Quench - Issue 70

QUENCH IS STUDENT M, IL F , IC S U M : E L Y T S E LIF , ARTS, N IO H S A F , S E R U T A E F SIDE BOOKS AND MORE IN

S A G E V S GLA NONE OF ID A S I IF G IN Y L E B D I' " E H T T U O B A D E S S U US WERE F CHARTS"

PLUS: GANG OF FOUR, THE ALUMINUM SHOW, AMBER DUVAL, DON LAFONTAINE

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: s t n e t n o c Issue 70

VOYEUR RANT HUW INTERVIEWS FEATURES BLIND DATE GAY FASHION TRAVEL FOOD

Amber Duval, p. 5

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A sordid den of cockjockery and crotch custard

GOING OUT ARTS BOOKS DIGITAL MUSIC FILM

04 06 07 08 12 17 18 20 24 26 28 30 32 35 39 49

Editor Hazel Plush Executive Editor Ben Bryant Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kate Budd, Lisa Evans Blind Date Emma Chapman, Sarah George Books Aisling Tempany Digital Dom Mukwamba-Sendall Fashion Meme Sgroi, Nicole Briggs Features Gillian Couch, Louise Cook Film Adam Woodward, Francesca Jarvis, Sim Eckstein Food Jenny Edwards, Jen Entecott Gay James Moore Going Out Alex Gwilliam, Kirstin Knight Huw Huw Davies Interviews Ben Marshall, Leah Eynon Music Guy Ferneyhough, Kyle Ellison, Phil Guy The Rant Andy Swidenbank Travel Andy Tweddle, Simon Lucey Head of Photography Natalia Popova Creative Consultant Sophie Pycroft printed on recycled paper. PLEASE RECYCLE

A

{Voyeur}

h, the beginning of term.

Heady days of trips to WHSmiths and Stationary Box. New diaries, blank paper, juicy pens.

Back in the bad old days of school the only things that got me through the start of term were snatched trips to buy new stationary. I’d drag my mum down the aisles of notebooks and highlighters, trying at every opportunity to convince her I needed a novelty Bagpuss ringbinder. Yeah, I already had felt tips and pencils and all the other paraphernalia that school requires, but hey, it was all old. Nothing beats the crispy pages of an empty diary, or a pencil case devoid of dirty great inkstains, and I just couldn’t get enough of the stuff. I didn’t even stop at compasses and protractors - yeah, I’d never need them, but goddammit they’d look bloody cool in my new Smarties pencil case.

Now, in my comparatively ancient twenty-first year, I can happily admit that stationary still gives me a bit of a thrill.

Ok, a lot of a thrill. Everyone’s got Apple Notebooks and Blackberries falling out of their retro Eastpack backpacks, but all those fangly bits of plastic leave me cold. Yeah, you can use them to get onto Facebook, but who needs social networking when you’ve got leather binding? What’s Hotmail to a good old fashioned biro and a thick wodge of paper?

And don’t forget the joy of the permanent marker, boldly going where no other pen can venture: glass, plastic, whatever. You name it, and those big old marker pens can scrawl all over it.

Even your sleeping housemate’s face isn’t safe from the Phil Mitchell of the stationary cupboard. There are no techy replacements for marker pen facial hair.

Chances are, though, you’re not too sure what all this fuss is about. But before you throw your Quench down in a fit of disgust, throw caution to the wind and sniff some pencils. Hey, you could even go a little wild and fondle a few glue sticks or get your sticky fingers trapped in a ringbinder. At the risk of alerting some wary security guards you could breathe the woody scent of a new book. Be still, my beating heart!

HP

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.

IN

OUT

The Manakin bird takes it to a new level...

Moonwalking birds www.youtube.com

Old-school moonwalking

Phrase du jour:

“

Tar me with your smut brush. Grr.

IS THIS YOU?

“

voyeur

You’ve won stuff! Come up to the 4th floor of the Union to collect

.

Amber Duval

......

voyeur

This issue:Amber enjoys some scandalous liasons during Freshers’ fortnight...

“

Well, my pretties, it’s that time of year again! And bless my trembling spam cake, isn’t it a fantastic time!

I’ve been down at the Union over the past fortnight, revelling in the debauchery of the revamped ‘Kitchen’ and embracing some of our newer Cardiff members into my warm folds...

During the day, however, I’ve been dodging those fruity little flyer-bearing scamps. My, they are an attractive bunch, but their persistence makes me long for my dear departed Ernie. Oh, he knew where to stick his publicity wodge!

They are, however, extraordinarily keen to guarantee my attendance at their various functions and fiestas. ‘My,’ I thought, swatting the flyers from their clammy paws, ‘these soirees must be heady affairs to attract such keen young lovelies’. I asked one muscled purveyor of publicity to convince me to attend, and as he smeared his complimentary sample of juices over my face I gladly agreed!

The club itself was a sordid den of cock-jockery and crotch custard; a truly hedonistic evening of moist revelry! All those gyrating freshers left me frothing at the loins - who knew such hedonistic joy could be had from snakebite-wielding eighteen-year-olds?!

“

Anyhoo, if you see me around over the next few weeks, be sure to give me a little wave. You could give me a poke, too; look me up for some Facebook frottage and we’ll be friends forever!

Toodle pip x

......................................... ..................................... voyeur@gairrhydd.com / 5

the rant

THE RANT: Summer of Hate '08

and Georgia, a conflict which was the very definition of unbalanced. Let's spare the details and just say it wasn't one of those interesting wars and was essentially like watching a child with a sharpened pencil versus, well, the Russian military. At least Georgia beat Russia at Beach Volleyball, eh?

If all this bloodshed got you down, then at least you flick the channel over and watch some good TV, right?

Sure, providing you were willing to sit through some of the worst commercials ever created. Lynx decided the best way to sell their deodorant was to take a smug prick and have him move his eyes about like a freaky lizard-man, presumably causing people up and down

“

06 /rant@gairrhydd.com

'Shut up and let me go'?

How about you shut up and fuck off.

“

N

ow that we've all settled in for another year of Student-dom, our pockets rich with borrowed money and our minds engaged to learning mode (yeah, right), it only seems right that we should look back over the summer and see just how shit it was. From the terrible tunes that infested our airwaves to the arguably more serious matter of Eastern European War, this year we've experienced an especially lame holiday period, to which even the Sun itself said “sod this”, and buggered off for several months. So, sit back, relax and prepare to relive the anger : Welcome to the Summer of Hate '08 review!

This summer was rampant with musical atrocities,with the horrifying Jonas Brothers unleashing their saccharine bullshit on our unsuspecting Nation, and The Ting Tings garnering a number one slot with the execrable That's Not my Name. The NME called them the 'UK's most exciting new band', which says it all really. Shut up and let me go? How about you shut up and fuck off.

The end of the summer also saw a concrete sign of the forthcoming apocalypse (more on that later) with repeat-offender-against-life Kid Rock also getting a number one with All Summer Long, proving once and for all that the general public are morons.

Meanwhile, the weather decided that actually, it was November, and that a bit of rain wouldn't hurt anybody.

No doubt the good people of Yorkshire (among others) begged to differ as they watched their sofas float out of their front doors. Anyone with any sense left the country sharpish, but those who flew with tour operator XL found themselves stranded in foreign airports earlier this month after the company went bust. I didn't get a holiday this year, so at least this gave me a laugh.

Less funny was the International ally got tu ac Smackon or m is Th down beto number one tween Russia

Worst. Summ er.

Ever?

Andy Swidenb ank investigates

the country to vomit violently over their television sets. At the same time, Confused.com's band of merry imbeciles gurned at us through our screens with their stupid 2D props. Example? The bloke with the unspeakably awful spiky hair, looming towards us with an expression that says both 'cretin' and 'pathological killer' all at the same time.

Worst of all, however, was the anthropomorphic nightmare that was the new Orangina ad. This one was a bit harder to find, but I urge anyone who hasn't seen it to type 'Orangina advert' into Youtube and click the very first link. Words simply cannot communicate how terrifying it is, and therefore all shall be said for now is 'pole-dancing squid'.

Against all odds, we survived the maelstrom of shit that faced us through out the summer months, only to find out that we were, in fact, all doomed. That's right: Switzerland, usually linked to chocolate and skiing, will from now be synonymous with 'Black-hole of death' after crazy scientists created the Large Hadron Collider in order to unlock the secret of the Higgs Boson, or 'God Particle'. The Sun, as responsible and measured as ever, went with the headline 'End of the world due in nine days' just over a week before the first switch-on.

Due to the fact that you're reading this, it's safe to assume the boffins at CERN haven't yet caused the world to eat itself, and we can rest safe. For now...

So, there it is. The summer in all it's crappy glory.

Sorry, what? Yours was actually quite good? Oh, well aren't you the lucky one. I hate you.

h B

huw

? uw

he thinks stuff

een to any lectures yet?

OK. Learnt anything yet?

Nope, thought not.

This isn’t a judgement on Cardiff University – just our memories. Why do we forget so much of what we learn?

I recently read a crossword clue about the Peloponnesian War. No problem, I thought: I studied this in the first year when I ill-advisedly took Ancient History, did a presentation on it and got a decent mark. The crossword question was pretty simple. Did I know it? Did I hell.

This isn’t some “Alcohol has killed my brain” boast or “Ooh, I’m so old” complaint (although it may unintentionally end up being both.) The fact is, I knew stuff then. Now, I don’t.

Obviously to some extent, forgetting is necessary. We only have so much brain space, I’m sure, and we probably do have to push out certain information to make space for the new, more important stuff. I bet even Stephen Fry, the man with an IQ of six digits, can’t remember how to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the recorder.

Sadly, we don’t get to decide what information exits our ears to float into the ether, never to be known again – unless, as I believe, it is sucked into a jet turbine, recycled and churned out through the air-con units above aeroplane passengers’ heads.

That’s why we feel clever when we get off a `plane. Have you ever noticed that? Clearly it’s not from reading in-flight magazines. So either I’m right or you just feel more intelligent after spending

three hours sat next to a skinhead called Carl who nurses a can of Stella, four unfortunate body piercings and a tattoo on his arm saying ‘Carl’ in case he ever forgets what his name is.

Sorry, I lost my train of thought a bit there. That’s something else that goes with the knowledge we

it is a bit concerning that I can’t say any more than “Ich heiße Huw”

once had. Suddenly every thought that enters your brain has to be relayed to someone like intellectual gold before you forget it forever.

But yeah, why can’t I remember helpful things I was taught, like the wiring of a plug, instead of an endless supply of useless, obsolete knowledge? Anyone reading this who’s known me since school – so, no one then – will know I used to have an unhealthy obsession with the UK Top 40 singles chart. The tragedy of this phase has passed, but the crap noninformation remains. I don’t even like pop music, but I can tell you

that Westlife’s first seven singles went to number one, before the ill-fated What Makes A Man was beaten to the top spot by Bob The Builder (hah).

It does lead some people to think I just have a strange sense of priorities. No, I can’t remember where I put the gas bill. Because it’s not important, that’s why. But hey, did you know Lou Bega’s follow-up to Mambo No.5 only reached number 55 in the charts?

I don’t miss some of the learning I’ve lost. I resented having to learn German at school, and I don’t regret being unable to speak it now, but it is a bit concerning that I can’t say any more than “Ich heiße Huw”. Football is fußball, I believe. I’m not sure how that random squiggle was invented – brief muscle spasm, methinks.

Much more worrying is that I learnt French for six years, got an A at GCSE and only a few years later, I can barely construct a sentence. I can tell people directions to the train station, before proudly relating the different rooms in my house, but ask me to put a simple sentence in the past, future or hypothetical past-participle conjunctivitis tense (or whatever it is) and I’ll respond with a poorlypronounced “Quoi?”

But anyway, in conclusion… what was I?…nope, it’s gone.

huw@gairrhydd.com / 07

interviews

Viva

Glasvegas

Having already achieved a number two album, critical acclaim from all quarters, and now embarking on an almost completely sold out tour, Glasvegas will soon be very much in the public consciousness. Ben Marshall meets the Glasgow miserablist quintet at the end of their biggest tour to date.

P

aul Donoghue of Glasvegas is an unassuming figure - so much so, in fact, that Quench’s photographer managed to completely miss the fact that he was part of the band. In some ways this is understandable: Donoghue looks like a thousand other young men who have grown up in deadend towns and cities the world over. That said, he also manages to embody the elegantly-wasted, toothless, vagrant-chic made popular by rapscallions such as Shane MacGowan. Sitting among bottles of Buckfast wine and Irn Bru, dressed from head to toe in black, Donoghue certainly looks a striking figure, which leads to the inevitable question about the band’s image: whether it was a conscious decision to follow the uniform of musical rebels such as Johnny Cash, or a natural evolution of the band's sound.

"It certainly wasn't a group decision to suddenly all dress in black. When we first started playing, we were all

wearing yellow converse and Hawaiian shirts, and that isn’t even a lie. It wasn’t a fucking record label telling us what to wear or any of that shit. It just seemed like a natural evolution, like you say."

Whether or not the band’s image is a concerted effort or not, they’ve certainly struck a chord with the British public. Having attained a number two album, and playing to sold out venues across the UK, Donoghue still remains stoic about their meteoric rise to prominence in the public eye.

"I’d be lying if I said none of us were fussed about the charts. We were all listening on the day. But when you're up against a band like Metallica with all those millions of dollars behind them, there’s no way a band with a debut album is going to compete."

Grossly overblown, pompous rock buffoons aside, Glasvegas unashamedly wear their influences on their sleeves, from their Spector-esque ‘Whoa-ohs’ to their Jesus And Mary Chain wall of sound effects. The band have a very traceable lineage, and

8 / interviews@gairrhydd.com

Donoghue is unashamed in admitting this.

"There’s one of our songs that uses the same melody as a Ronettes or a Chiffons song, but Spector himself took inspiration from orchestral music so it’s basically an extension of his music lineage."

For a band who have based so much of their music upon finding beauty and sorrow within vignettes of working class life, Glasvegas have been quick to distance themselves from any specific politics, and are quick to denounce people using their work for political means. In reference to an ultra-nationalist group using their song ‘Flowers And Football Tops’ as a form of pseudo-propaganda, Donoghue could not hide his rage.

"I heard about that, and it fucking disgusts me. I fucking HATE fascism.

You can be gay or black or whatever - we’re all just people. James wrote the song about racist murder, but he wrote it from the perspective of 'what would my mum feel if it happened to me'. And anyway, we’re not a politi-

interviews this wasn't planned.

"I never picked up on any of the uplifting qualities of the songs until I'd heard the final cut. Once you've had time to sit and analyse each song, there is that glorious sense to the music, but with the lyrics, it takes on a darker nature."

The band have clearly worked hard over the summer, and have no intentions of slowing down anytime soon.

However, the step up from touring the toilet circuit to gigging with indie legends like Echo & The Bunnymen has not been lost on the band, and Donoghue remarked upon the almost ludicrous nature of working in America: 'We were at this event the other week, and Danny Glover was there. I mean the actual fucking Danny Glover! It was hilarious."

That said, touring the US hasn't daunted the band in anyway.

"I spent the first few days with a sore neck because I was constantly staring up at all these buildings. But there's something about New York that I just feel comfortable with. It's

like Glasgow in that way."

Speaking of New York, Donoghue was full of praise for New York's current most popular export.

"I really do like Vampire Weekend, and it really surprised me, because I usually hate all these new fucking indie bands. But you've got to respect them for producing these perfectly crafted songs."

