Quench - Issue 76

contents: Issue 76 // 02 - 15 Feb

R AT THE STUDENT MAGAZINE OF THE YEA S 2008!

ARD AW GUARDIAN STUDENT MEDIA

VOYEUR RANT HUW TRAVEL FEATURES FASHION GAY FOOD BLIND DATE INTERVIEWS ARTS BOOKS

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DIGITAL

14 inches has never felt so roomy!

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Amber Duval, p, 4.

GOING OUT MUSIC FILM

04 06 07 08 12 15 18 20 23 24 28 30 34 36 39 47

COVER DESIGN: HAZEL PLUSH Editor Hazel Plush Executive Editor Ben Bryant Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kate Budd, Lisa Evans Blind Date Emma Chapman, Sarah George Books Aisling Tempany Digital Tom Baker Fashion Meme Sgroi, Nicole Briggs Features Ellie Woodward, Louise Cook Film Adam Woodward, Francesca Jarvis, Sim Eckstein Food Jenny Edwards, Jen Entecott Gay James Moore Going Out Alex Gwilliam, Kirstin Knight Huw Huw Davies Interviews Ben Marshall, Leah Eynon Music Guy Ferneyhough, Kyle Ellison, Phil Guy The Rant Andy Swidenbank Travel Andy Tweddle, Simon Lucey Head of Photography Natalia Popova Creative Consultant Sophie Pycroft Proof Readers Huw Davies Aisling Tempany, Elaine Morgan, Steve Wright, Roddy Waldron

printed on recycled paper. PLEASE RECYCLE.

voyeur

T

{Voyeur} IN

OUT

Dolls: Bleugh.

Toddlerpede: Rad.

Minge Art Attack Re-designing your bush? Try out your fave quim trims with the handy pocket-sized 'Beaver Cuts 2009'. Sure to impress any style-conscious suitor. *Whatevs. Magicians/Illusionists - same difference.

his is a Quench public service editorial. How to chat up a lady? Don't tell her she looks like 'that bird off CBeebies' - yes, marks for originality but not for wooing potential. Instead, I suggest a card trick. I bet loads of girls were gutted when Derren Brown outed himself as gay - no?

Just me?! - but he's inadvertently created a gap in the market.

Yup, everyone loves a hunky male magician, but Houdini's dead, David Blaine gives me the willies, and I just don't fancy an 'Intimate Evening of Grand Illusion' with David Copperfield.* So, to give all you budding lady-conquerors a helping hand I've skillfully copied and pasted an easy 'card regurgitation' trick from the internet...

1. Ask your spectator to choose a card.

2. As she looks at it, rotate the deck 180 degrees. Have her insert the card back inside. This will cause her card to slightly protrude.

3. Place the deck behind your back and explain how you plan to find her card. In reality, you're rolling her card up into a small piece. Hold this piece behind the deck, hidden from view.

4. Bring the deck around and remove the bottom card, asking if it is hers. She will say it is not. Repeat this step a few more times, each time pretending to reveal her card through a sneeze or some other way that requires the deck to be close to your mouth.

5. On the final time, slide her folded card into your mouth. When she says no, act dejected and sad because you seemingly failed the trick.

Suddenly, begin coughing. Make sure this feels real and not part of the show. Cough up the card and unfold it. She will be grossed out but insanely amazed.

Ah yes, grossed out but amazed.

Just don't forget to thank me. HP

04 / voyeur@gairrhydd.com

Soft Cock Slippers

Cold feet? Slip into the snuggly fleece 'Penis House Slippers' for the ultimate in comfort. Bell-ends offer extra protection for your fragile little pinky. Woollen pubes included; assorted sizes and colours available.

14 inches has never felt so roomy.

.

Am Dva

.....

voyeur

VGiftSentciianl...

“

“

Ah, Valentine's Day. A joyous time to revel in the hedonistic pleasures of love! But how to woo that buoyant muff you met at Sin Bin? How to tame the meaty jock from Park Place gym? You don't have to be the reigning champion of Naked Tuesdays to moisten their down-belows - simply take heed of my gift guide and become the poon-magnet you always knew you were!

Jerky

Forget Chanel, what your woman really wants is this quilted beef jerky purse. No, really. She does.

Lick its salty strap for instant satisfaction.

Purse

Man-muff Pamper Kit Whoever knew grooming could be so fun?! Conquer the jungle-esque growths of his nethers with this comprehensive cock-coiffing kit. My dear Great Aunt Delia used to throw her post-trim pubic flotsam into the wind for the birds to use as nests - cast them from the bathroom window and befriend the animals... everyone's a winner!

Mammary

Mufflers All alone this Valentine's day? Cry into the folds of one of these mammary-adorned hot water bottles. Or, adorn it with your own offerings - but be warned, they're not machine washable. Buy two and, with a little imagination, you can enjoy your very own three(ish)-in-a-bed romp.

voyeur@gairrhydd.com / 05

rant

The Rant: Gym-nauseum

T

he Gym is the worst place on Earth. Fact. OK, so maybe it's not the worst place on Earth – I'm sure the inhabitants of the Gaza Strip would beg to differ at the moment – but it is my own personal Hell on Earth.

Exercise isn't fun. Ever. I don't care who's telling me it is, be it some condescending prick in an advert or a gym teacher of schooldays past; it tires you out and it makes you sweat, ache and in some extreme cases spew your KFC lunch all over the changing room floor. Sure, there are some supposed 'long-term benefits', but who's thinking in the long term?

All right, tongue back out of cheek: exercise is still not fun.

And going to the gym is like going to an exercise club – a club where you have to pay to not enjoy yourself for several hours at a time while everyone around you appears to be better than you at almost everything. It's a moist, dank cavern of shame and inadequacy – and it's all set to the worst fucking soundtrack since the 1990s.

Seriously, why – why – must we be subjected to the aural shitwave of 'Now That's What I Call Gym 492!' while we intentionally torture ourselves on the various mechanical monstrosities that litter the floor. As if the physical stress wasn't already bad enough, we have to put up with the kind of music that even the US Government wouldn't use on the inmates of Guantanamo Bay for fear of breaking the Geneva Convention.

That's not even the worst part.

The gym is a strange place. It changes you; makes you feel different. Suddenly, you find yourself looking around at everyone, silently judging. You look over at the bloke lifting weights with those little fingerless gloves on. He must be a swag-

Gym Membersh ip

This w Andy Swide eek, n a look at th bank takes e place on Ea very worst rth: The Gy m

gering, show-offish twat. Your eyes swivel round to someone across the room on the Lateral-Rowmaster-Plus 800X – hah! What kind of technique is that? You look down at the stack of weights they're pulling. You know you can do more than that! They're pathetic. Look at her over there – she's just sitting there reading the paper. This ain't a library, love!

Two days later, you inspect your hands. There are callouses on your palms from using the weights. Hmm, maybe those gloves are a good idea.

You go back, and midway through a

“

place has a plethora of angled edges, tangle-friendly mechanisms and, well, heavy weights. How there aren't more horrible face-mangling, bone splitting accidents is beyond me.

For all the guilt suffered from judging your fellow gym-users, there is a special class that totally deserves it.

You know the ones. The preening, lycra-clad, knuckle-dragging pricks who genuinely turn up, pay and stand around apparently doing nothing and generally looking lecherous.

They could at least pretend to be busy while they're doing it.

Like everyone else.

So there we have it.

I hate the gym. I also hate getting up early. To actually use the gym with any sort of effect, you must get up early, otherwise you might find yourself sharing the treadmill with four other people.

Who wants that? No one, that's who.

So, fuck it, I say. Let's all go for a McDonald's instead. It may smell worse than the gym, but at least the music isn't always shit.

Oh, actually...

... a moist, dank cavern of shame and inadequacy all set to the worst fucking soundtrack since the 1990s

“

06 /rant@gairrhydd.com

row, you catch sight of yourself in the mirror. You look like an idiot. You're not positioned correctly and therefore not doing the exercise right. You try it properly, but you have to reduce the weight to manage it. You're exhausted, and you crumple down on to a bench for a breather.

Ah, may as well peruse the Metro while you're sitting.

Then it hits you. You are the twat. It's likely that while you've been plodding away on the treadmill, your mind seething with petty presumptions, these people have barely noticed your existence. They only ever will if in a sudden lapse of balance, you trip and fly off the back of the treadmill slapstick style. And that hardly ever happens.

Incidentally, it amazes me how more people don't get injured at the gym. The

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ow many numbers do you have on your phone? I have 373.

Wow, yeah, amazing, look at me – but I've no idea who most of them are. That's not cool.

That's tragic.

There's no pride in keeping the numbers of people I probably met for five minutes five years ago, but then I haven't kept them for pride. Why, then? To be honest, I don't know why. I think I just can't be bothered to go through my phonebook deleting them. But until I do, I have more random acquaintances to receive misdirected drunken abuse when I ring the wrong person.

To make matters worse, some part of me feels the need to give everyone in my phonebook stupid names, in case…in case what? In case I need to know their number? It makes sense to differentiate between the seven Bens, seven Amys and six Jo(h)ns in my phonebook, but there's a real flaw in putting numbers under such names as Manwhore, Slutty Fran, The Russian Embassy, O, Cockchafer, Condom, Camp Alex, Crap Alex, Twat Alex, Spineless Mark Evans, Nutter, Z, Cheshire Cat and Ian The Twat. Who are these people?

And given I seem to hate them so much, why do I still have their numbers? What am I going to do, prank them at 4 in the morning?

Yeah, take that, Crap Alex.

Sorry to anyone I’ve ‘outed’ as ever having given me their phone number, except Spineless Mark Evans, who deserves me giving out his address, his PIN and the list of sexual diseases given to him by his controlling harridan of a cunt-ugly girlfriend (it’s OK, he’s not reading this). Still,

some of the names intrigue me. The Russian Embassy? I’m fascinated to know who would pick up the phone.

I also like the memories some of these random contacts present.

JC, for example, was a very hairy man with multiple sclerosis who approached us in a beer garden and told us he was James Cameron, director of Titanic. For all I know, he may well have been. I’m just not sure the director of Titanic would talk

who are these people and why do I have their phone numbers? for quite so long about cannabis and Vietnamese prostitutes.

Then there was Fashion Guru, whom I’ve been meaning to contact.

In my first year I went to Dewi’s for a bit of a Bounce before it went Walkabout (anyone remember Dewi’s?

Please? I’ve never felt so old) and because I’d been dragged out at the last minute, I was just wearing a T-shirt and jeans. A man, sharply dressed but noticeably alone, approached me and told me I’d never get a girl dressed as I was. I had to smarten up. Shave. Get some new threads (his word, not mine). Get some cologne. Get some self-respect. Then he said the words, “You need to look like me.”

I was stunned. The best part was, he couldn’t realise how ridiculous he sounded. He'd have sounded arrogant draped in nubile young sex

sticks, but here was a man on his own, whom I’d just seen being completely ignored by a woman he was trying to chat up, giving me advice.

I pretended to nod sagely. He didn’t detect the sarcasm. I laughed in his face. He plowed on. Finally, I told him he was right and I had to have his phone number so I could call him in the event of a wardrobe crisis. Unbelievably, he still couldn’t tell I was being less than serious, and agreed.

Fashion Guru was born.

To my knowledge, despite still having a contact number for the Isle of Wight bus service (you never know), I have only ever deleted two numbers from my phone: my grandpa, because he doesn’t need his phone any more, and Capital Taxis, because they’re a bunch of wankers. The randoms remain.

Which reminds me: Facebook really has to get rid of its ‘People You May Know’ tool. It may as well be called ‘People You Almost Certainly Won’t Know, And If You Do There’s A Reason You’ve Not Added Them As A Friend Already’. The most annoying thing you can do when someone leaves their Facebook on isn't change their music preferences to Aqua and their relationship status to ‘I love cocks’, but add all the random people suggested to them. I was made to befriend someone’s aunt, who lives in America. The fact she accepted my invitation probably says something about her, but I can’t say for sure because I DON’T KNOW WHO THE HELL SHE IS. In conclusion…one day I’ll delete all these random numbers. But not Fashion Guru. I’ll never know when I might need him.

huw@gairrhydd.com / 07

is s i par travel

burning!

In hot pursuit of new ways to tackle foreign turf, Andy Tweddle hits Paris to try his hand at the exciting – and bizarre – concept of...

Experimental travel!

08 /travel@gairrhydd.com

your name in a map and follow the route you draw, or make every decision by flipping a coin. It doesn’t require megaeuros, but an open-mind will come in handy. Experimental travel is lauded on the Lonely Planet website and it’s a piece of cake picking up ideas and tips on the mighty Thorn Tree forum.

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It's not about following your guidebook to the letter

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W

hen you arrive in a foreign city you’re bombarded with countless prospects all brimming with ultra-potential. But where do you visit first? What was the name of that museum/club/hotspot again?

And how do you maximise your experience without spending too much money or wasting too much time?

Babes, just chill out. You need to shed all preconceptions of the formulaic and get a little more experimental.

Experimental travel is not about checking off the major sights or following your guidebook to the letter; it’s a playful way of navigating a city, where the journey’s methodology is clear but the destination is usually unknown. The theory renders all destinations equal – be it a flea market or the Eiffel Tower – and provides countless ideas to make visiting a place a little more unique.

So, for example, you could write

After reading about it, I was intrigued, perplexed, and positively itched to try it out. So a couple of friends and I rocked up in Paris to indulge in a litlle experimentation...

We arrived at Charles De Gaulle airport in the early evening and decided that it was definitely time

to pop our ET cherries. The first experiment we tried out is dubbed ‘Ariadne’s Thread’. You call a random name from a telephone directory and ask them their favourite places in the city. You then plot the places on a map, draw a line connecting them all, and follow your thread. This all seemed a bit like hard work and we were a bit tired from the flight, so we gave it a simple twist. We found the number of a taxi company and called them (on my mobile – contract, thanks Dad) and asked the nice lady on the other end her favourite place to go.

She spoke English and was up for it – phew! The views from the top of Montmatre came highly recommended so we grabbed the next Metro there.

Montmartre is a huge hill in the north of Paris on top of which rests the stunning Basilique du SacréCœur. Luckily for us, Taxi Lady was bang on the money and we fell in love with Paris right there and then.

travel

your turn...

Here are some ideas to get you going. For more experiments and further information on experimental travel, hit up www. lonelyplanet.com/experimentaltravel Dog Leg Travel Find a dog. Let it take you for a walk.

lover? Her son? Who knew?!

