely meaty oniony goodness as you go.

Pour this into a sauce pan and add chicken stock until you’ve got enough sauce.

Pat the beef dry with some kitchen roll, season it with salt and colour it in the pan until a nice brown colour on all sides.

For the kale and bacon:

Put your onions cut side down. Toss the pumpkin with olive oil, salt and rosemary and put in the tray. Drizzle with some balsamic vinegar.

Pop your coloured meat ontop of the onions and place at the bottom of the oven. But not on the bottom of the oven.

When it foams put the bacon bits in and cook until crispy.

Put the kale in along with a splash of water and turn the kale over until it’s coated.

Check your meat with a metal skewer. Stick it into the centreof the meat for a minute and then place the tip against the inside of your lip.

Cold is not cooked.

Luke warm is rare. (50C) Pleasently warm is medium. (60C) Hot is well done. (70C) When done. Let the meat rest for half an hour. Take the vegetable out.

Pour a glass of wine into the roasting

Heat a large sauce pan with a little oil and drop in a nob of butter.

Put the lid half on and cook until the kale is cooked but still has a bite to it.

Season with salt and lots of pepper.

For the sauce: Whisk in a little arrow root at a time and boil until thickened. Continue until the sauce is as thick as wanted.

Prep the kale by pulling the curly leafy bits off the stalks and giving it a wash. You can buy it in bags from Tesco ready-prepared but it’s more expensive.

food@gairrhydd.com /

29

food

dessert: Tiramisu T

his is the dessert that the Marks and Spencers advert should have been made for.

A luxurious mix of mascarpone,

serves 4 . you will need: ●

6 glasses

●

3 egg yolks

●

100g sugar

●

100ml single cream

●

500g Mascarpone cheese

●

Couple of drops of vanilla essence

●

Cold black coffee, 3 cups

●

At least 4tbsp of Tia Maria or any other liqueur that’s nice with coffee

alochol, coffee and chocolate. Although not traditionally eaten at Christmas, even in Italy, Tiramasu makes an awesome dessert any time

of the year and, as the name says, is a good pick me up after a large meal.

It’s such a simple dessert to make, ready in minutes.

method Beat the egg yolks with the sugar and vanilla over a pan of simmering water until thick and creamy. You should be able to pull the whisk through and see ribbons left in the mixture.

Take it off the heat and whisk until cold. Not to viscuously or you’ll loose all the air.

Beat the single cream into the mascarpone to loosen it. Again, not to much or it’ll split and form lumps.

Carefully fold the thick, cool egg yolk into the mascarpone cream.

Mix the coffee and liqueur. Put in a shallow bowl.

●

Sponge fingers or amaretti biscuits

Dip the biscuits in the coffee and drop into the bottom of the glass.

●

Cocoa powder or grated dark chocolate.

Carefully dollop a spoonful of cream on top. Then more biscuits, then more cream. Make sure that the cream doesn’t smear against the side of the glass or it’ll look a bit messy To finish, put a spoonful of coco powder in a sieve and tap over the top of the glass.

& finally...Mulled wine This is a really simple base recipe; adjust to taste with more wine,

you will need: ●

2 x 75 cl bottles medium to full-bodied red wine

●

1 orange stuck with cloves

●

2 oranges, sliced

●

2 lemons, sliced

30 / food@gairrhydd.com

booze or fruit. Probably more booze.

●

6 tbsp sugar

●

2 inch piece cinnamon stick

●

2 tsp finely grated fresh root ginger or ground ginger

●

A good glug of fruit liqueur such as Cointreau, Grand Marnier or cherry brandy.

method Put all the ingredients in a large saucepan with 2 1/2 pints of water.

Bring slowly to a simmer stirring until the sugar has dissolved.

Simmer gently for about 20 min, but whatever you do don’t boil it or you’ll evaporate the alcohol!

final whistle

Our friends over the Atlantic want everyone to be like they are.

David Weston tells us how sport is now the focus of their attention...

I want to be an American A

dmittedly, the U.S.A. has something of a reputation when it comes to competitive sports – essentially, they don’t like to play sports that other countries already play. Nowhere else in the world would a sporting body even consider naming a competition involving clubs from just a single country, ‘The World Series’. Instead of embracing globally recognised sports, until recently Americans have been happy to shun sports like football and rugby in favour of their own domesticated games, of which they have complete international dominance. But, is this all beginning to change?

Over the past decade or so many global sports have enjoyed

growing popularity in the States, and now, it seems, as if the same process is happening with American sports in Europe. With the popularity of American culture continuing to grow it is no surprise that this is reflected in the increased inter-

est of their sports. No doubts, the general public could do with a change in sporting direction, in light of the fact that Britain will not have a single representative at the forthcoming European football championships next summer.

October 28th saw Wembley take centre-stage as the venue for the first ever competitive American Football game to be played outside the Americas. Formed as a competitive sport over 85 years ago, it seems odd that a sport that draws an average crowd of 67,000 spectators per game could have eluded the rest of the world for so long. Admittedly, it’s not the easiest sport in the world to understand – though that can hardly serve as an excuse considering cricket is enjoyed by people from over 120 different nations. What’s more, the underlying principles of the game are no more complex than rugby. The overall aim is identical – get the ball under control at the opponents’ end of the field then kick it between the posts for extra points.

Granted, this is perhaps a little over-simplified, but the game is more than just a rule-happy version of rugby-fordummies.

The bigger problem is the public’s lack of exposure to the sport.

In recent years watching NFL (National Football League) has not been easy, with a weekly Channel Five show

at 2 a.m. being just about the extent of its coverage. But, with Des Lynam and his Setanta army grabbing the TV rights to half this season’s football matches, Sky Sports have taken the opportunity to bring the best of American Football to British screens.

Now there are numerous televised games on every week, not to mention the accompanying barrage of related talk-shows. And that’s not all.

The NFL has already instigated plans to put an international academy in place at Bath University offering up to 80 scholarships for American Football. Moreover, the British American Football league (BAFL) is thriving. There is already a multi-tiered system in place and, with more and more teams being formed and applying to join, the sport’s integrity is going from strength to strength.

There is no question that American Football’s popularity is growing.

Reports suggest that the 90,000 seat Wembley could have sold out 3 times over for the game in October. It seems as though the wheels are well and truly in motion, and with London being touted as a future Super Bowl venue it seems that the sport’s future is particularly bright.

Still, in spite of all this, it remains to be seen as to whether or not American Football can seriously become one of the U.K.’s leading sports alongside the likes of cricket, rugby and football.

sport@gairrhydd.com /

31

blind date

LO VE FOOLS x

x

x

?

The world of dating is fraught with potential disaster: Blind Date enjoys a good old laugh at other people’s expense... to add, on the same date.

One girl (and you’ll have to trust I’m not doing the ‘I’ve got this friend who…’ thing here) was horrified to find her knickers, unintentionally round her ankles after a few wines whilst out dancing with a new boyfriend. As testament to the calibre of my friends I can exclusively reveal she merely stepped out of them and danced away. The jury’s still out on whether the guy noticed, but you’ve got to admire a girl who can get out of a situation like that!

“

She merely stepped out of her knickers and danced away

“

I

haven’t always been this sophisticated, you know. As a bit of a dating veteran (I use the term lightly as it makes me sound old), I’ve had my fair share of embarrassing moments when it comes to wooing the opposite sex. I’ve been a victim of snorting laughter, sneaky farts and a whole host of awkward silences; not to mention a rather alarming incident with some dodgy heels. But more about that later.

The world of dating is a cut throat, dog eat dog, survival-of-the-fittest cliché fest; deadlier than an Emmerdale plane crash and more terrifying than Jade Goody’s knicker draw.

So why do we love it? For me it’s simple: the thrill of meeting new people, chatting about interesting stuff and going out for a few cheeky drinks (and who knows what else) is just my idea of fun! A first date is the only situation where you can sit down with a relative stranger, enjoy a proper conversation and not have them press harassment charges.

Call me a nut but that does it for me!

But with the good stuff comes the bad, and the potential for disaster can be, well, disastrous.

Asking around my friends for embarrassing dating stories uncovered a wealth of ‘had to be seen to be believed’ nightmares, from broken ankles and casualty trips to vomit and hanging bogies. Not, I’m relieved

Of course the natural choice for a first date is just a few quiet drinks far away from any potential calamity, but alcohol can be a bit of a devil, especially if you’re nervous.

Have a few too many and who knows what kind of crap could come out of your mouth. If you’re in a situation where you want to be impressing someone, saying the wrong thing, whether intentionally or not, will almost definitely spell the end of a beautiful thing. And remember kids,

beer on dates is not a pretty thing: yeasty farts and burps do not a romantic evening make!

For all their innocent appearance, clothes also have a curious ability of sabotaging any form of sophistication you may hold. Heels wedged in pavements, skirts heading south and ties caught in taxi doors are more common than you’d think (although if you wear a tie on a date I reckon you’re asking for it). And it’s not easy dressing to woo: trying to show you’re Interested/Nice/Hot/Up-For-ItIn-The-Least-Slaggy-Way-Possible is a nightmare for any normal person whose wardrobe began its life in Primark. T-Shirt or shirt? Heels or flats?

Lucky pants or sexy undies?

Of course, inanimate objects have a mysterious talent for disrupting the smoothest of dates too: from the slippery wet manhole (no pun intended) to the unclear signs on toilet doors. They’re all out to get us! The world’s a nasty place, especially when coupled with a few jagged nerves and a necessity to impress...

But surely it’s all part of the fun?

Aside from staying in and remaining dateless there’s not much to do but develop a hardy ability to laugh at yourself, push aside your problems and just dance away… at least you’ll end up with some good stories.

Interested in a blind date? Email me, your very own sultry love goddess...

32 / books@gairrhydd.com

Books: News Dawkins publisher facing trial over The God Delusion

T

he Turkish publisher and translator of Richard Dawkins’ atheist manifesto The God Delusion is facing the prospect of a criminal charge over inciting racial hatred and assaulting sacred values.

