Quench - Issue 63

THE THE BODY BODY AS ART AS ART

JACK BLACK / BLACK KIDS

contents : Issue 63 - 18 February 2008 WRITTEN ON THE BODY

p.09

Do you tattoo?

One student explains to Chris Rogers why his body is a blank canvas.

JACK BLACK

“I also put

cocopuffs

in my butt”

VOYEUR - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.04 DEBATE - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.06 SOFIE - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.07 FASHION - - - - - - - - - - - p.16 TRAVEL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.18 INTERVIEWS - - - - - - - - - p.22 GAY - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.26 GOING OUT - - - - - - - - p.27

p.53

Who else but Jack Black?

Interview by Sim Eckstein

FOOD - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.28 FINAL WHISTLE - - - - - - p.31 BLIND DATE - - - - - - - - - - p.32 ARTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.34 BOOKS - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.36 CULT CLASSICS- - - - - - - p.39 MUSIC - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.41 FILM - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - p.49

COVER: Ben Bryant PHOTO: Natalia Popova Editor Ben Bryant Executive Editor Amy Harrison Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Amy Grier, Tasha Prest-Smith Blind Date Hazel Plush Books Tom Williams Cult Classics Gareth Mogg Debate Aisling Tempany Digital Dom MukwambaSendall Fashion Jo Butler, Mary Parkes Features Gillian Couch, Chris Rogers, Jim Whiteley Film Sim Eckstein, Will Hitchins Food Kath Petty, Daniel Smith Gay Andy Tweddle Going Out Lucy Rowe, Amelia Thomas Interviews Michael Bateson-Hill, Lucinda Day, Annika Henderson Music Kyle Ellison, Francesca Jarvis, Si Truss Travel Jim Finucane, Kirsty Page Photography Sophie Pycroft, Ed Salter Sub Editor Graeme Porteous Proof Readers Laurel Burn, Rachel Green, Elaine Morgan, Aisling Tempany

voyeur

T

{Voyeur

} ....

PHOTO: AMY HARRISON

he art of being idle is a valuable asset that the world has all but forgotten. Society is always slagging off students for their supposed laziness and inactivity, trying to impose its nasty little work ethic on the otherwise happy, friendly student masses. A little work is fine, of course, but why does everyone trash idling?

Idling is actually one of the most rewarding activities I believe society can engage in. It makes me feel magnificent. I’m not entirely sure why. My idling usually takes the form of repetitive, mindless tasks - the kind of activity that would be soul destroying if it was actually a job that I had to do for eight hours a day. But perhaps that’s the point.

Doing nothing, and revelling in doing nothing, is probably the most convincing expression of freedom I can think of. The whole point of idling is that there’s an infinite amount of other stuff you could be doing - stuff that would be more fun, more useful, or more practical. But here you are, as you were two hours ago, lying on your back pondering how dolphins reproduce.

Among my personal favourite idle activities, I count reading takeaway leaflets, making new noises with my mouth and trying to roll my eyes in a perfect circle. If you have a friend to idle with, playing thumb wars is a deliciously pointless waste of time.

As students, I feel we have a duty to protect idling as the last cornerstone of student culture. We should be proud in the knowledge that we are the only section of society that can wallow in our underwear discussing the sociological repercussions of the Jeremy Kyle Show.

In a world where activism fails, where alcohol placates the student masses, and where everybody works far too hard, idling is the last fuckyou to society we can express. The most revolutionary thing we can do today is nothing.

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IN

OUT

Gandalf

Rowan Williams is God! I don’t know exactly why he reminds everyone of Gandalf or Dumbledore, but he does. He has some very reassuring eyebrows.

Generally, his feeler-like facial hair reminds me of a lovely father figure - the sort who nuzzles kittens and handshakes with both hands. What a guy!

Archbishop Rowan Williams

e - shoppe r Hilary Clinton Nutcracker “INCLUDES FREE PACK OF WALNUTS” £13.82 www.hilarynutcracker.com

ART

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.....

S T Y L E With Amber Duval - dispenser of puerile neologisms Hello girls, boys and in-betweeners! Amber Duval here. Having spent most of last week rutting with a variety of attractive sportsmen, sex has been on my mind somewhat more than usual. In fact, even as I squatted in a Yurt round the back of Milgi to hob-nob with its affluent clientele and, it has to be said, its usual selection of customers with utterly atrocious haircuts, it occurred to me that it was about time that I checked the attractiveness of my sex face. It only took one Jack Wills type to confirm what I already knew, of course (I look fabulous), but that’s more than can be said for this week’s selection of bizarre, gurning teabaggers! Toodles!

voyeur

This week: Amber sees some sex faces

Whenever my dear departed Ernie (god bless his millions) used to don his hanky-panky visage, he usually looked like he was having a coronary... and then one day he did, the silly

old flange chops! Still, this chap looks like a little girl when he spills his cockporridge. I much prefer my gentlemen to get a bit animalistic at orgasm. A flash of the canines, or a flaring of the

nostrils - that sort of thing. As for this filth-peddler, I can offer very little advice since it is clear to me that she is suffering some sort of fit. Naughty little scamp!

IS THIS YOU?

If so, you’ve won at least 10 CD singles from our singles drawer, along with some other bits and bobs.

How super!

Pop up to the gair rhydd office on the 4th floor to collect.

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debate

Broadsheets

N

ever mind junk-food news, misogyny, ignorance, eightyear-old reading ages and Rupert Murdoch, I will try to make this argument a positive one. In a world where I am addressed in an increasingly reductive manner (either as ‘consumer’, ‘student alcoholic’ or ‘consumer with penis’) it is a relief to be able to spend at least half an hour of my day reading more than headlines, slogans or staring bright-eyed at shiny, photoshopped pictures.

This not about intellectual snobbery. The bizzare kudos obtained from wandering through the Union with an Independent or Guardian is not something I condone. Instead I support the idea that education should be at the heart of the news.

Whatever your interests, be they celebrities, knife-crime or immigration, you deserve to be fully-informed. If the viewpoint comes from the left or right, it should be justified and thoroughly argued.

Aside from issues of style, there is a debate surrounding what one considers to be news. Headlines that equate to ‘woman who died ten years ago is still dead but may have died in a slightly different manner than was first assumed’ (Diana, keep counting those column inches in your coffin) are not newsworthy.

‘Parents with ridiculously casual attitudes to child security still haven’t found their child after six months’ is not a story that is important to anyone. Regardless of which paper you choose (and I recommend you vary your choice), at least with broadsheet newspapers there is a breadth of content available, at least you can skip over the stories about paedophiles and polish people (they are people, not just immigrants) should you so desire.

I’m not trying to dictate; you should read what you like. But when it comes to broadsheets, you choose as a person: not a terrorist, consumer with a cock or potential page 3 girl.

Steven Kenward

VS

Tabloids E

“

Just because the tabloid story is FICTITIOUS doesn’t mean we shouldn’t CARE...

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”

ven the most highbrow, literary snob among us, who reads modernist anthropology and ancient translations for fun, and enjoys her lectures (yes alright, it’s me) finds their self every so often unable to resist the urge of those glaring tabloid headlines. The melodrama, the fear, the excitement.

The broadsheets will tell you news but the trashy red tops give you it with added nonsense.

Who can RESIST the way that the News of the World INSISTS on adding words in bold BLOCK CAPITALS to emphasise the really SHOCKING parts of the LATEST celebrity scandal. Just because it’s FICTITIOUS doesn’t mean we shouldn’t CARE. And it’s not always fictional. Why there’s always a good ‘source,’ or ‘friend’ behind every story.

Tabloids are also significantly cheaper and any former paper boy/ girl will tell you that it’s a damn sight easier to deliver The Sun to every door on your estate than the bloody Financial Times. (Although the Financial Times does have the most rocking colour of a paper.)

How would we be able to feel good about our intellectual lives if we didn’t see some cheap reality TV star on page four exposing their sordid lives and their breasts for all to see. Even at a low point, we can turn to a tabloid and regain our sense of dignity and worth.

Aisling Tempany

n o s n i k n Sofie Je

sofie

One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!

P

icture the scene: you’re in a pub (or somewhere more dark and sticky), a young gentleman is eying up a neighbouring female and eventually they get to talking.

After a while she goes to the bar, upon which she meets another eligible gentleman and they too start talking. At this point the scene splits, the decision between boy A and boy B means that two situations are created, which is what I understand to be true from the limited knowledge of quantum physics that I possess. For the human being, as complex and fragile as we usually are, this throws up all manner of problems and emotions.

The girl in our story has to choose between two suitable males without much background information to go on. The males have to contend with their ‘masculine territory’ bullshit and the modern day world of love, which as we all know, can be a right bastard. On an extreme level, the decision could mean a different path to two very different lives, although the ending may end up the same.

Now… if the characters in our story were animals this would all be a different story. In love and sex and therefore life, it all comes down to survival of the fittest, which we all learnt at school of course (cheers Darwin). So basically, they’d just wiggle about a bit with some fancy feathers or something and then fight each other.

As David Attenborough was educating me through the medium of the telebox the other night, I

learnt that some tortoises battle with each other over lady tortoises with a weird sticky-outy bit under their neck until one of them has been tipped upside down to bake in the afternoon sun. Woah. Now, is it me or does this seems like it might be the deadly tortoise version of thumb war?

How different life would be if the difficult decisions in love and lust were decided by a round of thumb wars, best out of three of course. Obviously this takes away all free will and emotive choice but it’s worth thinking about. When life comes down to a split decision I think most people will admit that tossing a coin often seemed like the most sensible option available.

If quantum physics is right about decision-making being integral

to the way that life pans out then Thumb War Life Choices ( or TWLC as it shall now be known) would probably make it all the more linear and minimise the amount of regret and blame involved. Following hearts rather than thumbs, however, as us humans tend to do, might get us into sticky situations but it’s all usually worth it in the end and sometimes the journey can be pretty fun. And there’s always a chance that things will work out the same whatever deviations the route takes.

Oh, but how different the face of Cardiff on a Saturday would be, completely transformed from a street lined with brawling groups of men tussling over the nearest welsh beauty to lines of people shouting “1…2…3…4…I declare a thumb war!

WRESTLE!”

Is it me or does this seem like a tor toise version of thumb war?

sofie@gairrhydd.com /

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The body as art

features

Is your body a temple... or a canvas? Chris Rogers talks to one Cardiff student about his life and why it has inspired him to decorate his body with tattoos.

features@gairrhydd.com /

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features

QUENCH: How old were you when you got your fist tattoo?

JAMES RENDALL:

18, I wanted to get tattooed when I was 16, but, funnily enough, my dad wasn’t happy about the idea despite being only 16 when he got his first one done. A ‘do as I say and not as I do’ scenario, I guess.

So, yeah, I had to wait until I was 18 to get my first tattoo, which is the microphone I have on the inside of my right upper arm.

Which tattoo are you most proud of?

I’m proud of them all really for different reasons. The one on my ankle was done by one of my mates, it was his first tattoo, so I’m kinda proud that I posses his first one. The half sleeve I have on my left arm took the most time to do, twelve hours in total, so it felt like such an accomplishment by the time it was finished.

What inspires you to get them done?

First of all, my Dad. Also sub-culture and music. And just having a look around really, in magazines, and at other people’s tattoos until it built up in my mind that I really wanted to get one done myself.

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Do they all have significant meanings to you?

They all have meanings, yeah. The microphone represents the music I grew up on. The rest are a bit more ambiguous. The diamonds on my chest, for example, represent the importance of knowing your own worth and that of the people around you. The atom represents the smaller things in life, which are just as important. The space theme on my left arm embodies the idea of hope and aspiration. The one on the inside of my lower lip that reads TRASH is just a bit of fun really. I got it done for free, so thought fuck it, why not.

features

What’s the strangest or most offensive comment that has been made about your tattoos?

Someone once told me that I have ruined my life. That was pretty funny. Other than that, my Great Gran said to me, just after I had my first one done, that it looked ‘thuggish’.

She said this just before a visit to the theatre actually… She couldn’t understand why I didn’t just get my girlfriend’s name tattooed on me instead.

It’s not so much what people say, though, it’s more the looks I get.

Do you see them as a form of expression?

They definitely are, yeah. I consider them a part of who I am. I’ve always tried to choose quite original and bold

designs, which I think makes them quite individual to me. If something happens in my life that is significant, then I like to choose a tattoo that represents that in some way.

What’s next?

As it happens, I have the rest of my sleeve and hands already designed. I think the problem is, however, that people, especially kids, rush into getting them done. You see a lot of 18-year olds with their whole bodies completely covered. They don’t seem to realise that you have the whole of your life to get tattooed. It’s something that shouldn’t be rushed. I personally haven’t gone past my elbows yet, purely because of the trouble it might cause with trying to get a job.

However, as I said, I do have more designs ready and waiting, so it’s up to me to decide when I’m ready. features@gairrhydd.com /

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features

Material girl?

Gillian Couch ponders the way people embellish and modify their appearance, and just what it might say about that person, herself included.

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excessively vain, but I beg to differ; make-up gives me a sense of completeness that without leaves me feeling vulnerable and confidencefree. Similarly, I never ever have unpainted toe nails, even if I know my feet aren’t going to be sock-less for the whole winter, you can bet they’ll be nice and shiny.

Having discussed this with my girlfriends, I realise I am not alone in the feeling of certain nakedness should we have to expose ourselves without this armour, but I do wonder whether this casts negative asper-

“

I am a person who has dabbled in each of these adjustments on numerous occassions

“

A

friend once told me off on a night out for wearing a ring on my ‘wedding ring finger’.

He informed me that whenever a girl caught his eye, this finger was the first thing he made sure was bare. The significance of any bands that may adorn that finger is almost like a traffic light; if it’s there, stop, if it’s not, full steam ahead.

This little piece of jewellery is a big indication for part of a person’s personality and leads me to wonder what other visual statements people consciously/unconsciously make about themselves. The choice to wear a wedding ring is one of only two examples I can find of statements that fit people into definitive categories. The second example is religious signifiers. Wearing a cross or crucifix style piece of jewellery suggests to onlookers that said person is probably Christian, the star of David and they’re probably of Jewish faith, just as much as someone wearing a wedding ring is pretty likely to be married.

However, there are many other aesthetic modifications/additions people make about themselves, which often suggest something about their personality. These include piercings, tattoos, dyed hair, jewellery and cosmetics amongst others. I am a person who has dabbled in each of these adjustments on numerous occasions.

Although I have clearly made a conscious choice, I have done so not because I want people to think of me in a certain way, but because they contribute little bits that make up ‘me’.

I feel no shame in admitting that I won’t leave my house without having applied eyeliner and mascara at the very least, unless I am going to the gym. I realise this may seem

sions over my fellow warriors and I. Perhaps I am insecure and these things act as my defence against the world, or perhaps I just like having painted nails and wearing makeup. For fearing of sounding like a ‘girly-girl’ (which has some rather bad press I feel) I think it may just be the latter of these two possibilities. But in the wise words of Lulu (Human Traffic) “I’m an independent girl who wears lipstick because she wants to, not because men find it more attractive.” Although I suppose it can’t hurt, can it?