Among other places, Mrs. Fierce 'took' us to an American photography exhibition at La Bibliothèque nationale and what we think may have been a university building with unisex toilets. In the afternoon, we went for coffee with her (well, by her) in a café on the Île de la Cité – one of Paris’s two natural islands

“

we decided to partake in an experiment called ‘Barman’s Knock’

“

Standing on the steps of the Sacré-Cœur we looked out over the city and it seemed aflame. We knew then that this was going to be a pretty good weekend.

We also knew that we were bloody freezing so we headed to the bohemian bar district nearby, drank lots of cheap wine in bars like 'Le Vrai Paris' and 'Le Consulat' and repeated "I can’t believe we’re actually in Paris" at each other for about three hours.

The next morning we woke up, dressed all in black, and hit the streets. Wearing black is essential in Paris because it’s chic and slimming… and it comes in handy when you’re stalking people.

Our next item on the list was called ‘Travel Pursuit’ (like Trivial Pursuit, yeah?) and basically involves following someone around the city for a while to check out where they go.

We were staying in the LevalloisPerret district in northwestern Paris and picked up our chosen person, Mrs. Fierce, outside a patisserie.

She was wearing a big fur coat, big sunglasses and had big hair.

We figured that, being so… big, she’d be pretty hard to lose, so, when she headed over to the Metro station, we headed there with her.

After hopping off the Metro at Opéra station in central Paris, Mrs. Fierce met a man.

Was he her husband?

Her

that is also home to Notre Dame.

After the coffee, we decided to leave her alone and discussed what we thought Mrs. Fierce’s life was about; the beautiful irony being, of course, that we would never know...

In the evening we decided to partake in an experiment called ‘Barman’s Knock’, which involves going to a bar, ordering a drink and asking the barman the name of his favourite drink and his favourite bar (other than the one you’re in). You then go to that bar, order that drink, drink it and repeat this process until vomiting ensues.

I can’t really remember much about that night, but I do know that we spent a few hours in the classy La Marais bar area, ended up at The Paris Social Club where Simian Mobile Disco had a DJ set, and walked home at four in the morning giggling in the snow.

On our final day we allowed ourselves a bit of a lie-in. We surfaced

Expedition to K2 Open a map or atlas at random.

Find the grid-reference K2 on the page in front of you. Journey to that location and undertake an exploration of the delights that you find there.

Ero Tourism Arrange to take a holiday with your partner. Travel there separately and don't arrange a meeting time or place. Now look for each other..

at midday and, feeling a bit fragile, opted for a pretty basic task: ‘Voyage to the End of the Line.’ All you have to do is get on a tube/train/bus/whatever and get off at the end of the line. Of course, you run the risk of ending up somewhere totally dry but you might end up finding a little gem. We jumped on Line 9 of the Metro and got off at Porte de Montreuil where we found Paris’ equivalent of the M25… and a massive market. So, you know, every cloud.

The market was vast and sold everything from incense to clothes to car parts to books and, well, literally everything. Here I grabbed myself some presents for loved ones AND witnessed my first robbery. Rad. In the evening we went out to dinner in the student-friendly Latin Quarter, allowed ourselves ‘just one more’ glass of wine and waxed lyrical re: experimental travel.

We decided it had been one of the most wicked, weird, fun, exhausting weekends ever. We hadn't made it up the Eiffel Tower, or taken a boat down the Seine, but we did drink in amazing cafés we never would have known about and see places we’d never heard of.

The beauty of experimental travel is that no mistakes can be made.

Even getting lost is part of the adventure, perhaps even the best part. So go grab a map and deconstruct a city, just make sure you have an open mind… and some dark clothes.

Backpacking at Home Make your way to a backpacking hostel in your city. Spend your time doing backpacker activities with other backpackers - sightseeing, beer drinking, having meaningful discussions etc. Watch your budget and make sure to take photographs of yourself with your new friends.

When you've had enough, go back home.

travel@gairrhydd.com / 09

travel

A I B M COLO

...without borders

Matt Parr reminisces about Colombia - a nation notorious for its political unrest as well as rum, marijuana and women...

This sort of incident sums up Colombia for me; against the backdrop of military conflict and turbulence there are genuinely warm and open people who are eager to show that the country can offer much more than just news stories about cocaine.

One memory that sticks out is the ‘Lost City’ trek near to Santa Marta on the north coast of the country.

The six-day trek through Colombian jungle, which goes by ancient

“

The drink of the day is always rum. Rough, rough, rum

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M

y doctor, parents, and neighbours (essentially all the responsible people I know) advised me not to travel alone through Colombia. I was warned about the country's notoriously high murder and kidnapping rates, its infamous cocaine trade, and the civil war that has marred the country over the past 50 years. Despite this, I had always imagined Colombia to have the fun-loving Latin spirit, as epitomised by my future wife Shakira or the mega-afro of footballing legend Carlos Valderrama.

So it was with divided expectations that I left Venezuela and began six weeks in Colombia, although crossing into the country wasn’t as straightforward as I’d expected.

I reached the border and was just walking through when a soldier called me back and motioned for me to follow him into a corrugated iron shed by the roadside. Once inside the shed, the grinning guard - with his huge AK-47 - asked me to strip so he could ‘search for drugs’. Slightly nervously and with a similar level of embarrassment (I would imagine) to getting naked in a busy supermarket, I stripped down while he gave me a quick full body search. When he eventually told me to reinstate my underwear, I actually managed to laugh about it with him.

Bizarrely enough, he then offered to share his sandwich with me and smugly boasted that Colombian women were the most beautiful in the world.

villages and hidden lakes, culminates in the arrival at a huge Inca ruin so concealed by dense jungle that it was only discovered in the 1970s. The tranquillity was, however, abruptly interrupted when we awoke one morning to loud shrieking. The Columbian girl pulled her foot out of her boot to reveal the source of the sting - a scorpion which was scurrying around in her shoe. She had to be carried for the rest of the trek before we could get her to a hospital. Later, she displayed the typical Colombian open-hearted generosity when she invited me to stay with her family in Medellin, despite the fact she spoke no English

and I knew very little Spanish.

Aside from the Lost City, the north offers some of the most picturesque beaches in Colombia. Unspoilt by tourism or litter, on beaches such as those in Tayrona National Park you can sleep in hammocks on the beach while the monkeys play in the trees overhead. The city of Cartagena is also jaw-droppingly beautiful.

It boasts a rich history of its former use as a port town where Spanish conquistadores stored the gold they stole from Inca tribes. Due to this former wealth, the city boasts a huge fort with some amazing sights such as grand buildings, bars and restaurants.

With the country being on the Caribbean coast, the drink of the day is always rum. Rough, rough rum. It is as cheap as chips and fuels the party across Colombia every weekend until dawn, while inducing some of the nastiest hangovers ever.

Colombia unfortunately remains in political uncertainty. Right wing leader President Uribe finally seems to be cracking down on FARC, the rebel group, but tensions still remain. This should, however, certainly not deter the intrepid traveller from visiting Colombia.

The country is perfectly safe to travel in providing you take basic precautions, and it offers rich rewards to those willing to go out on a limb and embrace the Latin spirit. Go party in Colombia; you wont regret it.

travel@gairrhydd.com / 11

features

no such thing a Not just a free lunch, but breakfast and dinner too. But – oh yeah – you'll have to retrieve it from an industrial bin. Welcome to the money-saving movement that is 'freeganism'...

would fade to distant memory.

Freeganism is a reaction to the wastefulness of Western consumer culture, and the word ‘freegan’ is a combination of ‘free’ and ‘vegan’, as you had probably sussed already. Freegans, however, go one step further than vegans by believing that a mass-production economy driven by profit abuses

“

it is entirely possible to find £20 worth of edible food in a supermarket bin

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I

magine heading to Tesco in the hope of finding a quick and easy dinner, but instead of browsing the shelves, you slip round the back, roll up your sleeves and forage around in a massive bin for some ready meals, calorific chocolate cakes and some tasty roasted vegetables?

Welcome to freeganism, a free feast; a political and environmental statement as well as a handy way of being kind to the student overdraft. This money-saving movement taxes anti-consumerism to the max: the freegan ideal is to not buy anything. This includes food, so a popular part of freeganising has now become ‘dumpster diving’, or ‘urban foraging’ – basically rummaging around supermarket bins to retrieve and use all the food that is disposed by the corporations every day. The food industry dumps over 17 million tonnes of food into landfill sites each year, four million tonnes of which is fresh food that hasn’t reached its sellby-date.

Yes, you read that correctly – four million tonnes of delicious fresh food is thrown away every year. Imagine what great use we students could put that food to.

Much of it would probably widen our food horizons as well, as staple pot noodles and beans on toast

animals, humans and the environment at almost all levels of production – from sweatshop labour to rainforest destruction – and that we contribute to this through the products that we purchase every day. Freegans therefore want to avoid funding these greedy capitalist corporations.

But at the heart of this political statement is a practical way of saving a few pennies in these times of

12 /quenchfeatures@gairrhydd.com

credit crunch, and come on, we’re students – we get an innate thrill from free things!

Good news for scrimping students, then. Up and down the country, many people have taken to freegan habits as a simple way of looking after the pennies. After all, it is entirely possible to find £20 worth of edible food in a supermarket bin – which for many of us is equivalent to a weekly shop. The only difference is that you don’t have to part with a debit card or a crisp £20 note to put dinner on the table. Not only this, but there have even been reports of freegans finding DVD players, MP3s and clothes in the bins – all in perfect condition!

For the more environmentally friendly of us, freeganism ensures that products which would otherwise end up emitting harmful toxins in a landfill site are rescued.

And of course, all of this eventually contributes to protecting the planet from a whole manner of environmental concerns, from deforestation to toxic emissions and global warming. So that salvaged ready meal not only tickles your taste-buds, but freeganism as a whole leaves a good taste in your mouth. It's just another way to save pennies and do your bit for the environment – what more could you want from a frozen lasagne?

features

as a free lunch?

Not only are healthy foods thrown away, but 259 million full packs of chocolates and sweets, and 30 million other untouched delicious treats are discarded annually.

109 square miles – an area the size of Warwick – is now landfill, but landfill space could run out by 2016.

Four million tonnes of food is wasted by the food industry every year in the UK. If this food was sold in shops it would have a value of around £18 billion.

Much of the food that we throw away is unopened.

1,600 million apples, 1,030 million tomatoes, 2,570 million bread slices and 484 million unopened yoghurt tubs are discarded annually by UK households.

The UK disposes of more than 27 million tonnes of waste to landfill each year – seven million more than any other European country.

quenchfeatures@gairrhydd.com / 13

features

Confessions of a dumpster diver

I

“

“

admit it: I spent a proportion of last year reaching around in bins.

It may not seem very cool, attractive or even legal but freeganism is a lifestyle practised by people all over the world. It’s not just freeloading students who have been rooting around in bins for their next meal; respectable people of all ages, many with regular jobs, have been trying to make a stand against waste in this way.

After reading about freeganism, my housemate and I decided to try ‘urban foraging’ for ourselves.

We looked for weeks for a suitable patch and at last we struck gold with a big, luxurious food store on the outskirts of the city. The bins were behind a wall: my housemate shimmied over no problem, but I had a bit of trouble so stayed as look out. No sooner had I caught a few packs of veg when a roadworks van came round the corner. My housemate was on top of the wall now chucking things down, and when we started to get stares we made a quick exit on our bikes. Later on, when we were feeling more relaxed, we returned to explain ourselves.

The workmen seemed interested but apparently we should have told them sooner – they had called the police when they first saw us and were surprised we had not been picked up, as there were four cars out looking for two small girls on push bikes. We had caught the freegansim bug, though, and there was no going back.

It is funny what freeganising brings out in people. I become ‘the bin-digging bitch’, constantly on edge saying that we have enough and should leave. My housemate, on the other hand, is almost crazed by the adrenaline rush. Franticly stuffing things into bags, she will not stop until we can barely lift them over the wall.

For us, freeganism is just a bit of free food but for many it is a way of life based on reducing waste and negative impact on the world.

Amy Hall

it's funny what freeganising brings out in people.

I become ‘the bin-digging bitch’

We decided to find out how the big supermarket chains feel about freeganism. Unsurprisingly, the bigwigs such as Tesco and Sainsbury's weren't keen to comment, but the Welsh contingent pulled through, with the supermarket chain 'Filco' telling us: "As a business we try to minimise waste food as much as possible. If people can find a use for the food we dispose of then that's great – much better than it ending up in a landfill." And we have to agree.

14 / quenchfeatures@gairrhydd.com

8 0 0 2 r hate?

fashion

love o

Emily Cater takes a retrospective look at the trends that dominated 2008, the Marmite year of fashion with the trends you loved and the ones you hated.

Spring Florals

Power dressing

As seen at Luella - and consistently flourishing throughout the season on the high street - feminine floral dresses and tunics were a staple piece for every woman’s wardrobe.

Oasis and Topshop were amongst the best for ditzy prints.

Tailoring took a masculine turn in the autumn/ winter shows: structured tuxedo jackets and blazers over large mens-cut shirts, with tailored and tapered trousers and killer heels. Hair was styled in the very ontrend chignon. Fierce.

Frocky Horror Cue drum roll....The Playsuit!

Despite beautifully updated and covetable pieces as seen on the catwalk and Topshop rails, the playsuit is one trend I still can’t quite get my head around. Indeed, there are certainly questions of its practicality and wearability. For those of you who were brave enough to carry off this difficult trend - I salute you!

Goth Glam Gothic romance was the trend of autumn/winter, with Givenchy and Prada bringing us a sophisticated array of lace and satin dresses, chunky silver amulets and smoky make up. A chic, sleek look for nighttime glamour.

Heritage trend Tartan was back: cheques, pleats and long riding boots encapsulated this laid back trend. Headscarfs were the accessory that completed the look, like those seen on the likes of Agyness Deyn.

D&G did it best in their autumn/ winter campaign, but stealing your boyfriend’s plaid shirt was a worthy substitute...

Sheer delight?

Catwalks were awash with barelythere fabrics, but this trend was spurred by most highstreet shoppers who didn't really fancy all and sundry having a clear view of your tatty underwear. Fashionistas were also forced to shiver through the ever-cooling summer climes.

fashion@gairrhydd.com / 15

fashion

Sale Shopp

Dummie

for

Dazed? Confused? Stay stylesavvy with Fashion's top tips for this epic sales season...

W

ith the rapid decrease in British landfill space, it would shock and appal most women to hear the advice that is now being handed out to the British public.

The advent of cheap fashion shops like Primark means that although fashions are more accessible to the masses, more and more items

“

wardrobes should be 70% basics, 30% fashion

“

are being discarded after one or two wears. Apparently, wardrobes should be 70% basics, 30% fashion, but it's very easy to dress up your basics to fit in with the whims of the high street. And with the sales frenzies showing no sign of stopping, there's never been a better time to stock up.

