Quench - Issue 73

TI CK FR FO ET S R U FI EE GR P LM AB S

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BUILD your own Bond

+1

Huw StePHens: The brains behind Swn festival ON VEILED THREATS, BEING BRITISH, AND WRESTLING

Speed Dating: exposed!

Hot Chip

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: s t n e t n o c Issue 73

RY OF BEST MAGAZINE IN NOMINATED FOR THE CATEGO AWARDS 2008!

THE GUARDIAN STUDENT MEDIA

VOYEUR RANT HUW INTERVIEWS FASHION FEATURES BLIND DATE GAY FOOD TRAVEL

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ed I arrived at the bar where the spe dating was being held, but to my horror it was full of women...

Blind Date, p. 17

GOING OUT ARTS BOOKS DIGITAL MUSIC FILM

04 06 07 08 10 14 17 20 22 24 27 30 32 37 41 49

COVER DESIGN: HAZEL PLUSH Editor Hazel Plush Executive Editor Ben Bryant Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kate Budd, Lisa Evans Blind Date Emma Chapman, Sarah George Books Aisling Tempany Digital Liam Charalambous, Tom Baker Fashion Meme Sgroi, Nicole Briggs Features Gillian Couch, Louise Cook Film Adam Woodward, Francesca Jarvis, Sim Eckstein Food Jenny Edwards, Jen Entecott Gay James Moore Going Out Alex Gwilliam, Kirstin Knight Huw Huw Davies Interviews Ben Marshall, Leah Eynon Music Guy Ferneyhough, Kyle Ellison, Phil Guy The Rant Andy Swidenbank Travel Andy Tweddle, Simon Lucey Head of Photography Natalia Popova Creative Consultant Sophie Pycroft Proof Readers Aisling Tempany, Elaine Morgan, Steve Beynon

printed on recycled paper. PLEASE RECYCLE.

voyeur

I

{Voyeur}

’ve always been one to scoff at daft hobbies (Heritage teacup makers?

Birdsong re-enactment choirs? Shut up and get a life, you pansies), so imagine my derision when I stumbled across the bizarre underground world of ‘conlangs’.

Known by the snorting masses as “them made up geek languages”, conlangs are indeed rather, well, special.

J.R.R. Tolkien, of Lord of the Rings fame showcased all kinds of convoluted fictional languages in his work. Some crazy cats have even suggested that he only published his novels to provide a platform for his dotty linguistic meanderings and, quite frankly, I wouldn’t put it past him. Quenya, Sindarin and Elvish are just three of his homespun lingos, many of which are now widely spoken - an ENCAP student’s wet dream, non?

Anyway, to the tune of my mocking chuckles I stumbled across Suzette Haden Elgin, a fruitcake feminist who invented her own language to portray the ‘feminine experience’. Her experiment culminated in Láadan, a tongue which apparently lessens the ambiguity of normal language and is much more suited to ‘female’ expression. Like when we say one thing, and you boys just totally don’t get it. So, seduced by the internet’s promise of inexhaustible knowledge, I decided to take a look for myself - and, to my shock and awe, it’s amazing!

Elgin obviously understands the say-onething-but-mean-another issue, so much so that she’s actually invented her own little prefixes and suffixes for sentences to tell you when they’re really about. ‘Báa’ indicates a promise, ‘Bóo’ a request and ‘Wóo’, my favourite, means “I don’t actually know what I’m talking about, or whether it’s really true”.

No shit. There are about 20 of these handy little words, all ready to help you out when you just need to make something extra clear.

Bloody good idea, if you ask me. I mean, why didn’t anyone think of this sooner? Instead of communicating like dolphins at a Beegees concert we could actually do away with mixed messages and shoddy conversations for good.

So yes, I take back my snobbery and ridicule, and instead salute the pioneers of human expression! Hurrah for the linguistic underdogs! Conlangs rule! Woo! Or should that be Wóo?

HP

04 / voyeur@gairrhydd.com

IN

OUT

Regular Mammals

New Mammals

Boring, predictable and, quite frankly, passé.

Meet the Rhynochocyon udzungwensis. Exciting.

e-shopper

embracing consumerist filth

Introducing 'Big Feet PJs', the ultimate bedroom attire.

Who knew that adult-sized baby grows could be quite, so... sexual?

Now available with detachable hood and 'drop seat' for easy toilet activity. Innovation at its most alluring.

You

: GOLD

Chinese Backstreet Boys These Chinese students started with a Backstreet Boys spoof, but they've now released a single and signed an advertising deal with Pepsi...

Tune in & appreciate their straining.

.

Amber Duval

......

voyeur

Amber takes you from uncouth twat to plummy toff in four easy steps:

I love a bit of rough, but you’ll never lock lips with a billionaire if you can’t scrub up.

There’s nothing worse than a dirty student to quash one’s lust, so give yourself a rub down and follow my humble guide…

Social Kissing: Fruity foreigners love this decorous minefield, but none as much as the in go Dutch. Those rampant Europeans for a notorifor at least 3 pecks – too much even aking of Spe ously affectionate lady like myself! est Ernie dear my of d inde rem I’m s, three peck chest was ly man his Yes, bin… and his little nub it just to hear adorned with a third nip – I’d flick t hedonistic swee him squeal like a schoolgirl. Ah, days…

1

2

Small talk: My Great Uncle Harry was a constant embarrassment at social functions; he would rearrange his jousting rod in fits of nervousness and joke about his preejaculatory foibles – he was bani shed from our country club and forced to fraternise with the lower classes.

A lesson learned, my little friends.

is This fine piece of dandy spam cake with can enjoy indulge in some jockery and me anytime! That foppish mane sistirre ply sim are e fetching facial mol potenable - and there's definite schlong tial in that straining crotch!

3

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In these dark times of credit crunching, there’s only one way to bolster your waning bank balance – find yourself a minted studmuffin!

Terms of endearment: An uncouth window cleaner once addressed me as his ‘sweetlips’. I had no choice but to chastise him with a thorough disciplinary session – a well-placed squeegee works wonders for those pelvic floors, girls!

Personal grooming: One should never be caught with anything unsightly on one’s person.

After a soiree of illicit activity I found myself soiled by an unsightly glob of cock custard on my Jaegar two-piece suit. Devoid of material with which to remove it I covered the glutinous stain with my grandmother’s jewelled antique brooch – proof that any disaster can be averted with a well-placed accessory and a pinch of savoir faire. Fabulous!

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voyeur@gairrhydd.com / 05

the rant

THE RANT:

I CAN'T

IT'S NOT

BELIEVE

T

o put it bluntly, what the fuck has happened to the so- called infamous anarchist Johnny Rotten? Just another example of how the so called “Man” has made another apathetic, anarchistic prat his bitch.

What am I trying to say exactly? Well I assume you've all seen Mr. Rotten's new ad campaign for Country Life Butter?

Whereby Rotten prances around some idyllic country scene, babbling on about how much he loves British Butter. And it's not only because it's British but also because “it tastes so good”.

The advert reeks of self indulgence and actually makes Kerry Katona appear human (and have a genuine need to shop in Iceland) even when she sells every second of her pathetic existence to the highest bidder. You tell 'em,

ANARC

HY

Johnny! Stick it to the man! You rock that proletariat butter!

Not to take anything away from the incredible and controversial Sex Pistols who basically innovated the punk scene in the late seventies, but seriously: come on!!

The Sex Pistols hit a raw nerve with their

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You tell em Johnny!

Stick it to the man! You rock that proletariat butter!

Johnny: Buttery in

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“

anti-establishment music, which surrounded the band in controversy and led to them being banned from the BBC. They spouted a message (in retrospect, probably a scripted one) that resonated among the working class teenagers in Thatcherite Britain

the UK.

Never M i the Butt nd Will Hall er? do actually. es, ..

who were fed up, pissed off, and just wanted to scream at something.

That was all well and good, and to make the band that little bit more authentic, 'bassist' Sid Vicious whirled out of this world in a heroin-fuelled haze that made Jimi Hendrix look like a Puritan and Kurt Cobain look like a Jehovah's witness.

So why am I so angry? The main reason is that the Sex Pistols, manufactured or not, did something different; they channelled the underlying feeling of resentment for the government held by the youth and screamed a message of indifference and anarchy. Now, all that's been underwritten.

To all the cynics out there, Rotten is just another example of how capitalism and the cultural industries can turn any anti establishment message, market it, sell it, humiliate it, spit it out, and when they've sucked out every last penny move onto the Britneys and Beyoncés of the world.

I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!, Guitar Hero, The One Show, Country Life Butter! These don't exactly scream “anti-establishment!

The Queen's a moron!”, do they?

Well, Rotten's done them all. To use a dated cliché: “don't preach what you can't practice”.

I'd give anything to travel back to 1975 when The Sex Pistols formed, punch Rotten in the face and tell him he'd end up just another by product of the system, spouting out bullshit slogans and giving his name to butter.

But hey, this could all be part of his master plan! A sick joke? Maybe the true spirit of Rotten and the Pistols is still burning inside him and all this self marketing just adds to the irony of his anarchistic life.

Well, I hope so anyway.

h I

huw

? uw

he thinks stuff

'm quite rubbish, actually.

I’ll never climb Everest, Snowdown or even Uni Hall hill again, since it practically killed me in first year. Still, I can do everyday life – or so you’d think.

But no, I stumble through life like a tramp on a treadmill. What lectures do we have today?

When? Where? There was an assignment? Bollocks. I probably can’t even rewire a plug, not that I’d know, having never tried. No wonder I wind up housemates and coursemates alike.

Still, this ineptitude makes me human, and we learn from our mistakes. So here are bad habits of mine – old and new – from which you can all learn.

One: leaving things to the last minute. I am writing this in a Ford Focus en route to a Neon Neon gig in Bristol, having already missed my deadline. Without the lasting patience of a certain Miss Plush, there wouldn’t even be a column every fortnight. Where would you get your opinions then? The Boy Thunder? Piss off.

My problem is that I’m ruled with an iron fist by Parkinson’s Law. This law, scientifically proven in 1955 (no, really), states that work expands to fill the time available. Thus, an essay due at 3pm with a two-hour grace period will be handed in at 4:59, even if you’ve had three months to do it and the essay in question is a 50-worder on ‘Why Blue Is My Favourite Colour’ (Cult Crit students, take note).

Myself, I have a very short attention…*leaves*……*comes back*… span. I’ll write a sentence and reward myself by play-

ing PES for an hour. Then I’ll return, change the font, write a couple of notes and play snooker. This is (relatively) normal, but dangerous.

Procrastination is the way sideways.

Remember that.

Two: ringing people from gigs. Y O Y did I do this, and why do people still do it now? And why did I just write “why oh why” like some sort of crossbreed of a ‘2 kool 4 skool’ GS

I was like the janitor from Scrubs, only with a less active imagination

teacher and a junkie goldfish jumping on a keyboard?

Here’s the thing about ringing someone from a gig. The poor soonto-be-deafened sod receiving the call usually has no idea what is about to happen. They’ll be sitting quietly with their family when suddenly the phone rings, they pick it up and a barrage of noise and confusion enters their world.

Having had no idea what was about to happen, they now have no idea what is happening. What the hell is going on? Too. Much. Noise.

Then: inspiration. Ah! Live music.

Now they have no idea who it is, or why they’d be interested in listen-

ing to someone else seeing them live. Finally, just as they recognise the chorus, the idiot (i.e. me) hangs up.

What was the fucking point in that then?

Add to this the stance taken by the caller, holding their phone in the air as if to say, “Yes! I have a phone!”, and you end up looking as much of a dick as the people so busy taking photos they forget to enjoy themselves. Or the people whose phones go off. Or the people who text “OMFG, I LOVE THIS SONG!” to friends in the crowd.

Come to think of it, phones should be banned from gigs altogether.

Three: lying for no reason. Man, I told so much shit when I was a kid. I was like the janitor from Scrubs, only with a less active imagination. “I saw a guy who looked like Andy Cole yesterday.” “Really?” “Yep.” “Well… well done.”

Four: correcting people’s grammar. Bad habit, this. Still, it could help in a mugging situation. Them: “I’m going to fucking kill you.” Me: “Don’t split your infinitives.” Them: “What? I said I’m gonna…hang on, is that a split infinitive?” Me: “Yes.” Them: “So, what, I should say ‘I’m fucking going to kill you’? That doesn’t sound right…” By this point he’s wandered off in a haze, and I walk on, meet another mugger and the whole thing starts again. Thinking about it, I should take a different route home.

In conclusion…actually, no, sod you – grammar’s cool.

huw@gairrhydd.com / 07

interviews

HOT ?

S K E E G

Following the success of 2006's critically acclaimed The Warning, Hot Chip are enjoying an unprecedented level of popular and critical success.

Kyle Ellison and Ben Marshall met up with the band to discuss the imminent tour, the curse of being labelled a 'geek' and their secret passion for wrestling...

H

ot Chip are one of the more interesting bands occupying the electro sphere as it were, coupling an indie slant on dance with offkilter lyrics and a deeply sentimental outlook on life. The band graciously spared some time before their gig in the Union to discuss love, life and everything in between.

Are you looking forward to getting back on tour?

Yeah we are excited. It is good to be in the UK. We've played lots of gigs, but not many in the UK. How do you find playing to crowds in Europe compared to the UK? It’s different because we’re English, and they’re not I suppose. It’s always different playing to people who aren’t from the place that you are from.

I guess there’s always the expectation that it’ll be something

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of a homecoming when you are playing your own country, because it’s where you’re from, and there’s a similar frame of reference, although we’ve found that they seem to get it more in the States.

Do you consider this tour somewhat of a farewell to this last album?

It is really. We started touring in January; at this stage we have some new songs, but not in any semblance of order, We’re off to

interviews

One of the things that I've found is that the difference between Coming On Strong and The Warning is more notiicable than the difference between The Warning and Made in the Dark.

Do you think that you've found a particular style of recording that you are comfortable with?

It’s not very intentional to make the albums sound different or similar. They’re just recordings we make, which we later piece together. Coming On Strong was a bit naïve and a mutual piece of work, but by the time of The Warning we were a bit more aware of what our music sounds like, and wanted to make it more chunky sounding, but I don’t hear the differences in such an obvious way, I just hear it as our music, I think the latest isn’t that similar, which I guess is a bit of an unhelpful answer.

Now that you've toured the new album extensively, do you plan to maybe play some of your older stuff?

We have been playing stuff from the earlier albums, but we haven’t played much from The Warning.

I think it makes sense to play the stuff off the newest album, when it still is the new album, but at this stage of the year, we’re thinking of the next album, because it’s more fun. We’re a little strange in the sense that we only really ever learn about 5 songs per album, so there’s 6 or 7 that we’ve never played live.

You've always tended to try and experiment with your arrangements when you play live. Is this a conscious effort?

I’m always a bit confused by this question, because the way we

record and the way we play live means it’s pretty hard to recreate.

I can’t imagine any band does that unless they play with backing tracks. It’s not like we intentionally try and ‘remix’ our music. I mean also if we make a song with 3 people and play it live with 6 people; it’s bound to sound different.

