Quench - Issue 71

Y E L T N E B TOM F'S HOTTEST NEW DJ IS CARDIF

A

M A L A N E V E D N A | L A SIMON PEGG | NIH

30 / arts@gairrhydd.com

: s t n e t n o c Issue 71

RY OF BEST MAGAZINE IN NOMINATED FOR THE CATEGO AWARDS 2008!

THE GUARDIAN STUDENT MEDIA

VOYEUR RANT HUW INTERVIEWS FEATURES TRAVEL FASHION GAY BLIND DATE FOOD

Travel, p. 14

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“

GOING OUT

they were entangled in a deeply lustful embrace... until his hands felt a sizeable bulge in her trousers.

ARTS BOOKS DIGITAL MUSIC FILM

COVER PHOTO: Natalia Popova DESIGN: Ben Bryant / Sophie Pycroft

04 06 07 08 13 14 17 20 23 24 26 30 32 36 39 49

Editor Hazel Plush Executive Editor Ben Bryant Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kate Budd, Lisa Evans Blind Date Emma Chapman, Sarah George Books Aisling Tempany Digital Dom Mukwamba-Sendall Fashion Meme Sgroi, Nicole Briggs Features Gillian Couch, Louise Cook Film Adam Woodward, Francesca Jarvis, Sim Eckstein Food Jenny Edwards, Jen Entecott Gay James Moore Going Out Alex Gwilliam, Kirstin Knight Huw Huw Davies Interviews Ben Marshall, Leah Eynon Music Guy Ferneyhough, Kyle Ellison, Phil Guy The Rant Andy Swidenbank Travel Andy Tweddle, Simon Lucey Head of Photography Natalia Popova Creative Consultant Sophie Pycroft Proof Readers Aisling Tempany, Laurel Burn, Rich Brown, Elaine Morgan

printed on recycled paper. PLEASE RECYCLE

voyeur

I

{Voyeur}

observed some curious human behaviour at the weekend. It occurred at that charged moment between when a train pulls up and the door-opening button lights up.

Not really a defining episode, you might think, but to my train-addled brain there could have been nothing more bemusing than the awkward ritual it provoked.

The farce began with a wily man on a pushbike, who innocently placed his right hand index finger on the button.

But thirty seconds later, the stubborn piece of plastic remained unlit, and the pioneering digit still hovered expectantly.

When to admit defeat? Is it better to remain poised, finger extended, a slave to the flashing of a few LEDs? Or relax, and run the risk of losing out on the good seats? All eyes were bearing down on the little button and cold, pathetic finger, but our man chose to run with the former option. The sense of suspense was phenomenal. He held off the 30strong crowd for at least another 20 seconds, and when the lights popped on he gave a little smug sigh of satisfaction.

Ok, so maybe I was reading a bit too much into this fleeting episode, but the wretched ritual of public transport never fails to give me a giggle. Don’t make eye contact, always keep the adjacent seat empty, and never ever strike up a conversation. Unless it’s about train delays.

Once on the train, the sheer volume of people dictated the breaking of the second of these rules. I found myself in a triple decker window/ bag/stranger sandwich, hemmed in between various tangible objects and a potential sex offender reading ‘Travels with my Penis’.

Seriously.

I suspect I should be coming to some semblance of a conclusion, but it’s impossible to make sense of our public transport etiquette. Watch and you’ll see what I mean… there's the shameless preening when the windows go black, the ‘egg sandwich’ effect, avoiding the notorious snacks trolley… The mind boggles.

HP

04 / voyeur@gairrhydd.com

.

Look at this leery chap - he positively reminds me of my uncle Harry! Too good! A gashtastic 6.

This ethereal goddess is looking for a deflowering, but who would want to cavort with such a mingefaced rotbag?

I'd give this hag a measly 2. Horrible!

This ladyboy has got the right idea - saucy nurses are always winners!

Ambiguous sexuality is optional, but certainly adds a frisson of originality... 8 for schlong potential, 4 without.

Pubic head! And if that isn't a muff wig on his quivering lip I'll eat my hat! I'd give him 9 for originality, although it would be like boffing David Seaman.

Look at this hunk's tiny pistols!

It would take more than those to shoot up my frothing loins! I used to ride in nothing more than a pair of leather chaps and gallop freely over the Brecon wilds, though, so 7 points for nostalgia.

.

Amber Duval

......

voyeur

This issue:Amber persues ravishment at fancy dress parties

This week has been a fervent whirlwind of parties, and I've been engaging in a little roleplay to pass the time. I received an invitation to a charity evening of scant morals and revelry, only to be informed that it was a soiree of fancy dress!

On arriving, I chanced upon an unlikely chap dressed in the get up of a lecherous aging reverend. I was wearing my favourite Mary Queen of Scots outfit, and after a suitably thrilling pursuit he duly ravished my repentant lady-gash!

I also stumbled across a young ruffian trussed up in leather strapping, who was supposedly under the guise of a Turkish policeman. Never before had I seen such a gloriously straining gusset! The sight of his raw red nips reminded me of my dearest Ernie - how he used to love our own little fancy dress soirees! He'd oil himself up and frolic in an 18th Century suit of armour, until the chafing was too much to bear. Its plumed helmet made a wonderful sperm spitoon! His jousting rod gave me hours of sweet memories - they send illicit shivers through my loins...

Anyhoo, gaze upon the assembled fancy dress ideas for your own inspiration - I know you rampant scamps love a little dressing up, but one can never be underprepared!

Toodle pip x

“

“

Good heavens, bless my sopping merkin!

......................................... ................................... voyeur@gairrhydd.com / 05

THE RANT: Figures of H8: Part 1

“

Certain types people really of piss you off?Andy Swidenbank knows how yo u feel...

What?! You don't care about the children?!

T

his week The Rant takes a look at the kind of people who really grind our gears. These figures of 'H8' (see what I did there) are the worst of the worst, and as The Rant has no problem in perpetuating and indeed reinforcing stereotypes, there will be plenty of unfair presumptions and conjecture as to what these people are really like - without any real evidence to back it up...

The first entry in the list of people we just love to hate may seem an obvious choice, and that's because it is:

*almost none of these bundles of anger are aimed at particular people.

No. 1: Bouncers Bouncers – the scourge of students everywhere. They may not seem the most sensible group of people to piss off, but let's face it - they probably can't read anyway...

These enforcers of smart shoes appear to be almost universally loathed, but let's at least give them something – clearly they're a necessity for clubs and pubs, and sure, there are a few who are reasonably nice chaps. Here, though, we're looking at the rent-a-thug, Neanderthal-type bouncer. You know the one – cheap, Primark bought faux-designer overcoat, silly little goatee, unearned sense of importance, and most importantly, an intense, ingrained hatred of casual footwear.

These are essentially the same people that the clubs don't want coming through their doors in the first place.

Pretty much everyone has had some sort of run in with a bouncer; from a quick on-the-door refusal to being manhandled off the dance floor. But no one has come up with a rebuttal to one of these lumbering door-monkeys quite like a course-mate of mine who, when asked if he would kindly leave the club, allegedly responded in a drunken state: “that's a generous offer Mr. Banker, but I'm going to have to say no deal”. He soon found himself outside...

No. 2: Charity Workers “Not Charity Workers!” I hear you proverbially cry. Yes, bloody charity workers. Let's get one thing straight: there's no problem with people raising money for a good cause. Hell, even I've been known to chuck a few coppers in a charity box every now and again, but so help me God, if I have another excessively wacky, clipboard wielding numpty come at me looking for my bank details

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“

the rant

again, I shan't be held responsible for my actions.

It's not the fact that they're after my hard earned (read: borrowed) money or that their hemp knapsack screams hippy smugness; it's the overarching sense of false sincerity that these people use in order to corner you - “Ooh Helllooo! Oh I like your shoes! Been shopping? Nice shirt! Ah, I love that band! Now, how much do you know about starving children?”

Once they've lulled you into a false sense of a security by pretending they give a damn about your life, then comes the guilt trip - “What, you don't care about the children?” - and suddenly you're the bad guy, having to justify hoarding your precious loan to a complete stranger who suddenly can't conceal their contempt for you. Try to dispel the tension by saying you'll take a leaflet? “No”, they'll sneer, “we don't want to waste paper”.

Which basically means “piss off, Scrooge”.

No. 3: People who wear Trilbies An intensely personal item of hatred, the Trilby hat is perhaps one of the most infuriating pieces of clothing since the shellsuit. We're not talking about old men who remember wearing them on their way to the army recruitment office in 1939 – they're okay by me – it's the pretentious, 'art-pop' loving fuck-knuckles with their haircuts and ironic T-shirts that wear these pinstripe monstrosiTwat in a ties. There's literally hat no excuse to own such a piece of head-wear in this day and age, no matter what Simon Amstell wannabe Alex Zane might wear. As for the hats made of straw, don't even get me started. Take it off, you look like Worzel-fuckingGummidge.

So, there we have it. A tiny portion of the people I love to hate. Worry not though, as 'Figures of H8' will return, perhaps even with a celebrity edition: the imaginatively titled 'Celebrity Figures of H8'. Rubbish huh? Yeah, well - deal with it.

huw ?

huw

he thinks stuff

C

ardiff Students' Union, fantastic though it is, has a troubled history with the naming of its club nights. This shouldn't really come as a surprise: the club itself is called Solus. Just say that to yourself for a minute.

"Solus." Not only is that uneasily close to 'soulless' – not really a word to draw in the punters – it’s actually Latin for ‘alone’. Can you feel the party atmosphere?

Then there are the names of the club nights themselves.

None have yet reached the level of 'Solus', which must have been named by someone trying to get fired, but the form book suggests it's only a matter of time. I mean, Fat Friday? That ain’t sexy.

And so it is with trepidation that I prepare to go to Lush, the Union's new Friday night experience. I wasn't all that convinced by the title given to its previous incarnation, 'Access All Areas', which was arguably promising more than it could deliver (I know for a fact I wasn't allowed to access the cloakroom, the ladies' toilets, the DJ stand or any of the bars). But 'Lush'? That's a bit...'90s, isn't it?

Still, I suppose that's the point.

There are bars in town dedicated to the '70s (Flares), the '80s (Reflex) and a Welsh mining village circa 1840 (The Goat Major), so when your demographic is a bunch of students whose first love was the Backstreet Boys, a '90s night makes perfect sense.

It's wack, man. It's fly, dawg. It's insane, Christopher.

If, however, it's not a ‘90s night (and it's not), ‘Lush’ isn't a great name. For a start, a cosmetics chain got there first. And the only connection between them and Solus is that you can smell both from several streets away.

A nightclub's brand name should sound dirty, seedy and borderline syphilitic

‘Lush’, is of course, a Welsh saying – one I use myself. But it means 'good', and the point of club nights is for their name to sound bad; that is, wicked. 'Sin Bin', for example, is a great name for the new AU club night in Solus because it's sports-related, easy to say once you've had a few and the club will do exactly what it says on the tin: provide sin in a bin. The purpose of a nightclub's brand name is to sound dirty, seedy and borderline syphilitic.

So, with this in mind, Solus' new Friday night shindig shouldn't be called Lush, after a Welsh phrase for 'good'. It should be called Gash.

"Hey, come in the Gash." "Wow, it's rammed in the Gash tonight."

"Last thing I remember was entering the Gash." Yep, definitely an improvement.

But even the world’s bestnamed club would probably stoop to traffic light parties. These have been around since biblical times, when Joseph was stripped of his technicolour dreamcoat for sending mixed messages, and they've always confused me a bit. I just don’t see the point. It’s generally quite easy to tell from someone’s clothes what they’re looking for – you don’t need a green glowstick.

A colourblind person can see what a six-inch skirt represents.

Still, at least it’s simple. Red: you are taken. Green: you are available. Orange: you are a whore. Sorry, what is it? ‘I have a boy/girlfriend at home but I haven’t seen them in a while so try your luck’ (this is according to the posters, by the way). Where are the morals there?! Just break up with them first! Or organizers could call orange a simple ‘maybe’; then I wouldn’t have just insulted 1/3 of the clubbers reading this.

Anyway, I'm sure Lush is a good night out and hell, I'm still looking forward to it. I've had many a good night in Solus. It may be a hole, but it's our hole and compared to many students' union bars, it's a Carlsberg ad.

Who cares if it has the worst name for a club EVER? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. And thanks to the smoking ban, a club by any name will smell of alcohol and stale piss.

Love it.

huw@gairrhydd.com / 07

interviews

Radio 1's

l a Nih

Even when not presenting his new show on Radio 1, Nihal loves to talk. A lot. Ben Marshall tracked him down to chat journalism, exes and polar bears... and had trouble getting him to shut up.

08/ interviews@gairrhydd.com

interviews

R

adio 1 DJ, Club Promoter and all-round good egg Nihal Arthanayake is quite the renaissance man. Between his work on his two different radio shows and his countless guest spots on various other media outlets, he also found time to be part of the cultural ambassadors team that represented the London 2012 Olympic bid. Ben Marshall caught up with Nihal to discuss Kanye West's shortcomings, Richard Park's sports habits and polar bears with lasers instead of eyes.

Probably that I’m really messy.

Maybe that I love music too much.

My wife is always complaining that I’m leaving my CDs all around the house.

Speaking of music, what are you listening too at the moment?

MGMT’s new album is brilliant, I’ve been listening to it in my car. I’ve really enjoyed 'We Are Scientists’

Oh man, the best thing is that I don’t have to get up as early, and there are certainly more listeners. It’s also a lot more surreal; we’ve got this amazing producer who had a month-long show at the Edinburgh fringe and he really injects this whole new level of surrealism to the whole affair. I love it.

You’re probably most known for your show with Bobby Friction, so how is this show different?

Well, my show with Bobby was obviously a specialist show, dealing with Asian music, whereas this new one is a daytime show and is mainstream. Before we were just tucked away in the evenings with about 150,000 listeners, but with my new show there’s about 1.8 million, so it’s a step up.

You’ve had experience in both music journalism and PR. Have you got any advice for any young budding journalists?

I’ve always found that the best interviews use more unorthodox questions, not weird for weird’s sake, but a bit more offbeat. For example, I recently interviewed Kanye West and Mark Wahlberg, and asked them that if we got three of your exes together and asked them about their most common complaint about each of them what would they be, and they both gave the same sort of answer.

Well, in that case, if we were to gather up three of YOUR exes and

on the weekend tend to be Fearne, Reggie, Vernon, Colin Murray and Pete Tong. I’m always overawed when I hear those guys. It’s like a real family; I can’t imagine slagging off any of the other Radio 1 DJs. At Christmas we get together for a big dinner and I chat to all of them; I speak to Fabio about Football, Giles Pieterson about music, Colin Murray about, well perhaps I shouldn’t say...

I speak to Zane Lowe about kids.