Here's our guide to finding everything you need for the coming year...

Ask yourself: do you REALLY need it?

Before venturing into town make a list of all the things you desire and those that you actually need. The average woman spends over £15,000 on handbags and accessories in her lifetime, so unless you really

16 /fashion@gairrhydd.com

have to add to your collection make sure you have a serious think beforehand.

Budget, budget, budget!

Before you go shopping set a budget and stick to it - no exceptions! The cost of living is rising at an astronomical rate, so splurging £200 on an exam pick-me-up could give your finances a bigger hit than you realise.

Is it really worth it? Just because there's a 20% reduction on a tangerine Lycra puffball skirt, that doesn't mean it's worth the reduced price.

Style Savvy Be careful when buying past trends or season-specific items in the sales. Sure, you’ve coveted that tea dress for months, but there's a reason why it's been reduced by 80%.

Only buy either the basics or a timeless piece that couldn't possibly go out of style, for example a Little Black Dress or a well-cut skirt or jacket.

s

Test the fabric This doesn't mean undergoing rigorous investigation - just feel the fabric. It may look like silk, but checking the label is a must.

Polyester blends can be static and irritating, and no matter what the reduction it really won't merit the discomfort.

Try before you buy No matter how pushed you are for time, you must try items on. And always be critical of yourself when looking in shop mirrors - the lighting and angle may make you look fabulous there, but in daylight that gorgeous skirt may look more like a sack.

Check the returns policy Different shops have different policies so it's essential to make sure you know what you're actually buying into. It's not really worth picking up the only item you like only to return it and end up with a credit note which will just gather dust in your wallet.

Wear easily removable items No, we're not suggesting you should cop off with the shop assistant, but we all know how stressful trying on clothes can be. As you get dressed, think about what you're looking to buy.

Don’t wear fiddly jewellery that could get caught on your clothes, and if you're looking for trousers wear a skirt - that way you can simply pull up... and if it’s a top you're after then don’t wear a dress!

Shop by yourself I'm a big fan of browsing the shops with girlfriends, but if you're looking at it from a more serious angle (although I would never be one to so crudely suggest that shopping could be a sport), it is essential to shop alone. You're your own worst critic - even the most loyal of friends will tell you that skirt looks fabulous just to escape.

Visit a wide range of places For those stuck in the daily trawl between Topshop, Miss Selfridge and H&M, make it a resolution to visit a different store every time you're out and about. Although the disorganisation in TK Maxx could be confused with a jumble sale, it's worth spending some time in there to pick out some excellent designer bargains. Within twenty minutes of entering, a cute Ralph Lauren sweater, Ollie & Nic handbag and Vero Moda jacket all made their way into my basket.

Never ever buy items to fit into Yes, that dress may be a size 10, but are you? We all have intentions of dieting after the new year splurge but are you actually going to do it? Never fall into the trap of thinking that you will eventually fit into something, because chances are you won't. Be realistic and leave it on the rails. Remember, trawling eBay for a copycat item in your size is always a possibility when you get home.

Ruth Dawson

“

the average woman spends over £15,000 on handbags and accessories in her lifetime

“

ing

fashion

fashion@gairrhydd.com / 17

gay

It Was A Ver Now that 2009 is well underway, James Moore takes a look back at the gay highlights of 2008...

January

'Spice Up Your Life! '

June

Mayogate A Heinz advert showing two men in a millisecond of a kiss was withdrawn from public viewing after some 200 complaints flooded into the Advertising Standards Authority, suggesting that the kiss was offensive. Heinz gave in to the controversy and pulled the promo after a week-long run. So start getting your beans from Lidl, peeps! They may taste like sick but it's for the good of gay kind!

tastic single churned out by the girl power powerhouse. The comeback of comebacks was highly-anticipated by millions of gays who have yearned to ‘swing it, shake it, move it and make it’ again since the girls went their separate ways back in the late nineties.

“

What better way to start 2009 than with a high-camp trip down memory lane?

“

Could there have been a better way to start 2009 then with a high-camp trip down memory lane? The fab five were back bigger, bolder, better and with babies. The stage return of the world’s most successful girl band was a non-stop celebration of every Spice-

August

Chinese Gold In spite of all the controversy surrounding the Beijing Olympics, Britain inevitably didn’t do to badly.

And neither did the gays for that matter. The true homo hero of the competition was Matt Mitcham, a 20 year old Australian gold medallist and all-round hot-ass diver extraordinaire. Not only did he impress with his pikes and twists, but he also gave gay men another reason to watch the diving, other than to perve on men in tiny shorts.

(Not that anyone really needed another excuse.)

18 /gay@gairrhydd.com

gay

ry GAY Year September

'Don’t Rain On My Parade!'

Throughout 08, Cardiff Mardi Gras had always been something of a sensitive subject. In early Spring, the event was cancelled for the first time in its ten year history, due to lack of funds and support. But all was not lost, and the gays of Cardiff rallied around to make sure the event took place on September 10th. Until, in true British style, it pissed down, calling a halt to the

festivities. However, you can’t keep a good gay down, and the party was moved to Churchill Way and given a bit of an Atlantisesque makeover. It was wet, and definitely wild. The official event is to return again this September to its original incarnation after its two year holiday. Let’s just pray for a bit of sunshine!

November

Palin Failing and Obamamania!

The most historic event of the whole 365 days of 2008 had to be the US Election. They seemed a long time coming, but even the most apolitical of gays couldn’t help but join in with the chants of 'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead' when McCain was out and Caribou Barbie (aka Sarah Palin) was back on her broomstick to Alaska. Hopefully

she’ll do the decent thing and just crawl back under the ice cap she came from. Finally, America gets a black president; one that will hopefully continue to inspire black and white, rich and poor, young and old, gay and straight throughout his presidency. At least he can’t do any worse than the last fuckwit.

December

'Taking a gay off!'

A campaign was launched in the US, ordering the LGBT to take a day off work in protest against the bans on gay marriage within the States. The idea was that ‘calling in gay’ for a day would prove to a money-troubled society just how valuable the pink pound was, and how gays are an essential part of the American infrastructure. Well, it’s a bit more original than calling in with a cold I guess.

gay@gairrhydd.com / 19

Cheap as

food

According to recession rules, you should be reading this in an unheated room, by the light of a single candle, over a meal of bread and water... But that's no way to chase away the winter blues! We’ve trawled Cardiff and found plenty of ways to keep both your appetite and bank balance satisfied.

The Review:

Happy Hours:

Student Beans:

The research was tough, but we just about managed it. Here's the best of Cardiff’s 2 for 1 cocktails: Fat Cats – 5-8pm, or until close Monday and Wednesday Pica Pica – 12-8pm, and all night Wednesday Las Iguanas – 12-9pm, and all day Sunday and Monday 10 Feet Tall – 5-9pm Monday to Friday Buffalo Bar – 7-10 pm everyday

With one visit to studentbeans. com you'll never have to pay full price for a meal ever again.

Just register for free, and you can print off 2 for 1 and 50% off vouchers, for loads of places including: Nandos, Pizza Express, Las Iguanas... oh, and Burger King. There are also discounts to be had on takeaways and at a few bars including Tiger Tiger and Slug and Lettuce.

“

“

It's not just an urban legend - it is cheaper to beat the corporations!

Pound a Punnet: It's not just an urban legend - it is cheaper to beat the corporations and buy fruit and veg from market stalls and greengrocers.

Plus, it doesn’t come with layers of packaging, so you only buy as much as you need. For good places in Cardiff try the Market Hall in the Hayes, The Market Garden at 19 Albany Road or The Veg Rack at 6 Crwys Road, Cathays.

20 /food@gairrhydd.com

Supermarket Sweeping For the times when only a big shop will do, a well-timed trip to your supermarket of choice could save you lots of pennies. At the end of the day when some of the food is marked down, top-end

stuff is lowered into a more affordable league. It might be at the end of its ‘display until’ date, but welcome to the beauty of freezers.

Las Iguanas – 8, Mill Lane A word of advice: anyone of an indecisive nature is best checking out the menu for Las Iguanas online before a visit. A good ten minutes is needed to do it justice - and that’s just the drinks list.

To start at the very beginning, Las Iguanas is a Latin American restaurant - from its décor and salsa style music down to the colourful menu. The drinks are no exception, with the appropriate range of beers and wines and a very seductive cocktail list, which includes Mojitos, Sangria, various daiquiris and caipirinhas, and even a very potent Long Island Iced Tea. Moving on to the food, the choices get no easier. Maximum concentration is best to decide your way through the choice of tapas, wraps, grills, salads and traditional Brazilian dishes. There’s more than a token effort made for the vegetarian choices with a selection that could even tempt a non-veggie.

Finally, the dessert: all the usual suspects, but topped off with an amazing chocolate banoffee pie.

'Nuff said.

The food isn’t overly cheap, but with a 20% student discount and their generous happy hour (hello cheap cocktails!), you’ve got yourself a bargain well worth taking advantage of.

Jenny Edwards

Chips

food

Quench Food searches for thrifty ways to keep food fabulous...

Sweet Potato and Feta Frittata Serves 2 - 1 medium sweet potato - ½ red onion - 3 eggs, beaten - Handful of crumbled feta or grated cheddar - ½ teaspoon olive oil - 2 tsps dried herbs (optional) - Ground pepper 1. Slice the sweet potato and place in a pan of boiling water to cook until just tender (about 7 minutes).

2. Heat the oil in a frying pan and heat the chopped onion and sweet potato for 2 minutes on medium heat.

3. Beat the eggs and add the pepper and herbs, pour into the pan and cook for 3-4 minutes until almost set.

White Chocolate

4. Sprinkle over the cheese and stick the pan under the grill for 2-3 minutes. Serve with green salad.

Serves 4

Paprika Chicken in Red Wine Serves 4 - 4 boneless chicken breasts, sliced - 1 red onion, chopped - 1 red pepper, chopped - 1 courgette, sliced - 2 tsps paprika powder - ½ bottle red wine - 250ml chicken stock

2. Add the onion, pepper and courgette and stir for 5-6 minutes.

1. Heat the oil in a saucepan and fry the chicken until golden.

4. Add the wine and simmer for 20 minutes, then serve with rice or mashed potato.

3. Crumble a chicken stock cube into 250 ml of boiling water, stir then pour over the vegetables and chicken.

Serves 4

1. Boil the potatoes for half an hour. Drain and put in a mixing bowl.

- 125g caster sugar - 50g chopped pistachios - 200g white chocolate - 280ml double cream 1. Dissolve the sugar in a saucepan of 4 tablespoons of boiling water over a low heat.

2. Increase the heat and boil until it starts to caramelise (turn golden brown), then tip in the pistachios and stir.

3. Pour onto greaseproof paper to set, then break the chocolate into a bowl.

4. Heat the cream until it starts to boil and pour over the awaiting chocolate. Stir until the chocolate is melted.

Mustard Mash - 3 large baking potatoes, peeled and cubed - 2 tsps butter / spread - Milk - 1-2 tsps English mustard - 2 tsps dried herbs (optional)

Mousse with Praline

2. Immediately add the butter and mash in with potato masher or fork. Gradually add milk until it reaches the perfect consistency.

5. Leave it to cool then store in the fridge until cold. Whisk it thick and serve with the praline

3. Stir in the mustard and herbs, and season with salt and pepper.

To keep warm, return the mash to the saucepan and keep stirring on a very low heat.

food@gairrhydd.com / 21

blind date

The

Valentine's

debate

Valentine's Day will soon be upon us.

Shops crammed with hearts and fluffy teddies, restaurants booked up with overpriced tables for two... but is it better to be single or loved up on February 14th? Emma Chapman and Sophie Irvine discuss.

The singleton

The girlfriend

Emma Chapman will be celebrating Valentine's Day minus a boyfriend and proves why it is just as much - if not more - fun the single way.

F

or many singletons, the thought of Valentine's Day fills them with dread. But why shouldn't we be able to celebrate on February 14th? There are plenty of other people to have fun with...

Think about it, Valentine's Day is THE best night to meet someone, as everyone out will either be single or a really bad girlfriend/boyfriend. There are currently 1.65 million single men and 1.27 million single women in Britain - so you never know who you might bump into!

Valentine's Day is also a great opportunity to celebrate being You. The day can be your own: you can get up when you want and do what you want without the pressure of impressing someone else. I hate the thought of the pressure to be romantic. The idea of being crammed into a restaurant where you're practically sitting on the next couple's lap is not my idea of fun.

You can also spend the money on yourself instead of tacky presents. Let's be honest who would really choose to buy a giant teddy? Being single, you don't have to waste your energy pretending it's what you've always wanted when someone buys you one. So, there's no need to tear February 14th from the calendar - turn it into a celebration of all the things you love instead.

Sophie Irvine is in a relationship, and will be celebrating Valentine's Day with her boyfriend. She can't wait to spend the day with her partner and intends to make the most of it...

V

alentine’s Day should be spent with someone who is special to you. I enjoy being pampered and spending the day with my boyfriend, because it’s always hard to find the chance to spend quality time together. No matter how commercial people say Valentine's Day is, I enjoy the excitement it evokes.

There's nothing better than having a day where you can celebrate what you share with your boyfriend/girlfriend. OK, so some may think we have anniversaries to do that, but the truth is that Valentine's Day is when couples all around the world can show how much they care for one another... I like the thought of that.

I would never choose to spend the day without my boyfriend, it would just feel like something was missing.

I love being taken out for a meal on the day and being surrounded by other couples. We don't go overboard on presents, after all we have birthdays and Christmas to do that.

Exchanging simple gifts with one another means a lot to me as the things that he buys me remind me of him when he's not around.

I couldn't imagine spending Valentine's Day any other way, so let's hope this relationship is for keeps!

it should be a celebration of all the things you love

blinddate@gairrhydd.com / 23

interviews

UGLY

Duckling Originating from Long Beach, California, Ugly Duckling have been frequent visitors to our shores and have become notorious for their crowd-pleasing, electrifying live shows. In the wake of the launch of new album Audacity, Rishi Shonpal caught up with them over lunch to discuss their master plans.

The Cardiff gig was sold out; my friends tried to get in but couldn’t.

Andy Cooper: Really? That’s what happens when you play at a small enough place. Perfect!

You made a song called Cardiff.

What was the inspiration for that?

AC: It was the first time we travelled anywhere headlining an event and we had an audience just for us. It

was like, 'wow', there were people that came just to see us and the audience were great. We put that on a mental checklist. Cardiff was the best place. Plus the first time you travel as a rap group we wanna talk about it that we’ve been somewhere.