It’s a little like Bob Dylan, who you wouldn’t really compare us to.

He often alters the way he plays a song throughout his career.

Often we change the words, the arrangements, and even throw someone else’s song off the top of our songs. It’s similar to what a jazz artist might do to an old standard, but to a lesser extent. We just see them as songs to play, and try and make them sound good live.

“

If you get it right, talking about a very personal experience can mean a lot to a great deal of people

“

Mexico soon. We do have some momentum so we’re not sure whether to go into the studio straight away, although I am starting to think that it might be nice to have a break, as we haven’t really for a couple of years now. Even if we take a break, I’m sure we’ll still be producing bits of music anyway.

Another thing that seems to characterise your music is the fact that you seem to juxtapose cutting edge electro with relatively mundane lyrical topics, did you find that to be an organic development?

There’s a gap between what you want to be, and what you may be influenced by, like the hip hop world and the garage world, and what you actually are. When you hear ‘Hot Chip will break your legs,’ you know full well that it isn’t a legitimate threat; it’s what someone on a hip hop tune might say to sound aggressive, but it’s sung sweetly, like a lullaby. It’s drawing attention to those gaps. The lyrics

have always been drawn from life, rather than some fantastical romantic ideals; it’s never been an inspiration for us. We’ve always been inspired by more personal emotions and experiences that we’ve had. If you get it right, talking about a very personal experience can mean a lot to a great deal of people.

Are you really massive fans of wrestling?

It’s not like we’re massive fans, Alexis used to be a big fan. I mean, I quite like it when somebody cares a lot about a particular thing, but it isn’t that popular. It’s a nice idea to imagine an entire song around the idea that I learnt everything I know from wrestling.

When I was growing up, my parents weren’t very keen on me watching wrestling, but I did quite like it. But I learnt a lot from it - the music that they came out to was always interesting, as was the commentary. I learnt new vocabulary, and this song was kind of a defence of it.

Whenever you are mentioned in the press, you always seem to be described as 'geeks'. Does this annoy you?

It doesn’t bother us personally, but what’s annoying is that we’re not the sort of people that are into technology or Star Trek or what have you. We’re not particularly awkward people, and can socialise easily, so it’s annoying when you read stuff that’s nothing to do with your music.

It’s a shame that good reviews and nice features about your band have to feature some description of your appearance as well as all the nice things. It’s a bit lazy to be honest. But I can see that if bands will dress in a clichéd manner and those clichés are annoying, and there are clichés in the music then people will notice the differences.

We sort of ask for it, by choosing to be ourselves, and not to be like the typical archetypes. The UK press spend a lot of time discussing our appearance, whereas the press in the USA seem oblivious to it.

interviews@gairrhydd.com /09

fashion

e d u t S y Savv "I get inspiration from friends, gigs, and what other people are wearing...

in My blouse is from a vintage shop ht Berlin where they charge by weig as - I ended up buying loads of lace it's so light!

'I'm completely infatuated with Agyness Deyn...

Photography: Natalia Popova

but apart from her I look to Vogue for inspiration. I'm a bit of a Vogue addict!"

"All my clothes are from Hong Kong...

n and trends in Hong I follow the street fashio changing" ntly Kong - they're consta

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e l y t S t n e

fashion

Fashion took to the streets to meet the lot. real style gurus... You

"I hate to say it but I'm a Topman boy! Apart from that I'm really int o mod culture, films like Quadrophenia, and desig ners like Fred Perry.

...There's no-one I as pir to look like. I think th e e once was ages ago, re but not anymore."

ion t a ir p s in k in h t ’t n o d "I is the right word... might look alright I see something I think ount of thought I wander around and if am ible I don’t put an incred into it."

I'll try it. To be honest

"When it comes to ar I deciding what to we r's just put on whateve clean, really!

fashion ...I don't really have any n" Wa k Go like do I icons but

fashion@gairrhydd.com /11

fashion

s r e p s i What

In the current climate of fast fashion, Quench considers:

Pin-pointing Personal Style.... either concoct a haircut, make-up style or even re-invent oneself as a fictional character (Ziggy Stardust, anyone?) in order to be deemed worthy.

It's simply not good enough to get a 'mohican' haircut and combine it with a clapped-out beige cardigan and your tracky bottoms... Or is it? Well, it certainly fits the criteria – it isn’t following the current trend, no one has done it before, and it would definitely say something about you!

It seems a whole new persona needs to be created and nurtured in order to be immortalised as 'unique' in the ever watchful eye of the fashion world. Even if we discover our own new fashion state-

ment, it's not enough until others deem it worthy of that illusive title.

This leaves us normal folk with a predicament: how can we create an individual look that hasn’t been done before, a thousand different ways? Or (perish the thought) one which bags the 'try hard' tag.

The key is to take inspiration from those you admire, but express your own personality too. Be brave enough to find that fabulous little something that makes you feel different, and show it off! And even if you don’t manage to reach the heady heights of 'trend setter' status, who cares? That’s not what being individual is about.

Hannah Powell

e heady heights if you don’t manage to reach th res? of 'trend setter' status, who ca

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Chloe Sevigny This American actress is internationally recognised for her kooky, creative flair for fashion. Her style is a fun-yet-youthful play on the latest catwalk offering which, when teamed with simplistic hair and makeup, is chic enough to have earned her the title of Style Advisor for Elle magazine.

Vivienne Westwood This designer's out-there style has drawn admirers from all over the world. Her individualism is her defining quality; she rejects all the tradition fashion 'don’ts', and at 67 sports stilettos, leather jackets and

12/fashion@gairrhydd.com

a trademark flaming orange mane.

Twiggy Big dolly lashes, elfin haircuts and mini-dresses were Twiggy’s main style statements during her twenties. But age has done nothing to diminish the 60’s style icon’s love for fashion, and following her success in the M&S campaign she's still going strong some 40 years later.

Edie Sedgwick The ‘factory girl’ is a star not only for her acting talents - her big brows and statement eyes had a mesmeric effect on Andy Warhol,

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A

udrey Hepburn, Bowie, MIA, Bjork: a mixed bag of lovelies from various careers, you may think.

However, while they are separated by over 50 decades of fads, trends and faux pas’ in the fashion world, there is one unmistakable resemblance between them: INDIVIDUALITY. Whether it’s the iconic fringe of Hepburn or that cringe inducing, crotch-hugging Lycra of Bowie’s, you can’t deny their unique ability to be someone who would never get lost in a crowd. But how can we mere mortals expect to compete?!

Perhaps there is a set criterion by which you have to abide in order to qualify. Clearly, one has to

and as a result she became his muse. Her cropped hairstyles and shift dresses were big in the 60s and have made several reappearances on the more contemporary catwalks of today, which goes to show her classic style will never be forgotten.

Agyness Deyn Boater hats, oversized totes, and preppy plimsolls are just a taster of Deyn’s preferred staples. Her stylistic diversity and natural fashion sense have earned the star her household name, and a relatively impressive pay-packet to boot.

Sarah George

? e l y t s l sona

It's all about being unique - don' t be afraid to express yourself!

“

“

fashion

Craft Your Own Identity....

I

t’s pretty hard these days to depict the notion of ‘personal style’ without it smacking you in the face with hackneyed, galling ‘Gok-isms’ and regurgitating the advice of the tit and fanny grabbing dynamic duo Trinny and Susannah.

Annoyances aside, let’s face it: when it comes down to the basics, these self-proclaimed fashion gurus do know what they're on about.

The cut, colour, pattern, shape and style of a garment or accessory have the fantastic ability to either make you feel like a million dollars, or a fat sack of hot pap.

It’s very much down to you knowing what flatters your frame, covers the bits you don’t champion, and makes you feel comfortable in

your own skin.

It doesn’t help that in our so called era of ‘individuality’, we are constantly being bombarded with over-used buzz words such as ‘chic’, ‘vintage’, and ‘must have’ encouraging us to copy celebrities and ‘get the look’. It is within these muddy waters that it's important not to confuse the concept of style with that ubiquitous phenomenon, 'fashion'. They are not synonymous, although they certainly overlap. If someone is fashionable, surely they must need to follow the trends and sport what can only be described as ‘mannequin attire’. You can, however, be stylish without following anything. Being fashionable is not necessarily to express individuality, yet individual

confidence is the sine qua non of being stylish. Fashion is 'received', style is a 'given'.

In terms of personal style – it is what it says on the tin. It's unique, epitomized only by you, perhaps even subconsciously. It’s in getting your base fit right and injecting elements of your personality – be it a bright yellow bobble hat, badges youʼve picked up from the floor of a gig, or shoes that bring tears to the eyes of old ladies. Whatever you team it with, it becomes personal.

Personal style is a moral vacuum in the sense that unlike taste, it’s neither good nor bad. It just is. So in theory, we should feel liberated - and show our brave spirit in style!

Ooh err!

Kate Eaton

Credit Crunch Customisation ...

D

on’t forget: customisation is all about being unique, so don’t be afraid to express yourself. By recycling your clothes, not only will you look great - so will your wallet!

- For a unique look on an old piece of clothing, try getting your sewing kit out. There are loads of shops out there that sell buttons, sequins, ribbons, and loads of other bits and pieces, which can make your outfit that little bit more special.

- If sewing isn’t your thing, you can jazz up your outfit without going anywhere near a needle. You can transform an old pair of jeans into a skirt by opening the inside leg and cutting to the length you want .

- Try cutting arms off long-sleeved tops to make short-sleeved vests.

Leftover material can be used for legwarmers or leggings.

- Remember, someone else's rubbish is another person’s treasure, so why not swap clothes with friends? Even your male friends'

wardrobes could supply you with a new look. Get a man’s shirt and a waist-belt, and you’ve got yourself a new dress!

- Check out vintage bazaars, and you never know what bargains you'll pick up. The Blind Lemon Vintage Fashion Fair is coming to Cardiff on November 30th, and with student tickets for only £3.50 you can't go wrong.

Kirsty Dagnall

fashion@gairrhydd.com /13

features

x e r e b y c y m f o s l a i r t As if breaking up with the love of your life (or so you thought) wasn't hard enough, there's now have the added dilemma of the Facebook 'relationship status' to consider. Whose idea was that? Ellie Woodward discusses postrelationship Facebook angst. frantically log in hundreds of times per day. She was a junkie and her fix was his mailbox. On accessing his messages she would scour the inbox for new comments from his various female admirers. She would read the messages, mark them as unread, and proceed to trawl through his profile to find out exactly who he'd been talking to.

“

It was her cyber equivalent of bumping into her ex when he’s dateless and she’s looking fabulous

“

S

omething very strange happened yesterday. I was poked by the father of an ex boyfriend. Not physically you’ll understand, but through the electronic means of Facebook. It made me realise how explicitly our lives are presented nowadays. There was a time when, after a break up with a long term boyfriend, the family of whom had become an integral part of the relationship, one could simply cut ties and move on with one’s life. In the present social networking climate however, it has now become possible for the parents, cousins, friends of the ex and the ex themselves to track every detail of your life, post break up.

It occurred to me that for all its merits – and believe me, I love the idea of enabling otherwise estranged friends and family to remain in contact – Facebook and other social networking sites of its kind are posing the danger of allowing us to stay in too-close contact with certain people who, if it wasn’t for polite friend requests, would have remained on our ‘block’ lists.

We frequently hear stories in the news about the dangers of talking to anonymous strangers in internet chat rooms, the worst result of which is the full blown stalker. But how has it not occurred to us that sometimes the most obsessive and terrifying stalkers are those that we know?

Take my friend Emma, for example. On breaking up with an ex, she retained his username and password for his Facebook account and would

Her addiction became so severe that before long simply reading the messages from other women wasn’t enough, and she began replying to them herself in order to establish the state of play between Hottie69 and her ex boyfriend. It didn’t matter how many times I told her to log out and never sign in again, it took for her ex to change his password before she stopped. For Emma there was something satisfying about learning every detail of her ex’s life without her, especially when her worst fears - that he would be dating or sleeping with any of his new love interests – didn’t materialise. It was her cyber

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equivalent to bumping into her ex when he’s dateless and she’s looking fabulous.

It concerned me, however. I had become prisoner of the social networking jail after a particularly messy and emotional break up, only this time it was at the liberty of Myspace. No matter how hard I tried, every time I double clicked on the Internet Explorer icon to browse the net, my heart began pounding, my hands sweating as the insatiable desire to browse his Myspace profile overcame me. This desire would beat my rational self every time, and it was always - if not more - as heartbreaking and shattering as the time before.

There would be more comments from females I had never heard of, thanking him for the picture comment in which he told them that they were ‘The hottest girl in the world.’ It was petty and pathetic, but I couldn’t help but feel hurt that he was so over me, so ready to flirt with cyber buddies, and engaging in cyber foreplay whilst I was confined to a chair with a laptop watching the newage romance play out before my streaming eyes. The whole ordeal culminated in me finding out about his new relationship via Myspace.

His status changing to ‘In a Relationship’ was more than I could bear, but it was then that I realised that I didn’t want to end up as an over-the-hill spinster on a dating website in years to come, so I dragged myself away from the screen and into a pair of absurdly short hotpants to show him what he was missing, and the world

features what was back on the market.

This isn’t the way break ups should be, and it seems that the internet is making difficult break ups unbearable as we're forced to witness every aspect of our former love’s life.

Facebook, it seems, is the worst culprit. There’s no escaping the dalliances of an ex. Even when innocently logging into the site we're met with an onslaught of news – everything from the photographs from last night, (cue a frenzied ‘de-tagging’ spree) to that guy or girl who once broke your heart announcing their new relationship to the world. And for the newly broken hearted, Facebook makes it so dangerously easy to track the every move of an ex – we can see exactly who they've spoken to, at what time, how they're feeling at any given moment, who they’ve been out with... If you're (un)lucky, the mysterious blonde or stacked rugby player’s face who's draped across them in so many photos will be helpfully labelled with their name and a link to their profile so that not only can you find out the name of this girl or guy, but also their interests, date of birth, favourite films and miscellaneous hobbies. Stalking has never been easier.

“

Yesterday, I was poked by the father of an exboyfriend

“

And as I learned yesterday, it isn’t only exes who can track your every move, but the family of exes

and friends of exes, thus making your new life common knowledge to anyone who scans their news feed every once in a while. One friend argued that when creating a Facebook account you are inherently offering yourself up for such scrutiny, which is something I cannot deny. I also recognise that there's something egotistical about the whole thing – editing statuses and uploading photographs in the belief that anyone cares enough to browse through your holiday snaps, for

whose engagements or general happiness we could really do without hearing about? Kind of like a friend who steers us in the opposite direction when they see Mr Heartbreaker walking towards us in the street.

How long before Facebook warns us that we cannot attend a particular event because Mr/Miss Heartbreaker will also be there? How long before Facebook, like a friend, encourages us to go to the event regardless but wear a show stopping dress and killer heels? When we're going out, will Facebook warn us that copi-

example. Complaining about the unashamed publicity of Facebook is undeniably reminiscent of the celebrities who moan about paparazzi intrusion whilst simultaneously starring in fly on the wall documentaries and emblazoning the covers of gossip weeklies.