Erol Karaaslan, who has overseen the translation and sale of around 6,000 copies of the book in Turkey with his publishing house Kuzey, has said that he is expecting to be interrogated by a prosecutor this week after a complaint was lodged by one reader that the book was insulting to sacred values. At present, Professor Dawkins (pictured above) does not face any charges, but if the investigation finds that the book is guilty of inciting racial hatred and assaulting sacred values then his Turkish publisher could face a full trial and up to one year in prison. This apparent attack on freedom of expression will no doubt hinder Turkey’s attempts to join the European Union, which is an adamant advocate of freedom of expression as a fundamental human right.

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reviews...reviews...reviews...

Other People’s Money Neil Forsyth ... Pan Macmillan

W

hen you think about credit card fraud, and the sort of people who undertake this devious crime, you may be forgiven for thinking that the perpetrators of such a felony are organised criminal gangs funding drugs, guns and people smuggling with the profits. Not a scraggly, young, Scottish swindler.

Step forward Elliot Castro.

In Other People’s Money – The Rise and Fall of Britain’s Most Audacious Fraudster, you will be taken through the true story of the most successful credit card thief in UK history. Coming from a working class half Scottish, half Sicilian family that was always on the move, combined with bullying and isolation, Elliot had a hard childhood. The only comfort he found were his dreams of wealth and power gained through lies.

Driven by these, he soon discovered how to manipulate people to get his own way, and then how to get money from them. What started with a simple theft of a credit card, a train ride and a swift arrest would soon escalate into a seven-figure spending spree across the world, with Elliot leaving banks, airline companies and the police picking up the bills. From the first class, Rolex wearing, champagne sipping highs to the dark, lonely, incarcerated lows, Other People’s Money grabs you onto the rollercoaster of lies, deceit and fraud that Elliot Castro created in order to live the high life that he always dreamed

of, and details the price other people paid so he could achieve it.

A truly gripping, entertaining tale of greed, betrayal and sticking it to the man, Other People’s Money is a must read for anyone that’s an avid crime fan, a worried credit card user or a lottery winner in waiting.

Besides which, if you don’t buy it, Elliot will just steal your money.

“

If you don’t buy it, Elliot will just steal your money

The Dead Pool Sue Walker ... Penguin

A

crime thriller that retained its mystery until the end, this novel develops pace and is a good book to while away a few hours. Sue Walker’s latest novel follows Kirstin Rutherford as she struggles to unravel the mystery surrounding her ex-fatherin-law’s death.

While being the father of her exhusband may suggest a tenuous relationship, Walker manages to create a genuine sense of kinship between her heroine and the now drowned Jamie. Throughout the book, Kirstin delves into a murder

“

books

which occurred a year before to uncover the truth concerning Jamie’s ambiguous accident/suicide.

Equally, the developing friendship between Kirstin and Morag, the now-broken woman accused of the murders, adds some sense of depth to the characters, uniting them as lone females in a masculine world.

The mystery is set in Edinburgh, and having lived in the area for many years, Walker captures the nature of the surroundings perfectly. As a crime novel, the story maintains a sense of obscurity and mystery throughout, with the many

...reviews...reviews...reviews...reviews...books Shadow of Light James E. Cherry ... Serpent’s Tail

S

hadow of light is a truly fitting name for a book which touches on some less than friendly subject matter!

Walt is a homicide detective in Forest, Tennessee who seems to be having a bitch of a week. His grandmother has been raped and left for dead by three white power youths. His failing marriage is falling apart; and his nephew, leader of a downtown gang is trying to start a race war. Walt is thrown into the middle of this whilst trying to solve a murder and deal with racism in the police and the world around him, so as you can except this not just a tale of cops and robbers!

Whilst this sounds like a controversial book the main problem is the majority of it sounds too forced.

Over the top stereotypes are used like W a l t ’s black grandmother being called ‘Big Mama’ or how the white police talk. This detracts from the story itself and leaves it rather unbelievable, (which is not that bad considering it is Cherry’s debut novel). This is also the same for the use of descriptive language which should be used to provoke powerful emotions that only such events could, but instead sounds rushed and weak.

T

The true emo tion of a bitte r man fighting against the odds

hints and misleading details you expect from a good detective novel.

However, the characters are far less developed than they could be, with little depth to some of them, particularly the murder victims.

There are few details about the main characters’ previous lives, and consequently, their motivations. Along with a plot that keeps you guessing, or at least unsure, throughout, every good crime novel needs to explore the motivation and drive of its characters, not just the suspects. Equally, though the characters are interesting as far as

-- Shadow of Light

However, the saving grace of the book is when Cherry forgets to try and over-do things and just delves into Walt’s conversations with the world. Here you get the true emotion of a bitter man fighting against the odds; and that’s when you truly be lieve in the story for what it is - an underdog story.

James Rendell

Delete This at Your Peril Neil Forsyth Aurum Press

his book is an extremely amusing account of email exchanges between fraudulent get-rich-quick hoaxers and Bob Servant, an affable and eccentric Scottish man with a love of adventure and venture alike.

Although many such enterprises exist only in his mind, such a wacky imagination leads to the spam scammers being fooled themselves as Bob plays along, and plays with their own fraudulent schemes. Set in Broughty Ferry, Scotland, where Forsyth grew up, Bob is a fictional resident constantly on the scrounge for skirt, Scotch and easy dosh.

Despite these weaknesses he remains indifferent to the offers of millions of pounds from tribal land, busty Russian brides and allusive job offers, preferring to cause his own hoax- havoc in return!

Not only does this book give an hilarious portrayal of spam scams, it also has a more serious message concerning scams through the internet and emails. Consisting of many stories, all through the medium of email, this book is ideal for any student wanting some light comic relief from their hectic work load.

Eleanor Joslin

they are shown, the relationships between most seem to lack conviction. Kirstin immediately trusts Morag, and vice versa, despite the emphasis on how wary both women are.

Despite this, the novel is enjoyable and the twists in the plot easily carry the reader to the conclusion. Maybe one to read when you have time to spare and you want an intricate plot rather than intricate characters.

Clare Hartnett

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arts

The Producers

Wales Millennium Centre 27 November8 December

A

s a not so closet fan of musicals, I had high expectations for David Ian’s production of The Producers, and was not left disappointed. The story follows failed Broadway producer, Max Bialystock and accountant, Leo Bloom on their journey to produce the world’s worst musical, pocketing a bundle of cash in the process. As far as storylines go, it is bizarre, risky and fantastic.

In fact, everything about this musical is so wrong yet so right.

As Bialystock and Bloom embark on their unique theatrical journey, we are exposed to a collection of surreal and remarkable scenes. We follow them through ‘Little Old Lady Land’ where they seduce the over 80s (complete with zimmer frame dance) right through to the production of their sure fire flop of a musical, ‘Springtime for Hitler’ (complete with sparkly bratwurst and pretzels). To anyone who is not familiar with the musical, this may sound like a mish mash of farcical rubbish, but trust me on this one, it’s the kind of farce you definitely want to be seeing.

The cast were enigmatic and kept their energy

throughout, particularly impressive in the case of Cory English (Max Bialystock) and Reece Shearsmith (Leo Bloom) who appear in practically every scene. On first encounter with Shearsmith, I was worried he would play the hysterical side of his character a little too excessively, but fortunately this fear was soon put to rest.

English played Bialystock to perfection but for me, the star of the show was Alex Giannini who played writer of ‘Springtime for Hitler’, Franz Liebkind, with an energy and charisma that was truly outstanding. Everything about his costume and character had me in stitches every time he graced the stage.

Having been fortunate enough to catch this production earlier on in the year starring Peter Kay (who appears in the Cardiff production 3-8 December) as dire Broadway producer Roger Debris, it seemed a little flat in comparison. Whilst there was nothing wrong with his performance, it lacked the spontaneity of Kay who improvised and strayed from the script on many an occasion.

However, there are few actors who would get away with this and I’m sure if I hadn’t already seen Kay in this role, I would have no complaints whatsoever.

The choreograp h y and

“

stage direction was faultless and with

36 / arts@gairrhydd.com

Susan Stroman behind the wheel, there was little chance it would be anything short of fantastic. The movement on stage was incredibly clever, with ‘Springtime for Hitler’ being a highlight, providing a myriad of amusing routines and truly bizarre spectacles. I never thought I would laugh so hard at a depiction of one of the world’s most hated men. This risky strategy of focusing on a musical that represents the light-hearted, charismatic side if Hitler could either be construed as distasteful and insulting or a stroke of comic genius.

Luckily it seems to have been the latter.

As far as storylines go, it is bizarre, risky and fantastic.

In fact, everything about this musical is wrong and yet so right

“

The appeal of oddity

A plethora of seasonal artistic delights this week: with the Producers and the Rat Pack: Live from Vegas

The Producers may not have a huge number of show stopping songs that so many musicals have, but this is made up for in its witty dialogue. Of all the musicals I have seen, never have I been to one that has made me laugh so much or impressed me so much with its stage direction. In the words in Bialystock on his surprise hit musical, ‘How did we get it so right?’ I would answer, ‘I’m not sure Max, but you certainly did.’

Kirsty Page

arts

Previews Christmas with the Rat Pack: Live from Vegas St David’s Hall

L

auren Bacall coined the term ‘Rat Pack’ when Frank Sinatra and a collection of friends staggered in after a night out on the town; she remarked, “You look like a goddamned rat pack”, and the name stuck.

Sinatra, along with Samuel Davis Jr. and Dean Martin, were three of the biggest names to dominate the entertainment scene in the early 1950s, making the movies, singing the songs and romancing the ladies.

This colourful production went some way towards recreating the glamorous lifestyles of these prominent figures, with three singers impersonating their songs and mannerisms.

Mark Adams as Martin was the obvious star of the show, self-consciously mocking his own drinking habits and singing with characteristic idle sexiness. Rohan Reckord as Davis Jr, meanwhile, danced with a kind of innate fluidity, and Miranda Wilford, Nikki Stokes and Robyn Currell catered for male fantasy as the Burelli sisters in a variety of silver leotards, slit ball gowns and the Christmas classic: short, fluffy white coats.