With that, the interview came to an all too abrupt end followed by a brief photoshoot, before I finally bid farewell to Donoghue. Before I could actually leave, however, he assured me that if I saw him and the rest of the band, I should come over and have a drink. I'm sure that I mumbled something incoherent about being too embarrassed, before he told me to "Get to fuck, man, come and have a drink!" - which I guess is the beauty of Glasvegas; the band are clearly four average, young people covering average events in the life of a young, working-class person, but in a far from average manner.

"

I heard about that, and it fucking disgusts me. I fucking HATE fascism. You can be gay or black or whatever, man - we’re all just people.

"

PHOTOS: JAKE YORATH

cal band. I mean, growing up in the rough end of Glasgow, I had plenty of other things to worry about without knowing who my fucking MP was.

I’ve never actually voted in ma life, because I spent a lot of time practically homeless."

The band are certainly going to be busy over the coming months, supporting Echo & The Bunnymen at a few enormo-gigs, and also recording a mini album at Christmas, but could not be pressed on the contents.

"I don’t even know myself! James just comes with these fully formed demos and we learn to play them.

I know it sounds a cliché, but he always says that he doesn’t write the songs; the songs usually find him.

He’ll write two or three songs a day and then go weeks sitting in front of Hogan Knows Best looking for inspiration. I'm pretty sure there’ll be at least one Christmas song, but James hasn't told us yet. We’re going to be recording it in Transylvania, and knowing James he’ll probably end up bringing Dracula back for a fucking drink, man!"

The band's rapid ascent into the public eye is in no short measure due to some electrifying appearances at festivals over the summer, which has included performances at Reading, Leeds and Glastonbury. However, their highlight of the summer was playing T In The Park.

"T In The Park was fucking amazing. We haven't played Glasgow for a couple of months now, so it really felt like a homecoming gig for us. That was a magical experience."

Nevertheless, touring must take its toll upon the band. Innumerable groups have split up over the pressures of performing night after night in different towns. Not so, according to Donoghue.

"We all love each other so much, so it doesn't ever seem to get us down. The band feels like a family, and the road crew have come to feel the same way. In fact, James's sister and his step-dad are our managers. I mean, doing something that you love with people that you love is just fucking awesome".

Although family and love are central to many of their songs, there is a certain bleak and brutal undertone to many of them also. The combination of the glorious wall of sound guitars with lyrics that are often quite negative provides an interesting duality to the band. However, Donoghue insists

interviews@gairrhydd.com / 9

interviews

OF

GANG FOUR 10 / interviews@gairrhydd.com

interviews

R

text and what our music means.

So in a way we turned our back on record production, and we did it the way that we saw it.

How do you feel about releasing new material for the first time in around fifteen years?

I have been quite busy doing my own thing: record production with young bands like the Young Knives.

But when it comes back to writing songs again, I found that I encountered the same problems, I welcome problems as it makes it interesting, but I now have more experience on how to deal with the problems.

In other words, I feel like the same person but with a few more years experience in life as a musician.

Just from working with other musicians - be it producing their work, or

So, do you think then that is why your music stood apart from other things that were going on at that time?

Yes, like when we did Entertainment! we ended up signing to Warner Brothers and going to Joe Wexler’s house for dinner.

He was one the greatest producers ever, producing people like Aretha Franklin and Bob Dylan. He was a radical producer of his day. At the time, he was producing a Bob Dylan album.

He asked us to play something from Entertainment! We then listened to the Bob Dylan record and it sounded perfectly polished, whereas ours sounded unproduced, which it was. That was kind of what made it sound good at the time.

When I listen to it now I think that it sounds awful, like somebody just hitting cardboard boxes. It's really dry, but that is part of it’s sound.It’s a strange dilemma because I have learnt how to make really exciting

ecognised as one of the most radical groups of the past 30 years for fusing together funk and dub reggae rhythms, with the white hot rage and angst of punk, Gang Of Four have influenced bands from as disparate a background as the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and The Rapture.

Leah Eynon caught up with Andy Gill of Gang Of Four at Offset Festival to discuss their past, present and future.

"

...people say things like, "It's natural for a woman to stay at home, do the housework, that’s what is natural." Well I say no, it's not natural: it’s a historical construction. whatever - you are constantly learning stuff and sometimes you don’t even realise that you are learning.

Everybody has their slight variation on ways of doing things, their own set aesthetics, the way that they go about making music and that’s how you kind of learn from everybody.

So when I come to do a song now I’m bringing not only a lot more experience to it, but also having a bigger set of tools to play with.

When we first started out, I didn’t really know what went on in a studio.

I knew when I listened to a dub reggae record that say, ‘oh that’s echo etc’. But I didn’t have the knowledge or expertise on how to apply those things myself.

Having said that, back then, Jon and I were still very determined to do things our way and not just be told how to do it by the experts. We knew that the way our music sounded would radically change both the con-

"

drum sounds, like exploding bombs and if I'd have known then what I do now it might have been different.

When we did Return The Gift, in 2005, I thought, 'Finally, this is my chance to correct those dry drum sounds.'

And yet people do say that you shouldn’t do that to a piece of music, you shouldn’t do that because Entertainment! is that perfect sound and you can't re-write it. I personally prefer the new sound to the old.

Could this be a reflection on other changing views that you had when Gang Of Four started?

For example politics, you were deemed a rather political band.

Well I don’t think that my political views have changed.

The thing with Gang Of Four and politics, was that sometimes people mistook us for being standard bearers for the left - which in a way was

a convenient tag for us. We weren’t bothered one way or the other.

Jon and I did read a lot of leftist works, people who were essentially Neo-Marxists.

What I’m saying is that the Marxism stuff is one thing that fires your imagination, one out of many. What we wanted to do was explain things as we saw them, finding the appropriate imagery.

So even though you were influenced by many things, do you think that you were just labeled as a leftist band as that is what people took you for being?

Yeah, for example, the song Natural’s Not in It, people say things like; "Its natural for a woman to stay at home, do the housework, that’s what is natural."

Well I say no, it's not natural, it’s a historical construction, the situation has been man made; It's an ideology. And once you condone that as a principle you begin to condone the things that are done by our governments. And that is what that song is about.

Your music has been influential for bands such as Red Hot Chili Peppers through to Bloc Party. Do you mind being name dropped by such artists?

Personally I don’t mind, I quite like both of those bands. However, Bloc Party weren’t so honest about liking us. When they brought out their first album, everybody was claiming that they had obviously been listening to Gang Of Four and Bloc Party said: "Who? No, we have never heard Gang Of Four." That was until recently when they admitted that they had always been big fans of Gang Of Four.

But yeah, I am a fan of them and Franz Ferdinand, although they are a bit poppy. People say that the The Futureheads are Gang Of Four-ish but I don’t think that’s true, I think that they are much more like XTC. Are there any new bands out there at the moment that you admire or are doing something different?

Like when you first started.

I quite like dubstep and the modern versions of reggae, some of that is interesting. A band called Therapy? have been playing stuff to me which is quite refreshing too.

interviews@gairrhydd.com / 11

features

Fashion, funds and faux pas In the world of the elite shopper. Gillian Couch takes a peak into the lifestyles of the rich and, actually, not famous. there. No.1: It’s on Saville Row, in a Grade II listed building. No.2: It by no means resembles a ‘shop’, so use your nose to seek it out. As odd as it sounds, the clever Abercrombie

“

Two modeltype hotties are waiting inside the entrance to open the doors for you

“

N

ow, before I begin I must make one thing quite clear: the places I am going to write about I had only before frequented online. To explore this world in reality was something rather new to me. Therefore, what I usually would have called a shopping trip, I now know is a shopping experience.

Being a very lucky goddaughter of a very generous godmother, my sister and I went to London for the day with said brilliant relative for the main purpose of finding my 21st birthday present. Under usual circumstances the prospect of a present is exciting, but as we were off to London especially and as it was to celebrate my upcoming 21st, I had an inkling that this called for extra excitement.

And I was right.

Arriving at Waterloo, we hot-footed our way to the Tube, all in heels for the occasion of course, and travelled the few stops to Piccadilly Circus. We’d already discussed our first destination, so, following my godmother, my sister and I eagerly made our way for Abercrombie and Fitch. For those of you who’ve not yet encountered Abercrombie and Fitch, there are a few things you should know before you venture

and Fitch people spray everything with their fragrances so you can smell the shop before you can see it. No.3: try not to walk straight past it, to then only have to turn around and walk back because two modeltype hotties are waiting inside the entrance to open the doors for you, and you don’t want to make out it’s your first time there. In this context, walking straight past is a faux pas

12 / features@gairrhydd.com

of epic proportions, and one that my lovely sister fell foul of. No.4: Not only does the outside look completely un-shop-like, the inside is just as unconvincing. It’s so dark you’re never quite sure where you are, and only spotlights guide you around the stately home-esque interior. Adding to the disorientation is the really, really loud dance music pumping out.

The 'models' that are employed as staff have the tasks of looking sulky, chatting together and dancing. All dressed in tiny tops, jeans and flipflops, there’s a definite sense that the criteria for Abercrombie and Fitch employees is 'sexy and gorgeous'; not the place to go if lacking in selfesteem, perhaps?

Having nearly adjusted to the light, or lack of it, I relaxed a little and wandered around looking at the lovely, although dare I say, overpriced clothing. I thought I’d got the hang of it, that is until I made the second faux pas of the day and strolled casually into the fitting rooms, quite clearly a bit lost as I’d nothing to try on. Rather an embarrassing move. Regardless, we wandered round some more before deciding we’d had enough of the dark so headed in the vague direction of the exit. After some consideration we decided not to have our photo taken with the half naked, six-pack bearing, toned fit bloke casually posing in the entrance, and left him to the gaggle of excited girls swooning over his admittedly tasty physique.

features so it’s safely in its box, except for the occasional sneaky glance.

I’ve assured my godmother that once my sister and I are well off we’ll be repaying her with trips to London’s West End, as we will with other family and friends; we’re definitely types to ‘share the wealth’.

With my gift safely in its bag (which, by the way, has leather handles… wow,) we continued with our shopping and headed to

“

Parting with cash I'd worked so hard for over the summer sent me crashing down to earth

cessfully window-shopped.

I can’t pretend that I’m not completely in awe of the kind of designer bags and shoes I’ve gradually found a longing for over the past few years, and I’d go as far as to say that I’d quite willingly wear a sack if I could accessorise with the foot and armwear of my choice. But for the time being I’m going to add them onto my list of things to get out of life: brilliant friends and family; a house to be proud of; a puppy and a kitten; a successful career; and pretty, shiny, sparkly accessories. Not much to ask for is it?

“

Post Abercrombie and Fitch, I wonder whether ogling fit blokes quite so shamelessly was a bit shallow, or whether it’s exactly Abercrombie and Fitch’s plan. Before I’m able to form any sort of conclusion, I am drawn to Bond Street where my eyes meet the glory that is Tiffany.

All thoughts of toned torsos leave my mind and are replaced with sparkly, shiny jewellery. I am quite well acquainted with the Tiffany website and I’m the proud owner of a few Tiffany pieces, but visiting the actual, real life store was entirely new to me. I tried not to be too intimidated by the well-spoken staff or the bodyguardlike doorman who welcomed us in, but you can’t help but be a bit daunted. The jewellery is unbelievable in reality, really beautiful, but also incredibly unaffordable for poor students such as my sister and I. However, being in the same room as such beautiful things does fuel my aspirations for the future. To some this may seem shallow, but I wholeheartedly believe that if you work hard, you should benefit in whatever way you choose. As for myself, I intend to benefit with nice jewellery.

Anyway, Tiffany was a feast for the eyes, as were the windows we strolled past on the way to our next stop, Louis Vuitton. Now this store was a bit of a shocker; it was surprisingly busy and each person was making quite large purchases.

It was really odd seeing real people who weren’t famous or in the public eye but yet were able to afford such lifestyles, I found myself gawping quite ungracefully. Having got our fill of Louis Vuitton, we continued on our way to the day’s main destination, and the designer I most obsess over: Mulberry.

Trying to restrain my excitement while looking around the store, we all congregate around the purses. Gently picking up the purses that took our fancy, I eventually discovered a bright raspberry coloured, leather purse named Maggie and instantly fell in love with it. At the risk of showing some pride I won’t disclose the price of my gorgeous 21st birthday present, but I will express my sheer delight of being the extremely proud new owner of a Mulberry purse. For some of you reading, this may seem somewhat ridiculous, but for others, you may appreciate the excitement that such an item can bring. To add to this, I’m saving the beauty until my actual birthday in a few weeks time,

Selfridges. Here we dribbled, metaphorically of course, over Chanel, Marc Jacobs, Christian Louboutin and more. I spent a little more than I had planned on a stunning pair of Carvela shoes for my 21st birthday party. Convinced by my godmother and sister that they’re a must have I handed over the cash. It’s at this point that I came crashing back down to earth. Parting with cash that I’d worked so hard for over the summer months made me realise that I’ve got a long way to go until I can justify the kinds of lifestyle I had glimpsed throughout the day. So I agreed with myself that the shoes were to be the only purchase of the day and so for the remainder of the trip I suc-

*read on for more lifestyle and financial advice from Features>>>

features@gairrhydd.com / 13

features

How much?!

The confessions of an

addict

Louise Cook reveals all about her addiction, how it got her that holiday, and a man who used it to sell his whole life.

To bid or not to bid. That is the question.

Ian Usher: eBay addict

life’ on eBay for a slightly disappointing £192,000. This paltry sum seems disturbingly small considering the amount of money I spend on the site while buying things for myself, so are students really justified in spending their loan money in online auctions?

My recent eBay encounters mean that my answer to this question is a loud, proud, and resounding ‘YES.’

“

I would like to announce that eBay has indeed improved my life

“

Y

es we may all have aspirations to one day be mingling with the elite in the aforementioned sparkly treasure troves of Louis Vuitton and Tiffany, but right now – for an estimated 99% of you - this isn't a feasible option.

As an archetypal university student it is much more likely that, at this time in your life, Primark, the Tesco value range and ‘a pound a pint’ offers are your true best friends, and designer items are merely there for lustful window shopping.

There is, however, a way in which this window-shopping can lose the ‘window’: through the wonderland that is eBay. In the past year I have booked a holiday, made a noticeable profit, and whiled away many an hour (or two, or three...) perusing the addictive world that is ‘the UK’s online marketplace’. Yet my experiences seem nothing compared to the British man that sold his ‘entire

In the least melodramatic way possible, and I am aware of how this may appear to verge on the ridiculous, I would like to announce that eBay has indeed improved my life. Not least because of the romantic threenight stay in Rome that it provided me with...

Last April, in the dark and dreary days of revision, I seemed to find a lot of my revision time was filled with ‘googling’ tantalising foreign shores.

One thing led to another, and what do you know, I’d booked a hotel package in Rome through eBay. And having now returned from my adventure, I can confirm that it was without a doubt, the best eBay

14 / features@gairrhydd.com

purchase. Ever. The four star hotel was in a wonderful location, within walking distance of the Vatican, the Colosseum and the many enchanting piazza’s of Rome. My boyfriend and I thoroughly enjoyed our two or three complimentary bottles of Italian Prosecco provided by the hotel, and were not once looked down on for having booked our trip through eBay (a fear of mine that I was certain would manifest itself.) To find other such bargains, simply go to eBay's travel section and take a look for yourself... I, however, must restrain myself!

For those of you who are content to stay in Cardiff, it's worth browsing the other sections for sneaky bargains. Textbooks, printers, furniture and all kinds of less useful items are up for grabs in the auctions.