We can't complain when we know the score, but I can’t help but wonder how long it will be before Facebook kindly categorises our exes into the ones who we can bear to talk to, the ones who we would consider friends, the ones who we can barely remember, and those who caused so much heartache that the mere mention of their names sends a shooting pain through our chests. How long will it be before Facebook acts as a friendly mediator, blocking comments and news feeds from the ones

ous quantities of white wine may cause 2 a.m. texts to the ex boyfriend/girlfriend it has worked so hard to protect us from?

It seems that whilst the internet may help us connect with people and forge new relationships, it only brings old wounds to the surface when we're connecting with is the past. The next time an ex adds you on Facebook, hit the ‘Reject’ button. This halts and potential Facebook agony, and despite the feeling of losing the proverbial battle of the exes to win the ‘who is most over who’ contest, sending them to the recycling bin reminds both you and them that that is exactly where they belong.

quenchfeatures@gairrhydd.com / 15

30 / arts@gairrhydd.com

Secret Diary of a

blind date

Speed Dater

Emma Chapman investigates the truth behind the alternative way to find romance - all in the name of good journalism, obv.

The Big Night 7:30pm: I arrived at the bar where the speed dating was being held, but to my horror it was full of women. The host optimistically reassured us that more men were due to turn up, so we all grabbed a drink.

7:45pm: A glass of wine or two later, things were looking up. More men had arrived, and we were handed our marking sheet and instructions. I couldn't help but giggle - they'd provided us with questions in case we had any awkward silences. If I couldn’t last five minutes on a date, there wouldn't be much hope left.

8:00pm: The host then rang the bell to get us to couple up for the first date, making me feel little more than an animal in a cattle market.

What followed didn't improve the situation, either. The age range for the night was 18- 28, but even classing my first date as early 30s would be more than generous. It turned out he was a lawyer, and continued to talk about his job for the next four and a half minutes. Unsurprisingly, I

ticked the 'no contact wanted' box.

8:30pm: Two more 'dates' later I was feeling a little deflated and bored, as the men liked to talk a lot about themselves and I often couldn't get a word in edgeways.

I was pleased when our host announced it was time for a ten minute break - and another glass of wine.

8:40pm: After having a gossip with the speed dating girls, I wondered if I was being too picky, as most of the girls had ticked at least two guys as potential dates.

I'd ticked none...

“

If I couldn’t last five

minutes on a date, there wouldn't be much hope left

“

T

he big idea behind speed dating is that you get 15-20 five minute dates in one night. At the end of each date you decide if you want to see them again as a potential item, just as friends, or never want to see their ugly mug again... Blind Date loved the idea so thought we'd give it a look... We weren't disappointed!

9:00pm: To my relief, I had lots in common with my next date, and the host had to shout at him to move on as the five minutes flew by too quickly. Definite friend request!

9:30pm: Two more dates later and I was getting sick of answering the same "So have you done this before? " questions. Like anyone would want to admit that they do this regularly.

9:40pm: I noticed that my next date was with a guy who had caught my eye earlier. I was slightly put off when he began reading the 'emergency questions', but when

he saw the puzzled expression on my face he told me he was joking - it turned out he was a trainee doctor at Cardiff University and was actually quite funny. I ticked the 'potential date' box.

10pm: With the last date over we handed in our marking sheets and were told we'd receive an email over the next few days with our matches. I was more than a little scared - what if nobody had ticked me?!

The Verdict

To my relief, I ended up with five matches for friend requests and two matches for dates! Result!

If you’re having no luck meeting potential partners when smashed on a night out with your mates, then speed dating is a really fun way to meet new people. In my experience no-one was taking it too seriously, so don’t worry about marriage proposals at the end of the five minutes.

Speed dating helps to stop you wasting your time on unsuccessful dates, and scientists do say that you make your first judgment about someone within five seconds of meeting them – so maybe a five minute date is all you need!

Next issue: Blind date goes live on Xpress Radio! sses...

Interested in taking part ? Email us, your very own sultry love godde blinddate@gairrhydd.com / 17

interviews

Coming from a small valley in the South of Wales to playing with the likes of the Manic Street Preachers, Lostprophets and Funeral For A Friend, it's certainly been an interesting few years for local boyos Kids in Glass Houses. Steve Wright talks to the band about Reading Festival, local bands, and being on the same record label as Slipknot.

A

head of their homecoming gig of their second tour in support of their debut album, we decided to grill Kids in Glass Houses' bass player Andrew Shay on the story so far…

In the last couple of years you’ve gone from being a relatively unknown, unsigned band to playing at the likes of Reading, Download and T in the Park, headlining the Astoria, and being signed to a renowned record label. Not bad eh?

Yeah everything’s running smoothly, it still seems strange, although at the same time it’s been like a gradual, natural progression. This time last year we played in front of around 400 people at some venue in London, and this year we’re playing the Astoria!

So tonight it’s your homecoming gig, looking forward to it?

It’s good to be back, all my family and friends are here tonight, think they’re getting drunk in the pub over

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the road!

How’s the tour going?

Our last tour was pretty amazing, we’re just worried about how we’re going to top it. I think everyone’s just enjoying getting back out there and playing in front of our fans, I still find it amazing that they can remember all out songs and lyrics, it’s a great feeling.

You’ve toured with some pretty big bands, like the Manic Street

interviews

Preachers, Lostprophets, Goo Goo Dolls amongst others. Who is the best band you’ve played with?

The most enjoyable to play with was New Found Glory, we all grew up listening to them, and were just blown away by them both musically and by their energy and enthusiasm.

They’re still our idols – it was weird sitting in a room with them.

You’ve been nominated for two Kerrang! Awards: Best Newcomers in 2007, and Best Single (for Give Me What I Want) in 2008.

How does the experience rate?

It was nuts being at the Kerrang!

Awards! It was so surreal, we were looking round at all these huge bands in the room, people like Jared Leto and were like ‘what are we doing here?’ Although we didn’t win, it was still an amazing experience.

Who would you say have been your biggest influences musically?

For me personally it was Stereophonics, they were the reason I

picked up a guitar in the first place.

Lostprophets were the reason I started a band.

On a personal note, your sound reminds me a lot of bands like Funeral For a Friend, Hundred Reasons and The Used. Would you tend to agree?

I’d agree, but we don’t outwardly set out to replicate any one sound.

I like to think we put our own spin of things, mix things up, try to keep them interesting.

Your currently signed to Roadrunner Records, traditionally home to heavier bands like Slipknot and Cradle of Filth. How did you wind up getting signed by them, you’re not exactly that sort of band!

We all thought that! But the guys at Roadrunner said that how different we are to their other bands was the beauty of it. If they could make these bands sound so huge, imagine what they could do for us!

They’ve been great with us, very accommodating.

Have you bumped into Slipknot?

Haha no, they were at the Kerrang! awards apparently, but they’d all taken their masks off so I didn’t recognise them, plus I was a bit drunk.

Have you met any of your idols at festivals or award functions?

I saw Brian May wandering around at Hyde Park Calling, unfortunately I was too scared to talk to him.

Had any run-ins with other bands?

Nope, we’re good boys. We don’t get in fights. Sorry.

You’re currently at the forefront of the burgeoning Welsh music scene along with Lostprophets, The Blackout, and Funeral For a Friend looking pretty strong.

Yeah it’s all going well, I wouldn’t go as far as to say having other local bands around helps, but it’s nice for them to be progressing with us. The Blackout, Lostprophets and Funeral For a Friend have all helped.

interviews@gairrhydd.com / 19

gay

IN GOK WE T

For years we have suspected that the gay man was the ultimate accessory for about town. Now, with the rise of the fashion god that is Gok Wan, it has beco gates why any woman wanting to get herself an assured successful fashion fix

W

omen need to abandon their female shopping partners. Girls do not make good shopping companions for each other, no matter how close their friendship is.

Even if it's survived years of tantrums and tears, you’ve given her a kidney, she’s godmother to your children, and you’ve sworn never-ending devotion to your Sex and the City box set: always remember that once you’re inside Topshop, all bets are off. It’s every fashionista for herself. She's your enemy on the shop floor, and don’t ever forget it. In the seminal text Elegance (which I feel every fashionista female should look to as the style equivalent of the Karma Sutra), Genevieve Antoine Dariaux stresses why you should never take your girlfriends shopping. Your bosomed buddy will suffer from one of the following sinister states of mind which will invariably sabotage your fashion mission...

1.) She wants to be just like you!

She'll buy the clothes that you pick out for yourself and won't care that you look like clones. Or worse, The Cheeky Girls... Brace yourself for a miserable shopping trip, where you walk through Queen Street empty handed, and your lady companion carts off the clothes you picked for yourself.

2.) She loves to watch you shop for the vicarious thrill!

She will meekly agree with all your purchases, with the resentment slowly boiling that she hasn’t

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bought anything because she is either too skint, too tight or just doesn’t have the stamina for the sale rails. At some point, the spend-envy will boil over and you'll be told that you look fabulous in a dress you really don’t know you can pull off! Then, on later reflection in your bedroom mirror, you realise you actually look like SHIT... An expensive shit, but shit all the same!

3.) She wants to look better then you! Ultimately, if you shop together, you probably go out on the pull together. So while your girl friend tornados through Topshop throwing pashminas and panties in her wake, snapping up all the best buys, you're left purchasing the “not quite good enough for her but okay I suppose” rejects. Hence looking like a reject yourself when you both get dressed up for a night on the tiles!

So, it’s indisputable that when it comes to style searching, women of the world should disunite. But why trust a gay man instead? The key difference between taking your girlfriends and your gay man is this: she thinks that if you look good it makes her look worse, but he knows that if you look good it makes him look better. You are as much his fashion accessory as he is yours. He can’t be seen arm in arm around town with a dowdy, drab fashion mal-coordinate. Gay men want you to look good, and more importantly, they know how to make it happen. It all comes down to three magical elements:

Honesty – Brutal, unerring, unforgivable, unquestionable honesty.

If you look bad he'll tell you. No whispering, no pulled faces or diplomatic “it looks okay I suppose”.

He will scream in terror, laugh hysterically, shout in your face, gag, tear at his hair, tear at your hair, demand you take off the offending article immediately and reprimand you for ever having considered it in the first place. I learned this the hard way. It was a pink corduroy jacket. He was nasty. He was dramatic. He made me feel ashamed.

But do you know what? Ultimately, he was right!

Precision – As in Black & Decker multi-purpose interchangeablehead power tool precision.

He will tell you exactly what you look like in terms you cannot misunderstand. There will be no “nice”, “okay”, or “pretty”. Instead, there'll be adjectives like “hideous”, and similes along the lines of “like Jodie Marsh’s slutty sister".

I once asked my gay man if he thought a pair of trousers made my bum looked big. He made me walk, sit, strut, squat, and then proceeded to scrutinize from every angle, draw diagrams, produce a sliding scale of celebrity bums and told me where mine fitted in.

It was a level of precision NASA would have been inspired by.

Intuition – Imagine if Jessica Fletcher and Columbo had a child.

This would be the most intuitive child on the planet, but still no rival to a gay man when it comes to style. A gay man can tell from 20

gay

TRUST

r the fashionable young woman ome official. Katie Lopez investix should get herself a gay. paces what the material is, how it will look in daylight, dusk, fluorescent light, black light, no light. He will know if it will crease, hug in unflattering places, show a VPL, emphasis curves, encite jealousy, go with those gold shoes you love, be respected by your family, get you that job, make a man ejaculate as soon as he sees you or encourage seagulls to shit on you. And he'll know all this before you’ve even decided you like it.

So ladies, take my word for it: when shopping, a gay man is as indispensable as your credit card.

Both will take a lot of abuse. Both will be dragged in and out of every shop you can find, and both will be exhausted by the end of the day.

But both are gold (if you’re lucky)!

“

It’s indisputable that when it comes to style searching, the women of the world should disunite.

But why trust a gay man instead?

gay@gairrhydd.com / 21

“

food

r u o H l i a t k c o C For anyone who's ever recoiled at spending £6 on a drink with an disappointing ice:alcohol ratio, Sara Staford exposes the cocktails which take extravagance to a whole new level...

The Mai Tai, Merchant Hotel, Belfast

T

he popularity of cocktails was once down to the subversive efforts of American barmen to cover up the offensive flavour of smuggled hooch during Prohibition. But since then, the drink has come a long way. One look at the grand lengths people will go to satisfy their tastes is enough to see that today, cocktails are hiding nothing...

Martini on the Rock Algonquin Hotel, New York If you want to add a real slice of luxury to your drink, there’s no better way than throwing a bit of jewellery into the mix. The Martini on the Rock will set you back around £6,000 but it comes accessorised with something that might be a little much for anyone who (like me) gets excited by a sparkler in their martini glass. The ‘rock’ in the cocktail’s name is a piece of ice in the urbandictionary sense of the world: A diamond. In the last four years, only two customers have splashed out with one being for a marriage proposal.

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The Dazzle, Harvey Nichols, Manchester Also sticking to the impressive, if not slightly dangerous jewellery-inyour-drink-theme, is the Dazzle. For £32,000 you get rosé champagne with strawberry and lychee liqueur, and the final ingredient is an 18karat white-gold ring. If that doesn't sound enough here’s the main bit: this cocktail comes escorted by security guards, perfect for anyone looking for a bit of drama in their beverage experience ...

The Sword Martini Jambu's Bar, Canouan Island If it takes more than a bit of bling to impress you then the Sword Martini takes a more aggressive approach.

At Jambu’s Bar you can take your pick from four martinis, each at about £190 and accompanied by a 24-karat gold olive sword ranging from samurai to American Civil War models.

At £750 per glass, this is claimed to be the world’s most expensive cocktail. There are many different recipes for the Mai Tai, but the price of this one is apparently justified by the fact it contains rum specially imported from the bar in Jamaica where this cocktail originated from.

The drink’s name is taken from "Maita'i", the Tahitian word for "good." And at that price, I'd hope

so.

The Ritz Side Car Hotel Ritz, Paris At a mere £320 per glass, the Ritz Side Car is the former Guinness Book of Records titleholder for most expensive cocktail. Like the Mai Tai, this drink provides the customer with a taste of history, boasting some pretty vintage cognac. The appeal of this particular drink is that it contains grapes dating from before the Great French Wine Blight of the 1860s. To put that into context, that means drinking grapes from

Napoleon’s day.

Fortunately, there is still hope for those not wishing to spend their entire student loan on one drink. Just nip down to Lidl for supplies - Jewellery and golden swords optional...

Milgi

food

The Review:

Milgi Lounge, 213 City Road

Old Faithfuls Cosmopolitan -2 shots Vodka -1 shot Cointreau -1 shot Cranberry - Squeeze of lime or dash of cordial

Martini - 2 shots Vodka or Gin - 1/2 shot Martini - Ice

Sex on the Beach - 1 shot Vodka - 1 Shot Peach Schnapps Mix together with ice and a glass of half cranberry, half orange juice.