The songs themselves, accompanied by a flawless 15-piece orchestra (notably Ron Mackie on the baritone sax), were performed with both accuracy and spirit. Chris Mann as Sinatra shimmered in an understated version of ‘White Christmas’ and dazzled in his upbeat rendition of ‘New York, New York’. Interspersed with traditional yuletide tunes like ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ were less seasonal offerings, such as ‘I’ve Got You Under My Skin’, and Mann and Martin’s pleasingly arrogant version of ‘You’ve either got or you haven’t got style’.

The emphasis on impersonation in the show sometimes jarred a little, but as a small insight into the singers’ world, the show made for light-hearted, gentle entertainment.

Tasha Prest-Smith

Loner’s Island

g39 gallery 24 November-12 January

L

oner’s Island is a place of melancholy reflection, where both human and environmental identities are questioned and explored. On entering the exhibition Alex Gene Morrison’s animated film Purgation immediately demands your attention. The mixture of vivid colours, putrid slime, and base human emotion through filmed facial expressions explores an idea that feelings of repulsion and lust are not dissimilar.

This idea is further provoked through Gordon Robin Brown’s surreal, humorous paintings. His large, acrylic paintings play out extraordinary narratives where both human and animal characters struggle within bizarrely private and erotic surroundings. Perhaps the most creatively intriguing pieces, Lloyd Durling’s immensely detailed biro drawings, depict nature’s struggle with human industry and warfare.

Durling is clearly in awe of humanity’s destruction. As a result, his drawings become understated, yet brutalised, fantasies.

The centrepiece on the top floor is Dan Mort’s seemingly offhand sculpture - a somewhat uncomfortable combination of commonplace objects. A singed moto-cross bike on a roasting spit sits above a firepit filled with burnt paperbacks, surrounded by sterile white hand-made stones. This piece offers the spectator a considered and harmonious view of the unbalanced world.

Loner’s Island is oddly framed by Miranda Whall. Her video playing in the basement is shockingly honest.

An assortment of mundane and erotic questions are whispered over the video of a fluorescent, spermlike, deep-sea creature. Ignoring social boundaries surrounding female identity and nature, Whall’s soft pencil portrait of an anus being fingered while a bird sits watching proves oddly fascinating. Loner’s Island is a beautifully provocative exhibition.

Jay Spencer

BALLET The Nutcracker St David’s Hall 19-22 December 2.30pm; 7pm For fans of poetic justice or just those who love the idea of a magical Kingdom of Sweets, this is the enchanting tale of a girl’s Christmas Eve adventure, when she meets the Sugar Plum Fairy and sees the evil Mouse King defeated by her Nutcracker Prince. Set to Tchaikovsky’s well-known score and performed by their own 38-piece orchestra, the Kiev Classical Ballet’s production brims with delight.

COMEDY Dr Jekyll a Mr Cuddio: Noel James Chapter Arts Centre 17 December 8pm Comedy night featuring the Welsh comic wizard, Noel James, described as surreal, absurd and intelligent. His 2001 and 2002 Edinburgh shows received rave reviews, catapulting him into the upper echelons of the comedy circuit.

PANTO Snow White and the seven dwarfs The New Theatre 15 Dec - 26 Jan 7pm Staring Leslie Joseph (Birds of a feather), this is a fairy-tale pantomime of Snow white and her seven little pals. Throw in an enchanted mirror, a poisoned apple and a wicked stepmother, and what do you get? Nope, it’s not ‘I’m a celebrity’, its panto season! ‘Oh no it isn’t’...

MUSICAL White Christmas Wales Millennium Centre 13 Dec - 12 Jan Based on the film of the same name, this is the story =of two friends who save christmas when it fails to snow in their holiday ski resort. Featuring a 17-piece orchestra and an all star cast, make sure you book early for a super-size helping of christmas cheer.

arts@gairrhydd.com /

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digital

Digital Love...

THIS WEEK: We should’ve been working

Everyone knows that the sole reason the Internet was invented was to allow us to procrastinate in ever more interesting ways. This was easy enough when we only had Google to find new sites - it doesn’t need to be made easier. But the relentless march of technology has done so regardless, and hence has guided us to the gates of a new era of time-wasting. We all know about networking websites – here are the best ones for notworking.

WikipediA

t acaybe you don’ hile Okay, okay, m w ed be educat tually want to your education. g tin as w re out you’ eling guilty ab But if you’re fe work you’re not of the amount at Random Ar ticle th t hi st a topic doing, ju ate yourself on button to educ ver you need to know. te you have related to wha completely un fe in the knowledge that Feeling B Then relax, sa today. Did you know that er East ng rm hi fo et e m th so nds in learnt e first punk ba was one of th Germany?

Rather like Digg, but with funnier headlines (turns out Americans actually do understand irony) and more news.

Although the news is de liberately not any norm news. Sample headline al kind of : “Not news: Couple lose state license to house foster because of their religio kids. News: Lost state license us values. Fark.com: values include rattlesna Religious ke handling”

You like this news story? it! Despite the pathe Digg tically “cool” name, Digg.com great idea – the au is a die chooses which storie nce s get onto the front page of this “news” site. In reality , the surface a couple of real news only punctures times a day, and the res taken up with cool pic tures and some ridicu t is lously funny videos. For exa mp accidentally throw up on le, I have just seen a girl her own face.

watchnt hours on Youtube I personally have spe eos, vid ing div pilations, sky ing Top 10 Goals com from my favourite artists, live music performances d many other things that an stand-up comedians, enterjuxtaposition of both s iou cur the e iev the ach at ate qu de ina l fee g me taining me and makin that don’t. If you’re stuck e same time – and som h, may I recommend Flight wit rt sta to ing eth cist for som their song “Albi (The Ra Of The Conchords and Dragon)”

www.Stumbleupon.com This is the king. The daddy. The big kahuna. The any-other-phrase-depictingthe-best-possible. 4 million other users submitting webpages for your approval. Bored? Got a deadline to miss? Just hit that stumble button and be taken to a page related to one of your chosen topics. You don’t need anything else to waste time with if you’ve got this – it’s limited only by the size of the Web. In five clicks, I have just stumbled upon ten smoothie recipes, a Tights Are Not Pants manifesto, The Best Wedding First Dance Ever (it’s pretty good), a totally geeky joke that amused me no end, and Matt. Richard Wood

38 / digital@gairrhydd.com

digital

I

t’s been over three years since Crytek’s last shooter, the highly immersive, addictive and critically acclaimed Farcry was released.

Now they’ve returned with Crysis the poster child for Directx 10. A brilliant and ridiculously technical first person shooter that manages to deliver on almost every promise made throughout its development.

There can be absolutely no disagreement on Crysis’s aesthetics.

Running on the right PC it looks spectacular. Directx 10 promised photorealistic graphics and awesome true to life effects and on this Crysis delivers perfectly. The only problem is you need the combined processing power of NASA, MI6 and the CIA to see how ridiculously good this game can look.

Crytek certainly haven’t distanced themselves from Farcry with their latest release either. The games setting could be, bar a few obvious changes, the same place. Whilst enemy troops are still smart enough to descend on you like a swarm of gun toting armoured locusts if given the slightest hint your in the area.

And the emphasis is still heavily on open-ended play, which incidentally is where Crysis shines.

The game puts you in the nanosuit clad shoes of Nomad a Special Forces soldier fighting both the North Koreans and aliens (possibly the most evil paring ever envisaged by Hollywood hacks ever) on a Philippine Island.

Set in the near future, you’re in possession of futuristic battle armour that would make Predator tear out his space-dreads in a jealous rage.

At the cost of energy that recharges, lost Nomad can become invisible (just like Predator but with the added benefit of masking the sound of his movements) become super fast, giving him the ability to leg it both into and out of trouble before anyone has the chance to figure out what’s gone

“

You’re in possession of futuristic battle armour that would make Predator tear out his space-dreads in a jealous rage

on.

My personal favourite is Nomad’s super strength, which allows you to smash through the dense jungle or enemy camps with all the understated grace of two knights sword fighting in a library. I played through the first few levels choosing to crawl through the dense jungle popping in and out of cloak to occasionally shoot a guard in the back of the head with my silenced pistol. Then my finger accidentally engaged super strength.

It was like showing a maniac a chainsaw for the first time and watching his inventive results. I punched a guy, he flew thirty feet and smashed through the corrugated iron wall of a hut, then the hut fell on top of him. As I sat at my PC mouth agape trying to come up with a suitable Arnie-esque witticism (I got as far as “he really did bring down the house”) A humvee full of reinforcements rounded the corner and attempted to run Nomad down.

I sidestepped the car and punched its wheel arch. Destruction Derby had taught me that was the secret weak spot of all cars. The humvee jack-knifed, careered over me, and smashed into the roadside foliage bringing a few palm trees crashing down around him. The car then exploded, a lot more guards turned up and I used my super-speed to run away and hide in a bush. That is what Crysis does spectacularly well, it gives you the option to approach every objective however you want.

Great touches like real-time weapon modification allows you to alter your tactics without ever breaking the flow of the game play. Yes, the controls can get a little fiddly, the plot is thin enough to be written by particularly vacuous toddlers, and the characters have all been borrowed from Jerry Bruckheimer’s big book of clichés, but it’s definitely a game worth getting your hands on at some point.

Dom Mukwamba-Sendall

“

Crysis EA PC

s c i s s a 2007 Cult Cl

cult classics

Well, it’s the end of another year folks, and what we’re interested in here, is whether or not the year of 2007 has generated anything worthy of being called a Cult Classic. Cult Classics looks at the small things, that went overlooked, and became modern classics in 2007.

Eagle Vs. Shark (Film)

Control (Film)

t’s hard to define a film as a cult classic four months after its release but Eagle vs Shark will be remembered as an instant classic of 2007. Ask anyone about New Zealand these days and its Lord of Rings rather than the All blacks that become the talking point. However director Taika Cohen gives us a fresh perseptive with this comedy.

The story line follows Lily (Loren Horsley) who works in the fast food restaurant ‘Meaty Boy’ and sparks a romance with Jarrod (Jemaine Clement), a geeky video shop assistant.