Straight up...

features

To Claire Davey, straighteners are her first, her last, her everything... so unless you’ve got a spare £90 kicking around, don’t tread on them.

“

straighten it but it’s the fact that I feel I have to that is so annoying.

I look back at photos of my 15-year-old self, pre-straighteners, and wince; granted, the braces and spots didn’t help, but it’s my hair that I get drawn to and can’t believe I was ever seen in public looking like that.

My friends are constantly telling me that my natural hair is fine, but I just can’t stand it. It’s not like I care overly about my appearance in other respects; I often go out without make-up on, or in trackies and trainers, but my hair is always and without fail, straight. Even wearing it tied back or curled is not accept-

able and I get jealous of how other girls can effortlessly pull those styles off, while I feel I look horrible with even the slightest wave.

Disaster struck once last year when one friend stepped on my straighteners and snapped them.

It shows how much she knew they meant to be that when she told me what had happened, she immediately gave me her credit card and told me to buy myself a new pair.

Straight hair is part of who I am and my friends accept that. I can’t wait for the day I get over it though – mornings will be so much less hassle!

“

M

y hair straighteners are an extension of my arm and to take them off me would be like amputating part of my body. It seemed natural for me to take my GHDs travelling with me last year and finding plug sockets in every hostel became the top priority. My hair is fairly straight naturally, but it does have a natural kink to it, and I hate this. If I leave my hair to dry naturally I feel really self conscious even just around the house and the furthest I will venture will be the corner shop for a pint of milk. I simply do not feel attractive with un-straightened hair. It only takes a few minutes to

My hair straighteners are an extension of my arm... to take them off would be like amputating a part of my body

features@gairrhydd.com /

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features

Under the influence I

n the weight-obsessed, rehabtrotting world of celebrities it’s great to finally come across a sane, beautiful woman. She’ll be forever known for her seductive spoon licking and baguette stroking, but Nigella Lawson is so much more than a cheeky blow up domestic goddess.

Nigella, named rather

androgynously after her politician father Nigel, is an undisputed beacon of feminine glamour. Those endless curves and ridiculously pert breasts have kept many a man salivating, but she manages to maintain an admirable approach to her weight.

‘Compared to today’s standards’ she says, ‘I sup-

pose people think of me as a caricature of a woman in that I’m sort of bosomy and bottomy.’ When asked for her reflections on being a sex symbol, she says simply ‘I think it’s that men don’t just want to look at thin girls.’

With her fantastically popular television shows and cookery books it seems there’s more than a grain of truth in that statement, but Nigella hasn’t always been working in the kitchen. She began her career as a successful journalist, broadcaster and columnist, and now balances her hectic work life with a large family.

Despite being a culinary goddess Nigella admits she isn’t ashamed of enjoying a ‘plastic cheese and ham’ toasty, and her family fridge bravely flaunts a pizza delivery menu.

Amongst the beaver flashing, drug addicted women who wear celebrity status like a rehab wrist pass, Nigella is a true role model: beautiful, British and bloody fabulous!

Hazel Plush

Nigella 14 / features@gairrhydd.com

IMAGE: ROSEANNA EASTOE

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00

fashion

Lessons in

Anna Greenslade presents her top five undergarments for the ladies...

Hold-Ups

Not only do these beauties cover the blotches and blemishes of the woman’s leg, they offer a solution to the endless annoyance that is the sagging crotch of tights and, coincidentally, are a favourite with the other sex.

lin

The All-In-One

Girl’s best friend. Targeting all problem areas, the all-in-one sucks in the bad bits (tum, bum and thighs) and gives every woman a shapelier figure. The very best can help a girl drop a whole dress size.

Socks

Despite seeming incredibly unsexy (why do men keep them on when it’s their main priority to get everything else off?), socks are owned and worn by all. In fact, this season socks are gracing the streets in all shapes and sizes, from ankle socks with heels to long woolly socks with boots. The charm of the sock is finally being recognised.

Bra

A staple for any girl, the bra comes a close second in the underwear polls. It lifts, supports and shapes, whilst also creating an insatiable allure, especially when matched with the bottoms! When a bra is right for you, you never want to let it go!

Knickers 16 / fashion@gairrhydd.com

Fighting with the bra for the top spot, knickers nip into first place. The ultimate item of clothing: from comfy granny pants on your days off to the sexiest lingerie when in need of a lasting impression. The variety of styles, fabrics and colours is enough to make any girl (or boy!) go crazy. A good pair of knickers is not only incredibly practical, but also insanely gorgeous!

ngerie

fashion

“WE’RE HARDLY GONNA LET YOU GIRLS HAVE ALL THE FUN!” James Moore offers an underwear guide for the gents

G

uys sure have come a long way from the primitive loin cloth. Considering that our pants are probably the smallest item of clothing that we put on from day to day, when it comes to bringing sexy back, the modern man has got to be bedecked in the best designer briefs if he’s got any chance of getting some good old-fashioned x-rated action.

Ever since designers have been marketing by erecting giant billboards of muscle bound male models in pristine, bulge-filled boxer briefs, undergarments have gone from being unmentionables to fundamentals for the guys of the 20th century. From posing pouches to man thongs, sexy slinky speedos to tighty whities, a gents’ undergarments are there for both function and to help him get some filthy

friction-filled fun! Leaving long-johns back in the decades that fashion forgot, underwear has no longer just got to keep those important parts under wraps, but now also has to make a man look and feel completely fuckable!

The staple in most men’s underwear drawer are his Calvin Kleins.

Whether its briefs or boxers, the American designer has struck gold in underwear sales for men, proving the most popular and sexiest brand

But let’s not forget that guys can be just as inventive as the girls when it comes to the ancient art of the kinky dress up. Ann Summers has introduced a male line of erotic clothing, proving that perverse policeman and dirty doctor’s costumes are setting just as many bed posts banging as the nurses and “Miss Massage” outfits. Well, we’re hardly gonna let you girls have all the fun!

fashion@gairrhydd.com /

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travel

The Right Passage to India...

Travelling India can be difficult and unnerving; expectations are challenged and even the well - seasoned traveller can get thrown. Sophy Searight reveals the ups and downs of this fabulous country, how to travel India and more importantly, how to enjoy it

D

uring my 3 wondrous years at Cardiff I’ve been involved in untold numbers of conversations about India. What I still find surprising is the percentage of people who had a rubbish time there.

Often these moaners are not travel virgins who’ve never left Surrey and are appalled at India’s lack of Starbucks. They are frequently people who have really enjoyed travelling in demanding environments, often South America or South East Asia. I couldn’t understand what they meant about it being a shock to the system until I did the South East Asia circuit for myself. Travelling on the backpacker trail round Vietnam, Laos, Thailand etc is an entirely different kettle of fish from India and I think this is what throws people.

Apart from the ‘Golden Triangle’ (Delhi, Jaipur, and Agra to see the Taj) there isn’t really an accepted route to take around India. This and its massive size means that there isn’t a backpacker community to the same extent as the one you get when you arrive in SE Asian Countries. If you land in Delhi

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expecting (as people do) to find the Khao San Road you are going to be disappointed. India is a brilliant place to travel but as a rule there are no Irish bars. Devastating news I know. (If you do find yourself in Dehli feeling the need for some student backpacker solidarity, head for the Pahar Ganj area, and in Kolkatta aim for Sudha Street)

In South East Asia you seem to constantly bump into people you went to school with/do your course/knows you granny/are long lost relations. While you will probably meet some great people in India, the fact to embrace is that the friends you make are likely to be Indian rather than European.

Urban India

travel Another thing to bear in mind is that it’s 2008 in India as well. Many have made the mistake of expecting the country to be in some kind of time warp. They are genuinely disappointed when it transpires that it’s a developing nation in the grip of industrial and technological revolution. India’s four main cities, Delhi, Kolkatta, Mumbai and Chennai are absolute madness. All are good fun with beautiful bits and ugly bits just like anywhere else. It’s a barmy combo of lorries, high-rise

buildings, holy cows and accompanying shit, business-men and miles of slums and their inhabitants. They’re all fascinating places to be but only if you’re at least vaguely prepared for the fact

loved it when they went there. The thing is to make sure your expectations are based on a bit of research.

Eg if you’re really keen on warm sunny loveliness don’t go between June and November because it will probably be pissing it down. Sounds obvious but it’s an easy mistake to make. Personally I think the wet season is fine for travelling, it means that places like the golden temple (Amritsar) and the Taj and much quieter and hotels and shops are cheaper.

cting India to Many make the mistake of expe be in some kind of time warp that India is not some kind of extended yoga sanctuary – its population is one billion.

India is a fantastic place and loads of people I know absolutely

Sophy’s Top Places...

Kerala – Especially Alleppey where you can hire a gorgeous boat for a few days and float around the wetlands. Great place to wind down if you’re a bit frazzled.

The North East of India – This is my favourite place; the mountains are cool all year round so if you’ve arrived in Agra and realised 45’C is a bit much, head north! (train goes straight there from Kolkatta) The scenery around Darjeeling is stunning and it’s worth getting up early to watch the sun come up over Everest and Kanchenjunga. Jolly scenic and all that. Also brill for jewellery, lots of Nepali and Tibetan silver. In my valued opinion don’t bother going on the little steam train that goes from Kurshong to Darjeeling. It smells of wee.

Varanasi

And One’s To Miss?...

Jaipur – I had good fun here but it depends entirely on Jaisalmer – From far away, the old city whether or not you get a looks like a huge sand-castle and up legendary rickshaw driver. Very close it’s even cooler. An overnight touristy in high season so lots camel trek through the desert is fun of people practiced in the art but camels are a bit uncomfy. of separating you from your money.

Kashmir – I’ve been told this is the most beautiful place on earth. Try to Agra – Taj Mahal is worth the avoid getting shot, I think there still hype but the rest of the city is some fighting going on up there. I grotty. Don’t make the mistake, have friends who’ve been there and as I did, of planning a long stay come back in one piece so I reckon here. its fine.

Delhi – Controversial, some Varanasi – The holiest city in the people love it. If you do want to world for Hindus and really beautiful. spend time here, try and do it Stay in the old town. It means carrying your bag for miles because the streets are too narrow for rickshaws but waking up by the Ganges, right in the heart of such an ancient city is worth a bit of a mission.

on your way out of the country rather than when you arrive.

That way you’ll be used to the way India works. It’s the first port of call for the huge majority of rich clueless (American) visitors and the number of people out to scam you reflects that.

travel@gairrhydd.com /

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travel

travel stereotypes: the

born-again

buddhist

Re-incarnate individuals wherever you go? In a new regular feature, travel takes a light-hearted look at the travel stereotypes that trot the globe, from the ‘socks and sandals yank’ to the ‘pink suitcase-lumbering Essex girl’. This week we begin with the ‘Born-again Buddhist’ – the Dalai Lama’s new foot soldier

G

azing out the window from the rickety train carriage Karen considers what she’d be doing right now if she hadn’t quit her job and ducked out of the rat race six months ago.

How grateful she is for stumbling across that ‘Beginner’s Guide To Achieving Inner Peace’ in the toilets of the ‘ethical coffee shop’ she reluctantly ventured into a while back, when the Starbucks was being renovated. The benefits aren’t exclusively spiritual either; these Thai pants may look silly, but they’re as comfortable and airy as wearing a bed sheet.

She grimaces at the thought of what she once was – the meetings, the copious amounts of inorganic coffee, the perfectly linear hair to match her perfectly linear pinstripe suit.

Her friend ‘Storm’, from the meditation classes, said that lines are symbolic of our inhibitive Western society and the repression of free thought by our fascism-peddling gov-

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ernments – Karen sticks largely to tie-dye now.

Of course, the signs of her past are still there. Most noticeably the iPod nano clutched to her stomach (how could she survive without all four CDs of the Lama Karta–Tibetan Chants series though?). We see flashes of her Blackberry phone every few hours or so too…well, she has to check her tenants are paying their rent on time, and the sudoku does help pass the time away.

Needless to say, it’s all about getting to Angkor Wat at the moment, then the dream will have been realised. After that, who knows?

That’s what it’s all about!

Just then, yet another intrigued Chinaman sidles up to her, but Karen’s not interested. They all just remind her of that Asian chap from Purchasing, the one who never returned her calls after that wild New Year’s Eve party they had at the office a few years back…

Illustration by Alice Bedford

interviews

The boy looked at Johnny!

Michael Bateson-Hill and Matthew Hitt speak to the Über talented singer, songwriter, painter and actor Johnny Flynn about how he manages to make such amazing genre-defying ditties about leftovers.

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T

he dangers of being a singersongwriter in a world post James Blunt are hard enough as it is, but even beyond that, setting yourself apart from people that actually have talent is not an easy task. Yet with songs to save your life and the charm of an awkward 14 year old, Johnny Flynn and his band The Sussex Wit are gonna have a good go.

This is your first headline tour.

How’s it going so far?

Good, yeah we’re kind of naive enough and young enough to go out every night and destroy ourselves.

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But in a good way, it’s fun. We’re kind of embracing the experiences we’re having. There’s been quite a few stories to tell of things that have happened so it’s kind of cool.

What size venues are you playing compared to what you’re used to, bigger or smaller?

rather than just their own personal situation.

Do you write your songs aiming for truisms then? Like the little windows.

Yeah probably, but I just feel lucky when they happen.

Well actually I guess doing your first headline tour is a bit like… what’s the word, a bigger fish in a smaller pond as opposed to a smaller fish in a big pond which would have been back when we were supporting bigger bands, so its nice cos we get to do intimate venues and they’re still our crowd and our show. But not exclusively cos we’ve had amazing local supports everywhere, with friends of ours in different bands supporting us doing 3 shows each. So tonight we’ve got Mechanical Bride who we’ve known for a few years. So it’s nice to be able to do that

How often do they happen?

When do you start writing ‘Johnny Flynn’ songs, even though that is your name?

“

So they didn’t start off with the band in mind, it was more of a bedroom thing then?

Yeah yeah so up until now it has been very bedroomy, just mucking around. I never thought they’d be heard outside of my bedroom.

Some of the songs lyrically, like leftovers seem to come from the perspective of a character as opposed to being introverted. Is the acting thing an influence to write character songs?

Yeah definitely, I’m really interested in metaphorical situations and stories that would be a bit about me but also a bit about everyone, like a part of your personality. Cos finding what’s really true about something really specific I think is good. That little window lets you into believing or trust into what somebody’s saying

So you’re not writing much at the moment.

No, or maybe I can’t be bothered (laughs). No I’m beginning to pick up again its just that we finished the album and I really wanted to focus on the songs. You know cos some of them had been around for ages.