Mojito - 2 shots Dark Rum - 1 spoonfull of brown sugar - Mint leaves (optional) - Juice of a lime / dash of lime cordial.

Marguerita - 1 1/2 shots Tequila - 1/2 shot Triple Sec - 2 tsps lemon juice - Salt Rim the glass with salt and lemon juice then add the spirits and remaining lemon over ice.

Shaking it up Passion Fruit Daquiri - 1 1/2 shots White Rum - 1 shot Triple Sec - 1/2 Passion Fruit Liquer (optional) - 3 shots passion fruit juice

at. Art. Drink. Music.’ is their buzz line, and the folks at Milgi know how to do all four.

More of a lounge than an actual bar, Milgi is known for its comfy sofas, funky art installations, and great music. There’s even a yurt out back for live entertainment and parties, just to add something a little exotic to your evening.

If you’re looking for a cocktail list as long as your arm, you can’t go wrong with the ‘drinks bible’.

This ridiculously extensive menu features all manners of coffees, cocktails (both alcoholic and virgin), wines and beers, and will leave you stumped and indecisive at the bar for at least 10 minutes.

The mojitos are famous throughout Cathays as a ‘meal in a glass’, and

‘E

feature all kinds of tasty fresh fruit and vegetation in their huge icetopped tumblers.

If you fancy more than a liquid dinner, however, the new food menu certainly won’t disappoint.

The Tiffin Box deal gets you a meal of gorgeous homemade food for £8.50, or £5 on a Wednesday.

Choices include wild mushroom barley risotto with roasted beetroot and goat’s cheese, thai green curry with bean sprout and ginger salad, or – my favourite – Welsh lamb tagine with tabouleh and chickpea salad. The high quality ingredients mean you’ll actually get a proper meal (no microwaved lasagne here, folks), and the ‘Tiffin Passport’ loyalty card gives you your 6th meal for free. Enjoy!

Hazel Plush

Alabama Slammer

Red Snapper

-1 shot Amaretto - 1 shot Whisky - 1/2 shot Vodka

- 1 1/2 shots Vodka - 1/2 shot Martini - 1/2 shot Grenadine - Splash of Ginger ale

- 1/2 shot Gin - Splash of grenadine - 3 shots orange juice

food@gairrhydd.com / 23

Holiday

travel

Working abroad is a fulfilling and eye-opening experience for all. This week,

Who's Your Daddy?

T

o most people, the idea of working in an orphanage overseas as a summer project conjures thoughts of starving children in povertystricken Africa. I’d say that my experience differed vastly from this now typified image.

This summer, I travelled to Belarus as a representative of the Cardiff University based, student-run charity BACCUP (Belarussian Aid for Children, Cardiff Undergraduate Project), whose sole aim is to provide much needed-care for the many orphaned children of Belarus.

BACCUP itself was set up by students at Cardiff University, and each summer sends groups of volunteers to work with disabled children in vari-

ous orphanages in Belarus.

Following the obliteration of Minsk during WWII, Stalin rebuilt the city on a grand scale. The result: gargantuan buildings and towering statues of past communist leaders that dominate the impressive centre. Minsk, however, shares none of the hustle that one would liken to other capital cities; it has a vacuous feel, but is at the same time totally captivating.

Belarusians themselves claim that to live in their country now feels the same as it did when U.S.S.R communism was still rife, and I have absolutely no problem in believing this. As you exit the city centre itself you start to see the ‘true’ Belarus, tower blocks litter the landscape and there is what I can only describe as a distinctly dreary feeling in the air.

Initially, my view was “What the hell am I doing? I hate kids!”

Almost as soon as I arrived, however, my opinions could not have been more contrasting; the children in the orphanage adore “the nice people who come and make us feel happy”, and the kids themselves

are absolutely fantastic. BACCUP does an absolutely amazing job in Belarus with the children loving every minute they spend with their adopted carers, and the bizarreness of the country only served as to make my experience that bit more different to other countries I’ve visited. Take, for example, Club Sferra which opens at midnight, closes at six, features cage and ballroom dancers, operates a no-photo policy, boasts bowling lanes in the basement and copious quantities of neat vodka (the Belarussians are not familiar with the concept of mixers).

Belarus is a fantastic country to visit and BACCUP make a huge impact on the children there. I had an absolutely amazing time, a view that I am certain others in my group shared. If a fun, interesting and above all entirely rewarding experience is what you’re after then BACCUP certainly ticks all of those boxes.

Nikolas Wyeth Baccup are hosting an information evening in the Wallace Lecture Theatre (room 0.13) in the main building on thursday november 6th at 6.30pm.

Knock knock...

T

hree months: a big void in the student calendar. Making the most of summer, however, isn’t so straightforward.

The obligatory student loan is already parched from books

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and booze, leaving three options; work, maxing out the credit cards or frittering away the time at someone else’s charity. For once I chose the former and in 2007, along with 3,000 other students from 400 universities in 57 countries, I sold children’s educational books and software across subur-

pay

Travel showcases a few examples.

travel

English Summer Reign

T

ban America with The Southwestern Company door-to-door.

Having heard about the company in lectures, I went to a meeting in October to learn more. The Southwestern Company, which has trained students to work in the States since 1868, publishes books and CD-ROMs helping children from preschool through to college. My job over the summer was to sell these, earning commission from each sale.

Over the year, I received training about what to expect and was prepared mentally and emotionally.

Plus there were some legendary socials. As summer approached, I had a Visa appointment at the London US Embassy, where I was grilled with difficult questions such as “Are you a terrorist?” and had my shoes checked for bombs.

Prepped and excited, we left for Nashville, Tennessee in mid-June.

On arrival, our team had a week’s comprehensive training about the products we’d be selling, learning sales talks (no hard-sell here) and being enthused by fantastic speakers. All fired up, we finally set off for Colorado where we lived in twos and threes around Denver, renting rooms cheaply from families.

Working six day weeks, we’d have diner breakfasts each morning with

housemates, planning where to work that day, before splitting up to demonstrate the books to 30 families a day.

Some families slammed the door in your face, whilst others would happily chat all day and buy everything. On my best day I made $424 net profit, which is more cash than a week on minimum wage earns.

The top person in my team made £11,001.53 gross profit… earning potential is unlimited.

This job was tough, physically, emotionally and mentally. The whole experience was quite intimidating initially. I spoke to around 3,000 families and have met lots of like-minded students through the programme, many of whom are now great friends.

Am I a salesman? No. Did I enjoy the experience? Yes, massively.

Would I recommend it? Yes. If you yearn to do something exciting with your summer and leave your comfort zone behind, this is it.

Christofer Lloyd For further information on The Southwestern Company, visit www.southwestern.com

he summer, I completed two gruelling and sometimes seemingly never-ending months teaching English to Spanish kids in a summer school just outside of Barcelona.

The company, English Summer, runs 6 schools in and around the Catalonia region of Spain.

I assumed I would get paid to live out in the sun, two hundred metres from the beach, with a cheap bar across the road. The plan was to sit back, teach a few classes and sip some San Miguels.

The plan backfired.

Within the first four days, five of our sixteen-strong teaching force had run out of their classrooms crying, much to the delight of the kids. We soon realised that we'd actually have to learn the rules of the English language out of a book in order to teach it.

Acting the role of a teacher, though, is pretty fun once you get into it. Doing teachery things like photocopying worksheets and writing on the blackboard is weird at first, but eventually you learn to enjoy the power.

The language barrier isn’t even an issue either, as the school runs an immersion policy. Essentially, all the classes are carried out in English so you don’t need to struggle to get to grips with Spanish, and the children just have to like it or lump it.

After getting used to it, teaching abroad is a really fulfilling job. The children in general actually enjoy learning languages (a far cry from languages in Britain) and are really keen to talk to you in English... even if it is about David Beckham.

Matthew Parr For further information on English Summer, visit www.englishsummer.com.

travel@gairrhydd.com / 25

travel

...wi t hou t bo r de r s Israel's right to existence is denied by many, however this war-torn nation has hidden gems which are completely accessible to culture hungry tourists.

Steve Beynon describes a side to Israel often overlooked by the news.

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warm Israeli nights, smoking traditional shisha pipes (so good) and sipping cocktails… I’d discovered paradise.

Until one night, when a fleet of helicopters flying north disturbed us, each visibly burdened with a bomb or two. “Ah… shit…” On the morning news, I was to discover that Israel was in fact at war with Lebanon, and things were going to get heated. On my last night, in fact, it thrilled me so much more (honestly: I crapped myself slightly) when I heard that Lebanon’s next target was Tel Aviv airport. My nerves didn’t improve on the way back when I was viciously

“

I was sweating like a pig on a spit roast

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A

t the time of writing this, Israel is hitting the news due to ongoing military tension in olive groves, threatening this years’ olive harvest. But there is more to Israel than olives – oh yes. In the village of Abu Ghosh, they also make amazing hoummous…

Food aside, when I spent 2 weeks of my summer in Israel a couple of years ago, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. In my mind, I had built up a vague picture of an extensive area of desert, with the odd house made of sand - kind of like in Star Wars. Yeah, I know, I’m culturally retarded. However, upon arrival in the country’s financial capital of Tel Aviv, I was quite surprised at the extent of billboard-laden skyscrapers stretching out along the coastline, and the streets somewhat strangely lined with palm trees. I was also greeted by an orchestra of car horns from every direction in the city’s rush hour. Israel is in fact a developed country, but not without a distinct culture.

I was staying with my friend and his family though I still experienced Israel to the full. The town, Herzliya, was a mish-mash of eye-pleasing white houses; in my view, much better than any British council estate.

A beach which seemed to stretch for miles in each direction was just a walk away, again lined with palm trees (and parrots!), along with a crawl of funky beach bars. We chilled on the beach through the

frisked and branded with a sticker reading “potential threat” in Arabic.

(Due to my age and gender – don’t judge me here).

If you check the war forecast before you head off to Israel, it’s definitely a place to experience. A day trip to Jerusalem was in fact fantastic. The old walled city is divided into four quarters of different religions – Jewish (Israel is the world’s only Jewish state), Muslim, Christian, and Druze, each offering their own unique architecture, market stalls, and way of life. There is a lot of

history here – the old medieval ruins span that vast deserts in Jaffa are actually awesome, archaeologist or not. Just don’t go there on a hot day.

I was sweating like a pig on a spit roast. Also worth a visit are the small traditional Jewish villages, where you can walk through alleyways of ancient houses to the sound of the call to prayer at the mosque. The call is actually surprisingly pleasing to the ear.

I also went to the Dead Sea – the saltiest water on Earth – and it’s true; you do actually float! Sure, the salt stings your eyes and it’s hard to bear the smell of sulphur, but you can’t do this anywhere else in the world. Apparently the done thing is to strip down, cake yourself in mud, dry it off in the 40°C heat (which shockingly feels pretty cold when in the warm sea), and enjoy the silky smooth skin that results. Unfortunately for me it was the done thing for old Israeli women.

In my opinion – screw all of these package holidays to Spain; do it the Jewish way in Israel, whatever opinions you have from watching the news.

If you've visited anywhere out of the ordinary we want to hear from you. Zimbabwe, Georgia and Burma are on our current hitlist so email travel@gairrhydd.com if you've got a story.

going out

LISTINGS 10/11/08 23/11/08

15/11 •

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10/11

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One Mission DJ competition @ Fun Factory, Solus - FREE

Vinyl Vendettas (Indie/New Wave/Rock n Roll), Clwb Ifor Bach - £5 GIG – Amazing Baby, then Flyswatter (Club night), Barfly - £7.50 Airbourne, Great Hall - £12

GIG - Motorhead, Union Great Hall - £17

20/11 • • • •

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C-Y-N-T (House/Electro/Techno), Clwb Ifor Bach - £3 Nizlopi, Clwb Ifor Bach - £10/11 Uprising Soundsystem (Reggae/Dancehall), Glo Bar - £3 GIG – Kenan Bell & The Music Industry, then Discord (Club night), Barfly - £5/6 Rancid, Great Hall - £15

11/11 •

•

21/11 •

Motorhead

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GIG – Story So Far, then Hammertime! (Club night), Barfly - £5 Year of the Pug (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/£3 Collective (Hip hop), Buffalo Bar - £2/3

12/11

16/11

•

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GIG – Dirty Youth featuring Death of an Icon, then SkinnyGene (Club night), Barfly - £5 Listen Up! (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/3 Neuropol (Dubstep), Glo Bar Free/£3

• •

•

GIG - Harbour, Clwb Ifor Bach - £5 GIG - Dananananaykroyd, Barfly - £7.50 Har Mar Superstar (DJ set) and Innercity Pirates, Glo Bar - £3 before 11, £5 after GIG - The Zutons, Union Great Hall - £20

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14/11 •

• •

GIG – Johnny Foreigner & Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man, then Mad4it! (Club night), Barfly - £7.50 Aperture with Loxy and Kasra (Drum n Bass), Glo Bar - FREE The Dudes Abide Halloween Special, Clwb Ifor Bach £3.50/4.50

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22/11 • •

Vinyl Vendettas (60’s/70’s/80’s), Clwb Ifor Bach - £5 GIG - Spunge, then Flyswatter (Club night), Barfly - £9/10 Cool House (House), Glo Bar - £3

17/11 •

The Red Battle '08, Barfly - £6

Stanton Warriors

•

The Week That Was (Indie/ Electro), Clwb Ifor Bach - £6/7 GIG – Cheeky Cheeky and the Nosebleeds, then Discord (Club night), Barfly - £6 GIG - Elliot Minor, Union Great Hall C-Y-N-T Techno Special featuring Audiojack, Clwb Ifor Bach - £4/5 Uprising Soundsystem (Reggae/Dancehall), Glo Bar - £3

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13/11 •

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The Dudes Abide, Clwb Ifor Bach – £3.50 Junglised presents Friction, Noisia and Alix Perez, Plan B - £10/12 Silent Disco, The Point - £7 GIG - Kinky Wizzards, then Mad4it! (Club night), Barfly - £3/4 Astrosnooze presents Rennie Pilgrem, Glo Bar - £3/£5

18/11 • • •

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Year of the Pug (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/£3 Collective (Hip hop). Glo Bar - £2/3 The Red Battle '08, then Hammertime! (Club night), Barfly - £6

Paul Heaton plus Cerys Matthews, Solus - £16.50

23/11 • •

19/11 • •

28/goingout@gairrhydd.com

GIG – Zenyth, then SkinnyGene (Club night), Barfly - £4 Listen Up! (Indie), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2/3

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GIG – The Airborne Toxic Event, Barfly - £6/5 Living Room (acoustic), Clwb Ifor Bach - £2 Tantrum presents Atomic Hooligan, Glo Bar - FREE

going out

REVIEWS AUDIO BULLYS AND FREESTYLERS - SOLUS -

I

t’s clear that the Halloween festivities are under way, with Scream masks and fake blood galore as I make my way up the Union steps. Yet, as I walk into the venue there is a certain lack of anticipation for the evening ahead, which makes me a little bit dubious. That and the fact that there’s only one bar open.