Yes, sometimes you do have to wade through some truly awful stuff, but that’s part of the eBay appeal, right? Nothing can beat that bubble of excitement that forms when you stumble across a gem of an item, which morphs into sheer elation in the moment when you beat those other downright evil ‘eBayers’ who want to steal your prized possession away. Bidding wars can be alarming adrenaline-fuelled affairs. It's easy to be overcome with raw emotion in the heat of the moment, so it's a good idea to set yourself a price limit, as it's is hard to think straight when all you want in the world is to win a limited edition Gina G greatest hits CD. I can take no responsibility for the development of your loan-consuming eBay habit.

features his three-bedroom house and everything inside it, his car, motorcycle, Jet Ski, a trial run at his job and even an introduction to his friends.

I’m guessing that his friends were slightly offended when he only got £192,000 for the whole shebang.

But they shouldn’t take it to heart, as therein lies the beauty of eBay; the fact that you can find such a variety of remarkable bargains in

“

it would be a lucky person that came across a flowery beaded Lipsy dress

“

My eBay habit hasn't had an entirely negative effect on my bank balance, and over the summer I even managed to make a bob or two on a couple of dresses that I found in the dark depths of my wardrobe. As a regular supplier to my local charity shops at home, the dresses were just about to go that same way when I thought to myself that it would be a lucky person that came across a flowery beaded Lipsy dress nestling up to a stylish Roxy Quicksilver dress in a charity shop. And so my plan emerged to see what I could get for them on eBay. (I don't want to appear scrooge-like by not donating the dresses to charity, but this was at the beginning of the summer when I couldn't find a job and times were tough. Actually, that was probably the impact of having recently booked that trip to Rome.)

The dresses sold, I got my profit, and everyone was happy. Although there was a slightly humourous moment when I discovered that I had to send the Roxy dress to a small Greek Island, yet this postage turned out to be cheaper than the cost of posting within the UK, at only £1.40. The money that I made kept me going for a couple of weeks, making this eBay lark a very healthy addiction for a student.

However, my profit doesn't quite compare to that of Ian Usher, a Briton living in Australia who put his ‘entire life’ up for sale on eBay after separating from his wife.

Usher’s ‘life’ package included

one place and, moreover, that you never quite know what personal treasure you will come across next. Ok, so if you're more of a spender than a saver then maybe you should restrain yourself a little, but when approached with a little caution eBay doesn't just have to mean 'spend spend spend'. It can be the perfect addiction for the cash strapped student, as long as you stick to the tricks of the trade we've uncovered for you...

100 glow stic

ks Buy It Now pr ice: £2.69

bours

tricks of the trade > If you're looking for a particular item, use the search options to be specific. You can choose colour, size, brand, etc, and sieve out all of the riff raff. > Read the small print on any item that you want to purchase. For instance, on my trip to Rome the small print let me in on the secret that if I went during high season I would have to pay an extra 60 euros a night. Consequently, I avoided high season. > Don’t forget about delivery costs as they can really make prices mount up. > eBay shops and ‘buy it now’ items can offer great value for money. As a bonus, these sellers tend to be reputable and reliable. > Try not to bid for items until near the end of the auction. Excess bidding can just lead to the price of the item going up for no reason other than the bidders getting carried away! > Visit http://pages.ebay. co.uk/zones/studentzone. html for all the best student offers and tips. I'm going to try and stick to this section from now on, in an attempt to bypass the tempting travel offers...

Signed Neigh pics

Personalised pe

ice: Buy It Now pr £3.50

Buy It Now pr ice: £7.20

ns

Features' Favourites...

features@gairrhydd.com / 15

‘

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blind date

Summer Lovin' When you're in the heat of the summer sun with your holiday romance by your side, you can't imagine being apart. But will your romance last forever or will it turn cold now you've returned to the UK? We were the next Danny and Sandy.

At the time I was over the moon to hear that at home we lived just half an hour apart, so when I left for the airport we vowed to meet up the following week when he got back.

So when we did meet up I was shocked to realise that things were less than perfect between us.

Without our glowing tans, relaxed lifestyle and holiday atmosphere, the

“

Our holiday romance was downgraded to Facebook 'friends'.

Ouch.

during the summer I saw numerous holiday romances unfold. A main part of my job became comforting girls that waved off their holiday husbands as they left for the airport, and listening to their hopeful plans of reunions in the UK. I've since found out, however, that most of those guests didn't even get a text from their holiday romance, let alone a chance to rekindle their relationship.

Holiday romances are fun while they last but, crushingly, the last thing you'll see of them is probably a sneaky look at their holiday snaps on Facebook. Ah, sweet cynicism!

“

S

o you're sunning yourself by the pool and minding your own business when a person so gorgeous they're actually glowing struts past. After enjoying a few cheeky cocktails and a sneaky perve at them from behind your sunglasses, you pluck up the courage to talk to them. The sun is shining, you really hit it off, and before you know it you're head-over-heels in holiday-romance loe. The heady combination of sun, sea and, er... sangria make you want to spend every minute of your holiday together, so much so that your friends have forgotten that you even came away with them.

It all seems like the perfect relationship, and when it's time to board the plane you promise each other that this isn't the end. After swapping vows of undying love you trip optimistically onto the plane, planning your first email to Mr/Ms Perfect. Yeah, we've all been there, but would your relationship really work back at home?

On holiday you're looking your best in the buzzing party atmosphere, but in the UK where the sunny days and balmy nights are long gone are you and your holiday romance really well suited? Are you even suited at all?

I met 'the love of my life' in Kavos on a girls' holiday back in 2006. Everything was perfect: he was charming and gorgeous, and his group of boy-mates kept my girlfriends happy.

spark that had brought us together had fizzled out. He certainly wasn't anything like what I remembered and I don't think I was his cup of tea either. Inevitably, our holiday romance became downgraded to friends on facebook. Ouch.

I am not surprised that few holiday romances survive the transition from sunny paradise to reality in the UK, because even when you think you know someone inside out after spending day and night with each other, their traits are hidden underneath all the sun, sand and fun.

Working as a holiday rep

Next issue welcomes the return of the infamous Blind Date, where your very own love goddesses will work alongside Cupid to bring Mr Right and Ms Perfect together at last. For a free hedonistic evening of dinner, flirtation and lurve, email your details to our inbox of dreams... blinddate@gairrhydd.com / 17

gay

Young, Gifted an James Moore profiles some of the most successful and inspirational men and women to have come out of the contemporary LGBT community...

Cynthia Nixon

F

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Beth Ditto

“

She's bold. ..

She's brilliant...

“

H

ailed by NME as 2006’s coolest person in rock, Beth Ditto is the largerthan-life front woman and lead vocalist of US band, The Gossip. Ditto, is a 210 lb lesbian who refuses to use deodorant or shave stands as the epitome of non-confomity, which has helped make her the formidable musical force she is known and adored as.

The song that propelled ‘The Gossip’ into the music mainstream, 'Standing in the Way of Control' was penned by Ditto to protest against George Bush’s denial of gay marital rights in the US. She’s big. She’s bold... She’s brilliant... Rock the fuck on Ditto!

“

She's proved herself to be more than just ‘the ginger one from SATC’

“

amous for playing the sharp, sassy Miranda in the television smash that was Sex and the City, Nixon has secured many accolades for her acting talents.

Since her debut on stage at 12, she has earned critical acclaim for many of her performances, earning herself Emmys and Tonys along the path to super stardom. But Cynthia has proved herself to be more than just ‘the ginger one from SATC’. She is also a humanitarian, doing her bit to create awareness about women’s health after her own battle with breast cancer, and of course as an activist for gay rights in the USA. And to top it all off, she still found time to resurrect the ever witty and wonderful Miranda in 2008, much to the joy of gays world over who have been praying for the day when SJP and gang would dust off their Manolos and put the Sex back into the City.

Rock the fuck on!

gay

nd...Gay! Derren Brown

H

“

magician, mind-reader, illusionist, hypnotist and sex symbol

Julian MacDonald

A

“

Not bad for a boy from the Tydfil

“

rguably one of the most influential exports from Wales since coal, MacDonald has established himself as an internationally renown fashion designer.

In spite of growing up in Merthyr Tydfil, where shell suits are still considered high fashion, he has become the dresser of some of the most stylish women in the world, including the likes of Kylie Minogue, Naomi Campbell and Kelly Brook. His talent for creating captivating couture and fantastic frocks earned Macdonald the title of 2001 British Designer of the Year and 2006 saw him receive an OBE for services to fashion. Not bad for a boy from the Tydfil.

“

e has been declared the most terrifyingly engaging entertainer to ever come out of Britain. Derren Brown is a man of many talents, all of which are intended to freak the shit out of his public.

He effortlessly moves from being magician, mind-reader, illusionist, hypnotist and also, a bit of a secret sex symbol, often popping up in those ‘shouldn’t but would’ polls in womens’ magazines. Unfortunately ladies, he is gay. Even though he’s not one to shout about his private life, Brown has admitted to being a homo, having been with his partner for over a year.

gay@gairrhydd.com / 19

fashion

The New Generation

[

It’s all about exploring grown-up gentry chic this autumn, so if you suddenly find yourselves admiring Princess Anne for her fashion forwardness don’t be alarmed; designers from D&G to Alexander McQueen have all been influenced by our blue-blooded heritage.

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fashion

fashion@gairrhydd.com / 21

fashion

Men:

T

he autumn/winter catwalks showed a return to manly dressing with sturdy knitwear and strong natural fabrics. The look was military inspired- a kind-of mutated yet magnificent mix between Mr Darcy and Napoleon.

D&G showcased brass-buttons and military braiding which were cleverly teamed with slick tailored jeans or more relaxed looser trousers, giving a more contemporary feel.

Unfortunately for any Sam Sparrow-esque fashionistos still among us, a more sophisticated neutral palette

is dominating this season. Strong charcoals and navies can be mixed with neutral shades of creams, browns and whites. Try injecting colour using muted autumnal shades of maroon or russet. Also featured on the catwalks were velvet dinner jackets and waistcoats. Normally a bit hard to wear, velvet carries the danger of transforming you into Hugh Grant circa 1990, but if it's on a structured piece and teamed with strong leather accessories the effect is more 'dapper man-about-town' than clueless fop.

fashion Photographer: Katy Staplehurst Models: Greg Carter, Liv Carter, Jenna Sullivan

Women:

C

hecks, plaids and tartan are key. To update the look and prevent you from looking like a reject from the set of Miss Marple, mix and match different coloured checks. Look to Henry Holland who gave tartan a facelift by creating his very own acid yellow and turquoise patterns.

Skilful layering is essential in perfecting the heritage trend. Layer thin fabrics like silk and fine wool as it’s vital to keep the silhouette as slim as possible. Check out H&M’s new collection or Primark for reasonably priced knitwear, as although we’re trying to emanate the luxury of landed gentry, us students don’t really have the same budget Remember accessories are vital for perfecting this prim and proper trend. Experiment with gloves, hats and handbags to help anchor the haughty ladylike style. Add a silk scarf and you’ve nailed the look.

Wear it on your head (with a pinch of irony) or tied loosely around the neck.

Finally, footwear can be experimented with, as long leather riding boots, flat brogues or sky-high ankle boots all add different elements to the look.

For a contemporary twist try adding metallic leggings or sexy patent over-the-knee boots which will give a modern edge to the classic style.

travel

HOME or AWAY? Do foreign soils beckon when contemplating festivals or is it best to stay home where the standard is massively high? Simon Lucey & Andy Tweddle discuss...

Great British Festivals

24 / travel@gairrhydd.com

“

horrendous British summer, our festivals have a unique charm.

The British population, usually so conservative and proper, takes the opportunity to let its hair down in a staggering fashion, be it participating in the fancy dress, break dancing lessons or even burlesque shows.

Britain boasts what many people consider to be the greatest festival in the world: Glastonbury. Over 170,000 festival goers come from all over the globe to enjoy its cold Somerset cider, laid back atmosphere and unrivalled line up which takes place in over 1000 acres of farmland just outside the tiny village of Pilton. Michael Eavis has created a benchmark which has not been met by any festival in the world with over 1000 acts performing across the weekend on dozens of stages.

However it is not the size that makes Glastonbury so magical, it is the atmosphere. Despite Glastonbury’s size it has maintained its unique hippy character, symbolized by the healing fields and Green Peace field.

Once you arrive at Glastonbury it's impossible not to immerse yourself in the culture and release your inner dreadlocked tree-hugging hippy that we keep locked up all year round.

For those of you seeking a foreign vibe without the hassle and cost of heading abroad, WOMAD (World of Music and Dance) Festival offers the chance to get a glimpse of some of the worlds most diverse and obscure cultures in the stunning wilds of Wiltshire. If you want good music, a lively festival but are sick of what Chris Moyles and co. are

The Brits, usually so conservative and proper, take the opportunity to let their hair down

“

I

t should seem a simple choice when deciding whether to go abroad next summer for your festival shenanigans. Stunning foreign scenery, warm weather and cheap beer will seem attractive when compared with their British counterparts. Our festivals, once considered the best in the world, have become characterised by struggling through knee deep mud in Wellies that polish your toes off, paying over £3.00 for a pint of warm stale Carlsberg, and putting up with 16 year-olds high on a concoction of alcohol, Tic-Tacs and new found testosterone.

However, the British festival is far from dead. A few weeks ago, Bestival displayed why, despite the

churning out on the radio this could be the one for you. This is definitely one of the most chilled out festivals of the long summer, so don't expect any of the wild Reading or Leeds antics. There's a distinctly happy 'family' atmosphere, which you cannot help but be charmed by.

Latitude festival offers an exciting mixture of up and coming bands, along with comedians and literary displays. Sigur Rós pulled in the largest crowd and although they didn’t have a hope of achieving a sing along in their native Icelandic or own strange made up language, they stunned the crowd with a majestic set that was spellbinding from start to finish. Latitude was a stunning festival, definitely one to rival anything you could find abroad.

Although the tents were far too small, often making it impossible to catch the biggest acts, no doubt this will be rectified next year.

With the recent trend of anyone with a decent sized garden springing up a few tents and starting their own event, it's an exciting time for British festivals. What's a little bit of rain, anyway?

travel

Festing Abroad

E

xploring a foreign country is always a magnificent experience. Of course, a myriad of different experiences and energies are open up to those who visit any unfamiliar place, but there’s nowhere more bursting with energy than a festival.

The student’s dilemma of whether to use that hard earned summer cash on a festival or an alcohol filled week in the Mediterranean seems to be easier now, as we can now combine the two.

Benicassim on the Spanish coast offers possibly the best mix of holiday and festival, as by day the bleary-eyed tourists flock to the beach, and by night they witness some of the best bands on the planet.

This summer, I was lucky enough to be one of the 190,000 revellers at EXIT festival, held at Novi Sad in Serbia. Spread across four days (but with a campsite open for a week and a half in total), EXIT is, quite simply, mammoth.

The action takes place within the labyrinthine passageways of the Petrovaradin Fortress, next to the

serene Danube River. And this river is pretty much the only thing that is calm about the week you’ll spend here.

The action doesn’t start much before midnight and you’ll be lucky if you crawl back to your tent at 8am.

Getting festive in the heat was such a welcome break from plodding through the shambolic quagmires of mud and piss that Blighty’s festivals inevitably offer.

Boasting 15 stages and over 500 artists, EXIT is the perfect place to see a mix of the known with the unknown. I enjoyed seeing acts I knew (like first-night headliners N*E*R*D – I’d totally forgotten how brilliant “She Wants to Move” is) and acts that I was unaware of (like Senegalese percussion outfit Watcha Clan, who fucked shit up at the World Music Stage and got everyone to hug the ground to feel the earth’s heartbeat… seriously.)