Young Einstein: Someone came up after the gig and said where you talking about Cardiff in America? I didn’t even know there was a Car-

24 / interviews@gairrhydd.com

diff in America.

AC: Yeah there’s a Cardiff near San Diego, it’s a little fishing village: more of a tourist stop where you can get fresh fish. There’s also Newport Beach a little down the way.

So the new album’s called Audacity. What’s the inspiration behind it and the front cover?

AC: The first song on the album is called I won’t let it die. The idea be-

interviews room is just hyped up. That doesn’t get old.

Young Einstein, you are wellknown for wearing a gold chain in your shows. Where did you get the idea of the gold chain?

YE: I don’t even know anymore! I think it just happened on a whim.

I got it in ’96 before it became a stupid fashion item in hip hop.

Maybe it just came down from the heavens.

Is it made of gold and do you let others wear it?

YE: No it’s gold-plated and I occasional let others wear it.

AC: I always joked that he never felt he was the world’s greatest DJ. We do shows with Jurassic 5 and they had Cut Chemist ...but they never had a chain!

YE: Without the chain I’m just a regular white guy.

“

That’s what the major labels do they see things that get people excited, figure out how to turn it around and make it into a product

“

hind Audacity is in order to be success it is not able being confident, it’s actually about believing you're successful. Look at Mick Jagger, it’s not that he isn’t talented, but bravado seems to have carried the day. I guess the ultimate audacity is a dead person looking at himself in the mirror and thinking that they are alive or they won’t die.

We thought about it afterwards that Obama being the audacity of hope. He doesn’t have a track record of experience career wise that a leader of the free world should have. But he got up and made people believe he could do it.

Are you guys aiming for audacity?

AC: We always are but not with any real hope. The thing with our group is we don’t have any marketing plans, major labels. We think what we make is quality music and hope eventually people will tell each other about it. We feel like if you have 100 people who really, really like your music that’s better than 10,000 people who are just consumers. We need to infect a small amount of people with a lot of energy and excitement about our band.

We have been a group for 15 years and we never had any high level commercial viability. The fact that we can go to Cardiff and get 300 people really excited about something is great.

15 years is a long time. What keeps you going?

AC: You can’t get anything done without focusing on something. We are pretty simple guys and this is what we focus on. We really like music. Sometimes I get frustrated and think we haven’t we done as well as we should have. But in the end it’s music that matters.

We were listening to a song by Roberta Flake and Donna Hathaway called Where’s the love?. It’s just a great, classic song. The idea of creating a classic is the challenge. It’s Mount Olympus for us and those things you don’t find about until 20 years later. So temporary success isn’t the goal, it’s trying to create something great.

Plus you saw the live show.

It’s also creating songs that really excites and affect people. There is a definite high to that. You just bring in a song and the energy in the

Do you think hip hop is dead?

YE: I don’t think so. There’s new people turning 13 everyday and they’re open minded. It's like when you were in the 1980s and you heard the rise of heavy metal and people were thinking rock ‘n’ roll is dead. But in the 90s rock was revitalised with grunge music, such as Nirvana, because a new generation came along and wanted to add something authentic to it. They didn’t do anything revolutionary but they took AC/DC kind of rock riffs and put it into a new context for a new generation. So that’s possible with hip hop.

In the late 80s NWA came up.

They were so raw, dangerous and weren’t on radio. They did fairly well. But within ten years the labels figured out how to mass-marketed a gangster character. They created 50 Cent and all these gangsters.

They made it radio-friendly; they do

songs for girls and have the right looking guys.

The things which were initially a rebellion or breaking away from mainstream eventually become the mainstream. That’s what the major labels do they see things that get people excited, figure out how to turn it around and make it into a product.

Your lyrics are really upbeat, positive and you guys are really approachable.

AC: I always tell people we’re not very popular anywhere but we’re a little popular everywhere. Even when I go on youtube its not idolworship like UD are the greatest band around, posters on walls or crying when they meet us. They like the songs. It’s not iconography.

We don’t want to be stars. The comfort for us is we don’t need to care about how we dress. We care about the music and how the shows are.

YE: Actually at the Cardiff gig noone asked me for my autograph. I usually get five minimum!

Your songs are great and a lot of people wonder why you don’t achieve mainstream success...

AC: Our distaste to get into the system. The thing that makes it massively popularly is this machinery that any major media corporation has to advertise, to get shelf space in stores, to get on TV/radio waves.

It’s like brewing your own soft drink and trying to compete with CocaCola. You can’t compete with that.

What you could do if you thought you had a really good formula for a soft drink is go to CocaCola Corporation and try to work with them. But once you sell the product, it’s their property and you have to change whatever they say.

That’s your choice. Don’t get me wrong. Artists that want to do this it does take talent, drive and ability to make it in the system.

We’d rather bottle our own brew and make it at a smaller level then have to sell our products and have to deal with them. That’s just the way we approach it.

Any favourite restaurants in the UK? AC: Einstein believes the sun rises and sets in Nandos. They don’t have any in America....if they setup one in California it would really hit off.

interviews@gairrhydd.co+m / 25

interviews

Selfish Cunt Selfish Cunt's Martin Tomlinson is not your average rock star.

Strikingly handsome, he brings to mind a young Byron, albeit clad in graffiti-ed combat fatigues and a Sid Vicious sneer.

His band are currently producing some of the most frighteningly brutal and barbed post-punk snippets since PIL. Ben Marshall and Alex Wilde caught up with Martin before he took to the stage in Cardiff Barfly.

26/ interviews@gairrhydd.com

interviews out sound Her Maj's Buck House, caused by Tomlinson's insistence on hurling a large quanitity of horseshit at the erstwhile Libertine.

The incident caused an uproar at the time, and still haunts him to this day.

'It's a bit of a Catch 22 situation with the whole Pete Doherty thing.

I mean, if I hear another question about it, sometimes I feel like screaming, although it's how a lot of people know who I am. I go to Japan, and I even get people ask-

“

Being compared to Iggy Pop - of course it's complimentary. To be honest, though, I think I'm more like Rihanna

“

I

think it bears repeating that Martin Tomlinson is not what one would expect a rock star to embody. Draped over the disconcertingly sticky Barfly furniture like an Edwardian Viscount, he ushers out his photographer boyfriend in his camp Northern tones in order to conduct this interview. His boyish face is still smeared in last night's makeup, and he is resplendent in motorcycle boots and a torn British Army tunic with the legend 'Fuck Pigs' daubed upon it in pink paint. He is undoubtedly aware of his image, and is quick to quash any notions of pretention about him.

'That's just me in there. I'm quite obsessed by performance, so it's quite natural for me to dress in this manner. It's certainly not a conscious thing. I don't think it's contrived.'

For Martin, the idea of performance is inherently linked with that of musicianship. A gig is no longer a way for a band to showcase their songs, but an exhibition for the players involved.

'When we first started, we got so much attention and notoriety for the live show. The guy I work with - Patrick - is a really talented musician, whereas I was just like go for it!'

Tomlinson really went for it, as it turns out. Infamously brutal live shows, in which Tomlinson deliberately sought to agitate the audience, often stood in the way of acceptance at the hands of the indie press. This has left the band in somewhat of a peculiar position, in having a name recognisable throughout the readership of indie music tomes such as NME, yet a limited audience for their music.

This turns out to be a point of contention for Tomlinson.

'I do want to play to people. We've worked so hard for the last couple of years, putting our head down, making music, getting away from all the bullshit and notoriety that has seemed to follow us around.'

Tomlinson is alluding to the most infamous incident following his band involving a certain Mr. Peter Doherty. In a, possibly justified spell of playful truculence, Tomlinson found himself embroiled in a scuffle with the noted junkie

ing me about it there!'

'When we started, I was angry and didn't know what I was doing - and I now see through hindsight that I was deliberately aiming for the sensational. The NME rinsed us for everything that we were worth - and to a certain extent we rinsed them.'

Despite an inauspicious start in the minds of the indie world, Selfish Cunt have begun to collect recognition from established beacons of indie sensibility. Stool Pigeon awarded their latest effort a remarkable 5 out of 5 stars, and he has even penetrated the reputable press. Time Out recently called Tomlinson 'the closest this generation has to our own Iggy Pop.' 'Being compared to Iggy Pop; of course it's complimentary. To be honest I think I'm more like Rihanna. I don't like to think too much of myself, really.'

As much as Selfish Cunt are very much in the vein of the traditional punk ethic, Martin admits that he has to reign in these ideals in order to succeed.

'Because I've always been interested in art and the sensational, I feel I've allowed myself to slip into excess. These days however, it's been all about keeping our heads

down. I've learnt to control my aggression, because a lot of our earlier gigs got out of control.'

Tomlinson's interests in the arts and the visual lend himself to be compared to the Pop Star divas that occupy the popular music charts. A strong sense of performance and an 'act' unite the two seemingly diverse worlds of Rihanna and Selfish Cunt, and it's something that Tomlinson is quick to explain.

'I love pop music, and it's something that I'd like to explore, but more in a Scott Walker kind of way way. I've never thought that Pop Music is a a bad thing. Far from it, making pop music is so hard to do well; understanding the melodies and melodrama behind it, I have so much respect for people that can do it well.'

Selfish Cunt have certainly evolved from their original incarantion. Having picked up various different members, and replaced their tinny sounding drum machine with an actual drummer, Selfish Cunt now approach the live show and the recording process in a wholly different manner than they used to.

'I feel like I have more sonic power to back me up on stage now. I feel freer. When there used to be just me and the drum machine it was a good performance, but it was almost a freak show in a whay. I feel like I can truly perform now with the band as it is. Plus, when we come to record, it's a lot more healthy, like, we just finished recording our third album in the Summer, and we were just learning about music, so with a full band it's a lot different.'

Despite a seemingly disparate range of influences, Martin only seems willing to expound on one particular, central influence; his adopted city of London.

'I'm really influenced by London. I moved there in '97 so I've lived there for 10 years now. I love how it's always changing; the music, the people. The way some people make it and others don't. There's also all that junkie poet bullshit though. But I do love the East End of London; all the cockneys, the bangaledeshis, the heroin. It's a real mash-up.'

interviews@gairrhydd.com /27

arts

Cabare Kate Budd takes a look at the best theatre coming to Cardiff in 2009, and asks...

“

Does a medley of cakes, partial nudity and Loose Women’s Linda Bellingham sound like your idea of an entertaining evening?

“

Calendar Girls 9-14th March New Theatre

The Vagina Monologues 2-6th March Wales Millennium Centre

Little Shop of Horrors 16-21st March New Theatre

If cakes, partial nudity and Loose Women’s Linda Bellingham sounds like your idea of an entertaining evening then head out to see the stage production of Calendar Girls this spring. The uplifting tale of WI ladies posing nude for a charity calendar is coming to Cardiff before heading to London’s West End. Surely worth a watch for the strategically placed buns alone.

Continuing the theme of strongminded ladies, the beautifully titled Vagina Monologues is on its way to the Millennium Centre. Join Sian Lloyd and friends to share their witty anecdotes about, y’know, women things. For fans of Sex and the City perhaps this could be a fun evening out with the girls, but for others it may constitute a night of theatrical hell. You decide!

After a hugely successful run in the West End, the sci-fi spoof Little Shop of Horrors is coming to Cardiff, featuring the tale of a giant carnivorous plant which is on a quest for a world domination. The production boasts an elaborate set and also stars Alex Ferns of Eastenders fame (the one Little Mo walloped with a kitchen appliance).

28 / arts@gairrhydd.com

arts

et?

Love it or hate it, you can't ignore the widespread success of Mamma Mia in 2008. From stage to screen, Lisa Evans explores the play which captured London and beyond.

T

Cabaret 27th April - 2nd May New Theatre The creators of the hit musical Chicago are back with the acclaimed production of Cabaret, a glitzy display of choreography and song. The world of the cabaret club in 1930s Berlin is brought to life with Samantha Barks (from BBC’s I’d Do Anything) playing the sassy Sally Bowles. Expect bowler hats and a symphony of show tunes.

he success of on-screen adaptations of stage musicals hit an all time high with the 2008 release of Mamma Mia. The ageless sing-alongsongs from ABBA saw women flocking in their thousands to watch the film version of the successful Broadway show.

The classic tunes of Dancing Queen encouraged women of all ages to experience the ultimate chick flick. Suprisingly enough, some men were also spotted grumpily amongst the women, although probably because they'd been dragged along by their ABBAenthusiast wives!

For those of you who haven’t yet seen either the stage or screen version, the film is true to the original show, telling the tale of a daughter searching for her father in time for her wedding. Set on a Greek island, the plot brings three possible men from her mother’s past to the

picturesque paradise. While the first ten minutes are cringe-worthy and extremely cheesy, once the old classic ABBA music kicks in you can’t help but smile along or, as in some cases, sing and dance up the aisles!

Musical theatre is one of the more traditional genres of art that often only appeals to a limited audience.

Yet, it isn't surprising that Mamma Mia the movie became the most successful Hollywood film musical, surpassing the likes of Hairspray and Grease. It's the ultimate feelgood and uplifting Broadway show, and translates well to the screen.

Many have been swept away by the music and the characters and it's now even the highest grossing film in the UK. The widespread appeal of Mamma Mia has reintroduced musicals as a popular form of art within mainstream culture - what could possibly top its success?

arts@gairrhydd.com / 29

books

Books What the best movies are based on...

“

Laura D has no option but to become a hooker.

Evidently she'd never heard of shop assistants

“

Scandalous, Laura D (Virgin Books)

S

ince the success of Belle du Jour and Secret Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl, we’ve been besieged by “Look at me, I was a real life prostitute” memoirs, none of which are even remotely as entertaining as the originals. Scandalous is no different.

The problem with Scandalous is essentially that while there is nothing wrong with it, there’s never anything particularly right with it either. While it’s relatively well-written, it never really captivates the reader, and struggles to hold our attention throughout.

30 / books@gairrhydd.com

'Laura D' is a 19-year-old French university student who, when faced with the habitual student worry of being perpetually broke, decides to become a prostitute (as you do).

Unfortunately, as a reader, you find that you simply don’t care. There’s nothing about the character to warm to. Steeped in self-pity and a “woe is me” attitude throughout, it’s hard to gain sympathy for a girl who tells us that because her parents both work full-time and because she had a comfortable childhood, she is ineligible for financial assistance from the state, and is therefore left with no

other option but to become a hooker.

Evidently she'd never heard of being a barmaid or a shop assistant.