Edith Bowman, Zane and I all swap photos of our kids and it’s a really friendly atmosphere.

That said, which of your colleagues to you reckon would win in a fight?

You're

“

it does depend on the power of the laser; say the laser has a 3 foot range, the one with the sharks for arms simply wouldn’t have the reach

“

moving up in the world and heading to a new slot at the weekend. How is it different to your old timeslot?

asked them about their common complaint about you, what would they be?

new album ‘Brain Thrust Mastery,’ I haven’t heard the entire new Kings of Leon album, but I’ve heard it’s really good. Oh and of course the new Lil Wayne album is genius.

I’ve often heard you on Fighting Talk, are you a big fan of sport?

I’m always coming last, man! But I guess I’m used to that being a Spurs fan. I do love sport; like I’ll watch any sport if it’s on TV like Tennis, Swimming, Football and Rugby Union. I do love cricket though, I was recently in Sri Lanka watching them absolutely annihilate India, which is always good. Richard Park watches South American Football in his spare time, how am I meant to compete with that? Especially if I’m up against people like Steve Bunce.

Oh probably Sara Cox, she’s certainly one of the liveliest. She’d definitely come out swinging.

Finally, speaking of fights, the ultimate fight if you will, who would win in a bout between a polar bear with lasers instead of eyes, and a polar bear with sharks instead of arms?

Lasers, all day mate. Although it does depend on the power of the laser; say the laser has a 3 foot range, the one with the sharks for arms simply wouldn’t have the reach.

But the one with lasers has no vision nor depth perception, wouldn’t that mix it up a little?

Nah, polar bears have finely tuned ears, so I reckon the laser one would still have the upper hand. Plus if their were in danger, they could simply use the laser to cut a hole in the ice and float off. I’m still team laser. Plus you could just get the Chinese involved, as they use shark fin in their diet, so team shark would lose out again. However, karmically speaking, we’re all losers really, for allowing this bout to take place anyway.

How do you get on with your Radio 1 colleagues?

The ones I see the most because I’m

interviews@gairrhydd.com / 09

HAPPI interviews

A BEGINNER' Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche, abbot of the Samye Ling monastery in Scotland, is one of the foremost Tibetan Buddhist Lamas working in Europe today. Ben Marshall and Leah Eynon met Rinpoche to talk health, hope and happiness.

B

eing alive at the moment isn't the greatest, if we're being honest. We're at the precipice of a massive economic failure, we are supposedly under constant threat of being blown up or robbed or murdered. If we don't die of obesity we'll certainlnly all end up killing ourselves if David Cameron actually does become Prime Minister. Something is not right within the western psyche, and Lam Yeshe Losal Rinpoche belives he has the answer.

One of the basic teachings and concepts in Buddhism and quite possibly the most well known is karma, whereby our actions or thoughts, be they positive or negative, have a direct affect on our lives, and according to Lama Rinpoche negative thoughts can affect everyday things that we might not even consider.

Rinpoche asserted that many medical problems that have come to be associated with Western living, are more to do with a negative state of mind, rather than a specific clinical issue, an understandable albeit

rather controversial opinion.

Having left Tibet in 1959 and now residing in Scotland, Rinpoche makes his third trip back to the city that he likes so much, Cardiff.

When speaking of his childhood growing up in Tibet, Lama Rinpoche remembers not knowing much of the outside world: ‘no outside people ever came, no black people, no white people, I only knew Tibetan faces. So I was fortunate to come to a new country and see knew things and learn new things through my travels across India and America.’ It was through his travels he came to realise that his main skill was to help young people, especially those with drink and drug problems to improve ways of thinking. As he says, "lots of people have greedy minds: the minute that we get what we want, we lose appreciation for it." His advice to young people on not going down that route would be "if you are staying in a city where you know a lot of people who do drugs, you can’t get away so you have to take five vows. Totally renounce alcohol

10 /interviews@gairrhydd.com

and drugs, somehow stop lying or cheating or even stealing or killing and once they are free they go back out and help other young people that were in the same situation as them.

This might mean going to prison and teach them how to meditate sometimes in groups." Although this particular method may jar with more traditional Western notions of medical assistance, Rinpoche insists that he has a good level of success.

Lama Rinpoche remains philosophical on the the reasons behind addictions and the abuse of drugs and alcohol, blaming the nature of society, rather than demonising the individuals concerned, although he does still believe that a certain degree of these addictions due to deeply personal issues.

"It is because of this so-called 'try everything' culture. Your parents might tell you not to take drugs or alcohol but then when you reach secondary school, lots of people might be doing it and it is you who are thought of as weird for not trying anything. And gradually you begin

INESS: interviews

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Before you can help others you have to help yourself to be happy and mindful

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to think that you want to try it. This is a sign that your mind is not strong enough. When you think negative you are at your most weak. When you have taken a drug or drank alcohol you cannot function properly or think properly and so you get deeper into taking drugs. Which leads to you habit growing - even some of the most wealthy businessmen have had a breakdown as they cannot afford their habit. Be wise, you don’t have to try everything."

Rinpoche also insists that before you can help others you have to help yourself to be happy and mindful.

"To be happy you have to be in charge of your own mind. I see many young people all around the world but they are not achieving their goal. If you want to be a lifeguard you must learn how to swim and save other people because if you don’t know that then you don’t jump in the ocean or you will get drowned together. You yourself must be physically and mentally strong enough to help someone that has been over taken by drugs. This may take years; it is not a simple job.

Number one is motivation, it is so important. Through motivation you become clear strong and positive so that you can help other people."

Finally, Rinpoche had a message for you lot, the wonderful Cardiff University student populace.

"I would like young people to study more meaningfully and become more wise and thoughtful human beings. Engaging in everything that they think and say and do and if this happens everybody is going to benefit. If we follow the same old path

g

'S GUIDE

there will be no future. For when you grow older who will look after you?

After all it is only a matter of time before we all get old. Our parents, we should learn to love, please and respect them. And never follow the path of greediness. And don’t try to cheat and lie at the expense of other people. If you kick somebody surely somebody is going to kick you. You are the future, you are responsible for the environment, for each other, you are the future you can change the world."

interviews@gairrhydd.com / 11

30 / arts@gairrhydd.com

features

The post-freshers blues Getting over the freshers' fortnight hangover and emerging back into the reality of university takes more than a dose of paracetamol. Gillian Couch and Louise

Cook are here to help ease you into the routine...

start just in the nick of time.

L

ectures are hopefully going to bring some sanity and normality back into the lives of students everywhere, who – by this stage of the semester – are probably feeling all ‘fresher-ed out.’ Don’t get me wrong, fresher’s week has been an absolute ball, but when 2am feels like an early night you know things have got a little out of hand.

Since having arrived back in Cardiff for freshers' week

my life has slowly unravelled around me. The excitement of being back, coupled with a new house and reunions with old friends, has equalled in disaster for my naive 'organised' plans. This is where lectures come in. However infrequent your lectures are, they provide some sort of structure to each day. Even if it's just a guilty feeling of ‘I should be in a lecture right now’ while vegetating in bed, this is better than just sleeping the day away with no guilty feeling. Well. with no thoughts or feelings at all really. Therefore – I say bring on the lectures, even if it is just to restore a little bit of sanity to my very dishevelled household.

“

if you do one thing this fortnight, make sure it's

Most of us are probably feeling all freshered out...

“

Believe it or not, lectures are going to

one of

these:

outdoors

indoors

day

night

Explore the parks: Bute, Roath, Roath Lake and Sophia Gardens are just to name a few, so go for a stroll and get into that autumnal feeling.

Games - after the initial splurge, games like Guitar Hero and Singstar are a real fun way to spend your free days. If you're looking for something less pricey, how about some retro games like cards, or board games?

Try some home cooking with your friends and housemates. It's a super-cheap alternative to going out for dinner and is great for bonding.

4OD and BBC iplayer - if you're having a quiet night in, these 'on demand' services are perfect for catching up with your favourite shows. http://www.channel4.com/4od/index.html http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer

quenchfeatures@gairrhydd.com / 13

travel

t a h w w o n Ik t s a l d i d u yo . . . r e m m u s Taking a gap year often proves to fill a traveller with a constant supply of banter fodder. Here, a few students reminisce about their years out, focusing on the good, the bad and the trans-gendered...

Kiss Kiss Bangkok

A

night out in Bangkok, Thailand, is a truly unique experience. After exploring some of the city's seedier joints which truly shocked us (using ping pong balls in ways that truly boggle the mind), we decided, for our last night, to splash out at a nicer, classier establishment. It was a real luxury to eat good food and hang out with the rich and beautiful of Bangkok.

One of my friends, who unfortunately wished to remain nameless, took rather a shining to one of the girls that we met. After buying her a few drinks and working his rather substantial magic, the two found themselves outside entangled in a deeply passionate and lustful embrace. Their hands were running all over each others' perfect bodies, constantly exploring further, until suddenly his hands investigated further down and felt a sizeable bulge in her trousers.

His account of what went through his head at this point is hilarious as lust changed to anger and shock. We had a good vantage point to see him turn and run at a pace that would make Usain Bolt look sluggish.

Simon Lucey

14 /travel@gairrhydd.com

travel

Without a Trace

A

nyone who thinks Freshers Week is debaucherous needs to give travelling a shot...

Imagine four months of hangovers rolled into one and you get the idea. It was such antics that left me with the most memorable (and, in some cases, least memorable, but greatest) stories.

Possibly the most random story, and one I only half recollect, is tubing in Laos. Floating down a river in tyres, drinking on its banks in poorly built bars, I was as any self respecting English girl would be: pissed as a fish by mid-day.

I was alone, but had met a lovely group earlier in the day and was hanging out with them. Fast forward to about 5pm, and I am seen by the lads, stumbling down

towards the water, clambering into a tube and floating down the river. I never turned up to meet these new found “friends” that night, nor the morning after - although where exactly I was escapes me. I was reported missing.

Yes, for approximately 6 hours I was officially a missing person, presumed dead, in the middle of South East Asia. I did reappear... all be it without shoes. I can tell you now that explaining to Laos policemen that you are in fact still alive and breathing, and “it was all the whisky’s fault”, is an experience I cherish, but am in no hurry to repeat.

Dom Kehat

Rampant & Rabid

I

was in Sri Lanka with my friend, lazing on the beach for a few days to recuperate after a tiring trek up Adam's Peak mountain.

So we're sitting on the beach and I'm scratching away at my ankles because I've been bitten to shit by mosquitoes. One of the bites starts to bleed pretty badly so I head back to our beach hut to grab a plaster. On the way, however, I bump into a rank mongrel of a dog limping towards me as if it were drunk.

I try to edge away from it but it pounces on me and starts licking my bloody ankle. Naturally, I totally sketch out, grab my friend, and leg it to the nearest hospital to get a rabies shot.

So we arrive at the hospital, and our rickshaw driver drags us to the front of the queue screaming "These people European, they build this hospital, they go first!", and the receptionist asks my name.

"Andrew," I tell her. She randomly writes 'Hendrick' on a piece of paper and sends us to the "Discussion Room".

We go into the "Discussion Room" and I tell the doctor

what happened. He grabs a random piece of paper, writes me a 'prescription', and tells me that before I go to get the injections he wants to have a word with me.

Shit, I think, I'm going to die.

No, apparently he just wants to know if I could help him get a visa for the UK as he wants to see Big Ben and Manchester United. I die a little inside. On to the Injection Room.

"Rabies?" I ask the nurse.

"Babies??" she replies. Awful.

So we establish that I'm not pregnant but, in fact, potentially harbouring a deadly disease, and I pull up my arm to get the shot.

'Nay Nay,' she chuckles, 'This for back side.'

Seriously, at this point I'm just like 'Are you fucking kidding me?', but, alas, I turn around, bend over and think of England. I had to get four more shots throughout my travels to carry out the course of keeping rabies at bay.

Thankfully, I lived to tell the tale… just.

Andy Tweddle

Hit and Run

O

ur first night travelling: As expected we were buzzing with excitement at the prospect of exploring the world and taking on its many challenges. Here I will outline the first.

3.00am, bed time. 5.00am... still awake. A short while later, my friend Lucy goes to the loo as I sit up contemplating our dire jet lag.

Then, from the corner of my eye I see a creature running across the room. After hearing my screams, Lucy slams the bathroom door leaving me inside with a potentially deadly animal! Banging the bathroom door down, I am finally allowed in where we ‘calmly’ assess the situation.

We pluck up the courage to face the monster. At the far side of the room, conveniently placed near my bag, is none other than a humungous cockroach. Jumping on my bed, which is conveniently endowed with wheels, I manage to surf my way towards my bag to

rescue it from the roach's disgustingly massive legs.

Plan: push it towards and then out of the door. Action: surf the bed to the door. Success? Definitely not, as a phone call disrupts us and we consequently lose the cockroach. "I’m sorry, but could you please keep the noise down?" To this, we explain our nightmare situation. Five minutes later, along strolls a little chap who, after tracking the old roach, grabs my shoe, kills it, picks it up and walks out. Job done. Game over - other than the massive splat reminding us of our little creatures existence which remained on our floor.

After the drama, what now? Sleep? Definitely not.

Far too much adrenaline. So there we lay, jet lagged, awake at 6am in our little hotel room, laughing every time we closed our eyes because of our dear old mate – RIP Mr Roach.

Harriet Frearson

travel@gairrhydd.com / 15

travel

without borders Each issue, Travel will be showcasing a destination that is currently controversial for whatever reason. Whether it's in the news for all the wrong reasons or simply suffering from a bad rep, we'll be giving profiles from students who've actually been to these places and know the score. This week, Andy Tweddle describes life in Kosovo after its recent emancipation.

16 /travel@gairrhydd.com

city has such a charm to it that you can’t help but fall in love.

There’s no denying the city’s still a work in progress; the National Museum’s exhibits are only partially complete because Serbia stole most of the artefacts, massive national buildings remain derelict and lifeless, and the walls are lined with picture beyond picture of residents that are

“

Kosovo is the geographical equivalent of Seth Cohen

“

I

n February of this year, after years of destruction, inevitable reconstruction and mighty ambivalence surrounding its ownership, Kosovo was partially recognised as independent from the suffocating grip of Serbia.

In the early 90s, inter-ethnic tensions caused (now Former) Yugoslavia to disintegrate into several territories and Kosovo was left to feel the brunt of subsequent conflicts.

Unrest has been rife throughout the country/territory/political what-haveyou for the past fifteen years but, after hefty aid from the UN, things seem to be looking up for Kosovo.

So, during a six week stint in the Balkans with a friend this summer, I decided to make a pit stop in the capital of the newest country in the world, Pristina, to see what was shaking.