Quite shocking and often uncomfortable, however, was the amount of drugs rolling around EXIT. Don’t get me wrong, yeah, I ain’t no fuddy duddy and I know the score at festivals, but waking up to choruses

of ‘KET-A-MINE, KET-A-MINE, KETA-MIIIIIINE!’ soon became irritating in the extreme. If you do drugs, do drugs, but – call me old fashioned – sometime it’s more decorous to keep things to yourself (and your close friends who will give you lots of drugs).

Slowly it occurred to me that, of all the standard campsite eavesdropping I treated myself to, not one overheard conversation revolved around the music we were meant to be enjoying. Instead all I really heard was ‘Mate, I’m fucked!’ or ‘Sacre Bleu! Il y’a fucked!’ or ‘Yo soy fucked, hermano!’

After my time at EXIT I got to realise that visiting a festival whilst in a foreign country introduces you not only to the culture of the hosting land, but also gives a sense of a world culture. EXIT was no exception; where else would French/Spanish scream act Manu Chao share a tent with the Eastern European Gogol Bordello boys?

Plus, flip flops beat wellies every time.

FESTIVE DATES FOR NEXT YEAR'S DIARY January 2009 – Festival Au Desert For those looking for something completely different, Festival Au Desert in Mali will definitely provide an exciting option. Set in Essakane, close to the legendary Timbuktu, it provides a celebration of largely Tuareg music, although the festival aims for more than simple entertainment. In 1996, 3000 guns were burnt publicly to signify reconciliation between the nomadic and sedentary communities of the southern Sahara.

April 2009 – Festival Imperial, Costa Rica Sponsored by Costa Rica’s national beer. Imperial, this festival is held on a racecourse close to San José. It's seen the likes of lyrical wizards Incubus, The Smashing Pumpkins and even the mighty Duran Duran.

August 2009 – Summer Sonic, Japan The Orient’s answer to Reading and Leeds, Sonic is held over two days at Osaka and Tokyo, with bands swapping locations after the first night. Hot Chip, Crystal Castles and MGMT all played this year.

August 2010 – BOOM Festival, Portugal Set against the back drop of the beautiful shores of the Idanha-a-Nova lake in Portugal’s Castelo Blanco district, biannual eco-fest BOOM describes itself as ‘a new kind of tribal gathering where varied tribes can melt with nature in a sensitive and sustainable way.’ Despite sounding a bit dry, it’s meant to be really cool and there are various art installations around the site to sketch you out after one too many fizzy drinks.

travel@gairrhydd.com / 25

Indian Summer food

In the absence of a much-deserved 'Indian Summer' in our weather systems this October, Food looks to the kitchen for a bit

of heat.

W

hen it comes to a good curry it can be tempting to err on the side of convenience and just get a takeaway, ready meal or jar. If you don't have any exotic ingredients lying around it can be tempting to stick to these old favourites, but home-made curry is a great way to cater to your exact tastes and impress your housemates...

For anyone who's ever had trouble sorting their Madras from their Masala, here are a few definitions of the most popular curry dishes - from the soothingly mild to the chilli-pepper hot: The Balti is the most recent addition to curry menus, cooked and served in a wok-like pan for slow cooking and rich flavours. It's a creative curry, featuring any combination of spices, and can be fish, meat or vegetable based.

The Kashmir is the Indian version of Sweet and Sour because it combines meat with onions, spice, and sweet fruit. Lychees, bananas or pineapple are most popular.

It's a mild curry cooked with chicken, lamb or prawns.

Any spice haters savour, the Korma is the mildest type of curry. A heady mix of herbs and spices are balanced by creamy coconut milk or yoghurt.

Curry is brilliant for experimenting with and adding different things for the perfect 'oh I just through a few things together' meal. Any of these spices easily bought at the supermarket make a tasty addition: Turmeric Cumin Paprika Coriander Garam Masala (curry powder)

Ginger paste Cardamom Seeds

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The Madras is a standard medium-to-hot curry, usually made of tomato, almond, lemon juice and hot chilli powder.

Characterised by its red colour, Rogan Josh is a spicy dish cooked with lots of chilli powder, paprika and tomato puree for colour. It is usually lamb based.

The old faithful, Tikka is made from cubes of meat marinated in a combination of yoghurt, herbs and spices.

For a Tikka Masala, meat or fish is mixed in creamy curry sauce together with fresh tomatoes to create a mild curry.

The Vindaloo is renowned for its spice and popularity with the more adventurous. It's a Goan dish and is usually made with chicken or lamb mixed with potatoes, and of course a plentiful amount of spice.

food

The Curry: Serves 4 Preparation time : 15 minutes Cooking time: 45 minutes Ingredients: - 3 diced chicken breasts - 3 cloves chopped garlic - 1 sliced onion - 1 tin of tomatoes - 250 g (half a pot) natural yoghurt - 1 tsp ground ginger, - 2 tsp curry powder - 1/2 tsp chili powder 1. In a large saucepan fry the garlic and onion and ginger for 5 minutes in cooking oil on a medium heat.

2. Add the chicken and fry for another 5 minutes.

3. Stir in tinned tomatoes, curry powder, chili powder and any other desired spices.

4. Boil for 5 minutes stirring regularly then simmer for 20 minutes on a low heat.

5. Finally pour in the yoghurt, simmer for a couple of minutes and serve with naan bread, rice and mango chutney.

The Veggie option: For a meat-free alternative, substitute the chicken for your choice of vegetables. Any of the following work well: 1 sliced red pepper 1 courgette 1 handful of mushrooms

1 diced large potato 2 chopped carrots 1 chopped mango

Just add them in 5 minutes after the garlic and onion, and fry for a further 5 minutes before adding the rest of the ingredients.

The Rice: For a simple food, rice is notorious for being difficult to cook, especially when trying to multi-task and prepare a curry at the same time. There are, however, a few tried and tested methods to make it a bit easier: - Follow the instructions. Things like 'Rinse the rice with cold water' may sound like a waste of time but doing this really helps to get rid of the stodgy, rice pudding effect.

- Cook it while the curry is simmering and requires little attention. If it's done before you're ready to eat it just cover and reheat over a low heat for a couple of minutes when you need it.

- Adding a teaspoon of turmeric powder to the water while its cooking colours the rice and adds flavour. Sultanas are also a nice addition and for really special occasions boil it with a stick of cinnamon or some saffron.

The Dessert: Serves 2 Preparation time: 10 minutes Ingredients: Mango Meringues - 2 meringue nests per person - 1 sliced mango - Cream / Ice cream / natural yoghurt.

Place the mango on the meringue, artfully or otherwise, and dollop on your chosen topping.

[

food@gairrhydd.com / 27

going out?

going out

WHAT'S HOT, AND WHAT'S NOT - YOUR GUIDE TO GOING OUT THIS AUTUM

A

s the start to a brand new uni year gets underway and that first wonderful instalment of government-loaned money lands itself in your bank account, we have a veritable plethora of tasty going out treats lined up to help you celebrate the true meaning of what being a student is all about.

We here at Going Out understand that although we may do our very best it is not possible to go to absolutely EVERY gig, party, clubnight, social, formal and soiree being thrown during the first few weeks of term. However, we wouldn't want you to miss out on one second of the things you want to see, which is why we have compiled the handy listings - PICK OF THE ISSUE -

HOSPITALITY

T

Cardiff’s best known drum'n'bass brand Aperture is set to whip up a storm in the Great Hall, when it combines with the legendary Hospital records to bring you a monster lineup on Saturday 4th. Then, to cap it all off, on Saturday 11th Radio 1’s very own Annie Mac brings her celebrated annual tour to the Union, mashing up the very best in cutting edge and upcoming dance music.

Blimey! We’ll be doing our duty and aiming to make it to most of these. Make sure to check out the next issue for the remainder of October’s events, including some very special Halloween parties indeed!

Much Love, The Going Out Team.

IN PREPARATION FOR THE FORTHCOMING DRUM'N'BASS EXTRAVAGANZA, WE TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT'S IN STORE, AND TRY TO SQUEEZE IN AS MANY CHEAP MEDICAL GAGS AS POSSIBLE... technical extraordinaire DJ Marky is set to deliver a session of his own personal brand of audio brainsurgery. Anyone who has witnessed him play before will know exactly the variety of Latin flavoured beats, deep rolling basslines and awe-inspiring turntablism to expect.

High Contrast

his weekend sees the Great Hall taken over by some of the biggest names in drum n bass, as label giant Hospital Records touches down for a dose of its fabled signature night, Hospitality. Rarely does a better prescription for a cracking Saturday night out crop up in Cardiff, so take this opportunity to scrub up and get stuck in.

Having now been in existence for over ten years, Hospital Records has long been a mainstay of the drum n bass scene. Continually staying ahead of the mainstream, the name has become synonymous with quality around the globe. Their in house club night Hospitality is equally well renowned, and its quarterly residency at London superclub Heaven is widely regarded as one of the best drum n bass nights out in the country.

With this in mind, you can imagine we’re a little bit excited at the prospect of this mighty franchise making its way to Cardiff, and the lineup they have graced us with is enough to see queues that would put the NHS to shame. Topping the bill, Brazilian

section on the page opposite. With its help we hope you will be able to navigate the complex undergrowth that is the Cardiff nightlife scene, and successfully discover that little gem you have been searching for.

During the next fortnight Cardiff plays host to some rather special events indeed. Gigwise, charttopping cockney electropop duo The Ting Tings are set to play the Great Hall on Sunday 5th October, while Mercury Music Prize-winning maestros Elbow arrive on Friday 10th. If clubbing is more your thing then there's plenty to see you right.

Thursday 2nd October sees C-Y-N-T bring the hugely popular Count and Sinden for an up close and intimate gig at Clwb Ifor Bach. Two days later

Alongside him is Cardiff’s most celebrated export (next to Charlotte Church) the ever-brilliant High Contrast. Returning to the city where he cut his teeth playing at the free

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weekly club night Enthusiasm as little as 5 years ago, he has since skyrocketed to international DJ superstardom, with a back catalogue of dancefloor anthems thicker than Grey’s Anatomy.

"HOSPITALITY IS WIDELY REGARDED AS ONE OF THE BEST DRUM N BASS NIGHTS OUT IN THE COUNTRY..."

On the night he’ll performing along with label mate Logistics, who will be showcasing material from his brand new album, and Dan Marshall, head of those lovely folks over at Aperture who have made this whole night possible. Mc talent is provided

by Wrec, Stamina and Script, while over in room two Randall, JFB and Jordan Vee will be keeping things strictly old skool.

All in all it looks set to be a top class night, and one that will doubtless require several days intensive care to recover from. Head down, take two, just don't call us in the morning...

Hospitality - Saturday 4th Oct, Union Great Hall, £15 adv.

LISTINGS 29/9/08 12/11/08 29/09 •

• •

4/10 •

• •

The Red Battle ’08, Barfly - £5 •

30/09 • •

going out

• •

The Count and Sinden

Mud (Dubstep), Undertone - £3 GIG – Dragonforce, Union Great Hall – £14 GIG – Elsid, then Hammertime (Club night), Barfly - £4 Year of the Pug (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/£3

1/10 • •

Sin Bin (Pop/Chart), Solus - £3 GIG – Cornerstone, then SkinnyGene (Club night), Barfly - £5

2/10 •

• • • •

C-Y-N-T presents The Count & Sinden (House/Electro/Techno), Clwb Ifor Bach - £10 Tell the Police the Truth (Indie/ Electro), Clwb Ifor Bach - £3 GIG – Vinny Peculiar, then Discord (Club night), Barfly - £6 Drum n Bassment (Drum n Bass), Undertone - Free Uprising Soundsystem (Reggae/Dancehall), Glo Bar - £3

•

Aperture presents Hospitality with Marky, High Contrast, London Elektricity & more (Drum n Bass), Union Great Hall - £15 OOOSynthetic (Tech House/ Techno), The Loft - £4/£5 Saturday is Undertone (House/ Electro), Undertone - £4/£5 GIG – Friendly Fires, Clwb Ifor Bach - £7/£8 Vinyl Vendettas (60’s/70’s/80’s), Clwb Ifor Bach - £5 GIG – Tragic Generation, then Flyswatter (Club night), Barfly - £4/£5

5/10 • •

GIG – The Ting Tings, Great Hall - £13.50 Living Room (Acoustic/Chill), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2

£5/£6

10/10 •

•

• •

Sumo 5th Birthday Free Party (Breaks/Electro), Clwb Ifor Bach – Free GIG – Jeremy Warmsly, then Mad4it! (Club night), Barfly £6/£7 •GIG – Elbow, Union Great Hall - £17.50 Full Fat (Hip Hop/Rock/Dance/ Funk), Undertone – Free/£4

11/10 • • •

•

Vinyl Vendettas (60’s/70’s/80’s), Clwb Ifor Bach - £5 Saturday is Undertone (House/ Electro), Undertone - £4/£5 Annie Mac Presents… feat.

Annie Mac, Fake Blood & Rico Tubbs (House/Electro), Union Great Hall - £13/£14 Flyswatter (Club night), Barfly - £4/£5

12/10 • •

6/10 •

GIG – Team Waterpolo, then Discord (Club night), Barfly -

GIG – Devil Sold His Soul, Barfly - £6/£7 Living Room (Acoustic/Chill), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2

GIG – Mark Morriss, Barfly £7/£8

7/10 • • •

Year of the Pug (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/£3 Mud (Dubstep), Undertone - £3 GIG – Midas, then Hammertime! (Club night), Barfly - £5

8/10 •

Elbow

• • • • •

GIG – One Night Only, Union Great Hall – £10.50 GIG – Wilko Johnson, then Mad4it! (Club night), Barfly - £10 Full Fat (Hip Hop/Rock/Dance/ Funk), Undertone – Free/£4 GIG – The Slowdance, Clwb Ifor Bach - £5 The Dudes Abide, Clwb Ifor Bach - £3.50/£4.50 One Mission Launch Night (Drum n Bass/Breaks/Dubstep), Glo Bar – Free/£3

Annie Mac

3/10 •

•

GIG – Sonic Boom Six, then SkinnyGene (Club night), Barfly - £8 One Mission present Skream (Dubstep), Glo Bar - £3/£5

9/10 •

• • • • •

C-Y-N-T with Monkey!Knife!Fight! DJ’s (House/Electro/Techno), Clwb Ifor Bach - £3 Tell the Police the Truth (Indie/ Electro), Clwb Ifor Bach - £3 GIG – SJM, Clwb Ifor Bach £13.50 GIG – Start Something, Union Great Hall – Drum n Bassment (Drum n Bass), Undertone – Free Uprising Soundsystem (Reggae/Dancehall), Glo Bar - £3

SNAP HAPPY?

send us your going out pics and you could get your face on these pages! goingout@gairrhydd.com

goingout@gairrhydd.com / 29

arts

STAINLESS STYL A

night of dancing metallic shapes was never going to be an uneventful evening, but Israel’s Dollbeat Productions assaulted the expectations of The New Theatre’s audiences with staggering finesse and blinding energy. Contemporary choreographer and creator Ilan Azriel’s Aluminum Show blends jaw-dropping awe with laughout-loud humour and baffling innovation.

The troupe of dancers and athletes explore the boundaries between object and human, performing futuristic movement inside silver tubes, building large constructions from inflatable pods, dancing metallic balls in streams of air, and un-selfconsciously revealing the

30 / arts@gairrhydd.com

With a troupe of metallic shapes dancing befo truly innovative and unforgetable piece of con performance’s bare functionality.

The show’s highlight is undoubtedly the headless break-dancing figures, again constructed from the silver tubes, with dancers concealed inside the surprisingly malleable forms.