However, despite being completely off their faces, Audiobullys aren’t bad by any account. In fact,

they make me do a little jive that definitely gets me in the mood.

However, that’s as far as it goes.

The duo’s fused elements of breaks, hip-hop, punk, garage and house with clever beats are something I’d probably listen to in my bedroom, but they're not quite sufficient for me to break down to on the dancefloor.

Nevertheless, it’s enough to get things rolling before Freestylers light up the stage. And that they do, throwing out tune after tune that gets the crowd bouncing. The london breakbeat outfit smash out mixes of popular numbers like Renegade Master and more recent hits like Madcon’s Beggin’, which go down a treat with the somewhat eclectic audience. All in all, there is something for everyone, and that makes for an enjoyable evening throughout.

Amy Walker

SNAP HAPPY?

send us your going out pics and you could get your face on these pages!

goingout@gairrhydd.com / 29

T H G LI& SHADE arts

A contrast of cheeky humour and dark drama in Cardiff...

W

hen heroin-addicted prostitute Rose gives birth to baby Beauty, she is forced to hand the child over to social services, who begin proceedings for her adoption by an affluent couple. What unfolds is an emotional and riveting battle of wills, class and control.

Loosely inspired by experiences of friends of writer and director Polly Teague, the play boasts a certain honesty about the fact that things aren't always as simple as we would like them to be – an uncomfortable truth effectively presented

in the faltering relationship of the central couple.

Alistair Petrie is particularly convincing as the male lead, struggling to come to terms with problems he can’t fix, and reluctant to let a baby that may not be permanently his into his life.

Though the dialogue occasionally verges on cliché and Clare Lawrence Stone (the female lead) sometimes plays slightly too close to hysteria, the more abstract elements of the piece more than prevent this from turning into an episode of Eastenders. Simply and stylishly staged - with particular emphasis on the beautiful dolls’ house which forms one of the play’s central motifs - Mine often feels both realistic and slightly voyeuristic despite its experimental trappings.

In staging a complex and touchy issue in such a sensitive and considered manner, the Shared Experience company have created a piece of theatre which manages to be utterly gripping and thoughtprovoking in a way which lingers in the mind long after the final denouement.

Emma Davies

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Mine Sherman Theatre 30/10/08

both realistic and slightly voyeuristic... utterly gripping

30 /arts@gairrhydd.com

arts

Noises Off New Theatre 21/10/08

L

ights, camera, and plenty of action! Noises Off is a production that gives you two plays for the price of one. The performance centres on a troupe of actors who are rehearsing and later touring with their play, Nothing On. The comedy value comes from the backstage mishaps that occur; basically, everything and anything that could go wrong does go wrong.

The first half of the production shows the actors rehearsing in a

Jason Manford The Sherman Theatre 25/10/08

B

est known for his performance on Eight out of Ten Cats, Jason Manford proved that he can step out of Peter Kay’s shadow and perform a very entertaining and enjoyable set.

Using observational comedy and witty banter, Jason Manford focused his routine on the simple things in life that the audience could naturally relate to and find both amusing and easy to listen to. Cyclists not stopping for traffic lights, women wanting chats and cuddles before sex, and the funny lies that dads tell their children were just some of the themes of the night. Whilst other comedians go for the weird and wonderful ap-

“

frantic manner. Everyone forgets their lines and their cue to come on, causing hilarious pandemonium.

There are doors slamming, props falling down, and plates of sardines chucked around the stage. Another funny factor is the love triangles that are played out ‘on’ and ‘off’ stage.

The well-timed innuendos and tongue-in-cheek references make for laugh out loud comedy.

The second half of the play unfolds the backstage drama, where everything continues to go drastically wrong. There's an extremely fast pace and the audience has to stay constantly engaged to keep up with the play. At times, the comedy value wears off and becomes quite tiring; after all there is only so many times

that you can watch someone fall over and still find it funny. There's a sense that the play is just trying too hard to make the audience laugh.

The production gets quite silly and repetitive, making the audience ask, what the hell is actually going on?

It's deliberately overly chaotic, making the whole production ridiculously unbelievable and forced. But the production as a whole is amusing and light-hearted, and draws most of its comedy from traditional theatre mishaps. Despite its shortfalls, Michael Frayn’s production is cleverly put together and choreographed to perfection.

Lisa Evans

proach to comedy, Manford tended to stick to what he knew, chatting a lot about his childhood and family life. He was very aware of his roots, having growing up in Manchester supporting Man City, and this came across strongly in his set.

Audience participation was also a key element to

the performance. Manford was constantly looking for ways to mock the audience, and woe betide anyone who dared leave the theatre in the middle of one of his jokes. One poor audience member experienced this first hand when she left to go to the loo and returned to find the comedian discussing her bodily functions.

During his encore, Manford held a question and answer session that lasted about half an hour, an unusual technique but enjoyable nonetheless. He bantered with the audience about Jimmy Carr, hecklers and his choice of career.

Jason came across with great enthusiasm, and although taking a while to get going, proved that he could subtly control the audience as he served up uncomplicated, witty banter for nearly three hours.

Brittany Maher-Kirk

he served up uncomplicated, witty banter for nearly three hours

“ arts@gairrhydd.com / 31

books

Books putting trees to good use

The Other Garden and Collected Stories, Francis Wyndham (Picador)

Twenty Thousand Saints, Fflur Dafydd (Alcemi)

A

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Whole pages are taken up with mundane interactions

ending, Wyndham seems instead to build only toward a disappointing anticlimax, creating a bland universe which disappears from your mind the second you close the book.

For the most part, these stories are simple and straight-forward, although there is the occasional slight foray into the postmodern, such as in ‘The Ground Hostess’. Though showing more ambition than the rest of the tales, this comes across clumsily, and leaves the reader with the sense that they’ve seen this done before and much better.

This may keep you reading for a while against your will – if only to see if anything will actually start to happen: nothing will. Sublimely forgettable.

Emma Davies

32 / books@gairrhydd.com

W

ith a lot of books, if I struggle with the first two chapters, I generally just give up.

Fortunately, after the first few chapters, the book really started to pick up and I actually read the whole thing over an afternoon.

“

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collection of stories spanning over 40 years, The Other Garden and Collected Stories attempts to paint a picture of a world gone by, overshadowed by the threat of the actuality of war. While this sounds good in theory, the reality contains very little of merit.

While ideally a short story or novella should contain intrigue-piquing characters, these have quirks which are so flagrantly emphasised that they essentially seem contrived to lend eccentricity to characters, thus emphasising their basic flatness. There is also much reliance upon dialogue, with whole pages often taken up with mundane interactions, making for a heavy read.

Frustratingly, these stories also go on for far too long, and end in a very abrupt manner. While an unexpected finish can often make for a more thought-provoking

I guess I liked it.

I'm just not sure why

However, I still have mixed feelings about it.

That's not to say that I didn't think the book had some flaws. The Bardsey setting was intriguing, but I felt like I needed some knowledge of what was so significant about the island, and also, where it was. This is the author's first English-language novel, but at the same time, i think there was a certain knowledge of Welsh language and cutlure assumed by the reader.

The plot also grated slightly, and I wasn't sure if I felt the various strands were satisfactorily resolved.

What did happen to Viv's mother. I expected Viv to have murdered her (I'm not going to spoil the plot if you plan to buy this. Leri and Greta's relationship was too subtle and I didn't really care. And they never did make their documentary. Mererid didn't seem to add anything to the story either. She's struggling to write a poem at the start and still seems to be struggling at the end.

Despite its flaws, I would recommend this as a read. Dafydd's actual style is good, and the book is easy to read.

Ultimately, I guess I liked it. I'm just not sure why I liked it. it was a good read overall. I just struggle to say why because I didn't really like any of the individual parts of the book.

Aisling Tempany

books Yeah Dai Dando, Meic Stephens (Cinnamon)

Y

eah, Dai Dando takes you inside the head of a young, working class, English-speaking Welshman. David Dando is a Pontypridd man, now living and working in Cardiff, but as he becomes embroiled in the world of Welsh speakers and the Plaid Cymru he slowly drifts from his strong roots in the South Wales Valleys.

Dave loses grasp of everything he thought he knew, and the story spirals to a tense, unanswered climax. He becomes tangled in a society of middle class academics where he feels out of place and deceived. Meanwhile, back at home Dave’s familiar family life withers away into poverty and neglect.

Dave’s character is described down to the last detail, accent and all, so his inner monologues really take you inside his head. Dave’s conversations with a mysterious all-knowing figure, possibly the author, also made me feel like I truly knew him, and despite the constant reminders that it's only a story I felt myself caught up in Dave’s fate. It is impossible not to feel close to this brilliantly constructed character and the issues he faces.

The book's second level, where the fate of Wales itself seems tied to that of Dave, gives it a more thought-provoking dimension. For Dave the old traditional Wales he knew dies at the beginning of the story, and the new Wales seems caught up with his infectious and bewildering love for Eleri. This book is a fantastically honest story, and unlike anything else that I have ever read.

Emma Pocklington

Anthem, Ayn Rand (Penguin Modern Classics)

A

yn Rand's novella, Anthem, first published in 1938, is a pre-World War Two dystopic vision of the future. It's been recently reprinted by Penguin, and the story remains a fairly modern and interesting read .

Anthem is set in the future, when civilisation as we know it has been eradicated. It is replaced by a dystopian society where there are no liberties, no individualism and a distinct lack of dignity. Rand's vision of future society is likely to have been influenced by living in Stalinist Russia. Her themes of anti-collectivism are apparent throughout, and she uses the main character to emphasise and celebrate free thinking.

Anthem is written by Equality 7-2521 in the form of a secret diary, for it is a sin to write anything without permission from the ominous council. His diary tracks his progression after accidently finding an opportunity to break away from his forced, regimented way of living. As Equality 7-2521 becomes more independent he starts to realise that he is something, and that it is possible to exist without his brothers and the state.

Anthem is written in the plural form of first person narrative - an unusual style which takes some getting used to. Rand writes eloquently, but at times he can be confusing. She demonstrates her opinions clearly, though, and the book itself is short and pretty punchy, making it an intelligent read to be seen with in between lectures.

Lizzie Foggitt

Books In Cardiff a guide to all things literary and local.

November 12 - Patrick Jones launches new book darkness is where the stars are. Waterstones, 7pm.

Real poets don't need to use capital letters in their book titles.

I suspect a few Manic Street Preachers fans will be there, if not an actual Manic Street Preacher. There's free wine, too.

November 15 - Launch of Living Where the Nights Jive, ed. Maggie Hampton. Sbectrwm,Blwch Road, Cardiff. 3.30pm Collection of stories of ten disabled women. Sounds very serious.

November 22 - Peter Luther signs copies of The Mourning Vessels. Borders, 1.30pm Not much is happening this fortnight in Cardiff. Random fact: this author's secretary used to go out with my boyfriend. It's a small world.

books@gairrhydd.com /

33

books

"I think I could easily write another ten novels set in Wales, without ever getting bored" pany about her novel Fflur Dafydd talks to Aisling Tem iting, Bardsey, and Twenty Thousand Saints, welsh wr advises us to read more.

Y

ou were recently part of Baylit: Shock of the New. David Llewyllen, at the festival, thought that literature was never really new or shocking, just that society viewed shock differently. Do you think that literature can still be shocking and new, or would you agree with David?

I think literature can certainly ask difficult questions, those questions that society never ventures to ask. A creative meditation such as literature can be more extreme or shocking than many other forms of discussion, because there are no boundaries, no limits set by anyone other than the author.

To me, that is probably the most wonderful thing about literature and art - complete, boundless freedom to say what you want to say, without censorship or dilution. Art is always new and shocking in my opinion, no matter how subtly done.

Your previous two novels,

34 / books@gairrhydd.com

Lliwiau Liw Nos and Atyniad, were in Welsh. Why did you choose to write Twenty Thousand Saints in English?

I think it was the subject itself - Bardsey Island - that chose the language for me. I wanted to be able to depict Bardsey to the whole of Wales, to communicate its importance for us as a nation, and also to make people aware of its cultural/ political significance, as well as its day-to-day reality. Also, writing in English gave me the opportunity to communicate certain things about Welshlanguage identity to those who don't speak the language - and to contribute to the dialogue between the English-language and Welsh-language literatures of Wales, hopefully bridging the gap a little.

At Baylit, several authors talked about Welsh writing as a genre. What do you think defines Welsh writing (apart from the language)?

That's an interesting question.

I don't think Welsh writing has a particular set of characteristics. People tend to generalise, and think of Welsh writing as particularly rural and lyrical, even though there is now just as much urban, gritty literature being produced in both languages.

If it is a genre in its own right then I suppose it's literature that addresses notions of identity and belonging, and how memory and the past are continuously being reconstructed.

These are the themes that seem to me to crop up time and time again in both English-language and Welsh-language novels in Wales.

Twenty Thousand Saints is set in Bardsey, where you were writer-in-residence? Any secrets you'd like to share about the island?

You'll have to read the novel!

All I can say is that island life is like no other; it makes you reconsider your life and your

books

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the bardsey of my novel is more erotic than exotic

values, and coming back to mainland life after such a long, intense period with the same people feels unnatural almost, like a kind of betrayal. It took me a long time to re-adjust, to stop feeling like modern conveniences were getting in the way of life. I lived without a TV for months, afterwards, until - rather ironically - a bunch of people who I'd met on the island came to stay and insisted that I buy one! But island companions are friends for life, and it's the kind of place that gets under your skin, invades your dreams, and keeps your perspective fresh and different.

Are there any more exotic locations you'd like to write about?

I don't know if the island is exotic - the Bardsey of my novel is more erotic than exotic!

But I have travelled to a lot of beautiful places to attend literary festivals over the past two years, and visited interesting islands - Croatia has thousands of them and they are all enchanting, and certainly intriguing enough to write about. But I'm more interested in writing about Wales than anywhere else. For a small country we're hugely varied and diverse - I think I could easily write another 10 novels set in Wales, without ever getting bored. Caldey Island is somewhere I'd like to spend more time - I've been there a few times and been very taken by it - if anybody wants to offer me a residency there I'd be happy to go!

You're a creative writing

lecturer in Swansea. What do you think are the most important things in writing and do you have any advice for any aspiring writers reading?

One thing that has surprised me over the past few years is that many aspiring writers don't really read much. I think reading is a kind of apprenticeship for a writer, and you need to do as much of it as you can in order to get a feel of what is out there, and what constitutes good writing, otherwise there will never be any improvement in your work. Also, another thing you need to help you survive as a writer is the determination and perseverance to sit down everyday and just do it. And thirdly, you need a thick skin to cope with reviews!