We rocked up in Pristina in the morning and, after dropping our backpacks at the hostel, headed straight into town. It was pretty surreal to be in this ultra-foreign place that we’d heard so much about in the news when we were younger but had never entertained the idea of actually visiting. On the walk my travel partner, Andy, hit the nail on the head when he observed, ‘It basically looks like a load of buildings have been dumped in the middle of a field.’ He was totally right; Pristina is a little shabby due to its dodgy past but, as we were to discover, the

still missing.

In spite of this chaos, or perhaps because of it, the people are by far the friendliest we met in the Balkans.

We had our ‘I’m-a-hardenedtraveller-and-I-know-these-peopleare-trying-to-sell-me-stuff’ hats on, but we soon found out there was no agenda. They wanted to speak to us, to thank us for coming to their country.

I guess Kosovo is like the kid at school that doesn’t look so hot and gets massively picked on but still ends up being quite a character, like a geographical equivalent to Seth Cohen.

The UN-heavy Western influence

is pretty clear to see all around, too.

Plush white UN vans drive along behind rusty tin can cars. Hip coffee houses sit next to street kitchens.

The Kosovo news broadcast was followed by an episode of Sex and the City (the one where Carrie trips up at the fashion show... good ep).

Despite this Western prominence, however, there seems to be no animosity across the class divide.

People out shopping will make their way to the shambolic bazaar to grab some vegetables after buying bread at the air-conditioned bakery nearby, Westerners and Kosovans acknowledging and speaking with each other as they make their various trips.

Of course, it’s going to be a tough decade for Kosovo as it continues to dig its scuffed heels into the ground.

Many countries still don’t recognise its independence and the country still needs to undergo a serious refurbishment..

Essentially, however, there is a united force at the country’s centre.

It seems that everyone in Pristina has a common thirst for peace and this unity stands on a basely human level, ready for tomorrow’s challenges.

If you've visited anywhere out of the ordinary we want to hear from you. Zimbabwe, Georgia and Burma are on our current hitlist so simply email travel@gairrhydd.com if you've got a story.

fashion

K E E W N O I H S A F highly anticipated Spring/ Fashion casts its beady eye over the ctions Summer 2009 colle

Best Show- Vivienne Westwood Boasting one of the most eclectic front rows of the week (how often do you get to see Pammie, Kate Moss and Hermione Granger sat next to each other?!), The Queen of punk 's Red Label collection reflected this, and more than impressed.

All the Westwood trademark's were there: clever utilisation of knotting and decadent draping emphasising and celebrating the womanly curves of even the most meagerly built models. The inclusion of drapes and hooded dresses gave the collection a feel of a Northern Africa colonial daydream.

I London...

Best Menswear- Topman Design The MAN show (the partnership between Fashion East and Topman) showcased the most wearable and exciting pieces for menswear. The designers involved included the British Menswear designer of the Year Kim Jones, Aitor Throup, Topman Design and Cassette Playa.

It was Topman Design who had the most perfected collection which combined masculine clean lines with luxurious silks and knits to give a laid back refined look. The most noticeable trend was the rising hemlines with stylish city shorts which graced almost all the collections, so boys you'd better start perfecting those pins!

One to Watch- Go By A Secret Path Fashion Fringe- The hottest creative contest in the fashion calendar had an impressive judging panel this year with Donatella Versace and Roland Mouret both involved.

The winner of the nationwide competition was Eun Jeong Hong aka Go By A Secret Path. Her simple tailoring coupled with imaginative use of lace and her ability to create romantic beautiful shapes, ensured the all white collection was definitely not a wash-out. Donatella Versace noted that as well as being innovative the collection had staying power, something much coveted in the current climate of fast-fashion.

fashion@gairrhydd.com / 17

fashion

I

Paris...

Standout Piece: Monochromous Shield Suit This appeared at Gareth Pugh’s debut show in Paris where he sent white fronted and black- backed outfits down the runway. The outfits couldn’t be praised for their wearability, (unless you’re taking part in a futuristic lancing competition!) but this show yet again managed to demonstrate Pugh’s flair for blurring creative boundaries.

Best Show: Rick Owens Models emerged out of dry ice and trooped down the catwalk with a slave-like demeanour while eerie Egyptian music enveloped the audience. Dull colours roamed the runway but the dress patterns made up for it. With odd designs cut out at the stomach and imaginative Pharoah style headgear, Owens created an evocative Egyptian extravaganza.

Best Menswear: John Galliano His collection was bursting with vibrant colours and patterns. John Galliano delivered the most outrageously daring show, clashing myriads of fluorescent colours with checks and pinstripes.

Not for the fainthearted, this show wreaked havoc with traditional ideas and gave the outdated new rave style a cutting edge twist. So lads it’s time to embrace your inner Boy George!

18 /fashion@gairrhydd.com-

fashion

I

Milan...

Standout Piece: Bra Top After years of being hidden away by baggy batwing jumpers and high waisted contraptions, Muccia Prada has decided that its crunch time for the midriff which is set to be on show again, thanks to a revival of crop tops and risquĂŠ bra tops.

Best Menswear Show: Viktor and Rolf Shorts ending above the knee, pulled-up socks, thick rimmed glasses and salmon- coloured chinos turned the show into a celebration of the geeky guy style copied by many a high street fashionisto.

Best show: Burberry Prorsum The grungy look which Christopher Bailey has been so adept at doing for Burberry Prorsum was reworked for spring/summer 09 . Models went down the catwalk in eye-skimming floppy hats, loose tunic dresses in muted colours and the classic Burberry trench. All of which injected some edgy cool Britannia into the sometimes overly sophisticated Milan approach to styling.

The Gossip!

Models were falling over themselves to get to the end of the catwalk. Literally! Heels reached dizzying heights this season which resulted in quite a few lithe-limbed models toppling to the floor. Girls at Prada and Gucci, to name but a few, all came crashing back down to earth as a result of the trend for vertiginous footwear.

fashion@gairrhydd.com/19

gay

I WA

20/gay@gairrhydd.com

gay

ANT YOUR

SEX!

James Moore tackles the age-old and ever contentious question: Is being gay all about getting laid? celebrated as a great moment in the progression of gay rights in television history, it does play up to the clichéd stereotype of gay men as sex crazed nymphomaniacs. The central gay club of the Queer as Folk narrative is adequately named 'Babylon', as the Mancunian mecca of gay-clubbing is portrayed to possess the same

“

Not every gay man on the Cardiff scene is out to get his balls sucked everytime he sets foot in a gay bar!

“

N

o matter how many times gays get together, flying their rainbow flags and singing I Am What I Am in a bid to fight homophobic stereotyping, the LGBT community always wind up being pigeon-holed. Common stereotypes like ‘all lesbians are dungaree-loving munters’ or ‘all drag queens are men who wish they were born women’ seem to persist no matter how erroneous they obviously are. And one characteristic that seems to be enduringly put upon gay men is that they are all about the sex.

As controversial as this may sound, speaking from my own experience I would go as far as to say that many gay pride events actually do go someway in proving this ‘slut stereotype’. The Mardi Gras-esque events and gay demos I’ve attended ultimately turned out to be a supersized version of any Saturday night gay clubbing, with the promise of a night of lust, lube and satisfied libidos being the eventual aim of many randy revellers.

But this isn't just a totally selfmade stereotype, produced by the debauched behaviour of some gay men. A number of popular culture portrayals of homosexuality are also guilty of helping to instil the idea that gay men are out to achieve little more than a fast, convenient fuck.

Take the TV show Queer As Folk as exhibit A. While the show is rightly

hedonism and sexual excess as that of the ancient Romans.

Of course it must be remembered that as fiction, the true reality of the gay scene is ultimately embellished for ratings and strong audience reactions. The actual reality is that while some members of the gay scene confirm the sexualized stereotype of gay men, it is plain and simply unfair to label all the male members of the gay community as 'sluts' based on the gay men that are presented to

wide audiences by the media.

Ultimately, sexual preference doesn’t decree whether or not people are slags or saints. Not all heterosexuals want to settle down and monogamously live the dream of domestic bliss, just as not all gay men want a different cock pushing against the back of their tonsils every night of the week.

Most of the gay men I have met in my five years on the Cardiff scene are not out to get their balls sucked every time they set foot in a gay bar.

OK, I have met one or two who are, but generally the rest are just looking for a good time. And winding up sitting on top of a stranger’s face is not necessarily the only way to achieve this. What about a good gossip with friends, or shaking it on down to the Spice Girls megamix? Or even partaking in a little harmless flirtation that does not have to result in a night of bum fun?

Gay men are not all about sex!

Sure, sex is an intriguing addition to a fun night out if you’re lucky.

But isn't it the same for everyone, whether you're sweating in Metros, bouncing in Bounce or posing in Pulse? And if you are gay, and out gay clubbing and still haven't found some to get it on with by one in the morning, SO FUCKING WHAT? No use crying over spilled spunk! Neck a few more voddies and get your ass on the dance floor!

gay@gairrhydd.com / 21

30 / arts@gairrhydd.com

Blind Date

blind date

For the first Blind Date of term, we bring together two gorgeous singletons for an evening of fine wine and dining.

“

Out of 10, I'd give her an 8... We exchanged numbers at the end of the night

Blind Date: So Nia, what would you give Matt out of 10?

Nia: I would give him a 7 because he was really friendly and easy to get along with.

What were your first impressions?

I thought he was really polite and friendly. I instantly felt relaxed and we could chat about anything.

Were there any highlights of the date?

I thought the highlight was the fact that we got on really well and I felt like I had known him for ages. I thought we had a lot in common as we were both up for having a laugh.

So do you think you'll keep in touch?

Yeah, I'd like to meet up with Matt again.

How would you describe Matt in three words?

Sociable, friendly and generally a nice guy.

So which would you rather: Chuck, fuck or marry?

That's a hard one. I'll go with marry.

“

Nia and Matt enjoyed their meal courtesy of The Hard Rock Cafe, Cardiff

Nia

Matt Ok so we've heard from Nia, now it's your chance to tell your side of the story. What did you think of her?

Matt: Out of 10, I'd give her an 8. We had a really good time and I think we got on really well.

And what were your first impressions?

I thought that she was really pretty and she was really talkative, so the conversation was easy.

What was the highlight of the date?

I think the highlight was the fact that we were the last people in there!

Ooohh! Since you had such a good time would you be up for meeting again?

Yeah I'd like to see her again. We exchanged numbers at the end of the night, so fingers crossed.

How would you describe Nia in three words?

Fun, talkative and good looking.

So the infamous chuck, fuck or marry?

I'll go for option B.

Interested in a blind date? Email us, your very own sultry love goddesses... blinddate@gairrhydd.com / 23

food

Lazy Sunday...

With autumn now officially here there is yet another excuse to embrace Sunday as the day of rest and recovering, Food looks at how to do it with style.

F

24 / food@gairrhydd.com

“

Cast your duvet aside and face the bright outdoors

“

or most students, Sundays are all about lie-ins and nursing hangovers. It's the one day of the week where it's completely acceptable to laze about and just completely relax. And what better way to relax and recover than to have some tasty grub?

Cast your duvet aside, face the bright outdoors, and enjoy some of our favourite places for Sunday R&R...

Just woken up with the worst hangover of your life?

Head down to Café 37 on Salisbury Road for a stomachstrengthening fry up. They do loads of different breakfasts, even veggie ones. The servings are huge, and if you fancy something a little more healthy, also they do smoothies and omelettes. There's also a wide lunch selection too.

Alternatively, for the ultimate greasy spoon hangover cure, head to Ramon's just across the road. They do various sized fry ups so there's something for everyone's appetite.

If, like us, you enjoy something sweet - particularly in the form of dessert - then you'll find that Buffalo Bar on Windsor Place doesn’t disappoint. They do a special Sunday Brunch/Lunch menu, and with comfy sofas for you to fall into what more could you ask for? They also have traditional Sunday lunches (with three different meats on offer and a veggie option) for just £6.95.

If you're a bit of an earlybird and fancy a Sunday breath of fresh air, take a trip to the Riverside Market.

There are up to 30 stalls selling fresh, local produce, and you know it'll be better and cheaper than what you get at the big supermarkets. The market happens every Sunday from 10am until 2pm, opposite the Millennium Stadium. With stalls selling everything from your normal market produce to handmade chocolates, there's no good reason why you shouldn't get yourself down there!

They even have a scotch egg company with over 35 different varieties... yum. For more information on the market check out www.riversidemarket.org.uk Another great way to spend the day is to have a good old romp about in some nature. If you find yourself at Roath Park then a stop at the Terra Nova Café. It overlooks the lake, so whilst you tuck into your food you can watch the boats go by. They do a wide selection of lunchtime treats, such as paninis, toasties, pizzas and salads. They also have lots of cakes for truly indulgent afternoon teas.

food

Of course, you can always enjoy your lazy Sunday with a great traditional Roast Dinner. Hailed as one of the ultimate home luxuries, a Sunday lunch isn’t a regular export from the average student kitchen, but with a simple recipe it makes for straightforward cooking and a great group meal. Here's one we made earlier...

Roast Dinner:

The Veggie Option:

Serves 4 Preparation time: 15 minutes Cooking time: 1 hour 35 minutes

Quorn and nut roasts are available in the supermarket, but roasted vegetables are a simple alternative.

Choose your favourites and follow this recipe...

Ingredients:

1. Pre-heat the oven to 180 °c / gas mark 4

-1 medium chicken (about 1.8 kg) - 1 ½ Kg potatoes, peeled and quartered - 4 tbsp cooking oil - Seasoning: black pepper, dried herbs - 2 cloves chopped garlic - 3 large carrots - 1 broccoli florette

2. Coat a roasting tin in enough oil to cover the bottom and place in the oven for ten minutes till really hot.

Carefully add the vegetables and any seasoning.

3. Cook for thirty-five minutes till crispy and serve immediately.

1. Pre-heat oven to 170 °c / gas mark 5.

The Dessert:

2. Tip potatoes and garlic in to a large roasting tin, mix with 2 tbsp of the oil and add the seasoning then push to the side.

Serves 4 – 6 Preparation time: 10 minutes Ready in: 40 minutes

3. Place the chicken in the middle drizzle with the remaining 2 tbsp of oil and add black pepper.

Ingredients:

4. Roast in the centre of the oven for one hour and ten minutes. In this time, peel and chop the vegetables.

5. Check the chicken is cooked by putting a knife through the thickest part of the thigh. The juices will run clear when ready.

6. Lift out of the tin on to a plate, cover with foil and leave it to rest.

- 100 g marge - 150 g crushed biscuits - 1 tsp cinnamon and tsp nutmeg (optional) - 1 tin condensed milk - 3 bananas - 1 small pot of double cream - 1 chocolate flake 1.Melt the marge in the microwave or over the hob, and add the spices and crushed biscuits.

2.Press in to a shallow circular dish.

7. Turn the oven up to 200°c / gas mark 7 and roast for a further fifteen to twenty minutes till crisp.

8. During this time bring a large pan of water to boil and add vegetable stock, add the carrots for eight minutes boiling gently and the broccoli for five.