In unexpected, slightly alarming moments of ‘audience participation’, the tubes actually made it out, into and over the audience, revealing their large size and light weight.

These snatched encounters with the props, the smoky fog of dry ice and the specially-composed sparse

soundtrack made for a wholly seductive and overwhelming assault on the senses.

Closer to a party than an actual performance, the show also had a profound effect on the auditorium’s atmosphere. Disbelief melted into wonder as the dance company wooed the crowd, captivating them with some of the most innovative contemporary dance Cardiff has ever witnessed.

As red lights went up on a stage of shiny silver tubes, it was hard not to feel a little, well, scared. This was

arts

Other top dance performances coming up…

The Russian Classical Ballet St David’s Hall 26 September, 7.30pm

S

traight from Moscow, the Russian Classical Ballet will be performing at Cardiff’s St David’s Hall. The show will feature excerpts from popular ballet productions including Sleeping Beauty and Esmeralda. Over 40 dancers, some of whom have toured throughout the world, will be involved in the production, which is anticipated to be an inspiring evening of classic ballet.

New Graduate Showcase Wales Millennium Centre 26 & 27 September, 9pm

H

ead to the Dance House at the Millennium Centre to see two evenings of contemporary dance from Wales' National Dance Company, ‘Diversions’. Here work by six choreographers will be performed over two nights by recently graduated Welsh dancers. The Wales-based choreographers include Sean Tuan John and Tanja Råman who will be bringing new work to the production.

LE

ore her eyes, Hazel Plush experiences a ntemporary dance at The Aluminium Show. a venture into the unknown, after all, and the bizarre futuristic design and spacey music did little to ease the ride. It was hard not to imagine the cramped, disorientating experience the dancers and athletes must endure, but any awkwardness was disguised by their controlled, fluid movements. The only clunkiness came, rather ironically, when the performers were liberated from their metallic tubes. The stripped-back revealing of the show’s working elements was a refreshing idea, but it became slightly cringe-worthy dur-

ing less smooth moments. On the whole, however, Azriel’s choreography was insightful, sensitive and invigorating in its originality. Those silver tubes are simply unforgettable, and you’ll never be able to look at kitchen foil in quite the same way ever again.

The Aluminum Show is currently on its world tour, so check the website for details: www.aluminum-show.com

Stephen Petronio Company Wales Millennium Centre 17 & 18 October, 7.30pm

C

horeographer Stephen Petronio brings his latest production to the Wales Millennium Centre this October, featuring music written by acclaimed artist Rufus Wainwright.

The collaboration with the musician will add a new dimension to his work, the piece ‘Bloom’ incorporating a choir of local young people who will perform live during the production. Expect an exciting and inspiring dance performance, with movements replicating the twists and turns of everyday life.

arts@gairrhydd.com / 31

books

Books a book a day keeps the idiots at bay

“

Diamond doesn’t challenge the reader; nor, one suspects, does she intend to

“

Over You, Lucy Diamond, Pan Macmillan

A

s we meet Josie, she is happily married with young twin boys. Glamorous Nell has travelled the world, never quite settling down, and newlyslim Lisa has a successful career and fancy London house, but none of this compares to motherhood and a loving husband, not to Josie. Her whole picturesque existence is turned upside down though when Pete, her husband of eight years, tells her that he has met someone else, and is leaving her.

I hesitate to say that not a lot happens after this, but what I mean by this is that through the book we stay mostly inside of Josie’s home, and much of this time inside her head and her heart, relating her emotions.

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Diamond writes beautifully about how we deal with betrayal, especially when it comes from those we love and trust the most.

The story itself is not complex; it is sweetly predictable; but it is written so skillfully that this simply doesn’t matter. I fell in love with the characters, especially Josie and the twins, and truly emphasised with her heartbreak. Diamond rips Josie’s soul completely bare, every feeling, and every emotion is exposed. However, rather than being depressing, the writing remains light and at times humorous, while still skillfully believable. Infidelity, and the subsequent breakdown of a marriage is a terrible, horrific thing to go through, but Diamond shows us that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel.

A nice, comfortable read, wonderfully chick-lit, but delightfully wellwritten, Diamond doesn’t challenge the reader; nor, one suspects, does she intend to; there are no surprises, but I defy you not to emphasize with Josie in some respect. I’m sure many of us has been in a similar situation, and the raw emotions that Josie experiences, the hurt, denial, desperation and fear, are described in such a way that makes it all seem very real, and very recognisable.

Overall, I must say that I was pleasantly surprised with this book; Diamond’s majestic writing style lifts it from merely chick-lit, to an exquisite must-read.

Sarah Duggan

books Blonde Roots, Bernadine Evaristo, Penguin

What I Was, Meg Rosoff, Penguin

W

hat I Was follows the exploits of a nameless male protagonist in the early 1960’s. He is a mediocre student who, after being ejected

the sugar cane fields, Doris dreams of escape and returning home to her family in England. When the opportunity presents itself, Doris runs away, risking severe punishment and changing her life irrevocably.

The novel persistently asks whether this could have happened. If Africans had set out to conquer the world first, is this really how history would have panned out? The beliefs and philosophies that underpin colonialism, slavery and racial hierarchy are quintessentially European and difficult to imagine having developed in traditional Africa, where the notions of nationalism serfdom were imported by European colonialists. However these criticisms are arbitrary and narrow-minded. Blonde Roots is immaculately written and demonstrating a knowledge of slavery, constructing a history, culture and environment, weaving in historical facts through characters, events and less than subtle puns. Evaristo’s aim for Blonde Roots was to provide a fresh and thought-provoking view on slavery, which she has most definitely achieved.

Rebecca Ganz

from various public schools, ends up at the Dickensian St. Oswald’s.

He stumbles upon a weathered beach shack and its introverted inhabitant, Finn. The text centres upon his growing adoration for, and obsession with, Finn.

Much has been made of the stylistic similarities between Rosoff’s writing and that of Ian McEwan. Though a valid observation, it retracts from the individual merit of Rosoff. She is a fantastic writer and What I Was is an almost perfect example of young-adult literature. Her writing is impressive not merely for its divine, wistful prose but for its total comprehension and restraint. She has a seemingly innate ability to convey an exact emotion, or a distinct tone within one perfect, lucid sentence.

The text is a mere 199 pages yet is utterly complete.

The story itself is far from original, being a rehash of the same comingof-age fable read, watched, and heard of countless times before, but this does not matter. Rosoff courts wonder at every literary

“

It is a mere 199 pages yet is utterly complete

“

B

londe Roots is set in an imaginary past in which Africans have colonised the world and enslaved Europeans as labourers for their vast plantations and households. Life in Europe is much like our idea of medieval England, while Africa, the United Kingdom of Great Ambossa is a mixture of traditional Africa and contemporary Europe: i.e. mud tower blocks and fashion boutiques selling trendy ‘wrappas’ (loincloths). Social relations are described as similar to how they were during the actual era of slavery: masters justify the forced labour and inhumane treatment of other races by ‘scientifically’ proving that they are developmentally inferior savages.

Evaristo tells the story of Doris, kidnapped as a child in rural England and sold into slavery. The reader is gradually introduced to her background as a domestic slave, first to Little Miracle, the spoilt daughter of Doris’ owners, then to Bwana, a wealthy and powerful landowner to whom Doris is personal assistant and secretary. Although she is lucky in her fate and is not enslaved on

turn, ensuring the story, which could so easily have surrendered to angst and banality, overwhelms a reader.

Rosoff has managed to create a novel that is greater than both the basic plot, and the generic categorisation should allow. The book seems to encourage those who read it to question not only notions of gender and class but also the paradoxical relationship between love, infatuation, and the dangers of projected desire.

What I Was is a breathtaking achievement. It is beautiful work from a truly gifted author, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Liam Dando

books@gairrhydd.com / 33

books

Books in Cardiff your guide to all things literary and local this fortnight 1 October:

10 October

•Launch of The Untogether by Jeb Loy Nichols, Chapter Arts Centre Media Room, 8.30pm.

•Lunchtime Lit: Llyfr Glas Eurig by Eurig Salisbury (Welsh

4 October:

•The Rhyme Machine (Welsh Language), The Wharf, 7.30pm.

-Michael O’Brien signing The Death of Justice: Guilty Until Proven Innocent, Watersones.

12-2pm.

5 October: •Beyond the Border: Stories and Songs of Wales, Chapter Arts Centre. Tesco Stage, Wales Millenium Centre. 1pm.

BayLit: 8-14 October 8 October:

www.academi.org/baylit

•World Poets tour Kemi’s Cafe, Craft in The Bay, 6pm. £4/£3 conc.

•Poetry Prose and Pinot Grigio Bar One, 7.30pm. £4/£3 conc.

9 October •Lunchtime Lit: Moonrise by Meirion Jordan, Borders, Free.

•Po-Lit-Ics (Welsh Language) Siambr Hywel, Ty Hywel, National Assembly For Wales, Free.

•The Big Gig and PoetryFim The Point, 7.30pm. £8/£6 conc.

Language), Borders, 1pm. Free.

11 October •Workshop: Tecstlynion (Welsh Language) The Academi Glyn Jones Centre, 10.00 am. £4/£3 conc.

•Workshop: The Creative Art of Blogging, Seligman Room, Wales Millenium Centre, 11.00am. £4/£3 conc.

•Lunchtime Lit: Twenty Thousand Saints by Fflur Dafydd Borders, 1pm. Free.

•Squads on Screen: The Premiere, Seligman Room, Wales Millenium Centre, 3pm. £3/£2 conc.

•Shocked Yet? Terra Nova, 4pm. £3/£2 conc.

•Aisle 16’s Services to Poetry The Wharf, 8pm. £8/£6 conc.

14 October •PoetryLive!

Donald Gordon Theatre, Wales Millenium Centre. 10.45am.

Limited tickets available at £14.

COMPETITION: Books have two tickets to The Big Gig and PoetryFilm on Thursday 9 October to giveaway to one reader who can answer the following question: Which PoetryLive! speaker won the English Language Wales Book of The Year 2008?

Email your answers titled COMPETITION to books@gairrhydd.com. A winner will be contacted by email on 5 October.

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digital

DIGITAL \:101101010010100010001 0011001101100110011001110110110 0110110010011000101001010101010

Let’s Make A Game....

L

oads of people love playing games and I’m sure there are a fair few of us who have often wondered ‘could I make a game myself?’ Searching the Internet you will find a lot of people who choose programming as a hobby. There are many large online communities who dedicate their time to sharing their work and helping others find their feet in programming.

Searching the web I managed to find many different sites aimed at all kinds of programming, whether it is for games consoles, PCs or Macs.

Browsing and Googling to my hearts content I found forum discussions and even articles aimed at people wondering where to start if they wish to do a certain form of programming and development. Www. planet-source-code.com seems to definitely be one of the best as an online resource for programmers of all abilities. On this website users are able to find tutorials, articles and examples of various forms of code.

If you have never tried in your life to turn your hand to programming, there are user tutorials on getting started. What makes this site approachable once you get stuck in, is that there are tutorials and guides written by other beginners and those who have just gotten to grips with programming. This often means you can find guides that will be far more comprehensible for those who have no clue about programming. Users can sign up to the site, which gives

you contact to people who are willing to help you find your way, whether it be an email or submitting code for others to check and change for you.

The site is split in to sections by different programming codes; Visual, C/C++, SQL and Java are amongst the ones listed. Once in each section there is an ‘Ask a pro’ link which takes you to discussion boards where you can indulge in any queries you may have, with the benefit of receiving more than one solution or reply.

Reading around and seeing what other users have written it certainly shows that self-taught programming is definitely in the realms of possibility given the resources and online community. With sites such as “Planet Source Code” you don’t have to learn alone and other users definitely seem more than happy to encourage those new to the game.

The 'search' is a really handy and well-utilised tool on the site; from there it is possible to choose a category, code type (article, tutorial, demo code) and ability. It makes finding resources appropriate to your level a doddle.

“Planet Source Code” is by no means the best and only website of this kind, just have a browse around Google and you will find many aimed at gaming, database and web programming. “Planet Source Code,” though, is definitely a good place to get to grips with the fundamentals of all programming. Let’s make a game. Liam Charalambous

PENDING.....

Hells Kitchen: The Video Game Wii, DS: (Ubisoft) Honestly this game will actually exist. What the hell is wrong with Ubisoft? I suppose there’s always the slim possibility of using the Wii-mote to stab Ramsay up but even so...

Alan Wake: PC, Xbox360 (Remedy) No denying it’s got a bland name.

Alan Wake sounds more like an optometrist from Sidcup than a kick ass action thriller by the same people who gave us Max Payne.

But even if it is half as good as old Max, Alan will still have a bland name.

digital@gairrhydd.com / 35

digital Star Wars: The Force Unleashed

T

o describe the Force Unleashed as ubiquitous would be a slight understatement. Presently you can walk into your favourite high street retailer and pick up a copy for the Playstation 2, Playstation 3, the Nintendo Wii, the DS, The PSP and the Xbox360. You can download a specially created iPhone version (don’t). There are countless versions for the differing brands of non fruit mobile and you can probably even play a version on Ceefax page 138 in which pressing the yellow button reveals an impressive yet blocky animation of George Lucas riding an ethereal white elephant all the way to market then leaving with all the money of some particularly gullible magpies.

Anyone with a modicum of sanity will consequently have deduced that there are only really two versions that need be considered for purchase, the one on the Playstation 3 and the one on the Xbox 360 (I played the PS3 version).

All the others are unfortunately bastardised cash-ins of a game that is itself a bastardised cash-in of a bunch of films. I like the space battles myself, and the Jawas, and Lando.

The games story bridges the gap between episode III and episode IV, and it does so in a compelling manor that handles the Star Wars mythology expertly. You play Darth Vader’s secret apprentice charged with eradicating the last of the Jedi hiding around the galaxy and that’s really all I can tell you of the story without ruining anything.

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When it boils down to it however Force Unleashed is little more than a licensed hack and slash, with a good levelling up system.

Something that wouldn’t stand it to far away from the prequel trilogy’s games that appeared on the PSX, Xbox and PS2 (and they we’re terrible). What has stood the Force Unleashed apart from previous Star Wars titles and granted it such overwhelming mass market appeal is its promise to utilise cutting edge technology to allow players full access to force powers in a completely destructive environment. I won’t touch on the technical side of this too much as it has been covered extensively everywhere, but rest assured the game looks brilliant. The differing engines implementation mean that for the most part if you force push a door it acts like a door, Stormtroopers will bounce off a walls like a real men in plastic armour would, and they’re shitting themselves and trying to grab onto anything they can on the way. It really does look spectacular. Unfortunately DMM hasn’t been applied to everything so sometimes you find your awe inspiring force powers nullified by young sycamore trees.

The levelling up system is a particular gem in the game, allowing you to specialise your player’s attributes and build your perfect Jedi. The real reason for playing this game is how the force powers function in their environment. Within half an hour of playing the game you’ll be able to flick between them decimating everything that crosses your path. I liked my force powers so invested in little else. By the

end of the game I could use them almost non stop typically I could electrocute one guy then throw another off a bridge before smashing something big like a Tie Fighter into something else like an AT-ST. It was pretty damn fun.

But the level design gets pretty repetitive, as do the boss battles which are for the most part unimaginative trial and error tests of your force powers. Puzzles too are laborious events in this respect.

You end up just trying everything until something works, often with no explanation why smashing that particular rock into that particular door busts it open and none of the others left a scratch. The targeting system also isn’t the best and often you’ll be throwing the wrong thing at the wrong guy as a result.

But the game is definitely a must for fans of the franchise and wannabe Jedi’s.