As their relationship progresses, the pair return to Jarrods hometown so he can conquer his high school arch nemesis.

Although this may be regarded as a romatic comedy, the style is more akin to films such as ‘Napoion Dynamite’ than ‘My Best Friends Wedding’. Any one who has watched the television series ‘Flight Of The Conchords’ also starring Jemaine Clement, will be delighted to see this flick before the return of the next series sometime in 2008.

Any way you look at this film, seeing a man dressed as an eagle having sex with a woman dressed as a shark has got to be worth your time.

Eagle vs. Shark is a future classic.

oy Division will always be a band you either love or hate.

With the melancholic drone of Ian Curtis’ voice and the reverb pumped guitar noises, it isn’t hard to see why Joy Division didn’t gain world wide success. However, without doubt, they were revolutionary, forging a new brand of music out of the post-punk 1970s.

It is therefore easy for me to say, that this film can be considered to have a cult status, if only because of the cult status claimed by Joy Division themselves.

‘Control’ charts the life of Ian Curtis, short as it was, with Curtis committing suicide at the age of 23.

With plenty of cuts from Curtis’s life being present, there’s enough here for a fan of Joy Division to get their teeth into.

However, this film could be enjoyed even by someone who has never heard of the band before, as it goes without doubt that the life of Curtis is greatly interesting. With the rise of his band in the 70s, to the problems he suffered at home, Curtis was a vastly intriguing character.

A great homage to a great individual, ‘Control’ comes highly recommended.

I

Chris Conroy

J

David Morgan

Send Away the Tigers (Album)

I

ts has been a long decade for Manics’ fans. The last few Manics albums, whilst interesting and possessing their fair share of gems, were disappointments coming from the band that created ‘The Holy Bible’ that is undoubtedly an incomparable masterpiece.

Earlier this year, however, this period of purgatory came to an end.

‘Send Away the Tigers’ mixes the anthemic cynical pop (‘Your Love Alone...’) and short angry punk (‘Rendition’, ‘Imperial Bodybags’) that the Manics do so well.

Political and intelligent without losing any of that musical quality that has made them one of Britain’s best (if tragically under-rated) bands. No band should sound this good on their eighth album. I would even argue is a contender for the greatest album of 2007.

Whilst ‘Send Away the Tigers’ may not surpass ‘Everything Must Go’ or ‘The Holy Bible’, such a feat would be demanding too much, but by any measurement this is the best album of the year.

Nicky Wire has made the NME cool list this year - and whilst that is an overblown arse-kiss to whichever flavour of the month act happens to be currently being played on a near endless loop on the ipods of skinnyjeans wearing top-shop fans - I feel that it does show how the Manics have returned to being top of their game.

If I had to wait another decade for the Manics to produce such a fanatic album I would - but I hope I am not required to.

Manics: Send Away the Tigers

40 / classics@gairrhydd.com

Joseph Allen

music

IN MUSIC THIS WEEK

albums:grizzlybear

albumsof2007

live:interpol

musiceditorial

I

t might seem premature to be rounding up the year already, but the Christmas break is upon us and gone goes another year in the musical calendar. Making lists and talking about music are two things which dominate my nerdy editorial existence, and so indulging in the years best albums in list format is obviously an exciting prospect.

But it’s not just albums which define a year in music, oh no, there’s also the gossip, the scandal, fashion trends and head shaving to consider. 2007 has been a memorable year all round as musicians go to all lengths imaginable to make the headlines,

seemingly determined to disgrace themselves.

Britney Spears’ transformation from princess of pop to deranged hairless psycho will probably be the most memorable moment. As her life fell apart the world could only watch on in despair, but at the same time was in awe of just how mental she had become. The shaving incident was bad enough, but the drunken disputes, pathetic attempts at public appearances and the loss of her children really took her to a different level. But hey, it’s Britney, bitch.

Elsewhere there’s the recent scandal involving ex-smiths frontman “I’m not racist because I’ve

got black friends” Morrissey. In his defense he’s almost definitely not a racist, but this was hardly the best of justifications.

On a brighter note Radiohead did good things with the internet, Amy Winehouse became the new Pete Doherty whilst the Babyshambles man himself apparently cleaned up, or released an album, or fell over or something.

However, even amongst the debauched lives of our favorite pop stars there have been great records. I hope our albums of 2007 page demonstrates what a great year it has been for music, and above all, this is what it should be remembered for. KE

loveletters

Jamie Thunder declares his undying love for Elliot Smith

I

n today’s Blunt-saturated times, the words “sensitive singer-songwriter” will strike fear and loathing into any right-minded music fan. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Elliott Smith was. Unlike the trinity of Morrisson, Blunt and Nutini however, he actually had something to say.

From the intimate late-night musings of Either/Or to the

Oscar-nominated Miss Misery and the assault that was From A Basement On The Hill (his final album, uncompleted upon his death in 2003), Elliott wound intricate, Beatlesy melodies around often initially unassuming music that steals up on you until you realise it’s somehow exactly how you’re feeling.

Whether it’s introspective sadface music or some distorted

rawk that you’re after, Elliott Smith is one of those rare artists who offers an intelligent take on life, the universe and everything in it, whilst remaining superficially accessible. So next time you’re in Spillers with some cash to spare, give him a try; at worst you’ll have found yourself a sympathetic drinking buddy, at best you’ll be introduced to the best songwriter of the last 25 years.

music@gairrhydd.com /

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music

ALBUMS OF

The Twilight Sad 14 Autumns & 15 Winters Put simply, Scot rock at its best.

Malcolm Middleton is quivering in his boots because this shoe-gaze come folk outfit have put out what could easily be one of the years most beautiful albums. Following the hypnotic piano line of ‘Cold Days From the Birdhouse’ the album explodes into assault of feedback and noise rock. Fear not though pop lovers, there is melody, albeit haunting and fragile. And with lyrics of suburban ‘children on fire in their bedrooms’ this album will be sure to tide you through the rest of 2007’s dark winter. Mike Bateson-Hill.

The National Boxer If you want atmosphere, spine tingling melodies and gorgeous vocals the National’s latest offering ‘Boxer’ has it all. A truly anthemic album it is clear, concise and brimming with stunning melodies, horns and drums. They are a band who never disappoint, and this album is testament to their true brilliance.

The National Gareth Ludkin

Boxer

Minus the Bear Planet of Ice A sweet and moving transition from the acclaimed Menos El Oso came in the shape of a progged up feast of tasty, fast, slow and atmospheric Gems. Slightly lacking on accessibility but definitely a great reward for those willing to listen it through.

A definite progression proves Minus the Bear are here to stay!

Ceri Jones

42 / music@gairrhydd.com

Simian Mobile Disco Attack Decay Sustain Release

Panda Bear Person Pitch

A consistent however not always fluid LP following highly acclaimed dance floor filling remixes many asked why SMD needed a full length apart from filling their wallets but ADSR proved the questioners wrong, avoiding ‘nu-rave’ and coming out with an electronic feast.

Ceri Jones

Animal Collective’s Noah Lennox (AKA Panda Bear) has bestowed upon us a record that blends a pop sensibility with avant-garde ambition. Rich vocal harmonies wash over psychedelic electronica creating a gentle euphoria; enchanting, joyous, ominous, yet never boring, Panda Bear has proved himself a true experimental virtuoso.

Guy Ferneyhough

Arcade Fire Neon Bible

Lethal Bizzle Back to Bizznizz

Neon Bible is a delightful and eclectic rumpus. It is an amalgamation of melodic shouting, with a diverse array of distinctive instruments and some very innovative song writing.

Highlights include a revamping of the old favourite ‘No Cars Go’, which beautifully encapsulates Arcade Fire’s ambitious and expansive sound, and ‘Black Wave/Bad Vibrations’, which takes a slightly more measured approach, but somehow remains equally explosive.

Chris Rogers

Referencing everything from Fiat Puntos through to David Cameron, Grime’s inimitable court jester is back with his technicolour brit-hop opus. With a guestlist indier than a box of Ryan Jarmans, yet still possessing the Rude Bwoy swagger that we all fell in love with from Against All Oddz, Bizzle has made THE essential album of 2007.

Ben Marshall

Super Furry Animals Hey Venus!

What with Alabama 3 unforgivably selling out, it was worrying to see SFA, masters of genre-hopping psychedelia, return to infectious choruses and a critical mauling. But as ever, the critics were wrong. Hey Venus is a little gem of a pop album, from the early bounciness to the Bunf-led weirdness of Battersea Odyssey. Welcome back, boyos.

Huw Davies

Radiohead In Rainbows In Rainbows is not the best Radiohead album to date. It is, however, the most romantic. Thom Yorke seems to be less concerned with the insufferable, overwhelming and paranoia inducing modern society, and more preoccupied with writing songs ‘dedicated to all human beings’. In Rainbows is not just romantic, it is also sexy – an adjective not exactly synonymous with the name Radiohead. In Rainbows, somewhat overshadowed by its dramatic release, marks a return to form for Radiohead, and brings with it a refreshing new direction.

Chris Rogers

THE YEAR ‘07

music

music editors pick...

Francesca

Si

An

Kyle Animal Collective Strawberry Jam

Bright Eyes Cassadaga

Explosions In The Sky All Of A Sudden I Miss Every-

Cassadaga is an album that prides itself on intricate delicacy, Oberst’s slightly faltering vocals, and its magical take on folk-inspired music.

Put quite simply, this in a record of beauty. Tracks such as “Middleman” and “Four Winds” intertwine romancticism and melody with great subtlety and tremendous force, within an album laced in poetry.

This is an album that has increasingly grown on me and become more and more integral to my entire existence since it’s release in February. It’s the closest the Texan instrumentalists have come to committing their incredible live performance to record and hence is an epic, soaring and utterly intense album filled with intricacies and brimming with energy.

Timbaland Shock Value

Battles Mirrored

Unfortunately for pop music, there is only one producer noteworthy for his devastating impact on the mainstream, and this album does nothing to disprove this. Timbaland just knows how to do it, and do it almost flawlessly. His use of collaboration is second to none, and Shock Value showcases new talent as well as the old and the brilliant in true stylistic wonder. This man knows how to sell complicated pop music, in all its convoluted layering glory, to the National commercialThe masses.