9. Finally prepare the gravy just before you're ready, using gravy powder and chicken stock. Add Worcester sauce for extra flavour.

3.Pierce two holes in the closed lid of the can of condensed milk and place it in a saucepan of boiling water for five minutes.

4. When transformed in to a toffee like consistency open the can and pour immediately on to the base.

5. Chill in the fridge for twenty minutes, then slice the bananas over the top, whip the cream and pour over. Finish with a crumbled chocolate flake.

food@gairrhydd.com / 25

TOM BENTL going out

HUST

or, how to get from cardiff to creamfields in 12 months

T

his time last year, Tom Bentley was just another student. He had a pair of CDJs, a passion for playing music to other people, and a bucketful of ambition, but little else to show for his fledgling DJ career. Yet one year on, he's a permanent fixture on the Cardiff scene, with residencies stretching from 10 Feet Tall to the Students' Union via Milgi. Oh, and he's also played Creamfields.

All before even embarking upon his third year in Politics at Cardif University.

Which all adds up to a very impressive CV. More importantly, however, Tommy B is good - really good. He might have scored some great support slots, but it's his eclecticism and ear for a solid slice of electro that sets him apart on the Cardiff scene. Quench caught up with him to find out more...

Let's start off with your history at Cardiff. How did you first get into DJing?

I got my first pair of decks when I was 16 - they were a pair of really crappy belt drive ones - and I remember getting a vinyl record from Catapult – I think it was Romeo

by Bassment Jaxx – and actually putting the needle on the picture in the middle of the record - that’s how inexperienced and dumb I was! I was brought up in the cd/mp3 generation.

But I stuck with it, experimenting, doing a bit of DJing here and there, and making mixtapes for friends.

My big break probably came when a friend passed one of my mixes on to 10 Feet Tall. I started playing bar sets and background music there, which you pretty much have to do when you're starting out. And I used the money to buy better equipment and invest back into my career.

26 / goingout@gairrhydd.com

You play through quite a few different genres at your residencies in Cardiff, but you seem most comfortable playing electro. How did you get into that?

My dad was a big punk – he liked The Sex Pistols, The Ramones and The Clash – but I never really got into that sort of music. My friends listened to hip hop, and I started off liking really shit commercial hip hop.

I’ve got 100 hip hop records and I’d say 30 are really shit, like Usher, Ja Rule, P diddy… The thing is, when you’re younger, the only way you see into DJing is through the commercial side. But then I discovered Buffalo, and I really liked Buffalo – the music was different and the guys gave me my chance.

You managed to score a set at Creamfields this summer. How did that come about?

LEY:

TLER

going out of group of people. So it was a really diverse mix of artists. And it was their 10th anniversary, which made it that much more special to play.

How did your set go?

I played really early on in the Skins Live tent. It was really dead to begin with, but by the end the tent was packed – Erol Alkan, Pete Tong and other DJs were coming in to watch.

I played a dance set and tried to throw in some of my own stuff that I’ve done – re-edits, and some new songs. I was trying to make a set that wasn’t too heavy going but let me show my talents, so it included some live editing and live mixing.

How much did Creamfields help to raise your profile in Cardiff?

It's definitely opened up a lot of opportunities for me. Really, DJing is all snakes and ladders, and I feel like this set has helped me to jump the ladder a bit. I’ve been extremely lucky that I got this big break that’s allowed me to play nights for promoters I respect.

How do you feel about the state of the Cardiff dance scene in general?

The set was up for grabs in a Myspace competition that any DJ could enter. I applied on a whim, submitted a mix and decided to see what happened. They had over 700 entries. I had an email saying I’d been shortlisted to the final ten and it then went down to a public vote, so after a bit of rallying around, and some Facebook promotion, I won by a landslide!

Were you at all daunted about playing at Creamfields?

I never actually thought Creamfields would be for me because I don’t really play techno or hard house or whatever. But when I saw the line up and who I was going to be playing with, I realised it was really diverse.

You had Errol Alkan, Soulwax, Gossip, The Presets… and then at the other end of the scale you had Tiesto, Paul Oakenfold, and that sort

A little while ago, the Cardiff scene was on the verge of dying in terms of dance – which is weird, because you have scenes in Bristol and Manchester that are thriving like Warehouse Project, and some incredible DJs and really good nights in Cardiff that get overlooked. I think Stu's Party, for example, is great. And one-off DJs like Killer Tomato and Skinny White Boys who are really good DJs who take it very seriously and deserve to be a lot bigger. it’s really important to support local nights. The thing about Aesthetics, for instance, is it's very homegrown. A student saw a gap in the scene, took his ideas and his money, took his idea to a venue, put his own money into it, and started it off from scratch. And that influenced me to go to Milgi’s and start up a night. I also think students should support the Union. Working with the Union, you realise that it's committed to providing good nights for students – it’s not about the money. And there are a lot of nights where promoters aren’t out to make money, like Stu’s

Party.

Nights at Tiger Tiger and Oceana are great for students, but the key to having a really good student life at Cardiff University is to immerse yourself in different nights – go and try out different types of music.

So I just think Cardiff’s getting there but it needs that student support.

What would be your advice for students who want to start DJing?

You have to love it; you can’t just do it for the money. If you want ot do it for the money, go be a wedding DJ. Go play hits for some 14 year-old’s party. If you really love music, go play a few gigs and get your face out there.

If you’re starting from scratch, a good thing to do is join Traffic or One Mission or something like that. Or if that’s not your genre, like for me I didn’t want to be boxed into house music or drum 'n' bass, go to the nights that play your music and give a promoter your mix cd. Invest in yourself. You’ll never get anywhere unless you take a few risks.

Did you always know you wanted to be a DJ? I’ve always liked playing music to other people. Everyone has their passions – for some it’s fashion, for some it’s writing. I love when two records come perfectly together.

There’s something magical about it, and about how two extremes can mingle, like when someone plays an old Clash or Phil Collins record in a different context. I like to think my context is electro, dancefloor music, but all I want to do is create atmospheres where people feel they can have a good time, where you can enter the dancefloor at any point and immerse yourself in the music.

Rather than playing a set where you can easily name the next song.

Tommy B plays Lush on Fridays at the Students' Union, Coolbox fortnightly on Wednesdays at Milgi's, and is a resident at Buffalo and 10 Feet Tall. He is also president of the Politics society and, so far, shows no signs of slowing down.

Interview: Ben Bryant

goingout@gairrhydd.com / 27

going out

g o in g o u t ?

WHAT TO DO, WHERE TO GO, AND HOW BEST TO RECOVER

- P IC K O F T H E I S S U E -

IM P E RIA L L EIS U R E

W

Much love, The Going Out Team.

Alex Gwilliam gets excited over the arrival of an underground live act that will knock your socks off... moved on to shopping centres, parks and the odd beach or two, playing to a chain of rather surprised, yet equally enthralled crowds of general passers-by. Before long, and without a single release to their name, they

“

Imperial Leisure

hile I was at Glastonbury this year I was lucky enough to stumble into the Dance East tent around lunchtime on Saturday and catch a set by the rather excellent Imperial Leisure. I’d never heard of them before, but they came highly recommended to me by a friend, so I decided to investigate and see what all the fuss was about. I can wholeheartedly say that I was not disappointed, and the prospect of seeing them play at the Barfly here in Cardiff has me positively salivating.

Imperial Leisure are a ten-piece ska/hip-hop/funk band from London with enough collective energy to shoot shit into space. They have steadily accrued a wide-ranging and dedicated fanbase over the two years in which they have reached the public ear, and during that time they have made quite a name for themselves. Starting out performing so called ‘guerrilla gigs’ in and around the streets of London, they began to attract a good deal of attention with their explosive performances and impromptu bouts of crowd participation. From there they

where Calibre is going to be spinning some soulful beats, but if you need your bass hit a little stronger, then check out the One Mission trip to WestFest on Saturday the 25th – details can be found at www.slamminvinyl.com and via the One Mission facebook group.

So, it's about time to dig out those sparkly legwarmers and get ready for the chilly season - because from here, it's looking good!

house kids, Hed Kandi is returning to Liquid this weekend, and for those who fancy something a little bit different, why not try out some jazz for size?

The Union is playing host to a variety of big names, including Hot Chip and The Stranglers, but if there's nothing to tickle your fancy there - or if you're on a budget - then check out the gig listings for Barfly, where the musical rampage lasts all through the week.

I’ll be keeping it real with the Aperture faithful down at the Welsh Club,

Imperial Leisure are a band with enough collective energyto shoot shit into space...

“

A

hoy, fellow ravers!

Well, the nights are drawing in and there’s a definite chill in the air, but thankfully there are plenty ’nuff nights on for you to keep those rave boots moving. For hip-hop fans, there’s a new night at Glo every Tuesday featuring not only live music, but breakdance and graff as well. C-Y-N-T is warming up for Hallowe’en with special appearances from Hightower and Stretch, and if that isn’t enough for you, a week later Radio 1 producer Rachel Barton takes to the Clwb decks. For

found themselves being booked for festivals up and down the country, with their car-park sets at festivals like Reading and LoveBox leaving

28 /goingout@gairrhydd.com

many people praising them as the performance of the weekend. They have since played sell-out gigs at The Shepherd’s Bush Empire, the Scala and have supported the likes of Ugly Duckling, Gym Class Heroes and the Sugar Hill Gang.

The band is made up of three vocalists, a two-man brass section, a keyboard player, a bassist, a lead guitarist, a drummer and a DJ. Musically they sound like a mixture of Reel-Big-Fish-era ska/punk, and good old skool hip-hop of the fat shoelaces and Beastie Boys variety, only with less of the shouting and more tuneful melodies. Never once standing still onstage, they hop, skip and jump their way through their live shows, working the crowd into a frenzied orgy of pogo’s and skanking. Compress this all into a venue the size of the Barfly, and you have the recipe for a very messy night indeed. Expectations are high for this one to sell-out, so get there early to avoid a miserable wait in a queue.

As their mypsace so wisely states, “all you can do is pity the fools who come in late”.

Imperial Leisure – Sunday 23rd Oct, Barfly, £5

going out

LISTINGS 13/10/08 13/10 •

•

GIG - Enjoy Destroy, Barfly - £6 •

14/10 • •

• •

Mud (Dubstep), Undertone - £3 GIG – My Favourite Pornstar featuring My Significant Other, then Hammertime! (Club night), Barfly - £5 Year of the Pug (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/£3 Collective (Hip hop), Glo Bar £2/3

15/10 •

• •

The Dudes Abide, Clwb Ifor Bach - £3.50 Retro Electro presents Hoxton Whores, Club Glam (Q Bar) - £8 before 11, £11 after

18/10 •

• • •

GIG – Trash Fashion, then SkinnyGene (Club night), Barfly - £5 Listen Up! (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/3 Jazz In Town (Jazz), Cafe Jazz - £2

•

• • •

Elbow

• •

•

19/10

Calibre

17/10

C-Y-N-T presents Rachel Barton (House/Electro/Techno), Clwb Ifor Bach - £3 Tell the Police the Truth (Indie/ Electro), Clwb Ifor Bach - £3 Drum n Bassment (Drum n Bass), Undertone – Free Uprising Soundsystem (Reggae/Dancehall), Glo Bar - £3 GIG – Those Dancing Days, then Discord (Club night), Barfly - £7.50

The Dudes Abide, Clwb Ifor Bach – £3.50 GIG – Along Came Man, then Mad4it! (Club night), Barfly - £5 Full Fat (Hip Hop/Rock/Dance/ Funk), Undertone – Free/£4 Oasis, Cardiff International Arena - £SOLD OUT Hot Chip, Great Hall - £16.50

25/10 • •

Vinyl Vendettas (60’s/70’s/80’s), Clwb Ifor Bach - £5 Saturday is Undertone (House/ Electro), Undertone - £4/5 Flyswatter (Club night), Barfly - £4/£5

26/10 • •

GIG – Imperial Leisure, Barfly - £5 Kids In Glass Houses, Solus - £9

GIG – Malefice featuring Kruger, Barfly - £5

21/10 • • • •

Year of the Pug (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/£3 Mud (Dubstep), Undertone - £3 Collective (Hip hop). Glo Bar £2/3 GIG - Zenyth, then Hammertime! (Club night), Barfly - £5

22/10 •

GIG – Raging Speedhorn, then SkinnyGene (Club night), Barfly - £8

Hot Chip

GIG – Said Mike With My Little Murder, then Mad4it! (Club night), Barfly - £3 Full Fat (Hip Hop/Rock/Dance/ Funk), Undertone – Free/£4 Aperture presents Calibre and Jugganote, Clwb Ifor Bach £6/8

•

•

GIG - Ralfe Band, Clwb Ifor Bach - £6/7 GIG - Red Battle 08, Barfly - £6 Rockstar Taste of Chaos Tour, Great Hall - £17.50

20/10 •

•

•

•

• •

•

•

•

•

•

23/10

•

C-Y-N-T presents Hightower and Stretch (House/Electro/ Techno), Clwb Ifor Bach - £3 Tell the Police the Truth (Indie/ Electro), Clwb Ifor Bach - £3 GIG – Five Mile Drive, then Discord (Club night), Barfly - £5 Drum n Bassment (Drum n Bass), Undertone - Free Uprising Soundsystem (Reggae/Dancehall), Glo Bar - £3 The Stranglers, Solus - £ 23

Listen Up! (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/3 The Hoosiers, Cardiff International Arena - £

24/10

The Hoosiers

•

•

•

Chicaboom presents Soul City and Tone Control, Glo Bar - £3 before 11, £5 after Saturday is Undertone (House/ Electro), Undertone - £4/5 Vinyl Vendettas (60’s/70’s/80’s), Clwb Ifor Bach - £5 GIG – Eighth Rule, then Flyswatter (Club night), Barfly - £5

16/10 •

•

goingout@gairrhydd.com / 29

Arts

arts

As Fact!".

The production was energetic and irreverent, the three performers tore through the course of events in a flurry of different characters, costume and song. Intelligent and witty, they made suggestions of alternative commandments ("shit happens") and threw a few topical references in for good measure. The performance was also lifted by the fantastic visual comedy and inventive use of fig leaves.

The audience were kept on their toes by the interactive nature of the play. You had to duck to avoid the loaves and fishes which were hurled at the crowd, and at one point a supersoaker water pistol was unleashed into the audience in a comical expression of baptism. When it reached the Noah's Ark sequence, people were brought uncomfortably on stage in pairs, given animal masks and made to 'oink' their way

The Bible: The Complete Word of God (abridged) St David's Hall 24th September

K

nown for their 'Abridged' works of Shakespeare in sixty minutes, the Reduced Shakespeare Company arrived in Cardiff with their sights set on another fairly well known text, The Bible.