Dom Mukwamba-Sendall

digital Spore

I

n the beginning there was The Sims, and we saw that it was good. Then over millions of expansion packs we are presented with Will Wright’s magnum opus, Spore and we see that it is very good.

The God game genre has a lot of notches in its belt, with black and white and the civilisation series, but never has there been a game like Spore. A game where you sculpt life and bring a species into being from cells to death stars. It’s easy to gush about Spore’s procedural generation, but unless you are an anorak wearing game snob it’s also very easy to overlook the technical prowess of this title. Every creature you encounter will be different on your planet, let

Mercenaries 2: World in Flames

T

he first Mercenaries title stole May 2005 from me. It was an utterly brilliant boom-festival that I enjoyed thoroughly. Unfortunately its sequel is a bit of a mixed bag containing disproportionate quantities of both frustration and awe. You probably didn’t know you could quantify frustration and awe did you? Well you can. After all I just did.

To summarise the plot, there really isn’t one. A bad man in Venezuela needs to die, get out there and do it.

That’s Mercenaries 2 in a nutshell.

In all fairness the shallow story isn’t really a bad thing as everything Mercenaries 2 does seems to actively encourage comparison with 80s action movies. Right down to the stereotypical drunk Russian pilot you’ll have flying your bombing missions or the Rastafarian pirates who I suspect were voiced by someone’s culturally insensitive uncle.

The games selling point (other than featuring a story only slightly less intricate than a toddler’s drawing of his

alone on the myriad of other planets, but the real genius comes from the fact that these creatures could have been downloaded into your universe from any other players creations when they are automatically uploaded to the global Sporepedia. On top of this, the animations of the creatures are all designed through an engine that a few years ago the people at Pixar would have given Walt Disney’s frozen head on a plate to get a hold of. The movements of your creations match the size shape and bone positions of each individual, guaranteeing individuality with each creation.

Most gamers are not interested in ingenious design, or artistic player generated content, as the alarming sales of Halo attest to, and once you scrape back the nerdier points of Spore you may be left with a less than appealing package. Focusing on gameplay it’s obvious that Maxis wanted to make a space adventure and a civilisation manager but held a grudge against EA for making them make a creature controlling stage and

so phoned a lot of this evolutionary stage in. The camera is buggy, the graphics and draw distance are a little limited so you will often find yourself in the nest of a spike fisted fire daemon created by some sadist from Norwich, before you even know what has happened.

When you reach the space stage, however, the game opens up, literally.

Calling spore huge is like calling Bill Gates well off. There are thousands upon thousands of worlds, all operating, evolving and expanding in real time. Empires will rise and fall without you even knowing, making spore one of the most captivating and addictive games you will ever come across. Oh how I laughed at the social leapers who inhabit the World of Warcraft, shunning sunlight to go on raids, only to find myself up at four in the morning establishing trade routs with other empires. Spore will take a chunk of your life, which you will never want back.

Tom Baker

cat) is the unparalleled level of freedom it affords players when blowing stuff up. You can decimate anything other than the ground in Mercs 2, and you’ve access to an insanely large range of armaments with which to do it. The game features everything from tanks to tactical air strikes, all available for purchase or hijack from the differing factions who’ll be offering you work. The destruction element of the game is easily its most satisfying.

You can while away hours whimsically commandeering vehicles and making things explode ad hoc in a sandbox just short of GTA IV’s size. Somehow Pandemics engine handles it all near faultlessly, making the decimation of inhabited apartment blocks both awesome and eerily beautiful. It’s all shaping up to be a great game, until the flaws set in.

I say set in; actually they’re there from the beginning arbitrarily deciding your progress in the game. Doing well on a mission? Lets see how well you do when stuck in a burning vehicle. Need reinforcements? How about the chopper drops them into the sea? It’s beyond frustrating to see a potentially brilliant game fall flat on its face through a series of very easily corrected flaws. The A.I is terrible. Enemies are little more than running targets when you’re not in a vehicle but

when you are everyone of them turns into Vassili Zaitsev. Your comrades appear to have been recruited straight from the Suicidal cult for Vulnerable Idiots. You never really feel like your doing anything other than ticking off a list of missions, which is a real missed opportunity given the scope for playing the five differing factions off against each other. And returning to the scripting, some numpty got lazy after recording his third NPC phrase and decided that would do. As a result you’ll often hear the same witty one liner repeated by numerous characters in the space of a few minutes, something which smacks of half arsed game design.

The bizarre thing is, despite its unfathomably large number of flaws, Mercenaries 2 still manages to be quite an enjoyable game. I suppose it’s a testament to how well they managed to execute all that destruction.

It’s a bit like a Schwarzenegger movie in that respect, you know it’s wank but you enjoy watching it all the same. No one enjoys Jingle all the Way or Junior though, they’re just poop smeared on celluloid.

Dom Mukwamba-Sendall

digital@gairrhydd.com / 37

30 / arts@gairrhydd.com

music

inmusicthisweek

live:glasvegas

festivalspecial

albums:tvotr

musiceditorial newsinbrief Festivals:

(Not so) Genius:

Mercury Results:

This issue of Quench sees us running through another year in festivals, featuring reviews of four of the best events the UK (and Spain) has to offer. What should be an exciting prospect has ended up a pretty depressing experience here in the office, as we're hit with the collective realisation that we've basically pissed away our summer.

Still, Cardiff's musical horizen isn't as bleak as you might expect, Huw Stephen's Swn Festival in November has given us plenty to be getting excited about. Check out www.swnfest.com for details.

In other news, the new Itunes feature is shit. Its function is supposedly to recommend music that you might enjoy, based on info collected from your existing music library. However, so far I've found that it only serves to taunt me with B-sides that I don't own and that I then have to BUY, leaving me with either a damaged ego or a sad looking bank balance. Also, its recommendations leave a lot to be desired. Kelly Clarkson does not sound like Deerhunter no matter how many times you generate it. I suspect Jo Whiley's involvement.

Fuck this shit. Elbow? It's not even an interesting body part, never mind an interesting band.

We might as well have given the Mercury Prize to a photograph of a train station, or some other piece of unimportant crap. I can't think of a single reason why Elbow exist, except that their mere presence makes other bands more exciting.

It's not that their music is even terrible, I just don't understand how it warrants any opinions, let alone a fucking award. I'm off to listen to Johnny Foreigner and write some hate mail.

discoverlocal...

W

ell then! If there was a Busiest Band In Cardiff award, Muscle Club would be well in the reckoning! Stupid introductions aside though, Muscle Club have a busy Freshers' Week ahead: within the space of just a few days, they'll have supported Casio Kids, played with Johnny Foreigner and Dananananakroyd and shared a stage with Hot Club de Paris at Clwb.

So the good news is that we can all grab our fair slice of Muscle pie.

And this is a good thing, because

Muscle Club. Buffalo. 22.09.08

their no-nonsense approach to indie-rock is bound to get your head nodding and your feet a-tapping.

Tonight, in the first of their three shows this week, Muscle Club take to the stage and burst through a set of frantic, spiky pop punctuated with yelping when necessary. It's hardly a revolutionary formula, and if we're talking in comparative terms we'd have ourselves a reasonably uninspiring list (Buzzcocks, The Cribs, etc...).

All the same, tonight Muscle Club offer a satisfying set that is well suited to Buffalo's intimate upper

floor. Some new songs included are promising and present some interesting structures that help to develop the set a little more. Admittedly, it's not a show that's rich in diversity but nonetheless these do add depth.

With the coming exposure and clearly no shortage of material, things are definitely looking good for Muscle Club. Do we really want to see them three times in a week, though? Well not really, I wouldn't want to see any band three times in a week apart from Elbow.

music@gairrhydd.com/ 39

music

Glastonbury

Si Truss conquers car troubles and a 12ft tall Kangaroo to arrive in Somerset and take in the festival behemoth that is Glastonbury...

T

hink back four months or so, do you remember all the controversy in the lead up to this years Glastonbury festival, all the talk about poor ticket sales and debates about whether hip-hop stars are appropriate for Somerset fields? Back then it would have been fair to assume that all anyone reviewing of the festival would talk about would be Jay-Z’s performance or how slow ticket sales and the presence of hip-hop influenced the atmosphere etc. etc.

In retrospect, however, that all seems a little too mundane and trivial to be worth any real discussion. The bottom line is that while wandering around the festival’s huge site it quickly becomes clear that no one present actually cares about any of these things. In fact at one point during Sunday afternoon I find myself wandering into a small tent where Michael Eavis is taking questions from festival-goers. It is immediately apparent that even he couldn’t care less about what the critics have to say.

In the end, due to its

40 /music@gairrhydd.com

sheer size and to the complex variety of excitement offered by its myriad of weird side-shows, Glastonbury will always offer a certain kind of experience. No other festival has that to offer and for that reason alone it is a festival that I will always come back to whenever I can.

As for Jay-Z, I only caught the second half of his headlining set and it seemed pretty good. It’s just a shame, maybe, that I have nothing more opinionated I can say about him. Musically speaking, my personal highlight of the festival came courtesy of The National who delivered a note-perfect Sunday night set of all their best, tender and occasionally epic indie-rock songs while Yeasayer’s set of prog-folk-rock eclecticism sees them win a lot of new fans.

Leonard Cohen provides the main

stage crowd with the most credible and definitely the most heart-felt sing-along of the weekend with Hallelujah. Kings of Leon prove themselves to be probably the best stadium-rock band we have these days.On the same evening Franz Ferdinand turn up to play a surprise set on the relatively small Park stage and in doing so manage to remind me that they are an absolutely fantastic band.

Elsewhere it is verging on criminal that due to an unannounced set from (the massively over-rated) Last Shadow Puppets overrunning Battles (who are probably the best thing ever) have their set cut short to just 20 minutes. Also it’s a shame that hardly anyone watched Panic at the Disco’s headline set on the Other Stage. Bearing in mind that they are infinitely better at writing pop-songs than a lot of other, much more mediocre bands who drew massive crowds over the weekend (i.e. Scouting for Girls etc.)

music

Latitude

Guy Ferneyhough explores the magical woodland of Henham Park, coming across Pink Sheep, middle-class families and some top notch acts...

L

atitude has carved itself out a niche in recent years, priding itself on being more than just a music festival. Strolling around the site you stumble upon a myriad of strange wonders, from pink sheep and trannies on stilts to Ross Noble leading a fanatical procession towards the Japanese Noodle Bar. You have to negotiate giant queues of Middle-England couples trying to get their mitts on tickets for the Radio 4 tent, and millions of bloody children with dynamos who seem to happily co-exist with your usual festival demographic of hippy stoners, indie scenesters and hyperactive 16 year-olds.

On Friday afternoon I catch a few bands, but it's not until Johnny Foreigner come on that I really get into the festival spirit. Just back from what sounded like a hellish experience in Ibiza, the Birmingham band seem genuinely taken aback by the crowd's sing-a-long antics and track requests. An energetic performance is topped off by an unrehearsed version of Eyes Wide Terrified, and I have minor Goosebumps. Any small lumps on my skin though were quickly reduced after a few songs of Death Cab for Cutie.

They were

flat and riddled with sound problems. It made me hark back to their lo-fi days. Disinterested, I left and decided to take a punt on Errors instead. The Glasgow electro quartet were the antithesis of Death Cab, energetic and charming, and with the songs to boot they deserve all the hype they've been getting.

I awake from my slumber at a modest 10am and finger through my £8 oversized, overpriced programme, Wild Beasts have been top of my new-bands-to-see list and are playing the Uncut Arena. I had my doubts whether their front man could reproduce his enormous falsetto that is so magestic on Limbo, Panto. These doubts were quickly allayed and they left me wondering how they got so darn good so quick.

Next it's over to the Sunrise stage, surrounded by lush woodland, to check out new DFA signees YACHT. They're ludicrously catchy and bring with them exuberant dancing and some good oldfashioned American

positivity, which luckily for them glosses over the fact that their live show is basically a glorified karaoke. As I stroll over to the Obelisk Arena, looking for pennies on the floor, everyone else seems to be moving in the same direction; the Icelandic post-rock giants Sigur Ros are headlining tonight. Their position on the bill may have raised some eyebrows, but their extravagant performance silenced the doubters.

White confetti rained from the sky as marching bands and white orbs fill the stage in a truly bewitching and memorable set. I go to sleep happy.

I oversleep and dash over back to the Obelisk where Joanna Newsom is in full flow. I'm not the only one half-asleep, but her endearing persona and enchanting harp prove to be the perfect way to start the day. During the afternoon no one really inspires me, I get a Minstrels milkshake and catch a bit of George Pringle, but after she answers her phone mid-set I decide to boycott her. Later on The Black Lips exhibit a great deal more professionalism and deliver the sort of barnstorming set they're famous for. It's left for NYC doom-mongerers Interpol to close the festival, bathed in red light and with rain starting to fall they excel, faultlessly and magnificently.

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music

Benicassim

Michael Bateson-Hill basks in the scorching Valencia sun, eats some falafel and checks out some bands at Benicassim

A

fter pitching my tent in an un-canopied dustbowl on what can only be described as the most ridiculous camping spot in Valencia, I head down to listen to some music in a big car park. After catching the last few notes of Nada Surf I wait patiently until some blind Icelandic guy from Sigur Ros takes to the stage and attacks his guitar with a violin bow. I mean it's hard to review Sigur Ros without lapsing into stock phrases such as 'epic soundscapes' and 'glorious' but fuck it I'm going to. Their soundscapes were simultaneously epic and glorious.

Anyway after a couple more oversized cups of San Miguel I drift back to the main stage to see boy/girl duo Mates of State who have really great songs but are given the frankly unenviable task of following the Icelandic pioneers.

But it's ok because The Black Lips take to the stage a bit later to deliver their own brand of dirty flower punk to the crowd moving pop gems such as 'Bad Kids' and 'Dirty

42 / music@gairrhydd.com

Hands' to a larger stage without loosing any of their swagger or panache.

After waking up the next day in a substandard Argos teepee (which was fucking useless by the way) in the Spanish heat, the prospect of seeing the noisiest band in the world crushed up against thousands of hairy shoegazers wasn't attractive.

But after a day of mincing around in the sea all was ok and the idea of seeing Kevin Shields and his feedback wielding noiseniks was somewhat mouthwatering.

After watching a substandard Babyshambles tart about, with the bassist speaking Spanish not realizing he was performing to a largely British cultural vacuum (myself included), I get some more beer in a big cup and waited till midnight. Now I think its safe to say I and thousands of others can die happy as My Bloody Valentine launch into 'Loveless' opener 'Only Shallow' then into the whirling riff of 'When You Sleep'. After a magical hour the set culminates in the band playing a sustained chord for what seems like hours until the sound gets so loud that certain members of the

audience turn away from the stage putting their ears over their hands.

Pussies!

Anyway, with the heat really destroying our bodies, the last day kicked off. After a day of imagining myself as the British Earnest Hemmingway, sauntering around Spanish bars, buying cartooned wine I hurried back to see The National.

As ever, the Brooklyn band plays a set of gut wrenching songs (sadly nothing off the first two albums) about love, loss, the world of work and everything in between.

In fact I think their songs are as good as anything Leonard Cohen ever wrote, who today is somewhat of a disappointment; a tad too schmaltzy for my liking. But with everyone throwing their hands to heaven during 'Hallelujah' no-one's going to say otherwise.

Then I go and get some falafel, which is better than Calvin Harris.