Twenty Thousand Saints is published by Alcemi, and is reviewed on page 32. books@gairrhydd.com / 35

30 / arts@gairrhydd.com

digital

DIGITAL\:10110101001010001000 100110011011001100110011101101 100110110010011000101001010101 010101011000101001010101100010

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same time this information is only a glimpse of what a full description would entail.

Personally I wouldn’t want to receive someone’s autobiography when I ask them how their day was, and as long as you’re aware that when someone tells you they ‘luv’ you it comes with a great deal of compression, then we aren’t cheapening our own experiences of a situation.

It comes down to this: would you prefer a small crystal clear view of the world through a single window without a speck of dirt on it? Or an entire room made of glass that you could see the whole world out of, only its obstructed by dirt. If you’re aware that the dirt is there, then you can understand that the subject is more complicated than the information you are receiving makes out, and the dirt won’t effect your understanding as much. If we can see through the compression of our language then this new ’txt tlk’ enriches and expands our view of the world, rather than lowering our intelligence to that of a big brother viewer.

Tom Baker

Everything has been compressed, from our "lols" to our "luvs"

V V

A

s the internet grows, and expression through instant mediums such as text messaging become part of everyday life, the way we talk to people across the world is evolving.

The main way in which things have changed is through compression. Everything has been compressed, from our "lols" to our "luvs", but the real question is how this is affecting the way we communicate with other people and the world around us. 'Txt talk' is quickly becoming part of our shared understanding of the world.

Some people would argue that by bastardising something as complex as language into a form which is a mere shadow of its former self, is making a generation of people less able to express themselves in an intellectual manner.

Compressing language into more basic forms allows us to digest more information in a shorter space of time, like saying ‘rotfl’ means ’I just smiled a little’. We are now relaying and taking in information a lot quicker than we used to, but at the

FUTURE RELEASES

Dawn of War 2 PC

As an avid DOW fan the news of a sequel had me declaring my love for THQ from the rooftops, and the recent release of cutscene videos almost made me want to propose. One to watch.

V V

WTF? All the big words in Quench getting you down? Tom Baker reckons we should embrace the future and throw away the dictionary...

V V

OMFGSTFU!

Starcraft 2 PC

2009 seems to be the year for PC RTS sequels as Starcraft 2 finally promises to grace our screens in the painful years of wait since its revolutionary first iteration.

digital@gairrhydd.com / 37

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digital

e c a p S d a e D ...or is it?

Dead Space Electronic Arts

D

ead space is definitely a game that has crept up on gamers. I don't know whether its because I've had my head stuck in a crater for the last few months, but I certainly hadn't heard much about it up until its release. Surprisingly, however, the lack of hype actually plays to the game's favour. Its a sci-fi horror game, and you play the role of Isaac Clarke. He's an engineer who gets caught up in a horrific nightmare while on a routine communications repair job aboard the mining ship Ishimura.

The opening sequence and general look is reminiscent of Doom

38 / digital@gairrhydd.com

3, but those similarities disappear as you work your way through the first chapter. This really is a game that has brought a new lease of life to the survival-horror genre. As fantastic a game Resident Evil 4 was, it completely forgot about the horror element. It was a good action game, but it's not what the series was renowned for. Dead Space is definitely what RE4 should of been, and borrows nearly all elements - including the 3rd person camera. Don't worry though, it isn't just RE4 in space: it's much more exciting than that!

Dead Space just oozes atmosphere. The detailed environments and the excellent lighting really

enhance the whole experience. I wouldn't say the game is terrifying, but there's always a constant build of tension, then relief. Unless you're a particularly hard nut to crack you'll be jumping at shadows throughout.

What really puts the player on edge, though, is the music and sound effects. The soundtrack really adds an extra dimension; you'll find yourself unnerved by the sound of a regular, distant tapping, and when you're presented with the source of the noise you'll probably piss your pants.

Without giving too much away, don't play this expecting the slowmoving brainless zombies of Resident Evil. Action is thick and fast.

digital

REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS

Fable 2 Microsoft Game Studios

R

emember all that insane hype for Fable back in the early 2000s? Well fast for-

With the control setup you'll be clambering for whatever button you can get hold of to kill the various mutated mining crew. As you progress you're able to buy more weapons and upgrade them. It's guaranteed, however, that as soon as you get confident, a new enemy or situation will present itself that'll make you flee like a little girl.

Originally, you're given a mining cutter (the equivalent of a hand gun) but if you run out of ammo you can swing at enemies with it. If you knock them down, it's possible to stamp on them to finish the job.

As far as the interface goes, it's really smooth and clean. Health is displayed as part of your character's suit as four blue bars. There's no cluttering onscreen; inventory, maps, spaceship consoles and transmissions appear as holograms so they don't halt gameplay or distract from the atmosphere. The action cutscenes allow you to fully rotate the camera, and if you're controlling your character through cutscenes you won't be putting your controller down for a second.

Dead Space is gripping and well presented, boasting solid gameplay that other survival horror games should take note of. Rent it for a night and you'll be pleasantly horrified.

Liam Charalambous

ward to the present - Fable 2 is upon us!

Should we gamers buy into the hype for a second time? Why not?!

Where else am I going to get my RPG fix? Fable 2 doesn’t have to be epic to get me through the holidays.

I just want a fun hack-n-slash with tons of stuff to do. It’s got all the standard RPG fare: swords, spells, giant bugs, gold, XP, you name it.

The childhood phase of the game looks cute in a Zelda-esque way, but the later stages satisfy the transition into adulthood with a strong emphasis on grit. It lets you buy up real estate, get jobs, buy furniture for your home, and indulge in other grown-up activities (wink wink). It's essentially Sims with swords. Fable 2 family life got you down? You’re free to drink dizzying amounts of

On the Rain-Slick: Precipice of Darkness, Episode 2 Penny Arcade Adventures

S

ince its inception, Xbox Live Arcade has opened up new avenues of distribution to independent developers. Adding a superbly casual element to the Xbox experience, you can load these games up on a whim and enjoy five minutes of mindless action. The innovative elements are hugely important in a market dominated by sequels, franchises and EA. One of the smaller - but still crucial - games is Penny Arcade’s offering.

Penny Arcade is an often screamingly funny webcomic that focuses on the game world. It’s one of the most popular comics around, and has expanded to include the Penny

mead and gamble away your gold pieces at the roulette table after a hard day’s work. Want revenge for your current economic crunch? Buy your neighbour’s house out from under him and put him out on the street. But if you’re a kinder soul, don’t worry; there are plenty of nice things for you to do too.

The extras (dog, wife, kid, rent to collect, drinking) make Fable 2 fun.

And despite the additions, it still has the solid action-adventure layout of the first Fable.

The main quest is shorter then I expected - around a good 10 hours but the game is much more expansive than that. There are a lot of side quests, and after you beat the main quest, you'll be coming back and playing for a long time.

Bhanu Singh

Arcade Expo, which since the demise of E3 has become the biggest game exhibition in the world. This is their first foray into the world of gaming. They're the equivalent of the bedroom programmer; the sort of people that invented Worms and Populous, and have been sadly lacking in gaming over the last ten years. They allow individuality and creativity to blossom, instead of the sad old tired FIFA sequels and shoot-em-ups that generate millions but bore people to tears. The equivalent of Shaun Of The Dead against Disaster Movie; the work of love against the work of greed.

But whining aside… is it actually any good?

Well, yes and no. It’s funny. It’s definitely funny. It’s polished, it looks good, and there are no silly bugs in it. The writing is superb and the mechanics work well. You can see the love that’s gone into it, and the influences that have been taken from classic games, and literary references from Raymond Chandler.

But it’s so short you don’t really get a whole lot out of it. There’s better value stuff on the Arcade. Even if you’re a PA fan I’d recommend waiting until all the episodes are finished and you actually get a whole game out of it instead of just one part, for hopefully better value.

Richard Wood

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music

inmusicthisweek

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huwstephens

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musiceditorial newsinbrief A Tee Pee Festival

NME Tool list

Beardo

Yeah baby! All Tomorrow's Parties are back with a bang as the initial announcements for the major May events have emerged this week.

For those unfamiliar with ATP, this is basically how it works: replace grotty fields with the 'luxury' Butlins chalets, and scrap aging festival promoters picking the line-up in favour of indie rock pioneers with impeccable taste. This year sees the first glorious weekend curated collabortively by ATP and ticket holders themselves, whilst the second line-up will be selected

by The Breeders. Names already confirmed over the two weekends include Holy Fuck, Sleep, Devo and Bon Iver.

I know this is an easy target, but I can't resist passing a judgemental eye over the annual NME cool list.

It's not so much the content, but rather that the whole idea of ranking people in order of 'cool' is an utterly disgusting concept. When did everyone's favorite indie rag become Smash Hits with guitars, and why exactly is Liam Gallaghar considered cool again? I accept that it must be a fun activity for a group of school children to sit around and talk about who they think is the coolest, or what ice cream flavour they think is the best, but the NME editorial staff, really?

Plus, Nick Cave is so the coolest anyway, yeah?

So if you head over to www.pitchfork.tv there is a tasty little website bringing you hot new music videos, exclusive live performances, original content and my new favorite comedy mini-series; Beardo.

Beardo is Les Savy frontman Tim Harrington, and the programme is essentially him fucking about in a flat (probably his own) with a tiny budget and his minor celebrity friends. The first episode 'Vampiral Dysfunction' features Kristen Schaal of Flight of the Concordes fame, and is generally just a silly piece of video footage. A must see for fans of the Fav, and an irrelevant news story for anyone else reading this.

discoverlocal...

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ully geared up for the night of post rock chaos ahead of me, Talons (formally known as Kites) certainly seem to fit the bill, and as the Herefordshirebased musicians take to the stage, there is an instant feeling that I am not about to be disappointed.

Rotating between up to eleven different musicians on a given night (although performing as a quintet tonight), Talons' live set is a refreshingly uncomplicated arrangement of

Talons. Buffalo Bar. 27/10/08

epic proportions.

Hitting you with an instant wall of sound, the Mogwai-esque mentalists' ambient build-up breaks into an uncomprimising torrent of soaring guitar and crashing drums.

Their sound does more than just fill the room: it smothers you and warms you, resonating around you with an uplifting ambience.

Making the most of their allotted time, the band's continuous sound leaves you fixated throughout the set and means that there are rarely

moments of silence.

Although they put together a relatively tight set, there is a feeling that this is a band with a lot of room to grow. Their sound doesn't appear to be a complete one, but there is undoubtedly a great deal of promise shown tonight.

With a debut single scheduled for release in February, and an album sure to follow, Talons are certainly ones to watch on the future local scene.

Adam Woodward

music@gairrhydd.com / 41

In Huw Stephe

music

With Swn festival just around the corner Guy Ferneyhough met up with its curator and Radio 1 host, Huw Stephens, to discuss this year's festivities

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wn festival is coming, Cardiff’s answer to Camden Crawl debuted last year and now it returns with three days of live music, DJ sets and seminars spread across our fair city. Guy Ferneyhough caught up with Swn founder and Radio 1 DJ Huw Stephens to chat about the festival and see how preparations are going.

hop crews playing, there’s a lot of art, films, you get money off in shops with your wristband as well. It’s a city centre festival if you like, with lots of different bands and artists playing, a large percentage of it is from Wales, some coming in from outside as well.

That’s what Swn is, essentially.

What does Swn mean?

Swn is the welsh word for sound, pronounced soon. Even though a lot of people don’t know how to pronounce it we didn’t want to go with something like Cardiff Crawl or Cardiff Calling Swn is a great big party basically or anything like that, Diff Fest was an that happens in Cardiff city centre, original idea, but we wanted to call it one wristband gets you into loads and loads of gigs over the weekend, something that would stand out like Latitude, something that would stand there’s about 150 bands, DJs, hip out as a word, so Swn seemed apt.

I was wondering if you could explain to people what Swn is?

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I guess it helps to reflect the festival's welsh identity as well...

I think it’s important, you’ve got the great escape in Brighton, Camden Crawl in London, In the City in Manchester, so to make the festival stand out we wanted that, we want people from all over Wales to come! The Welsh element is very important, and that’s reflected in the line up as well.

People don’t really know about welsh-language bands given that they don’t get much publicity, is there any you recommend to check out during Swn? Yeah! Some bilingually cross over like Radio Luxembourg, Threatman-

ns We Trust tics, Cate Le Bon, but people might know those. Some which people are less likely to have heard of – I’d recommend going to see Genod Droog – they’re a welsh hip hop crew, but it’s their last ever gig.

They’re playing with GLC at The Point on Sunday; they’re brilliant live.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday respectively.

We’re using the Gate too, but other than that it’s all the ones people know – Welsh Club, Barfly, Buffalo… We were going to use 10 feet tall, but they can’t put music on anymore so that stuff is being moved to Kaz Bar on Womanby street.

They rap in welsh?

Yeah! I think it’s going to be alright, we’re going to put a big PA in there, they like putting on covers bands so we’re going to stop that for a weekend. It’s going to host the Moshi Moshi night, the My Kung Fu night and the Kruger night.

I went to Swn last year, which was obviously it’s first year, and I was wondering if you had made any changes or improvements to the festival?

More bands than last year, more spread out across the city, and more equal. Last year we had the Cribs and Annie Mac in the Union, we’re not using the Union this year, it’s just too big for us as a festival.

Rhyiadan Smith in the National Museum of Wales. This year, there’s about 150 bands, djs, hip hop crews playing, there’s a lot of art, films, you get money off in shops with your wristband as well. It’s a city centre festival if you like, with lots of different bands and artists playing, a large percentage of it is from Wales, some coming in from outside as well, that’s what Swn is essentially.

You’re using some interesting venues this year I saw, like the National Museum Of Wales, and The Gate in Roath. Are you doing anything in Vodka Revolution or was that just a scurrilous lie someone told me?

We were going to use it originally, but we’re not now, unfortunately. The Rhydian Smith (in the museum) is going to be amazing I think, their last gigs were in the seventies, Young Marble Giants, Euros Childs and Jeff Hill are all playing there on the

“

There's quite a lot of welshlanguage hip hop, because welsh is a poetic language

“

They rap in welsh! There’s quite a lot of welsh language hip hop actually, because welsh is quite poetic I guess. Dr Gonzo and the Druids are my other tip - they play Clwb on the Saturday night; they’re good fun.

Isn’t that a Mediterranean restaurant?

So, what acts have you got playing who we can check out now before they go on to big things?

Well, Golden/Silvers are playing Kaz Bar on Saturday and hopefully they’ll do well next year, The Big Pink are amazing live, also Tubelord and Flashguns will go on to bigger and better things as well, oh, and I recommend everyone to go and see Rolo Tomassi on Friday at Clwb. I’ve seen them a few times now and they’re just unbelievable. Everyone on the non welsh list is doing exciting stuff, Cats in Paris… I could just name everyone to be honest. Then again it’s the same on the welsh list, there’s new bands like Friends Electric, Sweet Baboo is amaz-

music

ing, Joy Formidable should do good things next year, The Muscle Club – they’re brilliant. It’s a good festival to come to and cram as much into one weekend as possible.