In my opinion at least Mirrored is hand down the best album released this year. In terms of sheer forward thinking inventiveness Battles out do every other band out there mixing live recording with a laptop/sampler set up like no other band has before. The result sounds like a mix of Aphex Twin and The Mars Volta yet out does both. The real trick though is not merely that it is such an original debut album but more importantly at it is an album of utterly fantastic songs.

Matthew Dear’s Asa Breed is an album rooted in electronica, yet somehow manages to touch on all corners of popular music and amaizngly makes all this cohere beautifully. Narrowly out-doing LCD Soundsystem’s Sound of Silver it’s an album very much in that vein, yet Dear’s execution is superior in its subtelty and apparant ease. It won’t fill floors like Justice, but with music this good who cares?

Future Of The Left Curses

Patrick Wolf The Magic Position

Boxer Justice †

The mammoth opening track, “Genesis”, surely says everything that needs to be said about Justice’s debut LP. An album intent on redefining the state of disco-dance pop-influenced electronica into something of beautiful and frenzying complexity, † is an apocolyptic offering laced with dirty doom-ridden beats and synths.

Justice have transformed the neon face of electronica into something almost catastrophic.

If any further proof was need to demonstrate how exciting Cardiff’s music scene is right now then this is it. The debut record from the Welsh punk trio is an album of concise, powerful, edgy and near enough flawless rock songs. Witty lyrics play over spikey guitars, fucked up synths and earth shattering baselines in songs that are equally as jarring as they are catching. Something this arty should not be this much fun.

Finding innovative new ideas within Indie music whilst also connecting with a pop sentiment is something which is rarely done to this calibre.

Layered rhythms act as a perfect backdrop to the bands sound, but once again it’s the vocal performances which steal the show. The glorious harmonies sung by Panda Bear and Avey Tare are delivered to devastating effect, culminating in a sound too unique for comparison.

Inches from perfection, and my personal album of the year.

Matthew Dear Asa Breed

Another album and you guessed it, another style for Patrick Wolf.

When a goth dies his hair red and starts wearing pixie boots you can tell there’s been a pretty dynamic change, and the same can be said for his music. The Magic Position is a record which exudes happiness and will entirely convince you in the power of love. This is pop music how it should always sound.

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music YEASAYER

All Hours Cymbals Now We Are Free

D

FUCKYEA

espite iTunes’ insistence that this can only be classified as World Music, I came away from this album pleasantly surprised.

Soaring orchestral movements mingled with true pop sensibilities prove a winning combination. Frontman Anand Wilder’s voice is ethereal; distinctive, but within the tunes themselves

it acts as another instrument giving us truly multi-faceted melody.

That said, the album is far from perfect. With only a handful of songs being under the four minute mark, it can drag along, and at times it does feel a bit like being stuck in a Gilles Peterson wank-fantasy.

However, even I cannot completely write off this album.

Buy it, steal it, play it at your fancy dinner parties, but whatever you do, give it a listen. You won’t be disappointed.

8/10 Ben Marshall

Pick he Of T

k Wee

DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN

BLESSTHEFALL His Last Walk Ferret Music

yes... god bless Mark E. Smith

I

f you’re looking for a band that typifies the over saturated genre of music that engulfs us these days, then you can’t go far wrong with blessthefall.

Hailing from Phoenix, Arizona, the quintet are your standard screamo by numbers outfit. It’s not a bad record by any means, with the use of the double bass and singers chugging capabilities producing impressive results.

However it is nothing that you haven’t heard before. Fact is, they’ve released this five years too late, and what they’ve achieved in their first full length is nothing more than what a million other bands have done already.

Good news for them is that the scene still seems to accept a sound like theirs with open arms. So with an impressive 6 million plays on their Myspace page and a current UK tour with Silverstein on go, you will undoubtedly be hearing a lot more from these guys in the future.

6/10 Pete Rollins

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Ire Works Ferret Music

A

Bone fire?

s original singer Dimitri Minakakis features alongside Greg Puciato, in chaotic yet crafted screams on math-metal freakout Fix Your Face, it is clear that Dillinger have by no means forgotten the bang that established a wholly new standard in metal in Calculating Infinity.

However it is rather the diversity and daring of Ire Works that sets it apart.

Constant shifts in mood and momentum means this is the kind of music that encompasses your entire attention and challenges the listener.

The five piece continue to reinvent hardcore boundaries whilst retaining a certain accessibility in a pop-punk immediacy that would make Fall Out Boy jealous.

This is something that is no doubt aided by Puciato’s gift of melodious crooning that further works stunningly on interludes that create a ghostly electro-ambient vibe.

Ire Works unfolds in such a way that will relentlessly keep you on your toes and in a genre saturated by prototype this makes for an explosive and very welcome comeback.

9/10 Amy Walker

GRIZZLY BEAR Friend E.P Warp Records

F

Special friends

ollowing the success of Grizzly’s second album Yellow House this Brooklyn based band have done something a bit confusing.

Whilst this is not a straight studio album or a b-sides album or a remix album it is in fact a strange hybrid of all three. Friend EP contains reworking, rejiggings and remixes of old Grizzly Bear material.

It seems however that rather than cruising straight down their warped creative road alone Grizzly Bear have drafted in some big names to rework some old songs. Take for example Electropopsters CSS who have leant their Kraftwerk-esque leanings to Grizzly Bears Knife.

Following this, beardy rockers Band of Horses have injected Plans with their country style jiggery pokery to Plans. Finally to finish the third of the covers Atlas Sound again cover Knife yet sadly rather averagely.

Whilst these covers serve probably to commercialise Grizzly Bear’s EP they seem to spoil it a bit, in my humble opinion of course. That is I think a tribute to the quality of the rest of the album. Take for example Deep Blue Sea a hauntingly beautiful home recording, a track which outdoes any of the remixes from the albums third parties.

“

It is the Grizzly Bear material that shines through

”

Indeed it is the Grizzly Bear material that shines through more than anything, which aside from the unnerving presence of too many underground Indie stars is a commendable third offering.

7/10 Mike Bateson-Hill

music VARIOUS ARTISTS

The Cake Sale Oxfam

I

batten-fucking-burg

hated Band Aid, I’ll admit that right now. In fact, for me, charity and music have always had a rough history (not to mention the countless annoyingly-pretentious philanthropists in the music scene).

That said this collection of Irish semi-acoustic is perhaps the most rewarding reason to giving to charity I’ve ever encountered. Lisa Hannigan steals the show, opening with a haunting performance for Last Leaf

SIGUR ROS Heima EMI

a film not an album

O

K lets avoid any confusion here, I know this is an album page and all but what we’re talking about isn’t actually an album but a film.

Well, I say film but that’s kind of using the word in its loosest sense.

In fact it’s pretty hard to describe exactly what Heima (meaning at home in english) actually is.

Incorporating elements of documentary, live performance and sheer art work this DVD released by the Icelandic post-rock geniuses that are Sigur Ros is a genuine truimph of what can happen when the worlds of music and film making join.

Heima was filmed through the later half of 2006. After finishing a world tour in support of their critically acclaimed Takk... album the band decided to return to their native Iceland to play a series of free, unannounced live shows. The band took with them on this tour Oscar nominated Canadian film maker Dean Deblois and it is his footage that makes up the film.

Although the main backbone of the feature consists of live performances from the band, these performances are constantly cut with stunningly shot footage of the Icelandic countryside and the increasingly curious locations in which each gig is played (which include coffee shops, old factories and protest marches.)

, and accompanying Snow Patrol’s Gary Lightbody in the beautiful Some Surprise. Okay, so if you’re not a huge acoustic fan, you might find this album a little trying at times; Nina Persson’s Black Winged Bird is a trifle turgid, and Conor Deasy’s Good Intentions Rust is a little apt for a song that’s wetter than a salmon’s bathing suit, but all is made good with wonderful closing acts Hannigan (yet again, and always a winner) and Neil Hannon with the haunting Needles, and what can only be described as mesmerizing Aliens, respectively.

To even the most tight-fisted of you out there, if you have but the slightest fondness for unplugged music, charity has never felt this good.

8/10 Sam Beeson

Between each performance are small segments of what can not so much be called interviews as introspective musings by various members of the band.

However it’s the music of Sigur Ros that really stands out in the film. The various live versions of songs, which span their entire back catalogue, are utterly breath taking.

There is a smattering of new material here but it is the band’s best loved songs, such as Staralfur and Hoppipolla that show them at their epic, sweeping best.

It has often been said that Sigur Ros’ music is very much influenced by the bleak yet beautiful landscape of their homeland and if nothing else Deblois’ imagery completely confirms this. Shots of rivers and waterfalls flowing backwards play over the film’s opening song Glosoli as if the music had been writen by the landscape itself.

At the same time although any speech in the film is thouroughly minimal it still stands as a rare look into the inner circle of a band known for being notoriously shy and allows the viewer to witness them interact with their fans, each other and the public of their native homeland in a very intimate way.

In all honesty if you are neither a fan of the band or of art film making then at 92 minutes you’re unlikely to to be able to sit through the enite film. Yet if you are a fan of either then it would be a real shame to miss it.

9/10 Si Truss

A LIFE ONCE LOST

Iron Gag Ferret Music

L

iron-bru

ike a shark, claims ALOL’s press release, this band can only go forwards. And, much like the aforementioned aquatic menace, they are big, bold and will probably bite off your leg if you bleed on them a bit.

Everything one could want from a hardcore band, perhaps, and yet where Philadelphian ‘rock powerhouse’ A Life Once Lost go wrong is that they’re filling a void in a market already saturated with bands that do it better.

It’s not entirely their fault – judging by the thundering, blues-inspired riffs, some members of the band wanted to be Pantera. Yet over it all is a lead singer who evidently failed the Killswitch Engage audition, and his relentless growling, with little break or twist on the theme, mangles up what could otherwise have been an entertaining noise.

Add to that every hardcore trick in the book and you’re left with something utterly devoid of imagination.