Another story of prostituting herself to a balding fifty-something pervert in order to get a laptop also fails to win the reader's sympathy or compassion. Evidently she'd never heard of an internet café or a library either.

Ultimately, we don’t care enough for 'Laura D' to give two hoots what happens to her by the end of the book.

Edwina Egan

books

G

erald Martin spent 11 years researching his biography of the Colombian author Gabriel Garcia Marquez. He interviewed neighbours, friends and family members, visited the places he had lived and worked and even had the blessing and

“

Gabriel Garcia Marquez sets an example in thoroughness

T

his collection of spine-chilling tales is praised as the first collection of classical ghost stories, with works from 1829 up to 1981. The book also boasts a number of well-known authors, such as Bram Stoker, V. S. Pritchett and H. G. Wells.

I expected great things from this book, but found it repetitive and tedious. A number of stories were primarily the same, and stock characters appeared again and again.

Amelia B. Edwards’ The Phantom Coach and Bram Stoker’s The Judge’s House are both definitely well worth reading, and even the

most sceptical readers will be unable to resist being gripped by several of the earlier stories in this compilation.

As with all short story collections it is important to be prepared for let-downs along the way, perhaps more so when reading so many stories of the same genre. However, for dipping in and out of every now and then, The Oxford Book of Ghost Stories could provide you with many exciting reads and sleepless nights.

Emma Pocklington

“

There are some hidden gems, but is it worth sifting through to find them?

A

“

The Oxford Book of Ghost Stories and The Oxford Book of Scottish Short Stories, Various (Oxford)

“

Gabriel Garcia Marquez: A Life, Gerald Martin (Bloomsbury)

co-operation of the notoriously publicity-shy man himself. The author's passion for South America, his considerable experience of the region and his admiration for Marquez dominate the style of the book without being overly romanticised.

The book is clearly Martin's

nthologies are tricky.

There's a slightly elusive, almost slippery quality to them, perhaps driven by their collaborative nature. This is no exception. Scotland boasts a strong literary tradition, but the lack of any real momentum in this anthology is frustrating.

life's work and a clear attempt to thoroughly understand his idol from the perspective of his family history and the course of his own life. The biography mirrors the autobiographical features and surreal style of Marquez's novels, especially One Hundred Years of Solitude and Love in the Time of Cholera, but also a number of his earlier and less popular works.

This book is a spectacular effort and sets an example in thoroughness and insight for anyone writing non-fiction. However, for the same reason it is not an easy read. The biography has 566 pages and additional notes, each packed with a lot of information, great detail and extensive descriptions. The account of Marquez's life is almost too in-depth and may be information overload for lovers of light reading. However, Marquez is a fascinating individual and the beautiful writing style of the book make it worth the effort.

Rebecca Ganz

While it's obviously positive that regional literature is becoming more and more recognised, the category 'Scottish short stories' is too broad, resulting in a sprawling selection of stories with no thematic unity.

Some stories are written in Scottish dialect, and while Irvine Welsh has managed to pull this off, it is often alienating. There's a glossary provided, but it's cumbersome to use and too tempting to think 'sod it: I'll guess the gist', and throw any subtlety of meaning to the wind.

This isn't to say that there aren't some gems in here. Eric McCormack's The One-Legged Men is a harrowing lament for the survivors of a mining accident, and George Friel's I'm Leaving You dissects a marital breakdown in teasing snippets.

The problem is that each mini tour de force is countered by at least one exercise in skull-crushing boredom.

Every Violets and Strawberries in the Snow is balanced – even cancelled out –by those like The Two Drovers or Bang-Bang You're Dead.

There are some moments of genuine beauty hidden away, but is it worth sifting through to find them?

It's questionable.

Emma Davies

books@gairrhydd.com /

31

books

Competition!

We have three Oxford books to give away: The New Oxford Book of Victorian Verse, The Oxford Book of Seventeenth Century Verse and The Oxford Book of War Poetry If you'd like one of these to help you swan around university looking smart, email books@gairrhydd.com with the answer to the following question and your choice of book:

What genre of poetry are Keats, Byron and Shelley associated with: a) Pre-Raphaelite b) Romanticism c) They're all ponces, I want a book!

Winners will be chosen on Sunday, February 8 and contacted by email.

Books in Cardiff a guide to all things literary and local this fortnight

February 9 Cardiff Creative Writing – Poetry Reading with Niall Griffiths 6pm Milgi, City Road.

Milgi is a pretty cool location for a poetry reading, and it's through the University's Creative Writing department. so go along, drink a cocktail and be arty.

February 12 Launch of The Last Green Year by John Powell Ward and a reading from Stale Bread and Miracles by Jan Fortune Wood 7.30pm, Dylan Thomas Centre, Swansea.

Yeah, OK, it's in Swansea, but there's free wine in it. Free wine is always a reason to go to something.

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books

dark

words

Patrick Jones's controversial launch of darkness is where the stars are: moralistic minefield or over-hyped washout? Aisling Tempany investigates...

S

“

I had to provide my passport on entering to check I wasn't going to start trouble

“

o, to briefly remind you of the story: Patrick Jones was to launch his new poetry collection, Christian Voice protested, the launch was cancelled and created a fair bit of media furore.

The publishers, Cinnamon Press, arranged to launch the book in Cardiff's Borders store instead. But again, Christian Voice, led by Stephen Green, made plans to sabotage the launch. Dramatically, threats ranged from the sinister promises of 'disruptive conduct' to the illiterate ('WE OBJECT TO PATRICK JONES BLAMPHEMOUS POETRY') and the comical (plans to hide, 'undetected', in the store's toilets all day).

Trouble was expected. The event was invite only. I had to provide my passport on entering the store to check I wasn't going to start trouble. Four policemen were outside the store, in co-operation with several beefy doormen inside the store.

Stephen Green and Christian Voice spent the afternoon of December 11 protesting at the Senedd. For some reason though, by 8pm in the evening, everyone seemed to have given up, and Stephen Green was left standing outside Borders alone, reading from the Bible, while passers-by mocked him. I would have felt sorry, but I don't like someone pushing pamphlets into my hand telling me I will burn in hell for reading a book. I doubt many people do, which is why so many people were interested in Jones. All

those weeks of preparation, security, hype and immense publicity all came down to one old man trying to push his way past a doorman.

Jones himself turned up with his family, his wife and two sons, more for protection it seemed, rather than an appreciation of literature.

(I felt sorry for the kids – they looked like they just wanted to go home.)

Maybe Jones has missed his calling as a speechwriter or a politician, considering his ability to stir up emotions. His undeniably weak poetry is more notable for its ability to shock than anything else.

The staff in Borders, now relieved that the event was completely troublefree, were having a laugh in the corner, and helping themselves to the free food and wine that was available.

Making the most astute comment on the situation, one staff member picked up a glass of red wine and announced: "This is the blood of Christ. Mmm, Christy."

Everyone laughed – no one was going to hell. The manager didn't even bother to comment on the fact that the staff were getting drunk.

The view in Borders was that the poetry had won out over religious 'bigotry' (as the publishers titled it). I didn't see it that way. In the end, I'm not sure what all the fuss was about.

books@gairrhydd.com /

33

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GAMES OF With the start of the new year and the major developer studios sticking to their deadlines like an elephant on a ramp made of teflon, 2009 is making no promises to gamers. Tom Baker looks at some of the most anticipated titles.

I

Mad World Wii People who have slated the Wii as a console ‘for kids’ are about to have a rude awakening in the form of Mad World. Those lovers of abject carnage and gore out there, and you know who you are, finally get a chance to take out your insatiable blood lust in a game where there seems to be little other point than to find inventive ways to kill people.

This ranges from playing human darts, to skewering someone with a caution sign. It also looks like the bastard offspring of a Sin City comic and Dead Rising, which sounds

34 / digital@gairrhydd.com

bloody brilliant to me.

Bionic Commando PS3 This is one of those games that I feel I’m going to be horribly let down by, but the action videos of game play instantly hooked me. The fast flow and fluidity of motion are things which I have tried to rediscover in a

“

Those who dismissed the Wii as a console ‘for kids’ are about to have a rude awakening

“

Halo Wars Xbox 360, PC t seems developers haven’t quite milked master chief for all he’s got, if you’ll excuse the disturbing imagery, as this new iteration promises to revitalise the franchise in a new RTS image.

On the surface this looks promising, my own love of RTS games not withstanding, though the team behind the name has changed to Ensemble Studios, who were the creative genius behind the age of empire series. As such the pedigree for a Halo RTS is looking top notch, building on the ‘foaming at the mouth’ fanboy aspect of the Halo name with the solid design history of Ensemble Studios, it has the potential to be great.

game since Spiderman 2 came out on the PS2, this looks like an almost exact copy of the speed and motion, except now you have a rocket launcher and an extreme improvement in physics. It looks fun to play, which is more than a lot of recent action games have been and even though the game play looks a tad on the side of repetitive, there is plenty of time to fix these issues before release.

Dawn of War 2 PC I think I may have over played my hand a bit with my anticipation of

this game, but my enjoyment of the previous game and its expansions has been such that it rejuvenated my love of RTS titles. The gameplay mechanics look and balancing, is perfect, and I have yet to find a more varied RTS experience in any other title. Even though relic have redone the gameplay style, the squad based action is still going to play a big part in this title, and anyone who has witnessed this in game videos can attest that this title not only looks pretty, but incorporates more strategy than the previous titles.

Aliens Colonial Marines PC, Xbox 360, PS3 I can safely say my heart skipped a beat when I saw this on the release schedule. One of the most terrifying moments of my young gaming life came from Alien versus Predator 2 on the PC, where being ambushed by swarms of aliens caused me to fall off my chair. This was one of the most immersive games of its time and had three parallel running story arch’s that sucked you in and kept your eyes glued to the screens for movement in the shadows. The premise is good, the games have good groundings in the past and the fan base will carry this title, though equally my childlike anticipation may be crushed under SEGA’s utter inability to make anything of value in the last decade.

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2009

Demi God PC Take Rome in total war, now place one of the giants out of shadow of colossus in the middle of the battle.

Got that image? Does it have you as excited as I am? Good. You can customise a living God to guide your army in a war against another force in an epic struggle for dominance.

Taking the classic scale of the total war series and adding an RPG element in the form of a colossal super being is exactly what should have been done with Black and White 2, which for all that games success hasn’t nearly wet my apatite as much as this title.

“

I can safely say my heart skipped a beat when I saw this on the release schedule

“

Resident Evil 5 Xbox 360 After the success of the letterbox action game design of Resi 4, Capcom have decided to phone in the old design team and essentially recreate the same experience again, though shifting the region from an impoverished Spanish village to an impoverished African one. Lack of change may do this series good though, Capcom clearly saw the success of an action based experience over the traditional survival horror genre and went with the flow.

This game promises to show that old franchises are still able to please gamers, and not to try and fix what isn’t broken with needless add-ons or massive gameplay adjustments.

Alan Wake Xbox 360, PS3, PC This psychological thriller is the first scary thing to emerge from the gaming world since Peter Molyneux.

Set in a small provincial town in America, which undergoes changes at night that turn it into a nightmarish world, resembling the books written by the protagonist. The presence of the ubiquitous fog makes this title seem an awful lot like Silent Sill, but more like what Silent Hill used to be, before Sean Bean worked his way into the franchise. This has my hopes high for the best survival horror of 2009.

digital@gairrhydd.com / 35

going going outout

GOING OUT? A

nd a belated happy new year, one and all!

The loans have arrived, the exams are over – now, my friends, is the time to party. 2009 looks set to be the year that Cardiff hits the big time – well, at least in terms of the nightlife.

One Mission are kicking off the new term with a (free!) social at Glo bar on February 4th, providing the perfect warm-up for Benga and the Freestylers, who will be whipping up a musical storm at Glam club on the same night. Mut-

tywango are taking over the Globe on Albany Road on February 7th for an evening of live hip hop; however, if you fancy something a little less lyrical and a little more beat-based, head to Glo where Burnski is the latest in the Cool House showcase.

Neuropol presents Ruffnek Discotek at Glo on the 11th, while the Valentine's Day celebrations will be in full swing at Undertone on Saturday 14th - don't worry, no partner is required.

For those looking for something new and exciting, reach for the

lasers at Welsh Club, where Cardiff Luminous Underground Disco will be putting on an evening of psytrance, psybreaks and freeform on Friday 13th. Optional ‘outer space’ fancy dress theme prevails… You have been warned!

So, there are no excuses left – reach for your wallet, get your dancing shoes on and head into the city.

Let’s see this year in with style!

Much love, The Going Out Team. x

- pick of the issue -

J

anuary has been a bit of a dead month for me, rave-wise. After the hectic free-for-all that was New Year's Eve, I descended into a depression at the thought of imminent deadlines, unwritten essays and revision.

However, once the bastard things were finished with, I staggered out into the daylight to learn that Cassette Audio has plans to liven up our weeknights, this February in the form of Benga and the Freestylers.

Freestylers Over a decade has passed since the Freestylers' first release in 1996, and in that time a range of musical influences have impacted upon their style. Much like the Scratch Perverts, the Freestylers

Kirstin Knight investigates the hype around the latest big names to hit the Cardiff club scene were brought together through a shared love of hip hop, a truth not immediately obvious from their music; Matt Cantor, one half of the duo, describes their sound as 'breaks for the masses'. However, this belies the eclectic quality of their music, which has seen them collaborate with Australian drum & bass outfit Pendulum to produce the wildly popular 2005 release Fasten Your Seatbelt. Not only this, but the Freestylers are also legends behind the scenes, having had a hand in the production of everything from house compilations of the 90s to the Plump DJs' album A Plump Night Out and, more recently, the FabricLive series.

It will be interesting to see how they respond to the presence of Benga, one of the biggest names in dubstep, whose return to Cardiff is hotly anticipated after his appearance at the Union last November. The Croydon DJ's progressive brand of dubstep, which he defines as 'drum & bass style synths, drum & bass style basslines, with garage tempo drums', has seen him

36 / goingout@gairrhydd.com

achieve international recognition for a genre which in the past has been very much a British grassroots movement. Pretty impressive stuff for someone who predicted his own retirement by late 2008.

“

Basslines are an international language.

Everyone loves a bassline, innit?

“

BENGA AND THE FREESTYLERS

Despite his rise to stardom, however, Benga is not one for musical snobbery. On the question of whether the rising popularity of dubstep poses a threat to its musical integrity, he laughs: 'Basslines are an international language.

Everyone loves a bassline, innit?'

We couldn't agree more. Roll on Wednesday...