Could you tell us a little bit about the art and seminars, stuff aside from the music?

The seminars are really exciting for us, they’re on the 13th and 14th in the Atrium, just behind the CIA. The seminars are free with a wrist band, Thursday is the interactive one with people from Last FM and Myspace coming down to talk about their world.

Friday is all music seminars, there’s one about how to be DIY in everything that you do. I’m interviewing Scouting for Girls! They’re playing the CIA that night and they’ve had a number one album, it’ll be an interesting one.

If people can’t afford to shell out for a wristband but they still want to see stuff then can they do that?

They can, yeah! A wristband is £45. Our thing is that even though it sounds expensive when you divide it by how many gigs you can see and how much you can get out of it, it works out quite cheap. If you want to go to one gig then you can just pay on the door - they’re all different prices which you can find on the website.

Swn festival takes place from the 14th - 16th of November. Tickets can be purchased from Spillers Records or online from www. sebon.co.uk

music

albums albums albums albums THE CURE 4:13 Dream

KEANE Perfect Symmetry

THE SATURDAYS Chasing Lights

Geffen

Island

Fascination Records

band’s 13th album is usually more associated with embarrassment and loose skin than the collection of tender love songs and angular pop gems that are featured here.

Robert Smith’s soothing vocals come as comforting reassurance that bands can age gracefully, yet don’t be fooled into thinking this is a soppy affair. Freakshow, for example, is a twisted amalgam of squealing guitars and sing-a-long verses, whilst Real Snow White recovers from its dodgy intro to deliver yet another classic Cure melody.

The real highlight tracks here, however, are those stripped down to their bare bones. Reasons Why, for instance, is a beautiful yet haunting account of a real life suicide, whilst Hungry Ghost is equally powerful.

Disintegration or The Head on the Door this is not, but 4:13 Dream maintains the band's freakishly high standard.

Kyle Ellison

odging any crap pun on how 'keen' I am on Perfect Symmetry, is the third album from Keane actually any good? It has been noted by the band that they are sick of the endless Coldplay comparisons and Perfect Symmetry goes a long way to put these behind them.

Cries of "Ooo" open the album on first single Spiralling, giving more than a cheeky nod to the eighties followed by the almost epic Lovers are Losing. It is on these stompers that Chaplin's vocals are reminiscent of Killers front man Brandon Flowers, which is no bad thing.

But for those of you who quite like a bit of Coldplay, the album isn't without its softer moments. These aren't bad, but mostly forgettable and the album closer is no exception. Perfect Symmetry is not without its flaws but when it gets going it doesn't matter - you're too busy yelping "Ooo" to care.

George Simpson

hasing Lights is the début album from The Saturdays and, with all the essential ingredients for pop success, these girls mean business.

Filled with nostalgic 80s electro beats as well as a nod to some of the female vocalists currently dominating the charts - Rihanna and Girls Aloud immediately spring to mind - the album is crammed with fresh, catchy tunes guaranteed to inject some sparkle into a mundane day.

The lyrics do fall victim to some audacious rhyming couplets in places, but with two former members of S Club Juniors you could hardly expect gritty realism, could you? Never a fan of ballads, Fall is not a personal favourite, but with infectious tracks such as Keep Her, and tantalising beats that won't fail to get you dancing, Chasing Lights is the perfect guilty pleasure.

Ashling Moran

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Hot Chip

live live live live live live live

NEON NEON Trinity Centre

THE WALKMEN Thekla

HOT CHIP Great Hall

28/10/08

16/10/08

24/10/08

eforming a complex concept album live isn’t easy, especially when you’re playing electro in a church hall.

Tonight, the projector doesn’t work, the sound effect sticks mess up, and half of the support act is being held at the Canadian border. Yowzer.

But out of this shambles emerges an incredible show. Neon Neon play the album pretty much in order, but it remains fresh. Every song sounds like it was made to be performed live – even Michael Douglas, a weak album track that becomes the set’s highlight. Finally, Stainless Style is turned from a brief song about a funeral to a soaring 15-minute rave that ends the show perfectly.

They’ve got great support, too: a depleted Yo Majesty impress the locals with slick beats and slicker rapping (although the crowd is far too white and middle-class to sing “fuck that shit” in church), and Har Mar Superstar sings falsetto standing on his head. Which is cool.

Huw Davies and Andy Coulson

irstly, this has to be said, because I didn't know until I stumbled there: the venue, Thekla, is a bloody boat! Like a proper boat! On water and everything! Genius.

The Walkmen open with a few songs from their new album, You and Me, before reverting back to tracks from arguably their best album Bows and Arrows from 2004.

The combination of The Rat followed by What's In It For Me, played in the same powerful fashion as on The OC back in the day.

New songs such as Canadian Girl and Red Moon are accompanied by a 3-man brass section, carried out by local Bristolians. It's a nice touch, and gets the crowd even more on their side.

Overall, a very good night, the top-class performance was to be expected and they duly delivered.

Plus, it was a freezing night, and the steel tables of the boat (the boat!) kept my beer pretty damn cold. Can't complain about that.

Robin Morgan

lexis and his friends have come to funk up Cardiff following the release of their third album, a veritable smorgasbord of summer festival appearances, plus the little matter of a North American tour. Everyone’s favourite foodstuff are playing to a sold-out Great Hall.

Entering to a fervent audience of varied shapes and sizes, the aforementioned album's early tracks work everyone into a sweaty mess. That's until we get a taste of Hot Chip’s more sensitive side with the delicate title-track Made In The Dark. It's smiley faces and aimless hand shaking all round as they cater to the crowd with Ready For The Floor & Over and Over, sending them into a karaoke-like state.

The highlight of the night comes in the form of a dazzling Nothing Compares 2 U cover, which gets the full fat electropop treatment and gives ample compensation for the dire support that was Max Tundra.

But balls to that, and on good sir to the Clwb Ifor Bach after-party.

Tom Coyle

Bloc Party

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music

live live live live live live live THE WEEK THAT WAS

Clwb 30/10/08

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vocals. Out of the keys, synths and beats the lyric "come home” is driven into your head by poignant repetition. Suddenly each song sounds perfectly crafted, built up then placed back down on an appreciative applauding crowd.

The Week's songs are minutely constructed, their musical effort is obvious and their tour schedule gruelling. This isn’t a band you can hear, you must listen, and when you do you'll be instantly rewarded.

Nick Yates

fan-fucking-tastic and so our bouncy enthusiasm was in fact totally justifiable. So there.

Times New Viking thrashed through a set of lo-fi garage ditties, pulling tracks from this year’s Rip It Off and new EP, Stay Awake.

Attempts at recreating that fuzzy DIY-guitar sound orally afterwards were an embarrassing failure, but the fact that we tried is (probably) a testament to the Ohio trio’s signature sound. Guest vocals from Gareth Los Campesinos! were a treat, despite us having no idea what the cover song was meant to be. This was irrelevant.

No Age offered an equally unstoppably set once they got going; single

Teen Creeps is certainly one of the highlights of the night, and fills the intimate Fleece with brutal distortion and reverb.

A short break later and Los Campesinos take to the stage as headliners. Having both No Age and Times New Viking as supports is a perfect recipe for an upstaging, but Los Campesinos showed no signs of intimidation and breezed through a set comprising of old favourites and tracks from new album, ‘We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed’. It provided a suitable end to a superb show and thankfully our ridiculously high expectations went totally fulfilled, and faces were shredded. Ha. Phil Guy

Los CAmpesinos!

he Week That Was come hailed by critics as full of “moments and mystery”; painted as a “musical puzzle”.

Quiet intelligence strikes first. The band slide on stage and sit aside their instruments staring blankly

like actors in a freeze frame.

A drum stick solo kicks the band into action, the floor toms supply a heavy beat, garnished with glockenspiel. Four fabulous musicians provide a great demonstration of 80s esq excess. But each verse then chorus has just one too many elements to make it work.

Then their sound just clicks into place. In Come Home complexity brings clarity. The song is built from a foot tap to a dazzling peak of tough riffs, floaty piano, and relaxed

SHRED YR FACE Bristol Fleece 21/10/08

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ome of you may have picked up on our brimming excitement for the Shred Yr Face tour in last fortnight’s issue, which was admittedly vented a little conspicuously through our Singles’ section. We got a little excited, and can only apologise.

What keeps us smug about the whole affair though, is the fact that the Bristol leg of Drowned In Sound’s super-tour was suitably

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music

live live live live live live live VESSELS

Buffalo 27/10/08

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and musical prowess was apparent, with plenty of instrument swapping and harmonics galore.

I defy anyone to attend a Vessels gig and not leave feeling inspired or, at the very least, slightly drained.

Their lengthy songs weren’t just about the destination, but how you got there. They laughed in the face of standard song structure. If Explosions In The Sky, Mogwai and God speed You! Black Emperor is your thing, this is the band for you.

Philip McAndrew

Newport based Save Your Breath kick off the night nicely with a barnstorming set that certainly left me impressed. Sounding like the bastard child of Funeral For a Friend and My Chemical Romance, they raised eyebrows with an energetic display that got Solus with their hands in the air. No mean feat for an unknown support band. Up next is ThisCity, who serve up more of the same, sounding more refined perhaps but lacking their energy. Their poppy brand of hardcore sparkles, but fails to dazzle.

Finally, the headliners board the stage, cue much hysteria from the predominantly adolescent crowd.

Back in their hometown, the Kids ra-

diate vigour, with their unique brand of pop and hardcore sounding mature beyond their years. Blasting off with Good Boys Gone Rad, followed by crowd-pleasers Saturday and Lovely Bones, it’s clear that we’re witnessing a band going places.

This follows with a tongue-incheek cover of Sex on Fire, before finishing with Radio 1 favourite Give Me What I Want, which Aled touchingly dedicates to ‘all you parents here tonight’ (of which there are quite a few – being quite a young crowd). Job done, they depart, promising to return. They will, but expect to see them in a bigger venue than Solus.

Steve Wright

Vessels

feel compelled to admit my own shortcomings in the curious field of post rock description, as I fear just how genuinely brilliant these two bands are may fail to come across to the extent that they deserve!

From the offset, the sheer amount of musical equipment (including two drum kits!), coupled with the rather limited dimensions of Buffalo’s stage, meant Vessels were engaged in a (no doubt frustrating) battle with the venue; a battle which, I am pleased to report, they won.

Their unique brand of experimental post rock felt similar to a punch in the chest. The entire set had a sense of crescendo punctuated by outbursts of infectious energy and euphoria. Instantly, their technical

‘

KIDS IN GLASS HOUSES

Solus 26/10/08

“H

ome sweet home, It’s been a while." Kids in Glass Houses’ frontman Aled Phillips swaggers onto the stage with a sense of righteous arrogance like he owns the place.

As well he should. On their hometown gig coming off the back of touring for their debut album ‘Smart Casual’, the Kids show exactly why they have been held in such high regards.

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film

film news . rumours . conjecture JOHN DALY: 1937-2008

DIRTY HARRY HANGS UP HIS GUN

British producer and filmmaker John Daly has died from cancer at the age of 71 at the Cedars-Sinai Medical centre in Los Angeles.

Working on and producing over 50 films, Daly received wide industry acclaim throughout his illustrious career, being nominated for 21 Oscars, and winning on 13 occasions.

Credited with helping launch the careers of a number of top directors and A-list performers, including Keanu Reeves and Julia Roberts, Daly was a truly influential figure on the Hollywood circuit. His films, which include Platoon and The Last Emperor will forever serve as tribute to a huge talent who will be sorely missed.

Clint Eastwood is to retire from acting to concentrate on his future directorial projects. The 78 year old is reportedly tired of acting, as the scarcity of his roles over the past decade attests. His last role will be as racist Korean War veteran Walt Kowalski in next year’s drama Gran Torino, which, if the teaser trailer is anything to go by, will be a fitting farewell from the iconic star. After enthralling cinema goers for the best part of four decades, there is no doubt his on-screen talents will be missed. Nevertheless his commitment to filmmaking will surely see his legend take form in a new direction.

BRIT BIOPIC?

ONE COOL BASTERD

You just can't keep a good dog down. Britney Spears, fresh from her latest comeback into the world of music, has reportedly held preliminary talks over a biopic about her life in which she will star as herself. After her recent chart topping success, and the media furore that has surrounded her over the past few years, the notion of a featurelength story about the life and times of everyone's favourite princess of pop doesn't actually sound like a bad idea. Britney's last venture into the world of film, 2002s Crossroads was met with mixed reviews, but maybe this is one she can get right. After all, she will be playing herself, and surely she can't get that wrong...

A US magazine has reported that Samuel L. Jackson has signed up to narrate Quentin Tarrantino’s WWII saga Inglourious Basterds.

Although Jackson is not set to appear in the film directly, he will lend his vocal talents to the project.

This marks the forth collaboration between the king of cinematic cool and the cult filmmaker with the pair teaming up previously on Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown and Kill Bill: Volume 2. Also on board is Maggie Cheung who will play Madame Mimuex, the owner of a French movie theatre who provides refuge for Melanie Laurent's character Shosanna. Whilst the film is not scheduled for release until much later next year, one thing's for sure - this is all adding up to be one badass flick.

CHOKE ON THIS Quench Film has 100 free tickets to give away for a special preview screening of Choke.

The event will take place on Wednesday the 19th November at 6:30pm at Cineworld cinema, which is located on Mary Ann Street.

Adapted from Chuck Palahniuk's (Fight Club) book of the same name, the film stars Sam Rockwell as Victor Mancini, a sex addicted colonial theme park worker who pays for his mothers expensive nursing care by pretending to choke at restaurants where his unwitting saviour will feel forever responsible for him. Trust us, it's going to be great...

These seats are on a strictly first come first serve basis, so get down there quick if you want to avoid disappointment!

film@gairrhydd.com /49

film

high school musical 3: senior year dir: kenny ortega cast: zac efron, vanessa hudgens, ashley tisdale

Synopsis: With graduation and the daunting prospect of college fast approaching, the Wildcats team are up for one final frolic of song and dance.

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icture the opening scene: Zac Effron, pumped full of teenage testosterone, beads of sweat brimming on his brow, ready to take on the world and rip right through his Wildcat jersey. That’s right kids, Troy Bolton and his team of high kicking funsters are back for one last time, breaking down the barriers of normal social decorum and solving global conflict through the medium of dance.

Opening in true energetic style, High School Musical 3 kicks off with a high tension basketball game; expect emotion, drama and our hero

50 / film@gairrhydd.com

Troy acting like a real team player.

What a guy. But not only does the poor lamb have the weight of being a sports superstar on his shoulders, this time round he’s leaving school and making hard, life changing decisions under the watchful eye of big pappa Bolton. Oh the pressure…

But fear not, those kids always look on the bright side and continue to bounce their way through the following two hours, providing us with break ups, make ups and the sacrificial burning of a newborn lamb.