It’s nice ‘cos we get to do intimate venues and they’re still our crowd and our show

“

I dunno, maybe that would be now really. Because it’s relatively recently in terms of the period of time the songs that we’re doing now have had a full band and everything. So the songs that I write now I might be thinking oh that would be good with a bit of cello.

Not that often, but I often carry around a notebook. But at the moment I’m just enjoying being with everyone in the van and just going out and taking in what’s already happened.

What was the aim for the album sound?

Like the songs and the stories carry in their own right but it was about capturing sounds that would really help that along and so it’s really subtle some of the stuff sonically. Things sound roomy when they should be and things sound close and intense when they should be.

And they were really considerate with us and with Ryan the producer. And lots of the stuff I like to reference are quite old records and things like that and he had all the equipment they would have used in the 40s and 50s and we mixed on to tape and we used an old megaphone and old radios and stuff.

Like daft ideas we spent half a day looking for the right drum sound, tweaking nobs and stuff-then we just found this urn that we hit and put it through the reverb.

Do you see the barrier between recording and playing live as polar opposites or do they bleed into one eventually. Bands like My Bloody Valentine hold that attitude that recording is the most important thing and you’ll never be able to capture that live?

I sort of feel quite like that. I don’t agree that you can do as much live as you can recording, but I think you can do really different things obviously, with recording and you’re not so limited. Having said that we tried to get the core of a lot of the songs from playing live altogether.

We had all these isolation booths so we can do that. But then it’s really fun just to mess around with sounds and little things.

Was that a new thing? Did you record most of the stuff on Myspace yourself?

Some myself and some within studios. Yeah with one shit mic and a computer, but I believe there’s no right and wrong way of doing it. It’s quite fun to be in a big studio you know just mucking about saying yeah let’s use these speakers today and record it through this old tape machine, that’s quite fun.

Are you gonna be doing the artwork for it yourself?

Yeah kind of. I’m doing it all then I’m asking people to bring a piece of art to the shows if they want. Not many people have done that but there’s a few that are really good so there’s at least gonna be something in there, which is really nice Most of the press stuff I’ve read had the sentences “enviably talented” and “genius”. Is there anything you’re shit at you wish you were good at?

Yeah it would be embarrassing if I couldn’t think of something immediately; I’m good at everything, no I’m not very good at saying no. Maybe that’s not a terrible thing to be not good at. I’m not that good at stage banter really. I wish I were better at wiring things. I’m not that good at producing things I’m surrounded by people who can do that.

Johnny Flynn’s album is out May 19th

interviews@gairrhydd.com /

23

interviews

CRY ME A RIVER

With famous fans including Lou Reed and Daniel Johnston, Okkervil River’s front man Will Sheff ruminates on the trials and tribulations of indie fandom and chats to Quench’s Michael Bateson about everything from T.S Eliot to Lou Reed, to Danny Bonnaducci and their latest release The Stage Names

“I

t’s one of the things the record does, you know, it looks at what it means to be a fan and where fandom comes from.” This an apt comment from the Okkervil River front man Will Sheff who, throughout the interview, constantly name-drops book/ films he has either seen or read in order to explain the bands’ latest release, ‘The Stage Names’, an album which refers to everything from John Berryman to Danny Bonaducci.

It’s obvious that self-confessed fan boy and lead singer of accoustic rock band Okkervil River Will Sheff soaks up the things around him like a sponge. “ I read T.S Eliot’s ‘The Wasteland’ when I was young and loved the idea you could have both ‘high-brow’ and ‘low brow’ references all in the same piece of work.” Indeed, the album layers reference upon refer-

ence to create a wealth of links to various other art forms as well as pre-existing pop songs. Those familiar with the album may note the clever pastiche of The Beach Boys ‘Sloop John B.’ “I’ve also really taken with the idea of art living in its own world of references. Some of the things are things that might only be meaningful to me… but…

I also wanted to put in things that were culturally relevant. Like ‘Black Sheep Boy’ existed in its own little world. I wanted ‘The Stage Names’ to exist in like a cultural sort of world, you know in a wider sense.”

Yet critics being as they will, at the mention of T.S Elliot and the likes, are often quick to brand Okkervil River ‘Lit Rock’ and, when I ask Sheff whether such trite labeling bothers him, he replies, “Yeah it bothers me, but if I spent the whole time worrying, I’ll just waste all my time. I know artists who are

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happy to be branded ‘literary rock’ but I don’t see myself as doing something similar to that.” My brain pulses wondering whether Sheff has anyone specific in mind, but I think better of it favouring the smile and nod approach instead.

“You know there’s a song about the writer John Berryman, but there’s also a reference to ‘Breaking Bonaducci.’ “For those like me who weren’t sure what this was, I was told it was a reality TV show about Danny Bonaducci from the Partridge family. “That’s not very high brow,” Sheff says playfully. “You don’t even have to know anything to enjoy the album on a musical level. I really don’t like that thing where people think ‘Oh I’m so literary… I’m so above this and that… I’m a real artist. I don’t like that pretension.”

So sensing Sheff’s growing disdain for pigeon holing critics and

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“

oh I’m so literary... I’m so above this and that...

I’m a real artist. I don’t like that pretension

“

becoming increasingly aware that I am an interviewer I move away from the topic althogether.

Indeed, it’s clear Sheff, although not vicious about other bands, does have problems with the way certain bands and musicians operate. “I think there’s a tendency for all kinds of artists, period, to do something that works again and again and again.” I ask why Sheff thinks this is. He pauses flicking the long maine of hair out of his face.

“Maybe because they’re lazy, maybe because they don’t have anything they wanna do. But my favourite artists are the ones who went into different areas and tried different things, you know a constant ebbing and flowing.” Indeed, in a world where musicians constantly churn out second rate reprats of debut albums in an attempt to taste record bosses’ cheque books, it’s nice to hear a musician talk like this once in a while.

Conversation moves on to the state of the music business, one that Sheff sees as thwarted. With the music industry in a period of increasing flux, I ask Sheff whether there is a dichotomy between making money and making music readily available to fans. “Oh yeah. And you know, it’s a myth that downloading only affects the record companies you know, it’s definitely affects the artists as well.” This is a fair state-

ment especially considering money has, and still is, tight in the Okkervil River camp.

Okkervil River is like many bands who have had to trawl around America in transit van. So I ask Will Sheff whether the presence of money in the band has allowed them to do things like put their latest release ‘ The Stage Names’ on Myspace. “I think that’s got to do with the idea.

If people can get something for free, will they still pay for it? Because some bands put whole albums out for free, like Radiohead, they can make 4 million plus in the first week for themselves and they can get a lot of PR out of it. But musicians nobody has ever heard have been doing that for, like, ages.”

Yet, rather than end the interview on the gloomy subject of the state of the “meat machine” music industry, I ask Sheff what it was like working with Daniel Johnston and self confessed fan Lou Reed. “Oh man, Lou Reed. He’s like one of my favourite artists of all time, it’s like getting reassurance from, like, a god father. And Daniel as well I think is amazing. It’s just very humbling to have worked with them. And understandably so. And with the adulation of his teenage heroes I suggest to Sheff whether events such as these influenced the nature of the album, notably the obsession with fandom.

He replies with the passion of an energetic teenage music fan.

“Oh definitely man, things like that mean the world to me. You know, it’s like meeting the people who made you wanna do this stuff you know.”

Finally, I ask whether meeting such legendary musicians can be a dangerous process, being the danger that you won’t like them as people. “Yeah, you know, in my life I’ve met people who I’m a fan of and not all of them have lived up to what I thought… but I guess over time you come to separate people from their music more and more. Lots of my favourite people are musicians who I don’t necessarily like and then there’s bands whose music I like but I don’t like them.” The sensationalist journalist in me asks if there’s anyone in particular. Yet the quick response of “ nah” is met by awkward laughter from both sides.

Although, when I ask whether Lou Reed and Daniel Johnston dissapointed him on a personal level Sheff responded shyly: “yeah Loud Reed and Daniel, they were two of the good guys.”

Okkervil River’s “The Stage Names” is out to buy now.

interviews@gairrhydd.com /

25

out wherever come out you are... gay

come

manchester uniting

I

’d become rather obsessed with Queer as Folk, and decided the best way to come out to my friends was to arrange a trip to Manchester - spiritual home of the gays and the setting of Stuart, Vince and Nathan’s infamous sexual adventures.

One of our school friends, Richard, was at Manchester Uni, and so four of us set off for a week that Rich promised us would be full of beer and, lucky me, girls.

I’d known I was gay for a while, but was still keeping-up the whole girlfriend pretence, simply so my friends wouldn’t suspect anything.

I’d purposely go out of my way to pull girls that I knew my friends would fancy, just to be one of the lads.

Although I was worried about how my friends would react, I decided it was time for them to know the truth. After we’d been in Manchester a few days, I subtly suggested we go to Canal Street for a night out.

‘Anal Street?’ was the immediate reaction of my friends, but after some sly persuading, they seemed game so off we went for a night of ultimate gaydom.

My friends started asking questions at the first bar. I’d flirted my way through several free drinks, and started kissing this guy right in front of my friends. I think this may have confirmed their suspicions!

The dramatic reaction I’d been expecting, maybe hoping for, never happened. My friends just laughed, called me a big queer, and left me to it. I spent the night moving from bar to bar, guy to guy, with straight male friends in tow.

It felt great to finally be honest with them, and not one of them had a problem with my sexuality.

Tim Mostyn

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sisters are doing it for themselves...

M

y sister insists she was always lesbian. I was always straight, but my taste in men did include lady-boys like David Bowie, Nicky Wire and a Velvet Goldmine era Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. My mother always thought of herself as pretty open-minded about sexuality and stuff but even so, my younger sister was terrified of coming out to her.

We’ve all heard of parents who say they’re laid-back, but then become incredibly conservative when one of their own children decides they’re gay.

My sister decided the best place to tell my mother was in the supermarket. This was always the best place to break any news to our mother; first period, first kiss, broke crockery etc. It stopped her going completely mental. Nobody wants to get arrested for starting a fight in Kwik Save.

So she stood there, at the till, putting the bread into the trolley, and brought up the pressing issue.

‘Mum, I’m a lesbian.’

‘Oh really…’ mother said.

‘You’re not going to mental, are you?’ my sister asked, holding a baguette to her face in defence.

‘No, No,’ mother replied, ‘I just always expected Aisling to be a lesbian.

Not you.’

Cheers for that, mother!

Aisling Tempany

Dumbledore: Out and Proud

COCKTAILS

going out

If you’re out on the pull what better place to find a sophisticated mate than a swanky little cocktail bar?

Koko Gorillaz - in the heart of studentville, Koko’s offers reasonably priced cocktails every day of the week. The menu isn’t the most extensive but the cocktails they make, they make bloody well! The atmosphere can be a little bit stilted at times as this newly opened bar is still finding its feet, but it does offer a quiet place for good drinks. Every Tuesday nights, Salsa classes are run for both beginners and intermediates, so get some cocktails in you to get your hips swaying.

Salisbury Road, Cathays.

Bar Cuba - If you’re looking for a mojito that rivals those in Havanna then look no further than Cardiff’s very own Little Cuba. Cocktails cost £4.80, but they certainly don’t scrimp on the shots. 2-4-1 takes place on week nights (excepting Friday) and after a daquiri or seven, you will certainly be experiencing a Havana daze as you tango around the dancefloor.

The Friary, City Centre.

Milgi - A hive of eclecticity, Milgi is most popular with students when the loan cheques come in. As you take a seat in this Alice in Wonderland-esque establishment you are immediately handed your Drinks Bible. Drinks Bible is undoubtedly the best term

to describe what other places would simply call a menu. With over forty cocktails to choose from - all of which are freshly made - there really is something for everyone’s tastebuds.

Cocktails cost no more that £5 but are well worth it for the incredible flavours. City Road, Roath.

Henry’s Cafe Bar - This place was probably once the most sophisticated cocktail venue in Cardiff, but it seems to be getting a little old and tired in comparison to some of its competitors. It draws in the students with Buy One Get One Free nights and does offer a good selection. The cocktails are quite varied and the atmosphere is relaxed. Royal Chambers, City Centre.

Metros - Admittedly, not the first place to spring to mind when planning a cocktail soriee. The sticky carpets and sweaty aroma lack the sophistication of other bars in town, but these pint glass-cocktails are without a doubt THE best in Cardiff. Not only are the cocktails ridiculously lethal with more than generous portions of alcohol but 2-4-1 offers run most nights of the week too! Make mine a Purple Turtle. Bakers Row, City Centre.

goingout@gairrhydd.com /

27

food

Global grub While the Students’ Union is celebrating Go Global, Kath Petty takes a look at the best international cuisine that Cardiff has to offer.

I

nternational cuisine in Cardiff and South Wales in general is incredibly well represented.

And by international we don’t mean stumbling into ‘It’s pizza time’ after a piss-up, or your local favourite ‘kebaberie’. Representations of international cuisine often become drowned by the pressure to produce cheap, diluted meals that don’t show traditional cuisine in its true light. Examples of this are the numerous Indian restaurants that can be seen all over Cathays, enticing students with cheap deals, not to mention the chains of Italian restaurants which litter St. Mary Street and High Street. With so much to offer in our Capital, Quench food searches out some of the best international restaurants in the city.

“

Casanova, Quay Street (opposite the Millennium Stadium) With the regular Italian restaurant chains just around the corner, Casanova is a hidden gem and breath of fresh air from their disappointing and predictable neighbours. Casanova is the Italian’s favourite Italian in Cardiff, serving up local produce and a seasonally changing menu, giving it extra brownie points. It has also received very good reviews from the national press. You might be surprised while browsing the menu that your usual favourites, ‘ham and pineapple’ pizza and ‘cheesy garlic bread’ don’t feature, as it opts for more traditional risottos, pastas and traditional, yet innovative dishes. The service is friendly and informative. Try the Agnello, salt marsh lamb with chorizo and onion mash.

Casanova, like the restaurants featured, offers a cheaper lunchtime menu, as an alternative to the more expensive á la carte.

Tenkaichi, City Road

They are sure to please and explode in your mouth

“

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Tenkaichi is Cardiff’s answer to the Wagamama noodle bar and restaurant chain based in London, and is a surprising delight in a city which generally lacks this style of cuisine. It serves delicious and authentic sushi, rice and noodle dishes at very reasonable prices, in a traditional setting, with communal wooden benches creating a friendly atmosphere. The portion sizes are huge, giving very good value for money. There are also special student deals at lunch time. Try the Seafood Udon or a Sushi Bento Box, and for dessert, vanilla ice cream with red bean paste, although I could eat the red bean paste just on it’s own.

food

Ba Orient, Mermaid Quay, Cardiff Bay Ba Orient is a fabulous bar and restaurant in the ever-so trendy Cardiff Bay, serving dishes that you are likely to see in any Cantonese restaurant, such as Peking Duck, and rice and noodle dishes, to an exceptionally high standard. What the restaurant is famed for however, and what does set it apart from most Chinese restaurants in Cardiff, is its delectable range of dim sum.