Now for someone who usually hates 'electro' I am turned around temporarily by Justice's set, which deservingly drew one of the biggest crowds of the weekend. Then I head down to see Morrissey bash out the hits whilst punctuating his set with banter such as "do you hear that, we're being invaded by techno… techno… how intelligent!" (in regards to the invading French duo's hits), before launching into 'Death of a Disco Dancer' leaving those still standing to crawl their way back home.

music

albums albums albums albums THE STREETS Everything is Borrowed 679 Recordings

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KINGS OF LEON Only By The Night

Young Turks

4AD

anary Islander El Guincho is a one-man band set to transform the staid and somewhat pretentious world that surrounds so-called 'world music'.

His debut album Alegranza is a kaleidoscope of sounds featuring tribal rhythms, Spanish chanting, dub and just a hint of pop. Think MIA but with more of a party sensibility.

Alegranza's ferocious rhythms and pounding beats were created with dancing in mind, and combined with its celebratory atmosphere transforms your boudoir into a tropical carnival. Prez Lagarto and upcoming single Palmitos Park are undoubtedly the album highlights.

Unfortunately other songs fail to stand out and this is what ultimately lets the record down.

El Guincho is unrelenting when it comes to his beats and uses similar melodies throughout, and combined with the unintelligible Spanish lyrics (to my ignorant ears) means that after a while every song seems to meld into the next and sound the same.

It's one of those records you listen to for a bit and marvel at its craft, and maybe even have a dance to, but essentially it's a one trick pony.

Mariam Bashorun

ings of Leon released their debut album Youth and Young Manhood in just 2003, but if you'd have told me then that in 5 years time they'd have headlined Glastonbury and shot straight to number one with a song called Sex on Fire, I'd probably have laughed in your face.

It's not that Kings of Leon have ever been bad, but as cruel as it might be, they were simply unfashionable.

Nothing puts the mainstream off a band quite like a set of beards, but take a razor to them and tidy up the musicianship and all of a sudden we're left with one of the world's finest rock bands.

Fourth album Only by the Night succeeds in its simplicity. There's nothing particular clever about any of the albums 11 tracks, but the songwriting is consistently first class.

Of course, writing great songs is made considerably easier when you have Caleb Followill in front of the microphone. Placed high in the mix, his vocals underpin every move the band make, and on songs like Closer and Use Somebody they are truly special. Few things get better with age, but like fine wine, antique furniture and the Olsen Twins, Kings of Leon most certainly have.

Kyle Ellison

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7

“

Everything is Borrowed could work so much better as an EP

“

EL GUINCHO Alegranza

id you ever, as a child, hear that poem about the little girl who, when good, was very, very good but, when bad, was horrid? The same goes for Everything is Borrowed. The title track ushers things in perfectly with a catchy background sample and chilled lyrics, neatly encapsulating the album’s key themes of acceptance and moving on. So far, so good: just don’t expect it to last.

The inane choruses of Heaven for the Weather and I Love You More kick off a downward spiral which hits rock bottom on The Way of the Dodo – an anti-environmentalism track which is as excruciating as its title.

It’s a shame, really, because when Skinner gets it right, such as on the lazily unfurling On the Edge of a Cliff and the glorious closer The Escapist, he’s on top form.

It’s ironic that Skinner claims to have discarded more material than he actually put on the album, when Everything is Borrowed could work so much better as an EP. Much of the problem lies in Skinner’s attempts to tackle “serious issues”, but skip over the rubbish, and the gems are there!

What’s good about this record certainly makes it worthy of a listen or two, but it’s hard to escape the shadow of its flaws when they make up half of the tracks present: an album to make you realise the true value of the “programme” function on your CD player.

Emma Davies

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music

albums albums albums albums TV ON THE RADIO Dear Science, 4AD

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he Brooklynite's third studio album is their most accomplished work to date, and one of the most consistently awesome records you're likely to hear all year. Producer 'du jour' Dave Sitek's layers and layers of sonic density infuses Dear Science, with a depth that necessitates repeated listens. Whirls of fuzz, soaring

OF MONTREAL Skeletal Lamping Polyvinyl

S

keletal Lamping is this year's follow-up to 2007's critically acclaimed Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? though its clear almost immediately that this is an entirely different animal.

Whereas Hissing Fauna displayed straight-up pop hooks and sing-along choruses - supposedly covering the transformation of Kevin Barnes into

horns and soulful synths underpin everything that is good about this album.

This is paired with Tunde Adebimpe's vocals, which range from heartfelt falsettos and melodic chants, to speedy enunciation and primal howls. This diversity is matched by a new found ambition by the band to write a greater variety of songs, there's the tender ballad of Family Tree and sensitive electronica of Stork & Owl, and this is counterbalanced by more upbeat songs such as the angry energetic Red Dress and the first single Golden Age; a euphoric serving of dance floor funk.

Knitting more avant garde tendencies into more traditionally pop song structures seems to be all the rage amongst indie bands at the moment. But its combination of consistency, diversity and cohesiveness really sets Dear Science apart many of TVOTR's contemporaries. Whether this album is better than 2006's much lauded Return to Cookie Mountain is a question which should be left for now, instead we should savour this offering from one of America's most forward thinking bands.

Guy Ferneyhough

his glam-rock alter-ego, Georgie Fruit – Skeletal Lamping opts instead for fragmented, often bemusing song formats and lyrical content of bizarre sexual deviation. There are moments when the infectious pop of Hissing Fauna shines through, but with the disjointed nature of the album, these are short-lived.

Skeletal Lamping is near impossible to pin down. Genres are picked up and abandoned within the confines of a single track; at the flick of a switch songs can transform from psychedelic-pop freak outs to breezy surf-rock interludes or soul and funk.

It's interesting, that much is certain, but at just under an hour long, and

with 15 tracks it's absolutely exhausting. There are so many layers and styles piled together that it's difficult to establish what Skeletal Lamping actually is beneath it all. The influence of Georgie Fruit is definite, and we can only assume that this is 'his' record, so to speak. But whilst this might explain the concept behind the album a little more, it doesn't make it any more accessible or enjoyable.

Barnes must be given credit; there's no lack of innovation or inspiration here, but with an album so packed-out it's difficult to love.

Phil Guy

9

5

music@gairrhydd.com / 45

music

live live live live live live live

GLASVEGAS Barfly 22/09/08

I

think I’m supposed to hate Glasvegas. They’re overexposed, over-hyped and over here. The lead singer wears sunglasses in Barfly and sings like he’s in Trainspotting. Even the band name reeks of arrogance – however much you love Dalmarnock, you should probably admit it’s not quite got Vegas’ glamour.

The packed crowd, from 14 to 40, clearly adore them before they even come onstage. The lights go down, and Glasvegas stride on to screams of anticipation, ready to go. From the opening strains of Flowers and Football Tops to the final blast of – what else? – Daddy’s Gone, Glasvegas are absolutely mighty. For a band that have only just released their debut album, they are impressively tight, and they drench every song in reverb that shudders through the audience.

On the album itself, the trick grates a little – it’s repetitive, and quite often seems to be just there to hide some over-thought, if well-meant, lyrics. But in the tiny, cramped Barfly basement it becomes an assault, and it means Geraldine becomes the weirdly affecting anthem about a social worker

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we’ve always needed.

Go Square Go, too, transforms from a slightly empty attempt at a chant-a-long on record to a rousing celebration of, um, fucking going, I suppose. It could so easily be their Digsy’s Dinner, a throwaway track with token lyrics. But the lyrics, which are actually apparently about bullying, don’t matter. It’s the fact that absolutely everyone in the room is yelling along as if the three on the stage mean everything to them right now.

Glasvegas are not the soul of the working class. That sort of hyperbolic nonsense is best left to the weekly music magazine and Noel Gallagher. And they have their flaws, of course. Thankfully they miss out Stabbed – mixing Beethoven with a social conscience might be novel, but that doesn’t make it any good – but at least a couple of songs sound a bit generic, and you suspect that without that overwhelming reverb they’d be guitar rock by numbers.

These are just minor problems, though. They don’t play an encore, but they don’t need to. And they don’t have any songs left. But mostly they don’t need to. After the band walks off just a wail of feedback is left, and the crowd stays dutifully in place until a roadie comes over and turns the amps off. It’s the final act of a relentless night, and one thing’s for sure: you won’t see Glasvegas in Barfly again.

Jamie Dance Thunder

PETER & THE WOLF Cube Cinema, Bristol 20/09/08

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eter and the Wolf is the recording name of Texan musician Red Hunter, a man who has been more or less homeless for the last 3 years, travelling from gig to gig. A man whose forth-coming record was recorded in a condemned Canadian warehouse he’s been squatting in recently.

Although always somewhat minimal, Peter and the Wolf’s recorded material is characterised by the use of backing percussion and vocals tonight. However, Hunter plays to the intimate crowd of maybe 40 people using nothing but a ukulele, an electric guitar and his own voice without even a microphone. The result is one of the most amazingly intimate and wonderfully unique gigs I’ve ever witnessed. Backed by a projection of the bizarre 70’s cult film Holy Mountain Hunter struts on and off the Cube’s tiny stage, spending much time on his knees, occasionally joined by a female backing vocalist and sometimes using the audience to provide percussion parts. This is what all folk music should be.

Si Truss

music

live live live live live live live

PHOTO: MISSIONPHOTOGRAPHIC.COM

JONQUIL 10 Feet Tall 01/09/08

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t's pouring down outside 10 Feet Tall, and so it's little surprise that turnout for Jonquil's second leg of their Lions tour is modest. It's a great shame, because those brave enough to risk the storms are well rewarded as Jonquil perform a stirring set that deserves an audience of far greater magnitude than is present here tonight.

Following support from Great Eskimo Hoax and Wolves Of St. August, Jonquil take to the stage and bound straight into opener Sudden Sun, and 10 Feet Tall is instantly charmed.

With a humble onstage demeanour, the Oxford sextet breeze their way through a captivating set comprising of songs from current release Lions; a poignant collection of melodious, passionate folk that sounds perfectly at home in 10 Feet Tall's intimate top floor.

It's clear that this is an early date in Jonquil's tour calendar; not in terms of

precision mind you, there are certainly no cobwebs to be brushed away here. Instead, because their onstage enthusiasm and excitement to be performing is evident throughout, it's irresistible to watch. It's refreshing to see a band enjoying themselves so much on stage; something that support act Great Eskimo Hoax would do well to take note from. Jonquil have won new fans tonight, and every one of them is deserved. Phil Guy

MELVINS Barfly 10/09/08

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ou've got to give the Barfly some credit, the Melvins is one hell of a booking.

The band carries a fair amount of clout in both indie and metal circles, and their headlining slot at this winter's ATP festival probably says enough about the bands near-legendary status. Needless to say then, I'm not the only one surprised to find them setting up

to play in Cardiff's grotty Barfly; a venue more suited to plucky upcoming talent than genuine grunge royalty.

Even before they take the stage, however, one half of the Melvins have something else to take care of, that being playing in their other band and tonight's support act, Big Business. Quite appropriately, 'big' is exactly the word I'd use to describe them; their muscular bass-driven metal rattles the interior of the sold out venue.

But with this shortened support set acting as something of a sideshow, the main event tonight is undoubtedly the Melvins. And for the few people in the front three rows of the audience I'm sure this was a memorable experience, but when everyone else is left without so much as a glimpse of either drum kit you can't help but feel a little short changed. Yes it was an intimate gig, and yes the band seemed on form (even treating the crowd to a sludgy cover of The Who's My Generation), but with the Melvins live performance being something of a visual experience, I left the venue with a pang of disappointment in my heart.

Kyle Ellison

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music

Listings

singlesoftheweek

Tuesday 30th Ladyhawk @ Clwb Dragonforce @ Students Union

Wednesday 1st Hot Club De Paris @ Thekla, Bristol Cats in Paris @ Fleece, Bristol

Thursday 2nd

One Night Only @ Students Union CYNT Presents Sinden @ Clwb

Friday 3rd James Blunt @ CIA Islands @ Cooler, Bristol The Spinto Band @ Louisiana, Bristol

Saturday 4th Friendly Fires @ Clwb The Hold Steady @ Anson Rooms, Bristol

Sunday 5th The Ting Tings @ Students Union

Monday 6th Cajun Dance Party @ The Point Lykke Li @ Thekla, Bristol

Tuesday 7th Amanda Palmer @ Thekla, Bristol

Wednesday 8th Pivot @ Louisiana, Bristol

Thursday 9th Team Waterpolo @ Barfly Glam Chops@ Howard Gardess

Friday 10th Jeremy Warmsley @ Barfly Elbow @ Students Union

48 / music@gairrhydd.com

Bjork

7

Dull Flame of Desire One Little Indian

MGMT

Kids Columbia

6

Starting with Star Wars brass and with the alien presence of Anthony Hegarty, this brooding ballad from Volta, is certainly out of this world. It's not an extraordinary song, though still worth a listen. GF

Duh duh duh duhh duh duh duh duhhhhhh duhhh. Yeah this is good for about a minute, then it sort of isn't. Still, it's more exciting than elbow so they probably deserve some sort of prize. OK

Crystal Castles

ACDC

Crimewave Lovepump

8

5

Rock n' Roll Train Columbia

The perfect song to soundtrack a late night drive down a lost highway, this cut from the Canadian duos debut pulses like the heartbeat of a mouse on MDMA. NO

Choo Choo! Here comes the rock n' roll train! ACDC are back (in black) with a 'fresh' slice of riff rock to shake you all night long. It's a bit rubbish, though. AC

The Cool Kids

Cats in Paris

Mikey Rocks XL Recordings

8

Cold Products Kruger Singles Club

7

The Chicago based duo’s latest release laces fresh, contemporary rhymes over classic hip-hop beats.

Although not their finest work, this is still irresistibly cool stuff. AW

Cold products! The Kruger Singles Club is back with another hit. Hot dog! Quirky is the name of the game and Cats in Paris play it a blinder. Hurrah! CC

Hot Chip

Dananananakroyd

Hold on Remixes DFA

2

If you like Hot Chip because you like dance music that isn't incredibly repetitive you'll HATE all of these. If you never liked Hot Chip because you like repetitive dance music you'll still hate these. AT

Pink Sabbath Best Before

8

Hey, the band with the silly name released a single from their new album. As its name suggests its big, camp and wonderful. Fight pop for the masses rawr|! KE

film

film

news.rumours.conjecture.

TDK gets a re-run.

So after weeks at the top of the U.S box office, The Dark Knight was finally toppled off of the number one spot this month after hitting just short of the $520 million mark domestically. After such overwhelming success it will come as no surprise then that Warner Bros have decided to re-release the film around Christmas, smack in the middle of Oscar season. Whether this is just a last ditch attempt to sink Titanic or to give Heath Ledger a better shot at scooping a posthumous gong is questionable. One thing is for certain; it will be a fitting recognition of one of the best films of the year.

Tintin in trouble...

From LaLaland comes the frustrating news that Universal have pulled out their funding for Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson’s planned Tintin trilogy.

Filming, which was due to start later this month, has been postponed as the filmmakers search for a new financial backer begins. Although speculation may suggest that after several meetings with Paramount studios, the venture may yet go ahead as planned. However, with Spielberg and his DreamWorks partner David Geffen aiming to move the company away from Paramount, it appears that this saga is far from over.

“I'm so hungry I could eat a

“

grown man's ass

(fred simmon's) danny mcbride dishes out culinary advice in the foot fist way, reviewed p. 51

film@gairrhydd.com / 49

film

pineapple express dir: david gordan green cast: seth rogen, james franco, danny r. mcbride out now, 107 mins

*****

Synopsis: After witnessing a murder, Dale (Rogen) and his drug dealer Saul (Franco) go on the run with a huge batch of the rare and potent weed, pineapple express.