Don’t bother.

3/10 Patrick Taylor

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Kaiser Chiefs CIA

R

02/12/07

icky Wilson, lead singer of Kaiser Chiefs, once infamously stated that he would ‘wank off a tramp’ for success.

Well, I sincerely hope that said tramp’s rancid seed was worth it, you fat fucking sell out, because clearly Fatty Wilson doesn’t see the crashing irony of opening their set with a song called Everything Is Average Nowadays.

However it’s all well and good for me to sneer, but the fact of the matter is that the polyester clad cattle

Mcfly CIA

I

miss pop concerts. I miss the giddy enthusiasm within the arena, the girlish screams in-between songs, the ridiculous explosions and the efforts of parents to act hip for the sake of their children.

At too many gigs I stand next to reserved indie snobs looking on with indifference, carefully tapping their feet and mouthing lyrics silently in fear of looking interested. Tonight, however, is a completely different scenario.

Before Mcfly have even played a note the sheer volume that these youngsters can screech at becomes apparent, like seriously, wow. You can only imagine how this is amplified by the arrival of Tom, Danny, Dougie and

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that made up the audience bellowed every word and yelp back to fatty and his mates, which makes the lukewarm reception that We Are Scientists received all the more criminal.

Revealing several new tracks, the New Yorkers tried to engage the relatively unreceptive audience with their typically surreal comic ramblings between songs.

Unfortunately for them, there was only one band that the majority of the audience were there to see, and it wasn’t them. Aside from the genuinely pleasing We Are Scientists, I’ve had less painful surgery.

Ben Marshall

Harry (Oh, I know their names), four pop rockers treated like real life superheroes with guitars.

One minute they’re playing a cover of Rihanna’s Umbrella, before disappearing and popping up again to play on a second stage in the middle of the crowd. It’s not the hardest audience to win over, I’m pretty sure all Mcfly have to do is turn up and play, but they put on a show which is almost impossible to fault.

Perhaps the highlight was the acoustic driven Comic Relief single All About You, but as a greatest hits tour it lives up to it’s name and shows the strength of the bands modest back-catalogue. I’m not sure how I can take myself seriously saying that, but I can, I love Mcfly and I’m not ashamed to say it.

Kyle Ellison

01/12/07

24/11/07

music

I

Electric Eel Shock Clwb Ifor Bach

was unfamiliar with Electric Eel Shock until very recently, and only knew of them from the inspired album art for Beat Me, which featured a a guitarist with an afro that engulfed nearly half the picture.

Tonight, I saw a band that took the stage with unbridled energy and enthusiasm, spouting catchphrases and devil horns galore to an enthusiastic Ifor Bach audience. Proclaiming both themselves and the entire audience as bastards, they launch into the set opener of the same name.

Frontman Aki is a whirling dervish onstage, pirouetting during their funked-up cover of Black Sabbath’s Iron Man with a confidence that makes the song their own. Other highlights include a storming rendition of new material such as Transamerica Ultra Rock.

Bassist Kazuto takes on the role of official band climber, and he’s hanging from the amps with a trademark sneer. Drummer Gian had briefly said hello before the gig, but was understandably distracted readying for his appearance on stage in nothing but a cock sock.

On the way out I attempt to introduce myself to a jovial Aki in garbled Japanese, who smiles and hugs me before slipping away like a grand heavy metal spectre.

Ewen Hosie

2 9 / 11 / 07

music

Interpol Alexandra Palace

21/11/07

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Efterklang Thekla, Bristol

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26/11/07

pon arrival, the stage is a sight to see, full of weird and wonderful instruments, connected by wires and peacocks feathers.

Anyway, taking the stage adorned in sequins and trousers MC Hammer would be in awe of they sure do demand your attention. The sequined stage costumes adorn the seven moustachioed men whilst the singular figure of a woman in red sits and plays piano occasionally haunting the performance with her spine chilling vocals.

From the first song the crowd rush to the front of the stage and begin to

I

Black Crusade Tour CIA

am still unable to believe that I survived over five hours straight of ear blistering heavy metal. The Black Crusade tour was the union of the heaviest, fastest and most talented bands in the scene at this moment.

Opening acts Shadows Fall and Sweden’s Arch Enemy face no problems igniting the sea of metal junkies into some of the biggest pits I’ve seen in my life. The brutal start

slip into silent appreciation of an already accomplished bunch of instrumentalists playing music rivalling the intensity of Mogwai and the fun filled folk of Beirut.

Whilst being rapturous and emotive, succinct 3 minute wonders the songs are not, but Efterklang fill the hour with numerous brooding pop pieces delivering what can only be described as utter joy to a crowd who take it all in.

Now, if only people knew how to pronounce their name (and could pay attention for longer than a couple of minutes) then Efterklang would be as big as some of their contemporaries Ceri Jones

makes British power metalers DragonForce a light relief.

Like Marmite you either love them or hate them. For some reason the arena suddenly feels empty and the crowd reacts unimpressed making me feel embarrassed for them. Even though the singing may seem cheesy you must appreciate the extreme talent of the guitarists. Both shredding up and down the fret board, tapping faster than the eye can see.

I was expecting the Metallica wannabes Trivium to ruin the night completely, but the youngsters perform well despite the odd missile being launched towards the stage.

With material from only two albums

t Reading this year, Interpol broke my heart a little bit.

Perhaps it was my own fault for anticipating too much. Perhaps they’re just not a festival band.

Whatever the case, I was willing to give them another chance.

As fate would have it, they broke it all over again. It was a show most would’ve been overjoyed with; they are a stunning band, who have a fantastic range of musical highs to perform, and yet something just won’t transcend the borders of ‘great’ to ‘outstanding’.

They execute their tracks with a beautifully haunting unease, and a lack of energy that is in fact welcoming. And despite the knowledge I should probably never compare the two platforms, I can’t shake off the feeling I could hear more of the same sat at home listening to the same chilling and wonderful music on record. Without the middle-aged pricks and eclectic light and picture show.

Support Blonde Redhead are pronounced ‘boring’ by the same khakiwielding audience, and yet are magically fascinating. There’s no denying the sheer magnitude of Interpol’s excellence; they are truly brilliant. And yet, I wish I could heal the little ache in my heart that throbs in place of the little bursts of joy that should exist instead.

Francesca Jarvis

they aren’t the legends they think they are, unlike the mighty Machine “Fucking” Head who close the night.

A performance complete with pounding riffs, deafening growls and solos to tare you apart . They pulled off an epic show including tracks from the new album The Blackening, as well as classics from their well built back catalogue.

After several shaky years pissing about with nu-metal, Machine Head are back on form proving they are once again titans of metal Curly Borthwick

music@gairrhydd.com /

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music

L I S T I N G S 10/12 - 24/12S MONDAY 10th DECEMBER Madness @ CIA TUESDAY 11th DECEMBER Rolo Tomassi @ Barfly The Wombats @ Union The Underground Heroes @ Buffalo Future of The Left @ Bristol Academy WEDNESDAY 12th DECEMBER Flood of Red @ Barfly Super Furry Animals + The Enemy + We Are Scientists + More @ Union THURSDAY 13th DECEMBER Wallis Bird @ Clwb (upstairs)

Wet Wet Wet @ CIA Plant Duw @ Clwb (downstairs) SUNDAY 16th DECEMBER Spitafield + Tellison @ Barfly Monday 17th DECEMBER Shaped By Fate @ Barfly UB40 @ CIA WEDNESDAY 19th DECEMBER Save Your Breath @ Barfly Rihanna @ CIA XFM Winners Gig @ Clwb Jools Holland @ CIA Forever Like Red @ Bristol Academy

Rolo Tomassi Barfly g mental.

Rolo Tomassi are fuckin sections have ier screamo influenced Whilst the bands heav hed inwic nd they are bizarrely sa a frightening intensity, o bleeps. ctr ele r noodling and jaunty this one between ambient guita ise erw oth hearted, but nt fai the for e on t no Perhaps is a must see.

Alterbridge, the band that strived to be what Creed weren’t (good), have put on some weight. The bits between verses are all a bit heavy; a bit intense; a bit Iron Maiden, even. You could say they’ve altered their bridges. But I won’t. 6/10 HJ/HD/KE/DR

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SAM ISSAC Sideways BSM

A fantastic piece of happiness on disc, it’s kinda like summer again, and every time I’ve heard it, I’ve finished up smiling. Buy it, ‘cause he’s a nice chap too, and it shows in his records 9/10 SB

SATURDAY 21st DECEMBER

GIG PICK

ALTER BRIDGE Ties That Bind Universal Republic

I N G L E S

KATE NASH Pumpkin Soup Fiction

Err…there isn’t much to say about Kate Nash that hasn’t already been said. This is at least slightly different, but now it sounds even more like a happy Lily Allen. You will go “dum dum dum” along with it though. 4/10 JY

METRONOMY Radio Ladio Need Now Future Records

Fumbling proof of one fact in music; trying something new doesn’t always give great results. Metronomy’s “frenetic hybrid style” in the case of Radio Lady combines the very worst elements of urban, indie, dance and the Super Mario (Gameboy) soundtrack, producing something undeniably original, but pathetically weak 3/10 SB

IAN BROWN Sister Rose Polydor

Well, it gets you in the mood- and that’s kinda the point. As usual from Ian Brown, it’s somewhat out there, and the lyrics are quite repetitive. Instantly recognisable, and a format that works and will do for a while. Still, it’ll never be as good as the First Coming, will it? 6/10 JY

m l i F

film

THE BUZZ...

The latest news, rumours and conjecture BILBO’S RING TO BE IN 3D? TALES FROM THE The latest installment in The Hobbit saga has taken a bit of a surprising turn. It’s rumoured that Peter Jackson IS going to head up the project after months of legal wranglings.

Not only that, but apparently he’s going to shoot the two part film in 3D. We’re hopeful, but it could all be lies.

SATAN’S LITTLE HELPER. This isn’t really new, but we are very excited about the upcoming Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Based on the popular graphic novels, the first one looked bloody awesome and the images up on the web for this latest installment look even more promising.