Whether it be steamed, baked, fried or in sweet form, they are sure to please and explode in your mouths. The steamed Har Gau prawn dumplings and baked honey roasted pork puffs are particularly delicious. The bar also serves a large range of unusual and oriental inspired cocktails and a selection of refreshing teas. The decor is as tasty as the food, with rich golds and elegant purples covering the room. While a little expensive, Ba Orient is well worth it, and does offer a cheaper lunchtime menu.

Topoli, City Road What Topoli offers is something different from the masses of the regular restaurants, serving authentic Persian cuisine.

Many people opt out of this style of cuisine, going for more of what they’re used to, but Topoli offers good, hearty and simple dishes which are bound to please, enriched with plenty of spices and herbs. They serve dishes which many of you may recognize: hummus, kebabs and koftas as well as marinated meats served with saffron rice and lentils. The restaurant also has a good range of vegetarian meals, and is reasonably priced.

Spice Merchant, locations at Cardiff Bay and Park Place The Indian is everyone’s favourite take-away meal, perfect for a night out with the lads, a family get together or a birthday meal with the girls. But walking down City Road and Cathays you will find a plethora of Indian restaurants, some of them good, some of them, not so good. Where to choose? I would venture out of the student stronghold and head for Spice Merchant. What makes it so different from the rest? Well for a start, there’s a stately, old gentleman traditionally dressed in burgundy with a matching turban, who wanders aimlessly around Cardiff Bay, and occassionally Park Place, promoting the restaurant, but without speaking. and welcoming you in. A first in Indian dining here I think. The food is produced from native Indian and Bangledeshi chefs, who use fresh ingredients and no additives, the stuff that usually makes your take-away look rather toxic. The restaurant serves all your favourite Indian staples, as well as chef specialities, leaving you incredibly spoilt for choice, and I couldn’t possibly comment on what to recommend before I try it all, which I throroughly intend to do. The lamb madras however was delicious. There’s also a wide selection of vegetarian dishes, pleasing everyone. Special three course meals and set menus are reasonably priced, which helps when you need to tighten those purse strings.

food@gairrhydd.com /

29

food

Food Glorious Food...

Do you ever stop to consider your food? Dan Smith thinks you should

I

was originally going to try to inspire you by suggesting you could buy a couple of ingredients from your local ‘Mediterranean deli’ or ‘Chinese Supermarket’ that would transform an ordinary humdrum meal into something spectacular. Something akin to the Pad Thai you had on a beach in Thailand or the Tagine you wolfed down in the Djemaa el Fna, Marrakech. So I started thinking, ‘But where to begin?’

The simple fact is that food is and always will be the single most important thing in your, or anybody else’s, life. Without it, you die. But it’s more than that, food brings people together and drives them apart.

Wars have been fought over food. A plethora of countries were invaded or colonized to guarantee the production of it and great swathes of various cultures enslaved to provide the labour to produce it. According to the WFP (World Food Program) 854 million people are undernourished across the modern World, something that many organizations are spending millions of pounds and a huge amount energy to try and counter act.

But I don’t want to lecture you about the starving masses or make you feel guilty because you happen to have been born into an affluent country. If nothing else, that would be hypocritical opposite reviews of Cardiff’s international restaurant scene.

Instead I’d like to explain how

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amazing food, as a concept, is. I’ve spent years cooking food for a profession, reading about food, thinking about food, eating food, sleeping food and generally being obsessed by its production, origin, cultural significance and development. But after all that, I still know relatively little and never fail to be amazed by the diversity of raw foods, ingenuity of cooking and the polyglottous nature of foods origins.

Food plays a large part in many religions. Take, for example, the giving of bread and wine in Christian churches, or the eating of unleavened bread during the week of the Jewish holiday of Passover.

Even the seemingly insignificant salt has had an illustrious history as the maker of empires. The first Chinese economic systems were based upon the production and sale of salt and the Roman Empire, amongst many other empires, made fortunes out of it. Salting foods allowed armies to march across huge distances and gave Northern European fishing boats the means with which to reach North America long before Columbus. The word ‘Salary’ comes from the Latin ‘Sal’, meaning salt, because salt was so precious that soldiers (or ‘sal’diers) were paid in it.

The spice route from the East to the West has long been a source of cross-cultural relationships. It’s not a coincidence that both the Italians and the Chinese cook what are, essentially, noodles made from starch

dough. Or that everybody from China to Italy eats rice as a staple whereas west of Italy, traditionally, they don’t.

But food is still one of the major exports of many developing countries and the subject of hundreds of Government organizations; NGO’s and UN affiliated programs. Millions of pounds is spent on developing emulated flavours or preservative techniques, yet nothing tastes better than your own Mum’s cooking.

It’s not just nutritious but has psychological aspects as well. Coca Cola has, for a long time, sold the taste of Coca Cola through advertising rather than actually producing a product that is markedly different from its closest rival, Pepsi.

Heston Blumenthal has recently popularized his theories about the psychology surrounding food, how the sound of crunching heightens your sense of pleasure when eating crisps or that eating a fish dish whilst listening to sounds of the sea makes it taste fishier. Which will be why that Pad Thai you had in Thailand or the Tagine you had in Marrakech can’t be emulated in your halls of residence to the same standards of perfection.

So, with all this history, evolution and subconscious psychology that has lead to every mouthful of food that you eat, why did anybody ever think that producing ‘Super Noodles’ was a good idea?

Football is a gentleman’s game played by thugs, and the fans aren’t much better. Richard Jeffries thinks it’s time to give footy fans a break and move the spotlight to their rugby counterparts

final whistle

Tackle those rugger buggers I

n the eyes of the average Cardiff student, the classic sporting choice between football and rugby is such an obvious one, the question need hardly be asked.

Indeed, the population votes annually with its feet in a pilgrimage to the sporting event of the year, the Varsity rugby match. Rugby is the man’s game. It is heralded as a chivalrous clash of honour and bravery, contested by worthy gladiators with shining armour. Footballers, on the other hand, are whinging little girls who divide their time equally between rolling on the floor, kicking each other and doing their hair.

Apparently.

The irony of the average student regurgitating such a weary argument aside, there is rather less debate about the most important point of all: which sport has better fans?

Of course, why would anyone even pose that question? The image and tradition of rugby fans as fine, upstanding members of society is practically biblical, and so universally accepted that to challenge it would be laughable.

Everyone knows, surely, that football fans are hard drinking, Stone Island wearing hooligans whose Saturdays start with booze, end with booze and hopefully incorporate some violence in between. However

the reality is that most football fans are relatively well-behaved, with a minority of fans managing to give the huge majority a bad name. In contrast, the commonly held belief that rugby fans are superior is as much of a fabrication as a Cristiano Ronaldo dive.

While rugby fans have little interest in organising a ruck in a local park after the game, the city centre turns into an absolute free-for-all of unacceptable behaviour on a match night. The phrase “I’m not going to town tonight, it’s a rugby night” is especially common at this time of year as Six Nations fever grips the city. I’d be interested to know if the non-Welsh amongst our student body felt comfortable enough in the caring qualities of other rugby fans to go and watch the game in a pub outside studentville.

My claims are punctuated by two completely contrasting snippets from one weekend’s sporting action. First, consider the actions of Gwent and South Wales Police in providing extra patrols during rugby weekends in an attempt to cut down on domestic violence. Research conducted throughout the 2007 Six Nations championship revealed that incidents of domestic violence were more frequent on match days.

In comparison, witness the impec-

cable way in which the minute’s silence was conducted during the Manchester derby. The behaviour of the crowd was magnificent and allayed all pre-match fears that the silence, in memory of the Munich Air Disaster which claimed the lives of several United players and staff in 1958, would be ruined by away fans. Although the rivalry between the two teams extends far beyond territory and on the pitch success, and City tore up the script with a professional 2-1 victory, the respect shown towards the memorial was a fantastic advert for the game.

Much of the problem behaviour associated with both sports’ supporters and hangers-on can be attributed to alcohol consumption.

However, it is arguable that footballrelated violence is often planned and usually expected by those who find themselves involved. Rarely does it affect Joe Public.

On the other hand, the loutish behaviour of rugby fans is often much more wide-ranging and harder to police. On a weekend when the Welsh rugby players strengthened their bid for a satisfying Grand Slam, it was football fans who were the real winners with their commendable respect for one of the sport’s great tragedies.

sport@gairrhydd.com /

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blind date

Blind Date

This week Blind Date has been rather inspired in setting my lovely self up with a dishy hunk. The lucky chap in question is a biochemistry graduate from Carmarthenshire with a penchant for brunettes. He’s also rather buff!

Wayne Thomas

Hazel Plush

You look like a bit of a ladies’ man, what were your first impressions of Hazel?

That she’s gorgeous! I wasn’t sure what to expect but we got on well instantly.

First impressions?

I thought he looked like a bit of a player, I’m sure he won’t mind me saying that. But he’s hot! And more than a little beefy!

So you had a good night then?

Yeah, hopefully we’ll be doing it again some time, if she’ll have me!

So the night went well for you?

Yes, I was a bit dubious about going on a blind date myself but it turned out really fun.

Awesome, so which would you rather: chuck, fuck or marry?

Marry, I think. Although I’m not a stalker. Really!

Chuck, fuck or marry?

I never appreciated the trickiness of this question.

Not chuck. Marry?! With a little of the other?

And out of ten?

Nine, definitely.

Out of ten?

Nine.

Thanks to the Hard Rock Café in the Brewery Quarter Interested in a blind date? Email me, your very own sultry love goddess...

32 / blinddate@gairrhydd.com

blind date

BOOKWORMING Have you got any raisins? Do you fancy a date? If The Times is to be believed, this is one of the most successful chat-up lines ever. All in the name of research, I tried it. And fell flat on my arse.

I

together the female population of the world is a crass t’s February, and all this talk of Valentine’s Day idea, even for the mildest of feminists. Amongst the and Spring seems to be getting everyone a little seduction techniques that Strauss recommends are excited. The gurus, life-coaches and astronomers pre-scripted routines, ‘negs’ to lower the woman’s self of the world are still pumping out ‘New Year, New You’ esteem, and methods to overcome her so called ‘bitch advice, and it seems we’ve all gone a little mad on the shield’, whatever that might be. His methods have been old self-help front. criticised by old-school lotharios and feminists alike, Relationship propaganda is everywhere: falling from newspaper pullouts, littering the shelves in Waterstones and all those pre-planned conversations and strategic moves are more than a little creepy. One thing is for and cluttering up TV scheduling. Magazines, too, are full certain, however: Strauss is rolling in it. of the stuff, continually promising ground-breaking inThe self-help concept is a huge cash cow, allowing all sights into the opposite sex. With endless publications boasting how to ‘Make Him Beg For More’, ‘Shortcuts To kinds of self-professed ‘experts’ to share their secrets Relationship Success’ and ‘What She’s Really Thinking’, for a fat wodge of cash. Across the pond, fanatical Yanks spend $8.56 million (£4.8m) annually on the pearls of wisdom from celebrity columnists and agony books alone. Steve Salerno, author of the industry exaunts are ripe and ready for your perusal. But are we posé Sham: How the Gurus of the Self-Help Movement really so clueless as to warrant all this non-stop advice flying from all angles? What’s the real cost behind all Make us Helpless, explains how relationship guides those juicy nuggets are just deceptive of knowledge? money-spinners. ‘BuyNeil Strauss is ers are more likely 5ft 6in tall and bald, to be losers at love, yet he’s managed hapless fumblers for to charm the phone whom books conjured numbers out of a fantasy world in Britney and Pamela which they’d imagAnderson. Ok, so ine themselves’, he they might not be explains. ‘Failure and the most exclusive stagnation, thus, are of Hollywood ladies central to the busibut Strauss boasts that he can get any ness model’. By exploiting the insecurities of the girl’s number after just 5 minutes in general public, ‘gurus’ and doctors (often only her company. After joining the exclusive in the PhD sense) engineer their books towards ‘Seduction Committee’, an organisation readers with low self-esteem who won’t of men who swap pulling techniques and seek help from elsewhere. ‘People learn to insights into female psychology, Strauss look for the stereotype, not the individual,’ developed an apparently foolproof woocontinues Salerno. ‘They respond to one ing technique. Pulling bible The Game is another on that misguided, impersonal basis.’ one of his contributions to world literaAmongst all this psychobabble and cognitive ture, a best selling guide detailing the ins trickery it’s easy to forget what you actually and outs of his techniques. The short, bald set out to do in the first place. Like it or lothario explains that by using a few strategic not, there will always be a market for cognitive techniques and ‘counter-intuitive self-help books so long as their wisdom’, he can sleep with ‘almost any authors continue to exploit comwoman in the world’. mon anxieties and insecurities.

I’m sure I’m not alone here, Successful relationships need but the thought of being tarred to be based on friendship and with the same brush as the trust, not on the mind games of likes of Pammy and Britney a short, balding man. doesn’t immediately put me Strauss: baldly going where no man has in the mood for love. Lumping gone before

“

“

Successful relationships shouldn’t be based on the mind games of short, balding men

blinddate@gairrhydd.com /

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arts

Fables and Fantasy Sherman Theatre 29 Jan-2 Feb

W

ith The Wyrd Sisters, Act One has created a truly magical performance.

The play is a stage adaptation by Stephen Briggs of Terry Pratchett’s 1998 novel, which is the sixth in the Discworld series.

Director Chris Smith (Astrophysics student by daytime, drama creator by night) took the paperversion of the humoristic take on William Shakespeare’s Macbeth and Hamlet and brought it to life. And what a wonderful life!

As the story begins, we meet Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg and Magrat Garlick, three merry witches.

In the first instance, they seem quite scary, but as their conversation unfolds, it soon becomes clear that they are up to some very good deeds.

Immediately, I have to add that all three witches were excellently cast. A very jolly and warm Nanny, played by Ellen Armstrong, a slightly hippy-like and nervous, yet very lovable Magrat (Lizzie Church) and a very strict and wise Granny (Beth Collins).

After we meet the witches, we witness how they are handed a baby (Tomjon, the lawful heir to the kingdom’s throne) and the king’s crown, which they in their turn pass on to travelling actors, having decided that destiny will overcome all injustice.

As the play evolves, we learn that King Verence the First has been murdered by his cousin, Duke Felmet.

Lady Felmet, the Duke’s wife, is slightly manipulative and greedy, and

34/ arts@gairrhydd.com

This week, arts reviewers have been dabbling in murder, destiny and witchcraft in the Wyrd Sisters, religious parables made comic in the musical Godspell, and some good old-fashioned romance in West Side Story as we find out later, has driven her husband to commit the crime.

In the meantime, a dreamy romance develops between the court’s Fool and Magrat. Unfortunately, their romance is interrupted when the duke orders the Fool to engage on a long journey to find a playwright for a play that is meant to restore the people’s faith in the Duke.