From the outset, the three quirky Americans made it clear that this was not a criticism of any particular religion, perhaps for fear that the multitudes of Cardiff would go up in arms, chasing them out of the theatre with cries of 'blasphemy!'

Nevertheless, the production set out to ridicule the events which shape this holy book and challenge what they controversially described as "The Greatest Story Ever Accepted

Enjoy New Theatre 30th September

30/arts@gairrhydd.com

at the theatre...

E

"

njoy"- a word that fittingly describes how I felt watching this production. A familiar scene is set with an elderly couple, the Cravens, sitting ‘comfortably’ in their living room.

They depict a typical elderly married couple whose small talk makes them squabble, much to the amusement of the audience!

Set in Leeds the play evocatively illuminates the class system in Britain, and a time where the ‘out with the old and in with the new’ generation is thriving. Everyone knows a Mrs Craven: she is likeable, set in her own silly ways, warm and weirdly wonderful. There is something vulnerable about Mrs Craven, especially as we learn that she is slowly losing her memory, making her endearing to the audience. This is down to the performance of Alison Steadman who is warm and appears relatable; she delivers the role to perfection and at times carries the production. Mr Craven is easily recognisable as grumpy, bitter and who is slowly disappearing into the

through a song. Despite the slight panto feel of it all, you couldn't help but cheer along.

At times the production dragged out a little and the style risked becoming repetitive. But the play was rescued by the performers' consistent ability to think of inventive ways to portray the story.

After all, some parts of the Bible are pretty funny. At the last supper, "Why are you all sat on the same side of the dinner table?" This was theatre which was not afraid to push the boundaries in both its choice of subject matter and in its execution.

Kate Budd

creases of his own arm chair!

The play is packed with well-delivered lines that make the audience laugh out loud, but there is an underlying bitter tone about class-related issues. There is a sense of trying to “keep up with the Jones” with Mrs Craven being overly house proud“the house is upside down”. Mrs Craven is desperate to impress the sociologist who is there to observe their ‘typical’ habits. They are a dysfunctional family, with a daughter who enters a life of prostitution, and a son who is shunned by his father for being a transsexual. But you can’t help but feel sympathetic towards the Cravens, who are being left behind and outcast, while everyone else moves forward. The humorous lines are almost forgotten as the play ends on a poignant note.

The Cravens return to the stripped stage where they stand bare, withered, older and unhappier as a result of being removed from their simple home that held all their comforts.

Lisa Evans

arts

... and the bigger picture

Big Issue’s Bigger Picture Exhibition Wales Millennium Centre 25 September – 4 December

T

he Millenium Centre are currently exhibiting a range of photography celebrating 17 years of iconic images from The

Big Issue, focusing on images of celebrities who have featured in the publication and supported its cause. Quirky pictures of Badly Drawn Boy on the rooftops and Jarvis Cocker striking a pose reflect the alternative style of the Big Issue, a magazine which became a landmark in both its style and distribution.

The Big Issue was set up with the aim of generating a legitimate income for homeless people and to provide them with a sense of selfrespect. Produced by professional journalists, the magazine is bought by its vendors and sold on the streets, generating a profit of 80p for the seller. The widespread success of the publication, both in the UK and worldwide, has drawn greater awareness to the issue of homelessness, as well as becoming a leading commentary in the world of the arts.

The shots of celebrities on display emphasise this connection with popular culture. Here celebrities are using their fame to draw attention to more than just themselves. Some

of the more hard-hitting, close-up shots on display of Bob Geldof, for instance, reflect the dogged determination of some figures who are rooting for social change.

For me, however, the real ‘bigger picture’ of this exhibition was the final shot of a Big Issue seller, which offered a bright outlook on the whole situation, without becoming sentimental. His face filled with optimism, this image expressed all the improvement to life that the Big Issue can offer.

When entering the exhibition I expected to see a few more images that focussed on the more gritty side of homelessness, instead the whole effect was quite glossy. It seemed to just accentuate the fact that in our modern, celebrity driven world, you need a famous face to drive an issue forwards.

But what makes the Bigger Picture exhibition a success is its celebration of all that is fantastic about the Big Issue magazine itself; which, in this sense, is certainly worth a look.

Kate Budd

Coming soon to Cardiff...

J

oin Noel Fielding, Julian Barratt and co on a journey through time and space as The Mighty Boosh live tour kicks off.

Following the success of their last stage show in 2006, the Boosh are arriving in Cardiff on 18th October and coming back for two

further shows in November. Prepare to be dazzled as the troupe of weird and wonderful characters hit the CIA with their surrealist comedy and songs about soup.

Expect a live show filled with characters from all three series, as well as musical performances from the Boosh Band and undoubtedly a few surprises along the way.

Hurry as some tickets are still available for the later dates in the tour, not to be missed!

arts@gairrhydd.com / 31

books

Books people have started wars over them, yeah

“

History doesn't need to be modernised with Manolo Blahniks and Converse trainers to be relevant and human

“

Marie-Therese, Child of Terror: The Fate of Marie Antoinette's Daughter, Susan Nagel (Bloomsbury)

A

way from the demands of an English Literature degree, I love to read historical biographies. For reasons no one can explain, the stories of beheaded monarchs always have a special appeal. Marie Antoinette has been the subject of many books, and depicted in many films and TV series. The scapegoat of a revolution which changed European history, the Queen of France's life has always been a fascinating read. So when I heard that there was going to be a biography of her daughter, MarieTherese, I wondered what was

32 / books@gairrhydd.com

actually so significant about her.

I was surprised to find that the lesser known survivor of the French Revolution had just as interesting a life, but one in reverse. This is a book that starts with revolution, murder and great social change, then slows down into political and familial squabbles, but never loses pace.

In fact, I found myself completely fascinated by the tiniest, trivial details: like the restored Madame Royale washing her own lingerie after her days imprisoned in the Revolution than I was about the already well-known stories about boys claiming to be the deceased Dau-

phin (stories which lose their appeal when DNA testing has proved them to be false). History doesn't need to be modernised with Manolo Blahniks and Converse trainers to be relevant and human, as Sofia Coppola's awful 2006 movie Marie-Antoinette suggests. All that is needed is the tiniest, most insignificant detail, that only thorough research reveals, about a personal habit to make you feel like you know the entire life, thoughts and feelings of a person with a wildly different life, in a different time and place.

Aisling Tempany

books The Pools, Bethan Roberts (Serpent's Tail)

S

et just before Christmas 1985, The Pools tells how fifteen year-old Robert has been killed in a sleepy middle English town. Don’t worry; I’ve not ruined the story for you here: this much is clearly revealed in the prologue. What ensues is an intricate tracing of the events leading up to his death from the very beginning in 1965, at the meeting of his parents, Howard and Kathryn.

Told alternately through the dual narrative voices of Howard and Joanna, a friend of Robert’s, The Pools creates a startlingly vivid picture of normal life as it slowly goes hideously awry. These voices are littered with telling details, leaving what is left unsaid as intriguing as what is marked out on the page.

Though some of Howard’s

“

“

reactions can seem irrational and unconvincing and Joanna’s constant references to her own overt yet naïve teenage sexuality sometimes grates, these are only momentary distractions from otherwise skillfully rendered characters.

The fact that the reader already knows from the outset the macabre climax towards which the novel is headed serves only to heighten the suspense which looms over the novel in a mirror image of the recurring image of the power station’s all-pervading towers. Roberts has a highly accomplished novel which explores and exploits the tensions underlying even the most mundane seeming of lives to gripping effect – a fantastic twist on the usual murder story, providing a glimpse into a world which proves both seductive and chilling.

Emma Davies

It exploits the tensions of even the most seemingly mundane of lives

Mike's Election Guide 2008, Michael Moore (Penguin)

M

ike’s Election Guide 2008 aims to parody the childish style of the self-important liberal. At least, I assume that’s what it aims to do. Because otherwise it’s a dismally smug, self-satisfied book by Michael Moore for Michael Moore.

Yes, there are some alarming and important facts and statistics in there. It’s just a shame they’re hidden behind Moore’s overbearing style. He’d rather batter his readers with exaggerated sarcasm and an appropriately liberal usage of capital letters than properly explain his points. It’s reductive, too – Democrats are mostly nice and cuddly, and Republicans are evil and smoke-belching.

To be fair to him, it’s a reasonably entertaining exploration of some of the issues surrounding November’s elections. But the attempts at humour too often fall flat, and mistake shouting (er, through text) for being funny. It’s ultimately likely to appeal only to those weird white guys with dreadlocks who think they’re in Rage Against The Machine.

Mike’s Election Guide is basically A Democrat’s Guide To Feeling Superior. No Republican will ever read this and be persuaded, because Moore is so obnoxious and, at times, juvenile. All it’s going to do is let Democrats point and snigger at Republican voters; it won’t change anything. So what’s the point?

Jamie Thunder

books@gairrhydd.com / 33

books Pop Goes the Weasel, Albert Jack (Allen Lane)

F

ew of us really know the origins of the childhood nursery rhymes we know and -ahem- love. But, have no fear. In Pop Goes the Weasel, Albert Jack addresses this major gap in general knowledge so now, every unwitting child can not only know that Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, but also that the rhyme was a ‘piece of propaganda... entirely military in origin’ centred around a weapon of mass destruction used against the Roundheads. Riveting stuff, huh?

Jack combines useless details with weak attempts at comedy. Pop Goes the Weasel will do little more than arm readers for one question in a pub quiz and is definitely only one for those rare people who feel that they haven’t quite wasted enough time by just memorising these ridiculous rhymes in the first place. The wit used goes as far as to suggest that those silly ‘Boys and Girls’, who went ‘out to play’ with supernatural beasts of the night, really ought to have stayed in with the Playstation. I know Jack has good intentions and I do appreciate his move to educate the masses on little-known trivia while providing a book perfect for the role of recyclable Christmas present. But, maybe, just maybe, these meanings aren’t secret (as the title boldly claims). Maybe nobody cares.

Amelia Forsbrook

Therapy, Sebastien Fitzek (Pan Macmillan)

S

ebastian Fitzek’s debut novel Therapy overtook Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code as bestselling book in Germany two years ago. Now, it’s here to impress us. Or is it?

The central character in Therapy, the famous TV psychiatrist Viktor Larenz, has retreated to an isolated North Sea island as he is grieving over the loss of his twelve year old daughter, as she disappears.

Four years pass. Viktor’s wife and career have both deserted him and he remains struggling to retain his own sanity affixed with the refusal to believe that his daughter is dead. In this place of melancholic loneliness, a storm cuts communications and the psychologist is stalked by a schizophrenic author who claims that the characters she writes about come alive, the most recent of which is a young girl. Could it be his daughter she wrote about?

Tension and paranoia increase as the novel continues.

The reader is dragged through a traumatic ambience, a narrative sewn with twists timely placed as each short chapter reaches its climax. It is a very accessible read, sympathetic and saddening. This book might come back to haunt us as a bad Hollywood adaptation in a few years' time.

Natalia Popova

Books in Cardiff

all things literary and local...

20 October

24 October

·Cardiff University Creative Writing: Goff Morgan Poetry Reading, Bar One WMC. For the literature students among you, I'd imagine.

·Launch of The Mourning Vessels by Peter Luther. Waterstones, 6.30pm Free wine, and you meet an author ·Launch of Poetry in A Louder Voice

by Geraint D'arcy. Borders.

As above. Remember, it's free.

22 October ·Swansea University - Penny Simpson reading from The Banquet of Esther Rosenbaum Ok, not in Cardiff but Swansea's only an hour away.

34 / books@gairrhydd.com

25 October ·Preview of New Varjak Paw Opera.

12.30pm How exactly do you preview an Opera in a bookshop? I guess there's only one way to find out...

books

Literary lovers When Natalia Popova heard that Penguin had joined up with match.com for a literary dating site, she took it as her opportunity to find a male Cardiff student who knows his Oscar Wilde from his Jane Austen...

W

hen Match.com announced a collaboration with Penguin, the publishing house, www.penguindating.co.uk and the press releases announced that everyone who likes books could now find the perfect match using their new tool, I couldn’t wait to try it out. After setting up an account with Match.com I proceeded to create a profile, only to realise that the entire collaboration only results in a tiny extra feature you can add to your profile, called ‘last read’. So, having completed my profile and uploaded a photo on which I look nothing like my usual self, I proceeded to check out the boys.

Using Matchwords ™ I decided to look for someone with the same taste in books as me. Now, I must admit, I’m still working my way through the classics, and only ever read recent books when I review them for Quench. With my favourite author being Oscar Wilde, I decided to look for a man, aged between twenty and twenty- five in Cardiff, who mentions him on his profile. Alas, no such thing! In fact, expanding my search across all countries and all ages I couldn’t find a single man who likes him.

I then decided to proceed to just look at the Cardiff boys’ pictures and every time I spotted someone interesting (just a hint boys, a photoshopped photo of you in the shower will attract the wrong kind of attention!) I would have a look at their ‘last read’. Now, as it turns out, with ‘last read’ being a fairly new feature, very few people actually have it on their profile. Add to that that this feature is by no means compulsory, and there are barely any people at all who fill it in.

All in all, although the impact of the new feature was definitely blown out of proportion, it is a useful addition to the profiles. As perfect as it would be, finding someone purely on taste of books seems rather impossible, as there are always other factors, like age, profession, looks, and so on. Eventually, it does help. I, for a fact, know that I will never date a guy whose last read was the packaging of his frozen ready meal. Unless he is a very successful businessman who has no time for cooking, or reading… or me… so I might as well stick to my resolution.

"I read

The Sun, but I only look at the sports pages,

never page 3”

“Ooh me and my mates

invented a

game where u got to take the words outta cigarette packet warnings and make funny sentences"

"The last thing i read was the

news

paper on the canteen table where I work... wasnt very exciting haha” books@gairrhydd.com / 35

digital

DIGITAL \:101101010010100010001 0011001101100110011001110110110 0110110010011000101001010101010

T

o those uninitiated into the world of gaming review sites, they basically fall into two categories. The Gamespot idea, as I like to call it, involves receiving copious amounts of money from designers of mediocre games in order to boost that titles reputation to the lofty heights of ‘greatest game ever’. This is a slightly more controversial tactic of mercilessly berating any studio with the Gaul to even try and publish a game that doesn’t cure at least one of the worlds major diseases. Ben ‘Yahtzee’ Crawshaw’s Zero punctuation is the latter.

Some of you may be wondering why this is even worth a mention, but those are the people who have never seen Zero Punctuation before. If this is the case, put down the magazine and google it, these videos may well be the funniest four minute shorts on the internet.

To those who are well aware of the ‘foaming at the mouth’ ravings of Yahtzee, you will know that whilst his dry wit and mix of clever an crude comedic style are what endear you to his self indulgent views, it’s the observations he makes, that cut straight to the issues with the games, which will keep you coming back week after week.