Check out all the info at www.hellboymovie. com, and just try not to let out a girly squeal of delight.

“

let’s shag ass

(wise words from the enviable brain of Royal Tenenbaum)

DEPP AND MANN; PUBLIC ENEMIES? Looks as though our man Johnny and Michael Mann could be teaming up to make a depression era crime filck based on the nonfiction book Public Enemies. There was a romour that Di Caprio might be co-starring but he is penned in for, suprise suprise, the new Scorsese film Shutter Island.

This week we take a look at the career of one Wes Anderson

BACK ROW

There ain’t no party like a Christmas party (especially if there’s a photocopier involved) HOW WAS IT FOR WILL? It’s happened. My God it’s happened. They say that if you’re a good boy all year round that Santa will give you what you wished for. Well I was a good boy and I got warm photocopies of Sim’s perfectly sculpted buttocks. It all happened at the office Christmas party, too much wine was drunk by every party, except me, I remained stone cold sober, and boy did it pay off. Having examined the images carefully in the staff toilet cubicle, I bumped into Sim entering.

He was paralytic. I knew I’d not get another opportunity like this. It only lasted two mins, and the pillow talk was ruined by Quench editor Ben collapsing through the men’s room door. But I will remember this night for as long as I live.

HOW WAS IT FOR SIM? I must admit that I can’t really tell you much about this year’s Christmas party. What I do remember is only in snippets; Will greedily snatching still warm copies from the photocopier after I photocopied my arse several times before proceeding to run in the general direction of the toilets dribbling slightly; the slow, meandering stagger to the toilets to drain the snake; the horrible dreams I had that night in which a grotesque grinning bearded face kept moving back a forth in front of my face wailing and grunting. Funny thing is, since the party, no matter how many showers I take, I can’t stop feeling dirty.

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film

LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES L

THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD

Dir:Andrew Dominik Cast: Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck Out Now. 160 mins

Synopsis: Having idolised Jesse James since his youth, Robert Ford attempts to get close to the infamous outlaw but becomes increasingly resentful of the gang leader as he struggles to fit in. After being involved in the killing of James’ cousin he resolves to help the authorities and kill the man he so desperately wanted to be.

T

he Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford has been touted as Oscar fodder since the first stills were released on the web, so it was with a sense of anticipation that I sat down to this two and a half hour behemoth.

It is perhaps important to state

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from the off that this is not an all guns blazing western. The Assassination of Jesse James’ burnished palette of sepia, gold and grey-blue infuse the film with a melancholic, almost bleak air, and Dominik’s languid, pensive camera work cannot help but give the impression that you have walked into a dream. Its slow pace in fact, was too much for several of my fellow cinema-goers who walked out after about an hour.

However, for the majority of the audience, myself included, this movie captivated from the very beginning, emitting an overbearing sense of foreboding that movie drags you in, largely driven by a mesmerising performance from Brad Pitt.

At times James seems a broken man riddled with nervous ticks, overwhelmed by paranoia and loneliness, at others a kind hearted family man, but, having seen him brutally beat a child and coldly murder one of his gang, one is always aware that he is deeply dangerous. There are moments in the movie when something visibly snaps in the fabled outlaw.

There is no dialogue or movement, just the merest flicker in Pitt’s eyes,

but the change is tangible nonetheless; the atmosphere suddenly crackles with an almost frenzied rage borne, not of the words or acts of the unfortunate recipient of the look, but of an existence permenantly haunted by the looming spectre of death.

Though these instants are fleeting and are quickly dispensed with a wry smile, they are by far the most violent acts in a movie with the word ‘assassination’ in its title, such is the quality of Pitt’s performance.

Affleck delivers a brilliantly unsettling performance as the enigmatic Ford, caught between admiration for James that borders on obsessive (James even questioning; “Do you want to be like me, or do you want to BE me?”) and pathological fear inspired by the outlaw’s unpredictable behaviour. Sam Rockwell too puts in an engaging performance as the second, and often forgotten Ford brother, instantly more likeable but filled with a twitchy nervous energy.

As the film works towards its narrative climax it becomes clear that we are not the only ones waiting for the death of Jesse James. Though James’ behaviour becomes increas-

LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES HITMAN Dir:Andrew Dominik Cast: Timothy Olyphant, Dougray Scott, Olga Kurylenko Out Now. 100 mins

“

James seems permenantly haunted by the looming spectre of death

”

ingly erratic as he shares his home with his soon to be murderer, one never questions that he is fully aware of the Ford brothers’ intentions. Beneath the anger, and the brooding, and the melancholy we are left with the overriding sensation that all there is left to do is wait; James waits, the Fords wait and we wait with them both.

There is then, a certain sense of relief when James finally steps up dust his infamous painting. For James the relief if permanent and blissful.

For the Fords and us however, it is short lived and tainted with the overbearing sense of isolation that had burdened the deceased outlaw for the duration of the movie. Indeed, far more than the parable of celebrity culture that the movie has been labelled by some, The Assassination of Jesse James muses almost as obsessively as its chief protagonist on existential themes of loneliness, isolation and death.

Boasting magnificent performances, a beautifully stylised aesthetic and pensive atmosphere in spades, The Assassination of Jesse James is undoubtedly one of the films of the year. Sim Eckstein

Synopsis: Mysterious contract killer Agent 47 (Olyphant) finds himself embroiled in a political conspiracy after a hit, causing him no end of problems.

Seemingly set up, pursued by Interpol and the Russian secret service and having to look after a prostitute (Kurylenko) he sets out to discover what is really going on, employing his deadly skills along the way.

M

aking a movie adaptation of the videogame series Hitman was always going to be a difficult task. The slap-headed Agent 47 is a cold and mostly emotionless character, seemingly not the best attributes for a film’s main protagonist. Clearly the screenwriter took this into consideration, softening him ever so slightly, which, while good for the cinema audience, will not doubt have many gaming fans throwing down their control pads in disgust. Well, screw em’, because Olyphant’s 47 is far more interesting to watch. He takes a while to grow on you, but by the end of the film there’s no doubt he’s the coolest bald person ever.

But, does this mean the movie is any good? Hmm, not really. Unfortunately, while it seems all the parts are there to make what would have been a good film, the whole thing doesn’t... gel. While it has the requisite adrenaline fuelled action sequences (particularly a Mexican stand-off between 47 and three other hitmen), glossy cinematography and genuinely gorgeous Eastern European locations, it is often hindered by dialogue clunkier than a boxful of Duplo. This is sad, because the actors are certainly capable - minus Kurylenko, who’s contribution is uneven at best, though

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doubtless the target audience are going to be concentrating on her frequently naked body rather than her performance.

It’s a damn shame the dialogue isn’t up to scratch, because you can’t help but feel this could have been good – even a step up from a regular action film. The plot is reasonable, if complicated at times, and Olyphant does exude a quiet coolness, even when machine-gunning someone to a bloody death (oh yes, it’s rather violent). Still the film just doesn’t quite work.

That being said, it is probably the most accomplished videogame movie so far. Which, in actuality, isn’t saying much at all.

Andy Swidenbank

ependent Timothy Olyphant on Ind film... independent “Look, there’s a lot of bless em’ d Go d, an film-makers, ion. But vis ir the they’re seeing out d when An . ing bor ... it’s es sometim know, ya nk, thi you it doesn’t work !” up ing eth som w blo t jus ent 47 vs.

Timothy Olyphant on Ag ... ne Cla Mc John ing me if I “Really you’re just ask ass... and lis’ could kick Bruce Wil answer to obviously, we know the that...” ffing up…

Timothy Olyphant on bu Bulgaria in all of “It was weird... first [on location] everybody looks like that.

There’s a bunch of big fuckin’ buff guys with shaved heads everywhere. I felt like they thought ‘well he’s just trying to fit in’”.

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LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES LATEST RELEASES MR MAGORIUM’S WONDER EMPORIUM Dir: Zach Helm Cast: Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Ted Ludzik Out Now, 91 mins

Synopsis: The 243 year old Mr Magorium (Hoffman) owns a magical toy store in which toys come to life and will soon be passing it on to Molly Mahoney (Portman). This unconfident young women must run it with the help of a friendless 9 year old boy, Eric and a stiff accountant, Mutant (Bateman). But Mahoney is growing up and she is losing her ability to believe in magic, and soon the shop stops coming to life.

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r Magorium’s Wonder Emporium’ marks the directional debut of Zach Helm (dubbed the new Charlie Kauffman), as he strives to fulfill his personal manifesto; to not let his creative freedom be comprimised by the needs of the ‘studio’. And boy does he rebel against restrictions, with a cameo from Kermit the frog, a pet zebra that lives in the house and toys that come to life!

This film is a meeting of Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Disney’s Peter Pan, encapsulating everything you want a children’s fantasy to be; entertaining, colourful and revolving around a magical toyshop! However, amongst the multitude of whodathoughts and whatchamacallits, many serious and universal questions are explored, including those of legacy and morality, giving a mature twist to this playful film.

A journey unfolds, in which the

audience is invited, alongside Molly Mahoney (Portman) to rediscover self belief and a capability to see the magic in life. The idea projected, to embrace the child within, could have come across as cheesy, but Portmam avoids a sickly sweet approach and creates a character with real depth.

She is joined by Dustin Hoffman, who pulls out yet another varied and memorable performance as Mr Magorium, the lovable, albeit slightly eccentric 243 year-old toy shop owner who loves to dance on bubble wrap (we’ve all tried it).

The movie captures the beauty of childhood innocence, and advocates a message of warning against the cynicism that can sometimes takover in adulthood, making it perfect for both adults and children alike.

And with a setting of vivid colour and every toy imaginable, it is the perfect film for this festive season, inspiring fun for all.

Amy Harrison

them to discover there is more than may first appear to this world. A ensemble of relatively quirky characters, (most notably a throat singing Inuit) and various humorous encounters resonates the film’s indie appeal, whilst the noteworthy cast give reassuringly solid performances.