However, destiny (and the witches, who forwarded time by fifteen years in a wonderfully comical way) has played its part to ensure a happy ending. It turns out that Tomjon is a member of the theatrical company the Fool is sent to find. When the play

“

In the first instance, they seem quite scary, but as their conversation unfolds, it soon becomes clear that they are up to some very good deeds

“

The Wyrd Sisters Act One

is shown at the court, the truth comes to light. Tomjon, however, refuses to become king, but in a slightly strange turn in the plot, the Fool turns out to be his brother, and thus the Fool becomes king. It’s a small world, after all!

It was a great night, as the play

was utterly delightful, well- produced, with amazing costumes (especially Lady Felmet’s dress, however, Charlotte Strange, who played her, told me the dress was highly uncomfortable to wear), very good actors, professional lighting and some very strong dialogue that made the audience laugh over and over again.

When the curtains were drawn, the length of the applause proved that I wasn’t the only person to enjoy the play.

Natalia Popova

arts

I Have Never..

.

Seen a religious musical

Godspell Wales Millennium Centre 29 Jan-2 Feb

G

odspell elicits a traditional and modern portrayal of the life and death of Christ.

The teachings of Jesus are told through a weird perspective on religion. The musical essentially demonstrates a vibrant, fun and happy atmosphere, which you would not necessarily associate with the death of Jesus.

There are a small number of talented cast members who exert their enthusiastic performance upon the audience. But the musical does not take itself too seriously, and neither should its audience.

The light-hearted nature of Godspell has to be embraced, as this is the only way to make it through the whole production. Comedy is drawn from modern references, which creates cringeworthy moments, as certain puns fall flat. There is also an element of pantomime incorporated into the musical, which you will either love or hate. The constant need to try and get the audience involved can at times prove too much to bear, and highlights an amateur and simplistic interpretation of Godspell.

Act one of the musical is ultimately a bit over the top, where religion appears to be detached, and jokes referring to “herbal essences” and “cillit bang” are as creative as it gets. Unfortunately, any comic value is squandered by the repetitive and depressing singing of the song “Day by Day”. By the third time of hearing this song, you cannot help but no longer pay attention, and slowly lose the will to live. Yet, in act two, there is a sudden and shocking dramatic turn through the crucifixion of Jesus.

This confuses matters more and makes you question whether you are still watching the same musical.

If happy, light-hearted and slightly strange musicals are your thing, then Godspell ticks all the boxes.

Yet, if you are expecting an in-depth religious production, you will surely be disappointed.

Lisa Evans

West Side Story Sherman Theatre 8 - 16 Feb

T

onight (toniiight…) saw the performance of the classic modernday Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story. Two rival gangs, the PuertoRican ‘Sharks’ and the American ‘Jets’, coinciding in a battle over territory, and the tragic tale of forbidden love in a divided society.

The energetic cast from the Cardiff-based Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama brought the production surging into the Sherman Theatre in a wave of dance and musical numbers. The spectacular routines and stage direction made for a polished performance, which successfully evoked the cultural clashes and racial tensions prominent of the era of which it was a product.

With its vibrant costumes and set design, this performance was visually brilliant; the Royal Welsh College managed to bring this musical brightly onto the modern stage whilst retaining its 1950s charm.

Much of the appeal lied with the quirky individual characters, from the nerdy manager of the dance halls to the corrupt police detective. The cast did a fantastic job of bringing the characters to life in a way which still appeals to the audience in this modern day. A few awkward PuertoRican accents and predictable sexual innuendos seemed to be the only downfall of this smoothly-run and lively production.

The whoops from the audience showed that West Side Story certainly impressed on its opening night. The most entertainment on the ‘whole, ever, mother lovin’ street’! Yeah!

Kate Budd

Previews ART EXHIBITION Mary Lloyd Jones – New Painting Martin Tinney Gallery 1-23 Feb Lloyd Jones is one of Wales’s most popular and established artists.

Born in Devil’s Bridge in 1934, she trained at Cardiff College of Art and has exhibited widely at home and abroad. Inspired by the Welsh landscape and, in particular, the man-made marks on that landscape, her bold expressionist paintings are characterised by their use of rich and vibrant colour.

MUSICAL Shout!

New Theatre 25 Feb-1 March Mon-Thurs 7.30pm; Fri 6pm & 9pm; Sat 2.30pm & 7.30pm A camp combination of melodrama, 60s music and rainbow-coloured dresses, this musical is based around the infectious, soulful songs that made Petula Clark, Cilla Black, Lulu and Dusty Springfield legendary singers. Featuring the bubbly Claire Sweeney and well-known tunes such as Downtown, Son of a Preacher Man and I Only Wanna Be With You. COMEDY Phil Nicol, Hiro Worship Sherman Theatre 20th February With a comedy style is confessional to the point of deranged Hiro Worship is the story of Hiro, a Japanese fan who speaks little English with the exception of Rolling Stones lyrics, told in Phil’s legendary manic and animated style.

arts@gairrhydd.com / 35

books

news...news...news...news... The Bibliophile HarperCollins Vs New Line

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upert Murdoch’s HarperCollins publishing house have teamed up with J.R.R. Tolkien’s estate to sue film company New Line over their share of the profits from the Lord of the Rings film trilogy. New Line has failed to pay the publisher and Tolkien’s estate the 7% of profits that were contractually agreed upon, despite the trilogy grossing almost $3 billion worldwide. The claimants are looking to obtain £150 million in damages and also to give Tolkien’s estate the right to terminate future New Line productions based on the author’s work such as the planned film version of The Hobbit. This comes as further hassle to New Line, who only recently settled an underpayment case with the trilogy’s director Peter Jackson.

A comic look at the Holocaust

G

erman schoolchildren are to learn about their country’s darkest hour in the form of a comic book on the rise of Hitler, the war and the Holocaust. The comic, Die Suche, tells the fictional story of a young Jewish woman who seeks the truth about her family’s deportation to a concentration camp. The comic book is being piloted in certain schools in Germany and also Hungary and Poland. If it proves a success then the comic book could soon be widespread in German classrooms. The Anne Frank House, behind the scheme, has worked closely with historians to make an accurate and engaging account of Germany’s dark history that will hopefully bring awareness of the subject to the younger generation.

J

36 / books@gairrhydd.com

...More HarperCollins

ack of all trades Neil Gaiman has given his fans the chance to see one of his works available for free on the HarperCollins website. He invited his fans to vote for which of his books they would recommend to someone who has never read his work. The free book will be announced soon and will join a handful of other books selected to feature on the HarperCollins website. The books will be available online for a month each, but readers will not be able to print or download them.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

T

ranslation can be a tricky thing because, unless you can understand the original, you’ll never know what’s missing. Despite being changed from Spanish to English, Marquez’s novels brim with experimental and intricately beautiful language.

Columbian born Marquez is critically regarded as one of the twentieth century’s greatest writers, renowned for his Nobel Prize winning One Hundred Years of Solitude. I began reading it once but got bewildered by the myriad of characters sharing the same name. So I wandered into Love in the Time of Cholera and fell in love with some very tatty pages. First line: ‘It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love.’

Now I’m back to One Hundred Years of Solitude for my course and I can’t put it down. The novel presents comic moments alongside the ordinary and the fantastic, and it is clear to see why critics call this his masterpiece. Reading Marquez is not an easy challenge but is completely worth it. Whatever he writes and whatever he describes is, without falter, new and original. Marquez engages so intimately with the senses that he convinces you that his descriptions have always been yours, even if, like me, you have no idea what bitter almonds smell like.

Felicity Whitton

books

J?F:B _FIIFI

With a new novel looming on the not-so-distant horizon, Chuck Palahniuk is ready to show the world he’s back. Tom Williams looks back at the novels that made one man a cult hero

I

t’s not often that an author can instil a visceral reaction amongst their readership. Some people may laugh audibly at a humorous passage, whilst others may be moved to tears by a more poignant excerpt. It is rare, however, for an author to claim, and indeed relish, the number of people he has made faint with mere words.

The writer is Chuck Palahniuk, and the story is Guts.

The story appears in Palahniuk’s novel Haunted, but was featured in promotional readings for his previous novel Diary. The short story describes accidents incurred via adolescent masturbation involving such elements as carrots, candle wax and, most disturbingly, suction pipes, at a swimming pool which leaves the main character a little empty inside and with a bad taste in his mouth to say the least. Palahniuk boasts a grand total of 73 faints as a result of his public readings of Guts, something he is unashamedly proud of.

Palahniuk rose to fame when his debut novel Fight Club made its way into a Hollywood executive’s hands and subsequently onto the big screen. Although the film wasn’t a massive success, it has gained a cult following and has also gained Palahniuk many new fans. His second published novel, Survivor tells the tale of the only survivor of a religious death cult, who finds himself an icon upon his emergence into mainstream culture. Invisible Monsters deals with issues of disfigurement, whilst Choke, Palahniuk’s first bestseller is the story of a conman who pretends to choke in restaurants and then panders the various people who ‘save’ him for money for medical bills. These novels quickly attained Palahniuk cult status amongst fans who enjoyed his minimalist style, cynicism, dark

humour and bizarre vignettes inspired by real-life events.

After these novels, Palahniuk moved into the realm of horror, or ‘satirical horror’ as some critics have described it. Of Palahniuk’s shift to horror, his novel Haunted is probably the most deserving of this particular generic tag. It is a complex narrative made up of numerous short stories with an overall story arc involving a mysterious writer’s workshop where the participants are hidden away and literally submerge themselves in their works for a number of weeks. The novel describes the breakdown of the characters and all forms of human decency between them.

Whilst there is a definite conflict between Palahniuk fans over the merits of his earlier, more realist works as opposed to his later works which contained supernatural elements, Palahniuk has maintained his cult following and his fans are renowned for their dedication and Palahniuk for his engagement with them. Palahniuk posts a writing workshop for his fans on his website and even answers every piece of fan mail sent to him, sometimes along with an unusual gift. Even “emo” boyband Panic at the Disco are apparently fans, as many titles and themes of their horrible songs are appropriated from Palahniuk works.

Palahniuk’s next novel, Snuff, out in May this year, is going to depict a porn star who attempts to break the world record for serial fornication on camera. 600 men in one sitting, apparently. Palahniuk fans can also look longingly forward for news on the big screen adaptations of his novels Survivor, Invisible Monsters, Diary and Choke, whose film rights have been bought by studios but, thus far, news of which has been under the radar.

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cult classics

The Forgotten Beat?

Gareth J. S. Mogg takes a look at one of the lesser known members of the Beat Generation, artist and poet, Brion Gysin ...

T

he Beat Generation; surely we’ve all heard of it at one point or another. For those who haven’t, it was a movement whereby spontaneous prose was dabbled in, freedom expressed, and it spoke for a generation of people at the time, and still does today!

It comprised most famously of individuals like Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg. However, there were many more aspects to the Beat Generation than simply those which were known to the mainstream. It is, therefore, my distinct pleasure to introduce you to Brion Gysin.

Gysin, although not someone in the same genre of people as Kerouac, or his good friend William Burroughs, was nonetheless someone who fitted in with this genre of expression. Primarily a painter, Gysin also dabbled in various forms of poetry, spoken word and performance art, demonstrating his unique and surreal take on things in such a powerful way.

When he was younger, Gysin moved to France, where he got involved with the surrealist art move-

Gysin: artist, poet, mentalist

ment, which housed the likes of Salvador Dali and Picasso. Undoubtedly, Gysin’s love for the abstract was something that was influenced by his surroundings at this time.

Gysin was the creator of the cutup technique and commented that he wanted to infuse art with words.

One day, he took a Stanley blade to an article, cutting out the different words, before rearranging them. This style of writing greatly influenced the way in which writing evolved during his time, with the completion of Naked Lunch, by Burroughs, implementing many of Gysin’s techniques.

A further result of this new technique was developed, whereby Gysin created what he called ‘Permutated poems’. One example of this was when he would repeat a phrase over and over again, alternating and rearranging the words each time. For example: “No. Poets don’t own words.// Poets don’t own no words. // No words! Poet’s don’t own.”

A more unorthodox example (if this is actually possible!) can be seen when he recorded himself firing a gun at different distances, and then spliced the different sounds together. Parallels can be drawn here with Tristan Tzara, the creator of Dadaism.

Furthermore, in 1961, he invented the ‘Dream Machine’ with Ian Sommerville, which completely transcended the boundaries of what traditionally known as art, as it was commented that this machine was the first to portray art with eyes closed. Somehow.

As can be imagined with such a different approach, many criticisms were expressed, including claims that he was a bad influence and essentially doing more harm than good.

However, his work was somewhat

revolutionary, with his fresh take on artistic approach providing an inspiration for many, which can be clearly seen with the novel Naked Lunch. Burroughs once in fact, proclaimed that Gysin was “the only man I ever respected.”

Gysin proved to be a vastly inspirational writer for many well-known people, as seen with the likes of David Bowie and Mick Jagger, who implemented his cut-up technique as a form of inspiration

Gysin’s Dream Machine for their song-writing. His inventive ideas captivated people with their flare, originality and seemingly never-ending dimensions! If it was possible to create something in the fourth dimension, Gysin would have been the one to do it!

Gysin was never a fan of the norm, and experimented with all sorts of unique ideas; he didn’t fit in with the same style as his contemporaries, but he certainly played a highly important role in the construction of art.

He commented that: “writing is fifty years behind painting.” And I personally think that painting was fifty years behind Brion Gysin.

classics@gairrhydd.com

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music

inmusicthisweek

morrissey

blackkids

live:lessavyfav

musiceditorial musiceditorial

A

s much as I loathe to admit it, I am a middle-class white boy, more suited to mock Tudor pubs than to the bright lights of a big city. My life has been one of strawberry jam and village fêtes, not one of bus shelters and concrete jungles.

Therefore, I still find it remarkable that I am transported to these nightmarish visions of city life, when I listen to one of my favourite albums of last year, Untrue by Burial.

Sparse electronica mixes mournful vocals. This is Dubstep, Jim, but not as we know it.

Gone is the ridiculous bass and

pointless machismo of Caspa’s Well’Ard, in lieu of nervous, twitchy beats and sparse distant vocals. Even the track titles summon up images of the urban sprawl that Burial is seemingly so at odds with. Tracks such as Dog Shelter and In McDonalds are almost haunting in their representation of the empty nature of city life.

However, the standout track has to be Archangel. I often find myself wandering the streets of our fair city at an unsightly hour due to my insomnia, and it is through these eerie encounters with the city that Archangel re-

ally speaks to me. This is not a track for yuppies to listen to on their Blackberry on the tube to work; this is for people like me.

People who do not always sit easy with the confines of city life, but are almost too afraid to leave because of the security that city limits offers. If you too feel uneasy with city life, then you may just have found the soundtrack to your paranoia.

Unfortunately, Burial is unlikely to be your first experience with Dubstep. Some fucking ad exec will try and sell you some fucking shoes with it and ruin everything.