His points are almost always issues that I have encountered with games, even if I wasn’t aware of them at the time. Going so far as to pose the question that keeps me

36 / digital@gairrhydd.com

up some nights: ‘what is so great about Halo?’ I mean really, how does Halo do anything different from the plethora of other testosterone infused frag-fests on the market?

Unlike many reviewers out there his critiques are always supported by examples and his barbs are delivered with impeccable timing.

Before you start thinking that I have constructed some kind of shrine in Yahtzee’s honour (do you have any idea how hard it is to get some of his hair?), I do have some reservations about his style.

For one, he seems to miss the wood for the trees at times, tearing a game apart for not linking the story.

Gameplay is all well and good, but he often misses the larger picture of why a game may simply be fun in spite of a few small gremlins in the works. As much as anyone, I value the artistic quality of games, but it is worth remembering that not all games are shooting for this. I would love to be in the board meeting where the developers pitch the idea of a purely art house title over making truckloads of EA style money.

Zero punctuation has become a staple of my gaming diet, and rightly so. Even if you are not a gamer this is worth checking out, simply just to learn a few new words and euphemisms for masturbation. Pure comedic gold, which needs to be taken with several truckloads of salt.

Tom Baker

PENDING.....

Fable 2 (xbox 360, PS3) For those who missed the last Fable you have a chance to redeem yourselves. Although the last title didn’t live up to mountains of hype piled on by the developers, this second instalment seems set to score big.

Motorstorm 2 (PS3) High octane thrills and spills await PS3 owners in October, the new multi-playekr function promises to keep us hooked for months.

digital

Rock Band

S

ince I bought Rock Band, it has been a mixed blessing.

On the one hand, I have broken two of the unforgivably badly designed drum pedals, the guitar is too heavy, its strum bar is awkward and the entirely unnecessary tone switch gets in the way of the whammy bar. On the other hand, I have played it so much that I have broken two drum pedals, my solo guitar tour is only being held up from completion by the five-minute fretwanking session in Green Grass And High Tides, and three of my housemates are also addicted.

Singstar brought the rhythm-action game into the mainstream four years ago, followed by Guitar Hero a year later and since then the genre has only become more popular. Rock Band is the obvious conclusion to the phenomenon with the addition of a drumkit, and it’s the best of the

games yet.

The tracklist is a triumph, with giants like Metallica, REM, The Who and the Foo Fighters mixing it with contemporary artists such as The Killers, Coheed And Cambria and Fallout Boy. It’s varied, highly discerning and consistently shows both excellent taste and good judgement in understanding what will be fun to play and what won’t.

Playing the game solo is fun in itself. I have become wedded to the drumkit, and I have realised that 30 minutes of drumming each day reaches the government’s recommended amount of exercise, conveniently both justifying my addiction and removing any need to do boring, wet and cold outdoor exercise.

Rock Band is really supposed to be played with friends, and when you do so, it’s probably the best party game ever created. In the traditionally male-dominated world of gaming, Rock Band holds equal appeal to both sexes in a way that neither Singstar or Guitar Hero can quite match, although they make admirable attempts.

Back in the day...

N ostalgia is a wonderful thing; there are some games that just still have that element of greatness. There is just something about them that even for those without rose-tinted goggles there is a lot to appreciate and enjoy.

These games are so cheap to buy you have nothing to lose from giving them a go. This short list is only the tip of the iceberg but these few really do bring back some of the fondest of gaming memories.

Diablo 2: Anyone who has played World of Warcraft has this little gem to thank for the core game play.

Diablo is a compelling Rpg that will gnaw away the hours like a horde of mice. The story, dungeons, thousands of items and weapons to collect will keep you locked in your

room for hours. If you feel a little lonely, play co-operatively with the endless fan base online.

Homeworld: To the best of my meagre knowledge this was the first fully 3d strategy game. Set in space you can move your fleet in all 360 degrees. At a grand age of 10 years old, this game is still easy on the eyes. A mixture of solid game play and interesting story make it an instant classic. Guide your fleet through the perils of hostile space to find their new home world.

Tie Fighter: A long long time ago, in a time when a Star Wars game could be good, there was Tie Fighter, a polished and solid space-flying simulator. X-Wing was indeed the predecessor but Tie Fighter took the best of X-Wing and made it even greater. Game play is fast, fluid and

The downloadable songs are another perk for the game. Whole albums are available in Rock Band format, and at about £1.50 a song or £12 for an album they’re very reasonably priced when you consider Guitar Hero charges are about the same and really, you are getting four tracks in one, one for each part.

Many of you will be put off by the price, with the full instrument pack coming in at at least £100 depending on your supplier plus £40 for the game, but if you consider it as an investment, it’s well worth it. Alternatively, wait for Rock Band 2, with its improved drumkit, and then buy the original game to go along with it. Either way, you’re going to have endless hours of entertainment.

I’m four months in and still playing…

Richard Wood

keeps you coming back for more.

You start off as a rookie pilot dog fighting amongst the stars. Through the various tours of duty you increase your rank to uncover a rather gripping plot.

Thief: The Dark Project: Forget Metal Gear Solid, Thief was the ultimate and first sneak ‘em up with its stealthy and steady paced play-style.

As a member of the thieves guild while robbing mansions and castles to your hearts content you end up using your skills of deception and thievery to save the day. Shadows and soft surfaces to hide your footsteps are your best friend whilst light and reverberant corridors are your enemy. Don’t expect combat skills to help you bag prize loot!

Liam Charalambous

digital@gairrhydd.com / 37

30 / arts@gairrhydd.com

music

inmusicthisweek

live:foals

features:wildbeasts

albums:loscamp!

musiceditorial newsinbrief Swn Line Up

Wheyyy, Huw Stephens's second Swn line-up is announced and it's hot like the sun. If you're not familliar with how this works it's bascially Camden Crawl but you don't have to move as far because it's right on your doorstep. Quench's ones to watch include Clinic, Tubelord, Rolo Tomassi, Volcano!, and the almost ridiculously good Dananananakroyd. Log on to the glorious pink website and buy yourself a ticket to the most exciting event Cardiff has to offer. Although the line-up is all but completed now, expect a few surprises still to be announced - that's if the Music grapevine is to be trusted.

New Venue

The most exciting item in this weeks news is surely that Cardiff is to finally get a brand spanking new venue. Not only that, but it's going to be whopping big.

The 800 capacity SUB29 will be located on Wood Street near Cardiff Central and should mean we'll actually steal some bands away from Bristol, and that saves us all some dollar. Hopefully they won't do a Barfly and whack two pillars in the middle of the room so nobody can see a bloody thing. The grand opening will be on November 16th which is also the final night of Swn Festival.

Hmm I smell some kind of grand plan and I like it.

discoverlocal...

K

ruger have quite a lineup secured for their run of Tell the Police the Truth nights, to be held this autumn at Clwb Ifor Bach. Among the exciting prospect of This Town Needs Guns, The Week That Was and So So Modern are tonight’s headliners Barringtone.

Unfortunately, despite being reasonably interested in Barringtone beforehand, I found them underwhelming (a) because their

Small Children Go to a gig at the Union and they’re everywhere; glow-sticks, ravepaint, smiling, it’s unbearable. Last week we here at Quench Music packed off to see Foals and were none too pleased to see their happy little faces bouncing around our Union, especially when the scamps tried to coax us unto buying them drinks. No son, we ain’t no drinks runners. At bedtime, and when Foals had played Cassius, they finally trotted off home leaving us with the bright idea of 18+ gigs at the Great Hall. So here’s to that. Let’s rid children and their accursed enthusiasm from the few half-decent shows we actually get in our Union.

Blue Wall. Clwb Ifor Bach. 25.09.08

sound-check is, by the sound of things, only for aesthetics and (b) because hairy metal drummers and pop music are mutually exclusive. On a brighter note, however, what they establish is that preppy three-piece Blue Wall - who provide the support tonight - are really quite good.

It’s only right for us here at Music to support our local bands, and in the case of Blue Wall it’s a pleasure to do so. Playing their way through a jaunty set of short,

punchy pop songs it brings a real ray of sunshine into the bottom floor of Clwb Ifor Bach. Varying between arpeggios and spiky power-chords - and complimented by some spectacularly nifty bass work - Blue Wall succeed in producing straight-forward indiepop with real enthusiasm. For all present tonight, this was really the highlight. Watch out for Blue Wall at their slot at this year’s Swn Festival.

music

a bluffer’s guide to...

2 TONE

Ben Marshall delves into his record collection to explore the influential Coventry based Ska label and some of its most notorious signees

T

o be from Coventry in the 1970s was to be discontented, miserable and full of impotent rage. Thatcherite policies basically dismantled the main industry of the Midlands, leaving the greater populace out of work and pissed off. Race relations were strained at best, and alcoholism and casual violence meant that Cov was a thoroughly unpleasant place to be, all things considered.

Not the most fruitful situation for the founding of a socio-political musical movement, but in spite of the inherent obstacles, an art school ponce, a surly rockabilly, a couple of Jamaican rudeboys, a jazz drummer and a dash of ex mods and skinheads all came together under the banner of 2 Tone Records to provide one of the most thrilling, but mercurial musical scenes of the 20th Century.

Mixing Ska, Dub, Punk and even Power Pop to extraordinary effect, soundtracking the urban paranoia and the inevitable race riots that came to plague Britain in the late 1970s. 2 Tone also had a far reaching influence into popular culture, influencing third wave ska-punk in the USA with bands such as Rancid and Operation Ivy holding them up as major influences on their work.

More contemporary artists such as Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and Dub Pistols have also acknowledged the influence that the 2 Tone movement has had upon their work.

The Specials Clearly the figurehead for the move-

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ment, lasting a mere 2 albums before imploding after the pressures of touring America,the band started off with a frantic reimagining of 60s Ska infused with the white hot rage of the punk aesthetic. However, as the band progressed into their second album the band moved into more experimental territory, embracing muzak and Russian Choral music.

Seriously. Jerry Dammers' iconic apathetic drawl mixed in with the frenetic rhythms of Lynval Johnson and Terry Hall meant that the band would become timeless. With rumours abounding about reformations, interest in the band has been at an all time high and a reinvestigation of their work is long overdue.

Madness Camden's Nutty Boys consisting of various ragtag skinheads have often been perceived as the poppier outlet of the 2 Tone, but with tracks like Embar-

rassment, demonstrated a deep understanding of the trials and tribulations of the new multiculturalism that had gripped the country at the time. Explosive performances and strong songwriting cemented their reputation as one of the central acts of the 2 Tone era. Despite their later dealings with Stiff Records, the band have always maintained that they are at heart a 2 Tone act, and have proved to be ultimately the longest lasting of the original 2 Tone acts.

The Bodysnatchers Although they may seem a footnote in the ledger of music (they only released 2 singles before disbanding), The Bodysnatchers embodied the diversity of 2 Tone. The only all girl band on the 2 Tone roster managed to produce some of the more upbeat and exuberant numbers, and following on from their all too shortlived success integrated themselves into other 2 Tone acts such as The Special AKA and The Beat.

music

Wild Beasts

Kyle Ellison talks to band members Hayden Thorpe and Chris Talbot about singing, pop music and what the future holds for Wild Beasts

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he music industry is swamped with bands both good and bad. Coming and going like Newcastle managers a band might be thrust into the limelight out of virtually nowhere, but they’ll often leave that limelight just as quickly. What creates staying power then, is an original talent; something which screams out of Wild Beasts’ debut album Limbo, Panto both literally and metaphorically.

What I’m of course alluding to is that voice; the very thing which cuts through every moment of the music the band make creating something special and unique. Despite this inescapable element to the bands music, however, vocalist Hayden Thorpe is keen to point out he doesn’t see Wild Beasts as a vocal orientated band.

“I can understand why people would see us as vocal based, but we’ve tried to produce an immediacy in our music. The more striking element of pop music definitely needs to be there – and then once you scratch the surface there

should be different layers – I think we’ve got that.”

Even so, a band like Wild Beasts will always be marketed on the strength of two singing voices that truly mesmerise. When asked about comparisons made in the press to the likes of Kate Bush, Thorpe describes the singer as a great role model.

“Kate Bush is a great example of an artist who has been sold on her voice as being unique, but how many people have covered Kate Bush songs? So there must be a quality lying at the heart of them which is great”.

It's this pop sensibility which has helped Wild Beasts receive both critical and public acclaim, something the band are thankful for but not completely surprised by.

“I’m not surprised that people have taken to us because I think we do something of creative worth” Talbot, “We make music that we’d want to hear and we stand for things that we think are worth standing for. I think we make music for the right reasons and part of

the beauty of it is that it challenges and confronts people” It’s perhaps no surprise that the band look to classic pop influences for inspiration growing up around the Lake District in Kendal, as they explain trends in modern music were difficult to follow away from the more thriving musical cities in the UK. “The trends never passed through Kendal so we grew up finding our own music. This is definitely important because in 1015 years time there’s always one band that survives out of a scene and two dozen bands that don’t.

So if we’re creating our own little movement, I suppose we’d hope to stand out in years to come”.

Whether or not that will be the case remains to be seen, but with touring commitments keeping them busy until Christmas and a second album already in the works, it seems like Wild Beasts have a long and prosperous career ahead of them. I, for one, can’t wait to see what they do next.

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music

albums albums albums albums

JAY REATARD Matador Records '08

SWEET BABOO The Mighty Baboo

OASIS Dig Out Your Soul

Matador

Businessman Records

Big Brother

rolific Memphis born PunkRocker Jay Reatard returns with this collection of singles put out by Matador. Reatard is famous for the sheer amount of songs he writes, reputedly one a day. He's like a fucking poop factory man. Many have been released as 7'' singles with many rarities existing which even he doesn't own copies of. This compilation features all six of the limited edition series of seven inches released by Matador this year..

As far as the music goes its mostly straight-up rollicking garage rock; fuzzy chords, simple bass lines, energetic vocals and bursts of drums are the order of the day, and that's no bad thing. From the terrific See/ Saw to I'm Watching You the album is over in under half an hour, still, it should tide over all you reatards until Jay's next proper release due out next year. He promises a more melodic mood so watch this space and try and catch this man when he comes down to Bristol soon.

Guy Ferneyhough

ith a band behind him and after releasing a couple of solo singles it seems Wales’ own Stephen Black is fed up with his recent habit of whoring himself out to various people’s musical projects and has released his debut album under the name Sweet Baboo.

And sweet it is, with stories of love and life that don't take themselves too seriously. The Mighty Baboo album is full of big sounds, maybe something to do with being partly recorded in a church. A self proclaimed ‘good soul’, Sweet Baboo’s lyrics are engaging but the songs don’t make me jump up and down with excitement.