Benga and the Freestylers, Glam Club, Tuesday February 14, £8/9

going out

Club Seven 24/01/09

W

Alex Gwilliam takes in the latest offering from the irrepressible C-Y-N-T was palpable. Playing a satisfying mix of his own bass heavy production alongside more rolling, technoflavoured numbers, he kept things varied, wowing the crowd with his displays of scratching and turntablism. Predictably enough, summer blockbuster Mars nearly took the roof down, with scores of smiling

faces singing along to its (admittedly now rather overplayed) hook.

As the set drew to a close there was a brief pause for sound equipment to be changed in preparation for the Plump DJs, and it was at this moment the night’s major drama unfolded…

I think it reflects well on the eagerness of a crowd that, blissfully unaware, were happy to rave away to the wail of the fire alarm for a full ten minutes before realising that this was not, in fact, the intro to the next set. With the Welsh rain lashing down in torrents outside, the club emptied onto the street unsure of whether or not this signalled a rather disappointing end to the night. Thankfully, after three fire engines, 15 minutes and a lot of huddling in doorways the building

was reopened.

Any fears that this impromptu disruption might have irrevocably spoiled the atmosphere were banished by the sheer enthusiasm with which the crowd returned to the dancefloor. There was a clear sense that everyone left in the club truly wanted to be there, and the Plumps rewarded this dedication with a set every bit as impassioned and energetic as the people dancing to it. Showcasing a heady mix of tunes ranging from the well known to the underground, the duo proved why it is that they have managed to stay so consistently popular in the face of a breakbeat scene that has become increasingly tired and predictable.

By the night’s close the crowd were still clamouring for more, and the provision of the first of many C-Y-N-T afterparties was happy to cater for the bed-shy and ravehungry. All in all the whole night just went to show that not even venue changes, long queues, torrential rain or fire alarms could dampen the party spirits of the C-Y-N-T faithful. As the first of many large scale monthly events at Club Seven, let’s hope they all continue in such an impressive vein.

PHOTOS: Tom Armstrong

ith Sub-29 having seemingly vanished from the Cardiff clubbing landscape, last Saturday saw C-Y-N-T moved to the basement of Millennium Plaza for the christening of the brand new Club Seven.

Having been timed to coincide specifically with the end of the January exam period, it is unsurprising that there was quite a bit of a commotion being generated about the night – that and the impressive combination of Plump DJs and Fake Blood on the lineup. With all nine hundred tickets sold out days in advance, and a queue that stretched around the block a full hour before the doors even opened, it’s clear people were raring for a good night out.

The shift in venue appears to have been somewhat of a blessing, as Seven’s sunken dancefloor, meaty soundsystem, widescreen projector and larger bars seemed to provide the perfect setting for an event this size. The layout of the dancefloor in particular ensured a perpetual throng of dancers in front of the stage, giving the night a true party vibe from start to finish.

By the time Fake Blood appeared at midnight the crowd’s anticipation

Fake Blood

PLUMP DJS AND FAKE BLOOD

goingout@gairrhydd.com / 37

goinggoing out out

Club Listings 2/2/09 15/2/09 Wednesday February 4 • One Mission Social (Drum n Bass/Breaks/Dubstep) Glo Bar, 10pm – 3am, Free • Cassette Quality pres. Benga and Freestylers (Dubstep/Breaks) Glam, 10pm – 4am, £8adv / £9 Thursday February 5 • C-Y-N-T pres. Matt Walsh – Turbo Recordings (Electro/House/ Techno) Clwb Ifor Bach, 10.30pm – 4am, £3 NUS b4 11 / £4 after

Saturday February 7 • Cardiff Uni Snowsports Snowball Royal Hotel, 7pm – 1am, £25 • One Mission coach trip to Bedlam (Drum n Bass/Dubstep), Bristol Academy, 8pm – 7am, £25 • Mutty Wango pres. Kashmere the Iguana Man (Hip Hop) The Globe, 8pm – 12am, £4 • Cool House pres. Burnski (House/Techno) Glo Bar, 10pm – 4am, £5 before 11 / £7 after Wednesday February 11 • Neuropol pres. Ruffnek Discotek (Dubstep) Glo Bar, 10pm – 4am, £3 Thursday February 12 • C-Y-N-T (Electro/House/Techno) Clwb Ifor Bach, 10.30pm – 4am, £3 NUS before 11 / £4 after.

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Friday February 13 • CLUD pres. Battlepsy Galactica (Psy-Trance/Techno/Chillout), Clwb Ifor Bach, 10pm – 8am, £8 Saturday February 14 • Electrocity Valentines Special (Electro/House) Undertone, 9pm – 3am, £3/£5.

• Love Will Tear Us A Part-Y feat. Friendly Fires & Renthouse Groove Buffalo, 9pm – 4am

SNAP HAPPY?

send us your going out pics and you could get your face on these pages! goingout@gairrhydd.com

music

inmusicthisweek

live:skylarkin

albumsoftheyear

albums:franz

musiceditorial newsinbrief Kanye Not Bisexual

NME Awards

Battle Of The Bands

Yep, it's the surprise revelation of the year; Kanye West is not bisexual and he won't do bisexual porn.

In a blog reacting to his e-mail account being hacked, Kanye called for potential hackers to "give me a break", going on to ask "Why won't you let me be great?." It seems that these trivial distractions have been getting in the way of people's love and adoration for Kanye, and this is something that he will not stand for. As well as his personal e-mail account, Kanye has also been a victim of hacking on Myspace, Twitter and Skype services, but Kanye came armed with the perfect riposte, firing back with, "Look how fresh my suit is...nuff said."

It's that time of year again kids, where you get the chance to exercise your democratic right to vote, in the NME Awards! There are some serious issues up for discussion, like worst dressed, best tour dvd, and villain of the year. If all this leaves you feeling slightly cold then fear not, you're not alone. The awards are nonsensical, there's one for best website where you're invited to choose between Bebo and Myspace which is like choosing favourite things about pets, and being given 'dogshit' and 'possible rabies infection' as your only two options. Actually why do we even care about NME anymore? Let's hope it goes the way of TOTP.

Don't be fooled by the title, because this isn't like a proper battle with fighting and swords, but more of a straight-forward music competition with student bands. As disappointed as you might be that this isn't some kind of real-life celebrity death match shit, however, this is actually an event worthy of your attention. A series of heats running throughout February and March will be showcasing some of the best student talent, with the winners receiving a whopping £300 prize as well as a slot at this year's Summer Ball and more. The final on the 19th March will take place in the students' union costing just £3, so no excuses kids.

discoverlocal...

I

usually like my gigs to be fronted with an array of lyrics, so a purely instrumental night at Welsh Club was a change of tune for me.

Enter Gallops – at first sight a mass breakout from a local lunatic asylum (I say this predominantly for the appearance of the drummer – a mass of muscle and eyes that could cut the very space he stared into), but minutes later the wall of sound knocks the thought right out

Gallops. Clwb Ifor Bach. 24/01/09

of your skull.

Gallops are what I would like to describe as electro-metal with a pinch of funk, driven by the powerhouse that is the crazy-eyed drummer. Though the backdrop of electric noise contributed well to the sound, all heads stared incessantly at the blur of drumstick laden limbs that could be welcome in any, ahem, good metal band.

The band’s musical proficiency was revealed in stages in between

fast paced metal, where the band revealed a quiet, sensitive side (musically, at least) by introducing clever melodies and softening the tone. The big finish came with a song simply called “The Encore”, after which we still cried for more.

Steve Beynon

music@gairrhydd.com / 39

Records of the Year

music

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds Dig Lazarus Dig

Bon Iver For Emma. Forever Ago

Erykah Badu New Amerykah Part One

Subtle jazz grooves underpinned by a brooding, menacing atmosphere, from the raucous Today's Lesson to the mellow beauty of Jesus of the Moon. Sounds like one hell of a dark party round at Nick's place.

Emma Davies

A rare occasion in which the word “beautiful” is not an overstatement, this album offers an intimate and haunting set of acoustic songs. It resides in a distinctly melancholy emotional range but never becomes miserable, instead creating a unique almost spiritual feel.

David Spittle

Badu's cool, understated vocal delivery has never sounded so assured as on her latest release, which buoys her drifting melodies over slender hip-hop beats. Sublime.

Ben Bryant

Crystal Castles Crystal Castles

2008 was undoubtedly the year that Dubstep came and scared seven shades of shit out of all other musical genres, and leading this campaign to redefine music is Benga. At the forefront of a scene, Benga utilises his trademark cavity-shaking bass and sparse, almost tribal drumming to mesmerising effect. This would be the album of any year, it just happened to be released in 2008.

Ben Marshall

Foals Antidotes Between dropping out of Uni and being roughed up by Mr Lydons heavies, Foals managed to get their much-anticipated debut out and about. Oozing high tempo poppy gems and well-grounded vocals, get it if you haven’t already, or better still catch them live.

Tom Coyle

Fleet Foxes Fleet Foxes Fleet Foxes' debut sounds like it was recorded while sat around a campfire in a woodland clearing as the night drew in. Sometimes spooky, sometimes rousing, and sometimes absolutely gorgeous, it could've been recorded in any year from about 1967 and it would probably have been the best album of the year - that it came out last year is just chance.

Jamie Dance Thunder

MGMT Oracular Spectacular New Yorkers MGMT showed there is still room for a bit of originality in the mainstream with a perfectly pitched piece of psychedelic dance-rock that puts the fun back in funk.

Steve Wright

40/music@gairrhydd.com

Credited by NME as producing ‘music for sociopaths’, Crystal Castles’ self-titled debut album transformed retro 8-bit chiptunes into a sensational array of nu-rave gems. ‘Love and Caring’, ‘Air War’ and ‘Alice Practice’ all epitomize Ethan Kath’s electro-mastery and Alice Glass’ searing vocals.

Renyi Lim

Portishead Third Comeback albums rarely come as bold, brave and as progessive as Portishead's Third. Industrial, fragmented percussion and Beth Gibbons' bitter-sweet vocals result in a stunning record of isolation, fear and poignancy.

Phil Guy

Vampire Weekend Vampire Weekend Citing influences as wide ranging as African pop to Western Classical, Vampire Weekend don’t really fit into any one niche. But “who gives a fuck?” it sounds good and the whole album is goddam catchy, feel good indie pop perfection. throughout.

Tom Coyle

Benga Diary Of An Afro Warrior

Those Dancing Days In Our Space Hero Suits A Swedish girl group. Well the appeal for the male readers is obvious, but it is the soul, adorable lyrics and handclaps (an essential part of all good pop songs) that made this album the perfect ray of sunshine for evil winter days.

Dom Kehat

TV on the Radio Dear Science A remarkable record that continues in the tradition of New York art rock, while pushing the boundaries of pop experimentalism. No other record this year captured such a broad range of emotions, and did so with such aplomb.

Fiona Gunn

music

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music

a bluffer’s guide to...

Emma Davies explores the history of perhaps London's most celebrated independent label, and picks out some of her favourite acts in the process

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hough undeniably small and grotty, the original Rough Trade shop provided the foundation for one of the UK’s most influential independent record labels. By 1978, shop owner Geoff Travis had a nifty little distribution network of bands on the local DIY scene – releasing singles was just a natural progression. By 1979 the burgeoning label had begun to release LPs, picking up a reputation for punk, reggae and electro.

After becoming a separate entity from the shop in 1982 and growing in success, all was rosy with Rough Trade and they welcomed on board a new co-owner, PiL musician Jeannette Lee, in ‘87. The label also demonstrated their egalitarian values by supporting the miners’ strike of 1984-5.

In 1991, the Rough Trade group collapsed into administration and lost much of its back catalogue, but all was not lost. In 2000, Travis and Lee resurrected the label in partnership with Sanctuary, finding in The Strokes their biggest commercial success since The Smiths. In 2002 the Sanctuary group was purchased

by BMG, but in 2007 Rough Trade was sold to the Beggars’ group,

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making it independent once again.

Broadening their horizons with artists such as British Sea Power, 1990s and Jarvis Cocker, the future looks bright for Rough Trade.

Stiff Little Fingers Though only signed to Rough Trade for one album, their 1979 debut offering, Inflammable Material, was the first LP release by the label, charting at number 14 in the UK album charts – not a bad feat for a new independent label – and was the first independent album to sell over 100,000 copies. After migrating to Chrysalis in 1980, the band split in ’83, only to reform in ’87. Despite multiple line-up changes (singer Jake Burns is the only member to have graced all incarnations) the Northern Irish punks are still going strong, having influenced a second wave of bands including Rancid and Bad Religion.

The Smiths Considered by many to have invented indie music as we know it, the marriage of Johnny Marr’s distinctive jangly guitar and Morrissey’s mellifluous vocals helped to propel Rough Trade into the mainstream when

they were signed in 1983. Releasing four studio albums and many singles, the band notched up average sales of around half a million units per record – the numbers of disenfranchised teenagers they appealed to doubtless topped this by far. Since their highly acrimonious split in ’87, Morrissey and Marr have repeatedly shrugged off rumours of a reformation, instead focusing on their solo career and work with Modest Mouse and The Cribs respectively.

The Libertines After Rough Trade’s resurgence at the beginning of the millennium, The Libertines were one of the bands at the forefront of a new wave of British bands. Their guerrilla gigs are repeatedly credited with breaking down the barriers between performer and audience, and the hype around them was so intense that they were featured on the cover of NME after the release of their first single in 2002. Lasting a mere two and a half years before imploding in a very public fashion, their self-titled second album remains a fantastic and moving portrait of a band in the midst of a meltdown.

music

live live live live live live live THE FUTUREHEADS Sub 29 08/12/08

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The Futureheads PHOTO: Ed Townsend

ardiff’s newest music venue played host to a fun-filled night of post-punk indie mayhem as Sunderland’s finest, The Futureheads, proceeded to put in a truly stonking performance.

After lively sets from support acts Love Bits and Bruises and Johnny Foreigner, the stage is set for the Futureheads, who proceed to seize the night with glorious aplomb. Kicking off with crowd favourite Decent Days and Nights, electrifying the previously static audience into action as Sub-29 becomes a veritable cauldron of jumping, sweaty bodies. Refreshingly, you get the impression that the they’re genuinely happy to be here despite it being a rainy Monday night, with the banter amongst themselves and the crowd often bordering on hilarious.

Just when you think they merely sound good, out comes Walking Backwards, and you realise they’re actually pretty damn good. Kate Bush cover Hounds of Love is predictably reeled out towards the end, and as good as its sound, you can’t help feel a sense of injustice that this is still their signature song, especially as on tonight’s evidence, there's so much more to their repertoire.

To summarise, The Futureheads: they came, they saw, they conquered. And sounded awesome in the process.