Although not quite as daring as the title may suggest, it is, after all, a love story which concludes, as all good love stories should, with a satisfyingly happy ending. Although relatively economic in length, the film does drag somewhat at times, just about staying on the right side of the

very thin line between the imaginative and the pretentious. Nonetheless, its charms make for enjoyable viewing, never threatening to become too preachy or philosophical.

Subtle humour and a fine soundtrack at times create an effervescent mood whilst the characters demure existences keep the tone appropriately bleak and pensive. Deeply dark, imaginatively ironic and uniquely poignant, rookie writer/director Dukic’s journey through a post suicidal limbo is in fact surprisingly enthusiastic about life.

Adam Wooward

WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY Dir: Goran Dukic Cast: Patrick Fugit, Shannyn Sossamon, Shea Wigham Out Now, 91 mins

Synopsis: After taking his own life; Zia (Fugit) finds himself travelling through an afterlife wasteland reserved for people who have committed suicide.

Longing for the girlfriend he left behind, it soon becomes apparent that the two may yet meet again.

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ou might think that killing off the film’s main character in the opening scene would cause a few problems, and normally, you’d be spot on…wouldn’t you?

Whilst routinely going about his new mundane way of ‘afterlife’, Zia soon discovers that his ex-girlfriend has also committed suicide and so, along with his new pal Eugene (Whigham), embarks on a road trip across a bleak wasteland of monotony and self-antipathy.

Along the way the pair pick up a hitchhiker in search of answers (Sossamon) and their journey soon leads

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ith the upcoming release of his new movie, Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, film headed to London to question the legendary actor, Dustin Hoffman on his title role as Mr Magorium!

And yes, he is as short and charming as you would expect!

Dustin, what is your favourite children’s film?

I’m terrible when I’m put on the spot like this, um, well maybe The Blair Witch Project’! No? Well it’s odd because where my brain went, for some reason, was to Dumbo. I love Dumbo.

Is it true that your wife, Lisa helped you find the character of Mr Magorium by telling you to look in the mirror when telling the ‘ostrich’ joke? What is the ‘ostrich’ joke?

I can tell it, but it’ll take up half the interview. I’ve been with Lisa for 31 years and I read she said, ‘are you really going to do this?’ Because she won’t read the script unless I am going to it, as there are like twenty scripts. So she read it and said, ‘I keep hearing the voice you use in the ostrich joke.’ And it surprised me and I went into the other room and started practicing. It’s a great joke.

Dustin, this character you play, he’s an old man but he’s a big kid at the same time. I was wondering if it brought out the kid in you?

I think that what the movie wants to be about is the idea that the child in us is the child that was and has diminished. We start to loosen and let go of that part that is the valuable

part of ourselves. I think because we want to fit in, and the more you fit in the more you are generic and just a part of them. The child in us is the intrinsic desire to not let that be taken.

Dustin, did the decision not to use prosthetics to age up your character to look 243 come as some relief after the arduous experience of Little Big Man? Many of times when you read something and you’re going to meet with the director, and especially in this case when the director has written it, you have that critical, ‘are we going to agree or disagree? Am I going to be able to do my best work?’ So you tend to talk about what you don’t want. Someone asked Henry Moore, ‘how do you sculpt those great, big elephants?’ To which he replied, ‘It’s not that hard, just keep chipping away what’s not an elephant.’

The first thing we agreed on was, we didn’t want to do prosthetic because it was literal approach Somehow we did on set, if I can believe that he believes it then I’ve solved it, and that meant that he had to have a certain amount of eccentricity.

What is more challenging, acting in film or on stage?

The most challenging stuff is the stuff you can’t get. I researched Rain Man for two years before I did it. I never like to know what I’m going to do, I just take in and then get in front of the camera and something comes out. And whatever came out that first week was awful and I said, ‘Let me out of here, get somebody else.’ The director just told me to improvise ad I tried to figure out how this guy answers, so what came out was ‘yeah’, and the director said, ‘there’s your guy’.

Amy Harrison

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Director...

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f the average blockbuster-mainstream film lover was to go through a truly indie, cult cinema induction, after being slowly introduced to the more easily appealing works of Tarantino and Tim Burton, Wes Anderson would be a perfect initiation into offbeat comedies, freaky characters and alternative definitions of cool. Wes Anderson started well with his short appearing at the Sundance Film Festival and gaining recognition almost immediately after his first two features, for his particular style and “elegant” film making.

He is a true ‘auteur’, being heavily involved with his scripts - most of which are written in partnership with Owen Wilson – and soundtracks – regularly using British popular 60s and 70s songs. Anderson claims Mike Nichol’s The Graduate to be a constant influence on his films and claims he derives his distinctive aesthetic from Charles Schulz’s Peanuts and Herge’s The Adventures of Tintin.

The recently released The Darjeeling Limited includes the writing collaborations with Roman Coppola and Jason Schwartzman.

His new piece features his trademark whimsy and dysfunctional families claims to be a companion piece to The Royal Tenenbaums. Adrian Brody is the newby in Anderson’s main trio, along with regulars Wilson

and Schwartzman.

Still on safe territory here, let’s wait and see how Anderson performs outside his winning formula, on his first adaptation, The Fantastic Mr. Fox (stop-motion animation due in 2009).

KEY FILMS: RUSHMORE (1998) Written by Owen Wilson and Wes Anderson himself, the former college friends have in their second collaboration - after Bottle Rocket (1996) - a truly original and personal feature,

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Wes Anderson

setting the standard and trademarks of the director. Jason Schwartzman is Max Fischer, a poorly performing student in academic matters who falls in love with a first grade teacher, resembling some of the Graduate at times.

Bill Murray’s performance is unique; establishing him as a respected actor of independent movies. Wes Anderson successfully ascertains his very own style by creating a peculiar and poignant comedy, centred on the story of three depressive characters without losing its humanism and simplicity. With Rushmore, Wes gains his loyal indie fan base, guaranteeing the success of his prospective oddball comedies.

MY FAVOURITE: THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (2001) This heavily stylized tragicomedy about a dysfunctional family of gifted children, fuses Anderson’s witty direction and comic dialogue creating a wacky family drama where characters attempt to deal with failure, respect and forgiveness in a far to intelligent manner… The funky-indie premier league cast includes the director’s favourites, resulting on fascinating quirky characters. The Wilson Brothers

make their usual appearance, nicely enhancing the family theme to the film. The Royal Tenenbaums is said to have inspired the creation of Fox’s Arrested Development, of similar style.

The film’s strange and eccentric tone is Anderson at its best, managing even to get some mainstream fans to appreciate it as an “odd, funny film about a freak family”.

ONE TO MISS: THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU (2004) The Life Aquatic looks fantastically cool: the usual gifted cast of regulars, nicely stylized scenarios and a brilliant soundtrack involving British tunes and Brazilian folk singers… and Bill Murray. It doesn’t lack on anything in particular, but is overly self- indulgent and stylized. Anderson seems to worry more about the boat than the characters, hence the film misses out on the usual emotional, quirky characters, it’s slow, unimpressive and feels as if the director just tried to use his usual tricks and hoped for the best. A success among ‘hardcore’ Wes fans, not so much outside the indie fixated bubble.

Ana Moraes

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h, the movie explosion. For me it was once the mark of a good film – the bigger the fireball and the more ridiculous the circumstances surrounding it the better. Let’s be honest here, some of the movies that follow in this list are unlikely to be cinematic masterpieces. Not that it matters. Movie explosions are all about visceral thrills, not deep insight or superb performances (see Segal, S. and Van Damme, C.). Several obvious choices are absent from the list, including Independence Day’s many pyrotechnic wonders, Dr. Strangelove’s iconic finale, Star Wars’ demise of the Death Star and any Arnie film you care to name, so perhaps this list is not the ‘best’ explosions ever, but certainly five of note. Enjoy...

SCANNERS (1981) The first in our list is possibly the least conventional. Crazy psychic Dyrral Revok (Michael Ironside) reveals his brain bending powers to an audience in the way he knows best – by blowing another man's head apart in the spectacularly bloody and unexpected scene from David Cronenberg's dark thriller. The effect was created by shooting a latex head full of fake blood and rabbit liver with a 12-gauge shotgun, and the resulting 'gore-splosion' (as I'm calling it) is as sickening as it is astonishing.

BAD BOYS 2 (2003) The movie that is the very epitome of ridiculous, Bad Boys 2 has explosions aplenty, but the Cuban Mansion scene is by far the best. Will Smith and Martin Lawrence travel to Cuba (I forget why – the shit just got real or something) and proceed to blow up a lavish house in spectacular style. It's made all the more mental when you

realise that the mansion they obliterate was completely real – acquired by the producers (just to be destroyed) for more money than you or I will ever see in our lifetime. And that just confirms in my mind that Michael Bay is a right bastard.

T2 – JUDGEMENT DAY (1991) Everyone's favourite sequel had, at the time, according to IMDB “the most accurate depiction of a nuclear blast ever created for a fictional motion picture". During one of Sarah Connor's nightmares we see Judgement Day in all it's atomic glory as a nuclear explosion rips its way through Los Angeles, frying everyone, including the little kids playing in the park in front of her. It's a genuinely unsettling scene, but also a technical marvel for the time, as were the other revolutionary effects, most notably the liquid metal T1000.

SWORDFISH (2001) While Swordfish may well go down in history for having Halle Berry go topless at one point, movie geeks everywhere will be equally as interested in the amazing 3D, bullet time, 270 degree, IMAX-stylee explosion

set piece. When one of bastardly criminal Gabriel's (John Travolta) hostages are released, the old bill fail to realise she's rigged with explosives and in the ensuing carnage the camera pans around in slow-mo the scene as bodies fly, cars flip and people everywhere generally shit themselves.

V FOR VENDETTA (2005) Comic fanboys may not have embraced this film as heartily as the producers would have liked, but few people could disagree that the movie's explosive finale was impressive.

What better way is there to stick it to the man than explode the Houses of Parliament to the tune of the 1812 Overture? Frankly, this was the money shot of the movie; explosions rip through the side of the building and up Big Ben, with a pleasing 'doooonggg' sound as the clock faces spit out a big fuck-off fireball. Brilliant.

Words - Andrew Swidenbank Images - Benjamin Phillips

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