Cheers, TV cunts. BM

loveletters Francesca Jarvis declares her love (kind of) for Music Journalism

I

t seems ever-so-slightly ironic to be writing a “love letter” on something I’m not quite sure if I love or loathe. But in a world of ever-expanding media platforms, music journalism is both hugely influential and hugely populist.

I suppose when you think of music journalism there’s no better place to start than with the NME; a magazine intent on promoting new music, new bands and new talent, and then slagging it off once they get a bit bored. Go figure. One of

the biggest problems in music journalism today is that it’s either just shit, or wanky, pretentious and accessible only to selfconfessed music elitists. Call me old-fashioned, but this isn’t the way music journalism should be. It should be devoid of any bitchiness, self-importance and highbrow undertones and focus on surely the most important aspect: the music.

That said, the internet provides a wonderfully vast landscape for anybody to write what they like on who they like, when they like.

Music blogs are steadily becoming more important in promoting music, much like MySpace in its heyday. For indie kids, music journalism is a playground. But, arguably, for everybody else, it becomes hard for people to take seriously, aka Kerrang!

Music journalism can be stylish, beautifully designed, edgu and interesting. But ultimately it’s over-‘wordy’ and self-obsessed.

Wishful thinking, but perhaps it’s time for a shake-up.

music@gairrhydd.com /

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music

MORRISSEY’S

GREATEST HITS HITS

O

n the 4th of February Morrissey released his Greatest Hits and sold out a 6 night residency at Camden Roundhouse and I (as a huge Moz fan) find myself asking why is he so enduringly popular? Is he still relevant?

Morrissey has always been controversial with songs like National Front Disco but recently the magazine NME quoted Morrissey allegedly saying: “Although I don’t have anything against people from other countries, the higher the influx into England the more the British identity disappears. So the price is enormous. If you travel to Germany, it’s still absolutely Germany. If you travel to Sweden, it still has a Swedish identity. But travel to England and you have no idea where you are.” Even after statements like that Morrissey is still more popular and even more notorious than ever. In contrast to Weller and Ian Brown, Morrissey’s solo career technically more successful than that of his former band The Smiths. How has he managed it?

He’s lasted long enough to see the style he practically invented become popular with the NME nu rave generation. With his NHS glasses, James Dean inspired quiff, hearing aid and charity shop shirt, Morrissey was the original embodiment of geek chic. Thanks to Morrissey, being both miserable and vegetarian became cool. His witty and nostalgic lyrics have inspired a generation of songwriters from Noel Gallagher to Pete Doherty. With the help of Russell Brand he was also voted number 2 in the BBC Culture Shows Greatest Living Icons. When a recent single like You Have Killed Me reaches No 3, you can’t help but feel it’s a kind compensation for the fact that This Charming Man only reached No 25.

Morrissey’s extreme romanticism and amused anguish continues to speak to new generations of teenagers. Surprisingly Morrissey has a very large Latino fan base in L.A. where he once lived.

Mexican-American culture is soaked with a devotion to “oldies” from the stage, screen with the sounds of 1970s soul and rockabilly long enjoying favour with immigrants to the US. It would seem that Morrissey’s similarity in stage persona to some Mexican pop stars means that he fits right in. His age and the fact he is from an Irish immigrant family also add weight to his popularity.

Morrissey is lyrically as relevant as ever. Morrissey’s first solo album, Viva Hate, included a track entitled Margaret on the Guillotine, a tongue-in-cheek jab at Prime Minister Thatcher and now his song Full of Crashing Bores points out one of the worst things about modern popular culture- TV reality talent shows.

The endless tours of the last few years really just confirm that by now Morrissey is deep into his Elvis/Vegas period. Once he was the complete artist with a neurotically perfectionist focus on every detail. The bland title and ten-year old photo of this new collection feel like the final confirmation that his focus is no longer there. There is an odd majesty still to Morrissey, but you’re more likely to find it in his performance of the old songs, in the devotion of his audience, in the ritual of the concerts, than on his records any more.

I urge you to go to a Morrissey gig and see that the old crooner still packs a punch despite his recent lack lustre efforts.

WORDS BY GEMMA SOUTHGATE

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music

BLACK KIDS Kyle Ellison spoke to blog darlings Black Kids about their tabloid baiting name, Kate Nash and why they don’t believe the hype...

E

ven if you don’t consciously pay attention to music press, there’s only so long you can stay oblivious to its persistent force-feeding of ‘the next big thing’. Whether they like it or not Black Kids are the next band to fall prey to this sort of hype, and we caught up with them to discuss how they are dealing with all of this sudden interest.

Perhaps the first thing instantly noticeable thing about Black Kids is the band name itself, a point which seems to be obsessed over by journalists in any discussion of the band. “We are tired of talking about it” says bassist Owen Holmes, “but we knew what we were signing up for” reasoning that in having a band name so obviously attention grabbing, that they can hardly complain when it gets attention.

Responding to this recent press the band suggest that they’d prefer to ignore it, “at first it was cool when we saw ourselves on a blog or something, but now it’d be pointless to pay attention when every blog seems to have an opinion”. This much at least is true, Black Kids have set alight the blogosphere and picked up mentions on just about every major music site, but is this at all justified or just another name on a page?

Well, the music itself screams out a range of influences. Vocal-

ist Reggie Youngblood’s Robert Smith-like yelp is brought to the foreground, but the backing music is more reminiscent of collectives like Arcade Fire and The Go! Team.

When asked what other new bands they enjoyed, however, drummer Kevin Snow

jokes “have you heard of this new guy, Neil young?”.

It seems the Floridian band pay as little attention to

the hype of other new bands as they do their own, as Reggie’s sister and keyboardist in the band Ali Youngblood points out classic influences Janet Jackson and Naughty By Nature as important.

They also point out Kate Nash as an artist they genuinely enjoy, after our presumptuous suggestion that this touring partnership might be a clever marketing ploy. “No I totally like Pumpkin Soup” claims Owen, whilst Ali adds “and I drink cups of tea”.

Although opportune in bagging the support slot with Kate Nash as well as an additional support with Sons and Daughters in February, it will certainly be perfect preparation for upcoming releases after their recent signing to Almost Gold records. In fact, regarding album plans they revealed, "We’ve recorded a couple of singles, and we’re recording the actual album with Bernard Butler in march – so hopefully it will come out late summer”.

I suppose we’ll have to wait until then to truly realize whether their publicity is justified, but if their four song EP Wizard of Aaahs and tonight’s live performance is anything to go off, this is one band which is likely to prove the critics right.

INTERVIEW BY KYLE ELLISON

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music

albums

of Arcade Fire-esque eccentricity and exquisite songwriting on Little Windows and One Year On. Friedman produces such gems with the help of a menagerie of largely untapped musical talent, including guest vocalists Karen Sharky and Heather d’Angelo, the latest names to grace the travelling musical circus that is The Boggs.

Bogg Snorkling

“Fortsfromis far

ew York has often been a breeding ground for multitalented and unique musicians: Iggy Pop, Lou Reed and Dee Dee Ramone to name but three.

One name that can be added to that list is vocalist, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Jason Friedman - aka The Boggs. On Forts, his third album, Friedman displays great ambition, drawing on a multitude of influences from all corners of the rock and indie spectra.

The high points on the album are quite brilliant, showing glimpses

Admittedly Forts is far from perfect. Friedman arguably tries to do too much at times and ends up failing. Nevertheless, tracks like his Clash-meets-Beirut opus Melanie in the White Coat show his versatility.

Now all he needs to do is filter out the filler and failed experiments - if he can achieve this then The Boggs’ fourth album will be well worth waiting for.

7/10 Tom Victor

Tangled Up

N

THE ALPS Something I Might Regret Elusive Music Ski-ing the Alps

T

he debut album from this Greenwich-based foursome poses numerous problems for me as a listener, and yet somehow it just about works.

It would be unfair to tar this intriguing quartet with the generic ‘I’ll do anything for Doherty’s cock’ indie brush, and yet it is virtually impossible to place them in any other genre. The Alps seem to have galvanised elements of practically every currently in-vogue, indie-based band and united it into a hazy mixture of an album.

Evidence of their influences is remarkably easy to detect. Spanning from the Weller-esque riffs of Not So Laughable Now to the flagrant

44 / music@gairrhydd.com

“

THE BOGGS Forts

perfect

Smiths-inspired Curriculum Vitae, The Alps have certainly chosen some of Britain’s most iconic and treasured styles to incorporate into their own sound.

The title track sets the album in motion but unfortunately does little more than that, leaving the following two tracks, including their original debut single World at War, to rekindle a little listener-faith.

The melodic honesty of Obstacle Race, supported by the lyrics’ simple serenity, set this up as one of the album’s shining lights.

Unfortunately, the remainder of the album falls into thoughtless indie-mediocrity that will probably translate into Clwb Ifor Bach classics.

An album produced too soon, it remains to be seen if this ensemble can convert their confused, but abundant, talent into an original and sustainable sound.

7/10 David Weston

LES SAVY FAV Inches Wichita

Cock Fighting

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nches was originally released in 2004 on Les Savy Fav’s own label Frenchkiss Records, but has been re-released now the band is signed to Wichita.

Les Savy Fav have featured in just about every end of year poll and the career-spanning project Inches shows us why. This eighteentrack compilation features all of the band’s rare seven-inch singles presented in reverse chronological order.

Our Coastal Hymn (a hidden track on The Cat and the Cobra) is possibly the catchiest song on the compilation. I would try and list all the high points but then I would have to mention everything (gushing!).

Tim Harrington’s educated, poetic lyrics sung over angular guitar riffs are enough to make any indie snob cry with glee. If you have missed out on most of this band’s long career this is a great compilation to get.

9/10 Gemma Southgate

JASON SOUDAH Six Hours Donymar

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Cheese Rolling

ow here’s a man that has songs about love and heartache down to a T. Former Cardiff Uni student Jason Soudah has a piano-dominated style and voice suspiciously similar to the likes of The Fray and other down-in-the-dumps middle-of-theroad bands.

That said, although his sound is not original, his voice and songs are not bad, such as Wallowing and Dive With Me-perfect for all the romance and break-ups bound to happen around Valentine’s Day. Think slightly trendy coffee shop music. After repeated listens you can’t help but hum and maybe even wail along.

6/10 Amy Hall

music

YOUTHMOVIES Good Nature

WU-TANG CLAN 8 Diagrams

Bird Watching

Flower Pressing

Wu Music Group

Drowned In Sound

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ive years worth of writing, adjusting, fine-tuning and virtually non-stop touring have been concluded with Good Nature, the debut album from Oxford-based quintet Youthmovies.

So often the polished article lets people down, prompting joyless boffins to squabble over the intricate details that have been altered from ancient demos. But for once here’s a band that seems to have got it right; Good Nature is an album that should silence even the most miserable of nerds. So excuse me now while I gush.

PickThe

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ll manner of internal rivalries, backbiting and beefs have been going on inside the Clan preceding the release of 8 Diagrams, mainly consisting of various members of the Wu setting the cross hairs on RZA. Considering it has been such a long time since the release of The W, one might have expected the maestro in question to keep the album more on the beaten track, packing the album as he surely could with head bobbers and club bangers; this isn’t the case, but then RZA is not the man to go where you expect. Unlike almost all preceding records there are no instant classics - no tracks that’ll have B-boys screaming on the

dance floor - but then Wu-Tang have always been so much more than this - so much more calculative. It’d be a fool to second-guess the Clan. On repeat listening the delicacy and precise production becomes ever more evident. As ever, Kung Fu samples are in abundance, along with eerily dark scraping noises and the gusting of wind through the trees. All this together with sharp orchestral hits and blaring drums acts to make moments of the records incredibly dark and forbidding, but these times are set off against Nancy Sinatra samples and a reimagining of While My Guitar Gently Weeps.

After the initial disappointment that some Wu fans will inevitably be feeling has died down, the record will be held high in the Clan catalogue not quite at the summit of the groups work, but not far down the mountain.

8/10 Will Hitchins

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k Wee

The largely ambient Magdalen Bridge sets the album nervously into motion, but is quickly brought to life through flourishes of trumpet that are magnificent throughout. It’s a reserved introduction but the band waste no further time, following with lead single The Naughtiest Girl is a Monitor; a song that, while perhaps constructed with some commercial intent, maintains all of the band’s flair.

It’s when Youthmovies are at their most indulgent, however, that they truly shine. If You’d Seen a Battlefield perhaps demonstrates this best, as trumpet combines with guitar to create the most epic and impressive song development throughout, a clear centerpiece for the album culminating, in a track about as perfect as they come.

I think it’s the progression on display that is most impressive. Whilst earlier EPs had hinted at Youthmovies’ potential and originality, Good Nature confirms and underlines it with permanent marker. For a debut album it sets an incredibly high benchmark, but I wouldn’t bet against them surpassing it next time.

9/10 Kyle Ellison

STEPHEN MALKMUS & THE JICKS Real Emotional Trash Domino

Wine Tasting

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ike much of Malkmus’ work, Real Emotional Trash is what you might call ‘a tough cookie to crack’. A few listens will not induce a love affair with this album.

Only after you have given it the time it needs to engrain itself upon that organ that occupies the space between your headphones, can it be

fully appreciated.

The opening track, Dragonfly Pie, launches with heavy guitars that frequently appear throughout the rest of the album, but fortunately transforms into something far more melodic.

This sets the tone for what is to follow, with a perpetual power struggle existing where the melancholic blues guitars and soft melodies compete with a certain adolescent heaviness which, at times, harks back to Malkmus’ previous work with Pavement.

All in all, this is another mark in Malkmus’ constantly good musical career. Well worth a dozen listens.

8/10 Chris Rogers

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live live live live live live live live Lightspeed Champion 07/02/08 Barfly

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s I walked down the Barfly stairs there was an odd smell in the air, it might have been piss, but for the sake of this article let’s just say it was anticipation.

Indeed, you would expect it to be anticipation given the incredible amount of hype surrounding Devonte Hynes, from Never Mind the Buzzcocks to NME covers he seems to be everywhere, ‘Indie’ has anointed its saviour version 2008.

Before Lightspeed Champion we are treated to a wonderful set of epic indie-pop by the under-appreciated Semifinalists. Their main vocalist is this incredible long-fingered man who can get his voice higher than the stars, he wears a creepy smile, but you know he’s not dangerous because of the wonderful sounds which come out of him.

While Lightspeed Champion ascends the stage there is a flurry of excitement in the first few rows of the crowd, as he launches into Galaxy of the Lost arms flail and feet launch of the floor, there’s even a sing-a-long! He puts on a very good performance and his songs are solid, if slightly grating, but the crowd reaction is totally disproportionate, when will people learn not to believe the hype?

Guy Ferneyhough

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Les Savy Fav 10/02/08 Astoria

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heck out the band on stage, they’re actually children!” I’m told by a friend of mine who I bump into on the way into the Astoria.