Steve Wright

SKY LARKIN & PABH Barfly 23/01/09

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uw Stephens - purveyor of new music, curator of the best festival in Wales and a Radio 1 DJ to boot. The man can clearly do no wrong, and the second date of his 'Introducing' tour does nothing to diminish this

reputation.

You may well have stumbled upon a BBC Introducing stage at one of last summer's festivals, and tonight's gig sees two of the most exciting bands from that jaunt upon the cramped Barfly stage.

Pulled Apart By Horses come first, and boy do they pack a punch.

Pugnacious vocals are teamed with hulking riffs to great effect. The band spread themselves out into the crowd flailing around, the audience in turn take a collective step back;

perhaps out of fear, perhaps out of awe.

Sky Larkin are next, and with a tough act to follow, luckily they have enough charming indie-pop nuggets in their locker to win over just about any crowd. Their stage banter is terribly endearing and this atones for a slightly overlong set. I came away wishing I knew their songs better, and with their debut album out any day now I'll jump at the opportunity; you should consider doing so too.

Guy Ferneyhough

music@gairrhydd.com / 43

music

albums albums albums albums ELVIS PERKINS

ANIMAL COLLECTIVE

In Dearland

DALEK Gutter Tactics

XL Recordings

Ipecac

Domino

olk: a bit of a Marmite genre, you could say, with the majority of people finding it either enchanting or boring to the point of suicidal.

Elvis Perkins however, falls into the category of impossible to hate, let alone cause death. Furthermore, encompassing so many elements, with jazz backing, amazing guitars, lyrics reminiscent of Joel Cohen genius and a voice that's easy on the ear, Perkins has created a folk album which should appeal to all.

From opening track Shampoo and its opening line “Black is the colour of a strangled rainbow”, In Dearland is an album to really listen to, with mesmerising lyrics of an almost poetic quality. Then the harmonica kicks in and even the doubter is enthralled, as everyone knows the harmonica is the best instrument known to man. And Hours Last Stand is Willy Mason at his best – and then some.

Elvis Perkins listeners: prepare to be a folk convert.

Dom Kehat

n an age where progressiveness in hip-hop equals the deployment of a vocoder, Dälek are a breath of fresh air. The New Jersey duo have been plugging away under the radar for the last ten years, creating a sound that is unlike any of their contemporaries.

While their records are sampleheavy, the palette of sounds they draw from is a shade darker than average; their tracks are submerged in a shadowy ambience, drenched in layered noise and backed by heavy bass. Gutter Tactics sees producer Oktopus expand his range of sound textures from 2007s Abandoned Language, with MC Dälek in typically indignant form.

While Obama is undertaking his first weeks in office, his former minister's controversial post-9/11 sermon is sampled in the opening track: "America's chickens are coming home to roost," proclaims Reverend Wright. It's a far cry from talk of hope and "yes we can", but Dälek wouldn't work any other way.

Guy Ferneyhough

espite the year being just over a month old, Merriweather Post Pavillion has been touted as one of THE albums of the year by various bastions of indie wisdom. It is hard, therefore, to absent oneself from the constant barrage of praise and adulation in order to give an impartial review.

Much as it irritates my usually truculent manner, it seems as though the popular opinion is somewhat justified. Merriweather Post Pavilion is a dreamlike rumination over 50 years of popular music, taking in elements of dub, `60s psychedelia, balearic jazz and everything in between. Tracks like My Girls are gloriously euphoric and the vocals become less about an important message, but yet another beautiful layer in the construction of the song.

Not necessarily an album for fans of brevity and punk ethics – in fact, many of the songs err on the side of indulgence – yet this is a relatively small infraction compared to the glory of the remainder of the album.

Perhaps it's finally time to believe the hype.

Ben Marshall

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Merriweather Post Pavilion

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Animal Collective

c Party

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music

albums albums albums albums FRANZ FERDINAND Tonight: Franz Ferdinand Domino

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with Alex Kapranos and co. Ulysses is a guilty pleasure, and no doubt will be an indie-disco cornerstone for months to come, but at track one the charm soon wears off. No You Girls will almost certainly feature in charts in the near future, but it's little more than a vacant patchwork of Franz's previous hit-singles. And my word, the four minute electro-house breakdown at the end of Lucid Dreams?

Contrived, and just awful.

Head-in-hands awful.

Phil Guy

case his soft, melodic vocals, which as well as providing the very epitome of soul also serve as a catalyst to spur the band on to even greater heights. Much of the time, though, Joseph stays quiet and lets the music do the talking. And boy does it talk. The Spasm Band purr like a well-oiled machine, ostentatiously functioning for large parts of tracks like The Bamboo Saxophone and River of Masks to the extent that you hardly notice Joseph’s absence.

When he returns though, he doesn’t so much announce his presence as he does slam the door.

Blues For Cousin Alvin demonstrates

the sheer depth and versatility of his vocals, while His Hands simultaneously informs us first-hand that the often-neglected adage of ‘less is more’ still has a basis.

Overall, Heavenly Sweetness can be seen as a breath of fresh air in a music industry so often constrained by a mainstream yearning and lack of variety. For people missing the voice of someone like the late great Bob Marley, you could do a lot worse than check this record out.

Steve Wright

5

Franz Ferdinand

Stereophonics

imply put, Tonight: Franz Ferdinand is not brilliant.

Not by any means. And what's more, it does seem to reiterate that the Glaswegians will never top their debut, and are edging further away from that achievement both in terms of quality and direction.

Changes in musical direction are

fine, but when they're as pedestrian or as conservative as adding a couple of synth lines here and there, they're barely worth the hassle. The album is different from the previous records, but it's certainly still the Franz Ferdinand we're all familiar with, albeit in a more superficial, hollow demeanour. There are future hit singles, and there are a handful of good songs – Twilight Omens and Live Alone are examples – but there's nothing holding them together, or plugging the gaps.

For me, Tonight: Franz Ferdinand is a misstep. It lacks the character and roguishness normally associated

ANTHONY JOSEPH Bird Head Son Heavenly Sweetness

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hrowing together the conventions of jazz, funk and reggae with just a hint of the Caribbean, Bird Head Son is consistent in discovering new modes in which to give its music a more colourful feel.

The first track Vero is a strong opening, giving frontman Anthony Joseph the perfect chance to show-

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music

Listings

singlesoftheweek

Monday 2nd Brakes @ Tommy's Bar

Tuesday 3rd

Wednesday 4th The Foxes @ Bristol Cooler Keane @ CIA

Thursday 5th The Rakes @ Barfly Battle of the Bands Heat One @ Talybont Social

Friday 6th Peter Broderick @ Clwb

Saturday 7th Foals @ The Lanes, Bristol Attack + Defend @ Clwb

Sunday 8th Lay Lows @ Clwb Save Your Breath @ Barfly

Tuesday 10th Rose Elinor Dougall @ Clwb

Thursday 12th Mystery Jets @ Anson Rooms, Bristol Battle of the Bands Heat Two @ Talybont Social

Saturday 14th NME Shockwaves Tour @ SU Little Feat @ The Globe

Saturday 20th

Secret Machines @ Thekla, Bristol

46 / music@gairrhydd.com

Morrissey

Emmy The Great @ Clwb Fighting With Wire @ Barfly

Morrissey

Paris Decca/Polydor

8

A tantalising debut single from Morrissey’s upcoming album, Years of Refusal. Whilst the lyrics are lacking his usual array of sarcastic observation, the catchy melody and rousing chorus should make it a favourite. SR

Guns 'n' Roses

4

Better Geffen

Better is the second hit from the album Chinese Democracy. Guns n' Roses frontman Axl Rose is the last man standing in album which has been 15 years in the making. Let's hope this is his last. MD

Frank Turner

Reasons Not to...

Xtra Mile

8

Anthony & The Johnsons

Epilepsy is Dancing will disappoint.

Although enjoyable, there is little imagination as Anthony and the Johnsons doesn’t take risks with his established, critically acclaimed sound. JD

Cage The Elephant

4

Back Against The Wall Relentless

One of the weaker tracks on the album, this is a surprising choice for a single. Plodding along like there’s no tomorrow, this is a poor show from a band capable of far better.

Disappointing. SW

Esser

As formulaic as they come, but it’s hard not to like this song. With the catchy chorus and sing-along vocals, could Frank Turner do for folk what Amy Winehouse did for jazz and soul? SW

Work It Out Transgressive

4

Jaunty but annoying the uplifting tune is spoilt by the lamentable uninspired lyrics that reek of pettiness. It is just another generic outing to hit and miss land. Give it a miss. RW

3

Some songs are perfect to dance to - with its 80s style electro vibe, when remixed this is a great tune, but in its original form just a tad boring. DK

The Voluntary Butler Crystal Stilts Scheme Departure Multiplayer Split Records

5

Epilepsy Is Dancing Rough Trade

Slumberland

9

Eclectic, understated pop gem taken from the acclaimed album Alight of Night. Somewhere between 60's rock 'n' roll and shoegaze, Departure is a highlight from an exception album. PG

film

film news . rumours . conjecture THE NOMINATIONS ARE IN

TINTIN OUT

As the biggest night in the film calender fast approaches, here is a brief run down of nominees for the most sought after Academy Awards.

Billy Elliot star Jamie Bell has penned his name to play the title role in Stephen Spielberg's adaptation of the much-loved HergĂŠ comic strip about an intrepid Belgian reporter. Bell replaces British actor Thomas Sangster, who pulled out of the project when it was recently back shelved due to funding issues.

Reports also suggest that Daniel Craig is being lined up to appear as the villainous pirate Red Rackham.

The pair, who recently appeared alongside each other in Defiance will join confirmed cast members Andy Serkis, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Mackenzie Crook. The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn is set for release in 2011.

Actor in a Leading Role: Richard Jenkins The Visitor

Frank Langella Frost/Nixon Sean Penn Milk Brad Pitt The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Mickey Rourke The Wrestler Actress in a Leading Role: Anne Hathaway Rachel Getting Married Angelina Jolie Changeling Melissa Leo Frozen River Meryl Streep Doubt Kate Winslet The Reader Directing/Best Picture: David Fincher The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Ron Howard Frost/Nixon Gus Van Sant Milk Danny Boyle Slumdog Millionaire Stephen Daldry The Reader

CUMMING TO A BIG SCREEN NEAR YOU As 3-D cinema continues to set new precendents in the mainstream movie industry, it has been announced that the world's first 3-D porn flick is about to go into production. The movie, which will be in Chinese, is called Sex and Zen and is an adaptation of a well known 17th century erotica tale. Although little has been revealed about what exactly audiences can expect from an interactive adult film, the films director has promised plenty of titilating scenes. The film is to be given a limited cinematic release in December, and is expected to arouse international interest, although no UK release date has currently been set. Filming is to begin in April, however, the film's producer Stephen Shiu Jr. has expressed concern over finding a male actor willing to strip off and rise to the occasion.

this week: top 5 acceptance speeches p. 55 film@gairrhydd.com /47

film

the wrestler dir: darren aronofsky cast: mickey rourke, marisa tomei, evan rachel wood

out now, 115 mins Synopsis: In the 1980s Randy "The Ram" Robinson was a headlining professional wrestler. Twenty years on and a semi retired Randy is struggling to sustain relationships with the few people left in his life.

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valkyrie dir: bryan singer cast: tom cruise, kenneth branagh, bill nighy

out now, 120 mins Synopsis: Two months before the end of the war a group of senior Nazi officers, led by Count Claus von Stauffenberg (Cruise), attempt to exceute an audacious plot to kill Hitler.

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o far, it’s been a pretty good year for Nazi’s in Hollywood, and the prospect of one of its most famed stars playing ‘the good Nazi’ in an adaptation of an assassination attempt against Adolf Hitler was always going to be one of 2009s most anticipated releases. Sadly, Bryan Singer’s facile account delivers far less than the hype suggested.

The casting is a mess; an assortment of lesser known, nonetheless decent German actors contrasted by a bewildering who’s who of British thesps, making everything feel a bit panto, only with more action, and Nazi’s. While Tom Cruise’s central performance is solid enough, his inane persistence to out act everyone else in the room ultimately lets him down. It is also largely fallacious and far too safe a performance from an actor who likes to ensure he is

seen at the fore of such politically bold cinema, but rarely ever gets his sleeves dirty. Understandably, his characters sordid past is never delved into, but Cruise plays the role with such valour as to suggest Count Claus von Stauffenberg was some sort of Germanic Ghandi.

For the most part this is a beautifully shot film, which, despite the obvious disadvantage of the audience knowing the outcome before having seen the film, has some geniunly suspenseful action sequences. What might have been a sincere and affectionate account of bravery and resistance, however, reeks of self-importance and is let down by its own egotism. The focus is primarily all on Cruise and his characters personal afflictions, none of which merit a shred of empathy.

At its conclusion the on cue ‘where are they now’ signoff reveals this story to be one of fifteen failed attempts on Hitler’s life during the Second World War. This then, is not a unique story. Nor, for that matter, is it an especially thrilling or valiant one. In foreseeing Germany’s downfall, a group of senior Nazi officers attempt to topple Hitler’s regime, not for the good of the world, but to lessen their own inevitable sentences. These men were no more honourable than they were deceitful and cowardly, and not even Mr. Cruise’s most histrionic, sanitised efforts could lead you to believe otherwise.

Adam Woodward

**

arallels between The Wrestler and Rocky are inevitably bandied about, and are to some extent justified.

However, where The Ram's tale and Rocky's diverges is the feelgood sense that he had achieved the redemption through violence that the protagonists sought.

Randy Robinson doesn't have an Adrienne; in fact his final fate is left deliberately nebulous, and one suspects it doesn't have the same bubblegum redemption that Balboa is awarded.

The casting of Mickey Rourke as the titular wrestler was a master stroke. Rourke was originally reticent to take on the role because of the unpleasant mirror it held up to his own turbulent life, but his craggy, ex-matinee idol looks add another dimension to the diminishing grandeur of the ageing wrestler, not to mention the emotional baggage that comes with Rourke's own past.

The film is also unswervingly honest in its presentation of the world of wrestling; indeed many of the wrestlers seen in the film are actually pro-wrestlers of varyring degrees of infamy. Therefore, the graphic scenes of steroid abuse and depression become all the more poignant when framed with this alarmingly frank evocation.

While many will sniff and sneer at the choice of a film about wrestling, you cannot help be moved by the tale of a man who can only find acceptance at the hands of people cheering for his blood. The Wrestler is a touching, yet honest, love story to a much maligned sporting phenomenon.