Problem stirring is supplied once more by the colourful character of Sharpay (Tisdale), whose extravagant dance numbers reflect the much increased budget this third instalment is working with. You can expect some interesting new characters too, most notably in the form of ‘Rocket Man’, a slightly bizarre figure whose sole purpose seems to be making Troy look like a comedy trickster. And lets not forget the inclusion of the classic British villain out to ruin the harmony of East High under her cunning European guise.

It’s tense stuff.

However, at the centre of all this gripping action we find our romantic duo, whose relationship

comes under pressure as leaving for college looms. Pushing aside the highly erotic strawberry picnic scene, Troy and Gabriella prove once again to be the classic Disney couple we know and love, battling against adversity to prove that a little rooftop dancing between potted geraniums can conquer all. Look out for the magical scene in a rotating tree house (Troy’s parents really forked out on that one) and some real heartfelt lines such as “Wildcat, I love you” and “I’m saving for a new fuel pump”.

All in all, High School Musical 3 is a real winner. Being the last of the trilogy, Disney has gone all out on this one, with the big spend on costume, scenery and original choreography giving it real impact.

Though it admittedly lacks the heart stopping drama of the now legendary ‘golf course scene’ of the previous film, the universally appealing characters and eclectic musical numbers give this final instalment a unique edge. The dancing is quirky, the songs are punchy and Zac Efron is a blazing inferno of masculinity and boyish charm. It’s spot on.

Rosie Martin

****

film

saw v dir: david hackl cast: tobin bell, scott patterson, costas mandylor out now, 112 mins Synopsis: The fifth franchise instalment delves into the background of Jigsaw’s apprentice Mark Hoffman (Mandylor). Meantime, agent Peter Strahm (Patterson) seeks to avenge the deaths of his colleagues by uncovering the new Jigsaw killer’s identity.

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raise the lord for flashbacks. The death of Jigsaw (Bell) hasn’t stopped the churning out of gratuitously unnecessary sequels, and with Saw V this trend shows no sign of ending.

The plot jumps between his path to craziness and Strahm’s attempts to uncover him, as well as a bafflingly irrelevant sub-plot containing yet another group of unsympathetic randomers attempting to escape from the various traps created for them with all their body parts intact.

Therein lies the problem. For the casual movie-goer, which this film must surely be aimed at (tortureporn isn’t exactly the highest form of art), far too much emphasis is placed on continuity. If you haven’t seen the previous films, then you won’t know what the hell is going on.

The action skips erratically from place to place, ignoring whole subplots to the extent that we forget all about them until they randomly appear a few minutes later. Nothing is fully explained, provoking confusion rather than suspense. Some parts were probably left for future sequels, but a good movie needs to stand alone in its own right. Saw V fails to do this.

Ultimately, Saw V falls short by trying to be too clever and deviating too much from its tried-and-tested formula of grandiose death scenes and Tobin Bell, who is criminally under-used. Five films on, and Saw is desperately flagging. Surely this can’t go on much longer.

Steve Wright

**

incendiary dir: sharon maguire cast:michelle williams, ewan mcgreggor, matthew macfadyen out now, 96 mins Synopsis: Based on Chris Cleave's 2005 novel published on the day of the 7/7 London attacks, Incendiary portrays the aftermath of a terrorist attack on North London's Emirates Stadium.

B

eing deep-rooted in contemporary fears, Incendiary holds great potential and indeed begins promisingly with the scenes of the attack itself being both dramatic and horrifying. Haunting images of balloons emblazoned with the faces of the dead across London's skyline, 'a cemetery in the sky', are truly chilling, if but for an ever-so-slight supernatural aura.

Despite a grating cockney accent ,Williams provides a committed performance that convincingly portrays the agonizing pain of a grief-stricken widow. Not much can be said for other characters which amount to one dimensional at best. McGregor in particular fails to convince as an elite sports car driving, high flying

journalist. And a scene with a pale Scottish man gyrating sexually? No thanks.

Nevertheless, characters and plot points alike become lost in an ambitious and clumsy series of bizarre diversions that take away from the heart of the story. The film verges on creepy revenge-thriller territory as a young mother discovers the identity of a bomber's widow and son, which results in a borderline ridiculous comment on the De Menezes tragedy. This is soon twisted into a political conspiracy as a police cover-up is revealed, all the while underlined by an insignificant love triangle that we probably couldn't care less about. The mind boggles. Furthermore, the narration of a letter that the mother has written to Osama bin Laden provides a sense of near comical naivety that is probably a bit unnecessary.

Such confusion leaves us to wonder whether Maguire would have benefited from a greater use of subtlety and focus, particularly on the emotions of the heroine herself where it can be argued that the strength of the film lies. Maybe it was always going to be a hard sell, or maybe the British just can't do films that tackle such an urgent topical matter.

Amy Walker

***

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film

quantum of solace dir: marc forster cast: daniel craig, olga kurylenko, mathieu amalric out now, 106 mins Synopsis: Picking up just hours from where the previous film left off, 007’s latest mission is very much a personal one as his endeavours lead him to uncover the depth of the Quantum organisation.

C

ontinuing the dark tone set

by Casino Royale, Bond’s twenty-second mission is a more sinister affair than its predecessor. This time around, Marc Forster has had no novel to work from and, in making what is essentially a sequel, has given the franchise a refreshingly bold new direction. Somewhere along the line, however, Bond has lost his way. Although the director shows his extensive knowledge of the films with nods to some classic past scenes, the film generally lacks the cutting edge and trendsetting that has long been a signature of the series.

As Casino Royale showcased before, Craig is fantastic as Bond, his personal take on the role firmly cementing him in the guise of the iconic 00 agent. This is very much a new Bond, however, with an impenitent sense of vengeance and a ruthless, almost emotionless temperament. If at times his assignment seems unclear, this is because the sheer magnitude of Quantum has only really just begun to be realised.

The resonating feeling leaves you with very little solace at all, a sense then that the surface has only just been scratched. With the bigger pic-

52 /film@gairrhydd.com

ture aside, immediate focus turns to the past as Bond’s ulterior motives drive him beyond the call of duty.

The action, both suspenseful and mesmeric, is wonderfully stylised, most notably during the Opera House scene where music and action are juxtaposed in a staggeringly beautiful composition.

However, whilst the sub-Bourne action sequences will satisfy the more thrill seeking movie goers, the film runs at such a frantic pace that Bond never has time to indulge in the finer things in life. His connoisseurship, which has become such a defining and enduring characteristic, has taken a backseat to the omnipresent dangers and harsh realities of spy life. Rarely too do we see Bond’s impossible suaveness in play - a sense, perhaps, that his lustful antics have become surplus to the greater cause of her Majesty’s service.

A distinct lack of innuendo and absurdly hi-tech gadgetry are further proof that Bond has taken a more serious turn into a much grittier world. There are other absences here; most notably that of an archetypal Bond baddy, although Mathieu Amalric is superbly cast as villainous businessman Dominic Greene.

This is, unmistakably, a Bond film, but one that focuses on the subversive, darker nature of a protagonist whose limits are being pushed further than ever before.

As he struggles to fight the urge to avenge his stricken lover, amidst the surrounding carnage and brutality a humanised quality emerges from Bond, much like it did at the end of Casino Royale. What culminates here is a sense of closure which signals that Bond has lain his demons to rest, and is focused and willing to fight another day.

Adam Woodward

***

BUILD YOUR OWN B N 1. Pierce's luscious locks.

2. Daniel's piercing 'you're coming home with me right now' baby blue eyes.

3. George's 'unforgettable, honestly' nose.

4. Roger's infamous 'innuendo' eyebrow.

5. Pierce's charming mouth.

6. Pierce's 'North Korea prison camp chic' beard.

7. Timothy's 'fuck me, what a bum chin' bum chin.

8. Sean's 'magic mojo' wayfarers.

9. Daniel's 'ooo, that's strong' Martini.

10. Sean's 'never appeared in a film, only promotional posters' Walther.

11. Sean's mighty man rug.

12. Roger's 'bullet deflecting, sawing, lady undressing' Rolex.

13. Daniel's 'tighty whitey' blue swim shorts.

LD

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Cut and stick to create the ultimate posable 007

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film

big willie

style will smith

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s c r e e n i c o n s

W

illard Christopher Smith Junior is perhaps not a conventional choice for a screen icon, particularly at the ripe age of only forty years old, but he is perhaps the only man who has unflinchingly taken on the job of battling against the conventions of mainstream cinema and managed to emerge victorious.

After the widespread success of six seasons of sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, alongside his collaboration with DJ Jazzy Jeff in the late 1980's, Smith soon became a household name and found himself propelled headfirst into an acting career. His first notable cinematic appearance was in the film adaptation of the play Six Degrees of Separation before he began to appear in various action films such as Bad Boys and Independence Day. It is within the action genre that Smith has arguably made his name as one of the best and most accessible leading men of his generation. His role as Agent J in the 1997 science-fiction comedy Men in Black cemented him as both lovable and hip, and the face of a new kind of generation, particularly symbolic considering the casting

of Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K, Smith's on-screen partner.

Will Smith remains the only actor in history to gross over $100,000,000 in eight consecutive films, a feat that is especially staggering when addressing the extremely controversial issues surrounding racial identity within mainstream cinema. Smith's success suggests that he has transcended the racial boundaries that can at times prohibit and limit so many within the same industry.

His appeal as a leading man lies in his charisma, his magnetism, his undeniable talent and his infectious sense of humour, but it is important not to overlook his own identity; the Fresh Prince has managed to carve a career out of the blockbuster in a time when star vehicles are at their all-time peak. Will Smith's name alone can undoubtedly sell a film, perhaps even more convincingly than the Tom Cruises and Matt Damons who stand alongside him as the faces of commercial cinema.

In an ever-changing world where a black man can be president and racial stereotypes are constantly shifting, Will Smith's presence at the top of the industry is not only a beacon of inspiration for the future, but it is a presence that is memorable for all the right reasons. His ability to carry a film on his shoulders with only a dog for company in I Am Legend, or comment on important moral issues that stand at the forefront of our society through The Pursuit of Happyness, is a testament to his talent as an actor, his status as a celebrity, and his importance as an iconic symbol of the current state of cinema and those who lead it.

Francesca Jarvis

film

W

ith the recent reinvention of the world's most famous Martini-swilling, model-bedding, henchman-killing spy, we gained a great many things - most notably, good films. However, everything thing comes at a price. Alas, for the humble gadget!

In memory of all things Q then, let us take a trip down memory lane (in a distinctly visible car thank you) and remember - with love - the best of Bond's gadgets.

LITTLE NELLIE (YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE) I can still remember the little squeal of delight I let out when Q presented Sean Connery with Little Nelly. After all, it’s not often you see a helicopter that can fit inside a suitcase, let alone one fitted with missile launchers and various other explosive materials. Take said helicopter and throw it into a vicious dog fight and you have cinematic goooooooooold.

LOTUS ESPRIT (THE SPY WHO LOVED ME) Breaking from tradition, the Esprit was the Bond car of the ‘70s, and remains perhaps the only vehicle ever to challenge Aston Martins throne. On this particular mission, Bond decides to drive it straight into the sea. Luckily for him, the ultra cool coupé doubles as a submarine, equipped with missiles, sonar and even a periscope. What a maverick.

ROLEX WATCH (LIVE AND LET DIE) Featuring in Roger Moore’s Bond debut, this is the Swiss Army equivalent of watches, featuring a powerful electro magnet, which bond uses to deflect bullets, retrieve guns and unzip ladies' dresses. Its face also doubles as a circular saw, handy for any bondages Bond may find himself stuck in. Ahem.

calmly takes off on his wondrous gadget, leaving his enemies choking on jet fuel, what do you think is going through his mind? How elegant the majesty of flight is?

The ultimate freedom accorded to the birds? How silly his helmet is? No. He is thinking: ‘A FREAKING JET PACK! THIS FUCKING RULES!’ I rest my case.

ERRICSON PHONE (TOMORROW NEVER DIES) It’s a phone. It’s a taser.

It drives his car. It’s a camera. It’s a screwdriver. It is, for all intents and purposes, bloody useful.

Whether it is cleverly foiling would-be murderers, enabling get-aways, or texting the football scores and rude jokes to MI6, it looks jolly fun to use too. Bet its interface still wasn’t as good as the iPhone's though.

Words - Sim Eckstein & Adam Woodward Images - Benjamin Phillips

JET PACK (THUNDERBALL) Who doesn’t want a jet pack?

I ask you! Seriously. As Bond

film@gairrhydd.com / 55

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music

singlesoftheweek

Listings Monday 10th Cage The Elephant @ Thekla, Bristol Sham 69@ The Point

Tuesday 11th Razorlight @ Carling Academy, Bristol

Fucked Up @ Clwb Ida Maria @ The Point Youthmovies @ Cooler, Bristol

Clinic

Wednesday 12th

Thursday 13th Clinic @ Bristol Thekla Eliot Minor @ SU

Friday 14th Swn Festival, Cardiff

Saturday 15th Swn Festival, Cardiff

Sunday 16th Swn Festival, Cardiff The Zutons @ SU

Monday 17th

Clinic

7

Tomorrow Domino

Frank Turner

8

Long Live The Queen Xtra Mile Recordings

Quirky acoustic stabbings complete with drawling vocals that somehow manage to create an uplifting, if not a tad ecclectic, marching vibe. A triumph of unexpected instruments paired together. DS

Well poised, well rehearsed and dedicated. Frank Turner recalls a tale of woe with this punk/indie style tribute to his late friend ‘Lex’. ARK

Alphabeat

Skint & Demoralised

8

What Is Happening Transgressive

Thrill Of 30 Seconds AM=AK

2

Sing-a-long goodness from Danish pop sensations Alphabeat that dallies around for a while before building up to a frenzied climax. The 80s would be proud. TR

Imagine the worst elements of Scouting For Girls and The Twang and you’ll be in the right ballpark. At three and a half minutes this is five minutes too long. TV

Baddies

Nick Harrison

The Black Keys @ Bristol Academy

Tuesday 18th Parenthetical Girls @ Clwb

Wednesday 19th The Holloways @ The Point McFly @ CIA

Thursday 20th Paul Weller @ CIA

Friday 21th NME Tour: Primal Scream @ SU

48 / music@gairrhydd.com

Battleships YoYo Acapulco

6

Something Special EMI

7

High tempo smack-in-your-face punk rock with a whoop here and a whoop there; a song to shake your head to after a crate of cheap lager, and let everyone around you smell your armpits. TC

A blast of ska-pop fun sounding somewhere between The Police and the Young Knives, this tune isn’t groundbreaking, but is certainly fun, with a catchy sing-along chorus.

Definitely worth a listen. SW

OTPMD

Kanye West

Afrogarage/NAP Kruger Singles Club

9

Mmm. Eclectic. Two brilliant tunes that play with the conventions of jazz funk and pop, throw in a singing violinist, and shake everything up to provide a formula for brilliance that isn’t in any way formulaic. Frickin’ awesome. SW

Heartless A&M

3

Kanye's back, and with those bloody autotune vocals again, the end result is more soulless than heartless. it's an empty song to be played in R&B clubs, he's capable of much more than this. GF