Sure enough as I round the corner and the stage comes into view I’m greeted by the sight of the five 14yr old Kooks look-a-likes that make up Lo-fi Culture Scene (who despite their initial appearance actually sound pretty good.)

The bulk of tonight’s support however comes from a wonderful double teaming of two of Cardiff’s most exciting exports - Los Campesinos! and Future of The Left.

However, watching Los Campesinos! it’s clear to see that there’s something a little off in their performance tonight. As ever they sound wonderful as they play through a host of tracks from their excellent debut album, yet it’s hard not to notice that the whole Shockwave-sponsered NME awards vibe seems to be getting to openly indie-conscious vocalist Gareth and his onstage energy is noticeably diminished.

Future of The Left on the other hand are on utterly fantastic form.

For a three piece they seems to fill the rather expansive stage of the Astoria with the minimal of effort and with the kind of stage presence that makes it very difficult to take

your eyes off of them. In the space of their short set the band cover not only the highlights of their critically acclaimed debut Curses but find time to throw in a couple of rather excitingly good sounding new songs.

FOTL end their set with vocalist Andy Falkous dismantling the drum kit whilst it is still in use before leaving the stage empty in anticipation of Les Savy Fav. Taking to the stage draped in a cloak and wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask Tim Harrington, vocalist with the Brooklyn based headliners, cuts a curious and rather imposing figure. The balding, big bearded icon is on form as ever, spending as much time in the audience as he does on stage. Across the course of tonights set Harrington makes multipul costume changes (tie-dye shirts, an all-in-one PVC body suit, even an angels costume complete with wings and blonde cherub wig) and indulges regularly in his favourite habit of revealing and stroking his rather expansive stomach.

All the while the eccentricity of Harrington is backed by a tight and enegetic performance from the other four members of Les Savy Fav. Tonight the band showcase a large part of their acclaimed ‘07 album Let’s Stay Friends but include a pleasing amount of back catalouge material and it’s the slightly more obscure cuts such as We’ve Got Boxes and encore closer Rome (Written Upside Down) that get the most obvious reaction.

Plus they cover the Pixies’ Debaser which is odd, in a good way.

Si Truss

music

live live live live live live live live ing Madina Lake are the reason the somewhat younger crowd have been waiting outside the Union since 1pm Kerrang! Tour as the pop punk outfit bounce on Student Union 30/01/08 stage with an undeniable infectious energy.

Despite a painful speech riddled with cliché young American angst, these boys give the crowd what they want tonight. Chants of Co-heed fill he evening opens with the the venue before erupting as the crisp drumming and stunning outline of Claudio Sanchez’ mass of guitar tones of Circa Surivive, wild hair becomes visible. complimenting the crystal high While Coheed and Cambria may tenor of lead singer Anthony Green. not be a band to say much, their They project a synthetic ambiprogressive power-rock sound ence that is simply electrifying yet it speaks for itself in an intensity that would seem that such melodic comhas the whole crowd singing back plexity goes to waste on this crowd. at them.

It is rather the grunge-laden vocals, The quartet play an hour long set heavy riffs and catchy choruses of that is perhaps ever so slightly long Fightstar that create the first mass winded at times yet culminates in sing alongs and circle pits of the an encore of the explosive Welcome evening.

Home that leaves the crowd in a It is clear that the band have state of euphoria. A diverse line up come a long way as heavier new that can’t fail to entertain. material demonstrates a certain Amy Walker maturity that establishes them as credible musicians. You get the feel-

T

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lashing their red shoes, harsh fringes and some maniacal seductive stares, french bossanova act Nouvelle Vague tantalised their audience this week at The Point.

Nouvelle Vague flirted with the audience, delivering tongue-in –cheek tunes such as their ode to a German film star, and their catchy little number Too Drunk to Fuck.

Making a musical journey through the post-punk era with tracks by Joy

“

sparks were flying across the stage

“

Nouvelle Vague 01/02/08 The Point

Division, Echo and the Bunnyman, the Cramps and Depeche Mode the outcome was more evocative of a Parisian lounge bar.

Sparks were flying across the stage as Melanie and Phoebe, the two singers flailed, purred and swung their luscious pre-Raphaelite manes.

The wild and dark cabaret-gothic delivery of Phoebe, made manifest by her pronouncement that “We

Black Kids Fleece

02/02/08

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n spite of a myriad of audio impediments, Friendly Fires finally took to the stage to a smattering of ironic cheers.

The quintet nonchalantly picked up seemingly whichever instrument was closest to them at the time and launched into their first number. It had a synthesiser and a cowbell. No wait, come back! None of this shonky Klaxons-esque ‘put you hands in the air like you just don’t care’ whistles and glowsticks bollocks. Instead just straight up ACE dance-punk without any of the trappings of bandwagonry.

Next up were the much anticipated Black Kids. Ignore the Daily Mail baiting moniker, and you’ll find an absolutely cracking band. Soaring synths, Tamla Motown melodies and a workmanlike drum and bass section all combine to create Cure & MBV apeing anthems for a generation bored of trilby hats and bad tattoos. Reggie, their enigmatic frontman, manages to add a melancholy and yearning to the joyous ballads, providing light and shade to the proceedings.

Ben Marshall

are all flies” contrasted with the syrupy tones of Melanie, leading to a heightened stage tension and a rather excitable instrumental support!

The band covers are delivered with sultry vocals and latino rhythms ranging from ska, rocksteady and reggae through to salsa and calypso.

It is fair to say that their tracks are not particularly groundbreaking and their beats distinctly familiar.

But their sexy fusion made for an entertaining showcase. With Parisian panache, Nouvelle Vague left a heady and sensual aftertaste not overfeeding Cardiff’s appetite but teasing it with something rather delicious.

Poppy Nicol

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THE BUZZ...

The latest news, rumours and conjecture

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s I sit in the office and twiddle my thumbs, the news is imminent that the ongoing writers strike, which has brought certain productions in Hollywood to a standstill, is coming to an end. But what was all the malarkey about anyway?

I’ve decided to try and give a brief account of the affair that has had the cardigan-wearing, double espresso-drinking, typewriterbothering screenwriters of America waving around slogans on placards.

Well-written ones admittedly.

The strike is organised by the Writers Guild Of America and is/ was against the ‘man’. “Yeah…you know…like, making children work for fourteen hours without a break.

One boy…you know, they made him write an entire season of Everybody Loves Raymond in three days and, like, they whipped him when the script didn’t live up to expectations. Dude, like…another boy was beaten for giving Ted Danson a joke about 9/11…yeah….”

In all seriousness the ‘man’ in this case is the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, and the key dispute concerns the percentage of royalties received from DVD sales. Believe it or not the income from DVD sales is worth over double that of the box office takings for the studios. The WGA claims that they get paid an outdated percentage and this income is much needed when writers are not working, in one of the many dry periods that hits the creative arts.

We might all think writers are wishy-washy replaceable hacks (I mean everyone’s got a novel in them, ain’t it?) but according to a report in mid-January the strike had cost the industry one billion dollars and counting.

Thankfully, by the time you read this the strike should be a distant memory. Quite right too: after all, Moleskine notebooks aren’t as cheap as they used to be, Starbucks has upped its prices and these arty types have got to find to money for iBooks from somewhere. WH

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I’VE GOT WOOD-Y So I’ve been hoping this news would come ever since the day I first sat down and tucked into Series One of Curb Your Enthusiasm. It has been reported in Entertainment Weekly that Larry David, the second-best Jew in the world, is to star in the latest Woody Allen film (if you hadn’t guessed, he’s the first-best). The asyet-untitled project will see the director back on home soil after having been filmmaking in Europe over the last couple of years. Now in Allen’s previous movies in which he himself didn’t appear, leading men have all played a version or downright replica of Woody’s on-screen persona (Will Ferrell, John Cusack, Kenneth Brannagh). No news has reached us as to whether Larry David will be continuing this trend or bringing his own inimitable character to the screen.

I will shoot you and I do robot karate (Jack Black )

”

This week we talk to JB about Be Kind Rewind

RAIMI/JUNO Film desk’s current favourite actress Ellen Page is set to star in a new Sam Raimi horror flickominously entitled Drag Me to Hell. Ellen Page, having only recently achieved wide popular recognition (and an OSCAR nomination) with teen-rom-preg-com Juno initially wowed critics with her cold, calculated and difficult performance in Hard Candy.

Sam Raimi himself has been steadily ruining his credibility with the Spiderman franchise and a return to horror is perhaps exactly what he needs to get back on track.

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ichel Gondry’s ascent from drummer and part-time camera wielder for French rock band Oui, Oui to Oscar-winning Dir: Michel Gondry idiosyncratic movie-maker was, it seems, inevitable. After his colCast: Jack Black, laboration with Bjork on Human Mos Def, Melonie Behaviour in 1993, it took Gondry Diaz nearly eight years to make his first Out 22 Feb. 122 mins feature film and Charlie Kaufman collaboration number one, Human Nature. This was quickly followed, via Dave Chappelle’s Block Party, with the acclaimed Eternal SunSynopsis: Having become convinced shine of the Spotless Mind (which that the power station behind his won an Oscar for best original trailer is melting his brain, Jerry screenplay) and the quirky, if slight(Black) attempts sabotage. His plan ly flawed, Science of Sleep. Be Kind goes awry however and the magRewind, however, is somewhat of netic field that his accident creates a departure from the Frenchman’s around him wipes all of the tapes previous films. in best friend Mike’s (Def) video Following a traditional linear narstore (owned by Danny Glover’s Mr rative (something of a novelty for Fletcher). In order to please regular customer Ms. Kimberley (Mia Farrow) Gondry), Be Kind Rewind gives us Jack Black in full ‘loveable loser’ and to avoid the wrath of owner Mr mode trying to botch his way out of Flectcher, the pair film their own a situation that his crazy shenaniversion of Ghostbusters. As their gans have got him into. Boasting a ‘Sweded’ movies begin to take off genuinely interesting premise, the and the pair become local celebrimovie charts Black and Mos Def’s ties, they realise that they could use attempts to recreate several big-budtheir filmmaking to attempt to raise get movies using nothing but props enough money to save Mr Fletchers that Blue Peter would have deemed store from the wrecking ball. too lo-fi. These sections of the film are utterly delightful, exhibiting all

BE KIND REWIND

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of the playful experiments that we associate with Gondry’s films. Ghostbusters, Driving Miss Daisy, King Kong - no film is safe from Sweding (their Rush Hour 2, in fact, is much better than the original). The problem is that outside of these scenes, the movie falls a little flat.

Lacking the snappy dialogue and emotional depth of comparable films such as High Fidelity, Be Kind Rewind relies too often on Black to carry the film. Whilst Mos Def puts in another commendable turn as the hapless video store assistant Mike, it is Black’s bounce and verve that keep us interested. Indeed, the Danny Glover subplot (in which he spies on rival big chain DVD rental stores) is, frankly, piss-poor.

Having said all of this, however, I find myself making room in my heart for this shabby but endearing little film about the transformative power of cinema. Much of the effortless style that permeates Eternal Sunshine and Science of Sleep is present (though it must be said in a far scruffier and less consistent manner), and the straightforward narrative allows one to relax and enjoy the tomfoolery on offer. It is, though, the Sweded films that make this film, and in the end, that’s more than enough for me. Sim Eckstein

CLOVERFIELD Dir: Matt Reeves Cast: Lizzy Caplan, Jessica Lucas, T.J. Miller Out Now. 88 mins

Synopsis: On the eve of his departure for Japan, Rob (Stahl-David) sees his going-away party as an opportunity to tie up some loose ends when a sudden jolt unsettles the revelry. After hearing news of an earthquake, the crowd rush to the rooftop when a fireball explodes on the distant horizon, panic ensures. Now Rob and his friends must traverse a landscape overtaken by something otherworldly, terrifying, monstrous…

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he brainchild of Hollywood über producer J.J. Abrams; Cloverfield finally broke on to UK screens this month. After a heap of hype, speculation and controversy, some questioned whether this modestly budgeted monster flick would deliver on the big screen.

Steering away from the more conventional monster movie, ‘Cloverfield’ documents the actions of a group of friends fighting for their lives amid an incomprehensible disaster, with Rob’s best friend Hud (Miller) acting as coincidental cameraman. Filming from such an amateur perspective raises obvious risks, but the camcorder POV ensures that the audience is never in control, creating an intensely realistic atmosphere of suspense and fear. Far from being difficult to watch, the first person footage is surprisingly constructive, transforming everyday environments (most memorably New York’s subway) into scenes of fright and terror.

As for the monster… it is truly the stuff of nightmares and makes Godzilla look like a whimpering, wet newt.

Tearing through lower Manhattan (where else?) with uncompromising ferocity, the creature itself provides a forbidding backdrop to humankind’s survival in the face of adversity in an ever fragile world.

Whilst memories of 9/11 are inevitably evoked, amongst all the chaos and destruction there is a genuine sense of care and respect throughout. Cinematic pleasure in its purest and most thrilling form, ‘Cloverfield’ is a fast paced, nerve shattering experience which roars the monster movie genre back into life.

Adam Woodward

“

NATIONAL TREASURE:

BOOK OF SECRETS Dir: John Turtleaub Cast: Nicolas Cage, Helen Mirren, Out Now. 122 mins

International treasure hunter Ben Gates (Cage) bounds across continents in search of the clues that will lead him to a fabled Native American city of gold, all the while trying to prove his great-great-grandfather wasn’t responsible for murder of Abraham Lincoln. Or something.

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ational Treasure 2 comes kicking and screaming on to our screens like the bigger, unplanned and dumber brother to its predecessor. Overlong, insulting to the audience’s intelligence, and just too downright preposterous, the film soon descends into a series of events more ridiculous than Nic Cage’s fast receding hairline.

Ok, maybe I’m being unfair. This is after all a Disney movie, presumably aimed at a younger market.

But even that’s not an excuse for old fashioned national stereotypes (“Cor blimey, guv” type security guards at Buckingham Palace), sloppily inserted O.C. Style melodrama and a sidekick about as funny as contracting Rabies.

The real problems are the fact that, except for perhaps one or two scenes, nothing is memorable about National Treasure 2. The dialogue is so full of needless exposition and each scene so crammed with shameless product placement that the whole thing becomes tiresome.

As my house-mate deftly pointed out, when the most adrenaline fuelled scene in an entire film involves sneaking into a library, you really have to worry. Roll on Indiana Jones IV...

The monster is truly the stuff of nightmares and makes Godzilla look like a whimpering, wet newt

”

film@gairrhydd.com /

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M O N S T E R, M O N S T E R! Last year audiences flocked to the big screen in eager anticipation of Michael Bay’s summer blockbuster Transformers. Amid all the expectation and excitement stood a short teaser trailer untitled and, most significantly, completely unknown, labelled simply by its release date alias ‘01-18-08’. In a world where entire film plots are packed in to three minute trailers, where audiences know everything about a film months before its release, Adam Woodward takes a look at a movie that seemed to arise out of thin air, the infamous CLOVERFIELD...