Y

ou may not have been aware of the impending release of stoner comedy Pineapple Express. Indeed, you may never have even heard of it.

For that, you are forgiven. The shock and awe publicity tactics of its bigger, brasher contemporary, Tropic Thunder, seem to have left all comedy releases this summer smouldering in its wake, reeking of A-list napalm. Fortunately, there are many among us that … ahem … love the smell of

50 / film@gairrhydd.com

napalm in morning (or anytime in September).

Ben Stiller’s star studded satire was wry and clever, if a little bloated and over thought at times; a biting dig at the self obsessed, narcissistic world of Hollywood. It was flash and expensive and brash. It had Oscar nominees. It had Tom Cruise.

Pineapple Express on the other hand, is a ridiculous stoner buddy comedy. It makes no attempts to set the world to rights, or comment on the increasing detachment of Hollywood from reality. It has no A-list stars blacking up or putting on fat suits. What it does have is a high James Franco with his thumb sticking out of his pyjama bottoms gleefully declaring “it’s like my thumb is my cock”. It is, if you will, the opposite side of the same populist comedy coin.

Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg’s follow up to 2007’s Superbad continues in much the same fashion as its forerunner. Shot using a beautiful, earthy palette by director David Gordon Green, the movie revolves around two central

characters, loveable loser Dale, and his hare-brained but profoundly naive dealer Saul as they attempt to flee having witnessed a murder, aided/burdened by their accomplice Red, a man so entirely detached from reality one wonders how he survives at all.

As with Superbad there are overtones of man-love as the pair attempt to take responsibility and move forward with their lives.

Rogen puts in the kind of performance that we have come to expect from the most unlikely leading man in Hollywood. Bumbling, perennially chuckling and surprisingly loveable, Rogen is dependably funny throughout the movie, trading quips with Franco effortlessly and holding his own during some full-on action sequences. Danny McBride as the pair’s middleman is brilliant in what is a very small role, delivering what is probably the stand out line in a movie littered with great gags. It is however, Franco that will deservedly take the plaudits for his role as the hippy drug-dealer Saul. Reuniting with Freaks and Geeks co-

film

the foot fist way

dir: jody hill cast: danny r. mcbride, mary jane bostic, ben best out now, 85 mins

****

Synopsis: A heartwarming and hilarious comedy about a small town man who owns and runs Concord TKD, a martial arts class for those seeking to keep fit, focused and above all, learn the foot fist way.

F

“

“

You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, motherfucka!

collaborator’s Rogen and Apatow, Franco appears entirely at home in the weed-fuelled world of Pineapple Express. Somehow infusing the drug dealer with genuine innocence and naivety, Saul’s often excruciatingly bizarre actions remain within the realms of possibility. He is believable as both a stoned idler whose main aim in life is to watch TV and provide for his granny, and the man driving a cop car with his foot through the windscreen in the midst of a high-speed chase. For want of a better word, Franco is awesome.

If the film’s high-octane action ending jars a little by resigning some of the film’s endearing incompetence, the sight of Rogen in his pants and jacket carrying a pyjama clad Franco out of a burning building more than makes amends. In fact, it reduced me to tears. Herein lies the genius of this heart-warming stoner comedy. It may not be clever, it may not be social commentary, but it looks beautiful and it will make you laugh your ass off.

Sim Eckstein

resh off the back of a widely acclaimed run at the Sundance Film Festival, Jody Hill’s ultra low budget directorial debut comes fully endorsed by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, who helped fund the film’s mainstream release.

Shot in just 19 days in the summer of 2006, this martial arts based comedy is both cringingly realistic and wonderfully understated, a feat that could only be achieved through such a modest production.

In his debut feature McBride, who recently loaned his talents to Pineapple Express, is superb as thirty-something Tae Kwon Do instructor Fred Simmons, whose

Brent-esque awkwardness is painfully funny. Fred’s mantra is one that he upholds at all times, his disgust of weakness evident to all those who meet him. Among his class of loyal understudies, Fred demands the utmost respect, although at times his well-intentioned wisdom is more Densei than Sensei. The life of a humble instructor of the “deadliest martial art known to man”, however, is not without its tests, and Fred’s personal battles often prove the toughest.

His wife Suzie’s (Bostic) adulterous tendencies and an intense rivalry with his all-time hero turned archnemesis Chuck ‘The Truck’ Wallace (Best); provide some of the films most cringing and genuinely moving moments.

Fine performances from a cast of relative unknowns bolster the films comedic credentials, most notably that of Chuck Wallace, a fifth degree (not that anyone’s counting) black belt of messianic status, still clinging to past-champ glory. While there is more blatant humour, it is McBride’s delivery that highlights the subtlety of a script laced with catchphrases. With cult-classic status already firmly affixed, this is one of the funniest and certainly most quotable independent comedies since Napoleon Dynamite.

Adam Woodward

film@gairrhydd.com / 51

film

dir: suroosh alvi & eddy moretti out now, 84 mins

****

Synopsis: Vice Films follow the lives of Acrassicauda, "the only heavy metal band in Baghdad" as they strive to follow their dreams whilst struggling to survive in one of the most perilous environments on earth.

T

ravelling to Baghdad at the height of the insurgency, filmmakers Suroosh Alvi & Eddy Moretti's journey begins as one of personal intrigue. They soon learn, however, that the lives of the young Iraqi metal heads is one of unimaginable anguish and trauma.

What develops from within this assumedly light-hearted documentary is quite simply one of the most powerful anti-war films of recent years. The harsh reality of life in Iraq is hopelessly bleak, but the tone of the film

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avoids focusing on this pessimism.

What emerges through interviews with the band, who incidentally speak near perfect English, is a hope which could only be sustained through a startling amount of bravery.

“

Although hugely entertaining, its climatic scene leaves the bitter taste of guilt in the mouth

“

heavy metal in baghdad

Whilst never seeking to preach, the truths spoken by the young members of Acrassicauda (Latin for ‘Scorpion’) reveal how their lives have changed since the fall of Saddam, highlighting the repercussions of living in an essentially lawless society.

Whilst at times the immediacy of

the danger facing the filmmakers feels somewhat exaggerated, the presence of heavily armed security following the crew enforces the feeling that this is extremely bold and daring filmmaking.

Amidst all this fear and chaos, however, the bands love of heavy metal music acts as a catalyst for their ability to survive in such a harsh environment. While Western culture has grown used to the freedom of musical expression, in Iraq heavy metal music is vilified to the extent that sporting long hair and a Metallica t-shirt is grounds for persecution.

This is perhaps the films greatest triumph: in portraying the lives of a surprisingly Americanised group of Iraqi men, it allows the audience to relate to a culture that is often alienated by popular western media.

Although this stunning Rockumentry is hugely entertaining, its climactic scene leaves the bitter taste of guilt in the mouth, when reflection leads the group to imagine life differently.

Sadly Acrassicauda’s future is one fraught with frustration and fear; this is a reality representative of a society desperately in need of change.

Adam Woordward

film

eden lake

dir: james watkins cast: kelly reilly, michael fassbender, jack o'connell out now, 91 mins

***

Synopsis: When hoping for a romantic getaway to a tranquil lake setting, Jenny (Reilly) and Steve (Fassbender) find themselves fighting for their lives as they are terrorised by a gang of local chavs.

rocknrolla

dir: guy ritchie cast: gerard butler, thandie newton, ludacris out now, 114 mins

***

Synopsis: Two members of the notorious Wild Bunch become indebted to connected property developer Lenny Cole, and are given a tight deadline for repayment. Meanwhile, Cole enters into a deal with a Russian billionaire, and when it inevitably goes pear-shaped his firm attempt to find those responsible.

I

t would be fair to say that Guy Ritchie's new film had “handle with care” written all over it.

After his previous two efforts that will come as no surprise, but Rocknrolla, at least, marks the turning of a corner. At best it is a return to the fast-paced, inter-weaving story lines that saw him ignite the British film scene with Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

Ritchie's move from the grim streets of East London to the plush high rises of central London gives the film a smoother edge, and it feels, in general, more grown-up. The dim pubs and caravan parks have been replaced by art galleries and country clubs and the property development angle is intriguing.

The film also benefits from a well chosen cast, including the surprisingly funny Gerard Butler, who plays One Two, and completely convincing Toby Kebbell, Lenny Cole's (Tom Wilkinson) estranged son and heroine addicted rock-star. Also, the decision to omit Jason Statham, for whatever reason, prevents the film falling into the mould of his previous efforts.

There are some genuinely funny moments amid the tangled plot, particularly in a side story played out by the “Wild Bunch” trio of One Two, Mumbles (Idris Elba) and Handsome Bob (Tom Hardy). But the best lines were reserved for the film's irrepressible anti-hero Johnny Quid (Kebbell), who is rumoured to be based on a certain Pete Doherty, but do not let that put you off.

All is not peachy though as Rocknrolla does have its flaws, particularly the rather callous signpost towards a sequel at the end. Also at 114 minutes long it does seem a bit too long, but the pacy dialogue and side stories that run simultaneously ensure it does not drag.

However, while not a masterpiece, its humour and powerful characters mean Rocknrolla is worth a watch. Scott D'Arcy

“

We all like a bit of the

good life - some the

money, some the drugs, others the sex game, the glamour, or the fame.

But a rocknrolla, oh, he's different. Why? Because

“

J

ames Watkins' debut film in the director's chair is a gritty British horror that attempts to ask questions of gang culture, whilst simultaneously scare the shit out of its audience. Obvious criticisms can be levelled at the paranoid message that lies at the films heart, yet there's no reason that you shouldn't enjoy the ride.

As a horror film in 2008 Eden Lake will win no awards for originality, yet the film is shot nicely and the more unpleasant moments deliver tense and at times excruciating viewing. Whilst the extended scenes of violence could quite possibly put some people off, for veterans of the horror genre it's refreshing to genuinely squirm through a movie that isn't mere torture pornography.

Performances from both lead characters are strong, but it's the sheer viciousness of gang leader Brett (Jack O'Connell) that stands out most clearly. This is nicely counterbalanced with the casting of more reluctant gang members, such as This Is England star Thomas Turgoose whose performance culminates in one of the films most heartbreaking moments.

Even so, despite being truly entertaining Eden Lake has its flaws; Middle class nursery school teacher and her boyfriend retreat from their comfortable suburban lifestyle only to be terrorised by gang of northern teenagers. The film hardly works to quash existing stereotypes of British culture.

But, if you've gone to see Eden Lake you probably want to see people slashing each other to bits in some woods and that's exactly what you get. A few surprises along the way make this fun for all the family, ok maybe not, but either way it's a solid debut from a promising British writer/director. Kyle Ellison

a real rocknrolla wants the fucking lot

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DON film

LAFONTAINE

In a world without a voice, one man emerged who would change cinema forever. That man was Don LaFontaine

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s c r e e n i c o n s

Y

ou might not recognise the name, you almost certainly wouldn’t recognise the face, but Don Lafontaine was the voice behind some of the highest grossing and most memorable films during an illustrious career, which spanned four decades. His distinctive, sonorous voice fast became one of the most instantly familiar in Hollywood, laying the benchmark for a new generation of voiceover actors.

His passing in September of this year was met by universal bereavement in the movie industry, a true testament to one of the most treasured characters in Hollywood.

Behind that apocalyptic voice was an amicable man whose humble lifestyle represents a modesty, which is rarely found in today’s fame fixated world. Working from a home studio for the twilight of his career, Don would spend his days recording voiceovers for movie trailers, adverts and, if a few spare minutes came his way, even personalised answer

phone messages for his adoring fans.

Don began his career in the army where he became a recording engineer for the Army Band. His big break came in 1962 when he joined a young radio producer named Floyd Peterson in producing radio commercials for “Dr. Strangelove”.

Since then he has quite literally become the voice of the movies, recording an estimated 5,000 movie trailers and around 350,000 commercials, programs and video game commercials. It is no stretch to say that this was one of the hardest working men in movie land. Quite simply, Don LaFontaine was and remains the daddy of voiceovers.

Amongst his most memorable voiceover spots, Don often placed The Elephant Man and Terminator 2 as his personal favourites. His incontrovertible gift is perhaps difficult to comprehend, but what is most apparent with his work is that his talent for writing and performing voiceovers came from more than just that unique voice.

Cinema is an art form which thrives on theatrical presentation. The cinematic experience can be truly absorbing, and is so often made that bit more special by the preceding trailers.

In changing the way film trailers were produced and viewed, Don’s legacy is ensured for many generations to come. But now, in a world without Don LaFontaine, cinema will never be the same again.

Adam Woodward

film

S

eeing Tom Cruise's turn in Tropic Thunder evolve from inspired treat to annoyingself-indulgence makes you realise there's a surprising amount of skill to the filmcameo. Be it an uncredited half a second or a scene with your name emblazonedacross it (I'm talking to you, Bowie), there's a fine line between brilliance and failure. Here's to those who got it right

ALFRED HITCHCOK - EVERYTHING HE EVER MADE (19221976) Some directors love getting in on the action in their own films (Peter Jackson's in all of his), but in cameos as well as direction, Hitch was the master. Of the 37 appearances in his 52 films, his best has to be in Lifeboat. How do you make a cameo when every scene is in a tiny boat? By appearing in a newspaper, that's how. Add to that Hitch's famous girth and the fact he's the 'Before' and 'After' man inan ad for 'Reduco Obesity Slayer' and you've got an eight-second slice of genius.

CHARLIE SHEEN - BEING JOHN MALKOVITCH (1999) One of the most underrated features of this classic is that it's about a real actor. It's not Being JohnSmith; it's Being John Malkovitch.

So having Charlie Sheen playing himself in the traditional comedy sidekick role is genuinely inspired.

And in one of his two scenes, he's really, really bald.Which is funny.

MARSHALL MCCLUHAN - ANNIE HALL (1977) Annie (Diane Keaton) and Alvy (Woody Allen) stand in queue. Manbehind them drives Alvy quietly (or not so quietly) mad, talking pompous, pretentious jibber-jabber about scholar and philosopher Marshall McLuhan. Alvy claims man knows nothing about Marshall McLuhan.

Man disagrees. Man is a lecturer.

Alvy walks off screen and fetches Marshall McLuhan. McLuhan tells

man, 'You know nothing of my work.

How you ever got to teach a course in anything is totally amazing.' Viewers rejoice.

MARK HAMILL - JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK From the sublime to the ridiculous.

This is a film that also features cameos from Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Will Ferrell and Chris Rock, but Mark Hamill? THAT'S casting.

Playing an arch-villain, he loses his giant hand in a lights abre battle.

'Not again,' complains Hamill. Brilliant. And yet the best bit is probably his introduction: 'Hey kids! It's Mark Hamill! [Applause]'

JESSICA HYNES, MARTIN FREEMAN, REECE SHEARSMITH, TAMSIN GREIG, JULIA DEAKIN AND MATT LUCAS - SHAWN OF THE DEAD If Cate Blanchett's anonymous cameo in Hot Fuzz is a nod to Wright and Pegg's film-making future, this roll call is a nod to their sitcom past.

With actors regularly turning up in their colleagues' shows, Channel 4 sitcoms have always been incestuous – watch Black Books or Spaced for a bit of spot-the-guest-star – and this blink-and-you'll-miss-it mass cameo is an homage to that. Of course, on the surface it's an allusion to an alter-narrative featuring doppelgangers of the main protagonists, but don't let that fool you.

Words - Huw Davies Illustrations - Bejamin Phillips

film@gairrhydd.com / 55

MEDIA GUARDIAN STUDENT GAZINE NOMINATED FOR THE MA ST BE OF E CATEGORY TH IN 08 20 DS AR AW

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