Ben Marshall

****

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film

milk dir: gus van sant cast: sean penn, james franco, emile hirsch, josh brolin out now, 128 mins Synopsis: Milk tells the true story of Harvey Milk (Penn), the first openly gay man to be elected into major office, before his untimely assassination in 1978 by fellow San Francisco Supervisor Dan White (Brolin).

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ith such sensitive subject matter that rarely breaks into mainstream cinema with such dignity, Milk is the hugely uplifting biographical story of Harvey Milk and his devotion to gay rights.

While managing to stay relatively true to his source material, Van Sant wonderfully recreates a time and a movement that has remained so prevalent in gay political activism. The importance of Milk and his campaign for government status is not at all diminished, and he is relished as both a pioneer and an icon for the gay rights movement.

Part of this superb characterisation, of course, is attributable to Sean Penn's flawless representation of Milk himself: his devotion to the cause and the anger aimed at

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openly homophobic government figures is subtlety captured, never crossing the fine line into mimic or caricature.

Milk's entire cast is verging upon perfection: from Emile Hirsch's infectious political energy to Josh Brolin's subdued portrayal of Dan White, a man quietly drowning in his own personal and professional anguish, all deliver stunning support to Penn's protagonist. It is James Franco, however, that arguably gives the most delicate and understated performance as Harvey's lover Scott Smith, and it is through him that Milk's dedication to his politics is at its most transparent.

The beautifully realised direction, alongside the juxtaposition with real documentary footage from the period, creates a transfixing tale that is a wonderful reflection of the struggles for equality, and those who sought to fight against the overtly homophobic values held by so many within America. In a harsh flash of reality, Milk is a devastating testament to how far it is possible to go, the sacrifices we have to make in order to do so, and how we are perhaps no closer than we were 30 years ago to true and total equality.

Van Sant's vision may have been fulfilled, but tragically, Harvey Milk's is still a long, long way off.

Francesca Jarvis

*****

frost/nixon dir: ron howard cast: martin sheen, frank langella, sam rockwell out now, 122 mins Synopsis: In 1977 David Frost (Sheen) met Richard Nixon (Langella) in the interview of any TV presenters dreams/nightmares; both men risking their careers to gain the public's respect.

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n a clash of wits between disgraced former president Richard Nixon and budding talkshow host David Frost, television history was made.

Frost/Nixon is the dramatised film adaptation of a stage play of these events, which shines in the light of two vibrant performances in the lead roles. Michael Sheen is fantastic as David Frost, slipping into his Italian footwear and nailing all of his mannerisms before being stripped of his charm on the end of an interchange with the forceful, yet slippery, Nixon.

As Richard Nixon, Frank Langella is equal to Sheen's Frost, his recent Oscar nomination a testament to his portrayal of the leathery brute.

His throat wobbling as it should, Nixon is instantly believable and his

film

powerful screen presence serves to heighten the tension towards the films climax.

Whilst the accolades will no doubt be shared between the film's primary protagonists, many of its pivotal moments rest on the performances of a superbly assembled supporting cast. Just as Langella's Nixon is dependent on Sheen's Frost, Sam Rockwell's spirited turn as author James Reston Jnr. is wonderfully complimented by Kevin Bacon's loyal FBI agent Jack Brenan. Although it is Frost and Nixon running the show, it is undoubtedly their backroom accomplices who are pulling the strings all the while putting their own careers on the line.

This delicate and focused piece of filmmaking manages to be engaging throughout in spite of its narrow framework. As much a film about the media as it is Frost and Nixon, the tactics of interview are played out like a heavyweight boxing match as Nixon's final struggle is encapsulated by the camera in a devastating and telling close-up.

Whilst the complexity of this historical event should never be overlooked, this is a gripping dramatisation of one of the most fascinating pieces of television of all time.

Kyle Ellison

****

slumdog millionaire dir: danny boyle cast: dev patel, anil kapoor, freida pinto out now, 120 mins Synopsis: Born and raised in the slums of Mumbai, Jamal Malik (Patel) takes part in the game show 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?', his success capturing the nation.

Accused of cheating, Jamal is faced the hardest question of them all: "What can a slumdog possibly know?"

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ased loosely on the novel Q&A, Slumdog Millionaire is an all-consuming and utterly entrancing piece of cinema from directors Danny Boyle and Loveleen Tandan.

Charting Jamal Malik's childhood and adolescence up to the presentday, where he finds himself interrogated by Indian police for supposedly cheating on a game show, the film bafflingly manages to combine grim elements that include prostitution, exploitation and murder, and still come out the other side with a courageous, and perhaps unrealistic, message of hope.

Slumdog's fast-paced narrative

and vibrant cinematography, not completely indifferent to Meirelles' City of God, is perfectly realised thanks to its colourful and witty use of flashbacks and is often complimented by the spectacular supporting cast.

The young cast of Indian nonactors, in particular, excel. They are instantly magnetic, injecting the much-needed sense of humanity in a film that surrounds itself in tragedy and abject poverty. Never does Boyle let us dwell on this though: we are immediately whisked off to the Taj Mahal, the slums, the rivers of Mumbai, in a tour of the country that arguably adds a new dimension to Western perceptions of India.

The city itself becomes a central character: you are as drawn to it as the children that guide you through.

Slumdog Millionaire is a beautifully executed film, helped by the up-tempo score that accompanies every moment with a wonderful sense of purpose, and a screenplay that tends to Boyle's love of magical realism with bold flair and a vivid sense of individuality.

Despite criticisms of the film's depictions of India, Slumdog is ultimately a big fairy-tale with an even bigger heart, and it's beauty lies in the fact that it does not pretend otherwise.

Francesca Jarvis

****

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MADE IN MAN

The most celebrated graphic nove

now, with Zack Snyder at the helm

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op culture’ according to Zack Snyder, ‘is ready to have its shit shaken up a bit – particularly in the case of superhero movies’. The Green Bay born director has every reason to hope so. Currently in the final stages of post-production on the most eagerly awaited film of the year, the man most well known for his stylish, if slightly shallow, 300 is risking a lot taking on Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ lauded graphic novel, Watchmen.

In development hell since it was optioned by 20th Century Fox in 1986, Watchmen has had no less than a dozen directors attached or rumored to be so over the years, including Terry Gilliam, Daren Aronofsky and Paul Greengrass. It was only when Snyder was offered the chance to direct in 2005 that the project really got moving.

Despite his eagerness to take it on, the weight of expectation and sense of responsibility associated with heading up the film wasn’t lost on the director, who counts himself amongst the millions of (slightly obsessive) fans of the novel. ’If I didn’t do it somebody else would have, and I would have been responsible regardless. If I did do it, then I’d still be responsible, but at least it would be on purpose this time.’

Written with the kind of gritty psychological realism usually associated with books that can double as breezeblocks, Moore and Gibbons ruthlessly deconstruct the traditional comic book panel by panel in their seminal series. Watchmen is to Superman what The Unforgiven is to The Lone Ranger, completely demythologising, as it does, the all American (super)hero. Snyder, musing on his own love of the novel, hits the nail the on the head discussing its enduring appeal. 'You love a certain thing like comic books and you wish that they would grow up with you.

Watchmen did that for me and it changed the way the comic book genre was perceived’.

It is certainly a long way from the easy-to-perceive dichotomies

of good and evil presented in the majority of comic books. Indeed, it is a 'grown up' comic book in every way. The costumed heroes are variously impotent, psychopathic, homicidal, nihilistic, cynical, despotic, bigoted, or attention starved individuals crusading for the good of mankind largely because they like the power, they like the money, they get a sexual kick out of it, they were forced into it by their mother, or they just fundamentally hate everyone.

They have sex, they swear, they question themselves, they make mistakes. Perhaps most importantly however, all of them have one thing in common: they aren’t really all that super. Indeed, they’re all too human. All of them, that is, except Dr. Manhattan.

Jonathan Osterman, otherwise known as Dr. Manhattan, is the only character to posses any superhuman powers in Watchmen. Having been vaporized in a scientific experiment of his own design, Manhattan reconstructs himself from scratch.

He experiences time simultaneously, he can manipulate matter at the atomic level, he can teleport… in short, he’s a God. And, crucially, he’s American. No sooner has the bright blue Adonis first appeared on the scene, than the U.S. military declared to the press that they now posses the most powerful weapon on earth. The Cold War seems to be over.

Watchmen presents us with the profound implications of Manhattan's power alonside those associated with the vigilantism of the Watchmen's other heroes, the Comedian, Nite Owl, Ozymandias, Silk Spectre, and the magnificent, uncompromising Rorschach. Where it really stands out from the crowd however, is the way in which it takes them further, to their inevitably heartpounding, heart-breaking and morally ambiguous conclusions.

The initial footage from Snyder’s movie looks promising. The opening montage cleverly works to orient us in the alternative history of the film appropriately set to Dylan’s

film

HATTAN... of all time, Watchmen was in development hell for more than 20 years. it is finally set for release. Sim Eckstein tells you all you need to know...

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(ironically) timeless The Times They Are a-Changin’. The fight scenes are predictably slick and stylish, championing Snyder’s signature super slow-mo to real time sequences - one scene in particular utilising it magnificaently in a scene that evokes the infamous corridor/ screwdriver scene in Old Boy more than anything in 300. The overall aesthetic of the film too is typical of Snyder’s work to date. The hyper-real, sickly colours often match those of the novel and, wisely perhaps, many of the shots are framed to mimic certain panels of the novel exactly (the collaboration of Gibbons looks, in this respect, a significant factor).

The fidelity to the source material is not however, unmitigated. Synder concedes that fan boys the world over might well be spluttering their chocolate milk through their noses in reaction to the marginally modified ending, though it must be said that the changes are in the detail, not the sentiment or moral implications (a word to those in the know – the American mischievously claimed that ‘a horrible calamari incident as a child’ influenced his decision).

Regardless, his enthusiasm and reverence for the graphic novel are immediately apparent as soon as he begins to animatedly talk about his project. Clearly, his film will not fail as film through a lack of love or energy.

Watchmen is widely regarded as a watershed publication in the evolution of the comic book. Whether Snyder’s vision of this modern classic will prove to have a similar impact on the rapidly expanding genre of superhero movies however, remains to be seen. One thing is certain though, if Watchmen is even half as accomplished as the text on which it’s based, the question that pervades Moore and Gibbons’ masterpiece will be emphatically answered. Who watches the watchmen? Everybody will.

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holy

smoke!

kate winslet film@gairrhydd.com / 54

s c r e e n i c o n s

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leven years ago, Kate Winslet appeared in the most successful film of all time.

She was 22 years old. Since then, a critic for New York Magazine dubbed her "the best Englishspeaking actress of her generation", and she has been nominated for 5 Academy Awards, her most recent for her role as Hanna Schmitz in the Stephen Daldrydirected The Reader.

Winslet's filmography, excluding what I can only assume to be an error of judgement in The Holiday, boast some impressive cinematic achievements. Her portrayal of Clementine Kruczynski in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a blissfully wild and carefree representation of her character, cementing Winslet as an extremely versatile and perhaps, at times, underestimated actress.

It is only recently, with her work in The Reader and Revolutionary Road, which sees her pair up with her long-time friend and co-star Leonardo DiCaprio, that her acting abilities have been internationally noticed by both critics and fans alike. This year alone, she scooped the double Best Actress and Best

Supporting Actress at the Golden Globes, no mean feat and one that has not gone unnoticed among her peers.

Famous for her curves, Winslet was digitally altered by men's magazine GQ, which admitted to manipulating her image for their cover. A role model for fuller-figure women, Winslet's place at the top of Hollywood's female elite is extremely important. Unlike many other actresses of her generation, Winslet's reluctance to conform to the pressures of fame, celebrity and society make her an icon not only of the screen, but also for her values upon sexuality and gender roles.

11 years on from her role as Rose DeWitt Bukater in Titanic, Kate Winslet is still proving there is more to the English Rose than the sinking ship that delivered her to international acclaim. Some truly brilliant career choices have ensured Winslet a place in the history books as one of the best actresses of her generation.

Once bullied for being overweight, this little girl from Berkshire is a reason in herself to be proud to be English, proud to be a woman and proud to be fucking brilliant at your job.

Francesca Jarvis

film

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illions of viewers worldwide, a room full of your closest and most distinguished peers and at long last your moment of glory arrives. An entire career, from acting obscurity to the dizzying heights of the Hollywood A-list, and just 45 seconds to sum it all up. And still, most people blow it. With the Oscars, notoriously the Mecca for mortifying orations, on the horizon, we take a brief look at the poignant, the heartfelt and the down right agonising awards speeches.

And the nominees are…

HALLE BERRY The 2002 Oscars will forever be remembered as a vintage year for cringe worthy speeches, but undoubtedly the highlight of the evening was Halle Berry blubbing her way through an emotional Best Actress acceptance speech for her role in Monsters Ball. For the first African-American to win the Best Actress Oscar, she didn’t waste the opportunity to let “every nameless, faceless woman of colour” know that the doors had now finally been opened for them.

JAMES CAMERON Having your film sweep eleven gongs at a single Oscars, you could forgive director James Cameron for letting the moment get the better of him. Still, thrusting your newly attained statuette aloft and proclaiming “I’m king of the world!” is not the most dignified of acknowledgements. If that wasn’t humiliating enough, Cameron later requested a moment's silence for the victims of the Titanic, a plea which somehow seemed to demean everything his film had so reverently portrayed.

SALLY FIELDS After receiving the Best Actress Oscar in 1985 for Places in the Heart, Sally Fields delivered what would become one of the most quoted acceptance speeches ever. Although her actual words have since been mistranslated and lost through the years, collecting her second Oscar in five years proved to be a moment which not even the actress herself could comprehend, as she delivered the immortal words of self validation “You like me, you really like me!” It remains one of the few phrases from an awards speech to have entered into popular culture.

WOODY ALLEN In 2002 in the wake of 9/11, Oscarshy Woody Allen introduced a segment commemorating some of the most famous movies made in his beloved New York City. Arriving on stage to a rapturous standing ovation, the infamously wry film maker treated the audience to a typically witty speech by quipping “Thank you very much. That makes up for the strip search.” Despite having

GWYNETH PALTROW After thanking everyone involved with Shakespeare in Love, Gwyneth Paltrow’s speech at the 1999 Oscars quickly descended into a teary, inaudible babble as she thanked absolutely everyone in her family.

Going from regal to ridiculous in just over three minutes may have endeared our Gwyn to fans across the globe, but somehow, on that fateful eve, the long-established tradition of British humility was irreperably damaged.

two Oscars and a further 20 nominations to his name, this remains the only time Allen has accepted an invitation to Hollywood's biggest event.

Words - Adam Woodward Images - Benjamin Phillips

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