Hearing the album for the first time does make people comment ‘oh, this is nice, who is it?’ though and it makes you want to be sitting round campfires, toasting marshmallows on long summer evenings. Skip Putting Things in Boxes and Places, it’s pure dullness, but make up with listening to the pretty Wolfie 93 twice instead.

Amy Hall

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asis are back! And they’re here to save British rock and roll. Again. At least that’s the belief with each and every anticipated release from the Mancunian four piece.

Kicking off with the swaggering Bag it Up, there is a feeling that perhaps this time they intend to live up to their promise. The next few songs don’t disappoint, the bands familiar hooks and sneering riffs indicate a refreshingly revived sound.

The feeling is, however, short lived as the album wanes towards the more customary Beatles rip-offs with I’m Outta Time and the sitar soaked To Be Where There’s Life.

There are moments which remind you what a great band Oasis once were; Falling Down stands out as perhaps one of Noel’s finest songs to date. For a band that were once so instant, some might say this is ultimately a confused, more conflicted offering which loses you almost as quickly as it draws you in.

Adam Woodward

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music

albums albums albums albums FUCKED UP

LOS CAMPESINOS!

MURS

The Chemistry Of Common Life

We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

Murs For President

Matador

Wichita

Warner Bros.

IY punks Fucked Up strive to be inventive; last year they had a hit with the 18 minute long Year of the Pig and to launch this album they're playing a marathon 12 hour set in a record shop. The Chemistry of Common Life continues in this worthy vain of endeavouring to innovate, with mixed results.

The core of this record is energetic power chords and angry vocals, and Fucked Up have this down to a tee, but while they abide by the 'rules' of punk, they also break them. Album opener Son of the Father starts with a 40 second flute solo, Golden Seal is all ambience, and most of the songs are about five minutes long.

I feel conflicted by this, on the one hand power to them for trying something different and breaking down barriers, but at times it all feels a bit contrived. Crooked Head is a great song, but surely it would be more effective had it lasted only half of its six minutes.

The album certainly makes for an interesting listen, but it's not half as ground-breaking as it aspires to be.

Fucked Up are at their best when they're at their loudest, angriest and most immediate, and that's a bit of shame because innovation is a good thing. Nevertheless, there's enough honest punk on here to make it an enjoyable listen.

Guy Ferneyhough

he word from Los Campesinos is that We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed is not to be their official second album, but rather a collection to document the progress being made by the seven-piece. With this in mind, it’s difficult to establish whether this should act as an extension of February’s vivacious debut album or as a separate project.

We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed certainly continues the witty, selfdeprecatory commentaries of youth demonstrated earlier this year, albeit with slightly more musical restraint.

The frantic pop explosions housed within Hold On Now, Youngster are replaced with a more premeditated approach, and the result is certainly more cohesive than the debut. Interlude Between An Erupting Earth And An Exploding Sky and slow burner Heart Swells/Pacific Daylight Time offer more deliberation than we saw earlier this year, and are well positioned to break the album’s ten tracks successfully.

At just over half an hour, Los Campesinos second outing is concise, but it's short length is no hindrance and makes it easily digestible. It may not be huge departure from eight months ago, but We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed is a worthy sequel and every bit as enjoyable as the debut.

Phil Guy

s the US presidential election kicks into its nail biting finale, a shock late entry from west coast rapper Murs has sent a wave of optimism through the states.

Yes, the former underground hip-hopper has finally completed his make or break switch to corporate giants Warner Brothers, and if this one flops it certainly won't be down to a lack of ambition.

"Don't ever let the fact you can't be perfect, stop you from doing your best" spits Murs on I'm Innocent, and it's this attitude which makes Murs For President such a charming listen. Whilst like many a major label debut the album is consciously less provocative musically, with mainstream Hip Hop in its current state Murs' calm, dry witted MC style is a breath of fresh air.

Long term running partner 9th Wonder collaborates on a handful of tracks keeping the production interesting, and a highlight contribution form DJ Khalil on Think You Know Me sounds like something straight out of 90's era G-funk. By Murs' high standards this is far from a perfect album, but it stands head and shoulders above its current competition. Vote for Murs.

Kyle Ellison

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music

live live live live live live live FOALS Great Hall 28/09/08

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the velocity and verve of an Andy Roddick serve. Cassius, Mathletics and Hummer all follow and a circle pit breaks out. Yannis tries to connect with the audience by asking about the credit crunch, but the truth is most of them are so young they don’t even have debit cards. Foals were very good musically and the audience was whipped up, but there was much intimacy as you’d get from shagging a blow-up doll.

Guy Ferneyhough

this band rather ominously – arguably the result of rather lazy reviewing but nonetheless more than a reason for concern.

Playing to a crowd of trendy young go-getters and people in sunglasses, Friendly Fires bound through a set comprising material from their aforementioned album, and predictably it all goes down extremely well. Singles Paris and Photobooth receive a rapturous reception, and it’s clear from the offset that the St. Albans quartet are more than happy to enjoy their stint in the limelight this winter, and there’s leaping, closed eyes and air-punching

throughout. Despite the enthusiasm, however, Friendly Fires are undeniably derivative: there’s so much here that’s been done before with more cohesion and certainly more personality. The influences on show here are hardly eclectic: there’s clear echoes of Klaxons and The Rapture coming through, and unfortunately little is offered otherwise. Don’t get me wrong, Friendly Fires perform their set well, and it goes down a storm, but it’s a struggle to see how such straight-laced indie-dance will have any staying power amidst such a rapidly developing music scene.

Phil Guy

photo: Ryan Atkinson

he Oxford quintet, having conquered the charts and the festival circuit, are now headlining their own nationwide tour, and they’ve brought along some fresh talent to showcase to the people.

First on are Maps & Atlases. Due

to a ridiculously early stage time of 7.30 most people missed the Illinois mathmeticians, and although there were some sound problems they mustered up a stellar set. Next up were Wild Beasts, the best thing to come out of Kendal since mint cake.

Hayden Thorpe’s bulging falsetto was a bit much for some of the audience, but they won some new fans.

Foals finally arrive onstage to a fanfare of raised camera phones and chants of “FOALS, FOALS, FOALS”.

The band smash into a raucous version of The French Open with all

FRIENDLY FIRES Clwb Ifor Bach 04/10/08

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ollowing the release of their self-titled debut album in September, it’s difficult to approach tonight’s sold-out show at Clwb Ifor Bach without a certain degree of apprehension.

Friendly Fires are a buzz band, and while this in itself is a reason to be wary, the added ingredient of uncertainty is that the dreaded new-rave tag has hung around

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music

Listings

singlesoftheweek

Tuesday 14th Stiff Little Fingers @ The Point The Subways @ Bristol Academy CSS @ Bristol Thekla

Thursday 16th This Town Needs Guns@ Clwb The Stranglers @ Students'

Union Picture Books In Winter @ 10 Feet Tall

Friday 17th The Streets @ Bristol Academy

Sunday 19th Circulus @ The Point 3 Doors Down @ Bristol Academy

Tuesday 21st Esser @ Cardiff Barfly

Wednesday 22nd Truckers Of Husk @ Clwb The Hoosiers @ CIA Raging Speedhorn @ Barfly

Thursday 23rd Attack & Defend @ 10 Feet Tall Oasis @ CIA Does It Offend You, Yeah? @ Bristol Academy Metronomy @ Bristol Thekla

Friday 24th Hot Chip @ Students' Union

Saturday 25th The Pipettes @ The Bristol Cooler Pete & The Pirates @ Barfly

Sunday 26th Kids In Glass Houses @ Students' Union

Monday 27th Vessels @ Buffalo The Rifles @ Bristol Thekla

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Deerhunter

Nothing Ever Happened 9

Energy 52

7

4AD

Cafe Del Mar '08 One Little Indian

Uh oh, hold the phone! Looks like we’ve got a modern alt/indie classic on our hands. Unforgettable bassline, sing-along verses and a thumper of a chorus; Deerhunter hit the nail on the head with this. KE

Possibly the most well known dance track from ‘back in the day’ as Pete Tong will tediously refer to it, but still as brill as now, although the inevitable fuckpile of remixes will clearly chuff it all up. RVD

Alesha Dixon

Errors

Boy Does Nothing Asylum Records

9

It has a whiff of Mambo No. 5 about it, but aside from that nagging doubt, the rest of the song is actual genius. A fantastic call-and-response chorus, use of trumpets without Mark Ronson. BP

Last Shadow Puppets MMWMFY Domino

5

Pump Rock Action

8

Epic from one of the year's best debuts. Hell yeah. Plus it's got a bit that sounds like Sonic. And also a bit that sounds like Justice.

It's long, there are time for these things. PG

Oasis

3

Shock Of The Lightning Big Brother

Nothing apart from Alex Turners distinctive voice makes this track stand out. Sounding like slightly cheesy jazz, this single is little more than easy-listening background music.

BMK

Oasis are back! With a song that sounds just like every other song they've ever written. Which could be a compliment. Although, in this case, it's just not. LO

Keane

Sugababes

Lovers Are Losing Island Records

8

I’m going to have to eat my hat, because Keane have finally made an ace song. Lush synths, and a soaring chorus make for a pop pick that wouldn’t be out of place on Hot Fuss.

HH

Girls Island Records

3

A song for inebriated slappers to kick off their heels and convince themselves that all they need is their ‘bezzie girls’ and the crushing loneliness will pass. Truly excreable. DDT

Tired of meaningless sexual encounters?

Bored of searching for a soulmate in the snakebite doused, labyrinthine recesses of the Students’ Union?

Then perhaps we can help you to find...

MR RIGHT OR MS PERFECT

FREE MEAL FREE PARTNER FREE LOVE* Email our lucious hostesses now at blinddate@gairrhydd.com to arrange a blind date. You provide the conversation and we’ll keep the wine flowing. Our dedicated sultry love goddesses are pretty damn good at this sort of thing. In fact, they're experts at enticing Cupid’s arrow to the table, and guarantee that your blind date will be the single most satisfying evening of your life, ever. *possibly-

news rumours conjecture

LUCAS PONDERS ON INDY V In a recent interview with the LA Times, Harrison Ford stated that George Lucas is “in think mode” over a fifth Indiana Jones movie.

Needless to say, this will excite fans of the series who flocked to see the latest instalment Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull this summer.

GEORGE A ROMERO PREPS NEW FLICK The master of zombie flicks is returning with a new addition to his horror franchise. Filming under the facetious working title ‘Something of the Dead’, the film is expected to hit screens later next year. Although his last venture was a little disappointing by his standards, the veteran horror director has hinted at a return to form.

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ARNIE WILL BE BACK After photographs showing the Californian Governor on the set of Terminator: Salvation surfaced recently, rumours about his potential involvement in the film have understandably spread. Although it is not yet clear whether this was anything more than just a meet and greet, the prospect of Arnie appearing in the upcoming sequel has many fans of the series very excited.

MARTY AND BOBBY REUNITE FOR MOB DRAMA According to recent reports in Variety magazine, Martin Scorcese has signed on to direct I Heard You Paint Houses for Paramount. The gangster based thriller will see the acclaimed director re-kindle his affair with his first love (sorry Leo) Robert De Niro, who is set to lead the cast.

THIS WE HAVE MOSTLY BEEN

THIS WEEK WE HAVE MOSTLY THINKING...

BEEN THINKING..

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Is it just me or is it really wrong to refer to actors as if you are their pal? I'd say so. It's really been getting my goat hearing both de Niro and Pacino referred to as 'Marty' and 'Bobby'. Not cool, retard.

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film

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film

2

Nicholas Cage: giant weener or acting genius?

Pros: The Weatherman and Adaptation. Cons: GHOST RIDER and National Treasure.

Make your own minds up but I know where my loyalties lie (Weener).

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Hey, so it's October which means it's Halloween, which means fancy dress, which means this year every fucker will be dressed up as the Joker. How fucking original.

Paul Newman: screen icon, p. 54

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Pegg takes the part of the classic underdog arsehole how to lose friends and alienate people Dir: David Gordan Green Cast: Simon Pegg, Megan Fox, Out now, 110 mins Synopsis: Sardonic journalist Sidney Young (Pegg) is sick and tired of being shut out of the celebrity party. His magazine ‘The PostModern Review’ is no-budget, non-professional and going nowhere. After being offered a job at New York’s ‘Sharps’ magazine, it seems his big break has finally arrived. Put on the celebrity gossip section, will he sink or swim?

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ow to Lose Friends and Alienate People takes its basis from Toby Young’s memoir of the same name and transposes it onto the basic Hollywood comedy of errors formula, with the typical “stay true to yourself” moral and predictably happy ending. It’s not a reinvention of the wheel – more The Devil Wears Prada with a British male lead.

Kirsten Dunst ticks the obliga-

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tory “inevitable love interest totty” box as Sidney’s ‘Sharps’ co-worker Alison Olsen, and Danny Huston is the basic sleazy boss. It’s Pegg who takes his role to a whole new level, taking the part of the classic underdog arsehole from the memoir and adding his own loveable spin to it. By the end of the film, you’ll be rooting for him despite yourself.

One of the film’s most surprising successes comes in the form of X-Files veteran Gillian Anderson as Eleanor Johnson, the imposingly formidable PR woman for the host of young stars courted by ‘Sharps’.

Her fierceness provides a great striking point for Pegg’s buffoonery and underlines the satirical elements at play throughout the film.

Up-and-comer Megan Fox is also strikingly apt for the role of Sophie Maes, the in-demand young starlet who forms the object of Sidney’s affections.

Irksome, though, is that although the main characters have hinted-at depths, these are left unexplored.

It is mentioned, for example, that Sidney has a solid intellectual background, yet none of this is really shown in his actions and it’s left as just that: a tantalising yet frustrating implication which, if followed

“ through, could satisfactorily round out the character. As a result, some of the characters, particularly Sidney’s immediate superior Lawrence Maddox, feel a little flat.

While fans of Pegg’s previous work may be slightly disappointed by the fact that there’s nothing to match “you’ve got red on you” or “whoah there, pickle!” in terms of quotability, but there are still enough one-liners (particularly in Sidney and Allison’s first encounter in a New York bar) and ingenious slapstick set-ups to keep you laughing. There’s also a binge of cameo appearances in a hilariously chaotic office scene which will satisfy the Britcom buffs. And this is before we even reach the ‘limpy piggy dance’ – I won’t ruin this highlight too much, but trust me when I say that it’s practically worth the cost of the cinema ticket just to see it.

If it’s a fun, easy watch you’re after, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is definitely one to watch, particularly if you’re a fan of either the rom-com genre or Simon Pegg. And if you just want to see a grown man dancing like a limpy piggy? Oh yes.

Emma Davies

****

film

hunger Dir: Steve McQueen Cast: Michael Fassbender, Stuart Graham Out now, 96 mins Synopsis: It is 1981 in a Northern Irish prison, and tensions are close to boiling point. Steve McQueen’s controversial Hunger tracks the last six weeks of the life of Bobby Sands, an IRA prisoner protesting against the treatment of inmates as common criminals rather than prisoners of war.