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ithin hours of the seemingly modest yet mesmerizing Cloverfiled trailer, fan-sites and message boards alike were buzzing with anticipation and speculation, even frame-by-frame breakdowns of the trailer began popping up across the web. Still, little was known about the film and, as the facts began drying up, the rumours became more far fetched, with only the most dedicated fans carrying on this arduous analysis.

It wasn’t until the film was finally given the title ‘Cloverfield’ that audiences’ attention was reawakened and the film began to be talked about on a wider scale. Initially used as a fake working title, along with ‘Cheese’ and ‘Slusho’, the name ‘Cloverfield’ began circulating amongst fans, who adopted it as an alias for the still untitled film.

Whilst searching for a title that ‘had nothing to do with the film but that people could easily recognise’, the realisation struck that the perfect name was already in place.

In a post 9/11 world, it seems that every major event is (if often somewhat inadvertently) captured by an ever more technologically affluent public. Director Matt Reeves has called the film ‘A monster movie for the YouTube generation’; indeed, the video sharing website acted as the ultimate source of inspiration for Cloverfield’s unique, if somewhat unorthodox filming style.

In actual fact the trailer was little more than a ‘great experiment’ for Reeves who used the opportunity to discover the most realistic way to shoot his movie. Shot and edited in

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a uniquely cinéma vérité style, a sense of realism was fundamental to the filming of Cloverfield, with the ultra-realistic first person point of view providing the films sole perspective.

Marketing for the film has been a somewhat lengthy and restrained process. Unveiling so little of the film after the opening trailer was originally not a conscious marketing decision, rather, the films secrecy became a necessary objective in securing audience interest without giving away the entire plot. By employing a relatively amateur cast, and similarly an amateur director, the selling point for the film became associated with movie mogul producer, J.J. Abrams, whose work including US television epics Lost and Alias, pitched the film for many audiences as a moviebased spin off for the former.

Abrams, however, had a very different idea in mind, the inception for which came when in Japan with his son. Whilst shopping, Abrams was taken aback by the iconic figure of Godzilla, whose recurring image seemed to symbolise Japanese popular culture. Feeling that America lacked a monster of its own, Abrams set about working on a new monster movie. Cloverfield was born. After recruiting the help of writer Drew Godard and childhood friend Matt Reeves as director, project Cloverfield tiptoed through Hollywood,

quietly but confidently creating a monster.

As for the film itself, initial figures project a massive 67% fall in box office sales from its opening week. It appears that, whilst the film secured a dedicated online fan base, mainstream audiences were never fully onboard, commercially dooming this film from the start. For those of you, like me, who have eagerly awaited its release, Cloverfield promises to be a truly unique cinematic experience, which unlike other internet marketed fan-fuelled flops (Snakes On A Plane anyone?) will be remembered for years to come.

film

e r u t u F e h T o T k c a l B With the forthcoming release of Be Kind Rewind, Sim Eckstein goes for a chat with everyone’s favourite loveable loser, Jack Black.

Jack, how did you and Michel Gondry come to work together?

I think he called me because he liked School of Rock and wanted to do something together. We had one of those Hollywood meetings and I was already an admirer of his work.

When I saw Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind I got really desperate to work with him; I was like, ‘Holy crap, a masterpiece!’ So then I guarded our personal relationship like a golden pearl - if one actually existed. I guarded the golden pearl of our friendship.

How much did Michel’s musical background influence the movie, apart from him playing the drums on the soundtrack?

He played the drums on the movie?

That's what it said on the credits, hey? I did not know that. He's a real musician, it's true; a jazz aficionado too, as you can probably tell from the movie. There's all kind of Jazz references and cameos. Real jazz greats of the past.

OK, just to settle a personal debate, how DO we pronounce Mos Def's name properly?

I say it as if you were going to say 'oh, most definitely' but took away the 't' and the 'initely.' I'm pretty sure that's the origins of that name.

I don't think that's his real name, though. I think it's…Murray?

How did you guys get on? Had you

seen much of his work?

Yeah, I was a fan of his stuff. I would say that right off the bat there was chemistry; a chemical reaction when we were in the room. Everyone would be like, ‘Whoa, what just happened?' I think we gelled pretty well.

Were you tempted to remake any of the films that cast members had been in? You obviously did King Kong, but were you tempted to do Lethal Weapon (which features …Rewind’s Danny Glover) for instance? It seems ripe with potential.

I think Michel tried to avoid it really. You know, I think it would have done that thing where, the universe stops… and there's a tear in the time/space continuum. We didn't want that to happen. We'd have taken you out within the movie. That's why we avoided Lethal Weapon and did Rush Hour instead.

Indeed. Do you consider this movie a homage to the creativity of independent cinema?

Like, ideas against big corporate filmmaking? Yeah, I mean the feeling I got from the movie was that even in the most depressed, run down parts of the world or a town, even though you wouldn't expect beautiful creative things to happen, those are the places it is most likely because people are relying on their imaginations more.

Did you see you yourself in your character at all?

Yeah, there's a lot of me in the character. I definitely feel a kinship with the haphazard life that he lives.

I feel that sometimes when I'm in this industry, I don't really belong there because I'm kind of a pig pen kid in a big industry.

Are there any of your ‘sweded’ films that you think are better than the originals?

I never saw the Rush Hour films, so I don't know if ours is better. I told Michel that I thought I should watch Rush Hour 2 to get ready to do that scene and he said 'no, don't do it'.

When I said that I didn't know what I was recreating and he said, “That does not matter, it's better this way”, I was like, “oh, alright!”

He was right. Finally, did you ever make any movies when you were a kid?

I didn't, I was more of a tape recorder kid. I did funny voices and things like that on the tape recorder.

I liked to take all the cushions from the chairs and the couches in the house and build a maze and then force my dog to run through the maze. And I would take a sleeping bag and slide down the stairs that were carpeted. Those were some of the experiments I remember. I also put cocopuffs in my butt.

Uh, any particular reason?

For comedy.

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Director...

David Lynch

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rom his early productions of short and more conceptually arty films, to his inevitable rise to prominence; audiences have become accustomed to his unequivocally ‘Lynchian’ style of filmmaking. His early career was somewhat more experimental; The Alphabet (1968) and The Grandmother (1970) showcasing his unorthodox approach to filmmaking and innate vision as a director. Since breaking into the mainstream, Lynch has managed to keep fans of new and old satisfied and has consistently maintained his appeal as a cult auteur.

Nominated for no less than 3 Academy awards for best director; Mulholland Dr. (2001), Blue Velvet (1986) and The Elephant Man (1980), and a frequent figure at the Cannes Film Festival, David Lynch’s acclaimed style of filmmaking is one which seems to appeal to a range of contemporary audiences.

Perhaps it’s his unique creativity and attention to detail which makes Lynch’s style so recognisable and well renowned, albeit more than slightly confusing. Whether it’s his use of low frequency noise and sinister, rotting environments in Eraserhead (1977) or the dream-like distorted worlds of his early 90’s television drama; Twin Peaks, it is fair to say that no one makes films quite like David Lynch.

KEY FILM: BLUE VELVET (1986) Arguably Lynch’s most famous film, Blue Velvet tells the tale of a college student who, upon returning to his home town of Lumberton, finds a severed human ear in a field of grass and becomes absorbed into the deeply disturbing underbelly of this seemingly idealistic town. However shocking and surreal this film appears on the surface, beneath the dark and often explicit plot, there lies an aesthetically gorgeous film. With vivid tones and rich colours, contrasted with dark and ominous lighting, this film is quintessential Lynch. Lynch’s film is

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meticulously laid out and although it all seems a world away, you can’t help but feel that somewhere like Lumberton really does exist, and just maybe, it’s closer to home than you might think.

MY FAVOURITE: ERASERHEAD Set in a harsh industrial wasteland, this nightmarish world is home to Henry, a simple and somewhat peculiar character whose only refuge from the inescapable noise of the surrounding factories is an apparently abandoned apartment building which he calls home. In trying to tend to his excessively angry girlfriend Mary and the mutant child which she has spawned, Henry finds little solace in this uncompromisingly bleak world. One of the most original and deeply moving films you may ever see, Lynch’s cult classic makes you sit back and question everything you thought you knew about cinema.

ONE TO MISS: DUNE (1984) Lynch’s follow up to the critically and commercially successful The Elephant Man (1980) was, to be frank, a disaster. Rubbished by critics and a financial flop, this film sees Lynch’s raw visual style struggle to cope with an over bloated and overly complex plot which although captivates in parts, on the whole, simply attempts too much. The casting and production design of the film is flawless, but no better than should be expected from a film with such a generous budget. Once described

by Lynch as “a garbage compactor” he actually forced the removal of his name from the film’s credits. For any true fan of Lynch’s work, or any fan of early 80s cult cinema for that matter, this film is still a must-see, but on the whole, fails to demonstrate the extent of Lynch’s talent as a filmmaker.

Adam Woodward

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omeone, wise or otherwise, once claimed (and I’m paraphrasing) that we put strong and admirable characters on stage to embody everything we aspire to be, to become the paradigms of noble and virtuous men. This may very well be the preference of some well-spirited people, but the vast majority of us prefer a loser. There’s nothing that the ignoble majority of us enjoy more than seeing an utter failure, someone more down in the dirt and trampled under foot than ourselves so that our own flaws and foibles become insignificant in comparison. More importantly perhaps, is watching them crawl out of the mud; the lower a character has come from the more satisfying their salvation.

HARVY PEKAR: AMERICAN SPLENDOR Harvey Pekar is and always has been a file clerk. Aspiring for so much more, he is ultimately terrified of loosing his job and stability. To make matters worse, he lives in Cleveland, a city as dreary as his terminally depressed personality.

Some salvation is reached for him by creating his seminal comic book American Splendor but even that reflects the utterly mundane nature of his grey dismal life. Left by every women he has ever been with, lost and alone, having recently been reminded of everything he could have been and never will be, Harvey stands on a run down foot bridge across a motor way and, crippled with depression, he pontificates on the ultimately tragic and unforgiving nature of life.

HERMAN BLUME. RUSHMORE Long before Bill Murray had firmly acquainted himself with the cinema going public came Rushmore in which Murray offered traces of what was to come and how his dry, numb on screen persona would develop.

Yet, to this day, the emotionally anaesthetized Herman Blume, who long ago stopped caring about his failed marriage, terminally disappointing children and receding hair-

line takes the biscuit for Murray’s most tragic role. He is Murray’s finest hour, his most dismal individual, an utterly pitiful character.

ORLANDO BLOOM: IN ANYTHING How the bloomin’ hell did this snivelling, unconvincing and unbearable wet blanket of a man become anything other than a cardboard cut out teen comedy star? Not only did he kill Ridley Scot’s Kingdom of Heaven stone dead, he also proved himself unable to play a swashbuckler of even the most minor proportions.

You can’t help but feel that after the cameras on the Black Pearl had stopped rolling and the crew had headed back to their trailers, Bill “bland” Turner would be wholly unable of satisfying the chinny Miss Knightely. Wet wet wet.

suit and utterly alone he even fails to shoot himself at point blank. An utter low. Wretched.

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE Geeks are the finest type of loser; full of idiosyncrasies, neuroticism and loneliness they tend to embody the defining qualities of loser-dum.

What’s more, they have a propensity to exist in the cruellest most dog-eat-dog world there is; the school yard. Napoleon is all these things and more, isolated and living in a community which is seemingly twenty years behind, he reigns supreme on the dance floor but is buried underfoot in the playground.

Words - Will Hitchins Images - Ben Phillips

DAN ACKROYD. TRADING PLACES There are few things better than watching a pompous, self-aggrandizing buffoon fall down from whence he came. Such is the situation of Louis Winthorpe III (Dan Ackroyd) who loses everything after having it snatched from him by Eddie Murphy. As he sinks lower and lower we begin to sympathise with this Battenberg cake of a man until he reaches the very bottom. Drenched in rainwater, clothed in a Santa’s

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music

L I S T I N G S 18/02

- 02/03 S I N G L E S

MONDAY 18th FEBRUARY I Was A Cub Scout / Rolo Tomassi / Lovvers @ Clwb

MONDAY 25th FEBRUARY Band of Horses @ Thekla Boy Kill Boy @ Clwb I

WEDNESDAY 20th FEBRUARY

TUESDAY 26th FEBRUARY Cut Copy @ Bristol Academy THURSDAY 28th FEBRUARY Duffy @ Clwb

NME Tour: The Cribs / Joe Lean & The Jing Janog Jongs etc The Mekons @ the Point THURSDAY 21st DECEMBER The Audition @ Barfly Islands @ Thekla

FRIDAY 29th FEBRUARY Gary Numan @ Bristol Academy

FRIDAY 22nd DECEMBER

SATURDAY 1st MARCH Das Wanderlust @ Barfly

Dillinger Escape Plan @ Bristol Academy SUNDAY 24th DECEMBER Hot Chip / Matthew Dear @ Bristol Academy

SUNDAY 2nd MARCH Tegan and Sara @ The Point Menomena @ Thekla Akala @ Bristol Academy

GIG PICK HOT CHIP/ MATTHEW Bristol Academy

DEAR

se wrong who ip, are back to prove tho Lovable geeks, Hot Ch ctro outfits ele y a singles band, the suggest they are merel llers, but r-fi oo fl the Dark still has the latest record Made in ming co ort pp back it up. With su this is also the consistency to ar, De ew and brilliant Matth from the equally exciting one not to be missed.

SONS AND DAUGHTERS Darling Domino

This is an energetic slice of indie pop if ever I heard one. Comprising elements of the hip-shaking girl groups of the 60’s, but also with the maverick swagger of garage bands of the same era, Darling is equally nostalgic as it is immediately striking. 8/10 JF

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NICK CAVE & THE BAD SEEDS Dig Lazarus Dig! Mute Distorted guitar, interesting lyrics, this single will not disappoint any fan of alt rock. The melody carries you, and the percussion adds an extra hit to this toe-tapping number about individual insanity in urban areas. 8/10 RW

GOLDFRAPP A&E Mute Records

I’m always conflicted when one of my favorite bands goes in a direction I don’t like, such as dance folk or whatever this is. Try as I might, I just can’t enjoy this. I want another Strict Machine. 5/10 AFT

JOHNNY FLYNN Leftovers Vertigo Records

Leftovers is the captivating new single by the inspiring and catchy Johnny Flynn. A fine record of joyous melodies, and memorable lyrics. Folk roots are combined with flowing and rich guitars to make a record of endearing charm. 9/10 GL

JOE LEAN & THE JING JANG JONG Lonely Buoy Vertigo At last, these indie buoys, who have supported the likes of the Kaisers, release their first single. A short blast of their talent is sure to instantly captivate, if the receiving ears are anything like mine. What you will remember are the superb lead vocals; and it’s hard to see how anyone could keep still to the nifty drumbeat throughout. 8/10 SB