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ne of the most striking aspects of the film is the absolute minimum of dialogue used, leaving the extraordinary central scene – in which Sands (Fassbender) debates the morality and consequences of his actions with a Catholic priest – to pack a weighty punch with the viewer.

The fairly graphic violence depicted in the film makes for uncomfortable viewing at not irregular intervals, especially for the squeamish, yet the fact that this violence is shown from all angles stops the film from feeling biased towards either side. As riot police beat a prisoner with truncheons, one policeman is shown hiding and weeping, whilst the ferocity of the inmates’ smashing of their cell contents is shown to be almost as terrifying.

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superbly cast and superlatively realised

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Hunger marks out McQueen as a director to watch out for in the future, having won him both the Cannes ‘Caméra d’Or’ award, as well as a mixture of walkouts and standing ovations. Superbly casted – particularly Michael Fassbender’s portrayal of the unshakeably committed Sands – and superlatively realised, Hunger is a triumph for British film. A brave and unflinching take upon a complicated and touchy issue, raising questions which haunt the viewer long after the final credits.

Emma Davies

*****

righteous kill Dir: John Avnet Cast: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Curtis Jackson Out now, 101 mins Synopsis: When a previously solved case resurfaces, two NYPD detectives find themselves on the trail of a vigilante serial killer. Now approaching retirement after 30 years on the force, the partner’s last case will prove to be their toughest yet.

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he most talked about reunion since the blue Smartie returned has finally arrived.

De Niro. Pacino. The movie poster sells itself. But Jon Avnet’s highly anticipated cop thriller is ultimately a more tepid affair than the last time these two acting behemoths met. That was, of course, way back in 1995 in Michael Mann’s seminal shootout flick Heat. Sadly the similarities end here. This ain’t no Heat.

And Avnet? Well, frankly, he ain’t no Mann.

Generously the director ensures that his star attractions share a decent amount of screen time together, the pair playing long time partners Turk (De Niro) and Rooster (Pacino). While this may keep Al and Bobby’s more ardent fans relatively content, the film neglects any real substance and offloads a threadbare plot onto its hapless protagonists. Although it’s

been a while since we’ve seen either of the Tinseltown titans in anything noteworthy, it is nevertheless discomforting watching sharks flounder in an empty tank. This is mainly the cause of a lumbering narrative riddled with jerky cuts and irrelevant flashbacks, which carry an assortment of bizarre characters; Rambo ‘the skateboarding pimp’ by far the prize pick. That’s not forgetting Curtis ‘Fiddy Cent’ Jackson’s turn as Spider, a brutish drug spindling gangster who takes idiocy to wearying new peaks. Turk and Rooster’s (it sounds more like an 80s’ buddy movie throwback each time you say it) fumbling dialogue grates, but Jackson’s slack jawed drone is at times inaudible.

Borrowed clichés and seedy quips string together a lurid script, that makes inadvertent fools of its two leading legends. “There’s nothing wrong with a bit of shooting as long as the right people get shot” proclaims Turk. What a delightfully enlightened moral that is.

The duo’s on screen presence lacks that once formidable swagger and there is a distinct feeling that this is merely routine work for the veterans. To substitute substance for style is nothing short of ignorant, and ultimately proves to be the films greatest shortcoming as the plot wanes towards self-parody.

Everyone wants to see two heavy weights in the same ring, but put them in the same corner and you lose fight.

Adam Woodward

**

film@gairrhydd.com / 51

SIMON Emma Davies meets Britain's best loved geek.

Assuming it’s not Con Air, what is the best film ever made?

It’s a tough one; there are so many great films out there. I suppose one of the films that convinced me that film-making could be funny in terms of the direction was Raising Arizona by the Coen brothers. It’s one of the most complicated and demanding roles played, because the audience could have just loathed this character.

How did you prepare to play such a peculiar individual?

I did actually meet Toby a couple of times, but I made the decision quite early on not to play him. I kind of figured I had free range to play the part from the page rather than from the man. That whole journey that Sidney makes from being objectionable to being someone with humility was very much there and I have to thank Peter [Straughan, scriptwriter] for that.

I wonder if this film was perfectly timed for you, because in your own career you’re trying to make it in America. Do you empathise with Sidney?

I don’t really have a game plan to make it in America because I’m trying to just work and you just want to keep doing good stuff. Inevitably as an actor you’re gonna gravitate towards that part of town. When I say

52 30 /film@gairrhydd.com

PEGG

town, I mean world. So, yeah, there were definitely the parallels.

You’ve been the subject of a few profiles yourself. What’s the worst one and what was the worst thing that was in it?

I think there was a profile once in the Independent on Sunday that had clearly just read my Wikipedia page, which is just full of apocryphal nonsense. Fortunately for me that was the worst thing I’ve read.

I’m assuming that, like Sidney, as you’re becoming more well known in America you’re experiencing the first show of “pinch me” moments?

That happens all the time when you’re in LA but it’s never not surprising.

Working on this movie, do-

ing the scenes with Jeff Bridges was amazing. There’s incidents too frequently to even pick out a single one.

You tend to play very likeable characters on screen: is this something you want to subvert in future roles?

As I said, I don’t really have a game plan; it’s just you read a script and you do it. It depends what comes up next. The most important thing for me is that I enjoy my job, going to work in the morning and making the film.

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With the release of How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, Francesca Jarvis takes a look at the rise of five of Britain's most prolific comedic figures...

nick frost Perhaps most famous for his role as Pegg's real-life pal, or as his pretend one as Ed in Shaun of the Dead, Frost's film career boasts stints in Hot Fuzz, Penelope and Kinky Boots. Frost's 'downfall though, is arguably constant comparisons to Pegg's unrivalled success since their early starts in Spaced. Unfair perhaps, but with a lot to offer, Frost could do with losing the tag of 'best mate' and making a name for himself on his own terms.

simon pegg

In film terms, arguably the most successful boy of the bunch, Pegg's

career has sky-rocketed since the days of Spaced and Shaun of the Dead. Pegg is the living proof that childhood dreams can really turn themselves into reality, and very much deservedly so.

russell brand Winner of The Sun's acclaimed Shagger of the Year for 2 years on the trot, Brand's transition from notorious tele-playboy to international film 'hunk' has been questionable at best. According to Wikipedia, fountain of all that is accurate and fair, his stint in Forgetting Sarah Marshall was his 'breakthrough' role. As unsure about that as I am, Brand is still a refreshing face in an otherwise relatively stale comedic sea across the Atlantic.

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ricky gervais The Office and Extras are amazingly fantastic in their own right; critically well-received, well-written, wellperformed and beautifully awkward.

Unfortunately for Gervais, the same cannot be said for his film endeavours. Four words: Night at the Museum.

edgar wright

Wright's emergence into cinema has come along the same route as Pegg and Frost's; from humble beginnings in Spaced to the critical and commercial success of Shaun of the Dead, to follow-up Hot Fuzz, plus a directorial cameo in Tarantino and Rodriguez's Grindhouse, Wright has proved himself as a tour de force in British comedy as well as British film.

WHO DIED AND MADE YOU FUCKING KING OF THE ZOMBIES?

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F

rom small-time starts in stand-up and cult television shows, spanning fourteen years, 6 BAFTA nominations, 6 Emmy nominations, 3 Golden Globe wins and rights sold in over 80 countries, these boys have winded up some of the most influential names in British comedy.

From Spaced to The Office, from Extras to Big Brother's Big Mouth, TV's biggest losses have proved some of British film's biggest gains...

film@gairrhydd.com / 53

film

The

Bluest Eyes

in the Business

Paul

Newman

had it all: style, grace

and irresistible

magnetism

54 /film@gairrhydd.com

s c r e e n i c o n s

H

e was a star who embraced the ordinary, shying away from the precarious heights of Hollywood fame in search of a more modest life. With those devastating blue eyes and classic sex appeal, he could have gone the way of so many wayward, inflated stars.

But he didn’t. At the height of his fame, a recently divorced Paul met actress Joanne Woodward, the pair married and moved into a humble farmhouse in Connecticut. That was fifty years ago, and it is where the Newman’s have resided ever since.

Born in 1925 in Cleveland, Ohio, he acted throughout high school and college and eventually enrolled at the esteemed New York Actors Studio. After finding success in small television roles, his dream of breaking into the movies came true in 1954’s The Silver Chalice. Fame was far from instant, however. The film flopped and Newman himself declared it such a travesty that he took out an ad in Variety apologising to anyone who might have seen it. A decade later and he was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood, after celebrated roles in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958), Cool Hand Luke (1967) and perhaps his most recognised Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969). His legendary career spanned five decades, during which time he received wide academy acclaim being nominated for 10 Oscars, winning the Best Actor gong in 1987 for The Color of Money.

In May Paul was diag-

nosed with lung cancer, an illness which he battled with for months, but which he eventually succumbed to on September 26. His legacy as an actor will live on through the roles he played, but it is his work outside of the cinema which lays testament to a great man who will be deeply missed. A dedicated humanitarian, Paul founded Newman’s Own food company in 1982 with writer A.E. Hotchner. To date their salad dressings and sauces have amassed some $200 million of revenue, the proceeds of which have gone directly to charity.

Paul Newman was an icon. But it was his off-screen character and integrity which he will be remembered for most. His performances, which are loved by so many, will be revered for years to come.

Undoubtedly, history will serve as tribute to the man behind the blue eyes.

Adam Woodward

film

A

h, the humble opening scene. In the dark depths of time, before VHS was a twinkle in it’s daddy’s eye, it was enough to merely list the cast and crew whilst deafening your audience with ridiculously melodramatic music. No longer. In a post Bond era, the first five minutes of a movie can make or break a film’s opening weekend. More importantly, the opening scene has become last remaining opportunity for true directorial self indulgence. With that in mind then, sit back and enjoy our top 5 opening scenes.

FIGHT CLUB (1999) Making opening credits interesting or original is not an easy task (just ask Sam Raimi), but David Fincher’s ‘swing a camera around Ed Norton’s brain before pulling it out of his mouth and up the shaft of a gun’ technique works spiffingly.

Surprisingly, Ed Norton (as far as we know) didn’t throw a massive hissy fit during it’s filming despite the fact that getting a camera into his head must a hurt at least a little bit.

FULL METAL JACKET (1987) Stanely Kubrick initially gave the role of Gunnery Sgt. Hartmann to a professional television and film actor (not coal miner). After witnessing former US Marine Corps drill instructor R. Lee Ermey’s drilling demonstration video (suppress your immature titters please), in which he hurled obscene but surprisingly inventive insults at people for 15 minutes without stopping, repeating himself, or suffering an aneurysm all while being pelted with oranges and tennis balls, he changed his mind and cast Ermy. The result?

“Wipe that stupid grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you.” Nice.

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS (2002) The second film in a trilogy is always the most difficult to open.

Indeed, reintroducing a viewer back into Middle-Earth without resorting to a condescending montage proved almost too much for Peter Jackson. Almost, but not quite. His epic opening shot sweeps over the majestic New Zeland mountains, before plunging through the sheer rock face and thrusting the audience into one of the most memorable battles of all time. Awe inspiring, breathtaking, magnificent.

Yooooooouuuuu shaall not pass.

MEMENTO (2000) Memento opens with the very last shot of the film. Not, I here you say, THAT original. That the shot is the only shot, in a film that is chronologically reversed, that actually plays backwards…that IS special. And confusing. Watching it back, it is clear that as Guy Pearce shakes the Polaroid and the image of Joe Pantoliano’s bloodied corpse slowly fades to white, the scene acts as a paradigm for the entire movie. Did I get that first time round? Did I heck. Who’d of thought that shaking a photo backwards could be so

clever?

THE LIFE OF BRIAN (1979) In true Python style, the opening of The Life of Brian is chaotic, wanton and downright genius. Three wise men file into a small stable to worship a newly born babe having followed a star to the town of Bethlehem. Bringing gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh the men pay tribute to the boy before being ushered hastily out of the door by his shrieking hag of a mother. As it turns out, it’s only the ethereally lit stable next door that houses the son of God in it (he’s a Capricorn don’t you know). Said ‘wise’ men hastily return to retrieve their presents and push over previously mentioned hag.

It sets the tone for the funniest movie of all time.

Words - Sim Eckstein Images - Benjamin Phillips

film@gairrhydd.com / 55

30 / arts@gairrhydd.com

music

live live live live live live live HOT CLUB DE PARIS Clwb Ifor Bach 28/09/08

H

ot Club de Paris are obviously very talented, musically. Their a cappella harmonies provide relief in the gig and somehow they skillfully manage to get the audience dancing to pretty challenging musical signatures. The hilariously

JOFO + DANANANA...

Barfly 26/09/08

D

ananananakroyd is not merely the sound of the six people who make up the band, nor is it the sound of any individual. Dananananakroyd is the sound of a thousand bored teenagers across the UK collectively rejoicing in the name of fun, kicking away their frustrations and living in the moment.

A load of old bollocks, that prob-

charming Shipwreck was the clear highlight; any band who can pull off catchy, sea-shanty punk certainly deserves some respect.

Unfortunately, this only makes for a greater contrast with the simplicity of their on-stage patter and weak, tasteless humour.

From a band with a French preposition in their name, I expected something more cultured and witty than jokes about toilets and bodily functions. The band seemed selfconscious and rather lost on stage, with their desperate measures to

build a rapport with the audienceleading to a defensive and patronising tone.

In contrast, when support act Tellison appeared on stage bringing delightful geeky pop punk with beautiful, interesting harmonies, it was easy to think that they were the headliners. Regrettably, this was not the case. With their confidence and easy stage presence, they certainly could teach the Hot Club De Paris a lesson; they are the ones to look out for.

Amelia Forsbrook

ably sounds, but see them live and understand exactly what cannot possibly be translated into words. Unfathomable wall to wall energy, two drummers, and gigantic riffs culminating in a 'wall of hugs', this is as close to perfect as performances come.

You have to wonder why Johnny Foreigner takes a band like Dananananakroyd on tour, surely completely aware they won't be the talking point as people leave the venue. Even so, JoFo's now accomplished stage act completes tonight's gig with typical swagger and authority.

Returning to the Barfly nearly a year after playing in the same place

to a handful of people, the band are met with a hero's welcome. Singles Eyes Wide Terrified and Our Bi-Polar Friends are treated like 30 year old hits, with every lyric exchanged by vocalists Alexei and Kelly shouted straight back at them. If there are any reservations it's that the band seem to cut the gig rather short, but this we can only assume is to allow for what is essentially a co-headline slot with Dananananakroyd. Tonight was always going to come down to two bands trying to out-awesome each other and the result is pure musical ecstasy.

Kyle Ellison

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